#him hes always been (weak) like this . but i dont remember what they exactly say so in the tags it goes

[libraryraccoon]

How I see Twisted Wonderland

After my reblog on a post, I decided to do a post where I say what I think of Twisted Wonderland.

Spoil for the books under and 6. English isn't my first language, sorry for the bad english.

Before all, what i say in the reblog :

In the game (this is just my impression), those with magic take themselves much higher than those without magic and believe that they can't do anything.

Let me explain, in the game there are a lot of moments where Yuu's opinion is never taken into account, but also where he is almost never allowed to do anything on his own, even when he could be useful. For example, in the Masquarade event, they don't let Yuu climb the tower even though if he had, it would have been much faster. The flowers wouldn't attack Yuu because he don't have magic (if I remember well, the flower only attack people with magic and Yuu saw them like normal flowers because he don't have magic), so he would just have to go up the stairs like a normal person and then ring the bell.

And as for Yuu's opinions being often ignored, well, the entire game is an example itself. The choices have no consequences, Yuu is just there to fill the void, that's all.

And also, Crowley never listen Yuu. In book 2 he even threat Yuu for playing a detective (I dont remember exactly the book or the reason, but I remember he had threat Yuu at a moment).

Also I would just like to say that the students never had consequences for their actions (Overblot, actions before/during Overblot, Ruggie during book 2, ect..), I don't know if it's because of the social class or because they are (except Ruggie) rich, or just because Crowley is a really bad director.

And how people act with monsters too. Like, they always make fun of Grim, don't respect him, and think they're stronger than him (they do this with most of the other students, but I notice it especially with Grim). And that made me think that the monsters are maybe not really strong/smart in Twisted Wonderland (that's just a theory, I have no real proof exept how people act with Grim).

Now that it's done, I can continue.

The social class.

I think we all know the social class, but I want to add it.

From most powerful to weakest :

-Royalties (example : Malleus, Leona)

-People with money (Riddle, Vil, most of the NRC students)

-Normal people (Trey, Ace)

-Poor people (Ruggie)

For the people with magic, they also have another social class I think.

-The most powerful (Malleus)

-Powerful magic (most of NRC)

-Normal magic

-Not a lot of magic/"weak" magic (Fellow Honest)

-No magic (Gidel, Yuu/MC)

The people with "weak magic" are the one that can't pay for magic lessons.

Because, yeah, NRC is a private school, and like for all private school, you have to pay for it. The students have to pay for their food and dorm uniform, that's canon, Ruggie that haven't a lot of money have Leona' dorm uniform.

We don't know much about public magic school, we don't even know if that exist in the game. NRC, RSA and Noble Bell are all private magic school, so maybe all the magic school are private.

That's maybe for that that there is a lot of people with magic that have weak magic, because they can't have lessons for that, Fellow is a good example.

Now that the social class are done and the school too, how people with magic act.

People with weak magic are for the most angry (book 5).

But people with powerful magic ? Oh man..

They are all arrogant and think they are above everyone. Even those of the RSA in a way, but less than those of the NRC (no real proof, just my opinion that I had after the Halloween event with Fellow and the fact that they were all so disconnected from any evil things/had pink glasses).

The only one that are maybe not really arrogant are those from Ignihyde.

They are arrogant, but not that much.

Why i think that ? Cause we don't see them-

Nah, cause they all are introvert and we don't see any Ignihyde student exept Idia and Ortho.

They all are in their dorm, they never leave it. I'm pretty sure they do like Idia, a tablet going in class or a mini robot and they still are in their dorm. Only present IRL for the tests.

So yeah, I can't really have a opinion about them. But, seeing how they are described, I think they are one of the less arrogant mages.

The Black Mirror and the Mirror.

We don't know anything about it, all I have is theory.

First, I don't think they are the same.

I don't know exactly what is the Mirror, we saw it at the start and it make us come to Twisted Wonderland. That's all we know about it.

So, here's my theory :

Maybe the Mirror is a god. The god of Twisted Wonderland.

I EXPLAIN

The Mirror make us, semeone of another world, come in Twisted Wonderland.

Only semeone with a lot of power can do that, I think.

Like a god.

Especially that we don't know much about the gods, so maybe it's a god that have been forget with the time, who wants to be known again, and what could be better than bringing someone from another world ?

Or, that join a theory about the all game, it's like a judge.

For those who know the death theory, it's similar, maybe the Mirror is the judge of the death, and Twisted Wonderland a court. Like, after the third year/at the end of the NRC, depending on how our life was in Twisted Wonderland/in the court, we go to a afterlife that is either nice or bad. (Idk if it's a real theory, I just thought that after reading the death theory, maybe it's a part of the death theory that I haven't read.)

It was for the Mirror, now, the Dark Mirror.

I think we all agreed for saying that it's the mirror of the evil/beautiful queen.

We don't know much about the Mirror of the Evil/Beautiful Queen, exept that it can say who is the most beautiful. But, maybe it can also say things like how are people/their soul.

And in that case, the Mirror of the Queen and the Black Mirror are the same. But people used it differently.

Also, the Black Mirror can bring people from another place, right ?

And when it say "his home isn't in that world" (something like that), maybe all that Yuu/MC had to say was "It's [...]. Don't search it in that world." And maybe the Black Mirror will bring Yuu back home just like that.

Nah, cause he literally say It's not in this world, but that doesn't mean he can't bring him home in another world.

Idk how to explain it, sorry. I just know that Black Mirror know too much, much that we think. And i'm sure he can bring us home if we say to not search it in Twisted Wonderland but in another world.

And, in the death theory, maybe he tell who is kinder than the other. Maybe some dorms (like Ignihyde, Scarabia) are dorm with kinder soul/death than other (like Octavinelle), and the Black Mirror tell who are kinder than who by giving them dorm. (I go too far, I know, I stop.)

And for the death theory, maybe Overblots are when people are too bad.

That was all I wanted to say, others things/theory have been say by other people, I won't repeat it.

[davosmymaster]

The Saddest Part of Me

TAGS AND WARNINGS - +18, Minors DNI, no smut (yet) but mentions of sex/sexual themes, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, mention of past abusive/violent relationship, canon-typical violence, breaking-up, Jake is the fist of Khonshu, Marc and Steven don’t have the suit anymore, post-MoonKnight, my non-native English is a warning itself, no beta

PAIRINGS - Jake Lockley x fem!reader ; Marc Spector x fem!reader ; Steven Grant x fem!reader

WORD COUNT - 4.6k

SUMMARY - Tired of Jake’s missions turning deadly, Steven and Marc ask you for help. It backfires.

A/N - This started as first person pov, dont know exactly why but i liked it and went with it. Then it changed after one of the pauses and I was too tired to change it (also i like it as it is) so I didn’t. Don’t read if you are easily triggered. Credits to whoever made the gif. Part two will be up when it’s up.

THE SADDEST PART OF ME

 Toni Morrison once wrote that "love is never any better than the lover". And as if that wasn't a horrible enough claim on its own, she followed with "wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly."

 I found myself called to those lines and, trapped by the words of a book that had me crying for most of it, I discovered I was more moved by that sentence than I had been for the rest of the novel. Trapped as I was, my mind rushed to find meaning beyond the words. I remembered past flings and failed relationships, abusive exes, and even friendships that hadn't worked. Finally, at last, my eye caught the shape of one of my boyfriends watching a cricket game on tv; as if I hadn't been aware that he was there, as if it was the first time I saw him. Truly, saw him.

 Steven noticed, of course he did. He was always hyperaware of his surroundings and, unlike Marc, he didn't know how to be subtle about it. He leaned back on the sofa, almost melting against it, and looked in my direction with the most relaxed expression he had in weeks. There was one cute smile on his lips; eyes gleaming with comfort after a long week of work. He was finally spending time with his girlfriend, and the time felt valuable for both of us even if each was doing our own thing.

 He must have seen something on my face, something buried and hurt perhaps, something I'm still not very sure of what it was; but something regardless, because his eyes switched off their glow as if someone had thrown a handful of sand over them. His smile trembled slightly, without him ever finding out, as if his body was understanding something he was not. A presage.

 "You feeling alright, love?" he asked.

 Even though I heard him loud and clear, felt his worry as my own in the way he looked at me; my brain did not seem to register. My mind was long gone, far away from there. I was looking at Steven but I had no problem with him. I was looking at his body. No, I was not, either. I was looking at the shell that contained the three men I was in love with. And I just happened to be looking at Steven because he was there —the wrong place at the wrong time— but who I was really looking for in those eyes, the person that deserved to be there at that moment, it wasn't Steven. It wasn't Marc, either.

 It was Jake.

 We'd just had the most terrible month in our relationship. Even though I'd like to say it only concerned Jake and I, it truly did not. Marc and Steven had their role in the problem too, even if it was well-intentioned in the end. Our argument seemed to be over, at least for now. But neither of us had apologized nor had we found a peaceful way out of our trouble.

 No. Not at all.

 It was over because we had both decided we loved each other more than the problem hurt us. Now we were ignoring both the problem still unresolved and the gap his lies had created between us.

 Yes, Jake had lied to me. Repeteadly and over a long period of time. Problem was he didn't regret it at all. My mind had been trying not to think more about the matter, ignoring it, living happily in naivety. In my coping mechanism I was blind to the elephant in the room: Jake didn't regret his actions at all. He didn't regret killing those people and he sure as hell didn't regret lying to me about it.

 That meant only one thing: he would kill again. That is, if he hadn't already.

 As if he could read my mind Steven's frown deepened. He got closer, his hand closing the space that separated us. His thumb very slowly touched my cheek. It was so slow, so gentle, as if he was frightened himself of my stupor. Or even scared of me.

 The slowness did not restrain my soul from shooting back into my body. The jump it caused could only be described as the sensation of falling from an imaginary abyss just as you are about to fall asleep.

 It was right then when I realized Jake wasn't hidden there, in those eyes. It was just Steven. Only sweet and sincere Steven.

 "You alright?" he asked, a worried chuckle dancing on his lips. "I lost you for a moment there, uh. In the land of the dreaming?"

 I smiled, even if I couldn't quite remember how.

 "Yeah, yeah... Sorry I scared you," I said, but still took his hands and put them away from me. All I could think about was those hands unfortunately being a part of Jake. Those pretty hands that belonged to Steven and Marc too, but which had been smeared with thick blood clotting around the nails. All I could see was them holding the gun Jake had been so reluctant to throw away, the small pocket knife he always wore as a key chain.

 "Can I ask you something..." I said then, my words so fast my mind had barely registered them, my tone so devoid of life it sounded as if I was going to ask him to kill me. Maybe I was. "...Steven?"

 I pronounced his name trying to breathe a bit of life into the sentence, but I could already tell by the way his breathing was caught in his lungs that he did not believe my facade for one split second.

 He took my hand in his, the heat warming them but freezing my body at the same time. Those hands...

 "Of course! Of course you can. Bloody hell, why do you even ask it like that?"

 I smiled and, with my thumb, I massaged the deep frown between his eyebrows. He relaxed the muscles there, suddenly aware of his expression.

 Half of me did it for him, because I was starting to feel guilty for worrying him. Half of me did it because my hands felt trapped under his.

 Steven relaxed, smiling once again. Partially relieved.

 "Are Marc or Jake listening?"

 Steven seemed confused at the question at first. He fixed his eyes on my own, but at the same time very far away from there. Then he looked around: at the tv, at any nearby mirrors, even his mug and the tea in it.

 "No, they aren't," he said. "But I can look for them, wake them up, if you want me to."

 "No, no. I just wanted to talk to you for a second."

 Steven tilted his head to one side slightly, confused.

 "Oh, oh. Sure, love."

 That's when my turn of taking his hands in mine came. It was the only way in which I could feel safe in both my question and his answer, in the truth of them, actually. I had never once before questioned Steven. I had blind faith in him, I always had. But as I said, what should have stayed as a Jake and me problem, had somehow tainted Steven and Marc too. Up until this point I had firmly believed I distinguished every single one of them from the others, and treated them accordingly; but now my body was showing me that, in fact, a part of me saw all of them as the same man.

 "If Jake hurt anyone again, you would tell me right away. Right?"

 His eyes shot open. From where I was seating in front of him I could almost hear his heartbeats.

 "Of course! Of course I would. Marc would too. We did it before, right?"

 "Eventually, yeah. After hiding it for months," the tinge of disgust in my voice did not go unnoticed.

 His hands were now trembling.

 "We didn't know what to do! At first we didn't even notice it was something that would affect us. Then I told them. And neither of them listened. We did tell you about Khonshu and we thought it was... implied. But Jake never wanted to kill...!"

 "Okay, okay. Steven. Steven look at me," I said, as he kept talking and talking in a panicked state. "Look at me, okay? You said sorry. Marc, you and I talked about this. It's okay. You said sorry. You're forgiven."

 He stopped talking, pressed his cheek against my hand when I tried to comfort him. He nodded as if trying to absorb my words. But his pupils still jumped slightly, here and there. Restless, unsafe.

 "I would tell you," he finally said with a tiny voice. His eyes welled with tears. "I promise. I promise I would. Please don't go."

 He made me cry too. Almost jumping over him, I hugged him, pretty much estranged him with my arms. I clung to the sweater he was wearing as if holding on for dear life. Steven followed with no less force. He crushed me against his chest, breathing hard into my hair, silently crying. With hands wide open over my whole back, it felt as if he was both trying to memorize the feeling of me in his arms and, holding me in place so I wouldn't abandon him.

 "Why do I feel like you're gonna leave?" he whispered.

 Steven had very little power of the matter, and that fact terrified him beyond reason. He couldn't stop Jake from killing again. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing your disgusted, disappointed, crying face again. But if there was something he could not even think about, that was you breaking up with them, leaving them, hating them. He could not conceive the world without you being the first thing he saw in the morning. He could not go back to be and feel as lonely as he did before. He couldn't.

 Being in this impossible situation, anxiety rising up to the clouds, the only comforting thought he could get was that, if he behaved, if he was good, despite what Jake could do, if he was good and behaved like you wanted him to, then you wouldn't abandon him. You might abandon Jake for being a murderer, but if he proved himself... then you wouldnt —couldn't— leave him.

 In his mind, he is ten years old and doing the dishes at two in the morning so mom will kiss him goodnight.

 Stupid people love stupidly

 Regaining someone's trust is not an easy task, everyone says that, but no one talks about how complicated it is to regain intimacy with the other person.

 It's not about sexual intimacy. That's easy, perhaps too easy. And Jake makes it even easier; he knows what buttons to push, where and when to touch you so you're left wanting more, pursuing him yourself against your own judgement. It's the other intimacy that is difficult to get back, the type in which you start talking about life and don't finish until dawn. It's about the cuddles, the feeling of being comfortable around each other, planning stuff to do together because you don't want to —not even think about— doing it with anyone else. Before Marc and Steven told you what Jake had done, asking you to help him stop, it wasn't uncommon for you and Jake to dance around the kitchen while cooking; both slow and quick Latin songs playing through the speakers. He loved to dance bachata, you loved to see him happy.

 Now your home is silent, the closeness complicated. The kitchen doesn't smell like spices anymore, and even the flat seems to have become darker. Maybe London has become darker, maybe the entire world has shunned the sun.

 Jake promises one day that he will never do it again. He waits for you to be in bed and slides under the covers. For a long time, he says nothing; he's still hesitating. Jake isn't sure he can keep this promise he is about to make. After all, he doesn't kill people because he likes it; he does it because they are necessary.

 Eventually, when he feels your breathing evening out, he knows if he doesn't do it you will never trust him again. And so he does it; unsure and scared, but is anyone ever not unsure and scared? he asks himself.

 You hug him tight then. It's the closest he's felt to you in a month. He's missed you more than he dares to admit. So he buries his hands in you, in your hair, your back, your shoulders, the back of your thighs. He doesn't want to let go. All he wants is for time to stop. If he could choose where to live for the rest of his life, he would live in the exact spot between your jaw and neck that his nose is caressing just now. He would die there, too.

 You're the only good thing in his life. Everyone knows that.

 Suddenly a month has passed, a more than reasonable amount of time for you to start letting your guard down. Jake has been so patient and careful that you start to feel like a fool for creating this awkward space between the two of you; although the truth is, it's not your fault.

 There are only fifteen days to your anniversary, or at least the start of it, as each of the boys takes an entire day to celebrate it with you. That makes your anniversary a weekend-long thing. With your anniversary so close, you feel an overwhelming sensation of hopelessness. And in the midst of your nostalgia for what you were, and loathing what you've become, you ask Jake to forget anything ever happened. He complies.

 The following is your day off, but Jake has work in the evening. Still, that doesn't stop him from scheduling a date. He takes you out for brunch to the most beautiful restaurant you've ever seen. You are seated on the inner patio. There is a fountain there, and the decoration is Bukowski books on small shelves and flowering vines on the walls.

 You sit on a pallet drilled into the wall. It has beautiful rainbow-coloured cushions to sit on. Jake takes the chair in front of you, but he's too far away for your liking. Instead, you take his arm and ask him to sit a bit closer. Jake takes the seat next to you, not even his flat cap concealing the happiness glowing in his eyes. As he sits down, as if by a reflex, he puts one of his hands on your thigh. He caresses your knee for a few seconds before taking the menu and placing it in front of you to decide what you both will be having, together.

 Two hours later both of you are taking a walk in Hyde Park. It's January, but the sun is shining over your heads anyway. Jake has never been one to be affectionate in public, but now he has his arm around your shoulders as you walk. Your face hurts from laughing and smiling. This is exactly what you missed, just what you needed. It all gets worse when, just before you leave, a squirrel chases Jake across the parking lot.

 Jake drives you home, he drives slowly through London because he doesn't want to let you go. He doesn't want today to end. He stops the car at the beginning of the street because there's a street market today and he can't get through. He stops the car there, double-parked because it is impossible to park anywhere else in the city. He gets out of his limousine at the same time you do. With a quick, determined step he circles the limousine, and you wonder what the hell he's doing. Then, he takes your face in his hands and kisses you. His lips brush yours, it's barely a caress until it's not. All you feel is him, his love, his warmth, the fabric of his driving gloves on your cheeks.

 "Thank you," he whispers.

 It feels like an I love you, so you take it that way.

 Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase lasted just one more day.

 He had no other choice, he wouldn't have ever risked another fight with you if he had the option not to. In fact, it was an accident. The fault wasn't entirely his. Yet Jake was so scared that you could see what he had done in his eyes, through his soul, that he drove to the other end of London and fell asleep in the back of the limo, on the plain floor.

 Steven had panicked so much that his consciousness disconnected. He was nowhere to be found. Marc, on the other hand, was going through all five stages of grief. He had gone from calling him every single insult in the English language to denying that Jake had done anything. By the time Jake decided to get back home, Marc was in full depression stage. Thinking of the worst.

 Even if he wanted to shut down the way his alters were doing, he couldn't. Jake cared for the others to an obsessive extent. All his life, he had taken the hard punches. He had killed so the others wouldn't have to, he had taken his mother's beatings with not a single tear shed, he took insults and humilliations; he took Elias' calls begging Marc to come back home when he ran away, he took the hardest parts of military training and most life-or-death situations that followed.

 He took Khonshu. He was still taking Khonshu.

 Marc and Steven had enough of the god, but someone had to do the work anyways. After all, the pigeon had only freed the other two. And if Moon Knight and Mr Knight wouldn't fight, then Jake Lockley would have to do. Someone had to protect the travellers of the night, that's what Khonshu had said when Jake asked him to free him as well.

 He was still debating what to do, whether to keep it from you or not, when Steven made the decision for him.

 "Jake," he spoke, appearing out of nowhere. "If you don't tell her yourself, I will."

 He grabbed the steering wheel tight. He saw red for a split second, then focused on the road ahead.

 "What?" he almost barked.

 "You heard me."

 "Si será hijueputa- Who do you think you are?"

 Steven said nothing else despite Jake's attempts to provoke him. His silence only made him even more nervous. He insulted him for twenty minutes, called him things he didn't really mean, until eventually, he stopped.

 "Okay, Steven, have it your way," he said. "Just give me some time to think how."

 "You have an hour."

 The image Jake formed on his mind was nowhere close to the moments following his confession. Yet it was somehow even worse. The smile from your face vanished quickly into a thin line, your eye became dull, absorbed by something far away from there. Whatever you were thinking, whatever images were playing inside your brain, he just hoped it wasn't him covered in blood.

 Your sight was lost somewhere on the small dots that covered the kitchen table, round wounds in the wood like gunshots. Your index flew to one of them, rubbing your fingertips against it for a few seconds, then giving up and lifting your head to look at him again. Crossing your arms over your chest as if you were cold.

 "What do you expect me to do now?" you asked. If death had a voice, Jake was certain it would sound like yours. "You promis-."

 "I know," he said. He inhaled oxygen, but seemed to exhale despair. He moved quickly from where he was standing at the other end of the table. With a squeak he took the chair right next to you and sat down. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I had to-"

 "You had to." you spat. "Was someone pointing a gun to your head?"

 "Actually, yeah..." he responded, lips pressed as not to laugh. He forgot to mention he was also caught by the throat, until the other guy pulled the trigger and Jake moved his attacker's head in the trajectory of the bullet. "But I don't think that changes anything, does it?"

 He saw what he thought was doubt in your eyes. Although he could have easily have mistaken it for the misery drowning your pupils. Deep down —perhaps not so deep— Jake couldn't understand why you cared so much for these people. Sure, he didn't like to have other people's blood on his hands, but at the end of the day many of them deserved to be dead. Jake wasn't getting why there was so much fuss about the matter. All he cared about was you, though. And if you cared, that made the matter grow in importance. He didn't care about hurting his enemies the same way he didn't care if he found a wallet on the street and didn't return it; sure, it wasn't ideal, but it was their loss, not his.

 He took your hand the same way you had once done with Steven. He tried to comfort you somehow. Jake wasn't good with words. In fact, he didn't think he were any good with anything except his job, his work for Khonshu, and fucking your brains out. He had never had the need to protec anyone who didn't already live in his body; but he cared about you too much, and didn't want you to suffer.

 Then, you took your eyes out of his fingers warming your cold ones. With the same expression and voice but dry eyes, you spoke

 "I think we need to break up."

 Jake blinked a few times, nodded, too; but his mind had not caught up on the words. He looked at your eyes again, confused by your pitied expression.

 Then he chuckled, lips tightly closed.

 "What?"

 "I said..." a shaky breath came out of your mouth. "I said I... we need to break up."

 Jake felt his chest and throat close up, the bile still rising to his mouth somehow. He coughed once, when he felt the acid burning its path, then rose up from the chair, swallowed. When he got to the window, he realized he was shaking. A hand tugged from the roots of his hair.

 "¿Qué dijiste?" he asked, turning around to look at you. He looked at his reflexion in a mirror right next to his face, found his own face, not a trace of the others, but asked them anyway. "¿Qué dijo la pendejita esta?"

 Rage was quickly starting to burn up in his veins. Slowly, as not to scare him further, you walked closer.

 "I'm sorry, Jake," you told him, now your own eyes welling with tears. His arms wanted to take you, hold you, tell you everything is going to be fine; but you were only crying because you were hurting him. And you know it. And you know it. And he hates it.

 "Don't fucking-" he said, although he doesn't even know where the sentence is going. His body was not reacting to his command, not even breathing properly. He doesn't understand why his mouth tastes bitter, or why you're trying to hurt him saying that.

 He touched his face because there was something there bothering him. Dust, maybe a particle of something, an eyelash stuck in his eye, whatever. But when he touches it, his finger are wet.

 Oh, a tear.

 Before your body could make contact with his he held both your arms to stop you, his fingers curled around your forearms, your eyes filled with tears only half shed.

 "You can't," he said, then chuckled again like a madman. "You could never."

 He was so sure, too sure, there was not an ounce of doubt in his mind. He seemed so certain that his back straightened, his breathing evened out. He seemed calmed and it confused you. Were you driving him mad?

 "You can't," he repeated, halfway to a chuckle again. "You could never break up with the others, you love them way too much."

 His claim broke your own heart. The only reason Jake had for believing you would stay with him through thick and thin, was because he believed you wanted the others too much. The pieces of your heart crashed, splinters flew away, you could no longer feel it beating. You ached for him, but that didn't change anything.

 "Jake I'm not breaking up with the others," you said, and regretted there was not a kinder way of doing it. "I'm breaking up with you."

 He thought he heard a relieved breath then, and he lost it, completely lost it. It could have been the air coming in through the partially opened window, it could have been the tv still on, or even the kettle still complaining as the water cooled off. But he lost it all the same, not even knowing if the sound had come from Steven and Marc in the headspace or something entirely different. He took the mirror next to him and punched it, hard. The splinters covered his knuckles, blood rushed through the wounds to the to the rhythm of his heart.

 Violent people love violently.

 "Putos cabrones," he insulted them, but his tone was softer that he meant, breathy even.

 "Jake, baby... don't."

 He let you touch him this time. You kept still crying and he hated it. As his concern for you grew, so did his hatred. Your cold hands held both his cheeks, your lips pressed against his forehead just once. The blood staining his white shirt, his whole uniform. He had never gotten it ripped or even stained in a fight, and he was partially embarrassed that the first time he got it stained was because of his own blood, his own wounds.

 You kept saying things, words that he supposed should sound comforting. But he was not listening, not at all.

 "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered, then his knees gave up under him. "I trusted you. I trusted you."

 "I can't." you told him, begging him to understand. "I had a relationship before, one where he would tell me he was going to change, promise me, and then go back to treating me the same, and I forgave him. And he would do the same thing to me again. And I forgave him. I can't go through that again, baby. Not again. Not with you."

 Jake wanted to scream. He wanted to ask you why you could be patient with others but had not the same patience for him. But he didn't. He stayed silent. He knew such a question would hurt you. Countless times had he hold you while you cried for your past, for how others had mistreated you. The thought that he had done the same was burying him alive. He wanted to melt, pass through the wooden planks on the floor, fall until he reached the barren land, then be swallowed by dirt itself; become nothing.

 He wiped the tears from his face, leaving a bloody trail wherever his fingers touched. You blinked in front of him a few times, shaky lips he wanted to kiss saying goodbye gave him, instead, a bit of hope.

 "Violence is easy, Jake, it's the easy path," you told him. "I can't- I won't be with another violent man. If you show me you can change, I promise you'll have me forever."

 He nodded. He had a mission now.

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[tealmaskmybeloved]

Ive been wondering, what is Dokutaro's ultimate plan with using Kieran ?? Why him, specifically. And why does Doku want a new subject, is it a plan that requires specifically a human or something the original loyal 3 couldnt do? Or, if you dont want to spoil it, maybe a small hint? :3

Also, does Kieran ever feel at least a teeny bit of regret for giving himself up to Dokuatro? Does he ever remember Carmine and feels lonely, or is he completely content with leaving everybody he knew behind? And how do Carmine, the MC, and his grandparents feel about him? what do they know about his situation?

Buttload of questions, but I just really wanna know more about ur AU's story XD

Me answering this ask:

Jokes aside, boy do I have a lot to say!

Okay so, Dokutaro's desire is to control everything and everyone in the world of Pokémon. He believes that free will is irrelevant and that world is meant to serve him.

However, he's willing to help those who help him, an exchange if you will. Dokutaro believes that if people and Pokémon are willing to do anything to achieve their desires, then losing their free will is a perfect price. And if they can't beat their foes with the power Dokutaro has given them, then it's not his problem. Besides, there's always more Pokémon who'll want to give in to their desires.

Dokutaro is kinda like a monkey's paw situation. You get what you want, but you lose your free will and become one of Dokutaro's Chained.

Dokutaro had only chained Pokémon before, as Pokémon are more susceptible to giving in to their desires and wants than people.

As for Kieran, he is merely a test for Dokutaro, to see if controlling people is actually possible, and Kieran takes a lot of effort to use. With Pokémon, they're more willing to give in to their desires and such, but people are more complex.

Dokutaro can give people and Pokémon one of his Toxic Chains and those give the user what they desire but also chain them to his will.

Dokutaro can also give people and Pokémon its mochi, but those given the mochi are less coherent than the others and are more used as mindless fodder than anything.

So why did Dokutaro choose Kieran specifically?

Kieran had just been "betrayed" by Ogerpon, Carmine, and the protagonists. He no longer looked up to Ogerpon and only saw her as a reminder of his weakness. Dokutaro realized that Kieran wouldn't be siding with Ogerpon anytime soon, so it was the perfect opportunity to have Kieran on his side.

Kieran's own self hatred and anger made himself be easily manipulated. He wanted power, he wanted to get stronger. Dokutaro would make sure that Kieran's wish would be granted.

And since controlling people takes a lot of effort, Dokutaro decided to just have Kieran be its main host and have its other victims mochified (that's a word I decided)

Those who are mochified by Kieran handing out the mochi like rice cakes are technically under Kieran's control as well, although since Dokutaro is manipulating him, they're technically under Dokutaro's control.

While possessing Kieran, who ends up as the BB Leauge Champion, it gives Dokutaro a great amount of power over the school. Kieran is Champion, people listen to him, and people probably won't question him, exactly what Dokutaro wanted. While the Blueberry Academy isn't the most ideal place for Dokutaro to spread its control, it's a good start for world domination.

As for Kieran, he does feel some regret from time to time. He sometimes wishes he could go home and just hang out with Carmine again and live a normal life, but Dokutaro is usually there to remind Kieran that this is totally worth it. (it's not. Don't get controlled by an evil peach, kids) The Loyal 3 do their best to make Kieran feel less alone and have him adjust to his new life.

Carmine hates herself for lying to Kieran, and she 100% knows that Kieran is up to something with that mysterious "plush" that disappeared from Peach'ys. Carmine does a lot of digging because she realizes that "Hey this might be a problem" and she's been researching everything about the Loyal 3 and Ogerpon to figure out what Dokutaro is (its a bit of an issue when all the history books contain the fabricated version of events)

His grandparents feel guilty as they believe that it was their fault that Kieran left. They wish that they told Kieran the truth before all this happened.

Florian and Juliana (they're twins in this AU) have some mixed feelings on Kieran. Florian believes that Kieran should have Ogerpon, but Juliana believes that Ogerpon gets to choose who she stays with. The two blame the other for what happened to Kieran, and they constantly argue about who's fault it is.

Carmine knows that Kieran has been receiving "help" from a Pokémon, but she can't find any info on it. She does know that Dokutaro is connected to the Loyal 3 and that they have beef with Ogerpon, but that's it.

The grandparents assume that Kieran hates them, and they don't know of Dokutaro's meddling.

Florian and Juliana do their own research on what's been helping Kieran, but they often help out Carmine and the group brainstorm together. Ogerpon is there for support and to make sure that Dokutaro gets punted to the sun for what he did.

OKAY I think that's everything you asked about. There's a whole bunch of other stuff I'd want to talk about but I'd have to make a new post because this one is so long. (Which I don't mind. I love receiving asks about my AU)

[youngpettyqueen]

I had a dream last night about a DS9 episode that doesnt exist and I dont remember the A plot but the B plot was Julian getting Worf to train him in combat and it was so good I just might have to write it

putting what I remember from the dream under the cut

it started off with Julian going to Worf and asking for his help with combat training. Worf was surprised by it, but agreed. I couldnt tell you where exactly this fell in the timeline but it felt like somewhere in season 6? camp 371 had definitely happened cause it gets mentioned. more on that later

it starts off pretty comedically cause Julian is just. very much not a fighter. Worf is constantly correcting him, and keeps knocking him on his ass. but Julian keeps getting back up, keeps trying again. this is all clearly combat training meant for a Klingon, and its obvious that Julian is struggling HARD with it, and the lessons arent really sticking so much as they are just bruising

gradually the comedic tone dropped as both Julian and Worf start to get increasingly frustrated. the others are also getting. concerned. because Worf is in a near-constant bad mood and keeps snapping at everyone, and Julian keeps healing his own injuries. so its obvious that this is now very much not healthy for either of them, but neither of them is willing to give up

it all comes to an explosive head during one of their training sessions, cause both of them are clearly bottling a lot of shit up and it all just blows up. and in the heat of the moment Worf isnt as careful as he should be, and accidentally hurts Julian pretty badly

everything's fine, of course. Julian gets patched up in the infirmary. but then him and Worf won't talk to each other and avoid each other for days. and at this point, the concerned parties intervene to see just what the fuck is up with these two

Jadzia talks to Worf. she sees right through his shit and knows that he's mad at himself. she gets him to admit that he's been furious with himself because he doesn't understand what he's doing wrong, as a teacher, that Julian hasn't improved. Julian came to him for help, and he feels he's failed him. Jadzia points out that Julian was never going to get very far on a Klingon training program. he's Human- augmented, sure, but still Human, even if he's too stubborn to admit that that might have its limitations in terms of what kind of combat he can realistically train for. she manages to get Worf to see that he hasn't failed as a teacher and he isnt horrible at it, he just needs to adjust his approach, and perhaps actually TALK to Julian about all of this. Worf isnt sure Julian will want to talk to him, certain that Julian blames him for his lack of progress and for injuring him, but Jadzia convinces him to at least try

meanwhile, Miles talks to Julian. Miles assumes Julian is mad that Worf pushed him too much, but Julian isnt. Julian's been mad at himself, blaming himself for the fact that he just cant get anything in this right. he praises Worf's teaching abilities, and blames himself entirely for being a bad student. Miles asks why Julian wanted to learn Klingon combat in the first place, since he's a doctor and not a fighter, and Julian confesses he's sick of being helpless when bad things to happen to him, and he wants to be able to defend himself. Miles suggests that he can learn to defend himself, but he doesnt necessarily need Klingon combat training to do so. he points out that Julian, as a Human, was always going to struggle with learning it. Julian insists he wants Worf to be the one to train him, and Miles says he should tell Worf that. Julian is hesitant to approach Worf, embarrassed about how he let himself get hurt and certain Worf thinks he's weak, but Miles pushes him until he agrees

Julian and Worf meet and talk. and it all gets aired out- they were mad at themselves, not each other, and its a relief for both of them to hear that. Julian admits to Worf what he did to Miles- that he wanted Klingon combat training so that he could defend himself- but he goes further and explains that he wanted Worf specifically to train him because of what happened at 371. he admires Worf's determination, his endurance, and seeing Worf handle himself the way he did, the way he kept going, he thought if he could be half that strong, he wouldnt end up being helpless again. Worf is surprised, and tells Julian he is all of those things- determined, enduring, strong- and points out how Julian lasted 5 weeks unbroken in that camp, and how in their sessions he always got back up and kept going. Worf admits to respecting Julian both as a healer and for having a warrior's spirit, and that he was honoured that Julian wanted him to be his teacher. Julian asks if Worf will still train him, then, and Worf agrees- but this time, they'll go with a training regiment more suited to Julian's abilities. they shake on it

episode ended with time clearly having passed, showing a sparring session between Worf and Julian. we see that Julian has noticeably improved and is much more confident holding his own against Worf, and even manages to knock Worf down. Julian celebrates, and Worf lets him have his moment before he sweeps his legs out from under him and brings Julian right down with him. Worf makes a crack about Julian needing to keep his guard up, and Julian just lies there laughing, and Worf even cracks a smile as we end

[sassykinzonline]

who loved who first? when do you think you each fell in love?

im...not sure actually. it's like asking, "when did you know the sky was blue?" i'll try to sort it out.

he was attracted to me first. that much is obvious given the longing stares and bed time fantasies of his. i was aware of him, and i was curious, but at the same time i was afraid of what i thought my family would think so i didn't really let it go there.

there's a conversation in the itachi light novels that is pretty similar to an actual one i had with my brother. basically one day, super randomly, he asked me what i though of naruto and i said i dont have any special feelings but i think he doesn't like me. my brother asked why and i said because hes always yelling at me and trying to make me mad, so i just ignore him like everyone else who follows me around for no good reason. my brother asked me, "what if he has a good reason?" and then just walked off like a dickhead. but from that point on i tried to avoid naruto less and pay attention to what he was saying to me. i realized that he antagonizes people because he wants their attention and doesn't know how to get it, and the stuff he says to me were backhanded compliments and essentially invitations to train. so i started indulging him from time to time because it was fun and it made me feel good about myself.

then my family died and all of a sudden i realized what it was like to both be lonely and want to isolate yourself from everyone around you. on my first day back from school, of course everyone was talking about itachi going batshit and killing my family and how "maybe sasuke will do the same" "yeah hes super weird he never talks to anyone". that was the one day i can remember naruto not saying anything, and i was mad at him because i wanted him to. apparently what i didnt know is he fought with some of the kids who were saying really stupid shit. so that's apparently when i subconsciously knew i felt differently about him.

the day i realized i liked him was the day we kissed, then were put on the same team, then he flopped at trying to kidnap me (wtf was that about?). when i was tied up i realized i wasnt mad, just really happy that this was gonna be my life from now on. that's why when i saw him again i just teased him, and why i lashed out at sakura when she was badmouthing him.

if i try to trace back when the first time i realized i love him was, it was probably orochimaru's hideout. leaving him was painful, but eventually i just went numb. when i saw him again and the first thing he asked me was why didn't i kill him, with that sad and scared face...i thought about the way he cried at the idea of me leaving him and being in danger. i realized he still thought i didnt care for him and that he was weak, and i could tell he was upset at himself and not me. it made me realize how similar we are because that's exactly how i felt when itachi left, but more importantly it made me realize i never wanted him to think i felt that. so i must feel the opposite. that's why i told him i spared his life on a whim instead of just saying the same thing my brother said to me, i didnt want to twist the knife. and i wanted an excuse to hold him so i staged a death threat.

i know around the time itachi came back was when i started contemplating about him more seriously, so i probably "fell in love" when i woke up from the coma i was in and realized he had saved me. but that's also why i was so angry.

onto the easier question: naruto has always loved me but just didnt know how to express it. when i say "express", i dont mean tell me. i mean he didnt know how to show it and he didnt know what it entailed. it was just more platonic for him for a while, then when we were fighting right before i left, i think he realized it might not have been only platonic. this is just my guess because i never asked since i dont really care and i dont think he himself could answer me, but he probably realized it was romantic right after he defeated pain. i know that moment was empty for him. i also heard from him that inari asked about me, and the old guy asked if i left because of some sort of lovers' conflict? but the face he made when he told me that was like he was embarrassed. i dont see why he would be embarrassed unless it was somewhat true for him and he didnt like getting called out as a joke. he probably "fell" in love in haku's ice mirrors because hes a queen like that.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

Crazy but I saw you said Henry used to be your favorite so do you have some headcanons to share with us?

i'm glad you asked, actually! i've been writing a fic about him for 2 months (someday i'll finish it) so i have some thoughts on his character. but i haven't shared them because well, let's just say that mafia 2 is super valuable to me for honestly revealing not the best human traits (and i'm trying to make these mf even worse) and henry is like. fandom's fav boy so i just didn't really want to get burned at the stake like some kind of a witch

anyway  1) about henry’s family i've seen a lot of hc about him being the youngest + spoiled child. but for some reason it seemed to me from the beginning that he was the middle child and clearly not spoiled. and it's not about an abusive childhood full of deprivation, no. i think inside his family was quite cold (maybe not from the beginning, but if you take henry as the middle child - it had time to become so by the time he was raised). i think henry's mom wasn’t exactly tough, but strict (have you ever talked to mothers who raised multiple sons practically alone? i have and they’re some of the strongest and toughest women i know). and I think she took on the main responsibilities of parenting because her husband just didn't have time for it.

and then there's the whole Sicilian conformity thing (this reminds me of a story of an acquaintance of mine whose mother wouldn’t let him go to the store to buy bread as a child until he put on a suit and tie. he was seven or so btw)

especially since henry's mother had to organize the emigration of the family and the Empire Bay settlement all by herself (i.e. i'm sure there was help from clemente, but the point here is to create a home(!) in a new place in a new country. emigration is often a heartbreaking situation in general, and when you flee to another country to survive, it's hard. you also have to stay strong because you’re responsible for an entire family). i based this whole story of coldness within the family on one (1) documentary about mafia families (it’s called mafia women i think??women of mafia??? i dont remember) and my hair just stood on end at how far from normal relations within the families are. i.e. if his family found out he was a rat, they wouldn't come to his funeral, and if he survived, they would consider him dead. it's wild, but interesting. the fact that even in the families slides mafia traditions  back to henry and how his upbringing affected him.

arrogance - memories of how his family was treated in sicily.

coldness - his parents' prohibition of weakness/emotionality. this is where his outbursts of aggression come from - repressed emotions always lead to a breakdown.

critical of others - rare praise from his parents.

wounded pride - he lives in the shadow of his father and perhaps more successful brothers. a sense of competition, to which he reacts not by wanting to grab his rival by the throat, but by trying to hide and run away from it, just so that these feelings don't torment him. an attempt to change his mind and pretend that he is really cool and successful (instead of actually doing something. fake it till u make it only without making it). he's trying to be lana del rey but really he's just an aggressive wounded dog. maybe a flea-bitten one

mistrust of people is probably a consequence of the fact that mafia families are closed and live in a very detached space (?)

 anyway. it's absolutely 100% henry to me:

+ henry in relation to vito and joe (at least at first? can't say i thought much about their relationship to each other)

+ closure because of the trauma of death. because of the deep understanding that in this business it’s useless to have close ties, friends, love, anything. in the end you will lose everything. and for what?

2) henry and religion i've been wanting to write about this for so long, but i thought (still think) i'd get kicked to death for it

anyway, i'm sure henry's religiosity is totally hypocritical and selfish

hypocrisy - "if they wanna kill themselves so badly i'll gladly help them out. especially for twenty grand". excuse me. suicide is considered one of the worst sins in christianity (at least in orthodox christianity). that phrase couldn’t be uttered by a man who truly believes in god. not to mention what he does for a living.

religiosity is his way of asserting himself, his way of standing above others. the way he (not directly?) chides vito and joe for not going to church. it's actually an attempt to humiliate the other person and show that "i'm better than you".

and!!!! it's funny!!!! he believes in superstition!!!!! as far as i remember it's against christianity. booo poser 🙄

it's funny that he tries to appear to be a religious man and yet he's in the most abusive family in the city

nevertheless i think he donates money to the church but it's all some kind of payoff attempt too! not sincere!!!

3) random analysis - to me he is a fatalist! hence the lack of ambition. fate is inexorable and cannot be changed. maybe it's the trauma of emigration and upbringing, reinforced by the fact that he never succeeded. the idea of henry being a fatalist is based on his "it's the 13th contract, it’s a jinx" etc. lack of ambition due to fatalism - you blame external circumstances/fate for your own failure. maybe he broke his bones a lot as a kid and stuff, maybe he's got a reputation for failure? i don't know. not because he's bad, but because all sorts of bad things keep happening to him for some inexplicable reason (maybe if he prays especially hard it will go away?)

- the further he goes, the more he moves towards a crisis and a fractured personality. frustration, big losses that he couldn't deal with and that just weren't worth it (betty's death probably had something to do with criminality; i think almost all of his brothers were criminals and some died). and i have a hc about clemente who was going to make henry a capo after luca died. but then chapter 10 happened and everything was ruined. such a crisis could be a reason to work for the feds, or it could be an attempt to make a big score with objectively very little chance of success (............. or to become a don, which is the plot of my fic). either way, all of these actions to me lie in deep despair and entrapment

 - hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite 

 - funny how he positions himself as a professional even though in the game he fails every time (character = actions, not words). i don't know, maybe he was once good, maybe it's wounded pride and he never admits to himself that he's not good at "the one thing he's good at" and considering this dialogue:

the situation is again quite tragic. it's like "im no artist i've wasted my life". i can totally understand that feeling and it's very hard. to me he's a man trapped in a world he can't get out of. he's trapped in a cage of a life he didn't choose (i think that may be one of the reasons he started working for the feds).

4) henry and betty i think they had a lot of genuine love for each other (..... unlike falcone and lauretta who are much more complicated) and for some reason i like to think that he and betty met because they lived next door to each other in neighboring apartments (the first scene with them in my head was betty looking out of the window and seeing henry in the next window taking dried clothes off the ropes that run between the houses. idk i like to think that he was helping with the household). and it does somehow seem very natural and right that betty was more proactive and that their relationship started because of her (he probably pushed her away at first btw?)

 if betty was killed by one of the families, henry never had a vendetta (probably clemente didn't allow it? one of the first reasons henry has a growing disgust for alberto)

5) random hcs - he knows francesca. very fucked up story because to francesca, henry is just a low-key polite christian (which evokes simple human sympathy), but he is actually the person who put her brother in jail. a person who commits the most heinous sins on an almost daily basis. henry doesn't know francesca is vito's sister either - if henry had spent more time with vito and joe: henry projects his traumas onto joe and vito: "you're so fucking naive." but then at some point he gets a brotherly instinct toward them - when eddie came to collect some of the profits from the drug deal he greeted henry with a punch in the face 🙂 personal grudge among other things (and since henry has many addresses, eddie went to each one and only the last one was correct. man was on the verge of a mental breakdown) - vinci and henry really are distant relatives - in the short time that henry and eddie have been working together (i want to believe that they’ve been working together), they have grown attached to each other. they’re opposite personalities, but they share a deep sense of loss and loneliness (in that don henry fic, there's a gunfight scene where henry and eddie are on opposite sides of the conflict and neither of them dares to shoot the other. eddie resigns and bows his head first. in this version, he also realized that he secretly wanted carlo to fail (still canon thing to me), he was incredibly tired of him and carlo's potential death seemed like a release) - one of henry's brothers took up boxing upon arriving in empire bay and was very successful at it. i have a random hc about this random brother having a fight with eddie. one of the reasons henry vaguely remembers eddie - i haven't written about luca and clemente here but my main point is that over time he developed an aversion and the family as a whole. this is the reason henry says he doesn't care about clemente family's destruction

6) vibesssss (there was supposed to be more here, but i forgot what i wanted to add while i was writing the main text) - about emigration. very painful and realistic topic for me. these screenshots aren't mine anyway it makes me think about henry and his attitude to emigration (which in my understanding is most often a tragedy for a person, because it is the destruction of the old familiar world and loss of emotional ties):

henry after betty's death. to me (esp the last one):

sorry henry it's you:

- it's also him. to be completely honest:

7) track list"Sinnerman" by Nina Simone: makes me thing about his death & character as a whole. his main song to me "Oh, sinnerman, where you gonna run to? Sinnerman where you gonna run to? Where you gonna run to? *** So I run to the Lord Please hide me, Lord Don't you see me prayin'? Don't you see me down here prayin'? But the Lord said Go to the Devil, the Lord said Go to the Devil He said go to the Devil All on that day So I ran to the Devil He was waitin', I ran to the Devil He was waitin', all on that day *** So I ran to the Lord I said Lord, hide me Please hide me Please help me, all on that day He said, hide? Where were you? When you oughta have been prayin' I said Lord, Lord Hear me prayin', Lord, Lord Hear me prayin', all on that day Sinnerman, you oughta be prayin' Oughta be prayin', sinnerman"

"Cold Cold Cold" by Cage The Elephant "I've been breathing air, but there's no sign of life Doctor, the problem's in my chest My heart feels cold as ice, but it's anybody's guess *** Well, it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside Doctor, can you help me 'cause something don't feel right? *** Counselor, give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life *** And as the darkness falls, it fills up both my eyes My life before me like a flash in the night With my arms open wide"

"Snakes" by Pixies about the disaster he caused "Snakes Are coming to your town In tunnels underground Some travelling overground A plague for our mistakes They'll be right next to you Snakes up against me too There'll be nothing to do When the rattle shakes"

"Christmas Kids" by Roar about him trapped in a cage of a life he didn't choose "The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift And love is a tower where all of us can live *** I'm going to escape, but you won't know how Or where to find me when I'm gone I'll drink myself to death inside this prison cell This prison cell So get me out of here Get me out of here *** You'll change your name or change your mind And leave this fucked up place behind But I'll know, I'll know"

"Little Green Bag" by George Baker Selection (not really about his character. it's about a drug deal)

i apologize for a lot of text (i could write more tbg but a) i'm too lazy for it b) i need more time for this (which i just don't have) ) all this is probably ooc but idk idk. this is the version of his character that has settled in my head (and i honestly!!!!! rewrote him a lot in october-november because at some point i realized that i was actually giving him falcone's traits. just because falcone is 100% my type of character) anyway i hope you'll have a nice day/night/etc and all this mess will be interesting to read💓

[pendwelling]

Man, reading how heartbroken Cedric was over Yeseo's death was amazing. Chef's kiss. Like the GRIEF and the REGRET and especially the anger when there were SO MANY CLUES!! like that old woman who prophesied Jesse's death.. AND?! WHEN THEY FINALLY REUNITED AND THE MYTH-GRADE DEMONIC BEAST SHOWED UP.. BRO KNELT DOWN AND PROPOSED A COVENANT. MIDDLE NAME AND EVERYTHING. I felt like I was reading a marriage proposal even though I know that the rituals usually go this way 😭 also Aurelie bottling up her emotions after Jesse died.. HER GRIEF AND GUILT MAAAN. And when she was looking over Jesse's body at Juliette if I remember correctly she finally called him her child!! Only for it to go unheard by deaf ears.. SOB SOB AND EVAAA WHEN SHE VISITED JULIETTE AND ACKNOWLEDGING JESSE AS LIKE A BIG BROTHER 😭😭😭😭 I loved when the devine beasts awoke too when yeseo arrived. Twas amazing and it was very heartwarming reading the hope and joy the kids and johan etc. had that Jesse was back. Now, Cedric wants to lock him away back at the palace.. so mistakes won't be repeated 😭 even tho it isn't said and it's most likely johan used his wind ether, I like to think he bridle carried yeseo out of the barracks hehe wwww and our smart ga-in quickly figuring out yeseo's identity, but only after Jesse passed 😭 she was so ready to accept her too I loovee her. And the dynamic between Emma and her too lol.. I like the acknowledgement of same-sex attraction in TWSB idk bc usually in novels I read it's like the idea isn't even possible so it's nice lol "my mermaid" is such a nice name too knees weak lmfao. Also glad yeseo kept his purple eyes to a certain extent, bc I they're so pretty I was scared haha and idk I feel a little sad he's not called prince anymore (which is understandable ofc) but I loved seeing the difference in respect and honorifics when johan used more respectful terms towards yeseo since he sees him as his master.. anyways thanks for reading my long tangent if u got to the end LMFAO school is kicking my ass and I've been binging to forget the stress so like Jesse always says, "grab onto that small thread of hope!" Or whatever. fighting lesgoo!!!

GOD.

IVE LOWKEY BEEN ANTICIPATING YOUR THOUGHTS OVER POST-301 HAHAHJSMSK

THE GRIEF AND ANGERRRRRR 😭😭😭 GODAAMNNN SOOKYM REALLY JUST. KNOWS HOW TO CREATE EMOTIONAL BUILD UP AND TENSION SO SO SO WELL

I cry over Aurélie's reaction everyday :')))))) Jesse was her KID. HER PRECIOUS ONLY DISCIPLE!!!!! SHE WEPT OVER HIM AND READ HIM BOOKS BY HIS BODY'S BEDSIDE...... AND EVVVAVVAAAAAAA

Literally it was heart-wrenching reading Aurélie's reaction to finding out through GERRIT'S POV 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE BARELY KNOWS WHATS GOING ON!!! AURELIE BROKE DOWN!! SOMETHING BAD CLEARLY HAPPENED, BUT WHAT EXACTLY?

Absolutely devastating move of Sookym to pull, giving us the child outsider POV of such a heartbreaking scene :')))

Yeseo's debut into TWSB is also so exciting. The identity porn was real (the way he chose "Heineken" of all names as his alias is also so funny to me wKSJSKKSKSKS)

AND THEN THE PROPOSAL 😭😭😭 CÉDRIC RIESTER, WHY ARE YOU SO CHEESYYYYY DONT DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF BATTLE!!!! CHAIN JESSE'S SOUL TO YOUR SIDE ANOTHER DAY!!

Glad you mentioned Emma Corleone too hehe, I love the Admiral a lot wkdjkdkddk i have the hots for me.,,, My bi liege, if françois or chris dont want to be your next spouse............... im right here— //slapped

(also i feel you abt about the purple eyes! Theyre such a significant detail so im not surprised he kept them (even if only when using ether haha) but stil!!!! The purple eyes are great!!! Hes truly favoured by the universe's lord hehe)

It was nice hearing your thoughts!! I hope school goes easy on you soon as well!

[bookshelfdreams]

For the tarot ask game! My favorite! The "beating youself with sticks card" or as it's oficially known, 5 of wands.

(If you dont want to feel free to ignore)

Five of wands - conflict, fierce competition, fear of failure

(you didn't put a character so you're getting no one's favourite XD)

I wonder what it must be like to be Chauncey Badminton. Imagine, just for a moment. You have made it; you are an admiral in the royal navy, among highest military ranks one can achieve. You worked your way up, too, you achieved your station by your own merit. Your twin brother, who probably has been in the military just as long, is only a captain.

And your brother. You have the same face, but that's where the resemblance ends. Where you are ambitious, driven, pragmatic, he is careless and lacks discipline. I said earlier you joined the military together, but maybe that's not true. Maybe he came in later, after a string of failed ventures. Maybe you gave him a boat and told him to go hunt pirates and thought, There's no way for this to go wrong. An easy enough job, rewarding, something to keep him occupied.

How did you feel when you learned of his death?

Were you shocked? Did you recoil at the sight of his face, so much like your own, and barely recognizable?

And what did you think when one of his officers told you a man namend Bonnet was responsible?

Did you even remember him? I think you did. You remembered an easily frightened boy, weak, always crying. Awkward and ridiculous, someone whose mere sight filled you with disgust for reasons you wouldn't be able to articulate (not that anyone would ever expect you to).

He was who killed your brother? Stede Bonnet? Who could barely hold a rapier as a child, and most likely hasn't improved a wit as an adult? That Stede Bonnet?

Your brother's death is one thing but this, this is unacceptable. This is insulting. Of course death is always to be expected in service of king and country and all that. Dying honorably on the battlefield. But killed by an imbecile, and returned wrapped in a bizarre cat flag? How dare he.

And then there's something else, isn't there. The fleet is at your command the King says (that sniveling, drugged-up idiot, though you are very careful to keep such thoughts hidden) and you recognize a golden opportunity for what it is. A chance to once more prove yourself.

It should be easy, and it is, at first. You find a traitor, a pathetic excuse for a man, though you are careful not to let him know that. He disgusts you, as they all do.

You find the ship. You board the ship. Bonnet is exactly as you remember him, over-dressed, over-groomed, no spine to speak of. It takes barely five minutes for him to break down sobbing and sign a confession.

Pathetic.

Death by firing squad is practically a mercy. You could almost feel charitable as you pronounce the sentence. About time someone put Bonnet out of his misery.

Black beard, on the other hand - that's a formidable opponent. Even behind bars, even shackled and surrounded by guns, he has something to him, a captivating aura that makes you feel off-balance, like he's the one holding all the cards. His mere presence makes the ship feel off, makes the shadows seem darker, makes you wonder what hides behind corners. Of course you don't let that show, you have perfect control over yourself, but secretly you are more than happy to relinquish him into the hands of that traitor. He will not be your problem soon.

But.

Well, it all goes to shit after that, doesn't it? That pathetic little weakling inspiring such fierce loyalty in his crew of deplorables when they should be glad to be rid of him - that's one thing, but even your own damn officers take his side!

Taking measures! Against you!

Putting their filthy hands on you, when you're an admiral, for fuck's sake!

They don't quite lock you up, but you're brought to your cabin and it's strongly suggested you do not leave it. They even have the gall, the audacity to post someone at your door. You can see his back through the little window. You ought to have them all degraded, disciplined, flogged as soon as you make land and are in the company of sane people again.

This is akin to mutiny.

And it just - it will not end. You keep waiting for a moment when everyone wakes up, when people will realize what they did, to you. You! You keep waiting for your sailors to look at each other in horror, then beg your forgiveness.

But no. Bonnet is enrolled in the privateering academy, just like that, like it means nothing that he murdered an English officer. Your brother! Twice, thrice, four times the man Bonnet will ever be (all Nigel's many personality flaws nonwithstanding. You were well aware of his drinking, his mean streak, his attitude that could veer off into carelessness, at times).

No, Bonnet, completely unscathed, prancing around like he owns the fucking place, like he has any right to be there. Here. On this island, this earth.

(Maybe that's the point where you look at your bottle and wonder, briefly, where the contents went. You ignore the look the innkeeper gives you as you gesture for another.)

No, there's no sign of things turning back normal. Is there. It's Bonnet; something about him that just - well turns everything upside down, doesn't it? Nothing's as it. Fucking. Supposed to be.

You're not supposed to suffer this insubordination. Your brother isn't supposed to be dead.

There's the barracks. Strangely, you don't recall getting up, or walking here, but now that you are, it is obvious what you must do. Bonnet is supposed to be dead.

You're only rectifying that

[strangertheories]

I feel like there's too much discourse surrounding Mike's character nowadays that you cannot really talk about his character without it being turned into a ship war situation or slander. It also feels weird because many people seem to think that his character can be 'good or bad' based on Byler/Mlvn happens or not and it's just...? Do you even like him as a character or just perceive him from ship POVs then? It's like saying you wouldn't like Lucas or Max if they broke up or you wouldnt like Hopper, Joyce, Nancy etc if they just entered a relationship that you personally dont like. Because a character cannot be primarily defined or perceived based on shipping reasons, because they also have to stand on their own characterwise.... Max is my fav character and I wouldn't dislike or love her based on her romance choices. Yet whenever I see takes about Mike's character it just seems like both sides only ever focus on his romantic endgame. Or oftentimes just misinterpret his character by inventing made-up things about him that do not exist in canon. So is he that weak of a character then idk, because it seems like Mlvns will just hate him if he ends up with Will and many Bylers will call him a badly written character if he continues to be in a relationship with El or if the narrative doesnt turn out the way they expect or *exactly* want it to be. And it's especially kind of annoying when these both sides just want to insert Mike into a category that they like but when you just look at it, it sounds like they don't even like the canon!Mike but the fanon!version of it.

OH MY GOD, YES. I do get why people will like him less if Byler is not endgame, less because of Byler but more because they interpret Mike within the frame of being queer which means their justification for his behaviour or the reason they relate to him is now gone. However, I also think it's important to remember that he's 14 and traumatized and him getting angry at Will doesn't have to be projection or secretly be him being the best guy ever. He is flawed, canonically, and he has been a bad friend to Will since S2.

But people tend to act like he's an evil asshole or a perfectly innocent guy because their analyses are working backwards from each of those conclusions. I used to actually not like Mike very much, and I'm still not a huge fan, but I think understanding why he has his flaws without explaining them away helped me to understand him more. Also someone edited him to First Love, Late Spring by Mitski and I'm not even joking when I say it was the first time his characterisation clicked for me. And the show has been making this explicit, both in his need to be needed and his depression in S2, but they've not been as effective as writing him in years.

Even within the show, Mike is always defined in relation to other characters ever since S3 when he was less of a central character. In S2, they introduced all of his struggles with depression and emotional issues because of his loss of Eleven which was solved when El returned but it never really addressed the actual root issues that he had. I think fans analysing this behaviour from that perspective is completely valid because I do it too.

He could have a lot of depth but I feel fans give him much more than the show has awarded him in a way that Byler endgame can't exclusively solve. Because whilst they can write him falling in love with Will, they've given themselves eight episodes to break up his 4 season relationship, have him accept his queerness, come out and get with Will. And whilst I'd enjoy that, I also think they've just not written Mike as well in the later seasons. This may sound silly, but there's a point when I blame a character's actions on the writers and not the characters. Think of Nancy and Steve being weird in S4.

Overall, I think the route of this issue is that they didn't know what to do with him after S2. His primary goal in S1 was to find Will. His primary goals in S2 were to "get over" El and to help Will. In S3, his goal was having a good relationship with El and in S4 it was to confess his love (which he already did?). The issue with the last two seasons is that it felt like they were working backwards from a conclusion. They wanted conflict but didn't know how to and so he became a bad friend and bad boyfriend so he could have a character arc.

And I know we can explain his behaviour from a Byler POV which is why I do think it impacts my perception of the character, but Mike's "it's not my fault you don't like girls" line, Mike not contacting Will, Mike not noticing Will was crying, Mike saying the best day of his life was the one where Will went missing (I think the Duffers forgot that context too), and Mike being unable to effectively communicate with El feel out of character to me. In S1, we saw how even when angry with Eleven, he was highly emotionally intelligent and was able to communicate effectively. And we saw his special bond with Will in S2 where he was highly aware of Will's emotions, much more so than the other people in his life. And then by the next Summer, that was all gone. Even his whole "need to be needed" thing fell flat for me because it felt a bit random, it would've been way better for me if they had instead looked at his fear of loss or emotional repression or parental issues.

Jesus, this post grew arms and legs. TL;DR: Mike isn't an evil asshole and he has depth but he's also been failed by the writers in a way people justify with fanon but not the canon text. Byler helps to improve his character, but he's not been written outside of his relationships, romantically or platonically, and his struggles with mental health get solved by the power of love or whatever. Don't get me wrong, people hating Mike is bad but acting like they just don't understand the show or are stupid is also bad in my opinion. Everyone is just trying to fill in the gaps left by his under-writing in the later seasons.

[marshmallowprotection]

PLEASE DONT GET EATEN BY TUMBLR ;;;

Hi!! This is technically two requests but one is on Suit Saeran, kind of like another ask I saw about him and forgiveness, but a little different, I guess? Kind of, and the other one is more general, only really personal to me

But it would be so so lovely if you could answer these!!! Please!! XD

I've been hauling along Ray's mentality for literally years. Since I was in my younger teen years until now (I'm at college) I've struggled a lot with anxiety and just awful problems with rock bottom sefl-belief, esteem and worth

So when Suit Saeran broke out I was terrified because like, wasn't Ray's weaknesses and mentality the very thing he despised and wanted to stamp out?? Wouldn't he hate me, who was just like Ray? Or actually...would Ray try to hang around longer because we were so similar, or would Suit Saeran just go NO LET ME AT HER !!! >:(

Even though in reflection of Saeran's journey, I do understand why Suit Saeran manifested, but somehow still, just the look in his eyes when he threatens the player, scares me. When he has you backed against the wall, trapped by his entire body on the floor, grabbing your wrists - that in itself is horrifying

But his motive to want nothing but make you experience pain and suffering and saying something like he's going to laugh while you scream

I feel like I just can't help but be terrified. I'd be frozen and I'd be like jelly in his hands. And that's exactly what he 'wants'. I'd be his good little toy out of fear. And Unknown's favourite victim too I bet

I've always felt as though I was weak-willed and strengthless

But if Suit Saeran is really pushing that even more onto me - even though he truly doesn't mean to - I just...

That would really get to me, I think. Because I guess, allowing yourself to beat yourself up is one thing, but a scary guy you thought was your charming, equally timid soft-hearted prince starts screaming at you with the insults which already crush you down

I feel like Suit Saeran would actually tear my heart apart. Even if it was just a little bit, because I understand how beautifully Saeran came whole again in his GE - I feel like some of it would...stay. If those insults were so deep-rooted in me before all of Suit Saeran's chaos exploded...I don't know if I could manage seeing his face in peace when as the highly sensitive and emotional person I am, can still vividly remember how he was??

He never truly hurt the player. They all were empty threats, but even they stabbed at me like knives - just, the thought of it.

But then I feel guilty because the pain and fear I feel is absolutely nothing in comparison to his.

Why should I be shrinking and shaking when I need to understand that he's struggling so much more??

I sway in and out of I need to forgive him so much that I'm dizzy.

On the surface, I care about him so much. And I'm so happy with GE Saeran's freedom.

But inside, I remember Suit Saeran and his methods, if you want to call it that(..?) still haunt me, sort of?

The way he behaved was a defence mechanism for his trauma, he was projecting it all because he thought it would make him better. But even though I know all this I find it so hard to let go.

..

I'm happy that Suit Saeran embraced peace in the end.

But I want to know how Ray did it...

Because Ray...is my reflection.

I want to know how he was able to gather that strength enough to beat his fears.

Or maybe I don't need that strength just yet.

Maybe I don't need the power of Suit Saeran

Maybe I just need Ray.

Maybe I just need somebody who feels the same way that I do, like him. And who'll understand it. And who'll know exactly why Endless Struggle is my favourite song of the soundtrack.

I know some people might think that Ray was just a stepping stone to reach GE Saeran. And maybe even that he's not as important as other characters

But sometimes I feel like he'd be the most understanding of them all. He's so tender and loving, deep in his heart. Even if he struggles to express it or doesn't know what to do, he...still is.

He has pain and scars, and sometimes the player might too, like me. Maybe that's why I connect with and cling so dearly to him.

He's not just a mirror image of me

He's validation.

He feels that way too, so it's okay that I can. Even if nobody else understands it. Or even sees it.

And maybe his is a special kind of love

Where it takes one half of both of our hearts to make whole.

Those halves it'd take would be the parts in pain

And when they come together, our wounds, although not necessarily healed just yet - would just simply...feel safe.

Safe in eachother, and understood, protected.

Even though Ray alone mightn't be enough to save himself, and even though I'm probably not that strong either, I'd just want to be there for him.

But then he wouldn't heal, would he? He needs that journey

I just can't solve anything XD

...

Ray...you're so special to me. I care about you so much. But I don't feel like I have the power to save you. I'm not strong enough. I'm just...not.

What would he say, if I told him this?

I'm picturing tears

He doesn't even need me

~

IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT

The other thing I wanted to say is this

Like I was saying when I was talking about myself in the beginning of this message, I struggle a lot irl, especially with loneliness and feelings of isolation, because I'm actually disabled. I'm legally blind - which for me means although I do have a fair bit of sight and can do things like read and write, I can't do more serious things like drive XD

A visual impairment is difficult because it's an invisible disability. If you don't have a white cane or guide dog, you look just like anybody else, especially if you do have some sight and can manage in the 'normal' world, extremely well.

People I know forget that I can't see everything. A lot of the time I can pretend really well. Too well.

I hide a lot of my negative feelings, my loneliness and just feeling so misunderstood. I can see. But at the same time, I can't. Literally half and half. Only one of my eyes has sight. Peripheral isn't great though.

...

I feel so lonely a lot.

Mystic Messenger is the first otome game I've ever played

I actually got it for a laugh, like...to make jokes of it and stuff, because that's what I thought people usually thought of these kind of romance/boyfriend scenario games, like they weren't to be taken so seriously, things like that

But Mystic Messenger blew my mind

It felt like I'd found a group of people - even though they don't know me and anything about I struggle with, visual impairment, loneliness, social neglect - they didn't know at all, but it just seemed like they were a group of people who...finally understood me.

Somehow.

My first route was Yoosung. We're both stressed college students so I thought that was funny

But even just how he is so nice to the player got to me. He's shamelessly kind and sweet. And funny!

I got his good ending first try (with a bit of email help hahaa) but I was STUNNED BY HIS EYE

YOOSUNG

Even though it had happened in a horrific, horrific way - Yoosung was...just like me.

Oh my gosh I worded that horribly

All i meant was like

It was an even deeper sense of connection and understanding? ?

Because suddenly - even though nobody irl could ever know what it's like to have the problems and the stress that I do and the pain that comes with that...suddenly Yoosung, my first ever otome route (and still secretly my favourite character along with Ray and GE Saeran but don't tell them), knew.

Yoosung knows!!!

We can muddle through life together, right ? XDD

One eye squad assemble!!!

XDDD

...

..

One of the most common ways a visually impaired person gets around is by a sighted guide, and that just means the person would hold onto somebody's arm, usually by the elbow or in the crook of their arm, and they'd lead them around. It's usually really good for crossing really busy roads and stuff like that, or, if you just have no clue where you are! XD

..

Could I take the arms of the RFA to be guided? I can just imagine Seven getting me to gallop with him like a horse, and Zen strutting along or something

Jumin would probably be the only truly responsible one

Actually V, too! (OMG ADD HIM TO THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED GANG!! I FORGOT ABOUT HIM)

XDDD

I'm very biased XDD but I've...always imagined that Ray and/or GE Saeran would be the most gracious, patient and beautiful guide I could ever ask for. I'd trust him so much XDD

When it comes to Ray... well, I'm sure it's hard to see how he comes to the conclusion of inner peace. I think since change is something that is not outright apparent to most people, it can be hard to see how he found himself.

But you have to take the bits and pieces that you experienced from the entirety of the route instead of looking at what's just happening on and after Day 7. We have to look at the things that Ray was doing just before he was punished. He was very much starting to go against everything that had been beaten into his skull about being loyal to Mint Eye.

He began to lie to his Savior’s face and he went above and beyond to keep you from having to drink the elixir. The gears started turning in his head very quickly. You could see that he was starting to think about a life outside of Magenta.

He is well aware that Mint Eye is not a good place. But, just because he's aware of that fact, it doesn't mean that he can fight it. It is one of those things where he knows that it's a bad place but compared to the outside world and having to fight his father? He's willing to risk this suffering if he stays alive. It's complicated for him... in more ways than one.

But, you have to understand one thing. By the time you kissed him and he was able to do some self-reflection, he realized that you made him feel more alive than anything ever has. It was at that point when the gear started turning in his head. He was starting to think about what it would be like if he could leave that place with you. The only reason why those thoughts could never grow further or come to fruition is that it was tortured out of him. 

He even admits when he comes out once again on the 9th day that he started to believe that he could leave that place. But, it was shut down almost as quickly as it came to fruition. It was tortured out of him for a reason. Rika doesn’t want him to leave. She is using him as a tool to get what she wants. She can't afford to lose it. She doesn't have the time to train somebody else to do everything that she's already taught him how to do.

He was already having dreams of what he wanted and how he could find peace. That's the thing about Ray. He clings so desperately to a chance to be happy. He keeps believing that things will be okay in the end even if he's been stomped on a hundred times. A part of him was already on the way to having peace… It's just that he's only able to finally reach that point of conclusion after both he and Suit Saeran can see and agree on what Mint Eye is and isn’t. 

I understand perfectly, don't worry. I'm disabled, too. I know what that feels like even if we have different disabilities. Sometimes it's easy to be hard on yourself because you wish that you could keep pushing yourself to do what other people can, but you don't have to push yourself. You don't need to be inspirational to others. You just need to be yourself and take things at your pace. Live your life, and don't let anyone make you feel like you need to fit in with the rest of society.

You don't need to force yourself to do things that other people can do. People should respect what you are capable of and learn to meet you instead of asking you to meet them. The RFA would be there for you and help you in any way you needed. They'll cheer you on every step of the way. Sure, they might all be a little clumsy at first as they learn what's right and wrong in terms of helping others, but they're all determined to do right by others. I have a lot of faith in the RFA when it comes to how far they'll go to care for others.

So, yeah, I imagine you'll be safe with all of them. Especially Saeran since he wants to make sure that you feel safe and comfortable with him. Hold onto his arm, ask him for help, or let him stand by and see you handle something yourself. He'll go at your pace and listen to the needs you have. He doesn't want to infantize you or assume you need his help all the time. He wants to learn the ups and downs. Give him a bit of time to figure it all out.

[ambivalence-and-torpor]

Hm.... Lyz I want to share just something I know about them.. just between us. Ok? You've mentioned it before- those forbidden things you talked about.. how they only do that with strangers.. have you maybe thought.. They're trying to be respectful in return? I can't be in their mind.. but I feel like they're trying not to treat you like these strangers? If they really didnt care about how you felt.. dont you think they wouldve just. Taken the chance? I know it'd not happy thoughts ..

But avoiding talking about it.. is .. rather childish?

I know its not a complete solve to your.. feelings.. be it how complicated they are.. and with how they act in return.. but.. if you think it's the best choice. I'll support it. Just.. I feel like you're being a little too considerate? Hahah.. But you've always been so sweet and considerate about these things..

AA: ♡♡♡ Just... between... us? I-I uhm... I-I don’t uhm... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ I-I don’t know isn’t this kind of a breach of... y-you know... privacy? N-Not that I don’t uhm... b-believe you, but... I... ah... ♡♡♡

They paused, kneading their fingers a little bit as they listened to what was said.

AA: ♡♡♡ I-I know... I know they care about me... I don’t doubt that... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ I uhm... I know you’re trying to uhm... to comfort me, but... I doubt they would have uhm... e-ever called me their uhm... their friend, if... if they didn’t care about me... so uhm... ♡♡♡

Elyzia took a slow, deep breath, attempting to keep themselves as calm as possible. Not exactly an easy task when your heart feelt like it was cracking open in a plethora of uncomfortable and painful ways. Lyz would never dare and try stop their own heart from doing its job, of course. Heartbreak was just part of it, not something to be feared or avoided all together... but that didn’t mean it was pleasant, or easy to deal with.

AA: ♡♡♡ Sometimes I think... I think it would be easier if they didn’t care... If they didn’t consider me to be their friend... if... if there... if there wasn’t... anything between us... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ M-Maybe I am... ch-childish, I mean... maybe... maybe the others were right from the get go... maybe I was... never meant to be... to be out here... m-maybe I should have stayed in Elysium... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ W-What kind of Cupid am I anyway? One that befriended the enemy... and then fell in love with them... even started to desire them... if they knew what I was doing... it’s almost like I’m proving e-everything they ever said about me right... how I’m too small, too weak... unpure... ♡♡♡

They had a lot more to say, remembering all of the insults that had been thrown at them in the past, but Lyz forced themselves to pause, unwilling to delve deeper into whatever dark thoughts were brewing in their mind. No, they were past this. They shouldn’t repeat those awful things, even if it was all too easy to fall into past habits.

AA: ♡♡♡ S-Sorry... I uhm... I went a little... uhm... o-overboard... i-ignore that, please... ♡♡♡

Elyzia didn’t even seem to notice the tears that had spilled, pretending like nothing had happened.

AA: ♡♡♡ O-Of course I’m considerate of my friends. Th-That’s what uhm... what friends do. And... h-how could I not be uhm... c-considerate of their feelings, when... when they’re being so considerate of... of mine? ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ Y-You said it yourself... they care about me... that’s why... that’s why they refused me... and... and that’s why... they... they want to treat me well... and they uhm... they do treat me very... kindly... and I appreciate it... and I love them for it... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ The... the very least... least I can do is... respect their boundaries... and I’ve... I’ve been breaching them... multiple times... I... I need to stop... the things I’m doing... they... they’re not okay... I’m being selfish... I’m pushing things onto him that he doesn’t want... ♡♡♡

AA: ♡♡♡ I should... I should apologize... I... I will... I will apologize... just... just gotta get myself... sorted... I-I guess... ♡♡♡

[lanshappycorner]

i was rlly hoping that id have coherent things to say over your akuta and akushio threads on twt but i fucken dont have anything except just incoherent screaming and keysmashes /pos running through my head everytime i reread them so im just settling on just to say, one? HANDSHAKING YOU AT MACH SPEEDS I ALSO WANT TO AKUTA BREAKDOWN IN FRONT OF DAY2 BC CMON!!!! (side b tls arent complete but ive been spoiled a bit) but god the amt of breaking points (which i all favorited on eitori as i read along the tls bc why not) i was SO sure wouldve shown akuta outwardly disheartened and then DIDNT happen was just, felt like a damn chekovs breakdown in this instance, just WAITING for the shoe to drop, (which it does seem to, eventually, and im waiting to get absolutely WRECKED once tls for that moment drop) i absolutely love the way you break down akutas incapability of showing vulnerability as a whole bc of this just. notion that if he "breaks character" he'll just. lose the ppl that he has in his life? im bad at verbalizing my thoughts but everything on ur thread just had me pointing like YES, YES EXACTLY!!! i think. like looking back a lot of ppl in the game comment "wow nothing rlly brings akuta down!!! im glad!!" and it just makes me want to hit a wall, i am so so SO sad that hes able to hide this so well??? or at least, just, in a way that ppl around him just go "oh he'll bounce back, this is good ol' akuta, i dont need to worry too much"???? and the specific mention of his um vocal tics? vocal quirks? makes me want to revisit said chapters where his voice does that bc its such an interesting thing that i did notice but cld again never articulate, and how he always leaves- no, rather he tries to get away from people once he gets dejected and loses that rasp in voice and, adopting This into the belief system, him being on the verge of crying (which is such a thought that breaks my damn heart so bad) i remember reading the tl for akutas novel and just feeling my heart absolutely Crumble at the way his thoughts were running once the whole jig was up with sayochan "as long as no one gets hurt, its whatever" and like WHAT ABOUT YOU!!! YOU GOT HURT FROM THIS!!! (and im so so so glad that day2 and the whole of HAMAhouse was angry on his behalf n went to cheer him up and just, good god kid you have ppl who love you they wont leave if you show some vulnerability i promise, fuck) this isnt short anymore i apologize, ,, (1/?)

HELLO ANON THANK U FOR THE ASK THIS MADE ME VERY HAPPY !!!!!!!🫶🫶🫶 I've been stewing over what to say so it took me a while to reply but . Yeah

ANYWAY SO if you have not yet read side B you are in for a ride ....some of the things he says about himself will have u screaming crying throwing up fr (spoilers i guess but one thing he straight up says is that he's (or rather, his existence is) a nuisance . so thats great <3) he made me audibly gasp in horror.......it probably hits different too because throughout the story he has kept his cool and insists that things don't bother him so when the dam breaks...ohhh...💀💀

(Also speaking of his voice I went back and replayed that chapter where he's in the theater dressed as a crab and you can kinda see that in his voice again😭 and also his usual coping mechanism happens when the mc suggests they wait a while longer for more ppl to show up and he just jokes that his butt hurts from sitting, but his laugh was really weak like he was completely trying to play it off😭 He also somewhat drops the usual raspiness in his voice when he starts to ramble right before the movie but it's not because he's sad but because he's genuinely excited to talk which makes me so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

BUT SAME THOUGH . HIS NOVEL MADE ME FROWN SO HARD.....he downplays a lot of his own emotions in favor of other people's feelings and he doesn't express his own anger....I'm so glad the ppl in HAMA House are there to support him😭 I hope one day he learns he can be more vulnerable with them because they all care for him and would never abandon him😭😭)

as for the Akushio thread!! I have to agree that their appearances do betray how you'd expect them to be, as with a lot of day2 tbh !! Like a lot of their 1st impressions don't line up with how they actually are/think (i would talk abt it but if I did we'd be here all day so that's for another time💀)

I can't say for sure but I feel like u might be onto smth abt Akuta twisting a lot of stuff ppl say into compliments. Like as long as it's not straight up an insult, he can appreciate that ppl r taking time to talk to him I think

(I agree I hope he gets to talk to taichi although that might be because I'm biased as a taichi akuta oshi)

OOO OKAY so I think that if Ushio ever confessed I think. I think it would break Akuta's brain for a second😭 probably because it's Ushio of all people like rly??? USHIO?? but also he might find himself doubting it for a moment he might think that it was a joke but also he knows Ushio wouldn't joke about that ....so he might have to take some time to himself to think abt this, and he might need Ushio to like. Talk to him in depth abt how he feels abt him😭 (speaking of which I've kinda had an idea similar to an akushio confession but not rly ?? bouncing around in my head for a while now so mayhaps I will draw that sometime...)

NO YEAH IM OBSESSED....Akuta going to Ushio for affection is so cute (although I'm pretty sure he goes in expecting that Ushio would not agree💀) ....I hope one day Akuta goes to Ushio for affection again and Ushio actually does it and this freaks Akuta out so bad he gets really red and nosebleeds or smth idk

Anyway to answer the last part of ur ask, don't worry this isn't imposing or anything I love talking abt my blorbos<3 there's very few ppl who like this ship and stuff anyway so I rly appreciate it, ty for the nice ask anon!🫶🫶

[secretsally444]

Hi. I'm new to this whole thing so please excuse me for my directness but I'm desperately in need for an advice.

So I've been crushing on a guy in since high school. We were there together in the same college, but in different courses. We never talked, not even once. Just made eye contact a few times. Recently we both graduated college and a few days back I decided to tell him how i felt qbout him anonymously. I text him from a newly made Instagram account because I didn't want him to know who i was.

I wrote him a message appreciating how he looks in all his posts. Complimenting him and having sweet little talks with him. He seemed interested to text even though i was a complete stranger to him. He even asked where i was from and guessed that we were from the same place. I told him that i can't tell him and he seemed fine. Our first conversation ended wishing eachother a good day.

I wasn't able to contain my happiness and re-read our conversations, after which i realised how cringe i sounded in the texts i had send him. I wrote him a message,

"Hey, just wanted to say sorry if my

Messages were a bit cheesy and cringe.

It was actually on my bucket list to

send texts like that, and my cousins

dared me to do it for a laugh. Hope you

don't mind the silliness"

To this he replied: "cool"

After this his replies were blunt. He answered in one or two words, late replies even. So in middle of the conversation i confessed to him that i had a crush on him for a very long time and that he has an attractive, magnetic and charming personality. (Im sorry ik i sound cringe)

To this he replied: "Thank you. ☺️"

I again wrote him an apology msg:

''I'm again sorry to have weirded you out

by randomly texting you, that too, not

from my main account. It's weird ik. It's

just that I had a crush on you for a quite

awhile and it was nice talking to you."

He replied: "I could follow your main account. What is your main account. Tell me." He kept insisting.

I rejected the idea saying that i will be embarrassed if he followed me. He replied with: "cool"

I lastly texted "okay" which he hasn't seen till now although he's online most of the time and its been days now.

I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him about random things without him knowing my identity, who i am exactly. But at the same time I feel i ruined things from the start. I feel i should have kept things within me and not pull this stunt. Talking to him felt nice for a moment and i wished i could talk to him for some more time.

He has always been the most popular boy with huge friend circle and has an intimidating personality. He's the cliché main character, which is one of the reason why i dont ever wanna reveal my identity.

What should i do? I want to talk to him but at the same time i think i would seem weird doing so. Any advice?

Wow Anon, if I had a nickel for the amount of times I have been in a similar situation... I would be a very rich woman.

First of all, this is all incredibly normal. I want to make sure you know that. It's so hard putting yourself in a position where you could be rejected, and even harder when it's someone who you have felt a connection to for a very long time.

No matter what the outcome I want you to remember these things:

Your feelings are valid

You are worthy of love

Relationships do not define you.

Your self-worth is rooted in who you are and you don't need someone else to make you a better person... You are already enough!

Now... onto the advice!

"Main Character" is a myth. We all have strengths, weaknesses, fears, passions, faults, and skills. Just because someone is more "mainstream" doesn't mean they are unapproachable. You have every right to interact with and be connected to him, even if it may seem like he is popular and intimidating. I encourage you to be bold.

As hard and uncomfortable as it is, if you want this to be a real relationship/if you want to make a genuine connection with him you're going to have to put yourself out there. There's a saying that we throw around at work a lot... "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." Being direct is scary, but ultimately it's the only way you will know for sure. I think there is a lot of value in being open and being yourself. You have no reason to hide your identity from him. I know that idea is scary since there is the possibility he may not want to talk, but if you're wanting to genuinely get to know him you will need to embrace the un-comfy.

Since you don't have a super close relationship yet, I would also say start as friends and nothing more! Take the pressure off of your interactions by just embracing the friendship helps you feel like you can be yourself more.

Confidence is key. If you approach him confidently and explain that you have wanted to get to know him I believe that you will have more success than if you created another anonymous Instagram to do so. Like I said earlier, this is always the risk they he may say no... but if you're anything like me, you'd rather try than never know...

I think being honest and communicating clearly will get you far and in your situation I truly believe that it's the best possible solution. Be Bold, Be Brave, Be Unapologetic! The worst thing he can say is no, and in that case he's not worth your time any way. You deserve the best!

I hope this was helpful Anon, and if you need more specific advice or have further questions, please message me anytime!

[shjapologist]

do you have any favorite moments in s-classes that i raised?

sure! spoilers under the cut

song taewon finding out han yoohyun (who was on his team) doesnt know shit about guns like 10 minutes before a full blown gun fight against han yoojin and sung hyunjae

anytime the gang is in a grocery store

han yoojin making everyone crash sung hyunjae's forced christian wedding because he Knew it was a forced christian wedding No yoohyun we are not leaving him behind even if he didnt FUCKING INVITE ME

the entire hyj kidnapping/christmas nightmare arc. all 100 chapters of it.

yerim making friends with a bunch of fish spirits. it was very ghibli yerim is so special

sung hyunjae birthday arc is an all time fave definitely

the time han yoohyun gets his memories briefly snatched by jellyfish and thinks his brother is going to fucking die

Sung Hyunjae S-rank Confiscated. i wish geunseo would bring it back

christmas nightmare needs a mention again

the line that went something like "even if you were to stay at the very bottom of the sea, i will stand on the beach and wait for you" han yoojin you know that you can never truly understand your brother but you'll always try the best you can to HUH !!!!!!!! HUH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jinjae's "you were only an item to me" "and you a useful skill to me"

this:

sung hyunjae seeing gyeol for the first time while he's literally about to blow up and subsequent dialogue of (hyj)"SUNG HYUNJAE DONT LOOK AT THE KID THATS TOO MUCH INFORMATION TO TAKE IN AT ONCE" (shj)"i dont care if i die i have to see this"

the jinjae epic scamming team chapter

the few chapters between the end of christian wedding and sung hyunjae getting possessed by himself(again). just sung hyunjae and two people he met 2 days ago going on a trip to the alps

han yoojin assuring his (dead) prereg friends get good jobs/housing postreg.. just a benevolent rich person here.. dont worry about it..

havent read sclass in a while so i may have forgotten some! but yeah these all made my brain fry to varying degrees

[i-cant-sing]

Yandere Rei Hurting Reader Pt2

Yes yes. Its out now. I won't delete this one. Enjoy!

Part 1 is here. Part 3 here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Todoroki Clan:

It had been so awful at first. So hard for everyone to adjust to the new change. Of course, it was especially difficult for you to adapt to the new circumstances.

When you had first woken up after the unfortunate incident, approximately 3 days later, you didn't expect to be home so soon. You expected- you hoped that you would wake up in the hospital and have them call the authorities. Then again, you also didn't expect never being able to use your eyes again.

Shotou was the first one to notice when you had woken up from your coma. He hadn't left your side since the accident. He jumped from his seat beside you and held the glass of water to your lips when you tried to speak. The family came rushing in when he called for them, announcing that you had woken up. You could hear Fuyumi and her crying tears of joy as Natsuo came to check your vitals. You knew your eyes were bandaged, which was expected because of the hot oil that was poured on them, but when you asked Natsuo when they were coming off, he went silent. Your heart sank when he told you what had happened, how your eyes were fucking fried to the point that the arteries supplying them were also destroyed, which meant they couldn't be replaced, ever.

You screamed a lot that day; you would've cried but you didn't have any tear ducts. You didn't let anyone touch you at first, especially Rei. You would scream, throw yourself away from her if you felt her come near you. Eventually, Natsuo put some sort of tranquilliser into your IV, finally calming you down.

Being blind was hard, you knew that. But you didn't know that it would also be this humiliating. After the accident, they had starting infantalizing you even more, doing the most miniscule things for you.

Shotou would be the first person who greeted you in the morning and usually the last person to put you to bed at night. He would carry you around everywhere you go, telling you its simply unsafe for you to walk on your own. Sure you bumped into the furniture a few times and it was a bit hard maintaining your balance, but that didn't mean you needed him to carry you around everywhere. You had asked him to get you a cane, but he only said "why do you need a stick when you have me? Just tell me where you want to go". 

Each morning, Shotou would take you down the stairs to the toilet and more often than not, have Fuyumi come and help you, even for brushing your teeth. Then he would take you to the dining table where everyone is waiting for you. Fuyumi would give your breakfast to Shotou, who would cut it up and feed you. Once you're done eating, you would wait for Shotou to finish his food. During breakfast, everyone would make small talk while you remained quiet. After everyone's finished eating, Fuyumi and Rei would take dishes to sink. You would've helped, but everyone's pretty much forbidden you from entering the kitchen.

Shotou would then carry you either to his room or the living room, where he would turn on the TV and tell you what's happening. But since this always makes you remember how you don't have eyes, he would usually just read you some book. Somehow, they're always about princesses and fairytales. You were getting sick of hearing them.

Fuyumi would later come and fetch you, and take you to your bath. While you would be cleaning yourself, after politely declining help from Fuyumi each time, she would be out preparing your clothes for the day. She would explain to you what you're wearing and how you look, and how she's going to style your hair. As if any of these things mattered to you. But even if they did, its not like you'd have a say in anything.

You still remember the first time you were taking a bath, after finally convincing Fuyumi to let you have the "luxury" to clean yourself up. You finally had some time for yourself, alone and away from the rest of the house. You sank in the warm water in the tub, allowing yourself to relax. The privacy was comforting, but not long lasting, as you felt cold hands touch your shoulders. In an instant, you jumped away screaming. "GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Rei tried coming closer to you but you kept on screeching at the top of your lungs, alerting the whole house. "FUYUMI! SHOTOU! GET HER AWAY! SHOTOU GET HER AWAY!" At that point you didn't even care if they saw you nude, they just need to save you from her. The siblings rushed to the bathroom and upon seeing your huddled form in the corner and their mother sobbing, Fuyumi hastily covered you with a towel while Shotou took Rei out of there.

Shotou tried to make you understand that Rei was just trying to help you. That she just missed you and wanted to take care of you. He was basically telling you not to be afraid of her, and that your trauma is not valid. You stopped talking to him after that, only spoke when absolutely necessary.  

Natsuo would pick you up after your bath while Fuyumi went to make lunch. He would check your eyes (or lack there of), put on some ointments and replace the bandages with fresh ones. Fuyumi would come with your lunch and after she'd fed you, Natsuo would give you your medicine. They always make you sleepy, so you'd be put down for a nap.

Dabi wasn't always around, but when he was, he was still the asshole he was before. He would move your things to different places, or place stuff in your way so that'd you'd trip (he always caught you before you face planted), all so that you would ask him for help he could get a rise out of you. But you would just sigh and move on.

Enji liked to take you to the garden and read you books and newspapers. It was alright you guess, but you wanted to do something yourself, especially since they still didn't take you out of the house. You had asked him for a Braille, but he only replied "You don't need to stress yourself with that. I'll always be there to read you whatever you want." 

If Enji's running late, then Shotou would take you to the swings in the garden, pushing you as he tells what happened at school or with friends. After dinner, you’d be forced to spend some more time with your siblings, before you’d be tucked into bed.

That has been the routine for the past 6 months since your accident. And the family really felt like everything was returning to normal. It was, for them. This is how they always wanted things to happen: you, locked up in the house while they stripped you of all autonomy and infantalized you to the point where it was harming you, both physically and mentally. Your body was growing weak, your muscles got easily fatigued from their lack of use. And the pills Natsuo gave you didn't really help the case. They made you sleepy, and you think they even caused hallucinations since you felt like someone was in your room or someone was playing with your hair.

Even though you were stuck at home all day, you still never talked to Rei. Well she tried, but you would be the one to always flinch away. She wouldn't address herself when she entered your room, but you would still feel her lurking around the corners. And why should you acknowledge her? Especially after what she's done? 

Enji wasnt ignorant of your condition. He could see how quiet you had gotten, and how scared you were of Rei. He was getting worried for you. What were you thinking about? Enji knew if he didn't talk to you, things will get worse.

You were sitting by the lounge window with Fuyumi who was telling you about her day. Fuyumi greeted him when he came in the room. "Hey, dad!" Enji nodded. "Fuyumi, would you leave us? I'd like to talk to Y/n." Fuyumi nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead before she left the room, only Enji noticing how you stiffened at her affection. He sat beside you and cleared his throat. "How are you?" "Fine. You?"you softly asked. "I'm good, too. I wanted to talk to you about something. About...your mom." "My mom's dead." Enji cleared his throat. "I meant Rei." "Oh. What about her?" "Why haven't you been talking to her?" You remained silent. “What happened was an accident-” “It wasnt an accident. An accident is spilling milk. Not pouring hot oil in someone’s eyes.” Enji knew this was coming.“She didn’t do it on purpose-” You cut him off again. “She did! She knew exactly what she was doing.” “Why would she do that?” “I don’t know. She hates me or something.” Enji grabbed your hand gently. “You know that's not true. Rei loves you very much and she cares about you a lot.” You didn't say anything. “Do you remember the day you came to our house?” You nodded. “Yeah. It was a few days after my parents funeral.” “Yes. And do you remember what Rei said to you?” You stiffened before nodding again. “She said that she may not be my real mother, but she’ll love me more than anyone ever has and ever will. Always.” “Yes. And has she not? Has she not loved you more than anyone?” You nodded slowly as Enji continued. “Between you and me, she’s always favoured you among all of your siblings.” You smiled at that. “So, are you willing to give your mother a chance?” You paused for a few minutes. “I- I cant.” Enji sighed. “Look. I know you’re scared. I understand. I know you want to blame Rei for what happened, but believe me when I tell you it wasn't her fault. It was an accident.” You shook your head. “And what if another “accident” like that happens again? And what if I dont survive this time? And what if-” Your voice broke down. Enji pulled you into his lap. “It won't. I promise. And if something like that does occur, I’ll be there to stop it.” Enji pressed a kiss to your hair. “I’ll save you. I promise.”

With Enji's persuasion, you had started mending your relationship with Rei again. Sure, you still flinched when she touched you and you were still hesitant to initiate conversations with her, but none of that bothered Rei. You were trusting her again, and she was more than happy to do more on her part to make you comfortable.

And you won't lie, but life was better with Rei. She knew when Dabi or Shotou were becoming too overbearing, or when Natsuo was fussing over you for no reason. She was there to stop Fuyumi from chatting your ear away, and knew when to stop Enji from feeding you too many sweets.

And Enji could see that Rei was sorry for what she did. He saw how she would often massage ointments on your face, her fingers barely tracing the charred area around your eyes before pulling away quickly. And other times, like today, as he stood by your bedroom door, he saw how gentle she was with you as she tucked you into your bed. He kissed his wife once she had left your room. "How are my girls doing?" Enji asked Rei in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake you up. Rei smiled. "Good." They slowly started walking back to their room. "Shes an angel, Enji. So sweet." Enji hummed in agreement. "Can I tell you something?" Enji stopped and turned to face his wife. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm kind of glad what happened...to her." Rei was smiling. "She's so much better like this. So docile now. I...I don't regret what I did, you know?" Enji's blood ran cold. "Rei... dont tell me- you didn't do that on purpose, did you?" Rei nodded, a bit too eagerly. "I know, I know. It wasn't ethical. And if I could, I would've taken away her pain in a heartbeat. But you must agree that its much better now, right?" Enji couldn't believe what Rei was confessing. "I mean, look at her now. She doesn't even try running away. She knows- she feels safer with us, inside." Rei sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I thought that maybe it wouldn't come to this. I thought that after Touya took care of her parents, she'd be a bit more scared to be outside on her own. That's why we told her they died in a car crash." Rei rested her cheek on his chest. "It scares me what I'm willing to do for her, Enji." Enji knew Dabi had something to do with what happened to your parents, but knowing Rei had a hand in it too, or more precisely, she was the one who told Touya to get rid of them. Enji didn't know what to do with this new side of his wife. But he did know he had to keep her hidden from you, so he ushered his wife to their bedroom, not knowing you had already heard them.

You had realised a couple of things that night. One, Rei and Dabi had murdered your parents. Two, Rei pouring the hot oil in your eyes wasn't some sort of psychotic episode. Three, Enji and the others were going to take Rei's side, no matter what.

A few weeks later, your birthday came around. The siblings had left the house to get some things for your birthday party, leaving you in the care of their parents. Rei was in the kitchen cooking up a whole feast for you, while you sat beside Enji in the lounge as he read the newspaper. Enji had already given you your present. It was giant teddy bear with chocolates from Belgium. They were utterly delicious. When you stood up, he asked you where you were going. You pointed at the box of chocolates in your hand. "I'm going to share them with, mom. Unless, thats not okay?"you asked meekly. Enji still wasn't all that comfortable with letting you and Rei be alone, especially after her confession. But... if he doesn't let you go to her alone, you'll always be afraid of her. And its not like Rei will hurt you again, right? Besides, the kitchen is just down the hallway. He's sure nothing will happen. He nodded. "Okay. Should I walk you there?" "No. Its down the hall. I think I'll be fine on my own." Enji then allowed you to go, telling you to call for him if you need anything.

Rei was chopping up some vegetables when she heard your footsteps. She turned around to find you standing just outside the kitchen. "Hey, angel! What are you doing here?" You remained outside the kitchen as you spoke. "I wanted to share these chocolates dad got for me. W-would you like some?" Oh, you're so kind. Rei quickly wiped her hands on a kitchen towel before walking towards you and leading you to the dining room in front of the kitchen. She helped you sit down before taking a seat next to you. "You want me to have your chocolates? But didn't daddy gift them to you?" You bit your lip as you replied. "Well yes, but I- I wanted to share them with you so that I could- I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me. I would've gotten you something else but I'm not allowed to go outside..."you mumbled the last sentence, but that didn't matter as Rei quickly hugged you. "Oh honey! You're so sweet!" Rei took a piece of chocolate from the box that you had extended towards her. "And these chocolates are so delicious! Daddy really loves to spoil you, doesnt he?" Rei pinched your cheek gently. You smiled. "I'm glad you liked them. Especially, after all you've done for me. You deserve them more than I do, honestly." Rei stopped at that. "Honey...what are you talking about?" You smiled. "What? Am I not saying the truth? You deserve these chocolates, and all the sweets and flowers and medals for being the best mother." You popped a chocolate into your mouth before continuing. "After all, the criteria is very high. You need to not only have the intent to kill for your child, but you also have to commit murder. Then kidnap your child and force her to bide to your rules. And if she misbehaves, you must punish her as well, right? Because good behaviour gets chocolate," You popped another chocolate into your mouth. "And bad behaviour gets your eyes fried."

Rei just stared at you in disbelief. H-how did you- you didn't hear them talking last night did you? Or did Dabi tell you? Rei stared at you as you ate another piece of chocolate. "I wonder after you've killed me, will you be given chocolates or flowers?" "D-darling, w-what are you saying? I would never hurt you!" You chuckled darkly. "No no. You've done it before and I know you'll do it again. After all, it scares you what you're willing to do for me." You caressed her cheeks, and when you felt her tears, you wiped them. "I'm not saying you have the intention to kill me. No, you'll just hurt me again, another little accident, but this time I won't survive. I just hope you'll bury me somewhere where there's a lot of fresh air, maybe on a hill with a view?" Rei finally broke down at that, falling to her knees as she clung to your legs. "Please! Y/n please forgive me! Please baby, I- I just wanted the best for you. I don't want you to die, I- I promise I'll never hurt you again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Please baby, I'll do anything. Just forgive me!" You sighed. "Anything? I don't think you mean that." Rei nodded her vigorously, tears falling everywhere. "I do! I do! Just tell me what to do!" You tapped your chin, pretending to think. "Bring a knife. A sharp one." Rei's eyes widened. "W-What?" "Well...its only right for you to be punished as well. To atone for your sins, right?" "O-okay." Rei went to the kitchen and brought a big knife with her. "Lock the door." She did as you told her. You extended your palm, waiting for her to place the knife. She did. You stood up, right in front of Rei. You told her to stand against a wall, and she followed. You played with the sharp end if the knife. "I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you so bad. I want you to feel the pain, the hell you've put me through." This is it, Rei thought, you're going to kill her. For some reason, she was okay with that. "I want you to know you failed. I want you to know you're a bad mother. A selfish, bad mother." Rei was full on sobbing now. "Look at me. I want you to remember this." And with that you raised the knife before stabbing yourself in the gut, two screams ripping through the manor. Rei shot towards you, her hands trying to pull the knife away. "What did you do?! What did you do?!" Rei was crying. Enji was banging on the locked door for a few seconds before he burned it down and the sight he was met with...was nothing short of a nightmare.

There you layed on the floor, blood sputtering from your mouth, your shirt stained with blood and Rei. Rei, who was hunched over your body, with a bloody knife in her hand, crying out "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!".

Enji rushed towards you, pushing Rei back roughly. You were coughing up blood, your head turned away from him until you felt him touch your face. "D-daddy..."you whimpered out before your breathing came to a stop.

"No. No." Enji quickly gathered your limp body in his arms, running out of the house towards a hospital. He kept on chanting "no", because he didn't want to believe that he failed to protect you.

That he failed to save his daughter, again.

I had 5 different endings in my mind and Idc if this isn't your preferred ending (the ending I had in my mind was something out of Quentin Tarantino's movie). I'm just glad to be done with it.

Anyways, exams are coming up and I'm not going to be posting a lot.

And ill be taking up your follow up questions/asks for this part! I'll also be answering godfather hawks asks now that this part is out.

[trentskiiii]

always waiting - declan rice

PART 2 OF ENOUGH FOR YOU. sorry this took a while i had to think cs i was running out of ideasss

desc: after your messy break up with mason, the only person that comforted you was declan.

warnings : some curse words, mental health talk- depression, kissing

“y/n, promise me you’ll get better? i hate seeing you this way.” your childhood best friend asked you. his face and tone showed exactly how worried he was for you. a full month after your heartbreak and you were only getting worse. crying every second of everyday. you had lost so much weight and it was very visible. your eyes forever puffy and red and you never left dec’s house. and the worst part was that you never heard from mason again. not that you wanted him back, but seeing him living his life as per normal made you feel stupider for the way you were acting. only then did you realise how little you meant to him.

“y/n/n, eat up please. i bought your favourite. beef noodles from the shop down the road. please y/n.” he pleaded. you couldn’t say no to his sympathetic face. no matter how little energy you had in you, you plastered a fake smile and took a sip of the broth. it was indeed your favourite. and only declan knew that. all this time, mason had thought your favourite comfort food was pasta, but you didnt have the heart to tell him it wasnt. you didnt want him to feel dumb. if only he thought the same way about you. you took a few small bites of the noodles before you finally opened your mouth to talk, “thanks, dec. i love you.” your tone was low and soft. you didn’t have the energy to eat, drink and yet alone talk. if you had the choice, you would stay in the room the whole day. and never come out. as you were slowly walking up the stairs, you felt your limbs go weak and it felt like jelly. you collapsed onto the floor, fortunately you were only a few steps up. you didnt remember much, only hearing declans voice, “FUCK, Y/N.”

“baby, you fainted. thats what happens when you dont wanna eat.” declan said as he stroked your chin. you smiled softly. he gave you a quick kiss before calling his personal doctor over. you tried pulling his arm to stop him but it didn’t work. and soon enough you were being checked up by a doctor.

you overheard the doctor speaking to declan outside of the room. they were clearly trying to hide it from you but you listened closely. “im afraid shes growing weaker by the day. if she doesnt start eating more and drinking, we have to put her on an iv and feeding tube. seeing that she has prior health problems, this could be very serious. and i recommend for her to take anti depressants if it hasn’t already been prescribed.” it has been. you were diagnosed with depression a week before, after declan brought you to a therapist. as the door opened, you pretended to be asleep, not wanting dec to know that you heard the conversation. you felt his hands caressing your face before tucking your hair behind you ear. he then whispered a few words, thinking you were actually asleep.

“y/n, if only you could see how perfect you are. you’re the most beautiful person in this whole world. only mason was too stupid to see. if only you knew how much i love you.” he muttered, before pressing a kiss onto your forehead. the second you heard the door close, you opened your eyes. tears began flowing out of your eyes again. you always got the hint that declan was in love with you. in fact, you were in love with him too, until you met mason and believed that you loved him and not dec. you began thinking about how different everything could’ve been. if you just weren’t so stupid.

many days passed since his “secret” confession. with declans help, and only his, you began getting better. you would eat a full meal a day, rather than none at all. you weren’t crying as often. and soon enough, mason was completely out of your mind. although it hurt you that you forgot his scent, you knew you had to move on. for your own good. and at each step of the way, declan was there for you. telling you how proud he was. “y/n, you dont know how happy i am for you. look at you now, gorgeous. i missed you.” he stared at you as you got ready for your first day back to work. although it was just a zoom meeting, he was happy that you even had the motivation to do it.

as you sat silently in your bed at night. you thought to yourself. a few months has gone by. your feelings for declan clearly reappearing. especially seeing how he took care of you while at your lowest. his words from that one night still replayed in your head. you knew you loved him. but was he just a rebound? were you just desperate? you quickly shut down those ideas. he was the light of your life, when everything was dark. he saved your life. he saved you. suddenly the door opened.

“hey, dec.” you smiled as you signalled him towards you. he sat beside you, by the edge of the bed. “came to say goodnight. im so proud of you, princess. look how far you’ve come. but, please dont move out soon. i’ll miss your company.” he said with a frown on his face. you laughed as you booped his nose with your index finger. “declan, i have to be honest.” you sat up. his eyes widened, nervous. “i wasn’t really asleep. i heard everything you said, after the talk with the doctor. and i have to be honest again. i wasnt getting better because of me. it was for you. i didnt care that i was dying. i just wanted to be with you. i hope i didnt read too much into your words.” you said, tears welling up in your eyes. it was all true. you got better for him. that was your only drive.

“y/n. what are you talking about? please dont feel forced into saying all this. and no, you didnt read too much. i meant everything i said. youre the most perfect person in this entire world. and ive always waited for you. only after you and mason got together, i had to stop. but now, ill wait again. until youre ready. im always waiting, y/n.”

you smiled as you pulled him closer by his collar. your lips met as you took in that passionate kiss. his hands moved to your head. grabbing your hair lightly as the kiss grew stronger. he had held back his love for so long and finally he could show it. as you pulled away, breathless, he whispered, “ i love you, y/n.” you smiled and said it back.

@raremasey thanks for the request!