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lunatic-fandom-space · 1 year

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Okay, I just finished the Shanghai special and Im suprised to say that while the first ten minutes or so are awful and genuinely upsetting and I hate hate hate that the only reason Marinette wanted to go to Shanghai was to be around Adrien when she has FAMILY there, I actually really enjoyed the rest of the special. Like, aside from that awful start I think this is probably my favorite thing to come out of mlb aside from the Origins episodes, which I also really enjoyed, theyre probably my favorite episodes in the entire show tbh. And do you wanna guess why? Because romance doesnt matter for most of it and the focus is on friendship. Like, im actually going to go insane how is a show whose core appeal is the romance between the two leads so bad at romance that its literally only good when thats not the focus

So yeah, I really liked Marinette and Fei's relationship and I really liked Fei, I thought she was pretty compelling. Her civilian design is fine, it matches her character well enough and I dont mind that its kinda generic because shes homeless, I dont think you have much of an opportunity to develop a personal style when youre in her situation. Im not a fan of her superhero outfit, I could really do without the red hair and I honestly find it kinda strange that they would not only have a third bright red superhero, but one thats also dragon themed. Like, I understand that the Prodiginous and the miraculous she apparently also has are different but like, why not make her a shade of cyan to match her kwami or just literally anything other than red cmon

Speaking of the kwami, I was going to praise this special for just inventing a different type of ancient magic instead of adding more onto the mess that is the Miravulous Lore but then they did it anyway. Like, Im not at all opposed to having a lot of superheroes that belong to the main cast and that arent in Paris and Im not even opposed to those superheroes getting their powers through magical means because I think they did a good job with the Prodiginous, but ouououghhhh pls just stop adding more Miraculous, theres enough of them out there

Thats already kindof all I have to say, its mostly enjoyable. If you havent watched this special because youve read about the awful inciting incident, I dont blame you at all but if youre interested now, I'd recommend you just skip from 2:13 to 7:02 and you're past the worst of it. The only thing you'll miss is that its summer break and Marinette is going to Shanghai to visit her uncle and Gabriel is also going to there, officially to open a store but inofficially to find some powerful magic so he can use it for evil and also hes bringing Adrien

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug crit

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ellerevelle · 5 years

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okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order:

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home.

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy.

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh.

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead.

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her.

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me.

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it.

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face.

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked!

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many,

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon.

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise.

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to.

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else.

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE!

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love.

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer.

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane.

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat.

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories.

I only like my own brand of cigarettes.

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid.

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc.

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam.

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post.

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something.

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy.

No, I have become recently lazy.

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

#depression!

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart.

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE.

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but.

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened.

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life.

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out.

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner.

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run.

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh.

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin.

I need a job.

#fml

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i-am-very-very-tired · 7 years

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NICOLE July 5, 2017 at 7:22 am Please stop using mental illness as an excuse to be an asshole. Mental illness does not force you to be horrible to people. Also remember Kanye was doing this long before his breakdown. Rap is built on beef so frankly I’m not surprised he came for Kanye. He came for his wife and by all gossip accounts Kimye are obsessed with Bey and Jay. 4:44 is pretty great and some of Jay’s best. It’s also more than this stupid beef MARIA F. July 5, 2017 at 7:31 am I totally agree. Maybe Kanye’s environment should have prevented him from performing in such a state, but of course, he is their cash cow. But even if he was not feeling well, Jay Z has the right to be offended by what was said. At the end of the day, i believe this is all about controversy and selling records. Everybody has been focused on that line since the album dropped. RENEE2 July 5, 2017 at 7:39 am Okay, Deriding people’s mental health issues is sh*tty and I don’t condone it. But I don’t understand why people are acting shocked at Jay-Z, as though he were of such staunch moral fiber before. The guy is smart, successful, and can be funny but he is also a mercenary, deeply misogynist, and frankly, more than a bit sleazy. I mean, people have heard his rhymes about women, right? Not to mention his profligate use of the nword. Dude is hardly PC. Kanye is also a douche. Again, how many times has he been offensive. This is another misogynist, and one who has used homophobic slurs in his rhymes although he professes to be queer positive. We’re supposed to forget all that because we now deem him to have mental health issues??? As Nicole stated, we should not give him a pass just because he is not well, dude is an *sshole, plain and simple. NICOLE July 5, 2017 at 7:49 am Exactly. People act like having a mental illness is a magic wand that makes people forgive and forget what you did easily. That’s not how that works. It doesn’t erase why you did or how people felt because of your actions. I tell clients this all the time. You cannot control how people react to you. Being mentally ill may give them a framework for more understanding but again it does not erase the action. And Kanye was an ass before this. So yep. DEM July 5, 2017 at 8:13 am “he is also a mercenary, deeply misogynist, and frankly, more than a bit sleazy. I mean, people have heard his rhymes about women, right?” Jay Zs lyrics on women are actually among the least misogynist of the genre. Two weeks ago we had an Eminem post and not only was there no mention of his violent lyrics against women, it was filled with “he is so cute” comments. And my post on his lyrics some of which threaten a specific woman by name were moderated out. But here we are, the instant the subject is a black dude…. Its “dude is hardly PC”. “Not to mention his profligate use of the nword”…..lmao As if the N-er word was not already on the tips of white tongues. Yes’ its the song about black people in Paris and not white peoples unadulterated hate thats the problem. Those black people who dont wish to reclaim ithe word are entitled to that opinion and should just not use it. I stand firmly and proudly in the reclaim camp. This site reclaims “bitchy”, gay people reclaim the F word and Its not your business that black men and women have reclaimed the N word. RENEE2 July 5, 2017 at 8:32 am @DEM, I can’t tell if you are trolling (I think you probably are) or not but here goes: 1) The point that I was making was that BOTH Jay-Z and Kanye have used problematic language so we shouldn’t be shocked if that Jay is being insensitive in this instance, nor should we necessarily be sympathetic to Ye in this instance because he has a history or being an insensitive clod too. 2) I can’t comment on the Eminem thread as I am also not here for that trick for numerous reasons, including his misogyny, so uh, nice try 3) Though I wasn’t critiquing Jay’s use of the nword, but rather was saying that his use of it demonstrates that he does not subscribe to notions of what is considered to be acceptable, I am also not here for that term. It is ugly, it is violent, and I don’t think that it’s something that Black people need to reclaim. I don’t know how you got that I was not Black from my comments but I am so you can step off with telling how I should feel about. ERINN July 5, 2017 at 8:47 am Dem - I know Em has been called out plenty on this site. He hasn’t gotten a big magical pass by any means. I don’t actually think I saw the recent Em post – and I’ve been on this site for like 5 years or more. Some posts slip through the cracks, or people are busy, or whatever. Personally I think Em is incredibly talented – but also someone who grew up with a really f—ed up life. It doesn’t excuse his behavior as an adult, but I also don’t look at him and think “he had every chance, and a healthy relationship with women, why is he talking this shit”. He was a mess, he’s gotten a lot better about certain things, but the Slim persona is played up so much, and a lot of awful things are said across so many categories. I tend to think of Jay similarly. He got dealt a sh-t hand growing up – he pulled himself up, but unfortunately his lyrics still are incredibly problematic at times. He’s still incredibly talented, and I don’t think his lyrics are an exact display of who he is as a person. I think most artists exaggerate like crazy and try to keep a persona kind of separate from their real life, but it doesn’t mean that it’s ‘okay’ that they say the things they do. I’m not writing him off as a person because of it though. As long as there is growth happening – that’s great. But if they suddenly devolve into a much worse place, then I’m going to have to stop supporting them as artists. KONFUSED July 5, 2017 at 9:28 am @Renee2 whether you are black or not is irrelevant when you say “I don’t think that it’s something that Black people need to reclaim”..you should step off on telling other people how you feel about their use of the N-word it really doesn’t matter if you approve of it or not SANDERS July 5, 2017 at 9:58 am Nicole, from previous posts including this one, it sounds like you are a therapist. I’m surprised you are minimizing JayZ use of words crazy and insane to describe someone with a mental illness. Of course people with a mental illness have to examine their behaviours and coping strategies etc, though in the midst of a breakdown, self awareness takes a back seat. Lets also hold JayZ responsible for his mocking of people with mental health issues and I encourage you to check out the excellent comments from Claire down below. Me= If she's a therapist, I don't want her as mine. She probably works for talkspace? RENEE2 July 5, 2017 at 10:56 am @ KONFUSED Why should I step off telling a poster how I feel about the word when said poster is putting words in my mouth and twisting what I wrote? And again, the reason that I mentioned my racial identity was because the poster stated that I wasn’t in a position to comment on Jay Z’s use of the nword because they assumed I was not Black. Everyone comes here to offer an opinion and get on our respective soapboxes so GTFO with telling me not to share my thoughts on a topic. BRIDGET July 5, 2017 at 11:20 am @Konfused – you’re coming off like you don’t actually have something to say and just want to be mean to someone to make yourself feel better. RENEE2 July 5, 2017 at 11:53 am @KONFUSED Yep, that’s me, the proverbial angry Black woman, lol. Hope it’s not too damp where you’re stationed under the bridge. @ Bridget, Thank you!! IDONTKNOWYOUYOUDONTKNOWME July 5, 2017 at 2:05 pm Well, for example borderline disorder and what is perceived as “a-holeish behavior” kindof come hand in hand RONALDINHIO July 5, 2017 at 5:03 pm Whilst you are all saying mental ill health doesn’t give you a pass I’m gonna have to stop ya Many of the behaviours that West exhibited could be signs of a growing mania and paranoia that could present or exist co morbidly with and anxiety disorder or depressive illness. As reported he may have bi polar disorder which might not have been accurately medicated. All or none of these things may have been his actual disorder and all may have been exacerbated by lack of sleep and over work. His grandiosity, rambling, hyper activity, sensitivity moving into paranoia psychosis or mania all sounds like it could be easily described by a mental health disorder. Ignoring the lack of control someone has during an episode of mental ill health or trying to blame them when they often have little control is poor form. LLAMAS July 5, 2017 at 10:51 pm Sick. I have BPD and have never been described as an a**hole. People with BOD treat themselves the worst. FLORC July 5, 2017 at 7:04 pm And being a jerk can be a sign of mental illness. You cannot know either way unless you are much much closer than a commenter here. Im reserving judgement. Kanye is outrageous a lot of the time and shows erratic behavior, but also has appeared to have experienced some incredibly traumatic events. That doesn’t get healed easily if ever.

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