#higgs x female reader

[rainrot4me]

Return The Favor

Summary: Stumbling in on your neighbor’s chopped up body, an unlikely friendship forms between you and Toby. Striking a deal, you agree to help the killer and his friends, buying them necessary prescriptions. But when one visit turns to multiple, Toby becomes curious, finding a not so subtle love note hidden away.

Characters: Ticci Toby x Female Reader

SMUT WARNING MINORS DNI

TW: Mentions of death, explicit description of a dismembered body, decomposition, death, gore, obsession, vomit, throwing up, blood (non-sexual), blood (sexual), vaginal fingering, degradation, biting, overstimulation, squirting, creampie, vaginal, choking, gagging, somnophilia, rough, Toby literally goes insane about you, virginity kink, first time, desperation

Words: 9.4k

A/N: This shit long asl I'm so sorry...

It’s said that when there’s a dead body nearby, your body can sense it before your brain can. 

It’s almost like instinct, a survival nature programmed into your brain. It’ll start with goosebumps and chills running all over your body as if you were being watched, this uncomfortable sensation that you just can’t rationalize. Then the anxiety sets in, body aching and sweating for no apparent reason but it just knows there’s something wrong. 

Finally, when you’ve finally choked it up to just being your imagination, that’s when you’ll smell it. Throat instantly closing and nostrils flaring at the putrid stench of rot and gore. It’s incomparable, no amount of food poisoning or disease compares to the sickness you feel in your stomach at the smell of a human body decomposing. Every instinct in your body pleading and begging you to get out of there, run as far away until you can’t breathe anymore. 

You would know. And it seemed like the boy huddled in front of you did too. 

There was no real reason for you to even be in this house in the first place, but your all-too-good heart guilted you into it. You had just come home from work, mind tired and body sleepy as you unlocked your front door, tossing your bag onto the kitchen table inside. It was well past midnight, the diner you worked at closing way later than normal, but at least you made some good tips. 

Sliding into your bedroom, you changed into more comfortable clothes, tying your hair back before stepping into your kitchen. You gripped the tiny journal lying on the counter, cracking the worn pages open to where you left off, scribbling your thoughts onto the paper. It was your nightly routine, journaling things you saw or did, a coping mechanism suggested by your therapist. It wasn’t for anything intensive, just minor anxiety and self-image problems, always having negative thoughts about yourself. It helped. Glancing up, you looked through the tiny window above your sink, a clear view of your neighbor’s back porch, Mr. Higgs, an older man who made it very difficult to be friendly. He was a hateful guy, always nitpicking your choice of decorations or specific outfits he didn’t find appropriate. A real sweetheart, obviously. 

But compared to his usual eight PM lights out, the living room lamp was still bright, shining directly through his open back porch door. That was odd. As long as you had known this guy, it wasn’t like him to be up this late, let alone be outside. Every instinct told you to just clean up and go to bed, his angry ass probably scooting off a raccoon or something. But you just couldn’t pass up that nagging feeling, your kindheartedness overpowering you. So, sighing, you tossed a hoodie on and slid out your back door, stepping down the porch steps into the cool grass.

You flinched as a flash of brown passed your vision, small and thin against the dark grass. Cooing, you kneeled down, holding your fingers out as Mr. Higg’s old cat, Addy, sniffed the air around you, pressing against your bare legs as she purred. The man was way too protective of his cat. Something was definitely wrong.

Standing again, Addy pranced away, meowing loudly behind you as your bare feet became wet against the midnight dew, grass sticking to your ankles as you walked, arms hugging yourself against the cold. This would probably just end with you getting told to mind your business and stomping back to bed upset, but it was the thought that counted. Gripping onto the porch rail, you stepped up his creaky wooden porch, knocking against the wooden frame of the open door.

“Mr. Higgs? Everything alright?” You called into the room, refusing to go in. There was no response, you knocked again after a couple of seconds. Still nothing. You gulped, rubbing your arms against your sides, nerves wracking you. “Okay. I’m coming in. Don’t get mad 'cause you didn’t answer me.” You called again, pressing past the door and wiping your wet feet on the welcome mat. 

The house was quiet, the only light being the lamp sat on a coffee table adjacent to the old couch. All the furniture had an older look like something out of the eighties, it made you cringe. “Mr. Higgs, are you home?” You shouted down the dark hallway, all the doors shut except for one at the end which you assumed to be his room. Hugging yourself, your legs felt anxious, your mind racing with all the reasons you shouldn’t walk down there. There was no reason for it, this was all just probably some old guy who forgot to shut his door, but you just couldn’t shake the feeling.

Taking a step down the hallway, that’s when it started. Those feelings, like your body can feel shouldn’t be there. The air suddenly grew thick, a nauseating feeling setting in against your chest, pressing down like a conscious weight. But you shook it off, telling yourself it was just you scaring yourself with all of those crime shows, but you should’ve known better.

The door was cracked, moonlight from the open shades pressing against the doorframe, your hand flat against the wood as you pushed the door open. Then came the smell. It was stout, a putrid funk that wafted against the walls, souring the room. The room was dark, pupils blown wide as they fought to see, hand sliding against the wall and searching for a light switch. Your body was tense, senses on high alert against the dark, breathing ragged against the awful stench filling your senses. Your eyes were beginning to water, wondering what in the hell could be stinking this terribly, until you felt the switch, flipping it on.

Your first instinct was to throw up, throat constricting and stomach tightening, but you just couldn’t move. You were petrified by the scene in front of you. Mr. Higgs was there, at least, what you could recognize of him. His head had been cleaved from his body, intensive amounts of blood staining his beige bedsheets. His cheeks were bloated, a gnarly purple color as his veins poked against his forehead, skin wrinkled and soaked in blood as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. They were yellow now, dark veins contrasting against the orbs as puss leaked from every hole on his expressionless face. The rest of his body was scattered, chunks of muscle shredded from his arms and hands like they had been cut off, legs more or less the same. His wide stomach was completely visible, his skin swollen and dark, bloated against the same liquids spilling from his pores. The blood was the worst part. It was just everywhere. Splattered on the sheets, the nightstand, even the walls, specks reaching the roof. You were so lost in your racing thoughts, your heart pounding heavily against your chest as you gripped the door tightly, knuckles white on the frame. You could feel the cold sweat drip down your brow, utter fear chilling your body. 

You wouldn’t have even noticed the tall boy standing in the corner if he hadn’t flinched, eyes wide and locked on you. He was lanky, easily taller than you and pale. No, not pale, more gray. He had curly brown hair that fell in front of his eyes, his freckled cheeks flushed against the bandages across his jaw. A pair of goggles rested amongst his curls, a dark mask covering his nose and mouth. He wore dark wash jeans loose around his hips and a heavier brown hoodie that was stained with dark blood. Oh God. The boy didn’t look much older than you despite his bruise battered skin. But he wasn’t moving, wasn’t talking, he was just watching. 

His hands were behind his back, shoulders scrunched against the corner of the dark walls as you pressed back off the door frame, breathing ragged. “Who the hell are you?” You grimaced, tone coming across a lot more confident than you felt. The boy flinched, not out of fear, more like a bodily reaction. He refused to answer, eyes scanning around quickly until he pressed off the wall, sliding to the shuttered window and pinching the blinds open, scanning the night without explanation. That’s when you heard loud boots stepping up the porch steps, head spinning quickly down the hallway. “Shit.” You heard him, the boy’s voice panicked and rough, his boots stepping quickly across the hardwood and into your vicinity. Panic strained you, head spinning back quickly before your vision was filled with his arms wrapping around you, palm slapping over your mouth as he pressed you to his chest. 

You tried to fight back, mumbled pleas against his hand as you shouldered his arms, your back pressed firmly against him. He was dragging you into the room, your feet dragging as you struggled, clawing his arms away but he never budged, practically unaware of the scratches you were leaving on his hands. “F- Fuckin’ quit-” He growled quietly, pressing open the small closet doors and dragging you both in, quickly shutting the door as you heard the boots grow louder down the hallway. A sliver of light shone through the crack in the door, leaving you just enough room to see the gorey scene as you pressed off of him, his muscled arms refusing to let you go.

“Toby?” A scratchy voice called into the room, the figure stepping through the door frame and into your line of sight. At his appearance, you froze completely, your body tense against the boy behind you. His arms gripped tighter, bandaged fingers digging into your cheek as he kept you quiet. He was horrifying. 

This man was taller than the one in the closet with you, pasty skin a sharp contrast against his dark messy hair. His eyes were wide, pupils dark against his reddened scleras. He wore a white hoodie, dark jeans covered just the same with Mr. Higg’s blood. But the worst part, the part that made your heart pump in your throat, was his smile. It was etched in, flesh torn upwards into a mocked smile, teeth exposed from the side of his cheek. The area was mangled, seemingly unhealed as blood dried against the cut. He almost made Mr. Higgs seem not that bad.

“Twitch, come on,” He called again, hands shoved in his hoodie pocket as he strolled around the room, kicking Mr. Higg’s severed foot out of the way. “I’m gettin’ tired. This guy had some good beers and I’m tryna get back home and drink ‘em.” He snickered, turning back out of the room and back down the hallway, his loud boots stomping against the old floors. Who you presumed to be Toby didn’t let you go, arms just as tight around you as you gripping his hoodie’s sleeves tight. “Fine then! If you’re gonna play fuckin’ hide and seek then I’m leavin’ your ass here!” He called throughout the house, your body only untensing when you heard the back porch door slam shut, loud boots thunking down the porch and out of earshot. 

You both waited a couple of seconds, heart thudding in your ears as arms slowly released you, palm unclasping from your mouth. Panicked, you slammed out of the closet, turning around quickly and facing Toby, back pressed against the nearest wall as you searched for something to defend yourself with. “D- Dumbass.” He grit, pressing out of the cramped closet and facing you, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie. The stench of the room pressed harder than ever, making your head dizzy as you pressed out of the room and down the hallway, Toby quick on your heels. “Whoever the fuck you are, whatever the fuck you want, I’m sure Mr. Higgs didn’t have it. Why in God’s name is he in pieces in his bedroom?” You hissed, gagging as the image replayed in your mind, turning into his kitchen and wracking the cupboards. When you found a small plastic cup, you ran water in through the sink, chugging the stout liquid down as you calmed your breathing. Toby stayed in the doorframe, crossing his arms. You probably shouldn’t have let your guard down, knowing full and well what he had just down to your neighbor, but you figured if he was going to he would have already.

“It’s none of y- your business. I don’t k- kill innocents, so you s- shoulda just stayed home, m- missy.” He growled back, stuttering through the words. You tossed the cup in the sink, the plastic clattering against the metal as you turned to face him, running your hands through your hair. “Hard to when you guys so obviously left his door open. The bastards hounded me for years, you’d think I’d be happy about his death, but not fucking like that.” You hissed, leaning back against the counter and crossing your arms, bare feet cold against the porcelain tiles. “I mean, Jesus. And I mean, thanks and all for the save back there, but how is killing him and saving me any different? It’s just favoring one innocent over another.” Toby shook his head, sliding past you and tugging a drawer open, shovelling through old receipts until he found the stack he was searching for. He passed it to you, paper crinkling as you skimmed through, old pharmacy receipts for prescription medicine. 

“H- Had the old bastard bu- buying our meds. Paid h- him off and everything. Un- Until he started g- giving us coun- counterfeits, sellin’ u- us out. He h- had to pay u- up somehow…” He huffed, shoving his mask down off of his nose and under his chin, his thin lips chapped against the bandages hugging his cheeks. And of course, he was cute. 

“So he gets shredded?” You had to breathe through that sentence, throat tight with nausea. Toby nodded, a small smirk crooking at the corner of his lips. You grimaced, pressing off of the counter and through to the living room, the old furniture seeming a lot less homey now. You were going home, filing a police report, and praying to God these fuckers didn’t come back to get you instead. 

“U- Uh, might wa- wanna clean up, t- too,” Toby chuckled from behind you. You paused, confused as you looked around, stomach twisting as you looked down. Bloody footprints trekked through the kitchen behind you, a trail leading to your bare feet as you lift your knee, gagging at the sight of Mr. Higg’s blood coating your soles. Toby was laughing, the noise muffled against the ringing in your ears as you hunched over, stomach convulsing as you puked on the hardwood floors, your lunch from work coming back up. Head straining, you panted, wiping your lips. “Oh, s- shit, okay.” Toby hissed, sliding to your side and raising you up, hugging you close to his side. He drug you through the door, stomach still churning as you watched your footprints faintly appear beneath you, purposefully dragging them through the grass to get the blood off. You felt disgusting, giving no fight as Toby brought you to your porch steps, helping you up. He was so bipolar, angry and distasteful for one second, then cautious and endearing the next. It really was like you were dealing with a teenager. 

Addy circled your ankles, her dense fur tickling your skin and making you jump, Toby gripping your arms tighter. “Oh, hi kitty.” You cooed, breathing deep as you kneeled down, scooping her up into your arms as Toby helped you up the rest of the steps. Without asking, he slid open your screen door, helping you both inside as Addy purred against your chest, Toby wary as he stared at her. You dropped her on the floor gently, Toby sliding the door shut as you hunched over your sink, cleaning your mouth and grabbing a rag for your feet. Toby still eyed Addy, fidgeting his nails as he followed her. “Ever seen a cat before? She was Mr. Higg’s.” You chuckled, cleaning the soles of your feet off and tossing the rag into the sink, still feeling unclean. Toby nodded, rubbing his arms nervously as he looked back at you, smiling awkwardly. “Yeah. Us- Used to have one. T- They kinda sc- scare me now.” Smiling, you scooped Addy up again, petting her soft fur as you brought her close to the boy, his neck twitching nervously. 

How could this guy shred a man to pieces, but petting a cat was too frightening for him? You couldn’t understand. Digressing, you gripped his wrist, steadying the twitches as you placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently as Toby flinched, breathing quickly. Addy purred, unbothered by the action as he became more comfortable, fingers playing with her fur before he pulled his hand back, breathing deep.

You were too nice for your own good, too easy at giving the benefit of the doubt. Of course, you would find the redeemable traits in a murderer, heart hurting for this boy who was more or less the same as you. Groaning, you dropped Addy, crossing your arms. “Listen. What you did, it’s… For my own conscience, I can’t let it happen again.” You grit, circling your countertop and sitting on a stool, your journal tucked in front of you as you fidgeted with the pages. “If we can agree, I’ll buy your meds. I have a friend who can write me prescriptions, no questions asked. But I need you to understand, under no circumstances, are you allowed to harm me. I’ll call the cops.” Like the cops could stop these lunatics. But, you needed some type of leverage. 

Toby thought quietly, eyes narrowed as he flinched uncomfortably against Addy rubbing on his shins, purring loudly. If you could hold your end, there would be no trouble, but he had to know he could rely on you. “Th- The meds aren’t for m- me. My f- friends, they need ‘em to function, m- mentally… You g- gotta realize this is- is serious.” Even stuttering his voice was stern, arms crossed as he thought, contemplating. You nodded, brushing your hair from your face as you groaned, realizing how desperately you needed to learn to set boundaries. “I can get them. But you have to keep your end, too.” You hissed back, pinching your fingers nervously. Toby smiled, crossing his heart, literally. Rolling your eyes, you nodded, rubbing your face as you groaned. What the fuck were you even doing? 

“I’ll have them by the end of the week. Come later at night, cops’ll be swarming for weeks thanks to you.” Toby nodded, sliding over to the counter and gripping your journal, tearing a page out as he wrote the list of prescriptions you would need to get. It was a hefty list, some of that shit intense. “Abou- About that,” He slid his mask up over his nose, sliding the screen door open as he stepped out, chuckling. “Do- Don’t go outside. Gonna ma- make it look like a g- gas leak.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he shut the screen, sliding his hood over his head and peeling down the porch steps. Finally taking a deep breath, you stared at Addy, wondering what in the absolute fuck you were doing. Rest in hell, Mr. Higgs.

-

He made it look like a gas leak alright. The house was on fire in minutes, the bright orange flames lighting your room as you heard sirens in the distance, your other neighbors gathered outside their houses as you climbed into bed, groaning your displeasure. Cops and firefighters swarmed for days afterwards, investigating the area thoroughly, but never finding any remains of Mr. Higgs, his body buried somewhere far away. They eventually grew restless, the city quickly cleaned up the charred remains of the house and a new plan for construction was set in soon. It went over smoothly, no one even suspecting a thing. 

The days passed slowly, nervousness building as the end of the week grew closer, feet shuffling as you stood in line at the pharmacy. You got the doctor’s notes easily, already called in and waiting to be picked up as you were handed a small paper bag, the pharmacist eyeing you closely as you hurried out. Once in your car, you rummaged the sack, eyes wide as you read the dosage instructions on each little pill bottle. You read each bottle carefully, cringing at the names of the contents: Thorazine, Prolixin, Haldol, and even Aripiprazole. They were all high-end antipsychotics, the list of treatments for schizophrenia and mania, along with treatment-resistant depression. The last bottle caught your eye, a quick Google search told you it was for tourette's. So his twitching wasn’t just nervousness, huh. Shoveling the sack into your bag, you sped home, Toby well on his way as the sun set low.

The first week was easy, Toby in and out without so much as a hello, nodding his thanks as he bolted back into the woods, eyes dark and heavy. It was easy for you, moving along with your life despite the one night of the week. You felt easier, the boy quick about his stops with some chat, but never hanging around for too long, eyes always scanning the tree line nervously. 

As weeks passed, he grew more comfortable, you learned that he was quick about stopping due to his friends, their curiosity about you making him nervous about losing his ‘dealer.’ You learned to leave his meds on the counter, sometimes not even present when he would sneak in at the late hours of the night, your job taking precedence over your sleep schedule. But with all of this money being spent weekly on medicine, you had to pick up more time at work, everything being paid for out of pocket not to raise suspicion. You were sleeping more, journaling and your hobbies taking less importance until they were practically nonexistent. It was hard, your serving heart refusing to let you rest, making sure Toby got his medication is the most important thing. You were strained, to say the least. 

However, surprisingly, after a couple of weeks, Toby wasn’t in a hurry to leave. He had slid in like he always did, you sat at the counter eating your dinner as you scribbled through the pages of your notebook, summing up the previous days. You were exhausted, Toby making you jump slightly as he shut the screen door, rummaging through the paper sack. “G- Got any more?” He grinned shyly, sliding his mask and goggles off and tossing them onto the counter. You nodded to the fridge, an extra container of leftovers from the diner quickly opened in front of him as he shoveled it into his mouth. “It’s better heated up,” You laughed, shutting your journal as you slid off the stool, gripping the to-go container from him and popping it into the microwave. You both sat there awkwardly, Toby kneeling down to rub Addy’s back as she appeared beneath him, soft purrs echoing. He was still nervous, never petting her for too long before standing back up, the microwave beeping. The food came out steaming, sliding open a drawer and handing him a fork, Toby continued to shovel the food into his mouth. You hissed, holding his arm as the steaming food sizzled inside his mouth, it had to be burning him. “Oh. Y- Yeah, I don’t fe- feel pain. Th’s good, tho- though.” He grinned, slurping up more of the food. He acted like he hadn’t had warm food in forever, stuffing his face and barely giving himself time to chew. You rolled your eyes, chuckling as he ate.

The stays became longer after that, his excuse being he was hungry, continuously raiding your fridge until you began to have food ready for him, prepping his meals along with your own. Thirty minutes turned to an hour, to two hours, and then eventually through the night. He would crash on your couch, Addy curled in his lap as the television blared some old movie. That was one of the only times you didn’t see him ticcing, the cat acting as an anchor against his restless body. He looked truly comfortable, using your blankets and pillows to his advantage, beginning to invite himself to stay the night after a while. 

You sat at the counter, Toby snoring loudly as he laid face first into the couch pillow, scribbling into your journal. It was the one thing you had time for, having to get up early for work as the soft glow of the kitchen light lit the pages. Toby was practically pushing himself into your life, his lack of manners and curious mannerisms leading him to take initiative. You were grateful for his friendliness, giving great detail of his missions with his friends and explaining that whole situation. Even still, you were wary. 

But against your better judgment, your relationship with the killer was becoming less transactional. He brought you things to make for dinner, talked with you through your mutual sleepiness, and even took care of Addy when you were too delusional after work. For lack of a better word, he was becoming a friend, showing up for more than just his medication, even sometimes forgetting the bag and having to chase him down. He was infesting your life, arriving earlier than he should and leaving later than you cared for. The end of the week was becoming optional, the screen of your porch door sliding open nearly every night of the week Toby didn’t have a mission. It was annoying but in a comforting way, like you both were becoming closer naturally despite your differences. 

As you heard his snores, you groaned, rubbing your tired eyes as you began to write, letting your pencil guide on the page numbly as you wrote your thoughts. It wasn’t directed at Toby on purpose, but the further you got down the page the further your heart sank, hand fisted in your hair as you rested your elbow on the cold marble counter. “Ah, Jesus…” You grit, scribbling the final few words as you lean back, rubbing your head. The words weren’t lies, more of a hard truth you weren’t willing to accept, chalking it up that you were just tired and desperate. The words could have been about Toby, or they could have been about anyone, you didn’t really care. Sighing, you tore the page out, folding it and shoving it into the back of the book, closing the pages quickly. Sleep sounded much easier as you flipped the kitchen light off, turning the volume of the television down as you trudged upstairs to your room, giving one last glance to the snoring boy and his matching cat.

-

Toby knew his mishaps with you, his moral compass long forgotten the more time he spent inside your home. He told himself it was just easier, food and shelter at his disposal whenever, but he knew better. It was so much more than just picking up medicine for Tim and Brian now, it was a solid relationship, a bond that was forming in his eyes. 

It had been almost four months since the unfortunate death of your neighbor, a smile creeping every time he saw the charred flecks of wood buried in the overgrown grass. You had begun to leave the back door unlocked, reasoning that someone breaking and entering would be less of a hassle than him. That was what Toby really hooked onto the most about you, your humor about everything. Despite your hardships and the emotions you had to overcome, you held a caring heart, compassion always lacing every action. He found it admirable, your humor through your busy life. And, likewise, he did feel bad for making you work so much, tired eyes always hurting his heart whenever you were around. But, it wasn’t like he could get a job, so he helped where he could, cleaning and learning to cook for your sake. He needed this medicine, for his friend’s and his own stability, even at your expense.

You were already nestled at your spot on the counter, writing your thoughts in that damn journal. You barely even looked up as he entered, diving for the fridge as he scooped up Addy with one arm, her purs a nice vibration against his shoulder. Popping the container in the microwave, he leaned in over your shoulder, trying to catch a glance at your scribbling before you shoved him off, closing the book quickly. “Ah, ah, mind yours.” You smiled, forking your own food into your mouth. “O- Oh come on, [Y/N], just a pe- peak.” He smiled back, gathering his food as he began to eat, sliding onto his familiar spot on the couch. It was routine now: where you sat, what he watched, what you both talked about. He explained his latest mission with Masky in more detail than you enjoyed, pushing your food away as you groaned, hiding your face in your hands. You both laughed throughout the night before you whisked your food into the fridge, calling your goodnights before heading upstairs. 

Toby continued to watch the television, brushing Addy’s back with his bandaged fingers as he sat his empty container to the side. His curiosity nudging him, he raised up, tossing his trash before he slid to the counter, you all too confidently leaving your journal there. Slipping back onto the couch, he began to flip through the pages, listening closely for your footsteps as he read your entries, smiling as they dated all the way back to your high school years.

It seemed as though everything you thought spilt onto these lines, emotions erratic between every page as he realized just how much of a people pleaser you really were. All through your recent years, it was nothing but service, acting through the goodness of your soul until it felt sickening, fake almost. He cringed, flipping quickly through but finding nothing juicy, no deep dark secrets that he felt were interesting. Sighing, he closed the journal, standing to set it back onto the counter, until a slip of paper fell from between the pages. Smiling, Toby leaned down, arms twitching as he slid the journal back onto the counter, leaning against the marble as he flipped the paper open, reading carefully.

“Sometimes, when I think about it too hard, I get all emotional about myself. I know I put on a front, like everything I do I’m in charge of and can handle, always putting everyone around me first. But what if I wanted to be put first? I do so much for the sake of others but it never seems to be returned, never compensated for the mental strain. Well, maybe I want to. Maybe I want to be loved like I see others, rough and real. I have no clue how I even would, I can barely handle touching myself before I'm overwhelmed. But I just want someone else to take the reins, show me that I don't have to work my brain so hard and can just numb out. That's not too much to ask, right? Just someone who can love me, not some creep or one night thing, someone who cares. If I never ask for anything again, that would be it. Someone who wants me for me.”

He could have died. The brunette’s cheeks dark as he re-read the crumbled page, excitement coursing through him. In his mind, he wanted to storm upstairs and just rattle you then, showing you how good he could treat you. It was like a bomb had gone off, Toby having to pretend like him having a crush on you wasn’t achingly obvious, convincing himself he just didn’t know how to act around women. But now it was clear, his mind racing with a million wants and needs, body spasming under the excitement. 

Convincing himself to leave, he slipped the note into his pocket, body buzzing with excitement as he slid out your door. He would be back, like always. But this time, he would show you what you truly needed, what only he could give you. 

-

Like always, Toby left a note for the medication you needed to pick up, it sometimes changing week to week. Everything looked normal, the usual combination of pills reading off. But as you scanned the bottom, you groaned, shoving the paper into your pocket. Trilafon, Saphris, and… Plan B. As if your desperation for some affection couldn’t have gotten much worse, your heart twisted, a lump growing. Whether it be for some girl he was laying or a girlfriend he already had, you didn’t care, all you wanted was to get the medicine and go. Crawling into your bed sounded like a much more exciting activity than dwelling on the brunette, heart saddened in all the way you knew it shouldn’t. 

To make your night even better, Toby didn’t show. It wasn’t unusual, for him sometimes not to show up for days due to extensive missions. But a part of you longed to see him, especially after today, just to help your mind with the whole morning-after pill situation. So now, instead of imagining him surrounded by his friends on a mission, you imagined him towering over a girl. Strong arms holding her, body contorting to fit against hers… You could’ve been sick, shaking your head as you ate quickly and pressed upstairs, barely petting Addy before you slinked into bed, hauling the covers over your head. 

It was lonely on nights without his presence in your house. But especially tonight, thoughts racing uncontrollably to the point of tears, thick droplets streaking down your face as your chest hurt, longing for a body, any body, to hold close to yours. Maybe you really were just a transactional thing. 

-

Toby smiled as he trekked through the familiar stretch of woods to your house, heart racing in his chest. He had it all planned out, exactly what he wanted to do, his cock already twitching in his jeans. 

He hadn’t shown up tonight on purpose, hanging back at the mansion to take the best shower he could, Ben teasing him about how good he smelled as he was leaving. You had to be well in bed by now, body tired after working all day just for him. He would take care of you, showing just how grateful he was for how much you were giving up just for his friends and him. Pressing past the tree line, he smiled, pulling his hood down as all the lights in your home were out, signaling your retirement. 

Pressing up the steps, he slid the screen door open quietly, careful not to alert you as he clicked it shut. Stripping his hoodie, he tossed it onto the couch, Addy purring light against the cushions. It was warm in your house, black t-shirt hugging his arms as he untucked it from his jeans, climbing up the steps, his mask and goggles quick to come off next. 

He was too excited for his own good, boots stepping quietly against the old hardwood as he slinked to your door, fidgeting with the knob. A rush of your scent blew into his face, your perfume stout in your small bedroom, eyes searching around in the dark space for your bed. It wasn’t hard with your breathing, quiet snores making him smile as he leaned against your mattress, admiring your unawareness. You looked so peaceful, his bandaged fingers tracing your cheeks and brushing your hair from your face, your skin flinching under his touch. “Hi, baby…” He whispered, the pet name sounding right against his tongue as he referred to you, tugging the sheets down. 

Toby always knew how nice of a body you had, you sometimes sauntering around the house with shorts and a t-shirt and making his eyes trail just a little longer than normal. But now, under his cold hands, you were even more gorgeous. You were wearing an oversized shirt, a slight tug at the fabric revealing that you only had panties on underneath, you slightly stirring as his nails brushed your skin. The brunette was excitedly jittering, kicking his boots off as he climbed onto the bed, kneeling at your curled body sound asleep. You shifted, rolling onto your back as you breathed deep, stretching your arms before settling back into yourself. Toby could have died, your legs stretching out to rest around him, his cock twitching with interest against your now visible panties. A quiet sigh breathed through your lips.

That was all the invitation he needed. Running his cold hands under your shirt, he felt your warm skin and goosebumps rising as you squirmed under them. Your brows scrunched but Toby pressed further, running his fingers along your waist and up to your tits, palming the mounds gently as he smiled. It was crazy to him just how soft your skin was, not weathered or bruised from missions or nature, perfectly smooth under his axe-calloused hands. Pushing your shirt up to your chest, he gasped at your round tits, the weight so perfect in his hands as he pinched at your nipples, rubbing the nubs gently. Toby was never very sure of anything, always brushing through life at the command of others. But the one thing he was sure about? His love for boobs, especially yours. 

Nudging closer between your legs, he rested your knees on his thighs, leaning down to your chest as he popped a nipple into your mouth, sucking gently. The nub was hard against his tongue, slowly circling as he massaged the opposite one in his palm, pinching your nipple gently. That’s when you began to stir, hands sliding against the bed and unconsciously searching for the cause of your sensitivity. Lazy hands pushed against his face, soft groans echoing in the boy’s ears as he popped off your nipple and moved to the next one. Your hands fingered through his hair, tugging lightly until your eyes were beginning to flutter, your mind slowly coming alive. Toby let off your tit, kissing along your chest and licking a stripe between your tits, humming as he watched your eyes slowly blink open, confusion rocking you. He kneaded your tits gently, tugging at your nipples as you realized what was happening, eyes slowly widening as you strained to sit up against him. “Toby? Wha-” Your voice was scratchy, ridden with exhaustion as the brunette kissed up your neck to your cheeks, pushing you back down as he slotted himself flush between your legs. Slowly realizing what was happening, your cheeks flushed dark, hands pressing against his chest as you squirmed, nervously babbling as your body was still half asleep. “Lay b- back, baby… You’re so ti- tired, let me take c- care of you…” Toby sighed, running his hands back down along your skin, relishing in the way your body nervously shook under him.

You physically could not believe what was happening. This had to be a dream, some sick trick your mind was playing as you felt cold fingers hook under your panties, sliding them down. Heavy eyes wide, you grabbed his arms, clenching your thighs together against his waist. “No- No, wait- I don’t even, I mean, I’ve never-” Toby was already shushing you, gripping your wrists together and kissing your palms before pushing them back down to your sides, resuming his tug down your thighs. “I’ve go- got you. Don- Don’t gotta worry about a- a thing…” He smiled, raising your legs up to slide your panties down the rest of the way, hooking them off of your raised ankles before pulling you down closer to him, pushing your shirt over your head. “Read y- your journal, you don- don't gotta act protective, ba- baby. I know this is what y- you want…” If you weren’t already panicking, you definitely were now. 

You wanted to hound him for snooping through your journal, mouth opening to tell him off. But as his fingers brushed against the inside of your thigh, dangerously close to your folds, you lost all train of thought. He was watching you, eyes excited in the darkness of your room as he swiped his thumb closer again, your thighs flinching shut. “Anyone else e- ever touched here before?” He mumbled, pressing his thumb against your plump lips and tugging them open, getting a nice look at the wetness that was already forming between your folds. Shaking your head, Toby lit up, cock pushing hard against his jeans as he had to adjust his position, using both hands to pull your lips apart, sighing at how pretty your cunt was. Just something about knowing that Toby was claiming his stake on you, imprinting his touch for the first time before anyone else could, made something deep inside of him burn. It wasn’t like the brunette got much play himself, hooking up with a girl here and there, but being your first? That already made this so much better than any other girl could even try. 

Sliding his fingers through your wetness, you gasped, hands clutching the pillow behind your head as he groaned, spreading your arousal across your lower abdomen. You whined, thighs begging to clench together as he purposefully slid your juices over your cunt, pressing his thumb down against your swollen clit and jolting your back off the mattress. You had only ever masturbated here and there, your body getting too overwhelmed after one orgasm and forcing you to stop, but would Toby stop? As he brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them into his mouth, you doubted his restraint.

“Please be gentle…” You warned, hands planting on the mattress as you sat up, resting on your elbows as you watched Toby bring his digits back down to your cunt. He rolled his eyes playfully, tugging your folds open with his opposite hand as he pressed the tips of his fingers against your entrance, pressing in slowly. “I’ll try…” He laughed, your fingers gripping the sheets tight as you watched his fingers sink in slow, stretching your cunt uncomfortably. His index and middle fingers screwed into your tight walls gently, twisting his wrist to draw a moan from your lips, digits spreading against your gummy walls and making your entrance ache. “Just i- imagine my dick in here…” He cooed, eyes darting between your nervous face and your pretty cunt fluttering around just his fingers, barely even handling them. 

Pressing his opposite thumb against your clit, he began to rub in small circles, dragging your hips further and further off of the mattress until you were practically rolling your hips against him. His fingers probed in and out of your cunt at a slow pace, just enough to make you comfortable with the unfamiliar intrusion, but his arms ached to go faster, curl his fingers until you spasmed. “Toby…” You sighed, his hands moving in time with other as he screwed his fingers inside of you, angling them just enough so they pressed against your tight walls. His name sounded like heaven against your aroused tongue, so quiet but so desperate, secretly drawling for more. “Tell me w- what you want, ba- baby…” The pet name made your face hot, your stomach fluttering as you pressed back into the pillows, running your hands down to your thighs and squeezing the flesh. “I want… more…” You sighed through your arousal, cunt clenching desperately around Toby’s cold fingers, sucking them back inside every time he drew them out. The brunette laughed, pushing his feet under him to push his hips up against your ass, your hips raising off the bed as he fingered down into you. You could feel his cock straining behind his jeans below your raised ass, twitching needily with every tug of his fingers and moan that whined from your throat. His size was overwhelming, making your heart pound as Toby began to curl his fingers, making your eyes shut quickly. 

His fingers pressed so deep in your cunt, curling against your sensitive walls and making your jaw hang, beginning to press against your walls at a steady rhythm. It was like a new fire had lit under Toby, fingers screwing in at a quicker pace and making your stomach clench, face screwing into an overwhelmed feeling. His fingers pumped in, knuckles sinking in through your wetness and gripped by your gummy walls, curling his fingertips just right as he got deep. It was so intense, so rough, just a mess of slick and your wet cunt sounding through the room with every squelch as he abused your clit, swiping left and right quickly. Your thighs twitched and ached with every curl, trying to close around his hand practically fucking you into sensitivity. Your hands wrapped around his forearm quickly, begging his wrists to stop curling abusively inside of you as you tugged your nails into his skin. Toby wouldn’t, continuing to pump his fingers as he stared at your flushed face, cunt squelching embarrassingly loud. “Just a l- little more… Co- Come on…” He groaned, nudging his hips against your bare ass as his fingers milked moans and whines out of you, his fingers glistening with your arousal every time he tugged them out. He couldn’t feel you clawing at his arms, loud groans begging him to let up as your cunt clenched, molding around his thick fingers. 

You could feel your orgasm rolling through you, Toby huffing as the veins in his arms popped, his shoulder muscles straining against his shirt as he watched your face carefully, picking up as your moans became louder. “Gonna come f- for me? Yeah?” He teased, clothed cock twitching against your ass, pushing your cheeks apart as he rutted against you. He curled his fingers quicker, mumbling his arousal as he watched your cunt swell around him, clit throbbing under his thumb. Your orgasm hit you like a truck, stomach tightening and forcing you to sit up, Toby was quick to let off your clit and wrap his arm around your back, holding you up as he pumped your through your cunt squelching, tightening around his digits. Your eyes rolled, teeth grit tight as he palmed your clit, slowing his pace to a slow thrust as you became undone against him. No orgasm of your own had ever compared to that, head light and chest heavy as you breathed quickly, gripping Toby’s shirt tight. 

Refusing to let you go, Toby leaned in, pressing kisses against your neck and licking at your sweat, relishing in the warmth around his digits. You whined, cunt sensitive as he tugged his fingers out, his skin raw and pruned against the wetness coating his digits. Your folds were absolutely drenched, Toby spreading his fingers through your lips and pushing his sopping fingers over your warm thighs wrapped around him. “God, y- you’re so wet-” He gasped, pressing his fingertips back against your clit as he laid you back, gripping your tit. Your mind panicked, cunt flashing with sensitivity as he began to rub against your clit, swiping left and right against the rub quickly. “Toby- Stop- Toby, please-” You cried, breath catching in your throat as your stomach clenched, his fingers pressing hard as he pinched your nipples, eyes trained on your wet pussy. “You e- ever squirt before?” He smiled, transitioning fast between digging his fingers into your cunt and pulling them back out to swipe against your clit. It was nauseating, cunt crying desperately for relief as he dug nails into your tits. Gasping loudly, you gripped his arms, knees screwing tight against his sides as you cried out, hips bucking up against his hands. 

Every time his fingers slipped into your entrance, they squelched loudly, fluttering around the intrusion before desperately aching as they tugged out and moved onto your clit. “Squirt li- like a whore, m- mkay? Quit fightin’.” He hissed, letting his hand off your tit and scooping under your left knee, pushing it back to open your cunt wider, spreading your legs further apart. Your head was dizzy, heart pounding as you gasped for air, panting at every push of his fingers. You were already quick to cumming, but it felt weird, not that normal clench you felt in your stomach, more of a strain against your cunt itself. You cried out, tears slipping down your cheeks as he forced your pussy against his will, ruining you. 

As he swiped his fingertips down hard against your clit, your entrance clenched, mouth opening wide as you cried out, hips bucking up as you felt your cunt squirt, thighs trembling hard. There was literally nothing to compare it to, mind hazy as you sprayed onto his black shirt, his fingers digging into your entrance and pushing more juices out of your swollen folds. Toby was smiling, moaning his approval as he rubbed your clit softly, pushing the last of your orgasm out as you strained against the mattress. “Gunna fu- fuck you dumb, baby…” He growled, tugging the soaked shirt over his head and tossing it as he unzipped his jeans, tugging them down and off his legs as his cock hung heavy against your drenched cunt. You couldn’t even react, head spinning as Toby gripped your hips, pushing you onto your side as he grabbed your ankle, pulling it onto his shoulder and straddling your other. 

Neck craning with excitement, he teased the tip of his swollen cock between your folds, slicking himself up with your ruined juices. “This is wh- what you wanted, is- isn’t it?” He smiled wildly, pressing his cock into your ruined cunt, groaning loudly as you swallowed him in, warmth gripping tight as he gripped your leg, other hand stable on your tit. You groaned, face turned into the pillow as he began to thrust deep, giving you no mercy as he tugged at your nipple, biting at your calf as he fucked into you. You felt so full, your body so exhausted already as stretched you further, your entrance burning against the sting of this new girth. You squeezed him so tight, cock forcing itself deeper with every tug of his hips as you began to cry, tears staining your pillowcase.

“Fuckin’ tal- alk to me, baby. Gunna mak- make me cum al- already.” He sighed, teeth chewing against the meat of your calf as he pressed your cunt wider, sweat dripping from his nose as his curls clung to his forehead. He let off your tit, left hand slinking up to grip your jaw and turn your face back to look at him, your eyes heavy as they blurred with tears. Toby looked so good right now, cheeks dark against his freckles as he towered above you, cock pushing against your gummy walls and making your mouth hang. “So pretty…” He smiled, slinking his hand down to your throat and squeezing, cock pulsing as your face tightened, mouth gasping out as he clamped tighter, refusing you air. There was something so orgasmic about cutting your airway, watching your body react as he fucked your virgin cunt, holding your life in his hands. He had to breathe deep to stop himself from cumming, his violent brain spasming out. 

He pushed your ankle over his head, pulling out roughly as he rolled you onto your stomach, you gasping from the wave of air hitting your lungs. Pushing himself against your ass, Toby swore, pushing his cock back into your cunt as he pushed your back down, making you arch against him. “Just a l- little more, m’kay?” He growled, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck and squeezing hard, pressing your face down into the pillow. With a new pace, he fucked down into you wildly, hand kneading your ass hard as digging his nails into your skin, little welts forming across the soft flesh. Your muffled cries sounded against the pillow, head light and static filled as you gasped for air, Toby’s cock ramming down against your g-spot. “Never s- seen a bitch so willing, so des- desperate for my dick you’d gi- give it up so easily.” He teased, growling as he let off your neck, neck sore as he leaned down, pushing your hair off your neck. Toby hadn’t felt like this before, wanting to mark you, fucking you so desperately he wanted to carve his shape deep inside. He couldn’t let you go without knowing exactly who you craved, corrupting you, ruining you, molding you to fit only him. 

He licked against your shoulder, sucking onto the skin before he pressed his teeth, digging both hands into your hips as he sunk them in, groaning at the pop as your blood soaked his teeth. You were crying, screaming into the pillow as your entire body begged for him, craving him, mind going blank as your blood dripped from his chin as he licked at the wound. He pressed on, nibbling into the crook of your neck and sucking revolting hickies into your skin, marking you like an animal. “Wan- Want you to come on m- my cock, baby. I got- gotta fill you full, want y- you ruined for everyone b- but me.” He mumbled quickly, cock begging to spill inside of your warm cunt as you reached around, gripping his hair as he sunk his teeth in again, walls fluttering around him. You pulled his hair, dragging his mouth off of your neck and to your lips, smashing your swollen, tear-stained lips against his as he groaned, kissing you roughly. 

You were cumming again, back arching onto Toby’s cock as you moaned into his mouth, walls holding him tight inside. He tried to move, to continue thrusting, but you were so tight all he could do was rutt his hips, begging for friction as his own seed spilt, his brows screwing tight as he came deep inside of you, warm cum seeping deep into your cunt. Your mind was blank, eyes rolled as you cried into his grasp, his nails digging into your hips until you were nearly bleeding. Your cunt squelched, milking his cock as he finally pulled from your lips, letting the last of your orgasms fizzle out before he pushed off of you, slowly tugging himself out as you whined. Looking back, his cock was soaked, glistening with your arousal and streaks of blood, Toby’s eyes wide. “Ah… Yo- You tore…” He hissed, wiping his soft cock with his shirt before pulling his boxers on, quickly trotting out of your room. You dropped your head back onto the pillow, cunt aching and body ruined as you sat in your sweat and each other’s cum, mind tired as you slowly blinked. 

Toby was back in seconds, a water bottle, a wet rag, and a small bag all in tow as he climbed back onto the bed, flipping your lazy body onto your back. You smiled, sipping the water bottle slowly as he began to clean you up, gently running the warm rag between your folds and against your thighs until he was satisfied, gently rubbing your skin. Finally, he grabbed the bag, your confusion evident as he tugged out the prescription bag, rummaging for the plan b he made you buy and popping one of the pills out, handing it to you as he smiled. Your chest welled, previous anxiety dissipating until you began to tear up, taking the small pill before reaching to wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him down next to you. Toby went easily, body cradling against yours as he kissed against the bruised spots on your neck, rubbing your bite mark gently.

As you began to doze, Toby mumbled something about your note, your mind too dizzy to hear the rest. The last thing you saw was a subtle flash behind your eyelids, sleep overtaking you as Toby held you close.

-

Morning came quickly, your body stirring, reaching for Toby but finding the bed empty. Confused, you sat up, eyes heavy and head still pounding but you pressed off the bed anyway, searching for the boy. Downstairs, on the countertop, laid his hoodie neatly folded, with a small piece of paper resting on top. Sauntering over, you reached for the top, sliding it over your head, it falling before your hips as you gripped the paper, reading its contents.

On a mission. Be back later tonight. Meanwhile, enjoy ;)

Flipping the paper over, you gasped, slapping your hand over your mouth. A small picture was taped to the back, a polaroid-type photo of the two of you cradled together, your bare body pressed against his, bruises and sweat on full display. Smiling, you tucked it into his pocket, breathing the scent of his hoodie deep as Addy circled your ankles, begging for breakfast. 

Staring out your back porch door, you made sure it was unlocked, always open for him. Killer or not, that boy was yours now, accepting his every mishap the same way he did yours. For the first time in a long time, you felt wanted. 

Rest in Hell, Mr. Higgs.

This was an anonymous request!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated! 𐚁₊⊹

[callmeana2310]

Old friends pt. 3?

Old Friends (Pt. 3/?) - College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Parts : Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Pairing: College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Warnings: light cussing, LGBTQAI+, alcohol, cigarettes, non-native in English! (Lemme know any mistakes, especially if anything is offensive in the slightest ways!!!)

Topics: friendship, crush, old friends meet again, college, bisexuals, music, soft, young adults, growing up, cute cuddly Nick Nelson

Summary: After years the reader meets Nick Nelson at college. They knew each other from Truham and Higgs and (Y/N) remembers her crush on him.

Word count: 2,115 

Note: This is for the 20+ gang who also loved Heartstopper. Nick is in his mid 20s and the reader in her early 20s!

Hi there! Thanks for your patience! I'm really busy, but I'm trying to write some more chapters, here is part 3 and 4 is almost done!

The next few days are stressful. I need to rearrange some courses, buy plenty of literature and materials for the courses and also get back into university life. I leave the office hour of my literature professor, walking across campus to get to my favourite coffee shop on campus. I order my typical, caramel latte with coconut milk. I sit down at one of the corner tables. I love this place because it has this beautiful dark academia charm. Everything is made of deep, rich red-brown coloured wood - probably walnut or cherry - which has been carefully oiled and polished over the years. The left wall is covered with bookshelves made of the same wood, stuffed with old and old-looking books. I've spent hours going through those books, borrowed dozens of them for private use, but also for my studies. I admire the books while sitting down. The whole coffee shop is always dark and gloomy. The warm light from the ancient chandeliers and the fake candles - fake to protect the books and the wood, still aiming to maintain the aesthetic - everywhere create a cosy and welcoming atmosphere. Behind the massive counter are: vintage coffee machines, huge glass containers with coffee beans and dark, heavy wooden lids, and three very kind and relaxed baristas who take and prepare orders. On every surface are some kind of plants growing and blooming, all very well and neatly groomed. The table I chose is one of the smaller ones, with enough space for two, if you're really trying four could fit, but very snug. I sink into the huge, dark green winged armchair and arrange the red fluffy pillow behind my back. I put my laptop on the table, looking around, taking in the musky smell of wood mixed with strong notes of coffee. The only thing I don't enjoy that much; is how packed this place can get. With that comes a lot of noise that can be very distracting. But today is one of the rather quiet days. I shake my head softly, start my laptop, open amazon to buy some novels and parallelly research for some poetry collections. "Y/N! Hi there!", I hear Darcy yell across the shop. I look up, wave and laugh, "Hi Darcy! Tara!" They order before coming to my table and sitting down. "How are you?", Tara asks. "Haven't seen you in a while!", Darcy exclaims. I shake my head in disbelief. "I can't believe it!", I say with disappointment in my voice. "Can't believe what? What happened?", Darcy panics a little. "We're here for two years and you forgot to tell me Nick studies here too?", I laugh. This time it's Darcy staring at me in disbelief. Tara laughs wholeheartedly, "Shit! Nick? Nick Nelson? We didn't? Well... Yeah! Of course, Nick studies here! Have you seen him? I haven't seen him in ages! He's too busy being a rugby lad I guess!" "Yeah! Finally! I met him at that LGBTQ Party before the semester started! I really didn't wanna go, but Emily and the other girls literally dragged me there!" "Well... Better later than never I guess?", Darcy laughs, "I could've sworn we told you when you first came here!" I check a few names with them just to make sure I didn't miss anyone else the last few semesters. Then one of the kind baristas brings us our orders and my earlier ambitions to get all the literature is quickly forgotten. Tara and Darcy have been away for the semester break so I haven't seen them in a while, they tell me about their road trip through Italy and we slip into a daydream about a joint road trip in the future. "Before we fall into an autumn depression lets plan something for the weekend! Y/N? Are you free on Saturday? We need a girl's night!", Tara suggests. I nod, "Yes! Totally! We could check out that new place at the centre?" "Cocktails at your place and then we head downtown?", Darcy checks her idea with us. "Girl's Night!", I confirm, raising my glass for a toast.

Saturday Afternoon

I come home from practice around 5pm. Just enough time to clean my apartment, hop in the shower and prepare some snacks. I drop my bag at the front door, kick off my shoes and go to the kitchen to check if I got everything for the snacks. I mentally pat my own shoulder after checking all the ingredients. I take a moment to connect my phone to my speaker and start some music. Taking in the vibrations from the bass of the first song, right before I take off to clean up. I literally run through the whole apartment, collecting clothes and similar items which belong in the washing machine. After collecting a reasonable amount I sort them into different piles and throw in the largest load possible. I. Hate. Laundry. And you can tell. I repeat the same route again and again picking up different items, and placing them where they belong. I fluff and rearrange my couch pillows and fold the blankets carefully, after that I quickly vacuum and mop the floor. While the floor dries I jump in the shower. My music is still blasting through the speaker and the time in the shower allows me to relax for a few minutes. And... Relaxation in the shower means screaming the tunes at the top of my lungs. After a thorough cleanse from head to toe I get out of the shower and wrap my hair and my body into a soft and fresh towel. I take care of my skin before heading back to the kitchen. I cut some vegetables, arrange them on some skewers, prepare a couple of different dips, and cut open some fresh bread I baked in the morning, I do the same with some fruits and prepare some chocolate to be molten as soon as Darcy and Tara arrive. Our girl's nights are always a feast, the girls bring snacks and drinks too and we have a blast before even going out. I take a look at my phone seeing it's almost 7 pm, sprinting to my bedroom to pick out an outfit. I sit there just in underwear for quite a while, standing up every now and then to try on some stuff but nothing looks the way I want it to. My door rings, I throw over a robe and open it for the girls. "Hi there Hun! Looks like an outfit disaster!", Tara chuckles while hugging me. "That obvious? Hi girlies!", I reply hugging both of them. "Very obvious. Who you wanna pick up today? Boys? Girls? Both? Non?", Darcy asks walking towards the kitchen. "I don't know", I try to pick an option, "I just wanna be comfy and look hot, because you guys always look hot!" Both of them break out in laughter, taking off their jackets; revealing BOMB outfits. "I hate you fesh lesbs", I groan only to make them laugh even more. "Give me a sec!", I shout going back to my bedroom. A white body, slightly see-through with a square cleavage, black flair pants and some simple, black, squared high heels. I walk into the living room presenting my outfit receiving some comments. "Hot but comfy! I would kill for your curves!", Darcy exclaims. That's all I wanted to hear. Lesbian approved! "You gotta do that dark brown sultry make-up! The one that makes your eyes pop!", Tara insists. I laugh, "That's the plan! But snacks and drinks first!" We gather in the kitchen, the girls carry the snacks to the couch table and I mix some of our favourite cocktails. We sit down together and toast to a great evening. As per usual we first catch up on stuff we missed the last few weeks, and then they show me some beautiful pictures from their Italy road trip, each one bearing a story. I style my hair and make-up while listening to all the great stories, missing Italy and travelling. We eat almost all of the snacks and drink almost all of the alcohol. I really missed this. 

Snacked up, snatched up and proper tipsy we head to town to a new, super modern and hip bar that just opened up. Getting there our girl's night is already kinda over because we meet shared friends we can't just leave sitting there. I say hi to the group when a glimpse of red hair catches my eye. He is here too? I should have known. Before I could finish that thought Nick turns around. "Hi!", he exclaims, looking me up and down. "Hi!", I reply before he pulls me in for a hug. "Wow! I've never seen you like that! You look beautiful! I mean you always do but... That make-up... Your eyes are... Just.. Very blue!", he laughs slightly nervous. I laugh, "Thanks! You look awesome too!" "Thanks!" He does. Black pants and a dark blue, well-fitted long-sleeve henley with the top buttons unbuttoned. Very simple, very powerful. Someone pushes me from behind, pushing me towards him, making me grab his upper arm and stand very close to him. He supports me by gently holding me by my waist. He looks down at me for a moment. Was that a smirk? "You good?", he asks. I can smell he already had some drinks. I nod, "Yeah, sorry! Ahm... Nice to see you again!" Suddenly someone properly grabs me from behind, pushing me aside. I am confused for a moment until I see Darcy walking past me, hugging Nick. "You know, we haven't seen him in a while either", Tara explains, shrugging her shoulders and joining the hug. Before I can react to that some other friends grab my attention and we get separated for a while. Eventually, the three of us meet a the bar again. "Girls' night was fun until it lasted!", Tara shouts, raising her glass for a toast. Darcy and I agree, joining in with our glasses and laughing. "Yes! Next time we stay at home! You guys can still crash on my couch!", I scream over the music. We try to talk, but the music is really loud at the bar so we decide to go dancing. And we dance, and drink, and dance, and drink, and dance until I really need a break. "I'm outside for a smoke!", I yell into Tara's ear, letting her know where I am going. On the way out I grab my jacket from the chair. 

Standing outside, taking another drag from my smoke I hear someone clicking their tongue behind me, but I don't bother turning around. "Y/N, Y/N, Y/N! Does your brother know you're smoking?" I automatically roll my eyes at that statement, but also involuntary smile. "Yeah! He does and he hates it!", I reply looking to my right where the redhead appears, lighting himself a cigarette. I laugh loudly. "Does Sarah know?" This time he rolls his eyes. "She nearly killed me!", he hisses. We both laugh, casually standing next to each other, smoking our cigarettes. Our laughter slowly falls silent. "How's your mom?", I ask softly, looking down at my feet. "She's fine, misses us being around... The usual.", a brief moment of silence before he continues, "How's your fam?" I shrug my shoulders "The usual, not happy, not miserable enough to change anything". I throw away my butt into an ashtray. The conversation is clearly over, but I insist on waiting for him. "I'll need another. It's way too crowded and loud inside!", he explains, holding out his pack, offering me another. "True! Thanks!", I say grabbing another smoke from his pack. We fall into lighter small talk while smoking, both avoiding heavy topics from the past. At some point, I start shifting from one leg to the other. Nick notices, "Are you cold?" I shake my head. I'm not, probably nervous, maybe just in the mood for dancing. He holds up the side of his coat I'm standing next to, offering me warm shelter underneath it. Why not? Is all I think before making sure my cigarettes won't burn a hole into any clothes and then snuggling next to him. Under his coat, it's cosy and warm. My upper arm bumps into his side and I feel his body heat burn through the fabric of both of our clothes. There it is, that little smirk again, barely there, but very cute. Together with his body heat comes a mixture of cold smoke, alcohol and a men's perfume, a smell hypnotizing me more than I expected it to. I look up at him and we both chuckle. 

[danddymaro]

Heartbeat |Higgs Monaghan x Reader

Fluff  / Sweetness

There’s one sure thing that puts him to sleep

Word count : 432

Heartbeat 

His right ear was pressed right to her naked chest, listening to her gentle beat while staying silent, focusing on nothing more than the soothing harmony that resonated beneath her breast. 

He couldn't sleep; He never could without difficulty, and it felt as though it had always been that way. He’d gotten so used to the sleepless nights, by then it just felt natural. 

For as long as he could remember, there hadn't been a moment where he could easily fall into slumber, even during his time as a porter. 

Even while dog tired and exhausted, he found it difficult to just rest.

His palm fell over her navel, before slowly tailing up, molding the curve of her other breast with tenderness before finding home there, his touch lasting as a smile graced him.

Her heartbeat reminded him that he had his special someone.

- Someone who yearned for him

-  Someone who waited for him day in and out, and always seemed ecstatic to find him back home.

He had someone who loved him without a single bit of doubt wedged between the gentle pulses, and he wondered if she ever found the same peace with him.

Did she feel the same safety and ease, or was it all just one sided?

Truthfully, he was convinced he needed her far more than she needed him, and he was certain she could tell by his insistent touches and desperate desire to be close.

During her sleep her hands moved, soon finding his head before resting there, lovingly holding him by gently cradling him in a nurturing manner that lulled him and silently pleading him to join her in the same resting state.

A little smile then took over him, and during then, he closed his glistening blue eyes, softly huffing out a little breath while hoping she wouldn't wake from the drops that had spilled on her (s/c) colored flesh.

There was a small ache in his chest, but he welcomed it, accepting it as more evidence of his joy, the man musing over the fact that before then, he’s never cried of joy. 

Before her, his tears were of nothing but sorrow and rage, all of which fed his torment.

With a soft smile, he breathed out her name, not wanting a response, not needing a single utter back, instead, simply focusing on the feel of her body, the enticing beat of her heart, and overall the presence of her and the love she provided him, all at once.

'What would I do without you?' He wondered before closing his eyes.

- See he’s not always a Jerk

[lethalchiralium]

halo eyes | Higgs Monaghan x F!Reader

a/n: I’M BACK! WITH SELF-INDULGENT FANFIC! IS IT GONNA BE A SERIES? WHO KNOWS!

warnings: MENTIONS OF PREGNANCY, KIDDOS. mentions of sexual themes if you squint, I don’t remember if there is cussing, SIMPING??? sadness? angst but fluff?

tag list: @barzalslittlebitch @writingawaymylife @saltyforthewin

As soon as Higgs entered your bunker, he knew something was wrong. He set down your cargo he brought from Middle Knot and slung off his gear before he called out, “Y/N?”

He started to worry when you didn’t answer, he pulled off his boots before he continued through the bunker that was covered in bookshelves full of books. He made sure not to knock over any of the stacks of colorful books as he made his way towards the locked door in the back of your workshop. As soon as he got close to it, the door unlocked and opened, allowing him access to your private residence.

“Y/N? Are you there?” Higgs called, worry made his hair on the back of his neck stand straight up. Maybe someone had got in and hurt you? He couldn’t stand the thought.

He rushed down the staircase, his lips about to shout your name when he saw you standing in the middle of your living room, eyes red and looking up at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“D-Did you bring my books?” Your balled fist wiped away tears from your eyes before you turned around, moving towards your small kitchen.

“Yeah, and your rations ‘n water...” He said, following you to your kitchen before he paused in the doorway. Maybe he was invading your space? You never minded before, you were his friend... right? “Y/N, are you alright?”

You turned around to him with tears running down your face, and you gently shook your head. He mumbled, “Oh, sweetheart,” and then raced forward to pull you into his chest. He had an inkling of why you were so torn up, and he knew you had been denied the one thing you really wanted more than anything.

A kid.

Your loud sobs were slightly muffled by Higgs’ Timefall-resistant suit, your arms wrapped around his neck as you trembled. He tore off his gloves and his left hand tangled in your hair as the other pressed against the small of your back. His cheek pressed against your temple as he felt your pain seep into his skin; you had always been open about wanting kids, but since you were definitely not getting out of your bunker anytime soon, you decided to adopt. Any kid, any little human who needed someone. He was always supportive every time he came into your library after delivering your packages to glance at your slowly growing collection of Egyptian books, and you always felt a piece of you fall a little bit more in love with him.

“It’s okay.” He whispered to you, but you couldn’t help but cry harder. How could he know what it felt like to want something to out live you? He never wanted kids because of what his dad did to him, he couldn’t understand why it wasn’t okay. The one thing you wanted more than anything was never going to happen and it might as well have killed you.

“No...No...” You whimpered but the sobs overpowered you again, your arms left his neck before they began to hit his chest out of pain, and he let you. He kept the steel grip on you, letting you get out the years of effort and stress you put into trying to adopt a kid. He’s known you for all of the years you’ve tried to make a family, this also chipped away at his own heart to see you like this. He hated seeing his best friend stripped away to a mess of tears and sobs.

“I-I‘ll never-ever have a kid, Higgs,” You shook with sobs and he then pressed you back into his chest, your hands gripped his suit tighter than a death grip. “I ca-can’t do anything right-“

“Y/N, doll,” He softly massaged your scalp, holding you as you tried to calm down.

“I-I don’t- I don’t have anyone who- who’d want to b-be with me or even want a kid too and I-“ You began to blubber as a whole new wave of sobs erupted from your lips, and that broke Higgs’ heart.

“Maybe,” He said, his lips uttered the words before his brain could even catch up, “Maybe I could help you get one.”

You hiccuped before you pulled away from him, a sniffle escaped your nose before you whispered, “Higgs, there aren’t any kids to adopt.”

His face flushed pink before he blubbered, “I mean- I mean we could make one.”

Your pupils dilated and you started to cry again, Higgs immediately felt like he made you feel upset but you placed your hands on his cheeks. Higgs honestly wished his memory was photographic so he could look at you biting your lip to hold back a smile for forever. “You’d- You’d do that... for me?”

He gave you a nod, his face becoming more red as the moment continued. “I-I mean, friends help each other right?”

“Oh Higgs,” you blubbered before the waterworks started again and you wrapped your arms around his neck again as you buried your face in his chest again. “Y-You don’t need to lie t-to me to make me fe-feel better...”

Higgs held you tighter, trying to comfort you as he spoke with assurance, “I mean it, Y/N.”

Your head moved away from his chest as you looked up at him once again, trying to look at your best friend’s eyes to find any hint of hesitance. “Higgs...” You hiccuped, one hand moved to his cheek and his face began to heat up again. “Y-You don’t have to do this for me... I-I can get over it...” You trailed off and looked down at the floor, but his hand forced you to look up at him with such a gentleness that made you want to place your lips on his. “I-I mean it, I-I-I can get- This- If we did this, it cou-could ruin our friendship-“

“Shut up.” Higgs said and you immediately did, he softly said, “You are my best friend. I will do this for you.”

You then whispered, “Wh-What about what happened to-to you as a kid?”

Higgs’ features hardened a little but still remained soft, “Well, from what I’ve learned, you’re the only person on Earth who deserves a kid.”

If you weren’t crying before, that statement would’ve made you burst into tears but you kept crying as you smiled at him, hugging him tightly. “T-Thank you, Higgs.”

He rubbed your back softly, and spoke, “If you don’t want me in their life, that’s okay with me.”

“You-You won’t be bothered that your offspring would be-be running around?” You sniffled into his suit and he shook his head.

“They’d be raised by you, I wouldn’t be worried at all.”

If you weren’t in love with him before, that would’ve made you blush so hard that you’d faint, but you were damn close to fainting. You looked back up into his blue eyes, “You...You would help me? Yo-You’re not joking, are you?”

He gave you a heart-melting smile as he said, “I will help you make a baby.”

A smile tugged at you lips. “Say it again.”

“I, Higgs Monaghan, will help you, Y/N L/N, make a baby.”

Your tears of sadness then turned into tears of joy as you then hugged him again, saying, “Thank you, Higgs.”

A kiss was placed to the top of your head, and he spoke with a softness that made you melt like chocolate. “I don’t have any more orders to deliver, when do you... wanna get started?”

———

Copyright © 2020 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.

[nojiko444]

Higgs x Reader? Higgs x Reader!

Okay so... a little while ago I asked what I should draw and well...... The results were clear xD You guys wanted some Higgs x Reader stuff, especially smut so you’ll get some! More under the cut. Be warned. 

I can’t post this here, so I’ll just leave a link to my “super secret” Twitter account xD  https://twitter.com/innojicent/status/1355298624104751107

[savage-rhi]

Person A: “was this all just a joke to you?”, Person B: “can we start over?” Reader/Higgs?

Angsty shit coming right up :D!

Y/N took in a deep breath before venturing into the terminal. It felt like forever since they had last seen Higgs. So much anxiety was pent up in their gut that Y/N debated about turning tail and forgetting the whole meeting. Before they could get out of dodge though, the door leading down into the bunker opened up and there he was. 

Higgs looked different. His hair had been groomed, facial hair trimmed, and he was wearing attire that had nothing to do with Homo Demens. A glare graced his features, eyes boring into Y/N as they swallowed and offered a small wave. He barely returned the gesture, holding up a couple fingers while crossing his arms. 

“Thank you for talking to me.” Y/N started as Higgs let out a sigh. They could tell this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. 

“Don’t mention it. Come in.” Higgs begrudgingly as he moved out of the way and allowed Y/N into his dwelling. 

As Y/N ventured into the bunker, they were surprised at how clean the place was. The last time Higgs had invited them down there, the bunker was ransacked with pizza boxes, discarded books, tons of notes and red yarn, graffiti from one of Higgs’s DOOMs experiences. How it looked now was a far cry compared to what it once was, as if someone different had moved in. 

“I like what you’ve done with the place.” Y/N said sincerely as Higgs let out a breath, brushing past them as he took a seat in a new chair he had acquired. 

“You know, I’m not in the mood for small talk. Let’s cut to the chase.” Higgs said firmly. Y/N decided to stand until Higgs said otherwise, letting him have the ball in his court since this was his home. 

Higgs took a moment to get his anger in check while he gestured with his head for Y/N to have a seat wherever they’d like. Y/N knew him well enough to understand his mannerisms. Almost too well for their own good. 

Once situated, Higgs rubbed his chin in thought while observing Y/N. There was a look of hurt and hesitation on his face as he addressed them. 

“You have some nerve wanting to come see me after what you did.” Higgs started as Y/N’s eyes went right to his. His tone was callous, something that Y/N had been afraid of but understood it was well deserved on their end. 

“I know, and I appreciate you giving me the chance to explain myself.” Y/N said honestly as Higgs gave a slight roll with his eyes, fingers carding through his hair as he made himself more comfortable in the chair. 

“Then spit it out.” Higgs said with a gesture of his hand as Y/N gathered their thoughts, running over the words in their head before finally speaking up. 

“Months ago, when I found you stranded in the middle of the city ruins, you were an anomaly. Actually, you were quite the asshole if I had to be honest. There was no intention on my part to take care of and nurse you to health, especially knowing who you were. Over time as I tended to you, your intellect and charisma got to me and then--I fell for you,” Y/N paused and saw that Higgs visibly tensed up upon them saying that. A shudder went up Y/N’s spine as they pressed forward. 

“Trying to turn you in to the UCA, was one of the stupidest mistakes I’ve ever made. Especially when I noticed that you were trying so damn hard to repent for all the crap you did while running with Homo Demens.”

“Why did you do it?” Higgs interrupted, brows furrowing as a morose presence overtook his features. In the lighting, Y/N could see his eyes were watering up. 

“Y’know I can understand a lot of things, but this one--I can’t wrap my mind around. Why did you fuck me over like that?” 

“Higgs, you murdered my entire family in Central Knot. When I found out it was you, and not just Homo Demens that did it, I was angry. I wanted revenge and that’s why I outed you. I thought I could hate you but--I’ve come to find out that I can’t. No matter what terrible shit you did, you got under my skin.” Y/N said, looking up at him. There was deep regret in their eyes as their bottom lip trembled, trying to keep their composure and not allowing his fierce gaze to break them.

“Higgs, you’re the only family I have left now. I lost everything when you took the city, and I’m here to tell you now, that I can’t afford to lose you too.” 

Higgs started to chuckle, causing Y/N’s brows to furrow into a slight glare, feeling as if he were mocking them. 

“Was this all a joke to you?” Higgs asked, gesturing between the two of them as Y/N firmly shook their head. 

“Higgs, it wasn’t. What we formed, it was real. I should have talked to you but instead, I tried to throw you under a bus.”

“And almost got me killed.” Higgs said as a matter of fact while Y/N nodded. There was no sugar coating that bit of information. It was the cold truth. 

“And for all of this, I’m sorry. I know apologizing can’t make it up in full, but I’m asking--no, pleading--can we start over?” Y/N asked, determination in their voice. They knew it was stupid to get their hopes up, knowing Higgs had a hard time trusting anybody, to begin with. Higgs had let his walls down with Y/N so much that they could see the pain in his eyes as he contemplated and debated with himself on the matter. The bunker was filled with a silence that felt like death had come and stolen their breaths. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, Higgs got up from his chair and approached Y/N. They could feel themselves becoming smaller as his body drew close. He looked so enraged that Y/N thought he might drag them out of the bunker and toss them out. Y/N bowed their head as their heart sank, waiting for the inevitable. A sharp gasp escaped their mouth as Higgs had grabbed a hold of them and pulled their body into an embrace. 

After a moment of clarity, realizing Higgs was hugging them, Y/N started to tear up as they returned the affection. Arms lacing around his waist as Higgs buried his face into the crook of their neck and sighed. He didn’t have the strength to let the words come out but hoped that this would be enough to let Y/N know that he forgave them. Higgs could only hope Y/N would forgive him too for what he had done to their family. 

**A link to my ko-fi account. If you enjoy my content and want to support me getting my monthly medication for fibromyalgia and arthritis, I would be eternally grateful. It is NOT a requirement however! All my work is free to read!**

[angel-ixily]

Beating Hearts

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Female!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Fandom: Heartstopper

Warnings: Mentions of B*n H*pe and H*rry Gr*en. But other then that it's completely friendly, cute, innocent, and fluffy.

Summary: Nick Nelson comes to you with a very serious question which escaltes into further conversation and romance.

POV: First Person

“Y/N, are you gay?”

I lifted my eyebrows in confusion, peering my head from behind my locker to look in the eyes of the Rugby star, Nick Nelson. My heart began beating so fast I swear I was having a heart attack.

I hadn't thought I was going to see Nick Nelson out of everyone on a Wednesday afternoon, but maybe today wasn't going to be as boring as I had originally thought.

“Am I what?” I asked. I stared at him, my lips slightly open and my face lifting into a mix of confusion and shock. I didn’t think I had heard him correctly.

Nick's face flushed and his cheeks shown with a light blush on them before he repeated the question. “Are you gay?”

I looked back into my locker which had been decorated with photos of my friends and I. Tara and Darcy’s photos just happily gazing back at me.

Thinking of Tara and Darcy made me think about our school, Higgs. Thinking of Higgs made me wonder as to how the hell Nick Nelson got into the school mid-day.

“Okay I’ll answer your question but first you have to answer mine.” I ordered him. He opened his lips but nothing came out. I lifted an eyebrow and he just nodded.

“I… okay shoot.” He said. I looked around to check if anyone was in the hallway. I closed my locker and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the corner behind the stairwell. He looked confused.

“How in the hell did you get into Higgs without a teacher seeing you? Mrs. Strasser has the eyes of an eagle! How did you not get caught?” I asked him in a hushed tone, pulling him closer so he was completely out of sight from any teacher or student.

“I just walked in. I needed to talk to you and we’re on our lunch hour so I just wanted to ask. I didn’t know we had separate lunches and I just thought you’d be at lunch too.” He said quickly. I nodded and looked up at the stairwell, hoping nobody would decide at this moment to come down. It would also be awkward for someone to come down and see me talking to Nick Nelson. A boy. Under the stairwell. That would be suspicious. “But don’t worry! Nobody saw me. At least, I don’t think anybody did.” He excused. I looked from the stairway and into his eyes. His resting face looked as if he were concerned or even pouting.

A smile threatened my lips.

“Not to be weird, but has anyone told you that you look like a Golden Retriever?” I asked. His eyes widened and a small smile appeared on his face.

“Yes, Y/N. You tell me every day.” He said as he scoffed in amusement. “And I know you meant to be totally weird.” He put his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet around a little bit. With how popular he was at Truham and at Higgs, I thought it was funny how awkward he could be.

“Oh for sure. Totally. I really wonder how you saw through that, Nelson. I wanted to make you as uncomfortable as possible. Yeah.” I agreed with him sarcastically. He nodded anxiously.

We stood in an awkward silence for a moment before he spoke. “You uh… never answered my question.” He muttered out. I looked up at him innocently.

“I’m sorry, what was your question?” I asked him. I remembered what his question was. And I knew the answer.

“Uh…” he looked around as if someone would mysteriously appear out of nowhere. He leaned down closer to me. “Are you… are you gay?” He asked me quietly. I pressed my lips into a thin line. I tore my gaze away from his and looked towards the left.

“Is Harry making you ask this question? Did Harry or even Ben put you up to this to find some massive tea on me? Harry and I dated forever ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. Tell him to leave me al-”

Nick put his hands up in defense. “No! No. Harry doesn’t even know I’m here. This is just me asking. I’m really curious. I have a good friend who’s gay and I just want to know some things about it.” He quickly said. I smiled. This was such a Nicholas Nelson thing to do.

“Uh huh… okay… and are you interested in said friend?” I asked. His eyes widened and his face fell. I could tell he was trying to hide it, but I saw a small blush creeping its way across his cheeks. He didn’t answer the question. A smile spread on my face.

“Oh, you are!” I loudly whispered. He shushed me. I kept a smile on my face, though my beating heart began hurting. A nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach started forming but I just ignored it. What did it matter anyways?

“I don’t know if I am… okay? I really don’t know. I just met him and I thought he was cute and we’ve been hanging out a lot but I don’t know.” He paused for a moment, running a hand through his hair. He seemed to be in distress, and it made me sad to see how confused he was. I wished I could give him an answer, however, I knew this was something he had to figure out on his own. Of course I’d be around to help, though. He began speaking again. “But to be honest with you, I also like this girl and I’m just really really confused and scared as to everything.” He blurted. I bit my lip, nodding my head slowly.

“That’s really something. And I thought today was going to be boring,” I smirked and began walking to my locker. When I had gotten there I had seen that Nick had followed me.

“You are a Golden Retriever! But I’m gonna put the rest of my stuff in my locker. I have Maths this period so it’s going to be depressing anyway.” I informed him, beginning to put my Calculus book in my locker.

“I… I’m sorry? What?” He asked. He looked even more confused than before. I felt really bad.

“Oh sorry. We’re going to sneak out of the school and go somewhere quieter so we can talk about this in an easier setting. I don’t want you getting overwhelmed.” I explained further. The smile on his face was the most relieved I had ever seen him. I hoped he wasn’t expecting me to be mad or upset about his confusion on sexuality.

I grabbed my jacket and together we began walking out the glass doors at the end of the corridor. We were careful to not let anyone see us leaving the premises at all. Once we were far away enough, we began to walk at a more relaxed pace.

"So when did you start questioning?" I asked him. I made sure not to include 'sexuality' in there just in case he was uncomfortable with me saying that in public.

He looked down at me, his lips pursed. "I guess it's been recently. We hung out at his house, and I felt something just...sparking, you know?" He explained. I thought for a moment and shook my head. He scoffed.

"I forgot that you were a sociopath." He joked. I smiled. Last year when he and I had met, Harry had began telling everyone that I was a sociopath just because I had broken up with him when we were 13. We only dated 2 months.

"How do you forget such crucial information about me, Nelson? Like geez!" We both laughed. I always liked how I could joke around with Nick without feeling like I was being rude. He was so easy and took most things with a grain of salt. I guess that's why it stung a little when he told me that he liked a guy. That reminded me of another question.

"So Nick, what about this guy? You like 2 people, tell me about this one. How long have you liked him?" I asked him politely. Another blush creeped onto his face. Or maybe he had just had a permanent blush. His cheeks were always rosy, and it was something I admired about him. It made him look even more innocent than he was.

"Um..I...He's... Well..." I watched in amusement as he tried to explain the guy. However, the pain in my heart came back. I took a breath, wishing it away. It didn't.

"Take your time Nick. You don't have to explain it to me if you don't want to." I added.

"No I want to." He blurted loudly. My eyes widened a little bit but I just waved it off.

"He's...cute and he's funny. He's also, and not to misgender him, pretty. Being with him is so fun and he warms my heart a lot. He makes me feel like I matter. But at the same time..." He didn't finish his sentence. He just left it for me to interpret but thank GOD I'm a dumbass and I can't understand anything for open interpretation.

“At the same time… what?” I asked him. I could see his breath hitch. He glanced down at me before he looked to his feet.

“At the same time… there’s that girl… I’ve liked her for a long time, now. That’s why it confused me when I felt this way towards this boy. She’s beautiful and really kind. She always puts my feelings before hers, even if she jokes around with me a lot. She never takes my feelings with a grain of salt, but she takes them into consideration. She’s so cool.” He looked as if he was going to say more but he didn’t.

The pain returned and got caught into my throat, which was now dry. I tried pushing down the lump. I wish I brought water with me. It was quiet for a moment but not on purpose. It was just me trying to be able to speak without sounding stupid. Finally I had the strength to ask another question.

“So do I know her?” I asked him. He seemed lost in thought for a moment.

“I mean..." He paused another moment before he decided his true answer. His eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, you do." He declared. I blinked in confusion, and bit my lip again.

It couldn't be Tara? Right?

I almost felt bad for the boy. He didn't know that Tara was in a relationship with Darcy. Barely anybody had known. Hell, I had only found out because Darcy was showing me a funny photo, laughed too hard at it, and accidentally swiped left to show a photo of her and Tara kissing. What a great thing to have in your camera roll right next to a funny picture.

"You don't mean Tara, right?” I asked him. I was asking a lot of questions today. We stopped walking at a crosswalk. I pressed a button on the side of the road. We waited for the signal to go.

"Tara and I kissed once when we were 13. That doesn't mean that I'm forever inevitably in love with her. Besides, the crush I had on her subsided a long, long time ago" He disclosed. I inhaled a breath, wondering who else he had known from Higgs. Despite his popularity, he didn't talk to many girls. At all. Nick Nelson's love life didn't seem to exist until now.

I knew he was friends with Imogen, who was pretty friendly. She and I got along pretty well. We were really good friends. She also had the biggest crush on Nick which she made very clear to many people. I'm glad she never found out about my crush on him.

The signal on the opposing street turned green and we began to walk.

I'd like to add. MINOR crush on Nicholas Nelson. MINOR. Nothing bigger than that. After Harry and I dated when we were 13, I decided that boys weren't worth my time. Until I met Nick...that was..

Thinking of Nick, he broke me out my thoughts.

"And before you say anything about Imogen, no I don't like her. We're good friends but that's all that it's ever going to be. She's a wonderful girl, but not my type of girl." My heart turned to some relief and the lump in my throat was gone.

"Or guy." I added, smirking at him. He looked down at me, a blush and a big smile on his face.

"Oh, shut up!" He scolded.

"Hey, I'm just stating the obvious," I put my hands up in defense, giggling. He chuckled at my gesture. I put my hands down. "Speaking of obvious. I have made up my diagnosis for you." I announced in a fancy way. He looked down at me, a small smile on his face.

"Oh yeah? And what's your diagnosis, doctor?" he asked. His brown eyes looked warm and kind. Most brown eyes were intense and earthy. His reminded me of sitting by the fireplace with a nice cup of coffee or tea on an Autumn Day, snuggled in a blanket. They reminded me of the sun too, for some reason. Especially when he smiled.

It felt like time was slowing as we stared at each other. His pupils were dilated. He faced me completely as if I were the only important thing in the world at this point.

I guess that's when I knew who his girl crush was. My face fell slightly, and I looked away, blushing. Never in my life had I thought that Nicholas Nelson would like me in any sort of way other than platonically.

"I uh... you're...you..." I stuttered for a bit and his smile grew larger. I ignored it for a moment, trying to rid of my blush. I took a few breaths. Once I had gained my confidence back, I stared at him.

"How dare you scoff at me while I'm trying to give you the knowledge that you desire oh so much. Very rude, sir." I sassed. He nodded respectfully.

"Well, I'm sooo sorry for disrupting your stuttering diagnosis. Go on, please. Be my guest!" He sarcastically apologized. I smiled kindly and nodded.

Now that I think about it. I nod a lot.

"And maybe I will go on." I cleared my throat dramatically. "I diagnose you with Bisexuality." Nick hummed. He made a tsking sound and then spoke.

"I knew that's what you'd say. I did some research last night.” He began rubbing his neck. “I may have took a few quizzes as well, but I just...I wanted to know if it was obvious that I was or not." He looked at his shoes. He didn't look disappointed or upset about it. He just looked really lost in thought. The confusion radiated off of him.

My face fell and I placed a hand on his shoulder, he stopped walking and faced me, still looking at the ground. "Hey, I promise it's okay. Figuring this stuff out is really confusing and tiring. It gives you a lost and weird feeling like you don't know who you are. It's not a bad thing to question your sexuality, though. If anything, I think it's completely healthy. And at the end of the day, you're Nick Nelson. And if one day you decide you don't want to be Nick Nelson anymore, that's okay too. And if nobody else is, I'll be here with you every step of the way. I swear I will be." It took him a moment, but he looked down at me with tears in his eyes. Just the sight of that made me want to cry.

"Oh Nick..." I mumbled. I pulled him into a hug. He just hugged back, silently sobbing into my shoulder. We stood on the side of the sidewalk for a while, him crying and me comforting him.

He was the one who pulled away first. His eyes were puffy and red, his lip slightly quivering. The rose color of his cheeks had spread across his face. I frowned. Seeing Nick sad was like seeing the world end.

It hurt me on a level you may or may not know.

He just stared at me for a moment, as if he was taking me in. That, or he was silently thanking me. It could have been both, though. Like I said before, I was a dumbass.

Just as Nick was going to speak, it began raining. He closed his eyes, pressing his lips into a straight line. He made another tsk sound.

He didn't speak but grabbed my hand and led me down the sidewalk a little ways more. We came to an alley, and he led me in. I hoped this entire thing wasn't just a plan to lure me into an alley for Harry to be there.

Nick would never do that, though. And he didn't do that. I was just overthinking.

He stopped near the middle of the alleyway where a long plastic black sheet was covering the top. We stared at each other a moment longer, and as if we were on perfect sync, we both laughed.

"I really have to start checking the weather." He admitted. I nodded, continuing to laugh. I looked down and saw our hands still conjoined. Nick had noticed too, but just tightened the grip. He stepped forward, closing a little more of the gap between us. He grabbed my other hand.

"I know this is really weird and completely out of nowhere. And I know I've just cried to you about my feelings...but I've been meaning to tell you something for a really long time." He started. My heart began to beat extremely fast. From the look in his eyes, he didn't know where to start. He let out an amused scoff and began to speak his truth.

"When you began dating Harry, I knew you were too good for him. I didn't really know you at that time, but people had told me how nice and kind you were. I have this very small memory of you crying about a worm that Harry had stepped on on purpose. I think that's why you broke up with him. He's always been an asshole. And he was always an asshole to you. He didn't deserve you. And the more time I spent with you, I realized that I didn't deserve you. You're amazing in every way. You're caring, wise, smart, empathetic. And you're really cool. Way too cool for me. But despite that coolness that overwhelms you, I could never shake my feelings for you. I still can't. Y/N you're that girl. You've always been that girl. And if you don't reciprocate my feelings because of your ultimate coolness, I understand. But if you do, I'll....I don't know, but I'll do something. But I promise I won't step on a worm." He stopped talking, inhaling many deep and long breaths. He hadn't breathed that entire time he told me about how he felt. My head couldn't wrap around the thought that Nick Nelson had liked me. I mean...I knew about it, but I hadn’t though about how 10 minutes after I found out, he’d pour his heart out to me.

His heart was pounding. I could make that very clear from the way his chest was moving up and down. His face fell. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have-"

I pressed my lips to his. I don't regret it...but after doing it, I wanted that to be put on a 'Y/N's -4,000,000 IQ moments. (Cringe compilation) (ULTIMATE cringe) (NOT Clickbait)’ YouTube videos.

He kissed me back. He wasn't forceful or harsh. He was gentle and soft. He let go of my hands and wrapped them around my back, pulling me slightly closer. My hands went to cup his face.

No matter how much I didn't want to, I pulled away. My face was still very close to his, our noses barely touching. "Nick Nelson...I'm about to make so many women angry. But in every way possible, I reciprocate your feelings. In every single way. You're sweet and kind and gentle and you're," I paused for a moment. "...The only way to describe you is Nick Nelson because there are no words in the dictionary to describe such a beautiful person as you. You're inexplainable and that's just who you are. Of course, I like you. No matter the sexuality, the gender, the personality. I like Nick Nelson." I muttered loud enough for him to hear. He smiled softly and without saying anything, he pressed his lips onto mine again. My hands fell to his neck.

When he pulled away, the smile that was on his lips was so wide, I could feel my heart pounding harder against my chest. "You never answered my question." He mentioned. I looked down and chuckled. I looked back up to him after a second.

"Do I have to answer it?" I asked him. He kissed my forehead.

"No. You don't."

[michwritesstuff]

You’re Not So Bad (Harry Potter: Adrian Pucey)

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG! never finished this the way i wanted to so i cut a bit out and kept it at this, might have another part but i’m not sure yet! hope you guys like it :)

summary: hufflepuff female reader (she/her) x adrian pucey He was a Slytherin. She was a muggle born Hufflepuff. What more can I say? (get it? like sk8r boi?) anyways…Y/N is a proud and talented member of the Hufflepuff quidditch team. After one too many coincident encounters with Slytherin’s Adrian Pucey, she realizes that maybe she was wrong in her initial judgement of him and his housemates. notes/warnings: mentions of blood word count: 1.9 k

Another year at Hogwarts meant another year of getting to take the Hogwarts Express. As a muggle born you never failed to be excited by the enchanting nature of the Wizarding World. If your parents weren’t too busy with work, they would have been dropping you off themselves. Much like you, your parents loved everything about the Wizarding World and cherished the times when you needed to go to Diagon Alley.

You thanked the cab driver as he pulled up outside of King’s Cross Station and walked to the back of the car, dragging your trunk out. As you continued along through the station, you walked at a steady pace until you had reached platform 9 ¾. As nonchalantly as possible you glanced from side to side before walking directly through the platform wall. The Hogwarts Express came into view, steam whistling from the front as families lined the platform. You pushed your way through, trying your best to avoid bumping into anyone. Finally, Cedric and his dad came into view.

“Hey Y/N!” he called out when he saw you.

“Hi Ced, how have you been?” you asked, pulling him into a hug.

“Good, you know...taking care of this old man,” he laughed as he patted his dad on the back.

You laughed along before turning to pull Cedric’s dad into a hug.

“Y/N my girl, how are you? How are your parents?” he asked.

“They’re doing good, wish they could be here of course,” you smiled.

“Well, I’ll be sure to send them some stuff from our garden and let them know I saw you and Ced off, how about that,” Amos stated.

You smiled at him warmly before thanking him one last time.

Grabbing your trunk you followed Cedric through the train, quickly glancing around the carriages in hope of finding an empty one or finding the rest of your friends. You stumbled along behind him, a carriage door sliding open as the two of you passed.

“Diggory,” a voice called out.

You and Cedric snapped your heads around, trying to place who had spoken. None other than Marcus Flint stepped out of the carriage. You glanced inside and saw two other Slytherin quidditch players who you recognized to be Adrian Pucey and Terrence Higgs whispering among themselves.

“Suppose your ready to lose to us again this year?” Flint taunted.

“Suppose your ready for me to fly circles around you again this year?” you replied, a smirk growing across your face as Flint’s smug look was replaced by a look of disdain.

You could hear Pucey and Higgs’ giggles increase at your statement. They knew it was true. The Slytherin team was strong and known for their unfair play, but Y/N Y/L/N was one of the best flyers at Hogwarts.

“You wish Y/L/N! Gonna wipe the pitch with you mudblood,” he threatened.

Your eyes widened at the ghastly use of such a word, your eyes quickly scanning Flint and the people behind him. Pucey and Higgs’ giggles long gone. Higgs quietly looked down at the floor of the compartment, trying his hardest not to make eye contact. Pucey however, stared right back at you. His eyes held something you couldn’t quite place, sadness? No, why would he be sad, he probably just pitied you.

Cedric’s hand found your shoulder and hurried you along the corridor of the train. Finding the carriage with the rest of your friends, Cedric ushered you in. As he retold the story bout the encounter with Flint they all gasped and looked offended and disgusted by Flint’s behavior.

“He’s an asshole, we knew this already,” you stated.

“I’m fine guys, promise,” you smiled weakly.

Truth was, you were fine. Flint’s aimless name calling didn’t concern you. You were proud of who you were and who your parents were, it didn’t matter. You were going to wipe the pitch with him this season AND continue to fly circles around him. The biggest thing on your mind had nothing to do with Flint, you were too concerned with Pucey. You couldn’t erase the look on his face from your memory.

That night all previous conversation about Flint had subsided as it was replaced by conversations about the summer break and upcoming term. From laughing and joking about the first years waiting to be sorted to complaining about having Herbology with the Slytherins.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Classes were finally in full swing and the first quidditch game of the season was approaching this weekend. Unfortunately, you felt unprepared for both. Practices had been long and gruesome, and they left you with little free time for studying and getting work done. This meant hours spent in the library and sneaking into the kitchens where the house elves offered you coffee and various pastries to help you get through the long nights.

So here you were, sitting at a table with books open and sprawled out. Unused rolls of parchment lined up next to your spare quill and bottle of ink. You worked absentmindedly scrawling as much as you could about the effects of fresh mandrake juice on petrification. Ever since the incident with the Chamber of Secrets being reopened, Professor Sprout thought it useful understand the importance of utilizing the magical properties of specific plants, rather than just how to care for them. Rereading the same line for what felt like the hundredth time, your attention was interrupted by an unexpected voice.

“Room for one more?”

You looked up to find none other than Adrian Pucey to be the source of the voice, book bag hanging off his shoulder. He motioned to the seat across from you.

“Uhm, yeah let me just…” you trailed off as you attempted to gather and organize all your materials to your side of the table. Pucey lightly chuckled at your frazzled state. Sitting down and pulling his own parchment and books out, his eyes glanced over your materials.

“Working on the Herbology essay?” he asked, his eyes focused on his own parchment.

“Yeah, though I don’t know how much more I can possibly write, you?” you replied.

“Nah, I finished that the other day. My muggle studies essay on the other hand…” You glanced up to meet Adrian’s eyes at his statement, giving him a look that meant to explain.

“Mum loves plants, grew up with those bloody curlers’ and books about them,” he stated, referencing the mandrakes. You laughed at his comment, they were truly dreadful to work with.

“What’s your muggle studies essay about?” you asked curiously, eyes scanning to the top of his parchment which read Muggle Transportation.

“Have to write the about the importance of public transportation in muggle communities. Not really sure what to include, I wasn’t really paying attention these last few lessons.” You once again giggled at his explanation.

“Well then…if you help me with this herbology essay than I’ll help you with yours. Not sure if you know this, but I’m quite the muggle expert,” you mused.

“Deal,” Adrian replied, a warm smile growing on his face.

The two of you spent the next hour working on your essays and making small talk, just getting to know each other.

“Ughh I don’t think I can ever write another essay again,” you exclaimed dramatically, throwing your quill across the table in the process.

Adrian laughed as he watched you pack all your things. While you gave him some background information and personal experiences about public transportation in your own community, he didn’t write much.

You continued packing until everything had found it’s place in your book bag. You stood up placing your bag on your back.

“You coming?” you asked.

Adrian looked up, eyes meeting yours. He was clearly confused as to what you meant, and to be honest, you weren’t entirely sure why you were inviting him to your secret place. There was something about Adrian, he was kind, welcoming, exciting, and most of all he felt familiar. He was easy to get along with, and from the small amount of conversation you had with him already, he was funny.

He packed his book bag and followed you out into the corridor.

“Where are you taking me Y/L/N?”

“It’s a secret, now keep up Pucey.”

He continued to follow you down a staircase and through a corridor. When you had finally reached the entrance of the kitchen you urged Adrian forward. He stared at you blankly, confused as ever. You took a step forward, now standing shoulder to shoulder with him. Reaching your hand up you tickled the pear in the middle of the portrait. The portrait swung open and revealed a warmly lit large kitchen with pots and pans draping the ceiling.

“Wow,” Adrian breathed out.

The two of you were immediately with welcoming and friendly house elves singing a chorus of “Welcome back Ms. Y/L/N” and “So good to see you Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Welcome to the Hogwarts kitchen Pucey,” you stated.

You thanked Winky as she handed you a warm mug of pumpkin juice and a chocolate chip muffin. Setting your stuff on the counter, you did your best to split the muffin into two equal halves. You handed a half to Adrian who greeted you with a warm smile of thanks.

“This is incredible Y/N,” Adrian mumbled out, his mouth still full with his half of the muffin.

With a wide-eyed gaze Adrian moved through the kitchen like a kid in the candy store, or similar to you at Honeydukes on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade.

“It’s pretty great. I come here during late night study sessions, if I’ve had a shitty day and I’m and feeling stressed, or if I’m just absolutely craving something when I’m in my dorm. The Hufflepuff common room is just around the corner,” you explained.

“And tonight?” Adrian asked.

“Late night study session…and stressed,” you answered chuckling before trailing off at the end.

“About what?” he asked.

“Well school for starters, and this upcoming quidditch match against Gryffindor. I mean we have a strong team and have worked hard at all are practices, but their seeker…I mean Harry is amazing. And I…I need to play phenomenally.”

“Y/N, you’re one of the most amazing flyers I know. The entire school knows this. You truly do fly circles around everyone, not just Flint,” he laughed, his tone reassuring and positive.

You recounted on the day you had first really noticed Adrian Pucey. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of your fondest memories of Hogwarts. Your parents were too busy with work to see you off and Flint had called you a mudblood. You were distracted from your thoughts when you heard Adrian’s voice.

“I’m sorry about that Y/N,” he stated rather shamefully

“You know, about that day on the train…” he continued.

“Oh uhm yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s not like you said anything. Besides, I know Flint’s just insecure about being outflown by a girl.” Adrian laughed at your statement.

“True…but still, you didn’t deserve that. That term is outdated and inappropriate, and it shouldn’t matter how you got here. You deserve to be here,” he finished.

You smiled widely at him, surprised and touched by his genuineness. Looking at the clock you realized that it was getting late, and with a mandatory team practice before breakfast, you could use all the sleep you could get.

“Uhm I should—I should get going. It’s getting late,” you stated.

“Uh yeah, thanks Y/N, you know…for showing me your secret spot.”

“Anytime Pucey.”

You followed Adrian back out of the portrait, giggling to yourself as he tripped over his own feet trying to do a cool spin. He stumbled a bit before shaking his head in embarrassment, his own laugh roaring from his chest.

“Bloody hell…I’ll catch you later Y/L/N”

“Yeah, later…” you smiled to yourself. You don’t know what it was about him, but Adrian Pucey continued to have an unexplainable effect on you.

a/n: If you like my work please support by liking/reblogging. Also, feel free to message me about ideas. I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have a lot of time, but when inspiration hits i’ll sit down for hours

Masterlist

[elliebean714]

☆What I write☆~

I write character x character, character x oc and character x reader.

♡Romantic♡, ◇Platonic◇, whatever.

Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Yandere, Poly Relationships, Character Reactions, Character Diary Entries, Light Nsfw, My Oc's, Female, Gender Neutral And Male Readers/Characters/Oc's

♡Gay♡ and ☆Not Gay☆

Headcanons, fics, one-shots, maybe Au's....

Fandoms I write for. (It's all games. I'm not sorry.)

Until Dawn~

Josh Washington

Chris Hartley

Ashley Brown

Sam Giddings

Mike Munroe

Jess Riley

Emily Davis

Matt Taylor

Beth Washington

Hannah Washington

The Quarry~

Jacob Custos

Emma Mountebank

Nick Furcillo

Abigail Blyg

Max Brinly

Laura Kearney

Kaitlyn Ka

Dylan Lenivy

Ryan Erzhalher

Travis Hackett

Chris Hackett

Bobby Hackett

Life is Strange~

Season 1~

Max Caulfield

Chloe Price

Warren Graham

Nathan Prescott

Victoria Chase

Kate Marsh

Mark Jefferson

Before The Storm~

Chloe Price

Rachel Amber

Steph Gingrich

Nathan Prescott

Samantha Myers

Season 2~

Sean Diaz

Daniel Diaz

Cassidy

Finn

True colours~

Alex Chen

Steph Gingrich

Ryan Lucan

Gabe Chen

Charlotte Harmon

Jason Pike

Five Nights at Freddy's~

FNaF 1 ~

Bonnie

Freddy

Chica

Foxy

Golden Freddy

FNaF 2~

Toy Bonnie

Toy Freddy

Toy Chica

Marionette

Mangle

Withered Bonnie

Withered Freddy

Withered Chica

Withered Foxy

FNaF 3~

Springtrap

FNaF Sister Location~

Circus Baby

Ballora

Funtime Freddy/Bon Bon

Funtime Foxy

Ennerd

Lolbit

FNaF Pizzeria Simulator~

Lefty

FNaF Security Breach~

Gregory

Glamrock Freddy

Montgomery Gator

Glamrock Chica

Roxanne Wolf

Sundrop

Moondrop

Vanny

Vannessa

Misc.~

William Afton

Michael Afton

Henry Emily

Note~ Unless specifically requested otherwise all animatronics will not have the children's souls inside them, if you want the soul inside the animatronic it will automatically be platonic (Springtrap is the exception)♡

Bioshock~

Bioshock 1~

Jack Wynand

Atlas

Frank Fontaine

Bridget Tenenbaum

The Little Sisters

The Big Daddies

Bioshock 2~

Subject Delta

Augustus Sinclair

Eleanor Lamb

Sophia Lamb

Grace Holloway

Stanley Poole

Gil Alexander

Mark Meltzer

The Big Sisters

Bioshock Infinite~

Elizabeth Comstalk

Booker DeWitt

Songbird

The Walking Dead: Telltale~

Season 1~

Lee Everett

Clementine

Kenny

Lily

Carley

Doug

Mark

Ben Paul

Christa

Omid

Season 2~

Clementine

Luke

Nick

Sarah

Kenny

Season 3~

Javi Garcia

Kate Garcia

Gabe Garcia

Clementine

Tripp

Jesus

Season 4~

Clementine

Violet

Louis

Mitch

AJ

Tenn

James

Lily

Minerva

Detroit: Become Human~

Connor

Hank

Kara

Alice

Luther

Ralph

Marcus

North

Simon

Josh

The Last Of Us~

Part 1~

Ellie

Joel

Tommy

Henry

Sam

Marlene

Riley

Part 2~

Ellie

Joel

Dina

Jesse

Tommy

Abby

Owen

Lev

Yara

Uncharted~

Drake's Fortune~

Nathan Drake

Elena Fisher

Among Thieves~

Nathan Drake

Elena Fisher

Chloe Frazer

Harry Flynn

Drake's Deception~

Nathan Drake

Elena Fisher

Chloe Frazer

Talbot

A Thieves End~

Nathan Drake

Elena Fisher

Sam Drake

Rafe Adler

Nadine Ross

Death Stranding~

Sam Porter Bridges

Higgs Monaghan

Fragile

Amelie Strand

Dr Heartman

Mama

Lockne

Deadman

Die-Hardman

Clifford Unger

Doki Doki Literature Club~

Monika

Sayori

Yuri

Natsuki

Obey Me!~

Lucifer

Mammon

Leviathan

Satan

Asmodeus

Beelzebub

Belphegor

Diavolo

Barbatos

Luke

Simeon

Solomon

Thirteen

☆Overall Note☆~ All Under 18 Characters Will Be Platonic, Unless Shipped With A Character/Oc Of The Same Age.♡

♡Protect the Children♡

◇What I won't write◇~

Heavy Nsfw

Non-Con/ Dub-Con

Pedophilia

Insest

Self Harm

Suicide

Big Age-Gap Relationships

Other people's oc's

Cheating (Except Comfort)

Send Requests, I'm Depressed💐

[callmeana2310]

Old Friends - College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Part (1/?) if you like this one?

Parts : Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Pairing: College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Warnings: mentioning of alcohol, light cussing, LGBTQAI+, mentioning of break ups, NO PROOFREADING, non-native in English! (Lemme know any mistakes, especially if anything is offensive in the slightest ways!!!)

Topics: friendship, crush, old friends meet again, party, bisexuals, music, soft cute cuddly Nick Nelson

Summary: After years the reader meets Nick Nelson at a LGBTQAI+ college party. They knew each other from Truham and Higgs and (Y/N) remembers her crush on him.

Word count: 812

Note: This is for the 20+ gang who also loved Heartstopper. Nick is in his mid 20s and the reader in her early 20s!

(not my picture. All rights belong to the owner.)

Old Friends - Party

Arriving at the building I started questioning why again I agreed to go to this party. “C’mon Y/N/N Drop the face! I’m sure it’ll be fun!” my friend Emily said when she saw me frown. “I just don’t get why we have to go to a party where we literally have to put a label on us. God damnit! Everyone knows you are a lesbian!”, I laugh sarcastically. “And everyone knows you are bi! So?” I groaned annoyed, “I just hate it that someone forces me to label anything! Especially my sexuality!”

I gave in when a few more of our friends joined us. Entering the party I get handed a bracelet in pink, purple and blue with huge lettering that says “BISEXUAL” for everyone clearly to see. I roll my eyes while putting it around my wrist. “I need a drink to do this!”, I state before heading for the kitchen where drinks were handed out. I grab a drink, but before I can take a proper sip I hear that the song Girls/Girls/Boys by P!ATD starts and immediately hear how my friends scream my name, coming to get me to the dance floor. This is our anthem. Our bi anthem. At that moment I forget my grudge against all the labelling at this party. We dance and scream the lyrics at the top of our lungs. After a couple of songs, I leave the dance floor looking for a quieter place when I suddenly hear a slightly familiar voice calling my name. I turned around to see Nick Nelson in front of me. All-grown up in his mid-twenties, with the same haircut, the same soft brown eyes and some stubbles on his chin. 

“Oh my God! Nick! Nick Nelson!” we both laughed and he pulled me into a long hug. “I can’t believe it is really you! I heard your friends screaming your name and then saw you dancing!” he chuckles. “It really is! It is so good to see you!” I said with a big smile. “Look at you. You were a year 9 when I saw you last before I graduated Truham! How are you doing? What are you doing here?” he said while we continued walking towards the backyard. I nod “A year 9! Yes! God! It’s been years! I’m doing fine! I study here and my friends literally dragged me to this party! What are you doing here?”. He laughs and softly shakes his head, “You study here and you don’t know the captain of the university rugby team? What a shame! That is personal...” “Shut up! That is you?! I mean I knew you were good! And I knew some “Nick” dude is the captain....but OMG!” 

We sit down on a bench, continue talking and immediately click. He was an icon back in our home town, for his rugby skills but also for his outing as one of the first non-heterosexual boys at Truham. “You know Darcy and Tara are both here too, right?”, he asked. I nod “Yes Darcy and I have some seminars together! I can’t believe they never mentioned you!” He places his right hand on his chest, above his heart, and fakes a groan “I can’t believe they would do this to me!” We both laugh at his bad acting skills. “So.. Me, Darcy, Tara, You... Did I miss anyone else from home?” I paused for a moment “...Is Charlie here too?” I asked cautiously. He shakes his head “No. He went to another university after we broke up...” “Oh... sorry to hear...” I mumble. I really was. They were a precious couple and, like I said, ICONS back home. “No worries... It’s been a while.”, he says with a soft smile. I sigh on the inside, how I missed that soft smile. 

He takes my hand, inspecting my label bracelet, softly laughing “When did that happen Miss ‘I have the biggest crush on Harry Greene’?” I sigh! “Nick! That crush on Harry was years ago! Before I understood how he treated people!” “I still can’t believe this...” I roll my eyes jokingly directing the conversation back to the bracelet “I hate those labels! But...That is actually your fault... I didn’t even know what bisexuality meant back when you came out... I mean I was a kid...but I started to research LGBTQAI+ topics and then realised” I shrug. “Sorry?” he chuckles and lets go of my hand. “Nope, I’m happy and it was easier for all of us after you guys started it all...” He looked at me, his eyes soft and a small smile on his lips before he pulls me in for another hug “I’m really happy you are here!”. My inner 16-year-old me, who had the biggest crush on him, screamed in excitement. My heart pounded in my chest and I hoped the hug would last a while.

[danddymaro]

Jerk | Higgs Monaghan x Reader

Thoughts : ‘Sample’

Word Count:  639

This is for a reader who’s a part of the Itty Bitty Titty Comity, lol. So...Smoll chest girlies like me.

Kinda Smutty. 

Jerk

"You've got worthless, lil' tits," he bitterly muttered, his gloved, right hand slapping the little perky set, causing them to perform a short-lived, yet, sweet little jump he eyed in a trance state.

His words were filled with mockery, but truly, he eyed every bit of her with nearly unblinking eyes, mesmerized by her exposed body in a way she hadn’t bothered to take in at the moment.

Instead, she looked away, her (e/c) colored eyes eyeing her clothes that all lay scattered, each and every piece stretched and torn due to his impatience.

She wanted to hide from him, and more than anything,  obscure the sight of her small chest, but it wasn’t possible in the state she was now.

Her arms were pressed together behind her back, the itchy rope tightly bound around her forearms in a way that made it impossible to pull them apart, leaving her with no choice but to expose herself to him, her heaving chest beautifully presented to him.

 As she took in a long, stilled breath, he released a low breath of his, 

“ Well, “ he then muttered with contemplation, his blue eyes glued down, eyeing the meager bit of chest with a tight bite to his lower lip, 

“...At least they're cute,” he murmured with praise, caressing the little lump in his hand sweetly before his entire hand enveloped the small breast, soon retreating his fingers until they were all drawn to the center of the tender flesh, tugging the cute, little bud that stood out excitedly.

And at that, her back arched, unwillingly drawing in more for him, the action making him chuckle, the kittenish look in his eyes becoming even more prominent as he curled his lips into a satisfied, little grin, 

“ Oh darlin',  what's with that face?” He said lowly, then pouting playfully as he watched her morph the lustful bliss she wore into a bit-lipped grimace. 

His left hand’s index and middle finger strummed beneath her chin, the light, ticklish brush causing her to squirm. Consequently, the bind that held her dug into her skin, making her grow even more agitated, 

“Talk to me,” He encouraged her, “Speak to Daddy.”

“Y-You’re such a jerk…” She breathed, finally finding it in her to look up at him, her (e/c) colored eyes staring up at him pathetically, something that made his insides stir, 

“Ah, Come on... I'm still willin’ to fuck ‘em,” He rasped, his upper body leaned down to her, breathing out her name in a way that made her heart drum even louder, the sound of his voice almost drowned out by the loud rhythm. 

 With a snaking hand, then pressed his palm at the side of her face, holding her cheek as he hummed her name again, 

“(F/n), ” He cooed.

His lips pressed to her hairline before he drew back, standing back at his full height, one that seemed much more imposing as she was cut down to size by her position.

 “  And then...afterward,”  he trailed off, a deep, low growl vibrating his chest, 

“ -  I'll fuck you too baby. 

Oh… I'll fuck the absolute shit out of you.” He promised her and mindlessly, she quivered, reactive to everything he did, the woman affected by even the tone of his voice and the wonderful thickness that it possessed. 

‘Of all the people scattered in the world…’ She started, watching as he made himself comfortable, the thick layers of clothing he wore removed in a way that was sensuous and teasing, 

‘Why did it have to be him?’ she wondered while she eyed him with glazed (e/c) colored eyes, nearly salivating at the sight of the man that both loved and humiliated at the same time.

“Jerk...” She breathed again, both hating, and loving him, both feelings melted together, not one existing without the other.

[lethalchiralium]

blue hydrangea | Higgs Monaghan x F!Reader

a/n: requested by @catbox-art and @barzalslittlebitch , but in turn I realized I need to continue my male reader inserts for my male readers :)

warnings: cussing, Higgs being Higgs... also if the advice doesn’t make sense please remember that my 7 braincells are here but none of them work anymore I need new batteries

Now this is a sight.

Higgs gazed around the small room that was over growing with gorgeous plants and flowers. The place had such a sweet smell of addicting flowers, Higgs couldn’t believe his eyes. He didn’t really believe that hacker of his, but that man hasn’t steered him wrong yet. He was looking for the famous Botanist of the Northeast, who grew plants all day and gave advice all year long. Many called her the Goddess of Spring, or just Persephone, for short. Not many knew her real name.

He was here for fun, to see if a rumor was true; he could have checked on the Fragile Express Network if she was real, but he liked investigating things for real. Nevertheless, he was impressed by the amount of greenery that thrived in the room. The Devil’s Hound that usually brought death was starting to be overwhelmed by all of the life in the room, he wished it left a bad taste in his mouth but he couldn’t lie; this was a magnificent sight. He just wished he wasn’t a fucking klutz.

As soon as he stepped forwards, he heard something tumble to the ground and shatter. He glanced to his right, where his arm had accidentally nudged off a little pot with a small, blooming golden flower.

“Dammit,” He muttered before he kneeled down, his eyes wandered to this flower that reminded him of his porter days. He saw a flower like this once, when he was hiking to the Spiritualist. It was growing under the warmth of a Timefall Shelter that he was sleeping under due to the whiteout, it was exactly like this one.

“Hey sweetheart, what’dya break?” A voice popped up next to him and he stood up quickly, he was caught in his thoughts. You kneeled on the floor and looked up at him with an innocent gaze, he thought that that alone would melt him into wax for the Devil to use for her letters. You gave him a small grin before you looked down at the plant on the floor.

He certainly thought the ‘Persephone’ so many told stories about would be a frail old lady, let alone a young lady.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t-“

You waved at him, the other hand gently scooped the flower into a much larger pot with a different type of flower. “Don’t worry, accidents happen.”

You wiped your hands on your overalls and gave Higgs another gentle smile. “What can I help you with, honey?”

Higgs’ heart malfunctioned and he gave you a sweet smile back. “Well, I was hopin’ I could have some of that free advice I keep hearin’ about.”

You smiled wide. “Well, I’d need something to give you advice about, but first, would you like some tea?”

Higgs followed you down a spiral staircase to a large shelter, where hanging plants hung from the ceiling beside the warmth of the fairy lights. This home was the embodiment of ‘soft’, the living room had all white furniture and the lights were set low. He wondered why he couldn’t have all of these nice things at his own home.

There are way too many reasons why I can’t have nice things.

You moved to the little kitchenette and grabbed two tea cups. He watched as you poured them both tea, and he was honestly curious as to why you extended kindness to him. He felt that he looked hideous, you should’ve at least been standoffish.

“I don’t judge people on their looks, sweetheart.” You handed him a cup of tea and he took it, then followed you to your dining room. You both sat down, you set your cup down on the table as he took a sip.

“Now, for real, what is troubling you?”

Higgs offered a toothy grin as he set down his cup. “I honestly don’t know. I only came here because I thought you were just a rumor that my colleagues told just for shits and giggles.”

You smiled and carded a hand through your hair. “It’s surprising to hear of an independent woman having thoughts, isn’t it?” Higgs instantly started to sputter but you held up a hand with a playful smile. “I’m just joking, please don’t get upset.”

Even Higgs knew the greatest leader needed someone to talk to, and this lady was a personality he could get used to.

“Was always taught to respect women, ma’am, didn’t mean anything by what I said.”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your tea. “I hope you can trust me enough to take down your walls someday, sweetheart.” Higgs’ smile dropped instantly and he looked down at his own cup, avoiding her intense glare. “But for now, at least give me something to let me grant you some peace of mind. You went out of your way to visit me, it is only fair.”

“Fine.” He spoke, and then took a long sip of his tea, pondering the taste in his head for a moment. “I have this...battle that seems I’ll win but I keep losing. My goal is getting just outta reach, no matter what I do. There’s always something fuckin’ it up. Any advice to how I can win?”

You grabbed a sugar cube from the dish on your table, and he watched you intently. “You are letting yourself get wrapped up in it all.” You rolled the cube in your fingers as you sat back in your seat. “People tend to let the flavor of victory infect their mouth before they have even reached the battlefield. They think they will win the battle because they are the best, but in fact, they’ve left their defenses down and are easy to strike down. Take for an example, Napoleon. He was regarded as a military genius in his time, and soon after the invasion by Russian forces, he was exiled but soon returned, only to be in over his head since he thought he knew he would win.” You then placed the sugar cube next to your tea cup. “Don’t let your goal make you feel victory before you even put in the real effort to get there. If you really want to reach your goal, to defeat your enemy, you need to get up and put in the effort you know that needs to go in. You need to be smart and let your pride stay out of your head for a while.” You pointed at the sugar cube. “Pride is what exiled Napoleon, twice I may add. And you seem like a prideful man, so it seems that your pride may be your downfall.”

Higgs’ eyebrows furrowed. For a lady ‘round my age, she sure knows her shit.

He sat back in his chair as he watched you sip your tea again. “Such wise words comin’ from such a young and beautiful lady.”

You gave him another smile. “Not all women are made for looks, Peter.”

Higgs was impressed. You knew he was in your home before he had even smashed that damn pot. “Your brain has mine beat, but I can’t deny a lady this beautiful a compliment.”

“Thank you, Peter. I hope you realize that in this setting, I will always remain professional.”

Higgs finished his tea then nodded your way. “Still can’t stop my compliments, even if you gave me a lifetime’s worth of that tea you have.”

You brushed it off before you stood, taking his cup and yours in your hands, then saying, “I hope you remember your way out? I’m sorry to kick you out, but I do have some chores to finish.”

“Oh, yeah.” He stood, and pushed his chair back in as a sign of respect, then glanced around to see that the lady had vanished. He shook his head, and jumped back to his own shelter miles away. He then waltzed into his kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it, and chugged it. He was never a man for tea, but it was... quaint to hear something other than battle plans and how he should stop Sam next.

He chucked the can into the trash and hopped onto the hammock he stole from a porter a few years back. That porter was looking for hours for the damn thing, gave Higgs a hell of a good laugh. He honestly couldn’t get that place out of his head, a place where someone didn’t know him; but also a place he could talk to someone instead of talk to himself. It was refreshing, that and it’s been years since he had any... attraction to anyone, and it was such a surprise to hear someone not talk about themselves.

The fingertips of his right hand grazed the floor before he picked up the old tennis ball he had and tossed it at the wall, then caught it as it came back. He repeated this, hoping to rationalize the feeling of attraction that it has been years since he had felt. He didn’t like it; this whole feeling thing, made him want to rip out his heart and feed it to a BT. Sure, maybe he could get an artificial heart? Maybe that would cancel out this sudden... feeling thing?

Higgs’ Hand missed the ball and it landed right into between his eyes, and he let out a yelp. He tore the ball off of his face and let it fall beside the hammock as he gently pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes were stinging since the damn ball hit his nose too, and he just let out a loud chuckle. He knew he was in over his damn head with this one.

———

Copyright © 2020 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.

[vostara]

quick reminder!

hey y’all

i’m about to attempt going to sleep but before i go i just wanted to remind everyone that i’ll be on a mini-hiatus for unknown amount of time! i am about to move across the country for graduate school and don’t know when my new apartment will be set-up with wifi. 

i do plan on working (and finishing) at least the full rough draft of afterimages during this flight + time offline. if i get wifi quickly, i will continue working on that series as a priority until it is complete.

the mini series has approximately four chapters to go (we’ll see what happens when the writing starts), so i want to wrap it up before i move onto different projects.

i promise i will circle back to hypnophobia! i’ve got the next chapter planned out in my head, but delayed work due to this hectic schedule. i expect it to be a long(ish) chapter and didn’t want to start writing it until i knew i would be able to finish it uninterrupted.

+ new projects are in the works! currently everything is still in the outlining process, but i will list them in order of (planned) priority as the next project following the conclusion of afterimages:

arthur morgan x reader -- afterlife au (one-shot)

jacob frye x female original character -- vampire au (series)

cullen rutherford x female original character x solas -- mythology-inspired au (series)

higgs monaghan x reader -- hanahaki au (one-shot)

if you typically read my updates posts, you might have noticed that the other ares and santino fics i’ve mentioned in the past are not currently on the new projects list! this is simply because i’ve decided to delay those while i take some time to add a couple new fandoms to my blog. i am still very excited for those ideas and fully anticipate pursuing them in the future.

but right now there are two different john wick fics being written and i want to spend some time in other fandoms (to help prevent burnout and scratch my creative itch for other ideas)

[danddymaro]

Death Stranding | What I Have To Do

Previous:  Stolen Princess

Thoughts are italics in quotations = ‘Example’

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

A/N: ((Most of this takes place before the previous chapter.))

I honestly wish I would have put this in before, but oh well.

Word Count : 5256

What I Have To Do

Thunder trailed the route he took. Darkness cast over the footprints behind him as he continued to walk along the trail of pretty little flowers that would soon see an end.

“ Oh darling,” Higgs started, holding the woman close, cradling her body, and sharing as much warmth with her as he could. 

Smiling softly, he didn’t look back, instead, looking up at the clear sky before him and the wonderful azure that painted the atmosphere, 

“A little piece of heaven in this hell,” He said while he took one step forward, the long stride ending in a short spin of bliss.

“- The sound of this rain, I don’t think I could ever hate it.” he mused.

“- Because It’s our sound.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

- Hours Prior

The unrelenting sound of the seemingly never-ending, weighty downpour remained a part of the background as the two stayed awake together throughout the night.

 The occasional thunders that boomed outside had, for the most part, gone ignored in a sort of, 'out of sight, out of mind,' stand against the world and whatever assault it had to deliver, which wasn't too much unlike how life had become since the world had changed. 

Since life had become a survival; 

Since the explosion.

Tentatively, (f/n) looked up at Higgs, watching as he skimmed his eyes past every word of the book that lay before him.

He'd found it on a shelf a day prior and had been very languidly reading through the written words with what seemed like mild interest.

He wasn't entirely absorbed with it based on how much he frequently took it upon himself to look towards her and speak, paying more attention to the scattered talks they had throughout the last few hours than the piece of literature he had on the table.

(f/n) had difficulty not smiling when he looked at Higgs. 

He was a very sweet person, and they seemed to share a common trait ; 

They wanted someone there, or rather, they yearned for someone there. 

Higgs always had a strange, soft gloom in his eyes, and it always hit her when she aligned her sights with him because she identified with it so much that it felt like a reflection of her own gaze. 

'I would have never have imagined it, never have expected it... but I'm happy he's here,' She thought to herself, not quite sure she could really refer to him as a stranger anymore.

- Not when they’d share so much.

Perhaps if the tremendous storm had hit off while she was still alone she would have simply given in, accepting that her seldom, lonesome life was just so miserable, there wasn't a reason to keep trying. 

There would be no reason to wait for sunlight. 

There would be no reason to keep checking her emails, daily and desperately.

There was no reason for anything when the only thing that awaited her was an eventual, lonely death to pair with her uneventful existence.

 'But...' she then thought to herself, all as she retained a placid smile that barely lifted the corners of her mouth in the most delicate manner ever mustered, 'But I have a guest,' she added, musing over how even if she wanted to simply wither away now, it wasn't just her.

‘I have a friend,’ she thought with giddiness.

Originally she would have let happen what would happen, and it wasn’t like she would have had a choice anyway. She would meet an end whichever way, the only difference being that alone, she wouldn’t have put on a brave face.

She wouldn’t have battled through every day with a smile, a true expression that was of a person that had something left to enjoy.

She wouldn’t have hoped for one more day each and every night, hoping to somehow extend the hours of the day and prolong the ghastly visit of the reaper.

It would have been different before Higgs, but now she had company, pleasant company, and she wasn't going to let any of the wretched gloominess from the outside seep through just then.

Someone else occupied a seat in her home, and it felt so lovely. 

It felt like something she didn't want to let go of just yet. 

Somewhere, far deep within the crevasses of her mind, she hoped that if it was fate for her to fade away during the heavy downpour, then at least her last moments should be with someone else. 

There was still no reason to look forward to anything beyond the downpour, but at least smile now she could smile.

Her last sentiment would be something treasured and tender.

'This is …nice,' she thought with lightheartedness, the heavy aching that had been weighing down her heart lessened, but only somewhat. 

Try as she may, the returning thought of the Bridges porter always pathed way, because it was a different type of heartbreak she felt for him. 

It was something so different and set apart that it was hard to ignore.

It was the same kind of ache she'd only ever read about before but never felt before then.

'In a dream world...you come back,' she mused. ' even if it ends in tragedy, you come back,' she added with a tart touch to her presently sweet smile.

'We'd say goodbye to each other.' She thought while only fantasizing a rather laughable, and overromanticized reenactment of the last novel she'd read.

‘You’d look at me, and you’d tell me how much you’ve missed me. And I’d tell you how much I don’t care...

Because you’re there with me now.

And that’s all that matters.

You’d touch me, and it’d be the first embrace we have...and the last thing I remember before I know what lays beyond. 

She then scoffed, the small sound accompanied by a playful eye-roll that was coupled with a slow, bemused shake of her head.

'- like that would ever happen,' She finally added. 'You're busy...and I'm here.'

By then it'd been a total of six days of continuous rainfall that had not deterred by much. 

Small, open windows of sunshine lasted for only a few minutes before the unkind showers continued, and as she realized that there wasn't even enough time to take a grateful breath during the interludes, she stopped waiting to be graced by the touch of warm rays.

She stopped trying to venture outside, and it had been then that she wondered if her visiting guest would become a permanent habitant because for some reason the thought of him also dying hadn’t really dawned onto her.

"And here I was thinking I'd die alone," she dryly muttered, the words leaving her before she could truly process what she was saying. 

It was rather morbid to say given the situation, because the matter at hand was that, they could very well die. It was the grim reality. 

For a fraction of a second, she expressed worry through a grimace as she registered her own words that were supposed to be more thoughts than anything.

"Here’s to that," Higgs said so with a huff, and while his head was more tilted down, looking over what was an old, torn novel before him, it was at the perfect incline to still meet her gaze.

As (e/c) colored eyes fell over his, she found amusement dancing in the blue orbs, giving her reason to smile again. 

Calming, she was done away with most of her worry as it was replaced by something more innocent.

Embarrassment perhaps, an aftermath of not only her silly ramblings but the look he gave her, more specifically the playful chiding that came from them.

‘You know that was bad right?’ he silently questioned her. 

‘Bad...but funny.’

- At least that’s what she understood.

She felt like she understood him, and he, in turn, did the same for her.

She hardly ever needed to explain things to him, because somehow, he just understood.

Darkness enveloped her home from the outside, but within the safety of the little, underground enclosure there was a graceful light that overpowered the dismay that existed for miles.

All the while, throughout every day that he spent with her, he retained a true, content smile, one that rarely ever faltered. 

Every so often Bridges became a passing topic, and even then he managed to stay rather content. 

Because it wasn't Bridges that watched her face morph from enjoyment to sadness. Then, as the sadness settled in, it wasn't Bridges that managed to make her smile after that.

- Higgs was. 

He was there, and he wasn’t leaving without her.

As they sat together throughout the evening that ultimately turned into night, a sweet smile was on his face as he listened to her speak, enjoying the pleasing sound of her voice as she made conversation with him.

He'd only halfheartedly stared down at the printed words before him as a pastime before eventually, his hand gently moved to shut it, moving it aside as he looked at her, not at all bothered to give her all of his attention.

She'd started with the little sarcastic statement that somehow lead in to an actual conversation. 

Somehow, there was always something to talk about, and while silence was always rather peaceful to him, there was something about the sound of her voice that made him feel calm.

It made him feel happy as well.

The entire time he'd sat there and breezed through the boring book, he wondered if she'd save him from its clutches and just talk to him, truly bringing him out with a talk that would give him a reason to keep his eyes on her.

And eventually, it happened, and he’d been overjoyed, silently overjoyed because he couldn’t tell her how much he loved her. 

Not yet, at least.

She was enthusiastic to keep chatting, and he wouldn't dream of putting an end to the chat, even if, for the most part, it was one-sided.

'the more you tell me,' he started, all while walking past her, feeling so much at home, that he didn't ask where most things were, or if he could help himself to anything.

Part of it was just him marking his territory, and the other being that she truly didn't seem to mind, going as far as to encourage him to take what he needed, do what he wanted, and walk as though this were his own home. 

The only limits he had were her bedroom, but of course, that was understandable. 

As much as he wanted to visit her throughout the night, watch her, touch her and simply breathe the same air she did, he waited for the next day. 

He was compliant.

- Respectful.

He was, what he felt she deserved.

 'the more you keep going,' he went on as, unwillingly, a soft sigh of happiness left him, 

'- The more I fall,' he thought with certainty.

'The more I'm here...' he then added, 'The more I understand you, and the more you become mine.'

'Have you told him half the things you tell me?' he asked himself, liking the idea that even if Sam had gotten the opportunity to be in her presence more, Higgs could go even closer.

He’d dug deeper.

His chest felt warm as throughout all the while that, that thought had occurred, his heart encouraged the musing, 

'  She's not like this with him.'

‘- I know her more.’

He wanted to touch her, even if it was just his arm grazing hers, he wanted some form of contact to go along with the feelings that festered within him. 

But with a soft sigh, smiled instead.

He hummed in response to her, just to let her know he was listening to her and paying attention, all as he took the liberty to pour her a drink.

 A sweet, aromatic waft of air traveled to him as he poured the tea, and he couldn't help but halfheartedly glare down at the drink with traces of guilt.

Guilt, that felt like an infectious negative eating him from within, spreading wildly.

Everything was going well, so swimmingly, it was astonishing. Everything was in his favor, and yet, somehow, there was just a touch of shame that he swallowed down as he prepared her serving.

' I came here...to do this,' he thought to himself, knowing that eventually, the little world they shared had to crumble.

Eventually, they had to face reality.

"I need you to go there," the young, blonde-haired woman said as she informed him of the location, one he recognized quickly, and he felt something knot up his stomach.

Actual bile threatened to rise from his stomach, and as a result, his mouth was shut tight, lips pressed together firmly.

With the same wretched expression of sorrow that created a mask of false innocence she always wore, the blonde-haired woman looked over at him, 

"I want her out of the way," She said lowly, finalizing her decision, and it was only then that he looked up at her, his gaze narrowed.

In her own world, she didn’t feel the hot sear of his gaze, or the sharpness of the blades he shot at her.

"-If you have to create a void out and take everything along, then do so," she ordered.

Her words were spoken in the same manner as always, always having a touch of plea in them even while she made commands to him, as though somehow, she were the true victim.

- As though she had true, justification.

The golden mask he wore was placed perfectly over his face, and if she could see his eyes, she'd know that the little playful tone he spoke with was just as a façade as she, in her entirety was,

"An entire void out?" he mused, "What? Are you Afraid of a little girl in the middle of nowhere?" He mused aloud, the statement making Amelie's mouth turn down as she swallowed down bitter spit.

She looked as though she’d tasted something inhumanly sour with how quickly and viscously her features had twisted.

In her heated state, Amelie didn't question why his voice had been so low, nor how, there was even the slightest sense of knowing in regards to the targeted individual.

Instead, in all her ignorance, she turned from him, looking over to the waters of the beach, glaring at it and hiding the storm that brewed in her own eyes as she bitterly scowled.

"-It's because of her," she then said sharply, nearly hissing. "He goes to her at every moment he can!" she added.

“...And the way he talks about her,” she said while spinning back to face Higgs, her eyes on the verge of tears.

'He..?' the man thought with confusion at first. 

"During every moment I see him, she's there, like a ghost I can never see but have to hear about!" she exclaimed, pain evident. " He mentions her like she's this existing being that's not of this world...like she's the only thing that matters to him," she added, and it clicked. 

It all clicked. 

(F/n). 

His (f/n), the one that was far from all the other shit and wretchedness, was the same person Amelie would occasionally maunder over, never addressing her or truly mentioning her, but having enough spite to grumble over and vent as Higgs halfheartedly paid attention.

(f/n) was the same person Sam had met and couldn't stop visiting.

- The same one he seems to act strange and bashful over when she's brought up.

- The same one that Amelie would listen on about with concern that had spiked into spite when Bridges admitted that when his mind wanders, he thinks of her. Much more that he hopes that somehow, a dream would manifest, something to replace the nightmares he has.

Amelie was jealous because before (f/n), she'd been Sam's comfort. 

She'd been the only reason he had until he found (f/n).

" Is this about that little errand you sent him to do... 

Or about keeping him all to yourself?" Higgs asked suddenly, already knowing that even if both would be true, it was envy that fueled it most, all by the way he watched her stiffen. 

"If she's gone," he started, feeling his heart suddenly ache as he said so, and he had to take a long inhale to continue, "You'll be his only reason he has," he said knowingly. 

"Just make her go away..." Amelie pleaded, her voice terribly soft.

During then, something in (f/n) clicked, and her face became startled with sudden surprise while a sharp gasp left her, 

“Oh!" She then peeped, a quick realization falling upon her, and making her abruptly stop. 

The reaction affected him as well, the impulsive sound startling him. 

Quickly looking over his shoulder, he caught her horrified expression, his own eyes wide as he froze. 

 "I’m so sorry!" she suddenly exclaimed, the apologetic cry calming him just a bit because he realized that it wasn't that she'd somehow figured out who he was, or suspected any treachery from him. 

Instead, her outburst was something that came from a rather endearing, and considerate mindset.

 "I'm so sorry," she said again, the second time nearly grimacing, "I didn’t mean to keep you up!” She then said while offering him a sheepish smile, not even noticing how ridged he'd been or how much relief washed over him afterward.

She then seemed to deflate, as slowly, the enthusiasm she'd been speaking to him with began to die out, leaving him with just the soft sounds of her quieting, nervous chuckles.

'Are you kidding me?' he wondered with amusement, ‘I just love listening to you...’ he mused, shaking his head while he held back a chuckle of his own.  

"Don't apologize," he told her, truly feeling that he didn't have a right to one. 

“But I- “

"No, No," he then insisted, playing off the sternness that had been weaved in his words at first, stopping whatever argument she had as well.

 " I'm having fun!" He assured her, dismissively waving his hand to try and convince her that he was being sincere and not just polite.

“I’d rather stay awake with you than be alone with my thoughts all night,” he argued, the words holding just a touch of bitterness.

 "So come on, and I'm warning you, If you don't keep talking, then I will," he cautioned her, forcing a chuckle from her. "And my stories aren't as sweet as yours," he promise her, and he was being entirely truthful. 

There was hardly anything soft about him, except, perhaps her.

"- And I don't mind," she said without hesitance, and he softly nibbled on his tongue, because he had the urge to tell her everything.

Foolishly, he wanted to just spill everything to her.

'Would you understand?' he thought to himself, reasoning he already knew the answer, but just hoped for that off-chance as impossible as it could be.

'If you knew how many times I'd cornered him like a damn rat...

If you knew that I'm the very thing you pray against...' he then added, knowing how much she worried over the other man.

‘Would you forgive me?’ he wondered. ‘Or would you forget this part of me exists? Would you just see me in the way he’s probably already told you to see me?’

He was silent, far too contemplative to notice she waited for him to speak and tell her the very stories she'd find dreadful.

She could see how pensive he became, as well as how much his expression had darkened, and after a thoughtful hum, she slowly took the reigns again, 

"Ah...You know," (f/n) then started, not at all confident in her words as they stumbled out, "I don't mind a lil drizzle," she admitted, offering him a lukewarm smile as she told him. 

She'd tried to think of something quick to distract him from whatever it was that turned his mood, and that was the first thing that came out.

She reasoned that he had a visiting, bitter thought and wasn’t quite ready to share yet. 

As a kindness, she thought she should draw him back to her instead. 

He needed a distraction, and she did her best.

so far he'd made it clear he didn't mind if she spoke, and he seemed to have something in mind, something grave she wanted to pull him back from.

" It might sound like I hate it with how much I complain, " she started, and before she continued, he scoffed, suddenly snapping out of his daze.

"You? complaining?" he asked her with mock disbelief. " No....not you," he added, well aware of how much she complained about the continuous showers. 

Rolling her eyes, she continued, "Anyways, I complain about the storm we have now, but to be truthful, sometimes, I look forward to a little bit of rain," she then said while playing with the doily that decorated the round table, idly hooking her fingers onto it with no real reason but to mess with it.

"It isn't that I despise the rain itself...because I don't..." she confessed to him.

"Soft showers are lovely," she said softly. "They're relaxing, almost sedative at times." 

"I don't hate the rain...but lately..." she murmured with a little sigh, "Lately, it’s been too much, and I haven’t been able to sleep.” She told him. 

"My problem is that it hardly ever stops," she said while closing her eyes tightly.“ It’s been making me really anxious,” She revealed. 

"It's been making me feel really uneasy, and when I feel like that, I just toss and turn if I try and go to bed.

So, I don't even bother to try and rest," she went on. “And even when I do...I feel tired still,” she explained.

“I guess that’s why I'm still out here, ” she said so as a self-realization.

"It feels like walls are caving in on me, and I have to find something to blame so I can just... just keep going. 

I try to distract myself though. You know, doing little things to try and get my mind off of..." (f/n) then trailed off, her lips pursed together as she hummed. 

"... everything," she added, having an entire catalog of things that left a bitter taste at the mention.

“I’m so tired and sleep can’t fix it. I don't know if you feel that way too sometimes," she added.

"- So frustrated and tired," she elaborated. “I wonder if my silly ramblings make any sense,” she then said.

During then, he gazed down at her serving of tea, blankly staring down at it as he took in her grievances.

"- Sometimes," he admitted, not telling her that the truth was that it was every day.

The nightmares that tormented him made sleep nearly impossible. 

He either woke up in between thick sobs or stayed awake until his eyes burned and there was hardly ever an in-between.

Lately, however, he’d had the luck of living through the ‘Hardly ever,’ moments.

Being around her felt …nice.

"I get nightmares frequently," he revealed to her, "So sleep isn't an escape for me like it is for everyone else," he informed her.

“It’s never really been an escape for me,” he added with a grimace.

 "Being a porter... I was...I am away a lot. Most of the time I'm alone." he said while a touch of remembrance graced him as he thought back to the innocence he used to have.

he thinks back to the sadness that floods him and has stayed.

He thinks of all of his failures and how no matter what he did, death was at the end.

"I don't have to bother anyone that way. That’s the good thing about being alone," he mused the thought aloud, knowing he had trailed off the point he was trying to make, if there had been any to begin with.

“Anyways,” he muttered, all while continuing to gaze down at her serving, eyeing the blend with an expression that held a halfhearted glare, 

"I've got something for us here, " he said before slowly turning back to her. “It should hit the spot,” he said while gently placing the mug before her.  

"- Extra sweet..." Higgs informed her, his smile sincere as he mirrored her gentle expression.

' - just like you,' he inwardly mused, '...just for you,’ he thought while slipping the little flask back into his pocket as he took his seat across from her. 

" Higgs ?" she then breathed as her hand touched the handle, the downhearted expression she wore stilling him because there was nothing in between them. 

It was just him and her, truly bared, yet another layer stripped.

 "Do you ever feel like...like you don't want to be here?" she wondered, seeming ashamed at asking such a thing. "like...you don't want to be anywhere?" she asked him, and his surprised expression that quickly turned soft gave her a strange sense of comfort. 

He didn't judge her for such an inquiry, nor did he look at her with pity.

Instead, it was like he was looking at her with understanding, and all without a single word, he made her feel normal, accepted.

" Yeah," he then breathed, sounding tired as he answered her. 

"But right now...I like being here," he admitted to her, meaning it.

He watched as her eyes shinned, beyond the wetness that had suddenly welled within them, there was a happy, little twinkle in the (e/c) colored eyes. 

There was a short silence in between them one that lasted only a few seconds short of a minute before she spoke again,

"-I like that you're here," she said back, a little quiver to her voice she then masked with a soft chuckle.

' I like having someone around.

I like not feeling lonely.

I like knowing I'm listened to.

I like knowing you're here.

I like you.' 

'you deserve sleep,' he thought with falling shoulders, ' You deserve so much more than this,' he added while watching as she drank down the warm drink with such an appreciation and trust that it twitched at his heart.

she didn't think twice about it, and if she had it was only because of the temperature of the beverage that forced her to go slow.

During then, he released a soft exhale through his nose,

' It'll be alright,' he thought with guilt as he continued to watch her indulge in the rest of the helping with not a single bit of hesitance or shred of doubt.

He could reason that perhaps she was distracted by their conversation, or maybe it was the soft vulnerability that she had for that moment itself, but truly, he knew that it was simply her naiveté that let him take advantage. 

It's the very thing that let him into her home.

'You know the world is shit, but you don't let it rot you, ' he thought with admiration. ‘ You’re not stupid...you’re just too sweet.’

'You feel so alone, and you could try to find an escape. But instead, you just keep going.

You force yourself to keep going because you know deep in your heart, there's something there.

 Even when you’re close to your end, you feel there’s just one thing there.

And you let it give you reason.

And somehow, you stay sweet. 

You stay hopeful. 

Even when you've got misery flashing in your pretty eyes, you're not letting it get the best of you,' he thought with pride.

'Even when your suffering, even after sobbing out your entire heart...you manage to smile,' he added with the same awe. 

'You bounce back, and you glow just as gracefully. 

You continue to find beauty in this filth.

You manage to do something, that until I'd met you felt impossible.' 

Higgs's soft-toned blue's watched the young woman as, steadily, her demeanor shifted.

The lovely radiance of her (e/c) colored eyes slowly dimmed, and at that, the kind smile he offered her became firm, his two lips pressed together until they seemed thin.

her left hand balled before it pressed over her left eye, and her other joined in-suite, her right hand giving the respective eye the same treatment.

A yawn forced its way out of her, the airy sigh sounding terribly sweet before it was suppressed by her cupped hands.

"That's some good tea," (f/n) chimed before another long sigh escaped her, forcing little tears to well in her hazing eyes.

She began to slump, and gradually, she leaned forward, inching closer to the surface with incoherent murmurs as she tried to stay up.

"Higgs..?" she whispered in a soft moan as she watched his blurry figure approach her.

As he moved from the other end of the round table his index and middle finger slid over the surface, slowly trailing until they found contact with the vulnerable beauty.

"Shhhh..." the hushing noise that arose from him was tender, but not as gentle as the touch he graced her with. 

Delicately, his hand caressed her (h/c) colored hair while his eyes stayed attentive to her lovely face and its serene expression as she lived through the last bit of resistance she had against the exhaustion.

She hummed in response to the touch, slowly blinking until she could hardly keep her eyes open.

"I'm happy you're here..." she said beneath her breath, still not understanding what was happening.

Smiling, he responded,

 "Same here sweetheart."

Yet again she murmured his name and something else that he didn't quite catch.

 The same tender hand eased her (light/dark) hair from over the back of her neck as he wore a loving smile.

Slowly, he inched closer, soon nuzzling her nape with a warm murmur of her name being released.

A battered breath left him, fanning over her exposed flesh before he soothed his lips onto the little patch of skin, the press lasting an uninterrupted minute he indulged himself in. 

"I lied," he whispered. "And I'm sorry," he added, and if she could hear his soft apology she’d just know he was being true. 

She’d know that there was true guilt in his voice. 

She’d know that what he did was because he had to.

" I lied sweetheart...I don't like being here. I just like being anywhere you are..." he said with a quirky, little grin.

And for that moment he looked innocent and sweet.

"I'm keeping you safe darling, " he pouted. " From Amelie...From Bridges...From this world."

The blue glow to her cufflinks remained until his hand gripped the end that encircled her wrist. 

His hold was strong enough it shook and it was all that he needed to sever the ties that needed to be destroyed, 

"You don't need Bridges anymore," he said as they were forcibly snapped open, the blaring red that glowed with alarm, landing on the floor.

"I'll tell him for you," he said lowly. "I'll let him know you don't need him. 

I’ll let him understand that you never needed him.

That you just needed to wait for me. 

And here I am." 

If anyone were to see him then, all they would gaze upon is a man that was devoted, a man too far gone to take anything less than what he now had in his hands,

"- I'll tell him you're mine now. 

So You don’t have to worry about any goodbyes.

Because I know how much they break your heart."

Next Part :

[lethalchiralium]

My Everything | Higgs Monaghan x Reader

a/n: welcome to the show, loves. more higgs x readers to come!

pairing: Higgs Monaghan x Female!Reader

summary: Higgs has something in his heart that he wishes could come true, so he could live out the rest of his days peaceful.

masterlist

The whimpers of terror awoke Higgs from a shallow slumber. He didn’t even register his movements before he made them, as he slipped off the mattress and sleepily wandered across the dimmed room towards the yellow light. He blinked rapidly to adjust his eyes to the small pod that was hooked into the wall.

His eyes watched as the BB shivered in fear, its eyes closed since it was sleeping. He murmured to himself incoherently as his ungloved hands reached for the pod holder and gently released it from its home. He then laid the warm yellow pod in his arms, rocking the BB softly and slowly, just like how he knew his momma would’ve. Higgs looked down at the little baby that bridged life and death in a pod with a small smile. In a different life, he would’ve saved the BB from its confinement and give it to a pair of newlyweds, chosen to be its parents. Or he would’ve taken the child with him and forget his life, to raise the child and be a better father than his biological father and his daddy ever were.

But life was never fair.

Especially to Higgs-

Arms wrapped around his chest lazily, and his muscles relaxed. He didn’t even have to look to know it was her.

“Did I wake you?” His groggy voice pierced the soft silence, as he felt her cheek against his back.

“Aili woke me up, I was gonna get up but...”

The little girl let out a loud whimper and Higgs moved a little more, moving his hips to sway her more.

“I did instead.” Higgs mumbled, absolutely occupied by the small little eyebrow furrows by the Bridge Baby named Aili.

He never thought he would be in this situation.

He never thought he would be at his lowest in his life. He never thought that all of his power would be ripped from him in an instant, that a porter with a weird phobia destroyed his life and left him for dead in Limbo. He never thought that the love of his life would risk her own to save his sorry ass with a BB attached to her BRIDGES uniform. He never thought he would be caring for a piece of... equipment.

“She’s pacified, Higgs.” She mumbled, and Higgs continued to admire the little one in his sleepy state. “Come back to bed.”

“I will in a minute, Y/N.”

Her arms soon left his chest, and she moved in front of him. Her tired hands removed Aili from Higgs’ grasp, before placing her back into her pod containment. She turned back around and placed her hands on Higgs’ cheeks, feeling the stubble on his jaw. Her (e/c) eyes meet his with tiredness.

“Let’s go back to sleep.”

Her hands moved to his, trying to lure him back to bed. But he gripped her hands and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her as he gazed at the BB, who had a date with the incinerator as soon as it couldn’t stabilize its ties between the world of the living and the cords of the dead.

“Let’s run away.” Higgs’ voice was soft. “Let’s take Aili and go to Mountain Knot and just... make a life of our own.”

She wished she could’ve pulled away, silnce she’s heard this thousands of times. “Higgs...”

He continued. “We could take her out of the pod and raise her.”

“You’re insane.” She whispered, now gazing at the little one as well. “It would kill her.”

“It didn’t kill Sam, and it sure as hell didn’t kill Lou.” She grimaced at the names of her best friend and her godson. “She could feel the wind and taste those pizzas you used to deliver to me.”

“That was before I knew you thought you were the particle of God.” She mumbled as she leaned her back more into his chest.

“We could get a shelter near Mountain Knot and you could visit Sam whenever.” He murmured as he placed his chin on the top of her head, holding her close. “And I promise I won’t get jealous, darlin’.”

Y/N places her arms on the ones around her waist, and she found herself actually entertaining the idea- instead of blowing it off as one of his ‘godly’ ideas that came from his venomous God complex.

But he lost that a long time ago.

She sighed. “Let me talk to Deadman, then I’ll follow up on that idea only if you come back to bed.”

Higgs smiled before he swiftly swept her off her feet, carrying her bridal style back to the BRIDGES standard bed that they had found themselves sleeping in for quite some time. He gazed down at her, and somehow, everything horrid he had ever done had washed away; they used to tear at his mind constantly. But right now, as he gazed down at the love of his life, all he could see was her beauty and the future he wanted with her and Aili. He saw the future where he was no longer a post-Death Stranding terrorist, where he had a wife who loved him and wouldn’t live his horrible deeds down because she knew he still needed to pay more for them- even though he had lost everything.

When he gazed down, all he could see were the eyes of the woman who loved him. The only person in his entire life who loved him.

And that’s where he wanted to stay.

———

Copyright © 2020 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.

[callmeana2310]

Old Friends (Pt. 2/?) - College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Parts : Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Pairing: College!Nick Nelson x female!Reader

Warnings: light cussing, LGBTQAI+, non-native in English! (Lemme know any mistakes, especially if anything is offensive in the slightest ways!!!)

Topics: friendship, crush, old friends meet again, college, bisexuals, music, soft, young adults, growing up, cute cuddly Nick Nelson

Summary: After years the reader meets Nick Nelson at a  LGBTQAI+ college party. They knew each other from Truham and Higgs and (Y/N) remembers her crush on him.

Word count: 1,851 

Note: This is for the 20+ gang who also loved Heartstopper. Nick is in his mid 20s and the reader in her early 20s!

(not my picture. All rights belong to the owner.)

Old Friends - All Grown Up 

Shortly after leaving the party, my phone vibrates. A message on Instagram. It is Nick. To my surprise, he is still following me and he asks me to check in with him when I get home safely. I bite my lower lip, trying to hide the huge smile. "What's up with the smiley face Y/N/N?", Nicole asks. "Nothing! That party was just great...", I mumble the last sentence. "Uh-uh! She means that hot redhead was great. But you can thank me later for dragging you to that party!", Emily laughs. "I know him from before University... we are...just old friends", I defend myself. The girls laugh, in unison. "Just friends, huh? I don't believe that!", says Emily. They pick on me for a little longer until they are distracted by a group of people walking by we know. I keep quiet for the rest of the way and say goodbye when we arrive at my flat. I make my way up to the third floor, unlock the door, kick off my shoes, put my hair up in a bun and immediately head for the fridge grabbing a cool drink and some grapes. My social battery is dead for now. I sit down on my kitchen floor opening Instagram, again, smiling like an idiot.

Nick Nelson

Hi you! Let me know when you're home safe?

Y/N Y/L/N

Hi! I'm home now 😮‍💨 Are you still at the party?

Nick Nelson

Nah, left shortly after you were gone!

It was really lovely to see you again ☺️

Hope we'll see each other on campus..

Y/N Y/L/N

Let me know when you're home safe? 😁

tbh? I'd be mad if we don't!

Gonna have a word with Darcy and Tara! Can't believe they never said anything!

Nick Nelson

Right?! What did I do?🥺

Cheesy! I'm home now 😝

Y/N Y/L/N

Idk must have done something!🤷🏻‍♀️

That's great! I'm heading to bed now. Sleep well xx

Nick Nelson

Yeah, me too. Goodnight ☺️

I only saw the last message as a notification on my lock screen while walking to the bathroom. I get rid of my clothes, put on a large sleeping shirt, and battle my hair once again before washing my make-up off and then heading for my bedroom, throwing myself at the bed. I take my phone and read Nick's last message again. I haven't thought about high school or him in a long time. Sure, when seeing Tara and Darcy we're reminiscing about the "good old days" every now and then, but we barely do that anymore. I finished high-school four years ago but after that, my life changed so drastically that it feels way further into the past. The first year after high school I stayed home with my parents, worked for some time and then travelled around Europe for quite some time. Then, two years ago, I started studying here at the University and therefore officially moved out.

I softly shake my head, trying to think of something else. I turn off my lights, crawl under the blanket and make sure to turn off all my alarms so I can just sleep in. After starting some light instrumental music with a timer which stops the music in two hours, I put my phone away and try to find a comfy position to sleep in. Closing my eyes I feel it spinning, I quite had some drinks. Hoping the spinning might lull me into sleep, but my thoughts prevent that. My brain feels the urge to get updated on Nick's life. How is his family? Nellie? Whom is he still friends with? Who are his new friends? What music is he into? Before my brain can fully spiral in those thoughts I give in and open Insta again. I avoid opening his last message but I go on his profile and scroll through his pictures and get some answers to the previous questions. Silly little girl stalking her old crush... After a while, I feel my eyes falling shut a few times and before I could know I am asleep.

Wednesday - 4 days after the party

"Ugggh! This is so boring!", I groan very quietly. Lily next to me looks at me in disbelief. "Don't be so loud! They'll kick us out if you're rude!", she hisses at me. I laugh softly, "By now I really wish they'd finally do it..." All my friends around me laugh as quietly as possible, but our professor in the front still shoots us a warning glance. I really try to focus on what is being said in the front, but it is impossible. First lectures at the beginning of a semester are always the same; the professors tell stories about their time at university, they rant about how undisciplined and lazy a lot of students are, then they read out their syllables and go back to ranting. My phone vibrates.

Nick Nelson

Where are you spending your lunchtime?

The menu in the cafeteria is horrible!🤢

Y/N Y/L/N

The menu today is shit!

We're gonna eat at the Chinese restaurant down the street!

Nick Nelson

Is that place good?

Y/N Y/L/N

😍HELL YES! BEST FRIED RICE IN TOWN!

You wanna come? I'm sure the girls won't mind!

Nick Nelson

Sure! You had me at "fried rice"!🤤

Y/N Y/L/N

😂😂😂

Meet me at the main entrance of the philology department

Lecture is done in 40mins

Nick Nelson

🙌🏻 I'll see you in 40!

I look up from my phone, trying to catch up with what is being said. "Did you win the Lottery? Are de finally redeemed? Let's leave!" I hear Vivian to my right site. "What?", I whisper without looking at her. "You smiled at your phone like crazy!", she says while nudging me with her elbow. "Was I?" Lily on the other side laughs a little too loud. We ear another glance. "Hell yes! Are you writing with that hot redhead again?", Lily whispers cautiously while making sure our professor doesn't get disturbed by her again. I roll my eyes in response. "So it is him!", Vivian exclaims. "He has a name. And yes, I was texting him... He'll join us for lunch. But I wasn't smiling.." Emily who sits behind me bends over "The hot rugby guy? Is he joining us? Hell yes!" I laugh slightly over their reactions. Oh lord!

After 40 minutes which felt like hours, we finally leave the lecture hall, gathering outside and exchanging numbers for study groups. I look around to find Nick. A bit further away I see him walking towards us, his right hand reaches up to wave at me. "Nick!" I shout the moment I see him wandering around the space in front of my lecture hall, waving to make sure he sees us. "He had a bi bracelet, right?" Lily asked waving too, "How do you know the rugby captain?". "We went to school together", I reply. Nick arrives with a big smile on his face. "Hi!", he says while hugging me. "Hi" I mumble while enjoying his warm hug. I see the glances of my girlfriends while we part. He turns to the group, waving at them and greeting them all at once. "So... Where's that magical place you told me about?" he asks while turning back to me. "Just follow us handsome!" one of my friends responds. Nick chuckles slightly. I gesture him to follow her lead, laughing about his slightly flushed face. Nothing changed...

"How's the first week back at campus going?", Nick asks while we wait to be seated. "The usual... lecturers trying to explain how studying works... without really knowing the requirements" I groan. He laughs at my statement. "Yeah... I'm in my 7th semester now and they still do that!" "Whyyy tho?" He just shrugs his shoulders in response.

The moment we sit down my friends attack him with questions. I mostly just listen to the conversation because I know most of the answers. Vivian suddenly laughs loudly grabbing everyone's attention. "Omg! Y/N! Nick! You were so cute back then!" "Huh?", Nick and I both look at her. She turns her phone so we can see old newspaper articles about our school sports days. The other girls try to get a good look too. They look at us, comparing us now and then. I slowly sink into my seat. Nick just laughs and earns compliments. I mean, he literary only looks younger and slimmer. Whereas I look like kids looked back in the 2010s. I had small, very unflattering glasses; braids on both sides, my hair stuck up in every direction, my head was red from the exercise in the early summer heat and I wore old, weird and way too small clothes. "Girl! You had the glow-up of the century! You looked terrible!" one of the girls laughs. "Well.. thanks..." I snip back at her. Nick looks at me, softly shaking his head at the comments, giving me a cheering smile. The waiter bringing our food saved me from further comments and the topic is off the table for now. The girls continue attacking him with questions, this time about his rugby career and his studies. I focus on my food, trying to stand above the rather hurtful comments from before.

Part of the group left directly after they finished their lunch since they had classes afterwards. The rest of us leaves the restaurant together. "Sooo! This was fun! We should definitely do this again!" Lily smiles at Nick. "Yeah...sure", he nods. "We are going downtown, will you come?" Vivian asks. "Nah... I need some stuff from the library. Have fun" he denies their request with a polite smile. "I'm heading in the same direction! See ya!" I say before saying goodbye to them. Nick and I walk back to campus, not talking much, but the silence isn't awkward at all. He starts giggling "Fuck! What year were those pictures from? Can we sue the schools?" I laugh at his question. "I wish! That picture of me is a crime!" "I mean, it is so 2010s but it is also very cute!" he claims, looking at me with wrinkles around his eyes since he is smiling so brightly. I automatically smile back at him before shaking my head in disagreement. "No! That's as far from cute as possible!" I pause for a moment, before continuing "But honestly? I haven't thought about my school time like that in a long time." He nods "Yeah, crazy times! I miss home and the old times sometimes.." I shrug, "I like it here too much to miss home." We arrive at the library. "My books are on the third floor", I explain. "Mine are on the fourth", Nick says and smiles. "I guess I'll see you?", I ask. "You definitely will", he says while pulling me in for a hug. I hug him back, again, enjoying his warmth.

'Cause in your warmth I forget how cold it can be And in your heat I feel how cold it can get Hold me in this wild, wild, world - Warmth, Bastille