#help it’s 2:30 am and this thought literally woke me up

[glxthoughts]

the natural evolution of the commedia dell’arte is fanfiction. thank you.

[hel1nn]

And suddenly everything changed ೀ⋆｡

Ch.2 a date before marriage? Previous:3 next.

𐔌 . ⋮ satoru gojo x fem zenin!reader .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ : Listen to kingston while reading ⭑.ᐟ

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ : fluffyy | 18+ smut mdni | eventual smut | arranged marriage | reader is 22 and gojo is 25 | reader had a lonely life untill satoru came | abuse (gojo did nothing here.) | trauma | sprinkles of angsts | jealousy | flashbakes | soft!satoru | soft!reader | loss of virginity | self harm | first time falling in love | reader has two sisters. | Reader belongs to zenin clan. | Idiots to lovers | reader doesn't find satoru annoying since she was alone her whole life. | Insecurities | 𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆

౨ৎ Summery : spending your whole life with feeling of being useless and a waste of space,even worse that your two sisters had cursed energy but you didn't, made you wanted to kill yourself so many times but it stopped when a marriage proposal was sented to gojo clan about marrying you or one of your two sisters. Your sisters were so powerful and beauty with brain so why did satoru gojo choosed you? Moodboard | series masterlist

A/N : IDK WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS AND SORRY IF I MADE MISTAKES ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE.

Few days has been passed since you met satoru. You can't help but think about him almost every night. Today when you woke up your one of your sister came up to you saying that satoru wants to talk with you, now here you are talking with him on your fathers phone. You locked your room's door for now.

"may i know...what do you wanna talk about"

You said to satori whos behind the screen. You could here a soft chuckle before he spoke

"is there any problem with me talking with my future wife"

"..."

Your face started to heat up..he was already calling you his future wife. Slightly freaking out you nervously answer,cheeks tinted in light pink

"n-no no its not like that listen-'

"no need to freak out i am not maddd" you don't know why but you could literally hear the pout on his lips from the phone,you slump down sighing

"i mean...i thought you'd get disappointed slightly.." you mumble to the phone "but please tell me if you need something.."

"sneak out of your estate at 5:30 I'll come to pick you up"

You stare at the screen dumb founded, before you could say anything he started to speak again

"no excuses i want to see you waiting for me in the nearby park"

The call ended with a click , your eyes shot up in realization. He wants you to sneak out of your clan and meet him...welll. you were anxious why did he wanted to meet you today. Does he wants end this marriage- nope. He wouldn't want to see you for that at least thats what you thought. Your brain not working for a damn minute. ..you don't even have your own clothes that you could wear on special occasions,all the clothes you have were what you wear in your house and nothing more...

── .��

You managed to sneak out of your estate since no one really checked up on you. Waiting for satoru to come. You don't know what to say about your outfit..you just put a hoodie and pants on. Thats all you got you don't care how you look like right now. You stood there waiting for satoru,from looking around you could tell its already passed 5:30 or something, just to see a black car stop Infront of you. There satoru came out of the car,he was wearing a long coat with turtle neck sweater,black slacks and men's boots. This time there are fancy shades resting on the bridge of his nose, letting you see his blue irises,they were just as bright as the stars you gazed at nights. Satoru smiled seeing you stare at him, snapping his fingers Infront of your face. You stare dumbfounded at him,as realization hits you that how close you two were you take a step back,your face heating up in embarrassment "s-sorry i didnt meant to stare at you like a creep-" you start to apologise for staring at him for too long but ut was too late.

"don't be sorry i know you like what you see right neowwww" satoru teased, laughing softly. He lets you have your personal space. You looked away shyly. Not knowing what to and then the important question pops up in your mind.

"uhm so...why did you wanted me to sneak out of my..place.."

"i am gonna take you out with me."

You stare at satoru dumbfounded for the who knows how many time...he wants to take you out with him sneakily..? He could just tell your father and take you out with him but why like this?

"you know..you could just ask my dad that you want to take me out with you.." you trail of, giving him a small smile just to remind him you don't want to sound rude.

"but its way more fun like this.." satoru chimes, already pulling you with him in the car,you try to say something but thennn you were in satorus car, sitting on the passenger seat.

You just let yourself have some fun, cause nothing was wrong with it. No one really checks up on you so you didn't had to worry about anything happening in your place. The silence was somehow comfortable,you don't know. But then satoru breaks it.

"oh..i forgot to take your number.." satoru said, his hand already offering his phone to you so you could save your number in it.

"actually i don't have a phone.." you mumble and satoru hears it immediately. You didn't really needed a mobile phone since your used to spend your life while watching all this drama. Your dad didn't bothered to get you one too. Satoru was slightly surprised,but then he chuckles

"no problem" you didn't know what he was thinking again,but you knew there would be something by seeing his little smile. And you were completely RIGHT. satoru stopped his car Infront of a shopping mall. Satoru is a little bit too much kind to you. You think since everyone always told you that being kind to you is as hard as a rock. But satoru is being kind to you as if it was never hard...like everyone told you. Satoru's big hand grabs yours again, you had never held any men's hand like this until today. Satoru's hands were warm. You try to say something like where are we going but satoru shuts you up with a playfull remark. You don't know when but a small smile appeared on your lips. Satoru took you to every shop you landed a eye on. You protested that you don't need clothes or some things this much but didn't listened to you. Making you both ending carrying bags of things he gifted you. But a thing was still left. Buying you a phone that you didn't asked for. But he will get you right now anyway. Now here you are, standing Infront a fancy restaurant after a dinner with satoru, where no one took you to. You stooe there with a new phone in your hand...like it was really your phone.. a smiling satoru standing Infront of you.

"i don't need this gojo-"

"satoru." He corrected and you broke into a small smile. Shaking your bead gently

"satoru...i don't really need a phone"

"but you wouldn't be able to talk to if you don't have a phone.." oh. You finally accepted the phone so you could talk with satoru when you're home. The ride to your estate was full of you smiling. You don't remember when you were this much happy last time. His warm hand held yours,long fingers tracing the scars on your wrists. You let him do that because it was comforting. A warm gesture from him. When both of you arrived there wqs horror painted on your face. Where are you going to keep all the things satoru gave you today..?

"g- satoru..." You mumble, tugging at his pinky,he looks at you with a smile, majestic as always. You blush slightly but continue

"can you keep these things? I'll do something about it later i guess-"

"no need to worry, I'll keep these things and after our wedding I'll buy you a closet." Satoru's fingers gently squeezed your cheek. You sigh. A red hue coming up from your neck. that night satoru teleported you too your room. Your phone already has his number in it. Leaving you for Tonight again but with a warmth inside your chest again.

Taglist : @chilichopsticks @milolop @kuroosvow @bypanana @hoseokslefteyebrow @sorcerersseestars @ssetsuka @megumisthirdog @certainduckanchor @myahfig4 @officialholyagua and idk why i can't tag @deliciouslydeliciouspenguin :(

[octuscle]

If a nerd in highschool suddenly gained muscular body, without an effect on his brains or mental state

How quickly would he actually, naturally change? Maybe the attention gives him an ego?

Or maybe the jocks want to be his friend

How much of a jock could the nerd become?

Project diary, entry 1 (Friday)

My name is Salomon Miller. I live in Providence, Connecticut and am a senior in high school. I wouldn't say I have any real hobbies, but I am interested in art history, architecture, astronomy and geology. And many other things. I read a lot and actually everything I can get my hands on. But my passion is sociology and political science. That's also one of the reasons why I'm writing this diary. Starting next semester, I will be studying at Stanford and have a full scholarship, which is linked to my participation in a project. The Department of Sociology will use my person to investigate the effects of serious physical changes on the psyche and behavior. I won't find out in advance what the physical changes are, but the changes were set in motion with the help of an injection that I received today.

My parents support me in the project. My father is a lawyer specializing in environmental law, my mother is a neurologist and psychiatrist. Neither of them understand why I chose to study sociology, but as they both studied at Stanford, they accept my plans. They don't have many options either, they are both in Europe for a long time. My mother has a research semester at the University Hospital of Heidelberg and my father is currently representing a client in a lengthy case at the European Court of Justice. I've known this situation since I was a child. I'm used to having our gardener or Consuela, our housekeeper, as my social contact. That's not meant in a negative way, I love my parents, even if our contact is often less intensive. This has taught me a certain independence, which I really appreciate.

Today is the Friday evening before the last weekend of the summer vacation. The date was chosen deliberately for the injection. This gives me until Monday morning to get used to the upcoming transformation. At the moment, I feel nothing more than a certain tiredness. Normally I would go for a long walk or read something. But I'm just exhausted and will go to bed early.

Project diary, entry 2 (Saturday)

I woke up at around 03:00 in the morning. I was scared to death. I was almost strangled by my pyjamas. I tried to rip the top off my body. I tore it completely to shreds. I was no longer wearing my pyjama bottoms, which were already lying in tatters in my bed. It was clear to me that the transformation had begun. And a look in the bathroom mirror gave me certainty. My whole body was twitching, just like I'd seen in a Hulk movie. Except I didn't turn green. But my muscles literally grew. In fact, little else has changed. I am still clearly me. Even though my neck was already wider than my head, which is why I almost suffocated in my pyjamas, this was still my face. My hairstyle unchanged. My eyesight was also the same. Fortunately, the head can't get any more muscular, the glasses still fit. My thoughts were running amok in my head, I can't describe the feeling, especially as the cramps didn't stop and the muscles continued to grow. I lay down on my bed and tried to relax. At around 04:30 the cramps subsided and I fell asleep again from exhaustion.

When I woke up at around 09:45, I was lying sticky and sweaty in a dried up puddle of semen. Obviously I had ejaculated once or several times. After getting up, I went to the bathroom to assess the change. According to the scales, I now weigh 120 kilograms (I assume that documentation in metric units is more scientific), my height is unchanged at 182 cm. What has actually changed is the length of my penis, which is now 18 cm when flaccid. I have not yet been able to measure the length when erect. In fact, I would have thought that the sight of a muscular man would somehow excite me. But my head has been working like crazy since I got up, I suppose my blood is needed in my brain and is not available for an erection. The shower was still an incredible experience. My body feels great. I had no idea what muscles felt like. However, I realized while showering that I had a problem: None of my clothes would fit me anymore. And my father is smaller than me and, like I was until yesterday, is also more of an ectomorph. My only hope was that José, our gardener, who is probably almost as muscular as me and about my height, had some of his clothes in the dirty laundry. He and Consuela both don't work at the weekend and I didn't want to invade his room.

I was actually lucky and managed to find a pair of jeans, a jockstrap, a T-shirt and a pair of tennis socks in the laundry. Everything smelled very unpleasant and at first I thought about washing it first and then putting it on, but then decided against it. Instead, I went to the mall as I was to buy something new to wear. There is an expense account from the project, which is presumably intended for exactly these cases. Shopping really was an ordeal. As usual, I went to Macy's at Providence Place Mall first, but I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't going to find anything in my size there besides clothes for gym class. Then I went to Abercrombie & Fitch for the first time. The sales assistants literally pounced on me. The XXL T-shirts fitted reasonably well, my thighs were too big for the jeans, but shorts were fine. Fortunately, the weather forecast for the next few days is still very good.

Even though I was extremely focused on quickly working through my shopping list and getting back home, I didn't miss the effect I had on my body. Not only did the sales clerks pay much more attention to me, people turned to me, nodded appreciatively at me and greeted me. It all made me extremely uncomfortable. I was glad when I got home again.

Project diary, entry 3 (Sunday)

I'm not really a religious person, but I value the institution of the church as a culturally integrating entity. So I probably would have actually gone to church, but I would have been very uncomfortable in shorts and low-cut t-shirts that exposed my chest. So I spent the day making up my bed, doing the laundry and getting ready for the first day of school after the vacations. My story for teachers and classmates will be that I spent the summer in Europe with my parents and discovered my enthusiasm for the gym out of boredom. I have no idea whether this story will be accepted. As much as possible, I completed the course enrollment online. Because I really have no idea what I can do with this body, I signed up for boxing and wrestling. The alternative would have been football, but I have no experience at all with team and ball sports. Swimming used to be the sport I hated the least, but a few laps in our pool today have shown me that my body has become less streamlined. Although I have a lot more strength, my times are worse than usual.

I have signed up again for the astronomy and chess clubs. Apart from that, I thought it made sense to leave myself enough time to be able to react to unexpected events.

My first real test was my Sunday video conference with my parents. As I can't hide anything, I decided to take the offensive and had the conversation in nothing but my swimming trunks by the pool. Even though I had no real idea of my parents' reaction, I was actually taken aback. My mother scientifically dissected the situation and said that my body was probably more efficient now and therefore I would have a benefit gain. My father disagreed, as he assumed that a bulkier body had a worse ecological balance. In the beginning, I tried to approach this project as objectively as possible. But then I couldn't help but start crying. I was afraid of tomorrow. And my parents actually showed something like emotion and compassion.

Project diary, entry 4 (Monday)

I was expecting something like running the gauntlet. But the first day at school was actually relatively unproblematic. Most of my friends at least pretended to believe my story about my stay in Europe. The teachers were not surprised either and largely went straight back to business as usual. The only noticeable reaction came from the musclemen and jocks. I have the feeling that they never took their eyes off me. When there was eye contact, I received a respectful nod. Otherwise, I felt a bit like a foreign lion approaching a pride of lions. Every muscle of the alpha animals and their water carriers was tense and ready to strike if I got too close to their watering hole. I'm looking forward to my first PE lesson tomorrow.

Project diary, entry 6 (Tuesday)

While the morning was more of a triumph, the afternoon was a debacle. The subject matter in chemistry and physics suits me very well, everything is very interesting. There shouldn't be any significant challenges in Spanish lessons either. But the new Spanish teacher is also an advantage here. Based on her first impression, she probably thought I was a hollow nut. She didn't expect me to have already read Don Quixote in the original and in the contemporary Spanish transcription during the vacations.

I embarrassed myself to the bone in gym class. Of course, after my contrived lie, everyone assumed that I knew my way around the gym like the back of my hand. And I don't even know how to hold a barbell properly. Interestingly, no one laughed at me or anything. On the contrary, they all assumed that I'm extremely underchallenged and told me that I should just train for myself and that I should join them next week after I've learned the basics. But maybe that was just polite contempt.

In any case, I spent the whole afternoon and evening at home watching all the gym tutorials I could get hold of and reading everything I could find about bodybuilding, nutrition and supplements. That's why I skipped the first session of the chess club. But I had to prioritize.

Project diary, entry 7 (Wednesday)

Theory is good, practice is better. That's why I went straight to the gym this morning at 06:00. The school janitor who opened the door for me said appreciatively that my discipline was paying off. The big boys are always the first to arrive in the morning. If only he knew. But in fact I was lucky, I was alone on the training area until 07:00 and by then I had familiarized myself with most of the machines I had learned how they worked in theory and had also developed a feeling for the weights I was able to lift.

The second visitor to the gym after me was the quarterback of the football team. Stephen and I have been at the same school since first grade. Of course I know him. But of course he has no idea who I am. We've never had classes together and someone like me is of course a nobody to him. Or was a nobody to him. Now I was his biggest rival, the only classmate who had bigger biceps and a broader chest than him. And being the alpha male that he was, he sought conflict directly. As far as I know, the jocks and Himbo's call it "cock comparison". Wherever I trained, he did the same afterwards with more weight. After training, he waited for me in front of the shower and said that he had already heard about me. I was the Spanish exchange student. I looked at him questioningly. "Well, the one who had that book with the windmills and the crazy knight at school. The linebacker goes to your Spanish course. Clever to take Spanish as a Spaniard," he said. I shook his hand, introduced myself as Salomon and told him we were in the same kindergarten. He returned the offered hand with a fist bump and said that I must have mistaken him. He had never been to Spain. But I spoke very good English for a Spaniard.

I always prefer to spend my lunch break alone. I like to read or just relax. This time, however, Stephen waved me straight over to him and his boys. He introduced me as Sal and said I should tell him how I liked it in the USA. At first, I wanted to start comparing European democracies with the US, especially in light of the rise of populist tendencies. But then I didn't think that was a good idea and just said that I thought the USA was the greatest country in the world. Stephen gave me a fistbump and all his buddies followed suit. Before English class after lunch, my friend Frederick passed me and said somewhat reproachfully whether I would always eat with the football team now. I laughed and gave him a fist bump and said that I would only eat as long as my primate research project lasted.

Project diary, entry 8 (Friday)

Yesterday was a wild day! I went to wrestling practice. Everyone but me has taken wrestling as a sport since they were in high school. I'm the only one who had no experience at all. Sure, I looked at and read through everything I could find to prepare. But without any practical experience, I really made a fool of myself. Thank God the coach really understood me. He said that he was sorry that bodybuilding wasn't a school subject. And then he gave me tips on how to pose properly. Damn, when I stood in front of the mirror in just my underpants and he touched my muscles to get them in the right position, I got a boner. And he obviously noticed. He then hugged me from behind and massaged my nipples. It was a feeling I'd never experienced before. I started to moan. He pulled me close to him. I felt his hard-on against my ass. And then I had my first orgasm outside of my bathroom. I was so embarrassed. And it was so great! Since then, I've really just wanted to make my coach proud. I've spent every spare minute at the gym, signed up to the sports club to do more wrestling and spent a small fortune on sportswear. I'm afraid I have a real crush for the first time in my life.

Today I got a telling off from my friends from the astronomy club. I missed the meeting and no longer see them during school breaks. I admit it, I'm neglecting my old social environment. But I have to find my way in my new role. Or rather, I have to find this new role first. Tonight I have a date with a couple of guys from the sports club. We're going to the gym first and then want to watch football in the sports bar. I'm a bit excited because I've tended to spend my weekend evenings alone in front of the computer so far. Now I have to think about what I'm going to wear.

Project diary, entry 9 (Sunday)

Dude, I might be drunk. For the second night in a row. The weekend is one big party. Last night at the sports bar was great. It was a little hard at first to pretend I knew anything about football. But after one beer I didn't give a shit. At some point, someone bought me some booze. Because his team had won or something. I was completely out of it and had to puke at some point. I can't really remember, but I'm afraid I didn't hit the toilet bowl. One of the boys then took me home with him. I really wasn't able to find my way home. Apparently, at some point I invited the boys over for a pool party on Saturday. And it escalated a little bit. Fuck, I probably have to spend the rest of the day tidying and cleaning. But for now I'm going to bed. After I've thrown up.

Project diary, entry 10 (Monday)

I'm a bit embarrassed about my behavior at the weekend. When I woke up on Sunday, a few of the boys were still snoring by the pool. And a few of them were making breakfast on the barbecue. I didn't really get around to cleaning. And then I overslept today too. Consuela suddenly came into my room and asked if my parents knew what had happened here. I gave her 100 dollars from my emergency expense fund and asked her not to reveal anything. She and Raoul actually did a great job. When I got home from astronomy club late at night, everything was pretty tidy again. The two of them are real treasures!

Mondays are not sports days. History, English, math. I admit that math has never been my hobbyhorse. And my teacher has made no secret of the fact that he thinks I'm an overprivileged white boy. When I couldn't answer a question to his satisfaction today, he said something along the lines of "Muscleheads are just all airheads". The whole back row started throwing paper balls at the teacher and hooting in protest. I have never received such expressions of sympathy.

Between school and the astronomy club, I went to the optician and got some contact lenses. Glasses are just so annoying when you're doing sport. And then I went to the hairdresser. I like my haircut. My hair is longer at the nape of my neck than at the sides. I had a photo of Coach with me and said that I wanted to look like this. Hehehe, the hairdresser said that he couldn't take away my muscles. In fact, I'm bigger than Coach. The hairdresser also shaved my beard. I haven't even written that yet, I have the feeling that my beard and body hair are growing faster and thicker. A bush is growing under my armpits and in my pubic area...

The astronomy club was terribly exhausting. I wanted to concentrate on the Jupiter-Venus conjunction. We had the best conditions to observe it today. But the nerds were all just asking questions about what exactly it was like on vacation, how I trained, how I changed my diet. I prepared myself for these kinds of questions. But every one of my answers was scientifically dissected. If it goes on like this, I'd rather look at the stars alone.

Project diary, entry 11 (Thursday)

The last few days have been pretty exciting, which is why I didn't get around to writing the diary. After training on Tuesday I went to the showers. Not all the guys on the team do this, but I just don't feel comfortable in the sweat with a bit of Axe under my arms. I also urgently needed to clear my balls and cock of the hair that was growing and shave my chest. I still can't get used to how hairy I get. In any case, it all took longer than with the other boys and then I was alone with Chuck in the shower. And suddenly Chuck knelt in front of me and sucked my cock. Without warning. I had prepared myself for intercourse in theory and in practice.

In any case, I've been a bit confused ever since. I mean, I have a crush on Coach. And Coach also got a boner when he helped me pose. I mean, he must think I'm hot too. But Chuck says he's had a crush on me ever since he and I spent Friday night together. The night I don't remember. But I'm writing all mixed up...

The blowjob in the shower was definitely sooooo hot. Even though it didn't last long. Boy, I shot my load into Chuck's mouth like that. My cum was leaking out of both corners of his mouth. He French kissed me with my cum in his mouth. Dude, I'm getting hard just thinking about it. And then he grinned and said that edging wasn't really my thing. I had no idea what he meant. In any case, I kissed him again and started wanking his cock. I was far too excited to suck him off myself. Chuck moaned and started twitching. Then he pulled me against him and wedged his cock between our stomach muscles. And then blew his load. Bloody hell! I don't know how long we showered together and soaped each other up.

In any case, I then started to gain practical experience with sexual intercourse. Chuck spent the night with me the day before yesterday and yesterday. The first time we fucked was really awkward. Chuck also asked if I was still a virgin. I said no, of course. But I'm sure he realized that it was the first time I'd fucked someone. And also that I was being fucked. In bed and in the hot tub. The first time I blew him was Wednesday in the school bathroom. We both just had a lot of pressure on our balls before civics. Shit, I'd never thought about sex before, now I can't get sex out of my head.

Practice is coming up. I just jerked off to the idea of forming a sandwich with Coach and Chuck in the shower. That would be so hot!

Project diary, entry 12 (Sunday)

Shit, I love my life. The parties this weekend were so hot. I mean, sure I love Chuck, but my dick has too much energy for one man. And Chuck gets off on me fucking other men too. As long as he's the only one who gets to fuck me. It's a point of honor, of course!

Before I go to bed now, I went to the gym again. To burn off the alcohol. And prepare my muscles for a tough week. I have my first wrestling tournament next Friday. And I've promised Steph-bruh, the quarterback, that I'll drop by football training. The hollow nut still calls me wetback, but has now understood that I'm not Spanish or Latino. And then I have to chat with my mentor from Stanford again. I don't know if sociology is really my subject. Chuck wants to study business administration. He's hoping for an athletic scholarship. Maybe I'm up for that too.

Inspiration found @redneckmusclehead

[saigawrites]

Hey siri, how to take care of an aura jelly blob?

Continuation of my series | part 1 | part 2

Seelie! Genshin characters x Platonic! Gn! Reader

Sumeru men edition

Tags : fluff, crack, scenarios

Warnings : cursing, mentions of animal attack

Summary : you took home a strange creature, that looked nothing like anything from your world. So, you try to take care and somehow live with this sentient balloon.

You didn't know what had happened at all. You didn't know how and why you took home an intellectual blob with pretty colors. But, right now there is no time asking questions, as this flying circle thing has been squeaking for about 30 minutes, trying to explain you something. You came up with an idea in your mind, but for a moment thought it would be impossible. But, who knows? Maybe this creature actually has an intelligence and can write what they wanna say on a notebook?

Grabbing a empty notebook and a pencil from your workspace table, you open it and give the pencil to the creature. Shockingly, it holds it with tiny arms, and levitating themselves closer to the paper, they start to scribble something.

Wanderer ♥︎

"Filthy humanoid creature! I am the unnamed wanderer from teyvat! I know nothing about the surrounding environment around me. Tell me, where am I, so I can figure out a way to return to my homeland. And don't you dare to take advantage of my current state! I am powerful beyond your understanding, even if I'm not in my original form."

Okay, that's kinda freaky. Why is an aura balloon acting all supreme now?

When you read what he wrote, an "really?" expression set on your face. That's probably why he zapped you when you took him out of your bag.

As much as you know, there isn't a place called "teyvat" in any part of the globe. So, this thing is from another one. Great. You somehow bringed an alien into your house.

But at least, some of your questions were answered.

You found a bit funny that a floating circle with cat ears and tail was deliberately trying to boss around, though you didn't wanna get electrocuted again, so you simply followed whatever demands this alien thing could have.

Oh, his demands were BIG. No sleeping past 6 AM, doing intense research on the topic of multidimensional lapping, and long explanations about literally everything your world can offer you.

Well, you are glad that you don't have to feed him or watch after him.

That last part was a lie, as this seemingly harmless boss companion of yours was dangerously curious, and happened to cause trouble even if he was as soft as jelly.

Yeah, that time he wanted to see what type of clothes do your humans wear, he shaked that closet a little too much, as it almost fell on you.

You learned that he is surprisingly very strong after that, he even helped you put the heavy wood rectangle back in place.

Or that time you both were taking a walk in the forest, and he came too close to an aggressive tank with antlers, a 6 feet tall moose, making him react violently to you.

Gladly, the moose couldn't come any closer as your blue-purple friend somehow casted a heavy gust of wind, strong enough to push the animal away.

Your angry little jelly blob rushed to your side after that, afraid of you damaging yourself in any way. After scanning your face for any injuries and finding none, the cat blob made sure to not to stray away from you far.

Kaveh ♡

"Thank you, kind-hearted humanoid! I was so scared when I woke up in that place. Your rescue will be forever remembered by me. I am Kaveh, the architect of the sumeru city! It is an honour to be acquainted with such a peculiar creature like you! Please, help me find a way for me to get back to my planet."

First off, did he mention sumeru? The ancient city that existed centuries ago? Second off, did he call you peculiar? These balls be wildin

The warm-yellow bunny eared balloon floated around you excitedly, waiting for your response. You wanted to pet him and slap him into the void at the same time.

You got his vibe just right in your first interaction. The jelly ball acted all cute and adorable, but the clinginess of his made you progress on the aggression part in the cuteness-aggression feeling way more.

Seriously, this piss blob's ignoring of your personal space is on another level. The amount of times you had to shove him away from nuzzling all over your face and hair is overwhelming.

In his eyes, you are a majestic architectural masterpiece. He takes notes how your eyes and ears are on the same level, how your brows are exactly perfect centimeters away from your eyes. He loves your nose structure, he often stares at it to much, gaining a questioning look from you.

He is just like that with literally everything else in your apartment. He takes notes of the proportions of some objects, and in his seelie mind he finds ways to project your modern structures into his own.

Other than disturbing your piece he likes to look out the window, stare down at all of the other buildings and examine them with extreme focus.

Sometimes he even tries to make a sketch with his itty bitty hands, but fails miserably and comes crying to you, burying himself in your arms and making you pet his smooth body.

Al-haitam ♥︎

"I am Al-haitam, and I come from another world, as you probably already have guessed from our appearance differences. I thank you for taking me into a safe environment, may the archons bless your kind-soul. I ask you to fulfill my another wish, help me return back."

Who are archons? Are they some kind of deitys? Gods perhaps? You truly don't know.

His calm and reserved behavior matched his talking style. He kinda reminded you of the mystical tree, his colors and a leaf like antenna confirmed your statement further.

That's probably why you would burst out laughing whenever the green aura circle would act all smart, reading books and watching educational videos on youtube with you.

Though, after laughing your ass off, you would always think of his behavior as cute in a way. So much that you would have to hold your hands in place and resist the urge to just squeeze the life out of him.

Sometimes you couldn't hold it tough, and give in to your desires, smiling and giggling as you nuzzle this jello orb body of his.

Fighting back and eventually winning, he would aggressively bring your communication notebook and write down that your relationship is purely professional and you are disturbing his necessary research.

Making a ridicilously serious face and nodding repeatedly you would leave him alone for some time, only to come back again to lay on him and fight in the process.

Eventually he would just give up and go with the flow of your playfulness, seeing as he got exhausted of reading multiple books already.

And when you would get tired, you both would just lay there, napping peacefully as he nuzzles in your chest, listening to your heartbeat and think of how strange you are in his world perspective.

After waking up from a quick nap, he would poke you with his tiny arms and tug you to stand up to go to the library with him.

He really loved your libraries, the sight of your extremely detailed and textured bookshelfs and scriptures would make him scream like a fangirl on the inside.

He also liked your concentrated state, with your reading glasses on and gaze fixed on the letters. He would enjoy it even more when you would take notes of the subject, he's genuinely amazed of your handwriting.

Cyno ♥︎

"I am the general Mahamatra, Cyno. I thank you for saving me from the streets. I would be more than happy if you could get me back in my world, teyvat. Thanks in advance, or should I say, in later on."

What the hell was that. Was it... a joke? Okay, now is not the time to question what type of humor does this purple circle has.

Oh, but he's questioning you, looking at you with such a attentive gaze. Is he waiting for you to laugh?

Fulfilling his wishes, you chuckled from the amusement of not getting the joke at all. The blob didn't care though, as he simply jiggled in his place, proud of himself.

From that moment you discovered that this alien orb is a terrible jokester, as he would literally pull you from whatever you were doing to just check his new made ones.

And everytime you couldn't help but laugh histerically at his antics, because you wouldn't get the premise at all. All of his jokes never made sense, but were the most hilarious thing you laughed at in a while.

And he would always jiggle with pride after you laughed, bro really thought he gained a fan of his jokes💀.

One day you thought about showing him your world's perspective of humor, as you sat him up on the couch and turned on the tv with popular comedy shows.

Safe to say he would repeatedly jump from his seat, and roll on the couch from side to side, as his purple anubis ears would jiggle uncontrollably.

You took it as a sign of him liking it, and soon enough you both had a routine of watching comedy shows and gasp from laughing.

At first you thought he was just a happy go lucky guy, not realizing he can be sort of a guard dog.

Really, you only saw him being serious when he sensed something and flew to it's direction, only for it to be a racoon that he scared away with mini thunder.

Now you got why he was such a bright color of purple. Not gonna lie, you were a little scared to hold him after that, afraid he'll electrocute the shit out of you😰.

But it never happened, so you guess he's only friendly to you? Honestly, you felt kinda honored to have this status.

Tighnari ♡

"Greetings, suspectable another species of humankind. I am Tighnari, the forest ranger of the sumeru region. It is a pleasure to be in your natural environment, being able to study your world. Though, I would appreciate it if you could help me return back to sumeru. I still have a ton of things to do back there, so please, make sure to fulfill my request."

Is he some type of a scientist? "A pleasure to be in your natural environment, being able to study your world" yeah, my ass.

And he was an ass. Pain in the ass, to be exact.

He wouldn't leave you alone, wherever you would go or whenever time it was. He was always around you, floating and examining your features.

He just can't help himself, you look so strange! And everything around you looks so strange. He just has to know atleast something about the place he is in right now, what type of setting it is, how does it work, and yada yada yada...

That's what lead you to the situation you are in now, as he peeked out of your hoodie pocket, staring at all the contests of the supermarket you were in.

Even if you had told him already a thousand times that he can't go with you because he doesn't look like everybody else, he didn't listen and sneaked inside your clothes, successfully getting out of the house with you.

You desperately tried to cover his enormous ears with your hands, stuffing him further inside the pocket only for him to pop out from the other side. What a nosy aura blob.

It would get even worse when he would fly out to scan some object like salty pickles, thinking of it as peculiar, when in reality the only thing that's peculiar was him.

He would closely watch whenever you would put something in the cart, taking notes on how you hold the product and how you place it inside the metal structure.

He especially got very freaky about your world's greenery, demanding you to go out with him into a park, a nearby forest or literally anywhere where there is some type of plants.

You instead decided to take him into a local botanical garden, and when I say he went crazy, he went crazy.

Stopping every 3 minutes to find a new plant and examine it for about 20 minutes you and him spent the whole day in that garden.

He would poke your shoulder to it being numb, asking you to explain or tell what kind of plant it is, where does it grow, how does it grow, can we take it home, all that nerdy shit.

You did end up taking some small house plants afterwards, due to his unstoppable crying and squeaking, like a child wanting their parent to buy candy in the store.

He then made sure to always bug you to take care of the plant, saying that he is "incapable" of doing so himself. What a troublesome circle.

Oof, this ones LONG. And I'm proud of it😜. Genuinely hope you enjoy this, cuz I spent an eternity writing this😭.

Tag : @vault-of-reblogs

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my husband to stop taking NyQuil?

My father in law came to visit for Thanksgiving and gave my family (me 30F, and our kids 2F, .5F) covid. It's hit my husband (31M) the hardest. He has a terrible cough that hurts and sounds awful. He can't sleep without taking NyQuil to suppress the cough. I am not able to take any medicine other than Tylenol for my headache, because I am breastfeeding the baby.

This wouldn't matter much because I am not nearly as sick as my husband, but I am not getting better because I am not getting sleep. Neither kid will sleep longer than 2 hours at a time, they take about 30-45 minutes to settle back down, and they usually end up waking in a staggered schedule that means I literally do not get to sleep the entire night. As soon as I lie down from getting one back to bed, the other will start crying. My husband will handle the toddler from 8-11pm, then takes NyQuil and doesn't wake up until after 10 the next morning. He is essentially dead to the world until he wakes up naturally. I am alone all night and morning with no sleep and two crying children. My mental health is tanked, to the point where I'm having intrusive suicidal thoughts for the first time in almost 10 years. I haven't had more than 90 minutes of sleep at a time in 5 days, and no more than 4 hours in a 24 hour period. I am incredibly lucky that I have unlimited sick time available at work.

My mom has been able to help us a couple of times when we were truly desperate, but she is disabled (and also has covid because she had my in-laws over for coffee while they were in town) and I don't want to ask too much of her because she truly can't spend that much energy on us without severe impact to her own health.

My husband will get no sleep without NyQuil. I won't get much more sleep since the baby only calms by breastfeeding, but if my partner handles the toddler wake ups I could get maybe an hour more sleep, and I wouldn't feel so alone.

Would I be the asshole if I ask him to stop taking NyQuil and we both so more or less sleepless?

INFO I couldn't fit in nicely but I can imagine people asking if this were a parenting circle: 1) he isn't a great help during the day already because he's sick. I'm doing most of the childcare and all of the cooking and cleaning during the day while he lays on the couch coughing. Him not getting sleep would not noticeably impact his daytime behavior. When we aren't sick, he is a stay at home parent and I work full time. 2) my baby is sick, this is not the time to sleep train her by letting her cry until she falls back to sleep. 3) My toddler up until this illness was excellent about putting herself back to sleep if she woke in the night. Now she is having nightmares and getting upset about her stuffy nose and crying at every little thing because she has sinus pain and doesn't understand it. She is too young to take decongestants and spits out any Tylenol we try to give her.

What are these acronyms?

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Trapped Inside A Scapegoat: Astral Traveling & The Truth About Certain Demons & Entities

So I wanted to bring up some things about demons, lower entities and the dream states that we fall into when we are asleep in the night. I will never forget my first encounter of seeing the unseen, but one particular story I have in mind puts me back into a spell.. Its like a hazy feeling, I never knew how to explain the things that happened but it scared me to the point that I could never sleep past 2:30, and if I was still awake I stayed awake until dawn. Boy, high school was a drag.

Just an fyi, if you dont believe in spirits or the spiritual realm then this isnt for you. k? k. <3

On these nights I couldn't sleep, it would be because of the sleep paralysis that would happen and the weird energy I would be forced to recognize during these hours. As well as seeing things that just did not make sense, I would look at the clock to see it was either 2 am to 4 am. Never an in between.

So, I wanted to go in with a little story time, maybe this will help me unbox some things that happened. Because after a long ole while, after this event, my life changed... seemingly more depressive, and anxiety would be in the forefront of my reality for a long while.

Back when I was a teen, I remember cakin' on the phone with this one guy I had the biggest crush on, and it was around 2:30 at the time. At about 3:00 I told him I was tired and quickly laid down to rest.

So let me give you guys some details. I normally like to rest on one side of my body, typically on the right side and in my room I face the window. So from my memory, our conversation lasted til 3:08. I NEVER forgot the time. Sometimes Im a quick dreamer, so I go to bed pretty easily. Anywho, I remember the dream started where I was in my room. It was really interesting, me and a few people that I knew from high school (and my old school that I had just recently moved away from) were practicing some cheers because we were training to be on the cheer team. It was weird. In the dream some of them had on cheerleader gear, and some of them we're outside the front of my room where I could see them thru the window. The girls told me they would be right back as they we're going to get their things for the cheerleading competition/training, they run out the room and the next thing you here is a bunch of rumbling... theirs voices speaking from around the room but i don't see nobody. next thing you know everything goes black. the blacker it gets the louder the voices... i realize from this point their speaking in an unfamiliar language... latin almost. or whatever they were saying was backwards... at this point i was able to open my eyes and i see a dark figure standing right in front of me. What took me off guard was that its eyes, they we're like stars and had this intriguing shine to it. It was 'bald' but had a human-like body but no mouth ears and barely even a nose... I could feel it touching me, the back of my neck had chills as you can tell thats where it was touching on me. I grew scared but remembered I could get up.

And then boom. I woke up.

But this is what i thought was weird. Remember when I said I was sleeping on my side? I woke up on my back, facing the mirror. I looked at the time and it was 3:16 am.

What. The. Fuck.

I had barely slept? How could that be? All of this happened within a matter of minutes. I was exhausted. I said, 'Was this the devil?'

Quickly I ran into my grandparents room, lmao, yeah I know. I was scareeeeeeeed. My room felt cold after that. I had to go.

And for a while, that wouldn't be my last encounter. I mean, the thing went away, but there was more to come. At this point, I had to face the mirror. I mean literally face the mirror because its the center of the room and my bed faces it. But I had to sleep... This would go on for many months until one day it just.. sorta stopped. I began my journey of law of attraction, numerology, and metaphysics at this point and grew a little happier. So maybe it was destiny.

So let me get into a few things about this dark shadow being and some tips about whats going on:

Mirrors are shapeshifting portals. Their portals to other dimensions. And 'entities' can & will come through here in the access of dreams/illusions/nightmares etc.

3 am is considered the 'devil-hour' - this is when the veil to the spirit realm is unlocked and you can see more outside of the veil.

Fear and lower energies can 'attract' these beings to your door step. They can smell it on you.

That 'shadow' being could be insight to whats deep inside of yourself. Your power. Your Energy. Your light. Even on the other side it's noticed.

So when I seen this being, I was shook out of my mind. But wait.. after moments and time of introspection. I've learned that it's mirroring back at me something I never thought I would ever thought was me.

Months later I digged into astrology, numerology, found some things about angel numbers, started trying to process the spiritual realm much more clearly. Because the thing kept happening to me, and I was always an anxious & yet fearful girl, I knew there was a bit more strength in me.

When the thing came, I was trying to get out a depression when I was at my old school and once I had finally returned back to my hometown I was little happy. But at night, our darkest feelings, our inner shadow shows its weight, and also our potential.

I've tried tapping into that 'fear', and have learned there is so much more about me due to the dreams I've had of my future. It takes me back to the shadow figure from that night. Because why we're you there?

Also, what stuck to me the most was that a friend at the time told me that if you see something like that and it touches you, some sort of witchcraft might be on you... another topic, for another day I suppose.

But it always stuck with me, because... how so?

At the time when I was in high school and seen these weird entities because again, this went on for MONTHS. Every other day and night. I noticed before then I had a fear complex, thats what I'll call it. Always anxious, always sad, always depressed, been that way since a young girl. So now we get to the part where we talked about a trapped consciousness.

Because immediately when that happened, I went straight to church with my grandma ! Lol. No jokes. And later found out it was not the answer I needed. It wasn't working. Not to say going to church can't help or save someone, it just didn't have the answer I thought I needed. I went looking for some time when I would go.

What I want to say is, when you see things you cannot explain. You cannot run to the church, religion, or even a 'savior', because at the end of the day YOU have to learn it. You have to come to terms with it. And I've been learning. So so very hard, and its begin to giving me the dream & insight of what was truly around the corner.

My ancestors dream. Metaphysics, Clairvoyance, My dreams where trying to come thru in the astrals and when you are at your lowest these 'things' can come in and try to warp your mind/gifts/talents/ etc.

The final thing I will say here is that they feed off our spirits because in the lower realms they need 'fuel' to get to 'heaven' and you are the source of that. We the human are 'heaven' and some entities are parasitical and need life force to move to the other side.

So fear, guilt, shame, anxiety, depression etc is one of the lowest frequencies to be on because it is denser and its harder to move 'up'.

And when you live in those vibrations, your blocking your own destiny. Your truth, your light, your power all is unlocked once you move past it.

Another thing I will say is that not all 'lower entities' are evil. But for the sake of talking about demons and entities, I will save that for another post, to leave out any confusion.

[cosmo-production]

mario + rabbids incorrect quotes vol:2

*The Squad is on a hike* RL: It’s beautiful out here. peach: And quiet. RL: Too quiet. peach: Did we lose someone? *cut to edge with a bear in a headlock*

peach: Rabbid luigi is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! RM: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

mario & RR:*Playing video games* peach: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games? mario: *silence* RR: *silence* peach, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you? mario & RR in shame: Yeah...

peach: Okay, what does A stand for? RL: Arson. peach: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for? RL: Barson. mario: *laughter* peach: What stands for C? RL: Commit arson. mario: Oooo.  peach: D! RL: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson. mario: *more laughter*

RM: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at luigi’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

Computer: Please enter a password. Rm: *types in edge* Computer: Your password is too weak. Rm: How f?$$ing DARE YOU-

RP: Yeah, but let's not get too crazy. *The gang proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes

RM, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! peach, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

RM: Come on edge, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that... edge: Yes I can, 8 dollars.

mario: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? RP: Schrödinger's boys. luigi: MARIO WTH RL: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? RM: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. RM: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. mario: ... RP: ... luigi: ... RL: ... RM: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

peach, teaching RP to drive: Okay, you're driving and mario and RM walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? RP: Oh, definitely RM. I could never hurt mario. peach, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

RM: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions. RL: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions. luigi: Who's caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist? RM: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions?

hold on stop the quotes for a second, THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS!? caramelizing doesnt mean putting carmel on it? I've been calling caramelizing when I put caramel on ice cream

back to regular program~

RM: As usual, RM has to save the day! edge: As usual, edge has to hear about it

peach: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie. RR: Ooh, can we get some actual pie? peach: I like the way you think.

mario: *shatters a window and climbs through it* mario: *turns around and helps RL through it* Breaking and entering is wrong RL. RL: Okay.

edge: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? edge: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

peach, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick! RL: Moose Tracks is good! RR: What the bawh is that!? RL: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo- RR: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR. peach and RL: what? RR: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!? peach: You done now? RR: Yeah ok. peach and RL: ... RR: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

*RM and RR are fighting* edge, taking aspirin: I have a headache! Can you guys just be cool?! *RM and RR start fighting while wearing sunglasses and riding skateboards*

RP: What the hell is wrong with you? RM: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

RM: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths. Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

mario, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

peach: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? RP: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know. peach: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

edge: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. RR: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

[kyojurismo]

oh sorry sorry this was my sleep schedule -went to bed at 2:30am -woke up at 7:45am -fell asleep at 1pm -woke up at 5:24pm still fucked as SHIT but hey fuck it we ball LMFAO BUT OMGGGG YESS kyojuro dealing with nightmares tho :(( waking up in a panic to a man who sleeps as light as I do (I wake up at my brother's laugh) just waking up alongside you and holding ur hand :(( reassuring you that you're safe, that it was just a nightmare, etc etc and I firmly stand by this man handling most things like a champ you're sick? nauseous and things happen? he's got it in the bag aforementioned, period? bleedthrough? he's got it cleaned up before you can say his name nightmares? the most gentle being. even showing you interesting things, like maybe his battle scars and explaining the stories behind them, or stories from when his mother was alive <3 like he has everything handled like a champ bro and tengen is very similar, but with nightmares he's quicker to distract and comfort you afterwards. definitely exaggerating some of his stories from his scars, telling funny stories about hina, makio and suma, stories that he comes up with right on the spot. man thinks that food or a drink is the solution to any problem-- likely asked shinobu what teas may help relax someone, or if you don't drink tea another soothing aide. I just feel he's very thorough with how he takes care of you, especially after nightmares. he wouldn't want you to relive them, so he'd just give you a quick peck and ask you the most random thing. maybe about your favorite.. something, if he already knows it he'll ask you about it. christ I got carried away MY BAD NDJKGSSKG 🪐

oooh, i thought you meant 5am lmao i’m dumb, anyway we have a similar sleeping schedule btw bc i usually go to sleep at 3 am and wake up around 8:20 am, then i take a nap around 2:30 pm and wake up at like 5:30 / 5:40 pm so yeah

anyway . . . i agree, kyojuro is like a mum ( positive ) i mean he knows how to handle every single situation and is quick to find a solution anyway ( it’s canon after all ). tengen would surely be the one to prepare tea or anything to help you relax and literally come up w funny stories on the spot, yeah. i love them sm 🥹

these scenarios were really cute, i enjoyed reading all that so no worries if u got carried away hehe. i love them boys and i’m glad to read about other’s thoughts about them in x situation <3 i’m happy you like sharing them w me

[slutwithagut]

Post #2

The amount of cigarettes I’m smoking is insane for someone with no income! It’s time to ration. It would be cheaper to roll my own… but I don’t know how to roll. Maybe now is the time to finally learn? I digress. We will worry about that at a later time n date.

I have a close friend who employs me to give him rides home from work. Usually every Monday he needs a ride home from work around 8:10 pm because he goes in at 8 something the next day. Occasionally he asks for rides from the local trolley stop that’s about a 10 minute drive from my house.

I bring this up because my weekly income is about $28 on a good week.

So I need to chill on the tobacco.

Things were easier when I smoked spliff bowls (mole bowls, moke bowls, party bowls, whatever u wanna call them) which is cannabis mixed with tobacco. I’ve purchased a great many bags of bugler tobacco. It’s much more cost effective then buying a pack of cigs. The bugler pouch is roughly good for about 30 cigs versus the 20 you find pre rolled. It costs $7/$8 while a pack of cigs is $10/$11

I had purchased a joint rolling machine and filters earlier this year to roll my own. I found it just didn’t hit the same. I also proceeded to break the joint roller. A common theme in my life. Breaking useful objects due to carelessness and or intoxication. If only y’all knew me when I did XANAX and drank heavily while popping. I broke so many things… three lovely bongs, a babyliss hair straightener, bottles, and endured countless bruises and scratches. I also strained some of my personal relationships as you don’t give a single solitary FUCK when your xanned out.

So moral of the story is I am going to start rationing out my cigarettes.

I might buy a vape but I have to go on the black market for one and it seems like such a hassle.

Smoking cigarettes may seem glamorous and look cool. It feeds my oral fixation. But it makes you stink. I literally need to buy gum, scented hand sanitizer, and a small bottle of body spray so I don’t smell bad.

Wish my luck my loves! It ain’t easy trying to kick my vices.

It’s also 12:19 a.m. while I write this. My brain is tired but my body is on high alert. I do suffer from insomnia and weed helps that a lot.

It’s tough to learn how to live my life with out mind altering substances. I also find myself becoming more irritable. I might need to up the dosage on my medicine. I also kind of want to ask my doctor for sleeping pills… but it seems wrong? Since they have a potential for abuse. It would be nice to actually be able to fall asleep around the same time every night. I’ll probably be up until 2 or 3.

If I fall asleep before that I usually wake between 3 and 4 to pee. Then toss and turn till 6 or 7. Get up, smoke a cigarette and if I’m lucky fall back a sleep for a bit. I awake groggy and feeling worse than when I first woke. But still I nap after waking up. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’m going to start wearing my FitBit smart watch to bed again so I can track my sleep. It lets you know how many times you wake up, how deep your sleep was, etc. and it gives you a sleep score for the night. I want to see if my sleep is truly fucked up enough to constitute medicine. The less pills I’m on the better. But sleep is important and staying up late with my thoughts is not the most pleasant experience.

At least now I have you guys to talk and write to, to pass the time.

Restlessly,

D

[queenquinzel715]

I posted 44 times in 2022

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#5

Pt 1.2

1. HalfOrc Cai 18+

Warning: Extreme Abuse, Gore, Sexual Theme

Wrd count: 1,211

(Y/n) P.O.V

I would never understand my father, and I know he'd never understand me. I felt that every living breathing thing should have a chance to be their own person, where my father is a hunter of many creatures. He even partakes in The Creature Games, and when my brothers were of age he took them. Mother was the one that tried to teach us that everyone has a heartbeat, and it can break just like ours. I became absolutely sick of my whole household when my father walked in with a servant that was half orc, and would literally push him around. At night I'd bring him some real food, instead of the stale bread my father would give him. We became very close during that time, he'd tell me about his battles throughout life, and I'd tell him about the arguments with my father.

One night after a long hot day of working we fell asleep talking. I woke to my father snatching me off of the ground.

"Who knew my own daughter is a whore, for a creature no less." His grip on my arm becomes bone crushing. "You don't move." He orders Cai, and pulls me out of the room.

"Father please. I'm sorry." I beg as I trip over my feet.

My mother and my brothers come into the hall from the commotion. My mother tries to get him to let me go, but he just throws her off. My brothers don't try to touch him, just follow behind him, trying to get him to listen. He throws me into my room, causing me to fall to my knees as he locks me inside.

"No one is to let that whore out until I'm done with her!" He yells at my family.

I hear his heavy footsteps walk away, and my brothers follow. My mother lightly knocks on the door to let me know she is there. I run to my window as I hear yelling outside. My father is dragging Cai to the tree in the middle of the field, and my brothers are tripping behind him. I fall to my knees losing my will to stand. I couldn't stomach to watch him hurt Cai. The sounds of the whip, Cais scream of agony, and my sobs filled the air for a good hour. I thought he was done, but when I heard his footsteps get closer, and my mother's frantic voice. I knew he wasn't done. He comes into the room, throwing his bloody whip on the floor, and grabbing me by my hair. My mother tries getting between us, but he throws her to the ground.

"I will not have this family letting those creatures think they are nothing, but animals!" He throws me to my bed.

I try to get to the other side, but he already has my ankle in his hand. He ties me, on my stomach, to the bed posts. I can hear my mother beg him, but he just locks the door. All I hear is him moving around, and then the worst burning sharp pain. The scream I released would shatter the devil's heart. He didn't go as long as he did on Cai, but I still was fighting to stay awake. I start to lose my sight when I see my mother run to me apologizing over and over.

I started to wake up feeling the heat of the sun on my face, but I couldn't move. I'm still strapped to the bed, but I am on my side instead. I feel something wet, cold, and stings on my back. I turn my head to see my mother's hair.

"I'm so sorry I can't untie you. Your father has gone completely mad." She comes around my bed to kneel in front of my face. "I have a salve on your back that will help with the pain, but I made you that tea you love." She gives me a soft smile, and helps me drink. "Your brothers are helping Cai. He seems to be healing a lot quicker. Already sitting up." I squeeze my eyes shut as my eyes start to water. "I know honey." She gives my arm a soft pat.

Once night came I was able to actually sit up, my back had the salve linens mother put on. I try not to look out the window, but it's all I can do right now until mother or my brothers wake up. I know my father is still here, because I hear his footsteps stomping around. My stomach falls as my door starts to open, but when Cai's head comes into the moonlight I almost squeal out. My mother comes in behind him, carrying a candle, and an empty bag.

"I'm getting you out of here." He moves the blanket off my body. "Can you move at all?" He looks over my body.

"I can move my legs, but standing is straining." I look over as my mother puts some of my things, and a jar of the salve in the bag.

He helps me stand up, and holds me to his chest as my mother changes my bandages and changes my dress. I hold onto his arms as he steps back. I give him a worried look.

"Cai? What is going on?"

"We are going to Silentdew, and once we meet the King, your mother will come with your brothers." He kisses my forehead as I nod.

"(Y/n)? Please know I am so sorry." My mother comes to us, handing the bag to Cai.

"I love you mother. It isn't your fault he did this." She hugs me the best she could.

"Alright you two get going. You have a bit of a journey."

As we sneak around the halls my heart was steady hammering in my chest. I just know he'd kill us all if he knew we were leaving. I hug Cai's arm to my body, mostly for support, but for something to help my hands from shaking. My mother kisses my cheek before she opens the backdoor. I squeeze her arm as Cai leads me to the waiting carriage. My brothers were there keeping the horses quiet, and hooking everything up.

"Be good to her." My eldest brother, Burgess,told Cai.

"She'll have the world." Cai told him as he helped me into the carriage, shutting the door.

My brothers crowd the door, giving me sympathetic looks.

"We are so sorry we didn't stop him." My brother, Milgard tells me.

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86 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#4

Sons of Anarchy

Opie 18+

Word Count 2,619

Y/n P.O.V.

       Leaving Belfast was the best thing I could have done with my life, so when my Uncle Chibs told me I could live with him I ran to Charming. Seeing ruthless killing left and right wasn't something I wanted to do, granted Charming has killings, but you didn't see them in the streets. When I got to Charming I didn't believe how small the town was, and how blinding it was.  

          Chibs got me a job with him at Teller-Morrow garage, but in the office. That gave me an easy way to meet all the guys. I didn't really talk to anyone, especially at their parties, yes I drank, and had my fun, but I kept to myself. I met Opie my second week here, first day on the job, and since then I've seen him around me. When he's not working he's sitting on the couch in the office, and I find myself looking at him. 

"So you and Opie huh?" My uncle Chibs asks me, nudging my side.

"What are you talking about?" I laugh as I put papers in the file cabinet. 

         Before Chibs could say anything Opie walks in, and sits comfortably on the couch, looking between me and Chibs. Chibs looks at me with his eyebrows raised, but chuckles as he leaves. 

"What's up with him?" Opie asks. 

"He's just old." We laugh as I get back to work.

      We talked as I finished working, and when I'm done he walked me to my car. I finally got my apartment a couple months ago. I love my uncle, but he's still a man. As I'm driving back to the garage two bikes comeuppance behind me, and then one in front of me. I had to swerve my car to stop from hitting them, and they drove past me. When I come to a stop I call Chibs, my hands shaking as I wait for him to answer. I barely hear him answer over my heart pounding in my ears. 

"I'm broken down on Denton street." Is all I can get out. 

       I leaned my head against the headrest, but I couldn't calm down. I hear bikes coming up behind the car. I knew it wasn't to guys, because they'd be in front of me. I look in the mirror to see five bikes, four of them stay by their bikes as one walks toward my door. As we walked closer I tucked my gun in the waistband of my jeans, and when I looked up I was pulled out of my seat. 

"Look at the little reaper whore." The group laughs at his statement. 

"We should take her back to the clubhouse, and keep her." One says.

          While I push the guy that is squeezing my arm I put my gun in his face, making him back up, and have my back to my car. Before anything could happen, headlights come towards us, and when I hear the grumbles of the tow truck I start to calm down. Opie gets out of the truck to immediate gun fire, so they could get onto their bikes. Opie and I shoot back as we use my car as cover. As they drive off Opie shoots after them, I just lean against the hood of the car. 

        The shooting stops, and a moment later I feel Opie's hand running up my back. I quickly spin around, cuddling my face to his chest, and grabbing onto his shirt. 

"It's okay. Let's get back." He talks into my ear. "Go ahead, and get in the truck." He goes to walk away, but I grip him.

        He helped me into the truck, making sure I knew he'd be back, but I still watched him as he got my car hooked up. When he is done I hold onto his arm as he drives back to the garage. Some guys are outside when we pull up, so they run to get my uncle and Clay. I still grip onto Opie's sleeve as we get out the truck. My uncle rushes toward me, but slows down when he sees me. I quickly tell them what happened, and Clay calls church immediately. Opie didn't even pull away, he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, and turns me to look at him. 

"Go to my room, and try to relax." Opie tells me. "I swear I'll be there soon." He kisses my forehead. 

         As soon as I let go of his arm I rushed to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, and thought things over. How my uncle could be right, how easily people could still get me, and how Opie acted tonight. 

Opie P.O.V

"Someone explain to me how Mayans got so close to the club, and why (y/n) was their target?" Chibs angrily questions around the table. 

          I fume as I sit quietly next to him as I picture how pale her face was, her body shaking, and how she clinged to me. As the meeting went on Clay told Juice to look into anything different in the Mayans money flow while he, Jax, and Chibs went to talk to Álvarez. 

"She needs to be on lock down until we figure this out. I'll have the prospect …" Clay starts. 

"No. She won't let him near her. She'll stay by me." I cut him off. 

           He locks eyes with me before hitting the gavel on the table, ending church. I'm trying to get around people, but chibs pull me toward the hallway. 

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115 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

#3

Part 1

1.2 Halforc Cai

Warning: Sexual Theme

(Y/n) P.O.V

The journey to Silentdew was filled with rain, and bad winds that caused us to stop and camp. I hated how I couldn't help Cai get the small camp set up. However when Cai would gently change my bandages I didn't mind the pain so much. During our resting Cai would hunt something for the both of us, and he would usually bring a couple rabbits. He didn't sleep inside the carriage. I did tell him I didn't mind, but he insisted. Didn't matter though I still couldn't sleep without picturing my father.

When we got close enough to see the castle of Silentdew I started getting nervous. Will they even believe us? What if the King sends me back, and they actually kill Cai this time? What if this whole welcome creatures thing is a ploy to trap them for the games?

As we waited for the King, Cai kept me tucked into his side. Once it was our turn to walk into the throne room I clinged to Cai's shirt. As we got closer I felt a calm sense come over me like I am finally safe.

"What kind of sanctuary do you require?" He asks.

"We are hiding from her father who beat us, Sire. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that." Cai tells him honestly.

"Do you wish to be here?" King Jule looks right at me when he asks this.

"Yes Sire. We didn't do anything wrong." I told him.

King Jule didn't ask us many questions. He simply needed to hold our hand for a moment, to which I learned is a fae power to look inside someone's memory. He sent me to a fae healer to help with my back. Although the fae healer joked saying my mother must be fae, because the healing salve she made was making great progress already. She told me to just keep doing what I was told as long as it's not infected it should be fine.

As I was with the healer Cai stood outside with King Jule, and when he told King Jule his abilities in the fields King Jule had a job for him as head cropper. He gave us room in the orcs quarters close to the healer just in case, and until our cottage was finished. Cai insisted he build it himself to make sure it was built right. He's been the best man to me. He only would kiss my forehead, and sleep on the floor to not hit my back.

Tonight I was waiting for Cai to return as I made the ginormous bed we were given. It was big enough to hold two orcs, which is why I found it ridiculous that he would sleep on the floor. Anyhow I'm finally healed, and I've found no more excuses. I heard his deep sigh as he walked inside, and stop when he sees me trying to move the blanket.

"What are you doing?" He chuckles as he leans against the wall.

"Well since I'm all healed I thought I would make the bed properly for us." I simply tell him while I tuck the pillow under the blanket.

"Us? I sleep on the floor." He gets so confused.

"Cai you told me it was so you didn't hit my back. Well I'm completely healed now, so I don't see why you have to keep sleeping on the floor." I stop making the bed to face him.

"You are completely healed?" He asks, taking a step from the wall.

"That's what the healer told me this…" I'm cut off by Cai lifting me over his shoulder.

I squeal from surprise as he starts to casually walk. The orc women that we walked passed giggled at me. He doesn't stop until we are some ways away from the castle, and sets me on my wobbly feet.

"What is the matter with you?" I hit his arm.

"Turn around." He tells me while laughing.

I huff in frustration as I turn around. I'm met with the most beautiful cottage with a wood porch, and lovely flower bed surrounding the entire house. I'm completely lost for words as Cai guides me inside.

"I only have the kitchen, and this area finished, but the bedroom is just about done." He points to an area behind the kitchen.

"This is absolutely perfect, Cai." I smile wide as I turn to him.

He smiles down at me as his arm goes around my waist, and slightly pulls me toward his chest. His other hand rests against my cheek as he leans down. I stand on my toes to get closer as his lips connect to mine, and my hands hold onto his shoulders. His arm lowers under my ass to lift me up. There is a seating couch on the side of the room that he lays me on that completely surrounding me, but looks like a love seat to him. He kisses me harder as he leans over me. I moan against his lips when his hand opens my legs, so he can rest in between them. I have to pull back for a breath. My dress is ripped down the middle as he kisses along my stomach and up to my chest. I run my hands along his big shoulders. His hand goes with the curve of my body as it arches against his chest.

"Cai, I need you please.'' I moan out.

His hands move to my hips to hold me up as his tip rubs against my opening. My breathing stops as he starts to enter me, but his soft kisses to my face make me take a deep breath. He rubs his hands down my arm and thigh as he sits to give me a moment. Me tightening against him made him start to pull out until he was almost out, he kissed me deeply before snapping back into me.

"Cai!" I moan out against his lips.

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121 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#2

Happy 18+ Abuse warning

Word count 2,935

Happy 18+ abuse warning

Y/n P.O.V

Helping people is all I ever wanted to do, so when a job opened up to be an in -home caregiver I took it. I did have to move closer to be in Bakersfield, so I ran at the opportunity. I currently live an hour away, and found a great little house. I needed to get out of Potterville.

During my move I sent my patient, Mrs. Lowman, my information just so we could get to know each other. I know it could be uncomfortable for a stranger to come into your home, and start moving things. I found out my house is actually across the street from her home. When she saw me unloading, she brought a plate of little pastries, and we laughed when we learned who was who.

Today I started my actual job. I'm usually nervous, but it's like I'm seeing a friend. I put her medicine schedule in my phone alarm, got her food for the day, and just sat around with her until she needed something. She was sick, but it didn't mess with her until the afternoon. While she'd wake up from her nap she'd tell me about her son, Happy, and I could tell he's her heart.

Happy P.O.V

I knew when I saw her name come across my phone I knew she was going to need something.

"Yes ma'am." I answer.

"Son, I want you to come meet my new nurse. She's been here for a couple weeks now." Momma talked like I wasn't even here. "She's such a sweet girl, and can't wait to meet you. I've told her almost everything about you." She laughs. "I'll be making lunch Friday, and will see you here." She then hangs up.

I grumble to myself as I pocket my phone, and notice it's getting dark. I gotta tell Jax I'm heading to Bakersfield. He asks if mom's okay, and I tell him she's fine. I'm packing my duffel bag as a thought hits me of how my mom said certain things. "Can't wait to meet me." like I'm getting set up. I say bye to the guys, and as I'm sitting on my bike I think. I know it's my mom, but why does she do this? I'm not ready to settle down yet.

Y/n P.O.V

Today when I walked into Mrs.Lowman's house she had bowls of different things out. I walk around the kitchen, racking through my head trying to remember if it's a holiday, or if she had plans.

"Oh sweetie I didn't hear you come in." Mrs.Loman scares me when she just pops up.

"Did you have plans today Mrs.Lowman? I don't remember." I take the box of different spices, putting it on the counter.

"That's because I didn't tell you. My son is coming for the night, so I have to make his favorites." She smiles so big as she sets everything up. "You're staying too."

I just say yes ma'am, and get to work helping her cook. She seemed to be in good spirits today, so I just stirred. She made so many different European dishes like dolma, soup, and some flaky pastries. While she was wrapping the dolma a motorcycle pulled into the driveway.

"Oh that's him." She wipes her hands as she walks to the door.

I stay in the kitchen, finishing the rest of the dolma, to let them greet each other. I was taking the empty bowl to the sink when Mrs.Lowman came back with a tall, bald, sexy man in a leather vest. It took me a second to realize Mrs.Lowman was talking.

"She's been a real help around here." She rubs my arm as she walks around me. "Everyone sit, we can have soup as we wait for the dolma to finish." She practically pushes us into seats next to each other.

"Mrs.Lowman I can do that." I try to stop her.

"I can put soup in a bowl." She's sassy when she wants to be, so I just hold my hands up.

Happy just looks at me, like he's trying to understand something. While we eat the only talking comes from Mrs.Lowman. Happy tries to talk, but she beats him to it. I smile watching them together. She still treats him like a kid, sad he gets grumpy like one, trying to move away. The dolma dings, but I notice she's getting droopy. I must have been making a face, because Happy looks from me to her.

"Why don't you go take your nap, and we'll eat this for dinner?" I offer, taking the oven mitts from her. "I might save you a piece of your pastry." I giggle.

"Alright. Just don't let me sleep too long."

"I won't, I promise. Let me get this out, and I'll help you get into bed."

"I'll take it out." Happy jumps up, and turns the oven off.

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130 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Damaris pt.1

1,969 wc

You know those fairytales stories about the princess being locked away in a tower, and her true love saves her? Have you ever thought about why the princess is there? You see I got scared one day when three men grabbed me, and tried to pull me into the woods near my father's kingdom. When I screamed I, somehow, opened the ground causing the men to fall into fire, and I covered myself in a protective ring of fire. I tried telling my parents what happened, but they didn't listen. They kept saying this was for my own protection. Granted I was called devil's daughter, Lilith, hell's demon, along with a lot more, but I knew they were only scared of me.

Before my parents left me, they told me why I can do what I did. Apparently my father is a whore who broke the heart of a fae. He played with her heart only to cut her ears, and he left her there. As he told me this horrid act I could see pride in his eyes as his mouth sounded of regret. The day after they left the woman that supposedly cursed me showed up. At first I was worried about her being there, but after she explained she's an actual goddess that was sent to test my father for what's to come. She swore to me I was never cursed, however she did curse my father from never having children again. For that I will forever be grateful. She taught me about my ancestors, the power they all had, but when humans came the power was locked away.

While she taught me of the power I had, she would share with me what she's been through. She was called many names Mother Nature, Demeter, Terra, but her actual name is Kefira.

As I grew older I could control all the elements. What surprised us the most was, I could also overpower animals. Everything was going so well until she walked into the kitchen this morning.

"You'll be free soon, and you'll be taking over my role in this world." She softly smiles at me.

"What do you mean? You'll be back right?" I stood as I started to get worried.

"I've been teaching you how to be the balance for this world, and once your power is full I will be sent back to empyrean. Where I can relax, and watch over your wonderful work." She rests her hand on my shoulder.

"So you'll die?" I query.

"A goddess never dies, Love. I will still be able to come see you, help you, and anger you just as I do now." She laughs as I roll my eyes at her.

Since there is nothing I can do but wait, we spent our day reading different scrolls on creatures. Kefira told me when I first got locked away the creatures got tired of running, so they all came together overpowering all kingdoms. My only hope is that my kingdom still stands, but I know my parents are gone. Just by the way they treated me I just knew they'd do something wrong.

"Y/n." Kefira calls to me as she stares out the window.

As I stand next to her I watch smoke clouds come from an area in the woods. A bird flies over the trees, so I overtake it to get a better look. Flying through the camp I see many creatures, and humans. I'm drawn to a large tent in the middle of this rather large group, and as I land at the tent's opening I hear talking inside.

"We'll scope it out for now, but it looks like it's in ruin." I hear a deep voice that makes my body shiver.

"I did see smoke coming out of the tower this morning, so maybe someone is in the tower." Another voice says.

I can only assume they mean my tower, so I fly around to get more information. Sadly nothing important, so I let the bird have its body back. Once back in my body I'm in my bed with Kefira staring out of the window. I can feel the air difference, and I just know everything will change.

"Is this what you meant, but I don't understand how they found me?" I thought aloud as I walked toward Kefira.

She sighs. "I helped them a little. Please don't be upset, but your mate is in that group." She tells me.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I sit on the window sill.

"I thought you'd get scared and run away, and we all would be in trouble." She softly takes my hand. "I know it can be overwhelming, but your mate is…very interesting." She smirks like she just told a joke.

"I don't think I saw him when I was flying around." I look towards the camp.

The sun started to set as I got distracted from the music in the distance. As I listened I didn't notice a group of men coming out of the trees closest to the tower. Once I noticed them I used wind to close all the curtains, and watch them from the side of the window. They started walking toward the opening of the wall that surrounds the tower, and I did the only thing I could think of. I form a fire wall around the whole tower, causing them all to jump back. They try to find an opening, but it only causes me to push it out more.

I watch a man walk toward the group, and talk to them. He points up at the window, and the group leaves. Who is this man, and why do I want to meet him? When the others are back in the woods he looks right at me, and I'm so surprised the fire goes out. He looks at the burnt ground for a moment, then back at me before walking to the door. Cursing myself for taking all the boards down.

I take a deep breath to gather myself to go down the stairs. As I got closer to the bottom I could see his shadow moving around. I slowly walked to the kitchen doorway, and could actually see him. The fire from the fireplace showed the scars on his dark skin, and his eyepatch. The poor man was so much bigger than my small kitchen it made him hunch over, and almost hit his head on one of the beams. I couldn't help the giggle that slipped when he almost hit another one. His head snapped to me before I could move.

"H…hello." I stutter out.

He just watches me as I come into the kitchen completely. I fiddled with my fingers before walking to the cupboard, grabbing the bowl of berries, and placing them on the table.

"Would you like anything? I made it all myself." I give him a small smile as he steps toward me.

"Why aren't you running?" He questions.

"Because I know why you are here." He smirks at my answer.

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325 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[revolttoevolve]

Bellie's gonna get ya

I woke up on Day 1 feeling like absolute crap!

I hadn’t had a drink in over 24 hours, I hadn’t stuffed my face with sweets and carbs in a vein attempt to mop up the wine in my tummy either. So, I was feeling it, big time. But I felt different. I didn’t want to hide behind another bottle and a takeaway, I suddenly felt for the first time strong enough to stop running from my past and from the person I was becoming, and that feeling had completely overridden the need to hide.

I had had a long-term relationship, my first serious relationship. From the ages of 20 to 29. So quite literally all of my 20’s. We lived up the road from his family and 250 miles away from mine.

This might seem like a strange thing to say but it was my depression and anxiety that had kept us together for so long. You see he was quite controlling he would sometimes gaslight me and he was selfish. My thoughts and opinions didn’t count. Nothing I did was note-worthy, unless he had achieved something greater. The day I ran my first ever marathon, there was no congratulations he just talked about the fact that he was going to do a challenge far superior to a marathon. This behaviour on his part largely went unchecked because I was too distracted with my mental health to recognise it and my family, we’re too far away to see what was going on.

Things changed when I got therapy. For the first time in years I had been able to see light at the end of the tunnel, and that light was bathing the reality of the situation in those harsh fluorescent strips. I started to essentially confront his behaviour head on. Simple things really. Why is it that I have altered some of my habits because I know they annoy him, and he hasn’t done a damn thing to alter any of his? Why am I not in control of my own wages? The list of questions went on. He hated it, and I wondered if anyone had ever questioned his behaviour before.

We had split up 7 years ago, I had of course dealt with the break and reflected on where and why it all went so very wrong and comes to terms with it. Made my peace with it.

What was new today was the connection I made between him and my dad. My opinion didn’t matter as much as his. My choices in life weren’t as good as his. And no matter how hard I tried I would never ever be good enough. Judging me for the person he thought I ought to be and not accepting me for who I am.

As soon as I realised this I cried. So, Flash come over insisting that stroking him would help. It did. Thing is, it wasn’t tears of sadness. It was tears of relief. Tears of understanding. This is where I had been going wrong.

My relationship with men in general had been moulded by my dad’s example and I always ended up unhappy and frustrated because I was at odds with myself. Half believing that I ought to be grateful for every shred of affection I get no matter how much its wrapped in an insult, and half believing I deserve to be treated so much better than that – but now realising that this is my fault.

I was choosing this again and again and again. Thereby allowing this behaviour to be acceptable and then of course getting treated like crap by people who didn’t even deserve my smile much less anything else.

And so, I sat there, with a pounding head, feeling very sick and crying but I somehow also felt better than I had done in years.

I opened my diary, page 1 and began to write.

‘’Day 1 (29.12.18)

After a booze fuelled 2 days and after finally accepting that if I don’t change, it will kill me. I’m done.

So, sugar detox.30 days (to begin with).

I’m not going to say I will never drink again, but I am going to go cold turkey for the time being.

From this I will also start running again. I am going to run the Brighton Marathon, 2020. 8 years after my first and this time I’m aiming for sub 4 hours.

Why all of this? – because I can’t carry on like this, I’m not dealing with my anger in a healthy way. I want to be physically and mentally healthier. I’ve got 3 ½ years until my 40th. By then I want to be happier, healthier and debt free. I want to have hobbies; I don’t want to let this consume me any longer.

So, here is my mission statement – I will not drink for 90 days, 90 days sober – start from there. I will not eat refined carbs or sugars for at least 30 days, and I will start running again.

I will get some scales.

I must focus on me. This must be it.

I know I will struggle at times.

I know I am stuck in a cycle, my relationship with alcohol has become supremely complicated. I must free myself from this.”

Withdrawal Symptoms

Dull Headache

Nausea

Anxiety

Sweaty

Shudders (at night)

Hallucinations (at night)

“Day 2 (30.12.81)

I had a weird night sleep. Took me ages to drop off, and when I did my head sort of shuddered and I kept twitching. I feel a bit odd this morning. I’m sweating but I’m cold.

I took Flash out for a walk, saw loads of runners, I really wanted to go myself – but I literally need to walk before I can run. I want to settle into this new healthy food thing before I started my running plan. I’m about to have my first decent breakfast since staying at Jenna’s 6 weeks ago.

Withdrawal Symptoms

Dull Headache

Nausea

Anxiety

Sweaty

Shudders (at night)

Hallucinations (at night)

“Day 3 (31.12.18)

I’m itchy today. I think partly because it’s now been 3 days since I last had a drink or had any bread or any sugar, but also because it’s New Years Eve. A classic night for everyone to drink too much. I had been invited out by a couple of different people, but I think I’m just going to stay in. Make a nice meal, stick the TV on watch a movie and go to bed. For tomorrow I will go for my first run in months.”

Withdrawal Symptoms

Dull Headache

Nausea

Anxiety

Sweaty

Dizziness

Fatigue

Shudders (at night)

Hallucinations (at night)

“Day 4 (01.01.19)

2.47-mile run, my pace. 12-minute miles. It was tough. Probably a combination of having not run since October and not being on the detox.

First day of the year and I found an empty wine bottle under the sofa when I was hoovering. I felt disgusted by it. How had I let things get that bad?

The house behind me had had a party last night, I hadn’t heard any of it until I had gone to bed, since my bedroom is at the back of the flat. It was quite entertaining. To begin with I could make out the conversations and they we’re all quite civilised and jovial then, weirdly like a switch had flipped or something they we’re all just suddenly smashed, and I couldn’t understand a single word. It got me thinking about how many times I had tried to hold conversations after having had too much wine and basically how much of a dick I must have sounded, quite a lot of the time.

Today I’m quite itchy. I think it’s more the habit of it than anything else. But remembering my disgust at the wine bottle under the sofa and how much that party had changed through too much booze has really helped my resolve.”

Withdrawal Symptoms

Dull Headache

Nausea

Anxiety

Sweaty

Dizziness

Tingling

Shudders (at night)

Hallucinations (at night)

Run – 2.47 miles. 12-minute mile pace.

Perspective is powerful. Within 4 days of the detox I was simultaneously suffering with 8 different symptoms of withdrawal and I just thought blimey booze and sugar are very obviously bad for you, otherwise your body wouldn’t react so terribly to it being cut out. I mean let’s face it, if you we’re to cut out apples for a week – it’s not going to make you anxious. It might make you think about apple pie a bit more. But you won’t get sweaty or shaky through lack of apples. If I was on the other side of the perspective, I’d be thinking this is terrible, I shouldn’t put my body through this, where’s my purse I’m going to by a beer and a doughnut.

I got through the first 4 days by focusing on my thoughts and my feelings. Not having the distraction of booze was really helping me face my past and deal with it in a healthier way than finding solace at the bottom of a bottle (which never ever ever happened anyway)

Day 5 was my first day back at work after the Christmas break, it was also the day I decided to tell everyone what I was doing. A brilliant motivational tactic by the way. In a dark moment of weakness when your itching for a Snickers or a bottle, realising that if you eat it/drink it and someone asks you how the detox is going – you either have to lie to them about the fact that you failed or you have to be honest and tell them you failed. Either way – it doesn’t feel great.

Next stop …. Withdrawal central….

[messylesb]

boo ;)

GIRL GUESS WHAT

first i got a 24/25 on my quiz yAy

second is uh

Okay so two nights ago I was up until 2 am because I literally could not sleep

And then yesterday when I got home from school (it was like 6:30 pm) and I was like "oh I'll take a nap at 7:30 it won't be that bad"

I WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY 😭

Also I got my period and sobs I would like to not have a uterus

Anyways how are you darling? Any thoughts I should know about? ;) (this is meant to be flirty ish is it working)

-🩰

OMG MY LOVE I ABSOLUTELY FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS 😭😭😭😭 actually that's wrong, i read it, thought about the answer and when thinking back i actually thought i had answered you. I'm so sorry 😭😩

CONGRATS ON YOUR QUIZ!!!!!!!! truly, you're sooo smart, sweetheart!!

also lol not you sleeping hard QODKEKDK you were probably so tired 🥺 I'm glad you got to rest though! i hope period didn't make you feel too bad, unfortunately I'm not there to help with those pains 😞

I'm doing okay! this week was super tiring because of a project on Tuesday but it's FINALLY done, and i slept a lot form yesterday to today, so I'm not as tired as i could be. but I've been feeling bad for not being able to exercise these days, bc of the obligations i end up being too tired and just need to rest. but i hope i can catch on this week.

well, I've been thinking some interesting things... but mostly they involve eating someone out. be it while laying/kneeling down between their legs, or having someone sitting on my face... (it is working, don't be afraid to ask more - and to tell me any of your thoughts too! 😉)

[jesslazerbeam]

Today has been an absolute shit show of a day.

Woke up with stomach cramps but had to get ready and take my kids to different places before my doctors appointment at 8:30 am.

The appointment was so we could go over my heart monitor results. I do have some sinus tachycardia and I had an episode where my heart rate got down to the low 40’s. My doctor did not want to put me on any meds for my tachycardia because it can cause more low heart rates and lower my blood pressure as well, which tends to be on the low side anyway.

He’s referring me to a cardiologist, so no answers there yet.

Got coffee at the place attached to the doctors office and ordered my latte with oat milk instead of regular milk because I recently discovered that I’m lactose intolerant. Said oat milk latte tasted like hairspray.

Then on the way to work I was sitting at the red light to turn into my store when my stomach started to hurt again. I thought it might be gas but instead I LITERALLY shit my pants.

Called my manager and she helped me get inside and to the bathroom to clean myself and I had to not only stay at work to make up hours from having to stay home with my kids on Tuesday, I also had to buy new pants.

The internet at work has been down since Hurricane Helene and we found out that it will be at least 2 weeks before it’s back. I can’t do my job without it. Then we had 8 pallets of clothes delivered to us and no way to receive it into our inventory system.

Couldn’t take a lunch break because I came in an hour late due to my doctor’s appointment.

After work I had to go pick up my kids from their dad’s house because he still hasn’t gotten power back. Decided to stop and grab McDonald’s for us so I didn’t have to cook. Got home, got my 3 year old out of his car seat and leaned over to grab our drinks.

At that exact moment, he decided to close the car door… directly on my head. The corner of the door slammed directly into my temple. I cried. It hurt SO bad. I didn’t even cry when I broke my arm 3 years ago. It’s now swollen and I have a monster headache.

To top it off, a little while ago my oldest knocked over a drink while he was trying to put his tablet on the charger. That drink went all over my vape battery charger, an issue of Metal Hammer Magazine with Sleep Token on the cover, and my prized Take Me Back To Eden record.

I am so so so done with today.

[diariesofapisces]

Hell Week Anniversary.

You know how I look to reflect on Shit and today I would like to go back to I would say the darkest time of my freshman year. It all started on February 15th when I finally got a preroll and a battery for my cart. This meant that I finally could smoke weed as much as I wanted. I felt so manic and I literally took a million videos and photos about it. After I got that battery I went insane and greened out really bad hours after I got it. I woke up the next day on the 16th and forgot how much I smoked the night before. I did a wake-and-bake before even eating with very little sleep the night before. Of course, we all know that I greened out again but this time in the line to Starbucks. I literally could not stand and I had to sit down for about 10 min. I stumbled back to my dorm without my Starbucks and I had to miss class because I was so weak and high. When I filmed a video describing the event I looked pale and so weak. As I said in my videos I smoked in the evening because I had nothing better to do. The 17th wasn't very eventful because of a horrible work shift but I knew that Spencer was going to flake out on smoking with me which stressed me out. Also, I was upset because I was supposed to go to Tucson for Shelby and Morgans's birthday party but my mom couldn't get me down there. I was super upset about this and got a joint just to smoke with Spencer. The next day, the 18th, was tragic. I thought the last time I smoked with Spencer was bad. I texted him at like 2 to see if we still had plans and he didn't respond till 6:30 that he couldn't hang out. I spent the whole day stressed about whether he was going to cancel or not and I couldn't do anything more with my time than smoke and make ranting videos. That night I said I was done with him. Spoiler I wasn't. After that day I started keeping count of how many days I had no contact with him, I made it to 4 days. On the 21st I made a tik tok depicting just how I felt, it's super fucking depressing. From then until the 23rd I was keeping the delusion that he was going to miss me and reach out in my mind, and also the one where I could go without him. The 23rd is a day I will never forget. Let me paint the picture. Spencer had invited us to go see this stupid comedian and I didn't go becuase I didn't want to waste my money. However, I did decide to hang out with them after the show ended so at 11. I didn't really want to go but I was desperate to see him and to B do something with my time. So of course I make tiktoks to pass the time and I go. And guess what happened. I was triggered by the fact then he didn't really pay attention to me and she left me to go hang out with his other friends. After he left shit hit the fan. That really fucking triggered me so I decided it would be fun to take 10 shots of the shittiest vodaka ever. I encouraged everyone to give each other hickeys and make out and stuff which led to three of my friends having a threesome. I and Gib were sitting outside the room that was happening and I was complaining about Spencer. After that, I impulsively offered up my joint and we all went outside to smoke that. After that, Gib went home becuase it was 2:30 in the morning but me and three other girls decided to keep going. During the next two hours, we all decided to drink more and make out. I decided to go for a girl I didn't know as well because there was no way I was gonna do anything with Shi or Larissa. So on the 24th, I ended up having a semi-orgy with my friends and I ate out with that girl. It was funny becuase I was doing great until I rolled over and passed out. I was still helping tho. Then after a bit, I crawled to the bathroom threw up, and passed out again. At five am I stumbled back to my room and took a nap. I woke up on the 24th and in the afternoon Spencer took me to Joan's. The night before I asked him to take me and he reluctantly agreed. I ended up having to pay him 20$ to take me to my disappointment we didn't hang out after. He just said she you around and let me know if you want to smoke.

[acesgroupchat]

so not to give unsolicited medical advice to a total stranger but.... this is me and I have recently found an honest to god life-restructuring solution.

I'm in my 30s and have had circadian rhythm problems literally since I was an infant (traumatized my poor mother lmao). I had long accepted it was un-fixable, but was hoping to fix the random insomnia/persistant false awakenings/sleep paralysis that comes with it, and a family friend recently moved from pulmonology into sleep medicine so I gave her a call.

Her advice: if you can, it's easier and better to adjust your lifestyle than to try to fix your rhythim. You can force yourself to wake up earlier but it will never feel natural. So accept going to bed at 2AM and stabilize there to fix the other problems. To help stabilize, try taking a microdose of melatonin (300 mcg) four hours before your usual bedtime.

I had tried melatonin before and it 1. gave me weird dreams 2. did not do ANYTHING for my sleep schedule, but it turns out most melatonin pills have WAY too much melatonin. So they become sedatives instead of hormones or something. I don't know. I'm not that kind of doctor.

So I ordered microdose melatonin. Had to do it online because none of the pharmacies around me stocked anything less than 1mg. Even the BABY melatonin was 1mg. I am taking 1/3 of a baby melatonin. (who is giving their baby melatonin??)

I then proceeded to do... not what my friend doctor recommended, and took my pill at 8:30PM because I was curious. And went about my evening and then it was midnight and I was... sleepy???? I went to bed??? I slept all night??? I WOKE UP BEFORE MY ALARM????

The past two months have been a baffling experience in sleeping like other people, and squinting suspiciously at myself. Like who even am I if I don't have sleep problems. Anyway, might not work for anyone else, but the pills were $6 for this thing that I really really thought was unfixable.

TLDR: try a 300 MCG (this is TINY. This is less than baby melatonin) melatonin pill four hours before you want to go to bed. Might not work for you but quite literally restructured my life

(the other thing my sleep doctor friend said is that late sleepers are also statistically WAY more likely to be LONG sleepers. If you have "delayed sleep phase syndrome," as it's called, you're probably ALSO someone who needs 9 hours, rather than 7 or 8 like the early birds might. You know... just to make it suck EVEN MORE when we have to short change our sleep to go to work/school)

Bedtime Wizard it takes me a good 2 hours to fall asleep every night with like, every bit of sleep self care stuff I can think of. I just don't naturally get sleepy till 2 am, even if I'm up for a 5 am shift and obviously that's not really sustainable.

What can I do to make myself sleepier? I've tired... Black out curtains, no electronics before bed, silence, white noise, curtains, extreme cold, melatonin, meditation, yoga, working out before bed or in the morning, breathing exercises, no white / blue light at all 2 hours before bed only doing dishes by candle light.

I still can't get to bed before midnight at the earliest and everyone just says try harder. How do you sleep? It's been decades of this and I'm so fucking tired and can't find a job that starts later so I can sleep in.

….my heart bleeds for you, friend. You’re doing everything you can. But there’s legitimate science that some people are just built on different circadian rhythms.

Our bodies have a sense of what times they’d like to be asleep or awake and morning people fucked over all the late sleepers by building the world around their schedule while leaving no room for others.

I’ve seen posts going around that address it but if you can try to get your schedule to where you don’t have to wake up so early it’s your best bet, I’m sorry.

[little-yla]

: : the right person ☆

————————————————————————

genre: fluff

warnings: nothing exc for a bit of cursing

word count: 963

a/n: my first time writing so please dont judge😭😭💔 if u liked this story, feel free to request more!! 🫂🫂 ( jeonghan is such a green flag )

this is part 1, part 2 is coming soon

You were paired up with Jeonghan for a math project, you didn't know much about him except for the fact that he was popular amongst the girls in school. He showed absolutely no interest in the girls, they thought he was into men because of that reason. Despite being absolutely gorgeous, you had no interest in him. You never saw what he had, you thought he was just a regular boy. Not until you were paired up together. That feeling ended quickly as soon as you interacted with him more. You finally understood everyone, but you had to clear your mind.

"Y/n, pair up with Jeonghan." your teacher says. You gasp as you saw your classmates glancing at you, they looked like they were about to chase you like a dog. You slowly walk to his table to have a chat about the project, being scared because of all the stares but you then get to his table. "You scared, huh?" Jeonghan asked, he could tell by your awkward face. You answered, "Well, you could say that, I guess." while giggling a little. He laughed at you, but he understood why. He gave you his number to ask for help, even for things other than the project.

You both discuss the project, and you catch yourself smiling the whole time while chatting with him. Were you developing feelings for him? But then the bell rings, it is time for you to go home. As soon as you got home, you had the urge to text him, but you noticed that he had texted you first.

jeonghan: hey, do u wanna meet up at the cafe near the town's library tmr?? so we can work and have little chats, it was fun

y/n: oh yeah suree, what time?

jeonghan: does 2pm sound good 2 u?

y/n: yep

jeonghan: alright c u tmr <33

Did he just give you a heart? Your heart was pounding so fast texting him, you figured it was because he was the first ever boy from school you texted. Well, you were wrong about that.

The next day, you woke up at 11:24 am. Your alarm was ringing so loud, but you quickly woke up as you remembered about the important meet-up. You greeted your cat, Toro, and got some milk from the fridge. You had some breakfast and took a shower, thinking about him every single second. Opening the closet was a bad choice, you did not think about what outfit you would wear, and you panicked so hard. It was 12:48 pm, you had 1 hour and 12 more minutes left, you couldn't possibly finish that fast. You chose to wear a cute dress with the cardigan your mom bought, and did your makeup a little faster than usual.

You drove to the cafe and saw him waiting for you, he waved as you saw him. "When did you arrive?" you asked, he had arrived at 1:30 pm. You apologized for being a little late. He replied, "It's fine, I wouldn't mind waiting longer for you." He surely was a sweetheart, a literal woman's dream. After discussing the project and finishing it, you guys decided to spend more time together. Were you really hanging out with the most popular boy?

You went to play games with him and found out he also played Valorant. He was happy he could find someone with the same interests as him. You found out he liked Bossa Nova and never dated once. "If you never dated anyone, then why don't you try dating someone that likes you?" you asked. He replied, "Well I'm waiting to find the right person for me, someone that likes me for me, not my looks." That got you interested in him, you wanted to find out more about him. After a long time of hanging out, you both went home.

jeonghan: heyy, i had fun w u today :)) lets hang out more

y/n: I AGREEEE, we should also vc and play valorant if u can

jeonghan: agreed, wanna hang out after school next week?

y/n: tuesday?

jeonghan: tuesday.

Wow, was he trying to test you? You had bad experiences with boys before meeting him, and you were hoping he wasn't like them. All I can say is that, I like him. You caught feelings for him, shocking. You had the urge to text him and call him. It felt too risky, you didn't want to seem obsessed. And again, he likes someone who likes him for him, not someone who craves looks.

A notification pops up, who is it from?

jeonghan: hey, wanna vc?? sorry if im asking u so late at night :(

y/n: nahh nw, lets call?

jeonghan: YAY

Your ringtone starts playing, seeing his name on the phone made your heart beat 10 times faster. Why was it easier to talk to him in real life? I can't even talk to him over the phone. You picked up the phone and heard his deep voice. "Sorry about my voice, I'm really tired right now." Jeonghan claimed. You replied, "Then why did you want to call me? You should go rest." He didn't want to rest, he wanted to call you and hear your voice.

You spent a few hours talking to eachother and playing games, hearing him curse for the first time. "Ohh, we're fucked. WAIT, I'M SORRY," Jeonghan panics, "You didn't hear that." You didn't mind, you revealed that you also cursed a lot. He was relieved, I'm guessing he has a curse buddy. Afterwards, you both decided to stop video calling and texted eachother instead.

jeonghan: thank u for today☹️☹️ i enjoyed it a lot

y/n: heyy dont worry ab it, u made today fun 😆☝

jeonghan: lets do this more, i dont need to stop my cursing for once

y/n: YKW ME TOO, everyone around me js hates the idea of cursing

jeonghan: well i get why, anyway see uuuu tmrr. sleep well and goodnight

y/n: gooodd night <33