#hell half of them don't have dads either

[spinji]

I think Horikoshi is allergic to letting the movie characters have moms.

[sunrizef1]

imgonnagetyouback

Pairing: Lando Norris x Fem!singer!reader

Warnings: Cursing

Authors note: I guess I lied about the Lando thing… this songs just so Lando I can’t explain it and I’m actually obsessed with this song rn. You probably have to at least know the premise of the song to understand the second half of this.

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

📍New York, New York

liked by maxfewtrell taylorswift and 13,998,887 others

yourusername hello, New York!

tagged: taylorswift

Load comments…

user1 my fav

user2 love her

user3 so pretty 🤩

taylorswift 🩵

yourusername 🤭💋

user4 welcome to New York, so real

user5 I miss Lando

user6 hi queen!!!

user7 new music when

user8 “I love NY not you” lmao Lando get up

user9 now why in the world did max like this

user10 and now Lando will post an Instagram story of him partying with some random girl to prove he’s having more fun than y/n is, we know how this goes

user11 you can not tell me they don’t miss each other

sabrinacarpenter pretty 🤩 🤩 🤩

yourusername no u 💋

user12 I just need a video of her English ass trying to navigate new York please and thx

maxfewtrell hey bestie!

yourusername oh my god get out of here

user13 wtf is max doing 😭😭

gracieabrams I ❤️ u

yourusername 🥰

oscarpiastri hi

yourusername hi?

———————————————

landonorris added to their story

user14

Now wtf

user15

user10 was right

user16

Alright ig

oscarpiastri

oh okay

MESSAGES

INSTAGRAM

yourusername added to their story

oscarpiastri

Still can't believe you convinced me to do that

yourusername

You'll be fine, ill get you concert tickets

can't even tell its you either

oscarpiastri

fine

they better be vip

yourusername

Dw they will be

—————-

maxfewtrell

???

yourusername

Dw its just Oscar

maxfewtrell

Jesus i cant believe you

yourusername

He started it. This is the first time I've included a guy in my posts, landos been doing it for months

maxfewtrell

you're gonna be the death of me

yourusername

💋💋💋💋

maxfewtrell

take care of yourself though y/n

yourusername

I am

Thx tho max 🫶

maxfewtrell

Yeah yeah 🙄

——————————————

yourusername

📍Paris, France

liked by charles_leclerc oscarpiastri and 21,008,771 others

yourusername I can tell when somebody still wants me

load comments…

user17 oh yay they're gonna sneak diss in their Insta captions again

user18 I miss dad ☹️

user19 she's so pretty omg

maxfewtrell oh wonderful we’re doing this now

yourusername leave

user20 lando its your turn

user21 IM IN LOVE WITH HER

charles_leclerc I'm amused

yourusername congrats

user22 they're so messy I love them

oscarpiastri great he's about to drag me into doing something stupid because of this

yourusername that is not my problem

user23 I sense new music coming along

user24 I do genuinely think he still wants her lowk

user25 they want eachother, don't lie. Its defo mutual

user26 😍😍😍

taylorswift 🤩

yourusername 🥰

jackantonoff 🤪

liker by yourusername

user27 why is jack here???? New music???

————————————————

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell martingarrix and 12,008,998 others

landonorris I have what I want

load comments…

user28 oh… yay

user29 🤩🤩🤩

user30 say what you want about their shitty personalities but they sure do know how to make an aesthetic post

user31 the shade is immense

maxfewtrell im nauseous

landonorris 👍

user32 they’re so into each other it’s actually insane

user33 OH MY GOD WE GET IT YOU MISS EACHOTHER

user34 🤩🤩🤩

user35 he’s so fine

user35 LANDO-

user36 now what’s y/n gonna do

user37 how long until they both apologize and get back together… these are not the posts of people who have healthily moved on from their previous relationship

user38 fine as hell lowk

oscarpiastri this is 100% the most healthy way to handle this

landonorris I didn’t ask

user39 all of their friends are so annoyed and it’s so funny

———————————————

yourusername added to their story

maxfewtrell

Is this a song where you admit you’re still in love with Lando so you both can finally get over your emotional immaturity???

yourusername

kinda

maxfewtrell

Oh fr?

I thought you’d just be mean to him for the whole song

yourusername

Uhhh-

——————————————

yourusername

liked by sabrinacarpenter taylorswift and 21,000,111 others

yourusername imgonnagetyouback out now 🩶

Load comments…

user40 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK

user41 oh my god it’s so good

user42 LANDO GET UP

user43 THE CAPTION FROM PARIS WAS A SONG LYRICCCCC

user44 oh so she’s still in love with him

user45 “you were never not mine” 💀

user46 I CAN FEEL IT COMING HUMMIN IN THE WAY YOU MOVE

user47 PUSH THE RESET BUTTON WERE BECOMING SOMETHING NEW

user48 SAY YOU GOT SOMEBODY ILL SAY IVE GOT SOMEONE TOO

user49 EVEN IF ITS HANDCUFFED IM LEAVING HERE WITH YOU

user50 “I’m an Aston Martin” okay lance strollll

oscarpiastri “I’ve got someone too” no you do not 💀

yourusername oh my god shut up

user51 she’s still in love with him dhmu

maxfewtrell when I asked if this was going to be emotionally healthy and not a diss I can now see why you were conflicted…. Bit of both tbh

yourusername 🫶

maxfewtrell 👎

user52 told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same 😭

user53 SO GOOD

user54 WHETHER IM GONNA BE YOUR WIFE????

——————————————

landonorris added to their story

maxfewtrell

…

what does this achieve

landonorris

What do you want

maxfewtrell

Mate come on

you’re still obviously in love with her

and the song litteraly shows she’s still in love with you

all you’ve done is post a thirst trap of yourself with song lyrics on top

landonorris

It’s not a thirst trap

maxfewtrell

I hate both of you

text her mate

you’re happier together

And I’m tired of both of you annoying the shit out of me

landonorris

Fine

Maybe I will

maxfewtrell

Thank god

It’d be the first time you listened to me

—————————————

MESSAGES

INSTAGRAM

yourusername added to their story

maxfewtrell

That better be Lando or so help me god

yourusername

Calm your tits

It is

maxfewtrell

YEAHHHH

Finally

I can stop playing matchmaker

yourusername

😒😒😒😒

————————————————

oscarpiastri

Oh so this means you’ll both stop dragging me into your dumb shit

yourusername

🖕🖕🖕🖕

oscarpiastri

🫶

———————————————

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

landonorris

liked by yourusername maxfewtrell and 13,001,881 others

landonorris told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same

load comments…

user55 YEAHHHHHHH

user56 Y/N LIKED WE’RE SO BACK

user57 my favs

user58 my parents are back together 😭

user59 unlike your real ones

user58 woah???

user59 🤷‍♀️ it’s the truth

user60 I missed them so much 😭😭😭

user61 admitted you love your ex-gf on main, this is self-improvement

yourusername pick your poison, babe

landonorris I’m poison either way

user62 I appreciate the repeating lyrics at each other because it is cute but those are not the kindest lyrics to be repeating 😭

user63 who knew that shit-talking your ex in a song could get him to re-admit his love for you

maxfewtrell took you long enough

landonorris legitimately who asked you

maxfewtrell I’m the reason this even happened in the first place. Watch your tone.

landonorris thanks i guess

maxfewtrell “I guess” @/yourusername this is how happy he is to have you back

yourusername landoooo

landonorris sorry. Thank you so much max, I’m so grateful you brought the loml back to me.

maxfewtrell you’re welcome ☺️

—————————————

yourusername

liked by landonorris maxfewtrell and 20,887,991 others

yourusername got you back

load comments…

user64 she got him back 🥹

user65 YEAHHHHH LFG

user66 awwwww

user67 I love them so much

user68 sleeping on the highway tonight 🫶

oscarpiastri 🥳🥳🥳

liked by yourusername

user69 these pictures are so cute oh my god 😭

user70 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK

landonorris you decided wether you’re gonna be my wife or smash up my bike yet?

yourusername still not sure… maybe both 🤔

user71 BOTH?????

user72 YEAH YEAH THATS FUNNY AND ALL BUT SHE JUST SAID SHE’D MARRY HIM

maxfewtrell congratulations nerds

yourusername thanks mate

user73 I’m in love with both of them

user74 they’re both so much happier together I really hope they stick this time

user75 and when she releases a love album then what

landonorris ily 🫶

yourusername ily2 🫶

user76 Jesus Christ they’re such teenagers 😭 USE FULL WORDS 😭😭😭

user77 no I get them. I wouldn’t post full love confessions in an Instagram comment section either lmao

user78 they got each other back 🫶

———————————————

Taglist: @casperlikej @evie-119

[cyberm4n]

You've now filled my head with nothing but Alastor and Lucifer brainrot. Any other sharing thoughts you have for them? (I cannot stop thinking about them, I quite literally thought about them sharing me during my entire 8hr retail shift yesterday)

alastor and lucifer sharing you pt 3!

pt1, pt2

this was highly requested, thank you all for the love <3 im tagging anyone who asked/was fine with it last time but now you can fill out this taglist form to ensure you're tagged for future posts!

tags: @lu-ferri12 @my-anime-garden @princessdreamss @polytheatrix @reaper-of-light-12 @ambi-squirrelly @hazelfoureyes @meggletoomanyfandoms @afernandez21

cw: angst ig?? idk reader is upset cause they keep fighting, general relationship issues for a moment, smut, reader gets eaten out, there's some light praise and condescension i think, alastor has a master kink, alastor discovers he LOVES eating pussy, there's like a weird sexual tension between alastor and lucifer for the majority of this if you squint, the ending is VERY suggestive

other: not 100% happy with formatting on this but i wrote majority of it on a 6 hour flight so like. you win some you lose some. not proofread that well, i kind of ramble at times too but it's fine. 2.1k word count and half of it is formatted in a headcanon cuase, again, lazy 6 hour writing. i also don't use the bolding and coloring that much cause it'd be a lot of work.

left the ending a little open, will probably do a poll tomorrow on if people want me to take this that direction.

■ okay so sex aside i would think outwardly everyone knows you're in a relationship with lucifer at the very least

■ but it's kept lowkey with the other part of the relationship

■ which both are fine with btw

■ lucifer loves pda so he's happy, alastor isn't a fan so it's whatever

■ the public part works out because alastor would genuinely be worried about someone trying to use you to get to him

■ it's bad enough that it's known the king of hell has a new partner, but nobody knowing that if they fuck with you they're fucking with the king of hell AND the radio demon is a silent advantage

■ if anyone knows, it's charlie. but only to the extent of like the fact it's a hinge relationship, everything else she doesn't know and honestly doesn't need to know

■ she's just happy her dad seems happy and is getting along better with alastor

■ i think alastor is the kind to really start caring during the relationship vs. lucifer caring about you deeply before

■ so occasionally alastor will pull you aside, or if no one is watching will just press a quick kiss on your forehead.

■ meanwhile lucifer is always making it known he's in love with you

■ arm around your shoulder, holding your hand, everything

■ again, alastor doesn't really mind unless lucifer decides to be an ass abt it

■ look they still compete with each other sometimes they can't help it

■ then it becomes a game of how much the other can get away with before you either get upset or it's too telling

■ that's the other thing is like, the competing gets really fucking annoying to you

■ we saw them in hells greatest dad it wasn't a want to be a better dad it's just wanting to out do the other

■ and when it transfers to your relationship it gets agitating fast

moving on

■ relationship side alastor isn't as involved with that

■ but if either of them did something that upset you or like there was a lovers quarrel between you and either side it's a big deal to them

■ especially if you're only upset with one half of the hinge

■ cause like, sure, they could compete with each other and purposefully drive you apart

■ but tbh.. both of them lowkey like this arrangement much more than they thought they would

■ so they end up talking to each other about it and figuring out what to do

■ same if you're upset with both

■ not that you're upset often it's just that when you are it's usually cause they crossed a line in their little competition

■ and they hate making their girl feel like a prize to be won :(

■ whatever their solution is, they do it together.

■ show you they can get along, that they both care about you enough

■ you're in your room, a bit of a blow up happened earlier after they got into one of their arguments

■ it's not that you genuinely think theyre using you to get to the other but sometimes with the way they act it's easy to doubt

■ anyways, they both come in, it's late

■ i cry when im frustrated/upset and i think it's a pretty normal reaction, so let's just say you're crying a little

■ they're both immediately at your side, apologizing profusely

■ you've never cried like this before

■ it scares them. alot.

■ for once there's absolutely no competition, the only worry is making you feel better.

■ both sitting next to you on the couch, lucifer murmuring how much he loves you, and how he knows how much alastor cares for you

■ i hate the whole "alastor doesn't understand emotions" thing because he does. he has to, he knows how to read people well.

■ it's just he hasn't ever comforted someone

■ he doesn't know what to do when someone he cares about is upset

■ so he's glad lucifer is here, as alastor just sits at your side nodding along and gently rubbing your back

■ alastor only tunes back in when lucifer offers to give some space for the night, and a little murmur from you agrees but asks they both come to bed that night

■ given its usually only lucifer who actually sleeps in the same bed as you alastor is surprised

■ but lucifer is beckoning him out for some space.

"cmon, we'll be back in an hour yeah?" he chimes from the door, and with a squeeze of your shoulder alastor is out of the door, but he opts to walk along with lucifer. "we gotta do better" lucifer sighs as he walks, not looking over at alastor. he's not accusing alastor, he seems equally disappointed in both of them.

"for her?" alastor adds, and lucifer gives a hum of agreement. "this while ordeal has been quite... stressful as of late, no?" alastor adds, "to our own faults, yes" lucifer murmurs, giving a sigh. alastor nods, and the two men walk in silence for some time, ending up in the parlor, husk far since gone to bed. "want anything?" lucifer pulls alastor back to reality once again, he's standing behind the bar while alastor had been staring off, his mind running with thoughtd of god knows what.

"whiskey, my friend?" alastor suggests, and giving it a considerate thought lucifer pours two glasses. the silence falls over them again, just the sound of the clink of their glasses on the counter.

"so tell me, how do you do it when you pleasure her?" alastor breaks the silence, lucifers eyes dart up to him. thinking for a moment before replying "i don't really think tonight is the time for that—" lucifer says, but in a gentle tone.

"no no, in the morning." alastor says, staring down at his glass. "you two indulge often in the morning, correct?" alastor says, now his eyes uncomfortably on lucifer. Watching as the other man almost pales a little, swallowing thickly.

lucifer immediately falters, giving a sigh. "look it's not— i‐ that's not her fault–" lucifer immediately starts, assuming this is a confrontation. his eyebrows raise as alastor shakes his head. "oh please, if i had problem with it i would have done something" he says, a static crackle echoing through the room. "no, i want to know how you do it when you... when it's just about her. how can i do the same?" alastor asks, and this is even more surprising to lucifer than this whole fucking idea in the first place.

■ so lucifer of course explains some stuff to him, of course it's hard because unless he's done it before it's hard to articulate some of his "moves"

■ i mean lucifer can hardly resist going down on you everytime, he's definitely experienced but it's hard to transfer that knowledge at times

■ but he's impressed alastor even asked

■ so when they return to your room, they're a lot more calmer with each other than before.

■ that night changed a lot between them tbh

■ it's slightly awkward for both of them when everyone gets settled in the bed

■ you're on your back, lucifer on your right side and alastor on the left.

■ they're both holding you to the best of their abilities

■ lucifer gives alastors hand a squeeze before shuffling it to have a better grasp on your waist

■ you all peacefully sleep through the night, not shifting much but it's pretty comfortable

■ is the morning you're mostly cuddled into alastor, which is entirely lucifers doing

■ when you're all awake though alastor gets arguably nervous

■ but you being you, you slump over onto alastors chest, murmuring some affection to him

■ lucifer gives a nod, it's time.

■ he'd honestly probably move to get out of bed, assuming some privacy is wanted

■ but he feels a shadow wrap around his forearm, it's a light pressure

■ alastor shakes his head, mouthing a small "please"

after lucifer processes for a moment what exactly is about to go down, he's okay with that. he settles back in, his eyes on the two of you as alastor tilts your chin up, pressing a kiss to your lips. "my dear, would you mind if i tried something a little different with you?" alastor chimes, and you blink your eyes open again, still a bit sleepy as you give a nod.

he gently maneuvers you on the bed so you're laying on your back, his hands pawing at your sleep shorts and pulling them to your ankles. lucifer watches, honestly a little mezmerized by the whole ordeal. he feels proud in an odd sort of way. “I think our little doe deserves a treat, would you like that?” alastor murmurs as he spreads your thighs open. You take a shaky breath before murmuring some form of agreement, maybe even a little plea.

without further prodigy, alastors finally leans down his tongue swiping down your folds, hands grasping your hips to pull you to his face. your hands go to hold lucifers, but he shakes his head tutting at you. “ah ah, that’s not very polite princess” he chides softly, guiding your hands to alastors hair.

and alastor makes good use of the tips and information lucifer gave him, his tongue plunging into your sweet little hole as his nose bumps your clit. his eyes wander up, making eye contact with you as he eats you out so wonderfully. you tug at his hair and he practically growls in pleasure, opting to change tactics and focus his mouth on your clit while his fingers slide inside you, gently curling into your sweet spot.

and lucifer watches it all, absolutely mesmerized. he doesnt know what it is about watching this but theres something about knowing alastor is doing exactly as told to in this scenario that makes lucifer feel warm. he lets alastor steal the show, doing only minimal work. maybe hes softly cooing praises or gently reminding you to show your appreciation to the one making you feel this good.

as you get close, evident by the murmur that falls past your lips, alastors eyes snap to lucifers for a moment, and he takes a moment to think before understanding. usually when youre close alastor is all over you, telling you to be such a good girl and cum, just slight praises and coaxing. given the fact hes face deep in your sweetness he cant really do that, so that job is up to lucifer now.

“isn’t alastor doing such a good job duckling? you want to make sure he knows how good hes treating you, dont you?” lucifer coos, scooting in behind you on the bed so you stop trying to writhe away. “I think he’d be so disappointed if you didnt cum for him, you think you can do that, hm? you wanna cum all over your masters tongue?” lucifer says directly in your ear, and alastor feels a bit of a warmth in his stomach by being referred to as “master”

when you give a weak moan in response lucifer sighs, shaking his head. “be a good girl now, you can do it little doe” he says which is what sends you toppling over the edge, your hips rutting up into alastors mouth, whiny moans coming from you as alastor desperately licks up your sweet release. this whole thing was quite enjoyable for alstor, but hearing lucifer call you “little doe” his petname for you made him smugly satisfied.

after some aftercare which mostly just involved more cuddling, alastor feels satiated enough to shift to leave, before getting a look from lucifer. he reluctantly stays, feeling as you come to lay at his side once more. lucifer seems to take note of something, giving alastor a nod down, he glances down, seeing the obvious tent in his pants. alastor looks back up, slightly annoyed. a like “yeah, no shit dumbass” kind of look is exchanged.

alastor looks back down at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you sigh happily. but alastor tenses as he feels a hand on his knee, shooting a glare to lucifer as he traces his hand up a little. the two meet as and alastor takes a shaky breath as lucifer leans in just a little, breathing out the next few words with a calmness alastor admires:

“just keep cuddling her”

[moontopuff]

how it started/how u met

okay so being honest, twins didn't notice you until your third year

that's when u, as a Hufflepuff, had transfiguration with gryffindor

and let's just say that they *had* to notice u

because u tried to do the task so.many.times. but it just didn't work and at some point u just yelled "bloody fuckin hell!"

and yes professor did take 10 points from your house for saying those words

but! thanks to that weasley twins noticed you! Right after the lesson, they approached you on the hall

"so. aren't you a naughty little hufflepuff?" "what's your name, Puffy?"

and so, this is how your friendship started.

and yes, at first twins were just curious about you, maybe just their gryffindor blood wanted something new

but nevertheless, it quickly changed into something more real, as they started hanging out with you

you laugh at their jokes, watch their quidditch games and sometimes lightly pack them on their heads when they are being too much of a nuisance. They realized they liked u as a person.

YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH TWINS LOOKED LIKE;

so, just because you're their friend, doesn't mean they wont try and will prank you

that's why it often ends up in a game of tag; its either them running after you (sometimes you even win and end up safely in Hufflepuff common room!) or you after them (and trying to hex them after they pulled out their prank on you)

but yeah, so many times they tried to go after you to hufflepuff common room and they ended up smelling like vingear!

(you did ended up helping them with the smell anyway. just later, of course)

so u may, or may not, have slipped that u were always wondering how it feels to be kabedon'ed to twins

did they know what that is? no. did u told them? no. did they found out anyways? YES.

and so, this is how it started; your whole week of Weasley twins kabeddoning you in random places at random times.

your reactions were quite enjoyable, so was your flustered expression, which only made them do it again, and again,,,

(you did like it tho. even if u decided not to share that thought with twins...)

when you have classes together you can expect paper bird charm flying your way! Twins would write something or draw something silly. Sometimes just because they are bored, sometimes so they can make you laugh and make teacher reprimand you. Anyway, it's not boring when u share classes

their mom & dad loving you! Of course not as much as they like Harry and Hermione, but you are just behind them! And Molly can't help but appreciate you and your ability to tone down twins (at least sometimes...)

you make them study together with you, of course its not easy and at least half of the time they (okay and you too...) spend talking and giggling, but because of your reward system (after you learn this you can get that), they are a little bit more willing to learn (not much tho)

twins knew that you know a lot of hiding places in Hogwart, so they often include you in their pranks... if only for you to help them turn into right direction

but sometimes things just didn't work out, and you three ended up in detention

that's when twins could see your grumpy, annoyed side

them knowing you're not *seriously* mad at them, meaning they would try to make you laugh, betting who would make you laugh first, and so on

them wanting to prank you but you know better

"Puffie, come on, join us tonight!" the Weasley twins chorused, their grins practically gleaming with mischief. You crossed your arms, eyeing them suspiciously. “No,” you replied flatly, frowning. You knew that look too well. "Pleaaaase," Fred stretched the word out, pouting dramatically. "Don't be a bummer!" George leaned in closer, mischief dancing in his eyes. "Do you want us to beg?" he teased, and then Fred chimed in, smirking. "Are you into men on their knees?" You felt your cheeks heat up as they burst into laughter at your reaction. “Are you willing to be these men?” you shot back, still blushing but fire dancing in your eyes, not wanting to lose to them so openly. But they weren’t done yet. “What if... there’s food?” George asked, his tone suddenly innocent. Your interest piqued. “What food?” you asked, narrowing your eyes. Fred nodded seriously. "Good stuff. Sweet stuff. Whatever you like." “Fine,” you sighed, but you weren’t so easily persuaded. “You have to promise that next time I have a bad morning and I’m grumpy, you’ll hug me. A sandwich hug, at that!” You finished with a grin, proud of yourself. If you were going to be pranked, you might as well get something out of it too. Fred smirked. "Blimey, didn’t know you were so forward, Puff—” You smacked his arm before he could finish, a playful scowl on your face. George chuckled, taking your hand with a grin. "Deal." Of course, it was a prank. But there was food, and was it worth it in the end? Your future self would wholeheartedly agree.

them asking you to bring food for nightly study or just hanging out at night

“Why me? You already know where the kitchen is,” you asked, genuinely curious but not annoyed. “Yeah, but it’s late already, and we’re us, and you’re you,” Fred explained, as if that made perfect sense. “Meaning...?” you prompted, raising an eyebrow. George chuckled, leaning in as if sharing a grand secret. “You’re an innocent Hufflepuff, and we’re mischievous Gryffindors. If a prefect or professor catches us, they’re more likely to let you go, and us... well, you know how it usually ends.” He shrugged, grinning widely. You paused, contemplating. It made a strange kind of sense. It was a bit unfair, sure, but if you could turn it to your advantage, wasn’t that fair in its own way? “Mhmm, we’ll see. What do you want?” you asked, a mischievous smile tugging at your lips.

so yes, they would also sometimes 'use your hufflepuff self" for making things easier for them. and hey! at first it worked perfectly! But after a while, prefect and professors caught on that you're not as innocent as you seem, and you are friends with Weasley twins in more ways than they thought

one time they pranked you by making your hair [color], thinking you would get angry, but you just shrugged and decided that it looks nice on you, and you're keeping it for time being

so yeah, they wouldn't think so at first, but somehow, you match them perfectly!

ROUTE A (GEORGE WEASLEY)

ROUTE B (FRED WEASLEY)

[victimsofyaoipoll]

If Taven has 100,000 fans, I am one of them

If Taven has 1,000 fans, I am one of them

If Taven has 100 fans, I am one of them

If Taven has 1 fan, then it's me

If Taven has no fans, then I am no longer alive

Mortal Kombat Tournament Preliminaries Group D

Top 5 makes it to the tournament.

[jazjelspen]

my angel baby (part 6)

alastor w/ angel daughter reader

(notes: alastor's adoptive daughter is in hell, let's hope she doesn't get eaten alive!)

(the singing lines you'll encounter were meant to not be in order.. you'll understand once you read it hehe >:) )

(caution: alastor being lowkey a bit manipulative? not too terrible but just word of caution.)

(tags: @maksdust @willowwillflower @sunshinesetsstuff @0willowwisp0 @projectdreamwalker @1potato2rulethemall @just-here-reading @avitute @pooplyface1423 @insomniacfigure @mo-0-o @thekanrojimitsuri2 @nevermorekisses @wildfire153 )

my editor <3: @kruncher

Rosie finished her sentence by patting your shoulder gently before her hands finally rested on the handle of her umbrella once more.

You fiddled with your hands as you shined an awkward smile.. you looked like a child about to give a powerpoint presentation to a class.

You then chose to immediately face the Princess once again, eyes on her entirely "but.. um.. Yes!.. Princess Charlie, I saw you at the courtroom presenting your case and I just have to say I'm very inspired!... and I would like to contribute to your cause somehow!.." you paused yourself from speaking too much into it.. wanting to save certain parts for only her ears to hear.

"I also would need to get back home.. and I know you have that sort of influence in Hell to get me a way in Heaven again!-- o...oh..-"

You felt your skin crawl as you barely acknowledged a suddenly teleported Alastor to your side, his staff holding up your injured wing gently to get a good look at the bandaged injury.. his eyes narrowing and a 'hmm' softly escaping his throat. 

A threatening spark in his eye flashed which resulted in your injured wing suddenly moving away from him, despite that flash not being for you specifically. 

In his usual Alastor fashion he seemed very collected, but it was a bit obvious he was much intrigued at your presence and your bandage.

Charlie seemed to finally catch her bearings, moving a few frazzled strands of hair away from her face. "Well.. Welcome either way! We can definitely do that! I will admit I only managed to get through to heaven thanks to my dad but I'm sure he can come up with some sort of way to get you back home!" she seemed to look at your halo and wings, your status as an angel very well seen and she was honestly a bit frazzled by a 'winner' falling down in here all of a sudden.

Rosie gently laid her hand on Alastor's shoulder "Poor little thing ain't she? Susan got her wing real good but I fixed her up right in the nick of time! no infection will harm her further."

Alastor's radio shriek happened again but in a much softer pitch "Susan did this?" There was a quick pause before Alastor spoke up again, "Oh I'll have to talk with Susan soon! How impolite could that old woman be! The senior citizens these days.." he rolled his eyes in a playful manner before Charlie spoke up again.

"Well!-- _____ was it? Let me see if I can get Vaggie to sho--"

"Nonsense!" Interrupted Alastor, almost practically jumping in between Charlie and yourself with a very odd excitement. "Why, I'll help of course! It is quite simple just taking a new guest to their new room!"

Charlie smiled half heartedly "Alastor that's so helpful of you! Just.. don't scare our guest please. I know how interesting you can.. get." the end of her sentence dragged on, as if dreading what he's capable of doing. "Oh and no deals! This is a freedom-oriented place! We don't want any souls to be collected here please.." she then just gave you two a thumbs up, a bit exhausted but still uplifting.

"Meanwhile I'll talk to Rosie here about her cannibals and how we intend to also keep them safe! While they also get their-- fill!.."

Alastor seemed to slither his arm around yours, elbows interlocking. "How exciting! There's so much to show you around here in the Hazbin Hotel! Gosh it'll make you wish to stay down here forever!" A loud cackle could be heard from him that eventually morphed into a bunch of static-covered laugher.

Your body froze as you were dragged away by Alastor up the velvet red steps, not even getting a chance to properly thank Rosie and Charlie.

You're stuck with him now.

Lucky you.

Getting dragged by Alastor was as if a swarm of wasps was lingering on your arm; absolutely nerve-wrecking. 

You stayed quiet as he continued to ramble, talking nonsense about hell, the hotel, how he thought of the name and the design.. basically bragging. It all went in one ear and out the other.

"--isn't that right darling?"

huh?

Your senses came back to you and your eyes flickered up to him once before looking down. "Oh.. my bad I didn't catch that.."

Alastor stopped in his tracks which immediately caused you to stop in yours. There was a pause..

"Why, my dear, since when have I ever had to repeat anything to you? You hardly ever daydreamed like this before!"

You let out a shaky exhale through your nose, "Yea.. sorry." you spoke in a subtle sarcastic way.

He shook his head, his tongue clicking into minor sounds of 'tsk tsk.' "Oh _____ darling there's no need to be so formal! I'm your father! Not a stranger."

You scoffed, "You seem to enjoy treating me like one."

His eyes narrowed down at you; you wanted to burst into a cold sweat just like that. 

"It's better that way, you have absolutely no clue about how animalistic these sinners can be!"

He let his arm uncurl around yours to stand in front of a hotel room door with one of the miscellaneous hotel numbers at the top, his hand covering over the door knob as a green glowing hue forced it to open with a single 'click', a key suddenly spawning and dropping right into the palm of his clawed hand.

Your nose scrunched up in slight disgust "Oh I, in fact, do have a clear idea.. "

Alastor didn't respond to your comment but simply took your hand and had your palm face upward, dropping the cold obsidian key on your skin.

"Your key to your new quarters! If there's any issues with it, do let us know how we can fix it for you."

Your fingers closed your hand around the item and held it tightly against your chest in a defensive stance.

"Uh huh.." you then skimmed past him to walk through the door, your free hand clenching onto the handle of your travel bag in stress.

"Although, I'm simply dying to know--" Alastor's haunting voice caused you to freeze, your head slowly tilted to look behind you with a chill down your spine. Alastor's eyes radiated red, red as sin. 

"Why exactly did you think it was a swell idea to drop aaaall the way down here?" His arm holding up his came pointing up and slowly down as he stretched out the word 'all', insinuating falling down from heaven.

"And somehow doing that while still staying pure as snow? Oh darling, I just must know!"

You huffed a sigh out your nose and rolled your eyes,

"You know, I really admire how hard you try to ask questions when you know I'm not gonna tell you anything."

"_______, even a blind and deaf man would know that voluntarily going down here is practically a suicide! And I know you, you must've thought of this real well hmm? Risking getting gutted like a fish?"

"What would you like to know.." you mumbled as you then proceeded to close the door on him, your back slowly turning towards him.

Until the door was harshly tugged back to stay open, looking over to see Alastor gripping the other end of the door knob.

He laughed, it intimidated and irritated you "My darling you seem to forget who I am. I'm no stranger, I didn't spend the entirety of my glory 20s and 30s to raise you alone just for you to attempt to disown me. Besides.. you still need me my dear. 

After all.. I was the one that held you when the thunder refused to subside, I built you a home.. a wonderful home that others would live in with pride!"

He grabbed your hand yet again to pull you out once more, twirled you suddenly and pointed at your current outfit, a bit dirty with faint spots of dirt on certain spots from first hitting that dumpster when you first got here. 

"Don't even have to mention the elephant in the room.. just simply look at you! Fragile as a flower, still a little sampling.. just a sprout." He next pointed at your wings, ears, and halo during the duration of his phrase. His tone slowly morphing into a familiar sing-song voice and melody you could have sworn was something from your childhood.

You scoffed "Okay that's nice and all but can I just g--"

"Father knows best! listen to your father, It's a scary world out there, " He teleported behind you in the opposite direction of where you were facing you, a hand on your shoulder as his shadow morphed into a more terrifying form for you to gasp and shriek at. 

"Father knows best, one way or another something will go wrong-- I swear!" You couldn't help but stumble a few steps back in shock and fear from seeing that shadow again, causing you to trip over your feet and end up getting thrown by gravity down to the floor in a sit-up position.

"Oh look! Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy, please--" he walked up to you, bending down to grab your hand once more to pull you up harshly. His eyes glowing while closely meeting yours as his shadow laughed in the background menacingly "They'll eat you up alive!"

As he playfully shouted his words in that familiar sing-song melody that you couldn't exactly tap into at this moment, he yet continued to hold up your right hand up in the air and the other proceeded to hold your left.. he was now twirling you around across the hall diverting slightly far from your open hotel room as if you were both dancing in a mix of 30s and classic ballroom dancing. You tried to push him away but his grip was fierce and the sudden dancing confused you, making you unable to properly think about your next move.

"Father's right here, father will protect you, darling here's what I suggest!" He then finally stopped at the foot of your door, your vision getting a bit woozy from the intense spinning Alastor put you through. "Skip the drama, stay with papa--"

"Alastor for fucks sake!-" you finally exclaimed, rubbing your eyes and taking a moment to relax your eyes to recover from your previous state.

"I can handle myself! I know ways to protect my own skin and none of them involve you!" You panted as you stomped your way back in your given room, this time gripping the door handle with a grip you've never had before. 

"Now go do whatever it is you do, and leave me alone!" you slammed the door in his face and locked it as quickly as you could, eventually throwing your bag on your new and neat bed with a huff. 

You've never felt so much anger before since you were living and breathing-- these complicated emotions rising in you like a volcano that sat dormant for centuries until finally erupting and exploding fire and skin-melting magna. This all came out with you lashing out and now even wanting to tear up a bit since you always hated fighting-- with him, with anyone. It hurt. More than it should have. 

You simply crawled on your bed and held yourself, knees up to your chest and arms around your knees. Comforting yourself in the only way you knew how.

God, you hoped this trip in the end turned out to be worth it.

Alastor on the other hand simply smirked, your stubbornness will be no match to his own and he will be sure of that.

"Goodness. Even after all these years, the temper tantrums will never cease." He let out a small pitched 'hm' as he turned on his heel to head back to the Princess of Hell and help her with her next few plans with the battle against the exorcists. 

Unbeknownst to them, a pair of eyes noticed and witnessed the father and daughter's interaction in the hall.

Back to you,

Curled up in your hotel room you then decided to crawl over to your traveling bag, scrambling over to open it and hastily take out a few things like a smaller bag full of toiletries, clothes, and even your personal first aid box for emergencies. 

All would be put aside only for your hand to be looking for one thing in particular, hidden under all your neatly packed items was a journal you brought from back up in heaven to document events to keep your thoughts in place, help you cope with changes, and just as a way to express your emotions in a healthy way and you knew you would need these more during these next few weeks. 

Opening the hard cover your eyes were met with a small paper pocket that you taped up in order to save photographs and small thin memory trinkets. 

You smiled softly, your other hand then went to look at the side of your bag to take yet another photograph, it was the one you put in right before leaving your home to get to hell. 

Placing that photo on the cover of your bed, then taking out your photos that were inside that small pocket of your book you then spread them out all beside each other on your bed.

Six exact photos you had, each correlating to a specific memory you adored dearly.

First five photos were favorite memories of yours, some were of when you were hanging out with Sera, St. Peter, and other court member friends of yours. Either at picnics, libraries, shops, restaurants, etc. 

The last two were more than important to you though, they were two portrait pictures of her and you.

She was a much older woman, she died around the time you were born but never have you felt like someone was more like family in heaven than she did. Unfortunately you never had the chance to meet her until you were in heaven but at the same time after making an intense realization when getting to know her better it's as if you knew her your entire life. 

She was one of your favorite people, but one of your most painful reminders.

Your hand grazed over those two photos, your hand trying so hard not to clench them due to how many fucking things are setting in place, connecting to each other.

"I'll be back, I promise." you spoke to the images of her sitting beside her with her kind smile, you could see him through her smile as well "I'm sorry I never got to tell you what he did, who he really is.. you don't deserve the pain that comes with it if I did.."

You teared up, decades of guilt overwhelming you in this single moment. "I'm sorry grandmother, that he turned out this way.. that he did this to me."

You had no reason to apologize, no reason at all.

But she was so good to you, she recognized your last name but you couldn’t bear to ever tell her the truth and that guilt haunted you yet you reassured yourself it’s better to keep her from knowing who he really is with how highly she speaks of him. 

She treated you as if you were her own flesh and blood. She gave you a home as well up in heaven, took care of you.. guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in that aspect.

How can someone like him, with a mother like her, turn out the way he did.

How.. sad, that truly is.

—---------------------------------------

You were sixteen years of age when this specific event occurred.

You have always been a good kid, always done as you've been told such as '____ dear don't forget to wash your dishes today', '_____ don't forget about your school work.', 'get in bed now young lady, you still have a bedtime you know', and '______ dear you're a bit too young to read the news don't you think? read this instead, more appropriate for young girls your age!'

You have always done what your father told you, followed every rule he sets, avoided every thing he didn't want you to do. 

Although.. whenever you did something you weren't supposed to was where you slightly feared him. He never yelled, never was one to do so. He was always a gentleman and as kind as he could be, although most of it for show. 

One thing he always was, is being passive aggressive. 

Passive aggressiveness was one of his many strong suits, and using words to get you to fear and to avoid doing what you were not meant to do was his specialty. You always wanted to please your father, for you knew that your entire life was the way it was because he chose to be responsible for you. This didn't happen much though because you just always followed what he ordered.

But sometimes being too obedient can be tiring and you were starting to get a little brave recently.

You see, your father has never allowed you in his home office for as long as you could remember, for all you knew he only took you inside when you were a baby with no total awareness. 

Why were you never allowed in his study?

You were.. actually never sure yourself, at least not until the days leading up to your death.

You were always told it was because it was his private space where he wants to keep everything neat and tidy, and that he wants his work space where he saves and writes anything for his radio show in there and that anyone on the outside would simply ruin the ambiance inside that helps him work.. or whatever.

Although, the older you got and the more conscious you gained you eventually thought that this rule is kind of.. stupid? It's just a study but.. you just guessed that whatever your father said was true.

On this particular day though, you wanted to give him a surprise! Only issue was that it included the study..

It was the day before Alastor's birthday, and you just wanted to check his schedule without being too obvious at all to make sure you had time to slip his gift either in his bedroom or sent to his radio studio.. so you decided to quickly slip into his study and check it really fast and leave!..

You spent the entire month before to find someone and commission for them to make a portrait painting with you, Alastor, and his mother in a single frame. Even giving photos of your father and your grandmother for them to reference, due to the lack of colors at the time with photographs it was more of a monochrome painting at best. This would be your birthday gift to him.

You waited for him to leave for work for his evening broadcast and you just came from school, pretending to be reading a book you were assigned to while laying on your bed and relaxing.

Alastor knocked at your door, letting out a quick 'come in!' In reply, he opened it for only his face to pop out of your door with his iconic smile.

"Hello darling! Just wanted to let you know I'll be off to do my next broadcast! Don't forget to tune in soon if you don't have any school work to do."

"Yes father, see you soon!"

"See you soon sweetheart! if I'm late for dinner there's always some leftovers."

He waved at you before closing your door and leaving a bit hastily despite being very early. You stayed as silent as possible till you heard his footsteps distancing away and finally.. that distant loud click of the front door.

You got moving, dropping the book on the bed without a care while scrambling up and opening the door to your room, your feet pitter pattering across the hall and down in front of the study, your hand reaching towards the doorknob in excitement. 

Until you stopped.

'What if he finds out? do you think he'll notice the slightest change at all?.. would he yell or get mad?.. ground me?.. he's never grounded me much but..' your hand inched closer to the knob, the moment your fingertips touched the wooden texture that's when you knew you weren't going to turn back.

'well.. it's a huge surprise for him.. it's just checking his work schedule without him knowing so he won't have a clue I have a surprise for him, it'll be easy!..' 

And finally your fingers wrapped around the doorknob and finally opened the entrance to the study with sudden anticipation while the creek coming from the door only caused goosebumps up your arms.

The room itself was dark and smelled of old wood from the floorboards and dusty papers, speaking of the floors they creeped like crazy with each hesitant step you took inside while your eyes scanned the entire foreign environment. 

Your eyes managed to make out in the middle of the room a large cushioned chair positioned in front of an even larger wooden desk that was wide enough as a school principal's desk would be. Approaching it you now got to see more clearer details like several papers and folders being sprawled around the space, two half empty cups of his usual coffee, pens in pen holders and laid with the papers,.

Your eyes looked up to see the wooden walls organized with draped over portraits of Alastor himself as a kid, others of paintings of his mother that you haven't seen besides the one in the living room and the photos he showed you, and.. one of you as a toddler.. your eyes couldn't help but linger at that particular portrait of you that you have never seen.

You looked down at the desk again to look for his work schedule since all you knew was that it was in some leather journal you saw him carry before.

But you were yet again met with a framed photo standing on his desk and it was one of you as a baby! You've seen baby photos of yourself but never one of where you literally were still sleeping in the crib.. you couldn't help but smile. 

But you went back to work, opening the squeaky drawers filled with hardcover books, folders with dates and names of several shows he's done before. 

Looking at one of the drawers nearest to the ground on the right hand side was where you found even more photos of you as a baby! And even others of himself growing up and some of his mother, your heart warmed at the thought of your father always keeping his family in mind. 

And how amazing was it that the leather journal you were looking for to finally show up! 

Taking it out with great anticipation you skimmed through the pages of his endless paragraphs and paragraphs of letters and numbers.. suddenly stopping at a particular page where there were.. stains.. they looked almost black in the dark but by squinting your eyes you can barely tell a dark hue of red.. you stood up to see if there was a small lamp on the desk that you missed but right as yo--

"What are you doing here."

Alastor's voice boomed across the room startling you to the point where the journal closed and almost jumped out of your arms as you gasped.

Your eyes darted at the door which didn't seem to hear the creek open the way it did when you came in, covered in darkness was Alastor of course.. his eyes and smile seemingly piercing through the darkness as his figure was illuminated from the light in the halls.

"Father!-- I.. I'm.. I just wanted to--" He interrupted you not by speaking, but by walking in and the creeks from the wooden floors seemed more threatening than when you first heard them. The closer he got the more your shoulders raised up.. "Look I'm sorry I just wanted to see your work schedule, that's all!.."

"Darling." god even the way he pulled on the chain attached to the lamp made it scary as well.. "You have never disobeyed me before, how can I work comfortably now?"

"I'm.. I'm sorry.." 

Alastor's aura seemed to at least lighten up with the lamp now.. god.

"Guess I always knew this day was coming.." he shook his head in disappointment, "knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest."

"But I--"

"Soon, but not yet. Trust me, pet."

"But father! I just wanted to look at your work schedule.."

"And you could've asked, not sneaked in like some thief.. I never raised you that way." Despite how the situation is though.. he had his eerie permanent smile on his face which only confused you more.

"You see my dear, by disobeying me even in the simplest of things only calls for danger. Unnecessary trouble to lure and latch onto you. Trouble in which even I won't protect you from."

Why was he talking like this?.. you were unsure.. but you knew that he was leading on to make some kind of point.. but in a sing-song type of approach. 

It wasn't uncommon for him to sing lessons to you at this age or whatever age you and him were, it's a common thing to you that his theatrics were an everyday thing.. it's how you learned how to sing yourself.

He continued, "Gullible, naive, positively grubby, ditzy, and a bit.. well.. hmm.. vague!"

You shook your head in confusion, him taking himself beside you to then shine you the most.. warming smile yet. The mixed signals were insane.

Seeing your confusion he only intensified it more "oh but darling I'm just saying cause' I love you, father understands, father's here to help you, all I have is one request!..” he spun around you as he ended up facing you and holding your hands in his, finally pulling you in a warm hug. oh wow.. he was never one to say ‘I love you’ much.. This total change was whiplash at its finest. 

You melted in the hug quite easily as you were always an affectionate child, plus you wanted to get rid of the guilt by just.. hoping he would forget what you tried to do. 

“_____?”

“Yes?..” 

The energy changed.

“Don’t ever come back into my study, again.”

“I..” you were speechless.. you were starting to question his authority slightly more than ever but.. “Yes father..”

“Oh I love you very much dear..”

You smiled slightly despite the stern scold he gave just now, but he was also never one to hug much so this made you feel nice.. 

“I love you more..” you could almost feel Alastor slowly grab onto the journal you were holding and tucked it in his coat which he usually wore out to work. 

“I love you most.” Backing away from the embrace with his hands on your shoulders he also gave you an uncharacteristically yet fatherly peck on your forehead and hairline which was only saved for when he’s tucking you in at night and he’s having a good day. 

Leaving behind a small ‘peck’ sound. It was almost kinda awkward the way he stood, it was as if he was trying to make it convincing with how fast it was too. 

“Don’t forget it!” He smiled at you brightly as he raised up a finger to only move it side to side.

“You’ll regret it.. Father! Knows best..” he gave you simply two pats on the head with his palm and his book in his jacket due to how swiftly he took it from your hands. 

Leading you out the door with a swift motion of him pulling you by your wrist and into the hall once more.. this time making a mental note as he closed the door behind him to get a proper lock for his study next time.

He then immediately started scrambling out the door, “Oh well look at the time! Almost late for work! I’ll see you in a while, my flower! Remember, I trust you! Don’t break it again! Would be a shame if that were your gift for my birthday!..” Cheerfully announcing across the house as he finally reached the door to pop out in the wide world again.

Why did he come back? You could only assume he forgot the journal you were holding before..

You sighed, biting the inside of your cheek with your eyes wanting to water. “I just wanted to give you your gift perfectly..”

Arms crossed, you went back into your room and sat at the foot of your bed. Somberly regretting your terrible decisions..

‘Can't believe you broke his trust like that!.. and a day before his birthday??.. you must be out of your mind _____.’ Eyebrows turn down with a sad little frown on your face.

‘Although..’ your thoughts led you to look out the doorway of your room and into the dark hall. 

‘Is there anything else he’s trying to hide?..’

(HEYYYY thank you for reading chapter 6!! This was a total blast to write ✨ had so much fun trying to add a bit more detail into Alastor since he is still a serial killer, and he does this all out of love but it can definitely come out more.. manipulative. Whether he does it on purpose or not kinda depends on how you want to see it but personally he does it on purpose because he knows it’ll keep his daughter at bay qwq -and yes! I used tangled songs because personally I felt like it really emulated this side of him so ya!! He loves her to death but isn’t afraid at all to pull strings.)

[annabelle--cane]

so imagine you're me. and you go to university. and on tuesday the twenty-fourth of september at around 11am you get an email saying that you have a package to pick up at your dorm area's mail desk (let's call this desk A). and you think "hmm, that's weird" because you did not order anything and currently only two people have your exact address and they also didn't send you anything. so your immediate thought is "maybe this is Stalker Dad" because Stalker Dad has a history of finding out the addresses of where you live and sending you things. and you think "hhhhhhh. hopefully it's at least something fun like a chocolate box or whatever."

so you go about the rest of your day and then go to the mail desk at around 8:30pm. and the guy at the desk says there are actually TWO packages. one is a vote by mail application, and that makes sense, it has clearly been redirected from one of your old campus addresses, he gives it to you, that's fine. the other was accidentally sent to the wrong desk (let's call this desk B) in a building that's half a mile away. the guy at the desk says you can either go get it now or wait the four days it'll take to get redirected back to desk A. you want to get this done now and you're also maybe a little bit obsessed with finding out what the damn package actually is. you go to desk B, you scan your ID card, the guy at the desk looks for your package, comes back, reviews something on his computer, and says they actually already sent it back to desk A, and you can either wait for an email alerting you that it's arrived or just check back in four days.

four days pass. it is now friday the twenty-seventh. you go back to desk A. you scan your ID card. the girl at the desk says "ah, sorry, it looks like your package got rerouted to desk B, you can go pick it up from there if you want." you say yes. I know it got rerouted to desk B. they told me a few days ago that they had already sent it. the girl at the desk says "hmm. it might need another day, I'd say to wait to get an email about it."

a calendar week passes. it is now friday the fourth of october. you have received no email about the mystery package. you go back to desk A, you scan your card, the girl at the desk says "ah, sorry, it's at desk B, it will take a few days to get rerouted." you inform her of the last two weeks' events and she says "oh I'm so sorry it should not be taking this long, some weird glitch must have happened." she tells you that the rerouted packages from the last week were all delivered that morning and yours was not among them, your package was logged at desk B as being medium sized so it can't have been some error where they counted the vote by mail application twice, and that it didn't scan right at desk B so they don't even know which mail carrying service delivered it, and knowing that would have at least given you a vague clue as to the contents. she tells you your best shot is to go check desk B again.

so you go about the rest of your day and then go to desk B at around 5:30pm. you scan your ID card, the girls at the desk say there was a package but they sent it on to desk A. you say "well here's the thing--" and tell all. they say "what the fuck." all four of them crowd around a single computer screen to figure out what the hell is going on. one of them goes into the mail room to physically look but comes back empty handed. "the thing is," they say, "is that if there were two packages then you should have gotten two emails, you're sure you only got one?" you're definitely sure, and there are definitely two packages logged on their side. they don't know how this could have happened. they say the last thing recorded is that after spending too long in the system without being picked up, it got sent to the main desk of your campus (let's call this desk C), and that usually means that it then got returned to sender from there.

you go back to your dorm room. you decide to make one last attempt. you call desk C, because it is a mile away and you cannot be bothered to physically go there unless you know you will return victorious. the guy on the phone has you hold while he searches up your name for a suspiciously long time, and then he says that yes, there were two packages, and they entered the system ten days ago, and one got sent on there and then returned to sender. he then says that a third package was registered at desk B earlier that day, but then adds that that was just the mystery package getting pinged again for some reason and nothing is actually there. you end the call.

your mystery delivery existed, at no point was it possible for you to pick it up, it never got scanned correctly, and it is now Gone Forever. no one on da planet earth knows what this thing was. you don't even know if it was actually from Stalker Dad or something much, much weirder. you immediately burst into flames and die.

[wosowffc]

You need checked kid

Reader get injured in training but is too scared to get help

You had been at the club now a couple of months your only young, 17 to be precise, so had been living with Viv and Beth. You hadn't really expected to be living with a couple as you only have living with team mates as you never knew your mum and dad but Beth and Viv is what you needed just didn't know until u moved in. Viv has gone to Man City now but it's yours Beth and myles favourite time at weekends if she comes down.

Training is tough you had some struggles settling in but they are ironed out now, though you refused to do a medical as you got too worked up.

Living with Beth means you had gotten close to her closer freind group at club like Steph and when getting your first senior call up you attached to alessia and Beth.

You walked out that Monday morning feeling nice and refreshed Viv took you up to Manchester when beth had freinds visiting from Spain so it was a nice few days with her and myle also meeting some of the Man City girl though playing against them you hadn't really had conversations.

Drills started off and went well, some girls were doing solo training off to the side and some still feeling the acl effects but are close to a return which I'm so excited for them. We finish up doing some 5v5s there's about 4 happening each having a half of a pitch each. I was playing against Steph and Beth and alessia was accompanying me as a forward with Leah Katie and manu making up the team.

I was laid face down. What happened? How'd I get here? What's the ringing about? Questions flooded and I tried to push myself up with my arm which were quick to shake violently not pushing me far from the ground. I feel hands either side of my head.

"Stay still kid, it's alright don't move to much ok. You've hit ur head a good slap" alessia is above my me as I move onto mt back and she's still holding my head. Beth and Steph come rushing into my visson.

"Don't worry the medics are coming over now ok" Steph says rubbing my arm with a hand on my stomach. No. I can't. No medics.

"I'm fine. Please I'm just, let me up" you push them away as they all try get you to stay still

"Yn no come on, you need checked kid" Beth if I could run right now trust I would be in Scotland how quick I would go.

I get up the startling sickness very prominently present as the grass spins and the building contort. I start to walk , in a straight line, no but I'm getting away before the medics try to look over me. I'm scared. Petrified even of anything to do with doctors and yes I know technically there not but to me I'm still scared to the pit of my soul.

We arive home Beth telling me the whole car ride that I should have gone looked over while still making sure I was ok herself handing me water and food which I couldn't eat every corner bump pot hole made me feel like the world was moving more than it already was.

Viv rang worried after Beth had told her of course she had tried to talk me into it to b it my decision was final.

The match two days later against liverpool had been going pritty well. There been a few goals but I knew Id been off since hitting my head, should I have let someone know before hand yes but right now something was wrong seriously wrong. on the front line with alessia I start to walk towards her as the ball moves away.

She immediately grabs my side, moving to one knee to see my face.

"Yn!, yn hey are you ok, yn answer me!" She says as you head moves to her chest and u fall forward into her.

"Put her on her side less" Beth calls out running over as the team watches nervously at the side.

The girls fumble around me limp on the floor at the Center of them. The medics come over putting me on a stretcher and rush me in an ambulance.

The hospital. This is my hell on earth. I have no fears I like spider snakes what ever else I'm fine but doctors and all this is a no. go. area.

I woke with a groan seeing Beth next to me alseep hand on my leg. No, no, no I can't be here. Machines start rapidly getting faster which causes Beth to wake up form nex to me. She attempts to calm me.

It's about half an hour later after been given something to calm by the nurse Steph and alessia arive after getting a text from Beth and bringing you some food.

"You have a sever concussion from training yn. You can go home soon ok promise but they just want to take caution ok?" Alessia says before Viv comes in and gives me a kiss on my forehead

[ficretus]

Bleiss origin story

*In Vacuo cafeteria*

Weiss: So, I will finally ask Jaune out.

Yang: Oof.

Weiss: What? I've planned out everything. Limo, flowers, restaurant...

Yang: That's not an issue.

Weiss: Issue? What's going on?

Blake: Weiss, how do I explain this to you...

Yang: Blondes can only be matched with dark haired partners.

Weiss: Is this some kind of joke?

Blake: I'm afraid Yang is right. You and Jaune don't compliment each other.

Weiss: Oh please, that's just a superstition.

Yang: Sorry Weiss Cream, but my family is basically that shit 1.1. Grandpa Xiao Long was blonde, married dark haired woman. Dad married both Mom and Bird Lady, both dark haired. And now, Blake and me. Ships don't lie.

Weiss: That all could have been a coincidence.

Blake: Seems I'm gonna have to call an expert. Oscar! Can you come over here.

Oscar: What's going on?

Blake: I wanna ask Oz something.

Yang: I guess you can say you are... Oz car.

Ozpin: What is it Miss Belladonna?

Blake: Is it true that blondes seek out dark haired people and vice versa?

Weiss: Oh come on, do you really want to bother Headmaster Ozpin with that?

Ozpin: It is true Miss Belladonna. There is some magic that draws them together. There is a recorded history of blonde Valean Kings marrying dark haired consorts and vice versa.

Oscar: Really?

Ozpin: Indeed. I suspect that might have been one of the reasons my marriage with Salem fell apart. You see, my first reincarnation no longer had dark hair. Sigh...

Yang: See, blond and dark hair, otherwise relationship won't work.

Oscar: *nervous laughter* I need to go. Need to buy some hair spray... for reasons. *runs away*

Weiss: That proves nothing. Royalty mostly married to preserve status, not out of love. And Ozma and Salem had million other issues, I doubt it all went wrong because of wrong hair color.

Blake: Fine, wanna live experiment?

Weiss: What kind of experiment?

Blake: *types on her scroll* I just sent pictures of all available Huntsmen and Huntresses to Sun. He'll mark them with either no, maybe or smash. Wanna bet he's gonna mark only dark haired ones with smash?

Weiss: Pfff, Sun is gonna mark half of people with sm.... *clears throat* There is no way you are gonna prove anything that way.

*five minutes later*

Blake: And results are in. *shows them to Weiss*

Weiss: No, no, no, no, no, they are all dark haired!

Yang: Hey look, he marked Raven, my uncle, girlfriend and sister with smash. Ha, ha. Sun! I wanna talk to you! *eyes turn red*

Blake: Do you see now Weiss?

Yang: Hey! Don't run away! I just wanna talk to you!

Weiss: But still. There are always exceptions to the rule. Besides, it's not like there is some dark haired woman that's gonna snatch Jaune.

*one story arc later*

Weiss: What the hell Jaune?! You are with... with... Cinder?!

Jaune: I was able to put my anger behind me. In the end, we found out we are more similar than we initially thought. As if there was something drawing us together.

Cinder: You know, I always pictured my Prince to be blonde.

Jaune: Really?

Cinder: It could only be you. *kisses Jaune*

Weiss: *laughs maniacally*

Blake: Weiss, are you alright?

Weiss: No more, no more. *laughs maniacally* There is no more Weiss. *puts on a wig* Only Bleiss.

[lee-laurent]

Honeymoon Phase - Matthew Tkachuk

Summary: A month later, Matt and Freya return to the Hughes' Lake House; and their families finally get to see how in love they really are.

Content: FLUFF like toothrottingly, adorable fluff. mentions of sex but no actual smut, teasing, mentions of past angst

wc: 1.5k

notes: this is part 2 to under the radar! influenced by one of my favourite moots ever @toasttt11 !! go show toasty some love!! this was so fun to write! enjoy :)

"Are Matt and Freya up?" Ellen asked, flipping a pancake.

"Matt sleeps in," Brady commented, snatching a blueberry from the bowl on the table.

"Freya's never been an early bird either," Jim laughed.

"I'm not waking them up. I don't want to accidentally get a glimpse of Matt's dick," Jack smirked, making Luke snicker.

"Jack!" Ellen gasped.

"Just telling it how it is, Mom."

"Doesn't mean we have to say it aloud, Jack," she scolded, placing a large plate of pancakes on the table.

"I'm sure they'll be down soon," Chantal joined the conversation, "If not... they can fend for themselves."

Matt groaned, rolling onto his back and pulling Freya's body on top of his. His wife was a deep sleeper, so him adjusting cuddling positions didn't wake her. He had one arm holding her by her waist, the other under his head.

"Frey?" he mumbled.

"Mmm."

"You ready to get up?"

"Mmm."

"K," he replied, slowly opening his eyes. He smiled at the sight in front of him. Freya half-dressed, her face buried in his shoulder. Her chest pressed against his, one hand gripping his bicep, the other flung out to the side. He reached out, tapping his phone to check the time.

10:15

God, he was gonna get shit from Brady when they got down there, especially if anyone had heard them during the... late night the couple had shared the night before. Matt decided to give Freya fifteen more minutes, before he was pulling her up with him. She held onto him like a koala, her face in the crook of his neck.

"Freya. Baby, we're gonna miss breakfast."

"Tired."

"I know, love. We can go to bed early."

"I want to sleep," she slurred.

He placed her on the floor, the cold hardwood making her jump.

"I'm up! I'm up! Jesus, Matt! Trying to give me hypothermia!"

"The floor isn't going to give you hypothermia, babe. Get dressed; breakfast time!" he clapped.

She sighed, digging through her drawers to find an outfit. Matt went to the corner, doing the same in his suitcase.

"Not sure how I'm supposed to stay family friendly when you're walking around like that all week," he smirked, gripping her hips and pulling her into him.

"Perv," she giggled, leaning her head back on his shoulder.

"Can't help it when my wife looks like a supermodel."

"You flatter me, Matty."

"Maybe I could enjoy some breakfast in bed before we head down."

"What do you mean? Breakfast is- oh! Matt!"

"Glad you caught on, babe."

"I'm going to eat," she rolled her eyes, leaving him to pout in their room.

"Look who decided to join us!" Jim teased, watching his youngest enter the dining room.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it, Dad," she smiled, pressing a kiss to her dad's cheek.

Matt followed behind her, looking like a lost puppy. He stood behind the barstool she'd sat on, wrapping his arms around her waist. Their families watched as he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle.

"Ew," Luke mumbled, grabbing even more pancakes.

"Any plans for the day?" Chantal asked, pulling the attention off the couple.

"I'm gonna take Matt out on the boat," Freya grinned excitedly, placing a hand on his.

"Like Hell you are," Quinn scoffed.

"What? I have my boating license."

"And? I don't need the boat being christened."

"Quinn!" Ellen rolled her eyes.

"Wasn't the plan, Quintin. But now that you mention it..." she narrowed her eyes at him, smirking.

"You wouldn't dare!" Jack gasped.

"Of course not. You fucking idiots," she sighed, shushing Matt who was laughing into her shoulder.

"Well, you two have fun."

"Thanks, Mom. We'll see you guys for lunch!"

The two families were gathered in the backyard, playing a very intense game of volleyball. Freya had decided to sit out to make the teams even. She was lounging in a deck chair, cheering on her family... but also her husband on the opposite team.

"Good job, babe!" she cheered.

"Who's side are you on here, Frey?" Luke laughed.

"Yours. But my husband is on the other team, so..."

"I'll never get used to that word," Quinn shook his head.

"What? Husband?"

"Yeah. He was never even your boyfriend to us."

"But we can all see how happy they are, Quinn," Ellen scolded, getting ready to serve the ball. Matt turned, shooting a wink at Freya.

"I'm cheering exclusively for Matt now," Freya stuck her tongue out at her older brother.

"You better not be doing that when we play the Panthers," Jack complained.

"She's been doing that," Matt teased.

"You trying to get your ass whooped, Tkachuk?"

"I'd like to see you try."

"I'll do it for you," Freya offered to her brothers, "He wasn't supposed to tell you guys that."

Matt marched over to her, flinging her over his shoulder. She laughed, pounding her fists on his back.

"Who's whooping who's ass?"

"I'm winning," she giggled.

"Are you now?" he smiled, shifting her so he was holding her by her waist. She scrunched up her nose as he pressed a kiss to it, placing her down on the ground. She threw a fake punch at his face, Matt pretending to stumble backwards.

"KO!" Luke shouted.

"And the winner is... HUGHES!"

"Why do we always have to watch his shitty movie?" Freya complained, picking at the loose threads on the blanket covering the couple.

"Because it's not shitty, it's a masterpiece," Jack retorted.

"It was 8% on Rotten Tomatoes."

"And?"

"That means it's shit."

"Babe, just watch the movie," Matt groaned, placing his hand on her upper thigh.

"Whatever."

"That's what I thought," Jack sassed, pressing play on the movie.

"You're right, Frey. This is terrible," Matt whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"That's what I was trying to warn you of, but nooooo, you just can't listen to your wife."

"I-"

"Will you two shut up! I'm trying to watch the movie," Luke snapped.

"Sorry."

Freya leaned into Matt's touch. She was loving being able to be close in front of their families. He trailed his hand a little higher up her thigh, earning some side eye. He ignored the warning, resting his hand right on the edge of her pajama shorts. She shook her head slightly, lacing their fingers together under the blanket.

"I love you," he mouthed.

She just leaned up and kissed the side of his mouth in response. He smiled, leaning in for a proper kiss that she gladly gave him. He kissed the tip of her nose, turning back to the movie. Little did they know that Quinn was watching the whole interaction and he could barely fathom how in love his little sister really was.

"Can you stop?"

"Why?" Matt smirked, running his hand up the front of her shirt.

"Your hands are cold."

"And?"

"And... it's annoying. You're annoying."

"You don't mean that. You loveeee me."

"Meh," she shrugged.

Freya was sitting on the kitchen counter, Matt standing between her legs. It was late and everyone else had gone to bed.

"You don't mean that."

"Meh."

"I can leave," he jokingly offered.

"Nooooo," she pouted, pulling him back by his shirt.

"That's what I thought," he put his hands on her waist under her shirt, squeezing. She wriggled, gasping from the cold contact on her skin.

"Do you think my brothers still hate you?"

"Nah."

"How do you know?"

"Quinn asked me earlier if I wanted to help him grill. And then later Jack came in our room and threw a box of condoms at me. So, I think we're in the clear."

"Jack is such a menace."

"Said he wasn't ready to be an uncle."

"Hmm," Freya tapped her finger against her lips.

"Shut up," Matt laughed, kissing her neck. "No babies yet. We agreed."

"I know! I'm joking!! I have to finish school first. Then we can discuss."

"Whatever you want."

"I love you, Matthew."

"And I love you, Freya. You ready for bed?"

"Yep! Let's go!"

Matt started to walk off, quickly noticing that Freya had made no move to get up, "What are you doing?"

"Carry me?"

He rolled his eyes, "Let's go."

"Yay!" she wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist.

"My own personal koala."

"Duh."

"So..." Luke started, "We can all agree that Matt and Freya are perfect together?"

The two families looked around, all nodding. Freya and Matt were sleeping in... again. And the rest of their family members took it as their time to have a meeting.

"They're so cute," Chantal cooed, "Matt loves her to bits."

"I agree," Ellen smiled, "I've never seen Freya this happy."

"I'm still pissed I wasn't invited to the wedding," Brady smirked.

"Shut up. None of us were."

"I can't wait to have grandkids!" Chantal added excitedly.

"Ew," Jack muttered.

"Grandkids? Who's pregnant?" Freya asked sleepily, wiping the crusty bits from her eyes.

"You!"

"Me? I'm very much not pregnant," she laughed.

"Soon enough," Matthew teased, holding onto her hand.

"WHAT?!"

[aliaology]

I have a request, Could you do where the reader is Luke's twin sister and they are it is there 21st birthday and Jack and Quinn are there to celebrate with them and Luke and the reader both get really drunk and Jack and Quinn take care of the when they are both drunk and hungover

Also love your fic's read them every time you post

ofc babes <3 and thank you, im so glad you like them! <3 means a lot to me <33

fyi, ive NEVER drank before lolz so idk much bought it and i don't know what anyones tolerance here would be, so just know this is all fake and its not realistic. this is also short because idk what else to add. </3

DRUNKEN AFFECTION (PLATONIC)

you didn't get to see your brothers that often, not with you still finishing up your few years at university of michigan and them either living in new jersey or vancouver. it was hard to say the least, especially being so far away from your literal other half; the one whom you (sometimes unfortunately) had to share the womb with. luke hughes was your best friend, and your twin. you couldn't live without the guy.

but now it is currently september 14th of 2024, a saturday, and while jack, luke and quinn should be at their respective homes, they all came up to michigan to celebrate yours and lukes birthday that happened just a few days ago. of course, you would've wanted to celebrate your birthday with luke, on said day, but schedules didn't align well and if you did it before, you legally wouldn't be able to drink. though you can't say that stopped you.

you sat in the back yard, legs crossed as you held a bottle of some form of alcohol in your hand. it was late, most of the people from the party your brothers threw, were gone. it was just you, luke, jack, quinn and a few of the umich boys. with a drunken whine, you looked to jack who snagged the bottle of alcohol from your hands.

"jackk-" you frowned.

jack rolled his eyes, "this is like your what, fifth? you don't need this much, smalls."

you groaned, looking away from him. "stop calling me that."

jack just scoffed before snagging the beer from lukes hand as well. "hey!"

"you two have drank enough. you really want mom and dad to look out the window and see you guys drinking more?" quinn spoke up.

"its our birthday." luke told.

quinn was the one to roll his eyes this time. "your birthday was monday, and now your party is over. its time to settle down."

the eldest hughes sibling walked up to the three of them and gently grabbed your arm. "lets get you both to bed."

you let out a drunken gasp. "lukeyy- we should watch uhm- uhm... oh shit whats that one movie.." you began to mutter to yourself.

jack helps luke up, who stumbles slightly. "i dont want to watch some movie." luke huffed.

you frowned. "quinny, will you watch a movie with me?"

"yes, smalls, i will." you smiled.

-

quinn was quick to get you to your room. he let you change and then went to change as well. sometimes, he couldn't stand jeans. walking back into your room, you were already on your bed with the remote in your hand, and jack and luke were in there too.

"thought you didn't want to watch some movie?" quinn teased luke as he flicked the lights off and then walked to the bed.

"shut up." luke groaned.

jack let out a laugh. "got him to his room and he already missed her. he acted like he does when we leave to new jersey."

quinn snickered, taking his spot on the other side of you. "can't blame him, they are freakishly attached to the hip."

"we are right here, by the way." you huffed.

"we know." the two eldest said.

you let out a huff of air. "you guys are lucky we love you."

jack smiled at his sister, slinging an arm around her and pulling her in. "we love you guys too, even if you're annoying as hell."

[thequeenofuselessinformation]

So basically the entire character list of The ballad of songbirds and snakes is the exes from hell

1. Coriolanus Snow

-Mansplain Manipulate Manwhore

-Great hair and fashion sense

-Love bombs you

-Old money

-His (grand)mom hates you because her son can do no wrong so clearly you're the problem

-His favourite hobby is emotional and mental abuse

-Snitches on you when cheating at family board game night (he's deflecting that he's also cheating)

-Emotionally stagnant (narcissist with mommy and daddy issues)

2. Sejanus Plinth

-Loves you to bits, so does his mom (your waistline will never truly recover)

-Indecisive about where to grab dinner always

-New money and it shows in his insecurity

-Supportive asf

-Breaks up with you because he can't be with a non pacifist/vegan

-Daddy issues

-Condemns Shein hauls

-Identity crisis every other week, you'll have to talk him out of a buzz cut, jumping off the ledge or giving all his money to scammers (if you collect all the stamps you'll get a financial compensation from his dad on the wedding day)

3. Lucy Gray Baird

-Her Ex is a dick, will stalk and harass you

-Her family is a bunch of hippies, will make you eat with your hands, on the floor, while singing Kumbaya

-Sings you to sleep, braids your hair

-Almost poisoned you thrice cause she doesn't understand you shouldn't mix cleaning products together

-Old soul

-Thrifts, recycles

-Puts salt in your coffee after arguments

-Ghosts you after your make or break argument

4. Casca Highbottom

-Never asks about your day, his is always worse

-Drug addict in denial

-Weird beef with his old classmate's son (he never lets anything go)

-Dislikes people, which would be fine if you weren't included

-Always on some sardonic shit, probably a business major with a psych minor

-His pills take all the space in the shared bathroom, your makeup will be shoved in the far lowest drawer next to the TP

-His ancient ass coworkers hit on you at symposiums, he's too high off bathroom cocaine to stop them (or gets off, either way you're tired and want home)

5. Dr Gaul

-Devil Incarnate

-You somehow rizzed her up at a function and she's been showing up at your house ever since (you don't how but she has both the address and a key)

-Petting zoo type of owner

-She always smells like chemicals and latex

-Asks you unhinged "Would you rather" questions and refuses to drop it (makes your Would you love me if i were a worm ex cute by a long shot)

-Will perform experiments on you without your knowledge or consent

-Insists her pet snake shares your bed

-Freak in the streets and the sheets (the restraining order won't even go through cause she's in cahoots with half the Government)

-Definitely wanted for war crimes somewhere, the G in Geneva convention stands for Gaul

6. Lucky Flickerman

-A clown.

-His hair and skincare products take over the entire bathroom/vanity

-He can't dress to save his life, but he sure thinks he can

-Golden retriever boyfriend energy

-Steals your concealer, refuses to admit it

-Would you like to see a magic trick? What do you mean this is a serious fight, there's a quarter up your nose

-Impulsive buyer, has 13 snow globes of panem because they were on sale and looked shiny

-Even his pet thinks he's a dumbass

-Cries during movies

7. Tigris

-Yes she do the cooking, yes she do the cleaning

-Insecure about her appearance (critical, will cost you)

-Her family is a bunch of snobs

-Anything she touches turns into gold

-Her cousin can do no wrong, you have to accommodate everything for him or she'll die (and he never even visits, "just in case")

-Her grandmother is a package deal, I hope you like boomer propaganda and info commercials early on Sunday morning

-Empathetic asf

-Puts everyone's needs above hers (and unfortunately yours)

[dreameryfics]

JJ MAYBANK x READER

Summary: You and JJ finally talk after three weeks

It's been three weeks since JJ and I talked. He went completely silent on everybody, but especially me after he got arrested. His dad stole something and JJ took the blame since he was with him. Luke is an asshole, but JJ still loves him. I had tried to ask the Pogues if they'd talked to him but he wasn't talking to any of us. I tried going to his house, but nobody was ever there. His phone was left at John B's place, so none of us knew where he was either.

I was down at the beach with Kie and Sarah. They have been trying their best to keep my mind off JJ and it works for the most part; but then I'm in my bed, alone and all I can think about is him. I tried my hardest to listen to what they were saying, but I couldn't focus on what was being said. "Hey, I think I'm going to head back home," I looked to Sarah and Kie, "I hate to be that person, but I'm just tired." I saw the sadness in their eyes.

They knew I was going to look around the island in hopes of finding that blonde mop of hair around town. "Hey, don't worry about it," Sarah told me pulling me into a much-needed hug. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, "Let us know if you find him," Kie said before joining the hug. I let go of them both and nod at them before walking back to my car. I got in and spent the next hour driving around, with no luck.

I pulled up to the park where JJ and I had our first date, knowing he would sometimes come here to get away. I'd checked almost every night, just hoping he would be there. We had been together for two and a half years now, but we've been friends since fourth grade. He was my best friend. I couldn't imagine a world without him in it, but that's how it felt. He wasn't anywhere to be found. I was losing hope at this point.

I turned off my car and got out, walking down the sidewalk. "JJ!" I yell, knowing it won't do any good. He wasn't here, he hasn't been here. I sit down on the bench and put my head in my hands, letting the tears fall and my sobs ring out into the silent night. I sit there for what feels like forever, but it's only been 13 minutes when I hear the grass crunch behind me.

I quickly stand up and turn around. I am met with those beautiful blue eyes I've been searching for. "Hey," JJ says under his breath looking down at his feet. I don't know what to say; on the one hand, I'm overjoyed to see him, but on the other hand, I'm so mad at him. I walk over to him and he looks at me with an unreadable face. "JJ, you haven't talked to me for over three weeks," I say to him, trying not to let the anger on my face show, "What the hell?"

"I know, and I'm sorry," he says looking deeply into my eyes, "I don't know what to say. It was stupid." I scoff at his response and roll my eyes, "JJ, stupid is underselling it a little, don't you think?" He looks back down at the ground again, "Listen, I couldn't face you. You're better off without me." I could hear the sadness in his voice, but I couldn't help it.

"JJ, don't fucking do that," I shout at him, "You do not get to decide if I'm better off without you. That is not your damn decision to make." He tries to talk but I quickly shut him down, "JJ, just listen to me. I love the everloving shit out of you and I always will, so don't ever think my life would be better without you in it, because I promise you it wouldn't." I felt a few tears fall down my face as he took his hat off and looked at me with sad eyes.

"These last three weeks have been fucking miserable without you J, ask literally anybody. I've been a shell of myself without you. Hell, if you want to break up, you just have to tell me, because I can handle that. What I can't handle is you disappearing from my life with no warning." I was sobbing at this point, "I thought you were dead and I'd never get to see your face again. Do you know how that feels? Thinking you'll never get to see the person you love the most again? It sucks."

I turn away from him, knowing if I stay facing him, I'll keep talking. I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me close to him. I rest my face against his forearm and close my eyes. We stay like that for a few minutes until I calm down. I turn to face him and place my palm against his face; wiping away the stray tears with my thumb. He places a kiss to my forehead before pulling me into a hug. "I'm so sorry," he says, "I know that's not enough, but that's all I have."

"I know," I say into his arms, "just please, I'm begging you, please don't ever shut us out again. This wasn't okay." I feel him pull away and hold onto my shoulders. I look up at him and he nods his head, "I won't ever shut you out again. I was just scared you would look at me differently." I gave him a confused look before responding, "Why would I look at you differently?"

I take his hand and walk back to my car, knowing the Pogues are going to want to see him too. "JJ, I would never think of you differently for what you did. As much as I can't stand your dad, I know you love him and would do anything for him. I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner; you taking the rap for him. I am surprised you shut us all out though. We've all been worried sick about you." I start the car and start driving to the Chateau, JJ agreeing to go see them.

"They're going to bite my head off," he says. I chuckle and nod my head. "I'm not expecting you to just all of a sudden be okay, but is there any chance you can forgive me?" JJ looks over at me. He looks hopeful, "JJ, this is something we need to talk about more," he nods his head at me and looks back at the road, "but for tonight, I'm just happy you're okay." I grab his hand and squeeze it.

It doesn't take long to get to the Chateau. We walk hand-in-hand into the run-down house to be met with shocked faces from everybody. JJ was immediately bombarded with hugs from everybody. It only took a second for him to be yelled at though for going AWOL. I knew we still needed to have a serious chat, but for right now, he was back with his family; who all happened to be yelling at him, but in a loving way.

I kinda sorta hate this, but it is what it is. Thanks, writer's block and generalized anxiety:) This is also shorter than my normal, so I might go back and edit it once my brain starts working properly again...

[anonymous-existences]

Chapter 3 : Love Advices And a Creepstick™

I'm going Insane, Anyways. Enjoy this Long ass Chapter.

[𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚁𝚘𝚠, 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚢, 𝚁𝚎𝚍 𝙷𝚘𝚘𝚍'𝚜 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚏]

Dan was walking to Crime Alley with his long Hair tied up in a bun, he puts on his Red Crimson Cap and put his gun In a holster hidden under his shirt hanging by his belt for safety precautions. "Oi! Sup Dan." He heard Hood from afar on top of a fire exit, Dan waves by tipping his hat up. Dan still wore a mask as to not attract too much attention to the albinism features he showcases. "I heard you needed me from The Chron(Clockwork) Man." Hood laughs as he hopped out of the fire exit and heading to Dan. "Don't worry it's not babysitting this time." Dan chuckles and pats Hood's Head as they walked Jason's apartment discreetly, Dan already know Jason was Red Hood because of them sparring and Dan accidentally using his "meta" fire powers and burning half of the Mask.

"I still feel guilty for burning your first mask." Dan mutters and Hood laughs waving that off, "Think of it like payback when I tried to stab you for being suspicious and it also convinced me to finally get a new mask so it's fine." Jason laughed and Dan pats his head. Jason took off his mask, "so what's up?" He plopped on the couch. "I need courting advices.... How do you court a man?" Dan says and Jason almost choked on his soda in surprise. "Damn, on your age? How old are they?" Jason asks hesitantly, "I am not that type of person... And also the same age as me." Dan says as he opened a bag of chips and lowers his face mask to eat as they watched Telenovelas in Jason's Apartment.

"Why do you think I know anything about that...?" Jason tilts his head, "Oh please, if you swore your on your brothers lives and say you're not gay they'd die." Dan states earning him a pillow to the face. "It's true, you're quite zesty with Roy at times." Jason scoffed, "I am not he has a kid for god's sake—" Jason combs his hair, "uh-huh but still... How do you court someone?" Dan asks again much more amused tone this time. "Flowers, gifts, serenade them if you must." Jason says casually as If Dan wasn't some rich Dad. "Jason... I'm... I'm a single father, and that man also has many kids. We're the same age. I've fucked him—" Jason gagged, "Ew, don't tell me about your love life dad— I mean Dan. DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!" Jason threw more pillow and Dan just laughs, Jason has called him dad in rare but more common occasions and the excuse will always be, "I ONLY CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE DAN AND DAD HAVE ONE LETTER DIFFERENCES!!" Jason scoffed in anger and Dan just nods as he caught all the pillows being thrown at him.

Jason looks so much like when Danny was younger, white hair streak, Black Messy and Puffy Hair, Trauma Scars and more, Vigilantism type of shtick, even the Autopsy Scar and Baby Blue Eyes. "You look so much like Danny... Maybe he'll grow up to look like you." Dan smiles and Jason finally eases down, "but as I was fucking saying you old timer. You can court men with either cute meets or something. Act like it's a coincidence, say it must be fate or hell.... According to the Telenovelas we are watching send him love letters." Jason sat back down and settled himself deep in the soft pillows of the couch as they continued to watch the drama.

"Oh my god, Kristina has a twin sister?Al and She and Her Husband didn't know?? HE'S BEEN FUCKING HU—" Dan watching the twists "HE FUCKED HER TWIN SISTER INSTEAD OF HER IN THEIR WEDDING NIGHT AND BOTH OF THEM GIRLS ARE PREGNANT???" Both Dan and Jason Gasped Loudly and Dramatically, this was something they didn't expect to happen as a twist in their favorite telenovela. "¿Qué carajo acaba de pasar?" Dan mutters and Jason shrugged still mouth agape, "i swear to my brothers ungodly unfortunate love lives this wasn't something I expected either. There was no hints but, THAT FILLS IN THE PAST PLOTHOLES!!" Jason yelled and opened another bag of chips.

"What if I adopt you?" Dan asks suddenly and Jason looked at him with a nonchalant "are you serious?" Face and sighed, "Too late I'm already adopted also I'm in my 20s fuck you dad— DAN— DAMMIT—" Jason cursed and Dan laughed. "who are you crushing on anyways?" Jason asks as he calms down as he starts eating his chips.

"Specifically who did you fuck?" Jason mutters.

"Bruce Wayne."

Dan casually says and Jason just stared at him, "MY DAD?!" Jason yells in shock, "Bruce Wayne is your DAD?!" Dan yelled back, "YES BITCH! MY NAME IS JASON PETER TODD-WAYNE!!" Jason yells as he stood up and points at himself still shocked, "OH IM SORRY BUT I DONT DO BACKGROUND CHECKS ON EVERYONE!!" Dan yelled back and both men sighed. "So let me settle this straight.... You fucked MY Dad. And then... You want to court him? Jesus Christ Spare me today. When will you ever spare me of these types of bullshit?" Jason pinches the bridge of his nose and groans in defeat, "So that's what the little Brat was talking about..." Jason just drags his hand down his face and Dan tilts his head.

"Which one?" Dan asks and continues to watch the telenovela as if he didn't just find out He's planning to court Jason's Dad, Brucie-Fucking-Wayne but okay— "Stabby Stabby and Sleep Deprived." Jason just dialing someone. "Let me call someone to process this information for me." Jason sighs "it's not that ba—" Jason shots him a glare "YOU FUCKED MY DAD AND WANT TO COURT HIM! THAT'S WHAT'S BAD FOR ME—" Jason just yelled. "I mean you already call me your Father as well so why not—" Dan was cut off by Jason throwing his slipper at him, "that's rude." Dan laughs and throws it back at Jason who catches it and steps out the apartment to answer his calls. "Dick." Jason answers, "Okay so B isn't possessed or A Clon—" Jason cuts him off, "Dick. Listen. Remember the Guy I said is like a second father figure to me?" Jason says hesitantly. "Yeah...?" Dick Says slowly trying to get the hint of what Jason is about to say.

"He's the one who Got B like that. The one who forced B into Bed Rest for a Sore Back." Jason states and is met with a yell of shock, "WHAT??!? THE NICE BIG GUY?? THE GUY WHO IS TALLER THAN BRUCE?!?! THEEE DAAAN??!?" Dick just questioning, "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND YES HIM DICK." Jason yelled back, "Okay... Okay.... I know for a fact that Even Damian has Met Dan— and approved of him being around Us because he is very Kind and Caring and Also his sister is badass and also because He's badass when he needs to and the baby bat thought it was cool— BUT WHAT?!" Dick just having mixed emotions stirring in his chest, I mean how do you process the guy who is both. Heart of gold and Has Had Blood Bathed Hands be— WHAT—.

"Exactly My reaction and this bitch just told me he wants to Court Bruce." Jason groaned loudly, "Oh My God... This is Wild! this is amazing. LET'S push FOR IT! HE'S A GOOD MAN!!" Dick laughs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN PUSH FOR IT?!" Jason just wanted to strangle or shake Dick if he was even there but he sighs in defeat.

"Gods Have Mercy On My Fucking Sanity." He taps his feet on the floor in irritation and also slowly considering it. "Yeah... The Man's good and his sister forced most of my guys into therapy with her for free. Alfred needs a teammate and she can be that teammate." Jason just started chuckling, visibly and mentally scheming about how they can use Jazz to Put the Batfam into Therapy.

News Rolled around the Television, Joker has escaped again. ".... Jazz is so gonna be pissed...." Dan mutters and Jason just nods in agreement as he comes back inside the apartment, "isn't he, her patient?" Jason asks, "Yeah, she beats him with a Sandal if he doesn't behave and she takes away his Pinkie Pie Collection that she bribes him with. She has full authority over the man and I couldn't be more terrified of my own sister." Dan sighs then suddenly he stood up stunned. "... Something's wrong though.... Something's wrong." His Dad Senses? Fraid Senses? Whatever it was it is tingling and bells ringing like crazy and he wasn't fond of that feeling, "I'll try your love advices Jaylad, I might just become your Stepfather ya know." Dan laughs, "as long as you force my family into therapy I absolutely am in for it." Jason laughed and watched Dan jump out of the 3rd floor apartment and bolt out of the alley.

[𝙹𝚊𝚣𝚣 𝙿𝙾𝚅]

She lost Danny and Ellie in the crowd of panicking people, an explosion on the right side of the mall occured, Jazz turn on her phone and comms to start tracking the two kids. She yelled out their names but she dragged with the crowd, Her Worry was begining to stir up in her chest, worsening by the second she does not have her sights on them.

"Danny! Ellie!" She cried out, tears forming at the edge of her eyes frantically looking around in a panic, "Auntie..." She heard through the comms in Ellie's Dress. "Hic... I'm scared.... The clown man is looking for us... Danny hit his head and won't wake up.... Hic.." Ellie says her voice trembling in fear.

"I-I'll come find you Ellie, where are you— please tell me—" Jazz heaves desperately, "I-I don't know... It's Da—"

"Found you~"

Ellie screamed and the comms was cut off, "Ellie!" Jazz yelled out but soon realized their communication was cut off.

Jazz could feel her blood pumping, she opened a pocket portal and pulled out her Phantom CreepStick™, her eyes felt as though at any moment it's gonna glow a neon green, her body was trembling in anger.

"I'm gonna kill that fucking clown..." She mutters under her breathe, she forcedfully walked her way through the crowd of people until there was no more, She snuck out the mall seamlessly without anyone noticing her presence at all as if though she never existed at all

She furrowed her brows her heart filled with rage, "I will not let anyone... Hurt my family ever again." She mutters under heavy breathes as she tracks Ellie's and Danny's Location through her phone.

The tears on her tears rolled and she wipes them her face turning serious and almost devoid of any sympathy or mercy. She dials Dan's Number who answered immediately, "They're on the News." Dan says as he bolted to where the location is saying Danny and Ellie was being hostage by The Joker.

Joker was Monologuing as Jazz expected in the 'Live Stream', "I'm heading there now.... He's talking about you and Bruce Wayne's Fucking One night stand, Dan. Just so you know once Vlad wakes up I'll let him deal with you." Jazz sternly voiced out as she felt a low growl under her breathe, so aggresive yet so calculative.

Dan growled on the phone as he watched the so called stream, Sam was on the line, "Tucker found em and pinpointed which floor they're located." Sam was floating from afar on top of a building, "I see Batman and Nightwing. And an Extra Red Hood heading to the same location. Aren't they fast but will they be useful? No idea. "

"I'll Beat Joker Myself. Im almost there. I stole someone's bike." Jazz says over the Comms, "You stole something— did you atleast pay for it?" Sam asks, "I Gave them an envelope of Money." Jazz states, "Makes Sense." Dan says, he was bolting with his bike to The Location absolutely breaking every speeding law as he does so.

Sam floated over to the Abandoned Warehouse and Saw Batman trying to assess the situation but to no avail the kids are currently surrounded by Poisonous gas filled canisters in a tube that could kill their small bodies with ease, Ellie was sobbing. "Tucker. There's poison gas bombs. Like poison gas bomb contraptions, I'm waiting for you Jazz."

Dan Growls in the comms and Jazz reaches the abandoned warehouse first, any goons of Joker she came across she knocked out with ease. "Danny's still unconscious, Ellie is too scared to go intangible, Grab Em Sam." Jazz orders and Jazz Hummed an Approval and she swooped in and went visible for a moment grabbing Danny and Ellie and going invisible with the two children before the poisonous gas he apparently concocted kicks in and fully kill the two.

Joker was confused, he thinks it's something Batman Did and Jazz with her Creepstick Dragged it across his face sending him to the wall, she was heaving filled with adrenaline and she charged at Joker and Hit him again, all live on TV. Red hood was there only because it was joker and he babysits those two babies and He's cheering for Jazz as she fully knocked the Crazy Clown Up with her Now bloody Metal Bat.

She whips her head around and glares at Batman, "You're too slow. You don't wait until something happens Batman." Jazz muttered, her eyes feeling as tho they're piercing right through their souls. Jazz picks up her bat again and threw it at the camera that was recording live and Destroyed it, the Bat even sticking to the wall.

"Brutal" Tucker says over the Comms. Jazz sways her hair and walks away as she picks up her Bat and Pulls it out of the wall. "Hood list that as number 29 of the many reasons why I shouldn't piss her off ever again." Nightwing says, "On it." Hood confirms and Sam became Visible again and Let's the two kids run to Jazz, Jazz's gaze softened and she gasps for air in relief and kisses their foreheads and hugging them tightly, Danny was silent but he cried upon realization of what almost happened, Ellie couldn't stop sobbing her eyes out and Hood Approached them casually and Just Stood beside Jazz.

"Hood should I call the police?" Sam asks and pulls out a phone, "yeahhhh, do that Manson" Hood affirms her and She nodded and dialed the Police Number. "Dan's Incoming." tucker says through the comms again and Dan destroyed the wall beside Jazz, he took was filled with adrenaline as the twins called out to him and jumped in his arms.

Jazz slowly stood up and dusting her knees and dress, "Shopping for toys turning into I beat the joker to near death for the 15th time since the month I've been here in Gotham." Jazz sighs and Dan was sobbing whilst hugging the twins.

Jazz looked at Batman who was already behind her. They talked and Batman almost asks to recruit her for her talents but Jazz refused, "I like the little bit of normalcy that's left in my life thank you." She waves the Big Bat Off. " I already retired from the Part-Vigilantism Shtick when I was 18." she blurts out, "Same" the Goth girl, possibly Gothamite Sam Manson Yawned.

Half an hour later and the Police Arrived to arrest the goons and Joker (Again), they did not fight back this time due to Jazz's Supervision, truly a terrifying woman when serious, this is why she was always fit for the job in Arkham Asylum.

Batman tried to recruit Jasmine again but she refused again, "As I said Big Bat, I don't plan to become anyone's hero again. I'm quite fine with supervising the Rogues and helping those mentally insane sentient people the comfort of understanding." She sighs softly and Sam was beside Dan who was hugging Danny and Ellie, they would arrest Dan for breaking speeding laws but for now they couldn't because of the reasons and his sister's Successful immediate apprehension of the Joker.

"He's no joker, If he himself is the Joke." Sam jokes and Dan chuckled slightly. Batman couldn't stop glancing at Dan occasionally, "B I swear to fucking Gotham Gods." Hood was judging Batman, "I am doing nothing wrong Hood." He states and Hood just groans in annoyance totally done with the Man's Antics.

"I babysit his kids, I can always set you two up—" Jason suggests but Dick Interrupts, "Hood it's not the time to suggest dating advice to B, he's not even good at Keeping a wife—" Batman shot them both a glare accompanied with a slight scowl at that comment.

Clockwork or 'Chrono' soon stopped by the location to pick up his 'Wards', Dan slowly hopped inside the car gently placing an exhaust Danny and Ellie down in the Backseat and putting them in their seatbelts, Sam also hopped in. "CW, I need to take my bike with me, I'll follow you all home okay?" Dan raises his head and looks at Clockwork and the Man nods, "Ofcourse, Master Dan, I'll also tell them that you went out to buy them something so make sure to come home with some food they'll like." Clockwork reminds him and Dan smiles.

"Ofcourse." Dan sighs in relief, "Since I stole someone's bike im also taking it home." Dan puts her helmet back on and Nodded at Jazz before driving off before Clockwork. The police started asking Jazz questions, She Was very cooperative with their questions and even came to the precinct for more questions to be answered.

"See B, you lost the chance to ask out the Big Hunk of A Family Man Mixed with Possible "I'll kill for my family" mentality." Hood lectured Batman again and Batman just Grunts in disapproval and denial. "My interest is not headed that way Hood." Batman merely hums out and patting Hood's Shoulder, Batman could feel that Hood just rolled his eyes behind his mask and Nightwing Chuckled in visible amusement, "We should head back to the cave now." Nightwing reminds them and Batman grunts in what they could only assume was an Approval to Nightwing's suggestion.

[𝙱𝚊𝚝𝙲𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙿𝙾𝚅]

"Joker just got his ass beat live by an auntie of the two kids he kidnapped." Red Robin blurted out holding back a laugh, "And I assume it's going Viral Red?" Robin asks as he walked closer to the Bat-Computer, Red Robin bursting out laughing was enough approval that it indeed was going Viral.

"A bat.. Uncultured Choice of Weapon but it's Better than nothing." Robin states and Red Robin kept laughing before eventually he fell out of his seat. Black Bat was walking to them in confusion as she sees Red Robin on the floor, "Sane?" She asks Robin, "Yes Yes. He's sane, in his words I shall state, "Joker just got his Arse Beat" and it is now going trending and Viral with the Tags "#BeatThatClown" and "#StanningJazzMasters" which seems to be the name of the woman who put joker in a near death situation." Robin sighs as Red Robin kept Laughing.

"it's absolutely everywhere right now Cass, it's so funny, She even Told Big B that he was slow." Spoiler laughed and helped Red Robin stand up as he slowly calmed his Laughing.

"Jasmine Masters, she's an odd Individual. She works at Arkham Asylum as one of the top psychiatrists to have helped many of the asylum's population become 'normal' again to society's standards of Sanity." Robin states as he does a minor background check on the girl through another laptop.

"Perhaps The Masters Family are just full of odd and peculiar People." Robin shuts his Laptop and scrolling through the posts of Joker Memes slowly being posted one by one of the Man getting Beat Up.

"People are fascinating creatures of unhinged intellect." Robin mutters and Spoiler Scoffs, "you're talking as if you're not a 'people' as well" She rolls her eyes and Robin just huffs and glared at her. "There will be no Stabbing Master Damian." Alfred interrupts them as he placed 4 plates of snacks on the table and left promptly not before taking away Damian's knife Making Damian groan.

"Deserved." Oracle chuckled as Damian Pouted. Black Bat just Pats Damian's head to comfort him. "I am quite alright Cain, just upset that my dearest backup weapon has been compromised by Alfred." Robin huffs and Black Bat nodded at her Baby Brother's Cuteness and Childish Antics even if it is a bit dangerous.

"Their family is so weird..." Red Robin muttered doing background checks on the Masters but he dares not to go too far unlike before. "Sometimes there's nothing sometimes there's everything... It's so suspicious." Red Robin was suspecting them of being a criminal family, "Dante Is Hood's Crime Alley Father Figure as I have checked in the Past." Robin stated and The three just looked at him with the Red Robin just baffled. "The one he accidentally calls dad when on comms?" Red Robin asks completely shocked.

"Yes Drake." Robin did not elaborate any further on the statement he randomly drops on them like a bomb despite the two being Red Robin and Spoiler trying to Bribe him or Persuade him to spill he just refuses to do so.

He turns his head away and hopped off his chair and simply goes back to the Manor and ignores the two.

"I will simply not budge for anything, and if you truly wish to know more stood bothering me with your silly antics face Todd himself." Damian scoffs.

"Goddamit." Tim curses under his breathe.

[robbinghisdick]

"Good afternoon, baby boy!" Wade cheerily greets, swinging himself over the back of the couch and dropping himself hard into Logan's lap. The older man grunts slightly, but doesn't push Wade off as the man pulls up his mask just enough to plant an exaggerated kiss on his cheek. "Where have you been all day?"

Now that he had gotten a good look at Logan's face... something was off.

Logan was quiet for a moment, considering. "Well, you know how I've been feeling sick lately?" He asked. Pain was nothing new for him. The weight of his bones and poison from the adamantium made sure to keep his body in some level of pain. One thing his healing factor prevented was illness. If he managed to get sick, he didn't stay sick for very long.

"Yeah and I said, "you should get that checked out" and you grumbled and whined like a dog being taken to the vet?"

Logan rolled his eyes and continued, "Well, turns out I'm pregnant."

It was one of those rare times Wade was rendered silent. The mask also made it annoyingly impossible to get a good read on his face.

Wade, meanwhile, was trying to gauge whether or not this was a good thing. Logan didn't seem particularly happy.

"How the fuck did we manage that?" Wade asked. "I mean, it's not like my cancer ridden body makes healthy little swimmers and you said the adamantium poisoning rendered you infertile."

"According to the doc, unless I literally don't have a uterus, there's always a freak chance," Logan sighed, leaning heavily back into the couch and running his hands over his face. "It doesn't matter either way. We can't have a baby."

Logan waited to see if Wade would agree or disagree with him. He found himself half tempted to rip the mask off so he could get a better read on him.

Who's to say the baby would even make it to term, and what then if it did? Have two dads who's lives were marked by death and tragedy? Two guys with a list of enemies a mile long and would target a kid without thinking twice? Their lives were messy and dangerous, they couldn't bring a kid into that.

There were a million reasons why they shouldn't bring a baby into the world, but that was all too much weight for Wade. "I mean, you're right, but like, what if it develops the wolverine claws in the womb and bursts out of your stomach alien-style? That'd be kinda cool."

Logan's nose crinkled in disgust, nearly shuddering at that mental image. "That's horrific, thanks."

Wade just grinned, cupping Logan's face with both hands and kissing him.

"But seriously, whatever you think is best."

...

Later that night, Logan stared up at the ceiling fan, the blade whirling at full blast because Wade insisted on snuggling despite how hot both of them ran. He was splayed out like the world's most clingy starfish, head on Logan's chest. It was clear he was still awake too as one of his fingers idly tracing over Logan's arm. This quiet, domestic routine had become the norm.

When Logan thought about it, they were truly in a better place than they had ever been before. Logan had a home and family. The mansion was a home, but this one was his. One he chose to share with Wade. He had friends who loved him, a partner that stuck with him no matter how grumpy he got. Hell, he wasn't even drinking or smoking as much as he used to.

There were still battles and hardships, but never before had there been such a strong sense of support and community.

Logan was... happy.

"Wade?"

"Hm?"

"I..." he trailed off, unsure. "I think I actually want to have the baby." He couldn't particularly explain it. For years he fought against being put in a fatherly role when it came to all the young mutants he had met and looked after. Somehow, though, the thought of going on that journey of parenthood with Wade actually seemed kind of exciting. He loved that man more than he'd ever be able to put into words.

Wade sat up so fast it made Logan flinch.

"Oh thank FUCK!" He exclaimed, reaching over and turning on the bedside lamp while he straddled Logan's lap. His eyes pratically sparkled as he looked down at Logan. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Logan stared back up, surprised. "Wait, you wanted to keep the baby?"

"Of COURSE I want to have a little baby wolverine with you!" Wade waved his hands as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Like, yeah I think we're probably not the best parent material in the world and Jesus the CHRIST is it terrifying, but I wanna be dad."

"Why the fuck did you not say anything earlier?!"

"I'm not the one carrying it!" Wade shot back. "Besides, I never thought I'd have kids anyways, so not exactly a deal breaker, sweetheart." He patted Logan on the cheek. "Also, you know how many orphaned and abandoned mutants we run into? We always had a chance. If only Laura were younger, coulda started there."

Laura was an adult by the time Wade came into Logan's as a romantic partner. She was still young, but not a kid that needed parents to look after her.

"So... we're gonna have a baby?" Wade asked, a grin on his face.

"We're gonna have a baby."

Wade surged forward to kiss Logan, enthusiasm rubbing off on him as he smiled against Wade's lips. His face was peppered with more kisses and whispered "God I love you so much."

When Wade calmed down a fraction, Logan had to bring him down a bit more. "I'm only a few months along, we don't know if the baby will even make it," he reminded him. So many things could go wrong it was terrifying.

"Nope! This little guy--gender neutral--is a little fighter!" Wade insisted, hand splaying over Logan's stomach. They're gonna make it and be beautiful, and then we get to name them something cool!"

Logan scoffed but couldn't keep the smile off his face. "We're not naming the baby after any of your cartoons."

"You are absolutely no fun," Wade pouted. "I'll sneak something by ya."

Logan just pulled Wade down into another kiss to shut him up.

...

((They name her Allura, from Voltron lmao.

Writing this has made me incredibly sad for reasons I'll say if asked, but decided not to say so y'all don't just get randomly sucker punched.

This is NOT movieverse, exactly, but just a vague timeline. Movieverse poolverine end up with the kid tho. Which you can read here.

ALSO YES I KNOW THIS IS THE 3RD BABY AU ON THIS ACCOUNT. I have problem. I don't even want kids 😭))

[cringefailvox]

staticbelle au, because this bsky art gave me brainworms. seven years pre-canon, charlie's mom and the radio demon have both disappeared, though it's too early to tell whether either of them is truly gone yet, vaggie hasn't fallen yet, and charlie is completely on her own. she's estranged from her dad, she has barely an inkling of a plan for how to save sinners, and her overwhelming compassion has nowhere to go—she wants to help people, but she doesn't know how. then she notices there's a new overlord syndicate on the rise, surging to fill the spaces the radio demon has left behind, and every window advertisement or tv commercial she sees insists that the vees want nothing more than to lend a helping hand to the downtrodden, if you would only trust them.

she's not stupid. she knows not to immediately take other demons at their word, especially not overlords, but the vees are swiftly building something she hasn't been able to accrue in two centuries: influence. sinners are listening when they talk, people are tuning into their shows and flocking to the entertainment district because it's safer than many other places in the pentagram, and charlie thinks this might be exactly what she needs. if she can convince the vees to platform her, if they're half as generous as they seem, she might have a real shot at changing people's afterlives for the better. and if they don't want to help her, then... she'll just have to be really, really convincing! no biggee!

enter vox, who cannot believe his luck. the kittens and rainbows, dumb blonde princess of hell waltzes right through his front door and offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to get into good graces with the royal family. he's greedy with alastor's absence and overeager to get his foot in the door on an even playing field with the other overlords, since bringing velvette onboard has catapulted the three of them into the mainstream and he's not about to lose his momentum now. he'll entertain her delusions, maybe give her her own talkshow segment late at night when no one who matters will be watching, forge a link between the morningstar name and the new identity he's staking out for himself in the wake of alastor's disappearance. after all, the worst that can happen is she embarrasses herself under his name and he has to swoop in and oh-so-benevolently rescue her, and it's not like val doesn't already do that every other week. plus, ratings are ratings.

so he keeps his word. he gives her a platform, albeit a limited one; he enthusiastically encourages her ideas for rehabilitating hell and privately thinks it's hysterically idiotic; he lets her deliver her pitches in musical form live on air and isn't charmed, not even a little bit. he expects that eventually she'll get discouraged and give up, and when that happens, he's going to step in with a warm smile and gently suggest that they try something a little different, a little more vox's speed, and if he can get her hand shaking his in the process then that's only a magnificent bonus.

except. charlie refuses to quit. she's not an employee, so she comes and goes as she pleases from the tower and suddenly vox's days are being interrupted by a sheepishly excitable princess who has a new script for him to look over or a tune she wants a second opinion on and of course vox is accommodating every time, of course he's supportive, even when he's so fucking irritated he plasters on an indulgent grin and invites her in, because he's made an art form out of swallowing his real feelings for the sake of appeasing the public or valentino or alastor and this is not a relationship he can afford to jeopardize with something as trivial as hurting her feelings.

so he indulges her. he picks up one of her glitter pens and reaches over to scribble something on her illustration of all the overlords holding hands and it's all downhill from there. before he can think to pump the brakes, he's being looped into genuinely investigating what qualifies as sin and redemption for damned souls, he's having his architects draft plans for an extravagant rehabilitation hotel that makes her cry when he idly mentions it, he's sighing and enduring the way all his vulgar mugs have mysteriously been rewritten with positive messages instead (fuck hug alastor!), he's letting her lean over the rim of his pools and gasp with sheer delight over his sharks because that doesn't give him the warm and fuzzies, not at all—and he's even somewhat patiently heeding her constructive criticism about all the mind control and abusive work environments and predatory business practices that the vees engage in. like, obviously they're not going to stop, but he does talk to val and vel about toning it down a bit, at least while charlie is around. gotta keep little miss sunshine happy, right? (no one tell him that he really doesn't need to be doing all this, he won't listen.)

meanwhile, charlie has gone full starry-eyed dreamer with vox's backing. for the first time, someone is genuinely supporting her, even if that person is an evil capitalist who sometimes feeds his employees to his sharks and is definitely hypnotizing people with his ads but, uhh. everyone has flaws!! and doesn't it kind of balance out, if he's helping her figure out how to redeem people, ensuring her ideas have real power and structure behind them, and even limiting some of the fucked up shit his partners do for her sake? maybe he's not doing it for the right reasons, but he IS doing good, and shouldn't that matter? charlie absolutely thinks it does. she didn't really intend for vox to be her first case study for proving that every sinner has the capacity to be better when given the opportunity, but like hell is she NOT going to milk this for all it's worth for as long as it takes for vox to realize that he's committed to the bit too hard and actually. Likes her. and wants her to succeed. and feels his mood lift when she's in the room. and may or may not be addicted to making her happy. g-d fucking dammit

all this to say that one day, when he presents her with the operational plans for the grand opening of the happy hotel, and she exclaims "oh my gosh, thank you thank you thank you" and leans up on her toes to kiss the corner of his screen before tackling him into a hug, and his screen explodes with pink pixelated hearts—well, he's well and truly fucked himself. whoops! the princess of hell is your girlfriend now. yeah, you've lost the plot. mazel tov