#heavy locks

[bestfixsystems]

Grey Black Spreader from bestfixsystems with hand restraints, breast strap, heavy duty locks from segufix.

[papirfecni]

he heaaaayyy i recently finished gtn

[civetside]

i was gonna draw the pool scene TM for real but then i remembered i hate drawing water so i did this instead

[toughtinkart]

The bright bead of Dominicus winked benignly down from the mouth of the long vertical tunnel.

i promise i don’t exclusively draw tlt these days; it’s just that i started several sketches trying to get more of the *vibes* of specific scenes/environments in tlt so i can share my vision for people. for some reason i want to give the ninth a very sickly green glow, like the place is cartoonishly radioactive.

[opalescentidiot]

[emry-stars-art]

You know when babies are so tired that they’re fussing too much to sleep until you put their head down on your shoulder or something and they pass out immediately

Baby shark has been swimming for a long time with no way to take a break. Hello Whalemack 🐋

(More on Whalemack here)

[kujousaramybeloved]

bunch of albedos and kaeyas today

[prince--kiriona]

halloween harrow cosplay >:)

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Past Astarion Meets His Future

This is a weird ass idea, but I'm doing it anyway. Some time travel fuckery. But the gist is: What if Astarion, decades before the Mind-flayers captured him, was on his last leg? Just on the verge of doing, what was at the time, his only way out. But what if something a little unworldly stopped him?

TW: Suicidal thoughts. M/F, me phoning it in with the dnd lore, Cazador is evil. Like, torture, physically and mentally, manipulation, literal horror shit. He's here so bad things happen to randos and our poor guy. I'm also using this as the backstory again for why Astarion can be in the sun in the future because it's so god damned convenient for drabbles.

~

Astarion watched the crowded bar with focused eyes, a feigned, relaxed smirk on his lips. But even with the acting, he could feel the smile on his face start to tremble, a tell-tale sign that he was truly on his last leg. It had been a long, horrible night, one that had no end in sight. Cazador was in rare form, demanding multiple warm bodies in the span of less than five hours. Astarion wasn't sure what had angered him this time, but he was taking it on the victims in a particularly savage way.

Twice already he had forced Astarion to stay in the room with the poor souls he'd brought back. And then Cazador... made him watch what he did to them. The monster truly had a knack for keeping them alive until the last possible moment. Beating them, assaulting them, laughing at their cries for help. He drank from them last, feasting on their blood until they were just on the edge of death before tossing to them ground. Then Astarion was dismissed with the order to find another.

He hated it. It was the worst part of his nights by far, not including when he was the one being tortured in their place. It didn't help that he always looked at their faces, full of terror and betrayal.

Why did he always have to look? It was a question he knew the answer to. It was because he did that to them. Perhaps not literally, but what was the difference? Astarion had led them straight into his hands.

That was all he did. His entire existence had been reduced to this. A slave, a rat, scuttling through the streets, only capable of inflicting the same torment on strangers. It was a hell that no one should experience, and one that Astarion had been in for nearly 130 years.

How could he continue like this? What was the point? He'd spent so long living on pure survival instinct, waiting for the impossible day where luck would be on his side. Where Cazador would kill the wrong stranger, where the possibility of his murder could become a reality. It was delusional, a poor excuse to continue clinging to this farce of a life.

But there was another option. There always had been. All he needs to do is wander off and wait for the sun to rise, and everything could finally be over. It's far from the first time he's thought about it. But Astarion is nothing but a coward. He'd seen the pure pain and misery of a death of that nature, your insides boiling from within as your skin turned to dust. It was horrifying, one of the worst ways someone could go. And yet... it was starting to seem like the only reasonable option he had left.

Maybe... maybe today would be the day, the first time he'd seen the sun in decades. And the last time he'd ever take a breath.

"Are you alone?" A voice asked, followed by a gentle touch to his arm.

Astarion turned, that same shallow smile instantly reappearing on his face. It was a man, one that was handsome enough for Astarion to probably not feel completely sick during the deed. Then again... he could always ignore them and go back to his final plan.

Or he could wait it out one more day, and pray for a miracle. Astarion nodded towards him, still slightly torn but willing to at least try. It's not like he could go home empty handed if things turned out that way.

"Come to my room?"

Well this was certainly easy. Astarion didn't even have to take the energy to bite out a subpar pick up line. He just followed the man to his room, a plan forming in his head on how he could convince him back to the manor. Not to mention his own escape if he turned out to have less than savory intentions.

The stranger shut the door behind him, sitting on the side of his bed with his hands folded in his lap, his eyes staring straight ahead. Astarion barely stopped himself from rolling his own. Great. A weirdo. What a lovely way to end the night, spending it seducing a complete freak. But Astarion had dealt with worse. He perched next to him, crossing his legs as he waited to see where this would go.

"I can see it," He finally said, his voice gravelly as he turned to stare at Astarion.

Astarion raised his brow, wondering for the first time if this particular prey had been partaking in some mind altering substances, "And what exactly are you seeing?"

"You."

Suddenly, the man was wrapping a tight hand around Astarion's wrist, his eyes shining with an unnatural green light, "You're close to the edge. Too close. My lord needs you breathing."

Astarion froze, equally parts horrified and confused at what he was alluding to. How on earth did he know his thoughts? What lord? Or the more likely reality; How wasted could one person be?

Astarion tried to pull back, frowning when he realized the grip on his wrist was iron-clad. He could feel a bit of panic start to swell inside him as he struggled, his voice rising, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Let go of me-"

"You must live," He said, the color of his eyes only getting brighter and brighter, near twin flames in the darkness of the room, "There is no other way. Kelemvor has work for you yet."

His confusion was quickly evaporating into rage. He didn't know what this thing wanted from him, nor why the god of death would have any interest in his life. But how dare he insist on Astarion's pathetic existence having meaning. He knew nothing.

His mask was slipping, his righteous anger spilling forth, "Let go. Before I rip your fucking arm off."

But he made no moves to back down. Instead he started to chant, an incantation that had Astarion officially panicking. Whatever magic he was using, it was powerful. Reality was shifting right beneath Astarion's feet, morphing into something different. The next thing he knew they were somewhere else entirely, his reality melting into something new right before his eyes.

The entire thing was so shocking that Astarion didn't even realize he was seeing sunlight. Without a single pain. He frantically looked around, the insane stranger's grip finally loosening as he twisted away. They were on a couch, in the middle of what looked like a brightly lit townhouse, voices spilling out of the other room.

Astarion stood quickly, a hiss escaping him, "Where in the hells are we?"

"Nowhere," The man said cryptically, his eyes still aflame, "Neither the present of the future. We are in nothing but a glimpse, taken and made for you."

That did nothing to answer his question. But it did make his mind go into more reasonable directions. This had to be an illusion, there was no other explanation for why he wasn't being burned alive. But an illusion of what? And for what purpose?

Astarion pinched the bridge of his nose, at a complete loss at what to do. He could try and kill him and pray that that would break the spell. But there was also the chance that he wouldn't live through an altercation with someone who could warp his senses so easily. Or perhaps this whole thing was a nightmare, a horrifying dream he'd cooked up after a night in the torture chamber.

Still at a loss, he settled on asking another question, "Then what is this a glimpse of?"

"Home," The man said simply before slipping off the couch. The cryptic bastard.

He started walking towards the next room towards the unknown voices; Astarion feeling helpless but to follow.

He lingered at the entryway, his eyes widening at the sight of a woman standing there, cooing at a teary-eyed child she had on her hip. They were right in her line of sight, but she had no reaction to their presence, instead calling out into the other room, "Did you find it yet?"

Another voice called back, oddly familiar as it groaned, "If I had, would I still be on my hands and knees here?"

Astarion stepped forward, more than ready to see if he could enlist the help of strangers for his predicament.

"They can not perceive us," The stranger said, interrupting the call for help that was on the tip of Astarion's tongue, "They are not real. Merely copies of what is, what will be."

"Lovely," Astarion growled out, his fingers itching to fight back against this demon of a man, "Now what in the gods' names does this have to do with me?"

"Watch and you will see," He said, his eyes blazing straight ahead, "The Lord of Death works in mysterious ways."

Astarion's theory of this being a torture-induced dream was becoming more and more believable. He didn't even bother questioning it, not when one more inane answer would send him into a tailspin. Instead he stared ahead, waiting for the moment he would wake up.

The baby was still squirming. Annoying whining sounds spilling from its lips, nearly on the edge of crying. But the woman still had a bright smile on her face, calling back "I told you we should have looked for it last night!"

"Well when she threw it across the room I assumed that meant it had fallen out of favor!" That same familiar voice yelled back, followed by an excited ah-ha! sound.

"Isabella's gonna have a fit, isn't she?" The woman sing-songed, bouncing the child on her hip, "I guess Mommy's going to have to let you start sucking on Daddy's hair again, huh?"

"I heard that!" The muffled voice called back, getting clearer and clearer by the moment. And then another man was walking into the room, grinning ear to ear as he held up a pacifier, "And I will not be forgetting it darling. Don't come crying to me the next time she's gnawing on your nose."

He leaned over to kiss the woman on the cheek before popping the pacifier in the girl's mouth, laughing when it instantly made her calm down. He was tall and pale, an elf with piercing red eyes and pure white hair.

No. It couldn't be-

"There. All better," The man sighed, his voice crystal clear in the calmness of the room, "She has quite the arm for a toddler."

It was a voice that Astarion knew, better than anyone else. It was his own.

Astarion watched, wide-eyed as his other self lifted the baby up in his arms, laughing as the child squealed around the pacifier, "She sure is cute for someone who can be such a brat. She takes after her mother doesn't she?"

The woman rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. Almost like she couldn't help but do anything else as she watched the duo, "Brave words for someone of your nature. Not to mention how she's your twin."

"Nonsense. She looks just like you, we should have named her Tav Jr," Other Astarion playfully argued, taking his other arm to wrap around the woman's shoulders, "I'm only responsible for the corpse-like complexion."

Astarion stared at them, in complete shock. He didn't-why would anyone or anything want to show him this? It didn't make sense. How would it be possible for him to be in the sunlight? Let alone to have a family. Astarion knew that this had to be a lie, there was no other explanation.

But that didn't stop his heart from aching from being forced to witness it. He was too shell-shocked to speak as he followed the duo to the other room, listening as his other self set the child in a crib, still cooing at her, "Auntie Karlach is coming over and you'll need your rest. How else will you be annoying together?"

"Astarion!"

He watched himself laugh as he pulled back, kissing her little forehead before murmuring, "Mommy only says my name like that when she has no comeback, isn't that right princess?"

"You're going to regret telling her everything when she can start talking," The woman, Tav, piped up from next to him, "I hope you realize she'll tell me all of your secrets."

Astarion rolled his eyes before pulling her against him, pressing a sweet and lingering kiss to her lips, "What secrets do I have that you don't know? Please, enlighten me."

What kind of cruel joke was this? Astarion, the real Astarion, had seen enough. He turned to the bastard that had sent him here, growling through gritted teeth, "Why are you doing this to me? Have I not suffered through enough?"

The man offered nothing of value, "We offer you what could be, if you can survive. No more, no less."

No. No, no, no. He wouldn't believe him. He refused to. There was no future for him. There couldn't be. I-It wasn't possible. Not with Cazador looming, not when he couldn't walk in the sun without being burned alive. And especially not when he couldn't even fathom letting himself care form someone enough to have a family with.

But that's what was in front of him. He turned back, his morbid curiosity getting the better of him. Just in time to see the couple standing there, holding each other while they made out like teenagers.

"I love you," His other self sighed happily, the words free and unbidden from his own lips between kisses, "More than anything my sweet."

"With one exception?" Tav asked, her arms wrapped around his neck.

Astarion laughed, nodding towards the crib with a knowing grin, "With one exception."

Astarion stared at them, a horrifying feeling starting to grow in his chest.

Hope.

It's the greatest betrayal he could give himself, an eternity's sentence to his own personal hell on the delusional belief that something better would come. He couldn't give in to it. He wouldn't.

But the question still escapes his lips, "How long?"

"Seventy years until you meet," The stranger said, "You must live to see it. Five more until you're here."

Astarion watched, wide-eyed as the alternate reality started to fade, the stranger's eyes becoming more dull and human-like by the moment. He stared until the last possible moment, trying to commit it all to memory.

But it was difficult. Like thoughts he couldn't quite grasp, slipping through his fingers. Something wasn't right.

"Will I remember this?" He asked, even though he was already on the edge of forgetting.

"No," The man said simply. They were back in the room, sitting on the bed as though nothing had happened, "But you'll remember the hope."

It was the equivalent of a curse, one that Astarion could barely fathom as magic twisted his memories. But he could feel it there, festering in his heart. The yearning for a new life, stronger than ever.

Astarion left Shar's Caress that night feeling dazed and confused. He barely managed to drag a wasted loner back to the manor with him, preying on him in the back aisles. It was startling to think that he'd almost forgotten his original mission considering the consequences. But whatever happened had... done something to him. Something that he couldn't quite name.

But he didn't see the sun that day. Or the next. Or the day after that. Instead he continued to struggle, to suffer at the hands of his sadistic sire with no end in sight. Not until years and years later, when the worst and best thing to ever happen to him occurred. He was kidnapped by mind flayers, but gifted with a disgusting parasite that allowed him to live in the sun.

It wasn't ideal but it was better than being under Cazador's thumb. Not to mention how he found companions relatively quickly. It had been pure luck that you stumbled upon him, even luckier still that you were the type to forgive a man for having a knife to your throat.

He was happy to accompany you. He was happy to do whatever it took to increase his chances of survival, frankly. It helped that he felt... strangely drawn to you. You looked oddly familiar. He didn't know how else to describe it, but it was almost as though he'd met someone from a past life.

[mostlyghostie]

Latest commission just o to print- I’m really happy with this one, so many cool covers! I have read and enjoyed Annihilation, Lock Lamora and We Have Always Lived in the Castle, so will keep my eye open for the others

Shop/Instagram/Tshirts

[dunkledog]

//blood and severed spy head [no gore]

just in case :)

they're smitten in their own ways

whoops i haven't posted in a while

here, take some messy sketches [imagine im tossing them at you like bird seed and you are pigeons in a park]

[saexy]

what i drew

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

OP: Check out. The fully-sexual charged cinematic movement design.

Cnetizens: How did the director come up with the idea to have him kneel on a playing card, adding so much aesthetic energy, is that some kind of genius?

[420blazikin]

piping hot take..... these 2 should make out

[confuzzled-sheep]

More shots from this weekend! I had so much fun cosplaying these terrible twins with my good friend Sav. Go check them out on their cosplay Instagram and shout out to Jace, our photographer, another lovely cosplayer.

[ryuzakistoe]

The Rin x Reader story is great! Can you please make a part 3 for with angst with bad ending? After Rin came back from the Blue Lock, he learned that the reader passed away and also learned that she passed away the day the last time he saw her.

YESS I DEFINITELY CANN I HOPE U ENJOY THIS‼️😌

Reunited once more PART 3 ANGST VER. (Rin Itoshi x Fem!reader)

Lots of angst, language, depression, self-blame, fem!reader, breaking down Rin Itoshi😢

a/n: I'm definitely doing my boy isagi next😅😏

“Rin…”

Its no use…how could you tell him now?

“Please…wait..”

You haven't even told him about your condition.

“Come back..”

With each passing second, his figure grew smaller and smaller.

Its too late now.

He's gone.

…

You fell onto your knees as you began to cough out blood.

Shit…please…not now…

Your eyes welled up with tears once more as you clenched the fabric of your shirt over your heart.

You didn't get to tell him about your heart condition.

The pain in your chest was almost unbearable as you began to cry harder.

Your vision began to fade to black as you prayed for Rin to come back.

“Rin…”

Those were the last words you mumbled before you finally collapsed onto the hard, cold floor.

~~~🥀~~~

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

You let out a groan as you slowly opened your eyes.

You let out a soft wince as your eyes were blinded by light.

As you adjusted to the brightness, you began to take in your surroundings.

‘Where am I..?’

You moved your head towards the side as you saw a familiar figure sitting besides your bed.

“Mom..?” you weakly mumbled.

Hearing her name, your mother perked her head up.

Her eyes were swollen, as if she was already crying.

“Y/n! Goodness you're awake. Baby… what happened? I found you on the floor outside…what were you doing? You know how dangerous that is with your condition.” your mother lectured as she began to hug you.

“I know mom, I know.” you mumbled as you laid stiff on the bed, not having the current energy to hug her back.

“Baby…tell me, what were you doing outside?” your mother asked once more.

Your eyes welled up with tears as you recalled the events from earlier.

“I don't remember.” you lied as you shifted your gaze from your mom to your hands.

A slight frown made way to her face.

“Sweetie…just know that you can trust me okay..?” your mother softly spoke as she began stroking your hair before getting up from the chair.

“I know mom.” you forcefully smiled as you blinked the tears away.

Your mother smiled back before walking away towards the door.

She gave you one last worried look before shutting the door and leaving the room.

As soon as she left, the tears that you had been holding back resurfaced.

You let out a choked sob as your tears began to gush out.

Your eyes began to get all puffy and your nose all red.

“Im so sorry Rin..” you whispered as you continued to cry.

~~~🥀~~~

A few hours have passed, and with each passing hour, you felt increasingly drained.

Every slight movement caused excruciating agony to surge through your body.

It felt as if your body was on fire.

You lay there, motionless, as the nurses came in to check on you.

As the nurses checked your IV and your stability, the doctor soon entered with a displeased expression.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“Miss Y/n, its safe to assume that your condition is not getting any better. I'm sorry but…your not going to make it.”

Huh? What?

Your breathing came to a halt as you processed his words.

‘Not going to make it’

‘Condition not getting better’

‘Im sorry..’

Those words kept swirling in your mind.

Was that it? You were going to…die?

“If you have any last requests you’d like to make, would you like to do them now?” the doctor spoke, making sure to keep the most respectful tone.

“Does…my mom know?” you softly uttered as your tears began to arise once more.

“We have alerted your mom already, she was here earlier when you fell asleep.” the doctor answered.

“I see,” you said as you tried to hold back your tears and frustration. You were not ready to bear the pain once more through crying.

“Would you like to be alone Miss Y/n? To recollect and process your thoughts?” The doctor suggested.

“Yes please.” you weakly muttered as you began to space out.

With a nod, the doctor and nurses respectfully left as they quietly shut the door.

As you lay there, a few tears couldn't help but escape from your eyes, despite your efforts to hold them back.

You refrained from sobbing or thrashing around, knowing it would cause unbearable pain in your body.

All you could think of right now was Rin.

There were so many things that you didn't get to tell him.

For example, your condition.

You didn't even get to tell him that you loved him—romantically.

But there were other things you didn't get to tell him.

However you were expecting this to happen, so you wrote down everything you wanted to tell him on your phone.

You left your phone without a passcode so that Rin could easily access it.

Finally, he will be able to understand how you felt.

About him.

About you.

About everyone else.

About things you like.

About things you dislike.

About everything.

~~~🥀~~~

“CODE BLUE CODE BLUE—”

Hospital staff and nurses rushed into the room you were stationed at.

“Ma’am please step aside. Everyone is doing the best they can.” One of the nurses spoke as they tried to calm down your mother.

Your mother's anguished cries echoed through the hallway, after all, her beloved child was dying.

A group of hospital staff hurriedly brought you into the emergency room as they tried to keep you alive.

The heart monitor appeared to be showing an irregular and alarming increase in speed.

The nurses and doctors did everything in their willpower to wake you up.

You were unconscious and your life was slipping away.

Other nurses tried holding your mom back from entering the room.

Screams and crys were heard from her as they kept her out the room.

Of course, they felt bad and pitiful but what could they do? They had to let the professionals do their job.

They had to help you live.

…

A few weeks had passed and Rin was finally taking a break from blue lock.

He decided to go back to his hometown for the meanwhile.

He went to visit his mom and maybe even you.

Although would you want to see him? He's been questioning that.

Soon enough, he’ll get his answer.

Hopefully.

Rin finally arrived at his destination as he knocked on the door.

A few seconds later, his mother opened the door.

Usually, she would be ecstatic to see him. But right now, she seemed…mournful.

“Rin, your home.” she sadly smiled as she opened the door for him, allowing him inside.

“Yeah, I am. Is something wrong?” he asked as he observed his mother's actions.

His mother paused at his words, her eyes welling up as she responded.

“Rin…i think you need to sit down for this..” his mother wobbily spoke as she led him to the couch.

“Mom what happened?” he asked once more as he felt his body coursing with anxiety.

Rin wasn't sure what to expect as his mother let out a heavy sigh, revealing that the words she was about to speak were going to be difficult for the both of them.

“Rin…Y/n…she..”

"She what?" he asked as his mother paused mid-sentence.

He felt his anxiety worsened at the mention of Y/n.

Had something happened to her while he was gone?

He didn't want to think that but the way his mother is acting…it must've been bad.

"Rin, she passed away," his mother softly whispered as she hung her head low.

Rin's mind seemed to have stopped as he stared at his mother.

‘Passed…away..?’

How?

You seemed fine when he left. Well…not totally fine mentally. But physically you were fine.

Right?

“Mom, this isn't something to joke over, you know-”

“Rin.”

Hearing his name he paused.

He observed at how his mom lifted her head up.

Her eyes were all red and puffy.

Her breathing was uneven.

Her lip quivered ever so slightly.

He scanned her face, trying to detect if there were any lies or fake acts.

Unfortunately…he found none.

He felt his heart drop.

‘No…but…how..?’

He sat there, motionless.

He didn't want to believe it, no way.

His eyes began to sting.

Was he…crying?

He lifted his hand to touch his face.

Just as expected, he felt tears.

Before long, he felt more tears welling up. He couldn't hold them back.

Tears poured uncontrollably from his eyes, he tried to restrain them, but his tears flowed as they showed no signs of stopping.

It was too much to handle.

He didn't even get to say goodbye to you.

But most importantly…how did you…

“Mom…” he whispered as his voice cracked a little.

“Yes Rin..?” his mom sniffled as she used a tissue to wipe her stained face.

“How did she…” he trailed off, not wanting to finish the words.

“Heart failure...” his mother answered.

He let out a quiet sob.

Why? Why didn't you tell him?

He couldn't help but blame himself. He would've never done what he did if he knew you were going to pass away.

No…he would've spent all his time with you.

“Before I forget Rin…Y/n…she wanted you to have this. It was her final request.” his mom softly spoke, breaking Rin out of his thoughts to hand him your phone.

He quietly grabbed your phone as fresh tears were stuck on his face.

“I think you should read it in a more private space.” his mom whispered as she felt concerned for Rin.

After all, she did always see them together almost every day.

With a nod, Rin forced himself up and began walking to his room.

He opened his door and plopped down on the bed, staring at your phone.

After a while of mentally preparing himself, he finally unlocked your phone to find out you had no passcode.

You probably really did want him to have your phone.

As he looked through your phone, he finally opened the app, ‘notes.’

The first note to ever pop up was titled, “For Rin.”

Rin hesitantly clicked on it as he slowly read your notes.

‘Hey Rin, if your reading this then I guess its already happened. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you earlier, I just didn't want to burden you any further and ‘force’ you to stay. You probably wouldn't even believe me and think that I would be making it all up just to get you to stay for my selfish reasons.’

“You were never a burden to me…” Rin softly whispered as he felt his eyes stinging once more.

He felt his warm tears drip down his face and land on your phone.

Nevertheless, he kept reading.

‘Beaides all that, I just wanted to tell you that this ‘heart condition’ has been going on for a while since I was young. I never thought to bring it up back then because I didn't want my silly condition to get in the way of our fun.

Now I realize that it was stupid of me to not bring it up as it only worsened from that point on.

All those times when I said I couldn't play because I was ‘sick’ and had a ‘fever’ were all partially true but it wasn't the whole truth.

The day that you left, I wanted to tell you right then and there everything, but couldn't.

When you were gone from my vision, I suddenly collapsed and woke up in the hospital.

The doctor told me I didn't have long left to live.

When he told me those words, I felt like breaking down.

Surprisingly, I didn't but still felt very miserable by the news.

But to be honest, all I could think about was you, Rin.

Even though I'm gone, I still want you to pursue your dreams and live on without me, although you probably already are.

“Dont be silly Y/n…i can't without you here..” Rin softly murmured, his vision getting blurry from all the tears. Yet, he still continued to read.

‘Oh, and before this note ends I want to tell you one last thing.

Rin, I love you. I always have as a matter of fact.

And no, its not in a friendship way but more of a romantic way.

You see Rin, ever since we were little I always had a little crush on you. But I mean who wouldn't?! You were so cute back then! And now your even more cuter! Handsome too!

Soon, that ‘little crush’ developed into love.

I never told you because I never wanted to ruin the friendship we had although its already kinda ruined already.

And even if you ever did feel the same way, (which I kinda doubt but who knows?!) I'm sorry that you had to find out this way.

Maybe in another life we could be happy together without my stupid condition. Romantically or not.

And in that next life, if it is romantically, I hope we could strive together and have a future with the two of us in it, with me actually confessing to you in person.

But if its in a friendship way, I hope we can still stick together like back then.

But right now, in this lifetime, it seems as if it can't be either of those two.

Promise me one thing though Rin, please take care of yourself.

I love you.’

-Y/n

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

His hand started shaking violently as he dropped the phone onto the bed.

His sobs became louder and louder as seconds passed by.

“Y/n…” he choked out as he began to tug on his hair.

The pain in his heart was insufferable.

He's never broken down like this ever since the Sae incident.

But this…this was definitely worse than the day Sae neglected him.

It was about you, and you were gone. Long gone.

He couldn't help but let out a frustrated scream as he threw his clutter across the room.

His crying escalated into a full breakdown as all he could think about in the moment was how much he regretted his actions.

He's never hated himself as much as right now.

Would all of this have been different if he never pushed you away?

Well, no, of course not. It's not like he can change your heart condition, but he could have at least provided you with support.

He could have at least let you rest peacefully, with you knowing that he still cared for you.

But you probably thought that he hated you.

And he hated the idea of that.

The idea of you passing with the belief of him hating you made him feel such overwhelming and intolerable guilt.

With fists clenched together so tightly, his nails pierced through his palm as his knuckles turned pure white.

He let out a frustrated cry as he punched his wall.

This was his breaking point.

He slumped against the wall, pulling his legs to his chest and burying his face in his arms, overcome with violent sobs.

“I love you too Y/n…” he whispered.

~~~🥀~~~

Days have passed and Rin hasn't been able to get much sleep.

It was noticeable too.

Rin had heavy eyebags as he wasn't speaking as much.

Every day, he would always lock himself in his room.

He would lie down on his bed, feeling numb as he blamed himself for all that's happened.

Some nights, he would curl up into a ball on his bed and cry all night.

He would cry himself to sleep.

Your missing presence really affected him.

…

Today, he had planned to visit the graveyard, as he did almost every day when he had the time.

Arriving at your tombstone, he fell to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes once again.

“Y/n…I really can't do this without you.” he mumbled as replaced the old flowers with new ones.

Every day, Rin would always be the one to look after your tombstone.

On rainy days, he would place a small umbrella over your gravestone to prevent mold from growing on it.

And every time the flowers were wilting away, he would always be the one to replace them with your favorite flowers.

“Y/n…I don't know what to do without you. I need you here with me…”

Rin bit his lower lip as he tried to compress a sob.

“I miss you…I miss you so much it hurts.” Rin muttered as he wiped his tears away with his sleeve.

Although it was pointless, his tears just kept flowing.

“Fuck this…I can't do this anymore.” Rin grumbled as he gripped the hem of his shirt tightly.

“Y/n…Y/n come back to me…please!” Rin sobbed as he slammed his fists onto the ground.

“Tell me this is all just one big joke Y/n! Tell me your not really gone!”

Of course, he knew all too well that this wasn't a joke.

It was real life.

You were really gone.

Rin hunched over as he began to cry into his palms.

“I love you Y/n…I wish I could've told you too…”

a/n: omg I'm so tired but anyways I hope you liked this

OH and I also got the ‘notes’ thing reference from that one K-drama “Drawing Closer” bro…that made me cry so bad😭

Zoo wee mama🤤