#hence why I hesitated on uploading it at all but here we are

[dr-zeddy]

The Fanfic is online! :D

The first 7 chapters of the Volcano Manor story-arc are now readable at Archive of Our Own~

The Crucible Rebellion

(it's still a working title, IDK how to call this arc or the fic at all ;; I hope you like it! )

[ramzawrites]

Familial Love - Dad!Badboyhalo and Reader Part 1

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Philza, Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, Badboyhalo

Warnings: n/a

Series: only a two parter

Summary: Having mischievious kids who were interested about the nether, Philza thought it would be the smartest thing to bring his whole family togther into the other world, so he could keep his eyes on them and satisfy their curiosity. Besides, they all could collect some resources while being there, though once in the nether they find more than they bargained for. Bringing in BadBoyHalo who might be able to help with this delicate matter.

Words count: 2684

Authors Note: It was a request ages ago but I sadly lost it, now I’m using it to slowly get back into writing and I know I’m horrible when it comes to multiple chapter fics but I am already almost done with the second part though I have to heavily edit it since I forgot something important. I can’t promise I’m turning back into an upload every week but I’m going to slowly inch my way back to it. I would appreciate some feedback on this one since it’s been a while :)

Philza was fanning some air towards his face using his hand. This wasn’t really helping, of course. The air in the Nether was way too hot for that but he had no better way to deal with the heat that he was currently experiencing. He used to be better at that but he has been spending way more time in the Overworld as of late due to personal projects and having to raise three kids, hence why it took him a bit by surprise with how much trouble he seemed to have to adapt to this environment.

This was also mirrored by his oldest kid Wilbur, which made sense seeing how he only spend minimal time in the Nether, meanwhile Technoblade did fine and interestingly enough, while Tommy was obviously also uncomfortable in this heat, he seemed to be doing better than Philza and Wilbur. Techno was born in the Nether so while it might take a moment he had no problem getting used to this, but Tommy? It was his first time in the Nether so it was a bit surprising. Philza just chalked it up to him being younger and able to adapt faster.

“You sure you guys want to help find the materials?” Philza was looking at both Wilbur and Tommy, though his attention was primarily on Wilbur who was once again wiping away the sweat on his brow.

Both nodded but only Wilbur spoke “Yeah! It’s usually just you and Techno, we want to help out for once as well.”

Philza squinted his eyes, staring his son down “This is bullshit but I’ll take the help nonetheless. I’m sure you will also find the things you both are looking for, would be easier if you would just tell me outright what though.”

“You knew?”

Wilbur clasped his hand around Tommy’s mouth and pulled him closer “It’s fine, dad! We’ll be fine! We’re gonna get that blackstone and the wood in no time!”

He then proceeded to drag Tommy off who begun to angrily yell at Wilbur.

“Remember to stay close!” Phil tried to throw after them but it seemed to go unnoticed, which meant he needed to stay close to them and not the other way around.

“They’ll be fine.” Techno suddenly appeared next to him. An iron axe in his hands.

Philza sighed “ I hope. It’s Tommy’s first time in the Nether and Wilbur doesn’t spend a lot of time here. We have to make sure to stay close.”

Techno nodded, he too was worried about his brothers as well after all “They have some Enderpearls should anything happen and Wilbur will make sure to look out for Tommy.”

He was correct. Philza went over this with all of his sons a ton of times. Teaching them how to enderpearl away while falling and training their aim. He also made sure to tell them all of all the dangers that would await them here. Giving them enchanted bows that could one hit a Ghast.

There was no sense in dwelling on that for now though, hence why Philza hesitantly approached a red tree. His diamond axe soon burrying itself deep into the surprisingly soft wood. Not only is this wood beautiful if used correctly but this wood was also fire resistant which could be helpful for some of his other builds.

Techno was also already on it. He was younger than Wilbur and yet he already showed greater strength than him. Though this wasn’t surprising seeing how Techno was a Piglin Hybrid. They usually grow up pretty fast and were known for their brute strength.

With one swing of his axe he was already pretty deep into the tree. He was just a kid and yet he could keep up with Philza’s rate of cutting down these trees pretty well.

All the while Philza would make sure to run after Wilbur and Tommy. Cutting down the trees close to them. Always making sure that all of his three kids were in his peripheral view. They were still clumsy young children and every time they would even just stumble for a small second his heart would drop.

At times Wilbur and Tommy would try to coax Techno over to show off a cool looking mushroom. At first he was unsure, just wanting to help gather the few recourses that Philza needed but the more his brothers asked the bigger his curiosity got. It didn’t take long for him to join his brothers to look at all the interesting plants and other things they found. Philza just gave him a nod as a sign he is allowed to go after them.

Of course, as a worried father, Philza would still keep his eyes on them.

Honestly this was probably a horrible idea to bring them all with him. The Nether is just too dangerous for kids but also they were so curious! And mischievous kids who are curious about something specific especially when their father doesn’t allow them to approach it? That seems to spell disaster, so, in his infinite wisdom Philza thought it would be a good idea to bring them in with him for a really small outing. Nothing special. He even made sure the portal was in a good place and made it as safe as possible before he took his whole family in.

So when he suddenly heard a scream his heart figuratively stopped. He was so preoccupied with his worry that he didn’t notice how the kids left his view. Without hesitating Philza dropped the heavy axe and instead opened up his wings. With just a few beats of his wings he flew up into the air. Frantically looking around for his sons, hoping they haven’t gone further underground. It calmed him down that there weren’t more screams which could mean one of them just got scared for a second, or they are all already dead not having a chance to yell out again.

Realizing that thinking about this would only make it worse he begun to fully concentrate on the environment, calling out to his sons in the progress. Sweat rolled down the side of his face, this time not only due to the heat but also due to the fear that seemed to fester deep down in his heart and bones with every second he couldn’t find his family.

Then suddenly he saw something blonde. Thank the End Tommy had such an easy to spot hair color. And next to him were Wilbur and Techno, all three of them seemed to look at something laying on the floor. Philza couldn’t make it out from up in the air since the kids put all of their heads together above the item of interest. Either way they seemed to be alright.

As Philza landed close to them he put his hand against his heart “By Ender you guys scared me. Are you alright? I heard one of you scream and I couldn’t see you. Didn’t I tell you guys to stay close to me for that exact reason?”

He kept on rambling along, more out of nervousness and guilt but was stopped as Wilbur looked up, turned around and just stared at his father with a confused expression. In this confusion was a worry there that made Philza almost cautious. Something was wrong after all.

Techno and Tommy followed suit, all of them finally forming an opening so he could see what they were staring at.

On the hot nether ground there was a bundle. A bundle that slowly moved around.

Philza slowly approached it, soon noticing two horns poking out of this bundle. Wrapped in this dirty brown cloth was a baby. A baby with two horns on their forehead and shimmering skin. It looked like there was shimmering ink buried beneath the skin that was now happily dancing across. There was no glow to it and yet he couldn’t describe it differently. There was a shimmer.

This was a demon baby.

His eyes widened as he realized this, fatherly instincts kicking in as he scrambled to get that child off the ground. It was most likely fine seeing how they are a demon but in his mind right now he needed to get the child off the hot netherrack.

“Dad, whose is it?” Tommy stepped closer, pulling on his fathers long sleeve. While young he seemed to understand the implications of a frail small baby just lying around on the ground, understanding that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

And he was correct. In Philza’s life he has met demons only a couple of times but has already read a lot of texts on them. While they can live in either the Overworld or the Nether most get born inside the Nether and just like humans, they usually grow up with parents at their side. Parents that taught them how the world works and showed them how to control their magical prowess.

They got the name demon by their unnatural ability and affinity for magic. Being able to control the magic of an enchanting table like no other, able to read the enchantments and crafting new ones. Some even showed outside of enchanting abilities like summoning forth fire for example.

This child was orphaned. Maybe the parents died? He has never heard stories of demons abandoning their own kin, though only because he hasn’t heard it, this doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. He just knew that they took their kin seriously and it was in their eyes one of the strongest bonds that you can have. If a demon called you their kin? That is something special and honoring.

Philza looked the child over one more time. No wounds, no jewelry not anything that could tell him what has happened here or whose baby it is.

As his hand came across the cloth, trying to see if there might be anything embroidered on there the baby instinctively grabbed for his hand. Holding on to his pinky for dear life. Accompanied by a few babbling baby noises. Melting his heart in the process but it also pulled him out of his frantic thoughts.

The next few minutes he ordered his boys to scour the place a bit. Trying to look for any hints of the baby’s parents but there was nothing.

“So, what do we do with them?” Wilbur asked, standing on the tips of his toes as he tried to get a good look at the baby again. The dark horns was what really piqued his interest. Realistically he knew things like this were possible, seeing how his father hand black wings, but it still seemed so magical and impossible.

“Do we have, uh, a new sibling?” Techno asked. His cheeks turning into a soft shade of red as he asked. His eyes darting to the ground. He still wasn’t used to this even though he was adopted and a Piglin Hybrid he was very much a part of the family.

With wide and hopeful eyes Tommy looked up at Philza “I can be a big brother?”

Oh.

Philza wanted to agree. Wanted to tell them, to greet the new member to their family but he couldn’t. Not in good consciousness when he knew there was a better option. An option that would teach the kid what they needed. He couldn’t teach them anything about magic beyond enchanting tools with an enchantment table.

Besides he did know a demon. He met him only a couple of time, so they weren’t particular close but he knew how to reach him and this seemed to be by far the best and most fair option for this baby.

So, he shook his head. All three kids almost seemed shocked at that.

“Why?” Wilbur asked, his hand now holding onto the cloth that the child was wrapped in.

“Because I couldn’t give the child what they needed but I know someone else who can give the child a proper chance at life. Listen, you don’t need to understand yet but trust me as a father. Besides I’m sure we can visit them!”

This wasn’t enough for the children obviously. Asking more questions, trying to get a specific answer. Just repeating the questions.

“That’s enough! This is my decision and as your father and as the resident adult who actually has to take care of all of you, this is my decision. You’ll understand when you get older, I promise.”

Of course there was still some groaning and mumbling but the kids noticed that this was not something they could change Philza’s mind on. Didn’t mean they have to like that though.

With that Philza guided his family back into the overworld as fast as possible. Once back out the nether he made sure to see if the baby was dealing well with the sudden environmental change but they just kept on smiling and babbling which he interpreted as a good sign.

With the help of a long range communicator Philza managed to send of a message to said demon who in return managed to visit Philza after a day using the nether as a hub to travel faster. Seeing how he needed a full day to travel using the nether roof just showcased how far he actually was.

It was Wilbur who opened up the door to him. A tall demon clad in black clothes that had grey and red accents. Two horns grew out of his forehead similar to that of the babies, his skin being a deep black vortex that seemed to swirl but whenever you tried to really concentrate on it , it seemed to disappear and move to the corner of your eye.

Wilbur rubbed his eyes “Um, hello?”

A bright and happy smile appeared on the demons face, a thin tail moving happily around in the back “Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m BadBoyHalo! Your father messaged me, can I talk to him? Is he here?”

“Dad! Someone is here at the door! Is it that guy that is gonna steal our sibling?”

It only took Philza a short moment until he arrived at the front door with the baby in his arms, washed and taken care of to the best of his abilities “Wilbur! We talked about it, he is not stealing them! I’m sorry, Bad but I appreciate you coming over.”

Both Techno and Tommy walked in behind him, obviously having caught on to what was happening. Their expressions sad and almost dark. Still thinking that this was unfair.

Bad curiously pointed at the child in Philza’s arms “That’s them? Can I take a closer look?”

He didn’t hesitate to give Bad the child. Bad might have only been an acquaintance but he knows for a fact that he is a peaceful person. Someone who only fights to protect but don’t let that fool you. He was still powerful and dangerous.

It didn’t surprise him at all when Bad poked lovingly one of the chubby cheeks of the baby and cooed “Aw, look at you! Aren’t you adorable!”

This seemed to confuse Wilbur though who saw Bad as a mighty demon, not as a demon that just melted at one look of a baby.

“What can you tell me about them?”

Bad’s happy, scrunched up face returned to normal, now looking with a serious expression towards Philza “They already have their horns which isn’t unusual but more rare. It’s close to how mine are formed so if we Demons weren’t spread thin all around the place I would say they would technically be in the same clan as me. It’s the typical form of pyromancers but that doesn’t have to be it. I can’t feel any spells on them not even any protective spells which is weird. Even if parents abandon their kids they still apply a few protective spells, hoping it will give them enough time for other Demons to find them.”

“So, you think their parents died?”

“I-“ Bad begun only to scrunch up his eyebrows, an air of sadness seemed to sweep through the room “We are so wide spread and don’t live only in the nether anymore, so, abandoning a baby hoping that another demon finds them is… rare at best. We stick together. Our kin is important to us. I don’t think this was planned. No, they would have given over their child to people they trusted. This feels wrong. Very wrong.”

His voice wavered a bit at the end. The sadness of the situation seemed to have hit him.

Philza crossed his arms as he listened, the kids now almost hiding behind him but still peeking at the strange man “That’s- I have hoped for something better somehow but I figured it would be something like this. Can you help? Will you think about my proposal?”

“I’m not sure-“ but he got interrupted by the cries of the baby but Bad reacted immediately. Slowly swaddling them and carefully wiping away their tears. Lulling them slowly to calm them down again.

“What was it you wanted to say?” Philza tried to get back on topic.

“I’m- I’m taking them home. I’ll be their father.”

A huge smile spread across Philza’s face “Well, congratulations and thank you. Do you already have a name for them in mind?”

It shocked him when Bad immediately answered “Y/N. Their name is Y/N.”

[versegm]

Yoo for the director's cut thing, tell me all about EXITS, PURSUED BY A BEAR

BOY DO I HAVE SHIT TO SAY ABOUT THIS FIC

Under the readmore cuz it got really long

First of all, I dunno if anyone has noticed, but it is very intentional that Anne is the only one here with no descriptor. You could read it as being because Anne is fundamentally a stranger to this play, you could read it as the character descriptions being written by Marcy and Marcy being unable to reduce Anne to a few lines, I intentionally kept it vague.

The Core is genuinely surprised when asking "You want to change who you are?" because they're referring to Marcy as a person rather than the DnD character. The Core is someone who is, fundamentally, averse to change- it's a collection of people who got uploaded on the same hard drive because they were afraid to die, or worse, become irrelevant. Marcy stating she wants to try something different, aka to change, aka to grow as a person, is something The Core sincerely cannot understand.

Ok. So. This fic was initially kickstarted by me playing inscription around the same time a friend of mine was watching Amphibia, prompting the idea of "The Core would be like P03 and fucking chain Marcy to a table to force her to play DnD." Followed by "Anne would be like Leshy and play DnD with Marcy as she is literally dying. Her hand crumbles to ashes when she tries to grab the dice, and all she replies is we can just do regular roleplay."

While the idea was largely overwritten, I kept the initial "Marcy chained to the table" thing.

Making sure The Core never used personal pronouns prior to this scene was a fucking pain my guy. I hesitated to keep the "and me," but I thought it'd be better this way.

I am SO proud of this entire scene you have no idea. Marcy realizing who she's talking to, and refusing to aknowledge them as a single individual, because they're not, they're just a bunch of dead guys in a trenchcoat. Marcy realizing that she, too, should be dead, that neither of us should be here. The Core trying to amp up the manipulation. Marcy asking for what she values the most- her friends. The Core once again going for mind games. Marcy disregarding that and instead asking for what The Core took from her- first her life, then her body (through possession) and finally, her death, because if she has nothing else at the very least she should be allowed to die. People die when they are killed. How dare you make her into a puppet for your own use. How dare you make her less than a person.

Friend of mine pointed out that "attempting to tear off/amputate a body part with your own teeth" is a leitmotiv in my works. What can I say. I have a type.

This line is a direct echo to Marcy's earlier line.

And so closes Act One! And starts Act One. These bitches are stuck in a time loop, endlessly rehearsing the same act because Marcy keeps breaking character.

Notice how Marcy does not mistake the Core for Andrias this time. Also how her reaction to the Core bringing up DnD is "huh, weird, how did you know that about me, I don't know you." I wanted to give the impression that despite the Core's best efforts, with each loop Marcy takes less and less time to Realize.

Thankfully this loop is cut short as Anne interrupts the play. The speaking roles are always in the same order, Anne-Marcy-The Core. While Anne and The Core both ignore Marcy, Marcy is very aware of what they're discussing, hence why she goes from "what the FUCK is going on" to "PLEASE don't do this."

And we get to act two! Anne and Marcy have now switched place. Marcy is part of the audience as a mean to escape, though she very much did not want that.

I really like writing the Core because in one hand, yes, they're blatantly manipulating/guilt-tripping people. On the other hand, they're very much speaking the truth, and that's why it hurts so much. I'm pointing out this specific scene, but it was the same earlier with Marcy and the whole "you know your friends will not come for you. They never had. And now they never will, because of what you did."

Anyways! Anne dies. The Core freaks out about it, because, again, the Core was fundamentally created from the fear of death. Someone willingly choosing to die is completely alien to them.

Notice how Anne refers to worlds in plural, while the Core speaks of it in singular. Anne loves both Amphibia and Earth and the people in it. The Core never saw Earth as anything but ressources to begin with.

The Core is right in that Marcy so, so badly wants to save Anne. Hence why Marcy completely bypass them to go to Anne directly.

I just like this bit a lot <3

Something something individuality and fear of death so strong it doomed all of them.

I'm really trying to give the sense that through the whole Act 2, Anne is acting tough and aloof regarding her own fate, but in the end, it's only just acting. She wants to look unaffected to rub the salt on the Core's wound, and so Marcy doesn't get hurt seeing die, but as her fate gets closer and closer her true feelings start seeping through.

Also, that last line was heavily inspired by a real interpretation of Hamlet I went to see a while back. The whole encounter would be too long to fit here but if you're interested I wrote about it over there.

Really proud of this scene too. Anne is right about to die, and all masks are off. She's no longer the proud confident thing that taunted the Core. She's a kid. She's just thirteen. She's a kid and she's about to die, and though she chose this, though she did this to herself- she didn't want this. She didn't want to die. She really, really didn't want to die.

Aka be going insane over the fact that she was crying in her canon death scene.

And at last, the hero dies, because it's the only thing left for her to do.

[please-buckme]

Something Red.

Anakin Skywalker x fem!reader

Warnings: smut, NSFW, fingering

Words: 1.1k

A/n: I had a little trouble uploading this so if something seems off I’m sorry!

Request: anon: The first thing that came to mind is the reader wants to give Anakin a Christmas present to “unwrap” when he gets home from a mission AKA you got some red lingerie, you give him a sneak peek under your clothes and wham bam thank you ma’am - he really appreciates the gift.

Merry Horny-mas Masterlist

All through the temple it seemed you and Anakin were the only ones not celebrating. Cheers roar through the halls of people singing and laughing, while you and Anakin sat in the library.

“Are you done yet?” Anakin huffed, wanting to join in on the festivities.

“Not yet. I told you it was going to be a while but I’m almost done. Just give me a few more minutes.”

The council had pulled you aside an hour before Anakin had gotten back from his mission. They informed you that you would be leaving first thing in the morning, to a place you’d never even heard of. As upsetting as it was to find out you wouldn’t be spending Life Day together, you had to follow orders. Since you knew nothing of this strange planet you decided to do some research on it, hence why you’re in the library instead of getting freaky on the dance floor.

Anakin huffs out a heavy breath, “Please y/n, It’s Life Day Eve and I just got back from not seeing you at all for 3 months. We don’t even have to go to the party.” He states, “Let’s go back to my apartment for your.. present.” He smirks, trailing his finger up and down your arm.

“But I really need to finish this, Ani. If I don’t I could mess something up tomorrow and die. Do you want that?” A little over dramatic but it seemed to get the point across.

“No, I guess not.” He sighs, crossing his arms over his chest in defeat. Anakin was a manchild, especially when he didn’t get what he wanted and right now what he wanted was you. Little did he know, you had a little surprise for him.

With a quick flick of your wrist, the pencil you’d been using fell to the floor. “Uh, shoot. Could you pick that up for me, please?” You ask, giving Anakin the biggest and most innocent eyes you could. He huffs again, something you definitely didn’t miss in the 3 months he’d been gone.

When Anakin bent down to get the pencil he felt a slight weight against the back of his neck. “Um, what are you doing?” He asks, sounding panicked even though he knows he could overpower you fairly easily.

“I didn’t want to say anything out loud but..” You pause, pulling your robes off from around your legs, spreading them at the same time. Your hand reached down to pull up your skirt, slightly. Just enough to expose the red, lace lingerie that sat just above the matching garters. Anakin gasped, causing a smirk to spread across your mischievous cheeks.

“You like?”

Anakin groans, gripping your inner thighs just rough enough for a moan to escape for your mouth. “That depends.” He says.

You were a bit confused but played along anyway. Your hands fiddled with his soft ringlets as he sat between your thighs. “Depends on what, baby?”

Anakin’s brought his cold, metal digit up to your covered mound, tracing circles over the thin fabric just above your clit. He watches you, moving his thumb harder against you in one quick motion. Your legs jolt, threatening to close as if Anakin would allow it. He watches you stifle a moan by biting your lips, the action only making him grow harder. “It depends on how long you’re going to make me wait until I can tear these off of you.”

One more harsh circle over the fabric before he moves them to the side, now rubbing the tantalizing circles without a barrier. You hum, laughing before he makes another moan fall from your now open mouth.

“So you don’t like them?”

“No, babygirl. I love them.. just not when they’re in my way.” With his flesh hand he teases your entrance. You buck your hips, trying to hurry him along. He either gets the message or just couldn’t wait any long himself when he finally inserts one finger. Seconds after adding the first finger he adds two and then three, filling you up completely. It was a little painful since you hadn’t been this full in months. The stretch was nothing compared to Anakin’s cock and you knew that’s what he was warming you up for.

“Not here, Ani. Someone- uh god. Someone could s-see.” You stutter, trying to push him away from your body. To your surprise he does pull away from you completely. An involuntary groan rumbles through your chest at the now empty feeling. But this is what you wanted right?

Before you could even protest against or for, Anakin had his trousers undone and you were thrown over the table you’d been working at.

“Anakin I’m serious. We-“ Anakin interrupts your thoughts and, without hesitation, he ripped the lace from your hips and plowed himself into you. Your walls pulsed at the feeling of, what you assumed, being ripped in half felt like. “Oh God.” You scream.

“I’m sorry, babygirl. I just couldn’t wait any longer. Try to be quiet for me though. If someone walks in I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself. You look so good, babygirl.” Anakin pulls out slowly and thrusts forward again, this time a bit softer. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock , almost as if it were made for you. Tell me, babygirl, was my cock made for you?”

Anakin smacked your right cheek making you yelp in pain, earning you another smack. “Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes- fuck, yes sir. My pussy was made just for you.” You whimper. Anakin growls. His thrusts were slow but forceful while he waited for your walls to adjust to his size.

Once you’d adjusted his hips smacked into yours cruel enough that you knew you’d find bruises in the morning. Moans escaped your greeted teeth when Anakin brought his metal digits back to your clit. “Oh god, Ani. I’m gonna cum. Keep doing that.” You felt the numbing pleasure grow in your lower belly as you neared your climax.

“Cum for me, y/n. I can already feel you throbbing around me.” Anakin gripped his arms around your waist, slamming into you as you crumbled around him. Your orgasm hitting you in a thousand waves.

“Fuck!” You couldn’t help but scream.Your legs quivered as Anakin continued pounding into you until he met his end as well. Your release lasted longer than usual.

Sighs left your lips even after Anakin had pulled out. “Oh my god. What the fuck did you do to me?” You asked, giggling slightly out of breath.

Anakin pulled you into his arms, “Don’t tell me you’re worn out. We still have 8 hours until you leave.” He smirks, kissing your needy lips with his.

“Hmm, Happy Life Day to me.”

Taglist: @haydens-moles @animefangirl425 @valkyrieofthehighfae @anakinswhore @cocassedoodles @basicanti-socialb-tch @midnightanixx @alyssa-skywalker @stefslightsaber @alideetoo @dinos-lavapit @princessxkenobi @luminarahan @missgirlnoname @adovranakin @skylerrae-solo @blondekel77 @notwithoutbarnes @sourskywalker @coldlilheart @beiroviski @book-of-anarchy @gatorgal94 @pinkwhorecrux @pree-2003-blog @shads121 @haydenchristensengifs @anakindoesntlikesand @chokemeanakin @sarapixieelliott08

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Evan’s 6✩ Inspiration: Umbrae Secrets [繁荫秘语] Date Translation (END 7 + 8: Heart-throb)

"It feels pretty good to have your wish granted by someone else.”

*Light and Night Master-list | Evan’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *This 6✩ Inspiration has 8 Endings!! *Reblogs and likes appreciated! *Evan’s tag will be #For Night, For Revolution *Will be taking a short break for one or two days for mental health reasons, so no TLs will be uploaded while I’m gone

✥ Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ✩Light & Night★

After pondering for a while, I finally decided to…

✩ E7 LIGHT: Rest here ✩

MC: The view's pretty nice. How about we rest here for a while?

Evan: Sure. Let's sit here then.

I followed Evan and seated myself atop a rock by the river and gave a good big stretch, easing the tension out of my slightly sore hips and legs.

The vegetation around us was a little sparser now, and the golden sunlight fell upon us in mottled spots. The river had crystal clear water. The sunlight pierced through the waves, leaving shimmering gold patterns that wavered along with the current of the river.

There were occasional grey shadows that darted through the water. I excitedly patted Evan's arm to catch his attention the moment I saw it.

MC: Look! There are fish in the river!

Evan: There's quite a bit of them. Those look like striped bass.

MC: They're so big…

Staring at the plump and juicy-looking fishes, I suddenly became acutely aware of the snarling abyss that was my stomach as it slowly woke back up.

I never expected to get hungry just from that short trek.

Those fishes would be delicious steamed! Add soy sauce, a little wine to taste, and the meat will become tender and succulent, absolutely flavorful...

But it would also be equally good braised! Deep fry it first, then add soybean sauce, Sichuan pepper and star anise to spice it up. Then add water to let the sauce soak in, producing a flavourful, mouthwatering, aroma!

I couldn't help but swallow in anticipation. I guiltily cast a glance at Evan, hoping that he didn't notice my guilty inward musings of a glutton.

Evan: Don't tell me you're thinking whether this fish would be better braised or steamed?

MC: ??? ...Remove the camera you installed in my brain!

Evan: Why would I need a camera? It's written all over your face.

Evan: It'll be a little hard to steam or braise anything here, but we can try grilling the fish if we have a stove to work with.

Hearing the words "grilled" and "fish", I instantly felt rejuvenated. Gone were my sore hips and aching legs.

I jumped up from the rock I'd been sitting on with a start.

MC: Grilled fish sounds good! I've got the stove! And grills! And seasonings!

Evan: Brilliant.

MC: Then there's only one thing missing… How are we going to catch the fish?

Evan surveyed the area and pondered for a while before speaking.

Evan: There are traces of grilling being done on the ground. Someone must have grilled fish here before.

Evan: We can look around and see if there is any equipment left behind that we can make use of.

MC: Okay!

Evan and I each took one side of the river as we scoured the bank for any items that may be of use.

Soon after, I moved a patch of tall grass aside and lifted something in triumphant joy.

MC: Evan! Look at what I found! A harpoon!

Hearing me call out to him, Evan headed over. He took the rusty harpoon from me and gave it a once over.

Evan: Sharpen it on the rocks and it should be good to go.

MC: Great!

Evan took the harpoon to the rocks and gave it a thorough sanding to get all the rust off. Soon, the once-rusty harpoon regained its sharp, deadly, metallic glint. It looked as primed as ever.

After he was done polishing it up, I excitedly picked it up. Evan looked at me in slight surprise.

Evan: You want to try?

MC: Yeah! Plus, I'm wearing a dress, so I don't have to worry about getting my pant leg wet or anything like that!

Evan took one glance at the way I was brandishing the harpoon, looking ever so eager to try my hand at it, and softened. A helpless yet tender look dyed his orbs.

Evan: Alright, but be careful not to slip.

MC: Right!

I took the harpoon to the river bank and quietly searched for my quarry.

Soon enough, a shadow slid smoothly across the water. But, it had already gotten long out of reach before I had the time to react.

I observed the waters for a while more, familiarizing myself with how the fishes moved.

When another fish appeared, I timed myself, raising the harpoon high and bringing it down hard!

The harpoon jostled the river and disturbed the dirt at the bottom of the riverbed. However, there was no fish in sight when the waters came to a standstill once more. There was only a harpoon, firmly embedded into the riverbed.

MC: Feels like I'm swerving my hits a bit…

A small laugh came from behind as a warm hand enclosed mine, wielding the harpoon together with me. He dislodged it and returned it to my grasp with surprising ease and finesse.

Evan: It's alright. Try again.

Evan: Throw the spearhead further to prevent hurting yourself.

I nodded and took the harpoon. Soon, I took my aim at another incoming fish.

I inwardly encouraged myself: I'll get it this time!

I swung the harpoon and sent it stabbing downward. This time, I felt like I'd hit the target quite accurately!

However, the fish wiggled for a bit beneath my harpoon before speedily making its slippery escape…

MC: *Sigh*...Is it because I'm too weak?

Evan: It's because you hesitated.

MC: Hmm, maybe a little. I suddenly feel a little hesitant to deal the finishing blow when I think of how this harpoon inevitably pierces the fish’s body.

Evan: Reluctance to deal the finishing blow is only normal. How about I do it instead?

A strong wave of reluctance surged up within my heart. I swiftly hid the harpoon behind my back.

MC: Nah. I’ve only tried it twice! Give me a couple more chances and I’ll definitely be able to do it!

Evan: If you say so.

Evan: Then you'll have to be faster, and you'll have to land harder hits than that.

Evan: Or you can think of it as your enemy, or maybe someone you dislike?

MC: Hahaha… Well, about that…

I thought about it seriously for a while, but I couldn’t think of anyone I particularly disliked.

Hence, I looked back at Evan and casually dropped him a question.

MC: I can't really think of any off the top of my head. Do you have anyone you dislike?

Evan was taken aback. His eyes were slightly lowered as if he was hiding some sort of emotion that dwelled within.

I suddenly recalled that we’d come on this trip precisely because something had happened beforehand to make him unhappy. Now, his expression only made me understand it more with stark clarity: yes, he did have someone he disliked...

MC: You don’t have to think about unhappy things! I’m sure that person’s not a good person if they’ve made even you dislike them! I’ll teach them a lesson!

Evan: Why, thank you.

With the harpoon in tow, I returned to the river bank. Reflected in my mind was none other than how Evan had reacted to my earlier question.

Just what sort of issue would trouble someone as strong as him? On that same note, just what sort of person would cause someone as powerful as him to become this restless and uneasy?

Then, a fish slowly swam into my line of sight. And it was precisely with this sort of mood that I raised the harpoon high in the air, sending it plummeting downward without a moment’s hesitation!

However, the sudden force I’d flung it down with made me lose balance as I went down with it. I felt my waist move backwards from the force as my feet slipped from beneath me...

MC: Uwah!

Splash!

Water splashed in all directions as I slipped right into the river...

Evan: !!

Fortunately, this river wasn’t deep and only reached my waist. Evan swiftly support me as I stood up.

Evan: Are you alright?

MC: I'm fine… my butt's just a little sore… Ow…

Evan: Slowly.

He supported me back to sit on the rock. I looked down to inspect myself. My dress was soaked and dripping water everywhere.

I gathered my dress and wrung out a load of water from it. Ah, how I’ve screwed up...

Evan: Does it hurt anywhere else?

I gathered my hair together in slight embarrassment as I shook my head.

After ensuring that I was not injured in any way or manner, Evan moved to light the stove by my feet. He then removed his jacket and placed it over my lap.

Evan: Be careful not to catch a cold.

My stomach gave a loud rumble in protest the moment he finished. I quickly covered it in embarrassment.

Evan: Alright. Let me procure our lunch.

MC: I'll have to trouble you with it then…

Evan: It's no trouble at all.

Evan removed his glasses, rolled up his sleeves, and picked up my abandoned harpoon on the river bank.

Wrapping his jacket around myself, I looked up at him curiously.

I wonder what the CEO of Warson, ever dignified and well put-together, would look like brandishing a harpoon of steel?

❖☆———————————★❖

Just as I was thinking about that, Evan suddenly went rigid; and I, in turn, watched him with bated breath.

His gaze seemed to be transfixed on a particular fish. His dark red eyes narrowed with intent as the light in his orbs instantly turned to a cold glint; one as sharp as a deadly blade.

He raised the harpoon, the muscles on his arms and chest rippling as they made themselves known in their usage and exuded a raw, primal, sense of power.

The sun's rays glinted off the sharp blade of the harpoon, reflecting the cold light of the forest.

I watched him in a daze. It was almost as if I was watching a formidable and ruthless beast at work after having set eyes on its prey.

I'd rarely seen Evan with such an expression on his face. A thought suddenly popped into my head out of nowhere.

Maybe this was how Evan had always dealt with his enemies; swift and ruthless.

Then, the harpoon flashed through the waters as quick as lightning.

Water splashed everywhere as a muffled thud sounded. Evan had made his quarry, no doubt.

❖☆———————————★❖

With another slosh, the harpoon was withdrawn from the waters. A huge fish followed the length out of the water, trashing incessantly, its tail flicking to and fro.

When Evan turned to look at me, the usual warmth found in his eyes had returned.

Evan: Can you help me fetch a bucket?

I snapped out of the trance, hurriedly moving to fetch a bucket and brought it before him.

MC: You got it in a single strike! You're really awesome, Evan!

Evan: A young lady is waiting for me, hungry and cold, after all.

Embarrassed, I stuck my tongue out at him.

He removed the fish from the harpoon and dumped it into the bucket before returning to the river bank.

Following his return, the harpoon made continuous sounds as it pierced through the waters again and again. His actions grew increasingly precise, and I could tell that he was trying to let out some steam with how much strength he packed into each stab.

Soon, he managed to spear another two fish out of the river. They were both huge and plump, and he seemed to be much more relaxed when he turned back around again.

He knelt down and weighed his spoils with satisfaction.

Evan: The biggest catch weighs nearly 2kg. It should be enough for us.

Afterwards, he neatly killed the fish by the bank before putting them all on the grilling rack. I brushed the fish meat with the barbecue sauce that I'd brought.

The stove burned ever so strongly, and the place was instantly doused with the delicious aroma that rose into the air alongside the smoke. I rubbed my hands in anticipation, so excited about it that I couldn't quite sit still.

The fishes were finally cooked. I quickly took a bite out of it, leaning back in satisfaction as I did.

MC: How fresh! This is too delicious! You should try some too, Evan!

Evan: Sure. Careful not to burn yourself on it.

Saying so, he too, took a piece of the fish and brought it to his mouth. Under my watchful gaze, he gave it a serious chew or two as he contemplated the taste. Eventually, he gave a nod of approval.

Evan: Mmhm. Your sauce does a mean job too.

MC: Not bad, right? This is my personal recipe!

MC: With the fish you caught and my speciality sauce, these fish taste way better than any I've ever had in high-end restaurants!

Evan: We can always eat this again whenever you want to, so long as you're willing.

I nodded, unwittingly flashing him a smile, almost as if making a silent promise to him that we most definitely would.

MC: Have you ever gone fishing, Evan? You technically score full marks in wilderness survival!

Evan: I once lived out in the wild for a while at a time in the past, after all. But, I never had a harpoon back then, so today's my first time using one.

MC: Then you must be a naturally born hunter!

MC: I felt like you were exuding a predatory area when I saw you fishing earlier!

MC: How should I put this… It's as if you'll definitely catch the prey you set your eyes on.

MC: Unlike me… *Sighs*...

Evan: Why the sudden sigh?

MC: Well… I just thought that I'd put up a rather disappointing performance today.

MC: I was the one who got all enticed by the tasty-looking fish, but in the end, not only was I unable to spear a single one, but I've also rendered myself into a right state.

MC: The cat depicted in the cat emote pack online's definitely me. "Small, pitiful, and weak, but eats a whole lot like Tubbs"!

Evan smiled and shook his head. He rested his big hand on my head.

Evan: I don't think this is a fair comparison.

Evan: A kitten won't help me deal with the people I dislike, but that throw of yours earlier was one done with all your might behind the harpoon.

Evan: It makes me feel like I've met someone whom I can entirely trust.

His tone suddenly turned tender and very soft. So soft, that it was almost as if he had all his guards down; but so heavy, that it was as if he'd placed all his trust into it.

It was akin to a small drop of honey, the vicious liquid slowly spreading through my heart.

MC: Of course… I'll always be your most reliable buddy, ever!

MC: But, I'll be happier if I can really be of help to you!

Evan: You've already helped me plenty.

Evan: Next time I have to deal with them, all I have to do is to remember how brave you were and draw strength from that.

I froze. The only thing that my helpful brain provided was the image of me slipping right into the river, butt first. I panicked, instantly setting my chopsticks down.

MC: No! Forget that terrible throw I made earlier! Vanquish the thought!

I laughed as I ate, making a fuss of it all. Before we knew it, all the fish on the grilling rack had been swiped clean.

I embarrassedly put the chopsticks away, awkwardly coming to the realization that I was, in fact, not full yet.

70% filled is still considered full… I inwardly hesitated, mentally debating with myself. I was so absorbed in it that I failed to notice how Evan had a clear view of the expression that flickered across my face yet again.

Evan: I'll go catch some more fish to grill.

MC: Uh… About that… I'm sure the fish meat gets digested quickly! I'm sure that's just what it is!

Evan: No worries.

Evan: The charcoal fire's still going strong and it's still early before sundown. Plus, your dress isn't completely dry either.

Evan: We have more than enough time to slowly eat here, and we can do it until you're full and satisfied.

Evan: And as for just how many fishes you ate… I'll make sure to keep it a secret for you.

MC: Wha?

MC: Evan! I never pegged you for one before, but are you actually up to no-good!?

Evan: I'm being serious here.

Evan: It lifts my spirits whenever I see you eat.

Evan: It makes me feel like there's no simpler pleasure than that.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

After pondering for a while, I finally decided to…

★ E8 NIGHT: Walk a while more before resting ★

MC: I'm good. Besides, it'll be hard to get going again once we sit, so how about we carry on a little while more and see how it goes?

Evan: You're here for fun, so you don't have to be so hard on yourself.

But he'd probably seen the determination colouring my eyes, for he immediately added on to his previous sentence.

Evan: But I'll listen to the leader.

MC:  Hehe. Now that's more like it.

❖☆———————————★❖

We continued our trek deeper until the forest. Enamoured by the various sights and sceneries, the sky had turned dark long before I knew it.

Evan: Let's find a place to put up the tent. I think this place is pretty suitable.

MC: Okay!

We chose a location with a wide expanse of flat ground. Then, we set about executing the next step of the plan: set up the tent.

I took the tent from my bag, spreading it out on the ground.

First, we had to insert the two rods into the tarpaulin sheet. Then, we had to insert each end of the pole into the small hole on each corner of the tent.

However, this tarpaulin sheet was just way too big. One corner came loose right after I secured the other.

I tried my hardest to spread my arms as far as they could go, but it was still a struggle to secure both ends of the pole at the same time. I fought valiantly, only to end up covered in sweat from my moot attempts.

MC: This is the only time I hate having short limbs…

Evan: Let me help you.

I looked back in surprise. Evan had already returned from fetching water by the river.

He put the bucket down and came up behind me, spreading his arms and holding the curved poles in place with ease.

However, doing so made our positions very close to one another.

His arms were warm, firm, and much longer than my own; long enough to entrap me within when he spread it out horizontally like that. Adding on to that, our clothes were both slightly damp and sticking to our skin. I could acutely feel the faint rise and fall of his chest from behind.

The surroundings seem to be growing warmer, and I felt an inexplicable sense of panic.

Evan: You just have to pin the four corners down.

MC: Okay...

I fumbled as I ducked out of the cage of his arms, putting the rods into the small holes.

❖☆———————————★❖

With Evan's help, the tent was soon set up in no time at all.

Afterwards, we ignited the kerosene lamp again and set up a simple table and chairs. And thus, our little fort out in the wild was finally complete.

Everyone has an innate love of small secluded private spaces at least once in their lives. Looking at our small lodging, I felt a sense of joy well up from the confines of my heart.

MC: Evan, let's go in and have a look inside!

I couldn't wait to delve right inside. It was only after I'd spun a full round in fascination that I realized Evan was still standing outside.

That's not right. How could I have fun all by myself? The goal of coming here today was to make Evan happy!

I thought of a way to nudge Evan into action. A light bulb lit in my head.

MC: Evan, I'm the leader today, so you'll do everything I say, right?

Evan: Yes. What do you want to do?

MC: I want to play a game.

MC: I'll be your personal Doraemon for the day. I'll help you fulfil any wishes you want!

A flicker of surprise passed his face.

Evan: Why do you want to play a game like that?

I pulled him along with me, sitting him down on a chair before sitting right across him.

MC: You've always been my Doraemon, so today, let me enjoy the joy of giving just this once.

Evan: I mean, it's not like you can't; but, what are you sure you want to be doing that here?

MC: Challenges only make it that much more interesting! Feel free to shoot any request you may have!

Unable to ignore my insistence on this matter, he folded his arms and lapsed into thought.

Evan: Then I'll just make a random wish… I want this tent to look prettier.

MC: Gotcha! Leave it to me!

This was probably the first time Evan had ever wished anything of anyone…

And now, the one to listen to his wishes was no one but me… Thinking this, the yearning to fulfil his wishes for him only burned ever stronger.

I suddenly remembered how I'd brought a string of small, colourful, fairy lights with me; if only because I'd seen someone decorate their tent with it online some time before!

I held my excitement in check as I rummaged through my bag for the fairy lights, connected the battery to the string of light and turned it on. Then, I flashed it before Evan.

MC: Ta-daaaa! Look!

❖☆———————————★❖

It was well into the night. Dishing out the fairy lights in peak darkness lit up our surroundings in a dazzling array of colours.

Evan widened his eyes in surprise, gently taking the fairy lights from me and scrutinizing them.

Evan: You actually bought fairy lights? You're a competent Doraemon, all right.

The bedazzling lights shone on our faces, adding a couple more watts to his smile.

Evan lowered his eyes, seemingly lost in his memories.

Evan: You know, these fairy lights remind me of the New Year holidays.

Evan: I walked on the streets and saw the doors of many families decorated with fairy lights like these.

Evan: Celebratory and homey… I really adore it.

Watching Evan's wary manner of carefully selecting his words, I couldn't help but feel my heart clench slightly.

Maybe… this was what he imagined home to be like…

However, he quickly snapped back to reality, his gaze falling to the fairy light before us once more.

Evan: The workmanship of these fairy lights are very intricate, and each bulb is shaped differently.

MC: Yeah. Look, this one’s a small pepper and this one’s a little eggplant...

Evan: Yes. And this one here. This one looks like you; the little rabbit.

MC: It really is a rabbit! You've got some keen observation skills.

MC: But, why am I the only animal? That sounds a little lonely…

Evan: You won't be lonely; because the one right beside the little rabbit's me.

Evan spread his arms, displaying the light bulb beside the little rabbit on the string of lights. But, all I saw was a red ball of light there.

MC: And what does this one look like? I can't really tell

Evan: It doesn't matter what it looks like; because I'm the only one who will stay by the little rabbit's side, regardless.

Although his smile was much warmer in the light, his tone still held an undeniable wistfulness.

I felt an odd sense of panic, but I didn't feel like fleeing from it.

❖☆———————————★❖

Eventually, we put the fairy lights up on the tent.

The constantly flickering and changing lights made the tent look cuter, and much more lovely. It felt like home.

I watched as Evan entered the tent, settling himself comfortably within, his eyes narrowing into happy little slits in a closed-eyed smile. Seeing him this relaxed made my heart fill with joy.

MC: Time for your next wish, Evan!

Evan: Are we continuing? I'm already pretty satisfied.

MC: The game's only just started! You can be a little more willful; just like a little kid!

I gently tugged at his arm, softly coaxing him into giving in.

Getting him to relax was no easy feat; and now, I was finally seeing a glimmer of hope! I can't let it go to waste!

Evan: Alright, one more then.

MC: I'll say this first, but you're forbidden from wishing for something overly simple! I'm Doraemon; you've gotta put your trust in me!

Evan: Okay. Then I want to drink hand-brewed coffee.

He levelled a calm gaze at me, seemingly waiting for me to admit defeat; but I only smiled triumphantly.

MC: Just you wait and see!

I knew that Evan loved coffee, so I’d brought some ground coffee powder along with a set of simple brewing tools.

I lit the stove, boiled a pot of hot water, and slowly poured it into the filter where I’d placed the powder, balanced atop an empty cup, going in circular motions. Soon, a cup of fragrant hand-brewed coffee was made.

I handed the cup of coffee to Evan. He lowered his head to give the aroma a whiff, a pleased smile appearing on his face.

Evan: A fragrance that I love.

Evan: But it's missing a little something.

He then moved to personally make a similar cup for me. We both sat down across each other, nursing our cups of coffee and taking small sips from it.

Even while sitting on a foldable chair, the way he drank his coffee was still as elegant as ever.

The forest was silent. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of intermittent chirping of the insects hidden within the foliage, adding to the relaxed and leisurely atmosphere.

MC: Evan, don’t you think that it’s been a long time since we’ve stepped away from the bustling city life to simply spend time together like this, thinking about nothing?

MC: You seem busy lately. I'm honestly a little concerned if you actually have time to wind down…

Evan: Thank you for your concern. I do have the time to do so once in a while.

He raised the cup of coffee in his hand.

Evan: This is the aroma I settle down with every lunch break, to watch a movie, or to read a book.

MC: Right, I often do the same as well.

A flicker of thought entered my mind, and I immediately latched on.

MC: I know! I've helped you think of your next wish!

Evan: Oh? And what is it?

I smiled mysteriously at him, turning around to rummage through my bag.

I happened to bring a book along with me today, so I searched the contents of my bag for it, pulling it out and handing it to him.

He ran his fingers across the gold-gilded text that had been printed onto the book cover. After a while, he suddenly returned the book to me. I raised my head in slight surprise, only to see the slight smile hidden in the corner of his eyes.

Evan: If that's how it is, then could I trouble you to read a paragraph for me?

MC: Sure.

Opening the book, I picked out a story that was about the forest and slowly started reading aloud.

It was seemingly enough to please him. He held onto his coffee, slowly leaning into the soft pillow, closing his eyes in satisfaction.

After finishing a paragraph, I closed the book, only to find him staring at me seriously. There was a fire flickering within his crimson orbs.

Evan: You know, I actually like this story a lot.

Evan: The first time I read this book, I imagined myself in the protagonist’s shoes.

Evan: Riding a small boat in a remote and secluded river, letting the current take me wherever it goes.

Evan: Expecting nothing, with no destination in mind. It doesn’t matter if I get stuck in a rapid, or if I’m just turning around in place.

MC: Sounds romantic enough. What happened after? Did you ever try doing so?

Evan: Not yet. Later, I ended up coming to the forest many times, but unfortunately, none of it was to seek recreation.

Evan: Which means, this is my first time.

Evan: So, thank you; for making this a memorable night for me.

He seemed a little tuckered out, and his voice was as soft as a mere whisper. His eyes were slowly fluttering shut as he spoke.

His eyelashes slid down as his eyes closed, casting a faint shadow on his features. I quietly observed how picturesque he looked like that as I thought back to everything he’d just said. A new plan was born within my heart.

Perhaps this wish was something that I could truly fulfil for him.

❖☆———————————★❖

The next morning, at exactly 5 AM. I was roused from my slumber as my alarm clock rang.

I gave a big wide stretch, casting a glance at Evan. Thankfully enough, he hadn’t been awoken by the alarm and was still curled up in the sleeping bag next to be, fast and soundly asleep.

After doing a simple wash up, I quietly exited the tent.

We passed by a commercial campground yesterday while searching for a suitable campsite. It provided rental services of a wide variety of camping equipment.

That’s why my first thought had been this place when I heard Evan mention boating last night. Hence, I contacted them and reserved an inflatable kayak.

With the help of my mobile GPS navigator, I walked the forest for about half an hour before I finally arrived at the campsite.

After waiting outside for a good long while, the owner whom I’d previously made an appointment with came up to me in a right state of panic.

Campsite Owner: Sorry! Some trouble cropped up, so I’m late…

MC: Don’t worry about it. What happened though? Do you need any help?

Campsite Owner: Can I bother you? If so, then yes please! I’ll tell you what happened…

After a while, I handed a trembling kitten to the owner.

It began rolling about as soon as it returned to its owner’s arms, acting like a baby as it rubbed itself against the owner’s palm, as if expressing regretfulness for its actions.

MC: The little guy must have been scared out of its mind.

Campsite Owner: Yeah. Thank you so much, Miss! I have no idea what I'd have done without you.

MC: Don't worry about it. It's no big deal.

When I came to the campsite earlier, the owner had been in the middle of a cat problem. It had climbed to the top of the tree without anyone's notice and didn't dare come down.

It had been meowing helplessly at the very top. Hence, I immediately joined the rescue effort without a second thought.

I hear that it had already been stuck up the tree for about 10 hours or more. We didn't have a tall enough ladder, so it took a great amount of improvisation to finally save the poor kitten.

Campsite Owner: Oh, right. J nearly forgot your kayak. This isn't light, though! Can you carry it alone?

MC: Huh?

I stepped forward to test its weight. The folded inflatable kayak was indeed heavier than I expected. But thinking about how Evan would react upon seeing this kayak, I suddenly felt that this extra weight meant absolutely nothing in comparison.

Campsite Owner: *Sigh* Since you've helped me, I ought to repay you the favour by lugging this back for you. But I've still got appointments later so I really can't afford to leave...

Campsite Owner: Rental's free of charge then! Have fun with it!

MC: It's alright, I can just take my time carrying it back. Thank you!

After bidding my farewells to the owner, I took the kayak with me and left the campsite.

I hadn't made it fat when my arms started feeling sore. All I could do was to put the kayak on the ground and take a short breather.

As I spaced out, I suddenly heard a muffled sound coming from within the depths of the forest.

My ears tuned in to the sound in full alert. Whatever that was, it was by no means small. 

Was it an animal? Or was it someone?

The crunching sound of leaves approached closer and closer. Now, I could tell without a doubt that those footsteps were most definitely human. And it sounded a little rushed; panicked, even.

Feeling a little uneasy, I couldn’t help but stand back up.

Then, a familiar figure emerged from the dense forest.

MC: …Evan!?

He seemingly breathes out a long sigh of relief upon spotting me. He quickly strode up to me.

Evan: I finally found you, at least.

Evan: I woke up in the morning to find you missing, and you never picked up even when I called. I was worried sick.

He looked as calm and unruffled as ever at first glance. The only difference was that he seemed a little out of breath.

This place isn’t close to our campsite at all. How long has he been searching for me out in the woods?

Thinking about it made me feel a little guilty.

I ended up telling him briefly about the unexpected situation I’d encountered in the commercial camp and everything before that.

MC: I left really early. I initially thought that I’d be back before you woke up, but I never thought that I’d take that long to get back...

MC: I’ve been busy this entire time so I didn’t have the time to check my phone. Sorry for worrying you.

Evan: It's okay. Just… Don't leave my side without saying anything next time, alright?

I nodded and lowered my eyes in embarrassment. Unexpectedly, I then noticed that he’d buttoned a button near the hem of his dress shirt wrong.

Having never seen Evan disregard his appearance in this manner before, I very nearly failed to suppress my snort of laughter.

Evan: Hm? What's the matter?

I shook my head, undoing that button and rebuttoning it right. It was only then that he noticed his slight gaffe. He laughed at his own mistake.

Evan: …Thank you.

Looking into his eyes, I couldn't hold back the urge to ask him the one thing that had been nagging at my mind.

MC: This place is not anywhere close to our campsite. How did you know I was here?

Evan: I couldn't contact you in the morning, so I searched around the tent to see if you left anything resembling a note behind.

Evan: I remembered that you seemed interested in this place when we passed by it yesterday, so I thought that maybe this was where you'd gone.

I hadn’t expected him to see completely through me as he cast a glance at the kayak on the ground.

MC: *Sigh* Why did you figure everything out like that? I wanted to surprise you!

Evan: Don't worry about it. This is also a surprise in and of itself, don't you think? Thank you for all the effort you've put in.

Evan: It feels pretty good to have your wish granted by someone else.

He gently took my hand in his, enveloping my palm in his bigger one, transmitting his unusual body warmth.

Evan: But I also want you to know that just you being by my side's more than enough for me.

My train of thought was disrupted by his tender gaze, making it hard for me to gather my thoughts together.

MC: But I don't think that's enough.

MC: You’re always taking care of others and listening to their wishes, but you can’t forget yourself and your wishes.

MC: I want to hear more of your wishes. You can always be a little greedier when you’re with me, Evan...

He looked at me for a fleeting second before suddenly closing in on me. He only stopped when my figure was completely enshrouded within his shadow.

Evan: Then, can I be greedy one last time?

MC: Huh…?

Not waiting for me to give him an answer, he advanced a step forwards, pulling me into a hug.

His arms were solidly wound around me, and the fragrance of wormwood that came with his embrace was lasting and stronger than ever.

The strength behind his action made it hard for me to reject him, hard for me to escape. 

Oddly enough, I felt a little intoxicated by it, slowly closing my eyes.

❖☆———————————★❖

The next day, early morning. I woke up to the melodious singing of birds.

Evan was already awake, neatly dressed and sitting on the folded chair at the entrance, sipping on a cup of coffee.

Evan: Good morning. Sleep well last night?

MC: Brilliantly! I was so tired from walking so long yesterday that I fell asleep the moment my head met the pillow.

MC: Oh, right. It’ll take quite a long time to go back where we came, so let’s eat something, pack up, and leave as soon as possible!

Evan set his cup of coffee down,

Evan: Aren’t you forgetting something?

MC: Huh?

Evan: I recall you wanting to see bamboo piths, but we have yet to see any.

I froze, awkwardly laughing it off

That had originally been an excuse to get him outside and I’d totally forgotten about it.

MC: Hehe. I’m not that adamant about seeing bamboo piths.

MC: I only said that back then as an excuse to get you out so that you can relax.

MC: I heard that you had things rather rough before that so I was a little worried about you.

He looked slightly surprised. Then, he lowered his eyes, a warm smile catching onto the sides of his mouth.

Evan: So it was because of me.

Evan: Thank you for accompanying me here. I’m certainly much more relaxed now.

MC: But considering how you were previously… Are you really okay?

Evan: Yes. It’s probably not as bad as you’re thinking. I was just thinking about some old people and old things and felt a little glum about it.

Evan: I never thought that I’d end up alarming others.

MC: Why am I “others” now?

MC: Don’t bottle your troubles up to solve them yourself. You need to remember to share them with people close to you as well!

Evan: Okay. I will keep that in mind.

I still didn’t know what he was troubled by, but I suppose this was still within my expectations.

From my impression of him, he has always been strong. It was almost as if he was shouldering a mission that no one knew about, walking down a similarly obscured path.

After finishing breakfast, we packed and prepared to leave the forest.

We idly chatted with each other along the way until suddenly, Evan stopped short while we were passing through an area.

Following his gaze, I saw a unique-looking umbrella-shaped thing growing within the shrubbery’s shade.

Evan: See? We still managed to chance upon it.

MC: Wow, are all of these bamboo piths?

We walked over together, squatting beside the small white fungi.

It had a small black cap and had grown out a long white mesh skirt.

This was the first time I ever saw a bamboo pith growing in the soil. I widened my eyes in surprise, unwilling to blink as I drank in the sight. After observing it for a while, I finally raised a finger, reaching out to touch its “skirt”.

MC: It’s so wet and soft-looking! It’s adorable! Have you seen it before, Evan?

MC: I can’t believe you managed to recognize it at a glance!

Evan: Yes. It was back during the first time I’d been driven into the forest as a child.

Evan: I witnessed the law of the jungle and escaped from the jaws of death of a snake. I felt like the forest was a place filled with danger and wanted nothing but to leave the place the faster, the better.

Evan: Then, just as I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo pith.

Evan: At that time, I didn’t know what it was and if it was actually poisonous.

Evan: Deep in the throes of despair, I thought “why not just take it, eat it, and see what my fate turns out to be”?

MC: Evan…

Evan: But guess what I saw while I was hesitating?

Evan: I saw it growing its fungus skirt. All it took was a little effort on its part, and its little skirt grew longer and longer.

Evan: I stared at it blankly, in a daze. I didn’t even notice that my legs had gone numb from how long I’d stared at it.

He retracted himself from his memory palace, turning around to face me with a smile.

Evan: It was as simple as a little young lady, capable of encouraging me with its adorability and enchantments.

Evan: It made me understand that forest, in all its gloom and doom, still has its own little interesting spots.

Evan: And that one is only capable of seeing it by living on, don’t you think?

His expression was quiet, but within those calm eyes of his, I could see that little boy who’d struggled his hardest to remain strong. I felt my heart constrict slightly at that and moved to hold his hand tightly in my own.

MC: Evan, that’s all in the past. You’re no longer that helpless little boy.

Evan: No, I’m fine.

Evan: I might have forgotten even this if we hadn’t seen the bamboo piths today.

Evan: It feels a little unbelievable when I think back on it now. It was a memory plagued by darkness, yet it still held its own beautiful moments.

I felt a pang of sorrow creep into my heart. Words of comfort were right at the tip of my tongue, yet I felt like they’d be completely helpless.

This man before me, strong as a warrior; someone who’d been forced to face life-or-death decisions from a very young age… Maybe he wasn’t as complicated as I initially thought he was.

There are many reasons why one would choose death, but to choose life? The reason was simple; just a little spark was required, and Evan was no exception.

MC: I forgot who said it, but someone once said that the meaning of existence that people spend their entire lives seeking out is actually hidden in the simple things.

MC: Evan, won’t you say that you might end up thinking similarly as well one day?

MC: You might not be able to find it immediately, but that’s fine. I will accompany you in your search for it, no matter how long it takes.

Evan fixed me with a profound look before stretching out his hand and reverently crossing it over my own.

Evan: Alright. Together we shall be.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose your Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]

END 2 +3 + 4 | Choice: Call Out [呼唤] ⊹Speak⊹

END 4 + 6 | Choice: Approach [亲近] ⊹Touch⊹

END 7 + 8 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ☆Light & Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Revolution⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Prologue)

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 25 - Easily

Masterlist; Chapter 24

Summary: Finally.

Warnings: 18+ (a lot of things happening 😌); swearing.

Author’s Notes: Hello 2 am upload 🙈 but at last... here we are. This one took a lot of effort... and getting into the zone. 10k words long scene... who else would be capable of this, huh?  🙃

I think this is as much of a crucial one as the finale will be and so I hope you’ll find it... satisfying. Enjoy (hopefully) and let me know what you think? 

P.S. the song for this one is Muse ‘Easily’ (which is also my favourite song hence you know *wink wink*)

The cabin was silent save for the sound of your shallow breathing. Even if you wanted to break the silence, there were no words for this. Nothing useful in the dictionaries to describe it. Ineffable.

With your heart fluttering nervously within its cage, you returned Neil’s intense gaze. You knew what this was – seeking reassurance. A question whether the kiss did what you needed it to do. In an answer, you could only lift your head and crash your lips into his in search of more. Your hands slid down his neck and arms to rest on the sides, slowly inching underneath the shirt. With Neil’s arms trapping you beneath him, there was nothing else to do but let go. The stifled feelings and desires took the lead as you kissed him with all the urgency of a starved beggar. That took him by surprise. He gasped when you tugged at his lower lip ferociously and grazed your fingernails over the skin on his back. He broke the kiss, darkened irises roaming over your face with evident infatuation. He seemed fascinated, as though the strength of your desire was unexpected. Idiot. After a moment, Neil leaned in again, setting up a slow tempo with his lips brushing over yours almost tenderly, building up the unavoidable heat. You shivered, letting out a quiet whimper that he caught, smiling against your mouth. Your tongue darted out, tracing the outline of his lips, drawing out groans. The overwhelming familiarity settling in with warmth spreading across your chest. It was always supposed to be like this.

Neil leaned down on his forearm, using the free hand to hike up your sweater and trace featherlike touches down your navel, as far as the band of trousers would allow. The simple gesture was enough to make you tremble. He noticed it, smirk adding a predatory gleam to his face, and repeated the torturous move. Teasing, tempting you as though you needed anything more to be convinced. Nothing else mattered. Only this. Frustration boiling over, you took hold of his chin with one hand, forcing Neil to meet your wild gaze. His eyes glistened with a passion that still had the potential to make you breathless. He raised his eyebrow in silent question, hand still roaming freely over your body, causing goosebumps wherever it went. Forcing the brain to work, you whispered out a command:

“More” meeting his gaze with unhidden desire, you licked your lips unconsciously.

He caught it, grin widening as his gaze flicked between your mouth and eyes as though unable to focus.

“Of what?” leaning in, Neil brushed his nose against yours.

“You,” using the hold over his chin, you swept your thumb over his lips, prying them open.

He did not need more information than that. His mouth collided with yours eagerly, wasting no time to deepen the kiss and take everything you had for him. It felt just like you remembered. No unnecessary tenderness as you both got lost in each other. Sighs and groans punctuating the moment with impatience. The pull that always took you aback was still there, making you cling as close as possible. With one hand resting on his side, just next to the familiar bullet scar, you could easily hoist your leg over his hip. You had to get closer. It seemed like the matter of utmost urgency. The change of position made Neil break the kiss. He was breathing heavily as his hand slid down your thigh in a gentle caress. Another simple gesture causing havoc in your veins. You gazed at him, exposing the inner needs by impatiently tugging on his shirt. Closer. Whatever Neil saw in your eyes gave him a clue. A mischievous spark in the blue irises before he started trailing kisses from the corner of your mouth to the jaw and down the neck. With each touch of his lips and brush of the stubble, you inhaled sharply. He always knew what to do to make you fall apart within seconds, expertly using the experience of all those stolen moments to choose the spots that were bound to make you squirm with increasing pleasure. A small peck underneath the ear. A light bite near the collar bone. Nerve endings alight. Defenceless, you exposed more skin for his use by tilting your head, helplessly letting your hands roam over his chest. The firm muscles an object of pure fascination. Yours. Soon you have been resolved to sighs and gasps, bucking your hips against his with undeniable need. The warmth spreading with alarming speed, hazing your mind. Only one clear thought remained. You had to have him. To make him yours.

“Neil, please…” the weak plea was enough to make him stop.

He placed a final reverent kiss on the edge of your jaw and met your eyes. No shame. A teasing smirk dangling off the corner of his mouth.

“Begging for mercy already?” the husky tone sent shivers down your spine.

Aware of your struggles, Neil ran his fingers up and down your thigh. Certain kinds of touches made the fabric seem almost non-existent. You wanted to put up a fight, to find a biting comeback. But that part of your brain has shut down, locked on that one incessant thought – closer. And so, you did your best to let that longing into your eyes, as you whispered:

“Let me touch you,” purposeful, shamefully desperate.

Neil swallowed, shocked by your honesty. The simplicity of your wishes. You caught a glimpse of something strange pass through his features before he once again captured your lips in a breathless kiss. You cupped his cheek, tracing all the sharp angles. He broke away, leaving a breath of space, the perfect opportunity for you to kiss the tip of his nose. You grinned at his stunned expression, filled with fondness that had the potential of shattering your heart into smithereens. It would be worth it. The soft smile assured you of that.

After a beat, Neil straightened, kneeling above you, extending a hand in an invitation to get what you asked. You took it without a second wasted, shifting on the bed so you could face him. A flutter of anxious butterflies swirled in your stomach as you reached out, fingers settling on his shoulders. Neil placed his hands on your waist underneath the sweater, caressing the skin gently. He was observing you curiously, fascinated by the urgency you have shown. You ran your hands down his arms, feeling the biceps, briefly intertwining your fingers. Encouraged by the lack of protest, you gathered up his shirt, lifting it, showing him what was necessary. Neil smiled, placed a kiss on your forehead, and took over your attempts, taking off the garment and throwing it to the side. Your mind went blank as it always did. Eyes darting to admire and devour what was already familiar. Then, as though caught within a dream, you placed your hand over his heart and met his gaze.

“Is this better?” a hint of a smile upon his lips as Neil pulled you closer.

Despite the need pooling in your veins, the heart let out a painful thump. After everything, it was almost incomprehensible. Him with you like this. Like it always should have been. Overwhelmed with love, you pulled him into a tight hug. The warmth of his skin feeling like a revelation, you hid your face in his neck. Without hesitation, Neil returned the embrace, nuzzling your temple with audible relief. Finally, you knew what home felt like.

“I missed you” the whisper felt almost like a confession of something far more substantial.

And you knew why.

Neil froze. Fuck. You could tell that something was wrong. Worries confirmed when he let out a strange choking sound and released you abruptly. Blood turned cold as the panicked butterflies went into a frenzy. Please no. Before you could read anything from his face, he quickly stood up and turned away from the bed. Muscles tense, shoulders squared. There had to be a solution. Fighting to keep the panic under wraps, you stood up, watching him closely. He was motionless, hands covering his face as he let out strained breaths. Whatever you did caused havoc within his mind. You had to help him. That much was clear. Courage, dear heart. You crossed the space, tentatively reaching out trembling hand to touch his back. Upon the contact, Neil gasped quietly, as if surprised you were still there, willing to solve it. Using the lack of objection as encouragement, you took another step closer and pressed a light kiss between his shoulder blades. Your arms wound around his waist as you closed the remaining gap, resting your head against the firm muscles. After a moment of reluctance, Neil’s hands covered yours. That was all the assurance you needed to ask the critical question:

“What’s wrong?” the emotions weighing down your voice, making it come out hoarse and quiet.

His fingers glided over yours, brushing the knuckles with the care you never dreamt of experiencing. Whatever was bothering him could not taint the truth. Your fragile reality locked within the intimacy of the moment.  Neil took a deep breath, tensing again as though bracing himself against something terrifying. Then he started speaking:

“You deserve an explanation after all that… mess, and yet, here I am trying to…” he trailed off, anxiety and frustration permeating every word.

Your heart cracked upon the realisation. Before you could gather enough words to protest, he continued:

“I worry that I’m pressuring you into this… that I’m asking for too much-” the weariness gnawing at your soul with force.

“Neil, stop,” you cut in sharply, tightening the embrace, “Don’t make it sound like it’s one-sided. I want it too,” your voice wavered as your face warmed up.

Obvious and yet… Admitting it felt like a step too far, like you were the one who could mess it all up by being too eager. The doubts were ready to step in, but you could not let them. Lost in the internal battle, you have not realised when Neil stepped away from the hug and turned to face you. He tilted your chin, making you meet his gaze. Conflict painted across the features you knew by heart. He was nibbling on the bottom lip again, eyes roaming across your face with worry.

“Are you sure?” he breathed out a question, blush tinting his cheeks, “Because it shouldn’t… it wasn’t meant to happen like this”

Briefly, you wondered how was it that neither of you could use the words for this. Actual adult words. But maybe those would come later. You understood his worries, feeling your fears creeping at the edge of the desire and love which took hold of every single cell within your body. There would be time to give them a voice after. Now, all that mattered was Neil and making him understand what you needed. Convincing him that what he tried to stifle was what you wanted. You took one of his hands between your palms, gently rubbing the knuckles:

“We will have to talk, but now… now I want to let go” meeting his gaze purposefully, you let the words fill the tense silence “After weeks of feeling unwanted, I want to forget. To let myself believe that this is real…” unwanted tear welled up in your eye “Only promise I need right now is that this will mean something to you” you finished the sentence, fingers thoughtlessly travelling up his forearms.

There it is. An offer he was free to reject. The only truth that mattered. Somewhere within the past hour, you have realised that you were ready. That no matter the regrets that could follow, you had to give in. Let him have everything should he want it. There would be nothing revolutionary about it, just a natural step on the journey that began months ago in that café in London. Unavoidable.

Neil was watching you closely, catching up on the meaning of things you were not saying. He took a step closer, the struggle slowly giving way to the longing you have seen before. And honesty that could easily murder you with its authenticity. He met your gaze before speaking:

“It will. I want you. And not only now. Not until it happens, but always” you felt like drowning in the boundless adoration you could see in his face “It’s just that I’m terrified of fucking it all up because I care… so much” Neil swallowed hard, frowning at his sentence “Christ, that sounds like a terrible understatement…” with the hand shaking slightly he ruffled the hair, betraying nerves “You’re everything I want. The reason why-”

Oh god. You feared that if he said even a word more, you might just about crumble on the spot. From the excess of love, affection, and disbelief. Each consecutive sentence felt like a stab into your heart. But there was no pain, just too much of everything. You wondered whether it was always supposed to feel like this. Like being on fire. Like the chest bursting from the abundance of passion. You closed the remaining gap, fingers curling around his biceps. Before he could utter that final catastrophic sentence, you whispered:

“Shut up” without waiting for a reaction you pressed your lips against his.

It was your time to lead, pouring everything you felt and could not dare say into the kiss. After a second of reluctance, Neil started kissing you back. The idle hands grasping onto the nape of your neck. Fingers tangling in your hair, pulling you even closer. Small sighs and groans he let out into your mouth kindling the spark. The fix for an addiction you were long due. The sweetest of relapses. The taste of absolution. Infinite potential.

After over a minute, he broke the kiss, gasping for oxygen, eyes clouded with infatuation. It was that look in his face that gave you the courage to reach out for what you needed. You took hold of his hands and breathed out the words that could destroy everything:

“Love me,” unable to meet Neil’s eyes you placed his hands on your hips, “Show me what it’s like to be wanted,” your voice cracked, exposing the storm unfolding inside.

You had to find a way of shutting up the doubts, the uncertainties. Of getting lost in him. Of getting what suddenly seemed just as necessary as water and food.

“I-” he choked out the syllable making your gaze snap up to meet his.

You could see it there. The three words ingrained within the blue eyes, lips parted and ready to proclaim what you could not dare believe. Not yet. Now the confession could kill you, delivering that final blow. He had to understand. It was the only way you could make it work. By acting on the instincts.

That is exactly what you did, rendering Neil speechless with something as simple as a kiss placed on his shoulder. Then more all along the collarbone, taking the sharp inhales and tightening hold over your waist as consent. At times you would let your teeth lightly graze over the skin, reminding him of the potential. Stopping at the sternum, you glanced up, only to be met with Neil’s piercing gaze looking down at you without any guards present. Only unbridled desire and love. Bravery filled your veins as you continued the meticulous exploration. Your hands gently caressed his stomach, tracing the various scars and imperfections. Once you reached the other shoulder, pressing a pious kiss on one of many beauty marks scattered over his skin, Neil lifted your chin. He kissed you on the forehead softly, drawing out a sigh. A thank you for something you would have given him anyway. Then, without breaking the eye contact and making sure you noticed every single emotion visible in his face, he cupped your cheek:

“May I?” one single question whispered with enough certainty to make your heart stumble.

Somehow you knew what he was asking. With blood pounding in your ears, you nodded. Once, curtly, decidedly.

“Yes,” a little breathless, cheeks turning pink.

Anything. Always.

In response, you got one of those smiles that lit up his whole face, making everyone understand why Neil was worth dying for. Without wasting time, he tugged at the borrowed sweater you were wearing and took it off over your head in one swift move. For once you were glad there were no layers. His eyes flitted over your torso covered only with a black sports bra. No judgement or calculation. Just as if he wanted to commit you to memory. As if you were an object of art one could fall in love with. The blush darkened as your breath hitched, awaiting the next move. Neil took a step closer again, a curious glint in his eyes as he leaned down. Featherlike touch all over your chest, followed by gentle kisses on the collarbones and shoulders. You gasped, the softness of his lips contrasting with the scratch of the stubble and the light bites. Testing the waters, returning the favour. You closed your eyes, focusing entirely on the moment, resting your hands on his sides. It felt almost too blissful, slowly making you crave more. Experimentally, you ran your fingers over his pelvic bones, grateful for the low-rise trousers and the possibilities given. Neil finished his study with a kiss on your neck, choosing the spot that always made you shiver with anticipation. You opened your eyes only to be met with a look of adoration:

“Thank you,” his words breaking the heavy silence.

There was something new in his expression. As if now, after everything, he realised that there would be no more hiding. And he was not afraid of whatever would happen. Blind conviction. Belief in you and whatever you had. Afraid of disrupting the moment, you lowered down your voice to ask:

“For what?” your brow furrowed, trying to understand what he meant.

Or why was he suddenly looking at you as though you were the centre of his universe. There was no getting rid of the blush tinting your cheeks. Of the nervous flutters in your stomach and fire flowing in your veins. You knew it would only get worse. Neil watched you closely, a small smile on his lips. Then he finally answered, with more confidence than you could ever deem possible.

“Being extraordinary,” he whispered the words softly, inches away from your mouth.

Oh my god. You did not even try to school the features, showing the boundless extent of shock, disbelief, and astonishment. He meant it; that was undeniable. Your heart stopped for a millisecond, unable to process a compliment like that. Far from a cliché. Exactly what you could need. Before your vicious brain could come up with a disagreement, you closed the gap, expressing how it felt through the kiss. A long, chaotic one that meant you soon lost the coherence and perception of surroundings. Everything was Neil, and Neil was everything. He always gave you his all in those kisses, opening his mouth almost instantly, brushing his tongue against yours. It was as if for him this was a way of getting lost. You could not help but wonder whether he would be like this further down the line too. In desperate need of oxygen, you took the breath from his lungs, earning a muffled groan along the way. You smiled against his mouth, certain that this time you would have the upper hand. An advantage.

That is until you suddenly felt something soft against the back of your legs. The bed. Your brain caught up at the last minute, a small yelp slipping out as Neil pushed you down to perch on the edge of the mattress. How even… Exasperated, you opened your eyes to understand the intentions. That too was a mistake. In a second, you were struck with the sight of Neil deliberately kneeling on the floor at your feet. He met your gaze with a tiny shrug as if you should have expected it to go this way. Any thoughts of blonde bastards and their antics could not win with the overwhelming fondness. He was quite the image. Shirtless, dishevelled, and bewitched. By you, of all people. The devilish glimmer in his stormy eyes added an edge to the look. A fallen angel determined to take you with him. As if you wouldn’t want to take the plunge anyway… On its own accord, your hand darted forward, fingers carding through his long golden strands. His gaze darkened; you could almost see the thoughts swirling, ideas about the next steps. Then, as you cupped his cheek, something clicked. Neil took hold of your palm and angled it to kiss the pulse point. You held your breath, unable to break the eye contact. The hints of a smug smile as his lips trailed down the tracks of your veins, leaving pecks every few inches. You never knew skin could feel like that. Like being ablaze.

As his study neared your upper arms, you could not stop yourself from blurting:

“Why-” the attempt got stopped with a finger against the lips.

“Shush” fuck.

Your eyes widened upon the command. It was the combination of the steel resolve and his low tone that did it. Or so you told yourself as you felt the familiar jolt within the core. Neil’s finger brushed over your mouth, tracing the outline of your lips. He must have noticed the increasing hunger in your eyes, for he grinned and resumed the caress.

You were not sure how the next few developments happened. In one moment, Neil was leaving kisses all over your forearm, leaning over your knees to get access. The next, he was comfortably positioned between your legs, one hand resting atop of your thigh, the other causing shivers all along your stomach with the careful strokes. From this position, he could easily do whatever he wanted. Which he did, his mouth travelling southward of the familiar territory, lips brushing the swell of your breasts and then below the band of the bra. You felt worshipped, seduced with utmost care. Another light kiss over one of the upper ribs was enough to make you whine in frustration you could not control. Neil’s eyes snapped up to your face, taking in the longing and frenzy painted all over. No smile this time, only a soft brush of his lips against yours and then:

“Can we go slowly?” the question was whispered almost shyly, “I want to learn you” to prove the point, his fingers ran down your side, checking the reaction.

You shivered, swallowing hard at the obvious implications behind the question. Somehow the idea that Neil did not mind your slow pace felt too good to be true. No one has ever been that generous before. Not daring to take chances upon him changing his mind, you nodded, lost in the way he was glancing up at you. Undiminished trust and fascination. So much love. Afraid to spill too many words, you retorted quietly:

“You know me pretty well,” the nervous smile tugging at your lips uninvited.

The electrifying mixture of tension and excitement travelling down your veins. You would not wish to be anywhere else, and yet the nerves were there too. A little anxious voice you had to get rid of as soon as possible.

It seemed like Neil had the same idea.

“Not like this,” he smiled softly before leaning down again.

This time he started kissing down your stomach. Each brush of his lips resonating through your body, culminating deep within. Adding on to the pile of issues. All of them relating to the man so religiously caressing your skin. You wondered how much longer you could survive without having to ask him for more. For help. Focusing on the golden mane of hair, you distractedly tangled your fingers in his strands.

“Is that a promise?” barely reaching the end of the question, the breath getting trapped in your throat with a sharp inhale.

Neil stopped right where the band of your trousers met the exposed skin. He glanced up from underneath the long eyelashes. His eyes were dark, filled with a proposition of much more than this. If you were willing to wait.

“It might be…” a murmur and then a gentle kiss on the navel.

You sucked in the remains of oxygen. Oh god. His lips glided over your skin carefully, showing the potential. The knot tightened as you released a shameless moan. Your body felt as though it could go up in flames at any given moment. Neil had other plans, however. He raised his head and stole a quick kiss without giving you a moment to recover. Then he slid down the straps of your bra one by one and reached for the clasp:

“Is it alright if I…?” a tentative question as his fingers trailed over your back.

Insecurities were one thing, the fact that he was waiting until you gave him permission was another. Too generous.

“Yes. You don’t have to ask” breathless, bothered, yet unable to care anymore.

Your dismissal got met with a serious affirmation.

“I always will,” punctuating the sentence with the action he got rid of the garment.

It was different in Oslo. Back then, you were too caught up in the haze to care. Now you felt exposed, seen by the person that mattered most. Neil was openly admiring you with an enigmatic expression in his eyes. That caused a spike of anxiety as you unconsciously started to cover your torso with your arms. Only to be stopped with a firm grasp over your forearm. Shyly, you met his piercing gaze. Your heart was racing, pulse pounding in your ears. There was no going back from this. Not for you. Before your brain could kick into panic, Neil tilted your chin to make sure you saw the adoration in his eyes:

“You’re beautiful” voice full of conviction.

You wanted to believe him, pulling Neil in for another kiss, letting him envelop you in an embrace. The skin on skin. Closer. Almost there but not yet. You still needed more than this. But it had to wait. Getting lost in the kiss was too easy at this point, the only way of making you forget about everything else. Following instincts, you drew him even closer and then fell onto your back on the bed, pulling him with you. Neil broke the contact, breathing hard, pupils blown wide by surprise and want. He stared down at you, speechless.

That is until you grinned, encouraged by the rare advantage. Your bold touch over the front of his trousers was what kicked him back into action. A groan, flash of something dangerous, and a slight change of position so that he could continue the work from earlier. Hands and lips united in one simple purpose – to make you understand that there was no room for self-doubts. It did not take him long to leave you breathless. A mess of gasps and shudders as he covered every inch of your skin in kisses. Light bites only making everything worse twice fold. Helplessly, your fingers scratched his back, urging him to get closer. The pressure was rising steady and strong, every touch of his lips in all the right places reminding you of what you were trying to ignore. Only it was getting more difficult. Following mind of their own, your hands travelled down his sides, fingers hooking under the band of trousers, pulling them down by an inch. Neil raised his head, eyes dark, predatory gleam shining through. His gaze flitted over your face, taking in the flushed cheeks and heavy breaths. Then grinned, satisfied with what he has done to you. Teasing fingers trailing ghostly touches down your navel, never going where you wanted them. Infuriating. Huffing in irritation, you got back to the futile attempt of getting rid of his clothes. Only to be stopped with a smug smile and a hand grabbing yours:

“What is it?” the sparks told you that he knew exactly what was going on.

And yet… Bloody bastard. Before you could articulate the thought, he gave you even more reasons for hatred. His hand ventured between your thighs, rubbing the skin through the fabric, getting closer. That combined with the attention given to your breasts was enough to cause another shock to the system. Your thighs clenched on their own accord, embarrassment and irritation flashing from your eyes. Enough. You knew what to do. What was necessary. And he would have to obey.

“Just… take them off. Please,” the intended force got lost between gasps.

To indicate the meaning, you sharply drew his trousers down, exposing black briefs. Fuck. Shameful blush spreading over your cheeks as you let yourself stare with fascination. It was nothing new, but it felt like it was. You dared not meet Neil’s gaze; it was enough that you felt its weight settled on you without mercy. Unconsciously your curious hand brushed over his navel. The darker trail of hairs, the protruding pelvic bones and-

“Thanks for adding the please there” his chuckle threw you out of the zone as your eyes snapped up.

Way too confident. And satisfied with himself. You considered punching him in the teeth, but that could be anticlimactic. Instead, you did what you wanted as you tentatively skimmed your fingers over his crotch. Just as expected… Swallowing hard, you faced him with the newly found resilience.

“Didn’t want to sound rude,” a cocky tone added in to show you meant it.

The only indication that it worked was in the way he hesitated, a strangled groan escaping through the parted mouth. You repeated the touch, just so he understood.

“Only eager?” the strained voice adding further encouragement.

Suddenly it did not matter how needy you seemed. There was no need to hide it. Getting what you wanted was much more crucial. Not letting a second go wasted, you used your hold over his hips to pull him down.

“…Yes,” lips crashing into his with hunger you did not want to control.

Chaos. Everything all at once. Neil’s hands roaming over your body, tongue entangling with yours. The beginning of the end. Somehow, he managed to lower down your trousers, the movement urging you to break the kiss to finish off what he started. Kicking off the garment, you waited for Neil to do the same, watching the messy moves with a grin on your face. It was good. Hopeful even. As soon as he was done you extended a hand, pulling him back onto the mattress. Using the lack of irritating barriers, you embraced him tightly. Your bodies flush against each other, save for the underwear. That too had to go. Soon. Another turbulent kiss as your hands explored each other, searching for places to worship and study. Lying like this, side by side, tangled in each other, you understood why this was only a natural step. It made so much sense. You took your time, gliding all over his stomach and chest. Fingers tracing the scars. Lips trailing down his neck in reverence. He was a masterpiece, and he ought to be treated like one. Neil kept on kissing you, taking all that you were offering, slowly inching down your stomach with careful caress. Then, as he bit your lip, drawing out a moan, his hand palmed your underwear. Christ. One flash of surprise in those blue eyes told you what you knew already. It was bad. Soaked fabric clinging to your skin, increasing the frenzy. Answering the unasked question, you let him get rid of the panties; insecurities and uncertainty nowhere to be found. Slowly Neil shifted so that he had you pinned beneath him again. Hand brushing over the navel, jolts of electricity travelling down your veins at the simplest of touches. As his fingers dipped between the folds, you could only shudder, helplessly staring back into his eyes. There was no pretending.

“Christ, you’re so-” the raspy voice causing an additional wave of sensations.

Without finishing the sentence, he searched your face for something. His hand backtracked, traces of shame preventing you from looking at the mess you have made already. Forcing the brain to cooperate, you breathed out a question:

“Are you surprised?” you stared up at Neil with confidence you did not feel.

Whatever was bound to happen would probably kill you. That much was expected. The relentless throbbing between your legs only reminding you about the evident fact – you had it bad for Neil. And he knew that, eyes slowly roaming across your naked body, taking in everything new and about to be claimed. In the flesh this time. Finally.

“No,” Neil offered you a confident smirk, hand delving between your thighs once again without warning, “But this is still very… gratifying” lazily, his fingers parted the folds, collecting some of the wetness.

You huffed, attempting to force him to do more than that. To act. But to no avail. The satisfied look on his face was frustrating.

The fire in the pit of your stomach was building steadily, increasing with every passing second. You had to do something. To have him. Ideally. At the moment, it seemed like the matter of life and death. Everything else be damned.

“I’m glad I can amp up your ego,” managing to string together a coherent sentence, your hands settled on his hips, pulling him down again.

Your lips met in a sloppy kiss, your hazed brain barely able to keep up the rhythm. Using the distraction, you threw your leg over his hip, bringing your lower body flush with his. A clear signal.

But he, naturally, had other plans.

“Not yet. That has to wait a little” Neil pushed you back down, a visible frown etched between the furrowed eyebrows.

Oh for fuck’s sake. You let out a frustrated groan and leaned back to study his expression. You knew enough to know that he was more than ready. The front of his briefs told you as much. But torturous bastards always had to know better.

“Why? You-” your protest got stopped with a kiss you could not deny him.

Those never got boring. Each one bringing a new wave of need and desire. Your whole being focused on him and what you could receive. It never felt quite like this with anyone else.

Neil broke the contact, cupping your cheek tenderly:

“Yes, but first I want to take care of you,” terrifying depth of affection in his eyes doing nothing to extinguish the burning fire, “As you deserve. Like I promised in that one alley in Tallinn,” the telling smirk bringing back the memories with force.

Oh my god. The implication made you gasp loudly, widening his grin in the process. Of course you remembered that one promise. The specifics of what he wanted to do. The thought itself was enough to make you shiver, thighs clenching tightly. Before you could articulate how that proposition made you feel, he added:

“Don’t worry, the mess I’ll make out of you will only help me in this situation” a flash of the devil in the beautiful face and then a kiss laid with astonishing gentleness on your forehead.

Fuck. The shock must have painted on your face for Neil grinned, a tip of the tongue poking between the teeth like a bait. An enticement. As though you would need any of that. Without waiting for a further reaction, he started leaving kisses down your body.

“You’re...” he got as far as the sternum before you could choke out the word.

One of your hands tightened on the bedsheets, knowing well that what will happen will need holding on. A shiver ran down your spine when he reached that well-explored spot on the navel. Neil looked up, eyes dark and merciless:

“What?” a hand running up your thigh, prodding you to part your legs for him.

Like you had a choice. Forcing out a word seemed like a godly feat, and so you settled on the simplest of them:

“Insane,” spitting it out with intended strength, making sure he heard the frustration.

He did. The trademark smirk confirmed it. His hand travelled up your body in a purposeful caress. The learning did not take long; he already knew how to take you apart.

“I’ll show you what insanity feels like” the remark fell upon your fogged up conscience like a guillotine.

Any further words got trapped in your throat as he leaned down again, kissing down the navel, eyes searching yours for consent. A fervent nod had to do.

It was hard to prepare for. Your cheeks were burning as you watched the blonde head bowing between your thighs. For a second, the panicked voice wanted to remind you that this was a potentially life-ruining mistake. That you were letting Neil have it all. That it could end badly. The voice was silenced with a flash of lightning as you felt the offensive tongue part your lips in an exploratory move. Your fingers tightened on the material, the other hand instinctively grabbing onto Neil’s hair. He groaned upon the sensation, the vibrations making you buck your hips into his face. As though he was expecting that, he slung his arm over your thighs, keeping them in place. Keeping you helplessly spread out for the act. He began slowly, giving you all the time to get used to the thrill. It took less than a minute for you to start writhing under his strong hold, pathetic moans piercing the silence. As expected, Neil knew what to do. How to destroy you with the use of his mouth alone. His lips slowly enveloped your heat, free hand finding yours and lacing the fingers together. A grateful sigh escaped your throat, thumb brushing against his knuckles in appreciation. It only got worse then. The coil tightened. A peril of sweat appearing on your brow as the heat kept rising. Just when you thought you could hold on a little longer, Neil switched the technique, delving the tip of the tongue in. Christ. You yanked on the golden strands, showing how well that was working. He chuckled, the low sound making everything even worse. He kept on confidently penetrating the most sacred of places. Mindless of your forceful tugs on his hair or the cries you could not hold in.

Soon it became a losing game. You could only interweave curses in between moans and gasps. You were sure you were close to crushing his hand with the strength of your grasp, tightening upon every single move he made. There was no mercy here. Just the most primal of needs taking over everything else. As Neil directed all of his attention onto being the sole reason for your downfall, one persistent thought appeared in your hazed brain. You wanted him. To feel him everywhere. To chase that high and then claim it with him. His tongue expertly flicked against your clit. A whimper. Hips rocking forward on their own accord. More. All of the words getting stuck in your throat as he started lapping at your heat, taking everything you could offer. Like you were his object of unconditional adoration. As though giving you the pleasure was everything he wanted. A tiny voice in your brain reminded you again of the burning need. You were sure to lose sanity if this continued. Absolution needed and necessary. But not like this. It had to be with him. Feeling the end approach with the speed of light, you brushed your thumb over his knuckles and used the hold over his hair to bring needed attention.

“Neil… don’t…” the ability to speak was long gone, heavy breaths interrupting the intended sentence.

He raised his head, the glistening lips catching your attention with an additional spark of electricity within the veins. Oh god. He licked them unconsciously you shuddered, unable to look away. Fascination almost as good as what he was doing. Almost.

“Why? You haven’t-” his eyebrows furrowed as though completely lost on you.

You wanted to show him. To make him understand. But it was increasingly hard to do with the fire consuming your body and unresolved frustration nipping at the core. Insanity like no other. Speechless, incoherent, you forced the words out:

“Not without you” surely he could not miss the longing in your eyes.

You could point out the exact moment your word sank in. Neil’s pupils widened; lips parted a little letting out a sharp gasp. The blue eyes showing you boundless infatuation and astonishment as though your desires were unexpected. Swallowing hard, he found the voice:

“… Jesus, you-” a gulp, unable to finish the sentence and then a flash of something strange “Are you sure? Because we don’t have to. I can-” oh no.

Not this time.

“Neil” cutting in sharply, you made sure to show him the extent of urgency through the look in your eyes, “Please, I need you” as simple as that; the regrets would come later “I can’t- Don’t deny me that” you raised his chin, thumb brushing over the lips.

Collecting the remains of your fall from grace. Nothing else mattered. Neil looked as though what you said has crushed his heart. He moved back up to face you, careful hands leaving caresses along the way with breath-taking precision. As his eyes met yours, he breathed out the confession:

“I love-” not yet.

You took the words off his mouth with a kiss, tasting yourself in the process. It had to wait. This moment had to be about getting lost, about letting go of everything that was weighing you down. Words like those could only bring harm. Letting go, you whispered the explanation:

“Tell me after,” a resolve to break down his doubts.

It worked if that half-smile was anything to go by. He seemed to consider something quickly before shifting to a kneeling position above you. Following the simplest of needs, your hand darted forward, courageous fingers tracing down his stomach. Stopping at the familiar scar, you mused:

“You never told me why you did that” there was no need to clarify the meaning his eyes met yours with clear understanding.

And something else. A faint laugh as if Neil was amused you have not caught up with the obvious just yet. And then a glimmer of joy, looking down upon you with fondness:

“You’ll know… after,” he grinned, using your moment of confusion to take off the final piece of clothing.

It took your brain an additional second to catch up with everything. After… could that mean- And then, distracted by the thoughts too good to be true, your eyes landed on him again. Only to be shocked by the picture. Your reckless quip from a few days previously coming back to haunt you with vengeance. Compensating for something… yeah, no. A nervous chuckle built up in your throat as you bit down on your lip, unable to tear your eyes away. Not that you expected anything different. Someone this beautiful was ought to be also… lucky. Slowly shaking off the paralysis, you met Neil’s eyes. He was observing you with something akin to uncertainty. As though he had a reason to doubt himself. You took his hand in yours, murmuring:

“Come here,” a faint pull to give him back the confidence.

A flash of a grateful smile as he tumbled back into your arms. Carefully, you wrapped him in a tight hug, your racing hearts beating in the same tempo. Finally getting what you have been craving for so long felt strange. Almost unreal. But it was real, and so you let yourself breathe him in, hands caressing the skin slowly, with purpose. After a moment of quiet tenderness, you leaned back, cupping his cheek, you gazed into his eyes. Nothing to hide, only all of the feelings that you did not dare put into words just yet. Hope, love, faith. With the courage kindling within your heart, you allowed yourself to explore all that he revealed. The simplest of touches darkening his pupils, the hold over your waist tightening. A sigh here, tremble there. Enough to make you braver, kissing down his throat, fingers continuing their dance. Giving him back all of the pleasure and attention. Even if it was only a quarter of what he deserved.

Suddenly Neil tipped your chin, forcing an end to your ministrations, a hint of something strange in his eyes. That same uncertainty. Hesitation. Your chest tightened; heart unable to process the meaning without risking another crack. Finding words, you asked:

“Are you nervous?” gently, you ran your hands over his chest.

Feeling the steady beat beneath the fingertips, the warmth of his body giving security and protection from whatever could harm you. Home. The gratefulness in his eyes increasing the feelings.

“A little…” a hint of an insecure smile, “This is you and-”

Oh. A tiny pinprick of pain resonating through your heart. It never occurred to you that he could be anxious. Because of you, at that. But there was no need to be, no expectations to match up against. All you needed was for Neil to be there, to lose the inhibitions and just let it go.

“It’s only me” interjecting, you added the necessary emphasis “Nothing to worry about” a reassuring squeeze of hand as you made sure to show him the conviction in your eyes “I’ve got you” ending on a whisper, you offered him a small smile.

Before you could process anything, Neil kissed you hungrily, pouring all of the words into the act. It was gratitude and acceptance. As if what you said was exactly what he needed. Only once there was no breath left, he broke the contact, pressing his forehead against yours. Eyes boring into yours with unspoken confessions. And then, as though a switch has flipped, he allowed his hands to resume the familiar moves. Slowly building back up the tension, showing you that there were no more doubts. That was the needed cue to give you back the boldness, studying Neil with the necessary detail. You never knew it was possible to get so lost in something as straightforward as touch, the feeling of naked skin, the look in each other’s eyes. Maybe that’s what love should be.

As though sensing your changing mood, Neil searched your face before following the gentle pull of your hand towards where you needed him most. Just to show how bad it was. How urgent it felt. The flash of understanding in his eyes told you he knew what to do. A sigh escaped your lips as he carefully parted your folds with the fingers. The slow movement, teasing and preparing for what was to come. Letting go felt easy, effortless even. Listening to the most basic instincts, you used the hand that was not tangled in his hair to keep Neil wanting more. To remind him about his desires. Hiss in an answer was gratifying, making your lips twist in a smirk. It was good to know you held power too. Before you could become even more daring, Neil met your eyes with dangerous sparks in his gaze. It could only get worse. And you were right. Retracting his hand from between your thighs, he raised his fingers to his lips and licked them clean. Never breaking the eye contact; a rogue smile making everything worse. Fuck. A violent jolt shook your core at the sight. Bastard. A strangled groan escaped through your lips, frustration rising at the self-satisfied face expression.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” you rasped out, showing him the extent of annoyance through the look in your eyes.

A contradicting hand tracing invisible confession onto his back. The words would come soon enough there was no doubt about it.

“Don’t be so dramatic” Neil flashed you the happiest of grins.

Of course. With a ridiculous laugh bubbling in your throat, you stared back at the blonde man, overwhelmed with every emotion on the spectrum. Too much and yet not enough. Now.

“You’re an idiot” tipping his chin you captured his lips in a short kiss.

The relief and devotion in the blue eyes were palpable.

“Yours though,” he cupped your cheek, a soft smile lightening up his face.

With the three words on the tip of your tongue, you whispered the command:

“Show me” the resolution in your eyes aiming to tell him all that you could not express.

Neil nodded, placing a final kiss on your forehead, and shifted to hover above you. The nervous flutters in the pit of your stomach slowly getting consumed by something else. Need, conviction. It was simple. Never breaking the eye contact, your hands ran up his back to tangle the fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I’ll be gentle” a whisper passed from his lips to yours coupled with a kiss.

Finally. A flood of feelings threatening to overspill at any given moment. There was only one answer.

“I know,” the affirmation swallowed by a sigh as Neil covered your body with his.

Easy. Then it was almost natural. A gasp from your mouth mixing with his sharp inhale. Lips brushing but not quite kissing. Your fingers digging into his shoulders, bruising the skin. It felt right somehow. Good. Neil slowly inched in, giving you time to adjust. One of his hands tenderly cradled your head, thumb caressing the flushed cheek. His eyes locked on yours without a second of exemption. Assurance and affection.

Once you could feel him inside you completely, a nod was all he needed. Slow thrusts, building up a rhythm. Kisses interrupting the shuddered breaths. Your hand found Neil’s again, interlacing the fingers and pinning your joined palms to the bed. The feeling of his pulse alongside yours was like a revelation. The closeness you have craved for so long was finally within your reach. He was yours. With the fire steadily building up, you bucked your hips to meet him halfway. An answering moan was good encouragement to do it again. And again, matching his pace. And then speeding up. No words were found for any of this. Instead, you kept on gazing into his eyes, letting your breaths match and mingle in the space between. The unguarded look telling him all he needed to know. The feeling in your chest letting you know that there is no coming back from this.

It was the sudden wish to get even closer that prompted you to change the angle. Hoisting your leg over his hip, and then the other. Crossing them over his back, bringing your pelvis flush against his. A telling guttural groan and the darkening pupils told you it was the right move. The chaos that followed was expected. With the different position, it did not take Neil long to find the spot that made you cry out in pleasure. Your fingers scratched his back, nails tearing at the skin, claiming him in the darkened room. He kissed you roughly, lips bruising yours without traces of moderation. That was no longer necessary. You knew it would not take long. The string tightening and straining. The fire within your veins raging and consuming. Soon.

As Neil upped the tempo, your laced fingers untangled to resume the abandoned caress. Your fingers were trailing over his back with increased urgency. Mindless of the bruises and scratches, you wanted to mark him for good. Your heart was close to bursting with the amount of love, the excess pouring out with every sigh and kiss. You peppered kisses all over his neck and shoulder, using the newly found closeness to adore him in new ways. It felt perfect, pleasure swallowing every thought and idea. Till it was just Neil, his hands cradling your body, his warmth keeping you safe. Simple, primal even. As you responded to his forceful thrust with a circular movement, he met your gaze again. Eyes dark, the blue hazed with lust and adoration. Lips parted to let out quiet moans and gasps. The unspoken confessions passed through your locked gazes. Waiting felt worth it. Even if for moments like this when you knew that giving yourself away was the only logical solution. You were his no matter what, this act only signing off the fact.

It was a long kiss that he gave you then that tipped the scales. The heat became unbearable, so many words getting stuck in your throat. Urgency causing you to lose the rhythm, fingers digging into his biceps for support. Your muscles clenching around him on their own accord. The edges of your vision darkened, helplessly meeting his questioning gaze.

“Neil…” a half sigh, just enough to let him know.

A whimper interrupted whatever else you could want to tell him as he reached down between your bodies. The additional pressure placed on your clit to make sure you could get what you needed. The gratefulness passed on a louder moan, fingers tangling in his hair, bringing him closer. Close enough to whisper in his ear:

“You’re mine,” just like that.

That was all you were capable of afore the world exploded before your eyes.

“Only yours,” the affirmation falling on your ears like liberation.

Nothing else was needed. Your muscles tightened, clinging to Neil as though that was everything you were able to do. A sharp cry breaking the silence. Absolution. Everything leading up to this, the moment itself worth every second pain. The ultimate sacrifice in the name of love. You could see it in his eyes, drinking in your downfall with undivided attention. Strained breaths and chaotic movement telling you he was not far behind. Using the last sparks of the high he brought you to, you captured his lips in a slow kiss.

That was the needed push for Neil. He moaned your name, forehead pressing to yours as his eyes screwed shut. His body stiffened and then relaxed with a groan, holding you close. Recovering from the experience, you embraced him tightly, offering any comfort you could think of as he trembled, riding out the high within your arms. The vulnerability of the moment striking you with an unexpected wave of feelings. There was nothing beyond this for people who were not even together. A little voice in your head suggested that perhaps now you were. That maybe this was it. Before you could pay it more attention, Neil raised his head, eyes meeting yours with a haze still darkening the pupils. There was something new in his expression. Relief, certainty, as if nothing could sway him anymore. As if his creed came true, and he did not need any proof. You cupped his cheek, drawn in by the sight he presented. Blush tinting the cheekbones, golden hair falling into his eyes. Gaze focused only on you. And…

“I love you,” the words interrupting the silence with their clarity.

Your pulse picked up, heart hammering in your chest as though triggered by the confession. Speechless, you stared at Neil, trying to find an answer. But the small smile upon his lips told you he was not looking for a response. It was only a formality, just as you asked. To be told after. Now. It could not be… but it was. It was real, he was real, his heart belonging to you just like yours was his.

With the facts slowly sinking in, you pulled him down into another long kiss. As a way of saying all that you could not just yet. As an acceptance. Lips moving in sync, unrestrained, and entirely open to one another. As Neil broke away, breath ghosting your mouth, nose brushing against yours, you stared right back, unable to stop the worry from voicing its problems:

“I can’t-” say it.

Because you could not. Not with the heart bruised and shattered. Not with the fire still burning in your veins. If it was the right one at last, then it had to be proper. As though sensing your growing unease, Neil interrupted you, soft sparks in his eyes:

“It’s okay,” gently brushing his thumb along your reddened cheek, “There’s time,” finishing off with a kiss on the forehead.

Without waiting for you to find the needed words, he slid off your body, settling on the side with a quiet, contented sigh. You glanced at him curiously, desperate for a distraction from the sudden onslaught of feelings and thoughts. What if you’ve fucked it? What if he wanted you to leave? What if-

The monologue of qualms got cut short with an arm encircling your waist and pulling you closer to him again. The intense gaze searching your face before he tightened the hold and pressed a quick kiss to your temple. The tenderness could be lethal. With your heart racing, tongue threatening to spill everything it has been forced to hold back for months, you fought for clarity. Anything. And then… maybe this was okay. Maybe this was it. Sparks of hope triggering the playfulness you have dearly missed:

“Am I not allowed to leave?” eyeing him with an arched eyebrow, fingers idly tracing symbols onto his chest.

The warmth and the steady heartbeat everything you could need to anchor in the moment. The mirth in his eyes telling you that too was requited.

“I’d rather you didn’t…” he trailed off, the flash of something darker in his gaze making you breathless “I… I might have some plans for later,” he added, one of the hands stroking your thigh deliberately.

Right… You could only blame that sudden wave of excitement on his charm. And the look in his eyes, suggesting that this was not the end. That he wanted more. The idea alone made you shudder.

“Christ… Neil, you-” ignoring the satisfied smirk, you stared at him in feigned exasperation.

His grin widened, fingers teasingly running up and down your stomach causing the butterflies to awaken. Not that they had a longer break…

“Yes, my love?” picking up your open-ended frustration, Neil traced the outline of your lips, bruised and swollen from the multitude of kisses.

My love. The endearment on its own was enough to shut up the potential doubts. Unable to stop the grin from spreading on your face, you buried your face in his chest.

“… I see how it is,” your murmur triggering a low chuckle as he pulled you even closer.

You took it slow then. More breathless kisses, hands tangling in hair, sighs, and silent confessions taking up the non-existent space between your bodies. Once kisses and touches stopped being enough for either of you, Neil gave you the control with desire burning bright in his eyes. You claimed him again, making sure he could not forget it even if he ever wanted to. What you received in return assured you that your heart would never let go. It could not. Falling asleep after everything was almost too easy. For once, no fears creeping in the darkness. No regrets gnawing at your heart. Only the steady pulse, a hand holding onto yours, fingers gently caressing your skin. A promise of home.

[op-peccatori]

Hopefully, Yours (part 1) | MLQC Victor

Fandom: Mr Love Queen’s Choice 

Pairing: Victor/Fem!Reader 

Rating: Mature 

Word Count: 8823

Summary: A fight between co-stars leads to you taking their place, along with the man you’ve been carrying a rather fervid torch for. A happy accident—except it’s a dating show and you have to pretend your feelings aren’t real. | Part 2

Warnings/Tags: language, fluff, oblivious behaviour, dating show, social media, Victor might be a little OOC because I’ve written him differently, some making out in the next part hence the rating, no smut though, my sense of humour

A/n: as always, I’m here to clown around. I tried something a lil new (for me) in this one 👉👈 something I picked up quite recently from works I adored, so I hope you like it! It got longer than I intended so I had to split it into 2 parts ;.; Victor said: keep writing, hoe. 

ALSO!!! Yours by Ella Henderson is. THE Victor/MC song for me. I felt it in my bones when I listened to it again after all these years. brb crying

It’s the incessant buzzing of your phone that lures you out of the warm cocoon of your blanket.

You don’t really want to come out of your haven. Not after the week you’ve had, and because you know what awaits you. But as Anna had told you, there’s no way you can avoid this. They had finished editing the episode on Thursday, and Jason had already texted you last night to let you know it would be ready to be uploaded at 7:00 pm today.

Reaching listlessly for your phone, you squint at the bright screen through bleary eyes; it’s 9:00 pm already, and you’ve managed to sleep most of your Sunday away. It’s been a whole week since you filmed the episode, and while you were able to keep your thoughts at bay through it, it’s finally caught up to you.

After all, this is the episode you’re going to be in.

Pulling your laptop towards you, you open the tab that has the streaming site open. Your heart begins its anxious thump against its cage, a beat all too familiar to you by now. As the video begins playing, the memories of that day rise up to the forefront of your mind, refusing to be outdone by this meticulously edited version.

It started with a plan. A very well-thought-out plan.

“He called me a bitch. How can you still expect me to shoot with this jerk?”

Things were not going according to the very well-thought-out plan.

From your place next to Homer, the camera guy, you watched with mounting apprehension as Hollow resisted the AD’s attempts to placate her. But she did seem calmer, the scalding rage of her glare simmering down as he continued to reason with her.

And then her partner for the episode walked back onto the set.

“She said my songs are predictable! You want me to work with a hater?” Kai protested loudly, and Hollow turned back to him in a fury. The AD looked back at you in dismay, the rest of the staff watching with varying levels of exasperation.

“This is supposed to be a cheesy, ultra-romantic show,” Kiki whispered from her place at your side.

“This is what the reality is. All that sappy crap is for the camera,” Willow snorted, shaking her head in disenchanted disappointment.

There may be more than a kernel of truth in that. Hopefully, Yours was your company’s latest project; the second season, the first one having been produced by a different group. It’s a romantic web-series that featured different couples going on dates around town. The couples featured ranged from non-celebrities to people who are household names. So far, there hadn’t been too many issues with the participants—so you really should have expected this.

“Not always!” you cut in, fiddling nervously with your planner. “Some of the couples have gone on to date for real. Raymond and Liliana got married!” A lovely couple from an episode that aired last year. They’d been in the news recently too.

“They’re getting divorced,” Homer piped up in response. You hoped the look on your face let him know how unhelpful that was and turned back to the clashing couple. The AD looked harrowed and harassed as things turn increasingly hostile.

“Willow, do we have a backup couple?” you asked after a long moment of watching them spit insults. “Or just one person to replace either of them. What about Carlson?”

“He won’t be in town until tomorrow.”

‘Can I leave town?’ You wondered in a fit of desperate, wishful thinking.

“And we’ve got everyone here, with everything set up. Can we really waste time?” Kiki wondered out loud.

“No, we can’t,” answered a strained voice from behind you. All four of you turn to see Anna striding towards you, her hassled expression sending a frisson of worry through your stomach. “___, we’ve got guests.”

“Guests?” you repeated numbly. “What guests?” From the look on her face, it couldn’t be good news.

Anna held your gaze for a second, looking vaguely apologetic, before stepping to the side, allowing you to get a look at who Jason, the director, had rushed off to greet. You felt the ground shift beneath you, throat drying rapidly and the surrounding noise dimming as you focused on the new arrivals—your friend, your boss if you insist on the technicalities, and the star of most of your daydreams. LFG’s very own CEO, Victor, and his loyal secretary, Goldman.

In other words, people you hadn’t expected to see today.

“Why?” you whimpered, mostly panicked, but distantly amused by how enthusiastically he’s being greeted. It gave you a few moments to get it together, a familiar buzz coming to life underneath your skin.

This is terrible. Surely, this is karmic retribution for some misdeed committed by you. 

“Boss, get it together,” Kiki hissed in an echo of your thoughts, and you realized you had half-fallen back into her and Willow’s arms, their hands steady on your shoulders.

“This is really bad timing. Like, really bad,” Willow pointed out unnecessarily as you straightened up, running a quick hand through your hair.

“Goldman said they just dropped in to see how it’s coming along. I don’t really understand why, this is not at all Victor’s cup of tea, but he’d been hesitant about the show, so...” With a sympathetic smile, Anna placed a hand on your elbow, squeezing lightly. The comfort it brought is chased away almost immediately by a furious screech.

“That is it. I’m done!”

Turning just in time to watch Hollow stalk off the set, you tried to restart your thought process. You just needed to solve this.

“How do we solve this?” Kiki asked in a low voice, and Willow shook her head helplessly. 

With no answer for her, you could only watch as Jason led Victor and Goldman towards the set. You knew the exact moment he saw you; there was no smile, but a slow blink. It was still early in the afternoon, and his patrician features were alight with a soft glow in the golden sunlight, the curve of his lip relaxed and his clever gaze taking in you and everything happening around you in seconds. You’re not sure what he saw in your face but it made the corners of his mouth pull downwards.

Your stomach plummeted, seized by a sudden urge to flee.

But with his long strides, he reached you before you could take a step back. Kiki and Willow retreated silently, greeting him like newly registered soldiers coming face to face with their general and leaving you at his mercy. You would have felt miffed, but the way the sunlight softened his features was a little distracting. His lips moved, and you’re certain he said something, but couldn’t quite hear him over the sound of your heart drumming in your ears.

Homer coughed loudly, popping the bubble.

“Good morning, Victor!” Certain your lack of actual delight was obvious, you tried to inject as much enthusiasm into your voice as you could while your project went up in flames behind you. Not that you weren’t happy to see him, as the sudden thrill twisting through insisted on reminding you, but the prospect of disappointing him was one you would rather not face.

There was no visible reaction from Victor, but Homer looked a bit disturbed by the attempt. Goldman just looked like he pitied you, while Jason looked oddly contemplative. This was probably his first time seeing you this…dazzled.

“Good morning,” Victor replied evenly. His eyes, a constant, focused storm and his silken hair falling artfully over his forehead form a picture so lovely, almost beyond words. It’s never stopped you from waxing poetic about them, or his long list of admirable personality traits, but he had a way of knowing when you’re not paying attention. “Looks like I picked a bad time to check in.” 

You couldn’t quite pin down the inflexion in his tone, but your immediate guess was that he was either severely disappointed or was low-key mocking you.

With how quickly things derailed, it’s understandable. 

“Haha,” you laughed—an unfortunate coping mechanism that seems to flare up most often in his presence. Also, because Victor looked unfairly gorgeous, as always and you were a fool with a worryingly erratic pulse. “Just a few bumps. Nothing we can’t fix.”

Behind you, Kai declared his intent to leave as well. There’s a contract, so they would have to look into this, but that would take time. At that moment, Victor was eyeing the singer leaving the set and your nervous smile with his brows steadily climbing higher.

“Right. Anything I can do to help?” he offered, and the shame that elicited is so fierce you felt like you’d shrunk. This was supposed to be a casual visit, for him to see how the filming was going and instead you made him feel the need to step in and clean up the mess.

“No,” you said, firm, immediate, vehement. He frowned down at you. “We’ll come up with something. Why don’t you two take a seat, we’ll get you some drinks and Anna can go over the ratings and numbers with you.”

Victor seemed to hesitate, still frowning at you, but relented when you mustered up a small but convincing smile for him. “Alright. Let me know if you need anything,” he insisted, because he’s nice like that, before following Goldman and Anna into the small room you’ve converted into an office. You have a small but closed set for the first meeting of the couples, before the crew moves to whatever location has been picked out for the date.

“He’s nicer than he looks,” Homer observed as the two of you watched him leave.

“He’s lovely,” you said miserably. Who would have thought there’d be a day when you said that about Victor? He was still an evil capitalist, but he’s a kind man. 

Homer didn’t get the chance to reply as Jason rushed up to you.

“Okay, so we’re gonna have to sit those two down for a talk, but we don’t have time for that today. We need substitutes,” Jason said, not nearly as panicked as you would expect from a director who had no one to direct. It was admirable, this ability to keep his head even when he hits what looks like a dead end.

“I’ll make some calls.” Reaching into your pocket, your mind ram through your options as your hand closed around your phone.

“I want you to do it,” Jason declared. 

It took you a few seconds to realize you hadn’t misheard. He looked back at you steadily, already resolute in his decision. You looked around, expecting protests, but the staff members only looked eager. 

“…I don’t like this joke,” you said, slowly.

“Good thing it wasn’t one!” Jason returned cheerfully. “Before you turn it down, let me say—please? And don’t go off with the ‘I’m nobody!’ thing. People know who you are.”

“Um.” You really, really didn’t know what to say to him.

“My brother thinks you’re hot,” Homer offered, and Jason beamed at him.

“Okay, we’ll do this. You’re the producer of one of the oldest and most popular shows. You’ve gained more media presence over the last two years. You’re also friends with Kiro and Professor Lucien, so people have been quite curious about you for a while! This is just a fun little thing. Please?” Jason pleaded.

In the spirit of fairness, you took a minute to think about it. It would solve half the problem. And today’s location was a local fair, where the couple got to try out anything they want to, with all the expenses covered by the company. The very thought of stepping in front of the camera left your cheeks flushed, but you couldn’t deny the bud of excitement that seemed to have taken root.

In the end, your stomach made the choice for you.

“If you think it’ll be fine, then sure,” you acceded, thoughts filled with stir-fried noodles and holding hands with a faceless person. “But what about the other person?”

“Hmm,” Jason looked in the direction of the office, reminding you that you don’t have all day to decide.

“I could call Gavin and ask if he’s free,” you suggested. People adore him. “Or Lucien?”

Jason nodded as if truly considering it, his gaze sharp on you. “Good choices. What about Victor?”

“Yeah, no. That is a bad idea,” you said at once, without giving it a moment’s thought. This was a dating show, where people go on cute dates and act adorable on camera. The very thought of Victor doing that at all, let alone with you…was something you couldn’t think of because it was ridiculous. And bad for your poor heart.

“It is an excellent idea,” Jason disagreed. You hated to be the bearer of bad news, but this was necessary. You’ve known Victor for a while now, and felt responsible for Jason’s well-being that would inevitably be threatened if he embarks on this particular path.

“He’d never agree to it,” you told him solemnly. The man barely agrees to do interviews; a show like this? Out of the question. “You know who he is, right? He doesn’t have time for this.”

“Why don’t you leave that to me, and go get ready. I’ll go get your man,” Jason said, loud and bright, shooing you in the direction of the dressing rooms. You stood there for another minute, dazed and afraid. What if Victor thought it was your idea?

The horror.

The terror.

“I’m still texting Lucien!” you called after him, voice pitched high in your alarm. Before you could follow Jason to make sure Victor knows you would never suggest this, an arm slid around your shoulder.

“Darling,” Arnold, the head stylist, cooed at you. “I heard the good news.”

“How?” It had been two minutes. People shouldn’t be spreading this without the director’s confirmation.

“Forget the hows. This is your time to shine. Come, we’re going to make that CEO drool,” he proclaimed, shepherding you towards the dressing rooms. “And I can finally do something about this hair!”

“He’s not going to agree.” You were absolutely certain of that, even as your mind continued to conjure cutesy images of you sharing cotton candy with the reticent man. 

Taking a seat at the vanity, you reached for your phone over the cotton pads, watching Arnold’s reflection in the large mirror as he flitted about the small room, picking out different outfits. You hadn’t gotten a chance to check it for a while, and scrolled through your texts swiftly, pausing on a few in particular.

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Victor [9:00]: Hello. I’ve got some time off today.

Victor [9:02]: Is it alright if we drop by the set? What time is your lunch break?

Victor [9:20]: You must be busy. I spoke to Anna. I’ll see you later.

Victor [9:25]: Also, good morning.

‎

Oh.

He had actually let you know he’d be dropping in. Taciturn and domineering he may be, but Victor’s quiet consideration often left you glowing with warmth. In comparison, your own clumsiness often left you embarrassed. In this instance, it made you feel doubly determined to do this right.

‎

Y/N [12: 05]: Hi, sorry I missed these. Don’t worry, I’ll get us back on track.

‎

Closing Victor’s chat, you took a moment to consider your options before making your choice.

‎

Y/N [12:07]: Lucien! Are you free?

Lucien [12:15]: Hello. Just wrapped up a lecture. I thought you were going to be shooting today?

Y/N [12:16]: I am. Actually, I had a favour to ask.

‎

You stared down at the screen of your phone, shoulders relaxing as one of the assistants fussed with your hair. Should you wait for Jason before asking him? You knew what the outcome will be, regardless of what you wanted. You’ve always known, always kept your thoughts safe behind a barrier, never letting them spill out in Victor’s presence.

You thought back to his disappointment, and something fragile in your chest tightened.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, and you prayed to all the powers above that this works out.

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Victor [12:18]: Dummy. I’m not worried.

‎

There was a knock at the door as you opened the chat, thrown off but pleased by Victor’s confidence.

“Guys, can I come in?”

It was Jason.

With trembling fingers curling tight, you sat up straighter as he was let in. Your pulse quickens, your emotions jumbling together until your can’t tell them apart. You kept your expectations low. You knew what the answer would be. It couldn’t hurt if you expected it.

You just hoped it wouldn’t change anything. It wasn’t your idea.

“He agreed!” Jason announced with a flourish, and your heart halted its despondent march. “His secretary’s picking up his outfit, they said it won’t take too long. We’ll do his hair and mak—uh, are you okay?”

You swallowed your heart back down. “He said yes.”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, stretching out his answer, nodding as Arnold thrust an outfit at him. 

“And he…knows it’s with…me?” you asked carefully.

Jason’s brows climbed a notch higher. “Yes, of course.” His eyes gleamed with something you couldn’t quite read.

“Right, right. That’s great! Fantastic. Wonderful,” you said admittedly weakly, turning your gaze back to your reflection. The colour seemed to have drained from your skin, and you ignored the concerned glance exchanged by Jason and Arnold.

“___, hey,” Jason began gently, coming up to stand behind your chair. “Are you okay with this?”

You studied his worried expression, thoughts turning inward. You shifted aside the panic, the disbelief, the prickling nerves, and shushed the sparks of excitement.

A date with Victor.

It sounded wonderful. But the problem was never about you not wanting it. It was that you’ve wanted it for so long and so badly. Could you really have this?

“It’s okay to say no. It’s just…I don’t think it’ll be as awful as you think,” Jason said. His brow furrowed as the lines of your face smoothed out.

Oh.

“It’s for the camera,” you remembered, and Jason hummed thoughtfully. Regardless of what he may think of you, Victor wouldn’t let it show on the screen. You knew he was aware of what the show entails. So, perhaps, you could have this. It was for work. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s okay.”

Your breath evened out from its shallow state, and you smiled up at Jason, who still looked concerned.

“It’ll be okay.” Your phone buzzed again, and you gathered yourself once more.

‎

Lucien [12: 23]: What can I do for you?

Victor [12:24]: And I look forward to working with you.

‎

It wouldn’t be real.

Telling yourself it wouldn’t be real was easy.

Sitting next to Victor, your high stools positioned close together as you tried to keep your thoughts away from dangerous paths, was not easy. But the light notes of his scent, sandalwood and myrrh if your nose hadn’t led you astray, threatened to lull you into a state of near-intoxication.

Jason had wanted to film the ‘first meeting’ and, for the sake of authenticity, decided to have Victor wait in front of the camera while you got to be the one to walk in. Which meant it was straight from the dressing room to the set. While you were thankful you wouldn’t be filmed drooling on camera, it still meant you wouldn’t get a chance to talk to him until after, or in between takes.

You were a lot more grateful for the arrangement when you did walk to the set, because the sight of Victor—clad in a slim-fit black shirt, paired with a dark grey jacket and black pants that stretched deliciously over his muscled thighs—stopped you dead in your tracks, your thoughts wiped blissfully clean.

The look on his face, bright under the studio lights, had been unreadable, but it didn’t look like his usual unimpressed poker face, so you decided to take it as not quite a win, but not a loss either. Then the small upturn of the corners of his lips, however, threatened to overload your system, prompting you to avert your gaze slightly as you walked to him, for fear of losing yourself.

Your hi had been shyer than intended, but his hello had been the gentlest you had ever heard it.

And then he handed you a bouquet of red, fragrant roses and you felt yourself grow weak.

It was a short take, where you both introduced yourselves, and discussed where you’d be going for the date.

“Do you like fairs?” he’d asked, gaze intent as if your answer was of the utmost importance.

“I love them,” you’d answered, meaning it completely, and he’d looked glad.

Even through the wild beating of your heart, you had managed to feel impressed. He was doing wonderfully already. Who knew Victor had these acting skills? Hopefully, he thought the same of you. You weren’t acting, though, and this, you were quickly realizing, could be a wonderful way to lift the lid off the pot just a little, and let your real feelings shine through.

You would be filming the individual, interview type scenes last, after the date.

With the first meeting done, with Jason going over the take to make sure he had everything he needed, you would be moving to the location soon. But first-

You looked around quickly, covering your mic and making sure nobody was paying too much attention to you, before turning to Victor—only to nearly jump in fright when you met his eyes. How he’d known you wanted to talk, you’d never know. His own eyes had widened when you’d turned around all of a sudden, the tips of his ears reddening slightly. He had probably been startled by your reaction.

“Hi,” you whispered, grinning up at him, and his lips twitched as he covered his mic.

“You’re doing well,” Victor told you, giving you a firm nod, and you couldn’t quite keep from beaming at him.

“Thanks, you too. I never knew you were hiding such a skilled actor in there!” You really meant it, but your words gave him pause, mouth opening and closing as he considered his response. Strange, as modesty was something he didn’t often bother with. Not to say he’s arrogant, just that he knew his strengths.

“…thank you,” he finally said. “You too. I didn’t know you could…act.”

Because you weren’t acting. The blushing, the shy giggling, the warmth buzzing through you, they were painfully real.

You shrugged, smiling slightly, and he looked away.

“Just…thank you, Victor,” you murmured. “I know this isn’t really your thing. But I promise I’ll do my best to make it enjoyable.”

The light, airy sound that escaped his mouth could almost be a laugh. He did shoot you a small smirk, facing you once more. “Well, you’re not wrong. But it can’t be too bad. I’ve heard they’ve got good street food.”

“Good street food,” you repeated blankly. Wasn’t he taking this acting thing too far? This was bordering on alarming, coming from the man who used to look down on you for eating instant noodles.

“Yes.” He looks at you as if daring you to argue, and, well, who are you to argue with an actor’s method? 

His smile faded slightly as yours widened, eyes fixating on yours, your voice pitching higher in your excitement. “I know, yeah, great food. Literally the only reason I agreed to do this!”

Victor’s face shutters at that, his lips pressing tightly together. “Hm.” He turned back to face the camera, leaving you confused, before realisation dawned.

“Hey, don’t worry! I won’t be too much of a glutton, we’ll be on camera, after all,” you told him, as reassuringly as possible because you and good food were a dangerous combo.

He arched a sharp brow at you. “We’ll see about that. I may spend most of my time in kitchen, but Mr Mills has much to tell me about some of your reactions.”

It was only through the sheer power of your offence that you were able to scowl at him even with the heat flaring up in your cheeks. “Well, there’s no way the food there will be as good as the one in Souvenir, so we have nothing to worry about.”

You resisted the urge to cross your arms, keeping your hands neatly folded in your lap as you turned away from him. But when he said nothing for a whole minute, you couldn’t resist the urge to sneak a peek, only to be left with your jaw slack.

Victor was still facing forward, but the corners of his mouth seemed to be curling up despite the effort he was clearly putting into keeping them neutral, his tiny smile still managing to spill through the seams. It enraptured you, a willing captive to the sight of him so pleased, and you wondered if you could make it through this with your heart intact.

But then, you told yourself through your daze, any chef would be happy to receive such praise for their food.

[video]

hopefully, yours, episode 3, part 1: Introductions (Victor and Y/n)

450,569 views  •  Feb 8th, 2020

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JTV ✓

1.19M subscribers 

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51,509 comments

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Jason P ✓ 

pinned comment

This is a special one guys ♡

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needwater 45 minutes ego

AM I HALLUCINATING OR IS VICTOR LI ACTUALLY ON A DATING SHOW?

            view 50 replies

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somsom 23 minutes ago

omg it’s y/n! We rarely get to see her on TV. She’s so cute!!!!

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orangeismycolour 16 minutes ago

!!!! Victor and Y/n!!! Omg ever since I saw them attend the Loveland gala together last year, I knew there was something there!! 

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tooktiktook 8 minutes ago

um. isn’t this kind of an odd combo?

    cheribb 5 minutes ago

    @tooktiktok I thought so too but they look pretty cute together. I mean…he totally blushed when he saw her! And his eyes went so soft!

      tooktiktok 4 minutes ago

      @cheribb Well, she seems sweet but I think he was just being nice.

By the time you were shuffled into a van and driven to the site of the fair, your nerves had mostly settled.

Of course, that may have had something to do with the pudding cup Victor had handed you once you were in your seats. Goldman had brought over a paper bag, with Victor plucking two cups from it like a magician with a hat. With that said, while it’s a trick you’ve seen many a time, it never fails to bring a sparkle to your eye.

With Arnold’s permission, you were more than happy to dig right in. Your makeup would have to be retouched once you got there even if you didn’t eat.

It was easy to relax in the steady familiarity of Victor’s presence. A dangerous notion, your unwavering faith in Victor, that dictated everything would be okay if he was there because he would either make it so, or you, with confidence half-drawn from him, would make sure of it yourself.

It was only once you were halfway through the treat, humming and wiggling in your joy, that you realized Victor hadn’t started on his. Rather, his eyes were fixed firmly on you, intent in observing your devouring of the pudding.

The next bite went down a little heavier as you turned to him.

“Is something wrong?” Your enthusiasm surely couldn’t have come as a surprise.

He hesitated, seemingly on the verge of saying something, before clearing his throat and looking out he the window at the slow-moving traffic.

“No. Just…eat slowly,” he muttered, refusing to look at you. You squint at him, at the pink creeping up the back of his neck, sucking on the spoon thoughtfully. “There’s no need to rush.”

“Sorry. I got a little too excited.” Your laugh is a little hollow, and you muffle it with another mouthful of the soft, sweet dessert, missing his quick glance back at you.

He sighed, sudden and a little ragged.

“No, I meant that you should take your time and savour it,” he told you, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. “I can make it for you anytime, so there will be many more chances in the future.”

The next spoonful remained frozen by your mouth as you struggled to process his words. Warm fingers came to rest against the back of your hand, guiding it, and the spoon, to your lips. Your skin tingled, but what was more damning was the way he held your gaze as your lips parted, the metal spoon warm against your tongue as you tasted the sweet delicacy.

It felt all the more sweeter, however, because of the little smile dancing across Victor’s lips.

You were rescued from attempting to respond to that by the van slowing to a stop, with Jason and Homer climbing in before they got moving again. Homer would be the one following you around the fair, as they only needed to get a few takes of you indulging in various activities.

“We absolutely need one with the ferris wheel, of course. A little cliched, but still damn cute. Maybe we can fix a camera in the cabin…” Jason trailed off, turning to Homer for his input. “If you think it’ll be better without you there.”

‘How would it be better without Homer there?’ you wanted to protest. ‘I’ll screw it up if left to my own devices! Professional environment aside, that’s a little too romantic!’

Something prickled at the back of your neck, and you realized Victor seemed to be trying to get your attention, albeit in a very silent way you probably wouldn’t have caught on to if you hadn’t spent so much time studying him.

He said nothing even when you met his gaze, but a reassuring warmth calmed you all the same. I’ll be there, he seemed to say. Trust me.

You were worried about the romantic atmosphere getting to your head, but surely Victor, the ultimate voice of reason, wouldn’t let you get carried away?

“Okay, we won’t crowd you guys too much, but remember to avoid turning away from the camera!”

That had been the last thing Jason said to you both before he retreated to his place behind Homer, who was ready with the camera propped over his shoulder. Your mics were affixed to your clothes, and people were already beginning to shoot curious looks your way. It wasn’t an uncommon sight; many vloggers and people working for food channels could often be found in places like these, flitting about with their cameras out as they partook in the activities available.

While being around cameras was nothing new, it was a little strange to be on the other side of them. Nervousness weighing on your chest, you reminded yourself over and over: be natural, don’t act like a lovesick fool, don’t stare at Victor for too long. Turning to the man himself as Homer adjusted the camera settings, hoping to draw inspiration from his steadfast composure, you could only stare in confusion at the intent way in which he was staring at the entrance to the fair.

Following the trajectory of his gaze, you squinted, hoping to see what had caught his attention. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, with people milling about, the welcoming sign high above their heads bright and welcoming.

“Victor?”

“Hm?”

“Is everything okay?” you asked hesitantly, and he nodded, almost distracted.

“Are we ready?” he asked Homer, who gave him a thumbs up.

Jason grinned at you, winking in what he seemed to think was a discreet manner. “Have fun, you two.”

You couldn’t quite pretend there were no cameras, not with Homer keeping up with you as you began to walk through the entrance arch. Looking at Victor was easier, just to block out the awareness of your companions, of course.

Catching your nervous glances, he inclined his head towards you and made an abortive movement, hand rising and falling midway. His jaw clenched, and then he offered you his arm, elbow bent. 

As your hand curled around his arm, you focused on your vibrant surroundings. A task made more difficult when, after a short pause, you felt him tuck his elbow into his side, the broad span of his shoulders relaxing when you tightened your grip.

“I’ve been meaning to come here for years, but never really got the chance to,” you told Victor, your voice still edged with nervousness. But Victor nodded at you again, the usual stern line of his mouth quirking up, and your mind stuttered, committing itself to memorizing the precious curve of his mouth.

“In that case I’m glad we got to come here together,” he told you, and it took a good deal of effort not to gape at him. “It’s a first for both of us.”

You nodded, stunned by this unforeseen acting prowess. Seemed like you’ve discovered another one of his many talents.

“Hopefully, it’s the first of many,” he added, a smug lilt to his voice, and this time, you did gape.

“Y-yeah,” you answered, face heating up as you turned away for the sake of your dignity. “Hopefully.”

bandanaman @headaccs

are we all seeing this?? he’s such a gentleman!! I was not expecting this man to be smooth. #HopefullyYours

mintmadness @mintsallover

@headaccs HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? He doesn’t even need words, one look and I would be on my knees. #HopefullyYours #VictorLi

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srirachafire @hotsauce

@mintsallover calm yo thirsty ass down lmao

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raspberrydream @berryberry

“the first of many” omg what does he mean????  #HopefullyYours

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freshasnow @crystalmoon

Yeah, I’m not really feeling this. I thought we were going to get Kai and Hollow this week? #HopefullyYours

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teatime ✓ @spillit

For those of you asking, yes, we knew Victor Li and Y/n were going to be on Hopefully, Yours. Don’t worry darlings, we’ll have some quality tea for you soon!  #HopefullyYours

Spotting the first of the food vendors, you both headed over to it, peering at the fresh dumplings. The vendor straightened up at the sight of the camera, a benign smile spreading across his face when you asked him for permission to film, nodding and plating plump, steaming dumplings with the utmost grace.

Gordon, as he introduced himself, was more than happy to talk about his family business, their two restaurants in Loveland, while Homer took close-ups of the dumpling that Victor broke apart for a better look.

“My daughter comes here every year with me, insisting she can handle things by herself, but honestly, I just enjoy coming here,” he chortled, before fixing the two of you with a knowing look. “It’s a completely different atmosphere from the restaurant! And it’s always nice to see sweet young couples such as yourselves. Reminds me of my own fair dates with my wife…”

You couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Victor, who seemed content to chew on his snack. He caught your eyes, before his flickered over your head towards Homer and Jason. Inexplicably, his ears began to tint a deep crimson, as he swallowed with some effort and stepped closer to you.

It began to make sense when he lifted the other half of the dumpling to your lips, Gordon gasping an oh my! in the background, and even as your heart began to race, your eyes widening, you felt…bad. Jason had obviously asked him to do this, and you felt terrible about him having to embarrass himself like this. But he did it, and so you took a small bite of the dumpling, the juicy filling suddenly tasteless on your tongue.

And then there was a soft sensation on your chin, your eyes lifting to see Victor dabbing at your skin with a napkin, the little motion taking all his concentration until he stepped back with a satisfied glint in his eyes, which seemed to linger around your mouth.

When you were unable to do anything more than flush deeply and try to stammer out a thank you, Jason ended the shot.

The glint in Victor’s eyes didn’t fade, and something within you quivered.

raspberrydream @berryberry

he looks like he wants to eat HER  #HopefullyYours

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bandanaman @headaccs

@berryberry I CAN’T BREATHE. I thought he was going to kiss her LOL. And she looked so nervous and then he just wiped her chin THIS IS TOO SOFT I CANT #HopefullyYours 

mintmadness @mintsallover

god I wish that were me #HopefullyYours

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only4food @bananabread

Okay I HAVE TO go to this place. I NEED TO EAT EVERYTHING. Who’s in??

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midnightmachine @musiclover

Gordon knows what’s up. We stan a hard-working man. #HopefullyYours

Things continued in much the same direction. With no signs of reluctance, Victor rolled up his sleeves and dived into the bustle of the fair. And with his hand curled around your wrist, you couldn’t bring yourself to doubt him. You’ve learned to read the signs of his displeasure, subtle and obvious, and they were nowhere to be found. He looked relaxed, trying out mini doughnuts, accompanying you to any shops you want to browse, frowning when you looked longingly at the ring toss.

“Let’s go,” he said, guiding you over to the booth. Well, you were supposed to try out the games too, but you hadn’t thought Victor would agree to play them. It seemed a little too childish for him.

“I haven’t come here in years either,” he told you when you looked at him curiously, the two of you standing in line with Homer right next to you. “I love my job, but I admit it takes up most of my time. I rarely have time to indulge like this.” He paused, as if wanting to say more, but his eyes flicked towards Homer and he ended it there.

While a part of you was startled in by his words, another softened at his truthful admission.

Victor seemed to have thought of something else, giving you a meaningful look. “But, of course, I always make time for the people in my life.”

You blinked, a little taken aback by sudden turn in direction.

“Even if they want to come to places like these, I don’t mind.” Victor seemed to be hinting heavily at something, and you smiled at that, almost excessively fond. Because it’s true that Victor makes time for the people in his life, especially his family. And even for you—he’s there for you, no matter how small the matter might be; huffing and puffing and going out of his way to help you. 

Falling for someone like that, someone who effuses such stoic confidence and noble compassion in equal measure, it was all too easy.

“Then we’ll make sure to come again,” you told him, a wide grin blooming across your face at the thought. It was unlikely that it would actually happen, but it was nice to think about. You stepped up to the cashier, greeting him politely.

You finally got your turns after fifteen minutes, with Homer and Jason taking a quick snack break while you waited. You’d run a quick eye over the prizes available, quickly drawn to two pusheen cat plushies, a soft grey and a dark ebony. You didn’t think he’d judge you on camera, but would it really be okay to admit that’s what you want? The hair pin would be a more sophisticated pick, something more to his tastes. 

Silently despairing over your proclivity for soft cute things, you turned to Victor for his choice.

Only to realize he seemed to have taken his jacket off while you were preoccupied and handed it over to Jason, his thin black t-shirt fitting him like a glove—and your words died a swift death at the back of your throat, shrivelling in the sudden dryness of your mouth. Silhouetted against the light of the late afternoon sun, his features seemed sharper, his gaze keener as he twirled the ring in his hands carefully.

As Homer began to roll the camera, and Victor prepared to toss the ring, you panicked with the realization that he didn’t ask you which prize you wanted like Jason had asked him to.

The ring landed around a bottle with a loud clink, and you hoped the surprise you felt wasn’t clear in your loud cheer. With the look he gave you, you knew he caught it even if others wouldn’t.

And then he handed you the dark pusheen plushy, which you took with trembling fingers and a sheepish smile. “Oh, thank you.” It was exquisitely soft to the touch. “This is the one I wanted.”

“Hm.”

“It looks like you.”

“What-” His head snapped toward you as you laughed, clutching the toy to your chest. Whatever outraged retort he’d been about to spit out was held back as he saw you hugging it contentedly, your eyes twinkling at him. “…I suppose.”

You handed him the toy, rolling your shoulders as you were given the ring. “Which one do you want?”

“I’m fine with anything,” he said, eyes locked on the grey pusheen plushy, the other half of the pair. So it was with a laugh, helpless in the face of his clear yet unspoken demand, that you tossed the ring. You got it on the second try, handing the toy to Victor with a triumphant grin, who took it primly and tucked it into his side.

“Thank you.”

“Isn’t this too childish by your standards?” you teased, unable to help it, but he only smirked down at you, stealing your breath with devastating ease.

“It is. But childish is…nice, sometimes,” he admitted carefully.

Your mind helpfully supplied you with all the instances of him calling you childish. “Oh?”

He shrugged, elegant, one shoulder lifting as he looked back down at the toy, before looking back up at you through dark, half-lidded eyes. “It’s grown on me.”

Kiro ✓ @kiromusic

Wow! This seems like so much fun, I kinda wish I got to go there too! :D @miracley/n invite me next time!!  #HopefullyYours 

Savin @agents

@kiromusic You just want to eat junk. And...well, I guess we can make an exception for today. 

‎

bandanaman @headaccs

Before I proceed to scream over the clip, I just wanted to let y’all know I did some digging and apparently, they are friends! They’ve been spotted together in public many times, including the Loveland Gala last year. You know what this means. #HopefullyYours

bandanaman @headaccs

THE PUSHEEN TOYS. They won each other toys!! Y/n’s right, that does look like him with the dark fur lmao. BUT. Look at Victor’s heart eyes!! And she looked so happy omg T_T

‎

raspberrydream @berryberry

@headaccs NO WONDER. It seems like they already like each other but it seemed too soon!! They’re so cute omg please date!! #HopefullyYours

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bandanaman @headaccs

@berryberry With how they look at each other? I smell pining ;) I’ve compiled a list of all their public appearances. He even took her to Souvenir! How are they not dating????

‎

raspberrydream @berryberry

@headaccs DM ME!!!!

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srirachafire @hotsauce

@headaccs I feel like that’s a bit of a reach. They certainly seem comfortable with each other, but that could easily just be friendship, which is nice too. I feel like we should allow people to be friends instead of just shipping them.

‎

mintmadness @mintsallover

@hotsauce they’re on a dating show, though.

‎

srirachafire @hotsauce

@mintsallover yeah but plenty of other ‘couples’ were just friends or went on to be good friends. I just think these two are comfortable with each other, which is probably a good thing because Victor doesn’t strike me as the sort of person who can have fun with just anyone, you know?

You ended up having a lot more fun than you thought you would. Victor was always great company, but you could tell he’d tried his best to relax for the show and you didn’t know how to thank him for it. The warm gratitude bubbled up at the base of your throat, your heart sinking deeper into the ocean of affection you already held for him.

He’s so kind. His aloof demeanour, his nagging, his precise instructions and advice were things you’ve come to appreciate. But beyond those lies a heart so caring, so considerate, it made you yearn so deeply, to find yourself a place in it. But Victor had come to treat you as a friend and you could never ruin that because of your own feelings. It was precious, his friendship, and you wanted to treat it as such.

The line you’d drawn with so much care seemed to be straining, however, ever since you found out you would be riding the ferris wheel together, without Homer.

“The people in charge told us if we could just wait until closing time, they could keep things going until we’re done shooting!” Jason had told you as he briefed everyone. A bunch of the crew had left after packing up, as this would be the last take for the day. “That way Homer can fix the lighting and equipment in the cabin and won’t need to join you two! Give you some privacy, yeah?”

‘For what,’ you’d screamed internally, nodding along with a smile on the outside.

 Looking to Victor for his opinion had been futile, because he seemed to have withdrawn into his own head, looking up at the ferris wheel absently. You were supposed to shoot the individual parts, but with how late it had gotten, Jason had asked the two of you to drop by the studio the next day. Only, you had a free slot in the morning while Victor would only be able to make it sometime during the late afternoon.

So you wouldn’t get to see what Victor said about you. That was perfectly fine. Things had gone well, and Victor wasn’t the sort to badmouth someone anyway.

It was supposed to be his day off. And he gave it up to participate in a show that was, for all intents and purposes, pointless for him. You felt terrible, heart aching at the thought that once again you had made him waste his time.

How on earth did Jason even get him to agree to this?

“You’re thinking something ridiculous,” came a low voice, and Victor seemed to have come back from his mental journey.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out, the guilt getting to you.

“For what?” He seemed genuinely baffled, and it made you feel worse.

“For this entire day. You just came for a visit and now it’s after 8 pm and your day off is gone and you rarely get free time…” your shameful rambling tapered off as the furrow between his brows appeared to grow deeper and deeper.

His response was interrupted by a staff member, who came to let you know the ride was ready for you two. Walking together in complete silence, you wondered what he was about to say.

“Do you regret it?”

You arrived at the ride, and Victor had stopped in front of the open door. “What?”

“Do you regret it?” he repeated patiently, holding his hand out to you. “This entire day. Our date.”

Our date.

It was silly, how him calling it a date, with no cameras in sight, seemed to affect you so deeply. It was ridiculous but it was so real, how your heart fluttered and hope unfurled in the garden where you’ve buried your affection.

“Because I’m not sorry,” he added when you failed to do anything other than flush horribly. There was a question in his gaze, one you didn’t know how to answer, so with a deep breath, you focused on the one he’d asked out loud.

“No,” you said softly, your hand coming to rest over his as he helped you into the cabin. “I don’t regret it.”

How could you, when he was everything you wanted?

You settled on the plastic bench, watching Homer fiddle with the settings and light, making sure the camera’s fixed in place, basking in the heat emanating from Victor.

“Alright, that should work. You guys ready?” he asked.

“Yeah!”

“Yes.”

Homer stepped back to let Jason poke his head through the door. “We’re all set guys. Just call us if there are any problems. Be yourselves, don’t worry about the take. And remember, make sure to make it as romantic as possible!”

As the door closed behind him, with the camera rolling, silence rose to take the place of the sounds now cut off, the rest of the world falling away as the ride began and you began to ascend.

Outside the window, the stars shone in a twinkling blanket across the night sky, and Victor’s arm pressed into yours. Meeting his eyes was difficult, astoundingly so after the entire day you spent together.

This close, it would be so easy to let the words tumble from your lips. You didn’t know what your eyes could give away right now, and you were just as afraid of the softness in his gaze.

It looked too real.

“I’m glad we finally got some peace,” he muttered, and just like that a bright laugh broke out through your fear.

“This was not your kind of place at all, was it?” you said, snickering at the look he threw your way, because it’s so easy to make him huff like that.

“It was…lively,” he said, glaring at you as you stifle your smile behind your hand. “Exactly the kind of place you enjoy.”

“That’s true.”

“Then that’s that.” He shifted a little, trying to face you, his knee knocking into yours. “As long as you had fun, we’ll come again.”

Despite your warnings, your heart skipped a beat.

You tried to laugh it off, changing the subject to your childhoods, swapping lighter stories and carefully avoiding the heartbreaks. Your hands moved somewhere in between, in the dim lights, and your fingers had found each other’s. Make it romantic, Jason had said. That was the only reason. You talked about work, about Miracle Finder, about his public projects, how your busy lives don’t give you the chance to find love.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Victor cut in, still looking at you in that quietly dangerous away, his gaze a heated cloak over your skin.

You stilled. “You wouldn’t?” There was a tremor in your voice, one you hoped went unnoticed.

“I think, regardless of how busy we are, however reluctant…love finds us when it has to,” he said, his voice deep, unwavering, and you forgot how to breathe. Somehow, despite doing your best to avoid it, you had wound up on the proverbial cliff’s edge.  

And it was time to take a leap.

“Victor...have you ever been in love?” you asked, part of you ready for his outrage, for him to brush it off with a roll of his eyes, and the other curling up in fear at the thought of the answer he might really give you.

He hummed, tightening his grip on your hand when you tried to tug it back, searching your face. His thumb swept over your knuckles, rubbing gently, and you wondered if he was preparing you for heartbreak.

“Yes. I have.”

Kiki @kikiki

@smilingwillow WHAT THE FUCK

‎

Anna @miracletv

@kikiki Language.

‎

Kiki @kikiki

‎@miracletv did you see the episode?? im going to collapse WHERE IS BOSS @miracley/n

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raspberrydream @berryberry

DID HE JUST???? OH MY GOD @headaccs DID YOU SEE THIS? ARE YOU OKAY? #HopefullyYours

‎

bandanaman @headaccs

THIS MAD LAD ACTUALLY DID IT. @berryberry I will never recover from this #HopefullyYours

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srirachafire @hotsauce

@headaccs @berryberry He just said he’s been in love before. He didn’t say he’s in love with her lol

‎

raspberrydream @berryberry

@hotsauce what will it take for you to finally see the light

‎

mintmadness @mintsallover

I could listen to this man talk all day. Y/n, you’re one lucky girl <3 #HopefullyYours

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cocoloco @chocolatedelite

I’m late to the party but lmao at everyone freaking out. Uhhh honestly I’m not sure. These things are usually scripted. They could just be faking it. #HopefullyYours

‎

srirachafire @hotsauce

@chocolatedelite Thank you!!!!

‎

victorshoe @mrsli

My heart is broken but their cuteness has mended it. I’ll give them my blessings. #HopefullyYours

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bandanaman @headaccs

oh thank god they just uploaded the individual bits!!! THANK YOU @jtv

‎

bandanaman @headaccs 

...wait 

‎

raspberrydream @berryberry

‎‎omfg

‎

bandanaman @headaccs

????? IS THAT IT??? COME BACK @jtv that can't be it!! 

Thank you for reading! 

MC/You: it’s a fake date. chill. 

Victor: Goldman I need NINE roses and an outfit that makes me look like a sex god I HAVE A DATE

[joontier]

akin ka na lang (muli.) | drabble

translation: be mine (again.) 

synopsis: Dr. Kim Taehyung, locally known for his successful cardio-thoracic surgeries. One thing he isn’t known for though, is that he’s your two-timing ex who’s come to visit you in the new hospital you work at. 

pairings: taehyung x reader

rating: R (18+)

au: doctors!au; exes!au | genre: smut, slight angst, mentions of infidelity

warnings: exhibitionism, fingering, cunnilingus, degradation 

word count: 2.2k

request: by @taemaknae​​​ “silakbo track feat. taehyung + doctor!au (because we need more doctor aus hehehe” SORRY IT TOOK A WHILE BABE!! but here ya gooo! I hope u enjoy it luv hehehhehe

g/n: this is part of The Paraluman Playlist - a drabble game we’re holding for the whole month of August!!! Send in your requests lovelies;; ((why do i get the feeling that this could be a good prologue too ajsdfhoaiwjef)) also,,, this might be a part of a fic crossover with one im working on right now with jk wOOPS

navi. | m.list

“And that concludes the reports for this month’s cardiac surgery reports.” 

Ending your presentation with one last click of your pointer, you turn to your fellow doctors, resisting the strong urge to roll your eyes. Some of the seniors are already asleep, while those who are a closer to your age are obviously bored to the bone.

You’re seriously considering if you want to even bother asking the audience if they have any further questions when no one was listening in the first place anyways. Well, maybe except for the chairman who had been all ears the whole time.

Meetings like these are just a major waste of time – time you could have used to sleep your fatigue away after having completed a five-hour open heart surgery last night. If it only weren’t for the hospital’s board of directors that implemented this scheme.

The Ministry of Health and Welfare had only encouraged all hospitals to hold conferences like this to support medical-related research, but The Woocheon Group, after having been praised by the ministry itself for pioneering experimental medicine and clinical trials, upped its game, scheduling these quarterly conferences to monthly ones.  

This plan would have sounded engaging to most third parties, but to those who were chosen to create reports, such as yourself, do not find these meetings most pleasant. After all, these month-end reports will also be uploaded to Woocheon’s online journals. Not that these doctors would even read any of those even if published both online or in paper. Unless of absolute necessity as reference, of course.

Your eyes scan over the audience consisting of at least forty doctors until you lock eyes with the one and only Kim Taehyung - infamous for his recently successful cardio-thoracic surgery on a twenty-two year old athlete back at Daegu Medical Center. Unfortunately for you, he’s also the same man who cheated on you for another colleague a few years back. 

He was the reason you left DMC in the first place, unable to continue your career back at the center with such an unhealthy, hate-conducive environment. Obviously, you knew having to work with a cheater and having to face him for at least six days a week wasn’t going to do you any good. Hence, your moving to Seoul to officially pursue your fellowship at Woocheon Medical City. What you never expected though, was Taehyung coming all the way from Daegu to sit in with Woocheon’s internal conferences. 

For what? Why was he here? What reason does he have to suddenly show up like this? 

Whatever his business here was absolutely none of yours, and you promised yourself you were going to be the last person to concern yourself with such. 

“Any further questions?” 

You see Taehyung’s hand raise hesitantly, but retracts it quickly as another raises his hand. As you address the inquiry, you still feel Taehyung’s gaze locked on yours. Nobody dares to ask another question, not wanting to prolong the useless conference any longer. Thankfully, the hospital’s chairman ends the meeting shortly after that.

As you pack your things up while the rest of the crowd files out of the room, you feel someone approach you. In fact, you feel two - with both of the presences extremely familiar. When you look up from your desk, you see Taehyung and Chairman Jung Hoseok nearing the podium you stood behind from.

Taehyung lets the chairman approach you first. Good, at least the man still has a little bit of dignity left in him. “Dr. _______, great presentation today,” Hoseok applauds, “You are a blessing to this hospital,” the chairman adds, placing a hand on the small of your back. 

“All in a day’s work, Chairman Jung,” you give the man a warm smile. Taehyung notices the small gesture and diverts his gaze quickly, as if he was caught watching something private. You smile inwardly, wanting to drop as many hints as possible to let the blonde-haired man he isn't welcome here. 

The chairman finally takes notice of his presence as he turns around, much to your dismay. “Ah! Dr. Kim Taehyung! I wasn’t informed of your arrival… anyways, welcome to The Woocheon Medical City and may I introduce to you one of our best cardiology consultants here…” 

“Dr. __________, of course.” A wide smile forms on Taehyung’s lips, reaching out his hand for a handshake. You hesitate for a split-second - torn between not wanting to be within arm’s reach of your traitorous ex-boyfriend, or maintaining your usual professional demeanor. Maybe it’s best for you to go with the latter, and pretend you two are meeting for the first time. 

“We were colleagues back in Daegu Medical Center.” 

Or maybe not. 

Hoseok’s secretary comes over just in time, informing him of a friend  who wishes to meet him outside as well as the rest of the day’s schedule. “Oh, guess I’ll have to meet that one then,” Hoseok says, turning to the both of you. “Well, I’ll have to leave you both for a moment. I’ll see you both around.” With a short wave, the chairman leaves the two of you to “catch up”. 

“_________. Can we talk?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Dr. Kim. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I still have plenty of things to do.” Deciding not to meet his eyes, you scan the room, sending a silent plea to the last doctor who was getting ready to leave, wishing that he won’t leave you alone with this man. 

Taehyung blocks your sight with his body. Clenching your jaw, you tilt your head at him, waiting on what he has to say now. “Come back to me, please…” A scoff escapes your lips as you roll your eyes at Taehyung.

“I’d even beg on my knees, _______. I’ll do whatever you want, baby.” 

“You on your knees?” You raise an eyebrow.

“I am a changed man.” 

“Fuck you, Kim Taehyung.” 

“By all means, ________, please.” Rolling your eyes at your two-timing ex, you continue packing up, making sure you won't forget anything else on the desk. Funny how he can even extract innuendos from your display of hatred. At this point, Taehyung had already rounded the table and is now standing beside you.

You figure he’s fiddling with the projector (for all you care), that is, until you feel his warm breath fanning against your nape. His close proximity instantly gives you a chill and before you can turn to face him, he already has you trapped between his body and the podium. 

Taehyung can't hide the smirk that graces his lips when he sees you gulp. Fueled by your reaction, he proceeds to reach for the clicker by the opposite end of the desk, bending you a little bit forward, all the while pressing his erection against your ass. 

When he feels you hold your breath in, it only spurs him on, slowly grinding against you. “T-Tae…” you whisper out brokenly, weakly pushing away his firm hold on your waist. “You’re not…” All coherent thoughts get drained from your head when he takes your breasts in his hands, kneading them gently through your shirt,  “...s-supposed to do….” 

The door opens all of a sudden and the janitor enters, holding a plastic roll in his hands. Taehyung abruptly takes his hands off you, placing them inside his pockets instead. Thankfully, the janitor only takes notice of you and Taehyung’s presence after checking the trash bin by the last row and not when the latter had his hands all over you. “Oh, sorry Doc! I thought everybody had left already. I’ll just come back later.” Bowing once in your direction, he leaves quickly just as he had arrived. 

As you turn around to confront Taehyung about his brazen behavior, he’s already there, suddenly connecting his lips with yours. Nearly loosing your footing at the unexpected action, Taehyung instinctively places his hands on your back, pushing you further towards him. You place your palms against his chest, not wanting to get scandalized by making out with a guest. “Taehyung…”

The blonde-haired man pulls away from the kiss, only to attach his lips on that certain spot on your neck that ultimately gets you weak in the knees. ‘Does he remember?’ You think, mind getting hazy over the feeling of his pliant mouth on your skin after all these years. Then again, your mind betrays you with the vivid image of him fucking your friend in your very room – inside the same apartment you shared with that friend he cheated on you with.

Your judgment gets clouded once more as he fumbles with your shirt, unbuttoning the first one – enough to leave a hickey just above the valley of your breast. Taking your bottom lip between your teeth to hold in the moan the threatens to escape your mouth, your fist tightens around the fabric of his collar.

Sliding the swiveling chair from underneath, Taehyung pushes you down onto the cushion of the seat. As he kneels to the ground, your heart beats rapidly in your chest, the anticipation causing to form a few beads of sweat by your hairline. Pleasure shoots through your core as he hikes your skirt up, rubbing his hands all over your thighs.

Having him touch you like this after so many years ignited that fire inside you once more, the almost foreign feeling ultimately driving you close to madness.

Fuck, you missed this. Not him. Not Taehyung. Whatever thing this was with Taehyung that was so deliriously enticing: this magnetizing aura that drew everyone to him without him having to even try. Unfortunately for you, it had also drawn unwanted attention from perpetually thirsty women. You missed these feverish kisses, featherlight touches that sent electricity pulsing through your veins.

You repeat the phrase in your head like a fervent prayer. You miss the idea of this Taehyung, the Taehyung that ravished you on a regular basis, like you were the irresistible flame to the metaphorical moth that was him.

“Tell me to stop, baby, and I will,” Taehyung rasps, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

“No panties? Still my naughty little slut I see,” Taehyung remarks, as he sees your naked core. It’s shameful how you’re embarrassingly wet within a short period of time, but you no longer put much thought on it, especially with a handsome man like Taehyung on his knees for you.

With dilated pupils, Taehyung looks up and you knew you had both reminisced the time this same scenario happened in his office at DMC. The infamous surgeon draws you out of your reverie as he plants kisses along the expanse of your thigh.

Urgently wanting to fully express his intentions, Taehyung wastes no time, bunching up your skirt by your hips and diving in to flatten his tongue against your wet core. You gasp at the contact and you practically feel him smile at your responsiveness.

Taehyung starts with a slow pace, letting his tongue swirl all over your cunt. “Oh!” you breath out when he flicks your nether bud with his tongue. Taehyung keeps your legs apart with left hand while he dips a finger between your folds with the other. As you shudder at the sensation, Taehyung continues his ministrations, pushing his finger in, reveling in the way your walls clench around his digit.

“You’re still so tight after all these years,” the man says, diving in once more as he familiarizes himself once more of your addictive essence, licking and sucking at your core for all its worth like it’s his last day on the planet.

Just as you were about to climax, three knocks on the door resonate throughout the empty room, and as you push your thighs together and signaling Taehyung to keep quiet underneath the table, the door opens one more time and the chairman’s head pokes through the side, eyes scanning the room to look for you. Fixing your appearance discreetly, you put on a smile on your face, ignoring the frustration that came with not being able to orgasm properly.

“Wanna go grab lunch with me, sweetheart?” 

“Sure. I’ll be out in a few, babe. Just… gotta go through some emails,” comes your breathless answer. “Okay darling. I’ll be waiting for you by my office.” When you feel Taehyung’s fingers start to dance back up along your legs, you swat them away, the realization of your unfaithful acts finally dawning on you. 

“Stop it Taehyung and get up from there,” you tell him, pulling down your silk skirt that’s shamelessly bunched up around your hips. As you tame the creases on your skirt, the light above you hits the rock on your fourth finger. The gleam hits your eyes perfectly, the diamond on your engagement ring seemingly mocking you of your infidelity. 

For the sake of your sanity, you don’t say another word to Taehyung who also had his eyes trained on your ring. Quickly you grab your things off the desk, not sparing your dejected ex-boyfriend a look. As you reach the door, you rest your head on the hard plastic, “I’m happy now, Taehyung. Please respect that.” With a sigh, you open the door, not daring to take a look back. 

Taehyung nods silently, looking away from your figure as a tear rolls down his cheek, regret and longingness weighing on him heavily.

[weyheyjxlya]

Ａｌｉｖｅ

*•.¸♡ pairing: sugawara koushi x reader

*•.¸♡ genre: nsfw || smut (this is my first time writing one, gomen)

*•.¸♡ prompt : Mirror fuck

*•.¸♡ warning: gay!sugawara au, fingering, handjob, praising?, soft dom!suga? (I’m kinda not good with warnings sorry)

*•.¸♡ a/n : so this is my first server collab from the first server where I’ve met various kinds of people who supported and sparked my inner frustrated writer within. so yeah! I hope this won’t be the last one writing nsfw because geesh it fucked my brains out so ya, I didn’t get to upload my chapter 06.2 because I crammed with this. so I hope you enjoy this babies! ilysm!! also listen to the music indicated while reading it, okay? THAANK YOU!!

“My love,  I’m so afraid for things to change My love, Guess i’m too carried away”

“I guess it is not a dream, yeah?” he asked doubtedly while cuddling you “Yeah, it isn’t kou,” you replied as you’re slowly drifting away from exhaustion. Slowly.. slowly.. slowly… “I really hope this isn’t fantasy. If this what I get for being alive? Then I want it. You are life y/n.” he confessed while caressing your face with the back of his hand as he momentarily appreciates your lovely existence.

“Why am I still alive Kou-chaaaannn??!?” you whined as you shook Sugawara’s hands when you grabbed it out of frustration from your cheating boyfriend that just broke up with you. “You know Y/N-chan, there’s like plenty of fishes in the sea!! Why not search for someone right at this moment and time? I cam even suggest one from the volleyball club! Not Daichi though, he’s mine!!” he protested excitedly.

Back from your first-year senior high school days, you’ve met this light-gray-haired guy with an average height and a slender build. But what attracted you the most is that wonderful mole just below his left eye. It’s so beautiful. It brought out the best of his majestic face like some kind of an accessory that matches the one who wears it perfectly. This guy is such a work of art. You’ve felt your heartbeat continue for like a while when he greeted you charismatically. Showing to you that extraordinary smile, you’ve felt captivated. Damn, this man is so fine “Uhm hi!! I’m Sugawara Koushi. How about you?” he asked “Oh yeah, I’m L/N Y/N! N-nice to m-meet you,” you replied “Nice to meet you also Y/N-chan. I’ve noticed that you’ve been looking at me for a while. Uhm, this is kinda embarrassing but I am gay,” “Oh wow, omg thank you for saying that to me. And yeah, no judgment involved but there’s one thing certain right now,” you cooed “Hmm, what is it? You’re acting kinda weird haha” Sugawara replied nervously “Let’s be friends Koushi!” you’ve suggested “That’s kind of quick but yeah, fine!” he acknowledged ~~ From high school until college, both of you are always together. Both of you are frequently called out as a couple at first but will feel embarrassed when they got to know who Sugawa is. Months and years passed, you only just thought Sugawara as your best friend. You’ve tried your best to bore in into your mind but your heart always betrayed you. You still like Sugawara all along and you fell hard for him. Hence, you’ve tried your best to suppress it. So you’ve got yourself into various relationships, that in the end, it just ends in like a flick of a hand. It’s easy, momentarily, pretend, and temporary. You just can’t get Sugawara out of your heart.  It even got to the point where you’re imagining Sugawara as your own partner in life and love –also in bed because everything just felt so empty. You can’t get him out of your heart. Then finally, you’ve met some guy which helped you got into a relationship seriously.

“Am I too ugly? Do I lack anything? Why did I got cheated on Kou-chan?” you sobbed again despite the moisturizer that Sugawara applied on your face to prep you from glamor. You’ve been adoring yourself for a while now and you’re wearing a deep red silk robe that has done its job perfectly. Hugging your beautiful curves,  complimenting your beautiful skin, and made you feel things again that you’ve forgotten for quite a long time. Dreamy as it is but you’ve been wondering. You’ve done everything you can but still, why have you been cheated on? “Y/N-chan, come on. You’re more than that, we both know it. I won’t be sticking with you up until now (even though we barely meet for a while recently since your boyfriend gets jealous because of me) if you don’t have that beaut,” Sugawara comforted with tease while smoothing out your dress for your night out after your boyfriend cheated on you “Gosh, the pain and pleasure that I got every night because of his jealousy over you. I might die the day after,” you protested jokingly while drying off your tears with tissue from the vanity mirror because you’ve wasted quite an amount of expensive moisturizer that had been put on your face because of some tears that fell over for some garbage kind of a guy. Suddenly, Sugawara stopped with what he’s doing when he heard your sudden confession then he walked over you, poker-faced at the edge of the bed to join you to face the mirror. “Come on dear, now close your eyes and let me finish up that art that I’ll create upon this beautiful face of yours,” Sugawara offered with a sudden change of his face, from straight face to a now charming smile as he scooted over you and started reapplying a small amount of that expensive moisturizer again to coat all the spaces that have the moisturizer erased. The application this time is quite relaxing. Suga’s gentle hands have been stroking it ever so gently for a while. Then suddenly, he stopped. As a response to your curiosity, you slowly opened your eyes. Without warning, Sugawara’s lips are planted upon yours. Due to your own shock, you’ve tried to pull yourself from him but he didn’t let it happen. He gently bent your head slightly to the back and then held your face like it’s the most fragile thing that he has ever held on and continued placing kisses in various places. Before you could protest, you’re now drunk from the euphoria that Sugawara gave you. With hearts thumping loud, mind becoming black, and your own body becoming numb and now giving into his kisses, you’ve wanted this for so long and it’s happening now. So without thinking, you drew your arms around his neck and you’ve felt his flirtatious grin drawn in his lips.  He guided your head to the side then he continued kissing until he insistently licked your lips as permission to part your trembling lips. Without a moment’s hesitation, you gave in to him completely. You dropped all your guards down as this is the moment that you’ve been longing for. That sweet,  gentle, and addicting kiss of his made you forget all types of kisses that you’ve experienced before. It was experienced and mature. But then you’ve felt sad and Sugawara felt the sudden emotion because that you’ve become unresponsive to his kiss. “Why sugar?” he asked as he momentarily pulled back from the kiss “You’re really experienced with this and those experiences aren’t with me,” you pouted as tears fell upon your cheeks “Shush sugar. If it’s not for those experiences, I wouldn’t be this great for you, right? This is a new case for me but this sensation that I’m feeling right now cannot compare to anything. You make me feel things Y/N and I love you so much that it hurts,” he replied while wiping your tears with the back of his hands. “Come here sugar,” he sweetly called as he patted his lap and he held out his hands and you took it. Swiftly, as you sat on his lap he immediately pulled you into a tight hug and nuzzled the crook of your head like it’s the last time that he’ll see you. “Finally, you’re here now,” he murmured as he immediately pulled your face and started kissing you. It’s gentle but demanding. The kiss made you feel completely melted as every inch of your body dissolves into his. The fuzzy feeling made you wrap your shoulders around his neck, grip into his hair, and pulled him closer. You’ve never felt like this before. Hungry as it is but you’ve never wanted anyone like this ever. As this moment continues, both of you are now completely peeling off the label “friends” in between you and both of you know it so well. This is the beginning of something. Breaths may stop you for a short moment but it never became a hindrance as both of you are passionately showing how needy you are with each other. As the kiss continued, Sugawara realized how long he had been holding back from this passionate desire to be yours completely.  How perplexed he is at night when he realizes that he fell for such an idiotic straight best friend of his. How jealous he is every time you get into another relationship. How irritated he can sense how much of an asshole since he is a man a swell. How sad he is when you’re not by his side because you’re with someone. He wanted you all along but he suppressed it just to keep you from the awkwardness and from leaving him. Now that the moment’s here, he’s now thanking the heavens as this moment has been taking the man out of him. Now he’s praying that they keep him from where the light is because he might lose himself from this moment. Slowly, Sugawara pushed you backward, without breaking the kiss he laid you flat against the bed. On your peripheral vision, you witness how you’re deliciously making out in the mirror but you don’t care. You don’t care because it has been years since you’ve been longing for this. Even after those stupid relationships, it is still him. Sugawara Koushi is the only thing that you want for. The feeling of his weight upon yours sent signals all throughout your system because the feeling is phenomenal. You get to take in his sweet kind of cinnamon and a little hint of clean linen smell that lingers his body –this kind smell of his has sent you wanting his body more. His hands are now exploring everywhere and it doesn’t matter. He starts planting kisses upon your jaw down to your neck when he starts searching for the sash of your robe. When he got a hold of it he suddenly pulled back and stared at you with his charming puppy eyes and without hesitation, you nodded which left an angelic grin upon his face. He lets go and placed the robe sash on a spot where he can find it then he cupped your face again to passionately kiss it again and the other hand travels with delicious, teasing, and slow speed down from your neck, collar, breasts, and hips as he finally reached the robe sash again that sent shivers down your spine. When he finally released the bow from being tied, he gently helped you get free from the garment. As he finally got you out of it and the robe not within your sight, he sat upright then he deliciously registered your naked body with a burning gaze that consumes you in no time. “I could look at this all throughout my life sugar. You’re extraordinary and I love you so much,” he praised when he lifted his shirt over his head and undoes his pants with his underwear and throws it off from the bed. Having the image of the naked Sugawara in front of you is heavenly that it awakened your inner woman twerking its ass off from the happiness that it’s experiencing right now. He is beyond beautiful. Charming in his own ways. Angelic but it looked like the one who’s gonna cut our wings with and escape. Sugawara really looked like a man that came out of your dreams. Suddenly, your mouth became dry when you saw his growing member that made you gasp for some air. Seeing this reaction seeping out of you Sugawara chuckled and he excitedly hovered over you again. Sugawara strokes your face with the back of his hands and obviously, his touch resonates in the depth of your groin. Bending over, Sugawara slowly kissed your lips and started his slow torture. Starting from your neck down to your breast he started trailing kisses, nuzzling, then sucking hard that left its trails with love bruises. Every kiss made your nipples peak and harden as it starts off the fire of your desire. When Sugawara saw, he put on his devilish grin and has now started sucking your nipple from the left breast while deliciously playing with his hand on the other that left you panting and grabbing his hair because you’re now selfishly wanting for more. “Koushi, please,” you begged “So eager huh, okay sugar,” he responded and suddenly his tongue is suddenly inside your mouth then he started again with his travel starting from your breasts, across your stomach, and down to your navel. He sits up again with eyes brimming with joy as he wondered over the art that he made across your beautiful body. Feeling proud because he’s the creator of it. Out of joy, he bent down again and starts shifting lower until he reached your clitoris. You cried out by this traveling of his then you suddenly felt all of your nerves when his incredible tongue worked its way on your cunt so much that it left you a whining mess. “Calm down sugar,” he mumbled when he deliciously continued his business with your cunt and suddenly he slipped one finger which left you breathless and gasping for air. Then he slipped one more and this leads you to the edge as he started moving it in and out with agonizing slowness. The stimulation you’re experiencing was extravagant due to the mere fact that you’re doing it with the subject of your suppressed love. “Hmmm, this is definitely new for me, sugar and I’m loving it. Most specifically this,” he murmured when he starts stroking your spongy walls then he continues with relentlessly licking and sucking your clit which made your mind get blown by the stimulation and sensation that Sugawara gives you. After a few pumps, you have reached your first mind-blowing orgasms which left your sense go numb and your body go limp. Due to your sudden burst and to your mind-blowing high you instantaneously thought of Sugawara. So all of a sudden you sat up then pushed him back and you grabbed his member and started palming him which then he let out a loud groan and started looking upon you with a hooded and full of desire gaze which left you excitingly and slowly pumping him until he reached his own orgasm that he had been holding back for a while now. “Well that’s kind of embarrassing, I’ve been holding that back for a while now. Oh well, patience sugar. This will soon fill you up,” he replied and winked as he reached for the condom which is in one of the drawers of his vanity mirror. He planted a kiss on your lips first then he laid you again on the bed then started hovering over you again, he slipped on a condom, and then without asking for permission, he’s inside you, slow at first but builds up its pace until it’s hard and fast. Groans, moans, and lewd sounds of your bodies clashing have filled the room which leads you both nearing your own orgasms but to your dismay, on the spur of the moment, Sugawara pulled out of you and flips you over. When you took your time to flip over because your body’s been limp and all, he suddenly pulled you upright so that you’re practically sitting on him. But what made heat haunted your ears and face more, it’s that you’re now facing the mirror that has its lights on. He scooted the both of you a little to the side and now you can brightly see how your cunt sucking in his dick nearly balls deep. “Kou this is kinda embarrassing,” you mewled as you held your face due to your obvious embarrassment. “Then enjoy it sugar,” he replied with amusement. Splendidly, his hands moved up to your breasts, palms it, and tugging gently on your nipples which made your groan for more and tossing your head back against his shoulders. He starts biting downs your neck when he splendidly flexes his hips, filling you up slowly again and again. “You mean the world to me sugar. I’ve realized how empty I am when you’re gone so I never want to let you go now” he breathes against your ear “Yes and neither do I Koushi,” you gasped as he starts slamming to you again to your mewl over his name. This never felt so good he thought. As he was slamming you so hard your moans and cries are now echoing the whole room. “That’s right sugar, let me hear you,” he whispered as he snakes one hand on your waist and another on your hip. Firmly that you know it’ll leave some mark after then he pushes into you harder and harder. With your breaths growing harsher and harsher, ragged, tired, and with gritted teeth both of you found your release together. After catching up some air, both of you collapsed on the bed together and you are now curled up on the bed with his front pressed on your back, his nose on your hair. “What I’m feeling right now frightens me Koushi,” you trembled “Me too Y/N. Everything’s so new to me,” he says quietly “I know, so what if this is just on a whim then you’ll leave me,” you choked as the thought is horrific. “It won’t happen and I won’t go somewhere sugar. I love you so much,” So to confirm the answer you turned your back to gaze at him and he’s now showing a serious and sincere face and it made your heart flutter. You leaned over and kissed him gently and he smiled and reaches up to tuck your hair behind your ear which calmed down your heart more. “I’ve never ever felt this amazing sugar and you made it happen. My heart cannot settle itself right now because you’re here in my arms now. I would do everything just to feel this way and to not lose you anymore Y/N. You have my whole heart, I promise.” he promised as you kiss him again and it planted a smile on your lips “So this is not a dream, yeah?” he asked doubtedly while cuddling you “Yeah, it isn’t kou,” you replied as you’re slowly drifting away from exhaustion. Slowly.. slowly.. slowly… “I really hope this isn’t fantasy. If this what I get for being alive? Then I want it. You are life y/n.” he confessed while caressing your face with the back of his hand as he momentarily appreciates your lovely existence. “I promise, even to death. I’ll love you forever Y/N,” he added as he also drifts away to sleep

*•.¸♡ gen. taglist ♡¸.•*  here ya go @maviiiiic​

[kustovshik]

Talking.

This post is informative in connection with a dispute that one of the parties decided to make absurd. If you don't want to get involved, just skip it. I don't force anyone to look into it or read it.

Kust is in touch. As many people have noticed, there was a small(not small now) conflict between me and a couple of other people, which could have already been eliminated, but was brought to total clowning. Names/nicknames named in this post will not be in order to avoid any negative towards those people. Also, no correspondence will be shown here, although they will be mentioned. If someone asks , I'm ready to go and personally collect all the screenshots of the two conversations, without losing any moments.

As a person in some way responsible for the current situation, I have a desire to illuminate everything from the side of my vision of things.

The conflict conditionally began three days ago. Let's call the person who initially had a small argument with me a certain person "A".

Well. in March. March 24th. We can assume that almost 5 months ago I published a post: https://kustovshik.tumblr.com/post/613504425335586816/i-want-to-be-in-fiars-stomach-he-looks-like-a

Many people remember it, I hope. I'll attach an old screenshot here just in case.

The whole conflict initially started because of the double meaning of the context behind the work itself. The problem, I was told, was the tags. Namely, in the tag highlighted in the screenshot above: ‘safe vore(or is it?)’.

This tag was originally put up there not because I didn't know what type of vore to call it, but specifically so that people themselves would sit and think: what do they want to see in my drawing. Simply put, a drawing with an open context. And it seems like no one has had any problems with it for few months.

That's what person A didn't like. I was told in a very unpleasant way for me personally that the person was very offended by this use of tags. And other problems with how they don't like 'fatal vore'. It was also suggested to me that I don't know about how fatal can be quite a painful experience for some.

I admit. My answer was quite abrupt. I can't deny it, and I won't, because that's the kind of person I am. My language is harsh on words and expressions. Instead of a thousand words and a selection of expressions, I usually tell people everything openly, or I am ready to openly indicate that something is wrong. Also, I fully admit that I have problems controlling my emotions, which makes it difficult for me to establish contact with strangers. I grew up in a different mindset, which is why I have a different view of many things. It's like putting two people who know the same language, but from different parts of the world, next to each other and forcing them to express their position on some moral principles or other things, and then wonder why their answers are different. A very exaggerated and crude comparison, but that how it looks like.

Why did I respond harshly? I am a rather rude person, and I do not like when people come to me in private messages, starting to talk about how bad they are feeling, because of things that can be safely ignored or blocked by them, so that there are no problems.

My first fatal mistake was when I decided to answer to "A". Afterwards, I talked to a couple of my friends and got cold feet. And then I apologized, trying to come to some compromise, adding the tag 'open ending' so that no one would be confused. But it seems that this was not enough, because “A” continued to say how it’s bad from what she found, even if not quite fatal stuff. Refusing to compromise in any way, as I suggested.

After that, we parted with apologies to each other, and neither of us wrote to each other again. I honestly thought it was over.

Now, before I go on to the man who has been driving me mad for the past two days, I will make a pure assumption and try to explain my indignation in a different way...

Out of human interest, I went through the 'safe vore' tag. Noted an interesting feature. Both tags had quite a lot of posts there. Namely, tags are 'safe vore' AND 'fatal vore'. Why did my post cause the problem? Have no idea.

Then another point became incomprehensible to me. How did a person get to this post at all? It would be difficult to find it through search, but you can: there is a lot of content by tag. I flipped the feed down from the second account for a long time and didn't come across my own post.

Then, in my little investigation, I looked into Tumblr's alerts. Likes, reblogs, well, you understand in short. And noticed it.

This is the first appearance of "A" in my notifications.

Hence, I dare to assume that "A" came across one of the reblogs of this post: https://kustovshik.tumblr.com/post/616227708116025344/a-new-player-has-joined-the-game And then "A" went to my blog, along the way ignoring the description specially written for such people at the very top of the blog, and came across my two-meaning post.

But after that, I had a rhetorical question: Why go to the blog of a person who has this written in the description, and hope that there will not be a fatal vore?

Of course, this theory is based only on my assumptions. But I think this scenario is quite real.

Thus, we can say that I have every right to be angry at the indignation expressed in my direction, because it is not my fault that the person ignored my preferences, scrolled down my blog page and started complaining.

Back to reality.

As you can understand, " A " shared our conversation with their friend, who the next day suddenly came to me with a long message about his position, offering help that was not needed.

Even then, I began to suspect that this person(let's call him "B") was somehow connected with "A". Moreover, the reason for the visit was the same for both of them.

I have already mentioned that I am an irritable and rather rude person. I was already stressed enough by the appearance of "A" and the consequences of my reflections that occurred after what I thought was an end to the conflict. And the repeated mention of the situation has already infuriated me.

I fully admit that I reacted very sharply to the "B" message. I had reasons for this that the other side chose not to consider.

Well. After receiving the message I gave sharp response expressing extreme dissatisfaction, but without insults to "B". Was there passive-aggressive speech? Yes. Were words said that I am not obliged to monitor the health of people who do not concern me? Yes. Do I have the right to think so? Yes. Does this fall under the moral code? It depends on the person's personal worldview.

Yes, I was rude due to the fact that on the second day I was exhausted and angry about this situation. I wanted to end this conflict and repeatedly asked both of them to block me and remain neutral. In addition, I tried to somehow explain that we are people of different mentalities and grew up with different life standards, so in this situation we see this conflict differently. Yes, in a rough way, but I tried to explain it.

I received a ton of direct insults, was accused of narcissism and high self-esteem, as well as refusing to take care of other people's problems. In addition, I received lines like, quote: "...but let me see you talk like you did to me or anyone else simply trying to converse with you over a serious topic and I will not hesitate to have your content and eventually your account removed from this site.".

Isn't this a direct threat?

I understand that passive-aggressive speech itself can offend someone. But you can't call it an insult. Passive-aggression is a hidden way of expressing negative feelings and emotions to a person. This is not an insult. But, Yes, I admit that this is a very harsh and rude way of communicating.

That's just after such an exchange of pleasantries, I snapped. 3 days of unquenchable conflict, when one side refused to listen to the other, at the same time. There were attempts on my part to end the conflict. There was one repeated request to block and disperse, so as not to inflame everything to the point of absurdity.

"Want to stay safe with your own preferences? "Please, God, don't touch me, that's all. Block me already and we will live in peace. "- This was the message of my answers. It's sad, but instead of just ending the conflict, I got the brand of a person with a capitalist mindset, the brand of a bitch-whiner, and other other charms.

And I swear that I was ready to just leave all this and stop responding to such outbursts in my direction, banal blocking "B", if they can’t themselves do it.

As here I get a notification with a post where this person changed my art / tags and basically uploaded the changed image to his blog, hiding behind good intentions. "B" did not receive permission for such actions. Even with an indication of authorship. I am most outraged by such actions at the moment.

Better look on the two images compared to each other. 

And after that, everyone wants me to try to understand how bad I was and how poor they are, that from a simple argument that could have ended without even starting, it turned into an absurd clowning with offended people, insults and changing someone else's drawings and whole character reaction. Just a note. Fiar is not so nice, he’s a wild monster leech and he just grumbles about everything as much as he don’t understands why some people willing to let him eat them. He’ll never say something as “I’ll keep you safe”.  

There it is. The comedy of a three days.

This post is for informational purposes only. Namely, how I see this situation.

All I want now is for "B" to delete the post, and for both sides to banal block each other, so that we never meet again.

I refuse to apologize to "B" for their latest act of outraging my drawing by completely distorting the meaning from a neutral drawing to something that only "B" and their friend like. In conclusion I can say, that I do not call myself a good one in that confrontation. I did some terrible mistakes while talking to both of those people. But it’s not only I’m here being on the bad side. People are not black and white. 

After this I’ll not respond to any of the continuation of that conflict anymore. I’m tired of this.

[jaarimasheng]

My Favorite Grey’s Anatomy Characters (FEMALE)

I vaguely remember hearing my mom talk about Grey’s Anatomy when I was young. I then thought about it as an “adult show” (not in the pg18 sense, but like the shows that adults watch), so when Netflix put the show up, I decided to give it a try. The least I expected out of this show was to get attached to the characters and the show itself. But then it gives me so many emotions every time I watch. I have cried, laughed and fell in love again and again. 11 seasons in, and here I am, dedicating a whole blog post (AND MORE TO COME) to the show.

Not only that but the show showcases some of the strongest female characters in television history. They featured women with tragic and very traumatic backstories, and turned them into very inspiring ones.    ⁽ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵃᶦⁿˢ ˢᵖᵒᶦˡᵉʳˢ ᵉˢᵖ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᵉᵈ ᵃⁿʸ ᵉᵖᶦˢᵒᵈᵉˢ ʸᵉᵗ⁾

1. 𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓖𝓻𝓮𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Who doesn’t love a heavily traumatized lead character? Merdith Grey is not only a badass for overcoming her traumas despite ignoring them for years, but she’s also a badass for taking them as her life lessons and learning from her past mistakes. 

Some of Meredith’s traumas:

She unknowingly has seen her mom with her lover (at such a young age)

Saw how ruined her mom got when both her marriage and the extra marital relationship didn’t work out

Suffered the consequences of her mom's ambitious nature

She had to live with her mom’s expectations and had to live in her shadow after following her footsteps

Became a mistress without knowing and was humiliated by Derek’s wife

Has seen her friends on the deathbed

Almost got herself killed a couple of times

Suffered from miscarriage

Got cheated on

Lost her sister on a plane crash she was also in

ABANDONMENT! Literally almost everyone she loved has moved away or died

And many more. But then, she kept going. She proved her mom wrong. She proved her traumas wrong. She went on to build a happy family despite coming from a very broken one. She has forgiven people who did her wrong so many times. She took on the career that had stolen her mom and her childhood away, (and she’s rocking it). She became the mom she never had to her kids and the wife her mom never was. She has done it all with her humility intact.  She’s literally an icon of being a bad bxtch: a badass, tough, and classy queen. 

“𝐹𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓊𝓃𝒶𝓋𝑜𝒾𝒹𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉’𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓃. 𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓊𝓅. 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓅. 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉.”- Meredith Grey, Season 10 Episode 12

2. 𝓛𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓮𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Being raised as an only child, I couldn’t really blame Meredith for reacting the way she did when she first met Lexie. Not to mention she started off as someone who **almost flirted with Derek when he was being unstable with Mer. She isn’t Meredith’s only sister, but they share the same dream and passion: medicine. She was known among the residents as “Lexipedia” because of her photographic memory. Not only am I very much attracted to intelligent characters, but Lexie was also quirky and funny. She easily forgave Meredith and tried her best to understand her. They were able to work past their issues and be the best sister duo in the show, and Derek’s best neuro student. She’s someone who’s filled with so much love, and therefore gave as much love as she had in her. 

At first, I couldn’t understand why she decided to let go of Mark instead of being open for discussion with him in regards to Mark’s children. they were literally perfect for each other and seeing her evade the topic on hand was somehow disappointing. But then, I remember her talking about being young and not being able to accept being a grandma. And it was something she had to accept even though Mark didn’t ask for her to. Because it was a part of who Mark was. And like she mentioned on the show, it’s not something someone so young can process right away. She needed time. Realizing how much she loved Mark and how ready she is to take it all in, she got brave and was ready to try again. I miss seeing her on the show. I wish her and Mark got their happy ending together.  “𝐼𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒. 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝑒𝓁𝓈𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝓏𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒.” - Lexie Grey, Season 7 Episode 16

3. 𝓐𝓭𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓰𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓻𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Derek’s legal wife and someone who made sure Meredith knew where she should be standing especially in Derek Shepherd’s life. Other than getting tired of her husband’s passive aggressiveness especially after she cheated on him with his bestfriend, Grey’s Anatomy didn’t show us Addison’s back story much. However, her character made such an impact. She remained classy: she worked with her ex-husband and his “mistress”, and tried her hardest to keep things professional, acknowledged her mistakes which caused her marriage demise and gracefully moved on. I think I’ll be watching Private Practice as well because of her. 

“𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔.”- Addison Montgomery

4. 𝓒𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓪 𝓨𝓪𝓷𝓰

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

We all need a bestfriend that brings us back to the ground when we’ve flown too high, who understands us more than we probably understand ourselves, who won’t judge us based on the decisions we make but won’t also hesitate to correct us when we’re taking the wrong way. We all need someone we can call our other half: our person. Meredith was lucky to have Cristina, and Cristina with Meredith. They started seeing each other as rivals, but grew to love each other more than like sisters. Both are strong, goal oriented, smart and gorgeous. Their opinions may clash at times, they’ve gone through countless misunderstandings, but things will always work out between them because they’re each other’s persons. She proved herself to be a main character on her own. Definitely not your “asian sidekick”.  To some, Cristina may come off as arrogant, obnoxious and a know-it-all. But she’s like that because she has always walked her talk. She knows her capabilities and she’ll stop at nothing for the sake of improvement and expanding her knowledge. She’s an independent woman who tends to forget how much of a bad bitch she is at times, but before things get out of hand she goes right back to her self. 

“𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅𝓅𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝒶 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝒹𝒶𝓂𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝓈. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝓉𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒, 𝓃𝑜 𝒷𝓊𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈. 𝒴𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃. 𝐵𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃.”- Cristina Yang, Season 4 Episode 15

“𝒟𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒾𝓅𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹. 𝐻𝑒'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓎, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝑒'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓃. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒.” - Cristina Yang, Season 10 Episode 24

5. 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵 𝓚𝓮𝓹𝓷𝓮𝓻

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

She started off to be annoying, especially with the Mercy-Westers trying to “replace” our OG residents in Seattle Grace. With her unnecessarily high pitched voice and her obsession with faith, I did have a hard time watching her at first. Not to mention her clumsiness that almost cost the other residents’ job. However, not loving April Kepner is impossible. She grows on you, with her amazing character development.

She’s sweet, funny and kind. And she never forces her religion to other people, instead she inspires others using it. She proves that her charming appearance hides a charismatic strong and opinionated woman who never backs down especially when she knows she’s right. She never lets other people influence her decision and she sticks by with what she believes is the best. It’s also right to mention how well she manages the ER and how amazing of a trauma surgeon she is. She has her fair share of wrong decisions, a fair amount of people she has hurt, but that didn’t hinder her from giving the love inside of her around. She’s an amazing surgeon, an awesome friend and a very inspiring woman.

“𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓍𝑒𝒹, 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈𝓃'𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃.”- April Kepner, Season 12 Episode 11

An honorable mention to this list: 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓑𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓼

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Mousey! My favorite post plane crash intern. She was more of a background character, but she was too cute not to notice. Not to mention she’s always been quirky, weird and pure. She rarely spoke bad against her attendings and her co-intern and Derek Shepherd treasured her so much. She could’ve been an amazing neurosurgeon. 

AND THAT CONCLUDES this list (so far) I have 8 more seasons to catch up on and maybe someday, I’ll be able to edit and add more on to the list. Currently, Amelia and Jo are growing on me. Arizona has disappointed me so many times, Callie is starting to annoy me, Bailey is becoming less of a teacher like she’s always been and I’ve just started knowing Maggie Pierce, hence I didn’t include them. I can’t wait to write more about Grey’s. Weirdly enough, it has been my pandemic comfort show-- along with The Twilight Saga.

UPDATE ON THIS LIST: I have finally finished the 15 seasons in Netflix (still waiting for the last 2 seasons I AM BEGGING NETFLIX TO PLS UPLOAD IT NOW) and I have another addition on the list.

7. 𝓐𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓪 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

She’s known as the Shepherds’ trouble child, a black sheep, the disturbed daughter. However, I believe we can all agree that Amelia is an amazing woman who’s misunderstood because of her unresolved childhood trauma, abandonment and daddy issues. Aside from her wit and skills as a neurosurgeon, I think she’s a great teacher and an awesome friend. She wasn’t the best wife to Owen, but I think she knows that she did her best. I have yet to see how her story with Linc unfolds but let me just put how amazing she is out here.

She has the funniest dark jokes and seeing her around is just a joy. Her sisters are truly missing out by shutting her out.

[eleanor-devil]

Boruto: Sacrifices [Remade] | Pre-Story Notes

Written by: Eleanor-Devil & @mirage-05​

Note about the remake: “ Welcome to the 1,5th journey in our Boruto stories, we really hope you will enjoy your reading. I will inform you a bit about this story before we start, for our new readers as well as the old. * Sacrifices is a canon-divergent story that we started working on in 2015, about a year and a half before canon material about the Boruto franchise came to light. In this regard, any matter other than those stated below is pure coincidence in terms of its likelihood with canon.

A big part of the canon storyline before Boruto’s Chuunin exams, including the known birthdays for the canon kids, are taken as canon for Boruto: Sacrifices. The only exception for this is Mitsuki’s background story and the Mitsuki arc right after the exams - we have our own version of how Mitsuki and Log were created. Any similarities are purely coincidental.

In this regard, it’s worth to note that the canon kids’ personalities are written from the scratch too. We took some aspects from the canon as the story progressed too, but there are many differences as there are similarities.

The teams other than Team Konohamaru and Team Moegi are different. This is because we three friends have our own OCs in the story - which was a must too when we didn’t know all of the canon characters. In our story, Metal Lee is teamed with OCs Asahi Kosetsu and Fuuto under the leadership of Tenten; Iwabe Yuino and Sumire Kakei teamed up with OC Hideyuki Kosetsu under the leadership of Hanabi Hyuuga and one more team lead by Kiba Inuzuka which consists of all OCs. There is also a team that’s made of chuunins, led by OC Ren Matsuoka and consisting of Wasabi Izuno, Namida Suzumeno (these two are aged up for this purpose) and OC Ichiro Sarutobi.

Also a mention that in Sacrifices, since Mitsuki arc doesn’t happen, Shikadai and Sarada have already both become chuunins.

To the contrary of the original Sacrifices, in the renewed version no one in the village aside from Naruto, Tsunade, Kakashi, Shikamaru and Yamato know about Mitsuki’s origins.

The follow/sequel to this story, Boruto: Happuden, has no connections to the Kawaki and Kara arc / storyline of the ongoing Boruto: Naruto Next Generations franchise, hence why they won’t appear in our story. We have an original storyline going on since 2016 - one we hope that you are gonna enjoy.

* Here is a personal note: your reviews are air and water to us. It might come as a surprise, but I (mirage-05) actually went through each and every one of your reviews in all the platforms we uploaded the story in the process of rewriting, to improve my storytelling. In this regard, this story is not just a product of me and my friends - it’s partly your success too! So please don’t hesitate to tell us what you think about this story - we are looking forward to it, especially constructive criticism!

However, please don’t take this as an open invitation to keep requesting Couple A or Couple B get together in our stories. I’ve stated this before - these are all pre-set in the plot line and we do not plan to change it at all.

To follow the entire story including illustrations that complete it please enter the following tag: Boruto: Sacrifices

While the story is going to be re-uploaded here on Tumblr twice a week, every Sunday, so to not clog up the dashboard and the Boruto and Naruto tags, you can find the complete story on deviantArt, Fanfiction.net and Archive Of Our Own under the name Boruto: Sacrifices.

Hope you will enjoy!

Merve and Dani

[svtscutie]

The Dating Form: #6

__ y/n's pov _____________________________

"Y/N"

I know that voice. I know that voice a bit too well. Jihoon.

I turn around and see him, he's holding flowers...my favorite, red carnations.

__ Jihoon's flashback _____________________

"Why are red carnations your favourite?" I ask Y/N as she brings the carnation over. She just got it from a street vendor as we are on one of our usual late night street walks. I couldn't get inspired to work and Y/N being great girlfriend she is, took me out of the studio.

"because one, no thorns so they're not as dangerous" she responds and I chuckle. Of course, it'd be something like that.

"but two, no matter the shade of red, it shows you admire the person" she adds. She passes the carnation towards me. What's this supposed to mean?

"This is for you, the carnation should show you... I feel something special for you" Y/N says, quietly. Shyly, even. It takes so much courage to just say it honestly like that. Wow, what a woman standing in front of me.

I lean in to kiss her and she closes the gap, our lips meeting. I don't deserve her. She puts everything on hold for me. She pulls away, n-

"Jihoon...why are you crying? What's wrong?" She asks me. I touch my face and feel the teardrops. Am I actually crying over her?

"You don't need to tell me, I trust you" she says and adds "I love you". She hugs me tightly and I hug her back. I couldn't say it back. I know we won't last. She has her goals in life and I have mine. And my goals always get in the way. I don't think I can allow her to sacrifice any more for this relationship. Not for me.

She gave up her late night parties with friends, her movie nights with Seungkwan, her stable bond with her brother, all for me. And I never give her anything back.

I don't deserve her. Everyone says so. Maybe they're right. What have I done for her?

__ y/n's pov _____________________________

"...how did you know I'd be here?" I say.

I'm in shock, it's an unfamiliar sight. When has he ever done this for me? He hasn't done this for me. Ever. He never had time to surprise me with flowers, let alone show up where I was when I least expected it.

"I still follow you on social media..." He says and I nod. I unfollowed him but that doesn't mean he unfollowed me back. Makes sense.

What doesn't make sense is the fact that he's here? Why did he feel the need to talk to me? We haven't spoken since we broke up. I told him I didn't want to be friends until I was over him.

"I also needed to drop off some new tracks to get produced into mixtapes" he adds. There we go, back to his focus on music. That sounds more like him.

The silence is hitting us both, both of us being very awkward and not knowing what to say. I know he's thinking about something. I just wish I could read his mind.

"These are for you, by the way" Jihoon says, passing me the flowers. I take them in my hand and put them next to the pile of cds I had next to me.

"Thank you, you didn't need to, we're not together anymore" I say. It takes all the strength I have to utter those last couple of words but I knew it's the truth.

He looks down at me and nods.

"I hope we could be friends though... I've missed you" he admits.

"I've missed you too, but... honestly..I'm happy, I finally went to those parties I've been meaning to go to. Seungkwan and I have been hanging out more. My brother and I can actually talk without us getting angry at each other. I've gotten to do what I've been wanting to do without hesitation. It's been nice" I say and something in him changes. That calm demeanor has changed, he's staring at me intensely. Maybe I should've said things nicely. I thought I did say things nicely.

"Like selling yourself out to go on dates"

He did not say that.

How dare he says that?

How does he know about that?

"You and I both know that I don't need to do that. Is that why you're here? Cause you're afraid I've moved on" I say, knowing it'll bite back. Jihoon always knew what to say to get me to admit defeat.

He faces away from me.

"Tha-"

"Maybe you should leave her alone" a person butts in and we both turn to face him. This person looks familiar.

"This is none of your business" Jihoon says, instantly biting back.

"You've obviously pissed her off with that comment and I'd rather not hear bickering while I'm trying to listen to music" he says.

"Please, let this go" I say and Jihoon's face softens.

That's different.

He calmed down just like that.

What's going on with him?

"I'm sorry" he whispers and leaves the store.

What is up with him? Why is he acting like this? What is going on? What does he want from me? Why is this so confusing?

I look at the helpful stranger again, he's calmly listening to songs from the students. Oh that's awkward, that cd was Jihoon's. He just told Jihoon off two seconds ago when he's trying to listen to his songs. Should I say something?

Surely a thank you from me isn't weird, right?

"Thank you for that" I say and he smiles at me. Okay yep, not weird, cool.

"No problem, it sounded rough" He says and adds "I've seen you in my classes so I felt like I should help out".

I don't have a clue of where I've seen him before. Like the face is familiar but I don't know where.

"I'm Vernon by the way" He says, offering his hand and I shake it. "Y/N" I respond back.

He dresses up nicely, chill and casual but still makes himself really good looking. He's honestly kind of cute, in his own way. Maybe I'm just interested cause he stood up for me. Or maybe he is just really cute.

Oh my god woman, make up your mind.

I begin to pick up my cd's and I hear a comment "wait, you listen to 88rising?"

Oh, okay so cute and has good music taste. I can roll with this. Maybe I won't need that dating form after all.

"Who doesn't?" I say and he laughs.

"None of my friends have heard of any of the artists" he responds.

NO.

WAY.

"But their music is soooo good" I say and he nods, enthusiastically.

"Legittt, what's your favorite song by the whole group?" He asks.

"Favorite song from the Head in the Clouds albums would be 'I Want In' and then just from the artists' works is 'I Like You' by Niki" I respond, he nods.

"'I Want In' is such a vibe, I'm more of 'Nothing Wrong' type of guy though and favorite from artists' works is 'Slow Dancing in the Dark' by Joji" he says.

Yo, those two song choices are like polar opposites. Like one's so hype and one's sad boy hours.

"Oh my god, Slow Dancing in the Dark makes me want to cry at all times" I say and he laughs at me.

"Top tier in your feels songs for sure" he says and then asks "Do you have the economics tutorial at 3?". I nod.

I wonder what he's trying to do with this information.

"Yeah, I do" I say and he asks "want to discuss music before the class?".

"Let's do it!"

—–

Day Two: #6

[masterlist]

—–

6 months after a breakup, a girl asks for some spice in her life. What she didn’t expect was a dating form being posted in honor of her. Multiple love interests, a regretful ex, a nosy brother and his friend and the college life ensures that the spice level is 1,000,000 on the Scoville Rating.

—–

A/N: So, what's our thoughts people? Do we feel sorry for Jihoon or no? Also Y/N and Vernon? Is that a vibe? (Or any of the characters actually?)

Has anyone filled out a dating form? Or have seen one? My university has an unofficial Facebook page where they upload dating forms (it’s more like hookup forms), hence where this idea came from. I don’t know if this is a common concept in everyone’s university though.

also yes check out 88rising hehe

[starryhedgehog]

i knew you, remember?

summary: what happens when Eliott Demaury doesn’t even remember his name?

amnesia!au

pairing: elu

word count: 1628

genre: angst (now) --> fluff (later)

part 1

a/n : hello everyone!  i had this sitting in my google docs for months (hence there may be grammar errors), and i think this is probably going to be the last fic i upload on this blog.  it’s a series, i have most of it written out, and i hope you enjoy!  

- - 

Lucas pushes the photo album in front of Eliott, his fingers dusted with crumbs of the stale sort of speculoo biscuit only given out at the front desks of hospitals.  “And this is your favorite place.  You like to go here when you need to be alone.”  He points to another photo, a polaroid, more specifically, and it's one of Eliott’s many dubstep vinyls, maybe even the exact one Eliott played on that first day Lucas came over.  “And this is dubstep.  Your favorite.  You made me listen to it when we first met, and it was terrible.”

Eliott cracks a smile, and he’s still so perfect in the room, still so utterly ethereal, even with hospital light blinding translucent streaks through his dark hair and the unruly look stretching across his face because god, he’s probably exhausted.  “So why’d you keep listening, hm?”

Lucas swallows, and he feels his heart physically jump up into his throat.  “Because you liked it.”  Lucas is straggling in a state of disarray, and he swears he can feel the little molecules in his chest expanding and shrinking, almost like he’s shifting and freezing and melting into all different states of matter because nothing feels right.  This isn’t right.  Lucas settles with slowly pointing to the photo on the next page, his finger wobbling.  “And this is the common room.”  He pauses, some part of him hoping Eliott will jump in and piece things together.  But he doesn’t, and Lucas hurries to fill the silence that’s filled between them.  “We worked on this mural together.”  He has to stop.  “We ... ”

“So,” Eliott says, finally, sounding out the words.  He looks at Lucas with those eyes, so beautiful and stunning and full of life that Lucas always feels like he’s teetering at the edge of mischief and wonder, “were we together?  Like, were you my boyfriend?”

Lucas aches.  “Yeah.”  His throat tightens, and he feels the familiar prick at the back of his eyes.  Stop it, he thinks, biting his tongue.  He’s not going to cry.  “I mean, we were dating,” Lucas corrects himself, and the words seem to tear at the little dignity he has left.  It’s so embarrassing, sitting here in front of Eliott, staring at Eliott with eyes he knows are full of yearning, and hope, and most of all sadness.  “I don’t want to pressure you into anything right now.”

“You wouldn’t.  I know you wouldn’t,” Eliott says quickly, and Lucas’s gaze snaps up.  Because maybe, maybe Eliott might remember.

Lucas has to physically bite his lips together to stop himself from saying anything stupid, and he nods stiffly, trying to appear inconspicuous.  But it doesn’t work.  There’s still stupid hope blinding his thinking, and right now, the only thing existing in Lucas’ mind is the notion that maybe, one more time, one more photo might do the trick.

He’s spoken too soon.

“I’m really sorry --”

“No!  No worries,” Lucas blurts out, his voice far too eager for what Eliott’s just said.  But the thing is, Lucas doesn’t care.  He really doesn’t give a shit about what Eliott’s going to say, just wants Eliott to keep talking.  He just wants things to go back to normal again.

Yet the half-smile that barely flits across Eliott’s gaze is a different sort of smile, one that’s hesitant and nearly regretful.  “This is going to make me sound like such an ass,” Eliott says, and this time Lucas hears the sadness in his voice.  “But, what was your name again?  There’s so much, and I can’t … I can’t remember.  Sorry.”

Lucas stops breathing.  Every memory of Eliott starts pressing at his skull, flashing incandescent and neon in his mind.

But instead of working through it, like he’s supposed to, his cheeks flush bright red and he drops Eliott’s gaze, staring hard at the speculoo wrapper clenched in between his fingertips.  “I need to go.”

Eliott’s hand reaches out to grab Lucas’ wrist.  “Wait.”

Eliott’s touch sends all sorts of feelings rushing through Lucas, and Lucas slumps back into his chair, his eyes dazed and confused, and oh, so sad.

“You’re so familiar,” Eliott begins, blinking, “or maybe it feels like you should be familiar.  But I don’t remember you at all.”

Ouch.

“That’s probably for the best.”  Lucas abruptly stands up from his seat, biting at his lower lip.  “I can’t do this.  Not right now.”

“Eliott,” Eliott offers, and he opens his palms on the table as if he wishes there were something he could give to Lucas.  “I’m Eliott.”

Lucas’s lip trembles in between his teeth.  He remembers Eliott at the bus stop, smoking a cigarette in the early nighttime.  He remembers chocolate bars and chelou, remembers everything.  He remembers Eliott saying those same exact words.

Eliott.  I’m Eliott.

“Lucas,” Lucas blurts out.  “And I know.”

Eliott mouths his name, then nods and quirks his lips into a half smile.  “If it means anything,” Eliott starts, shrugging his shoulders bashfully, “I can see why I liked you.”

Lucas freezes.  He’s biting the inside of his cheek so hard he thinks he might draw blood, and tries to keep his eyes trained on his shoes.  But Eliott’s right there, and he feels like the same Eliott, and Lucas lets his gaze travel up.  He stares at Eliott for a moment, eyes tracing over Eliott’s cheekbones, the curve of his nose, and Lucas blinks.  

“Sorry,” Lucas whispers, clutching his hands tightly.  “I thought,” he shakes his head, already walking out the room.  He can’t do this.

“Lucas?”

Lucas rushes out of the room and everything hurts.  He can’t believe he’s leaving Eliott, he can’t believe he’s leaving Eliott in that terrible room with the god-awful lighting, and the windows that are far too small for an artist like Eliott to even stand, and he feels his throat start to sting as he remembers the gauze wrapped tightly around Eliott’s left forearm.

Lucas slams himself against the wall, his head hitting against the plaster.  He stares up at the white lights, the brightness burning small dots in the corner of his vision, and he shuts his eyes, digging his nails into his palms.

A nurse passes by and sees Lucas standing there.  She’s pushing an older woman in a wheelchair, a clipboard grasped loosely between her right arm.  “Good morning,” she says, kindly.  

Lucas takes a deep breath and forces himself to smile.  He watches as he sees countless doors open and close with people walking in and out.  He could just leave Eliott here, he could easily just go back to his apartment and cry.  But he can’t leave Eliott.  Not like this, not alone.

So Lucas grits his teeth and walks right back to Eliott’s door.  He stands outside for a moment, taking a second to watch the outline of Eliott through the notched glass.  Then he knocks quickly, turning the doorknob to step back inside.

Eliott doesn’t look up at first, he’s too engrossed in the empty seat across from him.  The seat where Lucas was sitting, until a few moments ago.

Lucas clears his throat.  Eliott blankly looks up, then does a double take; his eyes widen and a tentative smile graces its way across his lips.

“You’re back?”

Lucas shifts in his stance.  “Yeah.  I was rude.”  He sticks his hands in his pockets, looking decently ashamed.  “Sorry.”

Eliott laughs, and it’s surprising.  “It’s fine.  You came back, so.”

Lucas shrugs awkwardly.  “I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to go now.”

“Okay.  I’ll be here.”

Lucas doesn’t have the energy to laugh.  He’s so exhausted.  But he looks down, and he can’t help the words that blurt from his mouth.  “So could you?”

“Could I what?”

“Ever like me.”

Eliott tilts his head, his gaze rooting Lucas to the spot.  There’s something conflicting in Eliott’s eyes, and Lucas wishes things were different.

“It’s fine,” Lucas whispers, voice catching.  “That was stupid.  I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“I don’t know,” Eliott says.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lucas repeats, determined to forget what he’d just said.

Lucas doesn’t wait for Eliott’s reaction.  He walks out the room again, forcing himself to not look back.  As he clenches the railing of the elevator, he sticks his headphones in and blindly realizes that he’s nodding his head to the beat of soft dubstep, and he quickly tugs the headphones from his ears.  Staring hard at the floor is the only option right now; it’s all he can do to not break down right then and there.

The elevator buttons glow a soft gold, and then the floor number grits from the speaker in a dulcet tone; Lucas walks out as a bell rings and the doors slide open.  His eyes catch on a vase of sunflowers in the waiting room, all morning glory and warm yellow, and Lucas’s ribs ache.

They’re Eliott’s favorite flowers.  And today they’re not just sunflowers.  They’re also warm yellow overtones from before, when Eliott hadn’t been like this.  When the only problem Lucas even associated with him were the countless atrocities committed in the kitchen, like omelettes with fennel and blueberry muffins with bacon -- nothing compared to this.  Eliott would bring sunflowers home from the market, and Lucas swore it was like summer had graced itself all around the apartment and let its dominion encase the small space in a glorious bubble of tranquility.  But like summer, it wouldn’t have lasted.  Lucas should’ve known, Lucas should’ve been smart about it.  

So as Lucas walks back from the hospital and stands numbly at the bus stop, he comes to the realization that everything feels like Eliott, yet Eliott doesn’t feel like anything at all.

[kitauji-king]

‘Liz and the Blue Bird’ Recap Part 1

I recently watched KyoAni’s ‘Liz & the Blue Bird’ for the first time, and I have to say: wow, what a film. This is one of the few times where I finished a film and was left utterly speechless by the end of it. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is my new favorite film. If you’ve ever felt like a movie had to have been made specifically with you in mind because it seemed to hit all the right notes with you emotionally, that’s exactly how I feel about ‘Liz.’ Part of me is wishing I had watched this movie around when it first came out so that I could’ve witnessed all the hype around it. However, I actually do think it was for the best that I waited until now to watch it. I honestly don’t think I would’ve understood it as well as I do now.

I really love this movie, and I really wanna talk about it. So, instead of harassing my friends about it, I’m going to be doing a scene by scene review of ‘Liz’ and share my thoughts. I promise you this is only going to be, like, half-serious. 

This is going to be split into 3 parts uploaded sporadically.

Obviously this post will contain spoilers for the whole film as well as seasons 1 and 2 of Hibike.

Liz and the Blue Bird or Liz to Aoi Tori is an animated film directed by Naoko Yamada, produced by the prolific animation studio known as Kyoto Animation, and was released on April 21, 2018 in Japan, then November 9, 2018 in the US. To talk about Naoko Yamada for a minute, she started off at KyoAni as an assistant animator, doing inbetweens as so many animators do starting out in the industry. Eventually she was allowed to direct, where she has quite the impressive track record. She’s directed K-On!, Tamako Market, Hibike! Euphonium, and probably most notably, A Silent Voice just to name a few things. With that in mind, I’m not surprised why I enjoyed this movie so much. Yamada is known to show a real sensitivity toward depicting the different relationships between young girls in a naturalistic way.

EDIT: I began writing this on Saturday, April 18, just a day or two after I watched the movie for the first time, and I swear I didn’t even process that the two-year anniversary was coming up! What a wacky coincidence.

ACT 1

The first imagery in the film we see are gorgeous, picturesque watercolor-style background paintings.

As the titular track plays, we are introduced to Liz; not the main character of the film, but certainly the main character of the book, also entitled ‘Liz & the Bluebird,’ featured in this film.

The first shot we see of her is a voyeuristic one; we are a good distance away and we are peeking from behind a tree at the intimate moment between Liz and her animal companions.I have to say, I had no idea what to expect when I first sat down to watch this movie, as I wanted to go in as blindly as possible. I certainly hadn’t been expecting to see this German picture book-esque art style with lush forest backgrounds in a Hibike movie, and I honestly thought for a moment that I had accidentally stumbled upon the wrong movie.

Liz spots a bluebird settled on a tree stump and she is immediately attracted to the creature. The bird flies over to Liz and lands in her hands as the music climaxes, but as quickly as it arrives, it flies away across the lake. A bittersweet moment.

As the camera pans downward toward the flowers, the scene fades, and we are finally brought into the real world. This is punctuated by the titular track concluding, and being replaced by music that is more abstract and minimalistic. This world is notably duller with cooler, more subdued colors, directly contrasting with the bright, warm colors in the picture book world.

Shots with the camera focused on feet or legs are a common motif seen throughout this film.

We are finally introduced to one of our main characters, Mizore Yoroizuka, now a third year at Kitauji.

I was also slightly caught off guard seeing this new art style being used. Initially, I missed the art style originally used in the show, but after watching this movie I now understand KyoAni’s decision in changing it up, and I also completely agree with it. Looking back, I believe that the show’s original art style simply would not have worked at all, or at least not as well as it could’ve. This new art style with thinner linework, slightly elongated figures, slightly smaller eyes, and subdued colors makes the characters feel more mature to match the tone of the film. Also, while the old style is ideal for showcasing exaggerated and wacky facial expressions, this style is suited better for more subtle emotion, which, again, better matches the tone.

She waits.

Something I enjoy about KyoAni films is how the camera is oftentimes used to show the audience what a character is seeing through their eyes, instead of the camera just acting as a third person bystander all the time.

We hear more footsteps approaching, but they do not belong to the girl Mizore is waiting for.

This is turning into an episode of the ‘Gushing Over KyoAni Power Hour’ but I have to commend their sound design and the way they utilize silence and quiet moments in this movie. So far in this scene, aside from the very minimal track played over this, all we can hear is the foley of the atmosphere, footsteps, clothes rustling, etc. This quietness shows us the solitude of Mizore’s world. It’s also important to note that all the music, not sure if this includes the music in the picture book world, was recorded in the school that Kitauji is based off of. Regular school items were even being used as instruments!

When the music suddenly picks up as another girl rounds the corner, we know she’s the one.

I like to believe that Mizore is so attuned to Nozomi that she’s memorized the sound of her footsteps and is immediately able to recognize that it's her as soon as she is within ear range.

:’)

Nozomi is in focus while everything else in the shot is out of focus. To Mizore, everything outside of Nozomi is irrelevant.

The two girls continue walking together, Nozomi leading and Mizore following behind. This statement alone accurately summarizes the dynamic between these two characters during the beginning half of the movie. Clearly there’s something of an imbalance. Mizore watches and waits for Nozomi to act before she does anything.

I read somewhere that Mizore’s seiyuu speculated that when Mizore is an adult and she looks back to her time at high school, she’ll find that her only memory of Nozomi will be the back of her head… and that got me… feeling some emotions….

Coincidentally, Nozomi finds the feather of a bluebird on the ground, and offers it to Mizore.

I have my own little theory that Mizore could be on the spectrum. Her habit of running a hand down her hair whenever she appears to be nervous or anxious, amongst her other mannerisms in this film lead me to believe that. I think I’ll elaborate further on that and explain my reasoning in a future post.

Mizore accepts it, but is still unsure of herself. Hence the questioning tone. Clearly Nozomi found the feather to be extremely pretty, but Mizore doesn’t know why she would give it to her of all people. She’s still under the impression that she doesn’t mean as much to Nozomi, as Nozomi means to her.

More shots of Nozomi and Mizore playing follow-the-leader as they walk through the school. Nozomi puts her hand on a locker as she rounds a corner, Mizore also puts her hand on a locker. Nozomi stops for a sip of water, Mizore also stops for a sip of water.

These walk cycles give us good indications as to who these characters are. Mizore is timid and hesitant, Nozomi is carefree and outgoing.

Kitauji has way too many different flights of stairs.

We are flashed back to a memory that mirrors this moment in time. Again, Nozomi walks with a skip in her step, her hips swaying, and her ponytail bouncing playfully.

Mizore puts the key in the door to the band room, but hesitates for a moment before unlocking it. When she does open it, Nozomi enters the room first with a twirl.

I’ve been watching a lot of video essays and reading a lot of discussions about this movie, and one of the points someone brought up really stuck out to me. This whole scene, from when they are walking through the hallways until now, when Mizore opens the door, offers the earliest hint in the movie that Mizore is actually the bluebird in the relationship. While Nozomi is the one ahead of Mizore on their journey, Mizore is the one who holds the keys to their destination. Mizore is the one in charge, but she holds herself back. While Nozomi makes it to the door first, she cannot enter until Mizore opens it.

That’s one of the many things I love about this movie, there are so many nuances that you pick up new things and make new interpretations with every single viewing.

Uh oh.

After putting their instruments together and warming up, in a rare moment, Mizore tells Nozomi how she’s feeling. Mizore is merely happy to have Nozomi at her side, but Nozomi misinterprets this as her being happy about the free-choice piece their band has chosen to play: Liz & the Bluebird. Mizore probably couldn’t care less about the piece, but doesn’t bother correcting her. She is only interested in the piece and the story behind it when she hears that Nozomi is interested in it.

Remember how I said this art style was ideal for showing subtlety in emotions? This is what I was talking about.

In this visually experimental scene, Nozomi explains the story of Liz and the Blue Bird while we also see the story of Nozomi and Mizore’s friendship unfold.

:’)

Sound familiar?

One of the first indications that Nozomi isn’t the best at listening.

Mizore: Same.

Me: Same.

Scenes that physically hurt me #1

A lot of people love to bring up KyoAni whenever the topic of queerbaiting arises; that’s neither here nor there. However, I cannot deny the inherent queerness of this scene, and really of the whole film. It’s made obvious that Mizore loves Nozomi in a way that’s more than just a regular friend. Other people make Mizore anxious, but not Nozomi. Mizore enjoys Nozomi’s presence so much that she wants to lean into her side. For a second, the two of them are frozen in time and in a world of their own. Mizore is forced back into reality when Nozomi abruptly pulls away.

The movement title, “A Decision Borne of Love,” sticks out to Mizore.

Just like their intonation, there is that imbalance in their friendship and this is the film’s way of hinting at that if you haven’t already picked up on it.

Throughout the film, Nozomi is always wearing this pink watch,  showing how eager she is for the future.

To Mizore, the watch on Nozomi’s wrist is just a constant reminder that their time left together is fleeting.

Listen. I absolutely love whenever these two are on screen together. Love-hate relationships can be hit or miss, but this pairing is one of the better ones of that kind. They’re both great characters individually, but they also have amazing chemistry together.

Don’t get it twisted, Mizore is good friends with Yuuko and Natsuki, but them entering the room means that her moment alone with Nozomi has come to an end. Mizore and Nozomi don’t seem to share any classes together, so this is likely the only time of the day where they get to have a moment to just themselves. Mizore cares for Natsuki and Yuuko, in fact Yuuko was the one who stayed by her side after Nozomi originally quit band, but her relationship with Nozomi is a treasure more precious than anything.

I was wondering if we’d be seeing these two in this film, and I’m so glad that they are. I’m more glad, however, that they are pretty much relegated to the background here. They’ve already had their seasons 1 and 2 character arcs wrapped up, now it’s time to give the secondary characters a chance to shine.

I’m also very glad to see these two attached at the hip in almost every scene they’re in.

Nozomi leaves to go rehearse with her kouhais, and Mizore watches yearningly as she is being left alone again.

I’ll probably say this again multiple times throughout this recap, but I seriously identify with Mizore so much. I mean, we’ve all been that girl. We’ve all been paranoid that if given the choice, our friends would pick someone else to hang out with over you.

I admire KyoAni for including these casual moments of characters just chilling and talking about nothing. Of course they don’t add much to the overall plot, but they do contribute to the overall atmosphere of a high school. High school isn’t always about drama, it’s also about random conversations you have with your friends.

Mizore is still thinking about what Nozomi said earlier. In Hibike season 2, we know that for a time Mizore hated competitions until Kitauji won gold in the Kansai competition. I think that now in this movie, Mizore still hates competitions, but for a different reason. The national competition marks the last time the third years will get to play together.  She fears that because they won’t be in the band anymore, Nozomi won’t have any other reason left to stay with Mizore.

As Mizore begins to read, we are brought back into the picture book world that strongly resembles a 1970s anime.

We see Liz again as she emerges from a train. This takes place in an early 20th century European town filled with friendly people, though Liz doesn’t seem to interact with them. 

This world is also giving me Howl’s Moving Castle vibes?

She works at a humble bread bakery owned by a man named Arlt. 

Liz doesn’t look exactly eager to clock out for the day. It’s safe to assume that her shifts at work are the only times where she gets to have any real human interaction. I’m getting the impression that even though she’s introverted, she still gets lonely. Much the same as Mizore. As Liz waves ‘goodbye’ to customers, her face sinks ever so slightly.

After work, Liz returns home to her cottage to prepare a meal for herself, eat it alone, and then retire to her bedroom to sleep. 

In the morning, the same bluebird from earlier appears at Liz’s window and peeks inside the room.

Later in the day, Liz is caught in a storm as she is returning home from another shift at the bakery. After overdosing on berries, Liz wakes up the next morning still at the dining table, after the storm has already passed. She walks out the front door and notices a mysterious blue-haired girl passed out in the grass.

Liz realizes, “oh sh*t, I should do something.”

She’s dead.

After being woken up, the girl immediately recognizes Liz. The girl, who is actually the bluebird personified, reminds me a lot of Ponyo in how she pretty much claims Liz as her person, and quickly forms a bond with her, much like how Ponyo does to Sosuke.

Act 2 of the movie begins and we’re brought back into Mizore’s world. She continues reading the book and smiles to herself.

In rehearsal, the band president Yuuko delivers a message about auditions for participating in the national competition. Mizore is anxious at the mention of the competition again.

The flute girls have already given their senpai a cute nickname, and Mizore is understandably a little jealous. Maybe all of their problems would be resolved if Mizore and Nozomi would just give each other cute nicknames.

She’s literally so adorable??? I think she’d be considered a gyaru in Japanese culture based on the color of her hair and how she has it styled.

After some encouragement from her friends, a first year oboist named Ririka musters up the courage to approach Mizore.

Uh Ririka, birds are a bit of a touchy subject for Mizore right now.

When I watched this for the first time, admittedly I was a bit anxious about what these girls’ intentions were with wanting to invite Mizore to hang out with them. However, my anxieties in regards to that were quickly relieved when I remembered that bullying is just not a concept that exists within the world of Hibike. I’m really glad that this is an anime where most people are at the very least cordial with each other.

F in the chat.

Mizore isn’t ready yet to branch out and meet other people. She’s still tunnel visioned on Nozomi.

After rejecting Ririka, Mizore walks over to Nozomi. Nozomi tells her that she and the flute girls are going out to eat later today. I think that Mizore is unsure about whether this was an invitation for her to join them. Regardless, Mizore doesn’t want to impose seeing that she’d probably feel awkward around a group of people she doesn’t know very well.

Nozomi likes spending time with Mizore, but she’s just too high in demand with her peers.

Mizore puts away her instrument, and then pulls out the bluebird feather Nozomi gave to her this morning. She clutches it close and treasures it as a gift from the person she loves.

Forever screaming at how gorgeous the environment art in this movie is.

On the way out, Mizore runs into Ririka and her double reed friends again. The first years make another attempt at starting a friendship with Mizore, though the third year only spares them a couple words before she departs.

KyoAni is so good at creating such cute, appealing characters.

Ririka is really determined to get to know Mizore, so who better to ask for help from than the Mizore expert herself?

Was she about to call Mizore an ice queen? I thought that was Reina’s title.

Uh, same.

Ririka is worried that she may have gotten off on the wrong foot with Mizore considering she doesn’t seem to be reciprocating. I understand this situation extremely well; I’ve been through it multiple times, although more so from the perspective of Mizore. Mizore and I are quite similar in many areas, including being aloof and taking a good while before feeling comfortable enough to open up with someone. So yeah, I do get the frustration on Ririka’s part.

Nozomi, you literally didn’t actually offer her any advice at all, you clown.

I--

A nice egg in these trying times?

Back in the picture book, Liz has invited the blue girl into her home and is nursing her back to health. Apparently, she makes pretty good soup.

She’s offering the blue girl her home, so she might as well get some free labor out of it.

It’s a particularly windy day, and as the two of them are doing the laundry, a hankerchief gets caught in the breeze. The blue girl attempts to retrieve it but she remembers she’s lost her flight capabilities. She’s a human now, but at the cost of her wings.

Liz takes her to the local Panera Bread she works at. Arlt says... something?

The blue girl discovers she has a taste for human blood.

I’m declaring that these two are very much in love and I will not be taking any feedback at this time. The lighting in this shot is *chef’s kiss*.

The two girls have spent the whole day together, from going to the bakery, picking berries, and having dinner. The blue girl brings a light to Liz’s life that had been previously missing.

Now the duo are having a picnic on the side of a hill. It suddenly dawns on Liz that she actually doesn’t know anything about the girl she has living in her house. The blue girl doesn’t seem to know anything either. She lived a pretty nomadic lifestyle as a bird. However, one thing the blue girl knows for sure is that she came into Liz’s life so that she wouldn’t be alone anymore.

Liz is a pretty reserved individual and the blue girl is more of a free spirit. She fears that someday the blue girl will decide to leave her. So, Liz makes the very simple request that the blue girl should stay by her side forever.

Mizore wants the same thing from her favorite person.

Mizore is interrupted from her reading by an unenthusiastic library assistant telling her that she needs to get out so that she can lock up. I imagine she isn’t quite too fond of Mizore after this movie.

First years really do be getting younger and younger...

Those two are Satsuki and Mirei, two first years who join the bass section in the next Hibike movie, Chikai no Finale. We get a better look at their relationship there.

Mizore: !!!

Oh.

Nozomi explains the famous Minami Middle School ritual known as the “I Love You Hug,” or the “Daisuki no Hagu.” Basically you find a friend, give them a hug, and tell them all the things you love about them. Sounds very, very, gay.

Nozomi’s had her fair share of I Love You Hugs back in the day, but Mizore’s never had a chance to participate in one.

Scenes that physically hurt me #2.

Seeing that Mizore’s never experienced an I Love You Hug, Nozomi offers her one. She opens her arms waiting for her friend to reciprocate. Mizore is completely caught off guard, but she is more than willing to try it. Unfortunately, Mizore is too slow to respond and loses her chance.

Nozomi said “haha, just kidding… unless…”

Nozomi has to leave Mizore behind so she can go to class with Yuuko. Mizore is frozen in place and Natsuki’s creepin’.

Best moment in the entire film.

I literally love Natsuki so much, she’s quickly becoming one of my favorite Hibike characters. My face lights up pretty much every time I see her on screen. She’s definitely the type of girl I’d wanna be friends with in high school.

Mizore would much rather not think about the future at all, and enjoy the time she has left with Nozomi.

And that’s how Natsuki beat Shaq.

It’s time for Mizore to switch into their gym class’s basketball game, but she’s not really feelin’ it. I don’t blame her.

Okay I’m in love.

Being the excellent friend that she is, Natsuki takes one for the team and goes back in to play another round in Mizore’s place.

Nozomi listens in on her flute girls having a gossip sess’. Of course they’re talking about boys because what else do teenage girls have to talk about?

Hanayo Koizumi? When did you transfer to Kitauji?

*side eye emoji*

Mizore is in her usual hideout: the science lab by the blowfish tank. As of late, she’s taken a bit of an interest in feeding the blowfish.

She still hasn’t filled out the career survey; she can’t figure what to do for her future, and I don’t really think she wants to figure it out either.

Mizore still can’t help but see Nozomi as the bluebird. Nozomi is her whole world, she’s her miracle. Ideally, she’d keep Nozomi all to herself, but she already knows that that wouldn’t be fair to her at all.

Through the window, she spots Nozomi on the other side of the school.

Nozomi notices that her flute is casting a dancing light reflection on her friend, and the two make a game of it.

I want nothing but good things for Mizore.

Scenes that physically hurt me #3.

It’s very easy to doubt Nozomi’s love of Mizore and to even call their friendship one-sided, but I don’t agree with that. In fact, we already know that she cares a lot about Mizore based on their arc in season 2 of Hibike. Not only can you see it in the way Nozomi looks at her, it's also clear from small gestures she does in this movie: giving Mizore the bluebird feather she finds, inviting Mizore out (which we’ll see coming up a couple times), offering her an I Love You Hug, and standing up for her when the library assistant nags Mizore about returning the book (again, a bit later on in the film) amongst other things.

The issue is simply that Nozomi is very high in demand. She’s very pretty and talented; it’s only natural for her kouhais to look up to her. So of course Nozomi wants to look after them and form a bond with them. It’s kind of her duty as a third year. Yuuko had Kaori to look up to, and Kumiko had Asuka. As a matter of fact, Ririka is trying to get Mizore to do the same for her. And yeah, Nozomi is also a bit dense. But hey, no one’s perfect.

The kids are back in rehearsal and are admittedly a little stressed about the upcoming auditions. One thing they know for certain, though, is that Nozomi is most definitely going to be given the flute solo in Liz.

“Ganbarou!”

Nozomi catches a glance at Mizore doing her warm up. She tells her friend to do her best in the audition. She also has no doubt that Mizore will do well and get the oboe solo.

The title track is playing again, meaning we’re back in the fairy tale. The blue girl is enchanted by the moon and the night sky.

:’)

The blue girl is happy to be living with Liz, but she also loves her freedom. In the middle of the night while Liz is still asleep, the blue girl sneaks off and flies out the window.

Liz wakes up and finds her companion is missing.

Not much later, the blue girl returns from her night out at god-knows-where with god-knows-who, and climbs back in bed, relieved that Liz still seems to be asleep.

But she wasn’t.

Don’t make a Game of Thrones reference, don’t make a Game of Thrones reference, don’t make a Game of Thrones reference, don’t make a Game of Thrones ref--

You mean humans don’t go south for the winter?

Where the blue girl realizes that she can go anywhere she chooses, while Liz chooses to stay grounded. I’m wondering, why does Liz choose to stay isolated at her cottage? She works in the city, and surely she could move there to save herself the commute? I’m guessing it’s that although she does appreciate interpersonal companionship, she’s still largely an introvert, preferring to spend time in nature.

Jesus Christ, you guys need a marriage counselor.

The blue girl sneaks back in again in the morning. 

While the two of them are feeding the animals, they both see a couple of birds flying in the sky above them, as if taunting them. The blue girl wants to be with them, though she stays grounded for Liz’s sake. She made a promise to stay with her forever, after all and she intended to keep that promise. During the daytime, at least.

At this point in the story, Liz realizes that a sacrifice is going to have to be made.

Part 2

Part 3

[gold-from-straw]

Divergence - ch10

I've been planning to add the second half of this chapter for a long time (only just managed it now, hence the late upload lol! it's still officially Friday where I am!) But a conversation with @interplanetarygirl really helped to get me into Francis' mindset for the realisation he has (similar to Charles' realisation about his own past a couple of chapters ago) so THANK YOU!! 

Read from the beginning on Ao3 if you like!

“Good!” said Erik. “Twenty more.”

Francis slumped, breathless, and Erik tugged him up sharply by the eyelets on his boxing gloves. “You need stamina,” Erik said. His voice was sharp and hard, but Francis could feel the steady hum of affection underneath that made Francis feel safe, the way he never had even with the honeyed words of Father’s friends and colleagues.

He was also devastatingly attractive for an older man. Francis set his teeth and threw punch after punch at the bag until it swayed and jerked.

“Well done,” Erik said, when he’d counted down from twenty. He beckoned and started unlacing Francis’ gloves. “Flex your hands. Fine. Looks good. Go and have a shower and tell me if they start hurting or anything - you want to get stronger, not damage yourself. Tomorrow we’ll do some more on reactions and sparring.”

The sense of satisfaction and pride from Erik that Francis was basking in suddenly flared into something almost overwhelming, bone-deep and infinite, when Erik looked past Francis to the doorway. There was nothing more than a faint smile to betray the love pouring off him.

“Charles,” said Erik. “Finally decided to take me up on my offer of training, have you?”

Charles smiled. “Only if you’re prepared to be beaten at your own game.”

Erik laughed and threw Francis’ gloves at Charles and walked towards him. Francis was all but forgotten as Erik started to lace Charles up.

Charles had much better shields than Erik, of course. But even so, as Erik brushed his thumbs over Charles’ wrist, Francis caught the blast of emotion from Charles, a flash of intense love, a connection that bound the two men together.

Francis turned away, half envious, half embarrassed. He wondered, for the first time, about the Erik Lehnsherr back in his own universe, whether it was possibly for someone to love him as much as this Erik and Charles loved each other.

He was lost in thought on the walk back, so almost didn’t notice Arthur. “Hi, Francis,” he said quietly.

Francis jumped and blinked at his younger self, sitting like a pixie on a stone window seat. “Hi,” he said cautiously. “Are you OK?”

Arthur nodded, his chin still pressed against his knees.

Francis licked his lips. He had no idea how to deal with children, but he could feel the vague, cautious tendrils leaking out from the little boy. “Did Charles block your telepathy off?” he asked.

Arthur nodded. “He’s been teaching me how to build my shields myself, but I’m not good enough to do it on my own yet.” He looked down, twisting his lips.

“Well, that’s OK,” Francis said quickly. He had a sudden vivid memory of sitting outside his father’s room for hours, kicking his heels and singing quietly, hoping for even the smallest scrap of attention. “Hey… I’ve got to have a shower, but do you want to do some drawing afterwards, or something?”

“Really?” said Arthur, hope sparkling through his emotions.

“Sure,” Francis smiled. “Come on, you can wait in my room until I’m ready.”

Arthur scrambled down from his perch and practically skipped along beside Francis. He smiled down at him, amused and suddenly quite aware that he was feeling the same warmth he got when Raven asked him a question, or followed him, or flopped onto the seat next to him and snuggled up.

Raven, he thought, the warmth fading. What would she be doing right now? What would she do without him there?

Not that Raven couldn’t take care of herself – she’d been doing so for years before he met her, but she shouldn’t have to! That was the point! Francis loved looking after her… if he was honest with himself, it gave him purpose, and now…

He glanced down at Arthur, who smiled up at him, open and hopeful and still trusting. That trust hadn’t quite been beaten out of him yet.

But it wouldn’t be this time, would it? He was surrounded by people who actually cared about him, and who wanted to look after him.

He closed the bathroom door behind him, leaving Arthur in his room, and poked at the fading bruises on his ribs. All these people… they wanted to look after Francis, too, he could tell even without reading their minds. But it didn’t feel right when he imagined himself coddled and cared for and protected – that was his job. He was the protector. He was the one who took the punches and worked out how to hide Raven’s mutation and what lies to tell to people who asked too many questions or pushed himself to get the data his father had wanted.

He wasn’t a kid any more, after all, not like Arthur.

But then… he wasn’t an adult either, not like Charles.

He showered quickly, trying not to think of Raven and the life he’d left behind. Did he want to go back there, getting punched every time he moved wrong, every time he said something annoying? Of course not! But… wasn’t it the right thing to do?

He didn’t have the answer by the time he came out of the steaming bathroom, drying his hair roughly on a towel. Arthur was sitting on the very edge of his bed, completely still and formal, and Francis stopped, his throat suddenly aching. He remembered doing the same in his mother’s room, hoping that maybe this time he’d be good enough and neat enough and perfect and well-behaved enough to gain her affection – even just her attention.

He pushed it away, folded it up in a box like those he’d glimpsed from time to time in Erik’s mind. Put it aside and didn’t let himself think too hard as he walked over to Arthur and ruffled his hair. “What do you want to draw first, then?”

Arthur’s face split into a brilliant smile. “I’ve been thinking about that! I want to draw everyone. I want to draw you and me and Charles first, and then Erik and Moira and Alex. And Sean and me together making tacos! And Raven and Hank and then maybe I’ll draw another picture of Alex shooting those lights out of his chest and you fighting with Erik.”

He sucked in a breath suddenly, as if he’d forgotten that was a thing a person has to do in between sentences, and Francis laughed. “Well, we’d better get busy then, hadn’t we? I’m afraid I don’t have any colours, but there’s plenty of paper in a drawer over here, and pens and pencils too. Why don’t you get started while I get dressed?”

Arthur nodded and slipped off the bed, finding his supplies and kneeling on the chair to get a good view of his paper as he bent over it and started to draw big circle heads. Francis took his pieces of paper over to the window seat and crossed his legs, propping the paper on a textbook he’d found gathering dust under the bed.

“Francis,” said Arthur, still looking at his drawing. “Do you remember being me?”

Francis put his doodle to one side and leaned back. “Yes, I suppose. Some parts of it more than others, of course, but yes.”

“So I’m really going to turn into you?”

Francis considered this for a moment. “Partly? But remember you’re in a different world now. You’ll grow up differently – our timelines have diverged, I suppose.”

Arthur bit his lip and hesitated, then put his pen down. He still didn’t look at Francis. “Can you tell me…”

Francis waited a moment, but Arthur seemed to be struggling for words. “What’s on your mind?” he asked. “Would you like me to look?”

He slumped slightly and nodded. “Yes please.”

Francis lifted his fingertips to his temple and slipped into Arthur’s thoughts much easier than any other mind he’d ever been into. It was still like flowing downstream, like two water droplets merging, though now he had to move a little more deliberately, take a certain path, since Charles had built walls around him to block out noise.

He saw himself in Arthur’s mind, his eye swollen shut like it had been the day they both arrived, and arranged around him in every direction was every fear Arthur had about it, ever possible way he thought Francis had misbehaved to earn the punch.

“You want to avoid being hurt,” Francis said, and swallowed hard.

Arthur nodded and bit his lip. “Please?”

He laughed dryly. “I’m not very good at it, as you can tell.” Arthur’s face dropped, and Francis frowned, hurrying to reassure him. “But I’m sure you’ll be fine here – none of them seem the type to hit a child.”

“Yes, but I’ll be grown up soon, and then if I do something wrong they might hit me too. What did you do to get hit?”

Francis thought back and tried to stop himself flinching from the memories. “This time… I can’t quite… oh yes! I’d worn a hole in one of my shoes, that was it.”

Arthur cocked his head. “Don’t you have much money anymore?”

“No, it’s not like that, it’s… well, Kurt Marko – he’s the man who married Mother after Father died – he’s…” A bastard. “He doesn’t like spending money on me. He says I waste it.” He snorted to himself. He knew very well what Marko thought good use of the money would be. He also knew how frustrated he was that Francis’ mother wasn’t hurrying up and dying of liver failure from all the drinking. Francis stared out of the window, his mood darkening.

“So… I shouldn’t ask for things, and then I’ll be safe?”

Francis frowned and turned back to Arthur, swinging his feet down off the seat and leaning forward. “No, that’s not…”

He had a thought in that moment, a mental image of Kurt grabbing Arthur and throwing him into the wall. Only it wasn’t just a thought, it was a memory. Francis had only been eight, still grieving his father, still hoping that this new man in his life would care for him in some way, and Kurt had picked him up by his arm and thrown him. He couldn't even remember why.

Francis saw that happening to Arthur.

“Listen,” he said, holding Arthur’s gaze very seriously. “Anyone who hits you is wrong and bad. They don’t do it for any good reason, there’s nothing you can do or change about yourself that will keep you safe because it’s not your fault, you hear? It’s them. It’s anyone who wants to hurt you.”

“But…”

“You’ve got to let Charles take care of you. And Erik, and Sean and… probably everyone in this house, I think. But you have to hold onto that, Arthur. Anyone who hurts you is doing something very bad.”

Arthur nodded his head, uncertainty clear in his mind and his body language. Francis sighed and walked over to him, holding out his arms for a hug. Arthur snuggled in, his head just up to Francis’ ribs.

He’d been that small once. He’d wondered what he’d done wrong, and it had never been him at all.

For the first time, Francis considered going back to his own universe angry.

Tagging everyone who interacted with the last chapter! (also the permanent tag list of @insertmeaningfulusername, @mathmusicreading and @kungpao-giffy!) @vivavelle, @gerec, @kernezelda, @xcziel, @thechaoticwave, @paramecie, @goneadrift, @hufflehappenings, @kyotoagnes, @these-maginot-lines, @lyricfulloflight, @librodice, @unspokenhatred, @fullmetalcarer, @fxngsfogxarty (I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your message!! Thank you so much!!), @bugy-boo, @tteabea, @mnemo-ink, @deathzpells, @azulso, @dorianpink, @rainbow-door, @ketchavies-thoorrrr666, @kaeden4, @mykarush, @auri-moon, @thepaintingsafake, @ikeracity, @youurelovely, @pahisluuseri, @iwillshipyouman, @pumpkinspicedshane, @i-have-drowned-in-books