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idorkish · 4 years ago

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4 AM Cuddles Part 2

A/n: this is the second part. Again, , this is something I wrote back in 2016 on my original idorkish blog. I couldn't find it in the mess of posts from that, so I'm posting from scratch.

Part 1 Here

Tagged: @agustdowney

It had been a week since your departure from the Avengers’ Tower. You had told Natasha you were just going to visit some family for a while - which wasn’t a complete lie. That night you left, you had called Hank, and as predicted, he had offered you space at the mansion. You knew seeing your old team would be good for you. There were many times over the past years that you almost went back to them, but you knew you couldn't. You hadn’t wanted to use your powers anymore and no one in SHIELD knew, or at least they pretended not to know. Despite this, home was with the X-men and the students.

You knew you didn’t have much time left before having to return to the Avengers, it was your job. The past week was spent reconnecting with your friends. You spent time with Piotr - drawing and painting together and helping the students in his classes. Other moments were spent with the girls - Jean & Ororo- shopping and gossiping. You also helped around with chores and classes, as needed. Charles insisted you use the time to rest but you loved helping with the children and they seemed to like you back. Most nights you spent in the lab with Hank. It was the most comforting place for you and you felt as if you had never left this space. Despite being close to other X-Men, everyone knew you and Hank were each other’s favorites.

The past week had been filled with nothing but joy and happiness. A few people questioned your real motives for returning but you dismissed them immediately. Charles and Jean were sure to know your real reasons but both kept their old promises of never invading your mind to poke around. Jean knew that with time, you would open up and tell what happened. Otherwise, she was glad to have one of her best friends back.

You had at least another full week left before you would be forced to return. Knowing you would have to leave your family and friends again was hard and began to weigh on you. Late Thursday, you found your way to the roof of the mansion, your feet hanging over the sides. When younger, and still a student here, you would often find yourself up on the roof to get away from everyone. The quiet that came from being alone gave you time to think. You had taken off and immediately threw yourself into keeping yourself busy, that you never once gave yourself the time to think of what had happened and your next steps. Would you actually go back to the Avengers? You'd be forced to work with Tony and pretend that you never had an issue with him. You knew that if you went back, Natasha would figure everything out. The team wouldn't be the same. You could go back to being a normal agent, perhaps change office locations. But you loved being out in the field, fighting with the team was something you couldn't go back from.

“Bad day?” A voice called out making you scream and jump.

You flailed about as you started to fall from the ledge back into the roof. The voice started laughing.

“You ass,” you sighed when you realized the voice belonged to your blue ball of fuzz. “Damnit Fuzz, why do you enjoy sneaking up on me?”

“Why do you insist on calling me Fuzz?”

“I asked first, Hank.”

Hank walked toward you and helped you to your get before pulling you close and placing his hands on your waist.

“Because, my dear, it is far too amusing and adorable to see you so lost in thought that you don't realize the amount of noise I do make to get your attention, yet you still get scared. So again, bad day?”

Resting your forehead on his chest, all you could do was sigh and shrug.

“Come on. You have to give me more than that.”

You pulled away from your best friend and ran your hands down your face.

“Just a lot to think about. I’ve made some bad choices lately and I’m not sure what to do anymore.”

Hank stepped toward you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you back to his chest. Instinctively your arms wrapped around his waist and you snuggled against him. He looked down at the woman in his arms and sighed as he rubbed your back.

“I got an idea. What about an ice cream and movie night? Like we used to do. I’ll grab the ice cream and spoons, you pick the corniest movie you can find, then you can vent to your dear ol’ Fuzz.”

You let out a smile and nodded your head against his chest. “That sounds perfect. Meet in your room?”

“Meet you there in 20 ok?”

-------------------

-Back at the Tower-

Natasha flopped down on the couch next to Clint and sighed. It had been a week since she had last seen her best friend and despite the messages that she was ok, Natasha couldn’t help but worry.

“Ya know, if she says she’s ok, then you know she’s ok right?” Clint’s voice broke Natasha out of her thoughts and she nodded slowly.

“I know, but it doesn’t feel right. She’s never talked about her family to me and we talk about everything. She would have told me something before taking off in the middle of the night while we’re all away. Do you think she’s in some sort of trouble?”

It was not often that Natasha would show her worry. It was even rarer for Natasha to visibly be anxious. Clint sighed and grabbed her legs, pulling them onto his lap and massaging her calves slowly.

“Tasha, calm down. Y/n is ok. She has another week before she’s back here. And we’ll probably see her at the party this weekend.” Throwing her head back against the sofa’s cushions, she let out a groan.

“I forgot about that party! And we’ll be having ‘important people’, as Stark refers to them, there as well.” Clint let out a laugh and pushed her legs off his lap.

“It’ll be fine. I got to go, training and all.”

Natasha half-heartedly waved at Clint. Pulling her phone, she shot off some quick messages.

Tasha: y/n!!!! See you at the party right?! Miss you babe! :*

y/n: Tasha! <3 <3 Fingers crossed! Miss ya right back my baby spider!

Tasha: Even if you aren’t here, help me pick out something, k? Skype? Pics? HELP! <3

y/n: Send me pics and I’ll help. I’m 90% sure I’ll make it to the party. Pinky promise!

Tasha: Ugg, you’re killing me! I’m taking Wanda shopping tomorrow, we’ll send plenty of pics so be near your phone! OR ELSE

Y/n: lol I promise! I gotta get going. Need to help with dinner. LOVE YOU MI AMOR!

Natasha sighed and tossed her phone on the coffee table. She normally wouldn’t be this anxious but she knew something was off. Y/n would never keep things from her. Sighing, she shook her head. It would only be a few more days before the big party. She’d see Y/n there, for sure. Jumping to her feet, she made her way to the twins’ apartment area, “WANDA! We need to start planning for Saturday!”

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

“So, you slept with a co-worker behind everyone’s back and behind his partner’s back? You know you’re my best friend, and I won’t judge you, but that was a mistake,” Hank pointed his spoon at you before grabbing another spoonful of ice cream.

“I know Fuzz! That’s why I broke it off! I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t want it to be awkward, but then it became awkward! I really thought I was in love with him ya know? Then I realized I was just being used and I pulled away from him. But then he started getting all weird,” pausing you shoveled a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth and sighed.

“...and? Cmon, I’ve let you go the whole week without me asking anything. You were pretty anxious on the phone when you called. I’m worried about you Boo.”

You smiled and chuckled at the nickname. You had called him Fuzz from day one of being friends, it was a name only you could call him. It wasn’t until you forced him to watch Monster’s Inc that he started calling you Boo. Scooting closer, you rested your head on Hank’s arm and sighed.

“Hank, I was falling in love with a man who was already taken. I convinced myself that he would leave her because he obviously wasn’t happy with her. I kept telling myself that it would all work out. It wasn’t until he proposed to her that it all came crumbling down, but he still kept coming to me,” you sniffled and wiped at your nose.

Hank shook his head and pulled you to sit between his legs and his arms wrapped around you. There were no words he could say to make your heart heal and it was in moments like these that he felt helpless. “Boo...Y/n, despite what happened. Maybe it’s for the best,” he took a moment to think of his next words carefully, unsure as to how you would react, “What if you just came back here? With me..Well with us. It wasn’t that bad was it? I-I-we all miss you!”

“I’ve been thinking about that ya know. About staying. I was going to talk to Charles and see if I could just work at the school. I’m sure I could do the most good here. I wouldn’t need to use my powers as much here…” your voice drifted. You closed your eyes and felt Hank shift behind you. He moved you both so you were now laying on the bed, you laid on him and nuzzled your cheek to his chest as his arms wrapped around your waist.

“Y/n, we would all love you to come back home. Let’s be honest, Charles would let you do nothing all day if it meant you came back. But it has to be because you want to be here and not because you’re running from your problems. It didn’t work well last time, it won’t work well this time. You’re my best friend, and you should know I love you more than anybody else. So when you’re sure about what you want, I will support you.”

“Hank, there’s a party at work coming up. WIll you go with me? Pretty please? With cherries and sprinkles on top?”

Hank gave a toothy grin and nodded, “Of course I will. We’ll make everyone jealous. I mean, cmon, Just look at me!”

You looked up at his smirking face and both of you started laughing.

“Let’s get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning,” Hank pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead and pulled you tightly against him. Giving him a nod, you relax in his arms. This was how you often found yourself falling asleep after missions. Being in his arms again was comforting, it was safe and felt like home.

“I love you Fuzz.”

“I love you too my little Boo.”

#4am cuddles #hank mccoy x reader #marvel imagine #xmen imagine #avengers imagine #tony stark x reader

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wowitsel · 4 years ago

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dear spencer- part two

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

masterlist

(part one)

Summery: Spencer’s initial reaction to what happens, and him going through the five stages of grief

Genre: heavy angst

WARINGINGS: suicude, language, cheating, grief

Word Count: 1.4k

thanks to @dreatine for suggesting a part two

A/N: again, this pic deals with really heavy topics, including the grief process. If you ever need anyone to talk to, or be there for you, I am here, and you can message me any time.

Spencer’s mind was in a frenzy. He couldn’t focus on anything, and all he felt was pure panic and anguish. So, he just sat there, on the bathroom floor, curled in a ball, just hoping for this to all be a dream.

If asked why he cheated on Y/n, he couldn’t give a valid answer, his mind drew blanks, which was rare for the doctor. All he could say is that he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help it when a pretty girl was all over him. He couldn’t help it, even when he was lying to his girlfriend, and defying all the moral codes he had ever lived by. At the moment he thought that she was so much prettier than Y/n, but looking over at Y/n’s dead body, he wondered how he could have ever thought that.

Logistically, Spencer knew he was smart, but he felt like the dumbest person on Earth. How could he have done this to her?

He felt a surplus of emotions hit him like a truck. Guilt, grief, shock, and just pain.

Dr. Spencer Reid was not new to trauma, but this was worse than all the other things he had experienced, combined because it was his fault.

He remembered with Meave, he always said that it was his fault, that he had done something different, she could have survived. But he saw now that it wasn't really his fault. But this time, it unequivocally, was his fault.

But thinking about Maeve, just made him remember all the times Y/n comforted him when he was grieving the loss of Maeve. All the times that she stayed up, and just held him, when he was having a nightmare, or when she was talking him through a panic attack. He remembered how patient and kind she was, and that just piled onto the grief he was already feeling.

He looked over to the floor and saw her letter, crumpled up, with both his own, and her tears on it, and he just felt numb.

Spencer just stayed there, hugging your body, until Derek eventually found him, and forced him to let go.

Denial:

Shortly after Derek finally got Spencer to let go of her body, they both received a text, informing them that they had a case.

Spencer then began to gather his stuff, in order to leave for the case. But as he went to grab his go-bag, Derek stopped him.

“Hey. Where do you think you're going?” He questioned.

“Uhh to go work the case,” Spencer replied as if it were quite obvious.

“Listen Spencer. We both know you can’t work this case. You’re in shock and denial, so I’m going to drop you off at Penelope’s, while we’re on the case. Kevin will cover for her. Ok?” Derek told Spencer in the same tone he would use with a little kid.

Spencer nodded and slowly began walking towards the door, almost like a mummy.

Anger:

Because Derek had called Penelope before they got to her home, she knew all about what had happened, even the cheating part.

Penelope thought about all the things she could have done to make her feel more loved. She was never mean to her, but she still felt like she never did anything super nice either, to show her that she cared, which she did.

Penelope also felt very conflicted about Spencer. She knew in her head that Spencer cheated on her, and that was one of the reasons she killed herself. But she also loved Spencer. That’s why when Spencer arrived at her home, she couldn’t look him in the eye.

When Spencer walked in, the first thing he did was flung himself on to her couch, and curled up in a ball, with tears streaming down his neck.

Penelope didn’t know what to do, so she thought about what she did when she was stressed, and that was tea.

Penelope began boiling the water as Spencer laid on the couch, she steeped the tea bags as he silently sobbed, and she brought the teacups over as he stared into her beige couch.

“Here. I made you some herbal tea,” Penelope said gently, as she handed him the cup.

Something in Spencer snapped at that moment. He swatted his hand out, causing the cup of tea to fall and shatter on the floor, seemingly making him even angrier.

“I don’t need fucking tea! I need my fucking girlfriend back!” Spencer exclaimed, startling Penelope.

“I-I’m sorry,” Penelope stuttered out.

“My girlfriend is gone, and it’s all my fucking fault. She’s dead because I slept with some- some- slut!” Spencer yelled out, angry tears falling out of his eyes.

“Spence, it's not your fault-” Penelope tried to say.

“But it is though. I cheated on her, and she killed herself. It’s my fault, and I know you know it. I mean you can’t even look me in the eyes for God’s sake.” Spencer scoffed out.

Penelope didn’t say anything. She just sat there, and let him take his anger out on her. It was hard for her, seeing as she was very sensitive, but she knew it had to happen.

Bargaining:

In the weeks ensuing, Spencer was snappy with everyone, but they took it, knowing it was a part of the healing process. But one night, Spencer reached the bargaining stage, during a long case.

Spencer had just gotten super angry at everyone and snapped. Hotch had sent him back to the hotel room.

Once he got back, he thought of her again. And the hurt began all over again. But this time he did something unexpected. He prayed.

Now Spencer was a religious person, but he was so desperate. So he did it. He prayed:

“Dear God,

Umm, I don’t know if you’re there or not. But I just miss her so much. I know that it was my mistakes that cost her, her life, but I hope you can forgive me.

I’ll do anything for her back. I’ll never get angry ever again if you bring her back. Can you even do that? Just, please! I can’t do this without her. I can’t live my life without her.

It’s selfish, I know. But she was the light of my world. I messed everything up.

I’d do anything to start over. Please, just give me the chance to. I’ll do anything. Please. God…

Amen?”

Depression:

Weeks later, Spencer felt so empty. He was so tired of the tears, of the loneliness, and of the pain. He felt like his heart was in chains, and he was incapable of ever being happy again, and then he thought that he didn’t deserve to be happy.

He thought about who he could go to, and he thought about all the times that JJ had provided him comfort, so he decided it couldn’t hurt.

When he arrived at JJ’s house, he was sobbing, crying. When JJ answered the door, she saw Spencer, and just led him to the couch and just held him, and let him cry.

“Spence, just let it out. Calm down. It’s ok” she whispered to him, in an attempt to calm him down.

Her attempt to calm him down did not work. He just sat there in her arms, for a long time.

Acceptance:

Spencer spent the longest time in the depression stage. He spent the longest time numb, and in anguish, for a long time. But now, it was time for his psych evaluation. Luckily, it was Hotch who was doing it.

When Spencer walked into Hotch’s office, he was nervous. He didn’t want to lose the ability to do his job, it was important to him.

Spencer sat down, and Hotch gave him a small smile, before starting. He began asking the standard questions, before getting to the point where he needed Spencer to tell him what happened in his own words. To judge his behavior while telling the story.

“Reid. I need you to explain what happened, in your own words. It’s going to be hard. But you need to do it.” Hotch told Spencer.

Spencer took a deep breath, and then began, “Umm I cheated on my girlfriend, Y/n, and umm I told Derek, and he told her. Then umm she uhh,” Spencer closed his eyes for a second to collect himself, “She uhh killed herself. Because of what I did.”, he finished.

This was the first time Spencer had been able to tell the story, without lashing out or anything. Hotch noticed, and gave him a hug. Hotch then whispered in Spencer’s ear,

“I’m proud of you”.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer x you #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds

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j-elaine-hyde · 5 years ago

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Your Remedy

Like clockwork he called you. Every Wednesday at 7:00, for the last four months. You stared at your phone and watched it ring. His stupid handsome face plastered across the screen. Your dumb face smiling next to his, sitting in his lap, arms wrapped around each other, blissfully happy. The 30 other selfies you’d taken together at that time now resided in a hidden folder where you’d be less likely to see them.

7:00. Every Wednesday. He knew you’d be home and settled, relaxing after a long day at work. Feet kicked up on the coffee table on your patio, glass of wine in hand. At first it took everything you had not to answer. Then it irritated you and you purposefully walked away from your phone at 6:58. For a brief period of time it made you smile. It tugged at your heart strings that he was still trying. Now it just made you feel guilty.

You were the bad guy in this scenario. You were the one breaking his heart. You were the reason he posted sunsets with sorrowful captions on Instagram. You had seen the tabloids. “Mystery woman crushes Cavill.”

He even talked about you on talk shows. Instead of pushing his new show, he sulked and smiled forlornly. He never mentioned you by name. He knew his celebrity status was what was keeping you away. You had refused to be a part of the fishbowl life. You were a private person and couldn’t fathom prying eyes commenting on every aspect of your being. You didn’t feel strong enough to endure it. He didn’t fault you for it, but he knew he couldn’t protect you from it.

He told you he understood. That he’d do his best to respect your wishes. He did so by sending flowers to your office every Monday and your favorite Chinese takeout to your house every Friday. The delivery guy knew you by name, he’d sigh and shrug every time he arrived at your door.

This time he surprised you. A text followed the call. Three words. And it cut you deep.

“I miss you”

You opened the text and read it. Your heart instantly sinking into your stomach. You chugged the last of your glass of wine and went inside for more. As you opened the door to go back outside you heard your phone ping again.

“Please talk to me”

You started to type, but immediately deleted it. He must have seen the text bubbles...

“I miss us” and he sent the pic you saw every Wednesday at 7:00. You knew he had saved it as his wallpaper. But now he was reminding you of how happy the two of you had been. A tear rolled down your cheek as you tossed your phone into the chair and went inside. He was clearly on a roll, and you couldn’t mentally or emotionally handle it. You knew you’d cave. You’d call him back. He’d talk you into getting back together and saying screw everyone else.

But it didn’t work. It couldn’t. Your life wasn’t in LA. It was here. Your family, your friends, your job that you had busted your ass to get. His life was in LA and London. Far from the small quiet life you had worked so hard for. You couldn’t justify flittering off and living abroad, forsaking everything you knew and loved. You were too level headed and logical for all of that. You didn’t believe in fairy tales, in happily ever afters with Prince Charmings, and you were bound and determined to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.

You stood in your kitchen, back against the counter as you finished the bottle of wine. Another one staring at you from its rack.

“I see you damnit. It’s Wednesday. I’m not doing this.” You said defiantly to the inanimate object.

Your blood ran cold. You could hear his ringtone blasting from outside. He never called twice, but then again he didn’t usually text either.

You swallowed hard and grabbed the second bottle of wine. Swiping the corkscrew off the counter you slid down onto the floor.

You sighed heavily as you opened the bottle. The cork popping as you pulled it out. You leaned your head back against the cabinet and tried to fight the flood of emotions and memories hitting you.

The feeling of his full pouty lips on yours. His massive hands sliding around your waist. The way he’d bury his nose in your hair, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. The sweet way he’d smile at you when you’d wake up and say good morning. The safe feeling that would wash over you as he tucked you under his arm while you were cuddled up on the sofa. And the little things you didn’t even realize until now that meant so much. He’d always walk between you and the street. How he’d lead you with his hand on the small of your back. The secret grin he’d give you making you feel like you were the only two people on Earth. The way he’d kiss your forehead or gently squeeze your hand and wink.

Being in love with him made you smile like a fool. You were always giddy and excited. Nothing else mattered when you were with him. Nothing bothered you. But the rational part of your brain started chipping away at your happiness. This wouldn’t last. It was just a fling. You can’t leave your life for a guy. And your biggest fear, that he would ultimately break your heart.

You were still sitting on the floor reminiscing by the time the third bottle was empty. And you were drunk. Drunk enough you contemplated sleeping on the kitchen floor.

“Alexa! Play Adele!” You drunkenly yelled.

You were in the mood to sloppily sing sad love songs. You climbed to your feet, and fell into your feels. Eyes closed, hands in the air, you belted out Adele songs like your life depended on it. The power of the music swept you up. You clutched onto your remote like a microphone, haphazardly balancing on the sofa cushions and sang your heart out.

The doorbell ringing startled you so much it gave you the hiccups. You hopped off the sofa onto the floor and tossed the remote. You yelled at Alexa to stop as you drunkenly stumbled to the door. You tripped on the rug and face planted against the door, barely catching yourself before attempting to peer out the peep hole. A feat your eyes refused to focus on.

You regained your footing and opened the door. There he stood. All 6’1” of him. You hiccuped and tried to shut the door. You were mortified. His strong hand stopped the door from slamming in his face.

“Babe please.”

You wretched. You knew what was coming. You bolted down the hall to the bathroom. Skidding to your knees and slamming the seat up. The last thing you remembered was Henry’s hands gathering your hair away from your face.

You came to expecting to be clinging onto the toilet for dear life. Instead, you were cradled in Henry’s lap, his hand stroking your hair. You squinted as you looked up at him. He was watching tv, and flipping through channels.

“Hey there” he smiled.

“Henry.”

“Yes darling?”

“Water?”

“Of course.” He helped you off of his lap. You rushed to brush your teeth as he made his way to the kitchen to retrieve some water for you.

You had never been so grateful for his persistence as you were making your way back to the sofa. He came back into the living room with a bottle of water and a couple ibuprofen. He sat back down pulling your legs over his lap.

“Take these my love. Judging by the vineyard you projectiled, I think it’s safe to say we need to get some food in you.”

You nodded happily as you sipped the water, swallowing your pills in a poor attempt at staving off a hangover.

“Pizza?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Carmine’s?” You squeaked hopefully.

“Consider it done my love.”

You watched him as he rubbed your legs and ordered the delicious wood fire pizza.

You didn’t care about anything else right now. You didn’t even think of the dozens of reasons why he shouldn’t be here. You didn’t even worry about what happened beyond tonight. You were just grateful he was here to take care of you.

The two of you laughed and ate while watching movies. You snuggled up against him, deeply breathing in his scent as he kissed the side of your head and hugged you tight.

You sighed heavily, “I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m horrible.”

He rest his chin against your head, “You really are.” He laughed before continuing, “...but I love you. And I understand, I do. But I need you. It’s as simple as that.”

You turned and looked at him, shifting in his lap to face him. “I’m so sorry Henry. Please forgive me. I love you. I-“

“I know my love.”

You leaned forward planting a quick kiss on his lips before ducking your head down feeling almost guilty for it.

“Hey...” he tipped your face up to meet his with his finger. “Don’t I deserve a proper kiss after everything?” He smirked.

You kept a straight face as you climbed off his lap and stood up. He furrowed his brow and gave you a confused look.

“Aren’t you coming? I owe you a proper welcome home.” A brief smile was replaced by a seductive look as you stood there waiting.

His eyes got wide as he jumped up off of the sofa, sweeping you off your feet into his arms as he carried you to bed.

-The End-

#henry cavill #fiction #fanfic #fanfiction #romance

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gascon-en-exil · 5 years ago

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Mercilessly Judging the Men of Fòdlan: The Alliance

It’s been a long time coming, over eight months in fact, but now that it may be assumed that the last of the DLC has been released and the fandom as a whole has settled comfortably into its various camps I think there’s no better time than now to answer that burning question: how raunchily, outrageously gay can the male cast of Three Houses possibly be? For those unfamiliar with this fun little series of mine, I’ve been applying my extensive knowledge and experience of gay male sex and hookup culture to the men of Fire Emblem, originally as a way of reckoning with the refusal of the games themselves to provide me with any worthwhile self-insert M/M content. I stand by that premise for FE16 - you all know how absolutely nothing appeals to me about m!Byleth or his prospects on that score - but in the years since my first outing of merciless judgment with Awakening that idea has expanded into something broader, an imaginative modern AU of sorts where all these guys are into men (if not always exclusively) and willing to put themselves out there in the lewd and semi-anonymous world of hookup apps in search of their preferred carnal delights.

A note on organization before we begin, as this material is too long to cram into one post. Excluding Byleth (as Avatars and their spawn always are for this project) there are twenty-one playable male characters in Three Houses. This makes for an even threeway division to preserve the eponymous conceit of the game, but not a particularly neat one. Aligned with the Leicester Alliance I therefore have below the male Deer, Almyran and former Goneril indentured servant Cyril, runaway Alliance noble Balthus, and Alois because his biography states that he’s the son of a merchant family. The Alliance is the nation most associated with successful mercantilism, so there.

The Empire

The Kingdom

Claude

Indecipherable from the start. The alluring shirtless selfie and goofy profile read like a fun and easy lay, but rather than sending nudes he engages in long meandering conversations that last for days or weeks before the first meeting. An expert at drawing people out while revealing almost nothing of himself in return, this takes on more literal dimensions when talk and pictures get more explicit; he’ll respond to dick and ass pics with vaguely positive emojis but deflect repeated requests to send some of his own, but he’s so disarmingly chatty that few guys get angry about this. In-person encounters are similarly frustrating in a way that’s hard to convey, as he’s eager to get his hookups naked and cumming via whatever method expedites the process with as little effort on his part. He’s left more than one satisfied but confused partner wondering some time after their meeting if he’s even really into guys at all, or if he’s playing out some weird service kink or vicarious voyeurism. Whatever the case he’s not much the dating type, not because he’s closeted or non-monogamous but because he has other priorities that don’t mesh well with long-term companionship. A shame too, when he’s become a permanent part of the masturbatory fantasies of many a man with whom he’s had even the briefest of encounters (particularly tops, who see in him a cocky bottom who desperately needs to get wrecked). That’s mostly all it is with him though: just fantasies, quick and dirty and unfulfilling because sex is apparently little more than a means for him to connect with people who may help him reach something bigger. Open-minded about his partners’ kinks, but is extremely touchy about race play; he’s aware that he has an ambiguous look about him, and does not appreciate anyone bringing that up even if the intention is completely innocent.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: your erogenous zones, your fetishes, your guilty pleasures

Favored gift: a lavish dinner, not for the expense but for the pleasure of sharing it

Lorenz

You may not like the hair, or the overwrought floral motif, or the polite but pointed way he pursues dates with the men he’s scoping out, but it’s undeniable that his reputation precedes him as someone who is known and who is worth knowing in the community. He’s not as slutty as that suggests, far from it, but he does enjoy his lunch dates and his inordinately expensive shopping dates and generally being as publicly social as it is humanly possible to be. Has an assortment of fem bottom BFFs on speed dial who are always up to the minute with him on social media, but it turns out he’s more versatile than his age and his...expressive fashion sense might imply. Would absolutely love a boyfriend, but judges all his dates in every aspect and considers least of all the size of their dick or what they know to do with it. It’s unusual for him to run across a guy who’s as well-educated and career-oriented as himself who also meets his admittedly snobbish criteria regarding class, and most of the time when he does they make better friends than marriage candidates. Cannot abide poor manners in or out of bed, and has corresponding expectations about proper condom use and prep (also PreP) and won’t hesitate to interrupt a makeout session with a lecture on not fingering him when he just ate an hour ago and he hasn’t had the chance to use an enema yet. Jock types do little for him, although he does have this one celebrity crush of that sort that he holds dear to his heart precisely because it will never, ever happen (although, he does happen to move in adjacent circles....).

Favored erotic tea time subjects: office sex, hustlers, the tea itself...not like that

Favored gift: his crush’s contact info, also measurements if he can get them

Raphael

His selfies come in two varieties, gym and food, and this perfectly sums him up as a person and a friend and sexual partner. Sociable but not particularly quick-witted, his conversations are filled with emojis and exclamation points and it’s not very long before he’s making invitations to hang out at either his favorite fitness center or one of his many favorite restaurants. Don’t expect much from the latter however, as he favors quantity over quality. Is more or less the perfect boyfriend if you like them big and dumb, and on some level he knows this because he’s clearly comfortable with who he is and the goals he’s set for himself, both in body weight and in life in general. Even nicer, he likes skinny nerds just as much as he likes guys who can hold their own (or even surpass him) during workouts, and he’ll try just about anything once. Not the most skilled at topping or giving head or anything else that demands precision in action, but he’ll always give his best effort anyway. Besides, he makes a great bottom, with enough cushion and stamina to take a really hard pounding and jerk himself to completion in just about the time it takes for him to coax his partner to orgasm. A simple man with simple tastes and an insatiable appetite for food and pleasure and good company, and if it comes to it a sweet and devoted familial sort as well. Doesn’t have much of an imagination for kinks, but the person who shows him how to combine food with sex might be on the receiving end of a marriage proposal right then and there.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: sexy workouts, feeders, power bottoms

Favored gift: food, especially if you get into watching him eat it

Ignatz

Fucking an art student is always a unique experience, and he’s determined not to disappoint. More likely to share pictures of his latest projects than nudes up front, although he welcomes receiving them himself as he’s quick to explain that he draws his influence from all areas of his life. Has a particular fascination with the kind of unintentional eroticism found in certain religious art, which is more likely to be found quietly perplexing than offensive in hookup spaces. Is shy and relatively untested when it comes to sex, and as such he’s a natural fit for tops who love to break in new twinks. Said tops may have to put up with his request to sketch them in the bed or on his sofa afterwards though, because apparently the nude models in his classes just can’t compare to the men who ten minutes prior had their dicks in him. As he gets older and acquires more familiarity with the medium he’ll start to gravitate more toward guys of a similar age and disposition as himself, who can be subjects for his art without the constant demanding to get off. (They still get off with him of course, but he has trouble convincing the less understanding that that’s not his first priority.) Sometimes too he’ll just want someone to cuddle with and tell him that he’s good at what he does and isn’t making any questionable life choices. However, with art being the uncertain career that it is he may find himself one day having to reconcile himself to a sugar daddy to spare him from a mind-numbing day job - or worse, admitting to whatever disapproving relation(s) he’s got that he screwed up his professional prospects and isn’t doing so hot in the dating scene either. Never quite loses his mawkishness in bed, but hopefully he’ll get past his public anxieties with a bit more success. Is not really into the gym bunny types, although they love him to death and he has to admit that all that toned musculature is easy to work with. Keeps the glasses on during sex, or at least until he has an accident with them.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: artistic nudes, sexy statuary, missionary (he likes to watch the top)

Favored gift: a set of professionally done nude selfies, for modeling

Alois

A loving and devoted husband and father, he’s only in the app space because a friend made a joke about them and he just had to check it out. Utterly clueless on the terminology and the rules of etiquette, such as they are, for a place where it’s considered perfectly acceptable to begin conversation with a picture of your erect cock. Needless to say he completely misunderstands the term “daddy” in this context, thinking it naturally applied to him without being aware of all the horny twinks that would be hitting him up as a result. Will eventually be prodded, laughing and blushing the whole time, into taking and sharing some mildly saucy selfies, and the boys go wild for his literal dad bod and hair in just the right places (including on his face; the handlebar variation is a few decades out of date, but that just makes him more endearing in a dorky retro way). It’s not clear initially whether he’s even attracted to men, but after a few months of chatting and swapping pics and perhaps furtively jerking off to the ones he gets he might agree to a discreet encounter or two. Well, they would be discreet if he weren’t always so loud, and if he didn’t always resist everyone’s immediate impulse to shove a dick in his mouth just to get him to shut up by coming up with yet another dumb joke. Doesn’t get much further than the idea of oral anyway, as he’s not the most sexual guy to start with and he can’t quite get past the immature giggling over ass play. Not a bad jerkoff buddy when it’s all said and done provided you can stand all the puns, nor is he all that bad to look at or cuddle with afterwards once he figures out that guys like his hugs too. One can only wonder what his wife thinks of all this.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: (bad) sex jokes, porn, glory holes

Favored gift: links to daddy porn, so he’ll finally figure it out

Cyril

Born into a rough background and forced to get by in some difficult circumstances has left him hardworking to a fault - emphasis on “fault.” His greatest act of teenage rebellion was to be aggressively not rebellious, and he still hasn’t grown out of that mentality as he’s quick to scorn his more carefree and hedonistic peers and wouldn’t even be on the apps at all were he not so privately, guiltily horny all the time. As may be expected this mentality wins him few admirers and even fewer friends, of any age, the more so because he’s inexperienced and still figuring out exactly what he wants from a sexual encounter. Will bottom but has a complex about the implications, but unfortunately most of the guys willing to hook up with him are tops and expect to get it in at least for a little while. Manages better when it comes to swapping head, having experimented with his more adventurous friends in school. His fastidiousness and unusually good eyesight lead him to subconsciously fixate on his partners’ minor bodily blemishes, and since pointing those out never goes over well he’s taking to prefer sex in the dark. He’s absolutely not looking for a daddy and is annoyed at the suggestion, just as much as he’s annoyed by guys who try to turn pillow talk into impromptu therapy sessions regarding his past. Will take a few more years and probably some time away at school to properly find his footing; there’s a no-nonsense if slightly insecure top buried under the fading twinkish exterior, and provided he learns out to mellow out a bit he could be quite popular one day.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: circle jerks, docking, race play (which he feels guilty about)

Favored gift: a cock ring, for those size woes

Balthus

He was on the wrestling team in school and acquired a notable reputation for his strength and skill in a brawl, although it was also at this time that he realized he was getting hard every time he would throw down with another guy. Deflects this with an exaggerated womanizing demeanor and a blank profile announcing only that he’s looking and saving even the headless torso shot - impressive though that shot is - for messaging. Gets handjobs and blowjobs and occasionally tops, all NSA and very discreet, but his internalized insecurities fortunately do not extend to his partners. This is probably because his preferred types are either closeted muscle bros like himself or self-confident young bottoms with no patience to take anything from him except a hard fuck and a thick load. His awkward younger days will be long past him before he learns to open up to anything more than that, and even then it’s unlikely that he’ll be very relationship-minded. Has to be educated by more experienced partners on lube and prepping a bottom, and it’ll take a lot of drinks and a lot of convincing to get him to try eating ass (he will though, eventually). Bottoming himself is out of the question except perhaps with the most dedicated of vers guys, but put him on the mat with another total top and there are good odds that someone’s going to end up penetrated before it’s over. Speaking of odds, is terrible with money and not domestic in the slightest, but he’s got a rich family that he can theoretically fall back on in a pinch. Not really boyfriend material, more like the ideal perpetually naked roommate with wandering eyes and a boundless libido.

Favored erotic tea time subjects: erotic wrestling, dirty talk, praise kink

Favored gift: a harness and matching jockstrap, he’s got a thing for gear

#Fire Emblem #FE16 #Fire Emblem Three Houses

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d0ctormambo · 3 years ago

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prison manifestation testimony:

so I was outside riding my bicycle while listening to some frequency(432hz) music/meditating, as I came to a realization that's pretty cool/kinda interesting. so I have a post pinned on here about manifesting myself out of prison, but ironically enough-- I manifested myself in there as well.

the way I was living 7 yrs ago/prior, was very toxic and out of alignment, and my soul was just urging!! for me to stop farting around and get my shit together. there's sooo much more to my story that I have not told yet. this isn't even half of it. I wore a back brace for scoliosis from ages 13-15 for 23hrs a day. the 1st drug I ever tried at 15 was pain killers. I became obsessed with the feeling they gave me. sucks when your DOC also helped the pain. (physically/emotionally) 16yrs old I heard the song oxycotton by lil wyte for the first time. didn't help my curiosity either, lol. I didn't even try weed until I was 17. by the time I was 18 I could take 2 80s of OC and barely feel it. I'm 5'0, very petite - my tolerance was wild for someone as tiny as me. finally got spine surgery at 25yrs old. the amount of pain killers I was prescribed after didn't last long. I was prescribed oxycontin, oxycodone, and dilaudid & 90 of each. + I had a doc 1yr before my surgery who gave me 180 at a time of whatever I wanted. he literally said what pill/mg do you want? the joy I felt when I heard those words....ugh. I was addicted to heroin from the ages 19-26.

my birthday is in September so about 3 weeks into being 27 I was still addicted. the 1st time I ever overdosed I was on a breathing machine and unconscious for 3 days. the last time was described in the pic above. I weighed 79lbs at the end of it. let's just say a more than a couple episodes of breaking bad I REALLY related to jesse(both of his drug choices) one point, the only veins I had left were in my neck. of course I used those too. sad. was always staying out all night at motels & trap houses (so many crazy stories, my god) but I still managed to go to work every day at my really fancy dentist office. (prob cause I never went to sleep/was out anyways & needed $ obv lol) but I was the concierge! my job was only to greet/talk to people & make them feel comfortable! (a lot of people have fears) so yea, super nice place. I harmed my body/mind/soul for 12+years with drugs (legal/illegal/hard illegal) & hurt my family in the process. was offered treatment & left rehab after a week- 1 of the many reasons as to why I was sent....

I was always using the dog filter & noticed the "ghost dog". back then, I didn't realize it was prob a dark spirit attached to me bc of all the drugs/negative energy. after I got sa'd by a stranger at 5 (at a sleepover) every time I'd say my night time prayers (now I lay me down to sleep..) I'd end it with I love you god/jesus. a voice that wasn't mine would always pop into my head after & say "no you don't". since I was so little, I was scared to tell my parents. & sadly I started to believe it. that voice didn't go away until 27yrs old & being in prison for 2mo. I have so many videos of everyone else trying the filter & not showing up. these pics are all from 2016. the next year is when things really started to crumble. (I don't think I'll post pics of me where it's obvious. I hid it good here)

july of 2017 I was sent to rehab for the 5x. august 2017 the burn incident happened & got arrested for the 7x (big charge) while already on 2 separate probations for 2 other big charges. september 2017 my judge let me get surgery before he sent me off in october of 2017. it was the last straw. this doesn't count another big charge I had years before either. I also had another drug charge from my late teens where I had to be on a strict call in/random drug test probation/program where I couldn't leave my house(work only) & had an early curfew. if I didn't answer my HOME phone when they called, even if I was home & missed it-- I'd be sent to county until the next court date a month later. shit was stressful.

spirit needed me to get this situation/phase/cycle of my life over with, so I could get out and start to heal myself and help others. animals included! (I have 4 rescue pit mixes/baby wolves: freya, raiden, charlie, & akasha) they're my angels & saved my life in so many ways. -> (click here to read how freya did) my sister and I adopted her the same year I got out, & the brothers a year later. akasha is my 2024 baby, who saved my life as well. not from drugs or a toxic lifestyle, but from situations/relationships that were no longer for me. maybe I'll tell that story one day...it's another powerful testimony proving how there really are no coincidences in our lives & formative reasons behind everything that happens to/for us.

now that I look back, almost every time I was out driving/in cars I'd immediately say/think "ugh I'm prob gonna get pulled over" and yea, of course I did. I was definitely attracting that energy towards me and didn't even realize it. back then I had no idea what affirmations were, or even understand how my mindset could ultimately contribute to my demise. I was super negative all the time, & always thought the worst would happen. I was the kind of person who constantly numbed my emotions bc I didn't want to feel pain. whether that be physical or emotional, it didn't matter. I didn't want to feel any feelings. keeping a negative out look on life was a regular thing for me.

even though I'm adopted from Romania (was the only 1 out of 6 kids to get adopted + abandoned at the hospital right after birth. I will never know what my blood family looks like or if they're even alive/didn't want contact) but I'm blessed. even though I got abused in multiple ways at a very young age. I had a LOT of unresolved traumas & unhealed wounds that were yet to be dealt with though. I was hanging around a lot of dark, evil-ish energy as well. people/places etc. I'd say "yea I prob have to go to prison" all the time, months before I even knew. (even joked about it sometimes) so yea.... look where I ended up. words are powerful & your subconscious mind doesn't understand jokes. law of attraction is real, and doesn't mess around.

2 months before I got sent, I was listening to magnolia remix by lil wayne constantly. one part goes "pulled over by the cops, them bitches found my glock. they threw me in the box, 8 months tops. starin at the clock, commissary stocked." that part of the song would always get stuck in my head and I'd repeat those lyrics over & over. it was seriously on my mind 24/7. since this was so relatable for me (not the glock part, everything else) I truly felt the words when I'd rap it. at this point in time, I had no idea I'd get sentenced 8mo though, guess I manifested it? I'm not saying that repeating lyrics got me sent, but it also didn't help me get out of living in the timeline where I actually was sentenced. I'm sure there's another reality out there that I'm living in where I didn't go & also another one that didn't get my 80/20. who knows how many parallel realities there are...but this is the one that played out. my commissary was also ALWAYS stocked, lol.

I served 6 months worth of karma for sure...♾ (sentenced 8, what a "coincidence") but everyday I would think/believe/feel and just know in my heart & soul that I'd get an early release and I did! I had to take steps by writing a letter explaining why I deserved an 80/20, (it didn't just magically fall into my lap) but I attracted that energy into my reality. technically.. it was always mine, I just had to realize that (but that's a post for another time)

I literally had nothing to do but sit around all day & think. wrote a lot too. conversing with the universe. opening my mind & started talking to God-- building a relationship that was previously non-existent. the highest power/source/spirit of all. I also started reading the bible (even though I didn't understand it) & talking to Jesus as well. I realized his purpose/teachings were extremely important for us as a collective. they provide hope, wisdom, faith, discernment & guidance for all things necessary-regarding us now & for the future. in the beginning months before I was transferred down by Houston, my mind was obv not in the best place. I was chained & shackled next to a girl who murdered her mom the whole ride there. even though I didn't or never have had any violent charges--only drug charges. scary stuff.

about 7ish hrs later when we arrived, we had to do the cough/squat thing & take a cold shower. they put all of us in this giant metal cage for hours trying to break us down. I'll never forget the guard saying "whatever yall have done to get in here we probably have done also or worse, we just didnt get caught. and it's all about who you know" I serioulsy wanted to yell, F YOU dude why would you say that?!" but realized that prob wouldn't be a good idea. they also told me they were gonna deport me back to romania the first 2wks I was in the holding cells bc I didn't have my birth certificate & wasn't born in america. at this point, I didn't have commissary or phone calls yet (only when you got transferred to your 'pod' where you'll live out your sentence you get those luxuries) I was a crying mess, & had no idea how I was gonna tell my parents. PTSD was born. some things I saw/witnessed in prison were traumatizing.

I had to consciously choose to stay positive and trust for the best. not hope. luckily, my visualization skills are intense! I'd imagine getting that special phone call from my mom telling me that she received good news about the 80/20 from my lawyer, & how good I'll FEEL when it happens. I'd lay in my bunk and fully immerse myself in those happy, excited, emotions that would arise when I heard the news. I imagined the scenario and how I wanted it to go down, then mentally/emotionally/visually took myself there every night before I went to sleep for 4 months straight. I fully surrendered to the universe, knowing that it's already mine. I'm sure you can imagine my excitement when it finally became the reality!

I'm just still blown away til this day bc I didn't even know what manifesting was. it honestly just proves how powerful your mind really is, and when you have 100% full faith, trust, & belief in yourself, god/spirit/universe/the divine + your desired outcome, it will materialize when the timing is right. 'divine timing'. I'd hear people in my pod talking about "manifest your 80/20", but didn't fully understand until after I got out, and was able to use the internet again (lol) then realized & was like holy shit! especially since I was the 1st person from my county to EVER receive an early release from a judge who's been there 30+ years. like seriously...what are the odds!? but everything happens for a reason and there are no coincidences.

I manifested myself out of the one place you literally can't get out of or escape from. being sober & no longer numb, I was able to truly feel so many exciting/inspiring emotions that I hadn't felt in years. getting sent there was the biggest eye👁opener for me. unfortunately, it took an extreme measure like that (the 8 heroin overdoses didn't, sadly, that all landed me in the ER or the unrelated 4 suicide attempts-at 19 I drove into a tree going 60 & walked out fine) but it also opened my eyes up to another side of myself. one that definitely didn't want to go back...but I actually wanted to heal myself, and start my quest to becoming a better person in general.

I'm alive for a reason, & 100% proof people can change if they really want to. a positive mindset is detrimental for future success. I'm extremely blessed to be here & thank god every day. I hope my story can help others who may be struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

that's the only reason why I'm even sharing all of this. to let others know, no matter what you've been through in life, even the darkest of the dark - you can overcome anything if you believe in yourself. life is all about choices & can either be a victim to your past & be mad at the world & let your heart grow cold, or you can turn your pain into power & make sure you try to live as happy/positive as possible & open your heart up with gratitude & love by healing.

if I wouldn't of gotten sent there I would of never woken up, then in turn I couldn't of helped others on their journeys as well....

funny how life works out.

#my truth #manifesting #law of attraction #thank god #7 years sober #blessed

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techieoliver · 7 years ago

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Yes, Mister Walsh || Coliver (HTGAWM)

Note: -flings self out of the dark abyss that is a working life-

This fic is long overdue. A friend sent me a prompt a while back based on one of those late night text meme things. It was something akin to "I accidentally sent a sext meant for someone else to my boss."

AO3

Summary: All of that expensive bourbon was going straight into the sink when he got home. Or maybe he would sell it to try and keep himself afloat during the horrible weeks of unemployment he was about to face.

Oliver stared at his phone, eyes wide in horror. The pull-up screen still had the airplane mode icon highlighted, but he knew when he would swipe it back down that the sent icon would still be glaring back at him from just below the photo. The image had been sent the previous evening to Thomas - a sweet guy he had just met a few weeks ago at a bar down the street from work. When he woke up in the morning, however, he realized that somehow his drunken brain had managed to select "Connor Walsh" instead. The same Connor Walsh that he was going to have to work with - that he had to send corporate e-mails to on a daily basis. No amount of turning airplane mode on and off would get rid of the image of Oliver's cock in his hand, and he wasn't sure the color would ever fade from his ears.

He was also fairly certain he would never get rid of the queasiness in the pit of his belly. Would Mister Walsh think the image was sexual harassment? Would Oliver lose his job via a trip to the HR department? Would it be such a bad thing if he did?

Oliver was tempted to never return to his place of employment ever again, but the company had treated him incredibly well, and paid him far more than a lot of other environments deemed him worthy of. Besides, if he did ghost on the company (and subsequently his boss) he would be left with a guilty conscience that would plague his attempts to sleep.

Maybe Connor wouldn't have seen the image. There were rumors that the man liked to go out himself - maybe he would understand that it was a mistake? It was thoughts such as those that motivated Oliver to get into his car and make his usual morning commute. More ideas as to the various ways he could still be in the clear were what forced his legs to take him up the stairs to his third floor office space, and what helped him keep his focus on menial coding in the morning. By the afternoon Oliver had actually managed to work his way into forgetting the incident entirely - until, of course, he was summoned via the company Skype to meet with Mister Walsh after his lunch.

That lunch went completely untouched right next to his third cup of coffee. It was rather difficult to eat when one was certain they were about to be fired and charged with whatever misdemeanor fines one could be hit with in response to unsolicited dick pics in the work place. His overly terrified brain even went so far as to convince him there was potential jail-time headed his way, and by the time he actually made it to Mister Walsh's secretary he was one wrong move away from retching.

After what felt like an eternity of bouncing his leg and squeezing his own fingers, the secretary beckoned Oliver in to meet his demise with a kind smile and bright eyes.

If only that secretary knew he was a sexual deviant.

"H-hi...Mister Walsh." Maybe there was still a chance this was about something else. Oliver had been working on a pretty huge project, after all.

"Oliver." Connor greeted with a rather unreadable expression. "Have a seat."

Oliver's stomach felt like it dropped right down into his kneecaps, his legs buckling when he practically fell back into the chair.

"Do you know why we're having this meeting?" Connor asked, fingers steepling in front of his lips.

The tirade of words started shoving one another out of the way to be the first out of his mouth before Oliver could even process what he actually wanted to say. "Mister Walsh I...the picture...I didn't mean, it was...it was. I'm so sorry I didn't...it was meant..I mean." It took a few more minutes of frantic stumbling and panicked eye movements for him to actually squeak out "it wasn't meant for you!"

The din of silence that followed felt heavy in his ears.

"So the text message about wanting my dick in your mouth wasn't meant for me either?"

Oliver felt his heart actually crumple behind his breast bone. "Oh god. No. No, did I send that too?" He groaned and hid his face in his hands. He was going to lose his entire career and what little dignity he'd managed to retain into adulthood...all because he got a little too drunk.

All of that expensive bourbon was going straight into the sink when he got home. Or maybe he would sell it to try and keep himself afloat during the horrible weeks of unemployment he was about to face.

"That's a pity." The words felt like several icicles breaking across his nose. It took his brain quite a few seconds to muddle through the cacophony of his own thoughts to work out what exactly Connor had said - and it took even longer to fully understand the man's three words. Oliver ended up gawking at his boss.

"...you...wanted those messages to be for you?" Years of unrequited pining surged up from the depths - having violently been shoved away and tied up in thoughts of 'he's your boss' and 'he will never want you'. Maybe his drunken self hadn't been such a horrible person after all. "Is this a joke?" Oliver couldn't help but ask despite knowing how unattractive his lack of confidence must have been.

"Because I would. I would understand. If it was. I mean if you want to tease me for eternity that's fine as long as it means I'm not about to get fired or put in a prison cell with some giant muscled jerk who's looking for a bitch. Oh god. I said bitch in...I'm just gonna. Is that. Are we. Is that my punishment? Can I go die in the bad bathroom?"

Connor had tilted his head, watching Oliver through heavy-lidded eyes and sporting an amused smirk. He cleared his throat very deliberately before patting the edge of his desk. "You know what would help you stop babbling?" The man asked it with lifted brows. "Making good on your promise. I'd really like to think that message was intended for me..."

Bad idea. Bad, bad, horrible, terrible idea. That was the boss he had tried very hard to get over throughout their professional careers and those texts weren't even meant for Connor. Then again...would it be so hard to pretend they weren't? Thomas hadn't exactly been very kind to him after their first date...and this would be making several of his suppressed, heated dreams come true.

That was probably why Oliver ended up on his knees, tucked under the desk and trying to avoid hitting his head as he fumbled at the expensive leather of Mister Walsh's belt. He was determined to give the other man the best blow job that he could, and judging by the boss' sharp inhale as soon as Oliver placed his lips around the head of Connor's cock, it was off to a good start.

Oliver pressed his palms against each of Connor's inner thighs, wrists being dug into by the edge of the other's slacks, which were scrunched just below his knees. The small space was rapidly warming and caused Oliver's hair to curl slightly, sweat dampening the collar of his shirt. Oliver was maybe a little too eager, sliding his mouth along the length of Connor's dick over and over until his chest burned and he had to pull off for a gasp of air. Whenever he did the shock of cold that hit Connor made his stomach ache in the best way.

Eventually, though, the man grew tired of the tease and he wrapped his fingers messily in Oliver's tie and cinched it tighter around the base of Ollie's throat. Connor's other hand dug into dark hair and forced Oliver's mouth back down onto his cock. He knew Oliver had been doing it on purpose as soon as the man adapted and started breathing through his nose as if he knew he could do so all along.

"Fuck," Connor swore after a few seconds of panting filled the room. Connor's knee hit the inside of his desk as he allowed himself a few small thrusts into the heat of Oliver's mouth. The other man accommodated those movements like a champ, and just as he started to take Connor deeper - Oliver grazed the very tip of his tongue under the defining ridge of the head, and Connor didn't even have a chance to warn Oliver before he was coming a lot sooner than he intended.

Slowly Connor relaxed the grip he'd held on Oliver's tie, coaxing the other man off with a few well-placed brushes of his fingertips along Ollie's jaw and throat. "S-sorry..." Connor apologized sheepishly. It was jarringly adorable and Oliver felt a little twist in his chest in response, his lips still parted as he tried to drag in the air he had been denied.

"It's okay," Oliver finally rasped before wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. His whole body was still sparking with sensitivity, muscles twitching in his arms every time the sleeves of his shirt moved against them. Ollie leaned his ass back against the heels of his shoes to roll those sleeves up as he tried to relax himself, still trying to breathe properly. "S-so...uhm..." Oliver didn't even realize he was tucking Connor back into his boxer-briefs, and pulling up the man's pants. The motions had come simply, as if he was on auto-pilot as he tried to adjust to everything that had happened so quickly.

"I'll expect you to keep me updated with more photos of that project, Hampton." Connor put things into perspective so easily that it made Oliver wonder if the man could somehow read his mind. "And." A certain gentleness came into the other's tone, setting a different meaning than the coy one Connor had just been using. "I'd like to meet for dinner this evening. I think we have a lot more to discuss."

Oliver could only fight against the huge grin threatening to take over for so long, his eyes crinkling at the corners when he finally lost that battle. His response came with an adorable sort of playfulness behind it.

"Yes, Mister Walsh."

#coliver #htgawm #coliver fic #htgawm fic #s;htgawm #otp;stop looking at me #coliver;fic #tommi with a quill

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lolainblue · 8 years ago

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Thunderbirds Chapter 19

T/W: I wrote it, so there’s language and references to people touching other people’s bathing suit zones. And drinking.

“Wake the fuck up Shan.”

Jared gave the end of the bed a hard kick and I started to think I was stuck in the worst Groundhog's Day ever. But this time there was no doubt about whether I had sobered up yet; I was still thoroughly drunk. After the shower, trying to sleep off the whiskey and the shitty day, I had passed out in my boxers. Judging by the state of my head that hadn't been that long ago. I stuck my head under the pillow and was about to tell Jared to get lost when I heard a giggle. Fucking hell. I was blind drunk and in my underwear and there were obviously people in the room. I grabbed a pillow and pulled it into my lap as I sat up.

“What the fuck Jared. Haven't you done enough damage for one day?” He was standing next to my bed with two pretty women who were probably even drunker than I was. There was a brunette in tight jeans and a cut-off t-shirt and a blonde in a skintight blue dress. They were hanging on him and giggling, and all three of them seemed to be swaying just a little bit. I wasn't sure if that was my head or if was them.

“Is this him?” the brunette asked. “He's hot.”

“This is him,” Jared answered, and that time I'd swear he was actually swaying. “Girls, meet my brother Shannon. Shannon, this is Amy,” he said, gesturing to the brunette “And, uh....” He paused while looking at the blonde. She just kept giggling and waited for him to remember her name. “Kristin? No Kirstin!” he finally said triumphantly.

Kirstin sat down on the bed next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Jared told us all about what that awful girl did to you,” she said, running her hand up and down my arm. I wonder what that story looked like when Jared told it. I gave him a nasty look but he just shrugged it off. “So, we came to help cheer you up.”

Amy sat down on my other side and kissed my shoulder. Oh for fuck's sake. I tried to clear my head. I knew this was just piling one bad decision on top of another, but that was easy to do when bad decisions got delivered to you like room service. I turned to tell Kirstin that maybe this wasn't the best night, but just like that someone's tongue was in my mouth and someone else's hand was in my boxers and I figured if I couldn't drink away the misery maybe I could fuck it away. It wasn't like I could be unfaithful to a woman who was engaged to someone else right? I dropped the pillow and grabbed hold of Kirstin, the one with her tongue down my throat. As I pushed her back onto the bed I heard Jared close the door behind him.

When I woke up again at least it wasn't to Jared kicking the fucking bed. But then again I was realizing I wasn't in a bed, I had passed out on the floor at some point and now had a mouthful of hotel carpet. I sat up to see Amy and Kirsten balled up together on the bed. The ringing in my head and the shitty way I felt on seeing them told me my little plan to distract myself had failed spectacularly. I got up and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get rid of the taste of whiskey and self-loathing. Odd how often the two went together.

I woke the girls up and told them in no uncertain terms it was time to go. They were too hungover themselves to protest much and soon I was locking the door behind them. I climbed into the hot shower and stood there until my skin was almost raw, wishing I could just crash back into bed and sleep the day away. But it was getting late, and it was a wonder no one had been to my room to get me up already. We had interviews and sound checks scheduled and I needed to get something on my stomach. I dressed and headed down to the hotel restaurant.

The guys were already there, although it looked they had mostly finished eating. Their plates hadn't been cleared yet and there was a basket of biscuits sitting in the middle of the table. I took one as I sat down and laid my head on the table while I waited for my coffee.

“How was your night?” Jared asked with a snicker. I didn't even bother acknowledging him. He had his laptop out but was he was talking to Matt. While I ate my biscuit I got an idea.

As soon as I finished my coffee I grabbed Jared's laptop and headed to the small guest office facilities off the hotel lobby. I hooked the laptop to their internet connection and opened a web search. I had been feeling like I was two moves behind whatever chess game Jared and Jane were playing but it was time to catch up. I entered Jane's name in the search bar.

Most of what came up was reviews for her new book (overwhelmingly positive, and from the little I had gotten through yesterday, well deserved) and references to some anthologies she had put together and published. This was nice, but not helping. With a little twist in my gut, I typed the word 'engaged' after her name and started a new search. Now I had his name: Angus McArdle. One more search and a whole new picture emerged. No wonder Jane hadn't wanted to tell me about the guy.

As far as I could tell, the whole “foreign correspondent” thing was just some sort of hobby. Good ol' Angus was the son of some rich hoity-toity Australian family and from the looks of things his actual job was jetting about to private islands or showing up at fancy events in tuxedos with elegantly dressed women on his arm. The term 'millionaire playboy' would not have been a stretch. There were older pictures of him with a few models and some Aussie actress I had never heard of, but there were pictures of Jane there too. The older ones mostly referred to her as “unnamed female companion” or “unidentified lady friend” but the more recent ones identified her by name as his fiancee. He was apparently quite the catch. Rich, handsome, well-educated, from a good family, and Jesus, how tall was this guy? I swear he looked like was about 6'3”. He was like the anti-Shannon. If this was what she was into now I was done for.

Jared came into the office as I was scrolling past pictures of Mr. Perfect and Jane sunning themselves on a beach in Bali. She had on the tiniest little black bikini and she looked amazing. Even better than when I had known her in L.A.. But I guess she was quite the catch herself. Even if she hadn't known it at the time, I had realized that first night that she was out of my league. The years had just proven me right.

“What the fuck are you doing bro?” Jared said from behind me. I just kept scrolling. Jared reached over and closed the laptop. “Well, at least you see what you're dealing with now. Left you pining away while she scrounged up a sugar daddy.”

I really did not want to deal with more of Jared's bullshit today. “Really? That's what you took away from that?”

“Joke will be on her the first time someone leaks pics of him and his mistress on that same beach,” Jared said disdainfully.

I whirled around in my seat. “Okay man, what the hell is your deal with Jane all of the sudden? You haven't mentioned her name in probably a year, and now you're being all nasty about her. Why do you even care? What is actually going on here?”

“She's shown her true colors, Shannon." he said.

“By getting married to a great guy?”

“Yeah, I'm sure it's true love," he sneered. "Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the expensive vacations or that huge rock he put on her finger or the house he's building her. She'll do what it takes to get what she wants. That should have been clear to you when she slept with you to get to me. But for some reason, you don't see her for what she is. I thought you'd come to your senses eventually but you're just as bad as ever.”

“She's right. You're still not over her picking me over you. I didn't think you even liked her that much.”

“I am over it, it's not about that. I didn't care about that two-faced little bitch then and I don't now.”

“She's not who you think she is Jared.”

“Maybe," he replied, "but she's definitely not who you think she is either.”

I rubbed my hand over my face. I was suddenly so tired of all of this. I just wanted to go back to two days ago when I was just fine with my fucked up life. Better than fine. I was enjoying every minute of it. Screw Jared and screw Jane. I was done with all of this.

Two weeks later I was asleep in my bunk when my phone rang. Groggily I answered.

“Shannon? I'm sorry if I woke you. It sounds like I woke you.”

Shit. “Jane?” She was the last person I had expected to be calling me. I really didn't think I'd ever hear from her again. She must have kept my number when I called her the first time.

“Yeah, it's Jane. How are you?” There was a pause on the line before she continued. ��I was hoping you would call again.”

She was hoping I'd call again? After I made an ass of myself the last time and made her cry? “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” she replied. I could hear the confusion in her voice. It didn't slow me down any.

“Why did you want me to call? Everything in your life is perfect. I'm just a speck of dust so far in the rearview mirror I'm surprised you still remember my name.”

“What the hell, Shannon? Did you just wake up really bitchy? Because I remember our last conversation sounded a whole lot different.”

What the fuck was I doing? She called you, Shannon. She called you. Fucking talk to her. “Yeah, maybe." I took a deep breath and started again. "What's up, Jane?”

“I just wanted to talk to you.” For the first time, I heard the tone of her voice. She sounded tired and a little sad. “Tell me what you're doing.”

We were only a few sentences in but this whole conversation was giving me a weird feeling. I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't imagine what she wanted. So I just answered her question. “Sleeping. I'm on the bus and I was sleeping.”

“Oh. I'm sorry.” She definitely sounded down. I wondered what was actually going on. “Should I let you go?”

I peeked my head out of the curtain to see if it looked like anyone else was listening but I was the only one back in the bunk area. “No. I'm up now. It was just a nap. How are you?”

She sighed. “Exhausted. This whole leg is really over scheduled and I'm not sleeping and I really need a day off.”

Showing all the conversational finesse of a toddler I went straight for what I thought was her weakness. “Why aren't you sleeping?”

Silence. There was a lot of silence in my conversations with Jane, but I think more was said in those silences than the actual words. “Stress, I guess,” she finally answered but I think we both knew better. “I thought I understood what I was in for with this book tour, it sounded like the most boring thing ever but I'm so tired and lonely.”

I hadn't thought about that. I had Jared and the guys but who did Jane have? “Isn't there someone traveling with you?” I asked her.

“No. There's a host that meets me in each city that picks me up from the airport and drives me to things but other than that I'm on my own.”

“I bet you miss Angus,” I said, trying not to sound too bitter.

“I'm used to him not being around much,” she said. “I miss Roger but I'm kind of used to him being gone all the time too.”

I hadn't even asked what he was up to. “How is Roger? Where's he gone to all the time?”

“He's good. He's been working in Europe a lot. Trying to decide what to do next. He's been really smart with his money from the beginning so it's not a huge deal but he's getting a little old for the runway stuff and it's all bound to slow down for him soon.”

Again there was silence. The gulf between us was huge and although I think we both wanted to close it I don't think either one of us had a clue how. “I read your book. It was really good.”

“Oh. Thank you.” She didn't sound very excited. “Did you guys play last night? How was the show?”

“Great. Really great crowd.” This conversation was going nowhere. I took a deep breath and jumped back in. “So, I looked up Angus.”

“Oh good lord....” Jane mumbled. But I had already walked through the door, I wasn't going to quit now.

“I see why you didn't want to tell me about him. He's quite the catch Jane. Well done.”

“Shannon I don't know what you think you know, but trust me...”

I thought about what Jared had said. I wondered if he was the one that had the real handle on this situation. “So you're just going to follow him around and write, huh? Seems to me I made you a similar offer. I guess mine didn't have enough zeros behind it.”

“That's not how it is.” Jane's voice was tight, clipped. “I knew you would start making assumptions. That's the only reason I didn't tell you more about him.”

“Then tell me how it is Jane. I want to know.” I did. If she was happy, in love, I wanted to know. I wanted that for her. But if it was anything but, I felt like I needed to know that too, even if the truth was ugly. I just needed to understand.

“We met at NYU,” she finally responded. “We sat next to each other at a Saturday writing workshop. The workshop was terrible but we got to talking and just hit it off. We started seeing each other for lunch a few days a week, then hanging out together more and more. We were just friends. We took a few vacations together, he brought his girlfriends along on some of them, I took a guy once. He took me back to Australia to meet his family. All as friends. For years.”

I silently wondered if she had just been biding her time, waiting for a chance to get her hooks into him. Jared was getting into my head. She continued. “About two years ago it changed, but it was really just a friends with benefits thing. There was no romance, just...”

“Fucking.” I filled in the blank she was unwilling to. She didn't acknowledge me.

“Eventually though he started to want more. Started taking me out on proper dates, wanted to refer to me as his girlfriend. But....”

The silence again. I hoped the blank that needed filling in here was that she was still too hung up on me but I was too chicken to say it.

“I went along with it for a while. I really did like him, like I said he's a great guy.” And then she said it. “But I was still too hung up on you. I think all along I had just been waiting for the day I turned a corner and there you would be.” I heard the catch in her voice that by now I knew meant she was about to start crying. Jane had always been a crier, she was a soft little marshmallow that wore her heart on her sleeve. I felt like dirt. How could I have ever thought she would be capable of the things Jared was accusing her of? Deceit on that scale seemed way beyond her. “But it never happened. And here was this great guy, who was just crazy about me, who wanted more. I figured fate needed a little help. But I didn't have any way to get to you. I thought maybe I could show up where you guys were playing one night, wait around with the groupies, maybe somehow get your attention. But when I looked online....”

Yeah, we both knew the next part. I hoped she wasn't going to say it again. “He ended up getting pretty serious. And his family was pressuring him to settle down, they were getting tired of the gossip column items. They would have liked me better if I came from a more well-to-do background, but they liked me a lot better than his other girlfriends. So we decided to get married.”

This was ridiculous. “Jane, nowhere, in any part of that story, did I hear “and I just fell so in love with him”. You didn't answer me when I asked you the last time either. You are not in love with him at all, are you? Do you know how fucked up that is?”

I heard the sniffles on the other end of the line. Yeah, she was definitely crying now. I waited for her to compose herself and answer. It took a long time. “I love him as a friend. He knows I'm not in love with him. He just doesn't know why.”

I could feel the lump in my own throat. I swallowed it down and summoned up the courage to ask. Please let her answer be the one I need to hear. “Why Jane?”

I listened to her crying while my heart stuttered wildly. Maybe this wasn't over after all. I had lost all hope after my internet sleuthing attempt, I didn't think there was any way I could compete with this guy, but maybe I didn't have to. Maybe he was the one that had to compete with me. “Why Jane?”

“Because I'm in love with you. Still. Probably always.”

Yes! I felt like I had just scaled a mountain. “Then don't marry him. Fuck, Jane. I'm telling you I still love you. I'm telling you I want to be with you. You just admitted you're in love with me. So what the hell are we doing?”

She stayed on that line crying, not answering, for at least a good ten minutes. I was not about to hang up or give up though. I held the line and waited.

“Where are you?” she finally asked. “I've lost track.”

I had no idea. I leaned out of the bunk and yelled towards the front of the bus. “What's the next stop?”

“Tonight is Boise,” Tomo answered.

“Apparently Idaho,” I told her.

“I'm in Texas.” she laughed. “I guess even broken hearts are bigger in Texas.”

She really hadn't given me an answer. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She had stopped crying but her answer was so quiet, she sounded even more fragile. “I don't know how to get out of this Shannon. I don't know what to do. This wedding is a big deal...”

“You call him up and you tell him the wedding is off. That's how you get out of it.”

“No one is going to understand.”

“It shouldn't matter. Either you love me or you don't.”

“Indianapolis is in 10 days. I'll figure this out. I promise.”

The silence settled in again. I wasn't sure what she meant by figure it out. I didn't understand how she could tell me she loved me and marry someone else. None of this made a damn bit of sense. I needed to see her, and I didn't want to wait 10 days to do it.

“Where are you next?” I asked.

“Nowhere near where you guys are going to be and I don't have any off days until the beginning of July. Indianapolis is the 5th. That's the best we can do. But I will be there, I promise." She got quiet again. "Shannon if I'm going to tank my whole life for you, you damn well better be sure that's what you want.”

I hadn't thought about it like that. I hadn't thought about her side of things much at all. Being married to a guy who was a good friend, who was crazy about you and could give you the things Angus could really wasn't that bad of a deal. I guess I could see why she might have agreed. Was I just going to fuck her life up like I did my own? Everything I touched seemed to fall apart. It hadn't been that way with Jane though. I thought with her I could make it all work.

“I'll be sure. You be sure too. Don't do this if it's not what you want.”

Once again the phone conversation ended with the promise of that meeting. “I'll see you in Indianapolis Shannon. I hope you have a great show tonight.”

I held the phone for a while after she hung up. I knew I needed to get my head straight, get my shit together, and I had 10 days to do it. One thing I knew for damn sure. I wasn't going to tell Jared about any of this.

@msroxyblog @nikkitasevoli @meghan12151977 @snewsome756 @maliciousalishious

#shannon leto fanfiction #jared leto fanfiction #thunderbirds

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sammyhale · 8 years ago

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Hi! I don´t wanna read it right now, cause i think it may trigger me, but i have heard a lot of people talking about the chapter that Jared wrote. Could you tell me the main points and relevant things that he talks about in there? please? thanks :) Love you and sorry for my English

Sorry for the late reply on this, hun. I think that Jared’s chapter is incredibly important, not just in understanding him but the topics he discusses. But you should absolutely take care of yourself first. I don’t mind going over the chapter, and I’ll even give page numbers so if there’s a section you want to skip you can read the rest that you want to check out.

The first part of Jared’s chapter is him explaining that he has been in fandoms himself and that he understands what it is to be a fan obsessed or passionate about something they love. He includes personal pics of him as a little boy and other photos showcasing his love for Star Wars, TMNT, James Bond, etc. He says he is “committed in my support” of being a fan and being passionate about something. He gets it (p.217-224).

In the next part he talks about Supernatural, specifically his first experience at a convention. He talks about how Jensen wasn’t with him because he had “other obligations that weekend” and it was a multi-show convention, so not everyone there was for SPN. Jared was very nervous at that convention, especially since he was by himself. He says that it was almost his last one because of his anxiety and he felt judged. But he did go to another convention in November 2007, this time with Jensen and other members of SPN since it was based around SPN this time. He talks about how he and Jensen loved getting to meet the fans and discuss the same love and passion for the show and their work, essentially. He talks about continuing to go to conventions, Supernatural’s first few seasons, and the incredible support of the fans. In this section he also includes a photo of him and Jensen at a convention where Jared is wearing his Pearl Jam scarf and has his arm around Jensen and he captioned it: “ Still a fan! In my Pearl Jam scarf and “Love Yourself First” shirt, with Jensen” (p.224-230).

This is where Jared first mentions his depression as well as how AKF started. Stephen Amell introduced him to Represent, told him about selling shirts to raise money for causes, and suggested Jared do it as well, find something he wanted to raise awareness and money for. Jared says he wasn’t sure which cause to pick at first, because so many were near and dear to his heart, like St. Jude’s, the Down Syndrome Connection, Wounded Warrior Project, etc. Then Jared says: “But as the days progressed, I began to realize exactly what I wanted to do…and it was scaring the shit out of me.” Jared talks about how he has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of his adult life, and how he felt it was “under control” because he was “surrounded by friends and family” and doing what he loved. He talks about a few battles along the way, such as in s3 when he was diagnosed with clinical depression for the first time. It’s when they were filming “A Very Supernatural Christmas” and he felt something was eating at him. He walked into his trailer, sat down, couldn’t get up. There were knocks on the door, and then eventually Jensen came in and to see what was going on, and Jared says “he knew I was not okay.” Jensen had the assistant director call for a doctor and that’s when Jared was diagnosed. But, he felt he couldn’t stop filming, even when the doctor suggested time off. He says he couldn’t put the crew out of work for a day, week, or month. So, he just went home for the day and came back the next (p.230-232).

Jared talks about launching the AKF campaign and the amazing amount of love and support he and the campaign got in response. This is the section where Jared talks about what happened in Geneva in 2015, aka, his breakdown and the reason why he missed those conventions, and it is a very heavy part of his story. Jared knew for a while that he wasn’t okay. He was functioning, but felt he was sinking, but he kept his mouth “shut” and “kept moving forward.” It’s important to note that Jared talks about how he loves his job, he loves the cast and crew, loves Sam Winchester. But along with that, he feels a constant pressure “every hour of every day” that if he messes up or doesn’t “perform properly,” 150 people “will lose their jobs…150 families will be out of their primary source of income” and that “intense awareness” is overwhelming for him sometimes. Jared explains that when he reached a boiling point, it was after weeks of things building up to that. A lot of us can relate; once you get to that point it can take even the smallest thing to just make you lose it. Gen had traveled with Jared to Belgium, but before JIBCon in Rome she went back to Austin. He had a few days off, and since he is a HUGE fan of mechanical Swiss watches, he decided he wanted to visit Geneva before heading off to Rome. Basically something made him reach that boiling point and it triggered his breakdown. In his words: “I. Broke.” He cried for hours and he makes it very clear that he was considering killing himself. But a “sign” happened (he talks a lot about signs and coincidences throughout the chapter) and a friend, Brian (who had lost a friend to suicide) called him in the middle of the breakdown. He asked Jared how he was, they talked. Jared mentions lots of tears and lots of phone calls (besides Brian he doesn’t specifically list who he called but he says there were lots of calls). He even fell to the ground a couple times and strangers helped him back up. There’s a moment where Jared tells his friend that they (aka the cast and the fans in Rome for JIBCon) would be better off without him, and that’s when the phone goes dead because the battery died. He was alone in Geneva, and had a choice to make on his own. To live or not. And he chose to live. Initially, he explains that he chose it because he didn’t want to burden his friends or wife with being the last people to talk with him, to have them think whatever was wrong with him was their fault. So he chose to live, to get himself on a plane home to Austin. Jared also brings up that he felt “there would be hell to pay” because he was canceling those conventions and felt he was letting fans who had “spent their hard-earned money and valuable time off” to meet him and the cast. He hated himself for leaving - but we all know he made the right choice (p.232-237).

The flight home was difficult because he was alone, but he got help from his friend Paul that called him and told him that it’s “not weakness to need help sometimes.” Also, at one point Jared was repeating “Always Keep Fighting” to himself on the plane over and over, and he even started writing AKF all over his left arm. He says by the time he got off the plane it looked like he had a full-sleeve tattoo. Gen, his manager, and “my friend Danneel” were all waiting at the airport for him to offer support and love. Jared says: “I will never be able to tell the three of them how much that meant to me.” (p.237-238).

In this next section he talks about taking those two weeks off and then going to the Gilmore Girls reunion. He then spent time focusing on himself, on family, and working hard to take a proactive approach to his mental and physical health, which included seeking out professionals. He also felt he learned so much about human nature and that the things he learned and the help he got helped to give a positive impact on his life, relationships, and the relationship with himself. He then brings up Comic-Con, and he was nervous because he knew there would be tons of SPN fans there and he wasn’t sure if people were upset with him, if they would be judging him or disappointed in him for how he had canceled the conventions, etc. He felt he would be in a place where there would be “no quiet corner to excuse myself to in case of a panic attack.” And then he tells the story of the tea light candles during the SDCC panel, the letter the fan wrote to him that included Always Keep Fighting and how much the fans loved and supported him. He still has the little tea light in his office. He includes in the chapter the thank you message he wrote on Facebook that night. He said: “It helps put to rest one of my greatest fears: that I’ve let the fans down.” That he feels like he has an “entire family out there that wants” him to know that “just me is ‘just’ fine.” (p.239-244).

The Supernatural fandom taught Jared acceptance. That it’s “okay to fall.” And it’s taught him strength, forgiveness, to Always Keep Fighting, and to Love Myself First. He gives a beautiful closing paragraph on how he tried to create different Jared’s but learned that “me” is okay and what the fandom means to him (p.244-245). The last picture included in the chapter is another one of him and Jensen.

I’m sorry it’s so long, but you said to mention highlights and honestly, every word Jared speaks in the chapter is important so it was hard being even this selective. If you’re able to, or when you’re ready, again, I encourage everyone to read it if they feel they can. There are parts that are heart-wrenching, absolutely, and relatable to many, but at the end there is so much love, warmth, understanding and I have never felt more proud of Jared than I did when I read his story.

#reps #jared padalecki #long story #akf #fdewb #<3<3 #anonymous

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idorkish-og · 8 years ago

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4am Cuddles pt.2

Notes: FINALLY PART 2 is DOOONE! There will be a part 3, depending on how this goes. I’m not 100% in love with this chapter, but it’s a good bridge chapter. This was not Beta read, so all mistakes are completely on me. If you want to be tagged in this, please shoot me a message so I can add you. I’ll be adding a tag list if I get enough people (AKA more than zero lol). ENJOY!

You knew you didn’t have much time left before having to return to the Avengers, it was your job. The past week had been spent reconnecting with your friends. You spent time with Piotr - drawing and painting together and with students in his classes. Other moments were spent with the girls - Jean & Ororo- shopping and gossiping. You also helped around with chores and classes, as needed. Charles insisted you use the time to rest but you loved helping with the children and they seemed to like you back. Most nights you spent in the lab with Hank. It was the most comforting place for you and you felt as if you had never left this space. Despite being close to other X-Men, everyone knew you and Hank were each other’s favorites. The past week had been filled with nothing but joy and happiness. A few people questioned your real motives for returning but you dismissed them immediately. Charles and Jean were sure to know your real reasons but both kept their old promises of never invading your mind to poke around. Jean knew that with time, you would open up and tell what happened. Otherwise, she was glad to have one of her best friends back.

You had at least another full week left before you would be forced to return. Knowing you would have to leave your family and friends again was hard and began to weigh on you. Late saturday, you found your way to the roof of the mansion, your feet hanging over the sides. When younger and still a student here, you would often find yourself up on the roof to get away from everyone. The quiet that came from begin alone have you time to think. You had taken off and immediately threw yourself into keeping yourself busy that you never once have yourself the time to think of what had happened and your next steps. Would you actually go back to the Avengers? You'd be forced to work with Tony and pretend that you never had an issue with him. You knew that if you went back, Natasha would figure everything out. The team wouldn't be the same. You could go back to being a normal agent, perhaps change office locations. But you loved being out in the field, fighting with the team was something you couldn't go back from.

Your other choice was to leave and stay at the Mansion. Charles would be more than willing to let you stay. You could work with the students in class or you could help Charles with admin things. Heck, you were sure Hank would be willing to make you his assistant if it meant you staying. The thought that disturbed you the most was that of running away from both and never returning. You knew you could leave in the middle of the night and they'd have a hard time finding you. Even with cerebro, it would take Charles time to find you and you'd be gone by the time they got there. “Bad day?” A voice called out making you scream and jump. You flailed about as you fell from the ledge back into the roof. The voice started laughing. “You ass,” you sighed when you realized the voice belonged to your blue ball of fuzz. “Damnit Fuzz, why do you enjoy sneaking up on me?” “Why do you insist on calling me Fuzz?”

“I asked first, Hank.”

Hank walked toward you and helped you to your get before pulling you close and placing his hands on your waist. “Because, my dear, it is far too amusing and adorable to see you so lost in thought that you don't realize the amount of noise I do make to get your attention, yet you still get scared. So again, bad day?” Resting your forehead on his chest, all you could do was sigh and shrug. “Come on Y/n. You have to give me more than that.” You pulled away from your best friend and ran your hands down your face. “Just a lot to think about. I’ve made some bad choices lately and I’m not sure what to do anymore.” Hank stepped toward you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you back towards him. Instinctively your arms wrapped around his waist and you snuggled against him. He looked down at the woman in his arms and sighed as he rubbed your back. “I got an idea. What about an ice cream and movie night? Like we used to do. I’ll grab the ice cream and spoons, you pick the corniest movie you can find, then you can vent to your dear ol’ Fuzz.” You let out a smile and nodded your head against his chest. “That sounds perfect. Meet in your room?”

“Meet you there in 20 ok?”

-------------------

-Back at the Tower-

Natasha flopped down on the couch next to Clint and sighed. It had been a week since she had last saw her best friend and despite the messages that Y/n was ok, Natasha couldn’t help but worry. “Ya know, if Y/n says she’s ok, then you know she’s ok right?” Clint’s voice broke Natasha out of her thoughts and she nodded slowly. “I know, but it doesn’t feel right. She’s never talked about her family to me and we talk about everything. She would have told me something before taking off in the middle of the night while we’re all away. Do you think she’s in some sort of trouble?” It was not often that Natasha would show her worry. It was even rarer for Natasha to visibly be anxious. Clint sighed and grabbed her legs, pulling them onto his lap and massaging her calves slowly. “Tasha, calm down. Y/n is ok. She has another week before she’s back here. And we’ll probably see her at the party this week.” Throwing her head back against the sofa’s cushions, she let out a groan. “I forgot about that party! And we’ll be having ‘important people’, as Stark refers to them, there as well.” Clint let out a laugh and pushed her legs off his lap. “It’ll be fine. I got to go, training and all.”

Natasha half-heartedly waved at Clint. Pulling her phone, she shot off some quick messages.

Tasha: y/n!!!! See you at the party right?! Miss you babe! :*

y/n: Tasha! <3 <3 Fingers crossed! Miss ya right back my baby spider!

Tasha: Even if you aren’t here, help me pick out something, k? Skype? Pics? HELP! <3

y/n: Send me pics and I’ll help. I’m 90% sure I’ll make it to the party. Pinky promise!

Tasha: Ugg, you’re killing me! I’m taking Wanda shopping tomorrow, we’ll send plenty of pics so be near your phone! OR ELSE

Y/n: lol I promise! I gotta get going. Need to help with dinner. LOVE YOU MI AMOR!

-------

After an hour of binging on ice cream and corny 80s movies, you had finally vented to Hank about everything that happened, although you decided not to mention names. You knew that Hank wasn’t the biggest fan of Tony Stark, and you didn’t want him to look at you differently. “So, you slept with a co-worker behind everyone’s back and behind his partner’s back? You know you’re my best friend Y/N, and I won’t judge you, but that was a mistake,” Hank pointed his spoon at you before grabbing another spoonful of ice cream. “I know Fuzz! That’s why I broke it off! I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t want it to be awkward, but then it became awkward! I really thought I was in love with him ya know? Then I realized I was just being used and I pulled away from him. But then he started getting all weird,” pausing you shoveled a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth and sighed. “...and? Cmon, I’ve let you go the whole week without me asking anything. You were pretty anxious on the phone when you called. I’m worried about you Boo.” You smiled and chuckled at the nickname. You had called him Fuzz from day one of being friends, it was a name only you could call him. It wasn’t until you forced him to watch Monster’s Inc that he started calling you Boo. Scooting closer, you rested your head on Hank’s arm and sighed. “Hank, I was falling in love with a man who was already taken. I convinced myself that he would leave her because he obviously wasn’t happy with her. I kept telling myself that it would all work out. It wasn’t until he proposed to her that it all came crumbling down, but he still kept coming to me,” you sniffled and wiped at your nose. Hank shook his head and pulled you to sit between his legs and his arms wrapped around you. There were no words he could say to make your heart heal and it was in moments like these that he felt helpless. “Boo...Y/n, despite what happened. Maybe it’s for the best,” he took a moment to think of his next words carefully, unsure as to how you would react, “What if you just came back here? With me..well with us. It wasn’t that bad was it? I-I-we all miss you!”

You sat between his legs, your head resting on his chest. You had sat like this so many times over the time of your friendship and it had been the most safe spot you could ever find. You moved your hand to his arm and slowly stroked at the blue fur. “I’ve been thinking about that ya know. About staying. I was going to talk to Charles and see if I could just work at the school. I’m sure I could do the most good here. I wouldn’t need to use my powers as much here…” your voice drifted. You closed your eyes and felt Hank shift behind you. He moved you both so you were now laying on the bed, you laid on him and nuzzled your cheek to his chest as his arms wrapped around your waist. “Y/n, we would all love you to come back home. Let’s be honest, Charles would let you do nothing all day if it meant you came back. But it has to be because you want to be here and not because you’re running from your problems. It didn’t work well last time, it won’t work well this time. You’re my best friend, and you should know I love you more than anybody else. So when you’re sure about what you want, I will support you.”

You wiped at the tears threatening to spill and nodded at his words. You knew what you had to do. Before you could come back to your family, you had to face your team. You couldn’t just abandon them. “Hank, there’s a party at work coming up. WIll you go with me? Pretty please? With cherries and sprinkles on top?” Hank gave a toothy grin and nodded, “Of course I will. We’ll make everyone jealous. I mean, cmon, Just look at me!” You looked up at his smirking face and both of your started laughing. “Let’s get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning,” Hank pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead and pulled you tightly against him. Giving him a nod, you relax in his arms. This was how you often found yourself falling asleep after missions. Being in his arms again was comforting, it was safe and felt like home. “I love you Fuzz.”

“I love you too my little Boo.”

#4am cuddles #hank mccoy #hank mccoy x reader #beast x-men #x-men #hank mccoy imagine #reader insert

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theliterateape · 5 years ago

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The Primary Reason I Didn’t Vote in the Illinois Primary

By David Himmel

“The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.” —U.S Code 176

I didn’t see the usual “I VOTED” stickers from my darling and my annoying social media friends on Super Tuesday III—as MSNBC was calling it in further effort to make the news feel like a Rocky film. That is due in part because I didn’t spend much time on social media yesterday. I couldn’t afford that time. I was busy with other stuff. But it also could be because a lot of those social media friends didn’t vote, and if they did, things are so goddamn dour now that bragging about running an errand wasn’t worth the energy it takes to frame, filter, and post a pic proving your citizenship.

I also didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III—again, MSNBC’s title for a voting day because MSNBC is run by dorks who get hard and wet over the most mundane but important aspects of American life.

Yep. I’m that guy. I’m that guy who didn’t vote in the most important primary of our lives. Right? That’s what this is, right? Eh. I’m also that guy who is married to a woman who didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III.

Allow me to digress… Okay, look, I realize that MSNBC didn’t create the Super Tuesday III moniker, but that was the channel my wife had on most of the day as we were holed up in our apartment trying to dodge COVID-19. And I dislike MSNBC almost as much as I dislike FOX News, so I’m easily coerced by my own ego—maybe my id, I don’t know—to take a barely clever shit on its dumb, smug face whenever I can.

Now, back to the important thoughts… I’m that guy who didn’t vote. And I’m that guy whose wife didn’t vote. And I fully expect friends of ours, friends like Rory Zacher to comment on this story or its Facebook post, or to text me and say something to the effect of: “I hope Trump comes into your home, grabs your two-year-old-son by the pussy and builds a wall around your toilet. That’s what you get for not voting.” And that’s fine. Because my son doesn’t have a pussy. Just ask him. He will proudly tell you he has a penis and that “Mommy penis… bye-bye.” And that reminds me… I need to teach my son that a penis is not something that all people have then goes “bye-bye.” That’s sexism. And it only applies, respectfully, to rich trannies.

I’m a politico. I even write and host podcasts for POLITICO. But I didn’t vote. Why? Well, duh…

The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

My vote would not have mattered. Nope. I don’t want to hear it. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have chosen a Democratic Ballot. Between the job, trying to keep Literate Ape functioning, missing Don Hall like the deserts miss the rain, being an engaged dad and attentive husband, and thinking through two film projects, one novel, and a book of poetry, I did not have the bandwidth to consider those down-ballot elections. I like to think of myself as non-partisan. I would easily vote republican if I thought a republican candidate could do the job right. But if I had voted today, I would have asked for a Democratic ballot, which means I would have ben voting for the best of the most useless so-called liberal. Maybe there were general contests to vote for, I don’t know. Because I mostly don’t care. And I’ll come back to that in a moment. As it relates to voting for the president, well… I’d prefer Bernie. But, if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, that’s fine. I know Bernie won’t get done all he wants to get done because he’ll never have the support of Congress required to do it. See, the thing that most people forget is that the president is designed to be the Face, not the Ruler. It’s Congress that makes the difference. And come the general election, I’ll likely vote Democrat all the way down. Except for judges. But that’s a complicated story for another time.

The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

So even I had voted, it wouldn’t have mattered. Some excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party would be elected over an equally excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party. And then it’ll be a fight to the finish against a republican cocknozzle who wants to be as (un)cool as Devin Nunes. And my vote for Bernie, and my wife’s vote for Bernie, would not have helped keeping him from getting trounced the same way the Houston Astros trounced the rules of baseball. Thing is, if I had voted, I’d feel far more disappointed than I am right now. And you should know, dear reader, that my secondary goal in life is to master disappointment. The first goal is to convince myself, my wife, and every girlfriend I’ve ever had that I was worth the lay.

Yeah, yeah, Zacher, I know, I could have early voted. And I thought about that. “Maybe we should do that,” I said to my wife, Katie. Or maybe she said it to me. But we didn’t. Why? I dunno. Because this primary didn’t matter much in our household, I suppose. And that’s selfish, I know. But we’re white and not broke, and we own a boat, and we have so many friends who can afford in vitro and all that shit—like multiple times, all of them—so what the fuck do you expect from us?

So, the primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary is because it wasn’t important. And not just because I don’t care about the flawed system or the sub-basement candidates. But because when I considered the risk of casting a vote for one fuckhead over another at risk of contracting COVID-19, I chose to stay home and have Zoom meetings with co-workers.

But here’s the other thing—that goddamn coronavirus. Yep. I’m not afraid, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve been a healthcare journalist to varying degrees for ten years. I was the editor in chief of Chicago Health magazine for six years. I’m a senior healthcare reporter for POLITICO. I’m not bragging (should I?), I’m just setting the stage to tell you that I’m not an everyday idiot. I’m a special kind of idiot! I recognize this shit is real. It was real the moment it left Wuhan. And really, it was real the moment it left the bat and made its way into the first human, or however the fuck this goddamn thing began.

Katie was sick on Sunday. A slight fever, which dropped quickly, was not the great concern. The great concern was her hydration because she was—how can I put this politely—shitting out of her mouth and pissing out of her ass for a good twenty-four hours. Three days later, she’s still struggling to find her normal. And now our boy has a fever. Tuesday afternoon, he broke through 100ºF with the gusto we all wanted Hillary to break through that glass ceiling. (Alas, another white male out did a woman. Yeah, I’m as perturbed by it as you are, brah/sista.)

Do they have COVID-19? Probably not. But were/are they ill? Yep. And in a time when we know less than almost fuck all about this pandemic, should someone exposed to their snot, breath, and farts venture out to a voting booth, take hold of a communal pen, and breathe on every available surface? Nah. Probably not.

As of this writing, I feel great. My bowel movements are as liquid as they usually are and my ability to breathe is as normal as it usually is, which is to say, I can smell all the farts in my house. The lingering ones… the ones living in the couch cushions, the ones that aren’t mine or Katie’s or Harry’s, but those of some of our dearest friends. You know who you are, couch farters.

My office shut down last week after the news that someone in one of the largest downtown Chicago office complexes was tested positive for COVID-19. The agency I work for has taken some drastic measures to ensure its survival as has almost every single organization in the United States with employees and clients to consider. This shit is ugly. And with each passing day, it look smore and more like a more devastating. I mean, they’ve stopped the money. No NBA. No NCAA. No goddam casinos! When America shuts down it’s money, you know shit is real. This is stranger and more dire and more uncertain than 9/11. And 9/11 was fucking fucked up. You remember, right?

So I didn’t vote. I’m on a minor quarantine. Since I’m the only person in our household—other than the dog—without any flu-like or ass dynamite symptoms, I’m the one who makes the Walgreens runs and walks that mooch of a dog (whom I love). And as In pass other dog walkers, or the rare jogger or Walgreens runner, we take extra steps aside to avoid each other—three feet at least! And we give a knowing nod to say, “Don’t vote, dude. Those pens are not getting whipped down. I know they say they are, but come on. We all know that’s not true. The wipedowns are dependent on poorly paid democratic (lowercase D, morons, calm down) do-gooders who would rather be at home than have you breathing and coughing on them.”

The outcome of the 2020 election, presidential and every more important down-ballot ticket will not be determined by my staying at home. And if it does, it doesn’t matter. Because even if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, even if Trump is reelected, even if Kim Fox marries Jussie Smollet’s straight alter-ego, my vote yesterday—Super Tuesday III when Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow scissor to the tune of Europe’s “The Final Countdown” during Morning Joe, nothing is more important than the health of my family, myself, and my neighborhood. Especially when stacked against our decaying democracy, or whatever the fuck we call this shitshow now.

#Election 2020 #Illinois Primary #Illinois Politics #Elections #MSNBC #MSNBC Sucks #Rachel Maddow #Brian Williams #Super Tuesday #elections

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wetrumpfeed · 6 years ago

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Afternoon MAGAthread: YOUR WEEKLY PRESIDENTIAL RECAP!

HAPPY SATURDAY SUPER ELITES!

This is u/Ivaginaryfriend here to help kick off you Saturday with a dank AF recap of the past week of winning! If you happened to miss any past recaps you can catch those here!

Sunday, May 12th:

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

“The Democrats have nothing. Just want to distract from this President. The FBI was not doing its job, the State Department was covering things up everyday for Hillary. At the end of the day they’re fearful of what they did, and should be fearful. This is a tough..... ... ....President who is willing to have the battle, and we have a great Attorney General who is willing to lead the battle, and they are going to get to the bottom of it.” @EdRollins @LouDobbs

(Retweeting Vice President Mike Pence) Under the leadership of @Potus Trump our economy is roaring. Businesses large and small have created more than 5.8 million jobs, unemployment is at a nearly 50-year low, and there are more Americans working today than ever before in the history of this country!

Think of it. I became President of the United States in one of the most hard fought and consequential elections in the history of our great nation. From long before I ever took office, I was under a sick & unlawful investigation concerning what has become known as the Russian.... ... ....Hoax. My campaign was being seriously spied upon by intel agencies and the Democrats. This never happened before in American history, and it all turned out to be a total scam, a Witch Hunt, that yielded No Collusion, No Obstruction. This must never be allowed to happen again!

(Image)

Big attacks on Republicans and Conservatives by Social Media. Not good!

Really sad!

We are right where we want to be with China. Remember, they broke the deal with us & tried to renegotiate. We will be taking in Tens of Billions of Dollars in Tariffs from China. Buyers of product can make it themselves in the USA (ideal), or buy it from non-Tariffed countries... ... ...We will then spend (match or better) the money that China may no longer be spending with our Great Patriot Farmers (Agriculture), which is a small percentage of total Tariffs received, and distribute the food to starving people in nations around the world! GREAT! #MAGA

The Democrats new and pathetically untrue sound bite is that we are in a “Constitutional Crisis.” They and their partner, the Fake News Media, are all told to say this as loud and as often as possible. They are a sad JOKE! We may have the strongest Economy in our history, best... ... ....employment numbers ever, low taxes & regulations, a rebuilt military & V.A., many great new judges, & so much more. But we have had a giant SCAM perpetrated upon our nation, a Witch Hunt, a Treasonous Hoax. That is the Constitutional Crisis & hopefully guilty people will pay!

Despite two years and millions of dollars spent, the Democrats are acting like crazed lunatics ever since the results of the Mueller Report were made public. But they knew there was NOTHING even before the Report was started. It is all a big Hoax, the biggest in American history!

Ever since the Mueller Report showed No Collusion & No Obstruction, the Dems have been working overtime to damage me and the Republican Party by issuing over 80 demands for documents and testimonies, and with NO REASON. That’s all they want to do - don’t care about anything else!

When the Mueller Report came out showing NO Collusion with Russia (of course), it was supposed to be over, back to work for the people. But the Dems have gone “nuts,” and it has actually gotten worse! Hope the Republicans win back the House in 2020, or little will get done!

The “Constitutional Crisis” is the Democrats refusing to work. Let them start by fixing the mess that their Immigration Laws have caused at the Southern Border.

China is DREAMING that Sleepy Joe Biden, or any of the others, gets elected in 2020. They LOVE ripping off America!

“Even Director James Clapper admits that the FBI actions against the Trump Presidential Campaign do in fact meet the definition of spying, perhaps FBI Director Christopher Wray will be the next to do so.” @LouDobbs

“Just another abuse of power in a long series of abuses of power by the Democrats that began during the Obama Administration, continued through the Mueller FBI operation, & now the baton has been passed to Jerry Nadler to continue to abuse power to harass President Trump.. ... ....and the Democrat National Committee-The Democrat Party apparatus-has been caught using donor Dollars to Collude with Russian Intelligence to attack a domestic political opponent (me). The FBI has no leadership. The Director is protecting the same gang.....that tried to.... ... ....overthrow the President through an illegal coup.” (Recommended by previous DOJ) @TomFitton @JudicialWatch

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

True

Told this truck driver I liked his hat and he asked if I wanted one. Guess who has a new hat?

Happy Mother’s Day Melania! A truly amazing woman folks.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Barr in 1991: I will not lower my standards due to journalists or political pressure no matter what they say

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

So now they stop blasting the shooters all over the web, how convenient.

Happy Mother's day to all

Respect!

Sex strike bimbo BTFO

My 12 year old daughter took this pic and sent it to me. I had no idea she actually listens when I talk

Monday, May 13th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Donald J. Trump Signs Executive Order on the Economic Empowerment of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders

Executive Order on Economic Empowerment of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders

Twelve Nominations Sent to the Senate

President Trump Participates in a Bilateral Meeting with the Prime Minister of Hungary

President Trump Participates in the White House Iftar

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

“It’s the attack strategy of harass. This is not about the Attorney General, who is very sophisticated & knows it isn’t about him, it’s about trying to destroy President Trump through an assault on his AG for upholding the rule of law. He released a massive amount of...... ... information! As long as President Trump is President, his opposition will use every tool, and misuse every tool available, to make his life miserable.” @TomFitton @JudicialWatch @LouDobbs Sadly, this proves I am doing a great job - Also, Best Economy and Employment Numbers EVER!

I say openly to President Xi & all of my many friends in China that China will be hurt very badly if you don’t make a deal because companies will be forced to leave China for other countries. Too expensive to buy in China. You had a great deal, almost completed, & you backed out!

Thank you @foxandfriends, great show this morning and congratulations on your number one (by far) rating. Well deserved!

Also, congratulations to @OANN on the great job you are doing and the big ratings jump (“thank you President Trump”)!

The unexpectedly good first quarter 3.2% GDP was greatly helped by Tariffs from China. Some people just don’t get it!

Has anyone noticed that all the Boston @RedSox have done is WIN since coming to the White House! Others also have done very well. The White House visit is becoming the opposite of being on the cover of Sports Illustrated! By the way, the Boston players were GREAT guys!

Bernie Sanders, “The Economy is doing well, and I’m sure I don’t have to give Trump any credit - I’m sure he’ll take all the credit that he wants.” Wrong Bernie, the Economy is doing GREAT, and would have CRASHED if my opponent (and yours), Crooked Hillary Clinton, had ever won!

Democrat Rep. Tlaib is being slammed for her horrible and highly insensitive statement on the Holocaust. She obviously has tremendous hatred of Israel and the Jewish people. Can you imagine what would happen if I ever said what she said, and says?

There is no reason for the U.S. Consumer to pay the Tariffs, which take effect on China today. This has been proven recently when only 4 points were paid by the U.S., 21 points by China because China subsidizes product to such a large degree. Also, the Tariffs can be..... ... ...completely avoided if you buy from a non-Tariffed Country, or you buy the product inside the USA (the best idea). That’s Zero Tariffs. Many Tariffed companies will be leaving China for Vietnam and other such countries in Asia. That’s why China wants to make a deal so badly!... ... ..There will be nobody left in China to do business with. Very bad for China, very good for USA! But China has taken so advantage of the U.S. for so many years, that they are way ahead (Our Presidents did not do the job). Therefore, China should not retaliate-will only get worse!

My Administration will be fighting for $200 million for the Army Corps Everglades restoration work this year. Congress needs to help us complete the world’s largest intergovernmental watershed restoration project ASAP! Good for Florida and good for the environment.

Under my Administration, we are restoring @NASA to greatness and we are going back to the Moon, then Mars. I am updating my budget to include an additional $1.6 billion so that we can return to Space in a BIG WAY!

We must protect our Great Lakes, keeping them clean and beautiful for future generations. That’s why I am fighting for $300 million in my updated budget for the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative.

Today, I officially updated my budget to include $18 million for our GREAT @SpecialOlympics, whose athletes inspire us and make our Nation so PROUD!

Great to welcome Chairman Shin from Lotte Group to the WH. They just invested $3.1 BILLION into Louisiana-biggest investment in U.S. EVER from a South Korean company, & thousands more jobs for Americans. Great partners like ROK know the U.S. economy is running stronger than ever!

Wishing former President Jimmy Carter a speedy recovery from his hip surgery earlier today. He was in such good spirits when we spoke last month - he will be fine!

I met Marine Sgt. John Peck, a quadruple amputee who has received a double arm transplant, at Walter Reed in 2017. Today, it was my honor to welcome John (HERO) to the Oval, with his wonderful wife Jessica. He also wrote a book that I highly recommend, “Rebuilding Sergeant Peck.”

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Dear Left, How's that fight for $15 working out?

Sergeant Kelvin Ansari was shot and killed as he attempted to apprehend a robbery suspect in Savannah, Georgia last night. RIP Sgt Ansari.

"TRUMP 2020: President Trump Supporters CRASH Green New Deal Rally"

GAME OVER: EXONERATED (again)! Send a HUGE message to the Trump Haters by raising $1,000,000 in the NEXT 24 HOURS.

Let's not forget James Woods hasn't posted since April 20 because of Twitter's increasing censorship

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Isn’t it...

To whom was it actually offensive was is the real problem

This is why I'm not worried about 2020.

Feeling cute, might delete the Democrat Party later

Barriers are going up. One way or another

Tuesday, May 14th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Individual to a Key Administration Post

Three Nominations Sent to the Senate

President Trump Delivers Remarks on Promoting Energy Infrastructure and Economic Growth

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

In one year Tariffs have rebuilt our Steel Industry - it is booming! We placed a 25% Tariff on “dumped” steel from China & other countries, and we now have a big and growing industry. We had to save Steel for our defense and auto industries, both of which are coming back strong!

China buys MUCH less from us than we buy from them, by almost 500 Billion Dollars, so we are in a fantastic position. Make your product at home in the USA and there is no Tariff. You can also buy from a non-Tariffed country instead of China. Many companies are leaving China..... ... ....so that they will be more competitive for USA buyers. We are now a much bigger economy than China, and have substantially increased in size since the great 2016 Election. We are the “piggy bank” that everyone wants to raid and take advantage of. NO MORE!

We can make a deal with China tomorrow, before their companies start leaving so as not to lose USA business, but the last time we were close they wanted to renegotiate the deal. No way! We are in a much better position now than any deal we could have made. Will be taking in..... ... Billions of Dollars, and moving jobs back to the USA where they belong. Other countries are already negotiating with us because they don’t want this to happen to them. They must be a part of USA action. This should have been done by our leaders many years ago. Enjoy!

When the time is right we will make a deal with China. My respect and friendship with President Xi is unlimited but, as I have told him many times before, this must be a great deal for the United States or it just doesn’t make any sense. We have to be allowed to make up some..... ... ....of the tremendous ground we have lost to China on Trade since the ridiculous one sided formation of the WTO. It will all happen, and much faster than people think!

Our great Patriot Farmers will be one of the biggest beneficiaries of what is happening now. Hopefully China will do us the honor of continuing to buy our great farm product, the best, but if not your Country will be making up the difference based on a very high China buy...... ... ....This money will come from the massive Tariffs being paid to the United States for allowing China, and others, to do business with us. The Farmers have been “forgotten” for many years. Their time is now!

China will be pumping money into their system and probably reducing interest rates, as always, in order to make up for the business they are, and will be, losing. If the Federal Reserve ever did a “match,” it would be game over, we win! In any event, China wants a deal!

Our great Senator (and Star) from the State of Arkansas, @TomCottonAR, has just completed a wonderful book, “Sacred Duty,” about Arlington National Cemetery and the men and women who serve with such love and devotion. On sale today, make it big!

When Prime Minister @AbeShinzo of Japan visited with me in the @WhiteHouse two weeks ago, I told him that I would be going to the G20 in Osaka, Japan. I look forward to being with him and other World Leaders!

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the opening of the United States Embassy in Jerusalem, Israel. Our beautiful embassy stands as a proud reminder of our strong relationship with Israel and of the importance of keeping a promise and standing for the truth.

It is great to be here in Hackberry, Louisiana with the incredible men and women who are making America into the energy superpower of the world!

With incredible grit, skill, and pride, the 7,000 workers here at Sempra Energy are helping lead the American Energy Revolution. They are not only making our nation WEALTHIER but they are making America SAFER by building a future of American Energy INDEPENDENCE!

The golden era of American energy is now underway!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Fact: Whoever the DNPC runs will still get 100% of the TDS vote. Do not be complacent.

Tariffs force company to move back to the United States...

EXPLOSIVE – FOIA Documents Show Evidence of Weissmann/Mueller Entrapment Scheme…

Barr Reportedly Working Closely With CIA To Review Russia Probe Origins

Don Jr.: "Owned!!! It seems @NYCMayor has been a bit too busy getting whopping crowds of 4 & 5 people in the primary states to see the damage he’s inflicted on NYC. I look forward to his presidential run being even less successful than his time as mayor... if that’s even possible."

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Congratulations, you invented marriage.

Babylon Bee with the spice

A trans child is like a vegan cat

Barack Obama (D-Iran) was the worst President in modern history.

Hide your Kids! There's a Weiner on the Loose!

Wednesday, May 15th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Executive Order on Securing the Information and Communications Technology and Services Supply Chain

President Trump Hosts the Prime Minister of Hungary

President Trump Tours Sempra Energy's Liquid Natural Gas Facility

President Trump Delivers Remarks at the 38th Annual National Peace Officers’ Memorial Service

President Trump Speaks at the 38th National Peace Officers' Memorial

President Trump and The First Lady Host the White House Historical Association Dinner

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Thank you Joe and remember, the BRAIN is much sharper also!

The courage & sacrifice of our heroes is the reason our flag stands tall, our hearts beat with pride, and our Country remains one people, one family, and one NATION UNDER GOD. Today, we thank you, we honor you, & we forever cherish the memory of our Fallen Men and Women in Blue!

We stand firmly, strongly, and proudly with the incredible men and women of law enforcement. You do not hear it nearly enough, but Americans across this Country love you, support you, and respect you more than you could possibly know! #PeaceOfficersMemorialDay

The Fake News Washington Post, and even more Fake News New York Times, are writing stories that there is infighting with respect to my strong policy in the Middle East. There is no infighting whatsoever.... ... ....Different opinions are expressed and I make a decisive and final decision - it is a very simple process. All sides, views, and policies are covered. I’m sure that Iran will want to talk soon.

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

TRUMP to drop visa lottery program, push merit-based admissions!

Im not crying.. Just got something in my eye

"House Democrats Plan Marathon Reading of MUELLER Report" - Now, if we could only get them to do that with bills, BEFORE they pass them...

I'm old enough to remember that Mueller was supposed to testify today but backed out when he realized Republicans were going to get to ask questions, too.

President Trump’s tight labor market has given American workers huge wage, workplace, and employment leverage over employers, a new report details. Go demand a raise today!

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Level 10 Cuck Trolling

It's like I'm 18 Again. (Im 50) T_D > viagra. I levitate off the bed with a freedom boner every morning! BAAAABOOOOM! Bend over deepstate! Where's my covfefe? Let's MAGA! YEEHA!

“Senator for 36 years, Vice President for 8. Blames Trump for America’s problems.”

This.

Facts checked.....my Dude

Thursday, May 16th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Individuals to Key Administration Posts

Proclamation to Modify the List of Beneficiary Developing Countries Under the Trade Act of 1974

Proclamation on Adjusting Imports of Steel into the United States

President Trump Delivers Remarks on Modernizing Our Immigration System for a Stronger America

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

The Dems are getting another beauty to join their group. Bill de Blasio of NYC, considered the worst mayor in the U.S., will supposedly be making an announcement for president today. He is a JOKE, but if you like high taxes & crime, he’s your man. NYC HATES HIM!

Congratulations to Dan Bishop on his big Republican Primary victory in the 9th Congressional District of North Carolina. Dan is strong on Crime, Loves our Military, Vets, 2A, and great Healthcare. He has my Complete and Total Endorsement! #MAGA

We are here on this beautiful spring day to unveil our plan to create a fair, modern & LAWFUL system of immigration for the U.S. If adopted, our plan will transform America’s immigration system into the pride of our Nation and the envy of the modern world.

.@BilldeBlasio is the worst Mayor in the history of New York City - he won’t last long!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

TRUMP STRIPS CALIFORNIA OF $930 MILLION IN HIGH-SPEED RAIL FUNDING. DiFiChi's Graft Shut The Fuck Down

New York Post Absolutely Destroys New York Commie Mayor Bill de Blasio On Front Page

2007 Nancy Pelosi loved merit-based immigration. 2019 Nancy Pelosi says "merit" is "a condescending word" when Trump proposes merit-based immigration.

Nellie Ohr deleted emails sent from husband's DOJ account

White House launches tool to report censorship on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

MUH ALUBUMUH

So suddenly, being in last place for education will be a good thing right?

And sold your organs

Not a single brain cell was used.

Democrats Express Their Grief by Reading the Mueller Report Aloud to an Empty Room

Friday, May 17th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Adjusting Imports of Automobiles and Automobile Parts Into the United States

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Appoint Individual to a Key Administration Post

Proclamation on National Safe Boating Week, 2019

Proclamation on Emergency Medical Services Week, 2019

Proclamation on World Trade Week, 2019

Proclamation on Armed Forces Day, 2019

President Trump: "Our Proposal is Pro-American, Pro-Immigrant, and Pro-Worker"

President Trump Speaks at the National Association of REALTORS Legislative Meetings & Trade Expo

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

The Democrats now realize that there is a National Emergency at the Border and that, if we work together, it can be immediately fixed. We need Democrat votes and all will be well!

Border Patrol is apprehending record numbers of people at the Southern Border. The bad “hombres,” of which there are many, are being detained & will be sent home. Those which we release under the ridiculous Catch & Telease loophole, are being registered and will be removed later!

All people that are illegally coming into the United States now will be removed from our Country at a later date as we build up our removal forces and as the laws are changed. Please do not make yourselves too comfortable, you will be leaving soon!

Will the Democrats give our Country a badly needed immigration win before the election? Good chance!

“What happened is that Donald Trump won. Down goes Comey.” @foxandfriends

DRAIN THE SWAMP!

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

New Fox Poll: 58% of people say that the FBI broke the law in investigating Donald J. Trump. @foxandfriends

My Campaign for President was conclusively spied on. Nothing like this has ever happened in American Politics. A really bad situation. TREASON means long jail sentences, and this was TREASON!

Will Jerry Nadler ever look into the fact that Crooked Hillary deleted and acid washed 33,000 emails AFTER getting a most powerful demand notice for them from Congress?

The Fake News Media is hurting our Country with its fraudulent and highly inaccurate coverage of Iran. It is scattershot, poorly sourced (made up), and DANGEROUS. At least Iran doesn’t know what to think, which at this point may very well be a good thing!

It now seems the General Flynn was under investigation long before was common knowledge. It would have been impossible for me to know this but, if that was the case, and with me being one of two people who would become president, why was I not told so that I could make a change?

With all of the Fake and Made Up News out there, Iran can have no idea what is actually going on!

Today, it was my great honor to address the the National Association of REALTORS!

Consumer Sentiment in the month of May is the highest in 15 years. Very nice! @FoxNews

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Missouri's GOP-led Legislature passes 8-week abortion ban

Crack Pipe, IDs, And Badge Found In Hunter Biden Rental Car

Trump Admin Notifies 500,000+ Employers They Have Workers With Bogus Social Security Numbers

AG Barr full interview with Bill Hemmer of Fox News

Guatemalan Ghost Towns: Traffickers Tout U.S. Asylum Laws To Lure Migrants Away From Homeland

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Do you think the government should--

Should men boycott haunted vaginas?

Happy 10 birthday to second best selling game of all time Minecraft

Alright, which one of y’all did this? Brian “Krappenstein” lmaooo

Give it up for this based Patriot!

Saturday, May 18th:

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Our courageous and vigilant Armed Forces safeguard the blessings of liberty for us and for future generations by selflessly answering the call of duty. Today, and every day, we acknowledge and celebrate all who proudly wear our Nation’s uniforms! http://45.wh.gov/b5uNuT

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

IT'S BULLSHIT!!

Don Jr. Taunts James Comey

‘White House Correspondent’ BANNED From Twitter After Joining One America News

FITTON: ENORMOUS:AG Barr serious about investigating Spygate abuses; Mueller anti-Trump "pitbull" Weissmann behind hires for anti-Trump Mueller Op PLUS Bruce Ohr and Obama State Dept conspired to target Trump AFTER 2016 election. Big Judicial Watch Update!

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

NPC update: AG Barr is Donald Trumps attorney

Abracadabra

Good morning Patriots!!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂 he's speaking to his largest audience of the day! Link in commentsv

WEEEEW LADS!!!!

Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this winning:

6’s to 9’s

Right To It

It's Strange

High You Are

Alley-Oop

MAGA ON PATRIOTS!

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robgrayofficial · 6 years ago

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HAPPY SATURDAY SUPER ELITES!This is u/Ivaginaryfriend here to help kick off you Saturday with a dank AF recap of the past week of winning! If you happened to miss any past recaps you can catch those here!Sunday, May 12th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:“The Democrats have nothing. Just want to distract from this President. The FBI was not doing its job, the State Department was covering things up everyday for Hillary. At the end of the day they’re fearful of what they did, and should be fearful. This is a tough..... ... ....President who is willing to have the battle, and we have a great Attorney General who is willing to lead the battle, and they are going to get to the bottom of it.” @EdRollins @LouDobbs(Retweeting Vice President Mike Pence) Under the leadership of @Potus Trump our economy is roaring. Businesses large and small have created more than 5.8 million jobs, unemployment is at a nearly 50-year low, and there are more Americans working today than ever before in the history of this country!Think of it. I became President of the United States in one of the most hard fought and consequential elections in the history of our great nation. From long before I ever took office, I was under a sick & unlawful investigation concerning what has become known as the Russian.... ... ....Hoax. My campaign was being seriously spied upon by intel agencies and the Democrats. This never happened before in American history, and it all turned out to be a total scam, a Witch Hunt, that yielded No Collusion, No Obstruction. This must never be allowed to happen again!(Image)Big attacks on Republicans and Conservatives by Social Media. Not good!Really sad!We are right where we want to be with China. Remember, they broke the deal with us & tried to renegotiate. We will be taking in Tens of Billions of Dollars in Tariffs from China. Buyers of product can make it themselves in the USA (ideal), or buy it from non-Tariffed countries... ... ...We will then spend (match or better) the money that China may no longer be spending with our Great Patriot Farmers (Agriculture), which is a small percentage of total Tariffs received, and distribute the food to starving people in nations around the world! GREAT! #MAGAThe Democrats new and pathetically untrue sound bite is that we are in a “Constitutional Crisis.” They and their partner, the Fake News Media, are all told to say this as loud and as often as possible. They are a sad JOKE! We may have the strongest Economy in our history, best... ... ....employment numbers ever, low taxes & regulations, a rebuilt military & V.A., many great new judges, & so much more. But we have had a giant SCAM perpetrated upon our nation, a Witch Hunt, a Treasonous Hoax. That is the Constitutional Crisis & hopefully guilty people will pay!Despite two years and millions of dollars spent, the Democrats are acting like crazed lunatics ever since the results of the Mueller Report were made public. But they knew there was NOTHING even before the Report was started. It is all a big Hoax, the biggest in American history!Ever since the Mueller Report showed No Collusion & No Obstruction, the Dems have been working overtime to damage me and the Republican Party by issuing over 80 demands for documents and testimonies, and with NO REASON. That’s all they want to do - don’t care about anything else!When the Mueller Report came out showing NO Collusion with Russia (of course), it was supposed to be over, back to work for the people. But the Dems have gone “nuts,” and it has actually gotten worse! Hope the Republicans win back the House in 2020, or little will get done!The “Constitutional Crisis” is the Democrats refusing to work. Let them start by fixing the mess that their Immigration Laws have caused at the Southern Border.China is DREAMING that Sleepy Joe Biden, or any of the others, gets elected in 2020. They LOVE ripping off America!“Even Director James Clapper admits that the FBI actions against the Trump Presidential Campaign do in fact meet the definition of spying, perhaps FBI Director Christopher Wray will be the next to do so.” @LouDobbs“Just another abuse of power in a long series of abuses of power by the Democrats that began during the Obama Administration, continued through the Mueller FBI operation, & now the baton has been passed to Jerry Nadler to continue to abuse power to harass President Trump.. ... ....and the Democrat National Committee-The Democrat Party apparatus-has been caught using donor Dollars to Collude with Russian Intelligence to attack a domestic political opponent (me). The FBI has no leadership. The Director is protecting the same gang.....that tried to.... ... ....overthrow the President through an illegal coup.” (Recommended by previous DOJ) @TomFitton @JudicialWatchSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:TrueTold this truck driver I liked his hat and he asked if I wanted one. Guess who has a new hat?Happy Mother’s Day Melania! A truly amazing woman folks.A picture is worth a thousand wordsBarr in 1991: I will not lower my standards due to journalists or political pressure no matter what they say🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:So now they stop blasting the shooters all over the web, how convenient.Happy Mother's day to allRespect!Sex strike bimbo BTFOMy 12 year old daughter took this pic and sent it to me. I had no idea she actually listens when I talkMonday, May 13th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Signs Executive Order on the Economic Empowerment of Asian Americans and Pacific IslandersExecutive Order on Economic Empowerment of Asian Americans and Pacific IslandersTwelve Nominations Sent to the SenatePresident Trump Participates in a Bilateral Meeting with the Prime Minister of HungaryPresident Trump Participates in the White House Iftar🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:“It’s the attack strategy of harass. This is not about the Attorney General, who is very sophisticated & knows it isn’t about him, it’s about trying to destroy President Trump through an assault on his AG for upholding the rule of law. He released a massive amount of...... ... information! As long as President Trump is President, his opposition will use every tool, and misuse every tool available, to make his life miserable.” @TomFitton @JudicialWatch @LouDobbs Sadly, this proves I am doing a great job - Also, Best Economy and Employment Numbers EVER!I say openly to President Xi & all of my many friends in China that China will be hurt very badly if you don’t make a deal because companies will be forced to leave China for other countries. Too expensive to buy in China. You had a great deal, almost completed, & you backed out!Thank you @foxandfriends, great show this morning and congratulations on your number one (by far) rating. Well deserved!Also, congratulations to @OANN on the great job you are doing and the big ratings jump (“thank you President Trump”)!The unexpectedly good first quarter 3.2% GDP was greatly helped by Tariffs from China. Some people just don’t get it!Has anyone noticed that all the Boston @RedSox have done is WIN since coming to the White House! Others also have done very well. The White House visit is becoming the opposite of being on the cover of Sports Illustrated! By the way, the Boston players were GREAT guys!Bernie Sanders, “The Economy is doing well, and I’m sure I don’t have to give Trump any credit - I’m sure he’ll take all the credit that he wants.” Wrong Bernie, the Economy is doing GREAT, and would have CRASHED if my opponent (and yours), Crooked Hillary Clinton, had ever won!Democrat Rep. Tlaib is being slammed for her horrible and highly insensitive statement on the Holocaust. She obviously has tremendous hatred of Israel and the Jewish people. Can you imagine what would happen if I ever said what she said, and says?There is no reason for the U.S. Consumer to pay the Tariffs, which take effect on China today. This has been proven recently when only 4 points were paid by the U.S., 21 points by China because China subsidizes product to such a large degree. Also, the Tariffs can be..... ... ...completely avoided if you buy from a non-Tariffed Country, or you buy the product inside the USA (the best idea). That’s Zero Tariffs. Many Tariffed companies will be leaving China for Vietnam and other such countries in Asia. That’s why China wants to make a deal so badly!... ... ..There will be nobody left in China to do business with. Very bad for China, very good for USA! But China has taken so advantage of the U.S. for so many years, that they are way ahead (Our Presidents did not do the job). Therefore, China should not retaliate-will only get worse!My Administration will be fighting for $200 million for the Army Corps Everglades restoration work this year. Congress needs to help us complete the world’s largest intergovernmental watershed restoration project ASAP! Good for Florida and good for the environment.Under my Administration, we are restoring @NASA to greatness and we are going back to the Moon, then Mars. I am updating my budget to include an additional $1.6 billion so that we can return to Space in a BIG WAY!We must protect our Great Lakes, keeping them clean and beautiful for future generations. That’s why I am fighting for $300 million in my updated budget for the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative.Today, I officially updated my budget to include $18 million for our GREAT @SpecialOlympics, whose athletes inspire us and make our Nation so PROUD!Great to welcome Chairman Shin from Lotte Group to the WH. They just invested $3.1 BILLION into Louisiana-biggest investment in U.S. EVER from a South Korean company, & thousands more jobs for Americans. Great partners like ROK know the U.S. economy is running stronger than ever!Wishing former President Jimmy Carter a speedy recovery from his hip surgery earlier today. He was in such good spirits when we spoke last month - he will be fine!I met Marine Sgt. John Peck, a quadruple amputee who has received a double arm transplant, at Walter Reed in 2017. Today, it was my honor to welcome John (HERO) to the Oval, with his wonderful wife Jessica. He also wrote a book that I highly recommend, “Rebuilding Sergeant Peck.”SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Dear Left, How's that fight for $15 working out?Sergeant Kelvin Ansari was shot and killed as he attempted to apprehend a robbery suspect in Savannah, Georgia last night. RIP Sgt Ansari."TRUMP 2020: President Trump Supporters CRASH Green New Deal Rally"GAME OVER: EXONERATED (again)! Send a HUGE message to the Trump Haters by raising $1,000,000 in the NEXT 24 HOURS.Let's not forget James Woods hasn't posted since April 20 because of Twitter's increasing censorship🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Isn’t it...To whom was it actually offensive was is the real problemThis is why I'm not worried about 2020.Feeling cute, might delete the Democrat Party laterBarriers are going up. One way or anotherTuesday, May 14th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Individual to a Key Administration PostThree Nominations Sent to the SenatePresident Trump Delivers Remarks on Promoting Energy Infrastructure and Economic Growth🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:In one year Tariffs have rebuilt our Steel Industry - it is booming! We placed a 25% Tariff on “dumped” steel from China & other countries, and we now have a big and growing industry. We had to save Steel for our defense and auto industries, both of which are coming back strong!China buys MUCH less from us than we buy from them, by almost 500 Billion Dollars, so we are in a fantastic position. Make your product at home in the USA and there is no Tariff. You can also buy from a non-Tariffed country instead of China. Many companies are leaving China..... ... ....so that they will be more competitive for USA buyers. We are now a much bigger economy than China, and have substantially increased in size since the great 2016 Election. We are the “piggy bank” that everyone wants to raid and take advantage of. NO MORE!We can make a deal with China tomorrow, before their companies start leaving so as not to lose USA business, but the last time we were close they wanted to renegotiate the deal. No way! We are in a much better position now than any deal we could have made. Will be taking in..... ... Billions of Dollars, and moving jobs back to the USA where they belong. Other countries are already negotiating with us because they don’t want this to happen to them. They must be a part of USA action. This should have been done by our leaders many years ago. Enjoy!When the time is right we will make a deal with China. My respect and friendship with President Xi is unlimited but, as I have told him many times before, this must be a great deal for the United States or it just doesn’t make any sense. We have to be allowed to make up some..... ... ....of the tremendous ground we have lost to China on Trade since the ridiculous one sided formation of the WTO. It will all happen, and much faster than people think!Our great Patriot Farmers will be one of the biggest beneficiaries of what is happening now. Hopefully China will do us the honor of continuing to buy our great farm product, the best, but if not your Country will be making up the difference based on a very high China buy...... ... ....This money will come from the massive Tariffs being paid to the United States for allowing China, and others, to do business with us. The Farmers have been “forgotten” for many years. Their time is now!China will be pumping money into their system and probably reducing interest rates, as always, in order to make up for the business they are, and will be, losing. If the Federal Reserve ever did a “match,” it would be game over, we win! In any event, China wants a deal!Our great Senator (and Star) from the State of Arkansas, @TomCottonAR, has just completed a wonderful book, “Sacred Duty,” about Arlington National Cemetery and the men and women who serve with such love and devotion. On sale today, make it big!When Prime Minister @AbeShinzo of Japan visited with me in the @WhiteHouse two weeks ago, I told him that I would be going to the G20 in Osaka, Japan. I look forward to being with him and other World Leaders!Today marks the one-year anniversary of the opening of the United States Embassy in Jerusalem, Israel. Our beautiful embassy stands as a proud reminder of our strong relationship with Israel and of the importance of keeping a promise and standing for the truth.It is great to be here in Hackberry, Louisiana with the incredible men and women who are making America into the energy superpower of the world!With incredible grit, skill, and pride, the 7,000 workers here at Sempra Energy are helping lead the American Energy Revolution. They are not only making our nation WEALTHIER but they are making America SAFER by building a future of American Energy INDEPENDENCE!The golden era of American energy is now underway!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Fact: Whoever the DNPC runs will still get 100% of the TDS vote. Do not be complacent.Tariffs force company to move back to the United States...EXPLOSIVE – FOIA Documents Show Evidence of Weissmann/Mueller Entrapment Scheme…Barr Reportedly Working Closely With CIA To Review Russia Probe OriginsDon Jr.: "Owned!!! It seems @NYCMayor has been a bit too busy getting whopping crowds of 4 & 5 people in the primary states to see the damage he’s inflicted on NYC. I look forward to his presidential run being even less successful than his time as mayor... if that’s even possible."🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Congratulations, you invented marriage.Babylon Bee with the spiceA trans child is like a vegan catBarack Obama (D-Iran) was the worst President in modern history.Hide your Kids! There's a Weiner on the Loose!Wednesday, May 15th:TODAY'S ACTION:Executive Order on Securing the Information and Communications Technology and Services Supply ChainPresident Trump Hosts the Prime Minister of HungaryPresident Trump Tours Sempra Energy's Liquid Natural Gas FacilityPresident Trump Delivers Remarks at the 38th Annual National Peace Officers’ Memorial ServicePresident Trump Speaks at the 38th National Peace Officers' MemorialPresident Trump and The First Lady Host the White House Historical Association Dinner🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Thank you Joe and remember, the BRAIN is much sharper also!The courage & sacrifice of our heroes is the reason our flag stands tall, our hearts beat with pride, and our Country remains one people, one family, and one NATION UNDER GOD. Today, we thank you, we honor you, & we forever cherish the memory of our Fallen Men and Women in Blue!We stand firmly, strongly, and proudly with the incredible men and women of law enforcement. You do not hear it nearly enough, but Americans across this Country love you, support you, and respect you more than you could possibly know! #PeaceOfficersMemorialDayThe Fake News Washington Post, and even more Fake News New York Times, are writing stories that there is infighting with respect to my strong policy in the Middle East. There is no infighting whatsoever.... ... ....Different opinions are expressed and I make a decisive and final decision - it is a very simple process. All sides, views, and policies are covered. I’m sure that Iran will want to talk soon.SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:TRUMP to drop visa lottery program, push merit-based admissions!Im not crying.. Just got something in my eye"House Democrats Plan Marathon Reading of MUELLER Report" - Now, if we could only get them to do that with bills, BEFORE they pass them...I'm old enough to remember that Mueller was supposed to testify today but backed out when he realized Republicans were going to get to ask questions, too.President Trump’s tight labor market has given American workers huge wage, workplace, and employment leverage over employers, a new report details. Go demand a raise today!🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Level 10 Cuck TrollingIt's like I'm 18 Again. (Im 50) T_D > viagra. I levitate off the bed with a freedom boner every morning! BAAAABOOOOM! Bend over deepstate! Where's my covfefe? Let's MAGA! YEEHA!“Senator for 36 years, Vice President for 8. Blames Trump for America’s problems.”This.Facts checked.....my DudeThursday, May 16th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Individuals to Key Administration PostsProclamation to Modify the List of Beneficiary Developing Countries Under the Trade Act of 1974Proclamation on Adjusting Imports of Steel into the United StatesPresident Trump Delivers Remarks on Modernizing Our Immigration System for a Stronger America🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:The Dems are getting another beauty to join their group. Bill de Blasio of NYC, considered the worst mayor in the U.S., will supposedly be making an announcement for president today. He is a JOKE, but if you like high taxes & crime, he’s your man. NYC HATES HIM!Congratulations to Dan Bishop on his big Republican Primary victory in the 9th Congressional District of North Carolina. Dan is strong on Crime, Loves our Military, Vets, 2A, and great Healthcare. He has my Complete and Total Endorsement! #MAGAWe are here on this beautiful spring day to unveil our plan to create a fair, modern & LAWFUL system of immigration for the U.S. If adopted, our plan will transform America’s immigration system into the pride of our Nation and the envy of the modern world..@BilldeBlasio is the worst Mayor in the history of New York City - he won’t last long!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:TRUMP STRIPS CALIFORNIA OF $930 MILLION IN HIGH-SPEED RAIL FUNDING. DiFiChi's Graft Shut The Fuck DownNew York Post Absolutely Destroys New York Commie Mayor Bill de Blasio On Front Page2007 Nancy Pelosi loved merit-based immigration. 2019 Nancy Pelosi says "merit" is "a condescending word" when Trump proposes merit-based immigration.Nellie Ohr deleted emails sent from husband's DOJ accountWhite House launches tool to report censorship on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:MUH ALUBUMUHSo suddenly, being in last place for education will be a good thing right?And sold your organsNot a single brain cell was used.Democrats Express Their Grief by Reading the Mueller Report Aloud to an Empty RoomFriday, May 17th:TODAY'S ACTION:Adjusting Imports of Automobiles and Automobile Parts Into the United StatesPresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Appoint Individual to a Key Administration PostProclamation on National Safe Boating Week, 2019Proclamation on Emergency Medical Services Week, 2019Proclamation on World Trade Week, 2019Proclamation on Armed Forces Day, 2019President Trump: "Our Proposal is Pro-American, Pro-Immigrant, and Pro-Worker"President Trump Speaks at the National Association of REALTORS Legislative Meetings & Trade Expo🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:The Democrats now realize that there is a National Emergency at the Border and that, if we work together, it can be immediately fixed. We need Democrat votes and all will be well!Border Patrol is apprehending record numbers of people at the Southern Border. The bad “hombres,” of which there are many, are being detained & will be sent home. Those which we release under the ridiculous Catch & Telease loophole, are being registered and will be removed later!All people that are illegally coming into the United States now will be removed from our Country at a later date as we build up our removal forces and as the laws are changed. Please do not make yourselves too comfortable, you will be leaving soon!Will the Democrats give our Country a badly needed immigration win before the election? Good chance!“What happened is that Donald Trump won. Down goes Comey.” @foxandfriendsDRAIN THE SWAMP!MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!New Fox Poll: 58% of people say that the FBI broke the law in investigating Donald J. Trump. @foxandfriendsMy Campaign for President was conclusively spied on. Nothing like this has ever happened in American Politics. A really bad situation. TREASON means long jail sentences, and this was TREASON!Will Jerry Nadler ever look into the fact that Crooked Hillary deleted and acid washed 33,000 emails AFTER getting a most powerful demand notice for them from Congress?The Fake News Media is hurting our Country with its fraudulent and highly inaccurate coverage of Iran. It is scattershot, poorly sourced (made up), and DANGEROUS. At least Iran doesn’t know what to think, which at this point may very well be a good thing!It now seems the General Flynn was under investigation long before was common knowledge. It would have been impossible for me to know this but, if that was the case, and with me being one of two people who would become president, why was I not told so that I could make a change?With all of the Fake and Made Up News out there, Iran can have no idea what is actually going on!Today, it was my great honor to address the the National Association of REALTORS!Consumer Sentiment in the month of May is the highest in 15 years. Very nice! @FoxNewsSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Missouri's GOP-led Legislature passes 8-week abortion banCrack Pipe, IDs, And Badge Found In Hunter Biden Rental CarTrump Admin Notifies 500,000+ Employers They Have Workers With Bogus Social Security NumbersAG Barr full interview with Bill Hemmer of Fox NewsGuatemalan Ghost Towns: Traffickers Tout U.S. Asylum Laws To Lure Migrants Away From Homeland🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Do you think the government should--Should men boycott haunted vaginas?Happy 10 birthday to second best selling game of all time MinecraftAlright, which one of y’all did this? Brian “Krappenstein” lmaoooGive it up for this based Patriot!Saturday, May 18th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Our courageous and vigilant Armed Forces safeguard the blessings of liberty for us and for future generations by selflessly answering the call of duty. Today, and every day, we acknowledge and celebrate all who proudly wear our Nation’s uniforms! http://bit.ly/2LROWWY TWEETS AND NEWS:IT'S BULLSHIT!!Don Jr. Taunts James Comey‘White House Correspondent’ BANNED From Twitter After Joining One America NewsFITTON: ENORMOUS:AG Barr serious about investigating Spygate abuses; Mueller anti-Trump "pitbull" Weissmann behind hires for anti-Trump Mueller Op PLUS Bruce Ohr and Obama State Dept conspired to target Trump AFTER 2016 election. Big Judicial Watch Update!🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:NPC update: AG Barr is Donald Trumps attorneyAbracadabraGood morning Patriots!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂 he's speaking to his largest audience of the day! Link in commentsvWEEEEW LADS!!!!Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this winning:6’s to 9’sRight To ItIt's StrangeHigh You AreAlley-OopMAGA ON PATRIOTS! #robgray

#robgray

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oselatra · 6 years ago

Text

Visionary Arkansans 2018

Inspired men and women who are making great things happen.

Benito Lubazibwa Working for economic mobility.

Benito Lubazibwa wants to do more than encourage African-American entrepreneurship, though that is the primary focus of his own startup, Remix Ideas. "Integrating capital with humanity" is what the native of Tanzania and University of Central Arkansas alumnus says is the ultimate goal: to make Little Rock a more connected, integrated place to live, to break down barriers not just to capital — an entrepreneur's biggest challenge — but between people.

That's what Remix's Night Market in the Bernice Garden has been able to achieve on a small scale. The Night Market's slogan is "One City, One Love," and serves as both a platform for startups — 40 vendors were at the September event — and a place to mingle, listen to music, dine and dance. Nearly all the vendors were women, a fact that pleased Lubazibwa mightily, and established businesses on Main Street indirectly benefited. The event, which Lubazibwa and chief creative officer Angel Burt organized, featured not just African-American women starting out in business, but food trucks featuring the cuisine of many nationalities: Venezuelan, Mexican, Colombian and African. It also had a broader mission than to help create business: It also created jobs. The men setting up and taking down the market were hired intentionally from the ranks of SoMa's homeless population, and Lubazibwa said they were eager, excellent employees who not only showed up on time, but early. They were paid $15 an hour and given T-shirts identifying them with the Night Market. "I told people, the people you have been serving, dancing with, those are the people you call homeless. I call them freedom fighters — they have to fight against whatever is holding them back," Lubazibwa said.

Remix has been in business for a year, working with financing partner Communities Unlimited Inc., which provides microloans, and Innovate Arkansas, an initiative of Winrock International. It hosts the "Remix Pitch Challenge," awarding $1,000 to the winning startup pitch, and will hold a "Celebration of Startups" networking and pitch challenge party from 5-10 p.m. Dec. 14 at the Arkansas Regional Innovation Hub, 201 E. Broadway in North Little Rock. (Tickets are $10.)

Remix seeks to inspire would-be entrepreneurs with its radio show "Remix Ideas." Creative officer Burt interviews business people on the half-hour show on KABF-FM, 88.3, which airs at 11:30 a.m. Wednesdays.

Remix has also worked out discounts for use of co-working spaces at the Little Rock Technology Park and the Innovation Hub. Remix clients will be able to use space at the tech park, at 417 Main St., for $50 a month, and at the Hub for $40 a month.

Remix has several workshops and events lined up for 2019, including a 12-week Startups Business Academy, beginning in February, for people who have the ideas, but not the know-how, on running a business. "Eighty percent of startups fail," Lubazibwa said. The business academy will be practical, showing people how to test their ideas. "You don't buy a car without driving it," he said. "You test drive."

Remix will also hold three pitch challenges and the Ideas Weekend festival July 25-27.

Lubazibwa is also working to introduce the Impactor card, which for $10 will give card holders discounts at participating businesses. It's similar to the Partners Card that the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences issues to support cancer research, but instead of two weeks, the Impactor Card will be good for a year. Several businesses have signed on to the idea already, including Remix Ideas' most high-profile success story, Kontiki African Restaurant; and Pyramid Art Books and Custom Framing. Garbo Hearne, who owns Pyramid, said she was impressed with Lubazibwa's energy and his ideas for Little Rock. Lubazibwa said the card would be a "win-win" for customers, giving them a break, and businesses, who would see more customers.

Lubazibwa said he worked in Africa after graduating from UCA in 2001, but realized that Arkansas was as much in need of the same "ecosystem" — a favorite word of startup promoters — to address similar barriers to economic success as were the places in Africa he worked.

It was his parents who instilled in him the notion that the important thing in life was to help others. "They believe that you are judged not by your harvest, but by the seed you are planting. ... That's been in my life since the beginning."

The next movement among people of color will be an economic movement, Lubazibwa believes. "Martin Luther King did an excellent job on civil rights. Now it's time for this generation to fight for economic mobility," not just for African Americans, but "women, Latinos, everybody." He believes Remix is part of that movement.

For information on Remix workshops and events, go to remixideas.com.

— Leslie Newell Peacock

Brandon Markin A curious and roving eye.

Brandon Markin's approach to photography and life are the same: "You get one go-round and so you might as well try it all and put yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable and just deal with that. ... I look at photography as an extension of who I am as a person and a way to document my learning experience as I go through life."

That deep curiosity shines through in a scan of his online portfolios on Instagram (@bnikram) and brandonmarkin.com. There you'll find a tender black-and-white portrait of a young black man holding a diaper-clad baby who regards the camera with a blank wonder, while her father, eyes downcast and with the hint of a grin, plays with her impossibly small baby fingers. It's captioned "From a front porch in Helena. Talking boxing with TJ." Another black-and-white image from January is all light and shadow, a big band of men in cowboy hats on a stage, with beams of light emanating from spotlights out into a sparse crowd on the dance floor, dark shapes huddled tight. It's titled "Quinceañera de Juliana."

Like everyone else's Instagram page, Markin also includes pictures of his family. His wife and frequent muse, Mariella, is a student at the Clinton School of Public Service. The family traveled to Bocas del Toro, an island chain province of Panama, over the summer while Mariella did her required service project, so you'll also find pictures such as one Markin captioned "Girl in Bahia Honda, Panama with her dolls. Life is sweet and fleeting." It's of a small girl in a white dress standing in front of a giant window, looking warily outside the frame and clutching her dolls tightly to her chest.

Markin, 43, of North Little Rock, prefers analog film photography. "I've always been drawn to that process," he said, though he didn't start young. "It wasn't until I was well into adulthood [that] I had the resources to pursue that." Why film? "Part of it is nostalgia. We're nostalgic creatures. Photography is the nostalgic medium. What you're doing, in a way, is stopping time. You're capturing light from a moment that will never be repeated again." You also learn to appreciate motion, he said. "When most people do digital photography, that obsession with perfection means, if they're shooting something with low light, they'll try to stop the motion. But if you're doing it with film, that motion turns into a beautiful thing, with waves and streaks and such."

He's part of noted photographer Rita Henry's Blue-Eyed Knockers collective in Little Rock. The group gets together regularly at Henry's Stifft Station studio to hang out and process film. Through that group and under his own initiative, he's done a number of projects: pics of political protest, of the dilapidated Hotel Pines in Pine Bluff, of the Kanis Bash, where skateboarders and punk and hardcore bands gather at the Kanis Park skate bowl.

Markin makes a living as a photographer, which means he shoots products, events and magazine portraits with a digital camera. But he's committed to continuing his art photography. He has a solo retrospective coming in November 2019 at the William F. Laman Library in North Little Rock. He dreams of traveling through Central and South America on a photo project (Mariella is from Ecuador, so he's traveled to South America before). He met Adger Cowans, the famed fine art photographer, at a talk at Hearne Fine Art earlier this year and asked him for advice. "He said, 'Do what you do and don't worry about where the money is going to come from. If you're true to your spirit and vision, it may take a while, but the money will come.' " For now, Markin is content to keep on keeping on. "Any day that I can be walking around with the camera taking photographs and doing what I love, that's a win for me."

—Lindsey Millar

Jared Henderson Lost the battle, but sees hope for Democrats in the longer political struggle.

First, a bit of news for the politicos for whom it's already time to begin worrying over elections in 2020: Count Jared Henderson of Little Rock out as a candidate for the U.S. Senate or Congress. But don't take that as a sign that his political fire is dwindling. Yes, as the Democratic nominee for governor, he got walloped by Governor Hutchinson in November. (Henderson got 31.7 percent of the vote, while Hutchinson secured 65.4 percent.) That's a big gap, but Hutchinson was a popular incumbent; no one gave Henderson much of a shot to defeat him, particularly considering Henderson had little to no name recognition.

After 10 months of hard campaigning, meeting and greeting and stump-speaking across the state, Henderson may be beat up a bit, but at 40, with a decorated resume and a Clintonesque gift for making policy relatable, he has the look of a star prospect for Arkansas Democrats.

So what's next? He hasn't charted a path yet, but says he plans to "stay engaged in politics." He won't run against U.S. Sen. Tom Cotton or U.S. Rep. French Hill, not because he doesn't think they're beatable in two years, but because he's got a young family and isn't ready to spend 60 percent of his time in Washington, D.C.

After getting two advanced degrees from Harvard, in business administration and public administration, Henderson worked for NASA and for McKinsey & Co., the worldwide consulting firm. He returned to Arkansas to lead the state branch of Teach for America, with a plan to eventually get into politics. "But I was perpetually six or 10 years away until Donald Trump got elected," he said. "When that happened, especially as a new father, I said, 'We've got to get a good, competent, compassionate, inclusive party back in the state,' and the fastest way is just to get in and do it. And, yeah, we may continue to get thumped for a while, but there's not a faster way to make progress."

Why make the political leap into a race for the highest statewide office? Why not start in city hall or in the state legislature? "Whether it's right or wrong, in politics, as long as you're a credible and competent candidate, voters fit you into the box in which you're introduced. ... In politics, I think you have to take risks," Henderson said.

He concedes that he made some first-time-candidate mistakes. "I didn't really start to understand and build an operation that could raise significant amounts of money until June or July, but once we did, I actually started raising significant amounts of money, especially since I was going against someone that no one thought was beatable. If I had been able to start that a year earlier, we would've had enough money to introduce myself to the rest of the state. Would that have won it for us? Probably not. But would that have gotten me another 10 points? Very plausible."

For Democrats to succeed down the road, the party must invest in infrastructure and continue to improve on candidate recruitment, he said.

"My campaign built a field organization that really reached pretty far, but could've gone so much farther. We're rebuilding data systems as a party, so we know which doors to knock on and which voters to engage. As we rebuild that over the next 10 years, you could imagine that compressing some of the margins even more. It's going to take more money than we had. It's going to take a party infrastructure that brings more people in. It's going to take contesting every race."

If Democrats can make improvements, Republicans might help their cause, Henderson said, noting as markers Oklahoma, which recently elected a Democratic congressman, and Kansas, which elected a Democratic governor.

"I don't want the economy to teeter for anyone's political fortune," Henderson said. "But sooner or later it'll turn. I was running this year because I wanted to win and I believed there was a hell of a good argument to win. And I lost. Let the Republicans go do what they say they're going to do in the next few years. Let them cut another $180 million in taxes. Let them ignore that we have the sixth-highest prison population in the world. Let them kick the can on highway funding. We'll see if they follow through with this raise on teachers, but even if they do, it's not going to be enough. This profession is bleeding."

Henderson would like to continue to advocate for issues on which he campaigned. "Education, teenage pregnancy and rural economic development — those are things I'm passionate about and things I believe are really fundamental for building a better future for the whole state, and they're areas that are way under-resourced. You can also speak to them in conservative values. I can talk to my conservative family members on why these things matter and I can get them to nod their heads."

— Lindsey Millar

Lorenzo Lewis Mental health care advocate.

Lorenzo Lewis says his narrow escape from the school-to-prison pipeline was a testament to the importance of equipping marginalized men of color with coping skills and resources to manage their mental health. That's why in 2016 Lewis founded the Confess Project; its mission is to bring mental health and emotional awareness education to men and boys of color.

Lewis was born while his mother was incarcerated. He said behavior and anxiety issues in his early childhood led to his two-month stay at a juvenile facility in Pulaski County at age 10. He wasn't encouraged to talk about his feelings or trauma and almost re-entered the juvenile system at age 17.

"Emotionally, I wasn't validated as a young man," Lewis said. He was told that God heals everything, "but [that's] not practically looking at what helps and digging into the issue." The Confess Project advocates for psychological therapy and medication management. "Some of these different tools that you need to understand, through the process of healing and growing, [are] really important to getting on the right track. And I think those were not the things that were pushed in front of me."

The Confess Project offers monthly empowering sessions, community forums on social and emotional issues; 90-minute workshops for marginalized men and boys ages 10-40 on character education, academic improvement and life skills; and the Confess College Tour, which travels to different campuses with a curriculum focused on mental health education, prevention techniques and open dialogue.

The Confess Project also travels to barbershops in the South and Midwest as part of its "Beyond the Shop" series to meet men and boys where they are. Lewis said the "Beyond the Shop" model is intended to initiate conversations that spread further into the communities the nonprofit serves.

"The model of 'Beyond the Shop' is really meant to let this conversation start here, but blossom into our communities, into our homes, into our families, to help our children, to better our relationships," Lewis said. "So that's why it's called 'Beyond the Shop,' to say that it starts here but it revolutionizes throughout the places we live, work and play in."

Confess Project facilitators provide pamphlets on counseling services at the "Beyond the Shop" meetings. Lewis said that these efforts come full circle when he learns of someone who attended a session and went on to begin counseling, or quit smoking, or otherwise take better care of themselves.

"That is why we do what we do. ... I think it's the ultimate feeling as a founder of this organization," he said. "You intend for that to happen, but you don't always see it happen as rapidly, so when you see that happen, it really gives you a lot of satisfaction. At that point, you know that they have a larger chance of transforming their life, more than what they had before."

The Confess Project also trains barbers to become mental health advocates. Lewis said it intends to train 700 barbers next year through webinars, online video training and follow-ups.

Healing is at the root of what the Confess Project does. The curriculum guides men and boys through three archetypes of masculinity: provider, protector and priest. Lewis said once men and boys are able to identify the harmful constraints and pressures of these archetypes, they're able to gain perspective on the unhealthy behaviors they engender.

"Once you get men to understand that, I think they will begin to live a better quality of life," Lewis said. "We also ask, what is the speed of healing? But we let them know that time to heal and grow is different. ...

"A lot of the conversation is about manhood. It's mental health, but it's also about manhood. We have to dig deep into identity, and social skills, and building relationships. A lot of stuff comes up about divorce, and girls, and domestic violence, and child support. You're really dealing with men from the things that affect men."

According to Lewis, the Confess Project is built on the testimony and storytelling of facilitators with stories like his — stories like those of the men and boys in the barbershops and college campuses and community spaces they visit. Lewis said the resonance is crucial to the fulfillment of the organization's mission.

"I think it's important, because it allows them to really see the bigger picture," he said. "It allows them to see accelerated growth, and it's also just transparent, because it's someone who looks like them and comes from the same neighborhood, or went to the same high school as them, may have had failing grades just like them. ... Our facilitators and staff with the Confess Project all harness stories of power. ... It's a mixture of guys from different walks of life and professions who can relate to our key mission that helps us develop a bigger narrative."

— Rebekah Hall

Project REACH How a team of Arkansans hopes to change the criminal justice system.

Dr. Nickolas Zaller, Dr. Femina Varghese and Ben Udochi were recently awarded a three-year, $350,000 fellowship through the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation's Interdisciplinary Research Leaders program. The fellowship will allow the team to conduct a telehealth pilot study that provides behavioral health counseling in the West Memphis area for people on probation or parole.

Zaller, an associate professor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences' Fay W. Boozman College of Public Health, said the project came to fruition after discussions with Varghese and Udochi, the assistant director of substance use treatment with Arkansas Community Correction, about the capacity of telehealth medicine to reach people in isolated areas.

"We hear all the time that we live in a rural state, [that] we have all these access issues in terms of health care in general," Zaller said. "I feel that we underutilize the potential with things we have, like telehealth and telemedicine, to reach more people in rural areas."

According to Zaller, the pilot study will take place at the local office of Arkansas Community Correction, which oversees parolees and probationers, who are required to report there. If they fail to show up for a meeting with their probation or parole officer, a warrant is issued for their arrest.

"The idea was that is an opportunity," Zaller said. "They're already in the office. We've identified individuals who are struggling. Can we then provide some additional services while they're there?"

According to an analysis by the Pew Research Center and the Laura and John Arnold Foundation of data from a 2016 federal Bureau of Justice Statistics survey, one in 44 Arkansans is under some form of correctional supervision, one of the highest rates in the nation. Zaller said this high rate could in part be attributed to the fact that Arkansas lacks adequate treatment capacity for folks with mental health or substance use issues.

"We haven't invested, it's just plain and simple," Zaller said. "We have not invested in that capacity. We haven't prioritized it, we haven't invested, and this is the consequence."

Zaller and Udochi said the team decided on West Memphis for the pilot study because of its proximity to more rural areas of the state, as the RWJF fellowship focuses specifically on health care in rural America. Udochi said individuals on parole or probation living in rural areas face unique challenges to accessing necessary services.

"Some of the rural areas, they don't have the necessary services rightly available in their location," Udochi said. "Second to that is the transportation issue. So they have to travel a long distance to get the services they need. The hope is that with telehealth services, we can see how beneficial those services can be in alleviating some of those problems in those areas."

Varghese, an associate professor of counseling psychology at the University of Central Arkansas in Conway, will supervise her Ph.D. students who will provide the telehealth counseling. Zaller said he, Varghese and Udochi intentionally designed the pilot study to involve students in hopes of generating future interest in the criminal justice field.

"We wanted to do something where we could help these parolees in critical areas and provide our students with some wonderful training, as they're interested in this area, and when they graduate they could continue the work in this area, whether it's part of their practice or pro bono," Varghese said. "It would be sustainable to two different roles."

According to the research team, the pilot study will compare two different groups. Each group will receive a six-session intervention. One group will receive only the treatment that the Community Correction department assigns to it based on its assessment and no telehealth counseling. The other group will also get the Community Correction treatment assigned to it, but that will be augmented by the telehealth counseling conducted by Varghese and her students.

Zaller, Varghese and Udochi will follow the progress of participants over a period of about six months to observe "overall substance use behaviors," Zaller said. The team will then compare the outcomes of the two groups using standardized assessment tools, such as the Addiction Severity Index, and by conducting pre- and post-study interviews with both the Community Correction officers and the individuals who received treatment.

Zaller, Varghese and Udochi said the pilot study would be considered successful if participants respond well to the telehealth counseling and the ACC decides to expand the study to collect more information from different Community Correction locations in the state. But expanding the study would require funding from the state, and Zaller said such funding could be difficult to come by because of attitudes about criminal justice and punishment. According to Zaller, a main emphasis of the fellowship is also to change the cultural narrative surrounding criminal justice and incarceration by becoming public health leaders in the community.

"A lot of it is a cultural shift," Zaller said. "What do we see as the big picture? What sort of society do we want to live in? Right now, we've chosen a society totally dominated by fear. ... And unless we change that narrative, and unless people understand that there are a lot of structural factors that relate to crime, including violent crime, we have to understand that it's not all the same. We have to really start thinking carefully about what it is that we're punishing people for."

—Rebekah Hall

Steve Arrison The Hot Springs promoter wants to see hordes in hot water.

Here's what Steve Arrison envisions: lots of people pouring into Hot Springs, biking in, hauling kayaks in, driving in for the World's Shortest St. Patrick's Day Parade. Bunking in the new hotels, soaking up the craft suds, enjoying the thermal waters. And he wants an improved quality of life for the residents of the Spa City. Thanks to the internet, Arrison said, "people can live anywhere." Why not Hot Springs?

Arrison, 62, has worked as the CEO of Visit Hot Springs, the city's convention and visitor's bureau, for 20 years. In that time, he's seen gaming join the racetrack at Oaklawn Park, the reopening of once-struggling Magic Springs Theme and Water Park in 2000 thanks to a local bond issue, the expansion of the convention center and the opening of the Embassy Suites Hotel. He was part of the group that worked on the Hot Springs Historic Baseball Trail. The latest big thing that has Hot Springs promoters licking their chops: Oaklawn's $100 million expansion that will bring a high-rise hotel with 200 rooms, an event center and a bigger gaming area.

Arrison is quick to say he wasn't alone, or even the prime mover, in bringing such new investments to Hot Springs. He's part of a team, and he was reluctant to have the Arkansas Times single him out.

But he would take credit for the Northwoods project, the multimillion-dollar bike-trail development taking place on 2,000 hilly Ouachita Mountain acres just west of downtown. The property was made off-limits to the public after 9/11 because its four lakes supplied drinking water to the city. The city opened the land after it discontinued use of three of the lakes, and in 2016 Arrison — who said he didn't even know the property existed — visited. He was struck by its beauty and had the notion that it would be a good place to build bike trails. Hot Springs already attracts the cycling public with several bike trails, both rugged and easy.

After a visit to Bentonville, where the Walton Family Foundation has invested $74 million on mountain bike trails and the bike trail system that connects Bentonville to Bella Vista and Fayetteville, Arrison made a pitch for Walton money for the Northwoods trail. He was successful: The Walton Family Foundation matched Visit Hot Springs' contribution of $680,000 and phase one was launched. The city dedicated the trail's first 14 miles in November; eventually, Northwoods will have 44 miles of mountain bike trail, complete with angled berms, dirt ramps and tricky turns. Arrison wants to see the lakes become kayaker destinations.

Arrison is also looking forward to the day when the Southwest Bike Trail from Pulaski County to Garland County becomes a reality, but that will be many years from now. He's not going anywhere, however: "I hope to be in this job six or seven years from now. I love what I do."

Next on Arrison's plate is the development of the city's five acres at Park and Central avenues, where the Majestic Hotel once stood. The University of Arkansas's Fay Jones School of Architecture and Design and Kansas State University are in charge of the "visioning process" for the site. Arrison's vision involves Hot Springs' reason for being: the thermal waters. He'd like to see outdoor thermal pools, where people could relax in the toasty 143-degree F. (on average) water.

The Majestic property is a "real pivotal piece" to Hot Springs' development, so it's important to "get it right." He thinks a public-private partnership is likely.

—Leslie Newell Peacock

Stacey McAdoo Transformative teacher.

Long before Stacey McAdoo was a communications teacher at Little Rock's Central High School — let alone the 2019 Arkansas Teacher of the Year — she was a poet. In the mid-'90s, having just graduated from Hall High School, she and her future husband, Leron, began self-publishing a magazine intended to serve as a platform for fellow creatives, especially people of color. They put out a call for submissions, cut-and-pasted together their book by hand and were soon running off copies at a 24-hour Kinkos. They dubbed it "The Writeous."

"When you talk about underrepresented people, one of the things we are underrepresented in is media, and the ability to tell our story," McAdoo said. "A lot of poets wanted to have a place to share their voice, and we filled that niche."

"Fast forward: When I became an educator, I took that same concept and brought it to the classroom," she said. "So I am now the founder and sponsor of the Writeous Poetry Club ... and the Writeous has transformed from a magazine to a youth-oriented poetry collective."

Since McAdoo started the club in 2002 — her first year at Central and her first year teaching — at least 50 students have participated each year, writing and performing original material at open mics, concerts and on "The Writeous Hour," a radio show she co-produces on local station KWCP-FM, 98.9. Kids learn new skills, build creative projects of their own and travel to other cities. "We also do workshops around Arkansas and the country, teaching other people, other youth, how to use and find their voice," she said. (Leron, who's better known around town as the multitalented performer, writer and artist Ron Mc, remains an integral part of "The Writeous.")

The state's teacher of the year is a product of the Little Rock School District. McAdoo grew up in Southwest Little Rock, where she attended Baseline Elementary and Cloverdale Elementary, then went on to Henderson Middle School and Hall. McAdoo received a B.A. in professional and technical writing from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock.

Though she always knew she wanted to be a teacher, she brushed those thoughts aside after graduating. The teaching profession was losing the esteem it had once enjoyed in society, McAdoo said; the message she received from her peers and community was that the classroom wasn't the place for her. Instead, she found a comfortable job at Alltel as an administrative assistant and started a family.

Then, her brother died in a car accident, "and I realized then that life was too short for me to not do what I felt I was supposed to do," McAdoo said. "I quit my job, cut my hair off, and enrolled in ... a master's program [at UA Monticello]." As a first-year teacher, she said, she saw a drop in both pay and health benefits compared to her secretarial job at Alltel.

McAdoo arrived at Central the same year as its principal, Nancy Rousseau. She's been teaching communications at the school ever since. She's also taught AVID, or Advancement Via Individual Determination, a college-readiness program for students who are typically the first in their families to go to college since 2007. "I'm their teacher 9th-12th grade," she said. The purpose of AVID is to equip students with the "soft skills" they need to navigate adult life and "discover the hidden curriculum" in college and beyond. "We, as in society, basically operate from a middle-class white person's perspective, and we assume everyone's experience matches that," she said.

As Teacher of the Year, McAdoo will receive a $14,000 award sponsored by the Walton Family Foundation. Beginning in July 2019, she'll spend a sabbatical year of service traveling the state and the nation, speaking with teachers and doing professional development. McAdoo will also have a nonvoting seat on the state Board of Education — the body that took over the Little Rock School District in 2015 and has controlled it for the last four years.

McAdoo said she "has a lot of thoughts" about education policy and the LRSD, but she's not yet sure how she'll leverage her newfound status. "I'm just looking and trying to see where my place is," she said. Was she surprised to be selected for the honor? McAdoo laughed. "In light of who I am, and in light of today's climate — yeah, it's real interesting!" she said.

In general, McAdoo isn't shy about expressing her views. Sixteen years ago, as a newly minted teacher, she was skeptical of the emphasis placed on standardized testing by No Child Left Behind, the federal education law. She recalls saying as much to Rousseau during her first interview. Today, she said, "I still think standardized testing is — the word I want to use is 'wack.' ... Because there's no standard child. The whole premise of testing students to whatever this norm is, it's ridiculous." In her classroom, she said, "I close my door and I've done what I thought was best for the children. I teach pretty much the way I wish I had been taught — and/or the way that I think my biological children need." (She and Ron have a daughter who's now a senior at Central and a son who attends Tennessee State University; her daughter is an accomplished poet in her own right.)

Though she's proud of her work in the classroom, McAdoo considers the Writeous Poetry Club her "most valuable contribution ... to society" because it takes a group of kids and "helps validate them as thinkers."

"My platform as Teacher of the Year is using passion and poetry to close the opportunity gap," she said. "You have a core group of students, for the most part from inner-city Little Rock ... spending their time sitting around writing and re-writing and practicing. That's how you transform not just education, but a city."

— Benjamin Hardy

Chrissy Chatham Defender of potential.

When Chrissy Chatham took the helm as CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Arkansas in 2015, she didn't exactly know what she was getting into. The secondhand store Savers, which provided a significant amount of funding for the nonprofit, closed both its locations in Little Rock and North Little Rock in 2017, a major setback to the operations of BBBSCA. But Chatham said her vision of growth for the organization has remained the same since she became CEO.

"I've been hopeful the entire three years," she said. "My tendency is to be more resilient and optimistic. We've had several blows over the three years that could have caused some serious changes, but at the end of the day, it's an opportunity to grow, it's an opportunity to build and make this organization true to what it is and get down to the basics. So many nonprofits end up doing more than they're supposed to do, and when you don't have that ability to do more, you get really good at what you're supposed to do."

Big Brothers Big Sisters' mission is to provide at-risk children one-on-one relationships with adults. According to Chatham, the Central Arkansas chapter has 89 children matched with mentors. But there is a disparity in the number of boys waiting for adult mentors — 127 boys are in the process of becoming Little Brothers; 50 are waiting for mentors. At the moment, there are only 19 men going through the necessary background checks and interviews required to be a Big Brother. The reverse is true for girls: There are 42 girls in the process of becoming Little Sisters, and 60 women in the process of becoming Big Sisters. The organization needs more male volunteers and more young girls.

Chatham said the continued investment in the matches is an investment in the future. "I think mentors are valuable and incredibly undervalued in our community," she said. "Every single person has had somebody, whether they realize it or not, to help them through a situation, or a period, or their entire life. ... This is one solution to help our community get better. We've got a lot of crime and we've got a lot of problems with the school system, and we can point to all kinds of things that are wrong. But we have to invest in our youngest populations and set them up for success for that long-term goal of having a successful community."

Big Brothers Big Sisters of America handed down new brand positioning in October, complete with a new logo. Chatham said the new branding is an effort to expand the organization's impact and to "defend the potential" of every child. The new logo of BBBS America features a lowercase "b" in white, which the organization's website said represents Littles and their families. The logo is completed by a green curve that creates an uppercase "B," which represents the Bigs who strengthen the relationships among themselves, their Littles and their families.

A new video for the organization says, "We are not saviors. We are allies." It's a sentiment that Chatham said she's inspired by.

"I love the idea that we're not saviors, we're defenders," she said. "And it's true, we're not saviors. ... [These are] kids who just have an opportunity and have a chance, we just need to open the door for them."

Opening that door isn't nearly as much of a time commitment as people think, according to Chatham. The community-based mentorship program requires Bigs to spend time with their Littles for a minimum of two hours, at least twice a month — just 48 hours per year. Chatham said another common misunderstanding about the organization is what the definition of a good mentor is.

"You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be present," she said. "And, in fact, people who have less than perfect backgrounds are generally going to be fantastic mentors."

When Bigs draw on their own life experiences to help shape the futures of the Littles they mentor, this helps the Littles realize they can do and be more, Chatham said.

"It's not the mentor's role or job to create potential," Chatham said. "It's there. It's our job to defend it, and to make sure it's able to grow, and to light that fire within the kids."

— Rebekah Hall

Kim Lane Empowering entrepreneurs.

Those who think that studying poetry in high school is a waste of time for those whose future is in business should meet Kim Lane.

Lane, 27, who speaks (and thinks) nearly as fast as the speed of sound, rattled off the Edgar Lee Masters poem that inspired her in her teenage years to make her own happiness and success in the working world, part of which is "Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances. ... Life without meaning is torture."

Did this reporter know, Lane asked during an interview at a coffee shop in Conway, where she is the CEO of startup promoter The Conductor, that "85 percent of people hate their jobs?" She was determined that would not be her fate.

Lane's path to The Conductor was a complicated one, a route that took the Hendrix College writing major to work as an advertising writer, then a freelance writer of listicals for a national online publication, then an editor for a local online publication about business (she was also an intern at the Arkansas Times). After a visit to the first Arkansas Challenge startup contest in Northwest Arkansas, she "fell in love with the whole entrepreneurial thing." On she went to the Arkansas Regional Innovation Hub, where she oversaw its One Million Cups entrepreneur meetups created by the Ewing Marian Kauffman Foundation. She was so successful that Kauffman asked her to be a regional organizer. She became an organizer for the Global Entrepreneurship Network after she brought Global Entrepreneurship Week to Arkansas. For the network, she's traveled to places as far-flung as Africa and Istanbul to help create community among entrepreneurs.

People have been starting businesses for eons, so why the need for The Conductor's mentorships, guidance and access to funding? Because the economy has changed. She cited Kauffman vice president Victor Hwang's comparison of the industrial age economy to today's: It was once the case that the entrepreneur created a widget and the factory that turned it out. Lane likened it to row crop farming, with one plant dominating and weeds — new ideas — being removed. In today's technological world, she said, there is more opportunity for entrepreneurs to act on their own, "and by the way, weeds are good now." Today's job creation is "more about embracing the beauty of everybody's ideas," Lane said.

Some of those ideas are coming from students. The Conductor, which Lane and "Chief Catalyst" Jeff Standridge got up and running with help from partner Startup Junkie Consulting of Fayetteville, partners with the University of Central Arkansas. UCA offers the free Makerspace, complete with 3D printers and other fabrication tools, on its campus, and Lane said it's always full. The space will grow — and continue to be free — when the Conway Corp. utility creates the Arnold Innovation Center in what is now City Hall at 1201 W. Oak St. "It's going to be groundbreaking," Lane said, and credited the collaboration of the Conway Chamber of Commerce, City Hall, Acxiom, Conway Corp. and other sponsors for "moving the needle" of entrepreneurship in Conway and Faulkner County and reducing barriers to business ideas from minorities and women.

Lane said she works "at the intersection of life coaching and entrepreneurship," helping people see that they can act on their dreams, and "see their life a different way." She advises not just people who have ideas but people who only know they want a job that will make them happy.

— Leslie Newell Peacock

Drs. Yu-Po Chan, Edmund Wilson and Po-Hao Adam Huang Spaceflight cubed.

Hold your hands in front of you and form a pair of square brackets with your fingers and thumbs, your palms a few inches apart. That's about the size and shape of the device that will be Arkansas's first satellite. If all goes well, a tiny cube packed with scientific instruments soon will be gathering atmospheric data as competently as satellites thousands of times larger and more costly, according to Dr. Yu-Po Chan of UA Little Rock.

"We are planning in the long run to have a constellation of these satellites ... flying in formation," Chan said. "This would be Arkansas's very first with our name on it. Many other states bigger than us have already launched, so we are catching up, basically."

Chan, the chair of UA Little Rock's systems engineering department, is among a trio of Arkansas researchers working to design CubeSats, a class of miniaturized, low-cost "nanosatellites." His collaborators are Dr. Po-Hao Adam Huang, an assistant professor of mechanical engineering at UA Fayetteville, and Dr. Edmund Wilson, a chemistry professor at Harding University in Searcy. Their first CubeSat model, ArkSat-1, is being designed by Huang. It should be delivered to NASA by the end of 2019 and launched in early 2020.

CubeSats aren't novel in themselves — NASA's most recent mission to Mars experimentally deployed a pair of the devices near the red planet — but the Arkansas team has a number of original research goals and design innovations. Many nanosatellites don't have a propulsion system. The ones that do typically use a pressurized aerosol propellant, such as freon. But Huang came up with a different fuel: water.

"Our technique is basically using small, micro-channels to contain the water," Huang said. "We open those valves, and it will evaporate. ... It becomes a gas, and we use it as a propellant."

In October, Chan received a $24,900 grant from NASA to develop a different CubeSat project. Called SAMSAT ("solar and atmospheric measuring satellite"), it will eventually map the presence of water vapor, methane, carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases in the atmosphere above Arkansas. Chan will then compare that information to data collected by the Geostationary Operational Environmental Satellite, or GOES-16, which is one of two weather orbiters operated by NASA and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

GOES weighs in at over 3 tons, according to NASA's website — about the weight of a Hummer H2. SAMSAT will probably weigh around 3 pounds.

"We are using the big satellite's data to validate that what we see is accurate," Chan said. "We're talking about billions of dollars in the big satellite, thousands of dollars in these small satellites." The team hopes to prove a CubeSat "can do the same job at monitoring the atmosphere as the big, big bird," he said.

The team also hopes SAMSAT can do a better job at collecting data than some of its cousins because it will be more nimble. That's where Huang's propulsion system comes in. "CubeSats generally don't have a way to maneuver," Huang said. Because they can reorient themselves only a few degrees per second, it's difficult for their instruments to gather data on a small patch of atmosphere as the craft zips through low earth orbit at thousands of miles per hour. "With our design, we can rotate 90 degrees on the order of five to 10 seconds. ... That may be kind of slow on Earth, compared to a car, but it's really fast for a spacecraft."

The job of measuring the atmosphere's composition falls to the team's third member, Wilson. Scientists determine the composition of a gas by examining the behavior of light that has passed through it, a technique called spectroscopy. But most spectrometers are too large to fit comfortably inside a CubeSat, Wilson said.

"I've been able to find a spectrometer that is about the size of a joint in your finger. It's about 1 inch by a half inch by a half inch ... so it may be exactly what we need for our mission," he said. In addition to demonstrating the utility of their technological innovations, the team hopes to gather unique data on the atmosphere above Arkansas, establishing a baseline that could be of use for climate science in the future.

The long-term goal, Chan said, is to deliver a proof of concept that could yield funding for further research. "We're trying to catch a big fish — a multiyear, much larger grant," he said. "It could be beneficial for industry, including manufacturing."

And beyond. Wilson and Huang said they have hopes that their innovations could have application to NASA as it contemplates exploring the moons of Jupiter and Saturn in the coming decades. "Our overall goal is to be able to have a mission to some other solar system body, like Titan," Wilson said.

— Benjamin Hardy

Brian Mitchell History detective.

As the 100th anniversary of the massacre of African Americans at Elaine approaches, first-year graduate students in Dr. Brian Mitchell's public history class at UA Little Rock are filling in gaps in the story of what was one of the most deadly race riots in America.

In September 1919, after one of several meetings black farmers held with representatives of the Progressive Farmers and Household Union, a white deputy spying on the meeting was fatally shot. Acting at the urging of the Phillips County sheriff, a mob of whites roamed the county, killing hundreds — some estimates are as high as 800 — of black residents. Five whites were killed, but only African Americans were arrested and jailed.

Twelve black men were quickly found guilty of murder by an all-white jury and sentenced to death. They were imprisoned while their appeals in two famous cases traveled to the state and U.S. supreme courts. Their convictions were overturned, and they were sentenced to time served and released. But fearing they'd be lynched, all 12 fled the state, along with hundreds of other African Americans from Elaine who feared for their lives.

Mitchell has guided his public history students in the search to find out what happened to those 12 men. He did the legwork over the summer to provide them with public records — census records, city directories, vital records and newspaper accounts. They've been able to track down six of the 12 so far, and locate most of the graves of those six.

As part of the class, the students will write biographies of the men for the Butler Center for Arkansas Studies' Encyclopedia of Arkansas. They are also raising funds to place markers on their graves, a project UA Little Rock is doing in collaboration with the National Park Service and other agencies and with the help of private individuals.

Mitchell said that one of the "more interesting aspects" of the class' work on Elaine is to "reassess the role of black World War I veterans." One of the hundreds of men killed by the posse was a veteran who'd been home in Arkansas for just a few months. Returning veteran farmers were "looking for fair compensation, and rather than deal with them fairly, it was easier to kill them," Mitchell said.

UA Little Rock's drama department will use Mitchell's class' research to write and produce a play. "There are such rich characters" in the Elaine story, Mitchell said. "There was one guy who became a gangster in Illinois," Mitchell said.

A previous class worked to transcribe the death certificates of African Americans killed in the race massacre and created a database. The database has been provided to the Arkansas State Archives for public use.

Future projects for Mitchell's first-year grad students include research into West Rock, the African-American community once situated at the base of Cantrell Hill, as a way to learn about redlining, the real estate practice of segregating blacks in certain neighborhoods. He's interested, too, in more study of the tragedy at the Wrightsville boys' so-called "industrial school," which was in fact a prison, where 21 boys locked in a dorm perished in a fire in 1959. He has turned over to the Butler Center records he has on what so-called offenses the boys committed to be sent to Wrightsville.

Mitchell, 50, a Louisiana native who came to Arkansas after the Hurricane Katrina disaster in New Orleans, has been a professor at UA Little Rock for four years (he was an adjunct earlier in his move to Little Rock, and later an investigator with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and Metroplan researcher). Mitchell wants to give his students the opportunity to collaborate more with the community, doing joint projects with state and federal agencies and other history-minded groups "to open up an avenue of employment" for those who choose not to pursue doctoral degrees. He said the public history program's success in finding jobs for its graduates, including archival work and museum exhibition, is nearly 100 percent. In fact, the program doesn't accept more students than it thinks will be able to find jobs. The program has "given a level of visibility to the school," Mitchell said. "When I say it's an excellent program, I mean it's an excellent program."

—Leslie Newell Peacock

Jen Gerber Multifaceted creative.

Jen Gerber's first time on a film set was for a small acting role in a country music video in Nashville, Tenn. Gerber, who goes by Jen, said being on the set that day changed her life. "I realized in that moment it was everything I wanted out of theater, which was storytelling [and] a collaborative creation process, but I really didn't want to be an actor," she said.

She's been busy since. She earned an master's of fine arts degree in writing and directing at Columbia University in New York and served as the creative director at The School of Creative and Performing Arts in Los Angeles and New York for six years. She previously worked as an assistant professor at the University of Central Arkansas in Conway and now teaches a film production class at the Arkansas School for Mathematics, Sciences and the Arts.

In her spare time, she's directed a film — "The Revival" — that has been screened in Los Angeles and abroad.

Now the accomplished writer, director and professor is the executive director of the Hot Springs Documentary Film Festival, a job that keeps her busy yearround. This year's festival, in October, screened 127 films — up from the 2017 festival's 84 films — and its audiences are growing as well. Gerber said she plans to continue the festival's growth by adding more education and outreach opportunities, such this year's inaugural Emerging Voices Filmmaking Retreat for new voices in nonfiction filmmaking and the Emerging Filmmakers workshops for middle and high school students.

These outreach programs, as well as events such as a guided walking tour of Hot Springs given by Matt Green, the subject of the documentary "The World Before Your Feet" and a "walker" who's walking every street and path in New York City, help audiences connect with the documentaries in a larger way, Gerber said.

"I want to do much, much more of that next year to create more of an interactive experience," she said. "Because what's the difference between watching the film at home and watching it at the festival? It's that you get that extra connection to enhance the experience."

With the rising popularity of documentaries such as box-office hits "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" and "RBG," Gerber said she's excited about the future of the genre and her involvement in it.

"I think I've become the director of this festival at the right time for the genre because documentary is becoming so mainstream," she said. "It's always been around, it's not in any way new, but I feel right now people are hungry for the truth. ... It's been a new time for documentaries in terms of the audience desire for them and also just creatively. They've become very well told stories. And they always have been, but I think right now we're really seeing different ways that documentary filmmakers are elevating the storytelling within their films."

Though she hasn't made a documentary film, Gerber said she's inspired by the intensive research conducted by documentarians on the subjects of their films. She's now writing a script for a new project: "Crash Reel," about a female demolition derby driver.

"You get to walk in someone else's shoes," Gerber said. "I don't anticipate that I'll ever drive in a derby, but through film, your curiosity can lead you anywhere. I was at a derby and had this idea, and it's started a path now for me of asking questions, getting to know a world, and daydreaming my own ideas into that world."

Gerber is also working on a more autobiographical project titled "Pretty Near Perfect" that's loosely based on her time as a teenage beauty queen living in Hot Springs. For other female filmmakers and storytellers who are looking to break into the industry, Gerber encourages them to find a great mentor and support system, a role she happily served for her former UCA students, some of whom go on to be hired on Gerber's own projects.

"I want to support them, I want to help them grow their resume, and they're really good at what they do," she said. "I've watched them grow beyond what I taught them, so when it comes to any project that I do, I start by hiring this group of young women that I worked with here in Arkansas."

—Rebekah Hall

Jerrmy Gawthrop and Bryan and Bernice Hembree They form the engine that makes the Fayetteville Roots Festival go.

This is a story about three friends with complementary talents who started a music and food festival that's grown into an event that has no rival in Arkansas — but still, its founders insist, remains humble.

More than a decade ago, Fayetteville's Bryan and Bernice Hembree, the husband-and-wife musical duo who perform as Smokey & The Mirror, befriended Fayetteville restaurateur Jerrmy Gawthrop. Gawthrop, in turn, regularly asked them to play at his restaurant Greenhouse Grille. (At the time, the Hembrees were performing as part of a trio called 3 Penny Acre. Gawthrop and his business partner, Clayton Suttle, sold Greenhouse Grille to the Arsaga family earlier this year; they still own two Wood Stone Pizza restaurants).

In 2010, the Hembrees were asked by three musical groups they'd met on the road for help booking a show in Fayetteville on the same weekend. That was the impetus for getting with Gawthrop to put on a one-day Fayetteville Roots Festival at Greenhouse Grille on a Sunday — brunch paired with 10 bands. About 160 people showed up. There was a morning slate of music and an hour break, which was to be followed by an afternoon lineup. During that hour, a water main near Greenhouse Grille ruptured. "During that geyser that was happening, we had musicians putting sandbags in front of Greenhouse Grille," Bryan Hembree remembered. Luckily, George's Majestic Lounge was free that day and welcomed the waterlogged fest.

Near-catastrophe aside, the trio realized they had a winning concept on their hands. Thanks to some underwriting support from a fan from the first event, the Roots Festival was able to book Texas singer/songwriter legend Guy Clark and, in turn, secure the Walton Arts Center as a venue. From there, the festival, held annually in August, has grown exponentially.

This year's event featured the likes of Mavis Staples, Booker T. Jones (of Booker T & the M.G.'s), Gillian Welch, the Del McCoury Band and John Moreland. In addition to the main stage at the Fayetteville Town Center, the festival extended to the Fayetteville Public Library and Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art and the Brightwater Culinary School in Bentonville. Food had always been a major component of the festival, but the Hembrees said this year it reached equal footing with the addition of a special Saturday Roots, Food & Spirit event with dozens of guest chefs from around the region and country. Among both free and ticketed events, organizers estimated 7,500 people attended the five-day festival this year. Tickets now regularly sell out before the music lineup is announced (early-bird tickets for the fest, scheduled for Aug. 22-25, 2019, went on sale Dec. 5).

Community buy-in came early on in the festival's run, Gawthrop said. "We started doing things and people jumped on board, like, 'How can we help? I wanna volunteer.' " This year, upward of 100 sponsors supported the fest and some 200 volunteers helped out.

The festival now has a year-round headquarters and an administrative assistant, but Gawthrop and the Hembrees continue to run it amid all their other commitments: In addition to two restaurants, Gawthrop and his wife have three kids with another one on the way. Bryan does ACT-prep work for the University of Arkansas and Bernice works in music education; they also stay busy recording and touring as Smokey & The Mirror and are part of a collaborative album project with Danish folk-rockers The Sentimentals. So, how do they swing it all? "The three of us have a really good working relationship," Bryan Hembree said. "Like now, it's hot and heavy on my shoulders for the booking. Other times Jerrmy is busy with procurement of food and chefs. Or Bernice is working on the educational outreach. It's a true kind of partnership tag team."

Gawthrop added, "It can be a lot. Being able to ask for help and organizing your people are key. Thankfully, we've got a great community where people really want to help — sponsors, local bars, chefs. They want this thing to be here. They're proud of it. People refer to this as 'our festival.' It's a beautiful thing."

— Lindsey Millar

Visionary Arkansans 2018

#Visionary Arkansans 2018

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