#here have some words for the 'it's complicated' part of the aro spectrum!

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: Queer science fiction, part 2

There is a lot of queer sf out there, and I read a lot of sf. When I started working on this list, I quickly realized it was impossible to include all that I’ve read and enjoyed in one single rec post. Thus, this is my second queer sci-fi book rec post. For queer sci-fi part 1, click here!

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean “guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending”, but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don’t always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of “gay best friend”, word of god, and a blink and you’ll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone

Vivian Liao is a highly successful innovator, but she may have bitten off more than she can chew and fears the government may be coming for her. As she goes into hiding, she attempts to pull off one last stunt that could fix everything - but something goes wrong, and suddenly Vivian finds herself waking up in the far future, under attack by an army of robots in space. Hoping to find her way back home, Vivian must assemble a crew of dangerous outlaws to help her hunt down the Empress of Forever, the all-powerful entity who pulled her into the future. Lesbian main character.

The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older

Novella. On the outpost of a human colony by Jupiter, a man has gone missing. On the case to find him - and figure out why he disappeared in the first place - is enigmatic investigator Mossa. Her search leads her to the colony's university, and with it, her ex-girlfriend Pleiti, expert on Earth's pre-collapse ecosystem. Together they come to realize that the case is much larger than just a missing man, and could decide the outcome of humanity's very future. Sapphic.

My Heart is Human by Reese Hogan

Nine years ago, all complex technology was made illegal. This complicates life for Joel, young transgender single father, as a bionic just uploaded itself into his brain without consent. Scared of losing his daughter, Joel tries to keep the bionic secret while using it to fix his life, but things quickly get more complicated as the bionic gains more and more control of his body. A bit simplistic in writing style but makes a lot of cool parallels of bodily autonomy to Joel’s experiences as a transman. M/M romance.

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez*

A strange child lands on an isolated planet, scaring its inhabitants into handing him over into the hands of Nia Amani. As captain of a transport ship, Nia is not only the planet's only contact with the outside world, she is also a woman out of time, years compressing into months as she travels through space at high speeds. Now responsible for a child who doesn't speak and in a galaxy that wishes them ill, she must rethink exactly what she wants to do with her life, and what she's prepared to give up. Features multiple major queer characters.

The Abyss Surrounds Us (The Abyss Surrounds Us duology) by Emily Skrutskie

Young Adult. Tumblr classic back in the day! Cassandra Leung's family are keepers of sea monsters, genetically engineered and trained to protect ships from pirates. On her first solo mission, Cas finds herself kidnapped by pirates seeking to obtain their own monster. Now they need her help to train it. As Cas seeks to regain her freedom, she must also reckon with unfortunate growing feelings for one of the pirates keeping her under guard. Sapphic.

Ancestral Night (White space series) by Elizabeth Bear

Haimey Dz is part of a three-man salvage crew in space (one of the crew being the sentient spaceship himself). When the small crew comes across a derelict ship that proves the scene of a horrible crime, they must go on the run as they seek to uncover a conspiracy that involves both ancient secrets older than humanity itself, and Haimey's own hidden past. On their tail is a dangerous space pirate, convinced that Haimey is the key to it all. Lesbian main character.

Ancillary Justice (Imperial Radch) by Ann Leckie*

A space opera in which sentient spaceships can walk the ground in stolen human bodies, so called ancillaries. One of these ancillaries, the sole survivor after the complete destruction of her ship and crew, is one the hunt for revenge against the most powerful woman in the empire. This series does very cool things with gender!

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

Five New Yorkers find themselves experiencing strangness as the city itself begins to wake up. They are its soul, its avatars and its protectors, and now they must keep it safe as it wakes as something alien and monstrous attempts to kill it before it's even fully alive. Mix of sci-fi, supernatural, and lovecraftian horror. Multiple pov characters of varying queer identities.

Gideon the Ninth (The Locked Tomb series) by Tamsyn Muir*

Gideon, raised as a swordswoman by unfriendly nuns, would rather run away and make her own life, but her services are needed. The Reverend Daughter, Gideon's childhood nemesis, has been invited to a trial to win a place as an immortal by the Emperor's side, and she's in need of a bodyguard. Listen, if you’re on tumblr I probably don’t need to explain this book to you. Trust me when I say it’s exactly as good as people claim. Humorous and spooky but also absolutely gut wrenching and clever with a lot of political commentary. There are also, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

A Big Ship at the Edge of the Universe (Salvagers trilogy) by Alechia Dow

In a universe run on science and magic working hand in hand, Boots Elsworth makes a living selling fake treasure maps and Nilah Brio is a racer. When one of Boots' maps turns out to be more real than expected and Nilah has to go on the run after having been framed for a murder, the two find themselves on the same spaceship, working with Boots' old captain to find the rumored treasure and reveal the conspiracy its hiding before the people hunting them catch up. Features a main f/f relationship.

The Company of Death by Elisa Hansen*

A wild mix of genres, where a zombie apocalypse has struck and vampires gather up humans to keep their food source from going extinct, a robot travels across America with a young man she’s tasked to keep safe, and former-vampire-hunter-recent-zombie Emily teams up with Death himself to stop the apocalypse. Features bi and ace characters! Bonus rec: the author also runs the youtube channel Maven of the Eventide, where she talks about various vampire media. Check it out!

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

Shizuka Satomi is a violin master who made a deal with a devil, and who must now save her soul by delivering the souls of her students in place of her own. Lan Tran is a mother and a refugee of an alien war, hiding on Earth with her children in a donut shop. Katrina Nguyen is a trangender runaway and violin player, in the need of a mentor. As their paths cross, their lives change forever. I would categorize this as cozy, however it does also deal with some pretty heavy themes.

The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson*

Young adult. Young artist June Costa lives in Palmares Tres, a beautiful, matriarchal city relying heavily on tradition, one of which is the Summer King. The most recent Summer King is Enki, a bold boy and fellow artist. With him at her side, June seeks to finally find fame and recognition through her art, breaking through the generational divide of her home. But growing close to Enki is dangerous, because he, like all Summer Kings, is destined to die. While the main relationship is m/f, it features a worldbuilding where bisexuality is the norm, which is portrayed in its major characters.

The Gilded Abyss by Rebecca Thorne

Nix Marr is a soldier and damned good at it, but that doesn't prepare her for her next mission: bodyguard for Subarch Kessandra, beloved royal and Nix's bitter ex, as she ventures into the underwater city of Fall to seek the cause of a bloody murder spree and a possible deadly contagion. But Kessandra has enemies, the answers she seeks marking her as a possible threat for the nation's rulers. On their way in an isolated and enclosed underwater ship toward Fall, the contagion catches up, and Nix will have to put her hurt feelings aside if the two are to arrive alive. Sci-fi with flavors of horror and the supernatural.

Adaptation (Adaptation duology) by Malinda Lo

Young adult. Strangeness is afoot: all over America, birds are hurling themselves against airplanes and causing crashes. As flights are canceled and travelers stranded, Reese and her debate partner and longtime crush David are forced to head home by car. Accident strikes, and the two wake in a military hospital with no memory of the last month. Returning home, strangeness follows the two, especially as Reese encounters the mysterious and beautiful Amber Gray, who may know more than she lets on. Features a bisexual love triangle.

Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz

Young adult. Fifteen-year-old Kivali, abandoned at birth and adopted by the nonconformist artist Sheila, has as a girl in boys clothes never fit in with the other kids. Sheila has always been supportive, until she one day sends Kivali off to CropCamp. While Kivali chafes at the strict rules of the camp, she also finds herself making friends, and maybe more, for the first time. Strange coming of age story, featuring exploration of gender and sexuality in a dystopian setting.

Isle of Broken Years by Jane Fletcher

Young spanish noblewoman Catalina thinks she’s done for when the ship she’s traveling on is attacked by pirates and she’s captured. Things gets worse when the entire crew is stranded on an inhospitable island where time works strangely, dangerous monsters terrorize the woods and something alien stops them from leaving. Strong Lost vibes. Lesbian romance. Admittedly quite indulgent but very fun and creative.

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries) by Marta Wells*

After having hacked its own governor module, SecUnit uses its small amount of new freedom to secretly download and watch as much media as it can between doing its job guarding humans. But when the scientists it’s been charged with keeping safe come under attack, it must make a choice about whether to continue keeping its freedom secret or risk it all to save them. The series features both novellas and full length novels, and balances humor with scathing critique of capitalism. While it can be debated whether SecUnit counts as agender, asexual and aromantic, as it is a robot (I leave this up to individual judgmenet), however the series also has a diverse cast overall.

The Quiet at the End of the World by Lauren James*

Young adult. After the spread of a global virus causing infertility, teenagers Lowrie and Shen are now the youngest humans alive as the adults around them race to find a cure. As they investigate the ruins of the world, the two come across records from the past, of how grief stricken people turned to raising artificial children in apps and how these 'children’ developed, and through these records the two learn of their history. Bisexual main character.

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah*

In a near future America, inmates on death row or with life sentences in private prisons can choose to participate in death matches for entertainment. If they survive long enough - a rare case indeed - they regain their freedom. Among these prisoners are Loretta Thurwar and Hamara “Hurricane Staxxx” Stacker, partners behind the scenes and close to the deadline of a possible release - if only they can survive for long enough. As the game continues to be stacked against them and protests mount outside, two women fight for love, freedom, and their own humanity. Chain-Gang All-Stars is bleak and unflinching as well as genuinely hopeful in its portrayal of a dark but all to real possible future. Sapphic.

The Disasters by M.K. England

A decade ago, the massive ship House of Wisdom was abandoned in orbit after its entire crew was killed in an outbreak in a matter of hours. Now, Zahra and her people hope to claim the ship as their own by kidnapping the sole survivor to gain access to its systems. But the danger of the House of Wisdom is far from gone. Horror, no major romance but has a major gay character.

Nax Hall may be a hotshot pilot, but that doesn't stop him from being expelled from the prestigious Ellis Station Academy in less than 24 hours. But as he's to be transported back to Earth alongside other failed students, the school is viciously attacked. Nax and the three other students only barely escape, and are left as the only witnesses - and the perfect scapegoats. Now they must go on the run together and find a way to clear their names. Bisexual main character.

Dust (Jacob's Ladder series) by Elizabeth Bear

In a dying spaceship, orbiting an equally dying sun, noblewoman Perceval waits for her own gruesome death. Having been captured by an opposing house, her wings severed and life forfeit, Perceval’s execution is imminent - until a young servant charged with her care proves to be Perceval’s long lost sister. To stop a war between houses likely to doom them all, the two flee together across a crumbling, dangerous spaceship. At its core waits Jacob Dust, god and angel, all that remains of what the ship once was. And he wants Perceval. Sapphic and asexual characters, however be prepared for kinda fucked up relationships.

Under Fortunate Stars by Ren Hutchings

Two ships have gotten stuck in a rift in space, isolated outside of time. One of them is the Jonah, a ship dodging a generations long war against an alien species, carrying a small crew of smugglers, an unintended passenger, and a hijacker. The other ship is the Gallion, which arrived from 150 years in the future carrying an alien ambassador - and whose crew is awestruck at meeting the heroes of the Jonah, known to have ended the war. As the two crews struggle to understand each other's timelines, they must also work together to leave the rift before they're stranded forever. Multiple queer characters, however the main romance plotlines are m/f.

One Last Stop by Casey McQiston*

Twenty-three-year-old August has a lot to deal with. She just moved to New York, got new job at a pancake diner, and acquired several slightly chaotic roommates. So what if she likes to flirt with the pretty girl on her subway commute? But Jane turns out to be more than just a charming stranger: she's lost in time, displaced from the 70s, and unable to leave the subway. Romance with a dash of timetravel sci-fi, One Last Stop is a delightful story of love and queer community.

The Women Could Fly by Megan Giddings*

In an alternate version of our present, the witch hunt never ended. Women are constantly watched and expected to marry young so their husbands can keep an eye on them. When she was fourteen, Josephine’s mother disappeared, leveling suspicions at both mother and daughter of possible witchcraft. Now, nearly a decade and a half later, Jo, in trying to finally accept her missing mother as dead, decides to follow up on a set of seemingly nonsensical instructions left in her will. Features a bisexual lead!

Salvation Day by Kali Wallace

A decade ago, the massive ship House of Wisdom was abandoned in orbit after its entire crew was killed in an outbreak in a matter of hours. Now, Zahra and her people hope to claim the ship as their own by kidnapping the sole survivor to gain access. But the danger of the House of Wisdom is far from gone. Horror, no major romance but has a major gay character.

Alien: Echo by Mira Grant

Young adult. Twin sisters Olivia and Viola's parents are both xenobiologists, bringing them all over the galaxy. Most recently they’ve settled on a new colony world to study its life, but it proves more dangerous than they could’ve ever imagined. Under attack from alien monsters, the sisters must keep each pther alive while also coming to terms with a dark family secret. Sapphic horror. Part of the Alien franchise but stands well on its own.

[velvetwyrme]

TOP FAVE READER INSERT UNDERTALE (OR ANY OTHER AU’S) FICS???? /genq /nf

>:3c

Oh you don't have to worry about forcing me. I've been wanting to do this for a while and you just gave me the perfect excuse!!!

List under the cut because it's LONG and I love to chatter.

A little note before you continue: I won't pick any PURELY explicit fics (... with a couple exceptions) since if I did, I'd be here forever

BUT fair warning that some of these will be dark, and may deal with heavy topics. Some will also have some spicy/explicit content in them, but I'll do my best to mark them accordingly! (I won't mark ones with just suggestive themes/moments, since I cant guarantee I'll catch all of them. Similarly, unless there is graphic death or gore, I won't mark it as such.)

I have also included the STATUS of each fic as such: Finished, Ongoing/Unfinished, Discontinued. Please note that unless the author specified that the fic is Discontinued or on Indefinite Hiatus, I will mark it as Ongoing/Unfinished. Oneshots are also marked as such.

ALSO for some of these fics it's been years since I last read them, so if I miss any warnings for them, that's why! As always, check the tags before reading and take care :]!!

MULTICHAPTERS

When Words Get Broken - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Featuring: Some of the best Papyrus characterisation that I’ve read. The most unkissable kissable skeleton. If you want to know what I mean by that, go read this fic. I love him so so so dearly.  

Life Like A Ghibli Movie - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

One of the fics ever. Broke me apart and put me together again. Lives permanently in my brain.

Vacuous Happiness - Sans/Reader - Finished

Rewired my brain. I feel like I went on a roadtrip which changed me irreversibly as a person. The same author is also writing a Firewatch inspired fic featuring UF!Sans which I’m enjoying as well :]

Thunderstruck - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you haven’t read Thunderstruck what are you doing. Go read it. You’ve probably already read this fic but go read it again!!!! One of my favourite portrayals of UF!Papyrus ever. Almost certainly has some amount of influence on the way I'm writing Flipping Fate.

You, Me, and Dr. G - W.D. Gaster/Reader

I love this fic so so much. *drinks it up like water*

This is part of a series that also contains fics I love; Story That Might Happen When You Date Sans (F) and Black Thumb (F), which are respectively a Sans/Reader and Asgore/Reader. Both are really good as well. This one is just my favourite out of the 3 though. The same author also wrote Just One Word (F), which is a soulmate AU Mettaton/Reader which I also enjoyed.

Teach Me How - Sans/Reader - Finished

I read this fic waaay before I realised I was somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum and hoooo boy my obsession with it when I was younger really makes sense now. Incredibly sweet, they go from hate to love, and the reader is aro/ace. It’s a little messy, but isn’t everything?

In writing this I also realised this is by the same author who wrote You, Me and Dr. G!!! >:O

Pursuit of Happiness - Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

SO good. Y'all at Rock Bottom babey!!

A Home for Mending Souls - Underfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

Extremely soft. Recovery/Healing fics beloved. I love the characterisation in this fic so much. Made me very emotional.

Backroads and Bad Jokes - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love this fic so much. Sooo many scenes live rent free in my head. I won't spoil things ;] I think it takes place in the same universe as A Home for Mending Souls?

The Nebular Theory - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If it's not obvious already, I absolutely adore this fic. You want some REALLY good characterisation? A juicy plot that has me wishing I had the space for a red-string theory board? An attention to canon details that make me scream? Communication between characters!!!!!

READ THIS FIC.

Love? It's Complicated - Series - Finished (...?)

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

I'm cheating here by linking the entire series (which is 11 fics of various levels of interconnectedness) but it's so worth it. This series tore my heart out, stomped on it, stuck it back in and gave me a sweet little kiss at the end. Several times over!! I cried like 4 times in one night while binging it!! Also this series contains one of the few OC/Canon stories that I enjoy!!

I actually read Burning Mountain first and then everything else in order and proceeded to LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND reading the first and second fics because OH. That's why the end of BM was so... OHhhhHHhhhh.........

The current fics included in the series are all finished, but I'm not sure if the author intends to come back to it in the future.

In the meantime, their other fics A Little Bit(ty) of Trouble (F) and Cold Blood, Warm Heart (O/U) have also stolen my heart. Those ALSO deal with dark, complicated topics so tread carefully and enjoy!

Bearskinner in Three Worlds - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The plot and writing has gripped me and won’t let go. The reader goes through so much and it’s so worth it. Loooove the polyamory negotiations. I don't want to spoil anything!!! Go read it!!

Penitent Island - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Really good plot and fun interactions! By the same author as Bearskinner. Did I mention I love this author's poly negotiations?

Transmigration of the Soul - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

One of the good ol’ classics. Japes! Drama! Romance! Really good plot! Apparently optional smut according to the tags! I don't recall that but it's a thing!

The impact of this fic can still be seen in the way I view Kindness souls and how they behave lol.

When Two Tsunderes Do on A Date, Does the Void Explode - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished (?)

This series is so so funny. They’re both kinda idiots. And they're both SUPER TSUNDERE. I love all the characters here so much.

My Dearly Detested Deliveryman - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Every single one of Little_old_lady’s fics are fucking hilarious. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. This one you go through enemies to lovers with your deliveryman. Just go read it already.

Black Coffee - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Soulmate AU!! Unbelievably silly. I love it so much. Papyrus is such a little shit here.

Pussycat, Pussycat, Where Have You Been? - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished

Another banger by Little_old_lady. Both Papyrus and the reader are so dumb I love them. Also Sans is a tsundere.

There’s a snake in my bed! - Mafiafell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Sans is a wholeass dumbass in this one. He's got a snake (think Daemons from His Dark Materials/The Golden Compass) who loves to go into your room. You like the snake too :D

The Skeleton Games - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content]

He’s so pathetic in this I love it. It's far more complicated than that but hrkjsjhsgf pathetic little guy.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Super heckin cute!!! I wanna give the reader a little smooch too. They are so lonely but they are making friends!!!

Dirty Laundry - Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

THE Swapfell fic. It had me in a vice grip when I read through it the first time. And the second. And the- you get it. Brilliant characterisation and really delicious talks about developing relationships and more.

Honestly all of this author’s works are fantastic, but in particular I love Roadside Attraction (O/U), Fur a Good Time, Call… (F) and also her AU vignettes… Flotsam & Jetsam, Not So Spooky-Scary and Make Your Mark.

A Smile From the East - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I read this way back when it was still updating and it has lived in my brain since. It has everything. UF!Papyrus in all his edgy glory. Flower shop AU. Angst. Romance. It's left me hanging for like 5 years waiting for the last chapter and I encourage you to let it do the same to you.

Re-Hate-tionship - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!! They hate each other so so much and they WILL fuck about it. Somehow despite being very very mean to each other, they are both very sweet.

Twice a Month I Fall In Love - SwapfellPapyrus/Reader/Swap!Papyrus - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love love love this fic (I even read it again pretty recently…) SF!Papyrus and the reader swap bodies twice a month. Romance and shenanigans ensue. The reader is not the hinge in this poly! Weird things happen when you kind of want to kiss some dude you met in this other guy’s body (who you incidentally are also falling for).

Becoming Edge - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Not only is this fic just so so sweet, but it also sparked me to start experimenting more with my wardrobe which has made me much happier. Actually cured my depression because of that (Partly anyway!)

Paper Flowers - Sans/Reader - Finished

[Warning: INCREDIBLY SAD]

I need to read this again, but I still feel like I can wholeheartedly rec it. I still remember enough that thinking about the title makes me want to cry, so...

Just a Little Offbeat - Bitty SwapBros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi. Not-so-secret about me. I love bitty fics. This one in particular is really good.

Bitty Hunt - Reverse Harem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

We all know the [Number] Skeletons and You" setup. We all know Bittybones AUS. But what if… YOU were the bitty? Who is incidentally a landlady? Lots of fun! Many shenanigans.

You all probably know this one but I still love it lol.

His Name Was Bob - Bitty Underfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

One of the OG bitty fics from my recollection. Really good!!!

Skeleton Kisses – Sans/Reader – Finished

SO heckin SWEET. You are in fact scared of him but it all works out :]

Tits and Dick – Underfell!Sans/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

I love them so dearly. They’re both so fucking stupid.

All the Right Moves - Dancetale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I almost got into colourguard because of this fic. I haven't read it in a long time so I can't guarantee anything about quality/content but... I really wanted to get into colourguard after reading this.

Honey, We Bee-Long - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

This is actually part of series but this is just the one I liked the most ;3c Pretty cute!!!!

New Home on the Range - Cowboy AU!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yeehaw. I love cowboys too much not to include this. The reader is described a lil bit, but I will overlook that because I want to kiss these boys sooooo bad. Papyrus in this is such a sweetie. Also plot >:3c

Where the Daffodils Grow - Papyrus Ensemble/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Chances are, at least some percentage of you are here because you saw the comic I drew of this fic. I love it so. Reverse harem set in Underswap!!! Lets GOOO!! PAPYRUS ENSEMBLE LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!

Cash It In - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Tumultuous soulmate AU!!!! WAH. Super super cute!!!!! UhhhhHH I FORGOT THERE'S SMUT FIRST CHAPTER BUT LISTEN OKAY I LOVE THIS FIC TOO MUCH TO NOT INCLUDE IT KAJDHJFH

Kintsugi - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

I found this fic last year but APPARENTLY I left kudos on it?? Years ago???? SO I GOT TO REREAD IT FRESH. Dramatic, tense, and a really good read overall.

Panic Room – Swapfell/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

This one you really REALLY need to read the warnings, but if it interests you, hot damn is it a good story. SUPER dark but chewed through my brain like drywall. The worldbuilding is spectacular.

In the Language of Flowers – Various/Reader (???) – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

One of the pioneers of the “Reader is a Sans” tropes. Slowburn to the nth degree. Extremely dramatic, it's fantastic. Marked as (???) for the relationship because IDK what the specific ending relationships are going to be. Also technically Sans/Sans since… the reader is a Sans? It gets complicated man.

Joined at the Hip - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Another Reader is a Sans fic. Enemies to lovers except you are also kinda sharing the same body?? SIGN ME UP. Again, gets complicated with romance stuff because of it.

The Wolf - Various/Reader(?) - Ongoing/Unfinished

As always, it gets confusing when they’re sharing a body. In this one I love that they get along and have all that figured out. Mostly. They have the problems of two people mashed into one body. Plus! I love the naming structure in this one. Also, I (as a reader) am simping hard for Orion. He’s off the table in the fic because he’s Gemini’s brother but PERSONALLY, I love him.

He was Real. – Horrorswap!Sans/Reader – Finished

In which you dream of a strange skeleton and- he’s REAL OH OKAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HELP HIM HUH. Fun concept, very well executed.

A collection of Fables and Romances – Sans/Reader (Various) – Ongoing/Unfinished Series

As the title implies, it’s a collection of short fics! All of them are very good :]

Poor Little Meow Meow – Killer/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

Killer adopts cats. He’s got so many cats. And also you :>

Still Counting – Sans/Reader Series - Finished

I’m not cheating by including this entire series- it’s all one long story. And goodness gracious is it a GOOD story. It’s got [REDACTED]- well shit I guess you just gotta go read it.

thinking of you. – Underswap/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished      

You think that Swap!Sans is a figment of your imagination, but whoop turns out he’s not!! He’s REAL babey!! Go kiss a ghost(ly skeleton) and a less than ghostly skeleton! Very cute.

Who Done It? - SpicyMobKustard/Reader - Finished

(Mafiatale!Sans/Fell!Papyrus/Reader/Fell!Sans Polycule)

The dynamics between characters are really good and it's got a solid mystery plot underscoring the developing romance :D Please note that the reader is Not the hinge in this poly- they are part of the polycule (and the only two who aren't dating are UF!Sans and UF!Papyrus, since they are related here) so if that's not your thing, don't click! If it is! Enjoy!!

R&R (Rabble & Rampallions) - Bad Sanses (plus)/Reader - Finished

This finished recently (as of writing) and it’s been such a wild ride. I want to read it again and again and again. And I will once I've let it settle in my brain more. I CRIED at the end.

Gloom & Doom All Up in Your Room - Bad Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you are craving more Bad Sanses content after finishing R&R… hey look there’s another brilliant fic featuring them guys. The vibe is different but still so good. Dust is very much bleeding out in your living room when you first meet him, which I feel sets the scene in terms of what sort of violence and/or gore you’ll see here.

Little Assistant - Bad Sanses/Bitty!Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

MORE Bad Sanses content. But they’ve got a bitty (you!) this time. The Star Sanses kinda accidentally suck in this, but they (or at least ONE of them) is trying to get better.

do you live with abusive skeletons? pull a power move and fuck their dad! - W.D. Gaster/Reader - Finished

Incredibly funny (and self-explanatory) title. I enjoy trope reversal and subversion >:3c

Blackcurrant - Horror Swapfell/Reader - HIATUS

Black adopts you as a pet because he doesn’t realise you are sapient. Mutt on the other hand is fully aware and thus is hostile towards you. Lots of fun :] Also very lovely art! Currently on hiatus though.

Skeleton Sisters and the Architect - Fem!Skeleharem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I’m so fucking gay. Girls. Holy shit. GIRLS. I am looking so respectfully. They’re all so cute and I love their names.

a full course meal - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

* Edited after note from the author! There are future installments planned 👀

A very cute series of oneshots centered around the reader and HT!Sans!!! HE’S SO BIG. WAIT THERE’S A THIRD PART I DIDN’T SEE THAT BEFORE.

Potato Soup (with a side of skeleton) - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

INCREDIBLY FUNNY PREMISE. Neither of them know how to open up but it’s somehow very endearing.

Chasing the End - Grillby/Reader - Finished

The plot had me yelling. Love some good old "before the barrier" content. We get to see baby Sans and Pap also!!!

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ONESHOTS

A Unique Definition - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Really cute oneshot! You steal US Paps’ hoodie and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

Honeydew - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Sweet! You meet him on a train and share honeydew it’s all very cute.

No Strings Attached - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Rewired the way I conceptualise UF!Sans. (The other fics in this series are explicit!)

Human Anatomy Fanatic - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

[Warning: Explicit content]

Papyrus is a little freak and loves every weird and strange part of your human anatomy. Some of the sections deals (briefly) with explicit stuff, but even then, it is more focused on Papyrus being SUPER FASCINATED by how human bodies work. Somehow!! Really cute!

Pat? - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

DOGY. DOGGY MEETCUTE. Super cute!! Very embarrassing!!!! PATS!!!!!!

Emotional Drought - Bitty Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

LONG oneshot. Very good. Prepare for complex relationships and also a delightfully open and ambiguous ending. I love this one to bits.

Soulmate of the Century - Nightmare!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The sillies. Really silly. Super cute.

Black Coffee Isn’t Too Bitter - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Black sends Chara and Mutt to tell a human he likes them. They do a spectactularly bad job at it, but someone better than when he goes in to tell them himself. It works out somehow.

Red and the Bitty - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The title says Bitty, but it’s Red who’s the giant. You get sacrificed to the big bad monster and he’s an ass about it. Somehow, still pretty cute.

=========================

MISC. READER INSERTS

For the non-romantic/platonic fics that are still reader inserts.

Bitty Reader Adventures -Various & Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

THE bitty reader fic. Series of fics. Whatever. The OG!!! I used to reread these all the time and I still like em :]

Help, I've Fallen Into a Surveillance State and I Can't Get Up! - Reader is a Sans/OC, Platonic Relationships - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yes, there is one chapter so far. Yes, it is 17k words long.

I am so fucking obsessed with this fic. It’s got trope subversion, absolutely amazing worldbuilding, snappy writing, black comedy and light-hearted normalcy in the face of horrors, paired with just enough serious introspection to balance it out?? WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT. I want to eat this fic whole. Also there is lovely art ;>

Street Kitty - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

YOU’RE A KITTY. You menace Sans. You are literally the best cat.

Pieces - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

I need to reread this again, but this was another one that ingrained itself into my bones. You wake up as a flower (like Flowey) and you essentially turn into Frisk’s guide. Love this fic to bits.

Monsters Should Be Cute! - Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Pumpkin is a menace and I love him. The undefined-other-reader-dash-underling is also a great character.

Oops, I have a Naga - Naga Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Sweet fic !!!!! Real cute! You have a naga now! A naga with TRAUMA.

Tib and Rib – Sans & Papyrus & Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

This one has me crying and weeping. BLASTER BOYS. On account of the power dynamics here being messed up, this is more a platonic/QPP kinda deal. They hurt so much but they are recovering!!! It updated while I was writing this! Let me go cry!!

Honey, I’m in the mafia. – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi mossy. You thought I would include the fic you wrote inspired by my own fic?? THINK AGAIN. This fic is freakin hilarious. You have to babysit Mafiafell!Sans and Papyrus who are young teens. This can only go well.

(I actually read it the other day but realised I didn't leave kudos. djfgfgkjkajsdkjsd)

Up in the Attic – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

You’re a kid who lives in the Swapfell’s attic. They become your guardians :D

=========================

NON-READER INSERTS

You thought I was DONE? HAHAHA ha. I had to include these.

One by One – Finished

… (Knock, knock, knock)

If you need an indication as to how much I love this fic; I wrote out the last line on a blackboard and that remained on my wall for at least 5 years. It’s since been rubbed off, but I can still recite it to this day.

Cathartic AND beautiful. I've read this many times and also tried to copy-paste by hand into a word document before I realised Ao3 had a download feature.

Day to Day and One by One’s sequel, Truant similarly demolished me.

Brothers Beyond Bonedaries - Finished

Another fic which I haven’t read in years but really should. Both Sans and Papyrus are fallen humans who die and then...? Well go read it and find out ;]

How to raise your bitty - Finished (?)

Don’t have a brother? Storebought Adopted is fine! AKA. Razz (SF!Sans) gets a bitty named Slim (SF!Papyrus). I love it dearly. Again, it’s a series, so the series is technically unfinished, but each individual fic is complete.

The Planet Sanses - Ongoing/Unfinished

REALLY fun concept- what if Blue recruited the Bad Sanses to also help out when the other Star Sanses are busy. Thus the Bad Sanses become!! THE PLANET SANSES. The rest of the series is also fun- I liked the first fic, Blood Moon the most though :]!!

Remembrance - Finished

Some old-school Papyrus angst. This one is the first Undertale fic I bookmarked and thus holds an important place in my heart. Papyrus is so so so sad.

Appreciation for Honesty - Finished

AND WHAT’S THIS? MORE PAPYRUS ANGST? You can really see I was going through it back then. This one similarly broke my heart. You ever think about how many lies Papyrus is told? He does.

Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

*Deep breath* Okay so. This is pure whump. Papyrus gets hurt. He gets hurt and it gets better but oh my goodness gracious does he get hurt.

If you want to read about Papyrus getting broken (in more ways than one) then you should read this fic. If you don’t, then go read one of the other fics I’ve linked that have nicer themes. Something funny. Or cute.

The Pap Chat Logs – Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

Read these if you want to be SAD. These are mostly chatlogs from an old discord server (that I actually joined and never talked in) which all deal with a great amount of PAPYRUS ANGST. Please note that these talk about a lot very very heavy content. Read the tags and click away if you need to.

In particular, I’d recommend Deitale and "The Great Papyrus" is an Excellent Host- the latter has also been turned into a comic! (Which you should also read, if you haven’t already)

=========================

And there we are! I ran out of links! Not as in I don't have more fics I want to add to this list, but rather tumblr only allows you to add 100 links. Augh. Suffering.

But I don't want to end it on such an angsty note!!! SO... the only logical course of action is to link...

SAUCY FICTION!! - Finished

[Warning: EXPLICIT!!!!! Talk about dicks and boobs!!!]

The only fully explicit fic I will link here. It is the funniest thing I’ve read in my life. Also, there’s a comic of it. I never need to read anything else in my entire life ever.

Wait, there’s a sequel-

=========================

This list in theory is much longer, but I was forcibly cut short by tumblr's limit to 100 links per post. Theoretically I could do a reblog and add more, but I've already gone on long enough. Tumblr Is barely letting me save this post as is ^^"

Also, I'm terrible at remembering to bookmark fics I like, so there's probably a ton I missed!!! :( Not to mention a few have been deleted since I last went and looked :< snowflakeimagines' Meet Ugly series... I would have added you to my list if I could.

There were a bunch of "weirder" fics that didn't make the cut, but this is still a pretty comprehensive list of fics I like :]

If any of yall have recommendations... hand them over. I have gone through the entirety of the reader insert tags, but somehow I still miss things.

Thank you for reading ;3c!!

[karenandhenwilson]

Thoughts about Eddie's season 7 arc

We've all talked a lot about the scene were Buck comes out to Eddie. With good reason. It was an important scene for Buck and it was a great scene for any queer person watching how it can be to come out to a good friend and be just accepted.

But I think that we might have missed something important about Eddie because our focus was understandably on the second half of that conversation.

And that we missed something about his storyline in the second half of the season. Eddie says to Buck "You and Tommy have the right idea. Stay single!" (And yes, I know, the Eddie gay truthers have talked about the line, but I think they missed the point because they only have the goal to find proof for their headcanon in the analysis of any given scene. For the record, I'm firmly in the camp of headcanoning(!) Eddie on the demi end of the aro/ace spectrum.) He also mentions he would need to break up with Marisol a couple of sentences earlier.

I think aside from the whole Catholic aspect, it says a lot about Eddie's mindset regarding his relationship. Because it shows that he doesn't think much about how to work through his discomfort, how to reconcile with Marisol and truly start anew with their relationship, despite us seeing them say those words.

I think what we see in this scene of Eddie's thoughts is already an indication of what will happen later in the season. Despite just having asked Marisol to move in with him, he doesn't really hold tightly to the relationship. I think we see here, that part of Eddie is already out of that relationship even if he doesn't recognize that. Or maybe he does recognize it and that's the reason why he suddenly asked Marisol to move in with him. Because there was no indication of that before this episode--Marisol moving in with Eddie and Chris came completely out of the blue.

So, it's probably no wonder that Eddie didn't even hesitate when he told Kim that it was just him and Chris. I have already shared some thoughts about Eddie's quest to look for a woman in his life to fill a role that nearly everyone tells him he needs to fill here. I'm convinced that is the only reason he still held onto the relationship with Marisol at this point.

Overall, I think it's a brilliant piece of storytelling of how Eddie's storyline in the second half of the season was foreshadowed in the first half. There is not just this insight in his thoughts about his relationship with Marisol aside from his reaction to her being a nun in episode 5.

The whole foreshadowing started right in episode 1, when Chris struggles with Shannon's abandonment. (And I think the letter is bullshit. And it's especially bullshit to pretend that it just solved all of Chris' complicated feelings surrounding his mother.) For one, of course, there is Shannon's ghost showing up when Chris reads the letter which is in retrospect a big sign that there was more to come. But there is also Eddie's very raw desperation we see in those scenes.

It is really very clearly written over the whole first half of the season that something would come up about Shannon and Eddie would once more be caught up in his grief--that I believe he never truly worked through.

I shared my thoughts about this in a little post a couple of weeks ago, too, but I think it's worth repeating it: Grief isn't linear. It comes back to haunt you in unexpected ways even years after losing someone.

What we see of Eddie's grief this season isn't anything of what we have seen previously. Because it's brought back by his son growing up and reaching a time in his life where he starts questioning his childhood memories, and where he starts processing those memories differently. If Chris has to deal with everything he feels and thinks about his mother again, of course Eddie is confronted with all of it, too. Chris questioning his mother's actions means that Eddie has to face these exact same questions and that might give him another perspective, too.

So, as much as I hate the whole Kim part of this storyline, the more I think about it, the more I believe it's overall a very good story. One we'll see continued in season 8 (at least I'd be very surprised and disappointed if it's just forgotten as other storylines were in the past).

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hey there! some time ago i saw a comic by an ace person about how their friend described being a nb lesbian + the relationship between gender and sexuality and the ace wondered where that left them with their own gender. for the life of me i can’t find it anywhere and thought maybe i had seen it here??? if not, could you perhaps share some words on the relationship between gender and asexuality/aromanticism???

I do not know this comic, but if any followers know it or have an idea where to find it, help would be appreciated!

As for the relationship between aro/aceness and gender, I think it's definitely something that's really complicated. But for whatever reason there is definitely a large correlation between identifying as ace and/or aro and also being trans/nonbinary. Which is really interesting.

The 2019 Ace Community Survey for example shows 27% of respondents did not identify as either male or female, and 17.9% identified as trans. Which is a quite a bit larger percentage than the general population. And this is generally consistent.

And there's a few theories around to why, maybe it's because asexual communities are more accessible to people already involved in other lgbtqia+ communities. Or maybe it's connected to autism, since autism is both more common in ace and aro communities and nonbinary communities. And autistic people are also much more likely to ID as ace/aro or nonbinary as well.

But I also think a lot about how even though we define gender and orientation differently, those identities are intertwined in the way that we define them. So for example, someone attracted exclusively to women doesn't identify as a person attracted to women, they usually identify as someone of their gender who's attracted to women. And I've always wondered if there's something about attraction and orientation that also connects us to a point to our gender. Or if orientation for some people can be part of how they understand their gender identity or connect to their gender identity as well.

And this is purely anecdotal, but I've had this conversation multiple times with ace/aro spectrum people, and it seems even among aces and aros who identify as cis that they often still feel a connection between being ace/aro and how they perceive their gender or how they think about their gender. I'm definitely not saying this is everyone who IDs as ace/aro (and definitely nonbinary/trans ace/aro people may also not feel their orientation and gender identity are connected), but it seems to be something a lot of aces and aros experience.

I'm going to throw this one out to followers, if anyone has their own thoughts or opinions on this (and replies on both feeling and not feeling like your identity as ace/aro and gender identity are connected are welcome), please do feel free to share!

All the best, Anon!

[thatsamericano]

Some Sexuality Headcanons for this Story

Since Alfred trying to figure out his sexuality has become a bigger part of this story, there will be at least some brief mentions of the sexualities of some other characters in this story. So here are the headcanons I’m using.

Matthew: straight, and he hasn’t looked into it much, but I think if he did, he might realize he’s on the ace or aro spectrums too. He hasn’t been interested in that many girls other than Katya, but I don’t think it was quite as extreme as Alfred’s fixation on Savino and no one else.

Katya: bisexual, and she’s really happy about her boyfriend wearing his ally shirt to school even though he was doing it for his brother after he got bullied because it feels like a statement of support for her as well. Her boyfriend is straight, but she feels comfortable talking about her attraction to girls with him because he’s a secure, supportive straight guy.

Magnus: gay, and his type is dudes that are smaller/skinnier than him (so his boyfriend Lukas, and Savino just a little, although Alfred is completely oblivious about the Savino part, LOL)

Tolys: bi, and his boyfriend Feliks is pan. They’re fine with each other using the terms that make them most comfortable.

Emma: lesbian, and right now Savino and Katya are the only ones who know. Savino because he’s Emma’s ex-boyfriend and their breakup did have to do with the fact that she’s a lesbian, and Katya because she asked why Emma had been avoiding eating lunch with everyone even after getting back in touch with Savino. They become closer after Emma comes out to her because they’re both WLW, but in a friendship way since Katya just wants to be with Matthew and Emma is fine being friends too after she gets over her one-sided crush.

Kiku: I’m leaning towards making him ace/aro since I haven’t given him a boyfriend or girlfriend, but I’m not sure if he has officially labeled himself yet. This factors into the plot because Kiku senses that Alfred is like him in this respect and just doesn’t like people that way (which was true before Savino showed up in his life). He’s known Alfred since the third grade, and Alfred has never had a crush on anyone or even mentioned finding a celebrity attractive. When Savino asks him about Alfred soon after he starts sitting at their lunch table, Kiku basically says Alfred is ace/aro without using that exact terminology since he doesn’t want to label Alfred without his permission. It also factors into why he’s so awkward when he runs into Alfred and Savino in the library, because they were making out in a very heated way. Even if Kiku could be romantically interested in people, I don’t think he’d feel comfortable making out with them like that even behind closed doors, so he felt very uncomfortable seeing his friends like that in a semi-public setting.

Antonio, Augusto, Savino, and Feliciano: All bi, and Chiara is in the midst of figuring herself out, but I think she’ll end up calling herself bi too. For Savino and Feliciano, part of the reason they go with bi rather than other terms is that Antonio and their nonno call themselves bi, so they like the family connection. Savino also isn’t a fan of explaining his sexuality to people, so he doesn’t want to use some term and then get a “what’s that?” in response. With Savino specifically, he’s more frequently attracted to girls or woman-aligned people, so he can’t say gender isn’t a factor for him, and pansexual is not a good fit. I think Chiara will end up using bi for all the reasons Savino does (liking a girl is new for her, she doesn’t want to explain it to people, and she likes calling herself bi the way some people in her family do).

Arthur: gay as the day is long, and he was particularly loud about it back in high school when he was dealing with his homophobic parents (hence stuff like rainbow glitter jeans). He can still be loud about it as an adult, like with his Elton John Halloween costume he wore a few years before the story starts.

Francis: pansexual, though for most of his life he would have used the term bisexual since that’s been around longer. When he found the term pansexual, it really resonated for him, so he mostly switched over to using that. He doesn’t mind explaining it to people, though he does get tired of the jokes about being attracted to pans (but he thinks if people are being that shitty about it, they wouldn’t be much better if he said he was bi).

Alfred: At this point, he definitely knows he is capable of being attracted to Savino and gender-variant versions of his boyfriend. Pansexual might fit him, but he isn’t sure about using that as a label since his sexuality is so confusing to him already that he doesn’t want to get more questions about it and would be more sensitive to jokes about him being attracted to pans than Francis is. Before this story, he basically thought he was ace/aro but didn’t have the words for it. He’s definitely not completely ace or aro because of Savino, but he’s on both spectrums, and I think he might settle on calling himself gray-romantic and gray-sexual eventually. Demisexual is sort of close too, because he only realized he was attracted to Savino that way after knowing him for months but may have had unrecognized sexual attraction before that, but demiromantic doesn’t because he definitely fell in love with Savino at first sight even if he didn’t get that’s what was happening to him at the time. He avoids discussing his sexuality with specific terminology most of the time because it’s not anyone’s business and he’s insecure about the fact that it seems weird and complicated compared to everyone else’s. He might use the bi/pan label and then follow it up with the ace and aro spec labels because the ace and aro spec part is just as important to him as the gender thing if not more so. But he’d only do that with someone he’s close to who he feels he can trust and who will believe him when he says he’s bi but really only attracted to his boyfriend and imaginary gender-variant versions of him.

[purity-town]

Happy Pride! The whole cast is LGBTQ+

I wanted to draw a whole lineup of everyone with their pride flags but just didn’t have the time for it, so instead I’ve dropped some character headcanons below the cut!

As a quick disclaimer, feel free to interpret character identities in this AU however you want, or headcanon characters not specifically mentioned here as also being LGBT+ in the Purity Town AU. As mentioned before, I occasionally write one-shots set in this AU, and those are really the only places where characters might explicitly refer to their identities; in-comic certain identities might be suggested but not outright stated, so- just take this all as my headcanons, in the sense that the characters I’m writing gave me that impression and I’m sort of working with it.

Anywho!

Chris (The Hero): Chris is gay and nonbinary. He’s fine with traditionally masculine terminology (and uses he/him pronouns, though he doesn’t mind if people use they/them). He would consider himself gay, and is comfortable with his partners also calling themselves gay and referring to Chris as their boyfriend/other similar wording, but he also likes wearing skirts and such without having it be hyper-feminine. Chris’s identity can be summed up with “gender euphoria, not gender dysphoria.”

(As a note, when I write him, I occasionally will have phrases like “other man” in reference to him. It’s just...a part of the mess of gender identity. So, to reiterate, that sort of language in regards to him is fine, he doesn’t mind all that much, but in his personal gender expression he’s also not a man? But also a guy? As will be uttered many times in regards to identity, it’s complicated. It really is. I do generally avoid directly referring to him as a man in writing for simplicity’s sake.)

Andrew (The Guide): Andrew is biromantic/asexual wrapped up in a thick layer of “Probably, I suppose, it’s weird” (add in a few vague hand gestures here for good measure). He and his last partner were in a queerplatonic relationship, and he doesn’t exactly date anymore because...well, because of his entire situation, literally all of it.

(I also headcanon him as trans -- only partially courtesy of this fic -- but since there’s a magical trans-yer-gender potion in-game and it’s been like 450 years since he came out, you could argue that it isn’t as currently impactful to him in the current day. Or you could headcanon him as being cis. Ultimately what it all amounts to is that he’s a guy.)

Alalia (The Dryad): She’s aro/ace! I just can’t see her as having anything beyond close partnerships, and while she and Andrew are both ace, they sit on different parts of the spectrum. Her being aro/ace isn’t necessarily related to her being a Dryad, it’s just a her thing. (You can also consider gender identity in the same sense that, say, the Gems in Steven Universe are all ladies but also sexless, but I don’t think that that’s really something the Dryad dwells on. Terraria and the Dryads are typically all denoted using feminine terminology, and Dryads appear similar to human women, so that’s what she goes with.)

Becca (The Zoologist): She’s pan! The other actor in the bi/pan solidarity between her and the Guide, let’s go! She’s dated women before, currently has a crush on the Witch Doctor. She’s experimented with other labels that overlap with pan but- this one just feels the most right.

These are the four I’ve thought the most about, but that’s not to limit other characters from also being LGBT+. I rather like headcanons for the Stylist not being straight and the Arms Dealer being bi, and so on. I just have less to say on them than these other characters.

In any case, thanks for reading! As I said in the disclaimer, these are some of my own thoughts and interpretations, so I’m open to hearing other folks’ thoughts on things as well.

Happy Pride!

[libraryleopard]

not tryna be rude but educate

as an allo you can still care about aces and aros

it's not a case of "this resonates with aspects" but "he literally described being ace, it was canon"

shatterstar says he had never experienced any form of attraction until he went to the club in #43, which puts him on both the ace and aro spectrums

he goes on to say he doesn't have the emotional ability for sexual attraction

it wasn't a headcanon, it was basically canon

he can still be ace and aro-spec and bi which is why I suggest ace demibiro shatterstar

Hi, sorry it took me such a while to answer your question, there’s more under the cut.

Hm…I think we may have different interpretations of that scene and of Shatterstar's sexuality? I see Shatterstar as someone who has a complicated relationship to sex and romance that has been rather ignored or eroded by later writers, but I'm not sure I see him as being written as canonically asexual during that time period in comics just because of how his upbringing caused him to believe he had no emotions, including sexual or romantic ones. The way I see it, Shatterstar in X-Force is a teenager who has come from a place where any kind of love is discouraged–familial, platonic, romantic, or sexual–and he’s been told he is a living weapon who should care only about his fighting skills. (I think his conversation with Warpath in X-Force 26, I think, sums up his earlier viewpoint pretty clearly.) His time in X-Force is when he unlearns a lot of the emotional brainwashing from Mojoworld by becoming part of a team, learning to care about others, and realizing he has romantic feelings for Rictor. I think this response by an aspec fan about Shatterstar’s sexuality in relation to his upbringing, being coded as autistic, and being written by different writers sums it up much better than I could. 

I do agree with you that more generally I have not enjoyed the way writers have handled Shatterstar’s sexuality and relationships–Peter David making him this really promiscuous person who sleeps around and kisses random people felt out of character to me and Tim Seeley retconning his earlier relationship with Gringrave into existence personally made no sense to me. 

I feel kind of bad disagreeing with you over this because 1) I think ace/aro representation is important and 2) Marvel has certainly not always handled their queer characters that well and I’m not trying to defend them as a paragon of representation or anything, I just don’t necessarily think this was a case of a canon aro/ace character’s sexuality being mishandled. And like I said earlier, I still do like the headcanon that Shatterstar is demi.

Normally the way that I personally deal with frustration surrounding the treatment of queer characters in franchise-owned media is by going and supporting other media by independent creators who are more likely to handle queer representation better than a corporation. I don’t know if this is helpful for you at all, but I was compiling a list of science fiction and fantasy books with ace and/or aro representation for a friend who mentioned they were looking for some, so I guess I’ll drop it here in case you find that helpful? (If not, feel free to ignore me, I would just feel weird disagreeing with you but saying ace/aro representation is important without elaborating.)

Books I’ve read and would recommend:

The Spy With the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke is a book about queer Jewish magicians during WWII and one of the narrators is a gay, demisexual guy (it's historical fiction so those words aren't used, but he pretty clears describes himself as not being attracted to anyone except his male childhood friend). It's not very X-Men, but it does have kind of a superhero vibe in that it reminds me a bit of the Captain America movies.

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger is a cool urban fantasy murder mystery I read recently and the protagonist is an aromantic asexual Native American girl. 

The Perfect Assassin by K.A. Doore is an adult fantasy book is about a guy from a family of assassins who just kind of wants to be an archivist instead but gets caught up in a murder mystery. The protagonist is gay and asexual.

Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria is a young adult fantasy novel–there's a couple protagonists because it's an ensemble cast, but one of them is an aromantic asexual girl. It's very "teenage rebels" which might generally appeal to a fan of X-Force, IDK?

Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim is a young adult fantasy book about a girl on a revenge quest who gets caught up in a world of crime and secrets, the protagonist is a demisexual girl (heteroromantic, I think?). I enjoy the protagonist’s arc of “I'm only supposed to care about knives and revenge but aw fuck I’ve caught feelings for this guy whose father ruined my life.” Also, her best friend is an aroace guy.

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand is a creepy urban fantasy book about cults and monsters, it has a couple main characters, but one of them is an asexual girl who has a subplot figuring out her relationship with her boyfriend after she realized she doesn't care about sex.

Other books with ace and/or aro-spectrum representation that I haven't read but have heard good things about:

Cute Mutants by S.J. Whitby (young adult superhero/sci fi book with a questioning panromantic asexual lead, also apparently has really strong X-Men vibes so probably the most relevant in terms of wanting a similar story/genre)

The Butterfly Assassin by Finn Longman (upcoming young adult thriller with an ace lesbian lead, scheduled for release in 2022, apparently it has a similar unlearning-your-upbringing-as-a-human-weapon character arc that a Shatterstar fan might like)

Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace (adult sci fi with genetically engineered super soldiers that similarly maybe could appeal to Shatterstar fans, aromantic asexual protagonist)

The Wolf Among the Wild Hunt by Merc Fen Wolfmoor (adult fantasy novella with aroace characters)

Fourth World by Lyssa Chiavari (young adult sci fi with asexual + demisexual protagonists)

Tarnished Are the Stars by Rosiee Thor (young adult sci fi with aromantic asexual protagonist)

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow (young adult sci fi, biromantic demisexual protagonist)

The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis (young adult sci fi with a questioning ace lesbian protagonist)

Beyond the Black Door by A.M. Strickland (young adult fantasy with a demibiromantic asexual protagonist)

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee (young adult sci fi w/ superheroes, third in a series, questioning aromantic asexual protagonist)

This Golden Flame by Emily Victoria (young adult fantasy with an aromantic asexual protagonist)

Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson (young adult fantasy, aromantic asexual protagonist though it’s apparently somewhat subtle and will be elaborated on in the sequel)

What We Devour by Linsey Miller (young adult fantasy with a biromantic asexual protagonist)

Belle Revolte by Linsey Miller (young adult fantasy, biromantic asexual protagonist)

Green Rising by Lauren James (young adult sci fi, one of the three central characters is aromantic and asexual)

Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia (young adult urban fantasy, asexual protagonist)

The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl (young adult fantasy, one of the 4 protagonists is aroace)

The Last 8 by Laura Pohl (young adult sci fi, aromantic bisexual protagonist)

Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace (adult fantasy/dystopian with an aromantic asexual protagonist)

The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis (adult sci fi, I believe that of the several main characters one is panromantic and asexual)

Little Black Bird by Anna Kirchner (young adult fantasy, questioning asexual character protagonist and love interest)

[qandgay]

Hi

So... I'm here to ask for some advice about my daily sexual crisis

I am an asexual heteromantic, or atleast I think. At first I was only questioning about the hetero part, but now I think that I'm also an aro?

I know that my attraction with guys is fine-I see them, talk to them and often leads to flirting. Like I said, guys are very much fine. I would like to have a romantic relationship with a guy someday but everytime I'm with them, I was like "ok, where's that spark they're saying, you know that falling in love thing?" Now I don't know, I'm incapable of romantic love? I want a romantic love. But it's just not clicking and doing it for me?

About the hetero part, I just want to say that ladies wearing suits are damn jaw dropping. Ladies cross dressing, well they're just in on another level. Yup, maybe I should stop pretending to be straight.

But, what's wrong with me. I also tried flirting with ladies. It's very fine too. Just that it's really not clicking, the romantic part. Also, while I fancy to have a romantic relationship with guys, I dont with women. Some of them are just really attractive. So i think that that also makes me bi. Or not?

It's not that I don't want to be in any romantic relationship, I want to. I really do. But I just can't attach myself to anything connected romantically. And I know aromanticism is having little to none of romantic attraction, so does that put me on aro spectrum too?

Wow, I'm putting a lot of pressure for you to answer. I am so so sorry, it's just it always bugs and I like to have another person have their say about my chaotic stuffs.

I rather ask anonymous people here than anywhere else, so thankyou in advance I guess?

no worries!!! this blog is meant for questions like this!!!

so... romantic love is complicated. i (hollow) am demiromantic, so im aspec! it took me a long time to figure out and come to terms with my identity for some of the same reasons you are! i never felt that *click*, or the spark everyone talked about. but i have fallen in love before

here's the thing,,, you can do romantic things and be in a romantic relationship without being romantically attracted to someone!!! you can be sensually attracted, aesthetically attracted, etc etc.

i don't think anything is wrong with you. i identify as queer because i had similar struggles to you!! so that's what i call myself instead of gay or bi or omni. it's more comfortable

don't feel pressure to label it right now. it can be hard, but sometimes going with the flow and just figuring yourself out is what's best!

(i apologize for the weird wording, im sick DBJBAWJDBW maybe mod gabriel will rb later with more insight)

[aceofwhump]

Hi Ace! I recently began exploring my identities as a whump fan (definitely) and as ace/aro (maybe??) so as you can imagine, I've been spending a lot of time around your tumblr. I'm curious, since you identify as both, where you would draw the line between aro and ace? I know there's obviously a spectrum for everything, but...I'm wondering where you're at. Feel like I'm leaning more towards aro than ace, which is...emotionally confusing. Tysm for all that you do and for, you know, being you. <3

Hi there!

Okay that's a good question with a kind of complicated answer because I spent a long time confused and it's hard to put into words what I've figured out. But I shall try and hopefully it helps!

My asexuality and aromanticism overlap a lot. Like I have a hard time distinguishing between them sometimes and it made it difficult trying to figure out my romantic orientation because I couldn't figure out what was what kind of hard lol. Thinking back on it, I should have realized I was aro long before I did but a lot of the stuff that I now realize was connected to my aromanticism I thought was just a part of asexuality. It took several posts of poeple saying "that's actually more aromanticism than asexuality" and me going "Whaaat???". Turns out it was under the aro umbrella but because it was all connected to me I didn't see the distinction.

So my line, the one I drew to try and figure out what was ace and what was aro inside of me, was whether what I felt, or what I didn't feel, was more physical or more emotional. Thinking like that helps me figure out which part of myself it falls under. Although nowadays I don't care much which it falls under because it's all just AroAce to me now.

Sorry it's really hard to put into words for some reason. I don't fully understand the differences myself half the time. It's all lumped into "I don't feel that" and it's hard for me to distinguish between the two. I have to sit down and go "okay that feeling is more about physical stuff so it's probably my asexuality." or "okay this one is about romance and dating so that's my aromanticism." But it's not always so clear.

Okay for example, when this one guy liked me and wanted to go out on a date I didn't identify as aromantic yet so I thought my reasons for not wanting to were all because of my asexuality. And some of it was. The lack of attraction, not wanting to kiss or hold hands or being touched by anyone. But there were other things about dating that fall more under aromantic than I realized at the time. Like everything about being on a date and the fact that i felt no romantic pull towards them. But at the time it was all the same for me.

So I guess i fall more towards my asexuality because I know it better within myself and I accepted it sooner than my aromanticism but it's all under the same overlap for me.

Does this make any sense?? Hopefully something here makes sense and is helpful?

(Also thank you so much! That's very sweet of you to say! ❤❤)

[delusion-of-negation]

so I keep it on the dl, in that I tell almost nobody and silently stew, but I actually do still have some issues with sexuality and gender.

the thing is, I know the basics, and I've known the basics for a long ass time - I have gender dysphoria, I'm obviously trans, and I obviously like men and women. but there's these intricacies that in my case aren't so simple to ascertain. like preferences and romantic attraction (or lack thereof) and exactly how far along the spectrum of gender I go.

to be honest, I am so opposed to even questioning if I'm enby, not because of the actual facts of my situation, but because somebody once made a bet that I would come out as enby because I'm "too feminine" to really be a dude. there's a big part of me that doesn't wanna do a disservice to feminine transguys by reinforcing that.

transguys can be hella feminine, hella camp, hella flamboyant, and all of the words that they used to invalidate me... this is about my dysphoria, and the physiology that it targets, and the identity that it inspires, not about what clothes I wear or whether I sometimes do a lil jig when I'm excited. it would be horrible to feel like I was the reason that somebody out there felt vindicated in their prejudice.

plus, the people in my life are mostly "normies" who've only just got their head around the idea that I want a deeper voice, who still call me the wrong pronouns, who watched one (1) terfy detransitioner video and felt comfortable asserting that I'd end up in that spot, who say that they're only saying these things because they care... there's no way that these people (who I love despite this) will take me saying "well, it's a little more complicated" as anything but a "way in" when in comes to trying to "change my mind" about transition.

with romantic attraction, logically speaking I've been slowly accepting that identifying as aro makes the most sense when it comes to the primary function of these labels - to easily communicate the feelings that may or may not arise.

it's been a nightmare telling people over and over "I don't do romance, I don't connect in that way, I'm not going to feel anything" when they're interested. so often they say that they are totally okay with that, but then they get angry a few months down the line when it turns out that I was telling the truth and I still don't love them. they expected me to change, they thought that they were different, they took it as a challenge, whatever... but they never communicated that. they lied about their intentions to get with me, and then blamed me for the fallout.

the wording, in my opinion, contributes - you can say "I'm not wired that way, it won't happen" until you're blue in the face, but to some people that's still not a line in the sand. there's a strong argument to be made that saying the word "aromantic" has more power, in the same way that saying "I'm gay" has more power than "I'm not going to feel anything sexually towards you because you're a woman" because it sounds more conclusive and firm.

but my therapist theorised that maybe what I call romantic attraction is "intimacy" in a romantic context (in that it doesn't include intimacy in a platonic or sexual context), and that my lack of "romantic attraction" is actually my autism. she hypothesised that it's a reaction similar to the one that other autistic people sometimes have to physical contact.

if that's the case, or if I'm wrong for any other reason, then I don't want to misrepresent aromantic people by identifying as such. to be honest, I also don't really want to be the one explaining it to all of the aforementioned "normies" who aren't going to even know what it means.

but, while I definitely don't like other people expressing the intense kind of intimacy that a romantic relationship brings for them, I also don't feel those thing for them. if it was just that my autism didn't like it when it's directed at me, then why is it that I'm totally cool with such closeness once the romantic element is removed, and why aren't I feeling romantic feelings myself.

so I have so many really complicated questions about gender and romantic orientation, and my reluctance to align with an identity is mostly a fear of misrepresenting a community... surely, logically speaking, I should dictate what identity I align with based on which best communicates my experiences, not based on external factors. and yet here I am, overthinking the effect that my questioning could have.

sorry for the vent post, I'm just at the end of my tether with this situation and... to be honest, I don't like working these things out silently in the closet. it's uncomfortable and I feel like I'm lying, no matter whether I do or don't use the words.

plus... most people don't care. either they say "just say you're a slut" or they say "you just haven't found the one" and they think that they've presented you with an obvious and simple answer, something you must've never heard, considered, or already debunked in the ongoing challenge of mentally debating who you really are. and I don't blame them because they don't know how I feel, and to them these things are inconsequential and somewhat alien.

it's very nerve-wracking to think about all of the dismissive and judgemental and cruel remarks that I'm potentially opening myself up to... but if I got through all of the homophobia and biphobia that I faced, I should be able to handle a few people diagnosing me with sociopath because I struggle to connect romantically with others.

[ask-an-aro]

Recently, I queued a post on my blog reading: “Normalize aro people who don’t use the split attraction model.”

Yeah, I thought. Good idea. It’s important to remember that not everyone uses it.

After that, however, I started noticing how difficult it is to word aspec discussions in an inclusive way with that in mind. So, I decided to write an article about it. But, since I do use the SAM, it started to seem disingenuous to do so without asking for the perspectives of those who don’t. So I made a google docs survey.  I’m glad I did, because I got a lot of perspectives I wasn’t expecting.

Wait – back up – what even is the split attraction model?

The split attraction model (SAM) is a way of conceptualising attraction based on splitting it up into different types of attraction people can experience.

This is generally talked about as the split between sexual and romantic attraction, but many people also split the attraction they experience into other categories such as platonic, sensual, and aesthetic.

It was created by and for the aspec community, but people who are not aspec use it as well.

For example someone might be bisexual homoromantic i.e. They might experience sexual attraction to two or more genders and romantic attraction to the same gender.

People who have the same romantic and sexual attraction sometimes use it too – because they experience or conceptualise these attractions as separate. For example, it is very common for people to identify as asexual and aromantic separately rather than asexual, aromantic, or aroace as one identity.

However, the SAM is just a model and it doesn’t make sense for everyone to use it. This is not the way attraction inherently is – it is the way it is helpful for many people to interpret, understand, and explain their attraction(s).

So why use it in the first place if it doesn’t apply to everyone?

The SAM is a really helpful for interpreting and explaining attraction. It gives people the language to say: I am attracted to this person in this way, but not in this one.

I actually think it would be useful for understanding and working through feelings for people who aren’t aspec. Sometimes I explain this model to my allo friends when they talk about finding somebody attractive but not wanting a relationship with them, or vice versa.

But for many aspec people, it’s not just useful, but necessary. There is no real alternative for people who experience different attractions to different groups of people. I couldn’t even begin to explain how I experience attraction, being aromantic bisexual, without using the split attraction model.

It’s also a really easy way to explain what asexuality and aromanticism are. While we may not use the term “split attraction model,” it’s become the default way to explain what aromanticism even is to beginners. How else do you explain the concept of a romantic orientation than by opposing it from a sexual one?

If you do experience your attractions as split, the SAM can be a lifeline. Suddenly, what you’re feeling makes sense! You finally have the language to talk about it, and that’s vital for a large part of the community. But if it doesn’t make sense for you, or you just don’t want to use it for any other reason… that’s where we start to encounter problems.

Okay so why don’t people use it?

There are all sorts of reasons why someone may not want to use the SAM.

One reason that I have already alluded to, is that not everyone experiences “sexual and romantic attraction,” but “attraction,” which they may label using one of these terms, other terms, or not at all.

If we forget for the moment that the SAM exists, we might think that the corresponding identity for homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, etc, is asexual. This is how the term came to exist in the first place. It follows, then, that asexual people who don’t use the SAM may view their orientation in this way. The split attraction model then turns this into: “bisexual = bisexual and biromantic; asexual = asexual and aromantic.”

But, the fact that the SAM does exist complicates things. Other asexuals who don’t use the SAM don’t understand asexuality as “asexual and aromantic,” but chose not to adopt a romantic orientation at all, or do not identify with the concept of romantic attraction in the first place.

By the same token, we get people who identify solely as aromantic. This could be for any number of reasons: perhaps because they identify more with that label, they relate more to the experiences of the aromantic community, or they find that the concept aromanticism describes their experiences better.

There’s an assumption that people who identify as solely “asexual,” or “aromantic,” are basically “asexual and aromantic,” but this is not accurate for everyone and that assumption can be forced onto people, which is damaging.

There are also people who use some variation of “aroace” or “asexual aromantic,” as one identity, in the same vein as the way ”gay” and “bi” mean one orientation and not a combination of two. This is likely due to the fact that “asexual” and “aromantic” also exist as separate identities, it makes sense to acknowledge that for these people they mean both.

There are also people who don’t use it simply as a matter of preference, or have specific problems with the SAM, and don’t use it for those reasons. Some of these are:

Don’t relate to/ feel a connection with the language of the SAM

Do experience split attractions but don’t find the way the SAM splits attraction to be helpful

Find the SAM too confusing/ inaccessible

Identify with the aspec community for reasons that the SAM doesn’t help explain, e.g inability to determine between attractions

Okay so some people use it and some people don’t. What’s the problem?

Since the first instances of it’s use, the SAM was never meant to apply to everyone, just to those who find it useful. And yet, because so many people in the aspec community need to use it by virtue of the fact that there is no other option, in much of the community it is treated as a default. Our discussions and positivity posts tend to be based on this model of attraction as a given premise. For example, I recently looked at and reblogged this introductory brochure. I didn’t see a problem with it at the time, and I still think it’s a great attempt at aspec 101. But it largely ignores the existence of aspecs who don’t use the SAM.

I see this as a problem for a couple of reasons:

It is alienating to people who don’t use the SAM. I asked in my survey if aspecs who don’t use the SAM felt excluded in aspec discussions and the vast majority responded “yes” or “sometimes.” As one respondent to my survey put it: this community is “not a monolith.” It is not accurate to treat it as one.

We’re potentially alienating or confusing baby aspecs. If your first introduction to asexuality and/or aromanticism is using a model that doesn’t make sense to you – it might make the community less accessible.

This convention of explaining the ace and/or aro spectrums in terms of the SAM creates pressure for aspecs who don’t use the SAM to explain their identities to outsiders, newbies, and intra community discussions in terms of the SAM when they may not want to.

I don’t think this is an intentional effort to erase anyone. Partly, it’s because when you do conceptualise attraction as split, it becomes really difficult to understand it in any other way.

As well as this, as one respondent to my survey pointed out: it’s a reaction to exclusionists – the discourse around the SAM is exhausting and we’re left having to defend it’s existence. This can make us forget that it’s just an option, and not the only one at that.

Well what do you want me to do about it?

One respondent to the survey suggested we treat the SAM like “queer” in that it’s fine as a personal identity choice and to use about community discussions to a certain extent but to be mindful that it’s not okay to just assume everyone identifies with it. I thought that was a really good suggestion.

I also think it might be a good idea, when introducing people to the concept of asexuality and/or aromanticism, to present the SAM as just one option and not the default.  Unfortunately, this has the potential drawback of making introductions even more confusing. We already bombard newbies with a lot of information at once, and saying:

“Well there’s a model of attraction which splits sexual and romantic attraction so if you think you experience one but not the other or both but differently, or neither but differently you can use that OR you might not find it helpful to think of attraction in that way at all in which case maybe just look at a list of labels and check which your experience seems to relate to most?”

Well, it might just end up being more confusing. Personally, I think it’s worth it.

At the very least, I want to encourage people to stop making blanket statements like: “sexual orientations are different from romantic orientations.” Because, yes, they can be. Or they can not be.

Terminology:

Allo: used here to indicate both allosexual and alloromantic OR allosexual as a non SAM descriptor.

Allosexual: the opposite of asexual; not on the asexual spectrum.

Aspec: an umbrella term for anyone on the asexual spectrum and/or aromantic spectrum

Notes:

At the time of writing this, I have only received 22 useable responses to the survey of non SAM using aspecs. This sample is not large enough to represent every aspec who doesn’t use the SAM, and is likely skewed towards people who interact with the aspec community on tumblr, since that’s where I posted it.

One respondent to the survey had issues with my use of the word aspec (on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum) as it implies there is one aspec community rather than an asexual spectrum community and an aromantic spectrum community.

I used aspec because there is no other word that includes arospecs, acespecs, and aroacespecs who don’t use the SAM and the survey could apply to all of them. I continue to use it here, because there is no other word that includes the arospec, acespec, and aroacespec communities. The fact is that for some people aromanticism and asexuality are split and for some they are not. Some people are in both communities, some are in just one and for some being ace and aro is one single identity that they don’t think of as separate.

Another respondent mentioned concerns about the SAM sexualising queer identities. I have not addressed that here because I don’t feel comfortable mentioning it without clarifying that I don’t agree that this is the case, but I have addressed it on this blog.

I should also clarify that since I do use the split attraction model, while I’ve made an effort to hear from and include people who don’t, it should be noted that my perspective may be biased and I cannot speak for those who don’t use the SAM.

[infiniteglitterfall]

how difficult do you find it to express complete thoughts in words easily understood by others

A poet friend of mine posted that on Facebook. He said a lot of other stuff about it, about feeling like his own thoughts are constantly just out of the grasp of his own lingual facility, and thinking that we literally all have much more complicated ideas than we are capable of sharing, and end up using compromised shorthands in order to make any progress at all.  But obviously that one sentence really jumped out at me, autistically.  I think that there are two big factors involved for me. One is that it depends on the topic. There are some things it seems to be easy for people to find words for. And then there are so many aspects of human experience that our culture doesn't really support, or outright silences. It's hard to put those things into words without puzzling it out with other people who have the same experiences. Like, I think that the nature of language is by definition going to involve using a lot of inexact ideas and shorthands to try to be understood. So in a way, that's something everyone experiences to some extent. But the more experiences you have that aren't in the mainstream, the more difficult it will be.  (For example, it took me ages to realize I was aro because the only words I had for my feelings were “crush” and “in love.” I didn’t examine what other people were using those to describe, because there was no other alternative in my head. Having no other words meant that I couldn’t even realize there was something else to explore. It took reading a lot of aro people’s experiences to go, “wait, what I was experiencing was a friend crush or a ‘squish!’ what I think of as ‘in love’ is different than what these other people mean!” I still don’t totally understand what other people are experiencing, I just see that there’s a big difference, especially in the beginning of the relationship.)  The other is neurodiversity. The first thing I think when I see "HOW DIFFICULT DO YOU FIND IT TO EXPRESS COMPLETE THOUGHTS IN WORDS EASILY UNDERSTOOD BY OTHERS" is "YES  FUCK WORDS, WORDS ARE HARDDD." And how much easier it is to make words when I am writing them down, and have time to think them out. And, come to think of it, I think my brain keeps spoken words in a separate databank from written words. So it has a lot more to draw from when typing, because I've read A Lot. But the words it can pull from when I'm talking are restricted more. Not only because it wants to pull from words that other people say, but because it wants to filter them through "socially acceptable ways to say this" and "wait first think about what the other person might think or feel when you say this maybe it's totally wrong."  When I know the other person gets it, or when I feel safe explaining something weird and awkward and different to them, I can puzzle it out aloud with them. And I’ve slowly learned that if I don’t understand what someone means, it’s good to ask them, instead of pretending that I do and moving on. Like, they’re not going to be offended if I don’t understand; they’re not going to think I’m not actually their friend, or that I don’t understand them as a person, or that I’ve never listened to anything they said, or whatever it is that my brain thinks they’ll think.  But words are hard. The weird thing is that even though a lot of autistic people think in images and feelings and such, instead of words, or before putting things into words, being hyperlingual is also an autistic thing. Learning words early, learning to read early, having lots of words to share in the topic or medium that is close to your heart... that’s a common autistic thing, even tho our brains are like, “this is not the primary way I experience and process the world thanks.”  E.g. I can write 5000 word posts about whatever I am interested in, and also, when I’m overwhelmed or low-spoons, I can get to the point of shutdown and not have words to use out loud. Or out-loud words might start to cost way more resources than I have to give. Or, frequently, my brain might spit out words that are uhhhhhhhhhhh not the ones most people would use for something. Like, the microwave becomes the “hot box,” or “can you make sure the chickens are locked up” becomes “can you please put the... big dogs... away? (flapping hands in general direction of backyard)”  And conversely, if what somebody is describing is totally outside of my experience, I might need a lot more of their words, or other people’s words, to really figure out what they are describing.  I think this varies A LOT among different autistic and/or ADHD people. (a lot of people have speculated that those are basically the same thing, and that ADHD should really be part of the “autism spectrum.” i think there are differences, but we all have differences so ???) There are a lot of people who lose words earlier and more easily than I do, and probably ones who take a lot longer to lose them. There are lots of people who don’t really have out-loud words to give in the first place. Etc.  I thought I should share this here so other people can think about it too, especially since it is the Autism Acceptances Month. Feel free to infodump or ask questions about my words lol. oh yeah, and don’t forget: if you relate a lot to what autistic people describe but “aren’t autistic,” ya might be autistic. there is definitely not enough info about it in the general mainstream for most people to already know whether they’re autistic; this stuff tends to be how a lot of people figure it out. for that matter, the same is true of being aro, or a lot of other marginalized identities.

[philosophiums]

i don’t fully agree with the way the op talked about this but a) there is lgbtq as identity and then there’s lgbtq as a political coalition. neither you nor op made any distinction between them and of course there’s overlap but that’s part of the issue with this whole argument. second not all ace people are straight obviously but a cisgender heterosexual person is what people are referring to when they talk about straight people. i don’t think that’s about exclusion it’s about being honest >>

about privilege imo plus the split attraction model is deeply problematic for a lot of reasons, namely that it assumes that “””allosexual””” lgbtq people somehow don’t experience atypical attraction or have complicated relationships with sex. that may not be the intention but it’s a problematic way to frame the conversation. like mogai culture has a lot of problems and if this is about community those concerns should be taken seriously. idk op was not wording things well but i think > >your response didn’t necessarily address some of the actual issues with mogai and/or the aro/ace discourse. like i think this has devolved into a “who can be in the club” argument and that’s not the point either “side” is trying to make. idk i just think this is an issue almost exclusively on the internet and it would be more productive for us all to discuss solutions bearing in mind historical and social context. i am really sorry some fuck sent you death threats over this though wtf

oh hey look an actual reasonable discussion. i’m going to break this down into a numbered list to stay a bit organized and try to address things as you brought them up so please don’t think the list is my way of being like... snappy or something

100% agree. lgbt as an identity vs lgbt as a political coalition are different but not mutually exclusive. lgbt+ is a looooong acronym and includes a broad range of alignments and identities, and it’s great that so many people can find comfort and community in that identity, and i think that anyone who feels like they’re not solidly cishet is welcome to try on some identities or keep themselves as “questioning” and educate themselves further about different identities and the community history, and no one should be held back from exploring because - shocker - identities and our understanding of them change frequently, especially in relation to ourselves

genuinely i think the split attraction model is the biggest problem here. and place the blame for this wherever you like (media, society, the church™, whatever). like i hate that our options are I Have/Want Sex All The Time vs Maybe I’m Acespec. that’s not.... how attraction works. that’s not how people work. the ace spectrum is.... so strange to me because “ace” as in “actually asexual” can not, by default (in my opinion) be cishet, because the “ace” replaces the “het.” they would be cis ace. unfortunately, i think a lot of the ace spectrum is full of sexuality modifiers (demi is probably the most popular one). demi isn’t actually.... a sexuality. i think it’s a valid identity and i think it should be allowed in the community, but we circle back to, then, the difference between lgbt as an identity and lgbt as a political coalition

i am 100% with everyone on the whole “some acespec people are cishet” thing. a cis girl who IDs as demi (i’ve already used it once i’ll keep going with it) but who is pretty sure she’ll only ever be attracted to cis guys is welcome to use lgbt as an identity, but shouldn’t have a say in lgbt as a coalition. she’s still cishet, because even though demi is “ace” in the absolute loosest of terms (because it’s on the spectrum), it’s a modifier. the reason i get so worked up about ace discourse posts is that no one who makes them bothers to differentiate between asexual and the rest of the spectrum - they just say “ace” and refuse to acknowledge it as its own sexuality. asexuality is, by default, not cishet. and like... i’m saying this as someone who ID-ed as demi for a long time because i was still convinced due to social expectations that “surely i have to want to have sex i just need to find the right person” 

however, of course, you then get into the complications of “some people who were cishet but who were abused are now ID-ing as asexual and should they be allowed to ID as lgbt as a coalition.” well... no. they have always been cishet. if they want to actually ID as asexual then i think they can use lgbt as an identity, but the other side of it isn’t open to them

also please don’t get me started on romantic attraction i’m not even sure it’s a super real thing i honestly think it’s something (western) society more or less made up by uplifting the ideals of marriage and more or less banning close physical contact between friends because honestly how do you even define romance as an attraction it’s bonkers 

i didn’t touch on this stuff in my initial reply to the post because every time there’s ace discourse it always seems to boil down to “we can’t be adults and understand that there’s nuance and complications to all of this so we’re just going to hate all acespec people and try to ban them from ID-ing as lgbt and they’re only valid if they also hastily say that they’re trans or wlw/mlm but they’re on thin ice.” and that pisses me off because if you think you’re in a sound enough place to start dictating who is and isn’t allowed to say “i fit into the lgbt political coalition” then you need to be less line-in-the-sand about it and more understanding to the fact that some people who identify as ace actually aren’t cishet Even If They’re Still Cis And Not Bi/Gay/Pan/Etc. because asexual is. literally. a sexuality and you can’t be het if you’re not. attracted to people?

but yeah like......... no one can really be the Identity Police and say that someone who thinks themselves to be something other than the social standard of cishet isn’t allowed to identify as lgbt (allies can fuck off they don’t get to be in the acronym but like.... it’s open ended with a + for a reason). and i think that anyone who wants to identify as lgbt needs to start doing some research on different identities and on the history of lgbt as a political coalition and it’s evolution as an identity as well. and you’re right - none of this actually exists in the real world, because it typically happens that getting into discussions in the real world results in learning instead of tightening your grip on your beliefs (which is how tumblr discussions always go; everyone gets defensive and no one actually learns anything)

and i’m not saying that even i’m 100% right. everything is so dependent on minute details and individual identities. we get so used to binaries that i think it’s difficult, sometimes, to remember that no two people are in the same exact place on the spectrum. no one experiences their sexuality the way another person does. sometimes even the definitions of terms and identities are different for different people, and they change so damn frequently

thank you for being a reasonable human being and please feel free to keep up the discussion if you want to ♡♡♡

[zekzarkov]

Zek’s Master Course on Ace and Aro Culture

I’m not the eldest member of the asexual or aromantic communities, far from it. I’ve been interacting with these communities since around 2017, when I created my AVEN account. Even so, I’ve seen that some parts of aro and ace culture have been falling into obscurity, at least here on Tumblr. This was first brought to my attention by @sepulchritude‘s post about the ace black ring, and then again by @what-even-is-thiss​‘s post about card suits.

it would be a shame if these pieces of our culture would disappear from general knowledge. That’s why I decided to put together this list of ace and aro culture that I remember from my first days at AVEN. This way I hope to preserve our culture and perhaps inspire newcomers to the community by showing them some of our roots.

So here’s my little list of aro and ace culture, starting with the big two who benan this whole thing, the black ace ring and the card suits.

Asexual and Aromantic Rings

A subtle way to display one’s asexuality to anyone who knows what to look for is by wearing a black ring on the right middle finger, or an Ace Ring. The ring not only broadcasts to other aces around you that you are a member of the community but it’s also subtle enough so other people don’t recognize it. Since much of the asexual community was created online, trough the forums at AVEN and other sites like Tumblr, many aces can feel disconnected from the community whilst in meatspace (not online), so the ring becomes a way to remain connected even while offline.

The idea the ace ring started on a 2005 AVEN thread by user Rawphish about ways to display one’s asexuality to the world. It’s very intresting to look at the thread and see where the current configuration of the ring came from, from the design and colour to the discussion of which finger to wear it on. A neat piece of ace history.

In a similar fashion, aromantics can wear a white ring to symbolize their connection with the aromantic community. I couldn’t track down the origin of the aro ring as easily as the ace one, but I found this 2014 post from @ace-aro-pirates​ that discusses the implementation of the ring.

Playing Card Suits

Everyone knows we aces are very punny by nature. Using puns to identify our asexual conditions is just a natural course of actions. And since the word “ace” already can be used as a playing card pun, it was decided to use card suits to define where ace people fall on the aromantic spectrum. It goes like this:

♠ Spades: Aromantic Asexual

♡ Hearts: Alloromantic Asexual

♢ Diamonds: Demiromantic or Greyromantic Asexual

♣ Clubs: Questioning Asexual

Queerplatonic Relationships and Zuchinni

According to Aromantics Wiki, a queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a kind of relationship that “is more intense and intimate than what most people regard as a friendship, not fitting the traditional romantic couple model or the traditional bounds of friendship. It can be characterized by a strong bond, affect, and emotional commitment not regarded by those involved as something beyond a friendship.” QPRs are platonic relationships, typically having no romantic, sexual or erotic components, however some people involved in light or non-traditional romantic relationships can caracterize themselves as in a QPR.

The “default” term for members of a QPR  is “Queerplatonic Partner” or QPP. The word “Zuchinni” can also be used as an affectionate nickname for your QPP (as in “they’re my zuchinni”). The origin of the term zuchinni comes from a joke on the aroace community, where people were frustrated with the lack of words to defint these kinds of relationships so they just chose something that would be silly and unconventional, and it ended up stucking. And, in my personal oppinion, it’s a really cute term.

Aromantics Wiki entry on Queerplatonic Relationships

Squish

A squish is like a crush, only platonic. It represents a wish to become platonically close to someone, becoming their friend or the like. It’s a platonic attraction towards someone.

Asexy

This is a funny one that i don’t see being used in a long time. Saying someone is asexy is saying you find them attractive in a non-sexual way. It may be aestethically, intelectually, due to their personality, or for any other reason. It may be that you have a squish on them.

Asexual and Aromantic Flags

I guess everyone knows what the asexual flag looks like, this little masterpiece:

Seriously it’s so pretty.

But do people know what the different coloured stripes mean? I didn’t until recently. So let’s have a look:

Black represents asexuality, lack of sexual attraction.

Grey represents greysexuality and the asexual spectrum, all the space between asexuality and allosexuality.

White represents allosexuality, or the lack of the lack of sexual attraction, if you want to be complicated.

Purple represents the community. The asexual community is such an important part of many asexuals’ lives that it gets a whole colour of its own!

And just like the ace flag, the aro one is also pretty well known, and also very pretty.

Its meaning goes as follows:

Dark Green represents aromanticism, or lack of romantic attraction.

Light Green represents the aromantic spectrum.

White represents platonic and aesthetic attraction, as well as queer/quasi platonic relationships.

Grey represents greyromanticism and demiromanticism.

Black represents the sexuality spectrum.

Ace Symbols

Besides the flag and ring, asexuality has a couple other symbols related to it, albeit in a smaller scale.

Cake (and baking in general) because everyone knows cake is better than sex.

Unicrons because they supposetly are not real, transforming the aphobic notion that asexuality is not real to give us all a badass magical horned horse as a mascot.

Dragons, same as above, but even more badass!

Amoebas because they reproduce asexually (although not the same kind of asexuality). The term “amoeba” was actually used by the first asexuals to define themselves in the early days of the community before the term “ace” was created. (vide the 1997 article My Life as an Amoeba by Zoe O’reilly)

Okay this will do from me for now. Feel free to add any piece of aro or ace culture you think is missing. Cheers folks!

[bonesandblood-sunandmoon]

Pre-Therapy Isolation

CoA prompt for Oct 2019 - “Aromanticism and Aloneness” [Call for Submissions]. Under a cut due to length. Heads up: There’s a mention of a past history of suicidal episodes, but there are zero details.

Sections: 1) Therapeutic Context, 2) Aloneness, Isolation, and Loneliness, 3) Convergence of Mental Illness & Aro-spec Identity, and 4) Disclosure.

Therapeutic Context

I have bounced around from draft to draft and tangent to tangent this past month in part because other issues have required a higher priority ranking in the mental queue. Among the various topics brought up with/by my new general practitioner [GP] during this month’s follow-up was counseling intake, which will feature a bunch of questions off a template and hopefully some relevant questions about the diagnosis I’d like to confirm (or figure out my symptoms are actually from X) over a few appointments.

(For non-regular readers, I haven’t had health insurance since undergrad ended in 2016, so there have been a few changes to the identities I tote around. The Counseling and Psychological Services [CPS] offered on-campus did include therapy, but I’m not quite a good fit with Grad students who change every semester and require reintroductions, re-explaining, and ignoring personal details when I just don’t want to bother with an LGBTQIA+ primer. My last therapy visit with CPS that wasn’t a ‘the semester started’ drop-in was in the later part of the spring semester of 2015.)

I did ask to not be paired with someone who’s never had a trans patient before because I’m just not up to walking my therapist through the bare bones of Trans 101, but I won’t really know their familiarity with LGBTQIA+ basics until the first intake appointment in November. It’s possible they might know some identities but not all of them, and I may still need to break out a little 101 even for relatively more established identities (ex. nonbinary). However, the most relevant of my letters collected for this post is the A for aro-spec (specifically quoi/greyro), which is currently the most recent personal identity (2019) and, afaik, the youngest community when it comes to awareness.

Aloneness, Isolation, and Loneliness

On a literal, physical level, the prospect of going to therapy doesn’t really fit with being alone (“having no one else present”) or aloneness (“a disposition toward being alone”). But it edges along a nebulous mixture of talking about being alone, geographic isolation, and possible loneliness or isolation. The bridge connecting this nebulous alone/isolation idea with being aro-spec and facing intake for counseling:

Talking about being alone. It’s going to be a smidge related to context for past events, but it’s like a cloud on the horizon that I’m trying to ignore when it comes to talking about the future and/or future goals. I’m going to have to admit that it’s currently unwise to live on my own to someone’s face, so I don’t want that to be a goal of our sessions. Like, I’m really going to have to admit that my symptoms have gotten bad enough in the past that I would rather plan on having a roommate than risk being a danger to myself again.

The geographic isolation specific to living in a rural area that’s not exactly the intended ‘local’ area for the closest LGBTQIA+ resources and communities, especially if you get a-spec specific. It can range from some resources not being applicable when you live in a different county to inconvenient differences in meetups (it’s great to only have a 5 minute walk to a coffee shop for a casual meetup for the locals, but if I live over an hour’s drive away, I expect something a little more substantial to justify the driving and need enough advanced notice to actually drive there).

It doesn’t really feel like loneliness, but it doesn’t quite seem like a type of isolation, and it’s just this mixed feeling that I’m not going to have a choice but to be a teaching moment because I’m going to be the first aro-spec patient for this therapist. True, I have no way of knowing how many other aros are in this area, but unfortunately, I have no way of knowing if I’m the only aro-spec person around. It feels unbalanced and isolating that I can’t just walk in as an individual, and I now have to be careful as an ambassador of sorts.

Convergence of Mental Illness & Aro-spec Identity

Based on a quick search of Arocalypse, I wouldn’t go so far as to say this is a unique feeling to me, but that greyro pov post included revealing my connection between my mental health and feeling like I’ve become aro-spec. (Link covers why I’d rather not directly link to the post in question, namely personal growth. With a dash of embarrassment.) And yes, I said that I feel like I’ve become aro-spec instead of feeling like it’s been a static identity that I’ve always had.

I think the life events I went through - most strongly noticed after surviving suicidal shit - were the equivalent of the body prioritizing heating the core instead of the extremities in extreme cold. The vital to living parts of me made it through.

My ability to correctly interpret romantic attraction when signaled in media? It’s not impossible, but it’s usually particularly scripted examples. My ability to correctly interpret romantic attraction signaled in other people? I still have a chance at getting that right, but it’s not guaranteed. My ability to correctly interpret romantic attraction when I might be experiencing it? Nope, that didn’t make it through. It’s like a fixed red-blue-purple color array that’s suddenly showing orange. It’s like looking down at your phone one day and realizing everything’s been switched to a language you only know a limited amount of (for me, Spanish). It’s like trying to wrap your head around imaginary numbers after you thought you were keeping up in Algebra II.

At this point, romantic attraction is a rather distant memory and feels like it happened to a different person. I’ve made peace with not knowing if I’m orange or red-orange, and I could stumble through figuring out more words in Spanish, but I don’t think proper management of my symptoms will “restore” what’s been lost. No amount of talk therapy is going to unlock those memories, and the right medication isn’t going to lift the fog of confusion. Maybe red-orange is close enough to red to count (non-normative romance factoring into maybe, sometimes experiencing something close to romantic attraction a la greyro), but I don’t want to pretend I know what i means.

Disclosure

I don’t want a therapist to get sidetracked by “fixing” me because I’m alright chilling out here on the aro spectrum. Maybe I’ll be able to live on my own at some point, or maybe I’ll have a roommate. Maybe the stars will align and I’ll find someone who’s alright with me being red-orange and mostly confused as long as we figure out each other’s love language(s), so to speak. Maybe I’ll have a collection of friends, but I won’t ever really partner with someone. I’m not sure. Those questions are too complicated and too far off into the future for me to answer when I’ve got to douse the embers my brain decided to light in its resident dumpster before they grow into a full fledged fire.

However, based on my experience with CPS, I need to be prepared for questions about my relationship status. Their intake process included screening for domestic violence, if my memory serves me right (single = skip that section), but I also remember a soft inquiry into who might be involved in my support network where it was relevant to establish that I had friends but no romantic partners to warrant referring to my significant other. Just based on the preliminary paperwork that’s a copy of what I had to fill out for GP, there’s a section for choosing from their offered gender and sexuality options [includes Other and lines to write in responses].

I didn’t really feel like getting into a ton of detail with GP, but it feels different when it comes to counseling and eventually a psychiatrist consult. If I’m going to compile a bullet point list of my identities, offer brief explanations, and point towards aro resources, I’d rather get that all out of the way in the beginning. Once it’s all on the table, I don’t have to dance around topics or play the rephrasing game where I avoid coming out part way through an answer. Maybe me offering up AUREA can make it a little easier for the next patient who’s aro.

Maybe I don’t want to ignore or downplay my connection to an online aro community, as tenuous as it may be at times, because I feel a little less alone. I don’t have to frame changes in romantic orientation as being broken. I have an alternative narrative for being the heartless monster who’s a bit too cold and less than human. I don’t have to take the negative impression that an inability to romantically love someone (or an unclear answer) means that any sexual attraction, desire, or activities amount to manipulative ‘using’ as truth. (The social connection to a community can be used to whack a self-isolating brain.)

Ultimately, prepare for disclosure, so I don’t feel caught off guard or forget differences in how resources define a word and how I relate to it. I can play it by ear during the intake process, and if I don’t actually want to disclose to the therapist, I don’t have to.

[aro-aceplace]

Sence we’re getting so many asks about the names for various orientations I thought I would post an updated version of our aspec orientation dictionary. This dictionary also exists here on our blog and is frequently updated, but something screwy is going on with the bolding on that page right now so it might be hard to read. There’s also a copy of it here in the Quicksand font because I find that that’s easier for folks with dyslexia and other LD’s to read then Arial is.

Note: this is not a complete list. A-spec terminology is constantly growing and changing and it’s hard to keep track of every single term, so if I missed an orientation please let me know, I’ll be happy to add it! 

-mod Yarrow

Abrosexual/Abroromantic: Having an orientation or feelings about it that constantly change and cannot be pinned down for this reason.

Aceflux/ Aroflux: When someone’s sexual/ romantic orientation fluctuates but always stays on the aro/ace spectrum.

Acespike/ Arospike:  When someone usually doesn’t feel sexual/romantic attraction but occasionally rapidly skyrockets into intense attraction, then plummeting down to asexuality/aromanticism again.

Acoromantic/Acosexual: Asexual/Aromantic(spec) because of negative past experiences. (similar to Caedromantic/Caedsexual)

Adfecturomantic/Affecturomantic/Adfectual/Adfomantic: Is someone whose romantic attraction is affected by their neurodivergency.

Aegosexual/Aegoromantic: Feeling attraction and desire only for situations that do not involve one’s self.

Aliquasexual/ Aliquaromantic: Not normally feeling attraction, but feeling it on occasion under specific circumstances.

Amicussexual/Amicusromantic: When you are only attracted to people you’re also platonically attracted to.

Antisexual/Antiromantic: Would rather not develop platonic/romantic/sexual feelings for people, but does anyway.

Apressexual/ Apresromantic: Only feeling attraction after another form of attraction is felt.

Aromantic/ Asexual: When someone doesn’t feel sexual/ romantic attraction to anyone

Arovague/ Acevague: Aromanticism or asexuality that is heavily influenced by neurodiversity (also known as Adfecturomantic / Adfectusexual)

Apresromantic/ Apresexual: An orientation where romantic/sexual attraction is felt only after another type of attraction is formed.

Apothisexual/ Apothiromatic:  A specific term for when someone on the asexual/ aromantic spectrum is sex repulsed or romance repulsed. (Also known as ARCsexual/ ARCromantic)

Autochrissexual/ Autochrisromantic: When someone feels sexual arousal/ romantic attraction for something, but from a distance, as if they were someone else, and have no desire to do that thing themselves (Also known as Aegosexual/ Aegoromantic or Autochorrisromantic / Autochorrissexual).

Bellusromantic:  When someone is fine with cute fluffy stuff with anyone but doesn’t want a relationship at all.

Burstsexual/ Burstromantic: An orientation where a type of attraction will occur in a sudden burst, then vanish or fade away.

Borearomantic/ Boreasexual:  an orientation that seems to revolve around one person in particular. (can also be defined as an exception to one’s orientation, ie, someone who identifies as homosexual/homoromantic feeling attraction to someone of a different gender)

Caedromantic/ Caedsexual: The feeling that romantic or sexual attraction was taken away due to past trauma -for PTSD and trauma survivors

Cassexual/ Cassromantic: Feeling utterly indifferent to attraction, believing it isn’t important.

Ceasesexual/ Ceaseromantic: Usually being allosexual/romantic, but occasionally having a complete loss of attraction for a period of time before feeling it again.

Cupiosexual/ Cupioromantic: When someone does not experience sexual/ romantic attraction, but still desires a sexual/ romantic relationship. (Also known as kalossexual/  kalosromantic and Icularomantic/ Icularsexual)

Demisexual/ Demiromantic:  When someone is only sexually/ romantically attracted to people they already have a strong emotional connection with.

Dreadsexual/ Dreadromantic: An orientation that fluctuates from feeling no attraction to feeling attraction. When attraction is felt, it is accompanied by a strong feeling of dread or anxiety.

Duosexual/ Duoromantic: Having two or more well-defined orientations that you switch between (e.g. cupiosexual and fraysexual).

Durasexual/Duraromantic: Rarely experiencing attraction, but when it happens it lasts for a long time.

Fictosexual/ Fictoromantic: When someone only feels sexually/romantically attracted to fictional characters.

Freysexual/ Freyromantic:  When Someone is sexually/ romantically attracted to those they are less familiar with but after a while, the “excitement” of meeting the new person dies down and you are perfectly content on just being friends.

Greysexual/ Greyromantic: When someone only feels sexual/ romantic attraction rarely. This term can also be a general term for identifying as somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum.

Lamvanosexual/ Iamvanoromantic: Feeling uncomfortable doing sexual/romantic things to someone, but being willing to receive sexual and romantic acts.

Lithsexual/Lithromantic : When someone feels sexual/ romantic attraction towards others and also enjoys romantic/ sexual relationships in theory, but does not need that affection to be reciprocated. An Akoinsexual/ Akoinromantic person may also experience sexual attraction until those feelings are reciprocated. (Also known as Akoinsexual/ Akoinromantic)

Idemromantic: When someone Categorizes relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic but experiences no notable internal differences

Inactoromantic: When someone experiences romantic attraction and wants a romantic relationship but doesn’t like romantic actions. (Also known as initiaromantic.)

Limnosexual/ Limnoromantic: Attraction only piqued by depictions of acts of attraction (eg drawings or writing), not the acts themselves in real life (similar to fictosexual/ fictoromantic).

Malasexual/Malaromantic: When someone only experiences attraction during maladaptive daydreams

Metaromantic: Only experiencing attraction that is unable to be defined by strict terms of platonic or romantic.

Nebula-romantic/ Nebula-sexual: Difficulty distinguishing romantic/sexual and platonic attraction due to neurodiversity

Novisexual/Noviromantic: Feeling complicated attraction or lack thereof in such a way that it is difficult or impossible to fit into one word or term.

Omniaromantic: Is someone who feels no romantic attraction whatsoever. In no way, shape, or form do they fall in love or feel any attraction to anyone. They are asensual, have no aesthetic attraction to others, and no squishes. They can experience platonic love or familial love, though not all do so. This term was made to make a distinction between being on the aromantic spectrum and specify from the common definition of aromantic person, since saying someone is “aromantic” could mean they could be demiromantic, gray-aromantic, and such other types of aromantics who do feel sensual, have aesthetic attraction and such.

Placiosexual/ Placioromantic: When someone feels  little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else.

Platonisexual/ Platoniromantic: When someone feels no difference between platonic and romantic attraction.

Polarsexual/ Polarromantic: Switching between being either extremely attracted and not at all attracted.

Post rubor: Is someone who quickly gets crushes/squishes/etc on others, but after the initial excitement of said crush/etc vanishes so do their feelings.

Presexual/ Preromantic: A placeholder term for when someone feels that they have not experienced attraction enough to know their orientation yet.

Propeestsexual/ Propeestromantic: An aro/ace spec identity which feels like a mix of many (any more than two a-spec identities) that all are a part of your identity

Quoisexual/ Quoiromantic: Is when someone experiences sexual attraction in a way that is not typical of allosexuals individuals, but doesn’t knowing where they fit on the asexual spectrum; or not identifying with any of the existing labels./ Feeling as if the concept of romance or sexual attraction, etc. is inapplicable or nonsensical to one’s self.(Also known as wtfsexual)

Recipsexual/ Recipromantic: When someone feels sexual/ romantic attraction only after realizing someone is sexually/ romantically attracted to them.     

Requeissexual/Requeromantic: When someone feels limited or no sexual/romantic  attraction/interest/activity due to some form of emotional exhaustion or trauma.

Schromantic: Is someone who is aromantic and romantic at the same time, or some mix of the two. Frequently described in terms of Schrödinger’s cat as having the possibility of being romantic and aromantic at the same time

Singulusexual/ Singuluromantic: Only experiencing one type of attraction towards people (i.e. if you experience sexual attraction towards a person, you won’t feel romantic/alterous/platonic attraction towards them).

Thymsexual/ Thymromantic: Feeling attraction which varies depending on emotional state.