#his character makes me crazy there’s so much to unpack dude

[zeb-z]

me when my attempts to tear down a system that is built off of violence and grabs for power stem from a place of disgust and overwhelming guilt despite my best intentions and instead continue to perpetuate the cycle of violence in a bloody attempt to instate peace

[mofsblog]

Uh oh, I got reminded TFGraves exist and I'm mentally ill and going to make it YOUR problem!! (Translation: I'm going to gosh about them)

They just mean so much to me? And they just feel soo?? Special?? And unique on a meta level as well? It's already one thing that they are a canonised mlm pairing because historically those ones tend to be more controversial because it tends to make cishet dudes (aka leagues main demographic) more uncomfortable because cant fetishise it (also yes they're not Technically "together" but idc its explicitly canon they have feelings for eachother). It's another that both are surprisingly developed and nuanced charaters (could go on for hours about how theyre both self destructive and have abandonment issues and repress their feelings in very different ways) that are morally ambiguous and have a complex and multifaceted relationship with eachother and yeah i know league lore is subject to retcons and having differet writers but idk. i think its impressive we got two nuanced developed queer male characters WITH A COMPLICATED AND DEVELOPED RELATIONSHIP WITH EACHOTHER in a game known for its bigotted player base. Another thing i fucking love about this ship is how the riot writers were like "what if we subverted some tropes and made the more flamboyant one implied pan and we made the traditionally masculine one, who highkey has toxic masculinity, gay". BUT ALSO HIS TOXIC MASCULINITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS QUEERNESS. like yes he cant express his feelings directly to save his life but the fact he's a gay man is completely not relevant to that and he's canonically had a bunch of ex boyfriends and is canonically a monsterfucker/hj. I'm not over how they took a pretty cishet masculine thing and made queer. Like the rough outlaw who hates talking about his feelings and is out for violent revenge on those who've wronged him..... except the guy who's "wronged" him is actually his best friend who he has mutual feelings for and also he fucks men. IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. im insane.

moving on to other thing i like about them is that the sheer range this ship has??? Like yes there's gut wrenching fucked up dynamic that drives you crazy as you pyschoanalyse and unpack the layers of all of THAT. "that" being the fact a man thought he got abandoned by his best friend and got tortured and isolated in prison for 10 years and during those 10 years the only thing that kept him from killing himself was the sheer rage and want for vengence (towards someone he probably had repressed romantic feelings for) AND THEN WHEN HE GOT THE CHANCE TO KILL HIM, HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO DO IT 💀 (im literally never going to be normal about that) and during those 10 years the other man actually got all of their mutual friends killed in an attempt to save him and the survivors guilt fucked him up so bad its implied he failed trying to drown himself so he changed his entire name and personhood instead to isolate himself from the soul crushing guilt of it. BUT DESPITE THAT ANGST, there's a surprising amount of domesticity and comfort with this ship??? No like you'd think these two would be friends to enemies to lovers BUT NO, theyre actually friends to enemies to friends to friends who are fucking pinning for eachother like crazy. Despite the angsty dynamic these two also have the best friends who have known eachother for ages and who everyone think is dating but both are oblivious or dont believe the other feels the same BUT THEY ALSO HAVE opposites attract bickering marriage couple who constantly tease and banter with eachother. like the range is crazy

No but I feel like something that makes me emotional about this is that they tried to kill eachother and badly hurt eachother unintentionally but like, instead of being homophobic about it and making them just hate eachother forever and never reconcicle (which like those ships are amazing and valid and also thats literally another league ship/hj), the writers made them make up???? AND LIKE? HEAL? KINDA? Like no they havent worked through everything and no neither of them like talking about their feelings but they're "partners" again and they have this really domestic understanding of eachother and theyre managing and theyre bantering like they used to and theyre literally so comfortable around eachother and look, graves isnt tormented by his time in prison as much anymore and hes just a genuinely goofy criminal dumbass who robs people and cracks jokes that irriate his partner AND IDK ITS SO DOMESTIC AND FUNNY? BUT IT DOESNT FEEL OUT OF CHARACTER. THESE TWO JUST ARE IN A GOOD PLACE DESPITE EVERYTHING AND IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY???? why did league of legends make compelling queer ship

[notafragilething]

Late Night Buck & Tommy Ramble: Shit is getting interesting

I honestly thought today was going to be fucking chill with no promo and maybe only a whisper or two about tomorrow's episode. We currently have 21 hours left until the new episode airs and we have so much to unpack because everyone is just out there wilding right now

Get yourself a drink and a snack and prepare yourself. There is a lot to discuss. Minor spoilers for tomorrow's episode in regards to stills and vague-ish comments by people who have seen the episode.

Buck & Tommy Related Chaos:

I'm going to start with the chaos: OLIVER AND LOU ARE DOING A JOINT INTERVIEW that was filmed today for Access Hollywood / Access Daily that will air tomorrow before the episode.

I am in total shock by this because I've been vocal that I didn't even think we'd get more interviews from these two before the season ended. I would have never dreamed that they'd have them doing a joint interview together.

This is a pretty huge (and good) sign, in my opinion. You wouldn't suddenly have two actors going out doing press together unless (from a marketing point of view) you're trying to promote that couple to the audience. This to me really does suggest they're planning on keeping Lou around and pushing BuckTommy.

I've heard crazy speculation about what the interview will be about but it airs before the episode so likely we won't get major spoilers. We'll likely see the two talking about their characters, what it's like working together and hinting at what is going to happen moving forward.

With that said, I'm really curious at how they're going to sell this on the show. We've already seen Ryan hitting the talking point that Eddie is straight in recent weeks, which seems to be an attempt to distancing themselves from Buddie. This interview tomorrow may possibly give us an idea where their heads are at moving forward.

Regardless, I think this is a strong indicator that Tommy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I know some people are trying to downplay this as happening because Bi Buck was such a huge storyline but they could have easily just had Oliver on the show. Them having both of them makes this about their relationship, not just Buck coming out as Bi and that's a pretty big shift from the marketing we saw around episodes 4-5.

Lou also posted about it on his Instagram and Ryan liked it.

Also I cannot remember a time that they had Oliver doing interviews with his love interest on the show. Can anyone else?

The kiss on Instagram reels continues to do well. It's almost at 1.2 million, sitting currently at 1183k.

General Cast Information:

Let's start simple with the tweets coming out from press who saw tomorrow's episodes. The overwhelming theme with all of them seems to be a warning for us to prepare for some hurt. I'm preparing myself to watch Hen, Bobby and Eddie all go through hell tomorrow based on what we've seen on social media over the last 24 hours. So let's get into that.

Hen: Early today the official Instagram posted stills from the earlier episode where the councilwomen's son refuses treatment after he accident and dies (which leads to Hen being investigated). They then captioned this "A moment from the past can become so pivotal for your future" because clearly they want to hurt us. It also seems like that congress women is in the episode and we see her in one of the stills at the medal ceremony.

Bobby: It seems like he's going to have a nice father/son moment with Buck at some point this episode based on the stills and what Oliver has hinted at. But I think he'll also definitely be dealing with guilt.

Eddie: Dude I don't even know. Between Marisol being at the medal ceremony with him and Christopher and him taking a row boat out with Kim? This is going to get ugly.

All of the stills were really happy and we know that isn't what is happening in this episode so I'm pretty sure they're from the first 15 or 20 minutes. This show has been fucking with our heads with these promos.

We're very, very likely to get a sneak peak sometime tomorrow along with the Oliver&Lou interview.

I might attempt to make a ramble post talking about the interview prior to the episode depending on what time it airs.

So how are we all feeling? Cause I'm having all the fucking emotions.

[pinazee]

Weekend warriors is one of my fave episodes for a multitude of reasons

The way Shawn flirts with Sally Reynolds at the briefing was fantastic. Shes such a memorable one off character and she doesn’t really do much. I credit that to Clair Coffee and her dazzling smile.

One of the best moments of Shawn showing just how amazing his memory is, and the little montage was wonderfully set up. But Gus really shouldn’t be surprised by now. Out of everyone (except maybe his dad) he should be the least amazed by his gifts.

It has my favorite most stupidest joke i still laugh at to this day actually ive been promoted. Its Captain Crunch now.

I have a deep appreciation of this show for never shying away from the fact that Gus is black. It seems like a lot of 00’s shows simply avoided the topic altogether (if they even had a black main). Starting from the pilot when gus placed his hands on the dash when the cop pulled them over. It goes to show how important it is to collaborate with your actors, particularly if your writing room demographics don’t correlate with your acting talent.

The fuck are you talking about henry. It took him 4 months after he was born to smile at you and thats when you acknowledge him??? I mean, i think they both know thats crap, but still lol

Solid Juliet moment. I love that they showed she was scared, but was brave enough to continue. Too many shows try to do feminism by making their female characters not feel fear for some reason? Or like, they’re kind of crazy and seek it out. Idk. Its nice that shes allowed to be afraid and vulnerable. It makes her feel like a real person.

THIS!

That end scene is the saddest fucking thing ive ever seen, and might be the most heartbreaking little shawn moment in the series. Im going to word for word this because i need ppl to share in my awwws

Shawn: Gus, when we grow up, think ill ever be as cool as you?

Gus: You’re better at kickball

Shawn: Not what I asked

Gus: We talking about your dad again?

Shawn: mm-hmm

Gus: Come on dude, the guy respects you

Shawn: Not like he does you

Gus: I’m not his son. I mean, he might like me okay, but he loves you

Shawn: Did he say that?

Gus: No.

Shawn: Well then how can you be sure?

Gus: You mean he’s never said it?

Shawn: Come on Gus, we’re guys.

SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE but i’m going to do that in my henry analysis ep. Theres just too much to say.

[warletscarlet]

Wild Kratts coraline au because brainrot. It’s spooky season and we need the spooky au’s. Ngl this was a tough one but I love Wild Kratts and I love Coraline, sooo-

The idea is that Chris is Coraline, a young child who is unhappy with his families move into an old house in the middle of nowhere known as the Pink Palace. He never wanted to move, but unfortunately had to do so, leaving him bitter and angry. In this au, he is about 14 years old, and Martin is a 18.

Martin is something I mulled over for a while, stuck between Wybie and the mother. I stuck with Martin taking the role as the mother, though of course not in the parental sense. Their parents died in the car crash that Coraline mentions in the beginning of the film, leaving Martin as the legal guardian of Chris at just 18 years of age.

As for Aviva and Koki, I decided to put them in the role of Miss Spink and Miss Forcible. I don’t particularly ship Aviva and Koki, (though I do think it’s cute), but finding roles for them in this setting was somewhat difficult. You can view them as married, like the actual characters, or you can view these two as friends living together, doesn’t matter to me. They’re both rather odd in Chris’ opinion. I don’t think the girls would be as old as the actual characters are, but they may be a little older than Martin here. Aviva still makes inventions and other gadgets, but the girls also are into theatre, just like the real Miss Spink and Miss Forcible. They give Chris advice, warning him that danger is coming for the boy, weirding him out as he does not understand what this danger could possibly be.

As for Jimmy, I set him as Wybie. I think they both have the similar aspect of being a nice dude who’s just a little odd, and someone Chris could become good friends with. Jimmy is the same age as Chris and lives with his grandmother, who teaches him her recipes. He finds Chris as Chris is exploring the woods around the Pink Palace, revealing to him that the last kid who lived there disappeared mysteriously, the kid happening to be his grandmothers sister. He is also the one who gives Chris the doll of himself, weirding Chris out.

Mr. Bobibski was a difficult role, but I gave it to Zach. Why? Because Mr. Bobibski is really theatric and a little weird (kinda like Zach), and I think Zach would fit this role. Also it’s a little ironic with the jumping mice thing, so there’s that. Zach serves as the neighbor that Chris at first assumed to be crazy.

The move is due to Martin believing Chris would want a change of scenery, Martin taking his college courses online now that he cannot go on campus. He is struggling to take care of his brother on top of doing college work, so he doesn’t have much time for Chris at the moment, who wanted to go adventuring. The recent loss, the move and the decrease in time spent together between the brothers results in them both fighting and arguing, straining their relationship.

It was a rainy day, Chris itching to go out and explore as there was nothing else to do but unpack, which was something he wasn’t really looking forward to doing. He begs his brother to ket him go outside, only to be told no- as he’ll get wet and possibly sick from being out in the rain. Irritated, Chris walks around the house, following his brother’s instructions to keep himself busy by counting the windows and doors in the house. He takes the doll Jimmy gave him with him, setting it on a table as he counts the windows and the painting in the family room, before realizing that the doll had disappeared, ending up across the room behind a box. Pushing the box aside, he comes to find what looks like a door beneath the wallpaper and begs for Chris to open it. Much to his disappointment, it is bricked up.

It is at night where things really begin. Chris was unhappy with what Martin had made for dinner, calling it disgusting and “not real food”, according to him. Martin insists that he eats it as this as all they have at the moment, or else he can just go to bed. Choosing bed over “slime”, Chris heads upstairs only to be awoken by the sound of a mouse scurrying through the dark. Curiously, he gets up and follows the mouse downstairs and into the family room, the small creature disappearing behind the door. Chris opens it to find, to his amazement, there is now a glowing tunnel leading to what looks like another door.

Crawling through and out the other side, Chris finds himself standing in the family room yet again- but instead of being met with the cold darkness of an empty room, he finds himself in a warm glow emitting from a light on in the kitchen. Confused, he walks into the kitchen only to find Martin standing there.

“Martin? What are you doing up?”

But when the figure turns around to face him, it wasn’t Martin. Because Martin didn’t have button eyes.

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it��s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Ishqbaaz Liveblog, E1: Yeh Lo, Intro Waala Episode Aa Gaya

Nahi nahi, don't be afraid. I'll never leave IPK. I was just craving desi trash with our favorite tropes and classic scenes and @tellywoodtrash has convinced me that IB fits the bill rather spectacularly.

And since it's me - toh iska and things that could have been in IPK ka lamba segment toh hoga. And things that IPK did better.

In short it's this one clip of Omkara and Gauri that's been floating in my head, that's everything Khushi should've said to Arnav convinced me to watch this.

Beware, I'm very bhadda at liveblogging but please enjoy the ride.

Also - this is all for Gauri and TTji.

Love,

S

Episode 1 - Yeh Lo, Intro Waala Episode Aa Gaya

- Yo Ganpati, namaste.

- Full on K3G vibes with all the bros doing aarti.

- Aaah, Omkara ke baal. Totes need his shampoo.

- WTF, who's making himself a candle and doing live aarti to Ganpati - #ganpatinotimpressed.

- I already wanna kill the editor.

- Dadi/Nani (not sure) is cool. Okay she's Dadi.

- Dadi already giving romantic tips, I stan with Dadi. I love old people recounting prem kahanis. I don't get it, with Nani of IPK and Dadi of IB being so romantic, what happened with their grandsons?

- Aye haye, OG Ishqbaaz is Dadaji. DUDEEEE I'd legit watch a spinoff of badass Dadi and badass Dada in their 60s/70s! (Hate the echo effect, whyyyyy, Dadi is anyways doing mast acting, why do the effect).

- OK I LOVE DADI, SHE IS PRECIOUS AND I WANT A SPINOFF. SHE LOVES HER DEAD HUBBY SO MUCH. I'LL BE LIKE HER WHEN I'M OLD.

- Okay, despite having a great lovestory their oldest - Tej - seems off.

- YAY, he had bodyguards. But based on IPK experience the guards disappear post episode 1.

- Random chashma waala here, will he get slapped like Mool Rajani?

- Ok Tej dude is a film dialogue writer in his heart.

- Wait does Dadi have all crappy children.

- Shakti is weirddddd! Smart, but deceitful - I like his vibes, his dialogues and double standard. I like Shakti. OOOH BHAI BHAI RIVALRY. It's nice to see older characters have solid roles.

- KIS BAAT KO? KAUNSA BAAT BHOOL CHUKE? Aye haye, mystery vibes - yes. Back when everything was not released in promos and we had something to look forward to in the show.

- Arrey Dadi, none of your sons turned out happy?

- Ok, here's the comedy of the show - the bahus. THIS WOMAN IS MANORAMA'S COUSIN FOR SURE. I'm not happy they chose a dark skinned woman as a stereotype for comedy.

- Woah, we have an alcoholic here.

- How did these people end up with Om and Rudy? How did these two ka kids turn out ok?

- Double shut up and shut up? Lol.

- Wait so Dadi had great marriage but shit kids, yet her shit kids ended up having great kids? #sowhatdoesthatmean

- Hi Shivaay, ooh I like the music here. 

- OOOH HI ANIKA! WITH LAAL DUPATTA! I like the softness in the music here. Surbhi is soooo young here! Wait they're already meeting?!

- SHIVAAY LOOKS NICE, HOPE HE DOESN'T OPEN HIS MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING STUPID.

- OFC THEY ARE FATED.

- OFC THE sunglass nikaalna. Would he be a 4 lions hero if he didn't do that?

- Ugh, corruption in bhagvaangiri, FOLLOW THE LINE SHIVAAY!

- Anika, chill. Ah, VALID POINT! VALID POINT!

- Pandit ji, you totes not nice. You should prachaar equality and shit, not teach people about khandaan and stuff.

- Hah Anika, get that pandit ji! Yes woman you have your own identity.

- Hi Nakuul's blye eyes.

- AND THE GHOORING STARTS.

- I don't like the cgi mandir tho.

- SHIVAAY I WILL FREAKING SLAP YOU. HE BROKE ALL RECORDS. HE DIDN'T OPEN HIS MOUTH AND I WANT TO SLAP HIM? WTF? HE'S IN A MANDIR!

- GANESH JI, THROW A FLYING COCONUT AND-

- Le, meri jooti ke keemat bhi lele! Shivji, the dude you’re named after hates you too.

- Aah, Tej and all are behind making their kid the heir.

- Wait, comedy aunty ka beta is Shivaay? Yeh kaise hua?

- ANIKA CLASS LE ISKA! 4Lions has a different level of addiction to sunglass scenes.

- Oh I like the bg here!

- ARREY WHAT A SHOT! I TOLD YOU TO BREAK HIS HEAD AND YOU BROKE HIS CAR! ANIKA WE’RE TELEPATHICALLY CONNECTING RIGHT NOW!

*me and anika*

- I have to find this editor and ask why... why? Why this Matrix shot all of a sudden?

- Not a fan of the editing but what bg and what car breaking! Wah, I love this. DUDE TOTES DESERVES THIS! 

- I’m anti violence but THIS IS PAYOFF! 

- Why the wind tho? It’s not a Rabba Ve - I mean Jaana. So why the wind? Please for the love of God don’t play Oh Jaana, it was sweet as intro but they need time-- ok they started playing Oh Jaana. 

- Don’t guys.... I loved this face off and the other music. Kyun?

- I will ship them, the show doesn’t need to make it obvious. 

- EWW THE CGI OF PHONE BREAKING. I don’t like his aggression - bitwa needs help. 

- OM IS HERE!!!! GUYS OM IS HEREEEEEEEEEEEE. CRORES? FOR BEING AN ARTIST? SIGN ME UP! 

- OM IS CHASHMISH? Woah dude, you’re my weird alter ego with better hair. Also, I think you’d put the red lines later? But cool location. I already shipping you with Gauri <3

- Damn he’s handsome *cough cough* Long hair? Intellectual type? Focused? That’s my kryptonite.

- Dude is melancholic, with Kal Ho Na Ho in the bg. All ok boo? WOAH he’s TEJ’S SON???? No wonder dude’s got issues. 

- Oh Dad Issues. Can’t call his dad dad... if my dad was Tej I’d... probs do the same. 

- I can’t believe Shivaay is these two jokers ka beta. 

- But I completely believe that Omkara is these two f-ck up’s son. Good job on casting and chemistry. 

- OOOH, family rivalry. I like this. There’s shit lot to unpack.

- Poor Dadi. 

- LOOOOL, RUDYYYY GONNA GET AN INTRO NOW!!! 

- Aunty, question your own beta before other women. 

- Hi Cutie! In our sweet line of NK, Joey <3 I feel older protective sis vibes towards this baby. 

- Lol, Nani from IPK would get a heart attack seeing his dance on ‘Character Dheela!’

- Bhai bhakt, that’s good.

- Ah the middle generation of Oberois still having rivalry over heir shit. 

- BROS PLEASE MAKE AN ENTRY TOGETHER. PROVE YOUR RUDE PARENTS WRONG. 

- I PREDICTED THE FUTURE!

- I am Dadi right now.  

- I’m preemptively getting mad at how they’re gonna ruin a show with a really good premise!

- The boys doing a total advertisement for themselves. Yeh lo, Tinder bios.

“I know you were trouble when you walked in,” Omkara Oberoi. Daddy Issues. Extremely intellectual. Hot. Has Brains. Even tempered. If Akash was expanded as a character with issues. 

“I JUST MET YOU, THIS IS CRAZY, HERE’S MY NUMBER, CALL ME BABY” Rudy. Bhaiyas took all the brains so here are the brawns. This is NK in another universe.

“Who the fuck made my Tinder?” *crashes phone* Arnav who prays, with more issues, I didn’t think this was possible. 

- The End - 

Phew I enjoyed this - see me tomorrow with Episode 2! 

[markonasurface]

20/50 - “It’s 8:30, I have a hangover and you’re annoying me.”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: Jean, Jeremy/jerejean Summary: Jean and Jeremy tag along on the Foxes’ spring break trip. A/N: This has taken me too long to finish. I think I started it two years ago. I almost forgot to use the quote prompt.

Warnings: implied past abuse

“Kevin invited you to the Foxes’ spring break trip?” Jean asked, eyebrows high.

Jeremy barely glanced up from the text he was studying. “Mm.”

“Are you going?” Jean pressed.

“Are you?” Jeremy snapped.

Jean flinched and Jeremy’s mouth dropped open. “I’m sorry.” He finally put his studying materials down and turned to face Jean. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just - last semester, you know?”

“Yes,” Jean said, even though he didn’t. He felt the heat in his cheeks and internally cursed himself for not being able to control his reactions. Riko used to love to make him flinch. It was at one point worth the beatings for not giving him the satisfactory.

“So, are you going?” Jeremy asked, back to his normal self if a bit exhausted.

He bit the inside of his cheek and stayed completely still. It was hard being around Kevin but it might be nice. Kevin did whatever Riko told him to do but Kevin wasn’t cruel. He had learned from his therapist that he didn’t miss Evermore; he missed the familiarity of it. Kevin could give him a bit of what he thought to be normalcy.

“Jean?” Jeremy said quietly, patiently.

Jean looked up to meet his eyes. “I - yes.”

“You’ll have to give Kevin my regards,” Jeremy said and turned back to his text.

“You aren’t going?” Jean didn’t know if he was relieved.

“I should really study,” Jeremy sighed.

Their bedroom door opened and Jean jumped.

“Y’all left your door unlocked.” Laila fell onto Jeremy’s bed. “And you’re going to spend your last spring break studying? Come on, Jer.”

“Fuck off, Laila,” he said.

She nudged his chair with her foot. “I bet those Foxes get fucking crazy. I wish I’d been invited.”

“Take my invitation.”

Laila took a loud breath. “Mama Alvarez would have a cow if we bailed on her family trip.”

“If you don’t come they’ll probably stick me in a room with Hemmick,” Jean said.

“You could use the brea-eak,” she sang. “Also, see if they’ve picked up any new moves for finals.”

“Laila.”

She held up her hands in a placating gesture. “I’m kidding. Go. Have fun. Or you’ll burn yourself out and have to come back in the fall.”

Day 1

“An island? Seriously?” Thea stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

Kevin shrugged.

“I thought we were just flying somewhere tropical,” Jeremy added.

“Why are you all looking at me?” Allison demanded. “Neil’s the one who paid for this trip.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Neil said. “I recently came into some money.”

Jeremy sighed. “Right. N.B.D. I just rented an island.”

“Follow me.” A man in khakis and a polo shirt motioned for them. He had introduced himself as Frank as they boarded the small plane that brought them to their rented island.

It was a short walk through some trees and a large house came into view. There were gasps and one of the freshmen from the team said, “No fucking way.”

“Dude, how much did this cost?” Matt asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Neil said, leading the way through the gate.

They walked past the pool and its fountains, up some stairs and through double doors. As they all stood in the foyer,  Frank smiled and said, “Right. Everything’s stocked. I’ll be back at the end of the week. If you need anything, call the number on the refrigerator.”

Neil handed the man a cash tip and thanked him.

Allison looked around at everyone. “There are ten rooms. Neil gets first pick, losers.”

“You mean Andrew,” Jack mocked.

It was quiet for a moment then at once everyone raced to find a room. Jean looked at Jeremy and said, “They’re fucking crazy.”

Jeremy laughed as they heard Dan yell, “I’m your damn captain!”

They followed the shouting and as they turned a corner Jeremy ran into Renee. They both apologized, looking like literal sunshine and Jean bit his lip.

“They’re the guests.” Allison was staring down one of her teammates. “They get the room next to ours.”

Jeremy realized she was talking about them and opened his mouth. Renee shook her head, a warning in her eyes. Someone stomped by and Allison grinned.

“Welcome to the third nicest - who am I kidding? - the fourth nicest room on this island!” She gestured grandly. “And that’s saying something.”

Nicky popped his head in. “Fifth nicest. Andrew and Neil gave up the first nicest so they have the second nicest, Dan and Matt have the third nicest, and you have the fourth nicest.”

Before Allison could demand to know who got the glass room on top if it wasn’t Dan and Matt, Nicky ran off.

Jeremy looked as if he suddenly remembered something. “Did you two wanna share? I can room with Nicky or whoever.”

Allison cackled. She left the room.

“We’re not -” Jean started.

“We were never dating,” Renee said.

Jeremy’s eyes were wide. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed and uh, forget I said anything.”

Renee smiled kindly and backed out of the room. Jeremy looked at Jean who was staring at the one bed in the middle of the room.

“I can still room with Nicky if you’re not comfortable sharing,” he said.

Jean swallowed. “It’s fine.” He managed a small smile and said, “We share every other day of the year.”

After they unpacked, everyone seemed to congregate by the pool. Nicky and Andrew were situated behind the bar and Neil was perched on top, but everyone else was already swimming.

Jean glanced around nervously. Since joining the Trojans, he’d become a lot more self-conscious about the state of his body.

“You can leave your shirt on.” The voice startled him and he looked up at Neil, then glanced to see if Jeremy had heard as well. Then he realized Neil was speaking in his native tongue. “But nobody cares.”

Andrew spoke. “Ignore the freshmen. They’re idiots.”

“Where’s Kevin?” Jeremy asked, coming to sit at the bar.

“Fucking Thea,” a girl said, joining them. “I saw her take his shirt off but then they moved away from the glass.”

Aaron grabbed a tray of drinks from Nicky and sneered, “Do you have to be such a perve, Sheena?”

She stuck her tongue out at him, snagging a drink and flicking her wet hair at him.

“Like, Andrew said,” Nicky stated. “The freshmen are idiots.”

He mimicked Sheena’s face, nose scrunched and eyes narrowed, then asked, “What can I make for you?”

“Something that’ll make me forget I have my last midterm when we get back,” Jeremy grimaced. “Who gives a midterm after spring break?”

“I got just the drink for you.”

The sound of the blender going again cut off conversation. Sheena left to play chicken with her friends and Renee called Jean over.

“Don’t break anything!” Dan called from where she was laying out with Allison and Renee as Jean joined them.

“Here you go.” Nicky handed him a glass.

Jeremy held the drink up and studied it. “Are those silver stars?”

“Edible silver stars.”

Aaron came back with a tray in one hand and a girl’s hand in the other and said, “Nicky has to make everything gay.”

The girl hit his arm lightly with the back of her hand. She looked at Jeremy and held out a hand. “Katelyn.”

“Jeremy,” Jeremy said and shook.

“I made you both the same,” Nicky said, handing two more glasses over the bar.

“On three?” Katelyn suggested. “One. Two. Three.”

Everyone who had a drink took a large sip and more than one of them sputtered. “What the fuck is this?” Aaron gasped. “Did you just add ice and stars?”

Nicky shrugged. “Make your own damn drinks if you don’t like it.” He hopped over the bar and ran for the pool.

“You’re drinking this?” Aaron asked in disbelief and Jeremy turned to see Neil gulping it down.

After one large sip, Jeremy was already starting to feel warm. He took another sip, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. When he opened them he saw Renee running her hand down Jean’s bare back. How many times had Jeremy wanted to do the same?

He shook his head. He was such a lightweight. He’d never been one to party hard but he knew how to hold his liquor. The last year he’d spent more time studying and less and less time drinking and his tolerance was down. Clearly.

Day 2

By the second night, Jeremy was starting to realize the Foxes weren’t so different from any other college sports team if you took away the tragic backstories. Yeah, Jeremy would stick out if they all sat around and compared histories but - surprise, surprise - there wasn’t much talk about that.

Allison banned any talk of Exy and if she ever saw Neil and Kevin together she’d cock a brow and put her hands on her hips. Kevin would flip her off and she’d leave with a, “Fuck you. There are rules for a reason.”

It was making him miss his own team - the way they all fit together even when they shouldn’t.

Jean was there, but if anything he was part of the Kevin/Thea/Jean Former Ravens group or the Kevin-Neil-Jean-I-Was-Abused-By-Riko-Moriyama-and-Marked-For-His-Perfect-Court group.

He was different from a year ago when he’d first joined the Trojans but he still had his rough edges and hangups. And Jeremy saw it all.

Whether someone tapped his arm lightly without warning, or when he was flinching awake from a nightmare, Jeremy was there, trying to think of a way to calm Jean down without overstepping.

Jeremy had promised Laila he’d enjoy his spring break and be involved in all the fun things the Foxes did. Jeremy didn’t break promises. That’s why it was two in the morning and he was just starting to work on a study guide problem he’d left at five AM yesterday morning.

He groaned. Shots before homework wasn’t working for him.

“Jer,” Jean said, voice hoarse. “Come to bed.”

In his sluggish alcohol influenced state of mind, he almost thought Jean was asking him to come to his bed. His face flushed as he thought, What if Jean could read my mind and saw that?

He cleared his throat. “Soon. I’ll go to bed soon. I just need to finish at least three problems first.” Who was he kidding? He’d be lucky if he finished one.

“Okay,” Jean breathed, turning over and promptly falling back to sleep.

That was something that had surprised Jeremy. The way Jean could just sleep. He had expected his distrust to keep him awake at night. He guessed when you were tortured and worked to the bone, you had to take the sleep where you could get it.

Jean looked so cozy and peaceful, Jeremy wanted to be cozy and peaceful. He made the mistake of putting his head down on the desk.

He bolted awake when tentative fingers touched his arm.

Day 3

Jean flinched and Jeremy took a deep breath. “Sorry, sorry.”

“The others are going for a hike,” Jean said quietly though he offered a smile. “Apparently there’s a waterfall. Do you want to come?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jeremy responded, yawning and stretching. When he looked back at Jean, Jean quickly averted his eyes.

“They’re meeting by the pool.”

Jean hurried out, closing the door behind him.

Jeremy stretched as he stood. There was a crick in his neck that was making him regret last night’s choices.

He picked up a shirt off the floor and sniffed it. What did it matter? They were gonna get sweaty on their hike. He tried to shove away the thought of what would Jean think and changed into the shirt.

“Jer-bear!” Nicky greeted him as he stepped outside.

He squinted at the sun. It was only eight in the morning but it was already too hot. Jeremy couldn’t wait to get to the waterfall.

As they approached the start of the trail, two figures raced down the hill toward them. Thea pushed Kevin and Kevin shouted, “Hey!”

The two of them passed the sign indicating which way to go around roughly the same time and immediately Jean said, “Thea.”

“No one asked,” Kevin said, panting, but he didn’t look upset. “Besides, she cheated.”

“Prove it,” Thea said, hands behind her head as she gulped air. 

“Rematch.”

Nicky said, “Neil would beat you both.”

“With those little legs?” Thea looked skeptical.

“Show ‘em, Neil.”

Neil shook his head. “I don’t feel like it.” He paused and looked at Andrew. “I don’t run anymore.”

The way he said it gave the words weight and Jeremy felt like he was missing something. Neil and Andrew’s teammates groaned and Andrew looked unimpressed.

“That was really sweet, Neil,” Matt said.

Neil winked at Matt and Andrew muttered something that had him grinning widely.

“If we’re done with the cheesefest ...” Allison stomped past everyone.

The waterfall was breathtaking. Jeremy couldn’t believe something could be so untouched by man.

“What took you guys so long?” Thea called as she dunked Neil under the water.

Despite what he’d said about not running anymore, Neil couldn’t resist Thea’s challenge and they’d run ahead of the group with Kevin.

As some of the others dived in, Jeremy’s eyes searched for Jean. He was leaning down so Renee could rub some sunscreen on his face. Jeremy tried to stuff down the jealousy bubbling in his chest.

This wasn’t him. He didn’t get jealous. Certainly not of one the nicest humans to ever exist touching his teammate who clearly didn’t mind. He was about to turn away when Jean pulled his shirt over his head.

And how could he have such negative feelings when Jean was so obviously enjoying his spring break? After the first day, Jean didn’t even hesitate in stripping down and letting the others see him shirtless. As his roommate, of course Jeremy had seen him without a shirt, but it had been months before his first reaction wasn’t to cover up his scars. In the locker rooms, he always changed as quickly as possible and usually with his locker open.

Here, with people who had trauma, too, and who didn’t bat an eye when Jean took his shirt off, he was able to stop thinking about it. It made Jeremy sad that he wasn’t able to give Jean that around their team.

Jean turned around and Jeremy tried to pretend he hadn’t been staring. When he stood in front of him, he asked, “You okay, Jer?”

Jeremy swallowed once. He felt his cheeks get hot but hoped his sunburn hid his blush. “Yeah, just, um, enjoying the view.” He inwardly groaned. Jean had seen him staring at him. He scratched his cheek.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Jean said. He clearly meant the trees and the water. Jeremy was both relieved and disappointed. “See you down there?”

“Yeah.”

Day 4

Jeremy put on his noise canceling headphones and opened his textbook. He had to get this reading done. He wouldn’t allow any more distractions until he finished.

Not even a sleepy looking Jean poking his head into their shared room.

He removed his headphones and gave him a questioning look.

“We’re putting on a movie. Wanna join?”

Jeremy sighed. “Can’t. I should have finished this chapter two days ago.” Jean bit his lip, then he closed the door. “What are you -?” He sat on the bed.

“I don’t really like movies that much.”

It was a lie. Jeremy knew it was a lie, but he wasn’t going to argue. He remembered the look of confusion on his face the first time he heard Jeremy ask what movie the rest of the team would like to watch. He gave Jean a small smile before putting his headphones back on.

An hour later, Jeremy was lying beside Jean, who was dozing, his head on an open book. His head lolled to the side and pressed into Jeremy’s arm.

Jeremy froze and tried to keep his breathing even.

His eyes followed the line of Jean’s jaw. He liked this side of Jean’s face best. It wasn’t tattooed and it had less scars. He still liked the other side of Jean’s face - he liked his whole face - it was just easier to not think about the circumstances that brought him to his team when he could only see the right half of Jean’s face.

Day 6

“No studying tonight!” Allison yelled.

“But -”

“Jean told us you study every night after we go to bed,” she said. “It’s your last night. Enjoy it!”

Jeremy shot a look over to Jean at the bar who - was smiling? He shrugged at Jeremy before tipping back a shot.

Allison had made a list and passed it around to anyone who wasn’t a freshman. Any time one of the freshmen said or did something on her list, the others had to do a shot.

From the looks of things, Nicky, Dan, and Matt had gotten an early start on the game. Allison whispered, “Don’t worry if you can’t remember who’s who. Just drink when the rest of us do.”

Jeremy looked around at the team, then into the pool with its night lights on and glowing balls floating on the surface.

Renee came over and said, “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure no one drowns.”

When one of the freshmen girls made a pervy remark about Kevin, Nicky handed out shots. When one of the boys copped a feel off the girl and she pretended to be offended, he handed out two shots to every person. When a couple of the freshmen started making out, he got three shots - one for the act and two for the couple.

Things and time started to blur and Jeremy had no idea how much time had passed. They’d all eventually moved into the large house to get warm. Kevin and Thea had disappeared a while ago as had Aaron, Katelyn, and a few of the freshmen. Now Neil and Andrew were heading upstairs.

The music was loud, the lights looked brighter, and Jean was laughing. It almost made Jeremy smile, but then he realized he was laughing at something Renee had said. He wrapped an arm around her and leaned down so she could whisper something in his ear.

Jeremy left.

It was too difficult to watch and he didn’t want to say or do anything to embarrass himself. Allison grabbed his arm in the hallway and said, “You better not be going off to study!”

“No!” he shouted back. “I just need to lie down for a bit.”

Once he made it to his room and shut the door, it seemed uncomfortably quiet. He flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling as his eyes adjusted to the dark.

Jeremy was generally a positive person, but as he lay there, thoughts of Jean and Renee swirled around his mind. They said they weren’t dating. They said they’d never dated, but the whole week it was almost like they were a couple. They went everywhere together and partnered for every game.

He fell asleep, his mind seeped in jealousy and booze.

He woke up when Jean stumbled into the room, holding something in his hand. He vaguely registered music still pounding in the hallway.

“Hey, sorry,” Jean tried to whisper. “Everyone is asleep.”

“Okay?” Jeremy said.

“Renee made cookies.” He offered out his hand.

Jeremy might have sneered. “Of course she did. She’s amazing. She’s an amazing person. She’s an amazing goalie. I bet she’s an amazing girlfriend.” He was still drunk. It probably hadn’t been that long since he fell asleep.

Jean looked confused and timid. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Jeremy muttered, suddenly aware of how he must’ve come across.

“Are you jealous of Renee?” he asked, lips quirking.

Jeremy sighed and fell back on his pillows. “What? No ...” He looked over at Jean. “Okay, fine.”

Jean stepped closer and sat on the edge of the bed, looking over his shoulder at Jeremy. “Why?”

“Nothing,” he murmured, cheeks feeling hot.

“I’ve not been a good friend,” Jean said. “You’re just so friendly and easy going that I didn’t think you wanted me hanging around the whole week. And I figured Kevin would be taking up at least half your time.”

“That’s not - I mean -” Jeremy was at a loss for words.

“Then what is it?”

He threw an arm over his face, struggling to get a word out. 

“You guys are so close,” he finally said. “I guess I just want to be - close with you.”

“We’re roommates,” Jean said. “We are close. There’s no one I trust more.”

Jeremy sat up. “No, I’m gay.”

He shrugged. “Okay ... I figured -”

“I have these ... feelings ... for you ...” He knew his expression was pained and sad but he couldn’t help it. He had probably just ruined things between them.

“Why didn’t you just say that?” Jean asked as Jeremy’s head lowered and he shrugged. “I think I have ... feelings for you, too.”

Jeremy’s mouth fell open. “Really?”

Jean shrugged again, feeling self-conscious. “Yes. It’s why I’ve been hanging out with Renee so much this week - to get her advice about you.”

“I really want to kiss you,” he said in a rush. “I mean, if that’s okay.”

Jean held his breath, then nodded. Jeremy moved closer. Jean blurted, “I just - um, I need to set clear boundaries and I need you to respect them.”

“Of course,” Jeremy breathed. He watched as he bit his lip, looking like there was more he wanted to say. “Hey, it’s okay. You can set all the boundaries you need.”

Jean took a shaky breath. “I need you to take things slow,” he said, voice quiet. “I need you to be patient and not get mad if I can’t do - if I can’t -”

“Hey, Jean, you don’t need to do anything, alright?” Jeremy said. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.” He reached out to take Jean’s hand but Jean flinched.

“I’m sorry, I -”

Jeremy held up his hand this time and slowly moved to grab Jean’s hand so he had time to move away if he wanted to.

“I’ve never - I don’t mean to flinch. It’s not you.” He lay down next to Jeremy and stared at the ceiling. Their arms were pressed together from their shoulders to their fingertips and after a minute, it started to feel comfortable. “I’ve talked about you in therapy because I wasn’t sure about what my feelings meant.”

He took long pauses between sentences but Jeremy didn’t dare to interject.

“Nothing that ever happened in my life ever was consensual.” Hard swallow. “Until you and the Trojans. I don’t know if I’m gay, honestly. I’m still figuring things out. Feeling anything confuses me. You’re the only person who offers something to me and lets me choose to accept it.”

“You noticed?” Jeremy was shocked.

“Of course I noticed. I was confused - at first - but it’s become everything to me. If this is too complicated I understand ... but I hope - I don’t know.” He sighed, frustrated with himself and everything leading up to this point that was making him unable to trust his own feelings.

Jeremy bit his lip. “I’m here. You’re worth the wait, Jean. I want to be the one you can figure things out with.”

Jean sat up. “What if - what if I’m wrong about this?” His voice was breathy and when Jeremy met his eyes, they were wet.

“Then we’ll stop and we’ll continue being friends.”

“I don’t even know if I can try.” Every fear seemed to be coming to the front of his mind. “What if I’m wasting your time?”

Jeremy sat up. “I don’t care. Can I hold your hand again?” Jean nodded. “If after everything, you decide you’re not gay, or you’re not into me, it will all be fine. I could never hold it against you. I care about you and nothing will ever stop me from caring about you.”

Jean’s gaze on his face was intense but Jeremy tried to keep an open expression. He meant what he said and he needed Jean to know that everything would be okay.

“Can I kiss you?”

Jeremy felt his eyebrows raise in surprise. “Please.”

Day 7

As they sat on the boat that would take them back to the mainland Jeremy couldn’t help the smile on his face. Jean was next to him, arm pressed right against his.

He looked behind him to where Neil and Andrew sat, space between them but hands linked on the seat. Andrew was looking off in the distance.

Jeremy opened his mouth to ask Neil a question when Andrew’s head snapped in his direction. “It’s 8:30, I have a hangover and you’re annoying me.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“That smile on your face is making my hangover worse.”

Jean turned around. “Get used to it.”

1 Kevin/Thea 2 Neil/Andrew 3 Dan/Matt 4 Allison/Renee 5 Jean/Jeremy 6 Aaron/Katelyn 7 2 freshmen 8 2 freshmen 9 2 freshmen 10 Nicky

[badmoon--rising]

Magic Bullet

This is one of my FAVORITE episodes of season 1

Dutch angle shot to introduce Kate so that you know she’s fucked up and evil

I genuinely really like the “COME ON” thing that they repeat

Derek does parkour, like he knows actual parkour moves I literally love everything about this idiot he’s hilarious

Shot outta the sky like a fucking huge bird, poor guy

Stiles is on his way to ADHD academic burnout I feel it in my bones. Good luck in college o7

When I watched this episode with my little brother and we saw Derek walking down the school hallway woozy and dying from poison he was like “wow he realy hates high school huh” and it was the funniest fucking thing ever

LMAO SCOTT FAST BIKE RIDING 2 SECOND MONTAGE

Allison has so many fantastic subtle character moments in this episode it’s so good. The fact that she’s still unpacking after a month and is like “I’m taking my time” is really incheresting

Also for the record I’m gonna skip most of the make out/romance scenes bc I hate them personally LMAO

I do enjoy how much Derek and Stiles fucking hate each other immediately it’s a great dynamic. The dude is literally feverish and decaying in his car and Stiles couldn’t be more mad

Start the car....... or I’m gonna rip your throat out....................... with my teeth

THAT LINE IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING IT DESERVES ITS OWN BULLET POINT. THE WAY DEREK SPECIFIES THAT HE’LL USE HIS TEETH DEMOLISHES ME

Ughhhh one of my all time favorite Allison character moments, I made a whole other post about it I love her

Honestly, I think it would make the plot more impactful if Chris actually liked Scott...... I have a lot of thots on this

THERES A REALLY GOOD DELETED SCENE THAT COMES BEFORE THE FAMILY DINNER AND IM SO UPSET THEY DIDNT KEEP IT.......... idk I just like how fucked up the Argents are

“Hockey on grass.... is called.. field hockey” thank you so much for the insight Christopher

Oh my god the moon is in the fucking sky theyve been stuck in the car together since like 3pm it’s been like 5 or 6 hours???? God could you imagine Stiles rambling at the dude for 6 hours, he’d take so much psychic damage Stiles would kill him before the poison would, I love this show

Chris stop talking about werewolves in metaphors at a kid who you don’t even suspect to be a werewolf yet what’s wrong with you

OKAY IM SORRY I LOVE THEIR BANTER Derek, an entire werewolf, (slowly dying, yeah, but still a huge werewolf man) threatening to kill this toothpick of a guy and he’s just like “lmao yeah okay try it bitch” and then Derek trys it thank you teen wolf

YESSSS SCOTT HAVING HIS WOLFY FINGERNAIL GIRLBOSS MOMENT WHILE STILES PUNCHES DEREK IN THE FUCKING FACE AND HURTS HIS OWN HAND BC HES MADE OUT OF GLASS THIS EPISODE SLAPS SO HARD SHUT UUUPPPPP

Derek almost dying, hitting a 10 on the pain scale, and then immediately going back to hating Stiles. He’s everything

Scott the Argents weren’t nice to you what the fuck are you talking about

Uh oh there he is. the motherfucker himself. penis hale :/

The Kate fireplace scene isn’t subtle at all but I do enjoy it if only to watch her strike the match with her fingernail like a crazy person they genuinely do a good job of establishing her character pretty well in this one episode

[animayo]

“They don’t make tombstones for stray dogs.”

Megalo Box, S1 EP 13

Welcome kiddos to some extremely underrated anime,,, seriously why is no one talking about this?

I just saw Megalo Box when I was scrolling through Netflix options and ya’ll know I love a good underdog story. The show was created in honor of the 50th anniversary of the manga Ashita no Joe. The story is centered around Joe, an underground illegal boxer who does fixed fights to survive. On the other side of the river where the wealthy prosper, the Shirato group is holding a Megalo Boxing tournament called Megalonia. Joe almost crashes into Yukiko Shirato and his encounter with her bodyguard/champion, Yuri, sets Joe on a path to prove himself worthy to fight him. 

Before going really in depth, I’d just like to say that this short series is absolutely amazing. There is so much to unpack with Joe’s journey and they really provide insight into each character in only 13 episodes. I really could not bring myself to hate anyone because really, they’re all living and surviving for their own goals. And the animation during the fight scenes and overall soundtrack is unreal. Honestly, I was so anxious for every fight and the animators did an amazing job of making it feel like you’re there with them.

Megalo Box is not dead yet. Season 2 will be back hopefully this year.

Now, real talk under the cut! (SPOILERS)

Right from the beginning I got chills. Joe is unreal and everything I love in a main character. And his main goal? To reach Yuri and fight him in his own ring. His journey to reach the top is not to become famous and steal any titles, instead it’s to be able to fight Yuri, the one person who challenges him more than anyone else. Each opponent he faces beforehand is just another bump to overcome but he continues to learn and improve. What really sealed it for me was him fighting gearless. Megalo Boxing is advanced fights with gear that enhance their performance, so for Joe to beat these pros with nothing is crazy. 

Joe, Nanbu, and Sachio really went through it for the entirety of the show. I mean, obviously to do fixed fights, there has to be some sort of conflict and shady business. That’s why I was skeptical of his trainer, Nanbu, in the beginning. And it only got WORSE after he seemingly betrayed Joe and everything they worked for. But alas, they fought their way through it and beat the cringey American (?) fighter dude,,, I can’t remember his name. Oh well, it doesn’t matter much because our real goal is Yuri, the ultimate champion. Yuri wears this ultimate gear that was designed by Yukiko Shirato, or as he calls her, Owner. We find out the Yukiko basically saved Yuri and gave him a reason to live and continue fighting. BUT Yuri finally defies her when he goes to fight Joe in the final episode. He gets his gear removed, which is like removing a piece of himself, in order to meet Joe as equals. I think this part was really important because it was the first time we really see Yuri act for himself. He’s never faced someone who makes him feel the way he felt when fighting Joe. They were absolute ultimate opponents. But basically, Yuri as a character was so amazing and I love him. He respected Joe so much for all the he sacrificed to meet him at the top and so he made sure to never let his opportunity to fight Joe as HIMSELF slip away. It’s important to note that the flashback we see of when Yukiko first met Yuri and saw his fighting, everything slows down and we see almost sparkles radiating off his form. The ONLY other time we see that again is when he removes his gear and is practicing for his fight with Joe. Yukiko also sees it and I think it played a huge role in her allowing the final match to happen and remembering why she chose Yuri in the first place. She might have seemed to be selfish throughout the story but I really believe that she loved Yuri and did want him to be happy. I think she just didn’t understand at first.

Anyway, stan Yuri :)

Also Nanbu? Fucking redeemed himself so much. He really gave up his eye sight in order to help Joe reach his goal. I cried when he was crying during the final fight because he said he can “see” the fight even though he didn’t have his eyes. That moment was so heartwarming and really just brought their entire group together. And Sachio with his rapping and prickly little personality is so cute. I hope he gets trained by Joe and starts boxing.

The ending was so satisfying to see. We don’t find out Joe wins until the very end during the credits, although it seems somewhat obvious. A year after the fight, Yuri is reduced to a wheelchair and we aren’t sure if Joe is still fighting. Team Nowhere FINALLY has a gym and everyone is just there enjoying each others presence. Yuri and Joe as best friends? Ugh absolutely cleared my skin. They both showed each other what it really means to Megalo Box and Joe was definitely the real deal and everything Yuri was looking for. Everything about it was amazing and has brought Megalo Box to No. 2 in my favorites.

- K

[dukeofonions]

Reaction Redux (I know it doesn’t make sense but it sounds cool)

Alright, here is my initial reaction to Putting Others First: Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux.

It’s finally here, I’ve watched it a total of two times and currently have it on in the background as I type this, and I have a lot of feelings. All of which would be too much for one post, so after I do this I’ll be making a few separate posts addressing certain points I’d like to expand on further. 

So what I’m going to do is have the video playing as I write this out, that way I don’t miss out anything I wanted to discuss. Basically it’s not gonna be a full on analysis, just a lot of random ramblings with what I hope are some insightful gems sprinkled throughout. Consider these my notes for all my future serious analysis posts. 

Good? Great. Let’s go.  (Also spoilers under the cut)

So, how did I feel as I watched the video for the first time? Well considering I got the notification for the video while I was still at work, I couldn’t get as excited as I wanted to be about it because I didn’t get off until 8pm and had to deal with one too many dunderheads so I was pretty grumpy once I got off. 

However, as soon as I got home and retreated to the safety of my isolation fortress (aka my bedroom) I was finally able to get excited as I got on my laptop and pulled up the video and let me just say I was a mess the entire time. I missed my boys!!! I knew they wouldn’t all be present, but I still missed my boys!!! And I loved seeing them again!!! 

First things first, that song at the beginning! I think it’s called Review Redux (correct me if I’m wrong) it’s such a freaking bop and I wish it was longer because I could listen to it all day. I loved the artwork and little details that went into their characters, and how each of the circles represented who was singing/talking by their colors. Fun stuff and a great way to recap everything! As well as foreshadow things to come within the episode… “If our goals aligned with his what would that say?” Roman you’re in for a rude awakening bud… 

Also, the little moment near the beginning where Patton is about to shut Thomas’ negative thinking down, but stops himself and allows Thomas to explain why he feels that way. Showing that he’s learned to ease up just a little since he learned to do so in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Good for you Patton. 

Speaking of Patton, oh he is so confused. I understand where he’s coming from, and honestly everything he said are things I have been taught growing up, and this is something I’ll address in another post because I have a lot of things to say about it. But just know that I adore the development Patton has been going through and watching him grow and mature. 

Oh yes, I must mention I was pleasantly surprised to see Logan. I didn’t think he’d show up in this episode, or at the very least have a brief appearance, but I love how he took part and by far the funniest part in this episode (to me) is when he had so much to say in one little post that it popped up and hit Patton in the nose. It was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud and I rewound it a few times on my first viewing. 

Plus Thomas being more concerned about the blinds than Patton. My type of humor. And Roman actually gets to use his sword for once, good for him! 

(Funny enough as I typed this the video got to that part at the exact same time so I got a nice little laugh again) 

Which brings up my next point: Logan getting yoinked after Patton skips his dialogue. No one talks about how he does his little impression of that philosopher, am I the only one who found that utterly adorable? 

Let Logan geek out over philosophers please. He clearly loves it so much. 

Then we get to Roman believing he’s the one responsible for everything, wanting to give up the driver’s seat to Patton. And just… This exchange of dialogue:

Thomas: “Roman, I only mean well when I say…” Thomas: “That that is the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Roman: “Oh Thomas, you’re just blowing smoke.” 

I don’t know why I enjoy this so much but I do. Give me more of this. I crave it now.

And I just need to make a whole post about Patton in this video, there is so much to unpack with him alone.

Looking back and noticing that Thomas only starts listening to Logan after he’s been replaced by Deceit kinda hurts. 

Speaking of which, can we appreciate how much better Deceit has gotten at impersonating Logan? Looks like he took Roman’s advice and focused on the little things. Good for him. 

Alright, one of my absolute favorite parts from this episode and where things really start to shine: Patton freaks out and turns into a giant frog because he’s so desperate to have an answer for them he flips and honestly, sounds a little crazy. Which, I don’t know why but I find it both menacing and hilarious at the same time? 

Also the fact he turns into a frog because he was talking about Frogger earlier, nice touch! (And Lilypadton that’s so cute) 

Then we get probably the single greatest character entrance in the history of character entrances. We find out that Deceit finally reveals himself and steps in to stand up to Patton and get him to see how his actions have been having a negative effect on Thomas. 

The way his voice changes from Logan’s to his own, his music kicking in, “The Lord of the Lies” oh my gosh it’s all just perfect! Also Roman’s “Reptilian Rapscallion! Reptilian Rapscallion! We’ve got a code yellow!” 

And if I may: Roman: “What have you done with Logan?!” Deceit: “Nothing at all and I resent the question.” 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SNEK?! 

(in all honest probably nothing but what if) 

Important to note here that Roman instantly begins defending Patton from Deceit as soon as he accuses him of misleading Thomas. This goes to show just how much Roman views him as a villain. Or in other words: Patton, good. Deceit, bad. A viewpoint he continues to hold onto until the end of the episode, which also deserves it’s entire post because we all know how much turbulence that caused within the fandom. 

And to the observant eye, you’ll notice that the cane (or staff) Deceit uses is the same one that dragged Logan off screen. 

Frog puns. That is all.

I just, I love Deceit’s dialogue throughout this scene. It’s stuff I need to hear and tell myself on a regular basis. And I’d honestly rewatch this part (along with the rest of what Deceit and Logan say later on in the video) because it’s all something I need to also teach myself. But this ain’t meant to be a personal post so I’ll just move on. 

Deceit’s walk towards the camera. I don’t know why. It’s so smooth. He’s amazing. I love him. Snek… 

I have problems don’t @ me. 

Also no one is mentioning the reference to that one “Turn based rpg” short that Thomas made with his friends and I find that sad because it’s a neat and fitting reference given the theme of this video. Also earlier on when the trolley problem is first brought up all the people on the bottom track are Thomas’ friends. Another neat little detail, though sadly, their digital selves perished. 

PETER SINGER 

Logan doesn’t seem to like Deceit much, not outright hate him or anything, but it’s more like he just tolerates him but doesn’t seek to get on good terms with him. Which is a shame because as both parts of SVS have proven, these two have the capacity to work together. Which is why I hope Logan gets a debate episode with him as well because out of all the Sides, these two have interacted the least and that needs to be remedied (especially when they’re my two favorites) 

Deceit is trying to make Roman understand, but he’s so caught up in this black and white thinking that he disregards everything Deceit says! Why? Because the last time he tried to hear Deceit out he was reprimanded. (In other words, I relate to Roman so much in this that it hits a little too close to home and I’m definitely making a separate post about this. 

Deceit: *confused* Trees? And I’m so glad I found out I’m not the only dunce who thought Deceit’s name was going to be written on his hand… 

But seriously this whole moment, with the buildup, Deceit’s reluctance to share his name, the music, I’d put it up there with Virgil’s “I was one of them” for best Sanders Sides scenes.

Also, Deceit’s name is Janus! I was a little iffy about it at first, but since I didn’t ever really have a prediction for his name, I wasn’t disappointed and the name is growing on me. 

And then, the moment of trust is immediately ruined by Roman laughing. Dude, come on. (again though, post for another time because I understand where Roman is coming from here)

In all seriousness though I just love the last bits of this episode. The emotion, the angst, it doesn’t hold back and I appreciate the team taking things a step further than normal. Usually, moments like this are followed up by a joke to play it off, but they don’t do that after Roman sinks out. They stay in the moment until it’s had time to sink in. I wish the episode had ended a little more somberly, but I think this is a good step in the right direction. Showing that there won’t always be a 100% happy conclusion to things. Sometimes you need to take time in between to figure things out. 

This line: “Do you think there’s a limit to how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they’re just bad for you?” This line is so important to me within the context of the episode and outside of it. I won’t get too personal but I will say that I was raised to believe that if a person wronged me in any way, that if they said sorry, I had to forgive them. Even if they did the same thing over and over and over again. As long as they apologize, you have to forgive them and move on. And that has messed me up in so many different ways, especially when those people are family. 

Janus sums it up best with “It depends” because yes, some people make the same mistakes again and again. But there’s a difference between someone trying to change and accidentally falling back on old habits, and someone taking advantage of your “forgiveness” that they continue to do those hurtful things because they know they can get away with it and not have to change. 

Also, while it’s totally fine for people to dislike Patton, I can’t understand how anyone could watch this episode and claim that he’s still the same as he was at the beginning of SVS Part One because he has changed. He has finally realized just how much he’s been hurting Thomas, and even Roman. He sinks out at the end to apologize to him, he recognizes his faults, and he’s seeking to make amends. He wants to do the right thing here, and keep in mind that recently a lot of his views (which are also Thomas’ views) have been flipped on their heads and they both need to rethink some things. It’s part of growing up and becoming your own person. 

I need to make a whole post about the more personal things that I got from the last three episodes (excluding Asides) because there’s just so many important things these episodes teach and I feel the need to address them. 

Also everyone sleeping on the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. just casually makes an appearance and attempts to start a pilot episode for his own series “Odom Sides” which I wish him luck on. He just wants to be in the room where it happens. 

Everything Patton did was for Thomas, so he wouldn’t be left in the dark again. He promised to keep fighting but ultimately, ended up fighting himself. Am I deep yet?

“Those imperfections don’t make you any less worthy of love” can you tell how much this episode means to me yet? 

Janus’ “I’ll take care of him.” Ack, he just cares so much… My gosh… Where did this character come from and what did he do with the slimy boi? (I mean that in two different ways)

Oh, there he is. That’s my boi. 

“There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.” “There are much less barbaric, much more fun, forms of sabotage.” 

Parallels? Maybe? What the heck I love Janus whether he’s encouraging Thomas to look after his mental health or plot his schemes in the shadows. Do I trust Janus? Oh heck no, of course not. There is something suspicious going on here and I both love it and hate it. More on that in a different post though.

“You’re not stuck with an evil snake boi. You’re just stuck with a snek boi.” 

Yes Thomas, continue to overthink every little issue until it results in a mental breakdown. Hm, sounds like what someone with anxiety does… I suppose that’s why this series exists. 

Okay call me a bad person but I almost always space out during Thomas’ messages to the viewers at the end of the videos. I don’t know why but I cannot focus on them to save my life and usually end up skipping past them to get to the end card. I dunno, maybe because it takes me out of the moment? Especially during episodes where they don't’ address the audience at all and then suddenly “Oh yeah! This is a Youtube series lol” it just feels out of place in more story driven episodes like this one. 

Okay am I the only one that’s kinda creeped out by Lee and Mary Lee? I dunno they just seem, off. Like if they were characters in a horror movie they’d be that overly nice couple that turn out to be the killers. Those are the vibes they give me. Maybe it’s because I have zero people skills due to being homeschooled all my life and the only social interaction I get is with coworkers so I dunno. They still creep me out. They creep me out more than Remus. And he legit freaked me out for a bit before he stole my heart. (I suppose this means I need to make a separate post about these two because I do have some opinions about whether or not it was a good idea to actually include them at the end. When I said I had too many thoughts about this episode I meant it)

And if the end card is any indication, I’m going to assume that the Sides are invisible to everyone except Thomas. Unless they’re just “observing” and not even Thomas can see them at this point, given he shows no indication of seeing or hearing them there. Maybe they get to choose when they’re visible? Or Thomas does? I dunno, the rules of this universe have never been clearly stated and are inconsistent. 

I didn’t expect Patton to be the first to accept Janus, and I’m kinda glad I was proven wrong. It does seem fitting with Patton’s growth and I liked their little moment at the end. 

And that wraps up my commentary. I hope you found something in this mess of, things. I plan to go more in depth with my separate posts which I’m going to have fun writing, so be on the lookout for those! 

Also at the time of writing this I now have 63 followers?! Thank y’all so much! I never thought this blog would get this far and I’m so glad it did because I’m having a lot of fun with it and hope to bring out more content regularly! Again, thank you!!

[stereostevie]

LaKeith Stanfield Settles Into His Toughest Role Yet: Himself

As he heads towards his thirties, the electrifying actor is laying himself bare — and finding a new sense of balance

by Tirhakah Love Feb 12

For nearly a decade, LaKeith Stanfield has used his screen time reveling in the bizarreness of America’s racial consciousness. Whether Atlanta’s quippy street mystic Darius, or the code-switching sardonics of Cassius in Sorry to Bother You, his characters have always seemed to be in on the joke — and in his latest, Judas and the Black Messiah, Stanfield is closer to the secret than ever before.

Shaka King’s film, which chronicles the final days of Black Panther Party Chairman Fred Hampton (Daniel Kaluuya) through the sullen eyes of FBI informant William O’Neal (Stanfield), finds the actor in his darkest, most nuanced rendition of the Black saboteur to date. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do,” the 29-year-old said over a Zoom call last week, “I just really wanted to make sure I was getting it right. But then also not getting it too right, if that makes sense.”

Stanfield has built a name on playing conflicted characters, but a figure with as much baggage as O’Neal — who was forced into his own role while still a teenager — demanded what he calls a “necessary nuance,” one that became, at times, overwhelming. The film set became not just a vision of radical Black politics, but a space for Stanfield to process his own upbringing in order to be a more “realized, holistic” person. LEVEL spoke with the actor about how playing O’Neal helped illuminate his path toward a healthier decade that included both therapy and meditation, heading into his thirties.

LEVEL: Judas and the Black Messiah was supposed to drop in August, but 2020 had other plans. How does it feel to know it’s coming out?

LaKeith Stanfield: I’m excited. I want people to learn about Chairman Fred Hampton’s story. It’s something that’s not spoken about enough. Everything has been such a question mark with this pandemic — not knowing how it was going to come out, or whether it would come out, period. So here we are with Black History Month, this story of Chairman Fred Hampton, and everybody gets to experience this in the most honest way we could put it in. I’m really happy. I’m going to host a screening at my house and just invite everybody… who’s been tested. [Laughs]

By my count, this is the second role that Daniel swiped from under your nose. Didn’t he get you for Get Out, too?

That’s right. You know what, for Get Out I auditioned for like every role. I came in and I read with Jordan Peele. And then I read for another — I think it was Rel’s role — and ended up eventually reading for my role. Damn, I forgot all about that.

How can we keep being friends with a dude who just steals roles from you, bro?

Nah, it’s all good. [Laughs] Ultimately, those decisions are made by people who have a better understanding about casting and their relation to the story than I do. If they’d asked me to play a hat in this movie, I would’ve done it.

It doesn’t seem like a Hollywood thing to do at all.

Hollywood is not always behind things like this. It took years to get it to the point where we could actually make it. These are stories people are yearning for. We have to always prove that time and time again, unfortunately, but it is what it is. We show and prove these kinds of stories are human stories. They’re specific to the Black experience, but it’s global. We hope that we can get these studios to understand that more and more.

How did you relate to [William O’Neal’s] isolation and paranoia he lived with? How did you tap into that?

I didn’t see him as someone I could connect to, so we started to design the character from the inside out. The thing is, we don’t have any information about O’Neal outside of his Eyes on the Prize interview, a couple of court transcripts, and other eyewitness accounts. We could create him from scratch and give him different dimensions. I wanted to introduce how he might be a thrill-seeker. He might get fun out of creating imbalance. He steals cars — he wasn’t very afraid to put himself in a line of fire — but he was also a person who eventually felt guilty about what he did. In the full-length version of his Eyes on the Prize interview, he says at one point, “I felt bad about the things I did, but I had to continue to play the role.” He contradicts that later by saying, “I’ll let history speak for me.” Clearly this guy has an internal struggle that we missed.

Wearing all these different masks.

In the scene where I had to poison him, a lot of it didn’t end up making it to the final cut, but we shot [me mixing it in] Kool-Aid, and I had to go through all those motions. With somebody like Daniel, who I just respect as a human and an artist, as Fred Hampton, it felt like I was actually poisoning Chairman Fred Hampton. One thing [co-star] Dominique Fishback mentioned to me is that your body doesn’t always differentiate the experience from your imagination. So sometimes your body thinks that’s real, everything you’re putting it through. It’s no wonder I’ve been feeling so stressed out and having panic attacks. I realized going forward before I step into something like that again, maybe have a therapist. [Laughs]

“There’s a dynamic between celebrity and the common man that Covid-19 has really lifted the veil on. We all gotta wear our masks or we suffer the same fate. You’re not special.”

For Black people playing an op it’s different. There’s real pressure. Especially for a character who’s never been portrayed.

That’s how I felt when I first figured out I found out who he was. But you don’t go into something like this not knowing that’s going to be the case. I hope I was able to portray him in a way that made people see themselves in the character. What decisions would you have made? Were you trying to go to jail for five to 10 years? Would you try to stay out? What does that mean? Those are the more important questions. Let’s say there’s a million people in the world: two of them are Fred Hamptons; the rest are William O’Neal. I want to challenge people to think about the ways they might be O’Neal-esque. And maybe through seeing this, you might distance yourself from some of those things.

If the pandemic has revealed anything, it’s the disconnect between the celebrity class and everyone else. People like Hampton and [Bobby] Seale are trying to do cultural work. We’re seeing that there’s disconnects here. How does a film like this impact your view of celebrity?

These roles are metaphors for so many things. Chairman Fred Hampton as a metaphor for socialism, selflessness, and O’Neal could be argued to be a metaphor for capitalism and selfishness, or perceived celebrity ego. There’s a dynamic between celebrity and the common man that exists, which Covid-19 has really lifted the veil on to a significant degree because we all sit in here on Zoom, right? [Laughs] We all gotta wear our masks or we suffer the same fate. You’re not special. This made everybody have to sit down and confront that idea.

[Laughs] Right.

One could argue that the fact that Fred Hampton died at a young age is justification as to why you shouldn’t try and put things outside yourself for the greater good, because it ends up being helpless and hopeless. I don’t agree with that. I think that Chairman Fred Hampton’s legacy lives on, like he said, “you can kill a revolutionary, but you can’t kill a revolution.” I remember being in that scene where Daniel was giving a speech, and I’m thinking, the things that Chairman Fred did all those years ago, today we are here experiencing this moment collectively because of him. While I’m doing this, I’m looking into the audience, seeing Afros, seeing Black people, seeing the beauty and the confidence and love, I don’t really even see that these days. So he zapped me back into a time where this is what people were on. We gotta find that in ourselves again and unlock it

You have a great way of playing chaos agents. Whether it’s a muted performance in Atlanta or muted in a different way in Uncut Gems, where your character was always on the fucking edge. Why do those roles as subversive figures speak to you?

I haven’t really thought about it but I know one thing’s for sure: I tend to lean toward characters who have internal dialogue or struggle. I like trying to find some groundedness and truth in the in-between of two extremes. These characters appeal to me on a subconscious level because that’s how I am. I like taking things to crazy extremes and then trying to find some kind of balance in that. I’m also attracted to characters being able to show the mirror to you and have you see something that activates something in you. Those characters that have you see yourself through absurdity.

You mentioned earlier how young these dudes were. Fred Hampton was 21 years old when he was killed. If he made 24, 25, I’m wondering how much more he could have gotten done. Being Black, we make it to 25, it’s a thing. You’re now about to make it to 30. How’s it hitting you? Do you think about age at all like that?

Not really. Not really, but to some extent, this is a landmark moment for me. I feel like I’m just starting to really get my shit together, like personally. And be the better version of myself for myself. I just started therapy just this year.

Yo, congrats.

Thanks man. Going into my thirties, I plan to continue to do it. It’s been helpful for me to unpack a lot of stuff. I’ve been through a lot of stuff, there’s a lot of things I just didn’t confront. Those things mount; you act out in different ways and they can become harmful to you. So I just said this year, I’m going to make the choice to try and be better. Like I was always throwing off therapy. I never wanted to try it. I was like, whatever. It was just something that’s bad in my family. Growing up, everyone’s like, “therapy, what the fuck are talking about?”

So I wanna continue working on that — working on myself and finding a better sense of balance, and by virtue of doing that, unlock more potential in my heart. And I’ll be able to express in a more realized, whole holistic way. Those are my ambitions moving forward.

There’s always a moment where you just know that you need it. That, there are strategies you just don’t have that you need to build to be a person. Was there a moment for you where it’s like, fuck I really gotta go to therapy. I really gotta get some help?

I wake up every day and I have the same thought: Fuck, I gotta go to therapy.

[Laughter]

I was kind of raised like a wolf. I didn’t have parents or people who were guiding me or told me anything. So I had to figure out everything on my own — try on masks and faces and hats and wigs — and try to figure out what my place is in the world. For a long time, I didn’t realize I was stunted because of that. Not having that at home, and at an early age being traumatized by things I was seeing. Just now, I’m starting to really find the tools to help me pull that young self out of that abyss. It took me a while to even realize there was a problem because I was like, “Oh, you guys are crazy. I’m not crazy.”

Were you shopping for therapists during the pandemic?

It’s all on Zoom now. I’ve found this really cool therapist. It’s great and perfect for me right now. Hopefully it continues to be the case. It’s helped me a lot. After doing press yesterday, I had another session and it was amazing. It helps you unlock things about yourself. It’s not even necessarily about the person that you’re doing therapy with, but like you said, perspectives and strategies and tools that you didn’t have access to before.

Especially in the work you do, it’s important to extricate yourself — that period of like, okay, I gotta get out of this. How have you come back to yourself in this period of time?

It’s been meditation. The one good thing about this pandemic is being able to sit at home by yourself and deal with yourself and just your inner voice. And even though that’s annoying as hell, beautiful clarity comes out of it. People would be surprised how many answers they can give themselves just by listening to themselves and not distracting yourself with so many things like social media or movies and stuff. Now, it isn’t easy, especially once you become hooked into a pattern, but it’s really worth it.

That’s been beautiful for me just to take those moments. It’s important and it’s taught me a lot about myself. And that’s kinda what pushes you. Now that you understand and recognize some of the issues that you want to make better about yourself, you can plan on ways to do that. Whether it means therapy or yoga, which I also started doing.

There’s a scene in the film that feels like the Last Supper, and it’s just gut-wrenching. That sense of dread is so hard to tap into, but it also feels of a piece with what so many of us have been going through — knowing that people are losing their lives, either from our government or from a virus, and living with that same dread.

It’s a real thing. I went to the hospital recently on some health stuff. When I was in there, there were a bunch of Covid-19 patients being moved about. Being in a hospital is pretty scary right now. People screaming and literally dying around you. There’s an overall energy. Like this feeling of loss permeating in the world today.

Before we started this movie, my best friend who I grew up with got killed by his brother. So I was carrying that with me the whole time. One thing that made those moments real for me is that I know what it feels like to lose somebody abruptly, violently. When we filmed me having to poison Fred Hampton, it was a really tough day — I was thinking about my own brother, just in a whole different place all day. On set crying. That sense of loss, knowing the violence of all of that, really informed everything for me. There was no distinction between reality and what I was experiencing in the moment. Most of the takes in that scene, I was actually bawling. I had to tone it back.

The worlds are just overlapping with one another. That’s fucking wild.

I hope having gone through all that, somebody watching it can be moved or touched. Maybe it helps put emphasis on Fred Hampton and why it’s so valuable to protect people like him.

As someone who lost someone close recently, some days it feels like your worlds are collapsing on one another. I just lost my dad this past summer. It’s weird to even talk about, but the fact that you have to just carry on, with your friend’s death sitting in the back of your head is…wild.

With movies, you never know if we’re doing the right take, or even if it’s ever going to be seen by anyone. Especially with something like this, you never really know. I’m so grateful for everybody putting their best foot forward. I want everybody to see it. I really want Black people to see it, especially Black kids in Chicago. I want them to see someone who really put things outside of themselves and put something first and gave in love. I just hope that somebody sees it and it touches them. It makes them think about something a little differently. That’d be dope.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hi! I’m your gifter for the Klaroline Gift Exchange! I wanted to check in and tell you my idea and see if I’m on the right track for your gift. I’m thinking about the following: Historical human AU - Caroline is the daughter of a powerful baron. Klaus is an artist under the patronage of Caroline’s father. Highlights: a dark secret, angst, multiple murders, betrayal and revenge. Also, some smut to to take the edge off. Does that sound ok?

Alrighty so first off, may I marry your brain?? Utterly serious, no joke. May I marry it?

I mean dude—

Are you kidding me?? This is bloody perfect, so fucking perfect. I mean I feel like you jumped into my brain and just frolicked around a bit and were like *picks overly biased tropes/tags my brain constantly screams about like picking flowers* and then weaved a Garland with all those flowers and put it around my damn neck. I mean Ik I haven’t read the fic yet, heck the fic isn’t even written out yet, but like if I saw this description in the summary or tags, I’d dive head first for the work.

Historical Human AU, with a class difference between Klaus and Caroline, scandalous baby. I mean I dig.

Klaus as the Artist under patronage, honestly why aren’t there more fics with Historic Artist!klaus, it fits in perfectly.

Caroline the wealthy daughter of the Baron, yes ma’am I believe you are taking this in the right direction, especially if I get to see this class difference between Klaus and Caroline turn their love forbidden-y or secretive.

Ok just tell me this, have you and I had a conversation like ever in my life? Do we know each other? Because anybody who has talked to me for even like two minutes knows that this, this right here “dark secret, angst, multiple murders, betrayals and revenge.” Is basically what my custom Pokemon’s aesthetic would look like. I mean is it perfect? Bloody yes. But I’ll still unpack all of it because I’m ✨extra✨ like that,

Dark secret; alright so here’s the thing, love love love fics when either Klaus or Caroline have a nice snug close-to-the-heart poisonously scandalous secret no one should know about, but, (yes there’s a but) if this is a secret either Klaus or Caroline are keeping from each other, and it’s the kind of secret that in a honest trusting relationship the other would know about it, because it’s important and crucial information, and yet one of them keeps the secret from the other for xyz reason, the person who was kept in the dark should please throw a MASSIVE fit about it, not silently uNdErStAnD why it’s was kept a secret, or accept that some secrets are best left secret, but like be really angry that the person wasn’t able to trust them, and be hurt about it, Am I making sense? I don’t think I am, basically what I’m saying is if KC are bluffing to each other make the truth hurt. Please Dont let the forgiveness be easy. Make my babies pay. 👉🏾👈🏾🥺

But if the secret is just something Klaus and Caroline are keeping from everyone else or everybody else is keeping from Klaroline, or is basically outside of Klaroline instead of between them, go crazy, hurt my babies don’t hurt my babies, totally up to you. But thank you for this dark detail, I shall cherish it with tender hands.

Angst;

Ok Hi have you met me?

If no then here’s your answer,

YES

No wait like

YES

Gimme gimme gimme.

But, yes again there’s a but, (I’m so so sorry if I’m being very picky and hard to please not my intention at all, I just want to make things clearer for you, but at the end of the day you have total creative control, so like go crazy for me, I will fully appreciate it.) But back to the point at hand, I love love love angst between KC, I adore it, i mean KC canon or otherwise are not a flowery sunshine fluff couple, they’ve got problems and issues and are far too alike and way too different to even logically be together without constantly stepping on each other’s toes, I usually like angst when one of em fucks up and there’s a lot of grovelling involved, or angst due to conflict in between them, or angst due to misunderstandings, but what I do not appreciate is the abusive nature/toxicity/hurtful nature of the conflict or angst creating action forgiven easily, or not being dealt with, basically I want the closure to the angst to be reasonable to both characters, and no one is being a pushover, the Klaus and Caroline dynamic is built upon calling each other out, not taking each other’s shit and zero tolerance for each other’s toxicity, so I would very very much appreciate that to be included here.

Betrayal and revenge;

I mean ma’am you are waltzing straight up my alley and owning it like a mafia mobster, when I say angst, I usually mean conflict and what other better way to bring in conflict than betrayals and revenge. Oh the blood and the lies and the schemes, 10/10 ik I will enjoy, but I’d just like to say, that if betrayal in any way means infidelity, I will not enjoy it, fics with cheating in between Klaus and Caroline are squick for me, so please take this into consideration, and lest I sound awfully repetitive, like I said if the betrayal and revenge (conflict) is between KC don’t let them go easy on one another. And if the revenge and betrayal is not in between KC and with outside forces, just know that I appreciate it bloody.

Multiple murders;

Ok so I’m confused, are these sad murders, like good characters who are close to Klaroline dying, or douchecanoe asshats being hacked to pieces good fucking riddance murders, because like I usually don’t appreciate the former, when I say angst it means conflict (I’m really really sorry if I failed to mention that in the original assignment that was stupid of me) and not pure grief, it leans towards anger and despise and remorse and hurt more so than just grief, grief is a pretty straightforward emotion, there’s less room to play around with unlike the others I’ve mentioned, so please take this into consideration. So like if you’re killing off characters, please let it be Damon or Stefan or one of the eight hundred other dipshits in the Tvd universe, and please leave my other precious babies alone.

Smut; here’s the thing, I am constantly horny, like no shame, smut is my go to stress relief, I will ways always always ENJOY some good plot with porn, and the plot here is good, so the porn is just delicious vanilla (or not, iykwim) icing on top. So please yes. *insert audio of a person being very very agreeable during sex* please do so, I am absolutely one hundred percent behind, over and under this idea.

Thank you so so much for reaching out to me, I think you are going in the perfectly right direction, continue further down this path and you will make it straight to my heart.

I am again so so sorry if I sound lazer specific and am not giving you enough room to work with or to allow your muse to wander, please know you can always break and make a few rules of your own, this at the end of the day entirely your work, and I don’t intend to take your creative control from you at all, all I ask is please be mindful of the things I feel squick about. Other than that, all I can say is I cannot for the life of me bloody wait for this baby to come out, I am jumpy up and down excited, and I am again so sorry if this is putting too much pressure on you, not my intention, but this is like my first gift exchange ever so I’m extra screamy, anywaysss long story short, thank you so much for doing this for me, again sorry for writing you a whole ass Drabble when probably all you expected was a binary yes or no in answer, but like to answer your question, is this ok? If you haven’t figured it out already

Ahem

✨ YES ✨

This is perfectly and exactly ok, I love it already and I can’t wait to fall in love with it more, please continue to send me asks regarding this if you want something clarified or if you can’t make sense of the chaotic monstrosity above, my inbox is always yours to blow up.

All the love and peace and writerly inspiration in the world being sent to you.

XX

Srishti ❤️❤️

[vios-rockland-corner]

Life in Rockland 1

[Author’s note:  “Life in Rockland” is a creative writing project utilizing a specific OC in place of the MC for the “Rumors of Rockland” series.  I do not own any part of the Rockland universe, only my OC.  Fair warning, creative writing is not my forte.  This is a means of practice and a fun way to enjoy the content further].

Sasha Holmes is new to Rockland and just had quite an interesting day.

 Setting: After game events

Play: Rumors of Rockland- Article 1

[Spoilers below for RoR Article 1]

Sasha’s Choices:

[“Like the guy from Resident Evil?”]

[“Ah ha, what exactly do you have to do to look like you’re from around here?”]

[“Are you serious?”]

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“I can’t believe you’re still not unpacked yet.  Hasn’t it been almost a week since you moved?”

The voice came from Sasha’s laptop.  She was busy multi-tasking while video-chatting with her best friend Pierce.  Well she could see his face IF she turned over from rummaging through boxes and laying out things on the floor.  Some might consider this rude, but Pierce just found it a little hilarious.

“Look it’s a lot of stuff okay?  Besides, I was busy this week going back and forth with work preparations and trying to get the layout of the place,” Sasha said with a huff, looking over her shoulder at the computer.

“Sounds like too much work. You should’ve just stayed home. What’s wrong with waiting a few more years before moving out?”

“Nothing.  Nothing’s wrong with it.  I just...”

“Wanted to break your best friend’s heart?” Pierce gives a very exaggerated pout.  Sasha turns around and smiles coyly.  She crawls over to the computer and lays in front of it, resting her chin on folded arms.

“No.  Even though you kind of deserve it sometimes.”

“I COULD always go easy on you in pool you now?  I don’t mind toning it down.  You’re not gonna beat me otherwise.”

“First off, I don’t want a pity play from you.  Second, you know damn well how close I got last game.”

“Yeah, only to hit the eight-ball into the complete opposite pocket you called. Gotta say, it was almost impressive how you hilariously made a masterful bounce into the wrong fucking pocket,” he grins, holding back his laughter.

“Well I mean that counts as skill doesn’t it?”

“Yeah like scoring a basketball shot for the other team.”

“Whatever, jerk.”

“But back on topic…”

“Okay yeah, look.  I love my hometown, my parents, and even your obnoxious butt.  But I just…didn’t want to get rooted.  I didn’t want to be living with my parents the whole time.  I didn’t want to know ONLY my home.”

“You worry too much.  The rest of the world’s not going to get up and leave if you take too long to hit the road Sasha.”

“I know that, but I wanted…a challenge.”

“A challenge?  You?  I thought you liked everything neat and controlled.  You want to throw things out of wack now?”

“Nothing elaborate.  Just a life challenge.  Take care of my own expenses and start from the ground up.  Meet people on my own and establish a career.”

“I feel like you’re letting your childhood slip away here.”

“Pierce, we’re not kids.”

“YOU sure as hell aren’t.  You always took freakin part-time jobs during college, and full-time jobs in the summer. I had to DRAG you out to the pub and parties for your own sanity.”

“Well moving and covering the cost of living is EXPENSIVE, Pierce.”

“Jesus, how much did you have saved up?”

“Enough so that I could get a place living by myself,” Sasha smiled proudly.

“Not that I don’t think that’s an impressive achievement girl, but I think I would have felt a little better if you had a roommate.  You’re out there by yourself I mean.”

“Look I worked hard for this, so I want my privacy.  I also didn’t really feel comfortable with finding a roommate way out here.”

“You didn’t pick your roommate in college either though.”

“Yeah, but that was our local college Pierce.  I had friends and family right nearby, so if things got weird I had help.  I’m a few hours away from all that now.”

“A ‘few hours’ you say.  It’s like, you’ve gone too short a distance to even warrant a move, and yet just far enough to making it a hassle with visits.”

“I disagree.  I think it’s the perfect distance.  I wanted to be able to visit home, but I didn’t want the temptation to go running home every chance I could get.  Not impossible to go home though.  The point here Pierce is for me to be ‘independent,’” she huffed.

“Whatever.” Pierce rolled his eyes.

“Say what you will, the deed is done.”

“So uh…Rockland.  Why?”

Sasha shrugged.  “No particular reason.  Just seemed like the best choice.  I looked at job advertisements for surrounding areas by distance, looked at their reviews and job pay and what kind of areas they were located at.  The job in Rockland was just better pay from my current job, and the place is small but still attracts tourists.  Means I don’t have to worry about being overwhelmed, but at the same time it SHOULD have just enough amenities and attractions to keep me entertained.”

“Oh?  Entertain yourself huh?  Last I checked that was my job.  Isn’t your idea of fun sitting at a café and going through files?” He smirked.

“Very funny.  Did you forget all the movies we’d watch together too?  I don’t need a buddy for that, and I’ll find other hobbies here. Maybe I’ll start running again.”

“Well good.  Not like you’re gonna get any excitement from your current job.  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to push yourself to do something a little more interesting.”

“Thaaat’s what the hobbies are for Pierce.  The job is just for stability.”

“Could have added a little more drama to your life if you’d just decided to follow your namesake.”

“Pierce, literally no one in my family has ever been a detective.  DESPITE our last name.  It’s just a random name picked by a random author for a character that became randomly popular.  It is not a go ahead to pursue a career in criminal justice.”

“Seriously, why has NO ONE in your family ever tried to be a detective?”

“Because it requires you to see a lot of messed up shit?  I think I’ll pass.  I mean…if it makes you feel better, I had a great uncle who was a PI.”

“Really?? What was that like!?” Pierce looked a little excited.

“Honestly?  From the stories I heard, he just got a lot of crazies paying him.  People paranoid about being stalked or just using him as a way to harass others.  Wasn’t exactly fun work.”

“Bummer,” he said in a dejected tone.  “Well, I guess if you’re in a place like Rockland, probably wouldn’t get much action anyway.”

“What makes you say that?  Haven’t you been here before?”

“Just SOUNDS plain to me.  LITERALLY makes me think of rocks.  Yeah I’ve been there.  But that was like, when I was a kid?  Just visiting.  Was never for long.  Uncle was there.”

“Right.  Younger you was probably also too busy running around and sticking his hands in the dirt to actually pay attention to what was around you.”

“Yeeeeep that sounds like me,” he smirked.

“Well, I don’t know if the place has changed since you were little or you literally just have zero awareness of what’s around you, but I wouldn’t EXACTLY call this place boring.  Not after today.”

“Oh?” Pierce leaned in, curious.  “I’m so sorry, what WAS your day like dear Sasha?”

“Well, I was…looking for a place for a regular hangout.  I found this one bar in the Town Central.  At least it felt a lot more welcoming than some of the clubs around here.  Most of the people in general seem friendly here…but they can tell I’m new.  Like…ALL of them can tell.  It’s a little nerve-racking.”

“Look if you didn’t want to want to stick out like a sore thumb, you should have moved to a city.  I told you that.  Much easier to blend in there.”

Sasha shook her head.  “No, I didn’t want to get overwhelmed like that.  The best city choices were too big.  Then I’d really feel lonely.  It’s not bad here, I just…have to be sure I make a good first impression is all.  I don’t…think they hate new people?”

“You JUST said they were friendly, didn’t you?”

“Yeah but…see the bartender…” Sasha shook her head again, “No, no you know what?  I think I was just getting jittery since it’s a new place.  Forget it.”

Pierce tilts his head. “What about the bartender?”

“He…OH!  His name,” she quickly recovered and laughed.  “His name is Whesker!”

“Like Resident Evil Whesker?” Pierce chuckled.

“EXACTLY LIKE RESIDENT EVIL WHESKER!  Dude even knew what that was!”

“SHIT FOR REAL?!  That’s actually pretty sick.  Points for the bartender.  What’d you order from him?”

“Nothing, actually.  Him and the other bartender had to do something out back.  Didn’t actually get to drink anything the whole time I was there.”

“Boo.  Points deducted.”

Sasha chuckled, “Well I mean they were busy.  I wasn’t really mad.  Kind of got distracted with this one guy having…a mental breakdown?”

“Woah.  Like, what do you mean?”

“I mean he was…really off kilter.  Not gonna lie, dude was kind of terrifying.  He kept cussing up a storm and saying he was gonna slit someone’s throat. He did SOMETHING awful.  Could not figure out for the life me what EXACTLY he did. He had a friend with him and I was certain this dude was going to punch him in the face or toss him across the room. He didn’t though.  He just…kinda…slumped down into a weeping mess. It was weird.  He said something about drinking.  I think the dude was an alcoholic.  It was kind of scary to watch.  At first I was kind of quivering from the raw temper he had.  Then…I felt a little empty.”  Sasha went a little quiet.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Pierce said in a reassuring tone.  “Dude was probably just drunk.  Lots of people probably get a little emotional when they’re drunk.  Met a ton of guys who say a lot of shit they don’t really mean when they’re wasted.  Did he go near you?”  Pierce looked a little concerned.

“Oh no, no I didn’t get caught up in any of that.  His friend I guess took him to some place to cool off.  The alcoholic kept saying something about disappointing someone for…whatever he did.”

“That’s good.  If you were to guess what he did though, what would you say?”

Sasha shrugged.  “Maybe he got in a fight?  Broke someone’s nose?  Or maybe he’s got a gambling problem?”

“Yeah.  Could be those.  He could also literally have just spent all his paycheck on booze, and now he’s gotta figure out what to do for rent.  I’ve seen that a few times.  Whatever the case, just…keep your distance Sasha.  Dude was probably just being overly emotional, but I suggest you stay away from wildcards like that you know?”

“Oh yeah don’t worry.  I don’t do so great anyway with very…loud people.”

Pierce laughed. “Yeah I know.  Just saying that if it’s a small place, you MIGHT spot him again.”

“I’ll be careful.  Should be easy to tell if he’s been drinking again anyway.”

“Sounds like his friend can keep him under control.  Don’t worry, I’m sure the next person you come across won’t be as scary Sasha.”

“Well…by all accounts…I suppose you’re not wrong, even though I feel like you should be,” Sasha laughed nervously.

Pierce cocked an eyebrow.  “The heck is that supposed to mean?”

“I..ummm…I never thought I would say this in my entire life…”

“And that would be?”

“….I met a drug dealer.”

Pierce blinked. “YOU.  Met a DRUG DEALER?  You are shitting me right now.”

“No, no this is a thing that happened.  Right after the alcoholic left.”

“What, you parked close to the back alley and he came out to hassle you?”

“No this was in the bar.”

“Oh, oh so you’re telling me that a drug dealer just walked right the fuck up to you and said ‘Hey wanna buy some drugs?’” Pierce was grinning and trying to hold back his laughter.

“…Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“YES!  I’m not joking! This happened!  And the dude collects snow globes and friendship bracelets too!” Sasha blurted out, exasperated.

Pierce burst out laughing, “NO FUCKING WAY!  No, I’m not believing that shit for a second.  Sasha you must have misinterpreted something there or this dude was just fucking with you.”

“THERE’S NO WAY TO MISINTERPRET THE LINE WORD-FOR-WORD, ‘You want to buy drugs, kid?’”

“Sasha no drug dealer is going to deal that stuff in public.  Cops eat at those places too.”

“Yeah, about that…apparently the cops here are either inept or can be ‘persuaded.’  I don’t know. Tyler’s plan was apparently to give them a blow if he got caught.”

“Okay one, who’s Tyler?  And two, which blow you talking about?”

“Tyler is the drug dealer and…both?”

Pierce stares for a full 10 seconds, stunned.  He then burst out laughing again, falling over on his side this time.

“OH MY GOD!  OH MY FUCKING GOD! Sweet innocent Sasha left home for no less than a week and you’re already hooked up with the world’s nicest drug dealer.  Oh man.  Sasha I take back what I said about Rockland.  Sounds like a riot.”  He had a large Cheshire grin on his face, but was holding his sides from laughing so hard.

Sasha rolled her eyes and said in a deadpan tone, “Well I’m glad through this long conversation, the thing that finally seems to get you to approve of my move is my association with a drug dealer.  Of all things.  Your reaction also makes me understand Dylan’s pain even more now.”

Pierce sighed, “Oh man, that just, that just made my day.  Thank you….wait who the hell is Dylan?”

“You’re welcome, and Dylan is Tyler’s friend.  He was mostly horrified about how open Tyler was.  Probably one of the more sane people in the bar that night. He dragged Tyler away at the end.”

“Aww, so you didn’t get any drugs?”

“No?  No number, no drugs.”

“Why would you NOT get drugs?!”

“What th-YOU KNOW ME!  That’s not me.  Plus my parents would have a heart attack if I tried anything.”

“But Sasha!  It’s not enough to just not buy a product from a vendor whose actions you don’t approve of.  You gotta purchase from their competition whose conduct you prefer!”

“…Okay I get what you’re saying.  Like if I want to support humanely raised animals, buy the food in the store that’s only from farms with humane raising tactics.  But, Pierce…you’re talking about DRUG DEALERS here. That’s ALL illegal.”

“Same difference.  I’d rather pay the friendly snow globe collecting drug dealer in the bar than the creepy freak in the dark alley.  It’s how you make the world a better place Sasha!  Illegal or not, not like they’re going away.”

“You are…just…I think I understand Dylan’s feelings even more now.”

“Let me come visit sometime.  You can take me to see Tyler.”

“Oh hell no!  If I have any say in this, I’m gonna try my hardest that you two never meet.  I will NEVER hear the end of it otherwise.”

“Boo.  Fine, be that way.  …Hey can I tell your parents about Tyler?”

“NO.  You’ll make THEM start to question my choice in coming here.”

“Okay okay.” Pierce settled down.  “So in summary, you walked into a bar where the bartenders dipped out, an alcoholic was in hysterics and the drug dealer was trying to get you in his books….Eh, you know when I say it out loud it doesn’t sound like the craziest bar ever. May even be pretty normal compared to some standards,” he grinned.

Sasha chuckled, “Yeah, I think I’ll pay the place another visit sometime. It was…interesting.”

“You could use a little spice in your mundane life girl.  Sounds like this place could be a gem.  Let me know who else pops up there next time, kay?” he winked.

“I will.  Have a good night Pierce.”

“Say hi to Tyler for me!”

“GOOD NIGHT Pierce.”

Sasha clicked “End Call.”

Sasha sighed.  She felt emotionally exhausted.

Her eyebrows furrowed.  “Did I forget something?  I think that was all the news.  There was something though…” Sasha thought to herself.  Something was nagging at her.

“The…bartender?  What am I…oh no I mentioned his name!  Pretty sure that was it,” she chuckled.

Sasha looked at the boxes and just shook her head.  She’ll finish it later.  Right now, bed sounded like the best idea after all that excitement.

[takerfoxx]

Right, okay, let’s talk about Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Oh boy, do I have a lot to unpack here. And, uh, content warning for discussion of rape and genocide.

Right, let’s start with my thoughts on the first one. Overall, I liked it a whole lot, but mostly I’m astounded that it got the go-ahead in the first place. I mean, a bizarre subversive take on Sleeping Beauty of all things that recasts Disney’s most iconic villain as a sort of anti-hero with a heavy feminist slant that had a blatantly unsubtle rape metaphor as its centerpiece? It should have been a trainwreck! Hell, it almost was a trainwreck, one that threatened to jump the tracks the entire runtime! It shouldn’t have worked, it almost didn’t work...but it still did.

Part of that was just how committed everyone involved was to its own mad premise. Say what you want about the idea, but it was ballsy as hell, and it totally went all in with...everything. I mean, you kind of have to just to make something like this work, as any kind of drawback or halfass would’ve caused the whole thing to come crashing down, so the only chance you’ve got is to point the whole endeavor straight at that brick wall and slam your foot down on the ignition. And it went in deep, recontextualizing King Steffen as a paranoid, manipulative, power-hungry madman; the three fairies as total dolts; Prince Philip, someone who might seem dull in comparison to later princes like Aladdin, Eric, or the Beast, but was still the most proactive prince Disney had at that point, as kind of a duffer whom Maleficent had to literally drag along on his own quest and who was understandably squeamish about kissing an unconscious girl against her will; Daival as a dashing sidekick; and completely flips the Maleficent/Aurora relationship on its head. That’s the sort of thing you see in those What If? fanfics that you tend to obsess over in highschool, and it comes packing all of the raw emotion of one of those fics, and because of that it pulls its own crazy premise off. Yes, it was flawed. Yes, there were things that didn’t work. But they almost don’t matter in light of just how impressive it was that they managed to pull something this audacious off.

And as for the rape metaphor...actually, scratch that. Let’s call a spade a spade, okay? It wasn’t a metaphor, that was straight up a rape. Maybe it wasn’t sexual, but what a lot of people forget is that rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power. It’s about dominating another person to take their power away so that the aggressor can feel powerful, and that’s how it was played, and they committed to showing it in all of its ugliness. I mean, holy shit that takes balls.

But the bulk of the reason why it worked was because of Angelina Jolie.

I mean, what an absolutely mesmerizing performance! The OG Maleficent was so memorable in part because everyone else in that movie kind of...wasn’t, but also because she was super cool and super badass and totally in love with being THAT BITCH! And Angelina Jolie absolutely owns that role.

I mean, she is Maleficent. She just took a DNA test, and I don’t need to tell you what the results are. She embodied all of that iconic character’s regal majesty, menace, cruelty, confidence, and knowing that she was the badass bitch to ever vamp about in a long black gown with a bitching pimp staff just ready to show up uninvited and wreak some unholy vengeance, and then some. There is no longer any need to wonder where your god is, because she is right there, and she is all out of mercy.

But then she goes and gives actual depth to a really awesome but still kind of one note character, from the young innocence before she was betrayed to genuinely bonding with young Aurora to her desperate heartbreak over being unable to break her own curse to actual fear when it seems that the mad king has finally got her to...well, the agony of betrayal when she wakes up and fully realizes what Steffen has done to her. That’s a wide range of emotions to have to portray in a character only known for being smirkingly evil or ragingly evil, but she goes in hard, and basically holds the whole haphazard production together through the sheer gravitational pull of her performance.

So when they announced a sequel, I was intrigued. In fact, I was hoping for another totally insane, probably a bad idea production that just goes HAM on whatever crazy topical stuff it wants to talk about with Angelina Jolie just owning everything she touches.

But what it turned out to be...

Sigh.

Okay.

Let’s do this.

All right, I won’t go into specific plot details until I reach the spoiler cut, because they’re not really important. What I want to get across is the first third of this movie, it really had me. It was good! It had everything I liked about the first one. Different situation, sure, but we had Maleficent being Maleficent and bouncing off other characters, both old and new, and it was good.

Then the second third rolled around, and things started to come apart. I mean, it didn’t totally lose me or anything, there was a lot of good stuff, we learn a lot of cool lore, there’s a kickass Zootopia-type place we visit with a whole bunch of biomes, and I was generally okay with how things were, assuming that they could stick the landing. But the big problem here was that there was a whole lot less of Maleficent. Oh, she was there, sure, but she wasn’t really...doing much, mostly just walking around while some other character explained exposition to her, to which she barely even reacts, so we’re left with Aurora and Philip and Michelle Pfieffer as the new evil queen to do all the heavy lifting. And they do an admirable job of it I suppose (though the lack of romantic chemistry between Aurora and Philip was really noticeable here), but this part was seriously missing Angelina Jolie’s overwhelming presence that the first movie had, so the seams started to show.

And then we get to the third act, and that’s where it all fell apart for me. So, I guess it’s spoiler time.

Long story short, the main plot is that Prince Philip’s mom is evil and is trying to arrange for the total genocide of all of Maleficent’s fairy subjects in the Moors so that the humans can take over. And she does this by first poisoning the king with the same curse Aurora was originally under and blaming it on Maleficent (okay, that works), have Maleficent sniped when she tries to flee with an iron bullet (makes sense), come up with a special iron/magic flower compound that is fatal to fairies (good so far), and luring the Moors inhabitants in with the promise of being wedding guests, locking them in the cathedral, and dousing them with this fairy killing dust. And just in case, she also has the entire castle barricaded and guarded with a whole bunch of fairy killing dust weapons and traps.

You know what? For an evil plot, she really worked out most of the contingencies, and it nearly succeeds, though the question must be asked of why the Moors inhabitants just stroll right in after their guardian just straight up disappears after doing the same thing. But anyway, she gets as far as actually locking up all the fairies and pelting them with the killer dust.

But then the castle is attacked. See, all through the second act, Maleficent is rescued by the rest of her people, the Dark Fae, and it turns out that they’ve slowly been forced by humans to retreat to a single sanctuary, but they’re ready to reclaim their homelands by force, and after seeing her people’s sacred burial grounds defiled and the Dark Fae that saved her assassinated by humans, Maleficent is feeling pretty okay with that. In fact, the warmonger Dark Fae that’s all for violence and who leads the attacks makes a point that Maleficent has powers that not even they possess and could be their secret weapon. I mean, just have her show up and be all Mistress of Evil. Makes sense, right?

Buuuuuuut, then they attack the humans and...just sort of leave her behind? Like, she just stays with the dying dude who sacrificed himself to save her and was the one espousing a peaceful solution, and no one bothers to try to get her to come along despite her having every reason to kick all sorts of ass? Like, they have the forest magic going for them, sure, but she’s packing that green fire of I WIN, YOU LOSE, and they just...don’t take her with them?

Huh?

And as predicted, the humans unleash all their killer dust bombs and killer dust missiles and just massacre the Dark Fae. We see several of them just get slaughtered on screen, and meanwhile we also watch the Moor fairies also getting massacred in what amounts to a fucking GAS CHAMBER, complete with several of them straight up dying on screen, including one of the three fairies! No, I’m being serious, they straight up kill the Blue Fairy!

But then Maleficent shows up fashionably late, green fires all the humans into submission, has her big faceoff with the queen, there’s a bunch of stuff with Aurora and Philip trying to get everyone to stop fighting, there’s a big fakeout GOTCHA with Maleficent dying to save Aurora but coming back because I guess she’s the Phoenix or something, then the queen gets captured and turned into a goat and everyone’s friends now so they all get together and let Aurora and Philip have their wedding because the power of love wins in the end!

...

wat.

Okay, so there is something to be said for the letting peace and understanding win out and refusing to continue the cycle of violence, but, um, wasn’t there, you know, A FUCKING GENOCIDE HAPPENING NOT TOO LONG AGO? And by not too long ago, I mean literally five minutes? We see Dark Fae and Moor fairies dying en mass! And they don’t come back! I mean, there’s a sly hint that the Blue Fairy lives on as a flower or something, but that’s not really elaborated on, and we literally see a whole bunch of people get massacred! But now we’re just going to have a wedding right over everyone’s conveniently bloodless corpses and everyone’s just fine with it? And the evil queen that arranged this whole slaughter gets humorously turned into a goat and everyone laughs at in, including the recovered king (because apparently to break the curse for good all you needed was to destroy the original spindle, so I guess so much for that touching retelling of True Love’s Kiss from the first movie! Totally unnecessary now!) who just says something like, “I’m sure Maleficent will turn her back...assuming we want her to.” And then he just makes a face as if the queen was just a nagging harpy that was hard to put up with and not a literally murderous despot who tried to assassinate you and bring your kingdom to total war by eradicating the neighbors you were trying so hard to work out a peace with!

No. Fuck that, no! That is bullshit! Choose a path and fucking commit! That’s what the first movie did! It decided it was going to sneak a fucking rape scene into a Disney movie that was to be seen by a lot of little girls, and it went all in, up to and including never blaming Maleficent for wanting to take vengeance and putting all of the blame on Steffen, so it worked! If you’re going to stick in a fucking genocide, then you better show the horrific aftereffects of that genocide, not a weaksauce power of love, everyone’s friends now ending! And make the despising of the queen actually mean something, not just a humorous slapstick humiliation!

Fucking hell, what were they thinking?

[nogoodmox]

mariam dearest top 5 mother mother songs to think about deanathan to, thoughts on this? answers? the people must know

buzz….i’ve waited my entire life for this ask thank you SO much

wrecking ball!!!!! i’ve talked about this too many times i think…even made a gifset for it lol. i just think this song perfectly defines who dean is in simple terms!!! like the CHAOS….the RECKLESSNESS…throwing caution to the wind…making a fist instead of a plan! dean is a smart boy, but his impulsiveness overpowers that and his first instinct is always to start swinging. “i break it just because i can” is just the essence of dean…he’s chaotic good (most of the time) and he’ll get things done by doing the most damage possible, even if that damage is to himself. “you gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me baby” is also realy really good bc….dean just fucking loves fighting dude. like he loves wrestling with every inch of his soul and he finds beauty in blood and sweat and getting his ass beat. 

bottom is a rock this song is more…post-injury dean. it’s still got that wild chaotic vibe to it but, it’s less carefree rowdiness and more…anger? i think it REALLY captures the complicated feelings he had after returning. you could tell how unhappy he was during that time, and the lyrics encapsulate that (round and round and round we go, in reference to his constant struggle with vkm and creative and becoming increasingly depressed with his situation), “greeted by the day/do i kiss it on the cheek kick it in the teeth?” is a great line that reminds me of how he talked abt how even getting out of bed was hard for him. characterwise, all the shit he went through with the sh*eld reunion and then turning on s*th, every time he woke up he had to decide if he was gonna snap and be the bad guy that day or not. and ofc the chorus is just classic dean ambrose. “i get dirty just to clean myself off…i get pretty just to fuck my face up” i’ve talked too much here but this song really has a LOT to unpack re: 2018-19 dean

aspiring fires this song is so so dean bc of the way it talks abt how mental illness is portrayed in media/society in general. “so you think you know crazy” “crazy in the box is everything that crazy’s not” in kayfabe dean always rejected the “lunatic” label they slapped on him, bc he doesn’t WANT to be some harmful stereotype of what ~crazy~ is. i ofc see dean as mentally ill, but not because of the bad gimmick + commentary they forced on him y’know! also the line “a little advice for aspiring fires you’ll get put out if you don’t get a little wild” is just very good bc it sums up dean’s personality really well imho…he’s always been a fighter and a survivor. so everything he’s been through all these years is people trying to put him out, so he has to keep making his fire bigger to counter that.”

reaper man this song kinda veers into mox territory but not too much! i feel like this is a really good portrayal of how dean sees himself? as a “reaper man” “hooligan” “deviant” y’know….not very good things. from the way dean talks abt himself it’s pretty easy to see he doesn’t have a good self image. he calls himself a scumbag often…says his life has no worth etc. “i’m thinkin up what’s best not said but i say it anyway” is a good line abt how dean…says things to make ppl uncomfortable sometimes and doesn’t hold back with his words. also this chunk is very very good “they took a little look at my brain, come to find, all insane. took a little look at my heart, they found a prince living behind bars.” i think it shows that even if the mental state is not always Good, his heart is in the right place

simply simple so for this song it’s mostly bits and pieces of it that really remind me of dean. the opening verse for SURE just screams him.  “i am not the way i ought to be, i’m just the way i got to be” is just…*chef’s kiss* peak dean. he is authentically himself and no amount of degrading language from commentary or any other wrestler changes that. the “take me lightly” part also relates to him being a more “comedic” character at times and how he doesn’t take himself too seriously. but that’s contrasted by the line after where he says “take me slowly, or else you may come by injury”, bc dean can also be a serious threat when angered, and he isn’t to be underestimated