#helping clean things up as they go
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mentioned i replayed night road the other day and decided to run it with romina, so naturally i am compelled to share more of raúl and his hot gangrel girlfriend.
#oc tag#Raúl Cañedo#Romina Villari#vampire the masquerade#vtm#vampire the masquerade night road#vtmnr#iris goes with lettow but these two take an indirect trip to seattle#helping clean things up as they go#i think mayhaps after a few years the possibility of him being embraced would be discussed but she wouldnt want to do it herself
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help me escape homelessness and live with my lover!
If you can't help me with donations, reblogs are always appreciated!
Also I have hella bad waiting mode anxiety that is made better by knowing what to expect after what I'm waiting for happens, so if anybody wants to tell me how this process will go, I would greatly appreciate it.
Bonus points if you give me some ideas in the notes of mundane things to do with my wife!
#byrd chirps#the gryphon#byrd's business#here's our ideas for things to do together so far:#going to temple newsham to see flowers#going to the park for walks#taking a river taxi / boat#going to the garden center for gardening supplies#going shopping together#going out to restaurants together#going to the city center to see the shops/market#going to the gluten free bakery#building a nest with the couch cushions#watching tv#playing games together#doing separate things in the same room#going to the gym together#riding the bus together#get tattoos#get haircuts#help each other with hrt#take naps together#cook#clean#do laundry together#go to a cafe in the evening#watch the sunset#watch the sunrise#Go to Affleck's Palace in Manchester#Set up a sewing station
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it
as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)
first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))
a few fav scenes
emotional support cwab
they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.
papery critter.
even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)
and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3
i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.
so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and
[
several hours later ...
]
oh
oh man
it's a little bigger than i expected
<next>
#--/ art#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#Minecraft bed#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#me when the project that obviously wasn't going to be done in one night isn't done in one night: D: !?!?!?!?#kudos to whoever routed the Speedrun actual short because that one is so fun and clean and savvy#clever made up time-savers? includes orange's TNT shield-jump?? nonlethal dragon dispatch??? sweet#ithink you can see where i tried to head with this#turns out that turning up the complexity 98 notches higher makes things trickier to parse hmmmmmm?#in fact i might need some help with this one ;>v>' like a lot.#i had a bit of a story and route set up already i just... wanted to make sure everything was at least kinda there...................#we'll see#the pie joke. i was trying to categorize which foodstuffs chosen should be able to make on the fly. with their flame hands.#ex. cooking meats makes sense because flint and steel works for the same purpose (you can kill a burning animal to get cooked meats)#but baking bread or drying kelp seems way more involved or whatever -> needs a proper furnace environment#HOWEVER... i noticed that Steve can just summon pumpkin pies from his bare hands if he wants to without even a workbench. so. sure! lol.#this is scraping the surface of the minutiae i want to consider#(ALSO KUDOS to everyone who RUNS/works on all-advancements. of course. riding on your shoulders here)#final joke is that chosen didn't know how crazy this undertaking would be to learn#but dark is very literally programmable. so you could maybe just plug some TAS instructions into him and off he goes#or even more open-ended than that just give him the list of advancements + stipulations + the wiki and similar result#it'd get done but. i dont think he'd find that fun at all. prefers to write his own instructions if you see what i mean#i might be forgetting some context. it is rather late you see. please ask me questions about this! ;P#tco aa
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finally sending my busted old montblanc in for repairs after sitting on it for over a decade everyone wish me a not too expensive quote
#fountain pens#it was properly messed up. i spent a long time trying to fix it myself to little avail#its so special to me i really wanna see it working again someday and parts for its particular make are SUPER RARE#old man gave my mom a big bag of old pens as thanks for her help back when she worked at the bank and she gave it to me#and the montblanc was the one fountain pen in there and it was like a magical treasure to me#especially cus the nib feels SOOO good. it feels amazing#i can only assume the old man was left handed cus it's worn down in such a perfect way for me specifically#also embarrassing and sad but the damage was entirely caused by 14 year old me trying to take apart the piston to clean it#its my one big regret#whenever i think about the time machine to go back and fix something scenario the first thing that comes to mind is this pen#going back to teen me and saying PUT THE PEN DOWN IT LITERALLY JUST NEEDS TO SOAK IN SOME WATER AND A LITTLE FRESH SILICONE GREASE#my bemoanings
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Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today
#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on#those results#and its working#ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to#to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum#going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort.#cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo#rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time#like do you get it#anyway slow progress is still progress#the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days#post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially#but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well !#oops rambling in the tags haha#long tags
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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An independent Courier would actually hate being in charge or enforcing standards in New Vegas. At least in my mind.
They made Vegas independent but I feel like that playthrough/style so clearly makes it apparent it isn't for them. They are making Vegas a place where people can live freely, like how House genuinely didn't care what people did but without the behind-the-scenes Big Brother surveillance he did. Having every family, faction, and other influence group or person comes to them about alliances or rules would be draining, and boring, one note.
In an independent Vegas, The Courier is also Independent. They like getting rid of lines and borders that impede freedom, they like to help give people the tool but I don't believe they want to be the one to shape it.
#a lot of this is like how ncr started but then lost its way#the courier would like a democracy but like one that is truly run by the people like if public votes or letting people split off and embrac#their traditions instead of a universal standard like house changing the tribes caesar wiping out so many cultures and the ncr whole thing#with their money being worthless in territories they have not taken control over cause people dont want to#the courier doesnt want to be house 2.0 and i see that so often in peoples interpretations of that ending and I just dont think its the cas#like theyd stay to help it stablize for a but ultimately i think theyd leave to clean up any loose ends or just travel the mojave like#a lot of the dialouge good or evil is very much like the courier doesnt want the responsiblity to be placed on them rather they choose what#they want to take on that is not presented in sort of a scenerio where they losely rule NV cause everyone else would go to them even if the#say they arent in charge#i at least for the follower quest tell them their choices are theirs and no one elses so i see that as their outlook so im biased#cause im also good karma just for how nice I am and I like doing crazy adventure shit and its actually hard to have fun when everyone hates#you for being legion#anyway make of this what you will#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#the courier#courier six#courier fnv#the strip fnv#robert edwin house#caesar’s legion#new california republic#independent vegas
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*Look at that one ghost pregnancy carving meme*
Sure, they're normal pregnancy carving... And then they're weird ones. Like, yes, he can't eat a batarang, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to.
Have a little crack I guess! Also bonus point if it's angst for the others batfam members
Angst, you say?
Jason came out of a daze to the sound of broken glass.
Why was he in Tim’s room? He remembers getting up to look in the kitchen. Nothing was appealing at the moment but he was hungry and Dr. Leslie mentioned he was a little below weight.
He was looking and nothing was appealing but then he felt a pull and-
“Jason, what the fuck.”
Tim looked disheveled, clearly back from his patrol.
Why was he freaking out? Sure, Tim finding him here was strange but-
Jason was suddenly aware of something papery in his mouth.
“Wha-?”
“Jason why?”
Tim looked like he had shot him, and as Jason looked around him he realized that he may as well.
Around him laid a shredded old box.
Tim’s old photo box.
He remembers when he was first reached out to his family again after the mess of reintroduction.
The olive branch Tim held out to him. The night they sat in the lounge as Tim shyly showed him the years of photos. They were up until dawn reminiscing. It was the first time he started to think of the two of them as brothers.
They weren’t all ruined but quite a few had obvious teeth marks and tears.
Shit.
“I-I don’t- fuck! Baby bird I’m so sorry. I don’t even remember..”
Jason raised a frustrated palm to his eyes at tears started to pool.
Fuck, Tim was shutting down.
“It’s- it’s fine, I was in the middle of digitizing the photos anyways. Never know what will happen, you know?”
Jason removed the photo from his mouth and tried to flatten it out what was left. It was one of the one’d around his debut as Robin, sitting on a gargoyle under a moonlit sky.
Jason gently got off his knees with a wobble before he gently took his brother into his arms.
“I-I already got most of them taken care of.. It’s fine.. you didn’t- the baby been doing a lot of strange things to you. You nearly bit a batarang last week- it’s not- something like this was bound to happen and-“
Tim made a keening he folded himself into Jason’s side.
Looking around at the carnage as Jason tried his best to comfort his brother as he wailed.
“This shouldn’t’ve happened. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
He muttered as he rubbed up and down Tim’s back.
“Okay… Okay.. How about we go downstairs huh? We can go downstairs, and I’ll make us some hot chocolate ‘n’ we can put on one of those shitty b-rated horror movies we love to roast.”
Avoiding what Jason could only assume was a cup of coffee on the floor, he closed the door and gently guided his little brother down the hall.
Tags for hoodlums:
@numbuh-7-knd @phoenixdemonqueen @thegatorsgoose @storm-and-fire @elvesandlanterns @moedango @skulld3mort-1fan @apointlessbox @samgirl98 @thedragonqueen1998 @booberrylizard @idek618 @littlefeather345 @iosonotoro @dxrksong @moonfirearc @terzatheunderscorerima @moedango
#Jason after he gets Dick to clean up the mess in Tim’s room has a mental freak out once Tim is settled to sleep#he feels so guilty#he ends up badgering clockwork to help him get copies of all the originals#dp x dc#writing prompt#dc x dp#jason todd#dick grayson#tim drake#mother hood au#you asked for angst#if you hadn’t I would’ve shit posted#me: hmm what would be heart wrenching and hard to replace?#originally I was going to have Jason eat Damian’s art supplies#but then a old john mulaney quote came to me#it’s the one thing you can’t replace#my asks#mpreg
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heres all of the episodes of The Wrong Cat Died podcast that I've transcribed so far so you don't have to listen to them lol
bonus/live episodes are listed as .5's to keep them in chronological order
#its not a lot currently but im trying lol#im still working on this so more episodes will be added as i get to them#im back in uni tho so itll be slow going for a bit but at this point im determined#i ran every episode through a speech to text thing so everything has a loose/base transcript already#i just need to go through and actually listen to the eps so i can clean them up and fix everything#it has it's vices but its faster than typing everything up by hand so *shrug*#that said if anyone wants to help with this insanity just ask and ill send over the folder of base transcripts lol#cats the musical#the wrong cat died podcast#my hubris will be the death of me and all that ig#genuinely tempted to make a wtd side blog at some point cause theres a lot of interesting moments#my transcripts
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She’d stay with them while visiting I think
Bonus:
#enstars#mamagi#rinne amagi#niki shiina#rinniki#i think despite him being raised to be served she'd have taught him how to at least do basic things#basic cleaning and cooking#even if he's technically serving as chief he's not living in the village as one so like. go pick up the broom son#number 1 niki defender is rinne#number 2 is rinne's mother#also she's the type of lady to call you 'hon' and 'dear' and 'sweetheart' and stuff like that#i don't know if i'm writing her right but i really would like to think she's a kind lady.#if she's like everyone else at the amagi village i'm gonna be so sad.#also i love how every time i'm like 'this is gonna be my last drawing for a while' i come right back because i am an impulsive fool#also i think rinne d o e s help out around the house it's just that niki's significantly faster and more efficient when no one's in his way-#-in the kitchen--
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Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Him having a sort of fatal attraction vibe goin with Traveler like Came||ya’s whole thing almost hdbfb#//The whole ‘you’re interesting; I really like you; I can’t WAIT to see what makes you tick’#//Except he might actually be more of a danger to them; considering his endgame for those he ‘loves’#v; l’innamorato (fatui!kaeya)#//The love idea of him v attached to Signora; deffo got along with the kiddos of the HotH better fjhdh#//Prolly loved presenting her W|ll Sm|th style; even if the attention it drew to him too did make his skin crawl more often than not#//Love the idea of him stalking Traveler thru their journeyw lil heart eyes; interfering at key moments to hinder or help them progress#//Depends on how he’s feeling at the moment jcbcb#//In this verse would deffo butt heads with Taru in Fontaine specifically—he wants Traveler’s attention too jfbfb#//Prolly met them in Mond as part of Signora’s lil entourage—IMMEDIATELY got intrigued at first glance#//Background wise; I like to think he was a Fatuus meant to infiltrate the knights like many of Eroch’s ppl#//And in the progress of going through the knight thing got acquainted w Luc & began to have doubts abt the Fatui cause#//After visiting his home; hearing abt and meeting his father; then the day of the Heckening happens & they fight#//Bc Kae already planned to come clean & renounce the Fatui & Khaenri’ah; but the mess Crepus’s death made of him#//Tried far too hastily; far too bluntly to tell Luc the truth of his origins; swearing he knew nothing abt the Delusion#//Only to get claymore’d; which absolutely helped cemented him into the Fatui’s ranks more#//A part of him knows it wasn’t the time to say it; that he is at fault for trying to take advantage of Luc’s vulnerable state to tell him#//Only for the lad to have been far too volatile & so it turned out badly; but he still blames Luc for the break of their bond#//Anywho; I like to think as of Inazuma; he does have a certain grudge against traveler bc of Signora#//Before; encounters were more of puppy love bordering on dangerous obsession—after that; the dangerous bit became Personal#//Ohhh I’m writing a yandere here; okay<-should have realized that from the FIRST slew of Fatuiverse hcs lmao#//He genuinely does love Traveler; would like to see them breaking down in despair in his arms#//The two of them together would make a most beautiful ice sculpture indeed#//Even with his grudge; Traveler does stand a chance at swaying him to actually be helpful#//Sumeru quest wise; Co||ei is the magic word—i like to think he came along with there bc he wanted to see abt the Eleazar#//And maybe find clues to her family or even her herself; Traveler or Paimon dropping the name would make him cooperate SO fast#//Klee in Mond is basically his Teucer jffb. She is as good as fam in his eyes—I like to think he keeps up his habit of collecting pyro ppl#//Bc he never got over his broken bond with SOMEONE. Even if this verse has him more bitter abt it#//But ye jdbdbd. Is it rlly a Allie posting if it not short lol blurb and then heckin TAG SPAM lololol
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Station 19 - 6x08
#station19edit#station 19#maya bishop#danielle savre#station 19 6x08#femslash related stuff#carina x maya#marina#love the lock screen <3#and I keep forgetting to mention it but danielle savre did GREAT work in this ep#the crying sure but the body language for maya too#once she closes the door she actually has to settle in how alone she is#and this time she can't call up pretend anger or need to clean#and against the very advice she'd just agreed to she thinks about how to assuage that loneliness#and I know there are people who wished she'd called#but I'm glad she didn't because for right now it would be something better for her and not necessarily carina#like yes carina knowing she's okay and that she's doing better or at least on the path to it would be great#but that's happened before#carina might jump to forgive and help and things just go back to how they were#or perhaps they start off fine but then carina says something that might be taken by maya as pushy or the wrong thing#and then a super exhausted emotional maya might lash out again#unrelated to all this but loved that sweatshirt and her shoulders in it >_>
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I'll have these moments where I am calm, collected, and feel like I can, in fact, complete all of the tasks I've set out for myself, and then I'll get home and completely lose all that motivation.
#I'm not sure why that is though ... is it the chores? being around other people? the clutter?#I am going to go home and work on cleaning up a bit of my room though ... that's my plan#also I need to pick out a dinner to make next week--and also maybe we'll watch the show we missed yesterday#and give Plushcliff a kissie#I have some things I want to do but maybe I should focus on improving my personal space (my room) first ...#I actually started eating an apple every day and that has helped a lot--crazy how fruits and veggies improve mental health /lh#and if you get this far ... the funniest thing is I used to HATE apples#absolutely loathed them#and then I headcanoned that Heathcliff cuts up fruit (I wrote about it a lot in an unreleased fic I was writing for myself)#and I decided he really likes apples for some reason ... so recently I actually ate an entire serving of an apple dessert I HATED#and was just steaming internally because THIS FICTIONAL MAN HAS ME EATING A FRUIT I HATE#AND I LIKE IT#AND IT'S MAKING ME HAPPY#HOW *DARE* HE#/lh /lh#I don't talk a lot about how he helps me but maybe I should ... he's made food a lot easier for me#ALSO I have opinions about him and food that are very special to me#I just get shy because. Heathcliff is the character I project onto the most and I see him having a lot of the struggles I do#in things like food and stuff--also my opinions on his gender/orientation would get me flamed /lh /lh#well. that may just be my past experiences talking. just know those areas are very important to me when it comes to him#anyway!!#got very rambly near the end of this ... eat fruit okay? it'll help you#scattered pages
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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Man. Goro being in strikers wouldve been soooo fucking good. Especially w the surprisingly good writing and plot??? You have to live w the consequences of your mistakes? You dont get to just Die and leave the mess you made behind? You have to confront the people youve hurt and accept that they may never forgive you? That people who care about you and love you will support you even when youre at rock bottom as long as u show a willingness to change and do better? This wouldve been a perfect way to tie up Goros whole story in neat little bow 😔😔😔
#chattin#p5s#goro#having to confront the thieves. having to confront akira. having to confront HARU.#living with the mistakes you made in your quest for revenge#now that youre forced to Live; what do you do? how do u fix it? how do you start over???#its really good i think; and it would fit goro perfectly#sophie asking about the heart; picking goro clean and exposing his thoughts and failures for the thieves to see#analyzed by akira and co under a microscope#and forced to address his own feelings about. everything.#but like. on other better things#goro having a fury ability similar to zenkichis is cute lol. throwing tantrums in the metaverse#zenkichi gets enhanced moves at the cost of health#and goro gets enhanced attack and agility at the cost of defense and luck#it would be neat :)#goro BEGRUDGINGLY eating the food that akira makes#and eventually forced to help prep if he wants food at all#(akira does not have to do this w the thieves. but he is NOT going to let goro pretend hes not on the team)#(but it doesnt take long for goro to volunteer his services. the thieves eavesdrop as he chats w akira lol)#goro hears that he has to sleep in that little tent up top and hes like. oh thats so cute! have fun in there.#as he sleeps under a boulder next to the camper#i think the heart to heart w akane would soften him a little#he doesnt Hate kids but they make him a little comfy#but shes got so much anger; anger that he definitely had at that age too#he. gets it…#oh my god. hed be so fucking annoyed w the phantom thief praise. it would kill him#and ryujis like man cmon stop actin like youre not one of us already. the acts gettin stale at this point#shuts him up for a long while lmao
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