#he's just so far in survival mode all the time and the narration is a DEEP 3rd person limited

[denizenhardwick]

for the entire three books i was actually so far in neil's head that very few of his actions even registered as weird to me until i read people describing them on tumblr later. i was with him for everything. it'll be really interesting to see what else i can notice on reread.

[noctarcanum]

24 és 1 az oc cuccra Dakotarol

dude you picked excellent, lore fitting questions, d i v i n e if you see a typo or anything no u didn't

1 ) What memory would your OC rather just forget?

Dakota already forgot a lot of things due to trauma and magic frying his brain here and there. His lack of memories make him a very unreliable narrator. The huge gaps in his life are a constant source of conflict that he can't do much about, so if that man wants to forget something, you know it is bad. It is not an entire act he wants to forget, just one second, right at the end of the first 'book'. Dakota follows his intuition and goes down on a selfish path so he can learn magic from an ancient being not yet known to him. All they know is that it is very far away and not something one easily survives. In the meantime, a lot of shit goes down in the middle of the city (that I don't want to get into bc its spoiler-y ahah) and Dakota and James can be easily blamed for them all - another reason for him to go. But James begged him to not leave. Never asked, only begged. Dakota looked back once, and saw his face, the desperation and misery in his eyes.

He didn't regret leaving, only looking back, because that sight would haunt him for a long time. He hates it, because the very memory of it can make him question everything. And the fact that he felt bad for a billionaire out of all things

24 )What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

THIS is also an excellent question bc it is explored a bit in the story !! Dakota attended a prestigious boarding school thanks to an anonymous donation to gifted folks. From there, the Orion City University of Magic was one step away... except, before his graduation year, the state withdrew almost all funding to magical education, meaning there were only paid places in every major. Having no support system after high school, he started working right away any job he could find. His skills as a mage were quite needed, even without a university degree, but they quickly led him to borderline illegal jobs. After he saved enough money for his first year in uni, he had a criminal record and could no longer apply. He loved learning and researching, he would've made quite the academic weapon. Sooner or later, he probably would've become a teacher at some point, because he loved doing alternative approaches to everything.

With that degree, he wouldn't be in constant survival mode and wouldn't suffer form PTSD (or at least not with severe symptoms) after having to live on the streets. He could actually allow himself to focus on relationships and hobbies, just general wants that are past basic needs.

Art is from 2022, an old concept where James and Dakota were the same age and in the Academy together. (Then I made James a lot older and had him attend fancy business school back in Japan)

[kit-williams]

Kinda shameless self insert? With my ADHD ass it makes it hard to try to do reader/yn fics so here's a shameless self insert and yeah anything I write is gonna be ADHD coded. First time writing for this fandom OH BOY and first time writing in awhile.

Some idea backstory its the year 2020-2021 but "Goblin" is from 2023 and suddenly a bunch of fictional men are real. This short is set after all the fun plot set up of "why they believe you" and dealing with your clearance having ass that can just open up lovely bits of information for them. (yes I wanted to skip the hard part of setting up plot) Oh and her phone still seems to be connected to back home so there was a fun moment of accidentally showing Soap his Wiki page "Why am I K.I.A?"

Goblin is Female, is 30, is American, was married, and has ADHD I guess you could say unreliable narrator too?

This is super unbeta read so I guess enjoy my insane ramblings

They really shouldn't make obstacle courses so much fun. I think as I just swing back and forth on one of the ropes over the mud pit, something I would worry about later. I couldn't stop this one impulse it just looked too fun and nobody was using it. I've seen soldiers just do a casual run through of it so why not just have a little bit of fun. I sigh as I continue to swing back and forth and spin slightly. There wasn't much for me to do today but Price was adamant on making sure I was earning some wage, but hard to keep a coding Goblin happy.

Was weird to find out that there was a version of myself here so no sense in going to try and woo my alternate husband... I've accepted the fact that this is not a dream... but hey I get to try and see if the lotto numbers from back home work here and I can give myself a nice stack of cash, Nikolai is such a wonderful man and knowing my dumbass I won't notice a damn thing. That's been the hardest thing... going from sleeping in a bed with another person to being alone... no warm body next to yours with an arm wrapped tightly around you. Muttering for you to not go to work and just stay home... god and living on my own for literally the first time in my life is going as awful as I dreaded. My nuro ass can't thrive alone only survive... momma raised a survivor but I was so use to not being in survival mode with my husband that it stung to go back.

At least Soap or Johnny was nice enough to stop on by occasionally of course he'd make it worse at times... triggering me and making me all antsy. Thank Jesus for Simon or Ghost... I couldn't tell if he was still mad at me calling him Simon when I first saw him but now he just helps. I think he was the first person to pick up the fact that I could hardly live alone.

I had to be thankful that Gaz and Price were married and that I didn't have the four of them mother henning no I only got two though. I continued to swing back and forth without a care in the world. Though I started to get a care... I looked down at the mud in the pit. It was a good drop compared to the side of the mud hole. Just a swing to the side. I gripped the rope tightly as I would move my foot out and get unbalanced but I was so focused that when I heard Johnny say if I needed help it made me discombobulated.

Ghost rushed over after hearing a distinctive shriek and Soap howling with laughter. He rushed over in time to see Johnny's face get covered in mud as their tech Goblin crawled her way out of the mud. How she just smiled at him as he walked over and she just simply shrugged. "Yeah not my smartest lack of impulse as I'm now muddy for the rest of the day. But! I did figure out my coding issue! 'Scuse me gentlemen!" His hand shot out before she could get too far.

"Yer not going to get the computer room muddy." Ghost said as if it was obvious.

"But I don't have a change of clothes and I have an inspired moment." Goblin said but let out her screech as she was just picked up and taken over to the women's barracks.

"You need to shower hen. I'll get you something while your clothes are tossed into the wash."

"Fine. But I'm blaming you when I forget my eureka moment."

"Yeah I can live with that." Ghost said pushing her inside to the showers.

-----------

Goblin was the best way to describe her. She was small, loud, and weird. Not given the fact she was from a few years in the future and the fact that they all existed as video game characters but her quirks, her knowledge, and just the way she carried herself. Soap and her could feed off of each other till she crashed and that is when Ghost would have to intervene. She spoke less and less about her life back home... the lads she left behind as it seems that life continued on and she was still there.

She was giving up on the fact that this was a dream as well... and for the two of them she was opening up how painfully lonely she was. She could see her old life right there being lived by another version of herself. For Simon he knew for her it was akin to the trauma he went through... all of her nets and family and friends basically gone. Ghost could help her keep grounded and well Price offering her a job to have some cash for her to spend on hobbies helped. But more often than not she was at the base unwilling to go home alone where there was no one to soothe her mind.

Soap was eager to fill that void for her, perhaps it was misguided in the sense of he was thankful to her, but Ghost enjoyed the way they would just sit in silence and a few times she thanked him for just sitting in the same room as she played a game, drew, or whatever she did to stave off the pending breakdown. Though she joked that she was like that song Tubthumping she always got back up again. But Ghost was worried when she wouldn't bounce back.

[the-nysh]

I think one thing that is bothering me is what exactly did Garou learn? After the time travel, we know current Garoua development stops with him encountering God. With everything he did before that I guess I’m not understanding how Garou is just “taking” all this? Unless, you know, this has to do with him subconsciously feeling that he lost already. I suppose Tareo could also be another factor. I feel like I’m gonna have to wait until the next chp to get these answers😅

I feel like I might be repeating myself a lot but in contrast to the stuff the manga’s been clearly spelling out, now there's a lot either left heavily implied thru Garou's expressions or purposely(?) unvoiced unlike the end rants/speeches that explained everything in the wc (like literally, beyond the manga’s narration that his future self subconsciously had an effect on his sense of 'acceptance' without resistance, current Garou still hasn’t been able to make sense of things voice his opinions on everything yet - that’s still unresolved.) Unless the manga never decides to clean up all those loose ends on his side (which would be odd), either his story’s been left incomplete (open-ended) to continue in later arcs or we'll hopefully get more answers cleared up in the epilogue ch.

Still, once he learned it was impossible for him to be the strongest top dog as ‘absolute evil’ (as the one who'd eliminate all injustice other monsters and defeat all other heroes on his own to incite everyone in survival mode to unite & change for the better under his constant 'fear' whew that's a lot to accomplish!) when there was an oddball hero like Saitama who both mocked him & retriggered his worst trauma and who was too absurdly strong for him to defeat anyway. THEN for all he knew some unknown monster (god) tricked Garou into thinking he was 'high' again, and THEN some unknown force punched him out of NOWHERE (caused by his future self + Saitama shenanigans) making Garou think there was something else far stronger beyond even the 'baldy' he already couldn't defeat - like wtf is he supposed to think. 8′D Other than the world will always deal him a shitty underhanded blow where he’ll never get a ‘fair’ chance.

So in all of his confusion, ALL Garou could understand at that point was to expect the only thing that comes next: his awaited end and the 'deserved' killing blow at the hands of the heroes. Who, in his eyes, would only gang-rush him and kick him when he's already down in the name of 'justice' as he's always been used to. :') He’s already been familiar with that treatment ever since his childhood; nothing changed his expectations (disappointment) there. (If anything, the heroes ganging up on him only reaffirmed the worst, so ‘do it and get it over with fools; what are you waiting for!?’) Because if Garou ultimately failed to change anything of value thru his own actions or methods, and he subconsciously knew it was over too (from his future self), then what else awaits him? His incoming death. He already expected what the established way of the world's 'justice' would do to him~ As bleak and morbid as that belief is.

But then!!! The only thing that did change and surprise his expectations was when Tareo rushed in on his behalf, and King (!!!!) followed suit in support. :O To stop the violence and speak up against what was wrong (injustice.) And....what had Garou actually been hoping to incite all along? This time the change (chain reaction) in their behavior wasn't caused by his 'fear' - but it was still because of him in a different way that he didn't expect to receive - their sympathy and support to save him. Thanks to how much he’d always saved and encouraged Tareo. :’) Now Garou observed how someone weak he’d always protected (Tareo) could bravely stand up against the mob to come to his defense, and how someone with ‘status’ (King) could support the weak to enforce that ‘justice’ just with his nonviolent presence alone. :O (Garou doesn’t know King is also one of the ‘weak’ who’d been encouraged to stand up and take action cause it’s the right thing to do.) And well, before Garou could make any sense of that or even speak for himself, others still came in to preach over him and decide things about his life for him, so....really, to be fair, he needs his space to think.

As long as he doesn’t misinterpret Tareo & King intervening on his behalf, or the others sparing him or forcing him to live when he was already prepared to die, as a disgrace... But if Garou learned that because of him, the weak and some heroes were encouraged to take action not thru the influence of his fear (which failed), but thru something else he managed to bring and inspire within them instead...ooooh, then that’s probably an epiphany in the right direction. :O After witnessing how his actions (even unexpectedly) had worth to affect someone’s life for the better, and how he’d never failed to ‘save’ the one he’d always wanted to first (Tareo), especially when it became Tareo’s turn to be strong and stand up for Garou’s sake. :’)) If anything, beyond the path of ‘absolute evil’ (which failed), and beyond the type of unjust behavior in ‘heroes’ he’s never liked or wanted to be like, Garou sees a third way for the true justice he’s sought to exist (thanks to himself) in this world...!! (When he knows where he can Be There, in his own way, to ‘save’/encourage more weak kids to be braver and stronger like Tareo...? We’ll see what Garou thinks of King’s support for Tareo too.) So yes, I hope we do get more voiced (and not just implied) insight from Garou’s side on what he’s learned & realized after everything!

[lovee-infected]

Hello Geo-san, just read your post on Malleus's birthday. It says that his only relative is his grandmother and she still rules the Valley of Thorns. There are theories that his grandmother is none other than Maleficent herself. If that's the case, there are two options here, either she survived her encounter with Prince Phillip or the TW timeline is following the 2014 film. Where she's still alive and ruling the Moors, maybe renamed as the Valley, alongside with Aurora. We'll just wait and see.

I've actually been thinking about this myself, that was much of a shoking reveal!

Aside from revealing the fact that Malleus's parents are dead, this somehow dropped a bomb on "Maleficent being Malleus's grandmother theory"

The main discussion going over the fandom regarding the topic is whether his grandmother is Maleficent or not, which is a really important question!

As someone who strongly supported this theory before this reveal, I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if Maleficent isn't actually his grandmother, but on the other hand, the possibility of her being Maleficent and still alive would face some strong contradictions in the story:

First off, let's flash back to where this theory begun in the first place:

In Malleus's personal chats, we can find Sebek complimenting Malleus's performance after the classes, telling him that he'd even surpass the witch of thorns herself one day!

Malleus immediately objects to it, saying his powers barely come close to his grandmother's.

Well, to think that they were actually talking about Maleficent but all of a sudden Malleus mentioned his grandmother instead, left us qith a great possibility of him being Maleficent's grandson, to the point that many, including me, considered this theory as canon! But now I highly doubt this theory, even though I wanted it to be confirmed true so much. But since we have more information to seriously discuss the matter right now, here are my thoughts whether this theory is still acceptable or not, which is mainly explaining what would happen if they're actually using the 2014 and 2019 live action movies as a reference:

1) Maleficent being alive would totally WRECK Silver's character development and design!

Come to think of it, there would be no Silver if Maleficent is still alive! Silver's twisted logo is the sword, and the one and only famous sword in the sleeping beauty classic AND the live action movie is the one which slayed Maleficent.

So... If Maleficent's still alive -> There hasn't ever been a sword which slayed her -> Silver doesn't have any special or specific symbol/ character which he is twisted from!

While his name might have something to do with the live action version, where they strongly used Silver to defeat Maleficent, it can also be referring to the fact that dark fairies would immediately be wounded if touched with Silver, which is most likely because of Yana's studies in the fae mythology field (Like how she chose ice cream as Malleus's favorite food since fairies love cream) which isn't necessarily bound to the live action version. But since the sword is Silver's most important role in the game, we can't really stick with the live action version because not only didn't we have any special swords in the live action version, but there also would be a big confusion if there hasn't ever been a sword which slayed Maleficent and Silver is twisted from!

In summary, I'd be honest and say this out loud: Maleficent HAS TO be dead because we need the Silver sword to exist somewhere in the story!!!

2) History of 'Classic Maleficent' vs 'Live action Maleficent'

one of the main points which needs to be considered in this matter, is how different Classic Maleficent and Live action Maleficent are. Maleficent is the very first Disney live action to present a totally different face of a well-known Disney villain such as Maleficent, which also led to a considerable growth in both "Maleficent" and the classic version of "sleeping beauty"'s popularity at the same time! But while 2014's Maleficent was an absolutely amazing movie (to at least) and nearly turned Maleficent into the most beloved villain of Disney's history, the live action (especially the 2019 version) received some strict critiques regarding how they pictured Maleficent: Many of the fans were familiar and attached to the original Maleficent, the mistress of all evil who had control over the powers of hell itself. A REAL villain and an absolutely perfect one. But the live action Maleficent wasn't meant to be a villain, the live action narrated a totally different story from what the classic was.

Though it didn't really lessen the movie's popularity, there were fans who begun to dislike this version of Maleficent after the 2019 version and their reason for disliking the movie actually made sense, the live action went TOO FAR with creating a second Maleficent, almost to the point of not being anything similar to the original, that strong villainous sense they were expecting to see in Maleficent had disappeared.

Now let's talk about twst, what is twst about? Villains. It's basically the world of villains. We need that evil, menacing and demonic sense of villains to be brought back to life through this twisted vessels, as it's confirmed that this school's students have villainous souls. From the Heartslabyul chapter till now, the Pomefiore chapter, his is all we've dealt with: Absolute villains. Each chapter is about a dorm leader (expect for Kalim) discovering and revealing their villainous spirits, which leads to an overblot. They want them to see just as evil and reckless as the original villains, which is why they put them into a mode such as overblot, where they're controlled by a puppet in the shape of one of the great seven.

Is such a story, where they need to make each of the main characters be as evil as possible, choosing live action Maleficent (who is a half villain, half hero character) not only is debatable but ia also a big contract to the previous chapters as they all followed the original villains' stories!

I guess we can all agree that Diasomnia's quite special compared to the rest of the dorms, but going as far as using a different source in character development and plot design compared to the rest of the characters and dorms seems to be a bit too much- I don't think Diasomnia's design and development is planned to be THAT different.

3) Key points about fhat has been officially mentioned in twst

Personal chats are VERY important to go through while doing a character analysis, they're such a wealthy and perfect source of information regarding each and every of the characters!

As for Diasomnia, each and every of the members mentioned something about the witch of thorns and her background, which directly leads us to how and who is the twst's Maleficent:

Lilia: Explains how Maleficent's Chronicles spent 16 years looking for a baby in a cradle -> This only happened in the classic! Live action Maleficent never sent any of her minions to look after aurora as she never had any!

Silver: Explains how the King of a well-known kingdom forgot to invite Maleficent and offended her with this, he wonders what kind of King would ever do such a disrespectful thing? -> Original Maleficent was offended and mad just because she wasn't invited, while the Live action Maleficent was betrayed by the King Stephan, Aurora's father who intentionally refused to invite Maleficent. Keep this in mind that Silver said forgetting to invite her, which is exactly what happened in the classic and King and Queen seriously forgot to invite Maleficent, not to intentionally avoid and decide to keep her away from baby Aurora like what happened in the live action.

Malleus: In his chats with Lilia, he mentions how The witch of thorns once invited the prince of as enemy Kingdom into her own castle -> This is again, something which only happened in the classic, referring to the scene where Maleficent captured prince Philip and imprisoned him inside her castle. Live action Maleficent didn't even have a castle to begin with, note that all she did was to take Phillip to Stephan's castle to give Aurora a chance to live.

Malleus: He explains how The Witch of thorns could turn into a dragon -> Live action Maleficent never turned into a dragon, she just once turned her crow, diaval, into a dragon (2014 ver.) and turned into a phoenix (2019 ver.). The only Maleficent which could and did transform into a dragon is the one we know from the sleeping beauty classic.

Hitting with the lighting: This is something Malleus is capable of doing, he both did this to Sebek back in the manga anthology and threatened Rook with it -> Again, this is something which the original Maleficent and herself only could do.

There are quite a few of other orginal Maleficent references you can find if you carefully go through the story and voice lines, but I'm not going to mention each and every of them because I believe I've already discussed this enough. Note that while there are tens of original Maleficent references in the story, there hasn't been anything mentioned about the live action Malleus so far expect for fan content and stuff.

Obviously, they're using Original Maleficent as the main reference. The question is whether they're using the live action too as a reference or not.

4) A summary + Existing debates

Aside from all of the current theories and headcanons, I guess this is all we can tell about the canon information revealed so far. But before we end, I'd like to add a few of small notes:

Lilia has never referred to the Witch of thorns as Queen of thorns, it's not quite specific to tell but it seems like Queen of thorns and Witch of thorns are indeed to different people.

But then again, why does Malleus bring his grandmother up in the middle of a discussion about Witch of thorns? Could it be that he just used her mother as an example since her too, is a very powerful magician but not exactly the witch of thorns herself, or...??

There hasn't been any information revealed regarding the great seven's current position in twisted wonderland's history, how long ago has their stories taken place? Could it be that some of them are still alive? Did their stories end just the same as orginal stories or did they decide to twist the endings as well?

The main reason why I think Maleficent cannot be alive now is not becuase she died in the original story, it's becuase of Silver, which has already been explained in part (1)!

At last, I'd like to add a final note to this piece: Even if the "Grandmother Maleficent" theory turns out to be wrong, many of the fans are already enjoying the eixisting fanon twst content which are using the live action as a reference! The most popular reference is probably with Malleus's back, where many artists decide to add two wounds on as a reference to what happened to Maleficent's wings in the live action. This is personally one of my FAVORITES and I just love it when artists draw the wounds, though the possibility of Malleus actually having wings is pretty low! We can almost call it impossible lol. The thing is, from how the story has gone so far we can assume that they aren't going to use the live action at all, but if they do, that'll be quite amazing and interesting to discuss!!

[iimpavidwrites]

Benzaiten Steel and the Fragility of Perception

or: reasons why setting boundaries is important #1283

I’ve figured out a reason why Benzaiten Steel stayed with his mother instead of doing the “sensible” thing and moving out. I think that it’s possible, too, that Juno has always been aware of the answer but, in the scope of Juno Steel and the Monster’s Reflection, he isn’t able to face it head-on because it contradicts his black/white, either/or sense of morality.

TL;DR: Despite Juno Steel’s unreliable narration we are able to see clearly the enmeshed relationship Benzaiten had with their mother Sarah and the ways in which that unhealthy family dynamic shaped Juno Steel as a person.

Sources: 50% speculation, 20% lit crit classes, 30% my psychology degree. 

Juno’s perception of Ben is shallow and filtered through the limitations of human memory. We all know by now, too, that Juno’s an Unreliable Narrator™.  In light of this, we need to ask ourselves why it is that Juno remembers Ben as happy, supportive, and only ever gentle in the challenges he poses to Juno. Throughout the episode, Ben’s memory is clearly acting as a comforting psychopomp: he ferries Juno through the metaphorical death of his old understanding of his mother (and also himself) and into a new way of thinking. He does this through persistent-but-kind questions, never telling Juno what to do or how to do it. This role could have been played by anyone in Juno’s life (Mick and Rita come to mind first) which makes it telling that Juno’s mind chose Ben to fill this role.

Juno’s version of Ben is cheerful, endlessly patient with Juno and Sarah, and above all he is compassionate. He acts as a mediating presence between Juno and Juno’s memory of Sarah and he doesn’t ask a whole lot for himself. If this is Juno’s strongest memory/impression of Ben’s behavior and perspective, then we can draw some conclusions about the roles they each played in the Steel family unit: Juno was antagonistic to Sarah and vice versa, and Ben was relegated to the role of mediator for the both of them.

Juno: She’s just evil. Ben: That’s a big word. Juno: “Evil”? Ben: No, “Just”.

We can see in this exchange that Ben is a vehicle for the compassion Juno needs to show not only to Sarah but to himself, too, in order to move on and evolve his understanding of his childhood traumas. 

This is not necessarily an appropriate role for a sibling or a child to hold in a family unit.

In family psychology, one of the maladaptive relationship patterns that is discussed is enmeshment. Googling the term you’ll find a lot of sensational results (e.g. “emotional incest syndrome”) that aren’t necessarily accurate in describing what this dysfunction looks like in the real world. This is in part because enmeshment can present many different ways. So, in order to proceed with this analysis of Benzaiten Steel’s relationship with his mom, I need to define enmeshment. 

Enmeshment occurs when the normal boundaries of a parent-child relationship are dissolved and the parent becomes over-reliant on the child, requiring the child to cater to their emotional needs and to otherwise become a parent to the parent (or to themself and/or to other children in the family). This is easiest to spot when a parent confides in a child as if they’re a best friend, disclosing details of their romantic life, expecting the child to give them advice on coping with work stress, and similar. Once enmeshment occurs, any kind of emotional shift in one member of the enmeshed household will reverberate to the others; self-regulation and discernment (e.g. figuring out which emotions originate in the parent and which ones originate in the child) becomes extremely difficult for the effected child and parent. When an enmeshed child becomes an enmeshed adult they often have issues with self-identity and interpersonal boundaries. For example, they may struggle to define themselves without external validation and expect others to be able to intuitively divine their emotions. After all, the enmeshed adult could do this with their parent and others easily due to hypervigilance cultivated by their parent and they may not understand that such was not the typical childhood experience. These adults are often individuals to whom the advice “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” is often relevant and disregarded. They may perceive their own needs as superfluous to others’-- and resent others as a consequence.

Another layer of complication is added when the parent in an enmeshed relationship is an addict, as Sarah Steel was. The enmeshed child often times becomes the physical caregiver to their parent as well and must cope with all the baggage loving an addict brings: the emotional rollercoaster of the parent trying to get clean or the reality of their neglecting or stealing from their child to support their habit or their simply being emotionally absent. Enmeshment leaves children with a lot of conflicting messages about their role in the family, how to conduct relationships, and how to define themself.

We only get an outside perspective on this enmeshment in the Steel family. It’s clear in the text that Juno’s relationship with his mother was fraught. He jokes in The Case of the Murderous Mask that she didn’t kill him but “not for lack of trying”, implying that Ben’s murder wasn’t the first time Sarah Steel lashed out at Juno-- or thought she was lashing out at Juno but hurt Ben instead. During the entire tenure Juno’s trek through the underworld of his own trauma, Juno asks the specter of Benzaiten over and over, “Why did you stay?”. This is a question that Juno himself can’t answer because Ben, when he was alive, probably never gave him an answer that Juno found satisfactory. There are a few possibilities, which I can guess from experience, as to what the answer was:

Ben may never have been able to articulate that his relationship with their mother left him feeling responsible for her wellbeing. 

Or, if he ever told Juno that, Juno may have simply brushed off this concern. After all, as far as Juno was concerned, Sarah was only ever just evil. To protect himself from his mother’s neglect and codependence, Juno shut down his own ability to perspective-take and think about the nuances that might inform a person’s addiction, mental illness, abusive behavior, etc.

It is likely that Ben thought either his mother needed him to survive or, alternatively, that he couldn’t survive without her-- as if often the case with children who are enmeshed with their primary caregiver. It was natural and necessary for him, from this perspective, to stay. Enmeshment is a very real psychological trap.

It is often frustrating and hard as hell to love someone who is in an enmeshed relationship because, from the outside, the damage being done to them seems obvious. See: Juno’s assertion that Sarah was just evil. Juno is, even 19 years later, still angry about Sarah Steel and her failures as a parent and as a person. His thinking on this subject is very black-and-white. He positions Sarah as a Bad Guy in his discussions with Ben-the-psychopomp and the childhood cartoon slogan of “The Good Guys Always Win!” is repeated ad nauseum throughout Juno’s underworld journey. This mode of thinking serves two purposes:

First, it illustrates the role Juno played in the household: he was opposed to Sarah in all things and Sarah did not require any compassion or enmeshment from Juno. Juno was, quite possibly, neglected in favor of Ben which would create a deep resentment… toward both Sarah and toward Ben. This family dynamic would reinforce Juno’s shallow moral reasoning and leave him with vague, unachievable ideals to strive for like “Be One of the Good Guys” or “Don’t Be Like Mom” -- ideals that he can’t reach because he is a flawed human being and not a cartoon character, creating a feedback loop of resentment toward his mother and guilt about resenting Benzaiten. That guilt would further bolster Juno’s shallow memory of Ben as being infallibly patient, kind, loving, etc. 

Second, Juno’s black/white moral reasoning is an in-text expression of the meaning behind Juno’s name. When “Rex Glass” points out that Juno is a goddess associated with protection, Juno immediately has a witty, bitter rejoinder  ready about Juno-the-goddess killing her children. Juno was named for a deity who in some ways strongly resembles Sara Steel and he resents that he is literally being identified as his own mother. Juno-the-goddess has one hell of a temper, being the parallel to Rome’s Hera. Juno is not a goddess (detective) who forgives easily when she (he) knows that a child (Benzaiten Steel) has been harmed. This dichotomy of “venerated protector” versus “vengeful punisher”  causes psychological tension for Juno that is only partially resolved in The Monster’s Reflection. The tension is not fully resolved, however, because Juno never gets a clear answer for the question, “Why did you stay?”

The answer is there but it is one that Juno doesn’t like and so can’t articulate: Ben is enmeshed with Sarah who named him, of all things, Benzaiten and that is why he stayed. We’ve already seen that names have intentional significance in the text. Benzaiten is hypothesized to be a syncretic deity between Hinduism and Buddhism, is a goddess primarily associated with water. Syncretic deities are fusions of similar deities from different religions/cultures; their existence is the result of compromise and perspective-taking and acceptance. Water, too, is forgiving in this way: it takes the shape of whatever container you pour it into... not unlike a child who is responsible for the emotional wellbeing of their entire family unit. Not unlike Benzaiten Steel.

Ben stayed with his mother because his relationship with his mother was enmeshed, leaving him little choice but to stay, and this ultimately led to tragedy. Sarah Steel’s failures as a parent are many and Juno still has a lot of baggage to unpack in that regard, especially where Ben is concerned. It’s unlikely that we’ll get the same kind of “speedrunning therapy” episode again but I know that The Penumbra is committed to a certain amount of psychological realism in its character arcs so I am confident in asserting that Juno Steel isn’t finished. Recovery is a journey and he’s only taken the first steps.

[shinelikethunder]

So I mentioned offhand in another post that my read on Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions in s3 is that she’s trying to manipulate him into killing Hannibal before Hannibal can come kill her. I’d like to expand on that a little, because tbh it’s one of the more opaque parts of the show, and NBC Hannibal is a show that’s already cagey about coming right out and saying what it’s doing. Even this reading is kinda provisional--it’s the only explanation I’ve come up with that makes sense to me so far, and I’d welcome discussion and alternate interpretations.

I’m working off a couple of base assumptions here:

Despite the show’s appearance of sometimes moving from one bizarre tableau or inscrutable conversation to another on pure dream logic, and despite how well it holds up when you watch it in “sure, this might as well happen” mode, when we’re shown something happening it’s usually because it advances some character- or plot-related story beat. Likewise in-universe, characters don’t do things for no reason, they have an agenda (or multiple conflicting agendas), even if Hannibal’s agenda is almost always “fuck around and find out.”

Bedelia’s overriding motivation is her own survival. If she’s involved in a situation, she needs to be able to maintain control over it; if she can see it going south to a point where she’ll lose control, she’s ready and willing to peace the fuck out entirely. Once that prerequisite is satisfied, she’s also motivated by curiosity--at least partly because access to information, which can then be withheld or selectively revealed, is her main lever of control--and probably some amount of paradoxical attraction to danger and violence. She doesn’t experience much if any compassion; her horror of violence is mainly at the breach of control it implies and the creation of a situation that could very quickly get out of hand.

So. What’s going on in Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions? Well, the first angle of attack there is--why the fuck are Will and Bedelia having therapy sessions anyway? What’s the agenda? Will’s the easy one there, he’s overflowing with agenda--questions and resentments about what happened in Florence, a reactivated need to understand his own relationship with Hannibal, a need to talk things over when he “can’t just talk to any psychiatrist about what’s kicking around my head.” But Bedelia? She has peaced the fuck out. Why’s she getting involved again?

Process of elimination time:

She’s not taking patients for shits and giggles. The only one who’s ever convinced her to make an exception to her retirement is Hannibal, who had an extraordinary amount of leverage over her at the time. And she seems to be making a killing on the lecture circuit, so it’s not like she needs the fee.

She’s not particularly interested in Will for his own sake. She’s heard enough about him from Hannibal to do a competent job of dissecting him, but doesn’t make much or any effort to learn more. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s the only psychiatrist on the Dark Psychiatry Murder Show to demonstrate no professional curiosity about him whatsoever. She only knows him in relation to Hannibal (his patient, his friend, his victim, his nemesis, his ex...) and that’s still how she relates to him in their sessions.

She doesn’t particularly like Will either, and she sure as hell isn’t trying to get on his good side.

She might be enjoying the opportunity to talk over her own relationship with Hannibal in a way that’s significantly closer to the truth than anything she can say in public. But it’s also a risk, and she manages it carefully--both the disclosure of information, and her getting involved at all.

The most in-character motivation turns out to also be the one that makes the most sense: Bedelia’s trying to save her own ass. She’s seen where the pieces are on the board: the Red Dragon, Will being brought back to consult on the case, Will inevitably consulting Hannibal. She’s seen that Hannibal is once again in a position to exert influence, stir up trouble, and potentially seize an opportunity to escape and come after her. She knows Will exerts more influence on Hannibal than anyone else in the world. So what’s she going to do about it? What's she trying to persuade him of?

Well, let’s take a look at the lines of conversation in her sessions with Will:

Perhaps most surprisingly to him, she’s the first person to spot Hannibal’s whole Murder Husbands/”we’re just alike” conception of Will’s potential and flat-out tell him it’s not going to work. As inconsistent as his compassion may be, it’s just as deeply rooted as his attraction to violence and neither one is going away--they are in perpetual tension except in the rare situtations where he feels like violence is the compassionate thing to do to prevent suffering.

If he was hoping to somehow save Hannibal, “manage” him, or push his monstrousness in more tolerable directions, well, look how well that turned out. Bedelia tried it too in Florence and, again, look how well that turned out. 0/10 do not recommend.

No matter what, as long as he and Hannibal are in each other’s orbits, they’re both absofuckinglutely stupid with mutual obsession and neither of them will be able to turn away.

Hannibal has hurt him terribly and will continue to hurt him as long as they’re within each other’s reach.

“The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead. It might save you a great deal of trouble.”

I don’t know about you, but it looks an awful lot to me like Bedelia’s systematically going through the 3 Endings of All Hannibal Fanfiction and telling Will to get a fucking grip because all of it’s impossible. Can’t live with him. Can’t live without him. Just as she steered Hannibal to his “I have to eat him” epiphany in Florence, she’s trying to steer Will to the conclusion that the only possible ending here is with one or both of them dead.

I’m still chewing over where that goes in the last couple episodes of s3. So far my best read on that is that Will is stubbornly resistant to being steered and it drives Bedelia up the goddamn wall. Thus her incandescent fury and brazen emotional manipulation when she thinks he ought to be laser-focused on what Hannibal just tried to do to his family, and instead he volunteers for a half-baked plan that ends with someone he despises getting thrown under the bus. She’s got an incredibly slim case for pinning the blame for Chilton’s fate directly on Will*, and she must know it because she’s pushing his buttons like crazy to sell it to him. But she’s genuinely furious--and, Bedelia being Bedelia, it’s not out of moral indignation or compassion for Chilton. I suspect her line of thinking is that if not even this is enough to get him vengeful against Hannibal, and instead he’s pulling stunts like the TattleCrime article, well, she’s acutely aware that she’s on the list of people Will despises. Maybe she’s directly in the line of fire, maybe she’s just acceptable collateral damage, but either way Will’s "solutions” are creating a risk for her where she was trying to eliminate one.

-

* Will’s entire contribution to the plan was “So I really bad-mouth the Red Dragon in TattleCrime and give him a shot at me to lure him out”--he intended to assume all the risk. Alana was the one who suggested a professional voice to validate the trash-talk. She also volunteered Chilton for the part, explicitly because he was a fame-seeking idiot with his head too far up his own ass to see how much danger he’d be putting himself in. Being one of the four people in the room to watch Chilton dig himself into a hole, then adding the finishing touch of “let’s split the picture credit 50/50 too!”, makes Will kind of a dick for going along with it. But like fuck does it entitle him to the credit for engineering the whole situation. He wanted to put Chilton at risk--the exact same potential risk Will himself was assuming, in exchange for his shot at the same reward.

Bedelia’s out on a limb here and she knows it. If she had an actual case, she wouldn’t have to resort to openly manipulative jabs at Will’s sore spots about touch, external influence on identity, and fostering false trust. Or recycle Hannibal’s “Was this a potential outcome you foresaw? Congrats, that’s participation!” tactics for fostering false complicity. Trying to manage the risk of someone else’s violent behavior and failing isn’t “participating” in violence unless you’ve got a vested interest in shifting the blame. Bedelia’s not a reliable narrator here, and she blames Will for Chilton... why? Probably because she was angling for Hannibal to be the one he threw under the bus.

[jade-doodles-questionmark]

On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza

Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.

there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.

it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.

More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:

Angelica:

what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.

In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part). 

Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander. 

I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.

I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).

She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.

Alexander:

I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.

I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.

To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.

Eliza:

Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”. 

ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either. 

The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more. 

i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all. 

unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol. 

side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.

Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks! 

if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit

[rabbitsfeet]

My theory on episode 13

I think, satoko killed teppei

Basically she hasn’t been taking her disease shots this entire time, she messes with teppeis food or medicine when she gets it for him, done deal. She was acting kind of off while she called keichi and after too. At the festival she acted exceptionally forward with the nii nii stuff and was like shaking?? It didn’t seem like she was in a normal headspace

That’s why she stays at the house despite “teppei being arrested” , she’s guarding the body, I don’t know what happened with acab man and child services when they went to check out the house though? It’s a possibility acab man killed child services man or steered and distracted him away and never checked in the first place if we beleive he started blasting at the festival, and if so satoko is our last narrator on where he was last, that could be unreliable. Plus another thing that adds to me thinking the police and child service man never showed up is because, why would they leave an abused child all alone after arresting her guardian? Granted she did live alone beforehand but, directly after everything?? Not taking her to a clinic or staying with anyone to supervise her ?

I’ve seen the theory that she wasn’t being physically abused this time around which??? I don’t get. She didn’t have bruises in the shower because it’s been established that teppei is careful not to leave marks and keeps her home if she does have marks. (Plus if she killed him 👀).

I think then when keichi is at satokos house he sees teppeis dead body. And we get a very obvious hallucination, cause I mean his eyes, this part I think I don’t know or aren’t really too sure about

But I think he might’ve gotten something confused with the bat satoko was trying to give keichi and teppeis dead body. I think keichi might’ve paranoia style killed satoko thinking she was teppei with the bat. This however doesn’t exactly explain his head injury or his memory loss just that apparently he’s a magnet to those this time around. My only guess is far fetched which is too many brain worms.

With acab man at the festival the only thing I got was Rena survived, the only other people were people from the three great families. It might just be the sub but she doesn’t say acab man killed those people just that he showed up and had a gun. I would say keichi showed up there paranoia mode and acab man shot him (his head injury) but Rena explicitly said that it was a good thing he wasn’t there, which leads me to beleive this event was simultaneous, and keichi really did pass out after. I just think there’s something funky going on with acab man, like i really don’t think he showed up to teppeis house and I think at one point he decided to carry out his own sense of justice? I. Don’t. Know. Lol me and Rena is on the same boat.

[drivingsideways]

The Rebel Princess review/ spoilers upto ep 12

Under the cut

At the end of 12 episodes I have to say I’m..underwhelmed. I mean, I knew going into a 68 episode drama that it was going to be really slow for most parts, but it’s still hard going even with low expectations.

I think the first thing that threw me was Zhang Ziyi playing a 15 year old. Don’t get me wrong- I don’t think it’s her looks per se that make it unbelievable-she’s incredibly youthful and beautiful, of course. And I’m well aware of the sexist double standards re: casting, and I’ve generally always hated it when older actors are cast in roles of teenagers or people about two decades younger than they are! It’s just that I don’t think she’s suited to the cutesy/naive A’wu that we meet in the initial episodes. You can see the effort she’s putting into it and that makes it all the more apparent that she isn’t that character. I just didn’t buy into the performance, I think. It’s only in episode 12, in the scene where she learns about her father’s and aunt’s lies re: Xiao Qi that I felt that spark you feel when an actor is totally in sync with their character in a scene. (Her earlier “big scene” after the wedding felt more ho-hum to me, though heaps more engaging than anything that had gone on before then.)  

But Zhang Ziyi’s strained performance is not the only problem I’ve had with this part; it’s that fundamentally I just can’t buy into the idea that A’wu is the person she is when we meet her- seemingly utterly unaware of how the society around her works, or her position in it? She’s reached marriageable age- though not by modern standards of course-  i.e. she’s entered into adulthood, and is presumably not unintelligent or entirely blind, but she seems downright surprised by the fact that she should be expected to marry for reasons other than love, or that other people around her, in her family even, have done so. I can buy that she thought she would be the exception to the rule, because she has been pampered all her life, but she seems actually astonished that the rule exists! Or that other people may be ok with not marrying for love, but have other considerations (See early conversation with Xie Wanru regarding Xiao Qi).  It speaks to a laziness of characterization/ world building for me. We are meant to accept A’wu’s incredible naivete re: marriage as plausible for a woman of her age and  societal position, in the same breath that we have to accept the multiple rape/ threatened rape storylines as historically accurate/ plausible because women were tightly controlled as a class. Watch me roll my eyes so hard that they’re falling off my face. 

But I’m hoping to god that now that we’ve put the “woman-child” part of the story behind us, things will improve! 

The other thing I feel that keeps me..whelmed..is the general pov choices. The story is ostensibly being told by A’wu- she is literally narrating it to the audience. Yet for extended periods we have to leave her pov to get all the plot machinations in place. There’s also a time skip of approximately 6-8 months after her marriage to when we meet her next; in that time, she seems to have made peace with the fact that the great love of her life whom she sacrificed her life for turned out to be a wuss, and also somehow magically “grown up”. The naive A’wu we saw has disappeared and instead we have grown up A’wu who’s quite capable of manipulation and running a household (and from spoilers I’ve seen, become adept at military strategy etc). I mean, it’s GREAT, for the character, but the transition feels sudden, presented like a fait accompli. I wish we’d gotten to see those 6-8 months in Huizhou is what I’m saying, or even earlier hints of her talents and interests. But we were stuck in “I’m a young, pampered princess in love, I have no thoughts beyond getting married” mode for like ten episodes. If they’d laid a little more ground then, and also given us some more of those 6-8 months, I would have enjoyed it. But then, I suppose that requires an entire different kind of story telling focus. This show, despite being titled “The Rebel Princess” doesn’t seem to really be about *her *. That’s probably an expectation mismatch between me and the show (I haven’t read the novel or any of the press/ previews etc), so I’m having to swallow my disappointment a bit! 

As usual, and this is specifically a me thing, I admit, I’m more interested in the “supporting” characters than in the leads. And again, specifically me-thing, I love the awful ones the MOSTEST. 

I LOVE Wang Lin. I love the actor, I love the scheming, and I honestly think he’s literally the only character that makes any kind of sense in this story so far. Am I supposed to be horrified that he’s willing to barter his daughter for retaining the family’s power? On the contrary, I think A’wu needed a solid dose of reality and maybe a little time living her maid’s life so that she could understand just how right her dad is. *shrug hands emoji * . I’m  50 x more interested in Wang Lin and Jin Ruo’s Terrible and Complicated Marriage than in Xiao Qi and A’wu making doe-eyes at each other, sorry, not sorry. 

I also love Xie Wanru; I know she’s probably going to come to a terrible end, after getting her shot at being Supporting Villainess until the Real Main (Male) Villain can fully take over etc. Still, she has done nothing wrong in her life and I fully support her in her quest for revenge. 

Su Jin Er’s story in Ep 11/12 was incredibly poignant and heartbreaking for me; even though I objectively understand that what she did to Zidan was rape. I know she’s also being set up as plot point for Xie Wanru’s villainy to bloom, and idk, will probably die in the next few episodes. Alas. I shall have to write the fic where Su Jin Er survives her punishment and goes on to live happily ever after with a beautiful boy of her choice and lots of money from idk black market trading of grain or something, I accept this and I will do it. 

Surprise entrant for GIRL I AM ROOTING WITH ALL MY HEART FOR is A’wu’s sister in law, who’s fucking the second prince and refusing to produce a Wang clan heir right under the nose of that Incredibly Smart Villain  Daddy Wang Lin;  honestly that reveal was the best second best thing the show has done so far.

The best thing the show has done so far was when a giant bat swooped down and kidnapped A’wu from the marketplace in ep 11...I was HOLLERING. 

Anyways, I am going to keep watching mostly for my queen Zhang Ziyi, spoilers I’ve seen in the tag indicate that the next set of episodes will be actually good? *cross fingers *

[tigerstripedmoon]

[1/8] Much in the same way that Ironwood's character (or rather, the potential) was butchered by the writing in order to make him a dictator (despite all logical evidence to the contrary), do you think Salem's character was written in such a way that the ambiguity of whether or her choices are influenced by the pools is inherently miscommunicated? As she's portrayed in the show there's no getting around the fact that she's an abuser. But I also keep thinking about Jinn's throwaway line from V6 –

Sorry for the delay in answering this, but I just took an impromptu 4-hour nap. (I’ve been fairly seriously ill and recovery is slow.) So let’s see how to handle the most problematic woman in RWBY....

I think whether or not you see Salem’s status as poorly-written victim of circumstance, a straight-up abuser, or uwu hit me mommy salami (and if it’s the latter gtfo my blog ew), is largely dependent on 1) how familiar you are with the tropes, 2) how familiar you are with the causes and effects of abuse, and 3) whether or not you see female-on-male abuse as being just as serious as male-on-female abuse.

Let me explain.

First, we do need to address Jinn’s throwaway line re: Salem as a being of ‘pure destruction’. Jinn is, emotionally, an unreliable narrator--we can tell this in how judgmental and harsh she is throughout ‘The Lost Fable’. She talks down to Ozpin, makes snide comments about both Salem and Ozma during her 3D slideshow, and is even shown to be smiling at his despair when giving Mustache!Ozma her ‘You can’t’ proclamation. 

Mostly, we need to admit that Jinn exaggerated things.

Salem isn’t a being of pure destruction. Salem has agency. Salem didn’t do jack shit for centuries after her dip in the oozy jacuzzi. She was perfectly able to love and accept and create--the exact opposite of destroy--when she reunited with Ozma 2.0. Was she destroying and cruel? Yes! She treated the second wave of humanity like roaches, BUT she also adored and doted on her children and husband. It wasn’t until Ozma refused to let her use their children to repopulate the world with their magic babies (which, if you think about it, would have locked him and all his hosts into her breeding stock--and also possibly their children) that she went full-on kill mode. Which....isn’t all that different from what happened when the Gods refused to give Ozma back to her, before the dip in the Grimm goo. She tried to kill the Gods, the people she viewed as taking away what she wanted--just like Ozma did with their children. (He was absolutely right to remove them from that situation, but that’s a rant I’ve made before and won’t rehash.)

The Grimm pool didn’t incite that behavior. It was always inside her. It just amplified it.

So, the pools are influencing her, sure. But they aren’t the sole source of her behavior and I think RT was kind of clumsy in showing that. Mostly because they have a massively shitty track record in portraying male victims of abuse as anything other than butt monkeys (Ozpin, Oscar, Whitley) or people to be reviled (Adam). They’re happy to show female victims of abuse as survivors and as deserving of the sympathy that they (rightfully!) get, but when it comes to male victims of abuse? RT seems to think they deserve what they get, and I’m honestly sick of it.

Anyway, to get back on track: unfortunately, most of the FNDM doesn’t know how, or just don’t want, to think critically when it comes to RWBY. They go no further than the shallow spoonfed ‘what-you’re-told’ top layer without ever looking at what’s really shown. Frankly, initial author intent doesn’t matter if that’s not what ends up on paper or in the show. You might not have intended to portray abuse victims as being laughingstocks, but you did! You might not have intended to say character X is evil, but you did! And now there’s chaos everywhere and people are hurt emotionally and fans are at each other’s throats. Intent only matters insofar as that gets shown in the final piece, to me. Because the viewer isn’t a mind reader and what we may think of as intent could be miles away from the writer’s actual intent. Our assumption of intent is, more or less, as useless as a headcanon without confirmation.

So, back to my initial three points. Would Salem be more sympathetic if she was shown to be more torn, or heavily influenced by outside forces? That would depend on the person and what I outlined. Abuse is a heavy thing and something a lot of us have endured in our lifetimes. It’s a difficult thing to confront in media and do so in an appropriately sensitive way. So let’s go over my three conditions.

1) how familiar you are with the tropes: I say tropes, but I really mean ‘the way media presents abuse’. Abusers in real life and media tend to be manipulative and grandiose, and see themselves as doing nothing wrong, or doing what they do for the betterment of the survivor. Salem fits the classic abuser archetype pretty well, all things considered. And honestly, I could write an entire meta about how well Ozpin fits into the archetype of abuse survivor.

2) how familiar you are with the causes and effects of abuse:  Abuse changes the survivor--quite literally, as abuse and PTSD causes parts of the wiring in the brain to be remapped and alters the brain’s neurotransmitter levels. This is particularly severe in childhood abuse. As for the abuser, they often come from an abusive background themselves--which Salem does, as we learn in Fairy Tales of Remnant. She grew up in a place where she was stripped of most everything, denied access to people and love by a cruel father, and latched on to Ozma as a result. She also, in the process of rescuing herself, led hundreds of men to their deaths and showed no remorse for doing so.

This is a partial explanation. It is in no way an excuse. In the end, there is always agency--free will--choice. And Salem made the choice to be abusive. She’s still making the choice now. 

3) whether or not you see female-on-male abuse as being just as serious as male-on-female abuse: RT clearly doesn’t see this as a problem, from how they’ve shown it on screen. A good chunk of the FNDM doesn’t either. And this is a huge problem, because it should be taken seriously. People say it’s rare for female-on-male abuse to happen, but the truth is we don’t actually know how often it occurs due to massive underreporting and authorities not taking it seriously. Society treats it like a joke or blames the man, because men who are abused are seen as ‘weak’ or ‘sissies’. In RWBY, we have the dual issue of Salem being depicted as dominant, powerful, with full sex appeal on display, the classic ‘step on me mommy’ fetish dream; while Ozpin is depicted as gentle, cautious, a touch androgynous in look and with all the compassion and care that goes directly against the archetype of the strong male authority figure. I don’t think it’s unrelated that people are quick to blame Ozpin and absolve Salem, when looking at the character personality types.

I should probably add a forth one here: whether or not you yourself are an abuse survivor. I’ve come to notice since v6 that a lot of the people most upset over Salem’s actions are people who have survived (or are still affected by) domestic/familial abuse. I think that knowing exactly what it’s like to be in that position gives a certain... not nuance, but understanding. It also makes it a lot harder to watch, and to be neutral. I fully admit that I have a hard time being neutral on this subject because I am a survivor, and Salem’s actions remind me far too much of the abusive people I’ve known.

I do think it would have been interesting to get a Salem who was actively shown to be fighting against her ‘programming’, so to speak, and had hints of goodness still in her. But that’s not what we have, and that’s not honestly what we were ever given. What we were given was a traumatized woman who leaned into her backstory and let herself become a horrible person even before her dip in the Grimm pools, and who has ridden that train right into abuse territory. Is her story tragic? Yes! Do i feel bad for her? Yes, only inasmuch as I feel bad for, say, Adam. Adam had the hints of what had to have been an awful childhood too, but that doesn’t absolve him of his crimes or mean he deserves to have the redemption story. It’s nice to think that everyone deserves it, but they 1) have to acknowledge that what they did was wrong and 2) no matter how much they work to fix it, that doesn’t mean that the people they wronged has to forgive them. Forgiveness is not a guarantee nor should it be. They should want to be better people because they want to be better, not because they want to hook up with their dead lover. 

So, is Salem culpable? Depends on whether or not you think she’s in control of her actions. To me, she’s absolutely culpable. Irredeemable? Mmm... maybe not? I don’t think I’d mind too much if she was shown about to start some kind of redemption, but leave Ozma/Ozpin/Oscar the fuck out of it. An abuse survivor should never, ever be required to redeem their abuser. That’s just sick. It’s like... if an alcoholic killed your kid, and the court turned around to the kid’s parents and said ‘oh hey, BTW, I know this guy killed your kid but you have to pay for his rehab and make sure he goes’. Gross, right? Same principle.

How you view Salem is up for debate. What we have isn’t that ambiguous, but... in the end, I’m not really even that interested in her story. I’m interested in seeing how her victims learn to thrive despite her.

[makeste]

killing is not so easy as the innocent believe

or, some follow-up thoughts on Hawks, and chapter 265.

you guys this chapter has got people in some kind of way though. myself included lol.

it’s never a good thing when I get an ask like this on a Wednesday. and SURE ENOUGH, lmao. hang in there anon we’re in this together.

I love how all three of these asks seem to be implying that Hawks is basically toast. death certificate all but signed and notarized. which is reasonable to be fair!

regarding Machia though, after giving it some thought, the fact that he was mentioned when he didn’t have to be leads me to believe that Fatgum is correct, and he will not be making an appearance. it’s possible this is just the manga attempting to catch us off guard, but if Horikoshi wanted to do that, he could have just as easily bided his time and made no mention of him at all until he suddenly came barging out of his hidden basement room at an inopportune moment. going out of his way to say “hey remember Gigantomachia? yes well he is in sleep mode at the moment so not to worry” is kind of a waste of time unless it really is true. could be wrong on this though!

regarding the voice recorder/communication/mystery device thing, I now have a brand new ridiculous theory on that thanks to a chat with @blessedgirthma​, but more on that shortly. 

now then, let’s talk a bit more (or, to be honest, a lot more) about Hawks.

lol y’all I am being called out. but in seriousness, this is honestly one of my favorite things about doing the recaps though. the fact that my reactions are recorded for posterity for better or worse. the thing is, when I’m actually reading the chapter for the first time, it’s a complete rollercoaster lol. it’s just whiplash reactions to stuff (which is why 90% of it is dumb jokes because that is my honest instinctive reaction to 90% of everything) and speculating wildly on the spot. and a lot of times it is way off.

one of the things that particularly impressed me about this latest chapter is the fact that Horikoshi was genuinely able to manipulate my emotions so effectively and make me so anxious about the fates of both of these characters in the heat of the moment. not every writer can do that! in fact it’s pretty rare for a shounen manga in particular to actually get me to really start doubting and wondering whether a character is actually going to die. because let’s be real guys, it’s a rarity. especially with this particular series. and even when people do die, they come back as OFA ghosts, or they’re brought back to life as Kurogiri, or they never died to begin with and they’re currently trying to kill Hawks, etc. so on top of the shounen manga tropes, we also have comic book “no one is ever truly dead” tropes. so yeah.

so the point I’m leading up to here is that I don’t think Hawks is actually going to die. I know it’s ridiculous; I know he was just set on fire and isn’t looking too hot (ha) right now, but again. it’s a shounen manga. other characters have survived (1) breaking their arms a dozen times, (2) having holes of all shapes and sizes pierced through their lungs, (3) everything All Might and AFO did to each other at Kamino jesus christ, (4) having their entrails spilled out, (5) being crushed by a water tower, (6) pissing Todoroki off during the climax of Heroes Rising, (6) being blown up from the inside out by a quirk, and (7) having their eye sliced open and being blasted through a building and falling fifty feet from the sky onto the hood of a car while on fire. and this is far from an exhaustive list. this is an off-the-top-of-my-head list. yeah. so neither Hawks nor Twice is actually dying if this is anything to go by.

now then. I said I was going to talk about Hawks, so let’s talk. first off, I just want to make it clear that I’m not part of the pro-Hawks faction, or the pro-Villains faction, or whatever. I’m in neither of those factions, or both of them. or whatever you want to call it. basically I love Twice and I love Dabi and I love Hawks. and recent events have not changed this at all, except perhaps to make me love them even more. but anyway, just wanted to put that on the record. and yes, I told Dabi to set Hawks on fire, and I would say it again too, because Dabi setting Hawks on fire potentially saved both Hawks and Twice, so yeah. homicidal though it may have been, it was good timing all the same, Dabi.

so Hawks! let’s talk about what actually happened in this chapter. “um Hawks tried to kill Twice, is what happened.” well, not quite! what actually happened is that Hawks said he was going to kill Twice. and then... he didn’t.

lol, yeah. eyeroll-inducing technicality there, I know. wishful thinking, naive, willfully disregarding what we actually saw in favor of trying to support my own interpretation of the character. absolutely that’s what it is! but since we all acknowledge that, might as well continue down this line of thinking and see where it leads. so indulge me if you will.

so. three things:

(1) Hawks is a spy. he lies. he lies all the time. when Horikoshi wants us to know what he’s actually thinking, he shows us.

so naturally the reason I bring this up is just to point out the fact that throughout all of chapters 263, 264, and 265, we have not actually seen a single one of Hawks’s thoughts (assuming Caleb is correct in his translation of 264). he’s making speeches, he’s trying to plead his case to Jin, and we see a ton of Jin’s thoughts. but none of Hawks’s. not so much as an ‘I was afraid of this...’ or ‘his quirk is too dangerous, I can’t let a single one of the clones slip through’ or any of your typical run-of-the-mill fight narration we might normally expect to see for a scene like this. there’s nothing. and what this tells me is that Hawks’s words may not in fact line up with what he’s actually thinking.

(2) Hawks is hesitating. we know how fast he is. hell, even if we didn’t, this chapter would be all the evidence we need. but we do in fact have plenty of other evidence.

these things are deadly. each one is solid and we’ve seen he’s capable of using them like bladed weapons. if he wanted to, he could stab Twice through the heart in the blink of an eye. look at the precision he used to tear his mask open (to distinguish the real Twice from the clones) without actually harming him. he wouldn’t even have to move. but he is deliberately holding back and trying to stop Twice in other ways -- by pleading with him (“I don’t want to fight you”), hitting him with a disabling blow, and finally by pinning him down and trying to intimidate him.

but then he just sits there.

saying he has no choice. holding the feather knife above him. but he doesn’t actually do it. and okay, maybe it’s because he truly is fond of Twice, as we know, and so he’s giving him the chance to say his last words or something. but what was it he said just a few pages before this one, though? “we eliminate villains with haste”? I don’t know about you, but I for one sure wasn’t seeing any haste in those last few pages. the man who goes too fast, huh. I’m just saying.

but maybe he was just psyching himself up to do it. maybe he would have gone through with it on the very next page if Dabi hadn’t intervened. maybe. but you know what though? that hesitance -- the fact that he was so conflicted despite supposedly believing that he’s doing the right thing, and despite being groomed by the shadier elements of hero society since childhood to make this precisely kind of decision -- to me, that does indicate that Hawks is not a killer by nature. he’s battling with himself right now. he’s desperate. he doesn’t want to go through with it; he resists the act; and then crucially, right at the decisive moment, Horikoshi prevents us from seeing whether or not he actually would have done it.

(3) and what about that? it’s interesting that this question is one which has come up over and over ever since the disappearance of Best Jeanist, isn’t it? the question of just how far Hawks is actually willing to go. the question of whether or not, when push comes to shove, he will make the cutthroat decision. will Hawks kill for the greater good? Horikoshi poses this question again and again, and yet he still refuses to give us an actual answer.

(oh hey, that’s a nice flashback you’re having. sure would be a shame if it were to... cut off right there so that we never find out what actually happened past this point!!)

(“whether this is really him” -- really?? you actually go and show what is by all accounts and appearances Jeanist’s actual dead body stuffed in a bag, and yet you still cast doubt on it? why? at this point you’re just fucking with us. and also, actually, the fact that it’s a dead body is not, in fact, proof that he killed someone, because morgues exist. and appearance-altering quirks. and clones. and all sorts of other conspiracy-theory-fueling shit. so yeah.)

isn’t that strange? well no, actually, it’s not strange at all, because you only need to take one glance at the fandom (or my own indecisive recaps) to see that this refusal to confirm this one crucial fact about Hawks’s nature is having precisely its intended effect. when you write a story, you want the readers to care. you want them to be invested in what’s happening. you want to keep them in suspense. and so in Hawks’s case, the fact that we just don’t know for sure makes him an insanely compelling character to watch, because will he actually do it?? will he kill Twice?? is he a killer??

and still we don’t know. even now, Horikoshi refuses to lift the veil for certain. and all I have to say about that is this: maybe he is. but if he is, if the answer to this lingering and drawn-out mystery ultimately turns out to be a simple “yes”, then that would be a bit anticlimactic to say the least.

so those are my thoughts! oh, except that I did say I was going to talk about this thing though:

so we don’t know what this is, or why Hawks pulled it out at such a strange moment. I’ve read a few theories, but I have to give @blessedgirthma​ credit because this one is my new favorite omfg:

like. guys. guys. I know it’s absurd and it’s not going to happen lol. but can you just imagine, though. Dabi’s standing there with the crazy eyes, talking about how heroes are all scum, and how he never trusted Hawks, and the fact that Hawks was even willing to kill a fellow hero to gain their trust only to betray them is yet more proof of how hypocritical and disgusting these so-called heroes are. and then, just as he’s about to deal the final blow, HIS OWN CLOTHES TURN ON HIM and he’s all “?!” and IN BURSTS BEST FUCKING JEANIST oh snap, whaaat, HE LIVED, BITCH.

don’t look at me like that. let me have this. all I’m saying is it could happen.

so that’s it! those are all my current thoughts about Hawks and about this contentious chapter which is tearing fandoms and loved ones apart. in my perfect world Hawks lives and Twice lives and Best Jeanist lives and Dabi lives but gets captured maybe so as to have Endeavor angst along with some fucking flashbacks at goddamn last. as of today March 22nd 2020 all of these are still possible outcomes, so I’m gonna embrace it.

and lastly, getting back to the real mystery of this chapter,

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

[cecevolume]

On The List (Part Two)

This is a continuation on my previous prompt for @halfbloodfox!  I hope you all enjoy!

The sight of the self-proclaimed Devil with her sick daughter’s sleeping head in his lap was something Chloe Decker would never forget.

Lucifer was wearing his green T-shirt from one of their early cases along with a pair of gray sweatpants she had never seen before; just his outfit was enough to give her pause.  Seeing him gently petting--because it wasn’t the stroke of a parent to a child, but a person with their dog--Trixie’s dark hair completely stopped her.

He turned his attention towards her, keeping his voice low as he murmured, “I can’t move; she’s quite strong for a small human.”

That broke her out of her stupor, a single chuckle escaping her.  “Sorry,” she whispered as she crossed the room to the couch.  “She likes to be close to her...people when she’s sick.”

Nodded, he responded, “She told me while in tears.”

Heart clenching, Chloe walked around the side of the couch, intending on taking the weight of her daughter from him.  “My poor baby,” she mumbled, tears in her own eyes.

He waved her off.  “Don’t wake her.”  His eyes went down to the sleeping girl.  “She’s still not feeling well; the two of you are more than welcome to stay here until the worst passes.”

Chloe really wanted to tell him it wasn’t a big deal, that the fact that she was sleeping meant that they were almost in the clear.  She wanted to let him know that she appreciated all he had done, but she had it from here.

But she was also so tired.  For almost three years, it had mostly just been her.  Almost every time Trixie was sick, Chloe had been the one with the late nights, the one who had to text her friends to please bring some her some medicine and whatever else the little girl needed because she couldn’t bring Trixie to the store.

And it was too much temptation to stay, to let him take some of the burden off her.  To finally have a partner in taking care of her daughter, at least for the moment.

“Thank you,” she whispered past the block in her throat.  Ignoring the guilt in her chest at putting him out, she glanced towards his bed before turning her attention back to the couch.  “I can take over here; we’ll leave once she wakes up.”

Raising an eyebrow, he didn’t immediately respond, just put one arm beneath her daughter’s legs, the other her neck.  In a fluid motion, he rose from the cushions, already striding toward his big bed.  “I have a perfectly acceptable bed for the two of you to sleep in.  In the morning, should she be feeling better, I would...enjoy making the two of you some breakfast.”

“So you can see for yourself that she’ll survive?” she joked halfheartedly to his back.

Chloe watched as he tensed, stopping in his tracks as Trixie’s tiny body snuggled closer to his warmth while draped in a seemingly luxurious throw blanket.  His head turned over his shoulder, his eyes catching hers, their expression intent and serious.  “You trusted me with her care enough to put my name just after yours and Daniel’s on her list; I don’t take such responsibility lightly.”  With that, he turned to take the stairs, gently depositing her daughter on his large bed.  “Now, bring me that...bucket.  I’ll feel much more comfortable knowing she has a place for her...vomit, if she can’t make it to the bathroom.”

Without a word, Chloe grabbed the paint bucket, following her partner to place it at the side of the bed.  Lucifer watched her almost suspiciously as she did so, like a brooding guardian angel in a dime store T-shirt.

It was endearing even if it was weird, the way he stood watch over her girl.  She knew that it was outside his realm of comfort to take care of a child--not to mention one that was puking--and she was also more than aware that he really didn’t know how to deal with a child’s demands.

Part of her mind wanted to know what kind of abuse he’d dealt with as a child to not understand a kid’s need to be hugged, to be congratulated on things adults did without thinking.  She wanted to go toe-to-toe with those disgusting parents of his and demand answers for how they could be so vile to him, take so much from him, twist him into believing he was evil.

How could he be evil when he genuinely wanted to take care of her beautiful little girl?  When he protected those around him, going far enough to put himself between them and a bullet?

But she knew better.  She still--after two years--remembered his devastating reaction to her seeing the scars on his back.  Whatever had happened to him, he wasn’t ready to talk about it; it wasn’t her job to push his emotional boundaries on something she had no idea how to handle.  Instead, she would give him the support he gave her, remind him whenever she could how good he was.

“Thank you,” she said when he followed her out to the living room, not looking at him as she moved a throw pillow to sit in the middle of the couch.  As she pulled a leg beneath her, she added, “I knew you would take care of her, but you went above and beyond what I expected today.”

He blinked at her before crossing to the bar.  As he poured two glasses of red wine, he cleared his throat.  “It wasn’t as hard as I anticipated,” he answered, slowly coming back to his usual arrogance.  He handed one glass to her, taking a small sip out of the other.  “Though, I will say, I much prefer the urchin when she isn’t vomiting in my elevator.”

Chloe gave a small, quiet laugh before she lifted her own glass to her lips.  “Well, I did tell you to just bring her home,” she joked with a grin.  “I have all the stuff there.”

“But LUX was quicker.  And the elevator is a better spot than the passenger seat of my car,” he said easily as he slid into his spot at the end of the couch.

After a light chuckle, she turned her attention to the screen as Lucifer scrolled through their options.  The silence was...nice.  Sure, there was a sick kid in the other room that would no doubt wake up in a few hours in need of snuggles.  And, honestly, the wine was really nice after the day she’d had.  So what if she relaxed a bit before having to go full mom mode?

As a documentary about the cosmos started on the screen, Lucifer’s arm stretched across the back on the couch, one ankle resting on his opposite knee.  She glanced up, a little surprised to see him watching her.  “Are you all right, Detective?  I suppose I should ask how court went today.”

She gave a loose shrug.  “It was nothing unusual, it just makes for a long day.”  Scooting a bit closer to his warmth, she kept her eyes on the TV as the narrator described their sun’s lifetime.  Putting an elbow to the cushion beside Lucifer’s leg and her cheek into her hand, she admitted, “I always thought that all the stars turn into black holes eventually.”

Scoffing, Lucifer said, “Absolutely not.  They’d destroy the fabric of this universe if they did.”  Chloe glanced questioningly at him, making him raise an eyebrow.  “I knew better than to litter the cosmos with neutron stars; it would have upset dear old Dad if His creation was endangered by something even He hardly understood.”

“You made the stars?” she asked, her curiosity making her play into the metaphor.

“Of course; that’s how I became known as the morningstar.  Father tasked me with bringing light to the universe, and I dare say I delivered,” he answered cockily, his smirk spreading devilishly. ��“Now you all write ballads and epic poems about them, though I get little credit.”

Laughing softly, she looked back to the screen.  “Well, I might not be able to speak for the rest of humanity, but thank you.”  Her eyes started drifting closed, and she didn’t even think twice when her head landed on his knee with a yawn.  One hand slid beneath her cheek as her eyes slid closed.

She was sure she felt his fingers drifting lightly through her hair as she fell asleep.

[2ki8h1]

What if Ishimaru and Mondo had both survived the killing game?

So, at the beginning of this year (2019), I decided to embark in a different project: to write a full fanfiction surrounding a certain idea: “What if both of them had survived the killing game?”. The goal of this was to include Ishimaru, as well as Mondo, in the canon plot described by the games and anime (I still haven’t read the novels or the mangas) by creating an adventure surrounding them but also focused in points I wished I saw in Danganronpa. In other words, write about their character development, their relationship (yes, it was supposed to be mainly focused on Ishimondo as a couple, slowly blossoming their romance) but it was also an opportunity to write about tragedy and despair (I enjoy writing horror and angst). I won’t reveal any major spoilers (about my fanfiction) because I haven’t decided if I will continue to work on this. I have other tasks at hand that I need to prioritise. It was supposed to be a big project which I estimated to be longer than 100.000 words. [so far, I have only written over 13k with the 1st chapter still at the beggining, while the second one is already at the middle with over 10k words.]

The point of this post: since I don’t know if I continue this or not, I would love to share the best moments I have wrote so far (both humorous and romantic and I have decided to not share any gory/sad parts). I will give context for every part I share without giving too much details.

NOTE 1: The narrator tries to put themselves in the feet of the character they are focusing on. So, they also try to adopt their way of speech and attempt to convey their feelings facing the various occasions (for example: the narrator is more crude and sad when the character in focus is Mondo)

NOTE 2: English is not my first language. So I apologise for any mistakes found.

WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS FOR DR1 AND SDR2.

1.       “Hopes and Dreams”

Chapter: 1

Context: epilogue of DR1, looking at the metal gate that locked them inside the school, after defeating Junko.

The prospects of a new start were high amongst everyone. Makoto was experiencing a restraint holding his body, in other words, he felt tensed. Suddenly, the feel of warm leather touched his right palm. Kyoko had approached him and gently held his hand. She didn’t made eye contact however he appreciated her kind gesture. “You will not fight this battle alone.” Her speech motivated him and invoked a determined willpower from within which led him to furrow his eyebrows and squeeze her hand slightly harder. Amused by his mood changes, Kyoko tried but failed to conceal a shy, joyful smile.

Mondo walked closer to his brother and hurriedly hurled his long coat to fall over the other man’s shoulder and placed his right arm around Ishimaru’s neck to enfold him in a friendly embrace. That action startled Taka, who barely succeeded to sustain both feet on the ground after the abrupt (and clumsy) headlock. Along with an open, radiant grin, Mondo spoke: “Finally, we’re leaving this place!” Taka with his left hand reached and grabbed Mondo’s right wrist and looked back at him to return his kind words with a soft, resolved smile.

(...)

Byakuya continued to show suppression of his emotions to let his cruel image rule whatever perceptions he wishes others to have of him. Toko was next to him, fidgeting her fingers in embarrassment, peeking briefly at her “beloved” every two seconds with an odd, lustful desire on her face. Hiro, in the other hand, was screaming and crying in ecstasy, praying down in all fours, blessing the floor underneath and showing gratitude to whatever god (or alien) was looking after him.

2.       “Lost happy memories”

Chapter: 1

Context: shortly after opening the door, the survivors stand inside the school grounds but outside the building, thinking what they should do next.

Even if any of the lost memories had still not returned, Mondo remembered fondly of the small time he spent with Chihiro during the game, it had been enough for him to develop feelings of admiration towards the geek. He reached out for a specific content that was sitting inside of his long coat’s left pocket (the same coat that continued to shelter Ishimaru’s shoulders) to purposely find the set of stolen photos that served as evidence in the former trial. He glanced upon one in particular. It starred him hugging fiercely both of the baseball star and the computer nerd – he was happy. No, he was extremely happy. Look at his wide, stupid grin; it was a smile that he didn’t recall to see a long time ago. He browsed through the rest and his suspicions were confirmed. He had good times at Hope Peak’s academy. However, the collection was limited. Did he get along with the rest of the class? Were he and Ishimaru as close as they currently are or were they fierce enemies fighting about dumb things? There were a few of him smiling towards Taka. More than anything, he wanted to believe in the happiest statements. He glanced through the same photographs once again but he ended up with the same doubts. He wished to rewind time and relive through those moments one last time where he could adopt the same idiotic, relaxed posture he seemed to use back then. At least, he wished the set included a photo of him with his kyoudai. Did they also resolve their differences with a competition in the sauna? He laughed at the thought.

Ishimaru sighed while pointing at one of them. “I will miss them as well.” At the end of his index finger was a photograph captured by Makoto: They were all posing for the picture, in their school uniforms, inside their classroom (well, almost everyone - of course, Leon insisted in wearing his version of a “uniform”). Mondo turned his head to encounter red eyes glazed, stained with tears that fought to break free. Wow, he really was kind. “We were lucky… I wonder if I truly deserve to be one of the s-”

Maybe too kind for his own good. “Shut it...” He caught Taka surprised with the response. “What would I do without my brother next to me?” Mondo added, wrapping an arm around the other’s neck in a friendly way.

“Maybe it’s true. I still have a lot to lecture you about the true value of effort!”

That was not what Mondo wanted to hear “Oi-“

“And, as selfish as this may sound, I am truly relieved you weren’t the one who passed away.”

Sadness and guilt. Mondo looked at Kiyotaka and remembered how those two words felt. Those were feelings Kiyotaka was over familiar with… hell, even he knew the despair hidden behind those terms.

Mondo had quickly learned to detect those moods. In fact, he was pretty good at it! And he was unnecessarily proud of that achievement... The diagnosis? Symptoms of a low self-esteem. He still hadn’t figure it out how to improve his condition however, he had to think about it later; right now, he wanted to focus in leaving this creepy-ass school.

“Movin’ on… What th’ hell is this creepy smile?” In a sloppy attempt to change the subject, he shoved the mentioned picture in Taka’s face.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Look at your face! You look like those creepy clowns but without the makeup. So stiff and robotic and why are you behaving like a soldier?”

“Ghk- Are you saying I am ugly?”

“Wha-! Ah- Shit! no!” just like mentioned before… embarassingly sloppy “That’s not what I meant! I just wanted to tell ya’ that ya’ need to smile naturally and not force yourself just ta’ try to look good in th’ pictures because it has the opposite result you intended!” Mondo pulled off a different photograph. In this one, they were with their gym clothes, enjoying a P.E. class and Ishi was smiling brightly while cheering for their class “For example, in this ya’ look natural ‘cause ya’ got caught off guard!”

“Oh- I see.” Disappointment was felt in his voice.

“Well- See? It doesn’t mean yar ugly or nothi’, actually I think ya’ are very good lookin’. Ya’ just look funny in photographs. Not everyone is photogenic! ... (especially you…)” he babbles.

“Thank you.” Taka released a soft smile. The type of smile someone would like to record it with a photograph “You are a very kind man, kyoudai!”

And Mondo gets easily flustered with sweet (and cheesy) praises “Oh! Stop it! Don’t worry that pretty head of yours thinking that yer’ ugly or some bullshit like that…”

“I don’t usually concern myself over those issues. But I can’t stop myself from wondering if the lack of a more relaxed posture or behavior is the result of my failures at adopting socials skills.”

Mondo couldn’t deny it. He had the same opinion. He gave it a shrug in an attempt to give the conversation a closure.

“And if I may say so myself. I think you are a very attractive man yourself, Mondo.”

Mondo blushed even harder at the sudden compliment. And again, that cute smile… if only he could make him smile like that in photos…

“I know!! What if I force you to smile spontaneously?”

A small silence broke between the two “Force me to smile spontaneously?” Mondo cringed at the obvious mistake “Did you think that through?”

“Eh- shit! Atleast I am tryin’. I don’t see ya’ spittin’ any ideas!”

Taka chuckled. Mondo never considered to see Ishimaru laugh as he did right now. It created an ambience of comfort. It’s a new side that Mondo wished to see his brother with it in more occasions. “I will try to think of something too, then.”

Observing those two talking was Kirigiri; detective mode activated: the right index finger intertwined and resting on her chin as she would normally do whenever she found herself immersed deep in her thoughts. “Those two seem to be in a good mood. It’s good to have someone to rely on.”

“Well, I consider myself lucky too. After all, I am the ultimate lucky student if I have you backing me up.”

That was… unexpected. Was he trying to be smooth, flirty or just kind? One look at his facial expression: huge smile, eyebrows tense, shoulders determined. He was definately not trying to be flirty but that comment was very effective. She turned around, flushed.

3.       “Makoto, the servant”

Chapter: 2

Context: daily life of Makoto in the Future Foundation.

Makoto had woken up with a tedious mood. He checked his alarm clock and groaned… 4 a.m., “Great!” He said before slamming the snooze button and slumping back into the flat, old pillow. He blamed Togami for that. The man continued to impose him waking up at ridiculous hours to perform the most preposterous tasks. To be honest, he sometimes felt to be Togami’s pet or worse… a servant. He cringed at the idea and quickly dismissed such unwelcomed thoughts to not further the cranky mood he was in.

“Peasant, I will need my coffee at exactly 65ºC (150ºF) with just a sniff of cinnamon or I’ll have you thrown into the dungeon. Naegi, you tell them the answer!” He adjusted his imaginary glasses, pointing forcefully to a random nearby object while attempting to copy Togami’s presumptuous act with an over exaggerated high-pitched voice. “Makoto, that was not what I wanted y-you to t-tell… t-them.“ …but he merely ended in chuckles in the middle of the last one, ridiculing his own failed attempts.

He pushed the sheets to one side and hopped off out of bed. Imitating Togami would always lighten his mood. He grabbed his phone to see what horrifying tasks awaited him that day…

4.       “Reunion”

Chapter: 2

Context: Mondo was part of the 2nd division (army) while Ishimaru belonged to the 14th division. Mondo was a soldier, facing wars in different points of the world; while Ishimaru worked in Future Foundation’s headquarters, safe from any danger. This was not their first reunion but it was the one where they spent the most time apart. The location of the reunion was in a cafeteria inside FF.

At the end of the corridor, he rested his hands over the knees to normalize his respiratory rate. One mental reminder to himself was to put his exercise in order! Those sleepless nights and postponing his exercise regime were clearly affecting his stamina. Though, he would have to worry about that later. Still panting, he recomposed to an upright stance to meet the single entrance of the beautiful building where Mondo awaited him. The smell of freshly baked buns was causing his stomach to start rumbling. He touched the glass door but didn’t push it to open. Instead he looked through the stained glass and tried to spot him. Shaky breaths were quickly turned into condensation whenever these brushed over the surface of the glass, defocusing the once clear image and forcing Kiyotaka to clean the droplets with his right sleeve. It had been wise to look for him behind the entrance door. It avoided a clumsy search inside the cafeteria for anyone to watch and whisper. He sensed something was beating fast inside of him. He confirmed that his heart was racing when he placed a hand close to his chest. Why did he feel so nervous?

The cafeteria was still pretty empty at this time of the day but a few people were starting to fill the empty chairs and placing their trays on top of the metallic round tables to start enjoying their meals. Loud laughter and loud chatter slowly scattered across the space, too much to his annoyance. He looked at his right, straight to his usual table. It was almost hidden by a load-bearing wall, away from the restless crowd and at the same time, closer to the landscape he so enjoyed. That blooming tree filled his morning with color and energy and made him believe that he could endure another harsh, boring day. Darn, someone was already occupying that… spot. Wait… sun-kissed muscles, different uniform (if not mistaken, he recognized it to be from the 2nd division), bleached long hair… That was Mondo right?

“Mondo.” he whispered only letting himself to hear before opening the door. The smile vanished in a brief second after he noticed bruises, scars and some bandages covering his best friend. Mondo turned his head around almost unconsciously to the scraping sound that the front door’s metallic base did over the tile floor, a common sound that repeated every time someone moved it to open.

Not five seconds passed when a very trembling Ishimaru had his arms around him. Mondo felt a stream of warm tears running loose in his cheeks, damping the collar of his t-shirt. Taka was crying, of course. Gently, Mondo folded his arms around the other’s midsection, pulling him to his lap to allow his forehead to drown in Taka’s neck, surrendering to the embrace.

The comments mocking the odd pair suddenly reverberated through the room, filling the air of not-so-sneaky murmurs. Without separating himself from the warmth radiated from Taka’s right shoulder, Mondo rotated his head, locking eyes with the few smug fuckers. A narrow purple iris shined in contempt out of a squinted corner of his left eye. Some deviated his looks, frighten by the former delinquent’s cold stare, while the boldest ones maintained the glare beside a derisive smile, maliciously enjoying the scene.

Yet, Taka was only focused in who held him; giving minimal concern to his surroundings. “Without hearing from you, I thought you were gone for good!” Hell, he didn’t even seem to notice the bastards around them! He only knew how his arms trembled and how his eyes hurt, overdriven with emotions.

Taka shifted to close the embrace even tighter, to reduce any amount of space that still remained between the two. The strong dedication put in those words chocked whatever sickening feeling Mondo was struggling with. Kiyotaka cherishing him was the remedy he needed to immediately light his mood and now, it was his turn to return the favor. Mondo moved one hand to ruffle Taka’s soft hair, while the left rubbed his back, working in tandem. Whatever it was, the affection was soothing the other’s tears. Mondo gave him time to compensate the time they had been away from each other so this position lasted for a few minutes.

Suddenly, Taka raised his head to look directly into the other’s eyes, who replaced kind eyes for a big smile. Mondo had a wide variety of smiles but this one, this stupid wide, teeth-clenched one meant ‘everything is alright’ where as Taka just continued to feel as hurt and tired. He inspected the scars meticulously, especially the ones across his face before unwrapping his arms around Mondo’s neck. Mondo didn’t budge but his palms slid to rest in other’s hips. Taka detected a tiny cut just under the left eye. He glared at it for a bit before rubbing it gently with his thumb to depreciate the change of texture that usually escorted injuries.

Red eyes were glazed deep in thought to which Mondo frowned and sighed. “Who are you?”

Taka was taken aback with the question. “What? Do you not recognize me?”

The exaggerated dismay on Ishimaru’s expression lines was what caused the loud, boisterous laugh that followed. It started off as a snort but it quickly developed to guffaws. That laugh only belonged to Mondo and to Mondo only. Taka simply gawked at him in absolute oblivion until the other stopped to explain. “I-I am just playin’ ya.” He managed to say between chortles “Ya’ almost fooled me with that long hair of yours, but your face continues the same. Oh gosh! How long has it been? 5 months? Hmph- it looks good on ya!”

This had not been the first time apart but it had been the longest they have been away from each other.

“This is hardly the time for games!”

“Sorry! Pout as much as you want. That cute angry face does not work on me! It was fuckin’ hilarious to see your reaction!”

Mondo conceded. He did look older, more mature, like a proper business man. He smirked turning Taka alert to his movements. He proceeded to remove his gloves and threw them carelessly on top of the table. He cupped Ishimaru’s pale but warm face against his cold hands. He flinched with the abrupt change of temperature but melted into it nevertheless. He pushed Taka’s bangs back revealing the angry wrinkled forehead and some kinky strands of hair that fought free from the grip. He noticed the obvious dark rims under the eyes, knowing full well he was the cause of that predicament. Regardless, he chose to leave the subject untouched. In any case he still had the same face and the same soft raven hair.

(…)

Although not evident, Kirigiri did worry about Ishimaru’s well being. He had a gorgeous smile when he truly felt happy and he was the only who could perform such a confidence boost in Taka.

“Hello, Mondo. It is nice to see you’re back safe.”

He looked at his right to see the former ultimate detective staring at him with a formal smile. “Hello Kirigiri. How are you?”

“Good. What about you?”

“Meh- could’a be worse!” he answered, looking fondly at Taka.

The conversation quickly died and Inadvertently, Kirigiri’s eyes fell over Mondo’s lap, where Taka was still sitting.

For once, Taka was able to read the surprise in Kirigiri’s face and immediately jumped out to his upright position leaving Mondo stunned.

“I didn’t realize I was still in y-your lap. I am so sorry kyoudai!”

He could have been quieter in saying that… Kyoko attempted to cover a snicker behind her usual thinking expression which became apparent that it would be a hard task when holding an apple in each hand.

5.       “???”

Chapter: 2

Context: after the “reunion” moment. Taka went to grab breakfast for himself and Mondo, while the other waited for him in the lounge.

Taka rushed to the kitchen without running. Old habits die hard I guess. Mondo chuckled at that. A tall man with ridiculous hair was now approaching Mondo.

“Mondo! So nice to see you again, man!”

“Same, Hagakure. How are you doing?”

“Fine. (gasps) those are some ugly, nasty scars.” Hagakure pointed it out “Are you ok?”

“No, dude. Can’t you see I’m dead?”

“AHHHHHHH- a ghost!”

Mondo is now the one stunned by Hiro’s overreaction.

“Bro… Chill… I am just teasing you… Did you seriously think I was dead? How high are you?”

“Are you sure you didn’t come to haunt me??” Hiro continued, half-hunched, covering half of his face with his forearms, squinting towards an even more stupefied Mondo,

“You have serious problems. I was bein’ sarcastic, ya’ big idiot!”

“Oh- haha! I am glad to hear it!” Hagakure quickly to his usual chirp self and laughed it off “It would be bad news if I had been haunted by a ghost.”

“Whatever man…”

Thank you so much for reading!! And apologies for my terrible sense of humour!

[mautadite]

january book round up

27 books this month! the most i’ve read in a month in quite some time, and a good start to the year. a couple days late because i’ve been feeling a bit meh. i doubt i’ll be able to read this much at any point this year. but it’s nice to get a good strong head-start on my yearly goal. a mix of audiobooks and e-books so far.

a land so wild - elyssa warkentin ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ a really lovely epistolary/found media m/m romance story, set during the 1840s, about a ship captain and a naturalist trying to chart a northwest passage in the arctic, and find a ship that was lost five years ago trying to do the same thing. very beautifully told, with lots of emotion that you’d think would be lost because of the mode of storytelling.

how to bang a billionaire - alexis hall ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ a re-read. i remember being very sceptical of this when i first read it, but now that i’ve finished the entire series there’s so much i appreciate about it.

trade me - courtney milan ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ my first courtney milan book, after hearing a lot of good things about her. the hype was deserved! i like her writing a lot and this book (a romance between a poor chinese-am daughter of immigrants, and a billionaire heir with an eating disorder) touched on a lot of stuff that you don’t typically see in romance novels. particular what it mean and what it feels like to be poor. this was probably my favourite treatment of billionaires in a novel (at least, ones where they don’t get beheaded).

hold me - courtney milan ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the second in the series, equally enjoyable. the hero of this novel has to confront and own up to his sexism in ways that a lot of romance novels would simply let men get away with! if i’d known that that’s part of what the book covered i might not have been enthused to read it, because while i genuinely believe bigoted people can change for the better, i’m not super interested in reading about it. but i really enjoyed how milan wrote it, and the romance was lovely. (also the heroine is trans, nice.)

my lady’s lover - nicola davidson ⭐️⭐️⭐️ not a lot of substance, but it’s historical lesbian romance, which is my eternal catnip. a lady’s maid who’s the member of a society for sexual freedom falls in love with her mistress, and happily discovers that the feelings are returned. there’s sex, some angst, and a happy ending,

a lady’s desire - lily maxton ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another historical f/f romance. pretty low stakes, without much external conflict, but it had good writing and great characters, and i’ll always have a soft spot for childhood friends to lovers. and let’s be real: i mostly picked this up because of the cover. a woman with her head in another lady’s lap, gazing gayly at her? yes, thanks.

rebound remedy - christine d’abo ⭐️⭐️ eh! m/m holiday romance, about a guy who gets dumped before christmas, has a whirlwind rebound romance with his bartender, and then starts falling deeper for him. nothing bad about it, but i just wasn’t feeling the romance. i’ve read shorter stories that had more chemistry and character interaction.

don’t let go - cynthia dane ⭐️ another f/f romance that i got mostly because of the cover, but this one let me down hard. i liked that it was set in taiwan; had a lot of cultural nuance and tidbits that i enjoyed, but everything else, the writing, the editing, and characters, the chemistry... it was a bust. it also had a weird and baffling approach to mental illness, and managed to be yet another book that makes me hate rich people. also... the two authors credited are the pseudonyms of the same person skfjhdfkj ihni why she’s crediting herself twice.

alone - e.j. noyes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ LOVED THIS. f/f mystery/thriller-ish romance, though the mystery aspect is admittedly light. noyes has lovely prose and a good sense of storytelling, but the romance is where this really shone for me. which... idk, i’m aware that it might not be for others who read this book. but something about the way olivia fell so helplessly in love with celeste, everything celeste does to hold on to olivia... it appealed to me on a visceral level.

boystown book 1 - marshall thornton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ three short stories about a gay private eye solving mysteries in the community in the early 1980s. it reminded me of how much i love short form mysteries; there’s just something about stories being told that way that i can’t resist. i was also kind of charmed by the way our main character tripped into bed with a cute twink like every 10 pages. :3

poems i sleep next to - shelby eileen ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a collection of contemporary poems. really enjoyable. nothing wowed me, but several poems moved me.

how to talk to nice english girls - gretchen evans ⭐️⭐️⭐️ early 20th century f/f romance between a spirited american heiress and a nice proper english girl. low stakes, character driven. not really character driven enough actually; i felt like they didn’t get to spend enough time knowing each other. and some more external conflict wouldn’t have hurt. but it was hot and fun and well-written.

by his rules - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️ an m/m romance that looks at abuse in bdsm communities, and spends a good long time on recovery, survival, and healthy relationships that involve kink. i really could not get into the discipline stuff, but i really liked that the main characters worked for their HEA; nothing clicked magically into placed for them, and aiden was given space and resources to work out his trauma.

the wolf and the girl - aster glenn gray ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ a retelling of little red riding hood set in early 20th century russia and france that focuses on the friendship between two young women. simple story, very beautifully told.

the secret diaries of anne lister - anne lister ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ i started reading this in the middle of last year, after i finished gentleman jack, and i was basically reading snippets at a time until december, and then by january i was eating it all up. i LOVED this. i loved the diary of this at times manipulative, haughty, but kind-hearted and tender and clever woman, and all of her loves and struggles and observations. there’s just something... very good about knowing and seeing that lesbians have always existed, and hearing her first hand accounts is just... GREAT. really looking forward to the next volume.

oh, earthman! - berlynn wohl ⭐️⭐️⭐️ an anthology of short stories. weird, fun, scifi-flavoured m/m erotica.

emma - jane austen ⭐️⭐️⭐️ took me long enough, i know! but i really really thoroughly enjoyed my time with this book, especially the audiobook, whose narrator i loved. i loved emma: her cleverness and wit and finesse and all her terrible blunders. though i could tell where the story was going, the getting there was really fun, and i super duper enjoyed the romance (though at one point i got seriously squicked out haha). and fight me: i adored miss bates, i thought she was the best character in the book. LOVE a spinster who don’t know when to shut her trap but is earnest and kind and gentle-hearted and GOOD.

«légendaire.» - kai ashante wilson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ kaw, i’m begging you, PLEASE write another fell length novel. or novella. please! i love his writing and world-building so so so much, i flip out thinking about it. until he does, these short stories will have to suffice. this was great: everything i love about his writing, revisiting the world and concepts that we’ve seen in his other books, with mesmerising characters and a tragic, but soulful tale.

a conspiracy of truths - alexandra rowland ⭐️⭐️⭐️ i love stories about stories, and as far as that goes, this a pretty good one! the one way it failed to grasp me was on the character front; i just didn’t enjoy the main character as much as i could, or as much as i was meant to, and i felt at times he was too far removed from the plot. basically, chant is a master storyteller travelling in a foreign land, when he’s falsely accused of witchcraft and spying. the novel details how he uses storytelling to get himself out of the pickle, and all the consequences that follow. there are some amazing side characters in this (esp. his apprentice, who i will definitely read the nest book for).

animal farm - george orwell ⭐️⭐️⭐️ felt like rereading this, so i did. and i mean, it’s animal farm! it holds up.

the overdue life of any byler - kelly harms ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ like i said above, i like books about books, and i got this thinking it would be something like that? but it’s more about a single mother who gets the chance to take some time off from her kids and her life, have fun, find romance, and how she deals with managing that, and the guilt, and all the elements that are introduced/reintroduced to her life. i don’t think this is an amazing book, but it’s a lovely one, and i know there are middle aged mothers out there who would benefit from reading it. it’s not about romance (though there’s a cute romance in it); it’s about motherhood and being there for yourself as much as your kids.

the subs club 1&2 - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the first two books in an m/m romance series. a group of friends is still reeling after one of them dies at the hands of an irresponsible dom. they decide to form the subs club; a website to review and rate doms, with an eye towards making the community safer for subs, though it doesn’t really work out that way. the first book follows dave, who ends up getting involved with a guy who’s eerily like ron swanson from parks and rec, and the second follows miles, a masochist who gets involved with a guy who likes to pretend to be a vampire (lmao??). i have to tip my hat to j.a. rock, who seems to have a knack for getting me to read things i’d be otherwise sure i wouldn’t be interested in. and i mean, even after reading, i’m pretty sure i don’t want to read other books about domestic discipline or s&m or pretend draculas, but her characters and plots are well written and engaging and i had a really good time. although, i have to mention: the second book dealt with internalised racism in a way that... while well meaning, was definitely not very deftly done.

alice & jean - lily hammond ⭐️⭐️⭐️ post wwii f/f romance set in new zealand. a young widowed mother falls for the dashing woman who delivers her milk every morning. they have to contend with community scrutiny, an old friend of alice’s husband, and her bitter old mother to fight their way to happiness. i enjoyed it; it was simple and the romance was incredibly sweet, though the writing did drag at times.

american dreamer - adriana herrera ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ DELIGHTFUL. the very definition of feel good romance! a young dominican-american man moves to the outskirts of new york to start his food truck, and almost immediately meets a cute librarian who turns his head. i flipping love queer romances with characters from the caribbean; it just feels so good when slang is part of the language of love.

minotaur - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ i read four books by this author this month, and this is hands down my favourite. i don’t know man, combine girls and monsters and lesbian romance and i”M THERE. thera is a teen orphan sent to a home for girls at the edge of town. there, she makes friends, raises hell, falls in love with the mysterious new girl, and also becomes obsessed with stories of the minotaur, half woman half monster, locked the labyrinth in a cliff not far away. this story appealed to me in so many ways, and i really hope the author writes more f/f in the future.

two dads and three girls - nick (yu) he ⭐️⭐️⭐️ the autobiography of a gay man growing up in china, and the story of how he finds himself, finds love, and becomes a father. very sweet.

whew. that took me a while lol. that’s it for january. i probably (hopefully) will be too busy to read as much this month, but i have some interesting books on my plate. currently listening to an audiobook of beneath a scarlet sky, which is unfortunately underwhelming, and i’ll probably move on with some fun YA.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

623-624: "Time for Tearful Goodbyes! Departure from Punk Hazard!" and "G5 Destroyed! Doflamingo's Raid!"

DOFLAMINGO, YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE, PLEASE. D:

Those veins will blow any second! 

You need to relax. Subscribe to Headspace. Take a yoga class. Kill some innocent Marines--- oh...

Oda has knocked it out of the park yet again. Now Doflamingo has entered the game, the implications of the wider criminal network of New World pirates has come to the fore. This, of course, means Law’s plan to take down Kaidou is not only super ambitious but also fraught with peril.

Considering I go on and on about peril like a broken record, this is a good thing.

And sorry about that last mini hiatus, by the way. Blame it on full rewrites and Resident Evil 2.

“Watcha thinkin’ bout, Luffy?”  “Chikkin.”

“And thus the Strawhat crew spent some time intoxicated during their celebrations.”

Eloquently summed up by the Narrator, I feel. xD  Totally love how the Strawhats can switch from party mode to sober and ready to sail within minutes. Guess that’s part of the pirate job description. Things change on a whim out there in the New World. Sobering up fast is a vital survival skill.

There was a mini recap of the terms of Law’s alliance with Luffy. Smoker wanted to know what was going on. “There’s no way you believed I’d keep a promise to a pirate like you. If you really wanted to silence me, you had plenty of chances to kill me. What are you planning to use Strawhat for?”

At first I was like, what the hell, Smoker? Stop being arsey with all the Marines vs Pirates crap. You only escaped Punk Hazard alive because you teamed up with Law. Everyone’s on the same page right now. What happens on Punk Hazard stays on Punk Hazard. None of your men will rat on you for chatting to Law. Later, of course, I changed my opinion on this.

The recap of the Law/Luffy alliance chat revealed a bit more information about Kaidou. According to Law, Kaidou the Beast is known as the most powerful creature in the world. Creature, I think, being the operative word here because he might not actually be human?

One of those hype-building silhouette stills showed up, with Big Mom, Blackbeard, Kaidou, Shanks and Whitebeard. Couldn’t make out much of Kaidou, so I’m still none the wiser on the appearance front. Maybe he’ll be hairy, with that whole beast thing he’s got going on.

Back in the present, Law was characteristically cagey about the chat with Smoker. He told Smoker there was no real reason he let him live, but turned round and spilled that he was “planning on heading to Green Bit.”

I’m still confused about the Green Bit scene. Mainly because I have no clue where/what it is. Is is a code name for Dressrosa? Is it another island completely? Is it a town somewhere in the New World? Or is Law trying to throw Smoker off the scent because he doesn’t want his favourite smokey Marine to be endangered again?

Whatever the case, Law had some final business to attend to before waving goodbye to Punk Hazard. Caesar, Baby 5 and Buffalo were chained up in a corner and drew the filthiest looks when he walked over. (Well, Baby 5 and Buffalo did. Caesar was still unconscious.) They really are acting as if Law has betrayed them somehow.

Doflamingo also keeps calling Law a brat. Vergo was also riding the brat train hard. Can’t help but think Law was affiliated with Doflamingo when he was a kid. Maybe he resented it all these years and this is overdue payback.

We hate love hate love you JUST GO BEFORE WE CRY!

At the harbour, the Strawhats continued to be absolute diamonds. Apparently, Nami and Chopper refused to sail until they knew the kids would be okay. The good news is that Vegapunk himself offered to help cure the kids of Caesar’s meth candy! Wonder what Vegapunk is thinking right now. He used to work with Caesar. Probably, “Always knew that guy was an asshole.”

As Luffy couldn’t be bothered waiting for another Marine ship to arrive, he told Smoker to just take the SAD tanker and send the kids home on it. Good decision, given a feathery menace was approaching at speed.

The scene with the G5 pretending to hate the Strawhats - erecting a protective banner so the kids wouldn’t be able to thank the dirty, cheating pirates - made me mad at first. I thought, damn, was that ungrateful or what? The Strawhats were the reason they escaped Caesar’s lab with their lives. If the Strawhats hadn’t been there, they would be locked up in cells and the last thing they’d ever hear would be a hiss of gas and a soft, “Shurorororororororo....”

But when the foghorn blasted and the ship set sail, Oda revealed some of the G5 guys’ inner thoughts. Sanji lead them out. Zoro and Tashigi teamed up. Law and Smoker fought together. Usopp guided the Minions to safety. Chopper and Nami helped the kids. Then I saw the sweat drops and the oddly tight jawlines.

Yup. They were fronting.

When Tashigi called them out on their rudeness, they even admitted it. “But Tashigi-chan, if we don’t stop insulting them, we’ll end up actually liking these outlaws.”

Ha. It is way too late for that, G5. You love the Strawhats. No one can escape the roaring event horizon of their charm.

Luffy was totally oblivious to it all. He just laughed and, “What weird Marines.” I mean, come on, G5. Don’t you realise by now that Luffy does not do subtlety?

As they walked to the ship, Zoro suddenly realised Law was tagging along. Usopp whispered in his ear, “Oh yeah, you don’t know. Luffy’s making trouble again.” Poor Zoro. Always the last one to know. xD

A brief flashback of all the major moments in the arc finished it up nicely. Luffy taking that DDM distress call, the fiery dragon, finding Kinemon, discovering Caesar had been drugging innocent kids, Smiley, Luffy declaring he would “kick Caesar’s ass and kidnap him” (best), saving Mocha, Caesar gloating about how well connected and protected he was before the final grizzly magnum smacked him out of the action.

A standard, uplifting ending with dramatic fanfare and Luffy shouting, “SET SAIL!”

But not quite.

For Doflamingo drew nigh...

Law Didn’t Spend Seven Years In Med School To Be Called Traff

The scene when Law chatted to Doflamingo over DDM was probably my favourite across 623-624. It ramped up the stakes and reset the peril level to red alert. Only one might be tied with it.

Doflamingo bounded across the “sky path” (what is that?”) He bemoaned the fact it cut short. “You brats seem to have the devil’s luck.” He spied something floating on a raft below. He found Buffalo and Baby 5′s disembodied heads chained to it. He jumped down for a chat.

It was weird seeing Baby 5 and Buffalo so contrite. They kept declaring how ashamed they were. “I wanna apologise with my death. I was needed and couldn’t help,” etc. Doflamingo didn’t want to kill them. He needed answers.

What Doflamingo didn’t spy was a video DDM. Law’s voice spoke through it.

“What a surprise. I didn’t think the boss would come out himself.”

“Is that you, Law? Long time no see. Couldn’t you have stayed so I could talk to you in person?” At the point, Doflamingo was still supremely confident.

“If you’re looking for Caesar, he’s with me.”

To hammer home the point, Caesar’s wheedling voice cried, “JOKERRRRRR, PLEASE SAVE ME!” (Lol, oh Caesar.)

“Where are Baby 5 and Buffalo’s bodies?”

“That’s not what we’re talking about,” Law said, taking back control of the conversation. “Let’s make a deal.”

“Don’t try to be so tough,” Doflamingo laughed. “A brat shouldn’t try to act like an adult.” (There’s that calling Law a brat again. Plus, Doflamingo tried to take back control of the situation by ignoring Law and pressing his own agenda.) “Where are you right now? You shouldn’t anger me?”

“Anger? Your most important trading partner is Kaidou the Beast. You’re the one who shouldn’t anger him. What do you think would happen if he found out you couldn’t make SMILEs anymore? He’s not a man you can negotiate with. There would be a brutal battle. You would be killed.”

For the first time, the slasher smile was wiped off Doflamingo’s face. Forehead veins began to throb. That had obviously hit a nerve.

“You’re taking this joke too far, Law. What do I have to do for you to give back Caesar? What are your demands?”

And there it was. It definitely hit a nerve because Doflamingo has deigned to negotiate with the brat. Kaidou really must be something if he can intimidate Doflamingo. 

Law’s demand was kind of weird. It must mean something, but I have no idea what yet.

“Give up your Shichibukai post. Throw away everything you have gained these past ten years and return to being a normal pirate. Of course, if you do that, the Admirals will hunt you down. You have until tomorrow morning’s news. If I see you’ve retired from the Shichibukai, I’ll contact you again. If I see nothing, negotiations are over.”

I have no idea why Doflamingo *needs* the Shichibukai position so badly (other than being able to live on Dressrosa, I guess) but Law threatening to take it from him in exchange for Caesar made him M. A. D.

Multiple veins popped.

It was not pretty.

I guess Doflamingo is now on a deadline. Here’s hoping he does not catch up with the Strawhats before they reach Dressrosa. For that is their canon confirmed next destination! They are sailing to meet Doflamingo on his home turf. Foolhardy? Of course! It wouldn’t be the Strawhats otherwise, right?

Meanwhile... Back On Sunny

This was so funny. Chopper fixing up Caesar so he can beat him all over again. Even Sanji said, “What kind of doctor are you?” But Caesar, though. Imagine bitching and moaning, “Oweeee, it hurts!” when you gleefully killed tons of people without a flicker of remorse. You deserve it, Caesar. Suck it up and take the L.

Franky also told the story of how he retrieved Mini Merry Mark II eight times (Franky’s long, luscious hair in bunches was excellent, btw).

While Sunny descended a Sea Slope (dat Oda creativity again), the team gathered round to discuss The Plan.  Zoro, now aware the plan was to take down a Yonkou, was suddenly and enthusiastically on board. Luffy asked if anyone objected and Brook replied, “Does objecting do anything?” (Lol, Brook.)

Sanji reminded Law again with a whisper in his ear that Luffy’s idea of an alliance is different from his. I think this might mean something later, so I am recording every instance of this warning as it’s come up twice now.

Then Sanji called Caesar a weird sheep and smacked him when Caesar said, “You’re all fools. You think you’ll get away with this? You’ve landed yourselves on some major big shots’ wanted lists. I hope you realise your foolishness before you die.”

And Chopper was like, “Oi. No kicking until after I’m done treating him.” xD

Law updated the Strawhats on the situation. Most of the Big Name Pirates of the New World have turf on this sea. This has created a massive criminal syndicate. Everyone is linked with everyone else. The scale of operations is on a completely different scale than the Strawhats have been used to. Deals and trades are done in secret so the don’t attract Marine attention. Law also updated them on Doflamingo’s trading relationship with Kaidou.

I’m not sure but I get the feeling Law is enjoying the prospect of taking down Doflamingo even more than Kaidou. There is history between these two and I cannot wait to find out what it is.

Ahem...

And the scene that is tied with Law threatening Doflamingo over DDM?

Why it’s the scene when Aokiji Showed Up Out Of Nowhere To Kick Doflamingo’s Ass, of course!

While Smoker and his G5 guys stayed behind to rescue any petrified survivors (still a bit salty about that, but I’ll get over it), Doflamingo landed on Punk Hazard like a bomb going off. A single, loose pink feather falling to earth was all the warning they had. Then he hit them with Conqueror’s Haki.

The veins. Oh, the veins. Veins galore criss-crossed that forehead. I counted approximately twenty.

I thought, this guy is out for blood. But he had questions that needed answered first. Doflamingo is not a reckless guy.

“Are they all gone? The tanker’s not here, either. I believe a group of pirates were just here until a minute ago. Where did they go?”

Maybe if he hadn’t opened with Conqueror’s Haki, he would have got some answers. G5 resented the fact he’d attacked them. There was an attempt to fight Doflamingo. An attempt.

With a few twitches of his fingers, Doflamingo took control of their bodies.

“Law could be a problem but Strawhat is just a pirate. Where did you let them run off to?” He turned the G5 against each other, forced friendly-fire massacre style. His pointy shoe stomped a random G5′s chest. “ANSWER ME. What direction did those brats go?”

When the G5 couldn’t answer, they had outlived their usefulness. “Then die.”

Luckily, Smoker smoked into the fray and saved their asses. There was a brief stare off. Doflamingo had a Scary Shiny Glasses moment.

“Smoker, tell me where those brats are.”

This is when Smoker really came through for me. He knew Doflamingo was a corrupt betrayer of the Marines. He played dumb, but could not resist getting a jab in at Doflamingo.

“Who knows? I sure don’t, Joker. They must’ve slipped through our fingers. How can I explain this to our Base Commander, Vergo?”

Smoker made two mistakes. He revealed to Doflamingo that he knows his underworld nickname and hinted he was aware of Vergo’s true allegiance.

Doflamingo’s voice went eerily quiet (I like his VA). “He’s dead, right? It sounds like you know too much.” His hands twitched and he leapt at Smoker.

Does Doflamingo have telekinesis, or something like that? A power that lets him control the movement of others? I’m still not sure what it is. It looked great in the fight, though. Smoker kept getting cut by slashes out of nowhere.

Then, just as Doflamingo sat on Smoker, about to end his existence, a Presence drew up behind him.

“Oh, my. Sorry, little boy. Could you move, please? He’s my friend.”

Holy hype machine, Batman.

You could have knocked me down with a feather. Aokiji, fresh from quitting the Marines, is back in business!

Doflamingo is not having a good day. 

Usopp has become oddly genre-savvy.