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[anthroamazed]

tips for stem majors in math and science courses (spoonie + neurodivergent friendly)

hi y’all! my nameis lila and i’m a 28 year old physics and anthropology major who’s about 2 years through college (in the US)! as we’re coming up on the start of the fall ‘23 college semester, i thought i might share some really solid hacks for fellow STEM students taking science and/or math courses that i’ve basically built my college academic career on. and! these study tips are spoonie and adhd friendly! as a matter of fact, a lot of these are tips/methods that specifically work for me as a neurodivergent spoonie (i have pretty severe adhd, as well as POTS and ME/CFS), but that i think non-disabled/non-spoonie and/or neurotypical students could also benefit from using! so with out any further ado, here are my 7 tried and true study hacks for college math and science classes…

1) discover your learning style and tailor your studying towards leveraging it.

you’ve probably heard of visual, audio, and kinesthetic learning styles, but did you now there’s actually way more learning styles than just those three? i’m personally a “social learner,” meaning i learn best through discussion and socialization with 1+ other people to interact with. this could look like teaching other classmates concepts and methods that we’ve learned or discussing ideas with classmates and/or professors until i fully understand the concepts at play and how they connect and can reflect them in performing analysis and application, etc. honestly, figuring out my learning style was hands down one of the most helpful things i’ve done in college. it has allowed me to choose professors who i will mesh better with in terms of how they teach, as well as to adapt materials and methods to my style of learning in order to master them quicker and more effectively.

2) rewrite your notes after lecture, for the love of god.

this tip actually comes from my high school IB Math HL teacher, who told me to do this when i originally left high school for college. even if you think you’ve mastered the basics of the topic covered during the lecture, rewriting those notes after lecture helps really hammer in the knowledge that you’ve already established and also helps to get the wheels turning on pieces of information you might have less of a grasp on. try tp set aside at least 30 - 40 minutes after class to just rewrite your notes and try to really digest the information.

3) body doubling is one of the most beneficial things ever to be invented even if you’re not adhd, and i WILL die on that hill, thank you very much.

“body doubling” or “having an accountabilibuddy” are interchangeable terms in the adhd community that mean you have one or more consistent study buddy/buddies who you do all the homework and/or studying with in person on a regular basis, even if you’re just working next to each other in total silence. this does a couple of things. first off, it forces homework/assignments/studying to become a concrete social obligation you need to regularly show up for, rather than a nebulous obligation based on an invisible deadline. second off, it gives you 1+ partners to work out your problems concerning course topics with. third off, it allows you to build a network of peers where you feel comfortable helping each other with course material (this is especially great because it’s likely you and your classmates have different strengths regarding course content). tbh, body doubling is the other method that i, personally, have found most useful in college and i highly recommend trying it, even if you don’t have adhd.

4) teach others/your classmates the analysis and application methods you’ve learned, even if those methods aren’t 100% solidified for you (trust me on this).

the goal of stem courses is never memorization, but rather being able to understand a topic well enough to analyze a similar situation and apply the what you’ve learned creatively. this is where teaching others comes in. in order to teach others a concept and its related analysis and application well, you have to have at least a fraction of a decent understanding of these things yourself, and, further, often time in teaching these things you also learn to grasp the concepts/aanalysis/applications even better than you did before with each new teaching session. basically: teaching others is a creative way of also teaching yourself. you get the benefits of repetition, of thinking about a concept/technique/analysis and application in a new way, and of getting to apply the concept/technique/analysis and applicatioin to a new scenario each time. plus, you’ll typically make friends quickly in the process! there’s really no downside to this tip imo ;-)

5) utilize your college’s tutoring center/program(s), even when you don’t think you need to.

usually colleges have either set up a general “tutoring center,” on campus where you can find tutors for all different kinds of topics and courses available during regular hours for walk-in sessions and/or appointments free of charge or departments will hold regular weekly (or twice weekly) free on-campus tutoring sessions for specific courses. regardless of which of these options your college has, i highly recommend attending at least one tutoring session/appointment (ideally with the same tutor if/when you eventually find one you click with) every single week, even when you don’t feel like you’re struggling with the topic(s) covered in that week’s lecture. this will help you review topics and techniques covered in lecture, deepen your understanding of them, and, if nothing else, it’s an excuse to get homework out of the way while having someone else there who can help you if/when you get stuck. attending at least one session weekly also helps you get into a habit and routine of keeping up with your assignments, so you’re not left scrambling at the last minute before they’re due.

6) if you have accommodations, request access to record lectures. if you do not have accommodations, ask your professor if you are allowed to record lectures. IF YOU RECORD LECTURES, DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW THEM!

okay, so first up for my fellow spoonies and neurodivergent peeps: when you apply for/renew your accommodations, make sure that “recordinng lectures” is on your MOA (memorandum of accommodations), because so long as it is, your professors legally cannot deny you permission to record lectures without risk of themself and the college being sued for an ADA violation. also, make friends with a classmate and ask them to record lectures and send them to you if/when you are absent (let the professor know that you’ve asked this classmate to record and send you the lecture if you are absent)

now, if you aren’t disabled, a spoonie, and/or neurodivergent, you aren’t guaranteed permission to record lectures. however. ask the professor if you can have their permission to audio record lectures (be sure to also let them know that such a recording would be for personal use only and that you don’t plan on distributing the recordings). i’ve found that many professors don’t mind you having an audio recording.

even if you aren’t an audible learner it can be really useful to have these recordings to review at a later point. oftentimes reviewing lecture recordings can be useful if you glazed over and missed a section of the lecture and/or if you can’t remember what a professor taught during a section of a lecture.

7) last but not least, on a related note, if you have accommodations, also request access to your professor’s lecture notes. if you don’t have accommodations, check if your professor posts their lecture notes for students to use.

having your professor’s notes can be extremely useful for review purposes, but they can also help you understand where your professor is going with course content and what they want to stress as important.

[juceynightmare]

dating 101 (18+) part 3 - cody rhodes x reader

my masterlist

dating 101 (18+) masterlist

pairing(s): cody rhodes x reader, roman reigns x reader

warning(s): swearing, sexual harassment, protective!cody

genre(s): college!au, slow burn, fluff

|| previous part || next part ||

the rest of the day was filled with walking, stopping to talk about a building, more walking, stopping by the dining commons to eat, more walking, talking to a few people y/n had met that had created their own sub-group amongst the group, and even more walking. did she mention how much walking they had to do? the group was currently sitting down at a table for dinner at one of the many dining commons on campus, and y/n was seated between two people who were definitely not cody, but that was because cody was part of his own sub-group already.

on one side of her sat a girl she met named sasha, a fellow woman in stem who was majoring in biomedical engineering, and on the other side of her sat a computer science major named dolph. y/n had wanted to get to know sasha, she was part of the same sub-group as y/n and they had similar majors. however, most of her time talking and socializing amongst the group was stolen by dolph.

dolph was nice, she determined. she didn’t know it was possible to meet someone who was more into his own looks than cody, but dolph had proven her wrong. beside the man’s self-indulgent personality, he had been complimenting y/n and actually listened to her rambling. they had sat beside each other at every meal of the day and were always at the back of the group talking amongst themselves unless someone else addressed them.

y/n had finished her dinner quickly, not having grabbed as much food as she wasn’t feeling too particularly hungry. she laughed at dolph’s exaggerated telling of his high school days and how rambunctious he was.

“see, i don’t know why you expected a different outcome.” y/n scolded playfully, nudging dolph with her elbow. “if you’re going to decide to do donuts in the school parking lot, why don’t you do it, oh i don’t know, not during school hours maybe?” she teased, flashing dolph a wide smile.

that was the first time y/n had initiated any physical contact with dolph, and although she meant it in a teasing manner, dolph seemed to have taken it as the ok to be more touchy with y/n. he slung his arm across her shoulders, letting it hang there as he argued, “where’s the fun in doing it when others aren’t there to witness?”

dolph may not have noticed it, but cody sure had noticed the way y/n had tensed up under dolph’s arm. he shoveled the last bite of his food into his mouth, nodding at eve’s words as she spoke beside him, although he wasn’t paying much attention. cody knew that you weren’t exactly the touchy type, especially when others touched you, which was why he and ted had always made it a point to only lay a hand on you if absolutely needed. knowing this, he made a note to keep an eye on dolph. the braindead hunk couldn’t even notice how much you had tensed up.

hunter came by around the table, and announced to his group, “alright looks like everyone’s done eating. as you all know, after this is the football game but it isn’t a mandatory event so you’re free to head back to your dorms if you’d like. if you’re coming to the game, follow me! if not, then it was great having you all around and welcome to the university!”

everyone immediately scooted their chairs out and stood up, picking up their dishes so they could drop it off at the dish return. y/n was one of the first to stand up, letting dolph’s arm fall off her shoulders as she light out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding him.

it’s ok. she reminded herself. dolph doesn’t know that i don’t like being touched. maybe he’s also one of the touchy ones like how the boys are.

as she reached for her plate, it was quickly scooped up by dolph who smiled down at her. “don’t worry, i got it. don’t forget your bag though.” dolph reminded her, nodding to y/n’s tote bag that hung off the side of the chair.

y/n thanked him as she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulders. “are you going to the game?” dolph asked her, walking alongside her as they followed the group to drop off their dishes.

“no, i’m going to head back to the dorm and go watch some videos maybe.” y/n told him, already searching around the mass of people in front of them for her tall brunette manwhore of a friend.

“mind if i join you?” dolph asked, dropping off their dishes.

she thought about it for a moment. would it be a bad idea to have dolph come over? ah, who cares? she’s had ted over to her room without cody being there and vice versa, what made dolph any different.

“i don’t mind at all, besides, i think my friend is going to the game to score.” she laughed, nodding towards cody.

eve was practically hanging off of cody’s arm, feeling up on his bicep as they talked with their already forming friend group.

“but let me go double check first, come with me.” she told dolph, motioning dolph to follow her as she made her way over to the group. she tapped cody’s shoulder, smiling when he turned to greet her.

“oh hey y/n! you going to the game? you can tag along with us!” he told her, turning towards the group. he opened his mouth, about to introduce y/n to them, in case they forgot her introduction from this morning, when he was cut off.

“oh actually, dolph and i are gonna head back to the dorm. i can trust your smart self to make it back safe right?” she asked, not noticing the way cody had immediately began to size up dolph.

“oh! i’ll bring him back it’s okay.” eve piped up, squeezing cody’s arm as she stared up at the man.

y/n smiled politely, trying not to say anything about the way eve was trying way too hard to get cody’s attention. she knew, ted knew, and cody knew, that if you truly wanted to get into cody’s bed, it wasn’t all too much of a challenge.

“alright, we’ll see you! come on dolph! have fun codes!” y/n called out, waving goodbye to the group before turning on her heel and making her way out of the building. she knew dolph would be able to catch up to her - the perks of having long legs.

“so, what building are you in?” dolph asked, walking beside her with his hands in his pockets.

“celadon.” she answered, turning to look at him when she heard him gasp.

“no way. i’m right beside you. i’m in viridian.” dolph smiled.

“looks like i’ll be seeing a lot of you around, huh?” she mused as they walked up to the door of her building. she swiped her id card which served as the key, and dolph opened the door for her.

“you just met me and you think you can get rid of me so soon?” he teased, stepping off to the side to let her walk in first.

dolph followed behind y/n as she lead the way to her dorm room, and once they arrived, dolph couldn’t hide his excitement.

“i didn’t know you were in a single room. and no neighbors either?” he questioned, walking into the room and noting how y/n had kept the door wide open.

“nope! i heard enough terrible roommate stories to scare me away for a lifetime, so i decided i wanted my own room. i got real lucky with the no neighbors though.” y/n laughed. she pulled out her chair for dolph to sit in, “please sit! welcome to my humble abode.”

dolph sat down in the chair, leaning back on it and turning to face y/n as she sat up on her bed. he scooted closer to her, positioning himself to be right in front of her.

“so, do you always keep the door open when you invite guys over?” dolph questioned, his voice lowering to a sultry tone.

of course, with y/n’s inexperience, she hadn’t thought too much about the change in tone. it didn’t change too much from how he was speaking to her earlier.

“well, i’ve only ever had cody or ted over. cody’s the guy from our orientation group and ted’s his roommate. but yeah, it’s usually wide open throughout the day. i only close it if it’s quiet hours and we’re still in here, if i’m going to sleep, or if i’m just not in the room at all.” she answered, tensing up once dolph’s hand had found its resting place on her knee.

“and do you always wear outfits like this? you’re absolutely breathtaking.” dolph whispered, his eyes lingering over y/n’s form.

oh. this was not where y/n had expected this to go. but maybe she was reading the situation wrong.

dolph stood up, resting his hands on y/n’s waist and leaning down to bring his face near hers.

okay, no she was reading the situation completely correct. y/n placed her hands on dolph’s chest and slightly pushed him as a warning.

“please don’t.” she whispered, her voice shaking with something like fear.

“then why’d you invite me in here, baby. i’ve been chatting you up the whole day, you invite me back to your room, and you expect me to not make a move?” dolph questioned, pulling y/n in closer to him which caused her to yelp.

“dolph, no. i don’t want to do this with you.” y/n let out another yelp when dolph began to lean in, turning her head so he kissed her cheek instead. “dolph no, stop!” she squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to push him away as he continued to pull her in closer.

suddenly, dolph disappeared. his touch was removed from her and she could finally breathe.

“hey asshole, she told you to stop.”

she opened her eyes at cody’s voice, turning to see cody holding dolph close to him by the collar of dolph’s shirt. dolph had his hands raised up defensively, clearly not wanting to start a fight with cody.

“my bad bro. i didn’t hear her.” dolph defended as cody began to drag him out of the room. although, it didn’t seem like dolph made little effort to struggle against him.

“even if you didn’t hear her, you still could see how she’s physically reacting. now get lost. if i see you near her, i’ll beat your face in.” cody threatened, shoving dolph down to the ground of the hallway.

cody slammed the door shut in dolph’s face, glaring at him until his vision was cut by the door. although he knew that the doors could only be opened with a key, cody turned the deadbolt of the door for good measure.

“cody i-“

cody turned to look at y/n, and that was when y/n had made a note to never get on cody’s bad side. the man looked furious, his face quite literally a dark shade of red from anger.

“are you okay?” he asked, walking over to y/n. “he didn’t get any farther right? i got here in time?” cody continued to question, looking over y/n’s figure before quickly turning his head to face the wall. “your, your skirt. he flipped it up.” he told her.

y/n’s face turned beet red as she quickly flipped down her skirt to cover herself up. she squeezed her legs tight together and cleared her throat. “you can look now. and i’m okay… thank you.” she said softly, looking up at cody as he met her gaze.

she could tell her answer wasn’t good enough for him, so she gave him a reassuring smile.

it did seem like her smile reassured cody enough, the man visibly relaxing and sitting himself down on y/n’s chair. he looked at her and sighed, bringing his hand up to pinch his nose bridge right between his eyes.

“what happened to that girl?” y/n questioned, realizing that it hadn’t been too long since her and dolph arrived at the dorms. “or those cheerleaders you were planning in flirting with?”

cody sighed again, bringing his hand down. he leaned back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. “i got the ick.” he answered, to which y/n’s eyes widened in shock.

“you. cody rhodes. infamous manwhore. man who’s already fucked like 3 different girls since arriving in the dorms. man who allegedly has 4 baby mommas from high school. got the ick.” y/n let out, smiling sheepishly when cody’s head suddenly shot up to glare at her for her high school comments.

“first off, i already told you i never got a girl pregnant or even had a pregnancy scare, they’re just making rumors about me because they wish they got to sleep with me. and second!” cody began, pointing an accusing finger at y/n who had began to giggle like a little schoolgirl. he paused before bringing his hand down and leaning back into his seat. “yes, i got the ick.”

“well? what’d she do?” y/n asked, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. to say she was invested was an understatement.

cody groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. “she was a bad kisser. like, i don’t know how to describe it. you know how like when you have your first makeout session or sometimes even first kiss it’s typically really bad and messy? somehow this was worse than that.” he complained.

y/n paused at his words. when she didn’t say anything for a while, cody met her gaze. he couldn’t decipher what emotions were running through y/n’s mind.

“i… don’t know.” she admitted softly, her face turning red in embarrassment. y/n quickly turned her face away from cody so he couldn’t see how bad her blush was becoming.

“you don’t know what?” cody asked, confusion dripping down his chin as well as spilling out on to his face.

“i never kissed anyone.” she admitted, bringing her hand up to rub the back of her neck.

at this, cody’s eyes widened in bewilderment.

“what? like ever?” he questioned loudly, watching as y/n nodded her head in confirmation. cody could suddenly feel himself get angry once again. “well thank god i fucking came back. imagine if that shithead had been your first kiss. you probably would never want to kiss anyone after that. he can’t even tell when you’re uncomfortable so how would he know how to kiss?” he scoffed, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes in frustration.

she didn’t say anything in reply, lost in her thoughts. cody didn’t say anything either, letting his anger lull over although he kept picturing the scenario that he had walked in on. and to think that dolph guy thought he could pull a fast one on y/n. the silence that filled the room was tense for two different reasons: one of them was overthinking and the other was trying not to go on a manhunt.

“is… is it bad if i don’t know how to kiss though? like if i were to start dating someone in college, do you think they’d mind that i’ve never kissed anyone though?” y/n questioned, turning to look at cody.

“depends.” cody answered with a shrug, uncrossing his arms. “it genuinely depends on the person. me though? i’d prefer having someone that has experience, you know. i already went through the whole learning from someone and teaching another.”

y/n hummed in response, thinking over cody’s answer. looks like she’ll just have to hope that whoever she ends up liking, they won’t mind teaching her a thing or two.

she shuddered at the thought that dolph was almost her first kiss, and suddenly became hyper aware of all the places he had put his hands on her. y/n wiped away at her cheek where he had kissed her, and then moved on to wipe at her hips.

“what are you doing?” cody questioned as he watched his friend suddenly go feral with wiping away at her body.

“i was thinking about the fact that dolph was almost my first kiss and now i’m like hyperaware of all the places he’s touched and - it feels so wrong.” she complained, her wiping becoming more frantic as she began to process more of what had almost happened if cody hadn’t stepped in.

suddenly, she felt cody grab her hands to stop her. she looked up at him with wide eyes, not even catching that he had stood up from his seat and that he had even moved over to her.

“c’mere y/n.” cody whispered, guiding y/n to wrap her arms around his waist before wrapping his own arms around her. y/n felt cody hug her gently, and she tensed up in his arms. it wasn’t long before she melted in his embrace, relaxing against him and pressing her face into his chest.

“you’re very warm… and smell good.” she mumbled against his chest. she felt him laugh, causing her to smile against him. y/n pulled her face out of his chest so she could look up at him with a wide smile.

“is this better than his touch?” he questioned as he looked down at her.

she nodded her head tightening her arms around his waist as she pressed the side of her face against his chest. she shut her eyes and breathed out,

“that shouldn’t even be a question.”

|| next part ||

[hwaightme]

Your fan, Seonghwa (part 1)

(your fan ml)

🛸 pairing: seonghwa x nerdfluencer & physicist!reader 🛸 genre: romance, fluff, mutual pining 🛸 summary: a bulletpoint-style wordstream of what it would be like if seonghwa was stanning you 🛸 wordcount: 5.4k 🛸 warnings/tags: language, SCIENCE, astrophysics, may the force be with you, scientific formulas, lego obsession, yunho driving, hongjoong jealousy and fatigue, seonghwa just wants someone to be a nerd with, lmk if anything else 🛸 taglist: [temporarily removed because... dumblr] 🛸 a/n: Hello there my loves <3 here is part 1 for Your Fan Seonghwa! The end is nigh and I am in denial ;~; Much love and biggest hugs <3

"Hold up, are you... no.... NOT THIS!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!! GUYS WE HAVE LOST HIM!!!

A wild Wooyoung crashed Seonghwa's dorm room, and yelled bloody murder as he saw what could only be described as cursed scriptures on the older member's phone screen. It was unmistakable... they were FORMULAS... EQUATIONS... THE MOMENT WHEN MATHS SUDDENLY HAD MORE LETTERS THAN NUMBERS...

"What???? What is happening???" a confused Mingi, who was passing by the room while walking down the corridor, called out and peered in. Wooyoung was crouched on the floor, clenching his shirt as though he was having a heart attack.

"He is... HE IS WATCHING PHYSICS LECTURES." That was enough for Mingi to shriek, and be joined by San, who collapsed onto his knees right at the door, and beat it a couple of times with his fist, and screamed:

"HE HAS BEEN POSSESSED NOOOOOO..."

"I think I am about to pass out this is disgusting..." Wooyoung whispered to himself, not noticing Yunho creep into the room, assessing the damage.

"Bro you are supposed to be a role model and you do this?" Yunho asked shaking his head in disapproval.

"This is to answer the question of whether Tatooine's twin stars could be a real thing and actually have planets forming around them. It is really nicely explained and informative, and I highly recommend it." Seonghwa's voice remained level while he was observing the reactions of his fellow members - just as he had expected, and intended.

"That's what they all say... and then they go get a degree..." Yeosang interjected while walking by the room, every bit a mourning man.

"Hey STEM is also cool!" Seonghwa added making the group erupt in waves of groans and gasps.

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, YOU TRAITOR?" Wooyoung shouted out, having turned borderline manic at this point.

"I really can't see why we split the sciences and liberal arts in such a hardcore way. I mean, the really awesome stuff happens when we combine them, right?"

The eldest member was just having fun taking the piss at this point, knowing that if anybody was distant to science, it was the majority of ATEEZ. With the exception of Yeosang, but he felt the natural sciences to be a moral trigger so he was not destroying the 'not quite STEM fond' agenda.

"You know what, keep on watching it you corrupt man, but out of my sight for my sake."

"First of all, you are the one who barged into my room for some fucking reason. Second of all, okay then, I'll tell you about dark matter and dark energy later."

"What?" Wooyoung, who had already picked himself up off the floor and was in process of slowly getting out of the room, suddenly froze and turned his head dramatically.

"Space is fun, you should 'open up your eyes open up your mind' a bit."

"Yeah that's why I'm asking you to give me that space and keep some space between us. I don't want to have a stress-induced stroke or something."

"Do you even have a brain to have a stroke with?" Hongjoong entered the room, making his way to his bed, done with the younger member's antics, and moderately disinterested in whatever cursed content Seonghwa was indulging in in his free time.

"I swear, the more time I spend in the studio, the more shit goes down at home and I end up finding out via Twitter or as a public announcement. Can science explain that, Hwa?" Hongjoong called out while rubbing his face with his hands in an attempt to fight sleep.

"Nah, don't know anything about psychology, sorry."

"Oooh how does that make you feel Joongie?" San tried to prod.

"Scram, you menace, show's over." Hongjoong aimed with a pillow, ready to start physical violence, but the threat seemed to carry across well enough, "San, I have yet to think of consequences for you and your bloody international conspiracies, so for you I am auto-pissed."

"Aight, I'm boutta head out." Yunho raised his hands and grabbed both San and Wooyoung by the collars, and dragged them out. Mingi was polite enough to just follow along.

"Have a NICE TIME!" Seonghwa merely smiled as a frustrated Wooyoung slammed the door to the older member's dorm and stomped off, obviously not satisfied with the lack of a scoop. He was in dire need of tea, and the one member that had not yet revealing ANYTHING at all was just going insane with his space obsession - not good enough.

Seonghwa knew that he would not be attacked. He had a foolproof strategy to hide himself. And it was the power of natural sciences and mathematics. All he had to do was switch screens and he would have one of your 'professional' videos playing. One where it was just your voice, and a digital blackboard occupying the entire screen, with you writing formula after formula.

He found it challenging to pick up on all the things you said in your more academically intense videos (at least straight away), but your passion was addictive, and Seonghwa had discovered that you were brilliant at providing analogies for concepts that were hard for him. This had resulted in him proudly being able to calculate redshift, and relative magnitudes (with these endeavours having been done in secret, on envelopes or napkins, out of everyone's sight).

This kind of study-along had become one of the ways in which Seonghwa decided he could connect with you without being grilled by the other members. The only one who had raised an eyebrow and had taken his behaviours with suspicion had been Hongjoong, but with no other evidence, the captain could not make him walk the plank.

If he wanted to unwind and treat your videos almost like relaxing ASMR, he either went to your other channel where you did 'researcher vlogs' or focused on the videos that were whole sessions dedicated to simply nerding out over your favourite things. Which just so happened to be incredibly similar to his. To Seonghwa, there was nothing better than your ability to combine your professional knowledge and total shitposting.

He loved how you would include Star Wars memes in otherwise serious videos. How you would dive into the great depths and divulge the details of something like the impact of destruction over Endor, or the flight dynamics of space craft in Star Wars, or the famous discussion of vibrations in space, and how all sound in the movie should be treated as an interpretation for the audience, rather than something that the characters could actually hear.

You had also mentioned a couple of times about Star Wars figurines and LEGO sets, which had sent his heart ablaze, but so far, had never shown even as much as a hint at a collection - which he had written to you about in the comments of one of your YouTube videos using a fake account.

He had almost squealed when he saw that you had favourited the comment, and replied to it with a quick 'perhaps soon ;)'. It really meant nothing, and anyone could have written the same thing in half a second, but it was you, and he suddenly understood in much greater depth how ATINY probably felt when he read their comments out during a live.

Seonghwa had discovered you when searching for a clip from one of the Star Wars films, a clip which you had just so happened to have analysed. He had been curious about what you had to say, so he simply clicked, not knowing that this was the start of something much greater.

First, the thought you were a YouTuber who produced Star Wars related content. Next, he thought you were an adorable nerd who liked space. Then, he thought you were an incredibly intelligent and multifaceted individual who had a broad range of interests, fascinating experiences, and a passion for science. And finally, he figured out that you were a fully fledged researcher working towards her PhD in astrophysics in a high profile institute, were hilarious, what he would consider a genius, and yet were supremely humble, down to earth (he found it interesting to describe you in that way while you were studying everything that surrounded the planet) and so genuine.

He did not consider himself a fan at all, because he simply wanted to get to know you, off camera In real life. Seonghwa had a crush on you from the get-go. And the opportunity to meet had presented himself out of the blue, and on the best day possible, when a schedule had just been canceled. In the community tab on your channel you had announced that you would be doing a small meet and greet in a specific location, and that if anyone wanted to pop by during a set period of time, you would be there.

It was set. He was going to pull 99z tactic and make a run for it. This was critical. Much to his dismay, once he checked the map, he saw that the 'venue' you had chosen, which turned out to be one of the 'dream-ity' cafes was... far. Very far. Especially for him, since it was either public transport and high exposure risk, or walking which would just send him to go meet people in the after life instead.

He had no choice. Seonghwa needed a partner in crime. But there was only one who fit the role anyways. He needed Yunho. Upon receiving a cryptic text from the eldest member, he ambled into the room, a smirk on his face.

"So? What do you need me for? Does Cinderella need to head to the ball?"

"Honestly, kind of. I need to attend this one event, but it is far." Seonghwa kept his descriptions vague, not wanting to reveal too much too soon.

"Why not grab one of the drivers?" Yunho narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"This is a private matter."

"Well you know I need details now. And I am not moving anywhere until I get them."

Yunho could feel where this was going. He could see that familiar glint in Seonghwa's eyes. This was peak 'I am crushing, I know it, but I don't want to tell you' behaviour. Finally, the old man found a potential special someone. This was a day to celebrate.

"I said, private." Seonghwa reiterated. Yunho did not really need to know the details, because he was already on board, but it was fun to annoy Seonghwa when he could.

"Hey, what if you are going to go be murdering people, then I would need to bring cling film and plastic bags at least. State your business."

"If you drive me there I know you will snoop anyways, so why tell?"

Damn. He was good.

"Oh that sounds spicy, okay I'm in. But wait shouldn't we let Hongjoong know that we are going out? It'll be less suspicious that way - too many members have made the mistake of not having him on their side already."

"You make a good point, JOOOOOOOONG?" Seonghwa stood up to start getting ready. If he was to make it to the fan meet closing, he needed to be heading out of the door right about now. Yunho caught on and rapidly hobbled out to grab his jacket and mask against any in-car paparazzi photos.

"Yo?" Hongjoong poked his head into the room, and took a swig of the mid-evening coffee he had in his hand.

"Yunho and I are going on a trip." Seonghwa explained, whilst inspecting himself in the mirror, styling his hair.

"In our favourite rocket ship." Yunho returned, playing with the car keys, and decided that Hongjoong needed a bigger headache today.

"Zooming through the sky." Seonghwa understood the assignment and picked up on the song cue.

"Little Einstein." Yunho leaned over and whisper screamed into Hongjoong's ear, making him shudder and lean far back.

"What in tarnation?"

"Don't worry about it Joongie we shall be back shortly."

"Uh so no one will explain why??? NOR WHERE????"

Hongjoong shouted at the already closed front door.

But little did Seonghwa and Yunho know, Hongjoong had a talent for running down the emergency stairs of the apartment building faster than the elevator moved. And he also could hide behind the car so effectively, that the pair only noticed his form chilling in the back seat when Yunho had already started the engine and was about to drive out.

"Hongjoong WHAT are you doing here, how???" Seonghwa yelled after having his soul momentarily depart from his body when he saw Hongjoong's dark silhouette in the front mirror. In the meantime, Yunho was struggling to contain a fit of giggles, and was grasping onto the steering wheel for dear life.

"I have special powers. And I want to find out who you are going to go meet and hell's ass o'clock. I don't need another midnight concert-goer or gym rat."

"Don't worry, I'm more tame than that."

Yunho smiled to himself. There already was progress - Seonghwa was revealing more and more about who in the world he wanted to go see.

After having finally arrived to the location, with Hongjoong whining that it was so far and that the other members were probably already burning the dorms down, they stopped. Seonghwa made no move towards getting out of the car, instead looking off into the darkness, observing some figures moving about.

He was trying to make sense of where you were, so that he could find the best moment to enter the scene. The other two members went quiet at the same exact time, just observing Seonghwa, who seemed to have been able to locate a target.

He spotted you waving to a couple of people who just departed from the cafe, officially leaving you as the only one left. The cafe had already closed, so you were loitering outside, and checking something on your phone. Illuminated by the streetlights, you were like a fairy tale. It was difficult for Seonghwa to convince himself that it actually was you in front of him and not some illusion. What if it was just his wishful thinking? Well, only one way to find out.

He huffed, threw on a black cap and checked his mask was not wonky, and opened the car door. Hongjoong was about to call out to him, but Yunho was quick to react and rapidly extended his arm out, nearly hitting the captain in the face but at least preventing him from making noise.

Seonghwa bolted to you as soon as he looked around and confirmed that there were no curious eyes - he was not about to lose all rationality, as much as he wanted to.

Yunho and Hongjoong were watching the scene unfold with wide eyes and jaws dropped to the floor. Only now did Hongjoong realise that this weird outing was about that ONE YOUTUBE PERSON Seonghwa kept on watching. Hongjoong should have seen it coming, considering how a couple of members had found love via social media. Of course, Seonghwa was going to be an internet creep. How else.

"YO YUNHO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

"Livestreaming for chat, duh. I'm sending updates."

"THE GUYS DO NOT NEED TO KNOW??? Hey give me the phone-"

"Can you even reach that far? Hah Woo is flipping out and saying he is sad he can't say 'no bitches' to Seonghwa every morning anymore."

"Seriously though stop sending pics this is literally-"

"Once ATEEZ, always ATEEZ. We know ALL."

When Seonghwa approached you and called you by your name, you were all ears. For some reason, you had felt the need to stay behind, just a little longer. Your heart had told you so - and apparently, it was clairvoyant or very well-attuned to world vibrations. Here was a mysterious stranger, clad in black, talking to you. Part of you was a little afraid, but there was nothing a little lab-made spray that was in your pocket could not do. You put away your phone, and began to reach for the item, but at the last second decided to ask for your fan's name.

Seonghwa could not lie. It would not sit right with him. Besides, he only recently had seen what kind of shit went down when that happened - also known as San fighting a love war on too many fronts. So, after a moment of deliberation, he uncovered his face, and quietly whispered a "Park Seonghwa..."

And that made you flip, as you clapped your hands in excitement, your face lighting up with the widest grin you could muster.

"SO WAIT WHO EXACTLY IS A FAN OF WHO? WHO IS TAKING PHOTOS WITH WHO?"

Seonghwa was unable to process, basically forgetting that he was an idol and people could know him, even though seconds ago he was in full sneak mode. Hearing you say his name with so much glee did things to him.

"Uh... I am... definitely... A fan... so..." he was trying to force out, unable to break focus from the joy you were experiencing.

"Well same here! And more specifically yourself! I'll be honest, it's one of your Lego assembly lives that did it and introduced me to ATEEZ, since uh, you know, we are fellow Star Wars appreciators."

Seonghwa totally was not contemplating whether it was considered too early to marry a person who he had officially met only a couple of minutes ago.

It was not the stage presence, nor was it the talent and skill oozing from this man that had been the thing that hooked you in initially. You had grown to appreciate that later, and became a bit of a fan, but what had been the little lightbulb moment that helped you discover Seonghwa and ATEEZ, was Lego. You were a proud internet dweller, and enjoyed traversing content that was associated with your areas of interest regularly, so as soon as you saw Star Wars and Lego in a just finished livestream on a channel called ATEEZ, you had to check it out.

And that was how you came face to face with an incredibly handsome, yet somehow still cute man who was raving about what was your favourite game, toy, arguably way of life, of all time. All at once. After reading through some comments that were under the video, you figured out his name, his occupation, that "his duality was no joke", that he was "ethereal and was making people melt", that people would be happy if he rearranged them like the little building blocks, that his name was star related... and that he was an avid Star Wars fan.

Well there was no choice for you but to at least respect this man. And that respect, quickly enough, turned into you listening to "This Is ATEEZ" on loop on Spotify, and making your colleagues passively memorise some of the songs because of how many times they had graced their ears. Their videos were probably the only deviation from the usual astrophysics lectures and movie clips that you had in your recommended on YouTube, and you were pretty happy with that. They hit your 2AM 'need to work on my five projects but am derailed by sleep debt and lack of caffeine' funny bone alarmingly well.

Once your a tid-bit oblivious self finally recognised the legend that was in front of you, you became an unstoppable wave of compliments. It was only fair, and the least you could do. He had come to your meet and greet, waited for hell knows how long, all while most likely having a billion other more important things to do.

Seonghwa was blushing into infinity, but you continued. You mentioned that you often cranked up ATEEZ tunes when working in the labs, and Seonghwa was ready to become total mush then and there.

Your conversation then eventually turned back to the original point of the fan meeting - to talk science fiction and outer space, and you stated that you would be more than happy to show Seonghwa some of the more serious work that you did. Realising that you were pretty much asking him out, Seonghwa was giddy, and wasted no time in agreeing with you and asking when.

Without thinking about it much and just deciding on the spot to take the risk, you ask for his phone, saying that ,such ventures would require closer collaboration', with a smile.

In the meantime, Hongjoong was screaming in the car, having a metaphorical heart attack, while Yunho was now on video call with the rest of ATEEZ, doing something similar to a live broadcast - an attempt which the captain could hear was being guided by none other than Yeosang, who, amidst the hoots and tease after tease, was explaining (unprompted) the theory behind live on-scene reporting as though he had been called on by a teacher.

Hongjoong could not take his eyes away from the exchange between you and Seonghwa. While he could not say many details about you, his friend was like an open book to him, and every twist, every turn, every tilt that he could recognise (no thanks to the distance between the parked vehicle and the two of you), Hongjoong could see that Seonghwa was deeply into you. Far too deeply for it to be just a little passing interest.

As Seonghwa texted you and you confirmed the numbers have indeed been exchanged, you suggested to take a photo together, so you could use each other's halves for profile pics and he decided that he was yours even if you did not need him in your life. A resounding series of 'brooooo's resounded from the call as Yunho tried to focus the camera on the scene, despite Hongjoong shouting 'creep' at him.

After setting up communication, organising what you both had agreed was to be a date and parting ways, Seonghwa waddled back into the car like the happiest duckling of all time. Literally could not speak while Hongjoong was punching his shoulder repeatedly.

Yunho shook Seonghwa's hand and Wooyoung could be heard HOLLERING over the phone and begging for Yunho to show Seonghwa's face, which was glowing. He became eternal sunshine.

--

For your date (and yes he kept on chanting this in his head) Seonghwa decided to make you a rose out of Lego, and glued it together so that it could be a permanent piece that would not be damaged while being transported. Whilst in the process of making it, he had to fight off the 99z menaces, only managing to get rid of them when he went against his nature and littered the floor with spare Lego pieces like a minefield.

Hongjoong has been on edge ever since the so-called fan meet, eyeing Seonghwa whenever he would as much as touch his phone, and try peek over his shoulder if he began to smile like a lovesick fool. The captain was doing just about the same thing now, watching Seonghwa as he was making finishing touches on the rose.

"Hey, Hwa, can I at least meet her? Or like learn more about her?"

"As long as you don't stalk me and her, and meet her not in person not right now, sure."

"Bruh."

"I know you can and do creep on the interwebs."

"Dang it. The sad part is that you're right. Okay give me just like.... a rundown? Can I trust her?"

Seonghwa, proud of the gift he had just finished making, was now in the process of tidying up, carefully wiping the floor.

"If it helps, she is the kind of person to have to-do lists, me and her literally have an agenda set out, and she sent all location and time details in advance."

"Shit okay she is responsible-"

"She participated in a rocket launch."

"YOU WHAT FAM??" Hongjoong was shaken. How did this person have time for everything?

"Yeah. She is an astrophysicist, so she wasn't designing the rocket per se, but contributed in a different project phase."

"Damn, she might even be able to understand the ATEEZ lore with that brain."

"Uh huh."

"Can I come with you?"

"No." Seonghwa shut the leader down with a smile, twirling the flower between two of his fingers, as he thought about the evening ahead.

--

Judging from your reaction to the surprise present, the rose might as well have been a newly discovered star - that was how you admired it, how you handled it, and how you turned into an automated praise dispenser towards Seonghwa - he was glad that the institute where you had decided it was safest to meet had a penchant for 'conserving energy' and kept the lights relatively dim, so you could not see just how red his ears were.

You decided that the best place to begin the tour would be the mini planetarium that was housed inside the institute. Seeing as you had exclusive access even after hours, it was an opportunity one simply could not pass up. As you led Seonghwa from one exhibit to another, and managed to guide him through it thanks to being here countless times already, you notice just how immersed he was, and caught flashes of near boyish excitement as you threw in a couple of references from popular culture, be it your favourite franchise or details from movies like Interstellar or The Martian.

Moving along, you led him to one of the stronger telescopes that were on site - even though they were not much compared to those in an observatory, and were more for fun rather than for research and real observation, it was definitely enough to make Seonghwa send out a barrage of questions regarding anything he could spot. To you, it was a rare occasion to meet someone outside of your field of work who was equally as excited about all things space. And of course, it was even rarer to have that person be a crush of yours.

Then, it was time for the final destination. Your pride and joy, one that you had spent quite some time decorating. Your office. Well, technically you shared it with other post graduates but they allowed you to go ham on the interior design so you considered the office to be mainly your space.

And THAT was where Seonghwa saw some parts of your collection, and was completely blown away. There was a glass cabinet position against a wall a bit further away from the entrance, and in it, he would spot The Razor Crest, a Hoth AT-ST, R2-D2, Luke Skywalker's Landspeeder, and many, many more. He gravitated towards the display, and his mind was spinning from the sheer glee of seeing such beauty. As he was taken by the sight, you left his side for a couple of seconds, and then returned, and poked his shoulder lightly.

When Seonghwa turned his head, he nearly yelped.

"Is that... A box... for the Mos Eisley Cantina?"

"Yeah, and I was wondering if you wanted to... assemble it, together?"

"A HUNDRED TIMES YES?"

You had never seen a man drop to the floor that quickly before. In a matter of seconds, Seonghwa was sitting, as one might say, 'criss cross apple sauce', and patting the space next to him, in front of him, wherever just please let's unpack this and get to it.

So you spend the whole night just making the model on the floor of your office, in your own little world, enjoying life.

Which of course meant that he came home at... 6AM, disregarding seventeen missed calls and forty-two texts from Hongjoong, looking like the happiest man alive. Which made the captain melt as he stored away the insults and scolding session he had prepared for later use - because it was Seonghwa after all, Seonghwa could be forgiven, and Seonghwa would make him clean the room probably.

So instead, he sat by Seonghwa's side as he flicked through photo after photo after photo, showing Hongjoong progress pics of the Lego assembly, with very aesthetically pleasing photos of you sprinkled all over his camera roll. It was far too clear - Seonghwa was down bad.

They had not noticed Yeosang slink into the room, but considering that he had stayed politely quiet, accepted his presence.

"Is my man... a goner? Do I need to ask my girlfriend to make a funeral fit?" Hongjoong asked.

"Hyung it is more likely to be a wedding fit do you see how smitten this guy is?" Yeosang interjected, posing a counter.

"Yeah and that is what scares me, I am barely keeping all of you guys under control and if this guy also goes off into a different orbit then I am actually going to be in a permanents crisis."

"Hongjoong you already are in a crisis... like all the time..." Yeosang was ready to fire this fine morning.

"And I am going to go into a melt down if Seonghwa is also gonna be out of it. My guy, if you crack and start sneaking out on top of spending so much time hell knows where I will actually lose my marbles, I need at least one responsible adult with me."

"Can I invite her over then? She'll be the responsible adult." Seonghwa quipped, stopping his swiping on one of his favourite photos of you, where you were concentrated on attaching a particularly small piece.

"Dude that is kind of..."

"Really she is so awesome. If anything, I would kick everybody else out." Seonghwa joked, though immediately apologised under his breath out of fear of getting the notorious slap of justice.

"Then what's the point?" Hongjoong was confused at the older member's logic.

"Well if you don't want me out of the dorms, that's my solution."

"I don't want you to be fully out of it, that's my point."

"Out of what?"

"The sigma grindset, maybe?"

"Bruh what even. Hypocrisy at its finest. Plus you yourself said she is responsible and an absolute legend." Seonghwa was not on board with the captain's attempts at stopping him. It only made him want to continue meeting up with you even more.

"That she is. I actually googled her not too long ago. Damn, she is... SMART. Have you seen how many sciency papers she wrote? And they are in journals!?" now that came to Seonghwa as a surprise. Although he knew a lot more about you in the personal sense, and enjoyed learning about your hobbies and interests, he had never fully dived into the work you did as he had deemed it above him, thus not a point of focus.

"Wait really? I did not look into that part, since I-"

"No you really have to take a look, it's crazy. If you think that her channel is intense with info, this is next level. Those papers lost me at the title."

-

And so, Seonghwa looked. And looked some more. Tried to read. Pretended to understand or at least skim and appreciate even though it made him progressively more miserable and planted seeds of doubt and ridiculous conclusions that he was somehow 'inadequate'. And on your subsequent dates, Seonghwa became more and more preoccupied with appearing 'smarter', rather than fully being himself. He wanted to be more academic with you, feeling like that was what you deserved. As days turned into weeks, he found himself regularly looking at your work, reminding himself that he would never be able to achieve this, and regarding you as someone out of his league. He was prone to self-doubt, and here, out of the blue, all fuses were blown and all alarms triggered. The final straw was when a student, younger than both of you, who was doing a research placement at the institute, gave you a call, and Seonghwa could understand virtually NOTHING that was said aside from hello and goodbye even though he was pretty sure all had been in Korean. He wanted to shut down. He could not imagine keeping up.

Thankfully, you knew a thing or two about stars and could tell when they started to shine a little less brightly.

[queer-reader-07]

a pinned post for ya!

send me art prompts!

asks are always open <3

hi! you can call me A and my pronouns are mostly they/them. (if there're others they'll be in my bio) (gendered words are fine, with the exception of girl/queen). i'm queer, i'm a nerd, and you will never catch me being normal about media.

i'm a stem student with plans to pursue biochem and eventually infectious disease research, do with that information what you will. (all the #stem major shenanigans will be tagged as such, you will often see me either lamenting about math or screaming about chemistry)

my politic and world view are based largely in radical hope and love and sometimes i sappy post on main about those things <3

my icon is by @creatingelena over on instagram!! they did two portraits for me so here's both 🩷

now for some blog organization:

i used to be a meta writer in another life (aka, before The Discourse became too much for me) so! the following are going to be links to some good omens metas & meta adjacent pieces of writing i'd like to properly catalogue (if you send me an ask about any of these takes i'll usually be down to elaborate or chat, just not actively writing meta anymore)

On Interpreting Aziracrow Platonically

The Inevitability of The Final Fifteen

The Importance of Choice Over Fate

Coffee Theory and the Disparaging of Aziraphale’s Character

Sexy is a State of Mind

The Morality of Good Omens & Catholicism

a love letter to trans romance (it's good omens related i promise <3)

why i hate when people she/her muriel

next up is some non-good omens related writing that i want to keep from being yeeted into the void

Being On Purpose

On Being Trans and Conceptualizing My Younger Self

Making a Home in the Liminal Space

Love Is Powerful

infodumping on radical hope

5 times i almost cried and 1 time i did (this is about hozier)

pieces of my soul i can't reject

it won't implode forever

and lastly, links to my Other Stuff that you may find interesting (under the cut)

substack: if you're interested in some long form, slightly more formal writing about the books, shows, and media i'm consuming you can find that on my substack.

links to all current essays/posts:

The Inherent Queerness of Good Omens

Me, My Dad, and Media: Episode 1

A Love Letter to Middle Aged Queer Narratives

I read "Freedom is a Constant Struggle." Here are my takeaways.

My Favorite Books of 2023

The Platonic Love Story of the DoctorDonna

Me, My Dad, and Media: Episode 2 (Dune)

i want to watch my communities grow old

My Mind is Spread Out Amongst the Pages

and finally, for the fellow readers in the audience, you can add me on storygraph here

[celestiall0tus]

Siren Song Ideas for Aurore, Chloe, and Nathaniel:

Aurore - A bright, friendly girl. When she was young, her grandmother gave an impactful piece of advice: "The experiences we go through will always teach us something, even the painful ones. That's why it is important to remember instead of forgetting. By remembering, we can learn, and by learning, we can know how to process and move forward." This was the last thing her grandmother told her before she passed away from old age. Aurore took this advice to heart and does her best to remember all the important things she can, which has led to her finding creative ways to do it, like making scrapbooks, writing in diaries, and taking dozens of photos. She also never forgets important upcoming events and appointments, both for her and her friends, leading her to be the one her friends ask about what they learned in class or when the next test is. Aurore is also a budding reporter, which leads her to become friends with fellow budding reporter Alya. Both are in charge of the school newspaper, and Aurore even helps Ayla with her blog, often being the one to do interviews.

Chloe - A high-strung girl, who is always checking on what her friends are doing. She always makes to know what they're planning and going to do, always being sure to send texts (and calls when they don't respond to texts) to check them and see if they're ok and what's up. This might make her seem controlling, but the truth is she's just very overprotective. This overprotective nature stems from an incident in her childhood. When she was younger and was paying more attention to playing with her friend Adrien at a playground, she ended up not paying enough attention to her little sister Zoe. Zoe ended up wandering off into her nearby woods where she went missing for 3 days straight, until she mysteriously reappeared back at her dad's hotel. This event led to Chloe feeling immense guilt over the situation, blaming herself for it, and developing major anxiety over something horribly potentially happening to her friends, leading to her overprotective nature. This anxiety is not helped by the fact that ever since the event, Zoe has developed an obsession with those woods, claiming she met a dragon lady in them.

Nathaniel - a dreamer in both a figurative and literal sense. An artist that can often become lost in his ideas, most of which come from his own dreams. He keeps a dream journal and even a dream sketchbook. He can spend hours focused on either his dreams or his artwork. This has led to him developing a reputation of being lazy, which isn't entirely untrue due to his decently sized disdain for stressor physical activity (this boy hates gym class). He's also a big homebody who prefers staying home over going out.

Sorry for the delay @mysteriouslymysticalgiver, but I have them added to the master post

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Dangerous Romance Ep 12 (FINALE):

We're tying loose ends! I'm really excited to see my GuyNava ship sailing even if it is just one episode 😭😭😭😭 Also, Name and Saifah would probably switch places as Saifah's name will be cleared and Name will have to go to jail for (the much-deserved) shooting of Big Boss.

1. No connection to the plot whatsoever but I just realised, we never did get a ViewJune moment 😭😭😭 I thought this series would at least give us a glimpse of what is to come considering they are being paired in upcoming (much-awaited!) GMMTV GL series, 23.5. 😔😔😔

2. Kang, that gag was already sold by Pat (and bought by Pran) when the BBS production crew decided to have Pat shot and hospitalised ON CHRISTMAS EVE. Yes, I still have not forgotten nor forgiven 😂.

3. Oooh. Guy is walking without crutches! My dude, looks like your 'shooting star' is highly effective in making wishes come true. 🤭🤭🤭

4. Name, you stupid dumbass. Saifah should have just betrayed you from the get-go. I am still not above skinning you alive. 🤬

5. Ngl, I teared up with that conversation between Kang and his Dad. Also, that embrace between brothers, Sailom and Saifah 🥹🥹🥹 And then all was lost when I saw that big-assed tarpaulin welcoming Sailom back that Kang posted on the school grounds 😂😂😂😂

6. Saifah and Name. I wonder if they will ever be able to get their dream of travelling together (preferably to the US) and live the "fast and furious" life. 😔 Also 'best buds'??? BEST BUDS??? ARE WE QUEER-BAITING NOW, PAPANG?

7. Oh, look at Guy. He is playing again 😊 Nava must be proud. Also, considering they used to goad Guy into fighting them, the way Max was ready to throw hands at the player who tripped Guy in the field is just 🤌. The gangs have fully merged.

8. Dad, what are you doing outside? Why are you not sitting with the audience? 😅

9. The fvck is that? I don't remember reviewing that much material to get into uni 😂😂😂 The bulk of those review materials looked like they are studying for licensure exams or something (in my home country, majority of STEM graduates need to take an appropriate licensure exam. Otherwise, you will never be qualified to do the work that you have spent 4 to 5 years studying for. Even with internships - no licence, not qualified).

10. Max and Auto, you know there is such a thing as FaceTime, right? 😂😂😂

11. Pimfah, my spirit animal and fellow GuyNava shipper 😂😂😂

12. Really? All we get are just bits and pieces of ViewJune? We have no choice but to take it, right? I'll just imagine the lesbians will be thriving in the UK 😭😭😭😭

13. I want a MarcPawin series with a lovely, no-mess storyline (looking at you, My Gear and Your Gown. It didn't help that GMMTV also did them dirty with the time slot and the promotion of MGYG). I NEED GMMTV TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭😭😭😭

14. Oh, look at that. Sailom is officially part of the family 😊

15. Okay, but why is Kang making the speech? I thought speeches are reserved for those who graduated with highest honours. 🤔🤔🤔 <after 5 seconds> Ah, of course. Sponsor's son. At least, he's more than aware and accepting now 😅

16. Really? You need to do a PSA of your dating life, Kang? WTH. 😂😂😂😂 and yes, we need the sudden (and completely unnecessary) rain to showcase the windmill umbrella. Gotta promote the merch, eh? 😅

17. Ooof. From Teacher Nubdao to P'Nubdao. We're getting close, Pimfah 😅😅😅

18. Max, you are rich enough to buy a selfie or vlogger stick. So why the ever loving fvck are you using your hand/arm to hold that phone? More importantly, why are you not equipped with the right camera for vlogging? 😅😅😅😅

19. What kind of p*rn play is this end credit scene??? 😂😂😂

Overall, I think this is an okay series. Of course, I might have been a bit misled by the trailer thinking that Sailom's family's debt forced him to sell himself (to prostitution) and Kang is gangster/mafia who comes to save him 😅, which could have perfectly explain the series title. Instead, we got minimal hints of danger all throughout the series. 😅😅 Still, I must thank this series for bringing MarcPawin back 😭😭😭 Now, to get GMMTV to have them cast as main for another BL series...😅😅😅

[jcmarchi]

3 Questions: From the bench to the battlefield

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/3-questions-from-the-bench-to-the-battlefield/

3 Questions: From the bench to the battlefield

Pursuing an Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program project (or two or three) is a quintessential part of the academic experience at MIT. The program, known as UROP, allows students to be “shoulder to shoulder” with faculty, graduate students, and affiliated researchers in MIT’s labs.

Given the plethora of research options and disciplines — everything from getting a crash course in advancing quantum computing to developing neuroprosthetics — it’s no surprise that over 90 percent of undergraduates end up doing a UROP by the time they graduate.

The half-century-old program continues to evolve, adapting to student interest. Consider the experience of rising senior Alexander Edwards, a nuclear and mechanical engineering student and cadet in the Army ROTC program. The Alabama native leveraged his military training thanks to a new fellowship with the Institute for Soldier Nanotechnologies (ISN), an endeavor in which MIT, the U.S. Department of Defense (DoD), and industry partners work together to develop technologies that advance the protection, survivability, and mission capabilities of the U.S. Armed Forces. That fellowship is thanks to a gift of alumnus and ROTC graduate Aneal Krishnan ’02, who commissioned as an infantry officer in the U.S. Army. Here, Edwards and Krishnan describe the unique UROP experience and offer advice for future students.

Q: What was special about having a UROP focused on the challenges that a soldier in the field might face, such as the decades-long challenges of managing excess weight while also having proper ballistic protection?

Edwards: Having a UROP specifically designed for MIT ROTC cadets has allowed me to grow my technical skills while also helping contribute to national defense. The ISN works on an array of different interesting research projects related to defense technologies in any and every STEM discipline.

Team members collaborate on basic research to create new materials, devices, processes, and systems, and on applied research to transition promising results toward practical products useful to the war fighter. U.S. Army members at the ISN also give guidance on soldier protection and survivability needs and evaluate the relevance of research proposed to address these needs.

These collaborations help identify dual-use applications for ISN-derived technologies for firefighters, police officers, other first responders, and the civilian community at large.

Krishnan: The ISN was founded at MIT in 2002, and since its founding, the ISN’s research has been the genesis of over 140 patents, more than 50 startups, and dozens of major transitions of fieldable products. Through the MIT ROTC/ISN fellowship, the ISN benefits from the work of exceptional science and engineering students from MIT, who will also be future military leaders and can bring a real-world perspective to their work. The ROTC cadets benefit by pursuing research as part of their degree in areas in which they are passionate, and that will benefit them in their endeavors after graduation. An overarching success of this fellowship is that there is now a connection between ROTC and MIT’s DoD labs that did not exist in my time as an undergraduate. As a tangible success in this regard, in March 2024, Lt. General Maria Barrett, the commanding general of U.S. Army Cyber Command, conducted a visit at MIT coordinated by both ROTC and the ISN, further elevating the profile of the Institute amongst the DoD top brass.

Q: What was your specific project? 

Edwards: My project for the past year has been related to calculating the losses on a radio-photovoltaic thermo-nuclide generator (RTG), also known as a nuclear battery.

My classmate, fellow Army ROTC cadet and fellowship recipient rising junior William Cruz, worked with nanocomputing and piezoelectric fibers to create heartbeat-sensing clothing. He and I can attest that both projects have been incredibly fulfilling, both personally and professionally.

Alongside the UROPs, Mr. Krishnan took us on a day trip in January to Washington D.C., where we were treated to a host of amazing networking opportunities at an array of organizations that seek to transition innovation out of the lab and into the front lines such as Silicon Valley Defense Group, JP Morgan, Peraton, and from In-Q-Tel, the global, not-for-profit strategic investor for the U.S. national security community and America’s allies, hosted by fellow MIT alumnus David LoBosco ’02.

Q: What lessons or takeaways did you gain from this experience? What advice might you share with other students?

Edwards: My main takeaways from all these meetings were, first, the importance of proper communication between the private sector and the government, something that has been lacking of late, and secondly, how I may be able to apply my technical background to consulting, investment, or many other fields.

Overall, I would recommend this program to future MIT ROTC cadets, and both Cadet Cruz and I are exceedingly grateful to Mr. Krishnan and the ISN for the opportunity.

Krishnan: Cadets Edwards and Cruz will now be able to share their experiences with the next class of prospective cadet researchers, thereby increasing the fellowship’s reach and impact. Future initiatives are to expand the fellowship to MIT’s Air Force and Navy ROTC programs, schedule more visits of senior military leaders to both ROTC and ISN, and connect fellowship recipients with ISN startups for career opportunities. And for my part, I’m incredibly fortunate to have met such outstanding Americans as cadets Edwards and Cruz. I’m excited to see where life takes them and hope to be a mentor along the way.

[matthenslee]

What to Remember When Your Sermon Gets No Response

If I’d titled this article, “Left at the Altar,” you’d probably think you were about to read a sob story about some poor fellow twiddling his thumbs as his bride-to-be jumps in a cab and makes a run for it.

While this isn’t that kind of post, it does involve a sob story of sorts—one that involves being lonely at the altar, when you finish up a sermon and see no response.

I’ve had the joy of serving in vocational ministry for over 18 years now. Some of those years have been filled with incalculable fruit. But other years have left me feeling ineffective and isolated in ministry.

I’m sure you’ve been there too. You preach your heart out faithfully and call for a response, but only hear crickets.

Well, I’ve got some encouragement for you. You’re not alone. Remember these two stories of faithful men who experienced long seasons of ineffectiveness by worldly standards

1. Remember Jeremiah

Before you sob too much, brothers, don’t forget the prophet Jeremiah. God told him in Jeremiah 7:2, “ Stand in the gate of the house of the Lord and there call out this word: ‘Hear the word of the Lord, all you people of Judah who enter through these gates to worship the Lord.”

Then we read in Jeremiah 7:27, “When you speak all these things to them, they will not listen to you. When you call to them, they will not answer you.”

Jeremiah is known as the weeping prophet. Why? Because although he knew what was coming, no one would listen to him for 40 years. That’s four decades of not seeing any fruit from his labor!

We’ve had Sundays at my church where I’m scrambling to find enough folks to help people fill out membership cards and to counsel those who are making decisions to follow Christ or are praying on the steps of the stage. But we’ve also had Sundays where I felt like I was preaching to a brick wall.

Jeremiah was obedient for 40 years despite no earthly success, yet to me, this prophet was extremely successful. Yes, he doubted God, but he ultimately stood firm and took an unpopular message to a people under judgment.

2. Remember Carey

Then there’s William Carey, a man many consider to be the father of modern missions. After seven years of what probably felt to him like preaching to brick walls across India, he baptized his first convert in December, 1800. Note this gospel fruit took seven years to appear!

By the time Carey passed away, he’d served as a missionary in India for over 40 years without a furlough. What did he have to show for it? In a nation with a population of millions, he had 700 converts.

One of the things I remember most about Carey is a quote from a sermon he preached in 1792: “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God!”

And Carey’s walk matched that talk. He was faithful throughout four decades of ministry that involved combatting infanticide, battling malaria, translating the Bible into the major languages of India, losing his son to a terrible disease, fighting widow-burning, and even having his wife accuse him of awful things.

His life was a roller coaster for sure, yet he remained faithful. And because of his faithfulness, history witnessed the birth of the modern missions movement that produced missionaries like Hudson Taylor, David Livingstone, and Adoniram Judson.

Keep Your Hand to the Plow

I doubt you’re reading this as a pastor who’s spent 40 years spinning your wheels without any fruit. But if you’re currently feeling lonely at the altar, I have one word for you:

Good.

Assuming you’re preaching the Word faithfully and that your loneliness stems from a burden for lost souls in need of salvation:

Good.

Keep it up. Don’t quit. Stay faithful. Keep preaching, keep plowing, and��trust the Lord with the results. Continue to evangelize throughout the week, invite folks to church, and preach your heart out week-in and week-out.

I leave you with the words of Revelation 3:10:

“Because you have kept my command to endure, I will also keep you from the hour of testing that is going to come on the whole world to test those who live on the earth.”

If you’ve been a little lonely at the altar, keep on praying, keep on preaching, and keep on pleading for a response. May the Spirit bring forth fruit in and through our faithfulness to preach the Word.

Want some encouragement? https://amzn.to/4b9rASR

[celiastjamesoscar]

Hi I just came home from school. I’m thinking like.. if school is like this just imagine college. I know it’s gonna be worse. Way worse. I don’t even know what I wanna be😭. I hate thinking about my own future sometimes though. But in your eyes. How is college?

It honestly just depends on your major. I’m a STEM major, so anything that has to do with that will be extremely hard. It’s a lot of studying and the exams are usually close together for my classes. I honestly thought about dropping out a few weeks ago just because it was too much stress, but I’m glad that I stuck it out, as things are getting a lot better! It’s definitely an adjustment, but it gets better. One of my friends is a cinema major, and his classes are extremely easy. He only has classes 3 days a week, were I have them 5 days a week, and his only ‘exam’ so far in his cinema class was to make a scary short film

Some advice that I have, is to take as many general ed classes as you can while you are in high school. See if your school has any duel credit classes that you can take and take them!! It will save you hundreds of dollars and so much stress, I wish I would have done that. Also, read the syllabus as soon as you get it. If the class sounds too hard, check with your advisor and see if you are required to take it. If not, I would drop it. This sounds so fucked up of me to say, but whenever you go to class for the first week, determine if your professors are old enough to retire, like an age range of 65 and up. If they are older than 65, take the class the fellowing semester to see if they either retire or die. I know it sounds awful, but there’s a good chance either of those options with happen 😭

[californiaprelawland]

The Path to Passing the Most Significant Gun Control Legislation in Decades - S2938

By Agosto Aliaga, Claremont McKenna College Class of 2024      

July 24, 2023

On June 25th, 2022, Joe Biden signed S2938, the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, into law. S2938 enacted various changes to federal firearm laws, including efforts to expand background checks, broaden existing restrictions, and establish new criminal offenses. Additionally, the bill promoted access to and supported mental health services, enhanced school safety and security initiatives, and addressed gun violence in communities. [1]

Exactly a month prior, just days before school got out for summer, an 18 year old gunman entered Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, and murdered 19 students and two teachers.[2] Savlador Ramos legally purchased an AR-15 on his 18th birthday, despite alluding to plans for a mass shooting on social media in the months preceding.[3] The tragic shooting shook the nation and holds the mark as the deadliest shooting of the decade.[4] On top of outrage surrounding law enforcement's inadequate response to the shooter, the usual prevailing concerns regarding gun control resurfaced. With both midterm elections around the corner and the pressing threat of potential future shootings, representatives in Congress faced immediate and dire responsibility.

The Uvalde tragedy sparked a wave across the nation and social media calling for stricter gun control. The Bipartisan Safe Communities Act featured a rare case in which lobbying efforts were largely facilitated in a public space. In the aftermath of Uvalde, CEO’s and celebrities seized the role of lobbyists. Over 220 CEOs from the nation's largest firms “ sent a joint letter to the Senate … demanding ‘bold urgent action’ to address gun violence.”[5] On top of this, President Biden invited movie star Matthew McConaughey to deliver a speech to “the White House press corps in the James Brady briefing room.”[6] While at face value this may seem to be an insignificant ploy, McConaughey’s impact was quite the opposite. The actor held a uniquely advantageous position as a native Texan, influencing the state with the highest number of registered gun owners.[7] Unlike fellow actors, McConaughey presented a trusted voice to Texan gun owners, not as a member of the Hollywood elite, but as one of them. His twenty minute speech sent headlines across social media and further popularized the issue. He even managed to meet with Democratic Whip Dick Durbin to further motivate the passing of gun control legislation. Another key contributor to lobbying efforts came from the police.[8] Intuitively, police pushed for further gun control in order to keep guns out of the hands of potential criminals which in turn makes their jobs safer. Republicans, historically the party of law and order and the party representing law enforcement, felt an extra push from a key demographic of their supporters to enact gun control legislation.[9]

Democrats historically suffered from supporting gun control policy. Many credit the loss of their majority in the House in the 1994 midterm elections to their assault weapons ban, yet the increasing frequency of shootings have caused Democrats to reverse course on this.[10] Unlike decades prior, opposition to Democratic gun control efforts does not stem from their own party or voters nationwide, but from Republicans, especially those from deep red states.[11] Republicans are largely unwilling to touch gun control legislation. In the 117th Congress, a perfectly split Senate meant that at least 10 Republican votes were required to end the filibuster for any bill. After the Uvalde shooting, Senator Kevin Cramer explained that if he supported any significant gun control legislation, that most of his constituents “would throw [him] out of office.” In the Senate the less populous, but far more conservative, states wield a proportionally more significant impact on the outcome of bills when compared to the House. Of the 50 Republican Senators in the 117th Congress, “most” of them represented “deeply conservative states where gun ownership is treated as a sacred privilege enshrined in the Constitution, a privilege not to be infringed upon no matter how much blood is spilled in classrooms and school hallways around the country.”[12]

After Uvalde, the Democratic majority in the House managed to pass the “Protecting our Kids Act” which raised the legal age to buy semi automatic weapons to 21, and also installed measures to ban high capacity magazines.[13] The bill ran concurrently in the headlines with the S2938, but took far too aggressive of a stance. As Senator Cramer previously alluded to, Senate Republicans quickly shot down the bill. The Senate received HR7910 but never casted a vote.[14]

As seen with HR7910, any legislation touching gun control provided a near guaranteed rejection from Senators who represented constituents from the “deeply conservative states.”[15] The stinginess of Republican Senators forced Senator Durbin, the Democratic Whip in the Senate, to persuade a small number of Republican Senators to vote with the Democrats in order to surpass the 60 votes needed to end a filibuster. Durban honed in on Republican Senators from the typical swing states such as Susan Collins (R-ME), Tom Thillis and Richard Burr (R-NC), Pat Toomey (R-PA), and several others.[16] Despite arduous obstacles in the way of passing gun control legislation, the urgency behind the issue of guns allowed for a path forward.

S2938 enacted changes far short of its counterpart the Protecting Our Kids Act (HR7910), but still consisted of meaningful gun control legislation. In order to win over Republican votes, the bill dropped the 21 year old age restriction as well as the banning of high capacity magazines.[17]

The two key factors separating this push for gun control legislation compared to previous efforts were harmonic conversion and the decline of the NRA. First, the reason why Uvalde in particular led to gun control legislation compared to previous tragedies such as Parkland was due to the political makeup of the federal government. A Democrat in the White House, and a Democrat controlled House, meant that a path to passing legislation existed. Furthermore, the NRA halted previous gun control efforts because of the stark power they possessed within the Republican party. The organization which once carried unchecked sway over Republican lawmakers due to their large membership base and campaign contributions began to diminish despite predictions of mass growth.[18] The decline of the NRA further paved a path for Republican Senators to break free from their party’s historical voting record against gun control.

Due to extensive public pressure, the Senate managed to surpass the filibuster, and send the bill to Democratic held House. Ultimately, 15 Republicans were able to agree on creating safer communities by increasing access to and upscaling mental health treatment and expanding background checks. According to Senators’ past voting patterns, the most “statistically notable votes” came from Senators Joni Ernst (R-IA), Thom Tillis (R-NC), John Cornyn (R-TX), and Mitt Romney (R-UT).[19] The very next day, the House voted on the bill. The vote ran largely among party lines, all 220 Democrats voted for the bill, and of the 210 Republicans, only 14 voted for S2938.[20] A day later, on June 25, 2022, President Biden signed the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act into law.

______________________________________________________________

[1]. “S.2938 - 117th Congress (2021-2022): Bipartisan Safer Communities Act.” Accessed March 2, 2023. https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/senate-bill/2938.

[2] Astudillo, Carla, Eric Neugeboren, and Reese Oxner. “What We Know, Minute by Minute, about How the Uvalde Shooting and Police Response Unfolded.” The Texas Tribune. The Texas Tribune, May 28, 2022. https://www.texastribune.org/2022/05/27/uvalde-texas-school-shooting-timeline/.

[3] Trevizo, Perla. “A Year before Uvalde Shooting, Gunman Had Threatened Women, Carried around a Dead Cat and Been Nicknamed ‘School Shooter.’” The Texas Tribune. The Texas Tribune, July 17, 2022. https://www.texastribune.org/2022/07/17/uvalde-shooter-warnings-background/.

[4] Published by Statista Research Department, and Jan 23. “Worst Mass Shootings in the U.S. 2023.” Statista, January 23, 2023. https://www.statista.com/statistics/476101/worst-mass-shootings-in-the-us/.

[5] Romans, Christine. “220 CEOS Demand Immediate Action from the Senate to Reduce Gun Violence | CNN Business.” CNN. Cable News Network, June 9, 2022. https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/09/business/gun-control-ceos-companies/index.html.

[6] “Matthew McConaughey Passionately Pleads for Gun Control at White House.” The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, June 8, 2022. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jun/07/matthew-mcconaughey-gun-control-uvalde-white-house.

[7] Gun ownership by State 2023. Accessed February 28, 2023. https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/gun-ownership-by-state.

[8] Wild, Whitney. “Calls Grow from Police Organizations for Gun Control Measures | CNN Politics.” CNN. Cable News Network, June 16, 2022. https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/16/politics/police-organizations-gun-control/index.html.

[9] Person, and Julia Harte. “Police Back Republican Candidates in U.S. Midterms, Even Those at Jan. 6 Riot.” Reuters. Thomson Reuters, November 3, 2022. https://www.reuters.com/world/us/police-back-republican-candidates-us-midterms-even-those-jan-6-riot-2022-11-03/.

[10] Hulse, Carl. “Why Republicans Won't Budge on Guns.” The New York Times. The New York Times, May 26, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/26/us/republicans-gun-control.html.

[11] Kurtzleben, Danielle. “Chart: How Have Your Members of Congress Voted on Gun Bills?” NPR. NPR, February 19, 2018. https://www.npr.org/2018/02/19/566731477/chart-how-have-your-members-of-congress-voted-on-gun-bills.

[12] Hulse, Carl

[13] Murphy, Matt. “Uvalde Attack: US House Passes Gun Bill Doomed to Fail in Senate.” BBC News. BBC, June 9, 2022. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61742732.

[14]. “Protecting Our Kids Act (2022 - H.R. 7910).” GovTrack.us. Accessed February 28, 2023. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/117/hr7910.

[15] Hulse, Carl

[16] “S. 2938: Bipartisan Safer Communities Act -- Senate Vote #242 -- Jun 23, 2022.” GovTrack.us. Accessed February 28, 2023. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/117-2022/s242.

[17] “S. 2938 (117th): Bipartisan Safer Communities Act.” GovTrack.us, June 23, 2022. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/117/s2938/text/eas.

[18] Picchi, Aimee, and Kate Gibson. “NRA, Long Viewed as Invincible, Faces Shrinking Membership and Revenue.” CBS News. CBS Interactive, May 27, 2022. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nra-national-rifle-association-membership-revenue-2022/.

[19] “S. 2938: Bipartisan Safer Communities Act -- Senate Vote #242 -- Jun 23, 2022.” GovTrack.us. Accessed February 28, 2023. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/117-2022/s242.

[20] “S. 2938: Bipartisan Safer Communities Act -- House Vote #299 -- Jun 24, 2022.” GovTrack.us. Accessed March 2, 2023. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/117-2022/h299.

[newstfionline]

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Shooting of Teen Who Rang Doorbell at Wrong House Unsettles Kansas City (NYT) On Tuesday morning, hundreds of Staley High School students filled the street outside their school in a display of anger and support for their fellow student, Ralph Yarl, who was shot by a homeowner after he rang a doorbell at the wrong house in Kansas City last week. Many residents of Kansas City remained deeply troubled by the events that had shaken their city for the last several days. In a country on edge over crime, the shooting was the latest example of an ordinary interaction—the ringing of a doorbell on a front step in a quiet neighborhood in Missouri—instantly turning into another shocking incident of American gun violence. “I am, I think, sufficiently frightened over how easily we are willing to shoot each other,” said Representative Emanuel Cleaver, a Democrat who previously served as the first Black mayor of Kansas City. Paul Yarl, Ralph’s father, said this week that his son, an athlete who loves music and video games, had surgery over the weekend to remove the bullets and was able to walk out of the hospital on Sunday. He is expected to make a full recovery.

US must stem ‘iron river’ of guns flowing to Latin America, activists say (Reuters) U.S. guns, many of them exported legally, are flowing into Latin America in an “iron river” ending in the hands of drug cartels and abusive security forces, activists said Monday, calling for greater oversight from U.S. law and federal agencies. More than half of “crime guns” recovered and traced in Central America are sourced from the United States, according to U.S. gun control agency ATF. This level nears 70% for Mexico and is around 80% across the Caribbean. “It’s called the iron river and it’s flooding countries to the south,” Elizabeth Burke of U.S. non-profit Global Action on Gun Violence said at an event organized by the Center for American Progress in Washington.

Mexico and the World’s Most Notorious Spy Tool (NYT) In 2011, the Israelis came to Mexico to clinch a major sale: The Mexican military was about to become the first client ever to buy their product, the world’s most advanced spyware. The spyware, known as Pegasus, has since become a global byword for the chilling reach of state surveillance, a tool used by governments from Europe to the Middle East to hack into thousands of cellphones. A New York Times investigation based on interviews, documents and forensic tests of hacked phones reveals that the country grew into the most prolific user of the world’s most infamous spyware. Mexico went on to wield the surveillance tool against civilians who stand up to the state—abuses the country insists it has stopped. But The Times found that Mexico has continued to use Pegasus to spy on people who defend human rights, even in recent months. Many tools can infiltrate your digital life, but Pegasus is exceptionally potent. It can infect your phone without any sign of intrusion and extract everything on it—every email, text message, photo, calendar appointment—while monitoring everything you do with it, in real time. It can record every keystroke, even when you’re using encrypted applications, and watch through your phone’s camera or listen through its microphone, even if your phone appears to be turned off.

Strike to bring German rail travel to standstill on Friday (AP) Commuters in Germany face widespread disruption on Friday after the EVG rail and transport union announced a nationwide strike during the busy morning hours, affecting national operator Deutsche Bahn. The strike, which coincides with a separate walkout at three airports, involves 50 rail companies and will run from 3 a.m. (0100 GMT) until 11 a.m. (0900 GMT), EVG said. “Not a single train will run (in the country),” EVG representative Cosima Ingenschay said.

Russia’s New Conscription Law Brings the Digital Gulag Closer (Moscow Times) New legislation on drafting Russian nationals into military service rushed through the Russian parliament last week dramatically changes the relationship between the state and the people. Under the new law passed at breakneck speed by both chambers of parliament, the authorities can issue call-up papers online and will set up a digital database of all Russians eligible for military service (most Russian men aged eighteen to thirty are expected to perform obligatory national service). Previously, people had to be served their draft papers in person, making it relatively easy to dodge the draft. Now draft notices can also be issued via the state services website Gosuslugi, used by millions of Russians for a plethora of day-to-day administrative tasks such as paying fines and applying for passports. Regardless of whether a person has a Gosuslugi account, or even uses the internet, they will still be penalized for failing to report to the recruitment office once a digital draft notice is issued. Those penalties include a ban on leaving the country, as well as on driving, buying and selling real estate, taking out loans, and registering a small business. The planned digital registry will gather information about potential draftees from every possible source, from medical and electoral records to courts and tax returns.

Proxy war? (Washington Post) Three days before the Feb. 24 anniversary of his Ukraine invasion, Vladimir Putin outlined what he had learned during a year of war. With its ever-increasing supply of sophisticated weapons, Putin said, the West was now using Ukraine as a “testing range” for its plans to destroy Russia. Its goal was “to spark a war in Europe, and to eliminate competitors by using a proxy force,” he said in a presidential address. “They plan to finish us once and for all.” His depiction of a Western-provoked war threatening Russia’s very existence has resonated, particularly in the Global South, where some countries see the United States engaged in what they consider serial interventions around the world, and have declined to take sides. Whether Ukraine has become a “proxy” war between great powers has itself become an intellectual and political battlefield. Scores of images recently leaked online, many with classified U.S. military and intelligence assessments, illustrate how deeply the United States is involved in virtually every aspect of the war, with the exception of U.S. boots on the ground. Maps illustrate troop locations, battle plans and likely outcomes on the battlefield down to the smallest towns, along with the location and strength of Russian defenses. There are lists of weapons systems in use by both sides, casualty estimates, summaries of intercepted conversations and assessments of everything from special forces capabilities to expended ammunition. The leaked documents confirm in detail that the United States is using its vast array of espionage and surveillance tools to keep Kyiv ahead of Moscow’s war plans and help them inflict Russian casualties.

1 city, 2 people—and India’s widening religious divide (AP) Syed Mohammad Munir Abidi says India is a changed country, one he doesn’t recognize anymore. It’s a country, the 68-year-old says, where Muslims are ignored, where rising attacks against them are encouraged, and where an emboldened Hindu majoritarian government is seizing its chance to put the minority community in its place. Swami Ram Das thinks otherwise, echoing a belief system central to Hindu nationalism. The 48-year-old Hindu priest says India is on a quest to redeem its religious past and that the country is fundamentally a Hindu nation where minorities, especially Muslims, must subscribe to Hindu primacy. Abidi and Das are two ordinary citizens living in one city in a country of more than 1.4 billion people that is on the cusp of becoming the world’s most populated nation. Together they embody the opposing sides of a deeply entrenched religious divide that presents India with one of its biggest challenges: to safeguard freedoms for its Muslim minority at a time when a rising tide of Hindu nationalism is eroding the country’s secular underpinnings.

G-7 stresses unity on China following unease over Macron’s comments (Washington Post) The top diplomats from the Group of Seven major industrial democracies stressed the need to unite against China’s economic, military and cyber assertiveness, in a display of solidarity Tuesday after differences emerged recently over the fate of Taiwan. “We recognize the importance of engaging candidly with and expressing our concerns directly to China,” said the communique from the G-7 meeting, representing the views of the United States, Italy, France, Germany, Britain, Canada, Japan and the European Union. “We reiterate our call for China to act as a responsible member of the international community.” The calls for unity followed French President Emmanuel Macron’s recent visit to Beijing, after which he suggested that Europe needed to avoid getting dragged into a confrontation between China and the United States over Taiwan. Macron’s remarks to reporters after his meeting with Chinese leader Xi Jinping prompted transatlantic disquiet. “The question Europeans need to answer … is it in our interest to accelerate [a crisis] on Taiwan? No,” he told reporters. “The worse thing would be to think that we Europeans must become followers on this topic and take our cue from the U.S. agenda and a Chinese overreaction.” U.S. lawmakers, especially Republicans, reacted furiously.

China readies supersonic spy drone unit, leaked document says (Washington Post) The Chinese military could soon deploy a high-altitude spy drone that travels at least three times the speed of sound, according to a leaked U.S. military assessment, a development that would dramatically strengthen China’s ability to conduct surveillance operations. A secret document from the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, which has not previously been reported, shows the Chinese military is making technological advances that could help it target American warships around Taiwan and military bases in the region. The document features satellite imagery dated Aug. 9 that shows two WZ-8 rocket-propelled reconnaissance drones at an air base in eastern China, about 350 miles inland from Shanghai. The drones are a cutting-edge surveillance system that could help China gather real-time mapping data to inform strategy or carry out missile strikes in a future conflict.

Akiya (NYT) According to government data, as of 2018 there were 8.5 million abandoned vacant homes in Japan, which has experienced both a population decline as well as depopulation in many rural areas. That’s something like 14 percent of the entire country’s housing stock. The Nomura Research Institute estimates the number is even higher, at 11 million such vacant homes—called akiya—and forecasts that by 2033 they could account for 30 percent of all houses in Japan. Municipalities and companies are trying to get them in the hands of younger buyers with cash to upgrade and renovate them.

In grim drought, Tunisians ration water in state-ordered ban (AP) It’s a feeble drip, drip, drip from the taps every night in Tunisia for six months. Spigots are cut off for seven hours from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. in a state-ordered water rationing in most regions across the country, including Tunis, the capital city. Tunisians are on the front lines of a battle against an increasingly severe drought, now in its fifth year in the north African country, with the government issuing a sudden order to its population to ration their water usage from April to September—or risk fines or jail. Households now need a supply of bottled water to wash, use toilets and prepare meals during late night hours. Authorities have also forbidden the use of potable water for irrigation of farmlands, watering green areas in cities and for cleaning streets and cars. Water levels at almost all of Tunisia’s 30-plus dams have fallen drastically, some as low as 17% of their storage capacity.

Trapped by fighting, Sudanese look for ways to survive (AP) For the last three days, Howeida al-Hassan and her family have been hunkered down in the first floor of her home in the Sudanese capital, sleeping on the floor as sounds of airstrikes and gunfire surround them. This is the life of millions of Sudanese trapped in their homes since violence suddenly erupted over the weekend between forces loyal to the country’s top two generals. Civilian life has come to a standstill as tens of thousands of heavily armed fighters from the military and its rival, the Rapid Support Forces, battle it out in densely populated residential areas. For many, food supplies are already dwindling as going out to restock has become too dangerous. So sharing among neighbors has become essential. On social media, posts are appearing giving information on pharmacies and grocery stores that are still open and able to deliver essential goods to those trapped. Others post phone numbers or addresses for their homes, offering to take in anyone caught outside and scrambling for shelter when shooting comes close. Residents have been desperate for at least a temporary cease-fire so they can stock up on supplies or move to safer areas.

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Cover Story

THE O.G.

Ice-T was there at the beginning and helped shape what rap and hip-hop became. And you know what, he’s still there

Written By Kyle Eustice 

| February 15, 2023 - 1:18 pm | Updated 3 days ago 

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Home » Features » Cover Story » THE O.G.

Tracy Marrow was born in Newark, New Jersey, no one’s idea of Easy Street, and especially not in 1958. Newark hit its nadir in July 1967, when Tracy was nine (although by then his family had moved to another part of New Jersey) and the entire city was convulsed with race riots, stemming from systemic police brutality and harassment towards the Black community. Police brutality, as backdrop and theme, has perforated Tracy Marrow’s life. Or Ice-T, as he’s better known.

When he was in third grade, his mother Alice died from a heart attack, and he was raised by his father Solomon, who four years later also died of a heart attack. Thirteen-year-old orphan Tracy was sent to live first with an aunt nearby, then, propitiously, with an aunt in California, in View Park-Windsor Hills, a predominantly Black, upper-middle class neighborhood in South Central Los Angeles.

By eighth grade, he had moved to Crenshaw, where he attended Palms Junior High, a predominantly white school. From there he went to Crenshaw High School, where he got his first exposure to gangs. Crips and Bloods stalked the halls, forming a gauntlet repeated across South Central. Although never inducted, the future gangsta rapper was “affiliated” with the Crips. And he did petty crime to make extra cash on top of the social security benefits he started receiving at 17 from his father’s death.

Crenshaw High was where Tracy had his first experience performing music, joining a group called, quaintly, The Precious Few of Crenshaw High School. At 18, he became a father.

Photo Credit: Christian Witkin

After high school Tracy went into the Army, joining the 25th Infantry, where he discovered hip-hop when he heard one of his fellow soldiers blasting “Rapper’s Delight” by The Sugarhill Gang. Something clicked — maybe, he thought, he could go back to Los Angeles and start throwing rap parties in the same vein as local electro pioneers Uncle Jamm’s Army, who were famously minting money at the time.

It worked out better than that, as you know. He was the foremost pioneer of the West Coast gangsta rap sound. But he had more to say than just gangsta, and, like Public Enemy later on the East Coast, waxed politically, releasing the rebellious anthem, “Killers” in 1984.

“A man took an ad on T.V. / To enroll in the police academy,” he raps on the song. “He’s very talented, outstanding proof / From his clean-cut appearance to the shine on his boots / When it comes to graduation, he's number one / An expert with a rifle and also a gun / Three weeks on the beat and his weak nerves crack / And fires four warning shots into a kid's back.”

THERE’S NOT NOBODY IN L.A. THAT’S GONNA SAY ICE-T WASN'T FIRST.

ICE-T

You could call it prophetic.

His professional moniker came from a nickname his friends gave him when he got home from the army. He would entertain them by accurately reciting memorized passages of novels written by Iceberg Slim (itself a professional moniker, for a pimp-turned-writer called Robert Beck). His friends, who called Tracy “T,” would say “Kick some more of that Ice, T.”

In 1986, when rap was young, and still outside the mainstream, Ice-T released “6 ’N The Mornin’,” riddled with real accounts of criminal life. It was a big hit. A year later, he had a major label deal with Sire Records and a hot debut album, Rhyme Pays. It sold 500,000 copies, a huge amount for a rap record at the time.

His next album, Power, came out in 1988 and furthered his trajectory, but it was 1991’s O.G. Original Gangster, his fourth album, that defined the era and made Ice-T the undisputed godfather of gangsta rap. With songs such as “Escape from the Killing Fields,” a powerful rewrite of Public Enemy’s “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos,” and the Grammy-nominated “New Jack Hustler (Nino’s Theme),” featured in New Jack City, the 24-song LP painted a vivid picture of the carnage and devastation that comes from a life of crime.

Photo Credit: Jose Perez/Bauer-Griffin

Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Paul Natkin

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Metal Hammer Magazine

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Jose Perez/Bauer-Griffin

Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Paul Natkin

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Metal Hammer Magazine

Photo Credit: Raymond Boyd

Photo Credit: Jose Perez/Bauer-Griffin

Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin

RIGHT WHEN I WAS GETTING READY TO GET INTO HIP-HOP, I WAS STILL IN THE STREETS. I WAS MAKING MONEY HUSTLING.

Part of what made Original Gangster so intriguing was its musical diversity. The way he rhymed on “Mind Over Matter” differed greatly from his cadence on “Mic Contract,” and what he did on “Body Count” — which he later adopted for the name of his rap-metal group — was the polar opposite of what he did on the spellbinding, chilling, spoken word track “Ya Shoulda Killed Me Last Year.”

Less than a year later, Body Count, the band, would substantially ruffle the feathers of police everywhere, the National Rifle Association, Time Warner Board member and NRA shill Charlton Heston, and CLEAT (Combined Law Enforcement Associations of Texas) with the release of the controversial, vastly misinterpreted “Cop Killer.” A song built on (understandable) rage, “Cop Killer” sparked boycotts across the country and precipitated Warner Music, buckling under the pressure, dropping Ice-T (and, trivia note, parent company Time Warner jettisoning Vibe magazine, because, you know, all those rappers look the same…).

For the last 24 years (while still releasing music), Ice-T has played Detective Odafin Tutuola on TV’s longest-running police drama, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. He got his first acting role in Breakin’ in 1984, when hip-hop was an exotic animal to most of America, and Ice was just in the right place at the right time. He had a more meaningful role in John Singleton’s classic New Jack City, as Detective Scotty Appleton.

In 2018, Body Count won a Grammy Award in the Best Metal Performance category, for “Black Hoodie.” And on Feb. 5th this year, he performed at the Grammys with other rap immortals, in a slightly early celebration of hip-hop’s 50th anniversary. On Feb. 17th., a day after his 65th birthday, when he can officially start receiving his own social security benefits, he’ll get his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I interviewed him for this cover story at the toney and very discreet L’Ermitage Hotel in Beverly Hills, the day after his Grammy’s appearance.

Photo Credit: Christian Witkin

Photo Credit: Christian Witkin

SEE, THEY THINK RAPPERS AND BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T CAPABLE OF MAKING ART. YOU HAVE TO BE THAT ANGRY BLACK MAN. I'M NOT TRYING TO KILL NO POLICE.

When did you realize you had a talent for rapping?

I used to write raps for the gangs in high school. I would write little slogans and raps for them before I even knew what hip-hop was. Saying rhymes has always been a part of Black culture. Hustlers would call it toasting.

Saying rhymes was something I knew how to do in high school, so when I went into the military after I got out of school, that's where I got turned on to hip-hop, because I was in there with cats from New York, and they had tapes and they were playing this new music and I was like, “What is this, you?” The first generation of hip-hop is unrecorded or tape-recorded hip-hop, before anyone ever made a record.

We're talking the DJ Hollywood era.

Right. But there was tapes going around of hip-hop and parties, so I got a taste of it very, very early. And then “King Tim III” by The Fatback Band came out, and they were rapping. Teena Marie had a little rap on a record, and then Sugarhill Gang came out. When that came out, I felt like I could do it, because I already had been writing rhymes. But my intention was to come out of the Army and throw parties. I had gotten a lot of stereo equipment in the military. I bought a bunch of equipment, and that was my plan — to come back and actually be like Uncle Jamm’s Army. There was a big underage a scene in L.A., like people who are 18 that aren't 21 who still want to party. So that's where those dances came in. That's what the scene was in L.A, and there was tons of money being made. Uncle Jamm’s was able to fill the L.A. Sports Arena several times. Like what a rave is now, yeah, they were doing it.

Egyptian Lover was one of the DJs, Bob Cat was a DJ, and I was the one of the only people they would let rap. I just started to get more attention from rapping than carrying all that equipment around. I hooked up with Evil and Henry, they were called the New York City Spin Masters, and they were some of the earliest DJs on the West Coast that could scratch, because they were really from Brooklyn. I saw them at a show, and I introduced myself and I said, “Man, you know, I want to go with you to your parties.” And they would hit three or four different house parties or situations at night. On the flyers, there would be four or five DJ crews. So they would go from one to the other. They wouldn't just stay at one. And I started traveling with them, and I would jump on and MC.

That’s how I started rapping around L.A.

Your first single, “The Coldest Rap/Cold Wind-Madness,” in 1983, preceded the World Class Wreckin' Cru with Dr. Dre and Egyptian Lover’s first album, On The Nile. Tell us about that time.

Photo Credit: Christian Witkin

ONLY THING THAT’S CHANGED IS CAMERA PHONES. RIGHT NOW YOU'RE SEEING IT—THAT’S IT. THE SAME BULLSHIT’S GOING ON. I THINK COPS ARE SLIGHTLY A LITTLE BIT MORE ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY’RE BEING WATCHED.

There’s not nobody in L.A. that’s gonna say Ice-T wasn't first. There was other people out there at the time. There were groups like Disco Daddy and Captain Rap, but there wasn’t more serious music where people were like, “OK, this is cool.” My first record was done…I was at a beauty parlor called Good Fred’s — this is when I had the perm — and I would say rhymes to the girls, just rapping. A guy named Willie Strong walked in, and he owned VIP Records, the famous record store Snoop Dogg stood on in the “Doggystyle” video. It’s one of the most famous record stores in L.A. They had what they called Saturn Records. I don’t think any other record ever came out on Saturn Records. I think they created that label just for me. They said, “You want to make a record?” And I was like, “Sure.”

It was kind of like Run’s lyric: “So Larry put me inside his Cadillac / The chauffeur drove off, and we never came back.”

I went to this recording studio, and they had this music by Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, and there was some people singing on the track. They pulled the vocals down and said, “rap.” And I basically made “The Coldest Rap” with all the raps I had in my head, like my walking-around raps and stuff I was saying to the girls.

I made a hook on the spot: “I’m a player, that’s all I know / On a summer day, I play in the snow,” which is a cocaine reference. “From the womb to the tomb, I run my game / I'm cold as ice, and I show no shame.” I made that up on the spot. “The ladies say I was heaven sent ‘cause I got more money than the U.S. Mint” — stuff I was already saying. That was “The Coldest Rap.” It was done in one take, and they said, “Cool.” I think I made maybe two, three hundred dollars on that record.

Well, you were getting paid for music. That had to be pretty cool.

At that time, there were no real rap scene, and it just put me in the game out here. That record led to me going to the Radio Club. There’s a guy that ran the Radio Club called Alex Jordan, or A.J., and another white cat called KK, basically by way of New York. They said, “Ice-T is the only person who got a rap record. Will he come and perform at this club?” I get a call and I'm like, “Yeah,” and I went there. That was a big moment because I walked into that club and everyone in that club knew my record.

Photo Credit: Christian Witkin

GANGSTA RAP IS THE PERSON SAYING, “I'M DONE ASKING FOR YOUR HELP. FUCK YOU. I'M GONNA TAKE IT. I'M GONNA DO IT MYSELF.”

See, what happens is, if they play your music in a particular place like a restaurant or a club every night, you become a star in that room. No one else knows it, but at that particular place, you're hot. And that was a moment where I went in there, I did my song, and everyone knew every word to that record. That was my first real taste of what fame was. I was like, “Oh, shit!”

Now, no one else on Earth knew two words to that record, but in that club, I was hot. That club was a cross of the upscale white kids that were just touching the hot hip-hop.

People were there like Malcolm McLaren. Madonna came in. I actually put Madonna on the stage. I had become the stage manager because I came there so much. They said, “Hey, you can run the rappers? Take them downstairs, audition them?” So Madonna came in, and they were like, “This is some new chick.” She had a single called “Physical Attraction.” There's a picture of me standing on stage with Madonna way back when she was a kid. She did well that night.

That’s where I started, and that led to being in the movie Breakin’. They had heard about this hip-hop scene that was popping in MacArthur Park at the Radio Club. They came in there and said, “We’re gonna use you guys as the dancers” — that’s where Shrimp and Shabba Doo and all them got picked up — “and you could be the rapper.” Then they gave us a chance to make a song, and we made “Reckless” [featuring Chris “The Glove” Taylor]. Eminem said that's the first rap record he ever heard.

“Killers” came out right after “Reckless.”

And what happened to “Reckless Rivalry” that was in Breakin’ 2? It remains unreleased as I understand.

Yeah, that was just a movie song. That was a song called “Go Off.” But The Glove and Afrika Islam scratching on it. Yeah, we need to hunt that record down! There was another record I did called “Combat” they still use in breaking competitions.

“Killers” is often considered your first political rap. What made you change course? 

“Killers” was my version of Run-DMC, because I rap back and forth to myself like it was two rappers. So I rap one way, then the second verse sounded like how Run and them would rap. I think it was just coming off songs like “It's Like That” and “Hard Times��� that had a little political undertone and things of that nature. I think that inspired me to do those songs.

I didn't start rapping until I was 27. It wasn’t like I started late, I was just that old when hip-hop started.

Was the Army where you realized you didn’t want to be entangled in street life anymore?

The Army wasn’t what made me want to get out of gang life. I was aware of gang life when I was in high school. At that point, I realized if you become part of a set, you immediately turn yourself into the enemy of the rest of the city. You're not in a gang, you’re from a gang. I wasn’t living in any of the neighborhoods that really had gangs. I was living in a View Park, which is like an upper middle class Black area above Crenshaw, on the west side. So I would go to Crenshaw, and that's where the gangs was, but I'm not from any of their neighborhoods. Now, Crenshaw is mostly connected to Rollin’ 60s. When I went there, they had Eight Tray Gangsters, Hoover Crips, Harlem Crips, which is the 30s, and they had some Bloods there.

I was just like, I can be affiliated with these gangs, but there's no way I should jump into no set because I'm not from they neighborhoods. I was aware of gang banging and understood the principles of it. Near the end of high school, I started hanging out with the hustlers and cats that were more about getting money, right? That's a whole other click of cats.

But when I came out in the Army, I was brought back into the crime world because my boys who were like small-time criminals when I left had now elevated to jewelry heists, and they had elevated to all kinds of other types of crimes. So I just fell back in with them. I'm doing that and on the weekends, I'm doing the rap shit.

At some point, you got into a car accident. You were admitted as a John Doe, right? Due to criminal activity you didn’t carry an ID.

Right when I was getting ready to get into hip-hop, I was still in the streets. I was making money hustling. I went to a club called Carolina West. It went from 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. Everybody knows when you come out of those clubs, your eyes aren’t working. Well, here I go, and I decided to drive home. I would close my eyes at the corner or at a stoplight, which is a bad idea. You can't close your eyes when you're in a car. I fell asleep and rolled right into an intersection. I was in a Porsche, got hit, and I was ejected into the passenger seat. Thank God I didn't have on a seatbelt because the accident broke the steering wheel off of the car, but I went into the passenger seat, so that put me in the hospital for 10 weeks. I had a broken pelvis, a broken femur, a broken foot — the whole left side of my body was smashed.

And they John Doe’d me ‘cause I didn't have an ID. When you in the streets hustling, you don't carry ID because you want to cap aliases so you can keep it moving. I didn't have that, and they didn't know who I was. I went to the county hospital and was in a bad position. Then one of my friend’s mothers was like, “Where’s Tracy? Where he at? We ain't seen him.” And she found me in the hospital some kind of way, and said, “Well, he's a vet.” She got me moved to a Veterans Hospital in Westwood, where it was much better, and I was able to heal.

How did that affect you mentally and emotionally? The D.O.C. fell asleep at the wheel, lost his voice, and his rapping career was over.

It just changed my life as far as what I was doing hustling ‘cause a lot of the stuff we were doing was basically parkour. We would take the jewels, and you’d have to catch us. It was very athletic and stuff, jumping over cats. So now I can't move, I can't run. It made me slow down a lot and forced me to focus on music. But no one had never made any money in music yet. Run and them hadn't even really bought cars yet. I’m coming from a zone where it's like, “Why you want to rap, man? You better get this money. Like, who the fuck wants to rap?" Like Grandmaster Flash said the other night [at the Grammys], this was just something that was entertainment for us. It was a pastime. It was not something you do to get paid. No one ever was gonna be a celebrity doing this shit.

How did losing both of your parents so young affect your ambition?

I think what happens when you lose your parents young, you just realize there's nobody to fall back on. There's no one who's supposed to take care of you. I think when I lost my moms in the third grade, I didn't get really cry or nothing. I didn't get it.

I'm from the age when you're a kid and somebody passes, they just take you off to the side, you end up with an aunt some place. You don't go to the funeral, you don't see nothing. You’re just isolated. And then I was with my pops for a while, and then in seventh grade when he passed, I was more like, “What’s going to happen to me?” They shipped me out to L.A. to live with his sister. And she was kind of like, “I'm taking care of you because I got to.” I knew early in life I was on my own. I don't have no brothers and sisters. I just realized there was no where to fall back to.

If I was fucked up, I was truly homeless. I was truly out there. And I got a lot of pride, so I would never would celebrate Christmas or any family holidays because I didn’t want to be in anyone else’s house over their holidays. That wasn’t my place to be in your Thanksgiving bullshit. So I ate a lot of Thanksgiving dinners at Denny’s and hamburger spots.

That kind of makes me sad, Ice.

It’s nothing to be sad about. It’s like, you can look at a poor person and be sad for him, but then to them it's their reality, so I don't feel any special way. And honestly, I went through what a lot of people my age still haven’t. They've still have their their parents. They’re still about to go through it. I got past that hump early.

Do you still think about your parents?

No. I was too young. What am I going to think about? My mother died when I was in third grade. I can't remember that much about her. I remember the night she died. I remember that. And then my father, I remember him disciplining me, but no, I don't think about them.

“6 ’N The Mornin’” was inspired by the Schoolly D single, “P.S.K. What Does It Mean?” It was made with a Roland TR-808. Tell us about making that song?

It was just me on the beat. My buddy Randy and I were messing with the 808. I had been inspired by Schoolly D, of course, because he changed the format when he sang about a gang. And I was like, “Oh, shit!” I didn't know that was OK. But when he did that, I said, “OK.” Like I said, I used to make these gangster raps, and so my boy was like, "Say that shit you be saying when it’s just us fucking around.”

There was a record by Beastie Boys called “Hold It Now, Hit It.” And it had this weird break in the song where it was like, “Hey, Leroy!” And then it came back on. So “6 ’N The Mornin,'” I wanted a break that had nothing to do with the record. That was what kind of influenced the way the beat was created, to where it would stop and then start. You know, “Word.” That was from the Beastie Boys.

I read that Licensed To Ill is one of your favorite albums.

Real talk. We’re all influenced by different things. So you say, “Man, I want to record what that does.” When we made the song, it was B-Side to a song called “Dog'n The Wax.” I made a record called “You Don't Quit” with Unknown DJ on Techno Hop Records. I was trying to get him to do one with Henry and Evil E, my DJs. And he was like, “Nah, you gotta give me another record.” So I did that. And then the B-Side was “6 ’N The Mornin’,”and like Chuck D says, the B-Side wins again.

It was a hit. We didn't look at it like a hit, but it hit.

Would you say that is what opened the floodgates to albums like Rhymes Paysand rapping about gang life, street life?

Oh, it opened up the floodgates to up my life and my ability to talk about things that I was comfortable with. You got to understand, early on, it was like, if I’mma rap, I'm feeling like I gotta rap about parties and shit. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to rap about that stuff because there's only so much content to that. But when they finally said, “Oh, OK. We can rock with this,” I’m like, “Oh, shit. They want to hear this shit?” If you listen to early records, I’m just beating around the bush with hip-hop.

And that was kind of the point you made in the LL Cool J feud — how many times can you say you're “bad” in one song?

Right, right, right. I always compare it to making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If I came over your house, you made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I ate it and I go, “Wow, this is so good, you should sell it.” You’re like, “Sell this?” You sell it and it’s a big hit. That’s how gangsta rap fell in my life ‘cause I got all these experiences, criminal shit I've been through, but I didn’t think it was available to use in music.

Then when I hit with “6 ’N The Mornin’,” I'm like, “Oh, this is gonna be easy. I’m in now.” Now, I know what they want to hear and I got a million of this shit. That was the birth of Ice-T. You know?

If you look at me in Breakin’, I'm trying to rap like rappers, like hip-hoppers. I'm trying to dress like them. One of the big moments in my life as far as how I looked was Russell Simmons. I did a party and I was in the crowd at a place called Casa Camino Real, and I was in my street clothes, you know, the way I dress. They called me on the stage, I got up there and I did my thing. Russell said, “That’s your look, man.” He said, “You ain't got to dress up like no rapper.” He said, “Just come out like that. They want to see that L.A. style. Do your shit.” And that's when I started back wearing the Fila and all the fly shit, you know?

I thought I had to dress like Melle Mel and them because I'm trying to be part of hip-hop. But Russell was like, “Nah, fuck that. Be you.”

Looking at older videos, you do look pretty cool, especially in “I’m Your Pusher.”

That's dressing like a L.A. drug dealer, but a rapper didn't dress like that.

In 1990, when you formed Body Count, Charlton Heston attacked you for making “violent” music, and caused Warner Bros Records to drop you from the label. At the exact same time, as the NRA spokesman, he was advocating for approval for a bullet nicknamed the “Cop Killer,” because it pierced police officers’ kevlar shields.

How ironic is that?

What was your reaction at the time, and how did you handle that?

We really didn't give a fuck about Charlton Heston. He was the least of our problems. I mean, we didn't give a fuck about him at all. I thought he was just trying to get publicity, you know, he's an actor. We were dealing with the real cops and the real government, people like that. That whole “Cop Killer” shit just went out of control. It started with one thing, and the next thing you know, I'm on the news with the president and I'm like, “Lord have mercy.” In the meantime, Black Flag had been making records about cops like “Police Story.” You got rock groups called Millions of Dead Cops. It was kind of like a weird moment where we were catching a lot of heat for something we didn't even think was so bad.

You suddenly became a target.

Yeah. We’re just doing rock music. We’re just talking that shit. They thought it was a call-to-action to kill police, and it couldn't have been further from that. It was a song about rage, somebody mad enough to go after the cops, a cop killer based on police brutality. But they were like, “You’re trying to tell people to go do it.”

See, they think rappers and Black people aren't capable of making art. You have to be that angry Black man. I'm not trying to kill no police. That was just a minute in time where they were just out of control and they were going after our head. It was supposed to be over for me at that point. They were trying to blackball me and blacklist me. I was never really worried about the cops as much as I was worried about running into a cop lover.

Oh, what would be the Blue Lives Matter guys today?

Anybody. You’re in a restaurant and you run into somebody who’s like, “My Dad’s a cop,” and they want to start some shit.

Did that ever happen? 

No, no, it didn’t, but it could happen. And that's what happens with any kind of beef. Say for instance me and Method Man were fighting — which, Meth is one of my best friends — but for me to say that, I could run into some Wu-Tang Clan people and they like, “Oh, you got problems with Meth?” You can end up in some shit or an altercation. Whenever you got beef out there, you don't know how it's gonna come back at you.

In 1991, there was the Rodney King beating and the L.A. Riots. In 2023, the horrific police killing of Tyre Nichols in Memphis. Has anything really changed?

Only thing that’s changed is camera phones. Right now you're seeing it — that’s it. The same bullshit’s going on. I think cops are slightly a little bit more accountable because they know they’re being watched, but they still get off. It’s too much power. Until they put one of these cops on death row and let ‘em know people aren’t having it… from being a cop all this time on TV, I’ve figured it out. They fuck over who they think they can get away with fucking over. They fuck over people they think can’t fight back. When we’re on Law & Order and they go, “Oh, they're from the Upper East Side. Tread lightly," what they're really saying is these people got money and they can sue the shit out of us.

But if you're in the projects, it can go any kind of way because they can't do nothing. “Lay him on the ground, treat him like shit.” Only if you look up and say, “My father is the District Attorney,” you're not going to lay on that ground because they know you can fight back. They take advantage of people they don't think can fight back. It's not as much racism as, “Who can I get over on?” And like I said in “No Lives Matter,” Black and brown skin has always stood for poor.

But they’re not laying people down in gay communities. They’re not doing that. At the end of the day, they know who they're fucking with, you know what I'm saying? Don’t get me wrong — you could run into some racist cops out there. There’s racist people all over the world, but it's not that simple. It's like you saw those Black cops whip on that man in Memphis. They did it because they felt they could get away with it.

Do you think it was because of their race?

They got caught out there doing some dumb shit because apparently he was messing with one their girls, but I don’t know what the fuck they were thinking about. They knew they were getting filmed — like, what the fuck? It’s abuse of power. That’s all it is. When people say, “Ice, you don’t like cops.” Nah, I don’t like bullies. I don’t like racists. I don’t give a fuck what you are or what your job is. That’s it. Period. I’m not judging you because you’re the police.

You mentioned your Body Count song “No Lives Matter.” What do you think about the Black Lives Matter movement? Has it been effective?

I think the term has been effective. I don’t really know, ‘cause anything that’s moving positive, they’re gonna try to take it apart and say, “Oh, this is a problem, and the money’s not going here or there.”

I'm not connected to the organization, Black Lives Matter. I don't even know who runs it. I don't even know what their agenda is, but I have connected with the term. I heard a comedian say, “Can we just matter?” We matter. Black lives are important. Black lives matter. I mean, goddammit, can we have a little bit of something? Shit. Dogs' lives matter. You know? It’s the very least, and people are pissed at it. I tried to make it clear in my song that if we were talking about gay people, if that was the problem, then that would be the slogan. But right now, we talking about Black lives or women’s lives, if that's the topic. But don’t be mad. Don't try to claim every motherfuckin’ thing. Can we have the word? God damn!

Here we are, it’s Black History Month. What has hip-hop done well? Is there anything to improve?

I don’t know really if it can improve. Hip-hop just evolves, and it's just gonna continue to evolve. It'll fuck up. It'll right itself. Like any other organism, you know?

What has hip-hop done for you?

I like to say it saved my life because it derailed me from what I was doing, which was negative, and it gave me a chance to do something positive. Once I found out that just being me was a brand, I was able to express myself. Whereas somebody like Public Enemy comes from this militant area, gangsta rap is the person saying, “I'm done asking for your help. Fuck you. I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna do it myself.” If anybody goes, “Oh, well, that's bad?” Well, let's bring up the Kennedys or let's bring up the mafia. Like every motherfucker that came over here, some people weren't handed shit and they just had to go get it. So that gangster is absolutely negative. After some point people go, “You know what, I'm tired of marching. Yeah, we ready to get gangster.”

It goes into another type of energy. So when they saw N.W.A and us come, they were like, “Oh shit, these are motherfuckers that really ain't asking for help. They're going to take it.” And that energy is needed. We don't have to want to fight nobody. Somebody asked me one time, “What is gangsta? What is your gangsta?” I said, “I don't back up well.”

That’s a great answer.

I’m not out here trying to push the line. I’m not out here trying to do something, but when you tell me what I can’t do “or else,” I’m not that guy. That’s what I’m about. I’m not trying to be a bad guy, but I don’t back up.

I was asked yesterday what someone can expect from you, just as a person. The first thing that came to my mind was the word “humble.” How do you stay grounded? 

You know what it is, though? You get what you give. Some people, like yourself, are very pleasant to talk to. So that's what you get back. Other people aren’t, and I can give them that, too. You know what I mean? So some people are assholes, so I can play that game. You know, my thing is like, I'm as nice as you let me be.

I'm trying to be nice. But if you want to go that over there, I'm very seasoned in that area too. Like, if you want to get stupid, I’m very well versed in being a motherfucker and a bitch ass… I’ll go there worse than you've ever thought. You don't have to be like that to good people. And let me tell you, the most dangerous people I've ever met are the nicest people I've ever met. It’s not the guy who's always talking tough. It’s the guy who will pull a picture of his kids out, but during dinner could pull your fucking eye out of your fucking head.

I interview a lot of West Coast gangster rappers, and they are always the most polite, but you're not going to mess with them.

Because they got that switch they can turn on and off. Appreciate the fact it’s off. What people do is they want to poke it. They want to poke the lion. They want to see it and it’s like, “Why?” People meet me and they’ll say, "You’re so nice," and I’ll say, “Well, you're not my enemy.”

SOMEBODY ASKED ME ONE TIME, “WHAT IS GANGSTA? WHAT IS YOUR GANGSTA?” I SAID, “I DON'T BACK UP WELL.” 

Kyle Eustice 

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[erenscherub]

Hey, your answer to your last ask is so relatable, i'm a pharmacy student and everything you said about science is really accurate. I wanna praise your choice of words in the series as well, and how your explanations wouldn't bore someone who is hugely uninterested in scientific topics. I also loved how you expressed the way your mc went through miscarriage. The series are very well written, but i just wished eren and mc were more private abt their relationship, maybe eren didnt need constant lectures and fights from others and that he should have been the one to protect mc from everything and from himself, at the same time i wish i could hit him on the carotid artery and be done with him and his drama

I discovered your blog today while on a study break and i binge read your series seasons, your style is so good, I can't wait to finish this month exams so that i can read your other works.

Thank you so much for your kind review 🤧🤧

It’s always nice to talk to a fellow pre-med student! I have two close friends right now that are on the pharmacy track and I wish you all luck with your coursework! Shit’s hard. I think the worst classes for me were molecular bio, genetics, and o-chem.

“I could hit him on the carotid artery and be done with his drama” BAHAHA. Poor Eren, it’s like another ‘donut’ situation.

More rambling under the cut cause it got pretty long

My friend E said the same thing that everyone needs to mind their business when it comes to the reader and Eren. But then she also admitted if one of her best friends was going through such a rough patch and wasn’t being treated well, she’d be encouraging her friend to leave their partner.

I do agree if this was real and not a work of fiction, there’s a lot of things that would not fly well for me. 100% agree that some things especially the anniversary dinner and the birthday party as well as the fight when the reader got back from California should have been matters handled privately.

And if I tried to keep my daughter from learning certain things about her father and my parents still went behind my back after I told them not to, I probably would have had a conversation with my parents and friends on boundaries or threaten going no contact.

I think Amanda and Zeke have always been meddlers. But for the most part, your other friends like Colt, Marcel, Annie, Petra, and Mikasa haven’t really been as vocal or intrusive until the last year of your marriage when things were getting so bad to the point even Cyrus was picking up on the non verbal cues that something was wrong. Because in the end, Eren is still Mikasa and Zeke’s brother. And Annie and Petra were Eren’s friends first.

Though kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, when Cyrus, Eliza’s best friend who spends a lot of time around Eren began acting up around him, that’s what caught everyone’s attention and they started to be more nosy. I’m a firm believer that kids and dogs’ aversion to certain people can be telling. Basically the affair has been going on for roughly almost two years but it’s after Eren kept messing up consecutively in December that’s when the reader’s friends were more intent on stepping in to mediate since the mc is the type of person to bottle up all her feelings/push everything under the rug and pretend everything is fine

[xiaosmoon]

GENSHIN BOYS IN COLLEGE

pairings: xiao, zhongli, kaeya, albedo, diluc, thoma, kazuha, & childe x gn!reader

summary: them & their college shenanigans <3

warnings: fluffy. this is literal crack i'm so blocked

note: i was having writers block so enjoy some brain rot

xiao: the liberal arts major who hates everyone except you and his besties venti & albedo <3 when xiao's not trying to be the main character who's mysteriously drawing by himself under a tree, he's streaming on twitch with his active 400k fan base that consists mostly of teenage girls. oh, did i mention he's a secret drag racer?

zhongli: the teachers assistant for the world history class. this man knows everything about every historical event. you swear it's like he's almost lived through all of it! which leads to your speculations of zhongli being a vampire. anyway, this man is very sweet and definitely gets unwanted flirtatious attention from his students. poor man just wants to talk about history </3

kaeya: the frat boy who's almost never at his frat house. honestly if he didn't tell you he was a frat boy you never could've guessed. kaeya is your typical "bad boy heart breaker" trope. and of course, his only soft spot is for you <3 what you find even more shocking is that he's a chemistry major. suddenly the stupid science pick up lines he leaves on post it notes for you to find make more sense.

albedo: ah yes, our studious straight A albedo. he's a double stem major with a minor in art. albedo has to be one of the most underrated students in your class. he's kind, smart, and very pretty. albedo is always willing to help you with your work and always does so with a gleaming smile! everyone loves albedo <3

diluc: oh. him. that guy. so diluc's like super rich, but humble about it. you won't even know this man is rich you didn't see him driving around campus in his 150,000 sports car. you've only heard from rumors that he's not one to talk to and should be ignored. so it wasn't until you were forced to talk to him though a project that you realized diluc is the most socially awkward dork you know! strangely, you very much like him for it.

thoma: unintentional teachers pet. all of the professors love thoma. i mean, who doesn't love thoma? having a bad day? thoma to the rescue! he's always there for you, rain or shine. he majors in zoology and is president of the cooking club! he also seems to attract a ton of unwanted attention from his fellow peers, but in reality all his heart longs for is yours.

kazuha: mmm yes. another one apart of liberal arts. kazuha is a music major and probably one of the easiest going guys you have ever met. he writes you weekly poems that you collect over time and put in a shoebox you spent hours decorating. you'd never tell kazuha that obviously.

childe: the epitome of frat boy chad. childe did not come to college to study, he came to party his life away. what enrages your the most is childe's natural smooth talking skills. this loser can talk any professor out of failing him. but what you can't seem to wrap your head around is his pristine grades. how can someone get wasted on a monday night but still ace their exam!!

taglist: @sunny-star021 @xiaos-wrld @how-simpy @icecappa @clemmywrites @urujiako @xiaophobic @zhongchi14 (check my navigation if you'd like to be added)

[theyungihven]

🍂Inappropriate cuddling 🍂

pairing : established boyfriend mingi × fem reader

warnings : period sex, breeding kink, dubious consent, vag! penetration etc

word count: 900+ words

genre: fluff, smut, romance synopsis : you are immersed in reading a new romance novel but your boyfriend knows how to get your attention as he joins you in bed

On a peaceful spring evening, you lay wrapped in your cherished Hello Kitty blanket on your cozy bed with a kindle nested in your left hand, pressed against the mattress. You are lost in the realm of fiction contained in the device held between your fingers as it soaks up your attention, entertaining you in process which is a good deal but it isn’t one for your boyfriend.

You had woken up when the sun was standing the highest in the sky, at its throne and then proceeded to lazily brush your teeth with the help of your boyfriend followed by him feeding you the fried rice he had cooked for you. You then retired to your slumber again with your reading device in hand as he helped you cocoon yourself in the baby pink coloured blanket and returned to watching his football match. You had to call him again to drape the curtains to only let enough light in for the DIY reflections you made from CDs to reflect and split the ray of sunlight and he does so without complaining but leaves with a grumpy face when you don’t even give him a kiss on the cheek.

You immerse yourself into reading the new STEM romance novel which came out last week written by a neuroscienctist and apparently has a fake dating trope so…as a fellow STEM student yourself whose major is underrepresented in mainstream commercial fiction, you feel obliged to read it as early as possible before someone on social media ruins your perception about it. Honestly, It is your first time reading the fake dating trope but this book, oh dear this book has got you really hooked since the past 3 hours now, which also means that your lovely boyfriend has been deprived of your attetion for a whole 180 minutes.

You are currently 100 pages in, now reading the scene where the main character is bullied into applying sunscreen to her fake boyfriend, who is also shirtless, to save him from basal cell carcinoma and somehow you find the scene very steamy. You expect him to enter the room at any moment and wrap his arms around your waist like an attention deprived child and complain about how you’ve emotionally abandoned him for mere words on a screen in order to make up for the time you left him alone.

You’re not surprised when you feel a dip behind you in the bed, followed by an arm wraping itself around your waist. It's your angry little boyfriend for sure for sure because his hot breath flutters against your neck while you try to focus on reading your book.

To be honest he isn’t helping at all at the moment but trying to ignore his presence you continue your reading squeling when the main character turns her boyfriend around to apply sunscreen on his chest and the descrpition of her fingers feeling the form of his hard chest muscles has your cheeks flaring up. Adding to the Seretonin rush, your excitement fuels up when you feel your boyfriend’s hard cock pressed up against your bare ass cheeks and your face flushes red and you remember that you are laying naked waist down in the bed.

“Mingi~” you whimper as he pushes your ass apart, hiking your right leg upon his and rubs himself against your clothed core. He pulls you closer and now your ass is pressed against his hips. “Let me read..please” you beg him as your grip on the kindle loosens and your vision blurs as the heat of the moment consumes you while warmth swirls in your stomach. His arm formerly wrapped around your waist moves up, cupping your breasts under your shirt. “Love, I’m really sorry but I can’t help you.” you apologize feeling guilty that you can't help him as you are on your period.

He is ever so understanding as he says, “It’s okay darling, I love you soo fucking much!”, and his legs strangle yours and thrusting his cock between your bare ass cheeks while you get worried if the pad will misplace and make a mess.

His lips slip a deep groan and you can’t help but grow wetter at that as you moan, “Fuck it mingi! Just use me, I can't anymore.” and place your kindle on the desk then turn around to give him full access to your body.

He grips your hip, sliding off your underwear and tossing it on the floor not caring if it will stain the floor, he spreads your legs apart, hitching one above his and thrusts in with the blood along with your wetness making it easier for him to slide you. You wrap your arms around his shoulder as your eyes roll back when his tip touches your uterus and slides behind it to hit your g-spot which makes you moan in his ears.

Upon hearing your praise in the form of whimpers and moans of his name and of curse words, the speed of his thrusts increase along with the depth of his dick reaching inside you.

Pleasure coarses through your veins as you split into a state of escasty, giving up control and letting him fuck your brains out as if you’re heat not caring about explaining about the bloody mess on your sheets to the dry cleaners because in this moment you were full of him and being split on his dick, it was all that mattered to you.

[be-gay-do-heists]

hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

-----

Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam. 

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

------

(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/. 

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”