#he's a pathetic wet cat of a human

[wibley-wobley-pixie]

Oh my god cho chiyeol is a Tumblr sexyman

[pink-link-lemonade]

Hey, so how funny would it be if I said I made a human version of one of my characters again?

[clownprince]

The Batman (2022) slapped for multiple reasons but one of the main ones being that Reeves and Pattinson clearly understand that authentic Batman is not a male power fantasy, but actually one of the most pathetic and embarrassing men of all time. In this essay I will

[bear-cubs-art-things]

@plantsaredabest remember that date.... 😍💀

[your-friend-bram]

July 20

Seward, mate, you’re beginning to lose it in that asylum of yours. You need to get out, get some air, see your friends. And stop entertaining the ideas of a madman— be it theoretical or otherwise. You’re flirting with even the idea of pushing the ethical boundaries of your conducted research is starting to scare me.

-Bram

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

hm. hey. there's been multiple instances where ailette and tesilid have been out and away from civilisation for the whole day, if not days, and yet there's never been any mention of tesilid having stubble.

now obviously this is because this is a rofan and our male leads aren't allowed to be anything other than conventionally attractive 🙄 but for a moment let's do the more ridiculous thing and assume that it's because tesilid genuinely doesn't have any stubble for ailette to comment on.

before we start delving into the possible implications of this, let's systematically go through all the instances tesilid should have stubble, but doesn't. (or at least the instances i recall, anyway)

(contains spoilers for season 3 of the manhwa onwards)

1. Start of the 17th

Tesilid is unconscious for a couple of days. This can easily be explained away as Ailette having helped him shave while he's unconscious. Kind of a weird thing to do for a guy you've only met twice, while he's unconscious, but these two have always been kind of weirdly familiar with each other so whatever.

2. Bandit Village arc (?)

They apparently hadn't been able to bath for a while before this. Or maybe it was before they went to the town where they reunited with Hestio and Ephael. i can't remember. But it's a little weird if they're not able to wipe themselves down, but somehow have water to shave Tesilid's face. you do need water to shave right? or maybe you don't and Tesilid gets nicks and small cuts all over his face and Ailette heals him immediately?? lmao

2. Post-Saintess reveal

This can be easily explained away as Ailette having stashed away a razor in the bathroom of the cottage. She'd planned to use that house as a getaway post-Divine Advent, after all - she had a teleportation stone linked to it for a reason. Might as well provide whatever Tesilid needs to be comfy while she's unconscious.

3. Post-Magic Republic Dungeon

Tesilid hides Ailette away in a dungeon where time passes faster than in the human world. But when they emerge, everyone thinks they've been gone for only half a day. Now that's a little weird 🤨 Ailette only wakes up in the Vatican, so it's not like she could have helped him clean up, either.

4. Post-Mirror Dungeon

Ailette is unconscious for a couple of days again, and she even feels bad for Tesilid because it means he hadn't been able to eat the whole time; he doesn't have access to her inventory. Again, no mention of him looking terribly haggard because of stubble on his face. You would think that this is the first thing you notice on a person which makes them look scruffy and tired.

So here's the explanations i came up with:

Tesilid's face doesn't have pores 🤨

The Strict Order doesn't let Tesilid have access to most shit, but there's a handy razor that he carries around all the time because god forbid god's favourite creation grow stubble. Growing stubble goes against the religion's teachings or something, i don't know

Through his regressions, Tesilid has somehow acquired a passive ability that sort of freezes his body in time. Or maybe an ultra specific skill that stops the growth of stubble

His stubble isn't as visible because his hair is white or something.

My estimate of how often men need to shave their face is terribly off. maybe some men's beards just grows at a really slow rate. i wouldn't know

🤔🤔

thanks for listening to my tedtalk

[dnangelic]

i feel like dark has the tendency to disappoint one mun's expectations after another bc yeah he looks the way he does but then he's like. he's easy to rile up but it's difficult to actually get him to fight (because of daisuke) and he's never killed anyone + he's chaotic good and not human and his entire basis of theft operates on that so his morality turns blue and orange to some people + he's a flirt but as soon as anybody actually starts showing signs of interest in him all of his internal sirens and warning bells start going off so he starts to avoid them and push them away + a very real part of his true, legitimate personality is tsundere and awkward as hell + he's cringe + despite it all, the power of love is very real to him

[nullians]

Midnight is so cute and cool but also. He is the most pathetic guy you know

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

the idea of c!dream using actual mind control is way less funny than him just having a hyperfixation on psychological torture and conditioning (as in, how brainwashing and “mind control” works irl) btw. can we all agree that’s what he meant by mind control it’s way funnier. c!dream ““breaking people down physically and psychologically to become my besties tools in my plan that isn’t about not being lonely anymore 100% is my greatest passion in life”” was taken,

[welcometoteyvat]

reading kaveh’s story leaks and What

[chaoticfvckingdisaster]

No normal way to say you want someone to scroll through the pinterest boards you put your blood sweat and tears into making for your own characters. Like I need you to understand my love for this little guy. What do you mean a picture of a tree doesn't convey his thoughts and ambitions. It does to me

[eyesthecolorofarson]

dead serious where Danny is fucking pathetic. Phantoms a great superhero! He’s competent, kind, charismatic, so funny, and got his species human rights!

Danny?

Absolute wet rag of a man.

He can’t cook, he can’t sleep, he’s gifted which means he gets good grades but doesn’t know how to study so big shit he needs to study for he fails, he fails at every social interaction he takes part of, he can’t dress, he can’t fucking sleep, he’s sad and pathetic and useless.

And Damian fucking loves it.

He’s so much like his mother it hurts. They both love pathetic, wet cats of men. He can be smart enough for the both of them. And egotistical. And good looking. And a cook. He can be everything, he’s happy as long as Danny exists by his side.

Tim: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?

Damien: He makes me laugh

Danny: works hard and gets good results as Phantom

Damien: 🙄🥱

Danny: sets his kitchen on fire trying to microwave takeout and takes so much melatonin he accidentally overdoses and needs to be rushed to the hospital but when he wakes up he accidentally falls out of bed, rips his IV out, and bleeds on the floor for ten minutes before thinking to call someone

Damian: I need to fuck him RIGHT NOW

[gracerings]

armand perhaps the funniest “villain” of all time. like what if you’re a super-powerful immortal predator and your husband once picked up a twink in a gay bar and he said he was fascinating while you were BORING, all while he tried to get the attention of your shared ex that neither of you have gotten over and that you have written a special little fanfiction about, and then 50 years later that twink is the most annoying old man you’ve ever met and he doesn’t know how to shut up and he’s on a crusade to ruin your marriage and he SUCCEEDS. and what if you’re now divorced and you’ve been canceled on twitter and your ex’s ex who is also your ex is going on tour with a plank of wood but still effortlessly outcunts you and he’s a better pathetic wet cat than you. and what if your husband runs to his dirty hovel not even two seconds after serving you divorce papers and you’re left with a warning to play nice with the annoying ass human that orchestrated your divorce. and what if he’s now a vampire because you made him one because you’ve never learned a single coping mechanism in your life. what if he’s now hunting you. what if perhaps you want him to. what if you’re a super-powerful immortal predator and your husband once picked up a twink in a gay bar and it ended up RUINING YOUR LIFE

[ghostscrown]

Dead Boy Detectives characters are such icons fr. We got :

Ghost boy who thinks he's good at hiding his gayness but everyone in town spots him immediately, who's unintentionally rizzing up every single man he meets (EXCEPT his crush) because his charisma is so far in the negative it has the opposite effect, who ran away from literal hell because a spider demon made of dolls is after him, who genuinely thinks hysteria is a very real serious medical thing, and who becomes friends with the fujoshi who introduced him to yaoi

Ghost boy number two with eyeliner and severely repressed anger issues, who beats villains with a cricket bat despite owning a sword, who's completely CLUELESS about his best friend of 3 decades having a crush on him despite literally everyone else knowing the second they meet them, who's running away from the afterlife just because he doesn't want his friend to go to hell, who owns a magic hammerspace bag, and who's in a situationship with a medium

Local fujoshi whose hair became naturally bleached after she was infected by some psychedelic dandelion sprites she's now keeping as pets in a jar in her room, who avoids her problems by running away to another country and watching Scooby-Doo as she ignores her mom's letters, and who organizes dates for her landlord (gone wrong)

Medium girl who can read in your mind but whose memory was stolen by a demon named David who also happens to be her toxic ex, who's haunted by said toxic ex, who was apparently a total bully before she lost memory, who has a black women exclusive meeting happening somewhere in her subconscious, who's full last name is "Palace Surname-Von Hoverkraft" and who violently scares homophobes with the help of her two ghost friends, one of which she's in a situationship with

Blonde witch who bargained immortality to a goddess but forgot to mention she wanted eternal youth too, who kidnaps little girls at night to feed the giant snake she keeps in her basement, who has a personnal beef with some kids, who brutal pipe murders people, and whose ultimate goal is to become the goddess of one town

Goth lesbian butcher landlord constantly covered in blood, who's also a true crime fan, whose crush was actually a stalker and tried to kill her at the first date, and who accepts to rent rooms to suspicious kids talking to themselves and probably in a runaway no questions asked

Crow familiar of the witch, astrology fan who was made human in the sole purpose of seducing the gay ghost to trick him, but it didn't work and he was the one falling in love and being pathetically rejected instead

Catman who wears skirts and eats people, who curses the repressed gay ghost to either sleep with him or count every cat in town like he's a whimsy fantasy creature, in the sole purpose of exposing his gayness, but who becomes more and more of a pathetic wet cat as the ghost keeps rejecting him again and again

Dude who's not a dude but actually a cursed walrus, who was changed into a human and is now owning a magic shop and desperate to traumadump every single person in his field of view

Transdimensional being who uses the power of triggerring PTSD to chase troubled teens in a runaway and take them back to hell, got eaten by a fish and can fit her whole body in a mail package

[ladyantiheroine]

While I’m still thinking about Renfield, I love how the movie never attempts to make him into a *~cool macho badass~*

Like yes, he spends a good chunk of the movie doing badass fight scenes and karate-chopping bad guys, but even then he still feels like the timid dork he is the rest of the time.

The way he awkwardly smiles and waves at Rebecca while slamming that guy to the ground at the apartment complex? Poetic cinema. The way his fight scenes (while entertaining to watch) only happen because of his abusive servitude to Dracula? Meanwhile, him taking on brighter colors and more "feminine" hobbies like baking and home decorating is not framed as emasculating and instead a sign that he's becoming a happier, healthier person? *chef's kiss*

I’m tired of male characters being one-dimensional power fantasies. We need more leading men who are pathetic wet cats in human form even when they’re kicking ass.

[cyberrose2001]

Alright I'm gonna do it

Might I request a TFP Optimus x fem human Reader? It can be soft/loving, rough/intense, kinky or vanilla, or some combination of those - whatever you prefer and are comfortable with!

I just like that sweet handsome mech to be subby and vocal :P

TFP Optimus x Fem!Human! Reader

Is it 2am? Yes

Am I gonna pass out after posting this? Hell yea

I hope you enjoy some subby Optimus!!

Warnings: dom/sub, prem-ejaculation, mentions of masturbation

Word count: 1,233

Soft fairy lights illuminate the cold room, which you convinced Optimus to put up for you since sharing a berthroom, flickering like candlelight across two bodies. It would be a reasonably innocent scene if not for the wet sounds of tongue meeting glossa. Not uncommon for you and Optimus, but the mech expressed an unconventional desire of his. And it was anything besides innocent.

He thought about it constantly, like something in his circuits had been re-wired into becoming entirely devoted to being dominated by a human, by you. The thought excites him so much that he's self-serviced to it multiple times before ever bringing it up with you. And he's ashamed to admit that he was embarrassingly quick with it, hoping you wouldn't find it pathetic for a bot of his nature.

But thank Primus, you were willing.

Optimus lets out a breathy moan into your mouth, his servos pawing desperately at your hips as you hover over him. Much like a cat to a soft pillow, the mech finds comfort and sensuality in how your skin gives in under his touch. It excites him like no other Cybertronian has and has remained that way since first laying a digit on you.

His breath hitches as he feels your soft lips trail down his chin, light flicks of your tongue leaving a wet trail towards his neck cabling. It's like you're tasting him as if you cannot get enough of him, and the mere thought of that causes him to tilt his helm to the side and let out a deep groan. It's what he craves to feel; it's what he desperately needs.

As you're licking and sucking at the sensitive machinery, Optimus' grip tightens on your hips. His spike is painfully erect, gorged, and angry as he urges you to sit on him. He feels your smile against his neck, causing his spike to jump in anticipation.

"Oh, honey," You tease, your voice deep and husky as you bring a hand to grip his chin, forcing him to look at you, "You're this desperate already?"

Optimus feels like he's stopped breathing, your bright, glowing eyes instantly capturing his attention. The mech considered himself an artist of patience, as patient as the persistence of a star's glow. But when the artist's object of his desires is right on top of him, stark naked and bathed in the light of his blue aura, his patience wears thin like an empty paint tube. He wants you; he needs you to squeeze him for all he's worth.

"Please," Optimus shakily whimpers, pushing you down onto his aching spike, "I need this, I need you... badly."

His gentle yet needy tone sends a shiver down your spine, adding to the thrill of having Optimus right where you wanted him. Though a rare sight indeed, watching Optimus unravel beneath you as you slowly grind his spike through your slick folds evokes a hunger for dominance.

"Oh yeah?" You gasp as the ridges run along your clit, and your hands find the rim of his windshield, "Do you want me to fuck you?"

Optimus' engines roar at your words, his frame heating up like a boiler. His intake agape as you grind on him a bit harder, precum already dripping onto his abdominal plating, "Yes, Primus, yes."

A breathless giggle escapes from your lips, "Oh, big boy," leaning to whisper against his dermas, "You're so sweet, but you know better."

Optimus whines, "Please," half-babbling, half-focused entirely on how close his spike is to slipping inside you. He's come to know and crave that warm, slick part of you. He could map out every inch of your insides and would still want to get lost in it, "Fuck me..."

You bite your lip softly at his pleading swear. Hearing him use human profanity is different, but it sends another shiver through you. You allow yourself one last drag of your hips before going in for the kill, "That's a good mech..."

Eyes focused on his optics, you sink onto his thick spike, inching slowly until your ass meets his thighs. Optimus lets out a sharp gasp, and you watch as his face contorts into one of pure, unfiltered ecstasy. His digits dig into your thighs, his desire to be entirely under your beck and will for your pleasure evident in his actions. His frame remains stagnant, waiting for you to use him as you please.

You allow yourself a moment to adjust, closing your eyes as you indulge in the full feeling of him seated inside you. The way his cock throbs flush against your walls in yearning, how you can feel your tummy bulging slightly. It's always an adjustment with Optimus' spike; even as he's mass displaced, it pricks tears in your eyes. But you're a highly trained size queen. And Optimus is your jester for tonight, fulfilling his desire to be under your control.

Picking your hips up, you come down on him hard, moaning a chorus as you set a brutal pace for yourself. With each grind of your hips, you see stars. And you know Optimus is experiencing a similar high because each moan he tries to make gets stolen each time you slam down on him, his voice coming out in sharp grunts.

"There you go..." You moan, tightening your grip on his windshield as you bounce persistently. Your thighs start to burn, and you start to get winded, "Just let- just let me take care of you, baby."

Optimus nods languidly, wholly engulfed in you. Every time his hips connect to yours, he lets out a sharp gasp and hisses as you unsheath yourself far too soon. He dares to look down where you connect, nearly overloading at the sight. His daring human, unmercifully taking her pleasure from his spike, engulfing him over and over again, using him like a toy. He lazily rakes his optics back up your overworking body, gazing at the way your flesh jiggles, how your breasts have a mind of their own, and how good it would feel to have them in his face for the rest of eternity.

And with a million and one different pictures of you in his mind and how you've clenched around him so tightly, Optimus grips your hips painfully hard and presses his spike deep. A long, quivering groan leaves his dermas as he overloads prematurely, his spike throbbing and flooding your insides, pouring every single fantasy in his love-sick mind into you.

"Optimus!" You choke on his name, not expecting the gush of transfluids so early, but your body embraces it, and you come hard onto his spike with him, grinding your hips to lengthen both your orgasms, "Fuck~."

Optimus keels forward, moving his arms to your waist, and tightly pulls you flush against him, letting your pussy milk him dry. He buries his helm into your neck, mumbling and blabbering lewd nonsense into your sticky skin. After hearing a soft apology, you decide to reciprocate, whispering his praises the way he likes it. He hangs onto you desperately as he comes down from his overload, his frame jolting in the aftershocks.

"Did such a good job," You mutter, kissing the side of his helm. You caress his chassis soothingly, letting him melt into your embrace, "What a good boy."

He might be a lot deeper in it than he thought.