#he's pretty far from being “my type” bias-wise

[raehwang]

The speed at which yangyang wrecked his way into my heart is frankly concerning

[thevoidofwinter]

this is SUPER late bc its been A Time lately and i also kinda forgot for a while oops. BUT. a little bit of rambling about my cccc/hms designs + interpretation as requested by @keruukat :]

so first off, all three of them in my "main" designs for them are incredibly creature coded. this is literally just because i wanted to and enjoy that type of theme. mind is dragon themed, heart is... bird creature thing. themed. and soul is cockatrice themed which was actually not my idea and a big brain suggestion my friend @atticustimestwo came up with (thank you forever atticus btw. probably never would have thought of that myself sLJFKSL) !!! as a result of this, they're all incredibly instinct driven and highly reactionary. yes mind hates this.

side note, i also have different names i like using for them! mind is helios, heart is lunaris, and soul is anularis. this was mostly just to separate them when doing rps with friends but i've come to really enjoy these names :]

but with that out of the way! i'll start with my mind design bc i'm biased towards blue and dragons oops.

originally, he started out being the least creature coded of the three, both in terms how i was messing around with design and actually in how i read the "timeline" of the album, as it were. in character wise, he absolutely hated being "inferior" to the other two. he didn't have any claws to speak of, no scales, no feathers. he was the most human looking and he didnt like that. so what does he do? oh yknow.

design wise, i realized i liked leaning more into the robotic theming like a lot of people do bc idk! it's fun. why not. and then my dragon bias hit when i heard that One Line in RoE while drawing one day and the gears started turning. i still haven't ironed it out 100% drawing wise, but here's what i have so far:

a good part of the left side of his face is a screen! its default is just an eye, though it can be just about anything. it definitely turns to a clock during RoE and i do imagine it becoming super animated during TME. also glitchy from Be Born into TME as well.

his floating crown is a hologram he keeps up at most times, but the sun halo is just kind of. always there.

there's a lot of metal. like. a LOT. his neck is plated + his modulator is built into that. his entire spine is reinforced with metal. metal arms, probably some metal patches elsewhere too. and yknow the robotic dragon tail

he glows ominously in the dark. you can see that here- just kind of an aura type thing along with the glowy robotic bits on him.

he has irises and pupils, though most of the time they aren't visible bc he is. Tired. they snap into visibility when he's focused or angry though. (i have a very vivid mental image of them snapping into focus during the intro of TME)

he has mechanical wings! they're retractable and mostly are just there because, again, he couldn't bear to be "inferior" to heart and soul, who both also have wings. he can fly with them, though most of the time they're literally just for threat display. also yes, there are slits in the back of his jacket for the wings i just forget to draw them lol

he has an innate need to Be The Tallest. they're literally all the same height but this bitch wears heeled boots with metal on the soles to make himself taller.

the sun patch on his right jacket sleeve was put there by heart; the crown on the left he did himself.

he kinda??? has electricity abilities that he gained over the process of turning himself more robotic. this is important to note for a later note with soul :)

...that's all i can think of for now but i'm sure there's more i'm forgetting. its fine! onto heart :D

heart has always been the most creature coded to me, as the representation of emotion. and yknow. emotions can be pretty damn innate, instinctual, and visceral. or maybe that's just my take on it cause mine sure are lfsdkjhdfjk

i couldn't choose between black and white wings so his are both! a gradient from white into black with white speckles and purple heart-shaped markings on a few of the primary feathers :] he also has a lot of feathers in other places, such as covering his ears, his neck, chest, arms, legs, and of course tail.

his eyes aren't actually physically damaged! his near-blindness and extreme light sensitivity are actually a result of mind glowing blindingly bright (something something don't stare at the sun) after the shot, and then later the harsh red glow of soul's trident when he got the scars on his face.

his halo is a crescent moon most of the time, though it can change to different phases either on command or in reaction to his emotions. i haven't quite decided which phase stands for what yet, i'll figure it out eventually...

he loves loves loves putting patches on things, especially different textured ones. the heart patch on his hoodie sleeve is soft!

his blindfold has the phases of the moon on it! they weren't initially there as the blindfold was given to him by soul, but mind later embroidered the phases onto it during a concord loop.

his tail is actually kinda prehensile and really strong- he can totally use it to hang onto stuff and even hang off a branch upside down.

he used to be able to fly easily, but after getting his wings broken one too many times in scuffles, it's a lot more difficult to do so now. theoretically he still could with enough adrenaline, though.

he slouches a lot because of his wings, so he usually appears to be the shortest of the group. he can and will stand up straight for threat displays, though.

guy really doesn't like wearing shoes most of the time. socks it is.

aaand i think that's all i have for heart atm!

soooo, soul moment :] soul is such an intriguing guy to me. we really don't see (or hear, ig) a lot of him for a good part of the album, so tbh even to me he's still kinda an enigma. i do adore him a lot though. this guy is SO tired and done with heart and mind's shit, please let him have one (1) nap.

i went back and forth on this guy's design a whole lot before atticus suggested the cockatrice idea, and even a little bit after that i debated it for a while. should he be the most human, or appear so far disconnected that he's barely recognizable? WELL. turns out i went kinda midline with that lmao.

he has both scales and feathers to mirror heart and mind's respective features. i love a symbolism

he has a mane of feathers going down his spine, though it's usually only visible on his tail cause. yknow. clothes.

his wings are summonable, and he doesn't usually have them out cause they're HEAVY. they're a mix of draconic and feathered wings as well. he can also fly with them, though it's usually too much effort for him to even consider.

he has four red diamond-shaped lights hovering above his head at all times, like heart and mind have their respective permanent halos.

when under extreme stress/emotions, he has three light horns that manifest, reminiscent of his trident. he also glitches the fuck out

^ the visual glitching is actually a result of mind. what happened during the shot was that heart shot at mind (and missed, but the fact that heart even tried was the problem) -> when he finds out, soul unintentionally snaps and freaks the fuck out, attacking heart and mind -> mind panics and absolutely electrocutes soul, causing his form to glitch and go black and white -> ever since then, extreme emotions causes him to start glitching again!

the shadow half of him is also reactive to his emotions, though is there more often and easier than the glitching. it's pretty much his default, especially during cacophony. (i have a pretty vivid mental image of it fading into view during dream)

the back of his jacket has a trident, crown, and heart embroidered on it, something that all three of them worked on together :]

this is literally just for comedy reasons, but soul's shirt is usually a basic t-shirt, but sometimes it has text on it and the text can change at will

also have a few misc notes that i think are fun :]

while i do adore these creature-esque designs, i also want to do more abstract designs (that they're probably liable to shift to under extreme stress/it being their "true" forms), as well as closer to human designs :]

same thing with clothing designs. i'm so indecisive help. i think im gonna do all of one or two color designs, and then some alt designs where they mix and match colors some!

i do like to imagine heart is physically the strongest out of the three, mind mentally the strongest, and soul the strongest overall. just in relation to each other, of course.

...and i think that's all! at least all that i can remember right now lol, i'm likely to come back and edit this or reblog with additions when i think of more things. it's kinda intimidating to finally be posting this bc im usually so quiet on this front, but i hope whoever manages to read this giant wall of text enjoys! :D

[madmaddoxfuryroad]

HSMTMTS: Season 3 thoughts

So I’ve been ruminating a lot about this show today (like every other day) and I got to thinking about what they might do for season 3. Less so plot-wise (I mean season 2 is just over halfway through), but more about what musical they might do, what the cast might be, and how that could tie into the individual characters and their arcs (some more so than others, but c’est la vie).

In trying to figure out what musical they might do, I started first with the obvious: what does Disney own? I don’t think they would return to the HSM franchise (until the final season, but thoughts on that for another day), so anything related to that and other DCOMs I counted out. I also eliminated all Disney animated/princess films. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but seeing as this season they are doing BATB, I don’t think they would immediately go into another animated-film-adapted-for-broadway right after that. So at that point I wasn’t quite sure where to go. Mary Poppins was really the only other thing that came to mind and while I love the film and broadway show I just don’t think it fits the cast well slash even has enough parts to really showcase them. You have Mary and Bert. And then I guess Mr. and Mrs. Banks? Then the kids are a whole other issue. It just felt messy. So I just started thinking about broadway shows that I like, I mean if they wanted to, Disney has the money and could pay for the rights to use most shows. Then everything fell into place.

Into the Woods. I am 100% positive I am letting my bias for this show cloud my judgement, but if you stick with me, I think I can persuade you (or not, your mind is your own and I respect that). First off, Disney owns it. At least I think they do. They made the movie (RIP), so I am going to safely assume they have the rights at this point. Next, yes it contains fairytale elements, which might make you feel it’s a little too close to BATB, but it is such a deconstruction of fairytales and their tropes that I almost feel like it is an amazing follow up to a more traditional fairytale. It introduces conflict and the real world into these fantasy scenarios, which I feel goes really well with high school in general and growing up, expectations being shattered, and learning to alter your world view (I really love this play). Plus, I think it would be exciting to see this cast do a more broadway-type show. Obviously BATB is a broadway show, but I think there is a lot of reliance on knowing the film and less on the play itself. And not going to lie after Julia Lester’s rendition of “Home” last week (which I have not STOPPED listening to) it would be amazing to hear these teens tackle more broadway-style music. Which, takes me to my final point: the cast. What I love so much about Into the Woods is how it is very much an ensemble cast. Yes some roles are bigger than others, but if you have a named character, odds are it’s a fairly good role. And the whole HSMTMTS cast is so talented, I like the idea of them picking a show where it does not feel like anyone is sidelined with their part. Now the only thing left to do is cast it…

FULL disclosure. I ran into an issue early on that I ended up thinking Ashlyn was perfect for every female role and Seb was perfect for every male role. But I was eventually able to push through and cast it (in my humble opinion) pretty well. So I am just going to go off in the order that I cast them, because I think it will help explain my thought process.

THE CAST

Cinderella - Nini. Once I got over my need to hear Julia/Ashlyn sing “No One Is Alone” (loophole to this coming later), this felt like a pretty natural fit and was one of the easiest to cast. For one, I just think Olivia’s vocal range pairs very well with Cinderella’s and she could do beautifully with her songs like “On the Steps Of The Palace”. But what really got me was the way she parallels the character so perfectly. Cinderella is a character who always dreams of more but isn’t quite sure what that “more” is. And because she isn’t *quite* sure what she wants, the character is often seen grappling with indecision (see: “On The Steps Of The Palace”). Most of Act I is her being stagnant and letting the Prince take the active role. Finally in Act II she starts to get a better sense of who she is, who she wants to be, and what she doesn’t want. So this felt like it tied in really nicely with Nini’s journey and would be a great role for her, especially when…

Cinderella’s Prince - Ricky. Yes, yes I know. Ricky and Nini playing love interests? Groundbreaking. But stay with me. For one, I just like the idea of Ricky not getting the lead male role, and this part is perfect for him, regardless. The whole relationship between Cinderella and her Prince mirrors Nini and Ricky remarkably well. The way the Prince sees Cinderella as this perfect maiden who, if he could just be with her, would be the only thing he would ever want/need. But of course this isn’t realistic and isn’t how relationships work, which they both come to terms with by the end of Act II. Their break-up/parting ways scene might be my favorite in the entire play and I think it would be so great for Ricky and Nini to get to perform. In part because the conclusion of the scene is basically them both admitting that they will always love the idea of the other, even though they don’t actually work as a couple. (**I am operating on the assumption that they will have broken up in season 2 and are still broken up, but never really dealt with it). Honestly I recommend just watching the scene I will link it here (it goes from about 2:12:35-2:15:00). Plus, I could totally see there being an episode where they are trying to rehearse this scene, but it just isn’t working so Miss Jenn has both of them improv it or rewrite the lines to something that might feel more comfortable or personal. And I just see that being a really beautiful moment for the two and a chance for growth and closure. I could go on about this dynamic, but I will move on to my final point: “Agony”. First, while it is mostly a comedic song, you can take just the first verse of the song and recontextualize it really nicely as a Ricky pining kind of song, which I absolutely dig (not quitting on my Rina endgame, and you can’t make me) I mean: “If I should lose her, how shall I regain the heart she has won from me? Agony, beyond power of speech, when the one thing you want is the only thing out of your reach”. And BONUS I think we could also get a full-on version of “Agony” in all its absurdist glory with…

Rapunzel’s Prince - EJ. Well, sort of. Technically, no. BUT for the purposes of “Agony”, yes. At this point EJ will have graduated, but I don’t think he will be written out of the show, so it remains to be seen exactly what his place will be. I just think these two 100% need a song together and this is 100% that song. I could see it being something as simple as EJ is helping out with the show, the unnamed kid playing Rapunzel’s Prince is out, so they have EJ fill in. Or they have to have him go on for that kid last minute during the performance. It’s a quick, easily explainable thing that would have SUCH a great payoff.

Jack - Big Red. This was certainly one of the easier ones to cast, but my first thought was of course Seb. Jack is just a boy whose best friend is his cow and Seb radiates that energy. But I needed him for something else. Enter Big Red, the perfect Jack. For one, Big Red has a lot of that starry eyed wonderment that Jack has, that none of the other characters do. There is a purity and innocence to the way Jack sees a lot of things. That pairs nicely with Big Red. And it also opens the door for him to grow and mature more as a character. By the end of the show, Jack is in a place where is needs to transition more to adulthood and with Big Red being a senior by season 3, I think there is a lot of potential here. Also, with Big Red as Jack, I really like the character he is often paired with in scenes, but I will hold back until I get to them.

Witch - Kourtney. Yes. It is her time. One can debate over which character is the “main character” of Into the Woods, but for me it’s the Witch. And Kourtney deserves this. Did I heavily consider Ashlyn for this as well? You know I did. But I grow more and more confident in the casting of Kourtney the more I think about it. First thing’s first: the Witch belts, and I mean BELTS. Dara is such a powerhouse vocally that she would crush every moment of that; I have total faith. But the Witch also has such quiet and tender moments that people don’t think about as much, but are so necessary for the character to be effective and I think she also has that on lock. We have not seen a ton of it (so I would be eager to get more) but when she did her version of “Beauty and the Beast” she was able to find soft but strong moments in the song, and it was so lovely. Then, from a more thematic POV, the Witch is characterized as “the voice of reason”. While everyone else is running around in their fairytale dream world, she is always the one there dolling out the reality checks. And if that ain’t Kourtney. Basically, I think it is her time to get the lead and she would be amazing in this role.

Baker - Seb. Finally settled on a role for him. But really, how could it be anything else? I have felt since the first time we heard him sing (in Truth, Justice, and Songs in our Key, I think) that he was severely underused. The Baker is essentially the male lead, and he has earned it. I don’t think there’s much more that needs to be said here.

Baker’s Wife - Ashlyn. Here’s the thing: could someone else be cast as Baker’s Wife? Yes. And I am sure they would do a fine job. But the thing about this role is that you often don’t realize how fantastic it is until you see someone really great playing it. There’s heart, humor, tragedy, and so much more all wrapped into this character and I would far and away trust Julia/Ashlyn with this above all others. And Baker’s Wife gets to sing a short reprise of “No One Is Alone” so I get to win both ways. No matter how I try to cast it or rearrange characters, I keep coming back to the fact that Ashlyn is just hands down the correct choice. Plus she is one of the better options when it comes to having chemistry with Seb. And I’m not even talking about romantic chemistry, just more about the camaraderie of it, and being able to really see them as a team worth rooting for. They both have an inherent sweetness that makes you care for them, which is crucial for the show. AND this would be another opportunity for Julia Lester to flex her acting after playing VERY different roles in HSM and BATB. Basically, I don’t know when it happened, but I think I am a Julia Lester stan and I only want what is best for her and I think this is it. 

Little Red - Gina. “Didn’t see that one coming did you?” -Pietro Maximoff. And honestly same. There’s always that tough moment in casting when you’ve done the more obvious ones and then you feel sort of stuck with cast choices that weren’t really your choice. But this one really grew on me. Hopefully, I can do it justice. And I will be the first to admit Gina deserves her time to shine because I do think she is amazing. It just isn’t her time yet. It also doesn’t help that Into the Woods is one of the LEAST dance-centered shows and dance it where she really puts all others to shame. So this is where we landed. But it works. I promise. Little Red as a character is pretty naïve, but covers it up with over the top confidence. That feels pretty Gina. I love where her character has gone and all the growth she is displayed in trying to be more vulnerable. But there is still a part of me that does miss mean girl Gina and I think Little Red is a great way to get that energy without backtracking the character development. I don’t think she would be the stereotypical “bratty” Little Red, but I think she could still do something great with it. Also very similar to Jack, Little Red is one of the more innocent characters that has to grow up and face a lot of harsh realities over the course of the play. And I have no doubt Gina would nail that aspect of it, too. And speaking of Jack, Little Red has a number of scenes interacting with him and you know what that means: Gina and Big Red bonding time! I really like the idea of these roles bringing the two closer as friends. And I already head-canon that they would have a ton of fun playing with the fact that they are now Big Red and Little Red (especially since he is on the shorter side and she is on the taller side). Basically I see this as a way for them to build up a really good rapport. I am also pretty convinced that Big Red is a secret Rina shipper, and this would only add to that. And finally even though this is not a dance-heavy show at all, one place where they could add a dance is during “Hello Little Girl”. Now I will be the first to admit that this song is dicey at best, particularly for Disney. But even a scene working on the dance with just the instrumental, no lyrics, could be great. I see it as a partner dance with the wolf (I don’t know dance terms, so maybe this is super vague). And oh, wouldn’t you know it? Cinderella’s Prince is often double-cast as the wolf! (WHAT ARE THE CHANCES) Meaning the Wolf would also be good ol’ Richard Bowen. And I like the idea of getting Rina scenes of them trying to work on the dance, but Ricky is super bad a leading, and they just have fun trying to figure it out. It’s also nice that it is absolutely not a romantic dance so the two wouldn’t feel any added pressure and could just have fun with one another, and that really is when Rina is at its best (not that I would say no to a scene where Gina has to teach Ricky the BATB waltz, but I digress).

Narrator/Mysterious Man - Carlos. By process of elimination, you probably could have guessed who was next. And I know this one also feels like a weird choice but I do kind of love it. First you have the narrator, which is another one of those roles that is only as memorable as the actor playing it, which I think is right up Carlos’ alley. He is always trying to put his unique stamp on things and be memorable and he would take the narrator in a very enjoyable direction. There’s also the matter that I see Carlos as something of an assistant director with Miss Jenn, which makes him a third-party observer of the shows inherently, so it is almost a little meta that he would also end up being the narrator. Then there’s is the mysterious man. I love the idea of Carlos getting to play two very different characters, but I love it even more because the mysterious man is the father of the baker which makes for a lot of sweet moments between the two of them. Yes it might be a little weird for Seblos to be playing father and son, but there is such a vulnerability and tenderness in the moments between the two characters, particularly during “No More” that I can get over it. Because I think they are one of the few pairings on this show that could really pull that off. I just think this character would be a great way to exhibit the range of Carlos.

**BONUS ALTERNATE CASTING**

I really, really love this idea and could not fault them if this was the direction they went, but I ultimately decided against it, mostly because I felt too strongly about another character having the role BUT:

Baker’s Husband - Carlos. I just really love the idea of Seblos getting to be front and center, with their dynamic as the focal point of the show. And honestly Carlos would also do an amazing job as this character. I mean, Seb and Carlos singing “It Takes Two”? How sweet is that? This would also be a great way for the development of their relationship to get a little bit more attention, instead of a side story here and there. There is a lot that could be done with this from a story perspective and I would be here for it.

Unfortunately, then that leaves me unsure of where to put Ashlyn. She could be Jack’s mother, but that feels like such a waste of her. I mean, she would do well and she does have the lead this year, so it’s not SO terrible her having a more minor character, but it just doesn’t feel right. And I really just feel so strongly that she would be the best option for Baker’s Wife out of everyone. And it opens the door to develop the Seb and Ashlyn friendship more, which I am always here for. 

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. If you made it this far: wow and thank you!

[homosexualadventure]

every single lmam song, ranked.

i just finished listening to let’s make a music for the first time, and Oh My God it rocks. it’s a great podcast and if you’re reading this without having listened to it...i don’t know what to tell you. i don’t know what you think lmam means. but, that aside, if you haven’t listened to it yet: go listen to it! it’s not a crazy long podcast, overall or episode length-wise, so it’s manageable even for people who usually can’t handle podcasts (like me!) anyways, now that it’s over, what’s left for me to do with my time and energy that i used to spend thinking about lmam?

listen to the episodes again so that i can rank all fourty-one songs from worst to best, of course. so that’s exactly what i did.

i mostly ranked these on my gut feeling, because i didn’t come up with the idea of ranking it on a set of points before like...five minutes ago. there’s a bit of personal bias in here, so if you disagree with me on rankings, hey! send me an ask, or a dm. we can talk about it. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it! let’s...make a ranking. haha. that’s just a fun little lmam joke for you. 

41. the roquefort stank

this song only gets points for laura’s stanky noises in the background. i love laura.

40. shan’t he shanty

weirdly catchy. for a sea shanty, that is. that’s all i have to say.

39. well, i’m on child...

i do love a good gay song about polyamory but it just wasn’t enough in this case. truly heartbreaking. 

38. dog trash

i’m not a big fan of polka in general. that’s all i have to say. i don’t have to explain all my decisions. this is my journey. and it’s your journey that you’re taking with me.

37. echoes of wednesday

it’s not my favorite but i do think it’s sweet and i like all the laura vocals. also the zuko vocals. 

36. brothers in legs

not their best character song but it’s still a song you could quietly headbang to. i just don’t love full story ballads (there is an exception to this, you’ll see) most of the time. 

35. ol’ tim’s tricks

i’m not saying it’s a bad song, i’m just saying it sounds like it was once in a made for tv disney channel-esque movie about a girl who finds her calling in sports and friendship.

34. don’t give me that altitude

very queen-esque with general 80s vibes and i like that.

33. dreamless

if it was longer i think it would be a lot higher on the list, because it’s Good. but i don’t feel right putting a 45 second song above, like, tobie’s razor. still! i love the mellow, kind of sad and eerie tones of it.

32. holiday crime!

look i know this one’s fairly low on the list, hear me out: it’s a good song and it’s pretty memorable as well! but as far as holiday songs go, i don’t think it’s their best or most iconic one. laura’s laughing and beat in the back is absolutely wonderful and heartwarming, though.

31. mr. dad

this one gets a higher rating than the previous holiday song for its good good harmonica and because when i heard the lyrics “but you love to watch him go” used to describe mr. dad i almost toppled my chair backwards with me still in it.

30. mourning ritual

the biggest load of 1980s bullshit i’ve ever heard in this decade. somehow it’s also got a big panic! at the disco vibe and i’m not sure how i feel about it but it’s definitely Strongly There and i can’t deny it.

29. outback sadhouse

it’s RIDICULOUS how well they nailed the sufjan stevens vibe with this one. plus the restaurant dialogue bit in the back of the song really adds a lot. 

28. let down my better dynamite

it’s really easy to bop to and the instrumental in the background is FANTASTIC! jonah really killed it with this one. plus they talk a lot about rats in the episode which is nice for me because i love rats. also it’s the first episode with an instance of “brian does a bit”.

27. the tale of the greazzy creek

i just think it absolutely nails the vibe of a rural campfire grizzled old cowboy song while also being a really catchy theme song. like, i think you could’ve snuck it into holes (2003) and i would’ve been like, yeah, that sounds right. 

26. turn around and come down slowly

not one of their more iconic songs but brian’s voice is so pretty in this and it’s really soothing. 

25. ratless randy’s

i don’t know why it’s this high on the list either, but it is. ratless randy’s really IS the place to be, guys.

24. tobie’s razor

i will be honest. when i saw the title for this episode for the first time i just thought “occam’s razor” and as i type this i can’t even think of what that actually is, so..... anyways, i’d say this song absolutely NAILS the vibe but i have no idea what vibe it’s even remotely related to. certainly does nail the internal childhood monologue though. i think this song is the first one where they really started hitting their stride, also. not that it’s better than some of the earlier ones, but this one forward their songs were pretty consistently high quality. plus, and no one will be surprised by this by now, it gets extra points for laura. 

23. armoire of royals

it’s weird, it’s synthy, has a vaguely billie eilish-esque part near the end which is not necessarily a point in favor depending on your taste but it Definitely is surprising and cool, and it’s got fake british accents. what more do you need out of a song?

22. sybil’s night scare

the piano in this is perfect and fantastic and the comedic timing in the song is just right. jonah’s delivery of “they’re actually real human eyes” is so goddamn good and his singing is Also great and frankly i think we can all agree we’re fucking tired of him saying he can’t sing. i mean, i assume (i fucking hope) he’s stopped saying that by now considering he had the majority of vocals on silo by a bit but Still. it’s a good peppy halloween-y song.

21. chalice for your thoughts

two spooky songs in a row! honestly, i’m not sure what reasons i have for ranking this song as high as i did. i just like it a lot. they were able to include a lot of weird twitter suggestions fairly seamlessly, and it’s just soft and pretty. spooky, but still pretty. 

20. 21st blitheday

i admit it: i fucking hate the voice brian uses in this. but i really, really like the song. the beat’s very good and somehow brian still manages to sing the chorus well and make it sound nice even though his affectation is Stupid as hell <3 the background whistling is nice and his robot voice, which he’s used for several of his videos but i think most notoriously for scrundler in his week in revue series (here), is also featured. it’s a real bop, i think.

19. monday night boomball

i genuinely think this is their weirdest song, ever. it’s incomprehensible and it’s so fucking theatre kid of them, and it’s dumb as shit but it’s really funny and enjoyable and strange and i love it.

18. gentle light

this is a really good song. it’s not weird or funny, it’s genuinely just a really soft, calming, normal song. i can’t in good conscience rank it above the others for this reason, because it’s easier to make a regular song good than it is for a song about fucking a tree, but i want to be clear: i really love this song. it’s a song that you could fall asleep to, cry to, cuddle up in a blanket to, whatever the hell you want to do to it.

17. proud egg mouth

extra points for fitting the word “maw” in any kind of song, a feat i’m not sure anyone else has ever accomplished. also for brian actually singing with an egg in his mouth.

16. you can take that to the bank

brian does an incredible randy newman impression and i love him for it. also it’s just a good song! it’s not my favorite but it’s very pleasing to my ears and it’s well made.

15. rainbow trout eggs

i listened to a shit ton of colbie caillat in middle school and i can tell you with confidence that the lyrics “i feel so alive and i know that i’m happy na na na na na hey hey” would be in one of her songs. it’s a good song with completely ridiculous lyrics and it’s a better character/full story ballad than their previous ones, in my opinion. which is what you’re specifically here for!

14. car mitzvah

i think this is a song my dad would listen to if it came on the radio. i also think it deserves to be in an early 90s or maybe coming of age movie. brian’s vocals are fantastic in this, also.

13. dr. brims

“it’s a new year, Ha Hah!” this song is sooooo fucking funny and exemplary of a lot of their other songs that came afterwards. i’ve been saying that a lot i think. writing reviews is hard.

12. let’s make a music (theme song)

maybe it’s the emotional value of this song being the song i associate most with the podcast, since it’s the theme song, or maybe it’s just really good. (spoiler: it’s both but mostly the second one) the episode is also really funny in general and if you’re new to the podcast and don’t care about order, i highly recommend this one first! 

11. heartbreak in michael’s

a very very very good sad gay love song and i recommend it to the ends of the earth! because this is the internet, and i can!

10. arbor day!

you try making a horny song about deforestation.

9. why don’t you like our song title?

such a fucking bop and showcases their skill for just doing whatever the hell they want and STILL making a fantastic song or video or whatever. they just stop saying words in it and it does not take anything away from the song. could you do that? i mean...maybe! but for the sake of this review and my point i’m gonna be like fuck you no you couldn’t. moving on.

8. akimbo

the backing track in this is ABSOLUTELY what makes the song. plus that one video of brian strutting but technically that can’t affect my review of the song because Technically it’s not part of the song. anyways it’s really peppy and fun and enjoyable and Good.

7. heartbreak in michael’s (reprise)

it’s the perfect finale song. like, it genuinely sounds like the song that plays at the end of a romcom after everything’s finally worked out. i Did cry when i heard brian sing the theme song at the end but that’s just because i’m a sentimental son of a bitch. so besides that ending bit that i can(’t) guarantee will make you tear up at Least, it’s really fucking fun! it’s upbeat and happy and i think they made the right song to go out on. or to go on a hiatus on, if brian’s website is to be believed. i don’t believe it, but hypothetically, y’know? hypothetically...

6. debutaunt ball

if the met gala doesn’t make this their theme song i will personally burn next year’s event to the ground, i swear to god. also it’s a good song to show off both jonah and brian’s range. it’s not like a lot of their other songs but it’s SUCH a banger and i adore it.

5. madame zamporium’s wax emporium 

fuck yeah. learning that the “ooh come on baby” from several unraveleds came from a let’s make a music is the reason i finally started listening to the podcast in the first place. but BESIDES that, since that’s not a reason for my ranking (just a fun little fact about me!), this song slaps a ridiculous amount. they went insanely hard and it’s the first song they made that really sets the tone of the podcast, which is: great comedy, great high production music. 

4. alan rickman’s edible zoo

GOD! the anti-celebrity, anti-capitalist rock song i’ve been waiting all my fucking life for! also it’s anti-america but only in one lyric. but in Another sense....throughout the whole song. PLUS, and most importantly, it features jonah’s literally and i mean LITERALLY impeccable alan rickman impression. like, it’s fucking bulletproof. alan rickman was in the goddamn room. 

3. horsecar!

look. when this song started playing for the first time i went...fuck no. in general i don’t tolerate country or cowboy songs very well because they just don’t sound appealing to my ears most of the time. i put up with country road only because of a funny mario edit someone made of it and now the original song has more value to me. this is relevant only because the same thing happened with horsecar! in that the chorus KICKS ASS. i may make a post on just my favorite lmam songs and also this is already a crazy long post so i won’t go into it too much but i will say this. the shock value of going from the first verse in this song to the chorus is...........Incredibly high and it Works So Fucking Well! it literally makes the song. and not even just for the short term value of Oh My God That’s A Twist, it lasts through the whole song. i’m listening to the song as i type this and i’m currently at the country/cowboy part and i don’t hate it because i know the chorus is incredible. in fact, i’d argue that the chorus on its own may be the best thing lmam ever made, even better than my two actual favorite songs of theirs. i’m definitely going to have to make a full post on this. (SIDE NOTE: BRIAN’S VOCALS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND HORSECAR! IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF THIS. his goddamn RANGE!! SIR!!! his falsetto is literally ridiculous my pants are OFF)

2. dragon me to this wedding

this is what i meant when i said there’s an exception to the “i’m not generally a fan of full story ballads”, because this is one of my all time favorite lmam songs. as in, it’s in the top three. which i guess you can tell from it being number two in the top three. in fact, it’s probably one of my favorite songs in general. the first time i listened to the episode i went back and listened to the song again three times in a row, and all three times i cried real tears. it’s GAY it’s REALLY PRETTY and i LOVE IT. 

1. save 2 4 tony

so we’ve finally made it to my all-time favorite lmam song. maybe it’s that i recently graduated myself and so this song hits a little harder, but it also just GOES hard. i genuinely think they peaked when they recorded this. it’s one of those bdg songs where you’re listening to it, you’re just chilling, and it’s like “yeah wow this is nice!” and all of a sudden he hits a falsetto and you go “oh FUCK that guy can SING!” literally his vocals in this are incredible and it’s very fun (and on brand) that the Oh Fuck moment here is the line “tony hawk babeyyy!” plus jonah killed it on the backing and composition and everything. it’s the best let’s make a music song and i won’t take constructive criticism.

[reticentshugyosha]

Remembering My Early Training

I feel really quite fortunate to have stumbled into classical martial arts when I was a kid. As opposed to the more generic and significantly less exciting forms of kick-punch arts out there, my experience of Ryukyu Kempo was infinitely more colorful and arguably deep, if not at times in unintended and unexpected ways.

The first several weeks of training in Ryukyu Kempo consisted of wearing normal clothes to a class of black (yes black) dogi clad students practicing an array of empty handed kata, alongside kobujutsu, and distinct grappling maneuvers called tuite. I, however (like most new students at the time) was slated to make my way to the edge of the training area to watch class, and more importantly, to make friends with “Mr. Suburito.”

A suburito is an extra large, weighted wooden training sword. Despite its already bulky nature, the more senior students of the school would bore out holes along the blade of the veritable branch and fill them with lead for extra difficulty. My adult-sized, but not otherwise modified “Mr. Suburito” was quite enough for me to handle in awkwardly learning how to carry and draw him, so as to perform a great many downward, centerline cuts subsequently. I mean wooden swords are cool and all, but it was admittedly a little curious way to begin training in what I expected to be generically open handed karate art. Fast forward 20+ years later and I’m still discovering the nuance of that particular exercise in reference to my open handed skill set (including both striking and grappling) and my practice of kobujutsu at large.

After a few weeks of learning to relate to Mr. Suburito, I was introduced to Naihanchi Shodan as my first kata (solo exercise), rather than a taikyoku or kihon (typically low block and middle punch) manner of pattern.

The instruction given for the seemingly arcane Naihanchi kata was that the interestingly venerated Master Choki Motobu famously noted it was the only thing needed to gain a complete knowledge of karate. Beyond that, according to the Guiding Principles of our school “in the past a single master studied a single Kata for more than ten years…” and that if we just wholeheartedly threw ourselves into the practice of the kata (which follows a single horizontal, line enbusen [floor pattern] that sees the student moving left and right in a side-oriented kiba dachi [horse stance], while performing 27 duplicated movements at the left, right and center of the body, including two seeming ritualized double handed “salutes”) we would be well on our way to becoming truly skilled and wise practitioners of the art.

All of these things about the Naihanchi Kata were of course true, and after quite literally hundreds of thousands of repetitions of that particular 27-movement form over the course of more than two decades, I still cannot pretend to fully grok the contents and blueprints contained within that one archetypal form. Nonetheless, the unspoken fact was too that Mr. Suburito and the arcane Naihanchi Kata (despite the realities of the respective, intentionally subtle and skillful physical conditioning technologies contained within them) were really about slowly introducing a potential new member of the dojo into the actual training methods of the style and school without revealing anything too obviously dangerous, should the new recruit to prove to not be of the “good moral character” demanded by the Dojo Kun. Should that be the case, and should such a recruit find themselves to have worn out their welcome, the public was nominally protected, and the secrets of the school were further safeguarded by those deemed trustworthy enough to receive them. To return again to an examination of the Guiding Principles “the eagle with the sharpest talons hides them.”

As you can imagine, the onboarding process was a little more lengthy than that at a typical karate school. I recall distinctly having to memorize and be able to recite on command the five statements of the Dojo Kun (school code) and the ten paragraphs comprising the Guiding Principles (about a typed page and a half combined) before being able to progress beyond Mr. Suburito’s lone company.

After Naihanchi Shodan was sufficiently committed to mental and physical memory, and an exercise or two beyond simple striking sets with Mr. Suburito, two more similarly single, horizontal line enbusen comprised Naihanchi Kata (Nidan and Sandan) would follow, before I (the student) would actually be introduced to anything clearly resembling combat in posture, gesture, or movement in the truly unique “Tomari” Seisan (which is in fact a rather intricate white crane form, as opposed to most other forms sharing its name). For me this took about a year (without receiving or testing for a single belt rank along the way; curiously even the black belts didn’t wear rank belts, only a unique form of pantaloons called nobakhama, with but a couple of students who had here-and-there tested for a colored belt donning one).

However, it’s notable that within three or so weeks I (who hadn’t been yet taught how to do a simple block or strike in the manner of the system) would suddenly find myself introduced to the chizikun bo, a type of paired koppo (6” sticks with leather finger loops drilled through their centers, used as weapons, which are placed over the middle fingers of both hands). As it turns out a 7th Dan Kyoshi (Master) of the art would be teaching a rare form for the weapon at an even rarer full weekend training camp alongside a river at a distant and rural campsite.

You see, Kyoshi was always on the verge or “retiring,” and taking his still undivulged body of genuinely unique knowledge with him. Kyoshi never could quite get a successful dojo up and running himself (in fact the dojo was quite transient and moved or closed at least once a year) but nonetheless he (due to a mixture of actual skill and cowboy charisma) kept a pretty dedicated band of students within his orbit.

Whenever Kyoshi was strapped for cash a special training called a “Spirit Class” (a four+ hour day of Mr. Suburito and Naihanchi-esque kiba dachi chudan tsuki [horse stance middle punches]) could be scheduled for a nominal fee, inclusive of a custom screen printed t-shirt. If the bank was really coming to task though, a new, and somehow legitimately rare kobujutsu kata could be transmitted, replete with a custom printed t-shirt (for one low price) over the course of a weekend, and all hands were to be on deck. At no extra cost came the knowledge that if you open the advanced chizi kata the wrong way it “looks like you guys are trying to tear your peckers off” (LMAO, seriously) and that if you want to shower at a rural campsite you should stop and get quarters first, and that when you stop and get quarters first you should make sure that the item you’re buying to break cash into change with costs an appropriate amount so as to retrieve quarters in change. Twelve and thirteen year olds have to learn this stuff sometime! 😉

At this point I feel it worthwhile to note that Kyoshi did eventually retire and move out of state and out of touch, with some yet untaught and authentically rare and valuable skills in tow. I still practice that kata, or what I think I was taught at the time, and I’ve met very few people that know the “advanced chizi kata.”

Picking back up in week five of my training (and far beyond) Naihanchi Nidan and Sandan were gradually learned, and suddenly I had been indoctrinated and inducted properly into the tradition. By then I practiced my kata and exercises single mindedly while lusting over a copy of the Grandmaster’s newly self-published textbook. The textbook was sold only by a single school in his association for what was then (and now, but then especially) a very steep price of $65 (and a far cry from the $15 cost of his senior student’s very useful introductory manual sold in the same venue).

Speaking of those students and that venue, it was around this time that I recall that I began to realize that our faction of the art was no longer in the good graces of the Grandmaster’s association, and that there existed some really bad juju between the two camps. But regardless, we were all agreed that we were far superior to, and would not associate ourselves with, the third group of people accused of having stolen some of the secrets of the Grandmaster’s art at a few generous public seminars.

But I digress. For us, our “classical” system (as opposed to “traditional,” or the even more anathema “modern” styles) of karate was supreme (and admittedly the older I get the more my bias does swing that way among Japanese and Okinawan striking arts). Labeled sell-outs like Gichen Funakoshi of Shotokan fame were but “shamisen players with silver tongues who only ever learned the outside of karate” (or so said that curious younger Master Motobu again…the older Master Motobu was quite more refined in manners and skill). In short, if you wanted to real deal, you had to come to us.

My early life experience in Ryukyu Kempo introduced me to some of the most wonderful and valued friends and mentors in my life who I have been blessed to have cherished relationships with for decades now. Too, it broke (early on, in life and in training) many of my romantic conceptions of humanity, while also providing me an all but stereotypicalized idyllic training milieu. I really couldn’t have had it better anywhere else.

~Sunyananda

[grimdarkandhandsome]

USA State Mottos, Ranked

Epistemic status: Silly post.

Yesterday i realized the 50 states of the US had eclectic and delightful mottos. I’ve ranked them for you from coolest to uncoolest.

1: Ad astra per aspera - Kansas

To the stars through difficulties. This is beautiful and it looks great written out. I am confident Kansas will be the state closest to the stars (after resolving difficulties).

2: Salus populi suprema lex esto - Missouri

Let the welfare of the people be the supreme law. It sounds great, it’s grand, it’s bold, and it’s a wonderful priority.

3: Regnat populus - Arkansas

The people rule. I imagine a time traveler approaching Emperor Nero and saying, ‘I have two words for you....’

4: Labor omnia vincit - Oklahoma

Labor conquers all things. It’s a great attitude towards self-improvement, and i think more phrases should end in omnia vincit.

5: Sic semper tyrannis - Virginia

Thus always to tyrants. The flag clarifies the situation by showing a emperor being stabbed. This is delightfully overaggressive when placed next to Washington’s motto.

6: Excelsior - New York

Ever upward. A nice-sounding word. Definitely sounds like a sword.

7: Esse quam videri - North Carolina

To be, rather than to seem. A pretty cool choice of priority. Not like those videri states with their big gold cufflinks.

8: Dum spiro spero - South Carolina

While I breathe, I hope. A harmonious phrase that celebrates the indefatigable human potential for improvement.

9: Equality before the law - Nebraska

Choosing English instead of a stylish foreign language is a missed opportunity to show off. But this phrase gets better the more you repeat it. I like to imagine that when Nebraskans are cornered by journalists they just bark ‘Equality before the law!’ and close ranks.

10: Ua mau ke ea o ka ʻāina i ka pono - Hawaii

The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness. It’s in a local language, it’s very beautiful written out, it outlines a plan to benefit the entire ecosystem, and it’s just generally quite radiant.

11: Alis volat propriis - Oregon

She flies with her own wings. Very cool sentiment. Only marked down because the words don’t look quite as cool as omnia does.

12: Dirigo - Maine

I lead. It’s terse, it’s taut, it’s claiming victory out of nowhere, it’s Maine.

13: Live Free or Die - New Hampshire

Penalty for using boring English, but bonus for being the only state to realize you can append ‘or Die’ to any motto.

14: Audemus jura nostra defendere - Alabama

We dare defend our rights! Bonus for being the only state to realize you can prepend Audemus to any motto.

15: Serit ut alteri saeclo prosit - North Dakota

One sows for the benefit of another age. Yes, i know, it kindof sounds like ‘Search for the altered sequin among the prosaic’, but the meaning is quite cool. Radical long-game altruism.

16: Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice - Michigan

If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you. What??

17: Eureka - California

I have found it. A counterpoint to Maine’s Dirigo, and a geographical counterpoint as well.

18: Equal Rights - Wyoming

A wonderful priority, and charmingly bald phrasing.

19: Alki - Washington

By and by. This is Chinook, apparently. Washington is apparently the opposite of Alabama, who dares to defend.

20: Crescit eundo - New Mexico

It grows as it goes. I don’t like it as much as Ad astra per aspera, but i decided to rank all improvement mottos evenhandedly to avoid bias from the order i read them in.

21: Esto perpetua - Idaho

Let it be perpetual. It is quite verbally beautiful and it captures what we were all thinking - Let Idaho be the same forever!

22: Friendship - Texas

Could be phrased more stylishly, but it really is a rather nice motto.

23: Under God the people rule - South Dakota

I imagine a South Dakotan time traveler in 1300 CE pulling her hair and saying, ‘Oh my gosh, it’s not that hard, how many times to i have to explain the hierarchy?’

24: Montani semper liberi - West Virginia

Mountaineers are always free. Cheeky!

25: Deo gratiam habeamus - Kentucky

Let us be grateful to God. Very resonant words. Less focused on improvement and more remarking on the fact we made it this far.

26: State sovereignty, national union - Illinois

I know it’s confusing, but we put it in the motto and eventually you’ll get used to the concept. What a nerdy motto!

27: Nil sine numine - Colorado

Nothing without Providence. What beautiful and assonant words. A theme of several states is ‘The big thing is totally paramount, but the small thing is also cool just in a secondary sort of way.’

28: Forward - Wisconsin

In its troughs and at new peaks, Wisconsin always wants to do better :)

29: Industry - Utah

I didn’t know that. But it is a cool attitude. They say that most domains of human endeavor require hard work first of all.

30: Wisdom, Justice, Moderation - Georgia

I just think it’s a little boring. But i like prioritizing wisdom.

31: Virtue, liberty, and independence - Pennsylvania

The last two are, like, the same thing.

32: Qui transtulit sustinet - Connecticut

He who transplanted sustains. Apparently this is a phrase from the Vulgate Bible. I’m guessing the Europeans are the ones who transplanted. I like the sonics but i’m not convinced on the sentiment.

33: Fatti maschii, parole femine - Maryland

Strong deeds, gentle words. Note: I found that translation on Wikipedia and i don’t speak Latin so i don’t know if it’s the best one. I think this motto sounds like a humorously awkward compromise and probably seemed offensive from a 1800s-gender perspective as well as from a modern gender perspective.

34: With God, all things are possible - Ohio

Ohions are optimists whereas Coloradons are pessimists.

35: Liberty and prosperity - New Jersey

Tedious ‘list of nice things’ format, but i kindof like looking at New Jersey as a Utopian El Dorado.

36: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem - Massachusetts

By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty. Sir, can you lower your sword and read me those criteria again?

37: Hope - Rhode Island

Inferior version of Dum spiro spero, but pleasantly minimal.

38: All For Our Country - Nevada

Typical Nevadan slogan, a people known for their radical push for big government and federal power.

39: Agriculture & Commerce - Tennessee

Not really cool enough for a crowd to shout in unison with their hands over their hearts. But at least it celebrates feeding the people i guess.

40: Ditat Deus - Arizona

God enriches. A weird mix of 100% religious and very lukewarm. God is a plus. Never turn down God when you don’t have to pay extra for Him. But the words do sound nice.

41: Stella quarta decima fulgeat - Vermont

May the fourteenth star shine bright. I hope the fourteenth state is a good one. This one has a impressively high style-to-substance ratio.

42: L’etoile du Nord - Minnesota

The star of the North. I’m not that impressed. If Oregon, Texas, and New York had joined in and chosen L’etoile du Ouest, Sud, & Est respectively, then this would have been cool. Pleasantly unique choice of language tho.

43: Virtute et armis - Mississippi

By valor and arms. Suddenly, we are amoral & fighting! Mississippi is apparently the most weapon-themed state.

44: North to the Future - Alaska

It was wise to clarify why North is good. Minnesota would have chosen A star featuring Anchorage.

45: Our liberties we prize & our rights we will maintain - Iowa

I don’t know, it’s just not exciting phrasing. Our lives are of utmost importance, & our safety will be protected. We have wonderful dogs, & we love our cats. Iowa is being maintained. Needs work.

46: Union, justice, confidence - Louisiana

Are these the top 3? Do political attack ads here accuse candidates of being secessionist, lax, and meek?

47: Liberty & Independence - Delaware

Freedom & Self-Direction. Free Will & Autonomy. Adulthood & Unpredictability. Wild & Unleashed.

48: Oro y plata - Montana

Gold & silver. Why should you live in Montana? Cash cash money. Autos deportivos y bling.

49: The Crossroads of America - Indiana

Next.

50: In God We Trust - Florida

Perhaps in Florida, bad things do not happen to good people.

Honorable mentions:

- Justitia Omnibus - Washington DC

Excellent!

- Samoa, Muamua Le Atua - American Samoa

Translation: Samoa, let God be first. (Samoa, imma let you finish...)

- Joannes Est Nomen Ejus - Puerto Rico

Translation: John is his name. Enough said.

(Honestly i changed my mind about the order partway thru typing this but didnt bother to reorder them.)

I think the messy inconsistency of these mottos is fairly beautiful. Despite having no style guide and apparently quite scattered priorities, these 50 governments share open borders and pretty excellent harmony by international standards.

Source: Wikipedia

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

matchup time (:

hell ye >:3c so i’m a female scorpio, sexually-speaking i consider myself demisexual with a heavy preference for men (despite the anxiety i get from being around them). my hobbies include reading, a lot of creative mediums (writing, drawing, sculpting, cosplaying, moreso in the realm of making characters and worlds and whatnot, i also have an original canon that i’ve been working on for 9-10 years now), biking, psychology, video games (mainly visual novels and rpgs), world mythology, music, and playing trombone! personality-wise i’m a bit complicated due to trauma (i’m working on it tho) but i’m very much an ambivert! so sometimes i may be outgoing and talkative, other times i only want to have deep conversations with lots of personal substance and then go to sleep right after. i’ve been told that i’m somebody who’s pretty aware of themselves or at the very least understanding of my own inner machinations, the awareness of which i’ve spent a lot of time cultivating to help manage my adhd and anxiety/depression. other words people have used to describe me are artistic, eccentric, vivacious, mischievous/playful, empathetic, wild, stubborn, sensitive, aggressive/dominant, impatient, fiery, i think you get the gist. i also have a little shih tzu puppy named xander (as in alexander the great bc we’re greek) who i love very very much.

for the character, choose characters from fe: awakening/fates/3H but if you think ike might be a good fit too, feel free to add him in there. wink wink. and maybe one of the boys from p5 ghfjdlsla

_________________________________________________________

Fates: Hmm Fates was honestly the game I was having the hardest time choosing someone from… but I honestly think Kaze is the best match for you!

As far as men go, Kaze is far more comforting to be around than anyone else. I can’t say for certain if that will be the case for you… but know he would do whatever you needed to feel comfortable around him! He’s all about seeing you happy, healthy, and safe (he’ll often put your feelings above his (make sure to check in on him from time to time; he’ll really appreciate it). He’s also probably one of the most supportive partner of your creative arts that you can find; he’s the type to take your drawings and show them off to others or sit down with you and let you explain, as in depth or not as you please, about your world; it fascinates him endlessly how full of creativity you are! He’s amazed every time he learns something new about you and is always excited to take the time to learn more.

As for Trauma, Kaze understands; he has a lot of his own baggage he needs to face it and as he sees it, these things are better done together. So don’t worry about sharing your burdens with him, Kaze will gladly help you shoulder your emotional burdens, so long as you’ll let him do the same. While he’s an introvert himself, Kaze is perfectly willing to deal with you as you come. He’s fond of how playful you are (plenty of people have told him to loosen up and well… you make it easy).

Kaze met you while trying to escape the girls that tend to fawn over him when he goes into towns. How it happened, neither of you were sure but you quite literally bumped into one another and tripped! Lucky for you, Kaze caught you! Of course, Kaze immediately felt bad and wanted to make it up to you and it just went on from there!

Awakening: Inigo was actually the first person I thought of when I read your description, the trouble was deciding to use him for fates/awakening hehe

Anyways, it’s easy to picture how to two of you met; Inigo can’t help himself when he sees a cute girl but seeing how you freeze up and stutter in reply Inigo is like, whoa, hey, are you good? And in return finds himself shying up and getting awkward too. Just like you get anxious around men, he gets shy around girls; once the two of you learn how to function around one another he’s happy to give you advice on how he deals with his anxiety.

Inigo is endlessly supportive in your creative endeavors! He may be a talented dancer but in his eyes that hardly holds a candle to the worlds you can create with your wondrous words, or the art you can make seemingly out of nothing. It’s amazing to him and he’s more than happy to indulge you in it; make sure to compliment him as well, not only so you can see that adorable blush of his but also so he knows you support him as much as he does you!

Honestly, Inigo loves how playful and mischievous you can be; it reminds him to to be so embarrassed and shy when he’s with you, or even without you. Your smile, how you get so fired up yet are still so kind and empathetic… Everything about you and your personality help calms him down and face whatever it is he’s facing. He can only hope the smile he’s always ready to give (special for you, nowadays) can help you in the same way.

3 Houses: If I’m honest, I’m still not completely sure on this (if only because it feels like my own bias is shining through) but I feel like Lorenz would be a good match for you! Just hear me out please!

Obviously this would be post time skip (as most of my dealings with 3h will be). But out of most of the cast in 3 houses I feel like after time skip Lorenz becomes one of the more understanding, respectful and patient men! If you’re scared or anxious around him he’s first going to try to figure out what he can do to lessen that and if that means he has to leave your company, so be it but he’ll leave with a “if you even need to talk about it, I’ll be willing to listen”.

He’s a huge supporter of the creative arts (though, unfortunately he’s not very creative himself, more blessed in leading, tactics and such things). Still, as every noble should have, he has a great appreciation of the arts! He finds it incredibly charming how you can just make a world and continue to work with it and change it as you grown and change yourself and is your biggest supporter when it comes to art!  He’s more than ready to commission you to do work for him and display it where everyone can see, proudly explaining what it is, just who did and who you are to him.

He’s always to sit down with a piping cup of tea and spend the afternoon chatting away with you about whatever comes to mind. The inner workings of your mind, of the person he admires and adores so much who can be so controversial at times (fiery but shy, anxious but wild). Everything about you only adds up to make him love you more than he did the moment before!

Ike: I really honestly think you and Ike would end up being really good together! The two of you are actually quite similar in some aspects while your differences really balance one another out.

You’re a lot more on the creative side than Ike, it’s true. He may not be the best to talk to when it comes to your more creative endeavors since he’ll mostly remain quiet due to lack of knowledge but know what makes you happy makes him happy. He’ll gladly be your quiet company while you create worlds and masterpieces,  so long as you humor him with his likes. Which, isn’t hard really; Ike just wants someone he can be himself with and let his worries out to.

He really admires how playful and free you seem. Ike’s always willing to grow closer with his allies but sometimes isn’t always sure how he. It’s not that he’s shy he just becomes awkward quickly in a situation he doesn’t know where to begin in. But with you, it’s always seemed easy. Once you’ve overcome your anxiety it’s always fun to talk with you because its always different.

You grew to be a trusted confident, right under his nose. It was different that with Soren, Mist, or even Titiana. When he’s with you, not only do his worries flow freely but he wants to hear yours in return and even try to soothe them. Its confusing, no doubt, because Ike has never really felt this way before. He has the weight of the world on him and yet he still wants to help shoulder your burdens as well. He’s thankful for you help both inside and outside of battle but his need to protect you is distracting. So of course, he’ll go to you with his worries, as always; in the end, it’s up to you to tell him that he’s in love with you. It’ll take him a moment but then it will all click in place for him.

“Oh,” He paused, blinking slowly as if taking the long moment to really process it all. “I… guess I am.” He smiled, softly at you now. “I love you.” He laughed as the words left his lips, gaze settling on your face. “So I guess now… the question is, do you feel the same way?

[miramizar]

11 questions tag

I was tagged by @achenlove, @milky-waee, @conqueredthemagic and @notasiren21​! Haha this took such a long time to do and I know I’m terribly late but thank you for tagging me! I had lots of fun, even if answering all these combined took both time and energy haha~ 💕

Rules:

Post the rules Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. Write 11 questions of your own Tag 11 people

My Questions:

1) Sunny days or rainy days?

2) It’s saturday morning, you’ve slept in and you are free the entire day. What do you do?

3) If a book/tv-series you love doesn’t end happily, will you get angry and never read/watch it again?

4) You get to fill a bag with whatever candy you like from your local supermarket! What do you fill it with?

5) Have you ever played an instrument? (Singing also counts~)

6) What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see the word “happiness”?

7) Recommend me a book!

8) If you were to start a new hobby, what would you do?

9) Do you have any favourite words? (doesn’t matter which language you choose!)

10) Tell me your favourite movie from Disney, Pixar and Studio Ghibli~

11) What encouraging words do you need to hear right now?

I’d like to tag @xiuminscheeks​, @ladyliliah​, @youngk-hun​, @qtpie1098​, @suhosmilitarywife​, @cottonhyun​​, @iyeolie​​​​, @bloomingyouths​​ and whoever wants to do this! 💞

My answers are under the cut if you want to read them! (^_^)💗

1. What´s a hidden talent of yours?  

Um, can shake my eyes and move my nostrils?

2. What makes you really really angry? 

Whenever things don’t go the way I want to (and I get angry at myself) and when people are being rude

3. If you got one wish, what would you wish for? 

For everybody to be happy~

4. Tell us the reason your bias is your bias! 

I just love everything about Junmyeon - his dorkiness, his big heart, how adorable he is, how thoughtful and stubborn he is, his beautiful smile... Everything really 💖 Jinki is so natural and warm and soft... Leo is a sweetheart, so kind and humble and open with his thoughts, and his smile is so beautiful my heart hurts 💘 for Mark, it’s how cute and hard-working he is, and how easy he finds things interesting and funny~ and Leeteuk is just a big, pretty ball of weird who manages to make me laugh at any time~ 💕

5. If you only could listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose? 

Oh my goodness I can’t answer that (>_<;)

6. If you were able to go on a date with your bias, what would you do and why?

Something calm, like visiting a café or a bookshop would be lovely~ (>///<)💘

7. What makes you happy? 

Seeing the people I love being happy and dorky 💖

8. Name 5 things you wouldn´t be able to live without! 

My family, music, books, candy and nature 💚

9. You´ve just won 1 million dollars, what do you do with them? 

Probably pay off my family’s loans, use a little of it to buy myself books and cute things and such, and then give the rest to charity~

10. Tell us 3 things your followers doesn´t know about you! 

Ahh, well I just started painting with watercolours (I’m truly a beginner but it’s fun so far~), I know enough japanese to understand what’s going on in un-subbed shows, and I really like planning things out but actually doing them is hard (>w<)❣️

11. What is your dream, your goal in life?

I don’t really know... I want to make people happy, of course... I haven’t thought beyond that really, maybe I should do that...

~Next set of questions!~

1 RANDOM QUESTION BUT: what would you name your dog if you had one??? (I need suggestions)

Ahah I do have one and his name is Picasso!

2 Favourite pic/gif/MEME of your bias? 

adhgfaoad I love all pictures of my biases but I love these a lot!!

3 what would you say to your bias if you had the chance to talk to them (like, you meet them while they’re drinking a coffee and you just pass by and you exchange a few words)

I would say thank you for working so hard and for always thinking of us fans, and that I treasure them a lot 💕

4 Chen’s “Ah waeeeee” or Xiumin’s “marshmallow~ marshmallow~”?

They’re both cute!! In different ways! But I guess “marshmallow~”? (>^<)💞

5 “Yo, nice skirt” or “up and down like a rollercoaster”?

up and down like a rollercoaster 🎶

6.Do you like pineapple on your pizza? Please be honest.

Yup! 🍍❤️ 🍕~

7 What’s your favourite girl group?

I don’t really like that many girl groups but I’m currently looking into Mamamoo and Brown Eyed Girls~

8 would you let Pcy punch you in the face killing you instantly? (this is important)

Um, If he has to? But preferably not :>

9 You’re in Baek’s room and he’s asleep next to Mongryong. He looks like an angel.Would you rather fall asleep next to him hugging him or steal Mongryong and start running as fast as you can? :=))))

Sleep next to him, definitely! 

10 What’s your favourite MV??

I really like Overdose, For life and Universe~

11 It’s 3 am and you hear strange noises from the apartment in front of yours: it’s Suho dancing to Red Velvet’s Red Flavor. Would you join him or throw a shoe at him?

Join him!! ❤️

~Next set of questions!~

1. Original bias in your ult group?

Junmyeon~

2. How did you get into kpop?

My youngest sister is into dancing and she found some cool videos on youtube one day, showed me and the rest is history 💫

3. What’s the best way kpop has changed your life?

It gave me friends, let me grow closer to my sisters and inspired me in an otherwise very grey reality 💕

4. If you could start your own group, what concept would you have and what position would you hold?

I’d probably be the exasperated leader (I took a quiz recently so I got proof) for a group that makes music that is both soft and happy, and a bit dark and upbeat~ ❣️ Maybe a little like VIXX’s style?

5. Fave look of your bias? (Era wise)

This.

6. Fave pet of the members?

All of them! 💓

7. Fave mv of your ultimate group?

I already answered this, but they’re all really nice so it’s hard to just pick one... Maybe Universe, since it’s so aesthetically pleasing and also pretty deep? :> 

8. Favorite fanfic??

That’s something for another post haha but oh well, I really love “Got hands like the ocean” by apaixono, it has me squealing and laughing and crying and everything in between~ 💕

9. Have you seen your bias group live?

Nope - even though they were really close to me when they were in Germany, I didn’t have enough money to go :<

10. Favorite EXO blogs and why?

uh... I think they’re all great? I mean, both the ones creating stuff and those who reblog things... we’re all important to the fandom ❣️

1. Describe yourself with 3 words

Kind, creative, insecure

2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My self-confidence... if I had more of it I think I would be happier... 

3. What do you do to make yourself happy when you´re sad? 

Look at fun things that my favourite kpop-groups do, Gaki no Tsukai, Yoon Siyoon, reading and being creative (when it works out, if it doesn’t I just get more sad 💘), being with my family and pets~

4. If you could meet your 5-year old self, what would you say to her/him? 

You’re great just the way you are, don’t ever forget that 💝

5. What is you biggest fear? 

Ending up alone... and accidentally hurting people :<

6. When did you start listen to kpop?

In the spring of 2016 I think?

7. If you could meet your bias for a minute, what would you say to him/ her?

Thank you for everything you do and for thinking about your fans, I'm so happy to know you 💓

8. Name 3 people you admire

Apart from all the amazing kpop people ahah (>w<) Well, Itzhak Perlman, Aki (manga artist) and the crown princess of Sweden~

9. What´s the sound you like the most? 

The wind blowing through things; like trees and grass and wind chimes~

10. If you got one wish, what would you wish for? 

Everybody’s happiness~

11. What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

Read somewhere in a corner I guess... maybe check out some stores, some are so crowded that I just feel like I’m being in the way if I go inside so I don’t, but if I were invisible I could actually do it... I don’t really know haha 💕

~Next set of questions!~

1. Who is your favourite EXO-CBX member and why?

They’re all amazing, but I choose Xiumin - because he’s so soft and full of surprises! 💜

2. Who in your bias group would you like to be your best friend?

Oh... well I’m very similar to D.O so maybe D.O? (>v<)💖

3. Who is your NCT bias (if you have one)?

Mark~

4. What is your favourite food?

Steak with potatoes, gravy and lingonberry jam~ ❤️

5. Favourite thing about your bias -personality wise?

All of my biases try really hard, they’re very kind and spontaneous and aren’t afraid of being dorky~ 💗

6. What’s your favourite body part of your bias?

Okay this is really embarrassing (/▽＼*)｡o○♡ I’m not really one to like specific body parts but I kind of love Jinki’s thighs because they look healthy? ajfdaihfba

7. Favourite colour?

Soft and bright ones, like white, light blue and light purple~

8. Who has the best humour in your bias group?

Suho is the funniest in EXO, period. (>w<)💕 but yeah, I find all my biases the most fun in all of my favourite groups~

9. What’s your favourite animal?

Cats ✨

10. Would you rather go on an ice cream date or a coffee-shop date with your bias?

I’m happy to do either, as long as I get to be with my bias (>///<)❣️

11. How do you feel about beans?

...not really a fan. Hide it in other food and I’ll eat it, otherwise I won’t eat it.

~Next set of questions!~

1) Your favorite quote that grounds you to being yourself?

Oh, that’s a good question... maybe “You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are.” It’s a quote from the Narnia books that I really like, and since I struggle a lot with self-loathing it is very important to me since it makes me remember that I am valuable~ 💫

2) Ultimate ship you’re fond of and love?

This is pretty much impossible to answer because I have wayyyyy to many ships and I can’t choose just one of them adjfbnaidfad

3) Favorite soulmate AU type? (I.e. name on wrist, heterocrhomia eyes of your other half’s, seeing color for the first time)

I like all of them but I haven’t heard of the heterochromia one, that sounds really beautiful!

4) Favorite show of yours that you love that’s not in your first language?

Merlin. I like a lot of shows but Merlin is the one I keep coming back to. ✨

5) Your white noise show? (Go to show you can rewatch countless times and tune in and out of)

SCRUBS. Definitely. It’s such a great show, perfectly balanced between humour and seriousness and almost every episode works well on it’s own so no matter when you decide to watch you’ll have a nice time~

6) Fictional character you wish was real to validate your unnecessary crush?

Oh, I don’t really fall in love with fictional characters? I just ship them with people from their own universe haha (^^;)

7) A weird phobia you have that you can’t explain?

I have phobias, but I don’t know if they’re un-explainable... like my fear of insects can be explained by me getting stung by a bee when I was little...

8) Sweets or Sours?

I like both, but I’’ll say sweets! 🍬

9) Are you an artist, writer, musician, or part of the adoring audience who supports them?

...I’m a bit of them all? I play the violin so I am a musician, and I like to write and I always support other artists 💗

10) Favorite band?

I love a lot of Kpop groups, and apart from that... musically or personality-wise? Because musically I’d say any group made by Alexander Bard, but personality-wise... Westlife? Maybe??

Congratulations for reading all of those messy answers! (>W<) You’re amazing~ Have a nice day! 💖

[daeva-agas]

Rustic Survivalist The Renegade Marksman, Suzuki Magoichi

Birthday: 22 June　Height: 180.6 cm (5′11")　Blood Type: AB 

Hobby: Metalworking, diving　Special Skill: Guerrilla warfare　Favourite Food: Dried fish

The leader of a clan of gunmen residing in Saika domain. For the longest time, he and his men were known to be errant mercenaries, bound to no loyalty except to their own. His capricious, carefree attitude only further cemented the reputation, though he never directly confirmed nor denied it. 

---------------------------------------

About: Honestly I started out just wanting to give Kennyo more lurker friends, because I did a little reading on the Saika clans after finding out they were considered part of Honganji’s Ikko fighters. But then Motonari and Ranmaru happened, so I changed things up a little.  

Magoichi is usually known in games and manga as Saika Magoichi, but the moniker is kinda like how people sometimes call Kennyo with Honganji Kennyo. It just means he’s Magoichi from Saika, not his actual name, so I went with Suzuki.  Also, I felt that calling him Saika Magoichi implies he’s the lord of the entire place. I don’t feel too good doing that, because Saika is inhabited with many clans, who... apparently sometimes try to kill each other. The Suzuki is just one of those many.

To be closer to history, I made the “mercenary” reputation be more of hearsay that may or may not be true. He’s like... the country bumpkin version of a samurai. He has a mansion/castle and everything, it’s just totally basic and boring and not as sparkly or fancy as Kasugayama and Azuchi. I don’t know what better word to use as descriptor for a hick hillbilly image other than “rustic” or “rural”. I thought of using “crude”, but it might make it sound like he has a bad personality or something.

He’s pretty random, but in my head I want it to not just be for the lolz, but sorta a byproduct of having to constantly think quickly and multitask whenever trouble comes. So he just ends up being pretty hyper-reactive way too easily distracted, like “OOH SQUIRREL” kind of jumpy reaction. And it genuinely causes issues, not just for giggles. That scar on his face, for example. 

His folks deal with guns, so I had him do metalworking for doing repairs or making bullets. I didn’t want to go so far as to have him make his own guns, because that’s a bit much. 

Age-wise he’s probably somewhere between Kennyo and Shingen, just because personal bias... I really wanted to give him a beard but at the same time I’m trying to make this look as canon as possible, and I don’t know if bearded men is a thing with Cybird, so... beard version here:

He can’t deal with sweet stuff, but doesn’t like tasteless food. He goes for salty things, and sour. He’s ok with bitter, though he doesn’t particularly prefer it. If coffee is around Because Magic Europeans Has Everything Like Doraemon, he’d probably be totally down with it.  

Route:  Didn’t really want to have a repeat of the gun chaos from Sasuke’s route, so this route is more like exploring the random "anonymous daimyo” and villagers that was only allied to one side or another in the fringes. I mean, if you think about it, the routes are constantly like “oh no people are dying!!!” and MC’s motivation for wanting peace is so that people would not be dying. But... I feel like we rarely actually get to see the commoners falling victim? 

So the route starts with the Saika being rumoured to be stockpiling guns, and Nobu is suspicious. Through investigating this the Oda finds out about Kenshin and Shingen and everything. They suspect rebellion, and goes in to check. The guns can’t be found and Magoichi vehemently denies accusations of rebellion, and he just says he wants to be left alone.

Magoichi had had the history of allying with Honganji and Oda in the past, so pretty much all the camps don’t really trust him. Plus his mercenary reputation just makes him look really bad. He really just wants his people to live in peace, though. The only reason he looks like he’s clan-hopping many times is because he’s looking for a powerful lord who can be relied on if bad things come their way. 

And then the problem starts when Kennyo and Motonari’s group comes knocking on the door, wanting to use their channels to get suited up with guns. Magoichi isn’t having it because chaos is precisely what he does not want. (Bonus points: The Saika gets their guns cheap from the Negoroji temple who makes their own guns for their warrior monks, this will come back to bite later).

I’m still holding back on how I want to imagine the conflict escalation and resolution, because I want to take into account the shogun that appeared in Akechi route. I haven’t got that far yet, so I want to wait and see. But it eventually got the Saika clans to start fighting each other and made a big mess, and MC was there to see it. 

And... uh... yeah, the usual peace being brokered and everything... Yay... 

Colour: I don’t know the English word for this, but in Japanese it’s called shibugami-iro (”the colour of tanned paper”). 

Rival: I feel weird intruding on the canon, so maybe Kojuro? Having his rival be a commander who is devoted to a master makes for an interesting contrast.

Pet: ...Frogs... I sorta imagine he’d be like... constantly picking up random frogs, and carries it around to play with when he’s bored. When the frog dies, he just goes and finds a new one. 

---------------------------------------

I will eventually make character select screen edits, but it’s taking a while because perfectionism jhfjh... I’m trying to recreate the actual screen to the best that I can...

This was supposed to be the entry for Ikesen OC Week, but kjfhsdkjfhksdfkjsdfh

[bat-lings]

Is Bruce a good father to Damian, specifically? I mean, he seems to have learnt from past mistakes... but in preboot, does he even care about Damian at all? Didn't seem like it most of the time (especially in Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul, where he didn't even seem to care that Damian's life is in danger). Do you think he cared about Damian preboot?

Well, you are both right in that reboot!Bruce puts his preboot counterpart to shame where Damian’s concerned. The thing is, the reboot gave a much bigger place to Bruce and Damian’s dynamic than preboot ever did. Those two actually don’t have that many scenes together in preboot, and said scenes were usually part of a bigger plot/narrative that left little room to focus on their relationship.

I’ll answer this in three stages in order to address everything our Anons mentioned:

Bruce & Damian’s dynamic as portrayed by Morrison

The Resurrection of Ra’s al Ghul

Conclusion: does preboot!Bruce care about Damian? And was he a good father to him? (spoilers: yes and no, respectively.)

The conclusion summarizes everything so jump there if the argumentation part is too long.

A) Morrison’s Damian & Bruce

Disclaimer: I really, really hate Morrison’s writing. I’ll try to be reasonable when criticizing it but be extra aware of that bias. It makes me put most of Bruce’s action on the writer rather than the character and while I have my reasons & probably won’t change my opinion, it’s still a pretty categorical take.

Honestly I think Morrison’s Bruce does feel responsible for Damian. I’m even sure he cares about him too:

[Batman (1940) #657]

Actually, the whole issue is pretty good where Bruce & Damian are concerned. Must be my favorite thing Morrison has ever written. He installs interesting things character-wise, like Bruce making an extra effort to make Damian comfortable in the Manor & be patient with him, or Damian being an insufferable brat up until Bruce snaps at him, at which point he immediately switches off to “yes sir” in front of that new figure of authority.

Those are interesting bases to construct a dynamic upon. Problem is, they’re not gonna be exploited.

Here Bruce shows clear intent to provide guidance to Damian. But rather than give Bruce the occasion to follow up on that intent, and to develop a real relationship with Damian, Morrison gives us the incident Anon mentioned in the next frickin’ issue : an explosion set by Morrison’s godawful “““Talia””” that should’ve killed both her and Damian, and Bruce staring dramatically into the distance.

Does Bruce investigate their disappearance while Damian is being hardcore abused by his mother? Nah, he’s too busy skiing with one Jezebel Jet– a relationship Morrison needs to install since Jezebel has a notable role in Batman RIP.

My point is: as of #658 Morrison considers this arc finished & that there’s nothing to add. By that logic it’s valid to forget Damian until he’s relevant again plot-wise. It’s not (i think?) a way to tell us Bruce doesn’t care about Damian.

Let’s fast-forward to the disputable editorial & writer choice to launch Batman Inc/Leviathan  just after Bruce’s return from the “dead” without A) leaving room for a  confrontation/closure scene between him and Damian beforehand; or B) letting them actually interact more than the strictest minimum in said arc. From a strictly in-universe POV though, it’s not ooc for Bruce to decide unilaterally that Damian doesn’t need him or to focus on the crisis to come without talking to his son first.

I guess I should be talking about Batman Incorporated Vol. 2 too, ‘cause while it’s technically N52 it’s very much in the continuity of the storyline Morrison started in preboot. It also has a few Bruce & Damian moments where despite terrible miscommunication Bruce seems to worry for Damian… But then the plot requires Bruce sending Damian back to the mother who, in this dumbass version, abused him all his life.

[Batman Incorporated (2012) #4]

If I got that right this is a “Hero must make Big Sacrifice for the Greater Good” moment. The fact that Bruce loves Damian isn’t put into question: it makes the sacrifice more significant.

And that’s kinda my problem. First we’re told that Bruce wants to provide for Damian, but then whatever affection he feels for the boy is sidelined or even sacrificed to other narrative considerations.

So basically Bruce’s love for Damian has no significance in itself. It’s a given that doesn’t particularly need to be illustrated or expanded on; it’s stocked until we need it to breed impact in some scenes. Like the one above or, you’ve guessed it, Damian’s death. So yeah Bruce loves Damian. He loves him so much he’s sad when he dies. Ahem.

All in all it’s not a father-son story: else there would be more banter, slice of life sequences, time for the dynamic to develop, etc. It’s a hero-who-loses-stuff-in-war story. One story isn’t better than the other, they just appeal to different types of audiences.

“Does my father love me” is a personal thus small stake. Batman Inc/Leviathan or “Can I keep this future from happening” are world-wide to city-wide thus big stakes. I think a marked interest in the Big Ideas is what characterizes Morrison’s writing. Thus the portrayal of character relationships has a very specific place in his stories.

Anyway: I don’t think Morrison ever wanted to imply Bruce doesn’t care about Damian. It’s just that he’s a plot-driven writer and that both characters’ interactions & smaller stakes, although somewhat present in his narratives, will always come second in the big schemes of things.

If you consider that Bruce behaving like he does under Morrison’s pen proves he doesn’t give a damn about Damian though, I sure as hell won’t fault you for it.

B) Bruce & Damian in The Resurrection of Ra’s al Ghul

(God re-reading an in-character Talia these days is an oasis in the desert. Gotta love that arc all the more for that.)  

Not gonna lie fam. Our two Anons are right when they say Bruce is pretty cold in that one.

But A) Bruce is also dealing with a crisis, which means he’s emotionally removing himself from the situation; B) he’s not treating Damian differently than he is Dick or Tim… which we’ll see is the problem tho.

It doesn’t excuse Bruce’s behavior (I think he’s out of line myself), but I just don’t think it implies he doesn’t care about Damian.

You’ll notice that his apparent aloofness applies to Tim too (and Dick although he’s not mentioned), and that it equally unsettles Talia.

[Nightwing (1996) #138]

I want to stress the apparent in aloofness. On several occasions during RoRAG Talia reproaches Bruce that he’s not confronting his feelings what else is new. I believe he’s worried about the boys, all of them, but he also trusts them to handle themselves. He also thinks that if he so much as voices his worry, he won’t be able to focus and do what he has to. So he represses them and goes fully in Batman-mode.

Fast-forward. When Bruce is barking at Damian to pick up a sword and fight, it’s his way of protecting him– he needs Damian to defend himself.

[Detective Comics (1937) #839]

Because it’s not fair to show this without context: 5 seconds before Bruce legit bites Damian’s head off, chill out dude, he goes all protective batdad upon seeing Ra’s trying to steal Damian’s body.

So yeah. I have reasons to believe Bruce is scared out of his mind here. Hence the very aggressive way he tries to shake Damian into action.

So far Bruce gets a pass. It’s afterwards that he deserved to be punched in the face imo, and that’s probably the scene our Anons had in mind:

In fact, Bruce is expecting the same from Damian than he’s expecting from his two other sons. To be precise, he’s not treating either of them as sons— they’re on the field, they’re Robin & Nightwing right now. Aka soldiers/partners/teammates rather than family. And Bruce is putting Damian on that exact level when he shouldn’t be.

It’s harsh, and that’s emphasized next to Talia (who is actually written like a Talia). She’s all aggressively worried mother and Bruce’s all cold commander, the contrast is off-putting.

Talia reacts like a mother first by fleeing to save herself and her son. But Bruce can’t let Ra’s to his own devices, and he expect his sons to fight beside him.

It’s unfair to Damian ‘cause he’s not Robin yet, he’s not part of Bruce’s war the way Dick and Tim chose to be, he didn’t choose to be dragged into Ra’s schemes: he’s snapping to attention at Bruce’s order out of a childish need for validation, not out of a conscious & thought-out choice to make this his life. Also he’s ten. Yet those considerations fly over Bruce’s head: right now and unlike Talia, he’s not thinking like a father.

Do I think Dini balances the Greater Good vs Familial Attachment dilemma better than Morrison does? Hell yeah. He took the time to show Bruce ripping Ra’s apart at the beginning of the issue to prove us Bruce cares. And for all that Bruce’s wrong here, Dini has him fighting beside Damian, not sending him off on his own. Talia’s fleeing with her son gives the reader a reality check & puts the validity of Bruce’s choice into question as it should be. The stakes are also so much more concrete that “distant dark future to avoid”.

Next is probably my fave line ever written about Bruce & Damian ‘cause it gives so much sense (or depth) to Bruce’s hands-off approach.

And like. Everything that Bruce says here is true. That’s exactly what Damian’s character arc should be about. But dude maybe try to have a relationship with your son outside of the Batman legacy? The thing is Bruce built his relationships with all his kids through vigilantism and I think he just. Doesn’t know how to do it differently. The idea doesn’t even cross his mind for god’s sake.

By my understanding it’s not that Bruce doesn’t love Damian. It’s that he genuinely believes Damian’s better off without him.

It’s low key confirmed in Bruce Wayne: The Road Home.

[The Road Home: Batman & Robin]

((Don’t trust anything Bruce says about Dick’s “casualness” or whatever in this issue tho. Nicieza just… doesn’t know Dick’s character all that much.))

So Bruce is basically taking the easy way out, yeah. Both in ‘Tec and in choosing it’s not worth trying to work with Damian as his partner. He decides Talia is a better parent & Dick is a better mentor than he could be, and he’s off fighting the good fight against Leviathan.

We can stretch it and say Bruce probs decided he’ll take care of his relationship with Damian after the Leviathan thing is dealt with but tbh I don’t know if DC or Morrison thought that far ahead.

Conclusion

Morrison’s narrative installs that Bruce does feel morally obligated to care for Damian. And although I get why it can feel uncertain, I’m not sure we’re supposed to doubt Bruce loves Damian.

Bruce not looking for Damian after the explosion is is more due to the writer’s choice to consider the “Damian issue” closed for now so that he can focus on his next plot/installment. I guess.

When Bruce has the idea to send Damian back to fake-Talia, I guess his love for his son is a tool used to show how much Bruce is a selfless hero*. and a terrible dad but he’s a Hero™ so it’s okay.

Bruce in RoRAG doesn’t come as indifferent to Damian’s safety to me, he’s being his dumbass self in a crisis situation. He’s got no excuse for sending Damian alongside Dick & Tim when he did though.

On two occasions Bruce unilaterally elects that Damian is better-off without him. First with the in-character Talia who actually loves her son, second as Dick’s partner.

* Actually it’d be very interesting if someone who liked that comic-book could explain me wtf I didn’t get about its narrative significance. Sometimes our personal tastes just render us blind to some things guys.

TL;DR: Does preboot!Bruce love Damian? Yes. Was he a good father to him? No.

And I’m feeling way more comfortable giving a categorical answer here than when I was asked if Bruce is, in general, a good father.

To be fair Bruce does try to step into a fatherly role in Morrison’s Batman #657, aka just after he meets Damian. Afterwards we get sidetracked; and later storylines just. Don’t really give Bruce & Damian the opportunity so share father-son moments.

His behavior in RoRAG is just plain bad. The fact that it’s not due to indifference doesn’t change that. The ten-year-old who didn’t ask for shit should be treated differently that the seasoned vigilantes Dick and Tim are, period.

Obviously leaving Damian in fake-Talia’s clutches or wanting to send him back to his abuser goes under “bad father points” too. If you consider the whole of Morrison’s run should be integrated into your personal understanding of the character, that is. woops look at that terrible bias showing its ugly face again

In later episodes, it’s tempting to give Bruce a pass by saying that he just didn’t get the chance/time to be a good father to Damian, and part of it is true. But again, failing to invest in that relationship is completely in-character, and tbh it’s the part I find the most interesting character- and narrative-wise:

It’s A) self-depreciating (”Talia or Dick can provide my son what I can’t”); B) self-centered, in that Bruce doesn’t stop to consider what Damian thinks or wants; and C) cowardly, in that the second there’s someone else available to take care of Damian, Bruce stops trying to be a father and to invest himself emotionally because gasp, feelings!

As a comparison, think of how long it took for Bruce to go from mentor-protégé-e to father-child in his relationship with Tim and Cassandra; and to admit that’s how he felt about those kids. He didn’t adopt Dick until he was an adult either. Batdad needs time to un-constipate. It’s a Bruce thing, not a Bruce & Damian one.

(Jason is the only kid with whom Bruce immediately builds a wholesome relationship and that’s where you cry because if Jason didn’t die Bruce wouldn’t have half as much trouble getting close to his kids.)

Hope this word-vomit answers that. Thanks for the asks!

[kendrixtermina]

You seem like pretty knowable about Edelgard lore and motivation, so I've been meaning to ask. What exactly was the catalyst that made Edelgard hate the Church of Seiros so much? I know they've done a ton of shitty stuff in general, but what made Edelgard dislike them personally? I looked on the wiki and it either wasn't on there yet or I just didn't understand it. (I want to be able to eventually explain it to my sister who so far thinks Edelgard is evil, she hasn't finished the AM route yet).

IDK if this is something one can be “knowledgeable” about I just played the same game everyone else did, I’m no authority I just like analyzing fictional works for fun.

And whoever added that recent lengthy edit to the wiki article… let’s just say their opinions are discernible.  But they might say the same about me. 

Good vs Sympathetic

First there are some interesting premises hidden in this question - why would a personal motivation be more convincing that a net negative impact on the world at large? It’s the latter a much better reason? 

Like there’s a big difference between saying “they had legit reasons for their feelings/actions” (you could say this even about rhea) and saying that someone’s a force for good. Being understandable and consistent isn’t goodness; IT’s just good writing, and “they can’t help it, of course they acted like this, look at what happened to them” is more an argument for someone being sympathetic/understandable than good. Murder or manslaughter? How much can we blame them for their bad deeds. 

You might have very good personal reasons to hate someone or something, and pursuing that hate at the expense of others could still be a very selfish thing. There are your feelings, and then there’s how you act on them. There are many ways to act on the same feeling. 

Conversely, it is possible to be repulsed by evil or mismanagement just because of its own wrongness/stupidity. If you read about how some evil deed happened to total strangers in a foreign country, you would still be angry and you might even vote, sign petitions or attent protests so it doesn’t keep happening. 

If the Church of Seiros is doing objectively bad stuff, is that not enough to oppose it? Not only does Seiros/Rhea rule everything from the shadows, she’s accountable to no one, and she’s doing a bad job at it. TWSITD are her enemies too but they’re running rampant under her nose and in the recent past, deposed the Emperor and assasinated the king of faerghus to install their own agents.

Rhea may not have intended to let xenophobia, inequality, corruption, obsession with crests and instability to fester but that’s still what happened - and people can’t file complaints because she’s ruling in secret and anyone who complaints in branded a heretic. Almost everyone in the cast has been affected by those issues - the “peace” at the start of the story is illusory. Also, this whole shadow war between Seiros and Agartha is being carried out on the backs of the ordinary people who have no say in anything. At least if you know who the king/lord is you know who to rebel against if there’s no bread.

It’s no good. And as the heir to the largest territory, Edelgard is one of the few people who have a chance to stop it. It’s not easy for her either, given that the empire is thoroughly infiltrated by TWSID agents who would never have let her butt touch the throne if she didn’t play ball, or at least not without a bloody fight that might well end with the empire in splinter factions, aafter all, her father had already been reduced to a puppet ruler (see what happens to Dimitri when he returns to faerghus - Arundel is said to mantain his own personal army)

And since it was one of her ancestors who sold out Fodlan to seiros for power, she might feel that it’s her responsibility to put it right.

The real power isn’t with the people or even the nobles and the rulers of the three factions - it’s with Rhea and TWSITD. They keep burning up people without end for their own causes that have nothing to do with the people themselves, they both see humans as “beasts”… Shouldn’t that be stopped? 

To stop evil is a much better motivation than petty personal grudges.

Edelgard’s thinking

The first thing to understand with Edelgard is that she’s a big picture thinker through and through. For better or for worse she looks at and decides everything based on how it will look in a history book a few centuries down the line. (For prime examples of evidence look at the Dorothea support or some of her lines after fighting Dimitri)

This isn’t to say that she doesn’t have bias or personal influences like everyone else, but she values and strives for objectivity. That means questioning herself alot (something you wouldn’t see that much on routes other than her own as she keeps the tough leader face on in public), it means putting what yields the best results over what she wants or likes, and it means looking at the greater whole. 

She doesn’t just want to get revenge on the specific people who wronged her; She wants to ensue that it never happens to anyone else. She wants to undo the whole situation that allowed for it to happen - even if that means postponing her own revenge and working with those she hates the most. This is very much her putting efficiency and the end result above her own feelings. 

It may well have been Thales and his henchmen who cut her open, but they couldn’t have done it without the cooperation of the corrupt imperial nobles. (likewise, they worked with xenophobic kingdom nobles who didn’t like Dimitri’s dad making peace with the foreigners to orchestrate the Duscur nonsense)

Why were they in power? How were they convinced to allow for such a thing and give Thales the ressources he wanted/needed? Because of the social system that Seiros set up so that crests are equated with power.  

There will always be assholes and evil people, but how much damage they cause depends on wether the system they operate in lets them get away with it.

Also, even when you look just at TWSITD’s involvement, Edelgard’s siblings were butchered to make her a mighty tool for the shadow conflict. Just as Rhea in turn did her own experiments to revive sothis and “regain all that she lost”

So even on the most direct level, what happened was a result of the shadow conflict. 

And it is instrumental to keep in mind that Edelgard wants to remove both shadow factions. 

Her beef’s strictly with them - she knew that the Kingdom and Alliance would probably fight her if she went against the church and was fully prepared to pay that price, but that’s a side effect of going where the enemy is - she handed out letters and pamphlets informing ppl of the church’s evils and asking them to choose sides. 

TWSITD have fearsome power and have infiltrated the empire, but they’re few. The Church got its claws in most local governments. Why not throw the power of the former at the latter, to take down the stronger enemy, and then take out the Agarthans when your power’s consolidated? It’s a decision not about whom to fight, but about whom to fight first. 

Also because of her big-picture thinking she looks at the absolute numbers. In her own words, she’s going for the path of least casualties. 

PPl tend to judge harm caused by action stronger than harm caused by inaction but actually the harm is the same. Acting to remove the two shadow factions will have a cost (the war) but not acting also has a cost - that the dysfuction goes on and on forever. 

She doesn’t particularly want power if it were up to her she’d have chosen a normal ordinary life and she says so on many occasions. But she can stop it, stop the endless sacrifice and dysfunction, so she can’t just let it continue and do nothing. 

Of course with that sorta logic you always have to consider how each action impacts the end result so you don’t destroy all you want to protect because you tell yourself that it will pay off later, after all ‘the many’ are just an abstraction for a lot of individuals. But Edelgard’s not really losing sight of that, she keeps looking to minimize the casualties where she can, she offers people a chance to surrender, you get some lecture questions where she’s genuinely considering what do with rhea if she DOES surrender. 

It’s worth noting that on her route, the war ends the quickest and only the Kingdom lands get significantly wrecked (and the Kingdom always gets wrecked even if it gets rebuild afterwards, it was already in a lot of chaos before the war even started). You have to fight the peeps you don’t recruit but that’s no different in the other routes. Claude manages to seize control of the Church without going through the knights so he manages to pull off an at least equivalent end result (both shadow factions removed, society permanently changed) while offing fewer of the named characters, and lets not fail to give him credit for that,  but he might not have, if Edelgard hadn’t conveniently removed Rhea and just generally blazed a convenient trail for him to, in his own words, “finish the job for her”. Taking in the church with Rhea still in place didn’t work out too well for poor Dimitri, I seem to recall that she used the poor man as a meatshield and set his capital on fire - which is why Claude wisely didn’t touch that hot potato in any route where he doesn’t have Byleth as a bargaining chip. 

Of course that said, going too hard on the comparison would seem to miss the point. While Claude’s and Edelgard’s routes are about their respective grand visions for the future and their badassery as great inspiring leaders, the Church and Kingdom routes are more about people coming together to weather difficult circumstances. Dimitri isn’t really cut out to be a good ruler; but the beauty of his story is how he eventually does his best to become one anyways through the aid of his loyal friends. It’s an underdog story. 

If your sister prefers that sort of story (or just Dimitri himself, as a more emotional, relatable type of hero and a well-crafted, compelling and memorable character) that’s just her personal taste/ good right. 

Edelgard’s personal biases

She surely has a bit of “broken pedestal syndrome” going on, the very human tendency to absolutely reject things you once idealized once they’re proven to be flawed, to assume that if you were lied to often enough, then everything must be a lie… she sure reads what she learns of Seiros’ past actions in a bad light and assumed that Seteth & the others are guiltier/ more complicit than they actually are. 

The problem with Rhea is that she’s selfish, not that she’s a dragon. But if she were the only example you know for what a dragon is like? You might not be too fond of dragons. It’s not like she protests if Byleth spares Flayn and Seteth. 

She doesn’t really know Rhea’s motivation so she has to judge her by her actions and the results of those, and her actions, for all that they come from fear and loneliness, are indistinguishable from power lust by the time that Rhea’s subjugated 30 generations of humans for something their remote ancestors did 1000 years ago. Would she ever have let them go? 

So it doesn’t matter that she only got the partial story on the relics, it’s not the relics she took issue with, but the current state of the world. also Rhea is the one who erased the true records. So the 10 elites totally had it comming, fine - but Rhea’s the one who disseminated the myth that they were heroes in the first place. 

Claude only gets the truth by squeezing it out of Rhea and even then only at the very end, ppl who say that Edelgard “acted on false information” act like Claude just stumbled across the truth with minimal effort. That’s actually more unfair to Claude than to Edelgard if you ask me.... he’s a man who has gathering info as his top priority 24/7

Edelgard’s certainly more steeped in the perspective of her home country where the church is awarded significance and if it turns out to not be good then it’s utterly vile.  Claude has the sort of more detached perspective that he has because he happened to come from another country. Edelgard’s aiming for detachment but that’s only possible to a certain extent when something ruined the lives of nearly everyone you know

At the same time whatever her personal sentiments may be (and im not gonna deny that she does hate the Seiros religion), as far as her actions and decisions go, the engage conversation she has when you have her fight Rhea at the battle:

Rhea:

No matter your reasons, I cannot permit you to go on living any longer!

Edelgard:

The feeling is mutual. I must put a stop to your reign of tyranny!

Rhea:

You must know what a fool you are. The greatest of sins is to make an enemy of the goddess herself!

Edelgard:

I have only made an enemy of the church, not of the faith.

She says in several supports that she personally considers relying on the goddess to be an overly dependent attitude that doesn’t do people good, but that’s just her opinion, she’s not stopping anyone from praying in the privacy of their homes cause thats none of her business and she’s not a tyrant (see what happens if you recruit Marianne or Mercedes, her support with Manuela or the Marianne/Ferdinand support on the CF route, which reveals that he’s actually a believer.)

She just wants the Church, and Rhea specifically, out of politics… exactly what we have in any modern-day country that isn’t Saudi Arabia or the Vatican. 

Megalomania seems the most likely or politically expedient thing to claim but in the end her beef’s not with Rhea’s reasons but the results of her actions which is stagnation, mismanagement and repression. 

Your Actual Question/ Personal Reasons and Catalysts

Honestly? If we’re talking on a strictly emotional/personal level? (As much as that’s an incomplete picture with such a reason-driven character)

She probably bawled for the goddess to save her and her family down in the dungeons, again and again, and no one answered. 

She spent much of her early life just being dragged around, first being kidnapped by Arundel and held captive in the kingdom, then she was thrown in a filthy dungeon where she endured relentless pain and could do nothing but watch as her siblings died one by one. 

She was utterly helpless, a passive plaything of destiny - and then she decided she was done being passive and letting the universe kick her around. She was going to be proactive and do all she could to be in control of her own fate. 

See also the inspiring speeches that she gives to Petra and Lysithea at various points - “Don’t surrender yourself to your fate!” 

Blind reliance on the faith, to her, represents that very surrender, so she rejects it. 

This fear and rejection of being helpless and having zero control is also one of the reasons why she consistently chooses death on her own terms over life on someone elses’. 

That would still not be a valid justification if she wanted to, like, stop everyone from praying, but that’s not what she’s doing. 

[biacostas-blog1]

what’s shackin bacon i’m tink or leo whichever floats your boat, this is my lil bean bia some of the inspo on her blog is for the traveler so pls don’t mind me as i edit some things around to fit her new label the beauty guru if you wanna plot feel free to hit me up here or on discord ( leothelion#0738 ) if you’re a shy coconut smash that heart and i’ll come to you. 

( bia costas, demigirl, she/they, 24, ines silva, the beauty guru ) 

the basic backstory 

the costas family comes from portugal, they’ve been invested in oil and politics since the countries independence. her mother was a beauty queen turned stay at home mom and her father runs the business, the two first met on the day they got married so they may not have been madly in love but bia still has fond memories of her time with her parents

bia actually doesn’t have any memories of portugal because in 1970 her family was run out of the country ( basically it came out to the public that her family wasn’t just providing oil they were also making weapons for the FRELIMO - which is the group essentially fighting for Mozambique to gain their independence ) though they still have money invested in the country and her father will go back from time to time, he didn’t think it was safe to raise their family there 

so growing up she went to school in the netherlands and spent a lot of time traveling with her family, her mother would take her on trips to new places every time she came back with good grades on her report card and that’s where she says her love of travel started. 

however the two bonded over more than just travel her mother put her in her first pageant when she was only 6 months old and until she was 19 she was competing. she loved the competition of pageants and really enjoyed getting to try new skills, learn new routines and meeting all of the girls, she even wound up competing in the mrs universe pageant where she was second runner up 

as soon as she finished the pageant her mother was talking about next year and tbh bia just lost it, she’d been trying to explain to her mom that she wanted to take a break from the pageant world but it was her mom’s dream to be mrs. world but she never made it quite that far and all she wanted was for bia to finish the job but it was driving her lk crazy so she quit doing pageants and decided to take her trust fund and dip 

she spent a year in paris, designing clothing, hanging out with the locals and taking very aesthetically pleasing instagram photos which very quickly grew her a following. people kept asking her if she’d ever make a youtube and the idea of it wasn’t that far off, she loved going live and hanging out with her instagram followers and youtube just felt like an extension of that 

tbh the only reason she made her first video though was because of a bet, her cousin bet her 10k that she couldn’t get 2k subs in less than a month. being the competitive lil bean she is, she took that bet and by the end of her first month on the platform had 10k 

as much as she enjoys making videos, part of her is a little thrown off by the whole thing because it’s people who are obsessed with how she looks who assume that she’s just an air headed pageant girl 

lk reminds of of jeffree starr in that you either looovve her or you hate her content there’s not much in between 

personality wise

sag sun, libra moon, cancer rising aka a whole hot fucking mess 

bia is passionate to a fucking fault, she has such a bleeding heart that she tends to stick up for everyone ever which leads her to a bit of trouble here and there 

she’s gotten arrested in foreign countries multiple times for shooting off at the mouth, she usually has her money and influence to get her out of a tight squeeze but her parents are constantly begging her to chill 

she was raised muslim but stopped practicing around age 15 

on the internet she’s an open book, she doesn’t mind when people dig up her beauty queen pics or ask her what she’s mixed with the only thing that’s a hard limit is her family she actually waited almost 2 years to finally put her family on her channel bc she was so anxious about people saying rude things about them 

but in person she’s a bit more closed off, she’s not the biggest fan of really talking about her personal life ( her family, her thoughts and feelings nah ) but she’s still really really bubbly and outgoing, she can very beautifully mask her i’m really uncomfortable right now by giving you just enough of an answer and then pivoting to make the convo about you or telling a story that’s related but not really 

she’s sUCH a soft goober it’s awful, she’s been known to just hand out money to children selling things on the streets and she’ll randomly cash app her subscribers money because she’s just like wAT DO I NEED ALL THIS FOR? I COULDN’T SPEND A BILLION DOLLARS IF I TRRRIIIEEED

she’s not the type to rub her wealth in your face, she’s that person who will buy a 30 dollar dress from target and then pair it with a 3,000 dollar pair of shoes because ‘i’ve gotta be subtle but still flashy’ 

she loooovves animals, she currently has a mastif she’s in love with his name is kurtus hemingway 9/10 of her videos include her cooing over a pup on the street 

she’s lk a reformed party girl?? after she stopped doing pageants she lk went WILDT because she could and boy can i tell ya my girl made up for all of the lost time though now it’s pretty rare for her to be sloshed. she’ll still have a drink from time to time but she’s much more in control of herself than before

wants to be a good role model for ppl but also has nooo idea how to do that so she’s got a few apology vids for being insensitive or stupid >.< 

a few wcs

someone who wasn’t v close with bia but one day they needed to get away for a while so bia invited them on a trip, the two spent weeks together hanging out, getting drunk and exploring brazil together 

someone who bia is always trying to convince to do a collab with her but always come up with a reason not to do it 

the person everyone ships bia with but the two have ZERO romantic feels for each other but from time to time they’ll do something click baity like act like they’re gonna kiss for the thumbnail but cut the video before the kiss happens 

roommate?? tbh bia could live alone but she’s really paranoid about being on her own so she has a roommate 

someone who has a dog/cat/pet of some sort that bia is OBSESSED with, this is optional but i think it’d be lk funny if she doesn’t really like the person that much but she puts up with them bc she loves their animal  

[tanithrea]

Sunday 6VIXXs

Sitting sipping on a hot chocolate (instant, not the melt the choc and add all extras that becomes an epic journey of self discovery type) and watching vixx is a wonderful way to spend the 3pm break time.

while you enjoy an actual day not at work and an afternoon where you can’t phone or fix things cause companies are closed, there is no mail, and you have resigned yourself to the fact you may or may not achieve any domestic chores, sort your life out, order messages to come so you have lunches all next week, call your Gran cause you have been a neglectful grand-daughter, order xmas pressies cause doing any xmas shopping in December is just a no when you work in retail...etc.

And a great number of things have taken up my mind space this week. I have had moments of almost anxiety/panic and been able to push them back down.

Then there have been highs of going to see Dylan Moran (Irish comedian absolutely hilarious, watch his dvds or the tv show Black Books), going on a staff night out that was more fun than expected and even though my voice was not at its best when I was enlisted to karaoke the others are all still impressed.

I have been contemplating things I see on my tumblr feed and some things that stick out today:

1. I have no idea who they are, edawn & Hyuna I think, don’t know their groups or history or anything but reading that a company fired two idols for simply admitting they were dating is a reprehensible action and I would hope a legally wrong one so the couple can sue. Also cause they found out from the internet. It is ridiculous to punish their careers for this and although I get that the groups are staying quiet about it all out of fear of their own jobs I personally would have a hard time if I didn’t speak out to support my colleague in this time.

As for the toxic ‘fans’ (don’t care what country you are from) who petitioned to fire them, who send hateful stuff to them and for the insane claim that their dating incurred “financial and emotional harm” to them you need a hard slap and a reality check.

You are never going to date your fav idol. He isn’t going to see you in a crowd of 5000 and go wow that’s the one for me. You are not and will never be in a relationship with them. They are people and when not performing or in public they have friends, family, history, ex’s, issues, outbursts and they poop just like everyone else.

99.99% of us won’t even see our fav idols live let alone touch or interact with them and if I buy an album or support my bias - I support him for who he is and I want him to be happy and if that becomes him married or having kids - then I will support that too. He isn’t lying to me by singing these lyrics and then falling for someone, you don’t own idols. They are looking for their lobster just as much as any of us. They have suffered hardships, possibly gone through traumas and could have any number of scary life experiences, why would you want to be remembered for being in that catagory? You don’t and shouldn’t have the power to crush them at a whim of adolescent bunny boiler jealousy. Get over it and see the real humans they are. Also if you think it’s ok to send horrible msgs about death threats and suicide to idols not only are you a sorry human being you need help. Seek professionals.

2. I have been watching kdramas and just finished Bride Of The Water God. It was good although it stumbled in bits and pacing was off there were some really good 😱💔😭😍moments. Also the guys in it were so hot! Lol

im now back into catching up on Hongbin in witch’s love although I know what the ending is going to bring. Wishing he got to really show his ever increasing talents more. Can’t wait to see all the VIXX drama performances like Beans and N have so far in the coming months.

Actor wise I am loving Park Seo-Joon, Woo Do-Hwan, Park Hyungsik, Nam Joo-Hyuk, Ahn Jae-Hyun, Song Seung-Heon, Seo Kang-Joon, Lim Ju-Hwan, all of the Hwarang cast really, Lee Jonghyun and of course all the acting ViXX memebers!

On my list to watch ASAP is - W, Mad Dog, Tempted, Save Me, What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, Are You Human Too?, Manhole, Triangle, Tunnel, Lovely Horribly, Sassy Go Go, Goblin, Photo People, Spellbound, The Legend of The Blue Sea, The Starry Night The Starry Sea, Scarlet Heart, Protect The Boss....a ton more. Hyuks Chasing, and new upcoming project. Catch up on Familiar Wife and hope that someone uploads the TV showing of Mata Hari with Leo.

Saw trailer for Bleach today so adding that to list, switched, Solomon’s perjury, mr sunshine, man to man, a man called god and a few others.

Shows I reccomend - Wednesday 3:30pm, Orange Marmalade, Moorim School, Tunnel, Bride Of The Water God, Blood, Black, Forgotten, We Got Married (Lee Jonghyun), Newlywed Diary s1, Spy, Hwarang, My Only Love Song, Strong Woman Bong Soon

In non kdrama inspired stuff - recently saw Searching... and it was brill. Highly reccomend and genius filming idea. Pulled off the way it should be and others failed to do. The Spy Who Dumped Me was disappointing and didn’t gel well despite the few hilarious scenes in the film. The Happy Gang Murders- ok but wait for it on sky movies or Netflix. Looking forward to seeing Crazy Rich Asians on Tuesday after work!

3. Although I still haven’t found another group I could say ‘I love them’ cause I’m hard set VIXX, the last few weeks I have opened to a few guys and groups through friends and exposure.

I added Kim Jaejoong to my list pretty quickly lol then Lee Jonghyun, Park Hyungsik and I would say mainly cause my kpop guro mate and guide Jackie I have seen a lot of Monsta X and I didn’t really feel a link to any of them but having seen the emotional side of Wonho he would be the one I would add to the list, just not quite there yet but almost.

I have listened to a lot more of their music, and I feel like I’m open to hearing others yet I recoil into vixx as soon as I see posters and gifs about other bands claiming they are record breaking at whatever chart/award/audience numbers/hair dying/stripping on stage...etc whatever statistics it is cause I get that defensive pang for my boys.

So I totally understand the passions folks have for their group/s. I have it too.

Just listen to the other instincts as well that say that other group worked hard too, each should get a share of the limelight and they each have their own struggles they went through to get there. Try to ignore the impulse to roam stomping around the internet screaming your band/bias is the only talented super human in the universe while eating everyone else’s as snacks. But do share, get excited, encourage new listeners/fans, support and go bonkers happy. 👍🏻😉

4. Everything is being turned into musicals. While I LOVE a good musical not every single topic in the world is suited to it. Lol also in saying that I’m super happy Leo has another musical casting as Death character Tod in Das Elisabeth. He loves the stage and singing so it’s just pure joy for him. Also Ken announcing he has a run as Man In The Iron Mask king and again seriously hoping some starlights get some clips to share up on YouTube cause we/I are desperate to see these. Lol my almost stroke after regaining consciousness seeing leo as death poster was seeing what looks like Park Hyungsik in the same role. Meaning two of my list working together and in rehearsals together...⚰️😍need a pic of that and some official confirmations what I’m seeing in the pic is truly who I think it is!

I will now sort some dinner, maybe binge some kdrama, have a shower and go to bed as I totally enjoy my totally wasteful Sunday which at this point would only be made better by being snuggled up to bias/nice guy watching a movie/show with the special hot chocolate I mentioned at the start. I hope you all have a restful night, if you are working today then when your day off comes I hope it’s perfect and relaxing. 👍🏻😉💖🌟

[kimmiherself]

CHAPTER TWO: THE BEGINNING

It was almost the end of the first half of the school year. Examinations were coming up. Projects piling up. As the editor-in-chief, I still hadn't finished working on our school paper, which was almost due for release. School activities were also lining up, waiting to be planned. To my friends' distaste, I also became the president of our student organization. We all knew I wasn't the best candidate for the position, but I won anyway. My small group of friends at school thought I was kind of immature and way too emotional—definitely a cry-baby—to handle a responsibility as big as that, considering I had to lead the entire high school. Well, I didn't believe I was immature but I had to agree I was a little sensitive, but the points to my grades mattered so much to me that I couldn't care less.

It was barely noon and my morning classes weren't finished yet, but there I was, lying uncomfortably in one of the beds in the school clinic, bothered by both the warm compress the nurse laid over my lower abdomen and the pain it was trying to relieve. I loathed the cramps that came with the monthly visits. When your stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots and being squeezed out of its life, it could do more than dampen one's day. But if I were to look at more tasks left unticked in my notepad, I'd rather embrace the physical pain and thank the heavens for the blessing in disguise. I badly needed the break.

The pain had been coming and going for the last hour but it sure was becoming more and more bearable each passing minute. And I was starting to get bored too. I tried sleeping but it wasn't working at all so I settled with fiddling with the mobile device in my hands. It wasn't the hottest cellphone in the market but it was a gift from my father and was better than most of my classmates'. It had a built-in camera that I barely used. I tried taking photos of myself in private a couple of times but I never learned to like any of them. In fact, I cringed at those horrible selfies. I filled my gallery with girlish wallpapers and cute GIFs instead. It also didn't have an MP3 player like the very high-end ones but it had ringtones of some of my favorite love songs, enough to entertain me.

But that day it seemed like nothing was working for me. I went to check my inbox for unread messages. There was none. I scanned through them and found Matthew's long list of sweet messages that I'd like to read over and over again, along with some inspirational quotes from my friends. One text caught my attention, though. It simply said hello but it lacked the appropriate punctuation mark and the first letter wasn't even capitalized. Coming from an unknown number, it was weird that I hadn't deleted it yet. I knew texts needed not to have proper structure and grammar but I still preferred it that way. Matthew didn't have a problem with that since he was also as particular as me in that department.

I'd barely respond to unknown numbers, especially if their texts looked stupid and offensive to my eyes—grammar-wise, that was why I was so surprised with myself when I typed, "I don't usually talk to strangers, but who are you?" and sent it back to that unknown number.

I really wasn't expecting anything from that number and started sending Matthew some messages next. I missed talking to him. He mostly never responded to my messages and I couldn't even call him. I'd hate to take so much of his time that I hardly ever called and I especially hated it when the calls got rejected. Aside from having a hectic schedule, Matthew needed money and he couldn't always afford to buy prepaid load for his phone. And I understood that. I just really missed him. When I bought him prepaid load one time, it just didn't end well for me. I probably even offended him. So I learned to wait...and wait.

My phone suddenly chimed.

1 new message received flashed on my screen.

I readjusted my back so I could settle comfortably and quickly pressed the ok button, hoping to see Matthew's reply.

It wasn't his.

"Not a stranger, just Raven Maude," I read the text from the unknown number. Scrunching my nose, I typed, "I'll decide on that," and paused, thinking where I heard that name. "Well, I know one Maude. Her name's Cathy." We didn't go to the same high school but Cathy's from my village and everyone around there seemed to just know each other. One of my friends from the village had a crush on her too so whenever we met, she was almost always part of our conversations.

I barely waited when my phone chimed again. Surely, it was from the stranger. It said, "She's actually my little sister. Jeje..."

I cringed at the last part of his text. Emojis weren't a thing yet in 2007 so you really had to spell out your laughs in texts, but I preferred h for haha or hehe over their j counterparts. The latter bothered me a lot. Wait...did he just say she was his sister? "Huh," I puffed out. He just pointed out two things. One, he couldn't be a total stranger when I knew one of his kin. Two, I was a moron thinking I knew everyone in my village.

I tried to picture him out in my head. Although petite, Cathy was pretty good-looking so he couldn't have deviated that far if they were truly siblings. Then I remembered there was one time, a few years ago, some of those kids in the village talked about Cathy's brother, whose name I didn't even care to know, and they giggled as they did so. I was curious for like five seconds and went on with my life. I never even got to see his face. It's weird how we never bumped into each other in the village until now.

"Really? Small world," I started typing my reply. "By the way, where did you get my number?" I asked, not at all amused that someone shared my personal information without my permission.

He said it was Marie, another common friend of ours from the village. "I saw you with her and your other friends in the plaza a few weeks ago. I asked her for your number. I hope you don't mind...with your aversion to strangers and all."

I rolled my eyes but decided to let go of that comment. Indeed, there was a recent community event in the village square and I was invited by Marie and her group to perform one dance with them. I hadn't caught on the steps yet and I was lucky the lights went out and didn't get to perform in the end. It sure would be embarrassing especially now that I learned there was someone behind those throng of expectators whose eyes were on me for at least a moment.

"It's fine. You're only half a stranger after all," I said, without fully meaning it. I looked at his first message once again and realized it had been sitting there on my phone for a few weeks now. I wondered if he thought I was a snob. Not that it mattered. I knew this was just a hi-and-bye encounter, just two people who belonged to the same community nodding at each other's way to acknowledge their existence.

My phone chimed yet again. "Good. Now we're friends."

********************************************

Raven didn't warn me how clingy he was for a friend. We sent each other messages more than friends usually did—at least, more than I texted my friends. We easily got past awkward introductions and dove right into casual conversations that had started to become a routine. Mornings started with greetings and ended with, "Have you had your lunch yet?" Nights were filled with a cannonade of questions about each other and always ended with either a good-night or a sleep-well.

I knew it was unfair of me to compare Matthew with Raven but I couldn't help but wonder how amazing it would be if my boyfriend showed me as much attention as Raven did. I sighed, reminding myself that Matthew was not just a college student but also a part-time employee of a fastfood chain, which implied he had way more important things to do than waste time on his phone. Besides, he asked me to give him time and wait for us to be together; I shouldn't be feeling resentful. But talking to Raven had been a pleasant experience and, though I still missed my boyfriend, my nights had started to become less lonely than they used to be.

By the end of the week, I learned that Raven was a freshman in college in the same city as Matt's. He wanted to become either a civil engineer or a seafarer but, by his mother's persuasion, ended up taking a two-year course in Hotel and Restaurant Management. He said his mother thought his aim was too high. He didn't graduate at the top of his class in high school but he wasn't dumb either. It's a shame he didn't even get to try it out.

I learned that Raven didn't have a favorite color and that was weird. Who didn't have a favorite color? Like even the slightest bias to one or two? Raven just didn't think it mattered. He liked playing the guitar, though. In fact, he just bought one, out of his savings from his school allowance and other sidelines. He didn't mention he worked part-time so I wondered what those were.

Raven also talked about basketball, saying it's that one thing he really was passionate about. I knew nothing about it and thought it was crazy to go home almost every weekend for a game or two. Basketball leagues, according to him, topped the sports activities in our district. Leagues were hosted everywhere and Raven and his team wouldn't dare miss one. He even mentioned he would've been in the seminary already instead of his current school if that one big game didn't fall on the same day as his departure. It appalled me how he could just easily make big decisions and outright change plans just to suit his schedule. It was so not my cup of tea.

"It's funny, you know," Raven said once over the phone.

"What?"

"That you say you've never seen me when we've had several encounters already."

That piqued my curiosity. "Really? I don't recall ever meeting you."

"No, you haven't," he said. "But when you were little—we were little, I used to see you with your uncle all the time in their farm. I'm friends with his nephews, you know."

"Really?" I gasped. I hoped he didn't catch me in those moments when I was stuffing my mouth with so much fruit that I could barely chew them, because the food was all the reason why I stuck around my uncle and their family's farm. But who could resist fruits, right, especially my favorites, Durian and Rambutan?

"And we also used to play basketball in front of your house. There's like a makeshift basketball ring there, if you haven't noticed. Whenever you came home from your school, you would just walk right in front of us—with that gigantic luggage you call your school bag, your head always down, never looking at anyone."

That made me chuckle. "I'm sorry I'm such a snob," I replied, feigning remorse. "I'm just not comfortable walking through a crowd." A crowd of boys, especially. I just tried to be as invisible as I could be. I knew I would just embarrass myself like tripping over or something if I knew someone was looking at me. I just knew it. Yes, I was a dancer and I performed on stage with enough confidence and grace, but as soon as the performance ended, I quickly went back to being shy, awkward, and clumsy.

"It's funny how you squirmed whenever the ball rolled towards your feet," he said with a laugh.

"It's called a reflex, Raven!" I exclaimed, shuddering at the recollection. I didn't have any phobia with balls but I couldn't help but picture my impending demise whenever it came near me, considering my rather inept ability of handling surprises. I just knew that a time would come when I'd finally trip over that evil orb and fall down on my knees, my white skirt uniform flying over my head and showing my bum, and everyone would just laugh at me. I shuddered at the thought. "Everything would be fine as long as the ball and I kept our distance from each other," I whispered to myself.

Raven didn't seem to hear that. "You never noticed how the world would seem to stop whenever you walked past us, do you?"

I snorted, but I felt the heat creep up my cheeks. "Now you're just being silly, Mr. Raven Maude!"

"Seriously, Kier..." My name just sounded a little strange coming from him. But not in a creepy way. It just sounded a little soft and sweet and it made me feel a little warm and fuzzy. Great! I rolled my eyes at the thought. "A lot of boys like you, Kiera." He paused then added, "But we all know you're like the stars...twinkling at us from up the sky but impossible to reach."

"Yeah, right..." I chuckled nervously, pushing away the thoughts that came flooding with the we and us from his last statement. "You're just exagerrating things, Raven, because that's not probable. They don't even know me and, mind you, no one has ever asked me out." Even at school, no one really shows interest in me...well, except for Aaron, but he's already moved on to the next girl.

"That's the thing, Kier. You're different from the rest of the girls. Everyone knows you're that pretty, smart, and talented girl—who barely comes down from her castle to mingle with us, commoners," he paused to chuckle. "But no one really knows you. You're like a mystery waiting to be solved," he continued, causing tiny drums to start playing inside my chest. "But everyone's scared of the unknown, so..."

"So everyone's scared of me?" I said, laughing.

He laughed too, then paused for a while before saying, "I'm not."

I didn't know when or how but those tiny drums were now accompanied by other instruments that my chest had morphed into a grand venue for an elaborate orchestra. And it was overwhelming. Too overwhelming that I started to feel nauseated. What am I doing? I didn't know if it could be called flirting but Raven and I were becoming more than casual friends. And this most definitely wasn't a hi-and-bye encounter! I realized I had been responding to his messages all too eagerly and began looking forward to those everytime my phone beeped. I also didn't have a problem answering to his phone calls even at school. I knew Matthew wouldn't be too thrilled about this new friend of mine, especially if he knew he never really surfaced in our conversations. I was a terrible liar and I wouldn't deliberately lie. It's just that Raven never asked me about having a boyfriend. And I never did ask him too. A girlfriend, I meant. I didn't ask him if he had a girlfriend. We were just being friendly to each other and there was no harm in that. And I thought it was probably just me and my obsession with love stories that I had started thinking about a budding romance between the two of us. I was probably just reading too much into things.

********************************************

Semestral break was now days ahead, just the breather that I needed. Examinations were almost done and there I was with the group of dancers at my school, practicing for our presentation to be showcased during the opening of the week-long inter-school sports competition for next month. Dancing was what I loved, next to reading books and sketching portraits. I'd easily get lost to music and beautiful movements. It made me feel free. And nothing was more freeing than dancing contemporary under a new choreographer for the event, which was a challenge that my group and I accepted wholeheartedly. Plus, I couldn't play sports. I was clumsy that I'd either miss serving a volleyball or get hit in the face with a basketball. The only way I could get those points from sports events was through cheering and dancing.

When we had had enough pirouettes and toe touch jumps, my friends and I slumped into the floor to rest. "I can't wait for the semestral break," most of them murmured. I also looked forward to creeping into my bed without body aches and waking up without a worry in the world. Just as my heartbeat started slowing down from racing and my sweats stopped pouring, my cellphone rang.

I turned rigid. I didn't have many people calling me. There's just my mom, actually. Matthew barely even texted. And there's...Raven.

My heart raced once again as I rummaged through my bag to look for my phone. When I finally found it, he really didn't disappoint. I ran outside the room to answer his call, my friends' curious eyes on me.

"Hi," I said through ragged breaths. When I realized Raven and I had been constantly on the phone to text each other, I tried to pull back and refocused my attention to school and Matthew. I hadn't heard from him for a while and this was so unexpected it kind of made me all flushed. I tried to sound a little less excited but I couldn't help my lips from twitching into a full-blown smile.

"Hello, Kiera..." he answered, his voice just as rasped and as sweet as I remembered it. It was weird that I could imagine him smiling behind that voice. And I hadn't even seen him yet. "Where are you?"

"School," I answered shortly.

"Isn't it your semestral break already?" he asked, his voice still making me feel all the fuzzy feelings I first had with Matthew.

I shook my head but felt stupid for doing it over the phone. "Not yet. I still have a couple of days or so. Why do you ask?"

I heard him chuckle. "I'm going home, Kier."

"Y-Yeah?" I murmured, my heart now beating erratically. I didn't know why but the thought of this person, whom I had shared a lot of conversations with over the phone for the last few weeks, coming home and probably wanting to see me felt like a really bad idea but one I still wanted to succumb to. "So you're done with your first semester in college?"

"Absolutely, maam," he said in a more playful tone. "And I can't wait to go home..."

He dragged his last word that I thought he still had something else to say, but there was nothing. I was glad our conversations still remained completely platonic and innocent. "That's great, Rave. Congratulations!"

"Thanks!" I imagined him grinning as he said that.

"So when is this great homecoming?"

He chuckled. "Soon," he said. "I'll see you when I see you."

I laughed too. "Sure," I answered. "I'll see you when I see you too."

The call didn't last long. He only wanted to say he was coming home and it left me feeling weak on the knees. I was scared of seeing him, of fully realizing that he was a real person and not just a figment of my imagination...and that I had been entertaining someone else, even if it was hardly romantic, behind Matthew's back. My excitement died down a little.

I went back to the room, my head still wrapped up around Raven's impending homecoming. I didn't realize what my face looked like until André, my gay best friend, shot me a curious look and asked, "What's with that grinning face? It's annoying!" I went to him and slumped giddily beside him. "Who was that?"

"Matthew..." I answered with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

"Uh-huh? If you say so," he said, his eyes still pierced on mine, telling me what a terrible liar I was.

Nobody knew about Raven because I didn't want my friends telling me that what I was doing was wrong especially when there was really nothing between Raven and I. I knew they wouldn't believe that. Even I have my doubts too. But Raven and I never crossed a line, which was what really mattered, and his presence in my life was a breath of fresh air I didn't realize I was craving so much. And again, I might have been just imagining things that weren't really there. Raven was a college student who probably had a lot of beautiful college girls flocking around him. He might even have a girlfriend waiting for him too. I just knew him through our text messages and calls but I didn't really know him that much. I was stupid to think of anything other than a platonic relationship between us but it also somehow felt disappointing, which scared me a lot because that would be validating I somehow felt something for him. Even just a little. And it would crush Matthew.

Oh, Matthew...

I had never been more guilty in my life.

[regulardomainname]

Kadie Smith Finds Her Passion For Design During a Career Day in High School (DOTW#5)

We’re super excited to continue our series of interviews “Designer of the Week” with an amazing and passionate designer, Kadie Smith.  Webdesignledger: Kadie, at Webdesignledger we’ve been very impressed with your work and we decided that we want to get to know you better. Please tell us five characteristics you want people to know about you when they first meet you. Kadie: Thank you! If I were to meet someone for the first time, I would want them to know that I’m sincere, a good listener, observant, enjoy brainstorming creative ideas, and love collaboration. Webdesignledger: When did you discover your passion for design? What originally made you want to become a graphic designer? Kadie: I found out I was passionate about graphic design when shadowing a family friend who owned a branding agency for career day in high school. The thing I loved most about graphic design was the visual organization and editing process. I never quite felt like a pure artist, but as a designer, I loved creative problem-solving and that it was rooted in an understanding of communication. Webdesignledger: Your agency offers a wide range of design (branding, logo design, brand development, marketing graphics, brand experience, creative direction, lettering, illustration, layouts). Which of these branches offers you the most satisfaction as a graphic designer? Kadie: I find the most satisfaction (personally) in the branding process. I enjoy building a personal relationship with new clients and walking through the whole evolution of the brand from start to finish. In this process, design becomes an opportunity for my client to express their dreams and ambitions and translate their passion for their business in their style and visual communication. From there, my team and I get to play and see just how far we can extend a brand’s experience and create opportunities to add a personal touch to the brand’s growth and development over time with different visual elements. Webdesignledger: What are the top three fonts you love and use the most? Kadie: My favorite go-to fonts are Coromant, Gotham, and Garamond. Webdesignledger: Every designer has at least one project that he/she is very proud of. What is the project that has the most emotional value to you, that helped you express your style the most? Kadie: My favorite project to date is Bossladies Magazine. Chelsea came to me right after Volumen One released and she unexpectedly built a large following. We worked for a year together putting together issues two and three as our friendship and mutual trust grew. After issue three, Chelsea gave me the green light to rebrand the magazine and I had never felt such a personal connection to a branding project, having worked with the client for so long before getting to start the process. It became an extension of my own style since I had come to identify so closely with the heart and mission of the magazine, and was the most rewarding experience I’ve had in a branding project. Webdesignledger: We love the way you organize your portfolio and take time to give all the details describing your clients’ business. We understand that the designer-client relationship is important to you. Have you ever disagreed with the client’s feedback? How did you handle it? Kadie: I have! I think almost every designer has at one time or another. When I was just starting out, I felt so personally tied to my designs that I had a hard time understanding feedback and became really disappointed if the project went in a direction I wasn’t excited about. Now, I first take time to try to understand the root of the feedback – is it a misunderstanding? different style preference? fear? My role as a brand designer is to communicate my client’s vision for the company, not to create my own version of their business, so I try to keep as much of my personal bias in check as I can. Sure, I want the end result to be beautiful, but I also want it to resonate with my client and give them passion and confidence to take ownership of their brand. If I feel like their feedback is rooted in a genuine lack of understanding or fear of taking a risk, I try to work through those fears and uncertainties with them as a co-collaborator. If it’s merely a different style preference, I do my best to execute their style and vision for the brand as best I can! Webdesignledger: If you could choose the era you were born in, what other century would you choose design-wise? Kadie: Design-wise, I would love to be in the Art Deco era! I love the typography from that period in design and still take so much inspiration from the way they pushed the limits of traditional letterforms. Webdesignledger: Being your own boss comes with many responsibilities. Do you use a certain time or project management software to make your workflow smoother? Kadie: Asana has really helped my team workflow, but personally I am still so old school and just use my Moleskine planner! I need to be better at being more digital (my project manager would love it if I was!) but I’ve found I always gravitate back to pen and paper. Webdesignledger: Describe your creative process. What are the major steps? Do you follow a certain routine? Kadie: I do have a creative routine. I start with extensive time in the discovery phase, asking lots of questions, researching ideas and putting together mood boards, meeting with my client, and making sure I understand their style and brand message as best I can before designing. Once I start designing, I try to keep the options pretty minimal to help with decision paralysis. I spend time explaining why I’ve developed each concept and how I see it developing. Once a design concept/direction is selected, I build it out and refine the design, adding mockups and additional visual elements to create a full experience. Then we start the revision phase to further refine and perfect the design to make sure it’s ready to launch! Webdesignledger: Are you currently working on a project? How is it coming together? Kadie: We are currently working on several projects! This month, we’re working on branding for a children’s clothing brand, an interior design firm, a fertility specialist, a travel agency, a financial firm, an elementary school, and an app for wedding photographers, as well as some packaging and illustration projects. We stay busy, but we have fun! Webdesignledger: What is something new that you learned as a designer in your past experience (jobs & internships)? Kadie: I have learned so much about discipline, creating buffer in timelines (at least 40% for all the unexpected mishaps and creative blocks!), and the importance of forming relationships in the design and local community. Webdesignledger: What advice would you give to a new designer? Kadie: I would tell a new designer to work on lots of different projects before settling in on the type of design they want to do. And then keep experimenting! Reach outside of your comfort zone to try different creative hobbies to spark your inspiration. Often it’s when I’m painting, collaging, or sewing that I’ll think of a solution for a logo or come up with a color palette for a client. Develop a broad skill set and form lots of relationships – go to events and conferences, reach out to designers you admire online, and join online groups and forums. There’s so much out there that you can use to grow as a professional designer if you put yourself out there! Webdesignledger: Thanks for letting us get to know you and we wish you best of luck! You can stay updated with Kadie’s work on the following platforms: Blog: dropcapdesign.com Instagram: dropcapdesign Read More at Kadie Smith Finds Her Passion For Design During a Career Day in High School (DOTW#5) http://dlvr.it/QXjk41 www.regulardomainname.com

[questwithjess]

An Open Letter, to the ‘Affected-By-YouTuber-Scandal’ Community:

**below includes some adult language and extensive discussion of sensitive topics** 

Okay, so…this is mostly regarding the current, Logan Paul debacle... 

I don’t often comment on these kinds of events; but this, plus Felix’s 2017 issues, have made me feel that it might now be irresponsible, not to try to explain some of the idiosyncratic, psychosocial phenomena, at play here.

Be warned, I’ve got a long, strange, tangent-prone, and distinct opinion: and it’s one, I imagine, not many people are going to approve of, or share in with me. 

Nor, is it the opinion most people would expect of someone who has, both, had a close friend commit suicide by hanging; and who also, on a separate occasion, found the body of a very close loved one. These are devastating experiences, and that goes without saying. However, the equally-unavoidable truth, is that these experiences are also highly subjective.

Of course, in Logan Paul’s case, we can all agree, including Logan himself, that he handled this more-than-badly. And honestly, if that was someone I loved in his video, it would be much harder for me to say this: but, even so, I do think that there’s more to this situation to be addressed, than just to vilify a still-maturing, still-youthfully-impulsively-irresponsible, career-choice-YouTuber.

And this is where context becomes SO important; because BOTH sides are morally right, to a degree.

These actions are both condemnable and defendable: because these actions will have various, subjective effects, on…you guessed it…various subjects.

And poignantly, in manifestation, it’s a lot like Felix’s fiverr-scandal in early 2017.

Yes, if you look at both of these situations emotionally, without deeper objective-analysis; they are both just insensitive, unnecessary, and hurtful faux pas that could’ve easily been avoided, by being more empathetic and heedful of overall feelings, decency, and political-moral-correctness. 

Yet, if the inquest is about whether or not these actions were done from an intention to harm or offend, or from an intention to inform or entertain; then, it’s no longer so simple to judge.

Philosophically, it can seem reasonable to declare, that such subject-matters should never be ‘entertainment,’ informative or not. And, this has long-since been an ethical-dilemma, for artists of all kinds. But, never before, have the rules for navigating this dilemma, been more complicated and unclear than they are now; and have been, ever, since our lives became inexorably-bound to the internet, and to the various forms of technology that, now-constantly, keep us attached. This is why, it becomes paramount, for all our well-beings’, to judge each situation, as calmly and rationally as possible. 

But, back to the individuals’ in question, and their remiss indiscretions. Remember, both of these incidents are related to highly-emotional situations, and cover topics where feelings run especially, and understandably, deep. 

And so, this naturally brings up part of the unwritten social contract, into which all well-known entertainers, of all mediums, enter. Their ultimate-success, is based on their fans; and the riskier the material they choose to feature, the more they are gambling with losing the favor of many of those fans.

However, this is where YouTube – and particularly, being a successful, 20-something YouTuber, coming into your emotional and neurological-maturity inside of the bubble that is YouTube – creates a unique, and incomparably-surreal, experience. 

This is especially true, in terms of inevitably-testing moral boundaries via their content; since, unlike other types of celebrities, YouTubers pretty much manage and represent their work, themselves. And, in many cases, they have very little image, or buffer zone, or entirely-fictional character, between them and their interactive audience. 

It is entirely up to them, with millions of viewers (and sometimes, the entire media-public) watching, to walk the tightrope of an incredibly-elusive balance. They have to continuously keep their fans, and YouTube, and the public happy; whilst in the process, also staying, both, financially-profitable, and personally true to themselves.

Whether they’re conscious of it or not; along with this career they’ve chosen, they’ve also accepted a constant struggle to reconcile all these competing factors, on a nonstop, daily basis.

Their lives, essentially, become YouTube. 

Everything becomes their content.

And to be inside of that uncanny-surreality; is to look at life, through a new cognitive-filter. 

So, it’s these psychosocial phenomena of artistically-detached-ethical-mystification and real-world-surreal-world-disconnect, that, in my opinion, explain exactly how and why Logan & his friends, did not preemptively, realistically-consider the probability of encountering a deceased person in Aokigahara.

As much, as why Felix didn’t completely, realistically-foresee that he was eventually going to cross the ‘too offensive to be socially-acceptable’ line, and that the consequences for doing-so, would be so undeniably-far-reaching.

And so, this is where I plead; not, for you to ever ignore your feelings, or to ever give these guys a pass when they screw up. 

But rather, merely, to try to understand them, hear them out, let them explain, and accept their sincere apologies when they offer them.

Remember, their worlds exist, always adjacent and attached to, the precarious mediums of YouTube, video, and the internet. And, because of this, they are eternally sharing with us, pieces of themselves.

Sharing with us, their best and worst moments.

And so, before we only exactingly-express our criticisms; I feel as though they also deserve these practical considerations. 

I also, truly believe, there’s a way to express your disagreement with their actions, without cruelly and hatefully trying to tear them down as people. 

For better or worse, they made these mistakes while trying to show people something that they’ve never seen before. And yes, their negligent actions do have consequences; but so too, are there consequences to the actions of those who maliciously-attack the non-malicious-actions of others. Just something to consider.

This is a good place to note: I know, it might sound like I’m just defensive-fangirling, but that’s not, quite, the case.

And I’ll totally admit, I do have some bias, in Felix’s case.

I have watched, the illustrious, ‘PewDiePie’ for years. 

Yes, because I find his...particular...humor, uniquely-engaging.

But, even more so; it’s because I find him cathartic. 

As weird as it is to admit; he’s like the male, Swedish version of who I used to be, personality-wise. To the point where, I often, literally, predict what he’s going to say or do, before he says or does it. Also, he looks just like an old friend of mine; and, I mean, they are nearly identical twins, down to the voice.

These are totally-subjective reasons for viewership, I know.

But, they lend to the fact, that the core of my appreciation of him, may be one of sympathetic-thoughtfulness; but, it is in no way, mindless-fan-worship. 

More than anything, my qualitative, if not abstract, comprehension of his identity, comes with the ingrained acknowledgement and acceptance of his semi-flawed morality. 

Just as I acknowledge and accept my own flawed-morality, past and present.

And, in truth, it’s that very-same ethical-imperfection, that allows him to create his ever-inimitable, and beloved, brand of comedy. Just as mine, allows me to try to honestly and empathetically analyze, both best and worst of occurrences. 

Experiencing his humor, has seriously taught me invaluable lessons; and it’s one of the most emphatic examples I have, in understanding how similar moral-identities can improve, hold-steady, or decline, dependent on the presence of differing, relative life experiences.

So, basically, I guess I think of Felix as a study-guide: called to YouTube by our mercurial and morbidly-hilarious universe, itself. I don’t always agree with what he says or does, but I'm constantly seeing the world in new ways, because of the distinctive perspective that he offers.

That being said, even though I understand and appreciate his humor-driven, moral-ambiguity; I do not deny the negative consequences that inevitably manifest, when anyone pushes that line too far. 

Which, as we all know, last year, he did.

But, again, this is why context is so important. Felix’s satirical-humor is indeed, often offensive; but, it has never, once, been from a hateful place. 

Disaffected, and cynical? Maybe.

Nihilistic, and reckless? Maybe.

But, hateful? No, never.

It might be true, that he doesn’t always take these issues seriously enough, given his young, vast, impressionable audience and the current human-rights-atmosphere of our planet; and, that does, honestly, bother me sometimes. But, I also can’t ignore, that though seriousness and compassion are not the defining trademarks of his channel; they are the definite cornerstones of his charity work.

In the bigger picture, I’m not sure if there’s any way to create honest comedy, without producing both positive and negative effects. Or, whether or not social-moral-consciousness should empathetically-supersede that comedy. But, I do know that, for every person, full-spectrum-conscientiousness grows at its own, individually-singular rate. And our complete-empathetic-capacities develop, as our relatively-occurring life experiences, catalyze their transformations.

Though he’s already grown so much, over the last few years; something humorless, and close to his heart, may further-change how Felix sees the world, one day. And that change, might in turn, further-affect his personality, his humor, and thusly, his YouTube content. But, if not or until then, his cleverly-jarring-comedy will continue to enlighten, for his viewers, the full scope of human nature. The good, the bad, and all the indescribable-weirdness, in between.

But, back to my main point...    

With Logan Paul, it’s a very different story. I’d heard of him plenty, but had never actually watched his channel before all of this; because honestly, besides Felix and a few others, I don’t stay current with YouTubers, the way I once did. Though, ironically, after this whole disaster, I actually have developed a certain kind of respect for Logan as a creator; and it’s one, that I wouldn’t have had, otherwise.

That sounds horrible; but just hear me all-the-way out, okay? Please?

His previous content that I’ve, now, just checked out, trying to get a read on him; has been mostly funny-but-frivolous, classic-youth humor and drama. 

I found his personality to be a trite-but-interesting-enough, pesky-but-charismatic blend of unique and basic; that typical, early-20s-mixture of being part authentic, and part who you think you’re supposed to be, for popularity’s sake. Overall, my impression was that he was probably a decent-enough guy, but definitely still had lots of work to do, towards cultivating his full-identity.

Also, low-key, it became clear, pretty quickly, that he hadn’t yet been tested with real adversity in life. And, in practice, whenever you combine that inexperience with an oblivious, just-go-with-the-flow attitude, eventually you’re in for a rude awakening.

But, that’s just me being a hindsight-oracle. 

And I’m sorry, because that rarely helps.

Anyway, my point was, that Logan was definitely not my usual viewing-material.

Too much trendy-mainstream-consumerism; not enough peculiar, thought-provoking, or meaningful substance.

Until this.

Like it or not, this is a significant – yes, albeit a profoundly-intimate – moment, that he’s captured.

Carelessly and invasively, he captured this moment: yes. 

But, like for any journalist, even an unintentional one, is that not what it takes to capture the most awe-striking, and heart-wrenching of real moments? The moments that change our understanding, and our shared-humanity?

I think, it was not his conscious-intention to witness real death, even in the so-named ‘suicide forest,’ and because of that oversight-in-judgement and logical-preparation; his reaction was one of shock, and not one of sense.

But, after consideration, I feel that when he momentarily-shared that video with the world, it was, surely, not only for the views. 

I think he posted it, because once the cameras were finally off, he felt the power of that experience and he knew that witnessing such reality, had changed him, and thus, that it could change others. Though, how it would change them, he most likely did not fully comprehend until after he’d posted it.

Now, either way, I’m NOT saying that I endorse the choice he, originally, made. 

Posting that full, graphic video was always going to be damaging to many people. And whether he truly realized how vast the scope of that damage would be, before the public-outrage made it so-decidedly clear; that’s something only he knows, for sure. Regardless, he quickly removed the video, and stated his sincerest regrets for any pain that he caused. And I actually found him to be melancholy and heartfelt. His past hubris, seemed considerably diminished.

Nonetheless, if I’m being totally honest, whether this is why he posted it originally, or not, I believe it still remains true: it is within these intensely important, scary, solemn, palpable, unforeseen experiences, and all the weird ways that we honestly, humanly react to them; that we learn some of the most memorable lessons.

No, we should never knowingly seek to exploit others’ pain in order to learn, or to teach; but, when we haphazardly-happen upon that pain, and become a part of it, I believe not learning from it, would be the even-greater wrongdoing.

In this case, that meant watching-unfold, the aftermath of one of the saddest-actualities of life; as well as, concurrently, watching-unfold the realest experience of Logan Paul’s life, thus far.

Yes, 22 means he’s a man, and not a boy. But, in reality, at 22 the prefrontal cortex is still developing. And the full processing-spectrums of judgement-capacity, reflection and discretion, and rational-awareness in regard to the accumulation of significant-life-experiences, are all still developing.

For fuck’s sake, he said he’s never even seen (not just never found, or been near, but never seen) a dead body. That means he’s never been to an open-casket funeral yet, in his 22 years of living. Imagine that life-experience bubble. Then imagine, on top of that, you’re a semi-wealthy, (white) American youth, who doesn’t really respect or understand the deeper side of life yet, because you’re still just in that ‘live fast, have fun, do you, chase your dream’ mentality.

Inside of this, you can tell that he did not thoroughly grasp what that forest meant, before going there. And if that ignorance offends you, you are more than allowed to feel that way. 

Intellectually, it seems obvious that knowing the stories, and encountering the weight of their truth, are two, very different perspectives. But, sometimes this cannot be fully-understood, until a real-life experience shows you. 

A fact, that will hopefully never be lost on Logan, his friends, or any of us, again.

And that’s one reason, anyway; why I think sometimes, awful mistakes, like this video, need to happen. 

Of all the paths, in all the forest, they wound up there. From a semi-average ‘YouTuber-on-location’ stunt; to a legitimate test of character, for all of us.

I think, that what they were expecting, was an abstract-legend. They thought they’d have a regular camping trip, scare each other with ghost stories, and then add in some PSA, as an afterthought. What they got was a life-altering experience in true reality; one that they hadn’t wholly absorbed yet, while they were filming what we saw.

This is where it also, must, be understood, that for some people who experience this (discovering a deceased person), especially for those who have lived safely-sheltered lives, or for those who are used to employing emotional-compartmentalization; when they are suddenly faced with real, unfiltered death it can take quite a while for it to really, viscerally hit them.

This perplexing state, is metaphorically-comparable to a dazing-fog of surreality.

And the length of the adjustment-period, back to aware-acceptance, is defined by many things; including, whether or not that experience, has an audience, taking precedence over it.

Yet, this is one, vital reason, why the public forum exists: so, that we can see that we all deal with these difficult situations differently, and to learn to accept and not judge or hate that.

Yes, we may, unavoidably, feel as though they did not handle the situation respectfully. And those are absolutely valid feelings. But, how the guilt will find them later, and the good they may do because of it; we cannot, yet, know.

Yes, for some, the emotional-reaction is instantaneous. They cry. They scream. They pray. They beg. They just shut down. 

But, also yes, that other times, they keep on filming and then post, simply because that’s what they’ve always done, and they are still in the process of understanding the gravity of all that’s just changed. 

Though they feel it later, they still feel it deeply and truly.

There are SO many reactions, I could never list them all. 

This is the nature of death. And, it affects us each, differently.

But, when we’re faced with the unthinkable, I feel, we can either look away from what’s painful, and never fully see it; or we can accept the discomfort that comes with looking right at it, and learning from it all we can, in order to save others.

Because I can guarantee you, someone saw the harsh-reality, in that video; and it was the sobering wake-up call they needed, to no longer romanticize, or glamorize, or trivialize the idea of suicide.

Someone saw them reacting slowly, and casually, and not handling it perfectly; and finally stopped beating themselves up, for reacting the same way in a different-but-similar scenario.

And yes, unfortunately, given his young fan-base, there were also, assuredly, some morbidly-curious kids who were faced with their first, visceral dose of life-and-death reality. Whether that was a maturing-lesson or a scarring-trauma; again, will be subjective to the child. 

I, myself, experienced a very similar test while still in elementary school. And, though I did, consequently, have a great-many complicated feelings to work through; overall, it taught me some very crucial truths, about seeking out adult knowledge as a child. Truths, which would later, prove to save my life.

All in all, there are many interpretations, perspectives, and outcomes.

Negative, and positive. 

Things work out in as many ways, as there are people and possible choices.

And we don’t all feel the same, about what heals us and hurts us, when dealing with tragedy.

Plenty of people, feel that no matter how shocking your choice of how you talk about it is, that the most important thing is to express yourself truthfully and genuinely. And, what he posted was definitely-not sensitive or tactful: but, it was bravely, brutally, and transparently honest.

My final point, more than anything, is this: I feel that, as negative as the whole situation is (and this applies to almost-all other such ‘celebrities’ and ‘scandals’), adding more negativity, almost seemingly-trying to push Logan to the brink of the very-despair we’re all supposedly-fighting; this helps, literally, no one.

It, especially, doesn’t help the memory of the person whose life was lost.

Instead, we should all be honoring that person by learning their story, respecting their memory through not further-using them for our own agendas, and also, by associating with them a peaceful-event, where we choose to look at the full-spectrum of life’s volatile-truths; in order to finally love each other and ourselves a little more, and to treat each other and ourselves a little better.

So, let’s all be better people, right now; by finding a way to express our negative emotions, without casting excessive and divisive shame and hatred. Because, fundamentally, in their use, they undermine the very-worthy cause, we’re supposed to be defending.

We’re supposed to be, being kinder to each other, and to ourselves.

Kindness > Blame

Forgiveness is a virtue, to all. Always. 

Especially, when it’s challenging. 

So, no matter how obscure or famous the person: find a way to be kind.

This is how the most lives are saved, in the grander scheme.

Note: Though this is an open letter; its intention is to provoke contemplative silences, not angry responses. I hope that I portrayed the fact that I respect everybody’s right to their opinion, whether they agree or disagree with the opinions I’ve stated here. And though, it is my true hope, that one day we can all talk these things out rationally, rather than emotionally-reacting with wrath; ultimately, that’s a choice every person has to make for themselves. So, if you agree with what I’ve said: thank you. If you disagree with what I’ve said: thank you. And if you’ve fully-understood all I’ve said: double thank you. Seriously, I’m obviously a very long-winded, over-analytical, micro-editing, weird-stream-of-consciousness kind of writer. I’m sure to most people, this will read as confusing and all over the place. But, hey, that’s just my manifestation of truth. Thanks, friends. Be well.