#here I go again with the self indulgent posts

[faceglitchsworld]

My faves interacting with my faves (1/∞)

[kisses4kaia]

nobody does it better by carly simon but it’s the radiohead cover and it’s patrick… cw: DISGUSTING smut with this evil man, no less no more . im shameless.

a/n: so we all know the photo. and what ThePhoto did to me was… this! enjoy. 😌

the room is loud. there’re a million people you could be talking to, looking at. a hundred people you could sit in the corner and people watch, but his eyes are on you. and you cannot look away.

patrick zweig was a reoccurring character in your life. starting off as low-commitment boyfriend freshman year, turning to effervescent fuckbuddy you could never get far enough away from to become detached. you hated him, god, you hated the pull on you he had. the iron grip that steeled you right where you were across the room from him, eyes locked like a guarded palace onto his. good lord.

it truly takes the will of god to keep your feet planted where they are, forcing yourself to divert your eyes from him. but, never fear, he’s already moving towards you.

his towering presence is felt immediately as he stands in front of you, looking down into your eyes as if he can hear your heart pounding regardless of the blaring song around him.

“hey,” he says quietly, tone soft but gravelly, as if there wasn’t a sound barrier around the two of you that might keep you from hearing him. “what do you want, zweig? your voice comes out more pointedly than you intended, but with the way your pulse is thrumming and your hands are shaking, you can hardly blame yourself.

looking at you with that look in his eye, the one that almost mocks you as to say ‘got ya’, he cranes his neck down to whisper in your ear. “what do you want?” and he knows.

patrick turns without another word, and before you can process what you’re doing, your feet are moving with him, as if a collar was wrapped around your neck, choking your senses, and the leash was hanging haphazardly from his hand.

his path leads you into a bathroom, small, no shower, with a buzzing, lagging light. his hands are on your waist as soon as you step through the door, pushing you against it. patrick doesn’t kiss you immediately, unusual for him. “i miss you,” he breathes out, nervously, and it is jarring.

patrick zweig is not nervous, ever. he was self sure and confident and a fucking dickwad who knew it and embraced it as part of his “charm”. “yeah? and how many girls have you said that to, hm? britney posted you on her story yesterday, patrick. last friday, it was ántonia. fuck you,” you spat out, the 3… maybe 4 vodka sours you indulged in half an hour ago making your head pound, or maybe it was his dior sauvage.

he sighs, looking away from you impatiently, but when his eyes lands back on you, his gaze is crazed. “fuck, they don’t matter to me. i don’t know their last names, i don’t know their little siblings, they don’t know my favorite band, and i don’t look them in the eye when i fuck them. shit, baby, it’s you, don’t you realize? always fucking you,”

oscar winning preformance, is what you want to say, but his exasperated exhale after the words come out, paired with the rihanna song dully thrumming behind the door, bass vibrating against the wood, you look between his eyes, down at his lips, and your eyes don’t travel again before you smash your mouth onto his.

never fucking again, you tell yourself as his lips move in desperate, hungry, almost disbelieving tandem with yours. this is the last time.

“do you have a boyfriend?” he breathes out between kisses as he unbuckles your belt and unbuttons your jeans, shimmying them off. “like that’d make you walk out right now,” you kiss him again, biting his lower lip. “fuck. no, fuck no, but if you do, i’m going to make you remember exactly why nobody does it better.”

patrick lifts you effortlessly and places you on the sink, pulling your sticky, lacy panties to the side, smirking that evil damn smirk at the fancy little bow at the top. “did you know i was gonna be here tonight?” he nibbles as your ear, bringing loving bites down your jugular to your shoulder.

“no, but i knew art would be.” your smile is devious as his eyes light up, not with jealousy, but with the same fire he gets when he realizes his opponent on the other side of the net is really playing with him, when they’re really playing fucking tennis.

patrick jerks himself once or twice, languidly, before sliding his cock into you. a hardly contained whine pulls from your voice, and your mouth drops into an ‘o’ at the stretch. he nearly has you in an embrace, the way he’s holding you closely against his chest, and his curls are begging to be pulled. you entwine your finger with the hair at the nape of his neck and tug with every sharp thrust into your leaking pussy.

“more, give me more, patrick, don’t hold back on me, asshole.” he doesn’t even respond, just obediently lifts you up every so slightly off the sink and moves you on and off of his cock, giving him a much wider range of motion. his dick is nearly completely out of you each time his hips snap back, but you’re moaning like a pornstar each time he’s in again.

his ability to hit that spot inside of you with near perfect accuracy every fucking time is expert, a skill that could only be acquired by someone so in tune with your pleasure—and if patrick zweig was nothing else, he was that.

“fuck, gonna, shit! gripping me so fucking tight, leaking all over my shit, baby. she miss me? huh, pretty? you miss me?” he was talking right through you, each word penetrating your deepest desires and fantasies. you hated how he knew you. you hated that you let him. but most of all, you hated how close you were to coming.

he keeps fucking you unforgivingly, whining and moaning like a whore all the while. “you still on that pill?” he asked, voice pitchy and annoying and sexy.

“no, insurance stopped covering it.” you say seriously, and you can’t keep your laughter in when his thrusts slow and he looks at you panicked. “i’m fucking with you, don’t stop,”

“you’re evil, you know that?” he says endearingly, playful as always, and it’s no more than a minute later that he’s coming inside you.

patrick never was a selfish lover, so it came as no surprise that after pulling his softening girth from you, not one, not two, but three of his finger were quickly pumping in and out of you, making him moan sluttishly at the way his own cum coated his fingers. his other hand made busy circling your clit with his thumb, fast and calculatedly.

he knew every button to push because he sewed them onto you, and so it was no surprise that with that special angling of his wrist, you were coming undone on his fingers in minutes.

it’s quiet for the next few minutes, you cleaning yourself up, patrick washing his hands, the both of you redressing in silence.

“so… same time tomorrow?” he smiles at you, pleased with himself and sure your answer will be affirmative.

you walk up to him, smile, kiss him tenderly on his lips, let your heels touch the ground again softly. “go fuck yourself, patrick.” your words are sharp but your tone is sickly sweet, and patrick recovers from his shock quickly, smirking stupidly.

“after that, i most definitely will be.”

[octo-blobs]

hi i cant remember what notes are but here we go.

for many a reason i very deeply resonate with the found family aspect of 8path and have spent a lot of time daydreaming about it - so a Hefty Chunk of what i've taken from it includes projection and indulgent headcanoning. i loved english literature at school so i like to think my analysis skills have aided me in keeping the characters i ship in a recognisably canon-compliant state, but because i'm just stubbornly gay i stop caring whether it makes sense to then add copious amounts of romance on top. ~anyway~.

alfion. i originally didn't like alfyn! my first experience of him was the english dub and i found his sonic-like mannerisms annoying. after experiencing the game in full, however, and becoming very attached to therion, i figured that he was a great asset to those who needed a soft-hearted-strongman. i love what the narrative offers regarding how it shapes these characters and would make a seriously long post about analysing every character i talk about here If People Cared -- for now, though, i'll try to keep it short. (NARRATOR VOICE: he did not keep it short.)

i just love the foils between alfyn and therion. therion, whose heart stutters and bleeds the truth of his loneliness; a man who lives in the shadows only to yearn for the love that light holds. alfyn, who from his trauma took the lesson of embracing life with open arms; a man who would rather unintentionally shepherd in evil than to deny a second chance. they embody such a deep sense of hurt/comfort whilst also curating a casual, warm and boyish sense of true friendship together.

therion benefits so deeply from all 7 of his playable companions, and in alfyn's case, i think it's deeply tied to his free-falling honesty. not only does alfyn portray his values strongly - he also does utterly risk-intensive and sometimes borderline stupid things because he believes in his chosen role as a force for change. his story arc seems to show him doubling down on these decisions, and there are several points at which therion's existence as a societal menace and ~bad person~ can be seen as relevant to them. whether or not you should help a no-good thief; whether or not a person is evil because of their past and circumstances that changed the trajectory of their life; where you should draw the line and what you should punish; whether you should give up on a person who nobody else can seem to help. to me, alfyn seems to decide that he'll be somewhat of an objective and benevolent (as much as a human with a strong protective complex can be) shepherd to the weak and forsaken, taking consequences of his actions as a workplace risk instead of a curse to his worth. therion, however ... this man is mired in shame and has no sense of self-worth that doesn't come down to spiteful pride in the abilities that darius praised & his self-preserving spite. he gave his heart to someone and he thinks, for the most part, that he need not ever get past the pain it caused him, lest it make him weak all over again. because being weak hurt - being powerless hurt. and being chucked off a cliff by someone you would've burned the world with... *really* hurt.

from therion's standpoint he is seen by others as undeserving and, for the longest time, i don't think it matters to him whether or not that assessment is true. his way of compartmentalising the way society treats him is to do what he needs for survival regardless, because there are a hundred more evil things than he himself is capable of - as, iirc, an orphan, and a pauper - but i don't think this leads to an appreciation for his worth. it's so tarnished by darius, the fallout of which probably confirmed pre-conceived notions such as 'don't trust anyone', 'always account for yourself and forsake others before they forsake you', 'the whole world is more likely to turn you in than to hold your hand'. honestly, i see in therion such overflowing yearning that he doesn't *fully* live by these notions - he can't cut himself off from the love he longs for because he's not the kind of no-good scoundrel he thinks he belongs with. whereas darius and plenty of other criminals ingame sow cruelty and are cutthroat with their relationships, therion seems to be capable of empathising with a broader spectrum of people (as seen, to me, by his ability to sympathise with cordelia & thus the untouchable bourgeoise he so loathes). alfyn's open-minded worldview allows therion to be present in the life of a thoroughly kind person without either feeling threatened or like he's in disguise. from there, he's able to observe the light he's yearned for and, in time, this could blossom into a love that finally grants him security.

god i could talk about them forever, but i also have a headcanon that i've held close to me for a few years now. based on the map and where therion's attempted murder takes place, i've ruminated on the idea that therion could have ended up getting medical treatment in clearbrook. after tumbling down the jagged, steep lines of bolderfall's mountainside, he could have broken his fall as the terrain blushed green with grass and trees and underbrush. dry from the desert sun and on the brink of death, a near sightless therion dragged himself towards the sounds of rushing water. the current dragged his limbs - some broken, others just weak and covered in wounds - further down the river. as therion and alfyn were both younger, i wonder if zeph would have lead the treatment that therion received once he was pulled from the bubbling waters and rushed onto the medieval equivalent of an operating table. the immediate question is, "wouldn't they recognise each other once they met in the future?" - and i don't think therion would want himself to be known, treated or kept in such a generous home. most apothecaries are paid in-universe - a service therion was beyond sure he couldn't pay for. to me, therion is apprehensive about returning to clearbrook on his travels but *needs*, for whatever narrative reason, to pass through and receive apothecary aid. alfyn recognises the white hair and skittish tendencies, recalling little other than a patient who picked from zeph's coinpurse and ran. for the longest time, he never brings up that he belives - knows - that person was therion. he wrestles with it, deciding that he indeed wants to see just what kind of person therion is, which eventually leads him to discover that he was right to trust & nurture him.

the therion i depict always has a snarled lip from a lasting scar, cleft from the incident, and i headcanon him suffering from lasting conditions, both physically and mentally, that actually alfyn would be able to treat or provide relief from - continuing the proof that he can and will be taken care of here; that there's no reason to be afraid; that he can scratch and protest all he likes, but he's in the hands of a man whose whole purpose (and joyfully so) is to make sure he has a space to heal.

god lmao i love them so much. i also see them both as trans but i also see a good portion of the casts of both 8path 1&2 as trans so it barely feels relevant. i just think its neat.

h'aanirose. primh'aan. it's a very similar story, though their personalities, goals and lives are led in very different manners to alfyn and therion. i certainly think there's a lot to add about lesbianism here, such as comparing primrose's relationships with women to those she has with men, as well as h'aanit's portrayal as a warrior woman and a blushing knight in the face of her alluring lady, but i probably wom't go into all of it.

primrose and yusufa was an extremely formative relationship. it, unfortunately, mirrored the one with her father and left her losing another deeply important person to murder. the kind of rage that rumbles in primrose's heart and thunders out into bursts of arcane shadow is not to be underestimated, in part because it left her so vulnerable to the puppeteering of simeon. in her eyes, she lost everyone she loved - and then, suddenly, in a way that made her once again feel like a child, she un-lost one of those people. forming a deep and lasting connection must be tough for her after the events of the game and thus i think the a certain travel banter line from the end of her story is representative of even more yearning than it seems on the surface. to h'aanit she suggests they could travel together in future, even commenting that she could protect h'aanit herself. to which, of course, the incredibly muscular pseudo-viking with axe-wielding biceps and a giant snow leopard says, 'dost thou not mean *i* coulde protecten *thee*?' i find this so incredibly cute. of course there's a huge aspect of prim's banter where she alludes to her physique & intimately informed commentary on men, which leads her to praise h'aanit for choosing neither of the 'two kinds of men' in chapter 2. however, the power of yuri in my heart takes this subtext and runs with it - when i talk about the deeper yearning of this interaction, what i'm referring to is the fact that the game gives us an insight into her thoughts and has her, like a stumbling shy lovebird, question why she didn't just outright admit she likes h'aanit's company. it's one of my favourite little things in the entire game because primrose has lived so much of her life as someone that she didn't want to be, but *had* to be in order to approach the truth and get closure for her grief. i think she knows that there's an aimless and unknowable path before her, and her old skills kick in. before she can simply ask for h'aanit to join her on this daunting endeavour, she finds herself trying to sweeten her words & make herself seem appealing as a companion. (seeing as prim can allure any gender, it highlights that alluring isn't just used in a sexual manner - though frequently that's how she's received by men & has more success playing into that across the board). i think this scene is emblematic of the effect h'aanit has on her, and i love gobbling it up.

primrose feels comfortable in letting h'aanit know that she feels safe with her very automatically, even when she's shy about asking for her company. h'aanit, to me, would make a lovely candidate for a person that primrose can deeply love & is less likely to lose to a cruel deception or death; i think the way in which h'aanit fends for herself is appealing in this manner. in turn, the sweet way in which they can exchange life lessons creates a foundation of support, which is both fantastic in a world where the men* in their lives are falling short of the roles they might otherwise occupy and a foundation for love that appreciates their strengths without regretting their weaknesses. (*z'aanta as a drunken & lighthearted mentor often scolded by his apprentice; primrose's lack of a present father figure or protector; the way h'aanit's story champions the presence of strong and/or skilled women; primrose chapter 1 villain who icr the name of cause he sucked; simeon as an older man in young primrose's life who preyed on her innocence and love for him). etc etc.

h'aanit is a learner. she may not start out with experience, and further on she finds herself flustered at several points when it comes to the mannerisms of cityfolk, but she's capable of understanding the wider picture. i think this is aided by the way in which she sees herself in the cycle of life, protecting the forest by stepping into it only where it can undo the superfluous presence of man. she doesn't get too involved in the habits of others unless they threaten the forest - an example is with therion and the way she just flat-out judges his nimble fingers, only to do nothing about it other than sass him out in ye olde. she is patient to see how things pan out, and can respect others enough to see where their actions will take them before stepping in. then, when she steps in, she is both graceful and noble, making her an incredibly romantic figure imo. i have, many a time, also thought about the way h'aanit is predominantly a melee (aside from summoning) fighter, with an emphasis on strategic timing for her skills, and prim is almost entirely a support. throughout the trauma and troubles that primrose faced prior to meeting any of the cast, she was unable to access enough power or knowledge to push forward and instead played a waiting game. i think it delights her to know that she can stand beside her battering ram of a girlfriend and fuel her, achieving her goals not through manipulation or abuse but through their shared vision.

my hands feel a bit numb from typing all of this out on my phone, which i didn't need to do but did anyways because it's very easy to fixate on these characters. i feel like i have a thousand things to say, all of them obsessive and excited because of an adoration for the character writing in these games. i love squeezing it for all of the gay stuff and i will never stop.

honourable ship mentions that i will go into detail about if anyone asks, *particularly* those for 8path2 - olberus, olberus but with erhardt too for yaoi reasons, throné x temenos t4t, throné x agnea (postgame +several years), knightlight, a polyamorous amalgamation of the above 8path2 characters (with the exception of temenos not being into women in my hc)... god. help. theres always more but im tired and now i want to replay the games. thank you op for my life

if you read this you get a gold star

I miss octopath yapping with people so uh yknow what! We’re gonna play a game!!

Explain in the notes what y’all’s favorite ships are and why you like them!!!

Only rules are

1) do not explain why everyone should think your ship is canon, as that is not the point of this post 2) do not put any other ships down bc that is also not the point of this post 3) ALL games are included (yes including cotc) 4) ANY SHIPS ARE ALLOWED!!! GO NUTS!!!!

[dragon-queen21]

Trapped in a dating sim: Regressor Leon Hc's

Just finished book three for this series and decided to be self-indulgent and make some agere headcanons, thus here we are

~~~

~So I had it in my head that Leon would be a caregiver until it hit me that no, he fits the combination of a toddler in dire need of a nap and forever being stuck in his terrible twos. In other words, still causing problems for everyone involved even while regressed.

~For awhile only Luxion knew that Leon regressed, given that the AI is always with him. I think he'd soften up a bit whenever his master is feeling small and probably keep him out of harms way and out of sight to the best of his ability. Either on the Partner, or just in Leon's dorm room.

~ Now I offer you this, Who would win? A robot capable of destroying the world vs 1 sarcastic toddler.

~That one part in the manga where he gets a headband to put on Luxion- that but he keeps trying to do that to the robot whenever he's regressed. Putting small stickers on him, or a small hat, or anything else cute that he can find and manage the AI to wear. Luxion doesn't necessarily like it, but doesn't say no. Like he won't stop Leon from doing anything. Probably finds a way to blackmail him once he's big again let's be honest.

~Leon would probably throw a temper tantrum at the drop of a hat. Literally the most fussiest baby ever. So cranky over anything and everything.

~Upon Olivia and Angie finding out about his regression (which is bound to happen sooner or later) they immediately decided to take up the roles as caregivers for the regressed boy.

~Leon meanwhile is constantly trying to push his caregiver’s buttons.

~Goes to Olivia whenever he’s about to get in trouble. She’s a pushover and can never bring it in herself to get upset at Leon no matter what he does when little. Angie on the other hand has no issues putting the regressor into time out.

~Luxion meanwhile who literally just encourages the baby crimes. He just wants to watch the world burn and to make sure that Leon's happy.

~He’d host so many pretend tea parties ‘inviting’ every single one of his stuffed animals.

~Wants to brew his own tea but only manages to spill boiling water on himself and start crying over it. But then throws a fit if one of the girls tries to make him something to drink because he claims they don't know how to do it right. So instead he just pouts.

~Probably threw a pillow at the girls during a temper tantrum and felt horrible about it afterwards, but still refused to apologize until the next time he was small and the guilt was simply too much for a mentally two year old to handle.

[vaguely-concerned]

how I like to imagine lucanis is feeling about being dragged along to the grand necropolis every other day in this playthrough... it's about the duality of

all the walking dressed up skeletons and other assorted body parts strewn around: undeniably kind of bad and creepy. how the fuck is it so cold and windy down here all the time rook is just a slip of a thing how are they not shivering constantly. should I get him a nice warm scarf or would that be against his sense of swag as a watcher I am currently being made to think way too much about spirit possession (these weirdos seem to think it can be benign???? it does NOT feel benign). someone might have worked very hard to get those bones to lie still and dead on the ground it seems disrespectful to that hard work to make the bones get back up again and dance a jig like this. is all I'm saying

vs.

hearing rook speak to spirits and wayward wisps with kind calm authorativeness and care and generally show a whole new side of competence and knowledge they've kept close to the chest so far: ...this better not awaken anything in me (challenge failed)

(rook who's anxiously trying to gauge if the skeletons are going to be a dealbreaker fondly reminiscing 'oh I had my first kiss over there by the van markham mausoleum from the latter part of the steel age actually' and lucanis having to admit 'this does explain some things about you'. there must be some kind of comfort in feeling like you're too removed from the normal human experience anymore to connect with someone only to find that the person you're growing a terrible crush on had barely ever seen the sun until the age of like 34 and thinks this place is the height of normalcy. lucanis' broody line where he's like 'I only know death' and ingellvar both meaningfully and amusedly raising their eyebrows like 'yeah? uh-huh? please, say more' fhdskjaf. i'm sorry you've had your freak matched lucanis I'm sure it's a bit disorienting but we'll figure this out together yet. two little death dudes sitting in a tree k i s s i n g and also trying to figure out the 'life' part of things together)

[deaddove]

hello radiant emperor fandom. i heard you guys like dark historical fantasies about genderqueer warlords and their ruthless pursuit of Revenge and/or The Throne… well let me put you onto something:

need more emo femboys with daddy issues? doomed siblings? lord/vassal dynamics? romantic stabbing? corruption arcs? sexy masochism? you 🫵 should consider reading

Requiem of the Rose King by Aya Kanno

loosely based off Shakespeare's Henry and Richard plays, this manga follows intersex protagonist Richard III (yes he has straight black hair with the bangs covering one eye. yes it’s to hide his heterochromia) through England's War of the Roses.

(he is so cute don't you just want to see him snarling and covered in blood. don't you want to see him slowly abandon his ideals in a desperate bid to be accepted by the world that shunned and demonized him.)

battle, bloodshed, and court politics ensue! also because it's a shoujo manga, Richard becomes the psychosexual obsession of most of the male cast and engages in a toxic doomed relationship or two.

this is not a series for those looking for good queer rep, but perfect for anyone who wants to read about beautiful criminally insane people tearing each other's throats out and being horny about it. it is fun, violent, melodramatic, sexy, and utterly devastating. and although it is tonally very different from TRE, it has so many similar ingredients that i think it deserves to be on your radar. actually it deserves to be on everyone's radar, it's so fucking good and doesn't get anywhere near the attention it deserves...

yea there is an anime that is unforgivably ugly and so heavily censored it's a mystery why they even bothered to adapt it. would not recommend it at all but i guess you can watch it if you want, i am not the police.

actually no i changed my mind. Aya Kanno's work is stunning and deserves to be appreciated. ok case rested.

[immunetoneurotoxin]

“Not a soul assigned to their case at the Bureau could make sense of their existence. There wasn’t a single scientist, parapsychologist, doctor, or specialist with over a dozen PHD’s under the sun that could figure them out. Pyrokinesis in a human? They defy every law of nature, yet they exist amongst humanity regardless. How do you explain that?” “The truth is that there are a lot of unknown things out there in the world that mankind hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of. Everyone flocked to this case trying to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. Look at the files in your hands. By the eyes of science, Pyro should not exist. Don’t you know what happens to things mankind doesn’t understand? The Bureau has done sickening things to them in the name of research.” “That’s why I helped them escape, Conagher.”

Excerpt from the novel INCENDIARY; A TF2 Pyro origin story Read the latest chapter of 'Incendiary' on AO3 here! Artwork created by the incredible @narklos ♡ 

[hypmicdaydreams]

is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol

[nightshademyn]

Spring Nap time 💤 🐰

[crebbyhermit]

oc textposts :) 

[walkingstackofbooks]

I really didn't think I was going to get Chapter 19 up on time, but I did and I have!

And MAN the Garashir in this chapter is some of my favourite stuff I've ever written, honestly I'm rereading it and I can't believe I wrote it... Ah man, I'm so hype to share this chapter with youuuuu!

[nest-being]

i hate that i've been so sick recently :( i wake up tired and sore every day and there's just a bunch of seemingly small health issues that just all add up together and it's freaking me out so much. i went and got my blood tests done yesterday and i've got a doctor's appointment next week so i really, really, REALLY hope i get some answers and not just another, hmmm, weeeell 🤷🏻‍♀️ from my doctor. i'm supposed to be moving overseas with my wife next year so i literally NEED to get better. is wishful thinking enough to heal me?? i wish it was 😢

[tricksterlatte]

The Online Fandom 7 Deadly Sins

sloth: complaining about how no one writes the tropes or pairings you like and bashing what's already out there, while refusing to create anything you desire yourself

greed: zine and other finance-related scandals with zero remorse for those negatively affected

gluttony: spending rent money on merch, experiencing buyer's remorse, then repeating the same process next month

wrath: anon hate over literally everything under the sun, even harassing official writers and threatening them if they don't make your ship canon

pride: devaluing other's characterizations and ships to praise yours as better, whether through a canon perspective or a moral perspective, when neither matter in the long run when it comes to your own enjoyment

envy: trash talking others' fandom creations or saying you won't bother creating anything because it'll never be as good as them

lust: fighting over who tops or bottoms because of your personal preferences when one, both, or neither could happen, especially when most of these characters never even kiss canonically nor have most people fighting done any of these things irl themselves

[peachcitt]

it’s about to be june everybody :)

[skrunksthatwunk]

"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.

i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍

[starpros-sunshine]

also i think that after seeing that Something is going out with his eichisama tori should also sneak into town to go and see what's the deal with this wataru guy. and he inevitably gets lost but meets hajime and they have a bonding moment barbie movie-style and him and tomoya help tori meet wataru. and then wataru sees tomoya and goes "oho! interesting child!" which once again leads to eichi unreasonable jealousy against this poor random kid

Okay so I've been thinking on this and I've been trying to get something coherent and bear with me right right.

(this got so long again I just started going into detail and detail and detail and oh god I am so sorry)

So Tori, poor, innocent Tori, has to come to terms with the fact that Eichi is hiding something from him (that "Something" being a tall blue-haired extra of unknown origin) and he knows that, technically, the mature thing would be to leave it alone. Eichi will have his reasons for being a little secretive about it. He has his own life and if he doesn't want to be open about...whatever it is that seems to be going on there.... then he doesn't have to be because the man has a right to privacy.

Tori knows that. But Tori also knows that being mature doesn't matter if, technically, his beloved Eichi-sama could be at risk of giving his heart away to a scoundrel that only wishes to play with him until he's bored and then throws him away, breaking Eichis heart in the process. We couldn't have that! And what if he's a criminal? Can you really trust someone who snoops around on other peoples property without their knowing? No you can't! So really it's only natural Tori wants to know what that guys deal is. Out of a genuine concern for his friend. Of course.

And so obviously it's a completely acceptable and normal and rational decision when he sees that Yuzuru isn't there for a moment to keep watch over him like the guard dog that he is (really Tori isn't a child anymore there's no need to be so overprotective) and the other staff members also don't seem to be around and Eichi is also nowhere to be seen, that he decides to take his coat and pack his little bag with some money (read: more money than just "some" money) and tries to sneak out of the house and down the path across the small meadow and the bit of forest that separates their not-so-humble abode from the small town where the other people live.

His inital plan simple. Go there; ask around a little, maybe try some tailing (after hearing stories from the other aristocrats about how one is able to hire people to follow their spouses around without them noticing - and that apparently being an actual thing people earn their money with - he's decided that it can't be that hard and he should try his luck.) and then leaving as quickly as possible, lest Yuzuru die of a heart attack after finding out Tori dissappeared. It would be quick and easy and nobody would ever find out. That was the original plan. But Tori very soon comes to find that that could prove harder than he thought when he notices he actually really really enjoys the feeling of not having anyone hover over him like some sort of falcon watching their prey.

The little river running by the path through the meadow is still frozen (It is winter after all) and the snow on the ground almost reaches his ankles. The 15 minute walk takes him 30 because he keeps jumping around in the snow (He's made three snow angels by now. For a second he has to think of his sister and of how nice it would be if she were here with him too and how they could make snow angels together were it not for her having to stay with their parents, but he pushes that thought to the back of his head again and decides to move on with his way).

When he eventually arrives at the town - and after just wandering aimlessly through the rather empty streets - there are three major epiphanies.

The first one is that he doesn't have a clear destination. He has no idea where to look for the blue-haired weirdo. The second is that, seeing as it is a forenoon in january, most people probably aren't spending their time outside. And if they are then they are at a different place than where he is. And the third and final one: He is completely and utterly lost.

It should be regarded as an accomplishment really. Getting lost in a town with a population of barely 300 locals living there. Indeed Tori would think it impossible. Yet here he is. If anything he's sure he's at least the only one who can claim this feat for himself. This is fine. He has this under control. If he just keeps walking then he's sure to come out somewhere (No there are no tears in his eyes anyone who says otherwise is just imagining things (he decidedly ignores the little voice in his head that tells him "Who's gonna say otherwise. Look around yourself, have you forgotten that you're all alone here?")). So the big brave boy that he is he marches onward, ignoring the way his fingers have started to feel numb from the cold and his eyes have not stopped watering and the little voice in the back of his head that tells him he should've just listened to Yuzuru (He banishes that one to the deepest depths of his subconscious very quickly. There are blows that his pride can take in these situations and then there's having to agree with "You should've just listened to Yuzuru". If There is one thing that can be said about Tori then it's that he is not one to simply give up. He has come this far and he'll be damed if he backs out now).

Lost in thought and not paying much attention to his surroundings (he has more important things to think about right now), he only manages to register a flash of blue in his peripheral vision. And because this could be what he's come here for in the first place but more importantly because this is a person and that is where the bar is set, Tori immediately tries to follow them. If Lady Luck is especially nice to him this time she lets this person be the mysterious stranger he's been looking for, but what feels like a day of walking through empty streets in the biting cold of a noon in late january have humbled him enough to not push it with his luck.

And when he turns the corner, calling out for the figure to wait, insted of the strange man he was expecting he comes face-to-face with a meekish looking boy with blue hair and big violet eyes and next to him there's a second boy, this one able to be described in all aspects with only one word: average. And for a solid ten seconds they all just stare at each other.

Tori doesn't really know how, he really has no idea, but somehow he ended up following the two home. Or, well, more or less. Following isn't really the right word here. After their almost-staring-competition on the street the meekish looking one with the blue hair asked him if he was alright because "he seemed lost" (he absolutely did not.) which then prompted an entire series of events that ended is Tori sitting in this strangers families home - with an entirely different stranger also there - getting a serving of what he assumes to be radish soup. Tori feels a little sorry for the boy, Tomoya, as he said his name was, who seemed like he was previously engaged in a conversation with the other boy, who later introduced himself as Hajime and who had spent the entire way asking him questions about how he ended up here and what someone like him was doing all alone in a sleepy village neighbourhood like theirs and if he really didn't need a tissue (He hadn't cried while explaining how he was lost. He totally hadn't) and on and on and on as Tomoya had to awkwardly walk behind them.

So now, sitting at this table with these two people who he has only met today and who have given him a bowl of soup to warm himself up with, he has to tell everything about how he ended up in this situation in the first place. At the end of his recollection of this oh so wonderful day he is met with two pitying looks an a laugh - apparently one of Hajimes younger siblings had joined them at their little impromptu gathering (he wonders, distantly, how his own sister is doing right now).

And as he's about to say that he should probably make his way home and resume his mission another time when he has a map, Hajime mentions that he actually knows the guy Tori is talking about and that he lives at the local inn and that that isn't that far from them and that he and Tomoya can walk him there if he wants to. Tori agrees immediately. He is so over trying to be discreet about it at this point he really just wants some sort of success in this kind of ridiculous endeavour he's set out on.

So after the soup is finished and his limbs don't feel like they're about to fall off anymore the trio goes on their merry way and Tori feels a little silly because for all the walking around he did before they reach this inn really pretty quickly... maybe he should've thought to bring a map... The three of them venture further into the inn, and Tori only overhears Hajime talking to an older woman, but he's more occupied with looking around the place. It's father homely and rustic, a completely different atmosphere than at their place. There are noises from the few patrons sitting at the tables and chatting with each other, but it only add to the cozy feeling of the entire place.

When Hajime comes back he leads Tori up a little stairway and down a dimly lit hallway. They stop in front of a door at the very end of it (in my head there's a bit of a terasse thing happening there like. you can look down into the part where the tables are and such right right) and Tori barely has time to mentally prepare for the fact that this really is happening now before Hajime knocks and the sound of muffled steps approaching the door can be heard.

When the door finally opens (it's been a few seconds at best but it feels like an eternity), Tori is greeted by the lovely view of a pair of pale clavicles, barely covered by a black linen blouse. He has to actively look up to look at the face of their owner and when he is met with a pair of sharp, purple eyes he feels like his throat just sew itself shut. Hajime explains to Wataru that Tori was looking for him and suddenly a light seems to go up above Watarus head as a look of recognition flashes over his face and he turns around to Tori again and asks him if he's "the princess that Eichi's been telling him all about". Tori is confused. Hajime decides that this is his cue to leave and he slowly backs away to go back down and collect Tomoya, who's been roped into helping out with the catering by some elder gentleman (Wataru watches Hajime as he collects Tomoya and they leave, intrigued by this strangely average boy, as Tori just stares in horror as the realisation dawns upon him that he is now completely alone with this man whom he didn't even intend on speaking to in the first place).

So now he is here. In this very awkward situation. Sitting on a chair in this strangers room (for the second time today! Did he ever have a day this eventful? Who knows! Tori for sure doesn't.). He wants to talk, but Wataru is faster and asks him what he's doing here. Tori doesn't really know how to reply. How do you talk your way around having to tell someone that you actually got lost on the way to spy on them. That's right. You can't. Well, Eichi could. But Tori is Tori and he never wished for that to change more than he did now.

He looks out of the window and it is at that moment that another three major epiphanies reach him. Firstly that he doesn't know what to do now that he's here, secondly that he's going to get murdered by Yuzuru (and if worst comes to worst also Eichi) once he gets back because he's been gone all day without telling anyone and they're probably all worried sick, and last but not least: it is dark outside. He can't go home like that. He is virtually stuck in this predicament he found himself in.

Wataru seems to have a similar thought, because the immediate follow up question after not really getting a coherent answer from Tori is if anyone knows he's gone. Tori shakes his head. If Tsukasa ever finds out about this mess of a situation he will have to die because he would never let Tori live that down.

He gets ripped out of his incoming spiral by the bird that takes a seat on his head and Watarus over-the-top contemplative sigh and the slight lilt in his voice when he voices the next issue that's in the room. He isn't even speaking to Tori anymore, but to his bird that sits on Toris head, Jeanne, and Tori is starting to get annoyed by the way he jokes about this entire thing, calling Tori a "a little bird that escaped its nest", as if he isn't stuck having to prepare for his untimely demise. And by the way this guy hasn't put down his cryptic smile and teasing voice ever since he entered the room. When he thinks things can't get any more awkward for him Wataru proposes two options. Either he walks him home, or Tori has to stay at the inn for the night and he brings him back in the morning. Tori decides he'd rather go back home sooner than later (he'll have to take the lacture either way and he's probably caused everyone enough worries by now anyways. And also he misses his bed.). So Wataru grabs his coat, quickly goes to tell the inn-keepers he's "bringing retuening the princess to ger people" (Tori doesn't know if he liked the bird comparison better or not).

The way back is still very tense because Tori does not dare to walk next to Wataru (he's sketchy it's not Toris fault it's a normal reaction) and so he just awkwardly walks behind him, He doesn't really watch his surroundings - it is dark and the only nice thing is that it's snowing and there are animal sounds and they are spooky and he needs to watch the way and it's easier to think that way - until suddenly he gets hit by a snowball right in the head. And he is so baffled by this that he just stares at Wataru, and Wataru grins at him with his stupid stupid grin and somehow they end up in a snowball fight on this meadow where the only reason you can see anything is because of the snow and when they finally arrive at the mansion they both have so much snow in their hair and their clothes are wet from the melted snow and when they knock on the door and wait for someone to open Wataru gets some of the snow out of Toris hair and says that that snowball fight can be their little shared secret and Tori grins back at him and agrees and when the door opens and both of them are frantically ushered in by a maid that tells another one to get Yuzuru and Eichi Tori decides that maybe this guy isn'r so bad after all. Maybe he's actually quite nice.