#him feeling like a freak and never fitting in or even remembering the apple pie life dean does

[lesbiancocksucker]

I know dean's more compelling but why the hell did I never go insane over sam 'stalked by demons his whole life' winchester. sam 'fought with his dad and his brother' winchester. sam ' fought tooth and nail to leave the life but always kept getting dragged back not the least because he liked it' winchester. sam 'boy king with demon blood and lucifer's perfect vessel' winchester. sam 'desperately trying to gain the independence and freedom he was never allowed while still desperately needing his big brother's love' winchester. sam 'drank demon blood but refused to order anything other than salad' winchester. sam 'willingly threw himself into the cage despite spending his entire existence trying to escape the life' winchester.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

77 Thoughts While Rewatching Supernatural 11x04: Baby

Let’s gooooooo!

1. There are, thankfully, behind the scenes photos of Jensen in those shorts. But we were robbed of Dean in his “It’s a free bunker” daisy dukes.

2. But the conceit of this episode is so great. I remember watching it for the first time and being floored and how personal it felt.

3.And the little details we see in the car that we know are there. The army man. The initials and the leggos. Just. Ugh. The great thing about having a show run this long is that there’s so much history to draw from.

4. Guitar Man playin.

5. I love that Sam just pitches in with washing Baby. Like it’s a normal thing they do together. Maybe Cas helps sometimes too.

6. And the transition from Dean spraying down the car to the rain. So good. Dangit.

7. It’s 21 hours from Lebanon, Kansas to Oregon. I always forget how long the distances they go are, because the show condenses the drives. But holy fuck that is so long.

8. LOL Sam and his smoothies. “Where’s the rest of the beer?!” Hahahaha it’s such a typical little brother move, and even Sam’s face reads “oh shit big brother mad.”

9. I love how protective they are of Cas. They really do both love him. They want him to heal.

10. Cas just cruising through Netflix. You know that at some point Dean snuck into Sam’s room and fucked with his Netflix algorithm.

11. I love this scene at the Roadhouse. “Actually she never texted me back.” For as handsome and adorable as Dean is, he’s still such a doof, and you know what? Sometimes potential romantic interests just ghost him.

12. The time lapse here is brilliant. It keeps us in the car, but also, like... we don’t need to see them hookin’ up. That’s personal.

13. “Mistakes were made. Mhm.”

14. HOW DID SAM FIT IN THE BACK SEAT WITH THAT WOMAN?! HE IS SO TALL! SHE DOES NOT LOOK SHORT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE IMPALA A SEX TARDIS?

15. “Don’t Night Moves me.” I love this part. And! Night Moves appears in two of my favorite shows: This, and The OC.

16. And any time we get to hear Dean sing is a great time. He CAN sing. He pretends he can’t for various reasons, but he so can.

17. The montage is great, too, of them in the car. Just livin.

18. Again, having such a long run means we get to see these life moments that are just wonderful. Between the blood and the tragedy. They eat burgers in teh car and sing songs. They drive. 

19. “We got tonight, who needs tomorrow?” I feel like Dean would make a great D and D bard, you know?

20. And this conversation they have about that Apple Pie life is good, too. That Sam would still like it. That’s Dean’s...just not sure it’s for him. He tried it once, and it blew up in his face. Add to that that he has Cas now. So...

21. I need to talk to you about this Judy Collins song. It was, according to Dream!John, one of Mary’s favorite songs, and it just...feels right. One of the only things that bummed me out about The Winchesters was that we didn’t get a callback to this song in the show.

“I would follow him right down The toughest road I know  Someday soon Goin’ with him someday”

22. It’s such a great departure from the harder classic rock that winds up in the show as being very much John’s music. We get something softer that’s Mary’s. Something that maybe the boys took comfort in when their father would put it on, knowing it was something she loved.

23. ROBBIE JUDY COLLINS CALLBACK WHEN! ROBBIE! ROBBIE PLEASE!

24. But also Matt Cohen really is amazing as a younger John Winchester. He really channels Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a tender way here. I love it.

25. Sam’s face. He’s so freaked out. Like.

26. Hey season 11! Before Jared stopped trying and started phoning it in! We love to see it.

27. “When has death ever stopped a Winchester.” oh John. You have no idea.

28. “You played your part.” Poor Sam. John was so checked out. The level of neglect both Sam and Dean suffered is really extreme.

29.The lack of music here with just the sounds of the road and the car is really great here. So tense.

30. Another great conversation between these two. I think because Dean is such a goof sometimes, it’s easy to discount his big brotherness. Sam is constantly playing the straight man. Here, we get to see Dean do some big time big brothering.

31. I love the lighting, here too. It would be easy to have it be super dark, but it’s great that they use street lights to illuminate everything.

32. LOL Dean and Sam keeping secrets. after a while, that was kind of the whole show, wasn’t it? Just Dean and Sam not telling each other shit and hurting each other like dummies.

33. “I read.” HE DOES! Way back in season 4, Sam found a Vonnegut in his bag.

34. There’s a SPN official novel called Nevermore where Dean does not know who Edgar Allen Poe is, and upon reading that I was so much, I never tried to read it again. Fuck you, Dean knows his lit. He plays dumb, he’s not actually dumb.

35. Dean’s dream about John hits me hard now, after The Winchesters season 1 finale, because in that universe that Dean futzed with? That dream could now be a reality.

36. “Perfect landing, Son.”

37. Sam dreaming about Mary is a whole thing, too. Of that person he can’t remember. Ouch.

38. That overhead shot of them is so great. Love it.

39. Werepire! oh Dean.

40. Meatman cometh.

41. The minor freakout over valet parking lol.

42. But with good reason.

43. But also girl me too. Let’s be real, who wouldn’t? It’s a great car. And this is a great moment.

44. She was definitely doing donuts. I love it.

45. Dean would shit himself if he knew.

46. This entire scene is so good. But also, I love Dean and Cas here.

47. LOL step away from the Netflix.

48. Dean, stop trying to make fetch happen, bud.

49. Poor Cas, talking to himself, thinking he’s helping. But again, it keeps us in the car.

50. But this whole scene is so great.

51. Poor Dean missed him saying werepire.

52. I love this fight scene so much. It’s played for laughs and it works so well. It is so gory.

53. “It turns out I did shoot the deputy.” I need you to know that I SCREAMED when he said this, because it’s an add-on from a joke made in SEASON 3. 3! THEY WRAPPED THAT JOKE EIGHT YEARS LATER! Again, it’s the benefits of a show that goes this long.

54. Poor Cas. Just...having to sit on the phone while carnage happens on the other end.

55. The windshield wiper. Dean is so unfazed.

56. Poor cooler. It went from beer and smoothies to a monster head.

57. Again, Dean is so not bothered by any of this. It’s just another day, and it makes it so much funnier. Like he knows it’s gross, but like. It’s just another workday.

58. I’m not sure about these extreme closeups. It’s a lot.

59. “What bench?” oh Cas. <3

60. Sam getting distracted with the fiirty and Dean getting jumped. Again.

61. HEAD IN A BOX.

62. They just left that head in the backseat with a woman he thought was like a full blown human. Because they’re that desensitized. Head in a box. “Yeah? And?”

63. “You do anything for your family.” Oh boy.

64. Sam just not noticing a damn thing.

65. Dean face down in the back seat, sees the Hello Kitty bag: “How did...I don’t wanna know.”

66. The monsters are scared.

67. Dean’s in a tough spot here, and he’s just rolling his eyes at this monster monologueing. It’s part “Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I can’t believe I let this happen, why am I so dumb?” and part “Bitch do you know what I am? Get wrecked.”

68. Poor Baby. God she is beat up.

69. this inside/outside the car fight is great too. I love that we don’t need to see like a big full fight scene. It’s so cramped and so cool.

70. Fucking decapitated with the car door that is fucking brutal.

71. “Oh baby I’m so sorry.” Yeah dude your car is fucked.

72. Both Dean and Baby. So fucked up.

73. Jensen learned that car move on his lunch break. Talented bastard.

74. Sam also looking messed up.

75. “Would you mind starting tomorrow?” Oh Sam.

76. And we end on Night Moves as the boys and Baby limp on home.

77. Truly, one of my all time favorite episodes of this show. Shot so cleverly, with great character moments and glimpse at what’s going on with the larger season-long plot. Love it.

[liron-ao3]

Late night call

AU Destiel oneshot

Castiel groans into his pillow. Who the hell calls him in the middle of the night? If this isn't a real emergency, then…

He squints at the screen when he finally gets hold of his phone with clumsy fingers and picks up swiftly when he sees who it is.

Dean. His best friend since college. Castiel was his best man at his impromptu wedding. Dean is the love of his life. But Dean doesn't know. Can't know. And that's fine. There is no place Castiel would rather be than at Dean's side. It's enough for him to see his best friend happy, thriving.

It hurts, too. The aching of longing. The pining that catches him in the most unexpected moments. Dean is beautiful inside out, and Castiel tries not to dream, tries to build a life beyond his best friend. And he does. He has other friends, people who are like family to him, even though they don't share blood. Like Dean's brother Sam, or the neighbours' kids Jack and Claire for whom he is kind of a surrogate father. He has Kelly and Charlie, Rowena and Hannah. He knows he's blessed.

But all of them are circling around the Winchester brothers in one way or another, and it always comes back to Dean, who makes him smile until his face hurts, his heart racing until it threatens to beat out of his chest, and a million knots tying his stomach tightly when he sees Dean kiss his wife Lisa, who is lovely, and beautiful, and everything Dean wants in his life. So Castiel loves her, too. Because she makes Dean happy in a way their friendship can't.

"Hi, Dean. Everything okay?"

"You son of a bitch," Dean slurs over the phone, clearly intoxicated.

Castiel blinks into the near-darkness of his bedroom, the clock radio showing 3.23.

"Dean, what's going on?" he asks, running a hand over his eyes.

"You destroyed my marriage."

Four words and so much to unpack. First—since when is Dean's marriage not peach-perfect? Second—what the hell did he do? Third...

"You son of a bitch, why do you have to be so fucking beautiful? With those eyes and those hands and those lips? You don't even get half of my jokes. Why do I have to be in love with you? Fuck!"

Castiel is struck speechless. Where is all of this coming from, all of a sudden? Dean likes his looks? He always makes fun of his ill-fitting suits and his trenchcoat. And then, the second part...

"I fucking love you, man, and Lis knows. She's known for months and now she's gone. Taken Ben, and left me the house. She doesn't want anything. A whole year, and she leaves because I can't stop loving you."

Castiel doesn't know what to say. His heart doesn't know if it is supposed to grow because the man who holds it returns his feelings, or if it is supposed to break into little pieces because Dean is so clearly sad that he failed at being a husband and father, living the apple pie life. But maybe Dean is just out of it in grief and the booze mixes up the different feelings that Dean holds for him and Lisa. Yes. It's probably just that. No reason to raise his hopes over the ruins of his friend's marriage.

Castiel's heart clenches painfully in his chest with a wave of longing and sorrow that no human being should ever endure.

"So, you've got nothing to say, huh?"

Castiel moves his lips. It's hard to form words. But he has to. For Dean.

"Dean, you should drink a huge glass of water and go to sleep. I'll bring you a hangover breakfast and we'll talk. Okay?"

"Always so mature," Dean mutters. "I'm pouring my heart out. But I know. You could never love me back. I'm a mess."

Castiel swallows hard. "You're not a mess, Dean. You are strong and caring…"

"...and a good friend. Yada yada. I don't want to be strong, Cass. Or a friend."

"Dean, you're drunk."

"Still in love with you, buddy."

Castiel breathes a sigh. It's too late for such a conversation. Or too early. "Listen, Dean, hang up, and tell me this when you're sober, okay? You're wasted and probably won't remember a word come tomorrow."

Dean lets out an ugly laugh. "You hope. Sorry to bother you."

"You could never be a bother." Dean doesn't hear the reply. He's hung up for real, leaving Castiel looking at the barely illuminated ceiling until dawn dips his bedroom into light.

***

"Hey, Cass," Dean says in a gravelly voice, squinting against the sunlight. Castiel raises the bag with the breakfast. He doesn't dare say a word, worried about stumbling over each syllable and making a fool of himself.

Platonic love. That's what Dean was clearly talking about. Maybe Lisa was fed up with their closeness, with the single friend joining their family dinners too often, the way Castiel stared at her husband a bit too long and always way too intense.

Castiel spreads the food on Dean's dinner table, taking in the missing photographs on the wall and the half-empty DVD and CD shelves. His heart aches. Dean must feel empty, too. He loved Lisa, Castiel knows that. And Ben, her son.

They sit down and eat in silence. It's thick and heavy and Castiel can't remember a single time that it has been like this before. So many unspoken words, so many unasked questions. But what is he supposed to do? Supposed to say?

He pushes a package of painkillers over the table instead and watches how Dean's Adam's apple bobs when he swallows them down. He shouldn't look at Dean like this.

You destroyed my marriage.

It was probably things like this. But why did Lisa move out? Why didn't she simply demand that they give up their friendship?

"Because she wants me to be happy," Dean says, and with horror, Castiel realises that he has spoken the question out loud. Dean huffs a laugh. "I'm sorry, man. I never planned to say a word. Our friendship is too important to me."

"I didn't know you were gay," Castiel blurts out when understanding hits him like a baseball bat.

"I'm bi. Never talked about it. Most straight men freak out if they know."

Castiel takes a sip of his coffee. "And you thought I would, too?"

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "With your religious upbringing and all the no-sex-before-marriage stuff, I took a wild guess. It wasn't worth risking our friendship."

"I get what you mean. That's why I never told you I'm gay."

Dean's mouth falls open and he blinks at Castiel several times before he collects himself. "Okay."

Castiel smiles shyly. "So. You want to repeat what you said last night or…?"

Dean fidgets with the paper napkin before he runs it over his mouth. Castiel finds his nervousness endearing. He has seen Dean flirt easily with women everywhere, but here he is, cheeks burning crimson, unable to meet his eyes.

Castiel waits patiently but no less nervous than the man opposite him.

"I—" Dean trails off and Castiel's heart sinks. It had been the alcohol. He had meant it platonically. Fuck!

"It's okay," Castiel says. "I understand."

"No, you don't! Just gimme a moment."

Castiel nods and folds his hands in his lap. It's always better to let Dean work through his thoughts, to wait him out.

Dean looks up, eyes soft and unsure, vulnerable as Castiel has never seen them before. "I love you, Cass."

Now, Castiel's heart is bursting for sure, but he keeps the shell pulled tight. "Like a friend?"

Dean shakes his head. "The way I should've loved Lisa, but couldn't, because…" He gestures in Castiel's direction.

Castiel's lips curl up into a soft smile. "I love you too, Dean. Have for a very long time."

Dean sighs, the relief rushing out of his lungs. He nods and mirrors the dopey smile on Castiel's face. "Awesome."

Castiel grins. "Yes, indeed."

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Rated T for 1,107 words of EdWin FWP (Fluff Without Plot)

Summary: Edward would never read romance novels...in front of other people. He and Winry get into an argument over romance novels and somehow end up kissing. Except that they've never kissed before. So they're terrified. But then, what better to ward off terror than the need to avoid losing an argument?

A/N: Based on this prompt list of common misquoted idioms I made

Alphonse thought he'd settle in with his copy of Specialized and Little-Known Transmutations, 10th edition on the living room couch. After all, some light reading was in order that afternoon. What he did not expect to come across was a copy of Wrench to My Heart. What he expected even less was seeing it in his brother's hands. Surely there was no harm in inquiring about Edward's reading materials.

"What are you reading, Brother?"

Ed leaped out of his skin and hastily shoved the book into the seat cushion behind his back. "Nothing! Why do you think I was reading? I can't read!"

Al stared at him with a raised eyebrow until he realized his blunder.

"I mean. I only read alchemic texts. Most other stuff is just too boring. Except for comic books, maybe." Ed suddenly found everything in the room fascinating except Alphonse.

"So you're telling me that 'Wrench to my Heart' is an alchemic text."

"It's," Ed choked, "It's encoded! I was deciphering it!"

"Ed, I'm pretty sure that's definitely just a romance novel."

"Shut up!"

Their squabble was cut short when Winry came in, wiping her hands on her apron.

"What's going on in here?" she asked.

"Nothing!" was quickly followed by a gleeful "Ed's reading a romance novel."

"Oh! Well, that's unexpected."

"Was not!" Ed protested.

"What's wrong with romance novels?"

"They're. They're too sappy," Ed said curtly. "Besides, it's an alchemy book I was decoding. You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, I wouldn't, now? Let me see the author, then. Romance is a very misrepresented genre, and some of it is very good writing," said Winry.

Ed handed over the book sulkily. Winry examined the book and said, "This is actually a really well-known author, Ed. I doubt it's actually an alchemy book. It's a good choice, though. I've read some other books by that author, and I really like how her main characters tend to be in unconventional careers. If you weren't reading it seriously before, I'd highly recommend it. There's nothing wrong with a guy liking romance novels."

"But Winry—!"

Al chimed in with a smirk, "He skips to the kissing scenes!"

"NO I FREAKING DON'T, AL!" Ed howled. Winry crossed her arms and pointedly focused her eyes on the painting over the couch. "Well, what's so bad about kissing, Ed?" she shot back.

"Nothing! Nothing's wrong with it, it's just—"

"Then prove it." Winry challenged with a steely gaze.

Al snuck out of the room as the two glared at each other. The room was nearly sizzling with nerves, but Edward stood and strode up to Winry.

"Fine, if you want me to prove it, I'll prove it," he said with her face terrifyingly close to his own.

"Fine with me," she retorted unconvincingly.

Ed's breath was shaky as he leaned in to press his lips to Winry's. It seemed as though the walls and floor had shifted. As though everything had become fuzzy except for the feeling on their lips. After several seconds, he remembered that his lips were actually supposed to move. Winry's hands darted to his shoulders, giving him just enough courage to cradle her face as delicately as if it would break. She attempted to encourage him, but she ended up with his wet lips halfway to her nose. Her face scrunched in distaste.

Ed tilted his head back and scrutinized the situation. Winry bit her lip, avoiding his eyes. Then, without warning, he fitted his lips against hers again, kissing her agonizingly slowly. Agonizing, but far better in every possible way. A new wave of confidence surged through him.

Ed broke the kiss for a moment with wide eyes.

"Is that apple pie?" he asked, then dove back in.

"Are you going to—" Winry was interrupted by another kiss. "let me—" Another kiss. "answer your stupid question?" Ed answered by smirking and continuing to kiss her.

Winry shoved him away, gasping for air. Her face was beet red. Her eyes searched for something, anything to land on other than Ed. "The apple pie's in the kitchen—on the kitchen counter," she stuttered. "Go grab a slice."

Ed hummed and stepped forward, slipping an arm around her waist. His voice lowered to an almost gravelly pitch as he traced a shaking finger along her jawline. "Tastes better like this."

Winry inhaled sharply as he snatched up her lips with a hunger that was far deeper than a yearning for apple pie. Ed's hand tightened around her waist reflexively, and she melted into him. She threaded a hand into his hair, and he couldn't help but whine a little, startling her slightly. Taking Winry's distraction as an opportunity to breathe, Ed kissed her with a renewed vigor. He gripped her toned arm as if it would somehow bring their bodies closer together. As if it was the only thing that kept him grounded to the floor.

Then the floor echoed with footsteps.

Ed jumped away, if reluctantly, and pushed Winry an arm's length away just as Alphonse strolled into the room with an innocent smile.

"Did you see that Winry made apple pie, Brother? You should really try some."

Edward floundered for words. "I already—I mean, yeah, so people seem to love telling me. I should...go get some." He took a couple steps, then stumbled on air before sprinting into the kitchen, red-faced.

After a moment, Winry stammered, "I should, uh, make sure Ed doesn't eat all of the apple pie." She fled in the same direction.

A slice of apple pie sat on the kitchen counter. Ed cut a second slice and handed Winry the plate. "I thought I'd get one for you, too, since you made it." They stood in silence for a minute, eating their pie.

Then Ed burst out, "I don't know what happened to me, I just couldn't stop kissing you like some...lips-obsessed monster or something. I'm sorry. I should have had better control of myself. I should have made sure you actually wanted to. I know what made me do it, obviously. It's hormones. Just a bunch of chemicals. But that's no excuse for—" Winry lightly touched his shoulder, and whatever words he had fizzled out on his tongue.

"Ed. It's...it's okay." She fought to meet his eyes, summoning the courage to speak. "More than okay. Actually, um...do you want to...do it again sometime?"

Edward's jaw dropped, and he was certain his blush could be seen from a mile away.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Alphonse walked over to the book Ed had abandoned. "Hm, a kissing scene," he noted smugly. "What do you know."

*

*

*

A/N: I could not think of a title for Ed's novel for the life of me, so I had to come up with a place holder and brainstorm more. Rest in peace, Ooh La La Womance and Grease-Stained Embrace.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #18)

(cw: vomiting) ----------

01/06/88  2:55 AM Hey.

Y’know what’s weird?

This is getting harder and easier at the same time.

I stayed at the edge of the forest until the arcade opened. It felt safer that way. If anyone wanted to sneak into our game and snuff me out, they’d have a tough time getting past the Surge Protector within working hours. Even still, there was the thought, how was I to know someone hadn’t somehow dodged all my booby traps, and was already waiting for me at my den?

Being paranoid sucks. I would not recommend it.

Once the quarters started rolling in, the thundering dull roar of gameplay eventually grounded me enough to breach the tree line. I bolted through the trees and reached my den, which was blessedly free of murderers, for the time being. I tore down all the curtains so no one could hide behind them, and I kept my back to a tree while I gave another real, more involved shot at using my brush.

I tried to make a pie, but just got cherry slime. I made way too many apples, oranges, and bananas. I made red strings, orange streamers, yellow confetti, red sequins, orange beads, yellow ribbons, always with the red, orange, yellow, red, orange, freakin’ yellow.

Everything about it made me sick. I felt betrayed. This was the one thing that I was supposed to be able to control, one of the few good things the Devs gave me. Now, rubbing handfuls of salt into the gaping wounds I was already nursing, they took it away, for what I preferred to think of as no reason at all. I’d find a reason if I let myself think about it, and it would not be good. The last thing I needed was more ‘not good’ things.

I’m a strong sprite, there’s no doubt about that. But that aforementioned weight on my shoulders was starting to really bear down, slowly carving hairline fractures in my bones. I wasn’t broken, yet. But I was sure as hell breaking, and there was crit all I could do to stop it. You know me, though. I’m not one to resign to fate, or whatever you’d call it. I’m a kicker and a screamer.

So, I kicked and screamed. 

Threw my brush, flipped my bed, ripped my papers down, shattered my mirror, pulled out clumps of hair and just screamed, just like in Fix-it’s apartment. I wanted to purge all the panic, rage, and desperation, and I wanted it to be easy.

That method usually works. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t this time. It didn’t really have time to. It actually… almost made things a lot worse, I guess. 

I was so loud, the gamer at controls heard me.

After I’d been screaming for a couple minutes, I had the absolute pixels scared out of me by deafening beats on the side of our cabinet, courtesy of Litwak. It sure shut me up, I can tell you that. I fell right on my ass and held my breath.

Way off, I heard Litwak say, “And… all better! Some of these older games can really start singin’ sometimes. Lemme know if there’s an encore, huh?”

Then, some kid’s voice giggled, “Thanks, Mr. Litwak!”

I got us smacked. Maybe that should have bothered me more than it did -- after all, that could only have added to my ‘danger to the game’ allegations. The Nicelanders would definitely go around saying that I’d gotten an Out of Order sign all ready to be taped to the screen after that. But there was hardly anything I could do anymore that wouldn’t have been incriminating in their eyes.

No, what bothered me was what he said. About how we were one of the ‘old games.’ I guess we’re the old games by default, now, with this wave of shiny newcomers being plugged in. But the way he said it just really made me think of how unfair it all is. All the first-generation Litwak’s Family Fun Centre games bust their bits for years to keep the quarters flowing, but hey, none of that matters once something new comes along. Like Roadblasters. I remembered all the grief I’d seen you go through once that flashy eyesore started leeching your ‘loyal fans’ -- and the very same giant wastoid who plugged it in now had the nerve to call games like mine, and by extension, yours, ‘these older games’? My gut burned with so much spite, I wanted to go break through the screen and rip out his moustache. 

Instead, I threw up in my laundry barrell. Somehow, less satisfying.

Once most of the chaos in my head had settled to more flexible levels, and after I’d been dry-heaving my feelings for a solid five minutes, I had a decision to make. The longer I stayed in my den, all alone, the more dread crept back into me. I wanted so badly to be able to be on my own, where no one could see how hard I was having to fight to keep it together, but that was just impossible. I couldn’t turn my back to the darkness. I could barely close my eyes. It felt like the worst kind of pathetic, like a scared little kid needing to sleep with the lights on. But there was no negotiating it -- I needed company. Real bad.

It didn’t take long for me to decide where to go. I was, by no means, in love with the idea, but I didn’t have much of a choice. After all, now that I was no longer speaking to Fix-it, there was only one other non-Nicelander left. Whether or not he’d kick me out on sight remained to be seen.

I stuffed my bag full of notebooks, slung my guitar over my shoulder, and wrapped a few things from my hoard (including a bucket) in a big makeshift blanket-sack, along with as many pillows as I could fit in. All the pillows in the world would not save me from those bricks, but one has to try.

I also found your scarf and goggles. You know. The burned ones. 

I’d kept them, of course, but I’d just been… ignoring them. They felt like the most pressing question of my life, and I hadn’t wanted to face them again until I had answers. But, suddenly, that changed. I don’t know how to describe why, right now. All I know is, when I wore them around my neck, it felt... right. In the most terrible way.

I almost never take them off, now.

Anyway, once all had been gathered, I grabbed the knot of the sack, and like the dull, flightless bird I’d become, I started trudging towards the most awkward series of sleepovers in my life.

Also known as the dump.

I didn’t bother waiting for the arcade to close, or even for the game to end, before crossing the map. The gamers seeing me wouldn’t do any damage -- quite the opposite, really. They love me in short spurts. That is, they love the idea of me.

Once I stepped into the light of the screen, they had their usual little freak out. 

“Woah, hey, what’s that!?”

“Get it, get it!”

I paused. Being on my way to cross behind the building, I was out of their playing range, but it’s not like they could tell, with their crummy depth perception. They puppeted Fix-it over, ‘til his long shadow almost touched my feet, and he looked over his shoulder as much as he could, straining to smile. The gamers mashed the fix button and bounced him around. Bing bing bing bing bing.

“I can’t get it--”

“Jump on it!”

“I am jumping on it! It’s like, in the background, or something.”

“Oh my god, look at Felix’s face. He’s looking at it. What the hell is it?!”

“Looks kinda like a little pink Felix?”

Always and forever with the Dev-damned pink. Not to dig on pink, but it’s so obviously salmon. What’s the point of being 16-bit if the colorblind gamers only see in 8?

I kept moving. The scene felt too familiar, you know. They kept up their insistent twittering ‘til I emerged on the other side of the building. I heard Fix-it hopping around in the foreground again, but I didn’t stop to look. I just carried on to the dump. I’d done the game enough of a favor -- after all, even after I’d left the light of the screen, the gamers were still in a tizzy, jamming in quarters to try to figure out how to get me back.

“I’ve sank a fortune into this game, and I’ve never seen that before.”

“Was it some kind of Easter Egg, you think? How did I unlock it?!”

And so on.

I climbed up the bricks, and I make a point of saying ‘climbed’ here, because the old pile has really grown over the past five years, and I never really thought about it too much until I couldn’t fly anymore. The wrecker’s beloved stump sat flat against the ground, once, but now it’s easily higher than two of me. I set my stuff down a little ways behind it, looked up to see both Fix-it and Wreck-it giving me the side-eyes through gameplay, and pushed together a brick pile big enough to duck behind and gain some semblance of privacy.

I honestly don’t remember how I spent the rest of that day, until closing. I can’t have done anything too interesting. Waited, stewed, debated, panicked, threw up, waited some more. Something like that. 

Waited, waited, waited.

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 01x01

Pilot

(Next Episode| Masterlist)

Just some scattered thoughts I wrote while watching the episode:

(not spoiler free, I have watched up to 15x13 and this is directed to an audience that has seen that far as well)

Oh my gosh this is so hard to watch actually. BABY SAM! Like a literally baby. Mary stay in bed. STAY IN BED MARY

This scene hits different knowing that Mary knew about monsters and demons and everything. Her terror at realizing there is something strange in the house is fueled by so much more than the fear of kidnappers.

Present day. PRESENT DAY. Lmao.

“I swore I was done hunting, for good” D: my bby

...

SAM “when I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45”

DEAN “well what was he supposed to do?”

SAM “I was nine years old. He was supposed to say ‘don’t be afraid of the dark.’’

DEAN “Don’t be afraid of the dark? What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark, you know what’s out there.”

This is just making me think about their two different parenting styles. Obviously Sam isn’t trying to shield Jack from the truth of their lives, but when he can he does try to … soften the blow.  To give him space to feel. Where as Dean is more likely to say it like it is, like when Jack didn’t have his powers and Dean just straight up called him weak.

I think this also shows a lot their 2 vs 8 personalities. Dean thinks people should know the truth even if it scares them so they can be prepared while Sam things that people should be protected emotionally.

DEAN “You just gonna live some normal apple pie life? Is that it?”

SAM “No, not normal, safe.”

DEAN “and that’s why you ran away?”

SAM “I was just going to college. It was dad who said if I was gonna run away I should stay gone.”

I’m curious to see all the lines about Sam leaving because I feel like there are some inconsistencies, which I actually love because often when families have big arguments every person remembers them differently.

…

DEAN “I can’t do this alone.”

SAM “Yes, you can.”

DEAN “Yeah, well, I don’t want to.”

My BOYS D: 

…

SAM “Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?”

DEAN “I’m 26 dude.”

THEIR 2005 tech! I’m crying.

“In almost two years I’ve never bothered you, never asked you for a thing.”

So, someone pointed out that being 22, and having finished his undergrad program, Sam should have been gone for 4 years. This line makes that not make sense, unless Sam HAS been gone for 4 years but there was an incident about 2 years before this when Dean did bother him or ask him for something O.o

California? Lol they almost never go that far west anymore.

Oh my gosh this show is so dumb why is the woman in white so “sexy” lol this is horrible. 2005 spn was the worst.  This idiot just acting like she’s not being super sketchy. This is why people die in horror movies (and in the first 5 minutes of supernatural)

“Breakfast” is like a bag of chips and bottle of soda. Mood. The fact that apparently they’ve been protected from “the small stuff” (like needing a good diet and going to the dentist) by Chuck because they’re his heroes is so apparent lol.

“it’s the greatest hits of mullet rock.” Oh my gosh Sam! Wish Dean let you listen to Celine Dion sometimes.

OH NO HE SAID THE LINE (I honestly don’t understand why some lines became memes. Anyway, shot-gun shuts his cakehole.)

“You know Sammy is a chubby 12 year-old, it’s Sam, ok?”

OH MY GOSH DEAN TRYING TO ACT ALL IMPRESSIVE LIKE HE’S NOT A BABY. you guys are not FBI you’re not fooling anyone.

This goth girl tho. 2005.

THEY HAVE TO USE LIBRARY COMPUTERS

“let me try.”

“I got it” [Sam pushes Dean out of the way and takes the keyboard and mouse.] “Dude, you’re such a control freak.”

(Not anymore. Sam stopped wanting to be in control at some point. Following was easier than leading. The guilt gets to him.)

DEAN “You think you’re just gonna become some lawyer, marry your girl?”

SAM “Maybe, why not?”

DEAN “Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean does she know about the things you’ve done?”

SAM “No and she’s not ever going to know.”

DEAN “Well, that’s healthy. You can pretend all you want Sammy, but sooner or later you’re gonna have to face up to who you really are.”

SAM “And who’s that?”

DEAN “One of us”

SAM “No, I’m not like you, this is not going to be my life.”

DEAN “You have a responsibility –”

SAM “To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren’t for pictures, I wouldn’t even know what mom looks like. and what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, mom’s gone. And she isn’t coming back.”

[Dean, in a rage, pushes Sam up against the bridge]

DEAN “Don’t talk about her like that.”

This scene establishes a lot about their characters, especially Sam. He spent the first few seasons, even until season 8, wanting a “safe” life, but he knew he would have to lie, keep secrets forever, if he was going to have it. Although Sam is very different from Dean and John (more emotional, more brain less brawn, etc) hunting is a part of him. This is what makes his later relationship with Eileen very different, she “gets the life.” she is also a hunter. Every other relationship Sam has ever tried to have has included keeping secrets. He never told Jessica about monsters, and he tried again in season 8 with Amelia, but in both cases he ended up choosing Dean, and hunting, because as much as he always denied it, this is a crucial part of who he is. It doesn’t fit him the way it’s always fit Dean, but he can’t push it aside and pretend it never happened or doesn’t exist. 

(Sam’s little laugh after they almost get hit by a ghost car … he does kinda enjoy this life despite everything he says.)

“Hey Dean, what I said earlier, about mom and dad … I’m sorry”

NO HE SAID THE OTHER LINE [no chick-flick moments] (Ok but what in the world was 15x09 if not a freaking chick-flick moment lmao this show is so dumb)

They’re so cute though.

WAIT DID DEAN USED TO HAVE LONG HAIR. Oh my gosh in that picture of them as kids Dean’s hair is to his SHOULDERS WHAT?

(all I can think is “Could we ever really pick locks?” as Dean pulls the paper clip out to free himself from the handcuffs)

Sam isn’t an unfaithful man, so why is the woman in white targeting him? Maybe she can break her rules if it’s a hunter who is trying to fight her, because she didn’t wait for him to pull over either, but it’s still interesting.

“You can’t kill me. I’m not unfaithful. I’ve never been.” I’m cry, my sweet boy. Oh no she kiss him! That doesn’t count as being unfaithful, lady! That was a non consensual kiss!

But seriously, I do think it’s interesting that they chose for Sam to be the Woman in White’s target. Because although he’s never cheated on a girlfriend, he is being “unfaithful” in a way. Either you could argue that he has been unfaithful to his family for the past few years, leaving them to go to college and trying to forget about them and his “responsibility” as Dean calls it, or you could say that in this episode he is being unfaithful to Jess and the life that he wants to lead by leaving with Dean to hunt in the first place. It’s almost like returning to an ex; hunting, this life. He promised to leave it behind, he promised Jessica he would come home, but he can’t have both. He has to choose between college and hunting, and while he’s trying to have both he is being unfaithful.

Looking at this through what we now know about Chuck I feel like it might have been what Chuck wanted, to send that subliminal message to Sam.

[opinuun]

Do you guys remember when this was a studio Ghibli blog and I’d post gifs? 2017 was a good year lol. Anyway. As a child, I never knew I’d thirst for a 2-D otome man, but sadly I’ve stopped. Yes, after two years of obsession, it’s time I retire from the fandom. I’m keeping the blog though. Ran this shit for years, ain’t gonna give up now that my horny-meter has plummeted to an all time record low. Did you guys know blogs don’t have a character limit??

Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

Hey, I'm once again: back, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this blog. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones66@hotmail.com Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, bigppmegashlong@gmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote.

Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye..

[mittensmorgul]

6.01, Exile on Main Street.

Typically when I write these posts, I try to make a joking comment, or choose a pithy reference to put in this first line, but... god i hate this too much to make jokes about it...

DEAN is attacked by Djinn. Djinn: You made it through that last trip, so how about a big, fat double dose? Bad news -- it'll kill you. The good news? At least you'll go fast. That's for our father, you son of a bitch.

and of course, it's about dredging up daddy issues. These are apparently children of the djinn Dean killed in 2.20...

You might also remember I mentioned Sam's awful promise he extracted from Dean in 5.22, telling him to get out of hunting, go to Lisa and beg her to take him in? Remember that Dean actually did that, despite it metaphorically being a final act of cutting a part of himself off in order to live this terrible half-life, going through the motions of being just another normal suburban dude living a normal suburban life (which he's professed to hate the entire idea of going all the way back to s1?) and abandoning the last link to anyone who actually knows the "real" him when he cut ties with Bobby even, all because that was Sam's literal dying wish for him? Yeah... I've written a LOT about how much I absolutely HATED this entire narrative line.

This was what SAM had always wanted for HIMSELF. He wanted to just... leave the life and "be normal." Dean has NEVER wanted this. Well, maybe he had expressed that to Sam on occasion, in a "hmm, wonder what that's like" sort of way, but at the end of the day he was ALWAYS relieved to be able to climb back in his car and take off for the next hunt. And yet, Sam is SO FUCKING SURE that Dean had always secretly wanted the same sort of suburban normal life that he himself had always fled to every single time he had the chance. Except, Dean is a different person than Sam is, and he can't as easily just cut this whole element of his life out and pretend it never existed. Sam was HAPPY for the most part at Stanford. He never told any of his friends, or even the girl he thought he'd marry and spend his entire life with, about how he was raised and what his family does. At least Lisa and Ben are aware of what Dean's life before he met them entailed so he doesn't have to lie about his past to them, but it's still clear he isn't exactly open and forthcoming about the details. And he spends an inordinate amount of energy still trying to keep the whole truth of it locked up.

From the moment Sam shows up at Dean's house, it's clear that even after a year of "normalcy" that Dean is barely holding on. But this also all speaks to the Performing Dean mask that Dean had possibly sold to Sam just a little bit too successfully for his entire life. (but more on that in the report from 6.02, since that's the main takeaway from that episode...)

What I personally find fascinating with early s6 in relation to where we currently are post 14.20 is this whole feeling of a season-long runaround that-- much like the "we have to kill Lilith!" plot of s4 had proved to be a blatant manipulation. The entire Campbell Family plotline eventually becomes... wtf-laden. Between the "secretly working for Crowley" plotline, compounded with the "monsters acting out of character" plotline, compounded with the eventual reveal of Cas's involvement in the entire narrative mess because of his desperation to keep Dean out of the Apocalypse Redux mess brewing in Heaven... well, this season feels like it just randomly chooses moments to burn vast quantities of its own structure when it no longer fits the story going forward. I feel like a LOT of Dabb Era has been a direct indictment of this s6-7 narrative collapse, using the whole BMoL as the cartoonishly Evol Fall Guys we were happy to watch burn (literally! their headquarters got firebombed!), using first Lucifer and then Nick as the pointlessly recurring distraction of a Bad Guy, with supporting parts in that narrative going to Asmodeus and AU Michael (and the whole AU, honestly, serving as a glaring proof of the futility of the apocalypse from the POV of the angels who believed since day one of creation that it was the "ending" God wanted and intended them to achieve that would bring him back to them, that would please him enough to return to acknowledge their success and reward them for achieving it. Except it was all just lies, and there was no reward, there was no paradise, only more of what they did to themselves, literally the never-ending war they brought about thinking it was all part of God's plan for creation. It was all ironically the exact future they chose for themselves. They had another choice-- to serve as the guardians of the world and humanity, preserving it as a paradise for mortality they could observe and learn and understand about the point of creation, but they chose not to learn from creation itself and instead chose to destroy it. You reap what you sow...

And what s6 sows just... hurts everyone.

Dean: you been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?! Sam: You finally had what you wanted, Dean. Dean: I wanted my brother, alive! Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.

See... Sam has convinced himself that this Apple Pie Life he himself has always wanted was also what Dean has always wanted... and it just... really, really isn't. See 14.13 for proof of that fact. I mean, you can even look backward to episodes such as 1.08 Bugs, to 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon, 2.20 What Is And What Should Never Be, 3.10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, 8.01 We Need To Talk About Kevin, 8.09 and 8.10, and honestly a huge chunk of s9 and how their codependency has been treated in Carver Era for hints into understanding these fundamental differences between Sam and Dean, Dean's parentification of Sam from the time he was four, and the vastly different childhood experience, and the construction of Dean's performance mask that Dabb has been systematically burning down over the last few seasons. Just look to 13.05 for the treatise on just how powerfully Sam believes in that mask, and how badly he himself needs Dean to maintain it for his own wellbeing and comfort, even to the point where Dean is literally suicidally depressed and hopeless. Because Sam was fundamentally wrong about what Dean actually wanted and needed. Even Cas, set up from the start to be the effective Big Bad of this season, literally only turned down that path to spare Dean, to protect him from becoming involved in this, mistakenly believing that he'd be intruding on Dean's happiness, from the peace at the end of his road.

Luckily I know what's in store down the line, because it's the ONLY thing preventing me from outright hating Sam for this. Soulless Sam was just as manipulative and ruthless as Cas in this season:

Bobby: And I'd do it again. Dean: Why?! Bobby: Because you got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea. Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me? Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant. Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to. Bobby: Good. Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out. Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone. Dean: Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me! A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery? Bobby: Look, I get it wasn't easy. But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get. It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean. Dean: Do I look out to you?

And from the end of the episode where we're given even MORE insight into just how "wrong" Sam is:

Sam: Look, I practically shoved you at them. Dean: That's a funny way to put it, but all right. Sam: I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I-I thought... You could have it, you know? But now I'm not so sure. I mean, you got to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back. Dean: So, what, it's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I did this to them. I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door, and I can't undo that. But what I can do is go with the best option. Sam: I hear you. I guess I just, wish you were coming, that's all. Dean: Why? Sam: Don't be stupid. Dean: No, I mean it. I mean, you know plenty of good hunters. I'm rusty. I did something seriously stupid going out there. I almost got us both killed. Sam: And that's exactly why I want you. Dean: What are you talking about? Sam: You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even think to try. Dean: Yes, you would. Sam: No, Dean. I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all.

From my chatbubbles @ lizbob:

without his soul, Sam was freaking ruthless he said or did whatever it took to manipulate everyone, and of course Bobby would want to believe that Dean was truly happy... essentially living out the life Bobby himself lost when he killed his demon-possessed wife... I mean if Bobby could have a do-over, we know exactly what he'd do differently now... it wouldn't have taken much for Sam to convince Bobby that Dean was legit happy with Lisa and Ben, despite the evidence of our eyes that he was basically going through the motions, zombie-style

But was Dean REALLY happy with Lisa and Ben? REALLY?!

[saintcanardmoved]

Do you guys remember when this was a studio Ghibli blog and I’d post gifs? 2017 was a good year lol. Anyway. As a child, I never knew I’d thirst for a 2-D otome man, but sadly I’ve stopped. Yes, after two years of obsession, it’s time I retire from the fandom. I’m keeping the blog though. Ran this shit for years, ain’t gonna give up now that my horny-meter has plummeted to an all time record low. Did you guys know blogs don’t have a character limit??

Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

Hey, I'm once again: back, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this blog. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones66@hotmail.com Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, bigppmegashlong@gmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote.

Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye..

[saywhatjessie]

Groundhogs in Sweaters

PBExchange gift for @gemoedstoestanden! 2.4k (Ao3)

“You ever think about what our lives would be like if the monsters looked like how they were supposed to?”

Sam frowned, marking his place with his finger before lifting his attention from the book he was reading. “What do you mean?”

“Like fairytales,” Dean continued. “The monsters in fairytales are never like how they are in real life. Wouldn’t it be cool if they were?”

Sam’s mouth twitched, his elbow coming up to the table so he could lean closer to Dean. “Like what?”

“Dragons, for one.” Dean snorted, petulantly. “They just looked like people! Garbage. I want a big fuckin lizard. With wings! He could be my new steed.”

Sam snorted back. “I’m telling the impala.”

“Don’t you dare!” but Dean was still smiling, delighted by this exercise he’d started. “Witches, too. Screw spells that need ingredients and body fluids.” Dean shuddered. “Why can’t there be magic wands? Wands are way cooler than bones of saints and all that shit.”

Sam chuckled, shaking his head. “And you called me ‘Dumbledork’?”

“It’s just more sanitary, Samantha!” Dean threw a napkin at him, kind of ruining his point about cleanliness. “And people would probably not get as dead.”

Sam shrugged, allowing the point. “Sure. There’s always gonna be bad beings who want to hurt people, though, Dean.”

Dean grimaced, throwing another napkin at Sam. “Whatever. At least if I had real genies instead of frickin djinn, I might get real wishes. And Robin Williams is awesome.”

Sam barked a laugh. “Interesting you’d go for Aladdin over I Dream of Jeannie. ”

Dean lifted up his hands in a ‘what can you do’ kind of way. “Listen: Barbara Eden was hot in her day and I’ll catch a rerun when it’s on. But Robin Williams is forever.”

Sam laughed again in what Dean took as agreement.

“We deserve some freaking wishes by now. And a freaking dragon friend.”

Sam cleared his throat to dislodge some of the chuckles still coming out. “We have another kind of winged friend,” Sam mused. “You can try and make Cas your steed.”

Dean wasn't sure what kind of expression he made, but it must have been really something for Sam to throw his head back and laugh like that.

  After that conversation with Sam, things got a little bit weird around the bunker.

To start with, Dean kept having to shoo mice and squirrels outside. It wasn’t super uncommon to find rodents–-they were underground and the bunker had been uninhabited for decades before the Winchesters got there. And they did mostly like to hide in dusty cleaning cabinets or disorganized storage rooms. The weird part was that the squirrels and mice and occasional rabbits Dean had to wrangle outside were all wearing tiny clothing.

Dean really should have found this more odd than he did. Truth was, he barely spared it a second thought. Yeah, animals were wearing clothes now. He’d seen weirder.

But it didn’t stop there.

There was also a lot more fruit in the bunker kitchen. This, in itself, wasn’t a huge red flag. Sam was still a health freak and the brothers had gotten better about keeping healthy food in the house for Jack now that the kid was (mostly) human.

The weird part was the food looked… inviting.

As a rule: Dean didn't eat apples unless they were baked into a pie. He thought the skin was waxy, the shape of the apple fit oddly in his mouth, and the simultaneous wetness and dryness of the fruit just made the whole eating experience very unpleasant.

(He was not wrong about these things.)

The apples in the bunker in the past few days just looked really delicious, though. Dean couldn’t explain it. So he ate them.

They weren’t amazing as foods go – Dean would still choose a baguette over an apple as his side at Panera – but after eating them, he weirdly had more energy. It was like a full night’s sleep. But only sometimes.

If he ate an apple at night, it actually helped him sleep. If he ate an apple at night before a hunt, he could swear his eyesight got sharper.

When he tried to tell Sam about the weird apples they’d gotten, Sam just tried to tell him that eating healthy meant you got healthier and that’s why Dean had been feeling so good.

And Dean might have believed him if it weren’t for the last thing.

Dean had just been innocently washing his face in his room.

He looked up in the mirror and winked at his reflection. “Hey, good lookin.”

“I’d tell you to ‘hey yourself’, but you literally just did.”

Dean jumped, eyes darting around.

It had sounded almost like Cas’s voice but Cas was supposed to be on a beer and pie run.

“Uh, hello?”

“Haven’t we already gone over customary greetings?”

Dean was still startled even though he was ready for it. There had definitely been a voice.

And it sounded like it was coming from the mirror.

Dean blinked at his reflection. The reflection blinked back, completely like normal.

Dean thought about waving his hand in front of it to make sure the mirror still worked, but he felt like that would be perfect ammunition for mocking if the mirror really was talking to him. So he refrained.

Instead, he said, “Uh, mirror mirror on the wall?”

“Real original, Dean.”

Yup, it was the mirror.

“Any follow up questions or do you just enjoy hearing yourself talk?”

Dean snorted and crossed his arms, a little offended.

“Any reason you can talk now? And why you’re kind of an asshole?”

If a mirror could have lungs, Dean would have sworn it had sighed. “I’m a magic mirror. It’s kind of in the job description to be judgemental. How else could I tell ‘the fairest of them all’?”

Dean tilted his head in acceptance. “Okay. But could you always talk? Why do you sound like Cas?”

“Well your angel, Castiel, enchanted me. Don’t you think you would have known you had a talking mirror by now if this wasn’t a recent development? I feel like you talk to your reflection a lot.”

Dean shifted on his feet, scowling. “You don’t know me.”

If the mirror had eyes it would have rolled them. “Okay, Dean.”

So that just left the question of why Cas had enchanted the mirror.

“Did Cas do something to the fruit in the kitchen?” Dean asked the mirror. “And is he why I found a groundhog in a sweater in my shower yesterday?”

“Probably,” the mirror said, bored. “I can’t say for sure – I’m magic but I’m not all-knowing. All I know is that Castiel enchanted me for a reason. That reason might have also made him do weird shit like that. He’s a weird dude.”

“That’s what I said!” Dean blurted before lowering his voice. “It’s really funny to hear you roast Cas when you sound like Cas.”

“I could go back to roasting you if you think that would be more appropriate.”

“Ha, no. No, it’s okay. In fact I think I’m just gonna–” Dean pointed at his bedroom door, making a hasty retreat.

He could hear the mirror call him a coward as he left.

  Dean walked into the war room right as Cas was closing the door to the bunker.

“Hey there, pal,” Dean said, watching amused as Cas struggled to carry his giant grocery bags down the spiral stairs. “Need some help?”

Cas glared at him, already having made it down the stairs.

Dean grinned, walking forward to relieve Cas of one arm of groceries. Cas sighed, the relief of having some of his burden lifted obvious.

“Thank you,” he said, grudgingly.

Dean just winked. “Let’s get these to the kitchen.”

Castiel hummed in agreement, turning down the hall before waiting to see if Dean was following him. Dean trailed behind, watching Cas for any strange behavior.

If the mirror was right and Cas was doing all this weird stuff around the bunker, he would be acting differently, right? At the very least he’d be watching Dean to see how Dean responded to his new mirror friend.

And, if Dean was being picky, Cas did seem a little jumpy.

Cas was more delicate in setting his bags down once they reached the kitchen. Dean dropped his heavily on the table, making the cans in the bags rattle ominously.

Cas glared at him again. “You’re lucky the eggs weren’t in there.”

Dean shrugged.

Cas rolled his eyes, before turning to pull the fridge open, moving things around to make room for their new groceries.

Dean watched him, removing things from bags and putting them on the counter in Cas’s reach.

He was trying to be unobtrusive, waiting for an opening until he could ask Cas about the mirror, but Cas was doing everything wrong.

“No, Cas, why would you put bread in the fridge? Are you trying to dry it out?”

Cas turned, already frowning at Dean. “Cold temperatures preserve food for longer.”

“But it makes it taste worse, man.” Dean snatched the bread out of his hands, putting it in his designated bread drawer next to the oven. “Don’t mess with a good thing.”

He paused, thinking that that was a good a segue as anything.

“Speaking of,” he started, turning to lean his hip on the counter, crossing his arms. He was going for casually inquisitive rather than accusatory. “Any reason my mirror gave me attitude this morning?”

Cas froze, his arm halfway to the fridge weighed down by an entire case of beer. Or it would have been weighed down if not for friggin angel strength.

He turned to Dean with wide eyes. “Your mirror was mean to you?”

Dean rolled his eyes, his mouth quirking up. Of course that was the part Cas was focusing on.

“Not that mean, Cas. No meaner than Sam. I just meant why was it talking to me at all ?”

Cas shrugged, moving things in the fridge around so he could fit the case in. “I thought you might like it.”

Dean just blinked, waiting for Cas to continue.

Cas sighed, his shoulders slumping. Before closing the refrigerator door and turning to Dean.

“I heard you talking to Sam. About how monsters are supposed to be versus the reality.”

Dean frowned, the conversation coming back to him. He remembered only talking about monsters. Nothing weird had happened with monsters recently.

“Obviously, there’s very little I can do about how monsters work,” Cas started, lifting up his arms in a weak presentation of his current state. “Gabriel may have been able to, once upon a time, but he’s dead and I do not have the power of an archangel.”

“Okay…” Dean said, still misty on what Cas had done. And why.

“I still wanted to give you some fairytale things, though,” Cas said, looking sheepish for the first time. “And in my research, I’ve found fairytales have helpful wildlife. And magic fruit. And–”

“And talking mirrors.” Dean chuckled, wiping his mouth with his hand to disguise his amusement. “Were those animals supposed to be cleaning?”

Cas nodded, his shoulders slumped, sure Dean was making fun of him.

Dean reached forward, clapping him hard on the shoulder. “It’s great, buddy. Really. Very cute.”

Cas blushed. Dean didn’t even know he was capable of blushing. He grinned.

“But hey,” Dean clapped Cas on the shoulder again before pulling back and walking around to the table. “Where’s my magic makeover? Or my random musical numbers?”

Cas made a noise of discontent, glaring at Dean as he followed him to the table. “I’ve already told you I’m not powerful enough for illusions that big, Dean.”

Dean grinned, leaning over the table to get right in Cas’s face. “Well, what about a magic kiss? ‘True love’ garbage and all that.”

Cas turned red again, avoiding eye contact. “I think we both know the concept of true love’s kiss is fallible. For one, heaven’s system of love matching is largely defunct, so true love is truly subjective, and for another the practice of kissing someone when they are incapacitated – magically or otherwise – is highly–”

“Cas.” Dean was leaning even closer to Cas now, watching the panic in his eyes fade to suspicion. And then wonder. “Do I look magically incapacitated right now?”

Cas met his eyes, searching. “No…?”

“So would you say I’m fully consenting to my true love kissing me right now?”

Cas swallowed. “I–”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Just kiss me, Cas. Christ.”

Cas hesitated for just a second more before leaning in, cupping Dean’s jaw in his hand, and pressing his lips on Dean’s.

After which Dean immediately turned into a frog.

“How the hell does that even work?!” Dean meant to say, but instead just ribbeted since he was, you know, a frog.

“Shit!” Cas waved his hands helplessly over Dean’s amphibious form. “I forgot about this one. I don’t think I did it right.”

“You think?!” Dean croaked.

“It’s fine, Dean. Another kiss should turn you back.”

Dean ribbited again, more out of temper than anything.

Cas picked him up, gently, and placed him on the table before leaning and and putting his lips to Dean’s pointed, froggy mouth.

Dean blinked and he was human again, sitting on the edge of the kitchen table, gasping.

“What made you think that was a good idea?!” Dean choked, putting a hand to his chest. He was a little overwhelmed by everything.

“I found a list of fairy tale tropes on the internet,” Cas said, face creased in utter humiliation. “I didn’t really think it through.”

Dean huffed a laugh as his breathing evened out. “Well, you undo the mojo on that one immediately. Because I want to kiss you again, this time without shrinking into a body covered in mucus.”

Cas’s eyes widened, like he was astonished Dean would even consider kissing him again.

Dean rolled his eyes, snapping and waving his hands in a ‘hurry up’ type motion. “Let’s go, un-mojo, I’ve been waiting years for this.”

Cas didn’t look like he did anything but Dean felt like he could feel a subtle change in the air. In any case, Cas grabbed Dean’s face with both of his hands to kiss him again and Dean did not turn into a frog.

Even without the magical shape-shifting, it was still a life-changing kiss.

[worseandworser]

What doesn’t kill you

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

This is a weird mix of ABO, chimera!Ed, and the werewolf!Ed, I guess.

Ship: RoyEd

Summary: “You were on a mission,” Ed turns to Alphonse, who carries on with the explanation, “There was this alchemist messing with chimeras, Brigadier general Mustang sent you there to check, and apparently you got caught up in a transmutation.”

Oh. That would explain why Edward can’t remember the basement.

Rating: Mature (chances of turning n/s/f/w)

Warnings/tags: AU, Post fmab, Pining, Scenting, Taller!Ed jhagdcfjh, werewold-chimera!Ed

read on ao3

The first two weeks, Edward stays inside voluntarily, which is a surprise. Winry brought with her a provisory prosthetic that makes him ache in disgraceful places, so he refuses to ear it — and hopping around the streets is not exactly comfortable. Alphonse is, as always, the best brother ever and brings him books from the Central’s library. Someone from the team calls him from time to time. Not much else happens.

The rest of the month, however, with a new and fitting automail leg, is a constant struggle to adapt. Not that he’s resigned to his current transmuted form — a few extra centimeters don’t hurt, right? — but outside of his and Al’s flat exist many challenges. The overwhelming mix of scents is one, and his newly found hearing sensibility proves to be another. He can hear Alphonse’s breathing from the other side of the room and car horns make him flinch like a frightened animal.

Of course, there are a few other noteworthy changes. His reflexes are sharper — he’s become a master of picking falling things up before they hit the floor — and acquired a weird taste for undercooked meat. Sleeping is a mystery; either he sleeps too much or stays wide awake for days in a row without much trouble. Even the new height isn’t perfect after all, since he’s still not used to the new balance point and fuck spending money on new clothes.

And his discomfort isn’t taken seriously apparently, because no one lets him see the goddamned array.

It takes Mustang a bit to give Alphonse any information. One morning Hawkeye shows up at their doorstep and drags the younger Elric out. Since then, the two arseholes have been working on the alchemy alone, not even bothering to share any of their research. That obviously angers Ed to no end, that he is being kept in the dark even though he’s the only one who was affected by the transmutation. It’s not really safe for him to be around the General, yes, and he will not get into much details about that, but it’s not justifiable. Alphonse could at least give him an update. Or Mustang could stop being such a controlling freak and just pass the whole thing onto Edward — he could surely work it out way faster.

Instead, they leave Ed to his own devices — which are, basically, trying to not get angry at people for how they smell. He begins to catalogue scents to try to avoid that precisely. He’s mostly looking for a pattern: what he likes and what makes him uncomfortable, those that calm him and those that leave him on the edge of a rage outburst.

Winry’s is a bit like dark chocolate — bitter, but sugary. Edward would never admit to her that he enjoys it very much, or that it brings a protective feeling to his chest as it does. It’s pleasant, not as calming as Alphonse, though it never fails to remind him that, yes, he does have a place to call home.

Hawkeye, the only member of the team he’s seen besides Mustang, smells like apple pie. Shocking, too shocking, so shocking Edward lock himself up in his room to laugh for a good half-an-hour. He expected so many things for her, but the sweet aroma of freshly baked goods was not one of them.

Most of the neighbors have what Ed started calling background scents — like street noise, perhaps; it’s there but not enough for you to care. One day, while collecting the correspondence, he bumps into the lady that lives next door: he sniffs at her, notices the perfume that is inherently hers, and forgets it as soon as he gets home. Background scent. Not that they even meet enough for Ed to remember her name, for god’s sake.

But he must thank her because it’s that fateful encounter that helps him gather the courage to leave the building.

For the first attempt, he begs for Alphonse to accompany him. There’s no way to know how far the heightened olfaction fucked up his already fucked up social behavior, and Al has to help him with that since he refuses to explain him the transmutation. It’s only fair. They go at night — fewer people, less noise, fewer chances of sending Ed spiraling down into an anxiety attack.

And everything goes well.

Edward can barely contain his relief. Yes, he can smell drunkards almost a whole block away and can partially comprehend conversations taking place across the street, but so what? It’s a beautiful, breezy summer night and Ed is not even bothered in the slightest. From time to time, Alphonse frowns at the sky, but Edward brushes it off as the usual worrying.

The following morning Ed feels bold, so he goes alone and only a few hours before lunchtime. There are cars everywhere now and he flinches a couple of times, and by the third block, the scents start mix curiously. He no longer detects each specific smell, but rather a mix of many things, which he probably won’t ever be able to explain to Alphonse. Street scent, perhaps, as if city and inhabitants are an entity in and of itself, — and Ed feels it all at once.

Like a machine or a body, he muses, a bunch of pieces that can’t be separated ‘cause they’ll just stop working.

He goes back home an hour later and by the doorstep he is certain of what they’re having for lunch.

“You shouldn’t go out today.”

Edward glares at the only other person in the room, “And why the fuck you’re—“

“I mean it, Brother,” Alphonse lowers his notebook to properly look at the older Elric, “maybe you should keep it low this week.”

“‘M not tired.”

“I can see that but that doesn’t mean you’re fine,” Al snorts, “it’s pretty clear that you’re not fine.”

Which is true. All Ed has been doing since yesterday is walk around the flat, fidgety and hyperaware. He didn’t sleep a minute, instead going for a long, mindless walks — during one of those he almost attacked a cab driver; the guy was asking for it when he mistook Ed for a woman and catcalled him. He wants to go out again, his whole body is itching for it, he can’t stand being inside anymore, he’s been inside all day already

“I am fine,” he smiles, trying to reassure the other, “I’m great, actually. I feel like I could run a marathon.”

“Thank you for proving my point, it’s almost night, please, don’t leave the apartment.”

And Ed does agree with him, partially. He shouldn’t leave, not when he’s feeling this skittish — who knows what reactions a busier environment could bring. But the prospect of staying in makes him feel like a caged animal, and he can’t have that. So he brushes Al off with a half-assed promise that he’ll be back soon, and exists their home a bit too eagerly.

Lacking a destination, Ed is once again a wandering man. Not that this is a bad thing, no: Edward is more at home when he’s wandering. Be it a short circuit around the block or a trip across the country, his home has always been the path and not the destiny. There’s no better feeling than shoving your hands inside the pants’ pockets and looking for a thing that you don’t really know you need until you bump into it.

He buys an apple from a street vendor and eats in large, fast bites, cleaning his hands on his shirt afterwards. His feet take him far away from the flat, and Edward is a mere spectator who watches as streets pass by and are left behind. At Av. Marston Court, he takes a left, and that’s when the idea of checking a bookshop pops up in his mind. With surer steps, he makes his way to the one on the crossing, which sells used books for a very interesting price — ideal for when Ed plans to stock up reading material.

The place is filled with dusty boxes and dustier shelves, and Edward breathes in the delicious smell of mold and old books. In this specific store it’s stronger, and not because Ed’s newly found olfactory prowess, but rather because it is. Naturally, inherently. He leisurely strolls through the stacks, his eyes falling on covers and titles and author’s names but not searching for anything in particular.

And then his nose picks up—

—that.

It’s not as strong as the first time, but it still makes him freeze up mid-way through reaching for a book. The hairs of his nape stand on end, his back instantly goes straight, and every muscle of his body tighten. He can almost hear the loud thud of his heart, beating heard and fast as if trying carve a way out of Ed’s chest.

Roy, his brain provides uselessly, Roy Roy Roy—

He sniffs, trying to pinpoint the man’s location; in the store, yes, but where. Stumbling through the aisles, he has to refrain from running towards the alluring smell — but he does follow it, like an eager puppy, looking into each corridor aisle hopefully every turn he makes.

As Edward gets used to the scent, the intensity of his reaction decreases significantly. He halts, scolding himself for his behavior; what gives him the right to stalk Mustang like this, especially when his feelings are... platonic? Feeling his face burning, he lowers his head and slumps against a shelf, shame building up and insisting for him to leave as soon as—

“Fullmetal?”

“Not an alchemist anymore...”

Roy is over there, and then right by Ed’s side because of course he would have to get closer. The blue military jacket hangs from his forearm and he is holding a book with a grey paper cover — a novel, probably, and, although Ed has never been one to read fiction, he still wants to ask about it. And he looks good — even if he’s in those clothes Edward always sees — since there’s probably not a single moment in the man’s life he doesn’t.

“Old habits die hard, I suppose.”

”It’s been years now,” he snorts, “I know your old man memory makes it all harder, but it’s time for you to catch up already.”

The raven-haired man opens his mouth, and rapidly closes it again — instead of words, what comes out is laughter. A small huffed sound that Edward takes a moment to admire.

“What’s so funny, Mustang?”

“Nothing, it’s just— I was going to make a joke about your diminutive height, but I’m not entitled to that anymore.”

Ed’s grin is larger than the Drachman border, “Fucking finally.”

They’re eye to eye now. In fact, Edward is even a bit taller, but that might just be the angle — or biased by Ed’s strong desire to one-up Mustang in something. The blond breathes in deeply, letting that overwhelming scent warm him up deliciously; his knees go a bit weak and he blinks at Roy in an attempt to regain his focus.

“Do you feel well enough to go back to work now?” Roy asks, with worry furrowing his brows.

“...”

“It’s been almost four weeks now.”

“I know, and I’m sorry about that, it’s just things have been kinda… complicated.” Ed has no idea if the slow nod Mustang gives him means more days off or simply acknowledgement, so he adds: “but I can go back whenever.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m feeling good and all that.”

Roy bites the corner of his bottom lip, “Yes, but I mean are you sure?”

Oh, Ed shivers, he’s talking about that.

To say Roy knows a thing about that, would be a blatant lie — Ed had been very quick to shout for Mustang to get out that day. Still, the thought doesn’t stop the spike of fear, and neither the annoyance burning its way through his throat. He has to remind himself to stay calm, that Mustang probably thinks Ed just gets uncomfortable with his scent, that Alphonse would never expose him in such way.

Ed sighs, and this time the warmth that comes with inhaling settles in his chest, cocooning itself like a small animal underneath his ribcage.

“It’s alright, I’m getting used to the whole hypersensitivity thing, it doesn’t bother me so much.”

For the smallest second, Ed is sure he sees—

—that flash of disappointment.

Yeah, that’s pretty stupid, isn’t it?

Their following exchanges’ themes orbit around work, as they always do. Mustang tells him about Havoc, who was in charge of all paperwork involving the infamous Major Elric and couldn’t wait for said Major’s return to get rid of it. Edward chimes in when he supposes necessary, which is almost never — and his answers are mostly monosyllabic. As they exit the shop, Roy offers him a ride home in one of the military cars and Ed refuses, leaving the man baffled when he says he’ll walk back home.

He hangs around him until the car arrives, and he tells himself it is to keep Mustang company, but…

No one would really blame him for being selfish just this once, right?

[hopeyoulietome]

farmers market

PAIRING: Luke/Y/N

WORD COUNT: 2.2k

A/N: sorry for not posting much on here, life is super busy but i got this written up and hope you guys enjoy it :)

It couldn’t be him. What in the world were the odds that he would be at the farmers market so early on a Sunday morning. But you swore you saw him, as you picked up a fresh soft peach from the wooden bucket, you saw him. That messy blonde hair, his wide blue eyes. Truthfully, you thought your eyes were just playing tricks on you, till you looked up again and he was closer this time.

10 months. It was quite a long time, and somedays it felt like he had left years ago, while other days it felt like the other day. Yesterday it felt like the latter. That’s why you didn’t go to the party everyone was talking about. The one all your friends were begging you to go to. It didn’t take an idiot to know that he would be there too. It also didn’t take an idiot to know that that was one of the reasons your friends were blowing up your phone telling you to get your ass over to the party.

You licked your lips and your eyes fell to the peached in front of you again. You placed a couple in a plastic bag, trying to ignore the fact he was so close, and added them to your basket. The basket was your grandmothers, looking much like a picnic basket without the cover, and it was getting fuller by the minute.

“Y/N,” you’d never forget how your name sounded coming from his mouth.

Your gaze slowly switched from the basket of fruits and vegetables to were he stood only feet away from you. He hadn’t changed much. His name was longer now. Suppose he really fit in here in Australia now.

“Luke,” you breathed out his name. “Hi,” you forced yourself to smile at him. Even after all this time, it was hard to see him, and to talk to him.

“I, uh, didn’t expect to see you here,” Luke admitted while scratching the back of his neck.

You nodded you head a couple times and let your eyes drift away from his to the strawberries he stood beside. They were next on your hand-written list of things to buy this morning. “Can’t say I thought I’d run into you either,” you said honestly.

“I’m killing time, my flight is in a few hours. Got a show down south,” he explained. Although you didn’t need any sort of an explanation from him.

“I see,” you said.

A silence fell over the two of you then, the sounds of faint live music and soft chatter of the other early morning risers took the silence from you. Decided to not stand there and waste your time, you took a step forward and reached past Luke to the bunches of strawberries. He took a step backwards but watched as you examined the berries and choosing the best batch.

“You didn’t go to Justin’s last night,” Luke stated.

“Nope,” you said while popping the ‘p’ and placing the berries into your basket. Next you needed rhubarb. You and your grandma were going to whip up an amazing strawberry rhubarb pie today - well you’d do the baking while she sat at the table and told you the steps.

“I was kinda hoping you’d be there,” Luke said.

“Why?” You questioned, not hesitating to ask him.

If Luke wished to continue this conversation, he’d have to move those feet of his. You walked past him, glancing at the fruits till you found what you were looking for. Only you noticed a lovely looking eggplant and decided to check it out, stopping dead in your tracks - which caused Luke to nearly bump right into you. As you picked up the purple eggplant, you looked over your shoulder at Luke, still waiting for an answer.

“Because,” he paused, “because I wanted to see you,”

“Well,” you sighed and placed the eggplant back into its bin, “I decided to skip out, spent the night with my ‘Ma instead,” you stated, using the nickname of sorts for your grandmother that you knew Luke was aware of. You and him did date for a year and two months after all, you’d hope he remembered ‘Ma - cause she sure did remember him.

“Oh,” Luke said, “how’s Suzy doing?” He asked with a smile. And it seemed he did remember just how much ‘Ma loved him.

You held back from rolling your eyes. As you did, you caught sight of the lovely looking rhubarb, watching towards it with Luke hot of your heels. “She’s fine, been better,” you replied.

“Tell her I say hi, and that I miss her apple pie,” he said. When you turned back to face him, you saw the smile on his face and it made you almost angry in some sorts.

“What are you doing, Luke?” You asked and crossed your arms at your chest. He furrowed his brows together and seemed to be at a lose for words.

This was entirely why you skipped out on the party last night. You didn’t want to hear him out, he had his time all these past 10 months, and just because he had the time didn’t mean it was acceptable to try and reconnect with you. As Luke lacked a response, you turned on your heels and took the few steps into the next booth of the farmers market. Your grandma’s dining room table was in need of some flowers, and the bouquet of sunflowers had caught your eye. You didn’t waste a second before placing them into your basket as well.

“Y/N,” Luke sounded desperate now. And you still hated how your heart nearly skipped a beat at both your name rolling off his tongue, and the physical touch between you two. His hand circled around your arm, turning you back around gently.

“No, Luke,” you dismissed him and pulled your arm from his grasp, “you broke up with me, remember?”

His face dropped at your words. Seemed he did remember, despite how he was acting towards you right now. He had broken your heart. You wanted to make this work, even with the crazy distance. You were willing to get on airplanes and go to LA when he was recording the third album, and you thought he’d be alright with spending his free time at home and not in LA. But Luke didn’t see it how you did. Instead he only saw the bad, how busy he’d be and how you weren’t finished with school yet so you’d be just as busy too. But he left, and he didn’t just get to come back and be all casual as if he hadn’t even tried to talk to you these past 10 months.

10 freaking months. You checked his Instagram, his Twitter, some fan accounts too. It was pathetic - so utterly pathetic that you couldn’t even admit it to your friends. They’d mention how good Luke was doing and you just played off like you had no clue. You hated it. Now, here he stood, at 8 o’clock in the morning on a Sunday in the middle of the farmers market, looking like a sad puppy. Too bad he didn’t see that’s how you looked for the first three months after he left.

“Yeah, I remember,” he said just barely above a whisper.

“Good,” you said.

Luke paused while thinking of what to say next, you could see his mind was running, “I regret it,” he said.

Your stomach flipped, not in a cute way, it caused you to roll your lips into your mouth and looked away from him as your eyes watered up. This wasn’t happening right now. You inhaled deeply and looked up at the blue sky above you. You head was spinning as the boy who broke your heart spoke again.

“I regret it so much, Y/N,” he continued, “all these months apart have been hard for me. I was stupid thinking we couldn’t survive the distance. I didn’t realize how much I needed you, how good you were for me, how good you were to me,” he paused as your eyes finally fell on him. His eyes were staring right back into your without a second to spare. “I haven’t even tried to see anyone since you, I can’t. I still love you,”

You shook your head as he said those four words, letting your head fall and your gaze to stay on the pavement below your sandals. The feeling was mutual, you still loved the stupid boy standing in front of you too. The same boy who broke your window with a rock while trying to be cute and romantic a couple years back. The same boy who sat and talked with your ‘Ma for hours with a smile on his face the entire time. The same stupid boy who left you behind.

You sniffled and let the silence between you continue. With your head spinning and your heartbeat so loud you could hear it, you didn’t even know what to say to Luke. You couldn’t just forgive him. He broke your heart - yet you felt as though he could mend it back together with out a problem. None of what he said could fix things over night. After all this time, without a single text from him, how could he just show up and say these things?

“Why are the telling me this, now? It’s been months, Luke,” you said.

“I know,” Luke let out a deep breath, “it’s no excuse, but I was busy,”

“You’re right, it’s a shit excuse,” you shook your head and looked up at him again. His lips twitched upwards into a smile, which caused yours to as well.

“I wanted to call you, to tell you about it all, but after Justin told me-” Luke stopped himself from continuing. Your eyebrows pulled together, what had Justin told him?

Justin was one of the few who saw you during those first few months after Luke left you. You were a wreck, as anyone who got broken up with by someone they loved would be. Of course Justin would mention the state you were in to Luke, they were best friends after all.

“After he told me how you were doing, I thought it’d be better to leave you alone, that I had done enough damage,” Luke stated. You rolled your lips into your mouth again and nodded your head - he was right, he had done plenty of damage. But that was 10 months ago.

Suddenly the first sight of another farmers-market-goer in the last while came into your view. You shuffled forward to let them reach past you and to the sunflowers. As you moved, your toes came in contact with Luke’s shoes. You released your lips from your mouth and looked up at him. His stupid blue eyes stared into yours and it felt as though your heart was going to explode. Yeah - you still loved him too. The stranger walked away while you and Luke continued to stare longingly into each others eyes.

Abruptly, Luke’s phone started to make some strange sounds. Actually, it was a sound you were familiar with. It has been his alarm tone since before you started dating, and you hated hearing it those early mornings. Luke broke the gaze he held and looked down at his phone as he took it out of his back pocket.

“I have to go,” Luke said, “my flight leaves soon,”

“You have a show?” You asked curiously.

Luke smiles and nods his head, “yeah some radio shows, just really small ones,” he explained.

“For a new single?” You asked, more concerned than curious now. Luke smile turns into a smirk now, which causes your cheeks to heat up. 

“Yeah, it’s came out yesterday, haven’t heard it yet?”

“I might have heard a snippet on Instagram or something,” you shrug, Luke must know very well that you’re lying to him. Want You Back was on repeat since it came out. 

A another silence came over you two again. Except this time it didn’t feel so awkward or uncomfortable, instead it felt normal. Something you weren’t expecting that’s for sure. You licked your lips and tilted your head a bit, waiting for Luke to decide how this whole encounter would end as he left to catch his flight.

“I’m going to call you,” Luke stated.

You chuckled, crossing your arms at your chest, “is that so?” You questioned which caused Luke to chuckle as well.

“Yeah, after my show, and we’re going to catch up,” Luke exclaimed.

You only chuckled at him again. From desperation to confidence in the matter of minutes. But you weren’t thrown off by Luke, this was the boy you knew so well, the one you dated for 14 months and missed for 10. The one you freaking loved. Luke pointed down to your basket, your eyes fell from his to where he pointed.

“Suzy likes tulips, sunflowers are your favourite,” he stated. You could’ve swore your heart burst right then and there.

Then before you could reply to him, he gave you a smile and then turned around and walked out of the farmers market, leaving you stunned and in love all over again. This stupid boy was going to spin your world around. And you were sort of okay with it.

[caiotlyn]

Home for the Holidays

Title: Home for the Holidays

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 1462

Warnings: mentions of parental death, slight angst

A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, my lovely readers! Here’s a fluffy little Christmas fic for y’all. Hope you’re all having a wonderful holiday, and if not, feel free to message me or send me an ask and we can hang out! :D

This fic takes place pre-season one, so Sam‘s just left for college, and Dean’s on his own.

Also, this is my first time using a tag list, so I’m sorry if I tagged you on something you didn’t want to read or if you just didn’t want to be tagged in general. Just send a me a message and let me know you want off!

Feel free to check out the rest of my masterlist!!

~~~

The dingy bar smelled strongly of smoke and alcohol, but Dean needed a drink, and that was all he could focus on.

He huffed as he sat on the barstool and gruffly asked for a beer. The bartender  gave Dean his drink and hurried off to help the next customer. Dean took a swig from the bottle, not really caring that the drink tasted funny.

He had been somewhat emotionless these past few days; for once he’d be spending Christmas alone. Sure, he never celebrated much when Sam and their dad were around, but at least he wasn’t holed up in some random flyover state getting drunk off bottom shelf liquor.

“Is that Dean Winchester I see sitting alone on Christmas Eve?”

Dean spun quickly, recognizing the person’s voice almost immediately.

“Y/N?” The girl jokingly curtsied, and the two laughed. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Dean hopped off the barstool to pick the girl up and spin her around. “How long has it been? Three years?”

“I think we’re coming up on four now, but who’s counting?” Goodness, that smile on her still seemed to melt Dean’s heart, even after all these years. “What’ve you been up to? Where’s your old man?”

“He’s, ah, occupied at the moment. I actually don’t know where he is right now. I split off from ‘im a while ago.”

“Oh… well that’s too bad. Last time I saw John he got so drunk that he started telling me stories about your toddler days,” Y/N said with a chuckle.

Dean jabbed a finger at her chest playfully. “I’ll have you know that I was an adorable child.”

“You keep sayin’ it, and I just might believe it.”

“So,” Y/N started as she took a seat at the bar, Dean joining her. “What’re you doing in a crappy bar on Christmas Eve, anyway?

"Sam’s in California, Dad’s who knows where, and I’m here–not much to it.”

"Well, if you’re up for it, I’m getting some friends together, and we’re gonna be celebrating the holidays up at our cabin. Why don’t you join us?” Y/N smiled warmly. “It’d be a great time to catch up. From what I’ve heard, you and your dad have been all over the place.”

Dean didn’t have to think twice about his answer. “I’d love to.”

~~~

Y/N’s cabin wasn’t anything special. It was a typical log cabin in the woods. Snow covered the entire property, and white string lights trimmed the roof. Frost covered the windows, but Dean could see the warm glow of light and the numerous silhouettes of the people inside.

Immediately entering the cabin, the smell of apple pie and honey-glazed ham hit Dean’s nose. His eyes drifted to the living room where a group of people were talking over beer, and a fireplace crackled in the corner.

Dean felt a bit out of place–like he was intruding on an exclusive family event.

Y/N seemed to notice Dean’s uneasiness and took his elbow and led him to the kitchen.

There, a woman with long, braided hair and a puffer vest was taking a pie out of the oven while a bald man with a lumberjack-esque beard was chopping carrots.

“Rebecca, Quentin!” Y/N called, holding her arms out for a hug.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you, doll,” Rebecca said as she returned Y/N’s embrace.

“How’s it going, Y/N/N?” Quentin asked.

“I mean, you haven’t managed to burn down the cabin yet, so I’d say pretty good.”

Quentin threw a piece of carrot in her direction and mumbled a “shut up.”

“Guys, this is my friend, Dean.”

Rebecca and Quentin both said a cheery “hi,” and Dean was put a bit at ease. Y/N excused herself and Dean from the kitchen, eager to show him around.

“Come with me for a second,” Y/N said.

She led Dean down the hall past the living room and into a bedroom, closing the door softly behind them. Dean looked around the room, taking in all of the details with interest. He assumed this was Y/N’s room based on the photo garland above the bed. One specific photo caught Dean’s eye. It was a polaroid photo that Y/N had taken of the two of them the last Christmas they saw each other.

Dean gifted Y/N an instant camera that Christmas, and she couldn’t stop taking photos all day; Dean had to stop her so she wouldn’t run out of film too quickly.

This photo in particular was taken by Sam. It was the Christmas before he left for college. Y/N and Dean were both sat on the floor in front of their puny little tree. They were wearing matching Christmas sweaters that Sam had gotten them and had their arms around each other, laughing with wide grins and rosy cheeks.

Dean remembered loathing the holidays, but as soon as Y/N showed up, everything was instantly better.

Dean’s mind then drifted to the years when Y/N first came into his life. They were both tweens who were cooped up at Bobby’s at the same, and they’d been almost inseparable. John finally picked Dean and Sam up after a few months on his own, but by then Y/N was already long gone, out on the road with her own father.

They ran into each other a few years later, both seventeen and getting ready to start their adult lives. They were both at Bobby’s again, this time for completely different reasons. Y/N’s father had died while hunting a djinn, and Dean was just stopping by for supplies. He saw her huddled in the corner of one of the guest bedrooms, and his heart nearly broke. She wasn’t crying or anything–her face wasn’t even red.

She just looked numb. Empty. Broken.

Dean knew because she looked the exact same way he did when Mary died.

He slowly entered the room, and as soon as he sat on the bed, Y/N wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest. They spent the night in each other’s arms, and Bobby didn’t seem to mind one bit.

After that night, Dean promised himself that he would never see Y/N like that ever again.

The Christmas that was captured in the photo was the first one where Y/N was actually herself.

Now here they were: celebrating the holidays together in a cozy cabin and finally catching up after so many years.

Y/N laid down on one side of the bed and patted the spot next to her. “Don’t be shy, Winchester. We’ve done this before.”

Dean slowly climbed in next to her, and she snuggled into his side. They laid there for a few minutes without talking, simply enjoying the other’s closeness.

“Uh, not that I really mind, but why’d you bring me in here?” Dean asked, breaking the silence.

Y/N sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Just wanted to be near you is all.”

“You’ve still got feelings for me, don’t ya, Y/N/N,” Dean teased.

“Shut up,” Y/N replied, shoving his shoulder.

“So what if I did,” Y/N said after a few minutes.

Dean leaned his head back to look at her face and found that she was completely serious. His heart did a flip, and a wide smile broke out of his face. “Well I’d say that I still have feelings for you, too.”

Y/N peered up at him and smiled. Without thinking, Dean leaned in and kissed her, cupping her face with one hand. For a moment she didn’t respond, and Dean was getting ready to pull away when she winded her fingers in his hair. The beer on his tongue mingled with her peppermint chapstick. A feeling of warmth bubbled up in Dean’s chest, his sense of longing now fulfilled. He and Y/N fit together seamlessly, like the kiss was meant to be.

A soft knock at the door abruptly ended the moment.

“Food’s ready!” the voice on the other side called.

“Be there in a second!” Y/N replied.

She turned back to Dean and groaned into his chest, and he chuckled at her annoyance.

“C'mon,” he said. “Let’s go get some of that delicious pie.”

“You and your freaking pie.”

The atmosphere in the main part of the cabin was one of comfort and happiness. The food was great, and the people were more than eager to welcome Dean into their little family.

Although he barely knew anyone, he had Y/N by his side, and that was good enough.

Dean might not be seeing his family for quite some time, but with Y/N, it was like he was already home.

~~~

Mrs. Whozeewhatsis Tags (+ a few others that I think might enjoy this):

@mrswhozeewhatsis @thinkwritexpress-official @itsemmyb @ezauraemmaline @matteson-crazed @charliesbackbitches @crzcorgi @ellen-reincarnated1967 @gryffindorable713 @deerlululucy @walkingencyclopediaoffandom @growleytria @thegleegeneration @samtomydeanwinchester @supermoonpanda @sis-tafics @amaranthinecastiel @becs-bunker @meganwinchester1999 @kittenofdoomage @samanddeanwinchester67 @ferferelli @iridianuniverse @the-morning-star-falls @strange-inhumanity-blog @ackleslaugh @fangirling-instead-of-working @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @kayteonline @spnsimpleman @faith-in-dean @mamaimpala @winchesterfiesta @sleep-silent-angel @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @gadreelsforbiddenfruit @trenchcoats-and-bees @curliesallovertheplace @jencharlan @not-so-natural-spn  @thebunkerismyhome @feelmyroarrrr @beachy2014 @fandom-book-nerd @tia58 @sams-little-toy @deansleather @faegal04 @sunriserose1023 @saving-things-hunting-family @winchesterswoonathon @jotink78 @lucifer-in-leather @i-dont-know-how-to-write @everyday-supernatural-af @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @supernatural-jackles @babypieandwhiskey @avasmommy224 @chelsea-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @besslincoln-bruh @shelovesallthethings @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @revwinchester @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @quiddy-writes @hexparker @atwistoffate @evilskank-inthemegacoven @there-must-be-a-lock @percussiongirl2017 @ilostmyshoe-79 @luci-in-trenchcoats

[marvelandponder]

Lost Episodes? Well, You Better Go Find Them!

Ever browse through the internet looking for the lost ideas that never made it air? Have you gone to conventions just to hear the insight on what the show staff left out? Are you already on board thus defeating the purpose of me giving a third example?

As a fan who enjoys the occasional interview, commentary, or behind-the-scenes tid-bit, that describes me pretty well. 

I always like hearing the stories we could’ve gotten. To me, there’s an element of intrigue, and the same feeling I get hearing urban legends except with the confirmation that this was in fact true information.

This month we saw the revival of the script for Fame and Misfortune, a story M.A. Larson wrote around the time the staff was writing the 5th season that was then retooled and edited to fit with the current season. In honour of that lost script getting new life, I thought I’d go through and find all the coolest lost content MLP never had to offer!

Of course, to super fans, this may not be new information (I don’t have access to the pony version of the deep web quite yet...), but hopefully there will be some surprises in here for even those who seek out the lost and unknown...

Honourable Mention Section

Debunked Nightmare Moon the Villain for ALL of Season 1: This has since been corrected by Lauren Faust, but the original rumour was that Faust planned for the show to be a serialized, on-going story, and that instead of being defeated in the first two episodes, Nightmare Moon was supposed to reign over Equestria for all 26 episodes. We now know Lauren always planned for the show to be an ensemble comedy, but it was a very cool rumour nonetheless - Source (x)

Lost Pinkie Pie Songs by Amy Keating Rogers: In the Season 1 finale The Best Night Ever, Amy Keating Rogers says Pinkie was meant to sing a few more songs that she wrote for her. These would’ve been the standard early seasons Pinkie songs, one being called the Pinkie Conga - Source: (x)

The Hub Commercials: While not exactly lost (and hence not on the list), new fans of the show might not have been around before the switch from the Hub to Discovery Family, and have no idea about these hidden gems. These relics include, but aren’t limited to an April Fools series trailer for a Cowboy BeBop inspired Spike spinoff called Dragonfire, a dub of the 2014 Maleficent trailer by the official cast with Discord as Maleficent, and a parody of Kay Perry’s California Girls called Equestria Girls that predates the series of the same name! 

3 Scootaloo Episodes Dealing with her Disability in the First 2 Seasons: Since we ended up getting an episode that dealt with this topic in the form of Flight to the Finish, this didn’t quite make the list, but it almost did based on the fact that was originally supposed to be an arc. Scootaloo would’ve taken 3 episodes to learn that she would never fly and achieve her dream of being like Rainbow Dash, according to Lauren Faust, but ultimately, the little squirt would learn her real worth didn’t depend on her wings or abilities - Source: (x)

Lightning Dust’s Redemption: Anybody out there holding out for hope for Lightning Dust? What if I told you she could’ve already been redeemed? Well, it’s true. Our good friend Megan McCarthy released two portions of the original ending on her Twitter, including one where Lightning Dust become Rainbow Dash’s wing pony (Source: x):

Derpy’s Deleted Flashback Scene, The Last Roundup: Remember how people got mad about Derpy’s voice and clumsy behaviour? Well that was nothing compared to the destruction they had planned. Originally, there was going to be a flashback to Derpy accidentally destroying the town hall, thus giving the episode an inciting incident. Amy Keating Rogers let us in on the original scene (Source: x x), and well, it wouldn’t have ended pretty:

With those out of the way, let’s get to the real list of unreleased goodness! Remember, all of these have been confirmed, and you can check the sources as they’re provided for proof.

#10. Lauren Faust’s Big Mac Episode

Imagine a timeline where we got a Big Mac episode in season 1. Now imagine that was going to be our timeline.

Lauren Faust originally planned to have an episode starring Big Mac that featured the then monosyllabic stallion going through his daily life with his three outspoken family members. She’s described it on her Deviantart thusly:

“Big Mac is a stallion of little words. He just keeps his opinions to himself. I think he knows he's around three opinionated mares and it's easiest to just go with the flow. We had a Big Mac centered episode idea where he was helping all three of them one day, just going along with what they wanted to keep the peace (the running gag being that his three family members were quite verbose and he spoke only with facial expressions) but finally got fed up and took off. The Apple ladies worried that they had taken his easy going nature for granted and made a big production out of apologizing and promising not to take him for granted ever again, only to find out that he went into town to get another hand- er, hoof- to help. Of course the only words he'd say were to graciously accept their apologies and promises anyway. I thought it was cute and I LOVE non-verbal gags and acting in cartoons, but it was turned down.” - Source: (x) 

We clearly never got the episode, but MLP comics issues #9 and 10, Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair, did end up following Big Mac through a chaotic day and relying mostly on his expression to get across his feelings. Whether this mini-arc was inspired by the lost episode, we may never know, but we got a good story out of it all the same. Eeyup.

#9. Rainbow and Applejack Help a Deer Family Episode

Once again, Lauren Faust provides! Since working on the show, Faust has said that one of the early episode concepts involved Rainbow Dash and Applejack stumbling across a deer family with a young pony who thought he was a deer. Perhaps cut for its similarities to Over a Barrel, the episode’s conflict would’ve centered around RD and AJ taking sides of the issue on whether or not to burst the “deer’s” bubble.

Ironically, Applejack and Rainbow Dash took surprising positions on the issue, given their Elements: Rainbow Dash wanted to break the news to the pony, whereas Applejack wanted to leave well enough alone.

Jokes about their Elements being switched aside, I would imagine this episode would’ve established the depth of their characters outside of their roles as the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Dash would rather speak her mind and be blunt and deal with the consequences afterward despite her loyalty, and Applejack would rather tell a lie if it meant keeping a family together.

In my opinion, this most likely would’ve set precedent that even the each of the Mane 6′s Elements have areas of exception, and those areas reveal something about each pony.

And, if all that wasn’t cool enough for you, this episode also took place in White Tail Woods, which is where it got the name that stuck with the show despite the episode concept being lost. You can still find White Tail Woods on the official map to this day.

Source: (x)

#8. The Curious Case of FlutterDragon

Here’s a famous one, but a fascinating one: Normally during conventions like Comic Con or BronyCon, when a voice actor gives out information on an upcoming season, it’s pretty reliable (unless it’s obviously a joke).

So, the Comic Con before season 3 rolled around, and as usual, we were getting a lot great information on the upcoming season. Trixie would be returning? There would be a Twilight and Spike duet? Score! One piece of information that stood out, however, was from Tabitha St. Germain, who as you most likely know voices Rarity and Luna.

She said that her favourite recording session was for the episode that “Fluttershy turns into a dragon.”

Not the episode where Fluttershy faces a dragon or anything like that that had already aired. 

Megan McCarthy eventually had to debunk this theory via Twitter, but I kept this on the list because it came from an official source all the same. A recording session that never made it to air that, to this day, hasn’t been explained? Now that’s mysterious.

I have to wonder if that was a warm-up of some sort, just to get the voice actresses in character. Of all the staff members, Tabitha is one of the least likely to just troll the fandom, so I still have to believe she was truly referencing something. Even Andrea Libman, Fluttershy herself, seemed to know what she was talking about as Tabitha described it being funny hearing Fluttershy’s soft voice coming out of a giant dragon.

The story behind this pick alone is enough to make me wonder...

Source: (x)

#7. Rarity’s Deleted Scene in Luna Eclipsed

Have you ever noticed that there’s one pony missing in Luna Eclipsed? 

Well, Rarity originally had a scene that explains her absence. Lauren Faust to the rescue again!:

“...May I ask why Rarity wasn't in it? Lauren: She was in the script. Sounds like she got cut. Kitmit: What was she supposed to do in the script? You think she would of made herself some fabulous nightmare night costume... Lauren: She was still working on her costume, and perfectionist as she is, it wasn't ready. (I forget what it was.) There was a whole sequence where Twilight brought Luna to Rarity's for a makeover, hoping she could give Luna a "softer," less intimidating look. Rarity freaked out about getting to dress up a Princess and over did it, covering her in the pinkiest pink princess get up ever. Luna disliked it and in taking it off, had a piece of the dress in her mouth. Pinkie showed up just at that moment and screamed that Nightmare Moon ate a princess and all the kids screamed and ran. Source - (x)

Rarity’s over-dramatics most likely would’ve made this scene hilarious had it made it to the final cut, and honestly, that’s all I need to say. Tabitha St. Germain might’ve spread the FlutterDragon rumour by accident, but she’s one hell of a comedic voice actress, and her playing off of herself and Tara Strong for a scene could’ve been a stellar performance.

At least we know where Rarity was the whole time now... and judging by Scare Master, she learned her lesson and just went with something less than utter perfection the year after. Does that count as character development?

#6. Zecora’s Mentor Role

This might be common knowledge for hardcore fans as well, but in hindsight it’s such a loss that it deserves it’s own spot.

Zecora has become critically underutilized, especially in later seasons, but that wasn’t always meant to be the case. Zecora was originally meant to fill the mentor role in Twilight’s life while Celestia was busy in Canterlot. Of course, Twilight would still write to Celestia for guidance, but Faust also said:

“If we had penned more adventure stories, the only difference I can think of is that perhaps you would have seen more of Luna and Zecora.  Zecora was designed to be a sage and mentor to whom the ponies could go for information about their quests. She was designed to be a second mentor to Twilight, but that didn’t come to pass.”  Source: (x)

We can see bits of this throughout the series, though, in episodes like Secret of My Excess, The Cutie Pox, and Magic Duel. 

If she were Twilight’s second mentor, it might have even been interesting to have a conflict between Zecora and Celestia about some kind of magic, leaving Twilight in the middle to struggle with the fact that both of the authority figures might not be teaching her the right solution, and it’s up to her to decide. Just some speculation, based on where Twilight’s character would’ve been at the time...

Perhaps Zecora’s role can be reclaimed in the future, as she’s included in more episodes to come. But for now, we can only think of what might’ve been.

#5. Sunset’s Duet, Homesickness Storyline, and Alternate Ending to Friendship Games

Okay, so this is definitely well known, but given just how well-constructed and nearly finalized this story-arc was, I couldn’t leave it off the list! Plus, something something Sunset Shimmer bias.

Thanks to the Friendship Games DVD extras, you can watch all the deleted scenes, including the duet, over here if you’ve never seen them:

I always found the parallels drawn so satisfying, even if the alternate ending had Sci-Twi leaving for Crystal Prep.

In hindsight, what’s even more interesting is that they’ve seemed to go in the opposite direction with Sunset: when she finally did return to Equestria, it was rather reluctantly, and only briefly. Despite the fact that she has friends and an ex-mentor on the other side, she seems to be eager to stay in the human world.

Or, maybe she’s avoiding somepony...

Seeing how completely opposite things could’ve turned out is fascinating in and of itself.

#4. Lost Slice of Life Gags

How could that episode get any crazier? Slice of Life is already the epitome of our absolutely wild fandom, what more could there be?

Well, of course, M.A. Larson does not disappoint for this list, providing some insight into missing scenes like a Devil Went Down to Georgia inspired cello battle between Octavia and King Sombra.

In fact, there’s a whole list of cuts:

“In the first draft Vinyl Scratch's talked, but they told him she doesn't talk, so it was removed in phase 2. 

The original Vinyl Scratch and Octavia scene involved Vinyl crashing at Octavia's house and destroying her sofa. So she goes to Quills and Sofas to buy a new one. They weren't originally roommates, but The Hub and Hasbro made them roommates.

Flash Sentry was originally in the script. He was following Cranky asking why no one likes him.

Another cut scene was a group of ponies coming in, and a group of their recolor ponies running into them, followed by awkwardness.

His original reason for not wanting to bowl, was because he had trauma as a kid where he couldn't figure out the physics behind it, which lead to his science focused career.

Outside of episode 100, there was originally a cut scene where after Twilight is coronated, Rainbow Dash and her fly around Equestria, eventually ending up in dragonland where they do a musical scene.There was a scene where Derpy is saying "I don't know what to do doc! I don't know what to do!" and the camera pans over to reveal Dr. Caballeron, revealing Derpy at the wrong table with the wrong doctor.  Gags like this were throughout the entire original script.

After everyone is gone and in the town hall, the bat ponies and royal guards are outside doing silly impressions of Princess Luna and Celestia. "Every day shall be cake day!". 

At one point, Lyra tells Bonbon to "stop using that ridiculous voice!" to make fun of her other voices. 

In the script, Gummy had a french accent. 

There was a moment where Doctor Whooves is running up to Carousel Boutique, and he sees Opal and Tom.

 A scene between Coco Pommel and the pony from season one in Boast Busters with the green mane that Rarity accidently insults was cut. She had a full green wedding ensemble on with Coco's stamp of approval, and said she couldn't wait until Rarity saw it as revenge. Coco Pommel then says she doesn't really like green, and asks for anything in pink. 

The original ending had the hugging scene with the mane 6 being their usual end-of-episode corny selves, but the camera pans to the sunset where a changeling army is flying in...”

Source: (x)

This episode went through a lot of research and development to get just right, and even I would’ve loved to see all of that be left in, we ultimately only have so much run-time per episode.

But if that weren’t enough to convince of why I admire M.A. Larson as a writer...

#3. Fillidelphia Ragtime 

I suppose you might be wondering how a single undeveloped episode idea can beat out all that Slice of Life goodness.

Well, it comes down to structure, adult (but nowhere near too adult) implications, and a really intriguing idea.

I’ll let Larson make the pitch himself:

(55:24-57:50)

Larson pretty much immediately sold me on this. I think because there’s a part of me that loves implying the maturity of these characters without going into it for the kids sake, and honestly, it would be so much damn fun.

This episode was never meant to be, it seems, but damn is it ever a good premise.

2.5. Twilight Nearly Resigns From Being a Princess

Note: I stumbled on this one late in the game and instead of bumping something off the list, I decided to cheat and give you all an extra pick. I’m a stinker that way.

We know Twilight wasn’t always so sure about herself as the Princess of Friendship, but did you know she almost gave it up?

“In "Amending Fences," Twilight is at her lowest low and goes to visit Celestia in the middle of the night. She tells her mentor that she has to give up her role as princess of friendship because of how her past actions have affected Moondancer. She says, "How can I tell others about the magic of friendship if I've killed that spirit in somepony else?" Celestia then surprises her by saying that the lesson Twilight is in Canterlot to learn is one that she herself has only recently learned. Twilight is surprised...Celestia knows everything about everything. But Celestia looks out the window at the moon and says, "Some relationships are so broken, so filled with bitterness and anger that they seem impossible to mend. But the lesson you're here to learn now is that it's never too late to repair a broken friendship." So Celestia uses her own experience, her gradual rebuilding of trust and friendship with her own sister, to tell Twilight that everyone goes through it. This gives Twilight the hope that she can fix things with Moondancer. I thought it was a nice scene, but you only have 22 minutes and this was an easy cut.”

Source: (x)

Easy cut my ass! That’s a huge deal! Twilight would’ve come through in the end anyway, but it’s still interesting to know how close she could’ve come to giving it all up...

#2. Seapony Two-Parter

Seaponies? In G4? Don’t be ridiculous....

But it was true. One of Lauren Faust’s ideas at that. She would’ve designed them after the sea ponies of the first generation, with a plot sounding preeetty darn cool:

“Hasbro never asked for seaponies, but other ideas that had nothing to do with them. Lauren was hoping for a two-episode special so that she could have the proper build up and payoff for the seaponies, but the idea never came up. Lauren planned for the style of the seaponies to be the same as G1 with seapony bodies and pony heads. While Lauren didn't have the seaponies in her show bible, she had a plan for incorporating them. The episodes included one of the seaponies washing up on the Equestrian beach and begging for their kingdom to be helped. Their kingdom would be in the Equestrian Ocean, drawing inspiration from Greek and European mythology. She even thought about using the Kraken as a villain.” Source: (x)

Undersea shenanigans and the chance to make a genuinely terrifying sea monster the villain sounds perfect, to be honest. This may not have fit within the schedule for the first two seasons Lauren helped work on, but lo and behold, we’re finally getting around to the fish-horses one way or another! I find it hilarious that in G4, they’re almost majestic and carry with them some sort of epic quest for the girls.

Shoo-be-doo, indeed.

#1. The Series Finale Version of Magical Mystery Cure

After all this time, Magical Mystery Cure holds up in some regards (Celestia’s Ballad is gorgeous no matter what, the animation is beautiful, etc.) but good pacing, it was doomed to never have. Writer M.A. Larson asked the studio execs if they could make it a two-parter, because at the time this was going to be it, they really didn’t know if the show would be renewed. Buut Hasbro said no, so a two-part story had to be crammed into a single episode.

Even with that aside, what was the series finale of MLP going to be like?

Larson recalls that his original script was more a Pandora’s box story than anything else. Celesita sent Twilight a box and, by letter, told her student to wait for her to get there to go over the high level magic inside. Celestia’s mistake was telling Twilight this would lead to a new level of her studies.

Twilight, of course, couldn’t handle waiting to see the amazing magic within, and just like Friendship Games, her curiosity would’ve gotten the better of her. Which, of course, is when she would’ve unleashed the cutie mark swapping spell.

Celestia would then send Twilight a letter that just read My faithful student, what have you done?

To imply that even Celestia herself couldn’t handle this.

In both versions of Magical Mystery Cure, our favourite reader becomes an author of a spell, but in Larson’s story it’s a bit more clear as to what exactly Twilight’s spell does.

Twilight wasn’t just finishing a spell to create new magic (which... only seems to undo what the first part of the spell does), she was rewriting a spell that was already in existence. The words even rearranged on the page for her.

Granted, I like the idea of Twilight standing on the shoulders of giants to earn her wings (finishing Starswirl’s spell) but what a way to end the series: with the book that opened in the first episode closing, implying that Twilight and her friends became legends.

But, in the end, I’m glad we didn’t get that version of Magical Mystery Cure, because what we did get, and what came after, was worth anything that was lost.

More Pony? I’ve got that! I do reviews and editorials! Check out the last three things I’ve done here:

Fame and Misfortune, Triple Threat, and Campfire Tales Reviews

Year of the Pony

Featured Artists of the Post Include:

Derpy’s Accident by GlancoJusticar Apple Siblings Vector by 773her Bramble Vector by CheeseDoodle96 FlutterDragon by Skyfries Rarity’s Nightmare Night by GlancoJusticar Zecora Vector by Stabzor Sunset Vector by KeronianNiroro Sombra Vector by Fercho262 Octavia Vector by WishDream Applejack Vector by Midnite99 Rainbow Dash Seapony Vector by GreenMachine987 Twilight Picture by The Shadow Stone 

Go check out these talented artists! They’re nice enough to work really hard to make these vectors available with credit, so go appreciate their talent and hard work!

What Never Was and Might’ve Been

[jesterlady]

Avengers Endgame Review

So it's finally time, I am about to give the world my review and feelings of Endgame.  I've had this swirling around in my head for weeks but am finally ready to give it voice.  I've seen the movie twice and there are obviously massive spoilers ahead so read at your own risk.

First off, I like this movie.  It's a good movie despite the sadness and the stupid time travel, so when I criticize it, know I still enjoyed it.  I think it's a beautiful crowning achievement, the end of an era of the MCU. In many ways I wish it was the end of the MCU, it would be fitting and sometimes things should end.  I laughed and cried and cheered with everyone and seeing it opening weekend was absolutely an amazing experience.  For a full time fan it had some amazing fanservice and callbacks.

I also want to point out that I am usually incredibly good at liking a movie on its own terms.  Even if something doesn't make sense or doesn't make sense in our world, so long as that universe has claimed it as its own, I'll put on my suspension of disbelief and shrug my shoulders and say, 'whatever you say, squire.'  So really I'm the type of person who should be okay with the way they handled time travel in this movie.  Spoiler, I'm not.  I'll go into all of that.

Let's get the generals out of the way.  Visually it's fantastic, acting its ass off, I'm okay with the writing, I laughed at all the funny bits, it's heartwarming and gives all the feels.  Love the music, love the cinematography, all that jazz.

Character looks changes since, wow, there were a lot:

Steve: Thank you, Cap, for shaving the beard.  Chrevans is a fine looking man with a beard but it does not scream clean linen and fresh apple pie and I need my Cap that way.

Natasha: I'm actually a fan of the red ombre look, Katniss braid and all.  It's pretty and I need her red because the blonde was not good, not good at all.  I know people complain about hair not growing out that slow, but I think it's a good symbol, Natasha caught between two worlds, the old and the new, becoming more herself, but unable to let go of the past.  And it's red and it's pretty.

Clint: Yeah, the mohawk grew on me.  I actually think when you see it moving and in action, it works, it's only in the pictures and promos that it just looks weird.  I feel like the tattoo sleeve was a bit much.  (That can't come off so easy post-snap, Clint!)  His Ronin suit was cool; I would have liked to have seen more of it.

Carol: I don't like the haircut.  That's it; I just don't like the look.  But whatever. I think it's kind of pointless other than to emphasize again time has passed, but they were hammering that point in hard enough without that reminder.  But honestly, I don't care.

Bruce: So, this is more about my feelings on Bruce in the movie than his look, but it's all tied up in his look so I'll put it here.  I am leery of Professor Hulk.  I'm gonna go with Valkyrie, better either of the other ways.  The CGI was really cool, but I think it says something alarming about how Bruce is handling his situation and his solution…is not good. We'll skip over how he magically invented a Gammatron thing to accomplish this and go into how it directly goes against what had been happening in the MCU so far and how Bruce/Hulk is handled in the comics.  The best way is when Bruce and Hulk both develop as individuals and come to a symbiotic understanding, two beings sharing a body.  Eddie and Venom style.  Hulk had been given his own story in Ragnarok and had his own path as evidenced by him hiding in IW.  Now, there is no Hulk.  It's Bruce wearing a Hulk suit, just like him wearing Tony's armor.  That almost feels like murder to me.  My mom said she thought Bruce had more Hulkish characteristics now, okay, maybe, but I think it's more like him acting a part now that he's Professor Hulk and feels like he beat the beast.  My theory is supported by the fact that when the Ancient One astral planes him, it's only Bruce that comes out of the body.  Now, I'm happy he's happy, but I think they went the wrong way on this one.

Thor: Loving the long hair again, though I wish he'd brush it a bit, hate the beard.  The lightning makeover made it very cool with the Viking look, but otherwise, please shave immediately!  You know, it was funny for him to be so out of shape, it was also sad because it showed how depressed he really was.  I am okay with the jokes and don't think it was wrong for us to think it funny because we're conditioned to think that Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off is supposed to be the latest in hunk.  Did they have to joke about it as much as they did? Probably not, but I don't think it was horrendous and body shaming and he clearly does need to get more healthy in body and mind.  I fully expect and will be fine with, if we see him again, him being unmelted ice cream.

Superficial out of the way, let's walk through the movie and then dive into the time travel issues.

Okay, Tony and Nebula dynamic is the best and I would have wanted so much more of that. Tony leaving the message for Pepper is all the feels.

Did Carol go looking for them or just find them?  It doesn't really matter, but I'd still like to know.  With Pepper being at the compound I'm thinking yes.

Poor Steve and Tony, that was not a good reunion, and I don't like Tony yelling at Steve, but I can understand it in his frame of mind.

Going off to kill Thanos, yay!  Okay, so all along I've been pulling for Nebula to kill Thanos and honestly, she deserves it.  Second in line, Thor.  So I was glad Thor did that, but poor Nebula.  She's such a beautiful character and so tragic and I just wish there had been a bit more catharsis for her other than the potential of acceptance and pride she didn't need and blood splattering her face.  I mean, ouch!  My ultimate version of a Thanos death in this movie would have been both Nebulas and past Gamora killing him with help from Thor. 

And Five Years Later.  Lol, the audience was all what!  I'm all, duh!

So yeah, a rat really did save the world, you guys.  I mean, come on!  Poor Scott. Though I am thinking, okay, the world is clearly a trashpile now and yet we had the resources to create giant monument graveyards presumably all over the world?  Also, his reunion with Cassie was sweet, but I'm sorry, I can't help but mourn the loss of the munchkin.  That actress was super adorbz and now we'll never see her again and I am not okay with that.  Also, I really feel like that new Cassie was way too old looking.  (Guys, I'm not good with ages, but little Cassie was like 6, 5 years makes her 11, that girl was clearly 15 or 16.  Though again...seeing as how Harley looks way too old to me as well and that's the actual actor, what do I know?)

Love the team effort spread out over the globe and universe.  It's also a good way to handle Carol.  Over-powered characters are so difficult to handle because then there is no conflict, so it was good to show her off saving the whole universe (honestly just like she's apparently been doing this whole time).

Oh Nat.  Her and her sandwich.  Her and Clint!  Finally this movie gives me the Clint/Natasha content I deserve and then rips my heart from me.  She's handling this burden but her partner is lost and that's what's breaking her and I can't handle it!

Her and Steve's friendship has always been aces and I loved that scene.

Scott there to save the world and he's so refreshing and then on to Tony and it's so precious he has little Morgan and they did a good job showcasing that he is handling this the best of anyone and honestly deserves to.

Nat is wearing the arrow necklace again!!!!

I'm glad Tony said no, but honestly, it's so like him to have a problem and need to fix it. And Pepper is such a queen, such an amazing giver, and the world doesn't deserve her.

We've gone over my feelings on Bruce (the joke with him and Scott went on way too long and was not funny.  Also, thank you for only doing the barest of alluding to a Bruce/Nat romance.)

Tony and Steve scenes are the best and I love them rebuilding something and Steve getting the shield back.

Tokyo in the rain kills me.  Okay, so let's talk a bit about Clint here.  I am not a fan of the farm, I wish the farm had never happened and I like to live in a world where it didn't.  In fact that gifset where Clint introduces Laura as his sister is my preferred canon and I think would have done the trick in his grief spiral.  Personally, I don't have any issues with a Ronin lifestyle and my only worry is what it's doing to his psyche.  Oh, but them in the rain, my feels, my feels, my feels.  Honestly, the world is chaotic now and needs a bit of vigilante justice.

Thor and New Asgard.  My first thought is that while obviously the most decimated people in the universe, the Asgardians really lucked out coming to earth when they did, because at what other time would we have accepted an alien race landing on earth to come and live with us without freaking out?  I don't even know how there are any left anyway because clearly so many died in Ragnarok and then half of them were wiped out by Thanos (pre-snap, remember, so did they come back?!  Not likely unless Bruce (who was there) included them, but still unlikely.)  Then the half that were left...were on a ship that got completely destroyed and left Thor floating in space.  So all I'm saying is they did not take care of continuity for this people and they were the real victims of the MCU. 

But clearly some escaped and I find it hilarious Thor is a depressed bum playing video games and it's so so sad at the same time and I just want to wrap him up and let him rest.  Honestly, Thor has lost everything and it's no wonder he's a giant mess and he deserves to be.  I'm also glad he didn't magically buck up, because honestly no one would.

The PLAN:

Them all planning together is so cute and a bit smart and good times apart from their ridiculous time travel premise we'll get into later.  I do want to be very clear here, Nebula did not know about the price for the soul stone or she would have told them.  There's no way she could have known.

Let's go over each era individually.

2012

You remember 2012 right?  It was glorious.  I don't care what you think about Joss Whedon or the rest of the MCU, 2012 was magic. In fact right after watching Endgame, I went home and read all my fave gen domestic team tower fic and I needed it. So the fanservice was lovely and seeing behind the scenes almost of what we loved was the best.  Everyone was perfect.  Hulk and the stairs, Thor and his hammer, Tony giving himself a heart attack, Cap in the elevator, America's ass, Loki and the tesseract, even being reminded that Hydra was in SHIELD at the time.  Apart from the time travel issues, it was all wonderful.

I’ve seen a lot of people point out how they didn’t like Steve in 2012 and how Endgame Steve was annoyed at himself, but I don’t see it.  2012 Steve is perfection, fight me.

I liked seeing the Ancient One as well, knowing they would have been there.  Seeing how much she knew about Strange ahead of time is good and her knowing what he meant by giving it up.  I'll go into the Stones and their conversation later as well.

2014 Asgard.

Poor Thor, but having him talk to his mom, that was beautiful and just what he needed.  I know some people were mad he didn't spend more time being sad about Loki but honestly, Frigga was what he needed right then. And not to have to be reminded of Jane and how annoyingly that ended up for no reason whatsoever other than Natalie Portman deciding not to come back.  What if Gwyneth Paltrow had felt that way!  I shudder to think.  But that’s part of my ongoing saga of how horribly the Thor saga in particular, yes, even Ragnarok, especially Ragnarok, treats its characters and continuity.

2014 Morag

Seeing the opening of Guardians was so funny and I loved it.  But I got super annoyed at Rhodey saying Quill was an idiot for it. Rude!  Do you know how often I dance around my house lip syncing to music only I can hear?  We adore it when people do that in the movies.  There was nothing idiotic about it and I resented the way people looked down on Quill in the movie.  For instance, I’m super mad about how his reunion with Gamora went.  He reacted beautifully and I also understand her reacting the way she did if she didn’t know him, but Nebula had told her about him and that was just mean and condescending.  In fact, I also get annoyed about the whole rivalry between him and Thor.  I mean, just let Quill alone.  Having his own team, his own family, be so cavalier is annoying, especially when they’ve all lost Gamora and Peter has lost a lot of people very important to him in a very short period of time.  Yes, he is insecure, but he’s also lost a lot and I’m a fan of loyalty.

There not being traps is so funny and then 2014 Thanos happens.  Ugh.  It was the way to bring Gamora into the film and Thanos honestly.  But ugh.  I do think the network with the Nebulas was clever, though very convenient, memories just project themselves out and happen to be the ones that would clue Thanos in to what happened!  I hate for Nebula to be subject to that again after being free for 5 years.   More really.  Poor 2014 Nebula as well. 

Switching the Nebulas was clever as well (though why on earth wouldn’t anyone wonder why Nebula wasn’t with them when they tried the snap?)

Also, let’s not get into it too deeply yet but they are very clear, so clear, that Pym Particles are the only way you get through the quantum realm and they ONLY had enough for ONE round trip per person.  It’s why we had to go to the 70s in the first place, remember?  When 2014 Nebula presents herself to Thanos, she hands him the vial of particles, we never see him hand it back.  Now, either she was just showing it to him and he gave it back and that’s how she came to the future, (which is most likely), or she gave it to him so he could come to the future with their evil plan (but then how did she get back with the others?)  But either way, someone shouldn’t have been able to get to the future.  No matter what Nebula did to the Quantum tunnel, (so convenient she just plugged in and did all these science/mechanic/time travel things) there were no Pym particles that could have brought Thanos, our Nebula, 2014 Gamora, and all of his vast armies and armada to the present. IT LITERALLY COMPLETELY FALLS APART AND MAKES NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST THEIR OWN RULES!

2014 Vormir

Oh my heart. I’m actually ashamed, I didn’t see it coming until they were headed to Vormir and then I knew, I knew one would die and I was so unhappy the whole scene.  I didn’t go into this movie fearing for either one of them so it was a big shock.  I’d been expecting Steve and/or Tony to die. 

So like I said, I’ve been a Clint/Natasha shipper since day one.  Honestly, I didn’t even care if they were together so long as they were always the most important people to each other and were together. The MCU tore that from me with Ultron, but also with their cavalier treatment of Clint in general.  Say what you will about Natasha’s arc, it’s hella better than Clint’s.  So don’t give me that.  Clint is my favorite character so naturally I’m biased in his favor, I accept that.  But I love him and Natasha and so it was going to devastate me either way.  (I also love Natasha).  Remember the early version of Winter Soldier when Clint and Nat were in it and he stayed with Hydra to fool everyone while she went off with Steve and Sam and they were secret partners just like I’m convinced they were in Civil War?  Jeremy Renner wasn’t available as I recall, oh sadness.

Anyway, so this scene just slayed me.  They were so pure together, each trying to die for the other.  Oh, it was awful and visually stunning and I am so annoyed at how it ended.  How deep a contrast between the parallel scene with Thanos and Gamora, each just as sad though.  But no matter what the end result was, it brought Clint and Natasha back to each other, back to their rightful spots at each other’s sides and uppermost in each other’s hearts.  It was always them and if they’d killed one or the other without letting the other one be there, I would have been so furious.

And I’ve seen a lot of hate about letting Natasha die this way.  For a man, no funeral, but I don’t agree.  I don’t want her to have died and I’m so sad, but I think it was a glorious death and I think it did close out her arc beautifully.  Clint tried his darndest but she was better than him and she chose it and she saved everyone.  You want the credit in this film, it goes…rat, Scott, Natasha, Tony. As for her not being mourned, heck yeah she was.  Clint clearly is mourning and that funeral was absolutely for her just as much as Tony. It’s a movie structure thing, and I have no issues with that.  There’s no way she wasn’t heralded just as much as he was to the people who matter if not to the world.

I did read that the writers/directors didn’t know there was a Black Widow movie in the works and if that’s true, it both proves and illustrates my two points that Marvel really is the deciding force in everything if the individual movies are so sure that they’ll get stopped if they’re wrong they don’t even bother to check on things, and that the MCU has gotten too big for its britches and doesn’t bother to take care of the characters they have in their insane rush to bring in new stories and characters.

1970s

Goodbye Stan Lee cameo, we miss you already.  And look at Community sneaking into the MCU one bit at a time.  And Jarvis!  You know, that’s the first character from one of the shows who’s been allowed to be in a movie rather than the other way around.  Way to validate, Marvel.  It’s scary how the technology works to make younger versions of people these days (provided the actors are still alive to play underneath the CGI).  And Peggy, glorious Peggy, that was an important moment for Steve and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.  I’m not overly fond of old Howard Stark but if Tony got to see him, I’m glad.  I’m so glad for his sake.  He deserves validation he was loved.

Back to our present.  A mourning scene for Natasha is appropriate and, boy, would I hate to be Clint.

The second snap. Appropriate in many ways for it to be Bruce and the snap worked!  Everyone came back.  Question: did everyone come back in the same place they left just 5 years forward in time? It seems that way from what Peter said. So…what about the people who came back in planes that were no longer in the same space in the sky or in space or underwater or in buildings long gone?  For that matter, did Thanos consider all those things when he wiped out half the universe?  Did the accidents resulting from people being gone get considered in his numbers?  I know these are more IW questions, but they’re valid. And like I said, Asgardians?  The people who died as a result of people being snapped, did Bruce bring them back as well?  And we can also talk about how a sudden influx of people like that will likely cause quite a lot of chaos and issues.

But then explosions and Thanos attacks even though it makes no sense for him to be there and people are drowning and the compound is destroyed!

Battle commences and the three of them pounding on Thanos like that is pretty cool. Unfortunately, guys, remember how unbeatable Thanos was with the Stones in IW, and how it almost seemed like Thor by himself would get him?  Here, he doesn’t have the Stones and our three main guys are not able to beat him. That’s a little contrived, just saying.

Okay, but Steve with the hammer, how cool is that?  And how cool is it for Thor not to be jealous?  We all cheered so loud and it was awesome.  Love it, love it, love it.  Don’t break the shield though!!!  (Never mind, pop back to the PAST store and pick up a replacement.)  Good fighting, good visuals, yay.

And the image of Steve standing by himself, ready to take on a whole army…it’s so him.  He is willing to fight to his last breath always (so stop hating on him finally getting to rest himself, guys).  It was glorious.

And then…on your left.  Oh my heart, oh we all cheered for every portal opening.  That music, it was the best.  Such awesome moments, everyone was there.  And extra sorcerers and Wakandans and Asgardians because like it or not our superheroes are not an army.  Epic battle!

Okay, and remember how people complain about Natasha not being there in the all woman power move (which I am totally fine with and it was a cool throwback and tribute), that’s sad and all, but you know who deserves to be there who wasn’t? Maria frikking Hill!  No reason her and Fury couldn’t have been there and if you’re going to bring Hope, you might as well bring Hank and Janet.  And frankly, I wish Sif had shown up and the SHIELD folks and all the other people who weren’t there, Nakia anyone?  Strange clearly gathered more people than he knew about with his knowledge of the future.  Heck, let’s remember Betty Ross exists since her dad clearly does.

So anyway, fabulous battle.  I just want to point out that Wanda could have beaten Thanos on her own (poor Wanda) and so could have Carol. 

Peter and Tony reunion brought my cold dead heart back to life.  He’s learned a little bit about being a Dad and he did this mainly for Peter. 

Nebula has to shoot herself, like how messed up is that.  Also, makes no sense, but it’s very sad.  Thought maybe that’s her catharsis, she puts the past literally behind her and moves on with her new family.  She was so tragic in this movie and I love her.

T’Challa knows Clint’s name. 

Peter and the Gauntlet clutching.

It’s nice to know why Strange saved Tony’s life by giving up the Gauntlet and that was a horrible one finger to have to lift up and condemn a man’s life.

Tony and Pepper fighting together

AvengersAssemble one more time

For heaven’s sake, where did the flying horse come from?

And then the culmination of eleven years of our lives and full circle I am Iron Man.  Oh brave Tony, I love you, sir, you are aces and I respect the heck out of you and I’m so thankful for you and it was very fitting.

Oh and having Rhodey and Peter and Pepper say goodbye.  Oh Pepper, you brave soul, you queen of the MCU, you absolute giver. Ugh, being the one left behind sucks.

And then everyone is fine and together and better and Tony gives us a voice over and there’s a funeral and we see everyone there, Tony Stark has a heart, and when Happy starts talking about cheeseburgers, I lost it.

I didn’t recognize Harley, but I love he was there.  Ross doesn’t deserve to be there.

Clint and Wanda’s moment gives me life and is the only remembrance for poor Vision.  Let’s remember folks, that I called it. Everyone who was snapped came back. Those that died apart from that, didn’t. Heimdell, Loki, Gamora, and Vision are still dead.

No one saw what happened to 2014 Gamora, did they?  A mystery likely to be unanswered until Guardians 3.  But Peter searching for her made me sad.  And it made me sad for everyone to gang up on him though I do like the idea of Thor joining the Guardians.

Scott, Hope, and Cassie together is so sweet.

And Steve…

I am a fan, I don’t think it’s OOC, I don’t think it’s lazy writing, I think Captain Frikking America deserves to dance and love his lady and not have to fight a battle anymore.  It’s a fitting end to Chris Evans and it was beautiful.  I would have been happy with either Bucky or Sam getting the shield and so that’s lovely.  As for people being upset about Steve just leaving and then Bucky not talking to Old Cap along with Sam.  Come on, guys.  Watch that scene.  Bucky knew what Steve was going to do and they had their goodbye there.  Also, Old Cap didn’t drop dead the second the camera left, guys.  There was plenty of time for him to talk to Bucky.  It was just was more important for Sam to get his proper goodbye and to pass the baton. 

Them ending it all on a happy Steve and Peggy, well, one of the couples deserves a happy ending, geesh.  Nobody else got one!  (I don’t count Clint and Laura!)  Granted, the next phase of lovers, T’Challa and Nakia, Strange and Christine, Scott and Hope, I guess, they could make it.  But Steve and Peggy living a life together, Steve learned how to let it go, and Tony learned how to give it up, and both are valid paths for their characters. Sad either way, but ultimately right in my opinion.

The credits were so cool and I was so happy they did the OG6 at the end like that.  They are the reason we love this and they deserve all the glory for the first few phases of the MCU.  They’re now passing the baton and that’s always why it was good and final for there not to be an end credit scene.

So time travel…I don’t pretend to know anything about quantum physics, but I know a lot about science fiction time travel.  The quantum tunnel being how they did it, that was the part that I could accept as being their rules of how they want to play it.  Doesn’t matter if it isn’t science, it’s their science.  Pym particles necessary to nagivate?  Okay, if that’s what you want to do.  Everyone always back at the exact same time with no time having passed no matter when you push your button to come back?  Okay, whatever.

There’s a lot of ways to do time travel.  Closed loops, paradoxes, alternate timelines, whatever happened happened.  LOST does the latter and it makes logical sense. The past happened the way it did because you always had gone back to the past and affected it, you just didn’t know it at the time.

But there’s always a certain amount of hand waving in time travel, okay?  It’s not easy to make it make sense.  Back to the Future is very solid, but there’s a certain amount you just have to accept.  Doctor Who does it really well, because it uses practically every type of time travel in its timey wimey way and manages for it to mostly make sense.  (River Song’s creator and his glorious power mad timeline aside.  Had to write two different fics to fix that!)  So like I said, you can go with a different version and have it make sci fi sense, but there are two incredibly important things to remember about time travel. 1. Ethics.  2. Stick to your own rules.

The Russos have confirmed alternate timelines were created with every change our peeps made in the past.  According to their version of time travel, it didn’t change their own pasts and can’t affect their future, but it does create alternate timelines.

Just to be clear, alternate realities and alternate timelines are different.  The multi-verse theory allows for completely different realities to be stacked alongside each other where every possibility is played out.  You can cross between them, sometimes the rules are that you can’t function in that dimension or sometimes you can take the place of that version of you and live there, either way.  It’s a whole separate place apart from your reality.  Generally, it’s not good form to interfere too much, but if you do, best to get back to your reality quickly.  You being there and making changes doesn’t change that world though any more than you switching jobs or meeting someone does in your own timeline. Too much crossing could destroy all realities though!

Alternate timelines are different though.  They are deliberate changes stemming from a cause and affect everything from that point on. Most of the time if you jump back to the future from a past where you changed something, then you’re jumping back to the future that change created.  Endgame doesn’t do that.  Which is very convenient and again, they can make their own rules even if they’re not logical and I’ll believe them, so long as they follow the two main things I said up above.

However, they don’t.

1.       Ethically, do they have the right to create other timelines and affect those people’s lives without knowledge of the consequences?  There’s now a timeline where a 2012 Loki is loose with the Tesseract. Folks, that’s not a good thing considering his mindset at the time.  There’s a 2014 Asgard Thor that doesn’t have his hammer (although when Steve took it back with him in time, I’m unsure whether he returned that as well as the Stones) and whatever Hank was going to use those Pym particles for, he now can’t. 2012 Steve knows about Bucky being alive.  2012 Hydra thinks Steve is on their side.  2014 Thanos and Gamora and Nebula and all his children are gone from that year and now the Guardians will never form in that timeline. 

Sure, maybe Frigga doesn’t die now, but the point is there are now numerous different timelines where billions of people’s lives will be different for better or for worse simply because our heroes decided to change their own timeline. How selfish is that?  Generally, it’s even a huge question when you’re trying to fix something that’s already been changed, ala SG1 Continuum.  Beau Bridges calls Cam, Daniel, and Sam arrogant for assuming that he’ll change billions of people’s lives because they insist the world was supposed to be different.  All any of us know is the reality we’re presented with.  Anya asks in Buffy how Giles knows the other world (the timeline Buffy came to Sunnydale) is any better.  He didn’t.  We did, but that’s another story.  We should consider how our actions changing time affects things other than the one thing we’re trying to fix.

2.       We’ve already been over how they gloss over the need for Pym Particles when it’s convenient for them so I won’t rehash that, but let’s talk about the Stones.  Why the heck is it all right to take any person or object you want from the past so long as it’s not the Stones?  Just because they make up the fabric of time?  Well, if that’s the case, when Thanos destroyed them, all time should have stopped or the universe exploded or something. Honestly, I could have handled their way of doing time travel a lot more if they hadn’t made such a big deal about needing to restore the Stones to the exact moment in time they were left in order to avoid these dark branches.  The Ancient One is just arguing for the logic of all the sci fi time travel that Endgame is saying is so wrong.  They should have just cut that part out.  Of course, that gave Steve an excuse to go back in time…so maybe it was all in the name of his ending, but that’s the poor writing part of that.

How do they get from one timeline to the other?  When they jump to the past, they always conveniently end up back in their own present but Old Cap had to jump from his alternate timeline to this one (specified by the Russos, mind you) to give Sam the shield.  How did he do that?  If he had just used his wrist device at the time he wanted to use it basically as long as it takes for him to accomplish his goal as Bruce says (according to their logic of time travel), he would have appeared on the platform when they expected him to, just old.  Of course, that’s not as nice of an aesthetic as Old Cap sitting on a bench, so I’ll give them artistic license on that.

It’s awfully convenient that Steve jumping back to the past and replacing all the Stones is so easy to do.  He never runs into any problems jumping into an alternate timeline, but they’ve created so many different ones, I feel like it should be easy to.  For instance because they changed things in 2012 and the 1970s, if he jumps into the 2012 one first, couldn’t he possibly jump back to the wrong one?  Tony sure made time travel infallible when he fixed it on the fly in his house with his only a genius on earth brain…

But one of my biggest issues is that the past has now become a get out of jail free card. Provided they have enough Pym Particles (which he’s alive now to make), they can fix anything they want in their own timeline (screwing all others) whenever they want.  Guys, no one ever has to die again!  Because here’s the thing, you can grab anyone from the past seconds before their death and it’s fine. 

All of the pathos and feels from Endgame have become meaningless.  Let’s go back and get Yinsen from Iron Man, we’re definitely saving Pietro.  What about Stanley Tucci?  I’m definitely saving Yondu. T’Chaka?  Odin, Frigga, Loki, Heimdell, the Warriors Three, and most definitely Vision, Gamora, Natasha, and Tony.  See, you can’t bring them back in the snap, but if you grab them before they die, then their timeline suffers, but yours doesn’t and as we’ve already established, apparently that doesn’t matter.

So, guys, we never have to cry again.  Everybody lives, Rose, everybody lives!  That’s what’s so dangerous and illogical about Endgame and time travel in my opinion.

Yeah, I know that was a novel, but there’s probably actually more I’ve forgotten which is ridiculous.  Kudos if you actually read that.

[theuniquepoutine]

100 Questions Nobody Ever Asks

I was tagged by the ever so wonderful @sandy-sims​ ♥

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? I don’t really care tbh, but I’d say closed most of the time.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Nope. :P

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out, mah body needs to breathe. xD

4. Have you stolen a street sign before? Nup.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Sometimes, they can come in handy. :)

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Nope! :P

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Gosh huh, a swarm of bees I guess? Both are awful. xD

8. Do you have freckles? Yisss during the summer on mah cheeks a tiny bit.

9. Do you always smile for pictures? No, definitely not. xD

10. What’s your biggest pet peeve? Oh my, I guess when people sit next to me in the bus when there’s other seats available. I hate that it bugs me, but I really can’t help it. xD

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not really. :P

12. Have you peed in the woods? I think so, when I was a kid. o-o

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? Nuh.

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Yes, sometimes. xD

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Not really.

16. How many people have you slept with this week? 1

17. What size is your bed? Double.

18. What is your song of the week? THIS I LOVE!!!!1!!1!

19. Is it OK for guys to wear pink? Yes. :)

20. Do you still watch cartoons? Nuh.

21. What is your least favorite movie? Ouija. xD

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? I have no clue. xD

23. What do you drink with dinner? Water. xD

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I don’t eat chicken. :(

25. What is your favorite food? PASTA!!!

26. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love?

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? My boyfriend.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? I don’t think I would, I’m wayyy too shy.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Three years ago I believe?

31. Can you change the oil on a car? Nope, can’t even drive properly yet. ; - ;

32. Even gotten a speeding ticket? Nope, definitely not. xD

33. Even ran out of gas? Nuh.

34. What’s your favorite kind of sandwich? Tomato and mayonnaise!! :D

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Either pancakes or granola with yogurt and fruit.

36. What is your usual bedtime? 2-3 AM

37. Are you lazy? Sure am.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dressed up as for Halloween? I remember dressing up as a witch I believe. o-o

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Tiger!

40. How many languages can you speak? I speak French and English fluently, I understand Spanish but I have a hard time speaking it and I can barely speak German! (I LOVE LANGUAGES THEY’RE MY PASSION BAI)

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nuh.

42. Which are better: LEGOS or Lincoln Logs? LEGOS bcuz I have no clue what Lincoln Logs are.

43. Are you stubborn? Not particularly I’d say.

44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? I don’t know them.

45. Ever watch soap operas? Nope.

46. Are you afraid of heights? Kind of yes, but it’s not too bad.

47. Do you sing in the car? I haven’t reached that level of comfort yet LOL and I can only drive with somebody next to me, and singing isn’t really a thing I do around others. So no, I don’t. xD

48. Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes.

49. Do you dance in the car? See Q47, pretty much the same thing! :P

50. Ever used a gun? Nope.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When I was ten I believe?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Nahhh, they’re great! :)

53. Is Christmas stressful? NO, I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH.

54. Ever eat pierogi? No.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple pie. :3

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Either a teacher, a veterinarian or a doctor/nurse?

57. Do you believe in ghosts? I... don’t actually know tbh, I think I do.

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59. Do you take vitamin daily? No.

60. Do you wear slippers? Yes because my feet always get cold. ; - ;

61. Do you wear a bath robe? Sometimes.

62. What do you wear to be comfortable? My joggers and a T-shirt.

63. What was your first concert? I’ve never been to a concert.

64. Walmart, Target or KMART? Walmart because I’ve never gone to those two others stores.

65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas.

66. Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds? Peanuts.

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Newp.

69. Ever take dance lessons? Not really, but I did have a step class last semester and I remember hating it at first, but then I ended up loving it! :)

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Not particularly.

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yeh.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nope.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I don’t think so.

74. Own any record albums? Neh.

75. Own a record player? Newp.

76. Do you regularly burn incense? Nah.

77. Even been in love? Yes, I think I could say so.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? COLDPLAY!!!!1!!!1111!

79. What was the last concert you saw? -

80. Hot Tea or Cold Tea? Hot tea. :)

81. Tea or Coffee? Tea.

82. Sugar Cookies or Snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles.

83. Can you swim well? Nope, not at all. xD

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.

85. Are you patient? Not really. I wish I was more though. ; - ;

86. DJ or Band at a Wedding? Band.

87. Ever won a contest? Newp.

88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? Nope.

89. Which are better: Black or Green Olives? Green olives!

90. Can you knit or crochet? I used to be able to knit when I was a child, I don’t think I can anymore though.

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room.

92. Do you want to get married? No.

93. If married, how long have you been married? -

94. Who was your high school crush? Some guy that first had a crush on me in secondary 1 (seventh grade) which I first rejected. Then I started having a crush on him too, but my friend and he were starting to have a thing, but then my other friend told him I was feeling that way, so he dumped her to go with me, but then, my anxious self started feeling unsure, so I left him hanging during the Christmas holidays, and when I thought I’d talk to him, he was already with another girl. xD Freaking kids though. LOL That’s actually just the beginning of the story. It started that way and then I ended up having this crush for like a year and a half.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Not really, at least I try not to? o-o I hate coming off as immature and selfish, even though I probably do sometimes.

96. Do you have kids? Nope.

97. Do you want kids? Absolutely. :)

98. What is your favorite color? Light brown or pastel colours? Like a pastel blue? I don’t really have a fave tbh.

99. Do you miss anyone right now? No.

100. Who are you going to tag to do this tag next? @fatpandasims @pearlescentsims and @maryannasims (Don’t feel pressured to do this tag if you don’t want to though!!)