#hes so cute and hes a cryptid creature of some kind

[dadsbongos]

do u think u could write some of ur own personal headcanons for laios? i love the way u write him, it seems almost canon!

anon you dont know what fire youre messing with

also thank yew hehe :>

general headcanons:

Laios likes babysitting but does NOT want to be a real papa, he adores the idea of being the Cool And Strange Uncle but just imagining having to raise a whole person from scratch terrifies him

Usually conks out as soon as his head hits the pillow and he’s a damn heavy sleeper, he strikes me as someone that gets the dad snore when he’s a bit older

Likes doing physical activity in the moment, maintaining his stamina/strength n whatnot. But HAAATES the aftermath, he will not stop bitching about how gross he feels when sweaty

People scare him but I think men specifically scare him more than women because he mainly associates “men” with his old boarding school and military peers and his dad. Meanwhile the most callous woman he’s personally dealt with is like. his mom… who wasn’t particularly menacing and he doesn’t seem to resent her as much as he does his father

Most definitely called Chilchuck “chil” in their early days together and got his nuts sacked for the unintentional disrespect

Doesn’t drink often because the taste bugs him but when he does decide to, he drinks to get drunk. So it has to be a special occasion

The type of older brother to tell Falin food fills up your body from your feet to your head and when you’re full to your head you die

modern headcanons:

Definitely the type to unironically use little emoticons like :) or :] but his favorites are the cute ones like :3 , ^.^ , and :0

Would’ve played barbies with Falin as a kid and enjoyed it more than Falin did lol

If he were out with the group (marcille would have to threaten his life though, he would HATE “going out”) and Marcille or Falin deferred to him to deal with creepy men he’d feel like a superhero about it

Borderline mandated to have a high impact phone case by Falin because he’s GOT to be dropping that shit all the time. I just know it (projecting)

Would probably dislike resident evil as a series but thinks the premises are cool

Bouncing off that: he’s a big Undertale and Deltarune fan (definitely had a thing for Toriel at some point and probably thought sans was kind of overrated). Has ambivalent feelings towards fear & hunger, likes the atmosphere and item preservation and monsters but the assault scenes and overt brutalism ick him out from recommending it

Would go his whole life without an autism diagnosis until eventually held at metaphorical gunpoint by his friends, just for his parents to go “oh yeah we had you tested as a kid but didn’t want you using it as a crutch”

If monsters weren’t real he’d be cryptid autistic just so everyone’s on the same page

Cryptids major and ocean creatures minor type autism

I don’t think he’s straight by any measure but before he has the Realization, he’s the epitome of the girls gays and coleman meme

Segue omg: he has no desire to think more about his sexuality or gender than “i feel x” or “i choose y”. I think he identifies as Man(TM) but in a “its harder to explain i want to be a bog” way. If you referred to him with feminine pronouns or called him “girl” he seriously wouldn’t give a shit 

nsfw(?) headcanons:

Could never do casual, you would have to be committed or only know each other VERY distantly and only do it once. His ass wouldn’t know how to read your relationship if you were trying to do friends with benefits (he’s also very concerned with hurting people’s feelings so just the notion of accidentally doing that to someone he’s intimate with would kill him)

May seem strange coming from a bitch always talkin about fucking him, but I think Laios would actually have kind of a lower sex drive. Like he maybe doesn’t get needy very often but also isn’t NOT in the mood, so if you proposition him and he’s into you he’ll be like “okie :3”

That being said, when he does feel needy he’s NEEDY. It’s debilitating, he genuinely can’t do or think of anything else until his poor wee is taken care of :( poor guy aww

I can see him being a virgin until his early-mid 20s and having no shame about it (good for him go king, virginity is nothing to be ashamed of it literally doesn’t matter)

Also by virgin i mean rice purity test score of like 97

Swears he doesn’t like having his cock worshipped (says its weird and embarrassing) but he’s so flustered n drooly and babbles the whole time

Biter 

[ennaku-sirri-da]

[ Comic ID: Fancomic of the game Smile For Me set many years after the game. It currently features Putunia Mollar and Dr. Habit. The style is fast and loose, sketchy, flexible and toony. It is uncolored with any filling-in only being done in grayscale.

There is a doorframe decorated with drawn, splashy-looking flowers. A bit of the name 'Boris' is seen engraved. Now the small bell beside the florist's door is jingling as someone walks in.

Habit, here has grown out a beard that's littered with flowers, present in his hair as well. He looks up with a little question mark and turns, a smile forming. " Ah!" He says, with a smiling emote.

" Hell-o Petoonia!" He greets an older Putunia walking in, taller and with a hoodie, freckles. She has a withdrawn posture as she strolls in, hands in pockets. The ajar door reads ' Boris Floris'.

She shuts the door behind her. She speaks in allcaps throughout, " Whats up, Uncle Boris?" He replies with a surprised emote and characteristic spelling errors, " The sun! But is setting very fast. " She laughs, looking more relieved. He offers with another smile emote, the same type of errors continuing throughout " Would you like a soda pop? Lemonade?"

Putunia stands a little distance from him, bent over. She calmly replies, " I think I'm good." Habit is hunched over on the floor, shifting boxes of "Miracle Grow" and "Meal", a few flowerpots seen beside him. He squints with an eyebrow-raising emote, " ...Hmmm" "What's that face for?" she asks. Habit trails off in a silence.

He gets up, dusting off his hands and adopting a more weary, concerned face. He gets to the point, " I can tell there's a sad in your heart. " "Okay, you got me." " Did something happen?" She gets awkward, "Uhhh...."

The next panel shows her face changing over three shots seperated by vertical dividers. First she looks off vacantly to the side. Then she closes her eyes, face wrinkling slightly as she breathes a long sigh. Finally she looks down to the other side, unhappily. " They called."

A dark shading covers the background next. Putunia looks a little more angry as she continues, "My parents found our landline somehow...I should've just hung up the moment I realized. " Habit looks on in worry at this revelation, holding what looks like paper in one hand. End ID]

Page 1 This is turning out longer than I'd expected as I've got 2 more pages like this and counting but anyway! Comic about older Putunia dropping by Uncle Boris's shop for a chat. [Text under cut:]

Panel 1: -jingle jingle-

Panel 2: Habit: "?" "Ah! :-] " (? Ah! -smiley emote-)

Panel 3: Habit: "Hell-o Petoonia!" (Hello Putunia!)

Panel 4: Putunia: "WHAT'S UP UNCLE BORIS?" Habit: "Th-e sun! But is setting verry faste. :-O " (The sun! But it's setting very fast. -open mouth emote-) Putunia: "HAHA!" Habit: "Wuld youm like a sodie pop? lemomade? :-) " (Would you like a soda pop? Lemonade? -smiley emote-)

Panel 5: Putunia: "I THINK I'M GOOD." Habit: "....hmmm ',:-/ " (....Hmmm -raised eyebrow emote-) Putunia: "WHAT'S THAT FACE FOR?" Habit: "......"

Panel 6: Habit: "Eye can tell there's a sad in your heart." (I can tell there's a sad in your heart." Putunia: "OKAY...YOU GOT ME." Habit: "did soemthing habben?" (did something happen?) Putunia: "UHHH..."

Panel 7: Putunia: "..." "siiiiiiiiiiiggghhh." "THEY CALLED."

Panel 8: Putunia: "MY PARENTS FOUND OUR LANDLINE SOMEHOW... I SHOULD'VE JUST HUNG UP THE MOMENT I REALIZED."

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

Cryptid! (Alien) Kenji HC's

The first thing you noticed about him was his eyes. They would always be gray, dusty blue, or some sort of purple. Never normal eye colors. At first, you just thought it was the trick of the light or Kenji just wore eye contacts.

Nope to both. One morning you decided to stare intently into his eyes and cup his cheeks so that he wouldn't move away. So, it wasn't the trick of the light.

"Kenji...do you wear eye contacts?"

"Uh...no. Why?"

"Your eyes change color then...a lot, actually!"

The second thing you noticed was the aura around him. He looks human, talks human, acts human, and physically feels human but something about him is just so off-putting. Especially when he's in the dark and his eyes reflect light.

His intense stare, tall frame, long arms, and long legs just makes you feel as if...if he wanted to hurt you, he could easily be able to. But more in a more cryptic way.

His pupils dilate like an owl's, usually when he's in a really sappy mood. You thank God that he doesn't do that in public. And you find it cute. Creepy but cute. But you also notice how the eye dilation leaves quickly if the happy feeling is fleeting. So you figure he probably has done it on the baseball field but his must've only done it when he scored and it just so happens the camera's, shockingly, never catch it.

He also has white glowing spots along his back, kind of like a fawn. The glowing spots are rare-ish, they usually come out when he's working out.

All of these little traits make you question what he is. Is he an alien or creature impersonating a human since childhood? What are his parents? What do his ancestors look like?

When he told you he was Ultraman it sorts of clicked. You always figured Ultraman had to be some sort of otherworldly being. That led to this question

Red is Kenji, blue is you

"Ok so...what IS Ultraman?"

"....Ultraman is...me?"

"No...like...what ARE YOU??"

"...Japanese?"

"Omg...Kenji...you do realize that you do very strange things that aren't humanely possible...correct?"

"....what?"

You explain to him everything you've seen his body and its kind of...screws with him a bit.

You mean to tell him that not only did he not fit in America, or more importantly, his birthplace.... HE DOESN'T FIT IN AS A HUMAN BEING EITHER???

You felt bad after saying what you said and therefore let him know that you love him and all of his weird traits.

That made him feel better...a little. But now he became self-conscious of every step or motion he made.

You saw this and it made you feel worse

This is getting sad...

That's all I got, if you have any ideas, lmk

[honesttoglob]

Ok so few thoughts on the Season 2 Bigtop Burger Supercut:

- Apparently the "freakazoids" that Cesare and the underworld have been keeping tabs on are Cryptids. I had suspected the freakazoids in question might be demons as Hell is taking some responsibility for them but they're cryptids??? Man, that just makes me sad, leave bigfoot alone :(((((

- One of the cryptids pictured is Flatwoods Monster, who, according to legend, is also an alien. The other two appear to be Mothman and though I'm a bit fuzzy on this one some sort of bigfoot or yeti creature. He's wearing a lil stetson hat. Did Cesare use the stetson hat trick before?

- The second still shown in the credits appears to be Munkustrap descending onto Earth on some sort of spacecraft as the Bigtop and Zomburger crews watch. They appear to be in the same positions/outfits as when Cesare whack-a-moled Steve into hell. Which is????? Idk what to make of that. Could Flatwoods Monster have some kind of alien technology that they used to contact Clown World? Are we finally gonna have Clown vs Undead War??????? I wonder how Munkustrap will react to seeing other clowns in the pink-yellow-blue spotted outfit which Tim, Penny and Billie are wearing, which seems to be a pattern which all banished clowns are exiled in. Looking forward to see how he looks now that he's aged! Also, I like that this scene implies the Zomburger and Bigtop gangs stick together! Which I want them too! SO BADLY!!!

- As @fr0stmask mentioned in a reply on this post, the spacecraft Munkustrap is seen on is actually a tire, as in the musical Cats, cats who are deemed worthy are sent up to the Heaviside Layer on a TIRE!!! Thanks for the info!

- What if the Cats performance is literal, and one clown actually gets sent "up to the heaviside layer", and that's what happened to Munkustrap and how he got the tire spacecraft. Steve got booted out via banishment and Munkustrap was chosen to ascend, but in the end they both ended up in the same place.

- Frances, Conrad and Allen look visibly upset when they realize Cesare isn't actually proposing a truce and is still up to his antagonistic bullshit.

- The image of Cesare in his weird little Cabinet of Dr. Caligari coffin makes my stomach do little back filps. We've seen Tim, Penny, Billie, Frances, Conrad, Allen, and Steve all in their own homes (For Steve it's his truck where he sleeps) but Never Cesare! Seeing him in there makes me nervous honestly because in the image, his box/cabinet has two doors on its front, with no handles inside, which suggests it closes from the outside and he's "stored" in there and deanimated (seeing as his eyes are closed and this is the only time we've seen him at rest) when not in use. This would add metaphorical meaning to Cesare's comments about being a puppet vendor, as now that's all he is- a puppet. He looks like a little doll being stored in his box. This seems to suggest something I've long suspected, that the "1000 year sentence" Cesare is being held on by the underworld may be bullshit, and he won't actually be allowed to go on retirement. Instead, this idea of his sentence one day ending is merely meant to motivate and control him, like a carrot being held in front of a horse. Could that candle shown at the end be his lifeforce? When its lit maybe he's animate, while when its snuffed out, he's a lifeless husk kept in a box.

- You think Cesare's and Steve's footie pajamas have a similar narrative role? Like to make them easily identifiable as rejects (in Steve's case) or property (in Cesare's case)? You think they're just meant to be dehumanizing or a source of shame?

- Tim was the first one to find Steve, which makes me feel fucked up that Steve still doesn't know his name and seems to mis-name him the most :(((((( Tom and Toby???????? I mean I get that my man likely has memory issues, he's very old and he hit his head very hard on the ground and he refuses to go easy on that fckng juul

- Baby Tim is so cute and handsome I'm dying

- The alley Steve emerges into in the after credits scene seems to rememble the alley with the hole in the ground that Conrad recounts Cesare getting money from. Is this because the underworld was able to track Steve's ascent through the ground to Earth's surface? Is this the same hole Cesare enters and exits the underworld from?

- Also, Steve spits out some rocks when he reaches the surface. U think that's how he started thinking of rocks as food? They just kimda got in ther and he thought "mmmnm yummy!"

- Based on the timelime and my own calcumalations, Steve landed in Sweden, creating the crater which is now known as the Siljan ring, and emerged a whole continent over in North America (at least I'm assuming the show takes place in North America. The driving wheel is on the left side, right? And everyone has American accents? (Except Tim) Is that enough?)

I have a theory that Penny reminds Steve of his own mother. Both women have the same voice actress (Lindsay Small-Butera, my beloved ;-;), and in season one, while Steve is high, once he hears Penny's voice, he shapeshifts into his child form (which I think might have been the last time he saw his mom before she dropped him off at Christian-Acting Camp) and asks her for soup. He's even in the same Little Lord Fontleroy outift. Also, at the Food Truck Expo, when Steve sees Cesare approaching him, he hides behind Penny's back. Also, they have a similar appearance in hair color and clown makeup.

- Speaking of Steve's family, in the scene where Steve is about to be shot into space, there are three clowns who stick out from the crowd. One, with a haircut resembling Steve's mother's on the right (I believe this is her), Munkustrap in the center (at least I believe this is him, their hair and faces are similar) and a male figure on the left. I believe this figure on the left is Steve's father, and Munkustrap is either Steve's brother or past love interest (I think him being his brother is more realistic because him being Steve's love interest and sending him into space is I think too dark even for this show).

- I think the clown actors in Cats may only refer to eachother by their character names. Munkustrap is given no other name, and Steve being stripped of his name as "Old Deut" is seen as a big deal.

- I noticed whenever male clowns get old, their hair develops into sort of a tonsure style with a little dollop of hair sitting right in the middle of their bald spot. Peanut has this, along with Steve's father, and Steve is also developing this as well, based on the wicked widow's peak he has whenever his hat is off.

- bro I wanna see Cesare and Munkustrap interact so bad. What if they get jealous of eachother like, "No! I'm the only emo twink that gets to make Steve's life a living hell, who the fck are you???"

- I want them. To fight lol

- Cat fight!!!!!

- I may be stretching with this one but Munkustrap and Cesare just look kinda visually similar to me? At least with the black onesie and the dark unkempt hair. You think there's a reason for that? Or is it more metaphorical, as in these are just two people who have an impact on Steve's life in that they do their best to not let him fit in with the general society?

- In the still of Munkustrap descending from the sky, Conrad is build like a brick shit house frfr

Just needed to get these thoughts out of my head so they don't weigh down on my humors and make me bad at art and work and remembering to eat food and sleep and bathe and breathe for the next however many months it is before another episode O-O

[eustasskiddsprosthetic]

Hey, remember when I said I shipped Lawlulaw? Yeah, I finally have an idea for them!

As I was fleshing this out, I suddenly felt the need to shove in Acelaw and Sabolaw in there so uh that's fun. I wanted this to be Lulaw centered but the moments of Ace and Sabo can be very easily spun into a romantic direction if I wanted and I wanted to be open to having a Law harem!

Welp, anyways, onto the plot I cooked. Edit: I elaborated more on this au here (x)!

I'm thinking of Law as a scientist who studies marine life. He has a huge lab where he collects specimens and spends a lot of time sketching out the intricate details and labelling them. He loves drawing these because it helps him get a clear, objective view of the world. His ultimate goal is to know just what makes the world tick.

He wants to know the inner workings of everything, kind of to compensate for how he barely knows himself and the depths of his subconscious nature. He believes everything has a place. A creature's ever part, every organ, every component is like a gear that keeps the whole system running and Law loves analysing them.

It may or may not be surprising but he actually believes in things like monsters, aliens and cryptids. From his experience, there's so many interesting sea creatures within the realm of science. It seemed a bit rude to dismiss the possibility. You never fucking know.

So that means when he sees a merman washed up one day in front of the beach near his home. He shrugs and says, "Well, he looks better than a drunk Bepo."

From indifference turned curiosity, Law squats down and starts poking this merman with a bit too much force and said merman jolts awake. Law notices how sharp his teeth and claws were. Law knew he would die if he did not approach him correctly.

"H-hello. I'm Law. Are you okay?"

The merman was visibly confused. Law realised he seemed a bit dehydrated and realised his gills on his neck looked uncomfortable. Law understood. He pointed to the ocean behind the merman.

"I'll take you back," Law said. He did not know how to approach the situation beyond rolling up his sleeves just in case the merman had an allergic reaction to his shirt and very gently trying to carry the creature princess-style.

Law was horrified to feel that this creature was heavy and struggled with carrying him. So much for wanting to be brave. The merman did not do anything to make things difficult—Law just was not the strongest out there. He just stared at Law with literal stars in his eyes. He made a cheerful little sound that was admittedly quite cute.

Law let the merman go when he was just around waist-deep in the ocean. He gently poured some water over his gills, which elicited even more happy sounds. When Law let go, the merman suddenly looked sad and Law felt like a horrible human being.

"Good bye. Take care"

The merman was swimming rather freely in the ocean now and he circled around Law. Law felt anxious. Did he walk into a trap? Was the merman going to attack? The merman did not seem hostile but you never know what these creatures were thinking especially when they were alive.

When the merman stopped swimming, Law took a good look at his features. He was quite cute in the face with large round eyes and an equally large mouth that occasionally broke into a large smile. If he were human, Law would've fallen in love.

"Good bye, it was nice meeting you-"

The next thing Law knew, he was immediately submerged underwater. He could barely breathe and felt himself choke. Meanwhile the merman was giggling like this was all very amusing. Law was knew he would die, if not for something rapidly swimming up and forcibly dragging the merman away.

Of course it was another muscular merman. He looked older than Law's murderer and had dark red accents on his hands and neck. There were spots on his face that looked like freckles. Now this one looked predatory. In human terms, he looked like he was nagging the other merman. Irritated, Law stood up as best he could and punched them both on the head.

Law's murderer seemed annoyed and sad at the violence, while the other one looked mildly impressed. He whistled through his gills. At least Law knew what that meant—it was a fucking mating call.

"Shut the fuck up! You're both annoying me! Go away!"

The black-haired mermen tilted their head to the side at the same time. In the distance, a pale, almost albino merman swam closer. Unlike the other two, he seemed friendlier even with a heavily disfigured face. He laughed as he happily said, "I'm sorry for my brothers, bastard!"

Law was flabbergasted. This was not his day.

"You can talk?"

The blonde merman seemed more surprised than Law. Law would punch him too but he was much faster than the other two in grabbing them by the shoulders and swimming some distance away so they would have to shout at each other. Law's murderer seemed sad that they were separated.

"You can talk, human?" The merman replied. He laughed. "Bitch!" He seemed to say those vulgarities with great childlike amusement. Though, Law would not be surprised to hear that he knew what those words meant and meant them sincerely. He seemed cunning.

Law felt wet, disgusting and thoroughly upset that he did not die. "Why, yes I fucking can! Piss off!"

As Law made his way back to the base, he suddenly heard the blonde merman tell the pervert and his murderer something. They went silent when Law looked back. Three seconds later, they started making loud, hysterical noises.

For God's sake, Law walked away with a ruined morning, wet clothes and the horrible memory of nearly dying. That was annoying, as he walked up the ocean where he was comfortably knee-length. He felt something gently grab his foot.

"What do you want, murderer?"

The merman pouted slightly and fuck isn't that just the cutest thing? He tried to pull Law back but gently this time. Law realised this was kind of like a child trying to make friends. He sighed and squatted down again to meet this creature at eye-level.

"I won't go with you but I'll come back tomorrow morning. Don't pull that shit again, or I'll kill all three of you. Understood?"

That seemed to be what the merman wanted for he smiled brightly and made those happy clicking noises again. He hugged Law's shoulders, licked his cheek quickly, jumped off and swam off with his brothers who seemed more interested in this little guy more than anyone else.

The sight was sweet. Maybe tomorrow morning would be better...

(Also, Law read up on Merfolk. Apparently, they were acknowledged to be legitimate sea creatures only three years ago and there were proper laws to forbid the act of hunting and killing them. Law found it strange that policies viewed them more like an endangered species than human beings.)

(More importantly, Law found out that there were some highly intelligent merfolk could learn human languages. And even more importantly, merfolk use their saliva to mark their territory... Including their mates, whom they usually commit to for life... Huh.)

[lanternbats]

re: how do you think the league, the batfamily and the corps would react to batlantern?

personally, im a huge fan of the league being completely dumbfounded by batlantern. they don’t understand where it came from, how it happened or why it’s still going. like, sure, a couple of members sorta knew about it (probs Diana and Zatanna on B’s side and Barry on Hal’s) but everyone else was just completely in the dark. i think it lends itself to good shenanigans.

the batfam is a completely different story, because they’re all stalkers and creeps, so they all knew it was happening and probably even purposely pushed situations for them to interact. the kids like Hal and they like that B is happy with Hal. Hal is also potentially the least problematic romance B has even had, so that’s even better. when they finally get together there’s a collective “FUCKING FINALLY!”

and i’m not too sure about the corps tbh. i think it’d be funny if they thought Hal was dating some sort of cryptid (because the bats are terrifying and incomprehensible to anyone and anything) only for Hal to go “nah, he’s human. he’s just a little weird like that.” other lanterns may wonder how Hal hasn’t been murdered by the entity of shadows Batman is but. if he’s happy, then sure?

and those are my two cents :)

Wait wait hold on a second, Zatanna knowing is so cute... Big Bad Batman's childhood friend seeing right through him and noticing his feeling for Hal and encouraging him to go for it because she think Hal is great. I love the idea of her knowing first, maybe even before Clark notices (because he 100% notices Bruce's heartbeat and is like OH??).

The thought of the kids stalking Hal pre-relationship to see if it's mutual/see if they approve is ssooooo funny actually. Hal calls Bruce like "Hey spooky, just wanted to let you know that your kids uhhh seem to be following me? I'm at dinner right now and they're a few table's over hiding behind menus? I thought you'd at least have trained them in espionage better than this-"

The corps are the ones I'm struggling with the most too (because aside from Guy losing his entire mind over BATMAN??? FUCKING BATMAN?? I don't know that they'd care that much?) but Hal's alien friends thinking Batman is some kind of creature™ is really good.

[thelemoncoffee]

i keep thinking about Kokichi has a tumblrina and you'all are just going to have to deal with this

i am of the firm belief that Kokichi doesn't put his face online because he's both paranoid about his privacy and likes to be a cryptid, but i had a funny thought involving him showing his face

the idea is he's been terrorizing tumblr for years now- yk the kind of freak we all love to see who fires the rent lowering shots- but one day he decides to finally share a pic of himself, maybe as a halloween post like "boo, face reveal jumpscare" type beat. and everyone who follows him is going insane because he's way too cute to be the same fucker who's been terrorizing them all these years

there's so many comments either calling him cute, insisting that's not him, or some combonation of both. there's also a small amount of comments making remarks about "well now we know why your boyfriend can stand you"

idk i just really like the idea of people forming this distinctive appearance for him that is very creature in nature in their heads, only to get hit over the head with the reality that this horrid bastard is cute as fuck

maybe Kokichi starts doing that "when you're being mean to me, this is who you're being mean to" shtick and sending a specific pic of him giving the saddest wettest eyes you've ever seen every time

[pomesa]

Cryptozoology is the search for and study of animals who haven't been proven to currently exist, whether that be because its supposedly extinct or because people say its straight up bullshit.

I fucking love cryptids. Here's my personal ranking of just some of the cryptids in the notebook Ive been keeping since I was 20, with anecdotes.

Mongolian Death Worm. Hell yeah baybee, its worm time. Its a Tartar sand boa I'm gonna be so real with you right now. That's what it actually is and I love it. Wiggle on, little buddies. 10/10

Thunderbirds. Either the Teratornis lived WAY longer than we think OR its an Andean Condor, but either way, I love Big Ass Bird. 10/10 The picture that made me love them:

There's supposedly a picture very similar to this but its a cowboy with the bird nailed to a barn, they say it was in a newspaper in the old west and I would kill to see it.

3) Kraken. Its a giant squid. Not much to say, I just love that for years people went "There's big ass squids" and no one believed them and then a guy straight up CUT OFF A TENTACLE and brought it back and people STILL didn't believe him. How much does your town have to think you're crazy for a whole leg to convince NO ONE. 9/10 very cool

4) Flatwoods monster. I'm gonna be real with you I think this ones made up but I love how cunty they are. Unrateable/10 for being fake but 9/10 for queen vibes.

5) Fresno Night Walkers. We don't know! We have videos of these little guys and no one knows what they are!! 11/10 for cuteness, 9/10 for engaging as hell.

6) Mothman. I'm not talking about him everyone knows him I want to peg him yadda yadda onward!

7) Aliens. They are real. Like I've given pretty reasonable explanations so far but there's military videos?? The Italian government possibly got in a shootout with them? I think we need to just accept this and move on, in 2018 I graduated high school and even our current events professor just let us write about aliens because they'll probably be confirmed in our lifetime. 7/10 We need new info on them, I'm losing interest

8) Loch Ness Monster. She is not real BUT searches for her have funded so much actual research about the ecosystem she deserves a spot anyway. 7/10 Everyone say "Thank you Nessie"

9) Ozark Howler. This is only up here because I love cats, I don't think its anything other than tall tales, but if new evidence came out I would move it up to top 3. 5/10 I love cats

10) Goatman and Jersey Devil. Lets be real its the same thing and its both someones way of saying they saw the devil in their small town. 4/10 for consistency.

11) Dover Demon. This gets to be on this list because it made some people think the Rake is based in reality (its not) and I think that's funny. 3/10 for funniness and alliteration.

12) Loveland Frog Man. People said it was a 4 foot tall frog man. It was definitely an iguana missing a tail from a predator. 3/10 People should have figured that one out sooner.

13) Bigfoot. Oh my GOD shut up about him. Its all Bigfoot, skunk ape, yeti, batsquach, its all Bigfoot and I'm so tired of him. Give everyone else here some love, would you? This guys so pretentious. 1/10 I hate how hes taken over the study of cryptids.

My personal favorite who hasn't been mentioned yet: Chupacabra. It MIGHT be a coyote with mange and the people who claim to have taxidermied ones definitely have coyotes. "But Mark, if that's the case why do you love it? What makes this different?" This is the cryptid where the evidence matches up the LEAST. There's too many different accounts, and there's reason to believe there may actually (FOR ONCE) be a legitimate genetic mutation to create some kind of dog creature in the area. I could do a whole post about them alone but I want you to do your own research and enjoy what you find.

Now go forth and spread the good word of animals that may or may not be real!

[artoriarts]

Ok I don’t want to go make art and I don’t want to go find something good to scrounge up and post so I will instead spout assorted madcom headcanons. these are far from the last you will see from me.

- sanmos 4 lyfe (big sloppy heart emoji) they are both like playfully flirty in diff ways with other people but also so so monogamous at the same time they love eachother sooo much have the healthiest relationship known to man. ignore all the killings.

- 2bhank with the same energy as medic tf2 x heavy tf2. but like also 2b is catboy herder for hank. he holds the laser pointer in the relationship. hank isn’t like full creature I’m still the kind of girlie to place him solidly as kind of the stoic and dysfunctional sociopath but he’s got some of those beasty tendencies in him. the two have such strong attachment to each other but they both have such difficulty expressing it. hank doesn’t know how human well and 2b simply isn’t a soft person even when he wants to be. but they work with what they have. deimos and sanford are so invested in their relationship they chitchat about it constantly. in the most supportive way they want it to go well they just talk about the two being cute and try to help when they hit rocky points. the power couple is so stable they can take on other couple’s drama.

- I don’t know what the ship name is for tricky and hank but there’s like a tiny bit of that too. tricky is hank’s crazy ex but they were never in an actual relationship clown has just been desperate for the dick day one and has not let up for a single second. especially after the halo fiasco literally everyone hates them but they stay silly

- whitehank exists because of something along the lines of hank’s genome getting copied to aahw database when he went in the magnifier and using that agency got the bright idea that if they can’t beat hank. they can make their own. I don’t know actually how she should fit into everything but I like the idea it feels appropriately silly for madcom. the only thing I’m really decided on is that she eventually switches sides and 2b, carrying the entire trans community of nevada on his old man spine, hooks her up on titty skittles and him and hank informally adopt her because cold sad clone babygirl needs parents. she’s like all of hank’s feral swagger if you made it sopping wet and also like garage band punk. I can’t decide if she’s musclegirl as I’ve drawn her before or make her skinny legend I need to lock down the vibes. One important design thing that i know is coming however is that since she’s a copy of mag hank specifically, while hank gets demagnified in my little post canon design shit, she does not, so she is de facto tallest out of the. what do you even call the gang. just the gang? agency for hank wimbleton? the motley crew. the dnd party. nevada’s most wanted. that one actually works we’ll go with that

- funny thing I’ve considered for sheriff is that after whatever happens in project nexus dude just. pisses off somewhere. half hooks up with jeb to make a neutral party for people who just want to fuckin live. while jeb’s on the offensive side of that trying to actively stop the madness sherrif is the defensive side just making settlements for normal people to live they lives. something along those lines. it’s quaint. him and whitehank get together maybe. little guy woos the giant cryptid lady with his southern charm.

- the auditor is workplace sexual harassment personified. simultaneously in the fanfic suave way and the restraining order kind. they talk like stephan weyte. they think they’re soo cool and when someone doesn’t think they are when they want them to they run away and cry.

- I wish I could come up with something for jeb to like round out the primary cast but like honestly he’s the one I spin around in my head the least. I like his motive of make shit normal but maybe he’s just like too clear cut. he’s already got a full character there’s nothing for me to add.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[punkymonkeehat]

Really Quick Scene! Danny Phantom Cryptid AU

-----------------

"I can't believe this" Sam muttered, folding her arms across her chest. "They have a *real* cryptid just living in their barn? Yeah, sure..." She kicked a rock. "And I'm all sunshine and rainbows..."

"Sometimes you are!" Tucker turned around, walking backwards. "On a full moon, at least." The other made a face at him which, in turn, caused him to laugh.

"It's possible, I mean... my parents have a ghost portal in their basement. How weird could it be that some locals have a weird creature just holed up in some dingy building? We've seen weirder." Danny chimed in, raising an eyebrow and keeping his voice low. The crunching of the gravel beneath their boots was rhythmic as they followed far behind the two teenage boys that were marching quickly to their property. It was a bit out of town, and with the van broken and the two teens not owning their own car, the trio had to walk. A breeze rolled by, causing all three to shiver. Sam threw her scarf around her neck.

"Which makes it all the more suspicious. Remember when we were in Kansas, and that weird guy with the glass eye told us he found a dragon at the chalk pyramids? Captured it with his bare hands and put it on display?" Danny and Tucker nodded. "Well, when we went in, it turned out to be some dinky little lizard with wings strapped on its back, a total hoax. We wasted so much money for just a peak!"

"I remember it being so cute, though. Well worth the price." Tucker smiled at the memory.

"We needed to see, didn't we? You're always on about seeing proof rather than just believing people. Its the only way we can really get all of the issues these creatures and ghosts are causing figured out." Danny pointed out. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, but we also need to have some kind of common sense about what we're doing. Trust the crazy glass eye dude who, by the way, was drunk off his ass and believed he was some messiah, or actually take a moment to think about what we're being offered to see? The more we spend working on these hoaxes, the less time and resources we have to work on actual cases."

"I do have to agree with Sam, Danny. We need to start being a little more wary of what we investigate. We can get into some serious trouble if we're just diving head first into every case." Tucker added. Danny sighed, slowly nodding.

"I guess you're both right. After this, I'll think it through before I agree to an investigation. I promise." He said. Sam grabbed his turtle neck sleeve, stopping him in his tracks.

"Not just a promise. A pinky swear." She held out her pinky, waiting for the other. "The most sacred of promises."

"Sam, come on."

"It's the only way you keep your promises, man." Tucker shrugged. "You have to seal the deal."

"Alright then, you pinky swear too! You're also diving into everything!" Danny chided. Tucker raised his hands in defense.

"You both are a dynamic duo of no common sense." Sam responded dryly. "Let's swear it!"

All three hooked their pinkies together. In unison they said, "I solemnly swear with pinkies paired, to follow hold onto my promise." After untangling their pinkies, the continued to walk forward. The barn came into view as they rounded the curve.

"And as you both know, if we break a pinky swear y-"

"Yeah yeah, we know." Tucker rolled his eyes. "We've known since the beginning, Sam."

They finally reached the barn and the taller of the two teens unlocked the lock that strapped the two doors tight.

"Alright, are ready to see som'thin' wild?" He said to the trio. "It'll knock your socks off!" The smaller of the two nodded his agreement.

"Our pa found it in the forest, howlin' and brought it back here. We showed our friend Lucy and she screamed so loud your eers would shatter. It's that scary!" Sam and Tucker exchanged glances, and Danny raised an eyebrow. The two boys grinned and the doors to the bar flung open.

[dreamsausage]

Just had a dream

Just had a dream about a guy who woke up in the middle of the night and realised he wasn't in control of his body. he felt itchy and achy, like his skin was swollen, and for some reason his movements were odd and clumsy, like his body was out of practise. it walked him to his kitchen and made cereal, out and about through the fog and into tescos to browse, and into a park.

eventually it walked him home, plopped him back in his bed, then Something crawled OUT OF HIS SKIN and slipped out through a small cut on his shoulder. He was HELLA freaked out and got up to Google what it could have been, searching through a bunch of cryptid websites until he found what he was looking for. it was a creature called a Crawler.

they usually would look and act like a totally normal person, but over the years and years of them being shunned by humanity they've become out of practise and easily recognisable as inhuman once you spot them. at night or during foggy/stormy weather, they search for people who aren't paying attention and make a little opening somewhere on their back, then turn into their actual form (slimy thing), stretch it out with their long fingers, and crawl inside between the skin and muscles. they grip the body with their sensetive slimy body and wiggle around inside to move around. they explore for a bit inside people's skin, doing stuff and learning more about how people are, then slip back out again and head home.

people aren't usually conscious for that whole experience, which is why someone being "walked" by a crawler is often mistaken for a sleepwalker. this guy had seen all of it in all its uncomfortable, itchy, horrifying glory. he was pretty relieved to hear thta being walked doesn't often have adverse affects, and if anything does happen, you can GO AND FIND THE CRAWLER to talk about it. they're pescetarian and appreciate a snack before discussing being walked and such. dude was all like "oh so they're chill" and decided to find where the crawler lived so he could ask to please not be crawled inside again.

He looked up how to find a crawler's home, bought a salmon sandwich from tescos and went off to look for it. he lived close to some rocky, hilly countryside so he went there to wander into crevices and caves until he found something. on the third abandoned mine, he found a light and a neat little bucket with fish bones and other leftovers in it near the entrance. this was it.

he trotted in kind of shyly and was met with a freakishly tall skinny man with an orange bucket hat, messy brown hair, long fingers and sort of droopy eyes? with the rest of the face obscured by shadow and hair. it panicked a little and tried to hide but the guy was like

"hey we're chill man I got u a sandwich"

and the crawler was like

"oh my god I haven't had a sandwich in months. bangin"

and it ate it super quickly. the guy remembered reading online that when a crawler is underfed they tend to stretch out to try to compensate and this guy was practically inspector gadget so it didn't bode well for it.

so the crawler finished the sandwich and looked at the guy and was like

"sooooo what are ya here for? if you're not here to kill me yk"

and the guy said "ummmmm I was hoping to ask if you could. Please not walk me again. it was kind of uncomfortable"

the crawler was really surprised cos this was the first time that a person it had walked had been conscious for it, and it felt kind of awkward about it. it's like when someone walks out of the shops and catches you fawning over their cute dog. the guy was like "oh really it's ok it just freaked me out and it was a bit uncomfy and idk if I'll be awake the next time so" and the crawler was like "oh sure sure it's no problem" and then they talked for a lil bit about what made it uncomfy and how the crawler could make it. More Comfy. and less weird. if that's even possible.

then the crawler brought the guy into the next room of the cave and revealed that actually there were two other crawlers living with it. they were all a bit stretched but the other two were significantly more in-practise with human disguises than our big dude. big crawler introduced the other two to the guy, the first was its best friend who always came with it on walks, and the other was his ex who realised she was both a girl and a lesbian after walking a lady for the first time. but she and big crawler were on good terms so it was chill.

the guy was like

"uh this cave isn't exactly the safest place to live for u guys" and the lady crawler said

"tell me about it smh. we've been struggling to get any good food too since all the farmers round here are CONVINCED we eat people"

"well that's just a little bit rude don't they do their research"

"their research is Facebook"

"ah"

so the guy offered for them to come stay at his for a little while until they found their own spot and got better at being human (or however they wanted to be) and they were like YAY so they waited until the evening fog came in and all walked back to his house together. then there was a timeskip and it turns out they'd decided to come and live in my house?

they all looked a bit more human-y now except for the best friend who decided he wanted to be sky blue. be urself for ur pride ig

there was a muntjac deer and an aardvark living in my living room floor and they would occasionally pop out and wander around, but they were a lil scared of people so we didn't get to see them up close. the big crawler decided it wanted to see them better but we didn't have a spare aardvark or muntjac lying around so it made its own skin out of random stuff around my house (we have a lot of faux fur and fabric.)

it worked! somehow! and the crawler hung out with the aardvark for a bit until we called it back saying we were about to go out. For some reason I had hair extensions. the guy from before, my parents, my sisters and my older sister's gf were there and we were discussing where we were going. I walked out to the van and the three crawlers were in there chatting with eachother, and I said we were deciding where we were going. then everyone came out of the house to get in the van and that's when I woke up.

[scribbling-dragon]

care to elaborate on what’s up with some of the characters in that beauty and the beast au? or would you rather not reveal and leave it for future works

i can certainly elaborate! i do have a few ideas for writing future fics, but i certainly don't mind expanding on the characters (especially because my writing is often..unpredictable dshkdshkjk)

jimmy, our main boy, our little harbinger of death. and he's pretty much the same here! he's a canary, a harbinger of death who has an unfortunate side gig of being incredibly unlucky. the whole harbinger of death shtick is also a lot harder than a lot of people make it out to be- what do you mean he's gotta choose them himself. (he has,, a lot of control over who lives and who dies. don't let his sunny smile fool you)

and tango! jimmy's friend since childhood, and local cryptid to the small village. he was genuinely cursed, but rather than it being some big evil that cursed him, the person that cursed tango,, was tango. him and jimmy found a book, failed to take jimmy's bad luck into account. and bam. big furry creature that everyone just assumes ATE tango, despite there being no evidence for such a thing. so he lives in the woods and jimmy brings him food on the regular.

grian,, jimmy's brother that left the village as soon as he could to see the great bi wide world. him and jimmy are a little different, though they certainly work together on a lot of projects. there's hardly a point to someone's life and death if there's no one around to remember it, right? grian isn't sure what his role is. he's certainly not a harbinger of death, despite how linked his role is to jimmy's. he's more of a collector, but of information rather than oddities (though he has plenty of knick-knacks he collects)

the seller of said knick-knacks is scar! your local friendly salesman that always has a grin for every customer and his cat is so incredibly cute too. his items are top quality! there's nothing else like them! until you get a few minutes from his stall, and it's suddenly a useless knick knack again, and you dont actually know why you bought it in the first place. but, by the time you've returned to the stall, he's nowhere to be found, not even a cat hair betraying the path of him and his odd companion that seemed to have far too many eyes-

(he's a sorcerer that accidentally sold his soul to some kind of demon because goddamit jellie is incredibly cute. yes. jellie is a demon cat that scar sold his soul to on accident. its fine, they have a working agreement)

and your local, slightly unhinged but overall okay-ish neighbour, joel! him and his wife lizzie live on the very outskirts of the town, far away from the general hustle and bustle of the other people, both for the sanity of lizzie's axolotls, and also so joel can slip over the wall every few weeks on a full moon, with no one the wiser. he's none the wiser either, because he doesn't actually remember the full moons. if asked, though, he'll recount them in a similar way to someone that got incredibly drunk and actually cannot remember what they did the evening prior.

and lizzie. who thinks all of her friends are really quite pleasant. sure, they all act a little weird at times, but who doesn't! she's not going to start judging them (especially not as someone who takes axolotls for a walk!)

[linbrgart]

The cat is actually a cryptid.

because of course it is. this is just dipper's luck. he can't escape the paranormal. something about him just... attracts all kinds of weird stuff. he's totally exuding some pheromones or something.

... except he doesn't even notice the cat isn't normal. because of course he doesn't. this is the same guy that thought 5 gnomes in a trenchcoat were a vampire. what did you expect????

dip: /brings a wet, shivering, decrepit little creature in his jacket/

bill, utterly disgusted and seemingly uncomfortable: WHAT in the everloving FUCK is THAT????

dip, irritated by his dramatics: jesus christ, its just a cat!!! dont be so fucking annoying about it!!!

bill, befuddled: ITS NOT A CAT. ITS SOME FUCKING- *T H I N G*???

dip: UGH you're so clingy and jealous and territorial I KNEW you'd react like that-

bill: /is outraged by such accusations, but won't stoop so low as to try and defend himself, because that would only make him look guilty right?/ ...it doesn't even SMELL like a cat!!!

dip: what do you *mean*?????😩

dipper is smitten with the kitten. its a tiny fluffy black thing with disproportionately big yellow eyes. it's also stupid as fuck and clumsy. it walks a bit weird, but dipper just thinks its some old unchecked injury from living in the streets affecting its posture, making it lump and crawl. not a big deal!

bill being extremely pissed at and almost... apprehensive of the cat, is the most hilariously annoying thing to him, but definitely not a concern.

bill is livid with dipper for being so brainless and naive and careless and stupid, bringing this stupid fucking *pest*- even BILL HIMSELF, the great demon, obliterator of worlds, doesn't know what this fucking thing is!!! and it aaaaaabsolutely *enrages* him. that's the thing: he's not scared of this stupid thing, and DEFINITELY not jealous of it (uhuh sure. liar), but he's so unused to not knowing something that it makes him seethe, being unfamiliar with something that he now has to share living space with.

and most infuriatingly, dipper STILL doesn't believe him!!!

months go by. bill gets used to the cat. its... whatever. they're mostly civil with eachother, except for when they fight for dipper's attention, which is 'all is fair in love and war' type of situation,

and the cat's little pranks on bill.

they're harmless if not for hurting bill's ego.

the cat is sentient. bill's fairly certain of it. and it truly enjoys fucking with bill by only acting smart around *him*, and pointedly playing stupid with dipper.

that conniving little shit.

bill endures it though, because the thing is harmless and kinda cute if he's being real honest, and dipper LOVES his little pet. and bill loves seeing him happy. so it's whatever.

more time goes by, and dipper secretly starts believing in bill's theory.

because sometimes things happen that he cant explain as the cat being up to its usual cat shenanigans.

it's one thing that the cat loves staring into empty spaces and hissing at nothing in the windows; it's something entirely different when at times dipper thinks it's anatomy doesn't make any sense. he can pass three yellow eyes as a trick of his imagination, but new multiple joints in absolutely unreasonable places????

the only time he tries to take the cat to the vet for routine check-up, the vet freaks out over cat's scans and bloodwork. dipper gets banned at the clinic.

but, again, the cat is nothing but friendly to him, so he doesn't worry too much.

Not sure if this has been brought up before but, Billdip with a pet?

Neither of them really seem like Pet guys to me, more like Stuff In Jars kinda guys. But maybe petsitting for Mabel or someone else? I think the minute Dipper showed any affection for something other than Bill he would get really jealous and Dipper would think it's very funny and very annoying. I specifically like the idea of Bill vs a cat bc I think they would HATE him on instinct and they'd definitely hiss at eachother. Bill's very much of the opinion that pets are useless brainless hunks of flesh that eat your food, but he's also got very little competition in terms of Affection coming from Dipper and if HE doesn't get pets and treats, neither does this stupid creature that skulks around the house eating spiders and ripping up the carpet. That's BILL'S job

They really are both kinda Stuff In Jars guys, aren't they?

That being said, Dipper's absolutely the type to get suckered in by something cute if it showed him attention and affection. Likely he found it on the street, or rescued it from a monster; then of course claim he'd only keep it for like a day before bringing it to a shelter. Maybe two.

And he would, too! He is Responsible™ and wouldn't want to introduce a poor innocent animal to the vicinity of Bill.

UNLESS said creature was very Clever and Conniving and wormed its way into his heart, using all kinds of dastardly tricks and loving affection. Then two days turns into three, and to a week, until Bill knows with Dread Certainty that this slimy little hairball is here to stay.

It's probably a cat, let's be honest.

If for no other reason that Bill doesn't seem at all like a Dog Person. If he had to take that thing for WALKS and PICK UP after it, it'd be about two hours before he 'accidentally' left the door open during hours of heavy traffic - whereas a cat is standoffish and independent enough that they can safely spend their days ignoring each other in the same room.

But you just KNOW that he seethes with jealousy anytime Dipper gives that miserable feline a gentle kiss on the forehead.

[goldennightengale]

Are you doing requests? How about the house wardens x reader where reader has a symbiote (like venom) attached to themselves

Thank you so much for requesting! Apologies for the late reply, my college has been dragging me through the mud as of late and I couldn't bring myself to work on this for a while. But here you go!

Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism (?), chapter 6 spoilers

Dormleaders with a S/O who has a symbiote!

Since the day you found your little pile of screaming goop, you have become the host of a symbiote called “Cryptid”. The zealous creature, which is more bratty than murderous, has taken a liking to your voice and has almost perfected its mimicry of you. 

Your relationship with Cryptid has lasted quite a while, but as you are dragged into the world of magic and fairytales, you fear this might be a bit of a learning curve for both of you…

Riddle Rosehearts

FREAKS OUT

Yes, he did shatter a window in his panic. No, he will never allow you to mention it without consequences. 

Honestly thought it was the beginnings of an overblot from how it enveloped your body and spoke. It was like your voice but altered, gruff and rude and wrong

Cryptid only appeared to sass him back after a particularly ruthless lecture over something your idiots (Ace and Grim) managed to mess up and pinning the blame on you

Is not happy about sharing you with such a creature but will (eventually) get over it

If you have anything in common with Vemon’s symbiote (i.e. eating humans), he won’t indulge in your cravings but will make the occasional joke of feeding you one of his rowdier rule-breakers 

Overall, not too much of a game changer unless you indulge in more… unsavory tendencies

Cryptid has taken a liking to crawling above his bed at night when you fall asleep… it finds his screams funny

Leona Kingscholar

Put off by it. At least at first

Cryptid got bored of sitting around and napping all day (like it can talk, considering it sleeps during every class you attend) and got pissy about the lack of movement, choosing Leona as its next target for pranks

He looked at it with a slightly disgusted face and bared his teeth to stake his claim over you, only to get greeted by a gaping maw full of needles… (it found his attempt at dominance cute)

Like hell is he losing you to some slick mouth slime ball with a taste for chaos, he had you first dammit! (no he didn’t, but he likes to think your relationship looks past that fact)

After the initial one-sided aggression, these two would probably get along surprisingly well

Leona doesn’t even care about the craving for human flesh! (that or he is really good at hiding it)

Teasing you is their favorite bonding activity. You will never be safe again 😌

Azul Ashengrotto

FREAKS OUT pt. 2

During the whole contract scheme, Cryptid was constantly watching him and the twins to make sure they didn’t hurt you ( after all, what kind of parasite would they be if their host got injured?)

It was only after the overblot and you two getting together that your “little friend” decided to reveal themself

Azul witnessed a mass of sludge emerge from your back to sass at Floyd and he damn near fainted when it whipped its head around to stare at him

Yes, it did laugh at him for days after that

Cryptid admires his suave nature but finds immense joy in watching you break down his facade and reveal his more silly side (aka it likes to see him join you in setting up pranks)

He considered getting Jade to try and research about it but figured that if his s/o didn’t know much about it from their own world he wouldn’t find anything useful in Twisted Wonderland

Overall doesn’t mind it, but there will have to be a lot of communication when it comes to cravings and jokes (especially after Cryptid compared octopus to human flesh while staring directly at him)

Kalim Al-Asim

This one is tough

He cares deeply for you, no matter what you do he’ll never see it as wrong. But his first encounter with Cryptid was not in good spirits

During Jamil’s overblot, Cryptid was pissed about having its host hypnotized and unable to stop it. This led to everyone seeing just how dangerous the symbiote could be, and to what depths it’ll go to keep you safe

He’s a bit wary of you for a while and he feels terrible about it, but he’s never seen you so ruthless and it really scared him

Double sadge because Kalim was one of the only people Cryptid took a liking to and was depressed about frightening him 

Eventually, you two talk it out and all is good! Although Cryptid calls him stupid for keeping Jamil around and gets a good scolding lol

Surprisingly chill about the whole craving thing. He’s seen some… weird things while traveling for business deals in foreign countries, so he doesn’t really question it

He’d rather not have another mark on his head thanks

Vil Shoenheit

Oh he is NOT happy about this

He prides himself in being able to find the beauty in everything and bringing it to its peak but this?? This is pushing his limit

He found out through Rook (because ofc he did Rook keeps him updated on everyone on campus) so he wasn’t as surprised as you thought he’d be

But he was surprised by how vulgar Cryptid could be whenever it got into one of its “moods” (aka Happy Monch Time) 

I’m sorry, but this might be a dealbreaker if you can’t reign in your alien friend. He’s got a reputation to uphold and while he may love you with everything in his heart, he doesn’t think he will ever adjust to sharing you with a creature hell-bent on destroying anything beautiful

If you, through some divine miracle, manage to make it work then be prepared for a lot of “guidance” from him. If he’s going to live with Cryptid, then it will have to live with him as well and he knows a good potion or two that’ll do wonders in fixing some unruly behaviors

I feel as though he would learn to see the relationship between you and your symbiote as more positive than negative. After all, it is only doing this as a means of survival but it seems you two have grown close enough to consider each other family. He’d never want to take that from you

Does not take kindly to the cravings, but he might be able to help you find a few alternatives to keep your creature satisfied

Idia Shroud

My guy, you are literally on the ceiling how tf did you get there???? Get down please?????

He honest to god thought he was tweaking when he heard you speak but you weren’t moving your mouth?? He really needs to sleep more

Literally jumped onto the rafters without any magic when he saw Cryptid over your shoulder. Its eyes staring him down like it knew every one of his sins and judged him

Cryptid had a sense of respect for him. This wimpy-looking geek boy literally had the gate to literal hell under his command and he never got the urge to use it as a threat. That took some serious willpower to not abuse such a strong powerhouse

Idia will definitely compare this whole “co-habitation with an alien” situation to a few of his games and mangas, but he’s really chill about sharing you with Cryptid (after he calms down from the initial jumpscare)

As long as it can keep itself reasonably behaved around Ortho then he doesn’t mind the two of them hanging out without his supervision

Not a dealbreaker, but a hidden prize!

Malleus Draconia

…?

That’s it. That’s how he reacts to Cryptid jumping out from your skin to try and spook him. It is now sulking and refuses to acknowledge your giggles as you try and explain what just happened to a very confused dragon

While your symbiote may be equipped to handle most magical combat, the fact that Malleus is powerful enough to radiate magic without even trying was a bit intimidating

You will never let it live this down. Your cocky little goop ball was scared of a man you called Hornton. Amazing

While he does take an interest in how your relationship works, he won’t pry too much into it and just accepts that his beloved human was a lot more unique than he thought

He is also the only person (besides Lilia anyways) who would offer to help with cravings and would even offer to spar with Cryptid in exchange for information about its species

Do not ask about where he’s getting the materials. He will simply smile sweetly and change the topic, though you can’t miss the dangerous look in his eye

Dragon boi = Best Boyfriend in this scenario

I hope my work fulfilled your fantasy! - GN

[comeandreadawhile]

Clone Social Media : Hobbies

The phenomenon starts with the intention to show the civilians of the Republic the men behind the armor, as well as an encouragement for the men to do the things they enjoy when they have the time to in lieu of sitting around cleaning weapons for a third time that day.

Scratch that—the phenomenon starts with High General Kenobi, on a rare day of leave, teaching his Marshal Commander how to bake. Said Commander’s men were happy to taste test the flurry of experimental confections that pervaded their leave days in the following months. News spread fast of Marshal Commander Cody having a knack for baking, and so followed the spread of troopers attempting to make their own treats and/or branching off into other things the civilians called “hobbies” whenever what they could get their hands on afforded them.

The phenomenon kicked off when Padawan Commander Tano began a social media account with the intention of using it as a public diary, her first post was a picture taken of some of the 501st—with permission, her caption says—as they went about retouching paint scuffed in their most recent battle. The men are relaxed, some with paint smeared on their hands and cheeks and seemingly reacting to some joke or story told outside the threshold of the camera, and it’s an almost startling difference from the image of rigid lines of men, faceless in their full kits of white plastoid, that the civilians are used to. Tano’s second post is a video clip of one Captain Rex, with one General Skywalker sitting on his back counting reps, doing push-ups; the video was captioned “Another day in the G.A.R., restless in hyperspace.”

The digital diary continues from there, videos and pictures of specific locations posted only after reaching a safe distance to do so, never sharing anything mission critical—past, current, or hypothetical future. Eventually she shows the men under her how to make their own accounts, and other Jedi and their own troops follow suit. The 212th then takes it upon themselves to post pictures of the little cakes their Marshal Commander has gotten so proficient at making, and, when General Kenobi creates a joint account titled “command_212”, convince Cody to post pictures of things he bakes before they are distributed—even in the process of baking, if the fancy strikes him.

So Marshal Commander Cody shares pictures of his experiments, of recipes he finds that turned out well, of recipes that didn’t because of some error or other that he’s determined to give another go, with the occasional cryptid picture of General Kenobi taking his tea in the barrack’s kitchen. As time goes on those pictures shift to Obi-Wan covered in flour, or a shot taken from several feet away of Cody sneaking batter captioned “caught red-handed in the red velvet”.

As Marshal Commander of the 212th has taken to baking to relieve stress, the Commander of the 104th has turned to needlecraft and yarnwork.

The 104th retaliate the populatrity of the 212th’s command account with the domesticity of their own, despite the vaguely threatening possibilities of knitting and sewing needles. Boost and Sinker run the majority of the account, although all OG members of the 104th have access to it; they post pictures of the things Wolffe makes them, of General Plo covered in the lengths of scarves he’s received, of Comet in the ever-growing swath the gifted blankets with the current tally in the caption (his toes were off the floor by blanket burrito 6). The holonet at large loves Plo almost as much as his men, and once a week they post him saying some piece of sage wisdom—or utter nonsense, as the mood strikes—as the war goes on. After months of asking for a face reveal and requests for the patterns people are sure Wolffe uses, they make the most Force-forsaken tutorial videos as an all-in-one series.

“HOLY **** HE’S CASTING ON 12 TO START—“ “WHAT A MAD MAN!”

“So when you get to this row here you’re going to knit 3, purl 3–“ “TRANSCENDENT!” “—yes, thank you, and then keep doing that until you reach the end of the row...”

“Oh, OH MAN HE’S GONNA DO IT!” “HE’S GONNA CHANGE COLORS!” “Holy **** man he’s gonNA YOOOOOOOOOO!”

Cody is then issued a challenge by the holonet to learn to knit. He learns to crochet. Because Obi-Wan knows how to crochet. The holonet loves video snippets of them progressing on projects together. They also love the videos Ahsoka posts of Cody attempting to teach Rex, and praise the absolutely completely unrelated hat she later posts a picture of; it covers her Montrals with enough room for a few years’ growth. Anakin gets yarn stuck in his mechanical hand because he forgot to put his glove on before attempting to craft.

The real throwdown happens when the account for the Coruscant Guard posts videos of Fox aggressively tatting while venting about the lack of funding for proper security and surveillance tech.

Each posts sees a comical increase in the surfaces covered in lace doilies and runners, as well as a new topic for Fox’s venting.

A picture of an pillow embroidered with “Kriff the Seppies” is briefly posted to the 104th’s account before being taken down and replaced with a censor bar. Rumors begin to circulate when Senator Chuchi posts a picture wearing a gifted lace shawl; Senator Amidala comments on her confusion being resolved as to why Riyo kept bringing little baskets of crochet thread with her before a senate meetings.

A competition for ship nose art starts up, many votes going to the 501st, and the holonet’s heart once again melting at “Plo’s Bros”. Personal art begins popping up soon after. Fives starts posting spray paint tutorials, Rex and Hardcase become popular for clean graphic art. Bly gets his hands on metallic paint and the crowds go wild. Kix has taken his clean haircut game to the next level.

And then Colt and Shaak Ti make an account to post art the Littles make, most of them representations of their older brothers with wishes of safety and good luck, and of the only Jedi they’ve ever known, sometimes creatures they studied in their preparation for worlds outside of Kamino. Of batches passing their final tests with a congratulatory post.

Suggestions and instructions are sent out for clones who want to take and sell commissions, allowing them to finally make some money; most Jedi are more than happy to help make sure the finished work mails out properly to the buyers.

Ships of the non-nose art kind surface on the holonet. It’s generally agreed upon that command_212 is run by husbands, and Aayla is the protector of the 327th and Bly’s heart, even if she’s a clumsy menace around his artwork (caf spilled over a drying watercolor can be interesting or terrible depending on the circumstance). No one can agree whether Skywalker is married to his captain or Senator Amidala, but everyone agrees that Ahsoka is their baby. The holonet declares Plo to have Big Dad Energy. Shaak Ti’s Big Mom Energy is a friendly rival. The Jedi council has made no official statement denying or denouncing these attachments.

Public interest begins to shift from producing more soldiers to making sure the ones the Republic has stay alive, when the realization hits that within a couple of years the children posting art and losing teeth would probably be losing blood and brothers on some far away planet. Of making sure the men are eating well instead of just surviving. Well certain account-holders don’t post for a while, grieving a loss, posting again to reassure their followers they’re alright, the public questions what’s being done to keep the men emotionally and mentally well outside of the hobbies the public knows them for. “Born to handle any stress” is very much the wrong answer.

Pressure is put on the Chancellor to let the Separatists sucede, no one quite sure anymore why allowing them to would be harmful when at worst new trade agreements would need to be brokered; if they want to leave so badly, let them. And let the men have their hobbies.

(Sad thoughts ahead)

Sometimes commissioners never receive their orders, simply a refund with a letter from that clone’s Jedi after the latest battle ends. Any money they’d made would be split however their closest brothers decide.

The channel that always posts pranks and spray paint tutorials makes a post saying they’d be away to look after their sick little brother. It’s the last post they make.

The Coruscant Guard’s account stops posting a few nights later.

After Order 66 goes out, a new account goes up posting any pictures and cute videos of Aayla. Reposting old ones that the public is sure they’d seen somewhere before, posting new ones of funny faces and ridiculous videos of silly dances. The last one is the only one captioned, “she wasn’t a traitor.”

The account is deleted the same night, and the one of the 327th’s adventures never posts again.

Wolfpack_104 does not post, but is still there.

Command_212 is deleted almost immediately the night of the order.

Years go by, almost sixteen, and only after Vader already knows she’s alive does Ahsoka post again. It’s a picture of her, and Rex and Wolffe onboard the Ghost in hyperspace captioned “Was never a traitor. Always the little sister even if I’m four years older. In case you’re wondering, Rex still draws and Wolffe still knits when we can nab the string and flimsi.”

[ask-lock-shock-and-barrel]

im already loving barrel's mom and dad so much, can you tell us more about them, like names?

((Yeah!

Barrel's mom is named Aurora, their dad is named Boris, and they both love(d) their little glowpup so dearly.

Aurora was, like in Barrel's story, a Northern Lights spirit they're sort of a 'cryptid' of the Christmas realm where they're sort of fascinating but unsettling, and their presence in any other realm would almost feel like interacting with a space alien. They're thousands-year old creatures that are regarded as super mystical and elusive by lorekeepers of the Christmas realm. With a few exceptions, they almost all lack vocal chords so they do not speak, or sing, and communicate through astral pictures in light. Most are pretty aloof in nature, and mostly driven to fulfill their purpose to create the lights with other celestial forces, but Aurora got bored of this lifestyle and got curious about other civilizations and after some very embarrassing and awkward first visit into Christmas Town, she decided to go explore new frontiers and wandered into the grove with the holiday trees, randomly choosing the Pumpkin Door, since it contained a non-winter color. After some exploring and scaring people with her complete lack of social cues (including thinking flipping people off is a gesture of kind greeting), she came across a small woodland commune gathering for a music show, and met Boris who chickened out of playing in the show out of anxiety, and innocently followed him home without his knowing and accidentally scared the bejeezus out of him. He had to sort of give her refreshers on social cues (as much as he could), but they bonded very quickly over their nonverbal communication tactics being fascinating and new to each other (Aurora was so excited to learn sign language), how each other was so strange and new to the other, and love of music. She was very sweet and a bit in the clouds, and had a goofy sense of humor that Barrel inherited from her, on top of her powers of astral projection, which has affected Barrel's dreams and inherited transformation skills as a werewolf. Up to this point, Barrel has been classified as a ghoul purely because they had no idea what the hell they were aside from half werewolf.

Boris, a werewolf, was unable to talk either from a very young age, possibly even at birth, and used sign language to communicate with his family. A lot of werewolves are nomadic by nature, which resulted in Boris sometimes feeling pretty isolated, and he also struggled to make friends. Once he became self sufficient, he decided to live in the woods independently, away from the busy city, and found peace and quiet in a small community of nomads. He was very warm and lighthearted around Aurora, and shied around strangers, who usually shied away from him first anyway because of his tall stature and looming silent presence. Aurora found him fascinating, and the first kind face she'd met anywhere, and they both became enamored with each other, blossoming into a romance, of which eventually resulted in the birth a certain trick or treater.

...I don't have much to say here except goddamn isn't Barrel just so cute.

Anyway, Barrel was about a year and a half old when a wildfire of mysterious origin tore through their little home and while Boris and Aurora were able to shelter Barrel from the flames, they both perished, and their spirits traveled to the dream realm together in a desperate bid to keep close watch on their baby.

Barrel was far too little to fully process the circumstances, but deeply affected by the feeling of loss in their heart, becoming achingly lonely. It was only after almost a year of surviving alone that Barrel would meet a new face and a new brother.))