#he's not gonna take the Maitlands last name

[b3t31g3us3]

Human Betelgeuse/Beetlejuice AU where he's a couple of years older than Lydia and is the foster child of the Maitlands.

I accidentally put most of my thoughts in the tags 🤦🏻

[saltymothball]

my unpopular takes on beetlejuice beetlejuice SPOILERS!! (long post)

(i am a fan of the original pls do not come for me) these are just my thoughts on the sequel :D please feel free to add yours too

context! im writing these notes as i watch so theyre a little disorganized

for reference i also rewatched the original immediately prior to the sequel

not opening with the classic beetlejuice muisic ?? even the stage show opens with that music where is it (EDIT- restarted it and it actually does open w the music, but it is much less fun/campy an and more of a spooky remix so i forgot)

its not plot necessary but i do wish we learned how BJ fixed his shrunken head and death by sandworm

where are the maitlands ???? 0 mention of adam and barbra at the beginning ?

BJ's ex wife intro was a very creative concept but i wish they did it with more sfx props and less cgi/green screen

Astrid is like very boring, theyve done nothing to get the audience (me) invested in her?? disney wish vibes like who is she

call it a headcanon i feel like lydia wouldnt be this fucking awkward of a parent ?? she had good role models ie adam and barbra (even if her own parents werent as active, by the end of the original movie it implied they were now living in a healthy family dynamic

the mother daughter drama feels really forced, reminds me of the out-of-place tension between wednesday and morticia in the 2023 show

all angles are super close up and feel like horror angles. the scene where astrid befriends that boy ?? felt like someone was gonna come up and kill them the ENTIRE interaction (edit i guess that makes sense but it nerfed the scene)

IMMEDIATELY knew his parents are dead btw. not showing their faces is so clearly they are dead. not an ounce of mystery. theory the boy might be a ghost too?

theory astrids dad isnt dead bc Lydia cant see him

the witching hour wrong ?? last i knew it was 3am not 12am. weird thing to get wrong

its like not a silly campy vibe ?? its like uncomfortable.

dont like lydias new man hes pushy and gross

i miss adam and barbra

it doesnt make sense that no one taking lydia seriously ? delia knows she can see ghosts and has also experienced beetlejuice

lydias fiance is a horrid excuse for a partner (how tf did she meet him like did he just walk in bc the plot needed another person to hate lydia

not the dead protester joke :(

the spill-your-guts/pregnancy felt really idk,,, icky??? dont know how to explain it but it uncomfortably long

follow up- a lot of the visual ghost gags felt very gross/gorey ? like in the original movie the gags were inbetween silly/sexual/spooky-but this one feels more like blood and guts instead of spiders and snakes. exhibit A) otho casually shoving corpse barbra out of the way when looking at the closet with delia / exhibit b) the guy with the cigarettes at the end of the original

theory that astrid is going to end up seeing ghosts by the end of the movie

love the "eeee!" noise BJ makes when people say his name

ok BJ with the guitar after lydia tells him off was legitimately funny

i know astrid is an angsty teen but my god she is so hostile towards lydia

calling it at 56mins the boys parents are SO dead bc they deliberately didnt have lydia meet them

listen i have nothing against jenna ortega but it feels like she is type-casted to play exactly one character now, like let the girl play something other than a monotone gothy teen

"they found a loophole and moved on" okay whatever that means

astrids awkwardness w this ghost boy is pretty cute. he is so definitely a ghost though

yup called it hes a ghost

"my mom was telling the truth... shit" lmao

this boy feels very sus bc why are you trying to bribe her w her father

still no info on how lydia and rory met ??

MURDER HOUSE ?? TH BOY IS A MURDERER ??? okay thats a good twist ill give them that

astrid going into the afterlife to see her dad feels very "lydia going to the afterlife to see her mom" plot from the stage show ?

astrid honey you have too much faith in this ghost boy

oh my fucking god delia did you really get poisonous snakes....so on brand for her

Beetlegeuse literally carrying the whole movie

every scene he's in is absolutely giving

william dafoe is pretty good too but adding him just feels like he is william dafoe and not the character hes playing (who is also an actor)

delia correcting herself from saying fuck is really funny like girl was that scripted

okay ok astrd seeing her dad working in immigration was pretty neat

i had actually forgotten abt BJs ex wife until now ? doesnt seem like she actually adds much to the story beyond giving BJ a new reason to pursue lydia... which he was already doing...?

are they all going to end up in the afterlfe wtf

the afterlife desert takes place on the fucking moon of saturn ?? okay

is it just me or is the sandworm not claymation... like maybe its just the way it looks but i swear it looks like they cgi'd it but then cut down the frame rate

damn lydias husband really got eaten by piranhas.. what a way to die oh my god

there was no real stakes to astrid switching her soul? they resolved that so fast like lydia just grabbed her and they ran

oh their husband/dad is back now everything is fixed...? like all that hate towards her mom is now gone bc her mom was telling the truth about seeing ghosts? dad just resolved the only conflict

beetlejuice didnt even help get astrid back he went on a pee break and the plot progressed

love bad cop william defoe

"are you filled with fear and trembling?" "yes im shitting my pants" absolutely gold

BJ on fetchquests this whole movie fr

the soul sucking lady please she ate bobs nametag :(

ok wtf they really solved ghost boy dilemma in 5 seconds, BJ ex machina... like he rlly just got him like that ??? anticlimactic

ok good astrid apologized for being a shitty kid

rory please stop kissing lydias neck

i kind of hate the modern nods like the self securing seatbelt in the priests car, or the influencers at the wedding, really weird unnecessary detail

BJ and Delia wedding crashers my fav

how did Beetlejuice get into the church ? if he is a demon like previously established, shouldnt he NOT be able to step on holy ground

enjoyed the slapstick moment of lydia punching rory, good moment

her red dress omg !! pretty

BJ himself is just too funny, making the priest sing top tier

i still miss adam and barbra :( if they can cgi that dead guy in star wars i think we couldve brought alec baldwin and geena davis who are in fact still very alive and look great

they really didnt make me interested in BJs ex wife other than she is pretty and looks like morticia addams ?

BJ making everybody partake in singing is very silly

everybody dancing at the wedding scene must have been fun to film, everybody looks like theyre jamming

lmao whos dog was that in the hallucinations ?? is that the dog who killed the maitlands

"ghoul squad" ok monster high

oh finally his ex is here

lydia so casually pushed out of the way lmao

why does BJ have more etherial powers than every other ghost?

offering rory to the soul sucking lady is so good

theyre really just gonna sandworm for the plot resolution again ???

his ex wife was a threat for all of 4 seconds

lol the legal marriage loophole was kinda funny

is delia like forever dead ? is she a ghost now? is beetlejuice dead?

i still love delia. "i will find charles and we will haunt you both" good for her

are the influencer wedding guests dead

everything got wrapped up very quickly

good on delia for still loving her husband even though that shark absolutely annihilated him

what ?? astrid is married now???

WHAT ??? SHES GIVING BIRTH ?????

oh ok its a dream

having a second pregnancy bit felt really weird

they alluded to another sequel :(

please remember i am actually a huge fan of beetlejuice !! no hate to the franchise these are just my personal opinions on the sequel. i would love to hear your thoughts as well !!

[obsessive-ego]

Talking in you sleep

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Reader says Beetlejuice's name 3 times in their sleep, but hes already in their home

Sfw

Idk been thinking about this for ages

Just a small fic

It was an accident

It was no secret to anyone that you talk in your sleep, not full sentences, just a word or two, nothing too abnormal, you didn't know about this little quirk of yours until a certain foul mouthed undead demon wormed his way into your life, he was the one who told you.

...

"Ya know you chatter on in your sleep?" He'd  chuckle as if he found something truly embarrassing to bug you about.

"How'd you know? Am I that loud you can hear me in the livingroom?"

"Nah, I watch you sleep" he said it so plainly as if it wasnt super creepy.

The ghoul eventually upped his late night habits from watching you sleep, to sleeping in the same bed as you, he did this so often you stopped setting up the couch for him and just accepted your fate to be spooned every night by a creepy old dead guy who you may or may not have a crush on

...

The nights you've babbled in your sleep always brought on annoying mornings of beetlejuice teasing you, probably lying through his teeth over how you moan his name in you sleep to get you worked up for his own amusement, unfortunately you couldnt prove you didnt since your dreams never really stuck with you long after waking.

Hell with your late night chatter you even manged to summon beej once in your sleep, a night he was spending over at the Deetz, you manged to say his name 3 times in a row, spoken, unbroken, in your sleep, and boy was your face red when you woke up and saw the bastard in question sitting inches from your face with the widest shit eating grin you've ever seen on his face, that was an instance you couldnt deny saying his name in your sleep and dreaming about him, you missed him, of course you think about the demon when you two are apart, even the few days he's with the Deetz and the maitlands.

Tonight wasnt one of those nights, beetlejuice has spent the entire day glued to your side, chatting your ear off about all the scares he and lydia pulled in your absence, his stories always made you smile, the way he practically glowed green with excitement as he retold his showmanship to you.

The night went on with bad jokes and fun stories as the demon filled you in on all the fun you missed while you were doing boring adult breather things and how the two of you should mess with some unlucky breathers so he could show you how amazing he truly was, as if you needed proof that the ghoul was a ham who loved to show off.

As the two of you sat on the couch laughing away, forgetting the movie that basically became White noise to your conversation, a yawn escapes your lips

"Getting tired babes? Am I really that boring" the ghoul teased pinching you cheek

You groan and pull away "well, yeah, unlike you mister freeloader, I worked all day" you shrug before letting out another yawn

"Freeloader? Oh sugar, your words hurt" the ghoul fakes hurt, giving you an over exaggerated gasped face, with his hands over where a person's heart would be "I thought we had the mutual understanding that I was your trophy husband"

You give the demon a soft laugh "you wish-"

"Every night baby~" he purrs pink stripes slowly appearing in his hair

You freeze, it wasnt uncommon for beetlejuice to openly flirt with you, but that doesnt mean it didnt make you freeze up everytime, you werent exactly the type people lined up to date, nor were you very popular growing up, so the sudden and intense attention the demon gave you always made your heart pound.

"Uh, um, I think I'm gonna head to bed" you stammer before getting up "night beej" you mumble before disappearing into your bedroom.

The demon stifles a laugh, god slash satan you were a delight to get worked up, not to mention easy. He loved it, his favourite little breather was always so hot when they were an embarrassed mess.

The ghoul decides to finish the movie the two of you had on in the background, before heading to bed with you, he didn't need to sleep, just enjoyed being snuggled up to that soft warm body of yours, and it was more rewarding to sneak in after you were out cold, bed would be already warm, and with the added thrill of not wanting to wake you.

As the credits roll beetlejuice snaps his fingers and tv goes dark, the ghoul raises from the couch and gives a yawn and a long stretch as if he was exhausted. The demon makes his way to your room, standing outside your door he pauses at the sound of your voice

"Beetlejuice"

It was soft, barely audible, but herd it, guess you were still up, beetlejuice phases through your bedroom door, to be greeted by your sleeping form.

He stifled a chuckle, you were dreaming of him, tomorrow was gonna be great, the ghoul was already busy thinking about ways to poke fun at this in the morning, moaning out his name in you sleep? What kind of dream were you having babes? He could see your face now.

"Beetlejuice" you mumble again in a whisper

"Whoa there babes, you know the rule, one more time and I'm out" he whispers making his way to your bed.

"Beetlejuice" you sigh

"Y/N!" was the the only thing he had time to shout before vanishing.

His shout was enough to make wake you, but not enough to clue you in to what you just did, you grumble out a swear before rolling over and going back to sleep.

The next morning you wake up, a tad confused to not have a snoring dead guy weighing you down, normally on nights beetlejuice would stay over he'd slip into bed with you after you've fallen asleep, using your chest as a pillow.

You dont think much of it at first, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee before getting dressed, you did notice there was no beej there either, waiting for you kettle to boil you give your little home a quick sweep for the demon, nothing.

He's vanished to do his own thing before, he was a grown man, sometimes he'd duck out and mess with the neighbors in your apartment complex, but he would at least leave you a note or something.

You started to worry, what if something awful happened to him? Then it clicked, lydia must had summoned him away to hang out, that had to be it, and with that thought all dread left you so you could carry on with your day, since bj wasnt around you took the opportunity to get a few odds and ends done.

The day drags on into the late evening, you were enjoying the peace as you catch up on some reading.

Your phone rings, looking at the screen you see its lydia, that's odd, she normally texts you if anything

"Hello?"

"Y/n I need to ask beetlejuice something"

"Isnt he with you?"

"What? No-"

Dread returns to you chest, you havent seen him since last night, he left no note, he wasnt with lydia, did something awful happen? was he bored with you? You felt like you were going to be sick

"Y/n?"

"I gotta go" was all you could say before hanging up,

"Beetlejuice!"

Nothing

"Beetlejuice!"

Again nothing, he normally came after the second yell, anxiety for your dear friend make you since to your stomach in fear for the worst, you steady yourself and take a deep breath and say it for a third time

"Beetlejuice"

With a puff of green smoke there stood the ghoul, unfortunately sporting a purple hue

"Bee-"

"It took you that long to notice I was gone?"

"No, I-"

"Why did it take so long then? Enjoying your time without me?!" Red streaks began to show up amongst the purple

"I thought lydia summoned you back-"

"And you waited till now to check?!"

"I DIDNT WANT TO BOTHER THE TWO OF YOU" you yelled back, beetlejuice is taken abck by your volume, you take a deep breath "if I knew why you were gone I would have said something sooner, what happened?" You say calmly gently taking the demon's hand, red now fading away, though the purple stayed

"You sent me away, you said my name 3 times in your sleep and sent me back to the netherworld" he refused to look at you as if you did this on purpose to mess with him.

"Bee, I'm sorry, I would have never done that on purpose, i- i love having you around, and I, god, i miss you when you're not here, with me" now it was your turn to refuse eye contact, admitting such a cheesy thing, you wanted to just die, not that it would help.

The purple hue is quick to leave the ghoul's form in replacement with a much softer pink, you missed him, music to his ears.

"Sugar" beetlejuice grabs your chin and forces eye contact

You give him a soft smile seeing that he was no longer purple, but also when he pulls you into a rather over exaggerated dip and sloppy kiss "so how bout we make up for some lost time and you can make this little misunderstanding up to me, what do you say babes?~"

You only stutter and choke on your words as the demon spins you around

"Would you like to scare some delivery guy and watch a bad slasher?" You finally get out

The demon pauses for a moment, as if to think about this offer.

"Normally I'd be delighted honey, but I think you owe me~ how bout you have to sit on my lap the entire film~" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at you, you swallow the lump in your throat, this was gonna be a long night

Bonus

The two of you were snuggled together on the couch, Beetlejuice's arms were around your waist, his head on your shoulder, your bum on his lap.

"So babes, whatever you dreaming about last night?"

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (5/23/2021)

Hi lovelies! I’ve been getting so many requests & I’m working hard to get all of them in the queue. Thanks for sending them my way! I’m writing to let you know that the queue is now full until the end of June. I was able to get every requests from my May 8th post in there except for a few. Requests from May 8th for captions featuring Katy Perry, Jenna Fischer, Marisol Nichols, Addison Rae, Ariana Grande, Erin Kellyman, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Jhene Aiko, & Kirstin Maldonado will be posted in early July.

But there have been an absolute ton of requests since then too, yay! So I’m listing all the requests that I haven’t gotten to below. If you made a request but don’t see it below that might be for a few reasons. 1) I’ve written it already and it will be posted in June. 2) It’s one of the requests I posted on May 8th so I won’t talk about it here. 3) I considered it a demand not a request (for example, I received two that said “Anything with,” that wasn’t really a request just telling me to do it. Sorry if this bothers some of you but it is an issue with me so make sure you word your requests AS requests). Either way, thanks for the love, lovelies! :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do one with either Kelley O’hara or Alex Morgan from the USWNT about a guy soccer player watching the US win the world cup and then want to be them or something like that?

I actually know who both those are (shockingly enough, I don’t really follow sports) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do lorengrey captions? She’s so hot

Sorry sweetie, don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

Hi I just had an idea for a game you could do. It could be where someone has to say as a boy what they’re like physically in stages. So first stage is hair color for example, second stage could be height, third stage could be body type, etc. An example would be if I was a black hair, short height, thick body type, I would match up with someone like Nicki Minaj. Just an idea which you could extend on. Hopefully it makes sense. I appreciate you!

I actually have a game like this mapped out called “Build a Sissy” where you choose age, hair color, and bra size, but it would take a LOT of work to make so I haven’t written it yet. Maybe some day though. :)

Anonymous said:

I would love to see a Tori Kelly caption. Her hair and body are not typical but beautiful for a white girl. I say that last sentence respectfully. I think having a caption with her would be great

Sure thing! Tori Kelly is a cutie. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok I'm not sure if u'll know these 2 cuz even I had to look them up for the names but anne dudek and maitland ward theyre the 2 blonde sisters from white chicks not sure if uve seen it but if u can could u make a caption for them please?

I DO know who they are! I’ve been thinking about doing a White Chicks caps because there’s a lot of cute looks in that movie (especially for Busy Phillips who I just love) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could u do Yvette nicole brown from community? Id like to see some big girl love

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

I already know that this request is probably gonna be a No but I still have to ask whats the ruling on GCI enhanced celebrities like Taylor swift from Cats?  Or is that too much like "Furry" stuff. Now I'm Feeling this will be a No for multiple reasons

So it is not an issue with CGI “enhanced” celebrities but for Cats it is because I do not have a Furry fetish and I get uncomfortable thinking about writing caps for it. But I write caps with “manips” all the time (photoshopped images of celebs) so I’m not ruling out CGI enhanced celebs all together.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one of Lindsey stirling? And for the story can it be a guy trying to learn Violin but he cant seem to focus he even tried hot female teachers but it didnt work then he gets a male teacher than he starts focusing and wanting to please the teacher he becomes a sissy sorry its a long request

Sounds fun, sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan and I think you’ve been doing amazing work. Is there anyway you could do a story about a guy who loses a bet to sorority girl and is forced to get his nails painted and turned into a girl? I love the idea of having a boys nails painted against his will. I’d love one with Selena Gomez but if you think another celeb would be better I leave that cumpletely to you.

Totally! This sounds fun. :D

Anonymous said:

Can you do thelma and Louise?

I’m assuming you mean Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon from Thelma & Louise so yes. Yes I can. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a caption from the movie bridesmaids? Like when theyre all trying on dressess or something?

I haven’t seen Bridesmaids (I know I know) but I can try something. :)

Anonymous said:

it would be super cool if you could do some more games! They’re my fav

Glad you like them! As long as I’m not on hiatus, games will be posted every second Saturday. I’ve already got two set for June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey huge fan of your recent work and super excited about new caps!! Do you think you could do one about a college guy who drops out in pursuit of being a stand up comedian, but the comedy club needs a female comic so they turn him into a girl? I was thinking maybe Nikki Glaser, she so funny and sexy. Thanks can’t wait to see all your new stuff!!

Oooo, Nikki Glaser is great. Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption about a guy who makes fun of curvy and thicc women, where the women get their revenge and turn the guy into Nia Jax?

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Hi Me again on the topic of the assembly line worker caption sequel if you do it i just an idea for the story like before depicting the sissies "first time"  but you can have it be that the coworker doesnt know and is telling everyone about the chick he slept with last night and the sissy is just thinking "if only they knew"idk i thought it was good anyways thank u again

So this message is in reference to a sequel caption that was requested & that I did write and will be posted in June. I’m sharing it here to let the anon know that I wrote the cap BEFORE I got this second request so there will be a followup but the story will be different. I hope that’s ok.

Anonymous said:

Hi idk if u watch wrestling or not I see u have some captions of wwe womens wrestlers but im not sure have far ur knowledge of it is? Could u do a caption of Rhea Ripley if u know her?

I have never seen a single episode of WWE, I do not watch wrestling, and yet somehow every time someone requests a wrestler I know who she is. Don’t ask me how because I do not know. Anyways, yeah I can do a Rhea Ripley one. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption about a janitor for sissy co. That finds out the strange goings on at work and tries to blow the whistle on the whole operation but is caught and turned into a sissy maid for the sissy co. Corporate office abit specific I know but ive been thinking on that awhile however u do it will be perfect thanks

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you do katheryn Hahn from wandavision specifically the 80s look with the Big hair and aerobics outfit

Oooo, sounds nice. I’ll type that up for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan of your caps!! Do you think you could do a cap where a football player wants to go to the NFL but gets hurt, so they turn him into a female commentator, maybe Lauren Rutledge? If you don’t know her, she’s been a college football reporter for awhile and was also a former Miss Florida. Anyways I just think any guy would be lucky to be turned into her and I love your caps keep up the great work!!

Me: *googles Lauren Rutledge to see if it’s who I’m thinking of* How do I know who this is? Anyways, yes I can write this. :)

...for some reason there are no GIFs of her though so I’m just gonna move on.

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm the one that requested the LONG list of celebs I'm still really sorry about that I didnt realize how many it actually was till I looked back so I wanna retract some for your sake tell ya what if you havent done any already just do the ones that are specifically marked (as in the ones detailed by movie or show theyre in) the ones that are just names you can leave out i knoe its still alot but hopefully that takes some weight off of ya sorry again

You don’t have to be sorry! Like I said, in the future I’d ask that folks limit requests to no more than 3 celebs at a time but you didn’t know that. I’d never said that before. I typed up every celebrity and they’re going to be sprinkled in during June. Hope you like them! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello ^^ I love your work. Can u make a caption with the name "jules" and Ariana Grande please? Thank you

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hey, not really an ask, but something I needed to share

I'm the one that asked for the Stephanie Beatriz caption from a whole back, and I absolutely loved how it turned out. Each time you roll out a new caption is like a small thrill to me and I read them right as they're released.

Now this wouldn't be an ask if I wasn't asking something, right? Well, next month sees the release of the "In the Heights" movie, and there's an opportunity there to do a series of captions using stephanie Beatriz from that same movie.

In conclusion, I love your captions so much, you're amazing!

Awww, this is such a sweet message. Thank you! And YAAASSSSS! Ever since the first trailer for In the Heights dropped I was like, “I must write a caption with her in this!” So you can imagine how fun it’s been waiting this entire time. *eye twitches*. We’ll have to wait until the movie comes out for me to be sure I can find a good image but this IS a caption I want to write. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi I just recently came across your blog and fell in love with it!! The caption with the football player being turned into Bella Thorne is one of my favorites!! I’d love so much if you could do a sequel or something to that cap it was so amazing and I need to know what else happens to “her”. I’m not sure if this is possible or if you even do sequels but this cap was great and I look forward to all the others!!!

Glad you like it! I’m always looking for sequel captions to write on Throwback Thursday so you’ll get this for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey big fan! Do you think you could do a caption where a short guy gets made fun of by all his girl friends for how short he is? Ariana Grande is fairly short and I think a caption of her (of age of course) would be awesome

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Can you do one with the bella twins as two guys who fought over the same girl then the girl turns them both into look alikes of her but then they start fighting over the same guy

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Do you know suzy berhow? Or angie Griffin? If so would love a caption of either of them please

Sorry sweetie, I don’t know who those are. :(

Anonymous said:

Would appreciate more Sia captions please when u get the chance

I will remember that. :)

Anonymous said:

Can make some Winnie Harlow caption please? I adore her style

Sorry lovely, I don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

How about instead of removing the captions with Demi in them ,the images of Demi were just replaced with another celeb and if Demi is mentioned by name in the caption then that could be edited  to mention a different celeb. I respect Demi's decision I do but lets not lose some well made captions. Also if you could please make a caption where Amy Adams feminises a fan and raises them as her daughter and Kristen Stewart makes you her submissive wife that would be appreciated. I'm a fan of them.

So about the Demi Lovato captions: I understand your feelings but I’m still going to delete the original captions. Because of how my captions are made I can’t just go back in & swap out an image or edit the text, I have to remake it from the ground up. I am hoping to do that with some (maybe all) of the Demi Lovato captions & re-publish them, but I’m still going to delete the originals.

I can do the Kristen Stewart one for sure and I’ll TRY to do the Amy Adams one I just am not 100% sure I can find a pic for that but we’ll see. :)

Anonymous said:

If it’s possible before your summer hiatus could you do a caption with Amanda Crew (silicon valley, sex drive)?

I will do one with Amanda Crew but I can’t commit to doing it before the hiatus.

About the hiatus: I don’t know when it’s going to be. I want to TRY to make it to at least July 18th because I have a specific game in mind I want to post for 5 years of Celebrity TG Captions games, but after that I have no idea. I’ve been writing caps for a longer stretch of time since normal since I’ve switched to a part-time blog so I might burn out at any second but for right now I’ve still got some juice.

[theserpentsnight]

Hi! I wanted to tell you that I really love your beetlebabes art <3 I’m really curious about your take on the characters, can you tell us more about your AU?

Thank you!! Im a sucker for powerful characters getting wrapped around the finger of some normie lmao

Okay okay so I've only seen the movie once when I was like 11, and haven't gotten around to rewatching it, but I remember Betelgeuse's nature/motive being more of a mystery at first? I like good old fashion demons with Rules and Deals and True Names. In my AU, Betelgeuse has made a lot of trouble by making deals with ghosts and taking their souls (basically all those background dancers are ghosts who are contractually bound to him lmao), then using them to get living people to summon him, before he either gets banished again, makes a deal, or kills them.

It becomes such a problem that Juno decides to play his game and make a Wager. She gets to pick a recently departed spirit, and Betelgeuse has to train them to haunt their place of death. He can't help outside of teaching them how to scare; the spirit has to do the actual haunting all by themself. If he wins, he will be free to enter the living world whenever he wants, without needing to be summoned. If he loses, his contracts will be destroyed, and he will be bound to the spirit's place of death alongside them.

He accepts, thinking this is going to be the easiest thing in the world. He's already trained so many ghosts how to scare, its his whole thing!

And then Juno picks the Maitlands.

He was excited for all of two seconds, thinking Juno lost her mind giving him TWO ghosts to work with, but that excitement is quickly and brutally extinguished because my version of the Maitlands are exactly like they are in the musical.

He manages to last almost two weeks before they drive him fucking crazy, and he gives up. He meets up with Juno on the roof and tries to complain that picking these two wasn't fair, yada yada, but she's having none of it. As agreed, all his contracts are destroyed, freeing the ghosts who are bound to him (notice how after the Invisible Reprise he doesn't have background dancers anymore until the wedding??), and he can't leave the house. He is BaNiShEd! DiSaVoWeD! And its going to be really fucking hard to get back to where he was before when the only ghosts he has are the goddamn Maitlands.

Then the Deetz finally move in, and he meets Lydia. A 16 yr old goth girl writing a suicide note- who can SEE him. Their first meeting goes almost exactly the same as canon, except Lydia jumps afterwards, still very much suicidal and believing that the Maitlands are unable to make her dad see them.

Barbara's ghosty powers kick in right on time, and she levitates Lydia back to safety. Cue the gushy ass scene that keeps me awake at night, where the Maitlands tell Lydia she doesn't have to do things alone, she can rely on other people, they aren't going to give up on helping her after only one failed attempt :') New Parental Figures Acquired.

Then they fail again and Lydia can't deal. She summons Betelgeuse!

Now to the part that you actually asked about, which was my take on Lydia and Betelgeuse's dynamic sjslkdlsjs. When he first met her on the roof, he was just gonna kill her or steal her soul after being summoned, but in the five minutes they spoke he went from looking down on her, to seeing her as a challenge, then to downright respect by the time she pushed him off the roof lmao. Even at her most vulnerable emotional state she doesn't let herself get pushed around, and even takes the time to actively fuck with him. Mad respect.

Lydia has dealt with enough predators to recognize the glint in his eye right off the bat. She enjoys taking some of her anger out on him, since he clearly needs something from her and won't be properly retaliating. When the dinner party thing happens, she figures she was going to kill herself anyways, what more could a demon possibly do?

At this point Betelgeuse is just delighted. As an immortal, boredom and being trapped are two of his worst nightmares, and this girl just handed him some freedom and goddammit she's interesting. Most people would cower when a demon shows their true form in the middle of the living room, but she just ran up to him and told her dad "this is what you get!" Like bitch! He's sold! He wants to hang out with this fucked up breather.

Okay summary time because I could Go On. Betelgeuse wants to be needed, he wants people who can't leave him, and he wants to be free to do whatever he likes. Lydia needs him, but she also seems to genuinely like him, which isn't really a thing he's used to. Suddenly he feels the need to constantly impress her, he loves making her laugh, he loves listening to her talk about weirdo shit, and he loves how she isn’t as uptight as other breathers are about him doing things like- summoning snakes out of a pizza box and having them maul the face of the delivery guy.

Lydia just wants to be seen and accepted for who she is, and someone she can rely on when things are hard. Betelgeuse is literally the only person in the five years since her mom died (yeah in my AU its been 5 yrs not 6 months) who she has been able to rely on to keep her physically safe. Who has no issue with her talking about weird/gross things, and who actively encourages her to let out her emotions instead of keeping them pent up.

But this sudden release of all the anger, pain and frustration she’s kept inside her is what leads to this new, crueler attitude she picked up. She laughs at Betelgeuse chasing a child with a fake disembodied head, laughs at the pizza guy writhing with snakes biting his face, and mockingly joins the dance of the three possessed people because she is just... dissociating. And why should she care about other ppl’s pain anyway, when they ignored hers all this time? She rides the power high of having a demon enamored with her, backing up her anger with literal fire. It’s extremely self-destructive and unhealthy! :)

[foolurfriendsfunatparties]

Could you do something where Dewey (or Beej too if you want) gets a puppy? Maybe as a gift from their S.O.?? I would love to see that interaction.

More dog fics! I love that so much! Thank you for the request, sorry for the wait. Life happens.

Reblog, Like, follow??? *u don't have to but it would be appreciated*

Also please request as many Beetlejuice fics as u want!

《Dewey》

Your birthday had been very small but you couldn't have had it any other way. First your family took you out to get breakfast and you spent the rest of the day with your boyfriend Dewey. This was the time of COVID-19 so it wasn’t like you could do a lot anyways so what your family had given you was perfect. Nothing could make this day better than it already was.

“So I know you’re already presented out but,” Dewey had a happy glint to his eye as you looked at him a little red. You weren’t the best at accepting gifts, you hated doing it in front of a crowd. “I’ve got just one more little surprise for you!” Dewey reached into his pocket to find the keys to his apartment.

“Dewey!” you groaned tugging on his sleeve. “Why do you do this to me?!”

“Because I love you babe!” He said offended, like why would you even ask that?! You already knew the answer. He was so nervous that just opening the front door was a hassle due to how fast his heart was beating. Finally he got his wits together as the door finally opened. You slowly walked in not knowing what to expect until you heard a loud howl.

“You didn’t!” Your head whipped to see a smug Dewey leaning against the doorframe.

“Oh but I did.” You turned your head back to see the cutest Cavipoo come running down the hall with a bow around its neck.

“My heart!” You melted at the sight of the little dog. “Is it a boy or girl?”

“He’s a boy.” You took in his features as he started to jump on your leg. “What’s his name?”

“I’m gonna name him Bernie!” You beamed petting Bernie.

“After Bernie Taupin?” Dewey sat down with you and the puppy smiling happily at how well his present went over with you.

“Of course! Why else?” You said as Dewey placed his arm over your shoulder giving your temple a sweet kiss.

“Nothing, it’s perfect.” 

《Beetlejuice》

I’m a bit tired so I’m gonna do a head canon for BJ

-Without a doubt the kind of dog BJ would get you would be some dead little doggie (Think of scraps from corpse bride)

-At first you were a little hesitant at the gift because, well um

-”Is this apology for killing my last dog?” You said unimpressed as Beej’s smile never faltered.

-”I thought a little kind gesture would go well with you.” He set the dog down as the little creature came running over to you. “Maybe I need to up the ante.” He said slowly circling you as he suggestively started to take his coat off.

-”Nope that will be all,” You started to shove the ghost with the most out the door as he laughed at your rejection. “Good night.” You slammed the door and went back to the dog. A small smile crept onto your face. “You’re kinda cute.” The dog wagged his bony tail in excitement as you helped him onto your bed. “We’ll name you Sandy!”

-Beetlejuice would not be very happy with 1. The name choice and 2. How much attention you pay to the dog and not him.

-”Uh hello?! Please tell me I’m not invisible again?!” He started to panic as you laugh.

-”You're fine, just not as cute.” That was his last straw.

-”Okay I’m gonna give the dog to the maitland’s, they never had a child anyway.”

[beetlelands]

im just gonna post some of these back to back bc why not. this draft is from october 2019 and is aptly titled “ruh roh ghost lad." but this is the one where beej gets stuck as a ghost in the maitland-deetz house

-

-

With a poof, Beetlejuice was on the roof of the Maitland-Deetz house. He groaned, opening his eyes. “Where am I?” He questioned quietly, looking around the area. He was quick to recognize his destination. “Wait what no, how did I get here? God/Satan please send me back,” he muttered to himself. He tried his best to teleport himself away, but he couldn’t go anywhere. He tried to fly away but ended up on Saturn so he was quick to fly back to the roof.

Beetlejuice sunk down to his knees, begging to god/satan- or perhaps the person who sent him there in the first place.

“Dammit!” he shouted in frustration, slamming his hand down on the tiling of the roof.

He heard the window begin to rattle as it was being opened. Muttering a string of curses to himself, Beetlejuice teleported himself to the other side of the roof, hiding. He heard the familiar voice of Barbara Maitland say “I told you there’s nothing out here honey, stop being so paranoid.” With that the window shut once more.

Beetlejuice sighed, slumping down the side of the chimney. He was trapped in the plane of the Maitland/Deetz house. The place he was killed- not that he was still salty about that or anything. He refused to believe he was a simple ghost. He was still a demon- he had to be- maybe he was just trapped.

That’s when an idea struck him- he needed to see Lydia. If she said his name three times, he could return to the living plane like before. Sure, it might be hard to get her to say his name, but the two of them were BFFFFs forever. She had to help him, it was his only choice. He needed to get out of there and Lydia was his ticket home.

Begrudgingly, Beetlejuice floated down to Lydia’s room. The blinds were closed, so he knocked on the window. When she opened the blinds, he was out of sight. He phased through the wall and took a seat at the end of the bed. Beetlejuice watched as the girl narrowed her eyes, peering out the window. “Must’ve been a bird,” she shrugged before turning around to see none other than Lawrence Beetlejuice Shoggoth.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh c’mon Lyds, I know you missed me.” Beetlejuice teased, but the girl merely rolled her eyes, giving him a stern look. “Fine, I missed you- no okay even I didn’t believe that.”

She couldn’t help but smile a little at that, “You love me, don’t try to deny it.” The demon pretended to throw up, which caused Lydia to laugh but she was quick to stop herself. She regained the same serious tone she had earlier, “You know my family isn’t going to want you here.”

“But do you?” He asked, earning a confused look in return. “Lydia, do you want me to leave?”

“I don’t know, Beej. If I say, yes will you go?” The teen asked playfully.

“Nope! But get this- I won’t leave, because I can’t.”

“Wait what?” Lydia’s smug expression fell.

“I am trapped here just like dear old Adam and Barbara. You may wonder ‘how?’ and to that I say- I don't know! But I have an idea on how I might be able to leave, and that involves you, scarecrow. I need you to say my name three times and maybe, just maybe, I can get out of here.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Well then, we just have to test it to find out.”

“Beetlejuice,” the demon clenched his fists in anticipation. “Beetlejuice,” he closed his eyes, preparing himself. “Beetlejuice,” Lydia finished off, watching intently to see what would happen.

The bio-exorcist stayed quiet for a little bit before opening one eye to examine if anything had happened. Groaning, he opened his other eye. “I don’t feel any different.” He tried using his demonic powers but nothing happened, well there were a bit of sparks (which caused Lydia to giggle a little at his failure). He tried teleporting but that was to no avail. “I don’t have my demon powers. I’m… not a demon.” Lydia was understandably shocked. For as long as she knew Beetlejuice he was a demon, she couldn’t even picture him as anything else. “I’m a ghost, Lydia! A fucking ghost!” He shouted angrily, slamming his fist down on her bed post. She shushed him, causing him to take a few deep breaths, “Okay, sorry, sorry. Gotta keep quiet so the fam doesn’t find me, I know.”

Lydia scrunched her nose in disgust at the word ‘fam’ but knew that wasn’t nearly as important as what Beetlejuice just revealed about himself. “How can you no longer be a demon? Is that even possible? And you said you’re trapped here? In that case, it doesn’t matter if you’re quiet or not. It’s not like you can hide forever. Plus, maybe Adam and Barbara can help get you back to normal. Is there a way to get you back to normal? What if-”

The ex-demon placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, causing her to look up at him. “I’ll be honest with you, I zoned out until you said Adam.”

The girl pushed his hand off her shoulder, “This is serious Beej. What if you’re trapped here forever like the Maitlands?”

“Then I’m trapped here forever with the Maitlands” he smirked.

Lydia scoffed, rolling her eyes. “There’s gotta be some reason you’re like this, and there has to be some way to get you back to the way you were.” Beetlejuice nodded in agreement. “First step to figuring this all out is to let everyone know what’s happening.”

She motioned for him to follow her. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Nope but it’s all we got.” She shrugged and he copied the action.

Beetlejuice put his hand on the door before she could open it. “Okay but what if we prank them?”

“You know I’m always down to spook my family, but they’re not gonna be happy that you’re here to begin with. So we should take things easy, don’t overwhelm them, y’know?” He groaned and muttered complaints under his breath as he moved his hand from the door.

Lydia led Beetlejuice downstairs. No one was in the living room, so she loudly screamed for a family meeting.

Charles bolted into the room, Delia excitedly following him. The Maitlands sank down from the ceiling, clearly stressed by the teen’s yelling.

“I can’t believe you called a family meeting, Lydia!” Delia said cheerfully, not noticing the ex-demon standing behind Lydia.

“Get away from her” Charles commanded, glaring angrily at Beetlejuice. Sure, they didn’t leave off on a bad foot, but he was not going to let history repeat itself. Delia flinched at his shouting before seeing who he was talking to.

“Oh c’mon, Chuck. Aren’t you happy to see your son-in-law?” Beej teased, earning death glares from all of the adults in the room. “Too soon?” He asked, feigning innocence. Lydia laughed at the inappropriate joke. “See this guy gets it” Beetlejuice smiled, nudging the teen.

Delia placed a hand on Charles’ arm, a silent plea for him to remain calm. Adam placed his arm out in front of Barbara. She looked to him and he shook his head. With a sigh, she backed down, holding onto her husband’s hand for her emotional stability.

“Beetlejuice is trapped here as a ghost like Barbara and Adam.” Lydia states, breaking the tension in the room. Confusion was plastered on the adults’ features.

“How?” Adam asked slowly, hesitantly.

“Good question, really good question. However, we don’t have a really good answer.” Beetlejuice verbally danced around the answer.

“What does that mean?” Charles furrowed his eyebrows.

“He doesn’t know how this all happened.” The teen clarified with a shrug. “I thought that maybe my resident ghost parents could help us figure out what happened to him.”

Barbara narrowed her eyes at the ex-demon, not buying his act. Adam, however, smiled softly and said, “Of course we’ll help, Lydia.”

“If you’re staying here, we’re gonna need to lay down some ground rules.” Charles stated, eyes locked on Beetlejuice.

He met his eyes with an almost wicked smile, “Of course, Chuck.”

Lydia groaned dramatically, “it’s not like he can do much. He’s a ghost now, not a demon.”

“Ghosts need boundaries too” Barbara retorted.

“I think the most obvious rule is that you cannot marry Lydia again.” Delia said, earning nods from the adults in the room.

Beetlejuice groaned, “how many times do I have to say that it was a green card thing!?! Even I’m not creepy enough to actually try to marry Lydia. She’s like 3!”

“I’m almost 16, Beej.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly you’re 3. Now quiet down tot, the grown ups are talking.” He teased. She stuck her tongue out at him and he stuck his out at her.

“You’re not one to talk about age Beetlejuice. You may be extremely old, but you’re less mature than Lydia.” Charles spoke snidely. Both the ex-demon and his daughter seemed offended by the statement.

“Rule number two: no pranks.” Adam spoke up, trying to change the subject.

“What? That’s not fair!” Beej protested at the same time Lydia asked “Have you met us?”

“The last time you two pulled pranks, you scared people to the point that the passed out!” Barbara explained.

“Just because a couple of cowards couldn’t take a scare, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be able to prank. Plus, That Beautiful Sound was a whole bop and our dance sequence was phenomenal.” Beetlejuice said defensively. Everyone except for Lydia gave him a confused look.

“Please don’t take away our pranks! We’ll tone them down, I promise.” Lydia bartered, giving both sets of parents puppy dog eyes.

Adam cracked first, then Delia, then Barbara. Charles didn’t crack until, with a frown, she muttered a quiet “please dad.”

“Okay fine. Rule number two is no big pranks. Just try not to do anything that will put yourself or others into harm’s way.” Charles amended.

“Rule three: don’t physically harass us, Beetlejuice.” Barbara said, crossing her arms sternly.

“Define physically harass…” BJ said furrowing his brows.

“Don’t grope or touch either of us inappropriately, don’t kiss us, and don’t make inappropriate jokes at our expense. I’m not just gonna take it this time.” Barbara said. Maitlands 2.0!

“Fair enough, Babs. But don’t pretend you didn’t like it.” He joked, earning the most terrifying look from Barbara. “Okay okay sorry, I was just kidding.”

Adam lightly rubbed his thumb in circles on Barbara’s hand, causing her to relax and saving Beetlejuice from her wrath.

“Rule four: no lashing out. In this house we try to maintain a calming aura, all matters can be solved through (calm) communication.” Delia smiled. Beetlejuice resisted to roll his eyes.

“I’d say the final rule is to not go into anyone’s bedroom unless you’re invited in. Snooping or just disturbing the peace is highly frowned upon, so just watch yourself. If any more rules are to be added in the future, you are expected to follow them as well.” Charles concluded.

“As you wish, Chuckles.” Beej said with a posh accent, bowing dramatically. Lydia giggled at his antics, but as usual, she was the only one to appreciate his jokes.

“We will leave you to figure out how all of this happened.” Delia stated with a soft smile, she lead Charles out of the room, and motioning for Lydia to follow. Hesitantly, she did. She mouthed to BJ that she’d be back in a bit.

“I don’t believe you.” Barbara said as soon as she heard the door down the hall close.

“What? What’s there to not believe? Wouldn’t you think I’d prefer to leave than stay somewhere where I’m clearly not wanted?”

“Well you weren’t exactly wanted the first time-“ Adam started, but was cut off by the ex-demon.

“I was selfish then. Goal oriented, if you will. I just wanted to be alive! But I’ve been down that track and seems like life just wasn’t meant for me. But here we are now, and I’m trapped with my killers.”

“Lydia is the one who stabbed you with bad art.” Adam stayed matter-of-factly.

“But you convinced me I was wanted. You kissed me.” He accused Adam. “And you flirted with me.” He pointed at Barbara. “You played to my senses to emotionally manipulate me! And you think I’m here by choice?”

Barbara frowned. He had left so confidently. There didn’t seem to be any hard feelings. But here they were. “Beetlejuice, I believe that you’re stuck here. I just meant that I didn’t believe you were telling the whole truth. But I’m sorry for what we did, we just wanted what was best for Lydia and that seemed like the only option.”

Beej took a breath, remembering Delia’s dumb rule. “What do you mean by you don’t believe I’m telling the whole truth?”

“You have to know how you got here.” Barbara said.

“Okay yeah fair enough. I’m pretty sure I know how and why I’m here but not how I can leave.”

“Wh- it was just that easy?” Adam asked. “All Barbara had to do was call you out?”

“The netherworld is full of paperwork

-

-

and again, an abrupt ending! because past me sucked <3

[alchemeiarchive]

A CROWN FOR LUCY FRONTMAN DYLAN MATHERS CATCHES UP WITH ANDY MAITLAND TO TALK ALBUM PRODUCTION, FLORISTRY, AND JUST WHO THE FUCK IS LUCY?

For someone who is a self-proclaimed ‘spotlight avoiderer’, Dylan Mathers is doing a wonderful job of handling the new attention being thrust his way.          ‘I never wanted to be a frontman,’ he tells me over coffee at his local. ‘But I guess that’s just kind of how the pieces fell.’ Lead singer, guitarist, and main lyricist for newcomer A CROWN FOR LUCY, Mathers has had a lot on his schedule penning the band’s debut release and preparing for their first headlining tour. He’s gracious enough to remind me of the hard work his fellow band member put in when I mention this, and I’m once again reminded of how put together he seems. We last met hot off the heels of the band’s supersonic rise in popularity, and both times I’m struck at his modesty. It/s no wonder the band has positioned him to be the frontman - he has the marketable good looks and the talent, but he’s never willing to overshadow the other members.          ‘Lucy has never been a one-man-show,’ he says. ‘Never has been. I’d be nothing without the guys.’ The guys are of course bassist Miriam Fasil, drummer Rupert Faulks, and rhythm guitarist Allison  Ishikawa. A group of people who met whilst in detention, the comparisons to both The Breakfast Club, and the DCOM Lemonade Mouth are plentiful and unavoidable.          ‘It’s not like we were fucking around cleaning and suddenly realized we were jamming,’ Mathers is quick to clarify. ‘It was more like a gradual realization and acknowledgement. I think Ali wore a shirt Miri and I commented on, and Rupe later mentioned something about a new kick drum he had to get. But we didn’t, like, put it all together for a while afterwards. It took us following each other on TikTok to see the potential.’          And TikTok is, indeed, what has helped their career. It was thanks to a series of videos in which they created short songs based on followers comments and suggestions that really propelled them into the stratosphere.          ‘We got a comment that used the word bardolatry and it just kinda of ... stemmed from there. We posted it and the next day my sister called me saying it had blown up. She was like ‘Fuck, I should have got your signatures for eBay.’          Making songs from random words found in their comments does seem on-brand for the singer-songwrier - not only is his mother a high school English teacher; he shares his name with a famous poet. ‘Dylan Thomas, yeah,’ he nods. ‘The ‘do not go fearful into that good night’ guy. Mom was reading him when she went into labor with me, I’m pretty sure.’          It’s insights like this that make one think Mathers and the band are open and public about themselves - after all, they found fame through a social media app. But then I remember that the insights given are curated in such a way that, whilst they seem open, don’t divulge too much. We still don’t know the true origins of the band’s name, though many have asked - myself included. Is it a Narnia reference? A Beatles reference? A Xena: Warrior Princess reference somehow? They stay tight-lipped about it, smiling knowingly. As their audience, we can know the color of their bedroom walls, but not, who LUCY is.          Still, we will take any and all insights we can. I ask him how the debut is going, and if he’s excited for the upcoming tour. ‘Real nice,’ he replies, a fervent glint in his eyes. ‘I think it’s gonna be something people’ll really like. Or maybe not, you know. Music’s subjective an’ shit. You like what you like and you don’t what you don’t. If you like it, fuckin’ great. If you don’t - that’s cool too, and I hope you find something you vibe with.’ He takes a moment to talk about how so many people base their opinions using other people’s as a metric, which almost always skews their own in a certain direction. I ask again about the tour. Their first headlining tour, with their own opening act.           ‘Absolutely nuts,’ Mathers says with a nod of his head. ‘If you’d asked me a year ago what I’d be doing, I would’ve said helping Dad with his floristry business. Miri was gonna go into Medicine. I still don’t think her parents have quite got over her telling them she’s not going to Med school and instead gonna see how this band thing’ll pan out.’ He grins. ‘And we’ve got an opening act! For me, that was like ‘oh, yeah, I think we might be something here.’ I’ve been a fan of their for a little bit so it took me by surprise when we found out. It’s gonna be great. I think people‘ll really enjoy it. I know we will.’

TICKETS FOR THE BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS TOUR GO ON SALE APRIL 15TH.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

chasing pegasus (part two)

part one

[horse racing au]

tw: there’s some discussions of unhealthy dieting in this one, so watch out!

------------------------------------------------------

a lap around the yard

The Trainer

Four days later, the sound of hoofsteps came crunching up the driveway of the Netherworld. It was a wet, early morning, the sun not even up yet. Animals were still asleep, as were Barbara and Adam- not even Lydia had showed up for work.

And yet, there were hoofsteps coming from the street.

It had taken little persuasion to convince Presley Lind’s parents into allowing Beetlejuice to be her new trainer once they found out he was associated with the Maitland’s. Their bored expressions lit up instantly, and Beetlejuice easily saw the greed shining inside of their eyes. He had managed to bite back a laugh in the moment, not wanting to ruin this opportunity.

As a child, horses were Beetlejuice’s entire world. Despite his mother working in politics, he lived on a farm, where the plains rolled out to him every morning like green carpets and the air was fresh and clean. There was so much space, and absolutely nothing to fill it.

Lawrence “Beetlejuice” Shoggoth longed for a pony of his own more than anything. Almost every day, he would watch the neighbors ride around on their horses, practically radiating smugness like, “Hahaha! Look at us! We got horses and you don’t! Hahaha!”

He tried to get a horse. Every single Christmas, every single birthday, he would ask his mother for a pony of his own. And every single time he was shot down. She would say that his wonder towards the animals was just a “phase,” that he would lose interest in the beast and leave her to take care of it, but Beetlejuice knew the real reason she said no was because she didn’t like when he got anything he wanted.

It wasn’t until he was seventeen that he finally got the horse he had been dreaming about.

She was a little black-and-white thoroughbred filly that Beetlejuice nursed himself after her mother was killed by a pack of hungry coyotes. His mother had been furious when he carried the foal into the house that dark evening, but he managed to convince her into letting him keep the animal, as long as he paid for everything and didn’t come running to her when he needed help. He was ecstatic.

That little black-and-white thoroughbred filly was the same large black-and-white thoroughbred mare standing beside him at five-thirty in the morning before the sun had even risen, waiting for their pupils.

Sandy, aka It’s Showtime, was the highlight of Beetlejuice’s life. She was fast, full of energy, and had more of a personality than most people Beetlejuice had met. She was everything he dreamed about and more. He didn’t know what he would do without her.  

 “Good morning, student!” Beetlejuice greeted Presley animatedly when she finally finished her walk down the driveway. Strangely enough, she wasn’t riding her horse, instead guiding him by a halter. She didn’t seem to have been on his back at all that morning, deciding to make the whole trip on foot.

 “Good morning, Mr. Shoggoth,” Presley greeted back. In the faint glow from the light attached to the wall of the nearby barn, he saw that she was dressed in a soft-looking flannel, a tank top underneath that, leggings, and boots. Her helmet and goggles were hanging from the side of her saddle. She had her crop with her and she kept fidgeting with it as some sort of nervous tic.

Beetlejuice couldn’t help but laugh at her insistence in formality. She truly was the epitome of a Southern Belle, even up in Connecticut.

 “You can call me Beetlejuice, kiddo, it’s okay.”

Presley wrinkled her nose, but nodded anyway. Beetlejuice was sure that was going to last for maybe an hour, and then she would be back to referring to him like he was the president of the United States or something.

 “So, are you ready for our first day of training?” Beetlejuice asked, hoping he didn’t sound too much like an excited child on Christmas. He had been waiting for the perfect protégé for what felt like forever and he finally found someone who showed real promise. He couldn’t wait to teach her about everything he knew.

 “Yes, sir!” Presley answered. She matched his energy, so Beetlejuice decided to ignore the fact that she replied to him like he was a drill sergeant and she was a wannabe soldier preparing for war.

 “That’s what I like to hear!” Beetlejuice clapped her on the back. “Let’s get out to the track.”

--- --- ---

The first hour and a half, they didn’t even touch the horses.

Sandy and Presley’s stallion, a scraggly grey thoroughbred stallion named Peril, were put into the carousel to get their muscles warmed up for later riding--

--except Peril attempted to physically fight the equipment the moment it turned on and tried to guide him around the circle, which he did not like at all. Beetlejuice and Presley both had to rush to calm him down before he could break something or hurt himself or worse: wake up Barbara. After a few moments of resistance, he finally gave into the tug of the machine and relented to following its pull.

By the time the sun had finally come up, Presley was soaked in a fine layer of sweat. They spent those first few hours exercising; or, rather, Presley was exercising. Beetlejuice watched over her with a hose at the ready if he caught her slacking off.

Being a jockey was a lot harder than anyone initially thought. Despite being small in stature, easily half the size of any NFL player most of the time, they were required to guide twelve hundred pounds of pure flesh and muscle at speeds of up to forty miles per hour. Strength was needed to stay on the backs of the sprinting beasts, hence why the training regimen for jockeys were so intense.

After the initial stretches, Beetlejuice had Presley do a myriad of exercises- squats, lunges, jumping lunges, flutter kicks, bear crawls, burpees, and one-leg deadlifts, and even after finishing all of that she still wasn’t done. He told her to run a mile around the track, and she went without complaining.

 “Lawrence, you better not be killing our jockey. We just got her.”

A voice like a songbird’s sweet chirping broke through the silence of the morning. Beetlejuice turned to see Barbara and Adam walking over, both of them smiling. He perked up.

By then, the sun had come up, bathing the Netherworld in soft golden rays. Horses emerged from the stables, moseying out into the pasture to graze, though some of them stopped to peer curiously at Peril. He and Sandy were mulling in a nearby holding pen after they finished their own exercise on the carousel. When Peril caught the stares he was getting from the other horses, he lifted his head, grass hanging from his mouth, and flicked his ears at them in some kind of silent, equine gesture, then went back to eating.

 “I’m not!” Beetlejuice said, laughing. “She’s fine. Doing great, actually!”

With impeccable comedic timing, Presley skidded to a halt at the fencing in front of them, kicking up a plume of dirt, which only furthered to dirty her even more than she already was: head-to-toe, she was completely covered in silt from the track, turning her pale skin a faint orangey color. It effectively stuck to the sweat already coating her body, making her look like she had tried to test the dust baths the horses sometimes took.

She raised her head, face red from exertion and orange-brown from dirt, and squinted through the morning sun at Barbara and Adam.

 “Good morning, Mrs. Maitland. Good morning, Mr. Maitland,” She greeted the couple with her trademarked politeness, even as she was doubled over and heaving her breaths.

 “Morning, Presley,” Adam said.

 “Good morning, dear. How are you?” Barbara asked.

 “Good,” Presley answered. “You?”

 “I’m doing very well.”

Presley nodded. She shook herself out, though it did little to remove the dirt clinging to her frame, then stood up straight, hands pressed against her lower back like she was trying to pop her spine.

 “BJ isn’t working you too hard, is he?” Adam asked, looking at her, then squinting at Beetlejuice in playful suspiciousness.

 “No, sir,” Presley answered. “I’m okay.” She dragged her feet through the dirt, brewing up another storm around her, as she walked over to the fence and braced herself against the wood.

 “Rude,” Beetlejuice poked Adam in the ribs. “You’re acting like I’m gonna torture her or something! I’m a great teacher! Right, kid?”

 “I got sand in my boots,” Presley said distractedly, kicking the heel of one of her musty boots against a small rock.

 “See!” Beetlejuice said, and Adam and Barbara laughed.

 “Before you continue your teachings, I want you both to eat breakfast,” Barbara said, for all the world sounding like a mother to a soccer team. She looked at Presley. “Do you like danishes?”

 “Oh, uhh,” Presley shuffled her feet awkwardly, then scrunched her face up like a disturbed bunny when the sand must have scratched around in her boots. “I don’t eat breakfast.”

Barbara and Adam stared at her. She blinked back at them, then glanced up at Beetlejuice with a worried expression that said, “Did I do something wrong?”

 “Ever?” Adam asked.

 “No,” Presley shook her head. “Sometimes I’ll have a shake. Maybe an apple. That’s usually it, though.”

 “Honey, you have to eat,” Barbara said, sounding concerned.

 “I’m on a diet,” Presley said back, as if that justified her skipping meals all the time. “It’s kinda strict, so…” She kicked at a pebble, avoiding their gazes.

 “Diet for what?” Adam probed. “You’re already so thin!”

 “We have to be thin,” Presley reprimanded. “Jockeys, I mean. There’s a weight restriction for a reason. And if I slack off one day, then I’ll snowball, and you know how easy it is to regain weight?”

 “How much do you weigh right now?” Beetlejuice joined in on the questioning. He hoped nobody could hear the curl of concerned sickness edging his voice.

 “Uhhh,” Presley had the audacity to count on her fingers, which made Adam’s eyes practically bulge out of his skull, as if he were expecting her to say some absurd number like seven or ten. Though, in his defense, what she actually ended up saying was equally as concerning.

 “If I remember correctly from the last time I checked… I think ninety-nine pounds?”

 “Ninety--” Adam sputtered, cutting himself off. “NINETY-NINE?!”

Presley scrunched her face up at him again. “Yeah…” She said slowly. “Usually I’m ninety-four, though.”

 “NINETY-FOUR?!”

Presley blinked at him. She seemed innocently oblivious to how worrying what she said was…or maybe she did know how worrying it was and was just acting like she didn’t in a way to convince herself that what she was doing was okay and perfectly healthy.

She didn’t look emaciated. To be honest, Beetlejuice used to think that anyone under a hundred pounds were like those people in the sad pictures of Africa, the ones that stated that everyone on the continent were starving to death and tried to convince you to do some twenty-four hour fasting thing to “see how they lived” or something like that instead of doing something useful like asking for donations to help those people. You know- drum-tight skin, ribs showing, stomachs sunken into empty caverns, every detail of the hip bone being perfectly highlighted, limbs like matchsticks, more skeleton than human.

But Presley looked like the exact opposite of that. Her skin wasn’t pulled tight over her bones, her bones weren’t showing at all, even, and she definitely was not a skeleton.

But Beetlejuice also knew firsthand that the effects of “jockey dieting” weren’t always physical. Sometimes it all on the inside- throat eroded from constant purging, muscles weak with no energy, stomach cannibalizing itself in a desperate attempt to get nutrients.

He knew because he, too, had slaved himself over the jockey diet before eventually accepting that he would never meet the weight restriction and get to race in a real derby.

Seeing his new pupil torture herself with such a hellish thing did not make him happy.

 “Presley, you have to eat,” Barbara said gently before Beetlejuice could blow his top and scold his new student.

 “I do,” Presley tried to assure her. “I eat dinner. One meal per day; that’s what the regimen says. I have to follow it if I want to be a jockey. Those are, like, the rules.”

 “Well, I don’t see any rule book around here,” Adam said.

 “It’s an unspoken one.”

 “Presley, Barbara is right,” Beetlejuice spoke up. “You have to eat. I get the whole ‘staying in shape to stay in the weight requirement’ thing, I do, but you’ll be no use in a race if you’re too weak to ride.”

Presley seemed to be getting flustered. She opened her mouth, then closed it and ducked her head. Her boot scuffed at the grass.

 “Danishes sound nice. Thank you, Mrs. Maitland.”

--- --- ---

After a breakfast of danishes, scrambled eggs, grilled ham, and orange juice, Beetlejuice and his student were back outside. Now that it was light out, he decided to let her muscles rest a little longer and give her a tour. Lydia, who had been dropped off by her father, joined them.

Most of the horses were out in the pasture, as were the other farm animals the Maitland’s kept, but most of the broodmares spent their time inside the stables, a breezy building that smelled like hay and dirt. The pregnant horses rumbled and huffed to each other, and Beetlejuice recognized the low-level threat in those sounds. Foaling mares were often aggressive. They were kept separately from each other, in large stalls with heavy wooden walls and thick layers of rushes on the floor.

Six mothers filled the stables. Barbara and Adam were encouraging more breeding to replace the three mares they had recently lost, and to fill the orders they had gotten from richer racers that were seeking out a good horse. Lydia pointed out all the foaling horses as they went by, and Presley listened with great interest.

The first was Bullseye aka Target’s Grand Splash, a solid black Arabian with a single white spot around her left eye and pure white socks. She was fierce and standoffish.

The next was Sky aka Up, Up, and Away, a pure white standardbred with hints of pink around her dark eyes. She was the restless type, constantly resetting her bedding because it wasn’t good enough for her liking.

Then there was Flicker aka Light The Night, a buckskin paint horse with white splotches all across her body and a constant need for playing. As they passed by, she was throwing her hay up into the air with her teeth.

After her was Pisces aka The Zodiac Killer, a dark chestnut thoroughbred with even darker socks around her hooves. Her ears were pinned back and she glared as they walked by her pen.

Fifth was Magi aka Blaze of Enchantment, a blonde quarter horse with a silky brown mane and tail. Her gentle nature made her easy to care for.

Finally, there was Sneeze-Breeze aka It’s A Long Story, a second thoroughbred, this one with a coat of red roan. Upon hearing her name, Presley gave Lydia a confused look, to which Lydia replied with, “It’s a long story.”

Presley laughed.

 “And then that’s my horse!” Lydia said, pointing to a black abyss that was a Tennessee walker gelding. Its dark coat really fit Lydia’s aesthetic. “Well, he’s my favorite horse, but I still like to call him my horse. His name is Gloom!”

Gloom lifted his head from his stall and blinked big blue eyes at Lydia. She patted his large cheek.

 “His show name is The Moon Man,” Lydia further informed.

 “He’s so handsome,” Presley said in awe, staring up at the void.

Beetlejuice allowed the two teenagers to chat a little longer before pulling Presley back out to begin training. It was good that Lydia talked to girls her age. She usually just made conversation with the horses ever since the recent passing of her mother. Maybe a human friend would be good for her.

 “Alright, kiddo,” Beetlejuice said once they were all back outside. Presley had Peril by his halter for an inspection. “Let’s see what you got.”

Beetlejuice, for one, knew a pretty horse when he saw one, and Peril was the epitome of thoroughbred beauty. His coat was a glossy steel grey, rippling rays of light when the sun hit the fur, and his mane and tail were the color of storm clouds. He had four black stockings up each of his legs as if he had crawled out from the shadows. There was a freckling of grey on his snout and his eyes were a bright flame blue. Beetlejuice could see why Presley liked him so much.

Unfortunately, outward looks were just about the only thing Peril had going for him.

Although he was huge, easily twice, maybe three times the size of his tiny jockey, he was gangly and awkward. His legs were stalky, knees knobby, and his tail was bushy. His ears were moving constantly, like spirits were whispering in them, telling him secrets, and his eyes were always looking around.

Peril twitched when Beetlejuice laid hands on him. He lifted one of his back legs, scraping the dirt with the edge of his hoof, but seemed to decide against kicking for the moment, though he still leered at Beetlejuice out from the corner of his eyes, silently warning him.

Beetlejuice went on.

Peril quickly proved to be the exact opposite of the phrase “gentle giant.” He was a stubborn thing, bearing enough tenaciousness to fill all of Connecticut. Even Adam’s mule wasn’t as hard headed as this beast.

The stallion refused to lift his hooves for Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice had to wrestle with his leg just to be able to check his feet, though he decided to let the attitude slide because it made Lydia and Presley giggle.

Peril had thoroughbred-typical shitty feet. Thin soles. Too flat. Underrun heels. Typical racer. Best to get the farrier down to the farm to start drawing the toe back into something that would at least be considered a little healthy.

He dropped the foot. The joints flexed cleanly. Peril had muscle, Beetlejuice could see, but it was hidden beneath his bulk and awkward girth. At least his ribs weren’t showing.

Beetlejuice stole a glance at Presley, who was holding Peril steady by his halter and chatting avidly with Lydia. Her horse ate better than she did.

Dropping the subject from his mind for now, Beetlejuice began to check Peril’s withers and back. Peril humored his touch, keeping his hindquarters cocked for the moment, not ready to kick just yet. Beetlejuice eyed them wryly. As lanky as his legs were, he could knock someone’s brains out with those hooves.

Beetlejuice ran his hands over Peril’s soft hide. Peril shifted beneath his palms, letting out an impatient huff. He looked at Presley, who looked back with a nervous expression.

 “How often do you train with him?” Beetlejuice asked.

 “Six days a week,” Presley answered, and Beetlejuice caught the anxious tremors in her voice. “Sundays are our off days.”

Beetlejuice nodded. “It’s good that you both have time to relax.” He stroked Peril’s broad neck, and the muscles bunched and released beneath his fingers. “What is his diet like?”

 “I give him two to three meals a day of grain and hay,” Presley told him. She was whiteknuckling the halter leash nervously, as if she fed Peril baby heads or something and didn’t want to reveal her bloody secret. “He gets carrot and apple slices in the evenings. Sometimes other fruits and vegetables I have at home. And if he’s good I give him peppermints.”

At the sound of the treat, Peril’s ears flicked to alertness and he began to lip at Presley’s hand. Presley laughed and fished out a mint she had in her pocket. Peril devoured it instantly.

Beetlejuice began to rattle off several questions, and Presley answered them with little hesitation, though her anxiety remained.

 “Does he receive yearly vaccinations?”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “When was he last seen by a vet?”

 “Two months ago, I believe.”

 “Who grooms him?”

 “I do.”

 “Has he ever had colic?”

 “No, sir.”

 “What kind of bit do you use?”

 “Usually a D-ring snaffle, but sometimes I use an eggbutt snaffle. They’re both easiest on his mouth and he gets cranky if it isn’t comfortable.”

 “Where did you get him?”

 “My neighbor gave him to me.”

 “For how much?”

 “For free.”

Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow at Presley. “Really?”

 “Yes, sir,” Presley said, and Beetlejuice was sure he had been called ‘sir’ more times in one day than he had in his entire life. “He really didn’t want him anymore and just gave him to me.”

 “Huh,” Beetlejuice looked up at Peril. “Well, let’s see how he rides, shall we?”

The four of them walked to the hooded paddock. Presley looked supremely uneasy. She wouldn’t stop fidgeting for some reason.

 “Be safe,” Presley whispered.

Beetlejuice couldn’t help but give her a weird look as he climbed onto Peril’s back.

Oh, Beetlejuice thought as he was being bucked off mere moments after sitting down. THAT’S why he was given away for free.

--- --- ---

 “He’s certainly an…opinionated horse.”

Several hours later, Beetlejuice and Presley were sitting on white picket fence together: Beetlejuice nursing a half-empty bottle of bitter apple cider, Presley sipping lukewarm water. In the enclosed field they were balanced before, Peril trotted the length of his pasture, tail flagged, head snaking in front of him.

 “He’s not bad.”

 “Never said he was, kid.”

Presley ducked her head. She looked guilty. Beetlejuice hadn’t realized someone could say sorry so much in one breath, and yet Presley had. Even though he only had a minor bruise on his side from being bucked off, she still wasn’t over what happened.

 “Doesn’t like doors very much,” Beetlejuice observed.

Presley winced. He was referring to when Peril had viciously fought the door to a small pen she had tried to put him into earlier that afternoon.

 “He’s not-- I mean, he doesn’t usually--” Presley was fumbling. She was pale, hands clenched in her flannel. She looked like she was about to spiral into a full blown anxiety attack.

Beetlejuice put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay,” He said. “Horses have their quirks. Sandy used to snort sand all the time.”

Presley blinked big doe eyes at him. “Really?”

 “You didn’t think she was named because of her colors, did you?” Beetlejuice tipped his head at her, looking amused.

 “There’s black sand! That exists!” Presley tried to argue in an attempt to save face.

Beetlejuice laughed. “When she was a filly, she used to stick her nose in EVERYTHING. Always these big mounds of dirt, and then she would sneeze, knock herself backwards, and look at me indignantly, to which I would say, ‘Then stop sticking sand up your nose!’ She never listened.”

Presley giggled.

They both watched Peril for a minute. His head was still in the air, neck arched, ears pointed at some unknown distant object he deemed worthy of his attention. Then, he caught them staring and took off in a dead sprint around the corner of the yard, ripping up chunks of turf with his hooves. He stopped abruptly, glanced to make sure they were still looking at him, and then trotted away regally.

 “I like this horse,” Beetlejuice said, breaking the silence. “I want him to win.”

 “Everyone wants their horse to win, Mr. Shoggoth,” Presley mumbled, shoulders slumped like they were being weighed down by some unruly sin.

Guilt, Beetlejuice rationalized.

He gave Presley a look.

 “Beetlejuice,” She corrected herself. “Mr. Beetlejuice.”

 “That’s Mr. Juice to you,” Beetlejuice said, poking her in the side, and she nearly squirmed right off of the fencepost. She giggled again. It didn’t last long.

 “I want him to win, too,” Presley whispered.

As awkward and ill-tempered as Peril was, he could.

Beetlejuice had met a lot of horses. He had run his eyes and his hands over champions. Hundreds from afar, and dozens up close. A.P. Indy, The Strawman, Stay Thirsty. Even Ocean Liner, though he’d been long retired by that time. There had been Sweet Devil, getting roses draped around his mud-spattered neck; Slipstream, bounding around the winners circle; Permafrost, head held up in haughty pride as he passed by other horses.

Beside The Dying Fire could outrun them all.

 “I just don’t know if I’m enough for him.”

The comment caught Beetlejuice off guard. He looked down at Presley, and he could see it now: the self-doubt, the worry, the fear, the painful anxiety raking up and down her insides like jagged horse hooves.

Presley “Jeopardy” Lind wasn’t just timid, she was fragile, too. Much too fragile for the awful things spiraling in her head.

Beetlejuice set a hand on her shoulder. “We chose you for a reason. You rode that beast and got third. You have skill, Presley. You’re exactly what he needs.”

Presley’s eyes were sparkling up at him. Beetlejuice smiled.

 “You’re our jockey.”

Presley looked out at Peril. He looked back at her. A thousand plus pounds of muscle, and even heavier than that, the weight of all the dreams each one of these beasts carried. A dark, sharp look in his eye that was either intelligence or haughty pride, or maybe just the hope of his human creators reflecting back at them.

She looked up at Beetlejuice again and, buried beneath the fear and anxiety and doubt, there was confidence.

 “I’m your jockey.”

[walltowallfandoms]

For Slasher 🔪🔪 (@babes-week Day 7), I'm gonna give you an AU scenario.

Musicalverse.

Lydia is more bitter, more angry at her father. She lets Beetlejuice talk her into saying his name.

As he ponders wicked, violent revenge scheme after revenge scheme... Lydia starts to find the idea of torturing—even killing—her father more and more appealing.

He forgot his wife, her mother! He abruptly moved her to a new house! He won't pay attention to her grief! He jumped onto Delia while his wife's corpse was still fresh!

That bastard must pay for the strife he's caused his poor daughter.

So, she and BJ work out a deliciously horrible little plan, to kill Charles. Lydia can barely wait, she's salivating at thought of her rat bastard father finally meeting his fate—and once he's in the netherworld, he can apologize to poor Emily for slutting it up before she was even in the ground. Beg his wife's forgiveness for the utter disrespect he showed her dead body.

The plan goes off without a hitch. Charles is terrified. Then dead.

Amidst the celebration of a successful plan, she remembers that Delia is still alive. The bitch her father had probably cheated on his ailing wife with. That little skank.

She has to go, too. And she does. She can postrate herself to Emily, too.

Lydia is more than pleased that the people who once made her life hell are now gone.

But her bloodlust, now fully awakened by an opportunistic and manipulative demon, still isn't sated.

When Charles' and Delia's friends come over to investigate, she just can't resist killing them too.

First goes Otho. Then Maxine. Then Max. One by one, the last human ties to her parents are gone. And Lydia now has the house to herself.

And BJ.

(The Maitlands had long since crossed over, unable to bear the sight of watching a teenage girl commit murder after murder with an unhinged demon).

Lydia and BJ celebrate their bloody victory by having sex, until Lydia is exhausted. In between rounds, they kill whoever is unlucky enough to ring the doorbell. Delivery man, pizza guy, census taker, a neighbour & her daughter, a medically fragile girl scout. All dead within days.

Lydia's never had so much fun in her life. But she's still not satisfied.

Neither is BJ.

He tells her that if she marries him, he can stay in the mortal world and cause even more havoc and death.

Lydia is delighted to hear this, and so, they marry.

Beetlejuice becomes an even more powerful demon, and he wastes no time in taking his new wife on a honeymoon—tracking down her old school bullies, and picking them off one by one.

Never has the other felt so much excitement and joy. And Beetlejuice has promised to turn Lydia into a demon once she dies, so they can continue their massacres forever.

Lydia is happy to have such a wonderful husband.

[creepyoldbeejfics]

Do one where the reader just moved in with The Deetz and she meets Beej for the first time and he’s flirting with her trying to get her to say his name but she isn’t falling for it 😂❤️

Omg yes! Great idea!! Btw, I’m sorry in advance, but this is going to be depressing at first. Also this one’s really long and a bit of a rollercoaster tbh, so sorry about that😅

Don’t You Wanna See Him Suffer?

(Beetlejuice x Fem Reader)

Warnings: Angst, mentions of abuse, and bruises. For this, there is a hotline link at the very end because I want you all to be safe.

Pic credit: @thewolfisapartofmysoul

After years of being abused by your boyfriend and not being able to get away from him, you’re finally moving. You would’ve contacted the police for a restraining order on him, but you were afraid of what would happen if you called the police, or broke up with him. So the best thing you thought you could do was move in with your friend Lydia. You didn’t want her family to know why you were moving in because you were afraid they’d call the police for you and you didn’t want your problem to become their problem. So, you made up a lie saying that your house was going to be under construction for 8 months so you needed somewhere to stay. You just needed time to relax your mind and clear your head until you could come up with a plan for how to get rid of your boyfriend. Besides, maybe he’ll give up and leave during those 8 months.

Your boyfriend had to go to work tonight, so while he was out at work, you got your suitcases and brought them out to your car. You gave the house one last look, and drove off. Tears started to stream down your face, as you were unsure what this was going to do for you, and were scared that he’d somehow find you. Luckily you blocked him on every social media platform and turned off your location. You were already imagining how livid he’d be which was making you cry even more. In hopes of blocking out your flooding thoughts, you turned up the radio.

After some time, you finally reached their house. You couldn’t wait to live with the three of them. Well, temporarily at least. You wiped your tears as much as you could, so Lydia’s parents wouldn’t question you. You grabbed your suitcases and headed up to the door dropping most of them because of how heavy they were. You hesitated, wondering if you were doing the right thing, and feeling bad that you were burdening them with another person in the house. But you rang the doorbell anyway. The door swung open with Lydia’s dad greeting you at the door.

“Oh! Let me get those for you!” He exclaimed as he sort of struggled to bring them in. They were really heavy. Oops. “Lydia!!! Your friend is here!!”

You walk in looking around at the house. You’ve never been to her house before so it was good that you finally got to see it. You noticed that the furniture was a little strange. The whole house seemed strange. Lydia came running down the stairs, giving you a big hug. “Ugggh!! I missed you so much, (Y/N)!!”

“I missed you too!” You squealed as you squeezed her tight. You two had been friends for many years, but you hadn’t seen her much at all due to your overprotective boyfriend. “Come on my room’s this way!” she said as she grabbed your suitcases. “Oh I can get them!” You say trying to take them back. “Nah it’s fine. Geez! What’d you put in these?? They’re so heavy!” “Bricks and our favorite bath bomb,” you joked. “A toaster?” You nodded causing both of you to start laughing. You didn’t actually bring one, you just had a ton of stuff.

Once you both got to her room she put your suitcases down, panting afterwards. “Wow, I love your room. It’s so spooky and dark looking. In a good way,” you said in awe. “Oh, no I take that as a compliment. That’s exactly what I was going for,” she said smiling proudly. “I’ll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom,” Lydia said, leaving you alone in her room.

You walked around looking at some of the things in her room. You noticed a picture of her and her mom on her shelf. You smiled, because you knew by just looking at them that they must’ve been inseparable.

All of a sudden a chill ran down your spine and you didn’t feel so alone anymore. You looked around, but no one was there. Even though you didn’t really believe in spirits or ghosts, you thought that her mom could’ve been there and didn’t like you picking up the picture of her and her daughter. So you immediately put it down out of fear.

You tried to relax, so you ignored the feeling and looked at the other pictures. One of them was a picture of her and her friends, and another one was of her and her step mom and dad. ‘What a nice family,’ you thought to yourself. Suddenly, you saw a very strange picture. It made no sense. Lydia had her arms out like she had her arms around two people, but no one was there. You thought, ‘well maybe she was just trying to be silly.’ After all, she likes to joke around and prank people and stuff. But then you noticed that a piece of her hair seemed to be... FLOATING?? Like it was resting on someone’s shoulder or arm... that made no sense... that’s not even physically possible. You’d have to have someone else there...

“How...?” You said out loud, trailing off.

“Yeah it sucks that ghosts can’t be seen in pictures...” a rough voice said from behind you.

You immediately whipped around to see a man in a black and white striped suit. His skin was pale with mold spots and moss on it here and there. His fluffy, yet spiked hair was a pear green with lighter highlights of green on the tips. Maybe he’s not a man? You noticed his eyes were yellow with golden specks scattered throughout his irises. Contacts, perhaps? Then you realized he reeked of death and decay. Hopefully that’s just some really bad cologne... instead of... well whatever he is, he scared the shit out of you. You had so many questions, but the big question that kept haunting you was why was he sort of... attractive?

“I bet photo bombing is so much fun...” he sighed. Then he looked at you, eyes widening realizing you were making direct eye contact with him.

“Wait. Can you see me??”

“Y-yes...” you stammered, turning around and grabbing a lamp immediately. You held it upside down getting ready to swing it at him.

“BOO!” you hear from behind you. You scream, aiming the lamp at Lydia now.

“WOAH!!! What’s going on??” Lydia raised her hands up before realizing the demon who stood next to you. “Oh...”

“I’ll call 911!! Go tell your parents!! I don’t know where he came from!!”

“(Y/N)! Stop! Calm down... this is a friend of mine,” Lydia explained.

“What?? But he’s...” you trailed off looking at him. You had no idea what he was. Some sort of entity?

“Sexy?” he asked smirking. “Irresistible? The best mistake of your life? Wait...”

“No more like lonely, depressed, horny, clingy, annoying, and weird,” Lydia remarked. “Oh, yeah. And he’s a demon.”

“A demon?!? Do your parents know?? How long have you been friends??”

“Yes, they met him shortly after I met him. We’ve been friends for a few years now. I’ll explain everything,” Lydia assured you.

“Okay... does this demon have a name?” You questioned looking at him suspiciously.

“His name is Beetlejuice,” Lydia replied.

“Beetlejuice? That’s a strange name...”

“Actually it’s my middle name. My first name’s Lawrence,” the demon said looking smugly at you.

“Uhh, why is he staring at me like that?” You asked, stepping back uncomfortably.

Beetlejuice chuckled, “Lyds, Delia told us not to have snacks before dinner, but I think I’ll have to make an exception with this one.”

“Excuse me?!?” you asked disturbed. ‘I did not sign up for this,’ you thought to yourself.

“Beetlejuice!” Lydia scolded, hitting him in the belly. “We talked about this!”

“Time for dinner!” Delia called from downstairs.

When you came down the stairs, the family introduced you to a couple, who were ghosts. Adam and Barbara Maitland. They apparently died in this house, so the Deetz offered to share their home with them. Throughout most of dinner, Beetlejuice stared at you. Even when you caught him, he continued to stare. It was weird and made you uncomfortable, but you found yourself staring back at times. The Deetz would ask you how you were doing, and you’d lie making up a bunch of stuff to show that you were happy. While you told them this, you noticed that Beetlejuice’s stare became sympathetic, which really messed with your head. It’s almost as if he knew... No. That’s impossible.

Once you finished dinner, both you, Lydia, and Beetlejuice went upstairs to her bedroom so they could explain everything to you. First, Lydia explained how she met the Maitlands and Beetlejuice, and then explained everything that happened afterwards. This included her telling you about her pain and how she was suicidal. I felt terrible for her, but you understood how she felt.

“Wait so you actually went to hell??” You asked, trying to take everything in.

“Yup,” Lydia confirmed.

“That’s so cool,” you said, clearly intrigued.

“Actually, it sucked. It was an endless abyss of nothing.”

“Oh...”

“And you wonder why I’ve always stayed on earth instead of going to the Netherworld,” Beetlejuice said, crossing his arms.

“That and your mother,” you added. Beetlejuice nodded, his face immediately turning smug. “Besides, I’d rather stay in a world with sexy breathers like you...”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but you’ll have to find another ‘sexy breather’ elsewhere. I’m taken,” you said confidently, crossing your arms. It wasn’t a lie, you were dating someone, but you mentally cringed remembering the abusive man you were with.

“Well, I’m gonna go to bed before things get more creepy and awkward,” Lydia said raising an eyebrow at us.

“Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Lydia. Goodnight Beetlejuice,” you said, walking out of her room to go to their guest bedroom.

You walked in and opened your suitcase to put on an oversized t-shirt and PJ shorts. You loved wearing oversized t-shirts and were able to pull them off really well. You walked into the bathroom and changed, brushed your teeth, and then did your nightly skin routine. You walked out to go back to your bedroom to see Beetlejuice sitting on your bed.

“What are you doing here??” You challenged.

“I don’t sleep. I mean I do, but it’s more just for fun.”

“Well I do, so get out,” you barked.

“Fine. I guess you’ll never know why I’m actually in here then...” he said walking past you, smirking.

“Okay, why are you here?”

“I just wanted to get to know you, doll...”

“Yeah right. You already know everything about me,” you huffed.

“What gives you that idea?” He queried.

“The way you look at me. Like you know something. It’s creepy.”

“Well, I’m a creepy old guy, what do you expect? But yeah, you’ve caught me,” he said raising his hands. “Except I don’t have you completely figured out.”

You knew he knew something. You wondered if he could read minds. At this point it wouldn’t be too off brand. “Why did you look at me with pity when I was explaining how I’ve been doing?”

“Because I know you lied... you’re not happy.”

You walked backwards, sitting on your bed. He followed, sitting at the foot of your bed.

“How did you...” you trailed off. This was insane. You smiled and everything when you were telling their family how you had been doing. You were great at lying. Which isn’t a good thing, but it sure helped save you from getting more scars and bruises from your boyfriend.

“As a demon I’m more prone to sensing hidden emotions. And sometimes I’m able to tell when people are lying. Not all the time though... but I could tell you were. The look in your eyes was full of pain and sorrow.”

You looked at him, shocked and amazed. You immediately shook your head, “I’m fine.”

“You’re not safe, are you?” He eyed your wrist.

You noticed the bruise, and immediately turned your wrist over.

“What happened?” He asked, reaching for your wrist to turn it back over.

“Don’t touch me!” You snapped, raising your arms away from him. “What do you want with me anyway? Why do you care??”

He looked at you with pity before pushing back his sleeves to reveal his own scars and bruises. Your eyes widened at the sight, causing you to regret what you said. “I’m sorry, I had no idea... Was it your mom?” You asked softly.

He nodded silently, looking down at the ground. More silence filled the air. Both of you were looking at the floor for some time.

You revealed your wrist, caressing the bruise, “My boyfriend did this...” He looked over at your wrist and then up at you. Your eyes met, and for a second you felt like hugging him, but refrained yourself.

“I was 17 when I met him. He was 18. There were no red flags. He was perfect. A true gentleman. He was always there for me when I needed him and was constantly giving me love and affection. But the worst mistake of my life was trusting him.”

Beetlejuice looked at you with sympathy in his golden eyes. You looked at him before continuing your story.

Throughout the story, you noticed that the concern in his face grew more and he would keep gradually moving closer to you.

“It was getting unbearable and I still can’t believe I haven’t figured out how to leave him. I’ve put up with this bastard for 7 years and have done nothing about it!!! I’m weak!!!” You shouted angrily with tears in your eyes. “I’m a coward...”

Beetlejuice gently grabbed your hands, holding them in his. “Hey. No you’re not. You did think of something. Look where you are now. You found a way to escape,” he said squeezing your hands to reassure you. “That was so brave of you. So don’t call yourself a coward or weak. I believe you’re going to make it, okay?” He said wiping a tear off your cheek with his thumb.

You looked up at him, trembling. You hugged him, holding on tight and burying your face into his chest as more tears streamed down your face. He was shocked the minute you hugged him, probably because he doesn’t typically receive affection. But he wrapped his arms around you anyway, resting his head on yours.

“How do you know it’s going to be okay though?” You ask pulling away from him, your eyes still glossy from your tears.

“Hey. I’m a demon. I know everything,” he chuckled.

You blush, looking off to the side uncomfortably. “You know...” he begins slyly, “I could help you...”

“What do you mean? How?” You ask frowning.

He grinned, “All you have to do is say my name three times doll, and I’m all yours. I could get you out of this mess.”

“Say your name three times?”

“Yup. But it must be spoken unbroken,” he said waiting in anticipation.

“Okay, Beetlejuice...”

He adjusted his tie getting ready for the big moment.

“Beetlejuice...” you said with a gleam in your eye.

“Yes!!” He growled in excitement.

“Wait, whats in it for you?”

“No, oh, come on!!” He whined. “I... well... I get to help the most gorgeous breather...”

“Wow, you’re so convincing.” You rolled your eyes.

“Fine! It’s just, well I understand where you’re coming from. You feel trapped. Kinda like how a king is trapped by the other chess pieces. Like you have no more moves to play.”

You eyed him suspiciously, yet curiously, always intrigued by how he would occasionally start to get into deep talking.

“But sometimes you gotta look at it differently. Or uhh... think outside the box,” he sputtered. “Look for something to help you. Use your resources. For example, me. I’m a pretty reliable resource if I do say so myself.”

“Oh yeah?” You asked teasingly. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well I think he should be the one to go...”

“Ha! What are you going to do? Snap your fingers and he disappears?” You said scoffing.

“Yeah... or we could make it a little more fun...” he said smirking.

“What? How? How would you even make this situation ‘fun’?” You asked frowning.

"By making him suffer... give him a slow, long, painful death.”

“What?!?! No!!!” You yelled, covering your mouth immediately and looking at the clock to see that it’s 2:30 am.

“Fine, fine... at least let me torture him a bit.” He said opening his closed hand, causing a big flame to rise from his palm.

“No!! Absolutely not!!” You said pushing him. “Why do you like violence so much anyway?”

“Well, it’s just infuriating how he’s been treating you.”

You glared are him. “And violence is fun!”

“I should’ve known that you were only going to help me purely for entertainment.” You said getting up to walk to the other side of the room. He reached out for you a bit as you got up, not wanting you to leave his side.

“No, wait! It’s like a win win! I get to help you and get to have fun while doing it!” He assured happily.

“Nothing about this situation is fun!” You shouted. “I really thought you were a pretty understanding and empathetic guy, but I guess I was completely wrong.” You said, hurt. “I guess you only care about making yourself happy.”

“I’ve haven’t been happy in a long time.” He said looking at the floor with sorrow in his eyes.

“Oh no. Don’t even try to get me to pity you because I won’t. If you want someone’s pity so badly then go back to Lydia.”

“I just want someone to understand me. I thought you’d understand because you’re going through something similar as to what I went through.”

You rolled your eyes turning to look at him, his back facing you as he continued to look at the floor. Your eyes widened at the sight of his once green hair, being completely purple. “Abused, neglected, treated like a worthless tool. I mean in different ways obviously because that was your boyfriend to you and that was my mother-“

“Why is your hair a different color? How are you doing that?” You cut him off.

He sighed, grabbing at his hair and falling back into your bed. “My hair changes colors based on the emotions I’m feeling,” he said blatantly.

“Really??” You asked, popping your head above his. “That’s really cool,” you said, intrigued.

“Actually, it’s pretty inconvenient for me. I can’t hide my feelings like the rest of you breathers can. But even when I want people to know how I feel, they don’t really care. But I guess I sort of deserve that,” he chuckled but his weak smile turned into a face of dejection.

“So I guess purple means sad, right?” You asked, gently sitting next to him as he layed on his back. Your eyes both met, but he looked away without responding.

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have judged you so harshly. I’m just.. it’s hard for me to trust people.” You said looking off to the side. “It’s okay. Not many people trust me at first. I guess that’s just the kind of vibes I give off.”

Silence filled the room once again. You thought about your situation back at home and Beetlejuice’s strange offer. You felt bad for him because of what he’s gone through, but you knew he wasn’t genuinely wanting to help you, he just wanted to cause some chaos. At the same time you wanted him to feel wanted and cared for. ‘He’s a demon,’ you told yourself. ‘You have to be careful.’

“So have you thought about my offer?”

“Well, you’ll have to be more convincing...” You said standing up from your bed.

“I told you, I can end this for you.” He said sitting up, looking impatient.

“Without killing anyone?” You asked suspiciously, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Without killing anyone,” he confirmed swinging his legs over the edge of the bed to sit next to you.

“Without any violence or chaos?”

“No promises...” he chuckled.

You hummed frustratedly, not knowing if you could trust him.

“Come on. What else are you going to? You’re too afraid to call the police, you’re too afraid to tell your family or ours. Or are you just going to wait it out and hope that he leaves? You’re still forgetting the fact that when you go back he could still be there. And you know what could happen the minute you walk through the door. You could die if you go back...”

You looked to the side, your mind at war. He made a pretty good point. Unless you could somehow get to the garage to see if your boyfriend’s car was there. But it didn’t have any windows and besides, he’d hear your car. Unfortunately your car wasn’t the quietest... you couldn’t believe you were thinking it, but maybe the best decision was to accept Beetlejuice’s offer. He was pretty convincing and it didn’t help that he was attractive. You turned to look at him, gazing into his eyes.

“Besides, what were the chances of actually meeting a demon that has the power to do anything you desire....” he said softly and flirtatiously.

“Anything...” you started looking smugly at him and using your hands to bring yourself closer to him. “Anything I desire...?” You asked slowly, now inches away from his face. His eyes widen at your response and you look up to see a strand of his green hair slowly turn pink. He noticed you looking at his hair, causing him to run his hand through his hair, keeping his hand over the pink strand.

“Anything, babes...” he said grinning, almost at whisper. He had removed his hand from his hair and moved even closer, and began looking at your lips. At this point, beginning at the roots, the rest of his green hair slowly started turning pink.

“Beetlejuice...” you said softly, looking at his lips as well.

“Yeah?” He asked quietly, still concentrating on your lips and moving closer.

“Beetlejuice...” you repeated, grinning. At this point your lips were only inches away from each other.

“Oh...” he realized you were about to say his name three times. “Say it again, doll...” he said smirking, still concentrating on your lips.

You suddenly noticed all of his hair was pink.

“Wait, what does pink mean?” You asked abruptly, backing away quickly.

He grinned still looking at you the same way. “It means this...” He leaned towards you without warning, his hand moving towards the back of your neck. “What are you,” you started, his lips interrupting your question. You weren’t actually planning on kissing him before, so you were pretty shocked. Your eyes widened at first, but you then closed them, finding yourself kissing him back. Your hands moved from his chest to his shoulders.

You pulled away confused, yet loving what just happened. You couldn’t believe a demon just kissed you. You were blushing, noticing his hair was still completely pink.

“Well... I must say... you are pretty persuasive...” you said teasingly. “But I’m still never gonna say your name three times.”

“I can live with that,” he said smirking. “That’s not the right word in my case, but you get what I’m saying.”

You giggled, still gazing at him lovingly. You realized that you both still had your arms around each other, but you decided not to let go.

“So what are you going to do if you’re not gonna accept my help?”

“I’m not sure, but I’ll think of something. I appreciate you accepting your defeat though.”

“That’s because one way or another, I know you’ll need me.” He said slyly looking down at you.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are in trouble, are getting abused or feel unsafe at home, press this link down below!!

Otherwise reach out to someone for help!!

[swan--writes]

Okay,is kinda is a continuation of the pregnancy one, but, baby girl named Andromeda ( because star theme names) and she is pretty much jack jack from The Incredibles, so...BJ dealing with a half demon baby?

Disclaimer: I am not good with small ones. I do not spend time with small ones. Therefore, I am not the best at writing small ones.

Words: ~1,590

Most new parents are lucky to get four hours of sleep, if broken up sleep. New parents need to figure out schedules, make plans, have tired, stressed arguments, then look down at their progeny and realize it’s all worth it. In the end, new babies are sweet and soft and only doing what people do when they need something and don’t have the words to ask for it. Babies cry, and then they stop. But this…this was something else.

You had been around kids before. You had entertained them, answered their questions, babysat that one time. You knew enough to know that this was not normal.

Four months of interrupted sleep. Four months of destroyed bottles and messy bath times and screaming. Four months of loving your daughter – God, you loved her more than anything – and at the same time, knowing you were not remotely qualified to raise her. She was half demon, and while you still hadn’t figured out if she was the antichrist, you were positive that her lungs were stronger than yours would ever be.

Now, in the middle of the night, she was showing you just how strong they were. Still half-asleep, you reached over and tapped Beetlejuice with your whole hand. You were lying on your stomach and your eyes were only half-open in the dark of your room, but you felt the demon rise beside you. Though he lied in bed with you overnight, Beetlejuice didn’t actually need to sleep, so it was much easier for him to get up in the middle of the night than it was for you.

He had once told you that he took short naps, but mostly he watched you sleep. At the time, he had told you this with his sharp teeth bared in a pointedly demonic grin, but you had the sense that he was deflecting. Beetlejuice would never admit it if you asked him, but you thought that he mostly stayed with you for companionship and warmth.

Lately, he spent much more time out of your bed at night than in it. If you were honest, you missed him. Having another person to snuggle into when you woke up randomly at two in the morning was comforting. Having a nice, squishy person who loved to be close to you and who wouldn’t make you sweat even in the summer was an amazing feeling. But more than all of that, you loved having someone who would collect your screaming child from her crib and bounce her back to sleep so that you didn’t have to.

You were a terrible person.

Beetlejuice kissed your hand before stepping out of bed and quietly leaving the room. He didn’t need to fumble his way to the door or turn any lights on, and if you peeked out from under the covers you knew you would see his golden eyes reflecting yellow in the darkness. You pulled the blankets higher and rolled onto your side, facing away from the door. He closed it softly behind him.

In the last four months, you had lost track of the number of baby fires that Beetlejuice had put out. When your daughter grew fangs and started ripping her bottles apart, he would just snap his fingers and repair them. When her hair started turning colors that you couldn’t identify, he knew exactly what was wrong and how to fix it. When she kicked you in the side so hard she left a bruise, he acquiesced and the next night, she had stopped co-sleeping for good, which meant more getting up in the middle of the night for him.

Beetlejuice did it all with a smile. With an easy shade of green in his hair. He never showed any sign of being remotely tired. He was Super Demon Dad, here to change diapers and oversee naps. You were…not that.

Before your daughter, you could maintain your composure through almost anything. You were quiet and strong and smart–so smart. But parenting, you had found, was a very emotional thing and you knew you were falling behind. You loved her so much that you felt your heart might explode at times, but how could you properly parent a demon child when you were so completely human? And all of this raised the question: how much was Beetlejuice holding back from you?

If Beetlejuice could handle when your child broke her high chair, when she plunged forks into her own pudgy hand and laughed, when she somehow made it out of the crib that the Maitlands had restored for her, what else could he handle? What else could he do? How much of it had he suppressed in order to be your partner?

How could you parent a child who didn’t seem to take after you at all?

It took a while for you to realize that the screaming had subsided into soft cries, and it seemed as soon as you took noticed, they ceased entirely. When you turned your head toward the general direction of the nursery, you felt the cool air flocking to tear streaks you hadn’t realized were on your face. Groggy but wired, you stood. Your feet hit the floor softly, and you stepped out of your room. Beetlejuice, you realized, had left the door cracked. You did the same.

To your ears your footsteps were almost silent, though Beetlejuice always seemed to know when you were coming. Maybe he could hear you. You made your way down the hall, through the living room, and down the adjacent hall. Like your bedroom door, Beetlejuice had left the nursery door open a crack. Wiping tiredly at your eyes, you let out a breath through your nose and nudged the door open. You felt yourself soften as soon as you did.

The only light in the room was a dim little lamp on a table on the far wall. Beetlejuice stood in the middle of the room. He was barefoot and shirtless, wearing slightly faded black and white striped pajama pants. Your daughter was cradled against his chest and, from what you could see, fast asleep, hands unconsciously grasping at his pinkish chest hair. He was swaying and bouncing alternately, holding her as if she was made of ice. He looked up at you and frowned in clear concern.

“You okay, babes?” he asked, voice gruff but genuine. You nodded and pulled your sleeves down over your knuckles, folding your arms and drifting over to him. “You wanna hold her?”

You shook your head. “I don’t want to wake her.”

“Aw, you won’t wake her. Will she?” He looked down at your daughter’s head. “Will Mommy wake you? Nah…” Beetlejuice didn’t move to hand her off to you, though. He just kept bouncing.

Your daughter hadn’t lost any of her hair and even at four months it was thick and shaggy and, at the moment, the same color as yours. It seemed to be her resting shade. The moment she woke, it would begin to change. She only looked like you when she was sleeping. You felt another tear slip from your eye.

“Babes?” Beetlejuice murmured. You hadn’t realized he was looking at you. You wiped the tear away, feeling him subtly lean towards you.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Here, let me put her back in her crib.” You held out your arms. Watching you warily, Beetlejuice handed you your sleeping baby and went to stand by the door.

Stepping as softly as you could, you carried her lightly to her crib. With as much care as you could muster, you lowered her into the black and white nest that the Maitlands and the Deetzes had so carefully provided. She was almost out of your hands when she opened her eyes.

Your breath caught in your throat.

Instantly, you imagined the crying and the screaming. The full-throated wail that your daughter emitted every time she was disturbed. You would have to hand her back to Beetlejuice. How could you calm her? She shared your warmth, but you had no idea how to comfort a screaming demon child.

She blinked at you slowly, dark lashes against golden iris. Vaguely, you noticed that her eyes did not reflect the dim light like her father’s did. You were sure that she could feel the tension in your body as your fingers stilled under her. But then she smiled.

It was a small smile, the sleepy kind that let you know how instinctive it was. Her hair took on a faint blush. You felt your features melting. Pink. She went pink for you. Seconds later, she closed her eyes and settled into the mattress on her back.

After what felt like ten minutes, you let out the breath you had been holding and let go of her. The cool air flocked to your fingers when they left your daughter. You padded over to the door, Beetlejuice watching you the whole way. You simply leaned in and kissed his cheek. With a curious smile, he flicked the light switch and settled a hand on your back. He didn’t close the door, but you could still see the hand-painted sign he had made. Above your last name, your daughter’s name hung in black and green capital letters. Lydia Andromeda.

“You sure you’re okay?” Beetlejuice asked. Your gaze drifted over to Andromeda in her crib, lingering there before finally returning to him.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna be fine.”

Buy Me a Coffee?

[obsessive-ego]

Just go with it

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Lewd mentions

Beetlejuice needs you to pretend to be his fiance or he's in trouble

"Babes?"

...

"Babes, wake up"

....?

"Y/n wake up"

What?

Was your first thought as you are shaken awake by the ghost who has made your home his, you mumble out something unintelligible as you grope around for your phone, you cringe as the bright light of the screen blinds you, as your eyes adjust to the light you groan, 4am.

"Beetlejuice, what-"

"Okay, babes, no time to explain but I need you to pretend to be my fiance" despite the odd statement beetlejuice sounded a tad worried.

"What?"

"Long story short I may have said a few things to some guys, and if we dont pull this off I will be dragged back to the netherworld" the ghoul whispered dragging you out if bed.

"Oh" was all you could muster is your drowsy state.

"So theres a suit from the netherworld waiting to meet you, in your living room, now" beetlejuice continued rubbing the back of his neck.

You sigh and shuffle about your room, slipping on slippers and giving your hair a quick once over, as you reach for your housecoat beetlejuice swats away your hand.

"Bee-"

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders "this will work much better babes, we need to sell this"

You groan, you were too tired for this, thank god you didnt work in the morning, who knows how long this shit is gonna take, but as tired as you were you couldnt let whoever take your ghost back to the netherworld.

"Okay you're my fiance, I proposed a week ago, and you're head over heels for me, that last part wont be hard to fake huh doll?" The ghoul gives you a wink, you sigh.

"Wait, almost forgot" the ghoul snaps his fingers, you feel a light squeeze on you right handed middle finger.

Upon your finger appears rather tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, you honestly felt your heart squeeze when you saw it, to be honest staring at the ring felt like a dream, maybe because you just woke up? It was beautiful, and the idea of it being for real kinda hurt knowing it was for pretend, but those feelings didnt matter right now, Beej needed you to help him avoid being dragged back to the netherworld, you can think about those depressing emotions later.

The two of you leave the bedroom, beetlejuice takes the lead as you shuffle behind.

As the two of you enter the living room you could help but pause and stare at the 'suit' beej claimed that was waiting for you.

In your little arm chair sat a fairly tall skeleton man, his bones a blueish hue, wearing a lime green suit that looked fresh off the rack, guess not all dead guys wore dirty clothes, in all honesty this was your first time seeing another dead person aside from the maitlands and beetlejuice, they were human, beej was humanish, but this guy looked like he walked out of a cartoon.

"Sorry for the wait, you know breathers, they need to sleep" beetlejuice cackled snapping you from your thoughts "well there's y/n, theres the ring, and theres the door, feel free to use it" beetlejuice snears, wanting to get this whole thing done with, yes he adored messing with you, and with different circumstances this could have been funny, but too much was on the line for him and you were an awful liar, he loved you sure, but theres no way you could pull off lying.

"Y/n I presume?" The skeleton gestures to you, completely ignoring beetlejuice, you nod "its pleasure to put a face to the name, I apologize for the rude awakening, when you've been dead for as long as I have, you tend to lose the meaning of time, my dear this wont take long, we just need to clear up some loose ends then you can get back to your rest" the skeleton gestures you to sit on the couch next to beetlejuice who has already made himself comfortable.

You gently sit down next to BJ who was quick to drape an arm over your shoulders and pull you into his side.

The skeleton pulls out a clipboard from his jacket and flips through the pages

"Lawrence B Shoggoth, y/n m/n l/n, I have requested an audience with you two to clear up some issues with Lawrence's recent updated paper work, not to mention a handful of rumours that need to be put to bed" the ghoul flips through the papers "it says here the y/n you are Lawrence's spouse, is that true?"

You nod

"You see y/n, Lawrence here cant be trusted at face value, so that is why I must converse with you on the matter, so you are his fiance correct?"

"Yes"

"I see, now how long have the two of you known each other?"

"About a year or so" you shrug

"Mmmhmm" the ghoul scribbles down something and continues "now when did he propose to you?"

"Last week" this was so anxiety inducing, for a man with no eyeballs it sure felt like he was staring into your soul.

"Now what drawn you to such a, oh how do I put this, such a man?"

You hear beetlejuice huff out as if he was insulted.

"Well, beetlejuice may be rough around the edges, and can be a dick at times, but he's great company, hes funny, witty, has great taste in movies, and he makes me smile, hes also, well, he's also good looking too" you look away from both parties, as you were clearly embarrassed over what you said, it was the truth, but it still made your face burn.

Beetlejuice leans forward, looking in your direction, eyes wide and mouth a gape, his hair now a bright pink.

"Mr Shoggoth, you look surprised at y/n's words" the ghoul grabs Beetlejuice's attention.

"Heh, you see y/n is the shy type, hearing that type a thing is rare and ALWAYS gets my attention". Beetlejuice slicks his hair back removing the pink and resetting it to its default green.

"Mmmmhmmm" was the ghoul's only response as attention was drawn back to you.

"So y/n you truly are betrothed to Lawrance, you want to be wed to him on purpose?" The skeleton's tone was almost surprised, as if beetlejuice was the most revolting creature in existence and you wanting, out of your own free will to be bound to such a thing, was the most insane thing he has ever herd.

You nod, beetlejuice gives the skeleton a smug toothy grin.

"This isnt a joke, nor is he blackmailing or threatening you?" His tone sounded desperate, as if he needed to prove beetlejuice was lying for his own good.

You only shake your head, while beetlejuice surpresses a laugh

"Ya see bone head? I'm innocent~" he chuckles, squeezing you close to his side.

"Y/n you are aware of what you're doing for Lawrence correct?" The skeleton sounded almost smug, you only stare back, waiting for him to elaborate.

"You see y/n, you are doing Lawrence here a huge favor, when the dead marry the living, they are able to walk the earth like you do, you are granting him life, something he has never had, this is why we must confirm with you, that you understand what he's doing" the skeleton gestures to beetlejuice, the demon only rolls his eyes in response.

"I know"

Attention is drawn to you

"I know all about that life giving thing, beetlejuice told me about it"

"Well you see y/n, this isnt the first time Lawrence has-"

"I know, I was told, by him and the person he tried to marry the first time, small world huh"

The skeleton pauses for a moment then coughs into his fist, as if to regain his composure after being surprised, he continues "I see, Lawrence has been honest with you, I didnt think he had it in him"

Beetlejuice snarls at the comment, tips of his hair turning red.

"Just a few more loose ends y/n then you can return to your rest" the skeleton flips through his papers "ah, Lawrence, y/n may have been couched, and since you seem so eager to speak, I do have a few things I need to clarify with you, if the two of you are in love as you say and this isnt a farce, you would know plenty about your future spouse, when was y/n born?" The skeleton snears as if hes caught you two red handed

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "easy *birthday day and year* hell I woke them up with some early morning birthday head"

You cover your face in embarrassment at that comment, yet you were surprised he knew the year.

"Correct, and might I saw congratulations on a LEGAL partner this time"

Beetlejuice rolls his eyes at the low blow before grumbling "it was a green card thing"

The skeleton ignores Beetlejuice's comment and continues "what drew you to this breather? And please keep it out of the gutter"

Beetlejuice huffs "spoil sport, y/n here is one of the kindest, sweetest, softest breather I ever met, they let me do whatever I want, they want me around, no stings attached, they got great taste, just look at the company they keep, and let me tell ya, the first time we met they sucker punched me in the jaw for scaring them, and I've been dreaming of that swing ever since"

You just stare at the ghoul, he remembered that? He remembered how he first met you? When lydia locked you in the basement and he jumped out at you, successfully scaring you but earning himself a fist in the jaw, wow. Your face felt hot remembering that, what a frist impression.

The night droned on and on with dull questions the suit had lined up to prove beetlejuice was lying, but every question had an appropriate answer, and the skeleton knew he could not prove anything as the night went on.

Low on patience and time he decided call it quits.

The skeleton pushes his clipboard back into his jacket and sighs "I appreciate your time y/n, thank you for your cooperation, and Lawrence, I look forward form your departure of death, a short vacation from you is the pick me up I deserve" the skeleton raises up from your chair and walks over to a wall on the other side of the room, you watch him draw a door, and knock 3 times, you're livingroom wall opens up to the netherworld. You freeze at the sight, you always felt uneasy seeing the netherworld portal open up, maybe it was a living thing? As if beetlejuice felt your discomfort he pulls you into a side hug, grounding your anxiety, you give a sigh of what feels like relief.

The skeletontirns to face the two of you "Before my departure, y/n I do have one final thing to ask you, can you kiss Lawrence for me?"

"What?" You gawk in confusion

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "what? You the type of guy who gets off on watching others get hot and heavy, I mean I feel ya, but if you insist, I can help a guy out" beetlejuice is quick to cup your face "give daddy some sugar~" he purrs puckering up to go in for the kiss.

"Lawrence you misunderstand me, I ask y/n, if you two are truly betrothed, shy or not, y/n shouldnt have any issues kissing their lover" the skeleton gestures to you, without eyeballs or eyebrows he sure wore a smug face, as if he found you two out.

Beej snorts out his nose, great, he's fucked, theres no way you could sell this now, the ghoul had to take the lead and try to steer this away from what this bureaucrat wants "Shy or not, my little sex pot here isnt too keen on others watching, believe me, I tired, the only thing they wont do in the bedroom-"

"Bee, it's fine" you interject, gently grabbing the demons sleeve, he looks at you mouth agape, green slowly blossoming into pink in his face and hair.

"You mind leaning down honey?" You ask softly, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, yes beetlejuice has kissed you more times then you could remember, and yes, youd be lying if you didnt enjoy them, but taking the lead? That was new, and to have someone watching? Not to mention if you dont make this look good he's gonna take beetlejuice away.

Beetlejuice on the other was practically glowing pink, and vibrating with excitment, not to mention drooling.

You gently cup the demons face, running your thumbs across his stubble, you swore you could hear the demon purring, you take a deep breath through your nose before closing the gap between the two of you.

Beetlejuice's hands find homes for themselves, on in your hair, the other on the center of your back. Your hands move from the demon's face and bury themselves in his messy hair, gently giving his head a scratch, you squeak with surprise as the ghoul lifts you up from the ground, instinct kicks in nd you wrap you legs around his waist, lips still locked with his, you feel his tongue probing at you mouth, begging for your permission to enter, you oblige, his tongue wasnt new to you, you felt it a handful of times, running up the side of your face when the ghoul was trying to get your attention mostly, but in your mouth?

It was long, and big, and kind of cold, it easily took the lead, exploring your mouth.

You push on Beetlejuice's chest to notify him you needed to breath, the two of pull your lips part from each others, a thin line of saliva still connecting the two of you.

"Oh Lawrence" you sigh

The demon now completely electric pink, still holding you up growls before asking "couch?"

You hum out "yes"

Before the ghoul flops backwards on the couch, having you sit on top of him, you give his tie a quick yank and he groans in response.

"Oh doll, you're lucky you dont work tomorrow, cuz I want you to ride me all night~"

"Ahem!"

The two of you freeze for a moment, beetlejuice snickers at your face, clearly embarrassed, you pause for a moment, swallowing your shame before addressing the ghoul who was still here

"You're still here?" Was all you manged to breath out

"I mean I'm into it, but y/n? Not so much, and they clearly arent into you watching so" beetlejuice snorts, trying to wave the skeleton off so the demon could relax.

"I see, y/n you clearly are attracted to him, and understand all the consequences of marrying the dead, I declare that Lawrence B Shoggoth was, in fact, telling the truth, this should be a holiday, such a rare occasion" the skeleton trailed off as he walked into the netherworld, you only watched as he vanished and the walls of your little apartment rearranged themselves like it never happened.

You sat top beetlejuice for a moment, sighing over dodging the bullet of losing your, very dear friend, you may or may not be head over heels for.

You're reminded of where you were sitting  with a familiar pinch on your butt.

"Hey honey~" the ghoul purrs

You jerk up at recalling the situation you're in, beetlejuice groans at you movement

"Careful sweets, keep moving like that and you'll turn this semi into a boner" he snorts out a chuckle.

You're quick to get off the demon, though he did grunt in protest, before sitting back up and pulling a couch cushion over his lap, despite how crude he was, he did have SOME common courtesy.

As much fun as it would have been for the demon to tease you on your rather hot actions, he noticed how your attention wasnt on him, rather then you were staring at the wall that was once the door to the netherworld.

"So we did it?" Was all you seemed to whisper

"Yup, I got to hand it to you babes, you did quite a good job fooling that stiff"

You turn back to the demon and give him a soft smile feeling completely relieved.

"You know it's funny y/n, you're a terrible liar, and you sure as hell cant act, you got way too many tells, but yet, I didnt see a single twitch nor did I hear a single stutter, why's that?~" you knew that tone oh too well, it was the 'I know something embarrassing about you' tone, it was smug yet made your legs turn to jelly.

"I guess when it comes down to really important stuff i guess i can-" you stammer while fiddling with the hem of your shirt

"I dont think so dolly" beej was quick to interrupt "babes, you've been wearing my jacket the whole time, I've seen you keep glancing down at the ring, and fuck me, the amount of fire in that kiss, someone like you cant fake that" 

You refuse to look his way, this was one hell.of a way to come clean with your feelings, a heavy silence fills the room, though you're pretty sure beetlejuice could hear your heart pounding away.

As if the ghoul could sense your discomfort, he sighs "ya know babes, it's pretty late, and breathers need to sleep, so how bout you head back to bed and I'll finish grilling you in the morning"

Glancing back at beetlejuice you could see the flicks of purple appearing in the pink mess of his hair, you give the ghouls half hearted smile, as you go to take off the jacket he raising his hand motioning you to stop

"Its gonna be cold tonight babes, how bout you keep it warm for me?"

"Oh, alright, night Bee, glad I could help you" you wave off as you head to your bedroom to over think what just happened.

Beetlejuice groans when he hears the familiar sound of your bedroom door closing, he was so close to getting a real confession out of you, but tomorrow morning is gonna be pretty dangerous for you,  he sighs removing the pillow from his lap, he had a more pressing matter to attend too, and with your taste on his tongue and the beautiful imagine of you on top of him yanking at his tie, this 'problem' wont take long to deal with.

Bonus

The next morning was quite awkward, beetlejuice wasnt kidding about grilling you in the morning, but at least what felt like an interrogation last night, now felt like childish teasing

"Bee, can I ask you something about last night?"

The ghoul beams with excitement at your question "anything you want babes"

"If we would have failed, what would have happened to you, you said you would have been dragged back to the netherworld and" you pause hoping the ghoul would fill in

"Oh, yeah, if we would have got caught I would have had to spend a week in the netherworld with my mother fixing this paperwork and just being chewed out, a nightmare babes, we dodged a bullet" he raises his hand for a high five as if to congratulate you on helping him out

"What, I'm sorry what"

Beetlejuice lowers his hand and frowns at your response

"Beetlejuice I was worried sick, I thought they were gonna take you away forever, i was terrified if i fuck up I'd never see you again, like what am i supposed to do without you?! I dont want you to leave me" you practically screamed

Beetlejuice only started at you, slowly soaking in what you said

'I dont want you to leave me'

His blank stare slowly shifts to a smile, flicks of pink appearing in his hair "dont worry sugar, you're stuck with me"

[intergalxtic]

In The Netherworld

A little one-shot/drabble that’s to short to put on AO3!!

Barbara goes into the Netherwold, and meets someone unexpected...

After Juno died, the Netherworld changed. Miss Argentina became in charge, and her first order was to make the afterlife ever so slightly more entertaining. So instead of an empty abyss, it became a not-so-empty abyss with houses and shops and some boring attractions. 

She also created the waiting room, and made it possible for ghosts to come in and out of the netherworld, in exchange for community service and odd jobs. However, you can only go to houses, or where you died. If you go anywhere else, you get “sand-wormed” as Beetlejuice likes to say.

Today, Barbara is doing her community service. She likes to do all her hours in one day, so she has more time with everyone throughout the rest of the week. She loves spending time with Lydia, her and Adam often help her with the subjects she doesn’t enjoy as much. And Barbara admits, she cares about Lydia as if she was her own. She also loves to hang out with Delia, finding all her quirks interesting, even if it feels like she could snap at any moment. 

Barbara has just left for the Netherworld, ready for the easy stuff she’s been given these past weeks, but is greeted by a grumpy Miss Argentina, talking to herself while shuffling around some paperwork on her clipboard.

“Tina… are you okay?” Barbara questions her strange behaviour. Placing the clipboard under her arm, Miss Argentina rubs the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“Beetlejuice was in here before… he RUINED the reception area, you know how many files are in there?” Miss Argentina sighs, then mumbles something in Spanish. 

“Do you need any help with reorganising?” Barbara offers, her hopes for easy work going straight down the drain. 

“Yes! I’ve already got one other volunteer, but the more we have, the better.” Miss Argentina cracks a small smile, then leads Barbara behind the desk, into a dimly-lit room.

The room seems small, but then when Barbara looks harder, she can see all the shelves that are supposed to be filled with files. Paper is all over the checkered tiles, and Barbara bites her lip to stop her from laughing. Beetlejuice is definitely the culprit. She glances to the side, to see another ghost. Not at all normal, except this ghost looks a little bit like Lydia. Wait, what?

Barbara does a double-take, really getting a good look at her. She had pale skin and bags underneath her eyes. The black fabric of her shirt hangs off her frail-looking body, her hair platinum blonde with dark roots. Barbara assumes she was sick, and that’s how she’s died. 

“Are you done staring at me?” The woman smirks, her voice higher than Barbara expects. 

“Yes, Sorry, I- uh… you just look awfully familiar,” Barbara stammers, snapping herself out of the trance she was just in, and holds out her hand. “I’m Barbara Maitland.”

“I’m Emily.” Emily breaks into a grin, and shakes Barbara’s hand. “Deetz.”

“Deetz?’ Barbara’s mouth falls to the floor, and she is frozen to the spot. “Oh my gosh.”

“What?” Emily pulls her hand away, intertwining them together in front of her, exactly like Lydia does. “Do I know you?”

“No…” Barbara squats to the floor and picks up a file. Anna Brown, aged 43. “But…”

“But what?” Emily takes a file off the floor and flicks it open carelessly. 

“I don’t know how to say this…” Barbara grimaces, a million circumstances running through her head at once. “Your daughter and Charles kind of... live in our house with us. Lydia can see ghosts.”

“She what?” Emily grins even wider than before, then contorts into confusion. “Did they move house?”

“Yes, we live in Connecticut.” Barbara breathes out a breath she doesn’t know she’s holding, glad the conversation is moving smoother than she initially thought.

“Why did they move? We all loved that house.” Emily pushes a stray hair out of her face, then picks up another file. 

“Well… I don’t know one hundred per cent of the details, but I can tell you from when they moved in.” Barbara prepares the story in her mind, taking a pile from the floor. She starts explaining the story, and Emily pays attention to every little moment, as many questions formed in her mind.

“So Charles is getting remarried?” Emily says in a small voice. 

“Yeah,” Barbara awkwardly shuffles her feet, and to her surprise, Emily laughs.

“I’m actually happy for him. Delia sounds… lovely.” She says while placing the last of all the names that started with ‘A’ back into the shelf. “And Lydia got married to a demon then killed him, and now he lives with you?”

“Yes. They are very much like siblings,” Barbara rolls her eyes, remembering the chaos she had to clean up that very morning. “Wait, we forgot one.”

“This one?” Emily looks where Barbara is pointing. She picks up the folder and opens it, shocked to see the name. “Barbara? Do you want something interesting?”

“What?” Barbara her head around, leaving her body behind. Shit. She did it again. Rotating the rest of her body back around, she reaches for the file, to read Adam’s name.

Name: Adam Maitland

Age when died: 31

Cause of Death: Falling through floorboards of their house

Turn page for more statistics

Barbara almost doesn’t want to find hers, but there she goes, searching on her hands and knees. Who knew there were so many Barbara’s? As she searches, she realises maybe hers and Adam’s are connected, because they died together. Just when she’s about to stand up, she finds her name underneath.

Name: Barbara Maitland (née Miller)

Age when Died: 31

Cause of Death: Falling through floorboards of their house

Turn page for more statistics

“Do you wanna find yours?” Barbara asks, putting Adams into the shelf. 

“No, I already looked over mine when I first came here.” Emily shrugs, crossing her arms, examining Barbara’s confusion. 

“Right, you actually went to the Netherworld when you were supposed to,” Barbara whispers loudly, sighing in frustration at the remaining files. “We’re gonna be a while, why don’t we get to know each other?”

“Sure?” Emily giggles a little, and Barbara smiles at the resemblance between her and Lydia. “So. How did you die?”

fin.

Hope you enjoyed!!

[yankyo]

Commission by @witchyrem-ains

No warnings here, just pure fluff and some Beej pining

        Falling in love for the first time was never easy - especially when you were a millenia old demon with a strenuous relationship with the phenomena known as emotions to begin with. But here lay Beetlejuice, completely and uncontrollably twitterpated with no real clue of what he was supposed to be doing here. He knew how to scare breathers, hell he was a straight up genius when it came to making breathers run for the hills, but he didn’t want her to run from him. He wanted her laughter, not her screams, her smile instead of her shrieks. Fuck, he really had it bad for this human. The last time he made her laugh at one of his stupid jokes, he damn near melted into a happy, pink puddle at her side. Remington. The name was enough to get his hair turning pink these days, enough to make his unbeating heart all but leap out of his chest. The demon groaned aloud, rolling from his place up on the roof to instead slither back into the house - he could and has spent hours out here staring at the stars and imagining what it would be like to call her his. To run his fingers through her long, soft hair, to kiss her full lips, to feel her body against his…. hearing her calling him Lawrence. Fuck. Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, he didn’t need another problem that would result in him curling up with the odd pieces of clothing she had left behind, or those odd pieces he had swiped from her home to stuff in the slowly growing nest in his room… he really had a problem here, didn’t he? 

       It wasn’t like he wasn’t trying to keep his infatuation a secret. He flirted up a storm whenever he was in her direct vicinity, but her responses were always playful, never taking his propositions seriously - but fuck she was so cute that he couldn’t even be frustrated with her, not when she would turn to him with those pretty eyes of hers shining with mirth, her cheeks pink with laughter and his innards would do somersaults and his brain would just straight up shut down. And she would head home, not knowing that she was leaving with his heart in her hands. But what was he supposed to do? He flirted, he left little gifts for her - sure usually he was leaving rats and the odd bug he personally found interesting, but they were gifts nonetheless, and he knew she enjoyed his company too. At least, he was pretty sure she did…Barbra insisted the real reason Rem kept coming around was for him after all and Barbra couldn’t lie to save her ass. That and Barbra had to know something about relationships, despite how utterly boring it was, she and Adam had been in a pretty happy relationship for a good stretch of time. Beetlejuice usually saw couples dissolve after death, unable to handle the strain the change caused, but the Maitlands were still going strong and everyone was uncomfortably aware of just how enamored the Deetz couple were with one another. He had played creepy voyeur to the Maitlands for years, but even he hadn’t been prepared to turn a corner and spy Charles with his tongue halfway down Delia’s throat and his hand obviously going up er dress. And how many times did he have to whirl around and protect the young Lydia from such a scarring sight? They certainly had to know what they were doing here, right? For someone as emotionally constipated as Charles to be so clearly happy with his new wife meant he had to be doing something right, right? And Rem got along quite well with both couples, didn’t she? 

       Beetlejuice’s stomach twisted at the thought, but he crept through the house anyways, quickly finding himself idling by the stairs up to the attic, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his suit. How was he supposed to ask for their help? Yeah, their relationship had come a long way, but was he relationship advice close?

       “Hey BJ, do ya need something?” The voice from behind him made him jolt and whirl around, coming face to face with Adam himself. They were getting pretty good with their scares and while he would usually be proud to be taken by surprise, or would immediately be all over the other man, but this time Beetlejuice just stood there, fumbling over his words as he tried to find the best way to phrase this question. “Beetlejuice?” Adam stepped forwards, placing a hand on his shoulder with a concerned look. 

       “Howdoyouaskoutagirl?” The question left him in one breath, his entire body a light, embarrassed pink. Adam blinked, surprised, but a slow smile spread across his face as the words registered.

       “You’re finally going to ask out Remmy?” His voice was far too loud, but before Beetlejuice could even attempt to try and shush him, Babra stuck her head through the door, 

       “He’s asking her out?” She exclaimed, quickly phasing through the door to rush down the stairs. “I told you it was going to happen, Adam was beginning to fear you weren’t going to!” She took his hands in hers, her eyes glittering in excitement. “Don’t you worry, we’ll get you all done up for Remmy!” before he could even think to respond, she was dragging him down the hall, calling for Delia, Adam at his side with an encouraging look. 

       Beetlejuice found himself awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, fidgeting with his fingers as Delia and Barbra fussed over him. 

       “We need to do his hair,” Delia brushed her nails through his hair as if trying to find the right style, 

       “Perhaps get him a nice new suit? Oh one of Adam’s old shirts would look nice, right?” Barbra was examining his old suit as if trying to guess his size. 

       “A bath would probably be a great first step. We should take him to the porch and hose em down.” A sardonic voice spoke up from the doorway. Lydia gave him an amused look as she strolled into the room. “Dad, you owe me twenty bucks. I told you he’d come for help.“ 

       “You made bets?” Beetlejuice watched in shock as Chuck presented his daughter with a crisp twenty dollar bill, the girl taking it with a smug smile and a shrug.

       “Everyone saw the little song and dance Rem and you have been doing around one another, we all wondered who was gonna figure it out first and how it would go down. I bet you would realize it and get frustrated enough with Rem’s obliviousness to come asking for help. Delia bet you wouldn’t realize and Rem would get tired of you messing around and would pounce.” The idea wasn’t the worst, though he definitely couldn’t see Rem pinning him down… that was a thought to enjoy later in his nest. 

       “You all seem pretty certain she likes me, she could just see me as a dead guy she hangs out with.” The looks every single person in that room gave him seemed to be a varying degree of ‘are you joking’, only for each to see just how serious Beetlejuice was and sigh. 

       “We’ve certainly got our work cut out for us.” Delia gave an anxious laugh, to break the awkward silence. “Come on, let’s see what clothing we can get for you." 

----------

       "Are yall sure about this?” Beetlejuice gave his appearance a skeptical look. After a good few hours of prepping, in which Lydia made good on the comment of hosing him down and Barbra found clothing that somewhat fit him, Beetlejuice looked… well he looked like a bloated rat that was half drowned and was dressed by an old, depressed farmhand. 

       “Now, remember, you want to give her flowers when she comes.” Delia had been coaching him the entire time, bouncing off of Barbra as the two women instructed him on how to talk to women. No inappropriate compliments, no coarse language, no dirty jokes, no gross humor, no taking off his head, no eating bugs, no oversharing. Listen to her, compliment her nicely, ask her about her day. He had summoned some pretty flowers to give to her, soft yellow flowers he had often seen blooming outside just beyond his reach. He assumed it was a good choice, when he had shown them off no one had said they weren’t good, in fact they had given him the look one would give an especially endearing kitten. That was probably a good sign, right? 

       Lydia had been tasked with calling up Remmy, inviting her over for dinner and as the hour drew nearer, Beetlejuice found himself pacing the floor nervously. After his last disastrous attempt at cooking, he had been permanently banned from the kitchen, so dinner had been prepared by Barbra and Adam while Delia had set up his room nicely for the ‘date’. Beetlejuice had hidden away the trinkets he kept of Remmy’s and had made sure his treasures were well away from the garbage can as he helped Delia clean up and light some nice candles - the basement was looking quite good if he did say so himself, a nice little table set up already for them. Everything was ready, everything was prepared, but when there came a knock at the door, Beetlejuice was just about ready to hurl himself headfirst into the mouth of the nearest sandworm. Instead, he hid behind a wall as Lydia answered the door and gave her halfhearted line of:

       “Oh dear, a friend of mine from school needs help with whatever, gotta jet.” On her way out the door. Behind her was Charles and Delia, their excuses for why they had to leave something about work and Barbra and Adam had already hopped out into the Netherworld, leaving the house empty save for Beetlejuice and Remington. 

       “H… hey.” Beetlejuice greeted, already sweating buckets as he held out a fistful of dandelions. “Dinner is… it’s ready and downstairs.” Remmy gave the flowers a look, a soft, amused smile spreading across her face as she took him in. 

       “Are you wearing Adam’s old clothing?” She asked with a soft laugh. “It looks like the buttons are about to go flying." 

       "They probably are.” The demon replied, with a glance down. His belly was quite a bit rounder than Adam’s were and he commended the old shirt for it’s attempt at wrapping around his midsection. He led the way downstairs, going over his instructions in his head over and over again. 

       “I’ve never been down here, I didn’t know they made it your room.” Remington commented, glancing around interestedly. “Is that… is that a coffin?” She asked, her eyes shimmering with interest. 

       “Yeah. It’s my bed.” She gave him another look, but instead of the judgement he was expecting, she looked rather excited instead. 

       “Really? You actually sleep in it?” Her excitement made him chuckle, following after her as she made her way through the room. All this time doing up the room and she focused on the coffin, satan or god, whoever is listening, I love this girl. He followed after, unable to help the fond look on his face. 

       “I don’t exactly sleep no, but I do lay in it at nights sometimes. It’s pretty comfortable.” He pulled open the lid, revealing the black and white striped plush lining and an array of stuffed animals he had collected through the years. 

       “Can… can I lay down inside?” She asked and Beetlejuice couldn’t help the shiver that crept down his spine at the question. 

“Be my guest.” She… she would lay in his coffin. It would smell like her. He almost vibrated with excitement as she settled down inside, stretching out comfortably  before she glanced up at him, a soft smile on her face,

       “Come join me.” Beetlejuice almost choked, but stumbled forwards, unable to deny her. Her body was too close, her scent enveloping him as he stiffly laid down next to her. Unfortunately, or rather thankfully she didn’t seem to notice his growing problem and she scooted forwards to lay her head on his chest. “Hey Beetlejuice?” He grunted softly in response, not trusting himself to try and speak. “Is… is this a date?” Her voice was soft, disbelieving. “Lydia said something but… I don’t want to just expect anything without actually…. you know." 

       "I was… well, I was hoping it would be. If, uh, if you aren’t ok with that, I mean, it could just be a dinner..” His voice was a soft, embarrassing squeak, his entire body practically glowing pink. She lifted her head, hazel eyes meeting green, so close he could swear if he leaned in just a hair he could kiss her. 

       “I… I’m ok with it being a date.” Her cheeks were a soft, pretty pink. So beautiful he couldn’t help but raise a hand and cup her cheek, his thumb brushing over the warm skin. 

       “You’re ok with… me?” He knew he didn’t have to explain what he meant, he knew exactly what he was. For such a pretty breather to actually have interest in him and want him as he was was a fantasy he didn’t typically indulge in. Remmy leaned in, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks as she gave him a soft kiss. 

       “What’s not to be ok with?” The smile she gave him would have stopped his heart if it hadn’t already stopped beating so many years ago. “You’re perfect.” Beetlejuice all but melted, leaning in to kiss her this time, the kiss soft and lingering. He knew the dinner was getting cold at the table, but he couldn’t give it another thought. Not with his girl in his arms. He’d steal some take out later and give her a real Beetlejuice date. As soon as he could reassemble the liquidated remains of his brains and pull himself away from her welcoming arms. 

[hellfirenacht]

The Convention Fic Chapter 2

Note: I’m so humbled and overwhelmed by the amount of love that the first chapter got. Thank you all so much for the comments and reblogs! 

First Chapter

((Gamer Beej picture by @edgy-drama-queen​))

Months Earlier 

You laid in your bed, huddled under a hundred covers. Beside you, a mountain of used tissue and a few discarded empty bottle of assorted flavors of Gatorade. Your brain felt muddled and your nose wouldn’t stop running, every part of your seemed to ache as you scrolled through Twitch, trying to find anything that would keep your attention. You were sure that once you did settle on something, you’d be able to comfortable space out, but while you still had the strength to be picky. 

The small cold that you had woken up with had steadily gotten stronger through the day. It was now in full swing, and completely kicking your ass. It was two in the morning, and after sleeping on and off all day you were awake (for better or worse). You wanted something easy to watch, or at least entertaining enough to keep your mind from thinking about how everything ached, or how your nose was chapped from blowing it all day. 

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE (LIVE)

The thumbnail was simple, and it looked like it had just started. There wasn’t much of a description but you found yourself clicking anyway. Once loaded, you were mildly surprised at what you saw; a man looking to be in his early thirties, with green-ish hair (possibly copying Jack...?), scruffy face, and way too close to the camera. 

“Is this- can you guys see me? Say my name three times if you can’t see me!” the man said messing with the camera. You set your laptop to the side and laid down so that you could type with one hand and watch at the same time. You mumbled his name three times as requested, even though you could see him. 

“It’s showtime, gamers!” he said. “I don’t have anything planned for tonight so let’s just boot up steam and play what seems like fun!”

You watched for the next ten minutes as he scrolled through his steam library and picked out a clicker game. 

“Apparently all you do in this game is click your mouse over and over to kill monsters.” he said. “Doesn’t sound too exciting but I’m more in the mood to talk to all of you!”

You glanced at the viewer count in the corner, there were barely 10 people, wait, 9 people in the chat. However, the way that he talked it was as though he was talking to thousands of people. 

As he played his clicker game he asked questions to the chat, he seemed to have a gimmick where he acted like he was dead or a demon or something; you honestly couldn’t tell which in your half-dead state yourself. The few times you participated in the chat, you just responded with simple yes or no answers to his questions.

As the night went on and you continued to doze in and out of sleep, Beej continued to talk. He talked about his friends Barb and Adam (“They turn me on!”), and someone named Lydia (“She’s my best friend!”). At one point you think you caught sight of a blond woman and managed to type out “hi Barb.” which surprisingly got caught his eye. 

“Wow, two words from BlankFace!” He laughed. “That’s a new record! HEY BARB MY FRIEND SAYS HI!” 

Friend? Sure, why not. You couldn’t help but smile as he continued rambling about the time that he tried to teach them how to be scary. It was a silly story, but it made you fall back asleep for a bit more. 

It was nearly six in the morning when you cracked your eyes open again, surprised to see that the stream was still going. Though by this point, you were the only one left in the stream. He wasn’t talking anymore, having switched over to Minecraft and was running around with TNT blowing stuff up. 

“Hi” you managed to type, and a few seconds later he smiled. 

“Heya there BlankFace!” he said. “Thought you died there for a few hours!” 

“almost” then “sick” was your response. 

“Wait, if you’re sick, shouldn’t you be asleep or in bed?” he asked, frowning into the camera. 

You thought for a second, on how to respond to this man who you barely knew, and yet already knew way too much about. (Though at this point, you weren’t quite sure what part of the stream was real and what part was a fever dream). Why had you stuck around for this long on the stream? You knew the answer, and decided to be honest. 

“Lonely” 

He stopped playing for a moment, looking at the word that had appeared on his screen. If your face hadn’t already felt too warm from the fever, you would probably feel embarrassed by your honesty. 

“You want me to keep talking or just keep playing?” he asked, the energy in his voice softened slightly. 

“Yes.” was the last thing you typed out before falling asleep again. 

Friday (Morning)

“It’s showtime, gamers!” Beetlejuice yelled into the camera that he had shoved in your hands. “It’s day 1 of the con and I’m down here with everyone’s favorite BeetleMod! Hey babes say hi to everyone!” just as quickly as he had given you the camera, it was now being snatched out of your hands and pointed at you.

You weren’t sure how much you wanted to be on camera at the moment, being so exhausted already but you knew it’d be easier to go along with it for right now. “Hey guys! I made it to the con!” you said. 

“Alright, enough of the eye-candy.” Beej said, handing you back the camera. “It’s 2 in the morning-”

“Three.” you corrected. 

“Time means nothing when you’re dead.” he replied. “It’s really fucking late and we’re down here in the arcade with a bunch of imported games that aren’t on the computer so we’re gonna play some and our favorite mod here is gonna help me out.”

“I’ll kick your ass at DDR.” you said. 

“Oh, is that a challenge?” he asked, smirking at the camera. “We’ll see about that.”

“Bring it on, bug boy.” you replied. 

The two of you made your way to the DDR machine, and spent the next 20 minutes waiting in line to play. Even in the middle of the night and so early in the convention, it was surprisingly crowded in the arcade. The basement lights were off, save for a few flood lights along the walls and the glow of the many different arcade machines. There was something surreal about standing next to Beej under the neon lights. His green hair seemed to glow even more, and you wondered if there was some glow-in-the-dark hair gel that he used. He often used a multicolored ring light  to convey emotion, but as you waited and talked to him, for a moment, you could believe that his hair could change colors so easily. 

“How do you get your hair to do that?” you asked, looking up at him. 

“Do what, babes?”

“The color change thing. It looks like your hair is almost glowing.” at your words, you could have sworn it glowed brighter. Though that could also just be because of the games flashing around you. 

“I’m a demon, that’s how we work!” he replied, faking offence. “I thought my best mod would have known that by now.” 

“You know, the camera’s off.” you said. “You don’t have to keep putting on a show for my sake.”

He looked at you for a moment, his fake offence shifting to an emotion you tried to grasp; embarrassment maybe? Surprise? Maybe a mixture? He shook it off quickly though and wrapped his arm around your shoulders again. 

“No show here, doll.” he said with a smirk, and your heart jumped in your chest at the new nickname. “I am 100% demon.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I thought you were ‘the ghost with the most.’” 

“I am!” he pouted. 

“So are you dead or are you a demon?” you questioned. “You’ve never been fully clear on that.”

“I’m dead on the inside.”

“Oh, same.” 

The two of you laughed and his arm stayed around your shoulders until the two of you were up next. From what you knew about him, he was a very physically affectionate man. On stream, he wasn’t one to hesitate hugging and smooching whoever happened to be on camera with him. Beej had no problem hugging Lydia or kissing Adam on the lips. It led to a lot of questions about his sexuality and relationship status. When asked, he said his sexuality was “yes” and that he was happily dating the Maitlands, which Adam and Barbara denied every time. 

Anyone who dared make any inappropriate comment about him and Lydia would be banned on site; a job that you had to do more times than you wanted to admit. Disgusting. 

Still, even though you were sure that the physical contact was only as a friend as you watched the last pair of dancers do their three rounds of DDR you allowed your mind to wander a bit. You imagined for a moment what it would be like if this weekend was one long date between the two of you. Would he use more nicknames? Would he introduce you to people as his partner? What if the two of you were sharing a room and there was only one bed-

“Looks like we’re up, got the camera ready?” He asked, hopping onto the small stage. You made quick work of getting the camera back on and setting it on the slightly busted tri-pod that Beej had produced from his bag. After making sure the angle was right, you hopped on next to him, taking the right pad. 

Before the two of you had made your way to the front of the line you had agreed to a few rules for this game. It was best 2 out of 3, and you would both be playing on normal mode.

“You pick the first song.” he said.

You scrolled through the easy songs first, needing a warmup. When was the last time you had played this game properly? It seemed like so long ago that you had a chance to play. 

The first song was an easy song that you remembered from your younger nerd days. It took you a second to get into the rhythm of it but halfway through you had found your groove to a degree. 

You won the first round, and the two of you smiled at each other before he picked the next song, a little harder this time but you felt more or less confidant. 

The beat of the song rattled your insides as you pounded onto the metal stage with your sneakers. You focused as hard as you could on the screen, trying to keep your feet where they needed to be when it was time to stomp. This round was a little harder, and more taxing on you. Though you won the second round, you were nearly doubled over panting. 

“Looks like you win, doll.” Beej said, looking at the screen. 

“Yeah but we still got one more round. Go ahead, I’ll let you pick.” you offered, being a gracious winner. 

He immediately stomped on the hardest song of the game. 

“Oh geeze, are we really doing this?” you asked with breathless laughter, standing up again. 

He looked around, almost as if to make sure that no one was paying attention. “I think it’d just be a fun challenge.” he shrugged. 

The fast music started up again, and you found it near impossible to have your eyes focus on the arrows that were flying across your screen. Though the first two songs had provided enough of a challenge, this one was near impossible to keep up with. You lost track of your feet and within thirty seconds you were hit with that game over screen. 

You glanced over at Beej, surprised that he was still going. He wasn’t perfect by any means but he was still somehow not losing. Your eyes glanced down as his legs, blurry with the speed he was dancing at and you rubbed your eyes, feeling like something was wrong. You really must be way more tired than you thought, because for a few seconds you would have sworn that Beej had three legs. 

Still, even if he did have three legs that didn’t help him win the final round. Though he lasted a good minute in the level, it wasn’t enough to win. The game over screen flashed and he was booed off the stage by the imaginary crowd. 

“That... was really impressive.” you said, grabbing the camera again as the two of you moved out of the way for the next set of dancers. “How did you move your legs that fast?!”

He winked at you. “Trade secret, doll.” he replied. “Once you’re a true DDR master, then you’ll know.”

“Dude, I kicked your ass though.” you replied, following him towards the next row of games. “Shit, did you let me win?!” you demanded. 

“Hey watch your language!” he teased. “You’re a mod you gotta set a good example for the kids!”

“What kids, most of your streams are marked 18+.” 

“18+? In my-”

“Good Christian Discord server?!” you both finished at the same time, laughing at the dumb inside joke. 

That’s how the next few hours went with you and Beej. You walked around the arcade, playing games, roasting each other, and giving your opinions on the games. When you weren’t filming him, you were filming the general area getting some good b roll footage of the night. You were constantly swapping between looking at him through the lense and looking at him in front of you. It seemed so unreal that he was actually there and talking to you and touching you in person. 

You secretly hoped this weekend would never end. 

The battery in the camera died around 6 in the morning, and you let out a long yawn as you helped pack it back up. 

“I’m exhausted.” you said, feeling yourself hit a wall. “I’m gonna head back to bed soon and crash. What time is the... thingy?”

“The what?” Beej asked, amused. 

“The thingy you wanted to do tonight. The Friday surprise... thingy.” Oh yeah, your brain no longer existed. 

“Don’t worry about it, you just go get some res- hey, woah!” he jumped slightly and held you upright as you wobbled against him. “Are you okay?”

“...Sleepy...” you mumbled into the hoodie. 

“Okay, what’s your room number, I’m taking you back. I don’t need my favorite mod passing out on the escalators and getting shredded to pieces.” he said, holding you tight against his side. 

“4130.” you mumbled, too tired to disagree and say you could make it yourself. 

You held onto him as he led you through the small crowd of people that were just waking up or also headed to bed. He felt both warm and cool at the same time with your head against his shoulder. The cloudiness of your brain reminded you of the first time you had watched his streams months and months ago. 

“HOPE UR FEELING BETTR!” the message in your inbox said the next day. You almost forgot that you had attempted to watch a stream last night and had confessed that you were sick and lonely. 

“I am, thanks!” you replied. You still mostly felt like crap, but you were conscious enough to at least reply to the message the streamer left. 

“IF UR STILL LONLEY U SHULD JOIN MY GROUP CHAT!!!!” 

You managed to open the door to the hotel room and immediately dropped your badge, your bag, and your pants in that order. 

“Nice undies, doll.” Beej snickered, not even hiding the fact that he was looking you over, and that’s when you realized what you had done. “And here I thought I was gonna have to buy you dinner first.” 

You attempted to hide your embarrassment as you went to your bag and dug out a pair of sleep shorts. “Shhhhhhh....” you whispered, pulling them on. “You didn’t see anything.” 

“Right, I totally didn’t see you lead me up to your hotel room, invite me in, and drop your pants.” he replied, still smirking at you. “If that’s the reward I get just for walking your home, I can’t wait to see what happens after our date tonight!” 

“...Date?” you suddenly felt a little more alert as your head jerked towards him. “Tonight is a date?” you asked again and you saw Beej’s face suddenly turn to panick as well. 

“Hey, you’re really tired I’m gonna let you go now get some rest and text me when you wake up. Later, doll!” he said very fast and quickly left. You wanted to run after him, and demand an explanation for what was going on, but you were still too tired. You had barely slept in the last two days out of excitement and nerves. 

‘This is a problem for Afternoon Me.’ you decided, crawling into bed and rearranging the pillows the way you liked. The blackout curtains blocked the rising of the sun and you felt a mild twinge of mourning for the breakfast pass for the hotel that would go unused today. Sleep came easily and quickly as the last thoughts that passed through your brain were of Beej’s arms holding you close. 

“Looks like we’re getting more people in the group chat lately.” you said over voice chat. 

“Do you wanna be a mod?” he asked you to your surprise. “You could help make rules and stuff and make sure no one says anything inappropriate about Lydia. Or Adam. Only I’m allowed to say inappropriate stuff about Adam.” 

“I’d love to!” 

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