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neverforever09 · 5 months ago

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Season 7x03-7x20

I just finished watching all the Clana scenes from S7...

Firstly, the beginning was so happy - Lana, Kara, and Clark at the farm. Clark's smile as he hugged Lana when she showed up at the barn. Lana making Clark his 'favourite blueberry pancakes' and Clark superspeeding to the store to get Vermont's finest maple syrup when Lana said they were out. Clark saying the food that Lana prepared was amazing. Lana acting like such wife material <3. Clark rightfully pulling back from the famous chick on his lap and Lana strolling in, introducing herself as Clark's girlfriend (plus this random famous chick also clocking that Lana is 'the center of Clark's universe like 5 minutes into meeting them). Clark confidently telling Lana that he has finally got everything he ever wanted and that it was right on that farm with her. Clark and Lana going horseback riding after a morning of Clark being weirdly romantic. Clark and Lana making earthquakes after...yeah. Clark opening up to Lana about stuff he did from S3 when she was almost walking out the door. Lana's eyes lighting up at Clark's honesty and her saying that she is still committed to them. Clark saying that he doesn't want their relationship to be over. My personal favourite is when Clark finds Lana at the farm with her hand on the burning pot handle, grabbing her hand, and in the softest voice I have ever heard from him on this show, saying "Honey, your hand" (I won't even touch on the way he looked at her here and during the time when Braniac did whatever he was doing to her). They had their share of happy, beautiful, touching moments this season that further cement the innate connection they share.

I think the happiness we saw from them in S5 was them enjoying the last of their teenage years and exploring their relationship and all the things that they had denied themselves for years. It was this catharsis and giddyness at finally having what they wanted. In S7, their happiness is calmer. Lana didn't have to come back to Smallville where she was wanted for crimes. She had 10 million dollars from Lex, an aunt in Metropolis, a whole world that she could explore, and she decided to come back to a farm in a small town. When she came back, they didn't even discuss what they were. After all these years, they didn't have to.

Then, there were the sad moments, the moments that make you want to shrink away from what you're seeing on the screen. I understand that Lionel and Lex did a number on Lana (though, I stand by my oppinion that a lot of Lana's vulnerability to Lex's manipulations was due to Clark pushing her away). Lana went through the ringer last season due to the Luthors. And she thinks that Lionel has means to hurt Clark. So, I understand that she would want to hurt them, to hurt the Luthors' goals. And I think that there's just no 100% moral way for her to go about that - when you want to hurt people as morally challenged as the Luthors, you have to break a few moral boundaries of your own. I also understand why she didn't tell Clark about all this. The Clark we know would be ...disgusted...by these less-than-moral actions from someone who he has imagined as kind. Similar to Clark fearing what Lana would think of him if he told her about his powers, Lana feared how Clark would look at her if he knew the things she had done. However, we do see reassurance from Clark's end that Lana isn't at that point of no return, and Lana's willingness to be better. That's the thing. They actually talk candidly about their relationship issues now....6 seasons later lol.

Though the way Lana intentionally hid things from Clark and lied bothered me, I thought of this as an opportunity for growth in their relationship. An opportunity for Clark to acknowledge what Lana had been through and understand that it is stifling to hold anyone to those moral standards. This growth seemed to be possible given Clark saying that he wanted to work to make sure that they could trust each other again.

Bizarro was proabaly the most hurtful part of this season. Yes, it must have been hurtful to Clark that Lana couldn't tell that it wasn't him. It must have been hurtful to hear that Lana preferred Bizarro since he was 'affectionate and understanding'. From Lana's perspective, there's this guy who looks exactly like Clark and gives you all the affection you crave - sometimes, you can want something so much that you can become blinded. It's not like Lana intentionally slept with someone that wasn't him, rather, I think she was a victim in this scenerio. There have been so many times in this series where Clark was on Red K or on some type of drug (more times than L*is has seen) where he wasn't being impersonated. How was Lana to know that this wasn't the strange way that Clark was during one of those other times? If my partner was suddenly a better partner, my first conclusion certainly would not be that he was being impersonated. The bottom line is that there wasn't sufficient reason for Lana to know that it wasn't Clark and, at the end of the day, she chose Clark by putting the blue stuff in Bizarro's hand. I do understand Clark's frustration - first Lex, now Bizarro. In his mind, he's put Bizarro in this trend he sees in Lana's choices which makes it hard for him to hear Lana's side on this. He's wary of another Lex, as we can see by his aversion to the hallucination of Lex and Lana being intimate. I understand Lana's frustration too in waking up every day and disappointing Clark. I do appreciate that Clark understands that he is not an easy guy to be with (a relationship with a superhero is never realistically easy) and Lana understands that she has made her fair share of mistakes. The most important fact is that after all that, they both stayed becuase they still believed in what they have and that there was something between them worth fighting for.

Overall, there was so much pain this season with Lana trying to catch herself before she went too far (and we see how well she's matured in S8), Clark feeling like he was the one being kept in the dark (for a change lol), Bizarro etc. There was also so much growth - the conversations the two had about their ideas of each other, the things that hurt them, Clark actually opening up and sharing things with Lana. So much air was cleared and it felt like they could move forward stronger together if given the chance.

When Lana was put in a catatonic state by Braniac, Clark was terrified of losing her. My heart broke at the sound of him pleading for Lana, and the way he looked at her. The scene where he kneels down by her chair and cries, this is not the image of a man who is anywhere near done with his relationship. So, it was insulting- but definitely on par with the rest of the writing dedicated to keeping Lana and Clark apart- when Lana breaks up with Clark over a video message and lo behold, that was when she was being forced to do so by Lex. Seriously, have these two ever seperated due to lack of love or attraction for one another? (No.)

Do I think a lot has happened? Yes, Clark and Lana's relationship has been tested a lot on this show, way more than any other relationship. Through all of that, their understanding of one another and their ability to forgive one another has really shone through. You can't rant about all the mistakes Lana has made in S6/7 without wanting to scream at Clark for keeping his secret for 6+ years from the person who was most deserving of hearing it. I understand that, and from the choice that Clark and Lana make to rekindle their relationship in S8, they understand that too.

Most Cl*is shippers will say that it was a dragged on relationship that was repeatedly on/off without acknowledging the multitude of circumstances that Clark and Lana have faced together. Come talk to me about Clark and Lana's relationship in Smallville being toxic and that other relationship being perfect when Clark and that other woman have faced even a third of what Lana and Clark have been through.

And you know what? After all this shit, I hear that Clark still chose Lana when faced with the choice of Lana and L*is in Season 8. And in the barn, Clark walked through all that pain to kiss her and watched her leave with tears in his eyes, saying "I love you" whilst he was on his knees in pain from the proximity to the kyptonite that was now in her veins.

I haven't read the comics. But, the fact that after all that they had been through- the lies and danger and fear,- it was Clark's one tangible weakness being injected into Lana's veins that did it (it wasn't even Clark that walked away in the end lol)? That should erase any doubts about what Clark would have chosen if he was given a choice between Lana and that other woman. By the time S9 and 10 came around, there was no choice to be made, just leftovers that paled in comparison to the epic love he shared with Lana Lang.

#clana #smallville #clark x lana #lana lang

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kitkatt0430 · 10 months ago

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So I'm finally watching The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and... I'm not sure how I feel about it thus far.

I do like Sam & Bucky's dynamic. Bucky being offended that Sam gave up the shield makes sense because Bucky misses Steve and is projecting things on to Sam. It's not fair, because Sam is his own person and deserves the chance to find himself first, but it's very human of Bucky to behave that way. Especially while he's struggling to make apologies to the people he hurt as the Winter Soldier, probably because he feels it's selfish to seek this catharsis for himself when it means dragging this pain up for them instead.

In turn Sam is also kinda projecting his feelings about Steve onto Bucky. Steve left Sam with a legacy he feels unsuited for, or at least unready for. Bucky is Sam's connection to Steve and he doesn't need Bucky piling on, making him feel guilty about giving up the shield when he already feels bad about it himself. At the same time he really wants to have a good working relationship with Bucky and be there for him in the way he can no longer be for Steve.

Their staring contest therapy is hysterical.

That said, their reaction to John Walker as the new Captain America was a major over reaction and kinda shitty. I get it. They feel like the only person who should be picking up the mantle of Captain America is one chosen by Steve Rogers or at least similar to him in some way. All John really has going for him is he has a very impressive military record. He's a good soldier, but he's not really the kind of person who Steve would have picked and he's got very little in common with Steve, though there are some things they do have in common that stick out.

John is very much suffering from gov officials making promises they didn't intend to keep. Sam gave up the shield with the promise it would be retired and instead the government chose a new Captain America to wield it. Which isn't a great look for the gov where the Avengers are concerned, but it's not exactly unexpected. Despite what Steve clearly believed, Captain America isn't a personal title for Steve Rogers alone... it's an honorary military title. (The fact that they didn't name a new Captain America while Steve was on the run still surprises me, tbh.) And the military is going to use everything at it's disposal to make itself look good which means passing on the mantle one way or another. Sam would've made good optics if he'd accepted and John makes for good optics for completely different reasons.

John was absolutely the wrong choice to be Captain America - honestly he kinda comes off as being in over his head after being picked for being a white guy who bears a superficial resemblance to Steve and has never been accused of terrorism... unlike Steve... which allowed for rehabilitating the Captain America 'brand' for the military. He probably could have made it with support but he gets none and I know from spoilers that Lemar is going to die, sending John over the edge not unlike how Steve reacted when he thought Bucky was in danger. So, you know... superficial resemblance but not entirely superficial.

Honestly, the next Captain America needed to be better than Steve and I could see Sam having that potential. John really just doesn't have it. But that doesn't make him a bad person - he really does seem to me that he's a good person trying his best and it's unfortunate his best isn't enough in this situation.

Anyway, Zemo and Sharon have shown up and I'm enjoying how these two are playing Sam and Bucky to varying degrees. Seriously boys, get your acts together.

So while I'm enjoying a lot of the character interactions overall... this is very much a case of strawman bad guys. Their goals are ultimately good - putting an end to border fanaticism and making immigration between all countries easier is something that very genuinely needs to happen - but their bad methods are used to pretend that increased, selfish nationalism is the right way to go. Someone has to be Captain America. And anything that 'threatens' the borders of America must automatically be bad, including the idea of a world without borders.

There's a lot of rah-rah-USA in the MCU and I knew that going into this show, but it still really sucks a lot of the enjoyment out of watching this for me. When your antagonists are acting in ways inherently anti-thetical to their own stated goals for the sole purpose of making them more villainous/justifiable to treat badly, it makes them less interesting villains overall and it does feel like that's what's going on with the Flag Smashers. It's one thing when bad guys act counter to their cause for a purpose, but when it's solely for drama...

#kitkatt0430 watches #the falcon and the winter soldier #fandom meta #mcu meta #These guys have got stop leaving Zemo unsupervised

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iizukuus · 9 months ago

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what is whump? i've came across this in the bnha fandom for the first time through a bunch of fics, yours included, and i searched about it means but i'm not sure if i get it. how would you define/describe it? it seems to be about heavy angst and to indicate that a main character is going to suffer like, a lot, and really, really bad. but is it always... related to some sort of abuse, or not? and, like, does it get into hurt/comfort territory or not necessarily, it can be just hurt hurt hurt with no catharsis, relief, whatsoever by the end?

hey !!!!! so. the way i personally view whump is kind of like a promise of trauma of some kind? physical or psychological torment! whereas angst could be like ;;;; 2 characters getting into a fight or maybe heavy angst — them breaking up and maybe character A getting into a car accident — whump would be like. 2 characters breaking up, character A feeling so depressed over it that they start to mentally decline, fall into depression, begin to drink and steadily spiral and self destruct? toss in some bad decisions with the wrong people and suddenly they get abused by a bad sex partner one night and character B finds them. so angst is like a softer version. it’s displeasure, a little bit of anxiety, unhappiness. whump is like torture. i like my whump to basically be torture porn as long as there is comfort. HOWEVER, whump does not require comfort to be whump. i can only read my whump with comfort but it doesn’t need it.

the reason you’re probably seeing a lot of fics involving abuse paired with the term “whump” is because abuse is pretty extreme it kind of goes beyond the description of “angst” — especially when it’s an explored plot point and goes beyond a mention of it in the fic. when i see “whump” im expecting the character being whumped to basically be tortured at least mentally. it doesn’t mean abuse and isn’t always paired with it! there’s often whump where izuku gets stabbed and it’s just us living through the horrible pain and physiological effects of that with him!

a few examples !!!!

- sexual trauma.

character A telling character B that they have sexual trauma and they’re worried it makes them like, ruined or something would be angst. character A and B having sex and character A having a bad panic attack as they flashback to their abuse during it, would be whump. the first depiction is sad because the mention of it, the second depiction torture because we are with the character as they are living the trauma. we’re living it with them instead of just feeling sad about it for them.

- kidnapping.

lets use katsuki’s! katsuki talking to shouto about how he feels out of sorts after the kidnapping would be angst. katsuki being kidnapped and following what he was experiencing and his thoughts and feelings throughout that time would be whump.

i guess you could say angst is the sad feelings coming from a bad event. whump is the excruciating torture of living the bad event with the character. or the worse before the better.

whump is like angst’s rebellious alternative older brother!!! i hope this helped i’m not very good at explaining things !!!! 😭😭😭

#🤍 asks #🤍whump #izuku whump #🤍 fics

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castlebyersafterdark · 2 months ago

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ok so i know discussion of this kind of thing has to be considered and of a certain kind, but seeing as noah placed sabrina carpenter's bed chem on his new playlist... he's obv vibing with that pop sound and all im saying is that the lyrics are hilariously self aware and horny, and that if i was that age and doing the show as a young gay man like noah, certain thoughts about my chemistry with a certain costar who happens to be playing my love interest would certainly... pop up 🤭

surely theyve had intrusive thoughts about each other (and others... noah clocking caleb at some point is soooo real) and i just really like this idea that there's a fantasy, even if it doesnt come to anything, of roleplaying with each other using their characters. i mean, acting is roleplay any way - they will certainly have to get into mike and will's mind if they do a sex scene - so why wouldnt their brains make it sexual off the clock too? if they ever did get it on, there would be this pre-made roleplay character+setting for them 🤭. i wonder if they would ever consider using mike and will in the bedroom! how fun! esp after the show is actually over and that professionalism boundary is ok to safely blur.

This ask is soooo fun because it's from back in early September (YALLLL I am forever sorry I take so long sometimes to weed through and answer things in a timely way, it is how it is we know how I am by now haha) and look at all that has transpired!! October was wild!! We've now seen him at TWO really super horny concerts ahhhhh. Love that we're in the free and vibing, owning his sexuality and flaunting his happiness era.

Regardless of anything else - we know he has it in him to DELIVER if the depiction on screen goes any sort of 👀 kinda way. He has that energy. And I find on set chemistry so interesting - of course, respecting the concept of it being a job, professionalism, the separation of character and friends - but... we know what we're about around here. Noah gives the impression of a guy who really does put his whole self into this character. Character bleed, what a concept I love to think about. You know he's thought about it all. The romance. The concept of Will and Mike and everything about him. He's out here constantly looking them up on social media. I know that boy reads fanfiction are we kidding?

And then the angle of something real between these guys portraying love interests. Acting is roleplay!! I do feel like, especially for someone so young and vulnerable as Noah, it must be a lot, emotionally, to play this character. We've got a little insight, but I always want more of what that was like playing a character hiding the secret of his sexuality while doing the same in reality, then confessing in a way and getting that support on screen, and then life imitated art yet again. And throw in our preferred angle of feeeeeeelings for a certain costar, CHARACTER BLEED yet again. Boom, more angles. Reciprocal. Wow. Analyzing and crafting their character performances, thoughts pop up, it's confusing, it's fun, it's heavy. I think if something was going on - oh how amazing of a send off, catharsis at the end of everything. Older and growing up with these characters, bringing them to life, living it. Experiencing everything with them together.

Maybe a little personal send off together, a little something something. We might only get a confession and a few kisses on screen, but maybe we get more. Maybe getting it on off set as Will and Mike secretly together takes the edge off and makes filming whatever happens in the plot, especially if there's a little spice, all the easier. All the better. Wow I am really rambling. Where am I going with this? Anyway, love all the vibes from this ask. Look where we were. Look where we are now this month. What a whirlwind.

#asks #queued

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humanityinahandbag · 7 months ago

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Posting my own thing that I left in the replies onto here (with some adjustments and additions and edits because I can't let things go). I hope that's okay @steddielations!

(I'm still finishing up a few of my fics on AO3 while also being very slammed at work so this was my catharsis.)

What about a coverup?

It might even be Steve's idea. A boy who had learned how to be kind after so much hurt, who still is afraid some days that King Steve will return.

"No," Eddie will say, horrified, when Steve speaks that fear out loud and gives it shape. "No, you're too good for that, Steve."

But King Steve will always be there, Steve explains. Always underneath. It doesn't mean he's bad or wrong. He's just found ways to patch better things over. And maybe Eddie, he says, can do the same.

"Would you come with me?" Eddie asks.

And Steve, with his boyish smile and sure eyes, grabs Eddie by the wrist and tells him that he can't wait.

Eddie will shyly bring in a design to a new artist in Indy. Someone who isn't as gruff as his last one (though he'll always have a soft spot for the guy). Instead he finds someone he might have never gotten before.

She's soft; soft eyes and soft clothes and soft, colorful tattoos down her arms of flowers and ladybugs. When she smiles it reminds him a little of Chrissy.

He hugs her hard when she's done with the first part and books another appointment.

"It's different," Eddie says on the car ride back.

"It's perfect," Steve says in return, looking over at Eddie's arms, carefully exposed beneath clear wrappings. Eyes on the road, he extends a hand out towards Eddie.

And Eddie grins a little wetly, reaching to lace his fingers through Steve's, because he's learning through this kind, paper mache boy that different and perfect hold hands just as well as he and Steve do. And maybe he can be brave enough to reach back for what Steve is offering.

Wayne will be at home when they walk in together, him and Steve. Will get to see Eddie roll his sleeve to show the mess of scar tissue and red, raised skin where the bats used to be. Only now, they'd been changed. Vines crawled up his arm, around the scars, over his chest, over the demon. Only these vines, so similar to the ones that had wrapped them up in the Upside Down, sprout flowers.

This is a quiet, colorful rebellion growing from below.

Wayne tries not to show how he's tearing up. Especially when he sees his name wrapped through the leaves.

And then notices Dustin's.

Robin's.

Nancy's.

Steve's.

Even Chrissy is given a place through the pink petals of a tulip.

"It was Steve's idea," Eddie says quietly, ears pink. "He said something like how the sun made plants grow and I needed to think of what kind of Sun I'd add. Some schmaltzy shit like that. Only the sun burns my pale ass skin so he told me I had to think of other bright things instead."

And so he had. Their names, laced through. The suns that makes these flowers blossom across his skin.

Underneath can't just vanish. It will always be there, on some level. But he controls what he plants above.

(And my God, if he and Steve aren't together yet, then wouldn't this all just be a great way for Steve to begin making his moves. Because I can absolutely see them getting together when Steve decides he'd like his own tattoo and drags Eddie to the appointment with him.)

eddie thinks he has a ‘tattoo curse’ because he realizes the awful irony of the puppet master and the bats on his arm, somehow predicting or even causing what happened to him, so he has a fear of getting anything new because what if it marks his Doom again

and when he finally works up the courage for a new tattoo (maybe something small and sweet to remember chrissy, like she was, nothing that could Doom him) it’s only because steve is there holding his hand, comforting him and keeping him from overthinking and panicking

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #tattoos

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concoulor · 2 years ago

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so in the version of this show that exists in my head starting after s2 ends:

-libby breaks it off with bill, telling him she knows about the affair. she takes a nice trip around the world to learn more about what she wants from life, leaving the kids with bill’s mom. bill denies it at first, but feels guilty about it and about denying it. I’d like to think he apologizes but I’m not sure he would tbh. she chews his ass out for being a shitty father and for having the affair and for not being present in their marriage-- all her feelings about it come out finally in a moment of catharsis

-ginny realizes it’s not so bad not having the kids--she misses them a lot but there’s a sense of relief also that she doesn’t have to run home/isn’t missing tucking them in etc. maybe she and george and his new wife spend some time together and she comes to see that they are better off (she’s not a very good mom lol so she should have an arc where she fully gives into that because obviously work is more important to her)

-the study is progressing everything goes well for a little while, they’re getting really into trying to fuck over the other study and ethan

-ginny finds out bill caused her to sign away the kids (not sure how but there has to be a way just trust me) which makes her push him away for a longer period. during this they both go through some serious self reflection (here’s where bill would apologize to libby; virginia would wobble in her stance that her children are better off, there’s big tension in the office at work. there’s a couple scenes of henry and tessa with virginia and it’s happy enough, but by having them less she can finally admit she kind of likes it when they aren’t there both for her own guilt, for their benefit, and so she can keep doing whatever she wants at all hours. and she fully accepts that she would rather hang out with bill than mother them which is her version of admitting love for him)

-bill apologizes to ginny about the kids/makes it clear he really didn’t mean to do that, the apology is not an explicit i love you but virginia understands what he’s trying to say (recalling how she’s able to anticipate bill’s needs)

-bill and ginny get together fully. imo it’s not a big event they just keep doing what they’re doing but bill gets to come to her house now.

-antics ensue when bill is forced to spend time with virginia’s children (maybe he can think back to the fight with libby about their kids and make a very small effort with them for once, or maybe not.)

-lester and barbara keep doing what theyre doing with their weird little dynamic

-there was never a brother because i thought that was stupid and shoehorned in there

-artemis iasip’s character (flo?) makes austin a wealthy man until he ends up chasing the next pretty skirt but they leave it on good terms

-betty and helen have a shot or two of them as a couple just as the show is ending to wrap it up (i thought it was implied they were together again in s2 we just didn’t see it so that would confirm it)

-the study is on the cusp of new breakthroughs and it’s going really well but the show ends before we see what happens with it (because we don’t need to know really)

#mos #long post #had to write this down so i could stop thinking about it

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cinnamonest · 2 years ago

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your xiao x teacher!darling post got the absolute degenerate part of me thinking and now my fav dynamic is xiao x therapist!darling. poor boy cant control himself when literally anyone shows a sliver of kindness at all. darlings naivety has lead her to brush off any signs of a crush as a coincidence until he eventually cant take it anymore and noncons her because he has no other way to communicate what he wants. <3

Yesssss he would fall in love with someone who shows him the slightest semblance of caring, this is accurate

---

He didn't want to go, but either someone (an employer noticing a lack of output or the like) essentially forced him into it. Therapy... he doesn't need something like that. He's perfectly fine. Is he the most social or upbeat person in the world? No, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him. He's very begrudging about it at first, thinks that maybe after a session or two you'll realize he doesn't have anything wrong with him, and that there's no reason for him to keep coming.

Likewise, he doesn't really... open up very easily. At first, he gives a lot of one-word answers. Yes, no, maybe, etc. Occasionally "I don't know," which is an improvement, since it's three words. You have to work with him for a while to get him to open up about himself and his feelings. You do insist he should keep coming, this being at first much to his dismay, but after a while... he doesn't mind it as much. He keeps finding that he does feel better overall after each session for the rest of the day. Maybe it's not so bad after all, he thinks. It's probably just catharsis.

When he finally does really open up, though, it all sort of comes pouring out at once, like a bursting dam. He has a particularly bad day or something, and he just kind of breaks. It all comes spilling out -- how he has no motivation in life, no direction, his life feels devoid of anything that brings him pride or happiness, so on and so on. How he has no partner... no friends... no ambitions... he's just... very empty. He doesn't use the word lonely, but he does mention more than once that he has no real source of interaction.

Well, of course, you see that as a very fixable issue. Of course someone with no social support or resources would feel isolated and consequently depressive. He just needs, you know, a social network. Friends.

...Except therein lies the problem.

Do you ever go out to social venues?

No.

Do you ever try talking to your peers?

No.

Do you have any special interests that there might be events for?

No.

You go down the line, but get the same answers. You find he work from home, never goes out for lunches or groceries, preferring to get it all delivered. The most social interaction he gets is you and the occasional email back and forth to his employer. No hobbies, except for games and collecting some niche things. Terrible eating and sleeping habits, he gets no nutrition, is addicted to caffeine, never gets any sunlight or fresh air, and his internal clock is completely in disarray from an irregular sleep schedule, no doubt contributing to his depressive issues.

And when you suggest he try to get out more and make acquaintances, he gets an uncomfortable look on his face. He mutters something about how he'll try, but he's not even really trying to hide that it's insincere.

On the bright side, he does seem to make some effort to fix his other habits, but you realize very quickly he has no intentions of actually trying to form relationships with others. You keep stressing that social interaction is essential to one's mood and mental health, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Eventually you lay off trying to get through to him on that end.

But he also gets much better about being very transparent, will openly talk about things that upset him or bother him. He ends up starting to take up the whole allotted half-hour as well, whereas he used to be so closed-off that after fifteen minutes or so you'd run out of anything to say and end things early.

In fact, after a while, he ends up switching his weekly session to a different day of the week so that he can come in for a full hour. He's still somewhat awkward about it all -- he never looks you in the eye, tends to do these sort of nervous habits like wringing his hands and bouncing his leg a lot, but the fact that he keeps coming back is a testament to the fact that he's obviously getting something beneficial out of your sessions.

...In truth, though, it's not really your advice or anything. Actually, he hasn't been following said advice at all -- he's still staying up late at night, hasn't changed any consumption habits, he just lied about having fixed both of those because he didn't want you to be disappointed.

But he is happier. He looks forward to coming to see you, it's the highlight of his week. He just enjoys your presence. You're so nice, your voice is so soothing, you smile when you see him and it makes him feel all warm and weird, but in a good way, an addictive way. No one has ever asked him about how he feels before. No one has ever given him empathy for his problems. And sure, he feels bad not fixing his habits and lying and all that, but the concern you show for his well-being makes him feel cared about, like he has significance to you. He's not lying when he says he feels a lot better these days.

He knows, of course, that you're doing all of this because you're getting paid. If he didn't have the money, he wouldn't be here. It's your job to care... or at least pretend to. Maybe there's a slight empathy there that's just part of human nature, but if he were to stop coming tomorrow, he would never cross your mind again, he's sure of that. Sometimes he lays there at night (well, morning, since he goes to bed around 3 a.m. or so), reflecting on the matter, sulking in bitterness about it. Yeah... it's just feigned concern. It's just your job.

...No, you're not pretending. Sure, you are getting paid, but you're a sweet person, you're so nice, surely you do care. Plenty of doctors and similar professions do genuinely care about their patients, and often get personally emotionally invested in their well-being, right? That's why they go into the profession in the first place! The same is true for you. You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't care.

So, then... you do genuinely care. You have to. Even if money is a transactional part of the matter, you do really care, even if it's just that you simply wish good for his well-being out of general empathy and benevolence. It is real in its own way. It's a blissful thought.

You've already noticed that these sessions are more conversations these days than anything. He keeps derailing the sessions by asking you about your life, what you do in your spare time, the kind of questions you might ask a client (even the more invasive questions). You entertain the questions briefly, since it's good for him to get some interaction, but you always follow up your answers with a 'well, let's get back to talking about you, okay?' And he's compliant... until asking another question about you a few minutes later. And back and forth it goes.

Until one day, he sort of crosses a line.

In his defense, you asked him first. You figured that he would probably be happier with a partner, most people are, but for someone like him, you know getting one might... present a challenge. Can't meet people if he never goes out, and you're pretty certain he'd be the type to avoid dating apps like the plague, so you don't even bring that option up. But you did figure it would be worth asking if he's ever had one. He went to school and college, right? Maybe had a high school sweetheart or a college relationship or something?

No. He just shakes his head. You can tell he's about to say something, you see his lips part just the slightest, so you stay quiet. But he takes a few moments to speak.

...What about you?

The question catches you a bit off-guard. You hesitate for a moment, and just sort of mumble. Oh, well, that's... that's not really relevant, haha. Anyway...

He just nods in response, but you can see the displeasure on his face. Maybe he's irked he didn't get an answer, or maybe he's formed his own conclusion based on the lack of an answer, and doesn't like that conclusion. Still, it doesn't feel quite as awkward as that time you got around to the standard 'are you sexually active' question and just got a blank stare and quick shaking of the head as a response, so at least it wasn't that bad.

Regardless, he doesn't stop trying. As time goes by, he keeps prying more and more, trying to get information out of you, always seemingly displeased when you abruptly cut him off. He might be a bit socially inept, and isn't always particularly perceptive, but he gets the message when you are clearly shutting him down from asking anything further. And he wouldn't want to upset you, so he obliges. Always walking a thin line.

But if he can't get answers out of you, he'll have to resort to other measures. It's compulsive, he has to do it, he's been losing sleep over the thoughts.

It's not too hard to find you online. Aside from a brief listing of you on the psychiatric group's website, he eventually tracks you down on social media, your family, your friends. You did say he needs to learn how to do social networking, right? This is sort of like that, minus any of him actually interacting with anyone. In fact, it's incredibly easy to find all sorts of things about you. He's able to find even more, the deeper he digs. Where you got your certification. Where you went to high school. Old pictures of you, thankfully some of your acquaintances have public social media profiles and an image with you in it here or there. He ends up spending hours and hours scrolling through page after page, only realizes how long he's been looking at it when he sees the sunrise through the window.

It almost makes him feel guilty and embarrassed the next time he sees you. How is he supposed to look you in the eye knowing he spent several days scouring the web for crumbs of your existence? What would you think if you knew about that? You'd be freaked out for sure.

You notice he's acting a bit off, but, well, he's a bit of a unique individual, slightly eccentric or unusual behaviors and mannerisms aren't uncommon for him. He fidgets and mumbles a lot and leaves a bit earlier than usual, kicking at the leaves on the sidewalk in frustration as he walks, all the way until he's home.

He's fully aware it's all unhealthy. He realizes it's a sign there's something wrong with him. But obviously there is something wrong, or he wouldn't be coming to you to begin with.

But that leads to a new train of thought. If he were to fix his problems, there wouldn't be a need to see you anymore. Or even if you saw him sometimes, you'd probably tell him he doesn't need to come in as often or for as long. That thought is unpleasant, as soon as it crosses his mind, he begins to worry. What if he runs out of problems to talk about? Or, more likely, what happens when you realize he's not making the changes you told him to? You'll reach an impasse, where there's nothing you can do and give up on him.

So if he fixes his problems and gets better, you'll be out of his life. But if he refuses, the same will be true. No matter what he does, he's at risk of losing you. There's no route he can take that works out in his favor! He ends up pacing around his room, running through his thoughts on the matter for hours. He was hoping to think of another way at first, but after a while he's forced to acknowledge there's really only one way to ensure he can continue to see you indefinitely: having to go out of his way to ask you to meet him outside of the sessions.

And, well, he quite simply cannot do that. Absolutely no way. The mere thought makes him feel sick. There's no way he can summon the gall to ask you that. You would surely say no, probably get creeped out if not worse. He probably wouldn't be able to see you at all after that.

But if he doesn't do something, one way or another, this can't last, and the knowledge that it can't last is going to eat him alive every waking second. It already keeps him awake at night.

He knows he's reaching the so-called point of no return when he finally gives into an urge he's been having for a while: waiting until your day ends and following you home, on a day that's not the day he comes to see you (if he planned it on that day, he'd surely act strange enough beforehand that you'd be wary). He knows that that is definitely something normal people do not do. Normal people occasionally internet-stalk, sure, but this? It's the kind of thing people get involuntarily committed for. Would you do that? Would you get him in actual trouble if you knew about it? He would like to think you would be okay with it, but the rational part of his brain says otherwise. He tries to prevent himself from doing it again, but once the impulse is given into once, it's harder to fight off in the future, and he ends up doing it again, and again.

If you really wanted to point a finger of blame to what pushes him over the edge, though, it would unfortunately be the internet. He has no one better to ask how to solve his problems, so why not a bunch of strangers behind screens?

He's frustrated with the answers he gets. Granted, it is the internet populace, but when he posts to an anonymous board about his problem, he's still irked that the answers are far from helpful. Sure, after posting it, he realizes that the way he worded the whole thing is really really creepy, and that he probably should not have included the details of having followed you home and stalked you online ("collecting data" was the term he used, though), but these replies are unnecessary. Mostly poking fun at him, replying with implications that he's a stalker and memes. One guy mockingly replies with "here try this" and a staged stock photo of someone tied up in the trunk of a car. Ugh. Should have known better than to trust these assholes to be of any help. He's not like that.

...Is he?

You know, a mentally sound person wouldn't even consider such a thing, or so he thinks to himself. Guess you were right to say he needed frequent sessions.

Admittedly, the thought does stick with him. Couldn't say exactly when it goes from a laughable, far-fetched idea to something that starts to seem feasible and practical. It's a gradual thing, perhaps. The thought just pops up in his head every now and then for a few minutes, and the more it occurs, the more desensitized to the concept he gets, the less it triggers that socially instilled sense of immediate avoidance and nervousness most people get at the thought of committing a serious crime.

Likewise, the more he thinks about it, the more justified it feels. Technically, you are there to help him get better. You were supposed to fix him. So, from a logical point of view, if he does something... abnormal, perhaps criminal, to you, that's technically your fault for not curing him, right? If you had done your job a bit better, he wouldn't be having these thoughts to begin with. Besides, when you chose this career path, you're knowingly acknowledging risks like this. Which means you were okay with taking the risk of this happening to you, which is basically a form of consent in and of itself, is it not? The more he repeats it to himself -- and he does, over and over, whenever he's sitting slouched over in his desk chair or laying in bed or taking a (rare) shower -- the more he gets used to the idea, envisions it in his head.

He cancels one week. Calls the front desk of the psychiatric facility (a big step for him, as much as he hates having to talk to strangers on the phone, so you're proud of that much), tells them he has to cancel over a schedule conflict. Which does strike you as odd -- since when does he have anything else going on in his life? Maybe he's finally listened to you and decided to go be social or something, or maybe it's just another type of appointment... you hope maybe it's the former.

In truth, he's worried things will go badly if you see him right now. He's not in a very good state of mind, it's all becoming too consuming, he's neglected sleep and work. He has to take that week to work himself back down, get rid of the jitteriness and bloodshot eyes that you would undoubtedly notice if you saw him in person. Just enough to see you again without you immediately getting freaked out.

You know something is a little off, still, when he does come in the following week. But that's normal, people often behave strangely when going through periods of change in their lives, so this is actually probably a good sign!

...Although it is rather unsettling. It's different from his usual brand of weird. Instead of the frustrated tone and grumbling and looking at the ground, his voice is very... flat. Empty. No trace of the usual demeanor, not even the coldness he can get when he's particularly irked.

But even more unnerving is that, rather than looking at the ground, at the wall, back and forth the way he always does, he looks right at you. Fixated on your face, eyes staring directly into yours, you haven't even seen him blink. His own expression is also completely blank, transfixed. It's incredibly unnerving, you find that you end up looking down at the ground for once. You did tell him once that he doesn't make eye contact enough for social appropriateness, so maybe he's trying a little too hard to rectify that or...?

You feel like somehow he's getting worse, and yet for some reason, when you ask him the standard opening question -- how have you been? -- he seems to perk up.

He nods, finally shows some emotion in the form of what appears to be a sort of resolution on his face. He says he's thought a lot about some of the things you've said. That you were right, that he can't keep living with no goals or direction, can't keep up the unhealthy lack of socialization. So, he's put a lot of consideration into it, and he's decided that very soon, he's going to be making some major changes to his life, for the better.

Well, if that's truly the case, you're very happy for him, you say. Granted, based on his history, you're not inclined to believe he's actually going to make any changes, but part of the job is always believing in your patients and all that. He seems more determined than usual, so, maybe he really is serious about it. You hope so. He seems like such a sweet boy at heart, you really do want to see him change for the better and be happy.

He knows that too. Says he's very serious about it this time. He's going to go through with what he's decided is the best course of action, and in the end, he will be perfectly content and happy. He'll probably be more productive, more energetic, more motivated, everything. It'll all get better.

And technically, you will be the cause. You'll see. He'll be sure to thank you for all your help, too, he's very grateful.

#.x #lena's asks #this is another one that I want to eventually expand upon bc hhhhhh #also he would 100000000% be one of those incels thats like #'im only sad bc no girl will sleep with me i dont need therapy just need gf'#posts sad wojaks to chan boards to whine about tfw no puss

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mizutori-heiko · 3 years ago

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Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous!

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?)

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors.

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

#bakudeku #masterlist #fanfic masterlist #katsudeku #holy shit i can't believe i did this #mizutori’s personal post archive #bakudeku fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #alpha bakugou #omega izuku #bnha fanfiction #bnha #mha fanfiction #fanfiction masterlist post #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #archive of our own #ao3

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cornbreadcrumbs · 3 years ago

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I find it interesting that season four of Better Call Saul was literally all about Jimmy NOT dealing with Chuck's death. It begins with him arriving at the scene of the fire, and we expect some kind of emotional breakdown. And...nothing. There's nothing, the whole season. At the very end, his breakdown is revealed to be an act.

Because of course it is. Chuck and Jimmy spent 3 seasons one-upping each other with a game of "Who Can Humiliate The Other More Thoroughly." And Chuck wins. He tells Jimmy an awful lie and kills himself. Checks out. Literally ends the conversation.

How awful for Jimmy. I mean, imagine being told by the person you love most in the world that they never really cared about you. And then that person commits suicide?

Jimmy will never heal from that. He can't. How could he? He can never tell his brother he's sorry, that he loves him, that he hates him, that he's so goddamn angry with him, that he misses him. Nothing. Ever. That kind of emotional trauma is...devastating. So Jimmy shuts down. Thats how he deals with his pain. In hindsight, the fake breakdown at the Bar committee hearing is obviously bullshit. It's too clear cut and simple for what is, in the end, unspeakable grief. He never comes to terms with his loss, and we never get our catharsis. It's been 3 seasons since Chuck died, and we haven't gotten our catharsis!!

That's where Saul comes from. Locking your sadness and trauma away and turning off what makes you human.

#bcs #better call saul #jimmy mcgill #grief #loss #ive been thinking about this for a hot minute #i still havent gotten over Chuck's death #we never got our catharsis

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popi-the-fatui · 4 years ago

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CHILDE BF HCs

(that no one asked for but here they are anyways)

A/N: this man needs some luv. Long post, there is a whole iceberg under the “read more”. Also, I tried to keep a Gender Neutral reader so pls DM me if there are any mistakes!!

TW: DESCRIPTION OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK, SPOILERS FOR THE REX LAPIS QUEST AND CHILDE’S PAST, a little bit of angst

🐋 Let’s bust some myths first: contrary to popular belief, Childe has no experience at relationships or intimacy at all. Non. Cero. The Venn diagram of romantic/intimate stuff and things Childe has done is a void. But it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that he hasn’t had the time to experience any of these things because he is a busy man: between fighting, training and being a Harbinger, there is not a minute left for him to indulge in other things.

🐋 The problem with this is that Tartaglia is a people’s person. He WANTS to be able to have someone that he can do these things with. At the end of the day, when he comes home tired after a mission, all he wants is someone to be waiting for him with cuddles, hugs, kisses, reassurance, caresses, or just a simple “how did your day go?” Because of this, he has a lot of pent-up love that he has not been able to give.

🐋 In that note, he is also incredibly touch-starved: not only does he want someone to give that love to, but Childe also craves to receive it. When was the last time he was touched by someone in a context that was not a fight? He loves fighting, obviously: he has trained for a big part of his life to be able to defeat everything and everyone. But he is also just a human, and there are limits to how long a person can go without a loving touch.

🐋 So when he finally falls victim to the first signs of infatuation, this poor whale man will have an internal battle: do I reach for them? Would they be better off if they never meet me? Will they accept me? Has my reputation already ruined this for me before it even began? How do I approach them? Do I look presentable? Am I going to scare them away? Childe will be torn between wanting to protect you from himself (as the Fatui business is not an easy pill to swallow for everyone) and protect himself from you (his heart would not handle rejection/disgust very well), and wanting to KISS YOU AND HUG YOU AND KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE ARGH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ADORABLE.

🐋 So he finally decides to compromise between these two stances, and let YOU decide whether you want him as a friend, a lover or a stranger. He starts greeting you whenever he sees you in the streets, subtly asking if you would like him to join you in your commissions, inviting you for lunch/dinner after a mission so you can recharge your energy, asking if you want to go and share drinks with him and Zhongli. You know, friendly stuff friends do. And he doesn’t even try to hide the happy smile that escapes him whenever you say yes to him: when it comes to you, there is nothing he needs to hide. Well, except for that one thing.

🐋 He knows that you know he is somehow associated with the Fatui, if his constant trips to the Northland Bank aren’t enough to tell. Usually, Childe dislikes going around things as he much rather hit straight to the point (being the point a fight, a deal or just a simple conversation). But he has grown so addicted to the sensations you make him feel that he can’t help but to try to postpone that tiny little detail about himself for later. He has never had anyone who genuinely wants to spend time with him and that can keep up with him. Childe knows he can be quite intense and that rumors about him aren’t really rumors but WARNINGS, and to finally have someone, even if you’re just friends, that is actively trying to get to know the real him means so much, and he doesn’t want to let that go as selfish as he knows it is because there’s a chance you could get hurt (emotionally and physically).

🐋 Unfortunately for him, everything that goes up must go down, and that fateful day comes when his plans to take Rex Lapis’ Gnosis blows back to him. After that brief, tense conversation with La Signora and Zhongli, Childe’s ego can’t be any lower: it’s not often that he loses, and much less often that he loses while feeling like a fool. He wants to scream, fight, punch, kick. Anything to take out the impotence and anger he is feeling right now.

🐋 You found him in this state while you were looking for him to see if he was alright because a WHOLE ASS PALACE JUST FELL FROM THE SKY and you’re very concerned for him as you haven’t had any news directly from him and all you know is that apparently Childe was the cause of it?

🐋 As soon as he sees you, his blood-lust disappears and he no longer wants to fight something: he wants to cry from shame. Shame at being found in this state. Shame at failing. Shame at what you would think of him now that the cat’s out of the bag because from the look in your face is EVIDENT that now you know how far his relationship with the Fatui goes.

🐋 He falls to the ground, tears finally coming out and he is crying ugly sobs while hiccuping nonsense about how he is a weak, pathetic, disgusting failure and it’s not fair it’s not FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR IT’S NOT-

🐋 “Look at me” you softly call to him, but he is panicking and hyperventilating and not responding to anything that’s outside of his head, so you decide to sit on your knees in front of him, gently cupping his face with your hands, caressing his tears away with your thumbs.

🐋 “Childe, look at me. Please?” You try again, carefulness in your tone as to not startle him. And when he finally reacts and looks up, you don’t see Tartaglia the 11th Harbinger, nor Childe the fatui flirt. All you see is a broken man that carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, exhausted from constantly fighting against everything the world has thrown at him, and your heart aches for him and wonders how long this man has suffered alone, how long has he suffered in silence.

🐋 “It’s okay, Childe. You’re okay. Can you breathe for me?” You position yourself behind him and put your hands on his shoulders, rubbing circles with your fingers to further calm him. “Breath with me, yeah just like that. Now hold it for a bit and then release it. Keep going, I’ll do it with you. I’m here”

🐋 Childe finds himself finding it easier to breathe with each inhale and exhale, and when he is finally going down from his high, catharsis hits him HARD. Is this what he has been missing all of his life? Is releasing all that pent-up frustration supposed to feel this good? And he feels a little selfish, because he knows he doesn’t deserve your comfort after the stunt he pulled, but Childe can’t help but become putty under your tender touches and your soft words, and he wishes for a different context, for a different past in which he never fell into the abyss, never joined the Fatui, never felt that the only way to survive was to fight. Instead, he wishes for a past in which he is traveling because he wants to, and he meets you, and he courts you and makes your cheeks heat up at something he said. And you are not touching him because he had a panic crisis that he himself caused. No, he imagines the both of you after a dinner date in Liyue. The sky is dark and the stars are shining but the streets are still full of people laughing and talking and the light from the lamps are reflecting beautifully in your hair. You are walking near the harbor, and you are holding his hand and he is giving you a kiss on your forehead because he can’t help himself. In another life, he would have found you and loved you the way you deserve and the way he needs.

🐋 But he knows that now is too late, and all he has left is a mind full of regret because he did, in fact, hurt you. How could you trust him after this? How could you WANT him after this? So imagine his surprise when the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a soft “Are you ok now, Childe?”

🐋 “I- how- what?” He mutters in disbelief. Why are YOU asking HIM that? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

🐋 “You had me very worried back there. I thought you would stop breathing at any moment. You are not hurt, are you?”

🐋 And he laughs. A high-pitched, almost maniac laugh. “You know I was the cause of all of…” he says, moving his arms to signal, well, everywhere “...this, right? I believe you now must know what my real business in Liyue was, and that I’m not just some random Fatui officer”

🐋 “Well… I kind of suspected it? How many ‘random Fatui officers’ are carrying a Vision, huge amounts of Mora and have so many ‘meetings’ at the Northland Bank with the Qixing themselves? I mean, I didn’t know you were a Harbinger, but I did know that you were a higher up in the organization. I’m not dumb, you know?” you answer light-heartedly.

🐋 “Then why would you keep hanging out with me? If you knew all of that, then you for sure must have known that people tend to keep me in a ‘do not trust’ list. People are wary around me, and they should! If you knew of the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve DONE. The reputation surrounding the Fatui, especially the Harbingers, wasn’t built on nothing, you know?”

🐋 “Don’t get me wrong. I do have somewhat of an idea of the things you do for a living. And let me be clear: I certainly do not condone it. And to be honest, I know that things between us would be easier if you weren’t a Fatui and I actually wish you weren’t one” you can feel how his whole body deflated at that, and even if you are sitting behind him, you just know he has a pout on his face, so you resolve for hugging him from behind and rest the side of your face between his shoulder blades, and continue.

🐋 “But in the past weeks, I also had the opportunity to get to know you. Not Fatui you. But human you. I know that you have a family that you love very much and you do everything in your power to protect them. I know that you haven’t had it easy, and that some scars you have still hurt. I know that you absolutely can’t eat with chopsticks, but your pride refuses to give up and you try anyway. I know that you’re a passionate man that holds his dearest people close to his heart. I know that you hate when I’m sad so you’re willing to make a fool of yourself if that means I’ll end up laughing. I know how you wait outside of my building until my window lights up after you get me home so you are sure nothing happened to me. I know by the way you sometimes disassociate from the world around you that you are thinking of home and returning to your family” as you speak, you feel something wet falling on your upper arms, and realize that Childe is silently crying. You have half a mind to stop, but you also know that he needs to hear this, so you tighten your hug a little in reassurance.

🐋 “I also know that whenever I see you with a new wound, I can’t help but worry for you and my first instinct is to check if you are okay. I’m now familiar with the way my heart skips a beat whenever I get to see one of your genuine smiles, especially when the reason behind them is that you get to spend some time with me. I know my eyes soften when I see you talking about something you’re passionate about. The truth is, I care for you, Childe. I really do, Fatui or not. Harbinger or not. And yes, while I would rather you not be one, I still can’t help but long for your company because you make me happy. Because I love you. So don’t underestimate me. I’m strong and so are my feelings. You being a Fatui is not gonna change that”. After this, you two sit in silence for a few minutes, but it’s not an awkward one despite your confession. You know he is gathering his thoughts so you move one of your arms that is wrapped around Childe’s torso to card your fingers through his hair, mindful of the knots that had appeared after the battle. If he doesn’t believe your words, then you sure hope he trusts your actions.

🐋 Childe is the one who breaks the silence when he asks “How could you possibly love someone like me?”. If you weren’t sitting that close to him, you wouldn’t have heard it. He says this so softly, so gently, almost as if he was trying to convince himself and not you.

🐋 “Silly boy” you laugh warmly. “Did you hear anything I just said?” You ruffle his hair, and finally, FINALLY, you can hear him giggle a little. “You don’t get to decide who I love. That’s my choice, and I choose to love you”

🐋 No kisses were shared that day. No grand, magnificent romantic gestures were made. Only the silent promise of two young lovers to love and cherish each other as they were. And maybe, just maybe, you could work things out, together, to build yourselves a brighter future.

🐋 So after all has been said and done: congrats! You are now the proud s/o of Teyvat’s biggest simp.

🐋 Childe is your number one fan. Everything you do is carefully recorded in his mind for later use. He has to go on a mission away from you? Be prepared to be pampered and being taken on several dates the previous week so this clingy man has something to hold on to.

🐋 Also: he is shameless. He will not be afraid of making out with you in plain daylight on a busy street. But fear not! If you happen to not be a fan of PDA, he will try to be low-profile. You are, afterall, a person he treasures and can’t live without, so your comfort comes before his needs. Now, I say “try” because he will still demand to hold your hand and give you the random kiss on your cheek.

🐋 HUGS. FROM. BEHIND. Watch him giving you hugs like Oprah. You are buying something? Cooking? Chilling? Expect to feel a pair of long limbs wrapping from behind you in a tight hug like a koala. It’s his hourly vibe check.

🐋 Very jealous and protective of you. He is very afraid that one day you’ll realize there are plenty of people better than him and you’ll leave him, so please remind this simp that he is more than enough for you.

🐋 He also has nightmares from the time he spent in the abyss and will take sometime for him to realize that he is no longer there, so give him a few minutes for him to come to his senses and then please for the love of the Tsaritsa cuddle the life out of him. Also on this note, I have the headcanon that he prefers being the little spoon. That, or facing each other and he rests his face in the crook of your neck while leaving little pecks there.

🐋 Also you discover, to your surprise and as stated at the beginning , that this man has absolutely no idea how to do relationships. To compensate for this and to give you only the best of the best (as you deserve), he spends time in his travels to read romantic novels to have an idea of what to do, so don’t be surprised if he says or does something corny or cringey.

🐋 The most chaotic “meet the family” you’ll ever have. As soon as he takes you to Snezhnaya, you will have all of his siblings running and tackling you into a bear hug (he sends A LOT of letters to his family about you and if you read them you would not be sure if he is talking about you or a deity).

🐋 He also tries to keep you out of anything regarding the Fatui. It’s a relief that you finally know about how deep his person runs in the organization, but he also wants to spare you from the details of what he does unless something is really bothering him.

🐋 All in all, this golden retriever is your biggest hype man and the most loyal boyfriend. You will never get bored with Childe, as everyday is an adventure with him and he will make sure you to make you as happy and loved as you make him feel.

#childe #childe x reader #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin impact #mine #tw axiety #tw anxiety attack #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers

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decennia · 4 years ago

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i give u free reign to infodump ab all of the knights and the og army bc i am vv intrigued agjgssgsh

THERE IS SO MUCH HERE OMFG MORAL OF THIS STORY NEVER ASK ME TO INFO DUMP BECAUSE I WILL TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF IT—

I've separated it into sections:

The Knights of Walpurgis, and the motivations for their assigned sins.

Dumbledore's First Resistance, and the motivations for their assigned virtues.

The dynamics between the opposing contenders.

Given the sheer volume of information, I've included a cut. Please enjoy this manip that I am still very proud of.

THE KNIGHTS OF WALPURGIS (later known as Death Eaters) Tom Riddle (Pride)

Pride and arrogance were very large contributing factors to Tom Riddle's downfall in the end, and honestly, the whole idea for the gifset came from Florence + The Machines' Seven Devils playing while casually thinking of Dagrim and Tom, and then about how perfectly Tom would fit as Lucifer.

Dagrim Patil (Avarice)

When questioned about what she wants, and what Riddle promised her in exchange for her unwavering loyalty, her response is, quite simply: everything. Dagrim grew up starved not for affection, but recognition. And what she was denied in childhood, she would take in adulthood by force. Her philosophy is that if something is worth wanting, it is worth taking.

Cantankerous Nott IV (Lust)

We know so little about Theodore Nott's father from the source material, other than he was elderly, and he raised Theo himself. And that he was a Death Eater, of course. His name is an ode to his ancestor, the Cantankerous Nott who created the Sacred Twenty-Eight pureblood directory. I assigned him "lust" purely for the events leading to the conception of his son (sis, it gets messy).

Abraxas Malfoy (Envy)

Abraxas Malfoy envied Tom Riddle to the point of a half attempted mutiny. He was quickly put in his place, his co-conspirators made examples of, and spared only for his close friendship with Dagrim, who pleaded for his life. Riddle, who trusted Dagrim to a fault for all she'd done to earn it, conceded. Abraxas would later prove himself to Riddle again, regaining his seat among Riddle's favoured generals. He was the one who taught Lucius to never disobey the Dark Lord, and he was not a kind teacher.

Ulysses Mulciber (Gluttony)

Indulgence and excess, spoiled rotten and filthy rich. The Mulcibers were the richest of the Sacred at one point in their lives, rivalled only by the Malfoys. Ulysses never knew the meaning of "enough," and was a glutton not only in all manners of vice, but also for cruelty, dealing it out carelessly with little to no regard for the repercussions he was well protected from by his noble standing and wealth. He was one of Riddle's greatest allies and sponsors, and instrumental in his rise to power.

Carmilla Avery (Wrath)

Carmilla was in the year above Riddle, and was quick to anger and slow to calm. Her temper was legendary, and even her younger brothers – also admitted into the Death Eater ranks – feared her. She had an untempered fury, a rage at the world for no reason at all. She developed an unhealthy codependency with Abraxas Malfoy, who served to have a soothing presence over her. People seldom survive crossing her, as her reputation dictates.

Serafine Lestrange (Sloth)

Serafine is not lazy (as the sin "sloth" would suggest), she just lacks the motivations to pursue the goals that are expected of her. A particularly bright witch, and a wealthy one too, she never applied herself at school for she didn't see the need. Instead, she fell into a fascination of the Dark Arts, where she met Riddle, perusing the Restricted Section. She is rather discontented with life, disillusioned from already such a young age. She initially joins Riddle's gang for the excitement of it all.

DUMBLEDORE'S FIRST RESISTANCE (later known as the Order of the Phoenix in its official conception in 1970)

Albus Dumbledore (Patience)

Name a man more patient than Dumbledore, I'll wait. Better yet, he'll wait, because he's patient as hell. So patient, in fact, he waited until after Harry's supposed death to come to him as a hallucination and tell him about how he was a Horcrux.

Rathin Patil (Temperance)

Temperance is abstinence, and I wanted to explore the kind of toll having his sister so far gone into the dark would have on any man, let alone one who really cared for her and wanted to do right by her. Rathin is not a perfect man, he is still fallible, and unfortunately, he develops a dependent comfort in inebriation when Dagrim disappears with Riddle. He pulls himself back together, especially when he becomes Isaiah Moody's partner at the Ministry, and he begins to pursue Miraya.

Miraya Varma (Diligence)

Methodical and persistent, Miraya Varma earned herself a position at the Ministry immediately out of Hogwarts where she would later go on to form her own task force within the Ministry specifically designed for the interrogation and recommended sentencing of dark wizards and witches. She has been known to put her duty first, up until the birth of her son, Divyansh Patil, father to Padma and Parvati.

Isaiah Moody (Humility)

For a very long time, people seldom knew the Moody name, and that was the way Isaiah liked it. He believed that his line of work would endanger his loved ones (in spite of his wife being in the same profession) and so he never took credit for the numerous arrests he made. It was Isaiah who suspected something was strange about Morfin Gaunt's arrest while investigating the Riddle Massacre, and consulted Dumbledore about it. Once his identity was discovered and he was viewed as a threat by Riddle, an attack was made on his heavily pregnant wife, jeopardizing her and his unborn boy's (Alastor) life.

Minerva McGonagall (Chastity)

Mini Minnie is seventeen, my dudes. But not only that, Minerva grew up with a religious father (he was canonically a reverend), who probably taught her his values. Also given the fact that Minerva was the first of the younger generation to participate and involve herself in the war (she sought out Dumbledore and enlisted herself into his Resistance, fearing her family would be made into another statistic if she didn't at least do something to intervene), she really didn't have much time to think about something as arbitrary as the concept of virginity. Also, it's the 1950s.

Corinne Scamander (Kindness)

Corrine is honestly the greatest. She has all of the tenacity of Tina, and the best qualities of Newt. It was Dumbledore's previous bond with Newt that encouraged him to recruit her, and she willingly accepted, because of course she would. She'd always been the soft spoken girl with a tender touch and a love for life, and she was often the advocate for hope in the resistance. She was adept in a few healing charms she'd learned from her father, and was something of a specialist in magical beings, proving herself to be highly valuable while Riddle was expanding his ranks with all manner of dark creatures.

Declan Diggory (Charity)

Sacrifice is in the Diggory blood, and Cedric's grandfather, Declan, was not the first to prove it. He also, unfortunately, wasn't the last, but he sure was one of the best. Selfless to a fault, Declan would willingly get hypothermia if it meant someone else would have warmth. Diggory's contributions to the war effort consisted of offering sanctuary and shelter to muggleborns who received death threats, and orchestrating the evacuations of targeted muggle residences. He was the leader of a small faction of the resistance, including, but not limited to: Fleamont Potter, Enoch Longbottom, Wilhelm Shacklebolt, and Ramona McKinnon.

DYNAMICS (just the contenders for now because this is hella long)

Albus Dumbledore vs. Tom Riddle

Adversaries, a fair deal of mistrust and guilt from Dumbledore's side (upon reflection, he'd been the one to introduce Tom to the wizarding world; even though he knows that if Riddle had been left unchecked, the risk of him becoming an Obscurus would've resulted in catastrophe all the same). Riddle sees Dumbledore as nothing more than a foolish old man, a pest, and an obstacle to overcome at first, but learns to begrudgingly respect Dumbledore's strength and mastery of magic (after all, Riddle only knew him as the Transfiguration teacher before, and thought the accounts of Dumbledore's victory over Grindelwald had been exaggerated to great effect). Riddle's hubris was believing he could defeat Dumbledore on his own, thinking himself already stronger than Grindelwald ever hoped to be.

Rathin Patil vs. Dagrim Patil

Rathin had always been very protective of Dagrim, and loved her dearly, although his acts of affection were often misinterpreted as pity and condescension. This only served to push them further apart. When Dagrim turned to the Dark Arts and found solace in Riddle, it revolted Rathin, as he was hugely against the corruption the Dark Arts has on the performing witch or wizard, and wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. He still very much loves her, and it hurts him to fight her. Dagrim, on the other hand, finds catharsis in duelling her brother, believing it to be justice for the way her parents treated her and the little he did to dissuade them.

Miraya Varma vs. Cantankerous Nott

A mutual respect and an academic rivalry, Cantankerous and Miraya were not friends by any means, but not enemies, either. Cantankerous even went as far as to warn Miraya of an impending attack, allowing her to evacuate the building. But although he knows she's clever, he also knows that she's incredibly stubborn, and displayed little surprise to find her awaiting him in the now vacant building. They are equally matched, and their unique relationship spans several decades, even into Cantankerous' failed run at Minister for Magic, and Theodore and the Patil twins' time at Hogwarts. She was present at his trial following the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, and watched as he was sentenced to life in Azkaban for his crimes as a Death Eater.

Isaiah Moody vs. Abraxas Malfoy

Given his profession, Isaiah has a lot of enemies on the Sacred Twenty-Eight who are loyal to the Dark Lord. One such enemy is Abraxas Malfoy. When Tom gets word of Moody's involvement in solving the Riddle Massacre, he sends Malfoy and a newer Death Eater, Evangeline Rosier, to hinder the investigation. Abraxas and Evangeline were responsible for the attack on Isaiah's heavily pregnant wife, who, if she hadn't been an Auror herself, would've never survived. Alastor Moody was prematurely born at St. Mungo's following the attack, and all of Isaiah's efforts were turned on exacting vengeance on those responsible. Malfoy went into hiding, but Isaiah, ruthless, managed to hunt down Rosier. She died under questioning, setting in motion a vicious cycle of vengeance between the Moodys and Rosiers. Once Isaiah had been killed by Evangeline's brother (Evan [who was named after her] Rosier's father), Abraxas deemed it safe to rejoin society.

Minerva McGonagall vs. Ulysses Mulciber

On the list of things Ulysses loathes, he would put half-bloods above muggleborns (although he turns a blind eye to his Dark Lord's blood status when it conveniences him). Half-bloods only serve as a reminder of the lowest and weakest of his kind; the unworthy muggleborns, the lecherous blood traitors, the vermin muggles. Mulciber prides himself as something of a "purifier," and finds great enjoyment in pruning family trees that have been poisoned by muggle blood into purity once more. He takes a great interest in Minerva McGonagall, given that she is an incredibly powerful witch at such a young age, and he wonders how glorious she would've been had she been a pureblood (a twisted and untrue belief among the Sacred Twenty-Eight during that time). Minerva, the threat of Mulciber weighing heavily on her, places her family under Dumbledore's protection. She vows to stop Mulciber and his perverse idea of justice.

Corinne Scamander vs. Carmilla Avery

It didn't take much to enrage Carmilla Avery, and Corinne had been caught in the tempest Carmilla's fury since the day they'd met. Carmilla, who took great pleasure in picking on people she deemed lesser, made a target out of Corinne, perceiving her kindness for weakness. During their time at Hogwarts, Corinne had gained the attention of Avery for being a blood traitor and a muggle sympathizer, which only strengthened Carmilla's vindication. Corinne, who had been friends with Rubeus Hagrid prior to his expulsion, and who had almost fallen prey to the basilisk when she had heard Myrtle Warren's cries from the bathroom, never lowered herself to Carmilla's level nor did she rise to any of the challenges. This hurt Avery's ego, as she thought this was Corinne's way of claiming herself better than her. It wasn't until after Hogwarts that Carmilla's growing resentment came to a head, and, without the protection the school offered Corinne, Carmilla was looking to finally put an end to the blood traitor line of Scamander.

Declan Diggory vs. Serafine Lestrange

Declan and Serafine were childhood friends who drifted apart during their time at Hogwarts, particularly when she fell in with Riddle's crowd. She is viewed by Dumbledore as having the power to sway the entire outcome of the war, for if Serafine could be persuaded into leaving Riddle, her cousins (one of whom is the father of Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange) would surely comply, and the families who held the Lestranges in high regard would be inclined to follow. This makes Declan and Serafine key pieces in Dumbledore's game of strategy. However, Serafine was disowned long before she defected from the Death Eaters, leaving the Lestranges firmly in Riddle's grasp. Although Serafine claimed to feel nothing for Diggory, she still refused to deal any real harm to him when they duel, in spite of having ample opportunity to do so; something which Riddle picked up on. She was later forced to torture Declan in front of him to prove her loyalty to the Dark Lord, something which Declan permitted her to do, knowing she had very little choice in the matter. He was left for dead, but Serafine would later secretly return with Corinne to get him medical attention. She gives her son, Francis, "Declan" as a middle name.

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erricdraven · 3 years ago

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i'm really intrigued by your s6 spuffy thoughts can you talk more about what you mentioned in your tags???

lol yeah i really lost my entire mind in the tags oops

but sure, i'm happy to talk more about it. it's the one hang up i have about the show that i still have yet to make peace with and honestly don't think i ever will. i really respect now as i've gotten older how characters challenge us to think from new perspectives, and buffy has always been a character that challenges me in a few specific areas. when it comes to buffy and spike, i'm immediately predisposed to empathize with spike when i comes to the way he's treated regarding his feelings because i'm very much a heart-on-my-sleeve, all in person with love myself, and so it's a really hard thing for me to consume something so personally difficult in media i enjoy. i also feel like i need to preface this by saying that at the root of all my thoughts about what their s6 arc is, i believe they are both in the wrong in certain aspects. i'm not saying that spike has done nothing wrong and buffy is the one making all the bad choices and saying all the bad things.

so, with all that said--

the best way i can think to pinpoint why i'm really bothered by buffy's part in their issues can be summed up in the scene in entropy (?) where buffy accuses spike of spying on her on the grounds that she believes that's well within his character to violate her privacy and life like that, and with all the things she lists that he does (lie, cheat, steal, manipulate), he says "i don't hurt you." that interaction really highlights how the power dynamic is really fucked up and skewed for buffy to use to take advantage of. she knows that spike loves her (and though she's really resistant to acknowledging he really does love her, she believes that he believes that he loves her) and has repeatedly acknowledged outright and acted on the fact that he wants to spare her pain in any way that he can. he wants to protect her from getting hurt and if he can't, he wants to comfort her and try to make it better. granted, sometimes his solutions aren't conducive for her, but the intention (which is really important!!) is always to help her and support her.

with this in mind, i think that is why i have such a hard time with s6 buffy. i've yet to get to a point where i can feel comfortable watching her relationship with spike in this season because of how tremendously cruel she is. i understand that she's in serious pain and she feels horrified at herself for wanting to engage in this dark twisted thing with him, but at its heart, i feel like the thing that makes it dark and twisted, given that she knows that he loves her and that sex with him means something, is that she has backed him into a corner by setting a boundary of "i can only accept this so long as it hurts us". as soon as she starts facing her feelings, she can't bear to let him in anymore. we see at the start of s6 that the dynamic between them is something very sweet and gentle and kind. spike is careful and kind and supportive of her as she tries to feel out how to live in the world again. he's understanding of her circumstances (empathizing with the pain and trauma of having to claw your way out of your grave), he kept his promise to care for dawn without any thought of reward (and continues to from then on out), she admits that when she wants to be alone, she still feels most at peace when she's alone with him, and she seeks his input and advice on how to try to figure out the things that she feels like she's way over her head about ("so what do you know about finances?").

people are fallible and characters aren't meant to be perfect, and i believe that's really how writing should be, but this is something i feel like is much more complex than just a flawed character in the throes of an extended major depressive episode. we don't really see any genuine remorse from her directed at spike for how she has treated him even when she admits her disgust with herself for how she was taking advantage of him. when we see buffy fall apart to tara in devastation at the person she's become, i feel like what we're seeing is just an overwhelming amount of self-hatred at what she sees when she looks at herself. it feels like very...self-focused shame, like people who are disgusted at the realization that someone sees and classifies them as a bad person. we recoil from that moniker because we know it's wrong, and that's what we see in buffy. she hates that she's "a bad person", but what feels really lacking for me is the self-awareness to then turn that self-focused shame into a more... i don't know, i hate to call it this, but altruistic shame at the way she has been hurting spike purposefully. taking responsibility for her cruelty i feel like should have looked like her bearing the burden of her shame about her actions, accepting the discomfort of having to humble herself and hold it and say 'yeah, this is mine.' all throughout s6 in particular, spike is consistently the bad guy in every equation when it comes to his relationship with buffy, and that has always felt wrong to me, like a huge disservice to the story and his character. is he a bad guy broadly speaking? yeah, he's more villain than hero for sure. but is he the bad guy in their relationship? i'd argue no, he's not, and we never really get catharsis for that!!

especially with spike having his soul in s7, the tumultuous and abusive dynamic of their relationship in the previous season is treated as something they can just look back at and say "oh well we can move on now and be good and okay because we're never going back there again" even though buffy never apologizes to him for what she did to him and acknowledges it was wrong by taking that responsibility. it's always framed as buffy's stance being "sex is bad and dirty, and engaging in "dark" sex with you was bad so we'll never do it again." i tried to hunt it down and couldn't find it, but @chasingfictions made an amazing post that really struck me, talking about how, while the idea of the soul being a determination of good and a lack of soul being a determination of evil is a bit too simplistic and unsatisfying in the debate of good vs evil, spike's pursuit of a soul and actually getting it all on his own so that he could be a better man to the woman he loves and the world she risks her life every day to protect is so powerful and beautiful. the fact that in the show's canon, no one that becomes soulless has ever sought out getting their soul back, and no only does he get it back, he wins it back!! he fought to have it as a step towards being better, and that intention of choosing to be better means so fucking much! and he made that choice to take an action of good without the soul in question, after having, on many occasions, acted contrary to his nature to be better.

the writing leads us to a point where we support spike's pursuit of redemption and are moved by it, but to me, i think buffy should have been driven to seek her own redemption too. without it, i personally feel a very pervasive sense that catharsis for everything they went through in s6 was never really achieved.

in conclusion (lmao)... everyone interprets text/subtext differently, and that's absolutely okay, so i'm not saying that this is the only right interpretation of things! but for me, after spending a really long time trying to reconcile this discomfort i feel with buffy's character and not being able to get there, this is where i've landed.

#whooooooooooooo this got extremely long winded i'm sorry i just have a lot of thoughts and i try not to share them and start shit lol #buffy the vampire slayer #spike #buffy summers #ramble #ask #anon #otp: he is in my heart

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corinnesamuels · 4 years ago

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I Drove All Night

A little one-shot to switch up all the angst i’ve been writing, and a sequel to The One About the Cupholder, though you don’t technically need to read that one first. I do love that one though =)

Read on ao3

I drove all night to get to you. Is that alright?

I drove all night, crept in your room, woke you from your sleep

To make love to you

She’s almost embarrassed about how desperately she wants him to pick up the phone.

Her heart races as the mobile rings once, twice, and a third time. Lily find herself sighing in relief when she hears a voice on the line.

“Hello?” The voice is garbled with sleep. She’d clearly woken him up.

“I need the address to the house in Exeter.” Lily says as she flips her indicator to change lanes. She can hear bed sheets rustling in the background of the call as he moves around, probably to better see the clock on his bedside table.

“The house in…why do you need that at this hour?”

“Because I’m driving to Exeter.”

Sirius sighs in exasperation and grumbles before responding. “You realize it’ll be nearly 4 in the morning before you get there? James will have my head if I let you get on the road this late.”

“I’m already pulling onto the M4 now, love.”

Sirius makes another sound of displeasure, and Lily can picture him dragging a hand roughly across his face. “You and James are the same brand of impossible. Let the record show that I didn’t sign off on this.”

It’s only been a few days since James left to watch his parents’ house while they’re away on holiday, and she thought she’d been prepared for the time away, but God, does she miss him. And after the week from hell, she more than misses him.

She needs him.

James had tried very hard to get her to come with him. He’d been particularly convincing in the wee hours of several different mornings, so much so that Sirius had scowled at them when they appeared at breakfast. Remus had given her that smirk of his—the one he gives when he knows something you think is a secret—and she could barely look him in the eyes as she slurped down the coffee James had poured her. To be fair, she had been quite loud. They would have been too if they’d been in her shoes…in James’ bed…

Anyways.

As much as she had wanted to say yes, part of the visit fell on her monthly dinner with her parents and Petunia—the one she hated going to but promised her parents she would attend in order to make an effort in mending her relationship with Petunia.

When she stormed out of the restaurant at the end of the evening, however, she felt it would have been better if she had just gone with James in the first place. Petunia had been insufferable, making snide comments toward Lily and fawning over Vernon all night. Vernon had been the terror he always was—openly hateful and chauvinistic, rude to the wait staff, and made condescending comments about James, whom he had never met. It had been a fiasco. When she got back to her flat that night, she screamed into her pillow to relieve some of the tension in her body, but it was no use. A tough week had ended with a horrendous evening, and Lily felt like she couldn’t breathe. It was as if the world were closing in around her.

But the farther away she drove from London, the more that pressure began to feel like anticipation coursing through her veins. Sirius had been right. James will be furious to discover that she decided to drive so far this late, but she’ll cross that bridge when she gets there. Right now, all she can think of falling into his bed and drowning in him.

Ever since she’d fallen, quite literally, into his lap at Remus’ post-dissertation party, he’d managed to brighten up her world in ways she hadn’t imagined possible. He was caring and attentive, clever and daring. She’s laughed more with James than she thinks she ever has with anyone else. The hearty kind that builds from deep within the stomach and brings tears to her eyes. The kind that’s sometimes too loud and causes people to give them strange looks when they’re in public. But James never cares, and more and more, Lily finds that neither does she. She’s always felt safe around him. Not just physically but emotionally. She’s able to share her secrets, her insecurities, and her worries. He never judges her or makes her feel small for them, as other men had. He doesn’t try to stifle her dreams or put her into a box or push her to be someone she isn’t, like Petunia had.

Before she knew it, Lily had fallen for him hard and fast and had been so nervous to admit it, to him or to herself. Then one morning he declared it over breakfast and told her that he would show her every chance he got if she let him. He’d done just that. Every day is like a new adventure with James.

Flashbacks of memories with him push her on as she drives, pulling her closer to him as if she were an object caught in his gravitational pull.

Fitting, when she thinks about how he’s turned her world on its axis.

When Lily pulls up to the house, it’s just shy of 4 in the morning, as Sirius had predicted it would be. She wonders somewhat belatedly if he’ll wake when she gets to the door. Lily kicks herself at the thought. He isn’t typically a heavy sleeper, but the idea of driving all this way to have to sleep in her car causes panic to build inside her. But not long after she rings the bell, she hears heavy footsteps and her shoulders relax as he opens the door.

“Lily?” Confusion is etched all over his face, and the graveled sound of heavy sleep laces his voice. His hair stands at even more angles than usual, and then more still as he runs a hand through his hair in bewilderment. He looks a bit like he can’t tell if he’s dreaming or not.

Lily can’t help it. She drops her bag and launches herself toward him, wrapping her legs around his waist as he catches her reflexively. She takes a moment to drink him in, his eyes still laden with sleep, his hair wild as ever, and his lips—soft and full and beginning to form words and phrases and questions that Lily thought could wait until another day, maybe even another lifetime.

She leans in and kisses him furiously, and after a mild moment of shock, he returns it, kicking the door shut behind them before pushing her up against one of the walls in the hallway. As she thinks about how pleased she is at the reception to her showing up in the middle of the night, somewhat unannounced, he pulls back. Lily lets out a disappointed groan. She rather likes the way this was going and doesn’t want to stop.

“Wait.” James says as he shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his brain. “What are you doing here? It’s…what time is it?” He rambles as his sleep-addled brain attempts to make sense of things.

“I needed you.” She whispers it, but it’s as if every fiber of her being—every cell and atom—came together to make this one point. The tone of it stops him in his tracks.

“Everything about this week has been shit. Work, Petunia, I just—I needed you. The only thing that would make any of this better is you. And if that means that I had to drive all night to get to you, then so be it.” They lock eyes as she runs her thumbs along his cheekbones absently. “I hope that’s alright?”

James’ pupils dilate, and he kisses her again, picking up the same energy as before as he presses her further into the wall with his hips, his hands steadying her from underneath her thighs. “Evans, the only thing better than seeing you right now is hearing that I’m the only person who can make things better for you.” He smirks as he leans his forehead against hers to catch his breath. “I do enjoy it when you stroke my ego, you know.”

Lily laughs, tilting her head back slightly. “I’ll be sure to bring you back down to earth tomorrow, but I’d rather stroke something else at the moment.” She says, nipping at his lips lightly.

James lets out a soft laugh before smiling at her tenderly. “Being with you feels like flying, Lily.” He said. “I haven’t felt like I’ve been down to earth in months.”

If he hadn’t been holding her, she might have melted right there in the hallway. Her heartbeat pounds away in her chest, and Lily wonders if he can hear it. But when she drops a hand to his chest, she notices that their hearts seem to be beating at the same rapid pace. The symmetry of the moment makes her smile as relief floods through her body, and she thinks—not for the first time—that there must be some kind of feeling beyond love. Because whatever this is makes the word seem inadequate. Whatever this is between them is beyond love or lust. It’s euphoria and catharsis, passion and stillness and all the feelings in between. Whatever this is could light up the darkest skies. God, whatever this is? This seems like it could save the world. Love couldn’t possibly be enough to convey these things she feels for and in him.

This must be what sanctuary feels like.

#jily fanfic #jily au #oneshot #Lily misses James #minor BlackEvans BroTP #fluff #I don't know a damn thing about British highways or cell reception #I put my tidal library on shuffle and fics come out

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