#i scared my dogs. my cat. alexa

[seokmattchuus]

Also, as tumblr's token matthew stan (I'm probably talking out my ass here, but I've seen zero bp blogs so idk), can we appreciate his potential to be lead vocal?? My baby was popping o f f in love killa 😭

[flowxrtimmy]

Through The Storm (n.h.)

when it’s your first thunderstorm in your new house, single dad Niall comes by to check on you, and you end up getting to know each other a lot more than anticipated.

You’ve thought about this for what seemed like forever, finally being on your own and living in your own house. It wasn’t too big, but not too small, and was located in a decent neighborhood, not too far from downtown. You didn’t even need your parent’s help, you’ve been saving so much since you started working as a registered dietician at a nearby nursing home, and made a serious commitment to stop eating out and spending unnecessary money, and with a strict budget you were finally able to get out of your crappy apartment and into an actual house. Plus, you were also closer to work with this new place, so that would help ease up on gas money. However, that wasn’t even the best part. Your neighbor was really friendly. His name is Niall, and he has a 4 year old son, Andrew, who was the cutest kid you’ve ever seen. Niall, though, was so fucking hot, there was no other way to say it. He was fit, always smelled amazing, always dressed nice, and if he looked that hot while being presentable, you could only imagine what he looked like just rolling out of bed. In fact, that’s what you imagined most nights before going to sleep. Him laying next to you, in just his underwear and a shirt, his hands running all over your body, it may have caused the habit of you reaching for a toy before going to sleep, but he didn’t need to know that.

Currently, you were sitting on your couch, trying to catch up on SVU when you heard a large thunder clap boom, scaring you out of your spot. A storm?! How? Your Alexa didn’t warn you, and upon checking your phone, there weren’t any notifications from your three different weather apps. How could it just appear like that? You looked out the window, and noticed it was indeed very dark out. You took a deep breath, and tried to focus on the show. Usually, storms didn’t bother you, but this was your first storm while living alone. At the apartment, there was always someone to go to, you did have pretty decent neighbors, but now it was just you. You could hear the rain start to come down, and with the sky lit up with lighting, followed by loud roars of thunder. You whimpered to yourself, standing up when the lights began to flicker before finally going out.

You tried to stay calm, making a mental note to not open the fridge, and went to your kitchen, grabbing your lighter and lighting the candle on the kitchen table, then walking to the living room and lighting the one in there as well. You winced at another loud clap of thunder, sitting back down on the couch, setting the lighter on the small coffee table in front of you. You could get through this, it was just a spring storm, everything would be okay. Having calmed yourself down a bit, you sat back on the couch, listening to the rain. However, that didn’t last long when a knock sounded at the door, making you jump. Oh my god, you thought to yourself, someone’s about to kill me. Despite your inner thoughts, you stood and slowly crept to the window, peeking out to see Niall on your front steps. You let out a sigh of relief and quickly walked to the door, opening it. “Niall! It’s raining cats and dogs out there!” You said with a relieved laugh, stepping aside to let him in.

“Hey, love! You can say that again.” He steps in, taking his shoes off, which had gotten almost soaked during his short walk over to your place. “Man, didn’t even see this one coming.” He said as you shut the door behind him.

“That’s what I was thinking, no warnings or anything. Can I get you anything? I can’t open the fridge, but I have water bottles that I haven’t put away yet.” This was your first time having any kind of company, and you felt bad that you couldn’t be a proper host.

“Oh no lass, I’m alright, but thank you.” He smiled at you. “Just wanted to come by and check on you, Andrew is at his mom’s right now, and I know this is the first big storm since you moved in.”

Your heart fluttered, he was concerned about you, and braved the storm to make sure you were okay. “That’s so sweet of you, you must be cold!” You grabbed a blanket from your couch, wrapping it around him. “Please, have a seat!”

“Well of course, honestly it gets pretty lonely without Andrew as well, also you’re too sweet.” He smiled as you led him to the couch, the two of you sitting down. It was still somewhat light enough that you could see where you were going, but that wouldn’t last long. “The first big storm of the season, actually.”

The fact that he admitted that he gets lonely hurts your heart, and you’re glad he decided to come over. “Oh yeah? Well I’m grateful you wanted to come over just to make sure I was okay, it means a lot to me.” It really did, you had relaxed now that he was here, and you definitely felt safer.

“Of course, but uh, that’s actually not the only reason that I came by.”

You looked at him curiously, raising a brow. “Oh? Well, what else can I do for you?”

“Well, I was just curious, how old are ya, lass?”

You blushed a bit at the nickname he’s called you twice now, but smiled. “I’m 23, 24 next month.”

“Oh, so not much younger than me, I just turned 30 in September.”

He was only 30?! You were surprised, not that he looks old or anything, but damn he was actually somewhat close to your age. “Oh wow, yeah only 6 years older, not too horrible.” You felt a lot more confident now, and you were itching to make a move, and you had a feeling that he wanted to do the same. “So, no electricity, just us and these candles.” You set a hand on his knee, not taking the time to think about it, you just wanted to take action.

He glanced at his knee then up at you. “You’re right, it is only us, and it seems like we have the same idea.” Without another word, he pulled you to him, crashing his lips against yours. You kissed him back as he set his hands on your lower back, you wrapping your arms around his neck as you two kissed. The thunder roared as Niall gently pulled back, looking up at you. “I’m sorry, I had-”

You didn’t let him finish, and kissed him again. He kissed back, his hands running down to the hem of your shirt. You pulled back, raising your arms up as he pulled it up, and tossing it aside once it was off. “Fuck, I’ve thought about this for so long, Niall.” You moved to the floor, smiling up at him. “Just, on the floor is how I’ve been imagining it.”

He looked down at you with a smirk, and chuckled. “That sounds like a great idea.” He pulled his own shirt off before joining you on the floor, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. “God, you look so fucking good right now, and we don’t even have everything off yet, petal.” He ran his hands up your back, unclipping your bra, and pulling it off in one fluid motion. His eyes went wide and he smiled, gently laying you back and leaning in, taking one of your nipples in his mouth, gently teasing it with his tongue.

Fuck, he knew what he was doing, and it only made you feel like you had to tell him the truth before things went any further. “Ni, hold on a sec.” You watched as he pulled his head back, looking at you with concern.

“What’s wrong, petal? You’re comfortable, right?”

“Oh absolutely, trust me you’d know if I wasn’t.” You took a breath. “This is just my first time doing anything sexual.” It was true, throughout college you did go to parties and such, but never went home with anybody or anything like that, and honestly, you hadn’t felt like you were ready. However, you felt something different with Niall since the day you met him, and deep down you knew that you wanted him as your first time, it was only just now becoming real.

He was quiet for a moment, then smiled. “So I’m your first time for like, anything?”

You nodded. “Yeah, but like, I’ve used toys before, if that counts” You let out a light laugh.

“Yeh, toys can help you adjust to having something inside you, but I’ll still be super gentle, and we don’t even have to do that, we can start light with fingering to get things going, how’s that sound?” He gently set his hands on your breasts, smiling down at you.

You thought about it for a moment, and smiled. “Yeah, that would be great, actually.” You loved that he was willing to help get you comfortable with everything, you had no reason to worry about him not wanting someone inexperienced.

Giving your breasts a gentle squeeze, he nodded. “You’re in good hands, lass.” He ran his hands down your sides, pulling your sweats down along with your panties, pulling them off your legs and setting them on the couch.

“You gotta catch up, Ni.” You joked while sitting up, undoing his button on his pants before pulling them down his legs, smiling at his red briefs as he helped you pull his pants off. You hooked your fingers around the waistband before pulling his briefs down, his erection now in full view, and the first time you’ve ever seen one in person. You let him take over getting his underwear off as you looked at his dick, shocked. “Woah.”

He smirked, stroking it once his hands were free. “Glad ya like it, petal. Now lay back, yeah?”

You obeyed, laying back on the carpet, bending your knees, watching as Niall gently opened your legs. “I’m excited, Ni.”

“Good, you should be, m’gonna make you feel so good, lass.” He looked around before looking at you. “Wouldn’t happen to have lube, would ya?”

“Um, I might have to check, it’s been a minute since I’ve used it on myself.” You blushed as you admitted your toy use. You stood up, smiling down at him. “I’ll be right back, unless you want to come with me?”

“I’ll be right here, love.” He said with a smile. If he was being honest, he liked the idea of having sex by candlelight on your living room floor, and feared that going with you would have the opportunity to change locations. As you checked your bedroom for the lube, he looked around your living room, and smiled. It was starting to grow darker outside and the room was lit by the candles. He felt a very romantic vibe, and was so excited to be the first one to give you this experience.

You walked back in with the lube in your hand, holding it up triumphantly. “Got it!” You sat back on the floor, handing it to him with a smile. “I’m kind of nervous, but I’m definitely ready.”

He gently laid you back with a chuckle, leaning down and pressing a kiss against your forehead. “I promise you’re in good hands, just relax, lass.” He opened your legs again, gently rubbing your inner thighs. “You have such a pretty pussy, y’know that?” He opened the lube, squeezing some out onto his fingers. “Take a deep breath, petal.”

You obeyed, taking a deep breath, but you tensed up a bit when you felt him gently insert a finger. “Sorry, Ni.” You took another breath, relaxing on your exhale as he began to push it in and out slowly.

“S’alright petal, just relax.” He slowly picked up the pace, moving his finger back and forth. “You’re doing so well, such a good lass, aren’t ya?” He asked, slowly inserting another finger.

“I am, Niall. So good for you.” You rested your head on the floor, letting out a soft moan as he rocked his two fingers back and forth, and you couldn’t believe that this is what you’ve been missing out on. “Fuck, faster please?” You asked, wanting to stay polite while also getting him to pick up the pace.

“Atta girl, asking nicely.” He picked up the pace, smirking down at you. “Glad you’re enjoyin’, petal.”

You could feel your orgasm building up, and you knew it wouldn’t be much longer. “I think I’m close, Ni.’ Once you said that, he pulled his fingers out, causing you to let out a soft whine at the emptiness. “Ni?” You ask, looking up at him with confusion to see him stroking his dick.

“Don’t worry petal, just getting ready, lay back down,” He set a hand on your shoulder, gently pushing you back into a lying position. “I don’t have a condom, but don’t worry, I’ll be sure to pull out, sound good?”

“Yeah, I like that idea. I’m so ready for you, Niall.” You shut your eyes again as he lined up with your entrance, slowly pushing in. You went to tense up, but remembered that it wouldn’t help. You let out a gasp when he pushed in, and he stopped for a moment, looking down at you with concern. It took you a minute to adjust to his size, but you eventually gave him an approving nod, and he began to move again.

“Fuck petal, yer so fuckin’ tight, you sure you’re okay?” He asked as he picked up one of his hands, using it to run his fingers through your hair. Once you nodded, he smiled. “Alright lass, I’m only gonna go half, make it a bit more comfortable for ya, is that alright?’

You thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably best, it’s okay with me.” You loved that he was so open with communication, it showed you that he truly did have your best interest in mind, and that he wanted to make you as comfortable as possible. Once he was in, he gave you a nod.

“Alright petal, tell me when you’re ready.”

You took a few moments to adjust to his size before nodding. “I’m ready, Ni.”

With that, he started gently thrusting in, pulling back, and thrusting in again. A mix of pain and pleasure coursed through your body as you laid your head back on the carpet, looking at the glow on the ceiling from the candles. By now, the sun was mostly down, and the street was dark from the outage. The only thing lighting this session was the soft glow of candlelight, and you thought that was sexy as well. “Can you please speed up a bit?” You asked, shutting your eyes and letting out a moan when he did just that. You weren’t expecting it, you thought he was going to say something first. “Fuck, just like that, Ni!” You brought your arms up, setting your hands on his back as he pumped into you, looking at him and not breaking eye contact. God, he looked so fucking beautiful like this. You couldn’t help but set a hand on the back of his head,and pulled him in for a kiss while he kept thrusting. As you kissed, you could feel your orgasm building once more, and you broke the kiss. “I’m close again, Ni.”

“So am I baby, let go, I want you to cum on my dick.” He kissed your neck, picking up the pace just a tad.

The slight change of speed was enough to send you over the edge, and pleasure waved through your body as you hit your high, finishing all over his dick. You heard him let out a loud moan, followed by a loud “fuck!”, and he quickly pulled out, adjusting himself so his dick was over your chest, groaning as the cum shot out, covering your breasts and chest. It was hot to watch him spilling out onto you, you would definitely remember it.

As you both came down from your highs, you looked at Niall with a smile. “That was so good, Ni. I loved every second.”

He smiled down at you before laying on the floor next to you. “Glad you enjoyed it, lass. Do you want to go clean yourself up, or do you want to maybe taste it?”

You shook your head. “No, I want the first time I taste you to be from sucking you off, so why don’t I go clean up, and we can try some other things?”

Niall’s eyes lit up, and he nodded. “Yes, absolutely! Go on, petal, why don’t I come with you this time and you can show me the bedroom?”

Hearing that made you excited, and you stood up, pulling him up with you. “I think that’s a great idea.” You quickly blew out the lit candles before grabbing a flashlight and leading Niall to your bedroom.

You weren’t afraid of thunderstorms anymore.

A/N: hi everyone! Currently in the middle of a 24 hour readathon, but taking a break to post this for yall! please enjoy, i love the single dad aspect hehe.

all the love x

[themoonandthedogstar]

my official intro post — my ao3

I have a name but for internet safety reasons (and a horrendous digital footprint) just call me D. I’m a minor so if you don’t want me interacting with your shit block me idc. I live in a small,stupid city in the middle of England (horrific ik)

Literally all I do all day is read, write, listen to music, scroll on my phone and annoy the shit out of my pets

Some things I like:

music- Taylor Swift, Boygenius, Phoebe Bridgers, Alexa Valentino, Beyoncé, Rihanna, Sam Smith, Conan Gray, Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Ethel Cain, Lana Del Rey, Queen, David Bowie, Nirvana, ABBA

shows/movies- shameless (duh), gilmore girls, little women, bojack horseman, harry potter, twilight, izombie, fear street, the tvdu, skins, brooklynn99, miranda, bad education, dead poets society

books- loveless, the virgin suicides, the song of achilles, ways to live forever, if this gets out, girl interrupted, stone cold, and many more i can’t think of

this is supposed to be a fandom blog so here are the few fandoms i post abt:

shameless, marauders, harry potter (fuck jkr tho), dead poets society, bridgerton and whatever im hyperfixated on next

also if i’ve dm’d you or you’ve dm’d me and i ghosted you pls don’t take it personally i get scared and overthink the reply and forget to actually reply so 💀💀 but i’m working on trying not to so feel free to dm me cause yeah 😻

also i love all my followers and mutuals you guys are all so cool ily<3333

oh and here are my pets (my dogs called lexi and my cats called star)

[sashi-ya]

𝑥𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡; 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡, ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑦 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐚 𝐇𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 ⋆˙⊹ kyoraku shunsui x f! reader

request: @the-witch-of-one-piece Hello my love!!!! Happy holidays!! I hope your having such a wonderful holiday babes!!! If I can please request the prompt I want a hippopotamus for Christmas with shunsui x fem reader sfw please!!! Thank you so much mi amor! Love you !!!! 💜 |tw: none. based on the song "i want a hippopotamus for christmas. I'm sure Shunsui would have a daughter so the kid is a female | wc: 819 | masterlist | taglist: @zella07 @jin-supremacy01 @stygianoir @alexkanroji |

“What do you think she meant?” you ask, showing your husband your little daughter’s messy Santa letter. “That exactly. She wants a hippopotamus for Christmas” Shunsui says, laughing as he drinks his morning coffee.

You laugh with him, flipping some pancakes. And he continued laughing until total silence, something that for you felt a little weird…

You turn around all of a sudden, narrowing your eyes at him while he scrolls on his phone. “Shunsui Sozosuke Jiro Kyoraku you are not buying her a hippopotamus”.

The man with tied long hair and sharp features rolls his eyes. “Fiiiine….” he grunts, leaving the phone over the table to take another sip of his coffee as you go back to the pancake flipping.

“Alexa… where can I get a hippo?” he suddenly whispers to the little device over the counter. “SHUNSUI!” you scold him, trying to repress your laughter. It’s crazy how much this man loves his daughter. Where is he planning to put that animal, after all?

Of course the conversation had to be cut short, since your baby daughter come down the stairs with still sleepy eyes but driven by the smell of momma’s breakfast.

“Good morning my sleeping beauty” Shunsui salutes her, as she sits her on his lap. “Mworning daddy” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes to shake the sleepiness away.

You hide the letter from her, since none of you should read it but Santa. And bring her fave food to the table. As you sit, and kiss her forehead you think about ways of asking if she actually meant a real hippo or maybe just a toy that looks like it.

“So, (----)… what did you ask Santa this year?” you inquire her, as Shunsui helps her cut the pancakes with care.

“A hippo, mommy” she says, proud with one of her cheeks stuffed.

Shunsui laughs loudly, looking at you with that classic “told you” smirk. “A real hippo? Not a cat, nor a dog?”

The kid turns around to look at his father, using her two tiny hands to grab his face. “Pappa, I don’t want a cat, nor a dog nor a tyrannosaurus rex. Only a hippo will do” she says, assuring it.

“We will see if Santa can bring you one. You know, those live in Africa and are pretty heavy for him to carry. Plus, do you think a hippo will be able to pass through our chimney?” he says, tucking one of her curls behind her ear.

She takes a few minutes to process the information, and ultimately she arrives at a conclusion; “Just let the front door open, daddy. It can fit right through it”.

“Honey, a hippo will eat you up alive!” you tell her, trying to scare her… but the kid is way more intelligent than you thought.

And as she jumps from her daddy’s lap she comes closer to you. “Aunt Nanao told me those are vegetarian”.

Shunsui covers his face, he is so weak for his tiny little bundle of joy. “My my, little one… we will see what Santa has in mind for you then. You should be really nice if you want him to bring you such a gift!” he says, looking at you with a soft look that shows he has something in mind.

And because there is nothing he wouldn’t do for his daughter, he quickly solved it with his best friend that same night…

After tucking their baby, and waiting for her to finally fall asleep, Shunsui pulls you closer in bed. The book you were reading ends up on the floor, but you don’t care.

“Honey, do you know about (….)’s gift? Ukitake has given me the best idea!” he says, snuggling you against his wide chest.

You widen your eyes, surely you care about your daughter’s gift, but, you had forgotten for the rest of the day. “Oh yeah? What do you and your soul sister have in mind” you tease him. You know very well how much those two love each other and how many years they’ve been together like brothers.

“He- you- come on! (Name)-chan!” he protests, but he continues. “So, he told me about a special day at the Zoo. You know they have hippos there, right? It’s more or less like a sanctuary where they are recovered and ultimately sent back to Africa”.

You smile, kindly. That’s beautiful and kind and it would probably fit your baby’s desires very well.

“So, I thought… we can give her a little invitation letter on Christmas morning. As if the hippos were inviting her to visit them and because they have to go back to their home they cannot come here. What do you think? Giving her the whole fantasy and experience? She would also learn something about animals and their habitats!” he chimes, excited.

“Shunsui… you are the best father a kid could ever ask for…” 💖 ~

[cascade05]

BNHA Characters As Things I've Said Part 3

Part 1 • Part 2

Small note, everything a rando is saying is not something I've said.

—

Bakugo : You're stupid.

Bakugo : That's right, pout.

Note : I said this to a dog but Bakugo would probably say it to anyone.

—

Eri : Look at my freaking cat's butt.

Eri : Touch it for strength.

Note : Most likely Aizawa's cat.

—

Midoriya : I don't have braces anymore. Now what? Braces were part of my character design.

Rando : What?

—

Rando : Small world isn't it?

Aizawa : No.

—

Bakugo : I'm allergic to kindness.

—

Jiro to Kaminari probably : Speak your words.

—

Kaminari : I like that song.

Kaminari : I like that song real good.

—

Kirishima : He was trying to show off but it didn't happen, so that's funny.

—

Shigiraki : Shut up. No one likes laughter.

Shigiraki : Laughter is disgusting.

—

Bakugo : Just sit there in your sad, miserable existence.

Rando : I'm not sad, I'm watching Markiplier play Among Us.

Bakugo : Markiplier is a lie.

—

Todoroki : Betty White's dead.

Todoroki : She looks like a gravestone.

Note : I love Betty White, she was great.

—

Alexa : *Starts talking randomly for the millionth time*

Uraraka : Alexa shut up. You're stupid and no one cares about your opinion.

Note : I headcannon Uraraka hates Alexa. It's like a rivalry.

—

Rando : What would you do if I—

Dabi : Nothing.

Rando : What? But I didn't even—

Dabi : Nothing because I don't care.

—

Kaminari : Butt is no longer funny, anus is.

Kaminari : See.

Kaminari : I've grown.

—

Mina : Jeez, you scared the tits outta me.

—

Bakugo : I identify as not to be trifled with.

—

Rando : *Slaps him really hard*

Todoroki : *Unaffected and uncaring* Thank you.

—

Kaminari : Kiwi? More like kiwaii *excessive laughter*

Note : It's pronounced : Key-why-E A cute kiwi.

—

Jiro : *Sarcastically* In my defense, Ben and been sound kinda similar.

—

Rando : Are you having a good time?

Kirishima to his dog : I thought she was talking to me and I was like, ‟I'm sitting in a chair doing nothing, soo...

Kirishima : Yeah.‟

—

Bakugo : You do you.

Bakugo : I'm still gonna insult you though, when I think of good ones.

—

Mina or Kaminari : What in the nicknack pattywack ballsack are you talking about?

—

Shinso : Cat, you just need to understand that you cannot get food whenever you're hungry.

Shinso : You're not a human being, you don't get fat privileges.

—

Rando : This actually hurts me—

Bakugo : Then be hurt.

—

Rando on TV : America runs on Dunkn'!

Jiro : No it doesn't.

Jiro : America doesn't run.

—

Aizawa who probably had ten shots of expresso : I am existing in a different plane of existence.

—

Bakugo : Glad you told me so I can do nothing about it.

—

Kaminari : I'm not stupid, just mentally incapable.

—

Aoyama : I don't need others to recognize me because I know my worth and it's priceless.

Rando : You're worth nothing.

Aoyama : *Unfazed* Priceless.

—

Rando : Don't kick me!

Monoma : I didn't. I hit you with me shoe and my foot just happened to be inside of it.

—

Bakugo : I refuse.

Rando : You can't refuse it's—

Bakugo : Yet here I stand, refusing.

[dredgenshrike-defunct]

❁ - Wearing a top that’s too big for them, showing off their collarbone / shoulders (core and orion)

Orion had seen many, many cute things in his years. Cats- especially Alexa, stray dogs that he'd had to tear himself away from taking home (or failed to tear himself away from, in Banjo's case), little warbeasts that weren't trying to kill him- but none such as cute as Core was in his shirt's.

The difference in muscle, and height made it a lot bigger on them than on him- the fabric draping off from their shoulders, showing off their collarbones. It was cute- yes, Orion throught so tenfold, however....

He couldn't deny the amount of skin was flustering him just a little bit.

He came up behind them slowly as they cooked- his own darkness humming in the same way he'd done since the start of their relationship as to not scare them. He hesitated for a moment- hands pulling back a little from their midway before he finally reached out to hug them fully. He set his head in their shoulder, hiding the darker blush that came up.

"You should wear my shirts more often," he eventually suggested, running his hand uo their side from their waist. "You look really nice in them and all, and besides..." He paused, a little nervous as he pressed a kiss to their neck, leaving a mark purely of his darkness. "I think you could do with more of these."

[a-spoonful-of-pain]

👋 I'm Al. A disabled, bit sweary, very wordy, wheelchair using, true crime binge-watching, cat lover who has a heated blanket and two hot water bottles on at all times. 👩🏼‍🦼 I'm passionate about disability rights, and raising awareness of ableism. ☕ I still believe the Wii-U is the best gaming console out there and I can't function without several cups of tea. ☀️I hate daylight but am scared of the dark and my Alexa knows a worrying amount about me. 😈 I get angry quick when it comes to any kind of inequality, and I sometimes find it difficult to understand another person's side of the story if it's something I'm passionate about (even if that thing is that cats are better than dogs (🐈rule)). 💬 I'm diagnosed with sooo many different conditions that I'll probably have to write a whole new post on it, when I'm ready. But the main gist is that my body and my brain don't really like chatting to eachother. 📺 I find a lot of joy in cleaning, DIY, cats, organised spaces and The Big Bang Theory (I sobbed SO hard when it ended that I actually woke my then-boyfriend up). 🤠 I love country music but hate the country side, I own too many jackets, and I'm running out of things to say! ❓ I'm currently still trying to figure out life, and I guess we never stop doing that. I'm learning a new way of life that works for me since a massive health decline has left me bed-bound. 💙 Leave a comment telling me about you! Let's see if you all have things in common! ID in Comments https://www.instagram.com/p/COqL_GrDcwb/?utm_medium=tumblr

[wanderingsoul]

questions to ask yourself before the new year except its february and we’re in a pandemic

what is one small way you can become a better person? for others? for yourself?

i can become a better person by addressing the trauma that i carry, and addressing it, and learning to cope with it better. i can be a better friend, parter, daughter and sister by leaning into the parts of myself that are broken and taking the time to pursue healing in meaningful ways. i can become a better person by taking responsibility for my growth and healing and actively work towards a more healed, wholesome version of myself. 

what are you holding onto currently that is no longer serving you? why are you holding on? what’s one small step you can take towards releasing it?

i am holding on to the idea that i can fix those around me. being in a partnership/friendship with someone that openly expresses brokenness pulls on the need inside of me to fix things, and fix her. except thats not how people work, and thats not how healthy relationships work. i am holding on to this because for a long time, and sometimes i think to this day, i have been the glue for so many people. i am the common denominator, i am the steady, i am the savior. and being with alexa is a challenge because i have to be fully present, and wanting to support, with the very present knowledge that i can do absolutely nothing to make her feel better, and i might get my feelings hurt if i try. 

goal for the new year that excites me? goal that scares me?

the goal that excites me the most this year is buying a house. it feels like another piece in the puzzle of the ever-elusive “perfect life”. having a house, two cats and a garden is a dream that i am so desperately hoping becomes a reality this year. 

a goal that scares me is getting a therapist. i put it on my new years goals and here we are, almost march and i am no closer to reaching that goal. there are lots of things about therapy that are scary, being vulnerable mostly. and also the fear that i am going to open a can of worms that i can’t put back. and at the same time, i am afraid i am going to do the same thing i did last time - convince my therapist i was completely healed and didn’t need her help anymore to make her feel like she did a good job. probably one of the most toxic people pleasing i have ever done.... yikes. so this year, i want to be vulnerable and open with a therapist- and truly learn from them. 

what do you want to be a student of in the new year?

i want to be the student of self-love this year. i feel like i have so much to learn from her, and truly so much to gain. as i am on this journey of ~weight loss~ healthy living i want to learn how to truly love myself- in all the forms that i take. one of the childhood and teen traumas that i carry around is self-loathing for my physical body, and extreme uncomfortableness i feel inside of her. my body was different than i thought it should be, and i never felt thin or pretty enough. even though looking back i could not have been any thinner without blowing away. as i try and lose some weight to get back to a healthy range, its so tempting to chase that skinniness that seems closer than ever now. i don’t ever want to think about my body in a good or bad way again, the same with food. i want it all to be neutral and purposeful. i don’t want body positivity, i just want body neutrality. i want to be comfortable and unbothered. i want to take pictures and look for the joy and not be hyperfocused on the rolls. 

a quote that i am taking with me on this journey - 

“what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your things were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juice creative life of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? it’s going to break your heart. don’t let this happen.” - author unknown

who in your life deserves the biggest thank you for this year?

i am thankful for karl because of his understanding of me. i am thankful for mikaela for being a rock in my life and a cheerleader. i am thankful for silka because she offers more love than i know what to do with. i am thankful for alexa because she pushes me to be a better person. i am thankful for my mom, and her patience with me as i grow. i am thankful for my dad, and the hands-off role he has taken in my life. i am thankful for the friends that were patient and kind with me this year as i stayed away from most of them. 

what can you thank yourself for this year?

i am thankful for the resiliency and grit it took to get through this year. feeling extremely burnt-out, from the pandemic, from social work and from life. managed to get a new job which is furthering my career in the healthcare field, managing to save a little money to buy a house. making it through the panic attacks and crying in the car at the thought of the losses in my life. thankfulness for the home that i have in myself, and the peace and safety i offer myself to be who i am and to encourage growth. 

what have you outgrown this year?

i have outgrown pointless complaining. life is what you make it (to some degree) and i am choosing joy where i can and peace towards things i cannot affect. 

what is an important boundary to set in the new year?

it is important to me this year to set emotional boundaries this year and create language to protect myself when i find myself trying to fix my partner and getting into old negative habits. 

what’s a memory from this past year that makes you smile just thinking about it?

now this one’s a bit challenging because of the pandemic and social tension of this year, but i am choosing to focus on the personal good that happened in my life. 

january- three way kiss with mariah and alexa. iceskating in CVS field with dalton. getting naked in the woods at taylors falls. 

february - tall heights concert. drinks at cowboys with emily, alexa, sarah and meghan. raincloud and strawberry tattoos. 

march - up/down bar with jaden and silka-getting mexican at 3am. cuddles on the couch with hippo while everyone was gone over spring break. drinking wine and looking at art at bethel. christian living on our couch- hiking afton. our neighbor mark gets his dog ella. 

april- doordashing with knute- danny davito picture. staying with karl and mikaela for 3 weeks. getting drunk with jimu // garage door beer challenge. getting to ride on todd’s motorcycle. 

may- seeing juneau for the first time. knute’s “just friends” instagram post. biking along st. croix with john. fishing with jaden at rapidan dam. lilac bushes blooming at the ranch. alexa’s graduation surprise. rollerblading... canoeing lake iduhapi with callie, sam, alexa and knute and smearing ourselves in charcoal. eating chinese and drinking wine for alexa’s birthday. 

june- watching the dad’s try and fit our couch into the house. GFS- nightwatches, curfews. birthday bagels on the balcony. celebration at camp iduhapi. biking in northfield with jen. adopting juneau! bringing her everywhere with me. fathers day with john eating tacos. breonna taylor march. getting drenched walking around bdemakaska. 

july- bee’s knees tattoo. cabin trip to barnum lake with alexa and jen. celebrating anthony’s birthday with alexa and erin (moving the gravestone). duluth trip with sam, knute and lea - jumping into lake superior. trip to padre island with john-getting way too burnt to function. chic fil a drivethrough with juneau. 

august- camping trip with mikaela -attempt to get into canada and immediatly denied. murder mystery at emily’s house. rain on the patio for emily’s birthday. golden retriever puppies. dinner date with emma downtown minneapolis. annual brule trip- flipped the canoe. 

september - alexa and i take a fake trip to ny. celebrating john’s birthday. visiting jeff’s farm. celebrating jen’s birthday in northfield. shooting pumpkins with jen. another trip up to barnum lake with karl, mikaela and seth. minnehaha trip with emma. jack’s apple farm trip. 

october- camp trip, reffing football. making apple crisp. murder mystery night for sarah’s birthday. thrifting outdoor outlet with emma and lea. hanging with ozzy the cat. photoshoot with alexa and hippo. halloween party at caitlin’s house- being velma and daphne with alexa. 

november - start working at bluestone. dinner at pub in minneapolis with jen where we die laughing. winning monopoly with callie and tyler. hiawatha hike with alexa. thanksgiving at silka’s. 

december - giving the cats a bath. accidentally breaking into a cemetery with alexa. muffin’s christmas photoshoot. christmas at jens. sea world with molly, kody and kids, seth, john, k&m -forcing ourselves to watch blackfish the next day. tattoos! hammocking by the river. almost running into the elementary school on jimu’s dirtbike. 

[that-bi-bliophile]

So my friends and I have an ongoing collection of quotes that my crazy math teacher has said. We had our last math class today so I felt it would be a good time to share this. (I added some annotations so that it makes more sense to people who weren’t there)

                                                 Quotes by Mr. G

                                             -An Ongoing Project-

“Grizzly bear will never get reindeer, correct?”

“Health is good”

“I don’t know what planet you are from”

“Hey, build pyramids!”

“And Humperdink will be sitting at his lonely table” (I looked it up and there’s a song called Lonely Table by Engelbert Humperdinck)

“Power to the power, power to the people.”

“I like that you laugh, it means you are still alive”

“Don’t laugh because people around you are shaking.”

“Someone is laughing, it is not supposed to be like that.”

“You are so engaged, that makes you 19”

“I appreciate if barricades are taken off your desk onto the floor.”

“And fish becomes shark and eats copies.”

“Also, cover your tails”

During an earthquake drill: “Take these drills seriously” -Mr. Asdfghjkl’, “Also, take seriously mathematics” -Mr. G

“I thought it is a box”

“Lice, only in your brain”

“Welcome again to the same stream, but water is different.”

“No, there is no Mr. G.”

“Yes, Mr. G is here”

“Why are you sitting?”

“I am concerned about your grade, and your knowledge. Mainly your knowledge.”

“By the way, I like tables.”

“About geometry and your life.”

“I don’t know what you are digging”

“Kids; too many”

“Look China, look China, look China”

“What information shall we withdraw from China?”

“Give me two points India!” (These last three were from a thing we did graphing country populations by the way)

“Specifically in the mountains.”

“I am driving, Maxime, do you understand?”

“He is doing minimum, it is food for thoughts.”

“He is also a jumper, will you share what you see in the other world?”

“Mr. G often goes tangentially.”

“Ellie chose and very wisely!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, our train is approaching, silence, tunnel, please, or else explosion.”

“Goat leg”

“I will now burst with my anger.”

“Mr. G is standing on his head now.”

“Homework is a bridge.”

“Anita was a fox and Basilio lost his money: golden bars.”

“I feed you, you are a shark and sharks are biting everything.”

“Thank you for stretching, maybe you have the right.”

“Your teacher is Mr. G, I know him.”

“Don’t be scared, but some of you didn’t learn and you are going to suffer.”

“You are the first representative of a younger generation.”

“I am not poisoning you.”

“I am entertaining you. It is the afternoon.”

“Look at their information, it’s terrible!”

“Where comes two? Oh! From the ceiling!”

“I made a mistake, wait, did I?”

“They forbid me to go to school, they say they will arrest me.” (During quarantine)

“Stop with attention span, whatever happened, don’t pay attention.”

“Go, go, go, go, go, go!”

“Anastasiya, did you learn your fingernails very nicely?”

“We are all working, I don’t know what republic you are.”

“No big goose.”

“Now we have geese in the water, looking something.”

“It’s not a pack of wolves, okay?”

“It’s called an undisciplined guy.”

“It came because we were catching all big fish”

“Algebra: without algebra there is nothing in life.”

“You are like fish”

“Your brain will grow like a cabbage”

“O.M.G. Our mutual goal”

“Tongue rolling attitude”

“A gebra named al”

 “Knowledge shouldn’t be soft”

“Hands up, how many hands do you have?” Max says, “10.” (We have a theory that he’s an alien, he’s also said things like “blonde eyed, blue haired”)

“Only happy people watch a clock, because they want to extend their happiness.”

“Relax, feel in my classroom, at home.”

“Someone is running water.”

“In U.S. you have freedom and liberty” (Mr. G is talking about not finding the discriminant before solving.)

“Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, where is my bacon.”

“Alexa, turn off, Alexa will you turn off your music?” (Caused several other people’s Alexa’s to turn on over Google Meets)

“Dying, just relax guys, I’m not dying.”

“Tilda likes her boys like she likes her numbers, positive.”

“What’s up is here.”

CMC: “A score of 14 and over should be commended.”

Mr. G: “A score of 14 and over shouldn’t be commended in this classroom.”

(He told math team he expected us to get at least 26)

“Relley, you are number 7”

“Two minutes! It is too much time!”

“Sixth graders are like rabbits. They are always twitching, and each time you turn around there are more of them.”

“Only Mr. G can put flesh and blood into these skeletons.”

“In Ukraine, they call it the big bear, but here, you call it the big diaper.” (He meant the big dipper)

“Boo, did you do your homework?!” (We have a great recording of this one. We did it for our Spooky Room™ in advisory because his granddaughter is in my advisory)

“Sing the song!” (Then he ‘sings’ the quadratic formula on like one note)

“The textbook is your bible.”

“Shake your heads!”

“‘Good Morning!’ said Bilbo, ‘What do you mean?’ he said. ‘Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good one?’”

“Alessandra, you need a life.” (This was really odd for him to say a student shouldn’t just spend all their time on mathematics, a different teacher ran out of the room to tell people @ohnoimfangirlingagain)

“Tilda, you are good, not great, but good.”

“You are the best of the best.”

“You now owe me a Ritz box.”

“Any questions” -Mr. G, “Nope” -Student, “Okay, also not good because there should be questions”-Mr. G

“Like a magic wand.”

“Is anyone falling apart, is anyone under the table?”

“I can see behind the sofa, is anyone in the orchard, picking fruit?”

“Sending them out of the boundaries of the United States, oops out of the equation.”

“You are great specialist at this one.”

“Not president of the united states, but candidate for the equation”

“You are very good citizen of BPC school.”

“Guys tell me, difficult? Difficult in training or easy in battle taking test.”

“Extraneous root is like outside fish that we throw back to the sea because it is not the fish.” (One of my favorites. I’m making it bold so that it’s more visible)

“Relax, go under sofa or whatever is best place for you.”

“ZPP, not Zina.”

“Off we start”

“Alexa, I am not asking you, switch off, Alexa, Alexa, thank you.”

“Tangent tangent tangent secant secant secant secant tangent”

“You need to respond, it is why police respond.”

“Its been one minute, I will count one minute from our time.”

“He is doing simultaneously Step 1 and Step 2! I love you!”

*leaning in and whispering into the computer, so just one student will hear* “Can you hear me? Psst can you hear me? Turn in your homework!”

“Gabby, open your face.”

“You have 9 minutes to relax.”

"Examples, they are clear? Good color?"

"Who is joining shout?"

“Everything: Mr. G is doing everything thoroughly, digging, digging, digging. Where is digging?”

“Coming to this minus, says, ‘Hello!’.”

“The secret is easy: you don't do any stupid things.”

“I will introduce the basic things, and skeleton.”

“Margaux, show me your face. I have forgot already in two months.”

“Drink coffee, oops, tea... talk to your dog... make your cat happy... keep energy up.”

"Just take in your bloodstream"

“Why are you running in orchard, picking wegetables.”

“In many countries. In Ukraine, we had Chernobyl and stay at home, in Africa, we had disease outbreak, no tvs. Now. I am good at distance learning.” (He’s from Ukraine and also taught in Africa)

“See they are asking you? Did you get four? If you didn’t get four, you have a problem?”

“I know, I know, but they are more mistakes here, they are playing tricks, they are wrong.”

“Grudge on you, very big grudge on you.”

“You see, I am covering.”

“Don’t jump to conclusion, good teams don’t jump to conclusion. Now jump to conclusion.”

Anastasiya “Play ocean sounds for one hour.” Mr. G “You have to go somewhere?”

Cole plays music, Mr. G says “Not funny.”

“Seventh grade are all five, five musketeers.”

“We are 15 already which means someone else is here”

“So far, I am boxing you.”

“Herrings are little fish that Russians love, not Ukranians.” 

“In Zambia there are potholes in the road. So I would fill them in with gravel. Now we are going to do that with your knowledge.”

“Cinderella had to get peas from sand. And she shook the blanket. Use BUCK.” (He often tells us to shake our heads)

“Please guys, open your faces.”

“You are like little red riding hood: lost.”

“To my surprise, it is time to start.”

“Now it is time to collect stones.”

“What will you do in Europe?”

“I don't like that it’s excluded, because 2 will feel excluded.”

“Infinite algebra 1”

“I am back to discuss with you our problems.”

“What is secret about? You are canceling.”

“It’s like I am merging to highway.”

“Welcome to Ukraine, my friends.”

“I have plans for you, but you will always change plans.”

“Wow, it’s attacking me from all sides! Zina in the kitchen...”

“It's like avalanche or cabbage growing, I hope paper cabbage is still growing full of your energy.”

“Be cute enough to see.”

“Give me volume! Volume, volume, volume, volume, volume!”

“I wasn’t running with you… you know, fast?”

“Three trees doesn’t make woods.” (But in Chinese two do, just saying)

“So far you are free.”

“Is there anyone falling apart, under the table, please come out. I see you.”

“What should I say now? That it is too much work, sorry.”

“The last is seesaw problem. I am joking, I don’t know if I will show you today seesaw.”

“And I will be watching you now.”

“Do you want to talk about life? We are talking about life.”

"Don't touch 7th graders, they are like a hive of bees, you never know, they will bite you."

“You are late for the date with Mr. G.”

“Someone wants to join, no.”

“Someone is just troubling us.”

“Someone is just breaking my computer.”

“There is no problem, it is my invention.” 

I will miss his class a lot.

[jinarztin]

no.1; a daycare

oct.12.20//10:16pm//67°

ah, tumblr, some place i would come to just tell millions of people about my daily status(?) or just literally whatever i feel like putting on here.

sitting in my room just after a normal monday night, glancing at my echo show alexa, showing just recommendations of music, food recipes, anything what an alexa would suggest. my cat (not really an adult, 9 week old kitten) keeps on scratching the blanket in the cage into small shreds. constant meowing for desperation of being out and about. but that’s just a sign of the swat attacks towards my two old small dogs.

one of them (luke) is just very scared of the devil kitten, already swatted his poor nose, but it was a small poke. (forgot to mention,,the cat’s name is goose). dog no.2 (baby) is just the wise old dog, she’s very calm, but she can snap easily, mostly she just wants headpats and craves resting on your belly.

now im sitting on the floor monitoring goose, making sure she doesn’t chase after luke, poor dog is terrified of her, i miss him sleeping in the bed with me, even though goose us in the cage, he refuses to sleep in the same room.

i know this was pretty short and mostly about my pets, but im gonna just post this for now, until i get use to this. :p note to self: find my red ds. goodnight/goodmorning guys. (because time zones are things lol.)

[awkward-radar-tech]

Tagged by @amandaleepanda

Name: Alexa

Sexuality: I'm attracted to men/masculine people (I know it isn't sexuality but I am genderfluid)

Hogwarts house: I tested into Hufflepuff, but my sister who knows more says I'm Ravenclaw

Cats or dogs: Cats. Most dogs scare me

Current time: 7:19 pm in Los Angeles

Favorite animal: Moose. And like all forms of cats.

Reason for my URL: I love Matt the radar technician, and he is awkward. He is my mans, and I may or may not be on my second year and pair of clear glasses frames because of him...

Tagging nobody, as usual, because idk who to tag...

[parklevi]

im technically on hiatus but... still does this

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — ani is... th only thing i respond to

AGE — 27

TIMEZONE — gmt-3

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/her

MBTI — enfj? i think

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — im a phd student so technically yes.... astrophysics baby like levi!

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — sure i think fr th most part

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — im @unluckydotmp3 on twitter, @luchenbot on pinterest, and you can follow me on ig but im not gonna post it here bc it has my full name and im........ idk its too soon

DISCORD USER — ani #0509

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i... i dont know i read a lot i like everything as long as i dont suffer too much

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — wall-e, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, isle of dogs, spirited away, your name

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — cat’s eye by margaret atwood

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — the joker. what the fuck was that movie.

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — leo

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? — no unless they’re saying nice things about leos

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — i used to rp on msn groups like... fifteen years ago 

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? do i look like i do anything besides being on here... i like reading though 

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — i have two cats (perseo and ulises) who live with me and are perfect, and i have a dog (diana) and she lives at my mom’s and i have a cat who i adopted while living at my mom’s and she’s a wild child and cannot come live in an apartment but she’s my baby (carlota)

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i really liked barry. good stuff.

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — i’m very good at being a stereotype of myself i like happy things for the most part.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — i just finished the millstone by margaret drabble and my brain is still spinning so yea

CURRENTLY READING? — the realms of gold by margaret drabble

LAST FILM? REC IT? — i rewatched frozen with my nieces and its still fun.

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — god there’s so many... i’m bad at keeping up with movies...

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — wall-e for sure

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — music’

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — i love jason mraz, and i love a lot kpop girl groups (snsd, aoa, exid, brown eyed girls, many many more) and exo, and tini is my ultimate girl

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — quiet night in always i’d much rather get drunk with friends at home

ANY PHOBIAS? — i do not enjoy heights but i wouldn’t call it a phobia... i am wildly scared of horses too for some reason

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — most of them i guess? i’d prefer it if they stayed outside of my house though

BIRDS? — not a fan of having them up close because they scare me a little but they’re lovely 

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — both x

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — when people are too loud in places that should be quiet 

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — the creativity fr sure

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — well baekhyun is my #1...... and i like using my latina girls, alexa demie, maria gabriela de faria, tini (if she had more gifs...... if only....), would love to use lali some time but no resources there either.... and then there’s francisco lachowski, madelaine petsch, bruna marquezine, taeyeon, yoona, tiffany, seulgi... love all the faces...

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — i don’t really......... mind the face i guess

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — i love veggies in most forms

WORST FOOD? — i don’t like seafood in the slightest

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — i play sometimes on my computer but only obsessively and then not at all, except for stardew valley which is the only constant in my life

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — please i dont wanna have to think about myself for another second

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — in the tags.......... summer of 2017....... hadn’t rped in five years and thought to myself, a college rp? let’s give that a go!

[skz-bangchan]

Tag game

Rules: Tag 20 followers you’d like to know better and wrangle them into answering the questions below.

I was tagged by @netfelix-and-nochill ! Thank you for tagging me! <3

Nickname: Alex, Alexa, Xana, Sasha, Jesus (i cosplayed jesus from that one manga where jesus and buddha are roommates lmao)

Gender: Female

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff !! 

Height: 163 (~5′4′’ i think it is) yeah im average/slightly short

Star Sign: Taurus sun, virgo moon, sag rising 

Where I’m from: I never know how to answer this because i was born and i lived all my life in Switzerland, but my parents are from Portugal and i identify myself as Portuguese so yeah

Number of Blankets: One (because i have those thick blankets)

Favorite Animal: EVERY SINGLE ONE (dogs, cats, red pandas, koalas, tigers, SLOTHS, i just cant choose one)

Why I Started This Account: when i got into stray kids i wanted to see stuff about them so i made a whole new account where i follow just kpop blogs so my dashboard would only be filled with stray kids. Nowadays its mostly filled with exo but stray kids are still my babies

When I started this account: in like may 2019 i think, not a year yet! but i’ve been on this shit app since 2012 lol)

Dream Trip: oof there’s so many places i wanna go: Ireland, Korea, Japan, Australia, Greece, Egypt i just wanna go everywhere ahah

I suck at interacting with people and im always scared to annoy them if i talk to them so IF YOU SEE THIS PLEASE DO IT AND TAG ME SO I CAN SEE IT AND KNOW YOU BETTER

[whindsor]

farmer steve life!!! for @isaaclahys!!! (also sorry it’s so long and so introductory i don’t know how to half ass things)

It was his damn impulsivity, really. Who knew the thing that used to get him in the most trouble would make everything finally go right?

“What’s next, Cap?” That’s what Sam had asked when he’d finished returning all the stones. He’d taken one look at Bucky, thinking of all the conversations they’d had about after the war and retiring, and promptly held his shield out to his friend.

“Dunno. You’re the Captain now.” It was a lame joke from a movie neither one of them liked, but it got his point across. He was done. Done with all the time traveling, and aliens, and shouldering the responsibilities of the world. Now all he wanted was some goddamn peace and quiet. Sam had fought him on it, of course. I’m not good enough for this and this is yours and did you mean to hand this to Buck-eye? But Steve was adamant, and Bucky agreed. The world needed Captain America, and Captain America needed someone to do the things that he couldn’t. And Steve needed his own space. 

That’s how he ended up buying three acres in the middle of Vermont with a house that could barely be described as a fixer-upper and three boxes of books on gardening and livestock. He’d been a city kid his whole life, but he was smart, and strong, and determined. That was what it took to be a farmer, right?

It had been a long time since Steve felt completely incompetent at something, but home renovation quickly reminded him that his moxie was not enough to solve some problems. So he’d taken another trip to the bookstore (“Why not just use Amazon?” “I don’t trust Alexa”) and gotten everything from Carpentry for Dummies to The Magnolia Story, which actually had nothing to do with construction but did make him feel a little more inspired. Once prepared with his newfound knowledge, he took a carpentry pencil to the wood panel of the kitchen and wrote out his list. Every morning he woke up with the sun and got to work, slowly making his way through each project until the sun started setting. Then he drove the old pickup he’d purchased to replace his motorcycle into town to get supper at the local diner, treat himself to a slice of pie and some coffee (even adding a little bit of sugar, he still couldn’t believe how readily available it was) before going back home to crash. 

Once he’d painted over the list as a way to cross off his final project, the house was solid and perfect and empty. Not of things, no. He’d splurged and bought comfortable furniture and a few essentials (and nonessentials), but now that he didn’t have the sound of his hammer pounding or saw spinning, the house seemed quiet. Very quiet. Too quiet. 

A dog. He should get a dog! That was next on the list, he decided. The next morning, he woke with the sun, cooked himself breakfast for the first time in months, and drove the old truck an hour away to the next town over. The shelter was relatively empty, most of its occupants being feral cats with a few stray dogs. He walked the aisles, hands in his pockets as he looked at the few choices. He was just losing hope until he turned onto the last row, spotting a large black Labrador mix stretched out on his bed. He lifted his head, looking him dead in the eye and wagging his tail exactly one time, as if he didn’t want to get his hopes up that Steve was coming to see him. He knelt in front of the cage, the dog eyeing him suspiciously before slowly getting up and inching his way towards the door. Steve slowly held a hand up, and the dog stretched his neck to sniff it, his tail starting to move just a little bit. His tongue barely darted out, licking his fingers.

“Hey, bud,” Steve murmured. The dog’s tail started moving more. “Whattya say we get you outta here, hm?” 

As if he understood him, he started wagging his tail furiously, his claws clicking on the concrete floor as he pranced. The woman with the keys opened the gate, and the dog hesitated for a minute before moving out of the pen and into Steve’s waiting embrace, shaking with excitement as he tried to touch as much of his body to him. A quick leash, a few signatures, and a hastily written check, and Steve and Roosevelt were on their way back home.

With the house done and man’s best friend by his side, now he could finally tackle the garden. Fall was just beginning, and he consulted a few charts and books to prepare himself. He thought Roosevelt might help him with the digging, but the dog was perfectly content to lay on the porch and watch him do all the work. Turns out tilling the earth was really hard, and plowing straight lines even harder. Farming was challenging, and exhausting, and tedious. And he was loving every minute of it. For once, if he screwed up, that just meant he had to go to town for the market, no harm no foul. It was liberating. 

Every morning, Roosevelt woke him up just as the sky started to lighten. They went for a jog, past the few houses that sat quietly over the couple of miles close to his own. The sun was usually cresting the horizon when they got back, but instead of going into the shower, he just changed into jeans and dirty work boots and went out to his rows, checking the water in the soil and adding more where it was needed. He went down each lane, step by step, pulling up the weeds that threatened to choke his little seeds that were trying so hard to grow. 

Then, one day, instead of dirt and weeds, there were tiny green sprouts standing proudly in the ground. He whooped loudly, holding his hands proudly in the air, thinking that this was possibly the best he’d felt in years. Roosevelt looked vaguely unimpressed, but he didn’t care. He had built a house. He had tilled the earth. He was growing things. Whether or not they actually bore anything edible remained to be seen, but right now all that mattered was those little green leaves, waving in the breeze. 

Every day, he got to go outside, feel the sun on his face and the cool breeze as it brought the tellings of fall, and take care of his little plants. Every day they got a little taller, and a little fuller, until they came up to his waist and started bearing the tiniest fruits and vegetables. Every day he helped something grow, instead of trying his damndest to tear it down. A few plants turned into a lot of plants, and soon he expanded to chickens, four little birds nestled in a coop that he built himself. It would take a few months before they could lay eggs, but it would be worth it, he knew. 

One morning, he woke up to Roosevelt growling, his ears perked up and the hackles on his back raised. At first, he thought it was just from the rain storm outside, but then he heard a scratching at the backdoor, and a high pitched whining. He pulled off the covers, hushing the dog and going to the back door. He carefully pried open the big door, the cool, wet air blowing in through the screen door. And there, curled up on his back porch, shivering and soaked, was a big golden retriever with a pink collar. She looked up at him as the door opened, begging to come inside. He obliged, opening the screen and letting her come inside. Roosevelt greeted her as an old friend, jumping around like a puppy again even though the golden was more subdued. 

“Hey, sweet girl. Where’d you come from, hm?” he asked, holding a hand up. She came up to him, her tail between her legs, startling as he reached for the collar. He finally got a hold of it, the pink collar sliding off as she pulled away from him. But at least he could read the tags now, and grab his phone to call the number on the back. “Alright, Daisy, let’s call mom or dad, huh?” he said, tossing a towel in her direction and not worrying about the water drops going everywhere on the tile floor. He dialed the number, pacing slowly as it rang. 

“Hello?” the feminine voice on the other end sounded worried, and he could hear the rain and the rumble of thunder behind her.

“Hi, my name is Steve. Uh, I think I found your Daisy.” he said. 

“Oh my God! Thank you, thank you so much! I promise I’m a good dog owner, but she needed out and the storm blew my fence down and-and-she’s so scared of thunderstorms she just bolted when the first thunder sounded and-” she rambled, clearly relieved but still shaky.

“It’s okay, it happens.” he said with a laugh. He told her his address, and she thanked him about a hundred more times before hanging up. Steve smiled down at his phone, eyed the two dogs laying in front of the fireplace, and went to go make some coffee. Just as he was mixing a little bit of sugar into it, a bright flash of lightning illuminated the kitchen, followed by a loud clap of thunder that shook the walls. He heard Daisy as she yelped and whined, but he also heard the panicked clucking of his chickens. Roosevelt could take care of the dog, he would have to take care of the fowl. 

Steve put on a baseball cap, ducking his head against the rain and going to pull the chicken coop onto the porch. But the birds were so panicked that they were shaking their house, shifting it uncontrollably until the door popped open. He shut it as fast as he could, but one managed to escape, dumbly taking off back into the rain. He swore loudly, shoving the coop under the awning and running after it, his boots sliding in the mud as he rounded the corner towards the front of the house. Who knew chickens were so goddamn fast?! None of the books he read mentioned that!

Luckily, he didn’t have to outrun the chicken, as when he arrived at the front of the house, he found a pretty woman on the porch, soaked to her bones and holding his runaway fowl. He slowed to a walk, giving her a crooked grin.

“You found my chicken.” he said, gesturing at the terrified thing in her hands.

“You found my dog.” she countered with a relieved smile. He held out his hands for the bird, tucking it under his arm and extending his hand.

“Steve.” he said as she shook it.

“Savannah.” she replied. “Thank you, for finding Daisy.”

“Right, yes. Come on, let’s go inside.” he said, nodding towards the front door.

“Oh, I couldn’t - you already saved my dog, I couldn’t impose on you anymore.” she said, looking bashful. Steve shrugged.

“Might as well wait out the storm. Besides, I just made coffee.” he said. He pushed open the door before waiting for her response, holding it open for her until she followed him inside.

“I’ll get your floors wet.” she said apologetically. Again, he shrugged.

“No moreso than I will.” he replied. At the sound of their voices, the dogs came running from their place in front of the fire, Daisy practically launching herself into her mother’s arms. Savannah bent down, telling the dog how scared she was, how she needs to not run away from the house during storms, and how she’s lucky she found friends to help her. Roosevelt, jealous of all the attention, wiggled his way into her embrace. She greeted him happily, thanking him for taking care of her girl and complimenting how chivalrous he was. Steve couldn’t help but smile, going to the kitchen and pouring another cup of coffee. He paused before returning to the entryway, grabbing a zip up jacket. He handed both to her.

“Oh, are you sure?” she said, trying to hide her shivers. He waved her off.

“I own a washing machine, don’t worry about it.” he replied with a laugh. She nodded, slipping it on and unable to hide her relief at the warmth. She held the cup of coffee like a last source of life, her fingers covered by the sleeves of his jacket. He nodded towards the dining room table, situated with the massive windows around it.

“Wanna watch the storm?” he asked. He felt a little awkward, having someone in his house that wasn’t Sam or Bucky. But it felt nice too, making a new friend. Savannah nodded, settling into a chair and gazing out the window. Daisy came and curled up on her feet, finally settled now that Mom was back. Roosevelt, who usually stretched out on the couch, decided to come with his buddies, laying down between Steve and the other two. 

They sat and watched as the rain came down, turning everything to shades of grey. His plants were probably very happy, he realized. Perhaps this would be the extra push for them to really bloom. Conversation was light and casual, nothing serious as the storm went on. He hadn’t actually met one of his neighbors, which was apparently quite unusual in such a small town. He laughed at that, figuring he was on his way to being some urban legend. 

When the rain finally slowed and stopped, he bid goodbye to his neighbor, watching as they made their way across his back pasture towards their own home. Roosevelt looked a little sad that his new friend was leaving, and Steve patted his head encouragingly.

“Don’t worry, bud. It’s a small town. I’m sure we’ll run into them again eventually.” he said, unsure if he was really talking to the dog or to himself. With a sigh, he looked out at the green of the garden, and of the haphazardly moved chicken coop. With a smile, he went outside to go do everything on the chore list that was needed.

After all, farm life didn’t stop just because of a little rain.

[scotdeniel789140-blog]

Todays Best Traffic Cat Bot VBGYYREU

Todays Best Traffic Cat Bot VBGYYREU

Lose It FAST!

HCG Diet Information

Automated Web traffic Bot to raise web traffic This Website Traffic Robot Generator is a computerized traffic robot, a tool that can change your presence online as well as likewise assist you get a considerable amount of new website web traffic.

Just how do we know this? Since it has been around for a long time and also it has actually frequently acquired wonderful results.

Have you utilized any kind of traffic generator software program prior to? Many people are scared of utilizing traffic bots because they have actually read about negative website traffic crawlers. This web traffic generator will certainly be a good begin for you and also is secure to utilize.

Are You Ready to see Web site Traffic with Automated Web Traffic Bot? This Web Traffic Robot Generator is the software program that many (excellent) SEO firms are using behind the scenes to assist their customers.

So business work with pay these clothing great cash to do SEO solutions as well as they simply use automated website traffic crawler to get the outcomes. These are the leading SEO clothing that charge thousands in addition to help BIG BRANDS to get to the top of the SERPs.

Well, currently you can get that very same device on your own! And likewise for the industrial launch, it's just more than likely to set you back $50. That's right, for much less than one month of 'Search Engine Optimization solutions', you can presently obtain the identical fantastic results yourself.

There's a whole lot a lot more you require to learn about this gadget as well and likewise the silver lining maintains coming ... so keep having a look at!

Google Rank Mind concentrates on these 2 points: 1. For how long user time spends on site or page (Dwell Time). 2. Percent of individuals that click on your outcome via search results page in Google (Click Through Price).

Automated Traffic Bot to increase web traffic.

Do you utilize traffic crawler to generate sights? Yes, using a web traffic bot is a good way to raise the sights of your site and blog.

Just how can I boost the traffic on my site? You can use this website traffic crawler to enhance web traffic with some good results.

What are the very best ways to drive traffic to your site for? There are many methods like Online directory listings, Onpage SEO & Offpage Search Engine Optimization, Guest blog writing, Blog commenting.

How can I get free traffic? In a lot of the places you have read about traffic generator cost-free and also they assert to create web traffic totally free which threatens. Due to the fact that you have no control over your settings prior to sending web traffic. So our robot is not a cost-free web traffic generator, you have to get it and its dependant on your provided proxies, settings. In other words, you will have complete control over it. How can I earn money making use of automated website traffic bot? Let me discuss to you some instances, that might help you comprehend just how you can earn money with web traffic crawlers. Yet don't stop your mind thinking about these ideas only. You can brainstorm a lot more ideas concerning where you wish to produce web traffic with robots.

Boost your Neighborhood Ranking. You can make use of Residential Rotating Proxies or VPN with this tool to obtain your web site's position in Google, Alexa Ranking, and Similar Web in a targeted nation or area. A site at the top of the position in Google gains trust and also reliability with its consumers. This traffic robot generates top quality traffic which is good with the best evaluation tools like Google Analytics. With this automated website traffic, you can create web traffic for your target URL or money website within your target place. Advertise Your Deals or Products. Website traffic generated with this Web traffic Robot can assist the position of your items on marketplaces. By sending out automated traffic to your services and products, you can enhance visibility for them and also internet search engine can then highlight your deal to people. This automatic Search Engine Optimization traffic crawler will help you to make your market price. It's compatible with markets like UpWork, Fiverr jobs, ebay.com, Amazon, Etsy. Why this Website Traffic Robot Generator so Popular in SEO companies?Automated Traffic Crawler. This automated web traffic robot Functions Differently From various other tools.

That's since Traffic Crawler Generator functions by sending out signals to Google pertaining to client techniques. You can use this to tell Google that your site is obtaining lots of natural hits, that consumers are investing ages on your web pages or that they're clicking lots of interior sites.

This is MASSIVE because client methods is among the important underlying factors that Google makes use of to evaluate the quality of a website. When you send out those signals, Google takes notification!

And also this can assist to lead to 100% much more web site traffic in no time whatsoever in all.

And also this website traffic robot Functions.

Get More Internet Traffic and Presence Now With Search Engine Optimization Website Traffic Crawler Generator. I identify what you're thinking: you have listened to everything prior to. Right? This is the tale as old as time. It shows up that everybody is supplying the 'wonder remedy' to SEO issues. The concern is you can not analyze if it's up until you have actually taken down your hard-earned money.

Specifically just how can you recognize whether these signals absolutely affect Google?

Simple: you pay attention to numerous of the leading names in the market that all have exceptionally positive points to state concerning the item.

What is the best-automated traffic bot to create sights on sites as well as Which is the best traffic robot in 2019?

We have an option for you, attempt it out for yourself and likewise discover what everybody is going crazy about!

Ideal Google Automated Web Traffic Crawler in 2019.

business keywords home based business keywords work from home keywords b2b keywords business management keywords B2B Ecommerce business travel keywords management keywords office management online payment solutions keywords online stores keywords semiconductors keywords shopping cart solutions keywords software keywords startup keywords technology keywords transportation keywords virtual server hosting keywords web design keywords web development keywords web hosting keywords industrial goods keywords government and trade keywords food and beverage keywords office supplies keywords biotechnology keywords email software keywords email hosting keywords office backup keywords plumbing keywords agriculture keywords home improvements keywords pharmaceutical keywords human resources keywords internet security keywords chemicals keywords ecommerce keywords aerospace keywords art keywords auto insurance keywords casino keywords dating keywords electronics keywords dog training keywords gifts keywords golf keywords energy keywords iphone keywords wedding keywords retail keywords jewlery keywords music keywords gardening keywords luggage keywords legal keywords photography keywords poker keywords shoes keywords law keywords landscaping keywords entertainment keywords environmental keywords fashion keywords mortgage keywords real estate keywords hotel keywords travel keywords education keywords cell phone keywords coffee keywords construction keywords credit card keywords jobs keywords computer keywords email keywords internet keywords automotive keywords restaurants keywords online backup keywords pest control keywords consumer services keywords dedicated server hosting keywords business keywords home based business keywords work from home keywords b2b keywords business management keywords B2B Ecommerce business travel keywords management keywords office management online payment solutions keywords online stores keywords semiconductors keywords shopping cart solutions keywords software keywords startup keywords technology keywords transportation keywords virtual server hosting keywords web design keywords web development keywords web hosting keywords industrial goods keywords government and trade keywords food and beverage keywords office supplies keywords biotechnology keywords email software keywords email hosting keywords office backup keywords plumbing keywords agriculture keywords home improvements keywords pharmaceutical keywords human resources keywords internet security keywords chemicals keywords ecommerce keywords aerospace keywords art keywords auto insurance keywords casino keywords dating keywords electronics keywords dog training keywords gifts keywords golf keywords energy keywords iphone keywords wedding keywords retail keywords jewlery keywords music keywords gardening keywords luggage keywords legal keywords photography keywords poker keywords shoes keywords law keywords landscaping keywords entertainment keywords environmental keywords fashion keywords mortgage keywords real estate keywords hotel keywords travel keywords education keywords cell phone keywords coffee keywords construction keywords credit card keywords jobs keywords computer keywords email keywords internet keywords automotive keywords restaurants keywords online backup keywords pest control keywords consumer services keywords dedicated server hosting keywords

Todays Best Traffic Cat Bot VBGYYREU

[duckbeater]

Fuck Church-going, I’m Going to H&M

M and I were walking downtown, through the cold dark channel of skyscrapers on Dearborn Avenue, holding off on reaching our respective trains. Some of the light fixtures were done up in orange and white to look like candy corn. Spooky music (pipe organ, maybe the theme from The Phantom of the Opera) wafted out of the flowerbeds done up in hearty mums. I appreciate how much the city celebrates its holidays. I hoped ghosts would rain down demented terror on all of us.

I was just off work and M was out of therapy—we had barely coordinated our meeting. Somehow we were embarrassed to be where we never were, like the time we intersected just after he’d purchased his condo, appearing before each other in our business casual at the Belmont exchange, approving our dress basics (”You are a new man in Chinos!” “I appreciate you in a tie!”), then agreeing to a celebratory drink. He was nearly silent. I forgave him: he’d just laid a good chunk of his earthly estate on the line, on down the line, and was dizzy with the prospect of failure. (This was confirmed in the bar, when the color left his face, and he murmured, “I’ve signed my whole life away. Now I’ll be one of those gays who never stops talking about slate versus granite countertops.”) He was quiet now, too, puzzling over the book recommendation his therapist had given him.

“Conscious Communication by Mary Shores. I already Amazoned it, but I’m not going to read it. And not reading it will just produce more shame, more guilt, that I’ll have to talk around in our next session.”

“Maybe you can read it,” I advised, “consciously, on your commutes, but choose your headings, you know? Like, be a proactive skimmer.” My therapist never recommends little books for me to read. She listens, an awful lot, to me talking about books, referencing books, shitting on books. I realized I use my therapist as a kind of pre-book-review audience, where I pitch angles her way and she says, “Mmm, but do you like it?” And it occurred to me then that I was extorting my health insurance for an embarrassment of riches to workshop book reviews I then published for free on poorly trafficked websites. This, I thought, is the emotional commerce of an MFA. I told M: “I don’t get homework from my therapist.”

He said: “I think mine is bored talking to me about guys, so he wants something we can both talk about. So that’s a fucking book.” 

To our left, in the Daley Plaza, secondary directors on one of the Chicago series were filming a public demonstration. A monumental backdrop with exquisitely art directed graffito read: GOD IS GAY AND HE LOVES YOU!  The crowd of onlookers was fairly separate from the crowd of extras, but it was a close thing, and somewhat confounding, the distinction between a simulated fracas over milquetoast iconoclasm and the genuine anger of what I assume were tourists. People milling (extras) were deflecting earnest proclamations from people on the other side of the barricade, who shouted things like “God is great!” and questions like “God is unknowable, so how do you know He’s gay?” (also shouted).      

M said, “Whoa!” but I said, “It’s just a movie. That’s not even local news.” I pointed to a folded crane and several reflectors: “They’re trying to make it look like two o’clock in the afternoon. That’s an Arri Alexa—gay youth groups don’t take those out of the box.” I was guessing about the camera, still, it impressed M.

We idled outside the Goodman so M could ruminate on how his stringent, captivating Catholic upbringing was possibly rearing a cudgel now, example: his inability to manifest erections during recent, aborted Grindr hookups.

“How many are we talking about?” I asked.

“Maybe, after the last time we talked, three others?”

“You’ve abandoned three hookups because your dick wasn’t hard?”

“No, just two of them. My dick was a part of, uh, all of them though. This one dude was too dirty to fuck. I know it gets late, but who doesn’t shower before hooking up with a stranger?”

“Some guys are into that.”

“I’m not,” said M. “Sex with Ben is fine. Jerking off is fine. I have a libido. Maybe I just need some romance first. What is the point of ‘opening my relationship’ if I can’t have sex with other guys because my dick isn’t cooperating?”

“I don’t know,” I said. Maybe it was obvious that I was forlorn.

Two key scenes of my distended friendship with M: ferrying him to a movie after his dog died, stroking the soft clippered hair on the back of his head while he cried in the passenger seat, just as my mother had done when I was a child. (Farm life is punctuated by many gruesome cat deaths.) He talked to his sister on the phone and said things like, “Yeah, but did the vet let you hold her head?” allowing her answers to destroy him. The second, a few months back: when M decided to break up with Ben, my driving him around Chicago for a debrief. He was so under-slept his under-eyes seemed saline-injected. He repeated feelings he’d been expressing up till then and I tried to offer comments that weren’t cliches, also previously expressed. “What we’re dealing with here,” I said, “is summary, so maybe we can just listen to music and respect the end of this thing?” He contested that the reality of the relationship’s end—nearly four years of honest coupling—was worth examining, as a phenomenon whose pain had far exceeded his expectations. (Thus, my blog.) Obviously those weren’t his exact words. And anyway a couple of days later, he and Ben agreed to keep dating, albeit “openly,” the announcement of which caused me to state, openly, “Good luck with that!” 

So he had bad luck with that, and being a sport now, he said, “You’re a smart guy, tell me what to do!”

“Don’t blame God on your erections. Don’t blame romance on them, either. Don’t blame them. This whole setup is bunk. You have to report, verbatim, the stupid not-sex you have with randos, edifying no one, least of all Ben.” (A condition of their open relationship is they tell each other everything.) “You have a guilty conscience, is all. You want a clean fuck? You will never get one. Every time you boink someone else, you think about how Ben won’t like it much, and he doesn’t like it much, it makes him terrified that you’ll actually really breakup with him, and you’re terrified, too. Look at the very long leash he braided into the back of your hair! So pretty! You went to New York alone to meet up with a guy you’ve been Scruffing for eight months!”

“But I didn’t fuck him! I couldn’t get a fucking boner!”

“I’m fucking glad!” I snapped.

We both exhaled very loudly and very slowly. We had been mobile, with sharp hand motions, all the way to the corner of Lake. Trains clattered above us.

“Fucking Christ,” I said, peeling my backpack off, hugging it.

“What?”

“I forgot to buy a fucking sweater from H&M.”

“You want me to walk back with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” 

We passed by the movie set again. People were chanting “CHRIST! IS GAY! HE WAS BORN THIS WAY!”  which unnerved M no end. “It’s just, I spent an hour talking about growing up uber-Catholic, feeling gross about gay people, and now there’s people chanting in the streets—”

“It’s a movie,” I pointed out again.

“You think because it’s fake it doesn’t make it worth feeling—”

“I think god is fake, too, but—”

“That’s the whole point! It’s—the—meaningless . . . ” I thought he was burying it, the dredged up convictions. Instead: “Do remember Jed’s stupid ministry?”

I did. This is a mutual acquaintance who married young, sired two kids, preached in his father’s church, outed himself before his congregation, got kicked out of his church, temporarily lost his family, and turned this turn of fortune into a not-very-profitable speaking tour. His self-published memoir, a re-conversion narrative, described the gift God gave him: making Jed a gay shepherd for His flock. 

M: “You think it’s stupid because he took the thing that ruined his life and promotes it now as the thing that saved it.”  

I said, “Absolutely, I do think that’s stupid.”

M: “Right. Fine. But you understand that being psychologically affected by your religious upbringing doesn’t make you an idiot, okay?” 

I perceived where M wanted to turn his thoughts but it didn’t make me care about them. “The planet is dying and we’re killing each other with guns. I don’t want to talk to another gay person about god, or prayers, or spiritual affiliation, or how they still feel shame because of their church-going. Fuck church-going. I’m going to H&M, I’m going to buy a sweater guaranteed-made by the most desecrating human labor, and then I’m—I’m going home.” I should concede what I perceived: that had young M had any access to a faith that celebrated his sexuality, or at least didn’t shit all over it, then he might be a more contented, better adjusted adult. Here was the universe broadcasting this back to him, grandly, on the bright stage of an updated mystery play. He felt stirred to compassion for his former self, and benevolent toward his former (though perhaps extant) beliefs. I acknowledge that it resonated. The timing, the scale, how could it not? I resented its convenience. 

M: “You’re acting like a total fascist.”

I said, “I know. I’m sorry. We can get an ice cream after I find a sweater.”

M said thanks, and we hustled over to State Street. I had been hugging my backpack for too long. He took it out of my arms and told me to look like a normal person, not like a scared child, and held the straps open for me.