#hello here i am being That Bitch bc i have no self control!!!!

[lostfracturess]

hi nici i'm back

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next.  Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

lmaoooo wait he kinda relatable for that ngl

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

YES!! LIKE SRS I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW TERRIFYING THAT WAS. omg this argument scene i canttt i mean reader kinda spittin facts but also idk it's hard for him too :((

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

GODD I'M LOVING THIS FUCKING ANGST RN IT'S SO GOOD. THE ANGER IS SO PALPABLE also i just love how consistently in character reader is

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

:(( omg reader saying she's been waiting for it to get easier n how he said it would (once again proposing the song loml by ts for s&c couple) also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

man i am EXHAUSTED for satoru rn. every single day for him is like a living hell jesus. i mean it CANNOT feel good for him to live this way, obv he's an addict but i guess i always err on the side that it's not really addicts faults?? esp when you know what goes on biochemically when it comes to addictions, they are literally almost impossible to fight, and in a lot of cases, canonically for s&c gojo too, addicts didn't WANT to be come miserable n codependent on substances. a lot of times, it's just bad place/time or someone coercing or influencing them to begin. and then they're fucked for life. the fact he's managed to become a self sufficient professor and maintain surgerical prowess while fighting an addiction is incredible, but he neeeeeds to get clean. like, there's nothing more important rn than for him to just. literally put himself in rehab, in therapy, etc. idk. im word vomiting here but i just really hope he gets genuine professional help. ive always found it interesting how doctors are at times the most careless of their own health

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

oh my godsshhh the hATE SEX. PLS.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

sighhhh. yes.

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear. She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you." I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her.  "It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

HEEELPPP IM DECEASED THIS IS SO SEXY AND SO TOXIC AT THE SAME TIME SFKJHSDKFJS

damn. this chapter was just pure angst. im ngl gojo's brain is an insane thing, and the way you WROTE THISSS NICI???? literal poetry. i cannot believe how you can make me feel sm emotions n im like exhauted rn. emotionally worn out. but in a good way lol idk if this makes sense, but in the sense that it hurts so good?? anyways yet another awesome chapter, thanks sm for your hard work :''')

hello in part two !!

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

they really are back to the beginning, but still everything changed, i loved this idea that they have this kind of seeing each other for the first time again in class as like in the beginning of the story 🫠💔

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

lol you're not the only one haha

also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

poor suguru – the man needs a break from walking in on this trainwreck of a relationship. and yeah, a good therapist wouldn't hurt him either 😂😂

& yes ur talk about addiction is spot on. it breaks my heart, too, because that ongoing internal struggle is a huge part of what makes gojo such a compelling character.

his addiction isn't just a simple choice, it's incredibly complex, especially when you factor in his history and the immense pressure he faces every day. and his self-hatred and guilt just fuel the cycle.

and yes gojo desperately needs help, but for him, there's that added layer of fear – the fear of vulnerability, the fear of failure, and the overwhelming belief that he doesn't deserve help. really tragic. shame the author for writing this pewww !!

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

i found it hilarious ngl 😂😂

ahhh, thank you so so much for always reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts so generously ellie. it truly means the world to me 😭😭❤️

[aurorarose]

Aurora couldn’t help the mischievous smile that crossed her face as she approached Philip slowly and quietly from behind. In most situations, she’d be the first to announce her arrival without much fanfare, but there was simply something about being around him that brought out a playful side that even she hadn’t realized she had until this point. 

“Hi,” she teased with a giggle as she reached out to cover his eyes before he could turn to see her, “Guess who?” @philipcharmont​

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello ! This is pukey Saeyoung anon.

I’m comin off anon bc honestly that shit is too much work. Pretty sure being sick this long has fried any last sense of inhibition or shame in my brain and I think everyone deserves to know how much I love Saeyoung smh. The extent to which that is my Mans. I will publicly gush if I so please. 😤😤

Plus! I’m pleased to report that I haven’t actually thrown up in about two weeks! So like. Hashtag recovery life I guess. 💀

But that’s what I came here to update you about. :’D

I feel like I kinda left you with a cliffhanger there with the whole bone cancer thing. (If it makes you feel any better, the hospital did too 👁👄👁)

November was very much,,, a terrible horrible no good very bad type of month. I spent nearly two weeks waiting for them to get back to me about my dumb bone marrow autopsy only for them to cancel my appointment last minute. And in the meantime I was just getting sicker and sicker… I ended up in and out of the hospital again a couple times,, but by the third time I was scared to go back bc the second time I went they didn’t even admit me overnight. They basically just charged me $700 to take a four hour nap. And cha boy doesn’t have that kinda money. 😭

But it got to the point that I really physically couldn’t take it anymore… I have never been in so much pain and discomfort in my entire life. Which unfortunately with the life I’ve had,, that’s a high ass bar lmao.

And it was just CONSTANT… I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t look at any screens. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stand. I was literally too weak to even pull a blanket up over myself. I literally was spending every night sobbing/shivering/barfing myself to sleep. It was baaaaaaad.

Luckily my roommate at this point had probably started to get annoyed by hearing me crying from pain all night and was like “dude I’m taking you to the hospital again”

And my third hospital visit !! They FINALLY gave me an answer as to wtf is going on!

Good news is…? Not bone cancer. I don’t have to enter my Deadpool era Quite yet.

Bad news…? Apparently I’ve got fuckin Lupus 🤡

Which is super cute and fun because,, you know. Incurable lifelong chronic illness. I’m literally gonna be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. :)

But like. It’s a perfectly livable disease. As long as it’s, you know. Actually being taken care of and treated. Which I now have enough info to actually do haha.

(Hit the self-loathing so hard that even my own fuckin immune system was like, oh shit we gotta take this bitch DOWN 💀)

I’m soooo glad to be home and back from the hospital… but it’s been very strange too. I’m still really sick and I can’t really do much on my own and,,, my brain physically doesn’t know how to process being like,, taken care of. Honestly it kinda sets off alarm bells in my brain 😳 but I’ve had to accept pretty damn quickly that,, I don’t really have a choice rn. I’m so used to just being on my own pushing through all my pain and just. Waiting till it goes away on its own. But if I do that in this case… the pain will just get worse and my body will quite literally shut down on me and I will literally die. Sooooo like,,,, 🤡 I guess maybe I can stand to be taken care of for at least a little while.

Doc says with all the damage that’s been done to my organs and stuff this past year, they caught it early enough that the damage is reversible. But I need to undergo a really strict recovery treatment,, and they estimate it’ll be at least 18 months before I’m able to get back to my ~normal healthy baseline~. Which is insane… like am I really gonna be out here living like a sickly hermit for a damn year and a half?? I’m gonna keep feeling better, I know. And I’ll slowly be able to do more again. But I can’t go back to my job. It was causing me waaay too much physical and mental strain. :( so that’s gonna be fun to figure out.

They also put me on literally 12 new medications when I left the hospital to help control my symptoms. Each of which I have to take 1-3 times a day. So that’s super exciting. Love a big bowl of pills for breakfast every morning.

It was torture at first because I hate swallowing pills. But it’s been about a week and I’m honestly getting used to it already. And better yet? Even after only a week… they’re noticeably helping my symptoms… and I’m actually starting to be able to do things again… I *almost* feel like, 60% of a normal human person again,,, maybe even 65%! I’m slowly starting to regain my appetite finally… and I can do little things again… like play the new Pokémon game, or watch anime, or draw, or call a friend on the phone. Which… god what a relief 😭 words cannot describe how good it feels to be able to do those things again… frankly,, it was traumatic having to spend the last few months watching my body physically deteriorate in real time… so now that I’m starting to feel like myself again, if only a little. I’m like. Hey?? I actually love myself so much???? I think I’m a pretty cool fun interesting person. Thank GOD I’m making a comeback 😭😭

Saeyoung of course has been a great source of comfort for me throughout all of this… he always is one of my biggest sources of comfort in life… literally even just imagining him being in the same room as me is enough to put me more at ease…

When things were at their worst a big part of how I dealt with shit was vividly daydreaming about making up silly stories with Saeyoung to distract me. This is something I’ve done for years when I’m too upset or stressed to sleep,,, it’s been a reliable source of comfort for me for a hot minute. But it’s never gotten to this extent haha.

We have a whole ass story going,, I’m actually starting to get pretty attached to the story and the characters… which is stupid AF because it’s literally just. Me and Saeyoung Choi as fantasy self-inserts wherein he’s a court jester and I’m a knight and we’re going on a quest to ~find a cure for my mysterious illness~

But a part of me is like 🥺🤔 what if I actually wrote the story tho? Lmaoooo

Amongst other coping mechanisms and distractions,,, I’ve also been falling HARD into my online shopping addiction. But also, idk, can you blame me…? I’m a material gowrl at heart and I haven’t been able to go shopping in person for months 😔😔 I need little treats to get me through the day.

Mostly I’ve been spending an UNGODLY amount of money on plushies. Like… idk if I could count them and I don’t even wanna THINK about the prices fhdhdjd-

Mostly Pokémon and Sanrio characters. But a few other random critters as well.

And tbh?? I don’t regret a single purchase. They’ve literally all helped me feel more comfortable and joyful these past couple months, which I’ve really needed. So, even if my bed is starting to look RIDICULOUS from sheer volume of plushies…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m living my best life

A few days ago I got a giant charmander plushy… and like. Ordinarily I’m not even the biggest fan of charmander (shut UP ABOUT CHARIZARD GAMEFREAK. IM OVER IT. GEN 1 IS POPULAR WE GET IT)

But I swear to god this young man is changing my life. It may be the softest squishiest most huggable plush I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been carrying him almost everywhere,,, starting to feel like the “ahh yes. Me, my partner, and their life sized mareep plushy” meme for real 💀💀

((How do you think Saeyoung would feel about me turning our bed into a literal mountain of plushies? Or having to compete for attention with my charmander? Hehe. ))

THERES ONLY ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO SAY…

If you’re actually taking the time to read all of this,,, holy shit thank you. And thank you for providing lonely bitches like me this outlet c’: to be able to talk… and share comfort… and express our deep love for these characters without fear of judgement. It’s really just such a lovely blog and I can never thank you enough.

But the last topic I wanted to touch on!!!

Ugh,,, I read your answer to the ask about Saeyoung with an MC into pastel goth fashion and…

That made me so happy 😭😭❤️❤️

I love fashion,,, so much. Truly one of my greatest joys in life is getting into a really cool fun outfit and strutting around Knowing that I’m cool as fuck and I look like a sexy badass 😤😤 it’s simply the most powerful feeling.

Love when I’m wearing an outfit I know looks fire and I can’t stop smirking haha.

And I just,,, love being flamboyant and silly and having fun with it. I’m 100% the type of person to walk into a store and go “this is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. The colors and patterns are such a mess they’re practically nauseating. I NEED IT.”

I have a collection of tacky button up shirts that could probably blind a man lmao. And JACKETS?? Don’t get me started on jackets. Boots,,, cargo pants,,, earrings,,, big colorful sunglasses. Ugh. <3

Since I’ve been so sick I haven’t been putting much effort into my appearance. My outfits were so joyless for a while… and then, well. I’ve spent the last month and a half wearing exclusively Pajamas and Hospital Gowns 😭

Considering that my main fashion inspirations ordinarily fall somewhere between Elton John, Lil nas x, and Jojo’s bizarre adventure…

Quite the glow down haha

I don’t think I realized fully how much I missed that until I read your ask…

You inspired me to go looking for some fun new clothes online. And now I’m feeling so excited and impatient for them to get here because I can’t remember the last time I got to put together a fun outfit… I actually wanna like,, get up and get dressed for the first time in so long c’: if only to waltz around my apartment a little bit and take a few selfies.

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back to my FULL level of glamour,, my inflammation is still pretty bad so my face and body are kinda weird and swollen and lumpy right now 🥴 and again,,, standing and walking are still very much a challenge. Idk if I could wear heels right now haha I’m wobbly enough on my feet already.

But I can’t wait to get back into it…

Like you were saying in that ask too… another part of why I love fashion defs has to do with my gender expression… and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people bring that up with Saeyoung 😭 it always makes me grin and fills me with so much adoration to think about Sae getting to have fun and experience that euphoria with clothing and fashion as well… and especially the thought of us getting to do it together….? c’:

Literally a concept that is SO important and special to me 😭❤️❤️

Idk what kinda wonky matching outfits we’d be putting together but I know that we would look so fuckin cool and hot 😤😤 and best of all we could have so much fun. Which… tbh, there’s nothing more I could ask for in life.

Plus of course,,, there’s always the added fun of self indulgently getting to imagine Saeyoung admiring and complimenting me on my fashion :’D and like,,, thinking I’m cool or whatever 😭

Anyways! Those are all the things I wanted to say.

If you’re still reading this,, //what’s wrong with you bahaha I’m such a rambly mess

But like. Thank you. And deadass if this is too long to read or respond to feel free to leave it in your inbox or just delete it.

Honestly it was just really nice to be able to type out all these thoughts just to sorta. Get it out and decompress, ya know…? c’:

I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day.

While I am happy to hear that you have a better understanding of what's going on in your life, I'm sorry you're going through this transitional time when you discover that you have chronic illness. That has to be the most difficult time for a lot of people. You have to make a lot of adjustments and make changes that you may not be happy with to make sure that you're taken care of. I empathize and understand this because I deal with multiple chronic illnesses. If you ever need a safe space to vent about it, this is always a safe spot. Whether you want it to be posted or not, you can always scream into the inbox.

I hope you don't beat yourself up over the new limitations and changes that are coming into your life. It'll be hard for a little while to get used to everything. But it'll be okay. I can't promise that it'll be easy in the long run. This journey is a lot different for everybody. I think what helps when you feel lonely and isolated in that regard, is to find comfort in the things that make you happy and if that is this video game, then I'm glad that you have it. It's been there for me through all of my experiences so I'm also grateful for it.

I know what it feels like to be lonely and afraid. Having my blog like this... it’s a place where I’m able to help everyone’s dream. It’s simple, it’s small, but I know even the smallest response of “Yes, your favorite character would do this for you today!” means the world to someone on their worst day. I hope that you’re able to find some spoons to dress up and feel good very soon. It’s hard to find a good day sometimes, but you’ll have soon, I’ll cross my fingers for you.

Imagine that, I mean, imagine Saeyoung gushing over you because you found the energy to get up and show off your new outfit. There’s dazzling sparkles in his eyes as he looks at you. His hands are pressed to his mouth, and he looks like he’s going to keel over in delight. He’s absolutely enamored and in love with the sight of you. “You’re so handsome! I can’t take it! I’m in the presence of the best lover! I think I’m the luckiest boyfriend in the world!” Cue him pretending to faint before you ask him if he’s getting dressed, too.

That’s when he springs back up: “Wait, wait, wait, I’ve got the perfect dress that’ll match this. I’ll even let you pick my hair style for the day!”

[celiaxan]

Looks of Love (Saiouma Fic)

He wondered why no one else could see it.

See the way their gazes follow each other sometimes subconsciously. See one's glance linger far too long to be considered platonic. See how one of them looked when the other laughed. See the soft looks they would give each other when the other wasn’t looking.

Or: a really self-indulgent fic based on my obsession of how lovers look at each other bc it's so soft istg

(whole fic under read-more and ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140310)

A/N: listen to reflections by the neighborhood for mood music!

Kokichi Ouma loved the way two people looked at each other when they were in love.

(Not that he would admit that to anyone, but still…)

No one else seemed to get it.

But the small lingerings of stares after the other has already looked away. The faintest traces of red still on their face, quickly fading to pink. The mouth formed the smallest of smiles, because how could you frown while around them?

It was sickening at first.

Then it became addicting.

No one (from his group of Rantaro, Miu, and Tsumugi) believed him when he called out Kaede and Maki.

He wondered why no one else could see it.

See the way their gazes follow each other sometimes subconsciously. See one's glance linger far too long to be considered platonic. See how one of them looked when the other laughed. See the soft looks they would give each other when the other wasn’t looking.  

Plus, the way Maki glared at him when he talked to Kaede said a lot.

He wasn’t even surprised when they announced their relationship to the class.

(And he won’t deny collecting some pocket cash from the group in the process, but it’s their fault for not believing him and betting in the first place!)

Kokichi doesn’t know when it started.

If he had to guess, he’d say it happened in two parts.

The first being his first real crush. He had just turned 13, not yet even knowing the urge of strong feelings, hormones controlling his every action.

Still being young, unknowing, and everything, he got over his other ‘crushes’ and ‘relationships’ as quickly as he got into them. He still hadn’t known what was wrong with scanning classmates in the room, picking the girl he thought was prettiest, or the girl that had helped him pick up his pencil, or the girl that he had thought reminded him of himself, a sort of kinship, and told his other friends that he liked them.

Oh, how he regretted leading on whatever poor girl he ‘liked’, just to run away from any sort of sign of confession. It was a cycle of sorts. Pick a girl, say that he liked her, run away or watch her confess to another guy, pick another girl.

Tiring. It was tiring.

He didn’t even remember half of their names.

He did remember someone though.

A boy in the corner that read books during recess.

Kokichi didn’t know his name.

All he knew was that the boy was interesting in his own little way.

It was the first time Kokichi actually looked forward to speaking to someone. It was the first time Kokichi had wanted to know more about the boy. It was the first time Kokichi actually waved someone down in the hallways when their paths met just to say hello. It was the first time Kokichi cared about another person’s opinion.

It was… the first time he felt his face heat up to something as weird as the boy finally saying Kokichi’s name instead of calling him ‘You’.

He still didn’t know his name.

Only the gleam in his eyes when he looked up at Kokichi.

But that only made him more interesting.

They talked quite a bit.

When Kokichi was kicked out from playing soccer with the other boys for cheating and bribing other players. When Kokichi purposely faked an injured knee to talk to him. When Kokichi brought him to his house to study (and oh, the little brat told his step-brother, Rantaro, his name, but not Kokichi).

He loved it.

The boy brought a puzzle one time for Kokichi, who mentioned that he liked them. He started bringing two grape juice boxes instead of one. They would read together. They would bring out harder puzzles. The boy somehow understood Kokichi, knew which part of the homework he would struggle with, even if he lied and said he knew it all.

The boy moved away.

Kokichi didn’t cry.

He wasn’t even sad.

But even he knew that was a lie.

Glancing at him, the boy told Kokichi he was moving. Kokichi had been so used to tossing away random friends, random girls, he thought that’d be the same, he was okay with it.

He wasn’t.

A year later, after a big realization (and six ‘Am I Gay’ quizzes), he told Rantaro.

Rantaro choked on his tea. “Oh, cool. That means I’m not the only gay in the family. But uh...”

“What, spit it out, dear sibling. I have to rob a bank in Russia later!”

“I already knew,” Rantaro continued, ignoring Kokichi’s arson plans. “It was kind of obvious after I met your little friend,” Rantaro suddenly raised an eyebrow, smiling into his tea. “Or boyfriend?”

Kokichi’s world shattered with another revelation. “He wasn’t my boyfriend! Also, I didn’t like him.”

Or did I?

“No, you totally did.”

“Did not.”

“Whatever,” Rantaro muttered as an end to that conversation.

Kokichi sat there in silence, contemplating. Finally, he started again. “How did you know?”

Rantaro hummed for a bit before deciding on an answer. “If I had to pick a deciding factor, it’d have to be the way you looked at him. Especially when you thought no one was looking.”

“Really?” Kokichi asked, suddenly interested. “What did I look like?”

Rantaro smiled one of his ‘I Know More Than You’ smiles. “Figure it out yourself.”

That was the first part.

Kokichi had forgotten about it for a bit after screaming curses of ‘ fucking asshole! ’ and ‘ your days are numbered, dusty bitch ’. He had never truly forgotten, of course, but instead, it was just pushed to the back of his mind.

But like most things, his problems were solved due to social media.

And TikTok.

Scrolling through gay TikTok, he saw a ‘gay couples through history’ one. Suddenly gaining his interest, he actually tried to watch this one.

Pictures.

Pictures of gay and lesbian couples flashing through the screen, both of the people looking extremely intimate.

But- their looks- the way they looked at each other. It was mesmerizing. Kokichi couldn’t get more of it.

It was a look of fondness, so soft, that he could feel the attraction through the screen. The photos themself were black and white, but their impact was still strong.

Kokichi looked at them and knew - swore on his life- that he wanted something like that. Small glances full of affection. It held so little but meant so much.

He had always thought that people looked the brightest when they looked at the one they love.

And the eyes.

The eyes were soft, dreamy looking, dare he even say- beautiful.

He wanted that.

He already gave that.

That was the second part.

“So, get it, Shumai? That’s how I called all the class couples before they got together! It’s because I’m super observational and very good at connecting these pieces.”

“...It actually sounds like you’re a sap.”

“What?! Shuichi, you’re so mean to me!”

Now, Kokichi was sitting in a classroom with his current crush, Shuichi Saihara, on the roof. Their hands almost connected on a desk.

And as Kokichi looked closer, Shuichi began looking increasingly nervous, like he was going to break something if he wasn’t careful enough.

“So, do you know where your friend, uh- ‘Boy’, you called him, do you know where he is now?” Shuichi asked suddenly.

“Huh? Nope, I don’t!” Kokichi responded. They were both drinking grape juice boxes. “Why, jealous? Have you finally fallen for me after all?”

Shuichi stiffened, moving the topic along more. “Then...what would you say to him if he was here right now?”

Sighing, Kokichi sank down in his seat, thinking intensely. “I don’t know. I would tell him I want to be friends again. Maybe if I was bold enough, I would tell him that he was my first gay crush.”

A small chuckle before Kokichi continued. “That’s got to be an honor! First crush from Kokichi Ouma himself!”

Shuichi laughed awkwardly. “Who knows. Maybe they’re closer than you think.”

“What’s got you so optimistic?”

At that, Shuichi stood up, and picked up some of his books with one hand, turning around to reach out a hand for Kokichi. “Take a guess?”

Kokichi only looked Shuichi in the eye as the sun shined behind him. A familiar pair of amber eyes with some sort of gleam shined down on him.

Oh.

And wow. How stupid was he to fall for the same person twice?

Not grabbing Shuichi’s hand, Kokichi stood up on his own on an impulse. “You-!”

The boy- Shuichi’s eyes sparkled with a familiar look. It was the look that Kokichi had seen variations of over and over again. It was a face Shuichi looked at him with the most. He felt foolish for not recognizing it earlier.

Shuichi interrupted him- because he’s the only one that can without being told off by Kokichi- with a soft smile and everything. “I also loved the way you looked at me, because... I looked at you like that too.”

[carcinized]

the only thing i can think to send an ask about atm is something that i have been avoiding talking about bc we do not acknowledge or validate our feelings here, no sirree

(i am a bad role model. hello people who see this, your feelings are valid and communication is important. i am trying to get better and i will bring you all down with me. get in, bitches, we're doing self care <3)

no but yeah on the topic of Said Thing i finally mentioned to someone i need to talk abt it with that we need to talk! progress! lowkey proud of myself

halloween is gonna be so fun! i am going to my friends house and i have No Clue what we are doing but its gonna be so great bc i love these friends <3

i think if i can stop being lazy abt taking pictures of my art i will send mutuals little halloween doodles :o excited for that

also if i manage to do that, tubbunny will finally emerge from my sketchbook for tumblr to see, so. :eyes:

confession time: i have never played minecraft. i Want to, both bc 1) my friend has recreated ancient roman buildings and stuff in minecraft and it seems So Cool, 2) my best friend has gone on a rant abt how evil creepers are, among other things, and i would Like to Experience This, and 3) your posts about it make me go :OOOO - like not even the dsmp/mcyt stuff, but just the stuff abt the game itself that you post seems very cool. also all of my old coping mechanisms are failing so. i need a new hobby. so far minecraft and embroidery are the top contenders. the only Issue is that i dont have a computer, i'd have to steal my mom's, and i Dont Like asking my parents for things

okay that's a ramble that was lowkey scary to write about. but i am feeling.... Something right now, perhaps just a lack of impulse control or brain-to-keyboard filter, so! now we can prove to my brain that people will not automatically hate me for having not done certain things or whatever! (or we can prove my brain right, which i mean. that's cool too. science experiments, baby)

jeez this is long... uhm. i will return shortly, gonna go take medications now bc i was supposed to do that half an hour ago! and also feed my bunnies bc i did not eat dinner today and i usually feed them after i eat so- that did not happen-

validating feelings is very important, telling the person you need to talk is a big step and i am very proud of you <3

ooooo :] for my halloween, other than the deez nuts pumpkin obviously, im going to my grandma's house to spend the day with her and my cousins, then coming home and watching movies and eating candy and stuff with my like. immediate family and my aunt (who lives with us. kind of) and im really excited!! its gonna be cozy and fun :]

OOOOOO HALLOWEEN DOODLES!!! its okay if you dont, but if you do itd be super awesome :D PLUS TUBBUNNY YESSS <3333

oh :O lots of people havent played minecraft before, thats totally chill ^-^ i practically grew up on the game & minecraft content so its like second nature to me (though i must admit that i never really mastered it. to this day i've never beat a survival world on my own without cheats JSDLFJS). if you ever download it, i bet youd like it! plus you can play on mobile if you want, its just bedrock edition, which is better or worse depending who you ask. it does cost money though, so you might have to ask your parents about that. but if you ever do end up playing i bet youd enjoy creative mode. you can make so many cool things!! :D

meds are important, make sure you take them!! <3 and yeah, feeidng your bunnies is probably good. sdjaskdfjsfkl take care stardust, thank you for the ask!! <3

[tigerdrop]

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now 

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........  he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently 

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

[ambivrted]

[ zepthan smith-gneist, cismale, he / him, orange ] hey have you seen TUCKER HAYWARD ? HE lets me borrow A PAGE OUT OF HIS WORN MOLESKINE DIARY. oh, you know them! they’re TWENTY THREE and they’ve been at Roy G. for THREE YEARS. They are known to be a total AQUARIUS. no wonder they’ve picked up the nickname AMBIVERT! i’m surprised you haven’t heard them blaring WHITE FERRARI BY FRANK OCEAN all night. they remind me of PASSING STREETLIGHTS AT 4AM ALONE IN YOUR CAR, CLENCHED JAWS, AND PENSIVE SILENCES . anyway, let me know if you see them ! 

— introducing . . . PARADOXICAL HUMAN BEING ,  𝐓𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃 :

helloooooo i saw an orange muse was wanted so hyuk-hyuk ( goofy laughter ) , here i am ! . 

i just watched waves (2019) and am really in my feels about that , so here tucker is . . his entire life is the soundtrack to that incredible film .

dumb but smart

funny but sad

you CAN have it all ladies

he was born on february the 14th so yes literally he’s a secret romantic so what ? 

is a himbo , but a himbo with substance 

definitely that guy you look at and say ‘ oh thats a jock ‘ , and when you talk to him you say ‘ yep thats a jock ‘ , but then sometimes late at night , on rooftops , or on lonely benches in the middle of parks . . he’s got his shoulders hunched over and is writing in his diary , and he’ll suddenly say something very soft and sad and philosophical  

he feels everything 10000 % of the time . his emotions control him more than he controls his emotions . he’s a bit emotionally inept . if he’s happy , he’s really really enthusiastic . if he’s sad , he’s very very d*pressed . if he’s angry . . he’s downright m*rderous  . he never quite learned how to just feel emotions in a more spoonful type of manner

masks a lot of his suddenly serious moments by breaking out into laughter , or turning it into a joke . he FEELS things a lot , and sometimes if he feels that change in the air - or somebody looking at him differently / uncomfortably , he’ll be like ‘ ah abort abort  ! u overshared , u idiot ! ‘ and he’ll quickly diffuse the situation

as quickly as he can diffuse a situation , he can also ignite it . like i said . . paradoxical boy !

surprisingly always took schoolwork seriously  and was decent at university . considerably average .

in general he describes himself as pretty average , and that’s why he tries so hard to be the funny guy , or be memorable in some capacity to people . he thinks he’s quite forgettable . so he channels that energy towards making ppl smile when he CAN

loves making people laugh . loves it , loves it , loves it . he falls in love with people’s laughter .

he lives by himself and honestly ? he’s a bit of a lonely boy . he KNOWS a lot of people and is quite outgoing and extroverted at times , but he’s the definition of ‘ when your battery runs out of charge ‘ and very quickly just turning into the :| emoji bc he’s done being social for the day

maybe he just wants to be loved . . maybe he just wants to be held

he lowkey is quite self critical and self hating . he has abandonment issues ( his parents just kinda left him super alone as a kid ) and is a sensitive heaux about things at times 

BUT when he’s good, he’s GREAT ! he’s super up up up , super fun , outgoing . he’ll be the life of the party , yelling along to songs , hardly ever gets embarrassed . knows how much he can drink and incapacitate himself . gets messy to a certain degree but tries to keep things under control

will sleep with anyone at any time . . he is a sl*t but also doesn’t like sleeping alone ( what a baby ! ) . so honestly . .  if u wanna get ur heart broken or break his heart . , , , lets go i’m ready ( i don’t do m x m though . . sowwy ! )

draws inspo from steve harrington ( stranger things ) , kevin pearson ( this is us ), nate archibald ( gossip girl )  , jung joon - hyung ( weightlifting fairy kim )

as u can tell i’m still working on him at the moment . i work better crafting characters when i actually rp them u know ? anyways , hi hello i’m g ! i’m 24 , cisfemale , use she / her pronouns . 

i don’t have plots at the moments because i like to work off chemistry too , but PLEASE use me for as much drama as u want . hit me up with anywhere u could see tucker fitting in . literally he is here for all u sexy bitches to use as u desire . 

feel free to im me on discord ! 🌈sugar (g)ay#4182

i work 9-5 , and live in australia so my activity is SCATTERED at the best of times but i’ll always endeavour to reply and match ur enthusiasm !!!

i hope u like him and me !

[ambertea]

Hello!

What are your top 5 quotes?

What are your top 5 pieces of jewellery?

What are your 5 top female characters?

<3

Oh my god you absolute darliiiiing <3

5 favourite quotes:

1. I’m reading Astrophysics for People in a Hurry at the minute and thiiis quote stuck out so much for me: “We are stardust brought to life, then empowered by the universe to figure itself out—and we have only just begun.” I love that it’s so beautiful.

2. “I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.” From Sputnik Sweetheart, just ugh 👏💓 definitely feeling this so hard right now when there’s this tentative step back into socialisation and I can’t quite remember how to be Amber anymore

3. “Let's never come here again because it would never be as much fun.” From Lost in Translation, that film has always meant so much to me and it becomes more so as I get older and it feels like all the brilliant parts of my life are like all these snapshots that were amazing at the time but I know I can never return to, and would never really want to either

4. “Sometimes life’s a bitch and you keep on living.” From Bojack Horseman. Ohhh man. When I saw that for the first time I instantly wanted it tattooed on my body, the only reason I haven’t is bc of lockdowns.

5. I feel like I need to include a ten/rose one because that is essentially what I come to tumblr to spew out 😂😂 and that has to be the “I was inspired” line from the Stone Rose. Just— [screams into the void]

Top 5 jewellery:

Unfortunately I literally never wear jewellery because I am a terrible fidgeter and always end up leaving a trail of jewellery that I’ve scattered behind me. I got a nose ring briefly last year but fiddled with it too much and hurt my nose haha.

Top 5 female characters:

SCREAMS what a great question.

1. Okay so first off Valkyrie Cain from the Skulduggery Pleasant books needs to be on the list. I started reading the books when I was 12, and she was everything I needed to see from a girl when I was that age: she was funny and strong and her entire life wasn’t revolving around men (like most of the other YA fiction of the time.) ALSO as both myself & the character have aged it’s been so helpful for me to see this character that I idolised as a kid go through mental illness and addiction which were things I suffered with terribly for years as a teen, and I found so much comfort in that.

2. Naomi Jones from I Hate Suzie also needs to be on this list because I feel like that character is just a version of my irl self put straight to screen. Always trying to be in control, always acting the mother and caring for other people who are falling apart, and not taking any time to focus on herself, and her own needs and wants. Also it’s so nice to see a bisexual on screen who has sex, and is a sexual being in a way that doesn’t feel gross or portrayed through some male lens that isn’t accurate or kind.

3. Britta Perry from Community!!!! Okay I know a lot of people reallly don’t like her and I get why. But I so relate to her early on, when she desperately wants to do good things and work for charity and be this shiny kind figure, but finding it difficult and expensive and just hard. It’s so easy to be charitable if you’re rich, it’s so hard to be generous when you don’t have much to give in the first place.

4. OK DOCTOR WHO CHARACTERS. Donna fucking Noble. If I had watched Doctor Who for the first time as an adult, she would definitely be my favourite character. I know this character, I’ve met so many people just like Donna. So funny and absolutely brilliant who just have no awareness of it because life and other people have always kicked them down.

5. Alright. You guessed it. It’s Rose Tyler. I think the reason I still love this character so much is what she meant to me as a kid. I lived on a council estate, I didn’t feel especially smart or brilliant, and I didn’t really have much ambition because I didn’t really know what success even looked like in reality. That she was this kind of classic “chavvy” noughties girl who got jealous and petty but was also funny and clever, and so so good with emotional intelligence—that meant so much to me.

I made this waaaay too long sorry!!! But thank you so much for your ask it entertained me for a good chunk of time 😂

[jungstruly]

ship your moots with nct ot21?

[Langga anon and 💛anonie, you're here too!!]

Oh dear anon, prepare for a long ass post! It took me almost a day to match my moots with NCT and I'm rambling most of the time. Forgive me :<

Also, forgive me if I forget you! That doesn't mean I love you less, I promise. I may or may not do a part two so that I can fit every people who are dear to me.

[Disclaimer: This is only just for fun and is purely based on my feeling and what I perceive that member would be. All of my ramblings are hypothetical uWu.]

Taeil - @moondustaeil The talent these two people have istg, making them a power couple oh my. Ambs, the sweetest human being who just rolled with my crazy ass. Idk but I can't imagine any mutual who would be great with this man other than you. He respects and adores you like a captain respects the sea (it's a quote i found online, i forgot where but yus, credits to that quote)

Johnny - @espresseo-cafe Warm, these two people are just so warm and I feel like Jai and Johnny have a mature relationship. I can totally see both of you just talking about life in general  at like 2 in the morning over a cup of coffee just because. I can totally see you catching up with Johnny’s playful banter. Ahhhhh, you both feel like home in general <3

Taeyong - @badwithten uwu my precious bean! I ship you with Yongie. The both of you are great with reaching out to people. With that being said, it's nice for him to have someone who can read his emotions without saying it out loud. He may get too busy thinking for the greater good of other people that sometimes make him neglect himself.

Yuta - @lucas-wongs and @lattaeswirl The very talented dancers NSKSKS. I may or may not stalked you both hihi. A couple who dances uGH! I love the fact that you embrace your individuality and you're your own person. You're also independent, making me ship Yuta with you. 

Kun - @mooneylooney1 My lovely Sarah who radiates great mom energy. I mean, you’re caring and responsible and just full of love. I ship you with Kun! I do believe that he’s going to take very good care of you. It’s high time that you would be taken care of. You basically bring the best of each other, having room for self-improvement as you grow together. The both of you would make a great pair! As for @sunshine-jaehyun , I can imagine the both of you adopting some cats ùwú The both of you would be the perfect person to look out for each other. You wouldn't baby tf out of each other that much. I def think that Kun wants the both of you to grow together. He's someone dedicated and consistent all throughout and he expects you to be too (I'm sure you are you soft bby! I love your eyes!!) 

Doyoung - @emvrd and @cupofjae two lovely ate’s, hello! I could talk to the both of you all day tbh. You’ve always looked out for me ever since. Thank you for that :< Okay, enough with the kadramahan ehehe, I ship the both of you with our little bunny prince. Doei has a different way of showing people his love and affection and I feel like the both of you will be very mature and chill when it comes to it. Sure he may tease and play around but he’s def a sensible and a reliable person all in all. Taeyong once said to Doei, “Doyoung-ah, control your face. It’s just a game.” and I feel like you guys will also remind him of that from time to time lmao KSKSK.

Ten - @scissorhands1617 Both of you had a bad bitch with a dash of punk energy HAHAAH but in reality, is the biggest simp out there. You're def someone who can keep up with Ten who's a bit hard to read. You're also open minded and easy to talk to. It's Ten for you and will always be Ten! Sometimes I see him in you nsksks.

Jaehyun - @jae-canikeepyou Ahhh, I can imagine you spending the whole day together, the both of you doing your own thing with some faint old love song playing in the background. No talking, just comfortable silence. I mean, it’ll be nice to have someone who totally understands you and connects with you on a deeper level. Jaehyun’s def the shy type to the point that he’ll come off as awkward. But because of your patient nature, he’ll be much at ease, knowing that there’s no pressure. He loves handwritten letters and I know that you’re the type of person to give him love letters uwu.

Winwin - @jinxouls Ngoc I ship you with Winwin! You can be goofy with each other as well as be serious and be on their A-game when there's a need for it. I feel like the both of you will hit off right away. I only trust winwin when it comes to you nDGSHSH. 

Jungwoo - @eyypeach Actual sweethearts, what a good combo! It's nice for Jungwoo to have someone as sentimental as him and would need . I immediately think of you right away! The fact that you can empathize well with people makes the both of you a great pair. He'll make you happy and you'll make him too as well uwu

Lucas - @neowrld Let's be real here, your whole family will love this big fella! I feel like he'll be interested to know your culture just because he wants to know you better. Istg, he'll be extra af, even learning your mother tongue just because. Xuxi may come of as goofy and funny but I can feel like he needs someone to hold him close as he becomes vulnerable at the end of the day. I can see you being that person. @neocitybynight hey sunny, i think you and xuxi will look cute together uwu you love checking up on people and you just have too much love to give the world uwu uwu and I think Xuxi would love that. That big baby needs the love and care there is in this world :">

Mark - @suhpressed and @celestialchans I would never not stop saying this but the both of you never fail to amaze me. I do believe that both of you are doing your best to become better at your craft. You're hardworking and talented, just like Mark which makes you a good couple since the both of you are passionate with each of your own craft. You push and inspire each other and I think that's beautiful.

Xiaojun - @legendnct Hannah, why do I feel like you’re a very busy person? Like you have a lot of things on your plate and stressed because of college/burnt out from time to time. Xiaojun’s the type of guy who massages your shoulder or temples whenever he senses that you need a break. He’ll give you the space that you want whenever you’re doing uni stuff, probably in the same room as you just letting you study and placing your fave snacks and drinks beside you to remind you to take a break sometimes. He’s clingy when he wants to but respecting you is his number 1 priority.

Hendery - @smolchenle The vibes man ndksjdks (Sabog and sabay, kaloka lmAO) Wouldn’t mind doing the stupidest thing with you . There would be no dull moments together, istg. You’re basically each other’s happy pill aweeee. Oooh hahaha, I can totally imagine you having a disgusted “wtf, dude,” on your face whenever he does something funny only to follow his lead a couple of seconds later. Aside from that, he’s very touchy and affectionate (I mean, have you seen him with his cats? Sana all cat NDKKSKSK Oh wait, sana all Camille yieee!)

Renjun - @jae-ffrey Zen, you’re a year older than me but wow, you are wise and sensible. You’re a great listener as well and I feel like Renjun would enjoy your company. He’s very open minded and isn’t afraid to have fun from time to time, making you complement each other.

Jeno - @nzeeten My cute babies! I want to keep you both in my pocket ugh. Tbh, I get a strong independent woman vibe from you but at the same time, a very huge softie inside. I feel like Jeno’s the type of boyfriend who’s low maintenance in a sense that he won’t be that much needy for attention. It’s like you do you, I do me but it’s nice to know that at the end of the day, you have each other’s arms to come home to. I can imagine how smol you look wearing Jeno’s jacket ahhhh domestic!Jeno + sweet baby Allie is just to pure and soft for this world

Haechan - @bumblebeenct Mimi! My sweet sweet Mimi who always checks up on me and is a literal walking ball of sunshine. Wait, two suns together? Wouldn’t that be a disaster? I like to believe that your patient and motherly side can keep up with that little rascal. You’re also someone he can have fun with, I am sure of that.

Jaemin - @4-sun Jaemin better take good care of you or else! You’re laidback and composed (like Jeno nHSSK) and I can definitely see him taking you out on a photowalk, just walking in your city without any plans and taking photos of different views (expect him to snap a photo of you from time to time uwu) and going to a café after. Also, you’re very generous when it comes to compliments. I can see Jaemin as someone who absolutely loves those things.

Yangyang - @lovelyvitamin The amount of crackhead energy that you two have sends nKSKSKSK. I want you to have someone who understands your amazing humor and listens to your weird and out of the blue stories. Yangyang’s there to top your crazy stories with his and would do everything in his power to make you feel loved, appreciated and happy-- even going an extra mile. You make each other happy and I live for that thought itself!

Chenle - @imaginedreamies I feel like Chenle is going to baby tf out of you plus treats you like a queen, don’t @ me. You push each other to be better versions of yourselves. Like Chenle, I feel like you’re much more of a giver than a taker. It’ll be nice for Chenle to feel the love he gives to other people. 

Jisung - Langga anon! (I lost ur acc huhuhu) Ahhhhh, my two kiddos. I ship you with him bc I highkey imagine the both of you having a cute puppy love romance. Ya know, just being subtle with each other when it comes to expressing your love and affection. Missed u baby! 

[borderlinebastard]

forever ago I promised some advice on dealing with binge eating

Hello I’m Oliver, I’m recovering from bulimia. I wouldn't say I've gotten better completely, but I am on the way there. For several months this year I spoke with a dietician, this post is a summary of everything she told me. Disclaimer: I give this advice to you as a person who lives by myself and I do my own shopping.

The main thing is to find things that distract you from binges, and keep trying things even when they "don't work" because a) they may work eventually and b) being able to postpone binges shows you have self control which can be stregnthened through time. Things like walking, chores, games (not TV), reading. Sometimes I hated walking, and sometimes I didn’t. Anhedonia makes finding distractions a real bitch but all I can say is: keep trying. 

Make shopping, cooking, and keeping the kitchen clean as easy as possible for yourself, I've found that this is a real issue, since I'm often reluctant to go outside and struggle with chores. Things like cleaning a dish/countertop immediately after use or taking out the garbage any time you go outside or wearing gloves to make carrying shopping bags easier on your hands.

Look into intuitive eating resources, there's no need to count calories atm because your only goal is to stop binging - don't think about losing weight even if that concerns you. Write down what you eat, the time, and how you were feeling/what you were doing - this is to catch patterns and measure progress. It also reveals that you might actually be hungry because you need energy, which can be solved with a nap instead. Your food diary is essentially a problem solving guide. If you feel ___ what else can help with that?

Make a list of healthy foods from each food group that you like, as eating healthy food you don't enjoy won't get you anywhere. Pair healthy foods with foods you usually eat to ease you into this.

Here's my eating plan for example (note, I say plan and not diet, because after getting used to dealing with cravings this shouldn't feel like a diet, it's normal eating)

9am Breakfast - 70g cheerios and skim milk

11am Snack - Mini chocolate bar, and fruit

1pm Lunch - Chicken salad sandwich, almonds, and yogurt

5pm Dinner - 75g pasta, tuna & sweetcorn

7pm Snack - Toast

That plan is a short version, I have a variety of foods I can swap out for each meal. It’s not Super Healthy but also not the worst diet ever. You can substitute the foods with what you want, and also change the timing, though it's best not to go for more than 3 hours without food because it's key to keep satiated to prevent binges, and you can add an extra snack between lunch and dinner. Set alarms!  Try to make sure you're eating from all 5 food groups (starch, fruit/veg, meat, dairy, fat) especially those with protein and fibre as they'll fill you up.

Other points: you are allowed takeaway! And some soda! Because if you try to stop them cold turkey it will feel like a diet, and you will hate it and stop. I drink 2-3 bottles of 500ml coke a week, and that's ok because before that I was having 1L a day! (I've mostly switched to fanta, which is awesome bc it has half the sugar of coke and no caffeine. Squash and other diet drinks are good substitutes, though of course the best is water.) Same goes for takeaway, aim to only have them once or twice a week depending on how often you eat them. I find one main meal and one appetizer is a good baseline. You're looking for improvement, not perfection.

Stick to your meal times, routine will spike your appetite at appropriate times. But if you do go off time, mention why in your food tracking diary. Mention the things you eat outside of your plan too, though this can be difficult due to shame/guilt. If you write a binge in your food diary, consider that a win :)

If you binge or relapse, try to go back to the plan immediately afterwards, like if you binge at lunch, don't assume the whole day is "wasted" or that you "might as well keep eating". My dietician told me to throw out binge food, and while I baulk at that idea as a penny pincher, no good will come from it being in the house.

Your plan will likely change over time, and that's expected since you'll be learning more about your food habits. I hope this is helpful, I know how it is to have a bunch of AdviceTM thrown at you, but I've genuinely felt this guide helped :)

[werenotacoupleyesyouare]

IT HAPPENED AGAIN I FINISHED ROYAL ASSASSIN BEFORE EVEN MAKING A POST

-I will get into chronological order in a second but first, a rant: FITZ WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HOW DO YOU THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA OH MY GOD FITZ WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING-

-okay more on that later

- Glad to see no one died between book one and two, everyone is back and sexier than before of course except for Regal who was already the sexiest bitch in Buck keep

- just kidding y’all know that is Burrich

- I love how Robin Hobb decided we had to know that Burrich Fucks, I appreciate that of her

-Fitz is, as always, a complete dumbass. I’m starting to think that this is not just a temporary situation anymore

-Kettricken is really incredible, I may need to jump on the Kettricken simp train (although I’m more of a Patience lady myself I gotta say)

- This isn’t really an update but I keep thinking abiut how Galend used to say “you shall not have any contact with the opposite sex” like he wasn’t the only straight person in BuckKeep (well the only cishet at least except maybe for Shrewd)

Allow me to elaborate: Fitz and Molly? Bi. Hands? Gay. Burrich? Bi and not over his breakup with Chivalry. Patience? Bi and dating Lacey (lesbian). Verity and Kettricken are both trans, there is no way you can convince me otherwise. August is gay and repressed, which is different from Regal who is gay and homophobic. The fool is gender queer. Chivalry was pan. Chade is gay. The two girl classmates of Fitz one who became leader of the skilled kidz and the other who dropped out are dating, they broke up bc Galend’s psychological abuse had messed them up terribly but now they’re back together. (Update now I know more names, selene and justin both raging homos, truly evil stupid wlw/mlm solidariety). Will is gay too.

- OH I DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE BURRICH AND THE FOOL INTERACT I THINK THEY’D GET GET ALONG;; Burrich is friends with most of the young folk in Buckkeep, he’s a mentor to all of them and idk how old the fool is but I know they didn’t have that and they’re lonely as shit. They’re both done with every single person in BuckKeep and they both have at least one braincell, which is apparently extremely rare around here

-I love Fitz’s constant theme of “no one in BuckKeep knew. I was so furtive and secretive. No one could ever guess what I was doing” when he’s visiting either Night Eyes or Molly because I know all the folk in BuckKeep are like “ah shit there he goes again going to see that fucking wolf”

- MOLLY AND FITZ ARE SERIOUSLY SO DRAMATIC HDHENDJDJHFHDHC they gave me my fav scene ever though, where Molly and Fitz are doing their Dramatic Breakup Speech outside of Burrich’s room, while the Fool and Burrich are inside listening w a glass on the door like “shit- shit he’s coming in get away get away- Hello Fitz!”

- drunk fool was chaotic energy at its finest

- Patience and Kettricken keep being the absolute best I swear if Verity doesn’t come back I am marrying his wife myself

- on that note VERITY SIR I THOUGHT AT LEAST YOU HAD THE BRAINCELL,,, OH YES I’LL GO ALONE ON A MYTHICAL QUEST TO LOOK FOR FAIRIES SURELY MY EVIL BROTHER WON’T TRY ANYTHING WHILE I’M GONE ❤️

- ok everyone by now knows that I’m both a huge patience and burrich simp, but I will not believe for a second that they were in love, sorry Patience is in a happy relationship w Lacey and Burrich was always in love with Chivalry, I will not accept any other version of the story ❤️

- and now onto the sad part

- OKAY look I will tolerate any shit a character does, literally they could kill Fitz and I wouldn’t bat an eye but when Regal had the AUDACITY to order his men to hurt the Fool,,,, that was the irredeemable point of no return for me, Fuck regal all my homies hate regal

- I am growing extremely fond of the fool they’re the sweetest character so far I am honestly in love, also they’re smart thank god we needed someone with braincells near Fitz because that boy is a complete dumbass

- also the “Who did this to you.” scene after the fool got beaten up the first time,,,, I sense multishipping times nearing on the horizon

- when I tell you I cried my eyes out during Shrewd’s death,,,,,,,, not bc I care about the guy, pretty annoying as he was, but seeing the fool crying is not something I will ever recover from thanks

- everyone keeps saying that night eyes has the braincell out of him and Fitz but honestly!! That’s not true!! The wolf is a dumbass as well, it’s just that anyone put against Fitz would seem like a genius!!

- Fitz not realizing that Molly’s “the one I care most about” and Burrich’s “female friend who needs a hand” might,,, be related,,,,,,,,, lol

- idk if it’s actually like that but imagine how devastating it would be for Fitz to have his girlfriend stolen by his fucking DAD

or well father figure but still

- the way Fitz talks about Molly tho 💕💕

- The foreshadowing of Kettricken’s child actually being still born,,,,,,,,,,, I pretend I do not see

- The “let him go night eyes, he’s not yours” scene gave me chills tbh

- I’m manifesting some flashbacks of younger Chivalry, Verity, Patience and Burrich,,, I wanna see the dynamics,,,, don’t think I won’t write it myself if there aren’t any

- so yeah I have already started book three because I have no self control, every time Fitz skills out to Molly he gets a different picture of Burrich doing house work, if Fitz keeps this up he’ll be able to bless us all with the Hot Burrich Calendar we all deserve

Ending notes! I thought I would skip the liveship traders trilogy but everyone told me that it’s not a good idea so I’ll read everything in order :)

I am completely obsessed with these books please send help

Tagging some beautiful people @violetiris-ak @garnetrena @wolfofmars

[helaintoloki]

Season of the Witch | Michael Langdon

chapter three: The Witch is Back

masterlist

pairing: Michael Langdon x witch!reader

warnings: language, angst, violence, graphic descriptions, adult content, deception, toxic relationships, abuse, death, witchcraft, satanism and all that other good ahs stuff

notes: lowkey got emotional writing this bc i wish cordelia was my mom and i’m stupid. and small shout out to @gx-nji & @ateliefloresdaprimavera for all of their love and support for this fic! <3

summary: what exactly is hell? and who are these strange women? and why is y/n not dead?

Hell was an odd place for y/n. Perhaps her father-in-law had taken mercy upon her poor soul as she couldn’t find one single thing wrong with it. No blistering winds and scorching fires, no little red man with horns, no screams of agony, and no suffering.

She wasn’t sure where she was. The only surroundings around her were pure white, so pure it made her eyes ache if she looked upon it for too long. But it was quiet, the air was cool, the only piece of furniture to be found was a comfy bed, and she felt at peace. Perhaps she wasn’t in hell at all... But if that was the case, then where the hell was she?

“Michael?” Y/N called out, her voice bouncing off the walls and echoing back to her. “Michael!”

“Y/N!”

“Michael?!”

“Help us!”

“Hello?! Who’s there?” Y/N called back, fear bubbling up within her stomach. She felt nauseous, the panic clawing its way through her heart as her fingers began to tingle and twitch in fear.

“Y/N!” The voice called, clearer now, ear shattering and in despair.

“W-Who are you?!” She cried. “Show yourself!”

“Save us! Save us, please,” the voices wailed.

“What do you want from me?!” She demanded, and she began to cry.

The walls drip red, hands smeared across the once clean white as multiple screams echo throughout the empty room and a chorus of bangs pound against the walls. They come in various directions, various voices, various suffering. The walls are closing in now, and she can’t breathe.

“Stop it!” She screeches, hands slamming over her ears and eyes closing shut. The screams grow louder, the pounding of the walls crescendoing until it‘s too much. Her heart was aching, lungs ready to explode. This was her hell. This was how she’d spend eternity.

When it seemed it couldn’t get any louder, the screams stopped, and the only sounds to fill the room were her quiet sobs.

“Please,” she whimpered, figure cowering against the red walls as she sunk to the ground and huddled against one of the corners.

“Y/N,” a voice, gentle and soothing, whispered. She could feel the cool air of someone’s breath against her ear, causing her to gasp. “Y/N. It’s time to wake up.”

And everything went dark.

~~~

Cordelia watched with tears in her eyes as her daughter rose from the dead with a gasp and a chorus of violent coughs. Beside y/n awoke her fellow sisters, and Cordelia couldn’t help but feel the love for her coven and hope for a second chance at salvation swell in her heart.

“Surprise bitch,” Madison smirked as she kneeled before Mallory. “I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“My dearest y/n,” Cordelia quivered, a gentle hand resting on her cheek as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the young girl’s forehead. “It’s been so long. I thought he’d taken you away from me forever.”

“W-Who are you?” Y/N whimpered, flinching away from her touch as she glanced around frantically at the new faces before her. “Where’s Michael?”

“We couldn’t find your batshit crazy boyfriend,” Madison quipped. “You really need to learn to be picky about who you give your pussy to.”

“Michael isn’t my boyfriend, he’s my husband,” y/n corrected with a frown, and Cordelia felt sick to her stomach.

“Oh, you poor dear,” Myrtle cooed. “He really did do a number on you.”

“What are you talking about?!” Y/N insisted, rising from her spot on the ground and immediately growing nauseated. Cordelia held out her arms to hold the poor girl but y/n refused. She felt sick to her stomach, her head was spinning and her mind couldn’t wrap around anything that was presented to her.

“Being revived from the dead surely takes a toll on the mind and spirt, doesn’t it? I think the perfect antidote to stoke the blood and speed up the recovery process would be a spicy gazpacho andaluz,” Myrtle smiled.

“You think the kitchen here has a spice rack?” Madison retorted, and Cordelia shook her head.

“We put your sisters, Coco and Mallory, under an identity spell to keep them safe. But you... my sweet daughter,” Cordelia smiled sadly, reaching out and gently moving a stray strand of hair out of her face, “Michael took you away before I could protect you. I failed you, but I won’t let it happen again.”

“Sisters? N-No, I... I was an orphan. I am an orphan. I only ever had Michael.”

“Can somebody please just tell me what’s going on?!” Mallory questioned with frustration in her tone.

“You all are sisters, all part of the coven, all witches,” Myrtle stated.

“Witches?!” Y/N cried. “I-I don’t have any...”

And then it hit her. The dreams, the blurry memories, the incident with Mallory. They were all connected, they had to be. And when y/n looked at the woman in front of her again, gazed upon her face and took in her features, she realized.

“You’re the woman from my dreams,” y/n whispered, hesitantly reaching to touch the woman’s face in front of her in fear that she’d disappear just like the dreams. But when y/n rested her hands on her cheeks, tears immediately began to fall. “Cordelia.”

“I never stopped looking for you,” the woman whispered, her own tears shedding. “Never stopped thinking of you. You were my whole world, my sweet little witch.”

“I... I see your face every night,” y/n sniffled, a sad smile on her face. “I always felt like a part of me was missing and now I... I’ve found it.”

“Okay, this is sweet and all,” Madison interrupted, “but we have serious issues to discuss. Like how to defeat Michael, for instance.”

“Defeat him? I don’t want to defeat him,” Mallory stuttered.

“Leave me out of it,” Dinah butted, chiming in for the first time since being raised from the dead. “I haven’t promised anything, I haven’t signed any contracts, no disclaimers, nothing. I don’t owe you anything and I’m not here to defeat anyone.”

“Yeah right, as if you could ever defeat anyone with your backwards voodoo shit,” Madison scoffed.

“How can any of you defeat me when I’ve already won?” A voice boomed, and all women turned to see Michael at the top of the stairs smiling smugly, accompanied by his right hand Miss Mead. His arrogant demeanor faltered slightly when he saw his bride standing beside the woman he loathed the most.

“Y/N,” Michael cooed gently. “My beloved, step away from that woman right now.”

“N-No,” y/n protested, nervously clinging to Cordelia’s arm for support.

“No?” Michael repeated, his patience already growing thin. He scoffed. “Little lamb, you know not to disobey me. Now come here right now.”

“Fuck you,” y/n spat, and it felt good. No longer did he have total control over her mind, body, and soul, no longer could he manipulate and degrade her, punish and use her. She didn’t feel like kissing the ground he walked anymore, didn’t feel like pleasing him, and she didn’t feel like submitting to him anymore. His spell had been broken. Michael Langdon no longer had control over y/n. “I’m staying right here with my sisters, the ones you took away from me.”

“Perhaps you haven’t noticed, dearest y/n,” Michael spat, venom in his voice as he uttered her name, “but you don’t have a choice. Have you seen the state of the world? I’m the only one who can provide for you.”

“The state of the world is almost as bad as your dinner jacket,” Myrtle retaliated, “but at least the world can be saved.”

“By you?” Michael teased.

“By all of us,” Cordelia declared, hand reaching for y/n’s in solidarity.

“Hey, get the wax out of your ears, I’m here to watch,” Dinah reminded.

“Well I’m not,” Coco huffed, marching towards Michael but faltering slightly under his menacing gaze. “Just don’t let me die again okay? The first time really sucked.”

And y/n, still trying to keep up with her new surroundings and new findings, held her head high despite how hot Michael’s burning gaze felt against her skin. He’d taken everything away from her, hidden her true self and turned her into his little pet, taken advantage of everything she was.

Not anymore.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

tag list: @ticklish-leafy-plant @gx-nji @anacerta @bluebirdbts @heda-mikaelson @redlovett @fuck-yeah-bruno-buccerati @ateliefloresdaprimavera @quechulitaaa @theeonlyroman

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.

[philip-seville-archive]

BDRP 2021 Resolutions

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2018! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)

A silly goal but I would like another female character lol

More one-shots! I always have these ideas for them but because I let them grow too large in my brain or I feel like I need to turn them into a proper ‘short story’ I intimidate myself out of doing them and then let the opportunity to slide. So this year I hope to fix that and once again be more chillax with myself. (Though here is a shoutout to me bc I published some one-shots last year I was happy about, like Nemo’s “Breath,” Berlioz’s parentage reveal, and my John Darling stuff!) 

Do One Task Every Month. Another small but very doable goal 

Learn how to say no: ahaha this seems a weird thing to put here but its actually about events and i feel this is a safe space to admit that i love love events but they like, truly take a toll on my arthritic hands which means i really can only do two characters probably. But i feel bad only rping with just two ppl etc esp if other people hit me up, or if there are other people i WANT to rp with, so i end up not doing it at all because i get overwhelmed and feel like no one will believe me about my shitty hands (which is of course silly but man chronic illness anxiety am i right). Sooooo i need to find a better way to enjoy events and manage my own health! 

Finish some of the fairy lore stuff i got in the works lol 

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

These vaguely feel like spoilers but oh well i love spoilers 

Berlioz: Find His Daddy. Also groove room stuff. 

Hades: Pokevolve his emotional intelligence! Also would like to do more Board things with him actually, esp bc he will have to run for office so: focus on his political aspirations

Merida: Integrate into society! She is doing it more but I really hope her friendships with the knights will let her fully embrace herself again. ALSO ALSO alpha Merida! 

Charlie: Greater control over his magic and more confidence in himself. We gettin there bb

Ashleigh: Entangle her further with the knights/Henry and eventually reveal she’s a mara bc i would like that for Henry it will be horrifying for him

Nemo: embrace dance as a career option and therefore overcome the systematic factors that have convinced u that u cant! YOU CAN 

Jun: Date. (Horrifying for him. Not his goal.) Also just more hijinks, I love love hijinks, would love business-related hijinks. 

Olaf: Get more involved on campus!! More uni plots for him would be great esp when it comes to figuring out if he’ll stay on campus after this year (and also like how this affects his friendship with Sindri) 

Atta: QUEEN STUFF. This is first on my list so we’re gonna make you happen. Blow up Atta’s life, really make her deal with that imposter syndrome. Love it. 

Pip: Put the mortifying fear of being known into Pip. aka open up about his mum a bit with like, someone. Or just admit that the people he says are his enemies are actually his friends.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?

Note that I love seeing which characters echo my goals and which ones don’t at all. It’s just fun and neat. Probably says something about each one’s emotional self-awareness. (Mostly pointing out how Hades is extremely self-aware i love that for him) 

TW: weight 

Berlioz: Literally nothing. Sorry he just thinks resolutions are stupid and life is pointless (he is in a state). 

Hades: Prepare for his election next year, raise his children well, help Belle in her recovery 

Merida: Assist King Arthur. Become a good alpha to Alice specifically (not u lou i mean like she is but she’s like that bitch doesnt need me) 

Charlie: Reup his certs! Figure out a specialty! 

Ashleigh: Revenge against Romeo, revenge against John Darling + company for destroying her tree 

Nemo: Get an apprenticeship this year. Work on Hangul. Lose seven stone. Work on wing sprints. Be better son. Be more responsible and help Appa. Get job again? ...Quit dance? 

Jun: something nerdy about increasing the overall revenue or something of the market i dont know im not a business person. Also something nerdy about Animal Crossing, maybe he wants to add a new room to his house. Jun’s goals have nothing to do with himself personally. 

Olaf: Get involved in uni! Learn more about his talent and practice it intentionally, including how to control it better so he is not overwhelmed in situations like the nightmare fog. 

Atta: Help Dot with her apprenticeship!! Learn more stuff about clumsy culture. Pass her petition about water fountains. 

Pip: Grow SSIC followers by 100+; grow Spill engagement by 20%; arrange guest speakers for SSIC and maybe help SSIC write a petition together?; get a solo for the spring concert; get a lead role in the summer musical; read 50 books in a year; drink less coffee (he will fail this last one) 

List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so

Ferb. Technically I did interact with him but it was just ONE gif chat when he first got here and I would like to do more!! I think he’s great, i love all of Sid’s characters! 

Bianca: HOW HAVE I NOT RPED WITH BIANCA! I don’t know but I want to. Maybe Merida and Bianca would be interesting bc of RAS things! (Also I have interacted with Kristoff but I want to do stuff with Kristoff and trolls please message me bee if u want to do troll things...i love. them.) 

Rita: In a similar vein, I think Rita/Ber or Rita/Pip might be interesting. Pip totally looks up to Rita and sees her as a role model so i dunno that could be cool. 

Rose: Whitman: Kit, we need to have Rose and Merida interact. Fighty ladies. I am sure with the knights this can happen! 

Pacifica: Hello Lins, Pacifica and Ashleigh should be Best Friends Of Course. I could also maybe see Pacifica and Jun if Pacifica wants to do some kind of business philanthropy for her image etc. Or Olaf and Pacifica! Sounds like a wild time, that. 

Tod: Olaf/Tod would probably be very fun, I love Pixie friendships! Also maybe Ber bc i think Ber knows Tod from way back when maybe? 

Edward: Z PLEASE. PLEASE. Pip and Edward bc they are from the same movie and no other reason!! But I will also throw literally anyone at him. 

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it. Here’s an example.

ATTA’S ROYAL TALENT AWAKENS 

Attendy: Atta goes ice skating with Wendy and has to stop bc of a headache and faints on the ice!!! 

@: Directly after attendy, Dot panics about Atta’s health and wants her to come clean. They fight! 

Full Moon Event: Atta faints again in front of everyone. MARLIN helps heal her and Dot/Sled confesses to Queen Clarion what’s going on. 

Clarion/Atta: Oh Honey You Got A Big Storm Coming

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Love O2O” with Me!

Episode 1

yes hi hello it is me, a person with little to no self control when it comes to starting dramas/shows

i already watched episode 1 the other day but i had thoughts and opinions about things that i couldnt record bc i was busy while watching it

so here we are :^)

as little lion mark lee would say, lezgeddit

ok so as per when watching things on the netflix we are shown the title sequence all the way thru

im was told last time i talked about this that it’s silence wang’s song which i love to see

apparently hes nicknamed the ost king or something like that bc of how many he does

the title sequence is interesting i will say

but i was busy jamming so

god the cgi is kringy i love it so much

theyre definitely not in kansas anymore toto

i love weiwei’s partner’s outfit

it fucking slaps

hers is cool too with the hair piece and gauntlets ugh im ay

oooh flaming sword flaming sword

legolas shit from her partner

ok the lil sigil things im lowkey here for ladjlkasdj

nini is so cute omg i want to give her a hug shes so smalll

we stan a woman with principles

al;kdfjalskd the guy’s face that nini’s hiding behind

i love the face hes making akjlfskdjf

oh her and legolas are married in game

akldfjsdlkf the couple walking by calling each other cutesy names is sending

id like to go out for japanese food sir

he kinda seems like a creep but still

food

whoopes her computer mcdied

#unfortunate

i love her roommate’s sweater

who the fuck calculates the amount of electricity before they make noodles

ahhhh thats so cute omggggg

if thats what dorms really are like in china i could handle not being able to choose my own major

better than the closets i had had to live in e.e

weiwei’s neck is very swan like and she seems like a tomboy moreso than her roommate that has short short hair

pathetic attempt at fighting but go off

oh so they will change their clothes and pack her laptop but wont lock the door??

queen shit

omg the vespa is so cute im LIVING FOR IT

ugh scenery

girl stop lying just say you have a gate (gaming date)

there we go

ma’am i am also single after two years of the collegiate experience

clam down

their campus is so nice tho ugh i envy

omg remembere when we would gather in crowds like that without worry

im the girl breaking everyones dream right now but also her friend saying yolo we should go anyways

i cannot tell if “lord” is part of his name or not

alkdfjalsdkf i love the roommmate

she has absolutely 0 shame about being herslef

we stan

yiran and nana seem like theyre going to be the irl antags

smh @ how dramas keep pitting bad bitches against each other

also if that is the guy yiran is into, sweetie, please grow some taste

hes trying to scam you

h*ck yeah weiwei we love to see it

i LOVE the roommate

hes also like definitely old enough to be yirans father

which ok i support you i guess???  but also

her purse was so extra too i love it

me *handshake emoji* weiwei

not being able to remember names and faces

miss roommate,,, speaking as a queer,...you sound a bit uhhhh

fruity right now

that was definitely a uh...descison

the outfit too is also more on the....other end of the spectrum ma’am

oh just guys being dudes playing black and white stones on a grid

love that for them

theres deffo a motif of black and white for some reason i wonder if it’s going to play into world views or reasoning vs emotion or if the costume designers just really liked how it looked

anyway wei2 is playing the game and she has dao blades

FIRE

this man’s nails are so nice wtf

oh she feels like stunting on these hoes

yixiao naihe or somethign like that

i support it

it looks like grid stone guy is older but deffo comes from a prestigiuos family

just based on how his uncle’s like, ya want this buildign?

he doesnt look too pleased to hear that his uncle thinks hes like him

oh we hear that spicey ost music popping in

guess he’s the irl love interest

my guess is that he’s the naihe guy

ooh his ears are pierced too

i hope that the costume designers make use of it

a bitch is just staring at her empty chiar

sorry if your new to me i just dont spell correctly and i refuse to learn how

oh theres thunderrrr

oh they got two other roommates?

oooh yakult

those slap

laundry hung up outside??

couldnt be me

erxi is the roomates naem

weiwei, sisi, erxi, and xiaoling are the girls living in the dorm

xiaoling is the same major as wei2 but doesnt feel like theyre studying the same things alksjdflsakjd

the sound suddenly got a lot more echoey

erxi is my favorite character rn

aish theyre all so dramatic akdjflasdj

ok yiran and nana time again

yiran is fishing for compliments and nana is giving her so many fish

nana is kind of a snake but so is yiran so its fine

i dont understand what her car has to do with how innocent weiwei is but ok

cao guang is interesting as a character so far bc he did take pictures of weiwei getting out of a car but then deleted them but then says why would he be interested in someone like her

and then yiran and nana’s interp of wei2 is immediately juxtaposed by wei2 telling erxi to sign up all of the roommates for a summer internship program showing that shes kind and caring

to an extent

i still have mixed feelings about her

FROG

EVIL FROG WITH LIKE THREE HEADS I LOE HIM

HES DEAD???

ANNOYING BUT GO OFF I GUESS

oh they get them spiocy spicey holograms

oh her ingame husband is asking for their marriage to be annulled

but doesnt give her a reason

oh so shes a comp major but doesnt have the camera on her laptop covered??

fake

i like the in game costuming a lot

i will probably say that a lot but i want you to know now how much i love it

high fantasy babey

drink that tear drop babiieeee

shes gonna turn down that sick sword omg couldnt be me

they took it rather well considering

yayyyy the tinie ingame pal is back

OH SHIT SHE IS HERE FOR TEA

SHE SPILLED ALL THE OOLONG IN THAT ONE Y’ALL

apparently the guy left her for another player who actually’s shown her facce

ohhhh nini’s irl typing face is hilarous

hilarious

adlkasdlkf not at how wei2 is screamign and spooked erxi reading fanfic

oooooohhhhh i forgot to say this earlier but il ove wei2′s jacket es ist sehr schoen

adskfjsld;kadl she ditched the game for a second to bathroom it up and now everyone is watchign her “watching” the promenade of the newly married couple

girl hurry it up in there stop wasting so much toilet paper it is a valuable commodity

she really jsut threw it away smh

i will say tho that the newlyweds’ outfits are really pretty

ooohhh zhenshui’s outfit looks like irl fire lord zuko’s imo

oh sis is reading them messages about storming the wedding lmaoooo

what to do what to do...

the guy looks like hes at an office somewhere thats so funny to think hes gaming during work hours

bitch is gonna sell herbs i scream

NOT at how they made in game zhenshui lighter than his irl counterpart

smH

he looks better irl

OOOOHHHHH A KING HERE TO STUNT IN THE ALL WHITE WE LOVE YIXIAO NAIHE SHWOIGN THE FUCK UP

i am a stan and i have no idea who or what he’s like

bitch

is he ...

BIT CH

ASND ADL;LK;FJA;WEKL

HE REALLY SAID MARRY ME INSTEAD LOVE TO HEAR IT

true kingshit

oooohhhh ending sequence really be showing things huh

ooohhh wait tht lord something guy is probs yxnh isnt he

oh she really just run up to him like that ok

im boy with glasses and backpack falling off of him

hey the picture guy has a cat???

love to see ittttt

FOREHEAD KISS SHUT THE FUCK UP

ohhh is photo boy gonna romance erxi?

irl ex in game husband appears to be dramatic as fuck

love to see it

oh my god ive only had erxi for an hour but if anything happens to her im killing photoboy and everyone else in the room and then myself

ok!

that’s all for episode one

its kinda short since ive already seen it and had an idea of what was to happen

but the next episodes are unknown to me so this is gonna be fun!

already we know i am ride or die for erxi and would fight most people for wei2 and the other two roommates

and we know that i hate that theyre pitting yiran and nana agaisnt erxi and wei2 (and also by default of being roommates xiaoling and sisi) bc im sick of the trope

but also i think that irl zhenshui is going to meet yiran bc that’s who the new ingame wife has to be right???

like im bad at names and faces but thematically and plot wise that’s what has to happen right???

anyways!!

i will watch episode two and will do the same as i do for every wwm ^-^

thank you for reading!!!

stay safe and stay healthy <3333

[yundaysss]

AAAA hello everyone i’m peep and this is my bb evelyn !! :~) i haven’t tumblr rp’d in like two years so a bitch is gonna be learnin as she goes but i’m soooo excited bc everyone’s muses look dope as hell and everyone seems so cool and UGH y’all i am so Ready ... IOJEQIQJW but yes this is evelyn shes sweet dramatic naive idealistic and just started her dj career and lowkey has a secret child ugh anyway lets mf GO <3

˖ °╰ ⌜ [ MUSE 3, KIM CHUNGHA, TWENTY-THREE, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER ] hey, have you seen EVELYN YUN ? last time i saw them i think they were hanging around THE GOOD ROOM. they can kind of be IDEALISTIC but can also be pretty SUSCEPTIBLE. they’re often caught listening to HERE BY NAMASENDA ! they also tend to remind me of  NEON FAUX FUR, Y2K ERA BUBBLEGUM POP, CHARLIE’S ANGELS, ZENON: GIRL OF THE 21ST CENTURY, POWERPUFF GIRLS ! let me know if you’ve seen them around, they’ve been working at the championship around ONE YEAR and they’re late for their shift ! (  peep , 22 , est , she/her )

STATISTICS  

FULL NAME:  evelyn  yun NICKNAME(S): evie,  eve,  e AGE:  twenty - four GENDER + PRONOUNS:  cis  female + she/her ORIENTATION:  bisexual ZODIAC:  cancer  sun,  leo  moon BIRTHDAY: june  30th,  1996 PLACE OF BIRTH:  syracuse,  new  york LOVE LANGUAGE:  words  of  affirmation,  quality  time OCCUPATION(S):  championship  vinyl  employee  by  day,  aspiring  dj  by  night DRINKING / DRUGS / SMOKING:  yes / yes / sometimes LABEL:  the  loose  cannon / one  who  cannot  control  their  own  emotions  and  may  act  out  as  a  result  of  this TRAITS: (+) idealistic,  good-natured,  reflective,  loyal,  sensitive,  playful,  reliable,  resourceful,  sentimental,  shrewd,  / (-) susceptible,  imprudent,  escapist,  dependent,  naive,  distracted,  moody,  overemotional,  dramatic

BIOGRAPHY

the following biography page contains the following: abortion mention, underage partying.

read at your own risk.  

she was born in the 90′s, in the midst of europop and grunge. and yet, evelyn was born into what she would later feel to be a very boring situation — two scientists working at syracuse university who were on the cusp of their forties. besides her parents, she has one older brother who is seven years his junior, which caused a bit of a power struggle in her childhood. from a very young age, she felt the weight of filling shoes that were too big for her. never seeing her parents fail openly in front of her caused the girl to have an enormous weight of pressure as soon as grades started mattering in middle school. the pressure didn’t just come from her parents, either. as evelyn was coming into her own, her brother was there every step of the way to push her confidence back down. always under the guise of ‘playing around’ and ‘just teasing’, her self worth quickly eroded until he moved out when she was fourteen. 

which lead to the mess that was her high school experience. it wasn’t long before she realized she didn’t have a knack for school and her wilted self worth was convincing her that she never will. eventually, she found comfort in online forums and social network platforms, often friending complete strangers, which later evolved into coming across profiles of people in the nyc underground nightclub scene. from this, these profiles soon became her closest friends and the people she felt truly understood her the most. so of course, by the time she was able to drive, she decided to sneak out on the weekends to new york city and meet these people.

and, truthfully, it wasn’t bad. at first. they were very welcoming and supportive, and always knew where to go to have the chaotic night they all wanted. they helped evelyn score a fake id (though, to their knowledge, she was nineteen, never realizing she was sixteen the whole time) and eventually helped score her smaller drugs like weed. but after having weed and later trying pills, the teenager kept craving more and more, wanting to both escape and feel closer to the music, the people, everything, more more more. which is where things got rough.

first off, it was inevitable that her parents would find out as evelyn was never good with lying. she would tell them she’s going to nyc to network or some bullshit, she would come home the next day clearly looking wrecked, her parents would yell at her, take her car away too. but she’d always find a way back to the city on the weekends. when she wouldn’t come home for days? and even miss days of school? yeah, they were starting to worry the fuck out. also because, evelyn stopped coming home one weekend. she didn’t answer her parents’ messages and truthfully, she felt like she’d be happy never returning back to her old life. which is why she moved in with her club boyfriend at the time at seventeen.

it was a mature decision for sure, but very reckless. and the severity of the situation did not hit her until a year later, when she realized she missed her period. and she wanted to get an abortion, definitely, but honestly a part of her thought maybe this was the plan for her life. that this would give her structure, force her to grow up a bit, and her boyfriend had surprisingly been supportive at this point; the two still being in the honeymoon phase a whole year later. so, at 3:04am on december 3rd, 2014, her beautiful boy charlie was born. and at 8:32pm on july 26th, 2016, her boyfriend left. apparently deciding to spend some time in thailand to ‘figure his shit out’. must be fucking nice.

it stabbed her to her core that this person, who helped define her recent years, was suddenly gone and she had to raise his child all alone at twenty. the bone-crushing pressure she was so successful at escaping for years returned in full again and she wasn’t able to handle it. she decided to contact her ex-boyfriend’s parents, knowing calling her own for advice was not an option and recognizing that the child would grow up in a more emotionally and financially stable environment with them. and since that day, his parents has been charlie’s legal guardians. though, evelyn still makes a trip to the upper east side every weekend to see him.

WANTED CONNECTIONS / OTHER

i have a page HERE with like four ideas but lets def plot and figure out our own thing too ayooo <3 

also lmk if you want me to give you a rundown of the bio since it’s long :~)