#hermione gets her comeuppance

[schmem14]

My RonDracoFest fic was revealed today! Read it HERE on AO3 

Ron and Draco Go on an Island Adventure [Gee Thanks, Hermione]

Summary: 

Draco loves Ron. Ron loves Harry. And Harry's getting married to Theo, which leaves Ron on the verge of a full-on mental breakdown. It's up to Draco to keep Ron company during these trying times.

[Oh, and did I mention, Hermione sneakily banishes the two of them to a tropical island for a month?]

Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Ron Weasley, Background NottPott and Pansmione

Tags: Unrequited love, Pining, Explicit Sexual Content, Forced Proximity, One Tent, Accidental Voyeurism

Rating: E

Word Count: 15,208

[greenerteacups]

five scenes from the harry potter books that altered my brain chemistry (re this ask)

SCREAM.... HERMIONE GRANGER YOU WILL LITERALLY ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!!

[power gap] [power gap] [power gap]

Hermione punching Draco in Book 3. Not the moment in particular, which is beautiful and well-earned, but specifically the fact that he doesn't say shit to her for the rest of the series. Hilarious. Incredible. He goes from mocking her every chance he gets to just like, occasionally snickering when something happens to her, or going after Harry or Ron (while ignoring Hermione altogether). And what's more, he doesn't retaliate. Draco "my father will hear about this" Malfoy doesn't tell anyone that he got smacked (and we know he's not too proud for it; he whines forever about Buckbeak). But nope, not Hermione. He's literally just like "holy fuck, never mind, point taken." You ever punch someone so hard they spontaneously manifest the ability to mind their own goddamn business?

Draco's bathroom scene in Book 6 — it's a humanizing moment for someone on the other side of the conflict, and it hammers home how young he is, how young they both are, despite the fact that they're becoming principal players in the war. It also shows how he's trapped by his family, which is a choice that he's made, but also something that he can't easily throw off —this is the scene that spawned a million "the boy who had no choice" edits, which I disagree with from a factual point of view, but I appreciate the elegance of it as a thematic counterpoint to Harry (who is, you know, if anybody, actually the boy who had no choice).

Hermione's Yule Ball Cinderella moment, which is so beautifully done and treats my girl so well, but also specifically the fact that Draco Malfoy canonically thinks she's beautiful. It's a great moment for the whole fandom, really, because if you like Draco then it's cute, and if you hate him then it's funny/ironic/well-deserved bit of comeuppance. Everybody wins!

When Sirius is talking to Harry in Book 5, and he's disappointed that Harry won't let him sneak out to Hogsmeade, he gets really catty and cruel: "You're less like your father than I thought. The risk's what would have made it fun, for James." Like, wow! What a fucking horrible thing to say to an orphan who's trying to save your life, jackass! But also: how fascinating, and what a great insight into Sirius's character, and also what a great read on how Harry and James are different people — added to the layer of complexity that we don't know if that's even true, because Sirius is in a snit right now, and lashing out, so we don't actually know if James would endorse this — if it risked his best friend's life, or his son's, he probably wouldn't! Or — or or or — the more likely possibility that fifteen year-old James would've jumped for this, but twenty-year-old James wouldn't have, suggesting that Sirius is conflating Harry with the younger James in order to try to relive his glory days as a Marauder, likely as a trauma response — I could talk about that moment forever, but TLDR, it's the key to Sirius's whole character, in my opinion.

bonus: "there is no need to call me sir, professor" (certified classic, a legend for a reason, no notes).

five scenes from the movies that altered your brain chemistry:

"She only likes you because you're the chosen one!" "I am the chosen one 😏" [WHACK]. they're siblings your honor

The moment they're all gathered to console Ron after he asks out Fleur to the Yule Ball, and Hermione's like oh she said no, and Ron shakes his head, and she goes: "...She said YES???" 🤭 and it's just such a babygirl moment. Emma Watson gives Hermione a very expressive face — it is, admittedly, what Jenny Nicholson might call an "eyebrow heavy" performance — but it's just delightful in scenes like this, where it's clear she absolutely cannot hide her feelings to save her life.

Not really a scene, but all of Draco's fun little outfits. Motherfucker will NOT wear his school uniform and I love it. We have the Iconique black suit from book 6, the turtlenecks, the cable jumpers, the disheveled-shirtsleeves look from the bathroom scene (whore), and especially the big dumb fur hat he wears outside (hideous. fashion icon).

McGonagall telling Neville to get Seamus to blow up the bridge to Hogwarts ("boom?" "boom!" what the fuck. she's so cute); followed by Seamus's immediate, absolutely doubtless "I can bring it down!!" like the total confidence he has... it's just a really adorable moment between a teacher and her students who clearly all love each other a lot. it's about community! they're books about community I could go on for HOURS—

Much darker moment, but Amos Diggory's reaction to Cedric's death. The actor sells that shit so well it scarred me as a kid— that ragged, unhinged, scream of grief he does when he sees Cedric's body, the way he cradles it to his chest, those heartbreaking two little words: "My boy..." Oh, my God. It goes so far beyond the emotional level that the books operate on, because it's live action, and the actor understands that this realism is crucial to you believing what's about to happen. You are watching a parent mourn the death of his only child, and it's CRUCIAL, because it's the turning point of the whole series. The death of an innocent child is the point at which Harry Potter becomes a series about war, and Amos Diggory is the first one to know it.

[saintsenara]

Thoughts on Hermione and Krum?

thanks for the ask, pal.

hermione managing to pull an international quidditch star at the age of fifteen is based.

[i should also state clearly here that i literally don’t give a shit about the age gap. these aren’t real people - and, even if they were, they would not have been doing anything illegal in the muggle britain of the 1990s; it’s clearly not a relationship which has an unequal power dynamic; there’s no suggestion in canon - obviously, since this is a children’s series - that krum and hermione did anything other than kiss; and she seems to feel that the whole thing was a pleasant bit of fun, which means that she hardly needs pearl-clutching from fans.]

but it’s also clear that - despite the letters [which seem to be quite one-sided, if krum was sending huge rolls of parchment back ron would definitely notice] - hermione and krum aren’t going the distance. he’s dull! sorry about it! and if hermione annoys ron and harry by not caring about the epic highs and lows of high-school quidditch, she’s going to infuriate somebody whose actual job is to fly week in and week out.

[just imagine her saying "wonky faint" to krum. he’d fall down dead.]

i think it’s also worth addressing that - since people want to act up so much about ron being jealous of krum - that krum also has a jealous streak which i can't imagine would endear him to hermione in the long term. in goblet of fire hermione can be presumed to tell krum that the gossip in the press about her relationship with harry is rubbish - since she rants about it quite freely to other characters she’s close to - and yet krum still goes out of his way to interrogate harry about whether they’ve ever been together romantically. [that harry fucking loves that he does this is by-the-by - he gets his comeuppance when krum tries to hit on ginny at bill and fleur’s wedding.]

so who should krum end up with? well, let me make an extremely bold play… for lord voldemort, as per eldritcher’s wonderful epic of the forgotten. i know it sounds nuts, but try it.

[judvs]

𝚁𝙴𝙱𝚄𝙸𝙻𝙳𝙴𝙳𝚂  𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙴𝙳  :   02. the high priestess / 07. the chariot / 18. the moon !!

02. HOW DOES YOUR MUSE MAKE DECISIONS? DO THEY TRUST THEIR INSTINCT OR WOULD THEY RATHER TRUST THEIR HEART / THEIR LOGIC?  :  hmm ... torn. i consider marietta a super logical person, but i do think that when it comes down to the wire, she is almost entirely driven by her instincts / emotions. i think logic is something she applies to everything else, but those split second decisions are always made in the heat of whatever moment it is, for her, and usually influenced heavily by however it is that she's feeling in them. it is no wonder she usually makes such a balls of it !

07. HOW MUCH DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT WINNING? ARE THEY A SORE LOSER?  :  this gains many funny levels now, but ... marietta cares about winning so much. winning is also just being right, sometimes, and as one of THE most argumentative people that most wix know, winning an argument is like crack to her. but just in general, like... at her core ( and despite the fact that she eventually wanted to quit, and did ), she is like. always gonna be that deeply competitive little ballet dancer who was always striving for the spotlight. i imagine her experience with ballet to be a very similar vibe to the competitive dancing that i experienced when i was a kid, and i could be wrong ! it could be diff ! but if it's in any way similar, it was a super isolating sort of sport slash hobby that would have fostered a lot of resentment of other people within her group, and that thought informs a lot of how i characterised marietta, when i first started building her. she absolutely IS a sore loser, because losing in anything is a failure to what she's been working up to her whole life, even when she is not entirely sure what she is working towards anymore. though to be clear : she'd have been fine losing burning witch. she despises that she won. this is like. the ONE thing that she never would've wanted to succeed in and it feels like a cosmic level joke that she is being put on show, now.

18. WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE LONG FOR? IS IT A REALISTIC DESIRE?  :  there are several answers to this. one of them is, of course, the one i've given to a similar question before - she wants to be rid of the sneak scar, she'll never be rid of the sneak scar, it eats her up that a choice she made ( and would make again ) as a child defines her, so, now. i fear she'll be sixty years old and still longing for the reflection she hasn't seen for decades, in the mirror. she longs for old school justice, in the sense that she really feels hermione is owed a comeuppance that she'll never get. she longs for happiness ! career contentment ! the pride of isolde, though she's long since given up even trying to get it ! so many things, all of the time, always. most are realistic, and she just needs to get out of her own way to accomplish them. some are not, or should not be !

𝙼𝙰𝙹𝙾𝚁 𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙰𝚂𝙺 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴  »  currently not  accepting  !

[80-ursa-major]

i was going through blogs and saw an old hp meta and i mostly respect that person's opinion so i went back and reread the last 2 books and that was fun and now i have so many feeling i need to let them out

-the main one is that i don't hate snape? like he's an asshole for bullying kids but after seeing his entire life flash before my eyes there was no room for anything but pity. mind you not the aw poor bb pity but the damn life really is a bitch and then you die. like your family's shit and you're ugly and everyone hates and you can't let go so you end up perpetuating the abuse cycle and there's no redemption. you failed, the end. kinda amazing tbh that she wrote him like that i.e a brave dude who managed to do the right thing after he ruined everything but also a thoroughly unpleasant human being till the end.

p.s: is he even a bad teacher? most of his students pass, his detention is scrubbing pots and he makes mean girls tier remarks. Meanwhile the good guys send children to the forbidden forest and expose them to dangeorus animals without protection lmao

+ the always~ line is overused and criiiinge just like the ship itself. The real goat line is ''And my soul? Mine? It cut me deeply cause i was also dumbledore's (wo)man's through and through and i didn't care about his hitler boyfriend and his secrets and i even went as far as to make a note in the book (the only note) to plead with harry not to doubt him. and he was the only thing remotely close to a friend snape had cause he was the ony one who knew the truth but he did use him cause he wanted to save harry and the world and even fucking draco and it just sucks, it all suuuucks

++and it's not like draco got a redemption, his entire family was dogshit and still got away with everything. i felt this so hard cause thanks to churchil the nazi collaborators in my country never got their comeuppance so their descendants also hold positions of power now and keep eroding our democracy

+++still can't believe the one that got rehabilitated was kreacher, like i hated him so much for sirius but hermione was kinda right. and it was so sad when he must have waited and waited for them to show up and eat that kidney pie

-i remember i hated how my precious perfect hermione ending up with he's just ron but this time i didn't care much. his rapid fire cool AND considerate moments in the battle were very forced in my opinion and a little too little too late but eh whatever as long as she's happy.

+i think it's cause as a kid i wanted her with harry but now he was kinda annoying, idk he can be a pretty annoying kid. i mean it makes sense considering what the poor child had to got Through. But also he's basically the messiah with his love spiel and dying for everyone and i'm sitting here with my hurt cheek and a core that craves a proportionate justice that doesn't exist.

btw i'll never understand people who still complain about albus severus. it's a shit name to be sure but if you spend 7 years with harry it should be obvious this is a 200% in character thing to do.

++adulthood is realising krum was the best and deserved better and we deserved better instead of unrepentant asshole malfoys

-i still hate ginny and molly. molly was poor but had seven kids and the only one who would always get the short end of the stick was ron. it was just so pitiful with the wand, and the cloak and the rat. and she was so obsessed with being harry's mom she got pissed at sirius for being the cool dad (dude had his issues too obviously but they should have met in the middle) and she thought the sun shined out of harry's ass so she froze a teen girl she knew cause of something she read in the Sun. Kinda hated how she got the bella kill too

ginny went from nobody to best at hexing AND sports AND doesn't cry AND she's so hot everyone wants her and lmao what kind of cardboard dating game self-insert is this?Her sense of humour has asuch a mean streak too. And the way they treated fleur argh I felt like i was in an aita about the stereotypical evil mil and sil. and the people who say it was mutual cause fluer was snob? yeah she was and i ripped her one too when she looked down on my favorite chaotic magic murderschool but they weren't bullying her because of that? they were being mean cause they were jealous she was beautiful and men went gaga, because they thought that meant she was shallow and of course she wasn't good enough for their son/bro

and the trashiest thing was when they made fun of accents. these people who only knew english and had never tried learning any other languages! like come on dude

-i had forgotten how hedwig dies aaaaaaa i still can't believe it was so fast and then nothing it still hurts...

[seductresses-temple]

Headcanon #3

Thanks to my newest drabble I cannot unsee Draco sending Ron a Howler full of Muggle Showtunes in unbearably loud decibels the morning after Ron has said something incredibly stupid, oblivious, and insensitive after a night of drinks at the Leaky.

Bonus

Harry thinks it’s fucking HYSTERICAL and literally looks up new songs for Draco all the time because he knows Ron will eventually put his foot in his mouth at some point or another.

Hermione thinks it is equally funny because honestly, she told Ronald not to drink so much, but he never listens. She casts a Silencing Charm around herself and does her best to hide her laughter while she waits until Ron has suffered just enough to justify giving him a Hangover Potion.

Extra Bonus

Pansy was the one to give Draco the idea in the first fucking place

[headcanonsandmore]

For Once

Summary: Hermione and Ron share a tender moment but, as is sadly so often the case, Ron's siblings make it their mission to upset things. Turns out this was one time too many, however.

I always get frustrated when, in fics, Ron's siblings deliberately ruin moments between Ron and Hermione, and recieve no comeuppance for it (even if Ron had suffered yet another hit to his self-esteem) . So here is my response. 

Not bashing but definitely critical of Ginny, Bill, Fred and George, so a warning for that.

~~~~~~~~~

                     Read on FFN.                                        Read on AO3.

~~~~~~~~~

Hermione climbed the staircase of the Burrow. She had been here for a few days so far, and she was loving every moment of it, as she always did whenever she was here. Everything from the Devon countryside, to the food, to the sweet redheaded boy that-

Wait, no. All the Weasleys were sweet, Hermione told herself. It wasn’t like the youngest Weasley boy was especially so.

Oh, who was she kidding? She’d stopped believing that her feelings were just platonic well over a year ago.

Anyway, sixth year would be beginning in about a months’ time. Harry had not arrived at the Burrow yet, but he was expected to be picked up by Dumbledore sometime over the next week. Hermione was looking forward to seeing him. Harry was her best friend and, well, he was like a little brother to her as well. Neither of them had any siblings, although at least Hermione was welcome in her own home.

Her brow furrowed as she remembered the last time she had seen Harry’s aunt and uncle. Both of them seemed deeply unpleasant people. Harry had never really spoken about how he had been treated by them growing up, but Hermione could tell that it was far worse than he would ever let on.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she walked straight into someone on the next landing.

‘Oof, you okay, Hermione?’

Hermione felt her face flush slightly. Of course, it had to be that redhead she’d bumped into.

Ron stared down at her, his blue eyes looking slightly concerned. He was carrying several folded sheets, his biceps slightly tensed and looking more-than-just-slightly attractive. His freckles had multiplied due to the summer heat, and Hermione was very aware that they covered him head-to-toe, seemingly even in places she had never seen (except in dreams that made her flush upon waking). Ron had always been cute but, good grief, when had he gotten so… hot?

‘O-oh, yes,’ Hermione replied, hoping he wouldn’t notice how flustered she was. ‘Sorry, I was… thinking.’

‘Always dangerous,’ Ron said, grinning. ‘But you wouldn’t be Hermione otherwise.’

Hermione smiled, trying to ignore her stomach flipping at his words.

‘Thanks,’ she replied. ‘Are those for your mum?’

‘Yeah, she asked for some fresh sheets,’ Ron said, as she followed him back downstairs. ‘What are you up to?’

‘I was actually looking for you,’ she said.

‘What? Why? Did mum say something?’

‘No, Ron,’ Hermione said, nudging him fondly with her elbow as they descended onto a landing. ‘I just happen to enjoy your company and wanted to spend time with you.’

‘Oh, yeah?’

Ron’s mouth slipped into that lopsided smile. The smile that never failed to reduce Hermione to a flustered mess, as much as she tried to hide it. It was a miracle that Ron never seemed to notice.

‘Y-yeah.’

‘Good to know I’m wanted,’ he said, grinning down at her. ‘I was-’

‘DRAT!’

Both of them jumped. Ron turned to where the sound had come from, and opened the door.

Mr Weasley was scrambling around on the floor, trying to retrieve his wand from underneath a chest of drawers. His balding head was bobbing up and down in frustrating.

‘Dad?’ Ron asked. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Oh, hello Ron,’ Mr Weasley said. ‘Sorry to yell; it just dropped out of my hand. Looks like it slipped under her.’

‘No worries,’ Ron said. He placed the sheets he was holding onto the bed, crouched down and, with a flourish, retrieved the missing wand. ‘Here.’

‘Thanks, son,’ Mr Weasley said, as Ron handed his wand over. ‘‘I just reinforcing the charms around the house. I see you’re helping your mother with those sheets?’

‘No worries. Yeah, just finished,’ Ron said. ‘Which charms are you doing?’

‘Oh, just the muggle-repellent ones. I hate putting them up, but it’s important for security.’

‘Dad, if you had your way, you’ve been asking the muggles in the villages for plug-making instruction manuals,’ Ron said, good-naturedly.

‘Well, you did inherit my love for all things muggle, Ron,’ Mr Weasley said, chuckling. ‘Wouldn’t you say?’

Hermione couldn’t help noticing that, at Mr Weasley’s words, Ron’s ears went slightly pink.

Don’t be silly, she sternly told herself, she just means that Ron likes hearing about the muggle way of doing things. He… he doesn’t mean…

‘Anyway,’ Mr Weasley continued. ‘I’m almost finished now. Hermione, I believe Ron said that you’ve been doing extra work about charms during the holidays.’

‘Er, yes, that’s true,’ Hermione said, quickly as she tried to ignore her own confusion. ‘It’s fascinating, isn’t it? I mean, all the different ways that charms can be used to obscure and hide things. I’ve always wondered how long it took for the spells to be standardised…’

She trailed off, as she saw Ron grin.

‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ Ron said, his cheeks dimpling under his freckles. ‘I’m never gonna get sick of seeing you all excited about magic.’

Hermione felt her face flush.

Mr Weasley seemed to smile to himself.

‘Well, like I said, I’m almost finished now,’ he said, raising his wand to the ceiling. He began to utter a spell, and stepped forward.

However, his foot collided with an old teddy bear, and he slipped, stumbling over the end of the spell.

Mr Weasley’s wand shot out of his hand, and fired a spell, which headed straight for Hermione.

‘Hermione, duck!’

Before she knew what was happening, Hermione found herself pushed out of harms way by Ron.

The spell hit Ron squarely in the chest. He gave a gentle groan, and fell backwards on the floor.

‘Ron!’

Mr Weasley had hurried over, and knelt down beside his brother. Hermione dashed forward, and dropped down on Ron’s other side. With thinking, she eased Ron’s head off the floor, so that he was resting on her lap. Ron stirred feebly.

‘Mr Weasley, is… is he okay?’

‘He’ll be fine. Just a little confunded,’ Mr Weasley said, smiling faintly down at Ron. ‘I’m sorry, son. Hermione, It’s best if you stay with him while I go and get the healing supplies from the kitchen.’

‘O-okay,’ Hermione said, suddenly aware that Ron’s head was resting in her lap.

‘Thanks,’ Mr Weasley said, moving to the door. ‘Don’t worry; I doubt Ron will complain. He did take that spell for you, after all.’

With a knowing smile at Hermione’s flustered expression, Mr Weasley left the room.

‘Mione?’ Ron mumbled, his eyes still half-closed. ‘W’happened?’

‘You… you got hit by a confunding spell,’ Hermione replied. ‘Your dad’s gone to get you something for it.’

‘You… you okay?’

Hermione smiled.

‘Ron, you’re the one who got hit by it. Worry about yourself.’

The redhead smiled.

‘So you didn’t get hit…that’s good… glad you’re okay, ‘Mione…’

Hermione felt her heart well, as she stared down at the redhead. His smile was happy and utterly genuine.

‘T-thank you, Ron,’ she whispered. ‘You’re… you’re too good to me.’

‘Naaah,’ Ron mumbled. ‘You’re important… especially to me.’

Hermione smiled, as her heart threatened to burst open. Ron was such a lovely person. No wonder she had fallen so hard.

The door opened, and Hermione looked up. Mr Weasley had returned, carrying a medicine kit. Kneeling down, he pulled out a small vial of potion.

‘Here; it’ll take away his dizziness.’

Hermione nodded, and took the vial. She gently tipped the contents into Ron’s mouth. The redhead swallowed slowly, and he seemed to return somewhat to his senses.

‘There we go,’ Mr Weasley said, as Ron sat up, holding his head. ‘You’ll feel wobbly for a while, so wait until the potion takes full effect before standing up.’

‘R-right,’ Ron said. ‘Dad, can you take those sheets downstairs? I think mum wanted them.’

Mr Weasley nodded, picked up the sheets, gave a brief smile to Ron and Hermione, and then left through the door.

Ron seemed to suddenly realise that his head had been laying in Hermione’s lap.

‘Er, sorry,’ Ron mumbled, his ears going pink. He smiled softly. ‘Thanks for looking after me. Guess I behaved like a right twit, right?’

Hermione opened her mouth, intent on telling Ron that he had been brave and sweet, how much it meant to her that he was so kind, and how much she admired him for it.

‘Yeah, “twit” is right!’

Hermione stopped, her mouth half-open. Her eyes widened in horror as she turned towards the door.

Fred and George had walked into the room, followed by Ginny and Bill. All of them seemed to be snickering to themselves.

‘He got knocked right out! Ickle Ronniekins had to be the big brave knight, didn’t he?’

‘Nevermind, Ron,’ Bill said, chuckling. ‘I’m sure Hermione doesn’t mind you dribbling on her jeans.’

Ron’s ears burned further pink, and his shoulders seemed to slump. The smile on his face had vanished, and now he looked awkward, uncomfortable and -above all- resigned.

‘Er, sorry,’ he said, quietly to Hermione. ‘I… I best go help Mum with the dinner. See you later.’

‘No, Ron,’ Hermione began, frantically. ‘You don’t understand! I…’

‘It’s fine, Hermione,’ Ron said, quietly. ‘You… you don’t need to explain anything.’

Still looking unsteady on his feet, Ron walked out of the room. Hermione thought she heard a sigh as the door closed behind him.

‘Come on, Hermione,’ Ginny said, still chuckling. ‘Wait, he didn’t really dribble on you, did-’

‘What is wrong with you all?!’ Hermione cried. ‘Why can’t you all keep your mouths shut?’

The room went very quiet as Fred, George, Ginny and Bill all stopped laughing to stare at her.

‘He was being brave and kind, like he always is,’ Hermione exclaimed, tears began to streak down her face. ‘And you made him think I was just pitying him! Like he was just being an idiot for being so selfless! How dare you?’

The Weasleys all went silent. Hermione didn’t know where her anger was coming from; it could have been from the years of teasing she had seen Ron be subjected to by his siblings, or the fact that any moment between her and Ron seemed to be constantly ruined by his siblings mocking him, or maybe it was the fact that she couldn’t begin to fully explain to Ron just how much she adored him.  All she knew was that she could stay silent no longer. This was one time too many.

‘I’m sick of this! He’s your brother; he’s kind, and sweet, and brave. More than you could ever imagine, and yet you all treat him like he can’t do anything right!’

Her body wracked with sobs, Hermione slammed the door behind her, and stormed upstairs to the room she was sharing with Ginny.

She could distantly hear the sounds of a returning Mr Weasley asking his remaining children why Ron had gone before the potion had taken full effect, and of the other Weasleys stumbling through their explanations.

Good luck trying to explain that to your consciences, Hermione thought, bitterly, as she closed the bedroom door behind her. She sank into the mattress; angry, frustrated but most of all devastated that, no matter how much she adored Ron, it seemed like all of his siblings seemed to act like he could never be anything other than an object of mockery and pity. A clown. A twit who only ever made pratfalls and embarrass his friends.

Or, at least, Ron certainly wouldn’t think they saw him as anything more than that. And that was possibly the worst thing about it.

~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you enjoyed it!

[batmansymbol]

how long rita skeeter was in the jar.

y'all, i have a fictional Bone to Pick. i'll be the first to acknowledge that hermione granger can be brutal; the curse she put on the DA's list of names proves that. but can we stop circulating the straight-up wrong idea that she imprisoned rita skeeter in a jar for close to a year??? holy shit. i see this everywhere in hp fandom and it drives me nuts.

the exact quote from the end of Goblet of Fire, when they're on the train home, is:

"I've told her I'll let her out when we get back to London," said Hermione. "I've put an Unbreakable Charm on the jar, you see, so she can't transform. And I've told her she's to keep her quill to herself for a whole year. See if she can't break the habit of writing horrible lies about people."

so, Rita is out by the end of the novel.

how long was she in the jar, then? let's take a look at the timeline. hermione catches rita the night that voldemort returns. that's the end of june, specifically the 24th (bagman says the exact date of the Third Task in ch. 26).

the 24th is several days before the hogwarts express scene. we know it's several days, because the next chapter begins with this line:

When he looked back, even a month later, Harry found he had only scattered memories of the next few days.

a summary of these "few days" after the graveyard follows. then the Leaving Feast happens, and the day after the feast, they get on the train home. it can't be more than a week, because they're always home by july.

so, around 4-6 days pass between hermione catching rita and the end of the novel, when she's released. i have NO idea where this idea came from that hermione just keeps a human being in a jar until the quibbler interview in Order of the Phoenix!!! omg

does this "matter" in the grand sense of things in the world "mattering"? no. does it annoy me beyond all reason whenever i see it mentioned in a fic or just casually around fandom? yes, jesus christ. keeping rita captive for 4-6 days is still questionable behavior, but it's the difference between having a vindictive streak/a taste for moral comeuppance, which hermione definitely does, versus being an outright sadist/torturer, which she is definitely not.

(i think it also annoys me because it erases the details of hermione's motivations here. she wants to prevent a predatory journalist from writing another sensationalized hitpiece about her already-traumatized friend, BUT she recognizes that she can't just control someone else completely, precisely because she isn't a sadist. and so she lands in the middle: she blackmails rita using her knowledge of the legal system. which is a much more precise characterization.)

[adenei]

This is probably going to sound a bit childish of me, but could you do a follow-up to that patronus drabble where Ron gets his own back on the twins? It always kinda bugs me that in the books they rarely saw consequences for making him the butt of a joke in front of others (especially Hermione).

Hi @headcanonsandmoreinperson! Thanks for the ask! I had fun with this one. And not childish at all, the twins definitely need some comeuppance for their antics now and then :)

Please also feel free to check out additional follow-ups from the original story by @be11atrixthestrange, @avatarvader, and @voldemorts-tap-shoes 

The whole premise has kind of exploded (as voldemorts-tap-shoes states, it became “the prompt that spiraled out of control”) 

I hope you enjoy, and are having a great week! ❤

******************************

The Terrier’s Payback

Ron was still mortified at the end of the DA lesson about the whole patronus incident. No one bothered to listen or believe him because they were all laughing uncontrollably or disgusted by his terrier’s actions. He was walking down the corridor when he heard sniggering coming from around the corner. It sounded like Fred and George.

“That was priceless.” Fred said.

“Yeah, it was good for a laugh, but it backfired dinn’it?”  George responded.

“What d’you mean? It’s not like they were going to get any closer after the first one anyhow. I’m sure Hermione didn’t pick up on either hint. They’re both so daft,” Fred said.

Of course it was those two. But what the hell kind of charm did they use on my patronus? Ron was intending to go to the common room to take a nap and avoid derisive looks until dinner, but he’d changed course and headed straight for the library. He set his bag down at a table and went to look for every book on patronuses that he could find. Ron was determined to figure out what the hell the twins had used to manipulate his patronus like that. It was clearly possible.

Ron spent the better part of an hour skimming indexes and reading up on anything that came close to what he’d witnessed. Finally, he’d found the answer he was looking for. Some witches and wizards placed cheering charms on their patronuses to extend its life in a single use for various reasons. Early guards of Azkaban were some of the main people when they had to make sure the dementors could maintain the responsibility.

The cheering charm would allow the patronus to continue feeding off of the happy thought without having to continually think of the memory. And then, Ron had read of instances of a charm that modified the Imperius curse, allowing the caster to give the patronus directions of certain actions to do while in it’s corporeal state. It was known as a compelling charm, which would essentially compel the object in question to do what the witch or wizard wanted.

So Ron took the book that had the charms, checked it out and headed back to the Room of Requirement to practice before he attempted his revenge. It took a few attempts, since he was technically casting several charms in close succession, but Ron was pleased when he was finally able to cast it. He checked his watch and was happy to see they still had an hour before dinner, so he hurried on his way back to the common room.

When he walked through the portrait hole, he surveyed the room. Harry and Hermione were sitting on their preferred side of the room, while Fred and George were on the far side with Lee. They didn’t notice him walk in as he went and sat next to Harry. Hermione continued focusing on her work, not paying Ron much mind.

Ron made sure that the twins weren’t paying attention when he nudged Harry and said, “Watch this.” He cast expecto patronum first, immediately followed by the cheering charm and then the compelling charm once the terrier had formed.

“Er, Ron, I already saw your patronus today...it’s brilliant, don’t get me wrong, but nothing new,” Harry said.

Ron didn’t respond because he needed to keep his focus as he thought of what he wanted the dog to do. He watched the terrier prance over to the twins, and had it pace around their feet. 

When they noticed, Ron heard Fred say, “Aw, the little guy’s out to play again!”

“Better be careful, Fred, he might attack your leg, too,” George said.

That was all Ron needed to compel the terrier on what to do next. He watched as the dog yipped at the twins, turned to the side, and lifted it’s leg as a wispy stream jetted from it’s underbelly. 

The twins jumped up and out of the way, despite the fact that it wasn’t actually real urine, and the rest of the common room roared with laughter. Ron lost it too, and with a flick of his wand released the charm and watched the dog disappear.

“That was a good one, mate!” Harry said through his gasps of breath.

“Thanks,” Ron said with a wicked grin. I had to get them back somehow from earlier!”

Hermione was trying hard to suppress her own giggles. “Earlier?” Ron pretended like he’d just noticed she was paying attention.

“Well, yeah, they were the ones who charmed the terrier to do, er,” he rubbed the back of his neck as his ears turned red. 

Hermione’s face displayed a look of understanding as was able to finish Ron’s sentence in her own thoughts. “Oh! Well done, Ron. That can’t have been easy spellwork,” she commented.

Ron shrugged, “Nah, just three charms consecutively. Only took a few attempts to get it.”

Hermione stared at him incredulously. “Ron, that’s really complex!” And he was acting like it was no big deal.

Ron waved her off, pretending as though her praise wasn’t anything special as his stomach did a somersault and his heart beat harder in his chest. He was quite proud of the fact that he’d sought revenge on the twins and impressed Hermione all in one day. Maybe fifth year was finally looking up.

[vivithefolle]

Love isn’t a Deus Ex Machina thing, it’s literally the core theme of the series, hence why Love Magic exists

Love Magic is never a concept at any time in the series. It’s only about “Lily Potter’s spell”. But what’s so special about Lily Potter? What’s so great about her? She did the thing any halfway decent mother would do for their child: she gave her life for them. Molly would’ve done it for any of her sons. Narcissa would have done it for Draco. Mrs Granger the nonentity would have done it for her daughter had she not been lobotomized instead. Lily Potter’s sacrifice isn’t anything special. It’s only special because Rowling decided so, because the Plot needed it to be.

Love isn’t a Deus Ex Machina thing? Then how come Quirrel conveniently burned to death at Harry’s hands? How come Harry had to live at Privet Drive because reasons so he could be abused so naive readers like you could feel very sorry for the poor widdle orphan and pat themselves on the back because wow, aren’t you special for feeling sorry for the poor widdle orphan?

And I didn’t misunderstand Harry. I literally explained him to you

If you don’t like him, I don’t care. Just stop giving his uniqueness to other characters

And you literally showed me exactly why you don’t understand him.

Harry’s superpower isn’t teh special uniqueness of his luuuurve, or the absolute pure pureness of his heart, it’s that he has FRIENDS. Friends who’d die for him, friends who’d sacrifice themselves for him, friends who’d do anything for him. THAT’S the power of love, not some bullshit ~special pure pureness of the heart of Harry Christ our lord and savior~. Harry isn’’t unfailingly kind or uniquely loving or whatever the shit. Harry is a run-of-the-mill teenager who has such obscene luck I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he was conceived under the influence of Lucky Potion.

You just showed me you’re a member of the Church of Harry Christ and I’m not interested in joining. Dear God I thought I was too attached to fictional characters but wow am I glad I’m not at your level.

Also one more thing: “tortured” someone?

Sure. A painful stunner is DEF torture (that’s legit all his Crucio did; it acted as a painful stunner. It threw Carrow backwards and hurt him while it did. Crucio isn’t even close to that when performed properly)

............ you... you fucking little hypocrite.

You filthy, lying, little bitch cunt of a fucking hypocrite.

Remember when I said the next person who’d try to lie to me to pity poor wee widdle Hawwy would be sorry? You pathetic little piece of shit. If you’re so in luuurve with your precious cuntfuck of a camera archetype you’d accept EVERYTHING about him, wouldn’t you? Haha, but noooo. “Oh wee poor Hawwy only used a painful stunner :)))))))” you fucking little bitch. Oh you accuse ME of trying to “make Hawwy not special :(((” but you... YOU... Hahahaha sorry everyone. I have a slight aversion to people blatantly trying to gaslight me. You may find me getting a little bit angry if you happen to trod on this trigger of mine.

Let’s see that again shall we? Open your eyes and your chakras, bitch, we’re going for a ride.

“It’s not a case of what you’ll permit, Minerva McGonagall. You time’s over. It’s us what’s in charge here now, and you’ll back me up or you’ll pay the price.” And he spat in her face. Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that.” As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!” The Death Eater was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain, and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass, he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor. “I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.” - Deathly Hallows

If I could reach through my screen to force you to look at the relevant bits, I would. And I’d also slap you in passing. Yknow, just so you think twice before being a stinking fucking hypocrite again in the future.

Now, let’s do some actual literary analysis that isn’t your ~wah hawwy puwe of heawt luuurrrve~ diarrhea you’re still trying to paint my poor innocent blog with.

Now let’s see that PaInFuL sTuNnEr in detail:

He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain 

In bold so you can see it very well. Admire the curve of each letter, the angles and the lines. And most of all, interpret the meaning of each and every word. Watch how he’s compared to “a drowning man”, do you know how excruciatingly painful and distressing it is to drown? How the air fills your lungs as you claw desperately for the surface, trying to find something to cling to, anything, the feeling of your lungs filling with this foreign substance you cannot spit back out? The feeling of fading away as all your oxygen is consumed by the futility of your hopeless flailing, your muscles losing their strength, your panic dulling as you slip into unconsciousness and water claims yet another victim...

Of course, drowning people don’t thrash and howl in pain. Because all they’re focused on is trying to BREATHE. But Amycus’ focus isn’t on trying to breathe. Amycus is only focus on Harry’s Crucio and the pain it’s bringing him.

But sure Anon. A pAiNfUl StUnNeR. Fuck you.

and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass 

Now I’m aware Dummywood has made you believe that glass can be traversed easy without any consequences but real glass doesn’t work like that. Real glass takes some force to shatter. Real glass shatters into hundreds of tiny pieces that embed themselves into your flesh and skin, kinda like... oh! Kinda like that glass chandelier that fell on Hermione, once. After she herself was Crucio’d if I remember well. Hmm, by whom exactly, I have it on the tip of my tongue...

“I see what Bellatrix meant,” 

Ah yes. By the woman who tortured to insanity Neville’s parents and whom Harry is literally acknowledging as having taught him this particular lesson.

Harry himself is TELLING US HE LISTENED TO BELLATRIX’S ADVICE. ON FUCKING TORTURING PEOPLE. But “a PaInFuL sTuNnEr He’S aN oRpHaN :’‘‘(((((”. Fuck off. Fuck off, Anon. Fuck off and learn to fucking read.

Ah but I got ahead of myself! We’re not even CLOSE to the point!

he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor 

So Amycus gets tortured - or, as Anon astutely put it, pAiNfUl StUnNeR - smashes through a sheet of glass, and gets knocked out.

Hmm. Now if Harry just took out a knife and brought it to Carrow’s neck, he’d be worthy of being called Bellatrix’s faithful apprentice.

And now I’m gonna quote one of my Quora answers again because my followers deserve better than to see me completely lose my mind at some anonymous cowardly cunt trying to lie to my fucking face.

On the topic of Harry’s Crucios:

This could mean that Harry is scarily proficient at casting Crucio, that Amycus has low pain tolerance or that he was knocked out when he fell, but regardless of the meaning, IT’S NOT GOOD. EVEN IF IT’S A DEATH EATER, EVEN IF HE PROBABLY DESERVES COMEUPPANCE - IT’S NOT HARRY’S JOB TO GIVE OUT SAID COMEUPPANCE.

(Like, can I please remind everyone that Harry is supposed to be the Jesus Christ of his story? In the Bible we never have Jesus Christ torturing the pharisees or any of those who didn’t believe in him. Just… you’re telling me Jesus “Peace and Love” Christ would torture people… what the hell, Joanne?)

“I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.”

…………………….. Um. Harry, what the fuck are you doing???! He’s taken Bellatrix’s advice! He actually relates to the insane sadistic terrorist! He is capable of using a curse that literally requires sadism to work!

(Again, when someone tells me “Jesus Christ”, “sadism” isn’t the first word that would come to my mind.)

At least there’s some sort of reaction. “the blood thundering through his brain”. But that’s a very… nondescriptive reaction. Is it the “adrenaline pumping in my veins” blood? Is it the “holy shit what have I done” blood? Is it the “I could get used to this” blood?

We don’t know. We’ll never know.

Alright, skipping to the part that interests us -

She struggled to pull herself together. “Potter, that was foolish!”

Eh, I’d have said “tactically unsound” (what if Amycus wasn’t knocked out), “monstrous” (that’s Bellatrix’s favourite curse you’re using, Harry), “insane” (re: Bellatrix), but yeah, I guess “foolish” would also cover it.

“He spat at you,” said Harry.

Ever heard of Disproportionate Retribution, Harry? A few fascists regimes all over the world were especially fond of it.

Then I’m skipping over the one thing that causes the most outrage because I’ll go back to it soon, just let me finish with this:

“[…] but don’t you realize — ?” “Yeah, I do,” Harry assured her. Somehow her panic steadied him.

I guess we can imagine that McGee is saying “don’t you realize what you’ve just done?”

Harry “assures” her he realizes. Harry knows. Harry has just used the literal goddamn Torture Curse and he’s totally cool with it. Or, if he was uncool with it, now he’s cool with it. Because “her panic steadied him”. So seeing McGonagall panic makes Harry think “yeah, using Crucio was the right thing to do”.

Well then! Onwards then, Dark Lord Potter! First it’s just one Crucio, then it’s just three, then it’s just one little murder of one lowly little naysayer, then it’s only a little more murder…

And now we’ll go back a smidge, because how are we supposed to react?

How are we supposed to reconcile the idea of Harry, who’s supposed to save us all through his Power of Love, with the Harry that has just tortured a man into inconsciousness?

Even if that man was a Death Eater, Harry is supposed to be the Christ-like figure. He’s supposed to be love and forgiveness incarnate. Heck, not a hundred pages later he’ll offer forgiveness to freaking Voldemort! He forgives Draco Malfoy, he forgives Albus Dumbledore, he forgives Severus Snape!

So how do we reconcile Harry Potter The Forgiver with Harry Potter The Torturer? Tell us, O Author! Tell us how to navigate the murky, twisted depths of human morality!!

“Potter, I — that was very — very gallant of you — […]”

…

…………………

………………………………………………

That was… gallant?

Gallant?

Wait, doesn’t gallantry imply some form of honor?

As in, not taking your opponent by surprise -

Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand…

As in, facing your opponent head-on instead of hitting them in the back -

As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted…

As in, not torturing your opponent???

He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain

That’s… unless the definition has changed, nothing about this is gallant…

Let me just -

(of a man) polite and kind towards women, especially when in public

showing no fear of dangerous or difficult things

Alright, so, Amycus isn’t a woman, so Harry can’t, by definition, be “gallant” to him.

Still, being “polite and kind” to a woman didn’t involve “torturing someone who disrespected her”, last time I checked. Punching an asshole harrassing her, definitely *pats Ron*, but torturing that asshole… no, just no.

And well, I guess casting Cruciatus is a difficult thing to do… and Harry didn’t seem very afraid to do it… that’s not supposed to be a good thing, but apparently, now it is…?

What made that

As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!”

more gallant than

“What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!”

After all, they’re the exact same thing. Torture. Inflicting tremendous pain upon someone for the heck of it.

Why do people lose their heads over Harry using Crucio, when they seem to neglect the fact that Draco Malfoy cast it?

Well, easy enough - Draco Malfoy is an evil little cockroach. The guy wished death upon people, he bragged about the fact that his Daddy dearest was a terrorist who killed people. It’s not too surprising that an evil little cockroach like him would find it acceptable to torture someone he considers “not human”, isn’t it?

What’s more surprising however, is that the hero, Harry Potter, who has been subjected to the Torture Curse, whose only use of the Torture Curse previously was when he felt distress and pain unlike any other, that Harry Potter whom is supposed to be a hero and some sort of role model, would actually manage to use said Torture Curse even though it requires real sadism to actually work.

And what’s even worse is that Harry Potter casts that curse, that literal Torture Curse, and instead of being rightly horrified, instead of being terrified by the boy’s use of such a heinous spell, instead of saying “alright Harry, you’re not doing this again, ever, right?”, instead…

Instead McGonagall calls Harry “gallant”, instead of telling him off for using such a curse. She briefly calls him “foolish”, but it doesn’t register, really, since she ends up calling him “gallant”.

That’s what angers people. That the Torture Curse is the most horrible, awful thing you can do to people… unless you’re Harry Potter, in which case it is a little “foolish”, but mostly “gallant”.

......................

But of course, little Anon over here isn’t angered. Because little Anon is a faithful devoted member of the Church of Harry Christ Our Lord And Saviour. Little Anon can say enormities like A pAiNfUl StUnNeR and believe it with the whole force of their little Anon heart, because uwu Hawwy speshul orphan pure lurve uwu.

Little Anon, please get the fuck out of my blog and never, ever come back. I’m sure this arrangement will be beneficial for everyone involved.

[ninjafairy86]

On Writing Tomione: An Introspect

I’m not one to get involved in fandom discourse (which I don’t really count this as discourse), because I typically couldn’t be bothered. Everyone has their opinions and I’m not out there trying to change minds on a topic if I don’t agree with it (or further discussing said topic if I do agree with it), because I respect their differing views.

It’s no secret, that for roughly the last two years, I have fallen out of the Tomione ship/fandom. Yeah, I still like the idea of Tomione. But I find it nearly impossible to read and write it now. I could NOT figure out why, for the life of me. Was it because of my busy schedule? Depression? Anxiety? Writer’s Block? (Which I do not believe exists, but we’ll sit on that egg and hatch it another day.)

Yeah, I’ve been busy with my personal life. I dealt with toxic family drama that I got my son and I out of earlier this year. COVID-19 happened. I started a new job teaching in a public school during this god forsaken pandemic - in fucking Florida, of all places. (I’m sure most of you know how Florida is handling that bullshit - don’t even get me started. Thank God I have an amazing principal. Anyway). I tried dating during a pandemic as a single mother in her mid-30′s on dating apps (In which I was harshly reminded that most men are trash. 1 out of 5 stars. Would not recommend.).

But while reading a lot of (too much, lol) Zutara fic, I realized something about my own Tomione fics and why I have spent so much time staring blankly at my empty Word document for the next chapter of Fostering a Nightmare: I was guilty of hard-core romanticizing Tom Riddle.

Everything I wrote was about him. Everything was experienced through him, even from Hermione’s perspective. Sure, most versions of fanfiction Tom Riddle, he is a narcissist or a sociopath or whatever other neurological diagnosis you want to slap on his forehead. That’s all fine and dandy, I enjoy writing characters who have mental illness, but I discovered that I am disgusted by the way I’ve written him in some of my stories and that is why I’m having struggles with getting back into the ship as a writer. I’m also disgusted by the way other authors write him sometimes (no offense to any of you - write him however you want. I’m not saying you are wrong or telling you how to write him), and I just want him to get his comeuppance and fucking die by Hermione’s hands in every damn story, including most of my own.

Another problem I realized: I made Hermione passive often without even realizing it. Here I was, thinking I was writing this strong female character, when, - hah - newsflash, you dumb bitch, I was not. Sure, there were times when I thought I was, but I wasn’t - not really. (The only fic I feel like Hermione is genuinely strong is in my pirate au, but that Tom is rather tame and not abusive).

So, I thought to myself: I love the premise of my fanfics. Maybe I could rewrite them and change the writer’s tone, the storytelling, and the interactions between characters. Tom can still be an asshole, but it will be obvious that he is an asshole. I will not romanticize him via my writing (he can romanticize himself all damn day long, if he wants). Hermione will not be passive in whatever relationship they have. Maybe, if I do this, I will feel inspired to write Tomione again.

But, ya’ll, holy shit balls. Have you ever looked at your writing from years ago and thrown up in your mouth a little bit? Like, straight up acid reflux? lmao I’m daunted by the task and I have no idea where to start. I’m not even sure if I even want to.

I wasn’t planning on welcoming discussion on this topic, but I’m curious to hear your thoughts. Am I alone in feeling this way?

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNLT- THE EYE OF THE SNAKE

Lily eyed the book with worry before glancing to Harry. She wanted to volunteer they stop for the night, at least on the good note of Hagrid's return.

"Don't even Lily," James began pleading at once, recognizing the look on her face as she eyed the book, though it wasn't her turn. "Please, we haven't gotten to hear about the twins revenge yet for what Umbridge did to my boy! After that, I swear I'll back you on calling it a night." She couldn't help but give in quick enough, she wouldn't mind hearing a little comeuppance for that toad as well.

Sirius refused to get up to get the book though and demanded James just throw it to him, it dissolved into an argument of who was lazier, and Remus solved the debate by Summoning the book to him and then smacking Sirius upside the head while Lily did the same to James.

Sirius snatched the book away but waited patiently for Harry's joyful laughter to subside, they knew they were all going to long for that noise too soon again.

Hermione ploughed her way back to Hagrid's cabin through two feet of snow on Sunday morning.

"Dedication," Sirius chuckled.

The boys would have gone with her, but their homework refused to allow otherwise.

"No, I think that one wins," Remus sighed.

  It was difficult to concentrate, as someone was enchanting snowballs to fly into their common room window. Ron finally lost his patience after an hour of this and shot his head out, telling whoever it was below that as prefect he'd put someone in detention if one more- then he shouted in pain.

"At least someone around there knows the proper response to that," James chuckled.

He pulled his snow covered face back in to announce it was Fred and George.

All five of them started chuckling, but suddenly Sirius was even harder than before, and he wouldn't stop for several moments until finally he ran out of air and then his shoulders were still shaking.

"You know you're going to have to explain that," Remus said conversationally while watching his friend fall to pieces.

"Think back to the last time the twins were mentioned throwing snowballs," Sirius insisted, now watching the others gleefully for them to get the joke.

"Err, last year, we had a snowball fight with them," Harry offered.

"No, farther back," Sirius insisted.

James got it first, his eyes widening with some fascinating combination of fear and unrestrained humor. "The twins, were pegging Quirrell, with snowballs..." he trailed off in a strange tone of voice, but the twitching smile creeping across his face was threatening the same reaction as Sirius' soon.

"On the back of the head, where," Remus tried, and failed, to finish though the other two realized already and felt their mouth's flop open.

"Merlin's beard," Lily whispered, glancing to the first book and feeling the urge to start praying Quirrell never divulged who it was doing that or the twins would be next on Voldemort's list after her own son.

James couldn't help falling into the same laughing fit as Sirius had now, and Harry joined in uneasily like he was still half fighting back the urge to scream at the idea.

Remus just pressed hard at his temples, now fearing for his friends lives. They may very well start laughing in Voldemort's face the next time they came across him if this crossed their minds at the wrong time.

Sirius kept going with a grin still stuck in place, he hoped Harry had shared that little bit of information with them or he'd be very disappointed.*

Hermione came back around lunch, Ron at once asking if she'd planned his lessons out for him?

"I was surprised she didn't start doing that when he was spending a whole year on flobberworms," Remus sighed.

Hermione admitted she'd tried,

"The sad part is, she's not actually kidding," James chuckled.

before explaining she'd been there the first half hour knocking and he hadn't even been there.

"Why?" Lily demanded of the poor girl. "Go fetch yourself a nice warm cuppa and come back, clearly he was out doing his gamekeeping."

"Credit for determination?" Remus offered weakly.

When he did come back, it was from the Forest, causing Harry to groan in trepidation. That place was teeming with the sort of creatures that would get Hagrid fired.

"Hagrid has to do work in there as well as the grounds," Sirius corrected, "remember the unicorns from your first year? He self obligates to tend to any injured creature in his reach."

"This doesn't automatically mean his first lesson back has to do with something in there," Remus agreed, though Harry hardly looked convinced.

He asked what was being kept in there,

"I'm sure I could spend an hour telling you all the creatures in there, and Hagrid probably has a cataloged book on them," James chuckled.

but Hermione said he refused to explain. She'd still tried to explain to him why it was so important he go over lessons about Knarls rather than Chimeras, while instantly telling the terrified faces of the boys she doubted he had a Chimera.

"Hagrid's disappointing me then," Remus said with a blank face, leaving his friends unsure how much of a joke he meant that. He'd certainly been excited enough about dragons...

Though it didn't seem to be from lack of trying, considering he'd mentioned how hard it was to get eggs.

Remus cracked and began snickering with laughter while the other two rolled their eyes.

He still wouldn't even explain to her how he'd gotten those injuries.

Lily couldn't help but go back to worrying her lip at this, but he was still up and moving so she was at least convinced he was fine. She wished she could know what had gone wrong, to warn the poor dear so this never had to happen to him, but at least he was back at school and away from whatever had happened.

Hagrid's reappearance at the staff table at breakfast next day was not greeted by enthusiasm from all students.

All five of them scoffed, thinking he should have gotten a standing ovation for what he'd been out doing.

The twins and Lee made the event noticeable at least, by running up to the staff table and wringing his hand in a welcoming greeting,

The Marauders began laughing even harder, knowing they'd have done the exact same thing.

though most like Parvati and Lavender exchanged glum looks. The very smallest of Harry's unbiased opinion even understood why, at least Grubbly-Plank's idea of an interesting lesson didn't involve getting heads ripped off.

"Where on Earth has your sense gone?" James demanded deadpan, though not as well as he'd liked as he couldn't help nodding in slight agreement. He adored Hagrid and there was no better gamekeeper, but it wouldn't kill the man to stop putting his son in extra danger like some of his previous creatures had caused.

They trekked down to his first class back with heavy trepidation, with only minimal relief to see only the usual Slytherins present, Umbridge hadn't arrived yet and Harry was not looking forward to how they'd likely act worse than usual with her around.

Sirius was already flush with anger at the thought, in some distant way he almost found it remarkable how he could continue wanting to punch the same person in the face repeatedly, he was more than used to that feeling, and was just having to redirect it.

However, the High Inquisitor was nowhere to be seen as they struggled through the snow towards Hagrid,

"Probably because it goes over her head and she got lost," James said with relish.

"Let's hope she goes wandering into the Forest and never comes out," Remus grumbled.

who was not a reassuring sight, his bruises now turning green and yellow,

"That means they're starting to heal, even if they aren't the prettiest sight," Lily began smiling with relief.

and some of his cuts still seemed to be bleeding.

They all frowned uneasily at that though, but James quickly tried to reassure, "maybe he's just, err, picking at them, you know scratching at the scabs." None of them really believed this, Hagrid should have the self restraint not to, but they couldn't think up anything else.

Harry could not understand this: had Hagrid perhaps been attacked by some creature whose venom prevented the wounds it inflicted from healing?

Sirius practically felt the cold chill wash off of Harry beside him, looking over with worry to see he'd gone ghastly pale and was shivering at the mention of this. He opened his mouth in concern, but Harry was already forcing himself to remain out of the moment, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply before looking around at them. He did not try to offer a comforting smile, just nodded to show he was fine and turned back to Sirius. There was still something dark lingering in his eyes, washing Sirius with a now familiar deep worry. He hadn't seen Harry this afraid to learn something since the end of last year, when Cedric had died...but no, this must be something else, maybe he was remembering the basilisk too vividly, no one else was going to die!

Sirius exchanged a look with the others, but when Harry felt like the silence was going to smother him he forced himself to find his voice and pleaded, "it's alright, really, I don't know what that was about but it's certainly nothing to do with Hagrid's class," even this small memory he offered made him twitch with unease even as he relaxed for that being true, and Sirius forced himself to keep going for at least that miniscule comfort.

As though to complete the ominous picture, Hagrid was carrying what looked like half a dead cow over his shoulder.

Remus couldn't help but snort in surprise, making Harry smile despite himself.

He gave them the happy greeting of telling them they'd be working in the Forest today.

Lily couldn't help but groan in frustration, she felt like tearing out her hair at her boy now being forced to go back in there again.

"Calm down dear," James placated even as he kept a worried eye on Harry, but though he was frowning his words still seemed to be true, he wasn't afraid of the Forest, much, at least not to the level of whatever memory he'd nearly remembered. "We told you the older students go into the forest for some advanced Care of Magical Creatures classes. Hagrid is doing this a bit early, usually only NEWT students do, but when has Hagrid ever been conventional?" He laughed at the end like something was actually funny.

Lily didn't join in, but she didn't feel like yelling at Hagrid, as much, either.

Malfoy got panicky at once, demanding to know what was in there?

All of the boys couldn't help a dark chuckle for this.

Harry couldn't help but smile watching Malfoy squirm. Ever since his last Quidditch match, anything that caused Malfoy discomfort was good with him.

Even Lily couldn't help a twisted little smile for that. Of all the times she'd detested that sport for multiple reasons, she'd never condone something that made her son so upset, and clearly losing his spot on the team because of this twerp meant he deserved far worse than just a little discomfort.

Hagrid ignored this and beckoned them all to start following him, explaining over his shoulder that he had the only domesticated ones in Britain.

Remus couldn't help his level of interest rise. He completely trusted Hagrid's words on this and was hoping Harry was experiencing something he hadn't gotten to in his own classes with Kettleburn, and was now resisting the urge to snatch the book away from Sirius with curiosity.

Malfoy's voice lost none of its panic as he demanded how sure Hagrid was of this? It wouldn't be the first time he'd brought wild things here.

"I, well I mean the skrewts were," Lily struggled to both disagree with Malfoy and not make Hagrid come off too bad in that, but failed and the boys couldn't one hundred percent back her up either, so they let the awkward silence hang.

Hagrid scoffed of course they were trained, Malfoy countering by demanding what had happened to Hagrid's face then.

"Oh surely that's nothing to do with this," James said at once as Lily lost an extra shade of color. "If Hagrid says he's domesticated them than he did, that means it's been years since he's had whatever this is. No, I'm still convinced those injuries have something to do with whatever happened on the way back from the giants."

"Something that made Maxime come home early and leave him to himself," Lily reminded a little snippy. Even knowing it hadn't been Maxime to rat out Hagrid last year, she was still a little cold towards the woman who'd caused him so much pain in her original down turn of him, though she'd been suppressing it since clearly Hagrid had forgiven her.

"I'm positive that was Hagrid convincing her to do so, which makes me wonder if Hagrid did come across some new creature and he didn't want her to get hurt," Sirius tried.

"Which still has nothing to do with this actual lesson," James finished with conviction, as he felt that had made his original point.

Lily wasn't entirely convinced, but as they had nothing more to go on, let it go.

Hagrid snapped that was none of his business and to stop asking stupid questions.

"I love Hagrid," Sirius chuckled.

They stopped so deep into the Forest there was no longer snow on the ground, and Hagrid dumped the cow carcass in a semi clear patch of trees.

"Do I want to know what happened to the other half?" Harry muttered with unease.

"Was probably breakfast for whatever this is," Remus said with far too much eagerness in his opinion. "Now he's coming out with more, as more than likely they haven't wandered off too far since then."

The class stayed very far back into the trees, peering around as if expecting to be pounced upon any moment. Hagrid hardly took notice of this as he told them they'd soon be attracted by the smell of blood, but he was going to give them a call to let them know it was him.

Remus was clearly listening with the most interest, a smile on his face Harry hadn't seen since they'd been talking about the Skrewts. He was so busy silently laughing at his utter enthusiasm for this, and his friends clear indulgence as they were not so silently snickering at his clear interest at this, his memory pain from before was easily being put to rest for now.

He shook back his shaggy head and gave a shrieking cry like some monstrous bird.

"Oh!" Remus' smile didn't at all dim even as he clearly understood what was going on while Sirius nodded in the same way. "You're going to love this lesson Harry."

"Why's that?" He couldn't even pretend at uneasiness with how happy the both of them were. He glanced to his parents who both shrugged, they didn't recognize the noise.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, but then they both smirked and neither would tell Harry, though clearly sure of themselves Remus was right.

Hagrid did so three more times before stopping and smiling at a space between two gnarled trees where a pair of blank, white eyes were shining, and soon a dragonish face emerged followed by the skeletal body of a black winged horse.

Harry gasped in surprised pleasure while Lily and James grinned as well for finally getting the joke.

"You tossers," James happily scowled at the two, "you couldn't have just said it was Hagrid's way of calling the thestrals."

"Where would be the fun in that?" Sirius chuckled.

"It's not like we were one hundred percent sure," Remus batted his eyes innocently. "Kettleburn had to get Hagrid to bring one to our class in our last year, he'd only been trying to domesticate them only a few years previously and we only got to see the one, so we weren't positive that was how Hagrid got their attention."

"You both recognized that noise and you know it," Lily rolled her eyes at them while Harry was now bouncing eagerly in place. Even having these creatures explained to him already, he was still eager to finally have the memory returned from his own time, at least then Ron wouldn't think him crazy anymore.

It watched the class for a second before disregarding them and moving to the cow and eating.

Harry watched this in relief for a real answer of these things, looking eagerly to Ron, who was still looking everywhere else before uneasily asking why Hagrid had stopped calling for it?

Lily fidgeted with a bit of hair as the question occurred to her, but she didn't want to ask as it felt rude. Harry clearly had no restraints as he blurted the question. "Who's Hagrid seen die?"

"His dad," Sirius said, the smile beginning to dim as he recalled, "he explained that to us when he was leading out a rope with nothing on the other end."

"So you can't actually see them?" Harry said in surprise.

"I can now," entirely losing the smile now. "Couldn't then."

Harry felt bad for his question at once, glancing uneasily around and realizing they'd all be able to see them now just from the looks on their faces, and no longer had the courage to ask.

Most of the class were the same, except Neville who was watching with distaste at the gorging, and a Slytherin who was watching the swishing tail with unease.

"Oh," Lily murmured as she brushed her nails uneasily through her hair.

Remus and Sirius nodded without surprise though. Their classes hadn't even been as large as Harry's and half the class had been able to see them.

Two more arrived moments later, Hagrid turning to properly face the class and asking for those who could see them to raise their hand.

When Harry did, Hagrid nodded, saying he wasn't seriously surprised.

"How would he know whether I could or not," Sirius blurted out, then scowled at Remus when he pinched him, but then they all grinned as Harry again laughed at the joke.

Malfoy demanded what exactly were they supposed to be seeing?

For answer, Hagrid gestured again at the carcass. There was a beat of silence, before several people gasped in shock and took a step back. Harry supposed it would be an even stranger sight to watch bits of flesh being stripped away and then vanishing.

"Certainly an interesting experience," Remus chuckled.

Hagrid explained they were called thestrals, causing Hermione to oh in surprise.

"I wonder if you'd told her about this instead of Ron if she'd put it together?" James asked.

"Not sure, depends on if the books do or don't say what's pulling the carriages, otherwise I wouldn't really think she'd make this particular leap," Sirius shrugged.

"If Harry'd described them, I bet she would have," Remus defended.

Parvatie seemed even more alarmed at this, saying she'd been told they brought misfortune to those who could see them.

"That's just superstition, like Muggles and black cats," Sirius scoffed. James looked confused why such a thing would be a superstition, but decided against asking.

"I'm pretty sure by the time you do see them, you've been as unlucky as it's possible to be," Remus grumbled. 

Trelawney had told her-

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation.

but Hagrid cut her off to properly explain that was just a superstition. They were extremely clever. These didn't get any work besides pulling the schools carriages though, and occasionally Dumbledore asked to use one to fly somewhere when he didn't feel like apparating.

As he kept speaking more were arriving, one brushing past Parvati who squealed in alarm, though Hagrid insisted they had nothing to be afraid of. Then he asked the class why only some of them could see them?

Hermione raised her hand.

"Those who are surprised, please raise their hand," James rolled his eyes.

Once called on, she said it was because only those who had seen death had the ability.

Hagrid gave her ten points before stopping in confusion upon the hem, hem noise.

Sirius made a guttural noise in outrage, all too willing to feed this owl treat to the thestral, though she'd hardly be big enough to qualify as a snack.

Harry felt a funny little feeling rising in him, the idea of Umbridge in the Forest caused such a huge stirring in him that must be more significant than her studying one of Hagrid's classes...

Hagrid stopped in surprise. Never having heard this before, he looked to the nearest thestral in concern as if coming from it.

Remus threw his head back in laughter, probably a little too amused but unable to help himself.

When made again though,

Now the lot of them were giggling, still more at Remus' reaction.

Hagrid spotted her and greeted her still with a friendly tone.

She took no notice of this, speaking again in the loud voice as if he were slow.

Remus stopped laughing at that, but a smile lingered in place that gave Harry the creeps. He didn't usually find Remus that scary, ironically he found him the most open and friendliest as his dad and Sirius had this way of looking sometimes that made him want to duck for cover. Yet this wasn't the first time he'd seen evidence Remus could be the scariest one of all. It was clear in this instance that though he usually ducked away and tried to ignore what people thought of him though, he wasn't going to let anyone be thinking or doing anything like that around Hagrid.

Reminding him his inspection was today.

Hagrid agreed happily that she'd found the place, asking if she could see what they were doing today?

"Death is scarier than her face, so maybe," Sirius snapped.

Umbridge pretended as if she couldn't hear him, cupping her hand to her ear in confusion.

Lily's mouth popped open in outrage. She'd seen evidence of this the first time, but clearly the woman was going to keep putting on a show, and the thought of ringing her neck was clearly starting to look like a kindness.

Hagrid frowned in confusion as he began explaining thestrals, but as Umbridge kept the charade up, Hagrid flapped his hands and mimed horses hopefully.

Umbridge made a note on her clipboard about how he had to resort to sign language to communicate.

James spluttered with indignation and set the little table on fire, though he hadn't consciously pulled out his wand.

Harry scrambled for a moment to recall a spell to put it out, and Lily realized a moment later that anger wasn't her mind's manifestation but she really did have to wave her wand to vanish that.

Though they all had the understanding of why she was doing this to Hagrid, the fury it pushed them all to for treating him like this was just as bad as what Voldemort had been known to do. How could this horrid walking soulless monster claim to be anything else while treating him like that!

Hagrid clearly heard, but turned back to the class disoriented and tried to think back to what he'd been saying before her arrival.

She made a note of this as well, saying he had short term memory.

Lily wrapped her hands tight around James', both to still her own hands and his from setting anything else on fire.

Malfoy looked as though Christmas had come a month early;

"Great, I got his present all ready, hope he enjoys his new coffin," Sirius snarled.

Hermione, on the other hand, had turned scarlet with suppressed rage.

"She's far more restraint than us," Remus said flatly. "I'd have already given her a fat lip for starters."

Hagrid gave her another uneasy look before ploughing on back to patting the first to arrive, a male named Tenebrus-

"That was the one he brought to your class?" Harry tried valiantly to keep up any tone that didn't promise murder.

"Yep." The one word answer from Remus was not encouraging.

but Umbridge cut him off to ask if he was aware the Ministry classified Thesterals as dangerous?

"They classify anything more than a kelpie dangerous," Sirius' lip curled in disgust, shifting protectively towards Remus, who for once was so angry on someone' else's behalf he hardly recognized the intended slur against him.

Hagrid only chuckled, saying they weren't anything of the sort. Sure they may take a bite at you if you annoy them-

Umbridge made another comment on her notes about how he clearly enjoyed violence.

"Well I guess we all share that trait, and she's perfected it," Lily hissed.

Causing Hagrid to start looking anxious as he corrected a dog would do the same if put in that spot, but thestrals just had a bad reputation.

Remus sighed heavily. He would have quite enjoyed chatting about this, he found it a great way to put into perspective many misunderstood creatures, but as that woman would be classified as more dangerous than a dragon to him, now didn't seem the time.

Umbridge did not respond to that, but instead continued miming out her actions for him too obviously while saying she was going to start asking the students questions and he should continue.

Sirius was white knuckling the book by the end of this, never having been more tempted in his life to turn into Padfoot for the act of revenge from this woman being eaten by a creature. He'd never envisioned using his animal as anything more than a friend to Moony, but this woman managed to taint something he'd only ever seen as a good side of himself.

Hagrid stared at her, clearly at a complete loss to understand why she was acting as though he did not understand normal English.

"It's almost kinder this way, more deniability later when he claims not to know anything about her murder of being strung up in a tree," James huffed.

Hermione had tears of fury in her eyes.

Lily was close to that urge as well, and she couldn't even act on it, so she almost envied Hermione as well as wanted to snap at her to get on with setting her on fire.

Hagrid tried to keep his flow, but was again distracted by Umbridge turning to Pansy and asking how well she understood Hagrid?

James's hands were shaking in fury underneath Lily's grip. He couldn't believe Hagrid was letting this woman do this to him. Then again, he'd also been letting Malfoy get away with this for the past two years. He couldn't comprehend why Hagrid wouldn't stand up for himself and tell this woman to shove that clipboard up her arse.

Like Hermione, Pansy had tears in her eyes, though these were of mirth. Her answer was almost incoherent from her suppressed giggling.

Somewhere in there was a fascinating parallel between these two girls, but it was too clouded with anger from everyone else to be paid much mind by anyone who would.

She still half managed to say no, it mostly sounded like grunting. Umbridge made a note of this while Hagrid flushed beneath his bruises but refused to let himself stall again, telling the class

At least Remus still had the clarity of mind to acknowledge this as the correct response rather than wanting to drown her in a pile of dung like he still wanted to.

about their amazing sense of direction. Just tell them the place you wanted to go, and a thestral would get you there.

Harry felt a feeling buzzing at the back of his mind, frowning for a whole new reason that had a terrible connection to this scenario. In the Forbidden Forest, looking at Thestrals, needing some place to go...even Sirius reading was mounting that feeling into an actual panic at just trying to connect these dots, but then a warning sting had his eyes watering from the pain of thinking about this too long and he was forced to let the threads unravel again. The others were still too angry at what Umbridge was doing to have noticed this time.

Assuming they could understand you, Malfoy mocked loudly enough everyone heard. Umbridge smiled indulgently while Hagrid stumbled off with another blush.

Umbridge turned to Neville then and asked who'd he seen die?

Lily's face gained an extra blanch in fury, it seemed quite the miracle in itself Umbridge was managing to find every way possible to anger her.

Neville answered his grandfather, while Umbridge kept going without a care and asking what he thought of them?

Neville gave Hagrid an anxious look before saying they were okay.

Umbridge noted this by instead jotting down the students were too frightened to speak their mind.

"You're too stupid to realize how little time you have left to breathe," Sirius vowed.

Neville tried to correct her that wasn't it-

Lily made a guttural noise that was probably meant to be sympathetic if it had been less angry.

but Umbridge was now ignoring him as well.

She turned back and mimed one last time she'd send Hagrid his results,

"That wasn't an inspection," Lily howled furiously, "that was a persecution that should have been your execution!"

before leaving.

Hermione was hissing about that foul, lying, twisted old gargoyle,

"I'm running out of insults. Those weren't quite as bad as I was hoping for, but it's good Hermione's keeping it fresh," James seethed.

as they headed back to the castle thirty minutes later after class. Demanding of the two if they could see what she was up to.

"Certainly doesn't take a blind man," Remus huffed.

Answering for herself it was Umbridge's thing against half-breed's! She was going to treat Hagrid like a troll because of his giantess mother! It wasn't fair!

"Nothing in my life seems fair," Harry muttered to himself, his anger bleeding out into something far worse. He was getting scared. Now that Umbridge had come and gone with such a blatant abuse of her power, he couldn't help fearing what was going to happen to Hagrid because of it. She couldn't possibly find a way to send him back to Azkaban could she?

That hadn't even been a bad lesson!

Ron did remind that Umbridge had said they were dangerous.

James actually made the motion like he was going to smack Ron upside the head. "Since when does Ron take anything that lime toadstool says over Hagrid?"

"He was just arguing with Hermione, like he always does," Harry sighed, though he'd given Ron an affronted look for that too at the time.

Hermione impatiently explained it was just as Hagrid said, they were able to take care of themselves, in fact they were really interesting. She wished she could see them.

That cooled most of their anger. While right in line with Hermione's fury, she had no idea what she'd really just asked for, giving them all a moment of surprise. As mature as Hermione acted, they forgot sometimes these three were still only fifteen when this was happening.

Harry quietly asked her if she really did, and she looked suddenly horror struck.

Lily hummed with a small smile on her face, at least Hermione was always quick on the uptake, even her own mistakes.

She began apologizing, saying what a stupid thing that had been to say, but Harry told her to just move past it.

She did by saying in surprise how many could, three in one class.

"I envy the generation where that's the good news," James muttered.

Malfoy came upon them again to ask if Weasley would be able to see the Quaffle if he watched someone snuff it.

"Do you think he could see the Snitch better with two black eyes?" Sirius barked in fury.

He didn't wait for a response as he walked off laughing with his friends, Hermione telling them both to ignore him.

"I hate it when she tries that advice," Harry groaned. "It never actually makes me feel better."

"Doesn't usually stop you when you decide to retaliate either," Remus said grimly, "and this time seemed appropriate."

The holidays were approaching, and the castle was showing it. Ron and Hermione's prefect duties were becoming more demanding, Ron's commentary on them keeping Harry updated, such as the time he'd had to try putting up tinsel with Peeves on the other end trying to strangle him,

"A tradition in itself," Remus at least tried for a friendlier tone of voice, though Sirius still seemed too down to put his usual enthusiasm into the holiday. He supposed it was of some comfort Hagrid hadn't been kicked out of the castle his first day back though.

or when he'd had to watch over the first and second years on their break times and he complained they'd never been such cheeky snots at that age,

"Oh no, you were far worse, as you had more practice at home," James promised.

"He's not even speaking from experience with that one," Lily said with a faint smile, "believe it or not, he didn't give his parents as much hell as you'd think." She told Harry.

"Gave me more credibility when the teachers tried to tell my parents I did something, they thought I was an angel," James batted his eyes innocently while Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, properly informing Harry, "or they just indulged him and me too much not to think half the stunts we pulled weren't funny."

and of course having to do patrols with Filch who had dung for brains.

"Least some things never change," Lily said wistfully, and students complaining about Filch was always a common one.

Hermione had her own growing problems, worrying about all those poor elves she hadn't managed to free yet and were stuck here over Christmas.

Sirius frowned at the pages, having some real questions for Hermione about all this. Did she really think she was releasing elves, and the castle wouldn't be showing it? That someone wouldn't be investigating this even if her plan was working? Hermione could easily get into big trouble if she even was, he wouldn't be surprised if the Ministry charged her with theft and all sorts of things. He left all of that to himself though, since she wasn't doing a thing, and instead was distantly amused at her worrying over something so foolish to him.

Harry, who had not had the heart to tell her that Dobby was taking everything she made,

"I can see the pro's of that," James chuckled.

"Though I still think that could have been an educational moment for her," Remus frowned.

"Only if she'd listened and realized the way she should have," Lily disagreed, "and I'm not entirely sure she would have yet, if ever," she finished with a fond smile for the girls tenacity.

bent further over his essay so she didn't have to see his face. He wasn't particularly looking forward to this holiday, as for the first time since he'd been here he wanted to spend it away from Hogwarts.

Sirius couldn't help but perk up with interest at that. He hadn't thought about it too much last year, enjoying himself in provoking Harry in the mix of his Yule Ball failings, but now he wondered just what he'd been up to last year at this time. Had he and Remus finally managed to regain one of their own traditions and spent the holiday together? Or had he spent it alone in that old cave with Buckbeak, wondering if Harry would make an appearance and amuse him by ignoring his rules by coming out of the castle to see him.

Between his ban on Quidditch and his worry about Hagrid he was feeling far more resentful than the holiday spirit of this place.

"I don't even blame you," Remus sighed in agreement, thinking the Burrow would be a relief even with Molly and Sirius in one place compared to this storm of a castle.

The only thing he ever looked forward to anymore were the DA meetings, and those would have to stop over break as nearly all the members were going home. Hermione was going skiing,

James opened his mouth curiously in confusion, but Harry promised Hermione explained it to Ron.

which she'd explained to Ron's confusion about how Muggles strapped narrow boards to their feet to go down a mountain.

James's eyes widened in even more confusion and perhaps a little concern at this idea, before Lily began giggling without restraint and promising James it was in fact great fun. Though never having had the pleasure of doing this herself, she was now promising him they could do this together and he would never turn down such an offer.

Ron was going home to the Burrow, and Harry endured several days of envy before asking Ron how he'd be leaving and Ron mentioning in surprise Harry was coming with him, his mum had told him so weeks ago.

Lily snorted and shook her head in exasperation while the boys all chuckled at what they'd felt was implied by this point.

Harry brightened at once at the idea, but somehow felt all the more guilty as he thought of Sirius. He wondered if he could persuade Molly to invite his godfather over.

"But of course she will," James looked scandalized anyone could think otherwise. "Even she couldn't have the heart to leave him alone in that place, I've been half hoping he's been sneaking over to the Burrow just to get some air now and again."

Sirius grinned at his best mate for the overly protective words that he wasn't convinced were true. It was impossible to imagine his life without James, but he had the nasty feeling he was hardly up for leaving his bed to sulk anywhere that wasn't the fireplace in hopes for someone to be around being in that place all alone. He doubted his spark of life would lead him into doing something like James suggested being in that mood, he'd need one of his friends around to give that back to him.

Even though he doubted Dumbledore would permit Sirius to leave Grimmauld Place anyway,

"Dumbledore needs to stop having a say in everything," Remus snapped hatefully. He never in his life would have thought he'd say any such thing, but regarding Sirius being locked away in that place he knew would always be an exception. Just the thought of it was putting a damper on his lively friend!

he couldn't just think of leaving Sirius alone with Kreacher.

Sirius tried for laughter at the idea, but it came out too twisted. None of the others refused to even nurse the idea, there was just no chance Molly was that cold hearted. No matter her feelings about Sirius' personality, even if she did value Dumbledore's rules as an absolute law, she must see what that place was doing to Sirius! No mother could look at him and think what was happening to him was in any way good for him!

Harry arrived in the Room of Requirements for the last DA meeting early, and was glad he had, as Dobby had taken to decorating for the holiday.

"Naw!" Lily cooed at how sweet that was, while the boys just looked confused at such an odd gesture.

"How could you tell it was Dobby though?" James asked in surprise.

"Who else knows where this place is?" Sirius returned with a shrug, all of them missing the slightly appalled but vaguely amused look on Harry's face.

He'd known at once it was the house-elf, because nobody else would string up so many baubles that said 'Have a Very Harry Christmas!' with his face on it.

Sirius blinked slowly at this for a moment, before he tossed his head back in laughter, and began sliding down the couch with mirth. It might have been a touch forced at first, to ease away the bitter taint of thinking of his future again, but now he couldn't seem to stop. Harry wasn't particularly delighted to see no one was exactly trying to get him to either, but rather suppressing their own laughter.

Harry tugged the book away without remorse and kept going loudly over Sirius, who quickly recovered and tackled Harry, pinned him down and easily snatched the book back, sat on it and continued snickering to himself until he decided he was done before going on all while Harry rolled his eyes affectionately at his godfather. Moments like this making him truly feel sad for his own future, that he had no recollection of ever seeing Sirius this happy and full of life, and growing more worried all the time he never would.

Harry had only just managed to get the last of them down

"Why on Earth would you do such a thing, ruining his hard work!" Remus demanded still a bit breathlessly.

Harry just scowled at him without response.

when Luna came in and saw all of them in his hand, asking if he'd put them up.

Harry said no, it had been Dobby a house-elf.

"At least you acknowledged somebody else's work," Lily said through still wobbling lips.

Luna pointed out a few decorations he'd missed, such as mistletoe.

"I think you brought that one on yourself, not being the first thing you took down," Remus told him lightly while Sirius and James fell into renewed giggles.

Harry jumped away from that at once, Luna nodding seriously that was a good idea, it was known to be infested with Nargles.

Little tears of mirth were pouring out of Sirius' eyes, he'd hardly stopped giggling for a line in between getting all this out and this was only making things worse. He didn't yet have his voice back to properly make his joke, but that didn't stop him from trying, though it only came out a garbled mess that the others just shook their heads at, Harry almost looking disappointed when he kept going without repeating himself sensibly.

Harry was saved the necessity of asking what Nargles are by the arrival of Angelina, Katie and Alicia.

"Well now you're just disappointing me," Remus pouted, "I'd have loved for you to ask anyways."

"I'm sorry," Harry actually sounded like he meant it.

All three still had snow in their hair and were shaking their limbs from cold as Angelina announced he'd been replaced,

All of James' humor was wiped clean, looking like he'd been sucker punched in the gut for that reminder. Sirius too lost his sense of fun for the reminder of why no more Quidditch practices had been mentioned, that dower look on his pup could never be funny.

by Ginny Weasley.

"Well, well, well," Lily said in surprises, all the boys looking marginally impressed it was another Weasley to have made the team. Harry's reaction was a brilliant smile, like a proud sibling, but not quite right, Lily couldn't help but notice. He didn't seem at all agitated like she would have thought of learning of his replacement, and she frowned in thought as he began twirling the ring upon his finger yet again...

"I'm not surprised," Sirius smirked in some form of congratulations someone had taken this away from his pup. "Her whole family's got talent, it's only natural she'd get a portion!"

"Do we know if Percy is any good at the sport?" Remus said curiously.

"More important matters, who's broom was she using?" James pondered.

"Not Ron's, he's still using his," Sirius thought out.

"I may have guessed the twins if-" Remus began bitterly, but Harry cut in with an enthusiastic smile.

"I think it was the twins, or I mean, I think the twins bought her a broom, called it an early Christmas gift." He thought back to watching Ginny enthusiastically thanking the twins for something anyways.

"Oh, that was so sweet," Lily enthused.

"Wish they'd thought of that over the dress robes for Ron, but it is good to see them doing so much for their siblings," James fondly agreed.

Harry gaped in surprise as Angelina said she was pretty good, though not her first choice, but they couldn't have him... she trailed off with a dirty look at Harry.

The boys hardly noticed a thing about Harry's lack of the proper reaction he should have had, they were to belligerent for him he wasn't the one on the team and now Angelina wasn't helping anything.

Harry bit back his retort, did Angelina really think he wouldn't rather be there?

"Thank you!" Sirius barked, waving his hand impractically in Harry's face like he'd been saying the same thing in here, though he still had that funny smile in place. The thought had been crossing his mind frequently enough before he relearned Ginny's ability in Quidditch, and this seemed oddly significant to him for some reason...

He asked about the Beaters for a change of subject, and they were Jack Sloper and Andrew Kirkie, neither with much promising talent. Other members began showing up, saving Harry from further response so he didn't have to keep seeing Angelina's reproachful looks.

James scowled and shifted in agitation, thinking that earned Angelina a dung bomb under her bed for this repeated offense against his son. A little sympathy wouldn't kill her.

Harry began by telling them they'd only be reviewing today, no sense in starting something new right before a three-week break.

Sirius sighed, but didn't want to linger on anymore bad, they'd had enough of that already, so picked back up a chipper enough tone while telling Harry, "yet more evidence you took your learning smarts from Moony. Everybody loves the teacher that doesn't assign holiday work like practice."

Sirius' smirk widened as he managed to make Harry and Remus bluster with appreciation for the praise at once.

Zacharias became disgruntled at once, wishing loudly someone had told him there wasn't anything new, he wouldn't have come.

"Well then someone should have informed him," James rolled his eyes with regret.

Fred shot back he was sorry Harry hadn't told him then.

James whooped with delight, beating Sirius to his own joke when saying, "yes, I mimicked a twin, I win!"

"Win what exactly?" Sirius demanded with his own grin.

"Not sure, I'll let you know though," James promised.

"How about the right to tell Sirius he can't make that dumb joke anymore," Remus offered.

"You can make that yours," James waved off, his eyes lighting with something Harry had grown to associate with a Marauder story, "I think I've got something better."

Sirius met his eyes with a challenging stare of his own, going on without fear.

They broke off into the usual pairs and began going over some old spells, Harry doing a few with Neville before breaking off and passing around. When he got near Cho she beamed at him, and he had to resist the urge not to simply hover near her.

"Aw man, you mean she stopped trying to improvise her spell work around you?" Sirius smirked at Harry. "Also, I'm growing disappointed in you pup, I haven't heard one instance of you encouraging those private lessons she so clearly needed."

"Can my reward for not strangling him please be he stop making those jokes," Harry begged his father.

"I would never, this is an endless source of amusement," James snickered while Harry turned pleading eyes to his mum, who could only offer him sympathy at this point.

By the end Harry was swelling with pride as he watched their progress in comparison to the start of this group. Neville's spell only hit Dean rather than his target, a much closer miss than normal!

Harry let Sirius' teasing go, he couldn't seem to hold anything other than pride for those around him, his friends doing so well. He honestly believed they could have been just as great under any tutelage, he already knew they were all capable as Remus had been the start to them all understanding the work needed to go into this class.

Harry called a halt after an hour and told they were doing so well, when they got back he'd even start teaching them Patronuses.

"Ooh," Lily grinned, "now you're getting advanced."

"They've all caught up to all the spells I knew," Harry's smile increased at the idea, ignoring that pesky feeling about something regarding that for-coming lesson. "That was the last one I had preplanned, and it's a really difficult one."

"I know you'll get them through it without a problem," James said like this was obvious. "I am a bit curious how you plan to do it though."

"Hopefully he just starts with getting the spell down first for them, he doesn't need the extreme measures he had to go through, he can build up to that later." Remus offered with a small frown, no one wanted to hear of Harry around anymore dementors, even the boggart kind.

There was an air of excitement as they all left in the usual groups, most shouting a Happy Christmas to Harry as they departed. Harry hung back as Ron and Hermione left though, still hoping to receive one from Cho.

"Uh hu, and maybe a little something more," Sirius persisted, Harry's face turning a stunning new shade of red the others hadn't quite seen before. His memory was raising a flag of warning already for whatever was fixing to happen, and he had the desire to take the book away from Sirius again for a whole new reason.

He realized she was the last one left when she waved Marietta to go on and Harry felt a jolt go through him.

James wolf whistled while Harry pleaded with the ceiling to cave in.

He was watching all this from the corner of his eye as he pretended to straighten something, when he heard a distinctive sniff. He turned in surprise to see Cho standing in the middle of the room crying.

"Wow Harry, you got her crying before you even did anything, that's got to be a new record, even better than myself if you can believe it- ouch!"

Remus whacked Sirius upside the head to get him to stop while Lily's face folded with sympathy. She'd been fixing to snap at both boys to quit picking on her son for this already, now she realized Cho wasn't even trying to make a move back, but looking for sympathy, and she really hoped Harry at least tried to help rather than running for the hills like James' slightly panicky look showed he wanted to now do.

He didn't know what to do. She was simply standing there, crying silently.

Lily rubbed at her temple, confounded how his automatic reaction wasn't to go to her, wrap his arm around her in comfort, ask if she wanted to talk about it or if she simply just needed a shoulder. She knew not all boys were as dunce as hers, but they certainly acted like it sometimes.

Instead he feebly asked her what was up?

Sirius couldn't help a snort of surprise, which he immediately regretted as Lily gave him a blistering look and Remus nudged him hard in warning not a second before he'd done it.

Cho stammered out some kind of apology while saying she'd just been wondering if he'd known all this if he'd still be alive.

"Oh," Sirius whispered like a deflated balloon. There went any humor he could have offered.

Harry felt his heart sink down into his intestines. She wanted to talk about Cedric.

Lily gave a heavy sigh in understanding. Cho was looking for someone who'd been close to Cedric like she had, someone to understand what she was going through on her level, and Harry really was the closest person to that, and yet the worst one. Harry had his friends to talk to about this, even Sirius, but not on the same level Cho was seeking. She no longer could imagine the two together anymore if this was how Cho was going to start trying reciprocating feelings for Harry, she couldn't even imagine this turning out well for the two poor souls in this moment.

He still told her Cedric had known all this, he couldn't have made it to the Cup if he hadn't, but once Voldemort wanted you dead you didn't stand a chance.

Harry was starting to look a little green from being forced to remember this again all while the bubbling sensation of being around Cho alone.

She hiccupped at the sound of Voldemort's name, but kept his eyes as she whispered he'd survived as a baby.

Harry defended while moving towards the door,

Remus couldn't help feeling something cracking at his jaw for that, maybe a smile, as he all too easily envisioned anyone running for the door after seeing a crying girl.

no one knew why that was, it wasn't something he boasted.

Harry met Lily's eyes, the flash of understanding present in the whole room, why Harry wouldn't share how he did know some of the answer to this with just anyone. He'd never even told if he'd shared with this Ron and Hermione, and no one was going to ask.

Cho suddenly realized where Harry was heading and asked him not to leave, again apologizing for this.

Harry tragically stayed in place, thinking he'd have been much happier with just a Merry Christmas.

"Right, it's all her fault bringing this up, we're all in agreement," James was babbling uneasily until Lily nudged him to get him to stop, they all just wanted to change the subject.

Cho admitted she realized this must be hard for Harry, she supposed he just wanted to forget about it all.

He did, but it felt heartless saying so.

"Not heartless," Lily promised him at once. "It's natural love, I promise."

"Does it get better?" The whisper escaped him before the question had even formed in his head. No one had the heart to lie to him and pretend it did, but the full range of that answer couldn't just be covered in a quick chat. Lily had been asked the question though, and she would never just not answer him.

"With the right people around you, you can learn to live around it."

He seemed to relax under her words, his smile easing as he glanced out the window, into nothing really but his own memories. For a while he'd almost selfishly wished he hadn't gained these back, had almost entertained the idea he'd done this to himself on purpose for some ease of a better life, but the peace settling over him at her words convinced him on the spot he could never do such a thing, because she was right.

Cho changed to saying what a good teacher Harry was, and Harry awkwardly thanked her.

"This whole thing is awkward," Sirius muttered, wishing he could skip a few pages already, no amount of mocking Harry at his crush was worth this ball of pain seeing his pup so miserable at the reminder of Cedric.

Harry felt torn in half, his desire to run from the room still prevalent while his feet had no ability to do so.

"Girls," James muttered in agreement. How they managed to cause a never ending conflict inside was their own source of magic.

Cho was coming closer to him now, pointing at another bushel of mistletoe.

"Uh oh," Remus hummed under his breath.

Harry's mouth was going dry, he said the first thing that came to mind, it probably had Nargles in it.

"That's what you lead with eh?" James couldn't help but ask as Harry's face grew steadily more red. He wasn't mocking though, Harry was surprised to hear, more watching him with indulgent curiosity to see how this played out.

She asked what those were, and Harry deflected he hadn't a clue, she'd have to ask Luna.

"I'd have thought it was obvious, you should never bring up another girl at a time like this," Sirius pleasantly informed Harry, who seemed to have lost all ability to speak in here as his mind couldn't grasp anything else now. They'd stopped talking about Cedric, he should be grateful, but oh he'd never wanted to see their reaction to Cho being so close to him!

Cho was almost nose to nose with him now, he could count her eyelashes...

He returned to the common room to find Hermione and Ron sitting by the fire,

Sirius suddenly felt cheated. Moments ago he'd been wanting to skip this just so Harry could at least have this private moment and he'd have much more fun speculating and poking fun at his pup, but now the book actually had gone and cut this off! He even tried to check if pages had been stuck together before giving up and looking to Harry hopefully, demanding, "alright, out with it, what happened next?"

Harry sat there for a long time with a such a look of shock they wouldn't have been that surprised if he'd just announced he'd lost all his memories again for realizing what had just happened. The words that came out didn't even seem to be attached to him. "She kissed me."

Harry hardly registered the whoop of joy from his father or the enthusiastic pat Sirius was giving him, it was hard to think past much of anything really. At fifteen he'd felt more elated than he ever had in his life while also so infinitely confused because of what she'd done after the fact. He couldn't quite bring himself to string those words together yet. All at the same time, some very distant part of his mind was shaking its head at his past, not quite in disapproval, but not exactly happiness either. It took him several more moments than it should have to realize that Sirius was going to keep going.

While clearly happy for him, there was something about this reaction they couldn't put down all to shock. His smile was oddly detached, something clearly lingering in him showing this wouldn't stay a happy memory for long. This couldn't then be the first kiss between him and his future wife, or if it was then something really interesting must happen in between times.

both writing, but Hermione's was clearly a letter so long it was dangling off the table.

Lily started giggling uncontrollably while none of the Marauders even seemed to be giving this a passing thought. They were all ignoring her, thinking it was for an entirely different reason.

Ron was on the hearth doing Transfiguration homework, but both looked up upon his entrance and asked what had taken him so long.

Harry couldn't decide what to say. Half of him wanted to tell them,

"I get the feeling you're not going to get a choice," James said, watching Sirius impatiently to see if what they all knew had happened, really had! This was Harry's first kiss after all, and Harry was still acting too wide eyed to give them much to go on in here.

the other half wanted to take the secret to the grave.

"I honestly can't blame you, considering company," Remus snickered. James and Sirius were acting like this was his Quidditch team announcement and Lily hadn't stopped giggling for several moments, he couldn't imagine Ron and Hermione would react much better when they found out.

Both asked if he was alright, had something happened?

"It's a touch sad by those reactions they're assuming it was something bad," Lily managed to get out, trying to compose herself and stop laughing at Harry's face and her husbands proud smile.

Harry had just decided he wasn't going to tell them anything when Hermione took matters into her own hands,

"I think I'm actually grateful for it this time," Sirius agreed with a touch of impatience, Harry wasn't helping anything in here, they needed a bossy hand.

by asking if Cho had kissed him.

"Hermione needs to read a book on subtlety," Sirius snorted.

"Like you'd be any better," Remus rolled his eyes.

Ron sat up so fast he spilled his bottle of ink while Hermione watched Harry with a slight frown, until he finally nodded.

"Why's she frowning?" That caught Lily's attention.

"Not for the reason you're thinking," Harry told her, blinking slightly and clearly coming back to hear to glance at her with a still benign smile. Whatever had been bothering his mind before had clearly passed for now, and he was willing to at least semi laugh along with whatever they were. "There's nothing between us, I swear." He was now more sure of that than ever.

Lily nodded without surprise, just confusion at the reaction.

Ron gave his friend a triupmhent first pump and began rolling on the floor laughing.

"Padfoot did much the same," James huffed. "Wouldn't believe me for ages I'd finally gotten her to kiss me until she did it in front of him."

"Can you blame me?" Sirius said without remorse. "You'd been going on for ages it was going to happen, woken up from enough dreams convinced it had-"

He ducked as James chucked a pillow at him to get him to stop, but now Sirius wanted to keep going remorselessly because of that until Remus nudged him and reminded, "let's focus on one at a time for now."

Sirius sighed but acquitted.

Hermione gave Ron a look of deep disgust and returned to her letter.

"Ah," Lily finally said in understanding.

"It's not that bad, just because Hermione didn't laugh along doesn't mean she needs to think him childish," James rolled his eyes while Lily pressed her lips together to hide a smile.

Ron came back to himself enough to ask how it was?

Harry considered for a moment before saying wet.

Cue four collective snorts of laughter, Lily couldn't help herself.

Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard to tell.

Harry wished it were harder to tell in here.

Harry clarified it was because she was crying.

"That's what she gets for bringing up what she did before she started this," Remus sighed.

Lily was watching Harry critically now, hoping he'd been kind to Cho after all that.

Ron's smile faded a bit as he asked if Harry was that bad at kissing?

Sirius was becoming unintelligible, his voice wobbling as he fought to keep reading around his laughter at Ron's conclusion.

Harry felt his own worry begin as he suddenly wondered the same thing.

"I don't think that's determinable from one peck-" Remus began with a light smile before he was cut off by James' scoff of disbelief.

"Not my son!"

Lily smacked him upside the head.

Hermione scoffed of course he wasn't while going back to her letter.

"Know this from experience does she?" Sirius couldn't resist poking even having expected Harry's eye roll.

Ron demanded how she knew, while Hermione explained Cho spent all her time crying. At meals, in the loo.

"Merlin, you'd think she'd run out of tears," James was starting to look a little frightened at such a thing occurring while Lily smacked him harder. James rubbed at the spot but was suddenly a bit happy that Harry wasn't more enthusiastic, and defensive, of this. If this was Harry's future wife, he'd start to feel a little worried about this.

Ron said he'd think a bit of snogging would cheer her up, while Hermione called him the most insensitive wart she'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

"Hermione is so eloquent," Lily chuckled.

"I don't see anything wrong with what he said," Sirius grinned, while Lily scowled at him and considered parting some of Hermione's wisdom on him specifically, not that it would do him any good.

Ron asked what she meant by that.

"I found it fairly obvious actually," Remus pointed out.

Harry desperately asking who cried while they were kissing?

"Didn't you take the time to ask her, try to talk to her?" Lily tried to keep the accusation out of her voice.

"I mean, she kind of just took off after the fact, I kind of patted her on the shoulder for a quick moment," Harry struggled and ultimately gave up trying to explain himself as Lily's brows kept rising.

Hermione looked at the pair with exasperation before asking didn't they understand how Cho was feeling?

They both said no together.

Lily rubbed at her temple even while she was thanking the universe for her son having a friend like Hermione.

Hermione set down her quill and began the list of things she knew were upsetting Cho, like her now crush on Harry could be an insult to Cedric's memory and everything that entailed, plus she was performing so bad in her school and Quidditch lately because of all these feelings her place on her house team could be compromised.

"Bloody hell, the girl sounds like a train wreck!" James said, actually yelping in pain at how hard Lily smacked him that time.

"A little sensitivity dear," Lily said acidly.

"It's not like I said it to her face," James defended.

"Has Cho and Hermione been having secret conversations where she learned all this?" Sirius demanded as he kept looking at that list of things.

Lily groaned and rolled her eyes in exasperation, she really needed to go hang out with Alice when this was all over.

"Just be grateful she didn't try to say all that in one breath," Remus remembered from her first appearance.

Both boys sat in stunned silence after that little speech before Ron declared one person couldn't feel all that, they'd explode.

"Honestly," Sirius agreed. He hadn't even found that many of those things that complicated, why was Cho making such a big deal of them.

"Apparently it's even affecting her Quidditch abilities, I think the girl needs some time off to sort herself out," James said with a touch of sympathy, and an apologetic look at Lily, who decided that was as close as he was going to get to understanding that heaping mess.

Hermione told him just because he had the emotional range of a teaspoon didn't mean everyone did.

"Well that's hardly fair," Sirius couldn't help but defend, "Ron's been through some stuff as well, doesn't necessarily mean he can compare and understand how she's feeling."

Lily looked to him in surprise, thinking that had almost been some form understanding on Sirius' part.

Harry said he hadn't known any of that, she'd just started crying all over him and he hadn't known what to do, Ron saying he didn't blame his mate.

"No one really can," Remus agreed, even Lily was shifting anxiously as she wasn't sure of the right thing to say to Cho, one of her real friends would have been better like that Marietta.

Hermione asked if he was at least nice to her, and Harry defended he'd patted her on the back a bit.

Hermione looked as though she was restraining herself from rolling her eyes with difficulty.

"She's more restraint than most," James grinned slightly, as Lily herself lost the fight and did just that.

Then Hermione asked if he was going to see her again, and Harry said he didn't have much of a choice, she was still a DA member.

"That's not what she meant and you know it," James scolded.

"No, not really," Harry said with such a sincere face James believed him, and shook his head at his poor son who kept looking around for some kind of answer no one was going to give him. Then it was clear by the look on his face he'd gotten it, and his face flushed anew as clearly his mind was wandering off.

Harry's mind suddenly set in a whirlwind of being alone with Cho, who may actually be happy and not crying, and his stomach clenched painfully.

Ron asked what if Harry hadn't wanted to ask her out?

"That's fair," Remus agreed, "for all she knew, Harry might not have wanted her to kiss him."

"Well he did, and now he has, so the question is what he's going to do with this next," Sirius said, looking curiously to Harry, who gave no indication he'd heard, and then back to the book curiously.

Hermione told him he was being silly, Harry'd had a crush on her for ages.

"I want to know when she started to notice," Harry muttered. She'd made it clear she knew at the Hog's Head, but how long before then? How long had Cho been planning this? Was he already making a fool of himself by not having done something ages before now! His mind was bubbling with too many questions, and it suddenly slammed into him his real circumstances. At the time, he'd have been aching to write to someone about this, more than likely was going to bring it up to Sirius on his holiday visit...but now he actually did have his dad he could ask. His parents real advice, if he'd so chosen... but for some reason he just couldn't put his finger on, not about Cho...

Harry didn't deny this, but he was certainly feeling wrong footed now after Cho had spent so long crying into his shoulder.

"Oh I'm sure she won't be like that forever," Remus tried to say sympathetically, but he was still too amused by his friend for that to have quite come off right.

Ron changed the subject by asking Hermione who she was writing that novel to.

She simply said Viktor, Ron asking Krum in shock?

Hermione said did they know any other Viktors?

"You know, I actually don't right off the top of my head," Sirius looked honestly disappointed he couldn't mock Hermione for that.

"What a wasted moment," James agreed with a sigh.

Ron finally turned back to his homework disgruntled, leaving Harry to his silent thoughts. He watched the fireplace instead, suddenly wishing Sirius' head would appear there and give him some advice about girls.

James looked like he'd been sucker punched in the gut, again. Who knew that all those years later, Sirius' joke would turn into Harry's only option. It hadn't occurred to him yet this was where Harry's thoughts would head, but of course that made logical sense, no matter how scandalized it made him feel. He glanced over and saw Sirius looking a bit shamefaced to have read that, while Harry was frowning at him and clearly wanting to apologize. James shook his head though, refusing both of them for something neither could help.

Hermione called it a night not too much later, the boys heading up to their own silent dorm, Ron muttering about what she saw in Krum?

"An impartial friend," Lily said with an eye roll. Though it had never been confirmed, she hardly thought Hermione had the time to both travel to Bulgaria over the summer to visit him, and be so in touch with the Order as she'd clearly been.

Harry considered it for a moment before remembering how much older than them he was, and an international Quidditch player.

"Harry, you are not helping!" Sirius said as dramatically as possible, biting his tongue to stop himself adding that Ron would probably pop by and see him as well during break now, though more likely he'd go see his own dad, or maybe one of his brothers.

Ron pretended he hadn't heard while saying the guy was grumpy.

Harry agreed very grouchy, his mind still on Cho.

"There's the proper response," Remus said, looking uneasily between the crackling tension that James and Sirius were suddenly trying to pretend didn't exist. It's not like either of them could help it, neither blamed the other for the circumstances and both would do anything to change them, leaving both completely unaware what was even needed apologizing for.

They slipped into bed silently, the rest of their doormats already asleep. Harry left the hangings around his bed open so he could stare out the window, thinking back and wondering how he'd have felt if just twenty-four hours ago he'd realize he'd be kissing Cho Chang.

"You'd probably have vomited from stress," Sirius told Harry, then suddenly frowned as he watched a bead of sweat trace down his face. Harry was suddenly looking sickly pale, a white hot pain resting on his mind of some memory fixing to return. He'd been far too distracted from Cho and now Sirius and James to notice the oncoming warning signs like before, but they were there now. The tightening of pain around his consciousness, his breaths starting to go shallow. He couldn't sense any oncoming pain though, which meant this would be something even worse...

Sirius exchanged a slightly panicky look with the others, but no one needed to tell him what he already knew. Harry couldn't say what was suddenly making him look so panicky, and the only way to find out was to keep going. Yet just by the look on Harry's face, Sirius suddenly knew he'd rather be doing anything else in the world. He could never do that though, leave Harry in such sickening dispense, so he took a deep breath and forced himself to keep going with the same enthusiasm as before. Harry was going to bed after all, nothing was going to happen to him in his dormitory, they had a bit of time...

He thought about Hermione's explanation, but she'd somehow made this all feel more complicated.

Lily opened her mouth wearily, she wanted to keep talking about this, chat with her son and offer up some more advice, but James wrapped a reassuring arm around her waist and she at once acknowledged that delaying whatever was plaguing her son wouldn't make the blow any better.

He decided he wished Hogwarts offered a class on how girls' brains worked, that would be more useful than Divination.

James gave an uneasy laugh that echoed oddly in the room, all of them sitting tensed as if waiting for a snake to strike. Harry's shaking and pain filled expression promised something bad was coming.

He slipped into an uneasy dream, back in the DA room with Cho accusing him of being there under false pretences. He'd apparently promised her a thousand Chocolate Frog Cards like Cedric always gave her, but he couldn't give them to her. Hermione appeared and said he had promised, and since he couldn't, he should give her his Firebolt instead.

Sirius spluttered in indignation, even as a dream he couldn't imagine saying such a ludicrous thing and he turned to grin at Harry, wanting to see his pup go back to normal for just a second and be outraged at the idea as well, but he was so focused on something that he couldn't understand it was as if Sirius wasn't even there. Yet the tense set of his shoulders made it clear he was still aware enough, waiting for the blow to start.

The dream changed . . .

Remus was picking at his sleeve just for something to do that wasn't waiting for this horrible news, plucking at a loose thread that would soon create another hole he'd have to patch and he didn't care. So long as he kept focusing on that, his mind couldn't go wild and create some horrid scenario that surely they must just be exaggerating, that look on Harry's face didn't necessarily mean...

He was in a long dark corridor with a locked down at the end. His body flew smooth against the floor, everything was vibrant colors around him. He tasted the air with caution and scented the man stirring on the floor. His impulse was to bite, but his work was too important. He tried to continue on, but then the man fully awoke, and he had no choice, he lunged and felt warm blood, now everywhere as the man fell back again, the blood was everywhere, and his forehead hurt terribly...

Sirius had managed to get through that by reading as if yet another odd dream of no significance, because none of that had made a lick of sense. That had sounded like, a snake maybe? It was attacking someone, but obviously Harry was just having some vivid nightmare, maybe about the basilisk or anything else, he couldn't wrap his head around another alternative.

Then he looked to Harry, hoping for some sign of relief, that this nightmare had just scared the dickens out of a young kid like so many others had, but he knew. He was stark white, his mouth had flopped open and his face etched with horror all while his hand pressed into his scar as if holding his head together.

"Harry, Harry breathe." Lily pressed her hands to either side of his face, stroking his wet cheeks and refusing to let go as he kept shaking.

"I, what did I do?! He's dead-"

"No!"

The word crackled like electricity through his mind, he should know that voice, believe that word, but it was impossible. He was trapped between a memory and a fear, it was all his fault!

The book had fallen out of Sirius' sweat slicked hand, but he lunged back for it and began flipping wildly through the pages. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing, he had to know what was wrong with Harry, and he couldn't think of any other way to force him out of this state than to find out what really had happened.

Someone was screaming his name, there was a poker pressed against his forehead, but nothing seemed real until he rolled to the side and vomited.

In some wild part of his mind, Remus had to guess Harry hadn't done that yet simply because he wasn't yet aware enough of his own body. He was still trapped in a limbo of what was and an impossibility that he couldn't rationalize.

Ron was there though, asking what was wrong, and Harry forced himself to breathe past the pain, he had to tell him.

James felt useless just standing there, only on his feet by sheer willpower of hovering over his son when he was so vulnerable despite his shaking limbs. He couldn't do anything, Lily wasn't getting through to him, and no matter how much he kept whispering to Harry they just weren't getting a reaction.

Ron's dad had been attacked.

"No," Lily snarled, her hands tightening around Harry as he began shaking in place, somehow, impossibly, his fright growing by the second. Her sharp green eyes wouldn't leave his face, but Sirius could still feel their intensity spurring him on.

It was serious, there was blood everywhere.

For the first time in his life Sirius didn't even seem to realize he'd said his own name, he couldn't think of anything else but getting to the damned part where Harry realized that wasn't true, it couldn't be. It just wasn't possible, because nothing was adding up. Harry hadn't seen that, he hadn't done it, it just had to be a dream, and he'd realize that any second!

Someone far off said they were going for help, but Harry hardly registered the words, insisting Ron understand even as his friend promised it was just a dream. Harry furiously told it had happened... he'd done it.

Lily recognized the change in his parlor just in time, but not fast enough as he managed to vomit on her as well as himself. She didn't let that stop her for one moment, as finally his lungs had returned to him, but now he was gasping so hard that whatever he was trying to say still held no intelligence. All they were sure of was that he believed that, and they weren't going to stop until they convinced him that wasn't a possibility.

Ron clearly didn't understand, telling Harry to relax, Neville had gone to get help.

Harry insisted it wasn't him they should be worried about, there was a huge snake, it had attacked Ron's dad.

Lily hadn't left his side while Remus banished the mess, still running her hands carefully though his hair, constantly whispering in his ear there was no way this was true of him, but it wasn't giving him any comfort; because he knew deep down there was a part of him that had done this.

He tried to get out of bed but Ron pushed him back into it; Dean and Seamus were whispering somewhere nearby.

Remus considered them lucky he wasn't in the room, and fifteen again, as he was likely to turn around and snap at them to leave already, he didn't need anyone's attitude on top of worrying about his family.

Harry had no clue how long he sat there in a state of suspension, but the next thing he understood was footsteps on the stairs, and Neville coming back with McGonagall.

James wanted to feel relief. He trusted McGonagall to know the best way to help Harry right then when he couldn't, but the feeling escaped him as he kept watching his now panicking son. It was as if they weren't there, his eyes were flickering around the room and the fear wasn't dropping out of him for one minute.

Harry had never felt so relieved in his life to see a member of the Order of the Phoenix, at once telling her Arthur Weasley had been attacked by a snake, it was serious, he'd seen it happen.

Sirius finally hesitated in his hasty need for a moment. He wanted to make his favorite joke, he wanted to see it distract Harry from the horrors of this just for a moment, but for all their concern Harry didn't seem to even be aware of them. Sirius wasn't even sure if he'd heard anything since the news of Arthur's attack. That wasn't going to stop him though, he had to keep going, to find out the truth.

He explained in detail everything, and as McGonagall continued to just gaze at him in horror, he shouted he wasn't lying nor crazy!

"Neither of those things was going through anyone's mind," James promised at once, still watching every twitch of Harry's with concern.

"At least no one important," Remus muttered.

Finally she whispered she believed him, and she was taking him to Dumbledore.

Sirius cursed as he finished his part in frustration. Looking to Harry in hopes some relief would appear, Dumbledore would explain, but if possible this news only managed to make him look worse. They just wanted to understand, what was happening to him?

HPHPHPHP

I've heard that in the original rendition of this book JK was actually planning on killing Arthur, and please forgive me for sounding like a cold hearted monster, but I almost wish she had rather than Sirius. The message still would have been made, anyone close to Harry could die, but the Weasley's still have a parent left at least. It really breaks my heart what happened to Sirius through the course of this series, and realizing that in this moment Sirius might have been saved if someone else had been lost always makes me extra upset.

*I've always seen people realize this at the end of the first book, but I always found this a much funnier callback.

[hillnerd]

QUESTION: Why do many people in the fandom go Hermione saved their lives all the time. I am not saying that she did not saved their life few times but like so did Ron and Harry. At Gringotts, RoR and Malfoy Manor and also the troll incident in 1st year.

I think it’s because it’s so much more emphasized in the movies (like they have her doing far MORE in the films, and dramatically present it more as well, put in extra moments that weren’t in the books, and have every single ‘call out’ of her awesomeness still present in the movies.) In the books she is complimented nearly every time she does something for other people, vs Harry and Ron just do it without the narrative or other characters commenting on it.

Hermione comes in clutch SO very much in the 7th book it felt  ‘overpowered’ at times. I think it’s a case of the Author using Hermione as a catch-all for problems that need solving. It’s a bit of lazy writing, imo, that wasn’t as prevalent in the earlier books. The author started giving Hermione far more knowledge and exposition, instead of having it balanced between her and Ron given their different backgrounds. The trio had a much more evenly dispersed set of skills that became more and more unbalanced over the course of the books- where Ron’s skills are more INFERRED or subtle while Hermione’s are more EXPLICIT and in your face, and Harry’s more the leader who is best at the beginning and end of fights, but gets a bit muddled in the middle. Hermione in the books gets verbally praised quite a lot. Ron barely gets noticed for his skills, and if he succeeds at something there’s usually a comeuppance right after (succeeds at quidditch, hits head on mantle-- saves harry kills locket, gets berated and hit by hermione etc.)  Many of Ron’s more wise or brilliant moments are just a sentence here or there, vs paragraphs devoted to Hermione’s brilliance are fairly common.  And Harry’s the hero of the books, so I don’t think people feel the need to point out how he saves the day/people. Hell there’s a whole bunch of ‘you have a saving people thing’ mentioned IN the books.  So yeah, my two cents

[dramionediscussion]

Hey, I'm the anon that said reunion H is the most ooc H and it's not just that she forgets about Harry and Ron it's just in every reunion fic I've ever read like her whole character is completely random like no hermione-esqe character traits at all... Réunion fics are just in a world of their own...

(I read one this morning for some light reading and I think it broke me)

I get it, all of them have the general Hermione is no longer part of the trio because of something the boys did tone, and to make the boys get their comeuppance, they make Hermione super successful, rich, a bit boastful, sarcastic, snobby etc.

I think if that was the case, if Hermione was indeed “cast out” of their group, she won’t care for them anymore, she would mature a bit because she was vindictive in the past, but I think she would see them, smile but make no effort to talk to them.

- Lisa

[mxstyassasxin]

Castle (T, 1k)

on AO3

"That fucking...fucking...arrrgh!"

Ginny seemed to be struggling to find actual words amongst the expletives when she appeared with a pop at the end of the bed, shaking that morning’s Daily Prophet in a clenched fist. "I swear, 'Mione, there isn't a word bad enough for him."

"Good morning to you too, Ginny." Hermione didn't look up from the draft legislation she had been making notes on, sat up in bed on what she had thought would be a peaceful Saturday morning. It was, after all, the only quiet time she would get to do any work before her little Rosie started demanding all her attention. And Hermione was going to lap that up as much as possible before her little girl ultimately decided she was Daddy’s girl. 

"'Mione," Ron mumbled beside her. "Wha's go'n on?" He stirred slightly from the position he found to be most comfortable for sleeping, lying on his front with his arms wrapped around his pillow. She had always found his features to be quite cute while he slept like that so couldn’t help that her mouth curled at the corners into a soft smile.

"Nothing, Ronald," she ran her fingers lightly through his hair. "Go back to sleep. It's just your sister.”

She picked her wand up from where it rested beside her thigh on top of the duvet and cast a gentle muffliato over her husband as he settled back into his pillow. 

"You were saying?" She turned to her sister-in-law who was red in the face with fury, pacing backwards and forwards across the bedroom. 

"I just… I can't… Arrgh! I can't fucking believe that...that...foul, loathsome, evil cockroach!"

"Ah, I always was fond of that one," Hermione smiled to herself. "What has Draco done now?"

"Not Draco," Ginny said, still pacing with the newspaper clutched tightly in her hand. "No, he actually hasn't printed anything bad for weeks. Its fucking McMaron. He's promoted that tosser instead of me.”

Ah, so it was the manager of Puddlemere United that was on the receiving end of Ginny's wrath, and probably whoever the poor tosser was. They probably had no idea that they had angered a Weasley, or a Potter as she’d been for a while now, but neither was someone you wanted to piss off too much.

"I was supposed to be Head Coach, Hermione. I'm the best there is. Me. Not fucking Phillips." Ginny stopped pacing to stab a finger at the back page of the Prophet where there was a photograph of two men, one middle-aged wearing a suit with no tie who had an arm slung over the shoulders of a younger man, possibly 30, who was grinning broadly into the camera. As she watched, the two men turned to each other and shook hands before the younger one looked back to the camera, sticking his thumb up. Obviously, some deal had been made between them.

"McMaron wouldn't know good coaching if it bit him on the arse. He's never even played professional Quidditch! And Phillips?! He only joined the coaching team last year. It’s ridiculous!" Hermione watched on in awe as a very adult Ginny threw the paper to the floor and stomped on the faces grinning up from it.

Her friend had played professionally in the years directly after Hogwarts up until her first pregnancy, taking it right up again after James was born, before moving into coaching when she fell pregnant with Al. Yet, despite the years, Hermione still struggled to say the right things when it came to Quidditch. She’d just never managed to fall into that particular part of the wizarding world as easily as Harry had. 

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather talk to Ron about this, Ginny? You know I don't fully understand Quidditch."

"It's not about Quidditch, Hermione," she threw her hands up in the air. "It's the principle of the thing! You told me about that so don't give me that look. You did!"

Hermione had raised an eyebrow, wondering where Ginny was going with this.

"McMaron is a fat, middle-aged, rich white guy who has never played a professional game in his life, who drank firewhiskey with me yesterday and said it would be mine but then turned around and gave it to another sodding white guy!"

"Ginny," Hermione started placatingly. "You're white." She waved a hand up and down in Ginny's general direction as she pointed out that fact. 

"'Mione," Ginny deadpanned in return. "I'm trying to rant with you about feminism, the principle of the thing, like it said in that muggle book you gave me."

"Then if you're that serious about it, just quit." Ginny's eyes widened at the sincerity in her voice and Hermione knew that Ginny would not have expected such a potentially risky answer from her. "I mean it, Gin. If you're the best coach there, then Puddlemere will flop without you and McMaron will have his comeuppance."

Ginny had started pacing again, doing that horrible nervous habit she had of chewing her hair. Hermione sighed.

"Look. Didn't you say Pennington was retiring? I'm sure the Harpies would have you back. In fact, you know that they'd all be stood at the gates with open arms."

Ginny released her hair from her mouth and spun around quickly to face Hermione again, her face lit up in a grin. 

"Ha! Yes! Brilliant, 'Mione." She began pacing once again but in a more excited fashion, busy planning in a calculated, almost Slytherin-like way that would definitely have left McMaron terrified had he been there. 

"I'll quit and go coach my Harpies so that they absolutely thrash Puddlemere every single time. Then we will win the league, the Harpies will win the league with me as Head Coach and our little girl will be able to see Mummy smashing the glass ceiling all over McMaron!"

"Not sure you're using that quite... Hang on!" Hermione's brain caught up with what Ginny had actually said. "Ginny! Are you...?"

"Shush, 'Mione." Ginny interrupted before she could finish the question, still pacing as she planned McMaron's downfall. "I'm smashing the glass ceiling here. You can congratulate me when we announce it properly."

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Dolores Umbridge

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Sometimes it’s not enough to have a villain. Sometimes, you have to have a character who is thoroughly, unrepentantly awful, someone so despicable the audience will root against them, guaranteed. These are hate sinks, characters that you sink your hate into. When executed well, these characters can be truly great, because they are just so horrendously evil that their ultimate comeuppance is overwhelmingly satisfying. And while she’s certainly no Huey Emmerich, Dolores Umbridge at least gets to take home the silver medal in characters you love to hate. And you will, without a doubt, hate her, for more reasons than you might realize.

Motivation/Goals: Umbridge is seemingly only motivated by her desire to keep whatever power she has. Whoever is in power, she serves unquestioningly, going above and beyond what anyone should. Her tenure as the Ministry-appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was filled with horrific violations of human rights, including her brutally torturing students, and keep in mind this was all done in an attempt to monitor the school because they thought Dumbledore was training an army of child soldiers to stage a coup and overthrow the Ministry by claiming Voldemort was back.

Later, when Death Eaters took over the Ministry, she would put her same cheerful energy into desecrating the dead body of Mad-Eye Moody and sentencing Muggleborns to have their souls sucked out. So, yes, she’s just the pinnacle of the unpleasant government drone who goes on a power trip and abuses those beneath her with impunity

Performance: While she certainly didn’t fit the description of the ugly, toadlike woman from the books,  Imelda Staunton definitely showed that sometimes changes from the book are better than the original. By making Umbridge look like a kind, maternal figure she manages to project an outward air of sweetness and kindness; who exactly could think such a sweet-looking lady would be capable of such malice? It just makes the fact that she invented a blood pen torture device for use on students and that she can wear a piece of the soul of the most evil wizard to ever live around her neck with no ill effects all the more horrifying. Staunton absolutely kills it in the role, and even manages to make Umbridge a bit more cunning and competent than her book version in small ways while still keeping the smug, sickeningly sweet condescension that we all love to hate.

Final Fate: Umbridge, like any good hate sink, gets only the most brutal of comeuppances her way. In Order of the Phoenix, Hermione leads her into the Forbidden Forest; in the books, Harry explicitly mentally notes Hermione is unknowingly bumbling her way into Aragog’s den, but in both versions they are accosted by centaurs, and when Umbridge tries to assert her authority over them, they drag her off kicking and screaming. If you know anything about centaurs in mythology, you can probably imagine what they did to her, but mercifully neither book nor film spells it out. The sad thing is, she not only survives this, but she gets to retain her position in the Ministry, which pisses Harry off to no end when he finds out.

Fortunately, her good luck runs out in the final book and film. While in the book she’s merely knocked out of the story when the gang goes to retrieve Voldemort’s locket, and she would only be revealed after the story concluded to have been sentenced to life in Azkaban for her role in sentencing Muggleborns to death, in the movie it’s heavily implied that the Dementors she had been holding off sucked her soul out when Harry broke her concentration. I hate to imagine how her soul must have tasted, but really, it’s what she deserved.

Best Scene: I don’t think her best scene is even necessarily HER scene, but a scene in which she gets some sweet, sweet karma: Fred and George’s glorious escape from her nightmarish Hogwarts, a moment so awesome even Professor Flitwick pumps his fist from the sheer righteousness of the Weasley twin’s magnificent getaway.  

Best Quote: Looking through her quotes, during one of her exchanges with McGonagall she drops this line: “I am sorry dear, but to question my practices is to question the Ministry and, by extension, the Minister himself. I am a tolerant woman, but the one thing I will not stand for is disloyalty.” Now this line is already chilling on its own, but taking into account some recent developments, in which Umbridge’s creator, a woman who has a skewed idea of ‘tolerance,’ has been quick to label anyone who dare criticize her toxic views as a misogynist… the line has become disturbingly relevant.

Final Thoughts & Score: Dolores Umbridge is such a very real, very chilling kind of evil, and ultimately this is what makes her so effective. I think most of us have been in a position where a seemingly kind person in a position of power abuses their authority with a smile, and most of us have likely had an extremely rotten, unpleasant teacher. There is just something infinitely relatable to the experiences the students go through in the books.

But I think what truly cements Umbridge as one of the most disgusting and evil characters in a franchise which includes Sniveling Backstabbing Rat Man, Literally Insane Fascist Torture Fetishist, Pedophile Cannibal Werewolf, and at least two wizards who are Literally Hitler, and what ultimately helps her stand out is that she projects this air of kindness and sweetness, that she puts on this mask of being kind, agreeable, and friendly… and then she goes and uses her power to sentence innocent people to death. She has the demeanor of an angel with the heart of a devil, and while this alone makes her such an enjoyably detestable character, what helps her stand the test of time is that she really also holds up well as a criticism of J.K. Rowling herself.

Rowling put forth this sweet, motherly identity for years, this kind older woman who cared about the plight of the LGBT+ community, strived for diversity and inclusiveness, and donated so much of her fortune to charity… and then, on Twitter, she began slowly but surely showing cracks in the sweet facade. A tweet here, a comment there… and soon enough, Rowling had outed herself as one of the most disgusting things a person can be: a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. It certainly was not intentional on her part, but there is some sick humor in the fact that the woman who identified so heavily with Hermione, the girl who fought for the freedom of the oppressed with every fiber of her being, ultimately ended up being more like the oppressive, fascist monster with a sweet face.

Umbridge is an easy 10/10. She’s not nearly as fantastical as the other enemies in the series despite being a witch like they are, but her evil is so much more down to earth and relatable… even more so because she disturbingly reflects the attitudes and personality of her creator. Combine that with Imelda Stauntons incredible performance and, well, what other score could I possibly give her? She’s second only to Huey Emmerich in the hate sink department. I think Stepehn King put it best:

“The gently smiling Dolores Umbridge, with her girlish voice, toadlike face, and clutching, stubby fingers, is the greatest make-believe villain to come along since Hannibal Lecter. One needn’t be a child to remember The Really Scary Teacher, the one who terrified us so badly that we dreaded the walk to school in the morning, and we turn the pages partly in fervent hopes that she will get her comeuppance… but also in growing fear of what she will get up to next. For surely a teacher capable of banning Harry Potter from playing Quidditch is capable of anything.”

Oh, and one more thing: fuck Huey.