#hell. if we’re friends you can dm me and i have a few i can personally think of that need help

[dykesbat]

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[rootedinrevisions]

Up in the Air

SUMMARY: When WWE superstars find themselves with a rare day off, Rhea Ripley seizes the opportunity to play matchmaker at a local festival. As she drags her friends to food trucks, rides, and games, the sparks between you and Damian Priest begin to fly. With Rhea’s clever nudges and a series of comical misadventures, you and Damian are thrust into close quarters—sharing food, laughter, and unexpected moments of connection. But when a hot air balloon ride leaves you suspended high above the fairground, the thrill of the day turns into something deeper. THANK YOU TO MY BESTIE @caramara3 FOR GIVING ME THE IDEA FOR THIS ONE!

WARNINGS: None

WORD COUNT: 4.3k

TAG LIST: @caramara3 @miss-kuki-nz @terrortwinunicorn

If you would like to be added to my WWE Tag List (or be tagged for a particular wrestler) please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added!

The morning air buzzed with excitement as you, Rhea, and a few others milled around the hotel lobby, waiting to head out to the fairgrounds. It was rare to have a day off with no press, no match prep, and nothing but time to unwind and let loose. Rhea, as usual, had taken the reins, organizing a day packed with all the festival essentials: food trucks, rides, and even a hot air balloon finale.

As everyone piled into Rhea’s rental, she threw you a sly look over her shoulder. "Looks like we’re full up here,” she said, barely suppressing a smirk. “But, no worries! Damian’s driving separately. You can just hop in with him.”

A flutter of nerves hit you at the mention of Damian’s name. Sure, you were best friends, but there was that one night months back when you’d told Rhea—after one too many drinks—that Damian was, in your exact words, hot as hell and that, if given the chance, you’d “climb him like a tree.” You’d woken up the next morning in horror, hoping she’d forget the confession altogether. But the glint in her eye now told you she remembered every word, and by the look of things, she had her own plans today.

You swallowed hard, doing your best to keep your face casual. Just a car ride with a friend, you told yourself, ignoring the way your heart picked up pace. You looked around for him, half-hoping you could buy yourself some time, but there he was, rounding the corner, car keys in hand and that easy smile on his face.

“Ready to go?” Damian asked, flashing you a grin. 

You tried to keep your cool, but when his gaze lingered a second too long, it was hard to tell if it was just the morning sun or if there was something warmer in his eyes.

“Yep! Let’s go,” you replied, hoping your voice sounded steadier than you felt. 

You tossed Rhea a glare over your shoulder, but she just winked, making it painfully clear she knew exactly what she was doing.

As you followed Damian to his car, you couldn’t shake the little knot of nerves twisting in your stomach. God, please don’t let her have said anything to him, you thought, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that this was still Damian—your best friend. That was all… right?

The drive started off smooth, and with each mile that passed, your initial nerves began to melt away. Damian’s presence always had a calming effect on you, and today was no different.

“Can you believe Rhea?” Damian said, shooting you a grin as he turned onto the main road. “She gets one day off and somehow finds a way to make it as intense as a match night. Gotta respect her energy, though.”

You laughed, settling back in your seat. “She thrives on chaos, I swear. It’s impressive, honestly. I’m just hoping we get a chance to sit down and actually enjoy some food. I’m pretty sure she’s got us lined up to hit every ride in the place.”

Damian chuckled, his deep, warm laugh filling the car. “Oh, no doubt. I wouldn’t put it past her to try and cram us into one of those kiddie rides just to see us squirm.”

You snorted at the mental image of Damian—towering, muscular, and absolutely not designed to fit in a kiddie ride—squeezed next to Rhea, her devilish grin intact as she laughed at his discomfort.

"Honestly, though," Damian continued, glancing over at you with a small smirk, "I’m surprised you’re up for a fair day with all the people. I thought you’d want a chill day off.”

“True,” you admitted, meeting his eyes briefly before looking back out the window. “But the food trucks and rides kind of makeup for it. Plus, it’s… it’s good to spend time with everyone.”

“Yeah. You’re right,” he said quietly, his tone softer than before. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, thinking. “And I guess if Rhea’s got us all there, it means she can’t get on my case for skipping something. Plus, there’s good food—and we’ll get to see Rhea’s attempt at ‘relaxing,’” he added with a teasing grin.

The drive continued like that, a comfortable back-and-forth of friendly jabs and easy conversation. A thought drifted through your mind as you watched Damian laugh and loosen up, more animated than usual. For all Rhea’s scheming, you had to admit she’d managed to put you both in a rare moment of peace, just the two of you, sharing a small slice of normalcy.

“Maybe she’s onto something with this,” you mused aloud, almost to yourself.

“Hmm?” Damian glanced over.

“Oh, nothing,” you said quickly, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. “Just—grateful for a chance to relax, I guess.”

He seemed to consider this, a glimmer of something unreadable in his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah. Same here.” And then, with a light laugh that softened the moment, he added, “Even if it means Rhea’s running the show.”

As the car rolled to a stop in the fairgrounds parking lot, you felt a flicker of excitement building. The buzz of the festival was already in the air—music drifting over the hum of people, bright colors, and the smell of fair food. Damian parked and flashed you a grin, opening his door as you gathered your bag and stepped out, feeling his presence close by as the two of you made your way toward the entrance.

The crowd thickened as you neared the gates, a mix of families, groups of friends, and couples swirling together. You were doing your best to dodge elbows and strollers, but one particularly enthusiastic kid darted right in front of you, nearly taking out your knees. Damian reacted instantly, his hand slipping around your waist to steady you.

“Whoa,” he murmured, steadying you with a warm, firm grip. “Didn’t think we’d need wrestling moves to get through the entrance.”

You looked up, finding him a little closer than you expected. The feel of his hand on your waist sent a flutter through your stomach, and for a moment, you both stood there in silence, caught off guard by the closeness. His hand lingered just a second longer before he cleared his throat, his gaze darting to the side as he let go and stepped back slightly.

“You good?” he asked, a slight flush creeping up his cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah—I’m good,” you replied quickly, suddenly aware of how warm your face felt. “Just, uh… hazards of fairgrounds, I guess.”

As you shifted, you caught sight of Rhea just a few paces ahead. She stood there, arms crossed, watching the two of you with a perfectly arched eyebrow and a smirk that spoke volumes. 

When you and Damian locked eyes with her, she only shrugged, biting back a grin as she turned and continued walking, pretending she hadn’t seen a thing.

Damian’s gaze flicked back to you, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. “So… ready for this?”

You laughed, feeling the tension ease a bit. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With that, the two of you fell into step, each hyper-aware of the other’s presence as you followed Rhea and the others into the heart of the fair. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted, and the look Damian had given you—just for a second—lingered in your mind longer than it should have.

As the group meandered through the fairgrounds, someone mentioned food, sparking an immediate chorus of agreement. Together, you all veered toward the food truck section, where delicious smells and sizzling sounds drifted through the air, setting your stomach rumbling.

“Alright,” Rhea declared with an almost mischievous grin, “time to do some serious food sampling. And I don’t want to hear anyone say they’re ‘not that hungry.’ This is a fair—appetites mandatory.”

The group dispersed, each person weaving between the trucks, picking up a mix of fried treats, skewers, tacos, and a few questionable “festival specials.”

After a few minutes, you and Damian met back up with Rhea, arms filled with an assortment of snacks. You eyed the collection with a laugh, impressed by the sheer variety.

“Think we got enough?” you asked, shooting a playful look at Damian.

“Maybe,” he replied, holding up a foot-long corn dog with a smirk. “But hey, Rhea said we’re sharing everything.”

As the group gathered around a picnic table, everyone started digging in, passing around baskets of food. It didn’t take long before Rhea nudged you and Damian with a sly grin. 

“Hey, you two—try this.” She handed you both a basket of churros dusted with cinnamon sugar. “Don’t be shy, share it.”

You exchanged a glance with Damian, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks as you broke off a piece and handed it to him. As he took it, his fingers brushed against yours, sending a small, unexpected jolt up your arm.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice softer, eyes catching yours for a moment too long before he cleared his throat, focusing intently on the churro like it held the secrets of the universe.

You both went back to sampling, but Rhea wasn’t done. She grinned wickedly, holding up a cup of chili fries. “Alright, Damian, you gotta feed her one of these. Fair food tradition.”

“Oh, is it?” Damian asked, eyebrows raising, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Definitely,” Rhea replied, not backing down. “You gotta play along.”

Damian shook his head with a chuckle, lifting a fry and holding it up to you, his eyes daring you to play along too. With a laugh, you leaned in, letting him feed you the fry while the group laughed and cheered.

As you settled back into sampling the food with everyone else, you couldn’t help but notice how easily Damian’s laughter blended with yours, each unplanned touch and shared smile making you wonder if maybe, just maybe, Rhea’s matchmaking antics were onto something.

Later in the day, Rhea’s gaze zeroed in on an old-fashioned photo booth nestled between a cotton candy stand and a ring-toss game. Her eyes lit up mischievously, and she nudged you and Damian forward.

“Oh, you two have to do the photo booth,” she said, already steering you both toward it. “It’s basically a requirement at fairs.”

You laughed, glancing at Damian. “Do we have a choice?”

Damian grinned, shrugging. “Not really, apparently.”

The two of you squeezed into the booth, realizing just how cramped it actually was. The narrow bench barely had space for one person, let alone two. You tried hovering beside him, half-seated with one leg awkwardly propped against the side, but it was obvious you still weren’t fitting in the frame.

Damian glanced up at you, a smile tugging at his lips. “This isn’t going to work. Here, just—” He reached up and, with a gentle hand on your waist, guided you down until you were perched right on his thigh.

You felt your cheeks heat up at the unexpected closeness, his hands settling around your waist for balance. 

“There we go,” he said, giving a soft laugh as he adjusted to fit both of you in the frame. “Comfortable?”

You nodded, trying to ignore the warmth spreading across your cheeks as the machine counted down to snap the first photo. The screen flashed, and you both instinctively leaned closer, your laughter filling the small space as the camera clicked.

By the time the last shot snapped, you’d both lost any semblance of forced posing, your heads pressed close together, and Damian’s arm wrapped loosely around your waist to keep you steady. When the flash went off for the final picture, he glanced at you with an amused, almost softer expression.

The booth spit out the photo strip, and you both leaned over to look. The first picture captured your awkward attempt to fit, both of you laughing as you tried to squeeze into the frame. But the last one…there was something different. You were both relaxed, his hand resting on your side, your shoulders leaning into him, and both of you grinning like idiots.

Rhea, waiting outside the booth, snatched the photo strip out of Damian’s hands as soon as you stepped out, her eyes dancing as she scanned the shots. 

“Well, well,” she teased, “I’d say you two look pretty comfortable in there.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile on your face as Damian gave Rhea a playful nudge.

“Alright, alright,” he muttered, laughing. But he caught your gaze for a brief second, and you felt a shared, silent acknowledgment of the moment that had passed between you.

Next Rhea led the group to the Fun House, Rhea’s face lit up with a look that could only mean she had something up her sleeve.

“Alright, here’s the deal—this’ll be way more fun in pairs,” she announced, throwing a wink in your direction. Before you could even react, she nudged you closer to Damian. “Go on, you two. We’ll meet up on the other side!”

Before either of you could protest, the rest of the group had split off into pairs and slipped into the house, leaving you and Damian standing alone by the entrance.

“Guess it’s you and me,” Damian said with a shrug, though the hint of a smile tugged at his lips as he held the door open for you.

Inside, the Fun House was filled with dizzying mirrors, neon lights, and winding hallways that made every step feel like you were walking through a maze. Almost immediately, you and Damian lost sight of the others, the confusing turns and flashing lights making it easy for the two of you to drift deeper into the attraction.

“This place is like a maze,” Damian said, his voice echoing as you both walked down a narrow hallway lined with funhouse mirrors. “Good luck if they’re expecting us out of here anytime soon.”

You laughed, but before you could respond, a loud bang sounded from the wall beside you, and a mechanical figure sprang out, making you yelp and instinctively reach for Damian’s arm.

Damian chuckled, steadying you as he threw an arm around your shoulders. “Hey, don’t worry,” he teased. “I’ll protect you from all the creepy mannequins in here.”

“I appreciate it,” you said, trying to calm your racing heart but smiling despite yourself.

You continued through the winding halls, your laughter echoing off the walls as more jump scares and sudden noises popped up at every corner. The deeper you went, the darker and narrower the passageways became, and with each unexpected scare, you found yourself clinging to Damian’s arm a little longer, the mix of fear and excitement making it hard to let go.

Finally, as you turned another corner, a new scare jumped out—a skeleton puppet lunging from the side with a loud, exaggerated scream. You gasped, grabbing onto Damian and pulling yourself close to him, burying your face in his shoulder. His arm slipped around your waist instinctively, pulling you flush against him.

When you looked up, you found yourself staring into his dark eyes, the closeness and dim light blurring the rest of the world around you. Damian’s hand lingered on your waist, his gaze holding yours a beat longer than necessary. The energy between you felt electric, the laughter and adrenaline still fresh.

For a moment, you both seemed to realize at the same time how close you were, and you pulled back slightly, both of you chuckling as you tried to shake off the moment.

“This is the last time I let Rhea take us to a Fun House,” Damian joked, though his voice was softer, his gaze lingering just a moment more before he looked away.

But you couldn’t ignore the way his arm stayed wrapped around you as you both made your way out of the Fun House, the thrill of the jump scares leaving behind something deeper, a hint of a connection that you’d both felt—and maybe weren’t quite ready to let go of yet.

As soon as you stepped into the ride section of the fair, Rhea was already beaming with that mischievous look that had been her theme for the day. The bright, colorful rides spun and whirled around you, laughter and screams filling the air.

“Alright, who’s up for some classic carnival rides?” Rhea said, eyes twinkling as she glanced between you and Damian. Before you could even decide for yourself, she had her answer ready. “Oh, and you two, obviously, should ride together. You know, for moral support,” she added with a smirk.

Damian raised an eyebrow but shrugged good-naturedly. “Lead the way,” he said, gesturing to the first ride in line, which happened to be the Ferris wheel.

You both climbed into the cramped gondola, the small seat forcing you to squeeze close together. The wheel jolted to life, and as you were lifted into the air, the view over the fairgrounds spread out below. The sounds and colors felt a little more distant and surreal up there, the world condensed into a pocket of stillness where it was just you and Damian.

“Not exactly made for tall people, huh?” you teased, glancing at him as he shifted uncomfortably in the tight space, knees nearly pressed to his chest.

He laughed, glancing down at his long legs, awkwardly folded to fit. “Pretty sure this thing is meant for kids,” he replied, shaking his head. “I could practically lift it off the track if I needed to.”

As you both laughed, the wheel rotated again, giving you both a slight jolt that made you clutch his arm out of reflex. He turned to you, amused, but his hand found yours on his arm and squeezed it gently, giving you a reassuring smile.

When the Ferris wheel finally brought you back to the ground, you moved on to the teacups. As you got into the tiny seat across from Damian, his knees pressed against the side and his arms nearly hit the handles as he tried to situate himself. The sight of him, usually so composed and intimidating, squeezing himself into such a small space was comical, and you couldn’t stop yourself from bursting into laughter.

“Laugh it up,” he said, pretending to glare. “Just wait until I start spinning this thing.”

And he did. He twisted the wheel with surprising force, sending your teacup into a whirlwind of spins. You laughed as you held onto the edges, the two of you dizzy and laughing by the time it finally stopped. It wasn’t until you stepped out of the teacup that you realized you were still holding onto his hand, and he hadn’t let go either.

As you both stumbled out, laughing and catching your breath, Rhea waved at you from the next ride—a small roller coaster barely taller than you. She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, and you felt your cheeks flush, realizing she’d probably noticed every single moment of the chemistry she’d been sparking all day.

Damian cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck as he led you toward the next ride. “I think Rhea’s enjoying this way too much.”

You nodded, a smile creeping across your face. “But, you know… I’m not complaining.”

The group meandered back toward the midway, the sounds of carnival games buzzing around you. Plush toys hung from every booth, their bright colors beckoning players. Damian glanced around at the rows of games and muttered with a slight smirk, “You know, these things are just one big rip-off.”

“Maybe,” you shrugged with a grin. “But I’ve always thought it’d be cute if someone won one of those for me.” You nodded toward a particularly large, soft-looking bear dangling over the ring toss booth. “Unfortunately, none of my exes could ever beat the games,” you added with a playful sigh.

Damian’s smirk faded as he looked between you and the plush bear. “Well, maybe they just didn’t have the right skills,” he said casually, though you didn’t miss the competitive glint in his eyes. As if acting on impulse, he stepped up to the ring toss booth and slapped some money down. “Let’s give it a shot,” he said with a confident shrug.

His first attempt was… less than stellar. The ring flew far too wide and clattered pathetically off the side of the bottles. He rolled his eyes, huffing with a laugh. “All right, that was just a warm-up,” he muttered, mostly to himself.

As he tried again, his jaw set with a new focus, his competitive streak kicking in. He narrowed his gaze, lining up each ring with intense concentration, but each time, the ring either hit the bottleneck and bounced off or spun out of control entirely.

By now, a few onlookers had gathered, entertained by his serious attempts. You tried to stifle your laughter, but you couldn't help but crack a grin at the determined look on his face. Damian caught you watching and laughed, shaking his head. 

“This thing’s rigged,” he grumbled, picking up another ring. “But I’m not leaving without that bear.”

It took a few more tries, but finally, with one last, precise throw, the ring landed cleanly over the bottle neck. Damian’s mouth dropped open in momentary disbelief before his face broke into a proud grin. He raised his fist in victory, and the crowd of onlookers gave him a small cheer.

With a satisfied look, he turned to the attendant, who handed him the oversized bear. Damian held it up with a triumphant grin, and for a moment, you saw the thrill of his wrestling persona flash across his face. Then, he turned to you, holding the bear out with a proud smile.

“Here you go,” he said, his voice softer than before. “For you, from the master of ring toss himself.”

You took the bear from him, laughing as you hugged it to your chest. “Thank you, Damian.”

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Anything to make a day at the fair memorable,” he said, his gaze lingering on you as you clutched the bear.

Somehow, in that little exchange, the day felt different—more charged, more real. You could both sense it, though neither of you dared to name it just yet.

As the sun dipped low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the fairgrounds, Rhea gathered the group near the edge of the festival grounds with a mischievous grin. “Surprise! I booked us hot air balloon rides to finish off the day.” She beamed, holding up a handful of tickets. “Only four per balloon, so… here we go.”

In a practiced and subtle shuffle, Rhea partnered up with the others, quickly taking the balloon nearest her and flashing a wink your way as she climbed in. Within moments, the other three wrestlers joined her, laughing and getting settled, leaving you and Damian standing by the last balloon, alone.

Damian raised an eyebrow, half-smiling as he looked at you. “Guess it’s just us then?”

You felt your stomach twist as you took in the sight of the balloon’s basket waiting just for the two of you. Heights had never been your thing, and you could already feel a wave of nervousness inching its way in. 

“Yeah… just us,” you said with a weak smile, hoping he didn’t notice your hesitation.

As you climbed into the basket, Damian leaned over, catching the flicker of worry in your expression. “You good?” he asked, eyes softening as he stepped inside.

You nodded, though your voice betrayed you. “Fine, just… never been the biggest fan of heights.”

He chuckled softly, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you grounded… well, as grounded as we can be in this thing.” 

As the balloon began to rise, you felt his arm slide around your shoulders, guiding you to lean into his chest, keeping you steady as the ground below slowly faded from view.

You closed your eyes, inhaling deeply, the faint scent of his cologne settling your nerves. “Thanks. This definitely helps,” you murmured.

He chuckled, his voice a low rumble as he tried to distract you. “Want to know something? When I first got into WWE, I was all nerves. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to wrestle in front of thousands of people, live on TV, with my face everywhere.”

You looked up at him, surprised. “Seriously? You always seem so… sure of yourself.”

“Fake it ’til you make it,” he said with a grin, tapping his chest. “It’s easier when you have good people around you.” He glanced down, and there was a look in his eyes that made your breath hitch. “People like you.”

A comfortable silence settled between you, and as you lifted your head slightly, you could see a whole new world stretched out below, lit by the fading golden light of sunset. It felt surreal, hanging in this quiet pocket of the sky with him, where time seemed to stand still.

“You know,” Damian began, his voice gentle as he traced a thumb over your shoulder, “I, uh… I’ve liked you for a while. More than I probably should.”

You felt your cheeks warm as you looked up at him, heart pounding. “Yeah? I had no idea. But… maybe I’ve felt the same.”

His gaze flickered over your face, studying you as if trying to memorize every feature. “Then maybe I’m not crazy to think this is worth a shot?”

Before you could answer, he leaned down, brushing his lips over yours in a soft, tentative kiss, his hand cradling your face. You melted into him, any lingering nerves forgotten as you lost yourself in the moment. When you pulled back, you couldn’t help but smile, feeling lighter than ever.

“So,” you whispered, still inches away, “guess Rhea’s little matchmaking scheme worked, huh?”

Damian chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ll have to thank her later… but right now, I’m more than happy just to be here with you.”

[laylaysdelusions]

New neighbors

(Ellabs x reader)

Warnings: masterbation at the end for like a second, suggestive, poly.

A/n: if you want a part two let me know in my asks of DMs

You stand in your kitchen with baking ingredients spread all across your counters. “What does the recipe say again?” You talk to yourself. “Ah, half a cup”. You continue to make your brownies with a smile on your face. You open your curtains after deciding it’s too dark in the room, that’s when you notice two women inside the house next to yours. Oh, someone is moving in?

You see it’s a blonde and a brunette, both of them are very attractive. Your eyes scan both of them for a good few minutes. You snap out of the trance you are in when the timer of the oven goes off. You grab your brownies and set them aside to cool.

You can’t help but look over there constantly just to see the pretty girls. Are they best friends? Sisters..well no they can’t be. Girlfriends? Your mind races as you get lost in thought. When you feel eyes on you, you look up to see them both smiling at you. You awkwardly wave before frantically drawing curtains back. “What the hell did I just do..” you facepalm yourself for being so awkward.

A few days pass and you still can’t remove the image of their smiles from your head. You really wanna introduce yourself, however you don’t know how. You’re pondering around your bedroom until you think of the perfect way. You’re gonna make them cookies.

You immediately get to work. Grabbing the sugar and flour and all the good stuff, these have to be perfect. It takes an hour and when you are done it’s 2:30 in the afternoon. You take a peek outside to make sure their car is there, it is.

You look in the mirror in the hallway to prepare yourself for this. With a deep breath and a gentle smile on your face it’s time to go knock.

You skip your way down the sidewalk until you reach their front steps. Your soft hand connects with the sturdy door. The opening swings open to reveal the blonde you’ve already mentally gawked over.

Her muscles look like they could smash you in the concrete and it makes your belly warm. “Uh hi?” The woman says to you, making you jump out of your thoughts. “Oh hi I’m your neighbor and I baked some cookies for you” you say anxiously fidgeting. “Aw sweet” she says plainly, taking the container for your hands. You felt like she just dismissed all your hard work for them. Suddenly you see the brunette at the door with her hand on the salty woman’s shoulder.

“don’t be rude to this sweet girl” her words made you blush and stare at your feet. “I’m sorry about that, Abby can be mean, I’m Ellie” her voice has the perfect amount of rasp. Abby scoffs at her. “You can come in if you want”

They have such contrasting personalities and for whatever reason it makes you melt. “Thank you for the cookies that was sweet” Ellie says while Abby takes a seat next to you.

“Why did you decide to move here of all places” you ask. “We thought it was a cute little neighborhood to explore our love in” Ellie says, making your eyes widen. “Shocked we’re a couple?” Abby says and you nod. “It’s nothing against you both it’s just there’s not many fellow queer women around here”

“Well it must be nice to know us now”

Abby’s hand subtly touches your thigh, causing you to flinch from the unexpected feeling. She’s so beefy it’s so sexy. You just wanna suck on her fingers.

Your cheeks turn red as you see that Ellie saw that interaction. You get embarrassed and quickly make an excuse to leave. “Bye Ellie and Abby i just remembered i have something important to do” you mutter while walking out.

You slam your door shut and may twist your hands in hand. “I just exposed myself in front of the two prettiest girls I’ve ever seen” you slap your forehead. You go up to your room to toss and turn in your bed. Every time you thought about them it made it worse. Your mind wandered off to Ellie’s smirk and Abby’s thick fingers and before you could process it your jeans were off and your fingers were drawing circles around your puffy clit.

What you didn’t realize is that your bedroom window was open.

[formulateez]

mission failed (TEASER) | op81 + ln4

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader x lando norris

genre: filthy smut with a hell of a build up summary: the last time oscar and y/n had their fun, lando had to hear all of it. out of playful retaliation, he tries to fuck with them as a joke, but it backfires and he ends up literally fucking with them. word count: definitely something over 4-5k words, it's not exactly finished right now note: for the sake of the plot, oscar and lando share an apartment in monaco and y/n has been friends with the both of them for quite some time now :D

warnings: 100% nsfw, threesome, lots of making out, oral (m and f receiving), just barely any mxm but its not really the focus here, someone gets restrained for a moment, use of pet names, definitely more but i have yet to actually reach the smut part! i also haven't decided if i wanna make it a dp fic or not... :P requested?: no, but @/ay7ton's reblog gave me the inspo for this fic so i felt inclined to write it bc who wouldn't wanna get tag teamed by landoscar :D

extras: dividers and banners made with template from @/cafekitsune !! gif is from @/oqiwans !! // also!! if anyone would be interested in being in the taglist for whenever i get to posting this fic, feel free send me an ask or a dm!! <33

Oscar listens closely for the sound of the door locking, almost guaranteeing a few moments of privacy. You could feel Oscar almost tense up, looking over to your left to glance at Oscar. Before you could have a chance to speak, Oscar's lips already found themselves on yours.

Despite your eyes widening, you don’t hesitate to return the kiss. It’s gentle yet still heated, leaving shivers trailing down both of your spines. Almost as if neither can get enough, the kiss deepens, and Oscar moves to softly push you onto your back.

Oscar's hands roam your body with familiarity, while your hands find a slight grip in his hair. Your hearts nearly pound in unison as you both knew that Lando could walk into the living room at any moment. The both of you fought to keep your situationship a secret, but the adrenaline from the risk of getting caught brought too much excitement to pass up. You find yourself consistently peeking at the bathroom door, almost bracing for Lando to interrupt the moment.

Oscar's lips softly graze your cheek as he starts to trail kisses down your jaw, making their way to your neck. You lightly grip Oscar's hair, silently warning him to not leave any visible marks.

Oscar’s lips briefly tug into a smirk before he softly whispers, “Pretty girl, you know pulling on my hair like that is just going to make me wanna mark you even more.”

You rolle your eyes as you tug him down by his hair to connect your lips again. Both of you were momentarily distracted and didn’t notice that the shower had just shut off.

Panic flashes through Oscar as he hears the door unlock, and he abruptly breaks apart from you. You almost didn’t want that moment to end, and you found yourself wishing that Lando would occupy himself just a little longer. You couldn’t help but want to steal a few more kisses from Oscar. With the way Oscar's final glance towards you appeared, it seems as if he thought the same. The both of you quickly situate yourselves and return to whatever you both were previously doing on your phones.

Oscar debates in his head before opening his mouth to speak. “I had fun watching those two Transformers movies with you earlier. I used to think the movies were kinda corny but they’re fun to watch with you.” You felt a slight blush creep onto your cheeks as a soft smile tugs at your lips. 

“Yeah,” you contently sigh, “I had fun too, usually people don’t really enjoy my taste in movies.”

Oscar returns your smile before taking a step towards you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Gently grabbing your waist, his voice drops to a low, intimate tone. “Speaking of which, I was thinking we could continue that fun in my room. Free from the worry of Lando wondering why we’re taking forever to clean up.”

[lovetaroandtaemin]

Kinktober 2024

Day 22: Brat Taming

Na Jaemin x Reader Word Count: 1,612 THIS FIC IS NSFW, MINORS DNI!!! Warnings: Sort of public teasing, Jaemin flirts with other girls to piss Reader off, jealous reader, lowkey toxic relationship?, edging/orgasm denial, spanking, oral (male and female recieving), implied round 2. If you think I missed a warning, please let me know! A/N: If you would like to be added to my Kinktober taglist, you can send an ask, send a dm, or comment on one of my Kinktober-related posts with the username that you'd like tagged. Happy reading!

Taglist: @unlikelysublimekryptonite

Fic is under the cut.

You should have known that agreeing to go to Jeno’s party with Jaemin was a mistake. You loved Jaemin’s friends dearly, but whenever there was a party your boyfriend acted like even more of a brat than usual. It started with grabbing your ass when he thought no one was looking. Then it escalated to small comments under his breath, like how badly he wanted to see your makeup run, just to get his friends to laugh. Tough talk for such a submissive man, but that was beside the point.

Tonight, you were willing to let Jaemin act however he wanted within reason. Jeno was throwing this party to celebrate graduating college, after all, and you didn’t want to ruin your boyfriend’s fun at his best friend’s party. You even considered giving him what he wanted and letting him dominate you for a change after you got home. That changed when you saw him talking to Chaewon, one of the most popular girls in your year. He laughed at everything she said, and when you saw the way that he looked at her, it made you sick to your stomach. You knew that he was leading her on to piss you off, but it still triggered a strong emotional response for you.

When you saw him take her phone to put his number in, you decided that you’d had enough. You marched over to where they stood, grabbing Jaemin’s arm and saying, “Come with me. We need to talk.”

“Sure, honey. I’ll be right back, Chae.”

You practically dragged him to an empty bathroom, locking the door behind you. Once the door was locked, you turned to Jaemin and said, “Cut it out.”

“But I’m not doing anything.”

“Then what the hell were you doing giving Chaewon your number? Would you rather be with her tonight?”

“No, ma’am,” he said, looking down at the floor. Your reaction was how he knew that he’d gone too far. He only wanted to have some lighthearted fun, not hurt you. He hadn’t even actually given Chaewon his number, he was just typing a random note in her phone, but now was not the time to tell you that.

“We’re going home.”

“Can I say goodbye to Jeno first?”

“No. You can text him after I’m done with you.”

Jaemin did feel bad about upsetting you, but he also had to admit that he was incredibly turned on by seeing you so angry. That’s why he’d spent the night teasing you in the first place. He never meant to go as far as he did, though, so he decided to behave for the rest of the night.

You and Jaemin left the bathroom and walked back to your car, and you drove back to your apartment. The drive was silent, with you being too angry to speak and Jaemin being too embarrassed to speak. The silence made the drive feel much longer than it was, but it only took a few minutes to get back to your apartment. When you got inside, the first thing Jaemin did was drop to his knees and kiss your thighs. You had to admit that the stimulation felt good, but it didn’t change that you intended to punish him. So, you said, “Bedroom. Now. I expect you to be naked and sitting on the bed when I get there.”

Jaemin scrambled to get up and do as he was told. Once he was out of the room, you removed the mini dress you’d worn to the party, leaving only your bra and underwear on. You waited a few minutes to go to your bedroom, so he had time to complete the rest of your instructions. Then you made your way to your room and saw that Jaemin had followed every instruction you’d given him. It was kind of cute in a way how eager he was to please you. Sure, he acted like a brat sometimes, but deep down you knew he was your good boy.

Jaemin sat up straighter when he saw you walk in the room. He was desperate to please, feeling guilty about how he’d acted earlier. When he saw the way you looked at him, he initially thought his punishment would be spanking. That probably explains the surprise in his eyes when he saw you kneel in front of him. For a brief moment he considered asking you what was going on, but he knew better than to speak when he hadn’t been addressed first during a punishment. He got his answer anyway when you looked up at him and said, “I’m going to suck your cock, but you are not allowed to cum. If you do, the next part of the punishment will be worse. Do you understand?”

“Yes, miss.”

“Good boy,” you said before you took him in your mouth. Typically, you would have started slow, but this time you weren’t really concerned about being gentle with Jaemin. You moved your head along his shaft, pumping the parts that you couldn’t fit with your hand. The sweet whimpers that came from his mouth almost made you consider going easier on him.

Then you remembered the look in his eyes when he was talking to Chaewon at the party. You stopped using your mouth, instead opting to stroke his cock with your hand while you spoke to him. You looked up at him with the sweetest bedroom eyes you could muster and said, “How does it feel, baby?”

Jaemin moaned in response and said, “So good, miss.”

“Then you wouldn’t rather have Chaewon doing this right now?”

“No, miss. Only want you.”

“Say it again, slut.”

“I only want you, miss.”

“Then act like it when we’re out together. Understood?”

“Understood. Miss, I think I’m-”

You promptly stopped stroking and said, “Did I give you permission to speak beyond telling me that you understand?”

“No, miss.”

“That’s what I fucking thought.”

You waited a few minutes, then you started stroking again. When you noticed the tell-tale signs of an impending orgasm, you stopped again. Jaemin whined when you stopped, but one look from you shut him up quickly. You brought him to the edge one more time and stopped, and you had to admit that you were impressed that Jaemin had avoided an orgasm. So, you said, “Since you didn’t cum, I’ll go easy on you for the next part. Stand up and bend over.”

Jaemin knew what was coming next, and he dreaded it, but he still did as he was told. You gave his ass ten hard smacks, enjoying the small moans that left his mouth every time your hand made contact. When you were satisfied, you told him to stand up. He did, and you quickly turned him around to press a soft kiss to his forehead. He blushed at the soft contrast to what you were just doing and looked at you with the most fucked-out expression you’d ever seen. He seemed liked he wanted to say something, so you asked, “What’s up, sweetheart?”

“Can I eat you out, miss?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, miss. Wanna make you feel good.”

“Go ahead, baby,” you said as you settled into a comfortable position on your bed. Within seconds, Jaemin was between your legs and pulling your panties down. As soon as your clothes were out of the way, Jaemin brought his mouth to your pussy, gently sucking on your clit. You moaned at the feeling, and it only made him want to do more. While his lips teased your clit, he slowly slid two of his fingers into you and pumped them in and out.

The pleasure you were feeling was dizzying, and you had to admit that you were feeling a lot better about what had happened at the party. It had taken a bit of reassurance from Jaemin, but you knew without a doubt in your mind that he loved you, and that you were the only person that he wanted. He just liked to act out to get your attention. You decided to make a plan with him for what he could do instead when he really wanted you.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a familiar knot tightening in your stomach. You tried to warn Jaemin, but before you could get the words out you were coming undone around his fingers. As he fucked you through your release, you quickly found yourself getting overstimulated, so you gently told him to stop. He stopped just long enough to make his way up to your lips and kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

After you caught your breath, you helped Jaemin to your bathroom so you could clean him up, as well as clean yourself up. Once you were done, you helped him back to bed and put lotion on where you’d spanked him. He thanked you, and you pulled him closer. When you found a comfortable position you just held him, reassuring him that you loved him more than anything and apologizing for getting so jealous.

Jaemin apologized for upsetting you, and he explained that he had never actually flirted with Chaewon. In fact, Chaewon was in on it the entire time, helping him pretend to flirt with her to make you jealous. You had to laugh, and you kissed him again. Jaemin deepened the kiss, and you could feel him getting hard again as he kissed you. You should have figured that it would happen, especially because he didn’t cum earlier. Since he had taken his punishment so well, you decided to help him out once you finished recovering from your orgasm.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to see what else I've written so far and the rest of what's planned, you can find my Kinktober masterlist here. If you'd like to read one of my non-Kinktober works, you can find my general masterlist here. If you'd like to see what I'm going to be working on once Kinktober is over, you can find my upcoming works here. If none of that interests you, or there's something specific you'd like to see, send a request via asks or dms!

Thank you again for reading, happy spooky season!

[much-ado-about-whumping]

Help for when you’re having a rough time

(If you're looking for my old pinned post with my whump masterlists, you can find it here.)

In light of some deeply sad news in the whump community today, I’m thinking about how many of us here struggle with mental health, sometimes including physical or mental self-harm and suicidality. Since I know lots of folks might be having a hard time right now, I wanted to share some resources that have helped me in rough moments. Please feel free to add on to this post (or make your own, if you want!) with the resources that have worked for you. 

First, a note:

Trauma, shame, and suicidality all tend to isolate - they make us feel like we’re all alone in the world, like no one else would understand us, and like the only solutions we have available to us are ones we can think of all by ourselves. In my experience, the antidote to that is connection. If you’re feeling scared or alone, you can hop into my asks or DMs if you want. I’m sure there are other folks in this community who would offer that, too. Many of us have grappled with mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation, and sometimes we can offer each other the care that can be hard to offer ourselves. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.

A quick note about location: I live in the US, but about half the resources in this post are written guides you can access from anywhere. The hotlines and warmlines linked below are US-based. One or two are accessible in Canada or have an online chat or moderated forum that could be accessed anywhere. If you have good local resources from another place, please reblog and add them! (Thank you, @straight-to-the-pain, for flagging this in the notes!)

That said, here’s my absolute first recommendation if you’re feeling generally awful and don’t know what to do:

1. You Feel Like Shit (also available at its original site here)

If you’ve read a lot of ~self care tips~ in your life (and if you’re a bit of a salty bitch like me), you might be sick of being told to eat something and take a nap. (I don’t think we can hydrate our way out of long-term trauma and late-stage capitalistic hell, but thanks.) That said, I’ve found this site REALLY helpful. Personally, I have ADHD and CPTSD, a combination that makes it ROUGH for me to know how to take care of myself sometimes. This site speaks to you calmly, like a non-judgemental friend, and walks you through steps that you might struggle with if you have a hard time with executive function in general, or if you’re ill, grieving, overwhelmed, or otherwise just off your game. I pretty much always walk away feeling at least a little better, even if I don’t complete every step.

There are more suggestions and resources below the cut. Wishing everyone in this community love and care. <3

2. The 15-Minute Rule (info available in many places; after a quick google, I really like this site as a place to start)

One key principle to understanding the resources I’ve put together here is the 15-minute rule. If you’re feeling an urge towards physical or mental self-harm or suicide, studies show that the urge is unlikely to last more than about 15 minutes at its peak intensity. (Sorry I don’t have data on this off the bat - anecdotally, I can tell you that this rule also tracks with my own personal experience.) This means that, if you’re presently feeling overwhelmed by grief or pain that’s turning inwards on you, if you can stay afloat through the next few minutes, the tide of it is likely to ebb. The site I linked above has information about this concept and some great harm-reduction ideas, too. (Another resource on this that I liked in my quick search is here.)

3. Read This First (a compassionate distraction from feelings of self-harm)

I’m gonna be honest; this resource is aimed at folks having urges towards physical self-harm, but it looks like something I would find helpful with urges towards emotional self-harm, too. (It also looks like it could be handy for body-focused repetitive behaviors - BFRBs - like dermatillomania/skin-picking or trichotillomania/hair-pulling).

4. Resources from Pete Walker, psychotherapist and author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Obviously not everyone reading this will have complex PTSD (also called C-PTSD), but if you’re a person who, in general, tends to beat yourself up a lot, I’d highly recommend checking Pete Walker’s work out. If some of it doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay - take what you need, and leave the rest. This site (and the book it references most heavily) assumes you may have had parents who were emotionally or physically abusive or neglectful. If that doesn’t ring true for you, but other parts of the resources seem helpful, use them anyway! A handy place to start maybe this page on Shrinking the Inner Critic in Complex PTSD (that is, reducing the volume of the voice that screeches unpleasantness at you when you feel ashamed or scared).

As a note: this website looks VERY mid-2000s (which I kind of love). Most of the resources you want will be in the right-hand column full of links. Some of those links will open new pages, and some will automatically try to download a PDF of the article you want to read. 

5. Warmlines:

This is something I just learned today - if you’re feeling really lonely and sad, but you’re not in immediate crisis, there are warmlines you can contact! These seem to be numbers where you can call (or sometimes text) to talk with a counselor or trained peer when you need support and connection. I can’t vouch for any of these numbers personally, but as someone who has definitely thought, “It’s not bad enough to REALLY need help,” I think this is a fabulous idea. Here’s a list of warmlines you can check out in the US.

6. Specialized hotlines: 

There are lots of good crisis hotlines out there, but some may be better for your needs than others. For one thing, if you’re feeling seriously suicidal, it’s good to know the policies of the hotline you’re calling. In my opinion, everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the right to refuse care; for that reason, I think it’s important to know the policy of the hotline you’re calling as to whether or not they’ll call emergency services without your consent. Everyone has to make their own judgment call on this one, and I’m a little too (lightly!) triggered to go deep into my analysis on this right now, but I wanted to flag that it’s something to be aware of - if you’re going to call a hotline, you can try to look up their policy on calling emergency services before you contact them. You could probably even ask them in the beginning of the call. (A script: “Before we start, can you tell me what your policy is about contacting emergency services on behalf of callers?” If this is true, you can add: “I’m having some feelings of [suicidality/self-harm], but I’m safe and am not in danger of hurting myself or others.”)

With that in mind, here are some hotlines that seem promising to me, in no particular order:

A. For queer and trans folks in general:

Trans LifeLine

Available in the US (1-877-565-8860) and Canada (1-877-330-6366)

Available in English and Spanish

Will NOT call emergency services without your consent (you can read more about this policy on their website, including here)

Peer to peer support for transgender and questioning folks; also, microgrants (small amounts of money) for trans-related needs!

Does not offer text/chat-based support

I’ve never used Trans LifeLine myself, but I’ve heard excellent things about it from peers who have.

The Trevor Project:

Support from trained counselors for queer, trans, and questioning folks

Definitely available in the US; I’m not sure where else.

Offers support via phone (1-866-488-7386), text message (678-678), and online chat (link here - scroll down to Start Chat)

Also offers an online peer support space, TrevorSpace, for folks ages 13-24

Their site says, “In very specific instances of abuse or a clear concern of an in-progress or imminent suicide, Trevor counselors may need to contact a child welfare agency or emergency service.” When you click Learn More, it takes you to their Terms of Service (informative, but in legalese that might be hard to parse if you’re in crisis).

Again, not a service I’ve used myself, but I’ve heard good things!

B. For BIPOC folks (Black folks, Indigenous folks, and people of color more broadly), especially those who also hold LQBTQI identities:

Call Blackline:

Available via phone or text (both at 1-800-604-5841)

Available for people in crisis. Call Blackline can also help connect you with local community organizers and officials if you need to report a negative, inappropriate, or physical interaction with police, other law enforcement, or vigilantes.

From their website:

Call BlackLine® provides a space for peer support, counseling, reporting of mistreatment, witnessing and affirming the lived experiences for folxs who are most impacted by systematic oppression with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens.Call BlackLine® prioritizes BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color). By us for us.

Here’s what I found regarding their policy on emergency services:

You do not have to provide any personal information to use the service. All calls remain private and will never be shared with law enforcement or state agencies of any kind.

Of course, a BIPOC person can contact any hotline for support, but for people dealing with racism, anti-Blackness, and other specific bigotries, I can very much see the importance of talking to someone who shares or understands that experience.

C. For folks processing bad psychedelic trips:

Fireside Project:

This one is something I didn’t even know existed! They do call- or text-based support (1-623-473-7433, or 1-62-FIRESIDE) for people processing psychedelic drug experiences, available 11am to 11pm Pacific time. I don’t have a ton more info, but their site seems really interesting and like they’re serving a unique need.

7. A soothing distraction:

One of the glories of the internet is the fact that it enables us to conjure up images of kittens at a moment’s notice. In that vein, I want to offer up a VERY cute distraction: Peptoc is a hotline (1-707-873-7862, or 1-707-8PEPTOC) where you can hear encouraging messages in English or Spanish from kindergarteners. How sweet is that? (Thanks to the wonderful @newbornwhumperfly for this suggestion!)

--------

Beloved whump community, I want to know about things that help you when you’re struggling. Please feel free to share them if you want.

And, Moya - we’ll miss you so, so much, even those of us (like me) who didn’t know you well. May your memory be an absolute blessing. <3

(I was going to put this in the tags, but oops, it’s going up here - I really hope this post will be helpful to someone, but it was also helpful to me to build. I feel better in a crisis when I can find a way to help - it’s how I soothe myself when I’m sad or scared. I really hope this doesn’t seem preachy or self-aggrandizing - it’s really just me processing-processing-processing. <3)

One more note: if this post makes you think you might want to follow my blog, you're totally welcome, but you should check out my note here first. This is not a DNI list; it's just a heads-up about my content, which could be inappropriate or triggering for some people.

[solarnomoon]

get a guitar - lee heeseung

your boyfriend every third thursday/best friend not boyfriend/(not-so) secret crush, heeseung, gets a little too tipsy for you.

pairing >>> heeseung x male reader

tags >>> college au, alcohol consumption, confessing feelings???, misunderstanding, slight angst, fluff, comfort, (not super) drunk hee, suggestive content

author's note >>> i have a few things to say. first, this was inspired by drunk heeseung hello he's adorable ･ﾟ･(｡>ω<｡)･ﾟ･ and second, i rly liked riize's debut song! and ik, it's supposed to be fun and innocent, but it's fun to think there's more to it!

the rattling of your bedside table was not uncommon for you to be awakened by, but was what uncommon was the fact that as you open your eyes to silence your phone from the blasting alarm, there was no light that peered through the curtains, causing you to groan at being woken up so early.

you reach for your phone and see who dared to wake you from your slumber, and after your eyes adjusted to the bright light, you immediately pick up seeing sunghoon’s name. you figured it was important as sunghoon has never once called you, the reason being as he hates calling and only texts, dms, hell, even replies on twitter.

“hello?”

“h-hey y/n!” the voice that rang through was not sunghoon, now keeping in mind that technically, sunghoon had still never rung you. “what’s going oonnn!”

it’s not like you didn’t recognize the voice though, “sunoo? not much, but it’s fucking… 1:30 in the morning, what’s up?” you slowly sit up, rubbing your eyes after flipping the on switch for your ambient lamp next to you.

“heyy, so, basically we all went out as you know, and oh em gee, you have to look at the pictures we took, they are SO funny…” you hear someone else’s voice in the background to tell him to focus, whom you can only assume is jay. “sorrryyy, anyway we called because your little lover boy over here is like, a little like, too fucked up.”

“heeseung? and he’s not my lover boy.”

“notice how i didn’t say a name~” the guy over the phone just giggles, you letting out a sigh after hearing that heeseung might’ve gotten himself in trouble. “anyway, his roommate has his fuckbuddy over, probably getting her pregnant. he’s so fucking irresponsible with condoms, agh, i hate him!” the sudden outburst from sunoo makes you snort, the love-hate relationship they have is probably one of the most entertaining things you’ve seen in a while.

“it’s okay, sun, tell me how much you hate ‘lix later.”

an audible gasp is heard through the phone, with sunoo adding, “ugh, i hate that you’re friends with that stupid australian!”

“felix is not a bad guy, sunoo, and you know this too.” you take this opportunity to tease him back, “plus, you’re just jealous that he’s not fucking you instead, don’t lie.”

“not the point y/n. the real point is, can seung stay at yours? i know your roommate is out for the weekend, and none of us have space for him.” he pauses for a few seconds, then jay tells him to ‘tell y/n the other thing!’ sunoo lets out a noise of agreement, then continues. “he also has been asking about you all night. like, i mean literally talking about you every moment of his life. so i think it’s time to just give him what he wants…”

“he’s been asking about me?”

“uhh, when is he not? seriously, when are you guys gonna get together?”

“you know he doesn’t like me like th-“

this time, sunoo lets out a sigh, interrupting your sentence. “i don’t wanna get into this with you, we’re coming to your dorm.”

“but i didn’t say you c-“ and with that, your dorm room opens wide open, with heeseung holding on to jay’s shoulder to keep himself up. “-ould come."

after jay puts him down onto your chair, sunoo and jungwon walk in the room as well, with jungwon giving you a wave while sunoo gives you a hug. "he's your responsibility now, y/n. we couldn't get him to go anywhere else to be honest..." jay admits, his hand reaching to the back of his neck.

"it's... fine, just go have fun and enjoy the rest of your night. i can take care of heeseung." at the sound of his name, the guy looks over to you, mouth forming a wide smile when he recognizes your face.

"hey you, just the man i was looking for!" heeseung stands up from the chair and practically jumps into your bed with you, hugging you by the waist while his lower body stays on the floor. you nod to the other three, signalling them to leave, with jungwon and jay giving you a sheepish smile. sunoo on the other hand just wiggles his eyebrows and does the "salt shaking" motion, then leaves with them, shutting the door behind him.

you place your hands on heeseung's head and angle his face as to look at him, immediately feeling the warmth of his cheeks. as he looks up at you, you notice that he has a natural red glow, presumably from the alcohol he had consumed. "jeez, how much have you drank?"

he puts his fingers into a pinch, "a little bit." he removes his other hand from your waist to match the pinch, "just a little, a little." he puts his hand into a motion as if he's drinking a cup, signaling to you that he drank (as if you didn't already know that...) "actually, i drank a little."

"yeah, heard you the first... and second... and third time, heeseung. do you want some water?" you lean over to your bedside table to grab your water bottle, but when you try to hand it to him, he pushes it away. "you don't want?"

"i only want it if you drink it first!" he grins at you, confidence filling his voice all of a sudden.

"dude, how can you drink it if i drink it?"

"easy, you just pour it from your mouth into mine."

"what are you fucking talking about?"

heeseung gets up from the floor and sits next to you, leaning over to have his head on your lap. "it would be really easy like this, you just pour it into your mouth and then drip it into mine..." he wraps his arms around your waist again, putting his face into your shirt. "or, you could just kiss me with the water in your mouth."

you thought you heard him wrong, with the fact that he muttered his last sentence into your shirt, but after asking him to repeat it, you realize that what you heard was what he said. "...heeseung, i thi-" a muffled whine interrupts your sentence, and for a second, your heart squeezes, nervous that whine was one out of pain (definitely not because you liked the way it sounded coming from him). "heeseung?"

another whine erupts from his mouth, but before you could ask again, he answers, "stop calling me that, y/n."

"dude, you know that's your name, right?"

the movement was so quick that you didn't even know his drunk self could manage it, but in the blink of an eye, the positions had changed to where you were sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around your waist still, but his face laying on your back. "but that's not what you call me."

"what are you talking about, seungie?" and with that, you could literally feel the muscles on his face form a slight smile, his face pressing harder into your back. after that, he removed it, putting his lips oddly close to your neck.

"that's my boy, much better..." his lips graze the bottom of your ear, before moving to the side of your neck, planting a small kiss. "so much better."

the minute you felt his lips on your skin, your instinct was to push away, your pulse quickening, and the area on the back of your neck tingling like sparks. "hey, don't fucking do that!" you looked back to scold him, but the tiny pout on his face made you soften up. "just... you can't do that kind of shit... not when..." i'm practically in love with you, you had wanted to say, and although heeseung was drunk, you couldn't take that chance of him remembering in the morning and prematurely ruining the friendship.

you knew it was bound to happen. it was only a matter of time before he found out himself or your feelings had grown immense amounts to the point where you couldn't take it anymore. either way was a lose-lose situation, but even knowing this, you couldn't lose heeseung as a friend, or a sort of fake lover the way he had treated you.

in fact, it was how he had treated you that made this impossible. he clung to you like a fucking leech. you and him were rarely seen without the other, and everyone around knew that if you invited one, you had to invite the other.

he'd play stupid horror games on roblox late at night with you, running halfway across campus the minute you said you were too scared to continue, and he'd hold you in his arms as you slept until dawn.

he'd invite you to his dorm and watch rom-coms with all of your favorite snacks, ramen that he had cooked for both of you guys, and heated blankets, massaging your back as you watched together while you laughed at the stupid jokes, periodically asking you if those pick-ups lines would work if someone used them on you.

he'd pick you up to go to a fancy dinner date, paying for your entire meal, then afterwards, bring you on a drive to the scenic areas and talk deep conversations with you as you guys admitted shit you never had before, discussing innate and learned fears, future plans, and why the earth revolved around the sun.

if you guys were dating, heeseung would be the absolute perfect boyfriend. he brought you to theme parks, county fairs, arcades, family meetups, holidays, pretty much everywhere. you couldn't imagine life without him, he was a staple to your life, and everyone knew you guys were practically inseparable.

but you and heeseung weren't dating. you had done all of these things in the past few months out of pure best-friendcy. and yet, you didn't want to lose this intimacy with him.

"not when you what, y/n?" heeseung leans to the side so you could see his face, curiosity floating in his eyes as he gazes at you.

"...not when you're drunk, heeseung."

"i'm not fucking drunk. and didn't i tell you to stop calling me that? it doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth." heeseung strengthens his grip around you, pulling you closer into him, as if he let go, you would fall out of his life for good.

"heeseung, you have to let go, you drank too much and you don't know what you're doing," before you could even realize it, your voice had started raising in volume and desperation little by little, "and it's like this isn't normal best friend behavior and i feel like i'm trapped in this fucking bubble of keeping to myself because i don't want to ruin us but i can't just leave you because you're so fucking important to me and i just!" you hold your breath, not knowing what to say next. "i just think it's unfair..."

you didn't even realize you were crying until heeseung was wiping the tears away with his hands, leaving small kisses on the top of your head. "hey, hey, baby..." heeseung whispered, making you even angrier. you turn around in his lap, hitting his chest.

"heeseung! don't even fucking call me that right now! that's part of the problem, you don't call your best friend that! stop fucking playing with my feelings!" you then grab his shirt and cry into it, muttering the last part, "if you wanna play with something, play with that stupid fucking guitar you have, not me..."

he chuckles softly at your sentence, but before you scold him for laughing at a time like this, he gently presses his lips against yours, encapsulating you into a slow, loving kiss. instead of fighting back, you lean into him, allowing yourself to be taken by his soft lips, kissing back with just as gentle of pressure, not wanting to be overwhelmed by a feeling you have dreamed of since you met the man.

as he pulls away, he wipes the tears stained on your cheek with his thumb lovingly, leaving his hands on your face. "you've been wanting to say all of that for a while huh? i feel like that outburst has been building up overtime." you just nod, not knowing what to say. "y/n, i swear to god, we've been dating. maybe not officially boyfriends, but dating." the confusion on your face must've been extremely evident, because he squishing his eyebrows together in retaliation. "you... you know i'm like... in love with you right...? right?"

"huh?" you sniffle, the tears stopping from the perplexed feeling overtaking your sadness. "you've never asked me out!"

"yes, i did! remember, at the park, when we had a picnic and i brought strawberry soju and the whole charcuterie board. i asked you that day, i remember what i said because i wrote it down. i said 'y/n, can we take this to the next step?' and you were like, 'yes!' so i thought you knew!"

oh.

oh.

you have never felt so fucking stupid in your life.

"that's what you meant?! i thought you meant to the next step of the stairs we were on!"

heeseung just looks at you blankly, mouth ajar. after a few moments, he just laughs, the sound so loud it reverberates through the room and even rumbles the bed. "n-no fucking way! is that why you randomly picked up the fucking blanket and moved it up to the actual next step?!"

"'cause that's what i thought you meant!" you exclaimed, the anchor in your heart that you didn't even know existed being relieved the more heeseung talked.

heeseung embraces you, placing another kiss onto your lips for a second, then just hovers in front of them, looking into your eyes. "then let me make it explicitly clear. y/n, i'm so fucking in love with you. please let me be your boyfriend."

you respond to him with a kiss of your own, allowing yourself to be overtaken with the absolute relief from the dredge that had been weighing you down on your guys' relationship for weeks upon weeks now. "yes, heeseung. i'd love for you to be my boyfriend."

he just smirks, hands moving from your face down to the hem of your shirt, wanting for you to take it off, which you gladly comply with. "fucking good. been wanting to kiss you, strip you, make you mine for weeks now, but you never reciprocated, so i just thought you weren't ready..." he takes your shorts off with efficiency, not wanting to waste any time with you.

"oh yeah? aren't you still drunk, heeseung?"

"was never that drunk to begin with, just wanted to get that water thing to work, but this..." placing his hands on your thighs, he spreads your legs and pulls you closer, "this is so much fucking better."

[lunhasissues]

I don’t typically talk about my AUs or ocs here but this was a rlly fun idea so I’m gonna share it

New AU Modern. HorrorDust / Kist flavored. [End goal: Poly]

Horror and Dust are married, and they are very happy. They might not be the most perfect couple but they usually can get through everything together with no problems.

Except one day they have an argument.

It’s not unusual for them to Argue. But this one of the more severe ones. Both were screaming, Dust was on the verge of crying, his voice cracking with each word he yelled at Horror.

He gets so worked up that he takes off his wedding ring and throws it at Horror, declaring that they were breaking up.

A divorce.

Horror is in shock, but he snatches the ring and snarls at Dust saying that “He’ll come back eventually” and stomps off, expecting Dust to return to their bedroom within a few hours.

But Dust doesn’t.

He doesn’t show up for days.

Horror is upset all over again, And decides to go out and see if he can find his runaway “husband.”

He eventually finds him! At a bar. (Note: it’s a gay bar but that’s not important. Except to me) Dust is practically in the lap of some dude that Horror has never seen before.

He marches up to his supposed Ex-Husband and demands he comes home. But Dust refuses, staying nice and snug against some skeleton with dripping mascara.

“I told you, we broke up.”

“I thought you were joking.”

“And I thought you were smarter than that, guess we’re both stupid.”

Horror bristles, looking From Dust to this new skeleton. He asks who the hell is this guy and Dust goes “Killer, he let me stay at his place when he caught me sleeping by this bar.”

Horror is livid, but he doesn’t say anything else and eventually leaves — not without glaring at the skeleton named Killer

Horror is constantly going back to this bar to see Dust, but he never approaches. Because Dust seemed perfectly fine snuggled up with some random ass dude. (Seriously, how much bonding did they do for them to be so touchy?)

Its takes time, could be weeks or even months, but eventually, Dust decides to make a compromise. Since Horror seems so keen on him returning and putting the argument behind them (And truly, Dust still had feelings for Horror. He still loved his husband — they never got officially divorced after all — and well, he missed Horror. He missed being in the larger skeletons arms, missed his cooking, missed his touch.)

So Dust talks to Horror and says “I’ll come back” and just before Horror can relax, Dust adds on “But only if Killer can come too, and you get along with him.”

Horror doesn’t want Killer to ““come along”” he doesn’t want anything to do with the cretin that sole his husband’s heart. But, he wants Dust back. He misses him desperately.

So he agrees, and now the three have to work together (more like Horror and Killer sksk)

Way way wayyy down the line Horror will catch feelings for Killer but there’s gonna be a lot of conflict in between.

I wanna write this one day, a friend of mine has been geeking out with me in my DMs and it makes me happy to be passionate about something again. Au is called “Second String” like the red string of fate trope :3

[anti-endo-safe-space]

This isn’t a vent related to endos, but I wanted to go somewhere and you were the first to come to mind. You don’t have to post this either, I just… need a place to go and desperately. You don’t have to read it either, I just wanted a space to go to, I guess. I’m sorry.

I feel like a giant mistake and a failure as a human being. I view myself as a test subject and no one seems to understand the pain that comes with that, I’m a subject that’s always wrong. I feel like I’m always so upset when people say that we’re predictable because we can’t predict ourselves, we never know what’s happening or what’s going on. I feel like other people don’t want to be our friend because we don’t know ourselves or feel like we know a collective identity. There’s never anything solid there.

I want it all to end but u know it won’t and I feel so alone in a world full of people. Even when we’re with others, it’s a constant feeling of alone unless one person is there. And they aren’t here right now. I keep seeing disfigured shapes that always look like shadows and there’s a mist on the floor and I know it isn’t real but I can feel them staring, I can hear the sounds of the popping joints and I can see them turn to look at me like they see me before walking off.

It’s like a waking nightmare and I can’t get out of it. I feel like I’m stuck in an in-between. I’m trying to mask to focus on our blog and answering asks and making sure that the community there is okay, but it’s so hard. The rooms and house don’t feel real. I’m here but I’m not here and it’s so painful. I can see but I can’t see at the same time.

I don’t want to make things about me when other people are in pain and I’m scared to ask for help so I shove it down completely. I don’t know what to do about it anymore and I want someone that’s safe besides our partner to go to. I don’t know what it is anymore.

I feel like a child. I feel so lost and scared. I feel like I wondered in childish glee and now I’m in a waking nightmare with creatures that don’t hurt me but know my pain and can’t do anything about it. They feel so real and I feel so bad but they’re horrifying. I just want to be home. I want to be normal.

I want to stop seeing and hearing things. I’m desperate to have someone with me. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so afraid.

And I look perfectly fine to the outside world but I’m dying inside. I feel trapped in a cage and I can’t get out.

We've spent a few days trying to best figure out how to respond to this. And it's why we're not tagging this with anything other than for endos to not interact because this is something that you will hopefully find

You are not a failure or a mistake, you are a wonderful creature that this world needs more than anything. It's okay to not have a solid identity or to be unpredictable, even without a system that happens. There's nothing wrong with that. It can be stressful but your not bad. And even if no one else wants to be, we'd love to be your friend.

Please, don't go. Stay. Even if it doesn't seem like it, you are so loved and cared about. Your life has so much waiting, it just takes some time but you'll get to a point you'll look back on now and be so proud of how far you've gotten. Even if that person isn't there, even just pretending they are can help. Please keep going. Those happen, seeing things. We see things sometimes that aren't there. Hear things too. That doesn't make you wrong or a mistake, it just means that yeah there's a potential issue but you are not the issue.

Hey your pain is so real and valid. We don't care, come to us. We'll listen. Hell DM us and we'll listen and give you an ear, a shoulder, anything you need. Talk about what's going on, don't try and bottle it in. It won't help any, it'll only hurt.

It's okay to think they're horrifying, that doesn't make you bad or wrong. Your going through a hellish situation that hurts. Your gonna get to be home, even if your home is a person. Normal isn't even really a thing, and even if it is, there's nothing wrong with being different. Your normal in your own way.

Please, go see a doctor, a therapist, anyone. They can help stop your hallucinations. You don't have to say your a system, they don't need to know that. But you can tell them about the hallucinations, they can help.

We get that, you can make a key though. There's always a key you can make, you can do this. Just please.

Even though it hurts, keep going. Keep trying. Push through this. Survive even through this pain.

We are here for you. Dm's, asks, anything. Please, just stay alive, even if it's hard.

[hellmastermiller]

I’m sorry about your mom. As far as coping goes, I’m pretty emotionally stunted but here’s some (admittedly quite common) stuff I use which you’ve probably heard of:

Make a checklist of things you should/could do in a day to keep yourself from skipping out. It’s easy to just sink into the floor and not do anything, and the checklist hold you slightly accountable. Start off with more easily attainable daily goals (ex. today I will clean my desk) and then begin to add some things (ex. today I will clean my desk + bed).

Talk to people: they say this one helps the most, and I’m sure you know this. Think about how you’d feel talking to a stranger in a support group V.S a friend. If it sounds more appealing, you can take a step toward finding a free group/one you can afford. Hell, if you post this ask giving me the green light, I could even DM you if you’d like. We’re mutuals but we’ve never directly spoken

Know that maybe even a year from now, the grief can hit you in an unexpected way, and that’ll be okay. A close family member of mine died about 10 years ago and sometimes I wind up feeling sick with how much I miss them. I don’t think the feeling ever leaves, you just learn to sort of… accept that it’s there and always will be

And as everyone always says, be nice to yourself. Have a sweet treat. Try to go on a short walk around your block. Seek new emotional experiences— maybe go see a movie you’re excited about or rewatch one that you love. Pick up a hobby you haven’t recently indulged in and try it out again.

Grief is weird, and it sucks. But it’s natural and it’s okay to always feel a little bit sad over losing someone. I wish you nothing but the best.

thank u so much. i'm emotionally stunted asf too so the last three months has been absolutely crazy LMAO. i'll dump more dramatic stuff under the cut so ppl don't have 2 listen to my whining

but thank you. this means a lot to me, i'll fucking print this out n glue it to my screen to force myself to remember. feel free to dm me if you want, but only if you want to; i'll probably just bitch and sob and whine a lot, so don't feel pressured at all. listening to someone go on and on can be so mentally draining, but your offer means the world to me. thank u <3

but yeah, i heard that grief is just forever. i guess it's like mental illness in a way. it never goes away, but you learn to cope. i hope you have people there for you when you miss your family member.

TW DEATH!!! TALKING ABT DEATH1!!! SOIRRY!!!!

i was the one who found my mom dead so i feel like that just added another layer 2 the insanity. i forced myself to see her a few times before the cremation too, hoping it'll make everything click, but it's that adhd "out of sight out of mind" type beat. it makes grief so stupidly hard.

i've been the glue keeping my dad n bro together too. i still remember being the one to clean her fluids from the wall and the carpet while they sobbed and it was so fucked up. answering questions from the cops and paramedics. dealing with funeral arrangements.

my father and i found a fucking dent in the wall from where her head hit too. it's the fucking outside wall too, so she hit her head on it so fucking hard that the plaster came off. it breaks my heart. we had such a difficult relationship too so it just makes everything all the more painful. the regret is so real.

i found so much out about her too after she'd died. so many little things i could've used to talk to her, to bond, to help her. drives me up the fuckin' wall, man. makes me fucking crash out.

and not to sound like an idiot, but one of my guinea pigs fucking DIED like a few weeks after her too and it actually broke me LMAO. my mom bought those pigs, so to lose one of them just fucking shattered me.

even worse is that his brother doesn't give a shit, so i have one guinea pig who is absolutely thriving because he gets the entire room to himself now. (for anyone who knows my guinea pigs, IT'S DAVID THAT DIED. ELI LIVED. rip solid snake :( )

[polyamorouspunk]

kfbdmbddmnd I know its not sleepover fridays where you take these kinda of asks so you can either hold onto this until then or not, no huge deal, I just wanted to get this off my chest and im realizing this may sound incomprehensible lmao. so!

I may have issues with my first ever relationship, of any incredibly intimate/pseudo-romantic kind, and I’m worried that I may have fucked up.

I’m in a pretty heavy duty qpr with this person (if I had to call it anything it would be qpr, they’re more married to the term than I am.) and have been for about 7/8 months now. it was Incredibly Intense sparks between us, instant insanely high attachment insanely fast. they described our initial few conversations weeks after the fact as borderline spiritual, neither of us really believe in soulmates but they felt like they must have known me in a past life. we’re both polyamorous, and they’ve been engaged to someone else for quite a bit before they met me (for reasons, they’re on rocky-ish terms rn but still together), and one time they looked me dead in the eye and said if they weren’t already promised to someone they’d want to marry me. I have been this persons seemingly sole emotional rock this entire time, my dms are a dumping ground for everything from soul crushing existential dread and breakdowns to the newest fixation to the latest crushes.

at first I was on board with how fast we’ve been going, trying to match their energy. they have years more experience than I do with polyamory which initially I’ve been deferring to just like experience wise while I’ve just read more ethical non monogamy/polyamory theory. im on the aroace spectrum, ive been really up front with my stance on amatonormativity and that kind of thing, whatever pace works for us works we just gotta keep tabs on our comfortability and energy. but like. hm. it’s clear that I’m the one with all of the emotional maturity and regulation.

when they said they’d want to marry me when they were already engaged felt like a red flag at the time, esp since I knew that they were going through a rocky period with their fiancé. they started So intense So fast that. I sorta feel like it’s fucked with my brain chemistry. to the point where now I feel like hopping out the gate with “I must have known you in a past life” in this very “stay with me forever” sort of way while only really knowing each other for a Month is also sort of a red flag in hindsight.

now heres the thing though. I have been matching this intensity, learning new things about myself and how my own attraction works, but like, my trust will be broken by them somehow and I’ll plummet through almost half the stages of grief and have a Hell of a time trying to feel the same kind of close to them that we started out as, I explain my grievance, they have a breakdown why they’re a bad person I assure them this isn’t the case, we just gotta improve behavior, and then they’re back to normal.

there’s small things like us discussing relationship terminology, telling each other that partner sounds good, but then in public they introduce me as their friend. or asking for privacy concerning my mental health stuff I tell them and then later find out they told like 4 other partners and qpps with out me knowing.

or the larger things like one time I was depressed so we planned a date like 2 weeks in advance, talking about it basically every day. but the night before they had an impromptu one night stand with an acquaintance, spammed my messages with gushing about this new sort of relationship, how great the sex was, including pictures I Did Not Ask For, and how they’ve never felt this way before. I was initially surprised at this deluge of stuff but ok, I was feeling happiness for them, I do get a lot of compersion, but also felt it was a lil weird.

when we actually meet up, they spend the Entire date talking about this other person. Everything. Not once do they ask about my day or talk about anything else. at one point they start physically flirting with me but then get distracted with talking about how the other person would touch them and then said that they’re still worked up from them.

I am viscerally uncomfortable, almost dissociating. I try to change the subject and they just blithely switch it back to them after a few minutes. later when I told them about how this made me feel, they had a breakdown about how they’re a bad person and don’t respect anyone. which while empathetic, is unhelpful. I can’t comfort them through an issue I’m having with them.

so I guess my question would be how the fuck do I deescalate a relationship like this. I like them, I like spending time with them, but they don’t show me any thoughtfulness at all and my boundaries are encroached upon with zero self awareness.

Okay yeah so I’m sensing some like. I’m not going to say “borderline behaviors” because like there are a variety of mental illnesses that have similar symptoms, but as someone with BPD I’m going to say “bpd symptoms” because they’re similar to ones that I would have.

Anyone that uses “I’m such a bad person” is not in a good headspace. I don’t remember the last time I’ve gone on the “I’m such a terrible person” rampage but whenever it was it was because I was throwing a pity party and that is exactly what it is. No one who is throwing out the most guilt trip line of all time like that is in a good headspace or mature. Now I mean like I’ve said “what if I’m a bad person what if I need to be better” and that’s different. I’ve said that recently and it led to “maybe I should go back to therapy and work on myself” which wow wouldn’t you know it is exactly what I’m doing. Big difference between someone telling you you hurt them and going “IM SORRY IM SUCH A BAD PERSON” and going to your friends in private and being like “hey I don’t think I handled this as well as I would have liked in retrospect, could you maybe give your insight on what I could have done better and what I maybe handled appropriately given the situation, AITA or no?” Yk? Which is exactly what I did the night I went to 🔮’s bf’s party which was what then led her to saying she needed space from me so then I was like “hey here’s what happened did I do something wrong?” @ my friends in my server.

You can apologize without making it about yourself. You can say “I’m sorry” without taking on “I’m such a bad person”. I said sorry to 🔮 numerous times, asked if I could fix it, asked if I ruined it between us. But never did I say “sorry I’m just such a horrible person” because you know what I’m still trying to sell myself to this girl why would I say shit like “I’m such a bad person.” Like when someone tells you they’re a bad person they want reassurance they’re not because if you say “yeah you kinda are” then suddenly YOU’RE the shitty one but like yeah it’s really not a good move to trash yourself it’s a lot sexier to stand your ground and be like “I’m sorry this upset you and I’m willing to accommodate and change my behavior while staying true to me.”

It really seems like you were, at one point, just their newest obsession. And that they become obsessed with other people equally. It seems like you got sucked into their vortex, and it’ll be a lot more painful for you to get out than for them. It seems like you may have already tried to set boundaries (communicating that things upset you) and they were not well received (re: “I’m such a bad partner I’m so sorry” instead of “I’m sorry let me work on that next time”).

I’m not a spiritual person but I’m also not going to knock someone else’s spiritual beliefs so I don’t want to be like “man telling someone you must have known them in a past life sounds like it could be psychosis” but it sure is Coming On Too Strong™️. I mean, like I know that I come on too strong, but holy shit that is a whole ‘nother level. If it makes you uncomfortable to hear things like that, you are allowed to say that. Because I’m pretty sure that would make me uncomfortable personally.

Also the idea of being “promised to someone” in a nonmonogamous relationship is… sketchy… especially when they are telling you they want to replace that person’s role in their life with you… like that’s not healthy polyamory. Healthy polyamory is creating new roles for people in your life not replacing the roles people already fill with new roles while that person is quite literally still in that role.

If they’re telling other members of their polycule things you asked them to keep to themselves then they are once again not respecting your boundaries.

I understand that people can be really charming and draw people in (think of extreme cases like Manson and Bundy) and that it can be hard to escape that. It doesn’t sound healthy from the outside but I’m not one to be like “dump their ass” for advice. I’m just saying that you’re aware it’s kind of toxic and unhealthy, and obviously I don’t have both sides, but I can say as someone who does have BPD there is a world where you can have a partner with those kinds of issues and have a relationship that isn’t that toxic I swear. Like I was a lot worse than I am not and I got better, like there are plenty of more mild people out there who have the same issues but actually put in the effort to get better for those around them.

[alifitoc]

The Story of Barnaby Michaels - Part 1 of 2

Synopsis: The story of a traumatized, sociopathic, 26 year old law school grad Content warning: Murder, Mentions of Suicide, References to Pedophilia, Descriptions of violent acts, guns Word count: 1.3k

If there is one thing I have found that man does best, it is lie. To cheat and to steal, to put up facades and to obscure, that is the nature of the men I have seen, and undoubtedly will continue to be the nature of all men I do see. I myself am no exception.

My name is Barnaby Michaels, I am 26, and for all intents and purposes I am not a good man. Far from it, I am a manipulator, a cheat, a hack, a scoundrel, some people might even dare to call me “evil”. Though I pay no mind to it. To me it is all just what I am. Besides, we’re all like this, it’s just some choose to run from it, while others, like myself, embrace it.

I cling to my selfishness for no other reason than the fact that it is what has worked for the 26 years I have been alive. All four of my grandparents died before I was born so I had no elderly to listen to, I am an only child, so I had no brothers and sisters to collude with, and both of my parents were dead before I even turned 16. A shot to the head both times. Though my father preferred a shotgun over a revolver.

Now here I am. What do I do you ask? Well, after the violent and noisy deaths of my two heaven appointed – though now hell residing – guardians, I managed, somehow or other to finish high school, a year early at that, though of course I conscripted the help of a few notes outside of the standard curriculum. After that, to the shock of no one I’m sure, I resolved to become a lawyer. Like a moth to napalm.

So, I continued on my path towards the courts, utilizing much the same methods I used in highschool, and somehow always succeeding. Perhaps the devil is kinder to his patrons than god is to his servants. Lucifer may have beguiled some mortal men to sign over their souls but good old padre in the kingdom above has committed mass genocide as a reset button. Anyhow, after a good few years in a place filled with supposed adults, writing paper after paper, case study after case study, I got my license to practice.

It's been a year since then and while I don’t appreciate having to lick up to the dirty boots of the senior partners, as a first year there’s not much I can do. To pass the time, and to stop myself from committing mass assault, I commit murder.

Now, how pray tell does a 20 something, sociopath with a full-time white-collar job commit murder? Well, with the internet anything is possible. I simply go on to a variety of discord dating servers, under my false alias “Alice06uwu” and start playing the part of an underaged girl looking for “friends”. Eventually, one of these “friends” will come sliding into my DMs and from there it’s just a matter of time. All I have to do is type the proverbial phrase “do u want to meet up lol” and much like Eve when she saw the apple, they take the bite.

My first was a man named Kevin. He was 35, a typical age for someone with his “proclivities”, had black curly hair and was borderline obese. I told him that I had left the door open so that he could just waltz right in. I also assured him that my “parents” weren’t home at the time.

Sure enough he came wandering in.

“Alice, you there?” he said with a gleeful tint of joy in his speech.

I was behind him, wearing all black and hidden within the darkness of the lamp that I decided not to turn on. I saw him, with his green cargo pants and his black T-shirt that had some Japanese text written on the back. His shoes were beaten black and white sneakers, and his glasses square with thick green rims. He disgusted me, and so I attacked.

With a crowbar in hand I struck his temple from behind, Immediately he was on the floor. My strike left a minor gash in the back of his head where it oozed dark red. He was out, but not permanently. It sent shivers down my spine, my eyes widened, and my whole body was jittery, it felt as if my skeleton was jumping from within.

Is this what true excitement feels like? I thought to myself.

Usually, my mind is pretty calm and emotions are subdued, can’t feel much when you’ve lived a life like mine. But, finally at that moment, I felt a truly unimaginable thrill waft through my whole being. But, I had no time to reminisce about my new self-discoveries, and so I took some zip ties, rope for good measure, a blindfold, a chair, some tape, and got to work.

After 12 minutes and 32 seconds Kevin woke up.

He struggled against the steel chair, his tied-up arms writhing, and fists clinched. Unable to break free his feet then tried their hardest to push against the hemp, ultimately though he was only able to bounce the chair around a few inches. Back and forth he went, etching skid marks on the concrete floor below. With his mouth taped shut I was still able to hear his cries for help, but eventually after a few more minutes of this pointless exertion, he and all 250 plus pounds of blubber tired themselves out. Then there was silence.

I approached and placed my hand on the duct tape.

A quick tear, and then a violent scream followed.

“AAAH” He screeched.

Then the sound of his paradoxical breath filled the garage.

“Who are you? what do you want?” He shouted.

I remained silent. Though within me was an orchestra of exhilaration, it took all that I had at the time to hold myself to no words.

“Please, I’m sorry for being a creep, was she your daughter?”

His voice sounded like a grinder sawing through metal, its twang invoked within me terribly violent urges that ruined the elation I was previously feeling.

“I swear man, I wasn’t thinking straight, Alice invited me here, I wasn’t thinking of doing any weird shit I sw-”

“Shut the fuck up”, I interjected.

He froze with a slight yelp.

“Your voice is so fucking annoying that it’s ruined everything” I said with a low voice.

“What do you mean…Ruined?”

I circled behind him with my revolver in my hand. Much like mothers’ it was small, with an oak wood grip and a bright silver barrel. I placed it behind the wound made by my crowbar just a half hour ago and I cocked the hammer.

Click

Upon hearing this Kevin immediately squealed and began pleading.

“No, Please No”

“You gotta understand I’m not right in the head”

“I’m sick, I need to be locked up, in an insane asylum, in a ward”

I rested the muzzle to the back of his head.

“No no no no no, please”

“Just report me to the police please, there’s no need to do this”

“I don’t know why you’re doing all of this but I’m sorry man, I should have known better I-.”

Again I chimed in, unable to contain my irritation.

“Your voice is annoying, shut the fuck up”

He went mute immediately, before whispering to himself.

Seeing this, I decided enough was enough. My momentary joy had just been ruined by this idiotic pedophiles’ rambling, and I could not take it any longer. I shoved the gun into the cut, causing him to wince in pain.

I waited for a moment, after which he began sobbing. Tears flowed down his face, I could hear him choking down phlegm and snot. Within me a strange combination of satisfaction and extreme annoyance welled. I laid my finger on the trigger, while his face was covered in his own snot and tears, his feet and arms trembling, and his teeth and fists clenched, causing crimson to pour from his gums and palms. I put my earplugs in, before finally.

BANG

To which his body went limp, and all was quiet.

[lostsouls-house]

I was gonna say something angry but I realized quickly that that wasn’t what I wanted to say. As one of your ex friends I do care, I don’t check on your blog to see how you’re doing because I don’t care. Just because we’re not friends now doesn’t mean I don’t care now or didn’t care then. You’re free to delete this ask/ignore it but I just wanted to say my peace.

This took us weeks to sort our feelings on, so if you are checking Anon- I hope you see this.

First, let us say that we are not talking about anyone we still have as friends on Discord. We are talking almost exclusively about our former friends from the Survivor's Network, mostly mods.

If this is @circulars-reasoning , then you're right. You did care, and we thank you for that. We miss you, and we're sorry you get lumped in with the people you hang out with. We wish things could have been different, but they weren't. Whatever we say, it's not aimed at you. That said, we think it's time we talked about why we left in a more substantial presentation than vague posting. Because if this is a specific *dude*, then you should know how fucked up everything between us was.

Unfortunately, we only ended up modding for the Survivor's Network for a few months. When we joined, it felt like coming home. We had a brilliant mod team, we all had similar views and we worked very well together. We even got a new writing partner out of it. We were on top of the world. Working on the rules, creating a safe space and making things for the anti-endo community just a little more comfortable. Oh, and the voice chats! We had such a great time in those spaces. That's what we miss the most. But the atmosphere changed for us as our new Writing Partner began to enter awkward territory. We are no strangers to flirting and we are not opposed to enacting the rights of our open relationship, but this quickly became uncomfortable and emotionally manipulative. We have long been in silence as they are a huge name on Sysblr and were know no one would believe us over them. We do have receipts but for now we are choosing to keep them to ourselves. If the need is there, they will be released but we'd rather not have to paw through thousands of trumatic messages.

None of this is in any particular order, as our brain is very averse to revisiting the server these things happened in. But we do still have it, it and all the things said in it. We are going to place this list in bullet format and under a cut. You are welcomed to DM us any questions after this, but I doubt we will have straight answers as we're still scared to *actually* name them.

- Made our protective alter feel like a monster.

- Made us feel like we somehow cheated on them if we spoke in the SN before our private server.

- Used a situation I was venting about to try and make me feel bad after they "tried to help" by sending us a car part WITHOUT TELLING US. They used it to make us feel like we had done them wrong when we hadn't even known it was happening.

- Made our partner System feel like they were monsters.

- Tried to convince us that we were either ALL IN the relationship with this person, or all out. As in we either commit or we don't be friends.

- Pressured us to tell them any and every dark thing going on in our mind.

- Pressured us to make sure our protective Alter was never around when they were, shutting down to one word answers when certain alters would appear.

- Generally getting upset when we split new alters.

All of this and more in the space of three months. I cannot go back to the Survivor's Network because this personnas far as I know is still a mod there. They are older than me and manipulative as hell.

So if you *are* still watching my blog please note that your stupid little servers ended me in the hospital and into new psych treayment to deal with the scars you left.

We're are tagging this so it's seen. Ask us whatever, but I will not be giving a name until I can go through mentally and screencap everything. If you're asking yourself "Why now?"- It's because the alter that spit to protect us from this person finally gave us to okay. So here we are, telling the story. Believe me or don't I don't care.

[myearts-uwu]

Relating to the drama post I made a few days back but uh…

Somehow the flames got reignited and now my ex moot and a friend of hers are being really stupid by showing how aggressive they are on insta’s stories despite the ex moot saying that *she’s a victim* and “im not a bully i just want peace 🥺”

I have them both blocked thankfully but the way they’re going at all of this (that I only talked about like once this year and I have not once name dropped anyone) is god awful like they’re even dragging my close moots into it and calling us all pieces of shit.

For someone who wants peace, her calling me a piece of shit while her friend shares memes that depict some… lowkey aggressive stuff that very obviously is directed towards me is so telling of their true character.

I mainly got most of the info from some people who I deeply cherish who also happen to have been wronged so badly by these people and it sucks that they don’t seem to see that what they’re doing is bad? They constantly attack anyone and I mean ANYONE who has a different opinion on anything. I feel bad for my friends who most definitely had it way worse than me.

We’re all adults at this point and I swear the two of them are acting like immature kids with how they act online. Grow up man this is tiring.

I’m not sure if either of them has tumblr so they wouldn’t be able to see this. But unless SOMEHOW they did and if they are reading this right now, you guys are just downright awful people not only to me but to my friends.

Hell I don’t even feel bad about myself I’m just angry with the way you harassed my friends especially. From harassing them about the ships they like to just outright bothering them in their dms, idk how you guys are in higher education.

I’ve had you two blocked for a reason and yet you, the ex-moot, decided to use alt accounts to stalk my insta and Twitter and you dare message me saying that I should stop talking about you and that you’ve never once talked about me, which is a clear lie because I know you do. And you say you want peace sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case? You just don’t want me talking about this because it’ll ruin your reputation when you’re already doing it yourself.

Let me be clear. I’ve only talked about the drama since it happened only once. This year. And I have explicitly made sure to not drop in any names so no one who knew what happened in real time would know who these people are. And I apologise for calling you a certain b word but I’m sure you can handle it since you called me and my friends evil pieces of shit in your stories. Who knows what else you’ve been calling us in private.

And what’s so sad is that you guys say that we’re the bullies, the ones in the wrong for bringing up a situation from last year, when so far neither me or any of my friends have ever really fully exposed you or used our audience in public about what any of you have done (but we know. Oh we know) and yet here you are, practically digging your own graves by playing the victim card.

Grow up. I thought one of you was supposed to be the mature one here.

[jiminy-crickets]

👋 I just went to my first pride parade🎉

Notable events:

We heard two girls in different cars in the parade talking to each other before it started. “The titties are tittying. That’s my dyke. That’s my dyke.”

We saw a drag queen dresses as the statue of liberty (I can dm the picture if you want but there are other people in it even zoomed in. She wasn’t in the parade though, but I didn’t get any more pictures.

There was a homophobic man with no shoes on with his friend, and he was carrying a sign. Quotes from my friend’s sibling, “Guys guys it’s okay. I’m sure it’s just a paragraph on how much they love gay people.” “Oh it says Hell. Well it’s fine it could be… they like gay people there.” “Oh no guys. I think I was wrong. ‘Jesus saves from Hell.’ I was wrong. It’s fine. It’s fine.”

A lady in the parade and a lady watching the parade apparently do yoga together.

Another homophobic man and his son who clearly did not want to be there came up to us, and my friend’s sibling got us out by saying, “I think everyone here is a good person. We’re gonna go now.” [those were the only homophobes and they were all calm, and we had very few issues] also from my friend’s sibling, “My bad guys. I wasn’t sure if he was here to slay or…”

Lots of hot people.

Many hot people.

So many beautiful hot people.

Also hot people dancing to the Cupid shuffle and cha-cha slide.

I bought a pin and got some stickers. I had to go fishing back for the goose because I decided I could not live without it.

Also I’ve been prompted multiple times for a name[not by the same person just people have asked if there’s a name I’d like to be called], and I’ve been trying to pick something🥲 but I am bad at decisions. I’m fine with nightshade but also maybe Hearth? Or Cookie? One is already a nickname some friends call me but it seems unlikely that it would be a problem. Ollie is a cute nickname too idk help! What name fits my vibe?!

Ollie is cute, and Heath and Coolie are nice, I am partial to nightshade, or night, or shade, but that’s because I love your url.

The goose sticker is ADORABLE!!!

I’m obsessed with these dykes in cars, they seem very fun.

SHOELESS HOMOPHOBES????? Pick a struggle either be a homophobe, or be one of those barefoot enthusiasts.

Also omg statue of liberty drag queen????? Iconic I’d live to see her!

[apronapril]

Apron April: Full Main Story

This is the version that isn't separated by chapters!

PART ONE

Magical girls exist in some worlds. Magical girls do the good deeds for these worlds. But this is April who we’re talking about. Right, this girl… she’s so weird, but I can’t help but love her. She can barely spell words (I have no idea how she got into College), and she has no powers whatsoever! Her battle moves are kind of okay, but it’s depressing… she really does feel like an April Fool’s joke, at least 90% of the time. But how could you not love someone so precious?

applepie.com

@saintapril

Some people defy monsters who steal their belongins, or that ate their family or destroyed their hous. I am diferent. I defy the monsters that live within people. Whih monsters you ask/ Well, those that make you do dirty stuff, like leave your family or have a babies before marrige. And also I kill succubi and inccubi with my sword. Please click on this link saintapril.com/pricing so you can see my prices. I will do any job you need for just a few bucks. They don’t call me ‘Defier of all odds and crisis, April!’ for no reason ;)

My number is XX-XXX-XX. You can also DM me.

Please don’t prank call or call the cops on me again.

(I do not fight zombies or any kind of living dead creture!! Deal with that youself!!)

“So, how do you like it, May? Maaaay, I’m talking to you!”

“Huh?” I took off my earbuds and looked at her computer screen. “Well, there are some typos, but you’re advertising your services well.” It’s not like threats did exist… this silly April, what the hell was she even fighting? Lust? How could you fight that? But she swore to fight it forever. I guess I can’t help it. “Also, they don’t call you that… it’s ‘Apron April’, from the last advertisement you made at the public park.”

“Thanks, May… by the way, do you like my logo? I downloaded a very cute font!”

“I like it, April, but you wrote your name wrong… seriously, are you dyslexic or something?” Our days were always like that. She would made me help make up a costume for her, that honestly looked like was about to bake treats for her traditional husband. It was silly, but cute indeed. Well, she did look like a little treat in that, hehe. Although… her mind didn’t seem to comprehend that. April swore that “sexual desires” didn’t actually exist, and it was pure evil. As if… it’s not like she had never thought about it, right? Although the school we graduated from was quite… hm… religious… it never seemed to work for anyone else. She always said that “you can ‘do it’ with someone you love, but without dirty thoughts”. Which was impossible, right? I loved April… I’ve been loving her for so long. As a friend, mostly, but maybe as something else, too. She was stupid to trip on her own foot. I felt like protecting her against all evil, against everyone who made fun of her… but, at the same time, I wanted to make her bite her own tongue and swallow her words. I wanted to prove her wrong. After all, I knew how good of a liar she was. I had never told her - but I knew her every move, her every thought. I knew how she felt. I knew she was bluffing. Deep inside, she was just like anyone else. Some fucked up part of me wanted to strip her to that truth. I just had to hold back, and not do that. Right? We were April and May, after all. I couldn’t bear losing her to some stupid “I was right” thought.

She was looking at her computer, when she seemed surprised. I wonder what it was? She promptly showed me a message.

@christoph_er

Hello, St. April

I’ve been worried my girlfriend might be a succubus. She always invites me to the bed, well, sometimes it’s not even the bed, but the shower or sofa. We’re not married yet! I think she wants my young body, or my soul, or something like that. Could you do something?

@saintapril HELLO CHIRS

sorry caps

YES!! I can end that for you. please send me your adress and her descrpiton or picture. do you understand the 150 gold price is necessary? i need to dispose the body and it is heavy to carry.

@christoph_er

Sure, St. April. I’ll send you some pictures, and my address. Thank you.

@saintapril

ok. be there tomorrow by 2pm. lure her in!! woud you like to pay additional fee for cleaning?30 gold. let me know, crhis! as a garantee please send me half of the mony beforehand and the remainig after im done!! but bewre: this will kill her, chrsi. do you understand that?

@christoph_er

Hm, no… I’ll let the cleaning lady deal with that. Well, it’s a deal, then. I’ll pay you right away. And, yeah, I don’t mind if she dies.

@saintapril

AWEOSOME!!!! THANKS FOR BEING MY FIRST CLIENT. WILL NOT DISAPPINT!!!

“God, you’re really doing that, April?”

“Yeah!! I need to clean this world, May!” It made me uneasy… but, she would probably fail, right? She was dumb, and her body was so fragile… stupid April…

The next day, it was about four PM when April arrived at the apartment we shared. She was fucked up. There was blood all over her… some scars. But she had the dumbest grin on her face! She was so happy.

“I did it, May! I ended the succubus!”

“Oh…” I was quite speechless. Well, that succubus was not actually dead, but surely was going to be in trouble in the underworld. April looked at me, with her silly little eyes. I heard her inner voice say: “Why isn’t May praising me?”… ugh, that girl… I petted her head, and told her to shower.

As she left, and I was with only myself, I could see my reflection in the glass. It was looking at me with eyes that pierced my own soul. I told myself, “make her eat her own hypocrisy.” I shook my head. She was stupid, indeed, but she was my precious April! I wouldn’t hurt her, by any means… unless… if I didn’t hurt her to the point it made her stop, someone else would hurt her… she was a mortal, after all… as I was finishing cleaning the kitchen, I pondered what was the closest thing to the sanest option, and maybe I could try that….

PART TWO

I thought about it almost too hard. I had to come up with a good plan… it was for her own good, for the world’s own good. Right? I tried justifying my actions. So I started doing it… for April’s sake, I had to stop her somehow.

“MAAAAAAAY!!” We were walking through campus, when she yelled that loudly.

“What happened?”

“L-look!” She showed me a couple, kissing… no, it wasn’t just “kissing”, it was full on “making out”. The two boys didn’t seem to mind it. Well, April was a somewhat conservative, but it was different from usual. Let me explain. She was fine with all kinds of love and identities. What she didn’t like was, in her words, ‘filth’. She said it was unnatural (although it’s not) and that it should be stopped. It didn’t matter to her if it was two boys, two girls, a boy and a girl or whatever else: the fact they were horny mattered to her. Well, that was a case of a simple aphrodisiac spell I had cast early on. Nothing too crazy, they would keep it in their pants for a while, if they weren’t too bold. But for April, it was too much to kiss like that (as they were, more like eating each other’s tongue than kissing). She went there, waving her little arms, separating the two boys. Thankfully, they just yelled at her instead of calling the police — like it had happened before.

We kept going with our day, without a lot happening. But she had a troubled look on her face. In the cafeteria, I cast the same spell again, and another couple was getting a little… nastier? God, I didn’t feel happy about that, okay? But it was, in a way, my own nature. I loved seeing her get all red and mad. Still, what I wanted the most, was to show her she was just like them. But I couldn’t just use a spell on her… it had to come naturally. I would do it somehow. Just think, May… that time, she tried using her sword, which scared the hell out of the couple. She was happy, so… no, wait! May! That’s no good! Ugh…

So… should the enemy threaten her somehow? I know everything about April. It’s easy to infiltrate… but it’s not easy to be “the other one” if she wants me by her side. So, I sent a message to her, from a very awkward applepie profile I created. I chose a random ass name, Lya, and typed out something that I thought wasn’t that bad.

@lya69696969

April… you, who claim to be a saint, shall fall like every other human. I will not spare your soul, but I will expose it, so everyone can see clearly what you’re made of. You messed with the wrong thing, girl. You shall suffer the consequences, and will taste your own blood very soon. I will bewitch people around you, from the ones you don’t care about to the ones you love the most, and everyone will show how dirty they actually are. It will be unbearable, to the point you will have to surrender. And then, I win.

Was it too creepy? Too cringy? Would she buy it? Two minutes after I sent it, she came running to my room. I was in my so-called ‘dad shorts’ and a random rock T-shirt, no bra. One may say: why would that be important? Well, because I can hear her thoughts. She came to tell me about the new threat, but all I could hear was some kind of… gasping…? I didn’t think I looked that hot, although I had just showered and my hair was a little wet. But, as much as her little mouth was so against any kind of ‘unholiness’, her mind seemed to think otherwise. I hated that someone so easy to read could play pretend like that. Was she that unaware of herself? If I had questioned my methods before, I started believing them even more.

“May… I need to save the world from this demon!”

“Yeah, sure.” I was unamused, like always.

“Come on! Can’t you show more excitement?” Hmm… I could hype her up, but I was getting a little tired. I petted her head again. She thought something like ‘please touch me more, May’…

“Aren’t you scared, April? You’re just human, after all.”

“I have a passion, May… and I’m, like, the main character, right?” She looked at me with a dumb face. I mean, well, yeah, if it was a movie she would be in the title, but it would be something like… April & May or whatever.

“Don’t push it. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt, April.” We both sat down.

“May…” She looked at me with sweet eyes… how she changed… it was kind of annoying sometimes that she could be the stupidest and the prettiest girl ever. “You wouldn’t let that happen, right?”

“W-what?! Well, I’m telling you!! Give up on that.”

“But I can’t give up now… there’s someone after me.”

“M-maybe if you said, ‘I’m not against it anymore’, they wouldn’t mess with you, right?”

“May…”

“Yes?” She looked at me very seriously.

“Are you stupid?” Wow. Now, that was unfair. “You can’t deal with demons like that…! Besides… people will suffer if I don’t do anything.” She was right, kind of. I had dug my own grave. “You’ll be with me, right, May?” She intertwined our fingers… why did it feel like that? At times when my own thoughts seemed more like random scribbles, I could barely read her mind…

“I-I… don’t know, April. Seems like it’s your mission. I will be waiting for you to come back each day.”

“That’s enough, then. Because you’re my precious May.” I felt bad, for a moment. Should I confess? “But I also couldn’t bear if this person attacked you… what if they made you act weird, or say filthy things…” Never mind… I hate that. Come on! Someone who looks at my boobs all the time, should actually act like sex is evil?

“You’ll do something, right?” I wanted to tease her.

“I’ll fight it to the end, May.”

“Oh…” I wanted to be mean, but I couldn’t do it face to face.

“Because I love May so much, I can’t have her hurt by any means.”

“I appreciate that, April… I love you so much, too.” That was true, though. I loved her more than anything else. Somehow, we fell to our backs, still holding hands.

“When it all ends, and I defeat this person, and I bring peace to the world… I want you to do something for me.” We looked at each other, it felt so sweet. I wish things were secrets and surprises to me, but my own nature deceived me once again. Her words were clear in her little head: “stop being my friend and become my wife”.

I wanted to hear that from her own mouth, with her own voice… and it hurt, because now we were enemies. I didn’t stop to think before, that she would eventually know it was me, and that she could hate me. It didn’t matter how much I loved her, we were enemies now. I was stabbing her back, while she smiled at me. I was the worst.

“Well, I think I’m off to sleep… I need to be prepared for tomorrow.”

But, for some odd reason, I wanted to destroy that facade. Would that mean I would destroy our relationship? That I would destroy April herself? If I was smart, I would say, “hey, it was me. It was a silly joke, please ignore that.”, and come up with another way of having her to stop the magical girl thing. Still, I was me. So I went with it.

PART THREE

April had become worse. I felt dumb, somehow, as if my plan was not as perfect as I thought it to be. Still… I couldn’t back down. I couldn’t just pretend nothing was happening!! Well… could I? It still felt weird, being by her side, but not on her side.

We had a broken lamp (it was all April’s fault, and I’d rather not comment on that, from my own sanity), so we went shopping for a new one. We decided to get some other stuff for our home, too… like, they were all on sale, so why not?

“May, May, this is so you!” April pointed to a… I didn’t understand what it was… it was kind of an animal, or some creature, wearing a tuxedo and a hat. This is because I, when we graduated from high school, was in a very butch phase and I couldn’t bear to wear a dress. So I wore a suit instead. She insisted, every time anyone else worse a suit, that “it looked so much like me”.

Still, she was happy while shopping, so I was happy too... If it wasn’t for that. Well, let me explain. My origins are from the underworld, of course, but that’s a secret. I’m not in touch with my family, so I never “learned” to tame my powers, it just happened quite naturally. But it seems that, when I’m careless or distressed, my powers are activated against my own will. So, it has happened quite a few times that I accidentally triggered April’s anti-unholiness nature… without actually wanting to do it. (People seem happy before she starts to beat them up, though). The more I think of it, the more I realize… we should both be in jail.

“Whoa, May, who’d think that if you buy a lot of little things that cost 2 to 8 golds, it would add up to almost a hundred?”

“Well, anyone who knows math? Do we need these trinkets, April? Do we really need them?”

“It’s a good decoration. Besiiiiiides, look at this!” She showed me a little saint. “Isn’t it just like me?” I also saw her grabbing that weird animal thing. Was she really going to pair them up? We were about to pay, when:

“Uh-oh, May…”

“Yes?”

“I forgot my wallet.” She said as she was furiously searching her bad. She was kidding, right? I wasn’t gonna pay for all of that trash…

“Can you pay?”

“No.”

“Pleeeeease, I’ll pay you back!”

“In the 14 years I’ve known you, you’ve never paid me back!”

“Well, that’s in the past, May… I promise I’ll pay this time. Pleeeeease!!” I sighed… people were looking, I hated the attention.

“Ugh, fine…” I paid. It was stupid, I know, but she was my weak spot. Her little smile, her fang-like teeth showing…

We left the store, with bags that were way too heavy.

“So, where are we having lunch?”

“At home. I’m not paying for your lunch, y’know?”

“You’re so mean, May…” Still, she held onto my arm.

“I’m not your rich husband.” She giggled.

“It’s kind of like that, though.”

“Well, I’m not rich! I work hard for the little I earn!”

“You won’t deny the husband part?” I looked at her, and sighed again.

“Nope.”

“That’s good to hear, May.”

“I’m not a man, though.” I looked at her, who was still giggling.

“I know. It’s better that way.” I wonder what that meant. April wasn’t the kind of girl that would be proud to date another girl… if anything, it would be a secret. As much as I loved her, I wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship.

“I love you a lot, May.” I thought I was reading her thoughts again, but it was her mouth moving.

“D-don’t say it here…” Again, people were looking. April surely stood out.

“You don’t love me back?”

“I just spent all the money I had for the weekend on you and your dumb stuff. I think that’s enough proof.”

“Right, right…” Were we flirting? Were us two just friends getting along? The more I loved her, the more I hated her. My heart was confused and my blood, starting to boil.

After we went home, ate and did our chores, April was watching a movie when I told her I had to leave. I went to an old hiding spot that was under my family’s possessions (and I needed magic to see and enter the place). I started thinking about what could be done that day. I put on a mask, a dress that was way too unlikely for May to wear, and convinced myself I was someone else.

I left with another spell in mind… it was the weekend, so the clubs and bars were full. It was perfect for me to do something. I planned to just make people a little frisky… but, accidentally, I got a little stressed and ended up worsening the spell. Was there so much hatred inside my heart? Anger? Lingering? Yearning? What was it that made someone so self-composed to lose herself?

It took a few minutes, but there was a news coverage there. People were acting crazy, when I meant to make them just a little out of their minds, I actually made them extremely angry. They were fighting. She seemed to have heard the news, because in moments, she was there. It was when we met face to face for the first time. I was scared, but I looked different… the mask, the dress, I also had a wig on, my voice sounded deeper and wouldn’t give up on using my powers.

“You! Stop doing it!” Actually, I couldn’t… I didn’t know how to stop messing up… still…

“Hahahaha! You moron… you can’t defeat me!” Come on, I had to think of all of those magical girl anime and superhero movies I genuinely despised too much… how could I act like a villain when it was so cringy that I wanted to curl up and die?

“Why are you doing this?” She couldn’t fly, then she ran. She had no powers, so she just… fucking used a hammer against my head? Well, good I was prepared and drank a strength potion, but… whoa, it still hurt, even if I took little damage from it. “I hate you, and I hate everyone who is evil and dirty!”

We had quite a gruesome fight. I hurt her, too… it was like… I didn’t have my own reasoning anymore. I hated her at that time… it wasn’t the April I loved, it was someone against me. So we fought, and fought, until she broke the mask. I had to back down. I hurriedly left the scene, the last thing I saw was some blood on her face. I had done that to her? I didn’t know…

I healed myself, no marks, no signs… but, damn, it hurt. I went home and she wasn’t there yet. I waited, and waited, until I fell asleep on the sofa. What were we, even? Fucking best friends who said “I love you”, and yet, had a relationship that would never bloom? Or… enemies, trying to kill each other?

What was my motive again? What was I trying to do? Did it matter that her own motives were dumb as hell? Us… as simple as that, it would never come to fruition, right? Maybe we were better off as enemies. I though… “I’ll end everything I have with her, and I’m going to fight her ‘till the end…”, when she arrived home. Again, she had a grin on her face.

“May… here, from earlier today.” She gave me back the money. Why was April so fucking unfair?

“You’re all hurt…” And I had done that. I was so much stronger, I was so much more powerful… She went to the kitchen (part of our small apartment) and started boiling some water. I went after her and hugged her from the back.

“Promise me, April, you won’t get hurt again, please…” I cried like a baby as I hugged her deeply. I knew I would end up killing her if she didn’t back down.

“I can’t, May… I swore to the people I would protect them from that monster.”

“April…”

“It’s okay!” She turned her back and gave me a thumbs up. Still, I looked depressed as hell. “I won’t die.”

“You’re not immortal, you know, April… you’re just human.”

“We’ve talked about this before.” She continued to ignore my begging. There’s nothing I can do, I guess…

I helped her clean herself, gave her some pain medicine, put band-aids on her cuts… after a full day, she went to bed. No matter the problem, April would always sleep peacefully.

“I love you, May, because you’re so pure to me.” I wanted to die. Not only was I trying to kill her, what I actually wanted our relationship to be was so dirty… I felt like we had some kind of disconnection, maybe my own magic powers were fucked up, but I felt like I suddenly couldn’t read her mind anymore. Or, that there was nothing left there. Knowing April, it could’ve been that. Haa… who am I trying to fool by making jokes at this point… I’m such a jerk. I’m sorry, April.

To worsen my guilt, when I couldn’t sleep, April invaded my room at night.

“Yes?”

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Nope… I was on my phone.”

“It’s almost 3AM, though.”

“You know I have trouble sleeping…”

“Yeah… can I come?”

“Of course.” I put my phone aside, and she joined me in bed.

“I dreamed of you, May…”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I was in a lot of danger, and you came to save me. Although you say you don’t want me to do this, and that it’s too bad, you wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me, right?”

“I… wouldn’t.” I lied. Oh… I had become such a terrible being.

“That’s why I love May so much.”

“You say that, April, but you don’t mean it, right?” I thought… maybe if I made April hate me, maybe if she found me gross, she would leave, and I wouldn’t have to pretend to be a good friend.

“Of course, I mean it!” She held my hand. “Ever since we met, I’ve loved you, May… because we’re April and May, right? You’re the only one who seems to understand me, and you support me in your own way…” It hurt so much, and I couldn’t even know what was on her mind. I didn’t know what she was going to say. I didn’t know what she thought, deep down.

“Still… friends don’t say that kind of stuff.” Maybe they said, but I wanted to annoy her.

“Then, maybe we shouldn’t be friends, May.” She gave me a sweet look. “Maybe we’re something else. Something so pure, no one could ever destroy.”

Again, I had failed… the words I wanted to hear for so many years were now things I despised. I had an internal battle, and I would lose it either way.

“April…”

“Maybe we should get married or something.” I looked at her, speechless. “Well, you have to go out first, and then marry, right?”

“Kinda how it goes, yes.”

“So, do you want that?” I had to say no. By all means, I had to say no.

“Yes.” Fucking bitch.

So, this is kind of how April and I were finally going out… and, also, on a mission to kill each other.

PART FOUR

So, April and I were dating somehow? Holding hands was okay. Hugging was okay. We hadn’t kissed yet, because, in her words, “You should kiss during the wedding day”. As much as I hated the situation I put myself into, that’s what I’ve always wanted, right? Was I really that bad? → Yes, I was. This specific day, I wanted to buy myself some underwear, since everything was so worn out already. My back was killing me, and it could be from all the fighting and how badly I slept, but my boobs could also be the problem. Thus, we went shopping.

It had been so long since I had last listened to her thoughts. I thought it was gone, completely gone, but when I entered the fitting room, I heard some weird voices, almost like screams. Was it her? It made me giggle a little. I asked her if she wanted to see if it fit well — not even thinking a lot about it. She entered the little place, and we were face to face. April was a few inches shorter, but our eyes still met.

“So…”

“It’s… pretty, May. You’re pretty.” We were both really red… it was awkward.

“T-thanks…” April was clumsy, to the point she tripped and fell on her own. That day, it was no different. Somehow, in a matter of seconds, we were both on the ground. Her hands holding for dear life on my breasts. What the…? I could hear a crazy, inner monologue. She ran from the room, and we met after, when I went to purchase it → by the way, it was a simple gym bra.

After that, I stopped hearing her inner voice, but it was fun that I hadn’t lost the ability entirely.

It had been… what… a few weeks, yeah, since all of that. Since we first fought, since we started going out… April, who was seen as a weirdo, now was seen quite more like a… well… hero? People still called her ‘Apron April’, but with more love.

I was feeling lost… torn between being the best girlfriend I could, to being the one to bring her demise. I was a demonic creature, after all, and April was just a saint in play-pretend. We would fight, and I would always come up with excuses for why I wasn’t there. April being a fool helped a lot, too, because she didn’t seem to notice… or, maybe… she would never think I, out of everyone else, could be a villain. That’s what I thought.

We met after a fight ensued downtown. I, with my dumb costume on, April, with the dumber one. She was actually becoming good at fighting me, and I had to use more and more magic to be able to defeat that stupid 108lb girl, when I was almost double her size! Well, it went like this: we started fighting → she yelled nonsense → I got angrier and angrier → she took A GIANT PAIR OF SCISSORS OUT OF NOWHERE??? WHERE DID SHE EVEN BUY IT??? → she tried to cut my neck???? → she ended up ripping my dress → I had my upper body exposed. At that moment, she fell silent. And she looked at me, in utter despise.

“May?” WHAT? How could she… I messed up the spell that kept me in the air, and fell down. She went after me. “Is it you?” She tried taking the (new) mask off, but I held her wrists tight.

“N-nonsense…”

“I know it’s you, May, of course I know.” I was ashamed, so I took off the mask, revealing my bare face.

“How do you know?”

“Well, your boobs… there’s no way I couldn’t tell they are yours.” She looked and sounded serious as fuck, so I knew she wasn’t joking for sure.

“You look at them too much for someone who claims to hate sex!” I yelled.

“I don’t hate sex! I hate filth! You know that better than anyone else!”

“Well, guess what? I’m filthy, and you’re filthy, April! No one is safe from that! We all think of that kind of stuff!” We were yelling at each other, as if we were in our own world.

“I don’t!”

“You don’t? Many times, I’ve read your mind, and I heard your dirty thoughts, April! You’re a hypocrite!”

“That’s why you’re doing all of this?” I came to my senses.

“Well… kind of.” It’s embarrassing to say. “You’d always say these stupid things, and then you started to fight people being happy… it annoys the hell out of me!”

“Do you think that’s fair, May? Fight me like that?”

“It’s not like words alone work on you!”

“What even are you? You’re not human, right?”

“I’m part of the underworld… obviously…”

“All of this time, you’ve deceived me?”

“Listen, I was trying to do something for your own good! B-but it became so heavy I couldn’t hold it with my own hands anymore… I’m sorry, April…” It came from the bottom of my heart.

“So, I’m the villain, May? Because I’ve never seen it that way. You know why I hate it when humans surrender to their desires, right? That’s why my mom left for that young guy, and my father couldn’t take it.” Well, I knew that, but her world view had become so weird that I forgot about that.

“It’s not like you’re the villain… but you can’t punish people for doing this kind of stuff.”

“What about the demons, the succubi?”

“Well, they’re not that bad, you know? They’re kind of like family to me, so it makes me mad that you’re hurting them, too!”

“Fine… I get that.” April fell silent for a moment. “I guess you’re right, May. Then, if I’m the villain… what the hell is that behind you?” I looked in that direction, and there was a huge monster behind us. We looked at each other, with a lot of fear in our faces. I’ve studied about monsters, I’ve defeated them, I’ve befriended them… but I’ve never seen that. It was like a huge black fog, but it seemed to have a solid body. It had a creepy smile, and soul-piercing eyes. I gasped… April held my hand. “I hate you so much right now, May, but I’ll love you forever. Can we finish fighting after we kill whatever this is?”

“Y-yes, April… I love you, too.”

It seemed like the monster had gotten less scary. April jumped in the air, and went for its guts. The sword entered the thing, but it didn’t seem to damage it. I didn’t get it. It slapped her, and she fell to the ground. I went to her rescue.

“Ughh… May, we’re done… this thing is so much bigger than us.” April looked really hurt and defeated. She nervously laughed. “If we die, I just want you to know that… I understand I am just like everyone else… I just don’t know how to deal with that. I’m afraid, May. All I’ve learned my whole life was that it was bad… how could I not fight it?” That was it. We needed to fight ourselves.

“April, I’m really sorry. You’re going to have to be strong.” I faced her, and gasped again. She was about to say something, when I kissed her deeply. I had closed my eyes, but I slowly opened them and checked our surroundings. It was indeed getting weaker. As I ended our so-wished kiss, she brought her hands to her mouth… but she didn’t seem to hate it entirely.

“May…”

“Do you get it now? We have to fight what’s within. We have to be honest. I know it’s hard, so I’ll start… the reason I lied to you about my origin, is that I knew about how your family was a family of monster hunters. I wanted to be your friend, because I used to resent being from the underworld so much… but as I grew, I realized it was a part of me, just as loving you was a part of me too.” I looked at her, forgetting about everything else. She seemed to understand what I meant.

“May, I… feel things for you, sometimes… I want to touch you, and want you to touch me. But I’m afraid we’re going to hell for that.”

“Well, I was born there… it’s not that bad, you know. Just a little cold.”

“It’s not burning hot?”

“Nope.” We were laughing, and we looked at each other again, soon joining our foreheads, and then we went for another kiss. I think April threw everything she knew away, and deepened our kiss. I was happy, finally happy. I could feel the monster dissipating, the fog going away… and we were, once again, April and May. As we separated:

“Do you hate me, April?”

“Well… I can’t say I’m not mad, May… but I think we can overcome this, right?”

“Yes. So, now that it’s over, do you want to-” As I was speaking, a guy interrupted me.

“Hey, you two? You’re under arrest.”

Apparently, people ‘liked’ April because I had accidentally bewitched them into liking her, while my own feelings of wanting to be with her overflowed. You couldn’t actually just beat the shit out of people for making out on campus. And I was considered a monster, to put it simply, and what I had done was against the conduct code. While some monsters could co-exist with humans, we had to abdicate magic and visiting the underworld.

We spent the night in jail, and in the next day, when her dad came to “rescue” us. He was quite an influential man, and he convinced them I would be educated in order to not do that anymore. We had to swear we wouldn’t carry weapons anymore, that we wouldn’t fight, and that we would never wear those clothes again. And so we did.

After about a whole afternoon of scolding, we were back at our apartment. I didn’t really know what to do, and I think neither did April.

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked while I was, once again, cleaning her skin… this time, it was mostly the monster who did it and not me. It still hurt, though.

“Hm… I don’t know… but, like, take-out, right?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t wanna cook today and if you try to cook we’re going to jail again.” We laughed, and then she said “ouch”, because it still hurt a fucking lot.

“May… you could have talked to me, you know.”

“Well, I guess I couldn’t. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay… I’m also sorry, for never being honest. I mean…” She held my hand. “Until now…” She gave me a look I have never seen before, and then looked to the side. I wondered what it meant for a moment, and then I said:

“Do you want to postpone dinner a little bit?”

“Yes.”

We were finally happy and satisfied after that. ♡

END OF MAIN STORY

Author’s comment: Hello! I had envisioned this because I wanted, like, to parody the genre. The whole idea actually came from listening to a stupid song, from a yuri couple I like a lot… it’s very obscure, so most people might not know. I’ll tell you if you ask~. I have some trouble trying to finish series, so this might come off as rushed, but it’s as good as it could ever be. If you feel interested in drawing these characters, please ask me about better descriptions, and I’ll tell you exactly how I imagine them. Also, if this, somehow, gets a little following, I will write more about them! I can think, now, of a few things I could use these characters for, thus, tell me if you’re interested! (Also, I might just write a NSFW short chapter, too.)

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