borderlinebastard

[borderlinebastard]

oh hello bpd rage. I almost forgot you existed. Your offer to burn everything to the ground is very tempting but you see i have to survive tomorrow and next week and year (tragic i know) so i will have to decline but feel free to make other self destructive suggestions

[borderlinebastard]

keep trying things that people insist will improve my confidence and it doesn't, just makes me worse lol

[borderlinebastard]

[borderlinebastard]

[borderlinebastard]

safe hotlines and other resources

i'm seeing a lot of links to suicide prevention hotlines being shared around, which is well-intentioned, except that most of these organizations participate in non-consensual intervention. basically, if they believe you might pose a danger to yourself, they will call police or emergency services on you

so here is a curated list of US community-based services that don't call cops

hotlines:

callblackline.com - peer support hotline by and for BIPOC (queer friendly)

thrivelifeline.org - text line for underrepresented individuals (BIPOC, queer, disabled, etc)

translifeline.org - peer support and crisis hotline run by and for trans people

wildfloweralliance.org warmline - private, trained peer support

peer support organizations:

projectlets.org - grassroots org for community mental health care

mindfreedom.org - nonprofit org advocating for agency in mental health care, especially for survivors of psychiatric abuse

please feel free to add on any local resources you've vetted! there are many state-based orgs i will look into and add on as i go. (international resources are trickier due to differing laws regarding non-consensual intervention, unfortunately, but if i find enough trustworthy resources, i'll be sure to share.)

please take care of yourselves and each other. remember, to paraphrase audre lorde, self-preservation is a political act.

reblogs dearly appreciated <3

[borderlinebastard]

I though things had changed but everything feels the same

[borderlinebastard]

my friends have gone out together twice this week and i find this out through photos of them having fun without me. we've been a trio since the start but they're starting to seem more like a duo and i'm their fucking adopted pet rescued from the shelter. it's worse to be tolerated out of pity for the occassions they do see me and having to deal with this in between hangouts than to just get ghosted.

[borderlinebastard]

my friend told me he and our other friend admire my freedom/independance. buddy that's called "being kicked out of the family at 16 and having never had a relationship and being alone 90% of the time". reading a book in a random cafe in another town by myself is hardly the adventure he imagines it to be.

[borderlinebastard]

“i’m not the same as who i was before [x] thing happened to me” does it help to know that you would not have stayed that person regardless

[borderlinebastard]

Some distress tolerance DBT worksheets. It’s important to remember to only use these when you’re at the height of emotion and you need to bring yourself down to a level where you can actually manage the problem. If you use these when you’re able to manage the problem, they’re not useful and just a distraction. 

[borderlinebastard]

something i've been working on this year is allowing myself adjustment time before/after emotionally draining meetings/tasks, or even just chores like shopping. i found therapy a lot easier to handle when i meditated for 5-10 minutes before and went for a walk, or to a cafe, or did the dishes afterwards to have time to process what we talked about. chores become a bit easier when I frame them as breaks from mentally demanding tasks or periods of not moving like when i make art.

sitting while listening to a podcast to give me the momentum/boredom needed to dust or vacuum (since i prefer podcasts while doing something else) and then reading a book afterwards to recover.

when i go out with friends i come up with a summary of my week and use earplugs rather than listening to media while on public transport so the journey feels longer and i have time to mentally prepare, taking longer bathroom breaks while out, then when i get back tidying up or showering or watching videos.

obviously your adjustment time will look different, and it's an idea to consider what hard/easy activities are for you so you can pair them together.

[borderlinebastard]

(in the middle of a friendly conversation with a number of interesting and attractive people) haha yeah, right? and do you ever feel like you're slowly burning to death over the course of years

[borderlinebastard]

my friends are too busy for my birthday, again, even though i invited them for the day out weeks ago... why did they say how excited they were to go then flunk out like this... they're rescheduling to the week after but that doesn't change the fact i'll be alone on my birthday for the 4th year in a row. i'm already lucky if we get to meet twice a month and they're not great at messaging regularly. then again these are the longest friendships i've had as an adult, and they're drama free... sigh. such a heavy emotional cost to have just this.

[borderlinebastard]

"Oh god, I'm feeling so mentally unwell rn, I'm going outside to clear my head"

20 mins later, returning

"Thank fuck I'm back home where I'm safe and I certainly won't spiral again"

[borderlinebastard]

Goodness and Power - How to Rebuild a Lost Sense of Self

[borderlinebastard]

they updated bpd in the DSM. one of the symptoms is now "able to read minds and discover who secretly wants to leave you" and another is "above average amount of correct opinions"

[borderlinebastard]

I saw a post the other day about how difficult mindfulness meditation can be, especially for people who are neurodivergent, and OP was frustrated that their therapist never recommended anything else. There are many opportunities to bring mindfulness, focus, and intention to activities you already like! Learning about flow state has been a real eye-opener for me.