#her obsession with status is because she literally just wants to be loved and is projecting it in the wrong way

[ouroborosorder]

my favorite genre of manga is “the author started this as a gag series but slowly got invested and now we’re getting character studies of people meant to be joke characters”

[moghedien]

Actually obsessed with the whole dynamic Minthara has with the tadpole mind melding powers. Because while I believe almost every other companion with a tadpole does use the powers to sort of communicate/share thoughts with the PC at some point, and even to share personal information, it feels different with Minthara

For one thing, while all (except Gale for some reason) of the tadpoled origin characters sorta mind meld with you upon meeting, it isn’t intentional with them. You’re all doing that on accident. But the first thing Minthara does upon meeting you is intentionally grab your mind and pry into it. She 100% knows she’s doing it and means to do it and the way it’s described is almost sensual

Like it’s jarring and firm, but not worded as being rough or aggressive. She caresses your mind.

But you also have to keep in mind that she is under mind control at this moment and while her decisions aren’t her own to a significant degree, her desires to reach into other people’s minds and look inside seems to be a largely Minthara thing. Other true souls do it but generally only to identify you and they’re content after learning you’re a true soul. Minthara wants to see what’s going on in your head, to an extent maybe only Z’rell does, though even with Z’rell it’s more sadism on wanting to see the goblins suffer and testing your loyalty (notably after she’s just had to sentence a high ranking true soul to death for failing under her watch so loyalty is a concern atm).

And the really interesting thing here is that Minthara is the only one (at this moment because you don’t have Minsc yet) that has a real and genuine trauma around the tadpole controlling her mind. All of the origin characters were being protected from the absolute’s control pretty much from the start. Minthara wasn’t, and she was tadpoled in an intentionally violent and horrifying way by Orin, and only after Orin made her suffer while in possession of her own mind. Orin tortured her, tadpoles her and made Minthara worship her, and then tortured her some more while Minthara couldn’t do anything but love her. It’s to the point where even all of her hatred of Ketheric stems from the sole fact he handed her over to Orin. Anything else he did, she hardly seems bothered by and even says she respects him. Him being the reason that Orin had her is the one reason she wanted him to die.

After Minthara is free from the absolute’s mind control, she doesn’t really noticeably pry into your mind until the scene where you can start a romance with her, and the dynamic there is what really makes the whole thing interesting to me.

Because she is clearly concerned about your relationship status, because she has to be at a high approval rating to get this scene, meaning SHE likes you. That doesn’t mean that you like her or that you’re trustworthy. She is a Baenre. Her last allegiances were with people that falsely welcomed her in and then tortured her. She isn’t going to accept that anyone is trustworthy.

Not unless she can go in and see that you really truly are.

Which is what really makes this dynamic, because Minthara has THE most trauma around being tadpoled and mind controlled, and yet the only way she can trust someone that she’s started to like is by using said tadpole abilities to look into their mind and seeing what they think about her. Like the tadpoling combined with her upbringing in Menzoberranzan made literally looking inside someone’s mind the only option for her to determine if they’re trustworthy. Which is probably why that was her go-to even when she was under the absolute’s control. Then, being chosen by the absolute was enough for her to accept you, even if you’re a darthiir

And when you get the scene where she wants to look in your kind, it starts with her trying to do so and then pulling back. Almost as if she did it without meaning to. Like she’d been worried if she couldn’t trust you and so her instinct was just to check, but then she realized what she was doing and that it’s wrong to do that so she stops herself. Like she’s definitely grown used to just doing that, but being aware now means she’s aware of that being wrong, even if it’s really really something she needs to see. So she stops herself and explains what’s bothering her and then asks to go in and look at your mind.

And notably, the thing she says she’s having trouble with is her identity, which yeah. She absolutely is having identity issues but that is another post, and I don’t think that’s even really the main reason she’s doing this. Like I said, she has to like you a lot in order to get this scene and what comes from this scene implies that she was trying to pin down your relationship, not her identity.

If you let her in and she sees that you view her positively and not in a way that threatens her, she just comes onto you right there. She very clearly wanted to trust you and if she looks in and sees that you’re not a threat to her, she just goes all in on that. If you don’t immediately see her as a love interest, she does try to talk you into it and expresses the need your absolute trust and whatnot. Like ensuring trust was always her goal there.

But if you basically come onto her first by indicating you see her as a lover, she immediately makes herself even more vulnerable. She does so by just letting you touch her mind after she’s been through the worst fucking mind control, but if you indicate you want her, she just immediately drops whatever guards she still had up and lets you in.

It was absolutely a test of her ability to trust you, not her trying to figure out her identity, at least not her identity outside of her relationship with you.

And once you’ve both peeped inside and determined you aren’t going to hurt each other, like I said she’s much more vulnerable both in her tone and words but also she’s still in your mind

She already admitted her fears to you at this point, but reading her almost hesitance to touch your mind after this is just a whole other level. Because this is after you agree to be with her, and now she’s all of a sudden afraid of touching your mind. Not because she’s afraid of what she’ll see there because she’s already seen it. And idk what I’m even saying here but just the moment when Minthara knows without a doubt that the two of you are something is the moment she shows hesitance with touching her mind. And it wasn’t as if the first time she did it in the goblin camp it was rough. It was notably not rough and described as a caress.

But it’s just all coming together now. Touching your minds is the only way she can feel safe, but it’s also the thing that hurt her the most in the past with others. So now she has safety and she has you and she has permission to be in your mind, and she hesitates, like she’s afraid of doing even the slightest thing to hurt you now.

Because if you’ve gotten this far with her, you are literally the only person what Minthara has ever loved that the love didn’t come with stipulations and violence. And if you realize that, it’s clear why she would so immediately devote herself to the first person she liked who she could be absolutely sure wouldn’t hurt her and why she hesitates now when doing things that even slightly resemble how she was hurt in the past.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Finals

Propaganda Under Cut

Sakura Haruno

Her husband is gay and her author doesn't know how to write women. So many people say she's the worst but she. DESERVES. BETTER!!! Save her from this franchise.

My baby girl my bestie my best friend. She committed the crime of um being written by kishimoto who both doesn’t know how to write women and somehow writes men in the gayest way possible specifically naruto and sasuke. Like the thing is naruto and sasuke ARE gay and also she gets so much hate for the crime of kishimoto writing her one dimensionally in love with sasuke. I know her personally she is a butch lesbian to me just trust me she’s in love with Ino and has a lesbian thing going on with Karin okay just trust me. My everything. She needs to divorce the loveless lavender marriage she’s in 

What is there to say, even? The OG Threat to my 90s anime brain, the only woman I've ever hated with such a passion she made me turn away from the color pink. I used to write fics with my friend where she got left behind on purpose so our OCs could join the Naruto and Sasuke team instead. I loathed this bitch until I was 16 and realized the author simply couldnt write women and decided it was time to make peace with Sakura. It is not her fault she's vaguely written and obsessive over Sasuke. She deserves better. Sasuke and Naruto still should be together and Sakura shouldnt be with Sasuke but I no longer believe this because I hate Sakura, it is because I love her. She deserves a spouse who will actually put in the time to treat her like the hero she is.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime

[sephirthoughts]

Vincent’s lingering obsession with Lucrecia is excellent drama, but their story is not a doomed romance.

This is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think Lucrecia deserves nearly as much pity and excusing of her actions as she gets. This is not character-hate post, it's an analysis of a character I think gets short shrift as a Mother-Mary in a bell jar, and deserves better.

Lucrecia is morally grey. Charcoal grey. I love complex, morally grey characters, particularly when they're women, since usually women are relegated to roles that infantilize and objectify them, particularly in video games, which have historically been a very backward, androcentric medium. I strongly dislike brainless victims, subject to the whims of the male characters, without much agency, and Lucrecia was not such a character.

Lucrecia was an adult with agency and brains. She was a grown ass adult. She was a brilliant scientist. She made decisions with her eyes open, and even sacrificed her unborn child to her work. She is a very interesting character. The fact that she didn't idolize motherhood as the end-all of female existence, and that her obsession with her work was stronger than her desire to be a 'good mother' makes her far more interesting than otherwise. The fact that she regretted it later and wanted him back doesn’t magically make her a good person, or change the choices she made. It demonstrates guilt and remorse, which are part of character development. The bottom line is that she committed atrocities in the name of science, then felt guilty about it later, once she realized how devastating the consequences were to her personally. To say she didn’t know what she was doing or Hojo manipulated or controlled her is to infantilize and disrespect her character. She’s not some sacrificial angel who was a victim of circumstances; she was a willing participant in her own downfall.

Lucrecia is a tragic character, but she's not a romantic lead. Except in Vincent's head. After all was said and done, she had one of those too-late changes of heart that make tragedy so emotionally impactful. She had a human reaction to Vincent's death and felt terribly guilty for her role in all of it, as she should. That doesn't mean she loved him, it means she wasn't a monster. She lost her son, and gradually, Hojo's callous inhumanity and her inability to escape the net she wove with her own hands closed in on her. Did she deserve to never hold her baby son and never see him even once? No. But she caused it, with her own actions. That's tragedy. She was miserable, bereft, and riddled with guilt, so she made a last-ditch effort to make something right...by doing more insane science shit that turned Vincent into a monster. Seeing that she'd only made everything worse, she tried to kill herself, but was unable to, and thus ran off to become a crystal statue in a cave (this is a trope that I dislike, but that's the story, so that's what we've got).

Vincent is a bad judge of the circumstances. Vincent persists in seeing her as a lost love, and someone from whom he was unjustly separated by circumstances. The fact that he is so blinded by his feelings for her that he places her on this pedestal and can't blame her for what she did is excellent characterization, and I love it, but it's because he’s wrong. He loved her. She didn’t love him (I think she was in love with his father, but that's just icing on the tragedy cake, at this point). His lingering attachment, not to the real Lucrecia, but to the idealized version of her he has in his mind, is a very sad reality that adds so much delicious pain to his character. In the end, he is unable to blame her, because he loved his image of her (and Hojo is a way easier target for anger, because he's literally the worst), which speaks far more to his personal bias in the situation than to her actual role in it. She’s not moustache-twirlingly evil like Hojo but she’s not Vincent's star cross'd soul mate tragically torn away by cruel fate. Lucrecia was her own person.

In summation. Their story is not a doomed romance, it's a complicated, messy, ugly tangle of thorns, and one of the best written tragedies in a game that literally bleeds tragedy from every orifice. It's got one-sided love, obsession, mad science, betrayal, jealousy, fetal experimentation, murder, corpse reanimation, and a guy who can't die, and is left to deal with the consequences of everyone else's actions by himself forever. No one is innocent and no one comes out unscathed…strike that. Vincent is innocent and Hojo comes out unscathed. But still. Lucrecia is not a holy mother, she's not a brainless victim, and she's not Vincent's lost love. She's a person he loved, and who didn't reciprocate. Most importantly, she's a person. A whole-ass, complex, morally grey, fully developed person, who made terrible choices, then made even worse choices, and in the end, couldn't escape the fate she wove for herself.

And then wound up encased in crystal so she could be a pretty statue forever cause the game devs just couldn't help themselves I guess.

[falsemilkbun]

I have so many feelings about this sad dusty little pigeon. God. Let me count the ways. This isn't Smart Meta, I have been doing too much tourist season work to be smart. All this is is aaaaa wife! ;~;

Like, that these are images of the same person and there's a continuity between them is so good and tasty and important. To me.

ETA: William this literally spoils the ending GTFO

I think a lot about how there's this throughline of palatability and consumability with Mithrun, so to speak. He spends his younger days making himself palatable and bubbly and friendly and perfect for everyone around him, all the while being a bundle of resentment and inferiority under that surface presentation.

And it works, he's beloved by everybody but Milsiril, who is more demonstrative about her negative feelings and finds his chipperness and sociability unsettling and annoying. She only starts to feel for him when she sees the dungeon he's built, because it's the first real exterior manifestation of his pain that's been revealed to her. And his inferiority is pain; his status and the fact he's loved at all is so intensely tied to his appearance and his presentation, and by that token it's completely conditional and he knows that. His greatest desire was a reality in which he could trust no one would (one assumes just emotonally) hurt him.

His drive is to be loved safely and completely, and it's ultimately a self-destructive drive that doesn't disappear when his desire and motivation are taken from him. What he wants, which isn't apparent to him for some time, is to be completely consumed. He wants to not have been discarded.

Like, there's definitely rage with his demon obsession. He is angry, but it's more complicated than simple anger at what was done to him. The parts where he's angry are sandwiched between parts where he's expressing all this insecurity, all this yearning to be fully consumed and fully loved. The fact that he wasn't makes him think of and describe himself as literal garbage.

So much of his scary forward momentum comes from what amounts to heartbreak and self-hatred. He was smothering in pressure and inferiority, and that made him vulnerable to someonething that offered him an escape only to gradually and then suddenly eat him alive. That maimed and disabled him, that purposely stripped him of the features that people valued him for. That ate the Good Parts and left the rest, which is most of him.

I don't know. Except I do. This is kind of a doodle/sketch of a smarter meta post I want to do eventually.

They're the same. There's continuity. To me. That feels important. I don't jibe with thinking of them as distinct, or with the idea that what happened fixed or matured him somehow. He's in the exact same kind of pain the whole time, it just depends whether he registers it or not.

And of course my pairing agenda is involved, because Kabru is kind and patient with him and ties stupid little bows in his clothes and doesn't really ask anything of him. And doesn't believe he's incapable of sleeping with magic or drugs. And doesn't believe he's incapable of feeling or growing or living a worthwhile life. Kabru doesn't believe he's garbage.

[voice-of-the-tired]

(ramblings of a madman upcoming. this is borderline nonsensical but I just gotta get this out there)

ugh, I LOVE the voices parallels so much. they make me insane. and I've been thinking about opportunist/hunted and skeptic/smitten the most rn.

for the first two, in their respective chapter 2s they are survival responses put in situations where said responses are entirely reasonable, but will end up reinforcing the "status quo" if entertained. this is somewhat the case with most of the voices, but I think it's especially noticeable with them.

the opportunist has a "betray them before they ever get the chance to betray you" mentality, and would you look at that, the witch has the very same mentality! and he is CORRECT in thinking she will betray you. because she will. but by following him and what he thinks, you're just making it impossible to break the cycle of violence (this is literally the point of the thorn).

the hunted behaves... well, like prey, and uh. the beast IS a predator. he IS prey. she is hunting them. but if you just follow your instincts you'll never be able to free her, or defeat her, or leave together or learn about reconciliation or do anything else that isn't survive.

so their situations are reinforcing their behaviour, then their behaviour in turn reinforces their situation; they are stuck in a cycle. at least with the hunted you can have the skeptic to make a plan later on in the den, I guess. but it's still a fascinating thing.

I think the stubborn and the broken chapters are a bit similar to them in this regard, but those have more to do with giving meaning to the princess and choosing whether or not you should fight against it in the end. it's a bit of a different situation. skeptic and smitten also don't quite... doom themselves if you just follow them, even though they actively feed into the chapter's "concepts", because they're sort of "tools" made to complement and help you towards your goal (free the princess through skepticism or blind devotion) as opposed to survival responses.

talking about them... oh boy, skeptic and smitten in their respective chapter 2s. you can just go through with whatever the plan was (leave with her), but if you don't, they won't ever get the only thing they sought and will hurt others (and themselves) in their desperation. you take away smitten's happy ending, and you leave skeptic without answers, and to that they just. fucking lose it. going with the previous tool comparation, you could say that's what happens when a "tool" isn't useful in a specific situation any longer. it can't do anything else except for its designated function. so

when the illusion that love makes everything possible and that all you and the princess needed was each other shattered, the smitten couldn't believe it. this was everything he ever wanted and everything he knew; you are the hero. she is a damsel. you are in love. you save the damsel and live happily ever after. that's what HAD to happen, and if it didn't, then it will. he has to make it happen, because it can't and shouldn't work in any other way.

in the prisoner, if you don't take her head, you are shoved into eternal nothingness while left with only questions. what is this place? who is the narrator? what is he hiding? who is the princess? why is she locked up? how could she end the world? is there a world? where is it? why are we the ones doing this? why did the princess cut off her head? not only could they not go through with saving the princess like they tried before, but there are SO many questions, and skeptic didn't get any answers! they can't be left unanswered, the truth HAS to be unraveled. that's what he's been trying to do all along. it's the only thing that matters. they WILL keep going and they WILL figure it out.

they are too obsessed to care about anything else. they are too stuck in their tunnel vision to accept anything else. they are too far gone to do anything else.

lord help me I am going insane because of this game /pos

[writers-potion]

when writing enemies to lovers, how to I avoid the trope of “hes mean to me but it’s okay because he likes me” and make the mmc redeemable after being mean, because so far all I have is have her be just as bad 😭 (I don’t know if I worded that right)

Redeeming The Bad Boy Character

Drop Subtle Hints of Redeemability

Okay. Rule Number 1 for romance heroes: They need to be LOVABLE. Full stop. 

Before you start coming up with possible justifications, place the actions of your bad boy on the emotional balancing scale of your girl. Do his real feelings shine through the meanness on the surface?

What readers usually DON’T want to see redeemed is:

Outright lying/manipulating the girl 

Being obsessive and controlling 

Physical/emotional bullying (i.e. stuff that real bullies would do)

“Crossing the line”: This will depend on character - like insulting a disabled sister the girl character feels super protective towards (like NO PLEASE NO)

Even if the “enemy” phase of your romance is meant to be intense, your bad boy needs to display “goodness of heart”. This is easy if you’re switching POVs or 3rd person omniscient where you can show him secretly beating himself in regret, trying to make up with her behind her back although she doesn’t know, etc. 

Even if you’re doing the girl’s 1st person POV, drop subtle hints that the guy character isn’t as mean as the girl is made to believe:

Him having the reputation with friends/teachers/neighbors for being kind 

Him being awarded in school for good deeds

The girl’s friend telling her stories about how the guy actually seems nice. If this is a YA setting, you can even get away with explicit comments like, “maybe you’re judging him too hard”, etc. 

A good example is Bryce  in <Flipped>:

Bryce is an innately shy middle schooler who finds himself inadvertently influenced by his toxic dad, who looks down on the girl (Juli) and her family. 

By flipping over to Bryce’s POV, his reluctance for the “mean” things he’s done is revealed (he’s kinda scared of his dad + he’s never been taught better)

Eventually, Bryce grows up and learns to treat Juli better. 

If you’re going to use family history/backstory as justification, remember:

The backstory doesn’t justify anything by just existing. That’s called an excuse. 

The bad boy needs to have a point of realization and grow up, moving away from his dark past into the light, towards the love interest. 

Misunderstanding

Another way to redeem a bad boy character is to shift some blame on the female character too. In fact, every story has two sides - the girl has her own goals and biases. 

For example:

Academic or workplace rivals: since the girl has to compete with him, she will tend to take offhand comments offensively, etc. 

A third person badmouthing the buy deliberately to the girl

The girl overhearing the guy saying something bad about her (which wasn’t in fact the case) and being determined to not like anything he does after

Make Him Suffer 

If you want to give your girl some backbone, just make her fight back! “Fighting back” can be in different forms:

Ignoring the guy outright

Just giving her another potential love interest who treats her better 

She literally correcting him with awesome logic and maturity that make him shut up

She crying (either out of madness or sadness), then proceeding to avoid him actively

Write about how your bad boy will eventually realize his mistakes and come around after he takes a real blow. Think about why your bad boy is being mean in the first place: it’s to get her attention. Tit-for-tat can work for female characters who have some teeth, but doing the same things he does would mean that she IS giving him attention, which ironically fulfills his initial motives. 

Personally, I think the best way to “fight back” is to no longer give him the attention, hinting that the girl wishes to move on from this unhelpful relationship status. This will set off warning signs in the MMC’s head that if he doesn’t change his ways, she would be gone for good. 

The point is, if your girl cannot tolerate something, you can’t make her sit around. If your boy is mean and immature, she needs to be the one to take the mature step - and walk away.

Apologizing in the Other Character’s Style

What the MMC will need to do to gain the girl’s attention back will depend on what she thinks, but this will often involve:

Explaining his true motivations/resolving the misunderstanding

A genuine apology 

Spending some time apart during which he can reflect and make up to her 

Undoing the damage, if this is possible

If she’s been just as bad as him on occasions, make her reciprocate the apology! Re-establish healthy boundaries that didn’t exist before, and show how they stick to it. 

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

How murderous is Karkat and Eridan?

Eridan: "killin is all i evver done practically the ocean wwas my killing cauldron"

Karkat: loves his friends so much that it hurts

They're both really blasé about killing things like imps or game enemies, and neither of them WANT to hurt their friends. Eridan's just more used to it because it was his whole job, and he's a lot better at fighting than Karkat is.

Vriska at one point says to John that her bodycount is probably "many thousands," so we can probably use that as a reference and assume Eridan's in that same bracket, because he and Vriska have a lot of parallels. In fact, I'd go so far as to call Vriska and Eridan a literary device called "parallel characters" - by listening to Vriska tell John about her feelings about her bodycount and of her place in society, we get to learn about how Eridan's feeling, too.

If we set the bar at 3000 (the low end of "many thousands") and Vriska and Eridan are both the equivalent of 13 years old, or a little less than 700 weeks, that meant he and Vriska were averaging out to multiple kills a week (and given they probably didn't start when they were newhatches and 3000 is a low estimate, like... it was probably an insane number like 5-7 kills/week). But never anyone they "cared about," in Vriska's words, until the Team Charge debacle, or Eridan went berserk on Feferi and Sollux (we should also keep in mind that Eridan outright says to Kanaya that he doesn't want to kill people he considers his friends).

But Eridan is significantly less emotionally intelligent than Vriska (a fucking feat), has less of a support system, and has a lot of Duty and Responsibility and Fate of the Species on his shoulders, so he copes a lot worse (again, a fucking feat). For Eridan, it's less about "being murderous," and more about "society demands that I be murderous" + "if I am not murderous, everybody dies" + "when I grow up, murder is my only viable career path".

He's ANXIOUS AS FUCK at his core. Via their parallel character status, we know from Vriska that they're both actually really nervous about growing up and taking their place in a society that demands bloodshed from them. When Eridan obsesses over genocide, it's a byproduct of Literally Being The Guy That Is Preventing Genocide (to the point of not really having other hobbies). We also know that he feels guilt towards his victims (or at least more than Feferi), which we know from Vriska is societally unacceptible. And if it's unacceptible for her to feel bad, then imagine how much less okay it is for the sea dweller.

So I wouldn't necessarily call Eridan murderous - like with most things regarding Eridan, it's more complicated than that - but I would call him "on a hair trigger", "conditioned to reach towards murder as an early solution," and "obsessively/anxiously trying to live up to how murderous society demands he be," all while not at all wanting to kill people he cares about. I think it's really important to note that, even though the higher the blood the more volatile the troll, and despite being unauspiced and unmoirailled, and without relying on sopor, Eridan did not start shooting to kill until Sollux and Feferi escalated the situation.

And before anyone mentions that Feferi's in the same boat, she spends practically the whole time with Sollux, who is foreshadowed to be her moirail.

Like, the tragedy of Eridan's character is that he's lonely and terrified, but does such a good job at putting up an obnoxious front that even a lot of the audience became convinced that he basically sucked and his problems didn't matter. His dumbass plan to go to Jack was a genuine attempt to save Feferi, the person he cared most about.

If you go back and look at that conversation, Eridan's casual casteist threats aren't genuine (see my pinned Eridan essay for details) - and SOLLUX is the one who says "I should have killed you when I had the chance". And Eridan DOESN'T KILL SOLLUX, because this whole time, Eridan has not wanted to kill his friends. It's not until Feferi - the person he cares most about, the one whom he concocted that suicidal mission in order to save - turns on him in agreement that Sollux should've killed him - that makes Eridan finally lose it.

Meanwhile, Karkat just loves his friends. He loves them so fucking much. I think this is pretty well-documented about him? He's got no qualms about murdering game constructs like imps and the black king, but he feels deeply fucking hurt and betrayed by Bec Noir since he bonded with Jack/Spades Slick. I don't think Karkat ever makes a genuine death threat against anybody but past!Eridan, but he and Eridan are heavily foreshadowed to be moirails, and that conversation has a hilarious bit in the middle where Karkat seemingly forgets that he's mad at the guy and just starts telling him he's a dumbass. Later on, he expresses missing his dead friends, including/especially the assholes, in the same segment as the meteor runs into dead Feferi and Eridan, so I think that that was more an angry outburst than a genuine desire to see Eridan dead.

In fact, even though he's basically shown nothing but scorn for Gamzee and Gamzee's religious beliefs and clown-ness, and even after Gamzee murders two people and seems to be trying to murder them all, Karkat can't bring himself to kill or even fight the guy, just shooshpap him down, later ranting that Gamzee was a lovable bullshit clown that he liked a lot, and (one of) his best friend(s).

So they're both in this boat of not wanting to kill their friends, but feeling societally pressured into grandstanding that they're TOTALLY murderous assholes just trust me - but Eridan was in a position where he was forced to do it at the detriment of any other hobbies, or else everybody died, and is also one of the best fighters on the team, if not THE best. Thus, the fact that it's a viable option is not only near the forefront of his mind at all times, but he has the skills to resort to it. I guess technically, that does make him more murderous, but it's also, like... any normal person in his situation would wind up the same way, honestly.

[annakaspring]

Officially the longest rant I've ever posted

Snater mauraders fans literally being the most shallow people on earth.

I will see them saying Snape deserved to be targeted and bullied. And the reason is always the same.

"he was creepy" how was he creepy? "He was obsessed with Lily and possessive of her."

oh, you mean like how James threatened to physically assault Lily if she didn't go on a date with him while simultaneously bullying her friend? While Severus did as Lily asked and left her alone when she said their friendship was over.

"He was racist." No, comparing the word mudblood a fictional slur to a real life racial slur is so ignorant, problematic and also completely disregards that there could be actual racism in the Harry Potter universe. And Snape is not a pureblood in fact he is way more muggle born than half blood as he grew up in a muggle neighborhood, wearing muggle clothes. Is what Snape called Lily right? No. could she have still been hurt? Yes. But I see the same people who bash Snape, Stan Malfoy who is canonically a pureblood who hates muggle-borns. Like be so for fucking for real rn.

"He was a nazi" Again, comparing a fictional "cult" to real life devastating history is ignorant and frankly ridiculous. But let's just humor that idea for a moment. Then why do I see maurader fans idolizing characters like Barry Crouch Jr? Or Regulus Black? Who not only joined the death eaters just like Severus did but were privileged purebloods who unlike Severus had money, a proper home, family. And in Barty Jr's case he is literally canonically evil.

"He was a bully." So was James, so was Sirius.And both James and Sirius are canonically described as being obviously well loved and privileged while Snape "so obviously lacked" that. Severus had reasons to be cold, stand offish and rude. had a terrible home life, neglectful if not straight up abusive parents, a single friend, depressed and was poor. What was James's excuse?

And I will see ppl who loooove Draco Malfoy yet despise Snape. Draco Malfoy, who is repeatedly voiced his pureblood prejudice so much as saying he wished death upon Hermione Granger simply for her blood status, was a HUGE bully, surely bigger than Snape ever was if he did ever bully (he didn't). Severus Snape used a slur once, once when he was a child while he was being SA'd and regretted it so much he never used the word again. While Draco literally never even apologized for his fanatical white supremacist behavior. "Well he didn't want to kill Dumbledore" I'm sorry but being too cowardly to kill someone does not equal being a good person.

"Oh well they changed, they grew up and became better." Did they? Where's the proof? Where's the evidence? I never saw Sirius own up to his actions. Remus still excused his friends bullying. "Well actually Draco actually liked Hermione the whole time. And that's why he was so mean to her" So? If anything that makes even worse. If a guy wished me dead, was openly vile to I wouldn’t suddenly be okay with it because he was actually attracted to me the whole time.

So what arguments do the Snaters have left?

Nothing, absolutely zero justification other than shallow, half baked reasons.

Severus Snape commits the most unforgivable sin. Being poor, morally grey AND ugly.

Because being poor can be forgiven as long as you're hot i.e Remus Lupin. But forbid they actually show signs of their class. Being malnourished, having hand me clothes, not being able to have proper hygiene. These are all things that actually happen to severely lower class individuals. Being a pureblood snob can be forgiven as long as you're hot. Being actually evil with zero justification is forgiven as long as you're hot.

People will twist and headcanon characters we get two pages of information on into fully fleshed out people with intricate backstories and believable justification for all their evil behavior.

Meanwhile bashing Snape who is one the most complex, dark, interesting character in the series. All because Snape is "ugly".

Because god forbid a character does not fit their rigid beauty standards and is actually complex and human.

And we're not gonna get into how literally not once was Snape ever explicitly described as ugly or how Draco Malfoy in the books described as having a pointed, rat like face.

And just to clarity I'm not trying yuck anybody's yum. Love the characters you love, stan evil ones, ship all the characters you want. I do! I ship character who make absolutely no sense in canon. create intricate stories for background characters all you want That's what fandom is all about. But don't act you have an actual reason for hating Snape while simultaneously stanning Voldemort and Barty Crouch Jr.

Be straightforward and say you don't like him because he does not fit your rigid cookie cutter beauty standards and you have no compassion.

Cheers,

[scremogirl]

★♑︎☆彡𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎✪𝐍!☆♏︎★

How the Captains and Lieutenants (+) would react to PDA

I’m obsessed with this anime you don’t even understand. Imma do a spin off of this but with the arrancar and sterneitter and Yhwach… yes I like Yhwach. Suck my dick. All the captains are the ones in the picture aka pre attack TYBW captains. Ikkaku and Kaien are the only changed lieutenants. This took to long to write so I barley proof read it, it just gets a little reparative at times. Read the note at the end plz. Enjoy my loves.

Chōjirō Sasakibe

W/ others: Young Chojiro would find it sweet. He has a very strong heart and will acknowledge the love of the couple but do nothing more. Older Chojiro would probably scoff and tell them to be a little more prideful about when and where they show their affection.

W S/O: I think no matter what age he’s pretty much the same. Wouldn’t do too much or too little. Younger him wouldn’t be as affectionate because he might have other priorities. Older him though, even tho he has more responsibilities, he’s laid back and will rest with you on a bench as you talk about your day. Would probably like feeding the ducks at a local park with you.

Suì-Fēng

W/ other people: *Side eye*. She ignores it for the most part but wishes they would do it in private. As long as it’s not anything tooo intimate then she doesn’t mind really.

W/ S/O: She doesn’t like it. Again, she doesn’t mind anything very subtle. Intentional but discreet brushing of the hands, holding eachother pinkies under the table, or sitting close together, is all alright. Hugging and Kissing on the other hand? No. Maybe if she’s feeling a little soft or has a good day, a kiss on the cheek would be exceptional, maybe a pet name. Other than that, absolutely not. She does have a reputation to uphold after all. (*cough* and she doesn’t want Yoruichi to see *cough*)

Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi

W/ others: He finds it endearing that people can express their love for eachother so openly. He won’t comment on it and keep going on with his day. If it gets a little to handsy between the two he’ll probably strum his guitar a little harder to block it out or just get up and walk away.

W/ S/O: He enjoys it. He likes the feeling of his hands in yours and arms wrapped around each other. He’s a little more open about it in private but that doesn’t mean he’ll completely stop in public. He’s more of a words or affrimation kinda guy, I mean he puts so much emotion into his lyrics, how could he not be? He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and if he’s in the mood, a couple filthy promises.

Izuru Kira

W/ others: Izuru is a naturally introverted and quiet person. Seeing people so open and confident in their love for eachother makes him a little jealous. He wishes that sometimes he could put himself out there just a little more, but he’s comfortable in his little bubble so the thought alone kinda scares him.

W/ S/O: As I said before, he’s a shy lil boy. Not to much in public or you’ll kill him. In private tho, 🤭. He’s literally all over you, begging and whimpering for just a little bit of attention (he’s def a sub imo). He likes having someone to hold every night he goes to bed and every morning he wakes up. Tbh, I think he goes for the extroverts; he’d appreciate it if you make the moves most of the time. But when he’s in a mood, best believe he’s not letting you go anywhere, for someone so slim he can be exceptionally strong; aka his status as a lieutenant. He loves words of affirmation, giving or receiving.

Retsu Unohana

W/ others: She thinks it’s sweet, at least Retsu does. As long as they aren’t doing too much she just goes on about her day. Yachiru on the other hand would have scoffed a little, shaming them for their openness, thinking that those moments between two lovers should be saved for the more private and intimate moments. (*She a reformed crip*)

W/ S/O: Im a little indifferent on this one. I don’t really have an opinion on her when it comes to this. I think before the main story and tybw she wouldn’t even be interested in anything but battle. Main story Unohana (+) pre-attack tybw, wouldn’t mind hand holding. She’ll call you cute/endearing names like “dear or hun” but other than that, I don’t think she’ll be that mindful or care about it.

Isanae Kotetsu

W/ others/: She’s shy and reserved just like izuru. More prone to blushing at seeing other people cuddle up to each other . If she makes contact with either of the two she’ll put her head down and scurry away. She’s so cuteeeee☺️.

W/ S/O: FLUSTERED AF. Will blush, stutter, and whimper at any sign of affection; especially in public. Y’know when in anime the two love interests are walking home together and one grabs the other's hand and turns away blushing? That’s her. She rarely makes the first move but will silently ask you too.

Shinji Hirako

W/ others: Fuckin Hypocrite. He'll scoff and get in his “I wish that was me so imma be a hater,” moods. Seeing people canoodling with each other in public kinda makes his dick hard ngl. He imagines it’s him with his s/o. niggas a pervert on bro.

W S/O: Touchy grabby touchy grabby. Won’t keep his hands to himself. Loves the fact others can see how shy he makes you. Will whisper the filthiest, diabolical things in your ear. Scratch that, if he feels like it he’ll say it out loud. Depending on who you are though, he won't actually say anything, he’s truly a respectful person; just likes to tease. Besides anything sexual, he loves holding your hands and looking deep into your eyes. It’s not hard to make him blush either but he’ll do so with a big smile and soft gaze. He just wants everyone to know how in love he is.

Byakuya Kuchini

W/ others: He doesn’t really care. Little displays of affection are okay in front of him but for the most part, because of who he is, people tend to not take it too far when he’s around.

W S/O: Like Soi Fong, he has a reputation to maintain. He’s a very private and uptight person. Most would say he has a stick up his ass (*kenny*). Another person who prefers to show affection in private. He’ll let you lay your head on his shoulder or vice versa; hands intertwined while you observe the koi fish in his private pond. In meetings with the other nobles, he’ll grab and squeeze your hand from under the table to reassure you. Who knew he could be a lil softie.

Renji Abarai

W/ others: Doesn’t matter to him. Don’t try and bang in front of him and you're cool. Renjis a very laid back guy even if he can be a hot head. He prefers if people would do it in private but if it starts to get to much for him he’ll just get up and walk away.

W/ S/O: I can only imagine him w/ Rukia I’m so sorry. Butttt, if I had to give a take on it I’d say he can get really flustered.

Sajin Komomaru

W/ others: Slightest bit jealous. Because of what he looks like, afraid that nobody would wanna do those things with him. He doesn’t have an opinion on PDA, as long as they’re respectful of the others around.

W S/O: It’s a pretty known fact that Sajin is insecure about himself. However, after he takes his face covering off he does become a little more confident. He’s another private one. Loves cuddling next to the fireplace. In his human form tho, he feels like he has an opportunity to finally show how much he loves you in public without fear of getting judged. He’ll hold you hand and call you a little pet name but for the most part he’s “meh” about it. Afraid to get fur in your mouth.

Shunsui Kyōraku

W/ others: Also another pervert. Have you read his books? Is the cheesy romantic type who says shit like “they just love eachother so much”. That one guy in meet cute romance novels who sits in the back of the cafe or park benches and writes a story based on couples he sees walking by. On some “her big blue eyes started into his narrow darker ones 🥺,” type shit.

Would probably write smut about it ng hold you. Lisa peer edits 4sure.

W/ S/O: Shameless bastard. Like shinji, he does not care who he’s around. Gets a pass because the head captian thinks of him as a son. Will do it infront it him even, making you give him a slap to the head. He’ll just wink at you and give you the biggest, wettest kiss on your cheek ever (*que Yamamoto leaving the room mumbling about how the younger generation has no shame*). Physical touch and words of affirmation are his strong suit. Will tell you your beautiful no matter when or where. Loves taking naps with you under the many beautiful trees located in *byakuyas’ home* the seireitei.

Nanao Ise

W/ others: Unprofessional. She thinks things like that should be indoor activities in their own space. Would probably speak up about it if it was getting too much. Wouldn’t be bitchy about it but would definitely have a very stern tone.

W/ S/O: Again, save it for inside. Would be flustered at any type of affection but more so in public. Would have the brightest cheeks and tell you off for doing things like that in public. She kinda gives me veryyy subtle tsundere vibes, like you gotta squint to see it. In private however, she’ll come up to you with redden cheeks and an embarrassed/ little irritated expression and hold her arms out for a hug.

Kensei Mugurama

W/ others: Get it outta his face. Doesn’t like it with other people, but he won’t have any strong reaction to it. Probably just gives a roll of his eyes and a head shake. Just seeing other people be lovey dovey makes him cringe.

W S/O: Just like his flat skulled friend, very much a hypocrite. Will have a firm grip on your hand every time you two go out, arm around your waist, hand on your lower back. Even though he has this tough persona attached to him, he doesn’t mind showing just how much he cares about you. Will let you sit in his lap with his arms around you or hands on your hips with his face buried in your neck. He does this the most in public, especially if he doesn’t feel like socializing. Would be a little cheeky and start peppering kisses along your neck.

Shūhei Hisagi

W others: Tbh I’m a bit indifferent to him too. He’ll either glance at them and walk the other way. Or, B, become flustered and dip. He just doesn’t know how to react. Kinda just stares for a couple seconds, blushes, huffs, and walks away.

W S/O: Just like his best friend (insert Izuru), he’s a bit bashful about it, but just like his captain he can be a little slick. After a couple of drinks the boldness comes out. He loves wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you towards him with a kiss on your cheek. Will also pull you into his lap and would most likely fall asleep. When he’s a bit more in control of his actions, he’ll grab your hand as you stroll through the town. Still a fan of kissing you on the cheek and will throw in a babe here or there, the works.

Tōshirō Hitsugaya

W/ others: Another one who finds it inappropriate in public. He’s but a child, spare him please,

W S/O: Lil boy.

Rangiku Matsumoto

W/ others- Yet another one who finds it cute. Would comment on how adorable the couple is, will even say it to their face. She can tune it out if she wants too but finds it funny to tease them. Especially if it’s one of her friends (Izuru abuse).

W S/O- Loves, loves, LOVES PDA. Cute nicknames, hugs and kisses, holding hands, going on dates. Loves to feel wanted and appreciated. Probably loves PDA the most out of everyone on this list.*Gin can’t do anything about it cause he dead*

Kenpachi Zaraki

W others: Finds it disgusting but doesn’t care. Slighttttttttly a perverted about it. As long as you're not jumping each other's bones, you’re safe.

W/ S/O: Kinda like Kensei. Very protective of you and a little saucy. Does not care who's watching because he knows they won’t do anything about it. Won’t say it but he loves when you’re perched on his shoulders (your weight/height does not matter this niggas almost seven feet and beefy). Loves for you to sit in his lap too, another one who likes napping with you outside. Lowkey likes it when you, yachiru, and himself go out and do whatever, kinda like his own little family. (has a breeding kink btw)

Ikkaku Madarame

W/ others: Would straight up tell them to knock it off if it’s getting too much. He finds all that cheesy, coupley, romance stuff disgusting. (Would headbutt someone).

W/ S/O: Doesn’t give a damn just like his captain. Very brash and straight forward. Will come up and kiss you in the middle of training if he thinks he did something particularly good in which he deserves a reward. Would sling an arm around your shoulder and kiss the top of your head while sitting in a bar drinking and laughing. Plot twist! If YOU were the one showing PDA he’ll become bashful and scold you about doing things like that in public. Calls you babe 24/7 and does not care who's around when he makes naughty jokes.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi

W/ others: Will stare at them until they stop or throw up in each other's mouths. Finds it absolutely repulsive. Why are you doing that in public, let alone in front of him? Will comment on it, telling them that wherever they are is no place for such nonsense. Will walk away and mutter how nasty it is under his breath.

W/ S/O: No.

Nemu

W/ others: Does not care.

W/ others: Wouldn’t initiate it but would reciprocate if you did. She basically a robot ion know what you want from me.

(+ Akon)

W/ others: Why though? Might get flustered if they start making out but for the most part he gets second hand embarrassment.

W/ other: Again would get flustered by kissing, but wouldn’t necessarily push you away or tell you to stop.

Jūshirō Ukitake

W/ others- Thinks it’s so cute. Would smile and wave at the couple. If they started to get a bit more handsy with eachother his pale face would turn the brightest of pink as he excuses himself.

W S/O- In terms of the top three PDA lovers I’d say Rangiku, Shunsui/Rose tied for 2nd, then him. He’s literally the sweetest person in all the seireitei. Loves sitting out in the open with you, on a cute little picnic date. Pet names thrown around the room, hugges and kisses are open anytime. Would blush and rub the back of his head with a soft laugh and even softer smile if you ever catch him off guard in public. Would say he loves you no matter who’s around.

Kaien Shiba

W/ others: Won’t pay attention to it. They love each other, so what?

W S/O: Woule give you big bears hugs whenever he sees you. Timid smiles with a heart of gold. Around you 24/7 so everyone has gotten used to it. Your own personal shadow.

꧁༺!𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒!༺꧂

Sōsuke Aizen

W/ others. Pre betrayal Aizen would say he finds it charming in a way. Would softly smile at the two and keep going on about his day. Post betrayal Aizen would give them the side eye. Thinks it’s disrespectful to do things like that in his presence. Might rock your shit tbh.

W/ S/O- Pre betrayal Aizen would encourage it. He wants to show everyone how sweet and gentle of a boyfriend he can be. Will grab your hands, waist, hips, or arms at random times to catch you off guard. Post betrayal Aizen could not give 2 fucks.. Would come up behind you snaking his hand around your neck and kiss behind your ear, while you’re mid convo with someone might I add. Will have you sit on his throne with him, might force you too if you’ve been acting up, especially if he knows you hate attention (sinister af).

Gin Ichimaru

W/ others: Would observe them from afar. If they're getting annoying with it he’ll come up to them and purposely make them uncomfortable. Deep down though, he’ll find it cute and long for someone to connect to like that

W/ S/O: Similar to Aizen in the way he just does not care. Even after the betrayal of the Gotei 13, he stays the same. Would grab your hips and kiss along the column of your neck staring straight into the eyes of the person you're talking to. Would whisper teasing words to you no matter where you are. But as I said earlier, the real Gin would just want you to feel like you are always an attachment of him. He really does love you

Kaname Tōsen

W others: Can’t see them.

NAH IM JUST PLAYIN 😭. He thinks it’s a bit unsavory to be doin things in public. He does think, however, that if they’re that secure in the relationship and in their love they have the right to express it.

W/ S/O: Pre betrayal Kaname would hold your hands most of the time. Would possibly give you a quick peck on the cheek or forehead when he knows nobody is paying attention. Most of that stuff is in the privacy of your home. Defo gets more confident and will subtly grope you while whispering sweet nothings. Post betrayal Kaname may or may not be as strict about it. It’s 50/50 he wants you to know he loves you but he also wants to be professional. Maybe if you catch him in a less populated area. Who knows 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Kisuke Urahara

W/ others: Would watch them from behind his fan and bucket hat. Doesn’t mind it at all, he’ll just laugh about it and say that they’re just doing what most couples do.

W/ S/O: Run. Will not leave you aloneeeeeee. Will grab at any part of you. Will grab or slap your ass in public too he dgaf: But when you whip around he’s already out of sight. Now you and the other people around you are left speechless as you stomp around to find him. He loves pet names and will let them spew out whenever. Likes to tease you a lot and does it even more in public. He just like seeing you so shy (* was gonna say blush but uh…👋🏾*). He’s way more on you in private though. Laying in bed cuddled up with you is his favorite. Likes having his face smushed in your chest no matter the size. Arms around your waist and breathing softly as you play with his hair. That won’t last long though, Defo sleeps in the starfish position and will slap or kick you in the face. Good luck tho cause he sleeps like he’s dead. You’ll either push him on the floor or sleep on the couch.

Yoruichi Shihōin

W/ others: She’ll just tune it out. If it’s getting too much she’ll ask them to stop. Just don’t do it when she’s around.

W S/O: Does what she wants. Totally think she’ll love to cuddle up to you in her cat form. Lives for head and belly rubs as well as scratches to her ears. Human form Yoruichi is way more devious. Would lay her head in your lap, arms crossed as she sleeps. Would kiss your cheek, say her 2 cents and walk away. She doesn't care who's around or what you're doing. If she wants to love on you she will.

Just as another psa I don’t write for Toshiro romantically or the lieutenants from squad 2, 5, or 7.

[queenjunothegreat]

Go For It, Jason!!

Excerpt from an abandoned HS AU

“Percy,” Jason hissed, clutching Percy’s hand tight in his own. “I do not got this!”

“Yes, you do!” Percy hissed back. “All you have to do is tell Piper and Leo that we’re having a little party at our place this weekend, and Annabeth suggested inviting them. It’s super easy, you just have to be normal.”

“‘Be normal!’ What kind of advice is that!?”

“It’s advice you obviously need on a daily basis!”

Jason groaned and slid down one of the sets of lockers. “This was such a bad idea,” he whined. “I can just go back to being obsessed with him from afar, right? I don’t actually have to talk to him.”

“So you admit it? You’re obsessed with him?”

“Obviously I’m obsessed with him, Percy! I drew our joint tombstone!”

Percy heaved a deep sigh and slid down the lockers to sit while Jason pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his face in them. He was suddenly reminded of when he and Percy were in elementary school and Percy had gotten in trouble for punching another kid who wouldn’t leave Jason alone during “egg time.” He pressed his face harder into his knees and tried to ignore the way he wanted to cry a little bit. He wasn’t a baby.

“Look, man,” Percy said gently after a few moments of silence, “I’m not going to sit here and tell you you’ve got to talk to him. Because you don’t. If you wanna just have a crush on this guy for the rest of the year without telling him then move on to college and find someone else to dump all your weird obsessive tendencies on, you totally can. People ignore high school crushes literally every day. It’s probably the most normal thing about you.” Jason snorted and he could hear the smirk Percy gave in reply. “If you really don’t wanna do this, I’m not gonna make you. It’s your call, Jace.”

“Thanks,” Jason mumbled into his knees.

“Buuuuuuut…” Jason groaned loudly, and Percy snickered. “I do think it’s a good idea. I mean, what have you got to lose? Either they say yes, you convince Leo to fall in love with you and you live happily ever after; they say yes, it turns out Leo isn’t your type at all once you get to know him, and you just move on; or they say no and you have a perfectly valid excuse to go back to your stalker status.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s more than just three outcomes,” Jason pointed out. “What if they just laugh at me?”

“Then I’ll kick their asses,” Percy scowled. “They can fuck right off if they’re going to act like that.”

“Thanks, man,” Jason smiled softly, leaning forward to headbutt Percy on the shoulder.

“So, what’s the plan?” Percy asked casually. “You want me to stick around here while you talk to them, or you wanna head to the cafeteria? I think I overheard one of the Stolls say that they had churros today.”

Jason considered that. He did really like churros. He shook his head. “Let’s get this done and we’ll get churros after.”

“You got it, bro.”

Jason stood, and led the way into the library over to where Piper and Leo had commandeered a pair of bean bag chairs and were building a very impressive house of cards out of an Uno deck. Apparently, Jason’s arrival shifted the airflow just slightly, and the house came tumbling down while Piper and Leo both swore at it in a fun mix of English, Spanish, and French. Jason winced. “Uh, sorry. My bad. I think.” Piper and Leo both looked up at him, wide-eyed and blinked. Obviously, they hadn’t noticed Jason’s approach. He smiled awkwardly and lifted a hand to wave. “Uh, hi.”

Leo scoffed and rolled his eyes and exchanged a look with Piper. “I got this, Beauty Queen.”

“Of course you do,” she hummed, rolling her eyes.

Before Jason could ask what they meant, Leo was on his feet, arms folded across his chest and giving Jason a very unimpressed once-over. “Look. Blondie. No, not Blondie. Superman? Yeah, I like Superman.”

“My name’s Jason.”

“Uh, sure. Okay. Anyway. Superman. She’s not interested.”

Jason felt his eyebrows knit together. “She’s not interested in what?”

“In you. Duh,” Leo scoffed. “I know someone who looks like you probably doesn’t hear that often.”

“I’m… confused.”

“Of course you are.” For some reason, Leo looked incredibly irritated, but Jason still wasn’t sure what he did wrong. “Look, I don’t know how much more plainly I can put it. She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Date. You.”

“Oh.” Jason blinked and cocked his head to the side. “That’s fine.”

At once, all the wind fell out of Leo’s sails, and now he was the one who looked confused. “That’s… fine?”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna date her either.” His eyes widened and he looked at Piper apologetically. “No offense. You seem nice, and you’re very pretty. Whoever you do want to date is probably very lucky.”

Piper snorted, but she was smiling, so it didn’t seem mean. “Thanks, Jason.”

Jason smiled widely at her, but Leo just looked even more baffled. “Then… what are you doing over here?”

“I did actually come to invite her to a party,” he admitted. “Both of you, actually.”

“A… party?”

“Well, kind of,” Jason said hesitantly. “The apartment complex Percy and I live in opened up the pool for summer last weekend, so we were inviting our friends over. Annabeth suggested that the two of you might want to come.”

Leo’s eyes widened, and he turned furiously on Piper. “You know Annabeth?” he hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s none of your business,” Piper told him, sticking out her tongue. 

“If I had known he had a mutual friend with you, maybe I wouldn’t have been a dick to him.” As if his own words just registered, Leo winced and ducked his head, looking up at Jason through his lashes. “Uh, sorry about that. By the way.”

Jason took a moment to reset his brain after it got fried, then smiled at Leo. “It’s cool, man. You were just looking out for your friend. I get that. I think it’s sweet.”

“You think it’s sweet. Cool. Coolcoolcool. I’m gonna go play in traffic now.”

Jason tipped his head back and laughed, probably louder than he should, but he couldn’t help it. He grinned so wide his eyes were squinting up, which made looking at Leo harder than it needed to be, which wasn’t ideal, but, once again, he couldn’t help it. “Please don’t. You’re probably going to traumatize the poor cars.”

“Nah, don’t worry, I’m too small to get hit by cars. I just lay down, and they pass right over me.”

Jason folded his hand over his mouth to at least somewhat muffle his giggles. “A very impressive skill.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a special boy and all that.”

“I can imagine.”

Leo immediately turned bright red, and Piper tagged in, letting him hide his entire torso under a bean bag chair instead of talking more. She grinned at Jason. “So. You said there was a party? Where at?”

“Mine and Percy’s place,” Jason said distractedly, still observing Leo’s attempts to become one with the rug. “We’re over at Sunset on the Waves. There’s a subway station right across the street from us.”

“I think I know it. It’s over kinda close to Central Park, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” Jason said. “We’re all getting together Saturday around two, if you think you can make it.”

“We’ll definitely be there,” Piper agreed. “Do we need to bring anything?”

Jason shook his head. “Nah, we’ve got it. Just show up whenever.”

“Cool.” Piper turned and kicked Leo in the ankle. “Tell Jason thanks for inviting us out. Now we have an excuse to not watch those dumb soap operas with my mom.”

“Thanks, Superman,” Leo said, though his voice was muffled, almost indistinguishable, by the bean bag chair.

“Thanks for agreeing,” Jason replied earnestly. “Uh, I’ve got to go, though. The librarian kind of hates me.”

“You are a lot louder than you probably realize,” Piper agreed, then winced. “Sorry, that came out way meaner than I meant it to. You’re just a loud guy. It’s cool. I like it. Leo’s also super loud. You match.”

“Cool,” Jason agreed, consciously trying to lower his volume, which made Piper snicker at him. He grinned at them and waved. “See you this weekend.”

“See you!” Piper and Leo chimed in perfect unison at his retreating  back.

When he finally made it back to Percy’s side, he groaned and yanked his shirt up over his head. “Okay, I did it.”

“How did it go? They don’t look like they’re laughing. Well, actually, I think Piper is laughing, maybe.”

“Pretty sure she’s laughing at Leo,” Jason told him. “And it could have definitely gone… worse? They agreed to come.”

“Nice! That’s great, dude!”

“Leo did try to intimidate me out of asking Piper on a date, though.”

Percy snorted so hard it sounded like it hurt. “Well, he definitely doesn’t have to worry about that.”

Jason finally decided to emerge from his shirt so that he could grin at Percy. “Yeah. Tell me about it.”

Percy clapped a hand down on his shoulder. “I’m really proud of you, dude.”

“Thanks.” Jason took a moment to just bask in the praise before he frowned and tilted his head to the side. “Percy, am I loud?” Percy barked out a bright, friendly laugh. “Dude, you are so loud. Come on. Let’s go get some churros.”

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Why do you think they don't show Marinette comforting other characters? It's always been a weird writing decision to me, and I sometimes wondered if I was legit just erasing all the times it happened out of my memory or smth. Like the first character trait established for her is she struggles to say no to people, she is a people-pleaser. And there isn't a better way to make ur mc lovable than showing how they effect the people around them. AND it would make her breakdowns genuinely heartbreaking, because she keeps giving and giving and it's a genuine flaw. Like, she rushed off to comfort Ivan in Origins, right? We should have had more of that. I'm reminded of that one Lady Wifi (i think?) scene where Ladybug is smiling at her adoring fans and the camera while Chat Noir is in the background actually comforting a child lmao. It just feels so weird, because I think Marinette IS actually supposed to be someone who does that, who provides that comfort to her loved ones all the time (even at the cost of her own mental health, boom, an actual thing she can work towards). But we just keep getting the reverse instead. She just kinda feels like a shit friend? Showing that emotional labor would also make her exhaustion work because like, what does the guardian even DO? Tell not show, but they ain't telling shit.

One of the things that drew me to Miraculous is the fact that the show tends to write the characters in non-standard gender roles, so I actually like the fact that Marinette tends to be more of a fixer than a comforter. She drives people to action and wants to solve problems and is very good at taking the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she kind of sucks at emotional vulnerability and comforting people. It's genuinely a good flaw for her character and a lovely thing to see in a show aimed at girls. No, we don't all need to be stereotypically maternal figures. Women can be just as bad as men stereotypically are when it comes to emotions!

The problem is that the show is obsessed with Marinette holding every important role in the story, meaning that we don't get a more emotionally aware character or characters to balance her out. Nor do we get to see her learn that this is a flaw of hers and either improve or just own that she's bad at this and learn to trust someone else with these types of issues. (This is one of the many things I think Adrien should have been allowed to do, btw. Ladybug is the brains, Chat Noir should be the heart.) We also don't get a true sense of Marinette's struggles because the show's formulaic nature rarely allows for those types of problems.

The Lila thing is a good example. Lila says that she's going to destroy Marinette's friendships, but she literally can't do that because that would mean changing the way the characters relate on a massive scale and formula shows can't do that. So instead of seeing Marinette struggle as Lila lies and manipulates everyone into hating Marinette, we get extremely annoying episodes where Lila lies and everyone believes her, but no one gets all that upset at Marinette's constant accusations. They just treat it as a minor quibble which is actually more aggravating than Lila changing the status quo in my opinion.

There's also the issue that you brought up: we don't see Marinette truly struggling to be the guardian, so her new role doesn't feel like a big deal. Not much changes for her save for the kwamis being around now. We don't even know what her relationship with Master Fu was really like because he was barely ever on screen so we really don't feel her loss.

All of this is just another problem to lay at the feat of our ever-present issue: Miraculous does not have the right conflicts and characters for a formula show. Formula shows thrive off of things being lighthearted and the heroes lacking major flaws. Miraculous chose to make things somewhat serious and give everyone flaws that are just begging to be address, but that can't be because this is the wrong format for that type of thing.

In a team show where character arcs were a thing or even just one where character dynamics were a thing and Marinette was allowed to share the screen in a more balanced manner, then everything about her would work fine. She's set up perfectly for that kind of show. She is not set up for a formula show where she's basically the only character that matters outside of the villains. If that's what they wanted to write, then Marinette needed to be limited to minor flaws that never last more than an episode or at least limited to flaws that are purely situational such as being stubborn or the classic sudo-flaw of being clumsy that the show already embraces.

[morinuu]

☢｜tamaki x reader. 2,4k words. sorry this is so late i literally forgot to post it last week anw the next n final part is coming in 2 weeks while i work n post some other stuff hehehe

“mum?”

“yes, love?”

“how did you not lose it when you realised dad was going away for good?”

that was the first thing you’d asked your mum on a saturday morning after waving her good morning. needless to say, the woman was taken aback to hear this question from you. she knew her daughter never asked about her parents’ divorce, not wanting to dissect those wounds.

it took her some time to come up with a response.

“i had you to look after.” she lied, not looking at you and instead focusing on her cake. “you kept me going.”

“but how was i helping in that situation? wouldn’t i make it worse?” you pressed on. if there was one thing your mum knew about you, it was that you were weirdly emotionally intelligent for a teenage girl.

she frowned, putting down the fruit she was decorating her cake with, and sighed deeply. she didn’t like lying to you.

“well.” she inhaled, “your question is phrased wrong.” she finally looked you in the eye. “because i did lose it. but before i was too far gone, i got back up. i couldn’t have you suffer like i did.”

the conversation replayed over and over in your head for the following week back to school. you wondered if heartbreak ran in the family. while not knowing much about your parents’ separation, you knew your grandparents also had a bad history. maybe love was just something the gods didn’t want to bestow upon your bloodline.

tamaki’s visit had, surprisingly, not been very pleasant. partly because your sickness made you… well, sick, and partly because tamaki was distracted the whole time. he’d brought you commoners’ food (haruhi’s recommendation), along with some more commoner candy ‘to sweeten your mood’ (what haruhi’s dad would take to work, according to haruhi). oh, and of course, you can’t forget how he would glance at his phone every so often. you ignored it at first, figuring out it’s the host club group chat, but your patience had its limits.

he’d come to your house, to check up on your health - his friend. supposedly. had you already been demoted to client status? well, you had the entire week to think about it as you rested.

during that time, tamaki seemed to reach out a bit more than usual, and once more, you believed he cared. you believed he realised you were important to him, even if your feelings weren’t exactly reciprocated.

and once again you’d been wrong.

because as time passed and you started making weekly appointments again, you began to feel that something was off. what exactly it was you couldn’t tell, but your gut was telling you to be suspicious. ‘suspicious of what, or who? tamaki?’ you didn’t like that feeling one bit.

no matter how many times he screwed up and misunderstood or failed to satisfy you in a host-client setting, you couldn’t give up on him. your mum’s words echoed in your ears, reminding you that men are a waste of time, that they just suck the soul out of you, that they’re not worth the heartbreak — but you were weak. and especially weaker than your mother. she disagreed, of course, but what did she know?

time seemed to start flowing normally again, tamaki wasn’t distant, haruhi and you never spoke to exchange more than greeting words, and your obsession was flourishing once more. you’d shower the halfer with gifts, spending a stupid amount of money — which the host club’s “mum” greatly appreciated — and you didn’t regret it one bit. everything was going smoothly, except for that tiny voice in your head.

it wasn’t until one of the host club’s organised excursions at the beach when your gut proved to be right. you wore your favourite swimwear for tamaki, and his compliments became straight up electricity up your spine. and just as you went to flirt with him like always,

“yo milord don’t forget about y/n’s gift today!” a familiar voice echoed by the palm trees. you could immediately tell it was hikaru, but you didn’t really understand what he meant. ah! perhaps they were expecting you to bring tamaki a gift again? well, you did, but this one felt a bit more personal so maybe you should tell him not to talk about it with the hosts— “even if it’s something stupid again, you ought to thank her for—”

the twins emerged from the bushes only to see you standing by the corner, hidden by the wall from their previous view. tamaki stood there, next to you, frozen. his facial expression almost screaming at the ginger to shut up but he’d been too late.

you furrowed your eyebrows at the two boys before turning your head to that stupid boy you were head over heels for.

“what?” you asked, obviously confused. but it didn’t take long to understand the situation.

tamaki thought your gifts were stupid, and he discussed it with his friends. and none of them thought to tell you. at least that's what the situation told you.

for what reason? well it could be a) manners or b) they didn’t care enough to.

but jokes on you because it wasn’t any of the above, it was c) they had to keep you happy because your mother asked for a favour. the favour being to make sure tamaki didn’t abandon you.

well, that’s not exactly what tamaki said when he pulled you to the side to explain, but it’s what the twins confessed to when you started poking for the truth.

you were more than disappointed with the news, your gut feeling now transferring to your throat and making it so tight you couldn’t get any words out, so you returned to your beach bed, dragging it away from tamaki’s. but the universe seemed to really hate you that day.

“miss l/n, is everything okay?” haruhi’s ever-annoying voice reached your ears and all you wanted to do was turn around and strangle her small little neck until it snapped. it was her fault. it was because of her that the boy you swore would become your boyfriend before graduation would no longer be apart of that plan. her. her, that stupid bi—

“i’m fine haruhi.” you smiled at her and continued dragging your bed across the sand to get away from this madness. you didn’t bother with any formalities.

“do you need help? i could bring your things so you don’t—”

“for fuck’s sake will you shut up?!” you snapped, raising your voice at the host. she didn’t say anything, just nodding and bowing before leaving. thankfully nobody else had been around to witness the scene, or you would’ve been involved in ouran gossip. only gods know how tiresome that is.

tamaki didn’t come to talk to you after that, you wanted to believe he wanted to and the hosts told him to give you space, but at this point you gave up all hope. he wanted haruhi, some cross-dressing nobody, a commoner, and you could do nothing about it.

the bracelet you had in your bag stayed there, and there it would remain for the rest of your trip. you’re kind of glad you never got to give it to him, at least it saved you the embarrassment of possibly being ridiculed by a bunch of boys calling themselves “hosts” with no shame.

but you guessed you were the one who should be ashamed; for wanting a host — a man notorious for seeing women as bank accounts.

when you went back home, you didn’t talk to your mum about the twins’ confession. sure, you were angry, but you knew she just wanted you happy. as for tamaki, he’d texted you a couple times but you knew if you called him you’d just burst into tears, so you went straight to bed, not bothering to wash the sand and sea salt off your body.

—

the following month had been… weird. you didn’t bother dropping by the host club anymore. kyouya, expecting this, just sighed and deleted you from the list of clients. he didn’t think you’d come back again after the fiasco at the beach.

haruhi, however, felt bad for some reason. like, okay, yeah, you were a bit more than mean sometimes and yeah, you barely looked at her if not to glare at her to get lost, but you didn’t seem like a bad person. your affection toward tamaki seemed genuine, and your last interaction didn’t sit well with her. it wasn’t the usual glare, eye roll, scoff, avoidant gesture or whatever else you “greeted” her with. this time it seemed more hurt, more… defeated. and she was right. because you’d been defeated.

haruhi had won.

she didn’t know, but she didn’t have to. because at the end of the day, it was all one-sided. one-sided affection, and one-sided dispute.

the twins both had different reactions to this revelation. kaoru (being the emotionally intelligent one) felt guilty for not handling the situation better but hikaru (the… other one) told him not to bother, and that they did what they could. he’d miss having you around, but you were never super close to begin with.

as for tamaki, he didn’t really register what had happened at first. when his hosting routine started again but without you in it, his clients had some questions.

“is it true that you kicked l/n out of the host club?”

“i mean what did you expect, she had it coming after harassing haruhi like that.”

“yeah, i agree. i mean, i understand some jealousy, but wasn’t that a bit too much? it’s not like tamaki’s her boyfriend.”

“i don’t think she was too harsh, but i guess the hosts know better…”

tamaki didn’t know what to make of this. he’d never kicked you out of the club, he thought you’d come back. you always did. if you were jealous, all you had to do was say you wanted more attention and he’d give it it to you. after all, you were a client, you had every right.

wait, what was that?

“whatever do you mean, princess?” he questioned in that melodic voice of his. “haruhi and y/n are on perfectly good terms, we’re all friends here!” he smiled widely and sat his cup down, using his pinky to erase the klank! noise.

“come on tamaki, you don’t have to keep such appearances around us.” one of the clients giggled. “we could all see it. to be honest, i never really noticed her much until haruhi came around.”

another girl continued, “yeah, totally. i hope it wasn’t a repeat of anayokoji, at least.” she rolled her eyes. “she seemed nice… such a shame.”

“i… don’t understand, ladies. what are you saying?” tamaki looked puzzled. the four girls looked back at him and at each other. it was times like these that tamaki showed he was a little dumb.

“tamaki… l/n is totally into you. she’s, like, super jealous of haruhi.”

tamaki didn’t know what to do with this information. he was pretty annoyed when kaoru made fun of him for not noticing until now. and really, he didn’t notice. he was told.

“why do you think our mums got involved? this is what the female sex calls ‘girl issues’, sir.”

tamaki resisted biting their heads off; he had no time for their bullshit. he had to meet with you and apologise, right?

y/n>.< : y/n? can we talk please?

you didn’t respond. neither to that, nor to the other 10 messages he spammed you with. calling you sent him straight to voicemail, and he swore if he heard that damn automatic message voice again he would explode.

why did it happen this way? why were you even jealous of haruhi? did he look gay to you? but then you wouldn’t want him, right? his head was filled with so many questions, until haruhi answered them all with a single sentence.

“don’t sulk too much senpai, it was inevitable that she’d find out about me and get suspicious.” she patted his shoulder, “i guess that’s what happens when you’re a popular boy surrounded by women.”

tamaki’s head rose from his knees, his eyes wide staring at haruhi’s. “wait, what do you mean ‘she’d find out about you’?”

haruhi sighed and sent him a look of pity. “oh yeah, you guys don’t know. y/n’s known about my sex for a while now.” she shrugged. “she saw me changing.”

a light bulb went off in most of the hosts’ heads (wait, i’ve seen this before) before they all glanced at each other in mutual understanding.

“i wish we would’ve gotten closer since we’re both girls and you’re so obsessed with me having female friends, but i would feel horrible if i made her feel sad whenever she’s around me.” haruhi continued.

oh, so he didn’t look gay, you just knew haruhi was also a girl.

but why would you get jealous of his little girl? he was just protecting her like a father would.

“oh will you stop with that crap, milord?” hikaru whined “we all know, there’s no point in denying it anymore.” he stopped when his brother slapped him on the head and they left the room.

“well, club activity’s over. we’ll see you guys tomorrow.” they all waved goodbyes and soon enough so did haruhi, but tamaki just sat on the club couch, thinking about his (very) recent discovery.

so he came to the conclusion:

you like(d?) him → he likes (???) haruhi → you realised and grew jealous → he prioritised her over you → he ended up looking like an asshole.

because he is an asshole.

“guess that’s what happens when you’re just too pretty.” he joked to himself, but he had a feeling you wouldn’t find it funny if you were here.

“mum, why did you and dad divorce?” you finally found the courage to ask the woman when she was relaxing in her bedroom one night. she sighed and looked at you, putting her book to the side and patting the spot on the bed next to her. you got in, looking at her expectantly.

“i didn’t want to tell you this because you were so young. you looked up to him very much.” she gave you a sad smile and caressed your cheek. “your father fell in love with someone else, darling.”

you stayed quiet for a bit, and your mum grew worried. should she not have told you?

“is that why you asked tamaki not to leave me?” you asked and your voice cracked. your mother sighed and apologised, wrapping her arms around you.

“i want you to be happy, y/n. don’t be like me. please.”

maybe love really wasn’t something the gods wanted to bestow upon your bloodline.

[mysterycitrus]

Hiii can i ask ur thoughts abt damian... lately ive been a little obsessed and u have such a great grasp on dc canon... id love to hear what u think abt him !!!

for damian, a huge part of his motivation is (both real and imagined) disrespect. there’s this pervasive interpretation of him where he’s a swing the sword first, ask questions later kinda guy, but the truth is that he gets provoked, interprets this as someone being condescending, then acts.

tim is kind of an asshole when they first meet, and damian has no context for when he’s joking or not. dick is an adopted child, who threatens damian’s place in the hierarchy. tim put him on a list of people he specifically doesn’t trust, etc. he can definitely be very rude, absolutely, and a lot of that ties into how addresses people (“grayson” to “richard,” as an example, from his surname to his first name as dick earns his trust). he’s very rude to steph, and ironically damian is also very condescending depending on who he’s talking to, but again he has a high opinion of himself and how he should be treated by others. the biggest change is that he learns that others are also owed respect, regardless of their birthright or status.

a lot of this ties into bad faith interpretations of him as a literal feral baby, when that just isn’t reflected in canon at all. he’s talia’s kid, he was raised as literal royalty, and he does not need etiquette lessons from alfred pennyworth. he doesn’t bite people at galas, he doesn’t need help to do his math homework, and he respects u when u prove urself to him. he starts out with a very distinct black and white idea of the world, and slowly learns otherwise.

im a big fan of steph and damian’s friendship in particular, because like dick she exists in opposition to his worldview. she isn’t a wayne or an al ghul, she’s just a person who independently decided to do good. she was also mistrusted to the point where it led to her death, but she is still kind, still loving, and still motivated by empathy. the same as dick being batman, that’s confronting. she looks past what everyone else sees (the al ghul heir, a murderer, etc) and acknowledges that he’s a little kid who’s never learnt to play.

because he’s prickly, it’s easy to misinterpret his intentions. the same as bruce, even when he’s being respectful, people can assume the worst out of him. and that’s hard! he genuinely wants to do good. he has to unpack so much in his head about how to act, and what the idea of respect means in this new context. him being robin is a crucial part of that — it isn’t an insulting mantle as a placeholder for his eventual ascension into the bat, it’s simply something more.

[anticanonsposts]

SFW Alphabet-König

SFW Alphabet, hehe there's some nsfw so mdni

 A= Affection (How Affectionate are they? How do they show affection?

Definitely is not super into PDA because of his social anxiety, he already commands a lot of unwanted attention due to his size and he’d rather not get any more.

That being said when he is nervous, holding hands/you holding onto his arms can be very comforting and grounding. Also if he is drunk he will be a lot more into PDA but sober not really.

Other than in public he shows affection by just paying attention to a lot of the things you do/say. He is the type to remember that you like something and then buy it for you.

Also when you two are alone he really likes touching you, anyway really he just likes your touch. 

B= Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Once he realized he liked being around you, he definitely got more nervous around you because he also wanted you to like him.

It took him a bit to figure out if he liked you as just a friend or more than a friend, he knew for sure though that he wanted you to be with him to some capacity.

Otherwise as a best friend he would always be someone you could depend on, and in turn would need validation from you/your help walking him through his problems and giving him advice. 

C= Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At first he is very timid when cuddling because he doesn't wanna bother you but once he gets comfortable and finds out that one of your love languages is touch he is ALL over you.

He is fine being the big or little spoon.

He also really likes laying on your chest and just being buried in your tits.

D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Due to his hectic career he definitely wants to retire and settle down so he can just relax a little bit.

Since he was in the army he is pretty clean and organized, but lets himself be a little cluttered since he no longer has to be as rigid as he used to be.

He always asks if you need any help with anything and will clean things without being asked.

He also loves to cook you things from his culture, especially things that his mother used to cook for him. 

His heart literally melts and he can’t stop smiling when you make him something his mom said was his favorite. (You called her and talked for hours, and she is also obsessed with you).

E= Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) 

Unless it was an abusive situation I think he would be very apologetic during a break up. I think he would explain how it truly isn’t his partner, it's him.

He definitely has a few issues/insecurities and he would make it clear that it was him who needed growing.

He also gives me the vibes that he would wanna still be a support for his ex-partner if they wanted to, but he would also understand if they never wanted anything to do with him. 

F= Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I think he would wanna be in a committed relationship pretty quickly, not necessarily marriage but long term partner status.

He is also very open with communication and you two have talks about what you each want, and how quickly you would want to get married. 

If you want to wait, just not wanting to rush things, or another reason that you explain to him he would be very chill with that.

However the day you did get engaged would be one of the happiest days of his life.

He would want to do whatever you wanted for the wedding no matter how big or small. He would be fully aware that your wedding day is about you and he is just Ken, you are Barbie, ALWAYS.

Also not to be dramatic but this would quite literally be the best day of his life. Nothing can compare to the happiness that swelled his heart when you two had your first dance after the ceremony, he would defo cry into your shoulder.

That being said this man is a wreck before hand, he is for sure nervous but his groomsmen hype him up.  

And once he sees you at the end of the isle the Nile river itself could not gush as much as he did, he literally has a small thing of tissues in his pocket because he knew this would happen.

Also when you guys give your vows you give them both in English and German so that both your families can understand. You don’t tell him about this until the moment, once you finish your vows in English you start to recite them in German and he just starts crying even more. He then gives his in both languages.  

G= Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) 

Physically his default is gentle because he never wants to hurt you, he will only be more rough if you explicitly say so.

The only exception to this is if you guys are drinking he might get a bit rougher but again nothing that would hurt you.

Emotionally he really prefers to be calmer and talk through issues the two of you have, especially if you have a bad past with people yelling and throwing things so he is very conscious of that when he does get upset.

He also is just so used to hostile environments when at work that he wants his time with you to be the antithesis of that. 

H= Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Again when he first gets to know you he is not super touchy out of respect. As you get more comfortable he loves it when you hug him, because he also knows you don’t hug many people so he takes it as a compliment. 

He really prefers to hug you under your arms, so yours are over his shoulders, partly because of your size difference he sort of scoops you off your feet when you do hug. He also just loves wrapping his arms around your sides/back.

I= I love you (How fast do they say the L=word?)

Not gonna lie I feel like he catches feelings pretty quickly and really devotes himself to you.

At first you just notice that his stares linger for longer and he does that sleepy half blink at you alot. 

When he does say I love you it’s when you both wake up from a night together and the sun comes through the window and he is just overwhelmed with how loved you make him feel and he says it. 

When you say it back he is floored and over the moon happy.

J= Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I feel like he only gets jealous when he sees you with people that have skills he doesn’t.

Like if he sees you darting through a crowd with another smaller friend he gets mad that he isn’t able to do that.

Sometimes he just feels like a burden more than anything in that he needs comfort in social settings. But he brings this up and you talk about it and assure him you don’t mind at all.

Otherwise his jealousy really just comes out when he is drunk, because he gets cocky and if he sees some sleaze walk up to you and start talking or god forbid touch you he gets very territorial and pushes the guy away. 

K= Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they  like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Since he doesn’t have a lot of sexual or relationship experience he isn’t the most skilled kisser, but he learns quickly.

If anything it is just super sloppy, both because of his lack of experience and because his mouth is just bigger than yours.

However when it comes to pecks and simple kisses he loves it when you kiss his hands or arms in any way, he also goes nuts if you are on top of him tracing kisses along his neck and shoulders.

He really likes to kiss your face, neck, and head. Sometimes you’ll be home and he just plants a kiss on the back of your neck out of nowhere. 

He also really likes to trap you in his arms and hold your face with one hand while he litters kisses all over your face (Very Gomez Adams adjacent).

L= Little ones (How are they around children?)

He is for sure a bit nervous around kids at first because they are tiny and he doesn’t want to be too rough and hurt them.

But once he figures out that they just wanna use him as a jungle gym he is very good with them. 

Once at a family event you found him with about 6 kids hanging on him and it made you even more attracted to him.

He notices that after you two see a child/hang out with a child that the following night you fuck his brains out. 

M= Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He is a pretty early riser since he is used to getting up so early.

This usually works out for you, since you need to get up for work anyways.

However on the days that you can sleep in, this man will keep you in that bed until at least noon. Whining like a toddler whenever you go to get up. 

This is the only time that he uses your size difference against you without asking. 

N= Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights for you two is your time to de-stress from the day and really relax.

Whether that be having sex or just being with each other it does not matter.

One thing he always does though is make sure you eat dinner (he knows about girl dinner and does not approve) he also asks to see what you ate earlier in the day and really goes into parent mode if you say you haven’t eaten.

srs/ the most angry you ever saw him was when he asked what you had eaten by 4pm and you said coffee and a cheese stick. 

O= Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) 

He definitely doesn’t unload everything on you at first, but he opens up eventually.

The more he tells you, the more and more comfortable he is getting with you. 

One of the first things he tells you is his anxiety issues because he knows that it will have the most day to day effect on your relationship/lives. In turn you also explain to him your various mental health issues.

Later on he explains his past of being bullied and feels really safe with you because you offer nothing but support and love, and absolutely no judgment. 

P=Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He is more the type of person to get sad if you hurt him, his anger usually manifests into silence and he stews.

However, when it comes to people disrespecting you he gets angry very quickly, if anyone is rude to you or is physically aggressive towards you, he sits that shit down immediately, and it usually takes him a few minutes to cool off.

You are much quicker to anger than him, and he picks up on this very quickly and honestly really likes it because sometimes it’s in his defense.

When YOU defend him he honestly kicks his feet and giggles because he genuinely feels so safe with you. 

Q= Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) 

He would remember EVERYTHING about you.

Literally you mention something once to him once and it will be locked in his brain forever.

To the point that you get a little insecure about how much less you remember, you have a pretty good memory but not as good as his.

He legit doesn't care though, he is more than ok repeating himself.

R= Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moments in your relationship are the small ones.

For example there was one night where you were just laying on top of him like dead weight with your cheek pressed against his mindlessly scrolling through your phone.

You actually ended up falling asleep on him and he was oh so careful moving out from under you, he really didn’t want to wake you.

For the rest of the night he just stared at your sleeping form, memorizing every detail of your face. 

S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) 

He is very protective of you and you also are of him. He always checks in with you to see how you are feeling.

He is physically and emotionally protective of you, physically he knows that he makes you feel safe. Like you have a whole ass tank of a man with you at all times. But you have also expressed that you feel comfortable and secure that he would never use his size against you.

He is emotionally protective of you and your mental health issues, and he is there to support you through those tough times. 

As far as protecting him goes, he really likes how he is able to go to you with any problem or thought he is having and you will have an open mind and want to help him.

Surprisingly too he physically feels very safe with you because despite your size difference you are a very fierce and confident person. 

He knows that if shit really went down and you needed to fight that you could and would hold your own. And to be honest that is a turn on for him lol, like he loves how dominant and straight forward you are. 

T= Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) 

Not gonna lie he puts a fuck ton of effort into doing things with you. On special occasions expect to wake up to flowers and food.

He will take you out wherever you want and really devotes time to working on his social anxiety so that he can be more in the moment when you do go out. 

Day to day he would wait on you hand and foot if you let him, you usually insist that you can do things yourself but he usually weasels his way into doing small tasks for you.

Of course you return his effort back and if anything he sometimes is just faster to do things than you are. 

U= Ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?) 

Sometimes he really lets his anxiety get the best of him and goes silent just letting his thoughts run wild. 

You have a really hard time with silence typically and that is the biggest hump you two need to pass. Is that when either of you are upset, no matter how uncomfortable, you two NEED to just talk about it because it makes it so much worse for you to just sit in your thoughts.

V= Vanity (cow concerned are they with their looks?)

He is only concerned with his looks in the sense that he knows he has a very obvious presence when he is in public, and he understands the scary effect he has on some people.

Otherwise he doesn’t care that much, he takes care of his looks physically but in a maintenance way more so. 

If anything he is really nervous about what you will think of how he looks. Like when you see him naked for the first time or without his mask for the first time.

Before that his stomach was in KNOTS because of how nervous he was. But when you do finally see all of him you don’t stop complimenting (and just staring at) him for hours afterwards and his confidence goes through the roof as you two continue to date. 

It takes him a while to accept that someone truly loves him and how he looks 100%.

When he gets drunk he definitely gets more vain, checks himself out in the mirror longer, and has more confidence with the effect his looks have on you and gets more flirty. 

NSFW but the first time you guys have sex in front of a mirror is when he is a little tipsy since he needs a little confidence boost in order to try it. Spoiler alert he loves it.

W= Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

In the least codependent way possible he would not. Once he meets you, everything just makes more sense to him and he knows that he just wants to be with you for forever and then some. 

You are the sun that rises and sets on his days and he is obsessed with you, but is also very receptive to your boundaries and doesn’t want to be too clingy.

Cliche but you truly are Barbie and he is just Ken, and he is 100% ok with it. 

X= Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) 

Coupled with him being obsessed with you, he sort of has a staring problem and sometimes if you are doing work or on your phone he will just stare at you for so long.

He also does this when you are driving the two of you around, his body will be facing yours when he is in the passenger seat. 

Y= Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Sometimes your love language is teasing and he has a few names/insults that he does not want to be called at all because they are similar to things he’d been called when he was bullied growing up. 

On a lighter note he hates pickles and will legit side eye you when you are together and you are eating whole pickles. But this makes you the perfect restaurant pair because he always gives you his pickles. 

Z= Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Like previously mentioned he is a pretty early riser but also can be a night owl if that is what you’re used to. However it gets to the point where he is comfortable enough that he can fall asleep pretty quickly as long as he is with you.

He is used to sleeping in cramped spaces because there are rarely beds big enough for him so you typically do fit on the bed with him, but you always tell him to take up as much room as he needs.

Once you guys move in together, you buy a special bed that has plenty of space for the both of you.

 When sleeping with you he loves to just be in your arms. Sometimes when you need some grounding he will act as your weighted blanket and just become dead weight on you. Both of you are very heavy sleepers so once he is out , and if you need to get out from under him, it is definitely a challenge.

[killshotbabe]

Title | Overheated

Pairing | high school friend’s crush/bf!Jeno x reader ft. nct dream (minor appearance)

Warnings | minors dni! mention of smoking and alcohol consumption, use of swear words, reader stuck in an “uncomfortable” situation, close proximity, drunk!reader at some point, sexual tension, cheating/affair, jeno gaslights reader (or does he really?), fingering, implied solo masturbation, slight somnophilia, a bit "dub non-con" in the beginning, overstimulation, sex under the influence (reader only), dirty talk, unprotected sex (please wear protection!), implied public sex, no romance in any type of context

Word count | 4.5k

Song(s) | red - santino le saint, link up - kid travis

A.N | May or may not have dreamed about the idea of this lol. Just finished it today so happy valentines! (this one-shot won't make you blush that way...)

You’re not sure why your friend decided to it would be a good idea to go out with someone like him to begin with.

At first, you thought she’d get over him like usual, hoping it’s just a part of her “hyper-fixations” just like how she’s got maybe five crushes all at once (from what you can recall in one of those nights you spent hanging out in her bedroom) but much to your horror, it wasn’t as simple as that.

You remember her gawking at him at the cafeteria after she had jokingly pinched you, nudging you to check him out in which caused to roll your eyes and proceed to open the cap of your cold tea.

You didn’t care about crushes at all, and yes, he was cute, handsome even but the only thing that piqued your interest at the moment was that sleek navy blue motorcycle he brought to school. You’ve always wanted one and to say that you were jealous of him flexing one at such young age is nothing but an understatement — you wanted what he had even if you couldn’t afford it.

And that wasn’t fair to you. Not when he barely has to do anything when you’re out here working part-time at a pizza parlour and you can barely even pay half of the bills at home.

Him and his old money status can go to hell, you think. He doesn’t even need to show up to any of his classes and you’re one-hundred percent sure he’ll be able to get into any top universities so easily, he just has to maybe tell his parents—

“Hey, are you listening?”

You blink away from your train of thought, the faint bustle of the library buzzing into your ear.

You realize you’re still in the same place for about three hours now, trying to study with the same friend (which would be your only friend, not best friend yet though because you don’t like getting attached to things, let alone actual people) who had been yapping about him for the past hour, and you may or may not have told her to shut the fuck up in your head twice.

“Wait, sorry.” You lie, typing away as your friend broke into a sly grin after finally catching your attention. “What did you say?”

“I said I’m gonna talk to Jeno today.”

Jeno.

Him.

You couldn’t help but squint, almost bursting out of laughter.

You didn’t mind your friend at all.

She was fun, even if she’s the complete opposite of you. Loved cute things like pastel colours, calico critters and dressed the part as 1/4 of the future art majors in your campus (quirky, and she happened to obsessed with colour yellow), and collects a shit ton of squishmallows she even has a separate storage for it. She’s literally the true epitome of cute, preppy and pure.

Way too pure when it comes to that said department actually.

You weren’t even sure how someone like you were friends with her, and why she wouldn’t leave you alone but she was quite persistent with you — having to initiate things first after meeting you then following you around until you decided to just let her have at it.

Ever since then the two of you had been inseparable.

Though that didn’t mean you two were automatically best friends (even if she did say this a couple of times) and you would be lying if you saw it that way too when she mostly talked about herself, her hobbies, her interests, etc. unlike you who just sits there and listens, nodding your head off as if you do agree (mostly you don’t because you can’t relate or it’s just not your style) but you don’t really have the heart to tell her that… not when she’s generally nice and hasn’t really done anything to offend you.

You just admire the fact that she keeps dragging you around and never gave up on you. You don’t even know what made her want to work her butt off to earn your approval and have her invade your space like that, but you guessed that maybe she’s just someone you might need in your life.

…And that maybe, she’s there for a reason you can’t quite guess.

She hasn’t done anything stupid anyway.

…Until today.

“What?”

You balked, brows raised as she sighed dreamily, already planning her wedding dress for when she ends up marrying Jeno, her “soon-to-be high school sweetheart” as she mentioned just a few times and might have tried to manifest too with you in her room in front of her mini crystal collection she’s been obsessed with lately.

“I’m gonna say hi to him today! I’m sick of him not knowing who I am.”

If anything, you weren’t really surprised with this sudden revelation.

It was about time for her to finally try to introduce herself to him after crushing on him for two months now, and you do know she would have the great confidence to almost pursue anything, including him but you didn’t really want this day to come (hell, the thought of it was already dreadful) because you already knew what was bound to happen once she approaches him.

It’s like… surrendering a fawn to a den full of lions, and you can’t do anything but watch her get eaten, figuratively-speaking.

“You don’t look too happy, but that won’t stop me y’know.”

She winked mischievously, stealing a tomato chip off your lunch as you shook your head, a little smile playing on the edge of your lips.

“Do whatever you want but don’t rope me into your shit.”

You shrugged only to earn a scowl from her, her round eyes practically begging you to tag along when she introduces herself to him later on.

“But… c’mon! You don’t even have to say anything you just have to be there for moral support, pretty please?”

You could only sigh, pausing whatever you were doing just to look at her in the eye, already incapable of saying ‘no’ to her because in your defense she looked too cute.

You couldn’t afford to break her heart by saying no.

“Fine… whatever! Just get me ice cream after then we’re good.”

“Oh, I was about to say that too in case he rejects me ha ha,” she laughs off as she sipped on her watered down mango juice. “But at least I tried, yes? Then we can just enjoy our little ice cream date but I might cry…”

You weren’t even worried about that all, but you don’t say that part to your friend because guys like Jeno fancied cute girls.

Especially the innocent ones.

And your friend just might be the perfect girl for him.

To say that you weren’t right would be a goddamn lie, and you wished you were anywhere else but here, inside Jeno’s black sports car, the posh leather seat cold under your lap.

It’s been a month since the day your friend had introduced herself to him with such spark in her eyes you thought Jeno’s friends might have fallen for her too. One of them was even eyeing her from head to toe, visibly amused after seeing her short little skirt hugging her little frame.

Your friend, on top of being the real embodiment of cute, was still gorgeous and easy on the eyes, so it didn’t really surprise you when Jeno ended up giving his number to her as you tucked yourself away from his plain sight, hiding behind your much shorter friend when she confessed her feelings to him with so much confidence, it made you gag.

You weren’t really sure what happened overnight but just a week after, you found yourself on your own as your friend started hanging out with Jeno, his friends and their equally cute “girlfriends”, but she still made sure to spend half of her lunch break with you, even trying to drag you to their table but you could only reject her offer and excuse yourself because you had to catch up on an “assignment” when in reality, you would rather sit in the library by yourself than sit with them.

Then, today, you and your friend was supposed to go shopping by train but what she didn’t tell you was Jeno was gonna be there to drive the two of you so you don’t have to commute on the way to the mall and on the way back.

At first, you fumed having to deal with him being in an inclosed space as you, but it was indeed cold outside now that it’s halfway October and you certainly didn’t want to wait for the train with you friend in this type of weather (and maybe you did want to see his car up close and personal…) so you begrudgingly agreed, letting her yank you off your misery and plunge you into it all when she voluntarily pushed you to the backseat, your eyes drifting to Jeno who’s still talking to one of his friends, Mark, another guy from his group you do find just as attractive.

You could only roll your eyes as your friend wore her seatbelt on, giddily humming to herself. You gradually shifted your attention elsewhere, quite amazed with the clean and sleek interior of his car, but again it made sense.

Jeno was neat, never messy.

“Sorry, Mark was being clingy.”

You briefly hear him quickly apologize with a low chuckle as he slipped behind the wheel, his classy, citrusy scent invading your senses.

You cross your arms and looked away, trying to get him off your head as your friend’s slightly high-pitched voice cooed him “it”s okay!” and that “we can wait” ultimately, ignoring that fact that she just called him “babe” after.

This was one major thing you couldn’t bring yourself to fully admit — the fact that he’s now officially “seeing” your friend not even after a few months in which you felt no ounce of happiness about.

Your friend did inform you about it just a few nights before when she asked if you could come over and watch a scary movie with her because she noticed you were too busy and had no time with her (and you did feel bad because even if she’s always with him, she till spent some time with you only for you to run away for the most part) but she didn’t confront you about it at all.

If anything, it seemed like the usual chill nights you’d share with her until she brought him up and dropped the bomb on you without some sort of a warning beforehand especially when she can tell you’re not fond of Jeno nor his friends.

It felt like a sick joke, and it just feels like you friend is doing her best to make you change your mind about him which you don’t plan on doing so, not when you catch him doing PDA with your friend here and there you couldn’t help but swear at him in your head and look away.

The more time you had to spend with those two, sometimes with their friends, made you want to crumble or run off to the opposite direction.

They were exactly like what you imagined them to be, a couple of rich, privileged kids with filthy heads, the filth your friend is too innocent to be able discern.

They were sneaky about it too especially that Haechan guy who might have tried to get into your pants before, and you hated him so bad you had to tell him to back off you in which he called you feisty in return with the sinister promise of “you’ll want me someday.” before he left you to go smoke.

The rest of the group hasn’t really said anything to you yet. Sometimes they did but it was shallow and the girls hated your guts which is fair because you hated them as much (and with passion too). The only person you could perhaps stand in the group was Renjun.

The guy didn’t make any back-handed comments and he kept to himself for the most part but he did flash you a gaze occasionally wondering why you’re even here to begin with when it’s so damn obvious you don’t like anyone except your friend who always made sure you were included even if you tried to get away, and when you do try… it always ends with her getting what she wants.

And now you’re here, lost in your thoughts as you bore your full attention to the rows of yellow lights in the tunnel, the loud laughter your friend shared with Jeno mocking you.

He did leave the two of you alone to go shopping, and just came back to pick the you up as promised, then he’s supposed to drop you off first before her then they might go on a date like she told you earlier with so much excitement she couldn’t even choose between the two purses at a high-end store you were helping to choose from.

In the end, the two of you walked out the store satisfied — her with a new heart-shaped purse and you with a cashmere scarf you’ve been fancying on for months now that was on sale (which did hurt your bank account but your friend offered to pay half of it so you can just pay her back with instalments) this then provided some sort of a distraction for you, even offering to buy her a warm drink from the cafe as a sweet treat but since Jeno was already parked by the exit, you had to hurry.

They were still giggling as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, the urge to strap your headphones around your head getting stronger the more you tuned in, even rolling your eyes when Jeno asked for her hand so he could give it a kiss as if you weren’t just there, witnessing the horrors.

Much to your looming demise, you try to relax and lay your head back with a determined attempt to lull yourself to quick nap anyway since your apartment is around thirty minutes away, so you fold your arms, turned your head to face the window and closed your eyes.

Not even ten minutes later, just when you were about to actually let sleep take over, your hear the deep rumble of Jeno’s voice.

“She’s asleep isn’t she?”

There was a slight movement from your friend, causing you to hold your breath as you feel her check on you.

“Yep, she did say she was tired.”

“She doesn’t talk much. Why are you even friends with her?”

Jeno snickered, taunting you from the rear-view mirror as you tried your best not to reach out and strangle him god willing.

He doesn’t even know you like that.

“She’s nice! Just give her some time.” You friend sighed, defending your honour which you almost snorted at but pretending to be asleep at this very moment was more ideal for you, you think.

You pushed yourself to further into the door, eyelids slightly parting just in time to see him give her a sleazy wink before you saw his hand land on her lap, making your heart drop at the sight.

You weren’t sure if you liked where this was going at all.

“She’s sleeping Jeno…”

You clawed on your sleeved, clenching your jaw when you hear Jeno whisper rather suggestively.

You knew it was meant for your friend, but he didn’t even bother hiding it, assuming you’re fully knocked out at the back seat.

“If you can keep it down, she won’t know.”

You swore you almost cried, knuckles turning white for how hard you formed into fists when you hear your friend’s shy giggles which enveloped to a series of quiet moans from the front seat when he began touching her down there as he drove, the soft r&b blaring from his speakers in an attempt to suppress the noises your friend was trying so hard to hide so she won’t wake you up, when in reality, you were very much awake to witness all of this happening.

At this point, you genuinely wished you were dead, begging for the door to just unlatch itself so you can slide off your seat and fall into the road to your death than sit here, being forced to hear your friend let out a strangled moan as he fingered her, easily dragging her close to her peak.

You wanted it to stop — for them to just cut it out and put an end to your nightmare but it only got worse as the time went by.

You can practically hear the lewd noises Jeno was making with his fingers as he played with her sheer arousal and the way he was talking to her in such a dirty manner for the sole purpose to make her cum in which she violently did just a few minutes later, an animalistic high-pitched squeak leaving her lips before she heaving and moaning his name shakily with him still fucking her with fervour, overstimulating her.

The subsequent scarlet hue spread on your cheeks, heating your face up, second-hand embarrassment kicking in as you chewed on your lip until you drew blood from your cracked ones, neck craning all the way to your side so your scarf could hide the horrified expression on your face.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to cry or laugh — cry because he had the audacity to finger your friend at your presence or laugh because of the high-pitched noise your friend made. You think it’s a mixture of both and you think you might have gone clinically insane from that alone as this was not a part of your bingo card.

It’s only been a few weeks. Have they fucked already?

You try to contain yourself as you kept still when you hear them share a languid kiss in which your friend giggled to before she flashed you a quick gaze, making sure you were in fact, still asleep.

“She probably didn’t hear that did she?”

“I’m sure she didn’t.” Jeno’s mocking tone caused you to move slightly, but not enough to make him think you were awake all along.

Your neck became stiff after what seemed like forever, and as much as you wanted to stay in this painful position you knew you had rouse yourself up just because you couldn’t handle “sleeping” anymore, so you waited until your friend led him to your street as she navigated for him.

It was then the only time you stirred yourself up, alerting the both of them that you were now “awake.”

“Hey, sleepy head!”

You yawned, trying to look at her in the eye in the dark as you borrowed into your scarf, hiding half of your face.

“Yo.”

You diverted your to the windows and recognized your surroundings as the car halted just in front of your apartment complex, relief surging through you in sudden realization that you’re finally home.

“Thank god.”

You murmured under your breath, hand already fixed to the door handle, about to yank yourself out of there when your friend stopped you just before you can leave.

“See you next week!”

She piped up, her pupils shaking in pure excitement you almost asked what the hell she smoked to look like that when you already knew it was due to post-orgasm high.

You couldn’t help but to mirror her expression, but with a completely different reason.

You think you might want to commit right there if you kept smiling for ten more seconds, much like an unhinged criminal.

“Yeah! See you and thanks for the ride, Jeno.”

“Anytime.”

You see him nod at you, acknowledging your thankful nature (he probably though you were incapable of doing that) before you sprinted off, the two of them watching you attentively as you pushed yourself inside the lobby, cursing vehemently under your breath.

You didn’t even sleep that night, not when you find your underwear being wet from your own arousal after thinking about it again.

You don’t even like Jeno to any degree and yet, you still dreamed of him but not for good reasons.

Not at all.

And if your friend was to find out, it would be game over.

//

“I might have a friend who can take me in so Tony can come and fix this.”

You sigh, seeing as how the flooding got worse over the weekend due to the nonstop rainy weather and you, unfortunately, still rents the basement of a hosting family your mother personally knew but since they were on vacation in the UK and the main floor is locked, you can’t even access the floor and camp in the couch until the flooding issue gets fixed.

You’ve been on the phone with your host for an hour now explaining everything, and that they were going dispatch a friend to fix the damage shortly but still advised you that you’ll probably want to look for a friend to sleep over at for the mean time which you were okay with but you didn’t really want to do that even if you had no choice.

Hotels were costly so you dialled your only friend anyway whilst chugging what’s left from your coffee cup before tossing it in the nearby bin.

You’re in a local library now, left with nothing but a small suitcase you hastily shoved most of your every day necessities in to cover one week’s worth. Your host did say it should be okay to come back in a week or less so you made sure not to overpack, and you didn’t really want to stay there for longer, not when the slightly murky water felt cold around your feet.

“What? Are you serious!”

You sighed for what seemed like the 100th time today as you told your friend the whole situation.

“Not sure if this is going work but do you think you can take me in?” You inwardly groaned. “I can pay you.”

“Boo, I wish I can but my aunt’s over with my cousins I don’t have a space for you. Maybe after four days? They leave on Friday!”

“Well that won’t work, thank you though. I’ll go find a hotel—”

“No, no that’s going to be more expensive I can get someone to take you in though if that’s ok?”

You hummed, picking on your nail at the thought. Might as well give it a try.

“Sure…?”

“Ok, great! Give me a sec!”

You hear some sort of a movement from the other line before you hear your friend’s muffled voice once again.

“I just texted Jeno! He should be done working out right now. Where are you?”

“What?!” You let out a harsh whisper, trying to calm down realizing you’re in fact, still in a library. “Jeno—? I didn’t even agree just yet!”

“Well, he’s the only person I one-hundred percent trust with you even if you guys don’t talk but he’s got a huge place you can stay in and then he can even pick both of us up for school!”

“No,” You clutched your head in annoyance, trying your best not to hiss. “I— I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“What? Why? He already said he can do that though just now and I really don’t want you to spend money in a hotel. Too expensive. Good luck with Jeno though because he’ll say no with paying so you’re in good hands!” She laughed a little, making you huff on the other line. “Please? Maybe you guys can be friends. It gets so awkward when I’m with the both of you and you don’t even talk to him…”

“It’s just…” You try to explain. “I don’t know I feel like it’s so rude of me to just—”

“Honey, you’re not being rude! He literally said yes, and he’s got like two cars over there that you might like. If you ask nicely, maybe he can let you drive one to school? How about that?”

You wished she didn’t mention that at all, especially knowing that sport scars were your weakness in general and Jeno happened own two more aside from the one he drives to school.

You weren’t even sure if you had any ounce of dignity left at this point.

Hotels were costly, and you didn’t want to ask your mom for money to spend in a hotel thinking you’ve got a friend to cover for you, plus what you make from your part-time job wasn’t enough to foot the bill if you were to opt for a hotel.

If it was someone else, perhaps Mark or Renjun, you would probably agree without missing a beat (not like they would offer themselves in the first place, but if they did, you’d rather be with them) but this was Jeno.

The guy you’re friend is “seeing” and the same guy you thought about that night when you shouldn’t have.

You don’t even know if you could look at him in the eye anymore, and now you would have to stay over because he’s that nice?

“Heeeey, are you okay? I thought you ended the call for a second there.”

You cleared your throat, trying to make up your mind.

Am I gonna do this or not? Why the fuck would he even agree to this…

“I’m here sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? I really want you guys to start talking… Don’t you think this is a good idea? He thinks it might be good too.”

“He said that?” You almost laugh. “Thank you, but…”

“He did actually and no buts! Do this for me please?”

“You… fine, fine…” You say as you give up, letting her win over you again.

“Okay! Yay!”

You hear her clasp her hands together before she asked where your exact location was again, intending to forward it to Jeno.

In the end, she simply gave your number to him so it would be easier, logically speaking, but you didn’t even want to save his number at all or have that exchange. It felt so weird to have him there, in your short list of contacts when you don’t even consider him a “friend” for that matter.

You weren’t even sure if you were doing your friend a “favour” even if she did say she trusts Jeno because deep down, you knew she shouldn’t be putting all the trust to him, not when you’re in the picture.

Especially not when you’re about to be confined in one space with no one else but him for god knows how long.

//

He didn’t even bat an eye when you slipped into the front seat of his car as he was in the middle of a conversation what you can assume would be Jaemin, blabbing something about some new pc game he got, so you strapped your seatbelt on quietly, not sure when would be the good time to thank him when you can’t even look at him in the eye.

“K, heading home. Talk later.”

He didn’t say anything either so you slowly fixed half of your attention to the road ahead of you and his one hand steering the wheel expertly, then gradually moved past that so you can finally glance up there, to his gorgeous side profile in which you admire a little.

He’s even more handsome this close, with his tall nose, perfect jawline and glowing fair skin — you thought you might have forgotten your words but you quickly look away, feeling the nervous energy course through your veins.

“No thank you?”

There was a slight tinge of tease in his tone, so you clear your throat, refusing to actually spare him another glance afraid that he might catch you looking more that you should have.

“Sorry… Just sad about the whole situation, but thank you for taking me in. I hope that’s okay with your parents…”

“Don’t worry.” He chuckled a little. “They’re in the Caribbean Islands right now. No one’s home.”

“Oh, that’s great.” You weren’t even sure if that offered some sort of relief on your end. “Always wanted to go there.”

“Maybe if you start hanging out with us more then I can take you there for the summer with the group?”

You think he might be joking, so you treat it as such, trying not to derail from what seemed like a pleasant conversation you two are actually having.

You knew your friend would be happy to hear the fact that you can actually get along just fine, but because of how you see Jeno and his friends in such a negative light, you’re not sure if you had the ability to stop being stubborn for once.

“Maybe.”

You sigh, now shifting your gaze to him again, noticing his muscular, yet lean upper body hugged by just one layer of his black turtle neck. You couldn’t help but to ogle a little, but you do look away, feeling the slight guilt creeping down your spine.

He’s literally one move away from dating your friend, so why do you find it so hard to look away? Not when there are more conventionally attractive guys in the group? Like Mark? Renjun?

I have eyes. I can look, that’s it. It won’t hurt.

“Oh, c’mon the more the merrier.” There was some sort of a drawl in his tone you couldn’t quite miss, but maybe you might have been imagining things. “Let’s see if I end up liking you enough though then maybe I’ll work so hard to drag you into the group and come with us to the Caribbean next summer vacation, yeah?”

Or were you really imagining things?

//

The first night wasn’t bad.

You learn that your friend wasn’t exaggerating when she did tell you he lives in a mansion.

There was a huge fountain in the middle of a private cul-de-sac, two mermaids made out of a slab of rock perched in right in the centre, flowing water trickling from the matching queen conches.

The gate was tall, and the impressive gigantic lot is nestled in what seemed like a canopy of endless tall pine trees. They literally had no neighbours close by and the entirety of the driveway was an actual boulevard, you think they could possibly fit another house over the area.

It felt like you entered a different dimension — the gated community of the rich didn’t feel real at all. Even the air felt expensive, and just when you thought that wasn’t enough, Jeno allowed you to spare a longing gaze to his two other fancy cars parked in a quadruple-door garage.

He did notice your obvious interest with the exterior of his cars so he lets you have your fun until you found yourselves darting inside his own floor which could pass as some sort of a penthouse.

You think he might not even see his parents even if they were in one house altogether halfway in. Hell, if there was party being hosted by him for two days in a row his parents won’t probably hear any of it.

“I have a spare room when the guys sleep over so you can stay there for now. Don’t think I’d have anyone over soon so you’re good.”

You stand in the middle of the spare room, checking the surroundings like some sort of a curious cat.

It was super neat, had some distinctive art pieces by the walls, but it did look like where they would hang out judging from the game consoles tucked into the black drawers under the gigantic screen tv and the mini fridge with a snack bar situated in a corner surrounded by neon lights.

“Thanks again, Jeno.”

You tell him as he leaned against the doorway, a pleasant expression on his face upon noticing the way you looked awestruck with the room arrangement.

“No probs. I’m just one door away so let me know if you need anything. Usually up until 1 am. My maid isn’t here she’s on vacay so just it’s just us two.”

“Sure.”

He left you alone like that, letting you bask at thought of him even having a maid. You think he might have an entire staff like a “head chef” running the house, but sooner or later you learn they’re all on vacation since they were all related which leaves you and Jeno all alone in such a big house, though despite that, you couldn’t help but feel the foreboding anxiety blaring through you like fire alarms.

There was an itch you couldn’t pinpoint and it drove you crazy the more you stayed over, and even if the first night went equally well like normal, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of guilt wrecking through you, so for the next two days you got in touch with Tony, the maintenance guy, in hopes to hear something positive about the situation back home so leave early.

Much to your demise, it won’t be until a few days so you gave up, trying to calm yourself down as you tucked yourself to bed right after doing your homework on your third night.

Your friend visited you a few hours before but since her and Jeno had plans for the night which involved the guys, Jeno might be coming home around dawn. You couldn’t help but feel the crash of relief to be finally alone for once which was bad for you to admit since you’re literally staying in his house for free, but having him there to share a space with made you feel too damn guarded and you hated that.

It wasn’t like he was watching you either — if anything, you’re the one who was doing more of that especially when you ate together after he offered to cook, and if he did order take-out, he asked what you wanted and delivered it right to your door just because you didn’t feel like going downstairs when you should’ve offered but upon finding out he was in the ground floor from their own home gym, you decided not to.

He didn’t even bother putting a shirt on when he knocked on your door, letting you see his bare abs through the wide split of the door so you were quiet thankful you didn’t make your way downstairs even when the damage has been done and it did nothing but make things worse for you.

“The passcode is the last four numbers of you number.”

He concluded as he gave you a quick rundown of instructions in terms of the security system.

You nodded obediently, quite touched at the fact that he made you your own designated password even if you’re only staying for a couple of days.

You weren’t friends with him yet, but he sure made things easier and was quite civilized the entire time, even putting all the trust in you to be in the house but the cams were all on so he can literally see what you would be up to unless you lock yourself in your room.

You follow closely behind him and your friend now holding hands with him as the three of you entered the garage. Your friend gave you a little pat on a head muttering a “good girl” in a light, teasing tone before they eventually drove away, leaving you by yourself for the next few hours.

You actually planned to do a mini tour and explore the other floors besides Jeno’s floor but because you didn’t want to end up falling to any “trap” doors (Jeno did mention that once as a joke but you didn’t want to risk it) you chose to stay in your room instead and watched movies on netflix with a plan to reheat the leftover pizza from last night.

Around midnight, you found yourself by the mini bar, wanting to try some of the alcohol he had so you pop a Hennessy from the glass shelf into a mug instead to pair with some sun chips to munch on at midst of a thriller movie you picked.

After downing what seemed to be a couple of glasses within the passing hours, you nursed an impending headache throbbing in your head. You could only curse, the thought of being completely hangover the next day already pissing you off.

You were more of a social drinker, but you think it’s been a while since the last time you attended a party and back then, it wasn’t so bad. You were still able to walk and say sentences incoherently after a few shots but this was worse.

You’re severely tipsy at this point, gaze all hazy as you attempt to shut the tv off, squinting over the rolling credits you can barely read off from.

You yank your crewneck over your head after feeling too hot, opting for just a mid-length slip as you tumbled out of your room, wanting to head to the bathroom with the sudden urge to splash some icy cold water on your face but you weren’t fully thinking as to where you were heading until you managed to somehow push into Jeno’s room, arms splayed in the dim-lit space.

You stumbled your way into his own bathroom adjacent to his bookcase, locking yourself in.

You were about to pass out inside, suddenly too sleepy to function but still made it out of there only to end up locating his equally large, yet better bed, his sheets cool under your skin which eased up the liquid fire running in your bloodstream.

You weren’t really sure what you did next, but the faint smell of his citrusy scent from his nice, cold sheets, you didn’t care about anything else and instead, slept through the great comfort of it all.

Unbeknownst of you, Jeno did end up going back home earlier than planned, but without your friend this time.

He was too exhausted to even notice that something was truly off by the time he got into bed, shirt off, sleep knocking him out a few minutes in.

“She won’t know.”

He placed your arms on the curve of your back as he pinned you to the wall in a hallway absent of any light.

You feel his sweet, minty breath on your nape, his strong hand tight around your wrists in a vice grip with the intention of not letting you go.

You were so breathless now, letting him do what he wished, his free hand tracing the outline of your thigh as he yanked the hem of your dress upwards, groping you from behind, whispering sinisterly in your ear before kissing the slant your shoulder, his hand snaking dangerously inside the silk fabric until he replaced your bra with his, playing with your breasts in a manner that drove you nuts.

“You’ve thought about this haven’t you?” He pressed, as you whimpered helplessly, back arched with your behind brushing against his. “Answer.”

“Y-yes…”

You sigh, unable to control the soft moan emitting from your throat when he eventually slid his hand in your underwear, callused fingers rubbing your clit now covered with pure arousal, spreading it all over your aching sensitivity.

“I didn’t even have to spit.” He hissed sardonically. “But I think you’ll like that, yeah? What do you think? Do you want me to spit on your pussy?”

“F-fuck… yeah…”

You feel him pull his fingers off you, causing you to whine at the loss of contact when you hear him spit behind you, immediately sliding his hand back into your soiled underwear after doing so, messily mixing the glob of his spit with your slick arousal you think if he kept this up, you would cum in no time without even having him fuck you at all.

“You’re disgusting…” He hummed in satisfaction, ultimately parting your pussy lips so he can pump a finger in, his lips leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down your spine. “I like that.”

You hear him groan at the feeling your tight walls around his long, slender fingers, a series of swears rolling off your mouth when he began fingering you, fucking his spit into your throbbing hole all desperate for him and him only.

You rubbed your thighs together in a desperate attempt to itch the pulsating sensation between your legs, the bundle of nerves you eventually pressed on in your sleep made you whimper softly, the pleasurable feeling intensifying the more you rubbed yourself.

This was the second time Jeno had unmercilessly plagued your dreams again — like an incubus haunting you in your sleep, but in the end, he gives you what you desire — to come so hard you thought you’d black out.

You’ve never even drawn yourself to that type of high before you even knew who he was, but after what happened in the car, you couldn’t help but think of how good it would be to have him fuck you instead of your friend.

You did feel guilty for having this type of thoughts about your friend’s own boyfriend, but having him wreck havoc in your head after hours, was mind-numbing, it was almost addicting.

You’ve tried and fought so hard to stop thinking about him, trying to replace his face with someone else like Mark, or even Renjun or some other celebrity you fancied but when you’re just a minute away from reaching your peak, you can’t help but bring him back and let him take over you, his face alone making you come so hard your legs would shake as the raw lust mixed with shame riddled all over your skin.

Tonight was the same, except you were actually in his house and on his bed, touching yourself without any awareness about your surroundings and absolute care in the world, not when you had creeped your finger inside your now wet underwear, intending to finger yourself on your side, but before you could do that, you tucked yourself under the comforter seeking for warmth, back flat on the mattress as you slide your hand back in, moaning at the contact once again, legs propped with your knees bumping against each other as you played with yourself, eyes tightly shut.

“It hurts…” You whimpered lightly, still dreaming as you tilt your head to the side, brows furrowing in frustration. “I need…”

Jeno, who had been sleeping just right beside you, eventually stirred, turning to face you with a sigh, starting to be aware with the noises you were making but thought it was a part of what seemed like a dream for him too so he made no move until you inched closer and closer, now only one move away from touching him.

You’re facing him now, his familiar sweet scent elating your senses, it being the only thing to make you move faster, your middle finger playing with your growing wetness before you eventually slid it in, biting your lip at how tight you felt and wishing it was him doing it for you instead.

“Jeno…” You huff, you free hand snaking under your slip to grope your breast, hissing from how hard your nipples had gotten.

Jeno, now half-asleep, responded with a tired “hmm” as he hovered closer, his hand landing on your hip to pull you closer to him, sealing the small gap between the both of you with his face now resting on the curve of your shoulder.

He hears you purr sweetly, fingering yourself faster when you feel him lay a light kiss on your bare skin, his hand finding your jaw so he can tilt your chin up, kissing you there but deeper.

You didn’t even care anymore. No shame surging through you thinking this was a mere wet dream even if it felt too real, so real you could actually see him in the shadow but because the lights were so dim, you couldn’t make a face but his beautiful scent and warmth was more than enough.

You just needed to feel him, have him ruin you more just like how he does in your dreams.

“Aren’t you tired?” He whispered huskily, realizing you were fingering yourself when he circled his own around your wrist, stopping you. “What are you doing?”

“I want…” You mumbled, distress coating your tone when he yanked your hand from your underwear ever so gently. “I want to cum…”

“Want to?” he cooed, keeping his eyes close as he parted his lips open to suck your slick arousal from your fingers, earning another moan from you before he let you grab him on the shoulder, his own hand now snaking inside your underwear.

“Fuck, just-just put it in, please…” You begged, circling your arms around his neck as you lifted your leg, resting it on his hip.

You hear him hum, the deep rumble of it making your head go numb.

He wasted no time, pleased with your whines when he slid his finger inside your soaked pussy, fingering you slowly until you found yourself in a verge of breaking out of a sob, your knuckles turning white on his shoulder as he fucked you faster and harder at your request, fully attentive with the way you were squeezing him, sucking him further into your throbbing cunt, making him go crazy for how increasingly wet you’ve become.

“J-jeno!”

You half-screamed, back arching as he hovered on top of you, his head disappearing on the crook of your neck to kiss you right there before you feel his teeth bite the strap of your slip, yanking it down your shoulders.

He was going way faster now, fingers curving up to rammed on your sweet spot as you struggled under him, thighs closing tightly around his flexed arm just when you’re about to reach your peak.

“Don’t you want to come?” He smiled sleepily, sucking your left nipple with so much want it only drove you closer to your orgasm. “If you’re a good girl, you will, won’t you?”

It was scary how it feel too damn real — you could even hear him up close and personal and it was too overwhelming, but you couldn’t open your eyes, not wanting this dream to ever end, not when he’s about to make you cum so hard like this.

So you pushed through it, the lewd squelching of your wetness from him fucking into you the only thing you could hear, his equally pleased moans gracing your ears when you tell him you’re almost there.

“Fuck, fuck…fuck! I’m,” You cried, shaking violently as you finally snapped, hands flying on his in an attempt to stop him from fingering you in a brutal pace but he didn’t allow you.

Instead, he forced you to ride through it all as you cursed, head thrown back until you began sob from overdrive, thrashing and squirming under him only to make him pin your arms above your head, your slip pulled all the way to your neck, letting him feel your bare skin, your underwear being torn by him, tossing it on the marbled floors.

“I’m fucking you.” He growled, eyes parting slightly, unable to see you fully but the feeling of having you all naked and weak under him made him a little crazy. He wasn’t even sure if this was just a dream anymore, but he had his own personal desires needed to be taken care of. “You’ll let me, right?”

“Please…” You begged as he lifted your dress all the way to your face, turning it into a blindfold causing you to spread your legs wider for him, too aroused with the way he was trying to limit your senses. “Fuck… just do whatever you want, please…use..use me…”

“Can you even take me?” He smirked, tracing small kisses from your jaw all the way to your sternum as your breath hitched. “You’re this desperate, huh?”

You hear him unbuckle his belt as you begged, wanting him to give it to you already, afraid that this dream might come into an end.

“Please, Jeno…”

“Sounds better when you say it like that…”

He sighed, giving himself a few generous strokes before you felt the tip of his hard cock rub your pussy, giving you a few jabs before he slowly slipped inside you just halfway, wanting you to get used to his size so he waits for a tap which came just a few moments later, and gives it to you, a matching lustful moan being knocked out from yours and his.

“So b-big…”

You grabbed his biceps as he held his breath, trying his best not to fuck you like a wild animal for how amazingly tight and warm you felt around him, squeezing around him repeatedly, almost drawing him to the edge.

“Your pussy can take it…” He whispered, fucking into you slowly. “If I fuck you like this, you’ll take it…and if I go faster?”

“Ah!” You cried as he snapped his hips into you, the wetness of your pussy coating his entire cock, drawing him deeper into your cunt. “Don’t stop… fuck, f-fuck feels so good, so so good.”

“I know, baby…” He hissed vehemently, face buried into the crook of your neck as you let him fuck you faster, the slightly deep baritone of your tone intensifying the fact that he wants to ruin you, even if this wasn’t reality because god knows what he will do it had been, but for some reason, he didn’t felt any type of shame if this wasn’t a dream— just the carnal desire he felt for you, the girl who seemed to hate him for no valid reason.

You clutched the sheets as he pistons in and out of you, ultimately driving the both of you to each other’s peak.

He doesn’t let you touch him, his hand fixed to your wrists on top of your head as your jaw went slack, breath hitching as your legs trembled, alerting him that you were there.

“Fuck, spread your legs wider.” He demanded through gritted teeth, strong thighs stuttering against yours as you obediently did what he asked. “That’s it, pretty girl.”

It didn’t take long when the two of you finally came, you being the first to snap as he followed-through just a few seconds later, pulling out of you so he can cum on his bed sheet instead.

You immediately fell asleep right after, smiling through it all just like he did, the looming taste of regret awaiting to ruin everything in the morning.

Or would it?

//

You awoke to an unfamiliar bed, already panicking upon finding out you’ve been sleeping in his room the entire time so you quickly pad down the silent hall, disappearing inside your own room with a huff.

You ignore the throbbing headache in your head as sat on your bed, a little shaken and not knowing to go about explaining what just happened if he was aware of it, but you think he’s not even home or if he was, did he end up sleeping elsewhere?

You grabbed your crewneck and fixed yourself in front of the mirror, about to head downstairs and find him when you feel something odd, so you lift the hem of your dress, discovering that you didn’t even have an underwear on.

The memory of him taking it off you haunted your train of thought — last night felt too raw, too real and you think it maybe because you’re starting to be delusional, using the advantage of staying in his house and touch his stuff that weren’t yours.

You assume this might have catered to it all and you weren’t even sure if that’s something to be happy or angry about.

You figured it wasn’t — in fact, it was too wrong and you wanted out so you immediately text Tony for an update before heading downstairs to find Jeno.

Jeno, you learn, was not alone.

It was a Saturday after all, and he happens to be on the phone by the living room, his full attention watching the glowing fireplace in front of him, energy drink on-hand as your friend darted from the kitchen, immediately seeing you.

“Oh, she’s up!” She announced, running to hug you with a beam. “Jina and I are going to get our nails done and she’s picking me up, you wanna come?”

“Oh, um… that’s okay.” You falter as Jeno turned to look at you, gaze unreadable. “I’m leaving soon anyway, like going back to my place.”

“Oh! Well maybe next time? Jeno is leaving soon too but won’t be dropping me off. Jeno, help her okay?”

You avoid the way he’s looking at you now, quite embarrassed with the fact that you literally just slept in his bed and even dreamed of him fucking you. You just hoped he had no idea, and if he did know, you knew you couldn’t bear to show face any longer.

“I’ll plan us another date. Just you and I. I promise!”

You let your friend drag you to the entrance and albeit dazed from the unholy thoughts you were suddenly having about Jeno, you managed to brush it off and watch your friend leave, waving her a small good-bye, the guilt surging through you once again after seeing her.

You were just about to lock the door when you feel him hover behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck raising at the sound of his deep voice invading your cloud of thoughts.

“I’m gone for one night and you’re suddenly touching stuff that aren’t yours?”

So he did know. But does he know?

“I’m sorry…” You exhale, sighing regretfully but refused to look at him in the eye. “Got a little drunk then looked for the bathroom—“

“See… that wasn’t the only thing I’m upset about though.”

You gulped as you feel him walk closer so you slowly back away, the shocked gasp leaving your lips as you feel the pressure of the door behind you, him towering over you now.

“What?”

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” He questioned, a little on edge. “Don’t act dumb now.”

“I said I was drunk and I’m sorry.” You apologized sincerely, the overwhelming silence skyrocketing your anxiety. “If there was any damage—”

“No, that’s not…” You hear him chuckle as he drove his hand to the door, cornering you like a predator, but you remain still, stopping yourself from looking up or it was going to over. “Do I have to explain?”

“I don’t…”

“You don’t care about your friend, do you?”

Your eyes rounded in shock, immediately tilting your chin up so you can look at him in the eye this time, suddenly angry at his accusation.

“What made you say that?” You snapped, watching him shake his head in amusement but you weren’t buying it. “Jeno.”

“You’re something else.” He whispered softly, eyes searching something in yours before you feel him inch closer to your ear, his lips brushing across the shell of your ear. “You’re insane. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Jeno, what the fuck?”

You pushed him off you but he could only laugh, head tilting to the side, a smirk now evident on his face.

He was too handsome, it almost drove you nuts if it wasn’t for the way he just insulted you.

“Guess I’d be the first but don’t worry, I’m not that angry, you know?”

You clenched your jaw, watching him advance to you again with an intent to pin you against the door.

“You’re full of shit. I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about when all I’ve done is —”

“We fucked.” He sighed, reeling closer when you clamped your mouth shut, looking away from him. “Why, you thought you were dreaming?”

“You’re joking.”

“See, I’d like to think I was. The whole time I thought the same until I find you in my bed in the morning.”

You faltered, unable to think straight when you feel him trace the outline of your jaw, grabbing you by the chin gently to make you shift your attention back to him.

“Jeno.”

“You said my name too. Just like this.” His darkened gaze pierced yours, pupils blown. “You like me that much?”

“We can’t do this.” You grab his wrist, pushing him away with a huff. “It was a mistake!”

“I’d like to think the same but for some reason…” He took another step, completely caging you in just like you were always meant to be for him. “You’re fucking everything up.”

“How is that my fault —”

“You should’ve pursued me first, that’s all.”

Your eyes widen as he cradled your face, drawing you completely speechless.

Turns out, he was crazier, even more sinister with the way he’s touching you so inappropriately right now you feel like pushing him off and running out to escape but you simply couldn’t. You knew you wanted him too even if you shouldn’t.

Not when the damage has already been done, and you’ve opened a pandora box, unleashing his hidden desires on board with yours, the sinful thoughts you’ve been trying so hard to seal away for no one to figure out.

“You don’t give a fuck about her?” You swallowed a lump in your throat, a pained expression on your face as he kept up with his ministrations, his hand now holding yours. “Why are you touching me…”

“I like you.” He confesses with a shrug like it was something so simple to do, his piercing gaze meeting yours again. “You think I’m into your friend?”

“You’re sick.”

You say through gritted teeth, raw anger still there but the more you allowed him to stare you down like this, the more it dissipated. The desperate hold you had around it vanishing to thin air.

“And you think you’re not?”

There was that same fiery edge to his tone now, his grip around your hand tightening. You try to break free from his grasp until you hear his phone ring. You were just about to use that as way to completely push him away, but he cut you off, demanding you to stay still.

“We’re not done.”

You watch him answer the call, fear on your eyes when you discovered it as your friend asking if he could pass the phone over to you just because you weren’t answering yours.

“Talk to her.” He demanded, his stern tone sending shivers all over your body when you placed his phone near your ear.

“Hey,” You greeted your friend, trying to sound as normal as you could before shying away from the way Jeno’s eyeing you right now. “Was in the shower. What’s up?”

You let your friend take-over, asking if you wanted anything from a specific shop near the nail salon she was in and had been trying so hard to get your mind out of the gutter for the past minute that seemed to flow by in forever. You found yourself stuck in the middle — part of you wanted to tell her about what you did just like that no matter what the consequences were but the other half simply haunted you, did you really want to stop? When the guilt should be burning you alive right now but for some reason, you hardly felt anything and you weren’t sure what to make of that.

“You don’t care about your friend, do you?”

“The one with stars is cute but you don’t have to— it’s okay,” You shook your head, completely missing the fact that Jeno had gotten even closer. You catch on to him before he lowers his head to the side of your face, about to murmur something.

“Stop.” With the phone away from your lips, you attempt to get away but he only holds you still, hand fixed to the curve of your waist. “Jeno—”

“Just tell me the details later!” Your friend squealed over the phone. “And tell Jeno to read my text!”

The call ended just before you could utter something but the phone from your hand was snatched away in a millisecond, suddenly finding yourself gasping when Jeno placed his knee in between your thighs, feeling you up with his clothed knee, his hand now groping your breast.

“Quit it, won’t you?” You bit your lip, hand fisting his top as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on your collarbone. “You want to run away so bad but I can see it in your eyes. You want this as much as I do so don’t lie to yourself.”

“Jeno, stop,” You begged, arousal already pulling in your underwear when he forced you to grind down on his thigh, holding all your weight up alone with just that alone. “Jeno…”

“I’ll let you go f that’s what you want.” He grunted as you began to grind on him, growing more aroused with the way you were whining, struggling on his thigh. He challenged you, even if he knew you wouldn’t be able to resist all of this.

Resist him.

You whimpered as he removed his thigh between your legs, letting you off but you don’t make a move.

“You want to go?” You could only gaze back at him, completely in trance as he grinned down at you, his sardonic expression reeling you in. “Then go.”

It didn’t take long until you finally snapped altogether, crashing yourself to him to latch your lips on his in sheer frustration, an audible groan coming from him as he nibbled your bottom lip, lifting you up, hands all over your body.

Sooner or later, you found yourselves in bed, having to have exhausted each other but there were no words shared after it all.

You weren’t even sure what to do next as you laid there beside him, watching him sleep on his back, head turned away from yours. It was then you felt your heart crumble into pieces, the immense jolt of pain suddenly waking you up from trance.

Do I really want to do this?

You left the next morning just like that, not wanting to pursue this wrong deed at all, and without a word other as you hailed a taxi. You deleted and blocked his phone number and made a plan to somehow try to avoid him and your friend for the next few months, but it wasn’t simple like that, and yet, you tried to stay away.

For the next six months, it was like that — with you and your friend slowly falling apart because you no longer shared classes for second semester and you made no amends to even see or spend time with her, having to have met other friends you shared classes with and then her, with the boys and their girls.

You were also thankful of Jeno not pursuing anything with you too. You barely saw him around due to the fact that he did sign up for more sport-related activities so naturally, he disappeared from your sight. He must have thought that it was clearly a mistake just like you did, and you fought to repent for your sins and you wished he did too.

You didn’t keep track about anything that had to do with them anymore and decided to focus on your studies like you’ve always had from the beginning to prepare yourself for graduation and university requirements. Your great efforts did pay off in the end, having to graduate with almost on top of all your classes and getting into one of your top three universities.

Life seemed great for you — quite elated for the next journey you’re bound to go on for the next two years now that senior year was over and so was the evening dinner you had to attend because it was mandatory despite wanting to opt out of it but you made sure to leave early as you had no plans to sit in the fancy banquet of a five-star hotel and “get entertained” when everyone either sat around to chill or lose themselves in the dimmed down dance floor.

By 11 pm, you bid your goodbyes to a panel of teachers, one of them being your favourite, just in the next room in the hall, then gunned down to the parking lot where you parked your car.

You dug your keys in your purse, humming to yourself when you spot someone’s slick black shoes right next to your car so you stop and blink, shifting your attention the wide plain of his familiar broad back, his white dress shirt being the only article of clothing he has on with some tailored black plants that probably cost five months worth of rent.

“Jeno.”

“Nice ride you got.” He drew the cigarette away from his lips, grey smoke hitting your face as you slowly took a step back, unable to form any coherent sentence upon realizing that he’s standing before you now. “New model too. Gift, maybe?”

You do know you’ve been trying to avoid him.

As much as you tried however, he was there, always in a crowd and you never missed a handsome face like his. He burned in the back of your head so easily, but it was too difficult to get him out no matter how many distractions you could come with, and even if most of it worked in your favour he still lived inside your head like a parasite.

A parasite you may never end up getting rid of.

“I’m going home.” Was all you said, trying to stay stoic and unaffected as he advanced to you, even more irresistable now that he’s worked out more and grew his hair a little longer, a strand from his gelled back fringe curving on his forehead and it did nothing but clench your jaw.

He was just too handsome, you were close to believing no one would be able to resist him at all, not even the new arm candy he brought as a date to dinner since your he has apparently broken up with your friend a month before graduation due to a sudden drastic change in her family’s living situation.

You soon find out she was never coming back, and apparently “long distance relationships” wasn’t Jeno’s thing.

“This early?”

There was a coy smirk on his face, cigarette resting between his lips. You stood there, liking the smell, reminding you of your father back home so naturally, you stayed where you are, feet starting to hurt from the five inch heels you regretfully wore to dinner.

“Yeah, I have work the next morning.”

He’s one step away from you now, his full attention scanning your red dress from head to toe, liking the tight fit around your soft curves. You try to stand your ground anyway, albeit about to burst into shivers from the way he narrowed his eyes to you now, blowing another puff of grey you ended up inhaling into your system as well for how damn close he’s gotten, invading your comfort zone.

“That’s a shame.” He circled around you like some sort of a predator, but without touching you until you feel him stop just inches away, his hard chest brushing against your back. “Well go on, your car is right there.”

Your breath hitched as you began to walk to your car, unlocking the back door to throw your purse into with a slam. You don’t say anything as you placed your hand on the handle, chewing on your lips as he quirked an eyebrow, wanting to know what seemed to make you look a little stressed and all tensed up.

“Your date.” You slowly met his amused gaze. “How long?”

“Didn’t sleep with her if that’s what you were wondering.” You didn’t even want to lie — the wave of relief crashed through you, engulfing you in so you let go of the handle and headed to him, letting your burning desire drag you all the way to his arms as he pulled you into a suffocating embrace. “I knew you couldn’t resist me.”

Jeno flung his cigarette off his lips to kiss you hungrily causing you to moan in his mouth, tasting the peppermint candy he’s had and the slight bitterness from the cigarette but you didn’t care.

You didn’t care until he threw you in your backseat, ripping your underwear off you so easily and gave it to you right there and then, until you were in a verge of tears, unable to think straight as you moaned his name all over again like some sort of a mantra, dragging the both of you into eternal hell.

And to hell with him it is.