#her lil puggle

[quazart]

Communication

Talking with Mama M.E.

@year-of-the-echidna 🔥👊❤️

[one-hundred-small-pineapples]

I got an hour of sleep but I finished my presentation that determines whether or not I graduate!

Also my dog is laying in my lap and she’s got her paw on top of my hand so I won’t leave 🥺

[themrswallace]

So our new neighbours have started work next door and the husbands ALWAYS outside doing building work (Assume he's doing what my dad used to do, which was put shit up himself until the main body was done and builders could finish things) and fuck knows how many convos he's heard between me and the girls, like legit I talk to them like people but most of the time its just me randomly singing about their lil butts and Lilly's love of snacking on poop. "Was that? IS THAT A LIL BUTT CHEEK!? IMMA GRAB DEM LIL PUGGY CHEEKS" (they love this, which is weirder) "MAH GURLS! MAH GREMLINS! HOWS MAH BABIES THIS MORNIN'?" "Lilly, I swear to god if you lick my face I'm taking a dump in your bed" "Whose sniffing my butt back there? Can I sit down without a face violating my personal space?" "Lilly, why my vag? I know you an May love a lil alabama action but I'm not down" "God help you should something bust through this fence. I can assure you, whatever you're barking at, is probably bigger and has no fucks to give about chowing on your asses" "Girls? My small hams? my reasonably priced costco hams" "May, miss big tits, just cus you think you're terrifying, don't mean shit. You look like a bouncy blonde marshmallow" "MAY! Quit lickin' the dishwasher!" 'She stops and then once my backs turned the clinking intensifies' "MAY! Alright, lick the dishwasher just leave the clean stuff alone!" "You havin' your feelin's, small puggle? You havin' your feelin's?" "I'm not carrying you again" 'I do carry her' "Momma, My small Mommas, you need to scoot" "WHY THE LAUNDRY BASKET?!" "No, you cannot live in the washing machine!" "PUG TITTIES! ALL THE PUG TITTIES!" "May, I know its you, I can hear your tiny gremlin noises" "...It's Lilly...only she sounds like Golem" "Whichever one of you is licking my folds, please stop. I've just bathed" "OW! STAWP CLAWIN' MAH TITTIES!" "Smam, smallish mam, my smallest of the mams, yes you" "Are you dying or breathing? I'm never sure" "MAY! WE DO NOT SUPPORT ALABAMA IN THIS HOUSE!" "LILLY! QUIT LICKIN' YOUR SISTERS BUTTHOLE!" "How did I end up with one gremlin with ADHD, and the other with a Jimmy De Santa level of entitlement?"

[findswoman]

A Star Wars OC Fic Rec List—2.0

(Trying again because there were some weird technical difficulties the first time—probably because I edited this on both the PC and the mobile at different times. Apologies to anyone who didn’t get tagged properly the first time because of this!)

Because yes, once again, OCs, in my opinion, rock and unquestionably deserve more love! :)

I have listed here some mighty fine Star Wars fics (and series of fics), by gifted authors I know, that feature prominent OC presence (though established characters may appear as well). Alphabetical by author’s name. All links go to AO3 unless specified otherwise. I’m always glad to add more if people have suggestions!

A few notes to begin with. First of all, if I haven’t @��d an author, it’s because I don’t know whether they have a Tumblr username or not. If you are one of those authors and you see this, feel free to let me know, and I’ll give you a proper @.

Second, there will be a “read more” cut further down where I list a few recommendations of an explicit nature. I don’t know if @’s placed behind those cuts will actually tag like they should; if not, I apologize in advance!

So, here goes!

The Itanno Clan series by aikisenshi. Chronicles the life, travels, and tribulations of a Ryn clan and their friends and loved ones. Most stories center on the Ryn Jedi healer Sennah—taken from the clan by the Jedi at a young age—and her old friend and love Danyal, a gifted musician, though some (like “Community”) focus on other OCs whose fates are joined to theirs in various ways.

Du Doompa by @apollonkondric (AO3: rktho_writes). A compelling, immersive epic exploring the lives and hardships of some of “the lowly” (the literal meaning of du doompa in Huttese) of the Galaxy. Features a diverse and well-crafted (and mosty non-Human!) OC cast. Also check out the author’s Leatherface and Amber and Idiot’s Arrays, featuring some of the same OCs.

Bad Romance and The General’s Wife   by divapilot. Mature. An “AU of an AU” in which Han and Leia’s   youngest and  non-Force-sensitive daughter, Breha (Bree), negotiates and  ultimately  survives an abusive marriage to General Armitage Hux. Content warning for domestic/spousal abuse.    

The Dyeke/Lil series and the Anjie Mencuri series by Ewok_Poet. The former chronicles the life and travels of a Drall artist from Sacorria, in the Correllian sector—Dyeke (who sometimes uses the assumed name Lil), who is haunted by memories of past triumphs and a past love. The latter are stories centering around a talented but quirky and very slightly Force-attuned quetarrist/singer (Human, from Naboo) as he navigates the ins and outs of love, music, addiction, and fame.

Lasat Family Slice of Life Story by @fuzzydemolitionsquad (link is to Tumblr).  In which Sugar “Shoog” Trodd, older sister of the infamous Puggles, celebrates an important coming-of-age. Colorful cast of Lasat OCs. Can you tell I have a soft spot for them?

The Mandalorian Protector series by MiaMesharad. Immersive tales of Mandalorian life and culture, centered around the bodyguard Ezgi Deshra. The first story, “Welcome to Mandalore,” is structured as a travel guide, in which Ezgi guides the reader through Mandalore’s notable cities, sites, and scenes.

Several OC-centered stories by Pandora: Pale Iris (an ANH AU set in motion by an unassuming young Sacorrian woman—somewhat mature), Getting It On (a humorous Jawa courtship story), Something is shining like gold, but better (the journal of a prim, proper Naboo schoolteacher who comes to teach on Tatooine), Dutiful (a romance between a Naboo handmaiden and an imperial Crimson Guard). Really, the easiest thing to do is just to go to her AO3 “works” page and filter for “Original Character(s),” because if I try to list them all, I’ll be here for a long time.

Finally, a very few (like, two) recommendations of a more explicit nature are below the cut, for those who are interested.

Life Anew by Grayscrunchie (link is to AdultFanFiction.net). “Fill me, Son of Lasan. No one can take this moment from us.” All the hopes of the scattered, decimated Lasat people rest on an encounter between Zeb Orrelios and a beautiful, smart Lasat doctor who heads a project to repopulate the species. I don’t have much experience with explicit stories, but this one is very close to my heart.

Red Five by @jadelotusflower​. An oomphy Luke Skywalker/OC romance that began as Rogue One speculation, burgeoned into a thoughtful sequel trilogy AU, and is jam-packed with steamy love scenes! I first got to know this story in the non-explicit version posted on JCF; Valara is a wonderful match for Luke who emits combined Mara Jade and Jyn Erso vibes.

[fuzzydemolitionsquad]

The tractor part two

Zeb cruised down the main street of Snag Toe, a not-so-bustling metropolis that was only a skip and a hop away from the Trodd family farm. Puggles lay back in his reclined seat, picking his nose and flicking his findings into the wind.

“I told you to STOP DOING THAT!” Zeb popped his cousin across the chops with the back of his hand. “If one of those gets on me I’m gonna choke you out!”

Puggles cackled. He sat up in his seat and watched a jumble-shrub blow across the road. There were no vehicles hovering by the curbs or krauntaun mounts tugging at their hitching posts. Everything was quiet. A lone drifter clad in beaten leather fueled his speeder bike at a dark fuel station. He turned onto the street without looking in the opposite direction and headed for Transitway Nineteen East. A solitary bantha in a paddock across the road lowed plaintively  as she watched him go, her long tongue stretched out in his direction of travel. All the shops–including Gurvis’s Tractor and Farm Supply– were closed. The windows of the shops  were concealed by plate-metal shades, like the eyelids  of sleeping lasats.

“Welp, looks like evrry’thang is closed.”

“It’s only an hour and a half to mid-sun!” Zeb said.

Puggles scratched his hairy chin. “Wunner if this has sumthin to do wit the elly-mentry school carnival? Old Gurvis volunteers fer the milk bottle toss erry year, an Mizz Clapp, y’ know, the sundry shop owner, sells tickets. Yup, pract’ly the whole damn town gets involved.”

Zeb palmed his face. “ WHY didn’t you mention this BEFORE?”

“I unno. Jus’ slipped m’ mind.  Oh well. Guess we has to go back home.”

“No. No, I promised pa I’d help him fix the tractor today.”

Puggles sighed. He lit a cigarette and took a drag. “Well if you insist. We kin turn left at thee stop and head on over to Needlesap. They got a tractor parts store there too.”

Zeb thought for a moment.

“Nuh-uh.  Needlesap  has all those crazies  who were released from the mental hospital. Oh. Heh. Sorry Puggles, no offense. Besides, it’s where all the Lunxx boys hang out. I don’t feel like saving your scrawny tail today.”

“Save mah tail? Shheeeoot. . . I kin hold my own with them blinked-milk-suckin’ moon-calfs.”

Zeb laughed. “Whatever you say, Puggles.” The big purple lasat stretched his arms over the steering yoke and rest his head on them. His ear twitched.

“What iz yew doin’? Gettin’ sum shut-eye’?”

“No. I’m thinking, and. . . I think I have an idea. How long has it been since you’ve visited the capital?”

“Amethyst City?”

“No. The other capital.” Duh.”  “Of course Amethyst City!”

Puggles’ brown face twisted. “I’d rather suck on the business end of a lightsaber! Or scrawl m’ name acrost a Mandy-lorry-an’s helm! Hells, I’d rather go skinny-dippin’ wid a love-sick dianoga than go to thee blasted capital!”

“So you really don’t wanna go?”

“No!” Why would I? Place is fulla ijits. Dandy lads an’ snooty gals and polly-tish-ans and such.”

“There’s lots of nice lasats too.”

I heard there wuz  staurmtroopers there. An’ guards all  a’suited in red.”

“Well, yes, but that was over two dust seasons ago.” Zeb said, a  small crease forming over his brow. “The Empire wants fealty.That’s why the Emperor has sent envoys over the last couple years. Same thing happened when the Separatists and the Republic were vying for our  support. Lasan isn’t interested in any political affiliation other than its own.”

“White and red. Bone and blood.” Puggles intoned.”That’s what Mossy said. Bone and blood.”

Zeb rolled his eyes. “ I think Mossy’s been eating too many toadstools.”

“Mebbe so. But he’s a witch’s son. Sometimes he has the mindsight. You member that.”

Zeb’s eyes shifted to the floorboard of the speeder. He looked at his feet. His prehensile toes kneaded the warm, plastoid-sheathed metal. Puggles’ worries were his as well, though he would never admit it.

“Capital’s two hours away. We better get going. I want to get pa’s tractor up and running today so he can get an early start tomorrow morning.”

“Land a’ muddlin’. Fine. Let’s git a move on.”

The big city filled Puggles with a combination of loathing and excitement.

There was nary a field nor hollow nor tree to be seen, save the topiary monstrosities growing from large bronzium planter boxes lining the streets.

Massive domes and tall conical buildings competed with one another for space, corrupting the natural skyline of purple mountains beyond. Sheer crystal sidewalks tinged lavender and green fronted a myriad of shops for blocks and blocks on end. Lasats in colorful attire bustled about like bees in a hive, their servant droids walking behind them, shopping wagons in tow..

Zeb entered a round-about on one busy street. In the middle was a statue of a heroic-looking female. Her quadranium arm was raised, a large bo-rifle in her grip. The sun glinted off her tattered uniform and one bared breast.

Puggles' eyes widened three sizes. “Did yew see that? Her tiddy is showin’! Whoo-wee. . . and it’s a nice un’!

“Be respectful, Puggles. That’s Shaddis Rrochious. She was a highly-skilled warrior and martyr who perished in the barbarian wars.”

“A warrior huh? Sheeeoot, she could shock me wid that ‘lectric rifle any time.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her spirit that when I’m in temple. Oh, and by the way, there’s a great statue of Firuz in front of the Warrior Council building. We should bring Jenni next time. I’m sure she would admire the bulge in his-

“All right all right. Point taken.” Puggles turned and looked back. “I’m sorry Miss Shaddis! Please ‘cept a Southern boy’s humble ‘pology!” 

They continued on down the street. Colorful, high-definition holograms flashed in the fancier shop windows, advertising the wares inside. The colors danced across the hood of Zeb’s speeder. Puggles’ whistled through his teeth.

“I ain’t been here since I wuz a lil’ sapling. Don't ‘member any of this crap.”

“Are you sure you could see over the dashboard?” Zeb threw back his head and laughed.

“Go fuck yerself.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” The big lasat covered his mouth with his hand and snickered.

Puggles hmmmf’ed. “I’ve been off planet and I never seen a sinners paradise like dis.”

“You keep on bounty hunting and I’m sure you will. Maybe you’ll get lucky and be offered a job in Coruscant.”

“ Lucky. Oh yeah, sure. Thee lower levels of Coruscant iz a killers’ paradise.”

Puggles changed the subject.“Where is we going t’ git the doodad for pa’s tractor?”

Zeb smiled proudly. “Just so happens I have access to the parts depot near the guards barracks.”

Puggles went silent, as if he was in a trance. He blinked his eyes. A wicked smile unfurled across his face.

“That means yew has access t’ the munitions depot too. Don’t yew?”

Zeb’s hands shifted nervously on the steering yoke.

“N-no. Of course not. I’m not authorized to go in there.”

“Yew iz lying cuzz. I kin always tell. Yer nose gits all pink and twitchy. Course It don’t happen much, since yew is such an honest soul.”

“As opposed to you.”

“Yep, as ‘posed t’ me.” Puggles raised and lowered his brows in quick succession. Goading his younger cousin.

Zeb stopped at a signal. Three attractive older females with fantastically coiffed hair crossed the street in front of him. All three were walking tiny, white-furred  oorvarks  with gemstone encrusted collars.They waved and lowered their eyelids in a flirtatious manner. When they were out of ear-shot Zeb turned to face Puggles and grabbed up the front of his shirt.

“Let’s get one thing straight. . . CUZZ. This isn’t a fireworks buying expedition. There’ll be no bombs, no thermal detonators,  no percussion grenades, no flares, no flash-bangers , no detonite, and no rocket launchers! NOTHING!”

Puggles pulled back and brushed off the front of his old flannel shirt.

“ Of all thee in-dig-nitties! I swear Zebediah, military life has made yew as ornery as a croaker eel!! I just wanted a little sooveneer.”

“I’ll buy you a tee-shirt.”

Puggles mumbled under his breath. How dare his little cousin treat him like some kind of infant cub! He had half a mind to throw a fit, one that would embarrass Zeb to his core.

The speeder approached a busy establishment named the Tooth and Claw. It looked warm and inviting with its polished wood balistrades and stairs. A brawny male wearing the same type of skin-suit that Zeb wore had another male in a tight headlock out front. The trapped male didn’t seem distressed in any way. He laughed as he went to his knees and flipped his assailant over his shoulder. Both lasats stood up and patted each other on the back then lifted their huge ale mugs from a small table to the side of the stairs. Puggles clapped his hands and licked his parched lips.

“It’s a bar Zeb! Pull over! I could really use a beer!”

“Oh, I don’t know Puggles. You’ve been drinking a lot lately.”

“What iz yew, mah ma?”

“No. I just worry about you that’s all. Besides, we don’t have time.”

“We have time fer one beer!”

Zeb knew if he didn’t give in, his cousin would continue to harp about the weapons depot. He listened to the crowd inside the establishment.  Clinking glass and raucous  laughter spilled out the doorway. The laughing turned to cheering. It was the toeball finals, and Zeb knew that some of his mates were inside. He looked at Puggles who was practically salivating.

“Okay. First of all, here in the Capital, it’s called a pub. Second, ONE beer. Then we leave. I think I should warn you. There are some first-year honor guards in there. Like me. They get pretty rowdy. Especially when they’re watching sports.”

“I hate sports.”

“Yeeeah, maybe don’t mention that.”

Zeb parked the speeder around back. He and Puggles stretched their legs and headed for the front door. As soon as they entered the pub, a whole table of green skin-suited males jumped up, whooping and hollering.

“Hey it’s good old Orrelios! ”

“The Zebster!”

“What’s up Zebby?”

“Come over here mate! The Shocktown Royals are knocking the stripes off the Burrndock Howlers!!”

Zeb waved. Puggles was off like a rocket before his cousin could make introductions. He jumped up onto the bar’s foot-rail–squeezing between two big graybeards smoking their pipes–and banged on the wood planked bar.

“ Anyone here? Someone pour me a cold one! No foam now, ye hear?”

The tender stepped out of the shadow. She was almost eight feet tall and as wide as the two graybeards combined. Her hair was an enormous blue bush and her chin was as square as a box.  A dark mole stood out on her right lower cheek like a bullet wound. The cobalt stripes on her impressive biceps were as wide as one of Puggles’ legs. A fat cigar dangled from her lower lip.

“Didja say something, love?” She said in a surprisingly pleasant voice.

Puggles stared up at her boulder-sized breasts and lava-hued eyes and let out a gasp of genuine admiration. He fluffed out his jaw fringes.

“Great Bearded One! If yew ain’t the most stunning creature of thee female sex I’ve seen in this blasted city! Howz about yew pour me a cold one an we kin step out back for a spell.”

Panicking, Zeb and two of his mates rushed the bar. ‘Tiny Teeks’ the bartender picked up a heavy glass mug. She looked like she was planning to smash Puggles’ in the mouth.

“I don’t like blokes funnin’ with me, Short-shanks!” She said.

“I ain’t funnin’ you Big Blue! I likes what I sees!”

The square-jawed female looked at Zeb, who had a pleading look in his eyes. She put down the mug. “Orrelios, ye came in with this little squirt. Is he for real?”

“Unfortunately he is. He fancies himself a ladies-male. He’s my uhh. . well you see, he ah..that is, me and him are. . .

“Cousins, Teeks!” One of Zeb’s squadmates–a few-years older male named Gron– shouted. “That’s Zebby’s hill-trekker cousin! The one he’s always talking about.”

“Well I’ll be a korsa’s dewlap.” Teeks said with a snicker. “Don't see the family resemblance.”

“Hit cain’t be seen on thee outside gorgeous. Our fam’ly’ semblance iz our love-makin' talents.  Iddent that right, Zebadiah? Us Trodds iz natural born kit-magnets!”

“Oh Gods and Ancestors . . .” Zeb blushed while his friends fell on the floor laughing. He wanted nothing more than to shrink down to the size of a flea and disappear into a crack in the wall.

“Puggles, would you shut your-

Zeb didn’t finish his sentence. Horns blared from the holovid player speaker. They were proceeded by the roars of a couple thousand spectators. Lasats in the pub went wild. Teeks jumped up and down and clapped her hands. “GOOOOAAAAAAALLL!!! Oi, did ya see it boyos? Xaniboor’s ball flew into the net faster than a mynock flying out of th’ inferno! GO ROYALS!!”

Teeks picked up Puggles like a rag doll and kissed him on the lips. Then she dropped him and poured him a beer. “There’s more where that came from, love! No no, put away your credits! I’m buying. I don’t know about your special talents, but you sure as dust are a good luck charm!”

“What about me, Teeks?” A dark-faced, yellow-furred guard asked in a whining tone. “I’m your best customer!”

The big female frowned. “Squints, I wouldn’t piss in ye pocket if ye was dying’ of thirst. I heard what y’ said about me! That me arse is bigger than any of the arses in the Capital Zoo.”

“That wasn’t me! It was Bear.”

“Sure, sure. And I’m th’  bleedin’ Queen!”

Puggles puffed out his chest and walked jauntily toward the table where Zeb had re-seated himself. Noticing that there was no chair available for him, he dragged one from the next table over and shoved it between Zeb and another young male. The  soldiers were talking–more like gossiping–about what seemed like a very serious incident.

“. . .so she snuck out, again, and met Lorrbskr  in the priest’s gardens.”

“I don’t believe that.” Zeb said, shaking his head. “Lorrbskr’s got a good career ahead of him. His whole family is military. He could be General some day.”

Squints made a funny sound with his nose.“You know how the Princess is. Always flirting. Always sneaking out. Getting blokes into trouble is a sport for her.”

“But, her guards. How does she keep giving them the slip?”

“She’s as slick as snot, that one.”

“ Lorrbskr's going before a review committee. Karabast, I wouldn’t want to be in his shin guards.”

Zeb sat back and took a drink of his ale. He burped against his fist.

“You guys are jumping to conclusions. He was probably at the temple to pray for his sick mother. The Princess saw him from her window, climbed out and comforted him. You gotta admit her life has to be pretty boring. She’s not allowed to have a suitor, can’t go anywhere without a chaperone. Hells, the Queen probably picks out her wardrobe and food and everything.”

Puggles rolled his eyes.

“Yew fellers iz thee most borin’ stiffs I’ve ever met. Gossiping like a flock a’ hens. I’m gonna go play spinner darts.”

“You do that.” Zeb growled.

The little lasat ditched his chair and padded up to the bar. Teeks had a cold one waiting for him.

“Ye really should have some of the stout. It’ll hit ye in a most pleasant way.” She said, winking one orange eye.

“Darlin’, if beer was meant t’ be warm ittid be served in a soup bowl.”

                                                                             ~

Zeb watched Squints shuffle a nudie sabbacc deck.

“You in?” The yellow and brown lasat grinned.

“Sorry, no. We can only stay for a little while. Gotta get a part for my adoptive father’s tractor then drive back to Needlesap County before it gets dark.”

“No pressure mate. Hey uh, Zebby, me and the boys were meaning to ask you something.”

The other young guards turned away from the toeball game and stared at Zeb.

“What?”

“You know Captain Zanku is going to retire soon. Do you think you might try to claim his position?”

The purple lasat widened his eyes. He visibly swallowed. “ Me? Captain? I dunno. I mean I’ve thought about it. Maybe years down the road.”

“Come on. You'd make a great one! Right boys? That would be wiz! You as our Captain!”

Everyone nodded in excited agreement.

“Mnnn. The trials though. I’d have to get in top shape. Physically and mentally.”

“What are you talking about?  You’re already there!  Strong as a gnapstrup and sharp as a dirk. You passed your first trials with flying colors. Hells, you know more about military history than Zanku himself.”

Zeb put his hand behind his head and rubbed his neck. “Yeah. He made me regret correcting him on the dates of The Battle of Kisgothi.”

“Latrine duty sucks nodge-gobs doesn’t it?”

“Sure as shit does!”

The two lasats laughed until tears came to their eyes.

Gron slapped Zeb on the shoulder. “You got my vote, Orrelios. Karabast, you’ve got all our votes.” He raised his mug and the others at the table did the same.

Everyone in the pub clapped their hands over their ears when an ear-splitting shriek sounded high above the din. A surge of ugly, gray-green smoke boiled out of the back room. Puggles Trodd bolted through the smoke, his ears flat and his eyes enormous.

“Zeb! Let’s go!!” He screeched as he bounded across table-tops.

“Puggles? Is- is that one of your smoke screamers?”

“Stop wid thee questions and run!” Puggles shouted drunkenly.

“Why?”

“Y’ know a big dude wid a gray cape and a green bo-rifle?

“Yeah. That’s our Captain.”

“Well, I hit him in thee forehead wit a dart. Right smack tween th’ eyes. Don’ worry, he’s still kickin’.’”

Zeb’s eye twitched. As his friends ran for the door, he grabbed Puggles, threw him over his shoulder and sprinted outside. He tossed the little lasat into his speeder’s passenger seat and leapt into his own. The engines roared to life. Zeb floored the accelerator, fishtailing, then careening out into the street. He banged on the steering yoke.

“I knew it. I knew something like this would happen!” He turned in his seat and watched pub patrons spill out onto the sidewalk, coughing and clutching their pained ears. He hoped beyond hope that his friends would keep Puggles’ identity a secret.

“That’s it. We’re getting the part and we’re out of here! I am never taking you to the Capital again as long as I live!”

Puggles crossed his arms and grumped.

“Suits me jus’ fine. I nebber wanted t’ come here in the first place. Stupid dart. Spinner must’a been warped.”

“The only thing that’s warped is you!” Zeb snarled, so venomously it made Puggles start.

“How much did you have to drink back there? Hmm? Five, six?”

“ Seven. I din’ pay for them if that’s what’s eatin’ ya. I still has all my money.”

“Karabast! I don’t care about the blasted money!”

Puggles slammed his small fist on the dash. “Honestly Zeb, I cain’t fer the life a’ me figger  you out. Why is yew is so bowed up?”

Zeb chewed his lip. His anger swelled anew.

“ Because you’re a disgusting alcoholic and you refuse to see it!”

There came an uncomfortable silence. The gentle thrum of the speeder’s engine sounded like a roar in Zeb’s ears.

Shocked and hurt, Puggles turned over in his seat. His body was slumped against the door and his ears were drooping. A minute went by before he spoke. His voice was devoid of emotion.

“Yew jus’ keep on beein’ perfect Zeb. Show us pathetic losers what it’s like t’ be a livin’ god.”

Yeeeah, hopefully it will take me less than sixteen weeks to put up part three. 

[barfzal]

tag game

i got tagged by my good pal @h-ockey and bc i love her i will totally do this. also i never do this much anymore, so i’m nervous don’t judge me.  

rules: answer the questions, then add one of your own! tag 5 people to do it too!

1. who is your idol(s)?

i don’t know if i have one? i guess i really admire like michelle obama and toni morrison, and i don’t think i’ll ever be as impactful as them, but they’re some incredible women. i just also temporarily fall in love with all black women so that’s that. 

2. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

i guess i’d probably want to go to like greenland. i’d love to hike, go snowmobiling, stuff like that.

3. what decorates the walls of your room?

i have a chalkboard above my desk just with like my workout schedule, therapy appointment, big assignment/test dates stuff like that

a led zeppelin poster tapestry thingy 

a wooden sign of illinois 

a little rock on hand cross stitch 

a felt letter board with proverbs 16:24 on it 

a little art print 

4. favorite color combination?

i’m a big fan of dark blue and orange. i love the bears color scheme i just don’t know why haha. 

i mostly just wear black, white, olive green though 

5. what’s on the top of your bucket list?

ever since i was like nine, i’ve wanted to adopt a baby haha, so that’s a big bucket list/goal thing 

6. height?

5′7″ otherwise known as a giantess in heels and platforms haha 

7. favorite animal?

elephants!! i just want to kiss every elephant right on their cute lil trunks 

8. what’s the last song you listened to?

shut up kiss me by angel olsen 

9. how many/what kind of pets do you have?

omg i have a sweet 13 year old puppy named buster. he’s a puggle (pug + beagle) and he’s the most precious thing i’ll never shut up about it. 

10. last movie you saw in theatres?

once upon a time in hollywood! 

11. comfort food or favorite food?

mac and cheese or like any pasta. carbs has never hurt my feelings. 

12. why did the chicken cross the road?

i dunno man, you gotta ask the chicken 

13. book you’re currently reading?

stay sexy and don’t get murdered by karen kilgariff and georgia hardstark 

14. your favorite season and three things you like about it?

fall (but also winter) 

i love wearing my big sweaters that i can tuck my knees into and napping while burning fall candles 

i love the haunted houses, pumpkin carving and scary movie marathons

hocus pocus?? halloween town?? absolutely

the food! pumpkin pie, pumpkin rolls, apple cider donuts, hot apple cider, spiced chai lattes give it all to me 

15. you are about to get into a fight, what song comes on as your soundtrack?

oof like i hate fighting. i hate verbally fighting and i’ve never gotten in a physical fight, but i guess if i have to fight like bulls on parade by rage against the machine would be good 

16. (+1) if you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first thing you would buy yourself?

gosh i don’t know. i think i’d just pay off my education all the way and set it aside for that, and maybe buy my mom a new car since i took the one she likes haha. 

17. (+1) what fictional world would you want to live in?

oh my god the 6th grade loser in me would never shut up if i didn’t say twilight. listen vampires are cool, and i guess wanted to fuck one lmao. like don’t give a girl about to hit puberty a book with a vampire fucking a girl so hard she got bruises because that’s how u turn into a sub. 

18. (+1) if you had to learn a completely new language, what would it be?

i’d love to fully grasp italian because it’s so hot? like i once heard a girl speak italian fluently in college and had a sexual identity crisis. but i’d also like love to learn german and swedish. 

19. (+1) if you could only choose one celebrity or athlete to make out with who would it be? 

okay i’m gonna tag @bnebishop, @lilburky, @hmmmleafs, @m00nlightdelights, @vitosfangirl, and also @laurelp

[jace-the-writer-guy]

Has April meet Hera yet?

April smiled as she and Star gave the puggle wuggle some much deserved headpats when Pyrrha left her in their care while team JNPR were on a mission. "Yeah, we met her a while ago after she Pyrrha brought her with her an' her parents to my house. Pyrrha's dad is one o' dad's friends an' Pyrrha tagged along one day an' brought this lil' fluffball."

"And she's so freaking cute~" Star giggled while Hera accepted the attention and panted happily from it, her eyes closed.

[wildwcmen]

FIFTEEN QUESTIONS, FIFTEEN MUTUALS

tagged by: @erroda​ tagging: YOU!!!!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? my grandmother!! her name was elizabeth starr and i’m PISSED that i didn’t get her middle name, too.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? hmmm probably a few days ago. maybe even today? i’m a cry baby!!!

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? no!! someday, hopefully

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? hmmm....i don’t think so??? maybe i do. roni isn’t awake for me to ask. i’m definitely a smart ass, though.

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? voice and energy!! i’m really awkward about eye contact and looking at people

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR? blue grey sometimes a lil green

SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING? happy endings

ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? my elbows are double jointed  and sometimes i can blow smoke rings

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? maine

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? working, napping, eating, cooking, buying cute dresses, buying too much starbucks, writing, reading, yoga, meditation, being a boring bitch

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a puggle named ringo

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY / HAVE YOU PLAYED? I CANNOT !!!!

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′7″

DREAM JOB? my current business IS my dream job! i help people heal their relationship with self to build their dream relationship with their dream partner. it gives me SO MUCH JOY to help people come into a healthier mind and heart set and i really, really love what i do. and then i play a bunch of emotional trainwreck characters on this blog to make up for how perfect i am in my personal life. (just kidding)

FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL? english or snack time hehehe. 

[thestarsage]

This is my lil puggle named Brownie! We got her when I was 10. My mom didn't want a dog but now they are inseparable and its adorable. She loves the beach and potatoes! All potatoes, especially sweet potatoes!!! She eats anything that smells like food. She is a sweet little pudge who is v affectionate to people she loves. Her back legs have been getting progressively worse over the past couple years so she takes medicine and CBDs to help her. She turns 10 this coming May and she is getting a doggy cake courtesy of me! (Oops that was long)

Hey anyone wanna send me pictures of their cute pets and tell me about them? ;w; 💕

I’m sad and missing my kitty.

I could use a pick-me-up

[allchokedup]

A week ago today we went to an adoption center with some friends just tryin' to pet some cats and see some dogs in the process. While walking around we saw this super cute, sad lil Puggle sitting in a crate and that night and the next day we couldn't stop thinking about her and decided we needed to go back and see her. We went back to the center and adopted her on Tuesday and took her home that night! They think she's about 7 years old and she was rescued from a puppy mill. She gets along just fine with Boo Boo, is learning that potties go outside, and is finally feeling what it's like to have a home with people who love her and want her around. She's a great addition to our home and although we've got some work to do, we are so happy to have her. 🐶💕

[saltinerunner45]

1-104 😅

ASK ME THINGS1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? I don't even know what I would say2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?Nothing lol3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Yes4. Is your last name longer than six letters?75. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Sober6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yep7. What does your last received text say?:P8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Idk9. Where was your last kiss at?At their house10. When is the last time you saw your sister?2 days ago11. What do you drink in the morning?Water12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?They can be, but not necessarily14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?A few things yeah15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Na16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Sunny, or warm rain17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?My brothers​ and best friend lol18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Pajama19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?Probably20. Does anyone like you?No21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?I don't think so22. Is the last person you kissed gay?Well their not straight23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Yes24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Of course. I need to see if I'm allergic to the ink first25. In the past week have you cried?Yeah26. What breed was the last dog you saw? A puggle27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Both28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Nope29. Do you think you’re old?Compared to my friend group30. Do you like text messaging?It's better than talking on the phone. If I talk to you on the phone for over 2 minutes your lucky31. What type of day are you having?Just woke up so we'll see32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?No33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Warm34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Very much35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?A relationship36. Are you a simple or complicated person?I think I'm simple37. What song are you listening to?N/a38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Most of the time, but that doesn't mean "I'm sorry I did something"39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Rachel40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Oh fuck. Well she was one of those people where she walks into the room and you just can't take your eyes off of her. And then we had an in depth conversation about LOTR, and she tried to ease everyone's pain.41. When did you last receive a text message?5 min ago42. What is wrong with you right now?Where to start lol43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Very well44. Does anyone disgust you?Yes45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Probably not46. Are you in a good mood right now?Na, depressed47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My boss48. What color shirt are you wearing?Red49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yeah, even if they didn't straight up say it50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Na51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?No52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?I stopped talking to my best friend for months cause he was doing drugs53. Do you like rain?No 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?No55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Absolutely 56. Do you like to cuddle?Very much57. Are you shy?I can be 58. Do you get along with girls? Yes59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Lol I have gone on dates with him but I haven't dated him 60. What do you carry with you at all times?My glasses lol 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Yes 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?Yes 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Yes? Maybe unofficially? 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Na, kinda shatters my heart lol65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Nope66. How old are the last three people you kissed?27, 25, 20 in descending order67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    Do them myself I guess68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    Leppard69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    No70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    Neither71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    Android72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    I don't think I have actually73. Do you like diet soda?    No74. What color are the walls in your room?    Blue75. Are you 16 or older?    Yes76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    No77. Do you have a job?    I'm a cook in a kitchen  78. What are your initials?    BM79. Did you ever have braces?    No80. Are you from the south?    Na, Massachusetts81. What does your last status on facebook say?    "Los cincos fantisticos!" Cause that was part of a team I was on and the timehop thing came up82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    No83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Idk84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    No85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    Guardians 286. Do you smoke?    No87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    I don't wear either but heels sound so satisfying88. Is your phone touch screen?    Yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Like whatever it does it does   90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    Na91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    River if it's warm92. Have you ever made out in a car?    Obviously. One of my best orgasms ever was in a car93. …Had sex in a car?    ^94. Are you single or in a relationship?    Single95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    Playing videogames96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    Idk last year's fourth of July97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    Sure98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    Yeah99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    Once100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    Nope101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    A few times. She was a whole cycle off one time because of the stress. That sucked.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    Sleazy103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    No lines, just burned this week though104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    No.

[rottingstar]

my friend was telling me how she was babysitting her niece and her puggle got a lil bit of an attitude so she had to be like NO THATS BABY and her neice has started learning words and stuff so she pointed at herself and went "baby" and guys i straight up died

[lucifers-perfect-angel]

Hello! Your Secret Santa here (I'm sorry I didn't send you anything earlier, busy weekend). I hope Monday will treat you right. I saw in your introduction that you have pets. Can you tell me about them? :D

More than happy to!My oldest right now is a 12 year old puggle named Crystal. I love her to death but she can be a bit grumpy towards my puppy. (Old dog problems *shrugs*) but she is a last fat cannolli who just wants treats and affection!My youngest is a 7 (almost 8) month old pitbull named Lucifur. We call her Luci. She's a hyper lil baby. Who is also mostly a couch potato... And thinks she's a lap dog... And who is a scaredy cat. And a big whiner. She talks to you too. It's really precious. Like little howls and arrooos to talk. She's 60 something pounds last time we weighed her a while ago. They think she'll be around 90 lbs. Satan help us this lil puppy is like a freight train. She's tackled me for affection beforeI got two cats too. Two one year old brothers. Gabriel is a lil soft baby who is a lap potato. He just wants affection and treats and Benny is a scaredy cat, literally, so he only occasionally comes to me for pets.

[findswoman]

A Star Wars OC Fic Rec List

Because OCs, in my opinion, rock and unquestionably deserve more love!

I have listed here some mighty fine Star Wars fics (and series of fics), by gifted authors I know, that feature prominent OC presence (though established characters may appear as well). Alphabetical by author’s name. All links go to AO3 unless specified otherwise. I’m always glad to add more if people have suggestions!

A few notes to begin with. First of all, if I haven’t @’d an author, it’s because I don’t know whether they have a Tumblr username or not. If you are one of those authors and you see this, feel free to let me know, and I’ll give you a proper @.

Second, there will be a “read more” cut further down where I list a few recommendations of an explicit nature. I don’t know if @’s placed behind those cuts will actually tag like they should; if not, I apologize in advance!

So, here goes!

The Itanno Clan series by aikisenshi. Chronicles the life, travels, and tribulations of a Ryn clan and their friends and loved ones. Most stories center on the Ryn Jedi healer Sennah—taken from the clan by the Jedi at a young age—and her old friend and love Danyal, a gifted musician, though some (like “Community”) focus on other OCs whose fates are joined to theirs in various ways.

Du Doompa by @apollonkondric (AO3: rktho_writes). A compelling, immersive epic exploring the lives and hardships of some of “the lowly” (the literal meaning of du doompa in Huttese) of the Galaxy. Features a diverse and well-crafted (and mosty non-Human!) OC cast. Also check out the author’s Leatherface and Amber and Idiot’s Arrays, featuring some of the same OCs.

Bad Romance and The General’s Wife  by divapilot. Mature. An “AU of an AU” in which Han and Leia’s youngest and  non-Force-sensitive daughter, Breha (Bree), negotiates and ultimately  survives an abusive marriage to General Armitage Hux. Content warning for domestic/spousal abuse.  

The Dyeke/Lil series and the Anjie Mencuri series by Ewok_Poet. The former chronicles the life and travels of a Drall artist from Sacorria, in the Correllian sector—Dyeke (who sometimes uses the assumed name Lil), who is haunted by memories of past triumphs and a past love. The latter are stories centering around a talented but quirky and very slightly Force-attuned quetarrist/singer (Human, from Naboo) as he navigates the ins and outs of love, music, addiction, and fame.

Lasat Family Slice of Life Story by @fuzzydemolitionsquad (link is to Tumblr). In which Sugar “Shoog” Trodd, older sister of the infamous Puggles, celebrates an important coming-of-age. Colorful cast of Lasat OCs. Can you tell I have a soft spot for them?

The Mandalorian Protector series by MiaMesharad. Immersive tales of Mandalorian life and culture, centered around the bodyguard Ezgi Deshra. The first story, “Welcome to Mandalore,” is structured as a travel guide, in which Ezgi guides the reader through Mandalore’s notable cities, sites, and scenes.

Several OC-centered stories by Pandora: Pale Iris (an ANH AU set in motion by an unassuming young Sacorrian woman—somewhat mature), Getting It On (a humorous Jawa courtship story), Something is shining like gold, but better (the journal of a prim, proper Naboo schoolteacher who comes to teach on Tatooine), Dutiful (a romance between a Naboo handmaiden and an imperial Crimson Guard). Really, the easiest thing to do is just to go to her AO3 “works” page and filter for “Original Character(s),” because if I try to list them all, I’ll be here for a long time.

Finally, a very few (like, two) recommendations of a more explicit nature are below the cut, for those who are interested.

Life Anew by Grayscrunchie (link is to AdultFanFiction.net). “Fill me, Son of Lasan. No one can take this moment from us.” All the hopes of the scattered, decimated Lasat people rest on an encounter between Zeb Orrelios and a beautiful, smart Lasat doctor who heads a project to repopulate the species. I don’t have much experience with explicit stories, but this one is very close to my heart.

Red Five by @jadelotusflower​. An oomphy Luke Skywalker/OC romance that began as Rogue One speculation, burgeoned into a thoughtful sequel trilogy AU, and is jam-packed with steamy love scenes! I first got to know this story in the non-explicit version posted on JCF; Valara is a wonderful match for Luke who emits combined Mara Jade and Jyn Erso vibes.

[fuzzydemolitionsquad]

Lasat family slice of life story

So I took a short vacation from one project to do a personal project, and I've found that breaking away and changing up really helps reignite passion when it comes to returning to stories that have been in the works for months . . . some even years. 

This features my Southern-mountain folk lasat oc's so if you don't reeealy like that sort of thing in the Star wars universe I totally understand. If you're interested though, I encourage a read. I'm trying to improve when it comes to writing engaging characters.

The exaggerated language/words these guys speak is part researched and part imagined. The story is a fiction-y take on old-timey Appalachian culture (space Appalachian culture?) (which I love) It's gradually gets more 'lasat' toward the end.

It doesn't have a title. Maybe someone can help?

-------------

Morning

Southeast Lasan

The sun draped a ribbon of honey-colored light over the highest ridge of the Sou Mountains, alighting the tops of the tallest greenjacket trees. A pale blue moon, flanked by its three smaller satellites, lay low in the fading-star-freckled sky.

Morning had come, and the inhabitants of every mountain home, from Sarrkey Knob to Pricklebush, were awake and bustling with activity. It was the beginning of Spring, a scant few months away from the Dust Season, and the hillfolk in these mountains had much to do. The snow had melted. It was time to plant crops and repair fences and barns. Time to pull hammerhead cow calves and build mud-and- straw nests for farrowing kalgow sows.

Shoog Trodd languished in the cocoon of her feather-down quilt. She knew it was time to get up, and also knew if she didn’t get her furry brown butt out of bed soon, her ma would certainly aid her in the process. ‘The chookens won’t gathee they’s own aigs fer us’, she’d say, waving her apron at her with a flourish.

Shoog lifted the hem of her old nightgown and looked down her skinny legs to her too-large feet and growled to herself. She wished she looked more like her older sister. Sally Trodd was built like one of those Amethyst City gals—the voluptuous ones with glossy fur and whitened fangs—who had their pictures in all the prominent fashion flimsi-mags. Sal would look good in a paper poke, if the occasion ever arose where she had to wear one.

It was Shoog’s Flowering Day, the seventeenth year since her birth, but instead of being happy, she was as glum as could be.

"Gonna have to wear the same dress fer my Flowerin’ Day that I wore fer mah last birthday. And I don’t even have m’ ears pierced. Ma and pa says I’m a woman now, but I still dress like a little ol’ kid. Wish I had some pocket money to least buy some ankle garters."

A chooky rooster crowed on the fencepost and Shoog jumped out of bed. She could hear her ma in the kitchen tossing logs into the iron woodstove. Pa was rousing too. It was customary for pa to utter a few gruff ‘karabasts’ each morning before work. He wished he had more time to enjoy the morning’s light, but soon enough he would be descending into the bowels of the G.R.Gradd-Co Quadranium Mine no. seven, and wouldn’t return home until after the sun had dipped below the mountains. The one thing he looked forward to was ma’s breakfasts, even in the lean times. Today there would be fried scrapple and eggs, sweet gorm porridge and wood-sprite mushroom preserves on last night’s leftover maize bread. And caf, strong and black.

Shoog threw an old coat over her nightdress and ran a comb through her wild hair. She hustled out of her room and trotted for the front door.

"Sugar!"

The lasat girl halted at the sound of her mother’s voice.

"Come sit a spell woodja?"

"Gotta use thee outhouse, ma!"

"I ain’t gonna take long. Sides, Puggles is in there right now."

Shoog tossed her head back and closed her eyes."Chaos, Puggles, I know we is alike, but do yew always hafta go when I need to?" 

She marched into the kitchen and sat at the Trodd family’s ancient split log table. She traced her parents initials with her claw. It was a sweet testament to their love, and had been for almost seventy years.

Ma sat down with a cup of caf and propped her strong, brown-furred arms on the table. " Shoog, I was a thinkin,’ I’d like t’ curl yer hair and pin it up with granny’s blue pearl combs fore yer cuzzins and friends show up fer yer Flowerin’ Day party. What’cha think?"

The girl’s pointed ears perked. "That sounds good ma! Kin I ask Sal to pierce my ears? "

Ma’s nasal fold wrinkled in disdain. "Yew know I dun like those. They make a young female look like a fast female."

"What’s a fast female?"

"Thee kind what runs around wid all sorts a’ males. Sparkin’ all thee time and drinkin’ likker! Yew got a reppy-tayshun to keep, Shoog."

Pa, a seven-and-a-half-foot mountain of a lasat, entered the kitchen. He set his miner’s helmet on the table, squeezed ma’s shoulders and gave her a tender nose-press. They exchanged a quick breath.

"Aww, ma, stop beein’ so old-fashioned. If my Sugar wants a cupple lil’ earrings t’ make her head look purtier, then she kin have um. It’s her Flowerin’ Day after all."

Ma was incensed. Her yellow-orange eyes bulged. She pounded the heavy table and it quivered. " Rufus Aloysius Trodd! Donchee dare step on me like that! Iffen I say no, I mean no!"

Pa poured himself a large pottery mug of caf. He quickly pressed the rim of the mug against his lips to hide his smile

Shoog sulked. Sometimes her mother was such a bogan. "Well, kin I at least go to the second-hand and look fer a dress to wear?"

Pa set down his caf. "I’m sorry darlin’. Money’s tighter than a Nemoidian’s fist right now. I still owes the comp-ny store fifty creds from last month. Maybe next year."

"Next year won’t be my Flowerin’ Day." Shoog pushed back her chair and buttoned up her coat. "Pa?" She looked at her fearsome but loving patriarch. "Is yew gonna be at my party?"

" I’m reel sorry darlin. I hafta work all day. We found a new vein a’ quadranium and the boss man want us to fill thee quota afore Secondday."

"Oh." Shoog said, deflated. "I better go git them aigs. Dun want yew to miss yer breakfast."

"That’s a good girl." Ma oiled a skillet and set it aside. "Dun bother lil’ Speckle. Jus’ let her be. Thee other hens wuz picking on her sumthing awful yesterday. I think she’s gonna die."

Shoog winced. "Figgurs. She’s my favrit. What a great day this is turnin’ out to be."

The girl slammed the screened door as she exited the house. Ma and pa looked at each other and smiled.

"Oh, I cain’t stand trickin’ her like this. Do you think she has any idear?"

"None whatsever."

Ma plucked a jar of mushroom preserves off the top shelf and set it on the table."Rufus, yew really owe thee comp-ny store fifty credits?"

"Course not. I’s jus tryin’ to fatten up our story some." Rufus growled low in his throat. It was a plaintive growl, not a scary one. "Cain’t believe my youngest girl-cub is a woman-lasat. Seems like only yesterday she wuz a little sprig, wrasslin’ oalamanders in th’mud."

"An’ Puggles will follow her in a year. Then all of our cubs’ll be growed."

"If Puggles don’ stop sparimentin’ wid them damn farcrackers he ain’t gonna make it to his seventeenth birthday. I swear, that cub’s plumb crazy."

"Yew hesh-up now Rufus. Puggles is just gittin’ out his fluster-ations by havin’ a lil’ fun. Jimbo and Jax won’t stop pickin’ on him. It’s high time they got a few whacks wid Ol’ Skinner."

Pa looked down at the infamous belt around his massive girth and chuckled. One day he’d have to hang it in the shed with the rest of the tools.

"I s’pose yer right. I jus ain’t home enough to discipline them. Heh, at least we kin be thankful Puggles ain’t buildin’ bombs. He shore does take a shine to the boomin’ don’t he? Member how much he loved thunder when he wuz a sucklin’ cub?"

Ma grinned. "Shore enough I do. All dem other cubs wood be quiverin’ under they beds, but Not Puggles. He’d climb all over his crib and giggle and sway like he were list’nin to a funny song."

" Seems like only yesterday." Pa reminisced. "I should take him down to the mine, let him watch the detonite crew at work. He’d prolly like dat."

　

                                                  * * * *

Shoog crouched in the henhouse with a full basket of eggs and Lil’ Speckle tucked inside her coat. Jimbo’s prized hen, a big blue with a row of serrated teeth in her lizard-like jaw, glared angrily at the timid chooken sticking her head out of Shoog’s collar. ‘Lola’ strutted back and forth on one of the henhouse rafters, cluck-hissing, her feathers puffed and her spur toes clacking.

"Speckle, we better git outta here afore Lola shits on us . . . or worse. I’ll keep yew in my closet, but yew gotta be real quiet when I give these aigs to ma. Deal?"

The injured chooken cocked her head. She opened her mouth and waggled her tongue, panting.

When Shoog entered the house, she carried the basket over to the wash counter and set it down. She gripped the collar of her coat, holding it close to her neck, and turned to walk to the small bedroom she shared with Sal. Ma caught her by the ear.

"Yoww!"

"Hold on there. Ain’t yew fergetting something?"

Shoog huffed in indignation. "I has to scrub them aigs on my Flowerin’ Day?"

"It’s yer chore ain’t it?"

"Yeah but . . ."

" Get scrubbin’ missy."

Shoog scowled. She looked over at Sal, who was setting the table. Sal’s eyes met her sister’s as she placed a bowl of fresh churned butter on the table. For a moment, Shoog thought she looked sympathetic.

"Now I know why yew celebrated yer seventeenth birthday in the city wid yer friends. I thought it wuz dumb, but it all makes sense now."

Ma and pa looked at each other, silent as tombs.

Shoog got down to business scrubbing the eggs, trying to keep the chooken in her coat still and quiet. She thought of The Amethyst City—The Royal City—and daydreamed about the King and Queen and their well-dressed court. She thought about the beautiful but air-headed princess, and the handsome, ginger-furred prince. He was tall, with bedroom eyes, a curled mustache and pomaded facial fringes. It was said that he had over a hundred lovers, most of them married, but Shoog didn’t believe it. No lasat, male or female, could have that many lovers! She then thought about the Royal Honor Guard, the cream of Lasan’s military force. They were hand-picked from their barracks by war-council leaders, chosen for their agility and strength and smarts. Shoog couldn’t deny how good the male soldiers looked in their form-fitting armorweave suits, complete with capes, helmets and bo-rifles. A burst of painful pleasure electrified the pit of her belly and she forced herself to think of other things.

When she was done, she dried her hands on the dishtowel and stormed toward her room. Ma shouted after her.

"Breakfast will be ready in about a quarter-tick."

"I’m not hungry!"

Ma’s tough facade melted. She whispered to pa. " I don’ think I kin do this anymore. If I keep it up she’s gunna hate me somethin’ awful."

Pa laughed. " Why don’ yew jus’ let her have her gad-durned earrings? She’ll be as happy as a killow flying through a skeeter storm. They won’t turn her into a wicked woman. Our Sugar is a good girl."

Sal’s eyes narrowed.

Sadie snorted and her slot nostrils flared. "Fine. Mebbe I’ll git my ears pierced too. And buy me one of them low-cut gowns, like thee ones them street corner gals wear."

Sally spat out her coffee and made a high-pitched noise, like a reed-squirrel chipping. The thought of her strong, robust-figured mother in a slinky gown was impossible not to giggle at. Pa however, had a different opinion of the matter. He smoothed down his thick mane of a beard and quirked his brow salaciously.

"Yew git yerself a gown like that Sadie, and I’ll personally throw erryone of our brood outta thee house an tell em to stay away fer three days."

Sally stopped laughing. She rolled her long-lashed eyes.

"Gross, pa. Really gross."

She picked a warty-skinned tuber out of the vegetable bin, tossed it into the air and caught it.

"One set of pierced ears coming up." She said, flouncing and jiggling in a most impressive way.

*******

"I wish I wuz a chooken." Shoog said, filling a box in her closet with old handkerchiefs. Lil’ Speckle flopped around on her bedroom floor. She clucked feebly and pecked at a crumb of food that had fallen between two boards.

"Then I could just strut about, pecking and a’ eatin’ and shittin’ out aigs. I wouldn’t have to worry bout being a Gods-dammed loser on my Flowerin’ Day."

"Aren’t you being a bit dramatic?" Sally said, slinking into the room like a brown-furred Goddess. "It’s hardly the end of Lasan. And you better be careful. Ma will give you the back of the brush if she hears you cursing."

Sally had practiced long and hard to speak like a ‘proper’ lasat, ridding herself of that ‘inherited common-human inflection.’ The humans had left Lasan over a millennia ago, but the ancestors of those lasats who neighbored with them in the mountains still spoke the speak.

"Ooh Shoog, what do you have there? A chooken? Are you, as they say, ‘a’fixing to rile ma up?"

" Cakkhh! Shoog spat-snarled. Stop beein’ so damn snobby. It’s annoyin’! Like it or not, you is a hilltrekker jus like the rest of us, and yew always will be. And yes, it’s a chooken. If stupid Jimbo kin bring his precious Lola in th’ house, I dun see no good reason why I cain’t keep Speckle."

On any other day, Sally would jump Shoog for her insolence. The two would engage in a howling, clawing, hair-pulling battle until ma came bursting in to give their bottoms’ a good beating. But today was Shoog’s special birthday. Sal decided to let it go. She sat down on her bed, rolled onto her belly and folded her arms under her chin. She stared at her sister, a tooka’s grin on her face. "So, how do you feel you little nerf? Different?"

"Why would I feel diff’rent?" Shoog lifted Lil’ Speckle into the box and checked her wounds.

" Because you’re a ‘wahmerr’ now. Sally enunciated the Illasano word for ‘woman.’

"Don’ feel like no wahmerr."

" I mean, what do you think about the jackbeards around these parts? They give you the belly tingles yet?"

Shoog flushed. "Sometimes. But Hells, half of the boys round these parts have scrawny beards and bony shoulders."

"True. However, there’s a handsome jack visiting the Boggs. A dark blue striper without a tail. And he has a nice beard coming in." Sal sighed wistfully. "Wonder who he is and where he comes from?"

The younger girl shrugged. "Dunno. I ain’t never seen him."

"If you play your sabbacc cards right, and flirt like I taught you, he might be your boyfriend . . ." Sal said in a sing-song voice.

"Bogan’s balls, I don’ want no boyfriend. I ain’t ready fer all that. I still sleep wid that howler bear toy granny made me when I wuz five."

"I know. And you still suck your thumb."

"I do not! That’s Puggles!"

"Well, I don’t sleep in Puggles’room."

Shoog was about to make a retort when Sally held up the tuber in her hand.

"Why you got that tater? Is yew gonna throw it at me?"

" No, dummy. Ma finally took pity on you. She’s going to allow me to pierce your ears. See the yellow glass studs on my dresser? Those are for you. I liked them when I bought them, but yellow’s not really my color. Happy Flowering Day, Twig."

Shoog squealed. She hopped up onto Sal’s bed and jumped around like a jitter-tick on a hot speeder engine.

"Is yew serious?"

"Serious as a snake-bite. Now stop jumping. That’s all I need is for you to break my bed and have ma thinking me and some jack did it!"

" Ok, sorry." Shoog leapt down. She rocked on her footpads. Her eight toes kneaded the rug beside the bed.

There was a knock at the bedroom door and ma came in, a clean kitchen towel in her hand.

"Here’s the knife fer the tater and a biled safety pin. Yew sure yew know how to do this Sal?"

"Yes ma. I’ve pierced so many of my friends’ ears I’m practically a professional."

"Land a muddlin’ I shore hope so."

Shoog ran to her mother and squeezed her ample waist. "Thank yew, mama, thank yew!!"

"Alright child, alright." Ma held her out at arms length and looked at her. A tear formed in the corner of her eye. "Don’t yew come cryin’ to me if they get infected, ya hear?"

"I won’t."

Ma wiped her eyes with her apron and stood against the doorframe, watching. Sal cut the potato and set it on the clean towel then got the studs. She put them down and looked around. "Do we have any alcohol, ma?"

" Kingdom a’ Ashla and thee Great Bearded One!! No we don’t."

"I can’t do this unless I disinfect everything."

Shoog whined. "Aww, I knew this wuz too good to be true." She threw herself on her bed and crossed her arms like a petulant toddler. She glanced up. A green-bellied arach was spinning a red web on the ceiling.

"Spahder in the house!" She shouted. "Bad luck, bad luck, bad luck be gone!"

Ma ignored Shoog. "I know! Hold on a second."

She left and returned with a jar of clear, sky-colored liquid.

"That’s pa’s blue lightning!" Sal blinked her eyes, shocked. "He and Mossy only made a small batch this year. If he finds out we used it for. . ."

"What he don’ know won’t rile him. Sides, yer only gonna use a little." Ma handed Sal the jar.

The lasat girl unscrewed it and the potent vapors almost knocked her over. She dipped the clean towel in the jar and wiped it all over her hands. Then she wiped the studs. Shoog sat up and held her mid-section. Fairy-bats were flittering around in her belly.

"You ready? Sal held up the safety pin.

"It ain’ gonna hurt a lot is it?"

" Ashla, Shoog. All that whining and now you’re scared? Janey’s the biggest coward in these hills and she let me pierce her ears."

"I know but . ."

"It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s more like a little pinch than anything. Besides, I’m fast. Just close your eyes and hold your breath and it’ll all be over before you know it. Here, hold your growly-bear."

Shoog took the worn stuffed animal and pushed it against her face. Sally moved to her sister’s bed. She gripped her ear and stretched it thin over the potato. Ma steepled her hands in front of her mouth.

Sal stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth and squinted. Her piercing hand hovered over her sister’s ear. "Okay Shoog, little pinch. One. . . two. . . THREE!"

She skewered her sister’s pinna with one punch and removed the tuber.

"That’s it. I’ll leave it in there and let it stretch the hole out a bit."

Shoog removed the bear from her face. "That’s it? I hardly felt that a’tall! Do the other one!"

"Hold your krauntauns. I’m wiping the pin."

Sally pierced Shoog’s other ear and pushed the studs through. Shoog ran to the mirror to admire her sister’s work. The earrings were beautiful, like scintillating dew drops touched by the sun. Ma brushed and curled her daughter’s thick, dark brown hair and dabbed a drop of tinted gloss on her lips. "Look up." She said as she applied two coats of mascara to her lashes. Sal tried to be helpful when she offered Shoog one of her too-small short skirts and a tiny top. Ma vetoed them the moment they exited the closet. She walked her daughter over to the dresser mirror and stood behind her.

"Wooo." Shoog leaned forward and studied the visage staring back at her. "I dun look half bad."

"You look a’might purty if yew ask me." Ma kissed her cheek. " Now rest up a spell. Thee guests should start arrivin’ by sunhigh. I’m gunna go pay yer aunt Daizee a call. Bring her some tack-biscuits and sweet-nettle tea. That baby inner is making her as sick as an anooba in a melon patch."

"Well it is an Orrelios." Sal said, her eyes downcast.

"Hesh-up. I don’t want none of that talk outta you ‘round Daizee, yew hear?"

"Yeah, I hear."

******

Sugar Trodd dreamed that the prince of Lasan had invited her to the Royal Palace. Naturally, he was infatuated with her at first sight. Never had he seen such a delicate mountain flower. He compared her eyes to the torch-fires of Izrothir , her lips to a fount of heady wine and her small breasts to a pair of decadent Aztecan chocolate truffles. He found himself mad with passion and he couldn’t help but beg her to be his wife. Shoog smiled in her slumber when he breathed into her ear and nuzzled her temple with his lips. She traced the prince’s handsome brow-ridges with her fingertips and put her hands on the back of his head. She drew him in close, touching her snub nose to his. They shared a life-breath and then connected in a kiss. . .

The sounds of a gathering crowd whisked the prince away into obscurity. Shoog woke with a snort. She jumped out of bed and drew back her curtain to look at a large gathering of women-lasats arranging food on a long plank table in front of the house. Some she recognized, like her aunts and cousins and friends, but some she didn’t. Did her cousins and friends invite friends of their own?

Wood in the brick fire pit burned hot, and the mouth-watering smell of roasting prongnose wafted in through her bedroom window. She closed the curtain with a swift pull.

"Karabast! That’s all fer me? All that food and all them people?" She knelt in front of the chest at the foot of her bed and frantically pulled clothes from it. Lil’ Speckle looked at her with sleepy-hen eyes, then, unfazed, drank from the water dish Shoog had provided her.

"There ain’t nothing in here worth wearing, cept mebbe this fancy sweaterdress. Uhhggh, No!" She threw it down. "It too hot outside fer that!"

She sat back down on her bed and agonized over her choices. Then,

"You know what? Ma and Sal went through a lot of trouble to make me feel good. Least I kin do is be ‘preesh-ative. That ol’ dress a mine ain’t so bad. Hells, nobody will recognize it from last year. I hope."

Shoog wriggled into her slip and tossed the old blue dress on. It was a little tighter and shorter than she remembered. Was it possible she did that much growing in one year? She buttoned it up.

She went to the mirror and combed her curls, then put on another dab of gloss and rubbed her lips together. Ma came into the room, a colorful box tucked under her arm.

"Oh, Sugar darlin’ that old dress won’t do. Not fer yer flowerin’!"

"It’s not a bad dress ma. An’ look, it fits me better this year!"

"I dunno," Sadie rubbed her furry chin. "What do yew think Daizee?"

Aunt Daizee’s purple-striped face peered into the room. She was a pretty lasat, pretty as a jogan, but a lack of sleep and constant morning sickness had hollowed her cheeks and darkened the sockets of her eyes.

"I reckon it’s okay. But I think you’d like what’s in the box better."

Shoog’s heart skipped a beat. She eyed the colorful package tucked under her mother’s arm and her mouth dropped open. She felt like a magnet drawn to metal.

"Happy Flowerin’ Day my darlin’." Ma handed Shoog the package. It was wrapped in pink foil paper and tied with a big white bow. Shoog whistled through her front teeth.

"That’s the nicest wrappin’ paper I’ve ever seen in my whole life! I don’ wanna rip it."

"Oh go ahead, rip it!" Sal said, coming into the room.

"No. It’s too purty to waste. I kin use it again." Shoog sat cross-legged on her bed with the box on top of her knees. She was dying to see what was inside.

After carefully removing the bow and paper she removed the box top and unfolded the dish towel containing her present. She held her hands to her mouth and gasped. Inside, was an elegant strapless dress the color of fresh-churned butter. Shoog lifted it out of the box. It had a scalloped front and was gathered at the waist. The opening in back, plunging to mid spine, was laced with delicate yellow ribbons.

"Great Bearded One, if this ain’t the purtiest dress I ever did see!" She held it up in front of her and twirled. "And strapless too! Ain’t this gonna make me look ‘fast’ ma?"

" Yer auntie says it’s an elegant dress. It ain’t meant t’ make yew look fast. Hit’s meant t’ make yew look like a lady."

"It’s gorgeous, Shoog." Sal said with a hint of jealousy.

*********

Shoog greeted her guests. They oohed and aaahed and told her to turn around. Great aunts pinched her cheeks and friends and cousins made big productions out of her new look. They ‘Oh my Godded’ and ‘You’re so luckyed’ her so much, she felt like a celebrity. When she slipped away for a second to get some pucker-fruit punch she looked into the throng of lasats and felt her face contort into a confused frown.

Where were all the males?

Every guest, except for the youngest cubs, were female.

Shoog saw her eldest sister Mae placing a bowl of rarrcot and swamp-plum salad on the table. She went up to her.

"Hey mama Mae."

" There she is! The belle of the ball. The most beautiful girl here. And to think, yew were a rough-and tumble little jack-boy the last time I saw yew."

"Aw, I’m still a jack-boy. I ain’t never gonna stop huntin’ and fishin’ wid pa, or stop wrasslin wid the fellers."

"Yew might wanna reconsider that last one." Mae said, wiping the rim of the bowl with a wet cloth.

"Uhm, speaking of fellers, where’s all th’ males at? I ain’t seen a peek of Jimbo or Jax or Muss or Puggles. Not even Mawsy. And there’s beer here, I know it!"

"I’m sure they’re around. Somewhere." Mae winked and tweaked Shoog’s chin. She turned at the sound of a grating female voice. "Oh, I see someone invited that ol’ loon-cootie Lottie Bingo. She’s prowbly thumping the Great Bearded One’s book, preachin’ about the sins of the flesh and fur." She frowned. "Bless her heart. Well, excuse me darlin,’ I have to find some more cutlery. I brought my wedding set of aurodium plate, great-Aunt Tilda and Winnie did too, but a lot more lasats than we anticipated turned up to see yew flower."

Shoog hugged her sister and skipped off. She joined her friends and kin on the grassy hill behind the barn and stood in a long line. They played malogi’-majlogo, a once-competitive game that was rumored to come from the fabled planet of Lirasan. Most historians and lasopoligists believed all lasats living on Lasan came via a human transport over three-thousand years ago, as no bones found in middens were any older. Lasats had to come from somewhere. Perhaps the legend of Lirasan wasn’t so far fetched as many once thought.

The girls clapped their hands loudly, calling out the name of the first girl in line. Cousin Hildi stepped out of line and performed a dance she had conjured up the night before. She flapped her arms like a killow and stood high on her toes and cartwheeled until he landed on her tail. Laughing, she skipped her way to the end of the line. Next was Sally. Her dance—though impressive— was as predictable as it was sensuous, and was hard to clap to. Other girls followed, each one with their own trademark dance style. Then came Shoog’s turn.

Pumped with adrenaline, she ran out in front of the gang of laughing girls and raised a ferocious scream so loud her younger cousins covered their sensitive ears. She crouched low and prowled and paced. She bared her fangs and popped her eyes. They burned a deep orange around their pinprick pupils. The girls went wild. They clapped in quintuple-beat, clap clap. . . clapclapclap. . . a warrish beat. Shoog knelt in the grass and shimmied her shoulders. She slapped the palms of her hands on the ground and whipped her head around then sprang from her crouch, eight feet into the air, landing in a pose reminiscent of that of a sprinter at a starting line. She stood, thrust out a bent leg and raised her face to the sky before letting out another scream. The girls were about to applaud the dance when the most blood-curdling roar they had ever heard split the air through the holler. Shoog stood up straight. A beaming smile covered her face. She knew that roar.

Coming up the rising path was a large troop of males, her father in the lead.

"Pa!" She lifted her dress and ran straight for the giant lasat, her companions not far behind. The eerie moan of traditional polished horn prong-pipes heralded the males’ entrance. The blowing of the pipes informed colonies of lasats that a clan leader was approaching. Even in the royal city they used wrought-ore versions of the ancient instruments whenever the King and Queen made an appearance.

Flanking pa were his sons. Rufus jr. and Zelbert. Muss and Naylor. Jax and Jimbo and Puggles. Even Trapper, who spent most of his life in solitude in the high mountains. As she got closer, Shoog saw Mossy, and also cousin Zeke and Bubba. A phalanx of other kin and family friends followed behind. Shoog leapt at her father who caught her in a hug then hoisted her up onto his shoulder. They marched through the crowd of women-folk and stood at attention in the yard. On the porch, pa’s well-fed anooba Gracie horrked and slobbered and ran her tongue over the jutting spade of a tooth in her lower jaw. She galloped up to Rufus and stood upright, putting her long-clawed paws on his chest. Mossy grabbed a beer from a washtub and cracked it open on the beastly creature’s tooth. The young boys in the crowd laughed.

The male lasats were dressed in their finest woodsmen-warrior garb, which included sleeveless, multipocketed jerkins and arm bracers with pouches. They wore gray prongnose-wool skilts—with clan colors and designs around the bottom— and leather codpieces and knife sheaths. Most bore two bandoliers that crisscrossed their chests and each male carried an impressive arsenal of weapons. Pa’s old rifle was slung across his back and two throwing axes hung at his hips. Whip-killow feathers wreathed his bony dome, and his face, already fearsome, was painted white, like a skull. There were males with shining daggers and lacquered bats. Males with falchions, slugthrowers and plasma spitters, pole-bows, maces and spears.

Each male was fearsome and striking, even little Puggles, whose painted face and shark-jawed visage made him look like a strangely formidable foe. The trio of smoke-screamer grenades in his bandolier also helped.

Shoog kicked Gracie’s paws off Rufus’s chest. " Don’tchu get my dress dirty y’ whip-tailed bitch. I’ll brain ye!"

A lasat in the back, pa’s friend Tabe, guffawed like a drunk at a circus.

"That thar is deffy-nit-ly yer pro-genny ol’ Roof! Shore as a tick loves a furry ass-crack."

"We is gonna have t’ get more beer." Ma whispered to Daizee.

The purple-striped female caressed the small bulge in her belly. "Um, or mebbe not. I’m sure some of them boys brang they’s own distillate. Hey!" She yelped. "Easy little one. Land’ a muddlin’, only five months old and she’s kickin’ like a cow!"

Shoog poked her pa’s snub nose and wiped the white paint on his jerkin. "Hey pa, why is yew fellers all fancied up an’ armed to thee teeth?"

Rufus tickled Shoog’s ear, like he did when she was small."I wuz unner thee impression they taught yew kids history in school!"

"They did! But all we loined about wuz thee portent ‘citified lasats’."

"Damn shame. Well Sugar, hits like this. Back in the day, b’fore miners and mines an’ banks and comp’ny stores, there wuz th’ Clans o’ Thee Forest. Some clans wuz small and sum clans wuz big. Our linny-age goes way back. There wuz Trodds what wuz picked to fight in thee barbarian wars."

"Oh yeah! I ‘member grampy saying somethin’ like that!"

"Anyway, prommy-nunt clan leaders wuz a’might fond of they’s kids. When a girl came of the age for broodin,’ her pa threw her a big party so young-jacks could come to show their talents and try they’s hands at wooin’.

"Hell, I ain’t gonna do no broodin, er, breedin! Not fer a long time!"

" Corse y’ ain’t! This wuz thee old days, ‘member?"

"Oh yeah. So why all the weapons?"

"Well, a Clan leader had to pertect his daughter frum jope-jacks and briggards, so he employeed his own personal army a’ kinfolk an’ frens t’ keep her safe."

" That’s purty wizard pa."

"What?"

"That’s neat."

Rufus lifted his daughter off his shoulder and set her on the ground in front of him. His face was stoic, cool and composed, but under the skin he was weeping. His hook-baiter, his lizard spooker, his fire-starter, was now a woman. Suddenly he was glad for all his faithful ‘warriors’. There were boys showing up at the party that he didn’t know. One thing was for sure. They wouldn’t want to know him if they messed with Shoog.

**********

Ma eventually broke down. From the moment she woke, she told herself that she wouldn’t cry today. She was certain her spirited and independent daughter would breeze through the ceremony without nary a sniffle or a tremor, but as the visitors crowded around the decorated stump and Rufus helped Shoog up on top of it, ma could tell her poor girl was nervous to the point of fainting. She looked so small, so vulnerable.

Pa pulled a dog-eared book out of one of his breast pockets, licked his thumb and turned the pages. The book, with its crackled parchment pages was over nine-hundred years old. It had been passed from clan patriarch to clan patriarch, and when the time came for Rufus to be bested in combat by one of his sons for title as clan leader—most likely Rufus jr.—he would pass it down as well.

Ma stood next to pa. To his other side was Shoog’s sister Hallie, the Trodd family medicine woman. She held a dipper of water with bits of maiden’s-foot fern floating in it.

Pa found the page he was looking for. He cleared his throat. He could speak old Illasano, but he was very much out of practice.

" Shrrwall mirol." He intoned. "Harrkg dasa, harrkg mojallan, miuuk ti, ti’as Sugar bilo nen dauhirra wahmerr."

(Honored guests. Beloved friends, beloved family, we today give our child-daughter Sugar to womanhood.)

" Ashla fuegolo malinta. (Ashla be near)

"Ashla fuegolo malinta!" Chanted the crowd.

" Umdayrr ti’as rrip ti’as pial." (Today she sheds her skin)

"Umdayrr ti’as comass a sharrgo!" (Today she feeds the fire!)

"Pil ti’as songerr naberskerr!" (May she be strong as a warrior.)

"Pil ti’as oovak mana." (May her womb be fruitful.)

Shoog rolled her eyes and blushed and the crowd burst out in laughter.

Jimbo parenthesized his mouth with his hands and shouted. "Dun git knocked up tonight!" Jax slapped his knee and brayed.

" Shet-up yew dumb-asses!" Shoog yelled back, stomping her foot. Pa cracked up. He took a deep breath. He had to regain his composure before continuing.

"C’mon Roof! Yew kin do it!" His brother Jethro cried.

"Ahem. . . "Pil ti’as rrrmaeso, kon hoorr’baerbo mah foshzam." (May she summon the wisdoms, the heart-knowing.)

"Chh lengg ti’as sorrvive." (As long as she walks the land.)

"Ashla glorrae." (Ashla blessed)

"Ashla glorrae." Everyone said, solemnly.

Ma was now sobbing. Daizee squeezed her shoulder.

"Well, I reckon that’s it fer the prayer." Pa said, closing the book and carefully putting it back in his pocket. Ma dabbed her streaming eyes with a handkerchief.

"Oh Rufus, that wuz beeyootiful. Absolutely beeyootiful."

Mossy came forward with a torch and set the stacked kindling wood in a pit in front of the stump on fire.

"Y’ ready Twig?" He asked Shoog.

"Ready as all ever be."

The girl-now woman reached out and took her beloved growly-bear from her father. She looked down at the crackling fire and tossed the toy in.

"Ti’a parrile a muart." (" The child is dead")

Hallie washed her sister’s hands with the fern-water.

The crowd cheered and ran forward. Many held dried snake skins in their hands which they threw on Shoog, symbolically shedding her of the remaining spirit of childhood.

"Time fer vittles y’all!’ Daizee clapped her hands and yelled. "This young’in in me is a’ chompin at thee rope!"

Everyone congratulated Shoog and ran to find a place at the main table. The prongnose was pulled out of the fire, as were fifty chookens, a pair of suckling kalgows and a haunch of beef. It wasn’t much meat, but there were plenty of side dishes brought by guests to be sampled.

Shoog watched her bear burn until nothing was left but a pair of melting button eyes. She sighed, jumped off the stump and joined the rest of the throng.

After supper, the shine came out, which meant roughhousing. A handful of guardsmen pledged to stay sober just in case the fun turned into full-blown fighting. Hallie came up to pa, a concerned look on her face.

"Don’t look now, pa. Bubba is head-sparrin’ wid uncle Bocephus. And a few other fellers."

A passel of lasat men—attended by woman with cold rags—rolled around on the ground, holding their bony craniums and groaning.

Rufus groaned as well. His hefty, good-natured nephew loved to smack skulls with other lasats, even when sober, but he often failed to think about the force behind his weight. In this county, he was reigning head-butt champion.

"Time t’ give fat-boy a spankin’. Rufus pounded his palm with his fist.

**********

The afternoon sped like a hooch-runner into the night.

Shoog excused herself from the crowd—and the boys in it who shoved to the front to ask her to dance—and found a place behind the hen-house where she could be alone. She had partaken of a few sips of snowberry wine and was feeling content and happy. Spark flies hovered beneath the branches of the old greenjacket in the yard and over the maize tassels in ma’s garden. Little cubs clambered about on the tire swing and bigger cubs climbed the tree itself, proving their bravery. She had to look twice to determine whose kids they were. It turned out they were Mae’s grandkids. She waved to them and they waved back with their sticky, cake-and-punch fingers. Puggles ambled over, a Lasan Blue Ribbon beer in his hand.

" Sum party, eh Shoog?" He drained the beer can and crushed it against his furry brow.

"That’s gonna hurt in the mornin.’Hey, how’d yew git that anyway? Yew know pa will tan yer tail if he see’s yew wif a hard drank."

"Beer ain’t a hard drank. Mossy said so."

"Ohh. If Mausee told you a turd wuz a turnip, wood yew bile it in water?"

"I reckon I woodnt."

The siblings sat in silence for a few seconds. The sounds of lasats laughing and singing and debating politics merged with the sweet melody of fiddle music. It was emanating from the barn, where lasats were dancing the night away. Some of the brawnier males took their jerkins off and performed frightening warrior dances. Everyone hooped and hollered and begged for more. Most of the males charged with ‘policing the crowd’ were asleep on the lawn or under the table, their drained jars still clasped in their hands.

"Sorry bout yer growly bear." Puggles looked up at his sister with large honest eyes. "Why didn’t yew pick something else fer the far?"

Shoog smiled at her brother and squeezed his hand. "Well, thee whole point of thee ceremony was fer me to give up m’ childhood. It needed to be a might parful symbol, something sad an’ a lil’ painful, because honestly Puggles, growin’ up hain’t all what it’s cracked up to be."

" Yew ain’t happy bout bee’in a woman-lasat?"

Shoog took another sip of her wine. "In one way, yeah, I s’pose so. I have more say in things now. But in another . . . look what I’ll be missin.’"

She pointed to the cubs in the tree, carrying on like they hadn’t a care in the world. Puggles chhuhhed.

"Beein’ a growed up means more ‘sponsibility, but yew ain’t never gotta give up on fun. That prayer pa said, hits a million-years old. It ain’t meant t’ be follered zactly the way he said it."

"Ye think so?"

"Well, dats whut I think! Shit, ahs’ll never let a-dulthood turn me into a borin’ stiff!"

Shoog got out of her chair and gave her little brother a hug. "Yew is smarter than yew give yerself credit fer."

She smiled sweetly. Then she punched him in the stomach.

"Owwww!! What’s that fer?"

"That’s fer them farworks you sent up. Honestly Puggles, Booger? You spelt my name Booger?"

Puggles gripped his belly. "Errybody else thunk is wuz funny!"

"Yeah I bet they did!" She pulled his sparse beard. He yanked her hair. They started to wrestle.

Ma and pa stood at a distance. " Yew see that Sadie? Sum things never change."

"I swear to the Bogan, ifffen she gits that dress mussed up, I’ll snatch her head bald."

Rufus turned Sadie toward him and embraced her. A devilish smile split his face.

"Why Rufus, what’s gotten into yew?"

" I wuz jus’ thinkin,’ How’s about we talk more about that strapless dress you is plannin’ to buy?"

-Finito-