#hey go to a doctor maybe
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its not normal to get tunnel vision when hungry???? wikipedia doesn't even list it as a possible cause... the closest thing is syncope (fainting) which i do feel close to every time i get dizzy and tunnel vision like that (aka presyncope)
and it's associated with intense emotions & high adrenaline, which feels vaguely familiar but doesn't explain why getting hungry would cause it
i'm starting to think that getting dizzy and brain fogged and other presyncope symptoms when hungry is also not normal.... certainly is very unhelpful in the obtaining the food process so it seems like it would be an evolutionary death sentence if everyone had it
gods i am so diseased
#my stuff#venty#i feel like i was let down by my peers in uni when i kept having this and nobody said#hey go to a doctor maybe#maybe its wrong to place the responsibility on them just because i grew up neglected and didnt know how to care for myself#but its very weird that ive had this for sooo many years and didnt even know its not. normal.#sometimes when my presyncope gets really bad i might hope to pass out so that maybe the problems will be real#but i never do#i only fainted once while going to the toilet at night many years ago
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It's racist, my dear, to be blunt. People come from outside, they think we're all witches and druids. For God's sake, child, you walked into a piece of string!
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userteri#userdiana#usertreena#miatendos#ruby sunday#enid meadows#roger ap gwilliam#*#this whole thing was just so interesting???#like supposedly the fairy circle meant nothing and mad jack is just a story they made up#but then where did the woman (who is definitely real and definitely supernatural in nature) come from.#what was she saying to people to make them afraid of RUBY. SPECIFICALLY.#why did they call her a HERALD to MAD JACK. then she was used to defeat roger. who by complete coincidence is also called mad jack.#(hey you know what else you could call a herald. perhaps... a prelude. maybe even... a harbinger)#how did ruby TURN INTO the woman when she (i have to assume) died of old age#AND MAYBE MOST IMPORTANTLY. IF OLD DEAD RUBY STOPPED THEM FROM BREAKING THE CIRCLE. WHICH STOPPED EVERYTHING ELSE.#THEN IS ROGER AP GWILLIAM NOT GOING TO REMAIN AS PRIME MINISTER IN 2046?????#or even though that timeline was erased did it still happen Enough for him to... lose? still resign but this time for no reason???#and WHY are we probably NEVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS#AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE DOCTOR FOR 70+ YEARS
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RTD: Fifteen is emotionally available :) fifteen, unlike past doctors, isn't afraid to talk about his feelings!!
Fifteen, nonchalantly shrugging off his whirlwind romance sacrificing himself to endless torture to save ruby sunday and the world, with a cheerful smile: I have to be like this because this is what I'm like.
#rtd what were you SMOKING#i love 15 but 'able to talk about his feelings' does NOT describe him#like. maybe when they're happy feelings#but otherwise?#literally giving 11 a run for his money on the emotional repression game#and that's HARD TO DO#yeah I'm happy. btw all my people are dead#my planet's gone#my friends are also dead and I'm alone in the universe :)#let's not talk about that! hey look at the thing doesn't it make you happy! I'm happy!! (what if I'm the bad luck?) tehe :)#gotta keep moving on! let's go!! ten seconds looking at the sunset is long enough!#ndw.2#dw#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#rogue#rogue spoilers#also all of the episodes#lavender thoughts
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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every day i wish that Rats SMP was a cartoon bc it would make the greatest show ever i think
#I've been watching Arietty and the Rescuers a lot lately;;;;;;;;;;;#i just think it would make the cutest fucking cartoon with the funniest plotlines#it would be so perfect#with the ensemble cast you can swap out characters as much as you need/want to#the different animals breaking into the house later in the series would make a fucking BANGER season 2#(like can you fucking imagine. season 2 pilot. theres a BADGER IN THE HOUSE NOW?)#they've even got a halloween special AND christmas special episode it's PERFECT#the whole first season could cover the rats getting used to the house and getting settled in#maybe the season 1 finale is the mum and others coming home#I would absolutely fucking want Owen to be played by David Tennant bc his tenth doctor voice gives me rat owen vibes#rats smp cartoon would be so so so good#cannot fucking WAIT for Rats In Paris#i have a whole scene in my head of like. that episode where Jimmy gets locked in a room all night and is miserable abt it 😭#where he's trapped in the room with the son and the boy is just chasing him around the room for hours#set to the song A Haunted House! from the totoro soundtrack#trying to catch jimmy in a little bug net#there's also this whole wild chase scene in my head with one of the cats chasing Owen Martyn and Scott and the janitor gets involved as well#set to Cat Chase from the Suzume soundtrack#i actually have a whole spotify playlist titled Rats SMP But As A Wholesome Kids Cartoon it has so many ghibli movie songs#(willing to share if anyone is curious i love sharing playlists)#i fucking LOVE imagining Hey Let's Go from the totoro opening credits as a Mitchiri-Neko style marching rats credits sequence#with each verse more characters join the march until all the animal guests and humans are there too#Do the Impossible from Chicory would make such a fucking cute anime style opening showing little clips of all the chaos of the house#i love this idea so goddamn much i fucking wish i could animate ;-;#i would infodump about this idea for hours if i had infinite tag space but alas. maximum of 30
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coworkers are fucking me over and corporate thinks I can’t do my job yeehaw healthcare worker things 💃
#nina rambles~✦#so I bounce around at this job I do patient care and I also do like medical records#im in charge of making sure that all the documents are in the patient charts#and part of that includes entering invoices and op-reports#a coworker STOLE THE INVOICES and so I couldn’t get those in#and then corporate sent an email like hey Nina why aren’t these scanned#idk man I physically don’t have them they’re off in this dudes pocket where ever the fuck he is#and they’re still getting on my ass for it like okay let me just manifest them#no I gotta wait till his dumbass coughs them up or I gotta wait days for another copy#I can’t do shit#and then op-notes are not done by me they’re done by the doctors#the doctors aren’t doing their op notes they’re choosing to go on vacations to Italy instead#and so corporate once again on my ass like where are the documents#I don’t fucking know maybe ask your doctors who are on the other side of the world right now#they do that shit not me#and now they’re like ‘your center is behind the others with the information’#i am physically unable to do anything#my hands are tied#get on the doctors ass for not finishing their work before going on vacation and get on my coworkers ass for stealing the shit I need#don’t get on me#if i get another email ima lose it
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i always say im able-bodied bc i feel like it best describes my General Lived Experience but i do have that like. thing in my legs where if i walk briskly for some distance (like 500 meters) i get this crushing pain in my whole lower legs which gets worse and worse if i keep walking until i eventually have to sit down for a few minutes and wait for it to go away. which im still trying to get diagnosed bc so far artery scans and muscle ultrasounds render nothing. and ngl it is like, an issue often enough and is a pretty bothersome thing when it happens (like not only bc its extremely painful but also having to find some place to sit down in the middle of the street and having to stay there a while isnt awesome) so im not entirely sure "able-bodied" fully describes me but i also am not sure its a disability bc we dont know wtf it is. so i guess im kind of in a weird inbetween where i err on the side of just assuming its not a disability and its just like, an annoying body thing..
#97#i guess if it happened every single day or something i would probably feel more confident identifying it as like....#idk some type of disability or at least something worth integrating into my definition of my general health#and ensuing relationship to my body to the medical system etc etc#but bc it only happens when i walk briskly for a bit and i dont even go out for a walk every day it doesnt feel worth mentioning#anyway ive had this since 2019 or 2018 lol but the first round of attempted diagnosing i gave up early#and for a few years i just ignored it which is easier when i dont get out a lot anyway#but im currently in the process of attempting to figure out what it is again..#by september ill know if its compartment syndrome which has been brought up but is apparently unlikely#thats the last exam were doing so. if its not that then ngl idk what the next options are#bc this was everything my doctor could think of to explain it#another thing abt it not being diagnosed and not clearly being a disability is i dont dare ask for a seat in public when i need one lol#which has been an issue a few times where every seat is taken but i REALLY need to sit to stop the pain#if i could say 'excuse me i have (x thing) i really need a seat' id maybe dare to ask#but i dont manage to just be like 'hey could i get a seat my legs hurt' lol
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(@transmasc-rose) Thinking about vampire Rose again. Yes the biting and biting and biting Nine is very good but how about cleaning up afterwards... All the pinprick (and not so pinprick) wounds and the blood that kept leaking after she let go...
yes plz be thinking about rose (<- no longer hungry and clear-headed now) having to patch the doctor up while he gives (poor) instructions how to while trying to think with a whole lot of blood loss.
#and maybe idk vampires have like. anaesthetic fun drugs in their fangs for biting to keep u calm and still. also he is working to#communicate through that. the doctor is bleeding heavily and high and rose is Not trained medically. this is laksjdlkajdkl#help sorry thought about this happening and jack (<- slept through this whole thing + unaware rose is a vampire for Reasons)#walking in on it like :D hey what's going- oh my god. D: and having to help patch the doctor up. he's marginally better at it than rose.#two heads better than one in the end.#anyway. very fun times for everyone#ask
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yarrow's fun bc he's a doctor bc he wants to help people but then you peel that back a little and the reason he wants to help people is bc he would want others to do the same for him, then you peel that back and realize it's in parts a manifestation of his inability to ask for help in outright as well as feeling like he has to be "worthy" of receiving "good things" (re: outsources his self worth on how much he can help others). so he doesn't ask for the things he wants/wants to see in the world, and instead gives and gives hoping that people will see what he's doing and be inspired to do the same, but he's doesn't communicate this to anyone so he's left perpetually feeling like he's giving more than he receives and that doesn't become an arrogant sort of "i'm better than anyone else" but instead warps into a "i must not be doing enough" that starts the cycle over again. and he's at least semi-aware of this and how it's probably slowly destroying him as well, but doesn't know any other way to be so he just. continues.
guy who asks via actions and not words except nobody knows that so he's constantly left wanting for more. i don't have a conclusion for this i just wanted to talk about them
#shit like this is why i have so much fun with p2 bc it's where a lot of their personal issues come into light bc of the absence of (much)#external conflict#it's worth noting that he IS compensated for his work as a doctor. sometimes in the form of money or a warm meal or an exchange of services#there's this whole thing where grimm's money paid off the rent on his house/clinic deal so he and the other doctor he apprenticed#under can afford to charge people less and operate more on a sort of 'pay what you can' basis#then the other doctor dies and yarrow's gotta take over everything. they get help but. it's. idk it's not complicated i just gotta tease#more of the specifics out of all that prolly. i've been operating under that scaffolding for the past ~year#and all that's not to say they absolutely can't ask for anything at all. they can be like 'hey can you take care of this while i have a#quick smoke break' with no issue. it's the whole 'how does one ask for kindness' of it all#yknow? maybe? am i just sounding insane? prolly#<going mad thinking abt the Running Themes in most of my work regardless of media#rambles#yarrow#and naturally this plays onto their whole deal with intimacy and sex and being 'stone' as well. bc of course
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... So my doctor answered my "more pills"-request with:
"Wow, your back still hurts despite not working a physically demanding job? How strange. This is totally new information for me."
I've been TELLING you that I've had this pain for six fucking years, been taking pills for five without side-effects, and I'd worked at my job for 1,5.
HOW IN THE FUCK?
#so instead of saying ''hey you know what. maybe i should call him up and talk more about this. maybe he knows something i don't.''#(like i asked her to. in case she had any questions.)#she instead goes ''i'm going to book you with a physiotherapist who can totally fix everything''#after all. it's not as if i could POSSIBLY have a genetic disease that causes me CHRONIC FUCKING PAIN.#she didn't even update my fucking recipe. this fucking doctor. i want to kick her down a flight of fucking stairs.#personal stuff
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More about the pretty consistent body pain thing that's happening, I'm not sure if something is actually wrong with me or if its just the affect of overworking myself for liiiiikkkke 6 years??? ( arguably also overworking nyself before that now that u thjnk about it but moreso te past 6 years )
yeahhh and then also before that I'd did marching band and like- did it knowing I didn't have great knees :/ hmm just thinking thoughts
Sorry for the rambles I just like to think aloud and it helps doing it somewhere public :/
#i should probably go to a doctor#but i know itll prpbably be fruitless anyway#theyll almost definitelt say its cause of my weight#which hey#maybe part of it IS#but i dont think that would just fix everhtjinf#i alrrady had trouble with my knees and cifculation in hs#AND BACK THEN I WAS SK ACTIVE#MARCHING BAND IS FUCKINF ACTIVE AS HELL#abd before that i did sports up until middle school#anyway-#i think also overworking nyself at a job and doing college#just may have made ir way worse#hmmm#thoughts#not a vent#genuinely just thinking things and writing them#and i need eomeone to observe cause i dont get answeds wtiting it on my own#urgh its frusttatint#i am in pain lile every day :/#sleeping situation is absolutely making it so much worse too#rambles#angel rambles#sory if you read this far#im hust thinking thoights
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actually you know whose reaction I'd be really curious about, potentially coming across fourteen in the shops? Francine!
#francine jones#martha jones#the doctor#dw#doctor who#the (second?) last time they saw each other she nodded to him#and i tend to interpret that as a mix of 'thank you for talking me down' 'hey we survived hell together' and 'thank goodness#martha is coming back to us and you and i both know it's the right thing even though i know you're a fucking mess too but also pls go'#not in the sense that martha was trapped with ten but that ten maybe Could have convinced her to stay potentially#or even just that francine was afraid that ten might do so/martha could possibly choose ten over them#also just that in some ways the jones fam saw the doctor and the master being An Terrifying Other Species moreso than most#there's that relief when martha comes back like they weren't sure she'd be walking back inside#so they dont end it on Bad terms technically#but also potentially... sees fourteen and it's a trigger? sees fourteen and is afraid for martha?#sees fourteen and assumes the end of the world is coming back? sees fourteen and is just... oh... hoped id never see you again#sees fourteen and it's an awkward british 'how have things been? good. you? yeah good. got a garden now. oh that's nice'#(was francine there when martha was on that joint call -- she was wasnt she?#i cannot remember if there's any Looks between them there that indicate how she feels about ten at that point)#anyway i think francine should've been in martha's final scene i think francine was the most important part of martha's life#that symbolised the ways that ten had affected that life#and seeing how francine potentially felt after end of time would have been such a strong indicator of how that story ended there#the tenth doctor#the fourteenth doctor#doctor who spoilers#dw spoilers
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My life will never be complete until I see more Bruce and Loki interactions.
#i feel like they became freinds on the statesman#and maybe bruce realised the whole mind controll thing#definitely chill with eachother#lokis gonna show and and everyones like GAHHAHHHH LOKI! Meanwhile bruce is like “hey loki#“hows that plant i got you?”#loki#loki laufeyson#marvel#loki laufeydottir#loki laufeychild#bruce banner#hulk#A MARVEL SHORT ABOUT THE STATESMAN WOULD BE AMAZING#Itd go into all thr shenanigans that hapoened with the group#thor and loki rekindling their brotherly love and relationship#val adjusting to non hulk bruce#val and thor being besties#Val probobly beating up loki#loki becoming friends with bruce#bruce definitely taught him some meditation techniques#isnt bruce kind of a mental health doctor too?#loki of jotunheim#loki of asgard
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Just saw your head bonk comic so are you better????? You went to a doc right??
my forehead is fine 👍 ive seen a doctor who actually listen (incredible shit) and im going to have to do another test (😔) and MRIs (😱) cause doc want to see if smth is pressing on my optic nerve (🫣)
#i just wokeup snd its fibeam. huh i did split open my forehead like three other tikes after thst#sound dramatic. VERY tiny scratches. Teeny tiny. all healed.#will keep updated if we find smth. if not then silence till we do idk.#it was epic tho. seeing a doctor who looked at my results and immediatly said ‘hm. thats not normal.’ and went on to order some tests!!#thats so different from ‘heh. doesnt even look That bad. dont worry about its nothing at all’ after going back and forth for half a year#unfortunately it cost money. sort of reumboursed ish but might make commish again if i need it#for a while i was starting to think ‘hey. maybe nothing is jappenîg and im exagerating. but doc went ‘thats not normal’ and im like oh#there IS smth happening agter all. this isnt like. me making it up. doc immediatly caugh on my right beong shit. yeayy#shouldng maybe andwer ask ag five am
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Sometimes it's like. Ok, cool, small town, I can usually get a doctor's appointment same day, real quick and easy
And sometimes it's like well shit, small town, everyone is fucking sick, busy signal 4 times I call, get through and "oh, sorry, the earliest I could get you in is on the 22nd"
It is the 12th
#personal#i am Sick Again and have missed 2 days of work which is hell for my finances#i think i need to finally say goodbye to my savings account tbh nothing is going to be left in there#i don't think this is covid again i think I'm getting a sinus infection#had one of those afternoons where suddenly the post nasal drip started and i got a headache and it was like. hey what the fuck!!!#probably allergies.... but I'm uncomfy and my head feels like it is full of wool#congestion hell over here#thought I'd be ok to go to work today but i nearly fainted in the shower so.. don't wanna test my luck driving#thought 'oh no I've missed 2 shifts in a row I'd better have a doctor's note on hand and maybe keep this from getting worse'#not gonna happen i guess hsgshsgshsg#and I'm going thru the usual 'I'm at home all day i wanna sit outside i wanna draw i wanna paint' and i don't have the energy for it#it sucks it sucks it sucks
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can.
we have.
nuanced talk about the concepts of corercion, consent, autonomy and desire
Through the lens of the pilot program barking for best girl Sam Britian
or are we going. To be unable to.
#Idk if i wanna get into it. if i don't in the morning I'll delete it.#aabria gives. many many many reassurances throughout this scene. of reducing the forced part and amplifying (hey themes!) the innate want.#and idk. i think. maybe just a smidge. coming off of the tropey hospital people have sex in closet island. theres residue horiness.#eroctism. even. k / erika also like. is edging (hah) close to it with lampshading jokes of a sub dynamic#and is kinda slightly interested in keeping it going or seeing it more (like searching for her Doctor Girlfriend even while escaping)#anyways. my personal tastes really enjoyed these scenes. not everyone will because themes of cocersion make people uncomfortable.#its in the trigger tag.#i just wanted to talk about it.#i am not an idea that didn't exist already#so what youre telling me here is everyone has a big ol crush on sam yeah i Know me 2
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