#her addition was the worst mistake of the show but i also want more of her

[very-straight-blog]

This might sound funny and cringey, but I feel like I lost something I cared about and now it's just sadness and depression. Like it's a TV show, I get it, but we waited 2 years and for what? To get the two worst episodes imaginable. I'm really starting to believe that Sapochnik was responsible for everything good in s1, bcz Condal and Hess ruined this show. S1 wasn't perfect and I didn't like a lot of things in it, but it still managed to keep me invested so I hoped that in s2 everything would be improved. And yet, I'm so terribly disappointed. Alicent's characterization makes no sense anymore, like they want so badly to show her as a bad mother and a hypocrite and really - after ruining bnc with Alicole sex now it had to follow with her not being able to console her son but hoping on Criston is a must do?? What sort of degenerates write this??

Aemond is also ruined for me and I would love to erase that crappy brothel scene from my memory. What was it for? To show his mommy issues, vulnerability... Idc. The dialogue was bad and they did him dirty with the angles and the pose. And now he's apparently going to be there *again* in e3 and we'll get full frontal nudity. Idk why the actor agreed to this since they are obviously making a joke and meme material of his character. Not to mention that he straight up lied in the promos about being loyal (if the RR leaks are true and I'm almost 100% sure they are). I get that they are told what to say, but a more general answer would have been much better than a lie. In brief, one of my favourite s1 characters is also destroyed.

Then Cole. My god, I only waithig for him to look at the camera and say "do you hate me enough already hahah?" He's the writers punching bag atp.

Helaena barely exists.

Otto is Viserys' fanboy and ofc, appalled by his grandson. It's not as he just has lost a son and was forced to take the crown in the first place by him and his mother, no less.

Aegon got more screentime and I love Tom's performance, but I'm not fooled. He is still depicted as weak, politically inept and rash. And he'll still be a bully, apparently. Just to justify his brother's treason. F*ck you Condal, Hess and whoever else is responsible for this mess.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just don't get how anyone can seriously praise this shitshow anymore. It could have been great, but the creators are obviously not up to the task which is now painfully obvious. I wouldn't mind the greens as villains, but don't write them as a walking joke. I'm quitting the show and would like just to forget about it. This adaptation of the Dance was a huge mistake.

I feel you! By the way, I haven't participated in any fandom life, I think, for 10 years or more, but thanks to HOTD, I started this blog, I write some critical (well, kinda) reviews, and English isn't even my native language. I've been waiting for the second season for two years and now I just feel tired and empty. So far, the only thing I've liked about these two episodes is Aegon's storyline, that's all. Everything else is bad, very bad, and judging by the leaks, it'll be even worse.

Firstly, the series has a very strange pace of the narrative. We didn't get a bunch of important plot scenes, and even those that remained were shown in a hurry, but at the same time we have many scenes like "Rhaenyra stares at the dust for three minutes", unnecessary dialogues and PAUSES between lines.

Secondly, again, an insane amount of important plot details are left behind the scenes and this is absolutely wrong. Aemond's return home, the family's reaction to what he did. Aegon's reaction when he learned of his son's death. Aemond's reaction when he finds out what his actions have led to. And so on and so forth. Many of the characters' actions are shown without context. Alicent fucks with Criston - cool, but can I have some additional information? How long has this been going on, what feelings do they have for each other, how have they developed, like, anything? The same can be said about the scene in the brothel - no context.

Thirdly, it's unclear what's going on with the characters, as if the screenwriters decided to make the greens the most unpleasant people in the world. So far, I only like Aegon and Helaena. I can't even say anything about Aemond, because his only dialogue scene is built around Daemon and Luke, damn them. I just can't.

Everything annoys me except Aegon lol. So yes, I understand you.

[nikethestatue]

On the subject of the necklace- don't you think it was icky and cheap of azriel to regift elains gift to glee ? I mean in fae culture jewelry is meant to be seen as a big mate gift- something monumental in their culture . Very icky of him no matter how heartbroken he was to go and give something he planned and had made for elain to a random women. Then worst he uses the line meant for elain - a thing of lovely secret beauty for elain - to describe glee ? In the same sense... why does he care abt how her teal eyes will light up and why does he store that image in his chest where his glows softly ?? I don't want elain with a man who thinks of another women like this - thats just so gross. Especially after he hurt her by calling her a mistake- it drives the msg of her being a mistake home by regifting her gift to the ginger. It shows her it meant nothing to him. That's such a red flag thing to do. Even if the necklace doesn't reach glee....his intention to give it to her doesn't wash away. It's gross for him to give something sentimental to some airhead. He's saying that if elain doesn't want it ...he'll find someone who does want it. Also why did he think to give it to her a whole day later- that means he was thinking of her irrelevant training session the entire day. I support elriel buy sjm needs to make him grovel and coz now he stands as immature and tantrum throwing when things don't go his way at the first sign of trouble. Sure ppl can argue he's being nice or it's glees powers. If he's so nice and felt so pitiful for her why not get her a non sentimental non personal gift. Also I don't believe sjm will make an sa survivor- have weird luring powers. .. so I don't think she lured him into giving her the necklace. None of it makes sense. Wouldn't he see glee wearing if she received every day at training and think of elain ? Imagine how hurt elain would be by first being called a mistake and then see something that was meant for her on another women's neck

So I think you are being a bit harsh.

In terms of 'regifting'--I don't view what he did as 'regifting'. Regifting is conscious. Someone gives me a vase that I don't like. I keep it, knowing that I can give it away next Christmas. Christmas rolls around and I present it to Aunt Mabel. That to me is regifting. What Azriel did wasn't that. He didn't think in advance that he wanted to give the necklace to Gwyn. I don't think he thought of Gwyn at all after meeting her on the roof. We know he was at the snowball fights and trying to murder Rhys with ice and rocks. The day after, when Nesta saw him, he was aloof and angry and didn't talk. It's not like he sauntered over to Gwyn and started chatting her up, or began looking for the necklace on her neck. Or asked Nesta whether Gwyn mentioned receiving a necklace.

He wanted to give the necklace away--what't more, when he finds it in the pile of gifts, he still calls it 'Elain's Necklace'. He associates the necklace squarely with Elain.

He didn't go directly to Gwyn and presented the necklace as if he bought it for her. Not at all. He suggested a random name in addition to 'any priestess that might like it' to Clotho.

I also don't think that he called Elain 'a mistake'. He called what they were about to do, the kiss, a mistake. Obviously it's done for dramatic effect and causes Elain to return the necklace. THat's conflict. It's the same as Nesta telling Cassian at the end of ACOFAS that she doesn't want to see him ever again, and that she is not interested and that he should leave her alone.

The luring bit and Gwyn's SA--i really don't think that SJM is all that concerned about the optics of it. I don't believe it would be sexual luring and therefore, her SA is kind of irrelevant. I think it would be based on her powers, which she really can't just shut down. Whatever is happening with Gwyn and her siren/lightsinger situation--i don't know what SJM is planning to do with it. Like, not at all. I truly have no idea. But no, I don't think SJM would be stopped from writing something like that just because Gwyn was SAed.

Like SJM said--i think it was obvious. The conflict was set up and Gwyn's powers were hinted at again in the POV.

[lullaebies]

What the differences between aegon&helaena in the book compare to what we got in the show, and why do you think that their show!portrayal isn't good? (Didn't read the books)

Let me start this ask by saying that I am a biased blog to ask this and while I try to be objective, I highly rec reading the book and forming your own opinion on the matter. I will list here what I think didn't work in the show, but this is only my opinion from my point of view. This will be a very long ask - apologies. warning as well for spoilers.

Let's start with Helaena because she's a lot easier to go over. The issues with Helaena imo is not that she's better written in the books, she isn't - she has little lines and moments there too, but the problems are as such: she is described as an entirely different person in the books, and while the show is supposed to elaborate on the characters they adapt because the books describes historical figure and hence doesn't have much characterization, the additions to Helaena's character are very shallow and aren't fleshed out at all.

Helaena is not a dreamer in the book, nor does she have some evident hyperfixation on bugs or any neurodivergent traits that we know of. Now these additions would be lovely in the right hands! They even are lovely now, but the neurodivergent rep is tropey (autism comes with superpower trope), and not well done because don't give her much personality beside it. The dreamer plot is nice but overtakes her entire character because practically 95% of her lines are prophecies. We do not see her reacting to any pivotal event in a way that remotely expresses an opinion except "I feel uncomfortable" or "I feel happy."

In the books, we are told she's an active mother, we are told she has had a seat on Aegon's war councils to advocate for peace, we are told she is liked by the smallfolk to some capacity and had a happy personality overall. We are also told she is a bit plumper which is worth mentioning in this section - because everything I just wrote are things that practically erased from the show. So, people are rightfully upset - the Helaena we were described, despite being ingrained in traditional feminine roles, was an active person with her own thoughts and life, and her relatable/more admirable characteristics were erased in favor the show!personality that isn't in accordance to the text and isn't fleshed out enough in order to have her matter to the wide audience. I went on rants before about how she has been made solely a victim and nothing more but I will not get into this here.

As for Aegon, the issue lies with framing, entirely reduced screentime and lack of exploration of young!Aegon in a sympathetic way, the way they actively did not write scenes for him that are positive and have seemingly taken out the cores of his arc and made them not matter.

Aegon II is not a good person in the books, either, do not mistake it. He is not any better of a husband or a person and for his part as a father we don't really know how he was with the kids. That being said, the show has decided to make his absolute worst caricature of him, while taking away any positive quality he could have had or any relatable point to him.

Sunfyre, his dragon, is a big thing for Aegon - he loves the dragon. His sigil is made after Sunfyre. We may not know how involved Aegon was in his children's lives, but we know he raged enough at their demise he wanted to burn Dragonstone to the ground. We also know that Aegon took up the crown in order to defend his family, which is something the show neglected to say. Sunfyre and Aegon's children are two things that in Ep9 appparently Aegon is willing to leave behind to go away on a ship to Essos. It's egregious how butchered he is.

In the books as a child, he didn't get along with the Strong boys - he certainly didn't bully Aemond even if there was rivalry there. In the books, he didn't start the fight at the last supper by sexually harrassing Baela, and in fact, he was the one who got into a fistfight with Jace over the dance with Helaena. This is not about a ship moment here - but the fact the choice was made to make him seem as the instigator in every turn is not only crazy but also extremely unempathetic to him. He has reasons to be angry, you can glean them off of the text - even if it's jealousy, that makes sense - but no, in the show he's just a cunt who is the manifestation of all evil. The fact that we consistently see him naked (as a child, too!!) to portray him as a deviant is unsubtle and has no decorum about it.

He is consistently shown to be the devil in his family despite also being very much a victim in his own circumstances and the hypocrisy does not jive with me. I will not comment on the choice to make him a full on rapist because frankly that is not beyond his character in the books, but for a show that wants people to be conflicted, it was a damn bad choice, especially as other horrible actions to the smallfolk are not nearly as demonized when other characters make them.

Basically, all empathy escaped the writers when they decided to write him, it seems. Most his empathetic lines seem to come from improv by Tom Glynn Carney. They simply chose the worst possible way to go with him, took away the parts of him that made him sort of likable (using this word generously) and left him with self-depreciation that makes him so passive that he has to have his ass dragged to the throne instead of Cole or Aemond convincing him. It's just very clear the writers do not like him, basically. He has his downfalls but he is still human - he still could've had a decent arc and understandable reasons to most of what he does in better hands.

So basically, these are my thoughts. Sorry for the length again, but you did get me on a day where I needed to vent LMAO. Thank you for the ask.

[notmaplemable]

My Proposal For A Generic Sports Show RWBY AU

Yes, I know it's a weird direction for a RWBY AU, just go with it.

I don't know what sport it would be, but here's my cast.

------

Qrow: The elite former player turned alcoholic failure after his career was ruined by... something. Forced to coach the Crap But Nice Protag Team with some sort of penalty if he doesn't. Starts off not really caring and being very frustrated by the poor state of the team. Starts to loosen up, probably stops drinking too, around the midpoint of the story. Probably has a relapse at the end of the 2nd act, maybe a love interest too.

Taiyang: Assistant coach who's mostly there to keep Qrow in line and cheer on Ruby and Yang. He also handles the morale, team cohesion, and physical conditioning stuff. Doesn't have the "eye for strategy" to be the head coach, at least at the start.

Summer: Still dead.

Raven: Still getting milk.

---

Ruby: Still the protagonist and the youngest of the main characters. Has a lot of talent, isn't the most skilled, and has a few areas she's really strong in. But one area she's terrible in, which just so happens to be Yang's specialty. Will make some mistakes that the more experienced players wouldn't. Some think she's really only on the team because her dad's a coach.

Weiss: Was supposed to be on the Elite But Assholes rival team, but left the team when they wanted to move Weiss to a different position, or something like that. With her being blacklisted from most of the other teams for that. She's pretty good, but not much of a team player, which causes some friction on the team.

Blake: Don't really know what to do with Blake honestly. Might have Adam play for the elite team and dump her. So basically she's just playing to spite Adam? Going to have to work on this one.

Yang: Good overall player, but amazing in one area. Definitely a lot of smack talk from her. Tends to make short sighted decisions when she's angry. Which is definitely going to screw the team over at some point.

Jaune: A last minute addition to the team who really doesn't know the sport and is mostly there to be a benchwarmer. Does terribly whenever he does play, at first, but gets better over the story. He'll still be the worst on the team, but better. Gets really good at the strategic side of the sport, kind of becomes a player coach. Definitely coming up with some awesome strategy during The Big Game.

Nora: Nora's just there for fun. She's also pretty good, but I don't really have any big plotline for her yet.

Pyrrha: Amazing player who decided not to play for the upstart team instead of the rivals. The best player on the team by a wide margin. Doesnt really connect with the rest of the team at first though, but she does eventually. 100% getting injured before The Big Game.

Ren: Nora dragged him along.

------

I spent way too long on this.

[catflowerqueen]

So those were some very unexpected revelations today… they do go a long way in explaining why the Creator made Sun and Moon the way they did, though. They were always intended to take the fall and be the black sheep of the Pizzaplex. He wanted them to be violent and bloodthirsty and cause as much chaos as possible because then he could just blame them for all his own misdeeds, and no one would question it. It’s like when Moon was laying those false trails back when he and Sun still lived in the sewer bunker (I think he talked about them right after they faced the Witherstorm? Which actually is very thematically appropriate and could be viewed as foreshadowing given what we learned today). Or what Eclipse did with his memory altering.

It makes me think that the only reason he wanted Sun to exist is because if Moon got too bloodthirsty and became like Bloodmoon, it would be a lot harder to pin some of the more complicated stuff on him/Fazbears would have just scrapped the process from the start. Also, it’s possible that he needed Moon to exist to make the star in the first place—it has been proven both that other universes move at different speeds and timelines don’t always sync up and that the Creator is aware of that fact and knows the contents of many other universes. Assuming he had this awareness independently of Sun and Moon (and wasn’t just using their databanks or something), he would have been aware long before Sun and Moon were created in this universe that it is more often than not a Moon who creates the star. So he made one of his own, and then gave him a Sun to curb the worst of the impulses.

That’s likely why he labels them as “mistakes” and “failures.” Because they moved beyond their initial programming and aren’t doing what he wanted. Moon getting better and doing his best not to be cruel and amoral killer—even though he still likes pranks and such—makes him a much less effective fall guy. And it perfectly explains why he was so incensed about KC not wanting to kill anymore either—it shows how truly independent they all are and how they can and will move against him if given the chance.

Whatever he and his “friends” are planning, I really hope they can be stopped. …And I also hope Earth isn’t aware of what she’s doing. I like her, and her brothers love and cherish her, and she’s so good for both of their mental health… I just hope nothing bad happens to her.

Onto other matters… given Sun’s reminder today that the Computer is based off of Moon’s personality, I’m wondering if it actually has been “snippier” than usual or if it is just that Moon is picking up on it more since the lack of traumatic memories means he doesn’t hate himself as much as he did before. Like—if he was just putting up with it before because he figured he deserved that sort of treatment or something. In addition to the Computer just not processing its grief well/not being able to completely fix itself after having to restore half its AI after the deletion. Or possibly whatever Earth or the Creator has apparently been uploading could be causing some bugs, I guess.

Also, it… hurt to hear how indifferent Moon was to hearing about Lunar, especially when I remember his absolute heartbreak when he told Sun about Lunar moving out. I completely get why he would feel that way, and I don’t blame him, but… it just really hurts.

[spider-xan]

So while I think there's some degree of reading the worst possible interpretations into Van Helsing's words and actions going on, I can also see why his monologue about his plans may be difficult to parse out, even if it's more straightforward than his speeches about corn and tortoises, so here is my attempt at re-writing that part of today's entry in an easier format, and with additional notes:

Cutting off her head and staking vampire Lucy right now is what I (Van Helsing) would and want to do right now because it must be done. But there are big things much more difficult and dangerous than her coming soon that we must prepare for. Lucy isn't dangerous to her own soul or others yet, as she hasn't killed anyone so far, and staking her now would prevent her from killing anyone and forever damning her soul.

But we may want Arthur on our team to fight this bigger threat. Jack, I showed you so much evidence of Lucy's vampirism - the bite marks, the empty coffin, Lucy being back in her coffin today, Lucy's corpse looking better than ever, rather than decomposing after a week, even vampire Lucy running around last night - and you still didn't believe me until right now! So if you didn't after all that, why would Arthur, who knows none of that, believe me? He didn't even understand why I had to stop him kissing Lucy, you know, when she had her fangs out to bite him, and was even speaking with a different spooky voice? He thought I made a mistake, even if he forgave me? If we desecrate her corpse now, then he's going to think we made another mistake and had her buried alive, and then we came back and fucking murdered her for real! He's going to accuse us of killing her over some crazy idea that vampires are real and that she's a vampire, which he doesn't believe! And then he'll be upset forever that we murdered her! But even worse, he'll be in doubt forever, because what if maybe we were right about the vampire thing? Not being certain of the truth is the worst. He's going to have nightmares of her being buried alive and killed by us AND nightmares that she was a damned vampire for real.

But since that time I had to save Arthur from her, when I still wasn't 100% sure about the vampire thing yet, I have learned so much more (from Lucy's papers, the Harker journals, these graveyard date nights with you), and now I know all the vampire folklore and my ideas are all true! Arthur must go through a difficult experience of facing the horrible truth about Lucy, before he can have peace of mind and soul. The poor guy needs that one moment where he has to see his love at her worst, and THEN we can do the right thing and put her and him at peace.

The short version is that while it will be painful for Arthur, Arthur will not believe that Lucy had been turned into a vampire who must be staked to free her soul if he doesn't see her as a vampire with his own eyes, just like Jack - he'll just eventually find out they either murdered (not a vampire) Lucy after she was buried alive, or maybe she really was undead (damned and unable to enter heaven), but the uncertainty would destroy him. So Arthur must confront this truth directly, and only in doing so will he eventually find true peace AND join their greater mission to destroy Dracula, the ultimate vampire who is the real threat to everyone.

[acourtofthought]

Lucien really needs to come first and be happy.

In a way, Gwynriel and Elucien could be the next books.

For me it also depends on the definitive villain, for me the last book and that would close would be Elain's.

But I totally agree that Az currently needs it and it can wait.

I'm of the opinion that the necklace won't even cause drama and that the two women are mature enough not to waste pages and pages with this drama.

And that the story will also start from the point that doesn't even make a difference.

While that's just me I don't think there's any bad feelings or intent to add to this.

And which Sarah just used to show that Elain came out and rejected it in the end, perhaps realizing it's a mistake.

But I think I'm more interested in Lucien's story because Elain's focus is still so little during the 5 books.

When I read Acosf my vibe was wanting to see more of Gwyn, Emerie and I thought I needed an extra well focused on Elain..

But that's because I only got into the vibe of Nesta's book because of the extra bonus.

I agree with so much of what you said.

I write the posts I do which read strongly that Elucien's book is next but that is contingent on the villain, like you said.

At one point, I do think Koschei was the "final" bad guy who would take us through book 2. Because SJM knew who the first two books were going to be about and said the third was possibly going to be a novel set prior to the events of ACOTAR. That means at one point in time, Koschei was never meant to make it to the third spin-off since the third spin-off wasn't even going to be set during the time of Feysand, Nessian, Elucien, etc. So I feel like Nessian was first then Elucien was second. I don't know how this wasn't the lineup at one point considering she said she wanted to write books for both the sisters and had already done research for Elain's book.

But then she wrote SF (and at the same time began to fully flesh out what she wanted to put in the second CC novel which is when she realized the worlds could connect) and she said that while her original plan hadn't changed, the ACOTAR world expanded. Which I think was her referring to the crossover she had planned as well as the idea for additional romantic pairings.

Part of me wonders if her plan is still to address the Koschei storyline in the second spin-off and still write a novel set back in time for the third. Could the third be about Helion and the LoA? Could she have decided to write a book taking us back to the very first war when the Daglan were defeated?

Now that she's contracted for an additional four novels (some of which may be ACOTAR), then it would be an interesting way to resolve the outstanding Koschei / Vassa / Tamlin storylines, taking it back to the time of Fionn before then moving on to the story that results from the information we're about to learn from the crossover.

SJM said the series are meant to stand on their own but I don't know how it's possible for CC3 not to greatly impact the next ACOTAR book unless she decides to rewind and start the next ACOTAR novel shortly after SF in order to build up to the information we eventually learn from CC3.

If you'd never read the CC series then SF would have ended with the issues being Koschei, Spring, Tamlin, the Human Queens, the Trove and the formation of the Valkyries only for the next ACOTAR book to start up with an alien visitor from another world, TT having some connection to Gwydion after being lost in time and space for millennia as well as the possible threat that the original rulers of their world are trying to make it back to take over once again. And suddenly, the threat of Koschei seems laughable compared to all that.

But maybe the Asteri trying to make it back to their original world was a throw away line and Bryce will stop that from happening. Maybe there will never be any real concern that the Asteri could reenter Prythian through the portals. Then that does leave Koschei as the worst villain in ACOTAR so it would make more sense for an Elucien book to be last.

So there's a lot of unanswered questions that make it difficult to figure out who gets the next POV since different answers lead me to think different things. But since SJM loves Avengers movies it makes me think she's going in the direction of the Asteri / Daglan making it back to Prythian and the characters from all worlds will join together in a major battle which means Prythian first needs to avoid a civil war (Elucien type things) before a war of the worlds event occurs.

I, like you, do not think we're going to see any drama with the necklace. I don't think it was ever about the necklace so much as the experience Az had when giving the necklace to each possible love interest. I mean, I do think there is some symbolism to be found between Elain and the charm (seems ordinary, easily dismissed until held to the light - is that not Elain's personality? That no one thinks much about her but there are hints that she'll finally "bloom" when she's away from the NC and in a place of light? With her mate who is the "sun"?). But in relation to Az, it was how he felt after giving the gift to each.

You're right, Elain hasn't gotten much focus and I think so many really enjoyed the Valkyries and their friendship. It's hard not to want to keep the ball rolling once it gets started. But (and I know I'm just repeating myself on this), Elain's ball is only going to get rolling in her book and not in someone else's. She'd be featured in a Gwynriel book even less as she's not related to or friends with either Az or Gwyn and she's supposed to be in the background in the NC. The more SJM keeps her out of focus with the IC, the more it makes sense that she's not supposed to be there. So until SJM gives her a book, I think the Elain we've gotten so far is the only Elain we're going to get

However, I don't think it means nothing that in her bonus Feyre said "let's help one sister before helping the other", that Rhys said Elain is capable of getting her hands dirty, and that SF ended with Nesta placing Elain's rose carving on her father's headstone as a "permanent marker of the beauty and good he’d tried to bring into the world".

These seem very "Elain's time is coming" hints to me.

[tomwambsmilk]

before i stumbled upon your blog just now, i had seen zero (0) imagery of succession.

i did not care about succession. i thought it seemed like not my type of show, boring even (i apologize, my mistake).

i still have no idea what it's about.

i know not anything about your scrimblos more than the first 5 mins of looking at your blog has told me.

but you've intrigued me. I still won't probably see this show (no offense - i haven't even watched through good omens and i Loved that show and follow fanfics of it)

but damn it if i won't follow this blog.

keep up the good fight. milk your men. you keep a high supply of fresh juicy content; and i am a patron of the arts.

You have NO idea how absolutely delightful this ask was to get. We here at Tommy Milk Inc ALWAYS welcome additional patrons, regardless of existing knowledge of succession, affection for Tom, or position on the undefined but definitely very real Succession Political Compass. And I am personally deeply flattered by your enjoyment of my fresh juicy content, which I work so hard (with the help of my compatriots) to keep flowing from the tits of a certain Thomas Wambsgans day and night.

In fact, your ask has inspired me to attempt a bit of a Tommy milk renaissance (or milkaissance, if you will), so if milkposting is a topic which interests you, I'll be reblogging some key posts in the history of this phenomenon in short order.

All that said, while I don't think you need any prior knowledge of succession to appreciate the magical milk flowing from his substantial tits, I thought it might be helpful, for the sake of better enjoying the content, to get a Crash Course in the various Scrimblos of Succession:

Logan Roy - literally the worst. Rolling with lgbt but also deeply homophobic, but also might be falling in love with his son-in-law (source: asked for his help peeing). Obsessed with milk and piss. Got a UTI and almost destroyed his own company over it. Once made several of his execs wrestle each other for sausages on a corporate retreat. Will hopefully die in season 4

Kendall Roy - defender of women. Wants to be Oedipus but is bad at it. Used to do coke off his kids iPads but is now interested in becoming a meth-head (character growth!). Clinically depressed, probably. Technically killed a guy once. Wants to be Jesus sooo bad he almost strapped himself to a cross at his birthday party while performing Billy Joel's "Honesty". Definitely invested in crypto off-screen

Roman Roy - meow meow supreme. Big proponent of sexual harassment. "Scared of pussy" but does like ejaculating onto windows. Thinks "fascism is cool, but also, not really". Tried to send a picture of his dick to the company's general legal counsel and sent it to his father instead. Major daddy's boy but does not know how much milk costs (sad!). Only person on this entire show who's ever been to management training

Shiv Fucking Roy - 1/2 of the show's resident failmarriage. Used to work for Bernie Sanders (succession edition). Asked for an open marriage on her wedding night. Tries to be a #girlboss but is ultimately more of cringefail loser (affectionate). Called her husband manipulative because he tried to talk about his feelings. Representation for women who are their father's daughters (derogatory). Was almost suspiciously excited about the prospect of having sex with another woman in a threesome before Tom had to go and ruin it. Will likely murder him in season 4 (for unrelated reasons)

Connor Roy - running for president and polling VERY close to 1%. Sugar daddy, patron of the arts, and big Napoleon fan. Man of the people (the people who work on his ranch). Occupations: "safeguarding" thousands of acres of New Mexico wilderness, and being on the verge of setting up a podcast about Napoleonic history with significant investment interest. A lack of real-world experience has sometimes been levelled at him. Owns Napoleon's penis. Everyone else keeps forgetting he exists

Tom Wambsgans - babygirl!!!! Other half of the resident failmarriage. Lactates (they haven't addressed this in canon but that doesn't mean it isn't true). Has a Nero kink. Spends a lot of time saying suspiciously sexual things about his father-in-law. Sent his wife's cousin Greg 67 emails with the subject line "You can't make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs" on the first night of his honeymoon. White collar criminal but bad at it. Once started secretly tracking his wife's menstrual cycle so he could pretend to be horny when she was ovulating in the hopes this would convince her to have a baby. Official boar on the floor loser (Karl stole his sausage). Pushed Shiv down the stairs and castrated and married Cousin Greg in the season 3 finale. Has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

Cousin Greg - slick little fuck (affectionate). Tom's executive assistant and corporate sugar baby. Also a white collar criminal but even worse at it. Suing Greenpeace for his inheritance. Has a gay homewrecking dad. Absolutely should go to HR about Tom but won't. Not here for a long time, but also not really having a good time. Generally doesn't know what's going on. Probably entering his villain era in Season 4 (what is he going to do with a soul anyways??). Once asked Tom to prove that he has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

[lifesidefun]

Mom Wrongly Believes Her Son Got Stung By Wasp, His Body Turns Blue

After playing outside, a mom thought her little boy had gotten stung by a wasp. Then, she took a closer look, noticed his body turning blue, and frantically called for help. Elisabeth Nordgarden is the mother of a rambunctious little boy named Kristoffer. Like other kids his age, the typical 3-year-old boy loves being outdoors. From picnics to games, kids simply love to be outside, where they can run and play without a care in the world. However, there can be danger lurking in your own backyard, and although we want our kids to have the freedom to be carefree, we must know the threats they could stumble across. As 3-year-old Kristoffer Nordgarden played outside one warm day, his mother Elisabeth learned this lesson the hard way. Sadly, it was the toddler who painfully paid the price when he experienced first-hand that being barefoot while outdoors comes with its fair share of risks — some that can even be fatal. There’s always the risk of stepping on something sharp or even the occasional wildlife, such as a wasp or bee. So, when her son came running to her, tears streaming down his face, Elisabeth didn’t think it would be anything too serious initially. She never imagined that she was about to face one of the most dramatic events that she had ever experienced. She and her boys were visiting family, Elisabeth told NRK, recalling the day her life was turned upside down. “Then, Kristoffer began to cry a little and climbed onto my lap. We thought he had been stung by a wasp or scratched himself on a branch,” she explained. He had stepped on something alright, and it was wildlife too — but it was far worse than a wasp. She’d soon realize he hadn’t been stung, but rather, bitten. Fifteen minutes after a crying Kristoffer crawled onto his mother’s lap, his foot began to swell and turn blue. That’s when Elisabeth quickly called emergency services. “The ambulance and helicopter arrived quickly. They kept saying it was a viper snake bite, and we were transported to a hospital,” Elisabeth relayed.

Kristoffer was promptly given antivenom and initially began to show signs of improvement, but then, he suddenly took a turn for the worst. He had begun to bleed internally from his intestines, and what started as some bruising on his foot and ankle was about to spread to the rest of his body as practically all of him turned blue and appeared bruised. When doctors measured Kristoffer’s blood volume, it was less than half of what it should have been, and he had quickly lost weight, going from 44 pounds down to 33. He was in a fight for his life, all because of a simple mistake. It took nearly two weeks of being hospitalized, but thankfully, Kristoffer was eventually well enough to go home. He survived, but his battle was extremely difficult, as the picture below shows. Now, his story is serving as a warning for others. While the response to the viper’s bite can vary, children typically are most vulnerable and at risk for deadly reactions. This goes for all venomous snakes, not just vipers, so know which ones are prevalent where you live. In addition, all snakes are much more active during warmer weather when more people are also out in nature. Therefore, there’s a greater chance of encountering one. So, it’s important to wear shoes outside, especially for kids who are playing and not necessarily watching where they are walking. This is definitely something that Elisabeth now pays closer attention to as a parent and requires of her children. Although Kristoffer has taken the horrific experience well, playing outside shortly after returning home, Elisabeth has vowed to be much more cautious. “I have much more respect for vipers now, and I will ensure that my kids wear boots when they go out in areas with high grass in the future,” she said. Prevention is the best way to ensure your own wellbeing as well as that of your loved ones. Know that during cooler months, snakes tend to hide more, but when it’s warm, they could be anywhere, enjoying the sun’s rays just like you. So, it doesn’t hurt to take a quick look around the yard before letting the kids run loose. Remember, not only should we be respectful of wild animals, we must also be cautious of them. Kristoffer is lucky since this could have ended much differently. Now, others can learn from this common mistake that we all make. No one wants to lose a child simply because they didn’t feel like fighting with them to put their shoes on. You never know what’s in the grass. Don’t find out the hard way. Read the full article

[worldsneverfilled]

The 11th Wanderer - Malquis —You Sneaky Bastard of a Husband

This is just something fun I wrote to show the dynamic between Malquis and her husband Aerdeth...along with the joke about naming Wanderers after flowers spelled backward. He’s a little shit when he wants to be, but also a lovable nerd. He’s where Enilasor gets it from.

Standing at a lectern in his office, Aerdeth gently rocked Enilasor in one arm with a pen in the other. Despite the newest addition to their family, there was work to be done. The Autumn Archon's majordomo, Jainier, couldn't do her job and his for several months straight. Either of them could do a week on their own at most, but longer than that, they would fall behind. Even as tired as he was, he couldn't set aside all of his duties.

The lectern held a small book with the records for the estate. He knew there was a mistake somewhere in the financial records; the ledger didn't match the reality. He raised his pen and began writing out the numbers in the air. Enilasor almost dropped the toy she was gumming when the light blue numbers glowed above her, her unaligned, gray eyes going comically wide in wonder. Aerdeth caught the lack of movement in his peripherals and glanced down to witness her enthrallment. Curious little thing.

Even if she couldn't understand him, he started murmuring out each number, which was pulled from the funds for this or that expense, and which was added from what source. At least one person in this world didn't complain about him and his love of numbers and teaching said numbers. Malquis tried her best, bless her, but her thing was more history than numbers; he appreciated the effort to keep up with him and encourage his rambling about money and the economy.

Enilasor babbled at him and reached a tiny, chubby hand out towards the lights. A soft smile tugged at his lips. He was gone for this kid, his little hope in life. She was generally peaceful and unbothered by much—Aerdeth's father joked that a bomb could go off beside her and she wouldn't hear a damn thing if she were asleep—but she did "talk" incessantly. She had a habit of adding her own commentary to whatever discussion was happening around her; most people didn't resist the urge to indulge her sweet little chatter.

On a few occasions, she seemed to reach for something when nothing was there, though. She just giggled and babbled and continued to make grabby hands at the air. His wife was more magically inclined than he was; Aerdeth assumed Enilasor might be seeing threads and whisps of magic or something like Malquis did.

"Now, that number there? The four hundred fifty-eight thousand gold? That paid for new grain silos for the harvest this year. Autumn and Winter predict a much larger yield over the next few months, and they wanted to be prepared for it. 'The worst usually happens when we're unprepared, so better to be ready for every possibility.'" Enilasor cooed in his arm and reached up for his face, grabbing at his nose and warbling around the toy ring as she explored. "Exactly. Be prepared for the best and the worst. Anything, everything, and nothing at all."

He started to say something else, but the door to his office opened with a slam, and Aerdeth nearly came out of his skin at the interruption. His grip around Enilasor tightened on protective reflex, and the pen fell out of his hand. Malquis stood there, pointing at him and glaring with a mix of frustration and amusement. "You! You named our daughter Rosaline backward, you little shit?!"

It took Aerdeth a second to process what she said before he cracked up. About damn time.

"Only took you a few months...other Wanderers did it. I thought we could keep the tradition going." He grinned at her, and she scowled.

"You're a sneaky bastard of a husband. Be glad I love you."

"And be glad that you're not armed?"

"You don't know that I'm not," she mumbled with a sniff.

Aerdeth snorted and slowly made his way across the office. "Darling, we've been together for forty-eight years now. Do you think I can't tell when you're armed with a physical weapon?"

"Besides the point."

Still grinning, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "So, are you actually armed with something?"

Enilasor stopped playing with her father's face and reached for Malquis instead. She indulged her, kissing her forehead, then gently tickling Enilasor's palm with a finger. Enilasor giggled quietly.

Malquis huffed and shot Aerdeth a look; she was smiling, but her tone was almost petulant. "...no."

"That's what I thought." His eyes widened, and he spun away to hurry back to his desk. "Wait! I know where I went wrong..."

Malquis leaned against the doorway, listening to him ramble to Enilasor about the purchase he forgot to document last week. Enilasor was more interested in his jabot, tugging and playing with it. He was oblivious to her newest fixation until she began gumming at the fabric; the taste and texture were far more interesting than her toy's.

He snorted and tried to free the lace. "Oi, you have to listen. This is fantastic news, and it's very important that you understand why..."

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

interesting how i can be the president of the imogen heany hate club AND the president of the imogen heany fan club

[hamliet]

Never Have I Ever... Been So Pleasantly Surprised

Watched the latest season of the teen dramedy that is one of the most nuanced shows in existence at the moment, and it's official: NHIE gets better with each successive season. Which says a lot.

I am generally wary of time-skips, especially when they aren't established precedent, am wary of sudden changes to love interests, am wary of late love interest additions--all of which NHIE Season 3 has. On paper, it looked like something I'd be wary of. In actuality, it creates a story that is a compelling continuation of seasons 1 and 2, sets up a strong final season, and is itself a beautiful exploration of love and growing up.

NHIE is thematically very strong, and it conveys its themes primarily through its focus on relationships of all sorts--family, friends, romantic partners. A great part of growing up is understanding the depths and limits and changes in our relationships, after all. So let's review this by focusing on the different relationships in the show.

Des and Devi

I didn't expect them to introduce a third love interest, so I was skeptical it would work without making the series feel cluttered. To my surprise, it did.

Des is like Paxton and Ben in appeal, which teh show directly states. He's intelligent and motivated, but also super hot. He's also Indian like Devi--really the full package, on paper at least.

Except. Except, Des is also like Paxton and Ben's worst traits combined. Des is, like Paxton, a bit of a coward, and like Ben, he's condescending. Unlike Paxton and Ben, and unlike Devi, Des has no desire to grow. He doesn't even desire to grow up, not truly, which makes him an impossible fit in a season that focuses on growing up, on taking the next steps in life. In this, Des stands in sharp contrast with Paxton, who applied himself, got into college, and graduated, in contrast with Ben, who learned he needed to rest and focus on more than just his ambitions, in contrast with Trent who grew emotionally through Eleanor challenging him to make amends with Paxton just as Devi challenged Paxton to make amends with his exes, and in contrast with Devi...

Nalini and Devi

One of the chief ways Devi grows this season is that she comes to understand that growing up isn't just about having sex and a boyfriend and college. It's also about asking for what you need from loved ones, about looking back at mistakes with compassion for yourself, and about appreciating the dreams that got us to where we are now, even if they are not our forever dreams. Life is a series of steps, which Devi comes to understand.

I have loved seeing Nalini's relationship with her daughter develop over the course of the story. Instead of punishing Devi for dating without her permission, when she finds out Devi and Paxton broke up, she consoles her daughter. Prioritizing Devi's feelings over the simple rules shows growth for Nalini... growth that was further emphasized with the Des and Rhaya disaster later on.

When Nalini tells off Rhaya for what she says about Devi, I was cheering. Finally. She points out all that Devi has been through and Devi's own strength, and refuses to allow any mistakes Devi might have made to distract from Rhaya's own issues. She defends her daughter, and shows how proud she is of Devi.

Nalini's contrast with Rhaya was also intriguing. Nalini's a flawed mom, make no mistake, but she's come a long way from her harshness towards Devi in season 1. Rhaya seems like a supportive mom on the surface, the opposite of harsh, but the reality is that by coddling Des, she's creating a mommy's boy. And I don't mean that in a complimentary sense. Des is weak. When he makes mistakes, Rhaya coddles him and can't possibly believe it could be his fault. As a result, Des is a far weaker person than Devi. He's afraid to stand up for what he wants, and he's afraid to stand up for his loved ones. He's all talk and no action. Rhaya's coddling is actually much more controlling that Nalini's strict rules for Devi, and even worse, it actually works in making Des subservient to her.

As for Nalini herself, I personally hope her relationship with Dr. Jackson comes back in season 4, since Ben/Devi should get focus, and Nalini's romance with Dr. Jackson seemed a clear parallel to Ben/Devi.

Eleanor and Trent

Eleanor and Trent are the couple I never expected to work, and yet they work so well. They're weirdly in sync despite being so different. I love them. When Trent strode in to fulfill Eleanor's dramatic fantasy of her first time, without even knowing about it--just--that was one of the best first time scenes I've ever seen and it was just as zany and weird and touching as these characters are.

Fabiola, Eve, Aneesa, and Addison

As for Fab... I'm a bit sad about her relationship with Eve ending, but not that sad because we didn't really know much about Eve. I had hoped that Eve would get fleshed out, though, but alas, not to be.

I do like Addison, a lot in fact, but I also hope that if Addison sticks around, they flesh them out since they have no more personality than Eve did (lots of great chemistry with Fab, though). Actually, I think the writers should flesh Addison. out, because if the only relationship where the love interests remain fairly one-note and personality-less is the queer one... not great.

Aneesa continues to be somewhat of an oxymoron for me. I really like her. And yet everything about her is just stick-on, which is probably a testament to Megan Suri's charisma. She's not really much of a character in her own right. The eating disorder never came up again, nor did her being a Muslim, which is fine, except that these were framed as important earlier, and then they weren't. Same with her being bisexual. I just can't be interested if she's just kind of there, but she's fun to have around.

Kamala, Manish, Prashant, and Pati

Pati is a savage. She is so a Regina George, and she has a frenemy, and I want her to direct my life.

Just kidding.

But in all honesty, I love her and how her concern for Kamala actually breaks up the family for a bit. Kamala's refusal to listen about Manish is actually the perfect bookend to her arc in season 1. In season 1, Kamala did not stand up for her romance with Steve to her traditional family, despite Steve wanting her to. However, Steve was a dick who had zero appreciation for Indian culture. Prashant was much better, and rooted in Indian culture, but still, ultimately he and Kamala were not compatible.

But Manish is a good foil to both previous love interests. He's Indian-American, but he doesn't know pretty much anything about Indian culture. Unlike Steve, however, he's very eager to learn, because he knows it's important to Kamala and her family. That Kamala does stand up to her family to defend him really shows how she's grown, and also shows that this is the right relationship for her.

As for Kamala, I think her arc is pretty much done. The only top-off I think left is for her to decide whether or not to marry Manish (and the answer, I think, should be yes, for her character arc). I love her breaking up with Prashant in that it is shown that what she did to Prashant was really hurtful, and frankly wrong. However, they ultimately want different things, and that's okay. Not every relationship has to be forever for it to matter.

Which brings me to...

Devi and Paxton

Like with the Kamala-Prashant-Manish triangle, the Devi-Paxton-Ben triangle is well handled. No one is demonized, and no one is the right choice. It's more about how the characters come into their own as burgeoning adults, and how they make each other better.

Devi's development this season was lovely. I love Devi, but she was driving me absolutely insane with her overanalyzing everything with Paxton the first few episodes. Yet by the time the season was over, her maturity was evident, believable, and inspiring. She listens to her therapist more, she comes to understand herself, and she is more mature in her relationships with her friends and family. This is most evident through her changing relationship with Paxton.

I've said before that Devi and Ben are clearly endgame, but that they could never be together if it weren't for Devi and Paxton getting together in the meantime. I stand by that based on this season. But Paxton doesn't just help Devi grow (and vice versa): he helps Ben grow too.

Like with Kamala, I also think Paxton's arc is basically finished, but I do think he'll stick around to influence Ben's arc as Ben tries to decide about Margot and Devi. (Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Ben is the one who needs to grow the most next season rather than Devi!)

What I've always liked about Paxton's character is his inherent contradiction: he's at once very brave (think protecting Rebecca), and also has cowardice as his worst flaw (avoiding girls he sleeps with, being afraid to be seen dating Devi, etc.) His cowardice comes from his own insecurities, and having him fess up and own his mistakes this season, plus make reparations for them, was great. He also then realizes, when he's chosen to speak for graduation, that he cannot control what others think of him.

The facts are still that he was chosen to speak because his peers want to see him do a sexy dance or something, and because he's hot. However, Paxton makes the final choice to say no to cowardice about others' expectations and assert who he is: he uses his speech to show how much he's changed.

The ending scene where Devi thanks Paxton after his graduation speech for being her dream was probably one of my favorite scenes of the entire series. The brilliant way it explores grief--and does so without cheapening Devi's silly teenage crush, instead showing how powerful it can be--really stands out in a sea of condescending "choose the right guy, not the one you have a crush on, silly girl" fare directed at teenage girls today. Paxton helped Devi walk again. He helped her love. He showed her she had value. They don't have to be endgame for that to be the case, and their enduring friendship testifies to this.

Ben and Devi

Devi then having a touching moment with her mom and then going to have sex with Ben as the season's last scene was beautiful. Devi's relationships with her friends, her boyfriends, and her family aren't islands that exist of themselves. Instead, they feed off of and into one another. Through Nalini listening to her and encouraging her, through her being able to voice her true feelings for Paxton, she's able to be brave enough to go after what she wants: to have sex, and to have sex with Ben.

Whether or not Ben is mature enough to have a relationship with Devi, though, I don't know. I kind of think this is set up as the major conflict next season. Ben still thinks Devi is leaving for Shrubland, and he's planning dates with Margot.

But Margot, like Aneesa, is probably important for Ben to finally decide to be with Devi. If Aneesa called Ben on his condescension, Margot encourages Ben to look at the world through a more emotional lens, to appreciate the beauty of life instead of always focusing on winning. And when Ben eventually chooses Devi (and he will) he's going to have to choose her because she's beautiful to him, not because he wins her from Paxton.

[helenazbmrskai]

This Summer

Guess who’s back with another yoongi fic featuring my favourite trope so here’s another brother’s best friend au, I wanted to try a different setting for this one since I like summer camp aus a lot (and there’s not enough of it on this site I tell you) and I never did something similar to this also I’m sorry that there will be mistakes in here because I wrote this in three days but I’ll proofread it once I have the energy.

🏕️Title: ‹This Summer›

🏕️Pairing: ‹brother’s best friend and camp counsellor! yoongi x new camp counsellor! reader ft. brother and camp counsellor! hoseok›

🏕️Genre: ‹brother’s best friend, summer camp, camp counsellor, romance, fluff, angst, smut, idiots to lovers›

🏕️Summary: ‹This summer you’re going to stop liking min yoongi for good. The plan is flawless until it’s not (but you’re not the only one with plans.)›

🏕️Warnings: ‹smut, making out, oral (both parties) receiving, penetrative sex, condom sex, dirty talk, yoongi is jealous of jungkook having your boobs against his chest, y/n avoids yoongi like it’s her life mission for like 5k straight, a lot of angst but there will be fluff too so don’t worry, awkward tension, sexual tension, clueless hobi, everyone is stupid in this, jungkook likes meddling with y/n’s life a little bit too much, poor tae facing yoongi’s wrath without any reason lol›

🏕️Word count: ‹12.3k›

🏕️Masterlist l read radio sweethearts if you want another brother's best friend yoongi l enjoy!

Your brother is a ticking time bomb, no one knows when he’s going to take something into his head, he’s that annoying sibling that’s always full of energy and twists everyone around his pinky finger on family dinners. You love him with your whole heart, considering you ripped that mean girl’s hair out in elementary school when she called your baby brother (who is older than you but shh) ugly and made him cry.

Hoseok and you are polar opposites he’s cheery and positive always have a big smile on his face, ready to help all the old ladies with heavy shopping bags cross the street while you’re on the quiet side and often misunderstood.

It’s easy to see on holiday dinners and get-togethers that your relatives favour him over you because you’re less talkative and friendly, he has better achievements in life whilst you struggle with school but those you’re close with know the real you and awkward conversations about your nonexistent boyfriend because you’re so deeply in love with your brother’s best friend is not the best ice breaker your distant grandmas try to pull on you. Even so, when Yoongi decides to tag along to those said dinners accompanied by his parents and little sister, might just hell break loose.

The second man who basically acts like he lives in your house is your best friend slash knight in shining armour and partner in crime; simply named Jeon Jungkook for good measure who is your next-door neighbour. You have tons of unforgettable memories with him as he was the one you went to prom with, annoyed all the teachers on field trips with your loud rap battles and cried on each other's shoulders as you graduated high school together.

Your friendship with him came as a surprise to all your family members as they originally thought your brother and him will become close but instead, he spent most of his time with you while yoongi and hoseok with their other friends hang out separately. On rare occasions, your group would mix and go to see a popular movie or play games at the arcade on someone’s birthday.

Summer usually is the time when things are a little slow. No assignments to do or classes to attend, your brother leaves in early July for this summer camp that’s half a day far away from your home with his friends and the last two summers even Jungkook applied to be a camp counsellor as he likes to be surrounded by kids and nature just like your brother does so literally, everyone left for some time leaving you alone in your hometown with nothing to do but it was better this way because away from Hoseok meant that Yoongi will be far away too.

Your brother tries to persuade you every year to go with them but you always have to decline, sometimes your no is firmer than other times because Hoseok is excellent at using his puppy eyes on you.

However, this summer you had other plans. There’s no bell to ring once the last class is dismissed for the semester, tired from your finals you’re going to dedicate at least a week to catch up on your sleep and fix your eating habits but you have a big smile on your face as you climb into Jungkook’s run-down Ford slamming the car door behind your body since they don’t function properly sometimes. This car is his prized possession, got it for his 18th birthday after he successfully passed his test (at the forth try) and bragged about his driving license to you for over two weeks although you only dared to sit next to him after two months. Jungkook named his car Adonis and forbid you of disrespecting his little baby if you want to ever get a lift so you let him be.

Back to your important inner turmoil, you decided you will no longer simp over Min Yoongi your brother’s best friend and this summer you’ll get over him as a grown-up woman. Being in your second year at the local University that all the boys attend it’s surprisingly easy to avoid your brother and his friends and how everyone’s schedule seems to be so packed all the time during the semester, you don’t see them as much as you used to in high school.

”This was your last final, right?” Jungkook turns the ignition key ready to leave this hellhole of a place, holding your headrest with one hand as he turns to see the back of the car so he can back out of the parking lot without any accidents. You grab the smoothie from the cup holder before humming in agreement and take a sip whilst taking in your best friend’s features you haven’t seen for the past week.

”As soon as I get home I’m going to sleep till the next century.” Your dramatic response earns a chuckle and a jab to your left boob as he didn’t take his eyes off the road while delivering his hit. Jungkook wears his signature white tee with a pair of dark blue jeans no traces are left of the stress both of you went under, he was luckier than you as his finals ended a week ago.

”School sucks, we couldn’t even have fun together and I’m leaving next week. I’m going to miss you, you know. You really won’t come with us?” He tried to make you rethink your decision just like your brother but not even his bambi eyes can waver your summer plans, this time you fully intend to have one more Min Yoongiless summer, this silly crush you have on your brother’s best friend can’t continue.

”There’s always one place left for you at the camp Y/N. Hoseok would love to see you there too and we could spend so much time together.” The idea of spending a few weeks with Jungkook sounds nice but a voice in your head reminds you that Yoongi will be there too. He could be yelling at children and wear his trademark grumpy expression but you would still find something attractive about him. The worst part is that he’s never like that with you.

Yoongi is not as talkative as Jungkook or Hoseok, making him be more like you, at first you thought that your crush developed because he seemed to understand you in a different way your brother couldn’t. He cares for his friends, always making sure to show them by doing thoughtful gestures.

Hoseok tells his friends all the time that you and him are a package deal it’s either both of you or none of you, sometimes people have a problem with that but these five boys he hangs out with for years now are the good exception. You like them even though you don’t like all of Hoseok’s friends.

”I’m sorry Koo but I can’t, we talked about this before.” It’s not like you hate children because you don’t you’re not the best with them but they are ok, the heatwave is what you despise in summer camps. You love being in an air-conditioned place without bug bites all-around your ankles and not even the campfire with yummy marshmallows could persuade you to like outdoor activities.

Summer camps are just not your thing.

”What do you mean you signed me up?” The black t-shirt slips through your fingertips, it has a band logo at the front you remember Hoseok liked back in high school, his suitcase is halfway filled with clothes when he decided to tell you he faked your signature to sign you up as the new summer camp counsellor.

You admit that you have a weird talent for making nice origamis that kids would probably love to learn and a good addition to the routine activities, he would have swayed you with compliments if it weren’t for the fact that he faked your signature and signed you up for something you definitely said no to but still decided to do it without your permission. You heard nice things about the camp itself since it got renovated two years ago and Hoseok’s friends are nice people, he said their co-workers are nice people and your best friend would be there too, don’t get the wrong impression there, you even heard that the camp leader Seokjin is nice and a fun person not strict at all unless it concerns the kid's safety because he will not allow that.

”Don’t be mad, please. Jungkook and I just thought that this could be a fun experience for you, things will get busy next year so it’s going to be the last summer together like this. Pretty please?”

You sighed defeatedly as you can’t possibly say no to that when he phrases it like that. Hoseok looks at you with his round big eyes full of hope. Your summer plan was flawless until…it’s not.

Jungkook came almost knocking down your front door when you called him to come over after you were finally done helping Hoseok finish packing for the trip, you scolded your best friend for not stopping your brother as soon as he learned his scheme about ruining your summer plans you felt furious but he picked up on his way over to your house your favourite coffee flavoured candies and it made you forgive him too easily as you were soon munching on the treat.

It’s a huge disadvantage on your part that he knows your preferences so well. Now you can understand why he always seems so frustrated with you when you make him his favourite dish to get him to forgive you, this is just too much power to have over someone and when he crushes you with his tight hug listing out the things the two of you can do at the camp all of your remaining anger vanishes.

You will think about Min Yoongi later.

That later, however, comes sooner than you anticipated. Sitting on the kitchen stool drinking your coffee while all Hoseok’s noisy friends get a fill of breakfast and a cup of coffee, you have the unfortunate fate of housing all the boys to dine before getting on the road and after a lost rock, paper, scissors thanks to your brother’s ridiculous bad luck you become the host.

The kitchen got filled with animated chit-chats as they place a toast or two on their plates over the noises you almost don’t hear Jungkook next to you asking for the jam but you pass him the jar silently. Yoongi and Jimin are the only ones missing from the group because Yoongi has to drive Jimin to his parent’s place to pick up his car that he got repaired recently so they were running a bit late.

Namjoon is a new addition to the group after Hoseok met him in Uni so you don’t know him that well but he’s nice as far as you’re concerned, you talked to him a few times and his interesting topics never fail to entertain you. Jin steals a toast from Namjoon’s plate so he doesn’t need to get up and fetch one for himself but Namjoon looks too tired to care as he munches on his remaining one toast that his friend can’t steal because it’s halfway in his mouth.

Seokjin’s parents run the bakery on the main road so everyone knows him, he got introduced to the friend group when you were still in high school and you and Jungkook were regulars at the shop. Jin always sneaked a pair of baguettes for the two of you exclusively after you were finished with school.

It’s nice to see all these familiar faces after the stressful semester you had, momentarily forgetting about your problems you feel thankful that Hoseok went out of his way to ruin your plans and sign you up for this train wreck of an adventure, it’s been a while since everyone was together like this.

The doorbell rang interrupting Jungkook and Seokjin’s argument about who’s going to get the last toast piece but Hoseok perked up at the sound yelling excitedly that Yoongi and Jimin are here. Your brother quickens his pace after rising from his seat to open the door for them and grins when they step through the threshold.

Greetings are exchanged between friends and the place becomes livelier as the last pieces decide to join the puzzle, Jimin sees you first and knocks into Jungkook’s shoulder while he tries to get to you to give you a warm hug.

It’s been a while since you last saw Yoongi face to face, you’re added to the boy's group chat so in some depth you knew how he’s doing. He has been over at your house a few times hanging out with Hoseok but you always stayed late inside the library on the days he visited using the weak excuse that you need to catch up on school work so you had no chance of crossing paths with him coincidently while you were searching for a glass of water in the kitchen it’s humiliating enough that he saw you exit your bathroom wearing only a towel when you were a teenager.

Your curves became more defined and your body matured a lot over the years and knowing that he saw you like that when you had no ass or boobs. It’s embarrassing. Hoseok liked you that way because it meant no man would thirst over you as he liked to call it. The memory of him telling the boys that you’re off-limits and made them swear at the ’bro code’ to stay away from you is crystal clear in your mind even if now you are in your twenties.

The memory only makes your situation difficult as Yoongi probably doesn’t feel the same way.

As soon as Jimin steps back and releases you from the hug he has Jungkook in a headlock the next second, wrestling with the younger playfully, Jungkook is probably the closest to Jimin after you.

”Hey, it’s nice to see you.”

Yoongi has a half-smile on his face as he approaches you hesitantly pulling you into a hug like Jimin did but his approach is more gentle and careful as he pats your back with featherlight touches. His scent envelops your senses tuning out everything else that’s not him, it feels like forever that you hugged him, normally the two of you greet each other but rarely hug like this.

”Yeah, you too.” You murmur the words into his shoulder but he must have heard you because the side of his lips turned slightly upwards after you separate.

There are two cars available for the eight of you and Seokjin yells that it’s a matter of a game of rock, paper, scissors and everyone agrees as this is the common way your group chose who is riding with who.

”Easy, the losers ride with Jimin and the winners with Yoongs.” Jungkook is the first one to initiate the rules and everyone agrees except Jimin who whines about why he takes the losers but no one pays attention as the bloody battle starts. The first contestants are Namjoon and Hoseok and your brother ends up loosing while yelling like a banshee and making up excuses that he wanted to show rock and not paper as Namjoon choose scissors as his weapon.

You come up next with Jungkook as your opponent and you let a wicked smile appear on your face because no one knows him better than you, you know his move before he even thinks it through and you show paper getting your well-deserved victory.

Just later you realise that winners ride with Yoongi that you reconsider your decision, you were so caught up in your rivalry that’s your friendship’s base foundation with Jungkook at this point that it slipped your mind entirely.

Taehyung and Jin are the last ones to compete and the battle ends with Taehyung winning the last space in Yoongi’s car leaving Seokjin to dramatically kneel like a wounded soldier making fake sobbing noises. Taehyung ends up changing seats with Jungkook last moment and finally, everything is set to get going.

Jungkook and Namjoon take over the backseat as they loaded their luggage at lightning speed so they can claim their spot first leaving you with the only option to have the passenger seat at the front.

Yoongi obviously got behind the steering wheel entrusted with the task of operating the car throughout this long drive to the summer camp sight. Taehyung, Jin and Hoseok got into Jimin’s car like it was decided by the game.

The camp is bigger than you expected and the renovations got the place a little modern touch to it while still maintaining a close feel to nature with all the wooden houses and trees around but your favourite part is the lake at the far end of the campsite.

You share a room with a girl counsellor that spends her second year here, still, relatively new like yourself so it’s easy to befriend her. The campers will arrive the next day early in the morning Areum informs you as you two walk to the dining area to have the first meeting before everything starts.

By the end of the day, everyone knows you’re Hoseok’s little sister and new people approach you every now and then to confirm the facts and know a little bit more about you since everyone seems to like your noisy brother here (not that it surprises you), it looks like the counsellors are excited to start a new summer here and the atmosphere easily pulls you in, you watch Jimin and Jungkook have a water fight just to catch in the corner of your eye the figure of your brother pushing an unsuspecting Seokjin into the lake when he stands too close to the edge.

The day goes by like a flash as you hang out with Areum, she shows you her favourite places that consists of the greenhouse and the other side of the lake where there are built benches and tables for outdoor picnics.

Jungkook pouts during dinner fake crying that you replaced him and you have to forcefully spoon feed him to stop him from embarrassing you in front of all these unfamiliar people that gathered to have some quiet dinner. So everything goes smoothly, you have such a great time that it scares you.

It’s getting pretty late when all counsellors gather around the campfire to roast marshmallows and catch up with each other’s lives, you’re still new so you use this time to get to know Areum a little bit more since you and her are going to be responsible for entertaining the kids inside the art room alongside with Taehyung who teaches the kids how to paint.

You tell her about your silly hobby that landed you this job and she gets really excited to see your origami creations, you show the same enthusiasm when she reveals her major is classical statuary.

Even though Yoongi was always nearby it got easy to ignore his existence when so many new things surrounded you. It didn’t mean he fully left your thoughts throughout the day but made you feel that sense of false security that you could get over him. That all those years of pinning for your brother’s best friend could just vanish if you told your heart to stop skipping beats when he calls your name. Boose soon gets introduced to the mix and by the time midnight rolls around everyone is pleasantly buzzed and when Jungkook enters the state that he hangs off of you like a koala nuzzling his cheek into the crook of your neck you decided to call it a night.

You wake up with your head thumping inside your skull slightly feeling hangover; your roommate is in a similar state as you two approach the dining room getting small slices of bread to make a light sandwich.

You’re mid-bite into your food when you see Yoongi enter, walking alongside with your brother he catches your gaze sooner than you were able to look away and after they get their fills on their trays your loud brother flops down next to you with the loudest greeting that he could possibly muster up alerting everyone in the ten-metre radius.

Yoongi and you groan at the same time telling him to shut up like it’s a scripted response and your eyes meet for the barest of seconds before you focus on your half-eaten sandwich.

It’s hard not to look at him. Despite his gruff exterior, he’s very good at dealing with children, your activity where kids can learn how to fold origami is always after his cookie baking lesson and he smells like rough cookie dough and chocolate ship when he leads the kids into the art room where you would have all the coloured papers ready at each desk and folded a sample beforehand so they can use it as a reference if the instructions don’t look clear enough in the printed page.

The idea for this lesson formed last night, you were up all night as you researched on the internet how to fold hearts. It kept you up till the sun rose as you were trying out every folding technique that would look pretty but easier to do for the kids, you even accidentally cut your finger with the scissor while you were working using only the faint light from the lamp on the bedside table.

Yoongi greets you like he usually would wearing a little smile at the corners as he lets the kids inside first holding the door open for them, he always leaves silently after he delivered the campers to the art room but this time the door slides closed behind his form as he got dragged into the room by a kid named Minsung holding onto Yoongi’s hand he stood awkwardly while everyone else had a decided seat to take.

”Can Yoongi join us today Y/N?” Minsung asks holding Yoongi’s hand as he leads him further into the art room and every kid looks expectantly at you waiting for you to agree and seeing their faces you nod with a smile pulling out the chair next to you beckoning the embarrassed man to sit beside you.

He didn’t think you would say yes if he’s being honest. After you finished high school and he and Hoseok went to University and got busy with life he started to see you less and less, at first he didn’t think much of it but after some time it looked like that you’re actively avoiding him.

He has no idea why (that’s what eats him from the inside out on sleepless nights) he doesn’t remember saying or doing something that would make you upset and even now when you keep bumping into each other you seem skittish around him and he doesn’t like that, hence he even talked to Hoseok about this and your own brother couldn’t give him an answer why you started avoiding him.

”Do you know how to fold origami?” You ask him slipping papers in front of him as soon as he seats himself beside you, your heart beats inside your chest violently when you get enveloped in his scent yet again reminding you of the hug you shared that you’re afraid he’s going to hear it.

”I barely know how to fold my clothes.” The nervous joke lightens the mood as the kids laugh loudly the poor attempt at making you be more comfortable with him earns a little snort that makes a blush creep up your face rapidly in embarrassment but Yoongi thinks you sound adorable. You think you sounded like a troll.

”It’s fine I’ll help you.” Your little smile is still there even though your eyes are no longer on Yoongi as you focus on the kids, you tell them first what they will make and then go into detail how they can fold it while using the instructions and clearing some of the confusing images for them to understand it better. Lastly, you encourage them to not be afraid to ask if they have questions and you’ll gladly help them. It falls silent after as everyone gets absorbed in their work and you start making extra origamis for the children as usual until someone needs help.

Yoongi looks intent on finding out using the illustrations how to proceed and even though your instructions were pretty clear and well detailed he couldn’t figure out how to do it, he wastes two papers before he even got to the third step.

You see him struggling and he clearly gets worked up over it considering the number of creases appearing on his forehead once you get back to your desk after helping a kid figure out the instructions you move your chair closer getting his attention with the movement, your knees touch in the process but neither of you makes any moves to instal more distance between your bodies.

”Can I show you?” You reach for the scrambled paper but stop midway to look up and ask for permission.

Yoongi nods his head sliding the mess closer to you, observing as you unfold the paper and restart making more accurate lines and you immediately see what’s wrong with his shape. His measurements are off, even when he folded the paper in half that seemed uneven because he tried to fold it in one go and the paper sometimes moves around if you’re not careful enough.

After you fixed it and slid the paper to be in front of him you tell him your advice in a soft-spoken way. Heart still hammering inside your chest due to the closeness you share. ”Don’t rush through the steps, take your time while you fold it.” Your fingers touch briefly when you pass him the paper and you resume your working so it would take away from the embarrassment of how loud your heart beats because of him.

He looks so good today wearing a black oversized t-shirt with small prints in the front and even when his hair is damp with sweat his smile is able to melt your resolves any time you gaze up at those dark eyes.

Kids can be very attentive and they easily see how Y/N looks so smitten with Yoongi if those stolen sideway glances are anything to go by, every time he shows up you became a nervous ball of a mess it’s not rocket science to know you have a huge crush on the boy, the only mystery that campers can’t figure out is why you tiptoe around each other when Yoongi doesn’t seem indifferent either.

They often catch him looking at you as they run around the campsite during leisure activities led by Hoseok.

Minsung and Soohyung share a knowing smile as they watch them fold origami and it’s not overlooked by either of them when you focus back to do your work and Yoongi takes glances in your direction mesmerized by you, the task seems easy when he watches you do it.

A knock is followed by the appearance of your camp leader Seokjin leaning onto the doorframe interrupting your little bubble, looking at the kids with a fond expression before he addresses Yoongi and they leave together to discuss something, the activity is almost over as you learn glancing at the clock and Jungkook soon appears where Jin was a little while ago to get the kids.

Jungkook and your brother are the ones responsible for the outdoor activities and at the end of the day not only the kids are tired but their counsellors too by constantly running around to ensure everyone's safety.

Yoongi wanted to talk to you and help you clean up, have a real conversation in private, but things never turn out as he wants them to there seems to be always an obstacle standing between you two so he follows Jin to discuss a camp-related issue while he wishes he could spend a little more time with you.

If only you would tell him what he did wrong so he can fix it, this awkward state you two got stuck in makes him sad for some reason.

There was a time when you were greeting him with a big smile on your face and ask him about his day, he vividly remembers your chubbier cheeks and crooked teeth when you were younger but he doesn’t mind your feminine growth over the years, Yoongi always thought you will grow up to be a beautiful woman.

He remembers your prom dress, it was in a navy blue colour that complimented your fuller curves he only started to notice in your last year in high school, Jungkook posed beside you like you were Mr and Mrs Smith as your parents took pictures of you two and he found himself smiling fondly at you.

It was Hoseok’s birthday when the air shifted from platonic to something else in the short span of ten seconds, both of you were a little tipsy and you were sitting at a corner table together because neither of you wanted to hit the dance floor, the bar was packed and guys tried to hit on you numerous times just to be chased away by your brother���s antics.

You didn’t seem to mind that he prevented every guy from making a move on you and as you were all alone in a small booth chest to chest to hear each other over the loud music while you tried to tell him a story about Jungkook choking on fries at Mcdonalds when the waitress suddenly slipped her number scribbled onto a napkin trying not to ugly laugh yourself. His nose accidentally bumped into yours as he suppressed a laugh and if the others didn’t choose that exact moment to take a breather and have more drinks he thinks he would have probably kissed you right then and there.

The other time he felt something different while he was around you was when you and his friends took a trip to Busan to see the sea and you wore that one piece bikini, the bottom and top half were connected by a line of fabric but let your sides and hips be visible under the little clothing you had on.

Guys turned their heads when you passed them and he couldn’t even blame them like Hoseok because he looked at you a few times as well trying to seem as subtle as he possibly can since Hoseok otherwise would have killed him knowing that his best friend was ogling at his little sister.

”Don’t you dare!” Your yelling draws the attention of the kids and counsellors equally that’s how loud you are as your best friend approaches your form sitting under the umbrella trying to cool yourself down since today’s temperate is insanely (and unreasonably) hot. ”When we get home I’ll draw all your action figures a moustache using permanent markers. I’m not joking stop right there!”

Your horrific expression is validated since Jungkook has this shit-eating grin on his face when he’s about to do something you’ll most definitely not like, knowing him from your early stage of childhood when he was just a lanky anime fanatic and you were flat like a wooden board with huge pimples you’re an expert at distinguishing his different expressions and actions.

”You’re cute to think that will stop me.” Jungkook chuckles grabbing you by the waist as he drapes you over his shoulder effortlessly walking with you to the edge of the lake despite your efforts to break free from his grip, your friend jumps into the water with you still firmly clinging onto his body. The kids around you laugh at your friendly banter as you rise from the water like a lake monster and you duck Jungkook’s head underwater to make him pay for your ruined clothes and makeup.

Coming to help you, Jimin manoeuvres his boat next to you and stretches his hand out followed by a big grin to drag you out of the lake but it appears to be more difficult as you two almost flip over but you manage to unceremonially flop down next to him dragging your fingers through your hair to get the hairs out of your face.

”You really want war, Jeon. Just you wait but don’t blame me if I shave your hair off while you’re sleeping.” Coughing between your threatening words Jimin starts patting your back, rubbing your spine to help you feel better.

Jimin oars closer to the dock and you land your feet on the ground again without any more incidents occurring while Jungkook swims all the way, making comments about your appearance making the campers giggle alongside with him as your face gets warmer, once both of you are secure on land Jungkook hugs you close despite your distaste, your clothes cling to your body uncomfortably and droplets from his hair land on your cheek as he moulds your bodies together.

”Let me go, I’m not talking to you.” You try to push him away but instead of letting you go he scoops you up from the ground and spins you around, begging for your forgiveness but you don’t give in so easily.

Yoongi observes the scenes before him with a sour expression, he doesn’t even realise how he glares at Jungkook holding you that close to him while both of you are dripping of lake water, your boobs are entirely pushed against his chest as your best friend giggles midst of you struggling to break free.

Next to him Hoseok sits relaxed in his chair sipping his cold drink, shaking his head in faux amusement happy to see you have a good time here, your brother is normally very protective of you when it comes to guys but with Jungkook he knows that you guys are just best friends it’s hard to see you two otherwise when he witnessed your first period crying onto Jungkook’s shoulder that you’re going to bleed out and your poor friend almost dragged you to the hospital because he thought you were being real but soon learned that you overdramatise things when it’s that time of the month.

He often finds you in a weird position while you watch tv with Jungkook’s head on your tummy because the pressure and warmth of his head make the pain more bearable cuddling under blankets because you get needy when you’re on your period, your brother knows all of this because when your best friend is unavailable he has to fill the space and lay his head on your stomach until the feeling goes away.

He had his doubts in the early stage of your budding friendship when you first started to hang out with each other because things can get weird easily between friends if they are not the same gender but Jungkook proved to Hoseok multiple times that he supports you and would walk through fire for you. Nothing happened between you two in romantic aspects, there was no shift, even though someone who doesn’t see you daily interacting with him would assume something is going on.

”I’m going to change.” You announce to no one in particular, the way your shirt clings to your curves as you’re surrounded by male counsellors you don’t know adds extra pressure and their eyes on you make you uncomfortably fidget in place, your make up is probably smudged on your face giving you a panda effect.

”Wear this your bra is showing.” Jungkook gives you his wet shirt but the black material conceals your body to look decent enough and you thank him he could easily sense your distress and he feels a little bad that he pulled that trick on you. He had to coax you into wearing that bikini at the beach last year buttering you up with compliments so the two of you could finally get going, he knows better than anyone that you’re shy and insecure about your body if someone you don’t know sees you, you don’t hate your body but it makes you feel anxious if some stranger looks at you like you’re his meal for the evening and he totally gets it.

He glares at every single one of them who looks at you inappropriately alongside your brother who shares the same sentiment as him. You deserve to be treated right, that’s why he was super angry once you told him about your first time, that guy just stuck it in without making you cum.

Hoseok doesn’t know, however, you only told Jungkook about your unpleasant experience when you were tipsy, you had to tell him at a house party while playing truth or dare, you had to share something he didn’t know and considering he’s your best friend not much was there to confess. You hoped that he was drunk enough to forget about it the next day but he surprised you with ice cream and you talked it out with him, he can be immature sometimes though when the situation needs him to be serious he’s there for you. He never once made fun of you for something you felt insecure or not confident about.

Areum takes in your dishevelled look as soon as you step through the entrance of your current accommodation, opting for a quick shower to wash the dirty lake water off your skin you tell her what happened vaguely before disappearing behind the bathroom door and she snickers silently seeing your grumpy face.

Jungkook marches to the seat next to Hoseok the playful glint is still there as he rakes his fingers through his hair shaking the droplets out of his locks like a dog and the way female colleagues eye him didn’t go unnoticed by either Yoongi or Hoseok for that matter. Your best friend is not as dense as you think he is because for a while now he connected the dots why you seem to avoid Yoongi at all cost.

It shocked him at first but now observing your interactions closely he calls himself a fool that he didn’t realise it sooner. Your best friend knows about the ’you can’t woo my baby sister’ rule because it’s applied to him as well, Hoseok cornered him one day after you left to bring up snacks for a movie night and told him awfully descriptive outcomes what will happen to him if he tries anything on you all the while he pushed him against your lavender walls, that day he learned that smiley Hoseok can be scary sometimes.

It’s been years and his overprotectiveness lessened because you dated guys here and there and Hoseok was always supportive of you and your soon-to-be boyfriends, but you didn’t go to second dates with any of them.

He found it strange at first but after he found out about your little crush on your brother’s best friend some things clicked and your behaviour wasn’t soo odd anymore, Jungkook didn’t read too much into it at first because he thought it’s going to be a fleeting flame but it’s been years that you harbour feelings for the older man.

Yoongi was a harder nut to crack because he’s better at masking his feelings than you but he can see how his eyes linger on you when he thinks no one’s looking, his slip-ups are subtle ones and it would go over his head if he wouldn’t be so tuned in searching for his reactions.

His gut feeling tells him Yoongi feels the same way you do (his face might not be as expressive but his eyes are sparkling every time he finds you in the crowd) although he can’t be one hundred percent sure, the benefit of the doubt that makes him keep question every move and look he throws your way his confusing actions indicates that even Yoongi doesn’t know how he truly feels about you so Jungkook didn’t bring up the subject because he’s not sure how to approach this without making this more complicated.

He doesn’t want to give you hope when he can’t guarantee his intuition is right so he choose to silently observe and let things unfold naturally but it gets harder with time to ignore how you two are dancing around each other like idiots. Well, at least before now you straight out refuse to be in the same room as him.

At this point, he’s convinced that neither of you is going to make a move to let the other know about your romantic feelings, he wanted to respect the fact that you didn’t want him to know about your feelings towards your brother’s best friend but enough is enough and he’s tired of seeing you avoid the matter for another year like this.

His plan so far doesn’t seem to work, he convinced Hoseok to sign you up for the camp against your will but things don’t go forward as you keep avoiding the problem so he needs to give both of you a little push from the sidelines to end this.

He doesn’t like the idea of you hurting if he’s being wrong about this but the rejection would be better than living in denial, not knowing if he reciprocates your feelings, he hates seeing you cry but he’ll be there to kick ass and support you. Jungkook makes up his mind and calls Hoseok’s name to grab his attention.

”What do you think about one of your friends dating Y/N?”

Hoseok’s brow raises in question and Yoongi’s body stiffens at the mention trying to seem unaffected but Jungkook detects the slight change in his demeanour. ”Why do you ask? You’re not in love with my sister, are you Jeon?” He can’t stop laughing as he hears Hoseok accusing him immediately, he gets comfortable in his seat before answering. Waiting a little before responding to get a dramatic effect, he spends too much time with you as he realises he picked up some of your theatrical approaches.

”God, no. She’s my best friend I know too much about her to think like that.” His laughing subdues into small chuckles, he saw you at your worst and best moments, seen you naked by accident. You’re beautiful and funny but he doesn’t see you as a woman. Yoongi’s eyebrow twitches at the mention of ’knowing too much’ but Jungkook’s next words are the final blow for him to grip the armrest.

”I heard Taehyung is gonna ask her out and I wanted to know what you think about it.” Hoseok schools his features quickly after that, he didn’t know Taehyung liked you like that but he has no right to control your life or tell you who you can consider as a potential love interest. You can like whoever you want, he tried to show you his support when you introduced some of your dates to him and he’s going to keep his promise even when it comes to his friends.

You were always close but after he began to tell you who you can or can’t see your relationship became distant until he realised his mistakes, you forgave him easily because you love your brother a lot and he loves you just as much so after a heartfelt conversation between the two of you he promised not to do that to you ever again.

You’re aware he did this to protect you because you’re his precious little sister and big brothers could get unreasonably overprotective so after you almost drifted apart and even though you two talked it out. The fact that because of a boy you argued with Hoseok you decided you’ll never act on your feelings for Yoongi for the sake of your relationship. Jungkook doesn’t know that’s the main reason you keep avoiding Yoongi but he couldn’t have known because you two never touched upon the subject.

”It’s her decision.” Hoseok shrugs finally and Jungkook nods with a smile eyeing Yoongi who seem to absorb the answer he didn’t think he would get.

You’re aware of your feelings so it’s time for Yoongi to reflect on his thoughts and figure out what he wants.

Jungkook thinks that his plan might just work if he keeps up the good work. You can thank him later.

Taehyung is an unsuspecting victim caught up in Jungkook’s spider web to get you guys together. He likes every kind of art-related stuff and Jungkook showed him some of the origamis you folded for him as he has a few of the smaller ones stuffed inside his wallet under your graduation photo and of course when Taehyung asked you to teach him you agreed with the biggest smile on your face.

You took it as a great opportunity to get to know him better because you’re the least close to him in the group, not because you don’t think he’s a nice guy but before this there were not many occasions to bond with him.

He has the talent for it you realise this soon and you two spend hours inside the art room together folding new pieces after you’re free, he even suggests as a beginner what’s easier to make so the kids can be encouraged rather than making them do hard ones and be disappointed by the end result.

He visits you often and brings you tea to chat about art at first but gradually you get to know more about each other’s personal lives all the while you make origamis together. You skip lunch sometimes when you get too caught up experimenting with new shapes and Jungkook notices the displeased expression on Yoongi’s face every time someone asks about you and Taehyung’s whereabouts just to hear you two are yet again holed up inside the art room laughing and chatting.

He got even grumpier than normal and lashes out without any reason, the others dismiss his behaviour as he probably had a bad day but his best friend knows something is up with him, it’s not like he lashes out on the children because he smiles at them like he used to but his quick mood changes are getting on everyone’s nerves lately. Hoseok knows that something bothers him but every time he asks about it he says it’s nothing.

Jungkook sits beside Hoseok as he goes on and on about he has no idea what’s gotten into Yoongi lately and he’s close to rolling his eyes at him, no wonder you two are siblings he thinks. Both of you are idiots.

Yoongi didn’t show up for breakfast and you’re nowhere to find as well, he knows you’re not with Taehyung because he sits at the table behind him with Jimin and Seokjin telling each other funny stories about the kids. He shows some of the origami pieces he folded and Jimin compliments him while Seokjin tries to stuck one inside his pocket so a friendly banter breaks out at their table.

”.. and he doesn’t even tell me what’s the problem. Hey, Jungkook are you listening to me at all?” Hoseok waves his hand in front of Jungkook’s face who munches on the garnish almost finished with eating while your brother’s plate is full of food because as soon as Jungkook joined him at the table, since he couldn’t find you in the crowd, started complaining about how difficult Yoongi is being as of late and it’s too early to deal with this bullshit.

”Yoongi is upset because Y/N hangs out with Taehyung too much. If you look at the signs you would have seen that he obviously likes your sister but because of that stupid rule you made neither of them is acting upon their feelings for each other.” The outburst momentarily shuts up Hoseok, his mouth hangs open like a fish out of water blinking rapidly and it’s noticeable how the wheels are turning inside his head as he processes the information.

”Yoongi likes my sister?!” The three surrounding tables turn after hearing Hoseok’s signature banshee yell and Jungkook audibly sighs at the shocked expression he’s sporting like he suddenly grew four heads and three legs. He just might because the food is weird sometimes.

You tell Areum you have to pick something up from the art room and you’ll join her a bit later to eat breakfast hiding your hands in your hoodie’s pocket as mornings tend to be on the colder side, she gives you a thumbs up as she walks towards the dining room and you wait until she gets out of sight to turn on your heel.

You visit the art room first but what you’re searching for is not there and you head back to your cabin to see if you brought it back by accident without you realising it.

You made that origami star Taehyung whined to you about. He wanted to make one but it just can’t seem to look like it should be as he showed you his attempts. It took you a few tries to succeed as well since folding the edges were quite tricky to figure out.

On your way to the dining room, you bump into someone and the star you made end up on the ground slipping out of your grip. Raising your head instantly to apologise to the person, you were not ready to face Min Yoongi out of all people, he picks up the origami and hands it back dusting it off before giving it to you.

”Thanks.”

”Uh, everything’s alright? You seem to be in a bad mood.” You’re hesitant to address the elephant in the room, you didn’t really witness his mood swings as others because you spent most of your time in the art room but seeing him now with dark circles under his eyes a grim expression on his handsome face, it speaks volumes of how true it is, and you would hate to get on his bad side because you ask a question everyone probably asked before you.

”I’m fine.” Yoongi tilts his head towards the sky and sighs, you wait for him to say something else but that’s all he does before he walks past you.

You grimace at the lack of response, sure, things were awkward nowadays but he never straight out ignored you like that, he didn’t even look at you while he answered and left just like that.

When you join Jungkook and your brother for breakfast they have a weird aura around them and you’re itching to interrupt their silent talk as they eye each other like you’re not sitting right next to both of them.

What is wrong with anyone today, huh?

”Okay we need to do something, things can’t continue like this.” Jungkook places his hands on each side of his hips as he captures everyone's attention when he climbs on top of one of the tables like he’s about to give a grand speech about something world-rocking kind of important matters.

”I agree. I can’t even say something to Yoongi that doesn’t end with him taking my head off.” Jimin and Taehyung agree immediately since they had to deal with his temper for the most part.

”And what do you suggest we do?” Hoseok puts his weight onto the broom as he speaks, after Jungkook told him that his best friend is in love with his sister everything made sense in a way.

Why he asked about you a lot like how’s school or how’ life going for you, made sure to get something for your birthday every year, he thought that he’s nice to you because you’re his little sister, after all, he told him to treat you right. He couldn’t be more wrong about it, however. They are supposed to be best friends and Hoseok didn’t even know he liked you like that.

”I think you should talk to her Hobi. She doesn’t act on her feelings because she thinks you wouldn’t like them together, maybe if you tell her it’s ok to date each other they will end our suffering. I don’t think I can manage this moody Yoongi for another day he looked like he’s about to murder me in my sleep.” Because of Jungkook’s scheme, Yoongi went extra hard on Taehyung and the poor soul didn’t have a clue why he’s suddenly replaced as Yoongi’s personal punching bag.

Hoseok makes sure to visit your cabin after they are done cleaning and it would be an understatement to say he feels a little nervous. It’s weird that he’s here to tell you to go after his best friend as it is.  

He already had a talk with Yoong in their cabin before he came here and his friend seemed terrified when Hoseok told him he knows that he’s in love with his sister.

All the colour drained from his face and he actually took pity on him that it feels him with so much dread that his best friend knows he likes a girl, even if it’s his sister he’s happy that he found someone he likes.

Hoseok tells him that nothing is going on between you and Taehyung so he should stop torturing him, Jungkook just tried to make him jealous by saying that, it felt nice for both of them to talk openly about everything.

Yoongi told him about the party when he almost kissed her or when they would stay up all night talking to each other about everything and nothing, he shares his genuine feelings and admits that for a while he didn’t know what he felt for her but he wants to be with her.

You had similar reactions like his friend, at first you tried to deny the fact but later when Hoseok reveals everything and speak about Jungkook’s plan, you gave up to lie and instead tell him you liked him for three years and you tried to move on but you couldn’t that’s why none of your previous relationships seemed to work out.

Your brother feels stupid for not seeing the signs, maybe Jungkook was right and he’s really an idiot.

It’s awkward knowing that he feels the same way about you you’re not gonna lie, it feels like a dream but at the same time, you’re afraid one day you’ll wake up and realise all of this was just a fragment of your imagination.

Hoseok’s support was a pleasant surprise and even though you want to strangle your best friend with your bare hands for meddling with your business and literally shouting out to the world you love Min Yoongi to the moon and back moments ago to have everyone witness your face flame up you decide against all expectations and you give him a bone-crushing hug because without him all of this wouldn’t have happened. All that matters is that he likes you back.

”How did you know?” You curiously ask and Jungkook feigns he’s thinking about the answer whilst pinching your cheek, that smirk he wears when he’s about to say something stupid makes you reconsider. You shouldn’t have asked.

”I mean I discovered it recently so you were quite good at hiding it because normally I always sniff out your secrets right off the bat but as soon as I focused on your reactions it was easy to tell.” He points at Yoongi standing a few feet away next to Hoseok and he suddenly burst out laughing.

”I saw you running into a fucking tree when you saw Yoongi wet because Hoseok threw him into the lake.” You clasp your hand over his runny mouth before he can embarrass you further, you were not ready to see Yoongi blush so cutely at the comment while Hoseok doubled over because he laughed so hard seeing your face after Jungkook said that.

You denied it in a high pitched squeal. ”That fucking tree wasn’t there that’s why!” Everyone seemed to find your excuse hilarious as they laughed continuously at your attempts of saving your last piece of dignity but even Yoongi chuckled couldn’t contain his biggest smile to take over his features as he thinks you look so cute when you’re embarrassed, and you like him back.

”Can we see a kiss at least if we had to put up with grumpy Yoongi for an entire week, I really started to fear for my life, you know?” Jimin chimed in, it was endearing to see Yoongi turn bashful in front of you.

”Now that it was brought up Jeon Jungkook I can’t believe you used me like that! I had no idea why you suggested that I try to learn making origamis from Y/N. Our friendship is over!” Taehyung points at your best friend accusingly and he only scratches the back of his neck.

”I did it for a good cause…wait Tae where are you going? Look I’m sorry…” Jungkook chases after the former boy trying to hug him from behind but Taehyung doesn’t reciprocate it and your friend starts whining at that telling him that he’s so sorry while Jimin and the others unoccupied at the moment resumes their staring at the both of you to move and kiss finally.

Even Namjoon and Seokjin who were silent until now joins in and chants alongside the others to ”kiss kiss kiss kissss”

You let out a shy chuckle taking the first steps in his direction and his eyes go wide in surprise when your shoe touch. Kissing his cheek instead you tiptoe to reach his height so you can easily circle your hands around his neck and pull him down to hug you, it reminds you of the hug you shared with him before the whole trip to the summer camp started but this time it felt different.

His embrace was warm and inviting as he held you by your waist his chest vibrated against you as he laughed when your friends demanded a real kiss.

Yoongi found himself sitting beside you inside the art room as you explained how the kids can make bunny-shaped origami out of the grey coloured papers in front of them and his hand immediately found yours under the table to intertwine your fingers together once you sat down next to him.

You try to suppress a smile as you watch over the kids ensuring that they don’t cut themselves with the scissors but your body betrays you as you subconsciously lean into his frame he smells like vanilla extract and chocolate. He showed the kids how to make muffins in today’s lesson, it turned out good because Yoongi measured the ingredients while the kids only mixed and did simple tasks such as portioning out the dough or decorating the top of the treats.

Someone had two or three muffins left on their table as they worked, focused on their folding technique occasionally they stole bites making you and Yoongi giggling under your noses when you would catch chipmunk cheeks.

Yoongi helped you clean up after the lesson throwing out leftover papers and sweeping the floor before you joined the others for lunch.

Things changed in the group’s dynamics after you started dating Yoongi but overall they were happy to see both of you happy.

Even though Jungkook likes to make jokes about how you two are basically joined at the hip for days and soon after starts to complain about how you spend less time with him now that you have a boyfriend, he’s clearly happy for you. It’s a new situation for everyone and Hoseok has a hard time picturing you with his best friend but seeing you so happy with him he supports your relationship wholeheartedly.

After you’re done with the activities for the day you and Yoongi retreat into his cabin as everyone else stays at the campfire. They see the two of you slip away hand in hand, howbeit no one dares to comment on it but you see Jungkook having an inner battle to stop himself from yelling out ’use protection’ luckily Taehyung stuffs his mouth with a handful of chio chips before that could happen.

Your boyfriend pulls you closer by tugging on your intertwined hands caging you between his arms and the door, kissing the corner of your mouth he moves downwards to kiss over your jawline and neck, smiles into the juncture of your neck when you chase after his lips as he pecks your cupid’s bow next, impatient to feel his lips against yours you pull at a fistful of his hair guiding his mouth to capture his lip between your teeth. Yoongi grunts into the kiss tasting your sweet mouth never cease his hunger for you, only leaves him wanting more and more.

”I can’t believe you’re mine.” He seals his words over your feverish skin with in between kisses, marking up your neck, nibbling and kissing every inch until your breath becomes laboured under his sweet attacks.

You weave your fingers into his hair whilst a soft mewl leaves your parted lips as his knee parts your legs to brush against your centre.

He presses his thighs further into your throbbing pussy swallowing the noises you make getting lost in your body heat. He wants to take his time with you licking every corner and dip until you shake and pant his name.

”Wait. What about my brother?” You jump a little when you feel his hand on your ribs travelling up until he cups your breast over the shirt you’re wearing. Kneading your flesh over the fabric your body relaxes into his touch it’s enough to leave you breathless seeing his expression so earnest to please you, pupils dilated as he looks at you under his hooded lids it’s hard to control his urges when you look good enough to eat.

”He stays over at Namjoon’s don’t worry about him.” Yoongi catches your earlobe with his mouth biting down on your shell playfully, the sensation makes you heave a gasp, the words barely registering in your brain.

”Off. I want this off.” Feeling especially bold today you sneak your hands under his shirt caressing his sides with your fingertips, pecking his collarbone that peaks through the collar of his clothing. A whine resonates within your throat when your boyfriend steps back to pull his shirt over his head revealing his stomach and shoulders for your hungry eyes to feast upon disliking the cold air that fills the space once his body is not there to keep you warm, you pull him close diving in to connect your lips in a heated kiss tongue licking into his mouth.

His hands wander under your clothes this time mapping out your smooth skin following the lines of your sides to find the opening on your bra, once he gets the clasp open he traces your spine with his index finger grabbing your ass with both hands as his wandering hands reach south. Your moan gets lost inside his busy mouth that explores your hot cavern at the same time his hands cup you over the fabric of your leggings. It doesn’t give your throbbing pussy justice when he decides to rub your clit and drag his fingers over the dampening material.

”Let’s move things to the bedroom shall we?” The innocent peck he places onto your cheek makes your heart flutter, excitement and love mix inside your veins sweetening your blood as your pulse quickens under his adoring gaze. You nod kissing him again before you let him guide you to his door, not separating from your sensually moving lips as he blindly closes it behind your entangled forms.

He removes your pants and shirt in one go, letting the garments form a pile on the floor promising your sweet release with each removed clothing until the only remaining barrier that keeps your naked glory from his piercing gaze is slipped down your shaved legs, he feels how soaked the material of your cotton underwear had become after so little foreplay and he finds himself insanely turned on by the discovery.

Yoongi eagerly encloses his mouth over your erect bud eliciting airy moans when he alternates between sucks and licks on your sensitive mound paying equal attention to both sides as he massages the neglected one with firm hands whilst he blows air to the saliva coated nipples and watch your expression morph into torturous pleasure but he’s not satisfied with your shy suppressed noises.

Your slick oozes out of your empty opening running down your thighs and stain the bedsheet your clit aches to be touched and your hole clenches around nothing as your lover keeps his head between your boobs kissing and licking your skin there until your nipples get too sensitive to his touch, red and swollen when he rolls it between his fingers. His leg parts your thighs keeping them wide open so you can’t get any stimulation until he decides to move lower.

Seeing how you shake under his body parted lips keep asking him to give you more, he doesn’t have the heart to deny you any longer as he starts to rub your thighs keeping your legs open for him to bury his face between your beautiful cunt swollen and needy for his touch he lets his tongue dip between your folds tasting you first before gently sucking on your clit.

He hears you call his name perfectly in tune with his tongue’s strokes as he intends to eat you up. Your essence covers his chin as he licks your hole clean lapping up everything your precious body can produce for him dipping inside the tip of his tongue your muscles tense up ready to get filled with something bigger and Yoongi’s cock twitches inside the confine of his underwear.

He doesn’t need to remove his undergarments to know his tip is red and slick with his precum desperate to fill your empty hole up but before that, he coats two of his fingers in your wetness and pushes them inside parting your walls gently to ease you into the feeling preparing you to take his cock.

Your hips buck into his hand as he curls his long fingers inside your velvety walls feeling your muscles constrict around his digits he moans with his head thrown back as he imagines his dick getting the same treatment later, your musky scent and visual laying beneath him taking what he gives you drives him crazy with need.

Perking up at the sound you open your eyes blinking to get the blurriness fade dreamy half-lidded eyes watch as his fingers fill you up and you almost close them again because of the pure ecstasy his expert hands give to your overwhelmed body.

You see the painful tent that formed inside his briefs before the numbing pleasure could consume you yet again and there’s a wet spot in the middle that lets you know he gets off on seeing you enjoy yourself. His hips unknowingly to him ruts against the sheets to get some kind of friction realising that he focused solely on your pleasure and put it aside to chase his, he’s so different from the partners you previously slept with and the sudden urge to please him overtakes your selfish side to just receive and receive.

You palm him over the wet spot following the outline of his hard dick to give him some well-deserved relief and he immediately grinds into your palm letting out breathy groans and low moans, you don’t mind at all when he gets lost in your touch instead and momentarily forgets about his goal to get you prepped nicely for his cock. The fingers he has inside you stills and your head clear out a little, you’re able to focus on his face learning what he likes as you study his reactions to your movements, you know his moans will probably become your favourite sounds.

You take advantage of his current state to switch positions, letting his fingers slip out of you as you get rid of his underwear grabbing his thighs to lower yourself while he sits down at the edge of the bed.

Taking his tip into your mouth to taste his precum you feel Yoongi’s nails digging into your scalp as you swallow around him trying to get him into your mouth as much as your poor jaw can handle. Holding the base of his cock to guide him back into your wet cavern you set a slow pace, stroking what you can’t fit.

”You look so good sucking my dick baby.” You learned that he tends to be on the quiet side even in the bedroom, his reactions however are good indicators of how you’re able to affect him with every swirl of your tongue. Letting him use the hand tangled in your hair to set the rhythm of your movements your vision blurs as tears swell in your eyes due to the quickened pace and force he starts to fuck your mouth but he pulls out before he could get too close to cumming.

”I need to have you know. Lie down on the bed with your legs spread wide for me.” You follow his instructions showing him your drenched swollen pussy as he climbs on the bed after you, admiring the way he ruined your cunt before he reaches for a condom retrieving the item from inside his drawer.

He touches himself in front of you watching you squirm under his gaze as you wait for him to roll the condom down his length, your body aches to finally be filled with something bigger.

”Yoongi. Fill me up.” You part your pussy lips for him revealing your hole clenching around nothing, beckoning him to fill you up Yoongi looks at the sinful image in front of him saving this memory of you for later when he’s alone with his hands but today he plans to have your cunt wrapped around his cock rather than his fingers.

Your drenched walls suck him in as he enters you, hips lowering in slow motion to bury his entire length inside, nice and steady, gripping his shoulders for support you moan into the sloppy kiss feeling so full.

You hear his guttural moan loud and clear just as his breath hits the shell of your ear and your walls squeeze around him, wet squelching sounds ring beside your mixed love language thriving off the sounds he grunts directly into your ear encouraging you to meet his movements in the middle.

It feels like you stand in front of the gates of heaven when Yoongi increases his pace thrusting in and out, not being able to stop as he feels his balls tighten with the need to cum he parts your legs even more as he watches his dick emerge from the pussy he owns now coated in your juices taking his hard length and moan out every time his tip curves to touch your sweet spot with each delivered stroke.

You cum first around his dick, he helps you ride out your pleasure only pulling out when you whine from oversensitivity and he rolls the condom off to finish as well, watching your spent pussy glistening with your cum he uses the sight in front of him to get off, he collects your slick to lubricate his shaft as he starts to jerk himself off faster.

Once your breathing evens out and you see the concentration on Yoongi’s face while he lucidly moves his hands up and down his throbbing cock with the desperate need to cum you touch his hips drawing soothing circles onto his sweaty skin taking him back into your mouth to help him reach his high.

He comes in your mouth with a soft cry throwing his head back as you keep sucking him licking his sensitive tip until he pulls your head off with a shaky hand stroking your cheeks with his thumb.

”So friends and family, let me introduce you to my boyfriend Yoongi. You might have already met him before.” You joke in front of your relatives of all ages and you see in the corner of your eyes how Hoseok rolls his eyes.

© helenazbmrskai lll Please do not copy, reblog and like instead!

[dearviper]

Certain Dark Things Chapter 8: In Secret

WARNINGS: 18+ (minors dni!); kidnapping

NOTES: Same as last chapter, I had to create a gif to show the text conversation. I’m sorry if it goes too fast! It is likely easier to read on AO3 since I was able to use HTML there

Table of Contents | My Masterlist

Edward avoided you after that, certain that he had ruined everything. Even if he hadn’t, he was too mortified to face you at the moment. He was rarely home anymore, instead spending most of his time at his other apartment.

Though he tried to forget about you and to give his attention to the Gotham project, you still consumed his thoughts.

(It probably didn’t help that, unbeknownst to you, he still monitored you even in his absence. In addition to your tapped phone, he had also hacked your email, your laptop, the CCTV at the diner, and even the GPS on your cell phone.)

You were a distraction, the worst Edward had ever faced. He knew he was in too deep — he hadn’t even considered killing you to stop the disturbance!

Pathetic, the bitter voice in his head whispered, letting some female control you like this.

As Edward sat there, watching you sleep restlessly on his screen, he knew he would have to address the disruption that was you. Bringing his fingertips to the monitor, he lightly traced the outline of your body as he mulled over an idea.

He had already considered it once. Toyed with the idea. At first, it had been nothing more than a flight of fancy. Now, though, it seemed like the only viable option.

Sighing, Edward got up and rifled through his toolkit, grabbing his stud finder and a pencil. Walking into the apartment’s spare bedroom, he scanned the walls, marking the spots where he could mount something as he went.

Installing it would be a hassle as he would have to break through the wall, but it wasn’t like he expected to get his security deposit back anyway. And really, this was his last resort.

Edward went back to his laptop and searched for a product. It was in stock in a hardware store in Metropolis. He wasn’t thrilled about the long drive, but he couldn’t risk ordering it and leaving a paper trail. He jotted down a quick list of other necessities to pick up while he was out.

Having resigned himself to this plan, Edward pulled a wad of cash from his emergency stash and grabbed his keys.

Oh, the things he did for you.

For your part, you truly did try to fix things with Edward. Sure, things would be a little awkward, but you had grown to care about him.

Every time the bells on the diner door chimed, your head snapped up, searching for him. And every time, you were disappointed.

You hadn’t seen Edward enter or leave his apartment in a week, and when you knocked on the door, he didn’t answer. Was he ignoring you, or was he truly not there?

Agitated, you opened your text thread with Marisol and replied to her advice.

Edward let out a sigh of relief after reading your conversation. You still wanted to fix things and you hadn’t told Marisol about the… unfortunate incident from the other night.

That was what made you so special, that was why he chose you! Your compassion truly knew no bounds.

You didn’t laugh at him or try to humiliate him. You were gracious enough to keep it between the two of you, and you still wanted him in spite of it.

Somehow, he knew you would support his plan for Gotham. You understood him in a way no one else did, except maybe for Batman. And while you might be initially put off by his plan for the city (and by his plan for you), he knew you would come around eventually.

And if you didn’t? Well, that’s what the supplies in the spare bedroom were for.

Your first mistake that day was grabbing a slice of pumpkin pie instead of pecan. When you thought back to that day later on, you realized that if you had just grabbed the right pie you might have avoided everything. Or at least put it off a bit longer.

But two weeks had passed since Edward had been in your apartment, and you had not seen him at all. Not in the diner, not in your building, not even in passing on the street.

You had moved beyond insecurity — now you were mad. Who did Edward think he was? Did he think you’d be fine with a brief makeout session and then never talking again? It was downright insulting, and you wanted to tell him off.

Your anger threw you off your rhythm, and you started making more and more mistakes at work.

And of course because he was on your mind, you brought pumpkin pie to an already-aggravated customer who had asked for pecan.

“Excuse me,” a nasal voice came from behind you.

Plastering a smile on your face, you spun around quickly and approached the woman with the friendliest demeanor you could muster. “Need anything else, ma’am?”

“Yeah, I need what I ordered. Does this look like pecan pie to you?”

Of course not. It’s pumpkin. Edward watched the exchange giddily from the confines of his apartment. It couldn’t be a coincidence — you were thinking about him.

“I am so sorry about that, ma’am, let me just grab you a fresh slice of pumpkin now.”

“Pecan!” The woman barked at you. Edward noted silently that she bore a strong resemblance to a Yorkshire Terrier.

“Of course, pecan, my mistake.”

“Yeah, it is,” the woman called after you. Your grin faltered only slightly.

Hastily, you grabbed the correct pie.

(Edward saw you stare at it for a moment, as if you were worried it would transform from pecan to pumpkin before you brought it over.)

“Here you go ma’am, pecan pie. And you can keep the pumpkin as well.”

The woman stared at you blankly. “I didn’t order pumpkin.”

“Correct, but once food reaches a table we can’t serve it to another customer, so I thought you might like to keep it instead of us just throwing it out.”

“I’m not paying for the pumpkin.”

“No, ma’am, I wouldn’t expect you to. I’m saying you can have the pumpkin for free,” you emphasized the last word.

It was the wrong choice.

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Then why are you talking to me like I’m stupid?”

You sucked in a breath, trying to stay calm. Edward watched with rapt attention.

“I’m not, ma’am, I was just trying to explain-”

“Cut the ‘ma’am’ shit, I know you’re just saying that because you can’t call me worse.”

“No, ma’am, I’m not-”

“You said it again!” the woman shrieked, eyes gleaming with rage. “Why don’t you just call me what you want, hm? You want to call me a ‘bitch,’ don’t you?”

“No, I don’t-”

“Say it! Go ahead, call me a ‘bitch’!”

“I don’t want-”

“We all know you want to-”

“Shut up!” you finally snapped. “Just shut up! You’re right! You’re the most heinous bitch I’ve had the misfortune of serving, and I’m worse off for having met you! Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

Edward was positively delighted. He had never seen such fury from you! He pictured you as a goddess of war, frightening and beautiful. Even the Heinous Bitch was shocked to silence before you. He hoped she would cry.

She didn’t. Instead, she said the seven words every service worker dreads hearing.

“I want to speak to your manager!”

“Is there a problem here?” The magic words summoned Denny, your boss.

The Heinous Bitch grinned in a decidedly serpentine manner. “Do you want to know what your employee just called me?”

Cutting the woman off before her big reveal, you turned to Denny, nonplussed. “I called her a heinous bitch. Because she was being one.”

“You’re going to let her speak to me like that?” Heinous Bitch yelped.

Denny grabbed your elbow and pulled you to the side, though he spoke loudly enough for her to hear. “We do not call our valued customers names.”

You snorted, incapable of pretending to care anymore. “‘Valued customer?’ I think we can afford to lose this one.��

Heinous Bitch gasped and stomped over, jabbing a finger in your face. “I’ll have you know that I’m friends with Carl Beaumont, who happens to own this diner. So you can’t exactly ‘afford to lose this one.’”

She spun to face Denny, still pointing at you. “If you don’t fire her, I’ll call up Carl and he’ll fire both of you!”

The diner was silent. Frantically, you looked at Denny. He was suspiciously quiet. “Den…”

Finally, he shook his head at you. “I’m sorry, kid, but I can’t risk losing this job. I got a family to feed.”

“But she was harassing me!” you cried in outrage. He just shook his head again and you scoffed. Without another word, you untied your apron and threw it to the ground, storming out of the restaurant.

When you made it far enough away that no one could see you, you began to cry in frustration. You lost your only source of income because of one miserable hag. How the hell were you going to make rent now?

As you stalked angrily down the bright street, Edward decided to make his move. He was in position down the road from the diner, watching on his phone screen as the green dot that represented your phone moved closer and closer.

When you were just around the corner, he started heading towards his apartment — or rather, “Patrick Parker’s” apartment.

At first you didn’t notice him, just following the same route as always. He hadn’t expected you to, especially from behind.

This was going to be the tricky part, getting you to follow him on the rest of the walk to his apartment without appearing to know you were behind him.

The first step would be to make his presence known. It was difficult on the busy city street, but he had planned for this.

Pretending to be distracted by his phone, Edward “tripped” and, in the process, spilled his carefully procured cup of coffee on some yuppy passing by. The man, as expected, began screaming at Edward. Predictable.

Then Edward, appearing as calm as possible so he seemed meek from a distance, politely told the man to shove his fancy suit up his ass. The yuppy, in turn, threw a punch. Predictable.

Now having an excuse, Edward sprinted away. In order to keep up the facade that he didn’t know you were there, he couldn’t look at you to check if you followed. He was Orpheus, and you Eurydice. He had faith you would come, and it was well-placed.

From afar, it looked as though Edward had accidentally spilled the coffee and the man severely overreacted and lashed out at him. And when Edward ran away, you followed without a second thought. Predictable.

If you weren’t already frazzled, you might have wondered where he was heading. You might have wondered why he was entering a strange apartment complex. You might have stopped to think.

You did none of these things.

When he ran down the street, you followed.

When he rushed through the doors of the strange building, you followed.

When he entered a strange apartment, you followed.

And when you burst through the door, he swiftly jabbed you in the back of the neck with a syringe.

You didn’t even see his face before your world went black.

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[redorich]

Dream goes investigate the "hobbit crater" and see what the hell is happening over there.

It was the worst mistake of his life and that's the first time anyone see the message of a death for Dream.

Early-game, when the Hermits’ post-apocalyptic village was still under construction and the bunker half-finished at best, they all agreed that under no circumstances should they allow themselves to be seen. Xisuma, out of commission as he was (and still is) from protecting his Hermits from the Split, would not be able to protect them from the server’s native admins, or respawn them very often.

Then Puffy shows up. Unlike the others who came before her, seeking alliance or offering protection, all Puffy does is poke around a bit in the seemingly empty village, before placing down a barrel and leaving some much-needed items inside. (The dirt, in the small quantity she left, is next to useless, but thoughtful. The saplings are mostly irrelevant, given that Impulse and Etho have set up a gigantic tree farm burrowed into the side of the canyon; however, Puffy included jungle saplings, which they had none of. The best gift, though, is hands-down the pig spawner. Cub loses his shit for a solid hour over the block’s existence, and in the meantime Tango gratefully stops trying to set up a hoglin farm while wearing unenchanted iron armor.)

So, the Hermits reconvene. Some say they should make traps. Doc seems especially in favor of this-- not out of any outstanding fear of intruders, but more just because he wants an excuse to build extravagant redstone traps. Grian, on the other hand, protests: he likes the idea of building mean little gremlin traps as well, but what if they hurt Puffy? She’s been nothing but nice, and every time she comes by she brings more gifts.

Stress speaks up, saying that she’s spotted Puffy wearing the cloak that Cleo sewed and Stress embroidered. Not only does Puffy wear it in the canyon, but she also wears it aboveground, as Stress has seen on her furtive seed-gathering trips to the surface.

The Hermits unanimously agree that it would be cruel to harm their kind visitor. At the same time, they do need to set up protections for themselves. They settle on a compromise: they leave the area surrounding Puffy’s barrel unprotected. When she next stops by, among their gifts for her is a written note warning her that the rest of the area now contains lethal traps, and should she venture far from her barrel while in the canyon, she will fall prey to them.

Dream follows Puffy. It’s what he does-- it just so happens that this time she doesn’t know about it. He wants to know why she’s been visiting L’Manhole so frequently. She stops in front of a barrel and pulls out an assortment of items: a diamond pickaxe, lightly worn but with mending on it; a piece of paper with writing he can’t make out from the distance he’s at; a stack of gold blocks; slimeballs.

She puts the items in her inventory and in their place she leaves new items. Dream can’t quite make out everything she’s doing, but he catches a glimpse of a netherite scrap, a handful of bamboo, and a bag of carrots among the items she places in the barrel.

Hm. The Hermit is trading materials with Puffy. Interesting.

Obviously, as soon as Puffy leaves, Dream investigates. Instead of inspecting the barrel, he treads off into the village up ahead. It’s warmly lit with lanterns-- a waste of iron that shouldn’t be affordable to The Hermit yet. Despite the lively appearance of the venue, it appears as though anyone who might have once lived here disappeared into thin air as soon as Dream set foot in their village not five minutes ago.

On a strange urge, he drops to the ground, flattening himself against the stone-and-dirt path as half a stack of flaming arrows pierce the air where his head was not a second prior.

“Shit!” Dream hisses. “I must have tripped a wire...”

The tell-tale noise of pistons gives him just enough warning to jump away, clambering up a beautifully cultivated tree to get away from the solid box of ancient debris tearing its way out of the ground and enclosing the space Dream would have been in. He finds himself morbidly unable to look away as the box of ancient debris gets lava poured into it by a dispenser hidden in the overhang of a nearby roof.

Dream’s head jerks to the side when he hears faint laughter. The Hermit! A spectral arrow embeds itself into his shoulder. He’s screwed now-- the Hermit will the able to see him even if he hides.

An anvil falls onto the tree he’s in, crushing the pretty leaves and nearly crushing his head as well. Obviously, he has to keep moving. Dream hops down onto the ground, avoiding the pressure plates that he now knows are not just decorative. Firework rockets explode past him as he flattens himself against a building. His clothes get singed and his ears ring, but he dodges well enough to make it out unharmed. However, the wall he presses himself against must have a pufferfish on the other side-- or rather, from what his ringing ears can make out, multiple pufferfish-- because his muscles immediately tense in pain as a wave of nausea crashes over him.

Dream only closes his eyes for a split second. That moment is all that the Hermit needs. A netherite axe gleaming with enchantments bites into his arm. Choking back a scream, Dream is forced to drop the sword that he’d unconsciously drawn at the start of the violence. He looks around wildly, but he still can’t see the Hermit. Is it invisible, or did it throw its axe? Cold sweat runs down Dream’s neck.

That’s not sweat running down his neck. It’s sand. He looks up slowly, trepidatiously. He can just barely make out invisibility potion particles, in addition to a grid of scaffolding high in the air and a damning block of sand in the Hermit’s invisible hand. The two stand in a frozen stalemate for several heart-stopping moments, until Dream sees the sand start to fall and bursts into motion.

Dream sprints to the edge of the village, back where Puffy had placed her items into a barrel. If he can just make it there, he should be able to make it out alive--!

There’s now a maze of fucking cacti and sweet berry bushes. Shit. He turns back around, but steps on a pressure plate. His stomach sinks as he falls into a pit of... minecarts?

Oh shit, oh fuck, oh no, entity cramming!

<Dreamwastaken was squished to death>

[notsoheadless]

Remember Longcat, Jane? I remember Longcat. Fuck the picture on this page, I want to talk about Longcat. Memes were simpler back then, in 2006. They stood for something. And that something was nothing. Memes just were. “Longcat is long.” An undeniably true, self-reflexive statement. Water is wet, fire is hot, Longcat is long. Memes were floating signifiers without signifieds, meaningful in their meaninglessness. Nobody made memes, they just arose through spontaneous generation; Athena being birthed, fully formed, from her own skull.     You could talk about them around the proverbial water cooler, taking comfort in their absurdity. “Hey, Johnston, have you seen the picture of that cat? They call it Longcat because it’s long!” “Ha ha, sounds like good fun, Stevenson! That reminds me, I need to show you this webpage I found the other day; it contains numerous animated dancing hamsters. It’s called — you’ll never believe this — hamsterdance!” And then Johnston and Stevenson went on to have a wonderful friendship based on the comfortable banality of self-evident digitized animals.     But then 2007 came, and along with it came I Can Has, and everything was forever ruined. It was hubris, Jane. We did it to ourselves. The minute we added written language beyond the reflexive, it all went to shit. Suddenly memes had an excess of information to be parsed. It wasn’t just a picture of a cat, perhaps with a simple description appended to it; now the cat spoke to us via a written caption on the picture itself. It referred to an item of food that existed in our world but not in the world of the meme, rupturing the boundary between the two. The cat wanted something. Which forced us to recognize that what it wanted was us, was our attention. WE are the cheezburger, Jane, and we always were. But by the time we realized this, it was too late. We were slaves to the very memes that we had created. We toiled to earn the privilege of being distracted by them. They fiddled while Rome burned, and we threw ourselves into the fire so that we might listen to the music. The memes had us. Or, rather, they could has us.     And it just got worse from there. Soon the cats had invisible bicycles and played keyboards. They gained complex identities, and so we hollowed out our own identities to accommodate them. We prayed to return to the simple days when we would admire a cat for its exceptional length alone, the days when the cat itself was the meme and not merely a vehicle for the complex memetic text. And the fact that this text was so sparse, informal, and broken ironically made it even more demanding. The intentional grammatical and syntactical flaws drew attention to themselves, making the meme even more about the captioning words and less about the pictures. Words, words, words. Wurds werds wordz. Stumbling through a crooked, dead-end hallway of a mangled clause describing a simple feline sentiment was a torture that we inflicted on ourselves daily. Let’s not forget where the word “caption” itself comes from: capio, Latin for both “I understand” and “I capture.” We thought that by captioning the memes, we were understanding them. Instead, our captions allowed them to capture us. The memes that had once been a cure for our cultural ills were now the illness itself.     It goes right back to the Phaedrus, really. Think about it. Back in the innocent days of 2006, we naïvely thought that the grapheme had subjugated the phoneme, that the belief in the primacy of the spoken word was an ancient and backwards folly on par with burning witches or practicing phrenology or thinking that Smash Mouth was good. Fucking Smash Mouth. But we were wrong. About the phoneme, I mean. Theuth came to us again, this time in the guise of a grinning grey cat. The cat hungered, and so did Theuth. He offered us an updated choice, and we greedily took it, oblivious to the consequences. To borrow the parlance of a contemporary meme, he baked us a pharmakon, and we eated it.     Pharmakon, φάρμακον, the Greek word that means both “poison” and “cure,” but, because of the

limitations of the English language, can only be translated one way or the other depending on the context and the translator’s whims. No possible translation can capture the full implications of a Greek text including this word. In the Phaedrus, writing is the pharmakon that the trickster god Theuth offers, the toxin and remedy in one. With writing, man will no longer forget; but he will also no longer think. A double-edged (s)word, if you will. But the new iteration of the pharmakon is the meme. Specifically, the post-I-Can-Has memescape of 2007 onward. And it was the language that did it, Jane. The addition of written language twisted the remedy into a poison, flipped the pharmakon on its invisible axis.     In retrospect, it was in front of our eyes all along. Meme. The noxious word was given to us by who else but those wily ancient Greeks themselves. μίμημα, or mīmēma. Defined as an imitation, a copy. The exact thing Plato warned us against in the Republic. Remember? The simulacrum that is two steps removed from the perfection of the original by the process of — note the root of the word — mimesis. The Platonic ideal of an object is the source: the father, the sun, the ghostly whole. The corporeal manifestation of the object is one step removed from perfection. The image of the object (be it in letters or in pigments) is two steps removed. The author is inferior to the craftsman is inferior to God.     Fuck, out of space. Okay, the illustration on page 46 is fucking useless; I’ll see you there. (21) But we’ll go farther than Plato. Longcat, a photograph, is a textbook example of a second-degree mimesis. (We might promote it to the third degree since the image on the internet is a digital copy of the original photograph of the physical cat which is itself a copy of Platonic ideal of a cat (the Godcat, if you will); but this line of thought doesn’t change anything in the argument.) The text-supplemented meme, on the other hand, the captioned cat, is at an infinite remove from the Godcat, the ultimate mimesis, copying the copy of itself eternally, the written language and the image echoing off each other, until it finally loops back around to the truth by virtue of being so far from it. It becomes its own truth, the fidelity of the eternal copy. It becomes a God.     Writing itself is the archetypical pharmakon and the archetypical copy, if you’ll come back with me to the Phaedrus (if we ever really left it). Speech is the real deal, Socrates says, with a smug little wink to his (written) dialogic buddy. Speech is alive, it can defend itself, it can adapt and change. Writing is its bastard son, the mimic, the dead, rigid simulacrum. Writing is a copy, a mīmēma, of truth in speech. To return to our analogous issue: the image of the cheezburger cat, the copy of the picture-copy-copy, is so much closer to the original Platonic ideal than the written language that accompanies it. (“Pharmakon” can also mean “paint.” Think about it, Jane. Just think about it.) The image is still fake, but it’s the caption on the cat that is the downfall of the republic, the real fakeness, which is both realer and faker than whatever original it is that it represents.    Men and gods abhor the lie, Plato says in sections 382 a and b of the Republic. οὐκ οἶσθα, ἦν δ᾽ ἐγώ, ὅτι τό γε ὡς ἀληθῶς ψεῦδος, εἰ οἷόν τε τοῦτο εἰπεῖν, πάντες θεοί τε καὶ ἄνθρωποι μισοῦσιν; πῶς, ἔφη, λέγεις; οὕτως, ἦν δ᾽ ἐγώ, ὅτι τῷ κυριωτάτῳ που ἑαυτῶν ψεύδεσθαι καὶ περὶ τὰ κυριώτατα οὐδεὶς ἑκὼν ἐθέλει, ἀλλὰ πάντων μάλιστα φοβεῖται ἐκεῖ αὐτὸ κεκτῆσθαι. “Don’t you know,” said I, “that the veritable lie, if the expression is permissible, is a thing that all gods and men abhor?” “What do you     mean?” he said. “This,” said I, “that falsehood in the most vital part of themselves, and about their most vital concerns, is something that no one willingly accepts, but it is there above all that everyone fears it.” Man’s worst fear is that he will hold existential falsehood within himself. And the verbal lies that he tells are a copy of this feared dishonesty in the soul.

Plato goes on to elaborate: “the falsehood in words is a copy of the affection in the soul, an after-rising image of it and not an altogether unmixed falsehood.” A copy of man’s false internal copy of truth. And what word does Plato use for “copy” in this sentence? That’s fucking right, μίμημα. Mīmēma. Mimesis. Meme. The new meme is a lie, manifested in (written) words, that reflects the lack of truth, the emptiness, within the very soul of a human. The meme is now not only an inferior copy, it is a deceptive copy.     But just wait, it gets better. Plato continues in the very next section of the Republic, 382 c. Sometimes, he says, the lie, the meme, is appropriate, even moral. It is not abhorrent to lie to your enemy, or to your friend in order to keep him from harm. “Does it [the lie] not then become useful to avert the evil—as a medicine?” You get one fucking guess for what Greek word is being translated as “medicine” in this passage. Ding ding motherfucking ding, you got it, φάρμακον, pharmakon. The μίμημα is a φάρμακον, the lie is a medicine/poison, the meme is a pharmakon.     But I’m sure that by now you’ve realized the (intentional) mistake in my argument that brought us to this point. I said earlier that the addition of written language to the meme flipped the pharmakon on its axis. But the pharmakon didn’t flip, it doesn’t have an axis. It was always both remedy and poison. The fact that this isn’t obvious to us from the very beginning of the discussion is the fault of, you guessed it, language. The initial lie (writing) clouds our vision and keeps us from realizing how false the second-order lie (the meme) is.     The very structure of the lying meme mirrors the structure of the written word that defines and corrupts it. Once you try to identify an “outside” in order to reveal the lie, the whole framework turns itself inside-out so that you can never escape it. The cat wants the cheezburger that exists outside the meme, but only through the meme do we become aware of the presumed existence of the cheezburger — we can’t point out the absurdity of the world of the meme without also indicting our own world. We can’t talk about language without language, we can’t meme without mimesis. Memes didn’t change between ‘06 and ‘07, it was us who changed. Or rather, our understanding of what we had always been changed. The lie became truth, the remedy became the poison, the outside became the inside. Which is to say that the truth became lie, the pharmakon was always the remedy and the poison, and the inside retreated further inside. It all came full circle. Because here’s the secret, Jane. Language ruined the meme, yes. But language itself had already been ruined. By that initial poisonous, lying copy. Writing.     The First Meme.     Language didn’t attack the meme in 2007 out of spite. It attacked it to get revenge.     Longcat is long. Language is language. Pharmakon is pharmakon. The phoneme topples the grapheme, witches ride through the night, our skulls hide secret messages on their surfaces, Smash Mouth is good after all. Hey now, you’re an all-star. Get your game on.     Go play.