#hi my name is adam and i make tiny nerdy things

[tuttle-did-it]

Rewatching some of my favourite Adam from North of the Border Youtube videos. If you haven’t seen his videos, he has everything from a T-Rex with a flame thrower to Star Wars stuff to a terrifying Easter Bunny to realistic pop culture icons like Mario or Teletubbies.

He’s a lot of fun, and his videos are always interesting. Go give him some love.

[sweaterswear]

Imagine a world in which everything is the same except everything that Adam from North of the Border was real.

[simpin-for-simmons]

simmons thinks about how gay he is before sleeping: a short story

((Fair warning, some homophobia ahead. Along with, you know. An idiot ginger and his thicc boyfriend cuddling. Also I’m HELLA rusty w/ my writing, but this is just a warm up. Kinda? I don’t know.))

Simmons was supposed to be a lot of things.

For starters, he was supposed to be a jock. 

Despite his adamant insistence that he preferred math over sports, his father had been stubborn. Simmons shuddered,  remembering how his father had shoved a football helmet over his messy red hair and told him to catch a ball.

That ball ended up hitting him so hard in the stomach he vomited all over the grass.

So, clearly that hadn't worked out. His father gave up on the idea of having a jock for a son shortly after.

Simmons was also supposed to be brave. In middle school, a few nasty little bastards had cornered him and given him a black eye, laughing about his stupid name.

That day, when the poor kid had come home, his father gave him a two hour lecture about "standing up for one's self".

Simmons promised to retaliate if it happened again.

And then the next day, he tried to fight back. 

The second he threw a single punch, the bigger kid had grabbed his arm. It was all blurry after that, but Simmons's mother had to leave work to pick him up after all the injuries he'd sustained.

Turns out punching a kid twice your size wasn't a good idea. 

So he wasn't brave, either.

But his dad could live with that. Fine, he'd said. Fine, be a nerdy kid. 

And Simmons had felt a weight be lifted off his shoulders. Finally, he could be himself.

Or so he thought.

There was one thing about him that his family, or at least, his father, couldn't live with. One, teeny, tiny little detail that Simmons had spent most of his life trying to hide.

He thought back to a fateful day in middle school. One of those shitty school dances, where all the kids spent the night high on bootleg Kool-Aid and dry humping each other on a cafeteria-turned-dance-floor.  

Simmons hadn't wanted to even be there, but his sister was going to be elected the middle school equivalent of Prom Queen, so she insisted he be there.

Simmons remembered his father telling him, "No son of mine is going to be dateless." And then before he could protest he was going to the dance with one of his sister's friends.

He didn't know her very well. But he figured fine, it's just one night.

She had started chatting with him, although he had no idea what she was talking about. Girl drama, he figured? Anyway, it wasn't really chatting. She kept talking and he was trying to listen, but all he could manage to respond with was "uh" or "yeah". 

After what felt like hours, (it was only twenty minutes, really) she stood up and offered Simmons her hand.

He took it and she led him around the back of the cafeteria, where the tables and chairs were stacked up. 

"The dumbass chaperones can't see us back here," she had said. 

"Uh huh," Simmons had replied, confused. 

"You should make out with me," she said, and Simmons froze.

She gave him a funny look. "Oh, it's okay if you haven't kissed anyone before. I haven't either."

 Then she'd leaned in and kissed him, on the lips. Without warning.

And Simmons screamed. 

He shoved her off. Vaguely he was aware of everyone turning their heads towards him, but pure fear told him to ignore it. He'd stammered something about having to go and had ran away, hiding in the bathroom for the rest of the night. 

He didn't see her again after that. Of course, he didn't have any classes with her, with him being in all the accelerated ones.

During the ride home, his sister apologized for her friend. "I thought you liked her back," she admitted, shrugging. "I thought it was a perfect match."

"What happened?" his father asked.

"Oh, Dick screamed when Hannah kissed him," his sister had said so nonchalantly.

His father was silent after that.

The whole ride home was silent after that.

When they got home, Simmons's father grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the bedroom.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked, entirely serious. 

"Do what?" Simmons asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"You know what I mean, boy," his father growled. "Tell me, son, are you gay?"

"Wh-what-"

"Answer me," the older man snapped. 

"N-no," Simmons stammered. Gay? He wasn't gay. No. Nope. No siree.

Definitely not even the slightest little bit attracted to anything but girls. Yup.

"You'd better not be," his father said. And then he'd walked off, leaving Simmons standing in the bedroom, terrified. 

And that night, as he sobbed quietly in bed, Simmons realized how much of a disappointment he really was to his father.

So, recap. Simmons was not a jock. Simmons was not brave.

And the biggest sin of all.

Simmons was not straight.

And he couldn't help but feel the panic flaring up in his chest as warm arms wrapped around his chest and warm breath hit his neck.

Simmons let out a shaky breath as he tilted his head to look at the body wrapped around him. 

Grif was sound asleep, snoring quietly. 

Simmons closed and opened his eyes, breathing in slowly. 

Everytime he slept with Grif, he remembered everything bad about himself.

Everytime he slept with Grif, he thought about how fucking gay he was, and how his father must hate him. 

Grif mumbled something and buried his face into the back of Simmons's neck.

"What?" Simmons said, snapping out of his trance.

"Go back to sleep," Grif grumbled. "You wiggle too much."

"I'm not wiggling, I'm getting comfy!" Simmons protested.

The only response he got was "mhm" and he felt himself be pulled closer. 

"Grif! You're going to smother me, you fat fuck!" Simmons snapped.

"Too late. Comfy," was the Hawaiin man's response. "You know you like it."

"I-"

And he thought about it.

He did like it.

He liked Grif. A lot.

Well, when he wasn't being a fucking pig and leaving his trash everywhere or falling asleep on command to avoid work. 

But…

"Grif?" Simmons whispered.

"Sleeeep."

Simmons bit his lip and decided to roll over. This made Grif make a soft complaint at the movement, but he quickly made a happier sound when he felt Simmons's face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you," Simmons mumbled, curling up in Grif's arms. "I don't care what my dad says. Grif, I love you. I really, really love you. I-"

"Whoa, Jesus, slow down," Grif complained. "Lovey dovey shit in the morning, sleep now."

After a moment of quiet, Grif added, "I love you, too."

And Simmons, for the first time in a long, long while, wondered if amidst all the failure in his life… Maybe he was supposed to be where he was now? With Grif’s arms around him, warm and safe?

Hm. He liked that thought.

[beyond-the-yellowbrickroad]

Movies Watched in 2019 - Filmes assistidos em 2019 (part two / segunda parte)

111. About a Boy (2002) Directed by Chris Weitz, Paul Weitz

I liked it a lot! The Kid is amazing and just imagine my face when I found out he was Nicholas Hoult…

112. Hotel Mumbai (2018) Directed by Anthony Maras

It’s a very heavy movie to watch, even more because is based in a real life history… the amazing cast helps to make it even more realistic.

113. Toy Story 4 (2019) Directed by Josh Cooley

I’m angry and very disappointed. It may sound childish of me because “people change” and “leave our lives” but was that really necessary? I think NOT!

114. Widows (2018) Directed by Steve McQueen

I didn’t like it that much but it was probably my fault… I was expecting something more like Ocean’s 8, but it’s completely different from that. Anyway, the cast is great.

115. Final Destination (2000) Directed by James Wong

116. The Final Destination (2009) Directed by David R. Ellis

117. Final Destination 5 (2011) Directed by Steven Quale

So I re-watched all of the “Final Destination” Series at once, and I had the most fun!

I had already seen de second and the third one when I was little (I was about 6 or 7, grown ups were crazy in the early 2000′s) but I had never seen the others and, for my surprise, I loved almost all of them! (I really don’t like the fourth one and I rather pretend it doesn’t exist)

The second one is still my favorite, but the others are as crazy and fun! I LOVED IT!

AND THE ENDING OF THE FIFTH MOVIE, OMG, I WAS NOT READY!!!

118. Liar Liar (1997) Directed by Tom Shadyac

Jim Carrey making funny faces for no reason for 86 minutes straight

119. John Wick (2014) Directed by Chad Stahelski

120. John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) Directed by Chad Stahelski

121. John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) Directed by Chad Stahelski

So I also watched all the “John Wick” movies all at once and all I can say is: it’s really great to see treined assassings kill people to revenge their dogs and to see Keanu Reeves being amazing, sexy AND kicking other people’s asses.

122. The Perfection (2018) Directed by Richard Shepard

I saw this weeks ago and I still am absolutely shocked with everything that happened in this movie

123. Us (2019) Directed by Jordan Peele

Literally, a masterpiece of horror and comedy. The cast it’s incredible!

124. The Lion King (2019) Directed by Jon Favreau

Nice, but… it’s the same as the original, but more… dull. Impossible not to have fun though, because it’s the same movie as the original.

125. Long Shot (2019) Directed by Jonathan Levine

Now I really want to go to a club with Charlize!!

126. The Angel (2018) ‘El Ángel’ Directed by Luis Ortega

Beautiful photography, and the cast is really great! The music is also incredible.

127. Hello, My Name Is Doris (2015) Directed by Michael Showalter

It’s a nice reminder that everyone has it’s own time for doing things… sometimes you star things eary and sometimes, other things happen in life before others, and that OK! I loved it!

128. The Lake House (2006) Directed by Alejandro Agresti

It’s romantic, well done and super interesting! Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock looked so good together! I really loved this sci-fi love story.

129. Pride & Prejudice (2005) Directed by Joe Wright

Honestly, everything is absolutely pefect in this movie… like when Mr. Darcy always look’s like he’s about to throw up everytime Lizzie is around, how Mr. Bingley is an absolutely sunshine, how Jane it’s his perfect match, how Lizzie is perfecly sassy and smart… I, obviously, and I can not stress this enough: THE HAND FLEX!!! (and when Mr. Darcy cofesses his eternal love to Lizzie in the rain and them they fight and them they almost kiss… AMAZING CINEMA!)

I loved the movie and I can’t wait to finally find time to read the book too…

130. Creep (2014) Directed by Patrick Brice

131.  Creep 2 (2017) Directed by Patrick Brice

Both weird movies, but the first one is more amazing because you spend more than a half of it not knowing what it’s happening.

132. Vox Lux (2018) Directed by Brady Corbet

Natalie Portman is amazing and this movie is also weird.

133. Austenland (2013) Directed by Jerusha Hess

A thriling saga to my Pride and Prejudice / Jane Austen obcession…

So, the fake Mr. Darcy (Mr. Noble) looks like young Tom Hiddleston so now I have a huge crush on him.

Also, I think it’s a very fun movie and I had a good time.  

134. Good Sam (2019) Directed by Kate Miles Melville

Fun, I guess… honestly, the romance was unecessary.

135. Almost Famous (2000) Directed by Cameron Crowe

The bus scene when they all are down and then suddenly starts singing to “Tiny Dancer”… The most beautiful thing I saw in my life.

136. The Losers (2010) Directed by Sylvain White

It’s a very fun movie!

But I have an observation: It just don’t sound truthful that people would make fun of a hot, nerdy, super uncle, not being that good with girls Chris Evans… really, he is absolutely hot and cute in this movie, it just not make sense!

137. Sing (2016) Directed by Garth Jennings

I watched this because of Taron Egerton singing “I’m Still Standing”, but I loved it for so much more!!!

138. Candy Jar (2018) Directed by Ben Shelton

Fun for spending the time.

139. The Red Sea Diving Resort (2019) Directed by Gideon Raff

Nice movie and great cast!

(also, I know thi isn’t the point but Chris Evans is beautiful in this movie to)

140. The Jane Austen Book Club (2007) Directed by Robin Swicord

I loved this so much, but I also feel kind of sad because I don’t have friends to make a Jane Austen book club with me and also I will never get married with nerdy and cute Hugh Dancy.

141. The Hustle (2019) Directed by Chris Addison

Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson deserved better!

142. The Sun Is Also a Star (2019) Directed by Ry Russo-Young

I don’t want to be mean but, this was horrible!

143. Descendants 3 (2019) Directed by Kenny Ortega

This movie was already going to be very emotional because is the last one of the trilogy, but the recent evens with the super talented actor Cameron Boyce, it was twice as emotional... I cryed a lot.

Also, the movie is increadible in every way: the songs, the dancing, the characters, the cast... I loved it!

144. Brightburn (2019) Directed by David Yarovesky

Well, that was a disaster...

145. Parasite (2019) ‘기생충’ Directed by Bong Joon Ho

Okay, so this movie... there’s so much to talk about this movie...but I don’t want to spoil it... BUT,  everything is absolutely PERFECT! OMG! I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!

146. Otherhood (2019) Directed by Cindy Chupack

Great cast, fun to watch!

147. The Craft (1996) Directed by Andrew Fleming

ICONIC!

148. Wild Child (2008) Directed by Nick Moore

EMMA ROBERTS: I’m sorry for every time that I sayd that you were not a great actress. You are, and this movie is a masterpiece.

149. Mandy (2018) Directed by Panos Cosmatos

That was a crazy ride and I LOVED IT! Nick Cage it’s amazing in this and I really love this scrypt.

150. Falling Inn Love (2019) Directed by Roger Kumble

This couple is so beautiful and I really wish they could date me as well.

151. Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009) Directed by Marc Lawrence

I did not like the movie that much but the cast is nice, so is not that bad to wach.

152. Bacurau (2019) Directed by Juliano Dornelles, Kleber Mendonça Filho

This was, honestly, the best thing I saw the entire year. It made so happy and proud of my own culture, and was so increadible to watch, with a great cast and characters that are truly amazing... and as if all of this wasn’t enough, the movie (as a coincidence) talks direcly with Brazil’s currently politic scene. 

When the movie was over, I felt like crying of happines... I so proud o f brazilian cinema and how it gets better and bigger each year!!  

PURE PERFECTION. 

153. Between Two Ferns: The Movie (2019) Directed by Scott Aukerman

There was scenes that I really found funny and there were times that I was just confused... but I liked it.

154. Last Holiday (2006) Directed by Wayne Wang

QUEEN LATIFAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!!

Honestly, this movie is everything a romcom should be... PERFECT! 

155. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) Directed by Lasse Hallström, Joe Johnston

I’m absolutely angry with the fact that Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in the same movie and they even looked at each other! CRAZY THING RIGHT?

156. Rumor Has It… (2005) Directed by Rob Reiner

Just imagine a world were Jenifer Aniston and Mark Ruffalo are a couple... 

The movie was SO WEIRD!!! (but good) 

157. It Chapter Two (2019) Directed by Andy Muschietti

The first one still is my favorite, BUT this is so great... I’m not even going to begin to write about the cast, ‘cause everyone knows it’s absolutely PERFECT, but really, BILL HADER GUYS! JUST, AMAZING.

Anyway, I did not got even a little scared, but who cares, it’s a great movie.

Also, the scene were Bill Skarsgård  show up without the Pennywise makeup... his acting was SO GREAT!

 158. Midsommar (2019) Directed by Ari Aster

Today I saw someone describe this movie as “a bunch of white people killing other people and dancing in circles” and honestly, this is the perfect description for this.

159. Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé (2019) Directed by Beyoncé Knowles

i CAN’T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE FEELINGS I FELT SEEING THIS! This woman is beautiful, super talented and a genius! 

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BEYONCÉ IN THE MAKING!! 

160. Frozen (2010) Directed by Adam Green

HORRIBLE! OH MY GOD! I FELT SO BAD WATCHING THIS, IT WAS TERRIFYING! OMG!

161. Hush (2016) Directed by Mike Flanagan

I NEVER FELT SO UNCONFORTABLE IN MY LIFE! Truly a good idea for a scary movie and a very well executed one to! Loved it!

162. El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (2019) Directed by Vince Gilligan

The perfect ending for one of the best suporting characters on a TV Series.

163. Little Monsters (2019) Directed by Abe Forsythe

Lupita Nyong'o deserves way more recognition from the Movies Industry because she is so great and even with a fucking OSCAR on her shelf, she barely has any leading characters on her career and is SO UNFAIR!

This movies is funny, scary, the cast is great and there’s Shake it Off by Taylor Swift was sang by a bunch of kids and Lupita dressed on a beautiful yellow dress all dirty of zombie blood, sooo... you should go and watch it!

164. The Blair Witch Project (1999) Directed by Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sánchez

The movie it’s okay until it gets on it’s last 15 to 10 minutes... then so much starts to happen and you just want to stop seeing it, but can’t because you want to know the ending of it, and it’s so scary and crazy... Really I totally get why lots of people are crazy about this one... SO SCARY!

Also, look out for the website they made for the three filmakers that “disapeared” ( AKA were killed by the Blair Witch), it’s so good and there’s a lot of more information that makes the movie even more scary.

165. Yesterday (2019) Directed by Danny Boyle

It could be SO GOOD! But it was SO BAD! Lili was this movie, the guy that played Richie in Skins was in this movie and I still did not like it... The sountrack was made by BEATLES SONGS and I still did not like it... SAD.

166. The Witches (1990) Directed by Nicolas Roeg

NOT A KIDS MOVIE! Really, it’s so scary! OMG!

167. Shaun of the Dead (2004) Directed by Edgar Wright

It’s a very diferent zombie movie, but I really liked it! 

168. Maid in Manhattan (2002) Directed by Wayne Wang

IT WAS JUST LIKE CAMP ROCK!!

Very cheesy, not the best romcom I ever watched, but also not the worse... If you want a good JLopez movie, go see Monster In Law!

169. Monster House (2006) Directed by Gil Kenan

ALSO NOT A KIDS MOVIE! This was actually very little apropriate to kids and so fucking sacry, OMG, how this was made up to be a kids movie? 

170. mother! (2017) Directed by Darren Aronofsky

I will never get over this movie, I feel marked for the rest of my life, thanks very much Aronofsky! (no, really, THANKS!)

171. The Meddler (2015) Directed by Lorene Scafaria

Honestly, the “I was visiting my daughter, she just shot a pilot!” joke was THE BEST THING I EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! Also, “I have to go home, my hands are loud!”.

172. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) Directed by Stephen Chiodo

I don’t even know what to write about this one... It was weird and not scary at all, but was kind of... diffent? I mean, you don’t get literally scared but you feel unconfotable, like, a lot! Go check it out and you will hopefully understand what kind of feeling I’m trying to describe, it’s just... weird.

173. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) Directed by André Ovredal

WHAT ON EARTH PEOPLE KEEP MAKING THOSE SUPER SCARY MOVIES ANT SAYING THEY ARE FOR KINDS? This was so scary Jesus, and It was great. But not for kids.

If you read the books I don’t know how you going to feel about it, but in my experience from movie adapttions from books, you probably going to feel like shit. But I did’t read the books and loved it, so, you might to :)

174. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) Directed by Joe Berlinger

Not ever close to be as great as the first one, it’s crazier, more things happen and you still feel crazy with the characters, but, it’s not as great. But it would be a great stanalone, if the first one did not existed. 

175. Vacation (2015) Directed by John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. Goldstein

This is a comedic MASTERPIECE and I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! 

I love comedy movies, but I always expect to much of them... but this served me EVERYTHING that a good comedy should have to make me laugh until my breath runs out. LOVED IT!

176. Walk the Line (2005) Directed by James Mangold

Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are absolutely babes and so increadibly talented! 

The movie is a bit slow (maybe only if you not a particularly big Cash fan), but is great! 

177. Love Happens (2009) Directed by Brandon Camp

Jennifer Aniston is amazing and goergeous as always but I didn’t conect with the characters so... it didn’t work to much for me, but it’s not bad eigther.

178. John Tucker Must Die (2006) Directed by Betty Thomas

Talking about perfect comedies, this is ONE OF THEM! FOR SURE! 

179. You’ve Got Mail (1998) Directed by Nora Ephron

I’ve got three things to say:

One: TOM HANKS

Two: I could never date someone that led me to bankruptcy, I could however punch this person multiple times.

Three: MEG RYAN!!!

180. The Prince & Me (2004) Directed by Martha Coolidge

Okay, so I was not expecting anything big from this movie and I only watched it because of Julia Stiles, BUT OMG I’m so thakfull that I gave it a chance, because it’s an amazingly done cliché and the Prince it’s totally hot!

 181. Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019) Directed by James Bobin

I WAS SO SURPRISED THAT IT WAS SO GOOD! I really wasn’t expecting that! SO GOOD! 

182. Me Before You (2016) Directed by Thea Sharrock 

méh.

But Emilia, I want to be your best friend!

183. Late Night (2019) Directed by Nisha Ganatra

To Queens that almost coused my death because of how much a I laughed in this... it’s ligh, fun and dramtic and real... AMAZING!

184. Let It Snow (2019) Directed by Luke Snellin 

Kiernan Shipka and  Mitchell Hope singing The Whole of the Moon awakend my bissexuality.

Shameik Moore and Isabela Merced to!

185. When Harry Met Sally… (1989) Directed by Rob Reiner

MEG RYAN!!! 

So... this is the movie that every fanfic is based on? I really loved it!

186. Bringing Down the House (2003) Directed by Adam Shankman

Queen Latifah always brings a smile to my face... she’s perfect!

187. Joker (2019) Directed by Todd Phillips

Huum... Joaquin Phoenix it’s a very great actor, OMG! 

188. Penelope (2006) Directed by Mark Palansky 

It was very hard for me to watch this movie and not get distracted by James MacAvoy’s perfect face and body and not so perfect hair in this one, but does anybody really care? It’s beautiful James McAvoy! 

Also, the movie is so great! I didn’t knew about the plot and I was so surprised! It’s very, very good! 

I love the final scene when Penelope just let’s the children run wild while she swings with her hot boyfriend...

“Take of your mask!” ~proceds to kiss Christina Ricci very dramaticly~

189. Mad Money (2008) Directed by Callie Khouri

Everything about this movie was PERFECT

190. Baywatch (2017) Directed by Seth Gordon

Great opening scene, the rest was kind of a mess.

191. Noelle (2019) Directed by Marc Lawrence

CUTE! CUTE! CUTE! 

But I will complain about the lack of Bill Hader content.

192. Every Day (2018) Directed by Michael Sucsy

Another surprise this year, a very good one! 

It’s cute and dramatic, also, this actress kissed every teeneger and young adult in Hollywood!

193. Over Her Dead Body (2008) Directed by Jeff Lowell

A good and weird movie! Gave a few laughs. 

Paul Rudd is in it, so, totally worth it!

194. The Skeleton Twins (2014) Directed by Craig Johnson

A dramatic, surprising and “few good” comedy! 

I really wish I could hang out on Halloween with Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig...

195. Eat Pray Love (2010) Directed by Ryan Murphy

I didn’t quite understood her journey but I quite liked it. 

Veeeery long movie.

196. Death at a Funeral (2007) Directed by Frank Oz

197. Death at a Funeral (2010) Directed by Neil LaBute

I know I should have loved the original version more but the american version... I don’t know what it is (probably the many actors that I absolutely LOVE), but I coul not stop laughing! 

James Marsden was an absolute STAR! 

198. The Other Woman (2014) Directed by Nick Cassavetes

I wish I could personally thank Cameron Diaz for every great movie I watched because of her.

Thank you, Mrs. Diaz! 

That last scene was peak COMEDY!!!

199. The Back-Up Plan 2010 Directed by Alan Poul

JLo! PERFECT!

Honestly, I was thinking this movie was going to be very problematic, but it wasn’t that much... it was actually pretty cute! The birth scene was sacry and funny at the same time!! 

200. Muriel's Wedding 1994 Directed by P.J. Hogan

Don’t judge me, I didn’t liked it, it fact, It made me feel pretty shitty, so I just wnat to forget that it existis. 

[bilgisticallykosher]

Reminder that I’m totally down to give specific warnings or descriptions or help people navigate through the video if anyone needs.

Warnings (aside from the obvious): Long post, lots of caps lock, long rambling with a large degree of incoherence. I titled this “me screaming at the new video” in docs. I was real accurate.  It took me over 2 hours to watch this thing because I kept pausing to not shut up. This is 5 pages in docs.

Okay, JUST looking at the cover, I-  are those tentacles? IS this a new side? Octoside? I can already hear all the names were going to give him. Oliver, Octavio, October wait no that’s already a Sanders shorts. Okay, intrusive thoughts, that's… Roman’s already a supplier of those. Fandom agrees, “Don’t think about your naked Aunt Patty.” So, maybe Depression? Anger? Or, is it Roman still, after all? Because I see the word Creativity there. Or tentaclereativity. So it’s still Roman, but I’m convinced that his opposite is Virgil, although I’m also sure that they implied Pride in the Halloween episode. Something about “proud of it” and then they said “let’s table that discussion for another time.”

Ugh, Roman’s been doing so wonderful on his own. He’s just been owning up to insecurities, and it’s been great. This is going to be highly related to him. Although, Patton looks like the one trying to block him out? Roman’s concerned, Logan’s miffed, Virgil is angry, and oh my god is that a MOUSTACHE OKAY I’M WATCHING. 

Content warning, oh my gosh, they were not kidding. Does that seriously say death and blood and gore? I’m just getting more hype. I mean, intrusive thoughts, I’m sure nothing will permanently, physically happen to them.  (Goodbye Fresh.) 

Dark circles under Thomas’s eyes, implication of sleep deprivation, or something with Virgil?

“The human connection will make me feel more like a person,” I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. Credits! Great job everyone! I know everyone worked real hard on this. 

Okay, Thomas in his robe, very reminiscent of Excepting Anxiety. Blasé attitude, too. Hmm, trouble sleeping (tires), overstating ‘everything going wrong,’ definitely seems like Virgil’s territory. 

Woah there he is. He’s, he’s really angry? And Patton’s voice is strained. What is happening, does Patton know……whatever, or WHOever? Yeah, he’s shifty eyed. He knows. Virgil definitely knows, and it’s not him. Oh man oh man. Oh, confirmed, they’re in on trying to avoid the conversation. GREAT TEAM WORK, PAT! Doing great, buddy. 

Roman’s rhymes are amazing. Definitely misery, though. Alright, so Thomas is having thoughts that make Virgil act up, and either he’s telling Patton, or Patton knows because of emotions. 

Roman’s so much better at summoning than Logan. And Logan knows?! Ooh, sore spot for them here. Patton oh noooo. That’s easy for you to say? 

I love the idea that, 1, Logan Falsehood’d as a reaction and an example on purpose, and 2, that he’s got a limit of one per day. 

ALRIGHT! I’ve got it. They don’t want Roman to know because he’s going to, intentionally or not, expand on whatever the thoughts are. He’s Creativity and dreams, it’s what he does and he’s not going to be able to help it, intrusive thoughts, this IS Roman-centric! Poor boy. (Kraken, sushi. Those tentacles mean something. Also the tentacle represents the C, I understand the title image now.) Yeah, they don’t want him inadvertently going into daydream mode. 

I have never seen this movie. These are freaking top-notch jokes, though. WOAH, THOMAS. Not good. Really not good. I’m still hype. Oh, is that the sort of death mention that

Television: [has hands]

Me: [strangled squeaking noise] 

Okay, I’m having, okay. Okay. Okay. I’m fine. I just. I need. Okay. I’m fine. Need a moment. Freaking out, in, a good way? I just. Really unexpected, even though I saw the hands. Oh my gosh. Can the others see him????? Because they’re looking at Roman they should see him. I didn’t know I could make that noise, but apparently I can. And I can hold it. And make it slowly go higher pitched. Okay. Okay. I’m fine now. Maybe. Okay. Hypening.

OH THEY CAN okay, oh dissonant voice. What sort of overdramatic staff is this dork NO ROMAN. 

THE DUKE?! WHAT!!! Getting heavy Warfstache vibes, btw, and why does he have a grey streak? Virgil and Logan are unconcerned about Roman, so I guess he’s fine. 

Is this a song? What is his outfit, omg. His mustache is fabulous. His eyes are kinda ringed.  in purple? 

What is happening, oh my god. Oh here’s the religious commentary, I guess. This is fine, I’m okay with this. But he’s playing Adam AND Eve himself. Dramatic dork confirmed. Oooh, you lack imagination. He IS Roman’s opposite, dang. I was so sure it was Virgil. Also YES green’s my favorite color! 

Hahaaaa! Tiny little aunt Patty naked post-it! Patton’s so distressed, Virgil ANGERY. A to Z is incredible. I missed some lyrics there; I’ll catch it when I watch it with captions the next five times. I mean, uh, no, I’d never… ten times. Nice blood spatter! What is he doing to them! What’s with the size thing? Is that a thing he can do? Or creative (heh) liberty due to song? 

SNAKE how’d I not guess that from Adam and Chava SNAKE IT’S SNAKE!

I don’t get the hand image. What is that? So far kind of the same sort of vibe from Deceit and Duke- oooh, both Ds. The whole, own up to who you are, stop lying to yourself. 

“You’ve got a fiend in me!” “Squeak!”

Oh, oh no, he’s really not quite like Deceit. He’s saying that these things make Thomas evil. Definitely not a Deceit thing to do. 

EDITING PRAISE! YOU GUYS. You guys are incredible, you did such a good job. 

“I’m your Creativity!” Officially calling those things fart trumpets. 

Oh, is he actually Creativity? Okay I’ll roll with it. Oh my gosh it’s only ten minutes into it and I can’t shut up. Virgil is so uncomfortable. 

Never bring [Jeffery Dahmer] up again got a GREAT face from Duke. Oh man. Is that true about him trying to repress those thoughts?

WHITE BEAR that episode of Black Mirror might make more sense now. 

Impressive hair blowing from Virgil, that’s the hair blowing equivalent of what Dr. Horrible did with his fingers in Brand New Day. 

Patton called Roman handsome, and I knew that second most handsome prince bit in the last episode was something he’d say, not just him trying to be all lawyer-y! (Ooh, foreboding music…)

Honestly, Logan was, if anything, even more chill about lying in CLBG, and Deceit in general (his scales are quite smooth). By comparison, he’s going off on the Duke. OOH, I KNEW THAT ABOUT THE WORD DORK! 

Ohhh my gosh the costumes are opposites! I, almost realized that, about color theory, and then forgot about the sash. And those shoulder pads are massive, Duke! Did you steal Roman’s puppet chin to make those? 

Joan! Haha, I love it, definitely something they would do. Interesting, you can hear an overlay of Joan’s voice, and Duke’s voice. Why can’t the Duke do it as well as anyone else? What did Virgil realize during the twin explanation? Hey, Cayin and Hevel, more Genesis. 

Did he mention friends and family? Oh my gosh, self-immolation is terrible, I looked it up. Like, uh, suicide for a public purpose, or to make a point? 

Laugh! Dork laugh! There’s the implication of them knowing each other. 

Oh, okay, okay. So, Virgil’s anxious, because in and of itself, whatever it was that he was thinking/obsessing over was bad. His anxiety is, well, cognitive distortions. That’s why everyone’s all bothered. Yeah, point to Logan on that oh my god, what is that camera angle, I love it.

Duke is JP confirmed. Ripped off nipples. JP from Wade’s (lordminion777) circle of friends, salty boys. That’s still their official name, right? Anyway, he’s JP.

Oh, I saw dripping off of that hand. That sequence is getting longer every time. 

Who are those, I don’t recognize them? “I’m about to smash the Hulk” you guys I think I love the Duke a little bit a lot. 

Patton, no, that’s- Patton! “That’s what repression is?” Ooh, tense Virgil moment with Logan. Yet, also touching? 

“Well THAT can’t be where the bar is.” !!!

Weird Duke blink during religion talk. It’s so funny looking at this though a Jewish perspective. It’s similar, but just a little off. And we don’t do the 7 deadly sins thing. 

Figuratively! 

Wait it’s coming from Virgil?! Uh, uh, anxious about being a bad person, subconsciously projecting it onto Thomas?

Patton too?! Oh, wait, yeah, this comes back to repression that makes sense. Oh my gosh, Logan. ! Can the Duke do the Deceit silence thing oh no, no he can’t. Close. Teeth are an improvement I think. 

Hey isn’t there an incorrect quote about Virgil drinking shampoo? 

Remus?! Oh my gosh are you KIDDING me? A new side, PLUS his name? Oh, oh that’s so clever, Roman. Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus. So clever! And definitely butt trumpets, from earlier, because AVPM’s Lupin had butt trumpets. 

Oh, direct shot and reaction at Virgil not hiding anything. And okay, I’ve changed my mind like 10 times, but I think I get it now. Haha, Logan! It was like a pop quiz! And Thomas cursed!

The scream darkened the room, that was awesome. But nobody cared. Ah, secretly a Patton and Virgil arc! 

Oh my god, Patton had a look of realization when Virgil was listing off things, is he going to tell him to not skip the callback?!

[Sad poopy noises.] Logan’s on fire today! Yes! 

Oh, he’s gone? Ha, nope! Oh it got worse, haha!

Patton, control, it’s happening! Oh, wait no. 

Virgil really used to fear him? And, oh, what were those exchanged looks during “just like old times”? Logan and Patton, and maybe Roman figured it out? Does Virgil know that? 

Roman! 

Nerdy Wolverine. Ahh, cool! Dukey problem! Oooh return of “I don’t like him.”

What, brother?! So that’s an actual thing now? But okay, alright, I guess Logan’s thing from before. NOPE EVERYTHING’S FINE NEVER COMING BACK. Romaaaaan.

Dark sides? “Others.” Oh, Thomas for sure doesn’t know. Oh dear. OH MUSIC it’s swelling oh my gosh, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell.  Gasp! He told, and oh, so sad, and oh no he’s just sinking out?! My poor baby little precious oh I immediately see why Patton had a problem with coddling him.

Oh, oh Thomas is so confuddled. There’s going to be so many angst fics. I will read them all. 

Alright, actually a hilarious ad.  Way to incorporate intrusive thoughts into it! END CARD holy- REMUS! Oh the deodorant. And again. Nice knife, he’s going to- yep, deodorant. Oh he’s done, but he’ll have another- yep. What the heck is it, actually? 

THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT! PFF that’s going to be some fics also. Officially: I love Remus. 

Final thoughts; I’m in love, I was so wrong about “they wouldn’t throw a new side or plot relevance at us with all these warnings,” everyone freaking outdid themselves, this must have happened so soon after Selfishness vs. Selflessness, I love him, I really dug a lot of that humor, my taste in music is way worse than anything Remus threw at us (ask me about that), WHAT WERE THE THOUGHTS with the dripping hand bit, S v. S part 2 is definitely the next one, and I freaking love this video. 

[demon-sneeze]

Supernatural Survey

I was tagged by @wayward-mirage Love you!! I spent waaaayy too much time on this!

1. What season did you start watching Supernatural?

In-between s11 and s12. I binged it all in 4 weeks while also going to band camp during the days. Needless to say, it was one of the most exhausting , unhealthy times of my life. And I wouldn't trade it for the world :)

2. Who was the first character you fell in love with?

Probably Sam, but the whole first 3 seasons I was waiting for Cas to show up. I knew he would be a major character and I was 100% ready to give my fangirl soul to him. Funny story, I remember watching Lazarus Rising for the first time and I saw Misha Collins’s name. I was like, “she sounds familiar, who’s she?” so I paused the episode and looked up the name. I was like, “Oh, Misha’s a boy. And he plays Castiel! okay then.”

3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love?

Probably Meg, I can’t say I LOVE her now, but I went from  hating her to liking her pretty well.

4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with?

The real question is “Which character WOULD’NT I most want to be in a long-term relationship with!” There’s a lot of benefits to each one. Like think about how great it would be to have Gabriel around when you’re on your period. All the chocolate you could ever want, a heat pack that never cools, and he would TOTALLY be a cuddler.

5. If you could go on just one date with one character, which one would you choose?

Crowley. You may be thinking, why him?! I’ll tell ya, it because think of all the fancy crap that date would consist of. Fancy dinner, fancy clothes.. ect. it’d be so fun! Plus think of all the flirting and pet names!

6. What would you do on the date?

Either an expensive restaurant or a dance of some kind.

7. Which character would you most want to be like?

Probably Sammy, forgiving, compassionate, loyal, brave, humble.. just so much to love about Sam.

8. Which character would you most like to see brought back from the dead?

GABE THE BABE

9. Which character would you most like to punch?

Stealing wayward-mirage’s answer! Metatron!

10. Who is your absolute favorite character?

THIS ONE IS SOOO DIFFICULT BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE FOUR MAIN FAVES. Imma break the rules and tell you my top four. In reality they all share the number one spot. Castiel, Gabriel, Lucifer and Crowley.

11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst?

Dick Roman. He had no real motivation besides wanting to take over the world. That being said, I liked the lore behind his character and I actually enjoyed season 7. it was like a breath of fresh air and really broke the mold. Plus, the Hallucifer stuff was GOLD. The only thing I didn't like about it was the fact that Cas was barely in it at all. “Real” Cas anyway. Crazy!Cas just made me kinda sad.

12. Which character are you most like?

Probably Jo or Charlie. Nerdy like Charlie and the “brave even when you’re scared” “If this is my last night on earth, I’m gonna spend it with a little something called self-respect” attitude. Also dean because I hate myself I mean what.

13. What death hit you the hardest?

Cas at the end of s6/beginning of s7, and most recently, Crowley. Gabe in 5.19 also still hurts REALLY bad. (the death scream)

14. What season finale hit you the hardest?

S12 as it was my first watching live.

15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes?

(You’re gonna see my Gabe favoritism REAL bad here.)

1) Changing Channels

2) Mystery Spot

3) Stuck in the Middle (With You)

4) Tall Tales

5) Don’t Call Me Shurley

6) Swan Song

7) Fan Fiction

8) The French Mistake

9) Weekend at Bobby’s

10) Repo Man

16. What’s been your favorite season?

Season 5 but season 7 is actually one of my faves.

17. Who is your favorite angel?

Castiel, Gabe and Lucifer are my faves. I can’t pick just one.

18. Who’s your favorite demon?

Crowley obviously. lol

19. Who’s your favorite evil character?

What counts as an evil character? That's the true question. I think my favorite “evil” character is Lucifer.

20. Do you have any Supernatural ships?

Destiel, Sam/Elieen, Sam/the golden retriever from Dark Side of the Moon (jk XD) a lil bit of Sastiel and Samifer. (don't shoot me)

21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor?

Rob Benedict and Richard Speight Jr. are my favorite actors on the whole show. 

22. What’s your favorite quote from the show?

“Yes, well... before I was very self assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it's just people trying to do their best in a world where is far to easy to do your worst.” - Castiel

That quote is from 10.9 The Things We Left Behind.

23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you chose?

Norman Reedus. I love him in TWD, my mom loves him there too, and hes already got connections with Misha and JDM. It’d be a perfect fit.

24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creature would you like to see included?

The Rake. Think of how fricking terrifying that would be.

25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with?

Lisa maybe? Although it became more than just a “hook-up” later on.

26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with?

The chick who believed in aliens from Clap Your Hands If You Believe.

27. What are some of your favorite convention moments?

That time when the little girl, Piper, asked Mark S. what Crowley sold his soul for. Anything karaoke. That time Jensen and Misha showed their underwear to each other.

28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character described?

A fangirl who falls from our world into theirs but is sensible unlike Becky. More of a Charlie kind of character. I’d basically want to be me. Unlike most fans, I actually think I would make a pretty good hunter.

29. What do you hope to see in the next season?

Destiel. Crowley.

30.-40. If you had to choose…

Bobby or John? Bobby

Bela or Ruby? Bela

Jess or Madison? Jess

Jo or Lisa? Jo

Charlie or Kevin? Charlie

Balthazar or Ash? Balthazar

Cas or Crowley? *brain blue-screens*

Ben or Claire? Claire

Jody or Donna? Jody, but mostly because we see her more.

Sam or Dean? It fluctuates between each season. RN its Sam.

Tagging: @waywardswain @tiny-gay-munchkin @adam-isstillinhell @raindestiel (if you don't want to you don't have to though ^_^)

[moonh3ad]

Vanilla - A Destiel Fanfiction - Chapter One

Mary wrapped her arms around her son and ruffled his hair.

"Please try not to get into too much trouble okay?" She says. Her voice is so soft and sweet.

"I'll try," Dean says, letting go of his mother's embrace.

"Dean. For me?"

"Of course. It just kinda sucks jumping into school 3 months in."

"Pumpkin, you'll be just fine okay. I'll make you some pie for when you come home. Promise."

She kissed Dean on the forehead and turned him around to face the building.

Dean walked through the huge double doors and aimlessly wandered around, admiring pictures hanging from the walls. There was a picture of the school math club. On the far right were two girls with curly black hair, and a boy wearing a green t-shirt and had a suspicious smirk on his face.

Eventually he came across a small room that said "Main Office."

Inside it looked snug, with a large desk taking up most of the room. Inside the desk, sitting upon a black chair with wheels was a smiling woman. Her straight brown hair rested on her shoulders and her dark, chocolatey eyes lit up when she smiled.

"Hello!" She said. Her voice was kind and welcoming. "You're Dean Winchester right?"

Dean nodded his head, biting his lower lip.

"Oh please, don't be nervous sugar. I'm Mrs. Harvelle, here's your schedule, locker number and combo and if you ever have any questions please feel free to ask. Your books and binders are in your locker already. I promise you will enjoy this school very much."

She smiled cheerily at him, and he flashed a tiny grin, taking his schedule and a small notecard with his locker number and combo on it from her hand.

He turned around and walked out of the office, looking down at his schedule to see what his first class was. It was Monday that meant... English. English? Of course it was. Of course he would start off at a new school with his worst subject. Just his luck.

Still not knowing where to go, he continued on his stroll down the hall, checking the outside of every classroom door to see if the junior English class was any of them. He passed by more and more pictures on the way. There was a line of photography students had taken, probably for an AP class. There was a girl with long blonde hair with a flower up to her eye. Finally he arrived to a cozy classroom that said English - Mrs. Mills on the side of the door. He peeked down at his schedule, and underneath English it said Mrs. Mills. Yep. This was the one. He hesitantly opened the door, to see a woman standing up at the front of the colorful classroom. "Are you Dean Winchester?" She said sweetly, giving Dean a little smile. "Yep," he replied, awkwardly stepping towards her. "It's nice to meet you Dean, please take a seat wherever you'd like."

Dean eyed the room to see that the only free seat was next to a boy with bulky black glasses and a beige sweater on, his face staring down at his desk.

Mrs. Mills handed Dean a copy of a book. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. A book he had never read before, but then again he had probably only read like 5 books in his whole life.

She stood next to the whiteboard and wrote a bunch of stuff about what people should be recognizing about the characters in the book, Dean only half paying attention. He was paying more attention to the people in the classroom. In the back of the room was a girl with long crimson hair and light green eyes. Sitting next to her is the girl with curly black hair from the math club photo.

Mrs. Mills continued the lesson while Dean almost fell asleep, but something caught his eye. The boy next to him finally looked up, to reveal a beautiful face with aquamarine eyes that look like the sun from underwater

His eyes were so gorgeous.

He had never seen anything like it. And his smooth black hair that fluttered over his forehead made Dean's heart skip a beat. There was something about him that kept Dean staring and staring. Staring until Mrs. Mills got up and yelled "you are dismissed!"

After class had ended, Dean headed to his locker, which was right next to a girl with short, curly red hair who was wearing a bright orange flannel and a Star Wars shirt.

"Hey!" Dean said, smirking and winking at the girl.

"Hi," the girl replied, rolling her eyes.

"So uh, what's your name? I'm Dean."

"I'm Charlie. Nice to meet you Dean," she said, emphasizing the word Dean.

They shook hands as Charlie grabbed a red binder from her locker with character names and hearts written all up the side.

"Jon Snow? Who's that your boyfriend?" Dean said with a chuckle.

She let out a noise that was a laugh but more like a snort and stared at him like he had just tried to convince her that he was a unicorn.

"Guess again, he's a character from a TV show."

"Oh yeah right, right. That TV show..."

She faced him in disbelief.

"It's called Game of Thrones dumbass. Ever heard of it?"

"Oh yeah totally. I watch it all the time," Dean says, gritting his teeth.

Charlie rolled her eyes and smirked at him.

"I think we're gonna be good friends, Dean," She says with a wink.

A girl with short brown hair ran up to her, a leather jacket clinging tightly to her skinny torso.

"Hey! Who's this?" The girl says, glaring into Dean's eyes.

"Oh, um, hi! I'm Dean it's nice to meet you."

"Alex," she says smiling.

Charlie wrapped her hand around Alex's wrist and pulled her into their next class.

Suddenly and blonde girl came walking past wearing a grey tank top and a green army jacket.

"Hey, you must be the new kid," she says. Her voice is sweet and sticky like maple syrup.

"Yeah, I'm Dean," he says smiling. The girl smiles back, parting her strawberry lips, holding out her hand.

"Jo, nice to meet you Dean."

Dean glances at his schedule to see that he has math class next. He groans. Math? Really?

"Listen, I have math next. You mind showing me where that is?"

"Of course not," she says, smiling.

All of a sudden a tall boy with short brown hair and subtle turquoise eyes walks up to Jo, putting his arms around her waist and kissing her silly. Jo giggles, but looks annoyed through her obviously forced smile.

"Adam quit it!" She says jokingly, still giggling.

Adam continues kissing her cheeks, starting to trail down her neck.

"Adam seriously!" She says, her voice deeper and louder this time.

Adam doesn't stop but instead rubs Jo's stomach and lightly nibbles on her ear.

"Adam!" She yells, pushing the boy off of her.

"What is it babe?"

"Not here. Not now. Not in public."

"Come on baby, we've been together forever. Everybody knows it."

Dean stands awkwardly, twiddling his index fingers, chewing on the inside of his mouth. He clears his throat, trying to remove the awkwardness from the situation. Adam throws him a stern look, his icy eyes like knives.

"Who's this kid? He bothering you?" Adam says, stepping slightly in front of Jo.

"What? No, no. This is Dean. He's the new kid."

Dean half-smiles at the boy, which results in the kid walking even closer to him. Adam outstretches his arms and smiles back.

"Nice to meet you Dean. I'm Adam," Adam says flashing bright white teeth.

Dean shakes Adam's hand and backs up, grabbing a black binder from his locker.

"It's nice to meet you too. I really gotta go to class though." Dean says, walking backwards.

"Um okay," Adam replies.

Dean turns around and continues walking. He had no clue where the math room is, but he trotted down the long red hallway, looking for a room that said math on it, but there was no sign of one. All of a sudden a short boy in an oversized grey sweatshirt came walking towards Dean. The boy had black hair and obvious bags under his eyes, most likely from lack of sleep. Dean tried to avoid the boy and keep walking. The last thing he wanted was to meet another person. But, the boy seemed intent and talking to Dean, so he stopped and turned around.

"Hey! You look lost."

Thanks, Dean thought. Was it really that obvious?

"You must be the new kid, Dean right?"

Dean nodded, rolling his eyes and putting his hands in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'm Kevin. I can show you around if you want."

"Um. Sure, thanks. I'm looking for the math room."

"Well I happen to be going there too! It's on the second floor."

Dean followed Kevin up the speckled blue stairs and through the large glass doors. The first room on the right was the math room. The two of them ran in, immediately looking at the clock. Shit. They were 6 minutes late. First day of school and Dean managed to already screw it up.

The teacher who had long curly hair walked up to Dean. Dean expected her to burst out screaming and yelling about how they were late, but instead flashed a welcoming smile.

"You must be Dean! I'm Ms. Barnes. Please take a seat."

Dean walked towards the nearest empty seat, and Kevin followed, but got pushed back by Ms. Barnes.

"Not you Mr. Tran. Why are you late?"

Kevin looked down and twiddled with his sweatshirt.

"I was showing the new kid around," he replied, looking at Dean.

"Mhm. Well this won't happen again, correct?"

"Yes of course Ms. Barnes," Kevin said, already walking towards an empty seat.

Ms. Barnes grinned at Kevin and chuckled. Ms. Barnes handed out graded tests to all of the students, except for Dean of course. Alex and Charlie were sitting closer to the back of the room, and they waved at him when he turned around.

"So what did you get?" Alex asked Charlie, licking her deep red lips.

"An A. How about you?" Charlie asked.

"An A+!" Alex exclaimed, smiling excitedly.

"Really?"

"Yes! I mean I studied my ass off every night. I barely even got to watch Game of Thrones."

he teacher passed out some more worksheets with numbers and letters scattered across the page. What the fuck was this? Dean had never really learned math. He left the academics to his nerdy brother, Sam. When they were little Sam and Dean would go to school frequently, and then come home and tell their parents everything they did. Every Thursday after school they would go to the zoo. John would hold Dean on his shoulders as he pointed to the animals in awe, and Mary would push around Sammy's stroller, who was fascinated by everything. It was just perfect. But then everything changed that one summer.

Dean stared at the page, mostly copying the answers off of the girl sitting next to him. He shortly realized it was the girl from the math club picture.

"Hey! I'm Dean," he says holding out his hand.

"Meg. But all of my friends call me a demon so if you hear that term, they're talking about me," she says jokingly, giggling to herself.

Dean awkwardly smiled, looking around at the other kids in the classroom. It felt so weird getting into this school so late in the year. He

Dean's thought process was interrupted by a loud ringing.

"Lunch!" A girl with long brown hair exclaims.

Dean walks out of the room, Kevin walking up towards him.

"Hey buddy!"

Dean nods and smiles, not really in the mood to speak. Kevin walks in front of him and catches up with some tall boys with blonde hair, but another boy comes walking towards Dean. Immediately Dean knows who it is. It's the boy from English. The boy zooms right past Dean, practically pushing him to the side. Dean gasps at the feeling of his cold skin. For the few milliseconds they're touching, Dean feels electricity pipe through his skin, and a feeling of weightlessness fills his body. The boy turns around looking up at Dean, his beautiful eyes looking right into his soul.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispers. His voice is low and gravelly.

"It's fine."

They stand there simply staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, before the boy turns around and starts walking again. Dean pauses for a second, then runs up to him.

"Wait!" He yells.

The boy pivots towards Dean right away.

"What's your name?" Dean asks sheepishly.

The boy looks shocked, as if he'd never been asked that question before.

"C-C-Castiel. Castiel Novak"

"Castiel, wow. That's quite the name."

"Yeah, I guess so. And you are?"

"Um, Dean. Dean Winchester."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you Dean Winchester," Castiel beams.

"Right back atcha' Castiel Novak."

[thefloatingbed]

My movie life and Paterson

I was just telling someone the other day that despite the fact that I make my living as a writer, movies have always been more important for me than books for so many reasons. Watching movies is also a weird form of meditation for me - to be able to get completely detached from everything including my own noisy brain for a couple of hours. I have also had more inspirations and epiphanies after watching movies than with any other activity really. Of course, sometimes I get horribly depressed too but I have become better with choosing movies to handle my ongoing state of mind.

I think I actually got into movies much later in life, when I was sharing my third apartment in Mumbai with one roommate and other friends who ended up crashing at our place more often than not. We were all from advertising backgrounds, at that time at least. Post work and on weekends, we would often gather in our house mostly to talk about advertising gossip, actual work stuff, movies and about our own short films/fiction ideas over copious amounts of alcohol and cigarettes. It was almost a magical time, extremely romantic in its own way, where we were all moderately unhappy, we had all these ideas and we wanted to do so much more with our lives (yup, early to mid 20s). And we were pretty much still quite naive, I think. Fresh drunk daisies. Anyhow, one of our friends was also a generous lender of many, many pirated DVDs of some of the most brilliant world cinema movies. Most of our plans, at any given time, revolved around drinking and watching movies. We once even started a ‘movie club’ and held a single movie screening under thag for a few friends and some strangers in our tiny one bedroom-hall apartment. The movie was Departures, a strange and beautiful Japanese film about a cellist who takes up a job as an embalmer of dead bodies! We were all high. 

Even though the movie club didn’t really take off, I found another crazy movie friend at that time, and she and I would make very, very specific and nerdy movie plans which involved watching 3-4 movies in one day or one night over the weekends, over drinks or badly rolled weed joints.

While most of my movie buddies have dispersed now in different forms and directions, movie (or TV series) watching continues to be an almost religious part of my life. And it’s all thousand times more rewarding when I stumble upon something real good, like Paterson. 

Paterson talks about three of my favorite things– seemingly banal daily life routines, poetry and co-incidences/chance encounters. A bus driver who also scribbles poetry about the brand of matchbox in his house, among other things, is a poem in itself. Jim Jarmusch, the director of the film, covers a period of a week in two hours- transitioning from the stubbornly structured weekdays into somewhat flexible and unpredictable weekends. 

Adam Driver plays the bus driver-poet and Golshifteh Farahani plays his cup-cake maker/amateur musician/amateur painter gorgeous wife. While the movie is seemingly based on Paterson – Adam Driver’s character’s name and also the city of Paterson – the wife’s character is equally, if not more, important to the movie. Her childlike dreams and aspirations, blatantly devoid of any cynicism and doubt, beautifully contrast with Adam’s character who wants to remain as hidden from the world as possible. Having a cellphone for him would be like having a “leash”. There are so many other lovely characters and stories, especially in the bar where Adam goes every single night to have one glass of beer each, like a clockwork, while his dog patiently waits for him outside. Or the juicy tidbits of conversations he eavesdrops on during the bus rides. 

Despite being in a relationship, both Paterson and his wife are loners, and I love that part the most. Except for his poetry scribbles, there is absolutely no way to get into his head. And she is almost dizzyingly and obsessively absorbed in her little house, painting bizarre and cool patterns over pretty much anything she can find. Her world, in fact, seems even smaller than Paterson’s. But she reaches out to the outside world through her guitar lessons on YouTube and Cupcake sales at the weekly Farmer’s Market. And Paterson, through his daily work and bar encounters.  

Together though they seem to belong to a world that barely exists. The conversations between Adam and his wife are what at least my romantic dreams are made of – ridiculously quiet and simple and unbelievably loving and supportive. Even if the brussels-sprouts-in-a-pie experiment is completely inedible, it can simply be gulped down with a glass of water, without even a hint of an argument or complaint. It’s like when they are together, they create their own “ideal world” which is pretty much completely cut off from the real world. They don’t want to change each other. Each simply motivates the other to pursue his/her dreams, however approachable or far-fetched those dreams might be.

I won’t get into it at all but the ending is really, really lovely too. And of course, Jarmusch builds in thousands of interesting little references in the movie for the nerd community!

[rkira]

Song a day for 2016

Cool Guys don't look at explosions. Lonely island

Armageddon-Vox

High In Church-Trevor Moore.

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Zelda with Lyrics-  Brental Floss

You're not the boss of me now-They might be Giants

Boys and Girls LMC

Superman vs Goku ERB

Starlight Starshine Steam powered Giraffe

Craig Stephen Lynch

Clint Eastwood Gorillaz

Gimme Chocolate Baby Metal

Roundtable Rival Lindsey Stirling

Time Warp Rocky Horror Picture Show

I'm not okay (I promise) My Chemical Romance.

Angry white boy polka Weird Al

Almost Human Voltaire.

Martin Luther King vs Ghandi ERB

Batman/Xmen animated openings

Somewhere Over The Rainbow/Wonderful World IZ

Carry on my wayward son-kansas

Grey And Blue-Brave and bold

Share the one world- One Piece

God Thinks-Voltaire

This is war- 30 seconds to mars

March of the Inmates- Psychonauts

I wupped batman's ass

Legal Assassin-Repo the genetic opera.

D-City Rock PSG

Ready Steady Go Larc en Ciel

Devil went down to Georgia- CDB

I wanna rock- Twisted Sister

Polkamon- Weird Al

I can't stop Laughing- Joker

Teen Titans, Japanese version, english translation- Beast Boy

Shoot All Your Problems Away-Tomska

Steven Universe full theme-Steven and the crystal gems

Oh No you didn't

I don't love you-MCR

Heartbeat-2pm

Killed by Love-Alice Cooper

How can I not love you

Nothing-The Script

Classic Rock tune- Stephen Lynch

Breakeven- The Script

Musical Suicide- Tomska

Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright

Only my heart talking-Alice cooper

Knights in white satin

Only you-Joker

Can't smile without you- Barry manilow +Pokemon themes

Turn Back the clock- Steam powered giraffe.

My Immortal -Evanescense

I need some sleep- Eels

On my own- Les Miserables

Feathery Wings- Voltaire

Ghost of you- My Chemical romance

Hell is living without you-alice cooper

If you ever come back- the script

love stinks- adam sandler

Youth-Daughter

Talk you down- The script

Somebody Kill me please- Adam Sandler

Owee- Voltaire

Six degrees of separation- the script

Give my love to rose- johnny cash

how- daughter

Skinny genes- Jenny bee cover

I miss the misery- ten second songs

Come on Eileen- Dexy midnight runners

Overkill- colin hay

rant song- scrubs

Ashita kuru hi Kobato

Bink's sake, rumbar pirates

Stronger than you- Garnet-steven

Burning Love- Elivis

So strong my face is

Murmaider

Owls- Weebls

Riding a black Unicorn- Voltaire

Put a banana in your ear

Soul- Ox

Amazing horse- Mr.Weebl

Elector Gypsy- Savlonic

The Driver- Salvonic

Tiny Japanese Girl- Salvonic

YOLO- Lonely Island

4 Chords- Axis of Awesome.

Rage of thrones- Axis of awesome

Renegade- Styx

He Lives in you(Reprise)-Lion King

Mirror B Theme

Dr. Mario- Brental Floss

All Champion Themes

Mercenary

Smash Bros

You Don't Know Me- Bandy Leggz

Ashley- Wario

Look who's laughing now

The stars-steam powered giraffe

deviljho

tetris with lyrics. Brental floss

When you walk away- kingdom hearts

every pokemon intro

Bishock song- Brental Floss

Bioshock infinite song- Brental Floss

Chop Chop Master onion rap- parappa the rapper

Undertale-Undertale

Squid Sisters

All rival theme

Dearly Beloved yoko shimomura

Video game medley-lindsey sterling

crash bandicoot 1 theme

mario bros theme

green hill sonic theme

pacman theme-smash

no more hereoes, its kill or be killed

I am all of me.

elite four battle themes

all lab themes

 all team bosses

J.R.R tolkien vsx George R. R. Martin ERB

x gon give it to ya

Giant Woman Steven Universe

yoda weird al

Darth Vader vs Hitler 1 2 3

founding fathers trevor moore

Drive me bats: BTBTB

mother lover lonely island

Make  man out of you TFS

El Barquito Voltaire

saga of jesse Jane Alice cooper

Danger zone Kenny

Be Prepared scar

Everybody wants to be a cat

Yes no

You're a fucking nerd Ok Go

On a boat one piece

boner song wkuk

anybody there? script

Crabs weebl

ultrasound: johnny massacre

I dreamed a dream anne hathaway

D&D stephen lynch

if we were gay ninja sex party

If you could see me now. script

Mine turtle tomska

I like trains tomska

monster masune

I dont want that for you steven universe

If I were gay stephen lynch

friends theme.

I love rock and rool, joan jett

hot patootie bless my soul rocky horror meatloaf

Ebola la la.

Wrecking ball beef seeds cover

65 rock songs, ten second songs

Ijime, Dame, Zettai

A boy named Sue. Johnny cash

Bad blood ten second songs

Roxanne-police

it's the little things alice cooper

Night surgeon- Repo! The genetic opera

Under Pressure-Queen.

Yakko's nations of the world

wakko's 50 capitols.

Feel good ten second songs

totally gay for america wkuk

Brooklyn Rage- Joey Wheeler

Come sail away Yugioh

I'm on a blimp kaiba

Pharaoh's throne yami

Hold me- steam powered giraffe

Soliton- Steam powered giraffe

Honeybee- Steam powered giraffe

Diamonds steam powered giraffe cover

I love it steam powered giraffe cover

Captain Albert Alexander Steam Powered Giraffe

I've got a theory buffy

what you feel buffy

wish I could stay  Buffy

Moses supposes his toeses are roses singing in the rain

JJBA medly+ alt jojos

Old folks home WKUK

Hitler rap WKUK

getting high with dinosaurs wkuk

get a new daddy WKUK

The Never song WKUK

Aren't you lucky WKUK

God Says WKUK

God wants you to wear a hat WKUK.

Carl Poppa

Obsidiots

La Bibbida bibba dum

Fire fire Steam powered Giraffe

teen titans

teen titans jap

ghost napa

Black sheep scott pilgrim

Undertale the musical, papyrus, brental floss

Kirby with lyrics Brental Floss

Baby Mario and Papa Yoshi. Brental Floss

Automatonic Electronic steam powered giraffe

Mecto Amore steam powered giraffe

A way into your heart steam powered giraffe

I'll rust with you steam powered giraffe

I go looney, mark hamill, the joker

Heavens Not enough

Stray Steve Conte

jiyuu e no shoutai L'arc en ciel

hall of fame the script

Better off with her-Amethyst-Steven

Haven't you noticed-Sadie-Steven

Like a comment greg-steven

What can I do for you Rose & Greg- steven

Do it for her-Pearl & Connie – steven

Peace and love peridot and steven

Answer ruby/sapphire -steven

It's over, isn't it? Pearl- steven

Digmon eng/jap openings

You're my zing. Adam sandler

Hold the door Hodor

Stacy's Mom-Fountains of Wayne

1985 Bowling for soup.

High School Never ends Bowling for Soup

Into the Ocean- Blue October

Ok Go

Schniztlebank

Disenchanted MCR

amish paradise

foil

eat it

Gump

Ode to a superhero

Jurassic Park

Another tattoo

Fat

the saga begins

complicated

sports song

bedrock anthem

dare to be stupid.

Genius in france

ricky

happy birthday

polka face

first world problems

word crimes

preform this way

Drive thru

Party in the CIA

Couch Potato

weasel stomping day

white and nerdy

close but no cigar

CNR

Hardware Store

bob

virus alert.

Don't download this song. Weird al

Tacky weird al

all I want- kodaline

shooting star bad company

just what I needed

jacks lamnent

chi chi wo moge

Careless whisper

neon, salvonic

boombox lonely island

jack sparrow lonely island

GG the giraffe

die for you, alice cooper

It's me, Alice cooper.

Reign on me

halloween stephen lynch

can't sleep, clowns will eat me.

oogie Boogie

spooky scary skeleton

brains

epiphany

scooby doo openings

land of the dead

monster mash

repoman

death death

disco bloodbath boogie fever

don't fear the reaper

zombie prostitute

keeper of the reaper

kidnap the sandy claws.

Adams family/munsters/goosebumps

vampire club

feed my frankenstein

ghost busters

skeletons in my closet

courage the cowardly dog.

wrapped in silk

the one that got away

I know where you live

wake the dead

He's back, the man behind the mask

when you're evil

cannibal buffet

keepin halloween alive

This is halloween

I love you egg

Happy Birthday Voltaire

Tomorrow comes today

clint eastwoood

19-2000

rock the house

rock it

dirty harry

feel good

el manana

stylo

superfast jellyfish

on melancholy hill

rhinestone eyes

do ya thing

You're Welcome Moana

Shiney Moana

We know the way Moana

Kyle's Mom

Beard no Beard

Mysterious Ticking Noise

Oh no you didn't

candy mountain

I am a millipede

It's friday

Hound dog

Can't help falling in love

Here comes a thought- Steven

Love Like You Steven

Hey Oh RHCP/ Monsters Matchbook Romance

Christmas Time In Hell South Park

Christmas at ground zero

the night santa went crazy

You're a mean one Mr Grinch

Merry F ing Christmas

I fucking love christmas

Blue Christmas

xmas time might might bosstones

Christmas shoes

Davey's song

Barney stinsons christmas songs

Home alone the song

All I want for christmas is you tens econd songs

popo the genie

12 days of christmas tfs

12 days of christmas overwatch

marshmallow world spg

christmas slippers tiny dick

12 days of christmas canadian

chanukah song 1-4

Christmas song adam sandler

santa claws, alice cooper

town meeting

Making christmas

scrooge muppet christmas carol

I don't have a name for it spg

Cellophane Steam Powered Giraffe

over drive steam powered giraffe

malfunction

guy love scrubs

scrubs theme,

[thesylvalining]

Back in the US, one of the first things I usually notice is the freaking roads are huge. It’s one symptom of reverse culture shock, to be sure and surreal is the key word. Then experiences like this happen which assure me yes, I have returned:

Two nights ago…

Benjamin (my gorgeous uncle): I think we left a bag of stuff at Walmart.

Me: Oh no! We should go back for it. But I’m in my pajamas…

Benjamin: So? It’s Walmart…

Me: Good point.

Dorothy, I am definitely not in Kansas (Italy) anymore, where leaving the house in PJs is socially uncouth. So where am I exactly? Colorado. “Home” but not home. If you haven’t seen Rudy Mancuso’s hilarious “Gosh Bless You” video please do so now so you understand the rest of this paragraph. Although I know there’s someone out there in particular who will appreciate this… it’s like I’m somewhere between Heck and Kevin. I am so grateful and excited to see friends and family but simultaneously, it’s a quasi-thank Gosh moment–mostly because I’m never, ever ready to depart Italy. So at least for now, it goes along with ping-pong balls that don’t bounce and having to stand pretty much all the time… 😉

Anyhow, I’m already on my next adventure before finishing my last. What a sin! So, let me redeem myself by catching us all up…

Day Five: Dobbiaco-Big Hike-Dobbiaco

Morning light shone on Tent City, illuminating the rare slivers of un-camped upon grass and a certain silver van housing the newest member of Operation Vacation: Loic! The door cracked, revealing a fancy black and red road bike. The morning sun glinted off three sharp butcher knives which came with their own set of jokes about Loic being either a Belgian master chef and/or a friendly murderer.

Either way, we welcomed him at our shanghai’d picnic table for breakfast. Finally the day broke chilly but with a promise of ample sun as the day progressed. Perfect set up for a long @$$ hike (for Lisa and I) and a million kilometer bike ride (for Loic).

After parting ways, Lisa and I hopped on our steeds and rode several kilometers on dirt to the start of a trail that only climbed, oh, 2000 meters. However, it was swallowed heartily by the massive landslide like a college kid chugging beer. A big yellow bulldozer parked at the trailhead told us–in so many words–to figure something else out. We pulled out our well-worn map and located number 33, which also marched straight up a mountain like a bighorn sheep on crack. Done!

On the trail, sweat began to swiftly collect and cascade down our bodies as if they were fast-melting Popsicles. We soon found ourselves teetering high above the valley floor, the sound of the roaring highway below lowering to a stubborn drone. After awhile we took a break at a high alpine spring to fill up and let things air out…

After a couple hours of steep, steady climbing the trail finally attempted a semblance of flatness. At the end of the day, the undeniably steep route on Lisa’s GPS–named Garminio–resembled something like a Redwood tree.

  Holly landslide Batman!

Another world up here…

Even higher up, above 2000 meters (6500 feet), we found the expansive, rocky beginnings of yet another landslide from the recent extreme storms. We picked our way through an uneven, alien landscape which briefly eclipsed the trail.

After we picked it up again at a confluence, we popped over the first ridge, rewarded by a breathtaking expanse of alpeggi (high alpine pastures) and the piercing ridges of the mountains beyond. Behind us, a group of thick gray clouds gathered, like nosy old women peering through their blinds at the youths egging the house next door. We looked at each other; should we turn back, or press our luck?

Ha! Is there even a question? Besides, the skies didn’t feel menacing like they did on National Pressing Your Luck Repeatedly Day at Tre Cime. And just ahead, we were about to make a few new friends…

And then down, down, down we went like little rolling stones decked out in matching freaky light backpacks and a fine mist of dried sweat. By the end, we’d marched 20 kilometers (13 miles), climbed 1500 meters of elevation (4920 feet) and descended about the same. Near the end, uneven pavement was starting to look like somewhere I could sleep a solid eight hours…

We tried hitchhiking the handful of kilometers up the road to fetch our bikes but we had about as much luck as a nerdy, shy, acne-covered kid on prom night. Italians, it turns out, are not the pick-you-up-on-the-roadside type, even when you’re two cute girls with matching lightweight backpacks, a fine mist of dried sweat and big ol’ smiles. Resolutely, we tacked on a few more kilometers walking back to camp where Loic, bless his little creepily sharp-knife owning heart, saved the day. He left via van to rescue our bikes, leaving us to our own devices via Lisa’s tarp. We stretched and watched the clouds (and I devoured almost an entire package of cookies, which actually did semi-wreck my iron stomach for about six minutes).

Afterwards–so as not to evoke the curious tempers of the weather gods, in particular His Highness Rain–we made pasta. With everyone else. And then waited in line for a shower –a lukewarm shower. With everyone else. And then waited in line to do freaking dishes. Dishes are often painful enough already, without having to wait around to do them. With everyone else. That was it for me: I’d rather do math for 48 hours straight then endure one more day of organized camping. With everyone else.

Day Six: Dobbiaco-Val Visdende-Danta-Wild Camping

In the morning, it was time for another lovely, leisurely, sun-soaked cruise from Dobbiaco to Val Visdende. Although we didn’t plan it–we didn’t so much plan as let things evolve–the ride was beyond pleasant. Bike paths first, through the valley:

Then a really dope lunch at a Konditorei (German/Austrian confectionary/cake shop) with a view of the Tre Cime’s shapely backside:

And one small climb to the top of Monte Croce pass.

The rest was a literal bomb downhill. We zipped through a quaint villages and passed tons of road bikers heading up what we were going down (I was jealous–what a climb!).

  Can’t argue with the views…

Flat City.

We lingered in one village for a time after Lisa’s steed Wanda got a flat. Tortured by the tantalizing aromas oozing out of the bakery on which Lisa’s limping steed leaned, we ogled the tiny, antique spike she pulled out of her tire. And then an entire, large family from Romania materialized from the pastry-laden air and proceeded to pump up Lisa’s tire. The dad literally dispatched his teenage army to help and they did so gladly as we grinned. So sweet and unexpected, these instances while traveling by bike!

At the riverside campground in Val Visdende, we decided against camping with everyone else (again). Our decision was cemented by egregious, suspicious glares from the odd proprietor, based on what exactly? He was overheard saying “Where is their car?” as we walked over and sat in the late afternoon sunlight enjoying a 2.5 euro Spritz at the campground bar (aka giving him our money). Although in retrospect, suspicions could have been exacerbated by Lisa and I grunting and cussing through dozens of push-ups by the big yellow Caterpillar (the heavy equipment, not the pre-butterfly) in the corner of the campground parking lot…

So we utilized the river just as you would expect a few vagrants would (please note Loic showering in the background):

Then we packed up, stashed and locked the bikes in a clandestine location and moved on in van to the tiny town of Danta, located on a steep hillside overlooking the majesty of the Alps. Loic–bless his murderous, beer-chugging heart–spotted a poster for a town festival there. Turned out to be a very, very good decision because of:

The views. 

Don’t you wanna, wanna go to Danta…

Traditional antiques on the streets at the town festival. There were some amazing crosscut saws as well, which aren’t produced anymore, at least in the States…

The cheap, delicious food and drink (two euro Spritz and three euro, generously portioned grilled sausage and veal sandwiches).

The entertainment–starting with Lisa’s slightly drunken renditions of Italy’s pop darling Ligabue, courtesy of a cover band. Sorry Italy, but every single one of those songs sounds the same to me 😀 But the lead singer, wearing an ACDC shirt and belting out one cookie cutter tune after another with an unlit cigarette in his hand was literally priceless.

The antics–starting with the enthusiasm of the drunk crowd, particularly one fella who danced with airplane arms for hours on end and the time I had to pee and managed to do so in a pile of nettles. The pinnacle was a really drunk dude who looked like Adam from HBO’s Girls and who decided doing a buttload of pull-ups on the tent was a fine idea. He chose a spot front and center in front of the band, his face a picture of determination, like a baby pooping. He knocked over a beer and the tent looked like it was in an earthquake before a good Samaritan managed to pry him off of it.

The company 🙂

And then–with way too many Spritz still rattling around in our systems, particularly Lisa’s and mine–we popped up the road to find a “wild” camping spot. WITHOUT everyone else. In Italy, there’s just one small problem: camping outside of campgrounds is, well, illegal. Illegal… oh no 😉 Obviously we didn’t care as we located a sufficiently quiet, dark field off the top off the pass. Loic parked the van and we deployed our tent in the perfect, hidden spot. To say we pitched it would be a stretch… we kind of threw it up, staked the doors and passed out.

Day Seven: Wild Camping-M. Aiarnola Hike-Sappada

In the morning, we got a very good laugh out of our floppy, crooked tent. And the perfect, hidden spot? Not exactly. From the road, the bright saucer of a tent stood out on the green, soft grass like a Democrat at a Trump rally. In the morning, in fact, Lisa heard an older couple speaking in Italian (as they cruised by on the trail just across the road… oops), “They can’t camp there.” Of course I didn’t hear a single thing because I once slept through a fire alarm in college and nothing has changed since.

We breakfasted roadside (to many an amused glance at us smearing on sunscreen by a van strung with various tent pieces and bike apparel). And then, a hike. It began oddly mellow. I relaxed into an off-day pace, ambling past countless quaint and/or kitschy holiday cabins. I should’ve known then something was off…

An hour later:

Not that I wasn’t stoked to be dominating yet another steep, Dolomite ridge, with eye-popping views as far as the eye could pop. But there was a tired devil and a tired angel on either shoulder, in rare agreement: it was time to rest. Even my blood hurt. But of course by then we were here:

We had a couple more hours stomping around above treeline, watching the swirling clouds and chatting with the bazillion krummholz trees (German for “twisted, crooked or bent,” and appearing exactly thus, thanks to harsh, high elevation weather). And then there was the time we decided not to take the detour…

  Trees=handrails, so as not to fall down…

This!

What goes doggedly up must come tiredly down and that meant us–but on a relatively nice trail with actual turns, this time.

  Figuring out which way to go…

Look we’re still going up Sylva! You happy ’bout that??

Traversing up high.

The way down!

And then–and then!–we rested in the best way possible by locating a truly delectable restaurant at the base of a nearby ski slope. We gorged ourselves on local grub like canederli with cheese and speck, pizza, giant ravioli (casunziei), tiramisu…

Food coma settled in quickly; Lisa was quietly freaking out all night/day about leaving Wanda (her kick@$$ touring bike) in a hiding spot and we barely made it there to check on it and the GD Musing before succumbing to a nap. Loic enjoyed the undeniable comfort of a mattress in his van. Lisa and I enjoyed the questionable comfort of the tarp atop a cement landing near the river, smattered generously with rocks the size of walnuts. Screw the Princess and the Pea (or the Princesses and the Pebbles)–we passed out immediately.

Post-nap, we had enough go juice to ride up and over into the long, picturesque valley that housed the town of Sappada.

Loic parked his van down by the river and we scoped out a sufficient illegal camping spot in the woods on the other side.

Before we rode, we stocked up on groceries for a campsite dinner, after which we would set up our tent in the cover of darkness. We also scoped out a nearby “beerfest” but didn’t stay long: Loic the Belgian Beer Boss was nonplussed by Forst beer, the only chugging choice. Food prices were a bit high and inside it was hotter than the inside of a sweaty biker thigh. So off we went for dinner under the stars.

All of us were whooped, so we didn’t last long post-grub. But my excitement to lay down and pass out was dampened by two elements:

The terrible and terribly loud rock music resonating from the sweaty beerfest. Somehow, the farther we got, the louder the Metallica covers became. It was almost like the guitarist was playing in my ear, his long, straggly 80s rock hair tickling my ear. But no… that was just the…

Ants. Lots and lots of ants. Over the last days and as we scoped out our campsite by the river, we spotted anthills the size of small Mayan ruins. None of these ant-thropological wonders was within Forst beer can-throwing distance, so we figured we’d be safe. As soon as I stood outside in the dark, with ants racing up my legs like they were enrolled in the world’s largest ant marathon, I saw the error of our ways. Later on in the night, when I sat up to use the bathroom that is the forest, a flurry of ants dominated the tent’s mesh like a computer screen of binary code. When I opened the mesh hastily–with more than a little trepidation–a wave of ants crested the bottom of the tent like an army of peppercorns on legs. Lisa’s side of the tent wasn’t so bad–but I was screwed.

Day Seven: Sappada-Ovara

Convening at the van after reclaiming our tent from The Ants (the ground literally moved under the vastness of their army), we had some breakfast. Loic was itching to road ride so he took off shortly after, leaving Lisa and I to our own devices. Our devices included a whole lot more downhill–we couldn’t have planned our route better if we actually planned it. And it was gorgeous, twisting like a piece of licorice through a lush, wooded canyon containing a river and any number of ivy-laden, whitewashed, tile-roofed fairytale villages.

In quiet, scenic Ovara, home to the infamous Zoncolan climb (another thigh-busting Giro d’Italia classic, which Loic was currently dominating), we pulled off the main road. And went straight uphill. For a moment, Lisa and I wondered if we hadn’t accidentally landed ourselves on the Zoncolan–but the views from our camp were well worth it.

Finally, this camp was just our speed: simple, cheap and deserted. Once Loic returned, tired but exuberant after punishing himself on the Zoncolan, we set up shop. Soon, we were sipping Spritz before walking into down for dinner:

Across the way, a certain green roof enchanted us, appearing clothed in dragon scales.

“How are those tiles so green?” Lisa said, sucking down a block of cheese.

“I wanna go up there,” I said, sucking down a Spritz.

“Mmmmm,” said Loic, sucking down half a bag of potato chips.

The next day, we’d get a closer look at the mysterious green roof, and much, much more… but of course, we hadn’t gotten that far yet. Until then bye-bye–or mandi mandi (pronounced mahn-dee mahn-dee) in Friulano dialect!

        As Easy As DEF: Dobbiaco, Esercizio, Fruili Back in the US, one of the first things I usually notice is the freaking roads are…