#helphelp help goddammit i cant fuckinf do this shif anymore

[akiko-emi]

Why did he do this

Put a read more so you don't have to listen to my ranting. Go ahead if you want a shitty poemish rant i guess.

He unfriended me on all platforms. I'm pretty sure he blocked me. First he lied and said he'd be there for me, and be by my side forever Then he breaks up with me after CONTINUOUSLY telling me he loved me, that he'd never leave, that I was everything. We even planned our future. He knew I was fragile He told me I was his everything. his world. then you just dump me? you sent a love letter to me along with your photo 2 days before the fact. Then after you break up with me, (after an almost YEAR LONG relationship and one with me starting to feel loved by someone for ONCE in my goddamn life) the letter arrives that day Like you were planning on tearing me apart more. You saw how I broke down and knew how much I loved you yet you STILL chose to hurt me more. You even sprayed your cologne on it. Poured your heart out into that letter. Made little doodles of our dates and such. Then, when I'm finally not as hurt, when I'm FINALLY starting to heal from November 25th 2024. When I finally stop crying everyt ime I see anything related to you, when it only stings when I think of you now, you go ahead and tear me apart again like im some puppet like im a toy some type of shitty messed up doll for you to play with whenever you want. you patched up my broken wings. i was getting ready to fly with you. we would fly together, we planned. then you tore the bandages off one by one by one. you tore off pieces of my wings along with it. and left me there to bleed out and die despite my despair. and god, oh GOD, how i hate you. How I DESPISE you. but yet? i cant stop feeling like I still love you. im sorry.

[akiko-emi]

I am physically making myself feel sick.

I feel gross

Im debating on cutting not just my wrist. My whole arm

Genuinely what is wrong with me

Why am I so gross? And so... pathetic?

I mean my wrist is messed up so, why not my whole arm, right?

Im fucked up man

If I hear "enjoy your youth" again man

what is there to enjoy anymore

everyday is a chore

i cant get out of bed

god dammit man these urges are too strong

but the feeling of blood on my sleeve

or just sitting on the floor with toilet paper pressed to my arm

is so disgusting

i feel like im going to vomit.

[akiko-emi]

I-

Why. Why. WHY ARE CALL OF DUTY SMUT HEADCANNONS IN MY FYP PLEASE IM SOBBING WHY

[akiko-emi]

I almost passed out just now woah. I feel weird 😭 Anyway i'm working on my aunt commission FINALLY-

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DRAW SEPTUMS HELP..??

[akiko-emi]

Im so drained

[akiko-emi]

god dammit man i cant i think im going to relapse i cant do this anymore i need to cvt i need it please if my mom finds out she'll be so disappointed though i love how im posting this like anyone will care no one cares not even me im a worthless human being i wouldnt even recall myself as a person anymore