#head empty just season 6 Jess | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uncpanda · 3 years ago

Text

The Ties that Bind: Lauren Part 2

AN: Here is the continuation of last week’s cliff hanger. I really hope you guys love this as much as I do!

AN: This episode is an AU of the season 6 episode 18 episode Lauren. I hope you enjoy it!!

AN2 : Huge SHOUT OUT to the following people who helped brainstorm and edit this chapter @hotforhotchner11 @originalsoulduck @hotchinkevlar

Warnings: None that I can think of

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

Master List and Part 1

You’re lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. The fan is making a soothing noise, just loud enough to drown out Aaron’s soft snores, but not nearly loud enough to drown out the intrusive thoughts in your head. You had said yes. You were engaged. You are going to marry Aaron Hotchner; the man you love. And yet . . . ?

It’s not the first time you’ve heard those four words. In fact you’ve heard them twice before. Once from your high school boyfriend at his graduation party where you had said no, grabbed Spencer and promptly went home and locked the door. And then from Joel; after the woman had left, there had been a hasty love declaration followed by an impromptu marriage proposal all while he pulled on his boxers. You had stared at him in shock. You’d been appalled but Joel had seemed to think it was excitement. He’d been dangling that carrot in front of you for years. You’d thrown a book at his head and yelled no at him.

And now? Now the man you love, and there’s no doubt that you love him, is standing in front of you, in an unimaginable pain after just losing his friend, and is asking you to marry him. And you want to spend the rest of your life with Aaron. You really do. Hell, the two of you had discussed marriage and kids and houses more than once while laying in bed at night.

now that he’s actually asking, you can’t help but think that he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. You wonder if this engagement, marrying you now, is just something to ease the hurt. You’re terrified that he’s going to wake up one day and decide he rushed into things and want to take a step back; you’re fairly sure that would be the thing to break you. You’d find a way to put the pieces back together again, you always did, but the thought terrifies you. You’ve never loved anyone the way you love Aaron. And 99% of the time that’s an amazing feeling, but right now, it has you near tears.

The next few days leave you truly exhausted. Between Emily’s funeral, Spencer’s grief, Aaron’s grief, and even Jack’s grief there’s not a ton of time to dwell on your intrusive thoughts. They usually come at night when you’re trying to sleep. Aaron asks you more than once if you’re okay, and you know it's bugging him that he can’t figure out what’s wrong, but you don’t want to seem silly with your fears. While he’s normally excellent at breaking down your barriers this one seems to be a stronghold.

Eventually, you need a break. You need to work things out. You need space. So you kiss Aaron as he walks out the door to work. You take Jack to school, and kiss him goodbye, and then you head to your favorite bookstore. It’s the same one you and Aaron had gone to in the early days of your friendship. Now the two of you liked to bring Jack here on the weekends.

It’s empty, which is to be expected for a weekday, and head to the back where the sofas and reading tables are. You settle at a table, take out your notepad and start writing all of your insecurities, questions, and thoughts down. Your hand is starting to cramp when you finally finish. You set it down and start twisting your wrist. Then you look up and let out a startled yelp.

Spencer gives you a funny look, “I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes. If I was a serial killer I could have kidnapped you or killed you or a variety of things by now.”

You don’t have the strength for this. “What are you doing here Spencer? How did you find me?”

“Somethings going on with you. I noticed. Garcia noticed. Will noticed. Jess noticed. Hotch hasn’t said anything, but I’m sure he’s noticed. JACK has noticed.”

You wince, “Jack noticed?”

“He asked why you’re not smiling as much. The rest of us are wondering the same thing. I’m also wondering why you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Who says I haven’t been sleeping.”

“The gallon of concealer under your eyes.” You scowl and gently kick his leg as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“I need to get friends who aren’t so observant.”

“I’m a profiler. I’m trained to observe. What’s going on?” You give him a look. “What?”

“Don’t sit there and act like you haven't been reading my notes.”

He smiles and nudges your leg, “You’re getting married.” You hesitate. “Maybe not? Did Hotch. . .”

“He proposed the same day Emily died.”

And your brother, your genius brother- who knows you just as well as you know him- catches on, “Now the notes make so much more sense. You’re worried he’s rushing something to make him feel better. You’re worried he’ll look back and have regrets.”

“I’m worried about a lot of things.”

Spencer takes another sip of his coffee,

“You need to talk to him. Tell him this stuff. From what I hear, that’s how relationships work.”

You bite your lip, “Not once, since we became friends, have I ever felt like I couldn’t tell him how I felt. Not once. And then he proposed and I was so happy. I was so excited. And then I was trying to fall asleep and all of these . . . . worst case scenarios kept popping up. Memories, horrible memories, kept resurfacing. Diana and William never had any real communication from what I can remember and that led to ruin.

“With Bryan I was so young. I just . . . I knew marrying him wasn’t right. With Joel, I just wanted to be normal and he offered me that.”

“Joel?” It’s like a record scratch. “When the hell did Joel propose?”

“About thirty seconds after his mistress left. He did it right after declaring his love for me, and all while pulling on his boxers. I stared at him with my jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe the audacity. He thought I was excited. I threw a book at him, and then he turned it on me. Said I was lucky a doctor of his stature was even looking my way. After all, I was only a teacher and I came with SO much baggage.”

Spencer curses, “You know . . . I didn’t think it was possible to hate Joel even more than I do, but you just proved me wrong. If Hotch ever finds out about that, he’ll kill him. Hell, I’m close.”

You nudge him again, “Focus.”

He shakes his head, “Right. There are big differences between Hotch and both of those idiots. We’re not even going to touch Bryan. He didn’t do any major damage. Mom and Dad? They did tons. We both know that. And Joel? Well, if I saw him running down the street on fire I wouldn’t offer him a glass of water, but Hotch?

“I’ve worked with him for years. He doesn’t rush into things without thinking. And he’s made mistakes in the past, and he’s worked hard to fix them. And he loves you. There’s not a doubt in my mind that he loves you and he’d do anything for you. I wouldn’t let you marry him if I didn’t think that, because you deserve the best.

“Let me?”

He rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean, and stop trying to redirect the conversation. What this boils down to is. . . you’re scared. You’re getting your, lack for better words, ‘Happily Ever After,’ and you’re waiting for something horrible to happen because that’s the way your life has gone. You’re waiting for him to leave because that’s happened to you so many times. Hotch isn’t going anywhere. I know that for a fact. The same way E=MC². The question is, do you know it?”

You look at your little brother, who isn’t little at all anymore. Your brother who will never leave you and who loves you and has supported you. In thirty minutes he’s managed to talk you off the cliff and help you make sense out of something that would have taken hours on your own.

Aaron Hotchner loves you. He’s never once called your fears or concerns silly. He’s never belittled you or made you feel small. He’s never left you on your own to deal with something without offering help. Hell, he’d been offering help for days now while trusting you to deal with it at the same time. You love Aaron Hotchner, and yeah that’s scary as hell, but it is so worth the risk. You look down at your pad with your scribbled notes and slowly rip it out of the book and crumple it up.

Spencer smiles, “Good choice.”

You lean back in your chair and smile. You feel unburdened for the first time in days. With a smile you ask, “Are you going to make fun of me if I have a big traditional wedding?”

“Nope. I’ll even help you plan it.”

“Really?”

“Oh Yeah. Now. Let’s get you some coffee, and we can talk about colors.”

You laugh and gather your things as he swings an arm around your shoulders, “You never said how you found me.”

“You’re my sister and I’m a trained FBI profiler. It was easy.”

“You had Penny track my phone, didn’t you?”

“Like I said: easy.”

“Ahh, and you’ll tell Aaron I’m okay and I’ll talk with him tonight?”

He startles at that, “How’d you know he sent me?”

You smile, “Because he never leaves me to face my demons on my own. He knows me. And I know the two of you. We’re not even married yet, and the two of you are already in kahoots.”

Your brother just laughs.

****

When he gets back to the bullpen, Spencer bypasses everyone in favor of Hotch’s office. His boss, and soon to be brother-in-law is pacing in front of his desk and talking to someone on the other line. He knows this can take a while so he makes himself comfy on the couch.

Hotch stays on the phone for a good ten minutes before hanging up and turning to him, “Is she okay?”

Spencer smiles, “Yeah. She just got in her own head. To put it simply she thought you’d think you were making a mistake and break things off.”

“Why would she think that?”

“I’ll just say we can blame it on Joel and leave it at that.”

Spencer would be the first to admit he gets satisfaction out of the automatic way Hotch scowls anytime he hears the bastard’s name. “It could also have something to do with the fact that YOU PROPOSED TO MY SISTER WITHOUT A RING!”

He finds himself standing and closer to Hotch. It feels good to get that off his chest. Of course the way Hotch raises an eyebrow has him taking a step back, but he doesn’t sit back down! “My sister wants the big traditional wedding, and I’m going to make sure she gets it. She should have had a nice traditional proposal too, but you got impulsive!”

Hotch’s head tilts to the side, “That’s true. But no one said it was too late to fix that.”

“How do you plan to fix it?”

“Grab your bag.”

“Where are we going?”

He stops short when Hotch shoots him a look and repeats himself, “Grab your bag, Spencer.”

He blinks a few times. That’s the first time Hotch has ever called him Spencer. Maybe it won’t be so bad having him as a brother?

****

You’re on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book, enjoying what little time remains of your day off, when Aaron comes in. He’s home rather early, it’s only three o’clock. He looks remarkably causal for a work day. And you know for a fact that he had been in a full suit when he left this morning. Now, he’s without his jacket and tie. He leans against the door and stares at you for a few minutes, a small smile on his face. He’s waiting for something, and you know what it is.

You set your tea and book to the side and open your arms to him. He crosses the room in a few long strides, his body cages yours as his weight settles on top of you. You immediately dig your fingers into his hair and scratch you nails lightly against his scalp while he places kisses on your collar bone. It’s the most comfortable you’ve been in days.

But you know you need to talk. You also know that your brother has already reported back to him. “You talked with Spencer.”

“Mhmhmm.” He murmurs it against your skin, his breath is warm. He lifts his mouth just enough to say, “He has Jack with him. They’re doing some uncle-nephew bonding thing. I told them we’d meet up with them in a little while.”

“I’m sorry I shut you out.”

Aaron sighs. His arms slip under you and then he maneuvers you so that you’re laying on top of him. “You got scared. You needed to process. I get it. I get it better than most people. You’re not the only one who has been left behind before.”

It's a gentle reminder that you’re not alone. He understands what it means to lose people. He knows where you’re coming from. Your fingers grip his shirt, “I can’t lose you, Aaron.”

His fingers slide through your hair to cradle the base of your skull and leans forward to kiss your forehead. “You’re not going to lose me. You’re it for me. We’re going to grow old together. We’ll be that stereotypical couple who watches their grandkids play from their front porch. We don’t leave.”

You echo the words, “We don’t leave.”

“. . . .except when we have to go meet your brother and pick up our son. In the meantime I thought we could maybe start talking about the wedding.”

“Hmmm. I want big and traditional. I’ve never really had that before I thought a wedding would be the perfect time to try it out.”

He laughs, “Of course, because weddings aren’t stressful at all.”

The two of you lie there for a little while, and ever so slowly, as Aaron rubs a hand up and down your back, you can feel your eyes start to droop. It shouldn’t be a surprise, not when you’ve barely been sleeping. But as you drift off you know in your heart that you’re making the right choice.

You wake up a while later, to someone placing light kisses on your head. You pout a little, as Aaron rubs at your back, “If you don’t wake up now you won’t sleep tonight and then your sleep schedule will be even more thrown off.”

“Whatimeisit.” The words run together.

“Time to pick up Jack. Spencer took him to the bookstore. I told him we’d meet him there.”

“Fewmoreminutes.”

“Nope. We need to get going.” You groan, as Aaron lifts the both of you into a sitting position. You stand and head towards the bedroom so you change out of your lounge clothes and back into real clothes. “I also told them we’d take them to dinner.”

“Ok.”

You manage to get into an outfit that’s halfway nice and layered. DC in May means a fairly rapid temperature change between day and night. You lean against Aaron as the two of you walk. You’re still not quite awake, and bless him, he stops at a coffee shop to get you some caffeine. Feeling more alert, the two of you take your time getting to the bookstore. You know Spencer and Jack can entertain themselves for quite a while there.

It’s strangely empty when you step inside. Another World Books is a popular local store and it’s usually packed in the evenings. There’s also no sign of Jack or Spencer anywhere. You’re so focused on looking down the stacks that you don’t notice Aaron flip the sign on the door to closed.

He gently touches your hip, “Why don’t you check the lounge section and I’ll check the children's section.”

You smile and kiss his cheek, “Sounds good.”

You take off with a slight jog and weave in and out of the stacks to get to the back of the store, and then you pause. You suck your bottom lip in and gently bite down at what’s waiting for you there. All over that area, the same area you and Aaron had laid around and read in your first time hanging out has been decorated. There are flowers everywhere, battery operated votives, and pictures; so many pictures. Pictures of you through the years with Spencer, on your own, your friends, at work, with Aaron, with Jack, and with the little family you get to call yours.

And there, at the center of the coffee table is your favorite book. You look down at the beautifully decorated copy of Pride and Prejudice. You first read it in college. It had been assigned reading and you had been certain you would hate it. Instead you had fallen in love with it. Jack and Aaron and Spencer had sat through the movie as well as the BBC version more than a few times and you tended to come back to it when you needed comfort. You’d been reading your own well worn copy when Aaron had come home tonight.

You gently pick up the book, and flip through it more than a few verses have been highlighted; one’s you’ve pointed out to Aaron over the years and each one means something to your relationship.

“What is distance when one has motive.” You remember quoting it to Aaron when he had come home apologizing for missing date night. He had told you his fears of being away too much, and you had quoted these words to him. In the book Elizabeth had said them to her sister to excuse the walking she’d had to do. You had said them to Aaron to let him know you understood his job, and had accepted it a long time ago.

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” You remember quoting this one to Aaron when Spencer and Emily had been trapped with the cult in Colorado. You had watched in awe as he had scared away the state’s Attorney General. It was then that you knew he’d do anything he could to protect those he cared about.

“They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects.” Aaron had quoted this one to you. It had been shortly after you and he had started dating. He and Jack had come to your place, and the two of you had been reading while Jack played with legos. He had surprised you with the quote, and quietly admitted that he had read the book because you loved it so dearly and that it had reminded him of the two of you not realizing you were in love with each other. But just like Darcy and Elizabeth the two of you had found your way.

“There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.” It’s another quote Aaron had said to you. After a particularly difficult case he had come home, kissed the stuffing out of you and said these words, followed by, “I love you so much, and there is no one I think better of.” It had made your heart sore.

There are many others, but the last one highlighted isn’t one you’ve said out loud before. You’ve never had a reason to. It comes from Mr. Darcy’s second proposal, and unlike the movie there is no grand declaration. It’s much more subdued but still powerful, “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.” You find it odd.

“Mr. Darcy and I both screwed up the first proposal.” You whip around to find Aaron standing there, watching you. “And I know we talked, but if you’re not ready, that’s okay. I just figured he knew how to say it better.”

You swallow and gently close the book. You clutch it to your chest, “I have never wanted anything more than you and the life we can have together.”

He smiles, and your heart nearly stops as he glides to one knee and pulls out a box. You smile, and you feel the first tear fall and then another. You swipe at them. You barely hear Aaron say your name, but when he asks the words, “Will you marry me?” you hear those loud and clear.

And your answer leaves no doubt, “Yes!”

He surges forward and slips the ring on your finger. It’s gorgeous (description goes here), and then you kiss him. The tears, happy tears, are still falling and Aaron gently wipes them away with his thumbs before kissing you again.

When he pulls back you’re a little breathless, he wraps you in a hug, and whispers, “There might be a few people who want to congratulate us.”

You look at him funny, and he turns the two of you around to find Spencer and Jack standing there. Jack is nearly vibrating with excitement and your baby brother has a huge smile on his face.

You open your arms and Jack makes a bee-line to you. He hugs you and Aaron at the same time while Spencer wraps his arms around you and whispers, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

#aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner reader insert #hotch x reader #jack hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotch #criminal minds #criminal minds reader insert #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #cm fanfic #cm reader insert #cm imagine #cm fanfiction #spencer reid x sister!reader

349 notes · View notes

crossbowking · 3 years ago

Text

More Than Anything (Part 2)

(Click HERE to read More Than Anything Part 1)

Summary: (Set mid-season 6) The reader’s feelings towards the archer evolve, but a supply run that goes south threatens to destroy it all.

Request: “I’d love to see something w protective Daryl and some angst, maybe set at the start of their time in Alexandria w an established relationship?” - @pulplorrd

A/N: See, you'd think I would've learned after making you guys wait a year and a half for No Way Out Part 2, that I should probably FINISH my stories before actually posting the first part...yet, here we are, one month later lol I'm sorry for the wait but hopefully it's worth it!

Happy reading and let me know what you think :)

xx Jess

Masterlist

Tip Jar

Previously...

But as its grasp slipped away from around Tara’s arm, the walker’s deadweight, in turn, collapsed against you.

You lost your footing and fell backward.

Except the solidity of concrete never rushed up to meet you.

Instead, you were embraced by water, the tarp that’d laid across the motel pool coiling around your body as you sunk deeper and deeper into nothingness.

Now...

When the world ended, you’d accepted the idea of death — your death, specifically.

You knew that one day, your life would undoubtedly end — most likely at the hands of the dead, ripped to pieces, torn to shreds, the way so many others before you had been taken. But you’d always hoped your death would at least mean something — maybe laying your life on the line, sacrificing yourself so the people you loved could survive.

Something noble, something brave.

Not like this.

Before the fall, you’d managed to inhale a sharp breath — though once you’d submerged into the grimy pool water, the coldness, the darkness, the shock of it all, had zapped the air right out of your body. You were becoming increasingly aware of the tightness in your chest, the burning in your lungs as you struggled against the walker pressed against you, its weight sinking you further into the depths of the pool.

Then, the panic set in — your heart pounded against your ribcage, right alongside the immense pressure crushing your lungs. Glimpses of sunlight hung just above you, peeking through parts of the drifting tarp you frantically attempted to push aside. You were completely disoriented, your vision obscured by the murkiness surrounding you, floating specks only visible beneath the shattered light above.

When your back connected against the bottom of the deep end, you managed to wriggle out from under the dead’s listless body — though the tarp remained twisted around your limbs. No matter how hard you fought, how hard you struggled, you couldn’t free yourself from the suffocating material. You could’ve sworn you were caught in a dream, your movements lagging and sluggish as you thrashed beneath the surface.

It felt as though someone had reached their hand directly through the center of your chest, squeezing your insides in a vice-like grip. A tingling sensation crawled down your spine, settling atop your churning stomach as the throbbing behind your ears began to slow.

You were listening to your last heartbeats.

It became unbearable, the water threatening to force its way past your clamped lips, the simple need to breathe. A sharp stab of pain shot through you as the blackness in your vision intensified, pulsing reddish-white around the edges as the fire in your chest consumed you at last.

Then, with nothing else left to do, you inhaled.

You weren’t sure what happened next — everything felt faint and fuzzy and quiet. The darkness that lingered no longer struck fear in you — instead, it was warm, enveloping you in its arms like a long-lost lover. The silence was soothing as you drifted in the emptiness, like careless whispers and forgotten melodies. You were weightless, you were freed, you were everything and nothing all at once.

You were dying.

That you were sure of.

Yet much to your surprise, you weren’t afraid — no, instead…you felt at peace.

But the brevity of calm didn’t last as you were suddenly aware of a vague pressure, though it wasn’t all-consuming nor constant. It was distant at first, a feeling you could’ve easily brushed aside had it not begun to gradually grow in force, in vigor — a steady pounding, coming from the center of your chest, over and over again.

The warmth around you began to splinter, shattering like shards of glass, the fallout piercing your skin as it collapsed around you. The pain was deep and burning and you longed for just a moment ago when all you felt was the sweetness of oblivion. The pressure pounding against your chest increased, becoming the sole thing you could feel, the only thing you could focus on, the unwavering thuds drawing you back from whatever place you’d drifted off to.

In the next moment, you were awake.

Your body flailed, jolting upright, but you’d only managed to get an inch or two off the ground before water began to suddenly spurt from your mouth. Your eyes squeezed shut as you choked on the liquid, every nerve ending in your body red-hot. You were vaguely aware of hands, rough and calloused and familiar, gripping onto your arms and forcing you onto your side, the motion allowing the water leaving your lungs to flow easier.

You gasped a constricted breath, coughing harshly on the exhale, completely and entirely disoriented as to what in the fuck just happened. Your chest tightened as you spit up more water, your throat closing around the sensation as you fought for control of your breathing, the feeling of concrete against the side of your body grounding you.

When your coughs finally died down, the same hands from before grabbed onto your arms, pulling your deadweight upright, maneuvering your limp body as if you were a rag doll. You blinked your bleary eyes open, wincing from the sunlight directly above as you drew in shaky breaths.

And then you saw him.

Daryl knelt in front of you, his ragged breathing mirroring your own, soaking wet from head to toe. Strands of hair stuck against his forehead, droplets of water still dripping from the ends as he stared at you, wide-eyed, his expression a mixture of horror and shock — something you rarely witnessed when it came to the archer.

He was mouthing something — no, he was shouting something — but you couldn’t hear him. You couldn’t hear a damn word he was saying as you sat there, dazed and confused, wondering if what just happened actually happened.

His hold around your arms slipped away, his hands cradling either side of your face instead, tilting your head up and brushing your drenched hair back. He leaned forward a fraction, frantically studying your features, his haunted eyes bouncing back and forth between your own as though making sure you were there — really there.

The silence was becoming a little less resounding, the world around you gradually seeping back, though muffled and dull — but the way Daryl was looking at you, the apprehension in his gaze, shook something loose inside you. Your mouth opened, but no sound came out. You wanted to tell him it was okay — that you were okay — but damn it, why couldn’t you speak?

So instead, you slowly lifted your hands, weakly grasping onto Daryl’s wrists, the small motion all you could muster — you had to let him know you were here. He glanced down at your hands, a small huff of relief escaping him.

But when he looked back up, you noticed the moisture that’d built in the corners of his eyes.

Daryl’s hands slipped behind your head, holding you still as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead gently against yours.

You, on the other hand, silently thanked whatever God or higher power was out there for giving you one more moment like this.

When the archer pulled back, you spotted a red streak smeared across his forehead that hadn’t been there before. Your brow knitted together as he sat back on his haunches. You tried clearing your throat, the sensation burning the rawness that’d spread. “You’re —” you croaked, your voice sounding foreign. “— you’re bleeding, D.”

Daryl’s expression darkened, his jaw clenching as he lowered his gaze and unsheathed his hunting knife. “It ain’t mine,” he rasped, suddenly slicing a long strip of fabric off from the bottom of his dampened shirt and balling it in his fist, ringing out some of the water.

Before you knew what was happening, he was reaching forward, pressing the material gingerly against your forehead and wrapping it behind your head, tying the strip into a knot to keep it in place. You were surprised at the sting of pain you felt, unsure when you managed to cut your head open in the midst of what had happened — everything was still sort of…fuzzy.

The sound of a car door slamming drew your attention. You peeked out of the corner of your eye, spotting Tara jogging towards you, the car you’d driven to the motel running idle in the parking lot.

“They’re coming!” she called out, motioning towards something just behind Daryl.

You craned your neck, attempting to get a look, but before you could, the archer was looping his arms beneath your armpits and hefting you up to your feet. The world tilted unsteadily around you, and had it not been for Daryl’s hold, the ground would’ve surely rushed up to meet you.

“I got ya,” he rasped, slinging one of your arms across his shoulders, his grip snaking around your waist.

Tara appeared at your opposite side, slightly out of breath. “Welcome back, chicka,” she shot you a slightly strained smile before following Daryl’s lead and winding your other arm across her shoulders, keeping you propped upright between them.

You wanted to tell them you were fine, that you were more than capable of walking on your own — but your strength had depleted, your legs shook beneath you, and the shock was beginning to wear off, making all the little aches and pains in your body alarmingly obvious.

Then, you were moving.

They half-dragged, half-carried you across the stretch of concrete, hurrying towards the parking lot where Tara had left the car. You peeked over your shoulder, managing to get a glimpse of what you were leaving behind — the small herd from earlier had been taken down, their bodies splayed out sporadically on the other side of the pool. Some sporting knife wounds, others bullet holes. The pool itself was rippling, the water sloshing back and forth, air bubbles visible at the surface.

Some of the dead had followed you into the water.

Just beyond the pool, you spotted exactly what you were running from — another herd, three times the size of the first one, ambling in from the woods behind the motel, most likely drawn in by gunfire.

When you reached the car, Tara slipped away and jumped into the driver’s seat. Daryl flung open the back door and maneuvered you carefully inside. You grimaced as you inched further into the car, only stopping once your back was pressed up against the opposite door. The archer quickly slid in after you and slammed the door shut, grabbing onto the back of the driver’s seat as Tara peeled out of the parking lot.

The silence that followed rang heavy.

Your heart hammered against your chest, your breaths coming out slightly wheezy, almost like there was still some water left in your lungs. You met Tara’s eyes in the rearview mirror before she focused back on the road — you noticed then that the sleeves of her shirt, up to her elbows, were wet.

She’d helped drag your body out of the pool.

You glanced over at Daryl, the archer’s grip on the driver’s seat white-knuckled as he stared at the back of the headrest. Waves of tension rolled off him, the feeling nearly palpable. But his eyes flickered towards you a moment later, as though he felt you watching him, and some of the rigidity faded.

He wordlessly shuffled closer, grabbing your arm and pulling you away from the door you leaned against. You were too tired and too sore to object, your body slumping against his side as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders — you thought for a brief moment that he was hugging you.

But instead, he wound your seatbelt around your body and locked it in place.

Daryl fell back against the seat beside you with a huff, keeping his gaze focused ahead, staring straight through the windshield. He didn’t look at you again — he remained still, like he was carved from stone. You weren’t even sure he was breathing. His arm just barely grazed the side of yours, but despite whatever hidden turmoil was surely happening inside of him, he made no effort to move away.

He needed time to process what happened — what almost happened.

But so did you.

You shifted, closing the small gap between you and resting your head against his shoulder, ignoring the way he stiffened. The material of his shirt was still damp and smelt like a mixture of chlorine and mildew from the murky pool water, but you couldn’t find it in you to pull away either.

You hadn't realized you’d dozed off until the archer gently shook you awake, the car now parked outside Alexandria’s makeshift infirmary.

You still felt weak and lethargic, but you managed to make your way inside without any help — although Daryl, silent and stoic as ever, remained at your side, his hand hovering over the small of your back.

The infirmary was quiet as Denise checked you over — Tara had gone to update Rick and the others on what happened, as well as distribute the supplies you’d managed to bring home. Daryl, on the other hand, paced — back and forth, like a caged animal, on the opposite side of the room. Almost like part of him desperately wanted to run, but a bigger part of himself needed to be there.

“Are you feeling any nausea? Confusion? Loss of basic motor skills?” Denise suddenly asked, breaking the silence that’d stretched on, looking up from the textbook she was reading from. She’d never dealt with an ‘almost drowning’, but had been able to scrounge up some old medical textbooks for help.

“Uh,” you cleared your throat, shaking your head once. “No. No, nothing like that.”

“Okay, good. Yeah, that’s good…” she murmured, mostly to herself, before flipping to the next page and skimming the stretch of words. “Besides your forehead, any other lacerations?” she looked up at you once more, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“I don’t —” you shot Daryl a look, but he was too busy pacing to notice. “I don’t think so,” you shook your head again, your fingertips ghosting over the bandage Denise had patched your head up with.

“Good, good. We’ll want to keep an eye on that in case of infection,” she informed before flipping to the next page, mouthing the text to herself. “Okay, and any soreness?”

You grimaced as you sat up a little straighter. “Just — just right here mostly,” you admitted, motioning towards your center, below your chest.

Denise shut the textbook and placed it on the metal table you sat on top of. “Can you show me?”

Your brow knitted together but you obliged, sliding off the table and grabbing the hem of your shirt. You fought back a wince as you rolled the material up, stopping just below your chest, exposing your skin.

The first thing you noticed was the way the room suddenly stilled — you glanced up, spotting Daryl standing frozen across the way, pacing no longer. But he wasn’t staring at you — he was staring at your midsection, a look in his eyes you’d never seen before.

When you lowered your head, getting a good look at yourself for the first time, you realized exactly what he was seeing.

Bruises. Dark and discolored. Scattered down your sternum and along the center of your ribcage.

Your head snapped up at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

And Daryl was gone.

You tried to ignore the pinprick of tears that grew, the hurt that settled across your chest as you lowered your shirt back in place — but when Denise suddenly reached out and placed her hand on top of yours, patting it softly, your features crumpled.

Everything that happened seemed to catch up to you in that moment — the fear, the shock, what Daryl must’ve felt pulling your unmoving body out of the water. You’d nearly died. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t been able to bring you back? Would he have been the one to put you down when you undoubtedly turned? Or would Tara have done it — the act far too painful for the man you loved to follow through with.

The man you loved.

Denise wrapped her hand around yours, squeezing gently and drawing you back. “Hey, it’s okay,” she soothed.

You quickly swiped at the tears that slipped down your cheeks, huffing a hitched breath. “I know, I’m just —” you glanced up at the front door, hanging onto the foolish hope that it’d swing open once more. “I don’t know,” you finally mumbled, albeit defeatedly.

Denise followed your gaze, scoffing slightly. “Men suck,” she finally shrugged.

You sniffled softly before shaking your head. “Not that one,” you murmured fondly.

Denise squeezed your hand once more, shooting you a sympathetic smile before she pulled away. “It could’ve been worse — most people who have CPR done on them end up with broken ribs or punctured lungs. You, my friend, are one of the lucky ones.”

You inhaled a deep breath, fighting back a wince, the motion stretching your bruised body. “Thank you. For everything.”

Denise nodded before taking off her glasses, using the hem of her shirt to clean the lenses. “Y/N, I don’t mean to overstep my boundaries, but,” she paused, sliding her glasses back on as she regarded you seriously. “You smell like a sewer rat.”

You faltered, completely caught off guard by her statement before remembering that you were still wearing damp, swampy, pool water clothes. Then, despite everything, a laugh slipped past your lips, breaking the tension. You let out a hiss as the movement sent a wave of pain through you. “Ow, fuck, don’t make me laugh,” you bit back another chuckle, lightly swatting her arm.

Denise smiled before motioning towards the door. “Go home, shower, get some rest — Doctor’s orders,” she grinned, turning away and beginning to clean up her workstation.

You thanked her again before hobbling out of the infirmary.

As night drew near, most residents of Alexandria were already in their respective homes — you were grateful for that. You didn’t want to see anyone right now, their worry and endless questions something you were more than happy to put off until tomorrow.

When you made it back to the apartment you and Daryl shared, you were, yet again, fighting back feelings of disappointment — he wasn’t home. You felt a pinprick of worry, but knew he needed time and space to process whatever it was he was feeling.

And when he was ready, you would be too.

You walked through the kitchen, the morning you’d shared earlier feeling like a lifetime ago — the pan he’d used to make eggs, now dry, remained sitting on the counter. The bedroom was untouched, looking exactly how it had this morning, just the way you’d left it. You grabbed a fresh set of clothes before making your way into the master bathroom attached, ignoring the bone-deep tiredness settling over you.

Showering was a good call — the warm water rained down as you scrubbed your body of the muck that clung to you, being extra careful not to get the bandage on your head wet or make any sudden movements. When you were finished cleaning up, you stood beneath the shower head for a few minutes, eyes closed, inhaling the steam around you with deep, calming breaths.

You were okay. You were alive. You were here.

You shut off the water, stepped out of the shower, and dried yourself off, gingerly patting down your chest and around your ribs, before slipping into clean clothes. You wiped away some of the steam that’d collected on the bathroom mirror before hanging up your towel, combing out your knotted hair, and brushing your teeth — the same routine you did every night.

The normalcy was soothing — you were already beginning to feel better, more like yourself. You were ready to put what happened behind you and move forward, sure to never take another day for granted.

But when you opened the bathroom door, ready to curl up in bed and doze off, all of your feelings from earlier came rushing back at the sight of Daryl.

Once again, he’d been pacing the length of the bedroom, only stopping after you’d entered the room, his gaze snapping towards you. He shifted his weight back and forth, opening his mouth before clamping it shut. You could feel his energy, rolling off his body in waves — tense, rigid, wild. He was struggling to say whatever was on his mind, only furthering his evident frustration. He flicked his hair away from his eyes, turning to face you head-on, clearly gathering up the gall to speak.

You took a small step forward. “Daryl —”

“Ya were blue,” he suddenly rasped, a fire in his gaze that wasn’t there before. “Tara was shoutin’ for ya an’ I — when I went in an’ pulled ya out, there wasn’t — I didn’t —” he huffed a breath in frustration, his face tinged red. “God, damn it, Y/N, ya were fuckin’ blue,” he finally growled, chest heaving, hands balled into fists at his side.

His anger wasn’t directed at you, but the situation itself, you knew that. But still, his words — or more so the emotion, the truth hidden behind them — had you recoiling from him, your heart breaking at the thought of what he’d seen, of what had run through his mind when he realized you weren’t breathing.

You couldn’t imagine how scared he must have been.

And that was what was beneath his outburst — not rage, but fear.

But he wasn’t finished with what he needed to say — if anything, he was just getting more and more worked up as he began to frantically pace once more. “This is why — I fuckin’ told ya — I didn’t need ya comin’ out there. I didn’t need ya on that run but ya — ya didn’t listen ta’ me an’ then —”

“I love you.”

Daryl stilled, mid-stride, his gaze widening as if all of the air had been sucked from his lungs.

You felt your face flush, the air between you so thick it could be cut with a knife. You hadn’t meant to say that aloud, but the words just sort of…tumbled out? And now, there they were, hanging between you. Part of you wondered if the archer could hear your heart pounding from where he stood — or maybe it was his heartbeat, synched up to yours.

You sputtered a soft breath, shaking your head in disbelief, trying not to panic because the last thing you wanted was for Daryl to look at you the way he was looking at you after telling him you loved him. “I’m —“ you took a breath, regarding him earnestly. “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. And I promise — I promise — you do not have to say it back. Hell, you don’t even have to feel the same way,” you huffed an awkward laugh, but the noise hitched somewhere in your throat, betraying your words. You grew serious once more. “I just — I couldn’t have another night going by without you knowing. Not after what happened today,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, shrugging a shoulder up meekly. “So, I love you — I love you more than anything.”

You weren’t sure what sort of reaction you were expecting from him. But you absolutely refused to acknowledge the tiny part of you that secretly wished he’d swoop you into his arms, pull you close, tell you he loved you too — because that wasn’t Daryl. That wasn’t the type of man he was — and you were okay with that.

Because you hadn’t fallen in love with that type of man.

You’d fallen in love with the man standing shell-shocked in front of you.

You cleared your throat and stepped forward, moving away from the bathroom doorway. “The shower’s all yours,” you murmured, needing to break the uncomfortable silence that carried on.

You sidestepped around his frozen form, ignoring the way your legs shook like jelly beneath you as you made your way towards the bed. You took a seat on the edge of the mattress, keeping your back towards him, staring ahead at the blank wall in front of you instead.

After what felt like forever, the floorboard squeaked beneath the shifting of his weight, his footsteps growing faint as he slowly walked away and entered the bathroom, closing the door shut after him.

You strained your ears, listening for any movement beyond the door he’d disappeared behind — but you heard nothing. It was like you could feel him through the panel of wood between you — you could almost picture him, just standing there, trying to process whatever the hell was going on inside that mind of his.

A moment later, the shower turned on.

And you released the breath you’d been holding.

Exhaustion swept through you, the day’s events wearing you down. You carefully maneuvered yourself into bed, pulling a thin sheet over your body and settling onto your side. Your eyelids grew heavy, the sound of the shower lulling you to sleep despite the strange, sort of freedom your admittance had brought you, the feeling buzzing through your veins.

You didn’t regret your vulnerability — he needed to know he was loved, damn it.

When you heard the shower turn off, you snapped your eyes shut. You listened to the archer move about the bathroom until the door finally creaked open. He seemed to be just standing there, and you could’ve sworn you felt him staring at the back of your head as if he was gauging whether or not you were actually asleep. But a moment later, you heard his footsteps padding across the bedroom before the mattress dipped beneath him.

You held your breath, covers drawn to your chin as Daryl shifted in bed, eventually lying down beside you. Another beat of quiet passed, neither of you moving, nor breathing it seemed.

But then suddenly, you heard him speak, so softly you almost missed it. “I know ya ain’t sleepin’,” he rumbled.

The corner of your mouth quirked up — because of course he knew.

You sighed, shifting gingerly onto your back, the sheet pooling at your waist as you looked over at him. He laid on his side, facing you, propped up on his elbow. He was dressed in clean clothes, his hair still wet from the shower, pushed back out of his face.

He really was rather beautiful.

“Busted,” you smiled, though the archer’s expression remained solemn.

Ever so gently, he reached towards you, his fingertip grazing the material of your shirt, over your ribcage, below your chest, hovering the bruises that lingered. “Does it hurt?” he rasped, the mouth turned downward into a small frown.

You shook your head. “Not really.”

Daryl’s eyes met yours, his expression skeptical and knowing.

You never were a good liar.

“At least you didn’t break a rib?” you offered sheepishly, your lame attempt at a joke falling flat given the current audience.

But when Daryl’s features fell, a flash of what looked like guilt settling over his face, you placed your hand on top of his, resting them against your stomach. “Don’t do that,” you murmured, reading him like a damn book as you rubbed circles with your thumb over the back of his hand.

The archer grumbled something indistinct, staring down at your intertwined hands.

Your grip tightened around his. “I mean it,” you spoke, an edge to your voice, only softening when he looked at you instead. “You saved my life, D — that’s it. You can let go of anything else you’re holding onto.”

Daryl’s lip twitched as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, seemingly mulling over your words.

You were sure he’d hang onto whatever unnecessary guilt he carried — because that was just who he was — but eventually, he nodded once and settled down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. You were too tired to press the subject further so you curled into his side and rested your head against his chest, winding your arm across his midsection. His arm automatically wrapped around you, his fingertips trailing absently up and down your spine, sending shivers through your body.

You weren’t sure how long you laid like that, melting into the warmth he exuded, the steady pounding of his heartbeat easing you to sleep.

You’d nearly faded away when Daryl suddenly spoke.

“Did ya mean it?” he rumbled, the noise vibrating from deep within his chest. “What ya said before?” he grunted, his hand pausing at the small of your back.

You could’ve imagined it, but you almost felt the slight tremble of his fingertips against your skin.

You slowly pushed up onto your elbow, your faces mere inches apart. You searched his uncertain gaze, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Of course I meant it,” you whispered. “Every damn word.”

Daryl’s eyes narrowed, as though not entirely believing what you said could be true.

So you leaned forward, closing the remainder of space between you, and pressed your lips gently against his. He returned the kiss, a quiet desperation growing as one hand came up to cradle the side of your face, his thumb sweeping back and forth across your cheek. You broke away from the kiss, brushing his hair back before meeting his lips once more, settling your hand on his chest, feeling his heart racing beneath your touch.

When you pulled back, you noticed his skin flush, surely mirroring your own. He looked up at you, slightly breathless, a fondness in his gaze that sent your stomach somersaulting. He cleared his throat, the ghost of a smile flickering across his face. “Well, alright,” he finally resigned, accepting your answer to his question.

You snorted a breathy laugh, leaning forward and kissing his cheek before burrowing against him. A soft sigh slipped past your lips as Daryl’s hold tightened around you, as though afraid you’d disappear if he didn’t.

You closed your eyes, reveling in the feeling of contentment, unsure how many more moments like this you, or anyone else for that matter, had left in this kind of cruel and harrowing world.

But for at least tonight, you could be at peace.

“I love you,” you murmured groggily, beginning to sink deeper into unconsciousness.

Right before sleep came, long after Daryl thought you’d drifted away, you heard him whisper three, simple words.

“More than anythin’.”

Then he pulled you closer and the world dimmed.

A/N: Aw...a happy ending! (I figured I owed ya after putting y'all through Honey & Whiskey lol)

P.S. Feedback is incredibly important. I write for my own happiness, but I also write for YOU. So don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask or leave a comment with your thoughts! It truly motivates me and helps move along the writing process. Also, please consider donating to my Tip Jar. Every little bit helps!

P.S.S. I can no longer tag people on this account, so my tag list has been transferred to my side blog @crossbowking2. If you’d like to be added/removed, please let me know!

456 notes · View notes

sortasirius · 4 years ago

Note

what makes you think the writers want deancas? not trying to be an asshole, i'm just genuinely curious as to why you think that. i know berens' episodes are pretty heavy with subtext so i can see why you'd say that he wants it, but i'm not so sure about the rest of the writers/dabb. it seems like meghan isn't a huge fan either, given her "they twisted it so fast" tweet :/ of course she's a very new writer (think she's only writing one ep this season?) but still

OKAY this is a great question, welcome to my dissertation.

I’m going to address the end of your question first. Meghan is actually DeanCas positive, she has been for quite a long time. She actually, a few years back, posted a picture of her reading a literal book about Destiel and captioned it “writing reading” or something like that.

This whole thing just comes out of a boiling over of tensions because of how nasty fandom twitter can be. Like I said here, I think this has just gotten blown out of proportion, they shouldn’t have posted all this randomly disparaging stuff, but also like...can you blame them? The fandom is a lot, we always have been, and they’re probably also under a gag order not to talk about the finale, and are annoyed that people keep asking.

So nah, Meg is not anti Destiel.

To the first part!! So let’s take a look at the show runners since Cas has been around.

Seasons 4 and 5: Kripke

Seasons 6 and 7: Gamble

Seasons 8-11ish: Carver

Seasons 11ish-15: Dabb

So starting with Kripke. Okay, yes, I will be the first to admit that we have some pretty incredible Destiel moments in these seasons, but it’s less directly written into the plot and much more from Misha and Jensen’s uhhhh ~chemistry~. The only times it was directly written into the script was when the episode was handled by someone like Edlund (“On The Head Of A Pin,” “The End,” “My Bloody Valentine”). And you have to remember, if in season 5, there are moments here and there where you’re like huh that’s suspiciously romantic dialogue, remember that Cas took Anna’s place. Anna was supposed to be endgame for Dean, but due to a myriad of issues and Misha’s general greatness, Anna was replaced with Cas.

Onto 6 and 7. Hmmm. Gamble. 6 and 7 are my two least favorite seasons and that’s no secret, and that’s not only due to the plain old weird shit in the overall storyline, but also that homegirl killed off Cas in s7 and then Bobby like four episodes later. (Also it ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way they couldn’t have Baby in that season lol). We still had some great DeanCas moments, but again, it wasn’t really written into the overall arc (until they had to change the end of season 7 because of tanking ratings and bring Misha back lol, anyone remember the fact that Dean kept Cas’ jacket and would randomly dream of him? Yeah.). But we still had those moments, those distinctly romantic moments, probably the best example in these two seasons is from Edlund again, specifically “The Man Who Would be King,” I wrote a little about that here.

We move onto Carver, who gave us, at this point, the most overt DeanCas season with season 8 (season gr8 is a better name imo), and this is the first time Dean and Cas’ relationship is directly written as an arc of the season. I mean, you have everything in Purgatory, Dean “seeing” Cas everywhere, the fact that he felt so guilty that Cas stayed in Purgatory that he manipulated his own memories to think that he was the one that failed Cas, because he couldn’t comprehend that Cas would want to leave him, and let’s not forget Dean snapping Cas out of Naomi’s hold on him in “Goodbye Stranger.” It was a very obvious shift, not enough to alert the general audience, but more than enough for most of us in fandom.

It’s also important to note that this is when Andrew stopped co writing with Loflin and started writing his own episodes (”Hunter Heroici” anyone?) I like Loflin fine, but Dabb was able to stretch his legs a little bit more once he stopped co-writing, and we also began to see some DeanCas themes in his solo episodes.

In any case, them and their issues being a big part of the seasons continued with Carver, and Berens entered the scene, his first episode (”Heaven Can’t Wait”) is one of my favorites, with human Cas and the fanfiction gap and Dean and Cas just generally being awkward and funny and sweet. This is Bobo’s FIRST episode, remember that. He comes right out of the gate with it.

Also in Season 9, this is when Dean takes the Mark of Cain, and the Cas/Colette mirror is born, so obviously, Dean and Cas are the fabric of the season once again. This is also the season where Metatron says Cas is “in love with humanity,” and then immediately refers to Dean as Humanity so uhhhh yeah.

Onto season 10, Dabb and Berens continue with their greatness (I could write pages on the DeanCas date in “The Things We Left Behind” alone). And then we have one of the best scenes in the entire show in “The Prisoner” where the Cas/Colette mirror continues and Dean, driven by grief and pain and rage and the Mark, still doesn’t kill Cas. He still can’t kill Cas.

Season 11 is important because it takes choice away from both Cas and Dean, and shows us, as the audience, how much losing each other takes out of them. We saw in season 10 how much losing Dean takes from Cas, but what about Cas losing Dean? Dean loses his choice with his connection to Amara this season, and loses even more when Lucifer reveals he’s been possessing Cas, and plays on Dean’s connection to Cas like a mockery. It’s also worth noting that, similarly to season 8, Dean breaks out of the connection with Amara when he’s worried about Cas, and that’s something that even SHE is surprised by.

But then season 12, the beginning to the Renaissance. This is when we get the writer’s that become important for what Dean and Cas are today, and, truly, why I believe they want canon Destiel as much as we do.

This is the first season with Dabb’s writers: Davy Perez, Meredith Glynn, Steve Yockey, and of course Bobo all come in with their incredible talents and gave us episode after episode of good content. “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is probably my favorite, probably the best example of what I’m saying. An episode where Dean is called out by an enemy directly, told to “roll the dice” on Cas’ life. And Dean won’t, it’s not even really a hesitation. And this comes from a character that has known Dean for ten seconds. I also wrote more in depth about this episode here. There are also some.....distinctly domestic details we get this season, specifically in “The Future” (written by Berens and Glynn) with the mixtape. The most tropey of tropes mixtape. Yeah, I’ll just leave that one here.

And then season 12 ends with Cas’ death, but also with the parallel between Sam and Dean with Jess and Cas. Sam literally has to drag Dean away from Cas, just like Dean had to drag Sam out of his burning apartment in the pilot. The episode drives it home in every way that it can: Dean is the one left kneeling by Cas’ body, while Sam goes to find out what is upstairs. Dean is the one who stares at the sky, finally broken. This isn’t a random thing, this is Dean’s whole arc, it’s the entirety of the beginning of 13. Dean’s pain, his anguish, his anger.

Season 13 starts with them burning Cas, with Dean, who has begged God to bring him back, who has split his knuckles punching a door, standing, staring at Cas’ pyre with brokenness on his face.

I mean.....

Anyway, season 13 is where it gets interesting (well, I think all of this is interesting but I’m a writer nerd so). So Cas comes back from the Empty in “Advanced Thanatology” written by Steve Yockey, and then a wombo combo of “Tombstone” by Davy Perez next (”Brokebacknatural” as the PR said at the time). Listen. This is the part that SPN crossed a line that they couldn’t come back from. With Cas being Dean’s “big win,” the fact that Dean and Cas watch movies together, “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Talked about it here.

This is where, in my opinion, the network stepped in, but the damage was already done. They had already established that Cas was Dean’s big win, that Dean’s poor coping was not due to Mary’s disappearance, but solely due to Cas, and that Dean and Cas have more married energy than anyone else. The network had nixed blatant canon at this point, and they writing room had been pushing the boundaries of what the network would allow.

After these episodes, we see a marked drop off of DeanCas heavy scenes. They’re still there, still a part of the fabric of the season, but not as...obvious as it had been in early season 13.

And this continued through season 14, we’re back to scraps of Destiel scenes here and there, but to me it always felt like there was something bubbling under the surface, something distinctly unsaid in the themes of the season, even after the walk back of obvious “Dean and Cas are in love” scenes.

And then we get to season 15, which, y’all know I talk about all the time. What’s important here is that Bobo and Glynn are both executive producers, calling more of the shots than ever before. Additionally, it’s important to note that, though they only co write occasionally, Glynn and Berens refer to each other as “work husband” and “work wife.” Each episode has just turned up the volume, and, not for the first time, but certainly the most obvious, Dean and Cas ARE the season. Sure, they’re trying to beat God, they’re trying to finally find peace, defeat the final big bad, but really? This season has been about Dean, and Dean’s relationship to Cas.

And not only do we have obvious and clear Destiel in nearly every episode, but we have episodes like “Last Call” which canonize bi!Dean (wrote about that here).

And, maybe most importantly so far, we have “The Rupture,” the breakup, and “The Trap,” Dean’s confession (both written by Berens). And here’s the thing. These episodes feel connected, but also feel like they’re missing something. Beren’s last episode is 15x18, “The Truth.” We’ve all spec’ed about what could happen in this episode, and I think *I* know what it’s leading to. But for it to be leading to that, it means that the network has to have approved what we’ve all been waiting for years for.

Who got this change to happen? Who got the network to change their minds? It wasn’t us. It was them. I am fully convinced that Dabb and Berens quite literally put their careers on the line for Dean and Cas. They believe in them, they’ve shown that from the beginning, but the only thing standing in the way was the network, never allowing them to take the final step.

So, to answer your question: I think the writers want canon DeanCas because they’ve already shown us that they do. Take a look at their episodes, at Dabb’s, at Beren’s, at Glynn’s, at Perez’s, at Yockey’s. They’ve been telling us what’s going on with Dean and Cas for years.

Sure, I’m not in their heads, I guess I don’t know for *sure* that this has been their thought process, but if we put it all together, from the marked shift when Dabb fully took over in s12, to the change right after “Tombstone,” to the new shift, the blatantly romantic shift in season 15, what else is there?

I’ve said for a long time that we, the SPN fandom, are beyond lucky to have the writer’s that we do. They’re all going to go on to have prolific careers and we were lucky to get them at the end of our little show. I give them a lot of credit for what we have in the show today.

Just remember, they’ve been telling us in all of s15 who Chuck is. He says he’s the writer, right? But a writer who doesn’t have control of his characters? A writer who wants to do the same ending over and over because it “works”? That doesn’t sound like a writer, it sounds like a network exec.

They’ve been showing us what they want for years, and the way s15 is going? I think they may have convinced the network to let us have it.

#supernatural #destiel #spn #my writing #anyway yeah i love these writers #welcome to my essay lmao #spn writers #anonymous #lilly answers

1K notes · View notes

samsexualdeancurious · 3 years ago

Text

My fills for @spnovember 2021! Check the warnings on each fic but there's a lot of angst in here and I had a fucking fantastic time writing every one of these. Enjoy!

---

Day 1: graveyard - In the Shadow of a Church (AO3) - Mature, Sam-centric, Pre-Canon, Post-15x20, Canonical Character Death

Day 2: witchcraft & wonder - Candlelight (AO3) - Gen, Weechesters, Pre-Canon

Day 3: blood calls to blood - Sanguis (AO3) - Teen, Hurt!Sam, Kidnapped!Sam, Canon-Typical Violence, Witchcraft

Day 4: shadows - Unchanged (AO3) - Teen, Platonic Cuddling, Late Seasons

Day 5: no-tell motel - The Peacock Inn (AO3) - Teen, Hurt!Sam, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence

Day 6: cherry pie - Sticky (AO3) - Gen, Weechesters, Pre-Canon

Day 7: scars &/or sigils - Blood (AO3) - Mature, Self-Harm, Hurt!Sam, Season 5

Day 8: "Did you hear that?" - Wide Eyes in the Moonlight (AO3) - Teen, Hurt!Sam, Sequel to "Sanguis"

Day 9: Storms a'brewin'... - One Mississippi (AO3) - Gen, Weechesters, Pre-Canon

Day 10: the thing you should not have forgotten - Grilled Cheese (AO3) - Mature, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt!Sam, PTSD

Day 11: road rage - Hangry (AO3) - Teen, grumpy!Dean

Day 12: buried (secrets) - Content (AO3) - Mature, Past Sam/Jess, Past Sam/Piper, Past Sam/Amelia, Past Sam/OFC, Referenced Non-con, PTSD, Implied Sexual Content

Day 13: emerald orbs - Amulet (AO3) - Mature, Sam/Rowena, Implied Sexual Content

Day 14: highways & low ways - Roads (AO3) - Teen, Hurt!Sam, Sequel to "Wide Eyes in the Moonlight"

Day 15: outsider POV - $20 (AO3) - Mature, Outsider POV, Hurt!Dean, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship

Day 16: hair of the dog - Morning After (AO3) - Mature, Hungover!Dean, Hungover!Sam, Vomiting

Day 17: empty diner at midnight - autumn closin' in (AO3) - Teen, POst-15x20, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dean Lives, Retired Winchesters

Day 18: It's curtain for us - A Damn Good Ride (AO3) - Mature, Major Character Death, Hurt!Dean, Hurt!Sam, Suicide, Episode Rewrite: 15x20

Day 19: breakdown - Follow (AO3) - Teen, Post-15x20, Mental Instability

Day 20: fangs for the memories - Nightmares or Memories? (AO3) - Teen, Nightmares, Post-Purgatory

Day 21: guilt or guilty pleasures - A Matched Set (AO3) - Mature, Sam/Dean, Always Female Sam, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Showering Together

Day 22: Cryptidpalooza - In the Deep, Deep Woods (AO3) - Teen, Cryptid Encounter

Day 23: daydreams/nightmares - the beast under your bed (in your closet, in your head) (AO3) - Mature, PTSD, Sam Winchester Has Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Day 24: mercy - take my hand, save your soul (AO3) - Explicit, Sam/Castiel, Dom!Cas, Sub!Sam, Bondage, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Control, Hand Jobs

Day 25: Americana - honky tonk angels (with their wings on fire) (AO3) - Teen, Post-15x20, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning

Day 26: the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. - Let the Dead Bear Witness (AO3) - Explicit, Sam/Dean, Top!Dean, Bottom!Sam, Topping from the Bottom, Graveyard Sex, Public Sex, Sex Magic, Soul Sex, Soul Magic, Soulmates

Day 27: mirrors/reflections - tell no more lies (of who we are) (AO3) - Mature, Sam/Castiel, PTSD, Hurt!Sam, Consent Issues, Aftermath of Possession, Post-9x10

Day 28: bad coffee on a cold day - Burnt Coffee (AO3) - Teen, Stanford Era, Stanford!Sam, Sam's Friends at Stanford

Day 29: Holy smokes! - fire burns brighter in the darkness (AO3) - Mature, PTSD, Fire, Season 1

Day 30: They were never, in fact, homeless - it's just the place that changes (the rest is still the same) (AO3) - Teen, Autistic!Sam, John Winchester Neutral, Pre-Canon, Stanford Erd, Season 14, Time Skips, POV Changes

#spnovember #masterlist

9 notes · View notes

novakiart · 4 years ago

Text

Another Sabriel Fic List

Since I asked for sabriel fic recs yesterday, I figured I should offer a few of my own that haven’t yet popped up in that discussion. All are 10k+ (yay!), s5/6-ish canon divergent, and feature a steamy side of destiel (and one surprise)

here’s my absolute favourite:

No One Would Riot For Less by narukyu - M - 70k

Family reunions are a time of fun and good eating, or so Dean thinks. He plans on making this year’s reunion the best one yet, and he even got Sam to stop bitching long enough to drive back home and help. Sure, Cas is acting a little weird—donning the old trench coat like a lame ass caped crusader—but there’s nothing wrong between the two of them. Ever. So don’t even start.

Sam, on the other hand, isn’t feeling quite so content. He’s dealing with a concussion or an out of body experience or something, because everything around him feels just wrong, from the tie around his neck to the shocking presence of Jess in his life. His confusion is only heightened by increasingly cryptic texts from a contact he’s saved as ‘Loki’–a contact that he doesn’t remember making. Loki seems to hold all the answers, including the answer to one disturbing question Sam can’t quite let go of–why does he think most of their family and friends should be long dead and buried?

Dean’s belligerently happy. Sam’s genuinely confused. But to everyone else, life is just perfect.

Maybe a little too perfect.

here are some classics that double as great places to start your sabriel fic reading journey:

Like Glass by entanglednow - M - 14k

Sam wakes up on the bathroom floor.

Your Bottle Is Empty (But Your Glass Has Been Filled) by jjtaylor - M - 31k

“Becky wants me to tell you that she’s read everything so far and that she…thinks the romance plot is very compelling.”

The Color Gold by cyanspica - Explicit - 54k

Sam should know better than to trust a Pagan. He should definitely know better than to trust the Pagan God of Lies, especially when said god is the same one who once trapped him in a hellish time loop for months on end. Unfortunately, without Dean at his side for running on four years now and the last chapter of the apocalypse drawing closer every day, he doesn’t have room to be picky.

these two are more challenging reads but i also rarely see them come up in recs:

whose waves are years by eduwacee - Teen+ - 23k

In which Gabriel plays with time, and Sam seems to always be running out of it.

In His Image by anonymous - Explicit - 153k

Kali can breathe life back into a corpse, but what exactly is Gabriel now? Gabriel flits around various centuries trying to work that out, Dean has another powered-down angel and a little brother to look out for, Castiel has forgotten how to trust, and someone keeps sending Sam annoying little notes on his laptop. Oh, and Bobby would like to remind you all that there’s an Apocalypse still going on. Covers season 5 from Gabriel’s death to the finale.

ok this one doesn’t fit my word limit & it’s 100000% crack, but i read the description ONCE and have not been able to get the concept out of my head since…..so for your consideration, please enjoy:

You Could Be Paying for This Yourself by wallmakerrelict - M - 2k

Gabriel introduces his boyfriend (Sam) to his ex-boyfriend (Mayhem from the Allstate commercials). Hilarity ensues. Gabe is amused. Sam is not. And Dean might have to kill this guy if he doesn’t get away from Dean’s car.

#sabriel #spn gabriel #sabriel fic rec #spn #a lot of these have been rec'd before but on the off chance someone hasn't read 'em #here ya go!#i base how much i like a sabriel fic off how well the writer captures gabe's voice so

53 notes · View notes

postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years ago

Note

I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting). Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?

#anon #my spn thoughts #spn meta #spn 15x19 #spn

139 notes · View notes

danceswithwlfs · 4 years ago

Text

if i hold on to you, i’m only hurting me

Ellie & Dina Week: Day 1 (Ache)

Ellie reluctantly pushes the gate open to the lower garden, grabbing a set of tools from the basket as she sulks in.

Fucking farming rotation. Another day in paradise.

Ellie really doesn’t mind most jobs around Jackson. Even though she’s practically counting down the days until she can join patrols, helping do repairs on houses, or being assigned to the butcher shop aren’t so bad. However, farming rotation is the job she likes least.

Maybe it’s because of the level of skill required. You have to go through rigorous training to join patrols. Hell, it’s practically a full day of hands on lectures about horse safety before you can be assigned to stable duty. Sure, growing food is important - everyone needs to eat - but anyone can plant herbs and shuck corn.

The throbbing headache she woke up with certainly doesn’t help the situation either.

At least she is scheduled to work with Dina. That will make the morning go by significantly quicker.

However, as she approaches the group of half asleep teens receiving their assignments she is surprised to find that she has actually arrived before Dina, who is always the more punctual of the two.

“Morning Ellie!” Sandy, the head gardener greets her a little too happily for 6 AM. “You and Dina are going to be working on beds ten through twenty. The tomatoes need to be pruned and the hornworms are in full force this season.” She purses her lips as she hands Ellie the designated pest control bucket.

Ellie can’t stop the huff of air that escapes her lips. “Great.” She takes the bucket, devoid of enthusiasm, and gives Sandy a half-hearted wave before making her way to the first bed of tomatoes.

After she’s made it through a handful of the plants she hears the gate swing shut and turns to see Dina shamefully entering the garden, a good fifteen minutes later than she should have, hoping she might go unnoticed.

“Dina!” Sandy exclaims, “so nice of you to join us this morning.”

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Even from across the garden Ellie can see the blood rising in Dina’s cheeks as everyone’s attention is turned towards her. The sight alone is almost enough to make her forget about the pounding in her head.

“Have Ellie fill you in on what you’re doing. And don’t forget your tools.”

“Oh, uh, right.” Dina has to awkwardly make her way back to the tool basket by the entrance.

Damn. Ellie doesn’t even bother holding back her smirk and raised eyebrow as Dina approaches.

“Well, well, well - so nice of you to join us this morning,” Ellie says mockingly and Dina rolls her eyes.

“You’ve been missing out - we get to harvest today.” She gently pushes the pest bucket into Dina’s hands, a few hungry caterpillars wriggling around wildly in the bottom.

“Oh yum!” Dina sighs as she looks into the bucket, her face screwing up in disgust.

“Ya know I’m sitting here, soaking up the sun of this perfect fucking day, and I’m thinking ‘fuck, Dina must really be doing something important to miss out on a morning as spectacular as this one, here, with me - picking hornworms off of tomato plants.’” Ellie returns to her position by the planter bed, and glances over at Dina with a spark in her eye.

“Which you really need to get a jump on by the way, or we’ll be stuck here later than everyone else.”

Dina is surprisingly quiet, just returning Ellie’s ribbing with an amused smirk. She takes up shop on the opposite side of the planter and dutifully gets to work.

Normally Ellie is on the receiving end of Dina’s badgering when it comes to tardiness - she’s a bit surprised Dina isn’t giving anything back. Regardless, she isn’t going to miss an opportunity to goad Dina for the role reversal.

“So what were you up to?” Ellie doesn’t drop the playfulness from her tone. ��Saving Alex’s kitten from a tree? Helping Eugene patch that awful fucking hole in his favorite shirt? Teaching Jesse how to read?” She tosses a smug look at Dina, quite proud of that last suggestion.

“Actually…” Dina hesitates and lowers her voice, glancing down at her shoes “Jesse spent the night last night.”

Ellie can feel all the color leave her, along with her jovial mood, as she tries to hide her face behind the foliage of the plant in front of her. She is filled immediately with regret. God. Don’t be weird, Ellie. Don’t be weird.

Dina and Jesse had been something for a while now. She first noticed the way they would hang back from the group at town events, brush their hands against each other, and laugh even when the other didn’t do or say anything remotely funny. When Dina finally told her about her crush on Jesse she had to put on a smile for her best friend, before allowing herself to be envious of her other best friend.

‘It’s just puppy love.’ Ellie told herself at the time. ‘It won’t last.’

Some days she hates herself for letting her think those things. She’s knows it’s dumb of her to be jealous. It isn’t like she is under some delusion that Dina would ever feel that way about her, but it would certainly dull the ache if she didn’t have to watch them hold hands, or slip quietly away from the crowd, or...

“It was the first time, uh, you know…” Dina raises her eyes to try and meet Ellies, and a smile blossoms across her lips. Ellie can tell she’s happy. Really happy.

“Oh,” it comes out much more awkwardly than she had hoped. Fuck. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but she certainly never wanted to think about Dina and Jesse’s sexual relationship.

“He didn’t have to be up early today… So uh, ya know, I didn’t want to be in any kind of rush either.” Dina blushes, and Ellie can feel the emptiness inside her stomach take over. Her headache is completely replaced with numbness and she has no idea what to say in response.

Ellie clears her throat and finally lets her eyes meet Dina’s, “Well, uh, priorities.” She does her best to force a smile on her face. “Guess I’ll have to give Jesse shit about making you late later.” She doesn’t know how to change the topic, but she’s hoping Dina will start talking about something, anything, else.

“I am sorry. That you had to get started without me, this job sucks.” She hesitates again, bringing her hands together and staring at them for a minute before looking at Ellie again.

“I really like him, El.”

Ellie wants nothing more than to flip a switch and forget about these gnawing feelings. To be genuinely happy for Dina.

“I know.”

But nothing is that easy.

#warm up yall #warm up #writing is hard #elliedina week #tlou 2 #the last of us part ii #tlou fanfic #ellie x dina #my writing #high key wanna continue editing this but i also wanted to get it posted in time for day 1 so here we are

43 notes · View notes

anxiouspotatorants · 3 years ago

Text

That’s it, @stellaluna33 and @chambersofthesea have opened a pandora’s box within my musical theatre nerd ass head and now I present to you random musical songs I think Jess would headbang or moap to:

Gee Officer Krupke from West Side Story I subscribe to the idea that West Side Story is Jess’ favourite classic musical, and therefore I also headcanon that he knows this song inside out. I mean come on, it’s literally about the Jets singing about how they are treated like crap at every level of society and are then punished for doing as expected of them. “Golly Moses, naturally we're punks!”

Anything Pierre sings in Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 Another headcanon I agree with (courtesy of @chambersofthesea) is that Jess is a Hadestown fan... which just so happens to have the same director (Rachel Chavkin) as Great Comet. It’s also about a chunk of War and Peace with a healthy dose of experimenting (stage integrated with audience seats, russian folk mixed with EDM and classical and indie rock). But what takes the cake for me is Pierre. So many of Pierre’s lyrics sounds like something Jess would underline in one of his books or write himself at an older age. Highlights include “You empty and stupid/ Contented fellows/ Satisfied with your place/ I'm different from you/ I'm different from you/ I still want to do something” from Pierre, and “None of us are great men/ We're caught in the wave of history/ Nothing matters/ Everything matters/ It's all the same” from Letters.

Leave from Once Once strikes me as one of those musicals that several GG characters would be into, but particularly Jess in later seasons. He’d probably feel too edgy for it as a teenager, but after season 6? Yeah that’s when this musical would hit hard for him, especially the songs Leave and Say It To Me Now.

Children Will Listen from Into the Woods This is the kind of song that I think would simultaneously work as a comfort song and as a gut punch. Jess doesn’t seem like he’d make a good Sondheim ‘stan’, and Into the Woods is definitely not his favourite musical, but specific songs like this one work a little too well to not be something he likes. Exhibit A: “Children may not obey/ But children will listen/ Children will look to you/ For which way to turn/ To learn what to be/ Careful before you say/ "Listen to me."/ Children will listen”

All That’s Known, And Then There Were None and The Mirror-Blue Night from Spring Awakening (honorary mentions: B*tch of Living and Don’t Do Sadness/Blue Wind ) Spring Awakening is really angsty. Jess is really angsty as a teen. Spring Awakening is unconventional and has a lot of teen rebellion. Jess was an unconventional teen rebel (without a cause). This just works really well. Some highlight lyrics: “You doubt them, and soon they bark and hound you/ 'Til everything you say is just another bad about you” from All That’s Known, “But there's nowhere to hide from the ghost in my mind/ It's cold in these bones- of a man and a child/ And there's no one who knows, and there's nowhere to go/ There's no one to see who can see to my soul” from The Mirror-Blue Night and “Just f*ck it—right? Enough, that's it/ You'll still go on—well, for a bit/ Another day of utter shit—/ And then there were none” from And Then There Were None.

Half (if not all) of Hadestown (especially the Epics, Way Down Hadestown, When the Chips Are Down, the Chants, and Promises) As previously mentioned, this definitely seems like a possible favourite for Jess. This ask goes more into it. I think Jess would see himself in both Euridice and Orpheus (arguably more in Euridice, but I still think both). I also think that even though he’d be biased towards the concept album, he’d relate to the NY workshop Hermes. And I won’t highlight lyrics because in that case we would be here all week.

Cancelling the Bar Mitzvah, The Games I Play and I Never Wanted to Love You from Falsettos Dysfunctional family dynamics with whip smart dialogue and roast humour? Yeah that’s perfect for Jess. I’m not sure if he’d relate to any characters (maybe Jason) but he’d be drawn to specific lyrics. Like “I never wanted to love you/ I never wanted, 'till death do we two part.'/ Condescend, stay my friend/ How do I start/ Not to love you?” from I Never Wanted to Love You, and “Tell him things happen for no damn good reason/ And his lack of control kills what’s best in his soul/ And this is the start of his becoming a man” from Cancelling the Bar Mitzvah.

Here are some honorary mentions because this post is getting long:

Poor Jud is Daid from Oklahoma!

Pretty Funny and Come Back from Dogfight

You Don’t Know from Next to Normal

Skid Row (Downtown) from Little Shop of Horrors

Another Room in Your Head and Sick to Death of Alice-ness from Alice by Heart

People from Funny Girl

Thoughts, people? Am I experiencing brainrot or am I on to something?

#probably both #but yeah this is really fun maybe I’ll make a playlist for musical theatre geek Jess #tried not to let my own biases show #but I did only go into the musicals I know and like myself so not sure how well that went #jess mariano #gilmore girls #musicals #gilmore girls headcanons #jess mariano headcanons #the potato rants #gilmore girls discourse #jess the musical theatre nerd tag

13 notes · View notes

azwriting · 4 years ago

Text

Starlight (Captain Rex x FemJedi!Reader) Part 1/4

A/N: So... I’m finally watching Clone Wars (I’m on season 6) and welp I fell in love with the clones. I know how the show ends because well (duh) and the internet. I came up with this idea and in attempt to cure writers block, here we are.

Summary: After the events of Order 66, Rex ventures out into the galaxy in search of the Jedi he cares deeply about and relives moments shared between the two.

Word Count: 1171

Warning(s): ANGST BABIES, spoilers(?), me making up republic cruisers and eventual planets

7567, 7567, 7567.

Rex kept repeating the numbers that had been assigned to him since birth. Numbers of a clone who was supposed to follow orders, numbers that now meant nothing. Their only purpose now was to serve as an arduous reminder of his true purpose, the sinful reason his brothers and him were created.

To bring the Republic crumbling down, to harm the ones they had grown close to.

His stomach twisted at the thought of how many had been lost on each side. How many of his brothers died because of the control taken away? And how many Jedi perished because they were caught on the wrong side of blasters clutched by men they trusted? Rex knew the answer and it only strengthened the sick feeling brewing inside.

With every second that seemed to pass, the despair in him grew more and more threatening to burst out at the seams. The very seams that had been meticulously stitched together to make him the soldier he was. The Captain of the 501st, he supposed that no longer held any significance either, was unraveling in fear. Fear that never arrived on the battlefield or any other life or death situations he faced. No this was the sinking feeling of horror and body trembling kind of fear that was reserved for only those he cared deeply about.

Although you never did drift too far from his mind, Rex’s heart involuntarily wrenched at the thought of you.

Was there any hope to be had? Any chance of survival? Or had you faced the same doomed fate of so many others? He knew the scene all too well. Surrounding blasters raised, hands lifted in defense as eyes broke with confusion and the dawning realization of betrayal. Pleas bleeding from lips as the order finally took control. Rex attempted to disregard the horrid image, he needed to have hope.

It was easier said than done.

7567. 7567.

His eyes flitted over to the young Togruta standing before the final resting place of so many of his brothers. The orange paint gleaming brightly in the sinking sun was just another cruel indication of the ignorance they all had possessed of the looming future. He turned away from the sight, clenching his jaw as he swallowed thickly.

Through the black smoke still pouring from the crashed ship, Rex could see the booth at 79’s. It was crammed full with his vods, drinks of all different vibrant shades scattered across the table. Blue painted armor was raised, hands beckoning him over with a lack of grace and bright inebriated smiles that were just as compelling. He could hear the shouts and laughter over the blaring music for their Captain to join them and Rex took a step forward ready to relinquish himself to the mirage. Hardcase, Tup, Kix, Echo, Jesse, Fives. His eyes drifted to each grinning man, each brother he had inadvertently failed. And just like that the image faded away, replaced with nothing but pain.

It was all too much to bear… Rex dropped his eyes choosing to hold his gaze onto the dirt below his boots. But the sight of the young woman, his Commander, arose once again allowing a small blossom of hope to bloom in his soul.

If the Commander had survived so could you.

Perhaps he had not failed you, yet.

Bitterness clung to his plastoid armor, attempting to crawl its way towards his heart and incapacitate him with the never ending what ifs. Each possibility raced behind his eyes, each one making his chest tighter and tighter, threatening to bring him crumbling to his knees. He could not bear to deal with the uncertainty any longer. He needed answers. Rex needed to know the truth.

The sound of crunching gravel beneath slow footsteps gained the Captain’s attention, weary eyes lifting up to focus on the concealed figure beside him. The faded cloak billowed out in the dry gusts of wind, revealing a part of the young Togruta’s fallen face. Her eyes were empty and cast down to her bare palms. Rex’s eyes could not help but flicker down to study the rough orange skin before him, searching for whatever seemed so consuming. His eyes did not find what hers did, not before her fingers abruptly curled inward and formed tight fists.

The silence between them was heavy and uncomfortable as the weight of reality enveloped them in the thickness of her dark veil, suffocating them with anguish.

“What now?” Ahsoka whispered, grief stricken eyes peering out from beneath her hood to lock onto his. Her voice was soft and hesitant unlike the past few hours and the thoughts swirling like a murky fog in his head. They had been rough and determined to destroy just as his thoughts attempted to do now. Rex exhaled sharply, returning to his full height.

“I’m going after the Dawnfire.”

He had yet to decide on a course of action, but the words left his mouth with such vigor it was clear it was the only choice he had. It was the only decision he could make. Every decision he made came back to you.

It was always you.

Ahsoka’s markings furrowed as she gazed up at him, confusion clearly displayed on her face. Why would he go after the renowned Republic cruiser that very likely was still crawling with the entire regiment of the 481st? Her mouth parted to question his sanity and whether or not he truly believed he could save all of those men, but the hollow yet frightfully concerned look the Captain wore made her blink in startling realization.

“Oh..” Was all she could muster at first. Ahsoka watched as Rex shamefully bowed his head knowing she knew the truth...It wasn’t because of his brothers.

“The General…” The young Jedi trailed off watching as the man before her shivered at her vague words.

Rex felt his body shutter at Ahsoka’s words, leaving his already strained muscles tired. His eyes averted her prying ones, shame seeping into his very being. The lie that formed on his tongue, the very dismal of the accusation embedded in her words was almost habitual. The words he swallowed were as familiar as the armor he wore. He wanted to cast aside her words and deny them with every fiber of his being, it’s what he had been doing for what felt like an eternity during this war, but it was no longer required. The rules that had been broken no longer existed, nor the consequences that you both would have faced or the superiors you both would have answered to. There was no Republic and there was no Jedi Order…

Rex’s eyes slowly rose back to Ahsoka giving her a slight nod. Her eyes seemed to soften and that alone made him instantly close his eyes, a trickle of warmth slipping down his cheek.

“Yes,” Rex whispered, “the General.”

#captain rex x reader #rex x reader #clone wars imagine #star wars imagine #star wars fanfiction #sw tcw #tcw

122 notes · View notes

omni-scient-ramblings · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 22 times in 2021

6 posts created (27%)

16 posts reblogged (73%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.7 posts.

I added 65 tags in 2021

#writing - 11 posts

#panda writes - 8 posts

#writeblr - 7 posts

#not writing - 7 posts

#fic - 6 posts

#my writing - 6 posts

#panda posts - 5 posts

#watcher - 5 posts

#and they were oarmates - 5 posts

#fan fic - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#also i will warn you that i am a notoriously slow writer so you may send in a request and i may not get to it for like six months

My Top Posts in 2021

Daily Writing Challenge - June 9th 2021

This was a terrible idea, Sarah thought to herself, sitting on the edge of the boat, seated next to Jesse.

~Cut to make the post shorter, click the link below for full story~

1 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 23:27:46 GMT

Hey! So uh, long time no post, at least not to this blog, so uhh, basically I need to practice writing BNHA stuff in preparation of a fantasy au fic I wanna start, so like if y'all wanna send stuff to my asks of like requests and whatnot, as long as it doesn't include spoilers for like the manga or season 5 of the anime or the third movie, I'll see what I can do

Also please make it an AU, idc what kind of AU just put your suggestions with an AU and make it SFW, as well, with like canon typical violence at most

Thanks!

3 notes • Posted 2021-09-22 02:07:36 GMT

Daily Writing Challenge - June 1st 2021

Her lungs felt like they were about to burst. All she had to do was get to the surface. If she could make it to the top then everything would be okay. When she had signed up for the scuba diving trip she'd expected to see some coral and some fish, a manta ray maybe, but that was all. Not... Whatever the heck this was. She wanted to glance behind her but she couldn't, looking back would cost her seconds she didn't have. She had to keep going, she had to keep swimming, just a little farther and she'd make it-

"AHHHHH," her words came out as an underwater garble of words as something - no, someone - grabbed her leg.

~Cut to make the post shorter, click the link below for full story~

6 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 21:33:08 GMT

Daily Writing Challenge - June 2nd 2021

Based off the Song Adventure Is Out There by AJR

Also a prequel to the short story I wrote yesterday... This is leading up to the day Sarah met Evan

Sarah sat on her bed, covers thrown over her head, intent on blocking out the world around her. Her hair was a mess and so was her room. Her joints ached from being curled up in one spot for so long and while she was tired of feeling this way, she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed and actually do something about it.

The world was terrible and cruel anyways, there was no reason for her to actually get up and do anything anyways. People would dump you for no reason and they’d break your heart through a text message without a second thought to how excited you were to celebrate your six month anniversary.

~Cut to make the post shorter, click the link below for full story~

7 notes • Posted 2021-06-03 00:09:03 GMT

Writing Master Post

So all my writing can be found in one place ;)

And They Were Oarmates

A series about the gay oars from Puppet History

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6 (Yell at me if this isn't posted by the end of November)

Epilogue/Part 7 (Yell at me if this isn't posted by the end of 2021)

Grishaverse Fics

Anything I've written about any of the characters in Leigh Bardugo's Grishaverse or the S&B Netflix Show

The Green Eyed Merchling

Tales of Arcadia Fics

Anything written for Trollhunters, 3 Below, Wizards, or Rise of the Titans

Alternative ROTT Ending

The Owl House Fics

You guessed it, any fic I've written for the Disney Channel Show: The Owl House

Hootlingo - Origins (Crackfic)

Writing-Prompt-s Stories

Includes anything I've written based off a prompt from the famous @/writing-prompt-s

Wrong Timeline

Poetic Ramblings

My edgy semi-vent poetic sounding ramblings, these are all okay to reblog btw

Second Place

Who Needs Friends

Writing Before Death

Empty

Written In The Stars

Do You Lie Awake At Night?

Daily Writing Challenges

Mostly challenges from my summer writing camp but maybe if I'm feeling productive I'll do some unprompted too

Tuesday, June 1st, 2021 - "What's Life Without Adventure?"

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021 - "Adventure Is Out There"

Wednesday, June 9th, 2022 - "Adventure Is Just A Little Ways Away"

9 notes • Posted 2021-04-16 01:57:08 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #not writing #i promise that i will write more in 2022 #there will be so many more original posts #or at least more than 6 #i swear it

2 notes · View notes

bottlesandcats · 4 years ago

Text

Pardon My 15x20 Rant

I woke up this morning with Thoughts, so time for a ranty post. Be prepared this is going to read more like word vomit than anything, but I just wanted to get my thoughts down on paper. No one may even read this bc I don’t have a lot of followers but it feels good to just get this off my chest and out into the Universe. Warning, there is a gratuitous use of caps.

So....I see so many fans on Twitter saying how beautiful and perfect that ending was and, I have to say, I’m truly bewildered by that.

Even if you aren’t a Destiel fan, I’m not sure how you could’ve found that ending to be remotely satisfying. See list of non Destiel-related reasons below (bc I’m trying to see this from the perspective of someone who isn’t in that part of the fandom):

1. The MOW was crap; wtf was with the Halloween masks? When have we ever seen that with vamps? The dumbest shit I’ve seen.

They trotted out some extra from season 1 like it’s supposed to be some fun little Easter egg. Why are we supposed to give a shit about her? I didn’t even remember her with the flashback. Who are you, again? NM, I DON’T CARE. It also honestly made no sense to feature a MOW episode after everything that just happened, it wasn’t necessary. It was clearly just a means to an end to get Dean killed.

2. They shoved some random family, for Sam, into the last ten minutes of the episode. Sam’s kid is named Dean? OF COURSE HE IS. And that whole father-son montage was so clunky and awkward, I would’ve been more convinced if you told me Sam actually just wandered into some anonymous woman’s backyard and started playing ball with her kid.

We’ve seen how emotionally invested Sam gets in his relationships and we’ve had such beautiful moments: Sam/Jess, Sam/Madison, (even Sam/Ruby), and of course Sam/Eileen. And now we are supposed to care about Anonymous Brunette Woman #4? GTFO. I’ve seen some people saying they couldn’t get Shoshanna bc of COVID, but give us something to indicate it was Eileen. Have Sam sign something to her from across the yard; IT’S THAT SIMPLE. But no, not one single mention of her in either 19 or 20, after Sam nearly broke when he lost her in 18.

I couldn’t even feel happy for him bc I had 0 emotional investment in this life of his. And it was all just rushed through so we could get to the “good part” where Sam dies and is reunited with Dean in Heaven.

Also small note, what happened to Dean’s dog???

3. The wardrobe department really needs to reconsider some of their life choices. I’ve seen tufts of cat hair in the corners of my house that would’ve made a better wig than that rag they threw on Jared’s head. It was so ridiculous, I started thinking this was going to wind up being some big gag like The Mystery Spot” and The Trickster was going to pop out.

And why did Jim Beaver’s beard look like they spray-painted cotton balls brown and glued them to his face? It was honestly distracting.

4. After 15 years, and FINALLY achieving freedom and happiness, Dean gets taken down by a rebar and a Vamp-mime. The only way I could justify this to myself was that, now that they are no longer God’s puppets he’s not bending the rules for them and they don’t have that death-defying luck on their side now. But even that is weak. After all his fighting, sacrificing, and wanting nothing more than to chill on a beach with Sam and Cas, this is what he gets. This was a show about defying destiny, THAT WAS THE WHOLE PLOT OF S15.

Dean always said he figured it was his destiny to die bloody, and that’s exactly why he shouldn’t have gone out this way. STORY ARC, WHAT’S THAT? Cas told Dean, when he first met him, that good things do happen. So basically, the only way Dean could get his happiness was to die? What a heart-warming message.

5. Dean’s lack of emotion over the loss of Cas was the most OOC I think I’ve ever seen from him. Dean DOES NOT accept the deaths of those he loves in any way. He does not cope, he does not move on, he does not happily eat a bunch of pie. We’ve seen how Dean has handled Cas’s death in the past. It’s...not good, and it only became more unhealthy as the show progressed, with the last time (before 18) having Dean literally killing himself. Even in 15x19, we still got that desperate heartache from him with Dean demanding that Chuck bring Cas back. We also saw him sleeping amongst a pile of empty liquor bottles, which is very on-character for him. But in 15x20, he’s the one telling Sam they need to move on and keep living (oops) over a giant tray of pie slices at a county fair. Even Sam feels off. One minute he’s all “I’m sad about Cas and Jack” and the next he’s putting a pie in Dean’s face and is like “I feel better now!” You’ve got a direct in with God!Jack now, and we know from 15x19 that God can pull beings out of The Empty bc he did it with Lucifer! THAT WAS YOUR IN, YOU IDIOTS. You ask Chuck to bring back Cas, but not the one to whom he was a father to?????????

6. Even if you weren’t a Destiel shipper, you should still be disappointed in the noticeable absence of Castiel, especially since he was left with such a cliffhanger of character development and was mentioned multiple times in episodes 19 and 20. He was a pivotal part of the show for 11 years. Even if you take out the Destiel stuff, the boys have called him their brother numerous times. Dean’s call him his best friend. Wouldn’t his ideal Heaven have his best friend in it?

7. I’m not going to rail on the scene between the brothers while Dean is dying. I didn’t really get Wincest vibes from it, though I never put much stock into that side of the fandom anyway. My one issue is this was the “love confession” moment they gave us. Dean dying in a barn and telling Sam he loves his baby brother. *SNORE*

8. The big reunion moment we were hoping for? They wasted it on Dean’s car. A FUCKING CAR. Yes, I get the Impala is important to the story, but come the fuck on. NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS. MUCH BRO.

All-in-all the whole ending felt like 1 step forward, and 15 years back. After all the character development and story arcs, it’s like they just threw it all out the window. Nothing changed. Everyone was back to where they started: Cas working for God, Dean being a good soldier and dying bloody doing the only thing he knows how to do, Sam being left to pick up the pieces with some distorted version of an apple pie life where he was basically just living to die so he could be with Dean again. I felt like the lesson was that the only way you get what you want is to die. It was gross. It was a disservice to the actors, the characters, and the fans. I can’t begin to even see this as fan-service bc I’d love to know who the TPTB thought they were serving with this garbage. And honestly, I don’t think they knew either. I feel like they were so worried about pissing off all the different subsets of the fandom that they went as safe as they could. *slow claps* Way to go, guys, really groundbreaking stuff.

At the end of the day though, it’s my fault for being disappointed. I shouldn’t have expected so much of a show that had mostly cis white men working behind the scenes. A show that’s killed almost every female character who stepped up to the plate (also, POC anyone? Nahhh). A show that took their one real LGBTQ character (also female), killed her and left her body in a bathtub (FRIDGING IS FUN) for absolutely no good reason. A show that, at the end of the day, is just a show about a couple bros who kill monsters, on the CW, and the CW is hardly the go-to place for real boundary-pushing content. A show that has managed to drop the ball at almost every opportunity though we, as a fandom, have continued to lower the bar for them.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 100 times?

So with all that being said...

Peace out bitches.

#spn finale reaction #meta i guess?#spn spoilers #15x20 #word vomit #supernatural #long post #dean wincherster #sam winchester #castiel

11 notes · View notes