#him in a cute song after seeing the matties just might kill me

[seokmattchuus]

Also, as tumblr's token matthew stan (I'm probably talking out my ass here, but I've seen zero bp blogs so idk), can we appreciate his potential to be lead vocal?? My baby was popping o f f in love killa 😭

[bisluthq]

Idk why no one is talking about this but So High School has “brand new, full throttle” and then The Prophecy has “hand on the throttle, thought I caught lightning in a bottle, oh but it’s gone again”…. Like idk I mean I think logically she’s still with Travis but I mean … if I was him I’d be soooo upset with this tbh. Like you just said I was full force and reminded you of being in high school and then like five songs later you’re saying there’s no signs of soulmates… bro. I mean maybe they’re both just hanging out and fucking around for fun…both the Travis songs aren’t too serious tbh (tho she had to put the line about marry kiss or kill me bc girlie wants a ring from ANYONE at this point). Idk I love both songs but I wonder if she’s realizing Travis is really just Mr Right Now and not Mr Right

Well the album was done a fair while ago so I would guess her Travis feelings have gotten stronger and The Prophecy was written before he was in the picture or when they were starting out. They seem in a REALLY good place rn but I also do agree that if I were Travis I wouldn’t be comfy with this album. If I were Joe, songs like the 1 - but even Maroon or Question or Midnight Rain which are more directly autobiographical - wouldn’t bother me. Like Question might bother me in hindsight with the Matty of it all but not then and there because reflecting on a thing from forever ago is normal and like natural. My bf talks to his first ever gf every month and is in contact/friends with a few ex somethings and - this was actually very sweet - his first ever CRUSH from elementary school recently sent him a picture of them as kids over socials (they obviously don’t have each other’s numbers) and he told me all about how big of a crush he had lol and how embarrassing it was and we both spoke about how she’s still so so pretty actually and that’s a very sensible crush. If he were to release writing about her that could be really cute. If he wrote a novel about his cunt of an ex wife that was heartbroken and angry and shit, I’d also be very supportive because that happened a while ago but he’s allowed to never ever be over it because she really hurt him in the worst ways. If, when we first moved in together, he had written something THIS UNHINGED about that girl he was seeing in lockdown before me AND THEN I’d found HER UNHINGED ASS FUCKING ESSAY ABOUT HIM I’m ngl I’d have peaced tf out. I’d have been like “shit um y’all enjoy each other’s company I guess” and I’d have been hurt but yeah no I couldn’t have dealt with it. Travis and Gabby are in that situation atm and like they are far far stronger soldiers than me and I thought myself very unbothered. Also I think if I’d met him right after the cunt ex wife story I also wouldn’t have stuck around lol because by his own admission every conversation became about her and she was like haunting his life lol to the point of uprooting it.

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 4

(gif credit: winifred-burkle)

It’s a landmark episode and not a lot happens, as always.  If they didn’t have the fact it was the 100th episode to talk about, they’d pretty much have nothing at all.  Another episode without bringing up Terror (yay!), another episode without sex or a titty shot (shock!), another episode where we learn nothing about wtf is going on with Ian (yawn).  I HAD thought the show had managed to wrap up 3 storylines, but then I saw spoilers online last night that would indicate at least 2 of them will go on :(  Spoilers and not much else under the cut.

Ian got the “here’s what you missed” again this week, which I’m taking as another sign Cam is nearing the swan song ;)  But, ugh,the opening wasn’t funny-or understandable-at all.  Cam’s standing in front of a busload of extras they must’ve bussed in from a local Chicago school of modeling to portray Gay Jesus supporters, he’s wearing his “God Loves Fags” T shirt and says, “What the fuck were you doing last week that was more important than watching Shameless?  Protesting homophobia and bigotry?  Damn right you were.”  WTF?  If people weren’t watching Shameless last week they were exercising good taste, not “protesting” somewhere at 9 PM on a Sunday-or does he mean not watching this shit show is a protest against homophobia and bigotry?  That actually does make sense.  I apologize ;P

Liam  Whatever the point was of aging him and doing a time jump after Monica died went out the window last night when Liam is approached by some public school teachers about his placement for the next school year.  Liam is afraid he’s going to be kept back, but they assure him it’s the opposite, they want to move him up.  He asks if he’ll be put in 3rd grade, but they say they want to try him in 6th.  But if Liam thought skipping a grade would put him in 3rd, that means currently he’s in 1st and the oldest that would make him right now is 7.  The fuck?  The only reason I’m talking about any of this is because that’s how lame the show is now.

Carl  Lip FINALLY says something to him about the dogs smelling up the whole house.  And then shockingly Ian and Carl have a conversation about the dogs too-and West Point.  But of course this is the year of the Gallagher house seeming weird and creepy, so the conversation takes place with a very catatonic-like Ian sitting on the basement steps in weird shadows whilst Carl feeds the dogs.  The brotherly convo goes like this: Ian: Sure they wouldn’t have been better off if you just gassed them like you were supposed to? Carl: I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I: How are you going to order men (note to JW-women can serve in the armed forces now too, even in combat) to kill the enemy if you can’t put down a couple of old dogs?  That’s what officers do-order men (!!!) to kill.  What did you think they were gonna teach you at West Point?  Marching cadences? C: Is that what Gay Jesus would do? I: What, kill old dogs?  Hell no, Gay Jesus is all about inclusion and grace, but you’re not looking to get into heaven.  You want to lead lean mean murdering machines.  (DID ANYONE EVER THINK THAT WAS IAN’S GOAL IN GOING TO WEST POINT?  LEADING KILLING MACHINES TO THEIR DEATHS?  I HATE YOU, JOHN WELLS!)  If you can’t kill a couple of old dogs might be the time to start considering teaching kindergarten?  Nursing school?  

On that note, he gets up and walks away.  Let me interject another rant here-since WHEN is Ian this insensitive sexist jerk who would think of jobs/careers in terms of things real men do vs. traditionally (in the dark ages) “feminine” jobs?  John Wells is a fucking dinosaur that needs to be educated-fucking teaching and nursing jobs are as difficult as soldiering, plus these days they’re expecting teachers to start protecting classrooms with weapons.  He’s such a dumb fuck!

And also-I bet this is the only time Ian will speak to Carl about West Point and we’ll never know how he truly felt about watching Carl grasp at the dream he once had.  Way to blow the opportunity.

There’s a whole stupid side story about Carl and the kid who originally was getting the West Point letter of recommendation.  In another add it to the list of “read the room, school kids arranging to shoot each other isn’t funny, you fucking out of touch white males” plots, Carl needs to get his “killing mojo” back so he goes to visit a local veteran.  I can’t even begin to guess if Wells was trying to make some commentary about PTSD or if he was just using the poor guy for laughs (this is Shameless, as they love to remind us, so I’m guessing Wells was just going for yuks).  The show makes its at least THIRD joke using tattoos as a punchline, and-just like with Mickey and Ian-it fails to be funny.  Get new material, you untalented hack!  Sorry I keep yelling at John Wells-what a waste if he’s not actually reading this ;) 

In Carl’s showdown with the other kid, Wells turns that kid into a poetry-spouting “pansy” at the last second.  The kid can’t bring himself to shoot Carl, so he shoots himself in the thigh saying his warmonger dad can’t make him enlist in the Marines now even if he’s not going to West Point.  I’m sitting at home wondering if the idiot nicked his femoral artery and is about to bleed out.  Carl says the self inflicted wound is just a flesh wound and they’ll be able to tell, so the kid starts blabbering poetry and Carl shoots him in the other thigh to shut him up.  The kid thanks him and Carl walks away.   Now I’m convinced that second shot had to hit the femoral artery and no one’s calling 911 and I bet the kid dies and Carl’s path to West Point is now strewn with his body and Kassidi’s.  

Debbie  I can’t...I’ll try, I’ll try to be brief, because it’s all meaningless.  After spending one night together, Alex says they should live together (because that’s what ALL wacky lesbians do, they move right in), and Debs says yes.  They get to have a cute domestic breakfast scene that by rights should’ve gone to Mickey and Ian, but I digress.  Debbie goes out and buys “lesbian” outfits, which to me just seemed like they were making fun of HER-of course she’s going to hit the mall, she’s just a teenager!  She doesn’t have to be the spokeswomen of lesbians everywhere.  This show has a knack of mocking the wrong things at the wrong times.  It’s their shitty writing, not teen spending habits, that’s ridiculous here.

The next time we see them, they’re in bed again, and Alex is filling Debbie in on her past serious relationships, and then Wells gives Debbie a speech about all the dudes she slept with and it’s so much more cringe-worthy thinking about the fact he wrote it.  Plus it’s another “relationship retcon” speech since Debbie doesn’t mention that every other time she’s had sex it was a form of rape.  Matty (who Wells has Debbie say had a “big dick”) wasn’t conscious (and, btw, John, a 12 year old virgin-which is the oldest Debbie could’ve been at the time with all your screwing around with her still being 16 last year-wouldn’t be all that enthusiastic about “big dicks” for her very 1st time), Derrick (who she lied to about birth control-if he had slipped off a condom right before entering her that would be rape and this case is also-Wells says he had a great body and really knew what he was doing), and the guy she crossed state lines with who was obviously over 21 if he could rent a hotel room in Missouri, PLUS she was drugged and unable to give consent-that dude’s a two for!  Debbie doesn’t mention him, since she can’t remember him, I guess.  She brings up Neil, but says being with him was just financial (she doesn’t bother to say he just watched while she did things to herself.  But hey, if they had had sex, that would’ve been another case of statutory!)  Anyway, then Wells has Debbie spout off about what having sex with another “girl” is like and Alex gets more and more dejected.  She’s just now seeing that Debbie’s not gay?  We’re supposed to feel sorry for her?  When in the previous episode which SEEMS to have taken place the day before (or a couple of weeks, tops, if you’re going by Liam’s time line) Alex said right out loud that she knew Debbie was straight?  WHY IS THIS SHOW SO DUMB?  We haven’t gotten to know Alex well enough to have sympathy for her regardless, but they made the point of letting us know she KNEW going in Debbie is straight.  And of course in John Wells’ world, there’s no such thing as bisexuals, so...

Deb and Alex “break up” (who cares?) and I thought that would be the end of Alex and Debbie’s gay storyline, but no-sounds like they’re going to be the new Ian and Terror-next week “Debbie tries to repair things with Alex” according to Spoiler TV.  NOOOOO!  I wanted that to be one of my three wrapped up storylines!  

Debbie comes back into the Gallagher kitchen, dragging her baby carriage and pillow with her and crying her heart out.  None of the siblings appear very concerned-this is the new Shameless, a bunch of strangers occasionally bumping into each other.  The biggest “shocker” of the scene is the family is eating Popeye’s instead of KFC.  Another jolt that we don’t even know these people anymore, LOL.

Lip  I can’t...I just don’t understand the motivation to try to make Xan part of his life when he doesn’t seem to be bonding with her in the least.  He asks her if she’d want to stay with him if her mom never comes back-but doesn’t tell the kid why HE wants her to stay or ask Xan why she would want to stay when she says okay.  The story is hollow and no one seems to try to be filling it with any substance.  

There’s a couple of scenes at the motorcycle shop and it’s so obvious Lip and Brad have no idea what they’re doing-they always just grab wrenches and poke at bike parts with them.  Last night Lip kept using the ratchet wrench-I think JAW must like the noise it makes.  

Lip sells the bike he restored to get money to buy parental rights from Xan’s mom, and it’s just creepy?  Why would the mom know to trust him?  I’m still not even convinced WE should trust him-sharing a room with her is creepy af.  Anyway, Xan comes running up when Lip’s trying to get the mom to make the deal (and why is Xan out unsupervised in the middle of the night on a dark South Side street?  Even if she did “just” sneak out to look for her mom, this is a clear example that Lip isn’t father of the year, that he’s not meeting the bare minimum requirements as a guardian), and the mom drops to hug Xan because it’s the 100th episode and these two characters we barely know should get the big emotional scene?  Anyway, Lip drops the check and runs, overwhelmed by an actual show of emotion, no doubt.  THIS was the 2nd storyline I was hoping would be over, but then TMZ reported that the actress who plays Xan has been signed for Season 10.  Which, BTW, still hasn’t been officially announced and that just seems weird that they haven’t.  What is Showtime waiting for?  

Fiona  Ugh, she was worse than ever this week.  Can’t believe these are her waning days-it truly seems like Wells is out to punish her.  Fi is on the toilet as Bored brushes his teeth.  Fiona goes right from flushing to brushing her teeth WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS.  It was so gross-I hope next episode she and Bored have pink eye and mouth thrush.  (Fi also touches her lip after putting on lipstick-still without the benefit of soap.)  They still have no fucking chemistry, and they start talking about the election which of course they don’t see eye to eye on.  Then Fi goes to Patsy’s for the first time in forever and Wells gets to recycle the Fi vs Ian fight over gentrification from last season by having Fi on the opposite side of Frank’s candidate, although they don’t bother to give us any face-to-face interaction.  Which is just fine, since the election storyline was boring and weak anyway.  

Fi is a total...I don’t even know the word-what do you call a boss who doesn’t allow their workers their freedom as voters?  She tells the waitresses to take off their buttons supporting their candidate and that there can be “no electioneering” at the workplace, but puts up a poster for her guy and offers free pie to anyone who puts on one of his buttons.  Would she ever really be that clueless and such a bully?  Does anyone care anymore?  

Later, Fiona goes to the Alibi and has a conversation with Vee where she basically says, “This is what Ford is telling me to think this week...”  Fiona says she wants to vote for the guy against rent control, the businessman  And Vee points out that “the businessman” in Washington isn’t working out too great.  Ooh, Shameless, rushing in with the timely political commentary!  (There will be more too, ugh.)

When Fi shows up at her (or a?) polling place, there’s a rumble going on and Wells has her throw one punch to show us she’s still “South Side”, I guess.  It was gratuitous.  It did not remind us of the show’s glory days, it was a thrown in pointless moment that was so outrageously just tacked on. 

In Fiona’s final scene this week, Bored walks into the apartment building with his massive wooden toolbox reminding us he’s a massive tool, and Fiona tells him how she changed her vote, they kiss, and women’s rights are set back another 100 years.  Oh, and Bored still squints A LOT delivering his lines.  Emmy seems to open hers even wider, probably unconsciously trying to get the other actor to at least try to keep his open once in a while...

Veronica and Kevin  There was some more truly awful “rape jokes” this week. Rape is never going to be funny, and with the week this country suffered through last week-plus the fact that it’s still ongoing-I really wish they had just deleted all the Alibi scenes.  Kev makes up a scoreboard or bingo sheet (it isn’t clear) of all the “types” of rapey behavior that can now be shorthanded into a celebrity’s name.  I won’t even justify the “joke” with some examples.  And then KEVIN becomes a sought-after consultant to make other South Side bars less rapey because he’s the white man running the Alibi and Vee is...not.  

Frank is in the episode more than I’m going to talk about, but suffice it to say I do truly believe his election storyline is over (one out of three is not good enough, Shameless!  Wrap up the boring shit that’s going nowhere and do something with the other shit that’s also going nowhere!)   Mo wins the election, and Wells has a reporter say it’s because voters were afraid to say they were bigots in polls.  Which again, this show is too narrow to try to address larger issues-if that’s Wells’ theory why Trump won, it doesn’t explain how “bigoted voters” elected Obama twice.  Try making the world a better place, Wells.  Yes, there is racism and idiot bigotry here, but there was just something smug about how he justified his fictional political outcome.  There was a scene where Frank’s asking some of the Gallaghers if they’re voting-Carl says he’s too young, Lip says he’s not registered, and Ian says, “What’s the point?”  And that pissed me off too, because we’re having Gay Jesus shoved down our throats, but then Wells seems to be saying Ian won’t bother to vote and would rather blow shit up.  Again, the kid that ORIGINALLY had the dream to serve his country by going to West Point.  And fucking Lip-what, he’s too “smart” to think voting matters?  

(Also in that scene, Ian was eating peanut butter toast, but still no sign of his pill bottles.  Cam actually took a bite of the toast, if that type of dedication to his craft matters to anyone.)

The post credits “joke” was a pedo joke about Mo.  Fuck you, John Wells.  

The only thing Frank was good for this week was to lead us back to Mickey’s house.  As so often with this show, I have to forget context (good thing I’ve had plenty of practice, I guess?) and I will fully admit that when I saw Mickey’s little castle of a house I teared up a little.  It was like seeing an old friend.  

But then of course they had to ruin it by Frank knocking on the door, we hear Terry yelling and hitting a dog named Adolf (they put a yelp in and everything) and Terry opens the door wielding a baseball bat that brought Negan and Jeffery Dean Morgan to mind-I hope that was a shout out to him.  The bat had nails in embedded in it instead of barbed wire, but close enough.  Best not to imagine how much cooler the show might have been with JDM instead of Sean, sigh.  

A much funnier joke than anything they did give us about Mo White would’ve been to have Frank ask Terry, “Still have a connection with Russians?  I have an election to rig.”

Finally we get to Ian but just because he had more screen time this week doesn’t mean we’re any closer to knowing anything.  And I was going to bust Cameron for acting very sleepy and out of it in all of his scenes, but then I realized that’s pretty much how all the Gallagher kids actors have been acting, except for Fiona (and I’d say she’s trying too hard sometimes.  There’s also been lots of scenes so far where it seems like she’s phoning it in-but of course they’re giving her shit to do).  

Anyway, things this episode start in the Gallagher kitchen, Ian groans when he sees the coffee’s all gone, and says he’s not sleeping-he got too used to all the noise in jail, it’s too quiet here.  Well, bitch, the house was always lively when the Milkovich siblings were there too, work on getting them back...

Lip asks him if he met his public defender yet and Ian says Geneva and the Gay Jesus donors got him a lawyer, “rich, queer, too much time on his hands since same sex marriage got fixed.”  Um, why is Ian sounding so put out with the guy without even meeting him?  What’s this superiority complex?  

Later Ian walks into GJ church HQ and he’s limping, but I don’t think it’s a continuity error, I think they probably just had him film scenes out of order that day and I think he went a little too hard, LOL.  Anyway, the GJ kids applaud and Geneva hugs him-she’s into it, he’s not.  At the HQ they’re making silk screen shirts with Ian’s face and Gay Jesus signs.  Geneva is once again spouting out statistics, saying how wildly popular the movement is, 77,000 followers in the past five days-One Direction at their height was gaining popularity around the globe like that, not this Gay Jesus shit.  Ian doesn’t seem to be listening too closely to what she’s spewing, and when two body-builder women walk by he asks Geneva who they are.  She says they’re part of the lesbian legion from an MMA gym and adds, “Your gays turned out to be too sweet to handle security.”  Whatever-they keep trying to act like there’s all this dynamic action happening off screen-NO ONE CARES since all we ever see is Ian moping around, looking like Cameron has a headache.

Next time we see Ian he’s walking around outside in his red kicks (really wish we knew the significance of those-are they supposed to be like Jesus’ sandals?  What happened in the cut scene where he left them in the aisle last season?  I only want to know because the show seems to think they mean SOMETHING)-anyway, where’s Ian going?  Why?  We’re never told-great storytelling this ain’t, kids.  A van slows up next to him and a guy leans out and says, “You’re Ian, right?  Gay Jesus?”  How did the guys in the van know where Ian would be walking?  Do they just circle the Gay Jesus church hoping he’ll come out?  Again, we’ll never know.  The guy continues, “I’ve been watching your videos with my friends.  The burning vans, the sermons-it’s inspiring.”  Ian says thanks.  The guy says, “You really think that’s what Jesus was teaching?”  Ian says, “Inclusion, love, acceptance for all?  Yeah, absolutely.”  Then the van guy says, “You don’t think God sees homosexual bestiality as a sinful perversion of His divine creations?”  Ian’s confused, says, “What?”, sees the sliding panel door of the van open, and takes off running, jumping over fences and at some point in his getaway, pulling some muscle in his tight jeans.  

Next time we see Ian he’s sitting alone in the Gallagher kitchen nursing a beer and his thigh.  (No Bible this time-no sign of his pills either.)  Lip comes in and asks him if he’s okay and Ian says he maybe pulled a hamstring running from homophobes.  Lip says, “I guess there’s nothing new about that, right?” and you wonder just when he stopped caring so completely about his brother.  

Ian doesn’t bother to answer, sips his beer instead.  After a minute he quietly asks Lip, “Think you could do hard time?” Lip: In prison?  Uh...rather not.  I: Gay Jesus kids don’t want me to cop a plea.  Want me to take it to trial.  Get as much publicity for the cause as I can. L: What’s your lawyer say? I: Could be looking at 10-15 if I don’t take a deal.  (Me at home, screaming at the TV: WHAT ARE THE CHARGES?  WHY CAN’T THEY EVER TELL US ANYTHING?  WHAT ARE THEY SAYING YOU DID THAT’S ON PAR WITH MICKEY’S BULLSHIT ATTEMPTED 2ND DEGREE MURDER SENTENCE????)

Lip, rather than saying ANYTHING to the brother he’s closest to about maybe not giving up his entire young adulthood to a cause, not saying something like, “You’d be older than the real Jesus got to live till by the time you get out”, not saying if he thinks Ian’s an idiot if he’s even questioning doing hard time in a bad place, no, rather than that, he takes his coffee out of the microwave and comes around the counter to the same side as Ian and says, “You ah, hearing from Shim again?” I: Sometimes.  (Me at home: WHAT?  WHEN?  What does that look like when it happens?) L: Well, what does Shim think? I: Unclear.  (Oh, Ian, are you kidding me?  All this time you thought you were talking to god but you’ve just been playing with a Magic 8 Ball?) L: Xan’s mom showed up today.  (Guess we’re done talking about Ian then!)  She’s a junkie.  Hookin’... I: What are you going to do? L: I don’t know. I: Maybe you should try asking Shim. L: Maybe.  

End scene.  So again, we get tantalizingly close to a discussion about what might be going on inside Ian’s head-is he getting it?  That the Gay Jesus movement is just using him at this point?  Or does he really think going to prison as the highly recognizable face of said movement is going to work out somehow-other than him not dying a painful and brutal death?  And why can’t Lip give enough of a shit to at least ask him not to go?  Fuuuuuuck.  

Next Ian’s back at GJ HQ.  Geneva comes in and says she didn’t see him come in.  He says he came in the back-all the hugging and applause when he comes in the front is kinda weird.  Since Geneva is the only one who ever hugs him, I hope she’s getting the hint.  He’s looking over the “Free Gay Jesus” posters.

Ian: What is this? Geneva: Couple of the arty kids are working out a few ideas for if you do end up in prison. I: Couple assholes in a van chased me last night.  Apparently they’re not very big fans of my interpretation of Bible verse. G: Fuckers.  I’ll get you a couple of lesbian legion body guards.  They’d love nothing more than to a chance to stomp homophobes.  (Because, yeah, THAT was Jesus’ message.) Ian holds up a Che Jesus shirt with an unintentionally hilarious graphic of him wearing a beret-Showtime probably thinks fans want to buy them (I wrote these notes before Steve Howey tweeted he wants one last night.  It got less than a thousand likes, and I bet that number would be less than half if Cam hadn’t replied).  

I: Think any of this is gonna end up making a difference? G: Ian, you’ve given thousands of gay and lesbian teenagers a voice.  (Insert Mickey gif of “Not really tho” here.)  You’ve inspired us to stand up and fight for ourselves.  

So much wrong with so much of that.  First of all, is Geneva LGBT?  She was a runaway who ran away from having to give blowjobs, right, not because her parents kicked her out for being LGBT?  And she’s been crushing on Ian since Day 1, so, probably not “L”, and Wells clearly doesn’t believe in “B”, so who is Geneva to say “us”?  And next, IF Ian/Gay Jesus has given kids “a voice”, what is he saying for them-are the teens really into his whole “Jesus was a junkie”, “my god is non-binary” shouting that they haven’s shown since last year?  Don’t teens get bored and move on to the next thing when their idols aren’t doing anything new?  Lastly, she says they are standing up and fighting for themselves-where, when, how?  

I: Know what I was thinking when I was running away from those bastards?  (Me at home: NO!  We never know what you’re thinking!  That’s the whole damn problem with your storylines!)  It’s been 2000 years since Jesus died on the cross and I’m still running for my life down an alley because I fall in love with men instead of women.  (No, Ian, you’ve only ever loved one (1) man-fucking admit that for once and then get on with your life.  That line should’ve been “have sex with”, no one deserves to be chased down for that either, and it wouldn’t have made me exasperated with Ian over the whole “love” thing, which is a separate issue this show fucking needs to handle before it’s all said and done with Ian.)  

Then one of the GJ kids comes in to report there’s a bunch of Nazi’s keeping people from getting to one of the polls and we don’t see Ian again this episode. But again, I hope that they’re finally having him wake up to the fact that NO ONE cares about him.  The family has washed its hands of him, the Gay Jesus followers WANT him to go to prison (and probably die) and be a martyr for the cause.  Time to ask yourself who is the only person who ever looked at you and actually saw you there, Ian.  The only person to look you in the eye and say, “I love you.”   

[girlwsoftsound]

Mind Games || Matty Healy Oneshot

Word Count: 2,046 Summary: “Can you do an imagine where matty helps the reader face her fear?? she's scared of water (like lakes and oceans) and he tries to bring her in and shes crying the whole time but she eventually gets over it and isnt scared anymore?” “Could you please write a matty x reader one shot where the reader and the boys go to the beach and they get in to a water fight? Author’s Note: I LOVED writing this. I think it turned out really, really cute. I hope you feel the same! Be sure to throw in a like or comment if you liked it! I love seeing feedback from you all. Please feel free to read my other work here! Enjoy!

Fears are simply your mind playing tricks on you.

That is what you have always been told, be it from family or friends. It’s all in your head. Beat your mind, and you’ll be fine. Sure, it sounds easy when put like that, but life is not as easy as words claim it to be. One can say the words ‘I will own a billion dollars’, but a stack of cash is not exactly going to appear down in front of you at your wish. You have to work for it, and work does not come easy. You have learned this from a very early age, and still struggle with it, all thanks to the big wide space called the ocean.

It should be simple. Little children, babies even, swim in the ocean. Sure, they are usually accompanied by parents and floaties, but that was because they aren’t good swimmers yet. They still have a drive to be in the water and feel the sand beneath their toes. You do not. You get scared by the mere thought of stepping foot in the ocean.

For starters, it’s so big. Why will humans willingly go into a mass body of water that we know less about than space? It seems impractical. Not to mention, incredibly dangerous. Speaking of dangerous, there are thousands of ways the sea can kill you. Sharks, a stingray to the heart, riptide, bacteria, jellyfish - the list can go on and on, which is the point. The ocean is full of some fucked up things. Why on Earth would you want to put yourself at that risk? Willingly, so!

For these reasons, and countless others you could spend a year talking about, you avoid the ocean. Living in England helps you avoid the ocean in social encounters. Not many people want to go to a dreary beach without sun, and if they do, it’s usually to hang out on the sand, which you are fine with! Sand is soft and relaxing and nice to play beach volleyball on. It only has the occasional crab or ant on it, which you hardly have a bother with. Sand is fine. You thought you would be in the clear and restricted only to sand, until you met the group of four boys by the name The 1975, befriended them, and got involved with their lead singer, Matty Healy.

You did not see it coming! Cute boy and his equally cute friends wish to spend time with you. Fun! You like spending time with cute boys, and kissing the leader of them. His lips are soft and sweet and taste like mixtures of alcohol and fruit, and it’s always delicious fun. There should not be anything troubling about that! Except there is. These boys, with their cuteness and delicious kisses, love the beach. And not in a ‘oh I’ll take a dip and then stay on the sand for the rest of the day’ way. In a ‘we might as well exist as mermen given how much we love the water’ way.

The first time they went? You aced your excuse. Traveling along with them on tour, you faked not feeling too great because of fatigue and jetlag, which was understandable. The boys were used to the feeling, so they let it slide. All you had to do was look a little tired when they were around, which was not that hard of a task, and they bought it. The second time was even more clever. One claim of being on your period, and the boys all let you be.

Now, at your third time, you have no excuse. You have been well all week. Touring America has its perks, and you love going in and out of shops and seeing all of the interesting sights in the bigger touristy towns the boys play in. You have been excited all day and all night, proving you are healthy and happy. Also, your period came the week before, so that option was out. The boys are not that blind to how the female body works.

So here you sit, feet in the sand, nerves pooling in your stomach, as your favorite boys are setting up camp and preparing to enter the sea off the California coast. It’s beautiful, from afar. Up close, the waves seem almost too rough, too loud as they crash into the shore. Sure, kids are playing in it well and fine, but they aren’t you. They don’t know the mysterious and devilish beings that lurk inside. Arms wrapped around your bare stomach, you feel like screaming to release the fear. It’s too much. You are not excited to go through with it.

“{Y/N}?”

Matty’s voice scares you out of your thoughts, and immediately your eyes fly up to him. Positively glowing in the sunlight, with his eyes covered by dark shades and his blue swimming trunks standing stark compared to the paleness of his skin, he looks something like a dream. He sits down beside you, meeting your eyes, analyzing you in that way you know makes him a genius at conveying emotions in his songs.

“You alright?”

No, I’m fearing for my life and absolutely petrified of getting eaten by a shark, how are you? “I’m fine.”

He reads your bluff without struggle. His eyebrows furrow, almost chiding you for lying. “You can tell me anything, you know. Today’s about fun, and I want you to have fun.”

I can’t have fun when the ocean screams death to me. “Seriously Matty, it’s alright.”

“You sure?”

“Yes!” You say it a bit too quickly, a bit too cheerful, and Matty catches it instantly. He looks at you scolding, confused as to why you would lie to him so blatantly. Shame on you for thinking you could pull wool over your boyfriend’s eyes! You should know better. He knows you know better. By hiding, it has made it all the more obvious that you have something to hide. A frown crosses his face as he stands up. His hand offers itself to you, beckoning you to stand with him. You take it.

“C’mon, I think a dip will do you well.”

No it won’t!

The others are already in the water, splashing and playing like children in a pool. Pools are much safer though, and you would join them if you were in one. But you are not, and you are being brought closer and closer to essentially a pool on crack, and it feels like your heart can leap out of your stomach at any time. That, or the contents of your stomach. Or both. You wonder if your grip on Matty’s hand is uncomfortable. It’s growing quite tight. You can feel it, subconsciously at least. Your mind is a bit preoccupied at the moment. You bite your lip, your feet growing closer to the wet sand covered in sea foam. Closer, closer, closer. Feet nearly touching the foam now. Water approaching your toes…

“STOP!”

You are loud enough to startle not only Matty, but the boys at play as well. They turn back to their fun, thinking Matty is simply playing with you, but Matty knows better. He stops right in his tracks and looks to you, as if to wonder if you ready to finally explain what is bothering you. Though, now you suppose he has somewhat of a clue. Arms wrapping again around your waist, you let out a deep breath, embarrassment already tinging the color of your cheeks a bright red.

“I...I hate the ocean.”

Alright, not a complete confession.

“Like...really hate it. I’m afraid of it.”

Like a bandaid.

It looks like it takes Matty a second to process, which you fully understand with him being a lover of the ocean. It would be like you with strawberries. Why would someone hate strawberries? The thought baffles you, and you are sure it’s not unlike the way Matty feels about this revelation. However, you find his eyes to soften, his expression changing to a more understanding form. He takes your hand, and you can tell by the way he laces his fingers in yours that he’s not going to chastise you the way you think he is.

“It’s alright.” Did he really just say that? “It’s alright to be afraid. The ocean’s big, and who knows what on Earth is in it.” You really are not sure what you did to deserve someone like Matty. “I want to show you though that there is nothing to worry about.”

There it is.

“Matty, I don’t know-”

“Give me one chance,” he begs, those beautiful chocolate eyes staring back at you. “If in my one chance, you still think the ocean is fucking mental and scary as fuck, then alright. No ocean for you, no more questions asked. I want you to try, though. Please?”

He asked nicely, after all. Sighing, you throw caution to the wind and squeeze his hand. “Okay.”

You’ll probably end up regretting this, you tell yourself as Matty inches you closer to the water. Nothing quite like letting Matty see you panic, letting the entire band see you panic. Closer and closer you go. Your feet touch the water again, and that panic releases, a squeal leaving your lips. Matty’s grip on you only becomes tighter, his arm now moving to wrap around you to guide you in.

“It’s alright,” he whispers, soothing, assuring, too good for you. “You’re doing great. Baby steps.”

You felt like a baby alright. But, you are moving. Ever so slowly, water is rising, coming up first past your knees and now past your waist. He brings you out to where the boys are, the water just hitting at your chest, and then smiles a wickedly bright smile. You did it. You are in the water, successfully. His arm does not leave you after this, to your delight. His lips meet your cheek, congratulatory. He’s proud.

“Look at you! You made it,” he whispers, that grin on his face. You cannot help but grin back.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

“I knew you would be alright.”

“Hey, {Y/N}!”

Turning at the sound of George’s voice, you are met with a giant splash of water in your face. The salt stings a bit, and you scream, but Matty overreacts. He shouts at George, protective and cursing, believing the action probably just sent you off course with your fears. However, you do not find yourself all that bothered with the action. Now out here, water surrounding you, it feels a bit like a pool again, a wavy but safe pool. The water stings, but it’s still water. It’s still your boys. Hearing Matty still droning on about watching out for you, you move to splash him. It immediately lights George’s face back up, and Matty looks back at you incredulous, unbelieving the sight and the water now dripping down his body. You giggle.

“Shut up, you wanker.”

Revenge comes fast. Before long, the entire group is splashing about in the water. Ross and George tag team Matty, and you quickly get into your own little fight with Adam, who is more gentle in his attacks to keep you at ease but still is much fun to play with. You feel like a child, splashing around and laughing. Not a care in the world crosses your mind, not even the fact that animals of the ocean probably are watching this commotion curiously, wondering if it’s a signal to come up and get a snack. You are simply playing with your friends. Happy. Confident. Fears conquered.

Finding Matty as the fight starts to wind down, you give him a big, thankful kiss in the water. It’s not because he’s cute, though that has something to do with it. It’s for how he pushed you to face your fears and enjoy life more, to live and let go. No one your entire life got you to do that. They let you sit in fear. He brought you out of it. Kissing him deep, you thank him for being him. You thank him for letting you be you.

You thank him for no longer allowing yourself to play into the trick your mind had been playing on you.

[shockcity]

DD #10 - hearts and other stolen things

Rating: M

Summary: AU - Matthew Murdock is a self-serving criminal with no time for love. But this Foggy fellow sure is persistent….

Category: M/M

Pairing: Foggy Nelson/Matt Murdock

Warnings: Deadpool

Note: I actually don’t often ship Foggy/Matt, as my OTP is Fratt, but I have a thing for cuddly dom!Foggy, so there’s that.

Oooh. Poetry.

__________________________

Deadpool had about five minutes before Matt packed up his shit and went home. It was starting to snow; his senses didn’t work so well in this weather, his fingers were frozen, and his socks were wet.

His socks were wet.

���Honey! I’m home!” Wade called, finally clambering onto Matt’s roof. “~I can’t feel my face! Baby it’s cold outside. Let’s go back to your place…sooo we can fuuuuck~”

“That’s not how the song goes,�� Matt said, irritated. “I’ve been here for an hour. We said one, Wade.”

“Nuh-uh. Three! I’m totally early.”

He was not early. He was dumb, and Matt was cold and his socks were wet.

“Can we please just get this over with?” he snapped. “Your being here at all is a professional courtesy. Your man is there,” Matt pointed to the fourth floor. “My diamond is there.” He pointed to the fifth. “Got it?”

“Capisce compadre.” Wade saluted, but didn’t move from the roof. “I’m just curious though, what do you need a three million dollar diamond for?”

More socks, Matt thought, these are wet.

“I’m starting a charity for disadvantaged blind orphans with abandonment issues,” he confessed. “Then I’m giving the rest to the church.”

Deadpool laughed. “Sure. I should have asked, ‘hmm, how many pairs of silk sheets can you get with three mill?’”

Perching on the edge of the building, Matt tested the cable before buckling himself in.  

“So many,” he answered, and then slid down onto the roof of the bank.

“Nice ass!” Wade yelled after him.

_________________________

Daredevil strikes again! Georgian Diamond stolen from Max Security Vault! said the Bulletin headline.

“DD strikes back. DD, a new hope. Return of the DD. The Phantom D–”

Matt hung up on him.

A few seconds later, Wade called back. “Is this Ghengis Connie’s? How is your dim sum on a scale of one to ten?”

Matt hung up.

“Idiot, Idiot, Idiot,” said Matt’s phone.

He did not answer; instead, he drank his very good organic coffee and wiggled his vicuna wool covered toes with quiet satisfaction.

“Idiot using Weasel’s phone, Idiot using Weasel’s phone, idiot using Weasel’s phone.”

Matt sighed.

“Unknown number, probably Wade, unknown number, probably Wade – I don’t know why I get up in the morning,” he said when he finally answered. “Stop calling me. And stop calling me Daredevil.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal. But I’ll never lose your number, Rikki. What are you wearing?”

Matt hung up.

_________________________

They met on a heist.

Both people. Both times.

Matt would never ever admit to why he tolerated Deadpool’s crap, and he and Foggy were still really new, but Matt could reasonably say that two of the most prevalent people in his life were introduced to him while shit went down. Attachments were often made in times of strife, after all.

One introduction occurred during a high stakes B&E at S.H.I.E.L.D. Accounting HQ (don’t ask), and the other was at the law offices of Hogarth, Chao, and Benowitz. Matt was stealing sensitive paperwork both times.

Deadpool was attempting to reconfigure someone’s face while arguing about the merits of fish tacos v carne asada (Matt has never asked for an explanation, because Matt gives a fuck only sometimes and this was not one of those times), and the whole one-sided debate/torture session was being held right on top of the file cabinet that Matt needed to break into.

It was very inconvenient.

Punches were thrown, acrobatics done, and some of Deadpool’s limbs were lost. Even though Matt left him doing a black knight “just a flesh wound” impression, Deadpool decided to seek out Matt later anyway. Apparently they were now “best friends for freaking ever and ever,” and “they still make those halfsy heart necklaces, I’ll get us one, omg!!1!”

There was over a year of suffering Wade’s…Wadeness, before the second most important person in Matt’s life walked in on him shuffling through Jeryn Hogarth’s personal file cabinet at 3 am.

Seriously with the file cabinets.

“Um, are you… stealing…stuff?” said Foggy, and then he took a deep breath. “Do you need legal representation?”

Matt considered this. “Probably,” he decided. “But that depends on my getting caught.”

Foggy nodded sagely. “True that,” he said. “I doubt I could out-ninja you, if you are, in fact, the dude I think you are…so, I’ll go call the cops and you can just skedaddle while I hope for the sake of my career that you’ve not taken anything too important.”

“Hogarth has evidence that one of your clients is guilty of embezzlement. This is that evidence,” Matt told him, waving the folder around. “So no, your ass isn’t on the line.” He thought for a moment. “Unless I decide to get rid of the witness.”

“Sure ok,” Foggy scoffed, taking out his phone and thumbing through it. He punched in 911 (presumably) and held it up for Matt to see (which he couldn’t). “Calling them now, so…catch you on the flipside.”

Matt made it four blocks away by the time the cops caught up, and by then he had replaced thoughts of the heist with thoughts of Foggy. Matt was fascinated, and oddly charmed by this man, and some part of his brain must have come loose or there was a gas leak in his apartment or something, because he found himself calling Wade to talk about it.

“He sounds amazing,” Wade said, groaning into the phone. “Is he hot? Are you gonna hook up? I think I’m jealous.”

“I don’t know what he looks like because I can’t see,” Matt reminded him politely, and Wade groaned again. “But he smells nice.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

“I can’t see him at all, because I’m blind.”

Wade hung up on him.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot,” Matt’s phone announced thirty seconds later.

“Just promise me one thing,” announced Wade, sounding melancholy. “Bros before hoes, Matty. Bros. Before. Hoes.”

Matt promised reluctantly, even though he had no intention whatsoever of ever crossing paths with Foggy again.

But fate had another plan, of course.

…and also Foggy and Matt’s romance is really quite a lovely story, and honestly, there’s only so much Deadpool readers can take.

_________________________

“Oh good! I caught you.”

Matt wasn’t sure how exactly Foggy Nelson had figured out where his local bodega was. He wasn’t sure how Foggy knew who he was even, because he was in Matt-clothes, not Daredevil cat-suit clothes.

And he’d just called himself Daredevil. Fucking Wade.

But more pressing things were at hand, like this getting caught business.

“What?”

Foggy seemed to realize what he’d said, based on his nervous shuffling. “Uh, not in the ‘apprehending a suspect’ sense, but in a, I need some friendly advice sense.”

Matt put down the fruit he’d been inspecting, and turned to face Foggy directly. There was an intake of breath.

“That’s…a cane. How did I miss the cane? Wow. Uh. Cane.”

“How did you know who I was?” Matt asked, crossing his arms. “And give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just kill you?”

He wondered if Foggy had thought any of this through, but then he didn’t seem all that nervous at the mention of killing things. Huh.

“Because you don’t kill people?” Huh. “And you feel like paying me back for doing you a solid that one time?”

Matt suddenly blushed, feeling like an asshole. He did owe Foggy, and he felt bad that Foggy had had to call on that debt to get Matt to help him. Matt wasn’t…a bad person, per se. Self-serving, yes. Compulsive liar and thief, absolutely. Unwilling to help his fellow man (especially when appealed to directly)? Of course not. He was human. He had human…emotions. Empathy. Compassion.

Stick hadn’t completely fucked him up, after all.

You’re a hot mess, baby, his internal Wade-voice said. What you need is some dick, offer him an afternoon siesta–

Shut up, Wade.

“Sorry, Nelson. Of course I’ll help.” Matt mumbled, frowning in the direction of his shoes. “I’m not a complete ass.”

“Ookay… never said you were. So, here’s the thing: someone broke into my apartment but they didn’t steal anything, man, they left something. In your expert opinion does this smack of crazy or clever manipulation? Or both?”

“What did they leave?”

“A hoe.”

Matt blinked. “Excuse me?”

“A hoe. Uh. Like the farm tool…thing. The raking. Of the crops. I don’t know I’m from Hell’s Kitchen.”

“A hoe,” he parroted in disbelief.

Foggy was smiling nervously, he could hear it, and Matt might have smiled back had he not realized exactly what (or whom) he was dealing with.

“Deadpool,” Matt hissed.

———-

“I’m just trying to get you out there.” Wade dodged a kick to the face. “It’s been two years, Matty! I’m surprised little Matt hasn’t just fallen off…just, detached and run off to find someone that actually appreciates him for who he is– ”

Matt socked him in the stomach. “Oof!” said Wade. “OK time-out. Time-out. That actually hurt kinda.”

Despite being angry at him, Matt did pull away, his hands on Deadpool’s shoulders. “You need to stop,” he told his friend. “Nelson could have gone to the police with your note.”

He hadn’t been able to appreciate Wade’s drawing of Foggy in a giant dick costume (“it’s very très chic,” Foggy had said) but the addition of the address for Matt’s local grocery and what time he usually dropped by was absolutely not something he appreciated at all.

“Oh, come on.” Wade threw his hands in the air as Matt stomped around his kitchen. “He never would have gone to the po po. He’s the most innocent butterscotch donut there ever was. The worst he’s probably ever done to anyone is ask if they were really blind. And those were special circumstances! And his hair is golden and glossy. He wears cute suits. He’s really come along way from She’s All That!”

“Wade, enough.”

Wade sunk into a sullen silence, which, getting him to actually shut up for even a short period of time was sort of a superpower of Matt’s. Everyone said so. And usually this was where he sighed and told Wade to stop pouting and then forgave him, but Matt was serious this time.

“You could have really screwed up here, you know. Nice guy or not, Foggy Nelson knowing my secret identity isn’t necessarily a good thing. Now he’s…involved. My enemies could come after him.”

“Spider-man hasn’t tried to arrest you in months– ”

“They could use him to hurt me. If I’m being honest, that’s what I’m most afraid of, Wade. Of people I care for being caught in the crossfire.”

“Oh my goooooooooood,” Wade exclaimed, skipping over to Matt and grabbing him into an uncomfortable hug. “You’re still scarred about that one time with the Punisher! Awwwww, Matty. You knew I’d be fine! I’m sorry you got splattered with my brains– ”

“You’re sorry?”

“ –and for making you choose between your boyfriend and me. But that was my fault, not yours. I was on Castle’s radar a long time before he started doing the do with you. Which sounded pretty hot, gotta say. Oh, and I heard you that one time.”

“Ugh.”

“You’re kinda loud.”

“Just…” Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Just let me handle it, okay?”

“You got it, DD. Consider me persona non grata! El out of it-o. Worry not about anymore interference from me, my good sir. I leave thee to thy contemplations of eternal celibacy. Foggy Nelson is never gonna hear from me again! You have my word.”

_________________________

“Hi,” Wade said into Foggy’s ear, who nearly jumped out of his seat in surprise. “Sooooo? What’d you think? He’s hot, right?”

“I, um– ”

“Ooh, breakfast burritos!” He purloined Foggy’s meal, sitting across from him at the little cafe table. People stared. Wade knew it was because he was super handsome and famous. “I notice you didn’t ask him out.”

Foggy shrugged awkwardly. “Well, he was pretty annoyed, so I figured it wasn’t the best time to suggest dinner.”

Wade shoved the half-eaten burrito in his pocket. “I see,” he nodded. “Oh, and speaking of seeing, how do you feel about the blind thing? Because let me tell you, it took some getting used to– ”

“Um.”

“ –but then Matt explained this thing called ableism to me, and wow was that an eye-opener. Pun totally intended. So if you’ve got a problem with blind people I completely understand, but also you’re probably gonna meet Mean Deadpool instead of Nice Deadpool. The Mean one kills people. Wait. So does the Nice one. Just don’t hate blind people, OK?”

Foggy let him finish, a cute little wrinkle in between his eyes. “I’m not ableist,” he replied, slowly. “I have no problem with the differently abled. Please don’t kill me. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now, Matt is a very handsome duck, yes,” he admitted. “Like really handsome. And I’m interested. Very interested.”

Wade leaned forward excitedly. “It’s the hair isn’t it? I mean Charlie Cox is hot as fuck, but Comics!Matt has always been my secret man-crush. I’m thinking this particular fanfic features more of a Mixed Matt, like, Charlie’s adorbs face but with ginger tresses, and of course he’s got that ass in any medium. Because, like, that ass.”

Foggy held up a hand. “Dude, I’m trying to ask for Matt’s number.”

Deadpool pulled out his phone, which was covered in smooshed breakfast burrito. “Dude, why didn’t you just say so? Why do people insist on writing pages filled with useless dialogue? I’m not even that funny.”

________________________

“Unknown number, probably Wade, unknown number, probably Wade– did you pick up my dry cleaning again? I’ve told you hundred times to leave those people alone– ”

“Uh. That sounds like a story.”

Matt blinked. He blinked again. “How did you get this number?”

He could hear Foggy Nelson’s heartbeat speed up over the phone (Wade was fond of testing Matt’s abilities this way, usually with his hand down his pants, which was why Matt kept the length of their phone conversations to thirty seconds or less) and waited for an explanation that didn’t include the words 'dead’ or 'pool’. Alas, Matt was unlucky in life.

“I don’t know why I believed him when he said he would drop this,” Matt grumbled, leaning against his sink. “Listen, Nelson, it’s not that I don’t like you– ”

“No, it’s okay,” Foggy reassured him, though he sounded disappointed. “I get it, and I’m sorry I’m bothering you.”

“You’re not!” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not bothering me. I’m just not dating right now.”

“Bad break up, huh?”

Matt laughed humorlessly. “The worst.”

“Yeah, I lost a real spitfire a couple years ago to corporate law, and then wham! I’m suddenly working for HCB and there goes my high horse. She’s made it her goal in life to destroy me in court every chance she gets. Of which there are now many.”

“Why did you go to work for Hogarth?”

“Turns out owning your own practice is a total bummer. Thank you casseroles from endless pro bono clients are not accepted in lieu of rent money. Who knew.”

Matt smiled despite himself. “Not even enchilada casserole?”

“Not even that.”

There was a comfortable silence, and then Matt took a breath and said, “you know I was going to be a lawyer?”

“No way, Jose!”

He laughed. “Really. I was.”

Foggy laughed too. “How on earth did that go so sideways?”

So Matt told him, and Foggy listened and made all the right jokes and didn’t judge and generally charmed the pants off of him. They talked about law, then breaking the law (as you do), then Wade, then Wade’s hygiene (as you do), and then moved on to old movies, vinyl records, the best place for cannoli, that One Time Tony Stark Crashed Into a Strip Club, and the current health care bill that everyone but Wade was concerned about.

“We should have dinner,” Matt found himself saying during a slight pause in their banter. “I mean yes. I’m saying yes.”

“To dinner? As in, a dinner date?” Foggy sounded hopeful.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “We should do that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They set a time and place; both a bit breathless with excitement. When Matt hung up, he checked the time. It had been 2 hours and 36 minutes since he’d accepted the call. He had talked to Foggy Nelson for 2 hours, and 36 minutes.

When’s the wedding? His inner Wade-voice said.

Matt scoffed and ignored it, but he had a small smile on his face for the rest of the night.

_________________________

His socks were wet again, but this time it had nothing to do with snow. This time it was the Hudson; which Matt had decided to take a dip into (no, not decided, he’d been pushed. Pushed).

“You are dead!” He yelled, water-logged and spitting mad. “Dead!”

Wade only laughed and laughed.

“Um, thanks for the help,” Spider-man said, somewhat dubiously. Behind him, a large Godzilla-looking green reptile lay dead and still partially on fire.

“I wasn’t helping!” Matt growled, boots squelching as he dragged his sore body away from the boardwalk. “I’m a villain, remember?”

“Right.” Spider-man didn’t sound so sure. “You know, Daredevil, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“You sure did,” Wade nodded, slapping Matt on the back of his wet catsuit. Ugh. “He’s not a villain at all! Self-serving? Yeah. Kind of a dick? Sure. But sinister enough for Spidey’s rogues gallery? Nah…wait. Isn’t Stilt-man in there somewhere? I take it all back.“

“I’m not a hero,” Matt hissed.

“Your boyfriend thinks you are! OMG Spidey it’s so cute, he’s dating the embodiment of summer sunshine, Raffi, and kittens playing in little boxes.”

Wade went on to tell the entire story of MattnFoggy, and Spider-man thought it was all very lovely, of course.

“That’s so sweet, DD,” he gushed like a High Schooler. “And now I’m 100% sure you’re just misunderstood.”

“110!” Wade crowed.

“110,” Spider-man nodded.

Later, Matt and Wade trooped back to Matt’s apartment; one exhausted and pensive, while the other remained as hyper and cacophonous as always. Wade was ecstatic about making a new friend, and was going on and on about “Team Red”, but Matt was too distracted to listen.

“Wade,” he said, cutting off his endless stream of nonsense. “Do you think…do you ever wonder about going straight?”

Wade gasped. “Honey, no.”

“I’m serious,” said Matt. “I’m just– I’m just worried for Foggy. I want to be good for him.”

“Listen.” Wade reached out and took Matt by the shoulders, shaking him a little. “You already are good. You’re great. Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes great. So what if you steal stuff? You’re not hurting anybody!”

“Rich people,” Matt pointed out.

“No one cares about the 1%, coal miners, or crybaby white people. You’re a freedom fighter! An enemy of fascist America! I’m proud of you, Matt. And so is Foggy, because that’s who this is really about.”

Which was true. This was about Foggy, and it was becoming a serious hang-up that was threatening the very fabric of their relationship. Something needed to be done, so Matt gathered his courage that night and asked Foggy if he really knew what he was getting into.

“You do know that I’m a villain, right?” He said cautiously. “I’ve been arrested by the Avengers and everything.”

For the first time, Matt was feeling somewhat ashamed of this, rather than just indifferent or irritated.

“Psh,” Foggy replied, holding Matt’s hand. They were intertwined on Matt’s couch, which seemed to be their habit these days. “Who needs those guys? Not me. Plus I like you just the way you are, and I know it’s cheesy, but you’ve stolen my heart.”

Matt smiled shyly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Foggy leaned in and kissed the top of his head and squeezed his shoulders. Matt melted. “But you know what, Matty? I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. I think you’re great, and it doesn’t really matter that you steal stuff, unless you’re caught and go to prison, which would suck. But even then I would stick by you. I’d be your legal representation.”

“That’s practically a proposal.” He grinned and sat up and stared in the general direction of his boyfriend. He felt warm and cared for, and the pure, overwhelming affection he had for this man prompted him to say, “Foggy Nelson, will you be my legal representation?”

“I will.” Foggy’s heart didn’t lie. “Forever and always.”

And Matt practically threw himself at Foggy, hugging him tight. “You know what, Foggy?” said Matt, kissing his cheek. “You’re the best thing I ever stole.”

[rapturesxsilliestxfool]

Really Long Character Survey

RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog !    tag 10 ! good  luck !

Tagged by: @sanctamater

Tagging: idk if you have some time to kill/are procrastinating, you can say I tagged you. This is really long. It’s good procrastination material.

BASICS. FULL  NAME : Diane Louise McClintock NICKNAME :  Miss/Ms. McClintock (does that count??) AGE : 28 when she dies BIRTHDAY :   23rd June ETHNIC  GROUP : Caucasian NATIONALITY :  American LANGUAGE / S : English, some basic French from holidays in Paris SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Heterosexual. tbh though I’m not sure if that’s a definite thing, or it’s just because of the time/way she was raised. She might be a lil bit bi. idk. She doesn’t know either tbh. ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  Heteroromantic, but see above. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Taken. Unmarried. Engaged sometimes, verse dependent. CLASS : Upper middle class on the surface. Very near the top in Rapture once she becomes Ryan’s official girlfriend. And then during the civil war, way down near the bottom of the class system, can just about afford a flat after selling her jewellery. It’s quite a shock for her because she’s never really been poor before. HOME  TOWN / AREA :  San Francisco. CURRENT  HOME : Rapture. Various places, verse/time dependent. PROFESSION : Baker (although mostly she worked the counter- she did little baking in practice); girlfriend of Andrew Ryan

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Blonde. Curly, but only because she puts it up in rollers before bed. Sometimes she does little victory rolls at the front, but not every day. It depends how she feels that morning. EYES : Greeny-blue. Little flecks of brown, if you’re up close enough to see them. Thick black lashes (is it mascara? if it is, she’s not telling a soul.)

NOSE : Quite thin and elegant, as far as noses go. Turns up a little at the end. FACE :  Classic oval face-shape, with a delicate chin. Rounded cheeks, which she furiously tries to hide by using make-up to enhance her cheekbones. But she still has cute lil cheeks. LIPS :   Always wearing lipstick. Red is her favourite, followed by a soft coral pink. But red is definitely her usual colour. Only time she is not wearing lipstick is when she goes to bed, but she slathers her lips in lipbalm before she sleeps so that her lipstick won’t dry them out. COMPLEXION : Fairly pale on the surface, although she is the sort who tans a little in the sun. Just a little. In Rapture, obviously she’s hella pale she’s on the bottom of the ocean. BLEMISHES :  She has a few freckles, which she hides with make-up. SCARS : well. if the civil war has started, she has a pretty major scar because she was caught in an explosion at her favourite restaurant and had to undergo extensive surgery to fix it. She is never happy with her face anyway, but especially after this. TATTOOS : None HEIGHT : 5 ft 1 inch. The one inch is important to her. WEIGHT : healthy. Diane is soft, soft, soft. She has a nice shape to her- not quite an hourglass, her hips are too wide in proportion to her shoulders/chest for that- and is soft. I can’t think how else to describe it. You cannot see her ribs at all. She is a good weight. BUILD :    shit i just described this in the weight bit FEATURES : She has rosy cheeks when she’s been outside on a day that’s anything even remotely resembling breezy. And she has a smile that can be beautiful, could charm nations, yet it’s heartbreaking when it’s paired with tears in her eyes. ALLERGIES :  Mint. It gives her a rash. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  Roller-curls USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  A basic coat of foundation to hide all the things she doesn’t want the world to know about, red lipstick, mascara. Eyebrows are shaped and maintained well. USUAL  CLOTHING : She favours skirt/blouse combos, but wears dresses to events.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Being abandoned; dying alone; not being enough ASPIRATION / S : Diane is pretty sure she wants to marry a nice man and have kids, and then raise those kids and become a housewife/stay-at-home mum. POSITIVE  TRAITS : Loyal, dedicated, precise. She has, at the end of the day, a good heart and a strong moral compass. NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Fiery temper, judgemental, unlikely to question authority  MBTI : ESFJ ZODIAC :   Cancer  TEMPERAMENT :  Melancholic but with a close side-order of choleric SOUL  TYPE / S :   The Performer ANIMALS :  Wildcat VICE  HABIT / S :   Wrinkles her nose; taps her nails against surfaces FAITH : lowkey Catholic. She was raised in a Catholic family, but has never been especially religious personally, and it all stopped being important to her when she moved to Rapture. GHOSTS ? : Yes AFTERLIFE ? : Yes, although after she joins Atlas, Diane struggles a little with the concept of Heaven/Hell and Good/Evil. REINCARNATION ? : No. ALIENS ? : tbh I can’t see her being surprised if presented with concrete proof of aliens, but she’s likely to laugh and ask if you’re crazy if you bring it up, just because she thinks that’s how a lady should act. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  Pre-Civil war, she’s not really political at all. Whatever her boyfriend thinks best, she’ll go with. Post-Atlas, she thinks for herself more, and is drawn towards the left side of centre. She’s spent several years dating Andrew Ryan though, so she’s never going to be far, far left. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : Diane has always (pre-fall) been pretty well-off, so she definitely has a preference for that lifestyle and those people most of her life. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : In Rapture, once she starts seeing Ryan she’s basically at the tippity-top of society. EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Diane dropped out of high school at sixteen, as she had a stable boyfriend (Dr Mattie Richards, the reason my Diane even ended up in Rapture) and so if she was destined to be a good and dutiful wife for him, there wasn’t much more she could learn at school that would be of use (in her opinion).

FAMILY. FATHER :   Robert (Bobbie) McClintock MOTHER : Alice McClintock nee Laurent SIBLINGS : N/A EXTENDED  FAMILY : Her mother is French, and Diane’s grandparents and aunt still live there. This is why Diane spent a lot of time in Paris as a child, and why she has a basic grasp of the French language. NAME  MEANING / S : Diane- French form of Diana, meaning “heavenly, divine”; Roman goddess of the moon, hunting, forests and childbirth / Louise- French feminine form of Louis, which in turn stems from the German Ludwig meaning “famous war/battle” / McClintock- Anglicised form of the Gaelic Mac Gille Fhionndaig (Scottish) or Mac Giolla Fhionntóg (Irish)  meaning “Son of the Servant of Saint Finndag” HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :  Uhhhh not really... I do like to think of Diane as the sort of woman who is in the background, though. She isn’t going to go down in history, and if she does it will be simply as “wife of *this dude*”. But she contributes so much to the world and gives everything her all, and I think a lot of women throughout history have been Dianes in that respect.

FAVOURITES. BOOK :    Jamaica Inn- Daphne du Maurier. It’s enough of a romance that Diane can be seen reading it without feeling too self-conscious, but at the same time it’s hardly a romance at all? MOVIE : Singin’ in the Rain. Diane can’t really dance, and her singing is nothing spectacular, but when she feels down, it’s this movie she turns to. 5  SONGS : Are you kidding 5?? I am too young to know 5 50s songs that my daughter would enjoy!! ok. um. I’m going to cheat and use my above answer, and say the Singin’ in the Rain soundtrack. Especially You Were Meant for Me, which she just feels is so romantic gosh. DEITY :  There is only one god in Catholicism. HOLIDAY :   Valentines. Diane would be the sort to use it as an excuse to spoil her partner. Think an expensive restaurant booking, a new dinner suit laid out on the bed for them, a card sent to their office, a special effort to wear a dress their favourite colour that evening, etc. Diane loves being spoilt, but she also loves spoiling others. MONTH :  June SEASON :  Summer PLACE :   Her Auntie Estelle’s house in Paris, on the white-painted iron bench that sat in her garden by the fishpond. WEATHER : Sun, sun, sun! SOUND : The door opening and her partner coming home; the easy chatter of a crowd on a busy shopping street; music that can take her to another place if she closes her eyes and lets it; the click of heels against a hard floor; the pop of a lid being replaced on a tube of lipstick SCENT / S :   Rosewater; expensive perfume that smells of flowers and fruits; moisturising creams; hair product- hairspray and mousse; the strong smell of nail polish in an enclosed space TASTE / S :   lipstick accidentally painted on teeth before it’s noticed and rectified; strawberries- in cake, as a flavouring in lipsticks, in drinks, just by themselves, with cream; fruity little drinks that smell sweet and taste sweeter FEEL / S : A hand in hers, squeezing just enough to let her know that its there and attached to someone who cares; a brush running through freshly unrolled hair in the morning, separating out the curls; taking off a pair of particularly restrictive shoes and feeling her feet find themselves again ANIMAL / S : Birds, particularly canaries and doves. NUMBER : Nineteen- the age her mother was when she married her father. Diane is secretly disappointed that she’s now older than this and unmarried herself. COLOUR :   Coral pink; pastel colours.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Hair and make-up; acting stupid; cheering other people up when they are down BAD  AT : Cooking anything resembling a meal; self-confidence; trusting partners- she’s been cheated on before, and part of her still sees that as her fault. She can’t help but expect it to happen again. TURN  ONS :  Formal wear; dark hair; cleanliness; manners TURN  OFFS :   Bad manners; an unkempt appearance HOBBIES : Reading romance novels (/science, secretly); sewing (this comes in useful post-Atlas, as it means she can patch up her dresses when they get torn); planning events TROPES :  Break the Cutie ; Horrible Judge of Character ; Heroic Self-deprecation ; Always Second Best ; I Just Want to be Beautiful ; Took a Level in Badass  AESTHETIC  TAGS :  dresses/skirts that do the thing when you spin; bright, bold lipstick colours; dainty heels- especially ones with bows; bows in general tbh GPOY  QUOTES :  “Chin up, princess, or the crown slips.” - I have no idea where, I saw it somewhere once and it just fits her.

FC INFO. MAIN  FC / S : Amber Heard ALT  FC / S : Emilie du Ravin OLDER  FC / S :   N/A YOUNGER  FC / S : N/A VOICE  CLAIM / S : Miriam Shor GENDERBENT  FC / S :  N/A

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?          A1 : I think I’d just call it Diane, or maybe Miss McClintock, because minimalist titles are cool. It’d follow Diane through from her arrival in Rapture up to her death. The first part, where she is still naive and innocent, would be all in bright colours and beautiful dresses and sparkles. The accident would trigger a colour change, and suddenly the world would look a lot darker- because Diane’s worldview is a lot darker from that point. I want to be super cheesy and say that whenever Atlas is onscreen, though, the colour returns- just a little- to symbolise the hope she feels. idk. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?          A2 : Ummmmmmm... I want to say jazzy? Classy jazzy? idk. Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?          A3 : I played Bioshock 1 and 2, and wanted to write something somehow because I felt so many feelings (goddamn games making me feel shit) but didn’t have any solid ideas for a fanfic. Indie rp was something I’d been considering for a while, so I figured what they hey, and picked Diane because she’s so... interesting, and great. Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?          A4: I think it’s this idea that Diane doesn’t really influence Rapture’s fate, she isn’t one of the people that does science, or business, or whatever. Yet at the same time, she matters. She gets upset and she cries and she loves and she hates and she’s so incredibly human, and I love that about her. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.          A5 : She’s a bit more impulsive than me, and a bit more blunt, so that makes her kind of hard to write sometimes. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?          A6 : I, too, need to be wearing bright lipstick in order to feel even remotely confident. Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?          A7 : uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... idk.... She’d probably be happy that I’m quite career-driven and chasing my dreams, whilst at the same time be like gurl why are you single, let me introduce you to this guy... Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?        A8 :  Andrew Ryan (duh.), Atlas/Frank Fontaine, Jasmine Jolene, Alex @thegirlfallsfromthesky. She actually has very few friends. Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :  My pinterest tbh. or Bioshock, in general. I see a Bioshock reference somewhere and think my daughter. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?          A10 : idk don’t mock me I did this in chunks.