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haikyuu-appreciation-club · 4 years ago

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hcs for studying with tsukki and agashee?🥺👉🏻👈🏻 like maybe a s/o who gets easily distracted and stressed, how would they help them study and also how they'd help their s/o remain calm and get out of ruts :(

ahh I love that idea anon!! I actually wrote a one shot a little while ago for my friend that was similar to this :)

btw Tsukishima’s s/o is the one who get easily distracted and Akaashi’s s/o is the one who gets stressed. I know you probably didn’t want them separated but it was easier for it to flow that way sooo

anywhooo I hope you enjoy and ty for the request!!

(oh also I'm referencing the american school system in these head canons soooo I apologize if some of this isn’t accurate for some of you. Im really only familiar with that school system.)

•Study Dates w/ Tsukishima and Akaashi•

warnings: one or two curse words

genre: fluff + comfort

characters: Tsukishima + Akaashi

•Tsukishima•

you had a little over a week to prepare for your upcoming midterm test

normally tests wouldn’t really be a problem for you, except this class was definitely not your strong suit

you constantly struggled with everything involving that class

it didn’t matter if it was a lecture, notes, examples, classwork, homework, quizzes, or tests

you practically failed them all

to put it quite frankly, this subject kicked your ass day in and day out

honestly you could not afford any more blows to your GPA

so, you decided to ask your boyfriend for help

I mean he was top of his class after all

not to mention he was really good at the class you were struggling with

the first time you brought it up to him he sat there with a look of pure disinterest on his face

then he just started snickering you were lowkey offended that he was laughing at your stupidity but like what did you expect

you knew the only way to get him to agree was to stay persistent, so that’s exactly what you did

it took a little while and you went though a lot of teasing but you finally got him to accept your request

so here you were, sitting on tsukishima’s floor with papers and books spread out between the two of you

however, your forgot to mention how distracted you became when you studied

this meant that tsukki had to figure this out first hand safe to say he was a little irritated he didn’t get a heads up

he didn’t know how you could become so interested in every little thing that wasn't your textbook

“Hey Kei, those dinosaur figurines are pretty cool.”

“Y/N, you need to focus or I'm kicking you out.”

[hmm I wonder if Kei would let me borrow a hoodie or two]

“Y/N. Y/N. Y/N!”

“Kei Kei, look at my pencil mustache!”

*takes pencil and snaps it in half*

“Kei did you kn-”

Tsukishima knew that at this rate you two would not make any progress at all

he grabbed his headphones and covered your ears with them

you looked over at him with a confused look on your face

that was until you heard the slow beat of lofi music fill your ears

he pointed back to your textbook and you happily obliged

at some point Tsukishima had grabbed your hand, placing it in his lap and tracing light circles in your palm as he completed his own work

with the mixture of the soft music and comforting touch, you slowly felt yourself begin to focus on the task at hand

tsukki had you take breaks every so often so that you wouldn’t overwork yourself

you two would go get a snack from the kitchen or play a round or two of among us before going back to work

he would calmly talk you through any problems you were struggling with in a way that wouldn’t confuse you too much and answer any questions you had

to be honest, tsukishima was a really great person to study with and he did everything he was able to help you focus and feel comfortable

even if he didn’t show he cared, you knew he did

in the end, you ended up getting your first ever good grade in that class and spoiler alert, you and tsukki had a lot more study dates after that

•Akaashi•

Akaashi knew that you had an upcoming test

you two took that particular class with one another and it was pretty obvious how much you struggled with the work

so, being the good boyfriend he was, he offered for you to come over so he could help you study

you ended up refusing said offer

you didn’t want to interfere with his tight knit schedule and mess up his own study time

he didn’t want to push you so he just told you to call him if you were stuck or needed help with anything

you mentally refused to take up that offer too, which ended up being a pretty bad decision on your part

you were now sitting at your desk, practically pulling your hair out

you got extremely stressed whenever you had to sit down and study and with this class being so difficult for you in general, you started to break down

you felt warm tears stream down your cheeks, biting at your lip in an attempt to hold back sobs

this felt absolutely impossible and you were ready to give up at this point

coincidentally, your phone began to viberate

“H-Hey Keiji. What’s up?”

“Y/N, are you crying?”

“N-No.”

“Hold on, I'm on my way.”

“Wait Keiji, I'm okay.”

“I know you're struggling my love, please let me help you.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

you tried to steady your breathing and reel in your tears but it was no use

you were way too stressed at the moment to calm down so quick

Akaashi used his spare key to open your front door and walk in

the first thing he did when he reached your bed room was pull you into a hug

he whispered words of comfort and encouragement into your ear as he rubbed your back

after you had calmed down he had you point out the questions you were having difficulty with and calmly talked you through each and every one

by the end of things, you had actually understood the material really well and felt calm and prepared for your upcoming test

after this little incident, you and Akaashi ended up studying together more often.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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missmorosis · 4 years ago

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Thanks, Sokka

@urmomoness asked: okay okay #9 angst & #12 from random from the prompts,,,, with sokka or zuko,,,surprise me 🥰 just love that prompt combo ❤️❤️ also ILYYYY

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING, I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

enjoy hehe <3

Pairing: Sokka x Reader

Warnings: just the reader being real stressed ig

Word count: 1.2k

sorry if this made like... zero sense LSDJFLKSDF

For the entire day, Y/N was feeling out of it. Even as the words "body reported" flashed up at her, she hardly listened as her friends argued over who was "sus."

"Well Y/N's been awfully quiet." The sound of her name snapped her out of her thoughts. What is wrong with you?

"Yeah, Y/N, what's up with that huh?" Katara was suspicious of her.

“Y/NNNNN, give me attentionnn,” Sokka whined, poking her side. "You're normally so talkative!"

“Sorry, I just... it's nothing." She gave him a half-hearted smile, which was all she could manage. What is wrong with you? The question bounced around in her head once again.

"Well, Y/N is sus, VOTE HER OUT!" Aang instantly voted for someone, and she knew that "someone" was her. Pretty soon, all votes were in.

Y/N was not the imposter. 1 imposter remaining.

She sighed and continued to do her tasks as a ghost.

After Among Us, Katara led her into her own bedroom just to talk while Sokka, Zuko, Toph, and Aang did who-knows-what.

“Do... do you ever think about the future?” Katara asked her, looking up at the sky, and Y/N shook her head. Should she be thinking about the future more? Thinking about the future really got her stressed. She had no idea what was ahead of her, which worried her.

By the time her friends left, she was feeling mentally exhausted, but she put on a smile as she waved goodbye to them. She closed the door, and Sokka instantly went into his bedroom, yawning. She knew that he was asleep in 10 seconds, but it was past 1 am, so she couldn't exactly blame him. She trudged into her own room, quickly changed into her pajamas, and plopped into her bed. Her covers were cool to the touch, and as she pulled them up, her body thanked her.

She turned around in her bed. Did you do your math quiz? You know, it’s due in a couple minutes. Her mind snapped open as she frantically flipped on her laptop, opening up the assignment. Oh. She did it already. Thank goodness.

Wait. It was already graded? She scrolled to check on her grade.

64/100. Comments: Y/N, you can do better than this.

She- she had studied for it. She remembered studying for it; for a week, she got barely any sleep, and she was just constantly buried under her math book.

She flipped the pillow over. The thoughts that Katara had relayed on to her replayed in her mind. Why haven’t you really thought about your future?

She repositioned herself. Why don’t you have stuff figured out? What are you going to do about your math test?

She tried to get to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t shut off. She checked the time on her phone.

Oh shoot, it’s 2:47. She shut off her phone and closed her eyes, but no matter how tired she was, she couldn’t sleep. Some hot chocolate wouldn’t hurt, right? She got up, despite how late at night it was. Tripping over herself, she huffed, blinking frustrated tears out of her eyes.

She got to the kitchen and got the hot chocolate powder out of the cupboard. She couldn’t see very well, since it was pretty dark, but she opened the packet and placed it on the counter. She went to get the milk, and accidentally knocked over the packet, spilling all of its contents onto the floor. Shoot.

She was just so frustrated. Tears leaked out of her eyes as she fell to her knees, starting to wipe away the powder with some wet paper towels. Why couldn’t she do anything right? She continued wiping, her tears dripping onto the floor. Silly Y/N. It’s only hot chocolate. Stop crying.

She couldn’t stop crying. Instead, she started to sob. What’s wrong with you? Her hand fell limp against her side as she stopped cleaning. She sniffed and tried to push the tears away with her sleeves, but they just kept coming. Stop crying. Y/N. STOP CRYING. People have bigger problems than this, what’s wrong with you?

Pulling her shaking legs in, she sat up in a fetal position. Why- why couldn't she breathe?! She tried drawing in several breaths, but it wasn't working.

"Boo!" Sokka jumped out at her, and she screamed. She heard some laughter in the distance as she curled into a ball, panic rushing through her veins. Shoot, it’s Sokka. Why is he awake? She frantically wiped away her tears before he could see.

“Y/N? Are you in here?” Sokka tapped her arm, still laughing. His smile was almost mocking “Y/N, it’s like 3 am. Why are you still awake?” He squinted, trying to make out her figure in the dark. His voice was small and a bit raspy due to how late at night it was. “Woah, what happened here- Y/N?” The laughter quickly died on his lips, as he finally saw the state she was in.

"Hey, Y/N...? A-are you okay?" His voice dropped, now considerably softer. She opened her eyes ever so slightly, and she saw Sokka bend down next to her. "What's wrong?" He looked at her with concerned eyes.

"S-Sokka..." Her voice was cut off with a sob. Her breathing was ragged, irregular. She... she couldn't breathe.

"Hey, hey, it’s alright. I'm right here," he reassured her. "Breathe for me, okay?"

"I- I c-can't," her voice interrupted every second with an attempt to inhale, but she couldn't. Sokka grabbed her shaking hands.

"Y/N, it's okay. Inhale through your nose." Y/N tried her best to breathe in, drawing in a shaky breath. "Good! Okay, now hold it... okay good, great job. Now exhale for 8. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8..." She let her breath go. "Inhale again, for four. 1... 2... 3... 4... great!" Sokka continued counting for her until she could breathe again.

"Y/N?” She exhaled.

"I'm, I’m s-so sorry." Tears leaked through her eyes, blurring her vision.

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. Are you alright? What happened?" He pulled her into a hug. Her body was still shaking, just not as violently as before. She swallowed. He released himself out of the hug in order to look at her properly, but his hands still clung to hers. He spoke calmly and softly, which Y/N appreciated, although it was a lot different from the normal Sokka.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s really nothing, I don’t know why I’m like this.” She looked to the floor. Her eyes scanned the floor, covered in hot chocolate powder. Sokka pulled her chin up, forcing her to look at him.

“Y/N, it’s okay, I promise.” He wiped the tears on her cheek with his finger. “What’s wrong?”

“Just… I don’t know.”

“You can always talk to me, okay?”

“Okay.” She sniffed, and he got up, reaching for paper towels. He started wiping away the leftover powder and Y/N went to help, but he stopped her.

“It’s okay, I got it. Just hang out on the couch for a second,” he said.

“It’s fine, I can clean it up.” He sighed.

“Y/N, you leave me no choice.” He picked her up and hoisted her over his shoulder.

“Sokka, please just let me go.” She struggled against him, but he threw her onto the couch.

“Stay.” He continued wiping up the hot chocolate on the floor, and began heating up the milk. Y/N watched him go through the steps intently, and he came back with two mugs of hot chocolate, one white and one blue. He handed her one and she carefully placed it onto the coffee table in front of her.

“Thanks, Sokka.”

heh soooo... yeah HAHA

Idk if I like this or not but that’s a-okay :)

Taglist: @zuko-is-the-sun @urmomoness @busyforkuvira

Send an ask to be added! <3

Requests are open! ily guys 🥺

#sokka x reader #sokka x you #sokka x y/n #sokka imagine #sokka oneshot #atla #atla imagine #atla x you #atla x y/n #atla x reader #sokka #atla oneshot #atla sokka #writing

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anyu-blue · 4 years ago

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OOF

Okay so you know how sometimes in the creative process ideas sneak up on you?

Well I just got one of those in the sense that I feel like I got punched in the face it snuck up on me so fast and was/is so hard and heavy I’m left a little stunned and reeling...

Yeah..

Haha

Sooo in the possibly futile idea I may one day write it or have some reason to have written it down here we go:

Iz story in which after the Florpus movie (Maybe- IDK I haven’t seen it or 99% of Invader Zim soooo who knows) Dib is more or less forced or convinced (not sure which direction we’d go here) to gain a more... rigorous form of therapy, in which he becomes calmer and of course is lead down the path most other people are- in the sense he becomes ‘normal’.

Of course it would start with Dib actively avoiding Zim- his brain conflicted and fighting itself, but as time went on he’s become a totally different person (I’m thinking he becomes a football player sort of TOTALLY different). Calmer, level headed. Kind, but slightly aloof. He’d gain popularity with the most normal of the normal and grow to be a forgettable face as much as just a ‘decent’ person. I think he’d gently avoid the sciences- as that would have been the cause for his mental break when he was 12 anyway- and pursue other, more practical, and normal human things. Gaz wouldn’t be immune to all this- their father might just have to accept Dib as a lost cause and be proud of him for what he COULD do rather than pursue science like he want him to... in which case Gaz will become the target of her father’s overbearing desire for a successor. She’ll be amazing at it... but withdrawn in a more forlorn way- calmer as well.

What this entails is he is convinced through RIGORIOUS therapy that Zim is, in fact, a human with some weird medical condition(s) and eccentricities himself- which for normal people are to be avoided.

In my version of this story (regardless of how the show or movie turns out cuz idrk their real relationship, really) Zim would definitely take notice and having had been exiled completely from the Irken race on threat of death (or worse). Zim would not entirely give up on domineering over the human race, but he would funnel it in a different direction- screw the tallest (more or less- though he’d NEVER NEVER say it out loud) this is HIS world and he will find a way/ways to make it more to what he wants/needs.

But anyway.. Zim would notice and would realize Dib’s sudden loss of potential. I don’t know that he would know why Dib gave up to begin with- not knowing about the severe therapy- all hush hush- thinking it was some human need to process the trauma that was their space adventures. He’d just give him space as he himself would be processing it all and changing a part of his core self to be not for the Irken race, but for himself (ROUGH when you are genetically engineered to be self sacrificial for the cause)... And by the time he notices Dib is actively avoiding him.... by the time he notices Dib has all but forgotten him... Zim has more pain and wrenching to go through.

ANYWAY

Zim WOULD eventually notice. He wouldn’t be held back in grades because GIR can help as a stand in, and so does Zim’s own knowledge and ‘medical’ condition excuse- he can pass his classes with zero effort and blah blah... but he’d notice that Dib is... different. And he’d notice he doesn’t entirely like it. And of course he’d be more of the ‘shy kid’ after all is said and done. But one day he’d approach Dib (because Dib certainly isn’t going to come talk to him, despite the stares and more Zim tries to burn into him) and try to talk to him. Dib would be completely neutral-level kind. Knows Zim’s name, but the memories are all... twisted and weird and blocked, more or less. So it’s basically like they were never enemies or whatever they were. Almost like they never knew each other at all.

And that would hurt. It would HURT in a way Zim finds too familiar and wrenching. Dib would ever be kind, but yeah... his soft kindness and gentle letting down of “Hey, bud, I’m sorry but I’m not sure what you mean and I got some stuff to study for, bye.” that’s totally NOT Dib... but is? But no...?

Cue Zim with another breakdown/loss and a bit of his old self resurging to never back down- to get Dib back- the ONE who KNEW and sure maybe judge him, but with Irken adgenda off the table maybe they could be friends?!

Shenanigans of Zim being a pest/bother in school and stalking and otherwise, and Dib TOO GOOD at suddenly looking the wrong direction (almost like a reflex, weird), and having someone else around, and some backfiring... Dib’s kind gaze getting harder and harder to bear because it’s almost like PITY.

Possibly lots of blood. Possible gore? If I could stomach it?

Some themes of self harm, and psycosis, and dark thoughts/themes, and perhaps even some.. em.. nsfw unsolicited offers like Zim screaming “I’ll even let you dissect me!!” in the middle of the cafeteria to try and get SOMETHING of the old Dib back.

Possible Zim physically attacking Dib on a few occasions too. Possible Zim starting to wonder if he IS a human with severe mental issues... he knows he not lol but the IDEA and he’s just SO confused!! and at a loss.

Lots of reckless behavior.

REALLY rough...

But.. knowing me...

I adore happy endings... so all that pain and toil and turmoil would be worth it.

Dib would start to crack. Fight himself too. Try to maintain. Try not to maintain. Realize he has this weird reflex and weird physical reactions around Zim. Know SOMETHING is.. wrong.. off... Epic Mental breakdown ensues.. Not sure about Gaz, but she def has a part...

In the end... they would save eachother.

I’m thinking this would also be a ZaDr type fic... cuz I love messy love too... lonely and never lonely all in one.

But yeah.. *ahem*... all of this hit me in the span of like 5 seconds earlier and I’m... *croaks* I’m TOTALLY okay...

*Squeaks*

#personal #fic idea #holy hell #iz #invader zim #dark headcanons #dark themes #trigger warnings apply #Zim #Dib #readmore #fandom stuff #writing it down #for later maybe #I feel like I got punched in the face... maybe the gut too #feels #oof the feels #the feels

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joongie-teez · 5 years ago

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A Crushed Crush </3 01

Pairing: Jimin x reader

Genre: fluff, angst, college!au

Warnings: Jungkook is being a little dirty minded

Word count: 1,9k

Summary: Prepare yourself to be crushed because of a little innocent crush

Park Jimin.

The well known ‘angel’ of the school. Everyone knew him, everyone adored him. And most importantly of all, everyone had a crush on him, even most of the guys. You were no exception to that. He was popular, extroverted and had a huge fanbase for he could sing and dance. He always sat in the front of the class, always got A grades and everyone wanted him in their club.

Then there was you, a shy little potato without any friends in your class. You always sat in de back of the classroom and nobody really knew you. You were a loner, an einzelgänger. So why, did you develop a crush for Park Jimin of all people? Was it because of his charming looks and his cute giggles? Or because he was always nice to everyone? You truly didn’t understand why, the only thing you knew for sure is that you wouldn’t stand a chance with him.

So you decided to admire him from afar, never talked to him, never made eye contact. And most importantly of all, never crossed his way. Social interaction was already hard enough, but social interaction with Jimin seemed almost impossible.

After school, you would work in a cute little coffee shop with your two only friends, Yoongi and Jin. Jin was the owner of the shop and Yoongi was his old friend. The three of you immediately hit off. Jin being the loud and energetic mom-type, Yoongi the quiet but sassy type and you being the shy and awkward type. They are the only two people in the whole world who knew about your little crush on a guy from your school. You never even told your own parents about it And you were never planning on letting anyone else knew about your little secret.

<\3 <\3 <\3

Today was just a normal day.

It started out with your English and math class with Jimin and his two friends Taehyung and Jungkook. These two are following Jimin around like little puppies. Everywhere Jimin goes, these two go, it’s cute honestly. Well, it was cute if those two didn’t look like two sex gods but instead two nerdy guys. It’s no wonder those also got their own fanbase, alongside Jimin. And let me tell you, these fans were crazy. Not the cute jealous girlfriend crazy, no, the straight-up Yandere crazy.

A year ago, there was a new girl in school who got shown around by Jimin. She got a little to close to him physically and, well, let’s just say that no one ever heard of her again.

After school you went to your work, excited to see Yoongi and Jin again. Because you weren’t good with socializing, and Jin knew this, but you were good at baking, Jin let you work at the back instead of behind the counter.

Walking inside, you were immediately hit with the smell of fresh coffee and apple pie. The cute little coffee shop had a soft feeling, the walls being coated with a soft baby pink colour. Jin had made sure to get the most comfortable couches and chairs for his customers and honestly, you sometimes just wanted to take one home.

“Oh (Y/N)! You’re finally here!”

Jin shouted as soon as he saw you walk in. He walked out of the back, holding a spatula in his hand. He was wearing his cute soft pink apron, which was now coated with flower and strawberry jam.

“Jinniee! I missed you!”

Lucky for you the café was pretty quiet at this time of the day and you didn’t have to feel self-conscious about anything you said. You went in for a hug but stopped at the last second, looking at the huge red spot of strawberry jam on his apron.

“Aww why did you stop (Y/N)-ie?”

“I’m wearing my good clothes, I won’t let you ruin them.”

Jin looked at you with a faked hurt look on his face.

“You would choose your clothes above your friends? Yahhh that hurts.”

You looked at his face preparing a comeback, but bursted out laughing now you’ve gotten a better look at his face. Its seems like the flower didn’t only end up on his apron.

“HAHAHA, Jin you have a little something there.”

“What where?!”

<\3 <\3 <\3

In the back where you were planning to try out this new receipt you found online you were about to grab your own cute little apron when Jin called out once more.

“Ah Y/N! I need you to take the orders today, Yoongi is sick and I don’t have anyone else available.”

“B-but Jin, you know I don’t do well with talking!”

“I know and I’m sorry, but please (Y/N)?”

He asked you with his big puppy eyes, silently begging you to agree to his request. You were a sucker for cute puppy eyes and Jin knew it. You stared intimately at each other for a hot minute. You are not going to give, you not giving in. Goddammit it’s too cute.

“Alright, but just this once!” You said while pouting. Inside your head, a mental breakdown started forming. You used to have panic attacks in situations like this, but luckily for you, you’ve gotten help with that. That didn’t mean you were happy about this, though.

“Thank you so much, I own you one!”

And just like that this normal day, turned into a disaster. You messed up orders, said ‘good morning’ when you should have said ‘thank you’ and sometimes forgot how to speak altogether.

But you knew you should’ve never left the house this morning the moment that Jimin and his friends walked into the store and towards the counter.

The door of the little café opened at the little bell rang through the store, signaling that someone has come inside. You looked up from the coffee machine to look at the new customer. Walking towards the counter you were behind, was Park Jimin with his two friends, Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung.

You almost dropped the cup you were holding.

Jimin looked like an absolute god, wearing his ripped jeans, white shirt and with his black beanie on top of his black hair. His stylish sunglasses covering his eyes he scanned the counter, noticing someone was standing there and began his stride towards you. You looked around, hoping to find one of your colleagues to take over, but sadly luck wasn’t on your side today. You slowly made your way over to the counter, wondering if your clothes looked presentable and if your hair wasn’t too messy after a long day. By the time you finally arrived there, Jimin was already waiting for you.

“Uhm..hi...what would you…uhm….like?” You whispered in a small voice, not daring to make eye contact with anything else than your hands.

“Hi, I guess. Anyways, I would like the Americano. Kook, Tae what would you guys like?”

“I would like a taste of that girl.” Jungkook said while bursting out in laughter.

What did he just say?

While the three guys in front of you were laughing about the little joke Jungkook made, you stood there in shock, not knowing what to reply or if you were to even reply at all.

“Ahhh, Kookie I think you broke the little girl.”

“Guys, don’t be mean. Just add a green tea and a cappuccino with my order, thank you.”

You slightly nodded, while still looking at Jimin with wide eyes open in shock. Snapping out of your trance after Jimin raised an eyebrow you wrote down the rest of the order and let them pay. They walked away to the corner of the store while talking excitedly about their day. You looked after them with longing eyes, only to be shocked out of your trance when Jin called you to help out with an order.

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly after that absolute humiliation interaction. At least you didn’t mess up any orders anymore. By the end of the day, you and Jin locked the store and began your walk home.

“Soooo…. Jimin is the mysterious guy, huh?”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Aw, come on (Y/N), it was pretty obvious that you’re into him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Was it really that obvious?”

“HAHAHA, I knew it!”

“Ugh shut up.”

“Awh, is little (Y/N) embarrassed? (Y/N) and Jimin sitting in a tree-“

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

<\3 <\3 <\3

The next day you woke up with really big bags under your eyes because you’ve been up till 2 am having fun with friends. Well, read about people who were having fun with their friends. You slowly got out of bed, so you wouldn't get dizzy, and walked towards the bathroom to start your morning routine. Looking in the mirror, you let out a big sigh.

“Allright yesterday was horrible, but today is another day! It’s going to be a beautiful day and everything is going to be just fine. It’ll be a normal day where no one will notice me, just how I like it!”

You spoke to yourself in the mirror. After a bad day, it always helped to encourage yourself to take a step outside the house the next morning.

It was going to get really cold today so you decided to put on one of the thickest and comfiest sweaters you got and some high waisted pants. After brushing your hair you decided to just wear it down, being too lazy to even try to get it to look good. You walked towards your closet to look at your beanie collection. Eventually, you decide to go with a beanie with cat ears and a cute little cat face on the front.

Walking downstairs, your little kitty greeted you at the bottom, probably in need of new food and water. After taking care of your baby, you decide to just grab a cracker and head towards school, already being a little late.

<\3 <\3 <\3

Forget all that talk about today being a good day.

You’ve gotten halfway through the day, without having any trouble. But of course, the universe decided to play you. History was the last class of the day, and of course the class that’s all about the group projects. You hated group work, especially in pairs cause then you would have to say things to each other. Nobody wanted group works with you anyways, all they’ll say is ‘are you new here’ and ‘why are you so quiet’. They never were quiet tho, you could always hear them talking badly of you afterward to their friends. But what you hated even more, was the next sentence the teacher spoke.

“The next pair will be….. (L/N) (Y/N) and Park Jimin.”

Oh fuck.

#jimin x reader #bangtan x reader #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #park jimin x reader #park jimin #jimin #taehyung #kim taehyung #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #bts member x reader #bts fluff #fluff #bts college au #college bts #story: A Crushed Crush

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

#survey #quiz #questions

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austenpoppy · 6 years ago

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When fanfiction begins to be worrying

Warning : Ron-lovers, if you read this it is at your own peril. I am already suffering from long-lasting damage. Vivi, don't read. Really. Don't. Trust me.

We won't even talk about incest and other criminal and sickening fanfictions, which are mostly rejected by the fandom with the utmost disgust - fortunately.

No, no, what I'm going to talk about is admired by a - sadly - large part of the fandom. I was just looking for a cool fanfiction about Ron during my break when I found this, on the first page : "101 ways to kill Ron Weasley."

I know, I shouldn't have clicked on the link, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know.

This is the Author's note :

"This story is inspired by Crys' 1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort on

For many of us, we hate one character in canon more than any other. No, not Lord Voldemort. I am, of course, talking about Ron Weasley.

Ron is lazy, stupid, annoying, and, in my opinion, mentally retarded.

Now, many in the fanfiction community hate Ginny much more than Ron; however, I find that to be more based upon their experiences with fanfiction than Ginny's actual roll in canon. Let's all be honest, outside of CoS and a cameo in OoTP, Ginny has very few lines and almost no involvement in the plot while Ron plays the role of a giant douchebag throughout the books.

This story, which I hope people will enjoy, is my way of killing off the dumbass in as many colorful ways as possible.

In case you can't tell, expect major Ron!Bashing."

...

I should have stopped as soon as I read this. I didn't, pushed by a morbid curiosity : I wanted to know how far people were ready to go. Useless to say that I bitterly regret it.

First, notice here that Voldemort and Ron are the only characters that I know of who have entire fanfics dedicated to kill them.

Voldemort and Ron are put on the same level. A teenager, the best friend of the hero and a hero himself, is compared to a psychopath and a murderer.

Moreover, I have to underline that the author judges Ron as "mentally retarded". I find it worrying. Just because a teenager have not the same grades as the best student in his year, just because he does not display the same way of thinking as his clever best friend does not mean he is stupid. Far from that.

That is a judgement on intelligence that I think is horrible. You have to know that intelligence, despite what tests such as IQ's claim, can not be really measured. It depends on so many factors. The results of IQ tests depend themselves on so many factors.

Furthermore, having real problems to understand things should be seen as a disability, a handicap and not an insult. It is a very difficult situation to deal with.

Also notice that the intellect is one the major criteria differencing the characters for those people. Intellect is practically above everything else.

I read the fanfiction, constituted of two chapters and multiple drabbles.

First reaction :

First one : Ron dies from eating too much. He chokes on his food.

Second one : In first year, wanting to prove a point to Hermione, Ron willingly mispronunces a spell and conjures a buffalo which crushes him

Third one : In Deathly Hallows, Ron takes the locket with him when he leaves. Harry and Hermione try to stop him and splinch him (he is split in two), but they don't recover the Horcrux. Last sentence : "Even in death, Ron Weasley found a way to be a pain in the ass."

Fourth one : Ron, charged by Harry to give Hedwig her treats, eats them in front of her. Hedwig, with the help of thousands other owls, avenges herself by attacking and killing Ron. Reminding of "The birds" by Hitchcock.

Fifth one : Ron, jealous, accuses Hermione of loving Harry and calls her "a Mudblood". She kills him. Harry and her hide Ron's body before they have sex. Petty remark about the length of Harry and Ron's manhoods. Note of the "author" explaining that it was a summary of another fic.

Sixth one : the Trio enters Bellatrix's vault. Ron is immediately fascinated by the amount of money and begins to steal it despite his friends' warnings. He burts into flames and jinxes his friends. Particularly petty sentence : "He never knew, or cared, that his greed had doomed them as well."

Seventh one : Ron speaks proudly about the unbreakable vow he made when he was five. Hermione asks him what it was about, he says he had sworn he would never say he wasn't a jobbernowl, he dies. Worst thing : use of a real passage of the book.

Eighth one : Ron dies on the chess set. His sacrifice is presented as stupid because it 'had to be another way.'

Nine : Harry uses Sectumsempra on Ron while he is sleeping. Ron dies. Harry transforms his corpse into a sock and burns it.

Last one : after Ron is made prefect, Hermione refuses to have him as a partner, jinxes him and kills him "for the greater good." Particularly nasty sentences : "Harry looked at the badge and fought the urge to go downstairs and ask McGonagall and Dumbledore if they were high when they selected the male Gryffindor prefect this year." / "'Sure', Ron said, completely shocked. 'I was positive you would get it, Harry.' 'You and the rest of the world,' Harry thought darkly." / "I can already see Ron not taking his duties seriously and flaunting the privileges that prefects normally deserve."

I won't comment all of them, but I really want to say something about some of them.

The first one uses a trope overused in Ron-bashing fanfiction : the fact that Ron eats a lot and sometimes speaks with his mouth full. Obviously, the author has forgotten what it is to be a teenager, and especially a thin teenager. Their metabolism needs food, and loads of food, because they are growing up and thin people tend to burn off energy more rapidly.

The fourth makes me sick. (Not that they don't all make me want to throw up.) First since it uses the overused trope I have already mentioned. Moreover for Ron would definitely do what Harry asks him to do, and for Ron is definitely not cruel. And thirdly because... THE BIRDS ! Does it ring a bell, a physical assault on Ron with birds ?

The fifth one. There is absolutely no universe where Ron, I'm-going-to-kill-Malefoy-with-my-bare-hands!Ron, would call Hermione a Mudblood. No. Way.

The sixth. Just because Ron said once something like "It would be nice to have galleons for a change", once "I hate being poor" (ONCE !!!), "Lucky you" (referring to Harry not noticing the difference on his amount of gold when the fake money disappeared), "Where's mine ?" (asking Bill where his money was because Bill has just given Harry a purse full of gold), that's it, Ron is greedy. Just because he doesn't want to be in need. Although he never complained that much.

These people hating Ron for he does not like to be poor are just self-righteous and have very probably never lived in the same situation. They have never been homeless, have received all the gifts for Christmas they wanted, have lived in a warm and comfortable house. It's easy to think about morals when your stomach is full, your health is perfect and well taken care of, and your basical material needs are fulfilled.

I remember a story my dance teacher told me : there was a poor woman in Africa who had lost a husband, a son and a leg in a war and still considered herself luckier than a French homeless person because she had a roof above her head.

I'm not saying that losting a loved one is less terrible. Nothing is more terrible.

Just that hating a fourteen-years old boy who never received another Christmas gift than a maroon jumper he hates but still puts on without really complaining because his mother made it, because he would like to have clothes that fit him or galleons he could spend to offer things to his friends is stupid. Really. And shows a lack of empathy.

Moreover, it's not as if Ron was not generous. All he has he shares it. His galleons, he mostly spends it on gifts for his friends. He gave his Christmas gifts to an house-elf. Ron has a really big, big heart and nothing is more important to him than his friends and family.

Eight. Just. How dares he / she ? That's what I hate with this fandom. Everything is twisted to correspond to the views of people.

Last. The prefect badge. My god the prefect badge. Maybe the most disgusting one, because Harry and Hermione are depicted as thinking the worst of him and somehow echo the 'No one in their right mind would make Ron a prefect'. The fact that Ron is often belittled by the fans who don't think he deserved the badge is reminiscent of the fact that Ron didn't either. Ron didn't think he deserved it. That makes me soooo angry.

Pansy Parkinson deserved her badge, but Ron ? Nooooo of course.

The question of worthiness in Ron-bashing is central. People operate a grading : some characters are better than others. The worst is to think that they do it in real life.

I am really naive. I thought that most readers would be inflamed by such display of stupidity. How wrong I was ! This story had 242 reviews, whose only 12 were critical. On the twelve crital ones, 4 were saying that Ron was just an ordinary teenager with no talent, but that it was a shame to dislike him for that.

The rest ?... At this point I don't know if I want to cry or burst into flames out of rage.

I have warned you before. I warn you again. Be aware of the violence of what will follow.

"More!

In order to get a good nights sleep, I need to read about Ron dying in horrendous and funny ways, due to his folly and vices."

At this point it looks like a caricature, doesn't it ? We can notice, however, that people vent out their frustrations and violence on fictional characters. It's up to you if it is good or not. I think it is sick to post it on the Internet, on a personal level.

"A note to a couple of Ron fanboys that posted. First, don' t like? Don' t read. You can tell it is a bashing story from the summary. Second; each person can interpret the canon events the way he wants. Personally, i see it like this: Ron betrayed and abandoned his supposed best friend when he needed help the most. Twice. And he never even apologised properly! It is not our best moments and actions that show us who we really are, but our worst ones. Because, usually, that is when one lets his true self show. Ron is not a bad person, but he is an idiot in canon."

It actually reflects a way of thinking. Ron is defined by the moment he felt betrayed and argued against his best friend - and he tried to apologize, though didn't make Harry apologize for hitting him - and the moment he left under mental torture - the first one who tells me Ron isn't strong-willed will have to run really fast from my anger, because Ron resisted possession and once rebelled against a thought mass murederer on a broken leg and they know nothing about torture -. For this kind of people, you can't have flaws. You can't be faulty. You have to be perfect. You can't ever be forgiven. This is unhealthy.

"*Insane laugh* I love this story! I've always hated Ron. *Sigh* If only he died in cannon, then my life would be complete!"

Once again I am amazed by the VIOLENCE of such a statement.

"I just love the first one where Ron dies while stuffing his face. I have often thought that he had either Bulima or a tapeworm. I have actually seen someone eat like him. It turned out that this person was Bulimic. How else does someone stuff himself and remain skinny?"

It displays a total lack of understanding of what eating disorders really are. Those are disorders which are really extremely difficult to deal with on a daily basis. They are mistaken here with bad eating manners.

"Are you in middle schoolers? Because that's how they teach you how to write in middle school. Also, Ron IS stupid. His grades show that. And Hermione is always caring and helping Harry, even when Ron is off sulking, jealous of Harry. And who cares if Ron came back after leaving? He still left! And getting his ass off of bed is not an excuse for Ron. He only goes along with Harry because he needs to! To keep being Harry's friend, that is. You're actually as mentally deficient as Ron is, and I hope you learn some proper fucking grammar."

Once again intelligence is confused with good grades. That's how you end up with teachers telling students who don't have good grades that they are too stupid to do anything of their life. Ron is here considered as an opportunist. As if he had chosen to be friends with Harry for fame -internal scream. As if being friends with Harry was easy. As if he had not commited his life to help his friends. Notice that once again someone is judges according to his so-called bad actions (to me, Ron leaving is not a mistake Ron did, as I said multiple times already).

"Oi weasel!, for the first and final time, there will never be an Hermione and you, so stop dreaming about her; she's way, out of your league, otherwise l will make you into an weasel patty..."

Love is seen as a question of worthiness.

"Can the Basilisk eat him? please please let the Basilisk eat him"

Once again the violence strucks me.

"ugh i hate him 2 he always runs away or gets jelous. The one thing he did was play stupid chess. Like geez. I love the owl 1".

Chess is considered stupid. CHESS IS CONSIDERED STUPID, BUT WRITING AN ENTIRE FANFIC TO KILL A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS NOT. Those people are sickeningly judgemental and self-righteous.

"Thank you, I really needed a good laugh and nothing is more funny than Ron dying in horrific, nasty ways."

*throws up*

"Hilarious. Keep updating. I can't stand Ron. The flaws of Snape, Albus, Remus, Sirius and the rest makes them interesting characters. The flaws of Ron make him a putz."

Notice that Ron is the one character that apparently can't be forgiven for his flaws. Ever.

"Lol, Keep killing Ron, it's enjoyable. It's a good stress reliever to read these. :)

See ! Ron is nothing more than a punching ball to those people. I'm scared, really. Their immaturity is worrying.

"I agree with you about Ron he really is a good for nothing person in canon."

*sees red* That's what I'm fighting against in real life. People telling teenagers (and here one of the most admirable fictional teenagers I've ever seen) with a crippling lack of self-esteem that they are worthless. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM !

"this is so funny. i love the owl treats one. my favourite so far. anyone who dares say this is rubbish will face my anger, dont worry. just because it wont happen in canon dosent mean its not good."

Well, sorry to break it to you, but this is rubbish.

"Harry could have been the next Voldermort or Dumbledore if Ron hadn't infected him wi"

Ron and his friendship with Harry are seen as DISEASES.

"Weasley must die! Weasley must die!"

"I actually don't mind Ginny as a character, but Ron has always severely irritated me. The ending to Deathly Hallows was disappointing - how could JKR stick Hermione with a git like that? Ron's been nothing but awful to her since day one, and let's not even get started on how he's treated Harry...

Not really such a "loyal" sidekick, is he? When it all comes down to it, he's a selfish prat, thinking of nobody but himself. The PoA incident with Crookshanks, then GoF when he accused Harry of putting his name into the Goblet - there's been numerous occaisions in which that red haired git has allowed his jealously to get the better of him and abandoned his friends all because of his own petty insecurities.

Halfway through Deathly Hallows, I was ready to strangle him. I know the locket probably brought most of it on - but I don't see that as an excuse for him to throw a childish temper tantrum and blow up about Harry not knowing what he's doing. Okay, so you miss mummy's cooking, and living your life as a lazy sloth..

No reason to take it out on your two best friends. At least your parents are still alive, you ignorant MORON. I was rather pleased when Harry told him off, though. :)

All in all; Ron has always been an annoying, pain in the butt character to me. Utterly useless, really.

I can't wait to see what other creative ways you come up with to kill him.

*adds story to favorites*

Weasley is NOT my king."

So many things wrong.

Ron has been nothing other than awful to Hermione ? What about 'You're the most wonderful person I've ever met ?' 'She's been perfect, as usual.' ? What about getting detention several times (and one washing bedpans) for defending her ?

#ron weasley #hp #anti ron-hate

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avaalons · 7 years ago

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Chris Evans Fic: Hiking and Hypocrisy (Epilogue)

Soooo, I had surgery for the first time yesterday! Anaesthetic is weird shit, man. But other than being uncomfortable, it’s all gone well and I should be up and about and back to the extreme sports that caused the damn injury in the first place in no time at all!

As a little celebration for myself, and because I couldn’t leave these two alone, I penned a little epilogue to tie up their story. But this is definitely the end now. Over. Finito. Das Ende.

Enjoy! And thank you all :)

‘Oh hey Chris!’ Jen, one of the school’s receptionists, greeted Chris with her usual enthusiasm. He was used to it now but her bright, over wide smile amused him each time nonetheless.

‘Hi Jen, she in?’ He indicated with his thumb in the vague direction of your classroom, ‘Okay if I head on through?’

‘Of course, waiting for you as usual. But Chris, you know I can’t let you go through without an escort. This is a school! Sign in here please and I’ll get you a lanyard.’

‘Jen… it’s five thirty on a Friday evening, there are no students here now,’ he smiled knowingly. It was a game they played each and every time Chris popped in to pick you up on a Friday.

Jen held her hands up, unwilling to budge, ‘School policy, sorry. Sign in and I’ll take you down.’

He did as he was told and Jen buzzed him through the security lock door. She made small talk as she strolled, a little slowly, down the corridor. Chris tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was antsy about the weekend. He stopped listening to Jen entirely once he reached your door and spied you at your desk, hair in a messy bun on top of your head and glasses on as you graded papers. He knew this was a look you adopted only once the students had left, when you were trying to get into the zone and be extra productive.

‘Hey beautiful, how you getting on?’

You heard the unmistakable voice, pulling you from your work. The responding smile formed on your face before your eyes had even met his, approaching you from across the classroom.

‘Almost done and then I’m all yours.’

‘Music to my ears,’ he replied, arching over your desk in an invitation for a kiss. You craned your neck up to meet him, ‘Plus, Dodger’s in the car and I don’t want to leave him there too long.’

Jen still hovered behind Chris and made a silent swooning motion, dropping her knees slightly and pressing a hand to her forehead before making to leave and you laughed.

‘Thanks Jen, have a nice weekend!’

‘You too, lovebirds!’

You and Chris smiled at each other, the kind of smile that was relaxed and content and looking forward to a weekend together.

You finished up the papers you were grading while Chris mooched about in your room, taking turns between looking at your displays and playing on his phone, trying to be patient. You finished the last one with a flourish and closed your laptop before picking up your purse.

‘Okay handsome, we’re good to go!’

***

Chris was being really cagey in the car and it was making you a little nervous. It had been almost a year now and you were… settled. You didn’t mean that in the way it initially sounded - there was nothing boring about your relationship - but your confidence in the relationship had grown and grown and you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Chris loved you, and you loved him.

Having said that, you wanted to know why Chris was so on edge. As you leaned through to the back seat to say hello to Dodger with some affectionate touches, the thought occurred that he could be planning on… but no, surely not? You had a much healthier approach to relationships now, it was true, but you weren’t sure if you were ready for a ring and an engagement. You decided to use the car journey to try and feel out your thoughts. If this was his plan, you wanted to be ready and you wanted to have time to figure it out before he popped the question.

Before you knew it, the car came to a halt outside your apartment and you blinked a little in surprise. You normally went straight to Chris’ after work on a Friday and either stayed in, went out for dinner or, of course, to Mackie and Sheletta’s. Mackie has basically spent the best part of your relationship demanding thanks for getting the two of you together in the first place. Sheletta was more controlled about it. She was happy to see you happy and you were fairly sure Chris was under no illusions about what she would do to him if he ever messed you about.

‘My place?’

‘Yeah, I need you to pack a few things. Hiking gear mainly,’ he grinned at you.

‘Oh! Okay! You waiting here? I’ll be quick.’

Chris had kept to his word about hiking. He really did want to pursue it as a hobby, so when he was able to, he’d join you on hikes and fortunately, none were quite as traumatic an experience as the first time you’d hiked together. The great thing about him travelling the world was that occasionally you got to join him and could hike in countries you’d never even dreamed you go to.

But a surprise hiking trip was new for him. He normally let you do the planning, considering you the expert, but really, he knew what he was doing now, so while he hadn’t planned one before, you didn’t doubt him for a second. Apart from maybe you’d just double check the weather while packing - just so you’d know what items to take.

You packed all your necessities and a few non-necessities, should the occasion arise for them. Some lacy, silk garments that were definitely not for hiking in. As you packed, you could feel yourself mentally talking yourself into not freaking out, into being okay with getting proposed to, into not drawing to mind the first engagement you had.

You threw your bag into the trunk and climbed back into the passenger seat.

‘Got everything?’

‘I’m good, let’s go. You’ve got me intrigued Christopher!’

Chris held your gaze for a moment and you knew he was waiting to say something.

‘What?!’ You asked, feeling self-conscious.

‘Ten months ago, there’s no way you would have just let me take you somewhere without knowing the plans in advance. And look at you now, going with the flow, letting me take the lead on a hiking trip.’

You tilted your head as you processed his words, ‘I think that counts as personal development, right? Although, if I’m being honest, I did check the weather upstairs.’

‘I’ll accept that as your one element of being in control but only because you needed to look at it yourself to know what to pack. But yes, I did also check the weather, what do you take me for? An amateur?

He pulled out into traffic and you were on your way.

***

An hour and a half later, Chris was turning off the main road on to something little more than a track; two deep grooves running through the forest bed, worn down by tyres previous. There had been forest on either side of you for miles and the track wound through the trees, deeper and deeper into the dense woodland.

The sun was setting when Chris slowed to a stop in front a modern, but understated cabin. The outside was wood panelling, so it was sympathetic to its surroundings, but the lines were clean and straight. Beyond the cabin, you could see the trees opening up to make way for a beautiful lake, the orange sun reflecting off its mirrored surface.

‘This ours for the weekend?’ You asked, excitement weaving through your words.

‘Yeah, like it?’

‘It’s beautiful, and what a moment to arrive, with the sun just setting over the lake.’

‘Want to get out and have an explore before it goes dark?’

You nodded eagerly and the three of you hopped from the car, Dodger weaving his way through the gap between the front seats to jump from the driver’s side door, following his master loyally.

Not wanting to miss the sunset, you walked to the back of the cabin, overlooking the lake, and found a small veranda with none other than a porch swing. You immediately sat down, Chris next to you and winding an arm around your shoulders, planting an affectionate kiss to the top of your head when you curled your body into his.

‘This is adorable. Porch swings immediately add like 100 points of adorableness,’ you told him as the sun started to creep behind the trees that surrounded the opposite side of the lake.

‘Like it? Did I pick well?’

‘You did, and I’ve not even seen inside yet. It wouldn’t matter, this view is IT.’

‘Good, because I have a confession to make.’

You were immediately wary, hoisting your head up to look him in the face.

‘What did you do…?’ There was amusement in your voice, knowing it couldn’t be anything too terrible, but there was still a tiny little knot of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

‘Well, for a few weeks now, I’ve been thinking about… well, I was wondering whether…’

You were tense now. What if this was it? What were you going to say? You didn’t want to disappoint him.

‘Chris, out with it please, you’re making me nervous.’

‘I just thought maybe we could start thinking about moving in together? You know, my place or finding somewhere new?’

You instantly relaxed, not realising just how much you’d been trying to keep your anxiety under control.

‘But then I thought that might be too big of a step all in one go. So, as a compromise, I wondered if you wanted to share this place with me?’

He waited for you to realise what he was asking but you were confused.

‘Well, yeah, I figured as much… we’re staying the weekend, right?’

‘We stay as many weekends as we want. It’s mine. Ours, if you want to,’ he looked earlier than you felt, you thought. He was worried about pushing you too far.

‘You bought this place?!’ You were amazed.

‘Yeah,’ he brought a bashful hand up to rub the back of his neck, ‘Yeah, I mean, the location is great - we’ve got a couple of neighbours dotted about around the lake for far enough away that we feel we’ve got our own space, the nearest town is only five minutes drive away for supplies, there are hiking trails for tens of miles all around, there’s boating on the lake… is it too much? It is, isn’t it?’

You wanted to put his concern to rest.

‘No Chris, it’s… it’s just perfect,’ you told him honestly, ‘And you want me to share it?’

‘Yeah, I thought we could both move some of our stuff in, you know, keep it stocked and have our gear and some essentials here so we can just drop everything and come down whenever we feel like, rather than packing each time we want to go. And we can decorate and furnish it however we like. Make it a home away from home. But you can still go back to your own place at the end.’

He was the only person you’d ever known who managed to find the absolutely right solutions to everything. This was just what you needed. Baby steps every time, giving you parameters you were comfortable with.

You stretched your neck up to kiss him, trying to pour all your gratitude and joy into it. You pulled back with a beaming smile.

‘We can keep the porch swing though, right?’

‘Yeah baby, whatever you want. So you’ll do it? You want to live here, with me, for several short bursts of time in the year?’

‘Absolutely, I’d love nothing more,’ you nodded emphatically.

Chris stood up then, yanking you up by your arm in the same smooth motion, before sweeping an arm under your knees and behind your back and scooping you up bridal-style.

‘Well then, let me carry you across the threshold.’

You laughed as he carried you and it was so clear in the twilight, you were sure the tinkling sound you made echoed across the lake. Dodger bounced excitedly around Chris’ feet all the way to the front door and Chris paused while he fumbled with the key, trying desperately to keep hold of you at the same time. As you heard the tell tale click of the lock opening, you had something you wanted to say.

‘Ask me about moving in again in a couple more months, okay?’ You told Chris in a soft voice, simultaneously thanking him for his patience and sensitivity but also wanting him to be sure that you were trying too.

‘I’ll mark it on my calendar,’ he grinned down at you, pressing his lips to yours before inching forward.

Chris swung the door open and stepped through, and there you both were, passing another milestone together.

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you

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brokenmusicboxwolfe · 7 years ago

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On a post where I talked about my nephew (and the difficulties with my brother)

runningbarefootthroughtheforest said: No ideas, just wanted to say Im glad your nephew has someone like you in his life, even if you are ‘banned’ from him. It sounds like you bring sunshine to his life, and even if thats a rare occurence it may make a world of difference to him <3

Thanks for being so kind.

I wasn’t planning to really reply (thought I REALLY appreciated hearing that), but I was in a mood tonight. I got started writing, and now it’s 2am and I’ve got this endless rambling about my relationship with my brother no one in their right mind wants to hear about. Rather than erase all that typing (and venting) I’m just going to put it safely behind a click to continue....l

Being there for him used to be one of the ways I would make myself go to my brother’s when I knew what was in store for me there. (The other was to help my parents with that construction job building the extension to my brother’s house.) I had my nephew described as “lighting up like a Christmas tree” when I showed up and that he seemed so much more engaged when I was there. I dunno how much I credit that to me, but I did feel like it was worth enduring a heavy dose of verbal abuse.

The thing is, it has been so long since I have been able to see him I expect he has forgotten me now. I got to see him for a minute over a year ago when took Mom half way to spend time recovering from her hospitalization at their house (I’ve mentioned our living conditions...). He didn’t show any signs of recognition anymore. Yesterday Mom called me while my sister-in-law was out (Mom won’t call me when they are around to avoid ranting) and I could hear my nephew talking to himself as he played, his voice like a little bird chirping. I realized that I have never actually heard him speak in person because he was a totally non-verbal then. I’m afraid as far as he is concerned I don’t exist.

I know people wonder why I was banned from my brother’s house. “what did you do?” Saying, well the first time I was told never to come back I played a Wallace and Gromit DVD. It was so baffling how me playing it in a room alone could get him shouting I was “the most selfish bitch alive” for my choice of DVD, but there you go.

A few months later I did start going back, but that time I tried to photograph my parents beside the house extension we were putting in, and my brother thought I wastaking a photo of him andmy nephew. He hates photos being taken and threatened to smash my camera, started with the insults, called me a coward when I went into the house to get away from him rather than fight, then mocked me when I came back out rather than wake my napping sister-in-law. I started crying (trying soooo hard not to) and he lay into me for that. I always told my parents not to defend me since it would reinforce my brother’s peculiar “you love her more” narrative and it would make him more vicious, but it made me feel extra alone as he was attacking me, all in my face and snarling like he would get. I muttered “Sometimes I could just kill you” which was NOT meant as a real threat at all, and he knew that very well. Still he announced I was to leave or he would call the police and he could say I threatened his life.

And that was that. At first My parents and I thought it would blow over. It didn’t. We thought holidays would be an exception. They weren’t. We thought when Pop got sick he would relax about it. Nope. So that’s been that.

The thing is, it shouldn’t be a surprise. For years he’d been saying he loved Mom, loved but also hated Pop, and just hated me. I think partly Pop and are were disappointments to him, like we should be whatever fantasy he had of what we should be and if only he could bully us right we’d change. Pop and I did tend to think alive, where Mom and my brother thought a bit more alike, the basic mental wiring. But it was a way of seeing us, Mom the one who sacrificed (like about getting a PhD) to join Pop here, Pop the person working so many ambitious projects (like the submarine or the journey round the world in the boat) that never actually were finished, and me the smart sister turned utter loser (and college drop out to his multiple degrees). I knew he hated me, and maybe he was right to at least have no respect for such a pathetic creature, but I somehow had managed to believe that down deep he loved me.

You know, when he was a teenager he pointed a loaded gun to my head saying he was going to kill me, and I was totally calm about it. Part of it was the adrenaline, but part of it was a trust that while he was emotionally freaking out and might accidentally kill me, he did not really want me dead. Would I be so fearless now when I no longer trust his love is in there somewhere waiting to be talked down? I dunno.

Now, for the record, my family was NOT physically or emotionally abusive. Heck, my parents never even spanked us. We were never grounded, given time outs or bullied. While my father would break things when really upset, he NEVER, EVER hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone. My parents were confused how sibling rivalry and child defiance of a father could become so monsterous. They wondered what they did wrong. The thing is, it really wasn’t entirely some failing in out part.

Amazingly my brother was an incredibly sweet child. He constantly told us he loved us, gave us drawings he made and wrote “I love you” on, hugged us, kissed us, laughed and ... He was exactly the opposite of what he is now.

I can track it, the step by step path that led to this point.

It begins at school. When he entered first grade to be precise.

In first grade my brother got good grades, despite my parents questioning whether he was having difficulty reading. The teacher would reassure them that he was doing just fine....and then he failed first grade. When my parents wanted to know what had happened, the teacher said my brother had seemed so smart she had assumed it would work out. **sigh**

So my parents did what you would expect. They started working with my brother. They had always read to us (and I read as long as can remember) but now they started using work books, flashcards, and anything else that they thought might help. To my brother this was like being punished while I was off doing other things, and how he felt about me began to change.

Now I get this bothering him. I was bothered too. I knew my brother needed help, but I also knew they were spending all this time with him but so little with me. No one helped me with my homework, because I didn’t need it. I was “fine”, I was always “fine”. Where as my brother as a toddler would try to run (and made it once!) across highway 64 with all it’s traffic, laughing as we chased him, toddler me (when I couldn’t find my father and grandfather who were working and supposed to be watching me...the place it big) decided to walk home and famously was spotted by people carefully crossing that crazy busy highway and walking back along the side of the road. I was seen as gaving good judgement, bright, blah, blapg. Stephanie is always “fine”.

The difference is that while I saw the attention my brother got when no one even cared what I did in school, (they even let me sign my own papers because they were busy and knew I was doing fine...I HATE that word fine!) and was unhappy, I didn’t get angry at anyone. I understood, and other than a few bouts of grumpiness at my parents wishing that they would pay atrention to me a bit. But to my brother it was different. He was angry, and most of that anger settled on me because I was “fine”, a sort of feeling he had that I must be loved more since I wasn’t the one suffering.

Then it got worse.

His second grade teacher was horrible to him. She picked on him and bullied him continually. In front of the whole damn class she would called him stupid and mock him. He was NOT stupid! He was dyslexic!

My parents had to work to persuade then to have him tested. This was not even on the radar of out hick town school in the early 1980s. They had to bring someone in to test him, and when it proved the suspicions it proved no help at all. See, the teachers had never heard of such a thing, so to them “dyslexic” meant “stupid”. They considered kids “normal”, “smart”, or “stupid” with no nuisance at all. And that damn teacher kept at it, more intently than ever.

Worse for my relationship to him, the teacher and her aide had another angle of attack. “He’s not smart like his sister!” Do you know how horrible that is, constantly comparing a kid to another kid? In first grade my tracher had started that, telling the class “Why can’t you all be like Stephanie?” “You should try to be smart like Stephanie” Do you know what that does? It does NOT make the kids you want to change change, instead they glare at that kid you are comparing them to with pure hate. And now the little brother that had loved me, was being bludgeoned with me as a weapon.

He didn’t tell us any of this at the time. He was far too scared of her. It slipped out bit by bit over then next few years.

One day he hid to try to avoid going to class. I found him and talked to him, trying to be reassuring and comforting. You see, I was having an awful time in school, being bullied every day. I thought, three years older than him, I understood and I was being encouraging when I was saying if I could do it I knew he could. And then I told Pop where he was.

My brother still brings this up as a huge betrayal. It is one of the worst things I ever did to him, though I did it out of love and ignorance.

So it began. My brother’s resentment and hostility. A bubbling rage began to build. He started seeing as opposite, if something was tough for him he would insist it was easy for me. To this day he insists I was popular and happy in school! It’s nuts. Mom laughs at the thought. In that one year in kindergarden I went from so outgoing I spoke to anyone to so introverted I couldn’t make eye contact or order in a restaurant. I went from normal weight to the fattest kid in the class, for the first time in my life started wetting the bed, began to jump at the sounds like someone with PTSD, and would come home crying, begging my parents to tell me why everyone hated me. I was picked on for everything including my breathing! But he didn’t remember preschool me so he didn’t know I’d changed, and he was so lost in his own pain he couldn’t see mine.

And it went like this. Now I am NOT minimizing what he went through. While I had many teachers that openly delighted whenerever I made a mistake and, bafflingly, saw me as some sort of threat, clearly what he went through with that teacher was worse.

Let me be clear again, my brother was NOT stupid! He was one of the top five students by graduation, in college he studied chemistry where he was the only undergraduate working on a project, one a national prize, and after getting his degree went right back to get a degree in computer programming. He could very well be smarter than me!

But elementary and high school were hell. For both of us, to be honest, we just manifested it differently.

I can only imagine the constant “she’s smart, you’re not” pressure he was under. I know even as an adult his default when upset was to call himself “Stupid!” “Idiot!” Or “Moron!” No matter how often my parents and I tried to tell him otherwise, he never believed us. He was constantly tense and chewed his fingers until they bled. And behind his eyes you could see the pain and rage. He got so he would not want anyone to see him show emotions, even taking his gifts at Christmas into his room to open. He got aggressive and growly, not just in a teen boy way. He would let anyone hug him anymore, not even Mom. We wanted to hug him, we knew he needed a hug, even wanted a hug, but if you tried he’d slug you and leave a bruise.

With me his aggression just got worse. Violent, not just slugging. Not when our parents were around, of course. Then it was just verbal. He was disgusted by me. I’d become withdrawn more, fatter, and, as I used to say, “terminally insecure”. Maybe he couldn’t stand my increasing loser status because if I was supposed to “better” than him according to the teachers, then how terrible must he be? He needed me to be better than Inwas, just as he always blamed our parents a bit for not saving him from that teacher, despite the fact they hadn’t known at the time what was going on.

One quick point: what happened to my brother inspired Pop to run for school board right after that. He thought it was the best way to help both my brother and others like him. I think the last straw was seeing that abusive teacher won “teacher of the year” the next year. When Pop asked why they said it was because they were all sorry for her because just before the vote she has a baby that was born with a serious birth defect. Sympathy is one thing, but “teacher of the year” for a woman that tormented my brother and changed him so completely? In one year he went from loving me to hating me, smiling to scowling, not questioning his own intelligence to never believing in it! So Pop went to the school board, became chairman, and what to you know, the way they treated my brother turned around over night (though how he felt didn’t)! But what about other kids without elected parents?

Anyway, the school years were not happy. Add my brother’s tendency to hold grudges and to lash out when hurt to the target painted on my back by the big mouthed teachers and I became his verbal, and sometimes physical, punching bag. Our parents would be working and he would go into jerk mode. Locking himself in my room to trash it. Calling me the most hurtful things he could. There are still holes in my door from a sword. (Yes, sword. We have a few...) When he would start getting rough I’d pin him, because though we did eventually end up the same height, I was bigger than him. He was skinny and I was just plain stronger. But once restrained, then what? In his rages he would snarl he would hit me when I let go, and eventually I’d have to. My dilemma was I was the big sister, the one that had always tried to protect him and never wanted to hurt him. When I was about 8 I got a blood vessel in my eye busted fighting a bully that was picking on him. I couldn’t hurt him, but when I’d let go he’d keep his promise. As my parents and I would say, he would never pull a punch.

Now my parents would try to get him to stop being such a jerk to me, but it only ever made him meaner. If they were defending me, he semed to think, that must prove they loved me more. They were working and we were on our own, but together out here on the farm, much of the time. Oddly being unsupervised had worked out great when we were little, but as we got older and the relationship got worse it was not great at all.

It’s so weird, looking at old photos. All those happy ones when were little. There isn’t a photo of me NOT smiling until I started school, and there isn’t one where he isn’t smiling and usually hugging me until that year with the teacher. Like OMG! He honestly seemed a different person. By our teenage years there are almost no photos of me smiling, and the few that show my brother smiling are rather threatening.

We did have one powerful bonding moment one day. We just started talking, just spilling out all the horrible things and bullying we went through at school, that hell hole. We ended up sobbing and just holding each other. It was so intense I actually believed it was a breakthrough, a turning point out of the darkness. Nope. I made that mistake many times over the years.

And yeah, the gun incident happened. I survived, and between that and another incident when he nearly shot trespassers (that had permission we didn’t know about) when scared, I let my folks know I didn’t think he should be around them anymore. It was atypical for the family so it was startling, but his judgement worried me.

But then came what was the worst turning point for many years. I dropped out of college. It would take a while to explain, but it would make me the sole non-college in the family and the source of shame. It was unforgivable sin. While my brother had given up physical violence (and never hit me again) the verbal abuse got ....unrelenting. How bad did it get? When he would drive home I would hear the car and feel a full on hyperventilate “run away!” panic attack. He’d come home from college and I’d shake at the sound of his voice. I won’t list all the things he said, but it boiled down to my worthlessness.

That said, he still would seem to love and want my company. He asked me to go on trips, like to Germany and Montreal, and despite the fact I would always swear never to travel with him again afterwards. He gave gifts that showed thought, cards, and moments of sweetness would slip out.

Still, I began to notice something else. When things were good, he was wonderful, but when things were stressful he’d get mean.

Believe it or not, there were a few years I got my hopes up that hehad outgrown it, or worked past it or let go of that childhood rage or...something. He was great, no longer tormenting me. The only teasing was affectionate, without the cruelty. He did little kindnesses, joked, showed concern, and smiled. It was like having the little brother that had been so close to me back. Even at his wedding the two of us kept giggling uncontrollably every time we looked at each other.

It didn’t last. It took a few years, but it started building up all over again. I expect it was the stress he was feeling with a new marriage to someone with rather set ways ,interpersonal conflict on the job, a new house he’d bought, eventually fatherhood, and the initial denial anything was wrong with the nephew followed by the difficult reality. Then there was the fact that had set in that I was no longer the fattest in the family, but he was...something else to hold against me.

So the point is, by the time he had a lot of things eating at him. He was having health problems I worried were stress related, that certainly didn’t help his mood. And there I was, unmarried, no kid, only working with Pop not a “real” job as far as he was concerned (HA!), none of the things weighing on him. Clearly, he would assume, my life must be better. That ignores my lived reality, but he always has ignored my point of view. As far as he was concerned I’d somehow cheated. And if my parents let me get away with it, well then, they must love me more.

So he promises to make my newborn nephew hate me. He picks on my continually. When I have a breathing attack and my heart goes nuts, he says to film it if I’m dying so he can watch it over and over laughing. He refuses to help us more than five minutes on the house extension, shouting “I can’t work with you people!!” And on and on. So why did I not see this final break coming?

He isn’t happy. Even hearing about him through Mom I can tell that. I wish I could help him, but I never could.

What’s strange is the fact I didn’t feel relieved by the break. Not seeing him meant sparing myself the weekly emotional rollar coaster, the walking on eggshells waiting for the moment he’s have a go at me. Instead I fell apart. I used to never cry, but I started then. I’d have meltdowns over it, thinking my life had hit the lowest it could get...the loss of my brother and nephew.

Of course, Pop started getting sick almost exactly then, and six months later he was diagnosed. It’s all been down hill from there! So I guess when you think you’ve hit rock bottom it might just be a bounce along the rock face as you keep plummeting.

My brother is still furious at me, and honestly I would apologize whether I feel I did anything wrong or not if I thought it would do any good. But I know him. If I apologize he would take it as proof he was right. He doesn’t do forgiveness, more like gloating and justification for further jerk behavior. I’m not even exactly sure what he would want me to apologize for.

I’ve tried asking Mom for advice, but he baffles her and she says there is nothing I can do. Pop couldn’t help when he was alive either, not only because he didn’t understand it but he was enduring his own continual insults from my brother. I watched Pop sit there sobbing after a phone call with my brother, while Pop was sick but not diagnosed. That makes me angrier than any of the things my brother ever did to me. Apparently, to this day my brother is angry at Pop for not finishing the extension. Well he died damn it!

The point is, all these experts that lecture how you must go to any length to have a good relationship with your siblings, tell me how the hell I can fix this. All those years of putting up with it, trying to make peace, trying to talk, reflexively saying I was sorry, occasionally arguing back intently and generally enduring sure didn’t help........

#comments #family #my family #sibling relationships #my brother

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kxdust · 7 years ago

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“Moonlight”

Title: Moonlight Chapter: 3/? Fandom: R5 Pairing: Rocky x Lucy (Fem OC) / Rydellington Word Count: 3,280 (all chapters) Summary:

This story is sligthy based on the novel/movie ‘A walk to remember’, with Rocky Lynch as the main guy. I would like to emphasize the “ sligthy based “ part, because the final product is a bit… AU/OC. You see, I haven’t seen A walk to remember since forever (because is the saddest thing ever!!) and have a really bad memory, so it’s not completely alike, which I actually think is a good thing because in that case is more /interesting/ since you don’t know how it’s going to end (to be honest, neither do I /o/)

Warnings: (for this chapter)

please if there is any warning (anything at all) you need me to write/tag let me know. be save, ppl!!

swearing... that’s all, I think.

Disclaimer: I don’t own R5 or the members of the band, sadly. But I do own their representation used here. Lucy, Will and other characters are all mine. I’m not saying anything of this is real and of course I mean not warm by writing this.

A/N:

[ let me point out the fact that I left this on drafts for like two weeks thinking I posted it *slow clap at self* ]

I’ve been enjoying writing again so here is another chapter, the longest so far!

I change the time while writing. I believe so far I have been writing on past tense, and this one I wrote it on present... trying to figure out which way is better for me. Sorry if that bothers you. (Also tell me which one you like better????)

Enjoy your reading!!

[ Chapter III ]

Lunch time goes as any other day, and so does the rest of the classes. Then, before Rocky can tell, he finds himself on the school auditorium. The guy can’t help but feel a bit weird being in that place since the only times he goes there are when Principal Patton does an important assembly and everyone is forced to attend.

The auditorium is a big outbuilding (all the students had to be able to fit inside after all, Rocky thinks). On two opposite sides there are six doors from where you can enter, each one leads to a few seat-rows higher the more they’re away from the main entrance.

Rocky walks throw that door; to his right there is a path of stairs and the seats, to the left the stage with a couple of steps on each side so that people can climb without having to go all the other way to the backstage entrance.

He gets distracted from admiring the place when someone runs into him, “Watch it!” he snaps right away.

“Sorry, bro.” the guy says back without even stopping, continuing his way to the stage.

Rocky groans, been incapable of doing something else, and turns around, making his way to the door. Not even five minutes have passed since he entered, but the entire atmosphere inside (the students, the noise and the decorations) is stressing him out.

“Hey, Lynch.” Someone calls before he can make it outside, “Where do you think you are going?”

Everything goes silence and Rocky knows is the teacher who is talking, Mrs Jackson? Jayson?

“Uhmmm… I forgot something on my looker,” he answers.

“Oh, is that so?” She asks, “And I guess you /reaaally/ need it, right?”

“Yes?... I mean, yes… I do.” Shit. “I forgot the detention thing you must sign to prove I was here.” Rocky actually finds an excuse after mentally hitting his head with the nearest wall for all the ramble he is doing.

“Okay, you can go for it,” the teacher said, believing him, “but Lucy is going with you.” Or not.

“What?” Rocky and a girl, Lucy, he suppose, say at the same time.

“I don’t need a babysitter, I’m capable of going on my own.” He complains, not only because his plan of getting out of there is mostly ruined, but also because he has never deal well with adults telling him what to (or not to) do.

“Sure you are. But you’re also capable of not coming back if I let you go by yourself,” the woman says back and Rocky kind of hate her.

“Whatever.” He groans, walking out of the auditorium, the soft taps behind letting him know Lucy is following him.

"So..." Lucy starts after a few minutes of silence, half way to the main building where the lookers are located. "Why theater?"

"I ask myself the same," Rocky answers through a laugh.

"Hmm?" the girl is puzzled of his internal joke.

"Do you really think I'm there because I want to?" is not a real question, but as he stops in front of her, to make his next point clear and lost as much time as possible, Rocky sees her shrugs. "Well, not. Is for detention, and believe me when I said I plan to spend little to no time there."

His voice is stern, almost making a promise out of it without even saying it. And he turns around to start walking again, slowly, so he can hear her question.

"Because of what happened with Will?"

It shouldn't be a surprise that Lucy knows, the whole school knows by this point, after all. But her being a wallflower just confirms it, and also makes Rocky wonder what people are saying about him that he doesn't know.

Not that he normally cares, but the idea of people thinking he is some kind of idiot for getting William on that situation and not helping him, makes Rocky feel a bit... Uncomfortable. Because yes, he is an idiot, but he didn’t meant for the accident to happen.

Wow. Mr. Patton will be surprised to know he does have a conscious after all.

"That's not your business" he defends himself.

"If it's for that then I will like to-"

"Hey!" Rocky cut her off. "Don't pretend you know me... Or what happened, for that matter, okay?" he is serious with his words as he stops once again, but this time to consider his options. They could continue to the hall at his right, go to his looker and then back to the auditorium or they could go to the left, where the football field is, lose more time and then go back with an excuse.

Yes, definitely that is the winner idea.

"I thought you said the paper was on your looker...” Lucy mention when she realized the guy isn't walking in the direction he should, “Rocky? Where are we going?" but he doesn't bother with replying.

No one says anything for a while after that, and for a moment he wonders if she is still following him. The constant sound of Rocky's rider-boots while hitting the ground with every step is the only sound between them until they arrive to the field and it is muted by the grass.

Rocky sits down, legs spread out in front and using his arms to support his weight as he leans back, the sunlight brushing his face. And sooner than wanted, his little moment of joy is interrupted with Lucy's voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Enjoying the sun," he honestly answers, opening just one eye to look at the girl with folded arms in front of her chest. "Don't you see?"

"I do. But you were suppose to go for the detention sheet, not a tan." she reprimand.

"Can't you let me have this? I have been indoors for the last eight hours."

"Just like every student any other day," Lucy points out. And it is truth, eight hours is the general period of school plus the time on extracurricular classes, that Rocky attends just the ones he wants on a daily bassist is different. But apparently the girl is tired of dealing with him, or realizes he isn't going to move any time soon, either way, she sits down next to him, cross-legged and less relaxed than the chestnut.

Their looks cross as Rocky turns on her direction to make sure she isn't going back and get him in trouble. "Oh, I'm Lucy, by the way." she introduces herself with a smile, offering a hand to the guy but retracting it when he glares at it. The smile despairing, as well.

"Don't bother with introductions," he says as he throws his head back once again, "I know who you are."

"You do?" there's is a slight tone of surprise on her words.

"Of course." he nods, "You're Lucy Pentland, we have been in the same schools since second grade when I first moved here. I honestly think you have been wearing those glasses since you were born." Rocky goes back to look at her, continuing enlisting things Lucy didn't know he was aware of. "Your dad owns the pizza place in Masson Avenue and you don't have plans to going to collage even though you're the only one in our class that actually could have a future out of this joke of a town... Like, why do you even bother with been the teachers' pet if you don't care?"

Rocky's lack of filter with his words is what always get him in trouble, he doesn't plan on been mean while talking, is just that he takes been honest way too far. Most of the time not even realizing how others can feel, most of the time not even caring.

That's why when Lucy's soft features become harsh as she glares at him, the guy doesn't understand what is her problem.

"You know, because if you- "

"Don't pretend you know me, okay?" this time is Lucy who uses the phrase, interrupting him as she stands and shakes off the bits of grass that managed to stick to her jeans. "And better get back soon, you don't want to make Mrs. Jayson angry."

And then she is off, leaving Rocky to question himself about why people are so sensible before he takes the detention sheet out of his bag pack, unfolds it and decides that no, he doesn’t want to make the teacher angry.

A/N:

Soooo... any thoughts? Do you think Rocky is actually going survive theater? What do you think about Lucy? I promisse you will get to know her better soon. Anyways… Thanks for reading, any kind of feedback is always welcome c: (and it also motivates me to write more *^*)

#rockyr5 #rocky lynch #rocky lynch fanfic #rocky lynch fanfiction #rocky lynch imagine #r5 #r5 fanfic #r5 fanfiction #r5 imagine #srsly i don't know how to tag /o/

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mysmess-seol-blog · 8 years ago

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Jumin's Treatment towards Jaehee (Jaehee's Route) - Korean vs. English Comparison

Hi♡

I got two questions that are very similar, but in two different languages whaaat~ this is actually a very good question! I was actually hoping that someone would ask me this question because I think there is a big clash between my opinion and a lot of opinions (mostly majority) I would assume ^^;;; I would be glad to answer this question, and as a sneak peak, I will tell you, I think quite similar to you! I’ll explain soon ^^

안녕하세요~^^ 칭찬을 너무 많이 하신것같아요!! 저도 현재 공부하는중이라서 아직은 여기저기 오타가있을수있어요ㅠㅠ 하지만 제가 공부를 도움을 줄수있다면 영광스러워요~^^ 설명은 당연히 할수있죠! 영어공부를 하신다고하니 영어로 분석을 하겠지만 만약에경우 한국말로 따로 설명이 필요하신다면 메시�� 보내시면 제가 설명해드릴게요^^ 블로그 방문해주셔서 감사합니다~^^

Okay! With the greetings out of the way, please join me under the cut if you would like to know more about why I don’t really sympathize or identify with Jaehee in this topic or the criticism towards Jumin for his behavior during Jaehee’s route.

Please note that although this is an analysis, there may be opinions that may differ or be consistent with mine! While I can give some sort of Korean background, for debatable topics, I do not represent all of the Korean minds for respective topics. Also, please excuse any errors or let me know if clarifications are needed, for English is not my first language! Thank you and enjoy!

So, I want to begin with my explanation before anything. I want to make it clear that I am not saying that Jumin's actions are justified, and yes, it is preeeetty harsh. But please do understand, in Korea...

This is not new.

I am currently a third year student in university, and I have been preparing for employment ever since high school. With Jaehee as Jumin's secretary for C&R, a big big company/conglomerate in the Mystic Messenger world, more than finding Jumin's actions something I couldn't identify with, I find Jaehee's actions more the case.

Employment in Korea is very difficult. I personally would dream to have Jaehee's job considering it is also my university major, but the probability that will happen is not that high even if I do have the best grades. Not only that though, but this is the reality of work culture. I hate to say it, but it is true. Yoosung mentions a bit about this issue in a chat. A degree won't get you anywhere and that sucks soooo much. I think I almost went through a mental breakdown when Yoosung said that tbh orz.

Working overtime or in Korean, 야근 is very common. Not having vacation time is very common. A boss like Jumin or more often the case, worse than him, is very common. Quitting the job the way Jaehee did? Not so much.

So I personally could not sympathize with Jaehee. For the sake of getting the good end, I did choose the answers that were pretty much telling Jumin to chill out and stop giving Jaehee so much work, but in all honesty, if I could say what I wanted to, I probably would have told her to suck it up. If a post would make people hate me, this would be it. This sounds worse than I initially put it off to be.

DON'T HATE ME YET.

Like I said. I am not saying that Jumin is right though. Of course I would want Jaehee to have a more easier time with her work. Who wouldn't?? Jaehee is a great character and in the later part of her route, she is just precious. I mean it, it is just that I can't sympathize or agree with her actions.

Her ending was so idealistic and something that even I wish were to happen to me as well. However, as idealistic as it is, I highly doubt it is realistic. It is fiction after all. I wish it weren't though.

Jumin's representation as Jaehee's boss is definitely a real thing, and I have experienced it one way or another. It is not something I enjoy and I can relate to how she feels. But like I said, it is her actions that I cannot relate with.

So, now that that is out of the way. I will go on with this post by comparing some parts of her route that I could compare and contrast, Korean vs. English!

I will probably make another part because there are lots of cases with this issue. I will just pick out a couple scenarios and move on from there.

I will start with this one.

Let me translate it for you,

Jaehee: At the time, I had too much work to do...is my only excuse right now.

Jumin: If you’re going to make an excuse, I want to hear a proper one.

Jaehee: 이사님 (CEO/president - not really Mr. Han), as you already know, there is a limit to the amount of work I do within my work hours.

Jaehee: I think I couldn’t reserve your ticket because I had other work on top to deal with. English translation: I think I forgot because there was so much work around that time.

☆☆ 한주민: 그럼 근무 시간을 늘려. ☆☆ Jumin: Then extend your work hours.

I want to star this because this was almost a deja vu for me.

It doesn’t matter what the excuse is. If there is a strict and existing hierarchy which we do see here, Jumin is always right. Sadly, that is the case here.

In my experience, I had something like this happen. My boss told me the only excuse he would take is a death certificate.

Well, he’s nice, right?

Welcome to the 야근 (working overtime) life Jaehee ^^

Jumin: Another department? The cherry farm ticket for Elizabeth...

Jumin: you had another department book my flight?

☆☆ 한주민: 난 처음 듣는 일이야 ☆☆ Jumin: This is the first time I’m hearing this.

☆☆ 강제희: 제가 너무 바빠서 그 쪽에 부탁을 했습니다. ☆☆ Jaehee: I was too busy so I asked them.

☆☆☆ 한주민: 나한테는 말도 안하고 말이군. ☆☆☆ Jumin: Without telling me.

Jaehee: ...first.

Alright, so I wanna bring this up because lol, something like this happened to me too.

That was my excuse. I was too busy because of my workload and I had forget to inform my superior about it.

My superior rolled up lots of papers and just smacked me in the head. It is a good memory.

The choices that the MC could say can either be supporting Jaehee and taking her side, but the other is more focus on your work kind of ordeal. I made this exact mistake before once in my life, and even I acknowledge that if I had told my boss about informing in this case, another department, I probably would not have gotten in that mess to begin with.

So in this case, I definitely know what it feels like to be in Jaehee’s shoes, but I do feel that Jumin’s words are justified.

Oh oh man. This one.

사과할 생각이 안 드는군. The thought to apologize does not come up. English translation: Of course I have no plans to apologize.

사과에 쓸 에너지를 회사에 쓰는 게 낫지. It is better to use the energy I could use to apologize to work. English translation: I would rather use the energy to work.

I remember a friend of mine from the US would tell me that that was what did it for her and Jumin. But to be honest, this is just a thing here in Korea. Not something I personally enjoy if I really think about it, but I’m used to it, so I’m not really affected by it. If it is a big company like in this case, C&R it is just kinda normal.

Not bashing my own country or anything, but there is just that kind of nuance.

Which brings me to my next point,

MC: 두분 다 점심은 드셨나요? MC:Did you both have lunch yet?

한주민: 난 미팅에서 일식을 먹었지... Jumin: I had Japanese food at my meeting...

강제희: 저는 아직 못 먹었습니다. Jaehee: I haven’t eaten yet.

☆☆ 한주민: 그 쪽으로 음식을 배달 시켜 주도록 하지. ☆☆ Jumin: I will have some food delivered to you.

강제희: 감사합니다... Jaehee: Thank you...

It’s not like he is brutally mean to her. Like, it’s not like he is going, “idgaf jaehee.” and to top if off, it isn’t like Jumin is overworking her while he is just playing around like what Zen is often saying.

Jaehee: My schedule is as full as yours and I don’t know if that will be possible.

Jumin: I know.

The last screenshot I have for today is when as anon said, Jumin get’s really angry and goes “damn” for a while. My screenshot is a little after the part where he is saying damn.

707: CEO/president’s emoticons

Jumin: =_=

707: He’s asking with him being all wealthy and whatnot, you would expect some manners but not in this chat lol.

Jumin: I’m angry.

MC: Why?

I think the English translation for the game is very similar! Well, except the cringy “Mr. Han.”

This is where I found Jaehee a bit ><;;;;; it is not like she hates Jumin’s guts and that she is not a member of the RFA anymore, but her leave was very abrupt and I don’t know how to explain it but if I were her and I really did want to quit.

I would have waited until he got another secretary tbh.

I mean, that’s just me.

Opinions do differ, but in my views and understanding, it’s not like Jumin was a terrible terrible boss in Korean work culture.

The last thing I want to talk about before I end this post is that Jaehee, I feel you girl, I really do.

She had a different dream, and we all know what that is if you reach the end of her route. I also am an avid believer pursuing what you want to do and enjoy what you are doing. Life is short after all.

But if I were in her shoes, even if I did per say, not enjoy my job, I would still go through with it because,

I have a job.

With unemployment as a huge issue here, I just can’t seem to wrap my head around Jaehee’s decisions sometimes, and I hate that I can’t because honestly, what she got, is my dream. A happy life doing what she loves.

I guess my brain thinks more like Jumin rofl.

Anyway, thank you for joining me in today’s analysis! Send in a request and I will get to them in the order of which they come in~^^

I may come back and add some more screenshots or examples, but for now goodbye~

- 류설♡

#askseol #mystic messenger #수상한 메신저 #mystic messenger translations #mystic messenger asks #mysme #mystic messenger jumin #mysme jumin #jumin han #mystic messenger jaehee #jaehee kang #mysme jaehee

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fandomfriendly · 6 years ago

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I want to be all diary like rn

so like I could just make a note of whatever I’m bout to say but I want it like live forever and i know literally no one on this damn site cares about what i have to say so here I am lol..

I’ve been in this weird pit of overwhelming emotions accompanied by the incapability of processing them for the past few years. It took me so much time to even realize I had such a problem with allowing myself to be a regular fuckin human and initially when I first started seeing the signs of how mentally unhealthily I was living I didn’t know what the fuck to do and abruptly cut off pretty much everything and everyone I loved. I became a fucking hermit. I kept telling myself I was doing it for the better, that I cut everything off and am gonna take my time to heal and grow as a person and when I feel better i will try to rekindle with everything and whatever doesn’t work, just wasn’t meant to be. Which is a mentally unhealthy thing to do in the first place and potentially not only harmed myself but those around me but life’s a fuckin cycle of realizing shit so,,,

Anyways I went through some hella hard times filled with anxiety and depression, literally every day was either full of tears and feeling every emotion at once or was empty and ghost like. But I pushed through it. I learned a lot about my self and how my mind works. I grew as a person and still am. I’m not sharpest in a lot of ways but i know I just want to be a kind and accepting person, not that I wasn’t all those years ago, it’s just that back then I couldn’t present myself as such as I didn’t even have the fucking motivation to live. I mean I like to think I was kind in others eyes but I also fucking hate thinking about what others might think me so again,,, lol. I just know now that I’m trying to be a better person, and I’m trying to learn more and do more this year than I have in the past four years.

I’m writing this now because I’m in a really good state of mind. This month alone I’ve had conversations I never thought I would with people that are so close to me yet knew so little about. That sounds so cryptic lmao. Basically i spoke with my closest family members about struggles mentally and the past and how emotionally traumatizing it was for them and in turn I allowed myself to open up about the exact same thing. A specific convo was with my mom, a woman who has been through hell and back. She told me about past abuse, most of which I was there to witness and we have talked about before, but this time it was different because we spoke as equals. I’m gonna be honest I didn’t open up as much as I could have but it felt like I finally walked over a hill I was dreading for so long. I used to just be a good fake and slap a smile on in difficult time probably not fooling anyone. It’s always been a problem opening up to my family and friends but send me a stranger and I’ll talk their ear off.. well sorta, so like in high school i saw a grief counselor who i guess was technically my therapist but she was a total stranger and the second she asked what I even need to see her for, I broke down. I swear she said like two sentences but I rashly explained all the shit i was dealing with in between fits of tears. At the second meeting I felt like she knew my whole life but somehow I still had more to say?? I literally don’t know how I was so comfortable sharing all that with a stranger so fast like I get it’s her profession and I would’ve opened up eventually and that it could’ve clicked in the back of my mind like ‘why waste time just tell her everything now!’ But idk I think if I were to talk with a stranger that is willing to listen, I would legit do the same thing.. idk.

Anyways, opening up in the slightest bit feels like a major accomplishment. And the fact that i could with my mom who, god bless her, did so much that was seemingly unhealthy and careless to others but meant the world to me, felt amazing. There’s that thing about high school being the time of your life and living it up- a pre show of college which I wasn’t really expecting to be true in the first place but what I didn’t expect was to be emotionally unstable dealing with anxiety, depression, self hatred and grief. So when all this shit hit me like a truck, I was left feeling numb not wanting to do anything with little to no interest in any previous hobbies and likings. I grew up feeling said things^ but didn’t realize until hs how worse it got over time. In the midst of all of that I didn’t know what to do and was having frequent anxiety attacks and even though I couldn’t explain it at all, my mom had a sort of understanding and allowed me to stay home like every damn day. Like I said wasn’t the greatest thing to do but it helped in its own way. In the first years of hs my relationship with my mom was rocky but towards the end she screwed her head on and became more mama bird then ever. We bonded and it felt much better, almost like we rekindled after a long time. Which is kinda true.

Another thing I realized in the past four years was how normalized death was to me growing up. Like by the time I was eight I went through at least six funerals which to my Catholic Mexican/Filipino family meant six mortuary family reunions, six forty day prayers full of greeting mama and papas, being one of the only children to not be playing in the backyard but rather doing the rosary with the adults and what my fam called the ‘Filipino golden girls’ singing walk with thee. Not to mention the other annual prayers with said golden girls where we had a Jesus of Nazareth statue that traveled from the Philippines for a whole week and just prayed for mercy and the souls of our dearly deceased. Like this was the norm for me.. but ALL of that did not prepare me for the deaths of two of the most important people to me. I mean I guess it did because after one of the passings, after a ton of tears and goodbyes in a hospital room, I got in the car and on the way home and immediately thought about where the nice tablecloth was and the saint statues and how to move the table we used as an alter at the previous prayers. So yeah I was prepared but not for the emotions.

Back to why I’m writing this now, i just feel happy??? Idk why this past week was a rollercoaster but overall I felt happy,,,, idk. Imma elaborate..(holy shit I said I could talk the ear off a stranger and look at me spilling hella shit about me rn to the three strangers who’ll see this and scroll right past lmao.) So hmmm, there was a party hosted at my house recently and I was hella excited, I felt like I looked great and was ready to party but as all other times when there’s a gathering of any sort at my house, this weird overwhlelming feeling pops up and fucks everything up. It’s basically a fucking anxiety attack but soooo much weirder than the ones I dealt with in school. I mean they’re both basically the same but these ones felt worse. Because not being able to leave my room for school full of kids I barely knew and not being able to leave my room for a patio full of family and friends that I’m mostly close too should not result in the same form of anxiety. Idk tho it’s all in my sick brain!! but yeah that shit sucked I stayed in my room the whole night, hungry and sober which were two of the things I was absolutely not supposed to be!! There were tacos, &(oops) my fave tequila, good music and fun things planned but that didn’t stop my sick brain from telling me nO. And another thing in this glorious month is —Father’s Day. liSTEN I’m hella damaged nd am not trying to get into ALL of this but to keep it short, my dad who wasn’t in my life until I was one and only very briefly until I was thirteen which also turned out to be very briefly until I was eighteen which you guessed, was also very briefly, just isn’t a good dad. i have a half sibling who I feel so bad for because her parents are literal idiots that just shouldn’t have had kids because they can barely take care of themselves. But the very brief moment when I was eighteen was because of said halfsibling that I was worried for but as of now that family is it’s own and I’m nowhere near it nor do I want to be. But really I wasn’t struggling with my own dad issues this time around but rather my grandpa. It’s just that i know Father’s Day is hard for him because he lost my grandma who gave him his babygirl, my momma. And I didn’t push any emotional induced conversation at all. But as we ate dinner the conversation was about how well he used to get paid as a server waaaay back when and that he’d have stacks in his pocket lmao we were like yeh okay as a waiter all right,, and he sorta slipped up and said, “No really! Ask Mama!” And I’m pretty sure only me and my brother in law heard because he moved on really quickly and there were side convos happening but like a wave of emotions came over me. I teared up the second I heard him say her name because it just reminded me more about how hard this day must be for him. And my throat is swelling up jus typing about it rn so I’m not gonna get eVEN more into it.

But yeah overall June has been okay. I have felt okay. And after months of not going on here I just thought “why not type about this?? This content feelin is all I crave and have been longing for and whenever I get it, in even the slightest, it should be appreciated and remembered.”

Whoop so like what’s some good things that happened in the last few months. Hmmm

Well I’m just finally acting, in the tiniest way ever, as an adult. I didn’t take grip of my life yet but like I took A STEP!!

I’ve got new things I like and am more open than ever to new things.

I’ve got hobbies!! I’m growing mint and wanna start and herb garden. I’m reading and learning a new language that I’ll probably never use but I’m learning it for fun and not for a grade or something and am taking my time with it. And a new language brings so much more!! More people, music, shows and writing!! I mean I’m at a hella basic level but all of those things are helping me.

I’ve thought about reigniting old flames lmao that sounds like getting intouch with old lovers but no. I mean creatively. In the past three years I barely even thought about drawing and in the past few months I found myself thinking about things I could draw up and cool ways to mix medias. I actually looked for my sketchbook and was gonna test it out but I saw some of my old work and got nostalgic and was almost putting myself in my shoes from that year and like that didn’t sit well so I haven’t tried. bUT at least I’m thinking about it again. I really think imma start again soon and just the thought of that makes me happy!!

I took up writing and the result is exactly what I thought,,, I suck at writing lmao but I tried and it was fun and it led me to find some writers online that made me cry over some fictional characters. some were fan fiction and??? A writer no less.. which really doesn’t need to be explained more especially on this site lol

I’m getting healthier. Not that I was suuuuper bad before but it was good either. I did have some horrible eating and sleep habits. I swear I was addicted to food like I ate to fill a void in me idk but l changed that shit real quick. And as for sleep,, well it’s still shit. Considering I started typing this at nearly six am nowhere near tired. Lately I’ve been falling asleep around 6:30am which indeed results in my waking up at noon or past it even but it’ll surely go back to the usual 2:30 to 10:30am schedule. Not too bad...

I’m dressing up again! I don’t go anywhere but catch me looking cute in a fit at home or 7-11. lol I used to be hella into getting dolled up for school and used to play around with hair cuts and colors and different makeup but then suddenly it was like mAYbe I’ll do my eyebrows today and rather than choosing good outfits I would wake up and change from my actual pjs to my outside pjs, loungewear, if you will.

Idk man i just am okay right now and that’s enough to keep me going. I haven’t had a really low point for a few months now and like I said I don’t get this content feeling very often so I’m just really soaking it all up. It’s good, I’m good.. 2018 is fucking flying and I didn’t think I’d get into new things this year but I did and I’m exited for more!!

#im excited that im alive but no necessarily excited about living this life #IM OKAY THO WHOOP I AIN GETTING DOWN NOW!!#its the middle if pride month like #idk okay im done lmao #me

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welcometoerinsworld · 7 years ago

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HOW LIFE IS GOING:

Life is going better. Things took a nose dive Thursday and Friday, but things are much better now. I was having a really hard time on Friday and posted in a facebook group about it. Didn’t realize someone I knew was in the group and he reached out to me shortly after I posted. I’ve known Josh since I was 15. I dated his best friend Sophomore year and we crossed paths over the next several years, but I haven’t seen him since sometime around 2005-2006, maybe earlier. It’s been a very long time. But, he reached out and we ended up talking for about four hours (!) and I felt a lot better by the end of it. We’ve talked several times this weekend and it’s been really nice.

WHAT I LOVED ABOUT THE LAST WEEK:

That it’s over? lol. Last week was an interesting week, but it did have some highlights. I really enjoyed reconnecting with Josh and finding out more about what’s going on in his life.

OH! And, then, on Saturday, Josh was messaging me about pizza places in the area. He served part of his mission in Salem and was talking about visiting sometime and I figured he was just wanting to know about good places to eat when he visits. Nope. His questions got very pointed and I eventually asked him what was up with all the weird questions about pizza. His response? “I’m ordering you a pizza. Get over it.” It was so sweet and so kind.

WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND:

Yesterday I prepared my lesson for today, did a bunch of homework, went for a walk, and talked on the phone a little bit with Josh. Today I got up early to finish my lesson, went through a bunch of photos from when I went home for Christmas a few years ago, went to church, came home, and have been relaxing all afternoon. It’s been nice. I spent some time reading The Count of Monte Cristo outside, which was so wonderful. I miss reading books outside in the sun. Hooray for it finally being warm with no rain!

I also recorded a video talking about the differences between the movie version and book version of The Count of Monte Cristo, but I didn’t post it on youtube. It’s such a dumb video. I was being all weird and going all over the place with it. Probably should have written a few ideas out before making the video. I’ll have to do it again sometime. lol. I keep meaning to record videos, but my life is so boring.

WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO:

School being over. lol. I’m also looking forward to going home for my family reunion, but I don’t know if that will happen yet. My boss hasn’t given me an answer on my vacation request, so I have no idea whether I will be able to go or not. I really hope I can. I miss my family. And I haven’t been to my family reunion since 2014. It’s been a long time. I miss camping and hanging out with my family out on the mountain. Pray, cross your fingers, sacrifice spiders, do pagan dance rituals, whatever you have to do. lol. I really want to go home.

These are some photos of the last time I was at the reunion:

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PLANS FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK:

No major plans this week. I took an extra shift on Saturday morning and am babysitting Saturday night, so those are about the only ‘out of the ordinary’ events I have planned. I should probably set aside some time to make a Mother’s Day gift for my mom. haha. I didn’t realize it was next week. I do have a gift that my sister and I went in on together, but I like to do something handmade, too, when I can.

WHAT I’M NERVOUS ABOUT:

Actually, I’m not too nervous about anything at the moment. Tomorrow the panic about midterms will probably hit, but right now I’m more even keel about life and don’t really feel nervous or stressed about anything.

WHAT I’VE BEEN DAYDREAMING ABOUT:

Stuff. lol. I’ve been daydreaming about things I’d like to do this summer, places I’d like to go, and people I’d like to hand out with.

HOW SCHOOL IS GOING:

I cannot wait for school to end. Seriously. This term hasn’t been super hard, but I’m just mentally not in it. Normally the “I can’t do this anymore” doesn’t hit until around Week 6, but it hit during Week 2 this time, so this term has been a struggle. It’s midterms this week, so it’s going to be brutal. *sigh*

As far as grades go, I still have all A’s, so at least I have that going for me. I’m pretty sure midterms will drop two of those down to B’s, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll remember more than I think I do on the tests.

HOW WORK IS GOING:

Work is going okay. Thursday was a bit on the crazy side. Kid 2 did just fine, which was nice. There were a few moments that were borderline behavior that I chose not to mark as behaviors because Kid 2 initially say no, but then did what I asked. The behavior notes say there has to be a request made three times before it is considered a behavior and Kid 2 complied on the third request, so it got close, but didn’t actually hit behavior. The crazy part was the extra shift I took Thursday night.

Have you ever wrestled a table? Well, I can now say I have. This kid decided to get underneath a table (after running around the clinic with me chasing after) and I couldn’t tell if the kid was trying to flip the table or walk around with the table on top or what, but I was all sprawled out holding the table in place with the kid underneath pushing it and tipping it periodically. I have some bruises on my knees and shins from that enjoyable activity. Once that kid get out of the behavior, though, it wasn’t too bad. Lots of questions and such, but no more running and doing weird stuff with a table.

Sadly, binders are back in preschool. Drat. Apparently that rotating supervisor didn’t have the authority to do away with binders, so they’re back. BUT, the good news is that the format has changed. Instead of spending FOREVER going through these super long preschool binders, we pick four pages a day and just do those. So, it’s peer play, group singing, book, four pages from the binder, and craft. Not too bad. We’re all a bit bummed binders are back, but we’re all soooo happy that it’s just partial binders. Hooray!

The super depressing news, though, is that Kid 2 is moving to another state in a month or so, so I’ll have to be assigned to a new kid. Not sure who they’ll assign me to yet, but I’m not super happy about it. Kid 2 and I have a great bond and working with this kid is the only reason I haven’t quit a few times over the last two months. I was seriously going to quit and never go back after that crap went down with my coworker, but I love working with this kid so much that I decided to stick it out and stay. Things have gotten ‘better’ with that coworker, but I may still leave after Kid 2 leaves. I guess I have a lot to think about.

HOW RUNNING IS GOING:

Running is not going very well. lol. I got back out on Tuesday, but the last mile was brutal. Instead of it just being my lower leg and foot hurting, it was all the way from my hip to my foot. I almost called someone to come pick me up and take me home, but didn’t want to bother anyone, so I just limped myself home. Kept wanting to go walk again on Wednesday and Thursday, but decided to take those two days off. Friday, well, Friday was a bust all over the place and I didn’t get out. Saturday, though, I got back out and walked slower. Got my whole route in, but made sure to just go at a leisurely pace and not even try to speed up. I may have to stick with that for the time being to get my leg used to doing this much distance. Feels so lame to have to go slow, but oh well. It happens.

That first little blip on Tuesday was when I first headed out, but then realized I’d left the oven on with lasagna in there, so I had to turn around and turn the oven off. lol. Kinda wonder if that had something to do with my leg hurting later.

WHAT BOOK I’M READING:

Well, I didn’t get a lot of reading in last week, but I did get one chapter read. lol. I read a chapter of Ghosts of War by Brad Taylor. Went to the park by my work to read it and had a lovely time. Then school kinda blew up and I didn’t feel like I had the time to read first and then do homework, so I went straight home from work Wednesday and Thursday. Didn’t have time to read after that. I’ll try again this week, but maybe not right after work. I think this week I’ll come home, do homework, and then take a break to read for half an hour during the evening.

GOALS FOR THIS WEEK:

Reached some of my goals, but not all of them. That’s okay, though. None of these really have a deadline, so I’ll just keep these the same as before.

Fitness

Slowly increase walking pace while maintaining a distance of at least 3.1 miles

School

Get a little ahead with homework

Work

Get Kid 2 to the bathroom more often

Personal

Read at least one chapter of a non-school book

Religious

Be more consistent at reading my scriptures

HOW I DID ON LAST WEEK’S GOALS:

Fitness

Slowly increase walking pace while maintaining a distance of at least 3.1 miles

Kinda did this, kinda didn’t. I maintained my distance, but didn’t increase my pace at all. I actually went much slower with my pace. Oh well. At least I have my distance down.

School

Keep on track with being a little ahead with homework

This did not happen. Again. I mean, I got my homework done, but I’m nowhere near getting ahead. I still have homework that’s due tomorrow left to do and then it’s on the this week’s regular homework. It should be okay, though. It’s midterms, so things will be crazy, but the midterms are timed, which means I don’t have to spend hours and hours trying to get an assignment done. Thank goodness for that. So there’s hope for at least getting everything done by Saturday night.

Work

Get Kid 2 to the bathroom more often

This one actually worked out pretty well. Kid 2 stopped saying “Don’t touch me,” so that was nice. Went to the bathroom each time without issue and Kid 2 even used the toilet with Kayla on Tuesday!!! Hooray! We’re all pretty excited about that. Kid 2 has been doing a lot better about going into the bathroom, so that has made getting to the bathroom more often easier. I’ve been using my ipad and flipping through pictures or showing short videos, which seems to help a lot. I’ll keep up with this and hopefully by the time Kid 2 moves, this will be much, much better.

Personal

Read at least one chapter of a non-school book

Yes! I did get one chapter read of a non-school book! I’m so excited about that! lol

Religious

Be more consistent at reading my scriptures

I switched this up a bit and have been listening to my scriptures while getting ready for work in the morning. It’s nice and seems to make the day flow a bit better.

ISSUES/PROBLEMS/CONCERNS:

Just the usual: having enough time to get what I need to do done this week. I have a 7am staff meeting tomorrow, which I haaaaaaaaaate, but after that I should be able to finish my Quality Management assignment before the end of the day. My hope is to get started on my psychology assignment Monday evening, but I don’t think that will happen. My QM stuff always takes way longer than I think it will, but who knows. I’ve already listened to my hour-long lecture and done some of the prep work. Hopefully it won’t take more than 7 hours to finish. Cross your fingers for me.

WHAT ELSE IS NEW:

Nothing I can really think of.

So, I guess that’s everything. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

5 Minute Life Update 5/6/18 HOW LIFE IS GOING: Life is going better. Things took a nose dive Thursday and Friday, but things are much better now.

#College #Employment #Exercise #Goals #Homework #Life #my life #Relationship #Running #school #Status #Tracking Goals #travel #University #Update #Weekly Update #What I&039;m Up To #Work

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y0ung-and-l0aded · 7 years ago

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so ah... you home yet? :-P

LOL I’m sorry! But here we go, 1-100!

Is a kiss considered cheating? Imo, yes

Have you ever faked orgasm? Ye…

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? To be able to live completely normally and healthily with no sleep

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? LOL NAH

Tell us some funny drunk story. Lol ummm I don’t really think I have any funny ones. OH WAIT one time I was at a party and I called Meghan really drunk and I bitched out this one person real hard and she thought it was hilarious but then again that’s probably only funny for certain people… welp. All my other drunk stories are depressing LOL

Why are you no longer together with your ex? Which ex? For each one there are different reasons

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Anything that wasn’t painful and also involved my listening to really good music as I died

What are your current goals? To hit 500 then 1000 subs on YT, to get a new position at work, and honestly to just not have a life crippling mental breakdown

Do you like someone? Yes

Who was the last person to disappoint you? Lol nah

Do you like your body? No

Can you keep a diet? HAHA NO WAY

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I have no idea, that’s to philosophical and deep for me

Do you work? Yes

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh fuck seriously? Ummm probably steak lol

Would you get a tattoo? I mean I have 7 so yeah

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? ALL my money? Well all my money basically goes to rent, gas, and food - so that stuff I guess

Can you drive? Yes

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? I don’t remember

What was the last thing you cried for? It was a person

Do you keep a journal? No

Is life fun? Sometimes actually

Is farting in front of people irrelevant? Depends on who haha, I’m that guy

What’s your dream car? A MAZDA BABY

Are grades in school important? Fuck no, unless you fail and can’t get your degree

Describe your crush. No thanks

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Omg omg omg Train to Busan. Check it out, it’s soooo fucking amazing

What was your last lie? That I was okay

Dumbest lie you ever told? I can’t remember. I’m sure I’ve told many dumb lies

Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Not really for me honestly

Something you did and you are proud of? Getting into the Crane school of music

What’s your favourite cocktail? DONT JUDGE ME but a screwdriver

Something you are good at? Knowing really random knowledge about video games

Do you like small kids? YESSSS

How are you feeling right now? Indifferent but a little sad

What would you name your daughter/son? Son: Price - Daughter: I have no idea tbh

What do you need to be happy? Someone who loves me as much as I love them, but I’ve been trying really hard lately to be happy on my own

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? No I would never punch someone

What was the last gift you received? I don’t remember, probably something around Christmas time

What was the last gift you gave? Tickets to an Imagine Dragons concert

What was the last concert you went to? twenty one pilots last summer

Favourite place to shop at? UGH so difficult. Target or Walmart or Aero lolol

Who inspires you? Stumpt

How old were you when you first got drunk? I was a junior in high school but I don’t remember the age

How old were you when you first got high? Same as above

How old were you when you first had sex? Tenth grade

When was your first kiss? Tenth grade

Something you want to do until the end of this year? By the end of this year? What? I don’t get this. But I’d like to get to 500 subs by the end of the year

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? I normally would say no bc I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and all those things shaping who you are as a person. But yes there is one exception

Post a selfie. Ugh I’m too lazy for that sorry. Just find my Twitter or something lol

Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not really sure anymore

Name one thing that terrifies you. Being raped

What kind of books do you read? I don’t read much anymore, sadly

What would you tell your 12 year old self? That I was going to turn out trans lol

What is your favourite flower? I don’t have one

Any bad habits you have? Yes

What kind of people are you attracted to? People with a good sense of humour, friendly and inviting personality, and I usually notice people by their smiles

What was the last thing you cried for? I think this was asked?

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? I hate mint anything and I can’t do really spicy food

Are you in love? I’m not sure

Something you find romantic? I don’t have the energy for this question rn lol sorry

How long was your longest relationship? 2 and a half years

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Guys who say bro/lit/turnt, guys who use gay as an insult, and guys who think they’re cool bc they’re guys

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Girls who say bro/lit/turnt, girls who use gay as an insult, girls who think they’re hot shit bc they’re defined by society as pretty

What are you saving money for? My survival HAHA LML

How would you describe your bad side? Dark and depressing and run before you get to know it

Are you actually a good person? Why? Idfk

What are you living for? I’m not sure

Have you ever done anything illegal? Yes lol

Do you like your body? No and this was asked already DEAR LORD

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? No

Ever sent nudes? Kind of

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes

Favourite candy? It goes in waves, but I think rn it’s Crunch bars

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! No I don’t use Tumblr much anymore

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? YES AND MINECRAFT

Favourite TV series? The Great British Bake Off

Are you religious? Does God exist? No I am not and I don’t believe in God, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t exist

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? I can’t remember tbh

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Why do I have to have an opinion on this???? Who cares????

How long have you been on Tumblr? Oh geez ummm six years I think

Do you like Chineese food? FUCK YES MOTHA FUCKA

McDonalds or Subway? UGHHHH BOTH

Vodka or whiskey? Vodka for sure

Alcohol or drugs? Drugs (as in pot if you count that, not other drugs)

Ever been out of your province/state/country? Yes

Meaning behind your blog name? It’s lyrics from an MCR song

What are you scared of? Being raped, being burned alive, drowning, getting shot, and getting in a car accident

Last time you were insulted? Idk

Most traumatic experience? Having the cops called on me for being suicidal

Perfect date idea? Depends on the mood but I’m down for just snuggling and watching horror movies and/or getting high together but also dressing up and going out to dinner is real nice too

Favourite app on your phone? The texting app bc that’s all I really do. And email I check my emails on my phone

What colour are the walls in your room? Beige

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? YES YES YES and Stumpt is my favorite channel

Share your favourite quote. “Maybe it’s because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don’t want to walk around angry, or maybe it’s because I finally understand. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we can’t live without, but have to let go.” - JJ, Criminal Minds 6x02

What is the meaning of life? I have no fucking idea I don’t think there is one

Do you like horror movies? YES

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Yes, many times, and for many reasons

Do you feel lucky or special in a way? No

Can you keep a secret? Yeah

Thanks anon, sorry it took me forever haha. Feel free to come off anon? Interested in who you are. You seem swaggy.

#answered

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

Text

Survey #227

“it’s my party, and i’ll die when i want to.”

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? On the rack that's on the bathroom door. What kind of mouse pad do you have? It's just a simple black one. Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush? A comb. If you had a choice to be a unicorn or mermaid which would it be? Probably a unicorn? Idk. I think unicorns are cooler, but I guess being a mermaid (as depicted in the media, however) would be fun. Can you do a hand stand? No. If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? Fuck man emo hair is the way to go don't even try to change my mind. What movie are you embarrassed to admit you’ve watched? None, really. Would you rather spin upside down going 30 miles or drop 400 ft. into water? Well, dropping 400 ft. into water would literally result in your body exploding upon impact with the water; at that height (I'm pretty sure that's high enough, anyway), the water's surface would be like concrete at the velocity you land. Soooo, the former. I'd like to live. What's your favorite shape? "I don’t really have one. I guess the shape of women’s bodies? Like, all kinds of them? Whooooopsie gaysie!" <<<< HAHAHA YOOOOOOOOO THIS. If you were put in a room with nothing except for a pencil and paper, what would you write? Doodle meerkats or write poetry. Do you use deodorant? Does anyone who can afford it and in America not? I'm ignorant to if that's a societal standard in other places in the world. Do you think you’ve grown as a person since this time last year? I honestly don't know. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be? Can I PLEASE weigh around 120 again??? Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like? Well, I didn't not like him. I kinda had a crush on him in high school for a brief period, but we lost communication throughout school. When he asked me out a few years ago, I only agreed to it as a test, I guess. He was a good person, and again, I had liked him. It was a "get to know one another (again)" thing. It was still very, very unlike me, though; I usually date people only when I know I'm into them. Looking back, it really was mostly an "I don't want to hurt his feelings" thing. What are some of your morals? "I wouldn’t say I have any unique morals or things like that. I just…don’t do harm and treat people like I’d want them to treat me." <<<< Pretty much this. I don't see my morals as unordinary. Just hopefully the usual good person. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I wouldn't even fucking hesitate. Do you like your smile, or are you unhappy with it? I hate it. I look high when I smile. My eyes squint too much. If you were starving on a freezing mountain, would you eat your friend? No. Some things aren't worth living after. Out of all your friends, who can you count on the most? Sara. Do people who say they’re depressed bother you? I actually don't think any other survey question I have EVER come across boils my blood like this one. Fuck no they don't. Depression isn't a goddamn choice. Rot the fuck in Hell if depressed people "bother" you. Their mental illness is far, far, far fucking more an inconvenience to the victim than to you. What do you think of hunting? By this point in my animal/wildlife conservation and welfare eruption, I'm perfectly open in calling you a goddamn asshole if you hunt for any reason other than survival. There is something seriously wrong in your head if you get fucking pleasure out of ending a life without reasonable cause. Damn man, this surveys getting me fired up, lmao. White lies aren’t dangerous; true or false? They can be. Do you pretend your crush is with you when you’re home alone? I mean, I can daydream? But I don't actually like, pretend they're present. How many times do you go behind your parents’ back weekly? Never. Do you tend to go for people older or younger than you? Older or the same age. I don't mind if they're slightly younger though, so long as they're of legal age of course. If you became a doctor, would you help your patients kill themselves? I am 110% in favor of assisted suicide when a patient is diagnosed with a terminal malady. Forcing a human being to suffer 'til their inexorable death via the hands of their illness is, to me, torture. I genuinely do think I'm a very compassionate and gentle person, so while it would be ABSOLUTELY heartbreaking and probably scarring, I actually feel I'd be a good option for a doctor euthanizing a qualified patient. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off? I haven't been to very many at all, actually. The one I remember that I've attended a few times, I handled just fine. They're fun to me. If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie? I didn't watch it, so I really can't make a fair judgment, but from what I've seen and heard (so take this with a grain of salt), the acting is horrid and the romance is very poorly composed. Would you rather be called babe or darling? The latter. Does the movie Titanic make you cry? Oh Lord, yes. We (surprisingly) watched it during one of my psych hospital stays, and even some of the guys were teary-eyed. What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play PokemonGO when I'm in enough of an urban area to be able to lmao. Which Disney princess resembles you the most? *shrugs* Which fairytale seems closest to your life story? Rapunzel being trapped in her home, lmao. What color was your first phone? Hm... I believe it was blue? Was your first phone a flip phone? I don't believe so; it slid upwards. What is your favorite pizza parlor? I'm a basic bitch that finds Domino's to be the bomb diggity. What is an old website that closed down that you miss? Hm... I'm not sure. Well, the site itself didn't close down, the Animal Planet's Meerkat Manor forum and games are dearly missed by me. Have you ever had an embarrassing period story? If so, what happened? Not that I recall, thankfully. What was your worst experience in high school? My depression. How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember, but I know it wouldn't have been all that expensive. Did you cry at your high school graduation? I only teared up very slightly. Did you cry at your college graduation (if applicable)? N/A, but I'm sure I will out of so much pride and joy. Do your parents try to stop you from chasing your dreams? Hell no. My parents are so, so supportive Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? I miss Megan so, so much. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Two. What instrument did you play in the marching band? I wasn't in the marching band, but rather the normal one. I played the flute. Who got kicked off of your favorite talent show that you were mad about? Okay, so I remember one year, there was this very quiet, shy, and darkly-styled young man with a love for metal on America's Got Talent. Everyone was expecting a screamo mess, and then he belts out FUCKING BEAUTIFUL opera. Everyone lost it, myself included, and the sweetheart started crying. Sadly, he was eliminated the next round because his nerves got to him, poor thing. Do you own the entire series on DVD of any TV show? If so, what? Meerkat Manor. What show did you always want to be on when you were a kid? None, really. Can you tell the difference between Mary-Kate and Ashley? I think I could as a kid? I haven't seen them in forever and half. Who is your favorite set of twins? *shrugs* What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? Idk? Have you ever thrown up in public, in front of someone else? If yes, was it embarrassing? Yes, but I was in kindergarten, so it wasn't too embarrassing. I was just surprised. Did you ever take your dog to school? Whoa... this brought back memories. I believe I did bring Teddy to school one day in elementary school... 5th grade, maybe? I can't recall what the occasion was, though. Name one person you know who had a baby in high school. I don't remember her name. Describe your dream wedding in three words. Autumnal, personal, memorable. What do you hate the most about summer? The fucking heat. What is your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? Just swim around. Which part of your body is the most muscular? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BOY I couldn't even GUESS. My legs are recovering from muscle atrophy, so OBVIOUSLY not them. My arms aren't impressive. Neither is my stomach at all. I honestly don't know. What was the last race you ran called? Brittany??????????????? running a?????????????????? r a c e??????????????????????????????? Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? Valentine's Day. Do you find kite flying boring? I haven't done that since I was a kid, but BOY did I LOOOOOVE it back then! I'd probably still find it kinda fun. What is your favorite musical? Musicals make me cringe. Have you ever seen a Broadway show? No. What is the best summer camp you have ever been to? Well, I remember as a kid, one of the vacation Bible schools I went to was pretty fun. It was Hawaiian-themed. Have you ever ran a cash register? Never. Ever. Fucking. Again. Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? I've never been on one, but I hate even just the sensation you get when the elevator goes up or down. I immediately get dizzy and nauseous. It's so bad that I even experience this in video games if you have to jump from a large height. What is your favorite roller coaster? N/A How and when were you baptized, if applicable? Hell if I remember. Have you been baptized more than once? No. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Carve it. Have you decorated for fall yet this year? No. Do you own pumpkin earrings? No, but now I want some. That sounds so cute. Have you ever asked someone to be your Valentine? I mean, not really? I've had s/os on Valentine's Days, so being each other's is kinda just... a given. What was your favorite video game to play with your brother? My older half-bro, when he lived with us anyway, used to play this mercenary game (I don't remember the name) that I LOVED watching him play. Idk why. Really when he played anything I would sit right beside him and watch. What computer game did you used to play all the time? Amazon Trail 3 was my cocaine, hunny. Do you like the name Ellery? I guess it's kinda cute... but it reminds me of celery. Do you find cemeteries pretty? "Pretty" isn't the word I'd use, but I find them aesthetically pleasing. They're more like... mysterious, enchanting. Does your phone screen freeze a lot? Often enough... Who is the better cook in your household? My mom. What by your definition is the naughtiest thing you have done? I guess the time I was entirely naked and him just in boxers going the fuck at each other on the chaise in the living room when we were home alone one night. Or maybe when we "slept" in my sister's room one night (can't remember exactly why) and we just fooled around the entire night instead. He came on her bed multiple times, hence why I guess it fits "naughtiest." (Yes, yes, he cleaned it up, calm down.) I honestly haven't done anything too wild. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? The Joel situation I've told before. Which room of your house are you in? Mine. How many blankets do you sleep under? One thick one. I miss my school lunch menu.. what’s the fave thing on yours? Okay real talk, my high school chicken sandwiches were The Good Shit. Do you like your best friend's parents? Could you even tell me their names? I love them, and I could, but it's not my business to share that online. Anything silly that annoys you? (I hate hearing nails being clipped) I really hate people going in/out the opposite door. Why are you where you are right now? I absolutely have to take a mental health day from school, so I'm home in my room. Did you used to watch Blues Clues? Of course. What's your opinion on people wearing high heels to school? I feel very sorry for your feet, aha. But I don't care if you do, go for it. What difficulty do you play on Guitar Hero? I used to play like, everything on expert, but now if I do, I can barely manage expert on most and have to do hard. Do you stutter when you get nervous? BADLY. You’re at the grocery store, what 3 fruits do you get? Strawberries, apples, grapes. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Sleep deprivation lmao. Love these night terrors + nightmares. What do you think about dating websites? Whatever. I definitely think there are better, safer ways, but it's not a huge deal. Just go into it with a genuine heart and mind of wanting to find love. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner to enjoy life with. Do you wear contacts or glasses? I wear glasses. I wish I could do contacts, but noooo sir. I had them very briefly again earlier this year, but I just couldn't; all I could do was feel them there, mainly the weighted one in my left eye because my vision is so bad in it. They just bugged me too much. What is one memory you have from elementary school? Making our own butter in 4th grade came to me first. We walked through school singing this annoying song while we shook our jars. Do you own a pair of converses? A few. How many fridges are in your house? One. Are you easy to get along with? I hope so, but idk. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? She's over 800 miles away lmao. What kind of people are you attracted to? Platonically or romantically? Well, with either, I'm drawn to compassion, a tranquil mind, empathy, gentleness, romance if we're talking romantic attraction, a deep thinker, wisdom, creativity, uniqueness/individuality, just, funny, thoughtful, charitable, concerned with nature/love and kindness to animals, intelligence... There's a lot. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I don't see why I wouldn't be. Do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair's too short now for that. It'd feel weird. I used to like it, though. Do you think there is life on other planets? Probably. Do you like bubble baths? I don't enjoy baths period. Who are you most comfortable around? My mom, or Sara. Depends on the subject matter. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I wouldn't. I'm strictly monogamous and to me would feel like cheating. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing, but I panic inside. What are you paranoid about? My loved ones secretly hating me or leaving me, being raped, people thinking I'm weird (and not in a good way), stuff like that. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don't think so. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No. Been arrested? For what? No. Craving something? What? Nothing. What color are your towels? They're varied. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Favorite animal? MEERKATS. Opossums are #2. Favorite character from Mean Girls? I don't remember the characters at all. Favorite actress? Betty White. Favorite actor? BITCH Markiplier, lmao. But okay if you mean a "real" actor, probably Johnny Depp. Last time you were in an elevator? Thursday when I had to go upstairs to my Writing class. It's absolutely humiliating, but I can't make it up two flights of stairs due to my muscle atrophy without people asking if I'm okay. Even going down is dangerous for me because my legs ABSOLUTELY QUAKE and I have to go extremely slow. I go down via stairs anyway though for practice. I'm going to fall one day, I know it. I’m sure we all know what your name is… so, tell us what your boss’ name is? N/A Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy paste them and fill them out yourself? Yes; I love learning about my friends. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for them. Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Well yeah. Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? It is pierced. What woke you up this morning? A nightmare that resulted in me screaming almost the loudest I ever have in my life. My throat hurt for quite a while. What was your favorite sweet as a child? Reese's cups. Still are. Do you own a lunch box? Yeah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once, oops. If there was a fire, what would you take with you? The very first thing I'd grab would be Teddy, then Roman, Venus, and then my laptop, probably. How many people have the same middle name as you? The majority of the white female population lmao. Does your house have a white picket fence? The backyard does. Have you ever needed to call the police? 911 when we thought my mom was having a heart attack. What are you best at? Writing, I guess.

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