#here’s this super flawed thing
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#earn sanitada#orm kornnaphat#tsou#the secret of us#the secret of us the series#oh the kicked puppy look#i actually really like this look#not only the disheveled look because [twirls hair]#(okay why is she so attractive here Idk why)#but I'm saying is I love that Earn having more mode than just the super energetic puppy mode#she's so bubbly chirpy oui oui all the time#I'd love to see more sides of her when she has to face reality that ugh perhaps things kinda sucks sometimes#and her being upset is a strange concept for HER#that makes her more human#I love the idea that she ruminates over her action#perhaps she feels bad for reacting that strongly toward Ratee and she's like 'that isnt like me'#or perhaps she's the kind who takes major hit when she found out that people hate her sometimes#Idk but the idea of Earn ruminating over these things is nice#she's defo a deeply deeply flawed character and I want to see her reflecting on herself
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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There's a certain CCCC summary video that we really, really like. We think it is a great video for people if they want to grasp the story more clearly, if they're confused, or if they're listening to the album for the first time.
That video being Chonny Jash and the Weight of the Mind on Youtube by W3tBl@nk3t. We think they cover it really well.
However, I'm sharing this for a different reason; they say few certain things that really struck with us until now, that I'd like to share with the fandom. Sometimes, we see people really just.. Miss the point of CCCC entirely, and I'd like to shine a light on what was said here. If you'd like to hear this for yourself on video, the timestamp is 35:57-36:45.
“..I bet we all could relate to that, they are the prime example of the side of you that suffers and the side of you that hates yourself for suffering:
The side of you that just wants to slow down and feel everything even to the unhealthy extent of not being able to do anything else(1), but also the side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it(2).
Sure, laying in bed all day every day to rot isn't healthy, but neither is boiling things down and invalidating your own emotions. Both are paths to inevitable disaster, and that's what Chonny is doing here. Keep in mind that the idea behind this album is being whole, and that means neither of these sides are entirely in the right or the wrong; this album is about inner compromise and acceptance(3).”
1.) The side of you that suffers; Heart. He is representative of Whole's emotions, he holds them. Your emotions can go haywire, especially when one's mentally ill and has no way of their feelings being validated. An emotional person like Heart suffers under the weight of crushing, devastating feelings. He wants to feel things out, have time to just process everything, even if it takes them days or weeks to get over it. It's not healthy, but feeling is what he does, and he wants to help because he knows he has importance. Solely focusing on just your emotions isn't the best thing to do, however.
2.) The side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it; Mind. Many people have been there, have wanted themselves to stop wallowing in their own emotions and just do something else, even to the point where you think feeling things out is unnecessary. This is also unhealthy, but not intentionally. Like Heart, Mind just wants to help, everything he does is in best interest. This is what he thinks will get them to move on the quickest; to leave behind emotions and focus on anything BUT that. Also not the best thing to do.
3.) This album is about inner compromise and acceptance; About being whole. Neither of Heart and Mind are right nor wrong. They have their own ways of doing things, of what they think will help their whole self out the most, but both are unhealthy despite the good intentions. They fight over who's wrong or right, when they shouldn't even be doing so in the first place. It's your thoughts against your emotions, basically; your feelings contradict your thoughts, and it leads to an inner war of sorts. This won't make things better, which is why you can't have Mind over Heart or vice versa; you'll need both of them. In the album, they are only able to be whole when they get along. They harmonize, they 'combine', they see eye to eye with each other and work together instead of fighting over and over. Inner compromise is achieved with this, and acceptance can lead them away from any disaster that there's to come.
What we're trying to say is that mental health is a large thing tackled within CCCC, and yet we see a lot of people who overlook it; thus, end up missing the point of the whole album. We see a lot of people believe Mind's perspective a little too much and treat Heart quite harshly, or the other way where people demonize Mind and say that Heart is perfect, when it's not really that in the slightest.
This is not a hate post towards people's interpretations of CCCC or how they view characters, I'm just saying that people can tend to overlook what's in the very narrative, and we see a concerning amount of people do such.
Anyways. Stream CCCC and put your Hearts and Minds in the get along shirt. Have a nice day.
#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cccc#cccc heart#cj heart#cccc mind#cj mind#mind chonny jash#heart chonny jash#I did not mention Soul once in this post. I am so sorry to all of the Soul enjoyers#whole was technically mentioned but this is not about him. so sorry to the Whole enjoyers as well#we rreally really really like this CCCC video#a lot#it does a great job at explaining things and is fairly good for an unbiased telling of the story#to reiterate though this is not a hate post#it's just a bit frustrating to see how many people say that mind is right or heart is right#but no.. that is not the point of cccc#and it's even in tse as well. the line 'neither is right yet neither is wrong'#personally we are big fans of heart and will defend him since he gets so mischaracterized#but we know and acknowledge that he isn't 100% correct and can be wrong for what he wants to do and has done#we love Heart but he did not have to pull that gun.#also. more justice for characters who make mistakes but aren't automatically super evil because they're just human.#we've seen how people lack that understanding in the fandom </3#hmsw are so incredibly flawed in a relatable way with such good writing#we feel like people overlook that so much#this post was scary to make but#we're doing it#here goes#CxC rambling and yapping#we haven't posted purely text posts in a while please don't come for our heads c4 fandom
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The one who carries the Mushroom Kingdom on her shoulders.
#sorry for the caption being a bit corny...i couldnt think of anything else#i want to explain everything here we would be here for a few minutes lol BUT UH#the basics: peach is poisonous. similar to how poison ivy works (via contacting skin) but uh a bit stronger.#a trait gained from her mom who was toad-adjacent#which is why she wears those gloves everywhere.#Because of this fact she believes she has to do things by herself. anyone who gets too close means she has a higher chance of hurting them#And leads to her just....expelling a lot of bottled shit by herself :) yaaay#i wanted to keep the fact that peach is shown to be very emotional person. both in terms of sadness and anger#shes kind but still flawed.#“im a nervous wreck but no one can know that! They're all counting on me!”#it was weird but fun to draw her eyes...idk if those are gonna be the final colors#well that was also a pragraph of tags WHOOPS#JP&E#super mario bros#mario#princess peach#now if youll excuse me i gotta go regain my strength from all this drawing i did. holy shit#eye strain#body horror#cosmo creates#illustration
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finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real
#this is a joke. but.#if i have to read one more retelling~ that’s just#‘but what if the woman was ASSAULTED ALL THE TIME and had NO AGENCY so everything bad she did was JUSTIFIED or a LIE???’ please stop#when you’re actively taking agency away from women written and portrayed in deeply patriachal cultures you’re not giving them a voice#youre taking the voice they had away.#women worked around and within the patriarchy while having feelings and ambitions and wants and dreams and flaws and virtues forever.#without the necessity of ‘but what if the MAN in her life was just SUPER EVIL and NOT NUANCED and she was just ASSAULTED’#what if no women wanted anything but SAFETY ever what if they were never power hungry or jealous or predatory ever themselves?#yes circe did this too if i have to see one more person say ‘oh except circe’ i will scream.#circe is literally like. the worst offender here.#pivoting back though sorry but it also all feels very bioessentialist PRESUMABLY without meaning to but ‘oh men are just inherently evil#with no nuance. nuance is for women and by nuance we mean was just super oppressed and wronged’ is uh haha actually terfy as fuck#good ol lady macunsexmeherebeth who definitely didn’t plot the whole thing to begin with for sure needs to be Given a Voice#i haven’t finished this one yet btw. i like this author’s work on the whole i just think this one is a swing and a miss because like.#this is not a woman who didn’t do anything and who didn’t have a voice.#if you want to show us her perspective in terms of her psychology and her inner workings and how she got to this place excellent wonderful#but not when the answer is just ‘but actually nothing was her fault ever!!!!!!’ like. lol let her want that crown for reasons that aren’t#my husband is abusive.#like oh my god.#same with hera you’re gonna go with the ONE tradition where she didn’t want to marry zeus#and all her rage is just about Injustice and the Patrairchy and not actual envy. okay.#she & zeus were an og most toxic couple of all time but they WERE in virtually all tradition a couple still who had times of reconciliation#and attachment.#like you know. actual toxic and abusive relationships do.#also it completely erased rhea who was actually the character whose story this more closely resembled#(warrior goddess with flop husband she finally schemes against)#instead she just. uh. went away oh no hera’s so afraid of being weak like mama she must break the cycle.#like okay this is the story you want to tell stop superimposing it on mythical entities from thousands of years ago then.#justice4rhea.#okay sorry. end rant.
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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms
yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.
anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).
but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.
im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)
whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.
of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.
otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.
#rezero#tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison#in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH#recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not#understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom#he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws#atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom#for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me#kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating#and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate#also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask#i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom#bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated#very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn#i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.
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i forgot to say, we finished watching death note yesterday!
it's so much different to watch as an adult instead of a dA middle schooler. the second half was still bad though
#bush was alive and the president but kira ended war. make it make sense#also the series would have gone so wildly differently if even a SINGLE woman in it had literally any sort of agency#also (minimal spoilers:)#it's not satisfying to end it on ''he was Outsmarted(TM) by a Super Special Orphan''#his MAIN character trait/flaw/drive was that he thought he was a god (so: above everyone else)#he REALLY kind of needed to lose because of his own ego#you get that the SLIGHTEST bit with Mikami's blunder but it's nowhere near enough#also the dad should have survived. he had been given more emphasis on valuing the legal process and disapproving of Kira's methods#so it's wild that the character who felt most strongly that way didn't make it to the end#and then HE should have had the Matsuda moment in the finale!!#i get what they were going for with Matsuda having it#but 1: obvs the drama of it would be elevated 2: you'd care more about the hard moral lines being drawn for that character#and 3: THE FATHER AND THE SON. CHRISTIAN GOD IMAGERY. IT WAS RIGHT THERE#RYUK COULD BE THE HOLY SPIRIT OR SOMETHING. C'MON WORK WITH ME HERE#one thing is still the same as in middle school though. L and Light were definitely gay#death note#hush me
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october is coming. which means, of course, that it is time for the horrors. tfw the dream self must confront the Nightmare Self
#body horror //#homestuck#YES i am invoking tarot symbolism and YES i have reasons for choosing the cards i did and YES i AM just making things up as i go. im normal#symbolism runthrough real quick. consider this an Artist's Statement of sorts.#The Tower: ambition built on a flawed premise. guy who always thinks he knows better than you in dire need of a wakeup call#strength: the journey of the self vis a vis finding the courage to act & tapping into latent potential that always existed#& simply needed to be accessed. note: dirk in this card is brain ghost dirk specifically.#(an illusion constructed by jake because he didn't believe in his own repressed abilities - drawn here as The Horrors.)#the devil: you are maybe not the CAUSE of all of your problems but DAMN you are making them worse for yourself.#this card is SO heavy on unhealthy coping mechanisms. symbolism here - very literally holding self down#sure it feels comforting in the moment but eventually you are going to drown.#the chariot: this one's not super clear visually but i do have a method to my madness#the chariot is the card of willpower; control; forward motion; resolution.#by the same token i think it is also a card about being really really stubborn - blinded by a goal.#holding onto the reins and refusing to let go even when holding them hurts you & others around you.#honestly i think some of the minor arcana fit better for a few of these cards but i wanted to stick w majors#for the sake of Icon Recognition i guess.#anyway [putting the alpha gang in the Narrative Wiggler to work through their problems]#they are going to the Dream Realm to meet their weirdest selves (and friends) in combat. unless...?#(it was never about fighting it was about healing. SYMBOLISM)
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vegeta is genuinely a great character but if you encounter a vegeta fan its your moral duty to kill them as quickly as possible
#love him but jesus fucking hell his fans. and I 100% blame super for this. genuinely I hate it more and more as time passes#to like The Real geets you have to understand and accept that he sucks so bad in general because he sucks so bad morally#and no amount of training will change that. it's his narrative arc#even if he gives himself 100% he will and should NEVER beat goku even if theyre on “good terms”#(and besides if theyre on “good terms” he wouldnt give himself 100%)#Im so mad their last fight in the buu saga was so good and so was the whole epilogue but nooo we can have good things#geets was narratively at his peak in the saiyan arc the freeza arc and the buu arc (specifically bc he was at his lowest there)#BUT NOOO everyone loooves him in the cell arc so thats aaall he is I Fucking Hate It Here#anyway all of that to say ive seen some video and wow i got reminded i really loved this manga and characters👍 for all its flaws#tagging later
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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I'm the LAST person to suggest that you have to preface every single comment you make about a character/fictional relationship/etc. you like with a reminder that you Know™ it's pRoBLeMaTiC, but I DO question what the point of acting genuinely for real like there were no problems is.
#I don't even mean in a 'what would it look like if this relationship were healthy' or 'what if this character were a good person'#because I think that's interesting to explore and I have several things I'm working on with elements of that#but I genuinely will hear people go 'there ARE no flaws in this thing' with their whole chest in a completely serious manner#when they could just. talk about how they like the thing without that qualification? and I feel like...#...idk. just because *I* am someone who enjoys horrible characters and deranged unhealthy fictional relationships#I feel like it's a disservice to act like there were never any faults or problems or [insert applicable noun here] at all? it gets rid of#the narrative complexity that's present#I was talking to long-distance best friend last night and I went on a rant about how I wouldn't like jaime as much if he actually WAS as#Super For Real Actually A Completely Good Person Who Was Never Flawed In Any Way as some people act like he is.#it's BECAUSE he does shitty things and isn't A Super Good Person™ that makes him particularly interesting#if you want to imagine a version of this story where he doesn't act horribly and is a 100% Stand Up Guy then go for it you don't need to#justify that by saying that that is completely for real without exception who he actually is in canon?#(this wasn't even the example that brought this on. he's one of many MANY examples.)#and you know I could write a story (I won't) where like. idk altena for example. handles her issues and doesn't become The Antagonist™#where she gets therapy and ends up with a fulfilling life where she participates in society as a more well-adjusted person.#but again it would be an INCREDIBLE disservice to the way this character (a complicated fascinating character) is written to act like#she was Always Like That or that this turn of events was intended by the story or that She Genuinely Never Did Anything Wrong Actually#it's less 'oh people are having sympathy for [xyz] in a story context that I think isn't merited' & it's more 'acting like this is the way#the story was all along and the way it was meant to be interpreted all along is a misreading of the text and I don't think that's fair'#mel's media criticism
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honestly at this rate, i’m considering going back to fic writing/drawing fan works full swing
#🌀 — later guys! i’m outta here. ❪ ooc. ❫#vent //#don't get me wrong i still love rping. i'm still gonna do it#it still makes me super happy whenever i see new interactions pop up in my inboxes - even if i never end up getting to them#but hoogh.. i'll be honest besties - this past year has been challenging#idk how to describe it really without sounding like a loser dkasdafjdl but the tldr is mental illness and#writing in a space where feedback isn't always guaranteed doesn't mix well for me#which is why i'm kinda debating fanfic again because i STILL get comments and kudos from a fic i worked on back in 2016#even though its full of flaws and cringe moments i still am so touched that there are ppl out there that still enjoy it in its full#teenaged toby angst glory kgjsdkj#what does that mean for my blogs and activity if i do wind up getting back into that kinda thing? dunno yet.#but i'll still BE here#and i will still probably respond to stuff (just slowly.. i am not fast like sonic T hedgehog)#jussst yeah. thinking it'll be good for me to pursue other hobbies and passions too#oh yeah i feel like i need to clarify - this has nothing to do with anything recent#it's been a gradual feeling
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I really want cup noodles but it's too cold to walk to the store and I am bleeding for reasons I cannot explain again. Emotionally I'm pretty good. Physically I'm not
#i need to warm up and relax to YouTube vids#my ex was being an asshole in class again bc she's having a bad day or something .-. and i was not going to be complicit with her dumb shit#my friends let me know that she bothered them about me again and I'm sure it was just to relay the message that she will choose terrorism#i will not be threatened into getting back into a bad relationship#i will leave class and enjoy the rest of my beautiful day 💗 it's okay if I'm not physically well#emotionally i am free from terror and it's impossible to be sad when i laugh at my own crude jokes#also my classmates are looking out for me which is super nice 🥺 they make me feel safe coming to campus#how can i be bothered that I'm bleeding when my friends make me feel like I have a place of belonging with them#also listen here 'hun'.... swift had one thing right .... we are NEVER ever getting back together -___-#you know it's true and just accept it#also fuck t swift#i still cry to white horse but that's my character flaw#💗💗💗 if that makes me less dateable then GOOD stop asking me to marry you
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fully intended and foreseen consequence of coping better with my anxiety is that this blog will at some point inevitably become More Cringe and that point is SO close on the horizon. if you get mad at me for posting things i like on my blog that is for me you clearly have more issues than i do for worrying abt that possibility for hours on end
#its tumblr were all cringe here. fucking grow up or leave genuinely#also i literally tag everything im into + trigger tags too. block tags or just unfollow me theres no hard feelings i prommy#anyway. ive been falling back into creepypasta which ive mentioned before i was super into as a teen! fun stuff#i love that the fandom is still alive and doing fun new stuff :') theres such good art out there!! and character interpretations!!!!#and ive also gotten really into league lore over the past few months actually. the arcane fixation has morphed#basically it went 'this character looks cool whats their deal. whats this region like. oh another neat character lets look into that'#and then suddenly i know too much™️ bc hyperfixations for me are about gathering information and stories like a raccoon#i have FEELINGS about it. post probably incoming soon abt that#and BRIAR!! shes a little gremlin i kind of love her already#levi.txt#will i delete this in the morning? lets see#but for real tho. im doing really good lately. things arent perfect but i feel like a person for once#i can talk to strangers without acting like a trapped prey animal! it turns out im fucking funny actually! people like my jokes#im SLEEPING again. regularly. that was an issue for nearly a year and im doing ok again (not perfect but hey! ~8hrs!!)#i can just. sit around in public now and not feel like im on a hidden camera show where everyone is judging the way i breathe#slowly switching from self deprecation 'i want to die' jokes to 'im literally gods favourite prince and the hottest bitch alive'#i still get really nervous but it doesnt feel like a personal flaw and it doesnt feel insurmountable anymore#so yeah naturally thats going to come with (hopefully) a lot less shame around things that i like#just asking kindly that people are normal abt it. this is me thriving i guess
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I am CRYING because I watched 7 episodes of Made in Abyss today (will keep the rest for next days because if I binge I start to lose track of the plot) and something funny already happened dsfhhdsfd
I will not ramble too extensively but ONE THING
So, usually I am liveblogging animes I watch by "talking" to myself on Discord and I started to overthink a visual detail:
So I got thinking real hard about it and this is where things got pretty intense so I skipped on liveblogging that and just watched
And then...
Just like I thought from the very start, it was a side effect of Abyss because skin on the skull gets effected by hollowing too - resulting in loss of hair color on these spots, but like. I thought it was super hilarious because it is not JUST Bloodb0rne where I overanalyze occasional visual quirks in a way that ACTUALLY makes me guess lore before its revealed, it is, like... my brain JUST works like this. This is permanent dfsjfdj
#watch log#sorry for rambling but like... i can't explain how funny it makes me feel#i am like this with everything apparently#'here is me ranting my thoughts about a design solution that i swear is not just anime logic instead of talking about the PLOT'#'i can prove it is supposed to mean someth- yeeeeeep'#but yes now i am curious what happened with the director#i'll see i guess#ozen is such a sexywoman material though#like she is really creepy but in a good way#i was complaining that this type of character is ALWAYS male and female characters like this are not written#and here is she lol#i was genuinely surprised by resolution in that episode though#but yeah she is very sexyman-ish#minus that tumblr sexymen are loosers that are easy to bully whereas she is really fuckin badass#but yes more female characters like this please#she said such a fucked up thing to the protag tho that genuinely impressed me#this show is super interesting to watch though? the best shit if you like worldbuilding and-#-lore and mysteries and for every thing to make sense while told through lence of realistic characters-#-with their own flaws and goals. like i am only 25% through and already am super intrigued#i mean you can't add concept of 'Abyss' in your lore and not make it super interesting but still. it IS super interesting
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obsessed with the idea of clark being that side character energy muse that ends up influencing a main character energy muse for better or worse
#because he doesnt shut up and he sits in the middle of things#and so if he sees someone on a one track path#whether it's like one filled with hypocrisy or not#he's gonna be like#yeah but what about this. and what if you did this. and are you sure? and but what if you're wrong?#u could say he's uhhhh ahaaa haaa a uhhh haaha#devil on ur shoulder sorta character#i think sometimes he does get a sort of enjoyment out of seeing ppl doubt themselves#but mostly i think thats just how he is.#he isnt a one track guy mortality wise or anything and so when he sees someone on a warparth or with a set goal#with no wiggle room. he's curious and perplexed. he doesn't understand tbH and so he gets chatty ig#and sometimes when he does it to ppl he likes it is sorta outa concern ig#like hey bestie super cool i support you but here are the flaws in your logic and i will not shutup about them#tbd
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