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the-darklings · 5 years

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—𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒏;

pairing: higgs monaghan x f!reader

word count: 3.7k+

summary: “The storm will always reach the shore. Such is the nature of storms. They destroy.”

warnings: mentions of child abuse, DOOMS side effects, swearing, major DT spoilers obviously.

notes: So I’m playing hard and loose with canon here. Personally, I much prefer the idea of Higgs being this nihilist who is so powerful it's almost like he's a mischievous demi-god wrecking the world simply because he CAN. Because it’s his idea of kindness to end it all now. We’re just, uh, gonna mostly ignore EE here.

There’s a girl here.

There should be no girl here.

He doesn’t visit often—not anymore, at least. Not since his Beach has started giving him an odd, haunting sort of feeling.

The marvel of being able to see his own most private space struck a sense of awe in him once. Fragile jumped him here the first time.

And oh how he remembers that trip. The sensation of being here. The feeling of the sea breeze, the potent charge and heaviness that hung in the air like it was seconds away from storming.

The sea is restless now too, waves beating angrily against the shore as he stands there watching. Storm clouds boil ominous and dark in the distance, hanging over the distant horizon like a shroud.

His Beach is a rather desolate place. But it’s his and his alone.

That’s why an idea of someone else being here, in his space, rattles him.

For the first time in a long time, he feels unnerved.

Not even Fragile came that time.

No one, not even Amelie, has seen his Beach.

But the intruder stands knee-deep in the swirling water, gaze focused on the far distance. If Higgs had to take a guess, he thinks that you, too, are watching the clouds. Perhaps you’re wondering if the storm is going to reach the shore.

The storm will always reach the shore. Such is the nature of storms. They destroy.

The intruder suddenly tenses, turns, as if sensing that something is not right, but Higgs is faster. Between one breath and the next, he jumps right in front of you. He stands on top of the water, towering over you, and tilts his head in an open display of curiosity.

He catches a glimpse of your face. The parting of lips, the widening of your eyes, a startled gasp.

He reaches for you, ready to get his answers, but his hand sails through thin air instead.

He leans back, startled, and watches the dark remains of chiral matter tickle his gloved fingers.

Well, well, how interesting.

He knows you’ll be back.

There is no real way for him to know for sure, but he does.

He considers it a gut feeling and it has rarely failed him in the past.

Of course, just like expected, he’s right.

He’s made a habit of keeping a more careful vigil over his Beach ever since the little run-in, and he finds you once again breaching his space only three days later.

This time, he can sense you clearer, sharper.

The fact that you’re able to jump from his Beach at will suggest your DOOMS level is high. The tickle of curiosity makes him focus, inhale deeply, sensing and considering you as he watches. He wonders what’s your reason for coming here.

Why would you return if you know someone else is possibly occupying this space?

This time, instead of standing still you’re walking, your head tilted towards the sky in wide-eyed wonder.

He tears through the Beach, appearing right in front of you.

You stagger to a stop, instinctively shrinking back from his dark get up and golden skull mask. He cuts an imposing figure, he knows that. It still doesn’t stop him from smiling smugly beneath his masks though.

He knows you’re going to jump even before your fight or flight response kicks in, and he twists his arm, the black coil of BT energy wrapping around your arm like a rope.

You jump anyway and drag him with you like an unruly dog with an unassuming owner.

The jump only takes you about a hundred meters before you stumble to a stop, turning frantically to stare at your arm. You shake it frantically, trying to loosen the tight grip but Higgs clenches his fingers further and the black mass connecting you together contracts further.

He feels a pang of vague disappointment and annoyance. Are you not as powerful as he first suspected? He waits for you to use your DOOMS to break free but instead, you stagger forward, jumping again.

And again.

Again.

Irritation prickles his nerves as you drag him through half the Beach with stubbornness alone. Still, this is what he wants in a sense; for you to tire yourself out, to show just how powerful you truly are. You can’t keep this up forever.

“Let me go!”

“You’re free to go,” he drawls, mockery clear in his voice. “Go on then.”

Your eyes rage like the storm on the horizon and Higgs chuckles under his breath. The sound gets cut off almost immediately when he feels a swell of energy from his intruder. An arm pulsing with pure darkness and silver explodes from thin air, ripping the rope he’s fashioned between you.

The hand disappears the moment the action is done, leaving the air thick with chiralium, and you swaying on your feet. Higgs doesn’t waste time, he appears behind you, wrapping his arm around your neck as he presses you flush against him.

“Hmm, dear me,” he hums cheerfully against your ear, and you squirm desperately in his arms, panting. Exhausted. “Someone went ahead and got themselves into a predicament, didn’t we? You jump now, you take me with you.”

“Let go of me!”

“I don’t think so,” he says, his voice dipping into something colder. “Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice…well, there is no second time.”

He doesn’t see the headbutt coming till it connects with his face. The impact rattles his masks—barely a tickle, really—and he suspects you did more damage to yourself than him.

He laughs. He can’t quite help it.

Snapping his fingers, he steps back, gathering the already thick output of chiralium from you earlier performance to give life to the black tar that crawls up your body like shackles, bringing you to your knees.

“You’re an interesting little thing, ain’t ya?” he quips with a smile, tilting his head to get a better look at your face. Your expression is sallow and twisted with concentration as you breathe heavily. “So, you’re able to summon Gazers, huh? Or part summon at least. Ooh, but you don’t look so good,” he mocks, bending down to your level.

You trash, glaring, but have clearly exhausted yourself too much with you earlier performance. Tears roll down your cheeks and he tsks, leaning back before standing to circle you.

“Who are you?” you demand but it’s a winded and exhausted attempt to appear strong.

Still, brownie points for effort.

“Oh me? I’m nobody,” he answers and leans closer, putting his fingers under your chin so he can meet your stare head-on. “And I’m everybody.”

He jumps behind you and observes with mild interest as you fight…so hard to get loose.

For a moment it takes him back to the shelter. It revives memories of his Daddy, of those powerful arms dragging him back—

“How did you find this place?”

Silence answers him, and in the far distance thunder rumbles.

He leans over you from behind, the coldness of his mask brushing against your warm cheek. “Didn’t your mama teach you that it’s rude to trespass, hm?”

“I’m not trespassing,” you snap, sounding as frustrated as he feels. “I’ve always been able to come here.”

Implying that the last two times have clearly not been the first. Underneath his mask, Higgs frowns in thought. Something like that shouldn’t be possible.

Some freak bleed-through effect as the network grows more powerful, perhaps? Or maybe your DOOMS level is powerful enough to give you access without you even realising it?

He could ask Amelie but, well, it seems like he’ll have to do some old-fashioned digging. The thought of just anyone being able to come here without his permission makes an angry growl bubble at the back of his throat.

“Then I suggest you forget the path to this place real quick, honey.”

A sigh of indisputable frustration. “I’ve tried.”

“Try harder,” he insists, and this time the jovial undertone is completely absent. “Or the next time I find you here, I will scatter your remains across my Beach.”

With that, he turns to go.

“W-Wait! I can’t get out.”

He doesn’t bother turning around. “That’s not my problem.”

And then he’s gone.

Beach Log #1

There’s a girl in my Beach.

The Beach.

The one place where no one should be able to gain access some stranger apparently can just wander in whenever she pleases.

If I applied my Daddy’s logic to this, I should have just “encouraged” the truth out of her. I could have. And it would have been easy, too, with how exhausted she was. But I didn’t want to because where’s the fun in that? Maybe it’s because she almost reminded me—

No. There’s no point in even allowing myself to think about such bullshit. The past is the past.

The girl is powerful though. Being able to even partially summon a Grazer is…something.

Regardless, I’ve never seen her before, have no attachment to her whatsoever, nor she with me. Which then raises a rather interesting question for the class: how was she able to find my Beach? How is she able to come and go as she pleases?

I will find out. I always do.

It’s only a matter of time before she’s back again.

I don’t know how I know, but I do.

What a goddamn mess.

He finds you crying.

Normally, he loves it when people start sobbing in his presence, except this time he knows the tears have little to do with him. Or at least, he assumes so, considering you still haven’t spotted him.

He approaches deliberately, power sizzling between his fingers. He told you what will happen if you wander in here again, and while admittedly he’s become rather interested in learning more, it still irks him to see you back.

Waves beat against you as you kneel in the dark sand, the distant rumble of thunder the only sound between you. You know he’s here. He stands before you and waits.

He’s not sure what for, exactly, perhaps for you to plead for your life. To fight, which would be preferable. A challenge is always welcomed.

“Do you have a death wish, girl?” he speaks, at last, having grown bored of waiting.

By this point, your sobbing has subsided into an occasional sniffle and he watches with a degree of interest as your head rises. A large wave washes over your body, making you shiver, and your teeth clench when your eyes meet.

They’re bloodshot but furious and sad too.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you whisper but it’s a dead and hollow thing.

He knows that look. Has seen it plenty of times staring back at him in every reflective surface when he was still a brat. Trapped and unable to leave, wasting away with his stomach in knots and nursing dark bruises. He knows what a wild, trapped thing looks like. He’s spent years being one of them.

He escaped when his Daddy died. He imagines you haven’t been quite so lucky.

He wonders, then, if that’s why you find your way here. If perhaps his Beach recognises that frantic hurt, the restless longing for freedom in you as well.

“Oh, I’ve heard that plenty of times in the past,” he remarks scornfully, raising his arm and watches how power curls through his fingers with that effortless ease he now treasures so fiercely. “Can you guess where they all ended up?”

“I don’t know how I get here,” you mutter instead, but your gaze is cautious, wary. Smart girl. “I’m not doing anything wrong either. I just…come here. It’s peaceful. It’s—”

“An escape?”

Your eyes jump to him in surprise. Teardrops still cling to your lashes, clumping them together. You look like a mess, and he’s inclined to tell you so but before he can, you stagger to your feet. Unsteady but determined.

“I won’t bother you, I promise,” you explain hurriedly, and look like you’re about to take a step towards him but think better of it. “Just—can I please continue coming here?”

Your hopeful eyes try to find his own beneath the mask and he chuckles. It’s a scathing sound and he jumps behind you, making you flinch.

“Let me think about that one,” he drawls lazily, “Hm. Nope. No can do. Go to your own Beach.”

Recoiling, you turn around to stare up at him with a mix of bitter disappointment. Your drenched appearance isn’t doing you any favours in helping you appear more menacing either. Just more miserable.

“I—I can’t.”

“Sweet thing, you’re saying that with a tone that implies I should give a damn, and, uh,” he says, nodding his head from side to side as if in deep thought. “I really don’t. But I’ll bite. Why can’t you go?”

You wring your hands together but halt when you notice his attention drift towards the restless motion. “I…it makes me feel…unwell.”

Oh?

“What’s your DOOMS level?” is his sharp and immediate response.

Your eyes fly up to him and you visibly swallow.

Sore question, huh? He figured it had something to do with your DOOMS level from the start but this as good as confirms it.

“That’s private,” you respond firmly, your eyes regaining some of that sheen from your second meeting, from your fight. “I don’t even know who you are.”

Higgs sighs loudly, spreading his arms to either side of him like he looks forward to welcoming you into his embrace. “I am the owner of this Beach. Which means my rules are at play right now,” he explains and wags his finger at you like you’re a naughty child. In some sense, you are. “And don’t try to lie to me, either. I can sense it. The power that simmers under your skin. Hmm, oh yes. I do believe that I know exactly what ails you.”

Your eyes widen, your lips part in wonder, and it’s almost miserable how full of hope you look in that moment. “You—you do? Tell me.”

“Tsk, tsk, what do I look like to you?” he wonders, gesturing at himself, but doesn’t wait for your reply. “A charitable man? Sorry to disappoint but no dice. Your DOOMS level first.”

The hesitation marring your face is understandable. This world is cruel with those without power, and it is—perhaps—even crueller to those with power. Higgs is starting to piece together a murky image when it comes to you. An image that tells him that you have no idea how to harness that great power lurking deep down. It tells him that DOOMS is eating you from inside out and you have no idea how to cope because no one has shown you how.

Once—no, more than once—he’s been in a similar position. A position of no power, no resources, no future. Of course, that’s before he realised how idiotic it is to hope for a better world. Before he freed himself of the shackles holding him down, binding him to this endless struggle till he eventually dies.

Better raze everything in existence to nothing before he goes out.

“It was Level Six but—”

A whistle slips free and filters through his mask, echoing across the otherwise empty Beach as your eyes narrow. He can’t help but throw his head back and laugh loudly. He jumps to your side and leans closer towards your face.

“My, my,” he coos softly, his words taunting as he ghosts his fingers over your chin. “You’ve grown stronger, haven’t you? Just like me.”

You pull back, a step at the time only, and he can at least respect the fact that you don’t scurry away like a spooked animal. You shouldn’t either. In real life, outside this Beach at least, he imagines you’re powerful enough to cause all sorts of trouble.

Something tells him that others know it too. That’s why his Beach is an escape. Why you’re so desperate to stay.

But why him? And why now?

He turns away from you, dismissive, and steps onto the water. He stays on top of the restless surface and lowers his head to look at his blurred reflection beneath. The golden mask gleams even in the murky mirror.

A mask not for death, he swore to himself once, but for ruling. For life.

He glances back at you. You stand shivering and wary on the shore, and he snorts under his breath. Miserable, but powerful little thing. Alone too.

Wild and trapped.

“Stay if you will, but I promise you this: you will find no peace here.”

Higgs can tell you’re about to appear approximately five seconds before you actually bloom into existence.

It’s a tickle of power, almost like a hand reaching out and grasping onto him, before you appear in a swirl of black and silver. Your knees fold and you sink onto them, your lips cracked and mouth twisted into an unhappy line.

“You look like shit.”

You don’t say anything in reply to that. You simply breathe. In fact, you inhale so deeply, he reckons your lungs expand to their full capacity. It’s like you haven’t drawn a single breath since the last time he saw you here.

Higgs watches the storm in the distance, his elbows resting on his raised knees as he waits for the swelling waves to finally reach you both.

Your hands drop to either side of you, and your fingers dig into the dark sand desperately. Your relief at being here is palpable, and he would be lying if he didn’t admit to himself that he finds it as irritating as he does fascinating.

His eyes slide unhurriedly across the landscape.

It’s a miserable fucking place.

Dark sand, dark sky, dark water.

Dark as far as the eye can see.

There is nothing about this place that should make you think of safety, of comfort.

The expression on your face says otherwise though.

Your eyes are closed, head tilted upwards, and your inhales and exhales are slow, rhythmical. Peaceful.

“What’s your name?”

When you finally do decide to speak, it’s hardly what he expects or wants. He’s here to observe you only until he can find a way to forcefully expel you from here. He’s already tried last time but failed.

It seems like you’ve lodged yourself into his Beach like a splinter. For now.

“That’s a rather shitty attempt to distract yourself, sweetheart.”

Because that’s exactly what you’re doing. Except he’s not here to give you free therapy for whatever issues you have going on. He has his own shit to handle.

“If you have nothing to hide then why wear a mask?” you wonder instead, and sound genuinely curious. “Does it mean anything?”

“It’s a symbol,” he replies and honestly doesn’t know why. Boredom, probably. “A face is not necessary for my plans. But, oh how humanity will know my name before they’re complete.”

He’s still staring towards the horizon but feels and hears your head turn in his direction. “What plans?”

A chuckle rumbles from deep inside his chest. “The type to give a little girl like you nightmares.”

“I already have nightmares,” you shoot back, and there’s a sliver of ice in your voice that makes his lips curl in amusement beneath the mask. “I told you. You don’t frighten me.”

Of course. He bets your nightmares are almost as bad as his own.

He teleports in front of you, crouching till you’re both facing each other, and his amusement only increases with your shallow—startled—exhale. “Oh yeah? And what haunts your nightmares, girl?”

You stare at him for a long moment, tight-lipped and stubborn, and he wonders if you think he’s buying into your little act. A valiant effort, but redundant.

“You.”

He laughs at that; a dry, unfriendly sound as he pats your cheek in a shallow display of mocking affection. “Good,” he mutters and rises to his feet. “I can live with that.”

Higgs does feel some semblance of surprise when you rise to your feet right after him though. “Why won’t you tell me your name? I’m (Name).”

Because he doesn’t want to.

Because you’re wary but brave too.

Because you don’t trust him—perhaps even fear him, despite how you keep insisting otherwise—but not for the reasons everyone else does.

To you, he’s just a man in a mask whose Beach you’ve decided to hijack.

There is, admittedly, a certain degree of freedom when it comes to that ignorance on your part.

The less you know, the better. It’s not like you will be coming here for much longer anyway. He will make sure of it.

Perhaps, he can indulge in that ignorance for a little bit longer in the meantime.

“I don’t care.”

Before he disappears, he could swear he hears a chime of weak laughter follow, but the sound is ripped away from him by the jump.

Beach Log #2

Maybe I should have killed her when I first saw her intruding.

Of course, that thought crossed my mind. I’m me.

Truth be told—and ain’t that a kicker—I’m not sure why I didn’t when I had the chance. Now the girl has gone ahead and made herself interesting. Just peachy.

She is powerful though. And she could be useful.

If the Last Stranding is to pass as I hope, I may need some triumph cards at my disposal. The girl—(Name)—is untapped power potential. I wager she’s even more powerful than Fragile. Ha. Just my luck.

She has that look in her eyes that I like too. A wild thing ready to break free.

Her body is weak though. Power always comes at a price, I would know. DOOMS is a poison she has no idea how to deal with, and I have a feeling someone is purposely keeping her crippled, dependant. Disgusting. But with the right encouragement…

She might become mighty yet.

If not, I will kill her. She knows too much and has access to my Beach. I can’t have loose ends. Fragile is bad enough.

She reminds me of myself though. It almost makes me hope she doesn’t disappoint.

. . .

an: I’m trash and I will never change. I do have plans for more (since this is only a small part of the longer narrative I planned to write) so if you guys would like to see more, let me know! We’re all thirsty for goth Troy Baker and honestly who can blame us? Thank you for reading!

#higgs x reader #death stranding #higgs monaghan x reader #death stranding fic #higgs monaghan #troy baker #death stranding higgs #fic: distant shores series

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builtonashes · 5 years

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Lost It All

So I’m FINALLY done with this Higgs x Reader story where I managed to combine a few prompts I got here on Tumblr. It’s pretty long, but I do like the way it turned out! Please tell me what you think :)

Pairing: Reader (F) x Higgs Monaghan

Rating: E

Word count: 15 028 (!), 18 467 in the final version

AO3 link: here

WARNING! This is a previous version of the story. An updated (and much longer) one is available under the AO3 link. I’m leaving the first version here to let you compare them yourself should you want to do that! All the changes are fitted into chapter 2 on AO3 so that you don’t have to go through the entire thing again of you don’t want to.

You hated this. You hated the weather, you hated the temperature, you hated the fact that it was getting late and that you were still far away from your shelter. Did you mention that you hated the weather? Well, now that you did the timefall got even heavier. Be careful what you wish for, you guessed, sighing and adjusting your backpack. There was nowhere to rest or hide from the rain so the only way for you right now was forward.

It was during times like these that you regretted the fact that your shelter has not yet been connected to the chiral network. No timefall shelters, no bridges, no structures at all. Just some rocks and an ever expanding MULE territory. If it wasn’t for your job, you would have moved to one of the Knot Cities a long time ago. Unfortunately your research demanded a very specific climate and a very specific location. Which was both your doom and the best thing to happen to you as you were at least left alone, but then every single time you needed resources or instruments you had to get them on your own. Usually on foot and usually under the worst imaginable weather.

Ever since Sam Porter Bridges connected most of the facilities in America to the UCA, it was getting harder to avoid MULEs. Their camps kept moving unpredictably and they were constantly adjusting the type of weapons they used. You were lucky to avoid them during your expeditions as you usually travelled light; unfortunately there were more and more news about your colleagues getting ambushed and robbed, usually not even remotely close to the MULE territory. It made your heart skip a beat every time you heard an unknown noise, even if it was just an animal passing you by. You already filed for a contract with a porter company a while ago as they were much better equipped to handle such situations, but no single one wanted to take it as the deliveries were unevenly spaced and relatively rare. Therefore most of the equipment you needed you actually had to pick up yourself. It didn’t help that the equipment you needed for your research was very valuable. You were actually hoping that the MULEs were stupid enough to not realize what your company’s researchers were carrying. The chiral transmitters didn’t look valuable, but if disassembled into parts they could fetch insane prices on the black market. You knew this, the other researchers knew this; hopefully, the MULEs didn’t.

Coming back from Mountain Knot City you didn’t have far to travel, but you did have to do some hiking. You actually liked the fact that your shelter was located in a very remote location. It was quiet and really hard to find if you didn’t know where to look. The proximity of caves and passages was also something that worked to your advantage. It was incredibly easy to get lost, slip and fall or take a wrong turn and end up in a completely different place. Of course you knew the paths by heart and it always made you laugh at all your guests trying to locate the lab and cursing for a few minutes after they arrived. You wanted to put up some signage at some point but dropped the idea pretty fast. It was one of your only sources of amusement during your working hours.

You decided to think about the good things. In an hour or so you’ll finally be able to dig into the sweets Heartman sent you as a thank you gift. You noticed gingerbread cookies, candy, caramel fudge and shortbread. You were right to leave those for later. Now you had something to look forward to.

You could almost see the path leading to the first of the intersections you had to pass when the rain almost stopped. A few drops here and there, but at least it was easier to see now. You were just about to turn left and pass one of the meadows when something caught your eye. A movement; normally your instincts would tell you to expect some kind of a forest animal, but there was no wildlife here; timefall got rid of it very effectively. You had to learn to not trust your instincts anymore. You suddenly felt blood rush to your head, filling your ears with a slow thrum of your own heartbeat. There was a sudden weight in your stomach slowly giving way to panic. Was someone here? Who could it be? Were you supposed to run? Or maybe try to hide?

Unfortunately, before you were able to make the decision you heard a swoosh of air and noticed an electric rod dig into the ground right next to you with a loud thump. You felt a jab of searing pain in your left leg, traveling all the way up to your knee. You tried willing your body to run, but the only thing you managed to do was fall over with dreaded realization that you couldn’t move. You couldn’t move your legs, you couldn’t move your hands. Apparently this time it was you the MULEs decided to ambush.

Your theory was confirmed in a few seconds as two strangers in very distinctive jumpsuits approached you, lifting you up by the arms and watching you closely. You closed your eyes shut, trying to calm down a little. There was no use in panicking. They already had you; the only way you could get out of this was by thinking smart.

„What do we have here?”, came a low, amused voice, forcing you to open your eyes. „Looks like it’s our lucky day, boys. I suggest we take her stuff it for safekeeping. What do you think?”

Two other men approached and ripped your backpack off your back. Going through your stuff, they discarded everything they didn’t need on the ground and finally found what they were looking for. The instruments were taken out with a loud aha! and quickly stowed away in one of the man’s vast pockets. You suddenly felt a hand tighten around your wrists, twisting them behind your back.

„What else do you have there, miss?”, the guy asked, the tone of his voice weirdly excited. „Apparently following you was a good decision. We were hoping to find maybe one of those expensive ass transmitters, but two? Almost like Christmas coming early this year.”

Well, that was it for hoping that the MULEs didn’t know how valuable your equipment was. You stood silently, trying to even out your breaths so that you wouldn’t hyperventilate. Your legs were still very weak, but you had no idea whether it was because of the electrocution or because of the pain. Your head was spinning and you felt nauseous. What were they going to do to you? The MULE’s grip on your wrists tightened even more, bordering on painful.

„You already have my stuff,” you whispered through gritted teeth, trying to take your mind away from the pain. „I don’t have anything else that could be useful to you.”

„Well, that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart,” the MULE’s voice suddenly gained an undertone that made you feel very uncomfortable. „You see, we don’t have many visitors. Why don’t we have some fun before we let you go, huh? What do you say?”

You turned your head to look at the man right next to you. Tall, well-built, with a strong grip. There was no way you could overpower him. One good thing was that they were not going to kill you, not wanting to risk a voidout. Then again… there were so many other things they could have done to you it almost made you throw up. Unfortunately, you were still not able to move your legs. There was no way you were going to run.

You suddenly felt a stray tear fall down your cheek. The stress was getting to you. Your stomach felt like a tight, ice-cold knot and you could still feel the excruciating pain in your muscles. All these years with no incidents, all these comfortable years when you somehow felt invincible. And now this. They could do anything they wanted and there was no way for you to fight back. You were a scientist, for fuck’s sake - how were you supposed to oppose a group of men armed to the teeth?

Apparently it was only going to get worse.

The first hit to your face was hard and painful, immediately making your eyes water even more. You gasped, trying to move away, but the hold they had on your wrists was very powerful. The second blow was aimed at your stomach and sent you kneeling down on the ground. That was when you heard three vicious laughs right next to you and a new voice, a little higher than the last one.

„Just how I like them; on their knees and with nowhere to run,” the man said, moving closer and standing right in front of you. „Maybe we should take her to our camp? What do you think?”

„Dunno, boss,” an answer came from behind. „Too much trouble, I think.”

„Yeah, you’re probably right. Besides, we have a few other deliveries to catch.”

The sudden sharp pull on your hair made you gag, the boss’ hand bringing your face upwards to look you in the eyes. You couldn’t see him underneath the entire suit, but the urge to throw up was almost overwhelming.

„Gonna tell me your name, sweetheart?” - he asked, tightening the grip on your hair.

You shook your head. It would be too easy for them to target your friends if they knew who you were. You also knew that you were a terrible liar, so there was no use trying to come up with a random name just to give them something.

„As you wish,” the man said in a sing-song voice and raised his fist to hit you again. „Or maybe? Hm?”

You didn’t say anything and braced for another blow you could almost see coming. When the man’s gloved hand connected with your face you could swear there was something in there that tore the skin of your left cheek. And if that wasn’t enough, you could feel blood running down your nose, painting your mouth red.

„Nevermind then. We don’t need her conscious, now do we, boys? What would you say if I…”

He was suddenly cut short by something you were too exhausted to notice, your eyelids feeling too heavy to open fully. But there was movement; it was fast, chaotic, and there was a voice saying something you couldn’t understand. What you did manage to notice however was that there was a sudden release of both your wrists and hair, resulting in you falling to the ground again. Still unable to move your body, but able to twist your neck, you saw a flurry of black and red, painted with a little of orange signifying the MULEs’ jumpsuits. It was just a few minutes before you heard footsteps approaching, automatically flinching at the sound. What just happened? BTs? Another group of MULEs? You squeezed your eyes shut, not knowing what to expect, but bracing for pain nonetheless. When no blows came, you decided to slowly open your eyes.

„Hey, you alright?” The man approaching you crouched next to you and looked at your face. When he moved closer you saw him too; dirty and a little banged up, with a mouth crooked upwards in a smile. „I swear if I see those bastards here again I’m going to kick them to the nearest Beach. You have no idea how much they irritate me.”

Did this man… save you? Or was he just trying to take your cargo for himself? You tried to move, your body still in a lot of pain. It was hard to talk.

„Wh… Who…?”

„Oh, who am I? Just a random passer-by. I keep wandering those mountains and looking for… stuff. And I really don’t like these guys fucking with random hikers.”

You grunted, spitting out blood and finally managing to move enough to lay on your back. The relief was much greater than you initially thought if would be, but the searing pain was still there, making you shiver uncontrollably and intensifying the dizziness. „You… saved my… life-” you wanted to say, but he interrupted you immediately.

„Well, they wouldn’t’ve killed you, darling,” he moved even closer to you and reached out with his gloved hands, wiping the blood from your face with his thumb. „Okay, now you look almost like a regular human being, but this cheek is gonna need stitches. Anyway, I’ve seen those guys do some nasty stuff to the people they ambush. Now don’t get me wrong. They wanna steal, I’m not gonna care. But this, I don’t want to see on my watch.”

You closed your eyes and felt the adrenaline leaving your body. Suddenly the pain was almost as unbearable as the fatigue. You started wondering how you were going to get back to your shelter.

„Fuck, it hurts,” you sighed, gritting your teeth.

„I can imagine,” the man said, sitting down on the ground right next to you. „Hey, I have a favor to ask. Do you live far?”

„No… not really.”

„Great. I’ll help you get there. Looking at your company tag, you probably have some food and a place for me to crash for a while. You think you could help me out, darling?”

Every single cell of your being screamed no, you have no idea who that man is, don’t trust him, but on the other hand, he did save you from the MULEs. It was the least you could do to pay him back.

„Fine,” you said, opening a direction map on your cufflink; the action almost seemed impossible in your current state. You could feel your head swimming again and your vision was beginning to darken. „Let’s go… before the rain gets worse.”

„Sure thing.”

Before you even had the time (or strength, for that matter) to protest, he picked you up and started carrying you with an it’ll be faster that way thrown carelessly in the air between you. The last thing you were able to notice before you threw up and then passed out was that he was also carrying the chiral transmitters the MULEs stole from you.

***

You woke up with a dull headache, opening your eyes seeming impossible at first. Where were you? What happened? You did have some recollection of the most recent events, but definitely not all of them. You remembered your way home from Mountain Knot City, the MULE attack… oh, and the strange man who saved you from those idiots.

Forcing yourself to open your eyes, you noticed that you were in your own shelter. In your own bed. Everything hurt like crazy, something pulling at your cheek and your jaw feeling incredibly swollen. You tried to move your legs and almost, almost made it when you heard a shuffle of fabric and noticed the stranger suddenly standing next to you.

He was taller than you remembered.

„Good morning, sunshine,” he chimed, leaning over you and looking you in the eyes. „How are we feeling today? You slept for an entire day, you know. You have no idea how bored I was.”

You tried sitting up a little, just to be able to talk to him more comfortably. A day? Your head was wrapped in bandages, some strange gel covering your leg. What the hell happened here?

„Wh… how…”

„Don’t try talking yet, darling. You’re still exhausted. I patched you up the best I could, so you’re probably going to live. Oh, and your friend Heartman called. I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want him to freak out. By the way, what kind of a stupid name is that?”

Heartman called? Oh God. He was probably worried sick by now.

Sitting up a little with your back resting against the pillows, you moved your hand up and noticed purple bruises where your cufflink was. Probably from the strong grip those bastards had on your wrists. Only then did you realize how lucky you actually were that nothing worse happened to you.

„Alright,” you sighed, not really able to think as fast as you would’ve like to. „Thank you. Really. Have you been here all this time?”

Instead of answering, the man reached for a bottle of water and a straw, moving it up to your face. You caught the straw greedily between your lips and even though you knew it wasn’t wise to drink this much this fast, you didn’t care. You were so thirsty.

„Yes,” the man answered, sitting on the bed right next to you. You were finally able to take a better look at him. „It’s actually pretty cozy here. And warm. And I was right about you having food. By the way, I ate most of it.”

The man was tall and well-built, currently wearing a black t-shirt and cargo pants. You noticed a few scars on his arms and hands. His hair was a mess and he apparently hasn’t shaved in the last few days, but he still looked… friendly? Well, definitely not as someone who could hurt you. The look in his blue eyes made a very different impression though.

With the water doing wonders for your sore throat, you were finally able to focus your thoughts a little more.

„Who are you?” You asked, leaning back into the pillows.

„Do you really want to know?” His tone was playful. Why was it playful?

„Well, you spent all this time here and patched me up, so I guess I could at least get to know your name.”

He seemed hesitant. Placing the now empty water bottle on the ground, he shifted uncomfortably.

„I’m not… the most desired person to be around right now, you know.”

„So I’ve guessed. But don’t worry, anything you say here is safe with me. I owe you that much.”

He shifted again, suddenly moving his gaze away from you.

„Alright. It’s not like you weren’t going to find out anyway. My name is Higgs. Higgs Monaghan.”

You blinked twice, expecting him to say that it was a joke. But he didn’t. If he really was who he was saying he was, you let the most dangerous man in the world into your home. Very smart, Y/N. Very smart.

But then again, if he wanted to hurt you or abuse you in any way, wouldn’t he already have done so? Something was wrong here.

„That Higgs Monaghan? Weren’t you supposed to be dead? Or, I don’t know, exiled or something?”

He moved his head, looking at you again. There were so many conflicting emotions lingering on his face that you had no idea how to read them.

„Well, that didn’t really work out,” he shrugged. „Although I am exiled in a way, you know. Anyway, I won’t be too much of a bother. I promise. I’m just going to crash here for the next few days and leave, and you’re never going to see me again.”

„Wait,” you said, trying to follow his train of thought. „So that’s all you want? A place to crash?”

„Uhh, yeah. I don’t really… have anywhere to go now, you know. And I figured that you might help me if I helped you. So I jumped in when those nasty MULEs were trying to hurt you. I guess it was kinda selfish of me, huh?”

You sat in silence for a few moments, trying to figure out how to respond. Higgs, the terrorist and cold-blooded killer, sitting on your bed, definitely not acting like the monster you heard he was.

Something was not right here. Was he… playing you? Maybe he was planning to take you hostage? Your brain immediately started coming up with so many different scenarios your head started to hurt. You had to do something, something that would make you feel safe.

„Alright,” you said after a while, closing your eyes again to try and control the headache. „I have to call Heartman. He’s going to worry.”

„Have fun then. I’ll be on the couch, eating.”

You watched with disbelief as he stood up and left the room, hearing him sit down on your couch in the space you liked to call your living room. Not like it resembled one at all, but you liked to have this distinction. Suddenly, you felt even more uneasy. This man was in your house, in your room. It was no longer your private, personal space. What was he trying to do? Did he have any hidden agenda? You were hoping to observe his reaction to your mention of needing to call Heartman, but he didn’t seem to care. So probably not a hostage. Maybe he was actually telling the truth.

Maybe he was just as lost as the rest of the world.

You opened a connection on your cufflink. Heartman picked up after half a beep.

„Y/N, Gods, I was worried sick!”, you heard him say on the other side and suppressed a chuckle. „What happened? Where were you? Why did I get those weird biometric readings?”

„It’s nice to talk to you too,” you smiled, the motion making you flinch with pain due to your cheek injury. „Before I tell you anything, I just want you to know that I’m fine.”

„What are you talking abo-”

„I was attacked by MULEs,” you said quickly, not really wanting to get into another long discussion about the need to monitor every single activity of all people who work on the network. „But I’m fine. A little bruised, but I’ll live.”

„What-how-I’m sending a medical team to you right away-”

„Stop,” you could almost imagine the scowl he would make at that. „Do I need to remind you that we only have one medical team at our disposal? I suggest you don’t bother them every single time I get a bruise. They might, you know, actually be needed somewhere.”

You heard Heartman sigh. He knew you were right. On the other hand, you also knew that he always worried about his fellow scientists.

„Alright,” he said, defeat obvious in his voice. „But please promise me that you’re going to call me if you need anything. And send me the coordinates so I can send an investigation team to secure the area.”

„I will. Now please stop worrying. I just have to rest for a while and I’ll be good as new.”

„Only if you really rest, you know. Not get to work right away,”

„I know, I know. But you really don’t need to worry. I know I have to take it easy every once in a while.”

„I hope you do. I’ll call you again in a few hours to make sure.”

„Well, I can’t promise I won’t be sleeping then.”

„Or working.”

„I love you too.”

You ended the connection and sat back on the pillows. It really did take a huge toll on you to pretend that you were feeling better than you actually were. Your muscles hurt, your head was spinning and you were pretty sure there were burns on your leg because of the electrocution. At least it felt that way. Not to mention that you could feel the stitches pulling every single time you moved your jaw.

Higgs came back into the bedroom, carrying something with him.

„I brought you something to eat,” he said, eyeing the package carefully. „But I’m not sure how to serve this.”

You glanced to the right, noticing what he was holding.

„You… have to boil it first,” it was beginning to get harder and harder to talk.

He approached you with a weird expression on his face.

„I’m… not sure I understand. How do I boil it?”

„You know. The usual way. You boil water, put the contents in the pot and add some spices. And a spoonful of butter. Then you boil it some more.”

„Wait… what?” His expression changed to puzzled and you realized he had no idea what you were talking about.

„Nevermind,” you sighed, the pain in your back getting worse and worse. „I probably wouldn’t be able to eat it anyway. There’s some protein bars in one of the cupboards. Do you know how to make tea or is that too much for you?”

„Hey! No need to be rude!”

„Sorry. I’m just… it really hurts, you know.”

His features softened a little and he sighed too.

„Okay. I’ll be right back.”

You slumped down on the pillows again and tried to regulate your breathing. Your legs did not only hurt, now they were starting to itch. Maybe you should try and get up just so you could make sure Higgs used the proper medicine.

You moved your entire body to the left and tried moving your legs too to let them dangle from the bed. It hurt like hell, but then again it wasn’t because of the pressure, so you figured it wouldn’t get worse if you placed your feet on the floor and tried to get up.

Unfortunately you were very, very wrong.

The second you pulled yourself up you fell down hard, hitting the floor with a loud thud and the fall resulted in a cascade of pain travelling between your legs and your chest. Suddenly it got hard to breathe. You got scared and felt tears well up in your eyes, constricting your airway even further. Still, before you managed to make any additional sound Higgs was by your side, lifting you up and placing you back on the bed. As soon as you were laid flat again, the suffocating feeling disappeared.

„Seriously, can’t you just lay still for a moment? You’re really badly hurt. You’re not supposed to be moving.”

„I know… I just…” you hated how weak your voice sounded. „I thought…”

„Just stay here, okay? You’ll be back up in no time, but you can’t rush it. Which reminds me, I have to change the dressing on your face. But that can wait until you’re done eating.”

He actually brought you one of the protein bars and some fresh brewed tea. You tried taking it easy with the bar, knowing that you literally won’t be able to stomach it if you ate it too fast. You had to admit that the meal actually made you feel a lot better.

„Thank you,” you said, feeling much warmer and a little stronger. „I’m sorry for being an idiot. I won’t do that again.”

„Good. Now sit up so I can redress that wound.”

You were surprised with the swiftness of his moves when he took off the old dressing, cleaned the area of the wound and placed new gauze on top of your skin. You didn’t fail to notice that he actually knew what he was doing. It made you a little less concerned about the state of your legs.

„Does it look bad?” You asked, looking away from his face.

„Not really,” he said, collecting the used gauze from your bed. „It probably won’t even leave a scar. I had to put two stitches in, but if you don’t fumble with it then you have nothing to worry about.”

Two stitches. In your face. Great.

„Thank you.”

You didn’t have a lot of energy to talk more than that, so you laid back down and decided to take it easy. You noticed Higgs leaving for the living room again, heard him sit down on your couch again and slowly drifted into dreamless sleep.

Maybe it would really do you good to just take it easy for a while.

***

The next few days were a blur, consisting mostly of sleep, eating, taking care of your injuries and Higgs washing your skin with a damp cloth. You were not really comfortable with him taking off your shirt and pants to do that, but you had to admit you were grateful for his help, especially since you were in no condition to just get up and take a shower. He would submerge the cloth in warm water, sit down next to you on the bed and wipe the sweat and blood off your body.

„How long are you planning to stay here?” You asked during the third session, trying to take your mind off the fact that you didn’t really like strangers touching you, especially in such a vulnerable state.

„I don’t know,” he answered, not looking at your face. „Probably a few more days. I’ll wait until you can take care of yourself. But I can leave now if you want me to.”

You did and you didn’t. You had to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to, but then again it was Higgs, a mass-murdering terrorist with strange powers that you couldn’t even begin to understand. And yet he did nothing to scare you so far. You figured he would’ve hurt you a long time ago if that’s what he was after. Apparently that was not the case.

„It’s fine,” you said, trying to adjust your position so that your back wouldn’t hurt as much. „I just… I don’t really understand what you’re doing here.”

„Mostly reading,” he answered with a silent chuckle. „But yeah, you probably have quite a lot of questions regarding what my plan is. Allow me to explain then. I have no plan. I’m just trying to find a new place for myself now that I’m no longer the herald of death.”

You blinked.

„Excuse me?”

„The extinction entity cut me loose. BRIDGES found and destroyed my hideout. I made so many enemies that it’s probably not a good idea to live close to other people. I’m sure that if you told BRIDGES where I am they would immediately hunt me down. So yeah, I guess I owe you one too. For not telling them, that is.”

You haven’t even thought about that, but now that he said it, it made perfect sense. One message or one phone call and they could be here in half an hour. But it’s not like it would be of any use.

„Why would I do that? You would probably just kill everyone, me included, and all my work would disappear in a voidout.”

He snorted.

„Yeah, I probably would.”

Something was off in his voice, but you decided not to pry any further. You couldn’t help but feel that the conversation was turning dangerous.

In a week the pain in your legs finally got bearable and you could stand up to take a shower. Higgs helped you get to the bathroom, holding one strong arm around your shoulders. You were surprised to notice that he was actually rather skinny - something you were not able to notice with all the clothes he was wearing. He left you by the door and returned to the couch, looking tired. Passing by the living room you noticed discarded wrappers, empty bags of crisps and sweets, but no plates or bowls of actual food. It puzzled you a little, but the thoughts left you as soon as you entered the shower and finally let the warm water run down your skin.

It wasn’t easy to move your arms and your body in general, but you managed somehow, washing yourself the best you could. It was amazing to finally feel clean, to finally be able to wash your hair. There were burn marks on your legs, a few leftover bruises and the still-healing cut on your cheek, but you had to admit it wasn’t that bad. It could’ve been a lot worse. You shook your head, trying not to think about what the MULEs were planning to do to you. You were fine. You were going to be fine, because he helped you. Even if he only did it because of his own selfish reasons, there was no denying that he basically saved you.

You suddenly felt wrong, not really being able to pinpoint the reason why.

When you put on some clean clothes and returned to the living room, you were surprised to see Higgs laying on the couch, curled up in a fetal position under a blanket, asleep. Now that you had more time, you took a better look at him. There was only one word coming to mind looking at him then. Vulnerable. Pale skin, bags under his eyes. What was the deal with this guy? From what you heard, he was supposed to be the most powerful human being on the entire planet.

You sat down next to him, trying to not wake him up. He shifted under the blanket, murmuring something under his breath. It was only then that you noticed a digital notepad laying on the table in front of you. It wasn’t yours, so it must’ve been him who left it there. Without giving it much thought, you reached out and grabbed it with your right hand, careful not to move too much both because of the pain and the fact that you didn’t really want him to know that you were going through his stuff. Still, it looked like he was working on it, so maybe it was going to give you some answers. Especially since he left it unlocked.

You noticed a few files on the desktop, all named using dates. You clicked the one featuring today’s one. When you noticed that it was just a wall of text, you decided to close it, but something stopped you. The title.

It was a journal.

Higgs was writing a journal.

You sent a quick glance his way to make sure that he was still sleeping. There was no movement from his side, so you decided to read through it.

You would have never expected to read what you did.

You’re all alone now. You’ve lost everything. Your mask, her quipu, the BB doll… gone.

You thought you had the power, that you were the one fated to lead them unto extinction… yet here you are, alone. You thought you were in control. That this was your role, your dream… The verge of victory, of oblivion for one and all… Herald, executioner, pawn. God particle? Hah. A stupid name for a stupid goddamn fool.

This was your life, Higgs. Your tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and righteous fury…

Signifying nothing.

You stared at the notepad, trying to wrap your head around what you just read. What was that supposed to mean? Was this what he meant by cut loose by the extinction entity? Or maybe…

Your train of thought was abruptly stopped by a hand snatching the notepad away from you. You screamed in surprise as Higgs was immediately upon you, hands pinning you down to the couch, one on your chest, one on your neck. Anger was burning in his eyes.

„You should not have done that,” he whispered through gritted teeth, face inches away from yours. „You really should not have done that.”

He squeezed hard, blocking your airway, bringing tears to your eyes.

God, why were you so damn stupid.

„I’m… sorry…” you wheezed, trying to take a breath, but his grasp got even tighter. „I didn’t… know…”

„Of course you didn’t,” he spat, his expression even more angry. „You think I did?”

Tears were falling down your face now, not allowing you to speak anymore. So this is it, you thought. Curiosity always kills the cat. And you were going to die here, Higgs was going to kill you with his bare hands, your shelter will be destroyed in a voidout and that would be it. Your life and research gone with a snap of his fingers.

And then, suddenly, his hands let go and he pulled away from you.

The breath you took felt like something that could rupture your lungs, burn through your entire body with the sheer force of your constricting muscles. But it didn’t. It left you gasping for more air, your neck hurting and bruised, incredibly painful. You blinked a few times to chase the tears away, wheezing as your body desperately pleaded for more oxygen. You moved away, sitting up instinctively, trying to protect yourself from the man in front of you. But he was just sitting there, a shadow of defeat present on his face.

It made your chest hurt once again, but this time it was an entirely different feeling.

„I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice coarse from the assault. „You’re right. I shouldn’t have touched your stuff.”

He didn’t answer. He just slumped on the couch, back under the blanket, turning away from you.

„It’s fine,” he said after what felt like hours, resignation obvious in his voice. „It’s not like it matters now anyway.”

You didn’t know what to do. What were you supposed to say? What were you supposed to do? You had so many questions, but there was no way to ask them now. You didn’t want to make him angry, but there was obviously something wrong, something that made you think he wasn’t really the man he was said to be, at least now. Something that made you think he might’ve been through more than you and that he didn’t just look defeated.

He was defeated.

You stood up, massaging your neck and making your way into the kitchen. You needed some food to help you think. By the looks of your living room, he needed some real food too, so you decided to make something that would actually be both good and nutritious.

Going through your fridge, you were glad to see that most of your groceries were still good to go. You still had some vegetables from the timefall farm, some rice, some frozen chicken. Apparently Higgs only dug into your supply of protein bars and junk food. You felt a shiver run down your spine when you thought about his eating habits. Well, he still saved your life. And you were an idiot to look into his notepad, yes, but you could at least try and make it up to him somehow. You didn’t want to make him think that you weren’t grateful.

Although it might have been too late for that.

When you were done with the preparations you put the rice, the chicken and the vegetables into two bowls and went back into the living room. Higgs was awake, sitting on the couch and clicking frantically on his notepad. You felt another shiver, but suppressed it quickly and approached the couch, sitting down right next to him.

„Here,” you said, offering him one of the bowls. „I made some food.”

He looked at the bowl, a puzzled expression on his face.

„You’re not trying to poison me, are you?”

„No Higgs, I’m not. Eat. You could use some actual food.”

„I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

„Protein bars and crisps are not actual food.”

„Maybe for you.”

You were glad to notice that he was back to his usual demeanor, not sulking under the blanket. You took it as a good sign. He took the bowl from you and started eating, eyeing the first spoonful carefully.

„It’s not going to bite you.”

„Very funny,” he said, swallowing down a particularly big portion of vegetables. „Oh.”

„What?”

„It’s… it’s really good.”

You’ve never seen anyone eat so fast before. He devoured the entire bowl in what felt like seconds while you were still on your second bite. He must have noticed the surprise on your face, so he smiled a little and carefully put the bowl back on the table.

„There’s more if you want.”

„Yes please.”

He ate another serving of the meal just as fast, his look turning into disappointment when he was done. Ultimately he ended up eating another portion and only then did he finally seem sated.

„I take it that you liked it.”

„It was amazing,” he said, making you chuckle. „Really. It was the best meal I ever had.”

„Well, I’m glad. I need to rest now. Cooking was more exhausting than I thought, but the food made me feel better too.”

You sat on the couch for a while longer, Higgs looking weirdly confused. Apparently he wanted to say something more. So you just sat there looking at him until he finally sighed.

„I’m sorry,” his voice was soft, no angry undertone present anymore. „I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I just… I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t planning on showing this to anyone. I guess I just had to let it out of my system somehow.”

You got more comfortable on the couch, your legs starting to hurt again. He moved, making more space for you.

„I know,” you said after a while. „We can agree it never happened if you promise not to do it ever again.”

„I promise,” he answered immediately, a pleading look on his face. „I do. I don’t want to hurt you.”

You smiled.

„Good,” you said, the stress and worry dissipating a little bit. „And I promise I’m never going to touch anything that belongs to you without your permission.”

„Thanks.”

„But we can talk about it if you want. About what’s bothering you so much, I mean. Maybe it’ll make you feel… better.”

He sighed again.

„There’s nothing to talk about. I’m done and it’s all over. Everything is gone. There’s nothing I can do or change in that matter.”

You moved a little to massage your legs. The muscles were still sore and you felt very weak. Starting with your feet, you moved upwards, kneading your calves carefully.

„Alright. I’m not going to pry. But I want you to know that you can talk to me. It’s the least I can do.”

„You already did more than enough,” he ran his hand through his hair. „Here, let me.”

You stopped moving and looked at him, puzzled.

„What?”

„You’re tired. Let me massage your legs for you. Sit back and relax.”

You were surprised with his offer, but did as you were told. Straightening your back to lay against the pillows on the couch, you extended your legs and he started massaging your left foot. It felt much better than your own hands, still weak and tired from an entire week of just laying down.

It was actually a very pleasant feeling.

„You don’t have to do this.”

„I want to. Shut up.”

Relaxing into the couch a little more, you groaned with disbelief and decided to just let it go. You sat like that for a few minutes, Higgs massaging your legs carefully and you feeling better and better with every passing minute.

„I guess it would do me good if I actually walked for a bit,” you said after a while, moving your legs away and placing your feet on the ground. „I do have to get stronger. I have to get back to work. Which reminds me… I think I noticed you taking my stuff back from the MULEs.”

„Ah, yes. I left these weird things by your bed. One might be broken though.”

„Doesn’t matter. I can always repair it. Making a new one would probably be… impossible,” you sighed, standing up and stretching. „Anyway, I guess I’ll try to slowly get to work. I’ll be in my study if you need me.”

„Study?”

„Yeah, this tiny room over there. I have my desk and instruments there. I’m gonna go through my calendar and figure out what I have to do.”

„Okay, but try not to overwork yourself. I’m not carrying you back to the bedroom.”

You snorted.

„I may not look like it, but I’m actually pretty resilient, you know.”

„Oh, that you are. But you’re also pretty stupid sometimes, so I’m saying it just in case.”

You rolled your eyes and left the living room, taking the chiral transmitters from the bedroom and placing them on the desk in your study. You were right; one was broken, but it wasn’t anything you won’t be able to fix.

Still, you figured it might be a good idea to give Heartman another call.

„Hey there,” you said as soon as your cufflink connection went through. „Just wanted to report that I’m feeling much better.”

„That’s great,” the scientist’s voice came from the speaker. He was obviously relieved. „I take it that you were resting?”

„I was, actually. But I think it’s high time I got back to work. I’m bored.”

Heartman laughed. His laugh always made your heart warmer.

„Good, good,” he said, voice soft and sweet as always. „I actually have some good news for you.”

„Go on.”

„We signed a contract with a security company working with BRIDGES. They will be patrolling the area between our settlements, so we won’t have to worry about MULEs any longer. They already started with the patrols too, so you’ll be safe to travel when you get better.”

„Are you saying that because you’re concerned about our safety or because you want to invite me over for tea?”

„Do I really have to choose?”

You both laughed for a while, his words always lightening your mood. Talking to him felt like home. After all, he was the closest thing you had to a family. You didn’t want him to worry about you too much, but being the kind-hearted man he was you knew it was impossible for him to just let this go. So you actually… lied to him a few times. Just so that you didn’t put even more strain on his poor heart.

You talked for a while longer, Heartman giving you updates about his most recent work so that you could jump right in. As soon as you were done, you decided to work on the broken chiralium transmitter first. Your back still hurt a little and your legs would cramp from time to time, but it was nothing you couldn’t live with. Still, you decided that three hours of work was enough and decided to get back to the bedroom and get some sleep.

You were expecting to find Higgs on the couch, minding his own business, but as soon as you entered the living room you noticed that something was off. It was quiet. Lifeless. The room was empty, two bowls you ate out of still on the table. There was no sign of Higgs in the bathroom or your bedroom either. You sat down on the couch, sighing deeply and feeling a sting of guilt in your stomach.

You didn’t expect him to leave so soon.

***

„I have to tell you something.”

You were sitting at a table in Heartman’s lab, a cup of tea in your hand. You left your shelter for the first time since the assault. It felt so long ago that you couldn’t believe it has just been a little over a month, especially since almost all of your injuries were perfectly healed by then.

„Oh?” Heartman’s tone was inquisitive, curious. „What’s that?”

„About the attack. I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

You noticed his expression shift into concern.

„What are you talking about?”

You reached for a gingerbread cookie and chewed on it, trying to find the right words.

„Can you promise me that it’s going to stay between us? I don’t want BRIDGES all over this.”

„Of course,” Heartman activated his cufflink and cut off all network connections just in case. „Please don’t tell me I have to be worried. Did they… what did they do to you?”

You looked around, following the lights of network switches going offline with your eyes. As soon as the last one was off, you sighed and moved a little closer to the table.

„There was a man,” you started, not really knowing how to put all of this into words; still, you knew you had to talk to someone and Heartman was the only person you trusted wholeheartedly. „He saved me. He took care of me. He brought me back to my shelter, nursed me back to health and disappeared. It has been bothering me ever since.”

Heartman blinked, opening his mouth to speak and closing it back immediately.

„A man? You mean, a stranger?”

„Not really. Well, I had no idea who he was at first, but then he introduced himself and I was sure he wanted to use me as a hostage or something. But he didn’t. He just sat there, saying that he lost everything and that he had nowhere to go, and that…”

„Y/N,” the look in Heartman’s eyes was soft, but also full of worry when he interrupted your sentence. „Who was this man?”

You sighed.

„Higgs Monaghan. It was Higgs Monaghan.”

Heartman’s eyes widened in obvious shock, a visible shiver running down his spine.

„That Higgs Monaghan?”

„Yes.”

„And you didn’t think it might be a good idea to tell me?”

„No, because I was sure that if BRIDGES learned about his whereabouts they would send a small army to hunt him down and he’d just kill everyone and send all my research to hell with a voidout!”

„Alright, alright,” Heartman’s tone changed to apologetic since he realized he might have upset you. „You’re sure it was him?”

„Yes.”

„But you said he took care of you. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would he?”

„I don’t know. He said he figured I could take him in for a few days and that I probably had food. I figured it’s the least I could’ve done to repay him. He did save me from the MULEs, you know.”

Heartman looked puzzled, obviously going through what he just heard in his head.

„I have a hypothesis,” he said after a while. „I already shared it with Sam and Die-Hardman. I think it would make a lot of sense if what you’re saying is true.”

„Meaning?”

„Meaning that we believe Higgs lost his powers after he lost the connection to Amelie. He was supposed to wander the Beach for all eternity, but the extinction entity brought him back to our world. Powerless.”

Suddenly, it all clicked.

„My God, you might be right. I accidentally read his journal and it was… he seemed so defeated. He wrote about being alone, about losing everything. At the time I didn’t understand what it could mean. But God, you can be right.”

Heartman put his cup of tea back on the table and moved his wrist to open something on his cufflink.

„Look,” he said, showing you a chart analyzing a BB doll. „We ran tests on the dolls, actually being able to confirm that they acted as conduits between Amelie and her pawns. Higgs had one just like that. I believe that when Amelie took the doll away from him, he didn’t lose his powers per se, just the connection to the source. But we don’t know how it might affect him. Have you seen him use his powers?”

„No,” you admitted, trying to recall the events of the assault. „I remember MULEs beating me up and some very blurry scenes. I don’t know if it was him attacking them or anything.”

„Well, we must assume that my theory might be true. Still, there is no power source even half as great as Amelie. If he truly did lose it, there’s no way he’s getting it back.”

You suddenly felt your chest tighten with pain. Why would that affect you so much?

Heartman closed the chart and brought his cup of tea back to his lips, taking a long sip.

„Why save me then?” You asked suddenly, rather asking yourself than Heartman.

„There are a few options. One, he figured he might use you somehow. Two, he wanted what you had for himself. Three, he’s actually powerless and lost. Four… all of the above, I guess.”

„What if it’s number three? What if he actually has nowhere to go?”

Heartman straightened his back in the chair, obviously concerned. Not for Higgs though; his concern was for you.

„Well… with all the people currently after him, I don’t really think he has a chance to live much longer. Not after what he’s done. I’m not going to report him to BRIDGES, but I think you should. It’s only a matter of time before they find him.”

„You think they’re going to kill him?”

„I wouldn’t be surprised.”

You wouldn’t have been surprised either. And yet somehow it felt so wrong to judge this man like that.

God, what a mess, you thought. What an actual, fucked up mess.

***

You thought that talking to Heartman might make you feel better; in reality, it made you feel a lot worse.

Coming back to your shelter from his lab you felt your heart growing heavier with every passing second. The thing was, you knew all the things that were said about Higgs. But you also knew this side of him that was so unlike anything you’ve heard. The side where he actually saved your life, for that matter. Even if it was just a coincidence for him, it definitely meant much more for you. You owed him more than you could ever possibly repay and it made you so angry that you will probably never have a chance to even try and return the favor.

Trying to organize your thoughts somehow you didn’t even notice how close you were to your shelter already. Moving along a narrow path leading almost exactly to the entrance, you could’ve sworn you caught yourself mumbling. Stopping for a while to adjust your backpack, you were glad to see that the pathway was actually safe this time. Ever since the BRIDGES patrols started showing up, there were no MULE sightings whatsoever. You stretched, took a few sips of water and continued the walk, trying to calm down and think about work for once.

When you arrived at your shelter it was already getting dark, the evening breeze a little too cold for your liking. It was also pretty foggy, making the valley appear much more ominous than it actually was. You heard the familiar robotic voice informing you that you ID has been recognized and just as you were supposed to enter you heard another sound, one you have actually never heard before.

„WARNING. INTRUDER ALERT. WARNING. WARNING.”

You started looking around frantically, trying to subdue the panic starting to rise in your stomach. Nobody knew you lived there; nobody knew anyone lived there! If your location has been compromised, you would probably have to find a new place. Fuck this. Where was this damn intruder?

You looked around, noticing no change to the surroundings whatsoever. Only then did you notice something weird on the rocks just north of the entrance, a dark smear of some sort. Approaching it carefully and looking more closely, you felt a shiver run down your spine.

It was blood. Fresh blood.

And there was a lot of it.

Too scared to move, you followed the bloody trail with your eyes first. It didn’t start by the rocks, it started much earlier. The problem was that is led directly to the entrance of your shelter. And over there…

You couldn’t believe your own eyes.

There was someone laying there in a pool of blood, wearing heavy boots, a weird cape, cargo pants and… oh my God.

It was Higgs.

Throwing caution to the wind, you were by his side in seconds. Checking for his pulse, you felt incredibly relieved when you found out he wasn’t dead, just very weak. You turned him carefully to see what injuries would cause such massive blood loss, finding three deep cuts on his stomach and leg. It was then that he opened his eyes, face extremely pale, and smiled at you weekly.

„I’m sorry,” you heard him say, his voice barely above a whisper. „I… didn’t know where else to go. But it might have been a bad idea… if I die… I didn’t…”

„Shut up,” you said, feeling tears welling up in your eyes for no apparent reason. „Shut up. Don’t talk. You lost a lot of blood.”

Trying very hard to keep pressure on the wounds, you managed to help him up and then inside, placing him on the bed and removing his clothes immediately. The cuts were bad but it was not the only thing you noticed. There were also bruises and burns all over his body, all of them relatively fresh. You also realized that the fingers in his right hand were broken and that his fingernails were gone. Not really wanting to think about it too much right then, you felt the adrenaline kick in immediately. You needed to help him and you needed to be fast.

You didn’t have a lot of medical experience, but what you did have should be enough. You managed to clean and sew the two deepest cuts, making sure he won’t be losing any more blood. He needed a transfusion though and there was no way he would have been able to tell you what blood type he had. Taking a small sample and waiting for the results you cleaned some of the burns, two of them obviously chemical, covering the wounds with special dressings that were supposed to speed up the healing process. Focusing on his hand, or rather what was left of it, you noticed something else. A few thin, long lines across his wrists, obviously old and well-healed. You ran your fingers along them, noticing how much blood you had on your hands.

„D-don’t,” you heard Higgs say through gritted teeth, „Don’t let d-daddy see, he’s going to hurt me, p-please don’t let him see-”

He was obviously delirious, mumbling under his breath, but the words hit you like a freight train. You realized then that you had absolutely no idea who the man on your bed was and what he has been through. You knew what he did, but you had no idea why he did it. And you were more and more curious with each passing second, so many contradictory facts only messing with your head more.

Now was not the time to think about it though. The blood test was done and you immediately used your terminal to fabricate three blood bags, making sure it was offline for the duration of the process so that nobody could notice you using it for a blood type that wasn’t your own. Hooking Higgs up to the first one, you turned your attention to his hand. Every single finger was broken and apparently his fingernails were torn. Was he tortured? What the hell happened to him?

Cleaning his fingers you realized there would be no way for you to fix them with your medical expertise. Taking a 3D scanner from your study you quickly scanned his left hand, mirrored the image and quickly designed a special two-part cast that would push his bones in place when snapped together. It took ten minutes for your chiral printer to fabricate the design; unfortunately attaching it to Higgs’ hand obviously caused him a lot of pain as he screamed so loud you swore it almost ruptured your eardrums.

„I’m sorry,” you said, placing a hand on his forehead and noticing he was burning up. „It’s okay now. I’m so sorry. I’ll give you something for the pain and some antibiotics soon. Just stay with me, okay?”

„Okay,” he said weekly, looking straight into your eyes. „O… kay.”

There were tears running down the sides of his face. You used your thumbs to wipe them away, suddenly feeling this weird sensation in your throat. Compassion? Hurt? You had no idea. The only thing you did know was that you couldn’t bear the pain so obvious in his gaze, burning through you with intensity you have never experienced before.

You were not going to let him die.

You prepared an IV that was supposed to help him both with the pain and the fever, carefully tapping into one of his veins. When you were done you went through his entire body, checking for additional injuries, luckily not finding anything life-threatening. You could tell some of his ribs were broken though. Unfortunately you didn’t have any equipment to perform a scan, so you quickly placed an order for the Doctor to send you one. And then, four hours later, you were done.

Exhausted and covered in blood, but fucking done.

You sat down on the bed next to Higgs, not even trying to stop the tears from falling anymore. It could have been the chiral allergy for all you knew, or the exhaustion. Or the overflowing feelings you didn’t know how to deal with. You used the back of your hands to wipe the dears away, only realizing that you just smeared blood on your entire face. Perfect. Just what you needed.

You moved a little closer to Higgs, taking a damp cloth and wiping the blood and sweat from his face. He still looked distressed, but at least he wasn’t that pale anymore.

„Y-you need to run,” he said, obviously still delirious, now probably even more due to the meds you had him on. „You need to go. If he finds you… h-he’s going to hurt you too…”

„It’s fine,” you said, pressing your hand to his forehead again. „Nobody’s here but us. You’re safe here. I got you.”

„N-no, you don’t understand,” it made your chest hurt seeing him in such distress. „We’re not allowed… to go outside, he will… kill me this time, he-”

„Nobody’s going to kill you, Higgs. You’re fine. You just need to rest.”

„B-but he will. He will, you have to make sure to hide the bruises… he hates them…”

You had no idea what he was talking about, but it did strange things to you. It made you feel sorry for him. You knew you shouldn’t have felt that way, but you couldn’t have helped it.

So you stood up and left the bedroom, deciding to take a shower and collect your thoughts.

It was going to be a long night.

***

You woke up because of the pain in your neck, trying to move your head to switch to a more comfortable position. It was only then that you realized you were actually sitting down on a chair, arms folded on the bed and your head resting on top of them. Great. As if the soreness wasn’t enough. Why were you here anyway?

The events of the night started coming back to you slowly just as you looked up to see Higgs laying on your bed, blood everywhere, discarded towels and fragments of clothing on the floor. You sighed. It was a hell of a battle. Probably the toughest you ever had to face.

Getting up and taking a better look at him, you were glad to see that he was no longer so pale and that even though his face was still covered with blood and dirt he actually looked peaceful. There was no additional swelling in his hand either. You sighed with relief as a temperature scan revealed that his fever was also going down. No longer running on adrenaline, you felt your stomach do a flip, reminding you that it was high time you ate something. You decided to leave Higgs in peace and went into the kitchen to grab some fruit.

You were tempted to call Heartman then, to talk to him and ask him for advice, but you didn’t want to put this kind of responsibility on him. He’s already done more than enough by keeping your little secret. You also noticed that the urgent order you placed with the Doctor has already arrived at your delivery terminal. Retrieving the package and using the scanner on Higgs immediately you were relieved to see that only two of his ribs were broken and than no organs were damaged. You allowed yourself a deep sigh of relief as you sat down on the bed.

Higgs was asleep. No longer unconscious, but asleep. The meds really did help his pain. His lips were slightly parted, blowing soft puffs of air with every rise and fall of his chest. Without thinking much, you reached out and nuzzled his cheek with the knuckles of your right hand. As soon as you realized what you were doing though you stood up, angry at yourself. You shouldn’t be touching him. You shouldn’t even be close to him before you get to know what’s going on.

You went into the bathroom to retrieve a cloth and a bowl of warm water, coming back to the bed to wash Higgs a little more thoroughly. It was strange to still remember so vividly how he did the exact same thing for you not so long ago. The only difference was that he was in a much worse shape.

When you were done with the washing you gathered the bloody towels, brought back a new pillow and covered Higgs with an additional blanket. Seeing as there was not much more you could have done, you decided to get back to work and just let him rest.

Except there was no way for you to focus right now. Every single time you tried to go back to your research you would find your mind wandering, thinking about the man in your bedroom and about what he said during the night. He was obviously talking about a very specific person that he was sure was going to hurt him. At the beginning he mentioned daddy. Was he really that afraid of his father or was it something he was just remembering? And if it was just memories, why now?

So many questions and not a single answer. You groaned, burying your face in your hands, massaging your forehead. You had no idea what to do. For the first time in your life. It felt like something was happening that was entirely out of control and you hated this type of situations. The worst thing was that you felt like you couldn’t really talk to anyone about it or even ask someone for support. How were you supposed to take care of man who has nearly died? You did have some medical knowledge, yes, but definitely not to that extent. So you decided to just browse through the chiral network to try and find some useful information. Writing down notes and going through some documents from the Doctor, you ultimately didn’t realize how much time has passed when you were done.

You went back to the bedroom to check on Higgs. He was still asleep, looking a lot more comfortable than earlier. You replaced his IV, checked his temperature and sat on the bed again.

Looking at his peaceful expression made you feel uncomfortable. You couldn’t really pinpoint the reason why. You heard so many awful things about this man and yet here he was, looking so… human. You figured Heartman’s theory might have been correct. If he let anyone do this to him, he must’ve been unable to fight back. Maybe he really did lose his powers.

You noticed him stir, murmuring something under his breath. When his eyes opened and he focused his gaze on you, you instinctively tried reassuring him with a smile. He looked so lost and confused that for a while you thought he might not even know where he was.

„Wh…,” he tried to speak, but you hushed him by placing your hand on his cheek.

„Don’t talk,” you said, surprised with the hoarseness of your own voice. „You’re safe. And you’re going to be okay. Just take it easy.”

He blinked a few times, looking around the room. Apparently it was all coming back to him now that he was awake.

„I, uh…”

„You’re in my bedroom, Higgs. I took care of your wounds, so you can say that we’re square now. Do you want something to drink?”

That was when he realized your hand was still on his cheek. He leaned into it gently, closing his eyes and nodding.

„Y… yes.”

„I’ll be right back.”

He must have been both hungry and thirsty at the same time, so you figured water might not be the best choice. Instead you warmed up some almond milk to make sure it would be good for his stomach and at least a little nutritious. You brought a mug back to the bedroom and helped him up a little, adjusting a metal straw just so he could drink comfortably. He drank greedily but you took it as a good sign. Obviously his stomach was able to take it too.

„Thank you,” he said when he was done as you placed the mug on a table behind you. „I… I probably would’ve been dead now if it wasn’t for you.”

„It’s possible,” you said, wiping his mouth with your sleeve. „I’d say you were pretty close. Can you tell me what happened? Who did this to you?”

Higgs sighed, obviously trying to collect his thoughts.

„The MULEs,” he said after a while. „I think they heard that I could no longer use my powers to the extent that I would have liked and decided to, well… set some things straight. Let’s just say that it wasn’t the most pleasant encounter in my life.”

He snorted with something that was probably supposed to be a laugh but went into a coughing fit seconds later. You held him up, placing one hand on the back of his head.

„Believe it or not, but I could tell. How did you manage to escape?”

„Coincidence. A porter was driving through the area and those idiots left me alone to try and get him. So i used the very last ounce of power I still had in me to teleport away from there. Unfortunately, it made me too weak to even be able to walk, but I managed to crawl my way to safety. And then I got here. I figured… if anyone…”

You were waiting for him to finish the sentence, but he never did. So you brought some more warm almond milk from the kitchen and sat next to him again, allowing him to drink at his own pace.

„You figured I would help you,” you said, holding the mug close to his face. „And you were right.”

„I guess I was.”

Silence fell between the two of you, interrupted only by the sound of him swallowing mouthfuls of liquid from the mug.

„So is it true? Did you really lose your powers?”

When he was done drinking he laid back on the bed and sighed.

„It is and then it isn’t. I mean, you see the state I’m in. But on the other hand, I didn’t lose the power itself. I was just cut from the source.”

So Heartman was right, you thought.

„The source being Amelie?”

„Precisely. That pretentious bitch used me and then just threw me away when she no longer needed me. I guess I deserved it though. I wasn’t exactly the kindest person, you know.”

„So it was her pulling all the strings? Fording you to do these things?”

„You can say that,” he sighed again, this time deeper. „She was smart about choosing her minions. I guess that’s what happens when you give unlimited power to someone who’s never had any his entire life.”

So that’s what it was about? Trying to make up for helplessness and the inability to control your own life? You didn’t want to jump to any conclusions yet, but it did seem awfully possible. Especially knowing about Amelie’s role in all of this.

„Alright,” you said, desperate for some answers but not really wanting to exhaust the man any further. „Let me see if your fever has gone down.”

You reached out with your hand to place it on his forehead and something unexpected happened. He flinched. Flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to move away from you. It was just two seconds altogether, but even though you were puzzled at first it ultimately made so much sense. Especially in connection to what he has been saying.

„I’m not going to hurt you,” you said, trying to sound calm. „I just want to touch your forehead. Can I do that?”

Obviously surprised with his own reaction he nodded, eyes wide open and fixated on you. You tried not to think about it too much even though your thoughts were racing.

You only noticed how tense he was when you finally placed the hand on his forehead and felt his body relax under your touch.

„Sorry,” he whispered, flashing you a toothy grin. „Old habits die hard, I guess.”

You didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to ask.

But the pain in your chest was not getting any better.

You eventually did place the hand on his forehead and noticed with relief that he no longer had a fever. Still, what happened shook you up a little and you decided to just leave him alone for a while. You sat down in your study and noticed a message from Heartman with a few files attached.

I just got this from Sam, it said. I think you should see this.

Attached were twenty six parts of what you immediately recognized to be Higgs’ journal.

***

You spent the next few days basically walking on eggshells. You had no idea how to confront Higgs about what you read, especially remembering how angry he got when you read that single entry over a month ago. On the other hand, you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t know. You were such a bad liar. So you kept telling yourself that you were just going to wait for the right moment.

Luckily Higgs was feeling better with every passing day. After a little more than a week he was able to get up from the bed and walk around the shelter on his own. You were also able to remove the stitches from the wounds you sutured and to adjust the cast for better healing of his bones. He was also finally able to eat solid food, eagerly waiting for every single dish you would whip up for him.

One day you decided to make something sweet and maybe get him to talk a little more. You baked a simple cheesecake and brought it into the living room where Higgs was laying on the couch. He sent a puzzled look your way, eyeing the tray you were carrying with curiosity.

„Why does this smell so nice?” He asked, sitting up immediately.

„It’s a cake. They always smell nice.”

„A cake?!”

The excitement in his voice both surprised and amused you. You set the tray down on the table and watched him devour the cheesecake piece by piece. You had to snatch a piece for yourself to even be able to try it at all.

When he was finally done you saw him relax back into the couch, blissful expression on his face as he wiped his mouth with the back of his left hand. You sat back too, figuring it might indeed be a good moment to start a conversation.

„So Higgs,” you started, eyeing his face carefully for any signs of discomfort. „What wre you going to do now?”

He sat up a little, making sure to keep eye contact.

„I have no idea, darling. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still alive. So many people out to get me and it was the MULEs who did it first? I’m pretty sure BRIDGES is going to hunt me down as soon as I step out of this shelter, especially since my powers are, well, useless. And it’s not like I can just stay here forever, no matter how charming you find me, right?”

You sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy.

„If you could go anywhere and do anything, what would you do?”

You noticed a shift in his attitude. He couldn’t deflect all your questions with his weird sense of humor.

„Well, I would probably go somewhere far away, maybe even beyond the mountains, and just stay there until the rest of my days. In fact, I was trying to do just that before the MULEs stopped me. I’ve learned my lesson, you know.”

„What lesson?”

„Wherever I go, destruction follows, even if I don’t really want it to happen. You know it well enough, sweetheart. And I would hate it if anything happened to you.”

„Me? Why is that?”

„You’re probably the only person ever who was nice to me. Hell, you saved my life. Although maybe it would be better if I was gone, you know. I don’t really want to die, no, but I figured just leaving would do the trick. Only it’s not going to be as easy as I initially thought.”

You felt a sting in your heart at these words. And then you remembered what you read in the journals. He never really had anyone. Or anything, for that matter.

„Why did you do it?”

„Did what?”

„All those things to all those people. You know, with nukes and Homo Demens at your disposal.”

He sighed. It was a heavy sigh, one that you could almost feel the weight of in your own chest.

„I thought it would be the only way for me to have something, you know. I had all these followers, I had this power. I never felt so… alive. And Amelie, this fucking bitch, she knew exactly what buttons to press. She promised me so many things and I fell for it like a kid who just got offered candy. She promised I would be important, respected. Feared. And I was, but so what? It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter at all.”

You moved a little closer to him, trying to make sure that he could look you right in the eyes when you started talking.

„I understand you did things you’re not proud of,” you said, making sure to choose words carefully. „But it’s not too late, you know.”

„Yeah right. Try telling that to BRIDGES.”

„I just might. But I need to know what your plans are. It seems to me like you didn’t really want to do any of these things.”

„Of course I didn’t!” you could clearly hear anger in his voice. „I just… I thought it might be the only way for me to have something. To have her, I don’t know, someone who cared. That if I did what she said I might feel welcome. Or wanted. I know it was stupid, but there’s only so much one can take, right?!”

You did not expect those words to fall from his lips, but they hit you right when it hurt most. The constant need to be appreciated. To be praised by someone. To feel needed. You knew this feeling all too well, but you had people around you who were always eager to give you so much of it.

Judging from his words, he never had any in his entire life. No wonder he turned out to be so broken.

„I know, Higgs. I know,” you said, trying to make your voice sound as calm as possible. „I know exactly what you mean. It just seemed to me that you picked fear instead of respect out of worry that there was no other way.”

„Because there wasn’t. My own family hated me. My own father, well, uncle, do you know what he did to me? He kept me locked in a shelter for as long as I can remember, beating me up every single time I wanted to even take a look outside. He would beat me so badly that I could barely walk. How could there have been any other way?”

„I’m very sorry to hear that. It sounds terrible, and…”

„It was terrible. But then he died and I was finally able to leave the shelter, and you know what? I was happy. I was a porter, you know? And I loved this job. Except people were still afraid of me, high DOOMs levels and shit. So I figured, why change that? Why work my ass of to prove something they wouldn’t believe anyway? I should just find a way to be more powerful. But if you base everything you are on power, what do you have left when it’s gone? Nothing. You’re suddenly left with nothing, no fear, no respect. Nobody would even care if you’re gone. Just like I never cared about my father. Just like I felt relieved when he died, everybody else would if I did.”

„That’s not true.”

„What can you know? You sit here in your fancy shelter, do your fancy work with your fancy friends. I bet you’ll all be drinking tea soon, talking about stupid Higgs who finally got what he deserved, and…”

You felt anger rising within you this time.

„Shut up! You know nothing about my life. And I care about you, okay? That’s why I brought you in. I could’ve just left you outside to die and then take you to an incinerator, but I didn’t. Not because I owed you one, but because I cared, okay?! Because I don’t believe you’re as shit as you want everyone to believe! I figured you had more in you. And I’m pretty sure I was correct.”

He opened his eyes wide, looking at you with disbelief.

„You… what?!”

„I know a broken man when I see one. And yes, you are a little shit, but it’s no wonder considering what kind of childhood you had. So maybe try and be nice for once.”

„I’m always nice!”

„Oh, come on. I knew you weren’t the monster everyone’s picturing you to be. You saved me from the MULEs, for fucks’ sake. You could’ve left me there and just taken my cufflink to navigate you here, but you didn’t. And you fucking nursed me back to health. You may be an idiot, yes, an idiot with really bad manners. But I’m pretty sure you have it in you to be a little… I don’t know, more likable?”

Higgs shrugged, obviously uncomfortable, but that was good. At least he was listening.

„I’m not heartless, you know?” He said, sending an accusatory gaze your way. „I just… I learned to not depend on other people. With you… I may be an idiot like you said, but I really do believe that you care about me.”

You rolled your eyes. This fucking guy.

„Well, it’s about time you did. I was really trying to make it clear.”

Was he… was he smiling?

„You’re right. I’m sorry. I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. Hell, nobody has ever done even half of what you did for me. But I… I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

„I didn’t do this to get something in return, Higgs.”

„Then why? Why did you help me?”

He surprised you with this question. You didn’t really know what to say because you didn’t really know the reason why yourself.

„I don’t know.”

„And you’re saying I’m the broken one.”

You reached for one of the pillows and threw it his way without even thinking about it. He chuckled and caught it with his left hand with no effort whatsoever.

„I just…” you said, still baffled. „I just didn’t want you to be alone.”

„I never wanted to be alone either. Look where it got me.”

You made up your mind then. Sitting up, you gestured with your hands, getting more comfortable on the couch.

„Come here,” you said, trying to encourage him.

„Where?”

„Here. I’m not going to hurt you. I want to hug you.”

He was obviously surprised with what you said, but moved forward nonetheless. Kneeling between your legs he slowly lowered his body into your welcoming embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist. He looked up at you then, head resting on your chest as you tangled one of your hands into his hair and placed the other on the small of his back. You could feel a shiver running down his spine, a shiver he was not even trying to hide.

He eased into you then, muscles suddenly relaxing and giving in to your touch. His left hand pressed softly into your back, pulling on the fabric of your shirt. You lowered your head and buried your face in his hair, nuzzling the skin there with your nose.

It felt good. It felt safe.

„So this is what it feels like,” he said softly, his voice bringing you back to reality.

„Depends,” you answered, smiling. „But yes, it’s usually very nice.”

He shifted a little, moving his head so that his face was resting in the crook of your neck. You felt his warm breath against your skin.

„I’ve never… been that close with anyone,” there was a strange tone to his voice; something you couldn’t really pinpoint. „It feels… strange.”

„We can stop if you’d like.”

„No. Please.”

The last sentence came out a little desperate, raspy, almost as if he was actually scared you would push him away. But you weren’t going to. This has already gone too far and you were not going to back away now.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed you. And that you needed him, even if you couldn’t understand it yet.

So you brought him even closer, hand still in his hair, lips pressing against his ear.

„I’m here,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. „I’m here and I’ll take care of you.”

He moved then, moved his head to look you straight in the eyes. You almost felt you head spin from the intensity of his gaze. He placed his forehead against yours, nuzzling your nose with his.

„You will?”

„I promise.”

When he pressed his lips against yours you weren’t sure he knew exactly what he was doing, but you welcomed him, welcomed his gesture and welcomed his trust. Biting his lower lip you made him open his mouth, sliding your tongue against his. He moaned then, not even trying to hide it, letting you do whatever you please and pressing into you even more, shifting a little to get more comfortable. He reached out to bury his hand in your hair too, pulling you closer, resting his weight on you even more.

That’s when you noticed he was painfully hard.

„Higgs,” you whispered right into his mouth. „Take it easy, slow down-”

„No, please,” he was begging again, whispering right into your mouth. „Please don’t stop. You feel so good.”

As messy as your kisses were, you had to admit they did have a powerful effect on you too. You couldn’t remember when was the last time someone kissed you. But this? You wanted this, you wanted it more than anything in the world right now. You wanted him any way he would allow.

But today was about Higgs and his comfort. About making him feel good. After all, you did make a promise. Might start taking care of him now.

Not breaking the kiss, you reached down between your bodies to slide his pants down. He moaned into your mouth again, biting your lower lip, chasing every sound you were making with his tongue.

„Higgs-” you wanted to ask for permission, to warn him, but he didn’t even let you.

„Pleasepleaseplease don’t stop, oh please… oh fuck!”

Your hand slid behind the waistband of his pants and grabbed him hard, moving agonizingly slow from head to base. He was a mess in your hands, the words he was saying to longer intelligible.

„I’m here,” you whispered, biting his lower lip. „You’re safe here. I got you.”

He came hard then, your name on his lips followed by a string of yeses and ohs. You held him through it, not letting his lips go even for a second. The look on his face was so blissful, so sweet you felt another violent pull in your heart.

This time though it was an entirely different type of feeling.

He collapsed onto you, once again burying his face in the crook of your neck. You kissed the top of his head, removing your hand from where it was sandwiched between your bodies. You wiped it on one of the pillows, making a mental note to take care of it later. The only other thing you managed to do was reach for a blanket and pull it over the both of you, earning a content sigh from Higgs.

„That was… so good,” he said, voice still shaky, mumbling against your skin.

„Yes it was,” you smiled, nuzzling his hair with your nose. „We’re in this together, Higgs. We’ll find a way to get through this.”

„I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you,” he said after a while. „As I said, I’m bad luck. Really bad luck. But I… I also don’t want to be away from you.”

„I understand. We’ll figure something out.”

„We will.”

„That’s what I just said.”

„I know, it’s just… it feels so good to say we and mean… me and you.”

You smiled again. He could be nice sometimes.

„Yes. Me and you.”

#death stranding #death stranding imagine #death stranding x reader #death stranding fanfiction #higgs x reader #higgs monaghan x reader

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lethalchiralium · 4 years

Text

you and me | Higgs Monaghan x F!Reader

a/n: requested by @barzalslittlebitch ! “you know how we were laughing about higgs’ latest email about how he wasn’t there for his pizza to get delivered cause his wife ran outside cause she was mad and the pizza was to win her back but really he just couldn’t be there while sam was and he’s a drama queen but like what if that’s actually what happened? like just... imagine... ok im tired goodnight (translated from a rambly voice note and delivered into your ask box by sam porter bridges) ps. love you mom”

warnings: cussing, arguments, a lil bit of angst and fluff :)

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Where did you go?

“Y/N!” Higgs shouted, the Timefall hit the ground harder as he pulled his cloak farther over his head. The desolate field of boulders made him want to kick himself even more, he shouldn’t have said that to you. Heat of the moment, husband and wife quarrels that were honestly rare. You both came from rough beginnings and climbed the dirty ladder to the top, and fell for each other over the years. But he didn’t think you would do this. He hated feeling scared, but when he was terrified as soon as he realized you vanished into the night without something to protect you from the Timefall and BTs. He couldn’t jump to you, his feelings were fucked because he was panicked and his feelings were all over the place.

“Come on, Higgs, you piss off a lady like Y/N? Idiot.” He scowled, as he kept shining his flashlight on every boulder. “Always gotta be right, always gotta hurt her feelings for no damn reason like a dumbass.”

Something glimmered in the distance under a hill, and Higgs immediately jumped to it. And there you were, sitting underneath an overhang with your ring in between your fingers. He sighed in relief, which caught your attention.

“Baby, you can’t go runnin’ off in the rain like that, ‘bout scared me half to death.”

You glared at him through angered eyes. “You are seriously considering following that fake deity? What has she done for you?”

“She’s helping me get to the top, baby.” He moved towards you but you scurried away.

You scowled at him. “You don’t get to work your handsome magic on me today, what else is she helping you with, huh?”

Higgs laughed, laughed, at your remark and you mumbled, “I’m gonna slap that smug little smirk off your face so fucking hard, your damn ancestors will be dizzy.”

“Babe, after everything we’ve ever been through, I thought you knew I’d always choose you.” He moved closer to you and kneeled down, his gloved hand met your cheek with a sigh. “No matter how much power she can give me, you’re the only person who could make me feel alive.”

You grumbled as you stood, taking his hand from your cheek and holding it. “I’m still mad at you for eating my damn chocolate too.”

“I can’t win, huh?” He smiles and you glared at him.

“That slapping offer still fucking stands.”

He anxiously laughed and held onto you tighter. “Alright, let’s jump home.”

As soon as you two jumped back into the bunker, the smell of something delicious hit your nostrils. You smiled up at Higgs, completely forgetting about your argument as you dashed to the delivery shelf, where two pizza boxes sat and a bottle of champagne. You grabbed the pizza boxes, both still warm, and carried them to the kitchen, Higgs was right behind you with the bottle of champagne. You set down the pizzas on the counter and turned to Higgs, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You sure do know how to get to my heart.”

His arm looped around your waist after he set down the champagne. His other hand settled on your cheek, and he smiled at you. “‘M sorry I was an idiot. Happy anniversary, my love.”

Your eyes widened. “It’s our anniversary?! Damn, I was too busy arguing with your dumbass and worrying about it that I forgot.”

“Well, I promise you’re the only one that gets to touch my ass.”

“Stop ruining the moment.”

Higgs let out a deep chuckle before he leaned in and gave you a kiss. His lips departed from yours after a moment, and he kissed your forehead. “It will always be you and me.”

#death stranding #higgs monaghan #death stranding higgs #troy baker #higgs #sam porter bridges #lethalchiralium #higgs monaghan x reader #higgs x reader #fragile #higgs x f!reader

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lethalchiralium · 4 years

Text

liar | Higgs Monaghan x F!Reader

a/n: :)

warnings: cussing, female reader, Higgs being Higgs because he’s Higgs, mentions of pregnancy if you really squint

It wasn’t letting up. Not just the Timefall, but the horrible guilt of what you had just done.

You remembered everything.

The explosion. The sound of everything crashing down, and the screams. That horrific screaming that was driving a spike into your ear.

The sound of the Beach claiming it’s new soldiers with a box full of squeaky clean screams.

“Thank...”

You slapped your hand on Fragile’s mouth to shut her up. You were thinking.

How could you escape?

You jumped to Fragile and saved her from dying in the Timefall right in front of the world’s most dangerous man. You were going to die, but at least you were able to save Fragile from certain doom. “Just go. Go to HQ. Give yourself an alibi.”

Her eyebrows furrowed.

“I’ll be fine.” You nodded before removing your hand, letting the almost completely naked woman teleport away. Your breath in the lungs your chest held tightened so much, you were terrified that they would pop like balloons. You slid down to your knees, the red sand outside the seaside part of South Knot felt like nothing while you contemplated what that terrorist would do to you. Not even that, your head kept going over why he tricked you into walking a bomb straight into Middle Knot.

A hand slid gently down your cheek and you looked up, tears ran down your face. “You really wanna know why I did this to you?”

Screams. Blood. Smell. Cries of mercy and the cries of the Beach.

“I did it to you because it was the only way to protect you.”

Higgs’ face was now close to yours, the memories of his sweet lips on your neck made you want to set yourself on fire; yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You saw this horrific monster in front of you, but you knew he wasn’t that. You just needed to know that he isn’t a heartless monster.

“Hig-Higgs-“

His hand was on your neck and a twisted smile adorned his face, a small chuckle sounded. “Why did you fucking betray me?”

Pressure on your windpipe made you whimper, you could feel the twitch in his hand. “‘M...”

“All you had to do was stay put, and now she’ll come for you.”

His hand faltered and you whispered, “I love you.”

His eyes met yours and tears fell down his face, darkened by the chalk lining his eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

Your hand peeled his from your throat, and you gripped his tightly. Your eyes never left his until his gazed down at your lips, a hunger that you recognized. You wanted to give in, to cave into greedily taking his lips to your own; but you couldn’t. He betrayed your trust, your love, you.

“But I want to.”

“You made me kill all of those people, Higgs.” You muttered, your lips closer to his. It wasn’t fair, he was such an attractive personality; it was how you fell in love with him. Being porters since you two were teenagers, the love he had for you made you fall for him. You loved him for eight years, your lives were messy and you two were better together. The fact that he decided to screw you over the week after you told him you wanted kids. He wanted one too, he wanted to be a better father than his Daddy ever was; prove to himself that he wouldn’t reach the low of beating his child to an inch of their life. He was using you now, he knew he shouldn’t have betraying the trust you spent so long on reinforcing with him. Telling him that you trusted him at every turn that he needed it.

“I was the one who finished the job.” He breathed, and a loud boom sounded. Higgs’ hand gripped your arm and teleported you two back home. Your eyes dripped tears as you looked at your husband, no remorse in him.

Your hand fell to your stomach.

“You...”

“I did it for you.”

“You did this for yourself!” You screeched, and his hands gripped you closer to his body.

He squeezed your arms tighter. “I did this to protect you from her!”

You couldn’t see past his face, you couldn’t see the nihilist underneath the mask of the person who loved you more than anything. How were you going to tell your child that their father is a murderer who lies to the person who vowed to love them unconditionally? “You’re lying to me.”

“Baby, please, try to understa-“

You knew you had to get away. You didn’t know what he was capable of.

“Don’t come after me.”

Higgs was left standing there, black particles danced in the air after you teleported away, broken over a life that was now a lie.

———

#death stranding #higgs monaghan #death stranding higgs #troy baker #higgs monaghan x reader #higgs x reader #sam porter bridges #lethalchiralium #higgs #fragile #higgs x f!reader

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danddymaro · 4 years

Text

Jerk | Higgs Monaghan x Reader

Thoughts : ‘Sample’

Word Count: 639

This is for a reader who’s a part of the Itty Bitty Titty Comity, lol. So...Smoll chest girlies like me.

Kinda Smutty.

Jerk

"You've got worthless, lil' tits," he bitterly muttered, his gloved, right hand slapping the little perky set, causing them to perform a short-lived, yet, sweet little jump he eyed in a trance state.

His words were filled with mockery, but truly, he eyed every bit of her with nearly unblinking eyes, mesmerized by her exposed body in a way she hadn’t bothered to take in at the moment.

Instead, she looked away, her (e/c) colored eyes eyeing her clothes that all lay scattered, each and every piece stretched and torn due to his impatience.

She wanted to hide from him, and more than anything, obscure the sight of her small chest, but it wasn’t possible in the state she was now.

Her arms were pressed together behind her back, the itchy rope tightly bound around her forearms in a way that made it impossible to pull them apart, leaving her with no choice but to expose herself to him, her heaving chest beautifully presented to him.

As she took in a long, stilled breath, he released a low breath of his,

“ Well, “ he then muttered with contemplation, his blue eyes glued down, eyeing the meager bit of chest with a tight bite to his lower lip,

“...At least they're cute,” he murmured with praise, caressing the little lump in his hand sweetly before his entire hand enveloped the small breast, soon retreating his fingers until they were all drawn to the center of the tender flesh, tugging the cute, little bud that stood out excitedly.

And at that, her back arched, unwillingly drawing in more for him, the action making him chuckle, the kittenish look in his eyes becoming even more prominent as he curled his lips into a satisfied, little grin,

“ Oh darlin', what's with that face?” He said lowly, then pouting playfully as he watched her morph the lustful bliss she wore into a bit-lipped grimace.

His left hand’s index and middle finger strummed beneath her chin, the light, ticklish brush causing her to squirm. Consequently, the bind that held her dug into her skin, making her grow even more agitated,

“Talk to me,” He encouraged her, “Speak to Daddy.”

“Y-You’re such a jerk…” She breathed, finally finding it in her to look up at him, her (e/c) colored eyes staring up at him pathetically, something that made his insides stir,

“Ah, Come on... I'm still willin’ to fuck ‘em,” He rasped, his upper body leaned down to her, breathing out her name in a way that made her heart drum even louder, the sound of his voice almost drowned out by the loud rhythm.

With a snaking hand, then pressed his palm at the side of her face, holding her cheek as he hummed her name again,

“(F/n), ” He cooed.

His lips pressed to her hairline before he drew back, standing back at his full height, one that seemed much more imposing as she was cut down to size by her position.

“ And then...afterward,” he trailed off, a deep, low growl vibrating his chest,

“ - I'll fuck you too baby.

Oh… I'll fuck the absolute shit out of you.” He promised her and mindlessly, she quivered, reactive to everything he did, the woman affected by even the tone of his voice and the wonderful thickness that it possessed.

‘Of all the people scattered in the world…’ She started, watching as he made himself comfortable, the thick layers of clothing he wore removed in a way that was sensuous and teasing,

‘Why did it have to be him?’ she wondered while she eyed him with glazed (e/c) colored eyes, nearly salivating at the sight of the man that both loved and humiliated at the same time.

“Jerk...” She breathed again, both hating, and loving him, both feelings melted together, not one existing without the other.

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danddymaro · 4 years

Text

Death Stranding | Open Heart

Pairing : Higgs monaghan X Reader // Sam Bridges x Reader

First Part: Stay // pt.1

Previous: Sweet Façade

Thoughts are italics in quotations = ‘Example’

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

Wordcount: 3704

He’s going by an alias, obviously and I thought I'd do a play of his alias as well.

Little Fact: The name (alias) "Peter Englert" is a combination of the names of theoretical physicists Peter Higgs and François Englert, who together won the 2013 Nobel Prize in Physics for the discovery of the Higgs mechanism.

So Higgs Peters? Just for the sake of keeping his first name.

Open Heart

She placed a small mug before him, the sweet scent of warm tea gently wafting into his nose as it sat on the surface of the small table. With a small, placid smile he accepted the generous offer, tentatively placing his hand onto the warm cup, watching her sit before him, an identical mug in her hand as she took her place.

" So..." He sounded out, "You're here by yourself, correct?" he asked her, already knowing the answer, but just making conversation with her.

He just loved the sound of her voice, and he wanted to hear it sound forever, furthermore, he absolutely lived for their little moment together, willing to stretch out the vicious storm for weeks if it was necessary, all to have the fortune of seeing her every day.

'If I could spend everyday with you like this...just you and me...I wouldn't miss a beat.

I wouldn't hesitate to take the chance, '

"Oh yeah," (f/n) replied nodding before taking a small sip, an almost unnoticeable smile overtaking her as she got a taste of her beverage.

“It Get’s lonely, huh?” he said while offering her kind blue eyes, truly feeling sorry for her, because he just knew what it felt like to be disconnected, all in all, he knew what lonely silence was like.

She chuckled wearily before giving him another nod, " Yeah,” She breathed. “It does...but...” She then said, raising her eyes to him, looking certain, “ I've gotten used to it,” She mused, “Well, at least that's what I keep telling myself,” She added with a halfhearted, little chuckle.

“ The thing is though, It's been raining so much…” she sighed, notably disheartened, “ I don't know what's going on, but it seems like there is this dark cloud looming over me,” she admitted, having seen such little sunshine she felt as though she was an unfortunate, little bloom, slowly wilting while left in the darkness.

“If anything this awful weather is what's making things unbearable,” She added with falling shoulders.

Occasionally she’d step out and enjoy the sunlight, but within the last few weeks, it hadn’t been something she had the fortune of enjoying, instead being stuck within the underground home, held hostage within the place she should feel her safest.

"I have noticed that things around here have gotten pretty hectic," he commented, "Have you been getting supplies?" he asked her, receiving a declining nod,

"No, and truth be told, I'm starting to grow really anxious about it." She responded back, " But as I said, it's been hell around here.” She said with understanding, knowing just why no one else had bothered to come through,

She took a small moment to clear her throat before she seemed to lift in spirits, but only by a tad bit as she continued , “As I mentioned before, You're actually the first person to actually make it up here in a long...long time," She admitted, offering him a sweet smile, a little shine to her eyes that made him melt and want to reach out for her.

She seemed to glow, her appreciation seeping through, overruling both her great concern and her lonesome sadness altogether, “And you have no idea how much I appreciate it,” She added.

" - I don't really blame anyone for not even bothering to make the trip, " she began to explain, " I mean, this rain won't let up. And I’d hate for anyone to …” stopping herself she shook her head, a tight bit to her lip while her hands that lay over the table balled up, fisted until they became uncomfortably tense, lightly shaking with the force,

“I’d hate to cause anyone harm, which is why I just couldn't let you go back out there,” She admitted, slightly hanging her head as she confessed to him her reasoning.

All in all, she couldn’t bear to bring another person harm.

‘Oh sweetheart,’ He thought to himself, daring to reach his gloved hand up to hers, covering the shaking fist with his palm.

At the light touch, she suddenly jumped, looking at him with wide eyes, the young woman having grown startled at being startled, prolonging her state of surprise.

Retracting his hand, he grimaced, “shit, I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I didn’t mean to,” he said while holding both his hands up, “Please forgive me, I didn’t mean any harm by it, I swear,” he insisted, looking wholeheartedly upset.

Suddenly standing, she shook her head, “ No, no, no,” She repeated, “I’m the one who’s sorry,” She went on while being embarrassed, her face glowing while she released a small, cute giggle.

“- I know you didn’t mean any harm by it,” She said while still being notably flustered,

‘It’s just its been a really long time since anyone has reached out for me,’ She mused, feeling silly for fidgeting over the harmless contact,

‘You must think I'm such a fool, ‘ She thought to herself, not knowing just how much her sweet, demure nature was affecting him.

“- Anyways, Come on,” She encouraged him, nudging her head to the side, signaling it towards the hall, “ Let me show you where you can stay, I’m sure after a whole day of traveling you want a nice, warm shower, “ She suggested, knowing that if she were in his shoes she’d itch for a warm wash.

“Or maybe some sleep?” She inquired, assuming he must have been tired after traveling up the trail, “In the meantime, while you relax I can make something to eat. '' She told him with a happy, little clap, the offer making him smile gently, taking in how exited she seemed.

‘ Baby girl… with you taking care of me like this… I might just fall more in love,’ he thought to himself, following her as she walked along the small passage, soon reaching a decently sized quarter,

“This is a pretty nice room,” he told her as he walked through the doorway, “ - A little too nice to be lending it out to just anyone,” he observed, his eyes slowly trailing over the room, finding himself directly gazing at a Synchronization incubator,

. "...Almost As though it already belongs to someone already," he added, feeling somewhat spiteful as he glared at the personalized space.

His mind wandered, knowing she lived alone, and that the only other person who visited was the other Porter.

And he could easily put two and two together,

‘ You're doing too much for him sweetheart.

You’re making me so, so jealous,

Oh you sweet angel…If only you knew how much this hurts me,’ He went on, swallowing down the words, knowing that it wasn’t really her fault.

Because all in all, she wasn’t aware, so how could she know she was hurting him?

“Oh,” she replied back, her pretty smile becoming lukewarm, “ you think so?” she asked, scratching the back of her neck with a rather nervous chuckle, almost like she’d been caught in a white lie.

“ Yeah,” he replied back, eyeing her, watching her every move, every little tick she had, memorizing it all.

“I just have the feeling ; so does it?” he pressed on, still seeming playful and sweet while he secretly interrogated her, “I don’t want to pry, but I also wouldn’t want to impose,” he went on, justifying himself, playing the part of the perfect, considerate guest.

"-Well, to be perfectly honest, yeah,” she answered him with a little pouty smile, barely recognizable as an actual show of happiness, “... but, I'm pretty sure he's not coming back in a good while, so I don't think he'd mind at all, ” (f/n) said while fluffing the little pillow on the mattress so he could be comfortable.

“Just for the time being...” she murmured.

“- Who’s not coming back?” He asked her with a mellow, little mutter of his own, noticing how she stopped altogether, a vacant look in her eye before she shook her head to come back to, letting a little smile overrule the small bit of seldom that attempted to take claim over her features,

“He…” She started, not knowing how to put things, taking a little nibble of her lip as she tried to properly gather her thoughts,

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” Higgs told her, not wanting to force her into saying anything.

Granted he wanted to know, but not at the expense of her sweet, little grin.

‘ I want to make you smile.

I want to make you happy sweetheart,’ he silently told her.

“ I'm not trying to pry or anything. I’m just trying to make conversation, and also avoid any inconvenience. “ He explained to her, “But it seems like it’s a sensitive topic,” he observed out loud, “And I don’t want to force you to tell me anything, or make you uncomfortable,” he told her.

“So there's no need for you to share,” He told her, making it clear that he was giving her options and he wasn't demanding anything from her.

She could literally feel her heart unwind, for a reason unknown to her feeling light, a great part of her wanting to share with him.

“ You’re welcome to ask,” she voiced out with a small voice, “ it's just... I haven't had anyone to really talk to, so it’s hard for me to put the words together without it feeling strange" she admitted.

"Or without feeling stupid," she added with a little grin, one that made him crack a small smile of his own.

" So ...umm … well,” she then said while contemplating look crossed over her, “There is this one Porter who comes around very often... or at least he used to," she began to explain, "I'm so used to seeing him, but lately… well...it's been about a little over a month now since he’d visited, " she added with notable melancholy, clearly missing the man she spoke of,

" But… But I know he's alright!" She suddenly chirped, the idea of him doing well immediately perking her up, because she wished nothing but the best for the man, regardless of where they stood in their relationship,

- or in this case, lack of.

" Going strong!" She said with a triumphant grin as she looked at the porter before her. “And I’m just so proud of him…” She added with a little murmur, her little grin twitching.

' That was expected...I suppose,' he thought to himself as he watched her stretched out smile, seeing the rollercoaster ride that was her emotions.

He just wanted to reach out to her, coddle her like the precious little thing she was, tell her that everything was alright, because her expressions were making it hard for him to just stand there and watch her,

" The last time he was here, I offered him this room.” She confessed, and it had been as he assumed, and though he’d had a hunch, it still scathed him,

“Yeah?” he breathed.

“Yeah, I actually had it set up just for him." She admitted, her face touched by a soft, innocent color, one Monaghan stared at with austounment because it was something he desperately yearned to have the ability to cause.

" I wanted him to be safe, You know? I wanted him to have a place to rest; I wanted him to have somewhere where he can relax because I know how hard his life is.” She started, the first part of her tale sounding so full of hope and love, it touched him.

“ I care about him more than I should.” She admitted, sounding somewhat ashamed, yet certain about her declaration.

'I love him, ' She silently admitted it, not needing to say so, because the other man could already assume.

" The first time I met him was a couple of months back, he'd made a delivery for me; A very simple one, it being just a couple of little trinkets I had ordered." She started, looking whimsical as she thought of the fateful day, " he got them back to me in one piece, not a single scratch." she said recalling the event, sounding just as astounded as she’d been that very day,

" And you can imagine: I was so amazed, absolutely astonished when he got them all here.

Hell, not even the container itself had any damage!" she added with stun.

“ The first time I met him I was so impressed and I guess I was also taken by him too,” She went on, sounding so cute to the brunette male, “ In the past, I've had a couple of Porter's come by now and then.” she told him, “ they often make small deliveries for me but with Sam?

With Sam, It all felt so different.

I wanted him to stay with me.

I wanted to hear more of him.

I desperately yearned to travel at his side, though I know very well it's not idealistic, I wanted to accompany him every step of the way.

It's silly...

But a girl in love… she can only dream ," She mused with a whimsical, little sigh.

"Sam... Sam’s... not like anyone else." She said breathlessly, a glazed look falling over her, one that was painfully lovesick.

"Sam… " Higgs mumbled, repeating it back to her.

" That wouldn't happen to be THE Sam Bridges everyone is raving about, would it?" He asked her, interested, making it seem a though it’d been a far stretched inquiry.

At his question, she became notably stiff.

He could see her hands hold onto each other, wringing each other uncomfortably as she licked her lips,

'I know dear, but just tell me more,' he mused, watching her with his heart running so fast it could catch fire.

‘ Tell me everything, open yourself to me.

- Just Trust me’

Chuckling she showed off a cute touch of pink to her cheeks, finally mustering up the will to answer,

“You’d be right to assume,” she affirmed.

“ Sam…what can I say about him?” She asked herself, not knowing just where to begin, having so much to say about the man, too much to just go over in just one sitting,“ Sam is quiet, a sad quiet that just makes me want to hold him. He is thoughtful and caring in a way that doesn't beg for anything in return.” she said with the same touch of rose,

“ Sam is handsome in a way only a lonely man can be…” she described the bridges porter while her hand went up to her chest, grazing the spot above her heart.

“He is sweet and it's noticeable...

When he talks to his BB; when he says sweet little words to her...That's when his softness shines through the most. And at those very moments one could easily capture every bit of him that's gentle.” she surmised.

“ And he cuddles her so sweetly, just like someone would their own child...

You know, it’s to a point, I’m actually starting to think he loves it in the same way one would their own child,” she mused, not seeming bothered by the fact , “ But maybe I’m overthinking it,” she added afterward.

“ I could be imagining it, but even then, if that weren’t the case, there is no doubt in my mind that she is precious to him. The fact remains," she said while looking at Higgs Straightforth.

“ Higgs, can I tell you something?” she asked, looking timid to reveal to him the next part, taking his slow nod of approval as a confidence boost to speak,

“ When I see him with her, it just makes my heart beat so fast.” she breathed, “ It makes me wish we...I...” For just a fraction of a second, her hand began to trail down, falling over her stomach, the sight causing Higgs to swallow down hard.

“I wish I could have the opportunity to give him that,” she confessed.

On one hand,

‘You’d look absolutely beautiful,' he thought to himself. 'You'd look just perfect,' he went on, just imagining her in such a state, the thought of her pregnant making his heart warm,

On the other hand,

'Of all people...

Of all things…

Honey... you're breaking my heart.

Your making me so jealous I might snap, ‘

Devoid of any emotion that would give himself away, Higgs continued to simply look at her, outwardly unresponsive to her confession. At his silence and moreso, his expressionless, stoic face she coughed into her hand, somewhat regretting opening up that bit to him,

“As...As I was saying, Sam...Sam has a beautiful heart,” she beamed to him,

“ He has so much compassion in him, despite the way he might seem, there is so much beauty within his chest.

And That's what I love most about him... that tenderness, the one that's not so visible through his words.

Through it all, I love that sweet kindness that's there, but hidden away because he's afraid of something.” (f/n) told the man before her, “ I'm not sure what it is, but I know he's afraid and it makes me hurt.

Sam makes me love but also hurt at the same time," she confessed to Higgs.

“ But you know what? I wouldn't trade this feeling for anyone else, or for anything else in the world." She told him, the admittance shaking his very being because he’d planned to go against it. He didn’t want to take it to heart, wanting to sway her to him instead.

“He...” She mumbled, chewing over the next bit of her tale, “He...”she repeated as she then closed her eyes, hanging her head with defeat as she swallowed up a long, exasperated breath.

" You can tell me everything…" he piped up, the encouragement causing her to slightly melt, a little, shaky breath escaping her, because he let her know that she wasn't troubling him, and that there was no shame in showing him her heart,

“He didn't even look me in the eyes,” (f/n) told him, the information drawing him in, “He spoke so quietly… sounding just as broken as I am now,” she admitted, her eyes slowly growing wetter,

“ Up to date hasn't answered an email of mine. He hasn't even opened the one I sent him…

The one where I told him how much I loved him." she said while taking a seat on the bed, staring down at her hands with a halfhearted glare,

“I….I’d like to think he’d busy,” she said with a small nod, trying to sound hopeful,

“ Maybe he has too much on his mind.

Maybe he’s just too far away right now.

Maybe…

Maybe he hasn’t forgotten about me.

Maybe he’ll come back... He’ll come back and... and until then...I...I can, - “

She rambled, her words jumbling before she released a small, throaty hiccup,

“ I can wait…” she breathed, tears spilling from her (e/c) colored eyes, the streams slowly cascading down her face,

“ I can wait for Sam!” she said with a cracking voice.

The more she spoke, the more her chest ached, her words knotted in her throat as she released a strangled sound that was akin to a short sob, tears falling down her face before she had a mind to stop herself from breaking.

She hadn’t wanted to break, but it was like rolling downhill, once she was going, she couldn’t stop, plundering down the furthermore she went until she crashed down,

" Hey," Higgs said softly, also sitting with her, a hand taking hold of her cheek while the other lay flat on her back, rubbing soothing, small circles,

‘Sweetheart...please,’ he inwardly begged, his face distraught as he watched her break down, her tears not ceasing as she continued to shake, the weight of all her suffrage attacking her full force.

Because it wasn’t just about Sam being gone.

It was about the lonesome years spent isolated.

It was about the endless rain that kept her locked in, trapped.

Moreover, it was the disconnection from a population that should have long been extinct.

In some sort of way, Sam was her connection, her bridge to the world. He was the only thing she had that kept her somewhat sane, fueling her to continue.

She’d decided to accept he wasn’t going to return, but it was much harder than just saying so,

‘Because I have nothing but him...’

Unwillingly, a lonesome tear fell down the right side of his face, falling onto her (h/c) colored hair as he brought her close, her shaking body pressed against his as he forced her still,

‘ Do you know (f/n)... that before all of this happened…

You were meant to be with me?’ He silently asked her,

' Are you aware that our flames are identical?' He thought to himself, feeling her melt, pressed against his chest.

‘ Darling... You're so lonely,

Sweetheart… you’re sadness is contagious to me, ‘

Shakenly, her hands crawled up his back, her stiff fingers trailing up its length before they stopped, holding onto him desperately.

‘Fuck… sweetie… your heartbeat… ‘ he thought while the hand on her back could feel the powerful, erratic pace,

“You alright (f/n)?” he asked her, receiving a hiccup back, her head shaking 'no', the women being unable to put up any type of front.

“ Look at me,” he muttered softly, his hands both falling on to her shoulders, offering her a dazzling smile, “ It’s alright you know?” he assured her, looking deep within her (e/c) colored eyes.

“Everything‘s going to be alright,” he promised her, seeming certain.

‘ You’ll get over him.

You won't miss him

I swear to you sweetie… I’ll make all of that go away.’

He held her, tenderly caressing her while she broke down, the overflowed dam that was her heart shattered as she let loose of absolutely everything that she harbored, for a reason unknown to her trusting the man who was essentially a stranger.

' I swear to you I'll make it all go away...' he thought to himself while finally being able to take hold of her, knowing he couldn't trace back and fall into the darkness again, at least not without her in his arms,

‘Just keep trusting me (f/n)...

Keep melting onto me....

Keep trusting mer...

You feel it too, don’t you?

Don’t worry, once you forget about Bridges, you can focus all on us...’

Next Part : Stolen Princess

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danddymaro · 3 years

Text

Right Here | Higgs Monaghan x Reader

Warnings;

Somnophilia

non-con that moves to dubcon

Maybe breeding?

I guess it’s also yanyan / Yandere

-If it’s not your fancy, please just don’t even touch it.

A/N: You know, this actually came from the little story I have out, but I reasoned it was better as a standalone instead, because Higgs isn’t like that in the other work.

He’s more of a sweetheart, still crazy, but I mean, a sweetheart nonetheless.

Word count: 879

Right Here

" He's not coming for you," he reminded her, his already deep voice thickened furthermore as he rasped the words right into her ear, "He...forgot...all about you." He groaned out, his hips sinking down to hers in a deep and sensuous meeting that was preceded by a low moan from his part.

" He forgot about you," He said again, his two hands moving over the soft skin of her legs, tenderly grazing his rougher skin over the exposed limbs before he hooked each one, soon hoisting them onto his shoulders.

Slowly, he eased down, her thighs soon pressed to her chest as he descended,

" But don't worry...I'm right here," he told her, his palms finding their way to her cheeks, holding them dearly.

"Sweetheart, I'm right here… " He murmured repeatedly, each dive down met with a sweet envelopment of warmth that left him high.

' If only you'd have those pretty eyes open.' He thought to himself, wishing she'd look at him,

‘If you’d just look at me, Sweetheart, you’d know just how crazy you drive me.’ He silently spoke, ‘If you’d look at me, you’d make this all perfect,’ He enthused, soon letting her legs glide down his arms, traveling there with the purpose of being held by his bent arms.

‘But this is good enough,' He then reasoned, eyeing her beautiful body as it lay beneath him, 'cause right now... You're mine,' he mused.

'Even if you're thinking about him now…You're right here with me,' He went on with a dumb grin.

“- Just us,” he hummed, his face lifting into a sweet grin as he watched her begin to stir, and during then his heart soared.

"There she is," he murmured with the glowing expression, greeting her with a pleasure that numbed her entire being.

Her (e/c) colored eyes soon fluttered opened, the glossy and dazed orbs looking up at the hazy sight of him with confusion.

“Higgs?” She said softly, knowing his voice, yet not understanding, “Wha..what… why?” She muttered incoherently before her eyes rolled back, a mewling cry then emitted from her gaping lips as her further questioning died out, drowned out and overpowered by the new, invading sensation.

“ That's it sweetie,” he said encouraged her, “That’s my name...” he said with a swell of pride,

“I’m right here,” He repeated.

Shakenly, her hips rose up to meet his, her entire body raked with hard shivers as he repeatedly fucked her, hitting her sweet spot with perfect aim he’d mastered just for her.

“I've been thinking about something baby,” he then uttered, his voice low and soft,

“ If I go in here,” he grunted while the full length of his cock sheathed within her,

“ If I cum....right here again,” he specified while taking a short pause in his movements.

“Fuck...” He hissed, “Would you forgive me?” he asked her, and as he spoke, all of his words sounded muddied to her, muffled by the heavy pounding of her heart as it bounced heavily.

He doused her heat with his own warmth, all while tightly pressing his hips to hers, the flesh melting over each other during the meeting, stuck by the glistening sweat that coated them both.

With a final heave he slowly eased himself out from her in a slow drag that left her itching to have him return.

She couldn't think properly, her mind growing hazy as her body had already been used to the point of overstimulation that left her helpless.

‘Higgs, ‘ she thought helplessly, desperate to have him rut into her more,

“Higgs...please,” she breathed, “I...want more,” she said while struggling to find a steady breath.

Broken beyond reason, she cried out to him, the urgent sound filling him with even more drive.

In his half daze he dragged his blue eyes down to her parted legs, eyeing the sight of her well-used snatch, still gaping and sweet, greedy for more of him despite already being full.

'Oh… Bridges… you could never.' He thought snidely.

A slim finger tenderly trailed up and down her wetness, a lax, weak sigh leaving her at the gentle motion.

"One more time, right?" He said softly, his lips coming down to hers, greeting her with a tender kiss as his finger dove into her, instantly coated by the remains of his many acts of love.

Her body squirmed, writhing beneath him as he gave her just what he asked him for,

‘More,’ He thought to himself, ‘ I’ll give it all to you,’

“ - I'm sorry,” he murmured against her mouth, her two legs held on each arm, hooked there after he'd plunged into her yet again.

“ I'm really sorry (f/n),” he said while using her again, his body feverishly moving, the ensnared man desperately wanting to keep the sight of her gazing up at him fresh in his mind, using the moment to ingrain the lovely sight in his brain.

‘ I can't help myself sweetheart.

I can't stop myself.

Fuck… I love you,’

“ You're mine, ” he murmured while he watched a sweet smile rise, pleased with being the one to will it out of her.

“You’re all mine now,” He said with certainty.

‘Our bond is the only one that will remain.

Our connection is the only one that matters. ’

139 notes · View notes

danddymaro · 4 years

Text

Death Stranding | Stolen Princess

Pairing : Higgs monaghan X Reader // Sam Bridges x Reader

Previous: Open Heart

Thoughts are italics in quotations = ‘Example’

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

Wordcount: 3949

- LOL Higgs is so off his nut.

Pt 5 : Stolen Princess

The long-haired brunette trudged through the ridged trail, his two gloved hands firmly holding onto the straps that were snugly draped over his shoulders, holding all of his cargo gear in place as he traveled, simultaneously steadying his every step.

"Almost there," He said lowly, his light-colored eyes aimed straight, already knowing the route by heart despite not having traveled through the area in what felt like an entire lifetime.

"Almost there..." he said again, the entirety of his body feeling strained by the travel, yet ready for whatever opposing factor that came in his path.

"Gotta keep going..." he reminded himself, the concerned male determined to meet the marker before sundown, not wanting to waste another day.

"I have ... I have to..." He maundered with a stumbled step, his body slowly shutting down on him while he forced himself through the terrain in spite of the physical torture, the porter not willing to let anything stop him from reaching (f/n). "Goddammit..." He huffed, forced to halt for just a moment, bending over to take a small breather that became prolonged as the weight of his delivery brought him further down to a knee.

"Fuck," He cursed lowly, his right arm shooting down to place a hand at the ground beneath him to help push himself back up, the action being strained. "Come on," He said with a long exhale, his will unstirred because while he was currently beaten down, he had yet to be defeated.

'I Have to make it there, no matter what,' He told himself, remembering that it wasn't just a little visit.

It wasn't just because he missed her.

'She needs me,' He convinced himself.

He'd brought a lot of things he was certain she'd need; necessities he knew she couldn't live without. While of course, it had made his progress lag, he wasn't willing to go empty-handed, especially while knowing she needed him.

- Because she’d become talk amongst the other porters.

Rumors arose of a woman caught in a treacherous storm, isolated from the rest of the world, morso than anyone else.

No one could reach her, and by then she’d stopped her attempts to reach out, and he’d only just caught wind of it.

During the entire time, he knew he should have paced himself, especially while carrying so much material. He'd been making deliveries for years now, most of which were on foot, so he knew just what to do during the times of travel and furthermore understood how dangerous it was to use up so much energy over such a small period of time, and yet, even then he couldn't help himself. And he reasoned that perhaps it was just the dark cloud that always loomed over him that rattled him furthermore.

'Maybe....maybe I'm just paranoid.' He thought to himself, hoping for the best, wanting to blame all of his worries on his own heavily faulted psyche. "For all I know... you're just fine," He said to himself, tiredly looking up at the cleared sky, taking notice that it was a lot brighter now than it had been the last time he was there.

' At least it's brighter outside,' He told himself, 'If anything, you're spending your time outside,' He went on, hoping that he'd find her just outside her home, idly walking about the overgrown patches of green as a tranquil pastime.

' I hope that you are...' He added.

Within her encasement, Lou floated calmly, rolling her little body into a small spin that expressed playfulness, showing that she knew just where he was headed. She couldn't properly voice it, but he just knew she felt elation. A little gurgle fell past her lips as she continued to wiggle, making him softly chuckle, "You too huh?" He asked the child in the glass, smiling weakly at the show of joy, his face which had until then only showed restlessness, giving out a little glow of joy,

'You missed her too,' He mused, knowing that even if she couldn't understand, it didn't take away from her ability to feel.

She felt love as well.

She felt longing.

She felt the connection that was there too.

"Don't worry: We're almost there," He assured his BB, trying to find ease himself, desperately trying to focus on the wonderful feeling that always came as he reached her, itching for the same sweet high it always brought.

'Just a little more (f/n).

I'm almost there,'

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Right from the start, he'd felt on edge, an unsettling unease wedged within the cracks of his heart, and it only spiked furthermore as he approached the home, realizing that the perimeter around the area was off.

The system that kept her home safe was shut off, and the realization caused his slowing steps to once again pick up, his legs moving in quick strides to reach the usually sealed off passage, stopping before it with a halted breath.

"It's wide open," He said lowly, a cold sweat falling down his brow as he gripped the arch of the doorway, holding on tightly. His foot rose up, but throughout the motion to move forward he shook, hesitating for a reason unknown to him, but that felt so similar to dread, he took the liberty to call it just that.

'I should have stormed in there by now...' He told himself, swallowing down thickly, readying his voice, trying to find it before he called out to her.

'But if I don't find her...

If I don't find her...

...What then?' He wondered helplessly, suddenly feeling weak as all of the turmoil of before that he desperately tried to fight off snuck its way into him in that very instance, hitting him with full-force.

'Where do I even begin?' He asked himself, the weight of his heart becoming unbearable as he then thought of one person, the very being that had made it his goal to make his life hell.

He thought of the devious, triumphant grin that would be out on display as he took her captive, finding yet another way to make the porter suffer.

'I never wanted to put you in harm’s way.'

"- Hey!" he said out loud, his two hands circling over his mouth as he spoke, calling her name soon after, "(f/n), you in there?" He boomed out, not receiving a reply that would calm the panic that brewed within his being.

"(f/n)! Answer me! It's me, Sam!" He exclaimed before his hand went back to the doorway, his hand tightly clutching the arch, the bruised limb crying out with pain at the unneeded force.

"(F/n)!" He said again, taking in a large breath, hearing nothing in return but the echo of his own desperate voice. With a vicious bite to his own lip, he strode forward, pushing past the cold shivers that raked him.

Once inside his eyes roamed around the walkway which led further into the home, finding nothing out of place, with not a single sign of struggle visible, and somehow it made the situation all the more distressing.

'There's not a thing out of place...' He thought to himself, knowing that the only thing that felt wrong was the dreadful vacancy of the home.

No happy Chirp welcomed him in.

No smiling, brightened face was set before him, and in that very moment, every little bit of sweet memory he had of her came to him, hitting him all at once with a powerful vengeance for daring to suppress any of it in the past. He thought of every little quirk she had, the same ones that brought a smile to him and then, if that weren't enough, he thought of her final message to him, the very one he'd only just found the courage to read,

As his eyes skimmed over the first few words, he felt his heart fasten, only imagining how the words would form when she uttered them. He'd thought about it so much, even fantasized about it that it wasn't so hard to imagine.

He envisioned the sweet curve of her lips as she said them to him, doing so just before she leaned into him with her beautiful (e/c) colored eyes shut tight, pretending that nothing existed aside from the sweet touch of their grazing skin. A crumbled nation wasn't in his hands to yet again connect, and instead, in it's place was the (h/c) haired young woman, gazing up at him with the same loving eyes she'd given him right from the start.

"I Love you," He read, repeating words that he'd long refused to ever utter, and hadn't fathomed to find meaning to ever again, not since his first love.

Whilst musing he was then halted at the sound of a familiar voice that addressed him, begging for attention.

"Sam?" It called out to him with astoundment, and at the sound of the dreadful, mocking tone, the porter's heart sank.

The Bridges's porter froze, his blue eyes set wide as he turned his head to gaze at a rather familiar face while the man it belonged to gleefully waved to him a though they were old chums in contrast to vicious foes.

The hologram that appeared before him urged him closer, his index and middle finger repeatedly curving in a fashion that beckoned him closer as though he had a little secret to tell him and it couldn't be revealed until he was near,

" I don't believe it...So...THE Sam bridges finally has the time to make his way here..." He started off, shaking his head with disbelief, "That's good to know, " He added, nodding in approval that slowly turned sour,

"I was starting to think you'd never show up," He admitted with a short mutter. "I was starting to think you forgot how to even make your way here."

"But here you are...Just ... a little too late Bridges," Higgs said while offering Sam a mock look of pity, lightly tilting his head to the side as he pressed his lips together tightly,

"So close..." He went on, pinching his fingers together, shaking his head all the while, " You were this close...So, So close if it makes you feel better," he said while pressing the digits tightly together. "You missed me by just thisss much, so we'll have to catch up another time I suppose," he said with a small shrug,

" -But before I go," Higgs said while raising up his index wagging it while nodding his head as though he'd remembered something very important, " Before I go, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine...An extra special little woman," he started a growing smile stretching his lips into a devious little curl,

"- And no, I'm not talking about your precious Amelie," He clarified.

" You've already met her, but just for the hell of it I'd like to introduce you two again," he went on before releasing a small, warm chuckle, " But I can't be too loud," he then whispered, dropping his voice down to a low breath, a gloved finger pressed to his lips,

"You see...she's asleep right now," he explained," The poor, little Angel is just so tired," he added with a blue, little sigh, which of course was all a part of his show.

"And I wouldn't want to wake her up right now," He clarified.

Just then, the image before him altered, showing not only the tall male but also capturing the image of the slumbering woman, perfectly pictured just as Sam remembered her.

It was then that Higg's gloved fingers ran over the (h/c) colored strands that fell over her face, the tips of his fingers barely grazing over her cheek as he softly moved the hair aside, each movement being gingerly sweet,

" She looks so lonely when she's this vulnerable." The short-haired male mused aloud, saying just what came to mind without a second thought. " I've had hours to stare at her like this and I still can't get over how sweet she looks," He added.

"She's breathtaking," he said while pausing for just a second,

" Isn't she beautiful?" he asked Sam, eyes looking out to the man as though he was really there, staring him down, searching for the truth. " Do you think so?" He asked with curiosity, " 'cause I think she is... I think she's damn gorgeous!" He revealed, "- A real beauty queen !" He then exclaimed strangely enough sounding prideful in the matter,

"...And she's just the sweetest," he added a soft sigh leaving him, seeming to be genuine with the admittance. "She's so sweet..." he persisted, "...So damn sweet, " he pressed on, for just a second biting his lower lip as though he were speaking of a sweet little sugar cube laying on the flat of his tongue,

"How'd you hold yourself back Bridges?" He then asked the other man, all while marveling at the sleeping woman with eyes that were unchanged from their memorized, longing state.

" 'Cause I can't keep my hands off of her," He divulged, "And it's much harder when she makes the cutest little sound when you touch her here," he said while trailing his fingers down the trim of her nightgown which ended right at her midthigh, the light, ticklish touch willing an airy, little sigh past her lips.

And at the little chime, Higgs visibly shivered, delighted of course,

"See what I mean?" He pouted, "It's like she wants me to keep going," He gloated, "But I'll just wait till later, because well, you know me, I'm a gentleman, " He proclaimed.

"With all the more reason I can't just leave here; Alone without anyone to protect her," He said with a shake to his head,

" ...without anyone to look out for her, ...without anyone to make her feel happy and loved," he added, not speaking about the breakdown she had before, but remembering it very clearly.

Of course, he adored their proximity during then. It'd been his dream to have her so close, but it'd broken his heart nonetheless, shattering the small fragments of heart he still had left.

"Such a sweet, little angel has to be tucked away, and it’s a damn same, right?" he asked Sam,

" I think It's criminal, but not much more than you hiding her away: keeping her hidden from me," Higgs said accusingly.

" I know you tried," Higgs said with mock pity. " That is why you left her heartbroken, right? " The other male questioned the Bridges porter.

"All because of little, O'l me," he added, bringing his right hands to his chest, seeming prideful with that fact. "I'm such threat to you that I'm flattered," he added with a grin, " Really ... I am," he said while chuckling, showing amusement for just a minute, when, suddenly the expression faltered, his eyes stuck on the woman instead, eyeing the state of her face as she was dozing.

'She's so damn beautiful,' He thought to himself. 'No...she's more than that. She's just precious.

You just don't belong here.

- Not in this shitty world. '

" She says she loves you so much..." Higgs started, biting his lip harshly, his hand running over his short hair, going back until his palm fell over the back of his neck, "Fuck," he sneered, " Fuck... you should just see the look in her eye when she talks about you..." he added shaking his head as he released a burst of deep, rumbling laughter.

He felt so envious over the way she'd spoken about the porter, yet, even then he made sure to engrain the sight of her beautiful face as she glowed, her eyes having little stars in them as she poured her heart out to him.

And it was so conflicting to have such a mix of emotions swaying him from bitter to sweet, every bit of him strum on every word she uttered no matter how much it scathed him.

" She says you're a hero," he started, "Get this; The guy who ditched her on her own is a hero," he added with disbelief, huffing out a bitter scoff,

' Asshole, she had only two days of supplies left when I got here; At best a fucking week if she stretched it out and starved herself, barely scaping onto life. You know damn well that only you can make your way up here.'

He thought with spite, wondering just how she could love a man that would starve her and leave her to die.

" Oh and get this," Higgs went on, " she says you're handsome...so damn handsome, you know? " he added while roaring with the same laughter.

"Her eyes belong to you," He informed the other man, detesting the fact.

'That ... and so much more.'

He'd sat through all the praise while suppressing every bit of envy he felt, hearing out just how lovingly she spoke of Sam, having had to swallow all the bitterness that he tasted.

"She'll go on and on about how blue your eyes are, or how you're greasy hair looks so so soft to her," he added while hacking in disgust. " she says she wants nothing more than to have you right there with her, laying next to her right now in fact," he said sitting down next to the woman, occupying the space that would be for the long haired brunette. " - To lay here ... right beside her every night, just to wake up face to face, cuddled up for warmth, " he said under his breath, his face slowly shifting from the lovestruck gaze to itching madness, He shuttered, visibly shaken as he glanced down at (f/n),

'You look so lovely sweetheart,' he mused, '

Just perfect.

And you need someone better than him.

You deserve so ....so much more.'

" It's all so lovely... it makes me sick." He said lowly, " I want to vomit every time she mentions you like your some sort of God," He continued, "Like you're the only thing in the world that has any meaning."

"- I can feel it travel up my stomach," he said darkly a hand falling to his abdomen as it bubbled, "And I just don't understand," he said down to the woman, seemingly speaking to her instead, his attention moving to just her.

"I don't understand why you would fix your eyes on him," he told (f/n), his fingers grazing over her lips, tracing them devotedly,

'When I'm here. When you know damn well you and I... We have something sweetie. We have something deeper...'

" Tell me, Sam, exactly why did you leave?" Higgs asked, genuinely curious because he'd seen so much sorrow fall before the woman he just had to know. He had to give her an answer. " was it because you really, really just didn't want to see her again?' He asked, insulted by the possibility of him rejecting what was possibly the perfect woman.

-Of course, he didn't want her in his arms, but even then, how dare he reject her?

How dare he throw her aside like she was some no one?

" or was it because loving her made you so sick to your stomach... if you could just see her again you'd just-" stopping, Higgs hung his head, huffing, knowing he was growing too passionate,

" You'd just lose control, " He finished in a low, shaky breath,

'because I'd understand what that's like.

I wouldn't blame you for that...

It's hard not to jump on her.

It's difficult to even be in the same room without wanting to caress her and spoil her rotten.'

" or was it because you were being considerate..." He suggested, " Was it because you couldn't bear to see this little face crying and tearing up?" He asked.

" - Is that also why you didn't look at her?

Why you simply walked away and left her sobbing?"

He questioned the other man, informing the man of just what happened after he departed, letting him know the pain he caused her.

"She cried for hours," he said while sneering, a hand pressed to his chest because he remembered that the day it all happened, he'd felt it. As crazy as it seemed he'd felt the pain echoing in his very chest. Even while he wasn't aware, he'd felt it and just knew it was his darling. He knew it was her heartache being shared with him.

" She told me... She let me know how you broke her heart..." He growled, then speaking of her confessions to him,

" And the least you could have done is said your goodbye," he added while scowling.

"Send her an apology.

Tell her it's over...

Do something for her instead of the other way around and making her wait for you to come back like an abandoned dog !" He barked accusingly.

' He took advantage of you.

He took your kindness, Your devotion and paid you back half- assed.

And you still love him.

You still respect him.

You still waited for him.

- And you're problobly dreaming of him now. '

" Don't get me wrong... I get it. I get that your a weak man," he said with understanding, hazardously glaring straight towards Sam,

' I get it...

But the difference between you and me Bridges?

I held her.

I fucking comforted her, and I made her feel me there.

You?

You NEVER touched her.

You walked away.

You're a fucking coward.

You made her cry.

You broke her down, something I would never do...

And I’m the bad guy, right? '

"It's actually funny because even if you turn away, it still happens.

Even if you decide to cower your damn face away and not look at her cry those seemingly never-ending tears they still fall and I can taste them.

I can taste each and every drop, and let me tell you; there's so fucking delicious." he admitted,

' I adore every bit of her.'

" I'm just left wanting more." He added. "I won't lie to you Sam, Why should I?

We’re at the point we’ve become well acquainted with each other.

- I'm addicted to her, " he said with a passionate assurance,

" And I'm not ashamed to admit it," he said.

"So much that I just can't share her with you anymore. I can't keep letting you hurt her. And I sure as hell can't leave her out here to fend for herself. " He rambled on,

" So don't worry about it. I'll take good care of her.

So much so, that I'll make sure she doesn't feel lonely a single day of her life...

What's left of that at least." He finished off with a little hum.

"You're welcome by the way.

I say that because you should be happy to have her taken her off your hands. I mean; you don't have to worry about her anymore, because she's fine where she is.

So just focus all of yourself on Amelie alright?

Just give your all and make mommy proud, Bridges,” He suggested. “ Make America whole! " He said with widespread arms a loud roar of laughter escaping him, not disturbing the sleeping woman as she stayed stuck in her sleep. "While me and (f/n)?" He said while a little smile fixed itself onto his features as his entire face softened down,

" You'll see me again, but her..." He said whimsically, trailing off.

“Well...(f/n),”

He started while his hands slid beneath her body, holding her princess style, her head leaned just beneath his chin before he spun with her in his grasp,

"She's just where she needs to be."

Through the entirety of the message, the standing male's heart was tightened, jabbed until it was heavily bleeding.

And he had only one thing in mind:

" I have to find her,"

Next Part : What I Have To Do

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