#he'd be throwing the worlds biggest bitch fit

[how-masterful]

Let's be real if the Master was there during the Toymakers musical number he wouldn't be encouraging it he'd be screaming and crying like Barbie when Ken made the mojo dojo casa house

[anonymouslosersworld]

I want to forget

Chapter 3

Previously on chapter 2

" Did you bring the food or did you forget the wallet again?"

You finally made it to the front to see a short figure in front of you in a black hoodie.

" I swear to god, I better have that white girl final girl type of invulnerability o-or energy, or else I'm gonna throw the biggest bitch fit the world has ever seen."

The sound of your voice made the figure turn.

"Keisuke?"

That was your last words before Kazutora boinked your ass with a wrench.

Guess I didn't

"y/n!"

"y/n!"

I wonder if they'll be happy while I'm gone? Rin...Ran?

{Chapter One} {Chapter Two} [Rules/Guidelines] {Masterlist 1} {Masterlist 2}

Coma's were torture, everything was hazy, fuzzy, and dream-like. Your brain drilling into your head trying to form a coherent thought to puzzle together what happened to you.

it was so hot,

you couldn't breathe

Your brain flashing memory of someone's fingers holding your face before it disappeared.

you couldn't move or open your eyes

But somehow you could hear things around you but not understand them.

Some voices were so smooth and deep, they lored you to a peaceful tropical place.

Other's were not, they were hazy and vile and they'd take you to the very depths of hell. Making you wish you weren't bored.

You could feel the affectionate touches of many who came to visit you but you couldn't move your freaking hand.

You were trapped in your body.

Day in and day out, your mind drove you crazy. Taking you to peaceful places full of warmth and love only to drag you to where evil makes itself home.

Time went on and your mind eased itself up, and you began to understand the words that your mind couldn't comprehend.

You could finally tell the difference from touch and knew who came to visit.

Emma would come often with Mikey and Draken to change your flowers and talk to you about anything.

You felt so angry with yourself when Emma would cry on your lap and hold your hand as she begged for you to come back to them when she'd come alone. Emma would brush your hair, clean your nails, and would change up the nail polish every once in a while making sure you look presentable when you would wake up.

"because you will wake up right? You won't leave us."

Emma would cry almost every visit with you. The house felt empty without her older sister to keep her company. She missed you so much.

Shinichiro was and is an emotional wreck. When he came back to the shop with your food only to find an ambulance wheeling you into it and a police cruiser with Kazutora in the back in cuffs. Keisuke being walked to the back of the cruiser as well, Shin was beside himself.

"What did you do?!"

"Shinichiro. I w-we, I'm so sorry!" Keisuke's eyes watered as he looked at Shinichiro. " sorry, we didn't mean for it to happen!"

Shinichio's eyes widen as he saw the EMT's wheeling you into the ambulance after struggling with a wheel.

there was so much blood.

"y/n! y/n! let go of me that's my sister!"

Shinichiro will never forget the day he had sat in that ambulance holding your hand weeping as they raced to save your life.

From that day on Shinichiro blames only himself and lives with extreme guilt. Maybe if he were there, you wouldn't be in this comatose state. He was supposed to be your big older brother, the one that saves you from harm and has to beat the boys off from you so you'll stay single forever with him. (he personally wouldn't, he'd probably get Bankei or Wakasa to do it.)

yet here you were paying the price for nothing.

All for a stupid motorcycle!

Mikey would come to visit you every day almost more than Emma, Shinichiro, and all your friends combined. He wouldn't say anything, he'd just sit there in silence with you. He'd kiss your forehead every time he saw you and when it was time to leave. He'd whisper that he loves you and he missed you, (he can't say it out loud Ken-chin is listening...probably). He's very protective over you/your room. Absolutely no one is allowed in that isn't family.

Guard duty

Mikey, Wakasa, Benkei, Takeomi, and Draken.

Takemichi only found out about you in one of his many visits to the hospital.

"This is y/n?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Mikey!" Takemichi jumped at how aggressive Mikey's voice was.

"Stay away from this room Takemichi if you know what's good for you." It was a threat that Takemitchi would never test in his life. The look on Mikey's face was the same one he used to almost kill someone.

"i-"

" Don't stick your nose where you shouldn't. This is your only warning."

"o-okay."

But Ran and Rindou never visiting.

Why do I keep thinking about them?

They're probably jumping for joy a mistake like me like this.

Ran found out about your "death" when he and Rindou were in jail. A friend of a friend of a friend passing along information that a Sano had died.

"Your sister is dead."

Ran's face drained from color as he processed the information. He shook his head.

"No."

"No, dude she's dead. She- "

"She can't be."

" she is!"

Ran's hands bunched up at his visitor's collar and picked him up almost choking him.

"She isn't dead," Ran's eyes filled with fury from this man's stubbornness

"sh-she is!" The man struggled to breathe

Ran almost killed another man at the crisp age of 17. Ran couldn't process your death at all, his eyes were hazed and were often clouded with a lost look.

His only sister died.

His baby sister,

The one he cast away, the one he failed to protect because of something out of your control.

why couldn't he let go of it?

why?

Regret bubbled within him when he was finally alone in his cell. He was finally accepting it,

"I'm so sorry y/n." Ran cried as quietly as he could "I'm sorry I couldn't be the brother you deserved." His hand covering his eyes as he trembled slightly from the crying.

"God fucking dammit why did it have to be you?"

Rindou's hand clutched the only thing he had of you that he had stolen from the property room. He had overheard Ran talking with his visitor before Ran almost killed him. The sadness and regret seeping into him as he looked at the item in his hand.

"I'm sorry."

Ran and Rindou gets a tattoo for you in your memory.

Izana heard of your passing, well what he thought was your passing. He heard about it from your actual brothers.

That's when he connects all the dots.

Izana isn't exactly stable, so yeah.

Izana is in denial for about 3 months before he accepts it. Once he accepts it Baji and Kazutora better watch tf out because as soon as he gets out he's going to kill them.

The only thing he does to alleviate some of his pain is beating the ever-living shit out of inmates left and right.

The guards can't and won't stop him at all.

It took you six months to get out of a coma, scaring the crap out of the nurse on duty who was cleaning your body.

"Holy fuck, buy me dinner first!"

You went through so many tests in those two weeks. The doctors had to check if you need breathing assistance, intravenous medications and other supportive care. They mostly had to check if your brain wasn't swelled or anything harmful.

Ran? Rindou? why couldn't you be there for me just this once Tagging;

@emperorwriter, @cherry-pink-writings, @manjimeowmeow, @lynihana, @mellowmuffinturtlescissors, @cupidlovez @taigalily13 @kpop-4-ever

[aggravatetheaxe]

FINDERS KEEPERS - Chapter 1: In the Woods Somewhere

Murderer. Monster. Serial killer. Abuser. Freak. These are words you would be well within your rights to use when describing Bo Sinclair. But when a trip to dispose of a body doesn't end up quite as planned and a nameless waif enters the picture, he might have to add one more label to the list: protector. How long can Bo justify the presence of a child who so critically throws off the tenuous balance of life in Ambrose? How long can he stand it?

CW for this chapter: murder and disposing of bodies, lost children, children in peril, traumatized and/or abused children (non-graphic), brief descriptions of injury and infected injuries, lice infestation

This title is SAFE FOR WORK.

Soundtrack: In the Woods Somewhere, Ambience

Words: 2,967

Masterlist

***

The woods were still. Serene. The rumbling of the old Chevy over gravel was the only man-made noise in a symphony of frogs and cicadas. And it set Bo Sinclair on edge, made him clench the filter of his cigarette harder between his teeth.

On edge. Yeah, he was on edge, but when wasn't he? His whole damn life was a balancing act. Wrong against right, truths against lies, nice against real ... life against death. At least he knew to mind the drop.

But he couldn't deny it got tiring every once in a while.

The last batch had been rough. A couple bikers and their girlfriends. Big guys. If he hadn't liked the look of one of the girls so much, he'd have just let them move on, but ... well. Times he couldn't deny his weakness.

Now, big guys weren't immune to being tricked, and when you brought 'em down, they fell farther and harder than the smaller ones. But one of the girls had accidentally cracked open a sculpture early on, and they'd figured out the game too soon.

It had been a hell of a job to hunt 'em all before they could leave town. The girl Bo had wanted in the first place had managed to make it up the road quite a ways before he'd run her down. Too bad she hadn't survived. All that trouble and for what? A little blood and hair on his truck's grille.

Wasn't much left of her and her friends. She, the other girl, and one of the guys were salvageable—Vincent would work his magic—but the biggest guy ... all the wax in the world wouldn't fix a close-range shotgun to the brain, and the thought of having incomplete trophies on display irked Bo.

So, the woods it was.

The Chevy's engine cut, leaving only the deafening forest stillness. Bo took a final puff on his cig before chucking it out the window and sliding from the truck. The stench of Lester's roadkill pit was overpowering downwind, so he'd come from the north side instead. Still stunk like shit, though. As he rounded the pickup, he fought the urge to pull the collar of his shirt over his nose.

The biker's body was wrapped in tarp in the truck bed, covered with loose plywood and tools. It'd taken both him and Vincent to haul this guy up into the back, but grabbing the dead weight by the ankles and sliding it to the ground was a one-man job.

Thud.

Bo looked at the tarp-covered mass a moment, then reached for a shovel. Time to get to work.

He lit up another cigarette, gnawing the filter as he began to dig. It wasn't enough to just throw the bastard in the pile—it'd be way too visible, and his DNA was all over the body, for Christ's sake. But burying it near the roadkill, now, that would ensure no bloodhound would ever sniff it out. Again and again, he plunged his shovel into the soil, until his huffs and grunts nearly drowned out the crickets.

The hole was small, just enough to fit the guy vertically. Bo's biceps burned slightly as he lifted himself out of the grave and grabbed the body. Another grunt, a hard tug, and it slid easily out of the tarp, crumpling into the hole like garbage.

Bo spat, flicked the cigarette on top of the grave, and took to shoveling again. Shoulda killed me first, you sorry son of a bitch.

That was the thing, wasn't it? If you weren't living on edge, you were taking up too much space.

By the time he was finished, the sun was most of the way down the sky, and sweat and dirt covered him like a second skin. He tossed the tarp and the shovel in the bed of the truck again and lit up a third cigarette.

This one—thank Christ—he could actually stop and savor. He took a long draw, filling his lungs and holding ... then exhaling all the tension from his body. His sore muscles prickled and burned as they relaxed. A light breeze kissed the itchy sweat on his brow, and he raised a hand to wipe at it.

Another long day fuckin' over. He couldn't wait to take a scalding shower and a nap. Maybe he'd celebrate another brush with death by cracking open some of Daddy's whiskey, or maybe Momma's ruby port. Vincent would like that.

The direction of the wind shifted, and Bo grimaced as he got a whiff of roadkill. It was about time he got a move on and headed back home. Couldn't linger here for long or someone might come along, and he'd have a lot of explaining to do, standing next to freshly turned soil.

As he put his final cigarette out, he scanned the treeline. One last sweep of his territory.

His gaze caught on something. He did a double take.

At first, it didn't seem real. Was it the slant of the light, a trick of the eye? But no, there was a figure shuffling through the woods toward him. Small, off-kilter.

What in the fuck?

As it crept between the trees, out into the open, Bo had a hard time making sense of what it was. It was skinny and covered head to toe in grime, hair matted like an animal's. Its eyes were big and glassy in its tiny head, staring at him as it made its unsteady, plodding way closer.

The hair at the nape of his neck stood up. It looked like a monster ... a demon. It took a few seconds for Bo to realize the reality was worse.

A child.

Didn't seem quite right to call what he was looking at a kid, but it was definitely a child. Bo's chest grew ice cold, limbs stiff, as the creature continued to toddle toward him.

What in the fuck?

The creature wasn't stopping its advance, each step slow but deliberate. Bo could sense there wasn't much fight left in it. Uncertain what else he could do, he hitched his Dickies up at the thigh and crouched.

"Uh ... hey, kid. What're you doin' out here?"

The creature didn't respond. It simply walked into him, giving him no choice but to open his arms and let it sink into him.

A tangle formed in Bo's chest, emotions wrestling: disgust, confusion, concern, fear. Each battled for dominance, and as the seconds crawled by, each won out only to be replaced with a new champion a beat later.

The child had buried its face into the crook of his neck, making no noise, completely unmoving. It simply clung to him, squeezing tight and grasping his shirt with hands that could more appropriately be called claws.

At length, Bo pulled his head back stiffly, forcing the little thing to look at him. He couldn't make out much beneath the dirt other than it was a kid and it was human. "Hey. Where are your mommy and daddy, huh? Where're your parents?"

When it didn't respond, Bo craned his neck, searching to his right and left and peering into the treeline like he might spot them running after their kid any second. But the woods were still.

A shiver licked his back. Suddenly, he was very aware that it was about to turn dusk. The horrible sense that something was watching him from the woods, judging him, made him want to hop in his truck and speed back to Ambrose.

"What's your name, honey?"

It was no fuckin' use. The miserable thing wasn't going to answer. It simply squeezed tighter until not only its arms but its legs, too, were clenched around Bo's middle.

Come on, you li'l brat. Irritation came out on top briefly, and he forcibly distanced the child from himself, giving it a proper once-over. He had to hold it firmly in place to keep it from walking back into his arms as he patted it down, checking for injuries. Couple cuts, lot of bruises ... its feet were busted to shit, and its ribs were sticking out like a junkyard dog's.

More to himself, he mumbled, "What in the gaddamn happened ta you?"

Finally, a little noise. Just a tiny one. The small mouth parted, making an o shape, and pushed out a sharp breath of air: "Pchhhew."

The noise reminded him of the quiet sighs and chuffs Vincent sometimes made. Not a brat ... mute. Either because something had happened or just 'cause. Lucky him. Bo stared into those big eyes, contemplating his next move.

Well, shit ... he may be a monster, but he couldn't leave it out here to die. Not a human kid. Anyway, there had to be someone looking for it.

He pursed his lips, then spoke, forcing the child to look at him. "Come on now, let's find your momma and daddy."

A leery look entered the pitiful creature's eyes for just a moment, though it didn't pull away.

Bo sighed. Nothin's ever simple. "You want a pop?"

That won it over. It clutched itself close again, and Bo put a hand under its bottom, hoisting it as he stood. He struggled to open the truck with the child clinging to him, and struggled even more to disentangle it from him.

"Sit down now. There ya go." He slid in after, watching the child from the corner of his eye as he backed out and headed down the road to Ambrose. It sat with its knees pulled to its chest, nibbling at the dirt beneath its fingernails.

Death out, life in—if you could call the thing sitting in the passenger side life. Vincent and Lester were in for quite the surprise.

***

Ambrose was quiet and dark by the time Bo pulled up to the garage. He slid out of the truck and headed to the old soda machine, kicking it until it submitted and dispensed a Sprite. Stupid piece of shit.

As he grabbed it, he glanced over his shoulder, eyeing the top of the small head through his passenger side window. The child simply sat, straining to watch him.

Hell of a week this was turning out to be.

He returned to the truck, cracking the pop can open as he scooted back into place. "Here ya go."

The child clutched the can with both hands and threw its head back, chugging the Sprite with unabashed greed.

Bo couldn't help but laugh uncertainly. It was a pretty funny sight, this little creature scrambling to drink as fast as it could, but more than a little concerning. "Take it easy, kid. Gonna give yourself the hiccups or somethin'."

The child either didn't hear him or didn't want to listen, and he was too tired to argue with the damn thing. With a huff, he pulled up to the house. No lights on. Vincent would be hard at work in his warrens below, creating the newest additions to the town.

Bo didn't say much as he cut the engine and went to open the passenger side door. The child clung to him again, holding the now-empty Sprite can in one hand, then clenched so tight it hurt when he slammed the door.

"Ow, fuck, ease up," he mumbled, loosening the uncut claws digging into his arm on his way up the front steps. He never bothered to keep the house locked—he simply stepped in and bumped the door closed behind them.

As soon as he was able to get free of the child, it was sitting on the couch. Bo stood over it, staring down.

What now?

He couldn't call the sheriff. Even if he wanted cops around here, he wasn't in any state to see them, covered in dirt and blood and blowflies. He couldn't drive around asking the "neighbors" for similar reasons. His stomach turned as he went down his ever-shrinking list of options.

Finally, he pulled a chair up in front of the couch, straddling it backwards as he and the child stared each other down. "What's your name, huh?" The edge of fear in his own voice surprised him as much as it frustrated him.

The child didn't respond, simply sucked on the rim of the Sprite can, running the aluminum against the ridges of its teeth.

Bo studied the grime-caked little face. For starters, he guessed he could run a bath. He didn't pretend to be the pinnacle of hygiene, but he'd been raised to always clean behind his ears. Plus, if the kid was gonna stay, it couldn't stay like this, getting shit all over everything.

And deep down, seeing it like this was ... frankly disturbing. He'd killed dozens of people, perverted humanity in ways that would've made the Devil himself shudder, but even he couldn't deny there was something so acutely unnatural about seeing a baby in this state.

"Let's wash up. I'll getchu somethin' to eat after, how's that sound?" He stood and shoved the chair aside, and the child readily climbed back into his arms, no questions asked.

Weird feeling.

He trudged up the stairs. Fuck, his knees weren't what they used to be, but at least his extra load was light. Too light. The child buried its face in his neck again as he pulled the hall light on and entered the bathroom.

It was a sorry old excuse for a bathroom: claw-foot tub with a rusty shower head, pull chain toilet, stupid seafoam paint and tile Momma had always been crazy about. It'd done for the last few decades, though, and it'd do now, too. Bo stood the kid next to the tub and turned the tap, holding his hand under to gauge the temperature. Chances were his charge didn't like it as hot as he did.

He popped the plug into the drain, then looked over at the child. It was basically naked already, wearing one hell of a leaky diaper and the remnants of a T-shirt. Bo swallowed. Fuckin' pitiful. Lord.

"Come on, let's get you outta those." The shirt went first, then the diaper. The kid's skin was so red and swollen from diaper rash that Bo's whole body cringed. "Jesus Christ." She—a girl—must have been out there for days and days.

Tears rolled down the child's cheeks now, leaving little streaks in the dirt, and she whimpered softly. The rash must hurt like a bitch.

"Don't you cry now." Bo shifted awkwardly, rubbing a thumb against her cheek. Damn, she was running a fever, too. He turned the cold tap on the tub up higher. No wonder she'd fallen into the arms of the first adult she'd come across.

Once the tub was full enough, he offered his hands. She stepped closer, and he lifted her by the armpits, lowering her into the lukewarm water.

"You wanna give that to me?" He gestured to the Sprite can still clutched in her hands.

She burped quietly and held it closer.

"A'right." Kids were fuckin' weird.

Bo knelt beside the tub, taking a washcloth and scrubbing his bar of soap against it. She'd come out smelling like him, but there were worse things she could smell like, that was for damn sure.

He hesitated before beginning to lather her up, chest and shoulders first. His parents had always scrubbed him and Vincent down pretty rough, but even he could see this required a gentler touch. It wasn't long till the soap cut through all the dirt, revealing sallow skin.

By the time her body was completely clean, he'd gone through three washcloths and half a bar of soap. The bath water was opaque brown. They were both utterly silent as he drained it, then refilled it again to start in on her hair.

It didn't take him long to realize shampoo and a brush weren't going to cut it. She was crawling with lice, and a cut on her scalp had become home to a handful of maggots. Bo picked them out with tweezers and washed the cut, but the hair would have to go.

Poor kid. Ah, well.

Bo made her hair a ponytail in one hand and snipped it off with scissors, then discarded the matted locks.

"Now stay still," he murmured, draining the tub again and plugging in his electric clippers. "It makes a loud noise, but it's gonna make it so your hair ain't sick no more, m'kay?"

She remained mute, sucking her Sprite can.

Thankfully, she sat good for the clippers. He let the clumps of hair fall into the tub, shaving as close as he could until she was completely bald. "No more bugs," he said, pasting on a smile as he gave her shaven head one last pass with soap and water. "Don't that feel better?"

"Pchhheww."

"Right." With a sigh, he unplugged the clippers, then hoisted her out of the tub.

She stood by and watched, wrapped in a towel much too big for her, as he cleaned the tub and put things away. When he was done, he stopped and considered her. She had—or had had, a few minutes ago—brown hair, eyes of the same color. She had to be ... three, maybe a small four? Her face carried the unmistakable hallmarks of fetal alcohol syndrome.

Some drunk's kid, maybe. One more try. "Where're your momma and daddy? Hm? Where you live?"

She said nothing. Of course.

Bo pushed out a sigh. He couldn't have cops poking around here and asking questions. Looked like he'd have to either cut her loose or take care of her till he could find the people she belonged to. Hopefully that was sooner than later. Last thing this town needed was a fuckin' kid running around.

"Okay," he mumbled to himself, picking her up again. "Water. Food. Medicine. In that order."

Looked like his long fucking day wasn't over yet.

***

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Tip Jar

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true