#hi everyone i work on religious themes if anyone is interested :)

[mypoisonedvine]

𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔰 (part I) | frater imperator x reader

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 | when the newly-appointed head of the clergy decides (or, has it decided for him) that it is time to marry, he neither has time for nor has to worry about the stress of dating... he can just take his pick.

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱 | 5.2k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 | for the series overall: smut (18+ only!!), arranged marriage, extreme religious themes, shy!reader, and lots of pining/slow-ish burn. for this chapter: mention of death and mostly just reader having anxiety... and a hint of my glove kink coming through but that's neither here nor there

this is probably not worth saying when it's already in the title but uh, rite here rite now spoilers. so sorry but it's literally what the fic is based on so I couldn't help it.

Frater Imperator… Frater Imperator…

He couldn’t quite wrap his head around the title, still.  It was a shock already when he first read the letter from his mother— on top of the shock of losing her, which was more than enough— but it still hadn’t quite sunk in.

He was so shocked by the promotion, in fact, that he’d been entirely unable to process the paragraph afterwards:

And please, do as I’ve been asking for quite some time and finally take a wife.  Or husband!  I’m not picky.  But you need someone beside you to keep things in order and keep you in line.

Yes, Copia’s mother had been encouraging him towards marriage for quite some time, even before he knew she was his mother; in some ways, it made more sense once that element came to light, though it did change the tone of her request quite a lot.  It also made him take it much more seriously.

And now, it could be argued that this was basically her dying wish.  He really had no other choice: he couldn’t put off a marriage any longer.

See, he’d never had a problem with the idea of it— he’d always imagined getting married some day, like most people seem to— but he wasn’t the luckiest in love.  A broken heart or two (or five) had convinced him to focus more on his work with the church, and to be fair, no one could deny that the work had paid off.  But, as they say, it gets lonely at the top: and now, he was the leader of the whole church, and he had no prospects or even romantic interests to speak of.

Fortunately, he had realized that because he was the leader, he didn’t need all that: all he had to do was say the word.

~

The announcement spread through the congregation like wildfire: the newly-minted Frater Imperator was going to get married.  The part they neglected to mention— and the part everyone wanted to know the most— was to whom.

There were already plenty of rumors, which you avoided because you felt they were all baseless.  Even within one day you’d heard three different stories about this mysterious future spouse, each more preposterous than the last: that he had a secret lover in the ministry he would wed, that he met a fan at a ritual and swept her off her feet, and that he had some previously unmentioned long-term girlfriend who wasn’t even in the church.

The wedding was less than a week away and all anyone knew was that everyone would be there.

Unfortunately, it was hard to ignore the gossip, even if you weren’t participating in it.  The night when it all began, you were trying to read while several of the other Sisters were giggling amongst themselves over their various theories.  “I wasn’t sure he’d ever marry,” someone admitted, “even though he could probably have anyone he wanted.”

“Not me,” one Sister announced smugly, “I never thought he was all that good-looking.”

“Oh please,” another scoffed incredulously, “you’d be on your knees in a second if you saw him at a ritual.”

“Besides, his looks aren’t the most important thing: this is the head of the clergy.  Whoever he marries is probably going to be spoiled rotten!”

They laughed excitedly, and though you’d been trying to tune it out, you couldn’t help but wonder about it as well.  The announcement had left so much unanswered, but the timing of it seemed too important to ignore.  Perhaps the clergy had forbidden the Papa to marry— you weren’t aware of any rule against it, since to your knowledge none of them had ever tried— and so he’d had to wait until his time was complete to be with the person he loved.  Perhaps it was the death of his mother that triggered it: at best, a renewed desire to find happiness and family when faced with a reminder of mortality; at worst, his mother hadn’t approved of his lover and only now was his final obstacle removed.

Ironically, after all those times you failed to ignore them before, it took the other Sisters several attempts to tear you out of your train of thought now: you blinked quickly and looked up from your book as you realized they were saying your name to get your attention.

“Hm?” you mumbled hazily when you looked at them.

“A message for you,” Sister Agnes informed you, leaning over to hand you a rolled parchment.  You weren’t sure if it was private or not, but everyone was staring at you in anticipation— in fact, you noticed then that their entire conversation had died down to silence— and so you awkwardly unrolled it and read the writing inside.

MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY:

Frater Imperator and the clergy request your presence in the upper sanctum imminently.

~

As soon as you descended the stairway back to the mail halls of the abbey, a gaggle of Sisters descended on you, wide-eyed and desperate for gossip.  “So?!” Sister Lilith asked expectantly, like the rest of her question should be obvious. “What was it about?”

“Was the whole clergy there?”

“U-uhm, all but Frater,” you replied shyly.

“What did they say?”

“Don’t be silly, ladies,” Sister Agnes scoffed, “it was obviously about the wedding.  What else would there be meetings about today?  They must want her to help in some way: communion, maybe?”

“Ooh!  A bridesmaid!” another in the group suggested excitedly.  “Do you know who he’s marrying?”

“Of course she knows!” someone answered for you.  “Who is it?  I was right, wasn’t I— it’s someone in the church!”

“Well… yes, I know who it is,” you mumbled, “but I… I’m not sure I’m permitted to speak on it.”

That was a lie, but you were too busy trying to process it all yourself to share it with anyone.

“Just tell us,” they begged.  “You won’t get in trouble!”

“The wedding’s only a few days away,” Sister Lilith pointed out, “so there’s no point in it being a secret now— and if I’m right about who it is, Sister Magdalena owes me a fifty.”

“I’m sure you didn’t guess it,” you promised her.

But the questions just kept coming: “It is a woman, though, right?” “Is it someone you know?  Wait, is it someone we know?” “

You realized that if you didn’t tell them now, they would either figure it out soon or be entirely blindsided at the ceremony.  Not to mention that if you refused to answer their questions, they’d just keep grilling you until they got something.  Your voice was actually quite feeble in that moment, not loud or strong enough to cut through all that chatter— but your words were enough to stop every question being thrown at you in its tracks.

“It’s me.”

You waited for them to react, but for a moment, they didn’t.

“I was asked to— to take the position,” you specified, putting it as vaguely as possible.  I’m going to marry Frater Imperator was just as true but was just as hard to say as it was to wrap your head around.

They erupted into a variety of reactions, all of which at least had some element of shock involved.  “I had no idea you were so close!” Sister Agnes exclaimed.

“We’ve… never even spoken…” you shyly replied, and the excitement quickly died down.  You weren't offended by their quizzical stares; if anything, it was a relief to see some of them looking as confused as you felt.

Why did he choose her? you caught a few whispers in the back of the group.  They're strangers? What makes her so special, then?

You wish you knew the answers to those questions.

That night as you laid in bed, you couldn’t do anything but replay the clergy meeting in your mind.  You’d felt so small across the table from all of them; you had no idea air could feel so heavy and stiff, matching the tense energy as you waited for them to explain why you’d been summoned.  As it all happened, you thought you would never forget every detail— but already you were losing your memory of what was said in what order, when exactly you realized you weren’t in trouble, how long it took you to believe what you were hearing.

Should we not court first?  Or have a meeting, maybe? You had suggested.  Frater does not feel it is necessary, a clergyman firmly replied.

And he’s not here now, because… you trailed off.

We all feel you should make this decision privately— in case his presence would sway you one way or another, a high Sister answered.

You could see the logic in that, and appreciated the concern for your uncoerced consent… except, of course, that this was an offer already impossible to say no to.  They’d successfully convinced you that you wouldn't be punished for turning down the proposal, but the marriage itself had already been announced: if you rejected the offer, someone else would surely take your place.  And for some reason, though the idea of going through with this terrified you, passing it up sounded even worse.  Even just imagining another woman taking her place at his side… why did it bother you so much? 

Because you will take your husband's title, but will not have decision-making power over the clergy, your title from henceforth shall be Sister Imperator Consortia.

It had a ring to it, but it didn’t feel like you— at least not yet.  It felt too… formal, too important.  Generally, people don’t join a convent and put on a habit because they’re intent on standing out, Satanic or not.

You told yourself that you needed to rest while you could, you had a busy week ahead starting with a dress fitting first thing tomorrow.  But still, you hardly got a moment of sleep that first night; part of you thought if you shut your eyes long enough, you would wake up to learn this had all been some bizarre dream.

You couldn’t decide, though, if you’d be relieved or heartbroken if you awoke.

~

In some ways, the wedding mass was quite similar to how you’d always pictured yours would be… except for the attendance.  You were sure you’d never met this many people in your life!  Even tonight, you wouldn’t be able to meet them all!

But, of course, this was the social event of the year, if not decade, for any church member or Satanist: it only made sense that there were throngs of people not only in the church but outside, waiting to see the new couple.

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, face obscured by the black veil, your eyes widened with the thought that you might be basically the Kate Middleton of Satanism in this moment…

Trading your opaque veil for one of lace, your loose and simple dress for a form-fitting and extravagant one made of dark red silk and sporting an over-the-top train, you wondered if you were going to be swallowed up by all this overwhelming intricacy, all this… pomp.

Taking a shaky breath, you tried not to imagine that everyone else watching you walk down the aisle would agree with you that you were horribly out of place.  You wished you’d had a chance to understand why you were chosen— to even just meet the high Frater, but the clergy had insisted several times that he was too busy with his new duties and planning the wedding.  Yes, your fiance was too busy planning your wedding to speak to you.  It was all horrifically ironic, and irritating.  So, as you turned and stepped out of the bridal suite, taking your bouquet of Dahlias from one of the Sisters assisting you, you thought to yourself if nothing else, at least I’ll get to finally try to understand all this by the end of the night.

The doors to the main hall opened for you, and there was no turning back.

It was a massive room, with easily a thousand people between you and the altar, but the very first thing your eyes fell on was Copia all the way at the other end of the aisle: the all black suit was no surprise, yet even from so far his white eye stood out prominently, and it was fixed on you.

Walking down the aisle took quite some time— you’d been reminded to take slow steps, as if you were just going to break into a sprint or something.  You tried to keep your eyes ahead, and ignore all the eyes on you: people seated on the furthest ends of the pews leaned and stood on their tiptoes to try to get a glimpse, but between all the encouraging smiles you caught an occasional glare of disapproval… it seemed plenty of your siblings were jealous of or disappointed by you one way or another.

Adjusting your clammy hands slightly, you realized you were unintentionally holding a concerningly tight grip on the Dahlia stems and the ribbon they were wrapped with; that said, you were very thankful for something you do with your hands.

Your heart was pounding by the time you reached the front of the hall, where the priest, the clergy, and your betrothed waited for you at the altar.  A Sister took your bouquet away to free your hands just as you passed the front row, and when you looked forward again there were only a few carpeted steps between you and… everything.

Copia surprised you by reaching forward— at first you weren’t sure what he meant by it, until you realized and quickly took his hand, letting him guide you up the stairs.  He was wearing those leather gloves you hardly ever saw him without, but even still, it was the first time you’d ever touched him; was his hand shaking?  You couldn’t tell, yet it almost felt like it.  Not to say that his grip wasn’t a strange sort of comfort in that moment; as he helped you up the stairs, you felt yourself relaxing slightly, despite being far from over with the hardest parts of this.

The first few minutes were just a matter of standing and waiting while the priest spoke: you wish you could say you remembered a damn word of it, he must’ve said something about love or marriages or… you know, all that.  Whatever it was, you were relieved when it was over and you could move on to the communion and prayer— the more familiar parts, and the parts where you got to kneel.  You were actually amazed that your legs hadn’t been noticeably wobbly so far, but they definitely could use a break.

In the time that your head was meant to be bowed in your prayer, you carefully opened your eyes and turned your head— just enough to take a peek at him quickly.  Well, your intention was to be quick about it, but once you started looking, you became distracted rather easily.  It was just that you'd never seen him so up close, you were sure: you'd never noticed the slope of his nose before, or how long his eyelashes were, or the shape of his lips in this profile—

Suddenly, as if he sensed your stare somehow, his eyes popped open and glanced over to return it.  He gave you a half smirk as your eyes widened and you snapped your gaze back down to your clasped hands.

“...and may they be joined in unholy matrimony for all eternity,” the priest ended his prayer: “Nema.”

“Nema,” you and Copia and the rest of the congregation replied.

The penultimate step of the ceremony was the exchanging of the rings, which were extended towards you both on a little velvet pillow— it was actually kind of adorable, you thought.

You figured he might take his gloves off for you to put the ring on, but it was apparently designed to fit around them; alternately, you had to suppress a startled reaction to your own ring as he gently placed it on your finger.  It was a massive ruby surrounded with onyx and black diamonds, intricate and completely unsubtle.  You knew Copia had expensive taste, and it was certainly in keeping with such a lavish wedding, but you wondered if it would look entirely out of place on you for daily wear.

I’ll wear this ring every day, forever, you reminded yourself; you breathed out shakily as his hands held yours so tenderly for one more moment after your ring was in place.

And then there was only one thing left.  The thing you’d been preparing yourself for since this morning— or perhaps since that fateful meeting with the clergy: the kiss.

It felt pretty melodramatic with him lifting your veil over your head, and it felt surreal to be in the part of this that you’d been imagining in hopes of preparing yourself.  Of course, it was a little different than how you’d pictured it, most of all the look on his face: it was subtle, but he didn’t seem as serious or muted as you were used to.  It wasn’t like he was grinning or anything— that would’ve actually been sort of creepy— but there was a small smile on his face.

You heard the priest say something about husband and wife but you weren’t paying attention, it all sounded distant somehow.  And maybe you sort of psyched yourself up for this moment too much— maybe you wanted to get the wedding over with, maybe you were afraid if you didn’t commit fully that you’d end up instinctively backing away when he came closer and you’d both be humiliated in front of all these people.

There were other possible explanations for what you did, but for whatever reason, you all but threw yourself onto him and kissed him.

It only lasted for a few seconds, but that moment may as well have been frozen in time; it took him a second to react, his hands settling near your waist— and it took the crowd a moment too, but they began to clap and cheer for you both at some point.

Truthfully, you weren’t thinking much about how it felt to kiss him… you couldn’t, really, without losing focus on the point of all this.  You weren’t here to have a nice kiss or meet someone you might like— you were here to serve a purpose, to fill a role.  And that’s not to say you weren’t grateful, but you weren’t going to let yourself be distracted from your duty to the church.

You backed away as suddenly as you’d latched onto him, and when you opened your eyes after scrunching them shut during the kiss, you saw him looking at you with a bit of shock in his expression.  Only then did you wince to yourself and wonder, was that too much?

He took your hand and turned to face the congregation, so you followed suit of course, and as he smiled and waved at them politely you were a little surprised to see them all standing and applauding.  It definitely felt like a bigger crowd from this side of the cathedral…

You were almost frozen for a second, until you felt his hand guiding you down— he was already on the first step down, so you quickly picked up your skirt and followed him.  You had wondered before if you would feel different walking back down the aisle with him, compared to when you processed on it alone.  You weren’t sure if you really felt married or something— what would that even feel like?— but you did feel different.

You felt better, actually— relieved, happier, you even caught yourself smiling at the crowd, but it was hard not to with how… energetic they were.  Despite not really knowing what to do with all that attention, you at least appreciated it, though it surely had little to do with you.  They were cheering for him because he’s Copia— Frater, the former Papa, heir of the Emeritus bloodline— and they were only cheering for you because you’re his wife.

And no, just because you understood that logically didn’t mean it felt at all real yet.

Frater Imperator and Sister Imperator Consortia! you could hear the announcement echoing through the hall, though it was distant compared to the claps and hollers.  You dared one glance at him by your side, thinking it might be easier than looking at this massive crowd around you, and found him already smiling at you; and with a warmth beginning to spread on your face, you let him guide you out of the doors, into the rest of the church submerged in nightfall. 

~

After a crowded spectacle like that, the quiet of his chambers was quite a relief.  So much so, actually, that it dampened some of that eerie, anxious feeling of being alone with Copia in his bedroom; it wasn’t quite as spacious as you would’ve assumed someone with his level of importance would have, but the ornate and luxurious furniture made perfect sense.

You were so caught up in taking it all in, almost entranced by the beauty all around you, that when he spoke it slightly startled you. 

“That kiss,” he said suddenly.  “Wow.”

It was just that his voice sounded so different like this: no microphone, no massive chapel, just one small room with stone walls.  There was a brief pause as he ran his gloved hand over his hair, blowing air quickly out of his mouth, and you realized you should probably respond somehow: for some reason, your mind struggled to accept that he was speaking to you directly.  “I’m sorry if I was too forward, I just—”

“No!  No, not at all,” he laughed thinly, “no, you did very well.  I’m sure today was… overwhelming for you.”

It felt good to just hear him confirm that: up until now, everyone in the clergy had been sort of acting like this was normal, never really acknowledging (let alone validating) your stress.

“If it’s any comfort, it was for me, too.  And I’ve had a lot more experience with large crowds than you,” he added.

You smiled a little; “Yes, that’s true— but it must be different here, at home.”

“Mm,” he nodded, pondering that for a second.  “It is.  But it’s preferable in some ways, too— like now, being able to come back to my own space.”

You envied that a bit; you were likely never to return to your chambers across the building, and while you didn’t necessarily enjoy sharing that space with a dozen other Sisters, it was probably easier than sharing a bed with just one man.

Before you could get a little too caught up in that train of thought, he spoke again.  “I can’t believe I haven’t already told you how exquisite you look in your dress,” he offered.

“O-oh, thank you,” you hummed, “I’m very fortunate, it’s a beautiful gown.”

“Of course it is, I picked it out,” he informed you proudly.  “I have excellent taste, no?”

“You do,” you agreed with a small laugh.

“And you liked the ceremony, I hope?”

“Yes, Papa,” you answered dutifully.  “I-I mean, Frater.”

“Force of habit,” he noticed, “literally.  But, I'm not Frater to you anymore, I'm your husband.”

That certainly made your heart skip a beat, even though you couldn’t imagine you had forgotten it in the last ten minutes.  “So what should I call you, then?” 

“Well, just my name should do,” he laughed slightly, seeming a bit surprised by the question.  “Spouses call each other pet names from time to time, would you like that?”

You might have been able to think about that idea more clearly if his hand wasn't on your waist, petting along the curve of it absent-mindedly.  “I… don't know,” you admitted, “I’ve never really tried it.”

“It will come naturally, I suppose,” he shrugged.

“So, it is a proper marriage then,” you realized.

“Hm?” 

You wondered if you shouldn’t have said it aloud.  “I-I just mean, I wasn’t sure at first… if maybe it was all political, you know,” you admitted.  “A marriage for show, not necessarily of a personal nature, I guess.”

“If it were political, I would have been paired up with someone from another church, I imagine,” he explained, one of his eyebrows raising.  “Did you think I chose you randomly?”

It felt pretty fucking random, you wanted to say, but that would have been a little bit harsh.  Instead, you sat down on the edge of the bed (which was only a little cumbersome with your dress) and he copied you, sitting just a few feet away.  “I’m so honored you chose me, Copia,” you began, feeling a little odd about using his name so casually, “but I just… I can’t imagine why.”

“The clergy asked me the same thing,” he recalled, “but they weren’t satisfied with my answer— I’m sure you won’t be, either.”

“Try me,” you encouraged.

“Well… I saw you once,” he explained slowly, “in a Mass— I gave you communion, do you remember that?”

“O-oh, yes, I think you’ve served me the elements a few times.”

“This was the first time,” he assured, “I know, because I thought to myself she must be new, if I’d seen her before I would’ve remembered it.”

You tried not to smile too wide, but you couldn't help some reaction.  You never imagined you'd left such an impression on him.

“You looked up at me, and you just looked so sweet… I couldn’t get the image out of my mind, you on your knees before me…”

You crossed your legs tightly.  “I mean, I remember that too, of course.  But it’s because it was the first time I saw you in your papal robes— I was just one of hundreds, I didn’t even know you could tell us apart.”

“Well, you stood out to me— maybe it was fate, eh?” he smirked.  But he was the head of the clergy, the most important man in the church: he made his own fate.

“And that’s it?” you realized sheepishly.  “You thought I was pretty, or something, a few years ago and so you married me?”

“Not pretty, no— pretty is cheap, cara mia.  You were enchanting.”

Was this flattery?  It seemed too perfect to be totally genuine, but hell, he was smooth.  

“I thought of you often,” he admitted, moving closer to you, “I imagined if I might have you to myself someday… and now I do.”

His gloved hand rested on your shoulder before carefully moving up to the back of your neck; he guided you towards him, slowly and patiently, looking into your eyes for a moment but taking longer to look at your lips. 

You swallowed nervously once before letting your eyes fall shut.

The kiss was soft at first, but grew more intense with every moment; he breathed a little heavier through his nose and you could feel it against your face.

His arms wrapped around you, and it should've felt nice, like a loving embrace; it sort of did, it just also started to make you feel claustrophobic, forcing you to fight the urge to squirm out of his grasp.

You wanted to give into it, you wanted to let yourself melt into his arms… but as he held you tighter and kissed you harder, your heart started to race in a way that wasn’t pleasant anymore.

Pulling back and pushing against him, you broke away and hoped he wouldn’t be angry with you or hurt by your rejection.  Fortunately, he let you move back as soon as you tried, and looked at you with an expression more of surprise than frustration.

“W-wait, I—” you mumbled nervously, willing your hands not to shake with nervousness.  “It’s not that I don’t— we’ve only just— I do find you attractive, but—”

“We don’t know each other very well,” he finished for you.  “It's alright, you seemed nervous already.”

“Yes,” you sighed, smiling with relief.  “I just thought… maybe we could get to know each other better first, before we…”

“I didn't expect you to be so shy,” he noticed with a soft laugh.  You were keeping close watch on his tone and, from what you could tell, he thankfully didn't sound too disappointed.

“I-I’m usually not,” you assured, “maybe compared to some other Sisters…”

“Well, that's a low bar,” he noted with a raised brow, “but anyhow, it doesn't bother me.  I'm happy to wait until you're… more comfortable.”

You smiled a little, glancing away briefly.  “Thank you,” you began, barely managing to stop yourself from calling him by a title again.

“I just hope you'll stay in my bed tonight— it's your bed, too, you know.  Nothing else has to happen.”

“Of course,” you smiled, “I'd like that.” 

He nodded shortly at you and moved as if he was going to get up, but you opened your mouth impulsively to speak— even if nothing came out right away— and he stopped.

“But, um— you could kiss me again,” you suggested quickly, before you lost the nerve.  He smiled, with a certain sparkle in his eyes that made you squirm slightly against the bed.

His hand brushed under your chin gently, lifting your face until you were forced to look right up at him.  “If it would please you,” he returned with a purr.

Swallowing thickly, you nodded; “Yes,” you insisted softly.

This kiss was slower, but no less intoxicating: he touched you like you were the most fragile thing, and the movements of his lips seemed to gently guide your own.  You heard yourself sigh against him, and his thumb started to pet your jawline tenderly.

You remembered that moment clearer now, the one he described to you before. Taking communion from him, kneeling under him, waiting with an open mouth for him to deliver the mana to your tongue… the cool golden chalice against your lip and the bittersweet wine…

His other hand delicately landed on your lower back, and you opened your mouth wider, letting his tongue graze against yours.

When he pulled back, you found yourself leaning forward just for a second, chasing him for more.  And he obviously noticed, it was clear from the way he smiled down at you.  You wondered if he would indulge your desire for more— for a second, you imagined he might decide that you were more ready than you'd let on and take you right then and there.  A little brutish, yes, but the idea tickled a certain corner of your brain.

But, no, he sat up straight and let out a short breath.  “I'll get ready for bed,” he announced.  “You should too— you've had a long day.”

You nodded back; “Yes, Papa,” you returned compulsively once again.  “Damn it!”

“It seems you have a lot of new things to get used to,” he laughed.

More than you know, you thought to yourself as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

[writingforatwistedworld]

Hii, I'm glad you're back . Even if it was for a few days you really left a place in tumblr not just for your work but for your presence itself.

I had a question for a while and I'm sorry if you answered it before and I seemed to not notice , if that's the case then forgive my ignorance but I was wondering , since sebek seems to respect his grandfather alot and has inherited the hate for humans from him and it's a known fact in self-aware au that the faes 'love' the overseer alot I must say.. does that mean that sebek also inherited his 'love' for the overseer from his granpa? If so how did green grandpa see the overseer, what made him 'love' them and how does he show it .

If you don't want to write this then feel free to ignore it , hope you have a great day and don't forget to drink water and eat well<33

Hi there Anon. It's so sweet of you to say that. I didn't think I would have made such an impression on anyone. But I completely forgot to write about Sebeks grandfather -_-

Well, better late than never.

Self-aware au

WARNINGS: Jp-version spoiler (like, the whole thing!!!), (Platonic!) yandere themes, war, religion, unhealthy mindset, isolation, unhealthy family dynamic

(Platonic!) Yandere headcanons

Ah yes, our local way too loud and loyal member of the reptilian family. No need to to worry about him. I mean, what could go wrong? (Hehe…)

Baul was not from the Valley of Thorns. Growing up in Sunset Savannah he did not grow up with the beliefs of the Faes (in other words, he was not part of a religious cult)

So imagine the huge shock he felt when he finally became a solider under the Draconia banner and started to become more and more like the other Faes

Well, for starters, yes, he wasn't indoctrinated into the whole church thing since birth but also wasn't raised to see you as an equal like the beastmen of the Savannah

You could say that he was a healthy mixture of both

Emphasis on the “was”

You see, isolation and being the only one sticking out (if we discount the humans invading the valley) does leave you open for a lot of things

If we count two (being the surroundings he was in) and two (his more or less unnoticed loneliness) together, we can see pretty fast where that led

Never mind his superior (and friend I mean come on they might as well be brothers) Lilia constantly rambling about the Overseer, savior of all, and how you accepted everyone in your kind embrace

Ok. Nice. Neat. Great. In the beginning, Baul wasn't very interested in joining any kind of religion

But the longer the war held on, the more he wished there was someone he could ask for help in his task of protecting those he deemed close to himself (you see the generational pattern?)

At some point, even the proudest of all can't hold on for forever

So he turned to you, the supposed God that was on so gentle

And goddamn that religious gaslighting and placebo effect worked damn well

Not only did he feel like there was someone there who supported him from somewhere in the universe (even though that was just him believing too much but let have him have some hope, ok?) but also he finally had a community

Whenever he would leave one of the many churches in the valley a Fae would approach, thanking him for protecting their home

Sooner than later did the former non-believer think of himself as your chosen shield of the valley

The war came and went away

If only the same thing could be said about Bauls new religious beliefs

And when he saw that grandson of his, cute little chubby hands that gripped a wooden toy sword tightly, he knew that his position as the valleys shield would not cease

Yes, even Baul would die one day. Fae or not, he was at the end of the day mortal

But that talent of his grandson would surely be of use to you, right?

If his younger self would see him like this, would it run away? Would it feel disgust at the thought that his future self would use his own grandson for selfish, religious reasons?

If only Baul knew that “God” didn't even know they were living beings that existed in a different world…

[metalichotchoco]

Since we know the performers are humans that entered the circus it’s interesting to theorize who they used to be before that. Of course we have very very little information but I still wanted to work with what we do have because it’s deceptively a lot. At least for 2 characters, but I’m not gonna talk about pomni. She has alot of religious imagery tied to her but there’s nothing really holding that together. Anyways imma talk about Kinger.

We are told 2 things outright about kinger, he’s been there the longest and he’s “crazy”

My theory is that Kinger was the lead developer/ someone high up that worked on the circus. Out of everyone he’s the one with the most logic when it comes to the world and how it works which is weird and insane to anyone looking in. A lot of this can be chalked up to pure experience but things like the nutritional value of food or timing when someone will abstract is a little outside things he should be aware of. He’s a white king chess piece.

White moves first in a game. He probably is the first to arrive, trying to test the game before the company sells it to the public. He’s also a weak but extremely important figure in the game. If anything gets too close to him, he’s in check essentially. The tent’s floors are also a chessboard theme which probably doesn’t mean anything but I wanted to mention it. He refers to himself as “royalty” and the lead developer of a game would probably be considered such. Everything is screaming that he’s important.

Under the cut I’ll talk about his other design elements

Out of the 4 characters that wear gloves only 2 both have white gloves, Kinger and Caine. White gloves also seem to be our “cursor” of sorts but that’s not the only thing these two have in common. They also have the same style of eyes, more bloodshot in kinger’s case, they are asymmetrical humanoid eyes that both share blue as one of their colors. It’s a bit strange that they share these traits when they could’ve totally gone fully unique. It feels almost deliberate.

They are both as crazy as each other but one is introverted and one is extroverted. Obviously they’ve known each other the longest so I wonder how their relationship is onscreen. Though something I’m realizing is that Kinger and Caine’s teasers were also connected! They were telling two sides of the same story. Bubble tries to chomp Kinger but Caine reels bubble back in.

I wonder if Kinger’s actual name is Abel.. that’s going too far I think lol. I need to see a fully green eyed character now

There’s definitely something here but I don’t expect my theory to actually be what canon will become lol.

[local-redhead-bookworm]

Finished Gundam 00. My closing thoughts, in no particular order:

I’m glad that almost everyone has their happy ending and something to keep working toward

I enjoyed how Graham’s arc was about learning to live for something other than revenge (you may be noticing a recurring pattern with me). He spent most of season two being driven only by his desire to fight Setsuna again for honor, and how it closes with him finding something new to live for.

I still find Katagiri’s story a bit frustrating. Like yes Sumeragi shouldn’t have used his feelings to her advantage, but my guy. Becoming a fascist is already a bad idea, somehow it’s even worse when it’s motivated by relationship issues

Lyle killing Al-Saachez is just as deserved as if Setsuna had done it. I know we’d just had the whole big realization about the necessity of understanding each other, but Al-Saachez had no interest in trying to understand anyone else.

I was so upset about Tieria, but if he’s still alive inside Veda he’s not really gone. It’s like how in Ninjago Pixal went from an android body to being a program in Zane’s memory bank. Idk, it’s been a long time since I watched Ninjago

This show takes a very interesting philosophy on war. Wing asked more vague questions on the ethics of war, and what happens when you take humanity out of the fight and replace it with technology. IBO comes closest to truly analyzing the role of capitalism in war. But 00 questions the interplay of diplomacy and war, and how our approach to interpersonal conflict affects how we approach conflict on a broader scale. The message I feel 00 was aiming for is one that aligns with some of my core beliefs: in order for us to live at peace, we must see each other as equals and make every possible effort to understand each other. We may not always succeed, but if we approach our problems with the goal to find common ground and work together, the world will be a better place. Will it be perfect? No. But we don’t have to be perfect, we just have to try to be better

I’m really fascinated by the angle this show has on religion, sin, and deity. The religious themes are baked into the show, starting with a protagonist raised in a militaristic religious war, to the final villain being a man who wants to make himself God because he sees humanity as below him. There is also an element of guilt, the idea that there is blood on everyone’s hands. There is blood on the hands of the soldiers, but there is also blood on the hands of the civilians who choose to remain ignorant and look away. But the show does not say that we have to find a way to wash off that blood, only that we learn from the past and keep growing and trying to be better each day.

I did feel like all of this was slightly undercut by the fact that at the end, Celestial Being is still active. However, it did seem that Celestial Being would be looking less to act as they did in season one and more to work in conjunction with diplomatic forces, as a last resort when all else failed or intervening to help the innocent. I’m still a bit saddened that Setsuna doesn’t get to settle down and live a peaceful life, but that wouldn’t be realistic with him, to be fair. Marina says it herself, all he knows how to do is fight; if he cannot stop fighting, he has to change how and why he fights.

I really enjoyed this show overall. To be fair, there’s yet to be a single Gundam piece I wholeheartedly dislike, but I like a lot of how this story was told.

I feel like this one was a lot less character-oriented than other Gundam stories were. It works for this particular story, because like Wing, it’s interested in asking a broader philosophical question and less on the characters themselves in the situations. The characters’ backstories are important to why they choose to become involved with Celestial Being, but their life experiences did not have much influence on them otherwise. I do think that’s because the scope of this show was so big, and we as the audience are looking at this entire story from a much broader scope, so the extreme minutiae of character are less important than the broad strokes that lay the scene for a much bigger conversation.

[lousyglitch]

Scott pilgrim takes off inhabits the same artistic space as the matrix 4, or even the final fantasy 7 remake. I mean this as a good thing. It has the distinct touch of an artist that made something that defined a generation revisiting the art that outgrew them a thousandfold with more maturity and different interests.

These interests usually skew meta, they're about what drives someone to revisit something made by a past version of oneself, about the experience of suddenly gaining more influence than anyone could reconcile, where criticisms of your work (which you also, no doubt, have many) become synonymous with criticisms of your culture. If you've been here a while, you probably know (and are tired of) what I'm talking about, manic pixie dream girls and aloof average male protagonists, toxic nostalgia, pick your theme and it's a video essay title.

Imagine having every read of your 2004 funny video game-coded coming of age comic reverberate infinitely toward every direction, people saying your main character taught a whole generation of men to be self-absorbed while the exact opposite type of people rant about how your secondary lead "ruined a whole generation of women" because of hair-dye or whatever. Imagine Edgar Wright makes a movie adaptation of your cute little comic that somehow launches the careers of half of the current celebrity pantheon simultaneously. How would that change you?

Well, for one, it makes you less relatable. The truth of an aloof nerdy guy dating in his early 20s is a lot more universal than the truth of an artist in his 40s forever defined by the event horizon of a thing he wrote half his life ago. The matrix 4 couldn't stop talking about how it feels to have created the matrix. The final fantasy 7 remake can't help but to constantly examine what it means to remake final fantasy 7. It's easy to see why someone would hate that indulgent meta trend, I'll probably never write a generation-defining story, why would I care about the first world problems of someone who did? It can feel distant, and at its worst it can feel insulting. Like it's pointing the finger at the fans, whispering 'you did this to me'. I get that.

I get that, but I love it.

It's the fundamental difference between wanting something that is like something you liked, and wanting someone that is from the same creator of something you liked. The difference between feeding the mona lisa into an AI and finding a new authentic da Vinci. You can't make something entirely new if you religiously stick to using the parts of something that's already there. The human behind the work will always have influences you didn't realize, thought patterns and aesthetic preferences that weren't entirely clear in their previous work, no matter how much you deconstruct it. More importantly, the human will also change, and this organic self-continuity will reflect on the art. I don't want the creator of something to hold their own creation with the same zeal as its fans, because someone who did that simply wouldn't have been capable of creating the original piece in the first place.

I don't want a product, I want art.

Scott pilgrim, the original, indulges the most earnest impulse we have-- that of self-mythologizing, of creating a narrative off of our own lives. To depict the mundane as fantastic, interpersonal relationships as adventures. It resonated with so many people because it was earnest, and it was also picked apart to hell and back because it was earnest. Its flaws were on display, and not just the ones it intended to show. But in my opinion, the opposite impulse, that of washing off everything that could be criticized and presenting the cleanest possible image of yourself through your art, is just... bad. it makes for bad art, or it just freezes you. The very first hurdle of creating anything is getting over that, then maybe the spotlight will fall on you. If it does, you'll get everything you ever wanted, but everyone gets to see through you.

So, how do you revisit something like that? You have two options. Either you take all the pieces and try to reassemble them exactly how everyone remembers it, signing your name as a formality, looking at a mirror in which you no longer see yourself, or you talk to it. You dialogue with your own work, with who you used to be. You travel in time and talk to yourself. You question them, acknowledge them but also teach them a thing or two. You don't respect the product, you respect the feeling. You find the same earnestness that made you put pen to paper for the first time, and you point it towards your new loves and fears. Maybe you make it less about the main guy, take the chance to develop your secondary characters, maybe you give the girl more agency. Maybe you summon the future and refuse its answers. Maybe you fight yourself.

That's the harder choice. It submits your new self to the scrutinizing eyes of a whole new generation, it risks alienating the people who identified with your previous piece. It's riskier, probably less profitable, and by any pragmatic lens probably a bad idea. But it's the only way you can make art. It's truth, the truth that got you there in the first place.

It's how you get it together.

[justhereformilgram]

Why yes I do find myself becoming enthralled with multimedia stories primarily told through songs and sometimes manga and other ways with characters labeled numbers one to ten who are all so complicated and deep <3

Under the cut is spoilers/speculation for the Kagerou Project and trial one and trial two of the MILGRAM project! If you’re a fan of one of these I recommend checking the other two out! Also discussion of suicide topics and general dark content considering these tragic characters

Ok those up above are just paired by number (prison number and order of joining the mekkakushi dan) but here is how I’d pair them based on power/themes + explanations, maybe even if there was a crossover or au sort of thing. The ones with the blue squares are what I think definitely fit while the others I had to go back and forth on

prepare for a ton of yapping. Lol. Lmao.

Kido and Haruka: Abandonment and attention issues + the power to conceal yourself so you don’t get noticed is really interesting to me… Kido is more confident and blunt than Haruka, and yet, I do think they match up fairly well.

Seto and Mahiru: I was debating on giving Seto’s power to Yuno or even Es since it’s like. I don’t know people pleasing/the whole motif of trying to see inside of people’s minds but Mahiru having mind reading powers compels me, since she’s so empathetic. It would also make her indirect murder so much more messy since she would have likely tried to show her love more if she could viscerally sense her boyfriend struggling, but ough.

Kano and Kazui: now this. This fits like a glove. They’re all about lies and pain baybeee… Yobanashi Decieve is such a perfect Kazui song it’s not even funny. (Using the Will Stetson Eng Lyrics but like. Come on)

“Act normal and all of that, but my heart’s still rushing fast so easily”

“I bit the fruit (apple motif!!) and the snake burrowed inside of me”

“But that’s only right, cause I’m a monster in kind”

“Listen closely to this coward’s beating heart, a selfish face that’s seeped in pain, the only me that remains”

“Though I say I’m really lonely, nothing’s ever gonna change”

Mary and Amane : Okay this is a more of a hear me out but hear me out. Both sheltered from the outside/real world, albeit for different reasons, Amane by her religious organization, Mary by her mom since she has Medusa blood. Petrification as a power would be helpful for amane in that murder and/or not getting hurt again, and/or punishing sinners. Also I think Amane would judge Mary since she’s all about stopping the natural cycle of death with all those timeloops

Muu and Momo: Simply they are both popular and that power of drawing eyes is so perfect for that. Less good for Muu once everyone turns on her but it still works.

Ene and Fuuta: This is so just because digital media like video games and twitter are so important to Fuuta like yes go into the computer buddy and cyberbully on another level. They also have similar outward prickliness <3

Shintaro and ES: this is really just about main characters and retaining eyes probably going to Es…? Wasn’t too sure of this one myself tbh

Hibiya and Mikoto (and John): Ok Focusing eyes I couldn’t really think of anyone since it’s very niche but ehh..? Graphic artist??? I do think a kagerou daze situation with Mikoto and John of John trying to save Mikoto in a death loop would fit them before the twist that oh no, sacrificing yourself just continues a different cycle…

Konoha and Kotoko: they can PUNCH. mostly did this one because kotoko would love to have the power to punch people to death and also. Well. Most inter-party kills. In konoha’s case due to possession but Kotoko would prob use hers for cold hard Justice

Hiyori and Shidou: ok this was Clearing Eyes since timeline shenanigans makes it so that Hiyori isn’t part of the group most loops. Maybe I should’ve put Kenjirou instead… well… welp. Shidou would go that far for his wife, that’s all I’ll say, and also the snake of knowledge fits him

Ayano and Yuno: Wasn’t sure about this one, since tbh Novel ES (the girl one) probably fits Ayano better, but Yuno having such a emotional power, able to express her feelings to another, while having everything she has going on could be interesting. Maybe Yuno matches Hiyori better I don’t know LOL Ayano is my favorite of the kagepro bunch though

[ridleyandthebeast]

I just realized all of the parallels between the Dark Rise series and the Captive Prince series!

Dark haired powerful dude has an enemies to lovers arch with smart bitchy blonde hair dude with a lot of sass. It is literally them in a different font!!!! In this essay i will ....

Damen and Will are practically similar characters. To start with the basics like before they are both very powerful dark haired dudes. One has warrior strength, one was god like in sorcery powers. Everyone wants to be fucked by them and are mad about it and try to kill them because that was their best lay. But they only had eyes for some snarky blonde bitch. Their own siblings tried to murder them each! They both are hiding their identities from their new friends and love interest because their friends will react badly when they figure out who they really are.

Laurent and James are the same person because like I said blonde, bitchy, smart, and sassy. Both were raised by hypocrites who preached to be the saviors of their worlds. One was a prince ruled by his hypocritical uncle, the other was raised by his hypocritical father. Everyone wants to dominate them sexually or for power! Jame's is through the collar, Laurent's is through taking over his kingdom. They both fall for the puppy dog brute everyone ends up liking because he doesn't cross their boundaries, doesn't want to take away their power, and respects them.

Joakste = Visander

Violet = Nickandros

Katherine/ Will's mother = Kastor

Laurent's uncle = Jame's father/ light side

Captive Prince themes: slavery and child SA

Dark Rise themes: religious trauma and child abuse

I have a sneaky suspicion that the third book of the Dark Rise series will have similar plot twists and overall story arch and conclusion in a similar way that fits the narrative of this series. In Captive Prince, we thought Laurent's uncle was a little skeptical until plot twist after plot twist confirms that he orchestrated Damen's family's downfall and the death of Laurent's family. Not to mention he was a child predator. We already learned about the hypocrisy of the knights with the cup and how they are now tied to Sarcean with the shadow. I think we will soon find more bad things the light side has been hiding into how they brought down the "dark king". And lets not forget Laurent was revealed to know Damen's identity at the end of book two, beginning of book three. At the end of Dark Heir James now know's Will's identity and will now be further explored in book 3. It is not all gonna be rainbows and sunshines in book 3 for Dark Rise just like it wasn't in book 3 of Captive Prince. But like in book 1 they hated each other and finally decided to work together for a common goal, and in book 2 they started to fall for each other and would not act on it due to personal reasons. I think in book 3 they are gonna have to work through personal trauma and trust issues before they can truly love one another like they did in Captive Prince book 3.

All in all to say history was written by the winners so thats why each side has different perspectives and until the whole truth comes out like in the other series we will not know true piece for our characters. However, there is hope following those similar story arches because how well it turned out for the other couple. Also remember Damen was Laurent's slave and now the roles have reversed and Will is now James's master. But like Laurent said, Damen could never truly be a slave....

(Sorry this was long but I have been thinking about this all day, I don't know if anyone will read this but let me know your thought!)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/16/2024

did not commit fratricide this week but it got a little close there

listening

spotify tried to rec me some electro remix of this Eartha Kitt song i did NOT care for but i did enjoy the original Mink Schmink (YouTube). very similar to last year’s favorite Peel Me A Grape by Anita O’Day. this is a particular kind of oldies #girlboss song that i am super weak to

i also have an entire album to rec! spotify recced me a movie soundtrack by this artist and i went to check out their latest work. a very pleasant outer space themed saxophone-forward experience to enjoy while trying out a very slow video game! the opening track Chaldene will let you know pretty fast if you’ll like the whole album. bouncy, in the ways that saxophones are. very cowboy bebop soundtrack adjacent? i have a data entry playlist with many instrumental albums of long pieces for when i need really consistent vibes or vibes that change very slowly and this is going to be such a good addition

reading

feeling a little bit grim about the state of the world and long-tail reporting/continuity of knowledge, partially bc some friends got fired from the games industry and are throwing in the towel (do not blame them at ALL, also now this means i don't know anyone in the industry with more than three years of experience under their belt) and partially feeling a little bit grim bc i read an article FOREVER ago from the old motherboard team at VICE about how locations were being harvested from various religious and health apps, and FINALLY that data broker is starting to see some real consequences. the ONLY reason this reporter is still following this story/is still a reporter is bc after VICE summarily fired like half the site last year, he went off and started his own site.

grim! grim article, grim context, grim all around.

watching

i would love for my best friend's son to become obsessed with a different movie than pixar's elemental. but if this is the price of having an only semi-interrupted conversation with his mom then so be it.

playing

“sail forth” by developer Quantum Astrophysicists Guild and published by Festive Vector (pair of really killer names there) is the free epic game this week. i spent a reasonably okay hour with it but do not plan to continue further. the opening area has some problems that do not interest me in whatever this game does in the next area. tldr: the actual sailing part is fun, which is good bc it's a sailing game, but there isn't enough to Do in this adventure/exploration game and it's all really far apart.

it has a particular sensibility married with its art style that makes me say “cozy game” (derogatory). your main character is named captain toot. everyone has funky sentence structure liberally sprinkled with nautical terms that come off vaguely nonsensical instead of piratical. there are a lot of almost-kennings like “deepblue” “moontiders” “fishfolk”. things of this nature. while i do love a kenning i don’t have a lot of patience for this. which is unfortunate bc this game tested my patience in several ways.

the actual Sailing part is the best part of the game. there's some very fun weather-- i have seen light and heavy fog, light and heavy rain, and a full on thunderstorm. the fact that sailing is the best part of the game would be good except everything is VERY far apart, and while the call of a blank horizon is super important in an oceangoing game (i think) when it becomes more fun to just fast travel everywhere instead of sailing the long way, i think that’s where you have to refine some things in your game. this is less of an open world and more little pockets of things in between a truly ridiculous amount of empty space. i cannot imagine this runs in an acceptable manner on switch.

the good parts of sailing are the thoughtful controls: the compass, the wind on the compass, and the little sail trim bar. you should also keep an eye on wave direction bc that will really impact your top speed. you CAN tack back and forth directly into the wind but this game will make you fucking work for it, which i do like. i also liked sailing with the camera zoomed all the way in, it felt very fast and dangerous on the very long wait to get to the next island. and then it was no longer fun on the very long sail to get to the next island. i am almost confident these islands are procgen, it’s possible i got a weirdly big seed but i don’t care enough to fire up a new save.

the general pace of the game/this first area feels a little underbaked or weirdly optimized. i got enough wood in the first hour to upgrade to the best available one-mast sloop, i fought a pirate which required a lot of precision seamanship with my one lonely bow gun, i did a race, i declined a target practice course, i poked my head into eight different map locations. despite this variety, it all felt very samey. generally the map locations have one or two things to do plus one resource (the precision seamanship required to collect resources is fun for the first two islands but then stops being interesting) or one collectible. no one island is particularly memorable. i really loved Sunless Sea, a game that also features a large map and very slow travel, but there’s a WAY more resource management and random events, and shit is simply closer together in that game.

if i was looking for a very slow podcast game and was 20% cutesier as a person this would be ideal, but for who i am right now? not for me.

making

my siblings visited! we did not kill each other, nobody had food poisoning, and nobody died! that's all i can really ask for. here's me and my sister looking at a big quilt at the 1940 Air Terminal Museum

phil went to the emergency vet sunday afternoon bc her spay site was looking Gnarly. she either has an infection or a reaction to her sutures but the treatment is the same either way. the emergency vet said we could probably skip our normal vet visit on friday but, given that we discover a new problem every time we go to the vet, we will be keeping that appointment. all recent pics of her are smushed up on my lap at a goofy angle. have a pic of mackaroni and beans

[route-to-eutopia-if]

So I finished demo and I need to say I really love the world building and I can tell how much effort has been put into these little details. It’s really immersive like I was watching a movie where I can control what the main character doing.

I have a question about Jeremiah. What being a Sage in this world mean? He can heal people? Or it is like a priest?

also is the secret RO in the room with us👀👀

“He can heal people.” Why did I just have a PTSD of a certain fps game character with a black ponytail with the exact same name?

But the funny thing is, Jeremiah can heal people. Only because of his exceptional knowledge of course.

About the Sage thing :

Sages in Eutopia act like the consultants who you can rely on which are different to the Deans in Regency system who work directly to the Parliament (which MC’s father serves as the president) and only kept to themselves (Deans are court officials, the Sages are not.). I might need to bring out the infographic about bicameralism real soon if anyone’s interested in Eutopia’s politics (it is not a center of focus yet, however, there will be a route where politics can be one of the main themes.)

Does a Sage equal a priest irl?

Now if we compare a priest with a Sage, the picture is quite a resemblance you could say it’s similar but a Sage doesn’t act relatively on a profound belief/religious instruction of some sort. Only pure knowledge and deductions, you could say they are scholars/scientists/innovators/specialists of something. (Not all Sages are scientists but all scientists are called Sages. If that makes sense.) Just so you know tho Sages are just citizens who happen to be clever than other people. They hold no authority over others.

Jeremiah looks more important simply because of his number of years, and his close relationship with Bastien—who later became the current president—and entrusted him to take care of his child and some other matters both personal and in general.

Jeremiah will not involve in politics, however, that isn’t what he wishes to be a part of (no matter how much he’s already involved by associating with Bastien.). He hates aristocracy. Regency system most especially.

Eutopia is a society where everyone is held at face value. Everyone wants to be important (and feel important) and helps society to progress so the education system is highly competitive and focused on mastering several studies to an expert level in a short amount of time. In the parliament’s pov, a life of a Sage is worth than a hopeless child’s. Because of the knowledge they hold.

I hope that answer your question about Jeremiah.

For the other question, I will say this : All ROs already been mentioned at least once in the first update. And once they physically show up you would know right away they are the secret RO.

[majorbaby]

decided it was as good a night as any to watch MASH (1970). i was going to take detailed notes the way i've been doing during my current rewatch of MASH (TV) but the purpose of that has been so i have stuff to refer back to when creating fanwork. about halfway through the watch i decided it wasn't worth all of that, but i did still make some notes about what i liked and didn't.

the bad

i'm starting with the bad because it had a really big effect on my experience of watching this movie. no need for bullets because it's the one thing, but the one thing is really bad: the misogyny. given, i have a very weak stomach for sexual violence on screen, particularly against women, but like, under no circumstances would i recommend this movie to anyone without a very heavy-handed content warning.

i'd been forewarned against it but i still underestimated how bad it would be. it was cruel and it left such a bad taste in my mouth i don't think i can rewatch, and if i ever do, i'd skip the offending scenes.

don't be fooled by the number of things on my "good" list. i'd trade 'em all for there to be less of the bad.

the good

genuinely touching opening credits. the MASH theme is immortal. beautiful shots of the compound. i'm gushing about it because i've worked in editing/motion graphics and i love a solid title sequence, this is one of the best i've ever seen

this movie hates christianity in general, but distinguishes catholicism from protestantism. i thought that was interesting considering MASH (TV)'s Frank is prejudiced against Catholics, something that is characteristic of a more rigid flavour of white supremacy that racializes people who would normally qualify as white (e.g. Italian and Irish Catholics). pointing out the difference tells me this movie is aware of evangelical christianity being the chief religious influence on American public policy, including foreign policy

this movie really hates the army, it could just stand to do better at hating the ideologies that prop up the army as well

hawkeye will call any man "babe" or "baby"

trapper john and his mysterious parka of assorted sundries

that's another thing. this movie is really gay, which does not absolve it of its sins

"Captain Pierce, did you call me?" "No, my name is Hawkeye"

Mclean's Henry Blake is way more likeable than movie Henry Blake, but the similarities are all there

i need to talk about the tone of this movie. so going back to the title sequence, part of the reason i like it so much is because it perfectly establishes the tone of the entire movie. larry gelbart once said that the title sequence to MASH (TV) "prepares you for what you are about to watch" and while I agree with that statement completely, I think it's doubly true of its film counterpart. there's this melancholy feeling that persists throughout the whole movie. kind of depressing tbh, despite how boisterous and silly the events on screen can get. there's a lot of mood lighting, quiet conversations. outside it's eternally overcast. when i think of it and compare it to MASH (TV) I understand why Robert Altman hated the show so much. tonally, it's completely different. when you hear the japanese cover of "happy days are here again" in the movie, it feels especially ironic, rather than lighthearted as it can be on MASH (TV). "my blue heaven" sounds even darker. but inspite of the gloom that pervades the movie, it's never quite as tragic as the objectively tragic moments on MASH (Bless You Hawkeye, GFA, Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, Guerilla My Dreams etc). the ending really nails that sad, but not too sad vibe.

once again, oliver jones is the hottest surgeon at the 4077th

elliott gould is a close second

trapper and hawkeye are in love... to everyone's peril. gay wrongs. so many gay wrongs in this movie.

did you think i was done talking about how in love trapper and hawkeye are in this? hawkeye, trapper and duke are supposed to be something of a trio in this movie, but as soon as trapper arrives duke is third-wheeling constantly. hawkeye says to trapper when he meets him, "do i know you from somewhere?" and a slow smile spreads across trapper's face later, while tossing around a football, hawkeye catches a pass from trapper and recognizes him by it as trapper does a slow walk towards hawkeye with his hands in my pockets good god, be still my piercintyre loving heart: trapper: [describing a pass] lucky your mouth wasn’t open or it would’ve got stuck in your throat hawkeye: baby! why it’s trapper john mcintyre!

we are never having the casual sex on MASH debate ever again, hawkeye settled it in this movie: (the) lieutenant dish: hawkeye, you have to remember, i’m married hawkeye: i’m married. i’m happy. i love my wife. if she was here, i’d be with her dish: i’m very happily married hawkeye: there is no question to loving anybody, it is a question of only helping.

[barfok]

The Nord demons are all put into an escape room together, how long does it take for them to escape? (No thu'um use allowed, also not allowed to murder each other)

oh god. I don't know that you can both have no thu'um and no mutual murder. like im genuinely struggling to imagine how you get these five into the same room without them immediately attacking each other like feral cats. let alone working together to solve a problem. anyways

first five minutes bhag escapes, because the other bhag has taken over the loudspeaker person and delivered encoded instructions about the exit. nobody else notices this, they're too busy arguing about whether they should play along with this tomfoolery. hoag launches an opening silo by berating the person on the loudspeaker to show some respect to his sovereign and let hoag through. given that the person on the loudspeaker is now bhag, this has no effect. chemua is texting dres khizumet'e about this nonsense and pretending not to participate. meanwhile barfok has acquiesced to her situation and is taking advantage of the haunted mansion theme by hosting a small dinner party for herself and ysmir in the blood spattered dining room.

as his appeal to his own authority fails, hoag resorts to berating his coworkers for their failure to escape this nefarious trap, insulting them each individually including bhag who has not been in the room for over ten minutes now. ysmir is sipping a little cup of tea and chemua is making khizumet'e google escape room solutions for him with increasing anxiety. barfok falls into the trap of arguing point by point with hoags assessment of their various character flaws

by half an hour bhag gets bored and let's himself back into the room. chemua is on facetime with khizu showing him random objects while khizu feeds him progressively more ridiculous escape suggestions. hoag and barfok are still arguing, but somehow hoag has sat down for dinner and ysmir is distributing the appetisers. bhag joins them for their meal and ysmir gives him a little quiche. the topic turns to modern imperial politics and hoag begins expounding a new theory on the theological justification for alessian oppression, which barfok is actually quite interested in

forty five minutes in, the main course has been served from god knows where. bread and beef stew, a hearty classic. just as everyone tucks in, chemua locates the fire exit. pulling the fire alarm has the predictable effect: the door swings open and the four other nord demons tear him to shreds verbally for interrupting dinner. bhag gets up and locks the door before anyone can make an escape, and chemua is forced to sit down and enjoy dinner with the rest of them. hoag has really gotten the ball rolling on parallels between alessianism and altmeri theocracy, everyone is quite impressed with his knowledge on the topic. ysmir politely holds up chemuas phone so khizu can participate in dinner. khizumet'e offers an insightful contribution concerning the religious views of the black marsh ayleid. the fire alarm continues to blare

one hour and fifteen mintues in jurgen arrives along with the fire department. the employee bhag replaced finally woke up and freed himself from the closet. the nord demons have just wrapped up dinner and are arguing aggressively about why their ancestors failed to conquer black marsh and whether that makes their ancestors weak, khizumet'e is winning this argument but that's about to change because chemua's phone is on two percent and hoag is threatening to smash it against the wall. everyone immediately tries to get jurgen to weigh in and decide on the argument's winner, but jurgen just asks why they're all so stupid that they can't solve an escape room, and now they're all at each other's throats over something else entirely, and jurgen has been officially enmeshed in the fray.

this all ends when bhag 2 emerges from his hiding spot in the staff room and turns on the sprinklers. the nord demons are scattered in a chorus of hissing. chemua's phone is ruined and they are banned from every escape room in the country

[woodsfae]

B5 S03E04: Passing Through Gethsemane table of contents • previous episode

What an acrimonious ecclesiastical chess game. Oh, are these the techy monks? I kinda forgot about them. idk what the little sculpture was. It looked like glass, but if so, he's using some 23rd c advanced tech or something! 

Lyta's back! And she traveled in a Vorlon's ship! Hope they didn't drive her as mad as Jack the Ripper. A pretty badass story! She really committed to getting to Vorlon space, and they really almost let her die! Or actually did let her die? The PsiCorps havwe that freaky zombie protocol. 

Well, either a black rose has changed omnious meaning in the last few hundred years, so that monk guy is absolutely about to get whacked. Shuffled unwillingly off the mortal coil. On vacation with the space whales.  

Blegh, speaking of the psicorps zombie protocols! That isn't exactly a humane option. If human rights aren't human rights for everyone, then anyone can be stripped of their rights. 

Dr Franklin has a diagnosis for Lyta: In better than tip top condition. Some of her chronic and/or genetic conditions have been mysteriously cured. Idk if this is support for the Zombie Lyta theory, but it does suggest that the Vorlons have high levels of human-medical tech. Panaceas have been such a reoccuring theme and I'm interested to see where they take it. Lyta is the only example of someone who has had a full, medical glow-up. 

Yeah, fuck off Londo! He's such a slimy toerag. He can stop anytime, but nooooo. 

To Minbari, "the soul is a nonlocalized phenomenon," perceptible through physical form and sentient people, but are actual little thinking fragments of the universal intelligence, trying to understand itself. It really is a fascinating idea. It reinds me of something I've seen, "we are collections of atoms trying to understand ourselves."

It's relatively similar to gnosticism. 

Lennier is a nerd for Valen! Whatg a nice meeting. The monk is definitely dying now, right? Oh maybe he'll be tormented by hallucinations awhile first. Or pehaps a telepathic projection? It does seem to be leaning towards the high fantasy side of B5, I guess. Not so into the monks, but the experimental flashbacks and inexplicable visions are pretty entertaining. 

Ahhh, he's one of the mind-wiped murderers. HAH. I wonder if all the monks are murderers. It'd track for western society. The abbot fellow says the order is legit, but they only question the applicants about their beliefs. Coding murderers into genuinely philanthropic and ascetic monk wanna-bes...it's legitimately more humane than I thought it would be. Still horrific, but I expected they'd be like, barracksed and do dangerous, menial work, not be random monks having traumatizing flashbacks they can't process. 

Huh. He was a serial killer, and the facility where he was burned down and all his records were lost, he was presumed dead. So this isn't a normal situation for one of these wipe-ees. They're ...pretty good? at implaning new personalities? He's trying really hard to process this new self-knowledge through his theological bent. But I suppose he might have killed people with a theological bent, too. 

ooooooOOOooo. Someone triggered Brother Edward slash Charlie! Is it Lyta? Vorlons love fucking around with people's heads, particularly serial killers and religious fanatics. 

Oh dang! His victims' relations? They're pretty pissy, which is fair, but it's too bad they don't recognize that what was done to him is also heinous. 

But what's this?Lyta with a steel chair? I mean, an un-Psi-Corps-sanctioned mental assault! 

lolol, even with Lyta's dubiously legal activities, the monks found him first. It was pretty yoked of Bruce Boxleitner to singlehandedly lift him down. 

"I always wondered if I would have the courage to stay and wait in the Garden of Gethsemane...now I know. Now I know."

well, that's normal religious trauma. Every evangelical kids I knew wondered that and worried they were less able to face suffering than Jesus, hah! But his deathbed worries about salvation are also super christian culture, which is so funny since xtians literally invented the Get Out of Hell Free card. repentance. like, I saw that loophole as a kid. Just pray dear jesus I'm sorry on your deathbed! Moral condundrum solved. 

Love Lyta and Susan interacting! I was bummed when Lyta didn't make it onto the show from The Gathering, and although I'm desperately curious as to when Talia comes back (they haven't kissed yet!! There's whump to be had, I can tell!), it is great to have Lyta around. Especially since she's liberated telepath who don't care for no Psi Rules. 

Ooooh, Lyta gills reveal. That a new feature? hah.

Dr Franklin: Well, everything that was ever wrong with you has been fixed. Oh, it says you have gills now? Well, that can't be right. Never mind. /s

Well, christian episodes gonna christian. not my favorite, though I enjoy the lore and the Psi horror. And directed by Adam Nimoy! I did not see that one coming. And quite heavy handed, though I guess they were writing for an adult populations with a lot more lead poisoning than we typically see now.

oooh, big plot!

[littledreamling]

Ten Books To Know Me

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

I’m considering myself tagged by @that-banhus and @fancy-rock-dove!! I sadly suffer from Gifted Kid Burnout Syndrome currently engaged in a very time-consuming course of study which means I haven’t read a single book from cover to cover in about two years (and I stayed in the YA genre for far too long because it’s easy brain candy) so I’m sorry to say that none of mine will be fancy or sophisticated or longer than about 300 pages. Nonetheless, I enjoyed reminiscing back on some of my childhood favorites that shaped me and some of the series that sustained me throughout my life since!

The DragonKeeper Chronicles Series by Donita K. Paul - I wasn’t raised religiously but I devoured these books like there was no tomorrow. I adored Kale and Bardon and Dar and their whole host of dragon friends (Wizard Fenworth my beloved). If you can stomach or ignore the fairly obvious Christian themes, I highly recommend them for a bit of brain candy.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley - this was the first classic book I ever read and it captivated me endlessly. It was the only school book I actually finished and enjoyed. Stories within stories, creator vs creation, voyages that you undertake knowing that you can never go home, this book has it all.

The All For The Game Series by Nora Sakavic - this series comes with a pretty heavy trigger warning for anyone interested in reading it. Centered around a made up sport and a kid on the run from the mafia, it’s dark and intense and drew me in like no other series ever has. Fans of the series will often proudly proclaim that the books make no sense, that the made up sport is confusing at best (absolutely incomprehensible at worst), and that not enough trigger warnings in the world will prepare you for what you’re about to dive into and I fully endorse all three statements. I also fully believe that these books helped me revolutionize how I view relationships between traumatized people (relationships that may not seem healthy to those not involved but are built on a strong foundation of trust and consent), how a good story should end, and showed how healing looks different for everyone. It’s not a book series I recommend lightly but I wholeheartedly recommend it. Proceed with caution.

Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo - I couldn’t ever get invested in the Shadow and Bone series, but I couldn’t put SoC down. Even now, I can’t explain why it enthralled me so much except to say… morally grey characters are hot, no matter what gender they are 👀

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater - rounding out the trio of book series that are often mentioned in the same breath (AFTG, SoC, and TRC), The Raven Cycle is a fabulous series centering around four rich boys and the girl who had always been taught to hate them. There’s magic and prophecies and car racing and an enchanted forest and ghosts. It’s a very rich story so every read-through gives up more secrets than the last time you flipped through it.

The Genome Odyssey by Euan Angus Ashley - A sharp veering turn from the previous books, this book helped to shape my passion in my (hopefully) future career. It tells the story of the genome, from its discovery to present day, and how it’s been used to diagnose previously unheard of and incurable genetic diseases, saving countless lives in the process. The author personally worked on every project detailed in the book and every chapter packed such an emotional punch that I had to put it down several times. A must-read if you need to be reminded just how good humanity can be.

The Martian by Andy Weir - This is a relatively recent addition to my ‘favorite books’ shelf but I read this like my life depended on it. I laughed, I cried, and my faith in humanity was restored. I was raised with the same style of dry wit and dark humor that the main character uses to keep his hopes and spirits up while trapped on Mars so reading his inner thoughts often felt like I was catching a glimpse into my own head. I know I’m late to the bandwagon but better late than never. A fantastic book that deserves a reread in the near future (as soon as I have time 😅)

Razorblade Tears by S. A. Cosby - When a queer couple is killed, their homophobic ex-con fathers meet at the funeral and vow to find who killed their sons. Over the course of their journey for revenge, they start to better understand their sons, each other, and themselves. A book about healing overcoming repression and toxic masculinity.

Redwall by Brian Jacques - an oldie but a goodie. Oh to be a small mouse eating fresh-caught fish and defending your abbey against rats. Every single detail of this story was so masterfully laid-out and described. Reading the first scene never fails to make me hungry and the entire book sweeps you away from beginning to end.

Where Hope Comes From by Nikita Gill - I had to sprinkle in some poetry to the list. This is an anthology of poems written during the Covid lockdown detailing the author’s struggle with despair and eventually finding hope again, even in the most mundane of scenarios. It carries a strong message of positivity while stressing the importance of allowing yourself to feel “negative” emotions too. An excellent read for any poetry fans open to free verse or anyone struggling with their own despair.

As always, I’m not sure who to tag so I’m throwing it open to @aquilathefighter, @virgo-dream, @mathomhouse-e, @ladymegana, and the rest of the Dreamling Nation server! Please tag me, I need book recs!

[salt-cedar]

Shadow and Bone 2 is bad. In a way that is predictable but still puzzling to me. I blame it on writing/producing decisions. I get it that Six of Crows is more popular, and for good reasons too, I've read both installments and agree that SoC is superior. And I also agree that fusing two plotlines was a good idea because it made the whole show so much more lively and interesting than it could be as a word-for-word adaptation of just Alina's journey. HOWEVER. I also didn't find Alina's books completely awful and honestly enjoyed them as they are. It seems to me that if you as a creator adapt and fuse two stories it is... poor taste to focus on one of them and do such sloppy work with the first one. And it is sloppy, even more evidently so because we have the Crows plotline(s) for comparison.

My issue that while I see some weird and rushed choices with the Crows plotline(s), major events, themes and characters themselves stay true to the book. The first season was honestly a testament to how an adaptation can be good even with significant changes to the plot if characters and themes stay intact. That is not what they did to Alina's line this season at all. The problem is not that the events and endings are changed but that zero of the book themes are carried into adaptation and that most of the characters are unrecognizable. (Alina and Mal deciding to take a break after the last battle? Alina in a 3 feet high bejewelled crown? Tolya and Tamar without exploring the religious fanaticism? Mal without his "I am become a blade" era? No optics and physics 101 from David? ???) That bothers me even more than the change in magical ending because at this point you could have given these characters different names and it would feel like only a slight plagiarism of Bardugo's books.

The ending made sense in the source material because it was built on 3 books developing certain themes that were not present on the show at all. It would be really weird to keep the book ending without those themes. But I also wonder why are they not present. You may say that they are a bit grim, sure, but you can't say that SoC is not grim at all, so why not?

I know by now that it was rushed because Netflix wouldn't make full 3 seasons of SaB but they really want to squeeze out all the spin-off they can. Come on, anyone with a brain will tell you that the readers will wait and then devour the Six of Crows storyline when it comes. Netflix are fools if they are not going to greenlight it (then again, they are…) That's not an excuse to sideline the SaB storyline and characters like they did. It's kind of offensive to the audience to be so obviously careless with the material because you know it won't bring you more money. Why are you in the creative field if you hate this work so much that you will put an ounce of thought into something only if it promises you more money in the future, in addition to the salary that you are already making?

Not to mention that the botched Alina line fucks up the potential spin-off material too. Why on Earth, if you know about the popularity of Zoyalai, leave no room for that in Nikolai's ending? Why leave Nikolai and Alina engaged???? Why make up some sort of feelings on Nikolai's side when in the books it was clear that they just vibe together as good friends, no more than that? And even outside of that the adaptation doesn't do justice to Nikolai's character. I'm sorry, the casting is good and all but because of the writing the character doesn't come out nearly as intelligent, cunning, charming and driven as he is in the books. I suspect that because this onscreen niche is fully occupied by Kaz Brekker, and we circle back to the producers' desire to absolutely pimp out SoC. But they could, you know, hype up Nikolai some more in hopes of milking out his spin-off too. More money for everyone, yay...?

[skrunklyartblog]

External Visit 2/2

A Trip to The Basement Arts Project

Basement Arts Project 

As a cohort we were able to explore the contemporary art infused in the city of Leeds. By visiting locations such as The Basement Art Project, I was able to extend my understandings of the fundamentals of contemporary art from an area I had never journeyed to before. 

The structure of this blog entry will explore the contemporary art visited, and then draw to a final conclusion on how the exposure of these topics has developed my personal understanding of contemporary art in the modern world. 

The Basement Arts Project 

Outdoor Exhibition 

The Basement Art Project tour was led by Bruce Davis, homeowner of the basement (and the attached house) .The outdoor sculpture we were first introduced to in our trip was named ‘Jacobs Ladder’ by artist Keith Ackerman, drawing reference to a bridging of heaven and Earth, found in religious scriptures such as the Bible and Qur'an, more information on this sculpture can be found HERE .  

A key element that Bruce had emphasised in the significance of this piece was the engagement with the public, anyone was welcome to interact and contribute to the piece; this promotes a more open relationship with a community that is not as immersed in the arts. 

The influence this would have on a less economically or socially advantaged area would provide the inhabitants something to show regional pride with, I believe that the influence that this immersion can have on people who live locally is vastly more significant than that of tourists, as to have a constant reaffirming structure to add a further positive depth in a less advantaged area really boosts morale. Thinking back to the immediate region around the home I grew up in where there were no public artistic expressions, and the majority of public spaces like parks felt unwelcoming and antisocial to myself and others, I can understand how to know there is something to engage with that encompasses everyone would brighten the general atmosphere. 

Next in our tour we had the opportunity to view work by artist Loane Bobillier, whose work can be found HERE, below is an image taken from her exhibition ‘Nature vs Nurture’. 

Bruce allowing young art students to have accessible spaces to exhibit their art reaffirms prior ideas of allowing those without connections, wealth or privilege to garner experience in the arts. 

By bringing art into his home, not only does this provide unique atmosphere and tone, but also an interpersonal connection between host and artist. In more ‘credible’ establishments, such as national or regional galleries, there can often be a disconnect between the two, so to be able to communicate key themes, ideas, goals and aspirations, both the physical environment and the marketing of the artists work can be more catered to the artists vision and intent. 

Another asset to the location was how Bruce had explained the inclusion of his family into his interests, his children having a part in the lives and works of the artists and having exposure to that environment in my opinion is flattering to a young mind in an ever evolving artistic community. Although this experience is a unique one, I believe the later life impact it will have on those children will allow them a more ingrained perspective in many different aspects of society, and if this practice were to be more wide spread, how the next generation interact with creativity and teamwork will only strengthen. 

The theme of the exhibition of Bobillers’ was her experience through her life in moving through different countries, and how each one demanded a new set of rules and ways of life that she never had the time to assimilate to. The way in which she embodied these emotions was by repeating this sphere and cube motif with organic or hyper-inorganic materials. Through experimentation she had felt that no matter what texture, surface or composition these objects were placed in, they always stuck out or felt disjointed with their surroundings. 

Through her use of medium, aided with her own explanation about the representation of her work and the life journey she had undertaken to reach these ideas, I felt that through this tour I was able to understand more on the nature of installation art. 

To Conclude, installation art was originally a topic I was unfamiliar with, first approaching works by artists like Duchamp I felt a disconnect between installation work and an individual personal experience, believing it was more catered towards having its’ own interpretation per viewer. Although this could be said for the work of Bobiller, I believe through hearing her personal experience and how this manifested into the work she produced, the human connection between artist and work had been established in this medium. Following this, when reading on the work and influence of Louise Bourgeois, I felt again this connection, and I think that through this exploration I am able to access the artists personal tone in the work rather than seeing all installation as a general and flexible metaphor. 

[copperhawks]

I'm almost inclined to do a whole SOTL re-read just to look at Jon's stuff because I get the inkling that a lot of the decisions Jon makes later in life that people hate so much are a direct result of Jon trying to make up for mistakes he himself made when he was younger or problems he had to deal with as a young king due to mistakes his parents made.

I feel like one of the more interesting themes in Kel's series is this idea that leadership requires compromise and that sometimes compromise can feel unfair (and BE unfair) even if it's the best option available. This theme is almost exclusively given to us through Kel and Jon's dynamic.

But that applies to Kalasin's situation, too. In the interview Tamora Pierce gave where she explains what happened with Kalasin wanting to be a Knight, she's pretty quick to defend Jon's choice. It's not even like Jon is unwilling to make compromises with Kally herself, either, or like he's not making arranged marriages for anyone except Kalasin. Roald obviously ends up in an arranged marriage and both of Jon's younger sons are supposed to be in arranged marriages, too. I couldn't find anything about Lianne, but we can assume that an arranged marriage is in the works for her, as well. The only one who gets out of it is the youngest child who decides to join a convent basically (she's the youngest which makes her the least valuable from an arranged marriage perspective and it nets him a connection with the religious group she joins which is still helpful politically).

Pierce mentions that Jon notices that part of the reason his children are growing up during a LOT of conflicts is because he never made any political allies through an arranged marriage to another country, so he's attempting to fix that problem by ensuring all of his children's marriages help secure allies and peace treaties. He feels like his parents failed him by not doing this for him, and he makes sure his own children are aware of this expectation very young so that they're prepared.

So while it's certainly got an element of being unfair to it, it isn't necessarily the wrong choice for him to make. It isn't even a bad choice for him to make AS A FATHER, either. His children will inherit certain responsibilities no matter what, and as their father, it's his job to try to make sure they understand that. He's also arguably doing his best to make sure his children can inherit a PEACEFUL kingdom rather than the political mess he was handed by his own father that he will likely have to spend most of if not all of his life having to clean up. Jon's responsibilities as a father are going to look different than, say, Kel's father's responsibilities. Even among the nobility we know that there are other people who have to have arranged marriages in order to help their families and the people they're responsible for (like Cleon, who marries a girl with money after his people are devastated). Jon's choices are protecting his children and grandchildren the way his own father's choices placed him and his family in danger.

Yes, it sucks, it's unfair that this is the way their world works. But that doesn't have to mean that Jon is completely wrong for making the choices he does, either, or that he's a bad person and a bad father because of those choices. Jon is often making the best choices it is possible for him to make with the situation he is in and the resources he has available, but sometimes he has to compromise which can end up feeling unfair to the other people involved. Removing that nuance from the story, both in Kel's case and in Kalasin's, removes a lot of what makes the story and the characters more interesting. Like I mentioned with Kel in the initial analysis, Kel ends up emulating this leadership style a LOT when she goes to Haven and talks a lot about how the job means trying to please everyone and actually pleasing no one and how much it sucks. In particular, she hates the way the convicts are often treated, but if she comes down too hard on the sergeants who mistreat them for every little thing she dislikes, all it will do is turn them against her and she does not have the resources to spare for that, so she has to let some of it slide in other to have enough authority for bigger problems later. Does she hate it? Yes. Is she still going to do it? Yes. Is this all that different from Jon having to concede to Wyldon about the probation year in order to keep his conservative nobles from revolting? No.

But I rarely hear anybody talk about how Kel, who spent all four of her page years and some of her squire years waging war against any form of bullying, has to allow these sergeants to be bullies sometimes because she can no longer afford to make enemies out of everyone she dislikes in this situation.

Jon doesn't LIKE having to force Kel to do a probation year or having to force Alanna to stay away from Kel, any more than Kel likes having to let some of her sergeants' mistreatment of the convicts slide, but they both do it anyway because they feel like it's the best use of their resources at the time. We can assume from this pattern that Jon probably doesn't LIKE having to say no to Kally's desire to be a knight and hates how unfair the world is to put him and his daughter in this situation, but if he doesn't, it could cause bigger issues that he's trying to avoid. Removing the nuance of the situation and denouncing Jon as a bad person and a bad father for making this choice goes against a lot of the most interesting themes in Kel's series about what leadership means and what it requires of you sometimes.

The funniest thing to me about Kel, and maybe one of the most interesting because of how understated it is, is that Kel becomes a good commander in the end, not by emulating Wyldon who was cold and implacable and insensitive, or by emulating Raoul who mostly only disobeys orders out of principle or because he has an issue with what the order says about his personal relationship with Jon, but by emulating JON.

Kel doesn't even LIKE Jon, she BARELY respects him as a person. He's a good enough ruler that she's willing to fight for him and swear loyalty to him and to at least mostly believe that he wouldn't work with Blayce to make his own killing monsters, but that's as far as it goes for Kel. If he's kind to her, she finds it uncomfortable and almost untrustworthy because she assumes he doesn't care about her and so his kindness and respect towards her must be fake.

But from the outside, as readers, we know just how much Jon fought for Kel. We know how much he does respect her right to be a knight. Jon is the sole reason that Kel DID get the opportunity to prove herself, if he'd capitulated to Wyldon completely, she just wouldn't have ever been allowed to join. Kel doesn't KNOW THAT, obviously, but we do. We know that Jon did everything he could to find a way to convince Wyldon to let Kel become a page. While Wyldon claims later that the reason he chose to let her stay at the end of the probation year was because his better judgment convinced him she'd earned it, I'd be willing to bet that part of that better judgment also included knowing if he couldn't prove to JON that she needed to go, then he'd be in trouble. Kel was training and working in front of plenty of other trainers and teachers who could easily contradict Wyldon's lies if he'd tried it, many of whom are closer to Jon than they are to Wyldon.

Kel's experiences and feelings about that experience are entirely valid, and she doesn't have the knowledge we do about how hard Jon fought for her, so it's not shocking that she's upset with him for a good portion of her series. She never even discovers this truth by the end of her series, even though she does get a lesson from Jon and Thayet (and Raoul to some degree) about how politics and compromises work in order to make changes happen. So her opinion of him by the end is boiled down to the quote from Squire: "good kings weren't always good men." It makes sense for her to think this, but because Kel's knowledge base is so limited (and her worldview so black and white for much of her series), it makes her an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator about this particular issue.

Kel believes that while Jon generally does his duty and keeps the peace, he doesn't actually care all that much about his people as individuals. But in their only meaningful conversation in Squire, Jon is able to point out that he (and Thayet, who is actually equal to Jon in power, something Kel either doesn't know which would be a failure in her education or just tends to ignore so she can focus her ire on Jon) has to make a LOT of compromises in order to get ANYTHING useful done at all. Sometimes, often, it means making deals with people he doesn't like or people he just fundamentally disagrees with, because it's the first step in a multi-step plan to help more people in the long run. He also points out that just throwing his weight and authority around in order to be able to change everything he wants to change immediately regardless of what anyone else thinks about it is a great way to get himself and his family killed. Because even if he had good intentions, that would be tyranny. It does make Kel think a little, but she doesn't tend to like him much still afterwards, her resentment from her page years will always color her opinion of him a little.

However, then she gets to Haven and she's suddenly tossed into a position of leadership over a lot of other people, many of whom disagree with each other or disagree with her or both. And all of the sudden, Kel has to make compromises. She doesn't LIKE the way the sergeants often treat their men, especially the sergeants whose men are convicts, but there's very very little she can do about it without really pissing off those same sergeants and that's not something she can afford to do. There's a moment when Neal starts getting frustrated about the treatment of the convicts and she takes him out to vent to her so he doesn't vent to the sergeants, something that the sergeants would then take out on their men. Kel's reasoning as she does this is that she "preferred to avoid battles with them now so she would have authority with them later if she needed to use it." Later, Kel is talking to Daine and she says "That's all this job is... Trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. And it will only get worse, not better."

Both of these moments showcase Kel choosing to make compromises. She may not like the way the sergeants treat the convicts, but she needs to stay on the sergeants' good sides because she doesn't have enough resources to butt heads with them nor enough authority to just force the issue, and even if she DID, it could cause the sergeants to become troublesome or take out their frustration with her on the men in ways she can't see as well. But staying on the sergeants' good sides might mean letting some of their maltreatment slide if it's not physically harming the convicts. And even setting that aside, she's dealing with nearly 500 refugees eventually, all of which are from different towns in the area and have different needs, not all of which she can accommodate. This requires compromise. Sometimes she can please some of them and not others, but mostly she probably just ends up not pleasing anybody because that's often how compromises WORK.

She never makes the active connection to Jon and his lesson on leadership from Squire while she's in Haven, but that quote up there about how this job (aka being a commander) is all about trying to please everyone and pleasing no one? It sounds a HECK of a lot like "good kings weren't always good men." You can try your best to help others, but often doing the right thing can involve making everyone unhappy. You can't be everybody's friend if you're going to get anything done.

Some of this she might've learned from Raoul's style of command, but Raoul commands a fairly small amount of people (at least in comparison to a King), and so we see him able to be pretty friendly to the people he commands in a way that Jon is perhaps unable to do. And she might believe that she learned some of this from Wyldon, but Wyldon had a tendency to be very unfair and biased due to his raging bigotry and conservative values, as well as the fact that he doesn't actually even LIKE being a training master and that likely impacted the way he treated the pages (he's almost never that kind to the pages, whereas we see him capable of being quite kind with the refugees later, which is where Kel comes to the conclusion that he hadn't enjoyed being a training master).

But Jon makes an entire speech about how he (and Thayet) have been working THEIR ENTIRE REIGN to change laws that help people. He explains how they have to consider the needs of merchants, nobles, farmers, street people, priests/priestesses, and mages. They have to consider not only what these people might need or want, but also what they could do when they feel sufficiently offended and how that could impact not just the royal family or the nobility but the realm as a whole. Jon points out that they HAVE made changes, for the better, and that just because they don't always succeed at everything or because they have to compromise sometimes, doesn't mean they aren't working at making changes or that they don't care about helping people. Not everyone you have power over is going to be your friend, they might not even be someone you like. But if you're going to take on the job of leadership, that's something you have to be willing to accept and work with, which often means making compromises with people whose needs and values are contradictory to your own.

Jon probably knows when he makes the compromise with Wyldon that it will likely impact a lot of people's good opinion of him. Alanna is right there and clearly angry, and we know Thayet doesn't like the decision, either. And it's entirely possible that Jon knows in the moment that Kel herself will put the blame on him because he's the King. But he also knows that if he insists on Kel being allowed to be a page without trying to compromise with Wyldon, Wyldon will quit over it and he'll end up with ten DIFFERENT problems that could cause a lot bigger issues to far more people than just one girl. So he makes the compromise. He sacrifices Alanna and Thayet and even Kel's good opinion of him in order to ensure that Kel gets the opportunity to become a Knight without turning all of his nobles against him which could ultimately lead to a civil war. Is it fair? No, and he knows it. But it's the best option he has in order to get the outcome they all actually want which is just for Kel to have the chance to prove herself.

Kel has to make similar choices once she's finally in a position of leadership of her own. And whether she realizes it or not, without ever even spending more than a few minutes with Jon, she ends up emulating his leadership style more than anybody else's because it WORKS and it works WELL. She'll probably never admit it, she might never even realize it herself, but she's so much more like Jon than any of the other men she sees as role models. And I love that. I love the dramatic irony of that, that the one person Kel only barely respects because of a compromise he made on her behalf that she'll never even know about, is the person Kel ends up most resembling. Jon is the reason she has the opportunity to become the Protector of the Small in the first place, Jon is the person who created that environment that allowed her to nurture those values, and she'll probably never even really be able to acknowledge that, because sometimes that's what being a good leader means.