#hello from bel-o

[todoroki-shouts]

Went to a hanfu photoshoot for funsies a while ago and the photos are coming out now 🙌 I like the colors in this one in particular

(Photo by @/shotbyjerms on insta)

(Hanfu from Cloud9Hanfu on etsy)

[elliots-an-idiot]

Dimitrescu Sisters comforting dysphoric trans masculine s/o and reacting to him coming out!

My first dimi sister work inspired by @muffinsin :3 I’m a transgender man so this is mostly self indulgent lmfao, I hope you enjoy!! I’ll do a smut version if anyone’s interested!!! (@muffinsin has the best stories ever!!!)

Bela

“Love, baby, what’s wrong?” Bela wipes the tears from my face as I wept, feeling so wrong in my own body, “little one, come here.”

I lay on the bed and curl into her arms sobbing, my dysphoria had already been kicking my ass today but with the dance coming up it was getting worse. The crimson dress Bela had chosen made her look effervescent, even more than usual. I haven’t seen the dress she chose for me yet, but the pit in my stomach told me it was similar to hers. Her dress, one suitable for a princess, and mine? I sobbed at the mere thought of being stuck in one for the night.

“B-bels I can’t-“ I took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” She looked down at me with a pained expression, “what are you saying love? Are you brea-”

“No! I can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. ��� I grab the material of the skirt I’m wearing and feel more hot tears stream down my cheeks, “Bels I’m not a girl, I’m sick of trying to be one and I-”

“Love, I know, I’ve known since we met. You have the body of a woman but, your blood, it’s not female. You’re a man my love, a real man. No matter what anyone says.” She grabs my face before I can speak and gently kisses me, “I love you nonetheless, if you’re worried about the dance, stop. I chose your outfit for you remember? Do you want to see your outfit for the dance baby?”

I nod, shocked by her love and acceptance. We stand and approach her closet, I turn to her as she grabs the most amazing tux I’ve ever seen. It perfectly matches her dress.

“Bels, darling,” I feel more tears well up in my eyes, “I fucking love you.”

“I love you too my pretty boy.”

Cassandra

“Hey pet- oh shit you’re crying,” Cassandra swarmed over and plonked on the bed in front of me, “who do I need to kill? What’s wrong doll?”

“Cass-” a sob cuts me off and I curl into her lap, the fabric of my bra digs into my back again and I claw at it to take it off.

“What are you doing? Why are you crying?! Also, what the fuck is going on!?!” Cassandra is practically fuming at this point, concern etched into her face. She grabs my hands and takes a deep breath, “Doll please talk to me, I’m here.”

I look up at her and tears well in my eyes, waves of fear and sadness crash onto me as I take a deep breath. Then blurt everything out at once, “Cassieimaboy”

“What?” A smile spreads on her face and she laughs, no, cackles at me, “Fucking-”

“Cass I'm so sorry I've known for a while but I love you so much and I didn't want to ruin anything and-" She purses her lips and puts a hand over my mouth.

“As I was saying, fucking finally dumbass, no shit.” she smirks down at me, and all I can do is stare back in shock "Are you almost done crying? I have a surprise for you and- hang on what?"

"Y-you love me?" She practically whispers the words before looking into my eyes with a mixture of confusion and glee. I get up and kneel above her, straddling her hips. I take her face in my hands and gently kiss her.

"How could I not?" I stare into her eyes awaiting her response Instead, she reaches into her pocket and grabs something.

"Um. I didn't really have anything planned but, uh, well. I made you this." She hands me a small box, a promise ring with the words I love you doll lies inside. "I'm not good with words but, uh, yeah.... I love you too, doll"

Daniela

"Hello, my love!" I hear Dani enter my chambers and call out to me in a sing-songy voice, before throwing something onto the bed "Are you excited for our date?"

"Y-yeah, I'm excited." Im lying, god I feel so shitty! My day was bad enough since the headmaid caught me out of uniform and practically forced me back into a skirt. Right now the last thing I want is for Dani to choose something overly feminine for me for our date today. I only really agreed to let her choose because I don't have anything other than commoner clothing. She comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist as she kisses my neck.

"My love, something is different about our date today. I chose your outfit again, but, I couldn't decide between these two! Which one do you like more?" She spins me around and grabs two outfits off of the bed, and I gasp. The first is a brown tux with a vest and the other is similar, except it is black with green specks of something shiny. The dress she's wearing is form fitting and gods she looks amazing in it "I figured since you are a man, you wouldn't want to wear a dress or anything, so I chose these! I like the brown on because it-"

"The black one. Please." I step towards her and press a kiss to her lips, "and thank you love, for everything. You look stunning by the way!!"

"Thank you my handsome pet." she giggles and hands me the tux before swarming away.

[gryficowa]

boycott!

Now that I have your attention:

[silentcrowsilentravens]

Hello and Happy New Year! I saw your requests open and I'm not sure if you just forgot to close it (because I saw your drafts post and it seemed like quite a lot,)

But if I'm just in time, may I request Bela, Cass, and Dani having an S/O (preferably fem but can be GN) who was just a regular person at first, but after getting the Cadou, they gain the power to turn into spiders (like the sisters but instead of flies, it's a bunch of black widows)?

I headcanon that the girls, as intimidating and dangerous as they are, are still comically afraid of spiders or anything that eats flies, so it'd be funny to see how they react.

I also share this headcanon.

Bela Dimitrescu, Cassandra Dimitrescu, and Daniela Dimitrescu reacting to a s/o that can turn into spiders after receiving the Cadou.

(Gender ambiguous)

Warnings: brief mention of gore.

Masterlists here!

Bela Dimitrescu

At first, it seems as though Bela doesn't really have much of a reaction at all. She raises her eyebrows a bit. That's about it.

Then you get closer to her.

And she sort of has the air of someone who got told to "act casual" but doesn't know what to do with themselves.

"Are you alright?"

"Of course!"

"It's okay if it freaks you out, Bels." You're not gonna lie, it scared you when you first realized what you can do.

As soon as you say that, it's like you open a floodgate. Bela starts talking and rambling and you can barely understand what she's saying because she's going so fast and she isn't even pausing to take a breath and—

She stops. You're sort of confused. You don't even think half of that rant was on topic, but she seems much better now.

Why don't you tell her about what things are like now that you've gotten your Cadou? She'd like to hear :))

Cassandra Dimitrescu

Cassandra quite noticeably jumps.

Her form becomes completely solid in an instant.

She then proceeds to let out quite a long string of expletives. You've never even heard some of those curse words before!

She tells you that this whole thing doesn't freak her out, but she's a terrible liar. She's leaning away from you as you try to reassure her. Like, you're kind of afraid she might keel over.

Once she does eventually get used to your new ability, Cassandra actually finds it pretty cool.

The two of you end up making quite the terrifying couple. How very sexy of you guys!

Normal spiders still freak her out, though. She will not hesitate to avoid a room for weeks if she sees a spider that isn't part of you.

Daniela Dimitrescu

Dani straight-up screams.

The scream is blood-curdling. Anyone else in the castle who heard it probably thought a maiden was getting murdered.

It is long. As in, she keeps it going the entire time she's swarming away from you.

You eventually find her hiding on top of a cabinet.

You have to try and coax her into coming down. You're still you! You just so happen to also be a hivemind of mutant black widows now.

"But what if you try to eat me?" It's a bit funny to hear coming out of the mouth of someone who frequently bites people hard enough to rip chunks of flesh out, you think.

"I'm not going to do that, Dani."

Listen, pal. You can think that, but you don't know for sure! Daniela and her family didn't have a thirst for blood until they got their Cadous.

...Or at least, she doesn't think so? She can't remember anything from before then.

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

🩵F/OVEMBER PROMO💜

Hello, and good day to you. It is a pleasure, as always. I have come to inform you all that I will be participating in answering your burning questions this F/O-vember. You may enter your questions or comments in the "ask box", and I, or mine and Tippy's boyfriend Beleza, shall answer them.

• No Not Safe For Work questions please. All 3 of us may enjoy partaking in "adult activities", but we do not want to make others feel uncomfortable

• Please do not spam questions.

• Please do not be rude

• Please speak from or link your selfshipping blog in asks sent our way if you wish to receive an ask from myself or Beleza

Thank you.

-Vanilla Ice 💜

*has an iced coffee he made all by himself, totally without making a mess in the kitchen* Oh my gosh, hi! So... Yeah, I'm the one and only Beleza, Beleza Muscadine, but you can call me Bel. And, yeah, I'm gonna be answering your questions and stuff too. If you want to talk to me or like ask and stuff, go right ahead! Also if you wanna chat or whatever we can totally do that- Vanilla is telling me to wrap it up so, okay bye 🩵✨

- Bel 🩵

This was the idea of @cherry-bomb-ships !! 🩵💙💜

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

To celebrate the holidays here are 2 well known carols in the native language

Espanyol

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Próspero año y felicidad!!!

Italian Christmas carol

1. Tu scendi dalle stelle o Re del Cielo

E vieni in una grotta al freddo al gelo

E vieni in una grotta al freddo al gelo.

O Bambino mio Divino

Io ti vedo qui a tremar,

O Dio Beato!

Ah, quanto ti costò l'avermi amato.

Ah, quanto ti costò l'avermi amato.

2. A te che sei del mondo, il Creatore,

Mancano panni e fuoco, o mio Signore.

Mancano panni e fuoco, o mio Signore.

Caro eletto pargoletto,

Quanto questa povertà

Più mi innamora,

Giacchè ti fece amor povero ancora.

Giacchè ti fece amor povero ancora.

3. Tu lasci il bel gioir del divin seno,

per giunger a penar su poco fieno,

per giunger a penar su poco fieno.

Dolce amore del mio core,

dove amore Ti trasportò?

O Gesù mio,

perché tanto patir? Per amor mio!

Perché tanto patir? Per amor mio!

4. Ma se fu Tuo volere il Tuo patire,

perché vuoi pianger poi, perché vagire?

Perché vuoi pianger poi, perché vagire?

Mio Ges��, T'intendo sì!

Ah, mio Signore!

Tu piangi non per duol, ma per amore.

Tu piangi non per duol, ma per amore.

5. Tu piangi per vederti da me ingrato

dove sì grande amor, sì poco amato!

O diletto del mio petto,

Se già un tempo fu così,

or Te sol bramo.

Caro non pianger più, ch'io T'amo e T'amo,

caro non pianger più, ch'io T'amo e T'amo.

6. Tu dormi, Ninno mio, ma intanto il core

non dorme, no, ma veglia a tutte l'ore.

Deh, mio bello e puro Agnello

a che pensi? Dimmi tu.

O amore immenso!

"Un dì morir per Te", rispondi, "io penso".

"Un dì morir per Te", rispondi, "io penso".

7. Dunque a morire per me, Tu pensi, o Dio:

e chi altro, fuor di Te, amar poss'io?

O Maria, speranza mia,

se poc'amo il Tuo Gesù,

non Ti sdegnare.

Amalo tu per me, s'io nol so amare!

Amalo tu per me, s'io nol so amare!

But if you don’t celebrate have a regular 25th!

Hello and ¡Feliz Navidad! (edit: I love that song btw 🥳)

I do celebrate christmas and as a matter of fact I just got back home (California) from Arizona to spend the holiday with some extended family. Now that I am back to my beloved computer I am hustling to answer all of the holiday asks before midnight so I can technically say I answered them on christmas lol.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season! 💙

[leggerefiore]

So there a hat called Square Cap Elefish in Scarlet/Violet that has a design based off eelektross. What if s/o saw it while on the internet and thought they should get one for Emmet-

perfect timing, anon. i was just pondering a scenario to write for em

debated buying it for inka but decided she's more of a beanie girl (it'd still fit her though)

cw: fluff

------

It had caught your eye as you were scrolling endlessly through your social media. A group of Paldean people just doing things and their pokemon out with them. It was not their foreign pokemon that caught your attention, however. (Though, you would admit, the samba peacock poses were something you were a bit envious of.) It was the hat on one of their heads. A square cap with a certain familiar pokemon's pattern on it. That certain familiar pokemon happened to be sprawled across your lap at the moment, too, in fact. Rubbing your hand affectionately on the slimy skin of the creature who gave an electric hum through his body, you immediately set out to find that cap.

It would be a perfect gift for Emmet.

~

You grinned as you saw sneaked into the station. A gift for him would be best given after all his battles for the day were finished, and he was whining about the actual managerial duties he had to do. Sitting on the office couch, you felt certain you had managed to avoid every Depot Agent save for the one in the office area, who you knew would comply with your plan. The cute box sat in your lap with carefully tied white ribbon on its lid.

Pleading with Emmet's Galvantula for some silk, she agreed and gave you some, which you quickly fashioned into a ribbon. You shuddered when something seemed to try to squirm its way into your sleeve. Moving your arm away to a point where you could peer at it, four blue eyes stared at you innocently. A stowaway. The Joltik was plucked away and placed on your shoulder. If there was one thing that was inescapable while living with Emmet, it was his Joltiks. They were literally everywhere.

Outside the door, you heard quick, paced strides heading your way. It was quiet, save for a polite greeting shared by them and the Depot Agent. It was either another agent or your boyfriend, as Ingo tended to hold people hostage in conversation for a moment. The door handled turned and a white-coated man entered with a certain Galvantula clinging to his waist. You barely held back a giggle.

“Hello, Emmet,” you said with as much monotony as you could manage. He actually jumped for a moment before turning over to you. His eyes relaxed, and his smile shifted from its momentary tenseness to its normal playfulness.

“Darling! Verrrry mean,” he teased you before walking over, “Hmm? What's that?” His attention lied on the present in your lap. You held it out to him, and he quickly acted to take it. It was held close to him as he worked to undo the ribbon. When he finally did that, he popped the lid off and looked inside. He hummed curiously at the sight before placing the box down. His white cap was taken from his head.

Placed on his head, now in its place was the Elefish cap. “Mmm, not very work appropriate,” he noted. You would agree that the more casual hat certainly did not mix with his business formal attire. It did suit his face, however. “I could wear it later. Yep! During our dates,” he nodded to himself. You smiled.

“Do you like it then?” you asked him with a tilt of your head. He nodded at you this time and grinned brightly. A specific aged pokeball on his belt was removed, and the creature inside was tossed out. Eeelektross floated just above the ground and looked around. Emmet's hand immediately went to pet his beloved starter.

“Heehee, we're matching again after all these years,” he giggled and pointed to his hat. The eel stared at him before wrapping its body around his leg. Galvantula hissed at the creature and scuttled away from Emmet. Ah. The girls were fighting. Eelektross's arms went around Emmet's torso. He smiled down at his beloved eel. “Aww! I don't think you have been this clingy in a while,” he cooed.

You had to admit he looked adorable with his starter that he had known for so many years cuddling him and the matching hat on his head.

Emmet's head looked up at you as grinned at you. “Thank you, honey,” his voice was soft as it usually was, “You made Eelmmet verrrry happy.”

“Oh, Emmy, it was no problem –” you were going to express your feelings when something hit you like a tonne of bricks, “E-Eelmmet?”

“His name is Eelmmet.”

“Emmet, sweetheart, baby, please be joking.”

[yanlei-a]

Two horrifically eyes peer over the Order's shrine, careful to be hidden behind brush and branch alike, his breath halted as he saw a candle light within one of the windows, his hand traveling downward to rest atop of the fawn which was walking with him. The creature offered a momentary bold of warmth within his palm as the harsh storm continued to pour over them both; how he craved to step from this hellish torment into the Shrine…to see him once more. What had pulled him away that day? What had whispered him back into the depth of woodland that cut him off from all those he had met? Ah…pehaps it was the fear of feeling too secure, too safe - too happy?, too many muddled feelings that he did not have the ability to sort through anymore.

A reflection of himself that he couldn't handle, even if he wanted to, a sinking ship that he could not look away from. O' how his fingers ached to press down into old bloody injuries and rip open his chest to offer his heart back to the Order of Shadows, that maybe it would be able to finally stitch his own wounds. He did not notice when rain water dripped into his eyes and finally slid to the back of his retina, he was too immersed in his thoughts, too busy thinking about how ridiculously stupid this was. He was the one who ran back into the woods, afraid and trembling, back into the abyss of solitude which allowed murmurs of dark gospel to invade his mind and remind him that he was not like them - no, he was not a human being anymore.

No matter how many times he healed people, laughed with them, felt content within their presence…he had lost the identity of one from the moment his breath cut off within that alleyway in Zaun. How could he ever hope to reconnect with them? As much as Bel, that blasted bird, urged him to go back - he knew it would lead to nothing ---

"Ah-"

The sudden lack of warmth under his palm caught his attention as prickles of doubt and horror sprouted within his chest, curling upwards along his ribs to grip at his heart until it felt ready to burst. The mage looked frantically for the fawn, the harsh rain making it near impossible for him to see until those broken eyes caught its blurred form walking through the open gate of the sanctuary. Verdant clothing fluttered through the forest's edge as he approached, unable to force himself to take that final step and reveal himself to all those he feared to see him once more. What would he say? But the bleating urged him forward and he kept himself hidden while slowly making his way towards the creature.

To your left, boy.

And there it was, that ruby gaze that he dreaded to see, and he prepared his ears for the voice he had both longed and feared to hear once more. How would he respond... How quickly would those walls around himself crumble and break apart at the sound of Zed's voice? At the call of home? For once he had no witty hello, no cordial tone...he could say nothing as he waited for the familiar shadow to move.

— @witchcraftandburialdirt

Loss, he had learned, did not get easier to handle regardless of how many times one felt its bitter taste. It needn't come to be through death, either, though he had faced it plenty as well. Grieving the absence of the living is a worse form of pain, a particular torment filled with doubt and possibilities made impossible; he is not one to dwell on what ifs, to linger in delicate agonies, but neither is he immune to them, or to missing the companionship he rarely found on another.

Robin had been one of the few; the rarest exception of all, perhaps, considering when they met. By the time war ravaged the land and he sacrificed the most genuine bond he ever had, Zed had not expected to find deep friendship again; connection was costly (painful) for one set on his path. There were those closer to him amidst his own order, surely enough, though it was not the same. To some degree he was always their master; to a greater extent, he was simply unwilling to allow any too close, well aware of the damage such vulnerability allowed.

And yet, how readily had he permitted it, against his best judgment, when it came to the mage.

The acolyte who first sighted the unexpected guest did not know who he was, merely warning the Master of Shadows of the trespasser approaching Thanjuul. Amidst a storm, concealing himself ought to have been seen as simpler, mayhap; but there is no hiding from the shadows in their master's territory, and he knew enough about his home to never allow his order to be caught unaware by potential interlopers. Zed needs only to step outside and lay eyes on the medic's silhouette to recognize it, as he would anywhere, regardless of the time since their last meeting.

Too emotional, he had heard ofttimes, and this once Zed can agree with the criticism, something soft and fragile and hurtful lodged in his chest and set alight by sight alone. How simple would it be to meet Robin with open arms, to welcome him back, to speak of how his company had been missed in long days and wintry nights; easy, though not the path he ought to take. The medic had made his choice to depart, despite the invitation to stay, and much had changed since then.

Who was to say they hadn't?

"Of all unexpected visitors," he starts, neutrality maintained as best as he can bring himself to (good enough, after years of practice in appearing as something other than he felt). "I would not have guessed you to be the one willingly entering the temple."

The question that lingers on the tip of his tongue is not spoken, not yet. Why leave?, he could have asked, a senseless decision he saw no reason for — not any that wouldn't raise the opposite question as to the present: Why return?. Scarlet meets the wide-eyed gaze of the other, intense as if seeking the answers behind the unblinking eyes.

"I trust you come as a friend, still," he adds after a pause, silence broken by the heavy rain around them. Sentimental until the very end, unfortunate though it may be. There are some fears one cannot run towards; yet this one, foolish though it may be, Zed cannot do anything but rush to meet.

[glittery-ishfish]

Hetalia Drama CD Vol.7: Let’s Talk About the G8 Members☆, Part Four

(tw: swearing, lots of it)

P1,

P2 (tw: Brief poor Ukraine characterization, swearing)

P3

P4 (Hello)

P5 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P6

P7 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P8

P9 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P10 (End)

[Start scene, footsteps entering the room]

Narrator-san: And thus, the G8 conference drew its curtains open without any guidance from Italy, the host country of the meeting.

Eng: So, today's agenda is about us. 

Jap: Thinking about the G8 members, right England-san? 

Ame: AAAAAGH! I WAS GONNA SAY THAT, JAPAN! 

Jap: R-Really?! I'm sorry, America-san. 

Ame: And on an unrelated note, when are ya gonna export that game about the two tied-up girls, and that manga with my president in it?

Jap: Uh…When I return, I will inform my boss and take care of it. 

Ame: Okay! I'll leave it to you! 

Eng: I’M THE ONE TALKING ABOUT THE AGENDA, SHUDDUP YOU GUYS!

Can *at the same time as England*: America is turning the G8 meeting into his...My house is--

Eng: Anyway, let’s start with my opinion. It's time for the G8 to get out of the rut it's in. Don’t you think it’s time we ‘shape up'?

Ame: WHADDYA MEAN ”SHAPE UP”!? YOU TELLING ME TO QUIT HAMBURGERS AND MILKSHAKES?! YOU CAN’T MEAN SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT!! IF I DO THAT I'LL DIE!!

Eng: I’Ｍ NOT DOING THAT!! I MEANT IN TERMS OF THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE! STA~RE…

[England glares directly at Russia with 'staring arrows']

Rus: Don't stare at me so~ much!

[Russia grabs the staring arrows and breaks them]

Eng:…Don't break people's sight lines without permission!

[Dark aura sounds, Belarus edition, take three]

Bel: You harassed big brother, you harassed big brother, my big brother…MY BIG BROTHER… 

Eng: Er-

Bel: Big brother-- the guy who harassed big brother…*hissing/gurgling*

Eng: R-Russia, stop your little sister.

Rus: Ufu! I'm afraid I can’t. Anyways, I think we're fine with just the eight of us, but what about you guys? How about you, Canada-kun?

Can: Eh? Um…I, uh, my opinion. I think that before this…

Kumajiro: Who’re you? 

Can: I'm Canada! Let's see…So, I think we should--

Bel: ATCHATCHAHATCHAO

[Poor Canada keeps talking in the background]

Fra: If you're talking about getting 'stuck in a rut', I wonder if a position will be given to someone new. Spain, for example, is my best bet right now.

Ame: No way, not him! Whenever he sees me, he tries to attack me with his knees!

Ger: Hm…Spain, huh? I agree with France's opinion.

Ame*upset*&Fra*pleasantly surprised*: Ehhh?! Germany!

Ger: HOWEVER, the G8 is still the G8 and only eight other countries will be considered. We will congratulate Spain for joining and thank you, for all you've done up until now…France.

[Cartoony shock sound]

Fra: EEEEEH??! MEEEE?! W-What the hell!? I thought we were getting to know each other a little better these days!

Is that a German joke or something? Huh?? You know what? I'll only drive a Peugeot if you keep talking like that, how does that sound~?

Ger: I'll give you an example of what you've done for us so far, France.

Fra: Don't go on at all if you don’t like meee!!

Ame: *AmericanLaugh.exe*

Fra: GODDAMMIT, STOP LAUGHING! *sniffle/whimper* You're making big brother cry...

Rus: Isn't this great? You love vacations, don't you, France-kun?

Fra: *annoyed* Well, you see, strikes are supposed to be for the betterment of the workplace, not to pile on whatever the hell you want!

Rus: *(probably) not paying attention* I see! I just love to take vacations, and I like to take vacations to museums, trains, palaces, and so~ on!

Fra: ENOUGH! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT! THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! BIG BROTHER’S NOT LISTENIIINNNGGG!!!

Rus: But those are all things I really like about you, France-kun.

Fra: THAT’S NOT REALLY ME YOU’RE TALKING ABOOOUUUUTTT!!!!

Can: Um…I heard...about this invention--

Ame: *AmericanLaugh.exe*

[America (I assume) runs off]

Eng:…It's definitely Russia who should leave.

Jap: Um, if you want, would you like to look at the history of each nation from the last 10 years?

Eng: Huh? Okay, let me see. 

[England flipping through pages]

Eng: Mm-hmm *page-flip*…

Jap: What do you think?

Eng: Hm, Well...*page-flip* In terms of statistics and current performance, Italy--

[Germany knocks documents out of England's hands]

 

Ger:…Please. Pretend you didn't see that.

Eng: Germany…

Jap: Germany-san!

[Sparkly sounds]

Eng: Understood! I guess it can't be helped!

Jap: It doesn’t hurt to be a little lenient, does it~?

[More sparkly sounds]

Ger: I'm sorry…I'm so very sorry…

[Sounds of France getting bullied]

(T/N: From what I could pick up, I believe that France may have said something along the lines of "Evil, evil! I'm surrounded by evil!")

Jap: So, Germany-san, since everything ended up unchanged, please do your usual thing.

Ger: O-Of course, *ahem*...YOU BASTARDS! 

[Germany slams hands onto the table]

Ger: LET’S GET THIS MEETING OVER WITH FIRST! You each have eight minutes left! AND NO SIDE CONVERSATIOONNSS!!!

[End scene]

[aizzzcube]

082023

I thought slow month ang August nung nag cocompile ako from my diary, only to realize it's indeed a busy month lol

T E A M B U I L D I N G

Camp Rofelio, Liwliwa Zambales, Team Building

Hello Reader,

As you can see, beach pix! yes! 2nd team building namin ito and this time, we pushed it sa beach. Yey!

Hmmm, sobrang hirap actually. Kita nyo naman ang hahagardo namin kasi nga night shifters kami and we're from office pa deretso byahe then activities sa ilalim ng mainit na araw hahaha

Imagine sakit ng ulo ko dyan and hindi lang ako. Halos majority. Init, walang tulog, gutom, byahe halo halo na.

I can't say na nag enjoy ako hindi din naman bored. Sakto lang. Mas nag enjoy ako sa unang team building kasi kami yung may control sa food. Dito kasi, cater. So yeah, portion by portion lang ang food and may time lang kelan. Parang mas feel kasi yung ihaw ihaw ganern! Saka ewan ko parang mas iba talaga vibe nung unang team bldg. May videoke kasi non pala hahahaha

Anyway, super thankful pala ako sa natitirang moments dyan kahit sandali lang, naibawi yung medyo sakto lang na vibe. Sa unang photo sa left, it is a happy memory. Thanks kuya Sam! Core memory talaga.

As you can see sa photo, captured ko yung paglalakad namin sa di namin alam saan. Basta ang goal: KUMAIN! FOODTRIP! Everyone is drunk na, Tequila + Whiskey combo ba naman e hahaha si Glen dyan naka pajamas na hahahaha naghahanap kami ng makakainan and nakarating kami sa "ESKINITA" huyyy ang saya ng kwentuhan nung night na yan. Saya lang, food trip, walk trip, pampasober ng mga kasama.

Okay din na kahit minsan nakakainis na nag cacapture ako ng mga moments, pero at least sa nagawa ko, may nababalikan kami. Hehe madalas wala ako sa vids/photos pero okay lang andon naman tawa ko. Hahahaha

Thank you universe sa pag guide samin sa trip na to. Sa uulitin!

E M E R A L D

Next na ganap, Mid-August.

Cutie patootie! Christening ng baby Emerald 💕

Actually, earlier nyan is family lunch then deretso na dyan sa celebration ni baby. (Wala me pic ni Zion kasi naman parang bulate yung batang yon hahaha) Si ate Roan lang and baby D.

Healthy life for these kids 🙏

B I N O N D O

Last but not the least! Highlight of the month.

Hi,

So ayan! Galing kaming Divi nyan kasi nag pprepare kami for our upcoming Palawan trip. So we went sa divi to buy clothes/bikinis.

Ending, nagutom at nagyayaan mag binondo. Solid netong "Estero" kung tawagin nila. Actually, hindi namin alam san kami kakain nung time na yan, nag iikot ikot lang kami. Then, along the way nakita namin tong area na pababa sya then sabe namin bakit ang daming taong kumakain, basta di sya kita from outside, bababain mo sya. Narrow yung hallway pero kita yung lanterns from outside plus yung bustling crowds.

Grabe, now we get it! Super sarap ng food dito! Must try! Grabe huhu lahat ng order namin masarap tapos affordable pa 🥲 Sana makabalik kami ulit dito to try others. Mabilis lang na kain kami kasi pauwi na rin at pagod.

Side note: yang LGA fast food pala nakita ko sa palabas na Can't Buy Me Love recently hahaha so narealize ko na sikat pala talaga sya 😅

Pagod na pagod ang August ko pala. Pero honestly yung nasa physical notes ko, ang sabe ko don SLOW MONTH. Hahahaha buti nag scroll ako sa phone and nakita tong mga to. Busy pala.

Thank you.

Bel

[todoroki-shouts]

Reading dunmeshi manga so i can collect all of marcilles hair styles

[tsuyu-chan-kun]

tina left the computer unattended so bel is taking over

welcome your new overlord it is me

[rukia-writes]

Hello rukia can u please do ror daddies when you grab their butt

I’ll have to do a part 2 because the list is so long.

🍑 Surprised 😯

🍑 Hercules is very surprised at first but once he sees that it’s just his s/o he’s calm and even a little happy about it.

🍑 While it is quite naughty grabbing Hercules ass; he likes it. Surprised and aroused would be a perfect definition. Likes Ares his face is red and he’s just surprised.

🍑 Hercules ass needs to be grabbed. 🏃🏼‍♀️ it’s amazing.

🍑 You have no power here.

🍑 Loki loves the attention from the first time to the 1427164817 time.

🍑 Loki does have one of the nicest ass here. NGL.

🍑 his reaction? As I’ve said he loves it. Doesn’t matter if it’s public or private. Well, Loki might prefer private only because he doesn’t want to have to slice an asshole because they called his beloved a perv.

🍑 Loki will get his s/o back too.

🍑 My beloved Ares ♥️ gives a little scream when his feels hands on his ass. Eyes are popped out and everything! Holds his ass the entire time while talking to his beloved.

🍑 Face is so red but he’s so 🥰 cute!

🍑 Ares is speechless. (Ares has a nice ass btw)

🍑 Ares likes it though, just please don’t do it in public ♥️ he’ll be so embarrassed because he’ll make a little scream noise while red in the face. (Hermes will never let that down)

🍑 listen, Poseidon secretly likes it. BUT! His s/o has to do it a certain do it. Preferably, when their making out.

🍑 Poseidon isn’t going to say “Do it again.” Etc., his reaction would be along the lines of, “You’re my beloved so I’ll let it slide. But don’t make a habit of it.”

🍑 Make a habit of it.

🍑 He says he doesn’t like it but the surprise and small, very small blush on his face says otherwise.

🍑 Don’t do it in public! Unless one wants Poseidon’s punishment later 😏 (Poseidon has a great ass btw)

🍑 “You’re playful today, aren’t you?”

🍑 Shiva believes in the physical touch, grabbing his ass gets him…fired up. 🔥

🍑 Shiva’s beloved better get ready for Shiva to return the favor. He has four hands 🙌🏻 and he’s not afraid to use it.

🍑 Yes, he loves it when his s/o grabs his ass 🎀

🍑 Shiva has a wonderful ass btw. ( 🍑)

🍑 Loves it. It’s phased by it.

🍑 Lu Bu gets that smile and will say either “Hey, (Name).” Or “Try and do it again.”

🍑 Grab, squeeze, slap it doesn’t matter Lu Bu. Even in public. (No one is going to tell him s/o shouldn’t do it, Lu Bu will have a word with them.)

🍑 Lu Bu is going to do it back too.

🍑 “Good morning/afternoon, (Name).”

🍑 Not phased at all

🍑 Hades knows when his beloved is getting to slap/grab his sweet ass and he doesn’t care…(secretly likes it)

🍑 the very first time though he’s a little surprised but it’s welcome it’s affection after all. As I said before, whatever his s/o does to him Hades does it right back. 🎀 and he has those hands omg. 😏

🍑 Hades has a nice ass. Can bounce a coin off that thing

🍑 I want to be a bird in the tree to see his reaction.

🍑 He’s surprised, and you had better be his s/o or else 😅. But overall he’s just surprised but it hits him so late like: his precious just has a handful of the Norse god’s ass and he’s just….”…..What are you doing?”

🍑 “Showing affection.”

🍑 Thor will respond with “This is how you show affection?” And from that point Thor will grab his s/o ass too. (You’ve told him this how you show affection and while Thor has put fighting above all else he believes them. Precious really.)

🍑 If he’s doing an equation on his chalkboard while his s/o grabs his ass…he messes up his equation 😭. Like, there’s just a long line thru his numerous equations.

🍑 He is surprised at first! But once his s/o replies with its for science 🧬 Tesla is aroused. (You’ve pushed the science button.) his beloved better tell Tesla what they come up with. ♥️

🍑 “So, in conclusion I’ve come up with the answer that, you have the sweetest ass in Valhalla.”

🍑 While Tesla is very pleased to know the results of his beloved’s….research…Valhalla isn’t enough and Tesla will ask his precious to research Midgard and Helheim too. Science is a ever evolving process.

🍑 Also! Tesla has his own equation for his ass too. Both come to the conclusion they have the nicest ass in all three realms.

🎀Rukia-Writes🎀

[padawanmax]

Hello have a reminder about these birth years that I find hilarious and feel are often forgotten despite having great humor potential in fics:

62 BBY Cad Bane

58 BBY Garen Muln, Luminara Unduli

57 BBY Obi-wan Kenobi, Quinlan Vos, Bruck Chun, Reeft

56 BBY Siri Tachi, Bant Eerin

55 BBY Darth Maul

53 BBY Bossk, Aurra Sing

52 BBY Owen Lars, Jar Jar Binks, Garm Bel Iblis

51 BBY Gilad Pellaeon, Zena Antilles

50 BBY Sola Nabberie

49 BBY Pter Thanas

48 BBY Aayla Secura, Mon Mothma, Maxmillian Veers

47 BBY Beru Whitesun, Carlist Rieekan

46 BBY Padmé Amidala, Airen Cracken

44 BBY Greedo, Ferus Olin, Gial Ackbar

42 BBY Tru Veld

41 BBY Anakin Skywalker, Darra Thel-Tanis, Kitster Bonai

40 BBY Barriss Offee, Sheltay Retrac

36 BBY Ahsoka Tano

35 BBY Thracken Sal-Solo

34 BBY Sintas Vel

33 BBY R2-D2

32 BBY Rotta, Boba Fett, first battalion clone troopers

31 BBY Lando Calrissian, Crix Madine, Borsk Fey'lya, Syal Antilles

30 BBY Ysanne Isaard

29 BBY Han Solo

28 BBY Bria Tharen, Soontir Fel, Ryoo Naberrie

27 BBY Firmus Piett

26 BBY Pooja Naberrie

24 BBY Biggs Darklighter

23 BBY Kyle Katarn

21 BBY Lumiya, Wedge Antilles, Tycho Celchu

19 BBY Winter Retrac, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Juno Eclipse, Mirax Terrik, Korto Vos, Rivoche Tarkin, Galen Marek, Gaeriel Captison

18 BBY Corran Horn, Iella Wessiri

17 BBY Mara Jade, Isolder

15 BBY Akanah Norand Goss Pell, Ailyn Vel

14 BBY Tendra Risant

12 BBY Teneniel Djo

11 BBY Zakarisz Ghent, Dev Sibwarra

10 BBY Gavin Darklighter

8 BBY Wicket

7 BBY Kyp Durron, Ken

1 BBY Lumpawaroo

Honorable mention w/o exact birth year:

64-59 BBY Wilhuff Tarkin

Sometime notably prior to 19 BBY: Garoche Tarkin

In the early days of the Rebellion: Lieda Mothma

Around 19 BBY (give or take half a decade): Zevulon Veers, Jobin Mothma, Neena

Around 24 BBY: Nial Organa

Before 31 BBY: Talon Karrde

This is not a comprehensive list and you can totally go to wookieepedia to find other characters' birth years, these are just ones I feel get missed out on a lot of humor potential from 62-1 BBY.

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

The story of life and death part 1

_______________this story begin when blood the vessel of the holy god and his little brother Surprise jr the vessel of the satanic lord satan________________________

Blood: *summons sadira the goddess of life*

Sadire: your holiness

Blood: im not holy slut why do u guys keep saying that huh? Im not holy

*two guards appeared by blood*

Blood: touch me i will end u both im good *calms down* but i need u do some research on this pony my brother hired as the new death since the old one is starting to retire

Sadira: why is he retiring?

Blood: because he's dating my daughter glass the time lord

Sadira: that's ur daughter? She has guts blood

Blood: my whole family is risky like me but thanks bel!!!!

Yeona: hello sir

Sadira: u!?

Yeona: oh shit

Belinda: *takes control* sorry dad i was training with uncle surprise

Blood: oh really how is my brother?

Belinda: good he's training the new death she sucks but i see something special *looks at Sadira* hey bitch keep staring at me I'll give u something to stare at

Sadira: *eyes blood*

Blood: *sighs*

Ark angel: ur holiness u ok?

Blood: just *teleports away*

Ark angel: huh?

Belinda: dad?

Sadira: wat just happened?

Blood: *appears back home collapsing from work*

Galaxia: blood r u ok *helps up blood walking him to their room* u can't keep doing this babe like seriously get a back bone and tell god u need a day off

God: *takes control walking* sorry miss pie no can do

Galaxia: huh?! I did hear that try again

God: *gulps remember the last time* ok uhm then i will agree blood will have 1

Galaxia: 10 *stares at god get really pissed*

God: *gulps shaking* 10 days off whenever he wants and at any time he wants too

Galaxia: sign now

God: *cuts himself signing in in his blood* their

Galaxia: prefect thank u now my husband now!!!!

Blood: *collapses* ugh where am i?

Galaxia: ur home babe

Blood: oh....here summon Sadira and give her information she'll need it *falls asleep*

Galaxia: hmm? *summons Sadira*

Sadira: oh miss pie something worng

Galaxia: huh no my husband just wanted to me to give you ur information u needed today

Sadira: oh thank u miss pie *teleports away*

Surprise jr: ok Ambrosine the reason i didn't kill u is because i need a new death and im gonna train u

Ambrosine: oh dear.....my lord? Uhm wat about my sins that I've done? Should i be punished for them?

Surprise jr: Ambrosine the only reason i didn't kill is my business be greatful

Ambrosine: i am greatful i swear my lord

Surprise jr: ok now ur my new death

Ambrosine: my lord i have a question?

Surprise jr: wat??

Ambrosine: who's that coming this way

Surprise jr: that's the goddess of life she was probably sent by my brother here's ur task don't fail me cunt or you will regret it *disappears*

Ambrosine: *sticks tongue out* dick..... *turns around bumping into Sadira accidentally kissing her blushing blood red getting a nose bleed*

Sadira: mmmm ur a good kisser i must say

Ambrosine: *stays red* ur a lesbian i guest

Sadira: maybe but u looks skinny to even be a death?

Ambrosine: im a death in training......

Sadira: hmm well i must say miss death ur good lookin almost sweep me off my hooves *kisses Ambrosine again*

Ambrosine: ge-et o-off me i mmm *blushes deep red* stop plz have mercy.....

Sadira: awwww come on I'm only fucking with u *gets off Ambrosine*

Ambrosine: *still red* watever wh-hy did u kiss me?

Sadira: because i am the goddess of life

Ambrosine: yeah yeah yeah i heard about u

Sadira: oh? but i know nothing about u

Ambrosine: hmm i don't think u never will know anything about me

Sadira: i beg to differ

_______________________________________the be continued_______

[historic-old-guard-lover]

Historically Booker’s native language would be Occitan and not French . He would also probably deeply resent standard / Parisian French since the government did their damnest to erase regional languages and still do it today .

Agreed! There was another post about this, but since I got an ask (I love you, anon) I’ll elaborate. Buckle up for a primer on the evolution of the French language with a brief aside for troubadours, traveling musician-poets you wish were still a career option. No, being a rock star is not quite the same.

In the early medieval period (as early as ~900CE), the country we now call France had a language divide between the northern and southern regions. In the north, they spoke langues d'oïl which is what eventually became modern standard French. In the south, they spoke Occitan or lenga d'òc and a modern form of this language is known as Provençal. Looking at the regional sub-dialects, the more northern Occitan begins to sound like a langue d’oil and the more southern dialects begin to sound like Spanish.

As I touched upon in a previous post, this is because they all share similar roots as a romance language. Even though modern standard French is a langue d’oil, occitan managed to sneak a few things into the language. If you’ve learned French as a second language, you’ll know that when you respond yes (oui) to a negative question (you don’t like cheese? / tu n’aimes pas le fromage?) that you use a different yes (si). This is a skeleton of Occitan! 

The why of the invention of “standard French” is, as most “standard” things are, a detour into nationalism. In 1635, Cardinal Richelieu (under Louis XIII) founded the Académie Française (French Academy) which was tasked with standardizing the French language so that it could be exported to the rest of Europe and used to gain further prestige of the role of French philosophers during the Enlightenment. During the French Revolution, it was disregarded, but Napoleon Bonaparte restored it as part of the Institut de France (Institute of France) in 1803. To this day, the Académie is tasked with publishing the French dictionary and inventing new words for things such as “e-mails” so that the French needn’t stoop to using English loan-words.

Another part of this was the Toubon Law (August 1994) which required French (the standard French from the Académie) to be used in all official documents and advertising. It required all advertising to use French and even set a certain percentage of music on the radio that must be French. This law was literally the government going “let’s make the French french again.” If a school doesn’t instruct in French (modern, standard French of course), then they can’t receive government funds. The only exception is Breton-language schools (Breton is as north as it gets and is a langue d’oil so it still helps crush Occitan).

Since the previous paragraph probably made you mad as heck, let me give you some irony to laugh at: some French people refer to this as the loi Allgood (“law” Allgood). To explain this joke, it helps to know that Toubon is the last name of the Minister of Culture at the time the law was passed. If you break down his last name, it sounds like “tout bon” in French which translates to “all good.” People took this law saying make everything French, goddammit and replied, sure thing Minister All-Good. I love it.

Now, for the troubadours! I learned standard modern French in high school, but at university I came across Occitan because of those romantic poets. I’ll put this aside below the break so you can continue on with your day if for some reason you’re not interested in medieval French rock star-poets...

Let me begin by quoting the Wikipedia definition:

A troubadour was a composer and performer of Old Occitan lyric poetry during the High Middle Ages (1100–1350). Since the word troubadour is etymologically masculine, a female troubadour is usually called a trobairitz.

Right away you may notice a few things: 1) they wrote and sang in Occitan; 2) it was an equal-opportunity field (though it was rare for a woman to be one). The first Troubadours were mostly noblemen, but later ones could come from any social class. Yes, you read that correctly: egalitarian travelling poets! If that doesn’t sell you on these performers, I don’t know what will. The troubadours spread their tradition throughout Europe and the only thing that could stop them was the Black Plague.

As you’d expect, they mostly sang about love. A lot of their poems were about courtly love and chivalry, but they could also get bawdy. The especially good performers would be sought after by courts like famous painters. Troubadours are essentially the apex bards: romantic, witty, charming, talented, and able to make serious bank.

To finish this, I will leave you with one of the bawdiest troubadour poems I know of, Farai un vers, pos mi somelh (The Ladies with the Cat) by Guillem de Peiteus. It’s essentially the story of a dude who has sex with these women who pick up a knight on a pilgrimage (though it plays with reality and this guy’s fantasies). I’ll include it in the original Occitan, and then a translation by Robert Kehew (I believe), verse-by-verse. Forgive me for my commentary in between, but I just want you to understand how freaking clever this poem is!

Farei un vers, pos mi somelh Em vauc e m’estauc al solelh. Domnas i a de mal conselh,    E sai dir cals: Cellas c’amor de cavalier    Tornon a mals.

While sound asleep I’ll walk along In sunshine, making up my song. Some ladies get the rules all wrong;    I’ll tell you who: The ones that turn a knight’s love down    And scorn it, too.

The singer is establishing himself as a troubadour. The protagonist is dreaming, so we should be careful about what is real and imagined. He’s also invoking the trope of the philandering knight constantly falling in love and breaking his heart.

Domna fai gran pechat mortal Qe no ama cavalier leal; Mas si es monge o clergal,    Non a raizo: Per dreg la deuri’hom cremar    Ab un tezo.

Grave mortal sins such ladies make Who won’t make love for a knight’s sake; And they’re far worse, the ones who’ll take    A monk or priest-- They ought to get burned at the stake    At the very least.

The Middle Ages were not at all chaste; yes, monks and priests were having sex. This isn’t as sexist as it may come across on a first reading however. He’s not saying women shouldn’t have sex (he’s actually saying that it’s a sin not to being having sex), he’s just upset that women who are clearly willing to have sex are turning *him* down. He’s not going to get any awards for feminist of the year, but he’s not the worst. I’m sure this would rouse cheers from a tavern.

En Alvernhe, part Lemozi, M’en aniey totz sols a tapi: Trobei la moller d’en Guari    E d’en Bernart; Saluderon mi simplamentz    Per sant Launart.

Down in Auvergne, past Limousin, Out wandering on the sly I ran Into the wives of Sir Guarin    And Sir Bernard; They spoke a poper welcome then    By St. Leonard.

These are recognizable locations along a pilgrimage route. There’s a good chance that these names are replaceable (Bernard can be replaced with any last name that rhymes with a saint) and this song could be used to goad the audience. And no, he hasn’t had sex with these ladies yet. They’re just saying hello (for now).

La unam diz en son latin: “E Dieus vos salf, don pelerin; Mout mi semblatz de bel aizin,    Mon escient; Mas trop vezem anar pel mon    De folla gent.”

One said in her dialect, “Sir Pilgrim, may the Lord protect Men so sweet-manned, so correct,    With such fine ways; This whole world’s full of lunatics    And rogues, these days.”

I think most would agree that this is happening in the knight’s sex-dream because she’s just sweet talking him. The awesome part is that the “dialect” reflects the singer actually adopting a Northern French language (they’re mutually intelligible). Guillem didn’t have to go that hardcore, but he did.

Ar auzires qu’ai respondut; Anc no li diz bat ni but, Ni fer ni fust no ai mentaugut,    Mas sol aitan: “Barbariol, babariol,    Babarian.”

For my reply--I’ll swear to you I didn’t tell them Bah or Boo, I answered nothing false of true;    I just said, then, “Babario, babariew,    Babarian.”

This guy just mocks their accents as a reply. Wildin’.

So diz n’Agnes a n’Ermessen: “Trobat avem que anam queren. Sor, per amor Deu, l’alberguem,    Qe ben es mutz, E ja per lui nostre conselh    Non er saubutz.”

So Agnes said to Ermaline, “Let’s take him home, quick; don’t waste time. He’s just the thing we’d hoped to find:    Mute as a stone. No matter what we’ve got in mind,    It won’t get known.”

In this stanza we see two repeats and a new thing. First, the names are easy to replace (Agnes doesn’t even have to rhyme with anything) so that this can be done to call out a specific woman’s name. Second, the language skills are being flaunted again as this Occitan-speaker is just casually showcasing that he can sing about sex in other languages too, thankyouverymuch. Lastly, this is WOMEN voicing their desire, not men. The man is silent, they think he’s incapable of speech. This is two women in a poem/song getting to steer the story how they please. Stepping back, this is a guy’s sex-dream so you could argue he’s just got a kink for dominant women, but regardless that’s a pretty cool way to turn masculinity on its head.

La unam pres sotz son mantel Menet m’en sa cambra, al fornel. Sapchatz qu’a mi fo bon a bel,    El focs fo bos, Et eu calfei me volentiers    Als gros carbos.

Under her cloak, one let me hide; We slipped up to her room’s fireside. By now I thought one could abide    To play this role-- Right willingly I warmed myself    At their live coals.

Yes, this dude is saying he’s more than happy to let the women take charge. Don’t kink-shame him.

A manjar mi deron capos, E sapchatz agui mais de dos, E noi ac cog ni cogastros,    Mas sol nos tres, El pans fo blancs el vins fo bos    El pebr’ espes.

They served fat capons for our fare-- I didn’t stop at just one pair; We had no cook or cook’s boy there,    But just us three. The bread was white, the pepper hot,    The wine flowed free.

A capon is a castrated rooster, fattened for eating. He’s being fattened (and emasculated by letting them take control) before the women get down to their  fun with him.

“Sor, aquest hom es enginhos, E laissa lo parlar per nos: Nos aportem nostre gat ros    De mantenent, Qel fara parlar az estros,    Si de renz ment.”

N’Agnes anet per l’enujos, E fo granz et ac loncz guinhos: E eu, can lo vi entre nos,    Aig n’espavent, Q’a pauc non perdei la valor    E l’ardiment.

“Wait, sister, this could be a fake; He might play dumb just for our sake. See if our big red cat’s awake    And fetch him, quick. Right here’s one silence we should break    If it’s a trick.”

So Agnes brought that wicked beast, Mustachioed, huge, and full of yeast; To see him sitting at our feast--    Seemed less than good; I very nearly lost my nerve    And hardihood.

So yes, he’s joking about almost loosing his boner and there’s that language play again. The big part of the ending, however, is the imagery of the red cat. Cats are typically associated with women, and the color red tempts the mind into thinking of it as female passion or some kind of prowling sexuality (with undertones of evil). The subtext here is that they’re going to test him by letting this cat scratch him up to see if he’ll cry out. If he can keep his mouth shut and allow the womens’ passions, he can stay. If he can’t, he’s out. Ultimately, I’m going to say that this poem is subtly for women’s empowerment. Go scratch up your knights, ladies.