#herxes

[herxsforselfhealing]

So little life left yet so much pain still to endure.

[moddytheblog]

out of the headaches, body pain, fever, nausea, etc., I think my LEAST favorite symptom of herxing I've experienced so far is the sheer volume of acne on my body rn

[readbetweenthelyme]

My Bed is my Bestie

Here’s a post from January, 2016. I’m glad that I’ve made some progress since with my health. But when I have severe fatigue that comes on, my bed is still my bestie. Happy Sunday. Peace, friends! https://wp.me/p4KFGK-aH

[femmeboyhooters]

Moving day today and i fractured part of one of my fingers

[herveiwfromthefloor]

I've experienced every single thing on this list and many more.

Today really the only thing I have been able to do is lay in the dark with ice packs on my head sipping electrolytes. This disease has stolen my life, my energy, my ability to function as a human.

It sucks, it really does. Every flare, every herx reaction leaves me bedbound and exhausted. I don't say this so people will feel bad for me but to tell other people the reality of life with a chronic illness.

Today I don't have deep words of wisdom and encouragement, I have pain and depression. But I still have hope that one day this prison of disease that I can't seem to escape will fall away and that I will live a life worth living again. Someday. One day.

Lyme disease culture is...

Lyme disease culture is:

- being in pain 24/7.

- having your joints pop every time you move.

- losing your friends and family because they think you’re crazy.

- being dismissed and/or gaslighted by doctors and other healthcare professionals.

- developing fun new co-morbid disorders like POTS and MCAD.

- developing new symptoms seemingly on a daily basis.

- not being able to remember anything, even your own symptoms.

- breaking down crying because you are in too much physical and emotional pain to cope.

- not being able to sleep even though you are exhausted.

- having multiple co-infections, each with its own set of symptoms.

- feeling like you are dying.

- actually dying.

- being at home 99% of the time and going mad from loneliness.

- having super freaky neurological and psychological symptoms.

- having seizures.

- herxing.

- detoxing, and researching new methods of detoxification constantly.

- having multiple misdiagnoses.

- being terrified of the ER.

- having PTSD from horrific healthcare experiences.

- practically having a degree in Lyme-ology.

- knowing more about medicine than your doctor.

- “28 days of antibiotics.”

- everytime you hear someone mention “post-treatment Lyme syndrome” you want to scream.

- holding a personal grudge against the CDC and IDSA.

(Feel free to add your own.)

[im-s0rry]

Pocket Sand - Pilot Episode: Inkwel and Shikari

Inkwel: Hehehe! W ll hiya the e, Mi s Shikari!

Shikari: Oh, it's yXu. Get Xut of hXre, I DXN'T want tX talk.

Inkwel: I don't me n to be rud b t I don't re lly... want t ...

Funny Stor , most of th peopl here ar n't the fr endliest... and if they ar , they pr bably want to k ll you... Hehehe....

Shikari: YeXh, and I WXll, tXo. Keep mX out of thXs you SXft littlX freak.

How'd yXu even gXt herX? You get thrXwn in here Xs a thrXwaway ItXm or sXmething?

Inkwel: Hehehe... No, I'm just l ke you. A Shadow Crystal h lder...

Shikari: ThXt's hard to belXeve.

Inkwel: It s but it's true. I als had on of those Crystals.

Shikari: Yeah but thXse don't savX you frXm lXXking likX you'd be beXten to a pXlp in less than a sXcond.

Inkwel: Hehehe, y u don't think 'm tough, don't you m ss? I'm plenty t ugh!

Shikari: I wasn't talkXng abXut that, you're a FXXKING plXshie.

Inkwel: Hey! Th t wasn't n ce...

Hmmmm... h s anyone h re told yo abo t my EYES?

Shikari: NXpe.

Inkwel: Hehehe! W ll in th t case!

*Inkwel puts his puppet in one of the holes where his eye should have been. Shikari looks on in mild amusement.*

Shikari: So? YXu don't hXve eyXs? I knXw likX five Xther DarknXrs thXt havX the same thXng-

Inkwel: Oh I wasn't b rn lik this! Mr Ro k stole them!

Shikari: . . .WhXt?

Inkwel: Ye h! He r pped them all o t and left me to d e in m set! Hehehe!

Shikari: . . .

Inkwel: And if y u don't mind m add ng to that, but wh n I did g t them b ck, I turn d int a fre ky monst r!

Shikari: . . .Huh. . .ThXt's . . .MetXl as fXXk.

Inkwel: Th t's not h w I would w rd it, b t sure!

Shikari: So lXke, are yXu tryXng to gXt rXvenge on thXt Rook GXy?

Inkwel: Oh no n no! I w uld never! R venge is wr ng and it'd be cru l of me t do that!

Shikari: . . .He lXft you to dXe. . .

Inkwel: Ye h. . .But p ople can ch nge and ma be he'll r alize that he mad a mist ke some t me in the fut ure! Hehehe!

Shikari: . . .MXn. And I thXught yXu were kind Xf cXXl for a sXcond. You'rX just anXther WXMP likX the rXst of thXm.

Inkwel: I g t that a lot. . .hehehe. . .I he rd that fr m my wife n our f rst date. . .

Shikari: Hm?

Inkwel: Oh yeah! My w fe! Sh 's the best. . .b t I can't t lk to her when I'm h re...

Shikari: WhXt? Did shX dXe or somethXng?

Inkwel: h HEAVENS no! She's j st kind f. . .liv ng in a re lm betwe n realit is all!

W it. . .maybe I c n talk to her h re! Th s ain't a qu ote- n-q ote can n story s I think she c n come ov r!

Shikari: FXXking go for it.

Inkwel: Alr ghty!

*A few minutes pass*

Inkwel: h Shikari!

Shikari: WhXt do yXu want- HXLY SHXT.

Nora: You must be that Shikari girl he was talking about. I'm Nora.

Inkwel: I pulled some strings nd w s able to g t h r here!

Shikari: BRX.

YXU DIDN'T TXLL ME SHX WXS A BXDDIE.

Inkwel: what the fuck did you just call my wife?

- End of Pilot -

Bonus Fanart for making it to the end!

Shikari by: @mercair

Inkwel, Nora, and Rustflare by: Me!

[losergendered]

ID: a set of 10 images in 5 pairs. each has one image of the listed homestuck character with a white outline in front of their corresponding flags, and a second image which is a blank flag splice. END ID

Mituna/Mittens Captor from Homestuck is a transfem, demiboy, gaysbian, demisexual, uses she/her/may/mays and is moirails with Meulin!

Caliborn is transfemmasc, lesbian, and cutegender, and uses cutie/pies/pie/her/sheys/she/herx!

Jake/Jules/Lyra/Jeni English is a demigirl, pan gay, aroace, and uses she/hers/they/gems!

Dirk/Dyna Strider is a gaygirl, and gendermeh and uses any pronouns!

Davepetasprite is genderqueer, polysexual, clawgender, and pawgender and uses they/zers/xems!

For anon!

[chronicas]

Actually can someone hold me at gunpoint until I finish THIS one?????

Oh I see. I can draw a billion sillay doodles but the second I open the Lazarus drawing to start lineart THEN my tiredness overweights the pain? I see how it is. Fine I guess we just hate huge buff women but Sonic and Vash are fine?? Sexism.

[six-teenblue]

Realizing that I’ve maybe been dealing with herxing okay bc I did so many drugs in my early 20s. Like I’m pretty used to feeling insane out of it nauseous body pain about to pass out at work in public wherever so that’s why I’m still able to like. Hold two very physical jobs thru this lol

[linuxgamenews]

Barony Update: Keep Your Secrets Expansion Now Available

Barony update Keep Your Secrets releases for the first-person co-op roguelike game for Linux, Steam Deck, Mac, and Windows PC. Thanks to the creative team at Turning Wheel for making this happen. Available now for all players on Steam and Humble Store. Turning Wheel just released a fantastic free expansion update for Barony, and it's live right now. The Keep Your Secrets update brings a whole new level of fun to the game on Linux and Steam Deck. While offering new features, more enemies, and a bunch of great surprises to make dungeon crawling even better. Plus, it's another one of their promised Kickstarter goals.

So, what’s new?

The Compendium

Let’s start with the big one — the Compendium. This is basically a magical encyclopedia filled with all the juicy secrets of Baron Herx's dungeon. It tracks everything, from items and enemies to game lore about different realms. And get this — it also keeps a record of your Barony in-game deeds, thanks to this update. Every time you encounter something new, more pages unlock in the Compendium. While giving you all the info you need to take down enemies, uncover traps, and master all those hidden treasures. To dive deeper into the dungeon’s secrets, you'll need Lore Points. These are earned by completing Achievements, which you can then use to research different entries in the Compendium. Already unlocked a bunch of Achievements? No worries—you’ll get credit for them too. Pretty slick, right? If you’re tired of getting wrecked by the same monsters over and over, this new feature is your best friend. Learn their weaknesses and how to counter them!

Keep Your Secrets Update for Barony

New Breakables and Enemies

Who doesn’t love smashing things? With this new content, you’ll find new breakable objects scattered throughout the dungeon. Break them open for items, gold, or—surprise! — even enemies. You never know what you’ll get, so smash away on Steam Deck and Linux. On the enemy front, the Barony dungeon just got even more intense in this update. Slimes are now more dangerous, with elemental types and spray attacks. Plus, you’ll also have to deal with Bats, Bugbears, and Gnomish Thieves lurking in the shadows. Each ready to make your life harder.

The Ruins Overhaul

Baron Herx’s Ruins have gotten a major makeover too. Around 170 new rooms have been added to this realm, with everything from ancient statues to arcane traps waiting for brave adventurers. You’ll need to tread carefully, as some rooms are downright deadly. Keep your eyes peeled for new Mechanist security systems and other surprises.

Gnomish Thieves

Speaking of enemies, let’s talk about the Gnome Thieves. These guys have abandoned their mining days and now roam the Ruins looking to rob anyone who crosses their path. They attack in groups, using both ranged and melee weapons, and they’ll even drop traps when they die in Barony in the update. Oh, and don’t get too bold — these gnomes are smarter than your average goblin. Watch out for their leader, too; take him down, and the rest will lose their nerve.

Bugbears

Last but definitely not least, meet the Bugbears. These bruisers are tough and carry serious weapons like battle axes and crossbows. They like to get up close and personal, using shields to bash you if you’re not careful. If you try to snipe them from a distance, they’ll just raise their shields to block your shots. They’re not just muscleheads, though—they’ll strafe around you and divide your attention, so you’ve got to stay on your toes.

Ready to jump in?

All this goodness is available now on Linux, Steam Deck (verified), Mac, and Windows PC. Whether you’re a veteran or just diving into Barony for the first time, the Keep Your Secrets expansion update adds tons of new challenges and content to keep things fresh. Available now for all players on Steam and Humble Store. Priced at $19.99 USD / £16.75 / 19,50€.

[herxsforselfhealing]

The more I thought about it. The more I suffered.

[bacteriaeatingmybrain]

The urge to buy more calico critters to make the pain flair/herx better even though it won’t fix much

[horsesarecreatures]

Amba's fleabites were very visible today. She seemed to be doing slightly better today and yesterday. For one thing, she's no longer trying to kill Patsy and Alpine, so that's good. And while she's looking at things more than usual still, she didn't get as wound up about them. The sensitivity to touch was still there, so it will be interesting to see how she tolerates the acupuncture on Monday. I have a feeling that she won't like it but will feel better after. But I will say that while she fidgeted and made mean faces as I brushed her, at least she didn't turn her little butt towards me again or start nipping.

She did have diahhrea today and yesterday and was going a lot. Which makes me think that perhaps she was acting wild last week not because the antibiotics didn't work, but because she was having a herxheimer reaction. Herxheimer reactions occur in Lyme patients when there is a mass die off of the bacteria, and it can happen during treatment or a couple weeks after. During the herx reaction the symptoms of Lyme often heighten as the body struggles to detox fast enough.

[yaminahsaini]

Jeudi 6 juin 2024: Toujours autant de fatigue ces temps-ci.. Ça s’était calmé durant un moment mais ça fini toujours par revenir.. Peut-être que c’est sûrement le jetlag combiné avec l’anesthésie et les réactions herx.. j’espère en tout cas que ça finira par passer… j’ai d’ailleurs rdv demain avec le docteur du sommeil. Je vous tiens informé.

[xxmolls]

This is probably one of my favorite songs, out of all the songs I have written. (Putting this behind a read more because it's kinda dark, y'all. Don't read if you're not doing well mental health wise. TW: self-harm, depression, chronic illness)

I had just turned 24 when I wrote it (in 2014). I had been sick with a mysterious illness since I was 19, and when I was 21 I had finally gotten a partial answer to my ongoing medical mystery when I was diagnosed with late stage Neurological Lyme disease.

Growing up, I had always been a happy kid. I was always super bubbly and goofy. I tried my best to exude joy and kindness, despite whatever dark shit-storm was going on in my head.

That all changed when I got sick.

Lyme disease has the distinction of being a spirochete bacteria. That means that it can cross the blood-brain barrier, and that it can mimic mental illness.

My whole personality seemed to change along with the appearance of bizarre neurological symptoms. I was apathetic, I was hypomanic. I was incredibly depressed and suicidal, and on top of all that I was angry.

My early years of being sick have a red tint to them in my mind. I was so incredibly angry.

First, I was angry that no one would believe me that I was sick; that there was something seriously wrong with me and that I could feel myself rotting away on the inside.

Then, I was angry that I was sick. I was angry that I felt so isolated and alone, and that I didn’t feel like I could relate to the people I love anymore.

I was angry that I had had so many plans for my future. I was angry that I had been so hopeful, and so excited for my future. I was angry that I didn’t feel like I had a future anymore; that it had all been taken away from me.

I was angry that my friends’ lives moved on without me even though mine had completely stopped.

But underneath all of that prickly anger, I was unbearably sad.

When friends would come to visit me, I would notice that they would get upset. They always tried to hide it from me, but I could see it in their tense faces and in the shine of their eyes.

I was a mess. I was seizing uncontrollably. My tics were making me contort my body into weird, painful positions. If I started to feel pain from a tic, my asshole brain would make me move my body to feel even more pain until the tic felt satisfied – like pressing hard on a bruise.

I had vocal tics, which for most of my life had been controlled by meds. I was shouting and grunting. I was clearing my throat violently until I could taste blood.

I was always sweating profusely from moving around so much. My once vibrant curly hair was tangled into a nest of knots. It was frequently falling out in clumps.

Through it all, I tried to act cheery. I told my friends that I was okay, that I was happy.

I know it is incredibly disturbing to see someone you love so debilitated. And in my twisted, spirochete filled brain, I convinced myself that it hurt people to be around me. That I was hurting the ones I love by craving their company. That it was better for everyone if I was alone. That I was meant to be alone.

I started using my anger to push people away because I told myself I was protecting them.

I told myself I was a terrible person.

I got to the point where I was most angry at myself.

My Lyme treatment consisted of rounds of oral antibiotics. My doctor explained to me before I started treatment that with antibiotics, my symptoms were going to get worse before they got better. It’s something called “herx reactions.” From what I could understand (though honestly my brain was so scrambled at the time, nothing really made sense to me), as the Lyme bacteria die from the antibiotics, they release toxins that worsen your symptoms. However, my doctor assured me that it was a good sign if my symptoms worsened. That the worse a herx reaction, the more bacteria was being killed.

There were some antibiotics in my treatment that caused such severe herx reactions, I had to cut the dose into a literal crumb of a pill to start with because that was all my body could handle.

Usually, I was pretty good about increasing the dosage gradually.

However, when I was angry at myself, and in a depressive state, I often wanted to punish myself. I though I deserved to suffer because I was such a bad person.

I would often punish myself by secretly taking extra antibiotics, causing incredibly severe and painful herx reactions.

This song, “You Picked Me,” was written during that time.

I thought so poorly of myself, and that I had to protect the ones I love by distancing myself from them. I was afraid that sharing all of my dark feelings about myself would bring them down with me.

Thankfully, I was (and am) so fortunate to have people in my life who truly do love me. Who wanted me to open up to them, and share my burdens.

I used these twisted feelings of mine and my loved one’s unwillingness to let me keep myself isolated from them to inspire this song.

I used a lot of biblical imagery for some reason. I think that’s because I usually write my choruses first. In particular, I usually write the hook of the song first, which is often in the chorus. The lines

You want me to confess

Whisper my sins and decompress

But all these crosses that I bear

Should only show you that I care

came to me very early on in the songwriting. From there, I continued the biblical imagery as I was writing the verses.

When I figured out the whole Adam and Eve angle, the whole song finally came together.

The end of the song is pretty hopeful, and kind of portrays this acceptance that “you picked me.” My friends and family love me, no matter how poorly I think of myself or how much I try to push them away. They are not scared of my “darkness.” I shouldn’t be either.

I am doing much better now. I owe a huge part of that to my support system: the people in my life whom I love and who love me.

Another way I got my anger to fade was acceptance. I finally accepted that I was sick, and that I had a new normal. I accepted how my life did not turn out the way I had planned. I also accepted help, and was more willing to open up to people instead of hiding myself away. I’d like to think writing this song played a role in that process.

Overall, a big part of my healing was learning to be kinder to myself. I don’t think of myself as a “snake in a tree” anymore. I am not an angel either: I am human. I make mistakes. I am flawed. I do not always do the right thing.

I should not do everything on my own; I cannot do everything on my own.  And that’s okay.

Lyrics:

You Picked Me

Oh I'm hiding in a fire

We're both aware but our words make us both liars But oh my walls begin to melt

I take one last breath before the blood is spilt You want me to confess

Whisper my sins and decompress But all these crosses that I bear

Should only show you that I care

You're an angel...

Oh I think it's carved upon a stone

I love you but I'm meant to be alone

But oh the gates begin to fall

My secrets storm your kingdom after all

You want me to confess

Whisper my sins and decompress But all these crosses that I bear

Should only show you that I care

You're an angel... You say it's give and take

And all this dark in me I make

You want to share my sorrows

Take my pain, fill up my hollows

But what do you see in me?

You want me to confess

Whisper my sins and decompress

But all these crosses that I bear

Should only show you that I care You're an angel

I'm a snake in a tree

You're an angel

I'm a snake in a tree

You're an angel

Yet you decided to pick me

[frasier-crane-style]

I think instead of any neopronouns or they/them shit, I’m just going to call transgender people “himx” and “herx.” Since, as we’ve all agreed, doing that to latinx and filipinx people isn’t disrespectful at all.