#he’s the most amazing perfect beautiful wonderful person alive

[everything-is-spaghetti]

Hhnnggggggg-

My partner splashed me with cold water during sex and we pretended it was holy water and he got off to me writhing and hissing as he purified me and oh my god oh my GOD OH MY GOD-

[kingofbodyrolls]

BTS fic recs: August 2023

I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹

❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗ 

If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂

BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | 💜 | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |

Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, personal favorites = 💯. 

Namjoon

⭐All Aboard! (the passion express)💯 by @ve1vetyoongi // knj x f.reader // office worker!namjoon // 🥵

📝 There were not many things that got your blood boiling in the same way that two simple words could. Kim Namjoon. The name of your irritating and (unfortunately enough, as the universe would have it) incredibly handsome co-worker. Which is exactly why you never expected to find your self on your knees for him on the train home.

🗨️ Holy fuck, fuck, fuck this was so incredibly filthy (in the best way possible) 🥵 the tension between reader and Namjoon was perfect, the build up was so satisfying 🌟 what’s not to like ✨😍

⭐The Wedding Arrangement💯 by @sugaurora // knj x f.reader // ‘enemies’ to friends to lovers, wedding!au // 🥵🥰🌩️

📝 Unfortunately, he’s just gotten engaged to someone who isn’t you. Even more unfortunately, he expects you to help plan the wedding alongside Kim Namjoon, his other best friend and, based on your first meeting, just another judgmental jerk. Putting aside your distaste for the sake of your friend’s happiness, you both set about giving Seokjin the wedding of his dreams. Following a rough and satisfying affair at the caterer’s, you strike an unusual deal: you and Namjoon will be enemies with benefits until the wedding is over. And after six months of wedding planning, you both just might learn that weddings aren’t usually the end, but a brand new beginning.

🗨️ This was so amazing 🥹 the characters had so much depth and ugh! It was just so, so good. It was a pleasure reading their love unfolding 🥰 aish, I’m soft! It’s filled will plenty soft, slight heartbreaking angst at times, but oh so fluffy and smutty too! It was perfect 👌🏾 💯 please don’t sleep on this one, okay? 🥹

Seokjin

⭐Knocked by @sailoryooons // ksj x f.reader // roommates to lovers // 🥵😂

📝 Living with people is difficult, but all things considered, your new roommate isn’t terrible. He cooks, he cleans, and if you had to be honest - incredibly attractive. But his habit of streaming until the early hours of the morning while yelling and making other questionable noises has pushed you to the limit. You’ve finally decided to risk your sanity and put it all on the line with a reckless bet in hopes of getting some peace and quiet at night.

Yoongi

⭐DreamCatcher by @jimlingss // myg x f.reader // s2l // 🥰🌩️

📝 When your dreams are more or less nightmares, monsters inside your head that eat you alive, it seems like the only person who can help you is Min Yoongi, professional dream chaser. 

🗨️ Aw, this was heart wrenching and beautiful 🥺 all those nightmares, readers mom.. Ugh 🥺 and then they can enter each other’s dreams 😭 they have a special connection! I was not prepared for Yoongi's nightmare at the end 😭😭 and the reader just gave up. Aish, it was really, really good 🌟

⭐Oh, darling! [completed series] 💯 by @yoongiofmine // myg x f.reader // university!au, non idol au, professor!yoongi, student!reader // 🥰🌩️🥵

📝 Starting your second semester at one of South Korea’s most prestigious universities should be stressful enough. Between juggling classes, good grades and a social life, your plate was full. Hoping to spice up your academic career, you thought it was a good idea to enroll as an assistant for your literature professor, whom you’ve held a very secret and very forbidden crush on for the past several months. What will happen now that you’re forced to work closely together? And what if your crush isn’t as one sided as you thought? 

🗨️ Holy fucking shit 🥵🫣😳 I am speechless. My soul have left my body 🥵 it’s so good! ‘Kay bye 🫣

⭐Sinful Lust [ongoing series] 💯 by @oddinary4bts // myg x jjk x f.reader // established relationship, bisexual boyfriend!Yoongi, slice of life // 🥵🌩️

📝In an attempt to spice up your bedroom life with your boyfriend Min Yoongi, you suggest bringing another man into the action. Yoongi seems reluctant at first, but when you mention his friend Jeon Jungkook, he can’t deny his attraction. All that’s left to do is to convince Jungkook into participating…

🗨️  Holy 😱 😱 😱 this is just completely unadulterated sin 🥵🫣 like, I went to hell and I didn’t come back! On another note, I found their chemistry really interesting - but damn I felt sorta sorry for Jungkook at the end. ugh the feels, my heart is torn!

Hoseok

⭐Watch Yourself by @boymeetsweevil // jhs x f.reader // non idol au, pwp // 🥵

📝 It starts with an invitation from your ex. It ends with Hoseok’s hands down your pants in said ex’s kitchen.

🗨️ Oh this was hot alright 🥵

Jimin

⭐You DTF? by @sailoryooons // pjm x f.reader // strangers to one-night stand, pwp // 🥵😂

📝 You’ve never had a one night stand. Jimin has had countless. You’re trying to experience new things. Jimin loves doing the same old shit. So when you meet the man going around the club inviting people to touch his ripped abs, you think perhaps this is the perfect opportunity to try new things. It’s Labor Day weekend at the shore - what can go wrong? 

🗨️ This is absolutely dirty in the best way possible 😝 fuckboy jimin is no joke 🥵🫣 the dialogues are funny, hilarious and a good throwback to the 2000s 😂 it’s really good 👌🏾 ♥

⭐In the Dark 💯 by @jksangelic // pjm x jjk x f.reader // f2l, threesome, pwp // 🥵😂

📝 “I can’t get a signal on my phone, the car is dead, and I’m fairly certain we are out of matches.” Jungkook and Jimin have a very short attention span, and when you three are lost in the middle of nowhere with a truck that won’t drive, they busy themselves with you.

🗨️  I was in the mood for a comfort fic (= one that I’d read before), with a threesome that was smutty as hell, and this is just that 🥵♥️ I just adore this so much, one of my all-time favorites 🌟

⭐Roomie 💯 by @jessikahathaway // pjm x f.reader // slice of life!au, roommates!au // 🥵😂

📝 After a disappointing slew of failed sexual escapades, you find yourself willing to do some crazy things. Falling for your roommate not included.

🗨️ Omg, this was fucking hot 🥵 💯

⭐Ribbons 💯 by @jamaisjoons // pjm x jjk x f.reader // threesome, established relationship, pwp // 🥵😂🥰

📝 Your boyfriend, jimin, arranges the best birthday present you could have ever asked for.

🗨️ Fuck, just what the fuck 🥵 I’m speechless. This was so incredibly sinful, like 😳🥵 I’m blushing 🫣💯

⭐Sunday Morning by @bangtsblossom // pjm x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰

📝 The morning after he proposes to you.

🗨️ This was just so sweet and loving 💖

⭐Picking Petals by @cutechim // pjm x f.reader // idol!jimin, married couple!au, pwp // 🥵🥰

📝  You asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. 

🗨️ Omg this was so fucking hot and good! ♥ 💯

Taehyung

⭐Farmer boy, I Love You by @strawberrynamjoon // kth x f.reader // farming!au, lowkey e2l // 🥵😂

📝 Needing change in your life you decided it would be a brilliant idea to move to your uncle’s small farm, helping him and your cousin Jimin with the daily work. What you didn’t plan was to fall in love with your beautiful yet very annoying neighbour Taehyung, who seemed to make it his personal mission to tease you every chance he got. And what you expected even less was that he seemed to like you too.

🗨️ This was just utterly sweet, so fluffy 🥺 I really liked this: the way that reader and Taehyung’s friendship deepens, their friends and their banter 🥺 everything was so good, soft, sad sometimes, and just really great and funny too 🤭

Jungkook

⭐Snow and Ice: pt1, pt2 [completed series] by @hayjeon // jjk x f.reader // friendswithbenefits!au, Snowboarder!JK and figure skater!reader // 🥵🌩️🥰😂

🗨️ Omg this is so good 😍 I love the dynamic between all the characters, their banter 👌🏾 and the relationship between reader and Jungkook is just outstanding 🌟 also, this couple is just GOLD 🥇 

⭐Pen pals by @gukyi // jjk x f.reader // f2l // 🥵😂🥰

📝 To put it simply, pretending to be jungkook’s pen pal when you were both eight just so he wouldn’t be disappointed was a bad idea, because now he’s in love with them. or, well, you, he just doesn’t know it. 

🗨️ Dammmmmmn that is a long time to keep up a lie 😂 reader has real dedication! It’s really good 👌🏾 it was interesting to see how the lie just keeps growing, and how that affected both the reader and Jungkook. The overall story is just really cute and fluffy 🥰

⭐Fact over Fancy by @dovechim // jjk x f.reader // ‘friends’ to lovers, dystopian!au // 🥵🌩️

📝 In this world, there are two types of people: those born with emotions, and those born without. Society is thriving in its emotionless state, productivity levels are at an all time high. Marriage serves only one function: to father the next generation. Those with emotions are considered to be defective, aberrations who can never be matched. What happens when there’s a glitch in the so-called perfect system and a defective and a “normal” person are matched?

🗨️ The dystopian theme in this was really interesting, and the build up tension between Jungkook and reader - and then the reveal! 🤡 The smut is really good and the ending scene had me going 😂 😂

⭐Date in a Box by @jimlingss // jjk x f.reader // s2l // 🥰😂

📝 If you’re in a hurry then we’re here to help you! Everything you need in a box. Delivery less than five minutes. Upgrade and we can personalize your date even more! Guaranteed 100%! Don’t fret, we’re here.

🗨️ This was just straight up hilarious!  😂 So funny and the fluff is cute  😍

⭐Two point five (part three) 💯by @bratkook // jjk x f.reader // handyman!jungkook, pwp // 🥵🥰

📝 Jungkook finally fixes your pipes, sure he gets distracted while doing it, but what else could you expect when you’re sitting on top of him looking like that.

🗨️ I just had to reread the first two parts, before reading this new one 🥹😍 I can’t get enough of this lovely couple! This addition was perfect. Jungkook is just so damn whipped 🥰💯

Thank you so much for going through my recommendations! I hope you find something that you like and show it some love. I’m still going through my reading list from as far back as 2017, so don’t be surprised if I recommend something ‘old’ 😁 

Also, I might not be able to read (and recommend much) in September and October because I’m moving. My husband and I bought our first house, so the next months I’ll be packing and moving 🎉

Borahae 💜

[quinnfebrey]

pls give me your review of Next to Normal London youre the only one i trust

do i want to talk too much about next to normal? yes, i do. 

some disclaimers: first, i am extremely specific about my opinions on next to normal, so if you're thinking "that's a dumb thing to say!" well sorry but remember ive been marinating in this show for over a decade. also, this is just going to be a review of the principle cast! i did see a cover run but i wont talk about them here (feel free to ask about them though if you like)

alright, without further ado here are my thoughts on each actor + the staging/general thoughts:

diana (caissie levy):

i thought she did a great job overall, but i didn’t love some of the vocal changes she made to the songs. she has a beautiful voice, but her version of i miss the mountains was a little too “i’m performing!” for me. missed the needed rawness of alice here

i did really like her change of softening “can” in “i love you as much as i can” though

her acting was phenomenal, the moment with gabe's baby clothes was heartbreaking. she also had AMAZING chemistry with natalie, and i think her version of so anyway is my favorite that i've ever seen

i’m interested to see how she develops further into diana because i think there’s room for more understanding in the more nuanced parts of her character. she improved a lot as the show went on which tells me she struggles with the humor and manic side to diana that is more prevalent in act 1

dan (jamie parker):

i think his singing voice is perfect for dan, but his speaking voice was so strange to me. i don’t know if it was him trying to act around the accent or his true interpretation of the character, but a lot of his dialogue didn’t work for me the way his songs did. like i would be absolutely in love with a number and then he'd speak and i'd be thrown out of it i don't know

his acting was great though, i really enjoy this goofier version of dan than the original version. he's more playful and i really like that it humanizes him more and also helps bridge the dan that fell in love with diana and the dan of today

he's also i think the first dan i've seen play the role with so much anxiety? like clinical anxiety, he's basically having a panic attack at the end of i'm alive reprise/during the break. i really really liked the nuance that it brings to dan

gabe (jack wolfe):

his voice is great for the role, and the way he looks too just fits with the character idk really good casting here

he was definitely less creepy than i felt the original version wanted him to be, i haven’t decided if i like that or not. i think it added more to gabe’s development as a character, but i think took a little away from the fact that gabe is not actually a real person

he seems like less of a comfort object for diana in this version as well, which again i don't mind but changed the dynamic. this gabe felt more attached to the whole family

REALLY good solo in light, heartbreaking sweetness in i dreamed a dance

natalie (eleanor worthington-cox):

i absolutely LOVED her. she was by far the standout for me in this cast. her acting was perfect, she clearly understands natalie incredibly well, and her voice is wonderful too. very good understanding of the purpose of the songs.

she made a couple dynamic changes during catch me im falling that i thought were strange, but i could also see that coming from her trying not to copy the original

i think her natalie is the most scared that i've seen it played, which worked well with this interpretation of dan. it all built up really well to her breakdown in hey#3

i also felt a stronger connection between dan and natalie in this version more than i have with any other, so light hit a lot harder

henry (jack ofrecio):

i feel bad about this one but honestly i really did not connect with his interpretation of henry. that’s the nicest way i can say it

he seems like such a sweet guy and his voice is absolutely gorgeous, but... that's kind of where my likes end

he didn’t seem to understand any of the jokes he was telling because he couldn’t make any of them land (and he’s a very comedic character so what happened bro 😭)

he was too “nice guy." henry is written in a way that can come off really insensitive and whiny and it takes the actor bringing it to life to get away from that. he just didn't seem to add another side to it

for example, when he says “then i’m sure they will be” during catch me i’m falling i wanted a little more… i don’t know, hesitation or disbelief in himself? and when he says “why do i get denied” i was just like my god bro she’s dealing with real shit, get over it. acb’s delivery of that line comes across way more as like. im hurting because i don’t know how to help you, please let me help you. this guy was just a whiny boyfriend.

again, great voice, but everything besides his singing either just felt very flat or was aggravatingly annoying to me.

madden/fine (trevor dion nicholas):

honestly i don’t usually have strong opinions on this guy. his voice was great, he did a solid rockstar.

his biggest part for me is at the end when he’s trying to convince diana to stay in treatment. it’s the first time you see his douche doctor mask fall and you realize he genuinely believes his way is correct and doesn’t understand why it isn’t working. i think he did it really well, i’ve never seen a madden/fine do it with so much anger but it actually worked for me 

staging:

honestly i applaud them for being brave enough to change this much. having a real set already helps me separate this revival from the original run

i think the lack of true set in the original adds to the tone of the show, though, so this production did feel very different and more concrete which made some of the weirder blocking not work as well (like during my psychopharmacologist and i). instead of feeling more abstract and conceptual it was like oh They're In A House

but i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, i just think it makes it a slightly different show and a person's preference will probably just be which one they saw first. i'm sure people who see the london version for the first time will see the original and wonder where tf everything is lol

i also seriously missed dan wiping up during i’ve been (i know he still does it but the double bucket is SUCH an effective stage trick)

and i missed gabe's general parkour, again him really just owning the stage like that helps him feel like not a real person

my one criticism of the staging is that in my opinion it felt cluttered and busy at times

general pros:

the kids felt younger, particularly gabe (even tho the actor is older than aaron and kyle were?? he just looks like he’s 14 i guess), which i think changed the tone a little for the better. makes them more sympathetic

the band ROCKED. slight mixing differences but not unwelcome 

i loooooved this version of maybe. literally every second of it was perfect. 

general cons: 

i don’t know if british people are just irritating or something but the jokes were not hitting unless it slapped them in the face. they also seemed to miss a lot of references like the one to macgyver, one flew over the cuckoo’s nest, sound of music, but they laughed at the portland joke EVERY TIME? lmao idk

why the balloons lol cut that pls

i’m probably missing soooo much so pls send specific asks about anything in the show (with or without my opinion attached lol) and i’ll do my best!

[hwnglx]

could u pls do how beomgyu acts when he’s around his crush ?? <33

how would beomgyu act around his crush?

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

pagow, 7osw&knosw&6ow, ju, 2ow, 5oc, 10oc, 3osw

+ having his ☼ in pisces and ☾ in scorpio, beomgyu is a deeply emotional and sensitive person in general.

however, once he's in 🥰 mode, he can get surprisingly assertive and fiery. his aries venus and sagittarius mars, gives him this active and direct approach when it comes to romance.

having a crush, is something that enables a lot of passion and excitement within beomgyu. it makes him feel alive. his heart beats strongly, his adrenaline shoots up, he gets very enthusiastic and passionate. there is this almost childlike exhilaration he will feel. he's definitely the type to get all thrilled over a single text message from his crush.

he'll be incredibly curious about his crush. once he develops interest in a person, he wants to know everything about them. he wants to know what his crush likes, what they dislike, what they enjoy doing, what they don't enjoy doing. beomgyu won't do this in a particurlary creepy manner, but his crush will just be so interesting to him. he'll wonder a lot like.. "wow what could this stunning person be like?" he'd ask them to tell him about themselves if they ever went on a date and pay a lot of attention to his crushes words. he'd also be very interested in learning about the person's views on deeper things, and love to have a lot of meaningful conversations about topics that go beyond the standard small talk.

beomgyu will do a lot of thinking and pondering over how to proceed, on his own. he isn't really the type to let everyone know he has a crush on someone, and is a person who prefers keeping this matter more private.. however, he'll be pretty direct and straightforward in his pursuit.

he showcases his interest in someone in a confident manner, and won't be afraid to make his liking obvious to his crush. quite the opposite, he really wants to act on his feelings. definitely the type to just come up to a person he finds interesting and flirt with them directly. compliment them bluntly, like telling them they're probably the most beautiful person he's ever come across, he couldn't resist talking to them. he can be very straightfoward and smooth, great at flattering. to the extent where it could surprise some people, since he usually doesn't seem like an extremely blunt guy. but in romance, he's all in.

he will be incredibly attentive. i can see him being amazing at keeping intimate eye contact and closely listening to every word his crush says, just letting them speak and rarely interrupting them. beomgyu will be excellent at making his crush feel thoroughly listened to, cared about and special. he's the type to make his crush feel better about themselves so naturally, whether that's through compliments or just the raw attention he gives them. he really wants to make sure his crush exactly knows how crazily attracted he feels towards them, and is very eager to make them fall for him as well. having his crush like him back, will be one of the best feelings in the world for beomgyu, and boost his ego a lot.

- i can sense that there seems to be a bit of an inner conflict he can deal with, because of this obvious clash between him as a person, and him as a lover. beomgyu does have high standards, not only towards his partners but also himself. it's easy for him to feel regret over some impulsive things he said or did in the heat of the moment, look back on his conversation with his crush and think "i shouldn't have said that" or "did i overwhelm them?" "did i ruin my image?" "do they think i'm too much?" he puts a lot of importance into his crushes opinion of him, and can be afraid to make himself a fool by being too excited or direct sometimes. he wants to appear like the perfect man to his crush, someone they could never say no to.. so, he'll put a lot of effort into making the best impression on them, however deep inside he can struggle with a lot of doubts and worries.

beomgyu doesn't like seeming like a very sensitive or overly emotional person in general, since that's a part of him he hesitates to showcase openly. he doesn't like making himself very vulnerable. so, especially towards a person he's interested in, and wants to appeal to, it's easy for him to hide behind a more confident and strong facade. he feels like his "softer" side is one that is much more complex, and difficult to like.

[soulacheron]

✧ For @tobytheeggo for Orin's and Santino's wedding!

✧ I wish you all the best! I hope you'll be happy together and take care of each other until the end. I'll be here whenever you'll need me.

✧ Here is my gift for you, I hope you'll like it! ^ ^

❀ Colorful Flowers ❀

“Do you think the roses would look pretty in the garden?”

Acheron looked over at Santino, watching the garden that was once colorful with different flowers, but after everything that had happened, the colors faded away. The sunset made them look colorful only for some time, but it wasn't real.

“I think so, yes. You used to have roses, if I remember correctly?” Santino told him about how he used to help his mother with the roses, and how beautiful they were. From darker red ones to lighter ones.

“Yes,” Santino sighed, “I think I want to have them again. I fired all gardeners… maybe I should bring them back.” It was an act out of anger that he fired them, once the flowers withered, he lost hope the garden would ever look the same.

“Of course,” Acheron agreed. “Until then, I can help if you want to.” He smiled, knowing he has the power to help him.

“Right, you can do anything. I almost forgot,” Santino said. Sometimes, Acheron would act more like a real person than the demon he was. A friend Santino could trust with his life. “I'd like to see what you can do.”

“Alright, how about we start tomorrow? It'll be a nicer day,” Acheron offered, patting Santino’s shoulder.

“Sure, tomorrow it is.”

Santino wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting, he knew what Acheron was capable of but he kept surprising him with new things. He was looking forward to tomorrow. Perhaps it was time for a change.

The following morning, Santino had a meeting in two hours and he had to get there early, he didn't even check where Acheron was, he was just getting ready and tried to finish his first coffee of the day. He wanted to get some fresh air before going to the meeting, and the garden was the best place for that, but this time, he paused and wondered if he was still dreaming.

“Good morning, Master. I managed to make the garden feel more alive.” Acheron was standing in front of a new bush of red roses and next to them and all over the garden were flowers Santino thought he would never see again.

“What…” Santino murmured, looking around in disbelief, but there was something else he was feeling. Happiness, it felt a bit weird after so long, but it was a warm feeling he wanted to embrace. “This is amazing… this… it looks just like it used to.”

Acheron chuckled, fixing his own tie. Seeing his master happy was the best thing he could wish for. “I'm very glad you like it, I tried my best.”

The roses were the ones that caught Santino's attention the most. He walked closer to the bush, gently touching the petals, admiring them. “Fascinating, they look exactly like the previous ones.”

“I made sure they did.”

Finally, the garden looked colorful and happier, like it used to and it looked. Acheron walked through the garden with Santino, listening as his master talked about the good sides of his childhood and how he used to spend a lot of time here.

“Thank you, Acheron. It would've taken much longer to grow everything again and they probably wouldn't look like this. This is perfect.” Santino couldn't stop looking at every flower he noticed.

“I hope you'll spend more time here. I think it could help you relax from work,” Acheron said, “Also, it's a new beginning. Who knows what the future will bring us.”

“You're right. It's a new start,” Santino smiled, “You always amaze me with your abilities.”

Acheron chuckled softly, “And I'll continue to do so, Master.” He bowed his head in respect, admiring his master as they continued to talk and walk… until Santino remembered he had a meeting.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Grant knew Remus was never meant to be his. Grant wasn't the kind of person who had cute romances from books. He was only meant to pine for boys who treated him like shit and meant for having meaningless sex, being the spare for others. He didn't complain, better act like he didn't care at all.

Grant wasn't meant for someone like Remus. Remus, who was supposed to live the epic romance, Remus who deserved the happy ever after with a wonderful person by his side.

But Grant couldn't avoid falling in love with him.

It was Remus' fault, really. Grant was fine shagging stupid boys and don't even remembering their names. Grant was fine being mistreated by Jeremy and having the illusion that one day he was going to want him for real. It was easy having an unreachable love. Never quite daring to do anything. Because Grant didn't deserve any of it.

But then Remus came into his life. Grant worried about the crying depressive mess that Remus was. He drank every night, smoked like a chimney and began shagging boys that were very similar to Sirius. Grant had never seen someone suffer like that over a broken heart. He hated Sirius for what he had done to Remus. It scared Grant how much Remus had loved Sirius. They had what Grant would never have.

So Grant was support when Remus needed it the most.

As time passed and Remus got better, Grant found in Remus the biggest confident he had. Remus became his best friend. They shared a flat, they shared expenses, they shared a life. Everything was easy with Remus. Grant could tell him anything. Sure, they were friends as teens but not quite like this. Even Jeremy was jealous.

Grant loved Remus but he knew there was absolutely nothing going to happen between them. Remus was silver, no one would ever replace his gold (Sirius) and Grant was trash. That was the way things were.

But then Remus cared. He was the only one that took care of Grant's health and Grant's heart. Grant couldn't avoid feeling something.

"Can I ask you something, Grant?" Remus asked.

"Tell me, sweetheart"

"Why do you let Jeremy treat you like that?"

"Let's not start, love..." Grant hated talking about the matters of the heart, specially about himself. And shit he couldn't find his lighter.

"You deserve better!" Remus interrupted "You deserve someone who truly loves you. Not someone that fucks you when he is horny... Jeremy is disgusting..."

"Remus..."

"You are the most beautiful and amazing person I know... Please, stop doing this to yourself..."

Remus and his stupid way of caring. Shit. It made Grant feel things he wasn't supposed to feel.

"Stop saying that!" Grant yelled irritated "I'm nothing... And not everyone is like your precious prince charming"

"Bullshit!" Remus spat angrily "Sirius..." he took a deep breath as if his name hurt him "He never treated me like that..."

But he hurt you, Grant wanted to say. Sirius wasn't Grant's favorite person.

Remus continued.

"You are the best friend I have and I would do anything to make you see how much you deserve... Love, affection.... Even more... You are perfect for God's sake"

Grant's fag fell to the floor as he opened his mouth. Grant was very good at making stupid decisions so he did one now. He grabbed Remus by his neck and kissed him. It was a surprise that seconds later Remus kissed him back.

They had kissed before as friends who wanted to pass time and get off while Remus waited for Sirius to feel the same. Grant had felt affection towards Remus before.

Now he felt passion. With every kiss he wanted to make Remus more and more his. At least for the moment. It wasn't long until they both took off their clothes. Grant had been through Remus' transition. And Remus had been adorable then. But this time he was the hottest man alive. Grant wasn't sure what to expect but his desire for Remus was stronger than anything else. And Remus wanted him back... Not sure why exactly.... But Remus wanted him back.

Grant let himself be drown by desire and pleasure.

"Who would've known, sweetheart?" Grant whistled after the moment of passion passed "You are really good at this"

Remus laughed loudly and Grant followed him shortly.

Nothing had changed. They were the bestest of friends again. But with kisses and sex. Grant continued seeing other boys and Jeremy because he didn't know what else to do. Remus never said he wanted a relationship. Not that Grant wanted that (deserved that). It would be weird.

Grant was never meant to be anybody's boyfriend. And that was a fact.

It was purely coincidence what happened next. One of Grant's lovers called him and said he was HIV positive and Grant's world crumbled down.

Remus was safe but Grant was positive too. He wasn't dying according to the doctor. He just had to take medicine everyday and be careful not to pass it to someone else. Grant stopped seeing Jeremy and other boys for that matter.

Remus helped Grant accept his illness and live with it. Remus helped Grant find joy again. Remus helped Grant enjoy sex again.

Time passed again and they became this monogamous couple. Almost. They lived together, they kissed, touched like couples would do. Grant used pet names with Remus. Remus just called him Grant. All of their circles thought they were boyfriends. But none of them admitted it. They never had a talk that confirmed it. They didn't celebrate anniversaries. They didn't do what couples did.

For a second, Grant thought Remus could be his first boyfriend. But then, Remus got really upset when he saw Sirius with his new girlfriend in a photo. He puked as if he was literally sick.

"I am sorry... I don't know why I did that..."

"It's OK, love. It is normal"

Grant and Remus were friends and they loved each other. But Remus' heart would only belong to Sirius.

That's why when Remus received an invitation from James and Lily to spend a week in Cornwall, Grant knew his time with Remus was up. The minute Remus would see Sirius, he would go back into his arms. There was spark there. There was an undying love there.

"I don't think I should go..."

"Darling..." Grant smiled, as he helped putting clothes inside Remus' case "You die to go... I know you miss all of them"

Remus shrugged.

"You follow their socials like they are some kind of celebrities.... And you always ask Lily how they are"

Remus didn't belong to Grant. He belonged to them. That group he so much adored.

"Is it because Sirius would be there?" Grant tried as he saw Remus' expression. And of course, that name always caused some sort of reaction on Remus.

"Of course not! It is not that..." It was obviously that "It is just that I haven't seen most of them in a long time... And I don't know... Perhaps it would be awkward"

"They are your friends, sweetheart"

"They are Sirius' friends..." Remus sighed "Why don't you come with me? Lily said it was fine"

Because Grant knew that he had to let this happen. He had to let Remus and Sirius have their connection again. He would ruin that by being there. Besides, it might be painful to watch.

"I told you I have work..." Grant grinned "I have that queer fair with the kids... Told you about it"

Remus took a deep breath.

"I can stay and help with that"

Grant smiled.

"The kids love me"

Who wouldn't love him?

"Go to bloody Cornwall and have bloody fun with your friends.... Even with Sirius"

"Grant..."

"I didn't say that kind of fun" Grant giggled.

Remus looked into his eyes for a second and then gave up. He sighed.

"Fine..." he leaned to give him a kiss "I love you"

It wasn't the kind of "I love you" you tell your romantic partner, the love of your life. It was always with that certain tone. With friendly intention. Grant knew Remus loved him. He had no doubt. But he wasn't in love with him. He would always be in love with Sirius. Grant just hoped Sirius felt the same.

"Love you too, sweetheart"

"I am gonna miss you"

Grant had to admit he had let himself be loved and be taken care of. He had lived wonderful years with Remus. The beautiful fantasy of true love. But it was over. Remus had to realize he belonged somewhere else, he belonged with someone else.

"I am gonna miss you too sweetheart... So much..."

Goodbye Remus. Grant thought with a smile.

They shared another kiss.

[angelicsjn]

oh dang, i just found your blog today and i really like the concept of jae. before (if you do) take him out, can you please head canon on how we met him/how he got obsessed? also love the whole concept of your blog

Hi! I'm so sorry for my lack of being alive. I'm here, ready to write and bang these requests out. Thank you for all the requests, love, and support.

Thank you very much!!

JAE 'NIKO' LEE

Due to Jae's fame and job, he doesn't meet many people outside of his lifestyle. So when he meets you it's a big deal.

He automatically likes the fact you both live different lives and would actually prefer it if he were the one who'd provide. It gives him more control.

He has good eyes, and he knows how and who to pick. He picked you.

Jae 'bumped' into you, masked and clothed in all black to avoid being recognised and when he realises you didn't recognise him — even after hearing his voice and seeing his eyes, he falls instantly.

He likes the fact that he's a mystery to you. You don't know him, his life, anything at all. He's a random person on the streets.

He quickly turns into the stranger at your doorstep, getting familiar with your house, how you live, the windows you keep open to the fact you leave the back door unlocked because you lock the gate.

(he climbs over the gate, that won't stop him.)

He memorises your daily routine, who your friends are, and who he will get rid of. He makes note of even the smallest of things to what's your comfort food and what perfume you use the most.

He will even steal your perfume and replace it with a new one. He could have kept the new one, but it wasn't yours. Didn't hold your fingerprints and memories.

You had forgotten about the stranger you bumped into, but the stranger now knew everything about you.

Over the time of working as an idol, he paid close attention to the IT workers, especially the ones that would hack into things, usually to upvotes during comebacks and yearly awards.

He used those skills to hack into your things, keep a close eye on you when he's busy. Into the cameras outside your home to edit himself out after each visit but to see who you take home. Your phone to see who you're messaging and what photos he could keep.

All in all, he's your classic stalker.

Since he knows your life inside out, he knows it's about time you met him.

He did this smoothly, naturally, and you never suspected a thing.

You work two jobs, you had a late night shift, and they're the worst. You go home around 4AM, and by 1, you're bored out of your mind.

That's when a handsome stranger walked through, most of his face covered with a cap, which he pulled off, ruffling his dark hair as he ordered a drink.

You were honestly captivated. He's so beautiful.

Things went well. You have so much in common!

You made the joke of, 'Are you sure you aren't a stalker?' Whe. You express how alike you are, he jokes back: 'maybe I am. I stalk you everywhere. I'm just that obsessed' and it becomes a joke.

You think he's so funny and silly, little do you know he's quite literally telling you the truth.

He asks for your number before the night ends, and of course, you say yes.

After that, a wonderful bond is created.

You speak all the time. He doesn't tell you his job. He did say he works in entertainment, not that he's an idol. He wants to keep that side of him away from you.

He's so supportive and so so sweet you have moments where you think, 'do I deserve this? He's so perfect.'

He's the type to send you a sweet paragraph after a bad day, to reassure you, to send small things to your house 'just because it reminded me of you'

He's honestly the most perfect man you could ask for.

He's so romantic and asks you to be his officially on a cute date, something he knew you'd like. How could you say no? He's amazing.

"I know that people have hurt you before. I understand. I know it'll take time for you to show your full self to me. I know we will have bad days and arguments and moments where we wish we never met. But I will love all those moments because I love you. I know it's fast to say that, but I do. I love you. Everything about you. You're the light in the dark that I've been looking for all my life, and I won't let that go.

You're mine, forever and always."

[revserrayyu]

2.3 Penacony thoughts [part 4]

***SPOILER WARNING*** for the ending of the 2.3 story update for everything after the Charmony Festival. This should be the last part of the story so if you haven’t finished it for yourself yet, please do return once you have.

Despite the dreammaster “forcing” Acheron out of Penacony, I was still patiently for her to show up at some point during the festival. While she didn’t make a guest appearance upon the grand ship in the sky, she did manage to get a whole scene to herself, but unfortunately, it starts right at the gravesite and I already know I’m in for an emotional ride..

I’m so happy that out of all the experiences and people she may have forgotten about, that Acheron remembers Tiernan so clearly and delivered flowers like he originally wanted: 

“What I do know is that one day, I too will pass away, and when I bid farewell to this world… Someone will stand at my grave and place a bouquet of flowers on it.” 

Also, we might not presently know who voices Tiernan, but props to them because they were a joy to listen to in the previous few patches.

I’m glad someone is smiling because I sure as fudge ain’t.

We haven’t even met these trailblazers personally and most likely never will, but to still get emotional for them despite that is truly an amazing feeling, even if it’s a highly upsetting one. You can really feel the respect the crew has for all three of them.

It’s hard for me to grasp that Gallagher “died” as well, considering he wasn’t truly alive? I don’t know what to feel for him, honestly. I kinda enjoyed that twist at the end of 2.1 where we were lead to think he was a villain, but then 2.2 happened and tossed that idea aside. I’m at least glad March and I shared the same wondering mind about what he meant by saying he was only 13. I know people have theorized it to mean he’s “death” as that number of a tarot card, but a confirmation would’ve been nice.

It was at this moment where I started to realize that each one of our faithful cremates were taking turns saying goodbye to everyone, so leaving Himeko last to speak with Mikhail was perfect.

Our lovely navigator begins with “This entire adventure started because of you, and should naturally end with you.”  Oof, talk about going full circle. That’s beautiful.

I can’t really put into words what about this moment with March made me feel. I’m certain it was also due to whatever sad, slow music was playing in the background at this point of the story too, but even I started feeling this sort of strange regret. Their lives had to be so similar as they trailblazed through space, experiencing all kinds of people, places and feelings, and you would hope and pray their lives had a good ending, but you could never be sure, so this lingering sort of emptiness fills up inside you as your words of wonder and thanks fall of deaf ears.

Man.. no matter how often I hear it, but knowing that our lives are indeed short lived compared to all the time in the world will never be easy for me to accept. I can’t even begin to tell you how frequently people tell me I’m still young and capable of doing so much with my life but knowing deep down that so much time has already passed and I had missed so many opportunities to enjoy what I have, create everlasting memories and experience a life I’d be proud of living. Even now I’m sitting here wondering if this life has been worth it and if I’ve ever been truly happy with everything that’s going on or simply finding sporadic moments of peace where I’m content enough to embrace that one feeling and ignore everything else to fool myself in thinking I’m fine with it all. Sorry, I’m delving far too deep into my own mind with this.

Seriously, we need some good jokes right about now. Get to work, Dan Heng! Why March decided to ask him instead of grandpa Welt I’ll never understand, but his dry humor is certainly great.

All those trailers, cutscenes and memorable moments.. and we’re still learning more about this woman. I truly love how deep her character is. They did a lovely job with her.

I swear if we don’t meet Acheron again at all during the rest of our journey on this sparkling silver star rail I will be heartbroken. She’s too good to simply forget!

You know a conversation is serious when we’re the ones speaking in red text! 

I’m personally lying here, by the way. I’ve never played Impact or Genshin long enough to encounter any of the other Raiden Mei lookalikes, but who cares! She shall never know! (nor will she even remember *sob*)

I believe that deja vu is such a wild feeling, to experience a scenario that seems so familiar to a moment in your past is crazy. I dunno how it is for everyone, but whenever I feel it, I always wonder if what I’m feeling in this moment is a sort of warning from my past telling me that there’s something strange or memorable about the present moment in time. I dunno how to explain it, but if our mind has to remind us that a specific moment like this has happened already, then surely it would have to be for a good reason or important in some way, right? It’s interesting to think about anyways.

Okay now, this scene.. this gorgeous image that I had to no doubt choose for the cover photo is fantastic. She’s beautiful and that gentle smile on her face makes you feel so safe and thankful that you embarked on this journey. At least, that’s what I’m personally feeling. That sense of deja vu is also coming back to me here, but I believe it’s solely because of certain words she’s speaking and Allegra’s tone of voice with them that make this all feel so familiar to me.

She continues on to say “All those things, beautiful before, are still so now. And I believe… It will still bloom at the end of Nihility, until we meet again beneath the sun’s rays,” and y’all I wanna cry with how beautiful this entire moment is. Look at our girl! Aaaahh.. I seriously don’t wanna say goodbye to her! Everything with the previous trailblazers was upsetting, of course, but saying our farewell to Acheron, someone who has been at our side (sorta kinda) since the beginning of our Penacony journey and stayed close assisting us with all the dangers we faced up until this moment.. oohh my heart hurts. It may be because I experienced these updates as they released, thus spanning over several months of time, so it feels as if Acheron has been in my life longer compared to those I met during both Belobog and Luofu stories as I zoomed through them without pause since I started playing towards the end of 1.4 and therefore didn’t have to wait for updates, but yeah. Wonderful character. Allegra deserves the upmost praise with her performance and I seriously need to pull for her next time.

Ah, you can always count on the Express family to lighten up the mood just a little bit.. just not too much since Pom-Pom is literally sobbing upon learning the status of their dearly departed friends.

Hey, it’s not our fault chaos just so happens to follow us around everywhere like we’re some kind of protagonist in a well written, engaging and exciting story! 

Nothing makes me happier when we’re given the option to can crack a couple jokes during a serious conversation.

Once again, I’m not even gonna question how or why she’s here. At this point, Black Swan seems like the perfect plot convenience that needs no explanation. 

“Charming little dragon” indeed.

Our next stop I assume? And how shall we get there if it’s “hidden away” and “only revealed by the light from the mirror of the Garden of Recollection?” Surely Black Swan would assist us, yes? At least I hope so, if it’ll mean she’s still around for a bit longer. She also mentions it’s a world “fettered by three paths” and I’m curious are to which three she’s referring to.

As per usual with ending scenes, 2.3 gives us one more surprise that also leaves me with many questions because what on earth is happening here and why and how?

Apparently this is a hard place to get into.. and yet here Jade is. She comes on the behalf of Robin’s wishes, which I pretty much assumed it would’ve been saving Sunday’s life, but the one who has to pay the heavy price is not Robin, but Sunday himself? That is if I’m understanding what’s happening here correctly. Instead of ranting about being equal to a god, he has to live as a normal citizen? It seems fine enough to us, but for him it’s probably out of his mind to even consider acting in such a way, even denying her “charity” at first.

As we learned, Jade is a very patient woman so she doesn’t expect an answer right away. She then instead leaves some parting words in the form of a warning “from someone who’s been in your shoes before” and judging by all the chains, I can’t help but think of Aventurine when she gives the following advice:

And with that.. 2.3 is finished. I know there’s a handful of side quests to do now and perhaps they might fill in some random questions I have about this entire story, but presently, I’ll say Penacony was at least a very enjoyable yet wild ride. There were many times were I was so lost in what was happening and I feel like there were too many characters, motives and ideals to keep track of, yet on the flip side there were other characters we didn’t get much information about at all and were just kinda there. Penacony did have a fantastic vibe though from all the great music, challenging bosses, and an endless amount of memorable moments whether they were emotional, jaw dropping or straight up hilarious. Was it truly “heartwarming and wholesome” like they said? Perhaps a little bit, but it was truly an exciting experience and well worth the wait and hype. Is it my favorite story arc so far? Hhmm, debatable. I still have very strong feelings for Belobog.. so that's probably it.

[mooifyourecows]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Sure! (given in no particular order)

1. Daichi from Haikyuu, of course.. I just love everything about him. He's a great captain and he has a big appetite and he's so down to earth and masculine in the best ways, what a man!!! I want a tattoo of him on my body!

2. Pam Poovey from Archer. It's hard to stand out in a show where nearly every character is the single most interesting person in the world but I really do think that Pam takes the cake. She's a real one. She stays true to herself no matter how much everyone else begs her to stop and I RESPECT THAT. Also she's a fat character who isn't limited to being the Fat Character. While her weight does come up, often in insulting jokes or bits, she has so much else to her that it feels like such a small part of her character.

3. Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman. Out of all the insanely good character arcs in Bojack Horseman, Princess Carolyn's is my favorite. Usually the hardworking career woman character who wants a baby winds up the most disappointing character for me because she always gives up her career to be a mom but NOT MY GIRL PRINCESS CAROLYN. She said I want to be a badass boss lady AND a mom and I don't need no man to get what I want! And she did that shit. She deserves it.

4. Linda Belcher from Bob's Burgers. I aspire to be like Linda. She's fun, she's extroverted, she is just so excited to live her modest life with a struggling burger business, a husband she actually enjoys spending time with, and 3 kids she adores with every fiber of her being. She sings and dances at any given opportunity and doesnt let embarrassment faze her. What an icon.

5. Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Every time I think of him I wanna cry. He's just so.... perfect.... and wonderful.... He is the sweetest, bravest man to ever exist and NOBODY CAN ARGUE. The original Ride or Die. We all need a Samwise Gamgee in our lives. 🖤

6. Usopp from One Piece. That's my boy! He's so funny and relatable. I love characters who are brave while being terrified. Despite his wacky goofy personality, he's complex and insecure but he stands by his guns and isn't afraid to challenge even his best friend/captain to defend what he believes and GOSH what a stand up guy ammiright?

7. Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place. I love a disaster of a woman. She's a selfish bisexual with zero shame, what's more to love? I just can't help it. I'm weak for women who are just The Worst ™️.

8. Manny from Swiss Army Man. I mean... He's dead, he teaches us what it means to be alive, and he's played by Daniel Radcliffe. He's basically the perfect character, right? Listen, Swiss Army Man is my all time favorite movie and I want everyone else to like it too. I can't even talk much on it because it's so much better when you watch it yourself. Especially if you love amazing soundtracks, beautiful visuals, and queer revelations.

9. Hal from Malcolm in the Middle. I'm such a sucker for husbands who are obsessed with their wives and men in touch with their emotions and Hal is the epitome of both those things! I watched this show while growing up and I truly think that Bryan Cranston's portrayal of Hal taught me how men are supposed to act, especially in regards to their romantic partners. And now my own partner is basically a less theatrical version of him so it paid off ya know?

10. Judas Iscariot from Jesus Christ Superstar (1973). This is mainly based on performance. Carl Anderson did such an AMAZING job playing Judas that he literally stole the show, imo. Jesus who? You mean Judas's boyfriend? It's not JUST his performance though, the way the character is written is so well done that I feel like Judas is the real main character. Yeah, this is the story about Jesus but he ain't the star, ya dig? He's a basic bitch in comparison to the complexity and emotional turmoil of Judas. Also they're gay and in love, what a tragedy! This is cinema!

[hanako-san]

Hi! Sis!!! It's time for my question! I hope you're ready!

"What do you love the most about Amane?"

Hi! Of course! I'm ready and excited, this is going to be a long answer because if I had to sum up in one word what I love about Amane I would say everything. Amane so perfect, wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous… he's the best in the world!

All this is so general, I will gladly tell you in detail. There may be analytics because I'm an analytical person, but you know that!😁 Let's start!

I think Amane has beautiful name!

"Sound of Rain" that is his name is meaning and .. sky, rain… His name is beautiful and it fits him perfectly and the meaning fits him perfectly. The sound of the rain is beautiful! as Hanako, I believe it's just a nickname he adopted to fill the role. I also like this name because even though it's a girl's name, it doesn't remind me of a little girl in a red dress, but I automatically think of a wonderfully kind boy who took over this name. But in the spin off of Amane, he turned into a female version of "Hanako-san" and he looks so cute! The best Hanako-san in the world in female and male version! I use his real name because I love his name and it suits him. This is his real name which is little used. Amane as Hanako is Amane to me even if his personality as Hanako is a bit different. It's still Amane! I will use Hanako from time to time, can call Amane by his real name and nickname, I prefer his real name. I think Amane as a name is unique and beautiful.

Tsuchigomori was talking about his name.

I'm just inferring that Amane's name was unique even in spelling, so that makes Amane's name even more special! Thank you Tsuchigomori sensei you have confirmed to me that the name Amane is as special as the boy who has this name. I always have a big smile when I read and watch Tsukasa says his big brother's real name. A unique name for a unique boy❤️

Eyes

(I had to limit myself!)

Amane has beautiful eyes that caught my attention the first time watched anime I remember when I said "He has big beautiful eyes" I didn't think at the time that he would capture my heart too, but he did ^^ Such a beautiful little boy. My angel. I love his eyes and think they suit him. Half moon eyes for moon loving boy! When he was alive, his eyes are full of sadness and tears, but beautiful as always! Fantastic!When I color Amane, his eyes are always a challenge for me and I love it! I can look into those beautiful eyes and not get bored.

Amane in shock and surprise

Amane in shock something I love. Love it. He looks so funny and I often wonder if he reacted this way when he was alive. I just love it… his expression, that background… and surpise Amane ahh perfection!!! Everything is perfect when he's shocked and surpised.

Personality as Amane and as Hanako + his actions + his past

Amane as Hanako and as Amane have slightly different personalities. The difference is insignificant, but it is there and both personalities are fascinating to me. As Hanako, he often says "I don't care if anyone dies" or if he's cruel, he says really cruel things that scare me because he's so amazing and I know he doesn't really mean or he'll tell the truth through a lie

He told the truth that Kannagi's soul is appetizing to the supernatural, and at the same time lied that it was too late, thus being "cruel" to me, and that's a fascinating part of his personality. He wanted them to believe it and surrender. I need more side of THAT personality because it makes my fangirl bigger! Much bigger! Wonderful little boy. He often says such cruel things, but his actions show otherwise. He was ready to sacrifice Aoi and seemed to be furious that he had been stopped, but it wasn't, he felt immensely relieved. He had to sacrifice his friend Nene to fulfill the contract he had with Nene. He cared for her and helped her through this last journey, until he was finally able to give her up voluntarily, showing them the way home (Friendly reminder: the red haku joudai disappeared before Yashiro and Nene talk and before apologizing to Yashiro)

Even though he resisted, his real goal was to return Aoi. He knew he was wrong but he did it and Yashiro agreed to a contract that really burdened him and saved them, including Teru who couldn't help them in any way for the wounds suffered by no.6. All this shows that through these "cruelty" he helps and is kind after all. He is very dedicated to his duties. He knows that rules must be followed and cannot be broken. He is able to bear the greatest burden to make those he loves happy.

He did the same with Kou in p.p. he told him the truth in a nice way. He didn't say anything that wasn't true, it may seem "cruel", but that's how it works. He will tell the truth.He said it to Kou in a very nice way. And I really love him like that. Amane is fascinating. Kou said that Amane was powerful. If that was the case, I want to see how powerful he was before he was sealed! Show me Amane!! I need know more how wonderful you are! Amane is very fascinating!!! As if I could forget his cute side.

So sweet and cute, sometimes goofy, but he is the most wonderful in the world. Thanks to Kou and Nene, he started to be happy even if it's only for a while, they both influenced him and he's really happy being with them. Amane may seem goofy, but he's a really smart boy and will help with advice when needed. Example… Nene wanting to comfort Kou about what happened to Mitsuba. He took Kou's pain seriously and said what he honestly thought, thus giving advice to Nene.

Amane is a man of deeds. He prefers to express his feelings with deeds, not words. He often shows it. He doesn't like to show feelings, talk about feelings. He's traumatized.

Amane has completely won my heart through the past that has been revealed a little bit, that he was beaten.

This boy has suffered too much and has also deprived himself of happiness by killing his brother, condemning himself to eternal suffering and self-hate. He was terminally ill, he miraculously recovered thanks to his brother, someone was beating him, he decided to kill his beloved brother and condemn himself for this act for eternity. Amane knows were was doing bad and regrets it. This boy keeps all his suffering inside and don't want to tell anyone, he prefers to suffer alone. Amane, showing fear and trauma due to the murder of his brother, shows that he didn't kill because wanted, but had a reason. This boy is amazing! as I said above, he was sick, he couldn't have fun, then someone beat him, and he decided to kill his brother and himself, condemning himself to trauma and eternal suffering, and he still does it like for example for Nene. This boy is putting his own well-being aside for the people he loves. He is ready for anything even though it is a heavy burden for him! He killed his brother because of that, and I think that's how he wanted to protect him like he is protecting him now as a yorishiro and is the most important thing to him. By killing brother, he condemned himself to eternal suffering, which means that he did not think about himself and his own happiness! Think about yourself Amane, being selfish in your case is not bad!! I love him so much! This boy is really amazing!!! Bravo Amane!👏 do what you do💕 Amane realize some of his actions are bad, but he's brave enough to do it for the people he loves. He always apologizes sincerely. he is learning.He works his way and it's wonderful! Keep doing it Amane.

Amane is a smart boy. He knows what he's doing and takes the consequences for it. He gets them often. He means well and I know it well and I adore him for it. He is not morally "pure" he does what he thinks is right, even if it is wrong, for example, Nene's wish. He knew he would have to do it slowly and quietly. But it's a contract between him and Nene that he decided to fulfill. There's nothing wrong with that because it was a wish for the role he was supposed to fill. He knew what the consequences would be but he decides to do it anyway, whether it's good or bad. Willing to do good, this boy is willing to do something wrong with his conscience to do good! Fascinating!!! He is fascinating. Amane is a person who, when he decides to do something, implements it. As Amane, he seems to be shy, he was a loner type which captivated me and

he got angry as shown in festival arc he is so cute!! Amane is so cute!! He's so embarrassed, haha. Did he get angry when he was older? I want to know more about this boy! Little cute baby!! being angry and ashamed is not a bad thing! It's normal!

Amane as Hanako tries to be an adult but it doesn't work, not with Tsuchigomori. The funny thing is that it's best seen in spin off. This scene is my absolute favourite

It's really funny. I adore him!! I adore!!! I ADORE!!!!!!!! Cute,silly,goofy beautiful ,gorgeous,cutie at the same time!!! Lttle angel and beautiful kind cutie boooy!! my world!!! Ahhh!!!!

Continuing....

Amane as Hanako shows the most adorable features of his former living self

and

In either case, he meant no harm. Kou wanted to prove him wrong and he deserved to be rid of him in the future, and a simple misunderstanding came out of Tsukasa. A 4-year-old boy who finds out that he's going to die and wants to go with his brother, but he doesn't have the strength, so he can't stand these negative emotions anymore. There was a really big misunderstanding. Amane never hated Tsukasa. He's a poor boy who has lost all motivation and pretends everything is fine when it isn't. This little boy has been through so much and is still going through so much suffering.

I want to know more about this boy. These are the crumbs showing that his life was not very happy and he chose to continue his suffering by killing his beloved brother. I want to know more!! This boy is so fascinating!!

Relationship with Tsukasa

I brought up the topic of his relationship with Tsukasa so it's time to start this point. The relationship of the twins is my second favorite thing after Amane. Amane unquestionably loves his little brother since ALWAYS. It would seem that he treated Tsukasa coldly as Hanako is the most important thing after all, and his anger at him always quickly had because he is his little treasure and he can't understand that his little brother does bad things. He wants to protect his moon. Amane has always cared for his younger brother.

Even when sick. He read him fairy tales, even wanted to read to him when he asked, he really wanted to, but the symptoms of the disease were so strong that he had to put it off for later. It's the disappointment on his face, he didn't want to refuse his younger brother in any way, but he was forced to because he felt really bad, which also shows. Despite his illness, he was still a caring, caring older brother. He took care of Tsukasa as much as he could. And one day he couldn't take it anymore and he vented his frustration because he couldn't have fun like Tsukasa. He wanted to take care of him, to play with him, but his illness limited him and my poor boy cried. Tsukasa thought he hated him.I see his brother and surprised that his younger brother. Amane realized his brother was gone. I want to know what he did and what was his further reaction to the fact that his younger brother. Just like Hanako, he seems to be angry with him and annoyed by his presence, but that's not true, he showed love for his brother every time, being angry with his brother if he does something wrong is not a crime. It seems that Amane after Tsukasa's disappearance didn't understand him

Even though he doesn't understand him, he 100% wants to understand him and even though he doesn't understand him, this is his treasure, his little brother whom he loves whom he wants to protect. He is his yorishiro. Tsukasa is more important to him than the real moon. Their relationship is complicated, but one thing is for sure, they both love each other very much and there is no doubt about it!!

His passion for the moon

Amane has dreamed of flying to the moon since he was a little kid. Space and the moon are his passion and it hasn't changed. Tsuchigomori said that if he became a physics teacher, his love for space and the moon developed and is still there. He has not changed his way of life. Just like every kid dreams of becoming, for example, a "policeman" etc, it often happens that then their paths are different. Amane has been with the choice since he was a 4-year-old child. This is the truest love for the stars, the cosmos and the moon. In p.p arc he pretended to be himself, but he didn't pretend to love the cosmos, he was happy even if he knew it was just fiction.His passion and love is beautiful, and the pursuit of this goal is very motivating and that's something I admire. My beautiful boy~~ You're THE BEST Amane!!!

his design

Of course, I had to limit myself again. He looks so wonderful, and suits are really his passion, and of course not only!! It looks wonderful in everything. Kyyayyaa he is wonderful!!!

his black eyes!

I find his black eyes fascinating!! It's still fascinating that both are not always black.

I wonder what makes Amane interesting for me and more and more interesting and wants to know more and more!!!

His thoughts

Even though I can read him, I still can't fully understand him, and the greatest mystery to me is his thoughts. I know very well that he doesn't like to talk and it's hard for him to open up. He has a darkness inside him that he sits in and doesn't want to get out, although he is slowly starting to open up. He said he didn't understand Tsukasa, and that's something, even if he's just a little one, but still something, his thoughts are still a mystery to me, from the latest chapter.

I know he's serious, but what does he mean? Does he have to be careful or is he suspicious or something?! I really want to know!!! And Amane is so fascinating!! (I don't know how many times I've said that)

When he puts his hands in his pockets

he looks like a boss!!!

His smiles and blushes

His jokes and when he's teasing

His jokes, for example, about Yashiro's legs. He was just kidding, but he loves her legs! teasing,It's his way of getting attention and show interest.

His decisive attitude ( for example like this)

Embarrassed Amane

I like its colors that represent him Black and red are always my favorite colors. Amane is represented by red and I really like it!!

In short, I consider it the most beautiful and perfect in every way. Everything about him is fascinating to me, even his jealousy is cute because he wanted to leave her twice, which would mean that Nene could find someone else. This boy is really fascinating to me. Glory to Yugi Amane You are the best the way you are!!! Keep doing what you're doing, you're the best! Amane deserves much much more good!! he deserves so much more, he deserves happiness!!He deserves the happiest moment!!

Thank you for your question! I had so much fun!!

[mudaship39]

Heart of Dragon Fire, Soul of Phoenix Flame, & Ocean Blood of Sea Fairy 

Chapter 9: Verse:

An Adoration of Earth, Sky, & Ocean and A Love Born of Fire, Flame, & Water:

Years ago I used to speak, sing, whisper, scream, & roar 

With my phoenix soul, with my fairy ocean blood, & with my dragon heart

With the storm, tempest, & gale of my body made of earth, ocean, & sky

With the inferno of my body born of fire, flame, & water 

At the earth, the seas, the skies, the heavens, the moons, the stars, & the planets of this universe 

That is the home of my deities and the home of my ancestors 

Asking them to not make me a Southeast Asian Vietnamese and East Asian Chinese person of color 

Asking them to not make me a French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika 

Asking them to not make me a brown skinned Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika person of color 

They said no because they didn’t understand 

Why would I want to change something 

That is already so perfect, so worth loving, & that is so beautiful in their eyes 

They understand though that I used to have so much self hate 

That caused me to think of myself as ugly, imperfect, & not worth loving 

Because of years of racism, colorism, & anti native racism

In those moments I think about her you know

A brown skinned Latine girl I met in elementary school and junior high

A brown skinned Latine woman of color I met in high school

A brown skinned Latine Native woman of color I met in college

Who made me feel better about being brown skinned 

Who made me feel better about being a Vietnamese and Chinese person of color 

Who made me feel better about a French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika 

She taught me how to love my racial identity 

She taught me how to love my cultural identity

After years of being taught to be ashamed and embarrassed about a core motherfucking part of me! 

She always thought I was beautiful, that I was perfect, & that I was worth loving 

She thought it was amazing that I had a dragon heart, had a phoenix soul, & had fairy ocean blood 

She thought it was awesome that I had a body made of earth, ocean, & sky born of fire, flame, & water 

She thought it was wonderful that I was a Vietnamese and Chinese person of color 

She thought it was incredible that I was a French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika

It is so easy to think about committing suicide 

It is so hard not to think about committing suicide 

You have no idea how hard it is that I am still alive 

You have no idea what I endured and what I suffered to still be here!

They took from me my earth voice!

They stole my ocean song! 

They robbed me of my happiest memory! 

For as long as this dragon heart beats! 

For as long as this phoenix soul streams! 

For as long as this fairy aura flows!

I will never in my fucking life ever forgive them for that!

But I remember what it felt like when she loved me

I will always remember that emotion and feeling

I will always cherish it in my divine and heavenly phoenix soul

I will always treasure it in my celestial and stellar dragon heart

I told my ancestors about her every night in my dreams

They told me our relationship was pure and that our love was beautiful

They said they are still thankful for her to this day for helping me find self love and acceptance

I thought her charcoal or ebony hair was beautiful 

I thought her terracotta or ochre brown skin was gorgeous

I thought her chestnut or almond eyes were stunning 

She was the reason I found out I was polyamorous

I believe in true love but I don’t believe there has to be just one

Yes my future partners will know about each other 

So stop fucking asking me that 

My heart and soul is too big to love just one person 

Because I loved her, I loved him, & I loved them

But he, she, & they all loved me too

But most of all I loved her especially 

She was the reason I found out I was nonbinary as my gender 

She was the reason I found out I was genderfluid, bigender, or pangender as my gender identity  

I identify with male masculine pronouns of he/him

I identify with female feminine pronouns of she/her

I identify with nonbinary pronouns of they/them

I identify with nonbinary pronouns of xer/xers

It’s not about being masculine or feminine 

But it’s about being masculine and feminine at the same time 

Not a boy, not a girl, & none of your motherfucking business 

Sometimes I feel I am one gender, but sometimes I feel I am the other

Sometimes I feel I am both, yet sometimes I feel I am neither in the case of western colonial binary 

I am nonbinary

I am bigender, pangender, or genderfluid

Sometimes I feel I am all of them in the case of Indigenous Pasifika gender fluidity 

I am mahu or maohi in the middle

I am and I will always be myself no matter what gender identity I chose

My gender and my gender identity doesn’t change the fact that I am me

So what is between my legs should not matter 

I am not trapped in my body 

But I am trapped in other people's perception about my body 

She was the reason I found out I was bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual

They say you have to choose to love men or women or beyond 

But I don’t have to make that choice as someone pansexual

They say hearts not parts

I say love has no gender for love it is a many gendered thing

For I love men, women, & people who both, people who are none of the above, & people who are all of the above

The same way I don’t conform to gender binary I also don’t conform to sexual orientation binary

I don’t believe that gender and sexual orientation are binary

I don’t conform to gender identity binary and sexual orientation binary of colonizers and imperialists 

I believe that gender and sexual orientation are both fluid

I have loved people who are cis, people who are trans, people who are nonbinary, & people who are genderfluid

I have been infatuated with people who are bigender, people who are agender, people who are pangender

I have felt fondness for people who are two spirit Indigenous

I have felt captivated by people who are mahu, fa'afaine, fakaleiti, or maohi/raerae Indigenous Pasifika 

I have adored people who are bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, or asexual 

I loved her before and after I knew what love was

I loved her so much that I was actually willing to reconnect with how my Indigenous Pasifika people

About how we felt about sex, gender, gender identity, sexuality, & sexual orientation 

Before colonizers and imperialists commited cultural genocide 

Before colonialism, imperialism, neocolonialism, & occupation 

Before colonizers and imperialists imposed their gender binary and sexual orientation binary on my people

I chose to empower myself by reconnecting with being Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika 

By connecting with my cultural identity and gender identity 

Of being considered Mahu by Hawaiians, considered Fa'afaine  by Samoans, considered Fakaleiti by Tongans, or Maohi/Raerae by Tahitians

I am maohi or raerae 

The third Indigenous gender of my Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika people

Something that is similar yet diverse to two spirit of Turtle Island Indigenous people 

Being mahu or maohi 

It is not just my gender identity 

It is not just my cultural identity 

It is also my cultural responsibility 

It is also my spiritual obligation 

Before colonizers and imperialists came to the Polynesian islands

People in our families, clans, & nations would come to people like me for guidance 

That was before colonizers and imperialists commited cultural genocide against my people 

I was willing to connect with all of it for her because she helped me find self love and acceptance 

She loved me loudly, boldly, & proudly you know but I couldn’t do the same though 

Not then because I was still ashamed of my sex, my gender, my gender identity, & my sexual orientation

She was fine with that but there was this look in her eyes though 

Not of pity like the others but of sympathy and understanding

I will always remember that look forever 

She would never judge me though that was not who she was

It was then I knew because I heard the love in her voice

It was then I knew because I saw the love in her eyes 

The love and adoration she had for me 

I knew then how much and how deeply she cared about me 

She was my first love and I was her first love as well

I honestly never liked love songs and spoken word poetry about love 

I despised and loathed them even as a spoken word poet and songwriter

I know that is ironic as fuck but hear me out for a second

I didn’t feel the way songs talked about love before when I thought about love as someone nonconforming 

When friends asked me if I liked someone 

When family asked me was I ever in love with someone 

I lied as someone who mostly identifies as bisexual or pansexual 

I have never felt love before because to be in love 

I need a physical, romantic, sexual, intellectual, emotional, & or spiritual connection, bond, & link with someone

I never had that until her because when I was with her 

I finally understood what those songs and slam poems were talking about  

That look in her eyes terrified me 

That tone in her voice scared me 

Because I never have I heard such conviction and I have never seen such faith before

From anyone until her that is why I knew she was being honest

I was scared to be honest and I wanted to run or fly away so badly 

She looked at me like I was Icarus and she was Helios the Titan of the sun

She spoke about me like she was Artemis and I was Orion

In her eyes I could do no wrong

I knew in that moment that we were going to have an immortal kind of love

A love spoken about in spoken word poetry, music, dates, & candle lit dinners

A love only shown in romantic comedies

But wait a second, romantic comedies are usually cisheteronormative and eurocentric!

So nah as a queer Indigenous Pasfika author, comic book writer, & screenwriter 

I am not talking about that kind of love b!

I am talking about a love bonded in fire, flame, & water!

I am talking about an adoration linked with earth, ocean, & sky!

As someone nonbinary or genderfluid pansexual who is also mahu or maohi

I am talking about a love that a person of color, an Indigenous person, or Indigenous person of color 

Can have for a person who is Indigenous or person of color

I am talking about a love a person of color, Indigenous person, or Indigenous person of color 

Can have for people who are people of color and Indigenous people! 

I am talking about that kind of love as an Indigenous person of color spoken word poet and songwriter!   

I had that kind of love at only fifteen 

She is why I want to date and perhaps later marry Indigenous and or people of color partner(s)

My existence is resistance and my existence is political whether I like it or not as a queer Indigenous Pasifika person of color 

And I need a partner or partners who can grasp that 

She was kind, compassionate, open minded, & tolerant

When she saw my scars of self harm caused by my chronic depression, anxiety, ocd or obsessive compulsive disorder, bpd or bipolar disorder, & ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder

She didn’t recoil in disgust or look at me with pity not like the others

She hugged me as I cried in her arms holding me while telling me that I was perfect, beautiful, & worth loving

She was the only person I was okay with being in my personal space as someone with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, & post traumatic stress disorder  

I built a castle around my heart and around my soul 

Defended by forts and citadels and she was the only person I let in

I was emotionally vulnerable with her 

After being taught my whole life to be stoic and always be emotionally distant! 

After my family, especially my parents and siblings, emotionally abandoned me! 

She told me that I didn’t have to be strong

She told me that I was always strong

She told me that I was strong in the ways that mattered 

Strong in ways that didn’t just include physical strength

That I could be vulnerable and “weak” around her

She said that it is fine that I am disabled, autistic, & neurodivergent 

I am not allistic, abled bodied, or neurotypical 

I have autism, add, adhd

I have a chronic illness

I have Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis

I have mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bpd, ocd, & ptsd

I am not a white and I am not non native 

She said that it is fine that I am a person of color

I am a Vietnamese and Chinese 

I am a Southeast Asian and East Asian person of color 

She said it was fine that I am a European French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika 

I am not cishet

She said that it is fine that I am queer

I am a nonbinary genderfluid pansexual 

She says it’s fine that I am trans 

I am considered being Mahu by Hawaiians, Fa'afaine by Samoans, Fakaleiti by Tongans, or Maohi/Raerae by Tahitians

She says that she would love me always no matter what 

If it was anyone else I would ask them why the fuck were they lying to me! 

If it was anyone else I would ask them to just say the truth to my face!

If it was anyone else I would ask them to stop bullshitting me! 

But when I heard her voice and when I saw the look in her eyes

She understood more than most and that was what made me cry

I burst into tears and I cried harder

Crying tears that I had held inside for so long!

She hugged me tighter in her arms as I cried realizing what was wrong

She embraced me tighter as it to make up for years of emotional neglect 

I was alive for many years and that was the first and only time...

I ever heard those words spoken truthfully without any deceit or trickery...

She keeps saying that I am perfect, beautiful, & worth loving in her eyes

Over and over again until I finally believe her words…

Until I don’t see them anymore as just lies!

She says that I am perfect, beautiful, & worth loving 

But I don’t see that I can’t see what she sees 

I can’t with my chronic mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, OCD, & PTSD

I have body dysphoria and body image issues

I just see something disgusting, vile, not worth loving, imperfect, & ugly

She cried as she says to me that is not true

That what I see is only my mental illnesses warping my self perception of myself 

She says she wished that I can see myself through her eyes 

I want to see so fucking badly 

But I can’t with my mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, ocd, & ptsd 

I couldn’t see what she sees, I couldn’t, believe me, I tried for so long

I could only see it for a while when the mental illnesses go away for awhile

This is why I cry when I hurt myself because I am hurting and destroying something she sees as beautiful, worth loving, & perfect! 

Me and her we were together mentally, emotionally, intellectually, & spiritually 

We were together in the ways that mattered to me as someone nonconforming 

Who usually identifies as bisexual or pansexual but has and still sometimes still identifies as asexual or demisexual 

She was the first and only person I was in love with as someone nonconforming

She took a piece of my dragon heart and a fragment of my phoenix soul with her when she left 

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to and love leaves exactly when love must

Well love left and I thought I had more time to tell her what I truly felt 

That I was no longer ashamed or embarrassed of my gender, gender identity, sexuality, & sexual orientation 

That I was finally ready to love her the same way she did me loudly, proudly, & boldly

I honestly thought we would be together forever 

To this day that piece of my heart and that fragment of my soul they still belong to her 

We just weren’t together physically, romantically, & or sexually but we didn’t need to be 

Nothing like that came out of our relationship 

Honestly now that I think about it I didn’t want it to 

I don’t think I was even ready for that kind of love in that moment anyway

We separated as friends before college and I am content with that actually 

To this day we still have an unconditional platonic relationship

My love for her isn’t conditional for it is unconditional 

Then I still hadn’t unpacked my passive aggressive verbal and emotional abusive and toxic tendencies 

That I absorbed from people who were mentally, emotionally, verbally, & physically abusive and toxic to me 

She is why I chose to go to therapy to unlearn toxic and abusive behavior so I wouldn’t be abusive or toxic to future partner(s)

My unconditional platonic relationship with two other women were why I actually decided to not commit suicide

Standing on that ledge and thinking about jumping 

Sitting on that couch thinking about buying that gun and pulling the trigger

I thought how committing suicide would hurt them and how they would blame themselves for not being there for me 

I thought of how my pain would end but my pain would just transfer to them 

I would never blame them because those two showed me kindness, compassion, understanding, & sympathy

So I chose to endure and survive a little while longer because I had no self love and so much self hate but I loved them both that much

I chose to see if life would get better 

I chose to live in the moment 

I chose to live for just one more day, one more week, one more month, & one more year

After a long journey of self love and acceptance 

I chose to live for nine years now because I loved myself that much and had a healthy amount of self love

I was not ready for love back then but now I am

After eight years of therapy to unlearn self hate, having more self love, & having unlearned abusive and toxic traits I finally am

I could only see what she saw when she called me perfect, worth loving, & beautiful when I went to therapy

I could only see what she saw after a long and difficult journey of healing, self love, & acceptance

I wonder wherever she is 

I wonder if she is proud that I am hurting myself less with self harm?

I wonder if she would be happy to know how far I come in this journey of healing, acceptance, & self love?

I wonder if she is happy that I am now proud to be a Vietnamese and Chinese person of color?

I wonder if she is happy I am now proud to be a French and Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika?

I wonder if she is happy that I am now accepting of my gender, gender identity, & sexual orientation?

I wonder if she is content that I am no longer scared of dating because I have now unpacked my toxic and abusive tendencies 

I would like to think so you know since our relationship was the one that mattered the most to me in my whole life

I will always love her unconditionally in a platonic way

I hope she is happy wherever she is 

I wish her the best

I will always cherish our love linked with fire, flame, & water 

I will always treasure our adoration bonded by earth, ocean, & sky 

[themarcusmoreno]

I see your back at it again providing the beautiful writing about an apocalyptic and I’m in love all over again. The inner dialogue of reader just keeps getting better and better, you’ve given them these tiny pieces of humanity that they’re holding on to and probably don’t even realize. Same with Joel. Both he and the reader are still harboring pieces of who they were even under all the loss, loneliness and turmoil that they’ve been through. You’re also creating the most slow burn yearning, it’s like the little flickers of a flame and I am living for it. The world building you’re creating is SO amazing and I cannot wait to see what else you add. I’m once again going to share some highlights I made and my thoughts - hopefully that’s okay!

But now that the years had passed and you’d finally grown up, you could see what you didn’t catch before. You were still alive…somehow. Yet still the pain remained. The grief that you tried so hard to forget about was stored inside your bag, carried around with each trudging step you continued to make in silence. || This one, ugh. The mention of grief and how sometimes you carry it in silence is just perfect. I know that’s probably not how you meant the interpretation but it’s how I took it and loved it.

Only for the question to hang in the air like the deafening silence. Each minute ticked by just a little bit slower because of it. You watched his entire body stiffen, his jaw twitching as he stopped chewing his food, and stared into the fire. The man you thought you knew as Joel, disappeared before your very eyes. || No thoughts, just the shift in Joel you wrote being really fuvking good. You can see it in the show too, the subtle way he slips into this other person and you’ve captured it well. Ugh, perfection.

Over the years, you’d seen hunters before. Been privy to how they worked, how they killed. They held an animalistic quality to their movements that reminded you too much of the infected. They killed as if they enjoyed it. You had killed yourself, but Joel was different. He moved like a predator, taking in his surroundings with a careful and analytical gaze. You noticed it while walking with him, watched him take note of everything that could be used as a weapon and every place he could hide. Joel was a survivor, that much remained clear to you. He was dangerous beneath the surface. And you wondered how much he had to endure to get to this point. What had he seen or even done to stay alive as the world crumpled at his feet? You figured you’d never know the truth, and perhaps it was better that way. || I loved this whole part, the way you described the hurt and killing was just perfect. Now, for that bolded bit, that was just *chefs kiss*. You describing Joel as predator while also being a survivor was just poetic in a way I wasn’t expecting. I just loved it.

Laughing, you dropped your arm and half expected him to shift away from you, but he remained. His hand, still clutching onto yours with a gentler touch. Rather than pull away, you allowed him to stand there—his breath brushing along your neck softly every few seconds. Neither of you spoke. Too afraid of breaking whatever this was, of losing the small comfort of his touch. || I feel nothing but yearning. I have no thoughts, just yearning. Oh, the way they let themselves have ONE second of comfort was just so good.

That was the irony of the apocalypse. No matter how much you tried to escape it, death would remain. Whether good or bad, it would forever be the only constant in this world. || The no escaping death is just a too real thing and it’s beautiful as it is tragic.

“Her name was Sarah,” he said, eyes not meeting yours and body rigid. The words made you freeze, eyes trained on his silhouette that the shadows played along. || PAIN. That’s all I could think when I read this cause I saw Joel just like he is in the gif for this chapter but lit by firelight and could practically see the pain in his features. It’s so good but ow.

I’m so excited to see what the next chapters and there’s no question about it, I am ready to either yearn or hurt - maybe both. It’s beautifully written, mi corazón, as always. 🖤

HURT

➝ 02. ONLY ONES WHO KNOW

a/n: i am in deep for this man and it's only the second week of his show. not sure how i'll survive the rest of it. what did y'all think of episode 2? so, the story continues and i finally get to delve in a bit deeper on the relationship between these two. something i'm incredibly excited about. look out for some drabbles/interludes coming soon regarding this story. thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. i'm glad you're all enjoying it!

summary: for days you traveled with a man you barely knew. until you finally gain the courage to ask him about the watch on his wrist.

word count: 4.7k+

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: not explicit yet but still 18+, cussing, violence, gore, angst, blood, tw death, gratuitous prose about the apocalypse setting, slow burn, tw food consumption.

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Silence filled the space between you, filling the void of what was never there. You’d been walking together for days, taking paths here and there through unknown streets and abandoned towns. It seemed that when Joel made the offer for you to accompany him, he simply meant he’ll show you the way. He wouldn’t be your friend, your buddy as you walked, hell he would barely even talk, and for a while you accepted that.

You kept yourself busy by looking at the scenery, digging through empty buildings for useful things, and fighting off the odd infected that still remained. For the first three days you told yourself that neither of you would stick around long enough to know the other. Eventually, you’d part ways. Meaning you would be alone once more. So what was the point of learning meaningless information, that would do nothing to help either of your situations

By the fourth day you were slowly losing your mind with just small worded responses, and questions that still hung in the air—frozen against the time that passed. You weren’t sure how long it would take to get to Boston. Shit you weren’t even sure where you were now, having crossed through town after town without ever finding a name or sign. All that would remain of them in your memory was the sight of the decay. Of the buildings slowly losing the remnant of a lifeless humanity that remained—nature overtaking what was rightfully hers.

You’d seen it everywhere. The brutalization of the apocalypse coming to full fruition before your very eyes. With humanity gone, the world could finally heal. You could recall learning about the fall of humanity in school; professors talked about what the world might look like once everyone disappeared. Would the world fall to pieces from the destruction humans caused, or would it adapt?

You never used to see it that way though. Never thought that nature was healing, so much as it was taking over. There was a time where you could remember hating the world—wishing for its ultimate demise. You wanted it all to end. Life, death…time. You didn’t care which one went first, as long as it took you with them.

But now that the years had passed and you’d finally grown up, you could see what you didn’t catch before. You were still alive…somehow. Yet still the pain remained. The grief that you tried so hard to forget about was stored inside your bag, carried around with each trudging step you continued to make in silence. 

Silence had been your only companion for some time now, and you were thoroughly exhausted of its company.

Perhaps that’s why you eventually broke down and asked him the question that made him close himself off.

It was a reaction you never expected to happen. One that left you wracking your mind for what you could have said that made this journey even more uncomfortable.

“Where did you get your watch?”

You had asked him as you ate dinner—or at least a makeshift meal of something he killed. The fire crackled in the night air, creating warmth you hadn’t enjoyed in awhile. Reminding you of late nights in your childhood home. The fireplace emitting the soft warmth that lulled you to sleep on the couch. Before you could stop and think about it, you’d simply asked him—thinking it would start a small conversation.

Only for the question to hang in the air like the deafening silence. Each minute ticked by just a little bit slower because of it. You watched his entire body stiffen, his jaw twitching as he stopped chewing his food, and stared into the fire. The man you thought you knew as Joel, disappeared before your very eyes.

It was an honest question. One that usually created small talk. Except you couldn’t help but think that you’d fucked up in a big way once the words left your mouth. You’d seen him fiddle with the watch before. Tracing his finger along the wristband, touching the broken glass that still remained. You had half a mind to ask why he still wore it if it was broken. But then you realized…if you had something left from your old life—you’d keep it with you too.

Even if it stopped working.

The sun began to dip below the horizon again, bathing the small forest area you were currently traveling through, in darkness. Eventually you’d have to stop for the night, find a place that both of you deemed safe enough, but Joel seemed intent on continuing. The past few days he stopped before the sun began to dip below the trees. However, today he seemed different. Off. You didn’t want to blame your question on his actions that resembled a lost man simply putting one foot in front of the other, but you knew it had to be the cause.

So, you stopped walking. The small hideout was covered with larger rocks, creating a makeshift sitting area. You wondered if people used this before—thinking they could survive in the woods as the cities were torn apart.

It took him a minute to realize the echo of your footsteps didn’t follow his, forcing him to turn. A look remained in his eyes that told you everything you needed to know. He was lost. Though his expression was empty, he couldn’t hide the dazed glint in his eyes.

“We can’t stop here,” he said gruffly, his voice rough from not being used.

You shrugged, dropping your bag to the ground and starting to button up your coat. “You’re exhausted, I’m hungry, and there’s nothing we can do in the dark.”

“I’m not—” he started, his eyebrows pulling together.

“You know how to use a bow and arrow right?”

He watched you dig up the archaic weapon you both found in an abandoned house a day ago. Joel didn’t question why you picked it up, figuring that you knew how to use it. When in reality, you simply grabbed it in case it would come in handy. Weapons weren’t your forte. You barely learned how to shoot a fucking gun the right way. But he looked like he knew enough to use the weapon with ease; hopefully it would assist both of you in hunting down something larger to eat.

“If you didn’t know how to use it, why did you take it?”

Tracing the design on the side of the arrow with your eyes, you stepped away from the small hideout, heading towards the thicket of trees that were ahead of you. “Figured you knew how to use it,” you called over your shoulder. “Thought you might need another weapon.”

He didn’t respond, but he did follow you. The crunch of leaves underneath his boots, reverberating off the trees. If you weren’t careful you would attract something that neither of you would be able to outrun. You knew his bullets were too important to use hunting wise, but arrows could be reused if they stayed intact. Or at least you hoped that’s what would happen.

“We’ll need to go further out,” he said, walking past you and quickly taking the lead, his gun still strapped to his shoulder—his bag back with yours.

Once again, you walked in silence. Conversation didn’t seem to come easy to him you noticed, and rather than push him into talking, you allowed him to start it off. After the question, you knew that stepping where you didn’t belong wasn’t the best choice with Joel. He was reserved. Far more than you. His past would remain a mystery—you were okay with that—but it seemed he didn’t want to share anything other than hunting tips and small words shared over a meal.

He headed towards a small cliff, his eyes scanning the area for animals. Over the years, you’d seen hunters before. Been privy to how they worked, how they killed. They held an animalistic quality to their movements that reminded you too much of the infected. They killed as if they enjoyed it. You had killed yourself, but Joel was different. He moved like a predator, taking in his surroundings with a careful and analytical gaze. You noticed it while walking with him, watched him take note of everything that could be used as a weapon and every place he could hide.

Joel was a survivor, that much remained clear to you. He was dangerous beneath the surface. And you wondered how much he had to endure to get to this point. What had he seen or even done to stay alive as the world crumpled at his feet? You figured you’d never know the truth, and perhaps it was better that way.

What was the point of knowing this man? By the time you reached Boston, you would go your separate ways—following different paths in order to remain alive and somewhat human. You didn’t want to see his humanity, witness his vulnerabilities, because that would make parting so much harder.

What was the point in growing attached when eventually…time would tear you apart in the end anyways?

“You know what you’re doing with that?” he asked, breaking you out of your thoughts. Thankfully he ignored the fact that your gaze was trained on him.

Nodding, you notched the arrow in place, attempting to pull it back and aim well enough to make the shot. “Easy,” you replied, hearing the slight shake in your voice.

Fuck the nerves. You’ve killed before. Taken life from animals and people alike, but never like this. A gun had always been your preferred weapon, due to its easy nature, and you hated that Joel could see that. All you ever had to do before was aim and pull a trigger, but this called for something more. A skill you didn’t have in your arsenal.

He shook his head subtly, standing to his full height as you struggled with the weapon—your arms shaking beneath the strain of keeping the position.

“Relax,” he said, his hand settling on your tense shoulders. “You’ll hurt yourself if you do it this way.”

Huffing, you tried to listen to his words, forcing your body to release the tension that riddled it. “I told you I don’t know how to use this.”

“No, you didn’t.” If you turned your head you would have caught the small hint of a grin forming on his lips. “Lift your elbow more,” he stated, nudging it with his hand and causing a jolt to go through your arm.

“Like this?” Your words were soft as he shifted your movements with his hands that barely touched you.

Something moved in the distance, the rustling of branches telling you where to aim, but Joel was already way ahead of you. His hand slid over yours, helping you adjust your hold until the arrow went steady—pointing directly where it needed to go. The breath you released was shaky; your nerves showing through clearly enough for him to see. You hoped he had the decency to ignore them. To help you take the shot and move on, but his hand clasped over yours tighter, as if to reassure you.

Whatever existed in the air between you, unspoken and forever silent, worked its way through your body. Until the shake in your arms disappeared and your chest felt lighter.

Once again the rustling echoed in the distance, what you guessed to be a wild rabbit coming out to find food for itself. You didn’t give yourself time to wonder anymore, because Joel was nudging your foot forward with his. Pushing you into a stance that released the pressure you felt on your lower back. Taking in a breath, you felt him release his against the back of your neck, causing your hair to stand straight and chills to spread down your spine.

You wanted to lean into him. Feel his warmth a bit longer, but the animal was getting closer—your window closing with each passing second.

“You see it?” he murmured, head nodding in its direction.

“Yeah…I see it.”

Taking in a breath, you felt him guide your arm, the arrow in position, before you let it go. You could have sworn time slowed down as it flew through the air. Its movements, soundless amidst the echo of nature that resounded through the area. With bated breath, you watched it soar until it hit its mark with a thud—the animal collapsing into the brush. Dead.

Laughing, you dropped your arm and half expected him to shift away from you, but he remained. His hand, still clutching onto yours with a gentler touch. Rather than pull away, you allowed him to stand there—his breath brushing along your neck softly every few seconds. Neither of you spoke. Too afraid of breaking whatever this was, of losing the small comfort of his touch.

Eventually you would have to collect the rabbit and things would go back to the semblance of normal that came before. But for now…you weren’t two survivors. You weren’t on the brink of losing to the fear, giving into the idea of a quick death. For those small minutes, you were a woman being touched by a man.

You were human again.

“Good job,” he said, pulling away entirely and allowing the cold air to envelop you again.

You wondered if he felt it. The speed of your heartbeat, the longing that caused an ache to spread throughout your body. Did he long for touch too? Or had he cut himself off from that? You wanted to know the answer, but asking him questions never went well with you. So you stood there, watching him walk down the cliff and towards the animal whose life would sustain yours for just a bit longer.

That was the irony of the apocalypse. No matter how much you tried to escape it, death would remain.

Whether good or bad, it would forever be the only constant in this world.

The fire crackled in the night air. You watched as sparks floated up to the sky before being extinguished by oxygen. The sight made you smile, bringing you back to childhood memories of camping and college nights sitting at bonfires. You remembered fire being contiguous to joy, small moments of peace that came before the pain.

It was pure, a way to end the infection, but also a way to sustain life. So, you relished in it, sitting on ground beside your bag as Joel worked with the rabbit. He claimed that it needed to be cooked and eaten so you could move on—the smell attracting not just infected, but larger animals that might have survived too. You took his word as the truth, assisting him by bringing the fire to life and setting it in a makeshift pit.

“Where’d you learn to do this?” he asked, setting up the rabbit over the flames.

You grinned, pushing a piece of wood in closer. “He speaks,” you joked.

“When he needs to.” He didn’t smile, didn’t offer you anything other than the small retort, but you took it nonetheless.

“My brother. He used to be a Marine.” You pushed around the brush beneath the wood. “He’d always tell me that I needed to know two things. How to defend myself and how to build a fire. Somehow I was always better at building the fire.”

He didn’t comment, didn’t need to. You saw the way he listened to you, his eyes flickering back and forth from the fire before landing back on you. The moon hung low in the sky, the light from it illuminating the area around you, but the fire illuminated him. Casting shadows across his face and deepening the growing lines that were barely beginning to show with his age. You never asked how old he was—didn’t feel the need to—but now as you gazed at him, you wondered.

“I’m sorry about before,” you admitted, tearing your eyes away from him.

“Sorry ‘bout what?”

A crack echoed in the air as the wood snapped in two, falling to the ground and catching onto the brush.

“I shouldn’t have asked about your watch.” Once again he averted his attention elsewhere, turning the rabbit and avoiding your gaze. After a moment, you figured pushing past it was your best option. So you opted for something different. “What’s your name?”

He glanced up, eyebrows furrowing. “You know my name.”

“No, I mean your full name.”

“Hm.” He shifted, stretching his leg out. “Miller’s my last name.”

Your lips pulled up, teeth digging into your bottom lip. “Joel…Miller. It’s nice.”

He huffed slightly, almost a laugh but not quite. “What’s yours?”

“Hm.” You mused, glancing at the fire that ate away at the wood. 

Your full name fell from your lips, foreign sounding to your ears after years of never hearing it. At times you felt like a myth that no one could remember—a forgotten deity with no name to hold as your own. When he repeated it, the sound curling around his tongue and filling your stomach with warmth, you knew you wanted to hear him say it again.

If only to remember who you used to be for a brief moment longer.

He used his knife to tear off pieces of meat, handing it to you quickly before it cooled off. The small gesture reminded you of the people you used to survive with. How they’d make sure everyone got enough to eat, handing off the food with a smile; the kindness in their hearts, extinguished at the first pull of a trigger. You wanted to remember them with the same nostalgia as your old life, but there was nothing to be had there.

“Where’s your brother now?” Joel asked, interrupting your train of memories.

A sour feeling spread through your stomach, your chest tightening with each intake of breath. While normally, you’d forgo answering questions about your past, it seemed only fair this time.

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, digging your teeth into the meat and chewing slowly, savoring its flavor. “I uh…I managed to get out of Boston before they bombed the place. Made it home to see him gone.”

He stayed quiet, giving you room to continue if you wanted to. You should have stopped there, having answered his question with the truth, but after so long of sitting in your grief—it begged you to spill free.

“I had a mom too,” you said, staring at the orange glow of the flames. “I thought I’d find her when I got back. I mean she raised a man to become a Marine so she obviously must have known how to fight.” The breath felt heavy in your lungs, the sting of tears burning your eyes. “She was dead when I got there. Didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye,” you finished bitterly, the memory still burned into your mind.

If you could go back you would in a heartbeat. If only to have a chance to speak to her again, to tell her all the things you left unsaid. The world fell to shit faster than anyone expected—the virus spreading too quickly to give you enough time. So, you remained with what little you could still remember about her—hoping it would be enough in the end.

Joel didn’t respond. He simply stared at his watch, his thumb brushing along the face of it tenderly. You almost didn’t want him to say anything. For the first time in days, you were okay with sitting in silence with him. Content to simply stare at the fire, finish your meal, and go on your way. You knew that if he spoke, if he answered your question, there’d be no going back…for either of you.

“Her name was Sarah,” he said, eyes not meeting yours and body rigid. The words made you freeze, eyes trained on his silhouette that the shadows played along. 

You didn’t ask who she was, what she meant to him, because you knew he wouldn’t tell you either way. He said her name, and answered your question in his own way. It occurred to you that you were the only ones who knew each other's secret weight of grief and that was enough for you. Taking his words with a nod, you continued to eat until you finished off what he gave you; your stomach finally full after so long.

The smell of smoke filled your senses as you fought against the wave of exhaustion that riddled your body. You couldn’t sleep here. Not when the threat of infected remained dangerous in the woods. Although you weren’t sure what the fuck they’d be doing in the middle of nowhere anyways. They couldn’t survive here.

You weren’t sure how much time passed before you decided to lay down, your head propped up on your bag. The floor was uncomfortable; the rocks digging into your spine were the only thing keeping you awake, but you made do.

“What I wouldn’t give for some vodka,” you said, staring at the stars in the sky, trying to catch sight of some familiar constellations.

Joel scoffed, the sound still unfamiliar to your ears. “I’m more of a whiskey man myself.”

“Oh yeah? Where are you from?”

“Texas,” he replied, his southern drawl thicker as if to emphasize his point.

You snorted, staring at the moon. “Should’ve known with the way you can fucking shoot.” 

The fire would die down soon enough, leaving the both of you to freeze. Yet that didn’t stop you from settling further into your position, in an attempt to find a comfortable spot. You missed the bed from a few days ago—how it was so soft beneath your body. So normal after the hell you’d been through. But you knew if you two had stayed there, you’d be left to deal with the consequences that were sure to come.

“Do you think they’ve got alcohol in Boston?” you blurted out, feeling your eyes grow heavy.

He sighed, shifting his movements until his back was pressed up against the boulder. “Don’t know. I hope so.”

“What else do you like Texas?”

“Ha ha,” he drawled, his eyes falling shut. “I used to own a guitar.”

That perked you up a bit. “Don’t tell me you can sing?”

“I can’t sing.”

“Shit,” you whispered. “A girl can dream.”

“What about you Boston?” You could have sworn you heard a smile in his voice.

You smirked. “Ha ha.” Crossing your arms, you did your best to fight sleep, knowing if something happened you needed to be ready to run. “I used to have a record collection my mom started for me as a kid.” He hummed, his eyes still shut. “Nothing you would have listened to since you probably like country music.”

His foot tapped your arm, bringing out a peal of laughter from your chest that was most likely caused by the delirium of your sleeplessness. The last time you got some rest was a few days ago in that house. Even if you wanted to fight against it, you knew you’d pass out regardless—leaving the both of you vulnerable to any attacks. You reasoned that an hour or two wouldn’t hurt and before you could question the feeling in your gut, you were gone.

Falling into the arms of exhaustion that beckoned you closer. Promising a safe haven of a dark void without pain.

“Boston. Wake up.” Someone shaking your shoulders, jolted you awake. Your eyes flew open, hand going to the gun on your side. Only to see Joel crouching over you—the morning sun barely coming up above the trees.

You groaned, head falling back against your bag. “There’s a nicer way of waking people up, you know. A good morning—”

His hand slapped over your mouth, fingers curling around your jaw to snap it shut as he raised a finger to his lips. Fear filled your body, the cold wash of anxiety spreading down your spine as you sat up slowly. His eyes were hard, expression mimicking his emotions. The longer you stared at him, the more you realized that the man you met had returned—the hunter who was ruthless when need be.

Before you could ask him what was going on, you heard it. The familiar chilling screech of an infected. Your body jolted, eyes going wide before you slowly reached for the gun and pulled it into your lap.

Joel nodded, letting go of your jaw before gesturing with his hand to follow him as he crouched behind the rocks. You had half a mind to ask what the fuck one of those things was doing all the way out here, but figured neither of you knew the answer. Both of you were bound to run into another one sooner or later. From the sound of it, you could tell it was a runner.

Probably some poor bastard who was out trying to survive on their own. A flash of sympathy shot through your heart, before you loaded a bullet into the chamber of your gun.

“We need to go around,” he said lowly, his gun at the ready—bow and arrow strapped across his back.

“Can’t we just kill it?”

He shook his head, slowly shifting around the rock. “There might be more than one.”

“Shit.” Exhaling, you nodded at him to move, ready to run if you had to.

Standing to your full height with him, you caught sight of the infected staggering around the forest. They were barely turned, the fungus not even grown out of its body yet. Which meant that they were fast, able to chase if they caught sight of you and Joel. Holding your breath, you crept around the trees with your weapon at the ready—the nerves now prominent in your racing heart.

Neither of you spoke, too afraid of catching its attention, but it was too late. Before you could pull him back, Joel’s boot landed on a stick, snapping it in two. The sound bounced off the trees—a terrifying stillness accompanying it, and for a moment you thought maybe you both got lucky. Maybe it didn’t hear.

Until it screeched, whipping around to see you and him standing there, guns at the ready.

Joel loaded his shotgun, pointing it at the runner, but it launched its body at him, taking him to the ground in a tackle. You heard Joel shout, his arm slamming against the thing’s throat to block a bite. Only you knew that wouldn’t work. Grabbing the fallen gun, you pointed it quickly, took the best aim you could, and pulled the trigger. It went off with a loud bang, blood splattering on the dirty floor. The gun slammed into your shoulder, nearly toppling you over, but you held steady as Joel pushed himself free. His head falling to the forest floor.

While he caught his breath, you surveyed the area for signs of more of them. But the forest remained silent. You must not be far from a city or town for one of those things to find you all the way out here. Thankfully it was only a runner and not something far worse. You’d heard the stories, knew what else resided in the darkness, and hoped that you’d never have to meet it.

“Not bad Boston,” he rasped.

You shrugged. “I had a good teacher,” you said, offering your hand to pull him up. He groaned as he stood, wiping the leaves off his pants. “Hey Joel.”

His eyes met yours—a flash of something you guessed to be concern going through them. “Yeah?”

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

For the first time in days you saw his lips pull up into a smile, his laugh hitting your ears and sending that familiar and welcome heat through your body. 

“Good idea,” he replied, taking the shotgun back.

This time, you took the lead. Heading further into the trees with him following close behind. The sun continued to rise in the distance, morning finally greeting what remained of the world. All the while your brain replayed his laugh, the sound deep and raspy just like his voice, yet…more. You found that you wanted to hear him laugh again. Wanted to know what he sounded like when he was happy, but that you’d probably never get to witness it again.

Maybe in another life, you reasoned to yourself and that thought alone was good enough for you.

For now.

[yutaholic]

codename: monster (M)

PAIRING: Jeno (NCT) + reader (female)

SUMMARY: your life is nothing short of idyllic. you have a perfect house, a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. there’s just one rule - never ask Jeno what he does for a living...

WARNINGS: mild language; recurring dialogue related to pregnancy and baby making; explicit sexual content

NOTES: 11k words; this is part of my villain series, beast mode

You were not a curious person. After all, curiosity killed the cat.

Growing up in Hel, you knew the best way to survive in the world’s most dangerous city was to keep your head down and never make waves.

It also helped to have a powerful husband.

Living in a penthouse apartment high above, you often watched the sunset from the wall of windows in your living room. Hel, despite its penchant for evil and debauchery, was stunning when transitioning from day into night.

But when night fell, you were not to leave the house. Ever. Though she was at her most beautiful, Hel was deadly in the shroud of darkness.

The baby in your arms cooed. You bounced her a little, turning to her with a smile and kissing her cute nose. The two of you watched the city come alive as you did each night, millions of lights of vast colors filling the skyline. You loved how they sparkled in your daughter’s eyes.

A familiar set of beeps - that of someone entering the access code and disabling the security system - made you turn on your heels. Work had kept him later than usual tonight.

“Who is that?” you asked cutely. Juno was already wriggling in your arms. She knew that sound too.

The front door opened and Jeno walked in, locking up behind him before setting his keys and briefcase on the table. The buttons of his suit were open and his normally perfect tie was gone, no doubt tucked into his pocket because he couldn’t stand the damn thing for another second.

You gasped dramatically and said, “Is that Daddy?”

Your daughter was unglued, making a dizzying array of excited noises and jumping in your arms. It was only a matter of time before she was able to rush over to him on her own two feet. Your baby was growing so fast.

Jeno grinned the moment he laid eyes on his girls and marched over to you, taking Juno in his big hands and covering her face in kisses.

You smiled as he lifted her over his head with ease and brought her down to kiss her chubby cheeks over and over again. She was giggling and squealing all the while.

Jeno gave her another kiss before cradling her to his chest and meeting your eyes. He looped an arm around your waist and pulled you close, greeting, “Hello, beautiful.”

“Hi, handsome,” you said, leaning into your husband as he kissed you.

“How was your day?” Jeno asked, stealing another kiss.

“Perfect. How was yours?”

He grimaced a little. “Hard.”

You weren’t surprised given the late hour he had finally come home. “Oh…,” you hummed softly. Then, a wry smirk played at your lips. “I’ll make it better.”

Jeno chuckled darkly. “I’m sure you will.”

You practically melted when he kissed the corner of your mouth.

Jeno carried the baby into the kitchen and set her carefully into the high chair. You had dinner hot and ready, as you always did. It was the least you could do, considering how hard he worked. Jeno would try to feed Juno whilst eating his own meal, only for you to fuss at him that his food was getting cold because he was so distracted by every little cute thing she did. 

Juno loved when he pretended the spoon was an airplane and Jeno loved spending every spare minute with her. You would find yourself staring at them, wondering how you had been so lucky to find a man that was not only a great husband, but an amazing father.

Since you spent the days with Juno, you were happy to let them have the evenings together. Jeno, despite working all day, had plenty of energy left for his baby girl (and for you after she went to sleep). He cleaned her up after dinner, read her a story or two, and tucked her into bed with one final kiss to her brow, not leaving her side until his daughter was sound asleep.

After tidying up the kitchen, you took a seat on the couch and relaxed until Jeno finally joined you. He sat down and grabbed your legs, draping them over his lap, and said, “Thank you.”

You tilted your head. “For what?”

His eyes were full of stars. “She’s a wonder.”

You smiled from ear to ear, warmth spilling into your chest from your heart. “She’s pretty great, isn’t she?”

“The best.”

You took his hand from your thigh and brought it to your lips to kiss across his knuckles, affectionate. “Thank you for giving her to me,” you told him softly. “And for giving us this life.”

Jeno leaned in to kiss you. “You’re welcome.”

You slipped your arms around his shoulders, tugging him close as you met him the rest of the way, sealing your lips to his. After all these years, he was still the only person you desired in the whole world. The only one who ever made your heart flutter and race.

Jeno could kiss you for hours. His hands kneaded at your hips and roamed around your waist. You were so warm and soft beneath his fingertips, fitting perfectly against him. A tiny groan rumbled in his chest when you darted your tongue into his mouth.

You broke from the kiss, blinking to clear the daze in your eyes, and giggled at the distant look on Jeno’s face like he was just shy of heaven. “I’ve been thinking,” you started.

“About what?”

“She’ll be a year old soon.”

Jeno pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he’d just gotten a sudden headache, and whined, “God, she’s growing so fast.”

You nestled deeper into his lap. “I think maybe it’s time we…,” you trailed, biting your lip. “Gave her a little brother.”

Jeno’s gaze flickered and he arched a brow. “Yeah?”

You nodded.

Fire and lust consumed him in the blink of an eye. You could see the familiar change in his expression and it made your pulse pick up speed. Jeno glanced down at your body in his lap and brushed his fingers over your bare knee.

“You’re ready?”

You nodded again. “I am.”

Jeno tightened his arms around you and brushed his lips over your jaw. “Are you asking me to fuck you raw?”

You sucked in a breath when he kissed over your racing pulse. “Yes.”

His voice dropped to a husky growl. “Are you asking me to come inside you?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, tipping your head back as he nibbled the base of your throat.

Jeno gathered you in his arms and hoisted you up with him, popping your legs around his waist. You clung to his shoulders and trailed impatient kisses up his thick neck, winding your fingers into his hair.

Your heartbeat traveled down between your legs. He made you feel like a creature of need and passion, like it was all you were capable of when you were with him.

Jeno lowered you to the bed and draped himself over you. He kissed you deeply, touching the most intimate parts of you with his rough hands. He parted from your lips just long enough to groan, “Fuck, I can’t wait to see you carrying my baby again.”

You hummed, because your voice wouldn’t work. Your face was hot and your mouth watered. He turned you on to the point of madness. Especially when he took off his shirt and you got to feast your eyes on his perfect form, running your fingers over his chiseled abs and chest.

Jeno kissed his way down your body, over your clothes, and dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed. He hurriedly stripped you out of your pants, kissing and nibbling at your sex over your underwear before finally taking them off and tonguing between your folds.

There was something about such a powerful man getting on his knees for you that made you lose what was left of your goddamn mind.

You moaned and pressed your hands into his bulging biceps, his arms hooked around your thighs. Your breaths came faster and louder as he swept his tongue in circles around your clit, stopping only to pump his tongue into your dripping cunt.

Jeno met your eyes and said, “Get naked,” before burying his face back in your pussy.

You tugged off your shirt, but you hesitated at your bra, ever reminded of your breasts that were big and swollen with milk.

“Bra off,” Jeno commanded, biting the inside of your thigh for effect. He was all too familiar with your hesitation. Your husband had loved watching your body change to grow and nurture his baby, and absolutely despised society for telling you to be insecure about it.

Jeno never told you, but he was surrounded by men that openly bragged about fucking their side pieces after their wives had given them children, and he loathed them for it. He’d been there through every minute of your pregnancy, was at your side for the birth of your beautiful baby girl, and knew he would love no woman but you for as long as he lived.

The disrespect made his blood boil and he converted that rage into fuel where you were concerned. If he had to worship your body every single night until you loved yourself as much as he loved you, then that’s exactly what Jeno was going to do.

You hummed when Jeno took your hands in his, lacing his fingers through yours, and brought them to your breasts. He kissed and sucked at your clit, smirking when you clamped your thighs on his head. You started making more noise, turning your head and trying to keep the sounds at bay.

Jeno flicked his tongue over your bundle of nerves, still gripping your hands and your breasts, anchoring you to him and him to you. He smirked at your body undulating beneath him, hips bucking into his mouth then shying away when the stimulation on your clit became too much.

“Jeno,” you stammered out breathlessly, lifting your head before dropping it back on the mattress. “I don’t wanna come yet. Please, baby.”

“Hm?” Jeno mumbled, lapping at your perfect pussy. He fucking loved the taste of you. His and only his. “You don’t wanna come?”

“Not until you’re inside me,” you told him, squeezing his hands. “I wanna come with you.”

Jeno chuckled against your folds, pressing wet kisses to the inside of your thigh in reward. “That’s my good girl,” he growled, sinking his teeth into your flesh. “Only wants to come on my cock when I put a baby in her.”

You nodded, a whine escaping you when he kept tonguing at your folds. Then, you breathed out in relief when he released your hands and stood up at the edge of the bed between your raised legs.

The relief was short-lived, because Jeno teased his hands over your sensitive breasts before reaching between your thighs, two fingers slipping into your cunt while his other hand focused on your clit.

Your eyes widened and you gaped at him, lips parted.

Jeno cocked his head innocently, pumping his fingers in and out of your pussy and rubbing your clit with his thumb. He had your body down to a science and he was very much an expert. “Tell me when you’re right there, baby,” he crooned.

“Fuck,” you moaned, fisting your hands in the blankets beneath you and arching back into the mattress. He was so good at dragging you to the edge and throwing you into one hard orgasm after another. Your pleasure was his pleasure and Jeno wasn’t satisfied unless you were making the neighbors very familiar with his name.

Of course, with the addition of your baby girl, you’d learned to be quiet. And the neighbors were eternally grateful. Though hearing people have sex was the least of one’s worries when living in a city filled to the brim with villains.

Regardless, Jeno would settle for nothing less than your toes curling and your body shaking with what he could do to you.

You always caught yourself wondering how you had been so lucky to find a man that loved you with every inch of his soul. A man that would move heaven and earth to make sure you and your daughter never went without. When asked about his life by others, Jeno never said, “I.” He always said, “We.” And you would just smile at him.

There was no him without you. You were his everything. And he was yours.

“I love you,” you rasped, moaning his name as Jeno worked you to orgasm with his hands.

“I love you more,” Jeno said, withdrawing his fingers when he recognized you at the edge of climax. He propped himself over you and crashed his lips on yours, and you wrapped your arms and legs around him.

Things were a little different since having the baby. Jeno had to prep you more because you were still nursing. Your husband had known the weeks of recovery without sex were harder for you than him, because you missed the intimacy of being entangled with him. And he rewarded your patience with his tongue between your legs every time.

Since then, he’d been wearing condoms until you decided if you wanted another baby or to go on birth control again. Jeno licked his lips at the thought. This would be the first time he could take you without any barriers between your bodies since you were pregnant with Juno. And the memory, no matter how brief it was, of gently making love to you while you were swollen with his baby made Jeno’s cock twitch.

Was it possible to become more in love with someone? Jeno could never wrap his head around it. He fell in love with you all over again when Juno was born, but there were days he felt his love for you grow even more at the smallest of gestures. Like when you soothed him back to sleep after a nightmare. Or the times you nursed him back to health.

Who was Jeno kidding? There were days the mere sight of you smiling at him with that beautiful baby in your arms made him head over heels again.

“Hands and knees,” Jeno ordered, shoving his pants and boxers down around his ankles before kicking them off the rest of the way. His hard cock twitched again at the glistening of your folds and how badly he wanted to slide inside you, raw for the first time in months.

You rolled over eagerly and propped into position, wiggling your ass from side to side in the hopes of enticing him. With the idea of him putting another baby in you, you could feel your walls tightening on nothing, desperate to be filled again.

Jeno slapped his hand on your perfect ass, sending a loud smack through the room followed by a squeak of surprise from you. Though you weren’t totally surprised given your current position. Your husband smoothed his palm over the sting, then teased his fingers between your slit.

“Jeno, please,” you whined like a bitch in heat. “Fuck me, baby.”

Jeno reeled his hand back and gave your sex a firm slap. “Don’t speak again until spoken to.”

You nodded your compliance, shuddering. His dominance did unspeakable things to you.

Jeno grabbed your hips and raked his big cock between your folds, gathering your juices. You fought back a moan until it was a pitiful whine in the back of your throat. He had all the patience in the world while you had none. Jeno let saliva spill from his lips and land on his length, slicking himself up even more.

You gripped the blanket in your fists and cried out when he finally penetrated you, working himself inside until you opened up for him.

“Mm, fuck. That’s my good girl,” Jeno rasped, sucking in a breath through his teeth. “Goddamn. How does it feel?”

The sound you made was pure pleasure. “I missed this.”

Jeno bent over you, caressing your breasts, and whispered, “You missed that raw dick. Didn’t you, baby?”

You arched into his chest, lilting your hips back to take more of him in. And that was answer enough. Your husband smirked at you so eagerly working yourself on his cock.

Jeno pinched your hips and brought you down to meet his thrusts, stroking into you at a pace that had you reeling. The bed creaked with his motions and Jeno toned it down only a little, mindful of the sleeping baby in the next room.

“Fuck,” you cried out, stammering your husband’s name. He was deep in the pit of your stomach. And the things he said while he pounded into you were absolutely filthy.

“Mm,” Jeno hissed, drawing you up, his chest against your shoulders. He coiled his arms around you and cupped your breasts in his hands, kissing his way up the side of your neck. “I’m not gonna last long in this tight pussy.”

You chuckled smugly. “Then, don’t.” He’d brought you so close to orgasm with his tongue and fingers. It was obvious why.

The wet clap of your bodies meeting echoed in the bedroom. Jeno shoved you back to the mattress, pinning his hand to the nape of your neck and slamming his hips into your ass. His eyes rolled back. You were so warm and wet, your walls fluttering around him snug each time he thrust in like your body couldn't get enough of his big cock stuffing you full.

“I’m coming,” you whimpered, lips parted. A moan followed your every breath. “Jeno, please. Don’t stop.”

Jeno had no intention of stopping or even slowing down. His body was running on instinct and need. You kept your hips raised in the air, taking every last inch of him, begging him to fuck you like only he could.

Only he fit inside you so perfectly. You were made for each other.

Jeno clenched his jaw, holding his climax at bay, and got a solid grip on your hips to throttle his cock inside you. He could feel you tensing and squirming, on the verge. “Come for me," he said, and it was not a request.

Your entire body spasmed and clenched. You opened your mouth, but no sound came out as orgasm ripped violently through you. Through the ringing in your ears, you could hear your husband coaxing you down, praising you as he always did.

It wasn't until you went slack that Jeno stopped, keeping himself deep inside you and smoothing his hands over your waist. Your cunt kneaded his cock, dripping with your release.

You turned your head and met his kisses, whispering, "Please. Come in me." Reaching back, you grabbed your husband's hands and grinded yourself onto his stiff cock. "Make me take all of it."

Jeno steered you onto your back and hooked your legs in his arms, pressing you into the mattress beneath his weight. “Fuck, baby," he hissed through his teeth. Your body was too much. "You get me so fucking hard.”

You moaned. He didn’t let up for a second, snapping his hips into yours, plunging his cock into your swollen cunt.

“You’re gonna make me come,” he warned, voice strained.

Fisting a handful of his hair, you purred, “And you’re gonna give me a baby.”

That got him. Jeno released into you with a mangled groan, body shuddering against yours as he painted your insides with his load.

You smoothed your hands down his chest and across his back, coaxing him through it. Arching your hips a little to milk every last drop and prolong his ecstasy, you bit your lip to fight a grin that you and only you got to see him like this.

Jeno slumped onto you, burying his face in your neck. You owned him.

You were content to just lay there with him on top of you, still inside you, and ran your fingers up and down his back, feeling the stress and tension leave him with every passing second in your arms.

Eventually, the two of you cleaned up and got ready for bed. Jeno tucked his body around yours after stealing a scalding hot kiss. “Did I hurt you?” he asked a little worriedly.

You shook your head, lashes fluttering. You could barely keep your eyes open, because both your body and your heart were satisfied. Your husband flexed his arm around you and pressed one last kiss to your temple before settling down at last and drifting off.

Needless to say, you slept like a baby, as you always did in Jeno’s arms. It was hard to explain, but you felt like a princess in the lap of a fire-breathing dragon. And there was no safer place in the world than in a dragon’s clutches.

The next morning, you woke to the usual routine. You nursed your daughter (ever grateful that she had reached the stage where she slept through the night) and prepared coffee and breakfast for Jeno. Though you offered to make him lunch to take with him, Jeno insisted on eating at work, saying you already had your hands full with the baby.

Cooking homemade meals for your husband was your love language and he always showered you with appreciation and gratitude for it. He had a voracious appetite - in more ways than one - and you loved satisfying them all.

As you balanced Juno on your hip, you fought a smirk at the ache between your thighs still lingering. You wondered how long before your stomach started to swell. The thought of being pregnant again excited you. Both you and Jeno had siblings, and you wanted the same for your daughter.

Juno was a little disheveled from such a good night’s rest and a full belly of milk, and clung to you with her head on your shoulder, which did nothing but melt you on the spot. She watched you make breakfast and you narrated everything you were doing to her in your softest voice.

Jeno walked out of the bedroom, tying his tie and mumbling under his breath the list of things he needed to get done at the office.

You licked your lips. Seeing that man in his tailored suits made you want to jump him then and there. For the sake of the baby on your hip and the big plate of breakfast that would get cold, you did not. “Hi, Daddy,” you greeted playfully.

Jeno shot you a knowing look with a smirk and pressed a kiss to your lips before stealing the baby from your arms. “Good morning, Juno. Did you sleep well?”

Juno, at this stage, could only make her adorable baby sounds. And the occasional Mama or Dada.

Jeno always pretended to understand her perfectly and responded, “That’s good. Are you helping Mama make breakfast?”

You handed Jeno his mug of hot coffee, which he took with a thank you.

“Alright, my girls,” Jeno said after finishing his breakfast, leaving kisses on you and your daughter’s cheeks. “I’m off to work. Behave yourselves.”

You giggled when his hand reached down to give your ass a squeeze.

Jeno turned and met your eyes, speaking for your ears only, “Don’t worry over last night. It will happen when it happens.”

You nodded. He knew you too well. “I’m excited,” you whispered with a smile.

“Me, too. You’re an amazing mom.”

You flushed, rising to your tiptoes to kiss him one more time.

Jeno left and you carried Juno into the bedroom so the two of you could get dressed to go to the store. It was errands day and you liked to get started early in the morning while most of the villains caught up on sleep from a night of chaos.

At the supermarket, you kept your baby girl in a koala carrier tucked closely to your chest. It may have seemed excessive to everyone else, but not to you. She was your whole world.

“Alright, Juno,” you said, pushing the cart in front of you. “What should we make Daddy for dinner tonight?”

She peered up at you curiously, as if she really wanted to help.

“How about stew? You both love that.”

Juno made no sound of agreement, but kept looking around at the endless items on the racks.

You weren’t surprised she didn’t sound off on the suggestion. Though for the past few months she’d been showing more interest in foods, your daughter preferred milk for the most part. Jeno was making a point of letting her taste almost everything he had to eat. Her favorite snack was mashed up bananas thus far.

With that in mind, you stopped and grabbed a few more jars of baby food, wanting her to at least try every flavor. She didn’t like baby food much, with most of it rolling down her chin as she subtly pushed it out of her mouth with her tongue. Still, you were fixated on making sure your daughter got all the nutrition she needed.

Juno cooed loudly and stared up at you with her big beautiful eyes. Her father’s eyes. You leaned your head down to nuzzle her nose with your own, making her squeal with delight. It was unreal how much love you had for this tiny human.

Your trek through the supermarket continued, mundane as ever. Until things kept appearing in your cart that you hadn’t grabbed.

Brows furrowed, you walked around to the side of the cart and grabbed a box of fruit snacks. Weird, you thought, circling a few steps to put them back. There was no way you had thrown those into the cart. Neither you or Jeno liked fruit snacks and Juno couldn’t properly chew them yet.

Down the next aisle, you grabbed a loaf of bread and when you turned around, a box of pastries was in the cart. Okay, you definitely didn’t get those. Returning them to the empty space on the shelf, you glanced around, your arms cradling the baby tucked to your chest.

“That’s enough shopping for today,” you told your daughter.

She simply looked up at you, having no clue as to what was going on.

You paid for your groceries and loaded them into the back of your SUV. Then, you buckled your baby into her carseat and headed home.

For whatever reason, you couldn’t shake the thought from your head that maybe you were imagining things or possibly going crazy. Thanks to your husband, you didn’t exactly get a full night’s sleep, but you weren’t complaining in the least about that.

Maybe you were overtired. Exhaustion was obviously common among parents with babies.

Back in the safety of your penthouse apartment, you went about your day as normal. When you got pregnant with your daughter, Jeno offered to be the sole breadwinner and let you be a stay at home mom for as long as you wanted, and you eagerly took him up on the offer. You loved being a mom and raising your baby.

Though she was still very young, you spent an hour or so every day working with her on the alphabet. You could tell Juno was smart; she already tried to follow along when you or Jeno read to her.

“J-U-N-O,” you spelled aloud, moving the letter blocks in front of her. “That spells Juno.”

Juno made her cute little noises, her chunky hands grabbing at the blocks.

You left her there on the living room floor for just a moment, stepping into the kitchen to turn off the beeping toaster oven. You’d almost forgotten you were making yourself a bagel. She was such a precious distraction.

When you walked back over to your daughter, you dropped your plate and it shattered into pieces on the floor.

Juno was looking aloft and the four blocks that spelled her name were hovering in a perfect crescent in the air. Then, the moment your plate crashed to the floor, your daughter turned abruptly and the blocks fell before her.

You blinked rapidly. Had you really just seen that?

No, no, no. Your heart sank deeper into your chest. Absolutely not. Your daughter couldn’t have powers. Neither you or Jeno had powers and it took at least one parent to pass them on.

Tears gathered in your eyes. Villains would come looking. Even worse, heroes would come knocking, trying to recruit her.

Or wanting to steal her.

You rushed over and scooped up your baby, the tears running down your cheeks. Juno was unnerved to say the least and she started whimpering, face tensing with sadness and fear at your reaction.

“It’s okay, baby,” you told her soothingly, pulling your phone from your pocket. “I’m gonna call Daddy.”

The phone rang twice and your husband answered with a bemused, “Hello?”

You never called him at work. Not unless it was an emergency, and to date, you hadn't had one before. “Jeno, come home.”

“Baby, I’m working,” he told you a little curtly. Probably because he assumed you were in the mood to try and make a baby with him again.

“Now,” you snapped.

Jeno paused. Never had you taken a tone like that with him and he was downright shocked. “I’m on my way,” he said, hanging up.

You sat on the couch with your daughter in your lap, bouncing your legs up and down with anxiety. Juno seemed none the wiser, content to crawl on you like you were her personal playground.

When you heard the front door beeping, you set your daughter down between her blocks and stood over her, eyes on the door.

Jeno came in and marched over briskly. His eyes were full of panic as he searched you and his child for distress. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Your daughter,” you started, pinching your lips together before turning back to the baby sitting at your feet. When she looked up and met your eyes with a little smile, you said, “Juno, baby, show Daddy your trick.”

Your child glanced between you and her father. You could see the gears turning in her head. Then, one by one, she made the blocks hover in the air. This time, she even gave them a little spin.

Jeno watched with no expression on his face as she juggled the blocks with her mind, making them turn in a perfect circle above her head. Growing bored, Juno ultimately commanded the blocks back down to the floor and gave her father an excited giggle, proud of what she had done as if it was the most normal achievement in the world.

You inched toward Jeno, hiding the sheer wrath and terror coursing through your body, and spoke quietly, “She’s a year old and moving blocks without lifting a finger. What will she be controlling at five or ten?”

Jeno said nothing. His eyes were locked to his daughter and she was staring back at him just as fiercely. A silent understanding passed between them. Power recognized power.

You were tearing apart at the seams and the silence only expedited the process. “Jeno…,” you called.

“I heard you.”

“Then, fucking say something,” you hissed at him under your breath. Anger was slowly but surely working its way up your spine.

Jeno said the last thing you expected. “She’s gifted.”

“That’s not a gift. It’s a curse.”

Jeno recoiled like he’d been slapped and rounded on you, stern. “Don’t say that in front of my daughter.”

You braced a hand on his chest and moved him a few feet away with you, making your lowered voices harder to hear for your child. “Do you know what kind of people will target her for this? People will try to take her from us!"

Jeno realized that was what you were worried about and replied levelly, “They would never get past me and you know it.”

You bit your lip. “Jeno,” you started, hesitating. “Are you…”

He visibly tensed before you. “We made a promise. You swore you would never ask me.”

There was only one rule in your relationship with Jeno - never ask what he did for work. Because, as he said, he would tell you. He was honest and couldn’t lie to you. So he chose to lie by omission. If you asked and he told you, you would have dangerous knowledge and in this city, knowledge could get anyone killed.

Shivering with tears, you whimpered, “What am I supposed to do?”

Jeno studied his daughter from the across the room, his chest filling with pride. “Nothing. Life will go on as normal. I will teach her to control it.”

You devolved into tears, hiding your face in your hands. It hurt that you were scared out of your mind and he didn’t seem the least bit bothered. You felt alone and vulnerable, like only you saw and feared the danger.

Jeno softened and gathered you in his arms. “Shh, baby. It’s okay. Come here. It’s alright.”

You choked on a sob. “Don’t let anyone hurt my baby.”

Jeno held you flush against him tightly, kissing your temple and soothing his hands down your back. “I won’t.”

“I don’t care what you are. Just don’t let anyone take her from me.”

That had your husband’s attention. You needed some consolation and reassurance. Jeno took your face in his hands, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “Look at me,” he said firmly. “Look me in the eyes.”

You did.

Jeno’s voice dropped to a low growl. “Whatever monster you can imagine in your head, I am much, much worse. Do you understand?”

You blinked, making more tears cascade down your cheeks, and nodded slowly. A shiver coursed through you. You would remember those words for as long as you lived.

That night, you stood before the mirror in the bathroom and brushed your hair. Having slipped into your favorite oversized tee of Jeno’s to sleep in, you cleaned off your makeup and washed your face.

Jeno was putting Juno to bed, reading her a story no doubt. You wondered what was going through his mind. He stayed home the rest of the afternoon, calling out of work and citing family issues. Juno didn’t exert any of her power again, almost like she sensed the watchful gazes on her.

There was nothing else to be done in this situation. Your daughter had powers, like so many in this city. They went on to become villains or heroes, ever in a duel for control of Hel.

That was a lie. Everyone knew villains were the true masters of the land.

Giving yourself one last scan in the mirror, you weren’t surprised when Jeno came up behind you, smirking like the devil himself, and smoothed his hands around your waist.

“You wanna make a baby?” Jeno asked softly, his breath hot on your neck. He hiked up your shirt, recognizing it as one of his, and palmed your bare skin.

You frowned and turned in his arms to face him. “You could have told me.”

Jeno sighed. “I know.”

“Any baby I give you will have powers. Won’t they?”

Jeno bobbed his head and then shrugged, quipping, “I guess my gene is dominant.”

You smarted, “Just like the rest of you.”

Jeno chuckled.

Damn it, you could never stay mad at him. Leaning back against the counter, hands gripping the edge, you watched him raking his eyes down your body and kneading your hips in his big, powerful hands. No one ever made you feel wanted and loved like Jeno. You would give him your body, your heart and your soul.

At this point, you already had.

Jeno felt your anger dissipating, no matter how warranted it was, and leaned in to trail his lips up your neck. “Tell me what you want,” Jeno whispered, nipping beneath your ear. “I’ll do whatever you want. All you have to do is ask me.”

That sent a shudder through you. You knew he would give you the moon if you asked. Draping your arms across his shoulders, you told him, “I want to have another baby.”

“Alright. I’ll give you one.”

Jeno fucked you there, right over the bathroom sink. He slapped his hips into your ass from behind, keeping a hand around your throat to make sure you never looked away from your reflection in the mirror as he told you again and again how beautiful you were to him. How he would never love anyone but you for as long as he lived.

Release made your knees buckle and Jeno carried you through it, whispering the sweetest nothings in your ear and holding you to him as you shuddered and cried out his name.

There was one last loud slap of your bodies meeting when Jeno stopped and filled you with his seed, his breaths staggering at the way your walls kneaded his cock through orgasm.

Satisfied, your husband slipped his length from your folds, scooped you up into his arms and carried you to the bed. When he set you down on your back, you carded your fingers into his hair and made him look at you.

“You have to promise me,” you whispered, staring up at him with unshed tears in your eyes. “Swear on any gods you or I believe in that you will protect them.”

Jeno spoke like he was committing the most sacred of vows, “The only god I believe in is you and I swear to you, our children will never know fear.”

You blinked. The weight that had been sitting on your shoulders fled at that moment. You could breathe again. “I don’t care what side you are on. Hero or villain, I don’t care. Just as long as you use whatever gift you have to protect my babies.”

“And you.”

You smiled faintly. “And me.”

Jeno propped himself over you and brushed his lips against yours. “Do you trust me?”

“You are the only person I trust in the whole world,” you replied without missing a beat.

“Till the day I die, I belong only to you. I will burn this city to the ground if it ever crosses you.”

You brought him down for a kiss, tightening your legs around his waist.

Jeno took the next day off from work and told you to sleep in. There were bottles of milk in the fridge that you had pumped and knew Juno was in his perfectly capable hands. You stayed in bed until noon, resting your body and your mind in the hopes of conceiving another baby with him.

And for your own sake, you definitely needed that rest.

When you stepped out into the living room, you were surprised to see a person you didn’t recognize sitting on the couch, but your attention flew to Juno.

Jeno glanced up, noticing you come out, and exclaimed, “Mama, are you watching?”

Your heart was about to burst.

Juno was walking. Well, more or less, she was walking with Jeno’s hands gripping her sides to keep her stable. Juno looked to you, her mouth open with the biggest grin she could make.

“We’ve been practicing all morning to show you,” Jeno said, sweeping Juno into his arms and drowning her in kisses all over her face, making your daughter giggle loudly.

You approached them, taking Juno when your husband held her out to you. He knew you would want to hold her the moment you woke up.

“This is Yuta,” he said, motioning to the man sitting on the couch, who had been watching with a smile.

You acknowledged him. “Hi, Yuta.”

“He has experience with… gifted offspring.”

That had your attention. You raised a brow. “Does he?”

Yuta got to his feet and nodded. “Your daughter is very special.”

You looked at Juno in wonder and kissed her cheek. “I know she is.”

Both Yuta and Jeno chortled.

You sombered, turning back to them, and asked, “What do I need to know?”

“Allow her to express her power,” Yuta replied, surprising you. “The more you stifle it, the more it can grow out of her control. But also set boundaries. She needs to know there are consequences for destructive behaviors. For a normal child, the consequences are less serious, but for children like ours, they can be life and death.”

You looked to your baby, who seemed particularly thrilled at being the center of attention if her wide beaming smile was any indication. Jeno was staring at her with nothing short of adoration and reached over to stroke his finger across her cheek.

“Seems so simple and yet so impossible at the same time,” you droned, mostly to yourself.

Yuta continued, “As for the whole hero versus villain argument, let your kid decide for herself which path she wishes to follow. You may find that trying to force her down one road will drive her into the other.”

Those words rang out in your chest and you took them to heart. Your baby deserved freedom to choose and you would make sure of that. Nodding, you gave him a grateful smile and said, “Thank you, Yuta.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jeno walked him out, leaving you with your daughter. You pressed a reassuring kiss to her face and then another, making her coo and grab at you with her hands. Sighing contentedly, you let Juno hold your cheeks between her palms and press a cute kiss to your nose.

Things were a little tense between you and your husband. Understandably so. You could already sense there would be some disagreement. You avoided him a bit, tucking your daughter in for her nap before you decided to talk to him. That way she would be out of earshot.

Jeno came into the nursery, leaning against the doorway as he watched you rub Juno’s back, speaking in that soothing voice of yours, lulling her to sleep.

The moment you closed the door quietly behind you, you asked, “You called in an expert?”

Jeno nodded. “I needed advice and he’s someone I trust completely.”

If Jeno trusted him, then you did too. He never brought people around your daughter except family, which meant Yuta would really have to be held in high regard to be allowed anywhere near your child.

You followed Jeno out to the living room, noting how heavily he dropped onto the couch like the weight of the world sat squarely on his broad shoulders. It was a heavy responsibility, having such a powerful child.

Taking the spot next to him, you molded yourself to his side and brushed his dark hair back with your fingers. “What’s on your mind? Tell me what you’re thinking. Please,” you whispered softly.

Jeno exhaled loudly through his nose. He stared off into the distance. “I’ve tried very hard to hide that part of my life from you.”

“I know and I’m grateful to you for that.”

Jeno ran a hand down his face and said, “Ignorance is bliss. That is what I wanted for you, for our family. I’d hoped and prayed she wouldn’t be like me, but she is.”

You couldn’t resist anymore and so you asked, “You’re a villain. Aren’t you?”

Jeno slowly nodded.

You leaned even more into him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, and comforted when he drew you in and smoothed his hand over your thigh. “Deep down, I always knew.”

“I can’t hide her forever,” Jeno said firmly, finding his resolve. “I have to train her in our ways.”

You blinked in surprise, flinching at the thought. “You want to train her to be a villain?”

“Yes.”

“But… Yuta said to let her choose her own path. She could be a hero,” you reminded him, pulling back a little.

Jeno clenched his jaw and snapped, “My daughter will never be a hero. There is no future for them in this place. They either die as martyrs for a corrupt, abusive system or they die for their selfish sense of justice or savior complex.”

“Jeno…,” you began. This conversation was unnerving you. All your hopes and dreams for a normal life for your daughter - the life you never got to have - were crushed. You imagined a powerful being ruling Hel with an iron fist. Constantly pursued. Endlessly challenged.

So many would want her dead.

Your husband locked his eyes with yours, staring you down. “I won’t allow it. My daughter will never be a pawn in someone else’s games.”

Your lips quivered and your voice shook, because you were on the verge of tears again. “Why can’t she just be a child?”

“She’s too powerful,” Jeno said, then he hung his head. “Like me.”

You clambered out of his lap and turned away, covering your face as tears ran down your cheeks. For a moment, you hated the love of your life, hated him for giving your baby girl his curse and condemning her to a life of villainy and destruction.

It didn’t matter if she became a hero or a villain, she was still your child and you would defend her with your life. Even if she became the most hated enemy of the entire world, the world would have to get through you to reach her.

But your daughter’s childhood was being stolen away right in front of your eyes. She wouldn’t be able to play with other children at risk of hurting them. Would she even be able to go to preschool when the time came or would that be too dangerous?

All that isolation and fear would warp her into something she was never meant to be. Juno was a smiley, happy baby. The day you watched her joy turn to hate would be the day your heart died.

You could never let her become like you.

Jeno reached for you worriedly. He had to remind himself that while he saw his daughter as a perfect, powerful creature, you viewed her as the most fragile glass that could crack at even the slightest touch.

“This won’t happen for many years,” Jeno consoled, wiping your cheeks with his gentle hands. “Of course, she’s a child now. She will have a happy childhood, unlike us, but one day, she will understand what she is capable of and I want her to be strong. I want no one to be able to manipulate her.”

That last part, you could hear a bite in his tone. Something bitter and pained. Sniffling, you asked, “Is that what happened to you?”

Jeno startled. “What?”

“Did someone manipulate you, Jeno?”

Your husband was blank. There was something churning beneath the surface of him, something he had gone to great lengths to hide and keep buried. He stood abruptly, shaken, and said, “I need to go.”

You could hardly believe your eyes, leaping up and watching him stomp for the front door. “Where are you going?” you called after him.

“Out!”

You jolted in place as he slammed the door behind him with enough force it came clean off the hinges and clattered to the floor in pieces.

To say you were furious would be an understatement. Clearly, you had struck a nerve, but you were going to pick that chord until you learned what song it made. The song that could ultimately decide your daughter’s future.

Ignoring the broken door, you went into the nursery and packed Juno’s bag. You gathered your sleeping baby in your arms, apologizing for waking her when she fussed, but the moment she was in the carseat with your SUV cruising smoothly down the streets, she fell right back to sleep.

It was the first time you had ever gone to Jeno’s work. You were under strict instructions never to go there. Nevertheless, Jeno had pointed the building out to you before. Just in case.

The place was rather unassuming, not like the massive skyscrapers that reached the clouds. Whatever type of business was run there, you didn’t know. All you knew was Jeno made substantial money and was a top employee, able to take time off whenever he desired.

You almost laughed. This was the last place you expected to serve as a den for villains. But everywhere you looked in Hel, villains made their mark. Some preferred to work in the dark or where you least expected. Easier to avoid heroes that way perhaps, but most villains didn’t give a damn about fighting it out with heroes. The news was always abuzz with a new battle and the damage that followed.

Ignorance is bliss. You kept hearing those words in your husband’s voice in your head. You weren’t naïve. You had known the safe, luxurious life your husband provided for you and your child came at a cost. But you never questioned it.

You had been through hell. You were willing to overlook things so long as your daughter never had to walk in your shoes.

Today, you would pry. Juno would have what you couldn’t. She would be all that you weren’t. You would make any sacrifice for that without hesitation.

“Mr. Lee, your wife is here,” said the assistant nervously.

Jeno gawked when you walked into his office and exclaimed, “What the hell are you doing here?”

After locking the door behind you, you took off your coat nonchalantly and hung it up on the rack in the corner before answering, “I followed you.”

“Where is Juno?” Jeno asked. One of the few times you had seen him truly afraid.

You marched over to him and said, “She’s with your mother. I’m assuming one or both of your parents have powers to protect her with.”

Jeno nodded, shutting his mouth at that.

You put your hands on your hips and glanced around. The office was dark and minimal. There were no windows to be seen. Jeno was sitting on a brown leather sofa with his legs stretched out. His jacket was thrown carelessly to the floor and he sported only a white tee with his jeans. You could see every bit of the tension in his body.

He was at a breaking point.

You narrowed your eyes in a glare. “God, I’m so angry with you.”

Jeno’s gaze was on your legs. He refused to meet your eyes and that was very telling. “I know.”

“You made me forget who I am.”

Jeno blinked in surprise.

You chewed over your words before finally spitting them out, “Ever since I fell in love with you, I surrendered all of myself to you. It was easier that way. I gave you all the power, because you knew what to do with it.”

“Baby…,” Jeno started, peeking up at you. He couldn’t handle the fury on your beautiful face. It was a searing reminder that he’d failed. He failed at everything he’d set out to do.

To keep you safe. And to keep his baby from turning out like him.

You braced your hands on his shoulders and straddled his lap, earning your husband’s undivided attention. “I don’t have gifts like you or Juno, but I have a strength of my own. I’m a survivor, by any means necessary.”

Jeno forbade himself from getting aroused while this was a very serious and heavy moment, but the weight and warmth of you on his clothed cock was already too much. He figured that was intentional and why you had fucking mounted him the way you had. There was no choice but to submit himself to your mercy.

“You never have to worry about that,” he said roughly, resting his hands on your thighs. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”

You smiled down at him, brushing your fingers over his jaw and lips. “I know. That’s my point. I handed you my reins, but now I’m taking them back.”

Jeno’s brows stitched. “What do you mean?”

You grabbed him by the throat.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jeno rasped, wrapping his hand around your wrist. He could very easily pry you loose, but he didn’t. He liked how your fingers felt digging into his neck.

“You may rule this city, but I rule you,” you hissed, breath hot on his face.

Jeno groaned lowly in the back of his throat, resonating in his chest. His cock was half hard in his pants now, pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. Goddamnit.

You smirked at his pulse racing beneath your thumb and told him roughly, “You may have put her inside me, but I breathed life into her. She’s mine. And you will never raise her to be a villain.”

“It’s for her own safety.”

“No,” you shot back. “It’s for your own trauma and your own need for control.”

Jeno grit his teeth and shifted uncomfortably beneath you. You had figured him out easily.

Maybe because you recognized the same signs within yourself.

You released his throat and carded your fingers into his hair, tugging on the strands and making him meet your eyes. “She’s not us,” you whispered, softening. “She will make her own choices, her own mistakes. It is our job to guide her and protect her, not choose her paths for her.”

Something broke inside Jeno then. He loved you and that little girl so much it made his heart hurt. Tears threatened and he pursed his lips with contempt and emotion. “You don’t understand.”

“Yes, I do. I know there are things in your past that shaped you. Things you can’t even speak of. I have demons like that in my past too. They tried to kill me, but I’m still here.”

Jeno whimpered, “I can’t let her ever go through what I did.”

You smiled at him affectionately, your chest burning at the pain he was in. “Me neither. She will break both of our curses, Jeno. This pain ends with us.”

Jeno’s tears escaped and he wiped at them roughly with his hands.

You pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling Jeno embrace you jarringly fast, like he craved the connection with you to soothe his aching soul. “I love you,” you said, kissing the corner of his mouth.

Jeno said your name. “I love you more than anything in the world,” he breathed, then chuckled. “Except Juno. I’m sorry. She’s the only one that outranks you in my heart.”

You laughed, happy to see his humor breaking through all the tension, and assured him, “The feeling is mutual. And if we do happen to make another baby, they will outrank you as well.”

Jeno smirked, kneading your hips in his hands and looking down at your precarious position in his lap. He could feel the warmth of your folds on his cock despite the clothes in the way and he knew you were undoubtedly aware of the hard dick underneath you.

There was something to be said about the two of you airing out your worries and your pain. Jeno felt lighter, like he didn’t need to be carrying this anvil on his chest everywhere. You had broken it down with a few well-placed jabs. Sure, talking about his trauma and his fear was agonizing, but the pain was a necessary evil to healing.

“I kept thinking,” Jeno spoke up, smile fading. “If I locked you and her away, nothing could ever hurt you both.”

“I know. And I went along with it, because I had the same thought.”

Jeno let his head fall back. Validating his feelings sent a wave of relief crashing through him. He stared up at you in reverence, wondering what he had done to deserve someone that made him whole again. “What happened to you?” he asked gently.

You tilted your head, cradling his face and kissing him deeply. Then, you said, “I’ll never tell you, baby. Just like you’ll never tell me how you got your scars. I don’t want you to ever carry that knowledge.”

“If you tell me who hurt you, I will kill them.”

“I know that, because I would do the same for you.”

Jeno smiled.

You coaxed, “Let’s move on and heal together, Jeno. You and me.”

Your husband relaxed. He could never describe what your words and promises had done for him. Hope filled his chest. The thought that his daughter could go through life without being touched and shaped by evil like he had made more tears prick at his eyes.

Fighting them back so he could focus on you, Jeno said, “I’m sorry I broke the door.”

You snickered. “I forgive you.”

“I called the landlord. He’s fixing it.”

You nodded. At this point, you didn’t care. All you could think about was how badly you wanted him, because you loved him so much it was all-consuming.

Jeno licked his lips and asked coyly, “Should I book us a hotel room for the night?”

“Don’t bother,” you taunted, bracing your hands on his abs. “I’m gonna have you right here.”

Jeno’s eyes flickered, widening. His pupils dilated to bottomless wells of arousal.

You slotted your lips to his and kissed him hard, grinding down on his cock underneath you.

Jeno sucked in a breath between kisses, the warmth and weight of you was too much. He palmed at your hips before grabbing handfuls of your ass, squeezing.

You finally broke from the kiss and met your husband’s eyes, smirking at him with mischief written all over your face. You shivered at how he was looking at you; a mix of enraptured and cocky. The little smile tugging on his lips was like a challenge.

A challenge to replace it with something more... carnal.

You clambered off your husband’s lap and stood between his legs, pulling your shirt up and over your head. Jeno eyed your breasts barely held in the bra and leaned in, running his hands up and down your sides and kissing across your ribs. You were quick to shove him back by the shoulders and drop down to your knees.

Jeno took off his shirt as you started unfastening his pants, growling when you teased your lips and tongue down his happy trail. Your every touch was intoxicating, sending a shudder through his body.

You weren’t satisfied until his pants and boxers were wrapped around his ankles, and you fisted his hard cock in your hand the moment it sprang free. You held his shaft and teased your tongue along the veins, giggling when your husband let out a frustrated groan.

“Fuck,” he hissed, throwing his head back into the couch when you engulfed him in your warmth mouth, hollowing your cheeks and sucking mercilessly on his sensitive tip.

You held him at the base and worked him up with your saliva, peering up at Jeno and feeling your walls clench at the rapture on his face. If you had your way, you would reduce him to nothing in a matter of minutes.

Jeno gathered your hair in his hand, steering you gently up and down his cock. With his other hand, he stroked his fingers over your cheek affectionately and said, “I would die for you.”

You drew back and replied coyly, “I know.” Then, you wrapped your lips around his length again and pressed forward until you’d taken every last inch of him.

Jeno tried to keep eye contact and pinched his lips together in restraint. The gagging, choking sounds leaving your throat each time he sank in were too much and your husband tipped his head back and staggered out a breath.

There was a tightening between your legs and you could feel yourself soaking through your panties. Satisfied that he was extra slick with your saliva, you pulled his cock from your mouth with a pop and clambered to your feet.

Jeno let his hand fall from your hair and reached for your waist, holding onto you whilst you stripped out of your pants and straddled his hips. He watched with bated breath as you steered him into your entrance.

You sank down on him, moaning at the stretch, eyes winched closed. All you could do was rasp his name as your body adjusted around his hard length.

Jeno stared up at you in reverence, a grunt escaping him as he said, “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

You had some idea given how hard he was for you, but you still liked hearing it.

Bracing your hands on his chest, you rolled your hips back and forth. There was a wet squelch every time he bottomed out inside you, your walls clamping down on him with your movements.

“Fuck me,” Jeno groaned, reeling his hands back and slapping them on your ass. “Just like that.”

With him goading you, you picked up the pace, bouncing up and down on his cock, your ass colliding loudly with the tops of his thighs. It was unreal how good he felt and you made yourself bite your lip to keep your cries trapped in your throat, because you knew you undoubtedly had an unsuspecting audience on the other side of the wall.

“God fucking damn,” Jeno groaned, the air whooshing out of his lungs. You were riding him so hard it downright shocked him.

You were taking pleasure from his body, using his cock to get yourself off, and nothing made Jeno want to come more than that. His hands were heavy on your hips, fingers sinking into your flesh to the point of bruising. You were going to milk every last drop out of him at this pace.

And you did.

The moment you tipped over the edge, riding him wildly at the height of your orgasm, Jeno crushed you in his arms and trapped you to him, emptying inside you with a guttural groan that made you shiver and swear even more.

Jeno was shaking like a leaf below you and you carded your fingers into his hair, his breath hot on your neck. You collapsed on top of him, a tiny noise escaping you when his soft length slipped from your folds. Jeno grasped your knee, hooking your thigh across his waist as he settled back into the couch.

“I know I promised never to ask,” you said shyly, making senseless patterns on his chest with your fingertips. “But please allow me one question.”

“You waited until after draining my balls to ask. I see you,” Jeno smarted, chuckling.

You snorted back a laugh. Then, your face turned somber. “Have you ever used your power on me?”

“No.”

You arched a brow. “You promise?”

He nodded. “It takes all of my strength every second you’re in my arms not to use my power on you,” your husband whispered and you absolutely believed him.

“Restraint is the hardest part of being a villain?”

Jeno looked down, marveling just how good your naked body looked on his. He smoothed his hands down your waist and landed on your thigh hooked over his hips. “I could destroy this city with my bare hands, baby,” he whispered darkly.

You shivered a little.

“You know, I used to look at my hands and see only death. Then, when you gave birth to Juno and I held her, everything changed for me.”

You melted into him. Just the thought of the baby you had made together caused your heart to take off and soar inside your chest.

“I couldn’t believe something so beautiful came from someone as evil as me.”

You cupped his cheek in your hand, turning him to face you, your lips brushing his. “I don’t care what you’ve done. I will always love you.”

“You saved my life,” Jeno confessed in a whisper. “You and that baby girl saved me from my demons. And from myself.”

You smiled.

Jeno kissed the corner of your mouth and said, “She may have my power, but she has your heart.”

Copyright 2020-2024 © yutaholic (formerly zenyukhei) All rights reserved do not copy or translate without my permission!

[buckyalpine]

so this pertains to the “always you” fic. it’s one of my favorite fics of yours, just the perfect blend of angst and fluff, just absolutely amazing.

but.

but i cannot help but wonder what would happen if it never happened. like okay, imagine this: bucky never admits his feelings and never clears up the entire confusion and misunderstanding his girl has ab his and nat’s relationship. so, while he’s in love with her, and she’s his choice above everything else, and nat’s basically his baby sister, she doesn’t actually know any of that. so she’s still waddling in a mass of self-hate, hurt, heartbreak, yada yada yada.

then, on a mission, she gets the opportunity to bring nat back, but with a price- her life for nat’s. so, imagine everyone’s surprise and happiness when natasha returns, alive and well. and bucky is just beyond himself, bc now he got his lil sis and his best girl and he can finally heal. until he asks, “hey, where is y/n?”

and that’s when he realizes.

what do you think he would do? i like to think he would go mad, screaming out her name, falling to his knees, begging for her to return to him. letting out the most painful, gut-wrenching cry. his girl died thinking he didn’t love her or care ab her, and that will forever haunt bucky.

The only change I’m going to make here from the actual fic here: is that everyone is alive because of how I imagined this playing out.

Warnings: ANGST, Death, pure sadness, 0 happy ending, thought’s of suicide 

Word count: 1.4k

Happy Alternative ending 

You smiled one last time, remembering his beautiful blue eyes. You had a number of choices but your mind was made up as you pushed Nat through the portal to send her home, darkness quickly consuming you immediately after. All the internal pain you felt withered away along with your life, your final thoughts remembering the one person who made your heart feel whole. Who you loved with your entire being. Who didn’t love you back. Bucky didn't feel the same way about you but it didn't matter anymore. You just wanted him to be happy. You hated the way you felt. You were so in love with him, his adorable goofy grin, his dimple chin, his soft eyes, his warm hugs, his corny jokes from the 40's.  You hated that you would never compare to the person he missed the most. You weren’t as skilled. Not as Attractive. Not as charming. You just weren’t her. He’d been through so much pain and if one person would make him happier then... 

*****

She was alive. She was healthy. She was back. Bucky’s heart fluttered, he finally felt complete. He had his baby sister, he had you. His sweet baby doll. He hadn’t told you before but he had to now, you had to know how in love he was with you. You’d always been there for him, holding him when he needed comfort or listening to him when he needed someone to talk to. He’d fallen for you a long time ago but he never had the courage to tell you. Until now. He couldn't wait any longer, he just wanted you to be his, it’d always been you. 

"Where's y/n?" Bucky looked around the platform, but you were nowhere to be seen. The team looked at each other, their hearts sinking when Nat's eyes filled with tears, a sob escaping her lips.

"Nat?" Bucky looked down at her, before moving around the lab, confused, where could you have gone? You were supposed to come back. "Nat, where is she?"

Nat remained silent, chewing her lip, staring at the floor, the light leaving your eyes would haunt her forever. The feeling of your hands pushing her still lingering on her skin. 

"W-where is she?" Bucky looked at her, the soft innocence in his eyes breaking her, how could she tell him the girl he loved with all his heart would never be coming back. 

“I’m sorry” 

“What do you mean?” Bucky swallowed thickly, panic rising in his chest, you were supposed to come back. “She didn’t come with you?” You were supposed to come back. 

Nat shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, she couldn’t bring herself to speak, she couldn’t even look at Bucky. He’d lost plenty of things in his life, but none like this. After all, you were the only girl he’d ever fallen for. 

“I-I don’t understand” Bucky’s voice grew shaky; you were supposed to come back.  You were supposed to come back. You were supposed to come back. “Where is she? Bruce?” 

His eyes pleaded with everyone around the room, waiting for someone to tell him you’d be back in a second, you’d be back through a different portal, you’d be back fucking tomorrow, just anything than the deafening silence he was receive.

“WHERE IS SHE?!” 

“Buck...” Steve’s eyes welled with tears, shaking his head “She’s….” Why the fuck was Steve crying, why was everyone so quiet, why didn’t Nat look at him? No one was able to speak, frozen on the spot. It was a high risk mission and the chances were slim; they loved Nat, they really did, but if things had taken a turn, they hoped you’d pull through, accepting their friend’s death over losing you in the process.

“Steve?” Bucky’s chest heaved, hoping his friend would tell him you’re just going to take a little longer, this couldn’t end like this, he wouldn’t handle this, you had to come back. Steve took a step forward to hug his friend but Bucky stepped back shaking his head, no. You were coming back. You had to.

“No, I have to tell her, she has to come back, Bruce?”

Bruce sat in his chair in defeat, staring at his hands. If he could he would. He would have done anything to try and bring you back if it was possible.

“SOMEONE TELL ME SHE’S COMING BACK” Bucky couldn’t stand the sight of everyone looking at him, tears streaking their faces, how could you be gone, he had to tell you. He needed his baby to know how much he loved her, how could she die without knowing how much he adored her. The gut wrenching cry that escaped Bucky’s lips tore through the room as he collapsed to the floor, pained his screams were going to haunt the team forever.

Steve and Sam sat by his side, unable to process their own grief, along with the pain of seeing Bucky so broken.

*****

Bucky only slept in your room. He missed your voice, your hugs, your sweet scent, your smile. He missed your laugh, the way you’d play with his hair, the way your nose would scrunch when you laughed. He didn’t know what else to do, crying into your pillow every night, hoping the nightmare would end. But it didn’t .

He thought the pain wouldn’t get worse.

He was wrong. So fucking wrong. 

He found your dairy. 

Bucky had felt darkness but nothing like this before. The type where death called for him. The type where he wanted to sleep forever. The type where the cut of a knife would bring him peace and not pain. 

His beautiful doll. His everything. The one girl who completed his heart didn’t know he loved her. She’d been in love with him and thought he never felt the same. She wrote the kindest things about him, only to finish her entries about how he’d never be hers because his heart belonged to someone else.

Bucky sobbed, tugging his hair; you died not knowing how much he loved you. You died thinking he loved someone else. You died feeling like you were hidden in the shadows when you were the light in his life. He never got to hug you and kiss you and tell you he loved you. He didn’t get to touch you, feel you and make love to you.

You died not knowing he always loved you.

He found a small box under your bed and his heart somehow broke more. He truly didn’t think he had any more tears left to cry, but he sobbed. His wails carried down the hall as he looked through the tiny thing’s you’d saved from things you’d done together; movie tickets, a candy wrapper from a chocolate bar you shared together, a cheesy valentine’s day card he gave you “as a joke” and many other knickknacks you’d collected as little reminders of time you spent with him.

The pained screams worsened.

Steve ran down the hall as FRIDAY sent out an alert of distress coming from your room. Bucky sat on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass, the mirror shattered, his hands grasping onto larger shards, droplets of blood staining the floor.

“Steve…I can’t anymore”

Steve remained silent, his heart racing, he didn’t know anything that would make Bucky better. Nothing would ease the pain. 

“I can’t, I want my y/n Steve” 

“I just want my y/n”

“She didn’t know I love her” 

Bucky’s sobs reduced to whimpers, his body drained and exhausted. 

“My girl. I want my girl”

5 years later

Bucky sat on the grass, his forehead resting on your headstone. A few years may have passed but the pain remained. Since you’d been gone, he’d hardly spoken to anyone aside from Steve and Sam. The closest thing he had to holding you was your named etched in ink on his chest, above his heart. His angel. 

He picked up the pen and put it down a hundred times. He couldn’t bring himself to write it, to accept you were gone. To accept  you wouldn’t be coming back. But you deserved to know.  He never got to tell you. At least not yet. He placed the envelope on top of the flowers he brought you, sitting quietly as he thought about you.

My Angel,

I’m sorry I never told you that it was always you. You were my first and only love, you still are. You’re the only girl who’s ever given me butterflies. You’re the only one who’s ever left me speechless after just one hug. You’re the only one I wish I got to kiss just one last time. I just want to hold you. Just one last time.

You’re the only girl for me. My best girl. My doll.  

I should have told you. I should have told you I fell in love with you. I should have told you, you were special. That you are the light of my life. That no one else mattered to me the way you did. I’ve never felt loss like this. I miss you everyday. No one will ever replace you.

I miss you sweet heart. My babygirl.

Till we meet again,

JBB

-

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[base0h]

HI<33 can i pls get hcs/or scenarios for Law and zoro with a fem s/o that’s so pretty that the marines refuse to even chase her when they see her roaming around because they don’t want her to get thrown in jail or even executed

I’m feeling extra pretty today and I hope you’re feeling yourself as well, have a good day and thank you 💞💕💖

a/n - omg yes ofc :) and I’m so happy you feel that way! (I bet you're always pretty tho <3) I’m feeling alright today :D ty anon 💜💜✨ bad girls is such a good song 👌

Warnings ⚠️ - none, fem reader

live fast, die young <3

Law

- he KNOWS you’re drop dead gorgeous

- that’s why he gets so protective and jealous over you

- Worried someone’s just gonna snatch you

- You’re too pretty for this man 😭

- He wonders how you even fell for someone like him sometimes, he gets a bit self-conscious that he’s not good enough for you 🥺

- you have to remind him that he’s handsome too or else he’ll feel bad :’)

- out in public, he’s kind of prideful that you’re with him- like he makes it noticeable that you’re his

- When men stare at you (they all do 🙄) he puts his arm around your waist and stares down at them with his dark grey eyes

- Even marines refuse to capture you 🫡

- They all die over you like they’re a bunch of hungry animals

- If it makes you uncomfortable?

- Law won’t hesitate to “take them away” for you

- you don’t ever see those marines ever again 👍

- every man that sees you turns into a fucking Sanji 💀

- Be confident. You’re gorgeous <3

- Law might not say that you’re pretty all the time, but like- you make him so weak when he sees you

- even though you have been together for so long, he still gets flustered by your looks

- If you’re not confident, he’ll try his best to make sure you know you’re gorgeous

- but he doesn’t understand how tf you don’t think you’re pretty 🗿

- he kind of ends up saying, “is your vision bad…? Do you need glasses? Is your mirror broken?”

- and you’re like, “no..?”

- then he does a whole eye exam on you because he can’t understand why you don’t think you’re gorgeous af 🙄

- he’ll also get you a new mirror (it doesn’t rlly help anything but I mean it’s Law 🗿)

- I mean he doesn’t complain about marines not wanting to chase after you or capture you, but he HATES when other men look at you like that

- he gets super jealous >:3

- don’t tease him about it or else he’ll pout and ignore you for the rest of the day (embarrassed boy 💀)

Zoro

- this man is obsessed about you my god

- he thinks you’re the most gorgeous, amazing, talented, kind, best person he’s ever met

- lowkey possessive tho

- your beauty is only for him >:)

- when he catches people staring at you, he won’t hesitate to wrap his arm around you and start grabbing your ass 💀

- that usually scares them away

- but if they keep staring?

- haha swords + death glare

- Zoro always finds himself staring at you like the other men, but will get embarrassed if he makes eye-contact with you accidentally

- “No I wasn’t staring I was staring at the book behind you-“

- “Zoro there’s no book behind me.”

- “…. ._.”

- My man can’t believe that you’re actually real sometimes 🗿

- Like you’re too perfect in his eyes

- If you’re not confident about your looks? He’s just like

- “… There was literally a guy that turned into stone when he looked at you. Isn’t that proof enough?”

- “Zoro-“

- He will drag your ass over to Sanji who’s in the kitchen and just show your face to him

- “Y/N SWANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-!”

- Sanji turned into fucking stone and died, chopper had to revive him 💀

- “Is that proof enough?”

- “Zoro…”

- you honestly wanted HIM to say you were gorgeous, but maybe that was asking too much of this boy

- When you two were alone after that, he quietly said to you, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

- That made you feel better 👍

- Yes don’t worry Sanji’s still alive

- He thinks it’s great that the marines aren’t even trying to capture you, but then they all get mad at Zoro for being the one who gets to be with you

- they end up targeting him instead of Luffy 💀

- at least you’re safe 😭

a/n - bruh you readers are gonna seduce all of op💀 I felt prettier writing this :’)

<3

[we-all-have-magic-inside-us]

Hi, this is very random but I'm actually writing a dissertation on Harry Potter Fanfiction and I'm looking for the 'big' fics, i.e. fics that lots of people in the fandom read - the most popular/famous ones that might even have their own sub-fandom (All The Young Dudes for example). Do you know of any Drarry ones like this? Thanks in advance!

What a wonderful topic for a dissertation @realistic-but-optimistic - I would LOVE to read it if you ever publish/want to share. And I definitely have some recs for fics that have their own mini fandom and/or are ‘The Drarry Classics’

What We Pretend We Can't See by @gyzym [131k words]

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought

This is THE fandom classic almost everyone has read and talks about. It features a redeemed, slightly obsessive, charming Draco. Grimmauld Place plays a huge role in the fic and Ron/Hermione are wonderful. Overall 10/10.

Running on Air by @tinyhistory [75k]

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

I genuinely do not know if any fic rec can do justice to this masterpiece. It’s so beautiful and poignant and somehow nostalgic. The language, the plot, the pining and the mystery are all breathtaking. You have to read this one yourself to believe me. This is definitely a major fandom classic.

Tea and No Sympathy [70k] by who_la_hoop

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. It's been nearly a year since the unpleasant business at Hogwarts, and Draco's getting on with his life quite nicely, thank you, until Harry sodding Potter steps in and ruins it all, just like always. At first, though, the time loop seems liberating. For the first time in his life, he can do anything, say anything, be anything, without consequence. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

If you like Groundhog Day style fics, this is the winner! It has over 32k kudos on AO3 which is INSANE! It’s super well written and keeps you hooked until the very end. And it’s not just this one, every fic by this author is a classic in its own right. Especially ‘written on the heart.’

Right Hand Red [73k] by @lqtraintracks​

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.

Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.

Malfoy felt inevitable.

No rec list can be complete without an eighth year fic. The fandom is FULL of eighth year fics and they’re perfect for anyone craving a Harry Potter continuation but with Drarry. This is one of my absolute favourite ones. It features a lot of party games and it’s really nice to see Harry and Draco have a chance at a normal school year for once, something they’ve been robbed of for so many years. There’s a lot of pining and healing in this one and I felt all the feels when I read it. 

Away Childish Things [151k] by @letteredlettered

Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.

This one. This one. THERE ARE NO WORDS BUT I WILL VALIANTLY ATTEMPT. I love it. It explores Harry’s childhood in a way very few fics have managed to and it really really tugs at the heartstrings. It’s gorgeously written and evokes so many emotions. Please read this one.

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You) [44k] by @firethesound

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

Full disclosure- I haven’t read this and I don’t know if I ever can. It features MCD (main character death) and I really struggle with reading fics that don’t have a happy ending. Having said that, it is a fandom classic and everyone who has read it, RAVES about it. They say it’s gorgeous and beautiful and devastating. What I can confirm is that firethesound is an amazing author and I have read several other fics by them which could also be considered fandom classics. Especially ‘All Our Secrets Laid Bare’ which is the ultimate Auror partners fic and ‘A Convenient Impracticality’ which is the ultimate fake dating/friends-with-benefits fic. 

Dwelling [83k] by aideomai

Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better.

Oh my goodness, this fic ruined me. In the best possible way. If you want a glimpse into how Harry’s life could have been if his parents had been alive and if Harry and Draco had been friends from the start, this is the one. There's a huge twist which makes the fic EVEN better. I don’t want to spoil too much but this one is worth a read. Another fic by the same author, ‘Far From The Tree’ is also gorgeous. It’s a newer fic so I wouldn’t say it’s a classic yet but the plot is SO unique. It features Harry’s grown up kids coming back into the past and how that could affect Harry/Draco’s relationship. All the characters are super well written and it’s one of my personal favourites!

Other notes:

I made a Drarry rec list when I first got into the fandom. I would say almost all the fics on this list are also classics/very well liked. 

Another great way to find classics are through this link. They are Drarry fics on Ao3 (30k+ words) sorted by the number of kudos they’ve received. I would say all fics on the first five pages can be considered classics. 

Here are three other SUPER adored authors in the Ao3 fandom: Bixgirl, Saras_Girl and GallaPlacidia

All works by Bix and Saras_Girl are considered classics. GallaPlacidia started writing for the fandom only a couple of years back but she has such a knack for writing both these boys, it’s absolutely insane. I’m 100% confident her fics will be considered classics in a few years! Especially ‘The Bucket List’ and ‘Ship of Theseus.’

Enjoy and hope this helps!!