#he's so unintentionally funny like he's so freaking serious And then he says things with incredible implications | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xbaepsae · 4 years ago

Text

it’s complicated (m)

“You are long past the point of no return. The rational part of you is screaming that this is a terrible idea, that this is bound to ruin your friendship with Tae. But you can’t find it in yourself to really care. You want him, so badly you are about to burst.”

[taehyung x reader]

genre: friends with benefits!au, eventual friends to lovers!au, a lot of angst, smut

word count: 14.4k

rating: mature

warnings: loss of virginity, toxic relationship, confused/frustrated characters, unprotected sex (10/10 don’t recommend), oral, creampie, language, mentions of alcohol

a/n: this is a reupload! i honestly wasn’t going to post this fic again, because i have so many other new ideas i want to write about, but i reread this the other day and it’s actually so good?? lol. i wrote it so long ago, but wowowow i still felt the angst in my soul. also, fyi, like all of my reuploads, i’ve changed a few things (not the overall plot tho). xoxo

It all began in tenth grade English class.

At first, Kim Taehyung seems any other kid in your class—perhaps, a little loud at times but still just a boy. But that was just until you were partnered with him on a project. Least to say, you two became fast friends once you realized how funny the guy was. He could bring a smile to your face no matter the circumstances.

This friendship between you two blossomed quickly; but soon, there’s a slight shift in the air around you both.

“Y/n,” Taehyung says your name, sprawled on your bed with you.

It’s summertime, which means days seem to drag on and on. This also means that you two have nothing better to do, choosing to lazily lounge around each other’s houses. Your parents are never home anyway since they worked, so having Tae’s company is always greatly appreciated.

But despite the lackluster summer, school starts in a few weeks and the thought is bittersweet. You are happy to be occupied again, but also sad since going back to school means you no longer get to spend so much time with Taehyung. Although you both became close at school, that doesn’t mean you’ll always get to be around each other there.

“What?” you ask, turning to look at him.

“So, this might sound a little weird…but…” he trails off. “Fuck. I can’t; it’s too weird.”

You turn so you’re lying on your side, “What is it, Tae? We’re friends, right? You can tell me anything.”

Taehyung glances at you, clearly struggling with himself.

“I-I…can I kiss you?” he asks the question so fast you think maybe you just imagined it. But when you notice that his face is beat red, you realize that you did hear him right. This causes you to flush as well, a weird sensation beginning to bubble through your body.

“Where is this coming from?” you manage to ask him.

“I don’t know,” Tae admits with a shrug.

You find yourself shifting awkwardly on the bed as silence starts to fill the room. What are you supposed to say? Taehyung is your friend; you enjoy being around him and he makes you smile. But he wants to kiss you…what is that even supposed to mean?

“You know what?” he suddenly breaks the ice. “Forget I even said—”

“Okay,” you cut him off fast, not even fully registering what you say.

Taehyung snaps his head to you, mouth dropping, “What?”

“I said okay—you, I mean, we can kiss.”

You say all of this relatively calm, despite the fact that you feel like your whole body is on fire. Tae stares into your eyes, seemingly searching for something. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” you gulp nervously. “I mean, this is just for fun, right?”

Something passes over Taehyung’s eyes, but you don’t catch it fast enough. The emotion fades away and you can only assume it didn’t mean anything.

“Yeah…fun,” he says, licking his bottom lip.

Unintentionally, your eyes travel down to his plump lips and you can’t seem to look away. Has he always had such nice lips? You find yourself asking all these questions that you don’t even notice how close Tae has gotten to you, merely inches away. His breath gently fans across your face and the reality of the situation hits you. This is going to be your first kiss…ever. And to say you are freaking out would be an understatement. It’s not that you so much oppose the idea of kissing, you just haven’t met the right guy.

Looking into the eyes of your friend, you feel warmth flood your cheeks. “Tae…”

He blinks, “Yes?”

“Have you ever kissed someone?” The question rolls off your tongue.

Instead of answering your question, Tae does something else you don’t expect. Of course, you know it was going to happen eventually, but the action simultaneously takes your breath away and surprises you.

He kisses you.

Your eyes close on their own accord, reveling at how soft his lips are as they cover yours. A part of you almost can’t believe that you’re kissing him—Kim Taehyung; your friend, the boy you do everything with. What’s most unbelievable is that you actually like kissing him.

As the kiss becomes deeper, you feel yourself being pushed against the bed; Tae’s body covering half your own. You open your mouth a little wider, letting his tongue press against your own. His hands are now on each side of your body, slightly tangled in your hair. After a while you pull away, gasping for air.

“Oh my god,” you mutter breathlessly, blowing some air out of your mouth.

Taehyung is still above you.; and when you look into his eyes, you almost jerk away. “Y/n…”

“Hmm?” you ask, shy all of the sudden.

And then it hits you—he probably thinks your unexperienced ass is a bad kisser. This thought makes you feel like a total fool. It’s just flat out embarrassing because you surprisingly liked kissing him and he thought you—

“Can I kiss you again?”

You almost fall off your bed. “What?”

He lowers his head until his hair brushes your face, “I’d like to kiss you again…”

At his words, you can feel your whole body flush from a mixture of relief, excitement, and embarrassment.

“So…I’m not a bad kisser?” you find yourself asking.

Tae snaps his gaze to you, “What would you think that?”

“I-I,” you feel your ears getting hot, “I don’t know. I just thought that since…you know…I’ve never kissed someone, I probably sucked.”

Before you can explain yourself some more, he captures your lips again—effectively silencing you. This kiss is a lot quicker than the first one, but it leaves you just as dizzy and at a loss for words.

“You’re great,” he says, a cheeky smile gracing his face. You can’t help but return the smile since his is just so contagious.

The rest of this day is spent with more so-called just-for-fun kisses. The highly rational part of you claims that this is all normal—that making out with your friend is completely fine; but the emotional part of you knows that everything will never be the same—that making out with your friend is sure to have its consequences.

***

When school starts again, you almost forget about Taehyung’s kisses.

The keyword is: almost.

In your busy school schedule, you manage to somehow snag a free period. It’s a godsend, especially since you needed a study hall period to balance all the homework you had. Since it was a free period, you can spend the hour anywhere in the school. And you end up choosing one of the back corners of the library where the reference books are.

No one ever comes to this part of the library anyway, except for the librarian but that was rare. So, it’s nice and quiet. You spend the first few days of study hall doing what study hall is supposed to be used for—studying and completing homework. But as the end of the first week rolls around, you discover that study hall might not be so quiet anymore.

This particular day of study hall starts off normal. You arrive at the library, which is pretty much empty except for a few scattered students here and there, and make your way to the corner you’ve pretty much claimed as your own. When you reach that part of the library, you set your things down and pull out your homework. Just as you start the fifth problem on your calculus worksheet, someone suddenly covers your eyes.

You let out a scream, but it’s muted by a hand. You begin to furiously kick and you turn around, prepared to fight. And just as you bring your hands up, your eyes regain their sight and you see who is responsible for the unexpected attack.

“Taehyung!” you scream, and he covers your mouth again.

“Be quiet, y/n!” he reprimands. “Don’t you know this is a library?”

With his hand still over half your face, you roll your eyes. When he finally removes his hand, you roughly shove the boy. “What the fuck, Tae?!”

“What?” he asks rather innocently.

“What?” you mock. “Why did you have to do that? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

He just shrugs and takes a seat beside you, “I just wanted to surprise you, that’s all.”

You return your attention back to your worksheet, ignoring him. You manage do a few more problems before Tae speaks again. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?”

You don’t even look up. “I honestly don’t care.”

“I mean, are you not the least bit curious as to why I’m not in class right now?”

“No, I don’t care why you’re not—” you snap your head up. Holy shit. “Why aren’t you in chemistry?”

The moment you two received your schedules, you compared classes. Unfortunately, you both wouldn’t share any classes together until after winter break. And while you had your free period, Taehyung was supposed to be in chemistry…so, why is he here in the library?

When he doesn’t respond, you freak out a bit, “Oh my god, Tae! Why are you skipping class? Your teacher is going to be so—”

Taehyung interrupts you by suddenly placing a chaste kiss in your lips. You’re struck speechless for a moment, completely caught off guard.

“I switched my class,” he says with a smile.

“Why did you do that?”

“So I could do this for a whole hour,” he says, then places another kiss on your lips.

You laugh at his words, “You know we can’t actually do that, right? I really need this study hall to do homework.”

He absentmindedly waves his hand, “Yeah, yeah—you can do that too, I guess.”

“Are you serious though? You really changed your class just to come here and make out with me?” As you ask your questions, you are just teasing him. But at the same time, a smidge of you feels a bit dejected if all he wants to do is kiss you.

Not that you didn’t like kissing Taehyung, because all the kissing you two had been doing is great, but it made your relationship seem superficial if that was the only reason.

“Of course not,” he assures you. “I also really just want to spend time with you too. To go from spending every day together to practically not seeing each other is weird.”

“Agreed,” you smile. “How did you find me anyway?”

It was a logical question. Although Tae did know before that you had study hall, you never told him where exactly you spent your days.

“I just followed you from your last class,” he says like it’s nothing, but your eyes widen.

Another what the fuck leaves your mouth as you stare at your friend, “You’ve been in here the whole time?”

“I mean, I had to find where you were somehow,” he tells you. “By the way, you walk so damn fast.”

You roll your eyes at the boy, not understanding him at all. Even though he had unconventional ways of doing things, in the end, he still made you smile. For the rest of the hour, you somehow find the time to finish your math worksheet in-between the kisses that Taehyung keeps giving you. When the bell rings, signaling the end of the hour, you begin to back up your things.

“Where you headed to now?”

You look at Tae and tell him where, even though he knows the answer already, “English. You?”

Health. “Health.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy that…”

“The teacher isn’t that bad,” he smiles as you give him a look.

“He’s terrible,” you say. “End of discussion.”

Taehyung picks up his bag, smile still ever present, “Just because you didn’t make an A—”

“End of discussion.”

You sling you backpack around your back and begin to walk away. But before you can even get far, something pulls you back. You land right onto Taehyung’s chest; being this close to him, you can feel the slight muscle definition under his flimsy uniform and warmth pools in your chest.

“What?” you ask, turning around.

“Have a good rest of your day,” he says. “See you here tomorrow?”

Nodding, you open your mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by Tae’s kiss that he gives before dashing away. He leaves you alone scattered brain and at a loss for words.

“…See you,” you say once your brain can finally function again. “Tomorrow.”

***

Afternoons spent in the library become something you look forward to everyday.

Even though it’s only an hour, it’s an hour you cherish with Taehyung. Some days, all you do is homework—completely ignoring the poor boy who simply wanted your attention; and other days, you two talk and talk and talk about anything and everything. There is never a dull, quiet moment between you two. There is always something to be shared; to be told.

Because of this, your admiration for the boy grows more and more each day.

You are captivated by the stories he tells you in that vacant part of the library. From the way his animated eyes light up to the wide curve of his boxy grin, an hour never feels long enough. As he tells you his stories, all you can do is stare and smile. You’ve only known Taehyung for a few months, but it feels like you two have been friends forever.

…Friends who kiss, a little voice in your head always likes to remind you.

Kissing. You two are doing that quite a lot now. Every chance he has, he plants his lips on to yours. The action makes you swoon and confused all at the same time. You just don’t get it. It’s not that you don’t enjoy all the kissing, but it’s confusing. Does Taehyung like you? Or does he not? And it’s that you want to be with him, as his girlfriend…though perhaps a small part of you does, but you want him to be clear about his relationship with you.

And that clarification never comes.

Tae continues with the kisses, and you just learn to accept the fact that maybe your friend just likes to kiss you. It get to the point where you no longer even question or become surprised when the action appears out of nowhere.

But little do you know that this is just the beginning of something tragic.

***

In the blink of an eye, the fall semester ends.

You and Taehyung rejoice as you both finish it rather decently; getting good marks in all of your classes. Celebrations are in the making, but a spontaneous trip from your parents brings all plans to a halt.

“You’re going where?” Taehyung asks you, eyes wide and mouth parted.

“To spend the holidays with my aunt who lives in the States,” you repeat, not able to look him in the eyes.

You two have been laying in his bed playing video games, until you dropped the bomb on him. And it’s not like you’ve known about the trip for a while, you just found out from your parents yesterday. Honestly, you hadn’t planned to do much during break. If anything, you just wanted to spend time with Tae and catch up on sleep. But then your parents surprised you, and you couldn’t say no.

“B-But…that’s an entire ocean away.”

You look at the boy who has easily become your best friend, “I know—and it’s not like I really want to go, but I haven’t seen my aunt in a while. Plus, my parents already bought me the ticket and—”

“It’s okay,” he cuts your explanation off, a strained smile encasing his face. “You enjoy visiting your aunt.”

“Tae…” you know he’s probably really mad.

He only shakes his head “No, really, it’s not like we didn’t already makes plans to hang out or anything.”

“Taehyung,” now you find yourself getting mad. “Stop.”

“I’m just bummed, y/n. What am I supposed to do during break now?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. Go to a party, get drunk, and maybe kiss a few girls.”

As you say the last part, your heart starts hammering in your chest. You don’t even know why you said it at all since you can’t even begin to imagine it happening. Just the thought of another girl kissing Tae makes you green with jealously. But you know you don’t even have the right to feel such things; you aren’t his keeper.

You wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I was joking,” you attempt to laugh, but it sounds forced. “But really—have fun. You don’t need me for that.”

And that’s when he gives you a look that nearly paralyzes you. His gaze is filled with so many emotions you can’t decipher, and it travels down to your core. He stares at you for so long you feel your blood pressure start to spike.

“I guess,” he says in a lower voice. You don’t know what else to say, so silence begins pooling in his room. It becomes too much to handle so you get off the bed.

“I should go,” you say, awkwardly getting your things. “I still have to pack.”

“Are you leaving tomorrow?” Taehyung doesn’t even look at you; instead, he stares at the ceiling.

You’re about to nod, but then catch yourself. “Yeah, I am.”

“When do you get back?”

Hesitation gnaws at your lips, “The day before school starts again.”

You search your friends face for a sign—any sign—but he’s completely passive. A sigh leaves you lips as you back out of his room. When you reach the door, you stop and brace yourself against it.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize for reasons you don’t even really understand. But Tae is still in the same position and doesn’t even glance your way. You sigh again before muttering a soft goodbye and leaving.

The entire time you’re away, you don’t get a single message or phone call from him.

It wouldn’t have affected you so much if you knew why. Obviously, Taehyung is mad at you, but you didn’t know the reason. And the boy has never been angry at you before; so you don’t know how to deal or how to make it better.

Even though you don’t know why he hasn’t tried to contact you, it doesn’t stop you. When you landed in the States, you texted him. On Christmas Eve, you called three times. On Christmas day, you called and left a ridiculously long voicemail—along with a few extra texts as well. Despite these efforts, you get nothing; you don’t even know if he’s reading these texts because he doesn’t have his read receipts on.

So, a few days before New Year’s, you decide to go home early. You don’t want to end the year on a bad note with Tae, and you also don’t want to start the year off not speaking. Somehow, you manage to get back the afternoon of New Year’s Eve. And the second you get home, you go to his house.

Knocking on the front door like a maniac, you pray that he hadn’t taken your advice and decided just to lounge around his house over break. Your heart is beating erratically as his mom answers the door.

“Oh, hi y/n,” she greets you with a warm smile. “How was your trip?”

“Hey, Mrs. Kim; it was good. Is Taehyung home?” you cut right to the chase.

But disappointment begins to fill you when her smile falters, “I’m sorry, y/n; he’s actually hasn’t been home all day.”

You nearly fall to the ground at her words. “What? Do you know where he is?”

“I’ve tried calling him, but he hasn’t answered. I guess he didn’t know you were coming home?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t supposed to be home for another few days,” you admit, and his mother nods. “I-I just couldn’t…I mean…I just…I missed him.” Saying the words out loud brings a weight off your shoulders, but also makes your chest ache.

“He’s missed you too,” she says, smiling again. “He’s been sulking around the house this entire month—I think today’s the first day he’s been out.” They do say that mothers know best, so knowing that Taehyung missed you makes your heart soar high.

“Do you have any idea where he might be?” desperation laces your words.

Mrs. Kim shakes her head, “He has old friends, but I don’t think he’s talked to them since meeting you.”

Why is this so difficult? You continue your conversation with his mom to think about the boy’s whereabouts, but soon realize how late it’s gotten. You figure that you should probably just go home. So, feeling a bit defeated, you wish his mom a Happy New Year and walk back to your house.

On the way there, you run through various places he might be. You try to think back to before you left—to the plans you two made together. Did he mention anything in particular that he wanted to do? You replay old conversations and then it suddenly hits you like a freight truck. Quickly, you whip out your phone and call Yoon, one of your childhood friends.

After three rings, she picks up, “Hello? Y/n…?”

“Hey…” you trail off.

On the other end, you can hear a heavy bass thumping, “Well, I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

You tell her that you can’t hear anything she’s saying, so she moves somewhere quieter and repeats her words. You can’t help but roll your eyes at her petty tone. “Like you even have time for me. You and your boyfriend are always—”

“So, what’s up?” she cuts you off and you laugh a bit.

“Where are you?”

“At a party at Jay’s house, why?”

Bingo. “Thanks, that’s all I needed to know.”

“Woah,” you hear her say, “is little miss goody-two-shoes going to make an appearance?”

“We’ll see,” you tell her.

After hanging up, you run the rest of the way home. The party Yoon was at was hosted by the one and only Jay. He’s a senior at your school and notorious for his parties. They are the best, but exclusive to upper-classmen—juniors and seniors only. Everyone couldn’t wait until they were promoted to those grades.

The one thing you remember Tae saying was that he wanted to attend one this year—that’s where he has to be tonight.

***

As you walk up the steps to Jay’s elaborate mansion, it was beyond huge, you feel your nerves twist up in a bundle. You figured that since this is a party, albeit a New Year’s Eve party, you should probably look somewhat nice—just so you kind of blend in. You opt for a black dress that hugs whatever curves you do have and your basic strappy heels. Hopefully no one’s going to question you.

When you reach the door, you’re surprised to find that it opens easily. Walking in, you’re blown away by the sheer amount of people. You thought that since the house is so big, there would be room inside. Wrong. People are packed wall-to-wall.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, you see Yoon standing not too far from you. Relief fills you at the sight of a familiar face. You call out her name and she, thankfully, hears, turning around to your direction.

“Y/n!” she exclaims, running up to you. “You look sexy!”

You feel a blush creep onto your face, “Thanks?”

“Who you dressing up for?”

“I’m just trying to blend in,” you say, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face. “But can you help me find someone?”

“So, there is someone,” she wiggles her brows. “Who?”

“Taehyung,” you say his name all too fast.

“As in Kim Taehyung?” Yoon raises a brow. “Is he that guy you’ve been hanging out with?”

“What other Taehyung is there? Have you seen him? I think he’s supposed to be here. God I hope—”

Yoon places a hand over your mouth, “Clam down, tiger. I’ll ask one of Jay’s friends—they know everybody.”

You watch as she walks away from you and to a guy a few feet away. She whispers something in his ear and he nods, whispering something back. Yoon seems pleased with the answer and comes back to you.

“So?” you ask impatiently.

“They say he’s here,” you immediately brighten up, feeling like a genius for guessing his location right, “but they don’t know where exactly he is.”

Your eyes automatically begin searching the room, “That’s okay; I’ll find him. Thanks again Yoon.”

Before Yoon can say anything else, you’re lost in the crowd of sweaty people. As you walk through the crowd, your eyes desperately search for his. This is going to be impossible—there are so many people here. You walk through the numerous living areas and even the kitchen, but there’s no sign of Tae anywhere.

After a while, you check the time and see that it was an hour until midnight; an hour till the start of the New Year. And you’re on the verge of going back home. The feeling of jet lag is starting to weigh you down as the adrenaline begins to drain away. The flight back home was long, and you couldn’t really sleep due to the anticipation of everything that awaited you here.

You are now walking down some hallway, the music of the party booming behind you. The sense of direction’s completely loss to you—you have no idea where you were. But just as you’re about to reach the end of the hall, someone comes up behind you.

They grab ahold of your body and drag you into an open room. You scream, kicking your attacker. You try to fight the person, but they’re no match for your puny self. On the verge of tears, you’re about the give up when the person finally speaks, “Y/n…”

You freeze. You would know that voice anywhere. “Tae?”

The attacker lets you go and you slowly turn around, shocked to see the face of your friend. But the shock soon fades into something strange when you take in his appearance—the boy actually looks nice. His hair is disheveled in that messy, but put together, way and his clothes sexily cling against him. You feel your mouth drop open, but you pick it up just as quickly as it falls.

Suddenly, you push him, and he stumbles, “What the hell?”

“Why do you always feel the need to sneak up on me? Asshole,” you cross your arms.

He cracks a smile, “You’re just fun to mess with.”

“It’s not fun for me, you jerk. I was seriously freaked out.”

Taehyung softens at your words, “I’m sorry; I just wanted to surprise you.”

And that’s when you remember why you’re even here at all. You suddenly feel awkward, not knowing where to look.

“Why…why didn’t you return any of my calls?” you ask him, staring at the floor. “I mean, I know you’re mad. But you couldn’t text me back?”

You sneak a look at him, and find that he’s staring intently at you.

“And like, I don’t even know why you’re mad at me. What did I do wrong? Was it because I went away? Or was it something I did? I just—”

Tae cuts you off with a kiss that causes you to nearly trip on your own feet. The kiss is intense and you feel him back you against the wall, encasing your body with his. You haven’t kissed him in nearly a month; you’ve forgotten how it feels like, how alive he makes you feel.

His hands begin traveling up your body, each touch igniting a fire inside of you. He stops when he reaches your face, his long fingers roughly cupping your cheeks. You bring your own hands to tangle in his hair and gently tug him closer to you. His starts to rub little circles on your cheeks, while simultaneously prodding your mouth further open. You oblige and feel his tongue massaging yours.

Suddenly, you let out a moan as Tae presses his body right onto yours. Despite the layers of clothing between the two of you, you can still feel the body heat coming off of him. At your moan, he freezes for a moment before kissing you back with much more force. He pulls the two of you away from the wall and you both fall onto a bed.

The dress you’re wearing begins to ride up, but you don’t care at all; you just want to be closer to him, needing to be closer to him. You pull away from his lips to breathe and he takes that opportunity to latch his lips onto your jaw, slowly moving down your neck. Another moan leaves your lips and you try to think, but your mind is complete mush right now.

All you can do is lay there as Tae begins to suck on your neck. Although you two had kissed multiple times before, things have never gone this far.

“Tae…” you say a bit breathlessly, his finger now pushing the straps of your dress down. He mutters something incoherent, mouth on the swells of your breast. “What are we doing?”

He stops, raising his head, “I’m worshiping your body, what else?”

You redden as his comment.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, a brow raised. When you simply shake your head, his lips travel back to your chest.

Without even realizing it, you start to move your hips against his. A pleasurable pressure starts building up and you whimper at the feeling. Taehyung stop his assault on your skin, eyes now looking into yours. As he stares at you, his fingers play with the zipper on the side of your dress.

“This dress is awfully pretty on you,” he licks his lips. “But I think it’ll look prettier on the floor, don’t you think?”

And faster than you can even comprehend his words, the dress is unzipped from your body and you’re left half-naked in your underwear. Impulse kicks in and you try to cover your body at the sudden lack of coverage. But Tae takes your arms, pinning them above your head.

“So beautiful,” he muses, eyes darkening.

You writhe underneath him, not liking the fact that you’re nearly naked while he’s still completely clothed. When you tell him this fact, he releases your arms and begins to unbutton his shirt. You can’t help but stare at his golden skin and his broad shoulders. He reaches for the waistband of his pants, unbuttons it, and then tugs the fabric down his legs.

Tae smirks at your obvious staring and leans down to kiss you again. The rest of your clothing, or whatever was left, comes off and you’re both left completely exposed to each other. Now without all the clothes between you two, you can feel every ridge of his body and desire threatens to burst out of your body.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks you again, resting his forehead against yours.

You shake your head, “No.”

“Are you sure?” his eyes search your face. “Because if we start, I-I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

Grabbing his face between your hands, you kiss him, “I’m sure.”

You are long past the point of no return. The rational part of you is screaming that this is a terrible idea, that this is bound to ruin your friendship with Tae. But you can’t find it in yourself to really care. You want him, so badly you are about to burst.

Even though you assure Tae that you want this, he still hesitates above you. As he rolls a condom on, you lightly kiss his jaw and tell him that you’re okay. But although you say this, you feel your body tense as he nears your entrance. This is your first time after all, and you realize Taehyung is becoming a lot of your firsts. When he finally enters you, you scrunch up your face from the initial discomfort. “Ow.”

“Shit,” you hear Tae mutter, stopping halfway.

“It’s okay,” you bite your bottom lip. “Keep going.”

He pushes the rest of the way, “You’re so fucking tight.”

You still feel a sense of discomfort, especially since Tae’s large size fills you up to the brim. Despite this, you tell him to keep moving in hopes that maybe the awkwardness will fade into something better. And a few thrusts in, it does feel better—a lot better.

Tae’s pace is still rather slow, but the pleasure starts to build up and he drops his head into the crook of your shoulder. You moan for him to go faster but he doesn’t, probably due to the fear of hurting you.

So you tighten your legs around him, “Tae—harder, faster.”

Something in him snaps and his thrust become shorter, but quicker. The force causes your eyes to roll back and you cry out at how good it feels, “Fuck.”

He groans your name, one hand roughly digging into your hips. It all feels so good, and you’re surprised by how vocal you are—a moan always seems to be leaving your mouth. But you don’t care at all if anyone hears. You continue to moan as you feel your peak building. Sweat rolls down both of your backs, and you can feel Tae’s thrusts getting sloppy.

“Ohmygod,” you say in a single breath. “I’m gonna—”

And just as you’re about to say the words, waves of ecstasy crash down on you. You cry out Taehyung’s name, the feeling completely indescribable. He continues to ride out your high before reaching his own. After he releases, he falls on top of you and presses a gentle kiss on your neck. You both don’t say anything for a few moments, still trying to catch your breaths.

“Are you okay?” Tae is the first to speak. He mumbles this question into your neck.

You nod your head, “Yeah…are you?”

“I’m…good. Better than good, actually,” he raises his head, smiling. “You’re beautiful, y/n.”

You blush at his words, not knowing how to respond.

“But, you are quite loud though,” he says. “I’m sure the entire house heard us.”

He laughs and you push him away, forgetting that he’s still inside of you. You both moan from the loss of contact, feeling sort of empty now. Once he’s away from you, you remember just how naked you are and rush to pull the blankets over your body. But you wince a few times due to the soreness you feel.

“What are you doing?”

“Covering myself,” you say once the sheets are pulled all the way up to your chin.

“I just saw you completely naked though,” Tae laughs.

You raise a brow, “And?”

“And?” he repeats. “And you shouldn’t have to cover yourself.”

“Let me live, Tae.”

“Why’d you come back early?” his sudden question throws you off a bit.

You look at him, seeing genuine curiosity in his eyes, “I just wanted to see you.”

“Really?” he looks shocked.

“Yeah,” you feel embarrassed now. “I just…didn’t want to end the year on the bad note or start the year off with you hating me.”

His gaze softens, “I don’t hate you. I was just frustrated. You’re my best friend, and you leaving felt like you were betraying me.”

“Stupid,” you say.

“Okay, so maybe I was,” he rolls his eyes. “But speaking of the New Year…”

He searches for something amongst the clothing items scattered on the floor. You have to force yourself not to look at him as he bends down to put his clothes back on. As he looks for whatever he’s looking for, you search for your own clothes and do the same. Once he jumps back on the bed, his phone is in his hand. He presses the home button and smiles.

“It’s 11:59; make a wish!” he says and you quickly shut your eyes. But before you can even fully think of something, he crashes you into a hug, planting a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Happy New Year, y/n!”

You smile, “Happy New Year, Kim Taehyung.”

“Thanks for being the best. Forgive for being an ass and not calling back,” he says, still hugging you tightly. “Friends still?”

“The best of friends,” you’re still smiling, but it’s forced. You feel your face tremble, your hands shaking a bit as you cling onto him. A sudden, lone tears falls down your face.

Best friends. Just friends.

As you utter the words in your head, your heart sinks deeper and deeper.

***

As the years roll by, you’ve come to terms that the relationship you have with Tae has morphed into a friends with benefits ordeal. It’s that kind of situation because no one knows what you two are doing—no one but you and Tae. Everyone continued to believe that you both were just best friends, but behind closed doors you two were fucking. A lot.

At first, you were hesitant to accept that this was to be your reality. You didn’t want to be a friend that he fucked; you wanted to be more or nothing at all. But you couldn’t lose the boy; he was a part of your life and you needed him. And it just so happened to be via this relationship.

But that’s not the only thing.

Since you two weren’t exclusive, and no one knew, it meant you technically could date other people—which you guys did. Initially, you were green with envy. You didn’t like the idea that he was being intimate with other girls who weren’t you. But you realize it was foolish to think that since you were doing the same thing.

During senior year, you dated someone just because you felt obligated to. Also, Tae was in a relationship as well so you needed the distraction. You were intimate with the guy, but he wasn’t Tae. And you hated yourself for thinking that.

You also hated yourself even more for always caving into Kim Taehyung. No matter the situation, you could never say no to him. You ended up having to break up with that particular boyfriend of yours since you cheated on him one too many times.

When it was time to go to college, it was the only logical choice for you both to attend the same school. You needed Taehyung just as much as you needed air to breath. The application period was nerve-wracking because you were scared that you two wouldn’t get into the same schools. But by some miracle, you did.

College was honestly a blur. Because of your friendship with Tae, it was hard to stay in relationships with other guys. You tried to date other people but it never felt the same. No one else knew your body as well as Tae. He knew exactly what you liked, and exactly how to do it.

It was frustrating.

There were many times you wanted it to end, but Taehyung would just show up right back at your door and your selfish self let him right back in. It was a never-ending cycle. And in all honesty, it was a toxic relationship. No one should be so caught up with someone they weren’t dating, and yet here you two were—a terrible exception.

You were always terrified that people would find out about you and Tae’s secret, especially your parents. What would they even say? As much as they loved Tae, you were sure that they would be disappointed. They would be probably be most unhappy about the fact that you ruined so many potentially great relationships over a boy who didn’t even love you.

At least, not in the way you deserved to be loved.

“Do you love me?” you randomly asked one day.

Perhaps it was the sexual high that messed with your brain, but you’re not sure why you decided to ask him the big question. Tae was still breathing hard beside you, recovering from the sex you two just had.

“Of course,” he breathed out, “you’re my best friend.”

You heart sank a little, “So, like, that friend-love then?”

“Why are you even asking?” he turned to the side, facing you.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Just curious, I guess.”

But you did know. Despite it all being no-strings-attached, you started to feel a little too attached.

You weren’t sure when it occurred, but you suddenly started noticing the little things. Even though you had known Tae for years, you never realized how fond you were of everything he did. Of all the people in the world, you didn’t understand why it had to be him. He didn’t love you beyond a friend, and he probably would never feel anything more for you. So, why did you continue to let him fuck your brains out? You didn’t have an answer to that.

After college, you tried to stop seeing Tae all together, but the boy was so damn persistent. He just didn’t know how to leave your life. It was like he was torturing you; dangling you on a minuscule rope that hovered above an ocean. But despite the torture, every time you saw him, your heart grew more and more for him. It was a strange feeling honestly; being so incredibly fond of someone, but also wanting to be far away from them.

Every night, you wondered why life turned out to be this way for you—stuck in an unrequited, friends with benefits relationship. As you thought these things, you couldn’t help but realize how fucked up it all was.

A part of you wished that you had never decided to come home early that New Year’s Eve so long ago. If you hadn’t come home, you wouldn’t have called Yoon. If you hadn’t called her, you wouldn’t have gone to Jay’s stupid house party. If you hadn’t gone to that damn house party, you wouldn’t have let Tae fuck you for the first time. If that night would’ve never happened, you wouldn’t be here questioning everything.

But would that have really changed anything?

***

You down another shot glass.

A friend from work invited you out to her birthday party, and you figured it would be an intimate affair since she was rather quiet. She also told you to bring a plus-one, so you dragged Taehyung out too because you figured you needed someone to talk to. Instead of a small party, you found yourself in a club filled with many people. And you are now alone, your plus-one nowhere to be found.

The moment you two entered the club, Tae wandered from your side. Out of the two of you, he has always been the more social one; making friends everywhere he went. You managed to find the friend who invited you, but you didn’t get to talk long—like you had predicted earlier—and simply ended up at the bar.

“Did you want another one?”

You look at the bartender, eyes slightly narrowed, “What do you think?”

“I was just asking,” he says, wiping the inside of a glass. “I mean, you’ve had a few.”

You take the briefest moment to do a once over of the bartender, and you smile a little to yourself—he’s kind of cute. Even though you swear you only stare at him for a second, he catches you and pink tinges your cheeks.

“I wasn’t looking at you, I swear,” you say, looking anywhere but at him.

He just laughs, “It’s okay; it’s not every day a pretty girl stares at me with drool forming at the corner of her mouth.”

You widen your eyes, “I was not drooling!”

“Kidding,” he smiles, and you feel your heart warm just a bit. “What’s your name? I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Y/n, and I’m only here for a birthday…though it’s quite obvious I’m not really participating. What’s your name?”

“Hoseok,” he says, and you repeat it in your head a million times.

A smile forms on your lips, “Nice to meet you.”

As am easy conversation forms between you and Hoseok, you can’t help but laugh at everything he says. It feels nice to laugh, especially since it feels like you haven’t done so in a long time. In this moment, you feel kind of glad you decided to come out tonight.

“So, about that drink,” Hoseok asks, face close to yours.

“I’d love another—”

Before you can finish your sentence, you feel a sudden presence behind you.

“I believe she’s fine.”

You turn around, eyes meeting Tae’s. “What are you doing?”

Instead of saying anything, he just grabs your wrist and pulls you off your stool.

“Tae!”

With his free hand, he reaches inside his pocket and pulls out a few bills. He throws them on the counter, telling the Hoseok to keep the change. You struggle against his hold, not understanding why he’s doing this—you really wanted another drink and you wanted to talk to the cute bartender some more. And the last thing you wanted was to deal with Kim Taehyung.

He drags you both through the club, past masses of people. You’re not able to break free until he slips the two of you outside. As the door shuts behind you, a chill from the night hits you and you curse yourself for not bringing a jacket.

But even though you’re cold, a flash of anger heats you up momentarily, “What the hell, Taehyung?”

Rarely do you ever call him Taehyung to his face. At the sound of his full name being used, his mouth tightens and he looks at you. “I should be asking you that.”

“Oh my god,” you roll your eyes. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Why were you flirting with the bartender?” he asks, eyes narrowing.

You cross your arms over your chest, “The bartender has a name, and it’s Hoseok.”

“So you guys are on a first name basis?”

“He asked for my name, and I was not flirting with him,” you say. “We were just talking.”

“Hmm…I guess we have different versions of talking then; I don’t recall talking including his face being two inches away from yours,” Tae practically yells, and you can’t believe this is actually happening.

“Like you’re one to talk! I saw you walk away from me when we got here to go talk to girls, you hypocrite.”

He scoffs, “I was not talking to girls.”

Just recently, there’s something off in your friendship; a loose screw. For some reason, you two are fighting a lot more; finding the dumbest things to pick out and argue about. Also, Tae has picked up a habit of being overprotective. It makes no sense why he suddenly feels the need to act in such a way.

“Seriously, you need to chill out,” you tell him, not understanding why he’s being so unreasonable.

“You should take your own advice.”

“Maybe I will,” you sigh, turning around and walking away from him.

You only make it a few steps before an arm pulls you back, “Where are you going?”

“Didn’t you say for me to take my own advice? Well, I am; which means I’m leaving,” you say before pushing him away and walking again.

“Y/n,” he says your name, but you don’t care to stop. “Y/n.”

You throw up a middle finger, still walking down the street.

“Fuck. Stop it, you idiot. Let me just drive you home.”

“No,” is your immediate response, but you doubt that he can hear you. All you really want to do right now is take off all the damn makeup you are wearing and sleep.

“Y/n,” Tae repeats, “I’m sorry. Please stop. You’re angry at me, I know, but let me just drive you. I’d hate for you to walk home. It’s dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Stopping halfway down the street, you look over your shoulder. Even under the dim lighting of the streetlights, you can see the sincerity in his eyes. You walk back to him, nod, and then walk to his car. The whole ride to your apartment, you two don’t speak. Instead, soft music from the radio fills the silence. Aside from not talking to him, you also angle your body away from him; you choose to look out the window, watching the night come alive.

When he stops in front of your building, you quickly unbuckle yourself and get out of the car. You practically run to your door, not wanting to let Tae say a single thing to you. And, thankfully, he doesn’t. As you lock your front door behind you, you look out through the little peephole and see that he hasn’t left yet. Shockingly, it takes him a few minutes to leave; when he does finally drive off, you sink to your knees.

***

The next evening, someone knocks at your door.

At first, you’re hesitant to open the door since you didn’t plan on anyone coming over. When you check to see who it is, your eyes widen. Unlocking the door, you shift awkwardly on your feet, “Tae? What are you doing?”

In front of you, he stands with a bag of takeout, your favorite, and a bottle of wine.

“I brought food,” he says, pushing past you to walk inside. He leaves you standing at the door confused.

“Why?” you follow him into your small kitchen, crossing your arms over your chest.

Tae looks at you and raises a brow, “I can’t come over and bring food?”

You don’t respond because he knows why you’re questioning him. You are still mad at him for what happened last night at the club. He had no right to act the way he did.

“I’m hurt,” he feigns sadness, clutching his chest. “I thought we were best friends?”

“We are,” you say, and he smiles. “But you were an asshole yesterday.”

The smile on his face falls, “I know, and that’s why I brought your favorite takeout.”

“You’re trying to apologize through takeout?”

“Is it working?”

You roll your eyes; you can never win. Although you want to be mad at him, you know that you can never be. “Maybe.”

A smile graces his face again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Great; that’s better than no.”

He grabs your hand and walks you both into the living room. Taking the boxes out of the paper bag, he hands you your favorite dish and digs into his own. As you two settle on the couch, with the TV play some random movie, you can’t help but stare at him.

After you slipped into bed last night, you stayed up and thought a lot about your relationship with Taehyung. You spent many nights thinking about him, but last night you finally decided on something: you are going to end the friends with benefits relationship with him. This decision came to you because you realized that you both aren’t happy.

You loved Tae beyond the lines of a best friend.

There; you finally admitted it.

As much as you wanted to make him happy, to him you are just the best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe that’s why you enjoyed Hoseok’s company so much last night—he actually gave you the attention you so desperately wanted from Tae. After all these years, you figured it’s time that he receives the happiness he deserves. You deserve happiness too, even if it means letting him go.

“What?” he suddenly asks, not looking away from the TV screen.

“Nothing,” you say, shoving some food in your mouth. Despite thinking these thoughts, you aren’t sure how to break the news to him.

After the random takeout night, everything returns to how it always used to be—the same cycle of a toxic, friends with benefits relationship. Each time you climbed into Taehyung’s bed or he yours, you swore it would be the last time. Hell, you even slipped it out once that it was going to be the last time, but he just laughed and carried on.

A few weeks go by, and you find yourself at Tae’s house once again. He invited you over to watch a movie, but you two are doing everything but that.

He’s pressed against you, peppering kisses along your jaw and down your neck. After so many years of being intimate together, Tae knows your body like the back of his hand. You moan as he slides a hand underneath your shirt to touch one of your sensitive breasts. His other hand begins to travel to the button of your jeans. Your body screams in anticipation, but he suddenly stops.

“Bed. Now,” he says, and then picks you up.

Tae carries you across his apartment to his bedroom, and sets you at the foot of his bed. You take a second to glance around the room you’ve come to memorize so well.

“This is the last time, okay?” your words are sincere tonight; after this, it’s officially over.

But Taehyung doesn’t even glance at your face as he discards your shirt on the floor. The next thing to come off are your jeans, and you’re left in only your underwear. This scene is all too familiar.

“Why am I always the first to get naked?” you ask.

He smirks, taking his shirt and pants off. “Better?”

“Much,” you say with a pang in your heart as you stare at the beautiful human being in front of you. In this moment, you see just how grown up Taehyung has gotten. He isn’t the lanky boy you met all those years ago anymore. Now, as your eyes travel over the golden skin that stretches over his toned body, he’s a man.

Tae proceeds to rip your underwear off and you slide his boxers off. He immediately pushes you back on the bed, hands spreading your legs apart. His lips attach to your inner thighs, leaving teasing kisses everywhere. You moan, begging him for more. So, he brings a finger to your entrance, smirking again.

“So wet already,” he muses just before replacing his finger with his mouth.

As he begins to lick you, you weave your fingers into his hair. “Yes, Tae. Oh my god.”

He looks up at you from where he’s positioned between your legs, and you nearly orgasm on the spot. The smolder in his gaze lights up your entire body. As he continues to use tongue, which you’re sure is magical, his eyes never move away from yours and you swear that you’ve never seen anything sexier in your life.

He applies more pressure and you pull his hair tighter, feeling yourself getting close. You moan and arch your back, hands fisting the sheets around you. Just as you’re about to see the stars, Tae suddenly pulls his mouth away. Immediately you whimper, not liking the loss of touch. You start to complain, but don’t get very far before he suddenly shoves two fingers inside of you. The fullness causes you to reach your peak, and you cry out his name.

“That’s it, you dirty girl,” he still pumps his fingers inside of you, helping you ride out your high. “So sexy.”

It all just feels so good, and you nearly question your decision. You lift your head up once you’ve recovered and manage a small smile, “My turn.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen for a moment and you take the chance to pull him onto the bed, flipping positions so you’re on top. One of your hands reaches for his cock, moaning a bit when you realize how hard he is already. You stoke his member a few times before bending down to take him into your mouth. In all honesty, you are never one to really give blowjobs. It’s not that you hate giving them, it just never fits the flow; Tae almost always goes down on you and then fucks you—he never really gives you many chances to return the favor.

But from the expression on his face, you know he absolutely loves it.

“Shit,” he groans as you take him deeper into your mouth.

His cock hits the back of your throat and you gag a bit, feeling tears forming in your eyes. Even though giving blowjobs is rather uncomfortable sometimes, it’s worth seeing the reaction from Tae. His breaths are getting heavier; he’s getting close. This fact prompts you to suck harder, paying more attention to his sensitive head.

“Y/n—fucking shit—stop.”

Your eyes meet his from underneath your lashes. Letting go of his cock with a pop sound, you ask, “Is there something wrong?”

Tae has never stopped you from finishing a blowjob before.

He runs a hand over his face, “It feels so fucking good.”

“Why’d you want me to stop then?”

He leans up and captures your lips in a kiss. You kiss him back hard, pushing everything into the kiss. He breaks away first, resting his forehead against yours. “I want to cum inside you.”

And before you can comprehend his words, he flips you over onto your stomach and lifts your ass up. Without much warning, he slams inside you. This is done without much effort because you’re still wet from earlier. You both moan at the feeling of being connected like this; he has always filled you up so well.

Tae grips onto your hips as he moves fast, thrusting into you relentlessly. All you can do is sink your head into the bedsheets and take the pleasure. You’ve always loved this position since Tae goes so much deeper, hitting all the right spots. The same pleasure from earlier starts to build up inside of you again, and you tell him to go harder. And he does, leaning over you so he doesn’t move out much and ends up going even deeper than before.

You moan into the sheets, the pleasure becoming almost unbearable. Tae begins to suck onto the skin of your shoulders, no doubt leaving hickeys. This act just adds to the pleasure and you feel like you’re about to burst. Suddenly, Taehyung flips you over onto your back and crashes his lips on you.

As he kisses you, his hips move faster and you feel so so close.

“Cum for me, baby,” Tae whispers into your ears, fingers finding your sensitive clit, and that does the trick.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight truck, tightening your walls around Tae. Within seconds, he reaches his climax too, releasing himself into you. After this, he falls on top of you. But unlike other times, he doesn’t stay in the position long and rolls over. His chest rapidly rises up and down, sweating covering his entire body. You try to catch your own breath, feeling your heart beating erratically.

He turns his head to look at you and smiles, “Fucking perfect as always, y/n.”

Placing a quick kiss on your forehead, he gets up to grab a rag to clean the both of you. Once you clean the creampie off of you, he hands you a t-shirt and pulls his own boxers on. He whispers goodnight and falls asleep immediately. You take in his sleeping form—long eye lashes, soft lips; he looks like an angel. You can’t help but bring a hand to his face, trailing your fingers along his skin.

After a few moments, you roll over; feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. You shut your eyes tightly, tears flowing down your face. A silent sob racks its way through your body because this was the last time. You were serious when you said those words to him before. Being in this toxic relationship isn’t an option anymore—you can’t deal with being the girl he simply used for sex.

You craved intimacy beyond that.

You wanted something deep, all consuming. Was that so bad?

While Tae slept peacefully beside you, you couldn’t relax at all. The thought of you leaving him haunted you. Before anything, he’s your best friend; you don’t want to lose him. At the same time, though, you know that you can’t keep him in your life. You want so much more, and he can’t give you that. So in your mind, it’s better just to break yourself away entirely.

Before the sun rises, you quietly get out of Taehyung’s bed and grab your clothes. You decide to keep his shirt, wanting to be selfish one last time. When you have all your things, you finally look at his sleeping form. Your heart hangs heavy in your chest; it hurt like hell now, but you would be grateful later…right?

Slipping out of his apartment, you drive home feeling like a total mess. Once you make it to your place, you immediately crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep.

***

It’s one of those nights again.

The world is asleep, yet you are still wide awake—heart aching, mind running a thousand miles an hour. No matter what you try, sleep does not come. It’s like life is torturing you.

Since you left Taehyung’s house that one morning, you haven’t been able to sleep well. Every time you thought you finally were going to drift into dreamland for the night, his face would creep right into your mind. His expressive eyes, the gentle slope of his nose, the curve of his boxy grin—it was all ingrained in your mind. And you hated it. You also hated how you could still feel his burning touch on your skin; the way his large hands caressed your body.

Not only couldn’t you sleep well, but Tae calls you every day. He blows up your phone, leaving a voicemail every single time.

Y/n, pick up the phone.

Call me back soon, okay?

Is everything okay? Are you okay??

What did I do wrong? Call me back.

I know you’re listening to these messages since your voice mailbox isn’t full…call me soon.

…please pick up, y/n. Please.

As you listen to each message, your heart breaks a little more. You’re at a point now that you feel like you don’t even have a heart since you just feel so broken. The longingness in your chest is about to burst, but you aren’t going to give in. You aren’t going to pick up the phone and give him the satisfaction of knowing that you desperately cannot live without him.

You can be strong for once. You can exist without Kim Taehyung.

Even though you don’t pick up or return any of his calls, that doesn’t stop him. It has already been almost a month since you last saw him, but he continues to call and call and call. He’s relentless and a part of you feels absolutely terrible.

In the second month, the calls are less frequent but still very present in your life. Tae still calls practically every day, leaving you those damn voicemails that break your soul. And as much as it hurts, you still listen to every voicemail. You don’t know why though because you still feel as shitty as ever.

By the third month, Tae only calls once, maybe twice, a week. You still give him props for being so driven. If it had been you in his position, you would’ve give up a long time ago. He leaves the occasional voicemail too, but you know better to not listen anymore.

Miraculously, you’ve managed to avoid seeing him all this time. You don’t really know how though, since you both live in the same city. But he hasn’t come to see you yet, which is surprising. This behavior was very un-Tae-like, but you’re thankful; if he was to show up at your door, you don’t know what you would do.

Without Taehyung present in your life, you didn’t know what to do with yourself at first. A person who was so essential to your being wasn’t there anymore. But after the days, weeks, and eventual months went by, you learn to just deal. Your co-workers were concerned at first—they didn’t know why you had suddenly changed. They questioned you a lot that first month and attempted to change your mood; it, however, died quickly when they realized you weren’t going to change.

But have you changed a lot?

You aren’t too sure.

The days continue to pass you by, and life is starting to get rather dull. It’s the same routine of waking up, going to work, and then coming home. Although it’s boring and less than interesting, you stick to it because it’s the right thing. And before you know it, six whole months go by and it’s almost the end of the year.

Life’s still boring, but you think about Taehyung a lot less now. He stopped calling after the fourth month and no longer consumed your every thought. You can breathe a little bit better now, but there are still some nights you laid awake wondering how he was doing. Knowing him, he’s probably doing great; Tae’s always able to adapt easily to situations.

With the end of the year approaching, you find yourself not to terribly excited about the holidays; after all, you’re going to spend them alone. Or so you thought.

“Hello?” It wasn’t Tae on the phone, but someone else who you haven’t spoken to in years.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Umm…hi?”

“You said your greetings already,” the person on the other line says, humor laced in their voice.

“Whatever,” you roll your eyes, “what do you want?”

They mock gasp, “Is that really the way to speak to someone you haven’t spoken to since high school?”

“I don’t know, Yoon; maybe because we haven’t talked since high school?”

“Goodness, no need to sound so sarcastic,” she says. “I was just saying.”

You have no idea why she’s suddenly calling after all these years. After high school, you haven’t kept up with anyone you used to talk to—besides Tae, of course. You’re surprised she still has your number.

“Like I said before, what do you want?” you ask, confused.

“Can’t I just randomly call you?”

“No,” is your immediate response.

“Look, y/n, I know we haven’t talked since high school, but we used to be really good friends,” Yoon says, “so I just wanted to call and invite you to a New Year’s Eve party I’m hosting at my boyfriend’s place.”

“A New Year’s Eve party?” This feels all too familiar.

“Yeah—it’ll be fun, so please come!”

You scrunch your brows, “Is it your same boyfriend from high school?”

“Oh god no,” she laughs. “I’m dating Jay now.”

In that moment, your mouth drops, “What?! As in, Jay from high school? As in, the Jay who hosted the best parties?”

“Yes, that Jay. We’ve been dating for a few years now,” Yoon explains.

“That’s so crazy,” you say. “Who would’ve guessed; but I’m glad you ended things with that boyfriend of yours from high school—he was a douchebag.”

Yoon laughs again, “You don’t even have to tell me; I don’t know what I saw in him.”

“Seriously,” you smile. “Especially that one time—”

“—he got so drunk the night before graduation, he received his diploma hungover and confessed he had a thing for a teacher,” she finishes for you and you both laugh so hard. You can’t remember the last time you laughed so much.

“Oh my god, that was ridiculous,” you say, recalling the memory.

“It’s really funny now, but I still cringe thinking about it sometimes.”

If you were her, you would cringe too, “Jay is totally a step up from that mess.”

“So you’ll come to the party?” she asks.

You shrug even though she can’t see you, “I guess so.”

“Great,” you can feel her smile.

“I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to do,” you tell her, and it was the truth—you really don’t have anything else planned. There’s no way in hell you’re going home to your parents for the holidays; without a doubt they’d ask about Taehyung and you aren’t exactly ready to tell them yet. Also, you’d probably run into his mom and that would be bad.

“I promise you won’t regret it.”

***

On Christmas day, you call your parents. They bombard you with the typical you should call more and come visit. You manage to avoid questions that are too personal and promise that you’ll visit…soon.

As you call the other important people in your life, including Yoon, your hands itch to call Tae. It was your first Christmas, since that trip to visit your aunt all those years ago, without him and it honestly feels weird. When you woke up this morning, your mind immediately flashed back to Christmases past where you always woke up beside him. The yearning you haven’t felt in a while starts to return, but you don’t press his number that you’ve never bothered to delete.

The days following Christmas are a blur as you wait for the 31st to arrive. Admittingly, you’re actually kind of excited for the party; it’s going to be your first social outing in a while. Yoon called and told you it was going to a dressy event, meaning nicer clothes, so you spent hours trying to find the perfect outfit. You don’t even know why you were freaking out about clothes, but you wanted to look nice.

You end up finding a burgundy dress with an exposed back that makes you feel really good, and you feel happy for the first time in forever.

When New Year’s Eve finally rolls around, you slip into your slightly scandalous dress ready to take on the world. Yoon sends you the address of the place and you drive for about thirty minutes before arriving at a mansion.

Of course, you think to yourself as you pull into the circle driveway. This dude would live in a mansion even as an adult.

At the steps of the mansion, a man stands there and you look at him puzzled. “Yes?”

“Hello, miss, we can take your car and park it for you,” he says and you realize this must be a really fancy event.

“Oh, okay,” you say and get out of the car.

“Just let Mr. Jay or one of our staff know when you’re ready to leave,” he tells you before zooming away in your car.

You turn around a few times in the driveway, not knowing what to make of the situation, before making your way up the steps of the lavish house. When you reach the door, you don’t even have to reach for the handle—it opens before you can.

“Y/n?” someone calls your name.

You smile, “Yoon.”

Your old childhood friend stands in front of you in a gold fitted dress, looking even better now than she did in high school.

“Oh my god—you’re so hot now what the fuck,” she practically screeches before tackling you in a hug. You can’t help but laugh at her action, before hugging her back. “How is this even possible?”

You pull away, “Look who’s talking.”

She rolls her eyes, “Compared to you, I’m a potato.”

“I mean, you managed to snag Jay so I highly doubt that,” you say to her, an eyebrow raised. “By the way, this place is huge.”

“Oh, I know. I told Jay it was too big but he said it was perfect,” Yoon shrugs.

You look around, taking in the elaborate décor and high ceilings. It was all beautiful, but a little too much room for your personal taste. “I mean, I guess it makes a good place to host parties?”

“That’s the plan now.”

As you continue to take in all the glorious details, you realize something, “Where is everyone?”

You look at Yoon, wondering if you were somehow early but that couldn’t be because you were on time…or at least, you thought you were. But your friend looks at your confused expression and smiles.

“It’s a big place, remember? The party is on the other side of the mansion,” she explains and in that moment, you can hear music emitting from somewhere far.

Yoon grabs your arms and you two make your way across the mansion. The deeper Yoon pulls you into the house, the louder the music gets. As the bass starts to shake the floor, you start seeing more people. Actually, you start seeing a lot of people.

“Oh shit,” you say to yourself, surprised by the sheer amount of bodies.

“I know,” your friend yells in front of you and you’re surprised that she heard you. “This is technically my party, but it seems like Jay ended up inviting the whole city.”

Although there are many people present, it’s not like a party you would’ve attended back in high school. No one is dancing provocatively or getting wasted—everyone is just doing their own thing. Yoon walks you into a room with high ceilings, a glittering chandelier right in the center. The extravagant sight parts your mouth in awe; exactly how rich is Jay?

“Well, this is the party,” Yoon says after you close your mouth again. “Before you leave, come find me okay?”

You nod a couples times before you register her words, “Wait, what?”

“I have to go find Jay,” she shrugs.

“And you’re just going to leave me?”

Yoon smiles, “You’ll be fine.”

“What was the point of inviting me if you’re not going to bother to entertain me?” you might’ve appeared rather sarcastic, but you’re internally freaking out. You don’t want Yoon to leave you; what are you supposed to do? This party’s not your forte and you don’t know anybody else but her.

“I’m sure you will find someone else to entertain you,” she says, already walking away from you. What was that supposed to mean?

And with that, your only friend at the party abandons you. Suddenly, you find yourself feeling out of place in the sea of people. You quickly walk away from the center of the room and don’t stop until you find a bar. You pour yourself a drink, half-leaning against the wall. As you glance around the room, you feel slightly envious of everyone. They all seem like they’re having a great time…and you’re not feeling that same excitement anymore. You are so immersed in your thoughts, you don’t even notice the figure behind you. And you definitely do not expect to feel a hand on you.

Out of instinct, you jab your arm into them; but they stop you, grabbing a hold of your hand. You turn around, ready to give them a piece of mind. But when you realize who is behind you, the world seems to stop.

“Wha—” your mouth falls open, not able to form proper words. “T-Tae?”

The last person you expected to see is inches away from you, and you can’t even think.

Your mind is completely blank, devoid of any thoughts as you search his features. Not much has changed about him—same curved lips, nose perfectly sculpted by God himself. If anything, he just looks tired. Tears threaten to spill when your eyes finally meet his; in his gaze, you see all the emotions you’ve felt these past six months. Confusion, pain, anger, numbness—you see it all and it kills you inside.

In your rationality, you thought he would be okay; you thought that he didn’t need you. Now, you see that he’s hurt, and you’re the cause of it all. Fear spikes your system. You need to get away from him before you cause any more damage. But as you try to back away, you realize that his grip on you is tight.

Without saying a word, he forcefully pulls you forward and drags you through the crowd of people. Thankfully, no one really pays you two attention as Tae maneuvers the both of you away from the center of the party. You have no idea where he’s taking you, but you don’t try to resist because there would be no point. Tae turns into a hallway and opens a random door, shoving you inside. He locks the door behind him, and finally turns to face you. You can’t even look at him, feeling shameful that you’re actually in his presence again.

Silence fills the room before he talks, “Why?”

You stare at the floor, not knowing what to say.

“Why?” he suddenly grabs both of your shoulders, shaking you. “Why did you leave me?”

You let him shake you, feeling deserving of the action; you deserved all the bad in the world for what you did.

“Did you not know how much of a mess I was, huh? I thought you were just mad at me; ignoring me for a couple days. But when you never called back, I didn’t know to do. Fuck,” he lets you go to rake a hand through his hair. “I was so angry. How could you do that to me? You ruined me, y/n. Why are you so heartless?”

By now, tears are pouring down your face; but you’re angry too. He was angry with you? He was a mess? “You think you’re the only one who was hurting?”

“Well, I wasn’t the one who completely cut you from my life.”

More tears spill from your eyes. He doesn’t get it. “You’re an asshole, Kim Taehyung.”

While he was angry that you didn’t return any of his damn phone calls in six months, you were disappointed that after all these years he still couldn’t see your true feelings. You might’ve not seem him in a while, but the same feelings from six months ago were starting to creep back and you didn’t like it. You have almost forgotten how much your soul longed for him.

“I’m an asshole?” he asks incredulously.

You don’t say anything; instead, you turn back around and start to walk towards the door. Before you can get far though, Tae pulls you back.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Away from you.”

“I haven’t seen you in six months and you want to leave already? Is that what you do best? Run away?” he asks.

His words are like a dagger to your heart. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

“Why are you doing this, y/n? What the hell did I do?” he’s yelling at this point and the tears rush endlessly down your face. And before you can even help it, the words tumble right out of your mouth.

“You made me fall in love with you.”

The rooms falls silent and in that moment, you swear that you can hear Taehyung’s own heart beating. You can’t even look at him, feeling too embarrassed at your sudden confession. It’s the first time you’ve ever said the truth out loud; and even though you feel strangely liberated, a lingering feeling of rejection still harbors over you.

When the silence continues to swallow you up, you slowly start to regret ever saying anything.

“You know what? Forget I ever said anything,” you quickly say in attempts to clear the air. “I don’t even know why—”

“You’re in love with me?”

His words cause you to raise your head up and meet his eyes. There’s an emotion swirling in them that you can’t decipher. Since there’s no turning back now, you nod your head once and silent wait for his response. A few seconds pass before a smile morphs onto his face. The smile surprises you because you don’t get the gesture; why was he smiling?

“You’re in love with me?” he repeats his question, and you scrunch your brows as you nod your head again. “No, no—say it out loud.”

You blink a couple times, “Umm…I love you?”

“C’mon, say it more reassuringly.”

“I love you, Kim Taehyung,” you say with honesty because you do love him, you really do. The smile that graced his face a few seconds earlier is now a goofy grin that stretches from ear to ear. It’s a smile that scares you a bit because you still don’t understand the reason behind it.

“You,” he points in your direction before gesturing to himself, “love me.”

By this point, a string of laughter leaves you since he keeps repeating the same three words. “Yes I love you; why is that so unbelievable?”

“It’s not unbelievable,” he smirks and it is all so very Kim Taehyung. “But why did it take you so long to tell me? I mean, we’ve been friends forever.”

You slump against the wall, “And that is precisely the reason why. I-I didn’t want to ruin what we had already. You’re my best friend Tae, and I didn’t want to lose that. It also didn’t help that we were having sex together; I think that just made me fall harder, honestly.”

“I thought you wanted to keep it all no-strings-attached?”

“I did,” you sigh, “but it just all got so complicated.”

“Well, if it helps,” Tae starts, placing a hand along your cheek, “I’m in love with you too.”

He says it all so nonchalant that you barely catch the in love part. “You what?”

Tae looks down at you, now cupping both your cheeks, “I love you, y/n.”

“Are you just saying that because I confessed?” You’re in denial that Tae could be in love with you too because how can that even be? You were positive that he never saw you as more than a friend.

“Of course not; I think I’ve been in love with you since high school,” he admits, cheeks tinging a shade of red. “You were the cute girl in English class that all the boys liked, and I was just lucky to have gotten paired up with you on that project. When we became friends, it felt like a dream—I felt like I won the lottery. And because we were friends, I decided to suppress my feelings because you were important to me. But that winter break back in eleventh grade ruined me though. I have never regretted and cherished a night so much in my life.

“I figured I could live with simply being a friend who you fucked because I thought it was what you wanted. Now, however, I can see that we’ve been on the same boat all this time.”

When you hear his confession, you feel like so much heartbreak could’ve been prevented. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He shrugs, “The fear of rejection, I guess. Being friends with benefits was comfortable and I was fine with it, until you completely walked out of my life.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I thought that was best. I thought you could live without me.”

“I could never live without you,” Tae’s eyes widen. “I was a mess without you these last six months. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Jay and Yoon.”

That’s when everything clicked, “You know Jay and Yoon?”

Tae smiles sheepishly, “Jay was a guy I used to hang with before I met you—our parents are friends. We haven’t talked in years and probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t decided to go home to visit my parents.”

“You did what?” this news shocks you. “They didn’t…they didn’t ask about me, did they?”

“Don’t worry, I just lied and said you were busy,” he says and you can breathe again. “But anyway, when I went home Jay happened to be in town too and when we went out for drinks, everything just spilled out of me. He then told me that his girlfriend used to be one of your close friends and I begged her to get in touch with you. And, since you’re here…I guess she did.”

Wow. This is all so unexpected. “So, you all basically devised this party just so you could see me?”

Tae just nods and you roll your eyes before shoving him away from you. Taehyung looks at you like you’re crazy. “What the hell, y/n?”

“Why can’t you ever just grab my attention like a normal person?” you ask him, and a smile returns on his face. “Why do you always sneak up on me?”

“You’ve always be fun to mess with.”

As Tae smiles at you, you decide to be spontaneous. You take that chance to fling yourself into his arms, wrapping your own around him. Tae reciprocates the hug and lets his head fall into the crook of your shoulder. “I really am sorry and I really, really do love you.”

Even though you can’t see his face, you can feel him smiling into your shoulder. “I know and I love you more.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” you tell him, smiling.

He raises his head, “I’ve loved you longer, idiot.”

“So? Time doesn’t determine the strength of someone’s love.”

“Yes, it does, because I loved you first.”

“No, it doesn’t because I loved you so much I was willing to let you be happy.”

“I love you more,” he says.

“No, I do.”

“I do.”

“Tae, I love you more—” before you can continue to express how much more you love him, he shuts you up with a kiss. You haven’t kissed him in so long, you can feel your head spinning. As his lips move against yours, you feel desires that you thought died start to come alive again. You mold yourself closer to him, needing to feel him against you.

You pull away from him and he moves down your neck, “Since you claim you love me more, you should show me just how much…”

He raises his lips of your skin immediately, “Oh yeah?”

Smiling, you nod and laugh when he picks you up. He walks you two to the bed in the room and throws you on it before climbing on top as well.

“I feel kind of bad for always using people’s bedrooms,” you say as he starts to unzip your dress.

“I guess it’s just our thing,” Taehyung smiles at you before leaning in for another kiss.

Our thing. You repeat the word in your head, and you swear you’ve never been happier.

#armiesnet #btsbookclub #bangtan bookclub #bts fic #bts smut #taehyung fic #taehyung smut #bts #bangtan #v #smut #angst #kpop fic #it's complicated #xbaepsae

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johns-prince · 4 years ago

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I was reading Norman's biography of Mick Jagger the other day and at some point I realized that good old Mick had it BAD for John. They hung out a lot in the Lost Weekend and Mick seemed heartbroken when May told him John had gone back to Yoko. He was so upset that he talked to the press about it multiple times, whining about not having any access to John and that he was hiding behind Sean. Mick wasn't wrong, though. I was just very entertained by his reaction. Then there is this:

"Mick, as a result, had found himself in the—for him—highly unusual position of wanting to see someone but having his every friendly overture rebuffed.

From his sitting room window, he could see the Gothic rooftops of Lennon’s home, and would sometimes act out the part of a spurned girlfriend: “[John’s] right over there. Does he ever call me? Does he ever go out? No. Changes his phone number about every ten minutes. I’ve given up . . .” But there was no disguising how much this apparent indifference really hurt. Once or twice, he put aside the Tyranny of Cool sufficiently to leave Lennon a note with his own current phone number at the Dakota concierges’ desk, but no response ever came."

LOL "John is right over there. IS HE THINKING OF ME?" The thirst was real, you guys. I don't remember Mick being this sad about any of his women leaving him. Me thinks Johnny hit and quit it but someone fell in love, you see.

I agree, Mick sounds like a jilted lover/girlfriend here who just wants to be at least acknowledged. He was seriously upset about the fact that, when John went back to Yoko he knew that she didn’t like him. She thought he wasn’t worth John’s time and was a bad influence. Gotta remember, Mick and John had been friends since the sixties-- Mick was much closer to John then Paul, even.

Also talk about the gall because she was completely fine with John hanging out with the likes of Klein, Phil Spector, and Magic Alex... Like, talk about bad influences-- Phil fucking pointed a gun at John because he liked to freak John out and upset him. She liked these people. She approved of them for John. Yoko isn’t fully to blame, John also holds blame for how he’d treat people and just cut them off [even if he personally didn’t want too] but she encouraged John to cut ties with family and close, old friends just, like that.

I feel for Mick. I honestly feel for anyone who loved John, it did seem trying at times. I mean, sometimes it’s not always easy for me to love John just as some crazed groupie... I could only imagine how intense and, confusing and exciting and, memorable it would have been to know him, personally, and get to love him personally.

I personally don’t think anything serious happened between John and Mick. Kind of like how I believe nothing deeper then just, solid friendship was between John and Stu-- someone he could confide in, who wasn’t just Paul.

Was there flirting between the two? Absolutely, though I find it to be a partially playful joking sort of flirting between friends, and partially with a serious edge to it. Libra’s are natural flirters, they often to do it unintentionally because it’s just, part of their personality. John most likely both an unintentional and intentional flirt, and his male friends weren’t left out on his teasing’s and naughty, playful behavior [specifically moreso open and direct about it in the 70s]

But, I do think you’re right that Mick had it bad. Most male friends of John seemed to have it bad for him, in some way or another. Women and men loved John-- he was rather easy to love, despite how he’s painted and the sort of front he put up. As Paul said-- John was a loveable guy, everyone loved him, and he was right [though Paul usually only mentions everyone else when talking about loving John, deflects onto others at the same time but I digress]

Even men who apparently thought of him a poky bastard seemed to inevitably be drawn to him, and like him [like David Bailey]

He was loved, so, so much.

“The theory is that when John went off to Spain on holiday with Brian, that’s what it was all about - John trying to get his position clear as the leader of the group. Also, I’m sure Brian was in love with John. We were all in love with John, but Brian was gay so that added an edge.” Paul McCartney - Anthology

PAUL: “Well, I’m sure Brian was in love with John, I’m sure that’s absolutely right. I mean, everyone was in love with John; John was lovable, John was a very lovable guy.” [x]

“What did John Lennon see in me? I think outrageousness and being true to myself and not giving a fuck. We hit it off straight away, even though I was in complete awe of him. He was nothing else but kind to me. I never saw the other side of John, the Harry Nilsson drinking side of John, where he turned on a sixpence. I only saw the gentle, gorgeous side of John, and he was gentle not only to me but my parents, my band members, and I just fell in love with him.”

— Elton John [x]

“Nowhere can the caring side of John Lennon be documented more accurately than in his relationship with Malcolm Evans, the very tall and bespectacled man who became a regular as a road manager, along with Neil Aspinall, on the Beatles’ tours. Evans had a magnetic personality and was a favorite with reporters and the women who tagged along. His smile and charm could be deceptive; he would have done anything to protect the Beatles. At one point on the touring aircraft, while traveling from Jacksonville to Boston in 1964, a tired Mal Evans sat next to me in the rear of the aircraft with tears trickling down his face. I asked, “What’s the matter?” Mal answered, “John got kind of cross with me … just said I should go f— off. No reason, ya’ know. But I love the man. John is a powerful force. Sometimes he’s rough, if you know what I mean, man. But there’s no greater person that I know.” I never learned what the dispute was about, but I do know that a few minutes later, a sullen Lennon walked by and embraced Evans.” — Larry Kane [x]

“Sharing a twisted sense of humour and a penchant for mischief, Nilsson and Lennon were natural buddies. It was perhaps inevitable that the LA-dwelling singer would gravitate towards Lennon. Lennon clearly appreciated Nilsson’s edginess and was very likely looking for a male soulmate to fill the hole left by McCartney. For his part, Nilsson’s feelings for Lennon ran even deeper: ‘I really fell in love with him. He was all those things you wanted somebody to be.”

Man On The Run: Paul McCartney in the 1970s by Tom Doyle [x]

“But the acerbic John is the one we know and love, you know, because he was clever with it, so it was very attractive. But, for me, I have more than a slight affection for the John that I knew then, when we were first writing songs, when we would try and do things the old songwriters had done. I slightly regret the way John’s image has formed, and because he died so tragically it has become set in concrete. The acerbic side was there but it was only part of him. He was also such a sweet, lovely man – a really sweet guy. ””

— Paul McCartney, discussing John Lennon [x]

John was a charming man in his own right, charismatic, and funny. Having a good sense of humor is always attractive, and draws people to you. As Paul says, and Elton, John was kind, he was sweet and friendly. He wasn’t always this, Mr. Tough and aggressive, ripping into people with his sharp tongue. He was gentle, he could be gentle, in his own way. Warm, and loving.

He had this ability to just... make you feel like you’ve known him longer then you actually have. Like you have some sort of, special relationship or connection with him-- that you were the only one who was close enough to see underneath his armor, to know him as intimately as anyone else ever could.

Course, this was simply how many felt and wanted to be the reality[specifically men], when it wasn’t, not exactly. They didn't really know the real John, they didn't get to see him at his most sincere, when his beautiful armor was chipped away and he was standing naked and scared. He described himself like a chameleon when it came to social settings, when interacting with different individuals [friends], which honestly makes sense as a Libra [Gemini’s are just as guilty of this]

They got to know a facet of John... Maybe they did get a glimpse of John here and there, but it’s just reality that John didn’t just, open up so easily to people like that. He didn’t like feeling vulnerable, and he had a habit of testing people’s loyalty and love for him [whether it had been consciously or not, I’m not always sure] because of the insecurities and doubt that one day, they’d turn on him or abandon him.

Again, he had this way in making people [other men] feel as if they had an intimate and special connection with him. And maybe they did to varying degrees. John had a way to act open with others, without actually being open and vulnerable, or at least not fully. I’m not sure if I’m making sense lol

Only ones who I think ever got to know the real John, were Mimi(of course she raised him), Pete (friends since they were just peanuts), Cynthia somewhat, May got glimpses and wanted John to be himself and independent... Yoko to a degree (though she focuses on entirely pushing and talking about Brand John Lennon™)

And who I know for a fact did, and does know John the most intimately, deeply, unabashedly, is Paul.

But anyway, speaking of being so very attractive, John was attractive. Like, many women and men found him exceedingly attractive, like this one male photographer who believed John was the most handsome out of the band;

“I think John was the best looking, actually. The refined nose. He never went out of his way to be a disagreeable person. He would be the one to go over and just sit and sign some little girl’s book...”

Harry Benson, photographer who took the photo of the iconic pillow fight and other well known Beatle photos, talks about John. [x]

Then we have David Bailey, who described Paul, Ringo, and George as rather pleasant-- while describing John as being a fucker, a bit poky.

And yet, it was John who David Bailey claimed to like, out of all of them.

“I didn’t like the Beatles – I liked John ... John was a fucker. Paul was always the nicest guy in the world. George, he always seemed full of angst. Ringo always seemed Mr Nice Guy. But John was a bit poky; I liked him.”

-- David Bailey Originally; published in the March 2014 issue of British GO magazine.

That’s honestly the only parts of the interview worth reading, Bailey is sort of a dickhead and clearly seems biased against Paul, and just The Beatles as a band in general, so [which is fascinating. Considering he might’ve been peeved towards Paul ever since John brought his partner along for that photoshoot because he didn’t want to go in alone lol]

Mick did love John, though in what way or in what varying degree, is up for discussion and personal conclusion. Just like how it’s up to interpretation and discussion how much and in what way David Bowie, Elton John, Harry Nilsson, Mal Evans, Billy Preston, and Brian Epstein loved John.

But it’s clear as day that, in my opinion, they almost all seemed to have some sort of man-crush on him. A serious admiration. Harry Nilsson sounded like he was in a bro-mance with John [or at least he wanted to be in one with him]

Course we can’t forget Paul, but we all know that Paul loved John in such varying degrees, it’s truly impossible to label it. They’re soulmates, can’t really categorize the love between soulmates so easily.

Anyway, point of this all; Mick definitely had it bad for John, but then again who didn’t?

#questionsquestionsquestions #john lennon #mick jagger #honestly most of response is unnecessary but I already put so much effort into it lol

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alch3mic · 4 years ago

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I'd like to request a matchup ^^ (I have to say, while I read the others you do, I sometimes try to guess them before I see your answer, it's very fun. And their drawings are so cute aaaaaaa-- I love them-)

When I start to meet someone, I'm very anxious and laid back, but if you get closer and closer, you'll see a more talkative, funny and sentimental being; my humor is purely made of many puns and sarcasm, there's even times I can't help but think about a pun during a serious moment as I'm trying my best not to tell it; I'm a very emotional and impulsive person, so this makes me very attached to fictional characters and inanimate objects and I might give a bad impression for someone about a thing that isn't much of a big deal after all; I can get very excited while talking about something I like, especially if I never found someone who also likes that thing, but this makes me think I'm being a little inconvenient, because I don't have other topics to talk about since I don't know how to change it aaaaaa; my love language is physical touch, since I'm not so good with putting some emotions and words into... words (I'm very touchy with many things, actually); night owl; I'm a huge procrastinator, but when I start a project, I normally dedicate myself till the end, even if I take a lot of time on it (purple soul, maybe?); I like to just stop and daydream for a couple of minutes; my memory definetly isn't the best, but it's not the worst either, like, I can forget a bag of school materials in the middle of the mall (personal experience??? What???), while I can remember almost 50 songs of a musical

My hobbies are: drawing, playing games (cards, board, PC, console...), listening to music (almost any kind, from lo-fi to metal, but I listen to videogames soundtracks more often), singing (but I'm not comfortable with someone near me), reading, writing, watching videos, series or movies and playing piano

Likes: the stars, I get to see more than 3 or 4 in the sky only when I travel with my family at night, and it's so beautiful... I might cry a little-; lasagna and ice cream, the best foods ever; buzzfeed quizzes; having a time alone, although I like to spend a night with friends and family playing games, chatting and eating snacks

As for dislikes: disrespectful people in general; whistles, I can't focus on literally nothing if I hear one and I might freak out a bit, but it's totally on impulse; I get very anxious with needles; Physics lol

Hope this isn't too long. But, hey, the more information, the better, right?

Oh yes it’s true, I think CHESHIRE is going to be just right for you!

🤍 Dedication is a huge attractant for Cheshire! He likes people who can really put themselves forward on to a task and see it through, because it will inspire him to do the same. He needs a good partner in crime who will procrastinate with him from time to time so the two of you can sit back and daydream, but also encourage him to get up and see a project through. With just a bit of time he’ll be encouraging you too!

🤍 A sense of humor is also very important for this cat boy! He tends to joke around a lot, sometimes unintentionally even in stressful situations (literally all he’ll do is spew out cat puns when he’s feeling cornered), so having someone who will also be down to joke whenever is great for him. Plus he’s always a sucker for a good pun, and he falls quickly for those who can actually make him laugh!

🤍 Physical affection is a huge love language for Cheshire because he also has a hard time properly expressing himself, though he tends to be a little reserved with who he dishes it out to. Once he begins to form a bond with you though, he becomes a very touchy person, wanting to hold hands (so he.. won’t lose you of course!), play with your hair (you.. uh.. had a tangle!), and overall just be close with you (because you’re.. warm..). These ‘friendly’ touches will become a part of your everyday!

🤍 Seems like the two of you share a lot of interests too! He’s a huge gamer, and loves everything from indie games to horror, shooters and of course puzzle games. He’s also really into watching fellow content creators through online videos and binging a good drama series! He also has quite a sweet tooth and has a big weakness for donuts, but ice cream comes as a pretty close second!

#i'm glad you're having fun guessing haha #and thank you!#this was a great amount of info #i hope you enjoy your match my friend!!#matchup!event #clara0228

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whackmewithwhump · 3 years ago

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Intro to The BoxCutters

Okay guys, for once I promised something and I'm gonna deliver. This is a band of OC's that I created and very much would like to put into compromising and fun whumpy situations. This is a brief overview of the band members, and their personality, but I do have quite a bit of worldbuilding and other details all in my head about this stuff. So without further ado, meet the new crew, and don't hesitate to tell me what you think!!

Chante: (26, asexual, panromantic) okay so Chante is our lead man. He sings and plays lead guitar, but sometimes he plays the keyboard, or will hop on and surprise the crowd with some other instrument.

He actually has a degree in engineering, but has always loved music. Many people would describe him as a bit of a prodigy, he's the sort of guy who can pick up and play most instruments, but the credit goes to his hard work more than anything else. He's dedicated to his craft and it paid off big time over the years.

He's incredibly friendly and open. The sort of guy who sees a room of strangers as a room of future friends. He's great at networking and making connections for the band, and is well loved by most people. He can be a little bit of a control freak sometimes if people aren't taking things as seriously as he is, and can also wear himself down by not knowing his limits.

He absolutely rocks crop tops, is a total morning person, collects guitars and treats them like his babies (can unintentionally be a bit of a snob about it), and he gives music lessons as a side hustle.

Keiko: (25, straight) Keiko is our bassist, she's a huge stoner, and an original member of the band. She's a pretty good songwriter, and has written a lot for them over the years. She's got a wicked sense of style and a wicked sense of humour. Probably the ultimate memelord of the group. She's messy in all senses of the word, gets distracted and ends up in drama. She's not afraid to stand up for herself or for others, but is very much a sweetheart. She's just a sweetheart that is incredibly blunt.

Keiko makes herself at home wherever she is. She can get comfy and take a nap anywhere. She's incredibly artistic, and usually has several projects on the go. She's got big ambition but little follow through. She has two pet rabbits, Peter and Apple Juice, and she would die for either of them and gives them the best life possible. She's a big lover of animals, including all of the critters that people are generally scared of, and would scold anyone who dare even think about squishing a bug. She's got a tattoo sleeve inspired by the Great Barrier Reef.

Lastly, she lives in a house with Tyson, they've been roommates for years, along with a rotation of various strangers. The two of them are the big trouble makers of the group, and often have a rather annoying friends with benefits thing going on with each other while they're bored. It doesn't even cause friction, because they have zero romantic interest in each other, but it's definitely not the best use of either of their time.

Sadie: (26, lesbian) Sadie is a guitarist and singer and the newest member of the band, introduced to them by Chante after he'd graduated from university. It was the two of them that really got the band up and running again. She's incredibly organized, and with Chante's executive skills, they whipped thing back into shape.

She doesn't usually sing lead, but on occasion she will. Whether she's leading or being a second vocalist, she has a really powerful and beautiful voice that brings a lot of texture and life to the sound of their music. Out of the group, her stage presence is the most different to her everyday personality. On stage she unleashes this monster of a performer, and always gives her all to put on a show. She'd be the most likely to stage dive and crowdsurf.

Otherwise, she is the most subdued and lowkey of the gang. She's not quiet or shy per se, but she has lots of intention behind what she says. Sadie is also a massive flirt, and a bit of a hoe, but we don't slutshame her. She's always getting with the ladies, and has many short term relationships, but things never get too serious before she sorta gets scared and dips.

Her style is very simple and clean cut (my drawing is kind of extremely casual compared to what she'd usually wear). She's the sort of person to iron all of her clothes, and buttons her shirts all the way to the top. She makes this very put together look seem incredibly edgy, but the mullet helps with that. Unlike Chante, she doesn't collect guitars, but has two that are reliable and that she cherishes and will use till they're falling apart. (Oh and she's a total lightweight)

Tyson: (25, bi) Tyson is our drummer. He has been a percussionist since a young age, and ended up being quite the band geek in high school because of it. He loves to mess around with the toys (percussion toys, you sickos) but his passion has always been drumming in its various forms. He gets to whack things, what's not to love? The Boxcutters were his idea, and it was his humble garage where the band got its start as angsty teens. A classic origin story.

His parents were mostly happy for him to be engaged in anything that kept him out of trouble, since he has ADHD that leans very much towards the hyperactivity side, as it often does with males, and he struggled a lot throughout his childhood with being quite disruptive. He is very competitive, and sometimes takes things too far because of this, and will never turn down a dare. Fortunately his friends are around and are pretty good at reining him in when they need to. Being the third out of four children in his family, he's always felt the need to get attention, which he usually tries to get by being a class clown sort of character, but he often doesn't know when is the right time for that stuff. On top of it all, he's a chronic oversharer. He unintentionally is rude a lot of the time, or can sometimes snap and be mean, but he almost always is willing to accept responsibility and apologize once he's cooled down.

He's great at a party and fiercely loyal, a sweetie that sometimes tries to be tough but it just ends up being very funny.

#feel free to send asks abt them #especially if it's about sick stuff #i didn't include much abt that here #the boxcutters #new ocs babey #lmk what you think #are you team apple juice or team peter

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spicy-raddish · 4 years ago

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So, in my last post I said that I literally hated Japan Sinks 2020, but that I was scared to voice my problems with it, from a writing standpoint, due to so many people genuinely liking the show. It seems I'm not alone at all. A lot of people encouraged me to make this post, so, here we go...

(This is going to be a long one)

Everything Wrong With: Japan Sinks 2020 (and it's a lot):

this post contains spoilers, obviously.

The music doesn't fit the mood of the show, like, at all. Don't get me wrong, the music is actually good, a lot of it is in my study playlist now, but it absolutely doesn't fit the scenes that accompany it. e.g. the dad gets literally blown up by a ww2 bomb leaving only his severed hand behind *happy music intensifies* this just cheapens the entire scene and removes any tiny fragment of emotional response to what you're being shown. And this happens all the time.

The animation... The backgrounds and general scenery look absolutely stunning, but the characters look genuinely awful. At times, I would be legitimately crying whilst watching a scene, not out of sadness, but out of laughter at just how bad the characters look. Extremely lazy drawing, and if the character isn't the one talking, they just freeze their animation for minutes at a time, not even making them blink or move slightly, just... frozen there.

Go and his constant use of cringy Engrish. I get it, he's half filipino and he looks up to an English-speaking YouTuber. But he goes into this broken English way too frequently, and again, it doesn't match the tone of what's happening.

How did Mari survive the first tsunami? Also, why didn't we get to see the first tsunami? Or the plane crash-landing in the bay and hitting the bridge? Why do we never actually get to see these large-scale events that are supposedly impacting our characters? Also, if Mari supposedly was in a plane crash, then ended up in the river where a tsunami hit, and she somehow managed to swim out of the river during a tsunami, how does she then have the energy and strength to walk all the way through the city to the shrine, and doesn't even seem out of breath? Also, if Ayumu was in that changing room which resulted in people being literally severed in half, how is her phone not even smashed? Cracked a lil? No?

THE POLAROIDS. I actually turned the show off the second time Mari pulled her camera out for a group photo, and I had to force myself to go back and finish it. Why on earth do the characters keep insisting on taking these chipper polaroids like the literal apocalypse isn't happening around them? Is Mari emotionally stunted? I don't understand. Is it supposed to be making some kind of point? I don't understand...

The characters seem to have zero reaction to awful events happening around them, or they comment on it and move on immediately.

Random magical cult city growing serious amounts of weed... Literally everything that happens there is just awful writing. So far, everything that has happened has been a natural disaster, and they explain them as being due to the tectonic plate movements. So we're supposed to be believing all of this as possible. Explainable natural events. You can't build a world around this and then suddenly introduce magic out of the blue. Not to mention, what even happened in the end? Did 'Mother' reincarnate herself? How? Why?

The weird nightclub scene and the pensioner sex scene are both two scenes I could do without.

The weird trickster guy who keeps pulling fake eyes/ears/noses out of nowhere. Again, he ruins the tone of the show. Not only that, continuity just doesn't exist with him. He says he's from England, but speaks English with an American accent. And then he says he grew up in Yugoslavia. Like, which one is it sweetie?

Why is this old man just randomly addicted to morphine?

You can't expect the audience to have a legitimate emotional response to character deaths if you introduce and kill off new characters so frequently, whilst simultaneously not really telling us anything about them that would cause us to care that they're gone.

Huh, what do you know, episode 8 was actually kind of good-ish, and the only reason it was good was because we were left with only two characters, the characters we've known right from the start, meaning we have at least some reason to care about them. And there's none of the random happy music. And Go keeps his Engrish to a minimum. And neither of them dies in a freak accident that gives the animators reason to show more body horror out of nowhere for shock value.

THE RAP BATTLE. At this point, I genuinely thought that this show had to be satirical. Like, there is just no way this is supposed to be a serious show. Again, the tone is non-existant now. For some reason this show likes to be really self-deprecating towards Japan at every available opportunity and they just went full speed with this rap battle. Like, I get that maybe the writers thought, oh, we've been showing a lot of bleak scenes, let's give some comedic relief. But that only works if you haven't had happy music blaring this entire time, combined with hilariously out-of-place English phrases and the weird Yugo-Brit-American guy with fake eyes, etc. That only works if this was a serious show to begin with.

I'm making a separate point just for the godawful animation during Kite's weather balloon scene. Jesus Christ.

The fact that they built a new mini-Japan/Tokyo for the surviving Japanese people, knowing full-well that Japan is going to re-emerge at some point, thus destroying this new island and killing its inhabitants in the process.

We're supposed to believe that nobody, not one nation, tried to claim the area that Japan was once in for themselves, supposedly as a good will to the Japanese people, even though it would be a prime location for fishing, etc. And there's definitely not enough Japanese people left to try and contest it.

I forgot to mention the fact that the intro doesn't match the show either.

There is a consistent issue with the show not understanding the tone it's supposed to be having. Combining the happy intro, happy music throughout, characters' lack of response to what's happening around them, laughable animation and random "comedy relief" aspects like the foreigner and the rap battle, you're left with a show that is unable to make you feel the way it wants you to feel. It seems like a joke, you want to see it as satirical, but the show continues to act like these events should be taken seriously. Now, I've seen anime that does this kind of thing before, having the tone of one genre whilst actually being another, but in a good way. An example would be Gakkou Gurashi (School Live). But Japan Sinks 2020 seems to do this unintentionally. It's just... Funny. I don't think I cared that a single character died. And that, in itself, is sadder than the entire show.

If you've made it through this post, congratulations. As someone who is both a writer and a fan of apocalyptic/natural disaster fiction, this show hit a nerve and I needed to speak out about it. Especially since I'm seeing it be praised so much online!

#japan sinks 2020 #japan sinks anime #netflix #anime #japan #natural disaster #apocalypse

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spockandawe · 4 years ago

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Oh, would you look at that, is it fish book pitch o’clock again? IT SURE IS!!

So, here’s my angle du jour. I’m a sucker for a feral and/or unsocialized fictional character, especially if the story puts them in a position where they either need or want to catch up to their peers on the social front. I didn’t really click with Jin Zixuan until I saw a post breaking down how his awkwardness made a lot of sense in terms of growing up isolated and undersocialized, and I really love takes on young Lan Wangji that really lean into him not knowing how to play with the other children. It’s more fanon than canon, given screentime, but I love takes on Mobei-jun that do the same thing. And! Outside of the cnovel world altogether, it’s part of why i would Die for both Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus. It’s so tasty!

And Jing-wang is a version of this that I don’t think I’ve seen before. I’ve had this bouncing around in my head for a while, but I can’t quite come up with any parallels. Jing-wang grew up isolated in one way because he was an imperial prince, with a dead mother and no surviving siblings. The boy doesn’t have many peers, and things are... messy with his half-brothers. But since he’s mute, he’s (theoretically) not in the running for the throne, and he’s not involved in as much political wheeling and dealing as the other princes. And also since he’s mute, communication with other people is a bit of an ordeal, and only a few people who are very close to him are good at interpreting him, outside of him writing things down. I get the idea that he does very well for himself at understanding and steering the political playing field, even if he’s not mixed up deeply in things himself, but he’s.... very not good when it comes to connecting with anyone on any kind of personal level.

But what delights me the most is that this mainly gets expressed through him being 1) a very devoted and well-meaning pet owner, 2) who is very BAD at being a pet owner.

It gets expressed in little funny ways that go by quickly, like in a stressful meeting, where Jing-wang is squeezing Li Yu’s back in a self-soothing way, and Li Yu is like ‘ow, OW, TOO HARD’ and swims away, and Jing-wang is like >:( for two seconds before Li Yu comes back and starts swimming through his fingers again, and Jing-wang realizes he was squeezing too hard. Or later on, after Li Yu’s been living in a huge tank, Jing-wang is like ‘okay, you live in this bottle now, so i can bring you Everywhere with me’ and Li Yu has to fake being unwell so that Jing-wang realizes that the bottle is way too small to be a permanent fish residence. Very quick little empathy things, where Jing-wang gets the intended message pretty darn quickly, but he still had to be taught the lesson in the first place.

But there’s also like... also early on, Li Yu gets a side quest to steal a pearl from the headdress of the Emperor’s favorite concubine. In the process of doing so, he soaks Jing-wang in front of the Emperor, accidentally slaps the concubine in the face, freaks her out, freaks her son out, accidentally frames the two of them for trying to hurt Jing-wang’s pet fish, and knocks the pearl loose... but sends it to the floor. Fortunately, Jing-wang notices that the fish seems REAL interested in this pearl, and retrieves it, but he’s also pissed at the fish for causing so much trouble.

So what does he do? He’s like ‘OKAY. FINE. You want this pearl? Well what I’m going to do is seal this pearl TIGHT inside a glass vial, and then I’m going to put that vial RIGHT in your tank, so you can see the pearl, but you can NEVER HAVE IT’, you know, like a normal human way to treat your pet fish. Only then, Li Yu had already felt bad about causing such a big scene, and sets up a whole apology where he offers Jing-wang his food (because it’s the only thing he has) and tries bowing in apology, and Jing-wang thinks something like ‘...as long as someone was willing to deal with him sincerely, even if they were a fish, he would treat them sincerely in return’ and he gives Li Yu the pearl.

First of all, I never knew I so desperately needed a book where a man tries to play psychological games with his pet fish, second of all, Li Yu is the sketchiest “““fish””” of all time, and third, oh my god Jing-wang how sheltered are you, how do you not realize that this is nowhere in the vicinity of being normal fish behavior??

(to be fair to him, it doesn’t take him that long to realize things are suspicious, and by the thirty-somethingth chapter he has a decent hypothesis for what the fock is going on with his pet fish)

And later in the book, after he knows that this fish is at least sometimes human-shaped, I’d already been pleasantly taken by surprise (in the mtl chapters) to realize that the relationship development involved Li Yu laying down boundaries and holding Jing-wang accountable when he tried getting around them. And like with the squeezing plot point, Jing-wang is very quick to get the message that something he did made this fish/person unhappy, to realize that he doesn’t want them to be unhappy, and to make a very serious effort to change his behavior so he doesn’t make that mistake again. I just hadn’t quite connected the dots to realizing that Li Yu was coaching him through a number of basic emotional development steps even before things reached the point of sex and consent, haha

(in fairness to me, I think Li Yu is extremely oblivious to all of this. which is one of my favorite flavors of character development in fiction, honestly? i love seeing this growth that’s driven by another person, but unintentionally so, so that two people end up drifting closer and closer, and becoming more and more important to each other, without that ever being something they deliberately work towards)

And I think that the idea that Li Yu is coaching Jing-wang through the steps of emotional growth is honestly supported by the other characters in the novel. In the “original” book, Jing-wang falls in love with and marries Chu Yanyu, who very definitely is not in love with him, and is happy to let Jing-wang get hurt and suffer on his behalf, through what sounds like a very unhappy, toxic relationship. In the book we get, all it takes is a little affection and attention from a pet fish, for Jing-wang to totally ignore what should have been Chu Yanyu’s entry into his life, and for him to continue ignoring Chu Yanyu no matter how many times he’s thrown/throws himself into Jing-wang’s path.

Jing-wang does have some people who care about him, but those relationships are... either unequal, or not-mutual, or made difficult in other ways. The Emperor cares about him, but has complicated feelings, since the Empress died shortly after Jing-wang’s birth, where she was already in poor health after losing two other sons, and it seemed like her health got worse after Jing-wang was born mute. The Emperor also tries not to pay him too much attention, because he’s ineligible to inherit the throne anyways, and paying him attention would make him more of a political target. Jing-wang’s main servant, Wang Xi, cares about him deeply, and is the most reliable interpreter for his nonverbal communication, but is also a servant, not a peer. And Jing-wang’s cousin (on his mother’s side) likes him a lot, but their temperaments are highly incompatible, and Jing-wang tends to get annoyed and throw him out when he comes to visit. (the rest of his mother’s family cares about him too, but Jing-wang isn’t a social beast, and doesn’t make himself terribly accessible either)

And like, early, early in the book, at that stressful meeting where Jing-wang squeezes the fish too hard, before things get stressful, the Emperor is completely derailed from the initial purpose of the meeting, because he’s so pleased that Jing-wang has something he cares about, even if it’s just a little pet fish. He continues to be increasingly pleased with this fish as the book goes on, and it’s both hella charming, but also very :( for what it says about how detached Jing-wang was from the world for the last twenty years of his life. And as of chapter 27, Li Yu is trying to meddle with the book plot to save Jing-wang’s cousin from a scheme that will ultimately see him dead, and Jing-wang just agreed to go with his cousin to the imperial palace, to keep an eye on him. And Wang Xi is so moved by this outreach from Jing-wang that he legit tears up.

Jing-wang is so isolated! Jing-wang is able to play politics, but he does not know how to deal with other people on a friendly social level, and Li Yu is accidentally helping him catch up! I was invested purely on the basis of ‘oh my godddd, jing-wang loves his fish so much,’ which he absolutely does, taking care of his fish is basically his number one priority, but that’s not nearly all there is to this situation! I’m so excited to read the chapters covering the initial relationship development as translated by a human, rather than a machine, because I just know there’s tasty, tasty emotional content in there.

I could have been totally happy with a book where Jing-wang remained cold and detached with one (1) exception, and that’s a relationship paradigm I totally enjoy reading, but seeing Li Yu accidentally teach him to open up and form attachments to other people too is so rewarding and I love it! I know later on, his cousin is falling in love at the same time he is, he has more dealings with his father, and his mother’s family enters the scene here and there, and I badly need to read it. This is just the best comfort food I could have asked for right now. It’s a lovely balance of cute, moving, and absolutely ridiculous, and has character development more gripping than I could have ever expected. I love it so much, you guys ;u;

#the disabled tyrant's pet palm fish #long post/#cnovel rec

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darkdevasofdestruction · 5 years ago

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Can I request ikesen Mitsuhide or Obey Me Mammon? Some unrequited love from the boys pov? Give me angst 😍 it can end in fluff if you want :)

Okay so, I LOVE Mitsuhide too much to be able to write unrequited love for him, but Mammon is so dumb that I love him in a way that he’s my Spirit Animal and I want to /Dab at him with all my might.

And wave a fan of money at myself while winking at him, telling him he ain’t ever gonna get my money.

Oh, sweet sweet torture for Mammo-MaMoney.

Also. this is a screenshot I took from the game and I thought it would kinda work :D

It’s already been half a year since you came to his realm, and honestly, you’ve been such a nuisance, especially how you managed to slither your way into making pacts with almost all of the 7 demon brothers, that he actually admired you so much, but had no idea how to admit it, both to himself, or to you.

Honestly, he never would have realised he was ACTUALLY, REALLY, GENUINELY in love with you, until Beelzebub or Asmodeus pointed it out to him, since his actions betrayed his very flamboyant and meaningless words and boasts that he keeps spouting all the time.

He’s really such a love sick puppy that it became sort of obvious to you as well, but...

But you only saw him as the weird and funny class clown who’d make you laugh, but you had other type, romantically speaking, so you decided to friendzone him gently...

Which basically meant you never gave him any hint that you liked him.

You wanted someone more serious, more intellectually and emotionally mature, more understanding.

More...Not MaMoney.

So of course, other demons like Lucifer or Satan seemed to attract your attention more easily, while you kept Mammon as your puppy.

That, at least, he realised, but in a way, he was okay with it, because he got to spend time with you, even if it was platonic, and not romantic, the way he hoped for, but you know, seeing your bright smile always managed to light up his day and get over all the shitty things everybody says about him.

And if HE was the cause of your smile or laugh?

He’d be OVER the moon.

But the fact that as soon as other demon came into the room made you go follow him, and leave Mammo alone, really broke his heart.

Or better said, when you saw how much you would shine around someone else.

He accepted his defeat and that maybe he really had a shit personality, because of his greediness, and didn’t deserve the love of such a beautiful person.

He definitely accepted that you were someone else’s and he was just a friend for you.

Ah...Did I say that?

I lied.

Because the second he found you crying, he rushed to you, holding you close to his chest, stroking your hair soothingly and threatening to kill the bastard who made you cry.

And at first, he thought that your crush rejected you, and a part of his heart kinda leaped in glee, thinking he’d get another chance.

But then you started apologising to him and he got incredibly confused, like-

???

You did nothing wrong to him, why apologise? You never abused him the way his brothers would, and your teasing and mocking never got as harsh as theirs, so it’s all cool.

“I was a blind fool not to realise that I actually liked you and not them. It took a long talk with Beel to realise that, and even more, that I hurt your feeling so much, and I feel horrible that I put you through all of that. I never meant to make fun of you or make you feel bad, because I really cherish you, as a friend and even more, and I don’t want to lose you, Mammo. I’m sorry.” you cried into his chest, and I don’t think he ever felt more thrilled in his entire demon life than he felt now.

He was almost shaking and bouncing from excitement.

“Y-You mean to say that you...You actually like me?! Not as a joke or prank or something?! I-I mean-...! Of course you’d like me, what a silly idea! Haha!” Mammon would try to bring back his faux appearance of narcissism, but it still faded away very easily as soon as you started giggling.

“I thought I wanted someone grounded and mature, serious all the time...But in reality, it got more clear to me that someone with a great sense of humour and who is actually very sensitive and in touch with his emotions would be a much better fit for me. And for that, I was the one to unintentionally push you away. I’m so sorry, Mammo...” you hung your head, but he freaked out because nobody ever apologised to him, what is he supposed to feel?!

“Babe, no, stop, wait! Look at me! The Amazing Mammon forgives you and would gladly date you, The Awesome Y/N! Come one, smile for me, it’s worth all the money in the world!” he flashed you one of his million dollar smiles that made your heart leap in happiness, as you put your arms around his neck and kisssed his cheeks, making him flush with embarrassment.

Mammon.exe stopped working.

Not that he ever worked anyways.

But damn, is he gonna spoil you rotten, his little princess that he loves so much.

(Yes, he would definitely steal others’ money and valuables to give them to you)

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dazais-guardian-angel · 4 years ago

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Time for my feels dump thoughts on Diabolical Box...! y’all, this game. this game. I don’t think people give it enough credit for... a lot of what it does, despite the messiness of the plot reveals... but it’s so special and unique, in ways I’m only now appreciating. also this is gonna be really REALLY fucking long I am so sorry, but I have a Lot to say about the ending parts... i just love this game so much...... so i wrote a fucking novel bc of course i did.

also i played this in October, completely unintentionally, so that’s noice.

The amount of voice acting and cutcenes in this compared to CV is amazing, I love it so much, even if it is funny sometimes the dialogue they choose to voice and then abruptly cut off a few lines later.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Luke jumping on Chelmey and trying to rip his face off and it’s just the funniest fucking thing omg; Hershel in the background going “NO LUKE THAT’S HIS FACE” is comedic gold.

Will we ever know what Hershel was going to say when Chelmey asked him what Luke’s relationship to him was... dammit Luke why’d you have to cut him off.

Hershel calling the hamster “generously proportioned” is amazing. also “I’ve always said that helping rodents in need is among the duties of every true gentleman” Hershel... please tell me what other situations have made you say that... please...

Why is there an entire subplot about finding this Karen’s dog, just to make Chelmey look like even more of an idiot? if they needed to pad the game out more, they definitely could have done it with flashbacks or in places that I’m... ahem... emotionally invested in

Flora’s treatment in this game is so infuriating to me, like... why did they think this was a good idea? What was the point of bringing her into the plot for NO other reason than to be kidnapped and impersonated? Was it literally just because they needed a way for Hershel and Luke to run into Don Paolo and get the box back from him??? Why couldn’t, idk, Katia run into him in Dropstone and get the box from him and save Flora, that would still get the box to her and keep Flora in the group, and it would tip them off to Katia being related to all this even earlier, and Don Paolo could still be shown there if he absolutely has to make an appearance in each game. I know it’s because he has to be built up and then revealed, and because Hershel always has to have a dramatic point-n’-reveal every game, but whyyyyyy does it have to be at the expense of Flora. :))))) It would have been interesting to see her reactions to Folsense and Anton and everything, and not have Katia be the only female involved in all this; maybe she could, you know, actually have a personality!! hahaaaa who am I kidding...

beluga: “it’s already been a year since she passed away” me: whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

Anderson talking about Dropstone and the sacrifices made to found it and how it can’t die out like “other towns”... with the song playing... whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

The sheer coincidence of Katia going to Folsense on the same day that Hershel and Luke would end up in Dropstone and then there, and on the 50th anniversary of the town... not a likely one.

Didn’t some versions of the game come with a real version of the train ticket to Folsense? I want it D:

i also want a real Elysian Box, like can i commission someone to make one minus the whole you know actual gold, please, i’ll pay aNYTHING- *sobs*

LUKE HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HERSHEL IS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, AFTER ALL THE ARCHEOLOGICAL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH

Hershel to “Flora”: “you’re as white as a sheet!” Don Paolo, minutes ago while the others aren’t looking: *furiously powdering his face mask or some shit*

Why was Anton’s diary lying in the street though... it doesn’t make sense that Katia or Beluga would have it, and they couldn’t open it anyhow. probably just a gameplay thing that should go unquestioned but I want to knowwww lol. Also wish Hershel and Luke had reactions to the entries.

Ilyana tho. Also bootleg Clive asdfghjkl

I LOVE THE TOWER OF HANOI PANCAKE PUZZLES

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the obsession with the tea set... like yeah it’s fun to serve tea when you actually get it right, but I’m stuck with like two recipes missing and getting frustrated just trying and trying countless ingredient combinations on end because some of the npcs are NOT helpful enough in telling what to make :))))

Obviously Katia can’t reveal anything or say anything about why she’s there at all to keep the suspense till the end, but it would have been cool to see her working together with them and making a plan to get into the castle and help Anton aka I just wanted more scenes with Anton being nice and not flying into a rage over a misunderstanding ugh

It’s honestly pretty impressive some of the deductions/connections Chelmey makes in this game, despite his... other incredibly stupid ones lol

“iSnT iT oBvIoUs?”

WHY DOES HERSHEL RISK KILLING LUKE (AGAIN) WITH THE BOX. And why tf does it not do anything to them since they assumed it would...?

The biggest mystery of the series is how Pavel gets where he does, truly

The music in the forest is truly one of the best osts, god I love it. I also adore the Herzen Castle ost now, I never really noticed it before but it is WONDERFULLY creepy and heavy and melancholic and just... idk, those harpsicords go hard. damn.

Opening the Elysian Box is the best puzzle in the series, because of the meaning behind it. Or at least, it’s my favorite for that reason :^)

Alright folks so I’m gonna be completely, unabashedly honest here, and reveal myself to be the superficial, shallow fucker I am lmao: Anton is super hot and I’m still attracted to him even now, and I hate that we get so little time with younger him dklslskdfkflssd I AM SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY. BLAME THE VOICE ACTOR, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SOUND SO UNEXPECTEDLY DEEP AND INCREASE ANTON’S HOTNESS LEVEL BY 1000%... just. god damn. damn. the dining room scene. the lighting. the way he puts his hands down and closes his eyes at one point. the way he says Herzen. the freaking sass with “chalk it up to my bad taste then.” the little clap. his entire design which just oozes Victorian era anime bishie beauty. kudos to the character designer who was like “well they said make someone cool and handsome and i wasn’t sure what to do but i tried and i guess it worked out” GOOD SIR BOY DID YOU SUCCEED. how dare this man turn me on so much, fUCK. And I know it’s super shitty of me to not like his old design as much!!! but just!!! why the beak nose.... why.... he was so gorgeous and then you give him the Bronev nose treatment..... i’m already so sad over the ending but you make him look so much sADDER, THE SADDEST POSSIBLE DESIGN FOR OLDER ANTON. It’s not that I mind him being old, I just wish he looked more like himself... there didn’t need to be such a drastic change. But I know I’m just being petty lmao. anyway stan Anton for most beautiful PL character always 🙏 Descole and Clive’s hotness have nothing on this man

*ahem* But to get back to serious topics, replaying this now when I’m older, with the ones after it in mind, I think I finally realize why this game stands out to me so much from the others, making it my favorite. To put it as best I can, Diabolical Box, to me at least, just has a different feel from all the other PL games. Yes, it’s still definitely a Layton game, you still investigate a mystery, there’s still puzzles everywhere, it still has a relaxing city or country feel to the atmosphere, there’s still lots of charm, but once you hit Folsense and the climax and the ending reveals, the tone sort of... shifts? Not drastically, but enough that’s different from any point in all the other games that I can remember; I feel like Last Spector might have the closest kind of atmosphere to Folsense at certain parts, but even then the plot of that game is nowhere near to having the same tone as this one. Diabolical Box, when you really look close at it and think about it, is dark. Dark in a way that none of the other games are, despite the darkness some of the others do have. And I think part of that is because almost every other game/movie is connected to the overarching story involving Hershel’s past and people involved with him, and so the drama and angst is very much grounded in London or other places Hershel would be/was, and in his time, but Diabolical Box is unique in that the story and characters in it have nothing to do with him. And to reflect this, Anton and Sophia’s story is based in the early 1900′s, the Victorian era, in a city so far separated from, again, everything to do with Hershel, that if you were to just watch their story by itself and take the professor and Luke out of it, and you knew nothing about the series, you could reasonably argue that it isn’t from a Professor Layton game at all. What I mean is that Anton’s story could be an entire anime all on its own surely it’s not obvious how badly I want that, nope, not at all, completely separate from this series, and it would work; it could be its own period era-esque drama series, still with all the supernatural shit intact later on. I can think of a few existing anime similar to what I’m imagining.

And I really do think it would be amazing, because like I said this story is terribly, terribly dark, and sad; as a PL game, like a lot of the other ones, it can’t go deep into the nitty gritty of what makes Anton’s story so fucking depressing, but just like... Imagine it. Imagine being alone, for so long in that castle, so long that you don’t even know how long it’s been anymore, with virtually no one, after having your heart broken and being abandoned by the person you loved the most, and who you thought loved you, and getting no closure about it. This long post goes a ton of detail about Anton’s character and things he was probably feeling/reasons for his behavior, but in short, Anton’s mother is never mentioned, so combined with how distant he was from his father and the fact that he feels alone in his role in society and that no one truly sees him as a real person, it’s quite possible that he clung to Sophia unconsciously as a mother figure, and, in general, she was the only person who made him feel seen, and loved. The only exception was Beluga, but Beluga leaves the town and Anton behind after quarreling with their father, so... It’s just extremely apparent when you read the diary entries and his dialogue (with the voice acting) that Anton was always alone and terribly insecure, and that Sophia made him the happiest he ever was - and so her leaving him was devastating to him. He was alone for fifty years (and who knows how long it actually felt, to him), in a lonely castle and emptying town, his entire family either left or dead, his body slowly aging without him even knowing it, while he had a daughter and granddaughter born without even knowing it, and all the while he’s left with the misunderstanding that Sophia might have loved someone “better” than him all along, never getting answers, having to live with all that grief and guilt and blame and jealousy and self-hatred over a situation that wasn’t even entirely true. Imagine what your MENTAL STATE would be like, jfc it’s a miracle he’s as sane as he is in the game!! Not to mention everything that crashes down on him within TEN MINUTES AT THE END. Yes, Unwound Future and the prequels very purposefully heap the angst on with Clive/Dimitri and Descole respectively, like “we are trying so hard to make you feel for this guy cry cry cry” and I fall for it like the trash i am love them too, don’t get me wrong, but Anton’s tragedy is much more understated but in my opinion is by far the absolute saddest of them all. I just... i’m crying y’all, this poor man. give him a fucking HUG. Anton Did Nothing Wrong 2k20; he doesn’t even hurt the people he lures in with his vampire scheme!! he lets them go without a scratch!!! what a guy... give him a hug and blankets please i love him so much, him and Sophia- *sobs*

and also as a side note, I honestly think Descole/Desmond would fit perfectly into this game for a lot of these reasons, in the trend of “trying to fit Descole into the first trilogy”; he’s got the right Aesthetic™ for one thing, but mainly just he and Anton have a LOT in common...! actually, now that I think about it, Randall and Anton do too, but I much prefer the notion of Descole and Anton interacting. honestly, I’m toying with the idea of an AU where Desmond and resurrected Aurora end up in Folsense and solve that mystery themselves instead of Hershel and Luke; i think it’d be fascinating.

However, by the same token, as much as I LOVE this game and characters for all of those reasons... it also makes no fucking sense ahaha. How the FUCK does the gas work. The illness that started killing people when the ore was first unearthed and is the reason everyone starts leaving, is THAT from the gas I assume?? but like why?? cause eventually it just turns to making the town appear as it was years ago and keeping people young, so...? ARE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE NOT ACTUALLY THERE, OR THEY ARE AND ARE JUST YOUNG LIKE ANTON; I’m still not clear on this!! because Hershel at the end says they’re illusions, and yet when you talk to the npcs so many of them complain about being tired and feeling old, so what is the truth!! It would make sense if newcomers see the town as it is in the pictures, but there’s no reason for them to not age... in fact, I don’t understand where the not aging thing comes from at ALL, since if the idea is that the gas makes what you think will happen happen, how tf did that even come about in the first place??? There’s no way everyone who inhaled the gas would think the exact same things and have the exact same hallucination. And if fifty years passed in reality, how long did it feel like to Anton/others; surely it couldn’t have been that long if they never questioned why they weren’t aging? If the gas in the box put Schrader in a coma, what was his theory about what would happen? Why does nothing happen to Hershel and Luke upon opening it when they clearly assume something will happen? Related to other things, how does the box become the source of a rumor, and how does Schrader even get it? Do people just assume Anton is dead or otherwise gone, or do they know/assume he’s still in the castle but don’t try to see him because of the vampire? Does Beluga know Anton is still there, if he does it’s pretty shitty of him to ignore him, and why does he think the box has to do with the fortune of all things if he possibly knew Sophia wanted it and knew it had something to do with her and Anton (seriously I don’t understand Beluga, I really wish they’d done more with him; he looks so shitty even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knew the least amount possible)??? Did Sammy know that the drugged flowers related to getting into Folsense? Did Katia know how to get into Folsense, and what was she planning to do if she never found the box in order to prove she was who she said she was? Why do some of the npcs act like they know the deep dark secret of Folsense and keep saying Hershel and Luke don’t need to know, and keep talking about the town being cursed, like do they really know the truth?? Or not??? LEVEL-5 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I’M TOO DUMB TO FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS. EVEN LAYTON VS. WRIGHT’S STUPID REVEALS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THIS AAAAAHHHH

anyway DB best game anton hot Even with all the weirdness though that makes this game the most Layton the Layton series has ever Layton’d lmao, I still love Diabolical Box so damn much. I love it so much, guys. It’s not part of a huge narrative, it’s not connected to the main characters; it tells its own little story and it does that perfectly. It’s so unique from all the rest, like I said, the plot has so much depth I don’t really see talked about, Anton and Sophia’s story is so beautifully tragic and underrated on a mature level that none of the other games really reach, and despite how upset I am we don’t get to see more of them, their love story is so impactful and emotional just from what little we do see, despite some of the oddities of how it plays out... they’re so sweet together and I cry so damn much over them ಥ⌣ಥ Iris is one of the most beautiful and touching songs in the series, too, and my favorite. And I’m a sucker for the Victorian era and cute romance lmao, so it just gets me like nothing else does... it’s so wonderful. saddest PL game, I will die on this hill. Even if I seem to talk a lot more about some of the other games/characters simply because there’s more content to talk about and there’s more to say about the more flawed content. you can’t improve perfection *chef’s kiss*, deep down, I think, this game will always be my favorite. ❤️

#professor layton #professor layton spoilers #meta #'thoughts post' more like Dana Rants An Entire Novel of Feels #but what is tumblr for if not this amiright #anton and sophia utterly destroy me and they always will #there's not much shown but what IS shown is so goddamn devastating and painful and bittersweet #i don't ship much but they're one of my otps so u know they good :')#i wanted to say even more here but i felt so guilty for how fucking massive this post was alksdfkfl;ss i cut some of it out already #i can kinda relate to Anton though tbh.... not getting closure on a relationship ending is truly painful; it's one of the worst things ever #so i feel for him </3 #and i love him #protect anton herzen always #and stan DB always

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shitty-marvel-fan732 · 5 years ago

Text

Cuddles and Pick Up Lines

Hello all! I present to you an unedited one shot that is my first attempt at writing Peter Parker! If you like it, let me know with a like or reblog!

“Hey Pete, are you made of copper and tellurium?”, I asked, fingers absentmindedly threading through his chocolate brown locks. Peter hummed lightly in response, eyes shut.

“Cause you’re Cu-Te”, I grinned. His lips quirked upwards in a small smile briefly before it disappeared. He was still, eyes remaining closed, but he couldn’t fight the small amount of pink that was creeping its way up his neck. He was laying tangled with me as we cuddled on his bed. His head laid softly on my chest, arms wrapped tightly around my waist and legs intertwined with mine. His eyes were closed and his face was beginning to look peaceful.

“Funny”, he muttered sarcastically. My smile widened.

“I’m serious babe. You must have 11 protons cause you are sodium fine”, I giggled. Peter chuckled lightly, the gentle vibrations across my body prompting me to continue. “I wish I were adenine; that way I could be paired with U”.

Peter still didn’t open his eyes, but he couldn’t fight the sweet smile that overtook his soft features nor the raging blush covering his entire face. He snuggled his head even further into the crook of my neck in a vain effort to conceal his reaction. The move did little to convince me of his nonchalance-- as I could now feel the heat from his cheeks radiating to my own skin. I shivered unintentionally, and decided to momentarily give up on my playful assault and simply revel in our peaceful embrace.

Moments like this weren’t uncommon by any means, practically a daily occurrence at this point, but that didn’t diminish my desire to live within this feeling forever. Though I rarely voiced it to Peter, I was perpetually worried that there would be a day he wouldn’t come back to me. A day when I was forced to contemplate life on my own, without these soft cuddles and gentle conversations. A life without Peter. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn and my hands begin to shake.

At first when I’d found out about my boyfriend’s, shall we say, extracurricular nighttime activities I was a wreck; I was nervous all the time and I distanced myself from him in a pathetic attempt to save my sanity. Eventually I’d come to the realization that being away from Peter was just as bad (if not worse) for my anxiety; now I preferred to cope by throwing myself into my relationship with as much effort as I could. I savored every minute that I got with my sweet boy. Peter, thankfully, was more than relieved at my conclusion and too seemed to relish the time we shared.

“I love you”, he murmured into the crook of my neck, voice so soft I barely caught it. My heart picked up speed instantly at his gentle admission and my stomach erupted into a flurry of butterflies. It amazed me that after all we've been through, first as friends and then as a couple-- all the sweet moments, each tender word and gentle caress still affected me as profoundly as the first. Instinctively, my arms tightened their grip around my sweet boyfriend and I felt the way Peter’s smile widened against my neck, smug at the reaction he caused. Damned spidey-senses.

“And I love you bug”, I hummed lightly, fingers returning to their previous ministrations and threading across the wispy curls that littered his forehead. Peter sighed, practically purring at the soft touches.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, I questioned gently, voice breaking the peaceful silence. It had been clear since the moment I’d met up with him after school that there was something off with Peter. His normally soft brown eyes had lost a little of their natural sparkle, and he was almost eerily quiet. Ordinarily after the last bell I was greeted with the welcome sights and sounds of my eager boyfriend already chattering away about whatever topic, but this afternoon he’d been practically silent. Today I’d had to reach out first to link our hands together, when usually I was barely out of my last class of the day before he was already latched to my side. The usual easy flow of conversation between us had been strained, the majority of speaking coming from me with only sparse hums of acknowledgement from Peter. Rather than pressure him for an explanation, I’d simply guided us toward his apartment and immediately pulled the troubled boy down onto his bed for cuddles once we'd arrived. We’d laid wrapped up together for a while, and now that I was more confident in his headspace I was hopeful for some answers for his very un-Peter-like behavior. He groaned.

“You’re gonna think it’s stupid”, he muttered. My fingers abruptly stopped their gentle dance within his chocolate locks at his statement, brows furrowing. I softly pulled his face from its hiding spot in the crook of my neck and looked him directly in the eyes.

“Peter, something that bothers you could never be stupid to me”, I scolded lightly. He sighed once more, eyes closing once more as he practically shoved his face back into my side.

“I think it’s stupid”, he grumbled stubbornly. I remained silent, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“It’s just...I overheard Flash and some of his friends talking last period about me- about Spiderman. Stuff like how he- how I’m just some loser in spandex trying to be the next Iron Man. How I didn’t even do anything important for anyone, and that I’d be forgotten by next year. Just got in my head I guess”, he mumbled, voice trailing off near the end.

My heart practically tore in two at the defeat and hurt that laced Peter’s soft voice. No wonder he’d been so off.

“Oh my sweet boy”, I sighed, tucking him tighter against my body protectively. “I’m so so sorry Pete. But you have to know that they're just jealous, teenage morons right?”.

“I mean...yeah. I guess”, he whispered near inaudibly.

“But?”, I probed gently, sensing that there was more. Peter sighed again, this time more aggressively than before as he abruptly sat up and rested his head against the wall behind us.

“It’s just so freaking hard!”, he exclaimed, hands flying wildly to demonstrate his frustration. “I mean, I work so hard and I give up so much for this city and for what? Assholes like them? I sacrifice an honest relationship with May, time I could be spending with you, and just a normal freaking existence, all for people who don’t even care! For all the cops who try to arrest me whenever they see me, all the criminals that don't even take me seriously, and idiots like Flash and his friends who will never understand what I do for them. It sucks that to know I'm hurting people close to me over it too, like, I know May knows something is different and that it hurts her that I won't tell her, ya know? And you, you're anxious all the time because you're worried about me. I mean, you almost even left me because of Spiderman, and yet I still stick with it like the idiot I am hoping that I make a difference to this city. It just feels so pointless sometimes”.

By the end of his small rant his face was almost entirely covered in red and pink splotches and his eyes began to water with unshed tears. Typically I was the person who always seemed to know what to say; friends and family often came to me with their issues because I was admittedly pretty good at talking people off the ledge and comforting them. But in this moment I felt my brain nearly shut down at Peter's broken expression. What could I, or anyone for that matter, say? Peter was right, his life wasn't fair. It hurt me deeply to think about what went on in his head everyday, all the responsibilities and pressure that was thrust upon him. I'd always been amazed at Peter's ability to remain so sweet and kind despite the things he's seen and been through, and his outburst today only confirmed just how difficult it was for him to maintain his demeanor with his new obligations. I sucked in a breath through my teeth and opened my arms to him once more in invitation. Peter willingly allowed himself to lay across my chest once more, arms encircling me tightly and head resting under the tip of my chin.

"I've been circling around in my head all afternoon, trying to figure out why I even care what they think. I mean, I didn't become Spiderman for people to like me. I started because I thought people in this neighborhood deserved to feel safe. I do it to protect you, and May, and Ned, and Mr. Delmar, and anyone else that calls this place home. But even so, to hear them say those things so casually and out loud just…", he sniffed, and I began to rub his back slowly as I felt his tears begin to soak through the thin fabric of my t-shirt.

"Hurts", I supplied quietly. Peter nodded against my chest and sniffled. I pressed my cheek to the crown of his head, leaving a soft kiss in my wake. I breathed in the comforting scent of his shampoo deeply before pulling back from his embrace and taking his face in my hands. I bored my own gaze into his puffy, reddened eyes and rubbed small circles over his still tense jawline.

"Bug, there is nothing that I can say or do that'll make that pain go away, not completely, and for that I'm so sorry. But what I can tell you is how incredibly proud I am of you. Not just as Spiderman, I'm proud of you: Peter Benjamin Parker, because you are the sweetest, kindest, smartest, and most selfless person I have or will ever have met. You take so much on your shoulders everyday that I can't even begin to imagine, and you're right. Sometimes it does suck, and there will always be people like those assholes that make you feel like it's all for nothing, but they're wrong”, I began, voice already shaking with emotion and eyes filling with tears. Peter’s eyes darted downward, expression doubtful. Frowning, I placed my fingers under his chin, yanking his face back level with mine.

“I’m serious Peter. You do so much for so many people, and I'm honestly amazed by you every single day. You know as well as I do that those people you've helped will never forget you, and that you matter to them. You matter to me, and to May, and to Ned, and MJ, and your teachers, and to Tony, and to everyone you meet because as soon as you open that cute little mouth of yours people can't help but love you. The fact that you even care about what they think is just a testament to how kind-hearted and genuine you are as a person”, I continued.

Peter’s tears were still falling steadily, but the way his eyes remained focused on me and hands had steadied in my own lead me to throw in one last plea.

“And, just for the record, if you ever decide one day that you don't want to be Spiderman anymore, I'll still be here. Because Spiderman may be this city's superhero, but you're my hero. I love you Peter, never ever forget that".

I choked a little on the final word, hot tears that had gathered in my eyes early on in my little speech finally beginning to fall. Peter's eyes never left mine as I spoke, and though he had stopped crying there were still tear tracks visible, marring the soft skin of his cheeks. He didn't hesitate long after I finished speaking, placing his hands roughly on my hips and closing the small gap between our bodies with the speed only a superhuman could. His lips attached immediately to mine, moving with an urgency that took me by surprise.

Generally speaking, Peter was exactly how he seemed: sweet, gentle, and a little bit timid-- especially when it came to intimate moments. I found it adorable how he was typically so gentle and tender with me, but the way he was kissing me now made my entire body feel as though it had caught fire. His mouth was pressed against mine so hard that it was almost painful, and his normally gentle fingers were squeezing my hips roughly. Somewhere beneath the Peter-induced fog that had completely taken over my brain, I briefly considered the fact that there would more than likely be bruises there later. Somehow, the thought only made the fire in my body burn hotter. I reciprocated with fervor, trying desperately to convey my sincerity and adoration for Peter through my touch. I moaned unintentionally into his mouth as his tongue roamed freely in mine, causing his lips to quirk into a smug smirk against my own.

Eventually I reluctantly pulled away from the frenzied embrace, breathing heavy and forehead resting on Peter’s. Peter, however, was having none of this; he pulled gently away from my leaning head and began placing sweet kisses to my cheeks. I sat and caught my breath, reveling in the feeling of my boyfriend’s soft lips against my skin. After a while, Peter slowed his loving assault and leaned back against the wall, pulling my body into his chest. I sighed, snuggling deeper into his side in a mirrored image of the way we’d laid only minutes before.

“I love you”, Peter mumbled, lips leaving yet another kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you”.

“Anytime Pete. Literally, anytime”, I replied softly before placing a soft kiss to his collarbone. Peter chuckled, the feeling reverberating through our linked bodies. I raised my head to look him in the eyes, and quirked my own brow in silent question.

“Nothing, it’s just..”, Peter started, chuckling once more. I furrowed my brow even more.

"Only you would not only know a whole bunch of nerdy pickup lines, but use that strange collection of knowledge to cheer me up”, he finished, grinning wildly down towards me. I felt my face flush.

“Oh shut up, you know you love it”, I grumbled.

I felt his chest shake with yet another bout of laughter, and I responded by childishly shoving my head deeper into his chest with a small huff of embarrassment. Eventually the shaking slowed and stopped. Peter’s strong fingers hooked under my chin, forcing my head up to face his own. I began to protest, but the words died out in my throat when I saw the way Peter was looking down at me. At first, I noted with a twinge of pride how his cheeks were still pink and flushed looking and his lips red and swollen from our previous antics-- his hair was beautifully mussed (thanks to me), but it was the look in his eyes that truly made my heart flutter. When I’d first met up with him this afternoon his eyes had lost the sparkle they held now, his coffee brown irises were as dull as I’d ever seen and exuded his discomfort and sadness. Now, he was smiling so widely that he had crinkles on the edges of his eyes and his eyes held nothing but love and mischief. It was the spark of love and sweetness that screamed of Peter.

“I do”, he stated softly. “I love you y/n/n. So much”.

My heart fluttered, and I was overwhelmed with affection for the loveable dork. I lunged forward and captured Peter’s lips with my own once more; this kiss was different than the previous. This kiss was sweet, loving, and packed with emotion. Eventually, I pulled slowly back from Peter and rested my head on his shoulder once more.

“I love you too Bug. More than you know”, I murmured. Peter hummed in response, arms wrapping tighter around my form.

“I do have one question though”, he mentioned nonchalantly.

“What’s that?”, I replied.

“Are you into chemistry?”, he wondered thoughtfully. I raised an eyebrow, head moving slightly to look questioningly at Peter.

“Uh, I’m more of a physics girl I guess?”, I answered, confusion lacing my tone. “Why do you ask?”.

“Because I LAB you”, he stated proudly, face splitting into a wide grin.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #soft! boy peter #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman homecoming #spiderman ffh #marvel mcu #mcu imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine

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floralseokjin · 6 years ago

Text

— crystallised 03 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past...fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart... Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

pairing; min yoongi x reader, kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings; love triangle (? if you can call it that, more so just a lot of confused feelings by everyone involved), college au, one flashback (indicated by italics) with some smut, angst, seokjin is sweet and cute and my heart can’t take much more! words; 16,158

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

“Hi, can I come in?”

Seokjin hesitated. You could see it in his eyes too. You didn’t blame him. He was probably wondering a million and one things right now. Like why you were here at something past eleven in the night, and why were you looking the way you did? Face puffy, dried tears and mismatched clothing on. The colour of your pants clashing with that of your t-shirt. To put it frankly, you looked a complete mess.

“I… You want to come in?” He changed the direction of his sentence right at the start. You nodded but you thought he missed it, turning his head to look behind him for a second. You didn’t miss the way he inched the door closer to him, blocking your view of inside his house as he stood out on the step. He didn’t have socks on. His feet were probably cold. You shook your head. Your mind was making you pick up on the trivial.

But when Seokjin spoke again you were sure his tone was quieter. As if he didn’t want someone to hear him. “What’s happened?” He did sound worried though. It made you want to pour your heart out. Stupid, you knew, but you couldn’t help the need deep inside you. You just wanted to talk to someone. Talk to him.

You got to opening your mouth before you were interrupted. A voice calling his name. “Seokjin?” It got louder. In the back of your mind you realised you knew the voice. “What’s going o…” It only came to you when you saw her face. Jemma. She trailed off in surprise, stopping behind him. His body covered most of the doorway but she could definitely see your face between the gap of one of his shoulders and the wooden frame.

“Jin?” She prodded, sounding awfully interrogating. He sighed lightly, almost like he’d accepted his fate and opened the door wider again. Jemma’s body came into full view. Her mouth was open, taken aback, but she still managed to glare at you.

“Oh, my god,” you murmured, seized in shock yourself. Cheeks heating up with embarrassment you looked at Seokjin. “I’m sorry. I’ll just go.” You were an idiot. You’d unintentionally interrupted something, because of course you had. Turning up unannounced and so randomly was always going to cause a problem. You just hadn’t expected it to be Jemma. But then…why wouldn’t it be her? She was the one talking about him in the library. Interest laced in her tone, implication deep in her words. She had wanted him… She had gotten him…

The distaste was heavy on your tongue. Almost like your second betrayal of the night. It was a silly thought. Seokjin didn’t owe you anything, but you were already so hurt and sad, and you didn’t like the other girl. Possibly uncalled for seeing as you didn’t know her all that well, but it was just a feeling you had. You couldn’t ignore it, and definitely not now.

“This was a mistake.” You were almost talking to yourself. Scolding yourself as you turned to dash back to your car.

“No!” Seokjin’s voice raised in volume as he called out to you and you felt his hand wrap around your wrist. You stopped, his hand falling to yours, tugging it gently, wanting you to face him again. “No. No. Wait.” Against better judgement, you did just that. Your hands stayed locked together until you both noticed Jemma staring at them. Seokjin pulled away, scratching behind his ear as he looked across at the other girl. “Um. Jemma, do you mind if this ends now? Like we take a raincheck on…this…?”

Shit. You hadn’t been expecting that. Despite him stopping you from leaving, you didn’t realise he’d ask Jemma to do just that instead. Duh. You were so stupid. You should say something, but you were still a little mortified, even more so now, and you guessed the damage was already done…

“You want me to leave?” She exclaimed, and something about her attitude seemed to rub Seokjin up the wrong way.

“Yeah,” he said, tone abrupt. “Something’s come up. It’s kinda important, so.” He gave a little shrug and there was a moment of silence. It seemed to last an age. You stared at your feet. When you heard a noise of disbelief from Jemma, you looked up to see her storming for her shoes a little down the hall.

“You cannot be serious.” She muttered under her breath, pushing them on aggressively. She was red in the face. Possibly with anger. Possibly with her own embarrassment. Seokjin went to open his mouth to say something when she grabbed her coat, but she shot him a look, nearly barging straight into him on her way out the door. He managed to sidestep it. For some reason she didn’t try to do the same to you, but the glare was enough. Oh, God. What had you done? Tonight was one mess after the other.

You didn’t look back but you could hear her getting into her car across the road. Slamming the door, kickstarting the car loudly and then she was gone as she sped off. The road was filled with silence again. “Shit, Seokjin.” It was all you could say. “You didn’t have to do that.”

You gave him a quick, hopefully subtle, once over. You couldn’t help it. Why had Jemma been here? Had you interrupted something? Your stomach felt funny just at the thought. Yet, Seokjin had been more than okay with virtually kicking her out. He wasn’t dressed out of the ordinary. Yeah maybe his t-shirt seemed to be ironed and he was wearing his best jeans, but nothing special special… Maybe he’d taken her out somewhere casual? A date…? Seokjin was dating now?

“No, it’s fine,” he replied, shaking his head. He didn’t seem particularly bothered. About that. But with you, he was looking at you with wide eyes, they shook a little as he tried to read your face. “Now tell me what’s up.” You’d never heard him sound so worried. “Come inside.”

He didn’t take your hand this time, so when he stepped inside you were still stood in front of the doorstep. Frozen. You didn’t want to pour your heart out anymore. You couldn’t pour your heart out. You were being selfish. Turning up at Seokjin’s door like he owed you something, flipping his night unexpectedly upside down. What did you want? Why were you here? Nothing made sense. None of it did. Your argument with Yoongi. How that led to him breaking up with you, like he’d been racking it through his brains for days, weeks… Ignoring your actual friends in favour of running to a guy who was just trying to live his goddamn life in peace. You weren’t a part of his life now. Hadn’t been in so long. Yet, why was he the only face you wanted to see right now…?

“I should go,” you whispered, turning to make a quick escape, but Seokjin was quicker. His hand found you again. This time it was your waist. Fingers digging into your side firmly, weight holding you down. He felt warm. He felt nice. It comforted you, and your face crumpled, emotion tearing at you.

“You’re freaking me out. Come inside.” His tone was firm. It wasn’t an offer, and maybe yeah, you didn’t want to leave. You didn’t know what you wanted. That seemed to be a running problem. But you followed him inside, missing the warmth of his touch and kicking off your shoes where Jemma had grabbed hers.

“You knock on my door, looking like you’ve been crying.” He carried on. When you turned to look at him he began searching your expression again, desperate for some kind of answer. “Everything okay with your parents?”

“Yeah,” you answered straight away, surprised by his kind question. “Everything’s fine.” For the most part. You mean, except for your relationship falling apart in the blink of an eye not even an hour ago, your life was fine. A loving family, good friends, your grades were high. It was all fine. Just now you didn’t have Yoongi. You didn’t have the guy you had thought was the one anymore…

“It’s just…” You began, your voice small and shaky. You hated it. Hated Seokjin seeing you like this. It was mortifying. Why were you here again? But he listened carefully, eager to learn the problem. Immensely worried. Shit. You were such a bitch. “Yoongi broke up with me.”

The words sounded strange on your tongue. Like they hadn’t come from you. It was all very well thinking it in your head but now it was out loud. You sounded pathetic. Seokjin’s expression froze, his eyes widening a tad, unable to blink. Slowly his brows creased together, the most puzzled look etching its way on his face. He sounded just as bewildered.

“What?”

It was the last thing he’d been expecting. You knew immediately. But really there was never going to be a plausible reason for knocking at his door near to midnight. “He just broke up with me.” You couldn’t seem to go into more detail. It also seemed you couldn’t cry anymore. You were still in shock, and your dried tears made your eyes heavy.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I-I don’t really know why I did.” Broken thoughts were bouncing around the front of your mind. Honestly, what were you thinking right now. Panicked you took a step backwards. “I’m just not thinking straight. I should—

“Just slow down.” Seokjin reached for you, hand on your shoulder. His voice was soft when he continued and you didn’t like it. It was a pity voice. He pitied you. “Start from the beginning.”

“But I shouldn’t have come here.” Your voice was a whine. It would be easier if he just told you to get lost instead of feeling like he had to be nice to you. He didn’t owe you anything. You knew that. Yet here you were, looking for it.

“Like I care about that,” he scoffed. It shut you up. “You’re here now, and you’re not going until I get answers—In the least creepiest way possible.” He added, a small smile twitching at his mouth. You looked at him. It felt like nothing could cheer you up right about now, but you appreciated the sentiment.

“C’mon, let’s sit down,” he murmured, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You followed him with dragging footsteps. Sitting on his couch with something swirling in your stomach. Guilt. You just didn’t know what or who for.

Seokjin had to prod eventually because your mouth wouldn’t work without questions and your voice still didn’t feel like yours. “Yoongi broke up with you?” His tone was careful, bordering awkward, just like the situation you’d put him in. At no point in the last couple of weeks did he agree to be any type of emotional support to you, but here you were. Maybe that’s why you felt guilty? But you nodded anyway. “When?”

“Like an hour ago.”

Seokjin made something of an exhale in shock. It wasn’t supposed to be loud. You weren’t supposed to hear it probably, but you did. He hadn’t expected that. Hadn’t expected you to turn up at his door pretty much immediately afterwards. You hadn’t either. Your gaze fell around the room, trying to distract yourself. Sandeul’s door was wide open, empty, signalling he wasn’t at home. You could also see the opening to the kitchen from where you were sat and something caught your eye. Caught you by surprise. You looked at the coffee table in front of you. Two wine glasses. Both pretty full. Like the people drinking had been interrupted. You had sabotaged his night. What an idiot you were.

“Why? How?” Seokjin’s voice grabbed your attention again. Rushing his questions without much thought until they slipped from his tongue. “I mean, I’m not forcing you to talk but I’m just so confused…”

“I don’t know.” Yoongi’s reasonings were still swirling around your head. The weight of them still heavy on your chest. There were honestly a lot of things on your mind right now. This night was just getting worse. You looked down at your lap. “I’m a little in shock. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah… It’s fine. Honestly,” he spoke sincerely. It just made the guilt rise. “We can just sit in silence. Anything that makes you feel better.”

“No.” You shook your head. You weren’t apologising over that. “I’m sorry I turned up at your door uninvited. Ruined your date.” Your eyes found his kitchen again. The stacked plates by the sink. You thought of Jemma sitting where you were minutes before. Wine glass in her hand after agreeing to spend the night. She could finally drink if she wasn’t driving home, but then you turned up.

It could’ve been different though. They could’ve spent the night together. Your stomach lurched, a visual inside your mind you didn’t ask for. It was unjustified. To feel this way. Seokjin was free to do whatever he wanted. Sure had been for months. It just made you feel weird to know any later and you would’ve turned up at his door interrupting a very different moment. With Jemma. Jemma, out of all the girl’s at college? Argh. Again, unjustified. You wanted to scream. Your mind was just a tornado of emotions.

“Huh? No. Oh shit, no. You didn’t ruin anything.” He seemed confused at first but turned eager to reassure you. It didn’t though. He tried again. “It wasn’t even really a date.” You watched him shrug offhandedly. It wasn’t? It sure looked like a date. He realised your confusion and sighed a little. “It’s a bit complicated.”

You frowned. He seemed a little frazzled over his own problems and here you were offloading more shit on him. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, but your tongue wouldn’t work. Maybe you were too afraid of the answer. It was stupid. You thought he noticed.

“Look, it’s not about me right now,” he smiled. Almost like he was trying to reassure you. “I’m fine and you’re not, so please, let me be there for you.”

His words made you chest feel a little tight. Like you could burst into tears again in seconds. Someone being nice to you when you were upset just made the dam collapse. That was usually the case. But in this case, it could very well be something else. His words weren’t Seokjin-like. Not the Seokjin you were used to anyway.

You took a while to speak again, lulling into silence. He really didn’t want to pressure you, and in turn that gradually made you want to open up more. Yoongi’s words floated around your head like a bad memory. A very recent bad memory. You needed to get rid of them. “He said he couldn’t fall in love with me.” Your voice felt deafening. “He said it should’ve happened by now.”

There was more silence, only stunted this time. You could hear Seokjin wanting to open his mouth and say something but he was struggling himself, shocked. “Shit,” he finally managed. “I’m so sorry.” It was always weird how people offered their condolences in the form of sorry when something bad happened. Everyone did it. “I can’t begin to understand what that feels like but I… I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Seokjin,” you smiled. It was emotionless but at least you were trying. “Don’t feel so bad. You’re not the one who broke up with me.”

He gave a little shrug. Unsure of what to say. “Yeah, but...”

You groaned softly, fresh humiliation washing over you. “I don’t know why I came here.” This was so unfair on him. You’d hijacked whatever the hell was going on here tonight just to put Jin in an uncomfortable position. This was not how he wanted his night to go. Whatever he told you. “I should’ve called Lina… I just–” Lina would have hugged you and you probably would’ve cried like a baby. She was your best friend, not Seokjin. So, why were you here?

Maybe it was because you felt comfortable enough to confide in Seokjin, while the very thought of doing the same with Lina made you want the earth to open up and swallow you whole. Because you’d kept your relationship problems, worries, whatever the hell they were, hidden from her. In fear of popping your perfect little fantasy. You didn’t have to lie with Seokjin. He’d been there the night of the party. Seen how your relationship was a goddamn joke. “Just the thought of telling her. I feel like such an idiot.”

He jumped on that straight away. “Hey, it’s not your fault at all. You have nothing to feel stupid over.” You understood that. Maybe. It never felt great to be dumped. “It’s that fucker’s.�� If you didn’t know any better, you’d say Seokjin sounded mad. You had never really seen him pissed – bar maybe the night of Namjoon and Hoseok’s party, but that had disappeared immediately once distraction appeared… No, you shouldn’t think of that night. That stupid night…

“Honestly, what the fuck is his problem?” Seokjin carried on, pausing to hesitate, as if he was wondering if he should carry on with whatever he was about to say. He couldn’t feel that passionate over you, right?

“I-I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now, but he doesn’t seem all that perfect. He’s the idiot.”

“He’s not.” You shook your head. Yoongi was the sweetest, even when he was breaking up with you. Just Seokjin hadn’t seen that. All he had to go by was you sad at his door, tears dried down your cheeks. “There’s more to it.” You didn’t quite know what. But there was. The break up was the right thing, you understood what Yoongi meant, no matter how much you felt like it was wrong.

Seokjin tilted his head, sounding dubious when he spoke again. “Getting drunk, propositioning you for a threesome and then storming off when he got embarrassed?”

Okay, that night hadn’t looked good on him, but now you knew the truth about it you felt like you could understand him better. “That’s a bit of an over exaggerat–”

“Did he ever apologise for that?”

You nodded. “He did. We worked it out, but…”

“You didn’t?” Seokjin asked gently.

You could probably go into it, tell Seokjin why Yoongi had ever thought another threesome was a good idea, but…you just felt awkward. Reminding you, why were you here exactly? Perhaps Jin understood like no other, but at the same time, that made it worse. He didn’t ask for any of this… He was just trying to live his life. So, you nodded again, slower this time, closing your eyes sadly. “I’m beginning to think the relationship was never going to work out.” You were an idiot for even thinking you could have a proper relationship.

Seokjin was silent for a moment. It wasn’t particularly painful, actually it was nice to have some quiet to try and still your thoughts. When you opened your eyes again he was running his hands through his hair, face etched with something – guilt, worry, stress... All three? “I really don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t really need to say anything. You had no expectations. Not when you’d forced him into this situation. You watched as his hair flounced back over his forehead, stopping just above his eyebrows. “You cut your hair,” you commented, something unexplainable in your gut.

“Yeah,” he said, laughing a little as he ran his fingers through it again. “It was kinda getting on my nerves a little, so…” You nodded and smiled in understanding, but your chest squeezed tight. You felt put out. So unbelievably unjustified. But that night he’d walked you home you’d told him not to cut it because you liked it. Joke or not, it hurt a little to know he hadn’t listened. God, you were way too sensitive tonight. It wasn’t like your opinion mattered to him whatsoever. Why would it? You weren’t a part of his life anymore.

“You’re tired,” he hummed, mistaking your no reply for something else. He had no clue you were lost in thought over some dumb shit that meant nothing. “Do you want to stay over?” Your heart suddenly jumped. “I’ve been drinking so I can’t take you home. Of course you can drive back by yourself and call me when you arrive home okay, but I don’t know… Do you want to be alone tonight?”

He watched you, waiting for a reply. His expression was oddly serious, so unlike the Seokjin you knew, you wondered if you knew the real him at all? You wondered if you deserved his kindness? You wondered why his question made you feel funny inside… Something you hadn’t felt in a while…

“Do you mind?” You wanted to add an ‘I’m here now anyway…’ but that seemed rude somehow. He hadn’t invited you. You’d taken that upon yourself.

He didn’t mind. At all. In fact, he seemed quite happy to offer you his bedroom, his bed. Even looking inside his drawers for something for you to wear. That seemed unnecessary. You told him just as much. Your clothes were comfortable enough to sleep in and you were pushing your luck just stealing his bed for the night. He laughed and agreed without little argument.

In all honesty, imagining wearing Seokjin’s clothes to bed was a little… You didn’t know. It made you feel weird. As did just being his room again, lying on his bed. You hadn’t been here since the night you ended things with him. How long ago was that now? Months ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago, yet seeing how nothing had really changed here made you feel strange…sad? His sheets were still the same pattern. So that meant he still had only one set, choosing to wash and dry it every time he cleaned. The same things littered the top of his drawers, a pen pot, deodorant, cologne, the freaky Super Mario figure that used to watch you have sex… It was all still there, and pretty obviously, the room smelt just the same as it always had. Of him. The smell on his sheets seemed to blanket you, and while it brought you some comfort, it also made you feel something else. Weird. Your brain felt clouded. Maybe that’s why you asked the next thing.

“Can you stay for a little while?” Seokjin had been standing like a spare part in his own room for last minute or so, unsure of what to do or say next, but he froze when those words came from your mouth. You tried again. “We can put the TV on? Maybe I’ll fall asleep.”

He hesitated. You thought about reassuring him. It was definitely not like that at all. It was a stupid request possibly, yes, but you just simply weren’t ready to be alone. However, before you could open your mouth again he was nodding slowly. You didn’t miss the way his eyes ran down your body a little. As if he was fully comprehending the situation. You were lying on his bed once again. After all this time.

The mattress dipped as he laid down, shoulders slouched against the headboard and he grabbed the tv remote, switching the screen on that was attached to the wall opposite. Ah. There was a change. The TV. That was different. The low buzzing of the volume almost soothed you a little, the dim glow of the screen too, but most of all it was Seokjin’s presence. He hadn’t spoken since, nor had you, and he kept a distance between your bodies but it felt nice anyway. Let you stare at the tv without really paying attention but somehow distracted you from thoughts of Yoongi.

When he did finally speak again his voice was low and careful. But eager, curious. “Can I ask why you came here?” He watched you stir next to him, looking his way. “To me?”

He wanted answers. You didn’t really blame him. But in all honesty you had nothing. Nothing concrete or satisfying. “I don’t really know.” Your voice was quiet. “You’re just the first person I thought of.” That much was true. You’d felt it so deeply you’d rushed over immediately.

There was a beat of silence, but your shitty reply seemed to have sated him a little. “Well, it’s fine.” He slid closer to nudge you with his shoulder. Those thoughts suddenly came back. What it would feel like to have Seokjin’s arms around you. They were dangerous now. When you were with him. In his bedroom. On his bed. “That you came here. I don’t mind.”

You didn’t reply this time. Too preoccupied. You began to remember the night he’d walked you home. How he’d sidestepped your attempted kiss. Because you had tried to kiss him. Would he refuse you now, if you tried the same thing? Not that you wanted to. It was all hypothetical, but it seemed to be your thing. Seeking comfort from him when you were hurt. However, he probably new that. That’s why he’d ignored it last time, and had been wary to stay with you right now. He probably didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were emotionally vulnerable like this, unless… He really didn’t want you like that anymore. That was a strange thought.

Seokjin used to want you a lot, all the time. Until you hadn’t wanted him back… You. Now here you were, the one left heartbroken from a failed relationship. God, that made you seem so self-centred and selfish. Yoongi was hurt too. Not just you…

“Do you love him?”

Seokjin’s question broke you out of your thoughts. “Sorry,” he apologised, noticing he’d interrupted you. He repeated himself, rewording slightly. You realised you hadn’t misheard him in your daze. “Are you in love with Yoongi?”

Your answer came quickly. “No.” No hesitation. Maybe you had time to get used to it, maybe it was something else. “I never really thought about it. I mean,” you paused before carrying on. “I did. I just assumed I was in love with him. Or it was leading up to that.” It felt good to get your thoughts out. To realise how you’d been mistaken these past few weeks. Blind to a lot. “I was waiting for him to say it first because I thought that’s what people did. I thought he was the one. I liked him so much.” You shook your head, correcting yourself. “I still do like him. It’s just I don’t think it’s ever going to be love.” Yoongi was correct.

Seokjin had listened politely all the way through. You hadn’t looked at his face when you spoke so you didn’t know what his reaction was, but he asked another question shortly afterwards. “Why did you think he was the one?”

That question made you pause. It seemed a little more weighted than the other, and you didn’t really have an answer. It was Yoongi. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend. He was perfect. He could be anybody’s one. Just not yours. You’d been mistaken. You shrugged. “It just felt like he was, but I don’t know anything.” You spoke the next sentence without thinking. “If he was the one we wouldn’t have done what we did.” You looked at Seokjin. “You know. Us. At the party.”

There was a beat of silence. Almost awkward. “Yeah.” Seokjin muttered.

You didn’t want to bring the past up, and definitely not that, but now your head was spinning with fresh thoughts. Ideas. Reasons. Answers. “Maybe it is my fault.”

“Huh?” Seokjin asked softly, confused.

“He told me it wasn’t to do with that, but thinking about it, it just seemed like he was trying to make me feel better. Less guilty.” The threesome would’ve never happened if you hadn’t been messaging Seokjin. Hadn’t agreed to go upstairs. It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you, period. Maybe you did this. Destroyed everything you could’ve had with Yoongi before it even had time to begin.

Seokjin sighed your name. “Don’t say shit like that.” His voice sounded thicker, probably tired. Lying here in the dark, dealing with an overemotional… God, what were you to him? For what felt like the hundredth time since you’d arrived, you wondered what you were doing here? What you wanted from him? “People always blame themselves during a break up. Sometimes it’s just no one’s fault.”

“I know, I just…” You pushed your head back, staring up at the ceiling. “I just want all the answers. It felt like he was keeping things from me.”

“Maybe he didn’t know how to say everything. I mean,” Seokjin shifted on the bed, the mattress dipped again. So did your stomach for some stupid reason. He was closer now. “The break up seems pretty sudden. How did it happen?”

You swallowed, feeling a lump in your throat. You didn’t know if you were ready to relive it all. “A small argument just blew up. He’d been trying to hide it for a while. I saw, I just didn’t want to accept it.” Wilfully blind. Wilfully ignorant. Scared.

You turned your head to look Seokjin’s way. “The other night at the party, he wanted to cancel things out. He was drunk so he wasn’t thinking straight, I don’t know…” You weren’t here to make excuses for him. It didn’t particularly make much sense to you, but at least he was being honest. “But maybe a part of him wanted to see if things could go back to normal if we, y’know…” You couldn’t say it out loud. You didn’t have to. Jin knew.

“I see.” The furrowed brows told you he didn’t see much sense in that either, but he chose not to say anything. You felt the need to defend Yoongi anyway. Or to justify something…you didn’t know anymore.

“He’s not a bad person, Jin, maybe I am…”

“Oh, don’t start again,” he whined. He was joking. Or hiding the seriousness of his request with humour.

“C’mon, every relationship I’ve been in has ended terribly. I need to start wondering if the problem is actually me. I mean, you can’t even call them realtionships.” You weren’t the relationship type. Maybe guys could see that right off the bat. Maybe you were unloveable. Insecurities that you could usually keep locked away were rearing their ugly head again. It was always the same after a break up.

Seokjin’s eyes met yours, his gaze almost boring into you. He looked that way again. Uncharacteristically serious. He murmured your name. Strangely it comforted you immediately. Like the warmth of a hug. “It’s definitely not you. You’re amazing.”

The warmth reached your heart. You smiled at him. “You mean that?” You thought he must. The sincerity was there in his voice.

“Mmhmm.” He hummed, gaze lingering on you for a moment before he looked away. He swallowed. “Of course.” It felt he had wanted to say more. Or something different. You could push him. Ask him what it was, but what was the point? He’d said enough. Your chest felt a little lighter. Your insecurities at rest for now.

“Try to sleep now.” He told you instead, standing up to pull his covers back for you. “It’s getting pretty late. We can talk some more in the morning if you want.” He shrugged. “Or not. Totally up to you.”

You smiled again and obeyed, climbing inside, surprised when the smell of him on his sheets comforted you further. No weirdness. No sadness. Your eyes got heavy as soon as your head sunk into his pillow and you couldn’t help but shut them. Your mind could happily play tricks on you at this point in time. You heard Seokjin switch off his tv and to your surprise the mattress dipped as he sat again, knees folded. His back hit the headboard and you could feel him right beside you. He didn’t say anything. Was he waiting until you fell asleep?

You spoke into the dark, eyes still shut. It made it easier. “Thank you, Seokjin.”

A pause. “For what?”

He sounded surprised. You thought the thanks would be easy to understand. Thank you for the help tonight. But…there was something else too. You opened your eyes. It would probably be easier to say it against the darkness of your eyelids, but without the glow of the tv it was just as dark. “For being a good friend.” Nerves churned in your stomach. That one word. Friend. Why did it make you feel so scared? Maybe because he might not see you as that… “I feel like I’ve been taking you for granted lately.”

“Shut up.” He chuckled quietly, but he sounded awkward. Embarrassed? “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just–” You stopped, wondering what you were actually trying to say. It was getting late and you were tired now. Your mind was tired, maybe you were speaking without filter. “I cut you out of my life after things with Yoongi and I got serious…”

“I get that though.” He replied, turning his face slightly to look at you. You just made out his features. Could he see you? “It had to be that way.”

That much was true. Everything you had that wasn’t to do with sex had to be left behind too. You couldn’t have the rest without the sex. At least that’s what you’d thought. Now maybe friendship was what you needed… Why you were here…

“Yeah, but now here I am, first signs of trouble and asking for help. Advice. I don’t know… Comfort.” The last word lingered. Accidentally. If he noticed he didn’t let on. However now you were on a roll. Thoughts possibly making sense. “You helped me out the night of the party. You were really nice. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it lately.”

Seokjin stayed quiet, looking directly in front of him. Listening intently? Politely? You couldn’t tell. “I guess that’s why I came here tonight, because you make me feel better so easily.” It was true. You believed it with everything. Here, in his presence things didn’t seem that bad. Much better than if you’d been at home alone staring at the ceiling. Much better than if you’d been with Lina crying your eyes out.

He scoffed lightly. “I feel like I haven’t been much help tonight though.”

You shook your head, still staring up at him even though he wasn’t looking. “Just being around you is helpful. Trust me.”

“Damn,” he laughed. “Stop inflating my ego.” This time he moved his head, eyes meeting yours.

You couldn’t help but laugh too. It was only small, but it was something. You were okay. This wasn’t going to mess with you too long. You were strong. You could handle this break up. “And you always know how to make me laugh…” You mumbled, rubbing your face in his pillow, his scent filling your nostrils. You felt sleepy. Comforted.

“I said stop,” he scolded jokingly.

You laughed again. “Okay, okay…” Your eyes were closed now. You couldn’t see him anymore. Just feel him sat next to you. You hoped he stayed until you fell asleep. Some time past before you spoke again. You were half asleep, but just needed to say this one last thing. “Goodnight, Seokjin, and thank you for letting me stay the night.”

You didn’t know how long it took for him to reply. Sleep was messing with your head. His voice sounded far away. “Anything for you… Goodnight…”

You were waking up. Eyelids now fighting to keep shut as daylight began to infiltrate them. You groaned quietly, finally giving up to look across at Seokjin’s alarm clock. 9am?! It was far too early to be waking up on a Sunday morning. Especially because you hadn’t fallen asleep until gone two. You groaned again, loudly now. Spiteful, because you wanted to wake him up too. He wasn’t sleeping in if you were wide awake, and you were most definitely not staying here rooted by his arms to the bed.

You didn’t know how this had become the norm. Not the staying over, that had started long ago, but the cuddling?! That was a new thing. You’d both been so adamant to keep your distance during ‘sleep overs’ but well… Not that it really was cuddling. You were sure Seokjin just used you as a pillow most times. Like right now. His arms wound tightly around your waist, his face smushed into the crook of your neck. You wriggled around, purposely being annoying so he could wake the fuck up, and slowly it began to work.

He intentionally rubbed his face into you, grumbling into your skin. His stubble began to irritate and you whined, using your hands to push at his arms, trying to get him to free you. He just squeezed harder, now chomping his teeth into your ear. He lips latched onto your earlobe and that was it. You kicked your feet manically. That fucker knew you were ticklish.

Chuckling, he steeled himself behind your body and pulled his head back. Your legs slowly came to a stop at the reprieve, a little out of breath. “Good morning.” He hummed.

“Mmhphf.”

“Christ, someone really isn’t a morning person…” He was back against your neck now, but instead of teasing his lips brushed down you lightly. You couldn’t help it, something dipped and stirred in your gut. It just irritated you more.

“I am,” you griped. “Just not when I’m being used as a real life body pillow.”

He froze for a second before squashing you onto your back, one of his legs hooking over yours to just make you even more pinned to the bed. “But you’re comfy,” he whined, head now against your chest, cuddling into your boobs. “Need to work on your anime girl tits though.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you exclaimed, whacking his shoulder, but couldn’t help but laugh. He was such a fricking idiot.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He used both his hands to push your boobs together to emphasise your cleavage and shoved his face into it, humming loudly. “I love your boobies.”

“Ew.” You wrinkled your nose, pushing him away, but somehow you found your lips attached to his. No idea how. No idea how morning breath didn’t seem to be an issue anymore. And honestly no idea how this was what had become of you now. Kissing without reason. Seokjin wasn’t even hard against your hip. He wasn’t kissing you because he wanted something. What a strange idea.

His mouth found your neck again, tongue warm, licking and swirling around languidly. One of his palms held your waist, fingers slipping under your tank top, tickling the underside of your boob. Only this time it wasn’t infuriating. Well, infuriating in another way, yes. You couldn’t help it. Your body’s natural reaction. You fidgeted against him, desperate to be touched more.

“Horny, are we…?” He whispered, lips sticky, breath puffing against your jaw.

“Not horny, are we?” You countered back immediately, nudging your hip into his crotch.

Seokjin chuckled at how put out you sounded, nudging you back. “Give him a break. He had to work hard last night…”

You pulled a face. “Please stop talking like your dick is a person.” But that was true. You had fucked eagerly last night. Maybe a little too eagerly. You could feel the soreness, but like an addict you still craved for more. Even it was just a small orgasm. Any way Seokjin wanted to please you. You were still naked from the waist down, underwear lost somewhere under his bed, so that made things easier.

“Hey,” he burst. “He has feelings too, y’know.” You rolled your eyes but he was continuing. “And anyway, what about me? The person attached to the dick? I always go ignored.”

Such a hard life for Kim Seokjin. Your heart bled. “What are you? Dick first, then human?”

He grumbled, face closer to yours as he shifted on his elbow. “Feels like it.”

You may have gone for the kiss first. It was hard to tell, but you tugged on his bottom lip as you cooed. “Diddums. Shouldn’t have that horse dick in your pants then.”

He cried out at the unfairness. “As if I asked God to bless me with huge cock. I’ve been used for it ever since Lee Yumi took my virginity on prom night.”

“Oh, my god,” you whined weakly, not quite believing your ears. Knowing Seokjin he was probably being a little serious. Hard done by in life because of his monster dick. What a sob story. You were going to say exactly that but then you felt Seokjin’s hand trail down to your pelvis, and well, after that it was very hard to think straight.

“Better make this pussy purr some other way,” he feigned a sigh, thumb toying with your clit, and this time you laughed sincerely. Whatever, you found the shit he came out with funny. Sue you.

He slipped a finger inside you easily, knuckle up as he took his time exploring before he twisted it around. You were still a little wet from the night previous, could easily take his cock with little to no warmup, so he added another digit, watching your chest as your boobs jiggled for him. Your breath was caught in your throat, having to hold it just to keep any moaning at bay. You doubted Sandeul would want to be woken up by the sounds of Seokjin fingering you. He’d gone to sleep to your moans anyway, because no matter how hard Seokjin tried to mute them, telling you to shove your face into his pillow, it did not work. Your shame meter was at an all time low. Not when the pleasure one was off the scale every time Jin got his hands on you.

Suddenly you felt fresh air hit your chest, snapping you out of your thoughts just to look down and see Seokjin’s mouth latching onto one nipple. You couldn’t hold it, most definitely forgot, moaning loudly as his tongue flicked against the hardened nub, wrist snapping furiously between your legs. He moaned too, enjoying your reaction and you watched him intently, mouth open. His eyes were still sleepy and pillow – or should you say your shoulder bone – marks marred his cheeks. He looked cute, but also this was hot. Like really hot, as he watched you too. You could cum like this. Sensory overload, and your hands reached for his headboard, arching your back a little as your breasts raised into his face. He cupped the one in his mouth, giving it a squeeze as he pulled back, fingers slowing down.

“Fuck. Someone says hi.” He rushed his words, chin wet where he’d slobbered all over your tit. He moved and pressed his crotch into yours. He was hard in his boxers. It felt good against your clit. “I can’t keep soft when you look at me like that.” He admitted breathlessly. “You literally own my dick.”

You scoffed, greatly amused, and felt his fingers slide out of you. “Good to know,” you quipped, watching him flip onto his back, hands seconds away from ripping down his boxers. Sometimes you were in a bind at how hot he was. In nothing but his underwear, cock very much visible against the black cotton, and chest, well, chest out. You were sure your attraction had only gotten deeper through time. That’s why you could never get enough. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you hoped he felt the same.

“Can it do other things? Like pee for me and make me breakfast?” You asked, good at distracting yourself with other pressing issues. Now that the pleasure had stopped you were very aware of how full your bladder felt. Plus, breakfast was always good on a Sunday morning.

His hands stopped, band of his underwear snapping tight against the skin, and chuckled lowly. “It can’t piss for you, but if you hurry up and go now, we can get at it really quick when you come back,” –a lovely thrust of his hips for emphasise, of course– “and then i’ll make you something to eat. How does that sound?”

“Okay,” you agreed. Probably too high pitched and too cute for you, but whatever, the plan sounded good. You were still surprised Seokjin could cook. You would never forget that time he cooked you the best carbonara you’d ever tasted after he’d found out you hadn’t eaten all day because of an assignment that was due in.

You grabbed for his t-shirt at the end of his bed and shoved it on. “Be right back.” You jumped over him to get off the bed, quicker to the door that way and squealed when he smacked your ass playfully, a ‘better had’ calling after you as you dashed foolishly to the bathroom still half naked, hoping you wouldn’t bump into the ever-suffering roommate…

Your mind was playing tricks on you. Memories dreamlike as you slowly began to wake up. For a moment, still half asleep, Seokjin’s scent drowning your senses, you wondered if you were still back there? The present didn’t exist, this was the present. You were hooking up with Seokjin, spending the night in his bed like you did regularly. However, slowly, as you opened your eyes, sunlight now flooding his bedroom, you began to remember the events of last night… Shit.

Your argument with Yoongi, which seemed so petty now, but had rapidly morphed into something else. Something so serious things would never go back to normal. You had broken up. You were single. What an odd thought. Yesterday when you’d woken up, gone to class, gone for lunch with Lina, you were somebody’s girlfriend. Yoongi’s. Now it was all gone. It didn’t feel real.

It took you a moment to work out how you ended up here. At Seokjin’s place, in his bed… You recalled the sudden urge to see him and how you’d rushed over just to find him with Jemma. Oh, God. You really had ruined whatever was going on last night. You felt fresh embarrassment wash over you. You were an idiot, and Seokjin was too kind to tell you to go home. What had you been searching for from him? You were still clueless, and instinctively, you brushed your foot out against the mattress, searching for something. Him? You were met with nothing. As if he’d have spent the night in the same bed as you.

You rolled onto your back, checking his side of the bed. The covers were creased where he’d sat last night, waiting for you to fall asleep, but after that he must’ve gone. You’d kicked him out his own bed. What an idiot you felt.

Ever so slowly you sat up, knowing you had to get up eventually. Face the music. You let yourself linger a little as you walked towards the door, feeling weird knowing this was probably definitely the last time you’d be in Seokjin’s room. Your heart was still heavy after last night and every little thing was managing to squeeze at it. You were stupid.

You found him straight away, in the centre room, stood drying his hair with a towel. He must’ve just gotten out the shower. His skin was still a little flushed with the heat, white t-shirt spotted with water droplets. “Morning,” he smiled when he saw you, balling up the towel in his fist and throwing it to the couch.

He didn’t seem awkward but you still felt it running through your veins. You stayed by the doorway, giving him a coy greeting back. “Morning. Where did you sleep last night?”

“Couch,” he shrugged, before laughing. “I know for a fact Deul wouldn’t want me in his bed.”

You tried to laugh along, but you felt too guilty. He could’ve just used his own bed, you wouldn’t have cared. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he reassured you. “It’s comfier than it looks, and besides, you wouldn’t have appreciated the top to toe.” His plan to try and make you laugh worked. You’d give him that. He watched you and smiled. “Do you feel better this morning?”

His question brought you back to reality. Slight laughter couldn’t bring permanent happiness. The realisation wasn’t fun. You guessed you’d be having those a lot from now. Until you got over the situation. Over Yoongi, over the insecurities that were just waiting to rear their ugly head again. You shrugged passively. “Kinda. Probably because nothing seems real.” You were still expecting a good morning text from Yoongi. Still expecting him to call you and tell you to get your cute ass around his place for some extreme cuddling. Even the memory stabbed at your heart. Everything was unfair. If you didn’t love him like that, why did everything hurt so much?

“You gonna talk to Lina later?” Seokjin’s voice burst you out of your devastation bubble. Fuck. Lina. You’d forgotten about that, and you groaned inwardly. You’d have to relive the break up all over again. “It may help. Get a girl’s opinion…” He trailed off, cringing at himself. “I don’t know, I’m talking shit. What I’m trying to say is, she’d probably be better at this than me.”

You smiled. “I’ll call her.” Poor Seokjin. He’d tried his best after being put in the worst predicament possible, and you would be forever grateful. Despite what he believed; he had helped you immensely. God knows what garbage you were babbling last night. You’d soon remember later on and do your own fair share of cringing.

As it went, he was about to prematurely remind you of one thing anyway. He murmured your name once silence had seeped between you two. He sounded cautious. Maybe embarrassed. “I was thinking about what you said…about the…threesome.” Oh, God. What had you said? It was late last night, your mind muddled after everything. “I’m sorry about all that. Maybe it shouldn’t have happened… I…” He paused, struggling to phrase something. “I regret it too.”

“You do?” Your voice didn’t sound like yours again. Taken by such surprise you felt your head spinning, something sinking to the pit of your stomach. You hadn’t said anything about regretting it. The night had happened and you’d enjoyed it, not really giving it second a thought until things between Yoongi and you began to change. Last night you hadn’t meant it like that. He’d misunderstood. You’d meant, if Yoongi was the one for you, you wouldn’t have wanted another guy like that. You wouldn’t have wanted Seokjin again. You didn’t regret it. You were adamant. Maybe the thought had crossed your mind these past few weeks, but hearing Seokjin say the same right now…that hurt. You would never regret anything spent with him.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered. Maybe he heard the surprise in your tone. He gave a small shrug, not looking you in the eyes. “Well… it was a stupid idea. I don’t really know what I was thinking. Well… I did at the time.”

“And that was?” It felt weird to speak so candidly about the threesome. It was almost like a forbidden subject between Yoongi and you. But you’d like to know what was going through Seokjin’s head at the time.

He stared at you this time. Almost staring you down his gaze was so intense. “I wanted you to want me again.” You froze. You weren’t expecting that. “I was an asshole. A jealous idiot. I thought I was better than him.” He continued, his words coming easier now, as if he was relieved to finally get them out. “But I saw the way you looked at one another. I realised you really liked him.”

A confession, but not in the traditional sense. It wasn’t supposed to be romantic. He was just explaining how he’d felt and what and happened. You really had liked Yoongi. You still did. That wouldn’t go away over night, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t liked Seokjin when you guys were hooking up. You had. It was just a different feeling… Else why would you have continued going back there? What you and Seokjin had was good. It was different, but it was good. You were much happier back then anyway. Like you said, all your relationships turned to shit eventually but not with the man standing in front of you. You knew you were together in the non-traditional sense, but he was still the only one who had never hurt you, and maybe you’d put him on a pedestal. That’s why you were a little hurt when you found out about Sohee. It was a selfish of you. That you were still holding onto him…

That’s why you’d turned up at his door last night. It finally made sense. You couldn’t let him go.

It seemed like he hadn’t been able to let you go either. That’s why the threesome had happened. Maybe if you were able to think long and hard on it, you’d blame yourself. After all, you were the one that ended things so abruptly to begin something serious with Yoongi. Perhaps not the end of the world, but those last couple of weeks with Seokjin had been weird and tense. It seemed at times he knew you were distracted, growing bored and distancing yourself from him, but he’d held on until you’d said the words. There had been little to no communication between the two of you. You hadn’t even told him about Yoongi. God knows how he’d found it out. You still wondered that, with hindsight. In a way you’d been incredibly selfish.

“We all fucked up I guess.” It hurt to know he regretted that night, but you understood. You couldn’t tell him how to think. He smiled sadly, nodding shortly afterwards. It made you wonder if he wanted you say something else. But what? Instead you cut the distance between you both, walking towards the sofa. The wine glasses were still there. He hadn’t had a chance to clear them away.

“Speaking of,” you motioned towards them with your finger. “I ruined your date last night. Don’t try to lie to me.” You rushed the last bit, seeing his mouth open, ready to dispute you. It wouldn’t work. “I saw the dishes in the kitchen. You cooked for her.” It was supposed to leave your mouth as a question but it sounded more like an accusation. Your displeasure for the other girl was hard to hide. You felt guilty. Seokjin was free to like whoever, you just thought she wasn’t a very nice person, that was all. Not that you would tell him that, of course.

“Yeah, it was nothing.” He shook his head as he insisted.

He was still trying to make you feel less guilty? You chuckled; tone friendlier. “Kim Seokjin dates now? Has romantic dinners now?” You must’ve missed that transformation… It was such an odd concept to think about. Kim Seokjin, the guy who had never had a girlfriend going on dates. What had changed? In the darkest, most insecure recesses of your mind you wondered how come he’d never wanted to take that plunge with you? You guessed that was the heartbreak talking…

“No.” He was adamant. Okay, maybe you’d misread the situation… “I just… It’s stupid and I don’t know.” He was shaking his head again, laughing quietly. He picked the glasses from the coffee table to distract himself and walked towards the kitchen.

“No, come on. Tell me,” you urged. You weren’t pushing him, it just seemed like something was playing on his mind. You wanted to be there for him. Just like he’d been there for you. It was only fair. You followed closely behind him.

“You really want to know?” He asked, turning his head to look at you as he ran the liquid down the sink. He sounded unsure, but you nodded eagerly. Maybe you wouldn’t like the answer, but oh well. It’s probably what you deserved.

He took a deep breath, sighing lightly, reluctantly, but spoke after a moment. “Everyone around me has hooked up permanently. Sandeul is always over his girl’s place, Namjoon… I even think Hoseok has been seeing the same girl for weeks now… and you…” He trailed off, gaze meeting yours. He swallowed. “Well at least…before that party and your argument with him, I thought you guys were really happy and shit. I thought maybe I should try it out.”

Your gut felt heavy again. He meant Yoongi. He thought Yoongi and you were happy and wanted that for himself? You didn’t know how to feel. An overwhelming sadness filled you. Similar to last night only this was unexplainable.

“With Jemma?” You couldn’t help but ask. You weren’t judging… You just couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

He upturned his shoulder quickly, filling up the sink, ready to dunk the dishes in. “She’s been messaging me. She told me she liked me at that party.” He hesitated before the next part but decided to share anyway. “We even kissed. I just thought I’d give it a go.”

That party? The one where you’d argued with Yoongi? The one where you’d embarrassingly cried in front of Seokjin? The one he’d walked you him from? Where he’d politely declined your kiss and then went back to that party… Back to kiss Jemma instead. Fuck. You were losing it. Seokjin didn’t owe you anything. He was free to do whatever he wanted, with whoever he wanted.

“Do you like her too?” You were unstoppable. But you just needed to know this one thing.

His brows knitted together as he thought, forearms submerged in dish water. It seemed like such an odd scene. You interrogating him in his kitchen as he washed plates. “Not like that. Well, not like anything really.” The joy that filled you was selfish. You tried your best to steel your expression.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m kind of thankful you showed up at my door.” He continued, sounding guilty. “She sort of invited herself to stay over, and I didn’t know how to say no.” He rinsed the last plate, sticking it in the drying rack and pulled the plug. You watched him dry his hands. What would’ve happened if you’d never turned up? Would he have slept with her?

“I think the dating should be assigned to actual girls I like.” He chuckled awkwardly, before scoffing, interrupting your thoughts. “She even brought wine. Me? Drinking wine? It tasted vile!”

“I was wondering what all that was about,” you laughed weakly. Seokjin was not a wine drinker. You knew that.

He laughed along, making his way through the living area again. You followed. You really should get going. You’d imposed on him for too long, but still you lingered. Although, Seokjin didn’t seem in a rush to get rid of you either.

“Do you have class today?” He asked, picking his backpack up from the side of the sofa to rifle through it, searching for something.

“I have a workshop this afternoon but I don’t think I’ll go.” You replied. The idea of being in a room with a bunch of people didn’t seem so appealing right now. “Tomorrow I’ll start fresh.” You at least needed 24 hours to decompress. “What about you?” You added, seeing him pull a piece of paper out of a notebook and sit down.

“I have one in an hour,” he said. “I totally left this until last minute.” He motioned to the paper, laughing.

You smiled. “Oh. Okay. I should be going anyway…” You should definitely leave him to it. He needed to finish getting ready, do homework and it took about fifteen minutes to walk to college from here. Five if he was driving, which he never did. Heath and fitness was his passion. (At least your shitty sense of humour hadn’t totally died…)

He stood up quickly when you made motions to leave, one of his knees whacking the underneath of the coffee table. He hissed before rushing out his words. “You don’t have to leave. It’s not really an important class. I could skip. We could get lunch?”

You were pretty sure he was pitying you now. Why else was he being so nice? You appreciated it but you didn’t want him to feel like he had to do all this. He’d already done enough. You smiled, shaking your head. “No, it’s fine. I don’t feel that hungry but thanks for the offer.”

“Only if you’re sure?” He pressed, following behind you as you walked towards your shoes, pushing them on.

“I think I’m just gonna have a bath. I’m sure I have a bath bomb left over from Christmas gifts or something…” You said, chuckling a little.

He nodded his head, looking like he wanted to try and persuade you more but kept quiet. You opened the door, feeling a little awkward. It had never been like this between you. Maybe it was the uncertainty of not knowing when you’d see him next… “Thank you again, Seokjin. I really appreciate it, and I’m sorry for just turning up here like this.”

“Shut up,” he said lightly, holding the door open for you. “You’re welcome here anytime.” Your heart did a little jump. He meant that? You smiled in returned. “Drive safely. I’ll message you tonight to see how you’re doing? If you want?”

He meant it.

On your drive home you started to feel guilty. You’d deleted Seokjin’s number along with the video he’d taken of you that night…during the threesome. At the time it had seemed the right thing to do. You had been with Yoongi, sure things were only growing from strength to strength and reminders of Seokjin were something you didn’t need. You didn’t want to continue messaging him and you didn’t want to sleep with him again. You couldn’t be anything else, so it made perfect sense. You wanted to show Yoongi you were serious. Not that you ever told him. You didn’t bring up Seokjin at all, and neither did he. He had become a forbidden subject.

See? This was why you shouldn’t be alone. Your brain had too much time to think. It was still buzzing when you arrived back home. Your bed, unmade, just reminded you of last night, and your chest grew so tight you couldn’t breathe for a moment, the tears welling up in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You needed to get a grip of yourself and clean up. To eradicate the memories of last night.

You listened to music as you went but tracks kept coming on shuffle that reminded you of Yoongi. A double check at your phone showed you that it was a rec playlist he’d made for you not too long ago. There was no escape. Not even when you gave up vacuuming to run that bath you’d been longing for. Yoongi’s disposable razor was on the sink, toothbrush in the pot. Everywhere you looked there were little reminders of him. It shocked you how much stuff he had at your place. You’d never realised how deeply entwined he had become in your life. That was sure to make the break up harder. His scent still lingered in your tiny apartment and you just thanked your lucky stars that the year you’d had class with him was over. You didn’t think you could handle that. Seeing him so casually.

Lina text you just before you could climb into the water but you ended up ignoring it. She had sent you a screenshot, some conversation with the guy she’d started seeing since that party. That stupid party you should never have gone to. She was cooing over how cute he was, and while you could easily reply with something simple, you just really weren’t in the mood. You knew you had to tell her about the break up asap, but just the thought made you feel sick with dread. You’d tell her and she’d probably tell your other friends to make it easier on you and then you’d receive half a dozen, maybe more, ‘i’m sorry’ messages. You’d have to make it official on facebook, then everyone else would see it, and oh god, your parents. You’d have to tell them. They’d met Yoongi once or twice when they’d come to your apartment uninvited. You’d never been one to introduce boyfriends to them, but with Yoongi it just felt right. You were proud that you could nab such a great guy, and for the first time in your life you wanted to show off. Your parents seemed to like him, and now you had to tell them he’d broken things off. How embarrassing. Would they think there was something wrong with you?

Your mind drifted to Seokjin as you sat in the water. Yes, you were embarrassed you’d laid it all on him like that, but it surprised you how easily you had confided in him. He’d never really seen that side of you and you’d definitely never seen the kind and thoughtful side he’d shown you last night or the night of that shitty party. Not that you didn’t think he wasn’t kind. You wouldn’t have continued sleeping with him all that time if he wasn’t a nice person. It’s just you’d never really needed him like that. You hadn’t needed him to be sweet when you were only there to fuck him. But you guessed sometimes he was. Like when you used to have stress migraines from college work and felt sick from the burger grease at work that seemed to absorb into your skin. They were perhaps trivial problems, but he was there when you needed him. It made you feel selfish again. He never used to confide his problems in you, because of course he had them. No person could live life stress free… Maybe you just weren’t that type of person to him… That made you feel sad, your emotions a mess.

Did all that really matter though? He probably wouldn’t even message you tonight. And that was ok. You’d told him your thanks already, sincerely and gratefully, and that was it. You wouldn’t bother him like that again. He’d probably never be the friend that you wanted him to be. You liked being around Seokjin but if it couldn’t happen, then it couldn’t happen. You’d have stick to being some type of strange acquaintance. You’d say hello to him if you saw him around, maybe you’d have a small conservation, you’d like his posts on social media, but that was probably it.

God, you were losing people left and right. But then again… You’d done that with Seokjin. You were the one that cut him from your life. Not him.

Yoongi rung you sometime late afternoon. You’d almost forgotten he said he would call you, and for a split second you wondered if you should just ignore it. You were sat on your sofa, smelling lovely, but still miserable as hell, watching something new on Netflix. Not picking up seemed really harsh, but his name flashing on your screen with a picture of him pulling a face in the background taunted you. You were mad. You were allowed to be angry and hurt, and annoyed, and whatever else you felt at your now ex boyfriend. He’d given up on you both.

You answered with a sharpness in your tone, but one second of hearing Yoongi’s gruff voice down the line broke you a little. He didn’t sound too good, like he hadn’t had any sleep, groggy and broken. You said as much, and he laughed humourlessly– was it that obvious? He asked how you slept after he’d left and you panicked. You should have told him about where you went last night. He deserved to know, but you were a coward, too scared. Not wanting him to misunderstand, get angry or hurt. You had no solid answers for him, and that would just make it look worse. So you left out the detail about Seokjin’s place and told him you slept okay. Because you had. It had taken you a while to switch off, but when you had, sleep came for you quickly. You wondered if he sensed you were keeping something from him. You had never been good at lying, but he didn’t seem to notice something was up. He was glad you got some sleep. That just made you feel guiltier.

He asked you how were feeling, what you’d been up to, and the small talk just made you feel worse. Somehow you ended up begging him to come over, just so you could talk some more, but he turned you down. That would only make things worse. You fought him a little, told him it wouldn’t – you even raised your voice, ranting at him, and he just listened silently, letting you rid your frustrations until you were were crying quietly, too sad to stay angry. You knew it wasn’t his fault, nor yours, the situation was just shitty. Unfair.

“Please don’t cry,” he asked you quietly, but you thought he was crying too. He kept sniffing loudly. You could hear him wiping his nose on his sleeve every now and then. There was really nothing you could do. It was over. Yoongi said he’d come pick up his stuff in a few days when you asked him about it. It was probably best to have a little breather from the situation so he’d message you when he was ready. You agreed. You didn’t think you could handle seeing him take all his stuff away so soon. Not when it hadn’t had time to sink it properly. And that was that. There wasn’t much else to say. You could probably ask more questions, but what was the point? It wouldn’t change anything. He’d checked in on you, like he said he would and now there was nothing else left. There was no point prodding something that was now dead.

You said goodbye and hung up with a heavy heart, unable to stop yourself from clicking on your photo album to scroll through your photos. You had lots of him. Candid shots mostly, ones he didn’t know you were taking and some he’d blatantly posed for like the secret dork he was. There were lots of you together too. You both looked so happy it was hard to understand where it all went wrong. A photo wasn’t supposed to lie, so how had it turned into this? You couldn’t delete them though. You tried with one, instantly regretting it and restoring it immediately. It seemed like such a shame to throw away all those memories... Such a shame to throw away the relationship…

On your couch was where you spent the rest of the evening, dozing in between watching the tv, and you were half asleep when your phone began to ring again. You reached for it quickly, a small part of you expecting it to be Seokjin even though he’d said he’d message you. You groaned when you saw it was Lina. You couldn’t ignore her. Not again. She’d be around, kicking down the door in minutes, probably thinking you’d gotten abducted seeing as you’d been AWOL the whole day. You took a deep breath and slid your thumb across the screen. It was now or never. “Hello?”

“What the hell are you playing at?!”

That was not what you’d been expecting. Lina half yelling down the phone at you. “Hello to you too,” you quipped, a little flummoxed. She couldn’t be that mad because you’d left her on read.

“Don’t joke around,” she told you. Almost breathless, slightly hysteric. “Please don’t tell me you fucked Jin again?!”

“WHAT?” You swore your neighbours heard you, you exclaimed so loud. Why and how did she think that? “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, accidentally fell on his dick then?”

Her tone was accusing and sarcastic, and you were already crabby and tired, miserable…to name a few. If she wasn’t going to explain herself you’d just hang up. “Lina,” you warned. “I’m not in the mood. Stop being so cryptic. Can I ask why you think that?”

She sighed, but spoke a lot calmer when she continued, probably unsure due to your reaction. “I overheard Jemma today.” Fuck. You immediately sat up straighter, something heavy settling in your gut. She seemed to like having conversations super loud in public. “She said you showed up at his door in the middle of the night and that he kicked her out to let you in.”

“Oh, for god–” You stopped yourself, knowing it wasn’t worth the energy. She was all wrong anyway. Whatever she thought had happened when she left wasn’t true. That was how rumours started. “It wasn’t really in the middle of the night and it was nothing like that!” You took a deep breath, letting your anger seep away. “I didn’t sleep with Seokjin. She has no idea what she’s talking about.”

“Oh.” Was all Lina said, probably feeling like an idiot. Probably feeling guilty for believing all that. She said your name. “Damn. I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t do something like that to Yoongi, but where Jin’s concerned… Never mind. Just ignore me.”

At the mention of Yoongi’s name you instantly remembered what you had to confess instead. You were so distracted you didn’t have time to try and understand her strange ending comment. She was bombarding you with questions anyway, fuzzing up your mind.

“Why were you there then? And where were you today?! I messaged you and you never replied. I thought you’d died!”

Dramatic as always. “Yeah, sorry about that… I had… I’ve had a shitty 24 hours.”

“How come?” She asked, sounding concerned. You definitely sounded weird, voice already wobbling. You hesitated and she couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m worried! Please tell me.”

You took a deep breath and swallowed. Your words echoed down the line. “Yoongi broke up with me last night.”

That was it. It sent her into a state of shock. For five minutes she kept alternating between ‘what?’ and ‘noo’. You were too upset to continue in the beginning so you just let her carry on, having a conversation with herself until you were ready to assure her it was in fact true. You apologised for not telling her sooner, but you were embarrassed, to which she insisted you never had to be. She didn’t press, but you knew she was eager to know what had happened, so you explained. You hated going into detail. You hadn’t even gone into it this much with Seokjin, but it was Lina. She was your best friend, the one you could tell everything too. She’d been there for you through the backlog of shitty break ups in the past, so this was no different. She let you have a little cry as you explained about the stupid argument that had turned into something more. How Yoongi had said he didn’t love you, couldn’t love you. She asked if you loved him and you cried a little harder when you replied no. For some reason you felt guilty, like you’d led him on. Lina told you to be quiet. Sometimes that’s how relationships worked. They couldn’t all end in love. No one had led anyone on, the relationship had just run its course.

She was probably correct, but it didn’t really make it any better. What was the point in it all, if that was how you were always going to end? It seemed unfair and cruel. Also made you wonder if you’d ever find love? You knew you were still young, but you should have at least experienced something like that by now, however innocent… Maybe that’s why you were so sad...

Lina asked if you wanted her to come over but you refused. It was getting late and she had an early shift tomorrow. You’d be fine for tonight but maybe tomorrow evening she could come around and bring some cake from the place she worked at? She said yes, of course, already mentally choosing flavours, but just as you were about to hang up after saying your goodbyes she suddenly remembered something… Much to your dismay.

“Wait… How come you were at Jin’s place then?”

“I… uh…” You began, unsure of how to continue. “I don’t really know the answer.” You hoped that was enough to satisfy her. Of course you had a multitude of potential reasons why you turned up at his door, the most recent one maybe making the most sense, but telling her that would just complicate the matter. She wasn’t Seokjin’s biggest fan, so of course she would be naturally suspicious. Especially because you’d ran to him immediately after the break up. She might not have said it out loud, but you could sense it.

Feeling oddly defensive over him, you tried to dispel her doubts even more. “Lina, he was really sweet. I was an idiot for turning up at his door unannounced but he was so nice about it.” You thought about adding that you stayed the night, but she hadn’t asked that, so you thought it best to stay quiet. For now.

“Yeah, bet he was.” As dubious as ever. “I’m surprised he didn’t try comforting you with his dick…”

“He would never. We’re past all that now.” The word comfort lingered in your mind though. Last night you had been after just that and in all honesty, you didn’t know if you would’ve turn him down if he’d offered… It was a horrible thought to have, and you were glad Seokjin hadn’t tried anything, but it still existed in a part of your brain you’d rather not dwell on…

Lina let it slide soon after that. She trusted you, but she didn’t trust Seokjin, that was a running theme, but she said goodnight, promising to see you tomorrow with cake. You felt a little better after that, lighter. A problem shared with your best friend was a problem halved, but yet… There was one thing you had been keeping from her.

The threesome. You had never known how to slip it into conversation at the time, also quite afraid if it would change her opinion on Yoongi, so you’d just kept silent. Back then it hadn’t mattered, but now Yoongi and you were over things were different. The threesome played a part in the break up, at least in your opinion it did, and you couldn’t leave that out tomorrow when Lina came over. You needed to tell her.

You were just wondering when things would get simpler, when your doorbell buzzed. You jumped, not expecting it at all, and your first thought was that Lina hadn’t listened to you and was at your door, but she wouldn’t have been able to drive here so quickly, so the next person you thought of was Yoongi. Maybe he’d changed his mind, or maybe you were pathetic. You stood up pretty quickly anyway, rushing to the door, despite your better judgement and looked through the peephole. Your stomach did a little flip when you saw who it actually was. In shock more than anything…or at least, that’s what seemed to be the logical reason.

You sprung the door open. “Seokjin?!”

“Surpriseee. The one and only,” he sang, before smiling a little and lowering his gaze to the floor. He seemed slightly nervous. “I know I said I’d message you but well… I was going to the gym but then thought fuck it and got food instead—and then I thought maybe you’d want some?” He finally looked your way again, waiting for your reply. You noticed the brown bag bunched in his hand. “Sorry if it’s too late to eat. I did try calling but your phone was engaged…”

You shook your head. “No, no, it’s fine. C-come in.” In all honesty you were still a little shocked. Seeing Seokjin at your door, him bringing you food. You’d resigned yourself to not seeing him again for a while. You’d resigned yourself for one little ‘hope you’re ok’ text… Not this. This made you feel lighter, happier…

He followed you inside and stopped by your couch. You took a moment to glance over him. Habit more than anything, just to see what he was wearing. Sweatpants and a long sleeved top that made him look broader than usual, (impossible, but true). Both black. A red baseball cap on his head. “I actually haven’t eaten much all day so take out sounds good,” you smiled. Your stomach rumbling a little now that you could smell the food. “What is it?”

“Chinese.” He answered, sitting down and placing the bag on your coffee table. He looked inside and began pulling containers out. “I got a mixture but remembered your favourite. It’s still sweet and sour chicken, right?”

“Right,” you chuckled, surprised he’d remembered. “I’ll get plates.” Your kitchenette was to the back of him, so you took the time to wipe your eyes, making sure there were no stray tears hanging about from your phone call with Lina. You also hoped they weren’t red and obvious, but if Seokjin had already noticed he didn’t say anything. You pulled out two plates from the cupboard as he spoke again. “You don’t mind me turning up though?”

You turned around, seeing him doing the same to catch a look at you. You shook your head. “No. Not at all.” That seemed to satisfy him and he smiled, turning back to start opening the food up. You noticed the bottle of coke on the table and pulled out two glasses as well, making your way back to him.

Seokjin shared the food out as opposed to helping yourselves and you poured the soda. The first bite was amazing. All you’d had today was a measly slice of toast and a yogurt, so it wasn’t surprising at how much better you felt with some good food in you.

“What have you been doing today?” He asked after a moment. He sounded funny, a little too formal, like he was trying his best to sound and be natural but failing exponentially. You held back a giggle, not wanting him to feel self conscious, but he was also perched on the couch like he was too afraid to relax. You ended up breaking.

“Seokjin, sit back. You’re making me nervous,” you chuckled. The noise sounded weird. Good weird, but weird. He looked at you with panicked eyes which just made you laugh even harder. “Come on, move,” you ordered, using your free hand to push him back. He obliged, now laughing along. “I’m not keeping you prisoner.”

“I know you’re not,” he said quietly. Cutely.

It was funny how things seemed so awkward between you two. Not bad awkward, just maybe a little nervous awkward. He seemed more nervous than you. You guessed that was from the turning up at your door randomly. But who cared, you’d done exactly the same to him last night. You were even now. You went to tell him that, but realised you hadn’t answered his previous question. You cleared your throat and shrugged. “I haven’t done much today. Started a new series on Netflix.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Want to put it on now?”

You and Seokjin had watched The Office together at some point during your…hookups, so it brought back memories when you agreed. Sitting on your couch, eating, talking. You liked it. The company was very much appreciated, beat being alone. You filled him in on what the show was about and what he’d missed. You liked the sound of his laugh as he watched, it was comforting. He even offered to tidy the dishes away when you were finished, rinsing them clean for you. He sat back down after that, slightly hesitant as if he didn’t know if he should get going now. You didn’t really want him to leave yet, and besides, there was probably something he should know regarding Jemma’s loud and mistaken mouth…

“I, er…” You began, taking a sip of your drink to busy yourself. “I did end up telling Lina.”

Seokjin smiled. “That’s good. What did she say?”

A breath of laughter left you. “I think she was in shock more than anything. She was the one on the phone just now,” you explained. “Um…” Seokjin could sense your hesitation and he tilted his head, silently urging you to continue. “She heard something…”

“Heard what?” He frowned, sounding puzzled and concerned.

Damn. You were probably making this ten times more awkward. It was no big deal, Seokjin probably didn’t even give a shit, but you thought he should know regardless. “She saw Jemma today, heard her talking… She thought me and you were…” You paused purposefully, unable to spell it out, but your wide eyes hopefully explained it all.

Seokjin stayed silent, but you could definitely tell by his expression he understood what you meant. Finally he spoke, gaze holding yours. “Both of them thought?”

You nodded. “Jemma definitely did.”

He sighed. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He apologised unnecessarily. “I text Jemma earlier telling her the date was nice but probably shouldn’t happen again. She didn’t message back. I guess I know why now…”

“It’s not your fault. I was the one who showed up. I guess she was always bound to get the wrong idea.” Seokjin nodded, agreeing with you, and that’s when you realised something, groaning. “I hope it doesn’t get back to Yoongi.” You didn’t think their paths crossed, but she could know someone who was friends with him. It could quite easily happen…and you were suddenly regretful for not letting Yoongi know where you went last night. You’d pretty much lied to him…but then again, what did it matter? You were over now. Never getting back together.

“I’ll call her. Tomorrow or something, I’ll let her know the truth so it doesn’t escalate.” Seokjin reassured you.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him, chin in your palm. Somehow you’d curled your legs up onto the cushions, body angled towards him. He sat back further, legs stretching to rest his feet on the coffee table. He used to do that a lot when he was over. You guess old habits died hard. He hadn’t even noticed he’d done it now, a reflex almost. You watched him happily.

“Have you heard from Yoongi today?” He asked, a little hesitantly, as if he was worried to ask. Scared of your reaction?

“He called too. We talked some more… He’s picking up his stuff in a few days.” You thought that it would hurt more, saying it out loud again, but maybe you’d had practice with Lina.

Seokjin glanced over at you, brows furrowed. “So it really is over?” He sounded surprised. “I thought maybe you guys would sort it out…”

That was cute he was hopeful. You were quickly losing that, understanding the truth. Being realistic. “Jin, he doesn’t love me and will never love me. I don’t think it’s something we can sort out.”

“And you don’t love him?”

You watched him play with his hands in his lap. A nervous habit. He was slowly getting better at serious conversations. You’d need to compliment him on that soon. For now you just shook your head, meeting his eyes. There was nothing more to say about that. You changed the subject. “Lina’s coming over tomorrow. I think…I think I’m going to tell her about the threesome.”

Seokjin looked surprised for a moment, maybe slightly red-faced at your frank wording. After treating it like it never happened for so long, it felt good for you to be so upfront with yourself, and that meant telling your best friend too.

“You never did?” He asked and you shook your head. It was your secret. He scoffed. “That’ll go down like a lead balloon.” He probably wasn’t wrong. “But if you think it’s a good idea… and that you need her to know… Although,” he paused to shrug. “I’m kinda surprised you never said anything to her before.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Are you that surprised?” Seokjin chuckled, and you tilted your head, lowering your voice. “Did you tell anybody?”

He shook his head. “Nah. I already said I wouldn’t, right? It wasn’t really my place.” It was a pretty strange thing to say. You, Yoongi and Seokjin were all involved equally. It concerned you all. You wouldn’t have minded at all if he’d confided in someone about that night. Even though Yoongi had wanted to keep it hush-hush. You hoped Seokjin knew that. You wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come, and then he was speaking again. “You seem better today though… More yourself.”

“I do feel better. It’s sunk in now, I think. Still feel a little strange though… Empty…but–but if I never loved him either I can’t really be heartbroken? Am I just feeling sorry for myself?” You didn’t mean to offload again and ask questions Seokjin didn’t know the answer to, but surprisingly he managed to give a pretty good insight.

“I think,” he swallowed. “I think loving someone and being in love are two totally different things. You love Yoongi but you’re not in love with him? That doesn’t really matter though. You can still hurt.” He shrugged, probably thinking he was talking shit. He wasn’t. It made sense. “You’re allowed to feel however you want. You did just get broken up with after all.”

You let his words sink in, smiling slightly, voice low once again as you teased him. “Philosophical.”

He upturned his shoulder, sounding cocky, a grin on his face. “I had to take an elective.” You whined and pushed his shoulder. “No, serious,” he insisted. “That’s how I met Namjoon.” You burst out laughing, unsure why, it wasn’t even that funny, but he laughed along with you, a happy glint in his eyes as he watched you.

“Hey…” He murmured, once your peals of laughter had died down. “About last night. I don’t know if you remember, you were pretty sleepy, but you said something…” Oh, God. Nervousness filled you slightly. What had you said? You tried to remember everything, but maybe you’d let something pass your mind… He sounded cautious when he continued. “You said that you thought you were the problem, and I just, I know I said it’s not you last night, but please, it really isn’t you. Don’t think that. Ever.”

He sounded so stern you just nodded in response. Caught off guard by his kindhearted attitude. “Yeah. It’s okay.” You finally managed to reply, because it seemed like he needed one. “I think I was just upset and acting insecure.”

“I mean, if every guy you’ve been involved with has hurt you one way or another, then it’s on them. Not you.” You appreciated what he was saying, surprised by the turn in conversation. It did make you feel better. To know there wasn’t something wrong with you. Seokjin cleared his throat, catching your attention again and you glanced at him. “And I’m sorry if I was ever one of them.”

“What, Seokjin?” You gasped. “No, of course you weren’t!”

“But with…Sohee…” He sounded reluctant to say her name. “I should’ve told you about her. I didn’t mean to keep it from you.”

“It’s fine.” You reassured him. “You explained all that at the party. Honesty, it’s fine.” You repeated, seeing him shake his head. You were over the Sohee situation already. It was silly that you’d ever been upset over it. He’d had sex with her right at the beginning of your…thing… before things were officially unofficial in a way, and for that, you couldn’t be mad at him. It didn’t bother you now. There were bigger issues in your life.

You opened your mouth again, not thinking too hard as you spoke because otherwise you’d chicken out. “Seokjin, you’re quite literally the only guy who hasn’t made me feel like shit, or cry, or whatever.” You sighed, your mind slipping back to one person… “I know Yoongi didn’t want to hurt me and I know he’s upset too. I get the situation is complicated and he’s not like the others but right now my heart really hurts when I think of him.” You hated seeing him as one of those guys. The ones that had shaped your views on love and relationships, and yeah, the situation this time was different, Yoongi wasn’t a bad guy, but it was still never supposed to end up like this. You weren’t supposed be left feeling so despondent

“Yeah.” Seokjin agreed. “I understand what you’re saying. I guess it’s a horrible situation to be in and I shouldn’t judge him, but you’re the one I care about, not him, so if you want me to call him a flaming bag of shit, I will. Just give me the signal.”

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh at his attempt to cheer you up. You appreciated it. Appreciated him, and he cared about you? That was sweet. You smiled warmly. “Thank you, Seokjin. I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me.”

“Am I not nice?!” He feigned outrage, as dramatic as ever. You giggled, whacking his shoulder. You’d missed him greatly. It was only now beginning to sink in. Just talking to him like this. You’d never really done it before, it was refreshing.

“No, of course you are,” you reassured. “I just mean, why are you wasting your time with me?”

He stared at you, a small smile on his face. “I missed you.” That simple. It felt good to hear he felt the same. “I know we don’t know what to call one another, given everything, but… I saw you as a friend back then too.” Your heart jumped. You’d been scared to call him a friend last night but it seemed he thought just like you. “You can tell me to fuck off if you like, but, well… we can get that friendship back?” He suggested. “Properly.”

You stayed silent, in shock, not quite believing your ears. Maybe you didn’t have to let him go now… He mistook the silence, panicking. “I know it seems like I’m bouncing on an opportunity here, but I promise it’s not like that. I just think being friends will be fun.”

“Fun?” You repeated, wrinkling your nose with a chuckle. “Maybe you’re right. I’d like to be your friend. I missed you too.” Maybe things weren’t so bleak. Maybe there was something good to come out of everything, and now you wouldn’t have to wonder when you’d see Seokjin again…

“I am right,” he confirmed. “Always am.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t push it.” And then… “One confession though…” He cocked an eyebrow, curious and unsuspecting. You groaned, burying your face in your hands, feeling guilty. It was time to admit. “I need your number again. I deleted it.”

There was a brief pause and then his voice was as loud as ever as he joked around. “You did?! Well, I can’t be having that. Where’s your phone?!”

“I’m sorry,” you whined, reaching for your cell behind your back the same time he grabbed for it too. His hands cupped over yours as you looked up at him. His body was leant into you, the warmth instant, and you let him have the device, a small thank you leaving him, but no sooner had you felt it, the heat, it was gone along with him, his back against the couch once more.

You watched him try your phone code, you forgot how he knew it already, still remembered it. He celebrated with a yes under his breath, quickly typing his number into your phone book. He handed it back to you with a smile. “Now you have no excuse. I expect a message every morning and night.” You groaned. He silenced you with a finger in the air. “I also have a test coming up Friday, so a good luck would be nice.”

Rolling your eyes, you shot him a smirk. “In your dreams.” However, yeah, he probably would get that good luck message… That’s what friends were for, right?

Written 2019-20. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

#seokjin smut #bts smut #seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:crystallised

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miraculouscontent · 5 years ago

Note

Did you ever give your thoughts on Gamer 2.0? If not, would you mind sharing?

I haven’t given my thoughts, no, and I wouldn’t mind sharing!

(Firstly, just throwing this out there: I have no comment on the fact that we’re clearly missing an episode, so “sad trombone akuma” being there doesn’t strike me in any particular way. I complain about the order that episodes are released in, but I don’t feel that an episode being aired “out-of-order” should count towards what I view as its quality.)

(Also going to ignore Marinette’s much more intense love of gaming because it makes more sense than what she had in “Gamer”. I don’t mind retcons if they’re doing so to make more sense.)

(…though I do wish this had been the episode where Sabine gets into gaming rather than her already liking it)

Anyway, Gamer 2.0 is certainly… something. It asks the question of “what if each villain-of-the-day could duke it out with each other?” It also shows us how Ladybug and Chat would use them if they could take control. Seeing these guys come back in an interesting way (even though some akuma have an inherent disadvantage due to the battlefield, which is admittedly kinda dumb) is very interesting (also adore some of the references there).

I also like the ending, where Marinette brings Max to her parents and they literally drag him away to go play video games together. Her parents getting all excited and the hilarity of Max just being helplessly dragged off was funny. Max also gives up his akumatized object willingly (after Ladybug nails yet another lucky charm), which was a good moment (Chris doesn’t even remotely count for me because they were threatening to destroy his robot).

…That said, I really don’t like the rest of this episode. Now, admittedly, part of it is me judging the episode for what it isn’t rather than what it is, but I’ll get there.

[Level 1 - Max Attack]

Alright, so… Max.

Like, look, I get it. Max is hurting because he put all this work into this game and no one has time to play it for him.

But at the same time, this is one of the weakest akumatizations I’ve ever seen, at least in terms of the set-up.

For example, characters like Kim didn’t establish that they’d be gone for a long time. All Kim said that he was going to the pool. His activity would take the rest of the day at worst.

It’s the same with Kitty Section, who are only planning to try on Marinette’s T-shirts (by the way, completely unrelated, but having that happen before this scene and giving them a different excuse would’ve been way better considering that Kitty Section could’ve suggested Marinette because they know she’s been stressed, but I digress).

If Max is so invested in this game, he can just do small touches while he waits for someone to be free, whether it’s Kim or Kitty Section. It’s one thing to be really excited about it, but it’s another thing (especially for Max) to not even consider asking people when they would be free, because then he could just excitedly work on his game while he waits for that person to be available.

Now, if people had to keep bailing on Max due to obligations, continuously saying that they’d do it but having to cancel due to getting wrapped up in other things, that’d be different. It would be a frustrating (however understandable) situation for Max, where he can’t exactly be angry at his friends, but he has a right to be disappointed.

I simply just don’t buy that he spent maybe an hour asking everyone and then got sad enough to be akumatized because they had prior arrangements they’d already agreed to. If asking people to play with him was just to playtest his game, then he can simply continue working on it while he waits.

Heck, if he made this whole game himself, why not talk to people about design choices instead, which takes up a lot less time? Surely he has beta designs or things he wasn’t sure about. I can’t imagine many of his friends minding if he just showed them some concepts and asked for their opinion, which would only take a few seconds. If he’s aiming to make his game the best it can be, then–

…I’m getting too deep into this.

*ahem* Point being, his game is likely not perfect yet and it would’ve been more believable for his disappointment to be built up more. It’s great that he was a good sport when Ladybug beat him fair and square, but when the episode prioritizes his problems over Marinette’s (which I’ll get to), I want to understand the feelings he has when he gets akumatized, and I don’t.

Even if one were to say that it was Chloe’s insult who caused it…

Max, think for half a second.

Chloe is a bully who lies just to rile people up, and if Max honestly believes that his friends are lying to him (which makes zero sense, since Marinette verified what Kitty Section Minus One™ told Max without him asking), then he needs to have a little more faith in himself and his relationships, because yikes.

[Level 2 - The Pavement of Predictability]

People who have been following me for a long time know how much it irritates me when an episode lays out its plot from the word “go”. I definitely filled my sarcasm quota for the day–for the week, really–as this episode hammered how stressed Marinette was and how much she had to resist gaming, followed by someone being akumatized with a gaming theme.

Like, gee, I wonder what will happen?

I wonder if Ladybug will try to go through this as quickly as possible.

I wonder if her usual gaming skill will vanish when she does so.

I wonder if none of this will be blamed on the fact that she’s likely lacking sleep (she fell asleep during her test even though she managed to fill it out), is stressed beyond belief, and needs a freaking hug.

I wonder if that schedule Adrien mentioned will go completely disregarded as Chat is unbothered skipping out his obligations because being a hero is “fun” for him, further making this all pointless considering that Adrien doesn’t care about his schedule and Marinette does because most of the things she’s doing are things for people she cares about.

I wonder if Chat will continue goofing off as he practically ignores the fact that Ladybug told him that she had things to do, only worsening Ladybug’s mood.

I wonder if Ladybug will be mocked viciously just because she’s in a hurry.

This entire akuma fight played out exactly how I thought it would, right down to Chat purposefully throwing himself off the edge to let Ladybug deal with the final battle alone. The only thing I was happy to be right about predicting was Ladybug’s win over Gamer 2.0, which was legitimately awesome of her as usual.

The problem with this whole fight (more the conversations during the fights, really) is that it’s standard. It’s too easy to see where it’s going, and where it’s going isn’t pleasant.

Marinette wanted to play with Max. She didn’t maliciously deny him or try to lie her way out of it. She just had too many things to do.

And for that, she’s punished by being forced to play a long, drawn-out game with him.

She didn’t do anything to deserve this happening to her, but the narrative is clearly setting this up for comedy because anger is often seen as more funny than sadness and Ladybug is mostly frustrated and nothing else.

But, in this situation, I don’t think that either would be funny, and Gamer 2.0 being a smug akuma who makes fun of Ladybug when she loses just pours salt in a wound that he caused.

Even if the mocking is a punishment for how Ladybug is unable to handle the situation well, it doesn’t work because I can see how she’s not taking it well. She is fourteen years old and has the burden of a miraculous placed upon her without her asking for it. She struggles to say “no”, she still has to go to school and do well, and she has friends and celebrities who unintentionally request things for her at the same time.

And it’s not like this whole “punishment” thing hasn’t happened before. There have been episodes like “Antibug” where Marinette has to learn a “”””lesson“””” because she snapped at Chloe for interfering with her job, and now it’s just the same thing but Marinette how dare you be busy alongside everyone else and how dare you not ignore your obligations to have fun instead.

It’s cruel, plain and simple. It’s the “working-on-actually-important-things” Ladybug versus the person who got akumatized because everyone had too many obligations one day to playtest his game.

Just… whyyyyyy.

[Level 3 - Chat Cove]

We’re gonna have to have another “look, I get it” moment here because… look, I get it, Chat’s character is there to be the goofball while Ladybug is a lot more serious.

But Chat here absolutely cannot catch onto Ladybug’s mood, and the only reason he’s helpful at all is because he likes gaming.

Let’s look at the facts, scene by scene.

Firstly, the one thing I did like, which was him being concerned about Gamer 2.0 laying a trap out for them when Ladybug was clearly stressed and perhaps not thinking straight. Good moment, bravo, and all that, because Chat should be ready to have a little restraint to cover for Ladybug when she doesn’t.

…But then all of that is immediately thrown out the window by the time they step into the game itself.

Here’s what happens: Ladybug picks the Mime for one of her fights. While she’s busy, Chat makes a teasing (or perhaps semi-serious) comment to her, which Ladybug replies to and thus loses what she’d been miming.

Chat then feels the need to tell her that she loses what she mimes if she talks.

…Well then maybe you shouldn’t have said anything that warranted a reply, Chat.

Chat also is aware that Ladybug is stressed (she basically said it to his face), yet when it’s his turn to play the game, he waffles around as he tries to decide on which character to use, cracking jokes about using Copycat but it being “too easy if it’s basically himself” until Ladybug gets irritated by this. He then picks Mr. Pigeon and continues goofing off.

Am I meant to be annoyed that Ladybug snapped at him? Because I’m not. I don’t mind if he’s still his jokester self but he shouldn’t be wasting time when Ladybug stressed how many things she has to do. What he did as Mr. Pigeon was legitimately funny, but the fact that he seems to almost intentionally waste time despite what Ladybug said makes it frustrating.

Theeeen we get to Gamer 2.0’s comment on Ladybug’s rushing and Chat trying to teach Ladybug a lesson.

First, Gamer 2.0, because the problem is not that Ladybug is trying to rush. I mean, speedrunning is a thing that exists. The problem is that she’s not thinking due to intense stress and an increasing lack of interest.

(Not only that, but why is Gamer 2.0 smug and not sad/annoyed by this? That would be actually INTERESTING if he was trying to make the game as fun as possible and was disappointed that Ladybug was just irritated by it. This is supposed to be HIS game, so how can he be satisfied with someone not enjoying it(he’s even glad later that she’s enjoying herself, but he’d been enjoying her frustration, so…???)? And regardless, no self-respecting gamer would get smug at winning because their opponent wasn’t trying or wasn’t into it.)

Second, Chat, and this bizarre lesson of “it’s not about not knowing how to play, it’s because you’re not having fun!”

Like, okay, it’s great that he asked her if she was alright instead of being upset that she lost multiple times, but to then turn around and give her non-advice?

Yeah, no. Just no.

Firstly, knowing how to play IS actually important (can’t believe I have to say this) and whether someone’s having fun or not doesn’t matter.

On the contrary, some people have fun regardless of if they win or not. Some people may not even try to win and just do whatever they want. If two people have the same amount of skill but one of them has more fun, then yes, theoretically the fun person could win, but they could just as easily lose if they’re not focused enough due to having too much fun.

The advice should not be to “have fun;” it should be to remain calm and focus on a plan, because that’s what Ladybug does best at.

Chat is applying his own logic to Ladybug, which only works because plot. Chat and Ladybug have two completely different styles and Chat is only thinking of himself and what he does. It’s as if Chat doesn’t even understand Ladybug or how she works.

Heck, this episode could’ve even been a compromise! Maybe Ladybug is too stressed and Chat goofs off too much, so they’d have to find a happy middle-ground where they’re focused but still having enough fun to not be stressed.

The only reason Chat is on any sort of high-ground here is because this is a game. I mean, we all remember “Stormy Weather” where he was so nonchalant with the akuma that he got flung fifty feet in the air and slammed his face into a car, right? His tendency to have fun and goof off is just convenient here and only here.

Anyway though, back to the actual episode, Chat then feels the need to sacrifice himself so that Ladybug can fight Gamer 2.0 which, coming right after Chat’s so-called “lesson,” just makes me think that he has no communication skills whatsoever (not that it doesn’t make sense, but the show shouldn’t present him as doing the right thing).

The fact that only one of them can face Gamer 2.0 isn’t the problem, because that’s logical given that Gamer’s failure the first time around was due to him going up against two people (since Chat manned the controls while Ladybug dealt with the real Gamer inside the robot).

The problem isn’t even the fact that Chat has sacrificed himself before. I mean, yes, not all of those sacrifices were necessary, and yes, it puts undue pressure on Ladybug every single time. That’s a reasonable frustration and I will never deny that.

The problem then is that Chat failed to convey his sacrifice to Ladybug. They have all the time in the world to talk and Chat is hardly there for a few seconds before just being like “lol bye i trust you.”

This is what I mean when I talk about Chat’s communication problems. I have no issue with him throwing himself off the edge, but only if he and Ladybug had agreed on it.

Ladybug is the planner. She usually gets the akuma. It makes perfect sense why she’d be the one to face Gamer 2.0.

But why did Chat have to be so dramatic about it? Ladybug felt horrified and pressured at his sacrifice because he decided to do it without her consent. All it would’ve taken is a “let’s be real here, you’re the most qualified to do this and neither of us want to fight each other, so is it okay if I just knock myself out of the ring so you can do that, or do you have a reason why I’d be better at fighting this time?” and that would be it.

It’s just an unnecessary way to create drama/tension while needlessly making Chat look bad.

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, the narrative has Gamer 2.0 mock Ladybug over Chat’s sacrifice because she was the one who said she wanted to get the game over quickly.

Seriously? She’d been having fun for the last few rounds and the narrative still wants to get on her case for having obligations that she wanted to take care of? She gets told a phony lesson, manages to work with it, and then still has to be criticized for something that isn’t even a factor anymore.

(Also, I simply do not believe that the Gamer 2.0 who mocked Ladybug relentlessly and was unbearably smug during this whole thing would be so respectful and nice after Ladybug beat him.)

There’s also Chat’s line after Ladybug asks him how he manages to have fun between his superhero and civilian life, which he again brushes off in a very Chat-way.

It’s yet another situation where Chat doesn’t know Ladybug enough to give her advice. Chat simplifies his answer to “I have fun when I’m being a superhero” yet fails to mention that he has fun because his life is boring (due to his schedule) and he enjoys the freedom that being Chat Noir gives him.

Also, it’s a non-answer considering that Ladybug had also asked more specifically if he’s afraid that he’ll have to give everything up to be a superhero someday. Chat clearly isn’t thinking as seriously about his answer as she wanted and their situations aren’t comparable.

Adrien’s obligations are things that often annoy him since they disrupt his plans with others, so I can see why his immediate reaction would be “oh, you mean getting away from my father, never having to do photoshoots again, and being able to spend all my time with you? Heck yeah, sign me up, I’ll sacrifice all of that!” (I know that sounds bad considering he’d be giving up his friends too, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of a doubt and say that he’s only thinking about his obligations and trying to say something flirty to Ladybug at the same time).

But Marinette’s obligations are typically things that she wanted to do.

She wanted to make Kitty Section T-shirts.

She wanted to make Jagged Stone a poster.

And she also wanted to have time to play a game with her father.

Chat’s answer doesn’t apply to her, because Marinette’s happiness doesn’t come from being Ladybug. The show tries to present Chat’s line as something romantic, but ignores the fact that it doesn’t help her.

And, y’know, the fact that Chat “enjoying his time with Ladybug” often involves him throwing himself into danger and falling under an akuma’s influence, further stressing exactly why Ladybug can’t find enjoyment in fights at times.

Just… what did Ladybug do to you, show? Did she spill hot coffee on the lap of one of your writers or what?

Geez.

[Level 4 - I’m Already Sick of Making Level Names And This Episode Doesn’t Understand Focus So Why Should I Bother?]

Okay, so here’s where I talk more about what the episode isn’t, and it all comes back to how the show is portraying Marinette’s struggle and how the characters around her react.

Marinette has a “thousand” things to do. Her week is chock full of stuff and she’s miserable over it. Tikki is helping however she can (kinda), which is something, but what does Tom do?

He gives Marinette non-advice. Like, I legitimately don’t know if this man understands his daughter whatsoever.

It is far too late to talk to Marinette about having “too many cakes in the oven,” and even if it wasn’t, has Tom honestly forgotten the thing that we learned in the first episode ever?

Marinette struggles to say “no.” It’s a character flaw of hers. Whether she knew she had “too many cakes” is pointless because what likely happened is that Marinette knew that she was overloaded and could not control herself when she agreed to “more cakes.”

Tom and Sabine are utterly useless when it comes to Marinette’s conflict. Yet again, they babble about things that aren’t even remotely going to help their daughter (with Sabine focusing more on making Tom feel better than thinking how they can help Marinette). They have no idea of the struggle she’s going through, nor do they try to understand.

They just bury themselves in video games while Marinette suffers. Tom saying something to her is a step up from “Weredad,” but it’s a similar situation to that episode when Tom and Sabine talk to each other about it and then proceed to not do anything.

I’m not asking Tom and Sabine to completely solve Marinette’s problems. Obviously, that’s impossible. A lot of what Marinette needs to do can’t be done by another person.

But, they don’t know that Tikki exists. They could’ve offered to help her with her history. They could’ve offered her advice on how they remembered things when they used to be in school (which doesn’t solve everything but that’s kind of the point when they appear so early in the episode; they also could’ve been busy in the bakery at the start and then gave Marinette better advice later instead).

But they don’t, and that shows a huge problem in the episode. The moral of this episode is garbage because it’s not offering Marinette any actual solutions to her problems.

Some activities are just not fun. That’s an inevitability. “Making things fun” is a worthless, meaningless concept that waffles around the issue and ignores the fact that “having fun” could very well mean that Marinette could slip up by not focusing enough or being too relaxed in the situation of needing to get a lot of things done at once.

And, yet again, the show says that Marinette has a problem without actually giving her a solution.

Where are the people trying to give her strategies for time crunches? Where in this episode do people actually offer help concerning Marinette’s issue of being unable to say “no”? Where is the person who swoops in at the end to at least give actual advice on the issue (which I honestly thought they were going to do with Luka when I first saw that he was strangely absent from Kitty Section; it had nothing to do with me wanting Lukanette, I just thought there was a reason for him not being there)?

Heck, Max is even in the episode and is the focus in terms of getting akumatized and getting his freaking problems actually resolved in the end. With how smart he supposedly is, why not have Max care about Marinette’s problems and offer solutions based on facts and logic instead of something that Chat “feels” is correct?

Maybe he knows the exact time to take breaks and how long to take them so to both avoid burn-out and also refresh Marinette enough for her to remain at her best working speed? Maybe he could’ve even suggested a schedule that would show her how long each activity would realistically take given her usual speed, and how much she would have to work/relax based on that?

Like, just saying, I would hope that the students would want to help their “everyday Ladybug” (I know that phrase is meaningless now, but roll with me here) in any way they can.

Tom sings when he makes bread. He could suggest that Marinette sing/hum while doing her projects to help her relax.

Kitty Section (again, minus Luka for some reason) could all be productive based on music (Rose is even wearing headphones in “Reverser” while she’s in the art club), so each of them would offer Marinette the type of music they use to help them keep calm while still working hard.

Just something. Even on Marinette’s issue of saying “no,” maybe Sabine could suggest that Marinette use a handheld schedule to show all her activities and, when someone asks Marinette to do something, Marinette would check her schedule and “inadvertently” show it to them so they’d be able to see how busy she is. It won’t stop everyone from insisting that she still do it, but it would at least make some people be like “no, it’s okay, I see you’re busy” or “I can wait” while Marinette works on being able to say “no” right to their face (so it’s at least a minor solution to her problem while she works on the major solution).

But no. Marinette helps with someone else’s problems while her issues are brushed aside.

Again.

By the end of the episode, her issue is brushed away with “Well, surely her obligations can wait a while! She can go play with Max, it’s fiiiine! It’s not as if she said that she was overloaded and that breaks were absolutely not an option or anything! Surely, this was just a scenario where Marinette overreacted and it’s all her fault for freaking out so much instead of taking a break!”

This episode isn’t about helping Marinette. It’s about watching Marinette be miserable for minutes on end with no one able to actually help her. For a show that’s supposed to teach lessons, it’s woefully pathetic about it, preferring to make up solutions that don’t actually help anyone.

Just… ugh. I’d rather watch the original “Gamer”, and that’s saying something because I don’t like that episode either. Seeing the akuma fight was cool but it’s just not worth it.

#((I'm a little snarky/sarcastic this time around lol))#category: critique #category: long post #word count: over 4000 #episode: Gamer 2.0 #other: ask and answer

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