#helps to see others' perspectives when we're stuck thinking one way too

[nexus-nebulae]

taryn really did a perfect job picking out our new system notebook we've actually been on a solid 15-DAY STREAK of using that thing. when our previous record was FOUR. taryn you're magical

[maypiles]

Next pac on self love or growth ?? 👀

Ooooh, now this is a vibe I’m all about 😌✨ Let’s see what Spirit has to say for your self-love and growth! I’ve got the perfect energy coming through to help guide you on this. 🧘‍♀️🌱 Stay tuned for some fiery truths and some soothing affirmations, because we’re going deep on this journey of self-love! 🔮💖

Pick a Pile: What Do You Need to Focus on for Your Self-love and Growth at This Time?🌱🌼💕

❗ This is a collective reading so take what resonates and leave what does not❗

Pile 1: "The Only One Who Needed Saving"♥️📿

Pile 1, your word is Illumination. This is about shedding light on your shadows, uncovering the truths you've been avoiding, and realizing that you can't keep running from the parts of yourself that need healing. Spirit is asking you to confront and illuminate the corners of your heart and mind that have been in darkness for too long. This is your time to face it, to rise, and to grow.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 1 for my collective, or for whoever is meant to cross paths with this reading and resonate deeply with it. The question we're diving into today is: what does my collective need to know for Pile 1 to focus on their self-love and growth at this time?

And let me tell you, Spirit did not hold back.

The cards are the Moon, Page of Swords, Eight of Swords, Four of Swords Reversed, Seven of Swords, Strength, the Hanged Man, Ten of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, Seven of Cups, Nine of Pentacles Reversed, Knight of Cups, Justice Reversed, Death Reversed, Page of Pentacles, Eight of Swords Reversed, Two of Wands, Nine of Cups, Eight of Wands, the Hermit Reversed, Three of Cups Reversed, Two of Cups Reversed, Queen of Wands Reversed.

At the bottom: Judgment.

Split the deck: The World, the Fool Reversed, Ace of Wands, Ten of Swords.

And let’s not even get into how Rihanna's "Stay" kept playing in my head. That specific line: “I’m the only one who needed saving.” Baby, this pile is screaming at me with savior syndrome vibes. It feels like you’re trying so hard to rescue others, but here’s the catch—you’re the one who’s drowning.

Energy Check: The Tarantula

Before we even break down these cards, let’s talk about the energy I channeled for this pile: the tarantula. This fiery, primal creature represents a crossroads. You’re at a point in your life where you need to make a crucial decision: keep running, or finally confront what you’ve been avoiding. The tarantula doesn’t rush—it pauses, listens, and makes its move when the time is right. But, darling, time is ticking, and you can’t stay stuck at this crossroads forever.

The Core Message:

Pile 1, the story here is one of resistance. The Moon paired with the Page of Swords and Eight of Swords tells me there’s a fog in your life—an uncertainty that you keep poking at but refuse to fully face. You’re trapped in your own mental labyrinth (Eight of Swords), and the Four of Swords reversed shows you’re restless. You know something needs to change, but instead of taking the leap, you’re clinging to avoidance tactics (Seven of Swords).

Here’s the tea: you’ve got Strength and the Hanged Man here, which is Spirit’s way of saying, “You’re stronger than you think, but it’s time to shift your perspective.” You’re being called to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you.

The Ten of Cups and Knight of Pentacles show potential for emotional fulfillment and stability, but it’s slow-moving. Why? Because the Seven of Cups and Nine of Pentacles reversed suggest you’re overwhelmed by choices, doubts, and insecurities. You’re spreading yourself thin, chasing after too many things at once, or holding onto situations that are draining your energy.

The Savior Complex:

Justice reversed and Death reversed? Baby, you’re resisting the scales tipping and the transformation that comes with it. You’re out here trying to “fix” or “save” others, pouring your cup into everyone else’s, but who’s filling yours? The Page of Pentacles and Eight of Swords reversed suggest a fresh start is possible, but only if you decide to step out of your mental cage.

Spirit is asking you to pause and ask yourself:

Why am I so focused on saving others?

What am I avoiding in my own life?

What part of myself am I neglecting?

The Shift:

The Two of Wands and Nine of Cups show that you have the power to manifest your desires, but only if you stop running from your shadows. The Eight of Wands tells me that when you do finally face your fears, things will start moving fast. But until then? The Hermit reversed, Three of Cups reversed, and Two of Cups reversed show a sense of isolation. You might feel disconnected from yourself and others, but this is a sign to reconnect with your inner Queen of Wands energy. (Though she’s reversed right now, honey—she’s there, waiting to shine again.)

Judgment, The World, and The Fool Reversed

The underlying theme here is a wake-up call. Judgment is asking you to reflect and rise. The World says you’re nearing the end of a cycle, but The Fool reversed warns against taking shortcuts. You can’t skip the work, darling. Self-love and growth require patience, effort, and honesty.

Closing Message:

Pile 1, Spirit is asking you to step into your power. You’ve been running for too long, trying to save everyone but yourself. It’s time to pause, face your shadows, and let the tarantula guide you towards alignment. You’re stronger than you think, and once you confront the truth, you’ll unlock a new chapter filled with growth, abundance, and peace.

And remember, as Rihanna said: “I’m the only one who needed saving.”

Take that as your mantra, baby. It's time to save yourself.

Pile 2: "The Reason to Hold On" 🎀🪞

Pile 2, your word is Grounding. Spirit is calling you to center yourself and get back to the basics—your foundation, your values, and your heart’s desires. You're holding on to something that might not be serving you anymore, and it’s time to evaluate why. By grounding yourself, you'll find clarity and the strength to move forward, step by step, toward what truly fulfills you.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 2 for my collective, or for whoever is meant to cross paths with this reading and resonate deeply. Let me preface this by saying: this message isn’t necessarily what you want to hear, but Spirit says it’s what you need to hear.

The Cards Speak:

The cards here: Three of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Page of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, Four of Cups, The Hierophant, Three of Cups, Ace of Pentacles Reversed, Five of Cups Reversed, Five of Wands, Queen of Cups, The Star, The Moon Reversed, King of Pentacles, Three of Swords Reversed, The Hanged Man Reversed, Seven of Wands Reversed, Knight of Wands, Justice, Knight of Cups Reversed, Nine of Cups, The Devil Reversed, King of Wands Reversed, Eight of Cups Reversed, Seven of Pentacles Reversed, Seven of Cups, Ace of Cups, Two of Pentacles Reversed.

Bottom of the deck: Nine of Pentacles Reversed.

Split the deck: Ten of Pentacles, Ten of Wands Reversed, Four of Pentacles.

Energy Check: The Fox

The energy of this pile is represented by the Fox from the Wild Unknown Oracle. The fox is cunning, observant, and intelligent, but in this context, there’s something about its watchfulness that stands out. It’s as though you’re waiting, watching, holding onto something that feels like the only thread tethering you to stability or purpose. There’s this overwhelming sense of “the only reason to hold on,” as if your grasp is fixed on something that simultaneously grounds you and weighs you down.

The Core Message:

Pile 2, you’re holding on to something—whether it’s a relationship, a dream, a belief system, or even a version of yourself—that no longer serves you in the way it once did. The Three of Pentacles and Four of Wands suggest that this thing did bring you joy and stability at one point. It gave you a sense of belonging, a reason to celebrate. But as we move into the Four of Cups, we see dissatisfaction creeping in.

You’re in this limbo, caught between nostalgia for what was and the fear of letting go. The Hierophant indicates you’ve built structures or traditions around this thing, making it even harder to release. But here’s the truth, darling: just because something was good for you doesn’t mean it still is.

The reversed Ace of Pentacles and Seven of Pentacles reversed show stagnation. You’re planting seeds in soil that no longer nurtures growth. The Five of Wands and Five of Cups reversed suggest inner conflict and a desire to move on from pain, but there’s hesitation.

Why Are You Holding On?

The Devil reversed paired with Eight of Cups reversed shows you know this thing is no longer healthy for you. You’ve done some of the work to untangle yourself from it, but you haven’t fully walked away. The reversed King of Wands and Knight of Cups show a lack of confidence or direction. You’re holding on because you think letting go will leave you empty.

But Spirit says, “Letting go doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means making space for something new.”

The Shift:

The Star, Justice, and Ace of Cups show that healing and emotional renewal are on the horizon—but only if you release the burden you’re carrying (Ten of Wands reversed) and open your heart to possibilities you can’t yet see. The Knight of Pentacles urges you to take small, deliberate steps. You don’t have to figure it all out at once.

The Bottom Line:

The reversed Nine of Pentacles suggests a fear of independence or self-reliance. You may feel like you’re not ready to stand on your own, but Spirit is reminding you of your strength. The Ten of Pentacles shows that true stability and abundance await you, but you have to loosen your grip on what’s no longer working (Four of Pentacles).

Closing Message:

Pile 2, you’re being asked to trust the process. The fox watches, observes, and waits for the perfect moment to act. But the time to act is approaching. Spirit is saying, “Let go of what no longer serves you, even if it scares you. Trust that what’s meant for you will find its way.”

And remember, you’re not losing anything. You’re making room for everything.

Pile 3: "What Do You Need to Close the Cycle?"🍒💄

Pile 3, your word is Transformation. Change is in the air, and it’s asking for your participation. Spirit is nudging you to close out cycles, do the work, and step into the next chapter of your journey. This isn’t a time to fear change but to embrace it as a necessary step toward your personal evolution. Trust the process—it’s all leading to your highest good.

P.S: this collective could be bloggers, content creators, use TikTok a lot, could be watching tarot readings on TikTok as well, a tarot reader called Chen could be significant. Also, they could be doing a lot of shadow work, there's something to do with beauty for this collective, either a business or something. Some of the collective could be ruled by Venus.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 3 for my collective, or for those who are about to cross paths with this reading. Spirit says this message is for someone who needs to focus on their self-love and growth, but here’s the twist: you’re being asked to DO something. This isn’t passive reflection; this is about action, movement, and embracing change.

The Cards Speak:

The cards for this pile: The Empress, Four of Pentacles reversed, The Hermit, Ten of Cups reversed, The Tower, Two of Pentacles, Queen of Swords reversed, The Sun reversed, Five of Cups, Five of Pentacles, Two of Wands, Ace of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, The Moon, Four of Cups, Six of Cups, Nine of Swords, Four of Wands, Knight of Pentacles reversed, The Fool, Eight of Cups reversed, The World, High Priestess reversed, The World reversed, Eight of Swords reversed, Ten of Swords, Ten of Pentacles, King of Cups reversed, Page of Pentacles, Four of Swords reversed, Strength, Knight of Cups reversed, King of Pentacles.

Bottom of the deck: Eight of Pentacles.

Split the deck: Justice, Six of Swords reversed, Three of Pentacles.

Energy Check: The Elk

The energy of this pile is represented by the Elk from the Wild Unknown Oracle. The elk symbolizes groundedness, strength, and perseverance. There’s a strong earth energy here (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn vibes), and with the number 555 appearing prominently, Spirit is screaming change. You’re on the cusp of a transformation, but it’s going to take effort, focus, and an open mind.

The Core Message:

Pile 3, you’re being called to close a cycle. This isn’t a gentle nudge—it’s a push, a wake-up call. The Tower and Ten of Swords don’t mince words: something in your life is no longer sustainable. It’s time to let go, to rebuild, to transform.

But here’s the thing: you’re holding back. The reversed Eight of Cups shows reluctance to leave behind what’s familiar, even if it’s painful. The reversed World confirms this cycle isn’t closing because you’re clinging to it. Spirit says, “It’s time to stop procrastinating.”

What’s Holding You Back?

The reversed Queen of Swords and Sun suggest confusion and lack of clarity. You might feel lost, like you don’t know which way to turn. The Five of Cups and Five of Pentacles show grief, loss, and feelings of abandonment. But darling, you can’t build a new foundation if you’re standing in the rubble of the old one.

There’s a fear of stepping into the unknown (The Fool), a fear of leaving behind comfort and stability (Four of Pentacles reversed). The reversed Knight of Pentacles shows hesitation, a reluctance to take those first steps.

What Do You Need to Do?

Shadow Work: The presence of The Moon and the word “shadow” coming through loud and clear means you need to confront your fears, insecurities, and patterns. What are you avoiding? What are you afraid to face?

Close the Cycle: The reversed World and the question, “What do they need to close this cycle?” indicate unfinished business. The Ace of Swords suggests clarity and truth are key. Be honest with yourself about what needs to end.

Embrace Change: The number 555 is all about transformation. The reversed Six of Swords shows resistance to moving forward. Spirit says, “You can’t grow if you stay where you are.”

Step Into Your Power: The Empress and Queen of Pentacles show you have the potential for abundance, beauty, and stability. But you need to believe in yourself. The reversed High Priestess suggests you’re not trusting your intuition.

Work on Your Goals: The Eight of Pentacles and Three of Pentacles show the importance of effort and collaboration. Whether it’s personal growth, career, or relationships, put in the work.

The Shift:

Once you take action, the Ten of Pentacles and Strength show that long-term success and stability are within reach. The reversed Knight of Cups suggests it’s time to focus on practical, grounded action rather than chasing fleeting emotions or distractions.

Closing Message:

Pile 3, Spirit says: “You are stronger than you think. Stop doubting yourself, stop delaying the inevitable, and take that first step. The cycle won’t close itself—you have to do the work. But once you do, you’ll find freedom, clarity, and a sense of purpose like never before.”

P.S: Spirit really isn’t playing with you today! Seeing 15:55 as exactly as I'm writing this part is a powerful confirmation. The number 555 is all about transformation, major changes, and growth, and it ties perfectly with the energy of Pile 3.

This is your nudge from the universe that you’re aligned with the message. Whatever you’re holding onto, it’s time to release it. Big shifts are coming your way, and they’re leading you toward something better, more fulfilling, and more aligned with your higher self.

Take it as a sign: the change you’ve been resisting is the change you need.

All right, loves, I feel like Spirit really came through with some powerful messages for all three piles. And listen, I know some of you might be side-eyeing me, thinking, 'What kind of cosmic call-out is this?' But trust me when I say, Spirit doesn’t whisper when you need to hear the truth—it SHOUTS. Whether it’s shadow work, releasing what no longer serves, or embracing the change that’s been knocking at your door, this reading is your invitation to level up. No more hiding, no more resisting—this is about stepping into your power, facing those shadows, and letting your inner light do the talking. And remember, self-love isn’t just bubble baths and affirmations; it’s about confronting what’s uncomfortable, healing, and showing up for yourself in ways you never have before. So take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and, as always, stay bold, stay growing, and stay you.

Alright, babes, let’s do a poll because we love options. Spirit's been loud today, but I’m curious—what are we focusing on next? Y’all know the vibe. Let’s keep it spicy and soul-shaking, shall we?

Let me know which one has you screaming 'That’s the one!' Voting closes whenever Spirit says so (lol I mean Tumblr says one week so...). May the best vibe win!

[sleepyhanniee]

MY CANDY LOVE NEW GEN EP. 7 (Headcanon)

Headcanon based of the synopsis of the next episode of mcl new gen (pic below to know the context).

We are gonna ask our crush to help us to get the apartment (I didn't know we had such salary to buy one in the first place lmao).

In my case, I'll choose Thomas (my route) and I thought it would kinda funny we get all lovely-dovey and touchy with him infront of the real state agents to fool them into thinking we're a couple (yes we are).

I think he will lend us grab his hand and viceversa like the episode 6!

I made this based on the previous interactions we had together and the mutual understanding we have with him 👀.

By the way, I want to introduce my Newcrette, Dahlia! 🥳

▪︎For more context of my headcanon:

It's almost time to end their little love complot and Dahlia's getting more and more nervous about this performance. She doesn't know if it's because they are "fooling" real state agents, Thomas capacity to stay calm the whole time or the sudden physical contact he gave her from time to time.

Of course the agents noticed a weird behavior coming from Dahlia so when they ask them if they're truly a couple looking for a apartment to live together Dahlia didn't think too much and grab Thomas by the collar of his t-shirt.

Both of them caught by surprise, even Dahlia is shocked by her own actions and now they're looking at each other, exploring their face features (thanks to the perspective, they look like they're kissing hehe).

It was only a few seconds but to Thomas and Dahlia it seemed like the time has stopped. Sadly, got interrupted by one of the agents. Dahlia and Thomas came out of the trance they were in and turn to look at them, with their faces still stuck together.

Dahlia: "we are so in love, right Thomas?"

Thomas: "yeah..."

Yeah guys, we can see that 🧍‍♀️

It was fun drawing and writing this little headcanon, so I hope whoever find and take their time to read this post, has enjoyed it as well! 🫂💜

[lipstickchainsaw]

I'm about to start Act 3 in my rewatch of Arcane before the new season comes out, so this is as good a time as any to share my thoughts on how each of the characters in Arcane represent sociological forces.

This post is going to be long, so this post will be about Piltover:

Let's start with Marcus, who very much represents the 'Us vs. Them' mentality topside. A group of people who feel the enforcers didn't do enough to stamp out the criminal element during the uprising, and is left with a lot of resentment and insecurity about why that didn't happen.

But when they do try for that, they very quickly find out that the consequences are horrific, and now they have blood on their hands, and they're in power while their more experienced superiors have been removed from the equation, so they're floundering, facing pressure on every side, and reacting with more violence that doesn't resolve anything and just further increases the unrest.

(Until they get blown up by Jinx' long-repressed pain that they played a part in encouraging, but we'll get to that.)

Marcus doesn't really have a characteristic weapon, but if he did, it'd be a shovel, not just because this is the guy who found a hole and kept digging, but also because he discovered that this hole ended up being his grave, first metaphorically, and then literally.

Grayson, by contrast, represents the people who were there during that conflict, who fought in it and saw how monstrous things got. She's the boots on the ground, though, not the political class, so she didn't just see the results, she saw what it took to get there, and she's not eager to get there again. She's the part that maintains the divide, sure, but with a handshake right over the line. Willing to let things be and look the other way if it helps keep the peace.

But that peace is lopsided, and there is still a lot of unrest brewing under the surface, so when the peace breaks she's the first to go, caught entirely off guard by the ambition and anger still brewing in the Undercity.

Moving up that chain, we get Jayce, the well-off (but not ridiculously rich) upper class whose self-image insists that they are regular working class, and them 'making it' proves anyone can. The one who's grown up with surprising privilege he is not aware of, and who sees the world as remarkably simple, and the only reason problems still exist is because either the elite don't really care to solve them, or they're just not smart enough and Jayce's class would cut the knots that need cutting!

This insistence that things are actually pretty simple, that everything is just a nail to hammer down, is what allows him to be manipulated and taken for a ride by anyone actually savvy, but the power he ends up with still allows him to do a lot of damage (and makes people want to manipulate him).

But he's so stuck in his own head, and thinking he's fairly average and normal (and just smart and charismatic, instead of privileged), that he can't see other perspectives as reasonable.

But unlike the Marcuses of Piltover, the Jayce class started off genuinely meaning well. Their view of the uprising was a kind of beneficent condescension, as they were a step removed from the actual pain involved, so they likely went 'oh those poor people, driven to something like this by their poor lot in life (and not because we're actively exploiting them), clearly we should help them'.

And then when the help he's decided the Undercity needs doesn't work, because he never bothered asking them what they wanted or needed, he's confused and upset and, uh, kind of overreacts.

Going up one level more, you end up with Caitlyn. Caitlyn is the new upper class, who knows of the uprising only because of her mother's stories (and maybe because her mother was a bit more stressed for a couple of weeks when she was six), but otherwise the whole thing is too far removed from her personal experience it doesn't even register. She has seen just enough from the Graysons of the world to see that as a more honest way of living life than what her mother does, and so she decides to slum it, insisting she should be treated just as everyone else, unaware of how her class privilege affects any of those interactions as well.

Seeing it as a more honest living, as a goal to target with a single-minded focus, does lead her to approach the problem with a bit more understanding, allows her to actually see the Undercity and its many aspects, but even then, she's still coming from above, and her family is still responsible for much of that suffering, and when that check comes home, her appreciation for those nuances doesn't exactly survive.

Now, I said Jayces think the only reason things aren't better is because the Mels and Cassandras don't particularly care about solving those problems, and, uh.

They really don't.

The actual rulers of Piltover remember the uprising as this annoying item on the itinerary they had to deal with for a couple of weeks years ago, and they've passed responsibility to keep that from happening again off to the Graysons, so they can focus on the things they do care about: Getting richer and more influential within the council.

And while yes, Mel may be the more progressive rebel of her family, but in Piltover, what she wants is to not be the least of the Medarda's, and if that means turning Piltover into a scientific powerhouse, that's the way to do it!

The Undercity doesn't even register to her, and it doesn't for Cassandra either, as Caitlyn accuses her of, later (and I'm sure that's an argument that's happened in a ton of places).

Now, it's true that both of them eventually vote for peace, but that's because of their emotional connection to the Jayces and Caitlyns.

After all, the thing that makes Mel work is that she's been aimlessly building up political and economic capital, until she catches feelings for Jayce and starts to look at how to spend that capital, only its filtered through the lens of Jayce's own biases, because she doesn't have alternate lenses into the whole problem.

They've spent so long not giving a shit about anything other than their own status within the game the Establishment created for them, that when they finally do act, they are forced to do so without actually grasping it.

And that is, of course, the fault of the Establishment itself, the embodiment of Piltover as an entity: Heimerdinger.

Because Heimerdinger is an institution. Yes, he is the head of the council, but in a sense, he is the institution that underlies that council as well.

And like every other institution, he's slow to change. He completed his mission, achieved his goals, and has been enjoying the fruits of that labour for a good hundred years. He thinks he's done, and so he's stopped paying attention, at least in a structural sense, to the point where he isn't even playing the game the other council members are.

He's assured himself he is the board, and that everything is basically fine. The uprising was probably just a brief flash of something with little consequence to him. It was contained, so it's no motivation for institutional change.

And so he doesn't realise how bad things have gotten, how much the foundations of his grand city of progress have rotten and crumbled until Jayce (via Mel) kicks him out to form a new Establishment, and he finally has to think about what the fuck is actually happening.

It's in part a result of his long lifespan, and that sudden change is the one thing he's most afraid of, because what if the change goes bad?

The problem is, of course, that the change will happen regardless, and he's just neglecting to be part of it.

But hey, he does manage to be out of office when the result of his neglect actually blows up.

Good for him.

Speaking of his neglect, as we've gone up, we most also go down!

Viktor is, technically, the Undercity resident who's made it! He got out of the Undercity, and became the assistant of the Dean of the Academy, one of the highest aspirations possible!

But of course the Undercity hasn't left him. Literally in the sense of the degenerative illness, of course, but metaphorically in that, uh, nobody gave him the respect he deserved, unless he outright clawed for it.

Like, what the fuck is this guy doing as Heimerdinger's assistant? If this guy got the resources that Jayce got from Cassandra, imagine where he'd be?

But no, he has to work twice as hard to get half as far, and, unfortunately, he soon learns there's no point in asking other people for help, because they'll just tell him 'no', anyway. He'll still have to go at it himself, and he now realises he doesn't fit in the Undercity anymore either.

He has only himself, and like everyone in that position, uh, he quickly burns out. In this case, the tragedy is that he doesn't realise he does have someone next to him who he could reach out for help, and who won't go 'you're dying? That sucks buddy, but such is life!'

And instead of noticing that, in his burnout, he ruins that, too.

And as much as a lucky Viktor might partner with the Jayces of the world, he won't get the credit, and the Jayces of the world quickly get the kind of accolades that draw them away from the original work, and from helping Viktor with, you know, the whole dying thing, and the businessman beats the scientist regardless.

And we see this happen despite the good intentions of everyone involved, which is what makes this a sociological, institutional pattern.

Going the other way, however, is Singed, whose role as a disgraced scientist who clearly crossed a number of moral lines makes for an interesting commentary on both Heimerdinger's tenure, and Silco's proclivities, because he found a refuge in the Undercity, that was more willing to accept the many lines he crossed.

In part because they hardly have the luxury to turn him away. Silco's entire plan hinges on Singed's shimmer, so he gets to be a powerbroker there, too. Thriving as Silco lets him poison everything down there.

[raptorladylover6969]

ok so here's my oc's lore

so pretty much she originally was stuck on the island with the other six but wasn't part of Camp Cretatous (knows Kenji's dad and decided to take a self-guided tour) and after the events of Camp Cretatous biosyn reached out to a couple of the campers they refused (manta Corp flashbacks from Sammy and Ben was too busy with bumpy and idk why Darius said no but imma figure it out) so pretty much biosyn wanted a perspective on how dinosaurs interact in untouched nature for their "conservation project" and she obliged.

Every week was something new and exciting from seeing the resurrection process to feeding the smaller dinosaurs, distracting her from the scheming in the background. Eventually when they no longer needed her help she asked for one thing as a parting gift, an unfertilized utahraptor egg for her to do her own little studying. They saw no harm and let her have the egg (wu was not informed because it seemed fine at the time) and ahe was sent off on her merry way.

As she's leaving the facility she bumps into a familiar face, Dr. Ian Malcolm who had just been hired as their in-house philosopher, she gets his autograph and a picture and leaves, but something itches at the back of her brain about this place and she can't put her finger on it, but for now, it doesn't matter.

So the MC is pretty smart and has read pretty much every one of Malcolm and Grant's books and knows that in the right conditions that egg could hatch. (I'm not sure how that works so we're just gonna roll with it till I find a paper on it)

She raises the raptor and nurtures friendly traits in it. Using Owen grady's tactic with the clicker to communicate with it.

She learns about Brooklyn's death and finds the circumstances suspicious looking a bit too much into it she ends up where Mr. Kon is serving time, and instead of intervening in their conversation, she lingers back, watching. After a while, she witnesses the dinosaur attack and comes to the conclusion the atrociraptors think of her as their alpha so they listen.

She decides to follow raptor lady around, trying to not be seen, but is eventually confronted and after that I genuinely don't know how the fuck she gets out of that with bother and her dino alive 👍🏼

(I also have plans for her to put together some stuff about biosyn and the dpw and practically be on the run from everyone)

Also yes she is being targeted as she was on the island like the rest of the kids but she wasn't home when they got there and wasn't answering her phone so they just worriedly hoped she was OK while they went to go get Kenji

Its a work in progress and I still need to wrote out some kinks

Ooooooh I like this I like this a lot. Eating it up om nom nom nom

[thebunnycruise]

Less of a question and more of a comment, Im sorry if its in the wrong spot lol, I just had to say this. I promise it’s not a hate comment, and sorry for the length.

I have never in my life seen something that has made me feel so physically ill. I feel genuinely sick reading this, and mentally exhausted from it. I have never read anything that has ever made me want to do something about these topics so badly. I hate this comic, and feel every fiber of my body crumble that I can’t do anything to help these women. It’s such an uncomfortable and painful feeling to see such heinous acts being done to people who i know are just down on their luck and never deserved this. I hate to sound cliche, but this was the eye opener of the fucking century.

You should be proud of your work, you’re doing something that I haven’t ever seen work as effectively and as potently as this.

One question I guess; I unfortunately can’t donate, but what else could us readers do? This comic destroyed me and I’m genuinely desperate at this point to see some happy ending come out of this, and I don’t know what I can do.

Thank you for this question! And sorry for ruining your mood, I think... TL/DR: Giving a shit is free. I recall this one lady being interviewed by a local news reporter regarding her views on the homeless problem in her neighbourhood, and she said something that stuck in my mind: "The more I have to [pick up] human feces, the less empathy I have." I think that one comment really hit home why we're at this point in society. People connect with the characters on the Bunny Cruise because we see their backstories, how they got to where they are, what they've lost along the way, what they dream of for the future, and how they've suffered in trying to reach for that dream. But, even though we know the guy OD'ing on the sidewalk passed out in his own sick must have had a life, have dreams, it's not something we think of in the moment. The difference between the Cruise and real life is that the girls have each other to support them through it, but we will walk over or side-step the heroin addict on the sidewalk without a second glance. That "mentally drained" and "physically ill" feeling is the cognitive dissonance talking. It's when we're forced to confront an perspective that challenges our way of thinking, or in this case, face a fear that perhaps the only difference between us and 67, 10, the twins, or that guy on the sidewalk, is just pure luck. For a lot of us, this is something very uncomfortable, and it's much easier to put it out of our heads and move on with our lives. And politicians take advantage of this fear and apathy far too often. Famously, Mark Sutcliffe (Calling you out, asshole), the recently elected Mayor of Ottawa, campaigned on zoning land for more large, single-family homes rather than more compact, affordable housing. He called it "preserving the community and keeping it safe", but we all know what that really means by now. Or they will call for increased police spending and promise to be tougher on crime (which Sutcliffe also did). Because having bad luck or being neglected and abused by capitalism is a crime now... I think the easiest thing to do, is to just think about it, and speak up when the issue comes up. All too often, things like homeless shelters, affordable housing projects, and safe injection sites, don't get built because people don't want to think about the people living on the fringe of society. But the thing is, people with nowhere to go have to go somewhere.

I donate to a women's shelter because I've worked with women fleeing violence in the past, and it's an important cause for me. I also realize that I am in a very fortunate position to be able to pay rent and have a little left over to put toward charity work. But speaking up and spreading the word is free. The next time someone wants to veto a safe injection site project, speak up against them, ask them what millionaire real estate firm is lining their pockets. Vote for that city councilor campaigning to build shelters and affordable homes. Have a relative who says "the homeless deserve what's happening to them"? Shut them down, ruin that christmas dinner. They sound like a dick anyway.

It's not much, but I think if we can all treat our fellow humans a little better instead of kicking them to the curb, we can make a bit of a difference in the world.

[arookinthelighthouse]

Okay so it's prly way too soon to be thinking about who the companions of the next Dragon Age would be (if we get another one, of course), but I would like to make a case for a few characters who could appear as companions.

Elek Tavor - I'm trying to think of characters who would be alive at the end of Veilguard and from what I can tell, Elek would still be alive either way. I think he'd make for an interesting companion, especially as he has connections with the shady criminal underworld of Dock Town. He also has connections to the Veilguard via Neve Gallus, especially if you choose for her to be protector of Dock Town and therefore the new leader of the Threads. It would provide opportunity for Neve to make an appearance as a contact ir advisor for the new protag if she's still alive at the end of the game, and the banter between her and Elek would be fun.

Tarquin - Undecided on whether he and Elek would both be companions or whether I would pick one over the other (guys you know I would pick Tarquin in a heartbeat, he's got my heart in a chokehold). Tarquin I think would be a great way to explore the trans male experience like we had with Krem in Inquisition, and he also has great potential for a personal quest where he finally finds the courage to leave the Templars and do what makes him happy instead of being stuck in a job he hates for the sake of survival. He's also another character who has connections to Neve, so there's opportunity there too for a Neve cameo. Also potential for a Viper cameo, depending on if he survives Veilguard or not. With Tarquin being a templar as well, it could be a cool way to bring back the templar specialisation from Inquisition.

Qwydion - Give us a qunari companion who isn't a warrior Bioware you cowards!!! I was disappointed when she didn't appear or even get a mention in Veilguard. Like what was the point of Absolution if literally none of it had anything to do with Veilguard whatsoever? Bringing her in as a companion I think would be a great idea, not only because it would help to make Absolution feel more relevant to the games but because I think we're sorely lacking in important qunari characters who aren't warriors. That element of coming to terms with your magic and seeing what happens to qunari mages under the Qun (are they called Saarebas? Or is that a different word?) would be an interesting way to further explore qunari culture from a different, magic focused perspective.

A spirit or abomination - This character isn't fully thought out. Hell, this character is just a concept of a concept at this point. But I kinda like that we have this pattern of having a spirit or abomination as a companion in the games. I'm not sure what kind of spirit I'd have as the companion, however. A spirit of adventure, maybe? A wisp of curiosity that's possessed a body, similar to Manfred? If Manfred himself is the companion, that's even better.

This is all I got right now. But yeah, I'd like to see these guys in the next game if they do decide to make a fifth one

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I want to move out

I love my house, my family, but I can't concentrate on myself

I don't love the environment around my house neither

My family often talks shit to me

Like I don't matter, I am not good enough

I love them but they hurt me

Sometimes I don't feel loved

To move out, I'm not working I don't have finances

It is not common for girls to move out and leave the family, girls move out when they get married in our religion

I wanted to take a study program in another country but my uni staff didn't answer my questions, they said they know nothing (this is their job literally) and I lost my chance for taking this study course

I just need peace and love and understanding

My parents think I'm on my phone too much, thats the only thing I have, I'm not partying or anything, I'm not gaming on the computer, I'm not smoking or whatever...I think it is just normal to spend some hours on the phone like everybody else.

I only feel loved on my birthday and on religious celebrations or something

Like only on "special days"

And sometimes not even then

They insult me on those days too

I end up crying and just remembering what they told me on that day some time later or next year

Like some of the things they had told me I remember it and when my birthday/that celebration comes again I'm like.. that's great, one time....(in my brain)

I feel stuck

I'm very sorry to read about your situation. I completely understand how you feel and how hard it is. Since it seems you have no way out, would you like to try seeing things from a different perspective for the time being? It may help you live where you are (since you cannot move away) but maybe with a better mood.

Your first sentence says that you cannot concentrate on yourself, but in all honesty all I am reading right after is you focusing on what is going on outside, trying to escape from something (that maybe is inside?). And don't get me wrong, this is very normal behaviour. We all do that without being aware, especially if we have grown up in a difficult environment where we fel judged, unsafe and/or in charge of everyone's mood/life to feel accepted (and saving ourselves). Or when we feel lost and without guidance/support. Been there done that myself.

Now, let me ask you: would you really feel love and understanding alone in another country? Or even just in another house? I think your question to move for studies not being answered is a sign for you (just my personal opinion ofc). At times we feel like physically moving away from a situation would make us feel better, but it's not so if the problem is inside: it would keep following us anywhere. So first, let's focus on there and see if that's an option. Try to take time to really know yourself and start appreciating yourself (not necessarily love/like, but at least get along well/respect yourself to begin with): journal/think about who you are, what you want, what you need from others, what hurts you for real (it's not just insults and people making you feel not enough: it's probably that you believe them and let their behaviour -also when it has nothing to do with you- mean something negative about you. But are they right for real? I don't think so, and you don't either from what you write. So, look within to find your own worth: focus on what good you have, on all the successes in your life, even the smallest ones. On what is lovely about you -not according on others-. Everything counts. And try to see when those insults happen in your life: is there a possible trigger happening for your parents? Sometimes we're just the nearest emotional dump for them, that's why the most of the insults. Not saying you don't have to feel hurt or that they are right to behave like this, at all, welcome all of your emotions and take care of them -cry too! I'm sorry ofc but crying is of huge help for us and our emotional balance-, but as I said, maybe realizing this can help you to not make those insults mean something about you, not picking them up and making them yours and keep reminding yourself of them -please don't do that, let them go: they are not about you or do not define your worth, ever. You are not those insults, you're much more: see that, remeber that and that alone. Remember the positive, as a photo would-. And those insults happen related with a specific event -again, very likely a trigger in your parents-, they are not related to your whole self/general self, so put them in the correct perspective and leave them there, do not put them in your pocket to always look at them as an old photo of you: that's not you. It's hard work, it may take a while ofc to get your mind used to not feel like you're unsafe and unloved, but you can do that).

I think that something that is missing in your home is communication: you can ofc help with chores or anything regarding the house, you can have family time in which you exchange opinions respectfully with your parents, but ofc you also need time for your own to spend as you want. Also to game and escape everything... just remember that you also need to take time for you, so using gaming as a way to escape problems isn't helping you right now. I understand and totally support your coping mechanism ofc, but if you really need to concentrate on yourself at this point and you really need to feel peace, love and understanding, then I suggest you to reduce the gaming time and divide it in half gaming and half self work. Start finding peace love and understanding within you, for you. Feeling like you want them but continuosly waiting for them from the outside/other people as a confirmation you really are worthy and deserving of them, doesn't work. You'll always make others' bad/negative behaviour, even occasional one and unrelated with you, mean that you are not deserving of that, and it will always make you feel bad about yourself and resentful towards yourself and others. So make a turn: give to yourself. Make yourself feel deserving of love and support. Give yourself random small treats (doesn't have to be money related, even just making yourself a nice meal or starting a hobby you'd like to start Idk), or whatever you want. But do it with appreciation at least and care. Mother yourself. And find ways to respectfully communicate your boundaries with your family while working on compromise: eg. ask them what type of help may need from you but remind them you need to unwind as well (even on your phone), and you don't have to run to help them either unless it's ofc objectively necessary. Most of our (human) needs are created by urgency to have them met and resolved asap, so always remind yourself that there's time, and almost nothing needs an urgent solution. And it doesn't mean it's gonna be bad or end bad if it takes time. it's all okay.

I really hope you start looking within and seeing how lovely, beautiful and nice you are. See your worth and that random insults do not mean you are suddenly bad or anything. At all, ever. Do not be scared of saying that you got hurt by someone's words either and to ask for more appreciation and support. At times we need to be more open with talking about our needs, and it's okay to have moments in which we need more support/care from others. It's okay to be vulnerable and be the one in need of others and not being in control, especially if we've always been the one in control. Just remember to be there for you and do not dissociate from yourself or push yourself away, even if you did it to save yourself (you did well). It's time to come back home within. :)

I hope this helps you at least a little. Take care and all the best!

[lizardlicks]

one vague ATLA idea I have in mind for AU stuff is less specific but more of a broad AU spectrum and the general point is that instead of Team Avatar being a fairly small central group, they pick up people as they go along so that the folk who join them in the Zuko Friendship Arc and flee at the begining of the Southern Raiders stick around since their introduction; Haru, maybe a few members of Jet's crew, perhaps Jee from Zuko's crew following the end of Book Water, Chit Sang after the boiling rock, maybe even Iroh throughout Book One as a more extreme AU where Aang accidentally incapacitates Zuko and takes him hostage early on and Iroh and Zuko's crew go 'oh nooooo you have captured us and we're with you now I guess' while Iroh low key attempts to provide Aang perspective on the Fire Nation for dealing with them and some basics on Firebending philosophy, but anyway who else do you think would be interesting to see in this kind of AU joining up with Aang and his mission to free the world

Answering this TEN DAYS LATER OOPS

Personally I haven't thought about anyone else joining the gaang outside of Zuko joining the gaang early plots. First, I wouldn't include any of the adults. While yeah, there's something wrong with their world in the fact that actual teenagers have to save it from a century of war, if we actually stuck one of the adults into the group dynamics, they would alter the story and themes in a way I don't find satisfying. Too many of their own motivations and personal hang ups. Iroh works for Zuko because Zuko doesn't really have friends or any other social support, but even so to get to the core of Zuko, we have to separate Iroh's direct influence on him.

So for the other kids: NGL I think Haru as a character is boring. he's dry wheat toast. He exists only as a vessel for katara's hero complex. Teo could be a lot of fun; him and Aang play off each other really well, and it would give us more non-bender rep.

Jet I could not see willingly giving up his leadership role and joining the gaang. He might butt heads with Sokka first, but eventually he would piss off "everyone works together and does their fair share" katara, "I don't respect any form of authority" toph, and even "we're all friends and equals here" aang when he won't give any slack to the reigns-- metaphorically but also possibly literally. Similarly, I don't think smellerbee or longshot would willingly leave jet.

I love The Duke and Toph's relationship. I would have thought of anyone in the gaang for him to latch onto he would have gone with Aang or Sokka, but him looking up to and becoming really good friends with Toph is just really good. And him and Pipsqueak are more non bender rep too!

Suki joining the gaang earlier than canon would be great, especially if she brought a couple other kyoshi warriors along with and we got to see more of their dynamic as a group! Plus more sukka, and Sokka in the kw outfit.

Yue. Alright I apparently lied above, Yue is definitely one that I've thought about joining the gaang. In AUs where Yue lives, her getting out of the North and coming into her own as a person who can assert her expertise and authority is a big deal for her. Might also add some fascinating conflict: did she leave with Arnook's blessing or did she see an opportunity and leap??

Thousands of words have been devoted to the "zuko joins the gaang early" tag, but here's mine:

Zuko knows Azula. He knows not to trust when she puts her hands up and claims defeat. It's an old, old trick, not even a clever one, and they both know it. When her smile falls on uncle, Zuko doesn't even think twice. He's burned before. He knows how. Sinks into that familiar pain like an embrace from an old friend.

Iroh is horrified when Zuko drops like a stone (sick with guilt that he has to see this again, again, it never seems to end). Zuko stays down. His nephew never stays down. He begs the gaang for help, pleads for a mercy he knows neither of them have yet earned. They hesitate, but Toph also insists; Mushi, Iroh, whoever he is, he was kind to her. Whatever his nephew did, the other kids are alive and whole enough to bitch about him, so it couldn't have been so bad as to deserve a slow, painful death.

Katara pulls back his clothes, revealing the burns, the deep purple-black bruises from his fight with the earthbender soldiers, his starvation and exhaustion. It's abundantly clear to everyone that Zuko needs more help than they can give just standing around in an abandoned desert town, and the kids are exhausted. Iroh asks one more favor, a big one: watch over his nephew and keep him out of trouble while Iroh tracks down some old friends who will help find someplace safe for them to hide.

It's only supposed to be temporary, but now the gaang have to deal with wrangling a cranky, ornery firebender who's ass much a threat to himself as he is to them.

[maria021015]

“Why is it that I always get stuck doing this type of shit in a skirt?” Zaida muttered, closing the door to the Jeep behind her and trudging up to the rest of the group at the meeting point by the Preserve entry.

“At least you aren’t wearing heels and a skirt, like me,” Lydia tilted her head, glancing at her own heeled ankle boots.

“Hey, these have heels, they’re just under four inches.” The brunette defended her footwear. “It’s practical.”

“No lady wants to see anything under four inches,” Lydia wrinkled her nose distastefully. “The skirt is cute though.”

“Alright ladies and gents, let’s get this show on the road.” Zaida let out a long and heavy sigh, leaning her weight on one leg and jutting her hip out to bump Stiles’ side with a cheeky grin that he returned.

“Anyone else think we might be doing more harm than good?” Lydia chewed on her lip slightly as her mind ran over her concerns.

“We're trying to keep a father from killing his own daughter,” Scott spoke up to put things into perspective for them all.

“Actually...we're trying to keep a guy from killing a coyote, who is actually his daughter...who we don't know how to change from a coyote back to his daughter…” Isaac drawled lazily, and at this point, Zaida had to admit she thought he was doing so simply to annoy Stiles. In any case, his ploy worked.

“Again with the not helping!” Stiles muttered in exasperation.

“Did you bring it?” Scott interrupted before the two could get into a further argument, looking to Allison only for her to flash the gun slung over her shoulder in response.

“Well, if everyone’s ready then…let’s split up, gang!” Zaida chirped in an energetic tone, earning her many confused stares. Stiles was the only person who snickered, immediately understanding her reference. “Seriously? None of you watched Scooby-Doo as a kid? That’s absolutely criminal.”

They all whipped around when the loud crack of a gunshot rang through the Preserve. “What the hell?” Zaida muttered, her heart jolting in her chest at the sudden and unexpected sound. The others didn’t waste any time. Scott immediately swung his leg over his dirt bike and took off into the trees, both Allison and Isaac sprinting behind him. “Okay, yeah, I’m not running like that. You guys go ahead! We’ll just walk around and try to find Malia, I guess!”

“Come on, let’s go this way. The gunshots might have scared Malia off too, in which case, she’ll be running this way.” Stiles reasoned and took the front of the group, leading the way into the woods.

“And what are we going to do if we do run into the coyote?” Lydia questioned with an ensure expression painting her features.

“Keep her where she is until the others can get there with the tranquillizer,” The brunette answered with a shrug.

“How?” Lydia followed up with a question about logistics. Zaida simply tilted her head and paused, her hand hovering in the air as she reached out, calling upon the moisture in the dirt to rise. A small wall of water in the shape of a circle rose from the ground in front of them and turned from transparent to a milky white as it froze over, leaving them staring at a solid makeshift cage. “Right, of course. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“That’s my girl,” Stiles grinned at Zaida proudly and winked, stirring the swarm of butterflies in her stomach with his low tone. Catching the red colour that lifted to the surface of Zaida’s olive skin, Lydia smirked at her best friend knowingly.

“Shut up,” Zaida muttered to the girl under her breath, crossing her arms over her chest defensively in slight embarrassment. The effect that Stiles Stilinski had on her was visceral and not always logical - she knew they had better things to worry about right now, but when he looked at her like that…

Stiles slipped his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed loudly - still on silent - answering the call and lifting the device to his ear. “Hey, daddy-o, what’s up? It took the doll again? What the hell is so important about this doll?”

“Put him on speaker,” Zaida urged the boy, wanting to hear the other side of the conversation as they all paused to listen.

The boy complied and Sheriff Stilinski’s voice blurred from the tiny speakers. “Listen to me. There are traps all over those woods...near the trails, probably near the car crash... And Tate is out there with a rifle. I want you to stay out of those woods. You got that?”

“Is this guy unhinged?” Zaida muttered under her breath. She could understand that he had lost his family and believed the coyote that had done it was running around the Preserve, but from his perspective, it was just an animal. Animals couldn’t control their nature. “So many joggers run in the Preserve, someone could get seriously hurt.”

“...Stiles?” Noah asked from the other side of the line when his son didn’t answer him. The boy was staring out into space with a look of realisation on his face.

“It's the doll…” The boy mumbled. “...It's...the...doll?”

“What’s the doll?” Lydia questioned once he’d hung up on his father.

“I don’t know yet, but it’s important somehow.” Stiles shook his head, racking his brains for an answer, believing it was the key to cracking the mystery.

“Right,” Zaida nodded, unable to stop a certain tune from invading her brain and getting stuck there. As Stiles pondered the options, she found herself singing the lyrics in a quiet voice as she tapped her foot and nodded to the beat. “He’s a man with a plan, he’s a trappin' man. He’s a man with a big blond head, he’s a man called Fred...”

“What are you…? What are you doing?” Stiles whipped around to face her with furrowed brows and an incredulous expression on his face.

“I’m…singing?” She answered with a blank stare.

“You’re si- You’re singing?” He repeated in disbelief, gaping at her. “Okay, Zay, I appreciate the Scooby-Doo references, I really do. But could you just help me on this one?”

“Right, sorry,” Zaida shook her head to rid herself of the song, attempting to focus back in on what Stiles was insistent was a clue. “So, the doll…let’s recap what we know about it - It might be haunted, possibly possessed, definitely creepy as hell…”

“All right, but why would Malia go all the way to the school and then all the way back to the house, just for a doll?” Stiles thought out loud, brushing off Zaida’s comments. “One that was in the car wreck in the first place. We didn't even find it in the coyote den.”

“It likes the doll - who cares?” Lydia scoffed, not seeing any possible significance.

“It likes the doll a lot…” Stiles corrected.

“What kind of doll is it?” The redhead questioned, wanting to get a better understanding of what they were dealing with.

“A creepy one,” Zaida snorted loudly.

“I don't know...It's a doll, you know? It's got little arms, a big baby head, and dead soulless eyes…” Stiles trailed off, searching through his phone before flashing it to both girls. “Actually, I took a pic! Here.”

“I haven’t seen this one,” Zaida perked up, leaning closer to peer at a photo of two young girls, one in a blue puffer jacket and the younger one in red holding onto the doll.

“That's Malia?” Lydia pointed to the older sister.

“Yeah. That's the jacket and the scarf we found in the den.” Stiles nodded in confirmation.

“You should have shown us this earlier!” Zaida groaned, immediately making the connection they had been searching for. The doll didn't belong to Malia, it belonged to her little sister. The little sister who had died in the car where Malia had left the doll.

“Stiles, she's not holding the doll…” Lydia pointed out what both girls had just noticed.

“That's Malia's younger sister. That's her doll.” Stiles murmured, eyes wide. “...I know what she's doing.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Zaida rolled her eyes with a faint smile.

“What?” Lydia questioned, not quite joining the last few dots.

“It’s kind of like a tribute,” The brunette girl explained. “Westernised American culture has traditions of leaving flowers to commemorate a person at their grave, but many other cultures leave personal effects of the deceased person at the death site as a tribute or offering.”

“I know where she's going,” Stiles confirmed tersely with a nod, immediately tapping away at his phone to dial Scott’s number. He turned briefly to Zaida. “You remember where it was?”

“My spatial awareness and internal compass are both broken, so no. I have no clue where we are right now.” Zaida admitted sheepishly, allowing the boy to take over and lead the way through the woods in a different direction from where they had initially been heading.

“Scott? It's me. You gotta call me back as soon as you can. It wasn't Malia's doll - it was her sister's. Malia left it at the car for her sister. It's like bringing flowers to a grave, okay? And we stole the flowers.” Stiles spoke almost frantically, leaving a message for the werewolf. “So, that's all she's trying to do, right? Bring the doll back to the grave, to the car wreck. That's where she's headed - the car wreck.”

“Why does he even have a phone if he never answers it?” Zaida mused, not realising that the redhead had trailed behind.

“Guys,” Lydia’s voice wavered slightly as she called out to them, causing both of them to turn around and see her standing immobile, staring at the metal contraption beneath her foot.

“Oh, shit,” Zaida swore when she recognised the bear trap, her heart quickly sinking to her stomach.

“Lydia, don't move,” Stiles warned her. Lydia had stepped on the tension plate, and the moment the weight shifted, the mechanism would trigger, and the jaws would spring shut around the girl’s leg.

“As if I’m gonna move!” The redhead exclaimed in a shrill tone. “Look for a warning label.”

“A warning label?” Stiles repeated in a questioning tone as both he and Zaida slowly approached, kneeling to get a better look at what they were dealing with.

“Instructions on how to disarm it.” She snapped articulately, fear shining in her wide green eyes.

“We’re on it,” Zaida assured the girl, urgency prompting her to move quickly.

“Lydia, why the hell would they put instructions on the bottom of a trap?” Stiles asked whilst Zaida carefully gifted the overgrown grass out of the way without triggering the mechanism, searching for a label stuck to the metal.

“Because animals can't read!” The redhead cried out obviously.

“...Lydia? We got a problem.” Stiles shook his head, his breathing noticeably growing shallow when he finally found the red and white sticker. “I can't read, either.”

“I can,” Zaida softly patted Stiles’ arm to get him to shuffle to the side, allowing her a better look at the black text written on the sign only for her to freeze in place. “Actually…I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!” Lydia’s eyes flickered downwards to land on her best friend in alarm.

“It’s not in English, or any of the languages I know.” The brunette rambled, deep-set panic sinking in. What the hell were they gonna do?

“Okay…” Lydia dipped her chin slightly in a shaky nod. “That’s okay. You don't need the instructions. When was the last time you've ever used instructions? Am I right?”

“Uhh…you are very, very wrong. I needed instructions to assemble my IKEA furniture when I moved in, and I still messed it up. My dresser collapsed.” Zaida shook her head insistently, looking at Stiles with hope behind her worried hazel eyes. “I can’t do this - I have no idea what I’m looking at here. Stiles…you’re gonna have to handle this one.”

“You think I can do this?!” He hissed, trying to keep his volume down so as to not let Lydia hear them.

“I know you can do this. Stiles, I watched you assemble a gaming PC before summer break all on your own! You never use instructions, because you are far too smart to need to waste your time with them. I know you can figure this out, you always figure it out.” Zaida assured him, her confidence in his abilities unwavering. “So think. Look at the parts, find what they do, and figure…it…out.”

“Okay,” Stiles nodded quickly, gazing at Zaida gratefully. His heart swelled at the trust she placed in him, and it spurred him onwards. He tore his eyes away from her to drink in all of the details of the trap, from the jaws and the plate, to the springs and the levers. He saw how everything connected and anticipated the physics of the action, landing on a large screw that tightened the spring to increase tension. If he loosened the screw… “I think I got it, but you’re gonna have to move fast.”

“I knew you could,” Zaida beamed at him encouragingly, straightening up and holding her arm out for Lydia to grasp, preparing for the girl to jump.

“Okay, here we go. Ready? Okay, here we go...” Stiles took in a sharp breath of air, fingers grasping the wheel connected to the large screw, and rapidly twisting it to the side. Lydia squealed as she ripped her foot away from the trap, leaping into Zaida’s arms for balance as a loud snap of metal sounded from below.

“Thank God,” Zaida breathed a sigh of relief to see that the trap’s closing mechanism had been delayed by Stiles’ actions, giving Lydia enough time to escape. The redhead’s arm tightened around Zaida’s shoulders in a makeshift hug, and the brunette’s eyes locked onto Stiles’, sparkling with pride.

A deafening roar echoed through the woods, deep and reverberating. It called to something within Zaida, she could feel it in her bones like some archaic song and she knew exactly who the howl belonged to. He’d done it, Scott had controlled his shift.

“That's what I'm talking about!” Stiles whooped in a celebratory manner, coming to the same conclusion.

“Does that mean it’s over?” Lydia loosed a breathy sigh and Zaida nodded, hearing another loud roar in response from closer by them.

“That was Isaac,” She identified, releasing Lydia to turn towards the sound, hurrying through the woods. She stumbled into a small clearing to see the wolf crouched on one knee, clutching two halves of a bloodied bear trap in each hand, having just ripped it apart. “Are you guys okay?”

“Did you do it?” Lydia asked Allison, not far behind Zaida with Stiles taking up the rear of the group. The light had begun to fade, leaving them in near-darkness beneath the thick canopy.

“I didn’t get Malia, but I did get Mr Tate,” The huntress smiled slightly, confirming that she’d been able to control her aim at the end of it all. Maybe things were looking up for them after all.

Zaida was wrapped in Stiles’ jacket in the middle seat of the back of Sheriff Stilinski’s car with the boy beside her. They were parked outside Mr Tate’s house as the morning sun just rose over the horizon, bathing the sky in warm light, despite the chill in the air. The two of them had spent the night between the station and the hospital, waiting for Noah and Xander to sort out all of the technicalities and straighten out the details of the aftermath of the night. As it turned out, Scott had successfully shifted and his roar had forced Malia to do the same - she was a girl again. Mr Tate had been retrieved from the woods and held under close observation until the effects of the tranquiliser wore off, and he was sent home. Meanwhile, Malia had undergone a whole heap of medical examinations - including a DNA test - and was subjected to rigorous questioning via Agent McCall. When it was finally confirmed that she was indeed the long lost daughter of Mr Tate, Sheriff Stilinski made the call the bring her home.

Zaida peered out of the open window, watching as Noah stood a ways off from the porch, giving Malia room to wait patiently for her father to open the door. The man froze, looking as if he was staring at a ghost before he pulled his daughter into his arms and began sobbing. A smile tugged at Zaida’s lips, her heart warming at the tender exchange. She knew that if she had the chance to hug her parents again, she’d be revelling in every second of it. Giving into the temptation, Zaida pressed her cheek against Stiles’ shoulder, leaning into him and relishing in his warmth. There was something undeniably comforting about being in such close proximity with him. He glanced down at her with a softened gaze, heartbeat skipping at the sight of the girl almost curled into his side, wearing his clothes. He instinctively reached out to rest his hand on her leg, thumb smoothing over the skin of her thigh. The pattern he was drawing stirred the butterflies in Zaida’s stomach, their wings tickling within her.

“You were amazing today,” She spoke in a barely-there voice, not wanting to ruin the peace of the moment. “Lydia might have lost her leg without you.”

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t have done any of it without you in my corner,” Stiles admitted genuinely. It was her confidence in him that had calmed and grounded him enough to focus.

“What can I say, give me some pom-poms and a mini skirt and I’ve totally got you covered.” She winked suggestively at the boy.

“No complaints here,” Stiles smirked, a mischievous clouding his gaze at the mental image of the girl in a cheerleader’s outfit. “I might hold you to that.”

Zaida rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, she opened Lydia’s message, quickly scanning the text. “Lyds says that-” She started to inform Stiles, but he swiftly cut her off.

“That she expects to see us at school later.” The boy finished in a surprised tone, and Zaida’s head whipped towards him.

“You…You read it?” She gaped at the boy, eyes brightening as a broad smile spread across his face. He tipped his head back against the chair and let out a breath of relief, which was an answer enough for Zaida. She laughed in excitement, squeezing the hand that was still in her lap as Sheriff Stilinski returned to the car.

The man slipped into his seat and closed the door behind him, looking at the two teens through his rearview mirror. “What are we celebrating?” He asked them with a faint grin as he noticed the closeness between the two.

“Things are finally looking up,” Zaida beamed, and when Stiles looked at her it was as if she was glowing.

“Thanks for your help on this one,” Noah buckled up as he started the car, the engine humming to life. “The FBI has been forced to extend the investigation into retiring me as Sheriff. Apparently, solving an eight-year-old cold case had scored me some points.”

“You’re keeping your job?” Stiles perked up, straightening in his seat.

“Well, for now.” Noah corrected.

“I bet McCall’s feeling pretty stupid about what he tried to pull right about now.” Stiles snorted, deciding to focus on the positive.

“And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for us meddling kids.” Zaida snickered, earning a loud and dramatic groan from the boy beside her and a confused glance from Sheriff Stilinski.

“I know Lydia will probably stab me to death with a Prada stiletto, but what do you say we skip school today?” Stiles asked Zaida with hope igniting behind his amber eyes.

“I think Lyds can handle school without me for one day.” Zaida agreed, unable to deny the boy when he looked at her like that.

“Breakfast on me?” Noah Stilinski offered as he pulled out from the Tate’s property and onto the highway.

“Ooh, can we go to Waffle House?” Stiles begged and the brunette shook her head at his strange obsession with the place. She was glad things were back to normal between them.

Zaida awoke with a start to the sound of heavy tapping against her window. Gasping for breath as her mind was pulled out of her dreamscape and into reality, her whole body jolted. For a moment she was disoriented, unsure if the sound had been real or just a dream. Then she heard it again, a slow tap, tap, tap, at the window on the right-hand wall. Drawing her covers back, she slipped her bare feet onto the soft carpet, creeping over whilst making as little noise as possible. Reaching out slowly, her fingers grasped the thick material of the black-out curtains. Zaida took a deep breath, steadying her racing heart and gathering her courage before she yanked those curtains to the side, only to be faced with…nothing. The other side of her window looked entirely normal. It was the same view of the adjacent apartment block that was always there.

Leaning closer to look past her translucent reflection in the glass, a hand slammed against the surface and she stumbled backwards, stifling a screech by clamping her hand over her mouth. What the hell?

Before she could react, the loud buzzing of her phone vibrating against the wooden top of her bedside table almost sent her jumping three feet into the air. She couldn’t stop her mind from immediately going to the likely horror movie scenario where a deep-voiced serial killer would call and ask her to play a game. Slowly backing away from the window and picking up her phone, her hands shook as turned it over. Seeing Stiles’ contact flash on the lit-up screen had her breathing a sigh of relief.

“Hello?” She answered in a hushed voice, eyes still glued to the window where the moonlight was now streaming in, casting patterns across the floor. For a moment she thought he might be calling her about another nightmare, however, he didn’t sound panicked so much as irritated when he responded.

“What are you doing? I swear, you sleep like you’re in a coma.” He blurted from the other end of the line.

“What am I doing? Stiles, I was sleeping, it’s the middle of the night. What else would I be doing?” She shot back in an exasperated whisper. “Please tell me that’s you outside my window?”

“...Wait, there’s someone outside your window?” He questioned after a long pause, the mirth draining from his previously playful tone. Zaida’s blood turned to ice in her veins.

“Oh my God,” She muttered, instinctively stepping further away from the glass structure. “Shit, Stiles…”

“I’m only pulling your leg. Of course, it’s me,” He quickly backtracked, amusement evident in his voice. “Come open it?”

“Fuck you, Stilinski! You gave me a heart attack!” Zaida cursed him, stalking over to the window and throwing it open to lean out and see the boy with his phone pressed to his ear on the landing below. "It's not funny!"

“Oh, come on! It’s mischief night!” He laughed lightly at the powerful glare on her face, hanging up the phone call.

“Mischief night?” She repeated in a questioning tone, leaning against the window sill.

“Yeah, mischief night - the night before All Hallow’s Eve. It’s like the night before Christmas, but, like, for Halloween.” The boy explained. “It’s a Beacon Hills tradition, and if you don’t get your cute little ass out of that apartment, you’re gonna miss out on all the fun!”

“There ain’t nothing little about this ass, Stilinski,” She tutted and shook her head at him disapprovingly. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” He winked at her with a sly grin. “This is gonna be fun.”

[nacricissa]

You sent me an amazing ask and I really wanna send one back but I am struggling to come up with a good question so, here is your opportunity to rubber duck. If there is something you are stuck on in a WIP feel free to talk it through here until the solution comes to you. I can also read it and see if there is anything I can do to help, if you want. Maybe there's is a prompting question I will think to ask you (or three), to return the favour<3

Happy WBW!

Thank you so very much for your kind thoughts! I shall ramble about my most recent issue in the Forever Project.

How fancy should secondary protagonist Eric be? More fancy would make him a better foil to Elise, in some ways, and allow me to do more bullshit with him on his own, and make him less dependent on Elise. Less fancy would make it the story of an essentially random guy becoming the chosen wielder of a catastrophically powerful human weapon told from the perspective of the weapon, and I could do fun chosen wielder "who am I without my weapon" shenanigans.

Because I have no clue which of these two is better, I've been coming at it from a question of probability. The option where Eric is so fancy as to be on par with Elise in his own right, a weapon made to kill a different type of God, is compelling, but the notion that Elise would happen to break out of her proscribed timeline to find him on pure coincidence feels contrived in a way I don't like, not when so many other things have come to fit so well.

He can't be completely human though, because first of all then he would die before Elise, in a way I don't really like, and also it's harder to imagine them meeting using the plot point I currently have which I very much like. So, we're sticking to some kind of immortal being, who has enough power to wield Elise without too much difficulty.

I have come to the conclusion he should be a Nihil, a perfect balance of the two gods that are kinda sorta at war over his world Darkness and Faith, in a somewhat human vessel. The question is how does this sort of thing arise. I've come up with several answers over time, but most of them have been cut off by later worldbuilding.

There are versions where Nihils are Darkness's guards, heavily inspired by the Sherrilyn Kenyon's Malachai. The faith side in this version usually comes from humanity, built up through centuries of nurture and genetics, but in recent revisions of the amorphous blob in my head, Darkness and Faith only arrived in this world recently, and so such a long-running history couldn't work.

There are versions where these guards are more numerous, and are made by Darkness and Faith having it on, which requires Eric to be smuggled into the human world of the plot by some machination. This is accomplishable, but requires me to flesh out some extra characters to do the smuggling, and figure out what happens to them.

The most recent idea I've had ties in very well to the plot. The plot hinges around a vampire/wraith hunting society, that was started as a scam, but then it turned out some of the bullshit they were spouting was close enough to true that they got more than they bargained for. Anyhow, in this recent version, a Nihil is essentially the combination of a vampire and a wraith. I really like this, as a vampire is a creature of faith lacking darkness, and a wraith is a creature of darkness lacking faith, but I don't know how common to make them, how they should come about to ensure this. Do I make Eric the only one? The only one in his position? It's really hard to say.

[mbti-enemies]

hey, guys! fellow INFP here, I used to have this loathe towards my own type (slash myself in general) too a few years ago

I think it came mostly from some stereotypes I used to hear a lot of back then, stuff like "crybaby", "too sensitive", "manipulative", "dramatic", "self-centered", "selfish", "loonies", "antisocial", "illogical" or things like "INFP's forgive but rarely forget", "INFP's moral standard are too high/unreal", that "we're too obsessed with idealism", "we're stuck in the past", "we victimise ourselves all the time"

and these comments used to really get to me, I'd overthink it for an unhealthily amount of time, specially because I was in a really dark place back then and I'd see myself relating to most of these definitions. I couldn't even focus on all the plenty of good things people had to say about me because when you hate yourself it's is just hard to believe in any perspective that's different from yours.

but then I started working on it, I was so done with hating myself and surrounding myself with toxicity all the time, I'd prioritise everyone else but me, I'd neglect my own happiness and needs until I had a breakdown, pushed everyone away and started this cycle all over again.

It's mentally exhausting and you can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself first, you must always be your first priority and offer yourself the same kindness that you offer to other people.

there's this quote from a book that says "we accept the love we think we deserve", and it's true! once you realise all the good things there is about you and how lovable you are, no one can convince you otherwise, all you need is your own validation, be happy with who you are, clap your own baby steps and stop damning yourself for every tiny mistake you've done, and I promise you'll attract all the good people who will love and accept you for exactly who you are!

people who won't think of your sensitivity as "drama"

you are allowed to feel, you're not "too much", you're allowed to be overly happy and excited over the smallest things, you're allowed to cry when you feel like it even when it seems like "there is no reason to", you're allowed to feel pain over things that you thought you'd be over by now because it's been so long, you're allowed to take time for yourself, to try new hobbies, you're allowed and you should set up boundaries! you're allowed to cut people off when you don't feel good around them, you're allowed to use your voice and stand your ground.

take care of yourself, drink water, eat everyday, try journaling, take long showers once in a while, listen to music, look yourself in the mirror and tell that person looking back at you that they're worthy of every good thing in this life even if you don't believe it (yet). and if all you did today was survive, I'm proud of you for that, and so you should be! I promise you things will get better eventually even if it doesn't feel like it rn. you're amazing and shouldn't accept mediocrity when you are this beautiful human being in and out <3

I'm not perfect and neither are you, there are some days that I see myself falling back into old habits, days when I don't feel lovable, when the highs feel too high and the lows too low, days when I disassociate way more than it'd be considered healthy, etc etc, but you know what? things always get better at some point.

I now have friends I can always count with!

I force myself to share my problems even when I want to stick myself in a cave and never come out again because the world suddenly feels like a horrible place to live in, and I feel like no one cares about me because everyone is probably too busy with their own problems. I promise you there are people who care, you just need to allow them to love you because believe it or not, you are lovable. let them know you need help, or just a hug sometimes.

and you know what's funny? some of my closest friends are also INFP's and I'm so happy that they exist! here are some amazing traits about INFP's: (based on my own experience with them and being one myself, because you're allowed to see and knowledge your valuable traits... I know , shocking)

INFP's can be: empathetic, generous, open-minded, creative, passionate, thoughtful, deep, carrying, intense and vulnerable in the best ways, so very understanding, poetic, kind-hearted etc etc etc

you guys are amazing and I'm very proud of you! (this is for every one who needs to hear it, even if you're not an INFP) <333 have a good way, a great week and an even better life!

(For the earlier infp askers)

Infp, this is the sweetest, truest thing. thank you so so much for taking the time to share this <333

HEAR HEAR

also I think this is gorgeous advice even if you’re not an infp, if you’re struggling with low self esteem, and literally everything else

[mandalhoerian]

you seem like someone who has their writing together (and I mean that with the utmost respect) any advice for other writers?

I'm sorry I haven't answered this sooner, I honestly wasn't in the good spirits for it. I'm a bit better though, I'll do my best to answer.

First of all, thank you so much for the compliment. I'm not a native English speaker or anything, so hearing I have my writing together is a big accomplishment for me. I hate my writing sometimes and that I can't express in English what I'm so adequately thinking of in Turkish lmao

I don't know how to give out any palpable advice though.

Of course there are the basic technical things such as to start out a different paragraph whenever a new voice is talking, for example:

Something something something something, something something. "Red talking red talking." Something something. "Blue talking blue talking." "Green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking."

This has to be formatted like:

Something something something. "Red talking red talking."

Something something. "Blue talking blue talking."

"Green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking green talking."

See how it's easier on the eye too? People literally will skip if they saw that first block of text. Like I said though, these are the technical stuff. Like to be careful with your punctuation. Always format and edit your writing when you're done!

Moving on from the rules and regulations stuff, the thing with "writing advice" is that it enters the land of subjectivity, different things work for different people, if I tell you now to do something a certain way, I'd be instilling my (reading/writing) preferences on you. What works for me may not work for you.

For example, I hate the "don't use adverbs/adjectives" advice along with "don't use there is/there are" because they aren't professional enough, apparently. Those so-called professional authors' works are littered with these, and they are best-sellers.

Another example is that I tend to work sporadically most of the time and can't keep a regular, disciplined "write x words a day" routine. I had a streak going with No Time to Die but I eventually lost it. If I tell you now to write everyday, I'd be bullshitting.

I was collecting writing advice left and right on pinterest and making them my gospel at one point in time. They've helped me a bit, but they also have given me massive writer's block because of how limiting they were, I was trying to do everything by the book that I lost all inspiration from not getting to where I wanted to be.

Don't adhere too much to anything or rules, just write is what I want to say. Just keep writing. The more practice you get, the better.

As the wise Rick Grimes once said: Stop acting like you know the way ahead, like you know the rules. There are no rules man, we're LAUST.

Also, read a lot too. Fanfiction reading is great, don't listen to elitist idiots who say it's not real reading. At one point, you're going to start looking at it from a writer/editor's perspective, it changes everything.

Another thing I want to preach is: don't do scenes linearly if you can help it, we all have that one scene we are dying to write, go write it. Skip that scene you're stuck on, and go write the scene you want to write, give yourself that freedom. Don't limit yourself.

Not all that helpful, I know. Sorry LMAO

[psychelis-new]

Hello! Thank you for all the readings you do for us :) a lot of them carry sound words of wisdom for me!

Might I suggest a pac topic about understanding one's goals or desires.

I understand that you cannot tell someone else what their goal in life is or should be ... but I keep getting this feeling where I wish I gained clarity on what I think I should be doing vs what I really want (ofc another important factor is what skill do I currently posses but this is about dreams and skills can be learnt). Maybe I'm being naïve and foolish, that such clarity only comes from within, by meditation or journaling, communicating with oneself.. or maybe one has to utilise the opportunity infront of them and rest is just wishful thinking. Maybe it is me holding on to the wishes of my past self and now I've grown a couple of months or years and have a changed perspective.. yet I am unable to zero down on one path / decision. I do not know what was intuition vs what was a passing fantasy. Again, I apologise if I'm being naïve, if this ask was too vague. Thank you

No question is vague or useless and I don't think you're naïve or foolish or any other bad word you called yourself with (don't do it please, not here--- not allowed on my blog!^^).

To answer you shortly: you said it, I cannot tell you what you should do. I have done personal readings too in this sense, and I could never get real a solution to anyone's problem. But, as done in those times, I can try and bring suggestions. This though, firstly brings me to one of the latest readings I posted about gaining clarity/leaving this rut, and secondly... yes I can think about another type of guidance pac to do. But... why do you feel you have to choose?

(it's gonna get longer now)

You said "I wish I gained clarity on what I think I should be doing vs what I really want": do you think they really have to be different? And why so? You're in a great place imo: you already have something you really want to do. Many don't (and ofc, it's fine y'all). So what is blocking you? "I do not know what was intuition vs what was a passing fantasy": intuition comes out of nowhere while a passing fantasy has a reason and... is passing, you can change it, and grow annoyed by it. Sometimes intuition too goes away, but honestly... you can try everything you come up with and see in practice how and if they work for you. I think sometimes (not necessarily saying it's your case ofc) we stop ourself just at the thought/imagination of something and give too much importance about what we should do and just confuse ourselves when we already have a bunch of options/ideas/gut feelings and things we'd like to try in front of us or that we know we can create. But we just fear it's not The Right Thing™, or we're not good enough or any other doubt a mind can think of, so we just keep ourself stuck in this confusion, while maybe we should just take a leap and try them and see if they can work for us or not, also as a job (making a business plan or such could be of help too -there are many samples online-).

Again, I'm not saying you're wrong or anything: we all go there -in that confusion- every once in a while: it's life and what we're supposed to go through anyway, imo. We leanr things about us too this way.

Sometimes answers and clarity don't come at us when we want but when we are ready. And ofc I understand that life/society pressure us so much and want us to "just take a decision/road asap and follow it until we leave this planet" but that's not how it goes for everyone and that's okay. Some people just do a job and then find their true call later on in life (there are loads of directors and actors that were working 9-5 before changing career). Sometimes we need to experience different paths and to even make mistakes and follow wrong paths to understand what our soul call is (hi!! :D I don't even remember how many different things I did lol). And tbh, we don't have have to follow it exactly or as a main focus (we can do two things too at the same time and see, we don't have to choose one immediately or at all), we can do something else that we still enjoy and live a happy life anyway.

I do agree that it could be of help taking time to meditate/journaling as in knowing yourself deep down, your core values, your beliefs, and ofc your likes and dislikes, what you may get to do and what you really would never do (not just as careers per se but as situations in those careers: eg. travelling could be a thing? Same country/different countries? Both? Having to deal with others? It tires you or you love it?... such questions imo. And also what would you like to do with your job, do you wanna be known, what's your main goal in this life, how do you wanna be remembered, how much you want to gain money-wise?...). You mentioned skills too: sure, you can learn skills for anything, but have you asked yourself why some things just come naturally to you anyway? And what are these related to? Not saying they are there necessarily to tell you something or guide you in a certain direction (they don't always related to a job), but... it's still a side of you that is good to understand I think. Even just for further usages.

Just don't fall into the trap of taking any random opportunity (unless you really need money: just read well any contract condition, even the smallest, before signing anything) just because you need to do something asap or you feel rushed to do something out of your life (you're already doing it, even if it's not bringing you money). It'll come to you, don't stress over it. Just try things you feel like trying and think you may enjoy (trust your guts) and you'll find your way.

Anyway yeah I will try to do a guidance pac when I can (maybe on insta Idk, I have already something career-wise planned on there), but maybe this answer can help you as well for now. At least a little.

Take care!

[liu-lang]

turns out last monday was not my last therapy session

imagine my surprise when i call the office saying, "i got a text reminder that i have an appt today, memorial day, for my next appt. just wanted to confirm if this is a mistake since i know today is a holiday. my therapist transferred me but i hadn't received a new link to the appt" and the person on the phone said they would have my therapist give me a call

i see a missed call @ 11h45 from "no caller ID" so i called the office back and they said that that was her. the next call, i pick up, the woman on the other end of the phone asks if it's me but she mispronounces my full first name badly instead of just "kris" ... which i let slide bc my name looks foreign from an anglophone perspective. bc she pronounced my name so badly and used that instead of "kris" i thought this was the new therapist but actually it was the therapist i thought i had broken up with ?

so two months of treatment.....and she doesn't know my name. i could alr feel myself wanting to cry bc i thought i never had to talk to this woman again. i took a deep breath and reoriented my thinking, soothed myself and thought "okay, maybe i can use this to clear the air" - i was honest about how every time she tries to remind me "this is the diagnosis you have and it's not going to change, it's going to follow you, this is the right diagnosis" it triggered feelings from my mum who ... upon retrospect ... exhibit signs of Munchausen by proxy with me. she thanked me for sharing this with her which was also maddening bc this was not the first time i have said this, ever since she switched my diagnosis i would remind her, my reactions are informed by this medical trauma from childhood. i asked my therapist why we had to start every session this way bc it made me feel scared, unsafe, unheard and unseen.

she went on some spiel on how assessments and diagnoses are done (you know, assessments don't only happen in mental health, they happen in primary care, in a school setting, so this is totally innocuous and par for the course) - there really wasn't a point in stopping her bc i was alr aware of the obvious so i just said i understood. i was so frustrated and wanted to be genuine with how i felt, i didn't even care if this would give her more fodder to justify the diagnosis or the optics of it, i told her "i concede, i admit defeat, i accept the diagnosis, i'm not resisting anymore. i know the diagnosis stands as is, i'm tired of going in circles, i don't want to stagnate treatment by going over this anymore"

maybe that was not the most mature or kindest or most "mentally well-adjusted" thing to say but i really just felt like a kid again stuck in a doctor's office with my mum telling me "you have to tell the doctor the truth, tell them how it really is like, how bad things are so they can help you"

i told her every session we had, i've felt at a loss and confused about what we're exactly working on and she chalked it up to me being resistant to the diagnosis which is why every session we have to start with these "gentle reminders" of how her diagnosis is correct and also bc i was the one who asked her to do a really thorough assessment so she is just doing her job.

she finally did talk to my psychiatrist and she said they both came to independent findings that i fit this diagnosis...which is contrary to what my psychiatrist told me. my psychiatrist has clarified with me though i made exhibit some traits to differing degrees, 1) the symptoms i have now are a recent development and she understands other social health determinants (like financial difficulties, worrying about the job market) were impacting my mental health 2) i don't exhibit the minimum number of traits to qualify a diagnosis

in my fatigue, i made the mistake of saying 'i understand that multiple mental health professionals are in agreement' and she corrected me by emphasising these were independent findings, not an agreement. again i was too tired to fight so i know her idea is that i think she nefariously convinced my psychiatrist to come to the same conclusion as her.

i asked her, okay if diagnosis comes from observations, like what a patient says in therapy, then if a patient just didn't mention something (either not being ready to share with the provider or literally just not thinking it was worth bringing up bc they didn't perceive it as a problem), doesn't that just as easily change the diagnosis ? the therapist is just not privy to these things and can only make an assessment based on what is apparent to them. she said, she would still know bc she would see that the treatment they were doing wasn't working. so i asked, okay then conversely, if there is a misdiagnosis then the treatment could also not work ? i can't rmbr what her response was to this ... i think she just reiterated her credentials and assured me this is correct and reminded me that i shouldn't harp on the diagnosis so much, the focus is to treat the symptoms and a variety of treatments can be used for symptoms that overlap across diff diagnosis .......which makes even less sense to me since she just said she would know if a treatment wasn't working if the diagnosis was inaccurate in the first place ??

i also had to retell my entire history of when i started seeking therapy as an adult... every time i recount these life details, i can hear her typing... but idk what she is typing bc she never rmbrs anything ? she clarified that i took a break from my previous therapist for a little over a month bc i didn't think i needed individual therapy but no ?????? i told her i definitely did !! continue individual therapist and wanted very much to and saw the necessity in it and the hiatus happened bc of insurance reasons since i sought out couples therapy over the summer of 2022 and insurance dictated i had to do all my therapy under their clinic ... so that's why i had to switch individual therapists, not abandon it all together

at the end she asked if i wanted another session. last monday, i really waffled and wasn't sure but this time i was firm that no i don't want another session, i truly see that this is a bad fit. i am trying my hardest to be as open-minded as possible, i want to get better, i want the things i'm struggling with in my life to not be so difficult, i will take the diagnosis that apparently is going to haunt me forever, i can see myself attempting to work with someone else on this. the transfer will take some time which i think is a good thing... i do think i could benefit from a break of several weeks to maybe a month...however long it will take to line me up with someone new.

[dragonmasterhiccup]

She raised an eyebrow at him, her arms crossing over her chest. “Is this like, your new way of yelling at me or scolding me or whatever? Just telling me I’m acting like Snotlout? Because if that’s the case, it’s not working,” she stated, her voice flat and unamused.

“Hiccup,” she started, “You don’t have any time left to manage; all you’d be doing is rearranging your schedule, so it’d still stay super packed, just… packed… differently?” She shrugged. “I don’t know dude, all I know is that you are way too busy.”

Her expression beamed as he said ‘he knew a place.’ It was about time she actually got off this island and saw other places! Gods, she was just so excited!

There had been a time or two where she was tempted to leave with Twilight before this, but she never did, mainly because one, she promised Hiccup that she would tell him if she ever wanted to leave, and two, because she remembered the times in the past where she left on her own, and they didn’t end very well…

She was cut out of her thoughts by Hiccups question, and she nodded. “Uh, obviously, when do I not have it with me? That thing is my pride and joy, I would never leave it behind, I keep everything in there. And besides, I’m pretty sure I’m the best artist on Berk, so I can’t fall out of practice,” she said smugly.

Going back over to Hiccup and Toothless, she asked, “So, we ready to go?”

Shaking his head, he spoke adamantly. "No, no, absolutely not. It's just a little perspective, is all."

Letting out a sigh, his shoulders deflated, his hard angled down. With his helmet on, it might have looked a little entertaining under different circumstances. "No, you're right. I...I don't know how dad did it, he didn't have to delegate, or have any help, he just...did it, and still had some time to spare." In time, he was sure he could figure it out. "I've only been chief for a year, so I'm still fairly new at this."

Grinning under his helmet, he nodded. "Good! You're going to need it, I think!"

Leaning over to pet Toothless, the dragon grinned over at Danny and Twilight. "Yeah, we're ready! Follow us! Come on, bud!"

Toothless sped out of the stables, flying out over Berk.

Hiccup turned back every so often to make sure Danny and Twilight were still following them as they flew, the ocean waves churning beneath them.

He closed his eyes, head tilted towards the sky above them, and spread his arms out wide as they flew, soaking in the rare moment of flying, really flying. Being able to put some distance between where he's been for so long and just having the freedom to go elsewhere, even for just a little while.

"Oh, I have missed this, bud!" Toothless let out a little roar in response. Hiccup reached down to pet the Night Fury. "I know, bud, I have been busy. If I can't fly with you as much...you shouldn't be stuck on the ground. I'll see if Astrid can take you for some more flights, okay?"

A little later, Toothless slowed down enough so Danny and Twilight could fly alongside them.

Hiccup lifted his helmet, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "We'll be there soon!"