#he’s so emotionally damaged that would have sustained him for years

[sandontsengshou]

it’s the fact that Wei Wuxian tried to reach out to Yu Ziyuan one last time before she sent them away and she decided to absolutely emotionally wreck him yet AGAIN

[rozeliyawashereyall]

★Korey 'Hathai' Adiel★

New post to use as a ref yippeeee @aspenm00n

+the stats are inspired by @willowve01 old ref for Raine

Basics first~

Full name: Korey 'Hathai' Adiel.

Pronouns: She/They, but mostly goes by She/Her.

Realm: Al'terra

Home town: Aakhan

Ethnicity and race: Thai/Korean human.

Birthday: 28th of October

Age: 19 years old

Height: 5'4

Weight: 132 lbs

Sexuality: Bisexual

Gender: Demigiri

Disorders: prosopagnosia and borderline personality disorder.

Job occupation: (formally) Dazinite recruit. (Current) Aakhan hunter

MBTI: ENFP-A

Affinities: lightning and fire

Family members

Korey was born in Aakhan in a lavish yet unloving home. Spending most of her life trying to get her parents attention. The Adiel parents were very neglectful and emotionally abusive, to purposefully triggering Korey's episodes to guilt tripping Esra for leaving.

Korey has two brothers. The oldest is Esra, at 25 years old. The youngest is Noah, at 14 years old. They all get along greatly and have a very strong bond.

-Esra has already cut off his parents by now, and he absolutely refuses to see them again. He has a job and a loving wife and kid. He's not about to let them ruin it. He's always cool, calm, and collected, it's very difficult to really get under his skin. He graduated Thessla, the magic academy for mages, affinities being mind and water.

-Noah is kind of like a golden child, but also not really? He gets treated decently by their parents, unlike how his older siblings were treated, and he is very aware of it. He's very anxious and quiet, but can be brave. He has some big potential to use magic, but until he leaves the Adiel household, it's staying hidden.

Achara Hathai, the mother. She comes from a very strict family with a lot of traditions and rules to follow. She's the 5th of 6 daughters, she barely got any care from her parents, only by the maids. She was married off the day she turned 18 years old to Haneul Adiel. She's cold hearted, cruel, and is more than willing to manipulate others for her own advantage. She's a follower of Leo.

Haneul Adiel, the father. This man came from a very spoiled and entitled home. Raised by "loving" parents, who never once taught him punishment. His parents were the ones who watched over the kids. He was married to 18 year old Achara when he was 24 years old. He isn't a caring man, but a sadistic one. He's the one who'd torture Korey and Esra the most. Despite his spoiled unskilled appearance, he's a very talented mage, his affinities being lightning and mind. He's a follower of Daz.

-Their marriage was a loveless one, only conceiving children to keep the family line going. They both have no respect for each other, getting into arguments almost every day.

Little more about them here.

Important backstory events.

I. At 3 years old, Korey was pushed fell and sustained a pretty hard hit to her head— but thankfully, was found by a munite, they called themselves "Amaal". She was quickly healed by them, but too late as the right fusiform gyrus (for those who don't know it's a fold in the brain that coordinates the neural system that controls facial perception and memory) had already been too damaged, developing prosopagnosia due to the head injury.

After the munite told her parents found out about this injury, they... didn't care. Which of course caused Amaal to be even more concerned, that they made up an excuse to keep Korey at the temple for a little longer, just to make sure she doesn't have any more injuries they don't know about.

From then on, Amaal would visit Korey and her brothers in disguise, making sure they were okay and still alive. Even giving Esra a few healing spells to practice, and teaching Korey to mentally note vocal mannerisms and physical build so she can be able to identify them without relying on facial features.

II. At 8 years old, Korey meets Jay. I wouldn't get into too much detail about their relationship here, since I already did it in a different post.

Jay's family is very, very close to the Adiels <- them and the Akeins have a long history together. They were visiting the Adiels with his family before seeing Korey in the yard, playing by herself. So he approached her. And his obsession started a year later from there. She actually did not like Jay at all when they were younger, but Korey was basically forced to be nice to him as kids by her parents, and it unfortunately grew into a habit that developed into whatever they have going on because it's definitely not a friendship.

More about Jay and Korey and some other important things here

III. At 9 years old, Korey of course still couldn't understand why she couldn't see her parents, and why they wouldn't look at her. So, she had tried to gouge out her eyes with a pair of scissors to give them to her parents so they'd use them to look at her. As in her mind at the time, they didn't have eyes to use, to see.

Don't worry though! Esra found her before she actually gouged out her eye. Though she can still see, some serious damage was done to her right eye, he tried to heal it with what spells Amaal taught him, but unfortunately made it worse since healing was not his speciality, like at all. He ended up using a different spell on accident, causing the blood to flow in it drastically faster, turning it red.

Like I said— she can still see, but in her right eye, it's all tinted red and it hurt like hell. When Amaal visited again, they tried to heal Korey's eye, but unfortunately the damage from Esra's spell was almost irreversible, all they can do is relieve the pain in it.

IV. At 12 years old, Korey accidentally killed two boys who were about 3 years older than her at the time. The boys were bullying and hitting her badly, saying some pretty fucked up stuff, it was until one of the boys reached for her clothes was when snapped. Punching the boy off of her, before starting to slam his head on a rock over and over.

The other boy, too scared to intervene, but before he could run away, she ended up throwing a pretty hefty rock at his head. Killing both of them, and severely mentally scarring her. Thankfully for Korey, the murder wasn't pointed at her, but a violent halfblood who was roaming the woods. But still, even to this day the guilt still eats her from the inside.

Korey only told Amaal about what she's done, and safe to say they were not happy. They put her on community service duty for the rest of the year, while a very lenient punishment to killing two kids, they understood it was in self defense...also she was 12—

V. At 14 years old, Jay was brutally killed by a violent tiger halfblood, getting their guts ripped out as Korey could only helplessly watch. After it was done with Jay, Korey was also attacked by it, slitting her neck with its claws. But thankfully, she was saved by a hunter nearby called...'Warren'. influencing her enough that she decided to join the hunters. But of course, she was still too young to join. So for now she can only train.

Oh boy, were her brothers and Amaal very worried when they found out what had happened to Korey and her "friend".

Amaal, as a way to get her to stop from getting into so many dangerous activities, suggested they become a Dazinite recruit. Her entire family are ones, excluding Esra and Achara. So, she did, and it worked quite well. She stopped getting into too many fights, but was still quite the menace– pretty fitting for a stormchaser. And Amaal didn't have to worry as much about Korey getting severely injured, so it's a win-win situation!

VI. At 16 years old, she was quite literally struck down by lightning. Out of pity, the divine of Weather, Daz. Helped and gifted her a bottle with thunder inside of it..catch is, it was in liquid state. Essentially making her a muse. So far, only Esra and Amaal know about this.

Esra was very worried at first, but he'll warm up to it, eventually. Amaal was a little proud? I mean, their daughter figure just got gifted by a divine. But they were a little concerned about the potential repercussions and consequences..oh and her getting hit by a damn lightning bolt.

Noah has some suspicions of Korey being.. different. But of course he trusts his siblings too much to let his suspicions get in the way of their bond.

VII. At 18 years old, Korey finally meets Cersei. She's old enough to go on hunts now, but of course the older authority figures need to make sure she's ready-ready. And that authority figure happened to be mistress Fain herself.

The conversation was... something. Definitely not a normal interaction you have with someone. Lady Fain seemed to have been a bit suspicious of her being different per-say. But in the end, she was surprisingly very thoughtful of her and others, or at least she acted like that.

Circei had that motherly affect on Korey, but it felt so wrong seeing her as one.

Facts about her

—Korey's the type of person that would stab you as a warning.

—she is so ADHD and Autism coded it's not even funny.

—has a scrapbook with all the bugs and boys drawn in it so she won't forget what they look like and she will actually start sobbing if she ever lost it.

—she can speak Thai, English, and a lil bit of Korean.

— her episodes can either be violent (mainly to herself) or emotional. Her coping mechanism is finding an abandoned building and destroying it by taking her anger out on the things there. There are rare occasions where she talks about her feelings instead of bottling it up for so long it turns into an episode.

—she can barely remember what her parents faces look like, of course Korey pretty much relied on the person's voice to know who's who, but since her parents barely ever spoke to her, it takes her a while to recognise them.

—her grandparents, while mostly nice, were really possessive of her and her siblings. Never approving of her actions and choices, preferring for her to be more feminine and hide her scars. Korey kinda developed body dysmorphia from this, it was especially bad when she was younger

—she kinda had a grudge against halfbloods since she was attacked by one, but it was really only towards the more apex predators type of halfbloods. It was kinda resolved when she met the boys, but can be a bit suspicious if not paranoid meeting other halfbloods.

Of course she doesn't agree with the whole enslaving thing, but does agree that some halfbloods are too dangerous to be left alone, that some need to be put on a watch list by the hunters from how violent they can be. But, never drugged, enslaved and forced to fight.

—has very mixed feelings about Cersei. She understands where she's coming from. Her town got burned down, her family killed, and ended up having a miscarriage after trying to escape. All of that caused by a dragon halfblood.

Korey is an advocate for revenge, don't get me wrong! But she does think that Cersei's ideology went a little too far.

—she is very oblivious to more emotional feelings and weirdly observant to her opponents reactions. she was often mistaken as apathetic or heartless by the village people.

—best way to cheer her up? Cinnamon rolls. Or bibimbap! It's her favourite dish! Her grandparents used to make it for her before passing away

—don't let her anywhere near the kitchen though. She can help cut up the vegetables, but actually cooking? Yeah the place is getting burned down.

Her sense of direction is even worse than her cooking.

—she's both exciting and worrying to be around. Exciting because there will never be a dull moment with all the adventures and quests she comes up with. Worrying because she's a thrill seeker and will most likely purposefully put herself in danger just for the adrenaline.

—she's annoyingly good at fighting with insanely fast reflexes. One could argue because she's a muse, or because she's put herself in so many dangerous situations she learned it from experience. But either way, thanks to her risky endeavours, she's very agile and fast,

—but! While very reckless and careless of her self preservation. She always makes sure the others are okay, especially when they seem exhausted after a day out together. She knows not everyone can keep up with her energy.

—crimes include: arson, second degree murder, child endangerment, implied underage drinking, trespassing, vandalism, and–

Korey's stats before Silverben +after becoming a muse

Strength: 6/5

Speed: 7/5

Attack: 5.5/5

Agility: 7/5

Reflex: 7/5

Combat intel: 5/5

Defense: 5.5/5

Durability: 6/5

Stamina: 7/5

Korey's stats after Silverben

Strength: 4/5

Speed: 4.5/5

Attack: 3.5/5

Agility: 4/5

Reflex: 6/5

Combat intel: 5/5

Defense: 4/5

Durability: 5/5

Stamina: 4/5

Relationships family wise

Esra Adiel—ISFJ-A

Relationship: 9/10

he's her older brother, of course she has a good relationship with him! Even when he ran away to go live happily with his wife, Diana. He'd still come back on the weekends to check up on her and Noah, bringing all sorts of trinkets for them. He was the one who first encouraged her to join the academy when she reached 18 years old and not become a hunter instead.. but he understood her choices.

She did kinda hold the fact that he left them to marry a girl he just met against him. But he's made it up to her and Noah!

Esra is very quiet, always looking for ways to gain more knowledge, and stopping at nothing to protect his family.

Noah Adiel—ESFJ-T

Relationship: 10/10

Just like with Esra~ she has a very good relationship with him! Was very saddened when she couldn't be there for him as much. But she tries to visit him as much as possible! Taking every opportunity to go check up on him. She'd occasionally take him on her silly little adventures, just to spend time with him.

Noah is quite the anxious kid, preferring to stay silent then speak up his thoughts. But is brave when the situation calls for it, especially if it's to protect his siblings.

Diana Clair—ISFJ-A

Relationship: 8/10 only because she doesn't know her a lot

She never got to see her a lot, but she treasures her dearly! Along with her daughter, Ayla! Especially since she's her brother's wife. Was wary of her at first, but warmed up quickly!

Miss Clair is a very kind woman, eager to help anyone in need. Even if she's mute, she's more than willing to defend others!

Jay Akein—ENTP-T

Relationship: 0/10

...yeah I'm not getting into this one.

Achara and Haneul—ENTJ-A/T

Relationship: 0/10

Also no.

Relationships canon characters wise, also before Timmy was taken

Bodie Willowroot.

Relationship: 9/10

She was very, very suspicious of him when they first met. But warmed up to him quite quickly. She first started considering trusting him at the end of episode 1...and fully trusted him at the end of episode 3.

The reason why she even told him the truth about why she came here was because the guilt was eating her alive. Especially after the third episode-

Thinks he's pretty cool, gator halfbloods are quite rare these days. She tries to help him with the cooking but stays at the cutting duty– it's for the best. Likes how understanding and caring he is, he's almost like a father figure to her.

He reminds her a lot of Amaal and Esra combined.

Timothy Wheat.

Relationship: 10/10

Wasn't that suspicious of him tbh, she just assumed since he was also a gator, he'd know and be close to Bodie, and she was right!

She thinks he's... unique. Was suspicious of the white scales constantly growing on him, but let it go after the albino excuse before finding out he was half an ice dragon— but either way she really likes him!

Thinks his little obsession with crystals and cool rocks is pretty cute, she likes shiny things too, so that's one thing they can bond over! They'll even sometimes go search for some pretty rocks and ingredients for Bodie together. Most likely teasing each other on the way, Korey is often the winner of these silly fights.

Honestly, she really only prefers his company over the others because he's closer to her age. And because she thinks he's pretty and cool.

Marco Palustris Cydarki.

Relationship: 7.5/10

Was pretty salty on the fact he almost crushed her when they first met– but the sketch he gave definitely made it up. She thinks he's also very unique, probably more than Timmy. Is very curious on where he keeps disappearing and travelling off to.

Definitely won her trust by the end of their first meeting. But, her trust did kinda get rocky when she saw him at the arena, but it was resolved after he explained himself.

She still doesn't have much of an opinion on him, but she likes him.

Rolden Willowroot bonus tehe

Relationship: 5(?)/10 cuz she barely knows the guy

Boy was she terrified—

Okay not terrified per say, just very intimidated by him. But she does think his appearance is pretty cool.

And..uh..she uh...likes his determination to get his family out? My way of saying she doesn't have much of an opinion on him

And I think that's all!~ will be updating this post as the series progresses.

Headers are by @saradika btw, full credit to them!

[tradermoe]

As much as i do like doting horror where he is commonly cooking, taking care of members.

Realistically, I see him being hopeless in taking care of any other thing, where he can barely look after himself. If he was reintegrated into a relatively functional dynamic where food is plenty, he will still forget to eat and if asked to cook, wouldn't know a pot from a pan(not really but he certainly wouldnt know his way around a kitchen). His mind must be so very degraded from malnutrition and the state of his AU that any form of normalcy would take heavy conditioning to break his habits and compulsions

I even feel it might be rather cruel to get horror to cook anything anyway at least at the start of his emergence from his AU, it would surely be very overwhleming and uncomfortable for horror to suddenly be faced with an over abundance of the source of his loved ones misery and a reminder of his guilt and/or the way he has changed. Because if resources are at his fingertips, and he knows his AU truly didnt have to suffer, he must wonder what the suffered agony had all been for.

But then it could be discussed that because nm's members are not emotionally aware and would stick horror with a cooking job anyway, regardless of if he was of sound mind to do it, and horror will have to confront disjointed thoughts about it while somewhat unhealthily or forcefully dealing with his issues. So maybe he partially mends a relationship with food in that he can handle it, but its more of putting a bandaid ontop of a bullet wound, where the core damage hasnt been dealt with.

Im not sure if horror could ever go back to his selfless ideals at the start of his undergrounds doom. Where he would share anything he had to other monsters more in need. Im sure that well-loved and personable part of his spirit is still curled inside of him, but has been crushed to pieces after betrayal and burdened with the self fulfilling prophecy of sustaining his small community. I feel he is far too broken and self-loathing to truly go back, which entirely seperates himself from classic. This is why a healing narrative of horror would be so satisfying, you can completely deconstruct his thought processes from a horridly altered world.

Hmm why is he portrayed so fatherly or too-serious too? Or maybe too slow to get jokes or keep up in conversation? He would join in on the fun of killer, dust, etc. just as any other sans, do people forget his unnerving hand spike? How insane! Hes certainly not some wiser than his years guy or stickler for caring action, he seems sharp and witty and just as lazy as his original counterpart

Either way, i dont disagree about putting horror in a pretty pink apron :-3

[birchbow]

In the past few days I reread PoF and there’s so many entertaining little details that I didn’t absorb on the first go-round, but are bringing me much joy now!

And also! Kurloz was so very guarded at the beginning of the story; it’s very fun to reread some of that with a much broader understanding of his insecurities, his fears, and just generally what he’s likely to be thinking about at any given point in time. On that note, when he first quadranted with Gamzee, how optimistic was he about it?? I could see how the complementary sadism/masochism might look like serendipity. And Kurloz specifically tells Gamzee it’s not going to be a one-time thing. But he also doesn’t seem to realize until much later that this entails becoming extremely emotionally attached to Gamzee - almost like he initially thought their matespritship would be convenient, but was somehow unaware that it could change him. Very much “this might work out nicely” and hardly any “so what would it be like to be in an emotionally and physically fulfilling relationship.” I’d love love love to hear any thoughts you have on what was going on inside Kurloz’s head there!!

I think this is a good read! I'd agree with the "this feels like it works" and "the way what we want lines up feels serendipitous" but I'd also add on a certain amount of, like... "he needs this, and I can give it to him and be good for him" (with no forethought that it might go both ways). I think Kurloz at the beginning of the fic was mentally and emotionally prepared for it to be like.... he'd obviously be the magnanimous and mature partner, who's secure in himself and keeps things under control and feels sorry for Gamzee, the Obviously More Damaged One. It was well-meant, but not necessarily as healthy or sustainable if he'd stayed that way at length! Loving, but with a lingering note of something kind of condescending.

Except then he found out/remembered 1. oh shit it turns out I have cracks and trauma and weaknesses too, and being intimate with someone at length they're GOING to find those, and 2. loving someone makes you vulnerable in ways you might not be prepared for, and caring about things is a very worthwhile but very painful exercise in taking off your armor.

It's been several hundred years since the man was in a romantic relationship lmao he was NOT prepared.

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP4. Replay Part 1

Certainly not her genes, Kryie, also Rudolf sees through Kyrie in that even when she's talking friendly about Asumu she's burning with jealousy. Certainly was never a healthy dynamic in any case.

The talk of miracles here is so interesting and I will probably talk about it in more detail later. Rika's belief in a miracle is what allowed her to break through her dead-end fate. Ange's belief in a miracle is what is slowly destroying her life. I don't think either framing is entirely right or wrong, and unlike others, I don't see Umineko as a sort of response/rebuttal to Higurashi as much as something that expands on its themes, but still... it's really interesting to think about.

You can tell that R07 has been in kind of damage control mode for Beatrice since the end of ep3 lol. He really needs to hammer it isn't as black and white as you might think and she isn't just an evil monster who tricked Battler for fun.

This is a really funny scene too, by the way.

Battler's is, as Beato says, in a lot better state than last time shit like this happened. I think he got the general gist that Beato wasn't acting 100% and that there is more to what is going on than meets the eye.

Ange's right. Battler is starting to try and seriously understand Beatrice's heart but that's opposed to Ange's purposes, which are for him to completely trample on her heart as soon as possible so she can get Battler back.

You can tell Ane's view of others is really warped by now, it's basically a less over-the-top version of Erika. Sure if you never trust anyone you will never get tricked but you will never build genuine relations either...

This is in complete opposition to how Satoko entered the school in GouSotsu, so I guess the schools work differently across... universes or whatever it is you would call this.

Well... considering the events of this chapter where she continuously gets attempted to get murdered by her family I can't really blame her for strongarming Ange's family....

The game is pretty clear the abuse didn't take long to start.... it's easy to take a more sympathetic reading of Eva later but it is clear she bears responsibility for attempting to take care of a child she was in no way emotionally capable of doing at the time.

Ha.... the way Maria got mocked at her school but she didn't get it and saw it as genuine praise really makes me think she has autism... I remember at school laughing along at jokes I didn't get until I finally got that the joke was disparaging me. The game doesn't show this as an entirely negative thing, though... after all she is able to create 1s from 0s. Also, I am not disparaging Ange in any way but it shows the level of her isolation that the closest image to best friend she can conjure in her head is the girl she hung out with once a year on a family conference.

I have never heard of enchilada cheesecakes before and now I want to try them out.

....uh huh Rosa....

It's no surprise Ange latched on to the diary.... she does the same magic Maria does towards Rosa to Rudolf. "He sometimes came home at my birthday so he loved me a lot" aka he couldn't be bothered to even be at my birthday usually.

Haha.... this scene is so sad to read.... Rosa is constantly embarrassed of Maria even in his idealized version of the scene.

Huh... I wonder if this kind of bullying is common for autistic children? This is exactly word for word what was done to me in school.

This is also a common thing for abused people to think, I used to think I had to stay in abusive relationships because if I didn't someone else would get abused. I am sometimes kind of in awe about how R07 can accurately represent many kinds of situations.

It's not really sustainable in the long term for Maria, though. She can pretend she isn't sad and that she's fine all she wants but in the end, she chose the Golden Land over living. You can't exactly blame Maria for her thinking like this, though, she's just a 9-year-old making the best of an awful situation.

In other words, "I am glad I can neglect my daughter now that she has a stuffed toy I bought at a supermarket to keep her company instead of me"

Rosa, you set way too many fucking rules for someone that can't even be bothered to get home.

Maria knows perfectly that her mom considers her an embarrassment, huh.....

Man, Ange is so fucking depressed.... almost every line she says has a hint of extreme sadness behind it....

He uh.... didn't ask that Maria.... you can really tell she's extremely lonely.

Okonogi shows up and immediately wants Ange to do something that would kill her, lmfao.

Okonogi hits the mark right on the head but mixes up "Yasu" and "Eva" which is pretty interesting!

Of course, the one who actually had that ring was Yasu and not Kinzo at the time, so Okonogi's theory came from false assumptions.

I had.... completely forgotten that Okonogi of all people was the one to introduce the concept that without love, it can't be seen... haha I was very shocked here. Okonogi is also pretty much 100% right here, esp wrt Ange being unequipped to find the truth as she is.

An impressive resume would be a shame if you would get beaten and tortured by a nine-year-old girl.

Ange's already making hints about the fact it's really a suicide plan more than anything, Beatrice and Ange parallels are bigger later on but the fact they both had elaborate suicide plans with Rokkenjima is interesting to me...

[copper-rook]

basic info

name

-> heymans breda

aka

-> "braidykins" (code name), "rook" (secret code name, unknown to him), bread

gender / pronouns

-> male / he/him

age / date of birth

-> 25 / sep. 5, 1890

orientation

-> very bisexual, very closeted

skills

-> information gathering, strategizing, board games, card games, multilingual (amestrian, cretan, aerugonian, basic drachman, very basic xingese)

personality

description

-> breda is, on the surface, laid-back and aloof. he's extremely introverted and cares not for talking just to talk. most regard him as 'just there', though they would be wrong.

-> on a deeper level, breda is highly intelligent, observant, analytical, and strategic. he very much prefers to think about things logically rather than emotionally, so much so that he can sometimes come across as insensitive. this doesn't mean he doesn't care for others, though - he'd go to any length for those in his inner circle.

-> speaking of his inner circle, he's very capable of lightening up a lot when around the very few people he trusts. it's like flipping a switch, almost.

positive traits

-> intelligent

-> observant

-> hardworking

negative traits

-> detached

-> pessimistic

-> stubborn

appearance

prominent features

-> ginger hair

-> usually looks angry

eyes

-> brown

hair

-> ginger

height

-> 5'5"

scars

-> scarring across upper left arm and left forearm due to a childhood incident

typical clothing

-> typically can be seen in uniform but occasionally dresses in casual or business casual clothing

relationships

parents

-> mariam powell - decent relationship, though mariam is a bit strange and had the tendency to be overprotective when her son was younger.

-> thomas breda - no real connection, they've met like twice.

friends

-> jean havoc, riza hawkeye, kain fuery, vato falman, roy mustang

partner(s)

-> no set partner

enemies

-> amestrian government, homunculi

other relationships

-> n/a, has very few significant relationships

health

physical health

-> quite decent, as he keeps it up to stay enlisted in the military.

mental health

-> fine, save for his all-consuming fear of dogs and occasional nightmares.

background

place of birth

-> frost keep, west amestris

age 0 - 5 (early childhood)

-> parents divorced around age two. he stayed with his mother, mariam, in frost keep.

age 6 - 12 (late childhood)

-> (trigger warning for animal related attack)

-> while on a walk home with a neighbor at age nine, they encountered two stray dogs. the encounter quickly turned violent once the dogs gave chase, with heymans ending up in the hospital by the end of it. he required an absurd number of stitches in his left arm. ouch.

-> he chooses at age ten to start learning bits of other languages, finding them absolutely fascinating.

age 13 - 17 (teenage years)

-> after a particularly bad storm one winter, his neighborhood sustains some damage. while his house is fine, his neighbors are not so well-off. he decides he wants to join the military to ensure he'll always have a place to live secured.

age 18 - 25 (young adulthood)

-> he ends up joining the military and graduates at the top of his class at the academy. he is recruited by roy mustang for his intelligence and ability to gather information without anyone ever knowing. he is eventually sent back out west when roy girlbosses too close to the sun, where he plots treason daily

age 26+ (older adulthood)

-> yay treason :)

[historyhermann]

Steven Universe, vegetarianism, and media representation [Part 2]

Reprinted from my History Hermann WordPress blog and also on Wayback Machine. Originally published on Jan. 2. 2020.

The focus on Steven's issues is continued in "Prickly Pair," where Steven uses his new hobby, planting, as a form of therapy, connecting with his love of nature and life (another reason he is vegetarian). The Gems see this as clearly unhealthy, as he is naming plants after his friends likely a reference to the "stress free environment" (see up to 1:04 in the video above) created by Billy Rosewood (played by Judge Reinhold) in Beverly Hills Cop 2, and give him space, as he thinks he can solve all these problems himself, bumping through his teen years.

This doesn't work out, ultimately, as he forms a cactus monster who he treated like a therapist, which hurts his friends (or guardians as you could call them), Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl, not only physically but emotionally as the monster blurts out his personal feelings about them. While the cactus monster, which Amethyst names Cactus Steven, leaves his house, blowing off the front face of it, similar to the damage it sustained during the battle with Blue Diamond in "Reunited," Steven is clearly in emotionally (and mentally) rocky state by the end of the episode. You could even say that Steven and Cactus Steven represent part of the cycles of abuse. The absence of his father, Greg, his girlfriend, Connie (I hope they don't break up), and others, is disturbing enough, as the feeling he can't talk to anyone about problems, likely suffering from depression and other mental problems. [5]

"Little Graduation" and "Prickly Pair" sets up an interesting set of episodes ahead, even if you think SUF isn't "kid-friendly" anymore (as the fan base is growing up) as Steven will have to come to a more balanced state of mind and body (as he is acting a bit contradictory right now) working out his serious problems, making it possible for him to control his new powers, realizing that he should change, just as everyone else is changing, something he hasn't completely done yet. This would be much better than forcing others to not change, which is not healthy at all! Whether he talks the Diamonds about this (oh no) or his "uncle" Andy, or someone else about his problems is anyone's guess. [6] This is nothing new as he had similar struggles as shown in episodes like "Mindful Education," and other times before that, but the fact that he has the power to hurt others is scary, so I'm excited to see what future SUF episodes will bring. Perhaps Steven should take the advice he told Lars back in Season 5 to heart, although he may not.

© 2019-2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

Notes

[1] At the same time, however, the article listed racial stereotype Apu in The Simpsons, Bobby in King of the Hill, Velma Dinkley in Scooby-Doo, Draculaura in Monster High, Doug Funnie from Doug, Heffer in Rocko's Modern Life; Dil, Chuckie, and Susie in Rugrats, Pac-Man, Eliza Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys, Popeye, as some of the greatest "vegan cartoon characters." So, he got Pearl wrong, but perhaps he got these others right.

[2] Allyson Koerner, for instance, lists Lisa along with Monroe in Grimm, Phoebe Buffay in Friends, Angela Martin in The Office, Sara Sidle in CSI, and Temperance Brennan in Bones. Others list Hazel Grace Lancaster in The Fault in Our Stars, Rachel Berry in Glee, Phoebe Buffay in Friends, Angela Martin in The Office, Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, Britta Perry in Community, Phoebe Halliwell in Charmed, Topanga Lawrence in Boy Meets World, and Todd Ingram in Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, alongside Lisa as vegan/vegetarian characters. Kristen Martin, on the other hand, notes five fictional vegetarians who "defy stereotypes" while Jamie Gerber explains various superheroes and villains who are vegetarian (Todd Ingram, Damian Wayne, Iron Fist, Connor Hawke, Bruce Banner, Magneto, Zatanna, Scarlet Witch, Superman, Kitty Pryde, Ozymandias, Beast Boy, Karolina Dean, Animal Man, and Wonder Woman).

[3] Some on My Anime List have claimed that Rei Ayanami in Evangelion, Taikoubou from Houshin Engi, herbivores in Monster Musume, a vegetarian elf in Isekai Shokudou, Nadia in Fushigi no Umi no Nadia, characters in Nichibros, Denpa Onna, Kemono Friends, Happy Happy Clover, Hamtaro, and Shirokuma Cafe, the latter three only if animal characters count, along with the Circumstances of a Vegetarian Child Wherewolf.

[4] Some fans adored Shep and loved the representation, while others didn't get their gender and thought Shep was transgender (there's no indication that is true), or hated Shep for some reason, the latter falling into the category of "annoying fans."

[5] I think its worth quoting the psychological analysis of Steven by one fan here, as it says more than I could put forward:

What is happening to Steven right now is a consequence of three situations: -Being a half gem. -Being adolescent. -Trying to carry the weight of other people problems in your back Why you ask? in adolescence, you try to wonder who you are, what you want to be in the future. And sometimes that bring negative emotions like angriness and confusion. Before Steven Universe Future, his reason to be was to be a hero, helping others. Now, that reason is partly gone because the worst part of the conflict is over, and even when he still wants to help people, he looks at the lifes of other humans and starts to wonder what else could be. Thats it because as a crystal gem, fighting and helping comes as something natural; and in the context of their long life spans this objective doesnt seems to change much. In the counterpart, humans tend to change life perspective more frequently because we live less, and our fragility doesnt makes us want to fight intergalactic conflicts (instead, we choose to share with others, get jobs, and try to enjoy life). In the initial part of the show, things seems "inverted" because humans gave Steven a sense of continuity ("i want this to stay the same"), and gems a sense of something that needs to be changed ("i want this to be different"). When we reach SUF, humans are changing and gems are remaining the same (mainly enemies), so Steven starts to be greatly frustrated. He doesnt wants to recognize this, clearly, because he is the person that "helps", not the one that needs to be helped (that would mean he is a burden to others). So, his emotions (anger and confussion, normal for adolescence) start to emerge as unstable powers, which causes a mayhem so big that Steven has to begin to recognize his emotions. PD: So...if you have superpowers and feel like this...go therapy.

[6] Some fans hope Steven lies on a bed at the end of the series and talks to a therapist, while others just say he needs "serious therapy."

Update:

I am so glad to get one positive comment on /r/stevenuniverse, which makes me smile. I am glad to see it.

[bekindtoyou4007]

Did a lot of work today! Made my life a lot easier for the rest of the week. Now looking forward to getting on with things. Hopefully going to the gym tomorrow morning all being well. Do some paperwork, then errands and more paperwork! Feeling admittedly a bit nervous about my work schedule next week but I just need to get on top of it... I broke my rule and checked the parent updates gc today instead of tomorrow, Thurs is supposed to be my assigned checking day. But it's fine as long as I wait another week and avoid obsessively checking to see of everything is still a nightmare- it always is! The constant hope/fear of seeing if maybe this time it's different or what new bad thing has happened is too much intensity for me. I can't sustain that level of emotion long term, it always ends with me crashing and feeling emotionally burnt out, and stressed of course. Like scratching your own skin until its bloody and raw and nerve damaged. I've taken an anti anxiety pill this eve just because it feels possibly needed. I worry sometimes I'm a selfish person because of how much I act to protect myself. But then again it is true that its a zero sum game. I'm either deeply involved and suffering way more with my mental health or I'm only lightly involved and coping. I wish it weren't that way but it is. And they made it this way. Perhaps if they hadn't abused their children they would have more faces around them regularly I guess... I wish I had loving supportive parents and I could just feel scared the normal way you would when a parent you don't have complicated feelings for is sick. I think that would be simpler to handle in a lot of ways. Not to minimise anyone else's experience, I just feel sometimes I would love to have the cleanness of crying because I am scared my excellent father will die instead of the weird, choked flurry of emotions I get thinking about when my bio dad will die. I am at least so familiar with the concept of his death after all these near misses over the years. Maybe that's why I can't experience anything deep about it, because it's this repetitive theoretical question rather than something concrete still. I dread to think of seeing him again, it was truly such an awful experience last time. It's going to feel like walking in to an execution room if I have to do it again, or more accurately a torture chamber. But if he lives to the 1 year mark I will consider it morally correct to visit him, even briefly.

[fearthebadgers]

Gently asking for Arkham Knight Jon Headcanons <3

You have made a grave mistake Moffy >:) you would think that I, Badger, would write something soft and sweet like a kitten's purring but you would be mistaken. Behold! Angst! Mixed generously with a fine powdered reader-insert element! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP

- While in recovery after Croc's attack, Jonathan became very emotionally distraught. The pain he experienced every waking day left his emotional state in utter tatters. It truly broke your heart whenever he would ask you if he was ever going to heal. Though as soon as this part of him came to light, it vanished. The day that he became virtually emotionless was the day he sewed that damn mask to his face. You walked in on him doing so and all he did was look behind his shoulder at you, then simply proceeded to return to doing what he had been before you interrupted. After that, the only detectable emotions he harbored were anger and hate.

- As a result of a head injury in the asylum, Jonathan developed chronic headaches and migraines. Even with his various pain-relieving medications, these days are usually spent in bed. White dots dance in what remains of his vision and his head throbs as though a bullet were lodged in his cranium. 

- Eventually, with time, Jonathan will become fully blind. He’s halfway there already with all his sight gone from his right eye. The head injury he sustained caused his vision to worsen so quickly, that most of his sight was missing within a year or two of the incident. The left side of his vision is in better condition than his right. He’s able to make out blurry images in his peripherals and while he’s completely blind in his right eye, he’s merely farsighted in his left. 

- With his limited sight, reading has become a struggle. He gets so frustrated with not being able to read as well and as often as he used to. Sometimes he becomes so fed up with not being able to see he’s thrown books in anger. A thing that once brought him so much comfort was so quickly torn away from him and it’s made him bitter. 

- Jonathan has an addiction to the morphine and sedatives he uses to stave off his physical and mental aches. It's the only thing that helps to completely relieve him of pain and other issues that hinder him from doing work. 

- Jonathan seems to have nightmares every single night. The snapping jaws of a crocodile, fists pounding against his skull and ribs, water surging into his lungs; all haunt his mind while asleep. If he wakes up from a nightmare, he'll usually just stay awake for the rest of the night. If he can't already sleep soundly, why keep trying? More often than not you wake to an empty bed. 

- The most painful thing about the injuries he suffered was not the damage to his left leg or anywhere else, but to his lips. He loved to lay his lips against your skin, alighting it with soft, sweet kisses. But now.. he can’t. Half of his lips have been torn to nothing, leaving his gums and teeth partially exposed. Kissing is no longer something he can comfortably partake in with you anymore. Now, whenever he tries it’s awkward and he struggles to be affectionate in those ways. While romance already was not exactly his strong suit, he feels even worse at it now. 

- Jonathan’s paranoia doesn’t stop at thoughts of Batman’s bruising fists or Croc’s teeth. While he doesn’t voice it aloud, he’s constantly terrified you’ll leave him. There are so many better people out there for you. Why him? He’s disfigured, constantly in pain, disturbed mentally and emotionally. He truly believes that he doesn’t deserve you. 

- He feels safe with locked doors. Any room he's in he locks the door behind him. It's nothing against you whatsoever, don't get him wrong, it just helps to ease his paranoia to a degree. Of course, if you knock and ask if you can come in, he'll let you inside but he'll re-lock the door as soon as you come in.

- When one of the militia said that "Scarecrow is probably huffing his toxin," he wasn't wrong. Not only is Jonathan addicted to drugs that relieve his pain, but he's also dependent on the gas variation of his toxin. While he receives a pleasurable high from the gas, the same cannot be said for his liquid of terror. The difference being is in the chemical make-up of the gas and the liquid version of his toxin. Both do differ from each other and work/function in the body differently. 

- The injected dose he receives from Batman was enough to be lethal. Thankfully, Jonathan has just enough resistance built up to hold out against what he went through at the end of Arkham Knight. If he were an average person with little to no resistance, he would have surely died as a result of the injection. 

[marmaligne]

headcanon in two parts, sorry. Ask does not miss it. 1.1 Oh, you know the insecticons from the tfp? Can I have a headcanon where a S/O person is on friendly terms with insecticons?

[TF PRIME] S/O Is Friends With The Insecticons

———————————————————————

* [S/O] meets them by accident quite a bit before the events of the Energon Eaters. Arachnid is still “leader” of the Insecticons by technicality as the only available ‘Queen’ for the hive-mind, however she never really patrols the area or takes care of the hive as she should, rather choosing to wander as a free mind, disobeying orders from everybody.

* You had stumbled upon the hive while taking a short walk along the side of the Jasper highway, leading out of town and to an old coal mine you liked to inhabit on your days off work. A home-away-from-home of sorts, it brought you peace of mind to have a quiet place.

* At least you thought it was a quiet, desolate area until you broke through a thinning in the rock floor of the entry shaft and ended up crashing an Insecticon tea-party.

*It was a rather awkward fall, and it had injured your hip joint on the way down, leaving you temporarily paralyzed in throbbing pains and nerve damage.

* The giant bug-like robots and their shiny, metal wingspans immediately armed themselves and aimed at the shifting dust and rockfall, growling and chittering in a language of some sort, unknown to you.

* “Is it one of those ugly-faced Decepticons ploys again?”

* “It’s too small and squishy, much sooner to be a predacons’ chew toy than any weapon.”

* You looked super confused, absolutely stupefied, completely duped, utterly incomprehensible, awkwardly awed, amazingly idiotic, a-

* Their manner of speech and vocal patterns was practically lost on you. You could pick up remnants of a language similar to broken [language], but really nothing else. In an attempt to make contact with the metallic giants to gain help, you enabled your parroting capabilities.

* Humans have the stunning ability to mimic sounds and specific noise frequencies, at levels other earthen animals, especially mammals, cannot. Using this ability, you managed to copycat the grinding and chattering noises coming from the vocal mass of bug-bots.

* [S/O]: “¿Krrt-grrut vvurrr chechch?”

* Hardshell: “¿Buzzzz vert-tet-brrrz, Erreech?”

* [S/O]: “¿Erreech?”

* Hardshell: “¡VRREE BUZZZ-EECH CLICKLICKIK!”

* The contact went well, unbeknownst to you, and the successful communication meant that you might actually have a chance at escape, or finding a hospital!

* Congrats! You are now [Tiny Bug Child]! You have no idea what they were speaking about, unaware that they were contemplating how to execute you, but you successfully managed to evade death by being cute and cuddly! People say curiosity killed the cat, but it evidently saves the naive human-who-fell-into-an-insect-cult-meeting!

* Hardshell, the Insecticon you nearly landed on top of, begins to lift you out of the rubble, and place you down upon a makeshift stone table, partially destroyed by the collapse. The others—including Wingflap, Bombshell, Shrapnel, Blockhead, and Kickback—gather closely around you, cooing and chirping in their weird language again.

* This was, evidently, how you became the new Queen of the hive, though you didn’t know it, and managed to befriend your way through the entire enclosed community and worm into the spark of every Insecticon, though they were very few in number.

* You made easy friends with Bombshell, and remained close with him up until his untimely death by Bulkheads hammer fist. He would often lay atop the Jasper cliffside with you, and make out shapes in the clouds, constellations in the stars—regaling to you tales of the Old Cybertron, when his own kind weren’t so despised, and were respected as viable assets and allies amongst those with forms like and unlike their own—until the Autobot Elitists ensured they were seen as ugly and malformed, made to hide away in the shadows and step away from society for ‘the greater good’.

* It’s how you came to hate the Autobots—and Decepticons—for all they had done, to their planet and yours, and to your friends as well.

* Your mimicry slowly turned into actual speech patterns and recognition. Repetitive sound signals were a key portion of Archaic Insecticon speech, which made it easy to recognize simple words or phrases, each indicated by a set of whirs, clicks, or beeps.

* Now that you could actively communicate with most of the hive, it was far easier to make friends with even the hardiest of bots.

* Hardshell, of course, was tough to crack. At your constant insistance, he spoke with you once or twice, and made sure to acknowledge your presence when in the room, as well as save you a seat at the underground pub every other weekend. It wasn’t actually a pub per-say, rather a dugout chamber with smooth walls and some stone slabs insert for seating, where the cons enjoyed engex they could sneak off the Nemesis from time-to-time.

* After awhile, he warms up to you, welcoming you back to the hive every day after work, standing alongside his multiple siblings, and pushing others aside to get to hold you first.

* Meanwhile this all happens, they still don’t know what a human is. Their simple understanding of earth comes only from what they’ve seen on the highway from the cliffside, or from video footage of the Autobot pests on the Nemesis. Due to their bulky size and noisiness, they’re banned from most human-inhabited areas.

* Don’t doubt that some of them have attempted to follow their [S/O] home. They have. And some of them won’t stop trying. It’s been more than one awkward encounter between you and some teens to get them to realize they could get you in trouble.

* You all eat [dessert] together sometimes, made with energon supplements for ‘The Boys™️’, with some good ol’ 25-something-kg of sugar mixed in.

* The boys were worried when you didn’t show up for a week due to hospitalization via severe food poisoning medical coma.

* When Arachnid finally returned to Earth, and her fight against Arcee had proceeded about as well as expected, she located the hive and proceeded to force them to engage in business with Megatron. She believed that by implementing her own soldiers amongst the ranks, she’d be better equipped to backstab Megatron when the time came.

* She was undoubtably surprised when Hardshell and some others adamantly refused to take part in her plans at first, until she enforced their compliance through the hive-mind.

*When she learned of your existence, and the very gauge of your importance to her former hive, she came at you with full force.

*The Insecticons were fully unprepared to deal with a fight between their small [S/O] and an extremely angry ex-Queen. In refute, they returned you to the surface without so much as a goodbye, and begged you to escape before Arachnid scented you out.

* It was soon after these events that you learned of Breakdown’s death, Bulkhead’s coma, and Bombshell’s demise due to the combined effects of a substance called Tox-En and injuries sustained during his battle with Bulkhead. It broke you inside to learn there was nothing you could have done to help, but you refused to disobey their pleas to stay away for awhile.

* At the hive, Arachnid rules supreme. Being able to control the hive-mind was a feat a human was incapable of achieving, only Cybertronians able to easily access the imbedded chain of command.

* Hardshell mourned the loss of a true friend—a small, squishy human—but a friend nonetheless.

* Wingflap and Kickback went through a collection of memories you’d left behind with them. Pictures and small objects gifted over the years, a small treasure trove of important parts of their lives, now without you in them.

* Shrapnel stims a lot more now, and has nervous tics that he believes are the result of the loss of his dear friend. He knows you aren’t dead, least not yet, but he knows that you’ll likely never come back.

* Blockhead, as dumb as everybody thinks he is, is actually very emotionally intelligent. He has a way with words he barely understands, and [S/O] acted as a big support for someone like him. Without them now, he can no longer function like normal, and now has nobody left to talk to.

* Arachnid could care less. She absolutely despises [S/O], and would smite them for all she cares. You matter little to her, and only worry her for the loyalty and capacity of her troops.

* It isn’t until the Energon Eaters appear that everything turns completely south.

* [S/O] finally builds up enough courage to march themselves back down to the mine, and demand to meet Arachnid face-to-faceplate.

* The desert is hot, Nevada is hotter, and the trek down the highway seems endless and tedious. You pass by 5 interstate signs on your way to the hive, and count the steps it takes to reach the entrance, parched by the time you make it there.

* In all your sweaty glory, you, [S/O], make your way down the carved pathway into the mineshaft, dark and cramped—just as you left it.

* But everything is exactly as it was left, not an item out of place. The entire hive was empty, including of those you cared about. Their rooms are full of memories, and their energon cubes still lie in a corner, collecting dust and grime.

* The search seems profitable, yet it leaves you with nothing, and the emptiness of the hive echoes around you, and in all the chambers, through the cavern walls of every room.

* You know they’re gone, that they have left without you, and without so much as a simple passing note.

* Perhaps someday you’d find them, hiding away in another Jasper mine, but you never would.

* In their haze of a hive mind, they barely even remember the face of the human they left behind. A long line across the moon—stretching on for miles—and a vampire on a false throne, draining the lifeblood from their veins, and the image of [S/O] from their minds.

———————————————————————

✨ Hope you enjoyed ✨

[merrysithmas]

Obviously the Falcon show should've shown Bucky coming terms with the fact that he should write his OWN name in his book of victims.

It should have been made visually clear by the end of the series that he doesnt have to apologize for heinous crimes committed by Hydra hijacking his body and obliterating his bodily autonomy to incomprehensible levels, easentially using him like a criminal pump n dump. Every new assignment, new agonizing training, new puppetry, another violent rape of his body and mind.

Bucky is not at all even akin to say Tony Stark, who suffered immense guilt during the entire Infinity Saga regarding his former life as a weapons dealer. Tony's (valid) guilt resulted in a compulsive desire to protect the earth, ultimately ending in his voluntary death. Tony is time and again shown as a tortured hero despite his initial complacency in his morally bereft actions. Bucky gets no such luck- even though Bucky, in his former life, committed no such atrocities and in fact was likely one of the most heroic pre-superhero normals in the MCU.

Bucky was a well-liked, smart, athletic, happy boy who cast aside any manner of social expectation to throw in his lot, time, and energy, again and again, with chronically ill, disabled, social menace Steve Rogers. Bucky canonically nursed Steve's injuries, was his stalwart companion through all life's difficulties (his illnesses, his mother's death, Steve's psychological inferiority complex and mental anguish resulting from his social standing) and the Crash, and mostly importantly, Bucky did not want to go to war.

He was drafted (something that seemingly would have been key to bring up in Falcon re: his lifetime as an unwilling soldier). And, emotionally, Bucky ardently tried to dissuade Steve from joining the army, for fear he'd lose him. Despite not wanting to fight and being tortured, Bucky stayed in the military post-rescue from Azzano because he could not fathom leaving Steve. He planted his feet in a burning building shouting "No! not without you!" refusing to leave without Steve even after his rescue from months of torture. Til the end of the line, regardless of what happened to him.

For the next three entire films we see the frankly epic level of value Steve places on Bucky's devoted companionship. How desperately Steve valued Bucky's goodness and innocence (even above his own life, reputation, and safety).

Bucky doesn't have to cross out names he feels guilty about as if atoning for his own sins - and while the thought behind this narrative choice may have been to depict some semblance of retribution, this notion would have been much better expressed in another way. Such as: members of the public or others who were vicitmized in some horrible manner (domestic abuse, sexual abuse, scapegoats, other victims of Hydra etc) coming to Bucky instead to comfort him, welcoming him into a group designed to alieviate this solitary mental burden, or at least comiserate in some manner. Showing him he was not alone and who, exactly, he could be fighting for should he ever choose to fight again. The voiceless and disregarded, who only have Bucky who understands.

Also (though it seems to have engendered some faction of fandom vitriol), the removal of Bucky's arm during battle deserves consideration. This visual act was obviously narratively intended to show the unmatched prowess of the Dora Milaje and the justifiable premeditated cautiousness of Wakanda re: the generous rehabilitation of a dangerous mass weapon.

Though, it has the double-edged effect of showing how Bucky is still not an agent of his own bodily autonomy. His mental and physical freedom, his very ability to do his job and make his own choices therein, is still under the jurisdiction of someone else. His disability is his opposition's advantage (whether well-intentioned or not). Essentially, he is mistrusted. And it doesn't matter how much therapy he goes to, how much he atones for his "sins", his mind is still considered not to be fully and truly his. This is one of the most injurious of all things Bucky suffers - even those who rehabilitate him doubt the complete success of his healing. Therefore, his entire arc in the series is at best questionable simply with that alone.

His entire arc should clearly have been reframed to display his victimhood, and how the fact that he is mistrusted is also another burden and misfortune that he can work through and call others out for, instead of absorbing the guilt for that too.

Falcon does a poor job of showing how this "Bucky can't be trusted" mindset is highly injurious to his status as a victim, while mostly asserting it is a byproduct of his (alleged) villainy. It does not separate "alleged villainy" and "propensity for villainous actions as result of the abuse his suffered for 70 years". Instead of clarification on this for the viewers and Bucky himself we are, among other things, posed with the question - is the Winter Soldier still in Bucky?

Right there, you know the show was not intended to show much closure for the character, but rather wring-out, refresh, and even retroactively assert his alleged villainy over his victimhood in anticipation of perhaps his own solo series (where the Soldat is reactivated). Yet, we are also oddly simutaneously expected to accept that Bucky is "healing" somehow, although we never witness anything truly happen him, internally, to suggest this.

Bucky plays an almost angry motherly role to Sam at the start of the series, initially chastising him for not accepting responsibility. Bucky sees himself as the protector of Steve's legacy, and is disappointed in Sam's (later he learns, complicated) reluctance to wield the shield.

In the end, Bucky is approving of Sam and proud of his rise to the Cpt America mantle in that same manner - bookended with approval from a distance where he almost, again, stands off to the side as a proud mother. He seems to see himself as a mentor in Sam's journey towards self-actualization. Why is he so happy Sam has become the hero he always was inside?

His newfound friendship and respect for Sam as his own hero, of course. However, it is also his love of Steve which is the next obvious answer, his deep pride in who Steve was and what he accomplished, but this is inferred and never said - thus taking away again, from an oppotunity for Bucky's emotional growth and healing. The writers didn't even know where Steve was (or if Bucky knows his whereabouts) but they could have indicated something to that effect.

Once Sam has embraced Cap, the series ends. However, despite the jubilant setting of the finale, Bucky is still narrartively unmoored. We are left with the image of him lighthearted and hopeful, but without much substance towards its sustainability and so there is not much satisfaction in it despite the sweetness of its visual impact. But its depth? We are unsure. This is because Sam's ultimate advice to him, that he "serve" others rather than enact vengeance, strips away another truth about Bucky's situation.

That Bucky's desire for retribution and vengeance against those that abused and tormented him is valid and a real victim response. Bucky's perspective is seen as "wrong" instead of a well-documented step stone on the path to solid mental survivorship. Bucky could eventually want to serve -- but serve who?

Again, obviously the answer is: other victims like himself. But the show won't call him a victim at all, and thus Sam's advice feels hollow (serve... the vague and faceless Greater Good?) and Bucky's emotional security at the end of the show feels as if it lacks substance and permanance for the audience.

The payoff for Bucky's healing is almost nonexistent because no one will ever say why he was hurt in the first place (a victim).

Could go on and on about how this is because of Disney's terror of Bucky's perceived compromised masculinity (victimhood, captured, mentally damaged in WWII and present day), visual femininity (hair, slapped by men for insubordination, physically touched and moved against his will, soft spokeness, powerlessness in the narrarive), queer subtext (Steve, his origin as Arnold Roth Steve's gay jewish best friend, perceived jealousy of Peggy, intense affection for Steve), his juxtaposition to Steve and role in Steve's narrative, and their desire to wipe his slate clean with a new Masc Bucky.

Hint: it doesn't work.

[clonememesfrikyeah]

Sad Rex imagines time

1. Rex wanting to get away from everyone because he’s stressed but doesn’t have anywhere to go where he won’t be bothered so he hides in a storage closet at the end of a lesser used hall.

2. Rex is naturally blond and when he was a cadet his batch was all normal, so they kinda shunned him and bullied him because being defective is highly frowned upon in clone culture.

3. I headcanon that Rex had a little brain damage from being yeeted every 2 seconds over 3 years which caused his chip to not work properly. Rex probably also suffers from chronic pain from all the injuries he’s sustained and then had healed in a matter of days because of bacta tanks.

4. Imagine after Fives death and it’s only Kix and Jesse left, Rex tries to make new friends with some shines, and then he sees them all die in their first battle and he gives up on trying to make new friends.

5. After Tup and Fives deaths the information on how they died is classified and Rex isn’t allowed to tell Jesse and Kix how they died so they get into an argument about it and end up not speaking to each other for a long while. Its not until much later when Jesse request for ARK training that start speaking again, but they act like their walking on eggshells when their around each other. Jesse only wanted training because he promised Fives a long time ago he’d look out for Rex if anything happened to him, and he doesn’t want Fives to come back and haunt him because he didn’t keep his promise.

6. Once on a mission Rex had to be left behind because they were ambushed and he got injured in the process. Nobody was able to go get him because they had to keep moving and Rex was captured. The whole time he was captured he didn’t think anyone would come to get him because he was just one clone.

7. Cody and Rex fought over Fives case, Rex somewhat believed Fives was right, but Cody didn’t believe it at all. Things got heated and things they didn’t mean were said, what ended it was Cody suggesting Rex was too emotionally unstable and threatened to send him back to Kamino. Rex was quite taken aback by this and left without another word, but they didn’t speak at all after that and then order 66 happened and they lost contact completely.

8. As a cadet Rex’s trainers were harder on him and would give him lower scores than the rest because of his blond hair which made him defective. This caused Rex to have a lot of anxiety as a cadet, as he was constantly threatened with decommissioning for not having a high enough scores.

9. He feels really guilty about dogma, like really guilty. It should have been him to pull the trigger but it wasn’t, and now Dogmas gone and he feels it’s his fault. He understood how Dogma felt, obey orders or face being decommissioned, it’s how he felt back at the beginning of the war. He would have taken Dogma under his wing and showed him it was ok to lighten up a little. But Dogmas gone, and it was his fault.

10. Has a phobia of wide open spaces, since he grew up on Kamino and in an in closed area his whole life, so when he suddenly placed in the vast expanse of space it didn’t sit very well with him.

11. Rex and Anakin were friends but were never close until ahsoka left. Rex felt that it was only the loss of ahsokas company that brought anakin to seek his presence. He just felt like filler for ahsoka.

12. Clones don’t get sick easily, their immune to most known pathogens, but Rex can get so stressed his body can’t take it and he becomes ill.

13. Rex has major survivors guilt way before order 66 happened but after the order it got much worse.

14. Rex and Wolffe fought too. Wolffe was upset and thought ahsoka had betrayed them and had killed their brothers, but Rex knew she would never. When it came out ahsoka wasn’t guilty things were awkward between them. Wolffe and Rex were close since they’ve known each other on Kamino.

15. Ahsoka never said goodbye to Rex when she left and he was upset about it because he felt he didn’t mean enough to her to warrant a fair well.

Sorry for being angsty city on main, Im sad and my favorite trope is hurt no comfort because I need therapy. Anyway, feel free to add your own!

[familyagrestefanblog]

Jackady: The importance of the father-son hug scene

One of my favorite Adrien-Gabriel moments to this day is still the ending scene of "Jackady" but I have seen more confusion for it than clarity in the Fandom so here is my analysis on it for why I love it so much. Because as the seasons go by this moment sustaines so much more significance that I simply HAVE to talk about it!

While it isn't the only Adrien-Gabriel scene that does it, I adore this scene because it shows perfectly that in the beginning their little, broken family could have made it out of this tragedy stronger and maybe even better but the reality that Adrien and Gabriel are also Chat Noir and Hawkmoth not only hinders those chances, it actively drives them further apart into destruction

Maybe one day I'll give all my thoughts to the entire scene and just go on a rambling post about it (because I love EVERYTHING about this scene) but for now, let's just focus on the main aspects that really sell it to me.

I give Gabriel alot of shit on my blog for obvious reasons. I refuse to generally give him the same positive and conciderate treatment as Adrien, Marinette and the other kid characters because unlike them HE is an adult, a father and the villain of the show. The adult and villain part I'm not taking too personal because those are "just" the traditional aspects of his character type. But what is incredibly unique about him is the fact that even if he is this evil villain type he still gets to be the realistic type of abusive and (truly) bad father with sympathetic moments like this:

This moment of shock and fear is not something you would normally see in a family cartoon from an evil parental figure the child longs to bond with without setting the parent up for redemption. But as we now know by s3, Gabriel is only getting increasingly worse and more abusive and Adrien is starting to let go of his father to move on without him and defying his will. It's quite clear now that their future will not be anywhere near good, "Chat Blanc" showed us what's to come.

And this is exactly why I love this scene. Because, yes, this family will go up in flames and never truly reconcile ever again (Gabriel went WAY too far for that in the way he abuses/will abuse Adrien) but the show doesn't shy away from showing us the transitional phase in between which really not alot of media dares to. Normally when they stay enemies or their situation doesn't end in an at least somewhat forgiving way this transition is simply mostly skipped to not having to let the bad parent have realistic and sympathetic moments in their downfall into madness/villainy (especially with their victim).

Miraculous does and it's beautifully tragic because you can just... SEE the situation unfold and understand where the eventual fate of the family comes from.

The pure misunderstanding between these two in this scene, the way they just talk RIGHT PAST each other because the other one can not understand the problem cuz they don't know the secret identity of the other one is... brutal!

This moment here could have worked for them. It could have been a genuine step forward in their relationship and saved their family but it got completely CRUSHED by their secret identities as Chat Noir and Hawkmoth.

Let me show you what I mean:

THIS is a moment I AM giving Gabriel genuine credit for, because you can turn it any way you want it won't change the fact that, for his situation, THIS was the right question to ask his son. But at the same time it's just such a... horrible thing to say here oh my GOD.

And that's the ugly, UGLY beauty here.

If Gabriel weren't Hawkmoth (if someone else were Hawkmoth so the situation would still have happened) he would not have reacted to the fucking ring. He would have thought nothing of it and had remained focused on Adrien, because that was his original intention (problematically executed but that's beside the point now).

After Gabriel got himself in life threatening danger because he didn't listen to Adriens concerns, he went to him to hug him as apology. THIS is Gabriels way of apologizing and trying to make up for his faults. He's obviously not good at verbalizing his feelings properly and at normal interpersonal dynamics in general. So what he does is trying to make his feelings known in a... "material/physical" way. This does not only show through Gabriel just buying the best things for Adrien without ever being there for him, it also shows in the way he physically interacts with his loved ones when he genuinely wants to show his love. Because for how seriously antisocial and unreachable as he normally is, he also gets... quite touchy.

The shoulder touch thing Adrien does as well to show his affection for someone, him hugging Adrien both times he got a wake up call and literally everything thats happening between him and Natalie at this point lol.

Him hugging Adrien here is just as much of a big deal as Adriens expressions make it seem to be

But the father-son moment couldn't last because the villain-hero alter egos interfered. Gabriel being Hawkmoth rightfully stopped the moment here, because reacting to even the slightest chance of your own child being the hero you try to destroy is undoubtedly the right way to handle this (even if the way he did it wasn’t ideal, that's not something I would expect from any character in that situation), but nevertheless it still utterly crushed the moment.

Cuz just because it is the right thing for HAWKMOTH to ask his son Adrien who he fears COULD be Chat Noir, doesn't it mean that it is anywhere close to okay for Adrien/Chat Noir to hear this very question in that moment from his father who he thinks as a normal civilian in this.

And Adriens expression once again makes this perfectly clear

(You know the offense just reached an other dimension when the kid, who is already well aware and used to their fathers emotionally painful ways, makes a face like THAT)

Cause here is the thing. We all know by now that Adrien has some serious self esteem issues and that while he tries to over play it (especially as Chat) he just doesn't hold himself in high regards or even likes himself very much. Hence why he goes all out on the acting as Chat Noir and doesn't defend himself much.

But just because he doesn't like himself that much doesn't it mean he still doesn't want that very validation and appreciation from his father. Just like all of us and everyone on earth, Adrien wants to be loved for himself, even if he doesn't/can't do it himself. Thats normal and is something that can deeply damage you when you don't get it from your own parent/s.

So tell me, do you see why Adrien was so CRUSHED when in probably the first time since his mother's disappearance Gabriel gave him the genuine and all present love he wanted for so long, just for Gabriel to cut their moment short and FOCUSE ON THE RING?

The one thing on Adrien that makes him become "someone else" so he can escape from having to be himself for a bit.

And for Adrien it now seems like that in his own fathers eyes this ONE thing Gabriel shouldn't even know could be anything special about if he weren't Hawkmoth, is the ONLY thing worth noticing about his own son so it catches his eyes.

It tells Adrien right to the face that nothing Adrien was and did to make his father happy up to this point measured up with Gabriels expectations. All of Adriens efforts, his patience and his hopes of earning his fathers love and happiness if he only does well enough, literally in vain. It wasn't enough. It's wasn't enough for Gabriel to notice in comparison to the ring apperently.

From Adriens view you can interpret it two ways:

1. Since earlier Gabriel also took a closer look at Chat Noirs ring Adrien now thinks correctly that his father is seeing his new ring as a sign that he could be Chat Noir. This would mean that in Adriens eyes Gabriel would have cut their moment, an action of validation and love Adrien has longed, worked and patiently waited for so LONG, short and basically forgot all about Adrien himself because there is a SLIGHT possibility that Adriens ring means he COULD be Chat Noir. His own father literally choosing his secret identity over his civilian one as Adrien, the son Gabriel had for 14 years, is beyond crushing. And while it seems strange for Adrien to take offense in this because, well, he IS Chat Noir so what the big deal? The big deal here is, again, that as Chat Adrien is literally trying NOT to be himself. He uses the opportunity of being an anonymous hero to escape from having to be Adrien Agreste in every way he can. Gabriel throwing aside the son who is literally standing in front of him and who did his darn best to be there for him in his own time of grieving his mother to basically only focus on Chat Noir (a person Gabriel in the end of the day shouldn't and doesn't know) possibly being his son, is such a fucked up scenario to throw onto Adriens already low self esteem what the actual fuck.

Or 2. That Adrien simply takes his father choosing to focus on his "simple" new ring out of all things as a clear "I see nothing else worth noticing in you, so to keep this conversation up I have to grasp at straws so I guess I'll be taking about your new ring".

No matter how one chooses to interpret the moment, it's equally as much of a "fuck you" either way. I know Gabriel could have said worse here, but honestly, the list isn't that long.

So when after this Adrien reacts like this:

It should really not come by any surprise. Although, no, it is kind of surprising. Surprising that Adrien didn't react alot worse than this. What Gabriel just threw at him is like the verbal equivalent of a loved one reaching out for you with a hand so they can caress your cheek but the moment you lean in they follow it up with a punch to the face.

It shows just how well Adrien has his emotions under control and is able to stay level headed under such great offense that THIS is the level of irrationality and anger he expresses after basically being out right disregarded by his own father (which should be of no surprise either, as Chat Noir Adrien has to put up with a whole lot of disrespect as well and there he for literally 95% of the time has to shrug it off as well).

But no matter how bad Gabriels line here was, it has nothing and I mean NOTHING on the awful way Gabriel then decides to react to Adriens appropriate but still very mild response.

Because THIS is the moment that sets up Gabriels betrayal and downfall as both a person and especially as a father. Up to this point Gabriel was a horrible person as well, no question. The entirety of s1 he already worked as Hawkmoth, manipulating people, putting them in great danger and planning the demise of two teenagers with sadistic glee. But still one has to acknowledge the difference in these two situations.

In one Gabriel is hiding in a secret lair, manipulating people he thinks beneath him to do the dirty work for him and fight two anonymous heros he just wants to get rid of to reach his goal. Gabriel is taking so much pleasure out of terrorizing Paris and it's people because he legitimately doesn't give a single fuck about them or holds any kind of personal connection to them either. He never goes outside and is very antisocial so these people and their city mean nothing to him because they ARE nothing to him. His (self chosen) isolation and lifestyle pretty much disconnected Gabriel from real life and a normal way of expressing and receiving human emotions. So when there are no emotional stakes for him personally, he sees no reason to not satisfy his villainous desires as Hawkmoth.

So as odd as it may seem to say, him terrorizing Paris prior to this is not the point of crossing the line for his character. For that it's simply to impersonal.

No, the point of crossing the line happens here with Adrien. With Gabriels character things will always come back to Adrien at its core. Adrien (not Emilie, Natalie or anyone else) is the person Gabriel temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for and Adrien is the one person Gabriel has his most human moments with. Not even in his bonding moments with Natalie does he show the same deep and true (misguided) love and affection as he gets to with Adrien in those rare moments (its close no doubt but something about Gabenath is not as deep and true as this father-son pair and I can't imagine it ever will).

This marks the point of no return for Gabriel because it's the first time he chose to deliberately abandon Adrien in the crossfire and decides to be the villain towards him instead of staying there to talk things out with him. It's the first time Adrien truly had Hawkmoth as his father. And Hawkmoth is Chat Noirs ememy so Gabriel fell into that role without Adrien knowing why.

And there is a solid reason for that.

One of the best things of this show is that no matter how horrible things get between these two, things are always much more complicated than a simple "evil father doesn't love his good son" situation. Gabriel calls Adrien "the image of perfection" in this very episode, that's sure as hell not hate or dislike in any way. That's love, that's adoration. This man ADORES his son. And this is were the deep rooted problem lies.

Gabriel loves and adores his SON. The ideal and perfectly perfect son Adrien could become when Gabriel is done forming him into it by suffocating any "imperfections" with an iron fist. It's just that these "imperfections" are always the characteristics that make Adrien ADRIEN. Gabriel may truly love his son but I'm not even sure if Gabriel even so much as LIKES Adrien himself.

And this is perfectly showcased by Gabriel turning away from Adrien in this very scene here.

Because even though Gabriel literally disrespected, shut down and belittled his son for the entire episode he still came to see and hug his Adrien afterwards because he loves him. But HIS Adrien, the perfectly perfect Adrien Gabriel wants him to be, wasn't the Adrien he met up with in his sons room. Instead he got an Adrien with a ring on his hand that could be Chat Noirs, making him possibly one of the two enemies he's trying to destroy.

Adding salt to the "wound" Adrien even backtalks him in a way that undoubtedly reminded him of Chat as well since Gabriel pointed out Chats temper in this very episode.

So Gabriel was very directly confronted with the possibility that Adrien could INDEED be Chat Noir and that naturally comes with the implications that Adrien deliberately disobeyed Gabriels orders accepting that ring, sabotaging Gabriel reaching his goal and in general doing everything his father DOESN'T want him to do BY CHOICE.

And here Gabriel made the decision that marks the point of no return, setting up the devastatingly horrible way this man is treating and will treat his son in the future.

Because this is the moment Gabriel SHOULD have chosen Adrien over his mission. The sheer possibility, no scratch that, even the SLIGHTEST TRACE of a possibility of Adrien being Chat Noir should have immediately made Gabriel take action to save and protect him. Because it's not like Chat hasn't been constantly in dangerous, life threatening or even situations that ended up in DEATH. If Gabriel would truly love ADRIEN his quest would have ended right here, stopping the upcoming horror this family will face before it could have really begun (hence why this was shown to us in an episode of s1, the season where Hawkmoths identity was still unknown. If Gabriel had stopped here not even WE would have known, leaving Gabriels name untainted of Hawkmoths crimes as the Agreste family finally moves on and Hawkmoth dissappeares as suddenly as he appeared.)

because Adrien and his health and life should not be a price Gabriel is willing to risk paying for his goal.

But Gabriel didn't do that.

Because instead of Adrien Gabriel chose the potential perfectly perfect son he wants and turned his back on the one standing right in front of him. Cuz remember what Gabriels goal IS. He wants to change the past, so non of this ever happened in the first place.

Meaning Gabriel turning his back on our present Adrien doesn't mean that Gabriel outright hates Adrien now by the next second cuz he dared to disobey his orders like that. But it means that Gabriel is choosing to separate these two Adriens in his mind, making endangering, hurting and working against THIS Adrien more of a collateral damage than actually hurting his own son. THAT son, the one Gabriel convinces himself he is fighting for, is waiting for him in the past alongside Emilie.

This separation was probably always there since Gabriel started trying to change the past hence why he justifies Adriens unhappiness and the way he abandones him as necessary sacrifices.

But the real separation started HERE, this marks the first time Gabriel just left Adrien behind in a position of complete and deliberate endangerment, knowing that the possibility of Adrien being Chat is still there but choosing to say: "if he indeed is, then that's an obstacle I will have to overcome."

This separation has been developing slowly but steadily through s2 and 3 right to "Chat Blanc" which tells us the future. Me elaborating on this "separation development" though became longer than I want to put in this post, therefore I will go into more depth about it another time.

So let me continue with this:

Adrien is like... Genuinely not even angry. More deeply sad.

He was appropriately and truly hurt when Gabriel only started talking about the ring but once Gabriel turns around and walks away? He looks after his father but more in a way as if he is waiting to see if Gabriel would actually take so much offense in him backtalking him to legitimately LEAVE like this. And Gabriel does.

Adriens intentions wasnt to make his father leave, When he talked back at him it was more of a hurt call out for Gabriel to say more, SOMETHING ELSE, but not to LEAVE!

Adrien then does something very common for people in a fight who wait for the leaving person to turn around again but have to realize that they hope in vain and the other person actually is done with this moment.

His face and body relaxes, he turns completely to the door and seems to... take it in.

Especially in the way Adrien does it here its like he is processing and accepting that what he thought of his father was wrong. Adrien thought Gabriel cared enough for him that he would want to stay even if he backtalks him for example. Adrien expected a conversation here but now had to realize that his father isn't gonna put up with him at all or their differences in an upfront way if Adrien isn't "behaving right". Gabriel will just cut the moment short and deflect whatever conversation with him he doesn't like.

All in all what Adrien took away from this moment with his father is even if Gabriel may care for him (enough to come and hug him as an apology) this care and affection is tightly bound to the way Adrien himself then reacts. If he reacts in a way Gabriel doesn't like he will very quickly deem Adrien undeserving of his affection and take it (and his entire presence) away again.

The way Adrien looks then at his ring also makes me think that he definitely blames himself for how this moment ended. That he "shouldn't have overreacted" and taken such personal offense by his fathers attempt to reconnect with him even if Gabriel hit one hell of a sore point.

This is of course BS. Even if Adrien wasn't Chat Noir the way Gabriel just straight up deflected the conversation to the ring right after the hug, where one normally starts to explain oneself and truly TALK, would have been seriously hurtful even under non-miraculous circumstances.

But it shows how Adrien by instinct immediately starts to invalidate his own feelings to look for the faults in himself. A self-hurtful coping mechanism that unfortunately only gets deepened as the dynamic between these two continues on. 

And lastly it also marks the first time that the ring is truly associated with something bad. Normally (especially so early in the show) the ring stands in association with Adriens freedom and spending more time with people outside, him getting to let loose a little and how he can spend time with the girl he loves. The ring began to loose these positive associations more and more from s2 onward but the first time was here.

It's the object which ruined the moment that could have ended this tragedy before it truly began in both of their eyes and in the viewers. Sure Gabriel being Hawkmoth is the true cause of it and nothing will ever change that but it's Adriens ring, not Gabriels brooch, that sets their separation further in motion. Further as Gabriel initially intended to.

It's the factor Gabriel overlooks Adrien himself for, which is truly brought home by the end scene of "Gorizilla" which serves as a mirror to this one here.

Whereas in "Jackady" Gabriel lost sight of the son right in front of him because of the ring and what its implies, in "Gorizilla" Gabriel thinks he finally received the evidence that Adrien isn't his enemy. So for the first time Gabriel completely disregards the ring, Chat Noir out of his mind, sees ADRIEN for himself and genuinely smiles at him. He can and does make a TRUE attempt at reconnecting!

Which is of course exactly what Adrien wanted for so long, what he hoped Gabriel would do if hes just patient enough with his father. He accepts Gabriels genuine attempt gladly, reassuring his father that he and his efforts are noticed, appreciated and wanted even after everything that happened so they can hopefully go on to a better future.

This is what would have saved this family back in "Jackady" if only Gabriel had chosen the right priority. But as I said before, this moment here happens in s2 after Gabriel crossed the line in Jackady, so this positiv moment can not save them anymore. Both Gabriel and Adrien are already too far in and influenced by their alter egos and the miraculous. So the brief reconnection couldn't last and everything continues to only further fall apart ever since.

And it all began with this beautiful, heartbreaking and tragic moment in "Jackady" these two will never ever be able to truly come back from again.

[fadedflame]

Carols and Circuits Day 17

Detroit: Become Human Prompt Challenge from @connor-sent-by-cyberlife

Summery: Hank’s confrontation with Connor on the rooftop ended badly. Certain the fall had killed him, the last thing he was expecting was the kid to show up on his doorstep a year later. Traumatized and falling apart at the seams, Hank doesn’t know if there's anything he can really do to help the android. But he sure as hell is going to try.

Day seventeen - Obligatory Christmas Photo

Words-560

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Ao3 or

This whole scenario seemed to grate on his system. Hank had convinced him to put on the awful sweater, and it was just as unflattering on him as it was off. The only saving grace was that the Lieutenant had put on one of his own, so he was at least in good company.

"Alright," Hank declared proudly, "now just let me find that damn camera."

"Camera?" Connor questioned, concerned. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea that there would be photographic documentation of this.

"Yup, gotta get a picture," he responded, already pulling an old box from his closet to search for the elusive camera.

Connor followed after him, silently hoping he wasn't going to find what he was looking for. "Why?" he asked.

Hank held up the camera triumphantly. It was an old model, a polaroid if he was seeing it correctly. He wished his scanners weren’t still broken. It was incredibly inconvenient having to rely on observation and questions for the majority of his information gathering.

The Lieutenant smiled at him and waved the device happily. “It’s all part of the tradition,” he said matter of factly. “Every year, we take a Christmas photo. That way, we can look back and see how we’ve changed over the years.”

Connor frowned but followed Hank as he returned to the living room. Sumo got up from where he had been sleeping as though excited for a photo session. He was genuinely touched that the man wanted to include him in these things, but the logic behind them still escaped him. “Hank,” he said, “I’m an android. I won’t change from year to year.”

“Oh really?” Without warning, he raised the camera and snapped a picture of him. Connor blinked in surprise, the camera flash making stars dance in his remaining vision. Hank took the photo as it printed, shaking it to make the picture appear. He looked at it briefly before handing it to him. “That sure as hell doesn’t look like the same android that dragged my drunk ass out of a bar a year ago.”

Hank was right, he did look different.

Connor stared at the photo, running a finger over the image. He hadn’t realized that he had changed so much. He knew that he was different emotionally, deviating had drastically shifted that, but he had assumed there was not much of a change to his outward appearance. Well, besides…

“Hey, kid, that’s not what I meant,” Hank said softly.

He looked up, only then realizing his hand had raised to cover his broken LED. His damage was likely the most drastic of the changes he had sustained, but he knew that wasn't what Hank was referring to.

“I know,” he insisted, lowering his hand and glancing back at the picture. “I guess, I just hadn’t realized the damages were so… prominent.”

 “They're not that bad, Connor. I promise.” Hank moved closer, taking the photo from his hand. “You look fine. Still goofy as hell, but you look fine. I was talking about how you finally got that stick out of your ass. You actually look like a person now.”

Hank’s approval meant more to him than it should. He wasn’t a particularly vain person, but knowing that his broken appearance wasn’t revolting to the Lieutenant felt good. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.

“You’ve got nothing to thank me for,” he insisted, but gave him an understanding smile. “Now come on, grab Sumo. We’ve got a family photo to take.”

Connor didn’t even think about arguing.

[mk-wizard]

Let me explain how Transformers are not robots

Hi, fans. Today, I am not discussing a theory, but something that is a fact and perhaps the most denied, resisted and challenged fact in all of Transformers lore: they are not robots.

I have gone as far as having long debates with even my own husband about this subject, but the truth is the truth whether you like it or not. Maybe they were introduced as robots and maybe their definition of what a robot is can be different from Earth’s, but they are not robots and when you stop and think about it, they never were. And here is the list of reasons to back it up and I am only counting facts that Hasbro has confirmed as officially part of the Transformers lore;

They have parts (organs) that cannot be replaced by building a new one from scratch. They either get crude replacements or they require an organ donor to replace the part that is lost. Also, these same parts can sometimes be deformed which affects performance. The most obvious they cannot simply replace is their T-cog which is the unique organ that Transformers have that gives them their ability to transform. If this gets damaged or lost, it cripples that ability leaving them as an unchanger. It is also possible for a T-cog to be deformed in which case the Transformer is an unhcanger at birth or has trouble transforming. This organ can only be replaced by a donor or corrected with surgery. It cannot be built. In fact, even body parts like hands, optics and even a foot cannot simply be replaced. They can be put back on, but trying to make a new one is not that simply and at times, the fact that it is a prop shows as seen with Prime Ultra Magnus’ hand, Prime Breakdown’s optic being lost for good and Animated Red Alert’s hand being replaced with a tool. If they were robots, their parts would work like an assembly line of which they are easily replaced and made from scratch. The fact that not even a hand can work this way for Transformers is proof that they are not robots. Like us, if they lose a body part, they won’t be the same. They are even made up of something called CNA which is what DNA is to us. In fact, they share many organs with us like bones and veins.

They have genders and this has been confirmed since the IDW comics and Beast Wars. I admit that initially, they didn’t have genders in the time of G1 which caused confusion for the G1 fans later, but this fact was officially changed by the Beast Wars era. They have biological genders and work the same way as ours. With that said, as radical as it sounds, they come to be through reproduction like us not through being built. Yes, they can be put back together if broken apart, but they don’t come into the world like that. Every Transformer has a mother and father biologically just like you and me.

They can age and die which is something robots cannot do. A robot may wear and tear with time and its batteries will eventually run out, but it never actually was alive to begin with, it never ages and it doesn’t die. You can simply replace the robot’s batteries and they will be fine. As we have seen especially Alpha Trion since G1, Transformers can age and even grow old. And in Rescue Bots, we see that they even start off in the world as children. And most notably, once a Transformer dies, it’s for good. Optimus was the exception through a miracle of Primus. The norm is that death is forever with them. And if you want to look at this from a spiritual perspective if you’re devout like me and believe in that stuff, they have an afterlife where their souls go which is the Allspark. If the ability to age and die while having a soul is not the definitive trait of being a living being, I don’t what is.

They have biological familial relationships which is impossible for a robot. Since the days of G1, we saw many examples of this; - The Lamborghini twins are twin brothers. - In some continuities, Optimus and Ultra Magnus are either cousins or brothers. - Hound and Mirage are cousins. I don’t know if they are close or distant ones, but it is why they share similar powers. - In some continuities including G1, it is subtly hinted that Elita-One is Alpha Trion and Beta Maxx’s biological daughter. - G1 Arcee is Beast Wars Rattrap’s great aunt. - In some continuities, the Prime system is hierarchical meaning from parent to child so all Primes are family. The Megatron system works the same way. - In some continuities, Ratchet is a father and grandfather. - In Rescue Bots, Ratchet is Medix’s uncle. - The Constructicons are brothers. - In Animated, Jetstorm and Jetfire are twin brothers. - While it was initially a joke that he had a mother, it is now a fact that Optimus Prime had loving parents who sadly, were two of the many casualities in the war. I don’t know which one was the Prime though. - In current times, each Dinobot is a parent. - In Animated, Bulkhead came from a big family. - In Animated, Kup has a nephew. - In the comics, it is hinted that Wheeljack has a son out of wedlock.

They can get sick or hurt which is also impossible for a robot. As we have seen since the days of G1, Transformers have health needs and cannot only emotionally feel, but also physically feel for better or for worse. When they get injured, they don’t just simply break. It hurts and in some cases, the severity of an injury can have repercussions such as permanent damage. In the case of Fixit, he is handicapped for life because of the injuries he sustained from his crash. In some fights, Transformers have wound up dead. Which leads us to the diseases they can endure which can be fatal. And unlike a robot that simply acts wonky or nutty when bugged, Transformers act like we do when they are sick. They are weak, they are in pain, they moan and even physically look awful hence needing to stay in bed. And like us, these diseases require treatment.

They can have handicaps and imperfections which cannot simply be corrected by repairing or rebuilding. If a Transformer has a handicap of any kind especially a mental one or suffers from some kind of insanity, you can’t just simply reboot them or fix their processor (brain). And they can have imperfections such as not all having the same level of fitness or even being fat or possibly even being physically deformed. And like an organic person, sometimes, you cannot simply operate on them to fix it because it can be dangerous. For example, it has been confirmed that Lugnut is hideously deformed (though that didn’t stop Strika from loving him), it is hinted that Megatron is a mutant and years of forced surgery to be a great miner mutated him further, and it has been confirmed that out of all the cop Autobots, Prowl is chubby and a lot of evidence points to most versions of Optimus being fat. A robot cannot suffer from insanity, it cannot gain or lose weight and they cannot mutate because they don’t have a biology.

So there you all have it. Proof that the Transformers are not robots and these are facts Hasbro backs up. I hope it has cleared the air and ceased the confusion. Take it or leave it. Personally, I like the fact that they aren’t robots because I find it makes them more interesting and dynamic. That and I find the fact that they can have families endearing. And as side note, the fact that Optimus Prime had kind loving parents.

If you have a Transformers theory or fact you want explored, let me know in my ask box and I will delve into it.

Thanks for reading and talk to you later. EDIT: Forgot to add a fact. Added sickness and injury now. EDIT 2: More significant things have been added to the family list. Plus, another significant fact came to mind.

[fizzingwizard]

I’ve missed two days now so I guess I’m just gonna be sporadic with this ;_; but I managed something for day 4 of Triweek!

The theme is “Grief.” There’s a lot of grief in Tri and at first I planned to do a bunch of short snippets for several characters, but Daigo’s ran away with me. I really REALLY liked Daigo and Maki in Tri, and I so wish Maki especially had had a more satisfying arc (like, I don’t mind her having a “bad end” as they say, it just felt underdeveloped, and Nishijima’s sacrifice was moving but it left me wanting to know so much more about him). I also especially loved Daigo and Taichi’s interactions, so I guess mix it all together and you get this ficlet.

By the way, thanks to the folks who liked/reblogged last time ^^ This fic isn’t as silly but I hope you still like it.

---

Tri week day 4 - Grief - Dream Big

When they made it home at last, it was to find - nothing much had changed.

Except, of course, for absolutely everything.

Home was such a strange idea. A place where he could eat till he was full, sleep the whole night through without the vaguest fear that something might come creeping up on him while his guard was down. Still, Daigo fell back into those comfortable patterns, of being a child in a house with parents to look after him, with practiced ease. It was silly. He had just saved the world. That meant he was an adult now, or at least it should.

But whether or not you're a hero, mothers are mothers. And his would insist on interrupting his favorite movie to ask what he wanted for dinner. And he'd whine at her about it. Whining felt amazing.

At first a day didn't go by without Bearmon crossing his mind. After all, his partner had accomplished so much. He'd morphed into such a grand evolution. There was nothing else like it. So the separation was... well, he felt with all that, it ought to make it easier.

It didn't really.

What a pity that they'd had to leave that not-so-distant world the way the did. So much unexplored. But they'd go back one day. He really believed so. They'd gone through so much that how could they not? And when they did, imagine the stories Bear- Baihumon would have to tell him.

He kept on believing it even after he fell out of contact with the others, other than Hime-chan. Their homes were scattered all over the country. Fora while they sent each other, but the years went by and everyone got busy, and... at some point, Daigo suspected it was just easier to focus on other things. Normal things sustaining normal lives.

The further they grew from it, the more their adventure felt like a game of make believe they'd let sink down from the clouds. It was time to send it back where it belonged.

Hime-chan wouldn't say so, but Daigo could tell she resented them. Of course she would see it as leaving their partners behind. And what Daigo would never tell her was that, sometimes, he wished he could do the same as them.

Because Hime-chan wouldn't let go. No matter what. And Daigo couldn't not see the damage. He waited and waited for time to heal her, or at least blunt her grief. It never did. Turns out a dull blade only hurts more.

One day she'd be like her old self, pretending she wasn't laughing at him, then shooting him coy, backwards glances. The next day...

Daigo had no time for grief.

Life was short. If the digital world had taught anything, it was that.

It made him impatient. He itched to run. But he couldn't. Because he couldn't leave Hime-chan behind, and she couldn't leave her partner.

So he helped her with her research. He followed her to the bureau, helped build it from the ground up. Mochizuki Meiko could be the answer, he thought for a while. Hime-chan loved that girl. Visiting her made Hime-chan light up, like she hadn't since she was a child. It wasn't a look she never had even while they were dating, much though it hurt to admit.

Adults have children in order to relive their childhood through them, he'd heard. Like some kind of symbiont. Or parasite.

Watching Mochizuki interact with Meicoomon brought back a flood of memories, but they seeemd to be all good ones. Full of light. This, Daigo thought, would help Hime-chan heal from the pain of losing Bakumon when nothing else could. She would finally be able to come home.

If only he knew.

If only he knew.

---

Why did he try to rescue Yagami? As if there was any chance he'd manage to reach him in time to pull him to safety. The earthquake had been overkill, honestly.

Stupid, he was stupid. He should have stayed put. At least he'd be in a position to help the kids stranded on the other side, who were certainly dealing with much more than a bunch of high schoolers knew how to handle. No matter how much of a genius Izumi was.

He was stupid. He didn't regret it.

Daigo didn't have time for regrets.

He'd liked Yagami since the day he met him. Before starting his stint as the calligraphy teacher at the high school, he'd been briefed on each of the so-called "Chosen Children" enrolled there. Sure, they piqued his curiosity, but there was no call for concern that he'd have trouble with his role of the hands-off observer. No, he had nothing to share with them. Anything they might have had in common had been lost long ago.

That Yagami was fun, though. Not the class clown, though all signs pointed to he'd absolutely been one when he was younger. But he'd grown up somewhat shy, at least around girls, which provided a convenient source of ammo for Daigo to tease him without mercy. Yagami got on well with classmates and teachers alike. He seemed, overall, open and good-natured, which made Daigo's job easier. (Both the observing and the teasing.)

But the kid wasn't so easygoing that keeping a lid on his secret had been a walk in the park. All the kids surprised them on a daily basis. Daigo had pegged Ishida for the suspicious type from the start, but he'd never expected him to go all James Bond like he did.

He liked Yagami and he thought Yagami liked him back. He was the type that bonded through jokes and ribbing and wasn't so emotionally demonstrative. That suited Daigo fine. There were certain other similarities between them too, but Yagami didn't need to know about those.

The way his scowl pulled his whole face down whenever he disapproved of Daigo never ceased to amuse. That he had no problem disapproving of a teacher was almost as funny as the fact that he believed he hid it well.

It was like having a little brother, a sort of mini-me. Perhaps, if he ever had a son, if that was ever in the cards for him, he would turn out somewhat like Yagami. Without the hair.

All of a sudden, Daigo felt he understood Hime-chan a lot better. So much for remaining detached.

... He supposed he could do worse. Than Yagami. For a son.

In fact, Yagami was probably better than him.

Daigo wondered, if Yagami ever lost his partner, what he would do. Would he never stop searching? Would that one moment in time consume the rest of his life, until finally it destroyed him? Like Hime-chan?

Or would he just... go numb, like Daigo?

Watching castles in the sky crumble one after the other and let it roll off his shoulders like it was nothing. Nothing, just the toll of living.

Daigo knew Hime-chan had drowned. He didn't know what made him so sure of it, but he supposed he just couldn't shake the feeling that nothing less than an ocean could put out that unrelenting fire of hers.

And he, Daigo, was adrift. Letting the current take him where it would, year after year. On and on. The river ran on, and on, and on, and on.

So the irony of dying in an explosion was not lost on him. All that cinematic drama, wasted on a guy who wore crocs to work. Whose rare bursts of anger always tumbled stillborn into the air, and who had just let himself get used to that.

He couldn't even get angry about dying.

He'd lost it, he guessed, in his Faustian bid to rid himself of grief.

Yagami's eyes were bright with sheer desperation. Daigo watched him trip around the small, dark room like a wild animal in a cage. All the while insisting he believed in that third hidden option, that choice that would make this all okay. If he really believed in it, he wouldn't look so panicked.

Ah, thought Daigo, with a sudden burst of clarity, like the bell of a clock striking the hour, so it was despair all along.

There were many things he owed Yagami, things he ought to tell him. But now he just talked. Talked selfishly, knowing somewhere, Yagami was screaming himself hoarse. That love and betrayal and confusion were about to reach a fever pitch. And he'd have to make a choice. Rage, or numbness.

Or... maybe a hidden, third option.

Daigo raised his fist.

"Dream big,"

he said.