#her and bob would get along methinks.

[technovillain]

Gloria Von Gouton you deserve to recover and grace the stage with your presence again queen <3

[yukiwrites]

Meeting Again, Now and Forever

Thank you for the support and patience as always, @breeachuu! I hope you like it! >v<)

Summary: After getting acquainted with the Traveler, Venti approached her for help with something as important, or even more so, than with the issue with Dvalin: He wanted to find his long-lost love, Auria, who was undoubtedly also looking for him...

Commission info HERE and HERE!

__________________________

It hadn’t been long since the Stormterror Crisis had been dealt with (not to mention how the party had to bolt out of the temple before the illusion on the Holy Lyre wore off), so Lumine -- and, by extension, Paimon -- went to Angel’s Share to rest her weary bones for a bit.

The sight that welcomed her the moment she stepped in, however, shouldn’t have been surprising, but given the state of their goodbyes just a day ago, Lumine hadn’t expected to meet Venti again so soon.

“Ah, Lumine!” The youthful bard smiled brightly once he saw the Traveler step into the tavern, cutting his performance short as though he had already been about to bring it to a close. “Good timing!”

“... What do you mean, ‘good timing’? You look like you’ve been waiting to ambush us!” Paimon crossed her tiny arms defiantly as she flew behind Lumine to snark at the Archon.

“Little old me? Why, I’d never!” Venti giggled adorably before stepping closer to the duo. “To be honest, I wanted to ask a last favor of you, but given how we got separated after our… elegant exit, I waited here!”

The way he smiled brightly could deceive many people (especially elderly), but Paimon only growled and narrowed her eyes. “What do you want NOW, Tone-Deaf Bard? We already went all over the place to help with that dragon business-”

“Paimon, it’s okay.” Lumine waved to shut the little fairy up. “If there’s anything I can help with, of course I’d want to. Is it anything serious?”

Venti smiled in a mature yet lonely way that didn’t go well with his youthful appearance -- it was perhaps the smile of an immortal being as it was confronted with its own endless life. Or perhaps it was a way to make himself seem more mysterious; there was no way for Lumine and Paimon to know.

“Actually, I’m looking for someone.” He bobbed his head to the side, walking towards the counter to sneak some alcohol into his system. “Her name’s Auria. We kind of missed each other during some time of turbulence.”

“...” Paimon sat on Lumine’s shoulder as the Traveler stood beside Venti by the counter. “That’s it? No more hints? What does the Tone-Deaf Lady Friend look like? Where did you meet last? You’re not gonna ask Paimon to look for someone without saying anything, right?”

Bluntly ignoring the talkative little fairy, Venti turned his unmatching mature smile to Lumine. “She’s my special someone; the muse I drink my inspiration from -- the one who’s been with me the longest. I keep sensing her in the wind, but it’s like we always barely miss each other.” He twirled his fingers around as a tiny current danced within his palm before he closed his fist. “Will you help me look for her, Traveler? I’m absolutely sure she’s here in Mondstadt, so the search shouldn’t take long.”

Lumine took a few seconds to nod, somehow appreciating the new side of this mysterious god as she felt the affection that dripped from his words when he spoke of Auria. Paimon shook her head once she saw the Traveler accepting yet another ridiculous request, but even she was unable to fully voice her complaint after sensing the weight of Venti’s words.

“Really?” Venti brightened up like the sun, jumping out of his seat with a spring in his step. “This calls for another song! Lo and behold, as the best bard of the land plays for all of you tonight!” He bowed extravagantly before hopping to the stage he had been earlier, a lyre ready at hand.

Lumine laughed and clapped along with the other patrons, happy that Venti’s mood seemed to have improved.

From the outside of the tavern, a young-looking girl looked up at the starry sky, wondering why the wind seemed so unstable that night…

________

Auria had been hiding amongst the humans for 500 years while she waited for Barbatos to wake up from his slumber, so she was well-versed in dealing with people; though she wasn’t one to stay in a place for long.

“Hmm, what I mean is that… why is it so hard to catch up to a single bard? I hear whispers here and there of his whereabouts, but by the time I arrive, it’s like he’s carried by the wind!” Auria grumbled under her robe which concealed her body, “of course, that wouldn’t be strange, considering Barbar’s personality…”

Sighing, the fairy-turned-sylph looked up to the endlessly blue sky. She had heard through the grapevine about those bard contests -- innumerable, considering the amount of stories to be sung by the many traveling bards in the land -- and had ignored them for two years until she had heard who had been the winner for the third year straight: A young boy named Venti.

Curse her lack of attention! What good was it to possess the power of an Anemo Vision and be clueless about the words the wind carried?

“Hahh…” Auria sighed again, kicking the dust just for the sake of it. She had heard about how Dvalin had left Mondstadt -- which was Venti’s handiwork, no doubt about it. If only she had been there…

Holding back another sigh, Auria took a deep breath and, instead, slapped both of her cheeks to spur herself into action.

“Get a hold of yourself, Auria! Those 500 years of wandering and hiding weren’t for nothing!” She looked up at the fluffy clouds with renewed resolve. “I’ll find him and we’ll finally be able to be together again, just like old times.” She nodded to herself, as though talking herself into action had become a habit she cultivated through the centuries. “Okay, now that’s dealt with…” she looked around the wide prairie before her to check if there was anyone looking before crossing both hands over her chest. “Annd, transform!”

After Auria’s whisper -- word that was actually not needed for her transformation from sylph to fairy to work, but that she had grown fond of using due to Venti’s influence -- she was covered in sparkling dust, seemingly poofing out of existence.

A tiny form, smaller than even Paimon, emerged from the dust, flying about freely to be able to cover the distance to the city. She had changed to her original form of a fairy, before Barbatos had bestowed upon her the very first ever Anemo Vision which allowed her to retain a human-like form to live out the rest of her life beside him.

It took her a while to arrive at the city, as the sky was now covered in a blanket of stars. She poofed back into her human form behind an alley, feeling a weird stir in the air after she felt it caress her face.

It felt as though it was welcoming her into an embrace -- like it was ready to give her what she wanted the most: the hug and comfort of her beloved Barbatos.

“Oh…” Auria covered her mouth with both hands in surprise, her eyes misting with tears. “He’s here! Ven is here!” Her voice shook with emotion for finally being able to grasp Venti’s presence like one catches a petal in the wind.

She closed her eyes and intertwined her fingers in almost prayer, focusing all of her being into the Anemo energy all around her. If she could pinpoint the source of the wind… If only she could, then she would most certainly find Barbatos at the end of it.

All wind and freedom are born from him, so it was no wonder that if one pulled the thread of the wind, they would find Venti at the end of it.

However, it was easier said than done -- there was a high amount of magic energy; differing levels of Anemo and other Visions spread throughout the land to be able to pull at one without finding it entangled in another. It felt like Auria was learning how to knit by untangling yarn instead of weaving it into clothing.

She spent the night at an inn not too far from the most famous one in town as she needed to concentrate on her task, though if only she had walked half a block further… her fate might’ve been different.

________

The next morning, Venti, Lumine and Paimon left Angel’s Share to look for the bard’s special someone, though not without Paimon’s easily-ignored teasing.

“She loves the natural sound of the wind, so I’m sure she’ll be in a place where she can be surrounded by nature!” Venti twirled around himself to make a small whirlwind follow his steps, making dust and leaves dance behind him. “The prairie right outside town should be a great place to look, methinks!”

“Alright, then you can go alone, Tone-Deaf Bard! It doesn’t make sense for all of us to go together, after all.” Paimon shook her tiny legs in annoyance for being ignored after asking questions about the Tone-Deaf Lady Friend.

Lumine nodded in accordance, “yeah, it’s best if we split up. I’ll ask people based on the description you told me, so you should look for places she’d most likely be at.”

“Mhm, mhm!” Venti nodded brightly, taking Lumine’s hand on his before shaking it vigorously. “Thanks again for this, Traveler! Let’s find her pronto! I miss her so much!”

“No one asked, though…” Paimon grumbled beside the duo, puffing her cheeks so they were fit to burst at any moment.

Blinking with sparkling eyes, Venti looked in Paimon’s direction and smiled before giving her a cheeky wink and turning to leave. “Then I leave this area to you! Let’s meet back at Angel’s Share if we return empty-handed.”

After saying that, a current of soft green wind covered Venti, dissipating into warm specs of light once he safely warped himself out.

“Good riddance!” Paimon grunted, wobbling around Lumine before taking a deep breath. “Alright then, let’s go, Traveler! I’m so curious to meet the lady crazy enough to live SO LONG with that Tone-Deaf Bard that I can’t stop scratching myself!” The flying little girl scratched the back of her hand excitedly, wearing an evil smile unfitting to her adorable face.

“Heh,” Lumine smiled before turning towards the market. “Let’s first ask some innkeepers; they’re the best when it comes to dealing with new people.”

“Let’s gooo!” Paimon eagerly flew behind the Traveler.

________

At the same time, Auria gasped, feeling the thread of wind she had barely managed to catch, snap. “Oh, noo…” She grumbled. “Did he warp somewhere? He was just around here in the city, but now he’s flown far away…” Her voice sounded dispirited as her body lumped forwards, on the bed.

Well, technically, she didn’t know if he had flown ‘far away’, but since he wasn’t within her grasp anymore, she pouted adorably, digging her face into the pillow.

She had barely slept last night; she was also starving and tired of trying to untangle the mess of winds and magic around this big city… Pouting even more, Auria growled impatiently before taking a deep breath.

“I’m going… yeah, I’m going to buy something to eat. Bread! Sweets! Fuel for my weary body!” She psyched herself up by springing to her feet, raising both fists to the sky. “Let’s go!”

Soon she left the tavern without checking out -- she was playing on staying until she found Barbatos, after all -- taking only her money pouch and cloak with her as she headed to the marketplace.

No matter how many times she squeezed herself through the stalls, the sight was always marvelous. Humans were truly fascinating in their own pursuit of freedom: from house decorations to delicious food; there was nothing one couldn’t find in this place as long as they looked hard enough.

Auria gleefully bought a bag of baked sweets that looked much too large for someone her size to eat by herself, which warranted her some glances from the shopkeepers as she passed them. Nevertheless, Auria happily munched on a creamy donut as she started to make her way out of the marketplace.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw a familiar sparkling dust, so she unconsciously followed it. Since it was just like what her wings in fairy form produced, she felt somehow akin to the flying little girl just a bit ahead of her.

The girl looked too big to be a fairy; not to mention her lack of wings, which cemented the fact that she was not one of Auria’s brethren. Still, Auria found her gaze following the little girl and the one she accompanied -- a young Knight of Favonius, from the looks of it.

Once the duo was out of sight, Auria realized she still had half a donut sticking out of her mouth, so she busied herself with eating it, making her way back to the inn. On the way there, however, she passed by the largest tavern, Angel’s Share, and shrugged before going in.

After all, it would be weird if one that held the title of Most Popular Bard of Mondstadt wasn’t known in such a big establishment. So, renewed with the power of sugar in her veins, Auria went inside with burning eyes.

“Excuse me, I want some information…” She walked to the counter, finding a beautiful flame-haired young man tending to the bar.

“Ask away.” Diluc said curtly, not raising his gaze from the cup he was drying.

“Do you perhchance know of a bard named Venti? He’s about this tall-”

“No need for a description; not only do I know of him, he performed here just last night.” Diluc looked at Auria, then to the piece of donut that fell from her mouth to the floor he had just moped in her surprise.

“He was WHAT? Here?! What?!” She almost let go of the bag of sweets, but managed to catch herself in time to prevent the tragedy. “But I’m just right- across the street? I can’t believe-” She widened her eyes the more she spoke, staring blankly into Diluc’s face.

After a few seconds of astonishment, she caught her breath with a gasp. “Do you know where is he right now? I must meet him!”

Diluc took a moment to reply as he circled the counter to get a broom. “He didn’t say where he was going, but he left this morning with the Traveler and that flying little girl that accompanies her.”

Auria knew who Diluc was talking about immediately. “That young knight of Favonius?” She mumbled more to herself than to Diluc, though he did nod in response.

“Yes.”

Squeezing the bag of sweets, Auria’s heart beat so hard it felt it was about to burst out of her chest. Was that the reason she was so drawn to them back at the market? Were the winds telling her to seek them out so she could finally be reunited with her love?

Her mouth agape as she breathed heavily, Auria’s face brightened with each passing second. “Thank you so much, master! I’ll- I’ll be back!” She quite literally flew out of the door, leaving only the sweet scent of her treats in her wake.

Diluc wasn’t even surprised about such things anymore, so he just finished his sweeping in silence.

________

“Huff, huff!” Auria panted as she turned the bag over into her open mouth to eat everything at once while she ran, clearly unafraid of choking. She quickly arrived back at the marketplace, though due to the sheer amount of people, it was hard to pinpoint a single duo.

Of course, the little not-fairy would be easy to find since she was such an odd sight, but that did not mean that looking would be effortless. Auria put herself on her tiptoes to look above the crowd, but ultimately decided that it would be easier to look from above.

She hurried to an alley and poofed into her fairy form, taking an easy flight high above people’s heads. Looking left and right, Auria flew not too close so as not to be spotted, but not too far so she would still be able to see clearly.

“There!” She pointed to the blonde knight far off in the distance, at the entrance to the pier. “It seems she’s talking to some people, so I’ll just fly down here…” Auria found a quiet spot behind some crates to poof back into her human form, immediately storming towards the place where she last saw Lumine.

She was so eager, she rammed into the young knight with everything she had the moment she took a turn, rolling on the ground in her arms. “Ow, ow, ow…”

“Lumine, Lumine! Are you alright? Who’s this crazy lady?!” Paimon pulled Auria’s cloak to take her off of the Traveler, failing miserably in moving anything but the hood she held on to.

“I’m alright, but-” Lumine shook her head, helping Auria sit up beside her. “Are you okay? Who are- wait… you look familiar.”

“Familiar? Have you seen this crook before, Lumine?” Paimon flew to Lumine’s side, widening her eyes once she took a good look at Auria. “Wait, it’s true! Aren’t you the Tone-Deaf Bard Lady Friend? You are, arentcha?!”

“Tone-deaf-” still dizzy from the collision, Auria massaged her forehead with a groan. “Tone-deaf…?”

“Don’t mind her.” Lumine waved her hand in Paimon’s direction, ignoring the ‘hey, what do you mean by that?’ from the emergency food. “You’re the one Venti is looking for, aren’t you?”

Auria’s eyes sparkled immediately, forgetting the pain and frustration as she took Lumine’s hand. “You know Venti?! Oh, thank the heavens! Do you know where he is? I’ve been looking everywhere for him!”

Lumine and Paimon exchanged surprised and pleased glances. “He just asked us to help him look for you. He left the city for a bit, but we promised to meet back at the Angel’s Share later this afternoon to report our findings.” Lumine nodded to the eager girl holding her hand. “Should we wait there together? It’s best if we stick close lest you two miss each other again.”

“Oh, would you do that for us? Thank you so much, sir knight! Thank you, thank you!” Amidst her emotion, Auria hugged Lumine as she laughed brightly to the point of tears.

“There, there,” Lumine smiled, patting Auria’s back so they could look each other in the eyes. “I’m Lumine, by the way. The one over there is Paimon, so no need for formalities.”

“That’s right! You’re thankful, aren’t you? You gotta tell us more about the Tone-Deaf Bard and how you two met and stuff!” Paimon bounced excitedly all around the two girls. “I need something to kick him in the shin with, keheheh…” She mumbled the last part to herself, snickering evilly.

“I truly am thankful!” Auria sniffled, then got up with Lumine’s help. “I would also love to hear how you two met Venti and what he’s been up to!”

“Sure,” Lumine patted the dirt out of her dress. “Let’s head back to the Angel’s Share.”

________

With each step Auria gave in the direction of the tavern she had left just an hour ago, the stronger her heart pounded. They haven’t seen each other in five hundred years, so the longing she felt to be in his arms was unparalleled.

She tried hard to listen to Paimon’s retelling of how they managed to save Dvalin, but the sound of her heart beating inside her ears made it difficult for Auria to do anything else apart from breathing. And even that was difficult, to be honest.

The wind was restless. Was Venti back? If so, was he already waiting for her? If not, would he take long? It was already the early hours of the afternoon, so he probably should be on his way… oh, Auria could hardly wait!

She didn’t notice, but her steps became quicker the more she approached the Angel’s Share, as though spurred by the threads of wind woven into a breeze. By the time she noticed it was hard to breathe, she was already running.

Her steps fueled by the swirling wind, Auria forgot all decorum and opened the door to the tavern with a loud bang.

The air entered from behind her into the building as though being sucked by a primal being; as though being rolled back into its beginning and end; as though it was simply returning to its master and servant.

The wind swirled around the two adorable twin braids, ruffling the little red cape that covered the small back.

Short of breath, Auria could only gasp as her eyes met Barbatos’ for the first time in a half a millennium. “Ven-” she stuttered, faltering on her feet as she reached out to him.

His clear, aqua eyes widened in surprise as he saw the wind usher her to him, a wide smile covering his face. “Auria!” He opened both arms and ran into her embrace, tackling her with everything he had.

“Ven- oof!” Auria opened her arms to welcome his lightning fast jump, squeezing him into her embrace as they wobbled backwards, falling on top of the incoming Traveler once again.

Paimon grumbled something about the Traveler pursuing a career of safety cushion, but neither of the two lovers heard her.

Auria’s clear tears rolled down her cheeks as she dug her face into Venti’s hair, rubbing her face on it as though to imprint him into her. “Ven! I missed you so much! Where,” she sniffled, “where have you beeen!” She sobbed.

“Hehe,” Venti smiled cheekily, rubbing his face on Auria’s chest as his own eyes itched with unshed tears. “Haven’t you heard my tunes? I was looking high and low for my one and only muse!”

Auria sobbed more, squeezing his neck into her embrace with such force he almost turned blue with lack of air. “I looked everywhere for you…”

“I know, Fairy.” He whispered her nickname in a loving voice, making Auria’s tears flow more intensely. “Thanks for being so good at finding me! What would I do without you, really…” he kissed her neck, then loosened his embrace so he could kiss her wet cheeks before trailing his lips to hers.

Paimon gawked at the sight, covering her eyes with a red face as the two young lovers shared their kiss of reunion, not even bothering to stand after they fell.

“Don’t, sniff, don’t even think about going around on your own again!” Auria dipped more tiny kisses onto Venti’s rosy lips, drying her tears the best she could. “We’ll stay together from now on, Ven!”

“I would have it no other way, Fairy!” Venti giggled brightly, using his frilly sleeve to dry his beloved’s faze. “Now there’s nothing that can separate us.”

[naerysthelonesome]

Time spent together

Part 6:

The narrator returns

Apollo and Lit are very, very close to Artemis’ place now. Apollo looks splotchy and nervous. I don’t like it. Clashes too much with his outfit. Lit, on the other hand looks cool and calm. That’s weird. Probably a façade.

Apollo finally makes a turn, and pulls into a driveway in this really nice neighborhood. I’d consider living here, if I could… live, you know? He parks the car and just sits there, like an idiot. I’m sure Lit notices because he punches Apollo lightly in the arm, and steps out. Apollo follows soon after, and Lit moves to the backseat to get his bag, but the former flaps at his arms in impatience. Boi does he not look the epitome of grace today.

Lit shoots him a look, and shoulders his bag anyway.

They both make their way to the front door of the pretty, baby blue house. It looks quaint, and cozy, and not really someplace I’d imagine Apollo’s cool sister Artemis living, but maybe she’s into the whole cottagecore thing. I wouldn’t know. I’m supposed to keep focused on Apollo and Lit.

Speaking of, Apollo is trying to look collected and nonchalant as he knocks on the door, but it’s (incredibly) clear that he isn’t. Lit inches just a little bit closer, trying to offer his support, but of course Apollo doesn’t notice. At least not at first. Then Lit’s hand brushes against his own, and, I kid you not, his eyes spark. His breath hitches in his chest, and he goes completely still. Simp.

The door bangs open to reveal a silver woman. No seriously, she’s silvery all over. Her hair and eyebrows have been dyed a most mesmerizing silvery-white, her skin glows in places (silver highlighter methinks), and all the delicate silver jewelry over the lacy, dark green tank top and gray shorts makes her look ethereal and fairylike. DAMN she is really taking the Artemis thing seriously.

“Big brother!”

“We’re twins, and you’re unoriginal”, Apollo says resignedly. Like he’s had this exact conversation before. He probably has. Artemis simply smiles.

“Aw don’t be like that!”

She turns toward Lit, who’s been standing there awkwardly, and offers him her hand. Palm facing down, snowy white fingers curled, like she expects him to kiss it.

Lit looks like he’s visibly restraining himself from turning to Apollo in bewilderment.

“Aren’t you going to take my hand?” Artemis asks, with a fake pout.

Lit reaches out and takes it, completely unsure of what to do next. He just holds it like it’s an unwanted bug someone’s placed in his hand.

“Must all your dates be so rude, Apollo?” Artemis questions, with a huff.

“Must you always act like a twat that doesn’t know what century it is, Artemis?” he replies, turning to Lit. “She’s just playing with you”.

Artemis laughs, and walks away. It’s a normal laugh, no tinkling wind chimes, or tumbling rivers. I don’t even know if that’s humanly possible. Stephanie must have been on something.

“Something tells me it’s best if I play along”, Lit says, following Apollo through the door.

“Definitely. Oh, and leave your shoes here.”

Two of the girls Artemis lives with are insanely pretty. (But then, all humans look insanely pretty to me… oh to have a physical form). And they look like polar opposites. The bigger one is wearing a flowy summer dress that perfectly complements her wheatish skin, her pink and brown hair in a neatly curled high pony, winged eyeliner on point. The other one has her orange-red hair hanging about her face, some of it still fixed in the messiest messy bun I’ve ever seen. She stays seated on the sofa, in her dull grey sweats, and simply turns to wave at the boys when they walk in, eyes still on the tv.

“Hi! I’m Arson”, says they pink-haired one, “And that’s Claire. She’s normally the active one, but it’s shark week so she’ll just lie there like that all day, useless”. She (they?) swiftly catches they pillow that’s been chucked at them, and grins. “Oh and Thalia’ll be out in a sec”.

“Your name’s Arson?” Lit asks, politely trying not to sound shocked or confused.

“Heh yeah. Of all the non-binary names someone like me could have picked, right?” They say, with a short laugh. “It was a close call between this, and Twig.”

“Her pronouns are she and they, btw”, Apollo says walking up from where he’d been talking to his sister, to envelop Arson in a hug, “Hey Ari!”

“Ah jeez. The hugging still isn’t over?” A raven haired girl says, walking into the now slightly crowded living room. “Well I’m Thalia. Do no touch me”. That last part was spit at Apollo. Her tone is menacing, but her little smirk shows otherwise.

“Hey Thalia”, Apollo says, reaching over to pat the red-head, Claire, on the shoulder, and ruffle her already ruffled hair. Please somebody comb it already!

“This is Lit, Apollo’s newest fling”, Artemis says, gesturing to the boy who looks like he can’t decide whether he wants to live here, or run away. He gives the room a shy smile. (Aww)

“Great! Now that we all know each other,” Get out of Pridelands? Sorry sorry. Just couldn’t miss out the opportunity to quote Lion King: Simba’s Pride. Artemis simply continues on with something about lunch and rotisserie chicken.

It’s been quite an uneventful couple hours, but oh, how could that possibly last? In a room full of people, half with names with mythological roots, and the one named after a crime? There’s bound to be some drama. No, calm down, there isn’t going to be a fire. Unless it’s Lit’s heart flaming for Apollo, or vice versa. ANYWAY I’m going way off script.

“So Lit, how’d you guys meet?” Claire asks around a mouthful of veggies, feet nestled comfortably on Arson’s lap. I’m starting to think they might be more than friends, but what do I know?

“Oh we had to do a project together. Obviously, we’d seen each other around before then, but yeah… that’s the first time we really interacted”, Lit answered, awkwardly trailing off at end, as if he thought he’d said to much. Seriously Lit? That was barely anything.

“And how long ago was that?” Arson asked.

“Uh-”

“About a month ago”, Apollo supplied, lacing his fingers through Lit’s, their hands clearly visible from the sofa they were seated on.

Lit’s adam’s apple bobbed, and he shifted slightly in his seat, but managed to keep calm, even lifting their conjoined hands into his lap.

“Huh. How long have you guys been together, then?” Thalia asked, staring to look interested.

“A couple weeks.” Apollo’s voice was calm, at startling odds with the red of his face.

“Oh?” Artemis said finally, her eyes moving from their linked hands, to Apollo’s face. “You move awfully fast brother.”

“Well, we both wanted it”, Lit tried to cut in. The sudden tension between the twins is so thick, even oblivious Lit notices.

Artemis ignores him and continues, “Don’t you remember what happened last time you moved this quickly?”

“Artemis, please”, Apollo says, starting to sound irritated, “You wanted me to stop fucking around, and I did. You seem to have a problem with everything I do.”

“Oh is that why you’re dating him? Because of me?” Oh shit… we’re getting awfully close to the truth now, huh?

“No. No, of course not”, Apollo lies quietly. Lit manages to discreetly untangle their fingers and pull away, looking a little hurt. “I like Lit”. So not all lies then? If only Lit knew that, then he’d stop looking like a kicked puppy.

“Just make sure he isn’t another Daphne”, Artemis says, a challenging look in her eyes.

“That was a mistake and you know it! When are you going to stop bringing it up?” Apollo spits angrily, before he gets up and walks out the front door.

Lit sits there in shock for a second, before deciding that an angry Apollo was easier to deal with that a room full of upset and curious people, and follows behind him. Damnit! I wanted to stay behind and listen to the gossip. Would you mind terribly if I did that?

Yea, I suppose you would.

Lit is leaning against the wall of the house, hands in his pockets, while Apollo leans over the porch railing, and stares at his car.

“So who’s Daphne?”

Apollo sighs in defeat, before saying, “My ex. One of my only two exes”. Then he turns around before almost hastily adding, “Exes being people I’ve actually dated, that is. Not just people I’ve slept with”.

“Of course. Of course you still care about your reputation as a fuckboy”, Lit says, sounding disappointed more than anything else. Look, I’m a sucker for drama, but what the hell is this?! I don’t like this.

“What? No”. Apollo sounds... scared? “No I’m just trying to be as clear as possible.”

Lit doesn’t say anything.

“Besides, why are you even mad? It’s not like we’re actually dating”.

“No.” Lit whispers, “We’re not”.

“Hey”, Apollo pleads, “I can’t handle you being mad at me too, Lit. I’m sorry you got dragged into this shit”.

Lit waves the apology away. “Why is Artemis so mad about Daphne?” If I were even a little less intuitive, I would’ve missed the hopeful tone of that question.

“Oh. Um- Daphne was one of Artemis’ best friends. That’s how we got close in the first place. Sometime last year, we started seeing each other, and eventually became official. We’d moved really quickly, and honestly didn’t have much in common except Artemis” And divinely good looks, if Apollo’s many flings are anything to go by. “But everything went great, nonetheless. Better than great, even. I started to think I loved her. Until it didn’t. Around the three month mark, things started to go sour. We’d disagree about pretty much everything, and we’d fight and argue all the time. Then it started to get monotonous and boring and we were just going through the motions. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I broke up with her, and…” That’s the one place he hesitates. “Left. I just left for college, and Artemis had to deal with Daphne, who apparently took it hard. I didn’t speak to her at all until just a few months ago.

We’re okay now, by the way. She says that I’m a better friend that boyfriend, and I can’t say I disagree. Lucky for you that we’re just faking it, right?” I notice the slight hitch in his voice, but Lit apparently doesn’t. He lets out a dry chuckle. “Artemis, on the other hand, is still obviously pissed. I don’t blame her. She said that Daphne only dated me at all because I seduced her. At first, I thought that was ridiculous, but if all the hoes on campus are anything to go by, it seems that was entirely possible”, he finishes bitterly. Well... that was quite a speech.

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or exasperated by your unwavering level of self-confidence”, Lit says tiredly, after a brief pause. “Well that wasn’t as bad as I expected”.

“Yea, Artemis has been known to overreact”.

“I think her reaction was warranted”. Lit himself looks surprised at having defended Artemis.

“Maybe it was”, Apollo amends, eager to get back on Lit’s good side, I suppose. “You’re not still mad, are you?”

“I’m not mad at you, no” comes the curt reply, suggesting that he is still mad at something. This whole situation, probably. This trip was supposed to be romantic for God’s sake!

“Good, because we have a little party to attend this evening”.

[theburningsensationofpoetry]

BMC Ghost AU: Meeting Michael Mell

(I tried my hardest (´∀｀；) It sucks, but bare with me...I’ll fix anything that doesn’t seem right, I just used a Shakespeare translator...I didn’t research much.)

For: @wowthatsartbruh and @gelasticat

Michael awoke from his bed feeling a chill up his spine.

Surprising enough he didn’t feel the need to yawn, or even stretch. Odd, but it happened every once in a while.

He sat up visibly awake, feeling an energy around him. A familiar one.

He stepped off his bed starting to step down the stairs to the kitchen. He took in the smell of freshly baked waffles from the toaster. His mom knew it was his favorite, but why today? Today wasn’t a special day?

Michael excitedly ran down the stairs, trying not to trip (Which he didn’t!) to stop dead in his tracks.

He saw his two moms visibly sobbing.

Michael’s face turned from happy to mortified. “Mom? Nanaya? What’s wrong?” He tried to give them a weak smile, but to find they weren’t listening.

“Guys?” Michael moved forth to grasp his mom's shoulder, but finding his hand slipping through her skin, like a hologram.

Michael’s whole body shook at that one moment. He looked up to his mom’s faces.

“Guys? Please I’m right here!” Michael shrieked wailing his hands in the air. He went around them and found himself wanting to create tears from his eyes. But nothing came.

“Please.”

He looked to his side, on the granite counter was a jar...The jar read ‘Michael Manning Mell’.

“This is not true.” he muttered under his breath. He gritted his teeth took in a moment. “THIS IS NOT FUCKING TRUE!”

He gripped at his hair, not feeling the least bit of pain.

“This is all a dream. If I close my eyes, everything will be okay...It will be okay” Michael continued to chant this to himself

….

….

before he opened his eyes to find a shorter girl staring at him intensely.

“Uhh hi?” Michael choked out, still feeling a tad anxious and concerned on what’s happening.

She had a bob cut, a bigger frame, she had a caramel skin tone, but peculiar she had red marks on her neck, her neck seemed to be thinner and longer than her body proportions. Giving her a creepy vibe.

“Good morrow to you, sir, please follow me.” She spoke in a tone of some sophisticated white person. Michael was cautiously following her. He found himself walking away from his moms, leaving to the living room.

“Am I…”

“Dead? Aye, t'will take you a moment to remember thy death. It is common.”

He stopped and took a moment to think. Did he really die so young. He died looking like...Like him? He was going to look like this forever?

The girl must have saw the discomfort, for she spoke up “don't worry about the appearance or family or future, look forward to thy life as a spirit.”

He sighed walking forward with her…

“What's your name?”

“Christine.”

They didn’t speak much but by the looks of it she seemed okay...And if he was dead he was going to needed to get used to it.

He found himself in his living room to have multiple guests in it.

All ranging from creepiness levels.

Michael screeched like a bratty 5 year old who just lost their elsa slippers.

“broth'r don't be afeard of my comrades, those gents are valorous people.” The short ghost insisted.

Michael gulped nodding.

A young man came forth with his body having multiple gunshot wounds in him. He put forth his hand, Michael hesitantly shook it. “Refer to me as jake sir.” The man nodded before stepping aside.

A lady came forth with a large hole in her neck, another bullet hole. She had a beautiful outfit. She reached for michaels hand, they shook hands and she pulled him into a hug. “Names brooke sweetie.”

The blonde girl walked away, to a reveal a stern looking young women.

She wore a nurses outfit and had a gunshot on her left side of her chest. She is a brunette, and she looked pissed.

She took michaels hand roughly and shook it.

“Names chloe, got it?”

Michael nodded quickly terrified of this ghost.

Then a scary looking female came through. She had half of her right face skin torn apart. Her right arm was torn off. A big gash was in her cheek.

Luckily as michael suspected he's dead, so he couldn’t vomit right now even if he really wanted too.

But when that girl gave him a soft smile and gave him the softest handshake he ever got. He knew she was a good person. Just a little broken.

He gave a toothy grin, giving the girl a small fragile gasp.

She skipped off along with the others leaving on more boy in the back to introduce himself.

He walked forth and Michael couldn’t help but let his lips part. The boy looked beautiful. Well he had flaws of course, like how something dripped a bit from his eyes, or how he had a some splotches of bumps giving him an ill look, but yet… if you looked at him something brought you a sense of honesty and comfort.

When he walked forward, michael was sure his non-beating heart did a flip.

Jeremy shook his hand and smiled.

“Aye good day huh? Your looking mighty fine and plump!” Was Michael hearing right. Plump? What the fuck.

“Wha-what. Fuck you!” Michael exclaimed not loudly, but in a mildly raised voice.

Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and he cleared his throat. “sir thou must has't not heard me right. I said thee wast looking very fine and plump, or would well rounded be more to your liking?”

“Asshole.” Michael stated walking away crossing his arms over his stomach.

Jeremy looked grieved, as well as confused.

Jeremy walked to the opposite side if the zig zag line of ghosts avoiding michael.

Meanwhile michael was angry, everyone was nice yeah, but the one guy he thought was cute was an asshole.

“well now that thou has met everyone, thee can explore as a ghost! t shalt be the most excimenting. And no need to tell us your name, we know already!” Christine clapped her hands together in enjoyment. She starting to move through a wall scaring michael, before he hit his head and thought ‘your dead dingus’

He found everyone around him moving to go somewhere and he decided to go see his moms, but before he could he felt a cold hand upon his shoulder.

It was the jerk from before.

“broth'r, methinks we didn't formally meet right...did I do something wrong...?” Jeremy spoke starting to fiddle with his left sleeve.

Michael turned around and took a look at this kid. He didn’t seem to aim to make fun of him. From the looks of it, he looked to be from a different age. He looked like a weird guy from a history book.

“First of all yeah! You caused some beef with me. I don’t like being called a fat pig.”

Jeremy gasped slightly.

“Sir! I would never call you a pig! Fat yes, but that is a wonderful thing! Thy legs has't wonderful curves, thou has't better structure than any here, thou stomach is most likely soft and comfortable, thou has beautiful stripped marking of a god like creature, thou lips are thick and grand! Thy shouldn't be ashamed of your figure, you should be most joyful! As a handsome man yourself, I would be hounderd if you even found one thing beautiful in I.”

Michael was not processing what he said whatsoever.

He was stuck on the words he got ‘beautiful, grand, god like…’ Did someone think his weight was...beautiful?

“Is this some kind of joke? Like thanks and all, but your beautiful too.”

Jeremy's eyes shot up.

“W-what sir?” “You're beautiful too. I don’t know if you meant what you said, but look..” Michael took a step further to Jeremy. “You got a beautiful figure as w-well. You have a well sculpted body, you have beautiful eyes, your hair looks like really really soft. Can I pet it?” Jeremy nodded and Michael being taller pet Jeremy's hair and giggled. “I was right. It is soft. Look.. You're beautiful too. And if you think...My weight is beautiful then you gotta be over a 10 to me.”

Jeremy looked shocked then broke out into a smile. He got down on one knee and spoke “My dearest Michael would you be proudest to be engaged to me.”

“What.”

“My dearest-”

“I heard that, engage? Wouldn’t you want to, i dunno take me on a date?” Michael giggled.

“But sir, with all due respect, I have been waiting for a moment to meet you in person and marry you.” He smiled then turning red “B-but not like this! I wouldn’t want you to ever perish from your family! I j-just always saw you and I w-wanted to marry you alive. W-when you spoke of being, attracted to males, I had the same thought. Knowing it was wrong in my time, b-but times have changed and michel would thou be honored to marry me!” Jeremy was a persistent piece of shit, but Michael found it cute.

“Okay how about this…” michael learned close to jeremy. “If you take me on one date, your choice of place, and if it's good I will consider marrying you.” Michael smirked seeing the joyful and terrified look on jeremy's face.

“You have my word. I shall find the perfect place for us!” He started to scoot off when michael yelled “You have two hours!”

Jeremy shrieked moving faster.

Michael wheezed out laughing enjoying Jeremy trying to have a good date.

He went to see his mom's,he found his mom's where seated on his bed holding their hands together.

Having a better look at the room he saw something on the wall. Scorch marks. It was coming back. The electricity running through his body. He swore he felt a shock go through him. He took another look at his moms who hugged once more.

He stepped forth to his moms, and tried to wrap his arms around them.

He wish he could tell them it would be alright, he wished he could be their by their side. None of that was going to happen. He was going to be this age forever, he was going to watch his family get old and die.

He felt himself sick at his nonexistent stomach at the thought of that. He found himself having to move out of the room not before he found himself saying one last words to his moms.

“Please stay strong.” He swore he saw their head snap up, but he decided to leave the room, before he could get a response.

He walked down the stairs, forgetting he could easily fly if he knew how.

He found Jenna and jake playing goldfish.

“How do you guys play if ghosts can't move things?” Michael asked shocked and ashamed.

Jenna rolled her eyes and looked to him. “Yeah we can!” She had a really raspy voice...dang…”we put it backup and its really light so we can move it!”

Michael shrugged and went to go play with them. Eventually the whole group was playing and he was learning more about them.

Like how their all cursed. Great….

It seemed like a long two hours passed, because finally Jeremy showed up.

“Michael! A-are thy ready for our date?” He sheepishly smiled putting his hands behind his back smiling.

Michael chuckled putting his cards down to go forth with Jeremy.

“Is jerry going to kiss Michael?” Brooke whispered but not really.

“I hope so.” Jenna also didn’t really whisper causing both Michaels and Jeremy's cold faces to feel warm.

“Jeremiah is going to mess it up. Ten bucks.” Chloe scoffed laughing.

“We don’t have money chlo Chlo.” Brooke said softly.

“It's an expression darling.” Jake spoke up.

Jeremy decided to link arms with Michael, Michael shrugged it off venturing forth to wherever Jeremy was taking him.

Jeremy was taking him to a wall… “Hey Jeremy?” Jeremy hummed in response looking up at him. “Can we use the front door and walk their? If possible?” Michael flicked his thumb across his pointer finger, a typical thing when he got anxious.

He was visibly uncomfortable with being ghost. Just dying. He wanted to pretend he was alive for the most part.

“Of course!” Jeremy chirped leading Michael to the front door.

They had to phase through it, but Michael was okay for the most part.

They walked down the cold street not feeling the chills that would have ran through his human body.

They walked for at least 15 minutes mindlessly chatting when they arrived at a local zoo, the zoo was fairly big, but it was not as big as some up in New York.

Jeremy took him through the gate to see all the animals they could.

Most were just covered or put up, but Jeremy knew the animals that where there.

He wanted to show Michael the penguins or the lizards.

He went for the penguins.

They walked back of the park, usually for the employees.

Jeremy showed him the way to the door of the penguin exhibit, Bowing as he did.

Michael softly giggled sending a butterfly up Jeremy’s empty stomach.

Michael walked through hesitantly...but then looking amazed as he saw what’s before him.

Glimmering in the little light their was, the snow around the area.

A little pond with a light waterfall.

Michael stood amazed.

Jeremy walked through chuckling as Michael stood amazed.

Truth be told Michael has only been to petting zoos as a kid. He just was never close to them in his hometown.

Jeremy led him to a ledge and layed down. Michael sat down with him looking down at the penguins that sat protecting eggs.

Jeremy wrapped his lanky arm around Michael, smiling.

Michael smiled contently looking at a the penguins once more.

One particular penguin stepped off of their egg they were sitting on.

The egg wiggled and a chip went through.

Michael gasped scooting a forward a bit, not getting out of Jeremy’s grasp.

More chips came through the egg, a fuzzy penguin came out.

Michael was looking at it with pure wonder and enjoyment.

“Jeremy.”

“Yes?”

“I might take you up on that offer.”

[ceruleanmusings]

in the dark kisses for wynn and toni 😍

Also features @isaaclahys‘s Riya Rose (now you know why I was asking so many questions besides just wanting to know more about her ;)) Hope you don’t mind me borrowing her and doing a mini crossover!

“What’s with the crowded halls?” Wynn asked as she slipped her messenger bag off her shoulder. She spun the dial on her lock to the last number and popped it open. Thank you, Ned’s Declassified! She hung up her messenger bag and placed her late pass onto the top shelf.

“Didn’t you hear? The Southside moved in today,” Riya replied. Wynn hummed in interest as she pulled a box of poptarts out of her bag and held it out to her locker neighbor. They’d been placed next to each other alphabetically for years—Rose and Tate—and their frequent hallway run-ins were something to look forward to. They traded snacks and hearsay when given the chance between classes. It made the part where they had to take classes and do homework a little more bearable. As Riya took off the shiny foil wrapping, her eyebrows furrowed and she asked, “Where were you anyway?”

“Mom had an early doctor’s appointment. And since we only have one car, Pop wanted to cut down on how much he was driving around,” Wynn explained as she took a pink Starburst out of the bag at the top of her locker and popped it into her mouth. “Besides, I wanted to hear what the doctors had to say.”

“Is she okay?”

Wynn shrugged. “As much as she can be, I guess. No improvements but…no setbacks so it’s better than nothing, right?”

“No news is good news,” Riya agreed with a smile and a bump to her arm.

“On that subject, I can’t imagine that the Serpents were well-received.”

“Oh? Did you see the pitchforks in the trash?”

“Close. I was nearly choked by the tension when I walked in.” With a teasing wink she added, “And not in the fun way.”

Riya rolled her eyes. “Let’s just say that Cheryl and Reggie made it clear where they stand in the whole thing.”

“In a pile of bullshit?” Wynn suggested with a smirk. Riya laughed and Wynn went back to getting her books for her next class. She had missed History—thankfully!—and Science. So that meant math was next. Good, math was one of her best subjects. She closed her locker, set the first two numbers, and turned around in time to see as people in the hallway started to part. Interest piqued, Wynn looked past Riya to see a group of Southside Serpents, lead by Jughead, walking down the hallway. Jughead sported his almost ever present frown and the other three following behind him held stiff jaws and clenched fists.

Wynn couldn’t help but make a comment. “Jesus, Jughead, did someone give you coffee that wasn’t black enough for you?”

“Not in the mood, Wynn,” Jughead commented, a little more burusque than usual. They traded barbs sometimes—hipster and poser flung the most often—but it was all in good fun. Wynn and Jughead practically grew up together in Pop’s; he spent a lot of time there. He was one of their best customers.

Her eyebrow popped. “What bit your ass?”

Jughead rubbed his bottom lip with a hand and stepped towards her. She noticed that his dark circles seemed, if possible, darker. “Your boy-toy has no qualms with marking his territory. Think you can put a muzzle on him?”

Wynn scoffed and held up her hands, as if to block his words. “I take no responsibility for his dumb ass. As far as I’m concerned he can get whatever’s coming to him.”

“Wait.” Wynn’s eyes shifted over to the tall one. He brought tall, dark, and handsome to an entirely new level. It was almost as if he stepped out of the pages of some YA romance novel, tattoos, narrowed eyes, and all. “Fleabag belongs to you?”

Wynn blinked, stunned, though she wasn’t sure if it should be attributed to someone actually referring to Reggie as Fleabag or to the fact that this…guy thought that he was her possession. Thankfully, Riya spoke up before she could. “Don’t mind him, this serpent’s more bite than venom.”

Tall, Dark, and Handsome’s stern gaze turned to Riya and she held it, lifting her eyebrows as if to challenged him. An amused smile blossomed on Wynn’s face as she looked back and forth between the two. For a brief moment her eyes locked with the girl who stood closest with Tall, Dark, and Handsome and she noticed that she, too, was restraining a smile.

“Anyway,” Riya said with a flippant tone, “that’s Sweet Pea for you.” Wynn really had to keep from laughing. Of course his name would be Sweet Pea. The only other option would be Tiny, wouldn’t it? “That’s Fangs,” Riya motioned to the quiet boy that stood behind Jughead, “and this is Toni. Guys, this is Wynn.”

“Hey.” Wynn lifted her chin in Toni’s direction. “I like your hair.” She really did; she was jealous of the color and how well it set in Toni’s hair. If she’d tried to do anything to her pile of curls she’d be paying for it later.

“Thanks.” Toni gave a half smile as she pulled on the end strands of her hair. “I like yours too.”

Wynn made a face. “You say that now. This is after taming it for two hours. if it rains? It’s a goner.”

“Oh, girl, I know,” Toni said with a little laugh. “The trick is to use a little more conditioner than usual. It’ll lock everything down.”

“Speaking of lockdown, we should get to class,” Jughead spoke up, clearly uninterested in the efforts of a good hair day. “Before we’re put under lockdown.”

“Actually, this is my locker,” Toni said, pointing to Wynn’s right. “So, I’ll just meet you guys in class alright?”

The boys grunted in response and ambled away. Save for Sweet Pea, who seemed to make it a mission to have some sort of staring contest with Riya as he walked away. Grumbling, Riya said around her poptart, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer!”

Toni chuckled as she opened her locker door. “If he can see through his heart-eyes, that is.”

“That’s a laugh. Sweet Pea wouldn’t know what a heart is if someone ripped it out of their chest and presented it to him,” she said.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” Wynn said in an airy tone. Riya gave her a look and Wynn shrugged. “Hamlet’s a good play.”

“Keep Shakespeare out of my life.”

Wynn laughed. “Would you prefer a Greek Chorus instead?”

“Ooh, I’m down for that,” Toni spoke up, a smirk curling on her lips as she put her bag in her locker. “Following you around all day, voicing those oh so forbidden thoughts that tend to run through your mind when Sweet Pea’s around.”

“Maiming and dismemberment?” Riya offered.

“Just what every girl fantasizes,” Wynn joked. Her eyes shifted back over to Toni, slipping down her neck and resting on the camera that hung in front of her. She hummed. “Nice equipment you got there.” When Toni’s chin hit her chest and then was followed closely by a raised brow, Wynn’s eyes fluttered closed and she briefly stuttered out, “C-camera. Talkin’ ‘bout the camera. Not your jugs.”

“Well, they are nice,” Toni said with a particular incline to her head. Wynn cleared her throat. “And thanks. It’s nothing special but it gets the job done.”

“Oh, forgot to mention,” Riya spoke up—Wynn didn’t miss the shit-eating grin on her face, “Toni was on the newspaper back in Southside High. She was saying something about wanting to check out the dark room.”

“Being that you actually have one, figured I should get myself familiar with it,” Toni agreed.

“Lucky for you, Wynn here is the photographer for the yearbook,” Riya said with a nudge to Wynn’s arm.

Wynn gave a modest shrug. “We use digital mostly, the dark room’s just a formality and if anyone wants to learn how to use actual film. Or if we want to go for a certain affect.” Spotting the way Toni’s eyes lit up she said. “Would you…like to…see it?” She didn’t know why it came out as a question; something about Toni had shifted her self-absurdness off-kilter.

“Only if we have time. I don’t want to make you late for class.”

“She has a pass,” Riya jumped in. She slapped her hand on the slip at the top of Wynn’s locker and practically shoved it in her hands. “Come find me at lunch, okay?” She closed her locker and said to Wynn with a wide smile “you’re welcome” and hurried away.

Wynn blinked at Riya’s retreating back and clutched her late pass in her hands. Sighing, she turned on her booted foot and flashed a smile at Toni who stood by, waiting. “So…how are you liking Riverdale High so far?”

“Well, the windows are intact, you have working toilets, the teachers actually know your name, and I’m not getting frisked every morning,” Toni replied. “So far, this is a nice step up.”

“Just wait. That shiny veneer that makes everything look like gold will be stripped away soon enough and you’ll find everything’s just bronze.”

“Well, when you’re used to tin, bronze is a nice step up.”

Wynn bobbed her head; she understood that sentiment wholeheartedly. She wasn’t ashamed to say that she got excited when she got her first phone three years ago. It was a few generations behind all her friends and some of the buttons were wonky but it was a phone and it was hers.

“So how’d you get into photography?” Wynn asked, glancing to her side. Her mouth twisted to the side when she spotted Toni walking with her elbows out, as if waiting to push someone out of her way. In the spacious halls that housed Riverdale High it was an odd sight. She didn’t comment on it.

They spoke with an ease that loosened Wynn’s otherwise stiff tongue, marveling in their shared revelations that they both lived with their grandfathers, worked as waitresses at their local eateries, had an interest in photography, and that their grandfathers were the ones that bought their “babies”: for Toni her camera, for Wynn her podcasting microphone.

By the time they reached the room in question Wynn had to mentally get a grip on herself lest people would notice the little wings that sprouted on her shoes. She had a good group of friends but not many girl friends, save for Riya and Valerie, so it was nice to get along with someone who was a lot less prone to dramatics as compared to Betty and Veronica.

“Wait, hold on. Lemme just…” Wynn knocked on the door a couple times, pressed her ear to it, and then turned the knob. “We’re good.”

“What was that about?” Toni asked, following her into the room.

“People sometimes sneak in here to makeout,” Wynn replied with a wave of her hand. “You have to be careful or else you’ll get an eyeful of something you weren’t prepared for.”

“Worse than someone on a coke binge?”

Wynn whirled around; Toni had said it with such nonchalance, almost as if she were commenting on a cloud in the sky. What kind of school was Southside High? She heard rumors, of course, but those things tended to stay that way. Where there was smoke there was fire and blah blah blah but she wasn’t the sort to put much stock into what people whispered about. She lived in a world of facts (and, yes, she knew she was being a bit hypocritical since she consumed Riverdale gossip but that was bonding time and that was different.)

“Well, I mean, if you don’t mind trading a few winks with a one-eyed monster then—”

“Gross!” Toni said, laughing. She held up her hand. “I think I get it.” She slowly walked around the room, the heel of her boot echoing with every step she took. Wynn stayed back, watching Toni’s face as she took in the computers and printers and equipment stationed around the room. Watched the awe settle into Toni’s eyes and slacken her jaw. “Is this the dark room?” She pointed at a closed door in the back.

“Yeah. The room next to it is where we develop pictures in the bath and everything.” Wynn walked around her, catching a whiff of something melon scented and opened the door. “Once the light is off, the red bulb on the outside goes on so people know that it’s occupied and not to open the door. Lest they want to suffer a very slow and painful death.”

“But how do you keep the light from getting in?” Toni asked.

“The door goes to the floor. It’s not ideal for the claustrophobic sort, let me tell you. This dark room actually does its job. It gets dark.”

“Can I see?”

Wynn’s eyebrows lowered. It was a bit of a strange question, she had to admit. It wans’t too hard to figure out what a dark room looked like but the particular way Toni looked at her made her swallow her words of confusion and instead nod stiffly.

She waited for Toni to enter the room and closed the door. Hmm, she didn’t remember it feeling this small. Granted, she was rarely in the room with another person save for a few stolen moments last year… She scrunched up her nose, shook her head, blew out a breath and then flipped the light switch. Toni’s face was replaced with a stifling swath of pitch black. Wynn rubbed her hands on the legs of her jeans, and then winced when they brushed against something as they swung forward.

“Shit, sorry—can’t see you.”

Toni laughed. “That’s kinda the point, right?” Her voice came from somewhere in front of Wynn. It sounded a bit closer than it had before.

“Yeah. Riverdale does a few things right.”

Silence. Then…

“So…you used to date that guy?”

“Who?” Wynn hated how small her voice sounded.

“Fleabag?”

“Reggie.” She licked her bottom lip. “It’s..complicated.”

“Always seem to be.”

“I guess.” Wynn cleared her throat. “I broke up with him over the summer.” Not that you needed to know that. Still, she felt compelled to explain.

“Oh?” Her voice was definitely closer now. Something brushed against her hand. She didn’t move away.

“Yeah. Just another mistake I’m trying to move on from.”

“To another guy?”

The steady thump-thump-thump of Wynn’s heart sounded in her ears and her mouth dried and she suddenly wished they weren’t encased in darkness. “To anyone at this point,” she uttered.

The melon scent hit her again; overwhelmingly so. She tasted it on her tongue; cantaloupe or something of the like. She didn’t think on it too much for, a second later, she tasted something sweeter: Toni.

Sparks shot through her at the briefest touch of Toni’s lips against hers. It was a chaste kiss; a little sticky from Toni’s lipgloss. It was different, very nice but different.

Wynn’s breath shook and she alternately pushed her thumb against each knuckle until they popped, a nervous habit she was yet to break. Toni’s fingers brushed against hers, and then her hands held on tight. Almost pulling her down.

Wynn took a step forward, pressing her lips against Toni’s. Her eyelids fluttered shut, she sucked in a breath when Toni pressed back against her and—

Brrrrrrrriiiinnnngggg!

Startled, Wynn jerked backwards. Her chest heaved and her hands shook. “That was the bell,” she managed to utter. Damn, one kiss from a pretty girl suddenly turned her into Captain Obvious.

“I know,” Toni replied. Wynn almost saw the smile on her face.

“You’re going to be late for class.”

Toni squeezed her hands. “That’s okay. People probably expect it. After all, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Oh yeah?” Toni leaned in and kissed her again, so Wynn continued against her mouth, “What kind of reputation is that?”

Toni let go of Wynn’s hands, choosing to wrap them around her neck instead, drawing her closer. “Shut up and I’ll show you.”

Wynn did as she was told.

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

AndromedaWatch 01 - first reaction to the series

So, it’s been a brief break from my Farscape first watch/reaction series (which you can find entries in HERE or HERE), and during the off period, I’ve decided to do something a little different! By chance, I came across another late 90s-early 2000s sci-fi/space opera show I’d never seen before, Andromeda, so I decided to do a first watch reaction to it as well!

Without further ado, here’s my thoughts on Andromeda 1.01 ‘Under The Night’!

1.01 UNDER THE NIGHT

Spaceships! and a written brief intro. Semi conspicuous CG.

A crew! Lots of people. Red and blue uniforms. Antigravity harnesses. Andromeda is the ship and our lead is the captain, fun.

Everyone running about! But seems like it was a drill.

First leads appear to be two white dudes, one with the look of Buffy's Riley, the other Firefly's Mal. Longer haired dude is getting married. As this is the first episode this is probably going to be horribly wrong.

Also, the ship Andromeda has a female voice.

We are far future or maybe just alien; there's robots and lots of tech. We're leaping STRAIGHT into action too! Great opening.

Right, they're off to rescue a ship from a black hole after a distress call and we're less than 5 minutes in. Hyperspace jumping too, gotta get those tropes in.

Side characters we've seen so far include a black technician guy, feminine robot and a smallish green alien guy. Andromeda has hologram avatar too, an Asian woman.

Captain makes the call to try and save as many as possible, evacuation...but they're firing on them! Andromeda says that it must be a trap!

OPENING CREDITS time. There's a voiceover, and now an instrumental futuristicy theme with credits introducing our characters. There's the lead, male-bob-haired Captain Dylan Hunt, a blonde badass lady, dreadlocked black dude, a purple skinned Chiara-looking expy, and some others. Quite a big cast from the off.

Into the episode; now everyone actually IS running to battlestations, no drill this time. They're under assault right away, imperfect shields. They face 10k ships. Second in command guy suggests deploying extreme destructive bombs, but Captain refuses, aww, he's a good guy. (How long will that last?)

Second in command guy (Starscream?) notes that the attackers are his...race? ethnic group? nationality? so, as a precuation, recommends that he and all others aboard of that trait should be locked up just in case. Seems a little odd tbh.

Captain concurs and a bodyguard looking guy does it.

They aren't doing too well in the battle; outnumbered and can't maneuver. Also next to a black hole, they can't do their hyperspace jump again due to gravity pull.

Well, damnnn. 9 minutes in and the black guy dies. Eep. There was an explosion in Control, hull breach apparently. They're still pinned down for the next ten minutes too.

Captain orders that everyone abandons ship on escape pods. Ah, this will be the cast paring down, good, I hope they don't all die. The green alien elects to stay with the Captain in Control and may be female? Androgynous looking and shamefully I assumed it was not female.

Shot of everyone abandoning ship through some appropriately sci-fi +/ 90s style pods and passageways.

Well daaaang. We cut to Starscream and he kills the guards sent with him; a double-bluff! Ask to be locked up so he can get away from the captain and co, and just after offering his congratulations to the captain on his upcoming marriage too. Utter bastard. That's some Kill Bill shit.

He has a plan. Cutting between him and Control, where a female robot has stayed too. Captain decides to go INTO the black hole, fine, okay.

They're not strong enough to fight their way free, they need to use the black hole's gravity to slingshot themselves free... now, I'm not sure when this aired, but that sounds a LOT like the resolution of the first episode of Farscape. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a straight AU rerun.

Bug lady is the pilot. She does seem to ACTUALLY be an alien bug, and I quite like this. I hope she doesn't die. (She probably will, characters I like rarely last long, RIP PK lady lieutenant in Farscape). She speaks a bit of her langauge which Andromeda translates (her avatar's still here), good touch, saying that she's willing to sacrifice and risk herself for the ship's survival.

Oops Andromeda's frozen, avatar dropping out. Power freezing. Starscream is still doing things, Andromeda has noticed now but he blows out the camera. Andromeda is able to alert the captain to sabotage just as Starscream walks in and... yup, bug lady gets (quite graphically) killed, her chest front explodes out when she's shot (or blasted, didn't get a good look at the weapon). Eesh.

Captain spins around to engage. Starscream reveals his people are designed to be perfect. They all live within a Commonwealth, but Starscream's people want to take it over now. There's an issue with the Magog, who seem to be horrible people, who the Commonwealth have made peace with. Starscream's people want instead, revenge.

FIGHTSCENE. Starscream is a bit of a karate boy, this is more phyisical than I anticiapted, not just a shootout. Captain holds his own too though, flipping off a wall in slow-mo, which is revealed to actually be a time distortion, nice nod to the Matrix surely given the time this was made.

The two run back for their blasters and the Captain is hit first, but returns fire as he falls and may hit his opponent more critically.

He runs over to him, possibly saddened, and there's a 'what have you done' moment. Then they all freeze in time, Starscream possibly already dead on the ground, and we cut to the ship, already on course before its power was cut, dipping straight into the black hole.

Cut away. We open on blonde lady from the credits. We;re on another ship now, presumably. Blondie is a Captain too, Captain Valentine. Her coworkers are a wookie-faced dude and an expy of Wash from Firefly and Oz from Buffy in one character. They've found the Andromeda, but it seems a looong time has passed, years at least.

Seems we might have another Starscream situation here as Mr Wookie already is proud that HE - uh, THEY - have found the ship. Not a happy family, methinks.

More new characters! A scabby faced grumpy dude from the credits and purple lady, something bad might be about to happen to Wookie because I didn't see him in those credits and all these characters will be sticking around. Ms Purple has a tail too, because why not, it was the 90s, we didn't have weaboos yet.

So it seems these guys are salvagers - thieves, essentially. Already I can see this potential clash, immoral guys vs Mr straight and narrow. They were after this ship as a prize haul with big cash value and big rewards for them all.

The guy on Team Valentine is very much A Dude, we get it. He wants to spend his money on slave girls! Lovely. Neither Valentine nor Purple are impressed.

Valentine is apparently pretty strongly in debt, so that's what she'll use her share of the money for.

So, I'm slightly reminded of Alien, the original 1979 film now. These guys all work together, but don't seem to particularly LIKE each other and are just in it for the money. I actually quite like that, coming off watching a few shows where everyone ends up bonding unreasonably fast to an unbelievably close level.

Scabface wants to make amends with his share of the money. "Trying to buy absolution" as he puts it. He plans to build a hospital on a world he - or his forbears - killed many people.

Team Valentine are all technicians, nice, another nod to Alien.

So it reveals that Valentine, despite being the captain, was hired by Wookie. He's come along with them for this salvage mission. The Andromeda is stuck in time still, so Valentine will need to retrieve it without getting HER ship stuck in time too.

Valentine wishes to jettison their existing cargo before beginning the operation so the ship is more maneuvarable, but Wookie objects and has to run down to 'check' something in the cargo hold first; second Starscream confirmed. We don't get to see what he does but music cues are shifty af.

OooOoo seems his 'cargo' was people - some of original Starscream's kind of people, it seems, identifiable by their spiked arms, again, a nice visual cue to save them spelling out expository text the way many shows in early episodes find themselves having to do or resorting to. We get a shot of them emerging from fridge-like coffins (or coffin-like fridges, I guess) with THE MOST ominous music.

Right, operation go. Nice parallel right away to the other ship as Valentine intiates the operation with "okay everybody, just like we practiced", given the Andromeda's crew were practising too before the real thing. Valentine so far seems competent, no-nonsense and determined, with a wry sense of humour and strong sense of duty. I would expect nothing less from the female lead.

The irony as well that the Andromeda went to rescue and is now itself being 'rescued'.

So instead of going in, Valentine is very sensibly hooking it and reeling it in with grappling hooks.

Operation seems to be successful until three of the hooks seem to fail. Wookie immediately advocates cutting the cables and letting the Andromeda go, which Valentine laughs off and turns to Purple and Dude to see what solutions they might have.

Despite some of the cables failing, Valentine with Dude's help (focusing the engines into one blast of energy) is able to retrieve the ship and tow it away tractor-style.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts that long, one of the engines starts to fail off the bat. Dude seems to have it under control though.

RIGHT, cut back to the Andromeda. Andromeda's avatar is checking Captain Hunt too. Andromeda is immediately aware they MAY have experienced severe time dilations.

Annnd there it is. They've been frozen for 300 years. That'll be our main drama between Captain and our new characters, makes sense because I was feeling he and Valentine were actually quite similar despite the devil-angel dichotomy. Also... RIP Hunt's wedding, and I guess everyone he knew. That's gotta suck in the worst way. 10/10 for getting me to feel empathy for this guy in under 30 min, show.

Right, Valentine and co are all off to board the ship, leaving Wookie on board their own ship, presumably. Purple is the newest crewmember, it's revealed.

Donning space hazmat suits, they board. Dude appreciates the ship like an art form.

Cut back to Captain and Andromeda. The acting is good here and the music helps. They are in mid crisis given how much the world will have changed, maybe everything they were fighting for has gone. Andromeda detects Valentine and co, intruders!

Oops, it seems Wookie has boarded too, or are they back? (Ships look a little similar). He insists they have a deadline and need to work faster, while Dude maintains it will take weeks to get the ship going (presumably up to their future standards, too).

Valentine's crew split up (with comms) to search the ship for more clues about it and how it works. This will end well.

INTERESTING. So within Valentine's crew we have humans and the evil - in Hunt's time Magog, though, who can say which one of the aliens that is, Dude and Valentine are probably out. Andromeda has started to snoop on them through cameras and other concealed computers and comms and brings them up for Hunt to see.

So seems the Magog is Scabby. Andromeda also notes that Dude seems to be sick - with an easily-curable disease from their time. She wonders at the implications of that, a kind of reversal of progress perhaps? I should take the time to say that I do like Andromeda, despite her roboticy AI nature she has a charm to her and her competence and intelligence and calm are all positives to humanize such a character.

Hunt decides to engage the new team. He comes upon Dude first and calmly engages, quickly overpowering him without needing to fight, and addressing him measuredly.

Oops. So Dude doesn't seem to even be aware of the Commonwealth, three guesses says they lost then?

Nope, there's no High Guard, no Commonwealth, they lost, and not recently - 300 years ago! Possibly even straight after that battle, oooh we're going to have DIRECT angst then, that's an interesting direction and element to give your (presumably?) lead.

Additionally, having Andromeda here to talk to saves us having monologues, thought intrusions, or (the trope I disliked a lot in early Farscape) the lead, fish out of water, near-immediately latching on to someone he's just met and telling them everything about his feelings, using them as a sounding board and emotional support. Because honestly, who takes that from a stranger?

Andromeda and Hunt decide that they will search for remnants of the Commonwealth, even though its 300 years on. Back with Valentine, they are debating what to do. Purple advocates just asking Hunt to give them the ship. Valentine feels he owes them something anyway for pulling it out of the black hole. Scabby feels they don't deserve anything.

Hunt addresses them over comms; an ultimatum, he will not give it up to be looted, so they can leave, or he will bring force upon them. Valentine and co are still aboard Andromeda. They move to engage, then, Valentine doesn't like to be threatened, but Wookie intercedes. He's brought backup, and it's our dreadlocked Saracen warrior from the opening credits, along with a small army of extras, notably, none with the telltale arm spikes that we saw earlier, so what's his game? Was it a double-bluff? And that's where it ends, on a cliffhanger!

--

Well, I have to say, that was actually VERY good, by the standards of the time especially. Some obvious flaws due to tropes and what's become standardized over time passing in between this airing and me first seeing it, but in general, a very well written and acted pilot that established world, plot, tensions, potential tensions, character inter-relationships, and, impressively, seven main characters with an eighth just out of focus, a primary antagonist, and possible secondary antagonist, while also worldbuilding TWO timezones and political setups. Not too shabby for 42 minutes!

Other points; great character design and costumes - though I'm 75% sure there'll be a coincidentally justifiable reason why Purple has to be wearing a sports bra and hotpants and nothing else. Interesting spread of lead characters, two white guys, two women, a female AI, a black guy and a non-humanoid alien, just about what you'd expect from the time. The character archetypes are a nod to others in the genre and broadly into fantasy as well, and sketch out broad strokes for where I can see later characters being sourced from, e.g. the characters from the later Firefly and rebooted Battlestar Galaxica, even the Dr Who reboot which came several years after.

Valentine is, predictably (if you’ve been following my other review series), my favourite off the bat. Andromeda second, Hunt probably third - he's a very typical hero archetype, but convincing. The others come together in a bunch right now, Dude seems to be a Chaotic Neutral, Purple probably a Chaotic Good, and Scabby perhaps a Neutral Good, these are good balance for what may be a Lawful Good and Lawful Neutral lead - although Valentine shows potential to veer into True Neutral territory.

All in all, a great opener. I'll give it an 8/10, really starting strong.

What did you think of the show? Should I keep going? Let me know in comments or reblogs ;)

[betweenironyandsilver]

MUSICAL ASKS: ALL! OF! THEM! (or as many as you feel like doing)

only u would want to know my shitty Thots on musicals lmao (jk ily)

1. Favorite (Reprise)

for pure head-bobbing enjoyment, this honor goes to paris/look down (les mis), but for narrative purposes, i would pick the just you wait reprise (my fair lady) because i love how you can see how much has changed 

2. Best Act 1 ending.

one day more (les mis) sure does get the blood pumpin'

3. If you could go back in time to see a certain production, which one would it be?

i would kill to see the original my fair lady with julie andrews and rex harrison

4. Who should write a musical?

i guess she already has her own musical tv show, but i would definitely go see an entire musical by rachel bloom

5. The routine you recreate when home alone:

nothing, really lol...i have the bad trait trifecta of being very self-conscious, a mediocre singer and also unable to dance

6. A duet you’d love to perform and with whom.

i want to perform confrontation (les mis) with someone, doesn’t even matter whomst

also i love bad idea (waitress) but i sadly do not have the vocal capacity for those higher notes so probably no one else should be subjected to that 

7. A musical everyone can learn from.

sorry that like half these answers so far are les mis-related, but i do think that les mis has something for everyone, and it’s about LOVE and REDEMPTION and FORGIVENESS

8. Favorite set design EVER.

the great comet set design (or rather, theatre design) made me gasp out loud

9. Favorite person to play (insert role)

the main musical i follow extensively through multiple casts throughout the years is my fair lady lol and my favorite person to play eliza doolittle (excluding julie andrews obviously, who is god-tier and on a different plane of existence from us mortals) is lisa o’hare

10. Best digital #ham4ham

i didn’t watch these because by then i was getting a little fatigued about hamilton lol

11. Make up a name and the ingredients for a Waitress pie.

Too Scared to Graduate, Too Tired to Keep College-ing pie, which is filled with lemons and tears

12. Best tap number.

i love the little tap battle in bottom’s gonna be on top (something rotten!) 

14. Express your love for the orchestras!

they’re all valid and lovely!!!!!! when i saw les mis at west end, we could look into the pit from our seats which was so cool

15. Favorite musical written by (insert composer, lyricist)

you didn’t give me a composer/lyricist lol so im gonna say that i love alan menken and howard ashman and my favorite musical by them is beauty and the beast

16. Which part (or parts) do you sing in One Day More?

you can sing all of them if you’re not a coward

17. A line that never fails to make you laugh.

My father newly dead and the funeral boiled eggs now coldly furnished for the marriage table/methinks another chef might have whisked our desperate eggs together as one (from something rotten!)

and i would be a lot more zen/and i would punch a lot of men/if i had my time again (from groundhog day)

18. An upcoming production you’re excited for.

THE MOULIN ROUGE MUSICAL IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna see it so bad

19. Do you have any funny misheard lyrics from a showtune?

hmm, none that come to mind rn

20. A musical you would NEVER see with your parents.

well my parents don’t really like musicals so we’re already a little out of options, but they would probably hate musicals that are a little “out there”

21. Musicals can introduce you to new cultures, interests, fancy words and so on. Name 3 things you’ve learned from musicals.

i felt like i was missing a lot of the references in jesus christ superstar (and i was) when i initially listened to it, so i went and read up on the various biblical stories

after watching les mis in high school, i went and actually read les mis, which was fun, and that led me to read some other stuff by victor hugo as well

i didn’t know anything about leo frank before listening to parade, and it was interesting to read about

22. Favorite OBC.

my fair lady OBC forever, we stan a singing legend with a supposed four-octave range

23. Cast recording you know by heart.

>open my itunes 

>only one album, the sound of music (film version)

>3000 plays

24. Cast recording for a long car ride.

i’m a little over hamilton but it is VERY fun to sing along to in the car

25. Favorite Miscast performance.

:( i don’t really watch these, sorry

26. I really like these ones so: make 2 musical related confessions.

i think wicked is overrated

 i kind of wish we would stop making musicals about random movies

27. Showtune of the day:

‘s wonderful (funny face)

28.  Who would play you in a musical about your life?

my life is not exciting enough for a musical

29. Who would play your best friend in a musical about your life?

see above

30.  Who would play your romantic interest in a musical about your life?

romance?? in this economy?? 

31. 2 solos you’d love to perform.

if i had the vocal capacity, i would love to sing vanilla ice cream (she loves me) and stars (les mis)

32. Describe yourself with 3 musical theatre characters.

i’m very bad at describing my own qualities lol

33. A character that inspires you to be better.

jean valjean, hardened embittered convict turned loving father and CHRIST FIGURE

34. A showtune that always puts you in a good mood.

she loves me (from she loves me lol) is so fun and happy. the bit where he goes “i wonder why i didn’t want her/i want her/that’s the thing that matters/and matters are improving daily!” is so fun!

35. A showtune that makes you feel melancholic.

she used to be mine (waitress) makes me think about how i’m not really very happy with where i am in life, but also that i don’t know how to really address these issues

36. Best showstopper.

something rotten!/make an omelette; a bunch of dancing eggs on the stage that unfold their costumes to turn into omelettes? random musical and shakespeare references? could your faves ever

37. A place you consider to be your Santa Fe.

hmm...i guess greece?

38. The name of the prettiest theater you’ve been to.

lyric opera of chicago owns my entire ass

39. The most intense scene from a musical.

el tango de roxanne makes me go into cardiac arrest every damn time

40. A great cover of a showtune:

hmm i can’t think of anything off the top of my head

41. Put your phone on shuffle and write the first 2 showtunes that appear.

valjean’s soliloquy (les mis) and looking down the barrel of a gun (gentleman’s guide to love and murder)

(the worst part of this one was that the first two songs that came up on shuffle were showtunes)

42. Best design of a Playbill.

i don’t actually have particularly strong feelings about any playbill designs, they are mostly all nice!

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hi-Jacking Australia Day: Photo Op Fail Shows That The Mayor Knows How Deep She Is In The Electoral Doo-Doos

Shameless in its hypocrisy, utterly stupid in its transparency Jenny Hill and her team claim honours they WERE NOT awarded, in a bumbled bit of cheap campaigning chicanery. For all that, The Pie owes Jenny Hill an apology or does he? Could it be that he err short-changed her when writing about the LGAQ last week? There seems to be some murky financial (albeit apparently legal) fancy financial footwork in the local governments published reports. The Pie has a beak around to see if he really must offer to Jenny what she was forced to offer Clive Palmer an abject apology. (Good luck with the $50 grand part of it, though.) An unfortunate choice by the Townsville Chamber of Commerce and a truly shameful one by the Bulletin.. Plus, Bentleys hilarious take that will make Katter go Katter-tonic and in addition to our usual visual visit to the week in Trumpistan, a wonderful pictorial insight into how time reverses our values. But first Bobs A Real Pain The Arse The Mad Katter was at again this week, describing homosexuality as a fashion trend, and making the ingenuous dopey statement that In my whole life up to 50, I had never seen or heard of a homosexual person. Well, you probably met heaps of them, Bob, but in that time period, the laws of the day made it advisable not to advertise the fact. And one wonders if he doth protest a tad much could the Member for Kennedy be on a late-life slide into iniquity? Theres been a hint when you host a barbie in a shirt that looks like it was bought at Peter Allen garage sale, casually slung over a Ripcurl T-shirt, youre poised at the top of the slippery slope we call life-style choices. Indeed, our visionary toonist Bentley can clearly see the next passing phase for our Bob. Of course, this is all in fun, we all know that Bob is a solid, upstanding member, a real hands-on bloke who has a strong grip on things despite all his giggling and gasping. Still In Bentley territory, our man reckons not everybody is unhappy with our current heat wave across the country. And he is right about The Pies reaction, but being a considerate chap, Bentley has omitted the brown stains in the water behind the old bird. Low Blow In a shameful tabloid attempt at sensationalism, the Townsville Bulletin has surpassed itself on this, our national day when we talk up that we live in The Land of the Fair Go. In one of the most denigrating efforts yet by this floundering fish of a paper, we were treated to this below-the-belt guilt by association dog whistling front page. And the sleazy effort just got worse and worse, especially when a reporter quizzed him with what can only be an accusatory question on any possible involvement with his aunts drug dealing, indicated by the use of the word denied. QUOTE: Mr Dametto denied having any prior knowledge of his aunts alleged involvement with drugs before her arrest and assured his constituents, he did not condone the use of dangerous drugs. I havent (been involved in drugs) nor any other member of my family to my knowledge, Mr Dametto said.(The alleged offending) has nothing to do with me, its something she has to sort out herself. UNQUOTE The fact that they asked the question no one had considered, with not a shred of even remote suggestion, is straight up political dog whistling the chorus of Ha! yeah, right from the LNP and Labor banjo-playing set is already plunking away. If Jenna Cairney and her band of work experience reporters think this is a good tactic to fill space, perhaps theyd like to door knock the parents and relatives of the juvenile little shits charged with stealing cars and property, and ask them if they had any prior knowledge or involvement the exploits of their little snots. One imagines such effrontery would meet with what some cops describe as summary justice and no argument there from this old bird. Truly base stuff, Ms Cairney. And Your Bizarre Story Placements Continue Apace Jeez-us, fair dinkum. When It Comes To Snide Stupidity, Jenna And Jenny Make A Pigeon Pair If ever proof was needed that our mayor is wetting herself about her plunging popularity and failure to fool ANY of the people ANY of the time, it came in the online Bulletin this weekend. Heres a little puzzle of current affairs test for you. Read the caption first, and then see a) how many Australia Day award winners you can spot, and b) see how many Team Hill councillors you can spot. And the Astonisher certainly has its political priorities right the caption lists Mayor Mullet and Premier Alphabet but failed to mention that dorky looking bloke in the center. Oh, him, hes not worth mentioning, just the Governor of Queensland and former Chief Justice Paul de Jersey. But then have a look along the line search as he could, The Pie was not able to see it reported anywhere that either Clr Ann-Maree Greaney, Clr Maurie Soares, Clr Colleen Boo Hoo Doyle, Clr Les Messagebank Walker, Mayor Mullet Jenny Hill, or Clr Kurt Rehbein had received any Australia Day honours. So WTF are THEY doing, holding some sort of prize, which if it is an Australia Day Award, is grossly dishonest to say the least a pathetic please re-elect me plea? They are making themselves out to be winners of some sort which is looking more and more unlikely next time around. But OK, why is the old bird surprised, this is about the level of honesty weve come to expect from these denizens of the Walker Street trough. Its such a thigh-slapping inept attempt at campaign virtue signalling it has just proved two things shes desperate and shes dumb. But or All that, Mayor Mullet May Get Back In A new study of Townsville voters has discovered why we have the political representation we have. Well, at least it explains it for us, but not much can be done, youd reckon. Now, Having Said That, Maybe The Magpie Owes Mrs Hill An Apology Last week and on a couple of previous occasions The Pie has snidely written that Mayor Mullet picks up $31K a year in fees plus expenses for attending 6 LGAQ meeting a year as one of the three ordinary directors of the Association. She will retain that position until June 2020. Well, shame-faced as he is to say it, it appears that The Magpie may be WRONG (clutch the pearls to throat, gals, splutter in your Scotch and Fanta, gents). And this error is a direct, albeit unintended, slur on our mayor, by wantonly questioning the worth of her invaluable visionary qualities and her legendary financial acumen, particularly in Indian industrial and aviation matters. Because it seems her spare-time gig at the LGAQ earns her nowhere near $31,000 p.a. It looks like its closer to $95,000 per annum! Which becomes even more interesting when you consider that the TCC pays about $250K a year membership, so it in essence means that her services to the LGAQ are in fact paid for by Townsville ratepayers as part of the citys membership fee. Indeed, it seems we stump up a total a very worth while total, mind you, who could argue of just under $300,000 a year for her incomparable leadership as she charts a clever path out of our current financial and employment morass. The Pie humbly apologises for underselling you so despicably, Mrs Hill, when you devote so much of your time so selflessly to the public good of Townsville. There will be sneering Doubting Thomases who question your championing of the Local Buy procurement arm of the LGAQ, which actually takes work OUT of this city. Those doubters say that the claimed efficiencies dont actually save the council anything, but pshaw! what would they know? They simply have no head for these sorts of figures and deals and they certainly dont understand the pressures of your obligation to an organisation that slips you almost a hundred grand a year to raise your voting arm when told. Oh, the irony, the irony. But, You Cry, Is This True? Well, it certainly seems so to better financial sleuths than The Magpie, but it all depends how you decipher the murky and ambiguous figures published by he LGAQ. Rubbery was a word bandied about frequently. And just to pique our interest, there is a little mystery item mentioned, but that later on. Lets go the LGAQ Annual Report, where on page 35 we find this as a starter. Now the remuneration seems pretty clear there sort of but it has the rubbery words ranged between. (And a brief digression they sure aint bound by pissant thoughts of CPI or inflation down at the LGAQ note the rise in fees from 2017 to 2018 a tasty 35% for the president and an eye-watering 100% for directors. And the 2017 figures dont add up anyway, which is rubbery/sloppy in itself, with no explanation offered. Makes one wonder. The question here is would someone like Jenny Hill from a place the size of Townsville (for round figures, let say 200,000) be willing to accept the same stipend as say Alf Lacey from Palm Island, which has what, about three to five thousand people? Methinks not in a month of Sundays, and PI membership would be a tiny fraction of Townsvilles.) Then we see this chart, which again seem clear. Or is it not? The disparity between the President and the directors $137,422 v $31,000 ($94,280 split three ways rounded out here) is not believable to one executive who deals in these areas. He thinks the real remuneration, especially for Jenny Hill, is actually about $94,000. But whether it totals that from these figures (where there would obviously have to be some accounting error), things get even more interesting if he scroll back to page 20, we find this And this Now these reports can be heavy going even for accountants at times, and impossible for the likes by The Magpie, but our experienced Magpie mate writes: The cost of directors fees and meeting fees for the year are $618,294 (page 20) this would kind of add up to me like 3 directors @ $95k plus the president @ $137k total of $422k leaving another $196k to be accounted for so I think the directors get 95K still and travel and accommodation listed separately as $734,441 (page 20) So all in all, maybe Jenny Hill is worth the money she gets as a director worth it to the LGAQ, anyway, when it presumably is she who calls the shots on the councils membership fees. All this is courtesy of the Townsville ratepayers. The loveliness continues. Oh, and that little mystery. Just this But to be sure, since the LGAQ runs an insurance arm, it will surely be covered for whatever alleged indiscretion did or did not take place either way, it gunna cost. A (un-doctored) Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words A somewhat antiquated clich borne out by an alert reader who reckons his shot in Flinders Street just about sums up Townsvilles quandary. And another reader pic is being repeated across the city at a growing rate. Sloppy unfinished work and weeds all around contractor or council, totally unacceptable, and could be a traffic hazard, especially in the wet. Of course, not all councils can get things right, even the mighty Randwick Council in Sydney which has its own wrestle with signage. Be interesting if a Great Dane owned by a dwarf takes a dump. Did The Townsville Chamber of Commerce Really Think About The Wisdom Of This? Putting an image of a hungry looking porker on the stationery of an outfit representing private business seems a bit risky. But it gets more pointed when it is advertising a Townsville information session for the LGAQs Local Buy mob. Of course, in very small print, the presence of porky is explained as recognition of the Chambers Chinese membership, it is the Year of the Pig. Well, come to think of it, it IS an election year Pot Calling Kettle Award Of The Week. This goes to US Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, addressing an emergency meeting of the Organisation of American States last Wednesday on the unrest in Venezuela, and rescinding recognition of the elected leader. He said: The time for debate is done. The regime of former President Nicholas Maduro is illegitimate. His regime is morally bankrupt, economically incompetent and it is profoundly corrupt. It is undemocratic to the core. All absolutely correct except for two words, and many Americans know which two they are but guess you wouldnt know, Mikey, what a gerbil performance history awaits you, fella. We can shortly expect Trump to recognise Pauline Hanson as Australias legitimate leader, and for the forthcoming elections to be cancelled, since elections have little meaning in Washington. Apparently. But before Trump can make any such declaration how Australia can be governed, he will need the permission of the man behind him. And thats just the start for this week in Trumpistan. And Finally, For A Final Rueful Laugh Or Two. Time and technology play unexpected tricks on us, taking just a few short years to reverse human behaviour. .. Thats it for this week, but as usual, comments are running hot on all sorts of topics, so have your say, comments can be posted 24/7. And if youre in a kindly mood (or just drunk, doesnt matter) a donation to help the old bird keep floating above it all is always appreciated and put to good use. The how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hi-jacking-australia-day-photo-op-fail-shows-that-the-mayor-knows-how-deep-she-is-in-the-electoral-doo-doos/

[hallmarkchristmaspitches]

Vintage Christmas Recap: “Just in Time for Christmas”

(Photo from “Fifty Shades of Grey” NOT the Hallmark Channel Christmas classic “Just in Time for Christmas”)

This is an oldie (I mean…2015) but a goodie on the Hallmark Channel. It features an all-star cast - THE William Shatner! THE Christopher Lloyd! The gal who plays Anastasia’s roommate in the “50 Shades of Grey” movies, and the roommate needing Anastasia to go interview Christian Grey is the whole impetus for their meeting/scandalous love affair. (WHY can’t the roommate just go do the interview? She only seems a little sick and isn’t actively vomiting. She can at least do a Skype interview? How much can she get out of an interview someone else does?) 

 Somewhere vaguely along the coast of Washington state (read: Canada), Lindsay Rogers is a psychology professor who is pretty hot stuff. She has a super cute boyfriend (Jason) whom she has been dating since the beginning of time, and he owns a coffee shop. That’s right, a mother-fucking coffee shop. This is big time on the West Coast. They are totally presh and probably two of the better actors to walk and talk their way through a Hallmark Channel festive town square.

 Everything is coming up Lindsay because guess what: she has a job offer at mother-fucking Yale. I’ll allow it, since we do get to see Lindsay be smart in her field and not just say something like, “We’ll never meet that deadline! I’m a businesswoman!” But turns out, it is shit timing, because sweet Jason and his scruffy coffee shop beard have booked Gino’s (presumably the only non-coffee shop restaurant in town?) to propose! Oh no’s! This is 2015! Married women can’t teach at Yale! And they definitely can’t telecommute! What will Lindsay dooooooo? Well, she does what any reasonable psychologist would do: she runs outta this scene from an Italian restaurant and books it to the park, the only respite for a gal with too many thoughts. 

 At the park, she is approached by a mysterious former star of many “Star Trek” movies, sporting a carefully spirit-gummed goatee and riding a carriage drawn by a horse named Mistletoe. He offers her a ride and she laments her NON-DECISION BECAUSE IT’S 2015 AND WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL BECAUSE WE HAVEN’T BEEN DESTROYED BY NOVEMBER 9, 2016 YET. But no one told Lindsay to lean in because she is conflicted. So William Santa-ner helps her out by showing her a magic Christmas comet which sends her three years into the future. 

 WTfuck? Lindsay is really confused even though most things still look relatively the same and her trusty grandpa is there to make lots of “Back to the Future” references. She remembers nothing of the three years she lost but she quickly discovers that she is the author of a best-selling book (I’mma assume she wrote some kind of self-help book even though I’ll stress again, we get to see her being good in her field - it’s just in practice, she’s a lot more platitudes than science.) She is also needed desperately back at Yale by her Dean, who also seems to be her book agent. Since it’s close to Christmas, I feel as though the semester should be over? But maybe she’s doing a local on-going study on the effects of small town high school love on a busy career woman’s career? She should pick a smaller town than New Haven for such a study though. Regardless, the Dean can spare her for a couple days because she has taken advantage of Lindsay’s sudden relocation to schedule a local book signing. Girl does not know what the fudge she wrote about, but she is happy to spend more time around town with Grandpa Bob and Jason. 

But - oh no’es! - after creeping around the coffee shop like a socially awkward male comedian, Jason and Lindsay finally come face to face. And Lindsay is quickly informed that Jason is now engaged to Becca with the good hair. She has worked at the coffee shop and snuck right the fuck in there. No worries! Lindsay totally doesn’t care! She is very cool and successful and teaches at Yale even though she cannot be older than 30. (No disrespect because again, she is excellent compared to everyone else on the Hallmark Channel with the exception of our Lord and Savior Alicia Witt.) In fact, she doesn’t care so much, she is fine with Jason helping her with her Q&A before her book signing and drinking champagne in the limo with her afterwards (side note: do they do that? For book signings? In small towns? I have never written a book, but I assume unless you are J.K. Rowling or Hillary Clinton, they make you provide your own transportation.) Champagne + nostalgia + dat book signing hiiiiiiiiiigh = Lindsay sneaks a smooch in the back of the limo. Jason naturally freaks out because THAT IS FUCKED UP, LINDSAY, HE IS MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE IN LIKE TEN MINUTES. 

 Lindsay knows what she did was wrong, and they have a very honest and self-aware conversion about what happened (good thing Lindsay is a “psychologist” although methinks the screenplay writer is truly the one with the psychology degree.) She wishes and wishes she could go back to her own present time so that she could change the results of the 2016 presidential election - ooops, I meant that’s what I would do. Sorry. - so she can right the wrong of becoming a very highly regarded Yale professor and best-selling author. And also making sure she marries Jason. 

 And dude, she goes back to the park (even though a maintenance guy/park ranger told her they never have offered horse and carriage rides there) and poof, here comes William Santa-ner. Turns out he wanted to teach her a lesson, and boy did she learn one about herself and about what a drag it is to be a highly regarded Yale professor and best-selling author who don’t NEED no man even though she can’t remember anything and maybe she had a boyfriend in New Haven or maaaaaaybe she and the Dean/book agent had a thing? Maybe that’s why the Dean kept calling and saying she needed Lindsay back immediately? But Lindsay couldn’t see past the guy she’s been dating since she was five. 

 Anyway, William Santa-ner shows her the comet again and she opens her eyes to discover she is back in 2015. QUICK. GATHER THE WHITE WOMEN. THE ELECTION OF TRUMP WAS OUR FAULT. URGE CHANGE. WARN THEM WHAT 2018 IS LIKE. But instead of doing the right thing, Lindsay runs to her own home to hug her grandpa and mom (oh, her mom had a heart attack and moved to Sweden in the future.) She tells them she loves them and that is the best gift ever. Also, Mom’s going to the doctor on Monday. Cut to that coffee shop, where Jason is pouting. Lindsay texts him to let her in, or at least let in the waiters with the gnocchi from that restaurant. He does, and she apologizes and says she wants to marry him because she know she’ll be successful where ever she goes. He asks why she didn’t just ask him to go with her to Yale and THANK YOU, JASON, FOR BEING THE ONE PERSON WHO REALIZES PEOPLE CAN TRAVEL ACROSS LAND AS WELL AS TIME IN THIS UNIVERSE. They decide New Haven probably has coffee shops too (or should if they don’t), and they will start their new lives there together. 

 The movie concludes with a 150% cheesy wedding with a slightly out of date wedding dress and Lindsay addressing all characters by name before giving them a long hug. Then on to the reception at the only non-coffee shop restaurant in town!

  “Just in Time for Christmas” (2015) stars Eloise Mumford, Michael Stahl-David, Christopher Lloyd and William Shatner. It was directed by Sean McNamara. It is fucking great for crying to on a Sunday afternoon.

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hi-Jacking Australia Day: Photo Op Fail Shows That The Mayor Knows How Deep She Is In The Electoral Doo-Doos

Shameless in its hypocrisy, utterly stupid in its transparency Jenny Hill and her team claim honours they WERE NOT awarded, in a bumbled bit of cheap campaigning chicanery. For all that, The Pie owes Jenny Hill an apology or does he? Could it be that he err short-changed her when writing about the LGAQ last week? There seems to be some murky financial (albeit apparently legal) fancy financial footwork in the local governments published reports. The Pie has a beak around to see if he really must offer to Jenny what she was forced to offer Clive Palmer an abject apology. (Good luck with the $50 grand part of it, though.) An unfortunate choice by the Townsville Chamber of Commerce and a truly shameful one by the Bulletin.. Plus, Bentleys hilarious take that will make Katter go Katter-tonic and in addition to our usual visual visit to the week in Trumpistan, a wonderful pictorial insight into how time reverses our values. But first Bobs A Real Pain The Arse The Mad Katter was at again this week, describing homosexuality as a fashion trend, and making the ingenuous dopey statement that In my whole life up to 50, I had never seen or heard of a homosexual person. Well, you probably met heaps of them, Bob, but in that time period, the laws of the day made it advisable not to advertise the fact. And one wonders if he doth protest a tad much could the Member for Kennedy be on a late-life slide into iniquity? Theres been a hint when you host a barbie in a shirt that looks like it was bought at Peter Allen garage sale, casually slung over a Ripcurl T-shirt, youre poised at the top of the slippery slope we call life-style choices. Indeed, our visionary toonist Bentley can clearly see the next passing phase for our Bob. Of course, this is all in fun, we all know that Bob is a solid, upstanding member, a real hands-on bloke who has a strong grip on things despite all his giggling and gasping. Still In Bentley territory, our man reckons not everybody is unhappy with our current heat wave across the country. And he is right about The Pies reaction, but being a considerate chap, Bentley has omitted the brown stains in the water behind the old bird. Low Blow In a shameful tabloid attempt at sensationalism, the Townsville Bulletin has surpassed itself on this, our national day when we talk up that we live in The Land of the Fair Go. In one of the most denigrating efforts yet by this floundering fish of a paper, we were treated to this below-the-belt guilt by association dog whistling front page. And the sleazy effort just got worse and worse, especially when a reporter quizzed him with what can only be an accusatory question on any possible involvement with his aunts drug dealing, indicated by the use of the word denied. QUOTE: Mr Dametto denied having any prior knowledge of his aunts alleged involvement with drugs before her arrest and assured his constituents, he did not condone the use of dangerous drugs. I havent (been involved in drugs) nor any other member of my family to my knowledge, Mr Dametto said.(The alleged offending) has nothing to do with me, its something she has to sort out herself. UNQUOTE The fact that they asked the question no one had considered, with not a shred of even remote suggestion, is straight up political dog whistling the chorus of Ha! yeah, right from the LNP and Labor banjo-playing set is already plunking away. If Jenna Cairney and her band of work experience reporters think this is a good tactic to fill space, perhaps theyd like to door knock the parents and relatives of the juvenile little shits charged with stealing cars and property, and ask them if they had any prior knowledge or involvement the exploits of their little snots. One imagines such effrontery would meet with what some cops describe as summary justice and no argument there from this old bird. Truly base stuff, Ms Cairney. And Your Bizarre Story Placements Continue Apace Jeez-us, fair dinkum. When It Comes To Snide Stupidity, Jenna And Jenny Make A Pigeon Pair If ever proof was needed that our mayor is wetting herself about her plunging popularity and failure to fool ANY of the people ANY of the time, it came in the online Bulletin this weekend. Heres a little puzzle of current affairs test for you. Read the caption first, and then see a) how many Australia Day award winners you can spot, and b) see how many Team Hill councillors you can spot. And the Astonisher certainly has its political priorities right the caption lists Mayor Mullet and Premier Alphabet but failed to mention that dorky looking bloke in the center. Oh, him, hes not worth mentioning, just the Governor of Queensland and former Chief Justice Paul de Jersey. But then have a look along the line search as he could, The Pie was not able to see it reported anywhere that either Clr Ann-Maree Greaney, Clr Maurie Soares, Clr Colleen Boo Hoo Doyle, Clr Les Messagebank Walker, Mayor Mullet Jenny Hill, or Clr Kurt Rehbein had received any Australia Day honours. So WTF are THEY doing, holding some sort of prize, which if it is an Australia Day Award, is grossly dishonest to say the least a pathetic please re-elect me plea? They are making themselves out to be winners of some sort which is looking more and more unlikely next time around. But OK, why is the old bird surprised, this is about the level of honesty weve come to expect from these denizens of the Walker Street trough. Its such a thigh-slapping inept attempt at campaign virtue signalling it has just proved two things shes desperate and shes dumb. But or All that, Mayor Mullet May Get Back In A new study of Townsville voters has discovered why we have the political representation we have. Well, at least it explains it for us, but not much can be done, youd reckon. Now, Having Said That, Maybe The Magpie Owes Mrs Hill An Apology Last week and on a couple of previous occasions The Pie has snidely written that Mayor Mullet picks up $31K a year in fees plus expenses for attending 6 LGAQ meeting a year as one of the three ordinary directors of the Association. She will retain that position until June 2020. Well, shame-faced as he is to say it, it appears that The Magpie may be WRONG (clutch the pearls to throat, gals, splutter in your Scotch and Fanta, gents). And this error is a direct, albeit unintended, slur on our mayor, by wantonly questioning the worth of her invaluable visionary qualities and her legendary financial acumen, particularly in Indian industrial and aviation matters. Because it seems her spare-time gig at the LGAQ earns her nowhere near $31,000 p.a. It looks like its closer to $95,000 per annum! Which becomes even more interesting when you consider that the TCC pays about $250K a year membership, so it in essence means that her services to the LGAQ are in fact paid for by Townsville ratepayers as part of the citys membership fee. Indeed, it seems we stump up a total a very worth while total, mind you, who could argue of just under $300,000 a year for her incomparable leadership as she charts a clever path out of our current financial and employment morass. The Pie humbly apologises for underselling you so despicably, Mrs Hill, when you devote so much of your time so selflessly to the public good of Townsville. There will be sneering Doubting Thomases who question your championing of the Local Buy procurement arm of the LGAQ, which actually takes work OUT of this city. Those doubters say that the claimed efficiencies dont actually save the council anything, but pshaw! what would they know? They simply have no head for these sorts of figures and deals and they certainly dont understand the pressures of your obligation to an organisation that slips you almost a hundred grand a year to raise your voting arm when told. Oh, the irony, the irony. But, You Cry, Is This True? Well, it certainly seems so to better financial sleuths than The Magpie, but it all depends how you decipher the murky and ambiguous figures published by he LGAQ. Rubbery was a word bandied about frequently. And just to pique our interest, there is a little mystery item mentioned, but that later on. Lets go the LGAQ Annual Report, where on page 35 we find this as a starter. Now the remuneration seems pretty clear there sort of but it has the rubbery words ranged between. (And a brief digression they sure aint bound by pissant thoughts of CPI or inflation down at the LGAQ note the rise in fees from 2017 to 2018 a tasty 35% for the president and an eye-watering 100% for directors. And the 2017 figures dont add up anyway, which is rubbery/sloppy in itself, with no explanation offered. Makes one wonder. The question here is would someone like Jenny Hill from a place the size of Townsville (for round figures, let say 200,000) be willing to accept the same stipend as say Alf Lacey from Palm Island, which has what, about three to five thousand people? Methinks not in a month of Sundays, and PI membership would be a tiny fraction of Townsvilles.) Then we see this chart, which again seem clear. Or is it not? The disparity between the President and the directors $137,422 v $31,000 ($94,280 split three ways rounded out here) is not believable to one executive who deals in these areas. He thinks the real remuneration, especially for Jenny Hill, is actually about $94,000. But whether it totals that from these figures (where there would obviously have to be some accounting error), things get even more interesting if he scroll back to page 20, we find this And this Now these reports can be heavy going even for accountants at times, and impossible for the likes by The Magpie, but our experienced Magpie mate writes: The cost of directors fees and meeting fees for the year are $618,294 (page 20) this would kind of add up to me like 3 directors @ $95k plus the president @ $137k total of $422k leaving another $196k to be accounted for so I think the directors get 95K still and travel and accommodation listed separately as $734,441 (page 20) So all in all, maybe Jenny Hill is worth the money she gets as a director worth it to the LGAQ, anyway, when it presumably is she who calls the shots on the councils membership fees. All this is courtesy of the Townsville ratepayers. The loveliness continues. Oh, and that little mystery. Just this But to be sure, since the LGAQ runs an insurance arm, it will surely be covered for whatever alleged indiscretion did or did not take place either way, it gunna cost. A (un-doctored) Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words A somewhat antiquated clich borne out by an alert reader who reckons his shot in Flinders Street just about sums up Townsvilles quandary. And another reader pic is being repeated across the city at a growing rate. Sloppy unfinished work and weeds all around contractor or council, totally unacceptable, and could be a traffic hazard, especially in the wet. Of course, not all councils can get things right, even the mighty Randwick Council in Sydney which has its own wrestle with signage. Be interesting if a Great Dane owned by a dwarf takes a dump. Did The Townsville Chamber of Commerce Really Think About The Wisdom Of This? Putting an image of a hungry looking porker on the stationery of an outfit representing private business seems a bit risky. But it gets more pointed when it is advertising a Townsville information session for the LGAQs Local Buy mob. Of course, in very small print, the presence of porky is explained as recognition of the Chambers Chinese membership, it is the Year of the Pig. Well, come to think of it, it IS an election year Pot Calling Kettle Award Of The Week. This goes to US Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, addressing an emergency meeting of the Organisation of American States last Wednesday on the unrest in Venezuela, and rescinding recognition of the elected leader. He said: The time for debate is done. The regime of former President Nicholas Maduro is illegitimate. His regime is morally bankrupt, economically incompetent and it is profoundly corrupt. It is undemocratic to the core. All absolutely correct except for two words, and many Americans know which two they are but guess you wouldnt know, Mikey, what a gerbil performance history awaits you, fella. We can shortly expect Trump to recognise Pauline Hanson as Australias legitimate leader, and for the forthcoming elections to be cancelled, since elections have little meaning in Washington. Apparently. But before Trump can make any such declaration how Australia can be governed, he will need the permission of the man behind him. And thats just the start for this week in Trumpistan. And Finally, For A Final Rueful Laugh Or Two. Time and technology play unexpected tricks on us, taking just a few short years to reverse human behaviour. .. Thats it for this week, but as usual, comments are running hot on all sorts of topics, so have your say, comments can be posted 24/7. And if youre in a kindly mood (or just drunk, doesnt matter) a donation to help the old bird keep floating above it all is always appreciated and put to good use. The how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hi-jacking-australia-day-photo-op-fail-shows-that-the-mayor-knows-how-deep-she-is-in-the-electoral-doo-doos/