#hell I send my mom tumblr posts all the time

[polyamorouspunk]

you got games on yo phone?

*smacks you*

[wh0relibrarian]

sunshine

a/n: a continuation of this post, although altered to be a summer break instead of winter. completely got lost in that 😭 please excuse any informalities, i’m still getting used to writing in second person (or smut for that matter), and tumblrs post format! so don’t be mean ;(

context (if you don't want to read the previous post): Reader is visiting her hometown for the summer. A rising grad student who just so happens to bump into Sukuna at the airport. After quick introductions, he gives her his number in case she gets too lonely...

content ahead: southern sukuna au, black coded!reader, afab!reader, d referred to as dick bc i don’t like using “cock”, v referred to as cunt or pussy, age gap (reader in her early 20s, sukuna is in his early 30s), cowgirl, daddy kink, rough!sukuna (but he’s still a softie), needy!reader, clit stimulation, nicknames such as sweetheart, princess, baby/babydoll, creampie, ass/face slaps, lots of praise, a decent amount of plot

word count: 3.9k

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You’ve been texting Sukuna for a week now. Off and on, trying not to seem too interested, but interested enough to keep his attention. It sucked that he was a man very obviously out of touch with technology, because you can’t find pictures of him anywhere. Not even a Facebook page. You’ve just been grasping at straws, trying to remember each detail of his face. Each tattoo. You didn’t even get enough time to admire the one’s on his face, way too engulfed in his general appearance.

And oh, Sukuna. That poor man. He knew from the moment he saw you that you’d keep him up at night. From the curvature of your lips— only being the opening act to the beautiful smile you had hidden beneath. He tries to remember what color your shirt was, but can only remember how plump your tits looked. Practically spilling out of a… tank top? Or maybe it was a crop top. You had a jacket on, which he knows was gray because you kept trying to wrap it around your waist like you were embarrassed by your body. He couldn’t figure out why, though. You’re beautiful from head to toe, every part of you.

But today, today was the day you’d ask him to take you out. Or just ask to go out in general. Hell, you’d take anything at this point.

You: Hiii Sukuna. How’s your wrist feeling? I know a couple days ago you said it was progressively getting worse, any updates?

Sukuna: Hey babydoll. I think it’s all good now. Nothin a lil icyhot can’t fix. How are you?

You: I’m happy to hear that :) and I’m okay, just bored, per usual.

Sukuna: Ya know I’m always around.

You: It’s funny you mention that… I was wondering if you were busy later today? Or tonight. Either or, whatever works best for you. If you would even want to do anything of course.

Sukuna: City girl finally ready to get some sunshine?

You: Don’t make fun of me 😑

Sukuna: Oh I’d never do such a thing. Are you free right now? My lunch break’s comin up, could use the company.

You: Yes I am! I can be ready in 15, I’ll send my address.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You weren’t as nervous as you thought you’d be. You know you looked good, you felt good. You put on a casual outfit, just a pair of bell bottoms and some old t-shirt your mom left around. This wasn’t a date, and you didn’t want to scare him, so you treated it like a normal hang out with a friend.

He picked you up in an old pickup truck, run down from the years spent riding on dirt roads and an occasional swamp. (Things can get messy the further south you go.) It was normal where you’re from to have at least one beat up truck per household, so his car was not a problem. You were all smiles, nearly skipping your way to the passenger side. Sukuna rolled down the window and he too had a bright toothy smile plastered on his face. It almost looked malicious, but you overlooked it once you got in. Something about his presence had you in a trance, you couldn’t focus on anything else but him.

When you opened the door, he stretched his arm out to help you into the chair. You made it a point to act as if you were struggling to get in and shut the door, nerves suddenly keeping you from wanting to look him straight in the eye. “Damn sweetheart… just look at you,” he said while leaning his body back, taking a moment to take in your appearance. “Hiii Sukuna, you aren’t too bad yourself,” you said giggling.

“We’re just goin’ up to Milo’s, hope that’s luxury enough for ya.”

“You think I came dressed like this for somethin’ luxury?”

“Well if that ain’t luxury, I’d be curious to see what is.”

Smirking, Sukuna went back to putting his full focus on the road. The butterflies in your stomach had died down, finding his presence incredibly inviting and safe. You were looking out the window for a while, until his hand found yours which was resting on your thigh. You turn around to him surprised, only to see his eyes still trained on the road in front of him. His hand clasped yours and gripped it tight, and you found the silence warm, like a gentle hug you wanted to last forever.

The lunch date was sweet. You both ordered cheeseburgers, fries, and a large sweet tea; reveling in its taste since it had been some time since you had genuine sweet tea. He started asking you about your schooling, learning that you’re majoring in business and will soon start working on your master’s degree. This charmed him— you were both alike even if it was in different ways. You’ve always provided for your mother, and so has he. You won’t stop reaching new opportunities, and neither will he. As the date went on his attraction only grew deeper. Your physical appearance did not mean much to him, you were to die for, but right now he wanted to know every single thing about you and didn’t care about anything else.

But… this wasn’t to say he’s not a curious man.

When ordering the food, you took a step back to look at the entire menu. This caused your skin tight shirt to rise up ever so slightly, showing off your cute tummy and belly button piercing. You noticed him staring, and he was never one to lie.

“Sukuna, order some damn food and stop looking at me like that,” you slapped his large bicep jokingly, making that same smirk from earlier slowly grow on his face.

“Mmm, you hidin’ that accent from me girl. Soundin’ so pretty bossin’ me around.”

You could tell the cashier felt a bit awkward at this point, so you pushed Sukuna in front of you to get him to focus.

Even though he would have moments like those, you didn’t feel like he was objectifying you. It never became the focal point of your conversations. It seemed like he was genuinely interested in getting to know you and it made you feel so… different. Sure you were young, but you’d never experienced such a natural yet interesting conversation with a man. You were shocked by it, to say the least, and it only made you want him more.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

After that day, you two were basically inseparable. He made it a point to try and see you after work, and if there was a day where he couldn’t do it, he’d make it up to you x2 the next day. He immediately started spoiling you, whether it was food or sending you money for new makeup, it’s like he couldn't do enough for you. You were always beyond grateful, and would even tell him to tone it down a bit, but he’d always say, “Princesses deserve princess things.”

It’d been around four weeks of this, the dates would get more romantic, and his time with you only more cherished. Although the flirting continued to grow, he never made a move on you. You definitely didn’t want to be the one to initiate anything. Maybe there was a reason for him not wanting to get physical, but not even a kiss? It was killing you at this point, every night you spent just dreaming of what his pretty lips felt like on yours. Not being able to help your hands traveling down to your aching pussy. You were so horny it hurt, and nothing you did could satiate the feeling; knowing good and well that his fingers— let alone his dick could reach spots you didn’t even know were there. Your own fingers would suffice for now, but you would be leaving in just a few weeks, you needed to know what Ryomen Sukuna was like in bed.

So, the next time he picks you up, you make sure to look drop dead gorgeous (not like he didn’t think that about you regardless.)

A few days ago, he paid for your hair and nail appointments. Large knotless braids with curly pieces coming out of them, and the prettiest french tip set you’d ever got done. You told him you wanted everything to be a surprise, and that you were planning to get a new outfit as well AND that he didn’t have to send you money for that. But you know he did anyway. The plan for this night was a drive-in movie closer to the heart of the city rather than where you both resided. There was a wing place you loved, different shops, and the movie would be the last activity.

After picking up a new sundress, a black one with thin straps and a slit at the bottom, you felt confident enough that tonight would go well. You took a shower when you got home, lathered your skin with shea butter from head to toe, and put on all the gold jewelry you owned.

There’s no way he wouldn’t want to fuck you dumb.

As always, dinner with Sukuna was to die for. He was such a gentleman, making sure to pull your chair out for you, telling you to get whatever you wanted from the menu. “Don’t be scared sweetheart, want you nice ‘n full.”

You shopped for a little while after, well, it was really window shopping. You felt so bad that Sukuna was paying for everything, even though he always insisted. You decided to just point out all of the things you liked, kind of like a test— if he really liked you then he’d remember all these things for a future event.

The drive-in was dead. Which I guess isn’t too surprising, you can’t remember the last time someone talked about seeing a movie here. Nonetheless, this was your dream scenario. With basically no one to catch you guys, it was the perfect breeding ground (literally.) The movie was some rom-com looking thing in black and white which you begged to watch, only because you knew neither of you would want to pay attention. Once he grabbed some popcorn and soda from the concession stand, he pulled up in front of the big projection, claiming he needed to be as close as possible because of his eyesight. After a few minutes of pretending to be interested, you turned to him and finally broke the ice.

“‘Kuna, do you like me?” Sukuna couldn’t believe the question.

“Of course I like you baby, why else would I be here?”

“Well,” you started, “I don’t know…”

“Oh, you know.”

“I know you like me, it’s just like— we aren’t like… you know.”

“Gonna have to use your words sweetheart.”

You looked forward as you tried to find the best way to say this, you decided to just rip the bandaid off.

“We haven’t kissed! Or anything! You just hug me or wrap your arm around my waist, but we haven’t done nothin’ ‘kuna. And I’m not sayin’ that’s any indicator of how much you like me, I’m just sayin’ it’d be ni—”

You anticipated this kiss, not only because you did everything in your power to set it up, but you could feel Sukuna’s eyes latching onto the way your lips moved while talking. His lips were just as soft as you imagined, tasting like cherry carmex and popcorn. His hand found its way to the side of your face, cupping it gently until he moved it to tilt your chin up towards him. Your mouth opened a little from the change in angle, giving Sukuna’s tongue access to the warmth yours had to offer. He melted deeper into the kiss, and so did you, as it continued to get more sloppy and wet. You could tell he was eager, swirling and dancing on the tip of your tongue, sucking it harshly like he was trying to gather as much saliva as possible. Just to pull back and have it leak out of his mouth, dripping down both his and your chin. It was downright nasty the way your fluids were colliding, but it turned you on an unbelievable amount. Whining and groaning into him, rubbing your thighs together, lacking the correct amount of friction from wearing a dress instead of pants.

Your hand started traveling to his chest and lower, and he could tell you were really riled up at this point simply from the way you were tugging on his shirt. He pulled his lips off yours, making you reach out for him still since your eyes were closed. When you opened them, you were able to see the true mess you two caused. Sukuna was drooling, his heavy lidded eyes not daring to move from your frame. His hair was everywhere, and you couldn’t be happier with your hairstyle of choice.

“Fuck baby,” he said while rubbing on the sides of your stomach, “I really need you. I’ve been needin’ you. Yer just so damn sexy, of course I’ve been wantin’ to do stuff. Just didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” He leaned in to kiss your cheek and up to the shell of your ear, “Never want you uncomfortable.”

And that sent you over, you cupped his face with both of your hands, kissing him hard. He growled from your sudden dominance, and with a few swift movements, pulled his seat back and slid you over the middle console and into his lap. Your dress hiked up to your thighs once you straddled him, allowing Sukuna to feel just how wet you were. With one hand on your face, and the other on your waist, he slowly made his way down to your cunt.

“So fuckin’ wet for me,” he whispered against your lips, making slow circles on your puffy clit. “This f’me? Say it’s for me babydoll.”

“It’s for you ‘kuna, it’s all for you. Please–” His fingers slid your panties to the side, revealing just how sticky you were for him. Your pussy was basically crying to be touched, and Sukuna was a gentleman, of course.

His mouth never left yours, left hand now resting behind your neck, while his other is furiously rubbing your bare clit. Your moans were being swallowed by Sukuna’s mouth, and when the pleasure finally got to be too much, you suddenly threw your head back with a yelp. Catching yourself immediately, you press your forehead into his.

“‘M sorry, fuck, ‘m sorry— it’s t-too much.”

“Don’t apologize princess, I love seein’ you act like this. So slutty.”

Your tits have barely been able to stay concealed in your already showy dress. They spilled out on their own from your sporadic movements, and once Sukuna could see one, he dropped everything to unveil the other and fondle them both. You kept grinding on his very hard dick, keeping up the rhythm he set up for you while he went to town on your boobs. Massaging them, pinching and flicking the nipples, mumbling things like “fuckin’ shit they’re so soft,” and “need to fuck you.” It wasn’t long before he popped one into his mouth, sucking on it, making it soo much more sensitive. You were squealing at this point, Sukuna looked up at you to see the tears forming at the corner of your eyes. With a ‘pop’ he brought his attention back to your beautiful face. Somehow fucked out just from dry humping. How cute, he thought to himself.

“Look at me, princess.” You struggled, but your eyes met his, still striving for your release. “‘M gonna fuck you, okay? Is that what you want?” You started nodding your head yes like a damn puppy.

“Need to hear you say it princess. Tell me you want it.”

“Wan’ it s-so bad baby, fuck me, I need you to fuck me.”

The thing about pick-up trucks is that there’s not really a backseat, which means you’d have to ride him right where you were. This wouldn’t have been a problem, until Sukuna quickly pulled down his pants and boxers, revealing probably the biggest dick you’ve ever seen. It was the fucking length that scared you. It wasn’t too thick, but girthy enough that it, plus his length, would have your legs shaking for days. He gave his dick slow strokes while you took off your dress, suddenly feeling embarrassed from being the only one naked. He could see you get self conscious by the way you try and hide yourself like the day he met you.

“Whatcha lookin’ at me like that for,” his eyes were still focused on yours while he prepared himself, licking his lips like he was genuinely going to eat you later.

“I can’t look at ya? You just look so damn good sweetheart. Can’t believe yer all mine.”

“You don’t have to gas me up now,” you said looking away.

“Nuh-uh,” he grabbed your cheeks and turned your face back to his, “I’ma always tell you how good you look. Don’t act so shy now baby.”

Your pussy clenched around nothing at his statement, still leaking from the previous foreplay. He pulled your forehead to his lips, kissing it tenderly, and when he let go of your face he asked you one last time if you were ready. You whisper out a shy yes and grab his dick cautiously, lining it up with your entrance as you slowly lower yourself onto it. You let out a sharp grasp as Sukuna rests his hands on the sides of your hips, trying to assist in any way he can. Once you’re close to bottoming out, he starts whispering praises.

“Doin’ so good babydoll.”

“Look at you takin’ me so well.

Every time he spoke your pussy would clench around him, making him hiss and choke back a whine. Once he was all the way inside you, you let out a breathe you didn’t realize you were holding. You raised your head to look at him instead of the way he was stretching you out. There’s that smirk again. One of his hands finds it’s way back to your clit, rubbing slow circles like before to help you relax. You were so tense but you tried to keep a level-headed face, even though it literally felt like you were being split in two.

You felt your walls get used to his size and shape, feeling them contort and mold into Sukuna’s cocksleeve. With that, you start riding him slowly, using his shoulders to stay balanced. You got the hang of it quickly and began picking up pace. He was still stimulating your clit, using his other hand to keep guiding your body up and down. It was clear that you were struggling to take him all in though, pausing every few seconds to catch your breathe or readjust yourself. And this would just not do for Sukuna.

He gripped and slapped your ass hard.

“Gotta do better than that baby.”

Smack

“C’mon sweetheart, put your fucking. back. into. it.”

Each emphasis on a word was coupled with a hard thrust and loud whines coming from the depths of your throat. The sounds you were both making at this point bounced around the truck. There wasn’t a moment of silence and you felt blissful. Lulling your tongue out just for Sukuna to catch between his teeth; moving his hand back to bully your clit, and using his free hand to grab your face and continue fucking his hips up into yours. He was growling obscenities into your ear, “Yeah baby, just like that keep fucking me like that.”

“Sukuna, please! Fuckfuckfuck I can’t,” you were bouncing on his dick beautifully, tits bouncing in unison and he truly believed you were unreal.

“Yes you can baby,” he gave your face light slaps, “keep those eyes open, keep lookin’ at me baby. Doin’ so good, I promise.” You were leaking like a faucet down his dick and balls, and with a certain thrust, you were sure he was hitting your cervix. The string of cries that came out of your mouth made him go faster, harder, knowing that he finally found the spot that makes you weak.

“Am I makin’ you feel good baby?”

“Mhmm, y-yesss, so so good.”

“Yes who?” Your eyes were crossing trying to look at him, confused at what he meant at first, but as his thrusts got rougher you knew exactly what he was getting at.

“Y-yes daddy, it feels so good.” You were slightly embarrassed by the things you were saying, the noises too. You felt so dirty, but in a good way. Searching for your release that was so close.

Sukuna was close too, but he didn’t want that to come before he made you gush all over his dick. When he found his way to your neck, kissing and biting and sucking on your precious skin, you were done.

“Fuck daddy right there!”

“Here sweetheart? You like this?”

“Yesyesyes don’t stop please don’t stop–” and with a cry you were creaming all over Sukuna’s dick. Your pussy clamped down on him so tight, he couldn’t help but look down at the beautiful mess you made all over his thighs. He kept fucking you through your orgasm, causing you to become incredibly overstimulated. Sukuna was getting close, you could tell by his relentless strokes, forgetting any type of consistent pace. His hands were on your hips now, pistoning up into you as your head rested gracefully on his shoulder.

“Mm babydoll gimme a kiss, c’mere.”

When your shaky lips met his, he was sent into overdrive.

“Fuck ‘m gonna cum. Fuck baby, where do you want it.”

Absolutely fucked out, you tried to come up with some sort of cohesive thought. “I-insi..de ‘kuna. In m-me.”

“You sure? Tell me you’re fuckin’ sure, yer milkin’ me baby.”

“I’m s-sure. Please please just cum inside me!”

“Oh, fuckkk…” Sukuna’s load filled your pussy to the brim, leaking out to coat the sides of his dick. He made you feel so full and warm. Finally stopping his thrusts, you hunch over his shoulder and he begins rubbing what feels like hearts on your back, humming into your ear how good you were for him, dick never leaving your pussy.

“Did such a good job princess. So fuckin’ good, are you an angel? Must be an angel, the way you dropped into my life like this.”

“Mmmm I’m your angel ‘kuna. I was made for you only.”

Although the moment was wholesome, your mind immediately flooded with the thought of you leaving in a few weeks.

How were you supposed to leave after this?

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hope you enjoyed ;) and let me know if i missed anything as far as my content ahead section goes!

tags: @aiyaaayei

[thebaddexample]

FILM THEORY: DEATH RETURNS TO INANIMATE INSANITY!! BUT IT'S NOT TACO OR LIGHTBULB!!

Warning, spoilers and possibly cringey or bad writing, but it's 1am for me so eh

(First off, shout-out to my mom for coming up with this idea for me to make a theory on- You're the best :3)

(Second, thumbnail by me :])

(Thirdly, I might rewrite this during the day at some point because I'm really tired, but had to get this out before I slept bcs I'd forget to otherwise)

(Fourthly, I know that this isn't a completely original idea, and people have done it already, but I wanted an excuse to make a theory and there's evidence, so I thought "why not?" It'll make people upset with me if I'm right, and I get to pretend to be Film Theory for a bit. It's a win-win!)

(You are legally required to read this post as MatPat's voice /silly /j)

————————

With the horrifying tweet that Brian made last Saturday, there's a lot of people (including you, probably) worried about who will die in the finale, the harsh battle between whether we say "bye" to a bright light, or "so long" to our sour cream schemer. My answer? Neither!! Object show community, inanimate fandom... whatever we call ourselves! I'm about to present to you why our beloved (and somewhat recently hated) host is going to be the death of the season.

————————

First of all, the trailer (and @inanimateinsanityfan 's recent tumblr post "invitation") has somewhat implied that the focus of the movie, the A-Plot at least, will be around Cobs attempting to get to MePhone4 somehow, whether it be luring him up to Meeple Headquarters or trying to get down to him. We've seen from previous episodes that Cobs wants him dead, but it's hard to tell if he's changed his motive, since we haven't seen him since Episode 13 "Mine Your Own Business". However, he has been consistently sending his newer MePhones to eliminate MePhone4, as 5C clearly states in Episode 6. The newer models have features like tracking (much like MePad) and knife hands (NOT like MePad), which MePhone4 doesn't have, which should in theory have made him easier to kill.

Speaking of the abilities, the MeLife function is only ever used by MePhone4, or at least we only ever get to see him do it. Why? Well, I have an idea but that's a theory for another time. The point is; MePhone4 seems to be the only Meeple product with the ability to bring people to life, and has all of the contestants on there as far as we know. This means that, unless there's a creative solution to perma-kill one of the contestants, MePhone4 needs to die first for any perma-death to occur in the first place.

And hell, removing the regeneration ability as a whole would be a great way to cap off the season, to establish that there's no more retrying and that everything is now set in stone. And even if we do get that damn FOURTH season (bonus points to whoever gets the reference), it'll at least spice things up with having, say, MePad as a host instead, leaving the spot open for someone else to claim and have an interesting story arc of their own.

This shot already pulls up a parallel between MePhone4 and MePhone3GS, and though 3GS isn't really confirmed dead, they're definitely not gonna be alive any time soon. The parallels could imply that MePhone4 is destined to a fate similar to 3GS; no longer in service, probably broken, and maybe even killed of by Cobs himself.

In addition to this, all of the other MePhones we've seen have all died; MePhone4 technically died with 4S and 5 in the Season 1 finale "Journey Through Memory Lane", 5S and 5C were introduced and immediately killed in Season 2 Episode 6 "Let 'Er RIP", and MePhones 6 and 6+ were also immediately killed upon introduction in Season 2 Episode 8 "Theft and Battery". The MePhones all have something in common, and that is unavoidable and quick death, much like real iphones honestly.

Does this mean that MePhone4 will have to die as a result of MePhone's faulty creation? No, but there is a pre-established pattern with each of the MePhones that goes as a cycle, perpetuating Cobs' cruel style of doing things; he creates something, claims it's his favorite for a year, then makes something a little better and throws the pre-established bond away to die, and rinse and repeat.

But hey! That's just a theory!

An Object Theory!!

Uh- what's the opposite of "greetings and salutations"-?

"Goodbye and see-you-laters!!"

[skyfallslayer]

Should We Stay or Should We Go? || Chapter Five - Part 2

-A ST Rewrite Feat. Steve Harrington x Henderson!OFC-

Part One || Series Masterlist

🎲Word Count: 22,544 (In Total)

🎲Date: 7/31/24

🎲Warnings: Heavy Angst; Heavy Language & Dialogue; References To Broken Friendship; Mental Strain/Breaking Down; Physical Fighting; Lying; "Death"; Funerals; Crying; Talks of Corpses; Being Drugged; Brief Alcohol Consumption; Unwanted Touching; Suggestive Dialogue; Suicidal Thoughts; Minor Blood; A Certain "Curse" Comes Into Play Early; The Byers Family's Mental Strain; Hopper Being a Great Cop & A Total Mess; Dustin Being a Gangster & A Overprotective Brother; The Harringtons' A+ Parenting; Steve's Emotional Damage & Signing Up To Be A Babysitter; Stephanie & Will Deserved All The Love, man. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

(And let me know if I missed anything)

🎲A/N: Heads up, Readers! This document is split between two parts. For some reason Tumblr said I reach my 1,000 space limit, or something like that and wouldn't let me post it because it's so long. PLEASE read part one first or this won't make any sense :) Enjoy!

-Continuing...-

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

Steph stares at her deadbeat Dad, scared, shocked, confused. Out of all the people her mind could conjure up for her to see today, it just had to be him, it just had to be the guy that ruined her and her family’s lives. As much as she wanted to look away, her gut was telling her not to (Just like the old days, huh?).

She swallows, trying not to get teary eyed in front of him. “This isn’t real. You’re not here.” She says, making him laugh, that same laugh that gave her chills. 

“Oh, but I am.”

“No you’re not. You’re a million fucking miles away.”

“So?” He shrugs, still smirking. “By all means, you still need me.”

Steph clenches her jaw and sends him the dirtiest look. “I don’t fucking need you. Neither does Dustin or my mother. I’m leaving.” But when she tried she couldn’t, her whole body was stuck to the chair, frozen. 

That seemed to fuel his ego a bit. “See? You still need me. Stay. Let’s talk. We haven’t done that in so long, munchkins.” He leans over to touch her forearm, sending another shiver down her body. “Talk.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

“Stephanie! What’s wrong with you?” Will starts shaking her shoulders, not really sure what else he could do. “Stephanie! Stephanie! Stephanie!!!”

He doesn’t know what’s happening! She seems like she’s in a trance, but what kind of trance? How did she get into it? Who put her into it? And more importantly, how does he get her the hell out of it? 

“Stephanie! Come on! What happened to you? How do I…” He grabs the sides of his head. “What do I do? What should I do? What can I do? I…” He gasps, eyes widening. “Music…”

His coco orbs landed on what he had brought back, and he wasted no time to take his coat off and to dump out his brother’s cassettes everywhere. He starts shuffling through the pile, trying to find something he knew she liked. She liked metal, but Jonathan wasn’t a fan of that, so that rules out bands like Metallica or Dio, but she was a big fan of rock too.

Come on, Jonathan. You have to have something. Seriously, there has to be something he can play! Eagles, Heart, The Police… 

His heart skips a beat. Got it!

He recalls another band that was in her top five, one of them being Journey, And Luckily, his brother had the ‘Frontiers’ Album that so happens to have a song that was always on her mind. He pulled the cassette from the case and placed it inside the walkman (thank heavens her favorite song was the first one on set). Will replaced her hat for the headphones, and as soon as they were secured…

.

.

.

He presses the play button and prays. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Jonathan had everything he needed for their little hunting mission. His dad had left behind a few of his guns when the marriage ended, and his mom always warned him and Will that those would be used in emergency situations only. And in Jonathan’s defense, he should count this as an emergency. This… faceless beast was somehow responsible for the disappearance of his little brother, Stephanie, and Barb – and he’s not even sure if there’s more or not, but he’s hoping it’s stopped at them – and he needs to know why and where this thing even came from, and where it took them. He’s just hoping he can get those answers before finally slaying the beast. 

Now, he was just confirming with Nancy over the phone. “I was thinking we can meet in the area about an hour before sundown? Maybe get some practice in shooting? Unless you’ve… shot before?”

[ ‘No, no. I have not. Have you met my parents?’ ]

That got him to chuckle a little. “So, no? What are you taking as a weapon then?”

[ ‘I mean, I’ve got my old bat when I’ve played softball. I could trying seeing if I could sneak out a kitchen knife but…’ ] 

“That might be a little hard, especially since your mom’s in the kitchen all the time.”

[ ‘Speaking of, are you sure your mom can’t hear us?’ ]

“Positive.” Jonathan said, sparing a glance over his shoulder to the sleeping figure on the couch. “She’s sound asleep. I’ll have enough time to make an excuse if she does wake beforehand.”

[ ‘If you say so. I’m just a little nervous. I’m a little afraid to see that thing for real this time.’ ]

“Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll try to get answers, and if not…” He takes a deep breath. “We kill the faceless thing. End of story. At least… I won’t have to worry about it terrorizing my mom anymore, or anyone for that matter.”

I have to kill this thing. I have to make it up to my Mom somehow. He didn’t realize how quiet he went, and wasn’t sure how long she was calling out his name for. “Uh, sorry. W-What did you say?”

[ ‘Hour before sundown, right?’ ]

“Yep. I’ll meet you there.” 

[ ‘Kay. I’ll see you there.’ ]

Jonathan hangs up the phone, sighing and heading back to his room to make sure he has everything – completely unaware that a certain someone was actually awake.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Later that day, both Powell and Callahan finally decided to check on their boss who had failed to come into the station this morning. They pulled their car in next to his, not really seeing much out of the ordinary so they went for the front door.

“Hey, Chief!” Callahan called out, before knocking. “Hello? Whoa!-”The door was practically pulled from him, and out came their Boss who looked a lot worse for wear.

“Jesus, Chief. You all right?” Powell asked, concerned.

“What are you doing here?” Hopper asked, pistol by his side with an itchy finger.

“We tried calling, but–”

“Yeah, the phone’s dead.” He snaps, missing the way his two pupils backed up a bit at the sight of his weapon and tone. 

Callahan tries to steer his trigger finger away with a conversation. “Hey, so Bev Mooney came in this morning all upset. Said that Dale and Henry went hunting yesterday… and they didn’t come back home.”

“She thought they were on another binger, but she’s not so sure now.” Powell adds. 

“I think this whole Will Byers, Stephanie Henderson thing has everybody on edge.”

Hopper’s heart sank a bit. “Where was this?”

“It was at the station.”

“No, no. Where did Henry and Dale go hunting?”

“Oh. Uh, out near Kerley.”

Hopper felt himself go paler. “Mirkwood.”

“What?”

“O-Okay. You go back to the station. I’ll take care of this, all right?” He explains, and tries to go back inside.

“Are you sure?” Callahan asked, worriedly.

Hopper nods and opens his door back up. “Yeah, leave it.”

“Oh, hey. Uh, they found Barbara’s car.”

“What?”

“Barbara Holland’s car.” Powell specifies. “Seems she ran away after all. Staties found it late last night at a bus station.”

“Funny, right?” Callahan jokes. “They keep doing our job for us.”

No, definitely not funny. Hopper’s jaw clenches and he nods. “Yeah. It’s funny.” He says, heading back inside and mentally cursing. 

“Is he off his meds again?” He asked in a low whisper. 

Powell shrugs. “He’s been spending too much time with Joyce Byers. That’s what I think.”

“Maybe he should stick with the Henderson woman. I heard they were friends through high school.”

“Yeah…” He scoffs. “Like she’s any better.”

Callahan gave him a look. “What do you mean?”

“Let me just say she was… quite the wild card back then.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

When the doorbell rang at the Wheeler house, the family honesty wasn’t sure who to expect.

Except the three boys who had bolted out of the basement knew.

They had loosened their funeral clothes a bit since they arrived here, and were trying to act like everything was A-Okay! And totally not suspicious when the rest of the family sees who their mysterious guest is.

“We got it!” Dustin shouts, surprising and stopping Karen in the hallway.

Karen halts her son, confused. “What? Did you guys order pizza or something?”

“No! Uh, we, um…” Mike was fumbling his words a bit, fueling his mother’s suspicions more.

“We asked someone to come over. From the funeral. Uh… A teenager from high school.” Lucas explains.

“Yeah. W-We got to talking to him, and we really think he could help us with this history project that is due in a few weeks.”

“He’s actually a friend of Nancy.”

“Oh, really?” Karen asked, and spoke of the devil.

“A friend of mine?” Nancy said, halfway down the stairs, clothes changed into something more cozy and warm.

“Who’s the friend?”

And that’s when Dustin had opened the door, pretending to be overjoyed. “Steve!”

“Steve?” Nancy said, coming completely down the stairs now. “W-What are you doing here?”

“Uh, well, I had the chance to talk to them early, and sounded like your brother and his friends needed help with a school project.” Steve replies, hoping he sounded convincing. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t, I’m just… a bit surprised, I guess.”

Steve smiles, and holds his hand out for her mother. “Hello, Mrs. Wheeler. I’m Steve Harrington.”

“Steve Harrington?” Karen said, shaking it. “I feel like I’ve heard that name before.” Her eyes trail to Nancy who was looking away with a nervous laugh. 

And I just made it awkward. He brushes it off quickly. “Uh, I won’t be long, Mrs. Wheeler, I’ll just go over a couple things with the boys.”

“Oh, take your time. It’s nice that they actually asked for help once.”

“Thank you. Alright, kids–” He smacks his hands together. “Let’s go.” He makes a mental note to talk to his girlfriend later, but as right now he doesn’t want her to get involved with whatever this was. He follows the kids to the basement, but a few steps down, Mike stops him.

Mike makes sure his family wasn’t around to hear this, and starts talking in a low tone. “Before we go down, there is something we have to tell you.”

“Which is?” Steve said, raising an eyebrow.

“To make a long story short, the night after Will and Stephanie disappeared we decided to go looking in the area her car crashed, and we found someone.”

That’s not concerning at all, Wheeler. What was this kid getting at? It was making him a bit nervous. “Someone?”

“Yeah. She’s–” Mike sighs, and gives him a stern look. “You have to swear you won’t tell my parents, or Nancy, or… anyone for that matter. Do you understand?”

“I… understand.” He holds his hand up. “I swear.”

“Good.” The kid nods, satisfied. “Come on.”

Steve follows him down, and that’s when he notices the girl on the couch. A young girl, probably not much older than twelve was sitting there in a Mötley Crüe band shirt, jeans and a pair converse on the floor; Along with a plaid jacket too. That outfit looked… quite familiar.

“Is that…” He begins, gesturing to the redhead who was trying to figure him out too.

“This is Eleven, or we call El for short. She’s…” Mike trails off, thinking. “We don’t know where she’s from, all we know is that it’s from a bad place. And she has powers.”

Now that got his attention. “I’m sorry, powers?”

“Yeah. Like… Magneto.”

“Magneto?”

“Yeah. Like from the X-Men.”

“Uh…”

“Oh, my god.” Dustin says, throwing his head back to his obliviousness. “How were you and my sister friends?”

“Hey, we had other things in common.” Steve pushes back, hands on his hip like a stern mother.

“Oh, yeah?” Dustin squares up. “Like what?”

“You’re really going to quiz me right now?”

“Yes! I am!”

“Dustin, man, come on. We don’t have time for–” Lucas said, sitting up straighter from his spot on a chair. But of course, his friend wouldn’t listen (and they all accuse him of being the stubborn one).

“What is her favorite color?” Dustin starts, getting an eye roll and a sigh from his ‘opponent’. 

“Seafoam green.” Steve replies, going along with it.

“Favorite band?”

“It’s a tie between Journey and Metallica.”

“Favorite ice cream flavor?”

“Mint chocolate chip, however–”

“Ah, ha!” The youngest Henderson jerks his thumb at him, like he caught him in a lie. “Wrong! That’s not her–”

“But, but, but!” Steve cuts right back in, taking control. “I wasn’t finished. She says that’s her favorite, because she’s too embarrassed to tell everyone that her actual favorite is bubblegum, which no one, and I mean no I know besides her, likes that flavor. Correct?”

Dustin makes a face like he’s been kicked. “Damn it…” He mumbles, pacing off to find something to do.

“Ice cream?” El said, and it took Steve a second to realize she phrased it as a question.

“You never had ice cream?” He asked, and she shook her head. “Where the hell was she living before?” Then he stops himself. “D-Doesn’t matter! We’ll discuss that part later, maybe over some ice cream, but for right now, why am I here?” 

It took a bit to get him up to speed about the past few days, leaving him with a spinning head, and asking more questions that needed to be answered.

“Holy shit…” He mutters, rubbing his temple. “Holy shit. So… you guys are all convinced that Stephanie and Will are stuck in another dimension? All because El took you guys to his house and said they were there but couldn’t see them?”

“Correct.” Lucas said, with a nod.

“And it pretty confirmed it when you heard Will over the radio explaining that?”

“Correct.”

“That’s… insane, but… it makes sense.”

“So you’re saying you believe us?” Mike asked, genuinely surprised.

“Look, like I said earlier, when the evidence was laid out about what happened to them, It didn’t really sit right with me, you know? And–” Steve fiddles with his hands again. “And Stephanie, I mean she knew the Quarry pretty well, so I thought it would have been odd that she would have fallen in like that, even if she was being chased. And Will… he sounds like he’s a smart kid too.”

“He is.” Lucas said, a bit of sadness there.

“He’s really smart.” Mike adds.

“That’s my point.” Steve agrees. “So, if what you’re suggesting is true, and they really did end up in some dimension, whoever found or knows, or even is responsible for that to happen to them, they must have planted the fake bodies to take the heat off the case. I mean, let’s be real here. Kids get kidnapped to another dimension? Who’s going to believe that?”

“So someone had to open that gate to the Upside Down, realize what happened and wanted to cover their asses.” Mike turns towards Eleven who seemed like she wasn’t fully into their conversation. “Do you know where the gate is?”

She shakes her head. “No…” 

“Then how do you know about the Upside Down?” Lucas asked, as she looked away in shame.

“Hey, uh…” Steve leans in to whisper. “Not to budge into this spat, but uh, did I break Henderson?”

Now all eyes were on him, and he was pacing around in a small circle with something in his hand; He looked like he was in deep thought too.

“Dustin, what are you doing? Dustin?” Mike tries, and gets irritated. “Dustin!!”

That seemed to do the trick because he stopped. “I... I need to see your compasses.”

“What?”

“Your compasses. All of your compasses, right now!”

Of course Lucas and Mike decided to humor him a bit and start searching for what they had, while Steve locked eyes with El who looked just as confused as he was. She seemed painfully shy, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying to get on her goodside.

“Hey–” He whispers. “I think he’s the nutty one.” And he makes a goofy expression that got her to smile. Good enough for me.

And he stands up to join the boys around the table who had all the compasses laying out. 

“What’s exciting about this?” Mike asked, unamused. 

“Well, they’re all facing north, right?” Dustin points out.

“Yeah, so?” 

“Well, that’s not true north.”

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, slightly intrigued. 

“I mean exactly what I just said. That’s not true north.” He looks between them like they’re crazy. “Are you both seriously this dense?” His friends shrug and he sighs. “Steve?” And all hopes go out too when he shrugged. “Wow. You’re useless.”

“Gee, thanks, Henderson.” Steve said, trying not to strangle him yet. 

“So, the sun rises in the east, and it sets in the west. Right?” Dustin points towards the left wall, east. “Which means that’s true north.”

“So what you’re saying is the compasses are broken.” Mike said, clarifying. 

He sighs again. “Do you even understand how a compass works? Do you see a battery pack in this?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t. Because it doesn’t need one. The needle’s naturally drawn to the Earth’s magnetic North Pole.”

“So what’s wrong with them?” Lucas questions.

“Well, that’s what I couldn’t figure out, but then I remembered.” He perks up with a grin. “You can change the direction of a compass with a magnet. If there’s the presence of a more powerful magnetic field, the needle deflects to that power. And then I remembered what Mr. Clarke said. The gate would have so much power–”

“It could disrupt the electromagnetic field.” Mike said, smiling.

“Exactly.”

“Meaning, if we follow the compasses’ north…”

“They should lead us to the gate.”

And the boys begin praising Dustin for figuring that out–

.

.

.

Why El was looking like she heard the worst news ever.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Jonathan fixes his jacket and slings a bag over his shoulder as he comes out of his room when he notices what time it was (He could even see that the sun was starting to change color). But as soon as he reaches where the hallway meets the kitchen, he sees his mother sitting at the table reading over some paperwork.

His heart skips a beat a bit, and as he calmly tells himself to stick to the script. “Y-You’re up.” he says, getting her attention. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to wake up tonight.”

“Yeah, I guess that service really took a lot out of me.” Joyce replies, setting what she was reading down to look at him. “Heading out?”

“Y-Yeah, um… a classmate who was at the wake wanted to cheer me up. I-I was going to turn it down, but I thought it could take my mind off a few things.”

“Oh, well that’s good.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “I’m going to head out.” He says, turning to leave.

“Okay.” She said, crossing her arms. “Does your outing include guns?” That got him to stop. “I noticed you raided your father’s old gun safe.”

Jonathan bites his lip for a second, before turning around with a dry laugh. “It wasn’t like he was going to use them any time soon.”

She raised an eyebrow, stern. “I thought you didn’t like shooting?”

“I thought it would be nice to pick it back up. You know, just in case that thing comes back.”

“Well, that’s actually rather thoughtful of you, Jonathan.”

“Uh, thanks, mom.” He sends her a quick smile and starts leaving again. “I’ll be back.”

“Alrighty.” She says, standing up silently. “Is that before or after you kill the faceless thing?” This time her son couldn’t hide his shock when he turned around, and she couldn’t really hide her irritation either. “You really need to learn whether someone is fake sleeping or not.”

He swallows. “Mom–”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Mom, it’s not–”

“Jonathan, you will tell me who you’re going out with right now. I am not playing any games.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Despite their agreements to go out to look, Dustin was still salty enough to try to get Steve to leave. His first attempt was to try to go get him to see Nancy, but that backfired when she apparently had left for something. The second was when he pointed out to Steve that he still had his suit on, and tried to get him to go home and change – But the teenager proudly declined, and saw right through his crap, and said he can just take his jacket and tie off and he’ll be fine. His third attempt was a bit later on in their adventure, when the temperature started to drop and so did the sun in the sky, he tried again with the clothes, pointing out that dress shoes weren’t exactly made for hiking – this attempt was just flat out ignored.

“Dude, just let it go.” Lucas said, since he was partnered up with him (Now, he’s lucky that they lived close enough to actually change out of their funeral clothing. He can’t imagine how Steve’s doing it). “He’s going to be helpful whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dustin said, sarcastically. “What? Because he’s carrying a bat around? Who carries a bat in their trunk?”

Lucas rolled his eyes. “Dude, drop it. It’s actually kind of relieving that someone else brought a weapon too.” He waves around his slingshot furiously to make a point. 

“Whatever…”

He sighs, and takes a glance at his compass. “How much further?”

“I don’t know.” Dustin shrugs. “These only tell direction, not distance. You really need to learn more about compasses.”

“I’m just saying. How do we know when we get to the gate?”

“Uh, I think a portal to another dimension is gonna be pretty obvious.”

Lucas sighs again, this time glancing back at the others. Mike and Eleven were paired together, while Steve was a few steps behind them keeping guard out. But his focus was more on the girl that has been suspiciously wiping her nose every few minutes. 

“Do you think she’s acting weird?” He finally asked in a lower voice.

“You’re asking if the weirdo is acting weird?” Dustin said, confused.

“I mean, weirder than normal?”

“I don’t know. Who cares?”

Meanwhile, Eleven was remembering a few scary things from her past, and the guilt and fear was starting to eat away at her. With a shaky hand, she tugs on the boy’s sleeve. “Mike.”

“Yeah?”

“Turn back.”

Mike blinks, puzzled. “What? Why?”

“I’m tired.”

He sighs. “Look, I’m sure we’re almost there. Just hold on a little longer, okay?” He says, making her stop.

She worriedly looks at the way they came from, practically aching to start running away from all this. She knows once they find out the truth, they’re going to be mad.

“Hey.” Steve calls out softly, standing right in front of her. “You okay?”

Her eyes scan his face, seeing how genuinely worried he was for her, despite they met only hours ago (Why weren’t the people she grew up with this kind to her?). She nods subtly. “F-Fine.”

“Fine?” He asks, getting another nod. “Okay.” He wasn’t fully convinced, but he wasn’t going to push. “But your nose is bleeding.”

She perks up at the news, and quickly wipes it away. She just gives him a quick smile before jogging to catch up with the others, Steve’s concern only growing a bit stronger.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

Stephanie felt like she couldn’t breath. She suddenly felt like she was a kid again, practically having to be on her toes whenever he was around. Right now, her father seemed pretty ticked off about something, something that she was going to have to continue to push back on and try to get away. 

“You ratted me out.” He hissed, arms crossed in disappointment. “You and that little rich friend of yours.” 

She tightens her jaw again, her hands managing to make a fist as she glares. “I never ratted you out.”

“Oh…” He whispers, realization creeping across his features for a few seconds. “So it was him, huh?”

Fucking prick. She bares her teeth at him, angry herself. “Steve did what any friend would have in a situation like that.” 

His eye twitched. “By selling me out!!”

“You got child endangerment and illegal gambling. You’re lucky that’s all you got.” She says, raising her tone. “He decided to be a good person and respect my wishes, respect my dignity, and save me from some humiliation from every fucking school kid – to save my mom the guilt, and Dustin some confusion.” Steph scoffs. “Selling you out? You got fucking lucky, Pal.”

“Pal? I ain’t your pal! I’m your fucking father!” He points at himself furiously. “I raised you!”

“Mom raised me! Not you!” Now she felt the tears start to sting, but not from sadness, no, these were angry tears. He opens his mouth to speak, and she cuts him off. “And don’t you dare say you raised Dustin! You were never there for him. Never there for any school events, or the time he tried to play hockey. For fuck’s sake, you were even there when he was born!!”

“I WAS BUSY!!”

“Busy fucking GAMBLING! You were always doing that!” She scoffs again. “You were never our father, you were never his father. When mom wasn’t there it was me. It was always me, it was never you.”

“I was always there for you.”

“Oh, please…”

“We hung out, you can’t deny that. We always did something every week.”

“Oh, yeah, take your child to a black jack table and let them watch as you bet money we don’t have. Yeah…” She rolls her eyes. “That was a wonderful father-daughter bonding moment.”

“Stephanie–”

“Don’t say my name.”

“Stephanie.” His face softens. “Munchkins, you have to understand, what I did, it was necessary. I was on my way of making the big bucks, and moving us to the hills with beautiful and big houses your mother and I always dreamed of.”

“That was a lie you just love feeding to mom.”

“Stephanie–”

“Stop.” She snaps, calming herself a little. “I don’t know what this is. I don’t know if I hit my head a little hard, or that weird monster that keeps following me is doing this but…” She shakes her head. “You’re not real. You’re in prison. And if this is just some sick joke to get me to forgive you, it ain’t going to work. I hate you, and I will always hate you. Period. Now–” She manages to push herself off the bar stool to stand. “I’m leaving.”

Stephanie doesn’t want to bid him another thought or word as she turns and starts heading for the exit as her father starts yapping away.

“You hate me, I get it.” He sighs. “I hate myself as well. But… I know you hate yourself too.”

That got her to stop. It got a nerve that she was trying to hide.

“Deep down, you hate yourself. A lot apparently.”

“I don’t hate myself.” She replies, turning around.

“Oh, yes, you do.” He said, standing up too, a gleeful look on his face. “You see, you’ve hated yourself for quite a while, and it didn’t start after the whole… broken friendship thing, no… it’s been happening for a while.”

“You’re…” She swallows, shaking slightly (She was unaware of the room growing darker and more suffocating). “You’re crazy.”

“This whole self hatred thing has been going on and off throughout your life. There were so many key moments that made you think that way.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “You’re fucking crazy–”

“There were so many times that made you stop and think, ‘Hey. Why don’t Steve’s parents like me? What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?’ Hmm…” He moves closer, the abyss growing around them both more. “Ring any bells? Remember when you thought that and tried to change?”

“That’s…” She touches the side of her head. “That’s ridiculous. I… I just thought maybe I should change a little, wh-what would it h-hurt? Right…? I…”

“See? It’s in there? It’ll always be there.” He taps his own chest twice. “There will always be that hatred in your heart that you can’t get rid of.”

“I… I c-can get rid of it.”

“You can bury it, but you can’t get rid of it. It’s your genes, it’s engraved in your bones, sewn into your heart.” He smiles. “Think about it, even after your friend ended everything, sure you were mad at him, but you were more mad at yourself than anything.”

Her eyes widened, shaking. “S-Stop…”

“You were so mad that you thought about…” The abyss grows more and pulls them closer together. “Ending it all for everyones’ sake.”

She felt like something was grabbing a hold of her now, pushing on her lungs and in her throat, suffocating her. She felt her eyes sting and burn, and her father’s started to change into something or some else. 

“And you…” He laughs, the pain in her body intensifying. “Probably should.”

He starts extending his arm out for her, bruised fingers coming over to ghost her face and–

It was like someone had opened the shades and let the sunlight in. Everything felt warmer and lighter, the pressure was suddenly taken off her body. She gasps with relief, her father’s hand pulling back as she hears a familiar song playing in the distance. 

.

[ ♪ Here we stand

Worlds apart, heart broken in two. Two. Two.

Sleepless nights

Losing ground, I'm reaching for you. You. You ♪ ]

.

|| STEPHANIE!! ||

Her eyes widened, turning around to see some kind of opening in the distance. “Will?” She croaks, and she swears she can see him too.

|| STEPHANIE! WAKE UP! PLEASE! || 

Wake up? I’m asleep? She couldn’t believe it. She really was stuck in her head.

|| STEPHANIE!! ||

“I–” She swallows and takes a step. “I’m coming.”

Her father frowns. “You can’t leave.” He says, snatching her by the arm. She shutters at the sudden voice change, scared again. “We haven’t finished talking.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“You told me you weren’t going to do anything stupid! You promised me, Jonathan!” Joyce yells, as her son shakes her head.

“W-We’re not going through this again!” He said, almost laughing.

“Not again? What do you mean?!”

“Mom, seriously!” He points at himself. “Let me do this! Let me find this thing!”

“You want me to allow you to go find some wild, dangerous beast that could possibly take you away or have you killed?” Joyce scoffs. “You’re out of your mind!”

“I’m not out of my mind! I am stopping–”

“You’re not going out there!”

“Yes, I am!”

“No, you’re not!”

“Yes, I am.” He says, as his expression was something that no one could pinpoint. “Let me prove this to you.”

“Prove what?” She asked, throwing her arms out. “What so desperately do you have to prove? Prove that this is the stupidest–”

“Let me prove to you that I AM SORRY!!”

Between that sentence and the front door being pounded on at the same time, Joyce was definitely lost for words. But she continues to stare at her son, trying to see if something would come out before another set of knocks came about.

As she makes her way to the door, Jonathan blurts out her name. Part of him was afraid what would happen if that was Nancy; If he thinks his mom is mad now, he could imagine when she puts two-and-two together. He calls her out again just as she opens it, both of them startled by who it was.

Hopper had his finger up in a ‘shushing’ motion, and was holding up a sign that the son couldn’t read until his mother moved out of the way. The sign read: DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

The Chief locks eyes with Jonathan, silently telling him to stay quiet too as he shuts the door. His blue orbs glanced around the room, mostly focusing on the many strings lights that were up.

Oh, Jesus. He thought, realizing this was going to take some time.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The sun was halfway set when the boys arrived at an old, abandoned scrap yard that was up in the hills. When they got about a quarter of the way inside the place, one of them noticed something terrible.

“Oh, no.” Dustin said, after triple checking his surroundings.

“‘Oh, no?’ What’s, ‘Oh, no?’, Henderson?” Steve asked in a teasing way, which will fade in a second when he realizes how serious this was.

“We’re headed back home.”

“What?” Mike perks up. 

“Are you sure?” Lucas asked, not buying it.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Dustin points to the sky. “Setting sun, right there. We looped right back around.”

“And you’re just realizing this now?”

“Why is this all on me?” 

“Because you’re the compass genius!”

Dustin sighs. “What do yours say?”

Both boys glanced down at theirs and replied, “North.”

“Makes no damn sense.”

“Maybe the gate moved.” Steve asked, trying to think what would be most logical.

The boy frowns. “No, I don’t think it’s the gate. I think it’s something else screwing with the compasses.”

“Maybe it’s something here.” Mike said, gesturing to their surroundings.

Dustin shakes his head. “No, it has to be like a super magnet.”

“It’s not a magnet.” Lucas hiss, bitterly, his eyes landing on the only girl with them. “She’s been acting weirder than normal. If she can slam doors with her mind, she can definitely screw up a compass.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Steve said, half stepping between them, trying to cool him down. “Why would she do that? Isn’t she your friend?”

Lucas ignores him, and swats his arm away. “Because she’s trying to sabotage our mission.” He starts stalking towards her. “Because she’s a traitor!”

“Lucas, what are you doing?” Mike asks, fearfully.

Steve tries to deescalate him again. “Hey, Sinclair, maybe cool it before–”

“Can it, Steve!” He snaps, stopping right in front of El who’s guilt started sprouting full blown. “You did it, didn’t you? You don’t want us to reach the gate. You don’t want us to find them.”

“Lucas, come on, seriously–” Mike rushes up next to him. “Just leave her alone!”

“Admit it.”

“No.” El whispers.

“ADMIT IT!” He snaps, scaring her enough to grab her arm and show off her jacket sleeve that was stained bright red. “Fresh blood. I knew it.”

“Lucas, come on!” Mike says, smacking his hand away from her.

“I saw her wiping her nose on the tracks! She was using her powers!”

“Bullshit! That’s old blood. Right, El?” And Mike’s stomach sank when she didn’t say anything. “Right, El?

“It’s... not…” El chokes back on tears, her lip quivering in shame. “It’s not safe.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

After unscrewing a hundred goddamn light bulbs later, Hopper was satisfied enough to realize that the Byers’ household was untouched by the unknown.  

“Okay.” He breathes, and collapses into a chair, the adrenaline he’s felt all day has finally given out. “Should be okay, I mean… I can’t guarantee it, but it should be okay.”

“What the hell is going on, Hopper?” Joyce finally asked, still keeping her voice a bit quiet. I mean, all she and her son could do was wait and let the Police Chief raid her house to get some kind of answer. 

“They bugged my place.”

“Bugged?” Jonathan asked, confused. “What do you mean?”

“They put a microphone in the light.” Hopper sighs, the mental strain finally hitting him hard. “It’s because I’m on to them and they know it. I don’t know…”

“Who?”

“I thought they might be watching you, too.” He shakes his head, shutting his eyes for a second. “I don’t know, the CIA, the NSA, Department of Energy... I-I don’t know.”

“You gotta explain this to us.” Joyce said, getting an agreement from her eldest. “‘Cause we’re not–”

“I went to the morgue last night, Joyce.”

That got their complete attention now. “...What?” She muttered, feeling like she was losing her breath from his words.

“It wasn’t him.” Hopper replies, getting teary eyed.

Jonathan had to hold up his mother who looked like she was about to faint from the news. “W-What do you mean?” He asks, heart pounding in his ears.

“Will’s body, it was a fake. His and Stephanie’s. They’re both fakes.” He stands up to make sure he was looking her in the eye to tell her these words, “You were right. This whole time, you were right. I should have believed you. I am so sorry, Joyce.”

“Oh, my god…” Joyce sobbed into her hands, as her son took a step back to process. “Oh, my god. I mean… w-why though? Why the fakes? Who made the fakes?”

“I don’t know.” Hopper replies, upset himself. “Like I said, someone bugged my place, I don’t know who though. Although…”

“‘Although’… what?

“I saw…” He swallows. “I saw something really strange last night. At the lab.”

“The lab?” She tilts her head. “You went to the lab?”

“I snuck in. I ended up getting punctured with a needle that knocked me out. When I woke up in my trailer, I think the people at the lab were trying to make it seem like I went on binger. My whole table was trashed with beer cans and pills. Bastards.”

“Well what did you see?”

“It’s…” How does he explain this? “First, I ended up in a hospital setting, you know, white walls, beds, cold temperatures. But then I went down lower and… I saw it.”

“Saw what?” She asked, nervously.

“I don’t… I don’t know what it is. It look like a plant, it was on the wall, it was gross looking and sticky and–”

“Was it like a bubble? And it and like a red hue to it and it was pul–”

“Pulsating?” He asked, getting a nod. “You know what I’m talking about?” But before he could get an answer, the teenager had finally spoken. 

“So it really is that dangerous…” Jonathan whispers, eyes landing on him.

“What?” Joyce asked, her son started shaking his head.

“Fuck.” He mutters, and starts grabbing his hair. “Fuck…”

“What, Jonathan?! What?”

“Nancy and I both agreed to go look for that thing!” He spills, all distraughtly. 

“Wait.” Joyce blinks a few times, trying to wrap her head around what she just said. “Nancy? That’s who you were talking to?!”

“What is going on?” Hopper asked, looking between the two.

“We wanted to find out what happened to Barb.” Jonathan explains. “Nancy… she… she saw that thing when she went to Steve’s house, she–”

“What? What thing?”

“She saw it too?” Joyce cuts Hopper off, intrigued by this shocking news. “What… what were you guys going to do?”

“We were going to kill it!” Jonathan replies, truthfully. “W-We… we agreed to meet at the spot Stephanie’s car was found and… shit.”

“Jonathan–”

“I fucked up.”

“Jonathan.” She pressures, trying to calm him down a smidge. “Maybe she’s by the road. She wouldn’t go exploring on her own. Right?” But her son sends her an un-assuring look that deflates her confidence. “...Right?”

Jonathan frowns, trying to hide how scared he was now. “We need to find Nancy, now.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“What did I tell you?” Lucas explodes. “She’s been playing us from the beginning!”

“That’s not true.” Mike pushes back. “She helped us find Will and Stephanie!”

“Find Will and Stephanie?” He scoffs. “Find Will and Stephanie? Where are they, then?” He starts walking around the place to make a point. “Huh? I don’t see them.”

“Yeah, you know what I mean.”

“No, I actually don’t. Just think about it, Mike. She could’ve just told us where the Upside Down was right away, but she didn’t. She just made us run around like headless chickens.”

“All right, calm down!” Dustin says, cutting between them.

“I’m siding with Henderson on this one.” Steve says, eyes batting back and forth between the two. “Let’s just take a moment to breathe, and figure this out.”

“No!” Lucas yells, not listening to this. “She used us, all of us! She helped just enough so she could get what she wants. Food and a bed. She’s like a stray dog.”

“Screw you, Lucas!” Mike yells back. 

“No! Screw you, Mike. You’re blind… blind because you like that a girl’s not grossed out by you. But wake up, man! Wake the hell up! She knows where they are, and now she’s just letting them die in the Upside Down.

Mike balls his hand in a fist, trying to contain his own anger. “Shut up.”

“For all we know, it’s her fault.” Lucas says, jerking his thumb towards her.

“Shut up.”

“Sinclair–” Steve warns. 

“We’re looking for some stupid monster… but did you ever stop to think that maybe she’s the monster?”

“I said shut up!” Mike shouts, and tackles him to the ground. 

“Stop!” El yells, worriedly. 

“Knock it off, you idiots.” Dustin says, as he tries to get close.

“Stop it!”

“Oh, my– Wheeler, get off!” Steve says, and tries pulling the boys off one another. But for being only kids, they were putting up one hell of a fight to stay on top for dominance. 

The shouting between Steve and Dustin went back and forth, and all their efforts to stop it suddenly ended when the girl behind them screamed ear piercingly. All of them could only watch helplessly as Lucas was flung off, hitting the ground hard, and landing against one of the scrapped vehicles. 

“Jesus Christ!” Steve shouted, and raced over to the boy. 

“Lucas! Lucas!” Mike yells, shaking him on the shoulder. “Lucas, are you all right?

“Lucas.” Dustin says, doing the same. “Lucas, come on!”

“Hey, hey! Careful with his neck!” Steve urges, moving their hands away as carefully examines the boy. “Shit… come on, kid.”

“Why would you do that?” Mike snaps at Eleven, who was trembling again. “What’s wrong with you? Huh?!” He could believe she would do something like this. "What is wrong with you?!”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

“What’s wrong with you?” Stephanie croaked, trembling at the way his voice changed into something almost demonic. He know longer sounded like the man who was supposed to be her father. “Why do you sound like that?”

Along with the voice change, his whole demeanor seemed different too. The way he stood, the way he smiled and his eyes seemed dead, yet controlling. 

“Admit it…” He whispers with fire on his silver tongue. “You’re tired, you really don’t want to live anymore.”

Her throat started to feel tight again, her body was aching too. Whatever was holding her down earlier was trying to latch onto her again. “I-I…”

“You don’t want to live anymore because everything’s gone to shit.” He gestures around, still having that stupid smug on his face. “Your long friendship with Steve is over, crushed because you were an embarrassment to him.”

She shakes her head. “N-No.”

“Even after what happened at the dance, it meant nothing to him. That he didn’t love you like you thought he did.”

“St-Stop it.”

“You try to fill the gaping hole by hanging out with your brother, but he’s growing up, he’s got friends when you don’t have any. He’s already pushing you away to be with them. You’re an envious freak.”

“I’m not.” His jabs were like sticking an imaginary knife in her heart, and for some reason, deep down, she knows his jabs have some truth to them.

“Your own mother knows you’re in a rut, knows you’ve been lying to her, but you don’t want her help. You love the abyss.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about–”

“And you… are failing to keep your promise to the boy.” He says, making her gasp. “You told Will you were going to get him out, but you don’t even know how.” It was another stab to her heart. “You’re having doubts.” And another. “You’re having thoughts about how you’re never going to get out.”

“N-No…” She whispers, on the verge of tears once more, and he wasn’t done with his troubling words. 

“How you’re thinking in what way the No-Face beast will get you both. Do you let it take a bite out of you first, and let the boy be a desert? Or…” His expression grows sinisterly. “Do you let it take the boy first as a mercy kill?”

Stephanie sobs, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. “N-No… No…”

“I think… that’s what you think is best. Let the boy’s suffering end quickly.”

“N-No…” She shakes her head before grabbing the sides of it. “I… I…” She sobs again. “W-Will…”

|| STEPHANIE! || 

He calls out again, but it’s barely audible, and the music is starting to sound distant again.

“I… I don’t know… I don’t know…” Stephanie said, brain feeling like it was going to melt with everything going on. 

“Come.” Her father beckons. “Let it all go.” He opens his arms out wide, like he is asking for a hug as the abyss grows back around them, blocking some of the light. “You can rest, my dear daughter.”

Then the room sprinkled with a little red, and the sound of an old grandfather clock chimed around in an echo. The sound… seemed scary, but strangely welcoming. It was telling her to find it, and she almost wanted to.

“Let all go, Child.” He urges, his voice now echoing as well. “You know you want to.”

She wants to, she really wants to. But something was keeping her from doing that, something inside was telling her to stay away. 

“But–” She managed to say before ‘Separate Ways’ was turned up to max volume. She screams, her head pounding as the room gets brighter again, along with Will’s voice.

|| WAKE UP! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP! || 

“Will…” She says, looking at the opening before her head was magically moved back in her father’s direction. 

“But don’t you want to leave it all behind?!” He screams. “The bad memories? The times you were called a freak? The times you were forgotten or ignored? Unloved? The times that people told you you weren’t good enough for him?”

That was another piercing to her aching heart. “B-But, Steve’s just–” 

|| STEPHANIE! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?! WAKE UP! || 

Will. She needed to get back to Will. She didn’t need all this crap to be happening!

She tries to stand her ground as firmly as she can. “What is going on?”

Of course, he ignores her question and presses on harder. “Don’t you want to be free?! Give in! Forget all the bad times you’ve had! Give in!” 

“But–”

And then she feels like she lost the opportunity to get the upper hand.

She gasps harshly as she feels something wrap around her throat, squeezing it tight. She feels her body freeze, and something grabbing onto her limbs to hold her place. Her father, or whoever he is now, looked even more deranged as he gave her look like he was trying to shatter her mind. And maybe he was, maybe he really was the one responsible for the tingling feeling inside, the feeling like her whole life force was being drained. She swears she can hear Will screaming her name again, but the hold on her was drowning out most of her senses. 

Her father, the being, grinned even wider as his hand reached out to hover over her face. “Now… Give in, dear child.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

“Stephanie!” Will cries out in desperation, giving her another shake. Why isn’t the music working?! It worked for me!

This can’t be happening. This can’t be how he loses Stephanie. What was he supposed to do if she ended up dead? And what would he tell her family? Tell his family? How will they even believe him?

“Stephanie, come on! Wake up! Please!” He felt his own set of tears start rolling down his delegate cheeks. “I don’t want to lose you!”

I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lo– His pleas were cut off when her body slipped away from his hands. In something he’s only seen in horror films, he watches the teenager start floating into the air. 

Way, way, way up into the air.

He couldn’t even jump up to touch her, grab her to pull her down as she was descending up into the night sky, limbs jittering like they were trying to spring free.

Will didn’t know what else to do but scream her name.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Lucas wakes up in a flash, his friends sighing with relief, and the teenager silently thanking the universe he was alright (He wasn’t sure how they were going to explain this to anyone if he didn’t wake up soon).

“Lucas.” Mike says, happily. “Lucas, you okay?”

“Lucas…” Dustin begins, watching him slowly prop himself up, mind wandering. “Lucas, how many fingers am I holding up?” He holds up three. “Lucas, how many fingers?”

“Hey…” Steve begins, reaching out. “Let me see your head–”

“Get off of me!” Lucas snaps, swatting everyone away.

“Lucas, just let us see–” Mike urges, which results in another slap.

“Get off of me!” He says again, standing up this time, and storming away. 

“Lucas, come on.”

“Let him go.” Dustin replies, stopping him by the arm.

“But what if he–”

“He needs to cool down.”

Steve frowns, still worried that the kid might have a concussion, but what could he do? The kid was irritated, probably still didn’t like him, so more likely he wouldn’t listen (and he wasn’t listening to his friends anyway, so…). 

He sighs, running a hand through his locks, thinking. “This is… insane. That little girl really does have powers.”

“Told you.” Mike said, head hung low in shame.

“Hey, relax. Your friend just needs to–” Steve frowns after counting who was present. “Where is she?”

Dustin and Mike’s eyes begin bolting around in the low light, searching for any signs of her. Them and Steve started shouting her name, concern was evident, and time was the essence. Did she really take off? Did she really feel that guilty about everything she just had to leave? 

“I…” Mike begins, getting mad at himself. “I knew I should have yelled at her like that!”

“Hey, you had every right to do so. She did fling Lucas.” Dustin points out.

“Yeah, but we need her! We need her to find that gate for us.”

“Yeah, but it sounds like she was never going to.”

Mike frowns, that sentence punching him right in the gut. Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe he really was being played for a fool this whole time. “Even if she wasn’t, we still got to find her.”

“We can try, but it’s getting dark.” Dustin says, gesturing to the fading sun. “We don’t even have flashlights.”

“Well, then we’ll go back to our houses to get some.”

“Mike–”

“We have to!”

“Mike, our parents are not going to let us out. Especially if Lucas tells his parents he got hurt hanging out with us today.”

“But–”

“Hey, listen to Henderson, alright?” Steve cuts in, his mind made up about something.

“But, we have to go look for her, Steve!” Mike pushes.

“I get that, but your parents are going to expect you home. And they probably are going to bug me on why we were out so late. So you’re going home.”

“But El–”

“I will look for her.”

Mike blinks. “What?”

“I will look for her, okay?” Steve repeats. “I will go back to my house to change and grab some supplies, and then I’ll come right back here and search around.”

Dustin looks surprised. “You’re actually willing to do that?”

“Yeah. I am.” He nods. “I’ll do my best to try to find her, and if I do, maybe I can convince her to actually help us. Or get her to at least explain why finding this isn’t safe.” He looks between them while finishing with, “But you two need to go home. Let’s not worry your parents. Especially you Henderson. Let’s not make your mom worry about another kid.”

Dustin averts his eyes away, feeling a bit ashamed at the thought of hurting his mother like that. He was so hung up on finding this gate that he didn’t wonder how she must be feeling right now. And she thinks she just buried her daughter today. I can only imagine how worried she is.

“So does that sound reasonable to you guys?” Steve asks, interrupting their thoughts.

“Yeah.” Mike says, nodding. “That sounds reasonable.”

“Good.” He looks at them worriedly before waving for them to start walking. “Let’s head back.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

When they arrived they saw her car parked on the side of the road with no one inside. The three of them never got out and slammed their doors that quickly before, as they ran into the woods, flashlights and weapons in hand.

“NANCY!” Jonathan called out, his heart racing what he might find. She had to be okay. He wasn’t sure how he would live with himself if she wasn’t. So he screams out her name again, both his mother and Hopper joining in. 

“Nancy!” Joyce yells, running to look behind every nook and cranny amongst the trees and shrubs. “Nancy!”

“Nancy Wheeler!” Hopper shouts, eyes glue to the ground, looking for any signs of life. 

“Nancy! Where are you?!”

“Nancy!” Jonathan tries again, the guilt in his gut has started to take huge chunks of him now. “Fuck. Fuck…”

“Hey.” His mother says, getting his attention. “Don’t beat yourself up yet. We just started.”

“How can I not, mom?! For all I know is, she’s that thing’s dinner.”

“You don’t know that.” She shakes her head. “You don’t know that.”

“Mom, please, I–”

“Hey!” Hopper says while snapping his fingers. “We might have a problem.” He waited for them to get closer for him to shine his flashlight down by his feet, and there was a trail of blood that stretched further into the woods. “It’s fresh.” He frowns, nervously. “Come on.”

They start following the trail, their breaths caught in their throats. What if this was hers? What if that thing did show up and caught her? Was she still alive? Was she badly hurt? What would the outcome be?

“NANCY!” Jonathan calls out once more, half expecting no reply until–

“Jonathan!”

The three of them paused, startled to hear a girl’s voice. He says her name again, and gets the same reply.

“Shit–” Hopper curses and bolts off, the two of them hot on his tail.

“Nancy!” Jonathan shouts again, the blood path ends right at a tree trunk. But what was at the base of the tree is what made him gag, the sight of something so disgusting with veins oozing out of the bark like it was infected. 

Joyce gasps sharply. “T-That’s it! That was what was on my wall!” 

“And that’s what I saw in the lab.” Hopper replies, crouching down with the rest of them. He brushes away some of the sticky cobwebs, a red hue covering his hand. “What the hell is this th–”

“JONATHAN!!” 

The three of them flinched when they heard her voice again. 

Her voice that was…

Coming out of the tree.

“Nancy!” Jonathan’s eyes widened as slams his fist into the tree, trying to see if he got the bubble to pop. He wasn’t going to lose her like this. Not when she was literally at their fingertips. He tries again, and again, screaming her name.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE OTHER SIDE ||

Stephanie heard her name again in the far distance, and all she could do was move her crying eyes towards the opening. Even in this… whatever this place was, the light was trying to come in, trying to save her from giving in, but…

It was getting so hard to not give in. 

She felt his fingers start brushing the sides of her face, drowning out her favorite song that was likely the last time she’ll ever hear it. 

So this is it. She thought, depressingly. This is how she dies. Not by the cold, nor the starvation, and nor getting killed by the beast, no. She was going to die by an imagination of her father. She felt some more tears roll down her paralyzed body, and started accepting her fate.

If this is it, then I guess I’ve lived… a pretty decent life. She starts closing her eyes, her soul in this force’s grasp–

|| STEPHANIE! WAKE UP! ||

Will… I’m so sorry. Her heart clenches for him. I failed you… I am so–

|| PLEASE, WAKE UP! I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU! ||

She gasps quietly. Will…

|| I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU! NOT LIKE THIS! PLEASE! || 

He’s… he’s not mad at me? 

|| WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THIS TOGETHER! ||

But, I–

|| WE ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS TOGETHER! SO FIGHT IT! ||

Fight it? Can she? Can she get out of this hold?

Her father must have realized she was thinking this and intervened. “You don’t want to fight it. You want to give in. Let it all go.” He says, making her start doubting again.

Maybe… I should.

|| WHATEVER HAS A HOLD ON YOU, YOU NEED TO FIGHT! FIGHT IT! COME BACK TO ME! ||

Another gasp.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

He wants her to come back to him. He wants her too. He wants her to be with him.

He wants me to be with him. He actually does.

|| REMEMBER WHAT YOU’RE FIGHTING FOR! WE HAVE TO GO HOME! WE HAVE TO GET HOME TO OUR FAMILIES! REMEMBER WHAT WE HAVE WAITING FOR US WHEN WE GET HOME! ||

Remember.

Remember what she has waiting for her. 

Remember.

Remember everything that brings her joy.

.

// Dustin, meet your big sister // Her Mother said, placing the tiny baby in her arms. Stephanie remembers how happy she was to become a big sister. She remembers how much that title meant to her. 

.

.

She remembers the clown costume she wore for one Halloween. The first one she was hanging out with her brother and his friends. They all decided that year to dress as their D&D characters, and how happy they were when their costume were finally done being made – and how much candy they scored from the creativity of it all.

.

.

She remembers her mom teaching her to sew. She ripped a hole in her favorite shirt, and her mother was patient and kind enough to show how to do it the next time it happens.

// Thanks, mom //

// Anytime, sweetheart //

.

.

It rained halfway through the concert, that warm season rain. But the band kept playing, Munson even cracking a joke about it in the middle of their song. Stephanie laughed in excitement, slicking her locks back from her face as her and the crowd cheered them on.

// This is amazing // She said, looking at her friend. // Thank you //

// Even with the rain? // Steve asked, smiling fondly.

// Even with the rain // And she smiles back.

.

.

// This is the best gift ever! // The eight year old birthday boy, Dustin, shouts, and holds up a vintage X-Men comic. // Thank you, Phanie! //

He almost knocks her over, hugging her tightly and giving one of his rare kisses to her cheek.

.

.

// Hey… Hey… I wanna… I wanna tell you something // Steve slurs, leaning his upper body against the cafeteria table. The two of them had snuck away from the ‘Snow Ball’ and decided to be a little naughty. He somehow managed to sneak in some alcohol to celebrate them going into the Teen Years. 

Stephanie giggles, a bit of a ditzy drunk. // W-What? Spit it out, S-Stevie //

// Ooookay… // He leans forward more. // Fia… I… I l-love you //

She hums, smiling. // Well, I love you too, Steve. //

// Noooo, no. N-Not like that. // He says, partially laying half his body over the table now to grab her hand. // Like… I love you, love you //

.

.

She remembers the second day of being here in this strange place. And despite how scared she was for her and Will, she honestly enjoyed the boy’s company. He reminded her of so much like Dustin, just a bit quieter, unless you were talking about his favorite things.

Steph shakes her head with a sigh. // Oh, well. I guess I’ll have to prove him wrong when I play //

// So you are going to play with us! // Will said, joyfully, like you just told him Christmas was coming early.

// If that’s how I prove Lucas wrong, then so be it. So how does one newbie play D&D? // She asked, hopefully this will keep him occupied. 

.

.

The last thing she remembers is Steve pressing his lips into hers, proving his point that he loves her more than a friend. 

.

.

Stephanie doesn’t know what possessed her, but she snaps her eyes open and uses her new found strength to push her father away from her. Like she was being held by rope, the invisible hold snapped and she fell to her knees, gasping in air. 

Will. I got to get to Will. She tells herself, as she feels someone looming over her. She takes a look and screams. Whoever replaced the appearance of her father was someone who looked inhumane. Its whole body looked burned and bent, some hair stuck out from the top of its head, and it had an eye that looked like it had been blinded. Its pissed off expression was enough to make her scramble away and break for the opening at the end of the darkness. 

She took only a split second to look back as she felt like she broke through an invisible barrier, the gambling room was gone and replaced with an area that was covered in gross vines and scattered in a crimson color. A storm brewed above her, in its own version of thunder and lightning. The figure stayed in one place, watching her try to run away before deciding to create some obstacles.

Stephanie felt the ground shake beneath her, and watched as what looked like spikes shot up and out of the bloody ground. She shrieked and dodged the best she could, trying to stay more hopeful when she could hear ‘Separate Ways’ again, and Will’s cries for her not to give up. 

I can’t give up! I have to go home! She hears her inner thoughts echoed, along with somebody else’s. As she continues breaking into a sprint, something catches her eye. Alongside her she can see a few silhouettes that seemed to be running at the same pace as her. She blinks and turns to the otherside, seeing the same thing.

‘I can’t give up!’ They all shouted, but she couldn’t pinpoint the voices or who these people were supposed to be.

Is this another trick? Or were these other victims of this place? 

Her thoughts were cut off when something fell from the sky, knocking her over, dousing her red. She wastes not a second of hesitation to push herself back up and run, the silhouettes disappearing from her sight. Now, she has to put all her focus on the opening that was starting to grow smaller and smaller. 

She balls her hands into fists, pushing herself to the limit. She hears her name being screamed, and the room rattling more. And as she gets closer and closer to the light, she prays she’d make it through – taking the literal leap of faith, she jumps with all her might into glow…

.

.

.

.

.

.

She screams awake, and begins free falling to the ground. 

“Stephanie!” Will shouts, as the girl went splat across the ground. “Stephanie!”

Steph screams again, shooting up a sitting position as she claws the walkman off her head. She takes in a whole gulp of air that sounds like she’s choking, and panting at the same time. The thought of her almost dying was repeating over and over again on a loop in her mind.

“Stephanie!” He cries out, and tackles her for a hug. “Stephanie…” He squeezes her tight, the reality of it all settling in for the both of them. Tears were rolling down his face as he buried his head into her neck. “Steph… I-I thought I lost you. I r-really, really d-did.”

It took a split second before she broke down crying too, sobbing loudly as she wrapped her arms around him in the same vice grip. The thought of almost leaving him alone in this place scared her so much.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” She whispers, trying to comfort them both. “I’m okay… You saved me…” She hears him start bawling at her words making her break even more. “You saved me… you really did save me…”

And that was one hundred percent the truth. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Steve manages to get the kids home, bidding them goodbye and reassuring Mike that he was in fact going out to look for El. He just needs to go home first to change out of his suit and get the appropriate equipment. When he arrived home a little after nine, he noticed all the lights were off, and felt a bit of relief.

Good. I can get in and out. But his hopes were just burned at the stake, ‘cause as soon as he opens the door, the living room light turns on. He freezes and winces when he knows who it is.

“You went to her funeral?” His mother said, arms crossed as she was sitting in a chair. 

Jesus Christ, of course… He keeps a straight face to look at her. “My girlfriend asked me to come to Will Byers’ funeral. He was the best friend of her brother. The only reason I went to Stephanie’s is because it was a joint funeral.”

“Joint funeral?” Jessica asks, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. 

“Yeah.” He nods. “The families are close, and they both died together so…”

She hums, standing up, walking over to get right in his face. “You’re not lying to me, are you, Steven?”

“No, Mom. Why would I lie to you?”

“‘Cause you have before.”

“Well not this time. I went there to support Nancy and family through this hard time.”

She hums again, buying his lie this time. “Okay. Just checking.” Then she sighs. “It’s a shame though, the Wheelers are close to those Byers. Not exactly a classy family.” 

Steve felt his blood boil a bit, and had to hold his tongue. He should have foreseen her saying something like this. 

“But…” She continues. “You are dating a Wheeler, so I can let that slide.”

Oh, he really wants to say something to her now, but he doesn’t want to start a war. At least not yet. “Where’s dad?”

“Sleeping. Long day at the office for him.” 

“Sounds like it.” Steve shifts his stance. “Uh, listen, I’m going to uh, hit the hay myself.” He starts making his way towards the stairs. “Night, mom.”

“You going to shower first?” Jessica asks, stopping him again.

He quietly sighs, no point in pushing back. “Yeah, mom, I’ll shower first.”

“Good.” She smiles, and squeezes his shoulder as she passes by. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He lets her go up the stairs first and up to her room before doing the same. Their interaction wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be, probably because he didn’t push back on her like he sometimes did. Steve snags some comfortable clothes in his room while stepping inside the bathroom, turning the shower on. Knowing his mother, she was probably staying up and waiting to see if he actually listened to her “suggestion”. 

Sicko. He thought, shedding off his funeral wear to change into the extras. He cleans his face off, thinking of his plan. El could have gone anywhere, and he wasn’t sure what a one man show like him can do about it. But he’s made a promise to the boys, one that he has to keep.

And for my sake, I have to find her. I need to know if she’s okay. 

He has to.

He needs to.

.

.

.

She might be the key to finding Stephanie.

(TBC)

-A/N: Fin! Thanks for sticking for the two parts :) -

~

-Taglist is Open-

@ladygrey03 @poppet05 @tooearlyforthis @lovesfics @lordzzz

@mirkwoodshewolf @sadbitchfangirl @olivewisp

@emsownuniverse @unspecifiedvisitor @smaryamsstuff @kitty49646 @jinxeee @bookkeeperlove @prozacgooble @goth-baby98 @aainr @luca-random-stuff @catradorapotter

[reasonsforhope]

Your blog is a literal god send for me, I’ve been feeling so depressed, pessimistic, nihilistic and cynical at the state of the world right now and my fear of if I even have a future, but your blog is absolutely what I needed right now, so I can’t thank you enough. I’m just so happy to see someone who is hopeful and positive and not pessimistic, and it makes me legit want to cry tears of joy. How are you able to stay so positive and optimistic despite everything going on?

<3 <3 <3

As for how I stay optimistic and relatively positive? Lots of effort and hard work.

I'm not naturally an optimist. I spent most of my life (and certainly my adolescence lol) being pretty angry and cynical.

It's not that I never feel depressed or despairing about the state of the world. There's fucked up shit happening, indisputably, and hey, I'm trans, it's been a rough fucking year for that. But I guess I try to focus on the difference between passing moods and baseline worldview.

Some of the main ways I moved my baseline worldview to be optimistic and hopeful:

A lot of reading and looking at data and in-depth stories. The headlines never give you enough of the story - hell, most news articles don't these days, because they're so skewed toward negative news

Especially reading/looking at good news sites (I have a masterpost of good news sites here). There are good things happening everywhere that you never hear about. Mostly, you only ever hear about the good things when there's been a huge setback, which sucks!

I'm basically not on social media. Nothing except Tumblr, Facebook, and LinkedIn, and I only ever go on FB and linkedin briefly for business. It's fantastic, can't recommend ditching social media enough

I made sure I was doing something to help (aka I started this blog. I would also volunteer but my disabilities and a lot of logistics make that complicated)

My job involves reading a couple dozen self-help books a year lol, not gonna lie that def helps

Taking a long perspective of time. It often doesn't feel like it, but statistically, this really is the best time to be alive. (Here's a fantastic essay about many of the reasons why.) People really gloss over how much most of the past kinda fucking sucked to live in. 50% of all people used to die before their 15th birthday, for basically all of history until the past 200 years!! Imagine having to live with that. Imagine all of that pain and grief literally everywhere. I'm really happy about living in modern times, actually!

That last point is esp helpful to remember for me because I'm 100% for sure on the list of "people who would've died in childbirth" pre modern medicine (and my mom would've died having me, too). It was modern times or nothing lol

The vast majority of the world has spent the past 300 to 500 years being absolutely brutalized by white people and/or the West. There's still a lot of fallout to fix and colonialism to uproot, but I genuinely can't wait to see what people and nations will achieve with sustained self-rule and significantly fewer massive atrocities

Solarpunk and hopepunk stuff

I'm gonna make a whole post about this at some point but the fact that we eliminated scarcity in the past few decades actually changes the entire fucking game for the world (literally it's not a zero sum game anymore) and for the future. We're allowed a bit of a learning curve I think

I listen to the Rent soundtrack a lot and go "well you know what being trans right now sucks but being trans at the height of the aids crisis would've been way fucking worse" lol rip

Meds! Meds. Antidepressants and antianxiety meds unfortunately don't work for everyone (yet!), but also thank fuck for meds

Progress almost always happens in slow, tiny increments, with a lot of stops and starts and setbacks. You have to always remember that there are always people fighting somewhere, and if they're stopped, there will always be more people to pick up the fight in the future

[hidetothink]

Just want you to know that as a homosexual raised religious, reading your posts about your life now vs when you finally made the decision to come out gives me so much hope. Yes, this is just a tumblr blog, but it means something to read how much life has changed for you in so many beautiful ways.

When I FIRST came out to my parents, it was actually a few months BEFORE I went to college. I'd just graduated high school, and I was finally moving into the next stage of my life. Everyone was so excited. The only thing keeping me from slitting my wrists was knowing I'd spend eternity in hell for it

I wanted to die. The loneliness I anticipated for my life was unbearable. I believed, based on how I was taught about sexuality, morality, etc. that I was potentially dangerous to the people around me. I quietly but intentionally cut off my friends. I spent more and more time alone at home. If I let people be friends with me but didn't tell them I was a homosexual, I risked tricking THEM into sin, even sending THEM to hell. This was my life, forever, as a queer. I would always be alone, for everyone's safety

So it was the night of my graduation. I'd just gotten home from driving to a grad party, parking in the driveway, and returning home in tears without leaving the car. I texted a suicide hotline at midnight and poured out four years of agony. My parents knocked on the door. I'd texted them by accident instead

I told my parents the truth. I came out. I was a homosexual. But more importantly, I knew how disgusting and unacceptable that was. I told them I was a homosexual, and I would never let myself act on that sinful urge

But I needed to know they could love me. Not the son who would grow up and marry a woman, give them grandchildren, and be the godly man I was called to be. I needed to know they loved me as I was, as a homosexual. I needed to know they'd love me if I couldn't fit it

My mother pulled me aside at one point that following summer. "Are you sure you couldn't try to change it?" I assured her I had tried. I didn't show the dried blood on my childhood bible, proof of my DIY conversion attempts. My father never said a word. His first and only comment came over a year later when I admited I was more than a homosexual, I planned to act on it. "We aren't talking about this." We didn't. We didn't share a single word about it for more than a year

It's 2023. In a year, it will have been a decade since I graduated HS

My mom taps me on the arm. Her entire face smiles as she nods to my boyfriend and whispers just loud enough for me to hear. "We really like this one. We REALLY like him."

I can't even remember what she was commenting on. She's said it too many times now

Time cannot heal all wounds, but it can do incredible things anon. Be well <3

[readythefanons]

self-critique - faded

DE voice lines (Harry's skills) + music

This one was built around a few scenes: the self critique resolution, the memory of sledding and Harry’s mom, and the whistling scene (failed attempt version).

Duration: 3:14

gosh reddy i love these weird audios i'd love to hear more

Credits, comments, and transcript below the jump

Comments & Credits

This was my most ambitious project so far, mostly because I had several specific scenes I wanted to pull from, and to get those audio clips I had to draw from… six? Audio sources? So that was a lot, for me :) But I’m really grateful I was able to find the audio clips I wanted. (Self critique + the shivers memory from the measurehead scene + the narration from the whistling scene with Kim + the electrochem line about rewriting synapses)

I want to give some Tumblr thank-yous. Specifically, I’m grateful for this tumblr post from doddsmountain, which made me aware of the shivers narration from the measurehead scene. As for the electrochem voice line, I came to know about it from this tumblr post by suresne. Thank you to @doddsmountain and @suresne for unknowningly contributing to this project :) [i don't know you personally so i apologize if you dislike being tagged and please lmk if you would like me to untag you!]

Duration: 3:14

Rigorous self-critique voice lines from FolLow

Volition voice lines by GrandFrance

Electrochemistry voice lines from The 41st Precinct

Shivers voice lines from

Pain threshold voice lines by GrandFrance

Sunken Motor Carriage scene voice lines by Luckless Lovelocks

Music: “Faded” by CalvinClavier on Pixabay

Ocean and seagull sound effects are also from Pixabay

Assembled in Audacity

More like this

=Transcript=

RSC: You let life defeat you. All the gifts your parents gave you, all the love and patience of your friends, you drowned in a neurotoxin. And, above all, you let misery win. And it will keep on winning ‘til you die -- or overcome it.

V: You can. It's possible, because time is possible.

EC: Synapses can be rerouted. The mind takes on a new shape.

V: Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something.

PT: Breathe.

V: This isn’t the end of the world yet.

PT: Just breathe.

SH: Something moves in the depths of your mind, sending shocks of cold through the connective tissue. You're sitting on a kicksled, whizzing through the snow. A warm, kind presence is guiding the sled behind you, her mittened hand resting on your back. You feel very, very loved -- and very, very safe.

PT: It’s okay. Breathe in slowly.

V: Weave this into the story of you. This might help against whatever comes next.

Steel yourself. Push on. Just wade through the hell. Month after month. Year after year: you against the nothingness. Walk out of its ruins. Save those who still can be saved. You’re still alive.

You can do it. It’s nothing. Do it for the city, not for yourself. For the people of Revachol.

PT: Breathe.

V: Just remember that you’ve made it this far, and it’s just a bit farther now. Let’s finish this.

N: With his lips puckered the lieutenant lets out a beautiful melodic trill that puts even the Insulindic thrush to shame.

You hear the sound echo on the large body of water. Clouds race across the spring sky and suddenly you just feel better. About everything.

V: You will make it.

.

[Attributions are as follows:

RSC: Rigorous self-critique

V: Volition

EC: Electrochemistry

PT: Pain threshold

SH: Shivers

N: Narration from the “sunken motor carriage” scene.]

[squimp]

@peemil tagged me... HI EMIL 😁😁😁

three ships:

I literally cant think of jack shit im coming back to this one.

Okay i thought about it. My answer is.

1) FREDDY X JASON ❤️

2) The incomparable Jiles.

And last but not least sorry if its #cringe but....

3) the feminine yet fierce Garashir

first ship:

Ok if i really reach back into the annals of #havihistory.... when i was in like 5th/6th grade I was really into the tumblr community of mjnecraft oc askblogs like askenderbro (i had to google that shit to remember the username and then i found this ask that i literally distinctly remember I SENT IN AS A CHILD. I cant prove it but like I swear on my life I sent this one in. I was always on that men in dresses wavelength. I was always a real one

Anyway TLDR i made my own minecraft oc askblog with my character who was like a cute angelgirl "daughter of notch" and i had made friends with some other probably-kids blog with a similarly aged cute boy oc and we both totally shipped them together LOL after this i wanna see if i can dig up that blog i made... it might just be the earliest posts on my old acct before i remade tho

last song i listened to:

EPERDU BY COCTEAU TWINS 😁😁😁😁😁😁

Fuck with me

currently reading:

ummm i still need to finish where i left off on heaven and hell by aldous huxley... my mom got me doors of perception + heaven and hell in 1 book as a present and ive been eating it up

currently watching:

BBC GHOSTS 😋😋😋😋😋😋

relationship status:

i ❤️ my friendships and always hope to do what i can do to make them stronger even though i feel it isnt really my strong suit... IM TRYING!!!

current obsessions:

idk but I really miss tabletop gaming like dnd type stuff. Lately i cant stop thinking about how fun it might be to try dming/gming for the first time and i reeeeally want to but finding a group + scheduling shit is so hard i might give up (at least for now until after i graduate 😅)

currently craving:

i was craving pierogis so i went to a restaurant and ate pierogis. its about drive its about power we get hungry we devour 🔥🔥🔥🔥

fave color: BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tagging:

oh man. Um. Im supposed to tag like 7-8ppl i think but i feel like half the people i would have tagged emil already just tagged LOL... so instead will say @petitjury @leolaroot @kingdeath000 @slugmaid @wolfstrong @grouperblog @theygotlost @sallytwo @yarboyandy no pressure obviously is for fun... but im always sending good thoughts to you all regardless of anything... PEACE

[casperghoost]

A rant about my experience growing up Catholic ft. Ghost

Tw: mention of depression and suicide

Man, I want to rant about ghost and explain the entirety of the ghost lore to my mom so badly, but considering that basically everything they sing about is worshipping Satan it’s probably not a good idea lol. Like my parents are too religious and I think I’m already on thin ice… next thing I know they’re gonna drag me back to church with them for the first time in 3 years

I certainly don’t have anything against Christians and I send love to all the ghesties who happen to be religious, but when i used to go to church I did not feel welcome there especially in my teenage years. I live in the type of town that’s full of xenophobic conservatives so after I wanted to start expressing myself as a queer non-binary person, I got so many weird looks every time I went out especially going to church and/or seeing people my parents were friends with.

Throughout all my childhood I went to Sunday school and I never actually wanted to be there. I don’t even remember most of the stuff they taught us, but I remember hearing a bunch of stuff that scared me into following Catholicism (ex. We learned about heaven and hell in like 2nd grade and I was scared shitless that if I didn’t “repent” and do x y and z for the rest of my life I would be stuck in hell for eternity).

So by the time I was 12-13, I started to question everything about the Catholic Church. This was also a time that my mental health was rapidly declining so I hated having to get up at 8am every Sunday (considering school this meant I only got an adequate amount of sleep 6 days a week) to spend an hour worshiping a god I barely believed in anymore. I tried praying for my life to get better so I didn’t have to suffer through depression suicidal thoughts anymore but nothing changed. It only got worse until I hit rock bottom at the age of 14 and I was hospitalized and that started a long and rough journey through recovery.

(Note: religion was not the core reason for my struggles with mental health, but it played a part in it)

Since then, I never returned and I think my parents understand why. In the past year or so, I’ve gotten interested in Satanism and the way it embraces freedom, self-empowerment, and justice. I sorta love listening to ghost and other satanic/ occult-related songs and artists because it makes me feel good about myself. I, like many others, find it liberating to embrace a sort of darker and less traditional style to life.

This started as a silly little post sharing my thoughts about how being obsessed with ghost and satanic stuff could get me in a lot of trouble with the environment I live in, but I love rambling sometimes. This is one of the first times I’ve shared something so personal on tumblr XD …I may of may not delete this later tbh.

I’d be surprised if anyone actually read all this, but if you did, thanks for listening :)

[quinloki]

💫, 🕯(there were two candle questions, I want to know about the creating healthy fandom experiences one)

Love seeing your posts on my dash ❤️

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Honestly, all of it. I love all of it, because more than anything else I love to see all the different ways people react to the same thing. I love when they react similar, I love when they react different.

I DELIGHT in reading paragraphs of nearly unintelligible gushing - and paragraphs of completely organized breakdowns of themes and moments that just struck them so completely.

I love unhinged comments - I love the "I need a cold shower" or "Oh fuck that's hot." or "I'll be in my bunk" XD

I'll admit I don't need to know that *I* have made someon horny, but hells I'm okay knowing my story has turned their crank. turns mine too, let's be fair.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

Ah.

I'm going to start this with some perspective.

I have anxiety so bad, I WFH, get my groceries delivered, and have to have my spouse with me if I got anywhere that isn't, say, my mom's or my dad's. I have to. I'll break down at the doctor's office if I'm alone. My anxiety is bad. I've gone from perfectly functional, to hyperventilating under my desk because something got too close to the window.

All that said, I love tumblr, and Ao3 and twitter can probably DIAF honestly, but I can appreciate how it works for some folks.

Interactions are a part of humanity. We're social creatures, even if that socializing aspect isn't always face to face.

Knowing we're not alone - be it in parts of our identity, or the things we enjoy, provides immense joy. For some people the boundaries of that disappear on the horizon, and for others those boundaries are about 5 or so feet.

Interacting with different people, however, helps expands everyone's horizons. You learn so much about people, and yourself, especially if you're open and willing to learn.

It can hard, and ugly, and some people are going to be mean and unreasonable and awful no matter how kind you are. There's just too many people - no space, no place is perfect, because none of the people in those spaces are perfect.

But that's the healthy part. Learning those imperfections are okay. Learning that differences don't have to be your vibe to be okay. Learning that the lens from which you perceive the world is far from the only kind.

And finding people who click with you. People who are delighted to talk to you, to send you pixelated hugs, to send you sweet animals and funny videos when you have a hard day - find those people is worth it.

It's worth the unreasonable anons. It's worth the risk of useless hate. It's worth the risk of being under the desk hyperventilating and sobbing because one ping was a ping too many.

Times change. Good times, and bad times. Don't hold on to the good ones so hard they break, and don't let the bad times grip you so tightly that you break.

And when that's hard, there's pet pictures, and fan fic, and dark content, and fluffy content, and an entire network of people who are saying "I made this" "I support this" "I love this"

"I needed this."

... ah, I'm getting a bit misty-eyed. Sorry ^^;

Let's Get ((REAL))

[thatforgottenbasilisk]

FIC MASTERPOST!!

Hi, I'm Basil, I write fanfics sometimes. Some of them are fun and funky AUs, so feel free to send asks about them! I'll elaborate on anything, even if it's a oneshot from forever ago. There's bound to be something from it rattling around in my brain that wasn't fully discussed in the fic!

Here's my AO3

My writing tag on tumblr (I can't guarantee you'll find everything you're looking for on here, and I absolutely can't guarantee you won't find posts that are just. Links to AO3. So honestly it's best to go to AO3)

How to Request/Commission a Fic from me

Be Warned: I do write crossover fics. They have their own dedicated section on here :) Additionally, some stuff that's currently on my AO3 will not be linked here- anything before 2021 is a no go. You're free to read it, though! It's just for fandoms that I'm unlikely to write for again, so I'm not going to bait people like that by putting it on the list. Also, I was an infant when I wrote those fics.

Other than that, the list is below the cut!

CHALLENGE FICS, MISCELLANEOUS WORKS, AND ONESHOTS

Okay, right off the bat, there's no way I can individually link and describe all of my oneshots. There's too many. Here's what I can do:

Link all of my fics that came from tumblr asks

Link all of my BTHB fics (I do have a second card that I'll bring back eventually for prompts from tumblr)

Link all of my Afohiko (All for One x Gran Torino) fics, which is mostly oneshots

Link my Whumptober 2023 fics, which are all oneshots. No, not all of them have been posted yet, but IT'S GONNA HAPPEN

Link my Febuwhump 2024 fics, which are MOSTLY oneshots. No, not all of these have been posted yet, either, but they WILL

Link my Tim Stoker is Entity Catnip series, which are all fics where Tim gets picked up by different Entities. Mostly oneshots

There are more oneshots that are not in any of these series-es! This is because I'm insane! They'll be found in their respective fandom categories.

MY HERO ACADEMIA

MHA is my most written-for fandom. If you're exclusively in one of the other fandoms on this list, I apologize for the scroll in advance. This section is in alphabetical order, by the way.

Incomplete Fics

the gremlin zone - Your garden-variety group chat themed crack fic. It's centered around the Todoroki siblings, and also I'm halfway convinced that it's sentient. The plot goes without my consent. Don't ask what's going to happen in its future because I know just as much as you do

how to live with yourself - Fuyumi killed a guy when she was 13. That's it, that's the premise, except for the fact that it's slowly revealed that there may be more to this AU than just that. Some people have their secrets, and it's only a matter of time before they all come out one way or another.

in love i've always been a mercenary - Shimura Nana harbors a fugitive who's trying to go legit, except for the fact that the fugitive is All for One's ex-husband and there are some details that just don't add up quite right.

One Loop at a Time - Your garden-variety time loop themed crack fic. This one has slow updates; I have this awful habit of writing one chapter of a thing and taking forever to continue it, and this fic is a victim of that AND its chapters are long as hell. If you're willing to deal with that, it's a time loop where each member of 1-A (and possibly more!) is slowly brought into the loop, and they slowly go from "normal 1-A" to "crack 1-A" as the loop keeps. On. Going.

Sins of the Father - Midoriya Izuku is the son of All for One. This means that he's All for One's most prized possession, in addition to his own personal attack dog. There's no hope of escape, and even if there were, would he even deserve to take that opportunity?

some heroes wear masks (some of those masks are stolen) - Midoriya Izuku is quirkless, jobless, and completely down on his luck. Mom's bills are only getting higher, while Dad's contributions and her paychecks are only getting smaller. There's an offer for anyone available, a huge payout for whoever takes it, except that it comes with the territory of being a villain. Izuku needs that payout, but he can clear his conscience while he's at it.

We all fall apart - Touya and Fuyumi were both trained by Endeavor to be heroes. Both of them are dead. Natsuo desperately wants to protect Shouto, Shouto just wants him to live a life for himself, and neither of them are okay. The Todoroki family is a wreck, and to top it all off, there's no way in hell that Dabi is anything human.

Incomplete Series

Everyone's a Hero (1-A Fics) - Okay, this one's full of fics that are disconnected from each other. They're all different AUs. The one thing they have in common is that each and every one of them focuses on a member of Class 1-A, even the ones that don't get much characterization or screentime. They all get a fic. As of right now, it only contains one fic, but more will be added soon!

The Phantom of Shinomori Prefecture - Fuyumi is the Baby Driver of this AU. She's also in contact with Dabi. Endeavor has a ton of fancy cars that he doesn't drive, Rei's a Russian immigrant, and Touya and Fuyumi both drive like maniacs.

the todofam-plus-izuku's adventures in vigilantism - Izuku decides to be a vigilante. Natsuo is an established vigilante. There will be more of them.

Complete Fics

All the eggshells are on the ground - Oneshot. Villain Gran Torino and Hero Shimura Nana. They're... kind of a thing? She can fix him

And so the gods were pulled down from the Heavens / And so the gods were pulled up from the Earth - Oneshot. Something about old gods?? I don't remember tbh I wrote this a long time ago. Funky narration tho

Blackjack - Oneshot. Touya knows how to count cards. He still remembers it years later, when he goes by Dabi instead.

The Inconstant Nature of Hatred (it's a spark, it's a flame, it's a dying ember but it's not gone yet) - Oneshot. Dabi character study, also from a long time ago. He thinks on his situation, just before he gets the call to join the League.

Sharpened Teeth (Won't Be Broken) - Oneshot. Toga Himiko meets a responsible healthcare provider who follows child protection protocols!! Amazing!!

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

TMA is my second-most written for fandom, and before you ask, no I have not listened to Protocol yet. You will know when I do, trust me. Again, this section is in alphabetical order.

Incomplete Fics

fireworks (and their ashes) - Tim is a Desolation Avatar, and post-Unknowing, he Becomes and then he abandons the Archives/Institute. Jon wakes up from his coma and everything kind of goes to shit? It gets better. Mostly.

Jonathan Sims Is Dead In The End - So you know how "The Archivist goes back to their S1 body and does time travel fix-it from there" is a whole genre of TMA fics at this point? Yeah. This is that. Except the Archivist isn't Jon, and the original timeline is nothing like our original timeline. Also, the ending isn't all that happy, in case the title didn't clue you in already.

the unofficial adventures of the unofficial archive group chat - Your garden-variety group chat themed crack fic. Archival assistants start a group chat, uncover a conspiracy, and act terminally stupid, not necessarily in this order. This is another fic that I'm half-convinced is somewhat sentient. I don't have any input on this plot

Watchers - Tim Stoker is an unwilling agent of Beholding. This is set before the Unknowing, so a big learning curve is happening for both himself and Jon. Also, I'm still taking bets on what the endgame ship is going to be, because I know myself well enough to know there will be a ship but I have no idea who's going to be involved in it.

Complete Fics

Elias Bouchard: Post-Mortem - Twoshot. Jonah Magnus decides to possess some loser Elias Bouchard, except "some loser" Elias apparently had some secrets that even Jonah isn't in on.

Goodbye, from a Human Monster to an Inhuman Beast - Oneshot. Annabelle Cane waits for the apocalypse.

TMA/MHA CROSSOVERS

Yes, this specific fandom crossover has its own section. I'm terminally insane.

Incomplete Fics

Closed Doors - Todoroki Rei is a Lukas on her father's side. This has had a marked effect on the Todoroki family. Additionally, some other suspicious things are afoot, and Japan is becoming more dangerous by the day. Nobody is safe from the games being played by those in the shadows.

The Series (!!)

These Statements Certainly Have Their Quirks (Main Series) - The Series. When I refer to "my crossover verse," this is what I'm talking about. Jonathan Sims thinks that something's going down in Japan, so he takes Statements from prominent individuals who may be involved.

TMA/BNHA crossover brainrot <3 - The exact same as the above, but this series also contains bonus content and AUs directly branching off of the above AU. Hence, it's marked as incomplete, so that I can keep writing bonus Statements and things even though the main series is complete :)

Complete Fics

Red Spatter - Oneshot. Statement of Todoroki Touya, regarding his younger sister. Blood/violence warning

Replacement (The Grape Needs to Go) - Oneshot. Mineta is replaced by Shinsou. I mean this very literally.

Shadow's Call - Oneshot. Statement of Uraraka Ochako, regarding recent power outages at her high school.

MISCELLANEOUS OTHER CROSSOVERS

Still terminally insane. There will be more in this section! I have a MHA/Tokyo Ghoul crossover in the works! It's going to be actually started when I don't have so many WIPs but there will be more!!

Complete Fics

hell isn't hot (not when the cold is so much worse) - Oneshot. Goncharov/TMA crossover, written in- you guessed it- November of 2022. Fun fact this is my only fic that has a podfic as of right now

I've got you / Under my skin - Oneshot. Unwind Dystology/TMA crossover, written mostly because I could. Hayden Upchurch is an Avatar of the Web, and if you know who that guy is, you understand a very particular kind of mental illness that this series inflicted upon me when I was a child.

Complete Series

Buzzfeed Unsolved/Markiplier Cinematic Universe (MCU) - Series. Buzzfeed Unsolved investigates Markiplier Manor from WKM. Just barely scrapes past the "nothing from before 2021" rule by virtue of procrastinating the last chapter until 2022. It's cute and silly and very 2019. The idea of doing more fake Unsolved episodes for fandom things is still kind of silly to me :) A little tempting :) (i am not implying anything directly but if you come to my askbox then maybe)

[anthropwashere]

I've gotten two letters from my mom since my aunt died last month and they've both been just. So, so aggressively manipulative. Y'all can skip this post. I'm not looking for sympathy likes/replies. I just need a good rant and sometimes it does pay to yell into the Tumblr void.

Still—still!—she insists I have never told her why I refuse to speak to her anymore. She has the receipts on this, going all the way back over a decade ago to my early 20s when I conceded to communicate to her solely through e-mails. That avenue of communication ended with me blocking her pretty much everywhere online after she called me a sociopathic bitch on a public platform family, friends, and coworkers followed me on. Very cool of her, very mature.

(If memory serves she was arrested shortly thereafter. Pity it wasn't for something more serious than, jeez, I can't be assed to remember. Something to do with her driver's license? I know she asked me for a couple grand about it and cussed me out when I told her my baby Airman ass literally did not have the money even if I were inclined to help her.)

Every single letter she sends me includes a brief tangent about how she's been watching YouTube videos about estranged families (both sides! she always includes the both sides!). She always says she wants to understand but she can't because I've never told her why I refuse to talk to her anymore.

How many phonecalls, how many HOURS, have I wasted crying in rage and despair as I try to tell her all the ways she hurt me, physically and emotionally and mentally, before I realized she'd never accept it? That she would always, always try to gaslight me like this? That she'd give me that guileless, wide-eyed and furrowed brow anxious stare and that high, plaintive goddamn voice. That she'd convince me time and time and time and time again that maybe, maybe I'm overreacting?

This most recent letter was a real treat. She went out of her way to say she wasn't trying to guilt trip me, really, but she's JUST lost both her sisters AND her parents in the last year and she's terrified she might die soon next so WHY won't her ONLY DAUGHTER just TALK to her? 😭

So, firstly. I can only speak for myself and my interpretations of what my extended family will feel, but I'm pretty goddamn sure we're all gonna CHEER when she finally fucking kicks the bucket. Ain't nobody gonna miss her when she croaks. Even if her sisters outlived her that'd be the same. My only complaint when she does die is that I'm gonna insist on paying for all of the funerary expenses because she's already leeched too goddamn much from the rest of the family. No way is anyone gonna pay for her bullshit one last time, even if that means paying folks back with interest after I fly back to California. And you can be sure I'm gonna go out of my way to take the cheapest route possible at every opportunity out of spite. This woman doesn't deserve better than the bare minimum. That's all she's ever given everyone else after all.

Secondly, I will concede the fact that yes, she's lost both her sisters in the last year, not even a full year apart from each other. And that sucks! It's extremely fucking sad! My aunts raised me as much as she did, and they both sure as hell paid for more of my childhood needs than she ever did. I was able to afford to go to my younger aunt's funeral last year, but even with the surprise disability backpay I got this year I've been dealing with a lot of owning-a-100+-year-old house expenses (such as replacing the entire goddamn original roof) this year, so I genuinely couldn't make the trip for my older aunt's funeral. Two family members offered to pay for my flight and I just couldn't accept that kindness because I grew up watching my mom take and take and take and take from the family.

THIRDLY HOWEVER.

Her mom, my maternal grandma, died TWENTY YEARS AGO. Her dad, my maternal grandpa, died THIRTY YEARS AGO. And she hated her parents! She fucking loathed them! I spent more of my childhood being her psychologist instead of her goddamn child; ALL I HEARD ABOUT was how much she hated and resented her parents. This is THE first time I've heard her trot them out since I lived with her back in the 00s, and it might damn well be the first halfway-positive mention of them since long before that? This is so transparent an act I can't help but be insulted that she'd think I'd take the bait? Using the LITERAL DEATHS of others to try to goad me into talking to her?

Like. Jesus. Last year at my younger aunt's funeral just about every single member of the California-centric family pulled me aside to ask if my mom was being too much. My aunt's CHILDREN, damn near non-functional with grief, asked if I needed help handling my mom. And there were a couple occasions where I damn near admitted yeah! She's being too much! She won't stop fucking touching me! She won't stop making her sister's death about herself! And here she is, a year later, doing the same goddamn thing again with her other sister's death!

She's a manipulative, gaslighting abuser who refuses to grow up and accept responsibility and/or repercussions for her actions despite being in her late-60s. She gleefully twists the knife into whoever she can get her hands on and acts SO distraught and SO betrayed when people find fault with her actions and behavior. I don't know a single person who knows her to like her anymore once she's shown her true colors, and somehow she's still convinced she isn't the problem.

What a waste. What a fucking waste.

[butchka]

hey, i saw ur tags about starting ur T tonight on that one post about queerness+gender being endlessly diverse, and i just wanted to tell u that as someone who is over 3 yrs on T, nothing has made me love my body and my life more than starting T... i had the same fears as u, like what if T just makes me an ugly boy instead of the ugly girl i feel like, what if i dont look the way i picture my dream self looking? and honestly i don't look like how i originally imagined i would. i never expected to grow a full chest of hair or get a fairly deep voice, or lose so much of my hairline, you know? i thought i'd look like the hairless cute twinks with luscious hair on tumblr that i had gender-envy about for so long lol!! but then i hit 6 months, then 1 year, then 2 years and 3 years and more on T, and every subtle change and different surprises slowly transformed the connection i had to myself and my body and my dreams. T didnt make me look like the person i hoped to become in my head (someone completely different, who has every quality i desire), T made me look like *me*, but the way i'm supposed to look. so like, transitioning can be so scary at first, but once u take that first jump, you look forward to the next, and u start to get a crush on urself cus you feel so beautiful more and more every day. and idk i just saw ur tags and it really resonated w me so i just wanted to send some warm wishes and love ur way <3 transitioning was the best thing to happen to me despite my worries about what i looked like cus turns out there was never any way for me to realize just how beautiful and glorious i was until hormones let me see it in myself for the first time. good luck with ur journey, i hope it's as happy, queer, sacred, and endlessly joyful as i hope it will be for u. and if u start hormones tonight, then HELL YEA cus today is my weekly shot day, we can do it together. *t4t hugz* 💗💗💙💗💙💗💙💗💙

i really like this ask, thank you. there is something in me that knows starting T is the right move, I look at my life, all of the thoughts i’ve had around gender, and i know that this is what i need. but change is scary, and living with my mormon parents, especially my terf-y mom, has impacted my internalized transphobia. It’s made me more afraid of transitioning. Yet i know i need to.

I did do my first dose of T last night (: it was extremely uneventful. i may switch to shots in the future for a few different reasons. but for now this is a start. thank you, wishing you the best ❤️

[yooniesim]

honestly for your mental health you should probably not be so invested in every. single. bit of drama in this community. every time there’s drama you’re a big player in it. you’re usually not wrong haha, i’m just saying it seems exhausting for you.

Apologies for the book I'm about to inflict on you, nonny. No worries if you don't read it.

The thing is, I'm honestly not. And haven't been for a long time now.

If you'd said this to me six months ago, i would've actually agreed with you, nonny. I've said myself that that is a hole of negativity that is easy to fall into, and it is an exhausting one. I've done it before, I'm aware of that, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it again. So I can't quite agree with you now. There's so many things on my dash I just pass by & don't comment on. My drafts are full of text posts that I write that I purposefully save and delete rather than post. There's so many incidents and receipts of them I just try not to remember. And I've blocked so many people now to keep it all away, and thankfully for the most part it's clear now. Just scroll through my blog through the last few months- I've barely said anything. My first long post of the year was a few days ago and it wasn't even about "drama" lol. And you kinda sent this while I'm coming back from a break taking myself away from tumblr for the most part, for the sake of my mental health.

But if I ever say one thing... even if it's just one thing... somehow everybody and their mom is suddenly making a vague post about me, or lying about something I never said or did despite there being proof otherwise. I mean actual bold faced lying. I've even seen my own totally unrelated personal text posts (not about simblr or drama whatsoever) being commented on/manipulated/reposted. Even when I was on hiatus and posting 99% sims content. But I haven't been talking about it. I've been blocking the blank blogs and the anons that send me asks without replying (except the two from Thursday), I've been blocking people here that are clearly just trying to goad me into arguing, I've been ignoring the vague posts. Y'all don't get to see all of that, because I don't show it anymore, but it's been happening.

With this last shit that happened, I made only a few responses, and 1 of those was to immediately disengage with the person when they seemed upset, and I wasn't even the main person speaking with them- and yet my name was still the one in everyone's mouth, I was the one put on everyone's dashes, the one lied about and then subjected to white supremacist rhetoric. My childhood abuse was brought up like some quirky throwaway comment, for no justifiable reason. No one else was mentioned. Despite me barely being involved. Why? If you ever take a moment to notice, it's always the same people doing this. Because they constantly watch me/stalk my blog for some reason I can't comprehend. And analyze anything I've ever said, comment on my every move. In "private" and publicly. Even though I've blocked them, they continue to do this over and over again. One of the people that started this recent thing about me? I blocked them a while ago for trying to coax me into an argument and cursing at someone else in my replies. One of the others blocked me just for unfollowing them, and has been angry ever since. Another has been emotionally invested in my every move for about a year despite me barely knowing anything about them besides their username. They have an axe to grind, I suppose. I truly can't comprehend their motivations.

But sadly, whether I comment or not, whether I try to be positive or not, it honestly doesn't matter at this point. And I don't think it's right for me to just... never be able to comment anything of my own opinion on my own blog. So I'm still working out how I need to proceed with this. It isn't fair for me to have to be afraid of it something I said is going to be twisted and misconstrued- but going out of my way to comment on every issue we have here wouldn't be good either, just like you're saying now. Hell, that's never something I wanted to do- y'all didn't see any of the actual hundreds of asks in my inbox about drama and people here that I've just ignored or deleted, after all. My inbox is going on 500 deep because people still send me these things. I even still get criticism for not "using my platform" to address issues here. But like I said in November, I don't want to be that type of blog. I don't want to focus on negativity all the time. It's a freaking simblr and I wanna play sims! But I'm still a person, and this is my blog. I should be allowed to have emotions and to speak sometimes. The problem is balancing what should be posted and what shouldn't- that is something I'm working on.

As far as mental health goes, I don't think anyone here knows how absolutely crushing it is to not only be a target for the usual suspects (racists, transphobes, etc- I can deal with those, they're expected) but then also be attacked by people I considered reasonable, normal. For those people even to side with bigots just to attempt to "one up" me for some strange ego fueled reason. The people that have said I'm not even a bad person in their eyes, just annoying to them. Yet they throw such hatred and contempt my way, wish for my "downfall", and for what? A few more likes on their hateful text post? To feel better than me, better than people like me? To win some imaginary high school game they never could in real life? I know even this post you're reading now will be screenshotted and posted in a server or two, and someone will send me the proof within a day or so. Even if you do it in "private", I still see it- maybe especially if you think it won't get back to me, it will. Nothing on the internet is private. But I don't even share the proof, I just look at it and think, why? If you don't even think I'm that bad, then why? Why are you stalking my blog and making fun of me and calling me out of name? Do you honestly feel good about what you're doing? Does it make you feel satisfied somehow? How do you justify it? Is it just because I'm not your friend? Or is it really because I've simply disagreed with you in the past? Is that worth the resentment you're holding in your heart and then putting out into the world? It's not even hurtful to me, it's just confusing at this point. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it. And that's one of the most influential reasons I don't comment on many things here anymore; I just don't understand simblr. Other than the fact that it's a social game parading as a moral one. And perhaps I'm bad at navigating it because of that.

But I guess what I'm saying ultimately is, no, I'm not invested in every drama here. And you're right in saying I shouldn't be, I agree wholeheartedly. But sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter, it'll come to me anyway. Like if maybe someone else said the exact same thing I did, they wouldn't get the same reaction, because they're not me. I'm aware of it now, and I'm honestly not sure if it'll ever stop, unless the people doing it move on. Until then... I suppose I've decided to just not care, to do and say what I want as long as it isn't harming my own mental health or happiness. I'll play the sims, I'll have my opinions, I'll post them. And just see how I feel, I guess.

[selfundiagnosed]

Insane that my mom ran the most popular patrick stump archival blog on tumblr + was a full time lawyer + was raising two mentally ill kids + doing culinary arts school + having a cookie business. I think its her autism i wont lie. But now its all catching up to her and she has no energy which would be the ehlers danlos fault this time.. tried to convince her to steal her old url back but on cohost so she made an account but couldnt immediately make side blogs but boy oh boy. she would be giving the fall out boy fandom what they want and more. Shes like i cant do it again i have no idea how i did it before im like ma! its called having boundaries. Shes like i cant do that when i have a special interest its called autism. Im like right but queue posts for once a day and find 30 pictures from a photo set and boom one months worth of posting fall out boy and you can conserve your energy. But she doesnt know how to do her special interests in moderation. Im honestly just glad she went and accepted a bunch of access to her mega archive folder thingy. But shes so mad she doesnt have access to like her actual archive bc the website she used go archive everything changed their subscription plans and she has so many photos it would be like a zillion dollars she doesnt have 😭 like bogus i remember photo storing websites were so free. Take me back to 2010 for real :T Anyway she used to get so mortified when i told my friends as a teen about her blog i actually told her coworker once and her coworker somehow RETAINED the url and went home and looked at her blog and she was so upset at me 😭😭 but now like she kinda doesnt give a fuck anymore bc fall out boy was her special interest for an entire decade and she’s over it. Obviously still a big big fan but not in bandom anymore. Her new special interest is a band i introduced her to when i was 13 and its kinda cringe so i dont talk about it but she also ran an archival blog for THIS band and i told my friend at a sleepover who liked this band about her blog and they fucking FOLLOWED HER and shit bricks and my mom was MORTIFIED. But anyway yeah she doesnt gaf now if i tell people she was this blog and i even posted a tiktok about it once and people started doing detective work that would make her autistic self so proud…. Bc thats what she was good at! sleuthing stalking detective work on the band. Pete wentz privately answered several of her asks on tumblr i’ll see if she can send me the asks and their responses. But yeah she doesnt care anymore. her original url was scrubbed by tumblr and shes very angry about it bc it was an original bandom url for patrick stump so shes like wtf ever i dont wanna touch this im so mad. Which SAAAAME. ive done that so many times. She started permitting access to people who requested it for one of her photo archive website thingies she left in her last post. But yeaaaahhh… she was patrick stump for halloween in like 2008 and she won the costume contest bc she had rhe coolest sideburns and looked so much like him. My first ever concert was a fall out boy concert in spring 2007 i was 6 turning 7 within the next few months lemme just say the music video for carpel tunnel of love played on the screen as they played the song and my brother and i was so traumatized. But then immediately they played this aint a scene after that and we were like HELL YEAAAAAAAAA. And my brother (5 at the time) and i knew every single song and sang along and my mom went look at everyone else no one else knows these songs. You guys are so cool. And we looked around and yeah no one was singing the songs and were sooo excited! Oh and theres that one time she recorded us singing keep it simple by cobra starship and THEY PUT IT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE AT THE TOP WE FLIPPED SHIT. i wish THAT video was still up. Shes also met fall out boy so many times and walked away from patrick stump while he was talking to her bc she didnt want to take up his time at a meet and greet. Omg. so many memories. I was literally raised in online bandom thats so insane. Maybe thats why im a homosexual

[justanotherdayhsusu]

Apologies

Warning mention of grooming, sexualizing minors, and nsfw

the grooming allegations.

honestly I didn’t even know my interaction was considered grooming. I never had that intention or even planned to do that. I just didn’t know boundaries or even heard of it. I grew up in an environment where everyone just made dirty jokes and even talk about what they think without filters. Hell even my family openly talked about their sex life.

I also have a hard time trying to understand what is okay and what isn’t in social situations. It’s been a problem I had even when I was a kid.

I wanted to come as a friendly person. So I thought mimicking what my mom does and any other caring person would do would help. I even mimic what I’ve seen people would like to hear. I just didn’t know that it would be taken as grooming.

but that’s not an excuse. And I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or even feel threatened by me. But I did.

I know that my interaction is going to affect the person for the rest of their life. And I’m sorry. If you don’t believe me and still are angry at me that’s valid! You have every right to be angry at me and not forgive me. But I’m still going to say I’m sorry. As I am truly sorry.

I’ve been working on learning boundaries and how to interact with others. I’ve been going through group therapy and even talk to my therapist about this. I’m not saying I’m all better and that I’m going back online. No i actually plan on staying away from social media in general. And if I do come back it’s going to be in nsfw spaces. I will also go for websites that is adults only. And won’t go to like tiktok,x,tumblr or any website that is targeted to minors.

meaning I won’t use this account to post art or interact with people.

Sexualizing minors

honestly I thought this was about Percy but no it was about Janice. I was confused as I didn’t draw Janice in any nsfw or even drew her sexually. Up until someone confronted me about it.

I remember the post I made about being happy about not caring that people where shipping Panny with Janice . And a lot of people got mad about it and I really didn’t understand. My mind can’t connect things that are obvious. And sometimes I don’t really understand others point of view. It takes me a while to try and understand it.

I didn’t ship the whole Panny x Janice thing. In fact I just mentioned being happy in not hurting anymore. People have been taking Panny and doing whatever the hell they want with her. Even if I go out of my way to ask them to stop.

people have been shipping Panny with a child oc, or other characters. Some have made nsfw of her and send it to me. Which made me really uncomfortable. It hurt badly to see this. So when I saw that I stopped caring I was just happy. So happy to not cry and feel this emotional pain on my chest. I was happy. To not be tormented by this. I know it sounds silly how something like this can affected me so badly to the point of messing with my mental health.

but I was really attached to Panny. She was a comfort character of mine that helped me understand what a happy relationship could look like. And make ridiculous storylines.

and in my train of thought. I thought if I worked with the person that made this Percy’s x Panny x Janice thing it would help me to become immune? I dont know if thats the word. But something that just makes me not be so bothered by it.

but I will make it clear. I don’t draw any nsfw of minors or make a grown up version just to make nsfw of them. I am extremely picky and cautious on what characters I draw nsfw of. I even go out of my way to make sure the characters are 19 or older.

Percy doesn’t have a canonical age. And I’ve have imagined him to be an adult since I was 13.

I’m also very strict with characters that aren’t cannon. Just to avoid making any author of that character doesn’t get uncomfortable like I have when people made nsfw of Panny.

but I’m not going to lie and say I’m a saint. I have drawn nsfw of wiki characters. But after that experience I had. I stopped. And if I do draw those things with the wiki characters I won’t post them. I will only post them if I knew the admins are comfortable with that sort of things

But this is the internet. Not everyone is going to respect you. Not everyone is going to listen. I needed that thick skin that many other popular creators have.

Even if you make boundaries people will go out of their way and purposely disrespect that.

and again I am sorry that I’ve hurt you and your trust.

I’m not planning to come back to social media or post my art. And if I do then it will be nsfw spaces that is specifically only for adults. As I enjoy making nsfw. Plus I would prefer to be in a space where people are comfortable with talking about that sort of things. And I like to meet people around my age.

and if you’re still mad and don’t forgive me that’s valid. Like I said you have The right to be mad at me. And I won’t force you to forgive me. Thats for you to decide. Not me.

I’ve just wanted to make an apology post. For months I wanted to make a apology post.

Another thing. I’ve once gotten into a discoed group cha And got blocked. And honestly that’s the best Thing to ever happen to me. My mental health wasn’t great and I was extremely chronically online. And being blocked gave me the push that I needed to get my shit together.

I’ve only had TikTok but deleted it when someone spam my comments with pedo. Causing me to have a mental breakdown. Honestly it’s ridiculous how I handled that situation. I wished I could have handled that maturely but I didn’t. And I’m sorry.

I’m not planning to use this account. I made sure to not remember the password to this account or have any access to it. As I really don’t want to come back to this account obsessing over something that I have no control over.