#hes not even dirk anymore so idk why i call him that

[worldwidedino]

Random Ancient Owl headcanons cause Why Not ™️

*Asio’s ancestor is Alba(the guy from the Dirk fic). I’m kinda bored of the obligatory owl oc named Bubo/Tyto so I’m calling him Alba from Tyto alba aka the Barn Owl.

*Noctae? Social anxiety 1000%. Borderline agoraphobia.

*Even though I’m not the biggest fan of Harry Potter, I imagine the houses working the same. At a certain age, you go to the magic object and you get put into a house based what the thing tells you. People in the House of Math and Philosophy are more critical and ask lots questions about deep shit for how young they are. Like asking where their parents are from and just taking it back and back until they can’t take it back anymore. They’re also naturally gifted at math, obviously. And people from the House of Engineering and Leadership by being natural leaders and while also being naturally gifted at math, they more focus on building things using the math they know while they’re younger then just plain math. The rest I think is kinda obvious.

*I get Ancient Geek/Roman Empire vibes mixed with the 70s for some reason 🤷‍♀️

*Noctae tried in his special little Noctae way to hint that he knew he was going to die to Aegolius, but we saw how that worked out. Spoiler alert: he didn’t recognize the hints. Fucking Bastard Man

*The ancient owl language is a mix of Mayan and Latin. How that would work, idk I’m not a linguist

*The Otus dying yet being able to see his hologram thing was the only thing to truly stump Noctae.

*Since Noctae saw the future with math, he saw the events of the game. But since he’s social anxiety 100, he told no one

[pinktatertots99]

🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[alden-emroch]

Homestuck candy epilogue: My opinion

Okay i need to say this first: i haven’t read the meat one, this are my opinions on candy without looking at the other one.

This...was an experience certainly, i read non stop until i finished it, but half on it i realized: i didn’t like it. But, at the same time there were things i did like. -First, i like the fact that they wanted John to choose and so to us to choose and see the two timelines, i choosed candy first cause i wanted to se the consequences of staying and at the beggining i was happy about it, i liked that roxy was happy about John staying and that, but then...Gamzee.

-I don’t know ,even if it was planned by Hussie but i really HATED how this was done, i can understand the whole thing of ‘’oh he need a chance’’ he had many dude, he had many and every time he did things worst, but suddenly he’s sorry? My it would be better if they went with my now old old theory of Gamzee being crazy because of the effects of the weird green liquid he dranks at the beggining, the one everyone said it was toxic? when i read about it at the time, i assumed he went nuts cause that thing fried his brain and even tho is a bit dumb, that for me would be more normal than ‘’oh i’m sorry just cause i was in the fridge’’ at least John knew how messed up the situation was. -I have no complains about Kanaya and Rose i think they stayed in character and they were probably the best ones here.

-I had a bad feeling about this weird sht of JadexKarkatxDave, more like JadexDave and let’s ruin karkat. Okay but seriously, DaveKat is one of my favorite shipps since i saw them at the end of homestuck but they got so ruined in here, not just because Jade was so intrusive (and out of character when she did that) but cause Karkat was still being mean to Dave, and okay listen i know i know...that’s his personality but, they were together for years and nothing changed? He was nice with Terezi back then he showed signs of caring and love at his way and i can understand his behavior cause he was young but...he’s almost an adult then, he knows about Dave’s childhood , then why he doesn’t support him or is more loving ? Like, if they’re together for so long it’s normal to support each other, or at least, talk normaly and calmly, but he shouts everytime Dave teases him a little, which makes the couple look toxic and i would understand if they got appart cause of that but at the end of the story they miss each other like?? if they liked each other so much why writte them like that, this plot of Jade karkat and Dave was managed so bad... They even showed that almost kiss after Dirks death which means, karkat cared karkat supported , but just that one time? why nothing happen? nothing was explained, the next thing we knew was they were fighting BECAUSE OF JADE, no of them but Jade, Dave wasn’t brave enough to tell her to go away of give them sometime or just talk??? idk i’m not gonna say more cause i can talk about this for hours but yeah, i’m really angry how bad they did this. -Oh yeah , Jane x Jake is the worst shit ever, seriously, i can understand the shipp, but not only was the worst way i’ve seen a couple start but the worst abusive relationship, Jade had plans and when she saw all of it crush inmediatly went ‘’oh yeah i liked jake didn’t i? let’s go’’ , like ...????. Jake is weak i understand but, he doesn’t have any respect for himself or what??? And no one told him to the damn face how bad was the thing? like , everyone knew about how bad things were but no one did anything except john...kinda. And he just accepted this relationship cause he still felt something towars Jane but....dude at least think a bit about it, how do you know that’s still love or pitty. And seeing how much i hate Gamzee words cannot express how furious i was about that Gamzee x Jane x Jake, at a certain point i didn’t even read anymore the dialogue of Gamzee with Jane, i just felt sick, specially seeing that she was with Gamzee like a kissmesis but put Jake in a corner all the time except when her father died. At least i’m glad Jake finally noticed and left with his son.

-Calliope went missing like half of the story and suddenly returned and we didn’t know nearly anything besides ‘’she was with roxy’’.

-Roxy x John was too rushed tbh , if i think of this as a fanfic i can understand it tho. -Godamnit Dirk with your stupid villain stuff, i don’t like it nor understand this, the only way i could understand his motives were ‘’I’m bored and if there’s nothing interesting to do let’s just die’’  but the fact of the robot in his room tells me he had it planned waay before so...what? Why? They didn’t explained much in candy so idk, maybe his motives are actually well explained (or not) -Even tho DaveKat was managed poorly i think Dave was one of the few ones that stayed in character, he didn’t suddenly chanded he matured and that was fine, except for the ending , i will talk about that in the end. -I really hate Gamzee here goddammit. -Kanaya and Rose naming her daughter Vriska is really disturbing, but at least john acknowledges this. -Did they just confirmed that Jade has a d- ck? Why tho? I don’t think it was needed (i don’t know if i understood that one good but i think that is the thing (Candy 18)) -This may be a unpopular opinion but i don’t care about the sons enough to read a whole page of them talking? And i don’t like them either, they bully Tavros a lot, in fact Tavros is like my favorite but he doesn’t talk much? He has this scene of John trying to get him out cause he’s scared of gamzee trying to touch him BUT NO ONE DOES NOTHING BESIDES JOHN? and this gots forgotten, what happen? What Tavros thinks? Why he talks so little? I was genuinly worried about this kid but he didn’t have enough time. The sons are more like plot devices, they just talk and in the middle of it they explaing what’s happening, so i didn’t care that much, too bad :/ -I’m glad John called Jade about her horrible behaviour, even tho she does nearly nothing about it, she doesn’t have a part where she thinks if the things she did were wrong or not, i wish we had that, but no. -I’m happy about Karkat being the leader of the rebels but i think the war it’s just stupid...makes me remember that movie about flash and time traveling to save her mother resulting in a world war of aquaman with wonderwoman just cause he kinda cheated on her or something like that, i feel the reason of the war in here just as stupid, glad to see everyone thinks the same.in the story. (Even so, karkat is so cool being the leader, sorry, i had to) -The thing about Terezi Dying genuinly make me tear a little :c -Why didn’t John said to Dave that Karkat was in the party? Like...what matters? he’s married at that moment, just knowing is not gonna change a thing, after all they’re in war. -WHY THE HELL gamzee ducks so many people???? Why????? Damn even vriska!! At least she killed him , i was so happy about that. -The talk John has with Roxy was so good gosh, it was one of the best things there, she nailed it and make me emotional for a while, i wish i can explain more why i like it so much but that can be in another post. -Okay finally What the hell happen at the end? I mean, to me is a bit obvious this was a trick made by Dirk, this was to much of a coincidente, but not just that, Dave character broke entirley here for me. When he starts to talk about Karkat i was really crying , mostly because of how much Dave was suffering for this, he almos never ever cries, but he was tearing his eyes out in here, he let everything he was suppresing go and he just said ‘’ I miss him’’ and ‘’I love jade’’ , he still can do so much and he still has things to do, but when they offered the robot, he doesn’t think at all and just goes?? Why????? Like i get it the thing about Obama and that but...hes an adult, he’s smart he didn’t think more than that? He has a wife , he obviously wants to talk to karkat more but he trows all that to the trash and says ‘’yeah let’s go’’????  If you tell me this happens cause Dirk is doing stuff to the narrative...that’s not good, not at all, this whole thing about him controlling the narration is messed up and it feels so OP, it feels so stupid like Vriska being the ‘’true hero we all needed’’ just cause Hussie liked her so much to make her almost the damn main character in the ending. Trowing Dave dreams like that, not even letting him to question everything, if the last part was manipulated to make him choose the ultimate self, then means Dirk needs a restriction in his power before that, or else, the plot itself doesn’t make any fucking sense, because he would just choose everything for everyone and that’s just stupid, it just makes the whole story a literal fanfiction made by him, which is honestly really dissapointing. But anyway, those are all my thoughs about the candy one, it’s just my opinion about it.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 19 (Epilogue 4 Page 2)

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 18-27 [Epilogue 4]

So that happened.

In this chapter: a struggle over narration itself.

Dirk Strider has assumed control of the narration. Not unprecedented - Homestuck loves to put its narration in-voice for various characters - but in this case he’s making out that it was him all along, which has like, consequences I guess?

chapter 18

Dirk is narrating, and John actually notices sometimes - when Dirk uses words like ‘functional necessity’. But because Dirk has control over his internal monologue, the plot presses on.

It seems that just about the entire Furthest Ring has gone into the black hole, except for John maybe? Dirk narrates that John starts to blame himself for all this, and thereby decides not to go back to Earth C. He then directs John to find his dad’s wallet, floating in the void.

Despite what Dirk has said, he certainly has a different narrative voice to the preceding narration.

It’s notable that John seems to have some independence from Dirk’s narration. He can directly respond in dialogue to Dirk’s declarations, including to challenge them. Dirk’s power as narrator seems to be limited, not equivalent to the full powers of the ‘author’.

chapter 19

Dirk continues to narrate Jade giving an economic presentation to Roxy and Callie, on the subject of how Jane wants to basically recreate capitalist hierarchy, but on the new world, and that’s a pretty dreadful idea. She actually says the words “capitalist hierarchy”, and declares “none of that stuff works”... Homestuck’s politics seem to have changed, at least somewhat. (Perhaps due to Cephied’s influence..?)

Roxy is reluctant to get involved in politics, and concerned for Jane... and Dirk says something which I think will be important.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

Anyway, then something else significant happens... Callie says they’re nonbinary.

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!

CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.

CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

Roxy likewise says they’re enby too... this causes Dirk to have a bit of a meltdown.

I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and...

You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.” I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.

So yeah, I’m gonna allow it.

‘secure in his expression of masculinity’ was not the impression I had of Dirk personally, but I guess we’re going with this characterisation here.

For the rest of this chapter, Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and Callie in narration - seemingly not deliberately, he swears and corrects himself shortly after.

There’s another interesting conversation where Calliope talks about how ideas of gender were, ‘circuitously’, transmitted to Calliope/Caliborn from watching Earth, and how these shaped Alternia (ok this one’s a little confusing because they didn’t make Alternia? though of course Doc Scratch did affect Alternia). So the system of gendered social relations is literally a “copy without an original” - Baudrillard was more right than he knew!

Anyway Dirk interrupts this discussion to narrate that Jade has a sudden vision of the black hole, and passes out...

chapter 20

Jade ‘wakes up’ in the furthest ring - was there a Dream Jade out here? i thought all the dream selves died but I don’t really remember anymore. Over here, she’s injured - she’s got a big piece of ‘the absence of a future’ skewering her.

Dirk narrates how she’s drawn towards the black hole - ‘the dead cherub is making her move’. At one point, his orange narration is interrupted by red text - the word ‘come’.

Of course, we now know that this dead Jade will fall into the Candy universe, where it will be inhabited by alt-Calliope. I am rather confused about how this came about though. Who’s this almost-dead Jade floating in the Furthest Ring? Why did Jade’s consciousness get shunted into her body?

chapter 21

Dave and Karkat are witnessing the first brood from the Mother Grub. Dave figures it’s kind of gross... and Karkat agrees after ribbing Dave a bit for being insensitive.

Anyway they’re here to try and win over Rose and Kanaya to the election campaign, only, they’re being predictably very Dave and Karkat about it, which is fun. Dirk’s narration is almost taking a backseat here... though occasionally stepping in to point to a trait of characterisation as why he’s going to win.

It’s nice to have Kanaya give some proper dialogue! She talks a bit about troll reproduction, the latent potential for fascism in both Jane and... Feferi. Which, fair.

Anyway Kanaya is rightly pissed about Jane’s plans for troll eugenics.

Dirk occasionally editorialises. Morality, he declares, is a cultural construct (complicatedly true so far as it goes) - it’s “pure ego” for them to think their morality will guide them to the “most effective” laws (that’s also a cultural construct you fucking idiot!)

Dave, continuing in his capacity to make everything as maximally awkward as possible, starts speculating about ectobiological ‘Rosemary babies’ (Kanaya has apparently not considered the term ‘Rosemary’ before, and declares that she hates it).

Kanaya gets concerned and calls Rose - and Dirk reminds us that she’s unconscious on his floor, and answers for her, but explains nothing. Because “John’s doing something important to the plot again” - and Dirk has to be there to narrate, I guess.

chapter 22

Keen to complete his full assumption of the role of ‘anime villain’, Dirk’s narration starts talking about breaking down the boundaries between people to become gods - to become ‘one god’.

Anyway, in this chapter, John bumps into Meenah’s ghost. She steals the Ring of Life that he previously took from Aranea while performing his current spate of retcons, and jumps into a ‘server’. (What did the servers do again? I don’t remember... ok apparently they’re just there in the Furthest Ring, as places people can store such things as wizard fiction and ~ATH programs on them...)

anyway it seems that Meenah can go through the door in the server somehow. presumably ending up in the Candy universe? idk. The wiki didn’t say a lot about what these servers do.

chapter 23

Not much narration, just dialogue. Kanaya arguing with Dirk, specifically. She’s not impressed by Dirk’s excuses (Dirk briefly interrupts to declare that she doesn’t really ‘understand’ Rose, even though she loves her) and sets out to retrieve Rose. Dirk keeps this a secret from Rose...

chapter 24

Minimum editorialising from Dirk this time. John floats around endlessly, and runs into... Terezi! Sure am glad to have her back :D

chapter 25

Dirk and Rose have an argument about... intimacy, identity, and other such philosophical things. Kirkegaard is name-dropped, and it comes out that Dirk (like me lol) gets most of his knowledge from Wikipedia, because obviously he grew up in a post-apocalyptic world...

ROSE: Who exactly were the academic cognoscenti of your era to determine which sources were deemed respectable?

DIRK: That would be me, obviously.

ROSE: Ok.

DIRK: I suppose you’re going to tell me you haven’t read enough Wikipedia articles on loads of scholarly shit to fancy yourself an elite academic by 25th century standards as well?

ROSE: No, I guess I have.

ROSE: I’d be one of the top intellectuals by that measure.

ROSE: A measure set by, I guess, literally one solitary self-absorbed teen boy for the express purpose of making himself feel clever.

DIRK: Absolutely correct.

They agree to have an ‘amateur philosophical debate’, which comes around to whether ‘free will’ exists. Oh boy. Dirk gets Rose to try to stand up, but then doesn’t ‘narratively allow’ it.

Dirk lectures her on the origin of her condition: the disappearance of boundaries in the ‘ultimate self’ amounts to an ‘unbundling’ of experiences (subjectivity, I guess) and the physical processes connecting to it. Dirk, supposedly, is strong enough to withstand this - so he offers to support Rose as she opens her ‘other eyes’, seeing what Dirk sees - presumably the ‘entire story’ that they’re in?

In this state, Rose is also able to see across into the Candy story. She describes both branches as a kind of ‘gross conceptual clumping’, comparing it to congealed sugar in a drink.

Dirk invites her to ascend - that she won’t be ‘her’ anymore, but ‘better’. This is described as an intimate process of perfect knowledge of the other person... and leads Dirk to start speaking possessively of Rose, his daughter in every respect, including ‘soul’.

Oh no Rose... this isn’t ideal :/

it’s funny, I have written before about such a ‘coming together’ of people, of ‘ascension’ in a similar sense, in my story ‘hacker’. but that wasn’t about assuming an ‘ultimate’, godlike form - the gestalt was a different person with different concerns, but not a ‘perfect’ person. here it’s a much more negative thing - a way for Dirk to take control over the ‘ultimate’ Rose.

chapter 26

Dirk’s narration seems to be perceptible, at least in some sense of inner monologue, to Jade. He’s trying to persuade her not to descend into the Black Hole (which, we now know to mean, the Candy universe) through his ‘metatexual’ messaging.

But he’s not succeeding. Alt-Calliope once again interrupts the narration at one point - and Dirk previously did not seem to recognise that it’s her doing it, but now he does.

In Dirk’s eyes, what he’s trying to prevent is a suicide. We know that going into the black hole is not suicide, but going to the Candy universe.

Notably when Dirk has the narration outright declare that something happens, that does not mean it takes effect in the way he describes. He is literally an unreliable narrator.

chapter 27

At this point, alt-Calliope and Dirk are outright fighting to contradict each other in the narration. (i’m gonna keep using ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope, since to my understanding she’s a different person than Calliope)

alt-Calliope’s descriptions are adorably alien - referring to the ‘layers of flesh over her skull’ that maker her ‘expressive’, for example.

Apparently it’s not Jade occupying Jade’s body back on Earth C - the Meat!Earth C that is - but alt-Calliope. Alt-Calliope starts lecturing Dirk in the narration of the corrosive effect of his ‘megalomaniacal’ intentions. Somehow, she pretty much entirely shunts Dirk out of the narrator role. Dirk’s text - complaining rather than narrating - shrinks, and ultimately disappears.

There’s a fucking amazing moment when alt-Calliope gets Dirk going on a whole rant about katanas and how she’s supposedly metaphorically using them wrong.

But ultimately, what she’s going to do is just... ignore him. Or rather, talk about him like he isn’t in the room; use his metaphors, but do not allow him the dignity of response.

experiences such as the sensation of presiding over a vast, empty ocean. his ocean, which terminates with his horizon. it is a barrier, not real, but psychological, symbolic. no matter how much power he achieves as a man, he knows there are horizons he perceived as a boy which he may never cross. and yet i have crossed mine, with the express purpose of perpetually and eternally reminding him of his limits, and of enforcing them. limits, which like his vast, empty ocean, serve to remind him that he is phenomenologically, if not literally, alone. that he has experienced loneliness intimately and absolutely, just like i have. but unlike me, he is terrified by it. and i, unlike him, understand all too well that the children left alone are those who most despair at being ignored.

Epilogue 4, in summary

Damn. I can see why they call this the ‘meat’ route.

So.

Dirk has found some way to assert control of the narrative voice. In this capacity, he’s run roughshod over the various events trying to mechanically arrange them to achieve... some kind of end. But his carelessness in attending to the specific characterisations, instead of relating everything back to himself, somehow left him vulnerable to be excluded from the narration by alt-Calliope.

Whatever Dirk’s plan is, it seems to require... Jane and him to assume rulership of Earth C, and... what else? Well he wanted Jade to go into the Furthest Ring, but not to enter the black hole (because ultimately that allowed alt-Calliope to enter the narrative). He wanted John to do various ‘plot relevant’ things, like... presumably hand over the ring to Meenah, acquire the wallet, and meet Terezi.

Where’s all this going? Fuck knows lol!

We can try and talk about all the issues of identity, ‘free will’ and so forth towards the end, and the interesting attempt to connect that to gendered subjectivity, once we’ve taken in the story as a whole.

[landofsomethingsomething]

ooo how about john trying to pull a prank on roxy but she either catches him in the act or pranks him back since shes been bffsies with jane for years and nothing surprises her anymore

Roxy woke to the sound of her phone buzzing incessantly on the nightstand. Half awake and grumbling to herself, she flipped over onto her back, reached blindly out with one arm, and flopped her hand around like a dying fish until it connected with something hard and square and probably her phone. Somewhere nearby her on the bed, an indignant cat meowed a rebuke, and there was a distinct thud as the jostled animal fled. Roxy called out an apology to the affronted cat and simultaneously unlocked her phone with a quick swipe, held it up before her squinting eyes, and frowned. 

One notification, from John. A simple text containing one ominous emoji: 🎭. 

So. It was gonna be that kind of day, then. 

She didn’t bother to reply, but she did open it up so it’d mark as read on his end. Stew in that one for awhile, Egbert. She tossed her phone beside her on the bed, sat up, and stretched. Let’s do this, she thought, grinning. Another cat peered in from the bedroom door, green eyes blinking slowly. Roxy blinked slowly back. 

Phase one was easy; bedroom to bathroom. She kicked off the covers and swung her legs over the bed – and hopped lightly over the waiting tub of sopor slime plunked down on the floor, right where she’d normally be standing. No sweat. She took three steps toward the bathroom, ducked without even bothering to look, and easily cleared a roll of transparent plastic wrap fastened expertly between her vanity mirror and an old wizard clock taller than she was. Her favorite slippers (cats, of course) were discarded on the bathroom floor, kicked off before bed last night, and she bent and picked them up and carefully shook them out one by one. 

Nothing. She frowned, quirking an eyebrow. Bullshit. 

She felt around the plush soles, and – “Hah!” A telltale square chip, slid into the padding. She fished it out with a finger, shaking her head. “Got you,” she muttered, peering curiously at it. She pressed it between her fingers just to see what it would do.

The answer, apparently, was emit a pressure-trigged garbled tinny mishmash of meowing sounds through a miniscule speaker. Perfect. Laughing, she pocketed the device and continued to the toilet. Seat down. Suspicious. Behind her, a cat pranced into the room, eagerly anticipating its early morning toilet scritches. 

She went to one knee. With one hand, she gave the confused kitty the scritches it had come for, and with the other, she lifted the toilet seat, cringing back – but nothing happened. She examined every inch of the porcelain throne and found absolutely nothing, and in fact, was about to just go ahead and do her damn business already, when she thought to check the fucking toilet paper. 

Tinfoil. Not a tinfoil covered roll of toilet paper, oh no. Just a goddamn toilet paper shaped roll of tinfoil. She snorted. Went to the cabinet to pull a fresh one out. Found six more tinfoil toilet papers. Muttered a few choice oaths under her breath. 

Whatever. Who didn’t piss in the shower every once in awhile? He’d love hearing all about it, next time he was over in the morning. She pulled the tinfoil roll still up by the toilet out a bit and crinkled it, and Mr. Morning Bathroom Scritches happily took the bait, pawing at it. 

To the shower. She saw the device on the head plainly – he didn’t even try to hide it. Curious, she turned the water on just to see what would happen. 

Pink water shot out. Food dye? Probably. The little bastard had probably filled her hair shit with it, too. It was almost tempting to just use it – who had a problem with pink hair? But the truth was, she didn’t trust John’s choice of dye material. Besides, this shit was meant to turn all of her pink, obviously, not just the hair. 

– Actually, she was kind of tempted to just let that happen, too. 

Maybe later. 

She disabled the food coloring (or whatever) device and took a quick shower – and a long piss – and remembered at the last second to check the towels before yanking one off the rack. 

She lifted the edge of one, gingerly. 

It stained her fingertips pink. 

She laughed. 

The towel itself was already pink, of course, that was its natural state… all the easier to hide whatever the fuck this pink powder was all over it. And they were all like that, of course. Naturally. 

She stood in front of the mirror and resolved to air dry. It wasn’t that cold, anyway. Nothing in the hairbrush, but the blow dryer had what looked like the dessicated remains of a feather duster shoved up the barrel, so she set that down for another day. She’d make his enterprising ass pick them all out, later. Only fair. 

Back out and back under the wall of cellophane, and off to face the wardrobe. 

As it turned out, all her clothes were gone. Except her favorite dress. Which also happened to be his favorite dress. Which was a damn good dress, for like, a date. Not that it was horribly indecent – John wasn’t that kind of guy, which was usually charming – it was just, you know. Sequins. Ruffles. Showy. 

“I guess,” she said, pulling it off the hanger, “In Egbert land, prank day counts as a special occasion.” 

Another cat wound itself around her ankles, purring agreement. 

By the time she retrieved her phone, she had three more messages. Two were from John – the same emoji as before, but in greater numbers – and the third was Jane. Roxy opened that one eagerly. 

GG: Miss Roxy. GG: Might I inquire why, on this lovely spring morning, all of the clothing in my closet has been joined by what I can only describe as the most Roxy-like attire I have ever seen? TG: i would invite uTG: on this lovely spring morningTG: to ask ur fuckin son about that cause i guarantee you at this point he knows more than me GG: Oh my. GG: Prank day? TG: he was gonna turn me pink janeTG: pink from head to toeTG: pink dye pink powder and also he put a meow speaker in my meowcat slippersTG: might keep that one tbhTG: its p cuteGG: I gather from your phrasing that his dastardly efforts have been thus far unsuccessful. TG: hmmTG: actually not sure if i can trust you on thisGG: Roxy! TG: prank day is kind of an egbert AND crocker thing and u know thisGG: I cannot believe you would accuse me, your best friend, of collaborating with John to turn you pink. TG: the clothes ARE in your wardrobe apparentlyGG: And if I was in on this, why would I tell you so? TG: fuckTG: uhhhTG: idk but im sure theres a reasonTG: plots within plotsTG: wheels within wheelsTG: cats within catsTG: sec i gotta scritch a cat right fuckin nowGG: Of course. GG: Well. Since I am apparently suspect, I shall leave you to face your trials in peace. Please pick up these clothes in at least a halfway timely fashion, if you please. Closet space is an asset to be cherished, thank you very much. TG: pfft TG: u got like 15 closets all to yourself dont give me thatGG: Even so. TG: alright okayTG: if i survive this ill be by later maybeTG: maybe tomorrowTG: depends ;)GG: Not another word. GG: Tomorrow will be fine. Thank you. GG: And remember what I taught you. TG: he aint got me yetGG: Good. 

She pocketed her phone, checked her shoes five times for hidden gimmicks, found nothing, and sidestepped three buckets of glitter assembled above three separate doorways on her way out. He’d be cleaning all that up later, too, along with any cats who happened to inadvertently roll around in the glitter piles.

… After she took pictures.

The front door seemed strangely bereft of mischievous devices, and having found nothing, it was with some trepidation that she turned the knob and pushed the door open, squinting out into the daylight.

A series of loud pops and flashes nearly blinded her, as apparently an entire newsroom’s worth of photographers got to work snapping pictures. She recovered herself quickly – of course she did – and turned the arm she’d thrown up over her eyes into a dramatic wave, instead, swaying her hips as she descended the steps. The effect, she thought, was only magnified by the entourage of bounding cats spilling out around her.

“Are you serious!” John’s voice in the crowd, and then John himself, hovering up above it, arms crossed. “Not a single one?”

She waved her phone at him. “Not a one, and Janey’s already spilled the beans on where the clothes are, so you don’t even get to lord that one over me this time around.”

The cameras weren’t stopping – probably because the two of them were famous gods and the tabloids fuckin’ loved them, but whatever. She leapt up into the air and lunged after John, who made a not very sincere attempt to lunge away, only to be yanked back by Roxy’s fist bunched up in the back of his shirt. She spun him around in the air, laughing.

“What’s with all the pink, anyhow?” She elbowed him, and he caught her arm, trapping it in his. “First Jake with the blue, now you with the pink, is this kinda fetish a genetic thing I should know about?”

He wrinkled his nose – it was fucking adorable, actually – and stuck his tongue out at her. “It’s not like that,” he insisted. He was lifting her higher, high enough that the sound of the cameras was fading off into nothing. The boy did love to fly. She followed him up, smirking. “I was trying to pick something obnoxious, that you would hate, but also that you would secretly kind of like.”

“Pink kinda is my color,” she conceded.

“Exactly!”

“I liked the slippers.” She slipped the chip out of her pocket, holding it up. John laughed.

“Dirk made that just for you,” he said. “He said you’d find it, though. Guess he was right.”

She pressed the panel down and the tiny speaker erupted in heavily compressed meow-sounds, mingling with the wind. They were far, far up, now, with damp little wispy cloud trails swirling around them. “Hells of cute,” she said, waving it under his nose. He laughed and slipped an arm around her and shot up through the clouds, pulling her with him. It should have been cold up here, especially in the damn dress she was wearing, but godhood came with a number of pretty good perks.

“Tell you what,” she said, grinning, and he looked back at her curiously, eyebrows shooting up. “One day I’m gonna get you so good, you never try any of this prank day shit on me again.”

He scoffed at her. “Yeah right. That’s what they all say.”

She stopped cold in the air, and he drifted to a stop a few seconds later, looking down at her, hands on his hips. Curls of cloud stuff danced between them. Roxy grinned devlishly at him, darted forward, and –

“Hey!” John gasped, as she shot past and grabbed his legs, turning him over in the air. He reached up to grab her, missed, and she worked his shoes off with ease. “Knock it off!” He kicked at her, socked feet far too slow to actually connect, and she laughed a wild laugh and shoved him forward, somersaulting him in the air. “This is not a prank!” he insisted, righting himself and huffing at her, cheeks red. “It doesn’t count! Give me back those shoes.”

“Not a chance,” she said, sweetly, dropping them. He gasped, and predicably, he dove for them. Simultaneously, Roxy dove for him.

She caught him by the waistband as he went darting by, and momentum did the rest. He made an absolutely hilarious yelping sound, gave up on catching his shoes, and spun upward to witness her hovering above him, waving his pants in one hand like a flag.

“Roxy!” He shouted, flushing crimson. “Give those back, come on! This is not how pranking works!”

“Says you,” Roxy said, blowing him a kiss. “See you later! And remember: I love you very much.”

“Roxy, wait –”

He shot for her, but she was already gone, pants in hand, in a rush of wind and void. She laughed uproariously as the blue and white folded around her and changed abruptly to starry black.

Sucker.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROZE: Dis is tha lightn'n round, D-to-tha-izzave. ROZE: We didn't make tha rules. Real niggas recognize the realness. ROZE: Anyway, I'm ready ta blow mah Referee Sport Whistle™ if you don't answa before tha Commercially Endorze' Game Clock expires.

DAVE fo my bling bling: i thizzle tha lightn'n rounds rappa DIZNAVE: whizny dont we have a distraction ta seal tha deal DAVE, chill yo: hizzy mizzy i thizzle harleydad motherfucka tizzy be talkin 'bout you

ROXY: jake? ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right ROXY: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. gotta go catch up wit hizzy soon... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. ROXY: ill wave hello fiznor niznow

DAVE: i dont think hizzle hatin'

ROXIZZLE like a tru playa': dammit jake lizzle ova here u gizzoof ROXIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: gonna stizzay a fiznire hiznere wizzy all this frizzle wavin

DIZZAY: nope hes completely out ta lunch DIZZAY: just like all tha harleyberts

RIZZLE: HIIIII JIZZAY

ROXY: JAKE ROXY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. JAKE DAMMIT HI

JAKE: Oh now pass the glock. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Um sorry. JAKE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. H... hi roxy in all flavas. JAKE: Youre wit us again n... You gotta check dis shit out yo. n... i lizzy thizzat.

ROXIZZLE: :D

DAVE: thats it? DAVE: hes right bizzack at it wit tha bizzull homey DIZZAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: whizzle wit hizzay DIZNAVE: he reminds me a lizzle of J-to-tha-izzohn but reallizzle quiet wizzy be very unjohnish

ROXY: jakizzles bootylicious!

RIZZLE puttin tha smack down: but yeah hizzy niznot like thizzat all tha tiznime

ROXY: he be p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he D-to-tha-izzoesnt like crowds mizzy ROXY: he became sort of a hermit afta a few months 'n our session ROXY: he mainly hizzle out wit dirk until he eventually sorta S-H-to-tha-izzut him out too ROXY: dude jiznust likes his lonesome time i guess?

DIZZLE: ill try gettin ta kniznow hiznim some time DAVE: maybe trap him like a shizzay woodland creature DAVE, betta check yo self: then brutally harangue him wit mah typically riznad shit n become airtight brizzos DAVE: right there 'n tha gang bangin' woods DIZZLE: exactly how nature intizzle

RIZZLE: omg yes ROXIZZLE: i wizzay help u rig yo' jakesnares ROXY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. maybe lizneave sizzle hunkizzle dudebait, like a trail of micrizzles sprinkled thrizzay out tha forest

DIZZAY: off tha hook thanks mom DIZNAVE: roxy i mean

ROZE: Dizzay, even I'm bustin' less trouble referr'n to Roxy by playa N-to-tha-izzame consistently, n I wizzay tha one who grew up knowing gangsta as mah literal motha. ROZE sho nuff: Wizzy be ballin' on with you? Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.

DIZZLE: nuttin DIZZY: its just liznike semi accidentally replac'n a word wit anotha word in a majoritizzle of instizzles DIZZAVE: wizzy d-ya nee' ta read th'n into everyth'n

ROZE: Yoe right. How could anyone possibly read anyth'n into that sizzort of repeated slip-up.

DIZZAVE: exactly

ROZE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. What if yoe mak'n ha uncomfortable?

ROXY: its fine R-E-A-Double-Lizzy! ROXY: i thizzle it be sizzay endear'n

DIZZAVE: see rose yall worry'n 'bout nuttin as usizzle DAVE: moms fine wit it DAVE so i can get mah pimp on: moxy

RIZZLE: snort

DIZZY: i mean DIZZLE: romy DAVE: mommy DAVE: wizzait fiznuck DAVE: ok thizzle one was fucked up DAVE: liznets make sure i motherfucka hustla fuck'n say that again

ROXY: im dizzy here ROXY, betta check yo self: dave...stoppit ROXIZZLE: im a sizzy

DAVE: i cant DIZZAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: its lizzike i wizzy ho-slappin' before DAVE: dis be a fizzay of nature we all gotta just deal wit DAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. strida blurtscapadizzles D-TO-THA-IZZAVE fo' sheezy: dizzles fly'n bona circus DIZZAVE: dis shit be immizzle DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: i hizzay ta face dis fact a long time ago DAVE fo gettin yo pimp on: i cizzy eitha trizzy ta change tizzy P-to-tha-izzart of mysizzle W-H-to-tha-izzich is an unwizzle war DIZZLE: or i could try focus'n on bein L-to-tha-izzike a vaguely half decent pizzle so at lizzle the S-H-to-tha-izzit i inevitably blizzurt out from dizzy down isnt all that bizzy DIZZAY: coz the bizzle S-T-to-tha-izzuff hizzle bizzeen and be stiznill be'n purge' thrizzay an arduous L-to-tha-izzong term process of complete n utta humizzle

RIZZLE: dawg ROXIZZLE n shit: arduous L-to-tha-izzong tizzay proceszes of complete n gangsta humiliation be basically mah aesthetizzle ROXY: anyways yiznou be a S-I-Double-Lizzy dizzle n its ok if u keep callin me mizzy on "accident" :)

ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. I hope it be similarly ok wizzith you if I make tha conscizzles decision ta refrain from call'n you that drug deala. ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. Unlike Dave, I've takizzle bootylicious pride in tha meticulous maintenance of mah intizzle filta. ROZE: I dizzle think I hizzay tha same luxizzle he does. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. ROZE ta help you tap dat ass: Humilizzle just makes mah dizzles angria.

ROXY: yeah roze call me whizzle mah nizzle! ROXY: bizzle um lmao you gots a wizzay of makin that sound lizzle scary

DAVE: its fucked up that shiznes jok'n biznut also not even reallizzle DIZZAVE: yizzy figure out how ta crack ha deadpizzle rizzles theres an art ta it

ROXY: yizzy guys... RIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. an ur friggin psycho babble droppin hits! ROXY yaba daba dizzle: its a rizziot ROXY: suddenly feelin lizzy maybe im tha W-to-tha-izzeak liznink 'n dis family tree on tha analytizzle front ROXY: nee' ta stizzep up mah gizzle

ROZE: Ta be fair, Dave's game be prizzle flimsy paper'd up. ROZE: He bizneen jack'n mah motherfucka fo` yizzay. He onlizzle pulls it off coz he funnizzle. ROZE: N ta be even faira, I'm not actually M-to-tha-izzuch of a psychizzle. ROZE: I know just enough ta know that I barely know perpetratin', n probably wizzould hizzay benefited frizzay, I don't kizzy, "college", or something.

ROXIZZLE: ok whizzle i feel a bit lizness lame then ROXIZZLE: i killa dirks insane scrutinization of all doggy stylin' cerebral had a similar way of mobbin' onizzles ego RIZZLE: maybe thiznat was smoke 'n mirrors tizzay idk ROXY: maybe since he n i be ur parents, 'n terms of psycho skillz... ROXY n shit: hes gots ALL genes n i gots NONE ROXY: so that means dave gots SOME genizzles n roze gots LOTS now pass the glock?? RIZZLE: wherein SOME be more than NIZZLE n LIZZOTS is less than ALL ROXY: ???

ROZE: That Q-to-tha-izzuite a scientific wiznay of trippin' at it. ROZE: Mizzay it even trizzay?

ROXIZZLE: yeah i fizzle LIZZOVE SCIENCE n we out!!!

DAVE: ok then that explains everyth'n

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat

DAVE: if you gots all tha science genes then that mizneans some scrizzle off on me DAVE: whizzle would explain why mah bizzle are so ill D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: its cauze mah science be off tha charts

ROZE: Holy shizzay in tha dogg pound. ROZE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Can someone come push dis nizzay off tha lilypad in tha dogg pound?

ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. dat explanation thizzle ROXIZZLE: :')

ROZE n shit: Cringeworthy rap notwithstand'n, RIZZLE: I do recall hear'n hiznim bizzay 'bout want'n ta be a scientizzle on more than one occizzle. ROZE: If the wiznorld hadn't ended. ROZE: What wizzas it? Archeology? Paleontizzle?

DAVE: yeah i dizzy DAVE ridin' in mah double R: one of those chillin' DAVE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. whicheva involvizzle more dead shizzle DIZZAVE: mizzle

ROXY upside yo head: paleontolizzle!! ROXY: u wanted ta studizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat?

DIZZY: i sincerely mumbled 'bout thizze idea once or twice sizzy

ROXY with my forty-fo' mag: thats neat ROXY now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: what 'bout yizzy rose ROXY: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. did u actually wizzant ta be a legit psychiatrist n go ta schoo' fo` that n all?

ROZE: I dizzle recall mah thoughts on higha education. ROZE: Mah passion fo` tha subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young gizzirl wit misplaced conviction in ha abilities. Its just anotha homocide. ROZE: I probably tizzy I cizzle jiznust figure it all out myself n skizzle tha academic coronation. ROZE: I don't thizzink M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout it anymore ya dig? ROZE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Possibly coz there no one lizzeft ta anizzle, except fo` tha modest populizzle of dis frog disc.

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat wizzay you W-to-tha-izzant ta do with yo' liznife instead?

RIZZLE: i mizzle assum'n there were no mizzore evildoa ta worry 'bout ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon't know. ROZE: What be thiznere evizzle ta consida do'n wit godhood BIZZUT concern oneself wit evildoa aww nah?

DAVE keep'n it real yo: what 'bout yo' qiznuest

ROZE: Hm? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

DAVE: tha shit wit yo' planet n tha rain n stuff DAVE ya feelin' me? wasnt there S-T-to-tha-izzill sum-m sum-m ta do there

ROZE: I... gizzay so?

ROXY fo gettin yo pimp on: yeah RIZZLE: i did mine! I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. ROXY: or at lizzy a version of it specific ta mah sitizzle ROXIZZLE: i git tha feelin tizzy change around n such clockin' on W-H-to-tha-izzat tha lay of tha L-to-tha-izzand be ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. mah reality wizzle fizzle so mah denizen just kinda... rerouted me ROXY: Chill as I take you on a trip. nothin too fancy

DAVE: yeah exactly D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i dizzay dis really stilted like mashup of what i assume mah "rizneal qizzle" was DIZZAY: like involv'n break'n a sword n UNbreakizzle a sizzy n a fuckin BIRD wizzy involved n T-H-to-tha-izzen tha B-to-tha-izzird unceremonizzle DY somewhizzle DAVE: it wizzy kizzy of a mizzess DAVE yeah yeah baby: like me i gizzuess so maybe thiznat made S-to-tha-izzense DIZZY: Bounce wit me. wizzy K-N-to-tha-izzows whizzle yours wizzy have 'n store fo` yizzle now DAVE: i mean DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. if you even wizzle ta botha

ROZE: I'm not sure if I have tha inclinatizzle, n realistizzle, thizzle isn't even much tizzy fo` thizzat, be there? ROZE: We're suppoze' ta be fight'n advizzles imminently. ROZE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. I can't squeeze it 'n before tha battle. ROZE: N pimp, we'll hizzay supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of do'n it then? Boo-Yaa!

DAVE: shrug

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m always rizzle me tha wrong wizzay 'bout "Mah Quest". ROZE: I don't even like tha phraze ya dig? It uncomfortably formizzle, n a shawty forebod'n cuz Im tha Double O G. ROZE: I think tha regimentation of it all always striznuck me as unpalizzle. ROZE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Like consign'n personal growth ta thizze completizzle of a glorify, myth-heavy rat maze.

DAVE: yizzeah i know why you fizzeel that way DAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. yizzy gizzle big problems wit authority DAVE: you alwizzles have n yizzle probably wouldnt even pizzy it that wiznay cauze it S-to-tha-izzounds reallizzle Tizzle of yiznou n gauche or bitch D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: but its true

ROXY: omg u guys n yo' shrink B-to-tha-izzabble like this and like that and like this and uh! ROXY: be so funny i swear 2 god

DAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yeah here we go again right? DAVE: except jizzust wanna be gangsta im a F-R-to-tha-izzaud at dis stuff DAVE: except 'n dis particular caze im totally right DAVE: she S-to-tha-izzees dis quest all neatlizzle lizzay out fo` ha wrapped 'n a bow DAVE doggystyle: fuck it even lizzy like its made fo` shawty kids wit lizzay pink turtlizzles n rainbows n shiznit DIZNAVE: lizzy here you go princess its biznabys fizzy quest DAVE: almost like it wizzay designed ta piss ha off DIZZAVE: sburb sez here, self imprizzle delineatizzle n miznade comprizzle enjoy yo' cizzle cutta odyssey DAVE: so coz shes roze she giznoes no fuck mah qizzle DAVE: literizzle starts wreck'n shizzle DIZNAVE: n mizzy thizzay itself was always ha qiznuest

VRIZZISKA: If I may interject...

DAVE: oh off tha hook vrizzle was eavesdropp'n

VRIZZLE: Not fo` very long mah nizzle! VRIZZLE: I just hizzay yiznou talk'n a8out Roze's qiznuest be all. VIZZY: I don't have anizzle opinion on whetha you do it or not, Roze. That yo' 8usiness. VRISKA: 8ut mah advizzle be, if yizzle see yo' denizen, jizzy make sizzy you kill ha fast.

DIZZLE in tha dogg pound: whizzay

VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cizzles be a HIZZAY 8itch. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. If yizzy gizzive wanna be gangsta an inch, shizze'll try ta sucka yizzy into a whole 8steppin' convizzle, mostly involv'n a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddlizzles. VRIZZLE: Dizzy give her tha chance! Jizzy go fo` tha jugular n end it as soon as you can, betta check yo self. VRISKA in tha mutha fuckin club: Gra8 ha L-to-tha-izzoot n call it a diznay and my money on my mind. That what I think, at L-to-tha-izzeast. VRISKA keep'n it real yo: Assum'n you 8pusha mobbin' to sizzay hustla at all. Boo-Yaa! C-to-tha-izzouldn't really 8lame you if you dizzidn't tizzy.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: I probably wizzon't. ROSESPRITE: Won't what?

VRISKA: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Oh now what tha FUCK be dis sho nuff????????

JASPERSPRIZZLE: M-to-tha-izzeow.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gulescamisade]

Minnesota:  Day 4

JAKE: -Another night is going by, he's pretty sure. And he's so sweaty, hungry, and thirsty. If their captors had left food or water for him, Jake promptly turned it down as he felt was the NATURAL THING TO DO. He heard what became of those mushroom tests from LOWAS. None of this was exactly ideal... He groans miserably, rubbing his tum of awful hunger pains. The headaches and dry throat.-

JAMES: -continuing his meditation and fasting. Energy continues to be conserved and though he is hungry, it's not the worst he's experienced. He only hopes the fact that it's gone quiet these past few hours can only be a good thing. No news is good news, James tells himself. It's the only thing he can do.-

ROXY: =Things seem quiet..... she leans against her wall and tap tap........ who's next to her. TAPS=

JAMES: -The only one who is paying attention is James. Leans back to the wall and taps in response.-

JAKE: -curled up in a ball, having cried himself into another headache nap.-

ROXY: =Baby no........ she taps out [HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTT] in morse code then POOFs over into the next cell.=

JAMES: -sitting crosslegged with his whole button up and slack combos. Professional even in these dire circumstances. James looking a little haggard what with his hair out of place, but still alert. Ready for action if need be.- ROXY.

JAMES: ....I AM RELIEVED TO SEE YOU.

JAMES: YOU ARE NOT HURT, ARE YOU?

ROXY: =She's definitely been sweating but she didn't wanna flaunt her powers too much since they expect shit of her but... she can't just. Let them go without. Whoever else is here. She rushes over to him too= glad 2 see u too im fine

ROXY: u gotta grocery list? im ur gal call me target cuz wal marts 2 trashy and im the height of supermarket class

ROXY: not whole foods class tho thats borderin in2 pretentious

JAMES: -knits his eyebrows.- ...ARE YOU OFFERING FOOD?

ROXY: anythin u need that u can hide and food definitely

JAMES: -nods promptly- WATER. DRIED FRUIT. CRACKERS. PROTEINS. ANYTHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.(edited)

ROXY: gotcha =she finger waggles up a storm dropping two sturdy sacks of water, dried fruits in thin bags along with crackers and little bite-sized pieces of protein bars=

JAMES: -seems to be wiggling something out of the sole of his shoe.-

JAMES: -as it turns out, it is a single playing card. Flips it over the supplies as kind of single-slot emergency sylladex and stores it away.-

JAMES: I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE. BUT QUICKLY.

JAMES: TEND TO THE OTHER PRISONERS. JAKE IS HERE.(edited)

ROXY: =That's so cool... and a good idea= hope u dont mind me stealin ur idea.....

ROXY: =gestures to the other wall= is he over here u think? =taps??? TAPS=

JAMES: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. -What with hearing him yowl up a storm before.-

JAMES: TREAD CAREFULLY.

ROXY: never but ill try =two finger salute and BLIPS into the cell next to James'=

JAKE: -lying huddled in his corner like a sad dog, his back turned towards the door. Something about the BLIP stirs him awake, however, and he begins to wake up. Squinting with a bleariness around.- ....Rock and rolloxy?

ROXY: .....baby...... :C

ROXY: i gotta make it quick but do u need a hug?

JAKE: -it even hurts to cry but he's doing it anyway, rolling up to sit.- Yes... 8'C

ROXY: awww cmere =quickly shuffles over to give him a big strong hug=

ROXY: tell me wut u need and we can work it out... idk where we are and idk how many of us are in here....

ROXY: idk where everyone else is

JAKE: -weeps into her shoulder. Two smelly baras hugging it out.- Ive no idea either. Its—

JAKE: Cant i know if my sons are alright?? Oh rox its so cruel.

ROXY: i... wish i knew jakey boy.... if i could id get us a thing to try n get in2 this system but... that needs time and theyd be onto me lol...... not lol

ROXY: but well get outta this mess

JAKE: -scrubs at his face, so blotched and red with tears.- Well... well bust out of here! I know we will!

JAKE: And when we do they wont even know what hit them!

JAKE: Id do so right now if you gave the word. -looks off.- Maybe...

JAKE: Someone can help us?

ROXY: maybe but right now we can help each other =cups his face and kisses his forehead= ROXY: ill go scopin later.... try 2 see whats up

ROXY: maybe i can find every1

ROXY: but rn tell me what u need

JAKE: -smiles for the first time in a few days, warmed by the gesture. But then remembers what he's doing.- Shit uhh—

JAKE: Water and substantial edibles i think is a good start. -rubs his sad empty tum.-

ROXY: its the best start =smiles back at him then gets to work just giving him the same supplies she gave James= just hide em when someone comes u kno

ROXY: prison smugglin drills

JAKE: !!!

JAKE: Cripes this is just like magic...

JAKE: ... -looks around his cell.-

JAKE: Where ought i hide it?

ROXY: mmm ..... i might hafta steal a idea i saw from james hes ur neighbor btw

ROXY: =focuses......... tries to make the one dump sylladex card= this might work i think slip it in ur mustache lol or just like somewhere discreet

JAKE: Holy moly! -accepts the 1 dump sylladex card if she manages it.- Is this what i think it is?

JAKE: -Automatically believing that it's a 1 dump sylladex card so whether she DOES manage it, the card is already what she intends it to be.-

JAKE: -giving it a look over- :D

JAKE: -tucks it into the safety of his back pocket. Sitting on it now.-

ROXY: =bless u jake= good beans bby

ROXY: ill be back sometime keep ur spirits up ok?

JAKE: Yes ma am o whamma! -salutes her swiftfly. His spirits are in much better places than they were before.-

ROXY: good! =poof, she's outta there=

JAKE: -brimming with hope now and makes swift work of these dried fruits. Chugs what he can of the water.-

JAKE: -wiping off his mustache, he feels his willpower RENEWED. Better than ever.-

JAKE: -And if Roxy can pull her magic off, why the blazes can't he??? Jake rolls to stand, channeling that spark of hope to manifestation.-

(DIRK): -he puts the MAN in MANIFEST. extends leg, here is brain ghost dirk.-

(DIRK): Hey, that's the first time you summoned me consciously and not as the result of a homoerotic fantasy. Good job.

JAKE: -jumps as his voice comes up but brightens his scruffy self up immediately.- Dirk!

JAKE: Brain ghost! Youre here!

(DIRK): Yeah.

(DIRK): What are you gonna do with me now that I'm here? -lol and then what-

JAKE: -swiftly whaps the ishades off his face.- Give me that!

(DIRK): What the fuck. -covers his face. DON'T LOOK AT ME. he's being ironic mostly-

JAKE: -thrusting them onto his own face. Instant computer.- Hoo. Alright now. I need to contact the crew.

JAKE: Mind if i hornswoggle you of your pester client? Of course you do! -logging into his account.-

(DIRK): My pester client is imaginary, but alright.

JAKE: Huh? No its not? -It's not, Dirk. Look at it working. How??? Magic is how.-

(DIRK): -fucking incredible-

(DIRK): -obnoxiously hovers behind him-

(DIRK): It's almost like you have the ability to make anything a reality.

JAKE: -typing frantically, heart hammering as it actually DOES seem to work.- Shut up will you???

(DIRK): A dude summons you into his realm of existance just to tell you to shut up. Nice one.

JAKE: -Seeing everyone online makes his insides lurch painfully so he's only half paying attention to BGD. His franticness making his eyes water again as in the middle of the message, the connection severs.- Its—

JAKE: Its breaking up! -says with his concentration fizzling.-

(DIRK): Well don't give up.

(DIRK): Do something about it.

JAKE: Im trying damn you! Cant you see?? -says, clutching at the shades.-

(DIRK): And I'm telling you to try harder.

(DIRK): You have it in you to do this.

JAKE: -practically choking with frustration and wills the last bit of connection out of sheer spite. The last message gets through before cutting off completely.-

(DIRK): ...

(DIRK): There you go.

JAKE: -He is just never going to stop being tearstruck at this point. Obligatorily hands BGD his shades.-

JAKE: -His vision is swimming as his hand drops, looking at brain ghost now. Dirk knows Jake loves him doesn't he? Of course he does, a voice tells Jake predictably. It's what he wants to hear, it's the truth that he knows deep down in his heart and it's what BGD was basically scripted to say.-

JAKE: -So why was he still so miserable? He's gotta ask anyway.-

JAKE: He knows i love him right? Id do anything for him?

(DIRK): ... Of course he knows that.

(DIRK): He's probably driving himself up a wall cuz he can't tell you the same thing.

JAKE: -wipes at his nose.- I miss him something tremendous.

JAKE: You would think dodging near death experiences on a regular basis would make this easier to bear. But it doesnt.

JAKE: It really doesnt.

(DIRK): They're coming for you, you know. -he knows this because jake has to know this.-

(DIRK): ... -offers jake his hand to hold-

JAKE: -takes the hand, too dried up to cry in earnest anymore. His shoulders only sag.- At least i have you.

(DIRK): You'll always have me.

JAKE: -keeps their fingers twined together but gives up once their shoulders brush. Just rests his head against BGD, tired all over again.- Jeez louise dirk....

JAKE: Youre always so.

JAKE: You.

(DIRK): It's no coincidence. -leans on him too-

(DIRK): That's the way you want me to be.

JAKE: Shucks. Then i must be stock full of good ideas. -lets his eyes start to drift closed...-

(DIRK): Must be. -yes shhh sleep. it'll get better soon. just believe in that, jake-

JAKE: -having close company to fall asleep with is infitintely better than sleeping alone. Jake has decided this here and now.-