#hiiii hiiii I love him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

niningtori · 9 months ago

Text

to know him is to love him, and i do | chapter one: do you not love me? like at all?

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you

summary: you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?)

word count: 2.1k

notes: hi friends! ... r u mad at me? be honest (*´ｪ｀*) i'm sorry i've been gone for so long, but i've had the worst writer's block with my other story. i decided to just post this because i couldn't get the idea of toxic!beomgyu out of my head. don't worry, he will suffer. anyway, i hope you like it!! if not, please don't hurt my feelings i beg.

"i told you it was nothing. why are you freaking out?"

"she was fucking you with her eyes, beomgyu!" you exclaim in frustration.

"and that's my fault how?"

"it's not your fault, but i'm sick of you entertaining women, let alone your actual fucking ex, while i'm standing right next to you!" his ex is just another fish in the barrel, or at least that's what he says, but the thought that they were intimate together at one point still makes you feel sick. truthfully, your boyfriend is handsome, so you've spent the better part of the past 10 months warding off the women who circle him like vultures. you wouldn't mind as much as you do if he seemed at all interested in helping you do so, especially when faced with his ex that you suspect he still has feelings for, but he does not. quite the opposite, actually. it's like he thrives off of the attention and god it hurts.

"i'm not entertaining anybody. i told her i have a girlfriend now," he, well, you would say argues, but it's said so nonchalantly it doesn't warrant the term.

"a girlfriend you proceeded to ignore while she hung off of your shoulders and laughed all night! i just don't understand how you don't understand how much it hurts my feelings. i'm a human too! how would you feel if my ex, who was very clearly interested in me, hung around me right in front of you?" and it's like you're explaining empathy to a child.

"me? i wouldn't give a fuck because it's not that serious," he replies with a slightly irritated shake of his head.

it's always like this. always. you're always the one who cares more between the two of you. you were the one who asked him out in the first place. you were the one who initiated your first kiss. your first fight. hell, even your first reconciliation. you're not stupid, you know he doesn't feel quite the same way you do, but he has to feel something, right? otherwise, why would he say yes to you when he's rejected so many other women? your brain hurts trying to wrap your head around it all.

"you're missing the point! if you were me, you would—" you begin frustratedly, but you cut yourself off. "you know what? i don't even have the energy to explain this to you. i don't understand why i have to explain basic human emotion to you and i really don't understand why i have to beg and plead for you to care about how i feel!" you all but shriek.

"you don't have to do shit, just leave if you're that fucking unhappy," he spits out angrily, which is the first real emotion — besides mild annoyance — you've seen out of him this entire conversation. he gets impatient when you're like this, which usually results in you relenting, but not tonight. you're far too hurt to let go so easily.

"you're right! i am unhappy! i just — why don't you care that i'm unhappy? what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" you have a brave face on but you can feel your eyes getting hot and your voice trembling ever so slightly.

"you could try not being so damn needy, maybe that'd help."

your eyes redden even further and your lips unintentionally twist themselves into a sour frown. you hate it when he calls you needy because you do need a lot from him, it feels like. his time. his care. his attention and affection. yet you never seem to get it.

"do you not love me? like at all?" you ask. all of the venom in your tone has been sucked out mercilessly and you sound more helpless than angry.

"do you not realize how fucking crazy you sound?" he scoffs as if he can't fathom why you'd be upset. as if he's not watching you break down in real time.

"why won't you give me a straight answer?" you question, voice softer than it was before.

he does nothing but scowl and you know beomgyu well enough to know that he's avoiding your question. that's enough of an answer as it stands, really. he doesn't care. never has. probably never will.

"then why'd you even say yes to dating me?" you truly don't understand. you thought you were different. you thought he saw something in you he didn't see in his harem of other suitors, and trust that there were many.

"i dunno. i was just bored, i guess," he answers with a shrug and your world as you know it collapses. the man you love sees you as nothing more than a way to kill time. he's picking you up right now just to toss you away when the next shiny toy presents itself. and so far, you've let him drag you around because you love him. that's how much you love him. but looking at him now, at how unbothered he is, you wonder if you've even got anything left to give.

"i really do love you," you manage to squeeze out with a bitter smile. your poor heart is on display for the naked eye to see and it seems like he really couldn't care less, but that won't stop you from asking. "does that mean anything at all to you?"

"well, i'm sorry you feel that way," he says simply, "but that's not my fucking problem."

your heart sinks to your stomach and you feel like you're going to throw up. in this moment, as you watch the love of your life dismiss you like you're a fucking dog begging for scraps of food, you feel an overwhelming sense of clarity as you realize he doesn't love you. he doesn't even like you. he probably hates you, actually. like a mental montage, every moment in which he showed you that exact sentiment plays all at once in your head.

all those times you let him choose everything from movies to dinner because the idea of a compromise was inconceivable. all of those occasions, special and otherwise, where you were supposed to go out on a date, but he'd bail without a word and you'd forgive him with no apology. when you'd offer him your share of dessert because he ate all of his and you knew he wanted more, and he'd take it without so much as a thank you. how you'd sit and listen to him tell stories about how amazing his friends were, but he'd never even ask about your day. when those same friends would jokingly call you the perfect girlfriend and you thought it was an indication of how good your relationship was, but in reality, it was a way to tease him because the thought of actually being with you was so abhorrent and ridiculous that it must be a joke. all those times you told him you loved him and he'd just smile and kiss you deeper. memories like these flood your brain with a vengeance so cruel it makes your head ache, and in a way, you realize it's ridiculous to be surprised when there was so much proof of his feelings in the first place.

"oh. okay," you say with what you hope is a soft and unbothered laugh, but comes out more as a choked one. "i guess there's nothing left to say. i'll get my shit and go."

you hesitate for a few excruciatingly awkward moments before collecting yourself enough to start gathering your things, which are scattered haphazardly around his apartment from his bedroom to his bathroom. it's like a walk of shame, almost, and you feel even shittier when he plops down on the couch with a long suffering sigh as he begins to massage the bridge of his nose. you feel so small in this moment — like a petulant child who just got done throwing an unsuccessful tantrum — and you're now soaking in the sobering aftermath and sitting with the thought that he just watched you have a meltdown like he was watching a monkey putting on a show. how much more is he going to humiliate you? enough is enough, you think, so before you can actually finish collecting all of your belongings, you're scurrying out of the apartment. before you go, you glance back at him one last time. "beomgyu?" you ask tentatively, tears clouding your eyes.

"yeah?" he replies with a sigh. this is it, you think.

"i don't want to see you ever again," you say firmly. before he can reply, if he ever intended to in the first place, you slam the door.

there's a lot to love about beomgyu. for one, he's handsome, which is obvious, but he has a certain allure you could never help but be drawn in by. he's always been a charming man, but even more so when he's talking to a woman he's interested in. as interested as he could be, that is. he's funny and comically pompous when he wants to be, but still somehow down to earth despite it all.

he's been described as a mood-maker, and while he grew to resent that term, you thought it was at least partially true, if only in the context of your relationship. when he's sad, you're devastated. when he's happy, you're over the fucking moon. his feelings are your whole world. or were, you guess, since all that's over now.

it wasn't all bad all the time, you think. there were times where you thought he really might reciprocate even a fraction of what you felt for him, and most of the time, that was enough. you could work with that. love looks different for everyone, you would reason. maybe he just had a funny way of showing it.

there were days where you'd laugh together and end the night lying in each other's arms while you'd cradle him like he was the most precious thing in the whole world because, to you, he really was. he was normally so boisterous when with his friends, but while he would never admit it to anyone else, he'd tell you about some of his insecurities while you gently combed your fingers through his long, silky hair. he'd speak of regrets and longing for people to take him more seriously. he'd never say it, but he wanted people to see you like you saw him. the real him. you'd let him cry while your hands cupped his cheeks and you'd shush him while he fiddled mindlessly with your hair like a child. you'd kiss his the tip of his reddened nose until he laughed instead of cried. times like those, you'd really think you were someone special to him. but now you realize you were wrong. you were just an outlet for him, and anyone willing to be an emotional dumping ground would do the trick too.

after a few weeks of moping, your sadness has begun to morph into anger and resentment. you spent nearly a year of your life trying to make an emotionally stunted man care about you, and that's not even counting the years of pining over him before you finally worked up the courage to ask him out. it was difficult to see it in the moment, but after being away from him for so long, it's crystal clear that he was honestly just an asshole who didn't really like you. nothing more, nothing less. maybe he'd find someone to change for someday, maybe he'd even work things out with his ex, but for whatever reason, you weren't her. that's just the way it goes, you guess. what really bothers you are the "what if's" of the situation. what if you were prettier, or smarter, or kinder. would he have seen you for who you really are? would he have grown to appreciate you if you had given him more to appreciate?

either way, there's no use crying over spilled milk now. you won't be going back to him any time soon and he certainly won't come crawling back to you. you'll continue to think of him less and less until your time together fades into a distant (and unpleasant) memory. you smile at the thought.

330 notes · View notes

deftosweet · 3 months ago

Text

Faint Signals.

Where you and Kratos cook something together.

No tw! Enjoy ^_^

Hunting was something you usually enjoyed doing, it wasn't a heavy or boring task... Except when you didn't find anything.

It was quite late, the sun had already set a few minutes ago and you were walking back to your little cabin in the middle of the forest. Your boots crunched the snow under your feet as you walked tiredly, and somewhat frustrated by your useless outing. You were close to your home when you could notice in the distance that there was someone outside your home, with some caution, you continued to approach until you noticed who it was, Kratos.

“What are you doing here?” — You asked as you walked in his direction to enter your cabin, before answering, he simply looked at you and noticed your apparent tiredness. —“You didn't hear me?” —You asked him again, somewhat irritated this time. The useless hunt put you in a bad mood all the time, but you didn’t want to be rude to your friend, much less if he took the trouble to come to your home so late… For whatever reason.

"I wanted to see you."

Kratos answered directly, as usual, but to your surprise, his voice sounded a little softer than usual. — “You look tired. I'll leave if you want.” — Kratos added with an understanding tone, you could feel how he seemed to analyze you with his gaze, and he looked a little worried.

“Oh, I’m fine, don’t worry… I didn’t find anything for today, so I don’t have anything to offer you if you want to have dinner” — You joked a little to lighten the mood, you didn’t want him to worry too much about you, after all you could take care of yourself and be on your own without him accompanying you all the time.

“Dont worry, I brought you something.” — You were a little surprised to see how he had brought a couple of rabbits to have dinner together, handing them to you while avoiding looking you in the eyes, you thought it was a nice gesture on his part for having thought of you.

The two of you used to keep each other company often, since Atreus wasn't around, Kratos usually sought to be with you (even if he wouldn't admit it). Having dinner together was a regular thing for both of you, yet you felt it was something very personal to him, since he wasn't the type of person to share much with others.

“Wow… Thank you, really.” — When you thanked him, he didn’t seem to give it much thought, and simply walked past you to enter your house with you.

As you entered, you left the rabbits on a small table in the area where you were cooking, preparing everything you would need to cook them for dinner.

“Would a stew sound good to you?” — You asked as you glanced at Kratos, only to notice him staring at you. He quickly looked away from you and you simply laughed a little. Kratos nodded and you were ready to start cooking, yet you could feel him occasionally looking at you.

“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable? Food will be ready shortly.” — You pointed to the chair where he usually sat to eat, but he didn’t nod or obey, he just stood there as if he were thinking about what to say. — “I was thinking I’d help you out,” he admitted quietly, just enough for you to hear. — “I thought… It’s kind of unfair that you do everything while I sit and wait for the food.”

You looked at him again with a tender smile, you didn't know he could be empathetic with things like that. — “Well… You could prepare the meat while I take care of the vegetables, is that okay with you?”

Kratos nodded and walked over to where you were, you left the rabbits with him and gave him a knife so he could prepare them. Meanwhile, you started cutting up some vegetables for the meal.

“Could you… cut them smaller?” — You were minding your own business when his voice snapped you out of your little trance. You stopped cutting the vegetables to look at him for a moment with a playful smile. — “What, you don’t like them?” — You chuckled, not maliciously, you just found his request curious. — “It was just a comment." — he replied, but he didn’t sound annoyed, in fact he seemed to play along.

You sighed with a chuckle and continued cutting vegetables, this time agreeing to his request to cut them smaller.

The two of you were silent for a few moments, the sound of knives doing their work, the night breeze, and the crackling of the wood on the fire being the only sounds present. Although Kratos thought it was an awkward silence, the lack of words didn't seem to matter to you. You even thought it was nice to be able to have such close situations with someone like him.

After a while, you had finished preparing your part, leaving the vegetables in a plate, you walked to the fireplace to boil the water for the meal.

You let the water heat up while Kratos finished preparing the meat, you watched him from afar, until you decided to try and chat with him to ease his discomfort.

You approached the counter where he was concentrating on working on the meat and leaned on it, watching him as he was busy. — “Are you always this focused when cooking, or is it because I’m here with you?” — You joked as you approached his side, perhaps too close…

Kratos kept his serious expression, but inside he felt somewhat nervous. He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye without taking his hands off the knife, finishing skinning the meat to start cutting it up — “I just like to do it right.” — he murmured, his low and firm voice hiding quite well the tension he felt from your proximity. You laughed softly at this, enjoying how the idea of making him nervous crossed your mind — “You could relax a little, I'm not judging every move you make” —

Kratos stopped for a second, looking directly at you now as he let out a sigh — “You're trying to distract me, aren't you?” — You noticed how he got a little closer to you the same way you did.

The intense but brief way he looked at you made you pause for a moment, feeling your cheeks heat up at his slight change in attitude. Still, instead of backing away you only felt more drawn to him.

— “I don’t know, am I distracting you?” —

The space between you two became a little smaller, at the same time as the sound of his knife against the counter stopped. Kratos looked a little more withdrawn, he gulped, but didn’t back away — “Sometimes.”

You didn't expect him to admit it, after all he was someone quite serious and focused, so knowing that such simple actions could break his concentration made you feel quite special.

“Well, then I should just shut my mouth, right?” — You asked him with a laugh before adding — “I must be really annoying sometimes…” — You pulled away for a moment while sighing as if you were disappointed in yourself.

Before you could get any further away, you felt his hand grab your arm, his grip was gentle and didn't hurt you, but he still held you in place — “I didn't say you were a bother.” — Kratos looked into your eyes as he held your arm, you felt his olive green eyes staring into yours without him hesitating.

You didn't know what to say, you just nodded slightly and he let go of your arm. After he let you go you felt your heart beating faster than usual and your cheeks burning from blushing. Still, the feeling was nice, the butterflies in your stomach kept fluttering as you thought about what was going through his head right now.

“I think… I'll go check on the pot” — You spoke after a brief silence between the two of you, as you walked over to the fireplace you could feel his gaze fixed on you, which made you more aware of your movements. While you waited for the water to be ready, Kratos approached you with the vegetables and meat ready for the meal. He gently touched your shoulder and you nervously began to cook the ingredients. The two of you remained silent until Kratos handed you a ladle so you could check the food and prevent it from burning. As you took it, your fingers briefly touched his, but you quickly pulled your hand away and returned your attention to the food.

“So… you usually cook alone, right?” — You asked to break the ice. Kratos looked at you, his intense gaze now seemed to have something more to it this time

— “Yes.” — He answered simply — “I didn’t expect to do it today though.” —

The answer took you slightly by surprise and the atmosphere felt denser for you.

— “And how do you feel doing it now?” — You added, even if your heart was beating hard now, you appeared confident.

Kratos looked away before answering, looking at the fireplace as he replied, “Not bad.” — His words were soft and sounded sincere, but he still didn’t look at you.

— “…Actually, I like doing things with you. You’re nice.” —

You felt your face heat up even more, the way he admitted how nice he found your company took you by surprise, especially considering that Kratos was usually distant and quiet, even more so with his feelings.

— “It’s not that big of a deal…” — You answered trying to relax, joking a little.

— “It is for me.” — He interrupted you before you could speak further — “You make me feel good. I hope I’m returning the favor.” — He added as your gazes met, and this time, he didn’t take his eyes off yours. You didn’t know what to say, you just stared at him for a moment until the smell of food brought you back to reality, but before you checked on the food, you responded to his words:

— “I like being with you too.” —

-----------------------------------------------

Author's Note: This is my first time writing fanfiction, hope y'all like it! Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and I'm using a translator! ^_^

#god of war #kratos #kratos x reader #he is so silly #idk how to tag this #thanks for the support #hiiii <3 #i really love him

70 notes · View notes