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fiveisnumber1 · 1 month ago

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Timeless - Five Hargreeves X Reader

Main story parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38

A/N: Sorry, this took a bit. I was actually pretty close to finishing it before season 4 came out. Then I watched season 4 and fell into a rut for a bit because it was so disappointing and upsetting. Anyway, I finally got my energy to write back and have finally managed to finish it! Also, the title of this chapter is inspired by the song I'm Just Sayin' by Weathers so for any who are interested I'd recommend to go take a listen to it! Alright, thanks! Enjoy!

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Pt 39 - Hate And Love Are Starting To Taste The Same

From where he stood, Five watched as you got into what he could only assume was Dean's car and drove off. Staying in place for a moment, he looked at the number you had written on his arm. Using a finger he traced over the little heart you had drawn. It was a nice detail. Even in one of your worst moments you still took the time to show him you loved him. Although, the more he looked at it, the more he wanted to rush to a phone and call you already. It wasn't an emergency in the normal sense, but he still needed you. He knew he couldn't call though. You needed your space, and he had to trust you'd come back when you were ready to. Seeing as you probably weren't coming back for a bit, Five pulled down his sleeve, turned away from the doors, and walked back to his siblings at the bar. The silence was awkward as he approached, but it didn't last as Diego snapped,

"You just let her go!?"

"I had no choice." Five responded flatly "Even if I held on she could've just used her powers to leave."

"And what if she gets hurt?" Diego interrogated

"I don't know..." Five answered honestly "I just have to hope that she doesn't."

"But you're her boyfriend!" Diego retorted "It's your job to keep an eye on her."

Hearing that comment, Five side-eyed Diego. It's not like he wanted to let you go. Like he had said, he had no choice in the matter. And Diego sure was one to talk. For so long he touted himself as this amazing older brother, this superior protector who was far better at keeping you safe than Five was, and yet these past few days he had done anything but protect you. You grieved your dead parents and he didn't pay attention. You got torn by a kugelwave and instead of helping you, he turned his attention to Stan. You left the hotel and he had no clue where you went. You cried over the fact that your friends got blitzed and instead of comforting you, he comforted Stan who was scared of your residual power. And yet even with all the evidence, Diego still had the audacity to blame Five for your lack of physical and mental safety. Even when he was doing everything he could to ensure the opposite. Maybe instead of blaming him, Diego should take a long look in the mirror given that you had still expressed your love for Five, but had just fully rejected Diego.

"First of all, that was also supposed to be your job, but as we can all see, you failed at that." Five reminded "Secondly, I wouldn't be a very good boyfriend if I forced her to do something she didn't want to do. She respects and trusts my decisions even when she disagrees. It's only right that I do the same for her."

Diego opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but what could he say? Five was right. In some way or another, he had failed you and now you wanted nothing to do with him. Diego closed his mouth knowing he had nothing to reply and instead looked at the knives you had tossed on the ground. Letting out a sigh, Diego slowly bent down to pick them up. One by one he placed them in empty slots in his knife holster and when he ran out of space he carefully pocketed the rest. Standing back up, Diego gave Five a mournful look before returning to his spot by the bar. Taking a seat at one of the stools, he took a long drink from his glass. Stan looked at Diego, not out of any concern, but because of all the shiny knives that were now on his person. Looking at Diego excitedly, Stan asked,

"Can I have them?"

"No." Diego snapped

Diego could see the startled expression on Stan's face. He didn't mean to do that, Stan had already been through enough today. Letting out another sigh, Diego placed his glass down and looked directly at Stan.

"I'm sorry..." Diego apologized before sadly adding "But no, you can't have them."

"But she said-" Stan began to protest

"They're not yours, Stan. They belong to (Y/N)." Lila sternly enforced "You can't have them."

Letting out an annoyed huff, Stan walked away from the pair and sat down at a nearby table, slumping low in his seat to show his disdain. However, neither Diego nor Lila paid it much attention. Sitting in the seat next to Diego, Lila put a supportive hand on his shoulder. Putting his glass down, Diego's eyes met Lila's and in them she could see so much sorrow. His fire was dimmed and it broke her heart to think that she had maybe been the cause of this. She loved him. Diego didn't know Stan wasn't actually his. It was just supposed to be an experiment to see if he'd be a good dad. She was never trying to push you two apart. She didn't even think it was possible. She couldn't stand to see Diego so broken. If she could, she was going to try and fix this, for the both of you.

"She'll come back around." Lila comforted

"I hope so..." Diego lamented

"She will." Lila reassured, "I promise."

As Lila attempted to comfort Diego, Five had walked back behind the bar again. Pouring himself a new glass of whiskey, since Klaus had stolen his first, Five took a drink from the glass before looking at his siblings again. There was an awkward silence as everyone looked around, but it was soon broken as Luther questioned,

"So that thing? It was?"

"A Kugelwave." Five responded despondently "And It's getting worse."

"And all those kids they're...?" Viktor trailed off, the concern evident in his tone

Five grimaced. Those 'kids' weren't just anyone, they were your friends, and if things had worked out they could've been his friends. Hell, with the way they treated him maybe they already were, and now he was down six friends too.

"They're gone." Five answered "And we can only hope that their souls are in a better place."

Hearing Five's response, the wheels in Luther's head finally started to turn. With all the chaos that had ensued from the wave, his thoughts had whipped back and forth trying to figure out what to think and do. But with things settled down, he finally realized that Lucas was gone. But not just gone, he was gone gone.

"Oh no, that thing took my son!" Luther exclaimed, "What am I going to tell Sloane!"

"What's there to tell?" Allison snidely remarked, "You're not his real parents."

Luther glared at Allison, disgusted by her comment. Lucas may not have been his son for long, but he was still his son. Sure, it was a surprise to him, and sure it took your convincing to agree, but Lucas was a good kid. And in those few minutes they were together Luther felt like he had done a better job as a father to Lucas than Reginald had ever done for Luther. He honestly wished he had gotten to know his son better and introduced him to his mother. Who knows, maybe the three of them could've been happy together. And anyway, just because Lucas was late-term adopted didn't make him his son any less. Diego had a surprise son and Allison wasn't doubting his legitimacy. And on top of it, Luther and the rest of his siblings were all adopted too so what kind of authority did Allison think she had on what counted as legitimate parenthood?

"Yes, we are!" Luther replied defensively "Don't talk about my son like that."

Seeing the budding argument between Luther and Allison, and wanting to avoid the topic of parenthood for Diego's sake, Lila interjected,

"Five, how long do we have?"

Luther and Allison side-eyed each other but quickly turned their attention to Five. Finding out how much time they had left was only marginally more important than the argument they were heading toward. Although the resentment was still evident.

"At this rate of escalation, if you factor in-" Five began to explain

"How long, Five?" Allison pressed, cutting him off

So much for Five letting them down gently. After all that happened, he wanted to at least be neutral about their possibly imminent demise, but if bluntness was what they wanted, bluntness was what they would get.

"Four, maybe five days before the rest of existence is blitzed." Five answered

His bluntness had the exact reaction that he was expecting as all of his siblings and Lila let out heavy sighs and stared off into space. He watched as Allison took a heavy drink from her glass before walking behind a nearby pillar to be out of sight. However, even though she was out of sight it did not hide the sound of her panicked breaths. Well, Five couldn't say he didn't try to be sensitive about it. However, there was still a feeling of defeat after all that had occurred. Downing his glass, he then crossed his arms on the bar before leaning down and resting his head on his arms. It's not like there was much else to do.

"We should've given them Harlan..." Luther mumbled

"Luther." Viktor chastised

"What about Harlan?" Diego questioned

The rest of the family looked over to Luther. What was going on with Harlan and why was it important to this conversation? Realizing that it was too late to take back his words, but also that he did not want to hide this information Luther explained,

"The Sparrows said if we turned him over, we could end the fighting, and then work together to save the world."

Hearing this information the rest of the group perked up. Why hadn't they heard about this before?

"But if we didn't-" Luther continued

"But we tried to make peace. Okay? And then the step-siblings from hell attacked, kidnapped you, and they tried to kill us." Viktor chimed in cutting Luther off "I mean, come on. We can't trust them. Working together would be like trying to defuse a bomb by pouring gas on it. It's only gonna make things burn down faster."

"But don't we need the big bad glowy thing in their basement?" Klaus chimed in

As Five heard those words, he blinked a few times in confusion. Was Klaus talking about what he thought he was talking about? All this time, did Klaus have highly important information that he hadn't felt necessary to bring up until now? Slowly, Five turned to look at his eccentric brother as he questioned curiously,

"Klaus, do you know where the Kugelblitz is?"

"Oh, yeah. I saw it. When I went to visit Dad." Klaus replied nonchalantly "It's in the old storage room where Mom used to keep all her luggage."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Diego interrogated

"I did!" Klaus exclaimed, "I told you!"

"You say stupid shit all the time!" Diego shouted back before quietly adding "...important stupid shit."

Five slammed the empty glass he had been fiddling with on the bar top and stood up straight as he looked at Klaus. His thoughts which only a moment ago were despondent and wondering how he would spend his last day, were now reinvigorated with some type of hope of fixing things. He couldn't bring the loved ones you lost back, but if he could get access to the Kugelblitz he could stop it from hurting you and maybe you could build a life together where you both learned how to be happy again.

"Of course. It appeared in the same place we did." Five spoke aloud

Five felt a little stupid for not realizing this sooner. Why didn't he think to check the house? It made sense that it would appear there, that's where the paradox formed. Exactly, where they first showed up. Plans ran through Five's head of the quickest ways to get access to the Kugelblitz and the most effective ways to eliminate it. The sooner they did this, the more chance there was for a future.

However, Viktor knew that the tide had turned against him now. Everyone was most likely going to use Harlan as a pawn to get to the Kugelblitz, but he didn't deserve that. He needed a way to keep Harlan out of this. Trying to put his thoughts together, Viktor walked away from the bar and closer to the front desk, but he wouldn't get the time to himself as Luther had already followed him questioning,

"Hey, why are you protecting this guy, huh? It's like Peabody all over again."

Turning around to face Luther, Viktor knew he needed to try and get him off his back. Viktor was metaphorically trapped in a corner and he needed to find a way out of this.

"Harlan is nothing like Leonard." Viktor defended

"Well, he's clearly got some kinda hold over you." Luther protested "Stop covering for him."

There was nothing Viktor wanted more than to leave the conversation, but that became infinitely more complicated as the rest of his family approached him and Luther. Five looked between the two of them. They had been acting odd ever since Luther had brought up the deal the Sparrows offered. Even though it was probably the best plan, it was obvious Viktor wasn't in favor of it because of what it meant for Harlan, but it seemed like there was more to it that Luther was trying to address. Trying to get a clearer picture of what was going on Five asked,

"Covering what? What's going on?"

"He didn't mean to hurt anyone." Viktor dismissed

"Really? You mean, when he did this?" Luther interrogated, gesturing to the cut on Viktor's face

The rest of the group turned their attention to the scar on Viktor's face and it was not pretty. How had they not noticed it earlier? Well, perhaps because of everything that happened, but still it was right there on his face. Granted, it was not as large or deep as the gashes you received from the Kugelwave, but it wasn't small either.

"Ow," Lila commented

"Wait, Harlan did that?" Five questioned

"That's it, I'm gonna end him." Diego threatened

Viktor looked around nervously at his siblings and Lila. He didn't want this to be happening. Every insinuation or accusation that Luther shot his way was just one more reason for the rest of them to be all in on giving Harlan to the Sparrows. Viktor couldn't let that happen, if he did he'd be failing Harlan. He'd be failing Sissy for putting her son in harm's way. He never meant to hurt anyone, it was accidental. He was innocent.

"Look, I know how it looks, but Harlan didn't ask for this. If we hadn't gone back to 1963, if I hadn't saved him-" Viktor tried to deescalate

"He killed Jayme and Alphonso, not you." Luther retorted angrily, "He's the reason we're in this mess, and he's our only way out of it."

Although at this point Five wanted a distinct decrease in interpersonal conflict, no matter what way he looked at it Luther was right. Every plan he had started with getting access to the Kugelblitz without Sparrow intervention or retaliation. And the only plans in his mind that seemed to be plausible for that were the ones where Harlan was traded for access. It was a trolley problem, but the choice was easy to make.

"Luther's right." Five agreed "If we're gonna have an iota of a chance of getting out of this alive, we need access to the Kugelblitz."

"There's only four of them left. We can just overpower them." Viktor retorted frustrated

Five looked at Viktor bewildered. That was a stupid idea. It might've been only four of them, but they were still an incredibly strong team. Did Viktor forget the last time they fought the Sparrows? They got their asses kicked unbelievably hard. Trying to fight the Sparrows again was like willingly signing their death certificates.

"What, and risk losing some of us in the process?" Five snapped

"What? Like your girlfriend?" Viktor retorted

Five's bewilderment morphed into rage. How dare Viktor insinuate that you were weak and would die if they all tried fighting the Sparrows. Not only was that not true since you, one, beat all of them on your own, but two, they LIKED you. Even if you fought on the Umbrellas' side, the Sparrows most likely wouldn't be willing to engage you in that fight given the prior reasons. And on top of it all now, Five was very willing to sacrifice Viktor if it meant you stayed alive. Any concerns that Five might've had about sacrificing Harlan went out the window the second Viktor made that comment.

"No. Actually, she would be fine." Five berated "Because unlike you and the rest of us, she was able to single-handedly beat the Sparrows."

Viktor grimaced at Five's comment. Viktor's words came out before he fully thought them through and now there was no way he was getting Five back on his side. He had to try though, right? Opening his mouth, he was about to speak, but didn't get the chance as Luther remarked,

"Yeah, but we don't have her help now because someone had to make her hate us all."

Anger filled Diego as he whipped to face Luther. He had never meant to upset you, and to have whatever mistake he made thrown in his face did not feel good. But since Luther wanted to keep score of what caused your anger, Diego would too. Stepping up to Luther, Diego shouted,

"You made the family comment!"

"Well, YOU pissed her off enough to think that way!" Luther shot back "How hard was it to say 'yes, I love you'?!"

"ENOUGH." Five yelled

This conversation was heading in a direction that he didn't want to go to. You were upset and that's why you left. There was no discussion necessary because everyone was to blame. If they didn't cause the Kugelblitz none of this would be an issue. But unfortunately, they did cause it so now they needed to focus on fixing the problem. With the two giant idiots now quiet, Five turned back to Viktor and let out a heavy breath before more calmly saying,

"Listen Viktor, Harlan is insignificant."

"You told me once that no one is insignificant." Viktor replied

Five went quiet as he heard his words thrown back in his face. He had said that because it was true. In the grand scheme of timelines and outcomes, anyone could affect what happened. But things were different now. Now, they were talking about one person versus the rest of the world. Yes, Harlan was significant, but he also wasn't. He was the key to getting in the door of the academy and saving the world but after that, in the grand scheme of things he didn't matter.

Viktor looked around at his siblings waiting for someone to say something, but no one spoke. In that moment, Viktor tried his best to appeal to the humanity in his siblings, by quietly stating,

"They'll kill him."

However, his appeal was met with blank stares from the rest of the group. However, it didn't mean they had thoughts on what he said. Speaking up, Lila stated the obvious fact of the matter, saying,

"Uh, so? We are talking about one person versus saving billions of lives here. I mean, is this really a debate for you people?"

"Hey, Little Britain? You don't get a vote." Viktor angrily retorted

"Lila lives in this universe too." Klaus finally chimed in "Besides, she's family now. Kinda, sorta."

"Thanks, kitten." Lila thanked

"I don't give a shit about the Sparrows," Diego interjected "But I'm not gonna let scary-ass Grandpa finish you off."

"Five days ago, he was just a little kid." Viktor pleaded "And what? Now I'm supposed to just decide whether he lives or dies?"

Although Five was still upset at Viktor's comments and was fully ready to hand Harlan over to the Sparrows, he still cared about his brother. And his brother cared about Harlan. It was difficult, but if they were going to save the world and all the people left in it they had to trade Harlan to the Sparrows. It was the only way.

"Viktor, we're down to ethical triage here, all right? We can't save everyone." Five explained gently "The kindest cut wins."

Stepping forward from the rest of the group Luther looked down at Viktor. This was difficult, but it was necessary. Viktor had always wanted to be a full member of the Umbrella Academy, do what they did, and now this was his opportunity whether he liked it or not.

"You always wanted to be on the team. This is what it is." Luther added, mimicking Five's gentle tone "Saving the world means making the hard calls."

"I hate this." Viktor replied quietly

"Yeah, I know." Luther sympathized before quietly stating "I'll go get him."

Luther started to walk past Viktor. He knew how difficult this would be for Viktor so instead of arguing about it, Luther internally volunteered himself to go. But before he could get too far, Viktor turned to face him.

"Wait, no." Viktor called before adding "Let me do it. He trusts me. I can convince him to come quietly."

Before anyone could protest his decision, Viktor had already walked passed Luther and gone up the stairs toward the room Harlan was in. With Viktor gone and the beginnings of a plan in place, the rest of the group slowly dissolved as most of them went their separate ways in the hotel until it was time to trade Harlan to the Sparrows. As the rest of his siblings and Lila walked off he stayed at the bar, pouring himself another drink and wondering where you went.

The thing was, you didn't really know where you were going. Driving away from the Hotel Obsidian, you made your way down the apocalyptic streets of the city. There were even more abandoned cars, missing posters drifted in the wind, and random items were scattered about the sidewalks. The world seemed to have no direction, but neither did you. Where could you go when the city you once called home was now a graveyard? Your brain was numb and while your eyes were on the road, you weren't particularly focused. It was as if you were driving for driving's sake. Trying to escape something, but you couldn't quite get away.

Physically you were alive. Your heart still beat, your synapses still fired, your organs were all in relative working order, but mentally, you had died. You didn't know where to go. Most places that came to mind were just another reminder of what you had lost. Your head spun as you thought of your friends. Their laughter. Their voices. You swore you could hear it, clear as day.

"Where are we going, (Y/N)?" You heard Addison ask

Hearing her voice, your eyes shot up to the rearview mirror only to be met with a set a deep brown eyes looking back at you. But with your powers, you could feel that no one was there. Quickly, you turned off into a side alley before parking the car. Closing your eyes, you placed your hands over them as you quietly said,

"I can't do this again..."

"Do what, (Y/N)?" Kenny's voice asked

You gripped tighter at your head as if that would make him go away, but you knew it wouldn't. And just like that, it was as if you were 13 again. Stuck in a new world, with no parents, no home, and all your friends gone. You were the one thing you never wanted to be.

Alone.

You had worked so hard to get the Umbrellas out of your head after you lost them. You pushed through night terrors and vivid visages of your beloved friends trying to return to some semblance of normalcy. You had pushed away the pain of their loss, half through brute force and half through the support of others like Grace, Eudora, and...Diego. But now, you had no strength to push through, nor anyone to lend you support. Yes, you had Five, but he had more important things to worry about, and so you were right back where you started. Sad, alone, and begging for the phantom visions of your lost friends to not hurt you any further.

Lifting your head from your hands, you looked into the rearview mirror again. Tears began to well up as you saw the faces of your friends in the reflection. You tried to find your composure, but could only manage to gain a few scraps of it.

"You're not real." You stated, your voice wavering

"Of course we're real," the vision of Lucas replied "We're your friends."

"I don't want this!" You shouted, the tears falling from your eyes

"But you want us enough to need it." Dean's visage replied calmly

Dean was right. You wanted your friends back so badly that your head was creating them for you. It was the same reason it did so when you lost the Umbrellas. It was supposed to be comfort, but it was still pain. And for as much as you wanted them back, you didn't have the strength to do this. It hurt too much. Your eyes shut as you held your head in your hands once more. Your hands covered your ears as your fingers gripped tightly at your hair. Curled up as best as you could in the driver's seat, you screamed,

"GET OUT!"

Things went quiet, and when you opened your eyes, they were gone. Slowly, you turned around to look at the back seat. It was completely empty except for a few items scattered about it. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you leaned over the console into the back as you picked them up. Lucas' sunglasses. Addison's lucky bracelet. Kenny's flask. Bren's leather jacket. You pulled Viktoria's phone out of your pocket and placed it in the pile in your arms. With each item, you pressed them against your chest, holding them close as you began to sob once more. This was all you had left of them. A car and everything in it.

You didn't know how long it took to stop crying, but once you did, you felt empty again. At this point, you had given up on miracles, but you wished you could at least have something to distract your mind. Maybe if you got some air something would come along to distract you. You looked down at the objects in your arms. You didn't plan on going far, but you couldn't leave them behind. You had to keep your friends close. Carefully you placed the objects down on the passenger seat as one by one you placed them on your body. You put Bren's jacket on, followed by Addison's bracelet. Kenny's flask went into one jacket pocket while Lucas' sunglasses went in the other, on the same side you wore Addison's bracelet. They were in love, you had to keep the two of them together somehow. And then you placed Viktoria's phone back into your pants pocket. With all of them accounted for, you turned the car off and took Dean's keys out of the ignition.

Stepping out of the car you locked the driver's side door, but before you could walk away something told you to open the trunk. You were pretty sure you knew what was in there. The bag of money Kenny stole, the bag of fanfiction Viktoria put together, and the miscellaneous clothes that your friends had worn prior to the thrift store, and yet you still felt compelled to open it. Walking to the back of the car, you stuck the key into the trunk lock and opened it up, and while you saw exactly what you thought would be there, the was one more item you didn't expect.

Dean's bow and arrows.

The only time he ever took it off was to drive and for some reason going into the hotel was the one time he didn't bring it with him. You let out a sigh as you carefully picked up the bow and quiver of arrows. Granted, it wasn't his old bow, it was the one you gave him, but even for the one day he had it, it was his. And with this discovery, the three things your brother loved most were all in one place: his bow, his car, and you. But he wasn't here to be with them. It was your job to take care of it now. Anyway, with your knives gone, you needed a new projectile weapon so it seemed that this would be your best option. Throwing the quiver over your shoulder you attached the bow to it the way you had seen Dean do many times before. With that settled you closed the trunk of the car, locking it with the key once more before looking ahead. Walking to the front of the car, you patted the hood as you said,

"Stay here, Veronica. I'll be back."

And with that, you started to walk down the alley you had parked in and took a look at the surroundings. On your right, there was the backside of brick buildings and to your left, it looked like that of a warehouse. There was something familiar about this place, as if you had been here before. However, you had lived in this city practically your whole life so many places felt familiar. But this, this was different. It was uncanny. And then you saw it, a set of double doors that you had encountered before. This wasn't just any warehouse. This was the warehouse you almost died in at 17. Out of all the alleys you had pulled into, you ended up in this one. It was almost funny the way the world toyed with you. In your timeline, this place had burned to the ground, but in this one that had never happened and so here it was completely intact. You stood in front of the double doors and contemplated going in. You hesitated for a moment wondering if reminding yourself of that day would be good for you right now, but it wasn't like your day could get much worse at this point, right?

With a shrug of your shoulders, you walked through the doors and into the building. Light came in through the dirty and broken windows illuminating the copious amount of dust. Machines sat broken and the place was abandoned as ever. You wondered what happened in this timeline for it to be left in this condition. In your old one, it was still functioning just severely unsecured. Making your way down the halls you came to a large opening, and found yourself in the same room where everything had gone down five years and two timelines ago. It was still terribly humid in the place, but the air felt mustier than you recalled. Looking around, you could practically see the events of that day replaying in front of you.

Melted guns on flesh, arrows to organs, broken skulls, snapped necks, drowning from the inside, you remembered how all of it played out. You recalled the way in which your body tore at itself from overusing your powers, the current wounds on your forearm and collarbone mimicking the ones you got that day. And then over to the side of the room you saw it, the now-defunct and most likely empty gas tank. Unlike that day when you had rushed over, today you walked slowly, your steps echoing across the floor as you remembered the events that occurred. The last drug dealer alive threw his lighter into the tank and Bren didn't notice as he began to run beside it. You stopped walking and looked at the spot you now stood in. It was the same spot you had jumped over to and pushed Bren to the ground behind you. You mustered all the strength you had left that day to use your powers and protect him from the explosion. All you could recall was the terrified look on Bren's face and then everything went black.

A selfish part of you wished Kenny hadn't saved your life that day. If he hadn't then you would've never had to live without your friends. Never had to fight multiple apocalypses. Never had to grieve their deaths multiple times. Never have been left alone like this. But then again, you'd never want them to feel the pain that comes with the loss of a friend. You knew what that pain was like before you had ever lost them, and you would do anything to make sure they never felt that. Perhaps it was better this way, better for them to die together and you to be alone, rather than the reverse. The last thing you needed was your death turning your friends into the Hargreeves, although you hoped they knew how to stick together better than the Umbrella Academy. Nevertheless, it was an isolating situation as you quietly stood over the site of your almost-death.

However, the quiet did not last as you heard the sound of a door slam in the distance. With the sounds of footsteps approaching, you tried to use your powers to lift a nearby pallet so you could knock out whoever was coming, but all it did was make you feel nauseous. It didn't hurt you to use your powers, but you still needed time to recover from the last energy wave and surely you wouldn't last long in a fight. As the footsteps drew closer to the room you were in you knew you had no choice but to go for a more direct approach. Pulling out Dean's bow and an arrow you lifted it up and pulled the string back just as Dean would've. And as the figure rounded the corner into the room you were in you let the arrow fly. At rapid speed, the arrow shot toward the unknown figure and punctured straight into...the wall next to them.

"What the hell!" The figure shouted

Wait. You couldn't see the person, but you certainly recognized that voice.

"Benjamin?" You questioned, a mix of confusion and annoyance in your tone

You saw as he began to angrily march over to you. His expression was a mix of shock and exasperation. God damn it. You didn't want to deal with this asshole.

"You could've killed me!" Ben shouted angrily

"If I wanted you dead, you would be." You deadpanned

That wasn't fully true. You missed lodging the arrow in Ben's shoulder by about two inches. Dean had given you a few lessons on using his bow and arrow and while you were a decent shot you certainly weren't as good as he was. The only way you could match his accuracy was in your knife-throwing skills, but that wasn't an option anymore. However, that information did not matter because Ben didn't need to know it. What mattered was figuring out what his plan was though. If he was here, he had to have some type of motive.

"Why are you here?" You demanded

Ben stopped in his tracks as he heard your question. His attention locked on you as he retorted,

"I could ask you the same question."

Pulling out another arrow, you raised the bow up once more and aimed it at Ben. Since he was closer now, you were certain you wouldn't miss him this time. And while you didn't want to insinuate a potential fight, you needed him to answer so you could figure out if he was actually a threat or not.

"We both know how capable I am of killing you." You replied firmly "Answer my question."

"Fine." Ben spat "Just put the bow down."

Slowly, you lowered the bow and arrow, but you kept them in your hands, ready to raise them back up if necessary. You stayed quiet, looking at him sternly as you waited for his response. You watched as he took a moment to assess the situation, his eyes darting at the room, the bow, and you before he answered,

"Since the Umbrella Academy killed Alphonso and Jayme yesterday Fei has been sending out her birds to keep tabs on them. One of them spotted you coming here, so I came to investigate."

Your face filled with disgust at the way he spoke. He talked as if finding you here was some sort of retcon mission and the fact that you were possibly being tracked since yesterday did nothing to improve your mood. But then the actual words he said processed through your mind and your stern expression fell as a sad look overtook your face.

"Jayme and Alphonso are dead?" You questioned sadly

Ben looked at you. From where he stood your body language was more relaxed than it was a minute ago and while you still held the bow in your hands, he had a feeling that you weren't going to use it again. When Fei mentioned that one of her birds had spotted you out this way he knew he had to come find you. There was something about you that puzzled him and he wanted to figure it out. He didn't even care that Fei snickered at him as he rushed out the door to find you because he had to. But if he was going to find out why you were in an abandoned warehouse then it would be easier to do so up close. If he could see your face better, he could read you better. Believing that you weren't going to threaten him harm again, he slowly approached as he responded,

"Yeah. The weird old guy with the Umbrellas, Harlan. I watched him kill them."

Harlan? Wasn't that the little boy that Viktor had accidentally given powers to? It had been 50 years though so it makes sense he would've been an old man now. You wondered how he came to be in this area if he was from Texas. Had Viktor sought him out or did Harlan find Viktor? Either way, it was upsetting that two more losses had occurred even if you only knew them briefly. You looked at Ben. Unlike your Ben who you could easily read, this one was closed off. You couldn't tell if the death of his siblings affected him or not, but you weren't one to take familial death lightly. Carefully, you placed Dean's bow and arrow back into the quiver. Even if you weren't his biggest fan that didn't mean your sympathy completely went away. With sincerity in your tone, you said,

"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to go through that."

Ben paused, the slightest look of confusion on his face. He couldn't remember the last time someone expressed sympathy toward him. He tried to wrack his brain for at least one moment, but none came. No one had ever told him that he didn't deserve to go through the things he faced before. He looked at you intently, your voice was sincere, but he wanted to see if your face was too. He thought that maybe this was just a ploy to get his guard down, but when he looked at you, your expression was soft and your eyes, they were sad, but not in the disappointed way his family had looked at him before. Quite the opposite, your gaze was apologetic. You were genuinely sorry that his siblings had died. He stared at you unsure of what to say and slowly began to step closer, but as he looked at you he began to notice details about you that he hadn't before. Parts of your body were covered with gauze, your cream-colored outfit was splotched with maroon markings that he now realized were dried blood, and your eyes that were soft and apologetic toward him were red and puffy as if you had been profusely crying.

Seeing you this way, it was as if something ignited inside Ben. He could feel as his heart rate increased, the beat of it drumming faster than it did on any mission. He felt infuriated. Not at you, but at the fact that you looked this way. His hands shook slightly at his sides and he felt like he needed to go out and fight someone, but he didn't know who. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stand seeing you hurt like this. With a serious look on his face, and his voice firm and steady, he questioned,

"Who did this to you?"

Your sympathetic look contorted into a frown as you heard his question. Your wounds, both mental and physical, were fresh. The grief and rage of what had happened not to long ago still coursed through your veins.

"Blame the people who killed your siblings," You spat "Their selfish inaction is killing me."

Ben scowled. He already didn't like them, but knowing this made him even more disdainful. He couldn't explain it, but part of him wanted to march right into that hotel and start picking them off.

"The Umbrellas did this?" Ben questioned, vile in his tone

"The black hole caused by them existing in this timeline did this," You stated gesturing to your wounds before gesturing to your red and puffy eyes and adding "And their lack of initiative to stop it, leading to the deaths of my friends, caused this."

Ben's contempt for the Umbrellas continued as you elaborated on what had happened, but there was a part of him that felt a twinge of guilt. When Viktor and Allison came to the Academy to tell them that things were disappearing he initially dismissed them. Now that it had become a bigger issue he did recognize the threat, but he didn't really care about it until now when it had affected you. He wasn't going to open his mouth and tell you that though. Right now you weren't on good terms with the Umbrellas, so perhaps he could get you with him on the side of the Sparrows. It would be nice to have someone competent like you by his side. And also the Sparrows could use your strength. But to do that he had to continue to build some type of rapport. Trying to keep the conversation going, Ben asked,

"So why are you here?"

"I don't know. I just kinda ended up here." You explained, "I guess there's something familiar about the place where my friends' and I's fates were almost reversed."

"Almost reversed?" Ben asked curiously

"When I was seventeen I should've died in this warehouse. In this exact spot actually." You answered, pointing at the spot on the floor where you both stood "Only reason I survived was I took a massive dose of epinephrine straight to the heart."

Ben's face dropped upon hearing your words. His curiosity washed away and his gaze turned to look at the floor beneath his feet. He was standing on the spot where you almost died at seventeen. His body tensed and there was a pang of familiarity in his chest as wicked memories he tried to forget played in his mind. Seventeen...far too young to experience a near-death experience.

"How?" He asked quietly, his gaze still on the floor

Typically, this wasn't a topic you shared with others, but before you could stop yourself though the words just tumbled out of your mouth,

"My friend Brendon, Bren, he- he didn't know the gas tank over there was going to explode. He didn't see the lighter go in the tank and-"

You stopped. Your brain rushed with the events of that day again except this time everything moved slower. You had made your decision to jump in front of Bren in less than a second, but thinking about it again you recalled the one other thought you had before you jumped in front of him. You looked off in the distance toward the defunct gas tank.

"When Ben died, I technically didn't even exist. I couldn't save him. I never got the chance." You explained softly "But I could save Bren. So I did. I wasn't going to let history repeat itself and I didn't care what it would cost me."

Ben's gaze left the floor and back toward you once more. His eyes did not meet your own as you looked off in the distance, but he could see the pained look on your face. Mournful, sad, regretful. Part of him wanted to say something to you, that he was sorry for what happened, that you shouldn't have had to go through what you did, but it felt like the words were caught in his throat. He didn't really know how to articulate it because feeling this way was discouraged by his father. He said sympathy was weak, and yet you were stronger and far more favored by his father than him and still you were kind. But before he could find the ability to say something he saw you open your mouth to speak and so he kept his shut.

"But it doesn't matter because he and the rest of my friends are all gone and I'm telling you all these things because- I don't even know why!" You exclaimed frustrated before quietly adding, "Probably because you're the only one around..."

As you said those words you looked back at Sparrow Ben and for the first time his expression had no anger in it. It was gentle and...sympathetic. You paused. The way he looked at you, it was the same way your Ben would when he was concerned about you. When everyone else was off doing their own things during each apocalypse he always sought you out and made sure you were okay. And he looked just like that.

"What's that look for?" Ben questioned, noticing the change in your demeanor

"You just...look like Ben." You answered quietly, gesturing toward him

Ben's sympathetic look morphed into one of frustration as he exclaimed,

"I am Ben!"

Your face dropped as you heard his outburst. Your sad look changing into annoyance. He certainly was NOT Ben.

"Not to me. You're not my Ben." You deadpanned "You're Benjamin."

You were so infuriating. His name was Ben, he was Ben and you refused to acknowledge him as such. Why? Why wouldn't you address him properly?

"Why won't you call me Ben? It's my name!" Ben ranted

"You've never given me a reason to do so. You've never done anything to show me you deserve the name more than him."

Ben frowned at your answer. Everyone kept talking about this other Ben. This seemingly perfect other Ben. Why? What was the point of bringing him up? He was apparently dead while Ben was right here. And yet they all compared him to this other one.

"All of you treat this other Ben of yours like he's so special." Ben complained

"He's only special to them because he's dead. If he was alive they'd treat him the same way they treat each other." You snidely remarked "Poorly."

Ben looked at you surprised. Your tone was filled with contempt as you talked about how the Umbrellas treated each other. He could see your point though, they weren't quite a united front when it came to things and seemed to constantly undermine each other. However, your statement only covered why this other Ben was special to the Umbrellas.

"He wasn't special to you?" Ben asked confused

You let out a sigh. Quite the opposite, Ben was very special.

"No, he was. But it's because he was my friend. We worked well together, I saw him when no one else could and he listened to me when no one else would." You explained softly "That's what made him special. Who he was, not the fact that he was gone."

You missed Ben. When you told the Umbrellas he was the only one who treated you like family, you meant it. You made him feel seen and he made me feel heard. You saw him, you spoke to him, you gave him the recognition and connection that he had craved for all those years he was stuck with just Klaus. And he heard you, he noticed you when your demeanor changed, he sought you out and always made sure you were okay when no one else seemed to remember to. You respected each other. You understood each other. You missed the Ben who was your friend, your family, but all you were stuck with was his abrasive, confusing doppelgänger.

Ben stood still as he processed what you had said. He honestly didn't know how to react to your explanation since you spoke so kindly of him. Well, this other version of him. He was special because of who he was? Ben had heard something like that before from his father, but that was in relation to his powers and what he could do with them. However, special in that context meant to show how he was above others. In yours, it was a term of endearment. You liked that Ben. You cared for that Ben. But would you ever see him that way too? Ben tried to shake the thought from his head. He didn't like how easily you found your way into his thoughts. It was distracting. He needed to switch the topic.

Just a few minutes ago you had mentioned the black hole causing trouble in the world. Allison and Viktor had brought it up to him and Fei yesterday morning as well. Of course that was before they actually found it in the basement, but he wondered with your abilities did you know where it was?

"So this black hole...do you know where it is?" Ben asked, his tone indicating the awkward change in topic

You raised an eyebrow at him as you tried to figure out what he was getting at. Why would he jump from asking about Ben to asking about the black hole? Was he trying to get information out of you or was he just bad at conversation?

"Uh kinda..." You hesitantly responded, "I can sense its direction when a wave hits, but I can't feel its location without one."

"Why not?" Ben followed up

What kind of conversation was this? Could you even call it a conversation with how weird he was? It didn't really seem like he had an actual plan coming here and was just winging it. You were curious to see how this would play out though, it's not like there was much else of intrigue going on in your life.

"Because it's a fucked up black hole. It doesn't play by the rules." You replied before elaborating "When a wave happens, the black hole is releasing the potential energy that had built up inside it and distributing it across the world. As it does this it sucks certain things in with it because it needs more fuel so it can continue to sustain itself. When it's doing that I can feel it because its energy is disturbing everything."

"So you can't feel it now?" Ben followed up

Was that not what you had just explained? It's not like you were using a lot of big words or technical terminology. It's like he wasn't even paying attention. Did he actually care for your answers or was he just looking at you with a stupid expression just because?

"Were you not listening? Without a wave, it's in a homeostasis of sorts." You explained slightly more exasperated "All of its energy is contained inside of it while the outside is normal. Well, my definition of normal."

Ben could feel a slight heat rise to his face as you asked if he was listening. He was. Well, at least he thought he was. He was looking at you, and he was watching you speak, but the words seemed to fade away a little as he watched you. But he understood now, and to demonstrate his understanding he stated,

"Oh, so it's a paradox."

Okay, maybe he was listening to you. But if so that just meant his face looked stupid in general which was certainly unfortunate for him.

"Yeah, something like that. Schrödinger's energy." You replied "But that is for the Umbrellas to figure out. I literally don't care anymore."

A silence fell over the room. You looked at Ben and Ben looked at you, but there were no more words being exchanged. The silence wasn't awkward though, it just felt empty. It felt like there were more words or at least there should be more words. Maybe it was because you were lonely, but part of you wanted to talk more. Having someone to talk to, even if they weren't your first choice of person, was better than being alone and far surpassed accepting conversation with the voices in your head. But with nothing else to be said, there wasn't really any point in staying.

"Well, this has been...interesting, but I'm going to go now." You stated as you began to walk away

Ben looked at you shocked. No, no you couldn't go. He had only found you a few minutes ago. You had only just started talking. He hadn't even gotten a chance to get his bearings on the situation yet and now you were leaving? Where were you going? The only place you had was Hotel Obsidian.

"You're going back to the hotel?" He questioned

"And run into the life-ruining squad? No thanks." You scoffed back, continuing to walk "I'll figure out somewhere else to go."

Watching you walk away he knew he needed to do something to stop you and before he could even realize he had said it, Ben blurted out,

"Go to the Academy."

Stopping in your tracks, you turned to look back at him. You were surprised he had called out to you, but it was a decent suggestion. At this point where else did you have to go? You couldn't go back to Kenny's, you couldn't go home, and you still weren't ready to face the Hargreeves at the hotel again. And so, all that was left was the one place you kept coming back to. The Academy. With a shrug of your shoulders, You reluctantly replied,

"Okay."

Ben looked at you shocked. He didn't actually think that would work. He thought he was going to have to convince you more to go there. He had already started forming his argument in his head to try and get you to the Academy, but now he was at a loss for words.

"Wait? Really?" He questioned confused

"Yeah." You replied bluntly before turning around and beginning to walk away again

Ben stood frozen as he watched you walk away. He hadn't gotten far in his planning and once again you had flipped his brain upside down. You were so unpredictable. He hated how he couldn't understand you. At this point, all he wanted was to be able to understand you. It certainly would help to dispel the confusion he felt every time he interacted with you.

As you continued to walk toward the door you could feel that Ben was far behind you. Glancing over your shoulder you noticed him still standing in the same spot you had left him in. Encouraging him to follow you called out,

"Hurry up you cephalofuck!"

Snapping from his trance, Ben realized not only how far you were but what you had just called him. Cephalofuck? Really?! Quickly, he started to make his way over to you as he shouted,

"Don't call me that!"

You didn't respond though as you walked out of the main room of the warehouse and back to the door to the alleyway. As you retraced your steps to the door you came in you could hear the sound of speed walking behind you as Ben shouted,

"Wait up!"

You kept going though, and when you made it to the set of doors you came through, you walked through them back outside. Taking a step off to the side, you leaned against the brick exterior as you waited for Ben to exit the building. After a few moments, one of the doors widely swung open and you watched as Ben quickly looked around for you. Catching your gaze, Ben trudged over to you, his hands balled up angrily and his classic scowl present on his face.

"You could've waited for me!" He complained

"I'm waiting now, aren't I?" You remarked

Ben paused. You were so frustrating! You made him so frustrated! He didn't even know what to say. He stopped for a moment trying to find the words, but through gritted teeth, all he could do was point and say,

"My car is that way."

The way he was pointing was in the complete opposite direction of Dean's car and you couldn't just leave Veronica here. It would be wrong. That was your brother's baby. That car is your first niece. Her father was dead, you couldn't just abandon her. You'd be a terrible aunt for that.

"Yeah, no." You rejected "I'm not abandoning the car I came in. You want me to go to the Academy you either have to drive alone or get in with me."

"How can I trust you won't just go somewhere else?" Ben inquired

"Where else do I have to go?" You questioned back

"I-I don't know!" Ben exclaimed frustrated

"Listen man, you can either learn to trust people or you can get in the car with me, but I'm not leaving it behind." You explained

Ben was perfectly capable of trusting people. As the rightful leader of the Sparrows, Ben trusted his siblings to listen to him when they went on missions. Ben trusted his father's judgment. Ben trusted that civilians would respect him went he went out in public. Ben had plenty of trust.

"Fine. I'll go with you." Ben relented "But only because I can TRUST that my car will be okay."

Oh boy. Reginald had really screwed him up, hadn't he? This Ben had no clue what genuine trust was. Genuine trust came with vulnerability and from what you saw, he refused to be vulnerable. Part of you wanted to explain to him what real trust was, but twenty-nine seemed a little too late for an outside intervention. Instead, you gave a shrug of your shoulders and nonchalantly replied,

"Whatever cognitives your dissonance, dude. The car's this way."

Turning away from him you walked down the alley from which you came and headed back to your car. The only sounds you could hear were that of your footsteps and Ben grumbling to himself behind you. You couldn't make out the words he was saying, but you could assume he was ranting about you. It was a shame you ran out of fucks to give just an hour ago, maybe if you had one you'd care to coddle his ego just like you had done with the rest of the Hargreeves. Oh well!

As you arrived back at Veronica, you used the key to unlock the driver's side door, but as you opened it to get in you saw Ben stop. His eyes looked over the car for a moment, before judgmentally commenting,

"This is your car? It looks old as hell."

Technically, he was correct. Veronica was a 1967 Chevy Impala making her quite old, but his tone of voice mentioning that fact was off-putting and offensive to you. Veronica ran better than most cars these days because Dean took such good care of her. She was his pride and joy and you weren't going to let his snide remark slide.

"Excuse you, Veronica's exterior might be vintage but she was built for street racing and she runs like a dream." You retorted "Also, this isn't my car. It's my brother's."

"How did Diego get a car so fast?" Ben questioned

You grimaced at his question. While he didn't know any better given that you had referred to Diego as your brother the last time you spoke, you didn't like hearing Diego being called that. He wasn't your brother. In your experience, a brother was someone who cared for you, and now you knew, Diego did not.

"Diego is not my brother." You spat before adding "This is Dean's car."

"Who the hell is Dean?" Ben asked confused

"My only brother." You remarked quickly "Now get in."

Ben had a few questions about some of the things you had just said, but he could see your frustration building. He wondered if offering to beat up Diego would appeal to you, but his gut told him not to push the issue. With a curt nod of his head, Ben walked to the passenger side and got in the car as the two of you silently drove back to the academy. Ben wanted to say something, but he didn't exactly know how. He didn't think you'd react nicely to him talking about himself and his accomplishments as part of the Sparrows, but he also wasn't sure how to ask you about well...you. Everything you had mentioned so far was either surface level or something that had upset you, neither of which he could build a conversation off of. Instead of talking, he opted to look out the window of the car as he watched the messed up remains of the city go by as you made your way back to the Academy.

It didn't take long, but soon enough the two of you pulled up in front of the building. Without saying much you and Ben both exited the car and headed inside. As you entered the foyer, you could see Sloane walking down the stairs and when she caught sight of you, her eyes lit up.

"(Y/N), you're back!" Sloane exclaimed excitedly, coming over and giving you a hug

"Hello, Sloane." You greeted, hugging her back

As she held you, you could feel her hug getting tighter, and while emotionally you felt comforted by being held, physically you were extremely uncomfortable.

"Augh." You groaned in pain

Scared she had hurt you, Sloane pulled back from the hug and when she took a better look at you, she noticed the bloody bandaging on your hand and face.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" She asked concerned

"I'm fine, it's no big deal." You deflected

That was only partially true. You did feel better than you did right after it happened, and your injuries weren't actively hurting you, but the soreness that came with touching those injuries was still present. Your deflection did nothing though as Sloane pressed,

"No, you should have Grace take a look at you."

"I'll be fine." You deflected once more

"No, I insist." Sloane replied concerned "(Y/N), this is your home, please let Grace take care of you like she takes care of us."

With it seeming like she wasn't going to drop the topic until you agreed, you nodded your head and said,

"Okay."

Linking arms with you, she guided you upstairs to the medical room of the Academy with Ben trailing closely behind. Sloane didn't need to guide you, you had been here before and knew where it was. Nevertheless, you didn't pull away as it was comforting to have someone care. As you made your way into the med bay you sat down on the bed in the room.

"Let me go find Grace and send her here." Sloane stated

You watched as Sloane walked back out the door of the med bay and off to find Grace leaving only you and Ben in the room. He leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked in your direction. Why was he still here? It didn't bother you that he was, but at the same time, you couldn't understand why he would want to stay. Your Ben always stuck around because he cared, but you weren't close to this Ben the way you were with yours. Did he care or was this some type of 'hero' reflex where he couldn't leave until you were deemed saved? You were sad and injured, but you weren't weak. You didn't need saving.

"You don't have to stay with me, y'know." You mentioned

After the words came out of your mouth you could see his face change. What was once a neutral expression dropped into that of a frown. It looked almost like he was hurt by your comment.

"Oh." Ben responded "Okay..."

You watched as he stepped away from the wall and walked toward the door. He looked back at you for a moment, his gaze lingering and his face still reflecting an emotion of hurt, before turning and walking away. Aw, man. You felt a little bad for sending him away. Maybe he was actually being nice and now you were all alone waiting for Grace to show up.

You sat for a few minutes in empty silence before hearing footsteps approaching. Looking at the doorway, you wondered if Ben had come back, but instead, you were met with an odd sight. It was Grace, but she didn't look like herself. Her wardrobe and hairstyle look almost cultish and she was missing an eye. As she approached she looked at you, but instead of the empty void you felt a few days ago there was something different behind her eyes now, but whatever it was it made you uneasy. You removed Bren's jacket and tied it tightly around your waist so that Grace could look at all your injuries including the one on your forearm.

You watched carefully as she undressed and cleaned your wounds, the peroxide stinging against your flesh as it seeped into what skin was still left open. At least most of the gashes were close to closing themselves. If there was one thing you appreciated most about your powers it was the regenerative factor. Carefully, she placed new, clean gauze over your injuries and when she was finished she turned away and quietly left.

After a moment you stood up from the bed you were sitting on and walked out of the med bay. Catching a glimpse of yourself as you passed one of the large glass windows in the kitchen you saw the blood that still stained your outfit. Since you felt better, you decided to use your powers to remove the dried blood from your clothes. Changing its state back into liquid, you pulled it out from the fibers of your clothing before floating the mass of old blood over to the sink and sending it down the drain. Now that you were all fixed up though, you weren't quite sure what to do, so you headed downstairs in hopes of finding someone in the house. Not Grace though. Someone other than Grace.

As you went through the hallways the Academy was quiet and felt empty. Even though there were far more people living here now than you had experienced while living here, it still felt so hollow. Walking down the main staircase you looked around the foyer before noticing Ben standing next to the fireplace, looking up at his portrait. Approaching from behind you attempted to initiate a friendlier conversation by jokingly commenting,

"Y'know, you'd be prettier if you smiled."

You watched as Ben slowly turned to look back at you. He seemed confused by your comment as he awkwardly began to smile at you, although it looked more like he was grimacing.

"I meant in the painting." You commented, gesturing toward the picture

"Oh." Ben replied, his grimacey smile dropped as he said "It was a serious portrait."

Walking over to him, you stood by his side and looked up at his portrait. He was so young in it. Granted he wasn't as young as Five was in his, but that didn't make it any better. His eyes were filled with sadness even if his face seemed neutral and his hand gripped the arm of the chair he sat in tightly. Charlie had done this painting and he always painted what he saw. You know that Charlie had mentioned in his journal that he didn't want to paint it given what you had told him about Five's portrait. And you could see why, it was nothing like Charlie's art style. It was somber and dark and what it represented was nothing that either you or him stood for. You looked away from the painting and toward Ben. His face was hardened as he looked at the painted version of himself. You didn't know what he had done this time compared to that of Umbrella Ben but you knew that he didn't deserve this as his consequence.

"Yeah, I know it was." You said quietly "I'm sorry you had to pose for that."

"Sorry?" Ben replied confused before stating "My father honored me with that portrait."

"Benjamin, I want to believe you're smarter than that." You replied "You and I both know, it's not an honor to have your portrait over the fireplace. It's a punishment. A reminder to not step out of line."

"What do you mean?" Ben questioned

"Five had a portrait too. Charlie painted it after he ran away through time, but it wasn't made in memory of him." You explained, "It was a reminder to the rest of the Umbrellas of what happens when you don't listen to Reginald."

Looking away from Ben, your attention turned back to his portrait over the fireplace. As you recalled it was the same spot where Five's portrait hand hung in the first timeline and that of your portrait too earlier in this one. You hated the fireplace portraits, they were nothing but a reminder of the control Reginald had over the Umbrellas, and now the Sparrows too.

"I hated looking at that thing, I thought about burning it every day." You commented

"Did you?" He inquired

"No."

Now it was Ben who looked at you, your eyes trained on the painting of him above the fireplace. The expression on your face was confusing, he couldn't tell if it was sad or angry. Perhaps both. He wondered why if you had hated Five's portrait so much you didn't burn it like you thought about doing. Personally, if he saw Five's portrait he'd consider burning it too, and more than likely he would follow through. Nevertheless, he was still interested in your answer as he questioned,

"Why not?"

"It was one of the only pictures where Five didn't have his mask on." You replied gently "I didn't want to forget his eyes...."

Ben scowled at your comment. Ugh. Why did you have to be so sappy about Five? What was so special about him anyway? Ben hated hearing about him from you. Ben didn't really know the guy, but something about Five just bugged him to his core. All Ben knew was that he was a jumpy little guy, probably the smartest of his siblings, and he was your...ugh...boyfriend. Whatever. Ben didn't want to think about him.

"Maybe you should've burned it if you hated it." Ben remarked

"Maybe I should've since having a portrait isn't a good thing." You replied before adding "The only good thing about your portrait being there is that mine isn't anymore. It's gone."

Ben's scowl faded away as he looked at you confused. Your portrait wasn't gone, it was just moved.

"It's not gone." He mentioned

"It's not?" You asked surprised

"No." Ben explained, "When mine was placed there it was moved to your room."

"Is that so?" You said aloud

All the times you had been at the Academy post 60s time jump you had never gone back into your room. It had never actually crossed your mind to go in there since you assumed someone else would've taken it, but looking back it made far more sense for it to still be there. The Sparrows were told that you would return like some messiah, so of course they would've kept your room untouched. Turning on your heel you walked away from Ben and back towards the foyer. You could hear from behind you as he called out,

"Where are you going?"

But instead of responding, you flashed away to the upstairs hall. Walking down the corridor you passed other bedrooms before arriving at your door. Opening it up, you stepped inside, and if it wasn't for the distinct lack of time travel nausea you would've thought you were thrown right back into the 60s. Just like your room at the hotel, this place was completely frozen in time with everything still untouched in its place except for the distinct portrait that hung on the wall over the bed. It was your portrait. The one Reginald had commissioned Charlie to paint as a birthday gift to you. Stepping toward it you looked at yourself. Well, not really yourself, but the idealized version of you that Reggie wanted you to be. The version he made others, including the Sparrows, think you were. As you stood there looking at practically a stranger with your face, you heard as a recognizable voice commented,

"I was wondering when you'd show up."

Letting out a huff, you turned around to see Charlie sitting on the stool of your vanity.

"Oh jeez." You muttered before remarking "Let me guess, my brain sent you since I shooed the others away?"

"Well, one person is probably easier to handle than six." Charlie responded

"Hallucination." You corrected "Not person."

"Tomato, potato. It's almost the same thing." He replied

You rolled your eyes at the phantom your brain had come up with. While his presence didn't hurt as much because you knew he died of natural causes, it still didn't please you to have your mind playing tricks like this.

"What do you want?" You questioned

"To watch." Hallucination Charlie replied candidly

"Watch what?" You asked confused

"Watch that monstrosity go away." He answered pointing at your portrait "Doesn't take a genius to figure out you'd get rid of this thing the minute you got a chance."

While he was correct that you had been trying to get rid of this portrait ever since you had first saw it, you couldn't do so anymore. Sure, you and Charlie both greatly disliked it, but he had put in the time and effort to paint you. And now that he was gone all that was left of him were the works he created.

"I'm not going to get rid of it. You painted it." You spoke back

"Laaaaameee." Charlie's visage mocked "Can't believe my death made you soft."

"It did not!" You exclaimed annoyed

"Then destroy it- oh what's the word you taught me...oh right!" Charlie retorted "Shitwit."

"Rude." You muttered

"(Y/N), you and I both hate it, so obliterate it. Make sure that by the time you're done, there's nothing left of it. Because that's not you. It's the you Reginald wants you to be, not the one I know you are." Charlie explained

If it wasn't for the fact that you knew he wasn't there, you'd truly believe this was your friend in front of you. He looked like Charlie, he talked like Charlie, he was Charlie without actually being him. You watched as he got up from the stool and stepped over to you. His green eyes were bright and sincere as he placed a hand on your shoulder and said,

"If you're not gonna do it for yourself, then do it for me."

Even if he wasn't here you still couldn't deny a request from your friend especially when you knew that if it was actually him, he would've wanted this too. With a small nod of your head, you replied,

"Okay. I'll do it."

Charlie smiled at you and for a moment you actually managed to smile back at him. You turned away from him and went to open the window of your bedroom, but when you turned around to grab the portrait, he was gone. You let out a little sigh, but you couldn't stop now. Taking the portrait off the wall you began to shove it outside the window.

As you were doing this though, Ben walked into your room. He had assumed you had gone here based on the conversation you had in the parlor, but walking up here took longer than just appearing here like you could. As he entered though, he saw what you were doing and a sense of panic began to flood his system.

"Hey! Hey!" Ben shouted frantically "What are you doing!"

"I'm doing what I should've done the day this was hung." You replied back

With each hand holding one side of the frame you ignited the wood and watched as it spread toward the canvas.

"No stop!" Ben exclaimed rushing over to try and grab at the painting "When I said you should've burned it if you hated it I didn't mean this portrait!"

You didn't listen to his panic though and instead dropped the portrait out of the second-story window and on to the concrete of the courtyard. As it hit the ground, the frame broke into multiple pieces and the canvas ripped into a few parts. The flames that you had ignited slowly started to consume the once-grand painting until all that was left was flickering embers. You looked over at Ben with a neutral expression while he looked back in horrified shock.

"Are you crazy?! That was a masterpiece! It was an irreplaceable piece of art! You destroyed it like it was nothing!" Ben ranted

He couldn't believe what you had just done. That portrait was one of a kind. None of the other portraits that Mr. Anderson had done even came close to the quality of yours. Out of all the paintings in the Academy, including his own, yours was his favorite. It was colorful, and detailed, and lively. To him, it was like a bright spot in an otherwise dreary house and now it was gone. He looked at you waiting for some type of explanation, which he got in the form of you stating,

"It's what Charlie wanted."

Ben couldn't believe you. How did you know this is what Mr. Anderson would've wanted? Yes, Ben knew that you were his friend back in the '60s, but he died before you returned. How could you be sure that he would want his work of art to be destroyed? Surely, if it was up to Ben he wouldn't have destroyed it. It was a work unlike any other. If it was his painting, he would've shown the world how magnificent it was rather than leaving it in the shadows. Not knowing what to say to you, Ben gave one last look at the ashes of the portrait before walking away from you and leaving to go to his room.

You watched as he left, unsure of why he was so upset over the painting. It was technically your birthday gift so you could do whatever you wanted with it, but you didn't feel good upsetting him. Sure he was kinda a jerk, but he was probably just misguided by his upbringing, and once again, he looked genuinely hurt by your actions when you were trying your best to be nice. Was your grief making it difficult to be nice or was his background stopping him from accepting a little kindness? He was so back and forth that you couldn't tell. It was like there were two versions of him fighting inside for who got to be present in the moment, a kinder, gentler Ben versus the colder, more abrasive one. Nevertheless, you felt it was only right to try and smooth things over, again, given that he was more tolerable when he wasn't in a mood. Following his path, you stepped into the hallway of bedrooms and saw that only one was closed. Approaching the door, you knocked on it gently as you called,

"Benjamin."

"Go away." He responded

"Okay, yeah that's not how this works." You stated before phasing through the door

Ben turned around in his desk chair to look at you as he complained,

"God, what do you want?"

You didn't respond to him though as you took a look around his room. It was different than that of his room in the Umbrella timeline. First of all, this room was bigger than what your Ben had. It took you a moment to realize, but a wall must've been knocked down since half of this room was what used to be Viktor's in the old timeline. This Ben also had a poster of himself over his bed which is something your Ben definitely didn't. But the biggest difference was what covered the walls of the room. Instead of shelves of books and walls filled with notes, the walls were covered in art. Sketches, drawings, and a few watercolors were plastered across the space.

"I see why you're so upset about the painting." You said aloud "You're an artist this time."

"What do you mean this time?" Ben questioned irritated

"My Ben was more of a writer. He also read a lot. He just loved literature." You explained nostalgically "When he was alive we'd talk about the stories he was reading for hours. And after he passed I used to go into the courtyard where his memorial statue was and read his favorite books. I liked to think that he was on the other side listening and that neither of us was alone."

Ben went quiet upon hearing your response. Without even knowing it, you had stated the reason why he was so upset you burned the painting. Even though he hadn't met you until recently, he had enjoyed talking to your painting. He'd sit on the floor of your room describing his drawings and holding them up from time to time. Your smiling face in the painting was usually the only positive interaction he had, and just like you with the other Ben's statue, he liked to think you had been listening on the other side and that neither of you was alone.

Ben turned back around in his seat, facing his desk full of sketches once more as he tried to shove his feelings down. It was how he was taught to deal with difficulty. It was supposed to make him stronger according to his father, but usually, it just turned people away. He was difficult. At least that's what he had heard a lot from others before they left. He wasn't really sure if he knew any other way to be since no one stuck around to show him any different, but after years of people walking away from him, he was prepared for it to happen. And yet, he didn't want you to go. He wanted you to stay. Maybe instead of holding it in, he might just give it a try to say what's on his mind.

"Y'know you're wrong." Ben mentioned quietly "I'm not upset because I'm an artist."

"Why are you upset then?" You inquired

"Because that painting was the equivalent of your statue to me," Ben answered honestly

As the words left his mouth, you could feel your gut drop. You recalled how heartbroken you were when Luther and Diego broke Ben's statue. It was like killing your friend all over again, and now you had done the same to Ben. Sure you didn't know what it meant to him, but that wasn't a good enough excuse. You had seen him try to stop you and you kept going anyway. Oh god, what had you done?

"I'm so sorry, Benjamin." You apologized "I- I didn't think anyone cared about it."

"I did." Ben stated "But it's just a painting. I'll live."

"I'm still sorry, but we could make a new one. I see that your forte is drawing people." You commented trying to make things better

We? Ben was positive he had heard you correctly and you said we. Not he could make a new one. We could make a new one. Quickly, he turned around to look at you as he questioned,

"You can draw?"

Like everyone else you technically could draw, but when people asked 'can you do x thing?' they typically were asking if you could do that thing well. Your drawing skills were not on par with your piano, your dance, or your science abilities except for one instance and so you hesitantly responded,

"Uh...yes and no."

"I'm not sure I'm following." Ben replied confused

"The only things I can draw well are buildings and buildings interiors." You elaborated "But people, animals, plants- pretty much if it breaths I can't draw it."

"You were friends for years with an artist that my father deemed worthy enough to do all the portraits of the Sparrow Academy and you didn't pick up anything from him?" Ben questioned

His tone didn't sound condescending, but the question certainly did. Yes, you were friends with a talented and successful artist like Charlie, but that didn't mean it made you good as well. The only reason you could draw buildings and interiors was because that was a byproduct of your childhood. Maybe it wasn't his intention, but the question did make you feel bad as you looked at the art around his room.

"Uh, not particularly. While he would draw people or comic book characters I would be drawing rooms and buildings." You answered awkwardly "But with art of this quality that probably sounds pathetic to you."

Ben noticed your shift in demeanor. Had he upset you? He wasn't trying to. He was just curious. Jayme had always told him he had a tone issue though, but he never really understood what that meant until now. Trying to course correct Ben quickly shot back,

"No."

"No?" You hesitantly questioned

"Look around." Ben said gesturing to his art "You see any backgrounds?"

You looked around once more and he was right, there were no backgrounds it was all just people. All the faces were strangers to you though. Even with no backgrounds the skill he had in drawing people was still enough for you to doubt your own artistic ability. Art wasn't your main skill, you didn't practice it often like you did with your other talents, you just had muscle memory from copying your mom and enough upkeep to not permanently lose what you learned.

"You could still probably draw a better background than I could draw a portrait." You stated

"Is that a challenge?" Ben asked

What? A challenge? He thought your compliment was a challenge? How warped had Reginald made his worldview that not even a simple compliment could be accepted without the prospect of proving himself? While you knew it was probably a developed trait and maybe even a coping mechanism to hide some insecurity of his, it was still annoying and triggered your underlying competitive nature.

"No, I was actually trying to be nice to you since I had upset you, but fuck it, it's a challenge now." You remarked back "You draw me and the part of the room behind me and I draw you and the room behind you, and whoever has the better overall drawing wins."

While Ben felt awkward that he had misinterpreted your kindness as competition, he didn't mind this new outcome. He liked seeing the fire in your eyes about proving yourself. It reminded him of himself and he liked the feeling in his chest that he shared something with you.

"You're on." Ben replied, a smirk coming to his face

Turning back around he grabbed a sketchbook, flipping it to an open page before picking up a pencil and an eraser. Turning back around he extended it toward you for you to take. Once the items were in your grasp he stood from the desk chair grabbing another set of the same items before walking over to his bed and taking a seat. He watched as you pulled the desk chair closer to the bed and sat down on the seat across from him. Getting yourself settled, you looked toward him as you asked,

"Is there a time limit?"

"And rush the art?" Ben remarked back "No. Just draw until you're finished."

"Okay, jeez." You replied looking back down at the sketchpad "It was just a question..."

As you looked away, an awkward expression came to Ben's face. Did he really have that bad of a tone issue? He was just answering your question. Nevertheless, his attention turned toward his own sketchpad as the two of you began to draw.

The room was quiet as the both of you worked on your pieces, the only sound to be heard was that of pencils moving across sketchpads. Occasionally, each of you would look up from your papers, your gazes seemingly alternating as you both attempted to copy down the sight before you.

Drawing the room came easy to you. You had sketching the lines and angles of the bedroom and its objects down to a science. Every stroke of the pencil was intentional and the way you blended out the pencil marks in specific spots was methodic. You looked down at your hands and the dark graphite smudges covering your fingertips and softly smiled. Your hands looked like that of your mom's. Your mom the architect, the designer. Looking at your hands, it felt like a piece of her came back to life if only for a moment. But that moment was fleeting. Your drawing was nice to be sure, and if an average person saw it they'd probably be impressed, but it still wasn't close to the level of skill your mom had. And unfortunately, you'd never get to learn her tricks because she was gone.

Looking down at your drawing it was almost complete except for the blank oval in the middle of the page where you were supposed to draw Ben. You already knew this wasn't going to go well, but you still had to try. If there was ever a time for a hallucination version of Charlie to appear it was now, so he could give you advice on how to not fuck this up. But alas, he decided not to show so you were left to your own devices. Trying your best to remember what he would do, you started out with just a bunch of shapes in the general form of a body. Somehow, even though it was just shapes, it already looked bad. Your only hope was that by adding details it would somehow come together, so you started by drawing his polo shirt, his pants, and his hair.

And then you came to his face. You tried your best to capture his features, but with his head constantly being down looking at his paper all you could see was the right side of his face. Part of you wanted to draw an angry frowny face and call it a day but the detail-oriented part of you wouldn't let it happen. You saw as he looked up at you for a moment before turning his head back down, but in that moment you briefly caught sight of something on his left cheek. Leaning forward, you gently reached a hand out to try and tilt his face toward you, but the second your fingers brushed his skin Ben pulled back. With his gaze on you, you clearly saw what had caught your attention. It was a scar. Pulling your hand back slightly, you looked back at him waiting for him to say something.

But Ben didn't respond, he only looked at you shocked. The thing was, he wasn't shocked that you had touched him. Plenty of people had touched him before, whether it was his siblings in training, an enemy he was fighting, a persistent fan who just had to get their hands on him, or one of the girls at the clubs he would go to with Christopher, whose name he had forgotten right after they said it. He was no stranger to unexpected touch, but all those times it was aggressive, demanding, rough. But your touch, it was gentle.

No one had ever done that before...

"I just wanted to see it for my drawing." You said quietly

There was that sincerity in your tone again. Something about it made him pause and as his eyes darted over your face, he could see that your expression seemed almost worried, as if you were concerned you had scared him. You hadn't, at least not in the way you probably thought you did. It wasn't your action that had worked up his nerves, but the feeling he got from it. He felt fuzzy inside. Slowly, he leaned his face back toward your hand before hesitating. He wanted to feel your touch again, but for a moment his brain wondered if this was some type of scheme to catch him off guard. He looked at you once more, but your expression was the same worried look as you softly added,

"I wasn't gonna hurt you."

As you said those words Ben felt a twinge of...regret. It was an odd feeling since he had only felt this way a few times before, but the feeling was there. As your hand slowly began to pull back, he quickly leaned in, causing your fingertips to touch his scar once more.

You now looked at him shocked, your fingers pulling just centimeters away from his face, but quickly you realized what his action meant. It meant he trusted you. He trusted you wouldn't hurt him. It felt like a bit of a switch-up from the Ben you had interacted with thus far but, you were the type to reciprocate energy. If he was going to trust you a little, you could trust him back. Gently, you placed the tips of your middle and ring finger back on his cheek as you carefully traced his scar. Ben closed his eyes as your fingers brushed the permanent mark on his face. For once, he seemed calm. You wondered if he had ever actually felt calm before. You knew from the Umbrellas that the life of a Hargreeves was not one that knew peace, and with the way the Sparrows were you could only assume the concept of peace was even more foreign and warped to them. As you looked over his scar you wondered how he got it.

"Hmm." You hummed

"What?" Ben asked, his eyes opening back up to look at you

"It's odd." You stated, "We don't typically do this."

"We?" Ben questioned curiously

"I've found it's rare for people like us, people with powers, to have visible scars." You commented, "Whatever happened, it must've been pretty bad to leave a lasting mark."

Ben looked down as he recalled the circumstances in which he got his scar. Even years after it happened he tried not to remember that day given its significance, but he couldn't help it. The memory flashed in his mind like a cruel reminder of his greatest mistake.

"Yeah...it was bad." Ben mumbled, "I failed."

"Was it the Jennifer Incident?" You asked

Ben looked up at you, the traces of hurt he felt from his memory quickly dissipating as he looked at you confused.

"No? I don't even know a Jennifer." Ben stated before asking "What is that?"

You looked back at him nervously. You had assumed that his scar was a different result of whatever happened to your Ben in the Jennifer Incident. Your Ben died, but this one did something different and managed to make it out with only a scar. But obviously from his response that wasn't the case.

"(Y/N), what's the Jennifer Incident?" Ben asked again

"It's uh-" You hesitantly responded "It's how Ben died."

"What happened?" Ben pressed

Pulling your hand back from Ben's face, you sat back in your seat, looked at the floor for a moment, and let out a small sigh. And as you looked back up at him, he could see grief in your eyes, similar to the look you had when he first found you at the warehouse.

"That's the thing. I don't know. No one would tell me anything except that it was a tragedy." You explained sadly

You looked around Sparrow Ben's room. You had to look anywhere but at him. He had everything of your Ben's. His face, his voice, his name, and yet he was still practically a stranger. The worst part though was that even though he was a stranger in your friend's body, you could see flickers of your Ben in him. There was his care and concern somewhere in there. His sense of understanding peeked through the bars of the tough persona Sparrow Ben put on. But it was the way he listened to you, that reminded you of Ben the most. It was so easy the way you could just start rambling to your Ben, and he sat listening and engaged, and somehow this one was the same. He was listening when no one else was.

"I asked Diego a few times over the years thinking that it was my age that was the issue. Y'know, don't tell a traumatized thirteen-year-old how their friend died. But when I got the same script over and over, I kinda stopped asking." You continued

"Same script?" Ben questioned

As you thought back to those times you asked you could feel a mix of emotions build in you. There was the obvious grief remembering your friend who was gone, especially when you were sitting across from someone who shared his name, and face, and currently a part of his personality you missed. Then there was the frustration that you never learned what happened. And finally the anger at the response that you were always given.

"Yeah." You scoffed before reciting in a mocking tone "It was a tragic accident. Ben died because we failed as a team. Nobody was responsible yet we all were responsible. Ben Hargreeves represented the best of us. Ben was the Umbrella Academy."

Crossing your arms over your chest your eyes finally met Ben's once more. The amalgamation of your feelings reflecting on your face as you complained,

"It's a bunch of avoidant bullshit if you ask me."

You looked away again as silence took over the room. Your mind wandering away from thinking about Ben's death and instead focusing on Diego's resistance to tell you what happened. All the times you asked, he could've just stated what happened, but instead, he always recited the same stupid script. Your eyes moved to the floor and your voice was low as you broke the silence mentioning,

"I guess he never trusted me enough to tell me the truth..."

As Ben saw the change in your demeanor he could feel a tightness build in his chest. It was similar to the feeling he got when his Dad would reprimand the Sparrows after a mission, but not quite the same. There was that feeling of something wrong, but less in a disappointment way and more of a drive to do something. He wasn't particularly interested in having you reconcile with the Umbrellas, they were assholes and the less you wanted to be around them the more time you would spend with him. However, he still felt inclined to do something. Trying to change the subject, he switched back to the original topic as he inquired,

"So what about you?"

"What about me?" You asked confused, looking back at him

"So you don't have scars?" Ben asked

"Oh. Typically no." You answered before explaining "When I was sixteen I tore up the entire left side of my face. It was really bad, but by the next morning it was like it never happened."

"What happened?" Ben asked

"It was..." You began to speak

But then you stopped as you recalled that day, the memories playing in your mind like a bad movie. As you shut your eyes you could hear Diego and Eudora's voices shouting at each other. You could see the anger on their faces and the hurt in their eyes as the fought. A chill ran down your spine as you remembered the cold downpour of rain that washed over you are you rode your bike away from the scene and you winced as you recalled the pain of your face scraping against concrete.

Ben watched as you winced and your expression filled with pain. He already could tell that whatever you were remembering, it wasn't good. It was the same way he'd react to his bad memories before he started pushing down the feeling. Shit. He was trying to make you feel better, not worse. God, why was he so bad at trying to be good? You made it look so easy.

"Forget I asked." Ben quickly dismissed

Opening your eyes, you looked back at him as you tried to push the thoughts away.

"No, it's fine. It was...it was an accident." You finished answering before redirecting the conversation "But I mean, I do have these few scars from earlier when the Kugelblitz tore into me. They've already begun to heal over though."

You gestured toward the bandages that covered your gashes. Your injuries didn't sting much anymore, but when you moved the parts of your body they were on you could still tell they were there. Pulling the bandaging off your cheek you showed Ben the scar that was there. You watched as Ben reached his hand out slightly before pausing.

"Can I?" Ben asked

You nodded your head and Ben fully reached his hand out to trace your scar just as you had done to him. In a way, you were like him the way you were marked by a tragic event. Your scar was noticeable but faded like his, but while his scar curved downward yours went across your cheek. However, he had his scar for years while yours was apparently only acquired this morning and yet they were the same amount of healed. He wondered why others' injuries faded away so quickly while he was stuck with a constant reminder of his failure. Then again, was it actually easier to move on from a failure by having all reminders of that pain fade away quickly or would that lack of healing cause more pain in the long run? Either way, you both had been hurt by life and it seemed like neither of you was quite as healed as you liked to think you were.

"It's so faded." Ben commented

"Yeah," You responded "It'll be gone soon enough, like it never happened."

"But it did." Ben stated gently

You looked at him. His tone wasn't harsh when he said it, on the contrary, his tone was actually empathetic, but it hit you like a ton of bricks. It did happen. You may not physically bear your scars but they were there. These moments in time that had hurt you were real. They happened.

"It did." You said quietly

As Ben looked back at you, his expression was neutral, but you could almost see the corners of his mouth curve up as he mentioned,

"Well, until then it seems we're matching."

"Yeah, I guess we are" You replied before asking "Should we finish drawing?"

"Huh?" Ben said confused

"Should we finish drawing or have you given up on competing?" You taunted, gesturing to the sketchbooks in each of your laps

Ben looked down at his sketchbook before looking back at you. He had completely forgotten all about drawing, but as he heard the taunt in your tone his competitive spirit came back in full force.

"Absolutely not." Ben scoffed

"Then get drawing, Benjamin." You remarked as you picked back up your sketchbook

As your head tilted down to look back at your drawing, Ben picked his pencil and sketchbook back up and began to draw once more. Finishing the details of the wall behind you, he started to work on drawing you, but as he did so he noticed details he hadn't before. He noticed the way your hair fell around your face and how you kept having to push a particular strand out of the way. He noticed the way your eyebrows scrunched and how you bit your bottom lip when you were thinking about something. He noticed the way sunlight from the window fell on you giving you a golden glow. He noticed you. And so he drew what he saw, but it was a tedious process as he felt what he had created wasn't exactly right. He wanted the details he noticed to reflect on the page, but it took time and time again for him to feel what he had created was good enough. His poor eraser had been absolutely demolished between all the revisions he had made, but at a certain point, he finally felt happy with what he had created. And when he looked up from his sketchbook he saw you sitting there twirling your pencil between your fingers.

Seeing Ben look toward you, you assumed he was most likely done as you asked,

"Finished?"

"Yeah." He responded

"Alright then, you go first." You commented

You watched as Ben turned around his sketchbook to show you his drawing and when you saw it you were highly impressed. The background of his drawing wasn't quite as detailed or emphasized as yours was, but it certainly showed his skill for perspective. Where he really focused his detailing though was his drawing of you. It was quite different from drawings you had seen of yourself before. Most of them had been made by Charlie, and while he was a master of realism he typically drew you very stylized, like a comic book character. Ben's drawing however was somewhere in the middle, it wasn't quite one-to-one realism, but you could definitely tell that it was you. A very pretty version of you nonetheless.

"Wow, the only other person to ever draw me was Charlie,' You mentioned, "Your style is so different from his."

"Why? Is it bad?" Ben questioned

"No, it's amazing!" You replied enthusiastically "If only you could pursue art full-time. I think you'd really go far."

Ben paused a moment. He never really thought about life outside the Sparrow Academy. The Sparrow Academy was his everything. He was always told that his only responsibility was protecting the world so the thought of doing anything else seemed farfetched. Did you really think he could succeed at anything other than being a superhero?

"You think so?" Ben asked sincerely

"I know so." You stated confidently

It was odd. The confidence in your answer made Ben want to believe you, but believing you that he could succeed at something other than being a Sparrow meant that the last 29 years of his life were mostly a waste. And that was a thought he didn't want to confront. Pushing the topic away, Ben replied,

"Okay. Your turn."

"Right!" You exclaimed as you looked at your drawing

You looked at the details of the room you had drawn and you knew they would make your mom proud. Not that she ever wasn't proud of you, she always was, but knowing you were able to mimic her passion if only for a moment felt good. But then you looked at your drawing of Ben and...

Fuck.

He looked like a poorly drawn anime character...if you could even call it that. It was only comparable to when the Ouran High School Host Club characters were drawn with less detail to be funny. Except they had done that on purpose, and you, you definitely had not. Why did you let your competitive nature get the best of you? Why did you agree to this? You knew you couldn't draw people. This was a bad idea from the start. Granted the room you drew looked great, but the messy figure in the center really retracted from it. Letting out a defeated sigh you slowly turned the sketchbook around to show Ben and watched his face go through a journey as he looked at it.

"You're right. You are good at drawing rooms. The details are lifelike." Ben commented

You could tell his comment was genuine, but you could feel him holding back more thoughts. Surprised that he hadn't outright insulted your work, you prompted him to speak,

"But?"

"I don't look like that." Ben remarked flatly

"I told you I'm not good at drawing people!" You shot back defensively "I can only do backgrounds."

"And I said the background is good!" Ben responded, "It's just I've seen better art of myself before..."

"You know what?" You questioned snarkily "You wanna know what you really look like?"

"What do I really look like?" Ben inquired sarcastically

Angrily you flipped to the next page of the sketchbook as you quickly scribbled a drawing on it. It was not detailed in the slightest, but it was far more accurate.

"Like this." You stated

As you turned the notebook around, Ben saw your new drawing of him. It was a crudely drawn octopus with an angry frowny face. Ha ha. How clever.

"I definitely don't look like that." Ben replied unamused

"Yes, you do." You remarked playfully, as you held the drawing up next to his face "Your face is doing the same angry scrunch now."

"Whatever." Ben dismissed before asking "So if art is my thing, what's yours?"

"Well, I'm good at a lot of things."

"Well drawing people surely isn't on that list." Ben joked

"Shut up!" You snapped before calmly adding "But piano is the one I'm known for."

Ben recalled moments throughout his life when he heard mentions of your musical ability. He remembered a time when he and his siblings were pressing keys on the piano in the parlor, and when their father heard he stated they shouldn't even try to learn because it wouldn't compare to your ability. There were also the times when Pogo played his classical music records and would tell the Sparrows of his memories of you playing piano for him when he was a young chimp and how lovely the music was. Your ability to play piano was always described as something incredible and he always imagined being able to hear it himself.

"Oh, right." Ben commented "I bet you play beautifully,"

Ben paused. That was weird. Why did he say that? Trying to move away from it, Ben quickly added,

"So I've heard at least..."

"I can show you." You offered

"I'd like that." Ben replied gently

Your lips upturned into a small smile. You liked being around him a lot more when he was kind like this. It reminded you of Ben. Standing up from your seat you extended your hand out toward him.

Gently, he took your hand. He sat still for a moment letting the electricity of your touch flow through him. Your skin was soft and so was the way you held his hand. Ben felt as you pulled his hand closer to you, beckoning him to stand. Standing up he looked down at you, a tender smile on his face and he continued to hold your hand. It felt like a bright warmth surrounded the two of you as you stood together. However, just as soon as he was standing, your hand pulled away and as you turned to walk away, the warmth of being close to you faded. Although you couldn't see it, his smile dropped for a moment. He liked being close to you.

As you made it to Ben's bedroom doorway you turned back to look at him only to find that he wasn't following you. Weird. You thought you were going to show him your piano skills. Your head tilted slightly as you asked confused,

"Are we going to the piano together or not?"

Together.

Ben perked up at that word. His small smile returned as he walked over to you and replied,

"Absolutely. Let's go."

But while you made your way down to the parlor, Five was stuck in the lobby of the Hotel Obsidian. After everyone had left, Five had sat and waited at the bar for the time when Viktor would bring Harlan down for the trade with the Sparrows. Even with Viktor's rude comments earlier, Five could understand the difficulty of giving Harlan up. Viktor cared for him and while that was nice it definitely wasn't worth sending the entire world down the drain over. Harlan had apparently caused some difficulties to the point that the Sparrows were willing to work with the Umbrellas if Harlan was sacrificed. And so he had to be. There was no other way.

Sipping on another drink Five wondered where you were. You could've gone back to Kenny's house since you always mentioned in your diary that it was the main hangout spot for your group. But then again, that could be upsetting since there were so many memories there. Or perhaps you had gone back to your childhood home. It was completely empty given the fact that your parents never got a chance to meet in this timeline, but maybe there was still some comfort to be found there. Or you were somewhere that he couldn't even predict. Wherever you were he just hoped you were okay. He couldn't stop thinking about worst-case scenarios and all the ways he could lose you, especially after finding out his Commission Founder self failed to keep you alive.

Five could feel his heartbeat pick up slightly as the words his Founder self had written began to run through his mind once more. Rolling up his sleeve he looked at the phone number on his arm. You told him to only call in an emergency. Did his worry for you, his need to hear your voice and know you're alive, constitute an emergency? Currently, nothing was wrong.

Except for him.

He felt like his head was being pulled in a million different directions. The apocalypse. Witnessing his death. Your safety. His siblings' antics. Trading Harlan. Anticipating what comes next. The challenges he faced, the worlds he kept creating and erasing in his mind, they were exhausting. It felt like he didn't even have a moment to spare for himself. A moment to think. A moment to breathe. Every time he got one of those they immediately slipped away. All he did was survive and even then, another version of him didn't make it. Would he?

Five tried to push the thought from his mind. He couldn't question it, he had to survive. He had to survive for the same reason he always did. You. Carefully, he pulled the ring he had found out of his pocket. Trying to calm himself, Five looked at the ring in his palm and envisioned a life of mundane joys with you. Grocery shopping, taxes, household chores, taking a walk in the park. God, it seemed so nice. If he had one hope, one wish, it was to be able to live a simple life with you. His mind wandered to thoughts of better days and simple times by your side, but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Luther asking,

"Viktor come by yet?"

Pulled from his thoughts, Five looked up as he saw Luther walking toward the bar. Quickly, he shoved the ring back into his pocket. The last thing he needed was Luther seeing it and asking him questions.

"Oh- uh- no." Five replied trying to collect himself "Not yet."

"Well, I'm sure they'll come around soon." Luther stated as he finally reached the bar

Five nodded his head at Luther's statement, but did not have much of a response to add. His head was still trying to switch gears from thinking about you to thinking about the apocalypse again. There was a silence between the two brothers as they stood by the bar together. It wasn't particularly awkward, but it wasn't enjoyable either.

Luther looked around at the space. Just mere hours ago he had gained and then lost a son and then was told that he didn't know what family meant and that he was a selfish, stunted adult. So far, today was not great. Your words had stuck with him though. Did he know what it meant to actually be a family? Had the Umbrella Academy ever really been a family to each other? There was only one period of time where he truly felt connected to his siblings and that was when everyone was the same age and they had you as a friend. Your words were hurtful, but were they true?

"Hey, Five?" Luther asked breaking the silence

"Hmm?" Five hummed in response

"Do you...do you think what (Y/N) said is true?" Luther hesitantly questioned

"Be more specific." Five replied, "She said a lot of stuff to a lot of people."

"The whole family thing..." Luther quietly replied, "You think she's right?"

"Well, I never think she's wrong." Five stated

Five's response wasn't what Luther was looking for. He wanted more of an explanation of why you would think that, and to his knowledge, no one knew you better than Five. He waited a moment to see if Five would elaborate, but when no elaboration came Luther pried harder,

"Yeah but like we are a family, aren't we?"

"In namesake I suppose." Five responded flatly

"What about beyond that?" Luther pressed "Y'know connection wise? We're siblings aren't we?"

"We are." Five answered before adding "But if what she said bothers you this much that means some part of you believes she might be right."

Luther shifted uncomfortably as guilt began to grow inside him. The feeling settled in his gut as he was forced to confront the reality of his relationships with his siblings and the way he treated them. And you.

"Maybe..." Luther replied, his voice low "I just...I don't understand what the difference is between her definition and ours."

While Luther may have forgotten what the difference between you and his siblings was, Five never forgot. That difference was what kept him going in his darkest of times. And if the truth of this difference would get Luther to reflect on himself rather than trying to get some type of relief for his cognitive dissonance out of Five then he needed to hear it.

"The difference is love, Luther." Five explained seriously, looking him dead in the eyes "We were raised on conditions and achievements and outcomes, but she was raised with unconditional love. We expect results from each other, her only expectation is to be loved back."

As he heard those words, Luther went quiet. His mind replaying moments with you from across his life. He recalled how nice you were when you were both children and the way you'd listen to his interest in space and encourage him to talk about it more. You constantly told him you were proud of him while his father never even uttered those words once. When Luther was happy, you were happy. He then thought about how you had acted when you were different ages. If he was cold to you, you were cold to him, and if he was kind so were you. You always gave back what you were given, but even so, you were still willing to help. You still cared. You always cared. But, besides Five and until recently Diego, they treated you like some type of stepping stone. You were a means to an end. There was no question about it...

You were right.

You had loved them and they just used you. They used each other. If they weren't a family then what were they to each other? What is family anyway? However, before the thought could eat at him more, Klaus sauntered up to the bar to join him and Five. Looking between his brothers, Klaus asked,

"What are we hanging around here for again?"

"Viktor and Harlan." Five responded, "Remember?"

"Oh right." Klaus recalled

Reaching over the bar, Klaus grabbed himself a drink before hopping on the bar top and sitting crisscross on it. A silence fell over the three Hargreeves brothers as they waited for Viktor, but it didn't last long as the ding of the elevator rang through the empty lobby. The trio looked out at the lobby and watched as Viktor began to walk past the bar. Seeing Viktor, Five walked away from the bar with Luther close behind.

"Hey." Five gently called out "It's time."

Hearing Five's voice, Viktor stopped in place. For the past few hours, he had been working out this plan to get Harlan to safety, but through it all he had forgotten to come up with what he was going to say. Freezing up, he could only stare at his brothers in silence.

Not seeing him with Viktor, Five looked back toward the elevators for where Harlan could be. He was an old man after all, he couldn't be far. But as he glanced at the back part of the lobby no one was there. Looking back at Viktor, Five asked confused,

"Where's Harlan?"

Still not knowing what to say, Viktor bluntly stated,

"He's gone."

Hearing those words, Luther immediately knew what had happened. It was honestly stupid of him and the rest of his siblings to think Viktor would do anything other than this. And in a way, this proved your point from earlier even more to Luther. You said they only cared to help each other when they needed something and that they were all selfish. Once again, you were right.

"You let him go, didn't you?" Luther stated

Realizing what was going on, Five looked at Viktor a mix of shock and disappointment on his face. How could Viktor do this? He was risking the sake of the world and the safety of everyone left in it for one insignificant person. This trade was supposed to be their entry into accessing the Kugelblitz and Viktor selfishly threw it away. If the Kugelblitz continued who knew what could happen to people? Who knew what could happen to you. Frustrated, Five turned his back to Viktor. He couldn't stand to look at him right now.

Viktor however was not of the same mindset. He knew his siblings would be upset, but it wasn't worth it to him to trade Harlan to the Sparrows.

"Harlan's death is not gonna stop the Kugelblitz. It's just gonna be another tragedy on a tragedy, and we can find another..." Viktor immediately defended "I will find another way."

"Well, congratulations, Viktor." Luther retorted "You managed to destroy everything. Again."

To Luther, your point of view was becoming ever more clear, and if there was any love between the Hargreeves siblings there certainly wasn't a visible amount of it. And just like you, he didn't want to be here anymore. He'd far rather spend his time with someone who actually cared about his feelings. Sloane. With an annoyed shake of his head, he walked off toward the front doors and out of the hotel.

Five watched as Luther walked away and for only a moment turned to look back at Viktor. He didn't have many words to say, but one thought did linger.

"I really thought you were smarter than that." Five said disappointed

With a roll of his eyes, Viktor silently walked off. Taking a few steps forward, Five watched as Viktor walked out the doors leaving the hotel. And then there were two. From behind him, Five could hear as Klaus sarcastically commented,

"Well! That went great!"

Five knew that Klaus' comment was sarcastic in nature, but it didn't stop the disappointment at how unfortunate this was. With one person's decision their whole entry into saving the world, again, was gone. Five wished that for once his siblings wouldn't stall or roadblock saving the world, but unfortunately, it seemed that was not something they were capable of. And while he already agreed with your opinion on his family, this just made him empathize with it more. Slowly turning around, he saw as Klaus took an actual seat at the bar rather than on it and reached for a nearby bottle of vodka. Feeling confused and defeated Five made his way over to the bar and sat in the seat next to Klaus. He watched as his brother grabbed two shot glasses and poured heavy-handed drinks into them.

"There." Klaus stated, sliding one of the glasses over to Five

"Thanks." Five replied

Today was a mess. Granted, most days of his life were a mess, but somehow today felt so much worse. He found out he created the Commission to save you, he found out that he was unsuccessful and you died, he watched you get torn apart by the Kugelblitz and lose all your friends, he watched your relationship with the rest of his siblings dissolve and you walk away from the Hargreeves family. And while all of those distressed him there was something about facing his own mortality that truly haunted him. Seeing his death forced him to confront his failures. If that version of him went to so many lengths to save you and the world and yet he still died old and alone, where did that leave him?

"I saw my future self die." Five mentioned quietly

"That's crazy. Almost the exact same thing happened to me." Klaus explained "But I didn't die, but I did, but..."

"He told me not to save the world. And then he died." Five spoke at the same time as Klaus

"I don't know..." Klaus added

"What do you think he meant by that?" Five questioned

Hearing each other's statements the two of them looked at each other with slight confusion.

"Well, shouldn't you know?" Klaus asked

"Shouldn't you know about your-" Five began to ask back

However, as he saw Klaus raise his shot glass he realized it wasn't worth it to ask and dropped the topic. Picking up his shot glass he gestured it toward his brother as he said,

"Salut."

"Well, up your ass." Klaus chimed back

Five shot Klaus a look as Klaus downed his shot, but instead of lifting his own glass up to his lips Five instead let some of his thoughts tumble out. Typically, he would tell you these things, but since you were gone he needed someone to listen to him.

"Klaus, I've dedicated my entire life to stopping the apocalypse. Apocalypses, plural. And he tells me..."

"Mm-hmm?" Klaus encourages

"That it's... it's, what? It's meaningless?" Five questioned aloud as he continued explaining

"Oh, well, I don't know anything- " Klaus mentioned as he refilled his shot glass

"Maybe that's his way of saying not to become him, but..." Five trailed off

Letting out a heavy sigh, Five finally downed his shot of vodka. Maybe the alcohol could help him feel better, but he doubted it. It numbed his pain, but it never made it go away. The only thing that could truly make him forget about his pain was you.

"Oh, you're really messed up about this, huh?" Klaus commented

He was more than messed up about it, he was pretty much wrecked by it. His founder self had failed his mission and died, and now here he was on the same path practically doomed to repeat history if he didn't find some type of way to change things soon.

"I've cheated time so much, I guess I just figured I'd somehow cheat death." Five elaborated "But it turns out, I die alone as a one-armed nightmare inside a bureaucratic hellscape of my own design."

"Spoiler alert!" Klaus exclaimed trying to lighten the mood

Five didn't pick up on it though as he was still stuck in his own head. Reaching into his suit pocket he pulled out the tattooed piece of skin he had cut off his Founder self, placed it on the bar, and remarked,

"Not to mention the trashy tattoo."

"Is this your skin?" Klaus asked intrigued as he poked at the cut flesh

"I'll be damned if I go out with an old man tramp stamp." Five retorted

"If you don't wanna end up like this guy, why don't you just do something completely different?" Klaus suggested enthusiastically "Completely different- Move upstate, lose your virginity, become an alpaca farmer. I think (Y/N) would like alpacas."

Five thought about what Klaus had said. He could do something different. And living on a farm with you did sound pretty nice. Just doing anything with you besides the apocalypse sounded nice.

"Yeah, I could. The timeline's malleable. We've proven that much. I could try and break the cycle, but-" Five began to reply before cutting himself off and asking "Wait what was that second part?"

"Don't worry about it. You'll get there on your own." Klaus reassured, "Listen, just keep your arms and extremities away from sharp objects, and don't join the Mothers of Agony."

"What?" Five asked confused

"The tattoo." Klaus explained, "It's the symbol of the biker gang, the Mothers of Agony."

Picking up his Founder self's skin he looked at the symbol tattooed onto it again as he questioned,

"You know them?"

"Like two timelines ago, they were...how do I put it?" Klaus elaborated "My farmacistas."

Finding this out, the wheels in Five's head began to turn. He may have lost access to the Kugelblitz, but maybe someone in the Mothers of Agony could help him out. If his Founder self had been marked with their symbol it meant there was at least one person there who could give him some insight on how to fix this mess. Rolling the tattooed skin up, he placed it back in his pocket as he stated,

"This is good."

Five began to step away from the bar, but before he could get too far he realized he had no clue where the Mothers of Agony were. Turning on his heel he looked at Klaus again who was already pouring himself another shot.

"Wait..." Five asked, "Where are they located?"

"Corner of Morgan and Grove Street." Klaus answered, "Pretty hard to miss with all the bikes outside."

"Thank you, Klaus."

Leaving Klaus behind at the bar Five quickly blinked outside the hotel. Rushing to the sidewalk he stuck out his hand and hailed an oncoming cab. Before the cab even came to a full stop Five had already opened the door and sat in the back seat. Slamming the door behind him, he looked at the cab driver and said,

"Morgan and Grove. Quickly."

Turning to look at who had just gotten into his car and requested a ride to the intersection of Morgan Street and Grove Street, the cab driver gave Five a once-over look. He was slightly confused as to why this finely dressed young man wanted to go to an unwelcoming biker bar such as the Mothers of Agony, but he didn't care enough to ask. With a shrug of his shoulders, the cab driver faced forward again and began to head toward the destination as Five headed to his next clue in the puzzle of saving the world.

While Five was headed off to his next destination, you had already made it to yours. Like usual the parlor of the Academy was empty. For something that was supposed to be the fancy equivalent of a living room it sure always felt dead in there. But off in the corner, you saw a familiar sight of the grand piano you'd play. As you walked over to it, Ben seemed to linger a few paces behind, but that wasn't really something you were focused on. Approaching the piano, you could see the lid was closed and covered in dust. How long had it been since someone touched this? Had it sat silent all these years? Wiping the dust away, you opened the lid and ran your fingers over the keys, not pressing any of them yet and instead admiring the feeling. There was something comforting about feeling the keys beneath your fingertips. Perhaps it was the familiarity, but as you continued to caress the ivories, your hand stopped at one specific key. You hovered over it for a moment, but with one press a single G note echoed through the parlor. From the corner of your eye, you could see Ben's head snap to look toward the piano, and as you turned to look at him a smirk came to your face.

"I see someone had an emo phase." You remarked playfully

"Emo phase? I don't even know what that is." Ben replied defensively

Instead of responding to him though you went back to playing the intro keys to Welcome to the Black Parade but stopped before the final note. Looking back over at Ben you saw panic form on his face.

Ben knew that if he corrected you, you would know that you were right, but at the same time, it was practically disrespectful for you not to play the song's intro in full. He tried to hold back and keep himself from correcting you, knowing that's what you wanted, but the frustration of the incomplete intro was too much as he demanded,

"Play the last note!"

"Ha! I knew it!" You exclaimed

You saw as Ben rolled his eyes as you played the final note of the intro and released him from his turmoil. Although now you were going to have to deal with his annoyance at finding him out.

"So is that all you know how to play?" Ben deflected

"Benjamin, do you realistically think that's all I know how to play?" You questioned rhetorically

"No." Ben answered

"Exactly." You stated, "Now, you can either continue sulking that I found out you actually might have some music taste or you come over here and listen to me play like you said you would."

Ben looked at you for a moment, watching as you pulled out the piano bench and sat down. You were worming your way further and further into his brain and he wasn't sure what to do about it. He wasn't against it, and he wasn't really fighting it at this point anymore, but it was still a little scary how you did it with such ease. Softly, you began to play the sound of an ambling melody as Ben finally walked over to you. Sitting down next to you on the piano bench he heard as you asked,

"Any requests?"

In that moment it was as if his mind went blank and he had never listened to any music in his entire life. He could say Welcome to the Black Parade, but he'd probably never hear the end of it from you if he did. With nothing else coming to mind he answered,

"Uh no, you pick."

"Oh, there's so many choices. Classical, musicals, modern piano covers..." You rambled as you tried to think

And then it hit you. The perfect song to fill this lackluster house with some vibrance.

"Have you ever seen Howl's Moving Castle?" You asked Ben

"No, what's that?" He responded curiously

"It's a beautiful animated movie. The story is touching, the art is incredible and the music, the music is iconic." You explained "The song I'm gonna play is from that movie. Now, it won't quite be the same without the strings, but I'll make it work and hopefully, you'll still like it."

"If you're as good as people say you are, then I'm sure I will." Ben replied

"I am." You stated confidently

A smirk came to Ben's face at your response. He liked your confidence. It was one of the many things he was starting to admire about you.

Looking down at the piano you took a breath and placed your hands on the starting keys and after a moment of silence, you began to play Merry-Go-Round of Life. Slowly, the beginning of the piece flowed through the Academy, it's enchanting sound filling the silent halls. Closing your eyes you embraced the nostalgic feeling you got from the song, and as it approached the first string part you used your powers to press more keys than your hands cover making it so that both the piano and what was technically the string portion could be heard.

But as you moved through the piece, duetting with yourself and bringing life to the joyless building, you could hear the sound of strings playing in your head. Specifically, you could hear the familiar sound of a viola playing the string portion of the song. Opening your eyes you look up and past the piano and there she was, Viktoria, standing there with a smile as she played her viola along with you. As you looked off to the left, you saw the rest of your friends, including Charlie, sitting on the couches happily listening to you play. You knew in your head that they weren't there, but for a moment you'd let your heart believe they were. A small, bittersweet smile came to your face as you let the music flow through you and played in honor of the friends you lost.

Ben listened in awe as the gorgeous melody of the song filled the air. Even though you were playing one instrument it was almost like he was hearing a whole orchestra given how many parts you were playing at once. As the music danced through the room, and Ben watched you perform with all your talent he could feel emotion build up in him, but once again he couldn't find the words to describe it. But he could feel it. The feeling was warm and made his chest feel tight and his stomach do flips. He didn't think about it much though as he focused his attention on you.

That was until he saw something move up above the two of you. Looking up toward the balcony above the parlor, Ben could see his three remaining siblings standing there listening to you play. Sloane smiled with a dreamy look on her face, Fei stood leaning slightly over the balcony railing as she watched intently, and Christopher slightly swayed to the music. And as the song crescendoed their awestruck reactions reflected Ben's own feelings as he knew they were recalling the same memory he had of their father from when they were children. But now hearing you play, Ben knew their father was right, your abilities were beyond compare. Even if they tried none of them would've ever gotten to your level of talent.

Swaying with the music, you closed your eyes and played with all the emotion you had in you. You put your entire heart into the piece, at least all that was left of it. And as the song came to its end you opened your eyes once more and saw all of your friends were gone. You could feel slight tears prick your eyes as your moment of peace slipped away, and you were reminded of the fact that they weren't there to begin with and they never would be again. All you had left were the phantom versions in your mind that both helped and hurt you each time they appeared. As you lifted your hands from the keys and placed them in your lap you heard Ben compliment,

"That was amazing,"

"Thank you." You responded softly

Ben could hear the hint of sadness in your tone. It was faint and perhaps if he wasn't paying so much attention he would've missed it. Nevertheless, it was there.

"What's wrong?" Ben inquired

Looking away from your lap and toward Ben you could see the concern on his face and you heard the care in his tone. You didn't expect him to notice such a small change in demeanor but it was nice. It was familiar.

"I'm fine, it's just a memory." You recalled "My friend Viktoria and I would duet the song together. She played viola so she'd take the string parts while I'd play the piano. I heard her playing in my mind, but I know she's not here."

He looked down at the ground as he felt a pit forming in his stomach. Two floors below you was where the black hole that took your friends and tore you apart was, but you had no clue because it wasn't actively giving off a wave. Part of him didn't want to tell you about it. He was finally having positive interactions with you, and he worried if you found out that this whole time the thing that had hurt you was right beneath your feet and he hadn't told you, there was a chance that those would stop. Then again you'd probably find out at some point either through your powers, his siblings, or your annoyingly persistent...boyfriend. Perhaps it was better if he told you. At least then he could say he was honest with you. looking over at you Ben called,

"(Y/N)?"

"Yeah?" You replied

"I want to show you something." Ben stated

You looked at him slightly confused. You had come down here to play the piano and now he wanted to go somewhere else? Seeing your hesitation, Ben added,

"It's important."

There was sincerity in his tone and you could see the serious look on his face. If it meant this much to him then you might as well see what it was. Nodding your head you replied,

"Okay."

"Follow me." Ben said, gesturing out of the parlor

Standing up from the piano, you closed the lid before following him out of the room. As you walked through the Academy, you made your way down the stairs, past the kitchen, and to the basement door. You looked at Ben concerned as he opened the door and began to walk down the stairs. What the hell was in the basement that was so important to show you? Cautiously, you followed him down the stairs and when you reached the bottom landing you could see a bright light glowing behind a wall down the corridor. You followed behind Ben as he walked toward the glowing light and as you rounded the corner you finally saw what he wanted to show you. You stood there in shock as you took in the sight of a bright burning orb floating in the air. It rippled and flared like a miniature sun and yet it wasn't really affecting anything right now.

"Benjamin...is that..." You began to question hesitantly

"The black hole? Yeah." He responded, "I thought you might want to know given well...y'know."

You looked at the orb silently. This thing had been the cause of most of your pain recently, both physically and emotionally. It was a danger to your existence and was continuously tearing apart your life. And yet as you, one anomaly, looked at another anomaly, you couldn't help be be slightly enthralled. You were born out of nothing and felt everything, and this black hole was born out of everything and felt nothing. The world was a sucker for balance and you and the Kugelblitz were opposite sides of the same coin.

Carefully, you walked closer to it. You knew it couldn't hurt you right now, as you described it to Ben, it was Schrodinger's energy, but you wanted to understand it more. As you stood about a foot away from it, you brought your powers to the forefront, rather than letting them linger idly in the background. With your back turned to Ben, your eyes glowed blue, and for a moment, it felt like nothing, but as you honed in a little more you could feel the potential energy of lying underneath the surface of the Kugelblitz. It reminded you of a pot of boiling water with a lid on top. From the outside, there wasn't really much feeling, but inside there was so much more going on. You could make out the feeling of the microbursts of energy beneath the calm surface and the way those bursts created more pressure inside. It scared you a little, how you were currently safe, but you knew that wouldn't last forever. Due to the "lid" it couldn't hurt you now, but the minute the Kugelblitz boiled over, it was gonna hurt again. And it was going to hurt a lot.

Slightly, you raised your hand toward the Kugelblitz to "feel" it better, but the moment you did so Ben grabbed your hand and pulled you back. But he was only able to hold on for a second before a rush of overwhelming pain coursed through his system causing him to drop to his knees. He grabbed at his head that now loudly pulsed as he let out a groan.

Your eyes reverted to normal as you returned your powers to the background. Turning around you looked down at Ben, as you reprimanded,

"Don't do that. Do you know how dangerous it is to touch me when I'm using my full abilities?"

"Do you know how dangerous it is to touch that thing?" He shouted "And what do you mean full abilities?! What the hell was that!"

"Literally the weight of the world. You just felt everything around us." You shouted back "My powers have an active and an idle mode. You could've killed yourself grabbing me when they're fully active like that!"

With his pain subsided Ben stood up from the floor and approached you. A look of frustration covered his face as he yelled,

"And you could've killed yourself if that thing decided to flare out! I was trying to protect you!"

You didn't shout back. Instead, you stayed quiet as you looked at him and in doing so you noticed something. The expression on his face that you thought was frustration wasn't actually such. It was concern. Genuine concern. yes, he had looked at you slightly concerned earlier in the day, but those times it still felt like he was trying to somewhat hide it behind some tough exterior. This, however, was out in the open. He was concerned and he wasn't hiding it...kind of like a friend would do.

"Okay." You responded calmly "It's an intriguing phenomenon, but I'll be more careful around it."

Ben paused. He felt good knowing you wouldn't get so close to the black hole but was confused by the fact that you weren't yelling back anymore. When he got into arguments with other people they just kept yelling until one person walked away, but you didn't walk away, you just stopped. It didn't feel like you relented either, you just calmed down and agreed. Was that normal for people? Because to him it felt...out of place. Not really knowing how to respond now, Ben replied,

"Oh. Okay."

You waited for him to say something else, but when nothing came you looked away from him and at the Kugelblitz once more. Ben mimicked your action and the two of you stood silently as you watched the glowing ball ripple. This was it, huh? The thing that was going to destroy everything.

"So does it hurt?" Ben asked breaking the silence "Feeling everything all the time?"

"It used to when I was really little, but not anymore." You replied "Well, except if Viktor uses his powers too much or that thing explodes. Then it hurts like a bitch."

"That sounds terrible." Ben remarked

Your powers weren't terrible, only the painful experiences that were a side effect of them. You loved your powers, they were an integral part of who you were and how you lived. Even when your abilities were idle you still felt everything and it was like the world was singing to you. For as long as you could remember the world was full of life and song and there was nothing you would trade that for.

"No. Excluding those exceptions, it's actually really beautiful. Everything has its own little hum and it's like a symphony that plays just for me." You answered, "What would be terrible is if it all went silent."

Your answer intrigued Ben. He certainly never considered his powers to be something beautiful. Until he learned to control his powers he found them to be mostly a burden, not that he would tell anyone that. And even now, they might not be a burden but there certainly wasn't anything beautiful about eldritch tentacles from a portal in his gut. If he could choose between his power or yours, he'd probably pick the versatile, deadly, and apparently beautiful one you seemed to possess.

"So what do your powers sound like?" Ben asked

"Oh well, it's less of a sound and more of a feeling. But it's like a loud feeling. Kinda like being next to a giant speaker-" You began to explain before cutting yourself off and saying "Actually, it would be easier to just show you."

Ben saw as you stuck out your hand toward him and looked at it hesitantly. He was interested in your offer, but not the associated pain that came with it. While it might not hurt you, it sure as hell hurt him and he wasn't sure if he was willing to experience that again.

Seeing his hesitation you could easily assume it was from the immense pain he had experienced only moments ago. Given that experience, he had every right to be hesitant, but you tried to ease his mind adding,

"It won't hurt this time, I promise."

Not getting a response from him though you extended your hand slightly closer to him as you asked,

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Ben replied gently, taking your hand

The word had come out of his mouth before he had even realized he said it. It had rolled off his tongue as if he had answered that question a thousand times before. The word came to him so easily, easier than it ever had before. Trust was a complex concept for him. The only person he truly trusted was himself. Even his trust for his siblings and father was conditional although some more conditional than others. And yet, as he looked at his hand holding yours, there wasn't a double in his mind that he trusted you without condition.

"Good. Now if you get lightheaded let me know. My friends didn't and they all passed out when I did this with them." You mentioned, "Also, if it starts to feel like your bones are vibrating out of your skin don't freak out, that's normal."

Ben's head snapped up from looking at his hand holding yours, as he quickly questioned,

"Wait what."

However, you did not hear his question though as you had already started bringing your power to the forefront more. The symphony of the world grew louder as you focused on emphasizing your abilities enough for Ben to feel them, but not to the point where it would hurt him. You were the only person who was cut out for fully feeling all that existed. Granted, it wasn't really a choice in the beginning, but it certainly was now and you wouldn't put that on another person unless they deserved it. As you slowly increased your focus you could feel the rhythmic hum of everything around you come together like an orchestra playing a song. Closing your eyes you peacefully embraced the feeling of it all and it was beautiful.

Ben however was trying to process feeling like his bones were going to vibrate out of his skin. You said that this was normal, but it certainly didn't feel it. As for his prior thought of wanting to switch powers with you, he immediately took that thought back. His heart was racing. Was he going to die? This was terrifying. More terrifying than his powers were before he learned to control them. How was this beautiful? But as he wondered if this would be over soon he heard you calmly say,

"Feel it, don't fight it."

He looked over at you. Your eyes were still closed and you looked peaceful as you took steady breaths in and out. He didn't know if he could stop fighting the feeling of his skeleton hatching from under his skin, but he was the one who agreed to this so he could try. For you. Closing his eyes as well, he mimicked your steady breathing as he tried to feel the same way you felt. For a moment it still felt like his insides were going to come out, but then the sensation changed.

Instead of one overwhelming vibration, it splintered off into a bunch of smaller ones. It felt less like an explosion and more like a blanket that surrounded him. Some of the vibrations were faster, and some slower, and yet they all came together in a coordinated way. And then he heard it. The loud hum you were talking about. You were right it was less of a sound than it was a feeling, but the longer he embraced it the more he understood your point. The way every feeling came together, it was like a symphony. It was your symphony and it was incredible. Opening his eyes, he looked over at you.

There was a peaceful smile on your face as the glow of the black hole reflected off your skin and as you held his hand he could feel that electric feeling rush through him again. And for a moment it felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I think I'm getting lightheaded." He stated

"Oh, that's enough for you then." You replied concerned

Quickly, and to Ben's internal disappointment, you pulled your hand away from him and put your powers on the back burner again. Looking over at him, you smiled as you commented,

"It's pretty right?"

"Very." He replied

Before you could say anything else, your stomach growled loudly and you could feel how empty it was. Huh. You were so distracted by the events of the day you totally forgot that you needed to eat.

"Hungry?" Ben asked

"Yeah. I haven't eaten since this morning." You replied

"Well, there's a diner a few blocks away." Ben suggested

"They got coffee?" You asked

"It's a diner, of course they do." Ben answered

"Alright, let's go then." You said

You took one last look at the Kugelblitz. You knew this thing, this frightening, intriguing anomaly, would be the cause of your demise, but you might as well make the most of the time you had left. And so ignoring the facts in front of you, you followed Ben out of the basement and back upstairs to go grab food at a diner. But as the two of you walked into the foyer to exit, you saw as Luther walked in the front door with Sloane. Whatever positive feelings you had just a moment ago quickly faded as you saw him. Your anger and annoyance came back in full swing as you watched him finally notice you. Part of you wanted to just turn invisible and walk outside the door, but the last thing you needed was Luther or Sloane stopping Ben because you walked out. Perhaps the two of you could get by them without an interaction. That thought was quickly disproven though as Luther awkwardly greeted,

"(Y/N). Hey."

"Luther." You deadpanned

It was obvious that you were still upset about earlier, and reflecting on it rightfully so. Granted, Luther hoped more of that anger was directed toward Diego although Luther did bear some fault. Trying to smooth things over, Luther began to explain,

"Listen about what I said-"

However, Ben could sense your annoyance. You didn't even like the Umbrella Academy members. You didn't want to see them, let alone talk to them. But beyond your annoyance, Ben could feel his annoyance grow too. You and him were supposed to be going to get dinner together and Luther had the audacity to stop you guys? Stepping forward, Ben cut off harshly,

"Does it look like she wants to talk to you?"

"Huh?" Luther replied, looking at Ben confused

You didn't want to do this. You didn't want to talk to Luther. Truly you didn't want to talk to any of the Umbrellas except Five, of course. He was the only one you weren't upset at because he was the only one who actually cared about you. And this attitude that Ben was having about the situation wasn't desirable either. Sure, it was nice that he was supporting you, but you didn't need him to fight your battles. Especially when there really wasn't a battle to be had. Trying to avoid the situation, you walked past Luther to the front door as you called back,

"Benjamin, let's just go."

Ben gave Luther a dirty look before relenting and beginning to follow behind you, but right as you opened the front door you heard Luther call out,

"(Y/N) I'm so sorry about Lucas."

"Who's Lucas?" Sloane asked

"Our son." Luther answered

"What?" Sloane questioned confused

"I'll explain later." Luther said before repeating "(Y/N) I'm sorry about Lucas."

And this was exactly why you didn't want to talk to any of the Umbrellas except Five because unlike him, they didn't get it. They didn't understand your pain, your grief, your anger. And they surely didn't understand that their apologies meant nothing now that it was already too late. Wasting your time with Ben was a decent distraction, but you still could feel that heavy, twisting feeling in your gut knowing that your loved ones were forcibly taken from you and there was nothing you could've done about it. You could feel emotion begin to build up inside you. Lucas spent his whole life through the good and the bad looking up to Luther and this is all he got in the end? A simple apology after he was already gone. Looking back over your shoulder at Luther, you tried your best to keep yourself together as you replied,

"Don't talk about him like you cared."

And with that, you walked out the door leaving Luther and Sloane behind.

"(Y/N)..." Luther called sadly

"Leave her alone." Ben remarked back as he stood in the doorway "Hasn't your family fucked up enough already?"

Luther wondered what Ben's deal was, but before he could try to inquire, Ben walked out the door pulling it shut behind him. Walking out the front gates of the academy, he made his way over to where you stood on the sidewalk.

"You okay?" Ben asked

"Yeah, just caught off guard." You responded collecting yourself "I wasn't ready to face any of them yet."

"I can kick him out of the Academy if you want." Ben mentioned, "After all, it's our home, not his."

"Eh, it's not worth it." You rejected before stating "Let's just go eat."

And so the two of you walked away from the Academy and around the block to the diner

At this point, day had turned to night and a cool breeze blew down the city streets. The silence and the lack of life were even more evident at night compared to earlier in the day. It was eerie, but more so it was sad. As you rounded the corner of the block, you saw up ahead the place Ben was talking about. The neon sign might've said Greta's Diner, but you recognized the building immediately. It was Griddy's. Or at least it would've been if you were in the right timeline. You paused for a moment looking at the building as Ben continued to walk ahead. However, after a few paces, he stopped and looked back at you calling,

"Come on."

Picking up your pace, you caught up to him as the two of you made it to the building. Opening the door you stepped inside and took in the surroundings, getting hit by a wave of nostalgia as you realized they were the exact same. The layout, the color scheme, the entire vibe, it was all identical.

"Well, this is the place." Ben stated before asking "Where do you want to sit? Booth? Counter?"

You looked around the place as memories rushed back to you. You remembered a few times with your friends, crowding the seven of you into one booth to enjoy some late-night pastries. There were the times when Eudora would take you here for a quick breakfast before dropping you off at school. And then there were the most important memories of this place. Your times with Five. You remembered sitting at the counter next to him on the day he returned back into your life, and those few nice moments before this apocalyptical cycle started. And then there were all the times you spent here as kids. You could practically see the younger versions of you and him sitting at the booth in the back corner. You with your jelly donut and him with his plain glazed one. You recalled the way the world would just fade away as you sat and talked for hours, day after day. It was nice. You missed that.

Turning your attention back to Ben, you answered his question saying,

"Table."

It's not that you couldn't sit at a booth or the counter with Ben, but those places were special. If you were going to sit there then you should be sitting there with Five. Nevertheless, you walked over to one of the many open tables in the place and sat down across from Ben. While Griddy's, or well now Greta's, was never the hot spot to be, it never felt deserted either, but right now this place was a ghost town with only you and Ben in it. For a moment you even wondered if there was anyone working here before you saw a server finally walk out from the back. As she rounded the corner from the kitchen she looked surprised to see you and Ben there, but put on a nice customer service face as she approached the table. Seeing her customer service face, you felt bad for being here. You should've just tried to deal with Luther's presence and ate at the Academy rather than making this waitress serve you in the middle of a global crisis. It was too late though as she already had pulled out her notepad and greeted,

"Welcome to Greta's, what can I get started for you?"

"Coffee. Cream on the side." Ben stated before adding "Pork roll, egg, and cheese. Salt, pepper, ketchup."

"Okay." The waitress replied writing everything down before asking "And you?"

"Um, coffee and a plate of disco fries." You answered before quickly adding "And one jelly and one plain glazed donut please."

"Alright, I'll get that started for you two." The server replied, "I'll be right back with a coffee pot."

As the server walked behind the counter to get your coffee, you looked over at the booth in the corner again and thought of your boyfriend. As much as you needed this time away from the Umbrella Academy, you still hated leaving him. The only positive was he hadn't called yet which meant he probably wasn't in danger. Although, you wished he had a cellphone so you could call him instead of waiting for him to call you. Maybe that wasn't a good idea though. You were pretty sure he didn't know how to work a smartphone, and if his reaction to that vending machine that wouldn't give him a snack was any indication, a smartphone given to him probably wouldn't be functional for very long. However, that didn't stop the feeling in your heart of wanting to be with him. You loved him and you missed him.

Soon enough the waitress brought back a pot of coffee, some cream, and two cups, placing them on the table for you and Ben. You gave her a polite smile before grabbing the pot and pouring some coffee into both, pouring slightly less in Ben's to make room for the cream he wanted. When you were done pouring, you placed the coffee pot off to the side and as Ben poured cream into his cup, he inquired,

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead." You replied

"Where did you learn to draw so well?" Ben questioned "I mean buildings so well."

You elected to ignore his correction knowing that he was bad at talking and probably didn't mean it as a slight. But as you thought about the answer to his question you smiled knowing exactly why you were so good.

"My mom." You answered softly as you reminisced about her "She was an architect and interior designer. I always watched her drawing buildings and room interiors so that's all I ever practiced drawing too. I like to think I got pretty good at it, but it'll never beat her drawings."

Ben didn't expect your answer. You were so intertwined with that of the Umbrella Academy that he forgot that you weren't part of it. But what intrigued him the most was the way in which you spoke. You responded softly, but there was a reverence in your tone and although there was a smile on your face there was a sadness in your eyes. You missed her. He wondered what it was like to miss your mom. Ben had no memories of his birth mother since he was adopted right after he was born and Grace was never really a mother to him, just a maid. What was it like to have a mom? What was it like to have a parent you wanted to be around and be like? Was it nice? It seemed nice.

"Do you want to be an architect like her?" Ben wondered

"No, I didn't really share my parents' passion for buildings." You explained candidly "My dad was an engineer. My parents owned an all-in-one architecture, construction, and interior design firm. They loved creating buildings, but me? Not so much."

"So what do you want to do?" Ben inquired curiously

A question that used to be so simple was now so loaded. You didn't know what you wanted to do anymore. You wanted to graduate high school, but you never existed in this timeline. You wanted to go to college with your friends, but none of them were around. You wanted to have a life with Five, but that seemed like it would never happen. You wanted to be fully happy, but how could you when everything was so wrong? There was nothing for you to want anymore, only things you wanted. However, that was too much to put on someone who had only known you for a few days.

"My dream was to go to college and major in Chemistry with a minor in Physics. Maybe minor in music as well." You answered "I wanted to figure out a way to put my powers to good use. Solve some unsolvable problem. I wanted to help people."

"Wanted?" Ben asked confused before continuing "Why can't you do it? Is it money? I can pay for you to go."

"That's sweet of you, but-" You began to reply

"But what?" Ben pressed

"Benjamin, the world is ending." You stated matter-of-factly "There's no time for dreams anymore."

No time for dreams? No, there had to still be time. The world hadn't ended yet. There had to be a way for him to fix this. He was Number One of the Sparrow Academy after all. He was born and raised to save the world. There had to be a way he could make your dreams a reality again.

"Isn't there time to stop this?" Ben suggested

"Pfft, to even try we'd need the Sparrows and Umbrellas to work together and that's like trying to mix oil and water and then setting it on fire." You scoffed "At this point, my only hope is that I die in one piece."

"Don't say that." Ben protested "You never know, maybe it'll work out."

You looked at him curiously as you replied intrigued,

"I didn't take you for an optimist,"

"Sometimes we find reasons to be." Ben replied sincerely

Before you could say anything else though your food had arrived. And as you heard your stomach growl once more you knew it was time to eat. But while you and Ben quietly ate your food, Five was struggling not to voice his opinions to his taxi driver.

Even with Five expressing the need for speed on the drive, it still took a good bit of time to get from the hotel to downtown where the bar was. Between the cab driver's insistence on following traffic rules plus all the detours that had to be made to avoid the droves of abandoned cars, what should've been a 20-minute ride at most took closer to an hour. And with each passing minute, Five grew more frustrated. He needed to get to this bar. What if the person he was looking for wasn't there by the time he got there all because of this specific cab driver? Like most other things there wasn't much Five could do but it was still quicker than walking to the place. From a block away, Five could see the glowing lights of the bar sign and headlights. However, instead of continuing to drive, the cab pulled off to the side of the road and parked the car before looking at Five in the rearview mirror.

"This is as far as I'll take ya, kid." The cab driver said, "Those bikers ain't the neighborly types."

"Fair enough." Five replied

Five didn't mind walking the rest of the way, he had already wanted to get out of the cab 20 minutes ago. Pulling out some cash, Five handed over the owed amount for the ride to the driver before opening the door and leaving the car. He watched from the sidewalk as the cab driver quickly turned around a drove off leaving him alone on the street. From down the block, he could hear the sound of revving engines and rowdy shouts. Well, at least he knew for sure he was heading in the right direction. With his hands in his pockets, Five walked away from where he was dropped off and towards his true destination. As he approached the bar, he walked through a crowd of bikers and their motorcycles outside.

"What you doing here, baby?" One woman asked

"You lost?" Another man called out

Five ignored their judgmental glares. He one, was tired and didn't care, and two, had far more important things to worry about than some drunk bikers. Stepping up to the door he passed the painted Mothers of Agony sign in the doorway and entered into the building itself. Walking up a set of stairs he was met with the sight of a stereotypical biker bar. The interior looked like that of a warehouse that just had a bar, chairs, and stripper pole plopped into it. The floors were concrete and covered in dirt and the walls were littered with posters of motorcycles and neon signs. The dim lights and cigarette smoke created a warm haze in the room that was only broken by the spotlight on the pole dancer in the middle. This whole place smelled like a mix of beer and piss and the glares from the patrons did nothing to improve the environment. Those glares however were not intimidating to Five like they probably hoped. He could kill them before they even realized they were dead. At this point, they were just getting in his way. At the far back of the room Five could see a door that said members only, and if anyone was going to help him understand what was going on it wouldn't be one of the brainless drones out here. Making his way through the leather-wrapped crowd, he pushed open the members-only door and headed toward the figure in the center of the room.

"I've been looking for you." Five called out

As the figure turned around though Five's confident demeanor shifted as slight confusion took over. The figure standing before him was Pogo. What was he doing here? Five never got the chance to see if he was around the academy because he and his siblings got their asses handed to them and then thrown out before they could really explore, but he had assumed that Pogo was still there somewhere. This didn't seem like the type of place he would be unless something had happened. He could only wonder what that was though.

"I don't tattoo children." Pogo replied

That wasn't quite true. He did for a certain price and if they had a decent level of respect for the process, but whoever this was Pogo had neither the time nor patience for them. They looked of age to tattoo, but who did they think they were barging in like they owned the place? And what kind of young adult nowadays chose to wear a suit, and especially to to a biker club? Whatever the case was, Pogo didn't want to deal with him.

"Swell, I'm not here for the ink." Five retorted "I'm here because you and I have a mutual friend. Sir Reginald Hargreeves."

Pogo let out a sigh as he turned back around to continue working on the person he was tattooing. He had no care for Sir Reginald Hargreeves and whatever mess that followed him around. He had spent too long caring about that man and he wasn't going to start again now.

"Whatever he wants, I'm not interested." Pogo dismissed

"I don't think you understand. I'm one of his children." Five explained seriously "From another timeline."

Although Five couldn't see it, Pogo's eyes went wide. Another timeline? No. There was no way that this was possible. Regaining his composure, Pogo looked back at Five and chuckled snarkily,

"Another timeline?"

"As crazy as it sounds, you and I have met before. Back in 1963, when you were a diaper-wearing chimp in dire need of a manicure." Five reiterated as he pulled down the collar of his shirt "I don't know if you remember, but I have a scar to prove it."

Pogo looked at the young man before him. If what he was saying was true then wouldn't he be of an advanced age by now? All this gibberish was probably just some twisted scheme to get him back to the academy. But the academy was no longer his home, this is where he belonged now. Giving a slight nod to his friends in the room they began to inch closer to the young man before him. As his friends surrounded the boy on all sides, Pogo looked directly at him.

"If what you're saying is true, I'd be talking to a man well into his sixties." Pogo retorted "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've had a very long day."

Grabbing his things, Pogo turned and walked away. This boy and whatever his deal was weren't his problem. As Pogo walked away though, Five stepped forward calling out,

"Pogo, you need to listen to me."

But before he could get to Pogo, the other men in the room stepped close and surrounded him, stopping him in his path.

"Time to go home to Mommy, lil guy." One of the bikers remarked

Was that supposed to scare him or something? It's not like they could do anything to him. They were just a bunch of drunk bikers, but he was Five Hargreeves. Former superhero, former assassin, time traveler, your boyfriend, Five Hargreeves. Looking back at the guy who spoke to him Five mocked,

"Or what?"

Before any of them could say anything though he had already blinked out of the room and outside to follow Pogo. As he looked around the lot of motorcycles he saw Pogo's figure quickly riding away on one.

"Shit." Five said aloud

Looking around he saw another biker, his motorcycle turned on and ready to ride off. Quickly approaching him, Five shouted,

"Hey, I need your bike. It's an emergency."

However, the man on the motorcycle gave Five a snarky look as he retorted,

"Think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit."

"Give me the bike or else." Five shouted back

But the man did not listen and instead began to ride off down the road. Stand where he was left, Five looked at the biker who had ridden off and quietly said,

"Okay."

This wasn't what he wanted to do, but he needed a ride immediately if he was going to keep up with Pogo. With a running start, Five blinked onto the back of the motorcycle of the guy who had driven away. Placing his hands on the guy's shoulders, Five forced him off the bike before taking control of it himself. Steadying himself he looked around for Pogo and once he had spotted him up ahead he floored it so that he could keep up. As he followed behind Five knew one thing, this was going to be a long, stressful night.

As for you, the night felt quite calm compared to where your day started. The pain and grief of losing all your friends hadn't vanished. In reality, it still hurt a lot, but at least for now, you were distracted. There were only so many days until the world ended and perhaps if you could distract yourself until then, maybe you could at least co-exist with your pain. After you and Ben finished eating, he paid for your meals as you made your way back to the Academy. You and Ben walked down the sidewalk idly chatting with each other, your voices being the only prominent sound in an oddly quiet part of the city. As you ambled back, you playfully bumped into him as you attempted to push him into the empty road. Seeing what you had done, Ben smirked before bumping back into you a little harder toward the building you walked next to. Back and forth you went bumping each other, first just using your bodies but then incorporating your powers for some extra strength. With one tentacle Ben shoved you toward the nearest building and laughed as you phased through the wall to avoid crashing into it. Popping back out of the wall, you looked at him as he continued to laugh and with a flick of your wrist, you sent him stumbling off the sidewalk and into the road. As you watched him struggle to stay on his feet you began to laugh back at him.

But then, you felt the energy of the world changing. It was no longer peaceful and calm, something was growing and quickly. Your gut dropped and your laughter stopped as you looked off toward the Academy just two blocks away. You knew what this feeling was and you knew how this ended. You froze, adrenaline coursing through your system, but fear keeping you paralyzed. Each energy wave was worse than the last. The pain was immense and the injuries you sustained increased each time. Oh god, what if this one took you? You told Five you would come back to him. You couldn't leave him like this. You loved him. All you had wanted was a little time. Why was there never enough time? You wanted to run away or hide or do anything you could to protect yourself but the terror of the unknown immobilized you. All it seemed like you could do was wait for the black hole to burst.

As Ben regained his balance, he noticed that you had stopped laughing. Looking over at you he saw you frozen in place your eyes trained forward down the street. Looking off in the distance he tried to see what it was that caused you to freeze, but there was nothing there. Something wasn't right. He could feel it. Quickly, he rushed over to you and saw the terror in your eyes. He could feel his heart start to beat faster and he asked,

"(Y/N), are you okay?"

Hearing Ben's voice, your eyes finally peeled away from the road ahead to him. As you looked at him you saw the sincerity in his eyes and you heard the genuine concern in his voice. And even through your panic you saw him. You saw Ben. The one who sought you out. The one who paid attention to you. The Ben who cared for you. He may not have been the same Ben, but he was still your Ben. He was your friend. He was the family the rest of Hargreeves couldn't be. If this was going to happen, at least you knew you'd have someone who cared by your side.

"Whatever happens, promise you won't leave me." You quickly stated, a begging-like tone to your voice

Leave you? He wasn't going to leave you. You were different and fun and he liked talking to you. He didn't feel pressured to be anything with you. You were kind, but you called him out in a way that no one else could. He liked having you around. Leaving you would be the last thing he'd want to do.

"I- I don't understand," Ben replied confused

You were running out of time. The wave was coming and it felt powerful. You didn't know if you'd make it through this one and you didn't want to be alone. You were terrified of being alone. You needed a friend. You needed Ben to promise you to stay. Stay like he always had. Grabbing at his shirt, you looked at him desperately as you shouted,

"Promise me, Ben!"

Ben.

He was Ben.

You called him Ben.

He looked at you, and although your face was frightened your eyes were earnest and sincere. He was Ben. He was your Ben. You wanted him to stay with you and he was going to do just that. He was never going to leave and nothing in this world was going to keep him from you.

"I promise." He replied softly

You gave him a weak smile, but it didn't last long as the energy you felt build up finally burst. Your head whipped back as you saw the giant wave of energy rushing toward you. Your only hope was that the pain would be over quickly. Closer and closer it came, causing you to feel sick even before it hit, and then just like that, it tore through your system. You felt an unbearable ripping sensation spread through your body, like blades cutting you from the inside and out. As you felt your body giving out from under you, you thought of Five one more time before everything went black.

It was as if the world moved in slow motion as Ben watched you go from standing with him holding onto his shirt to letting go and falling to the ground. He tried to reach out to catch you but he wasn't quick enough. Immediately, he dropped to his knees on the ground next to you and gently shook your shoulders as he called out,

"(Y/N)?"

But you didn't respond. You didn't even move. His heart began to race as he looked over you. All your wounds that were practically healed were now reopened and spilling out blood, and on top of it, there were new, worse wounds as well. You looked pale and when he reached out to check your pulse, he found one but it certainly wasn't strong. Oh god. No. NO! He couldn't lose you. He had just started getting to know you. Just started getting to be around you. You had only moments ago called him by his name. He promised he would stay with you, but he couldn't just let you go. He had to save you. Quickly, he scooped you up in his arms and ran down the blocks toward the Academy. There you could get the treatment you needed. As he made it to the Academy he practically kicked down the door to get in and as he stood in the foyer, with urgency in his tone, he shouted,

"HELP! HELP!"

Quickly, Luther and Sloane ran from the parlor into the foyer where Ben stood. The two of them looked at him and saw the urgency in his eyes before noticing what was making him so panicked. There in his arms was you, limp, pale, and bloodied. It was an awful sight to see you in such a condition.

"Oh my god!" Sloane exclaimed, "What happened?!"

"I don't know!" Ben replied, pained unease in his tone

Luther knew what had happened though. It had to have been the same thing that happened earlier today. Nothing else could tear you apart like a strong molecular disturbance and the Kugelblitz was the only thing capable of doing so as of late.

"It must've been another kugelwave." Luther explained "Because of her powers it tears her apart. I saw it happen earlier today."

Ben looked at Luther before looking back at you. That's right, you had mentioned when he found you in the warehouse that the black hole was tearing you apart, and down in the basement you had made the comment of being in immense pain when the black hole explodes. He felt stupid for not realizing what had happened and even stupider for letting one of the people who caused the blackhole point out what was wrong. But as stupid as he felt that didn't matter right now, what mattered was getting you the help you needed. Ben scowled at Luther before turning his attention to Sloane.

"I'm bringing her up to the med bay." Ben stated before commanding "Go find Grace."

But Sloane didn't move. She couldn't as she stared at your unconscious form. You might not have been dead, but you certainly looked it and it hurt her to see you in such a way. No one had been as nice to her in her entire life as you had been in the few moments you were with her. She didn't know if she could call her siblings friends, a lot of times it felt like they were just coworkers, but you were the first person she felt was actually her friend. She couldn't help, but gently reach a hand out toward you, but Ben took a step back and held you closer to him. Looking up at her brother she could see a mix of anger and fear on his face. She had never seen him look like this before.

"SLOANE, GO FIND GRACE!" Ben shouted "NOW!"

"Uh- right- okay!" Sloane stuttered before running off with Luther in tow

With Sloane and Luther attempting to find Grace, Ben rushed up the stairs of the Academy and toward the med bay next to the kitchen. Gently, he placed you down on the bed in there as he waited for Sloane to arrive. What was only a few moments felt like forever as Sloane finally appeared with Grace. Giving a curt nod to Sloane, he turned to look at Grace, her cultish look and missing eye weren't an appealing sight for someone he was hoping to take care of you, but she was the best resource to help. It's not like he could take you to the hospital. At this point there probably wasn't enough staff and surely they would ask questions he wouldn't be able to answer.

"You need to help her. Immediately." Ben commanded

"Of course." Grace replied, her tone cheery but flat "Please leave the room so I can have space to work."

No. He wasn't going to leave. You had asked him to stay with you and he was going to do so no matter what.

"What? No. I want to stay here." Ben complained

"C'mon Ben, look at her, you need to let Grace work or she's going to get worse." Sloane mentioned before offering "If you want we can keep the door open."

He didn't want to leave the room, but Sloane was right. You were looking worse by the second, and you needed help now. At least if the door was open, he could watch Grace to make sure she did her job and nothing else. No matter how much he hated it, it was the best option for now and so he relented,

"Fine."

He gestured for Sloane and Luther to leave the room and once they did so he followed them out making sure to leave the door wide open. While Luther took a seat at the kitchen table, and Sloane started making a pot of coffee, Ben went back and forth between pacing the kitchen and standing in the doorframe of the med bay to watch Grace work. Five minutes became ten, and ten became thirty, and with each passing minute Ben worried more about if you were okay. Surely if it was nothing serious Grace would've been done by now, right? He could see her taking care of you, cleaning your wounds, stitching up gashes, giving you IV fluids, but why was it taking so long? He paced around faster, his head turning to look into the doorway every time he passed by.

As he aggressively paced, Luther and Sloane sat together at the kitchen table just watching Ben. Sloane had never seen him act this way before. She recalled times when he was more vulnerable as children, but his exterior grew harder as he got older, especially after the incident when he was 17. It had been a very long time since she had seen him so concerned about someone other than himself. Perhaps you had found a way to get through to him like no one else could. You certainly were the nicest person the Sparrows had encountered, besides her sweetie pie of a boyfriend of course.

Luther however wasn't as surprised at Ben's reaction. You and Ben had always been close. The relationship between you two wasn't the same as between you and Five of course, but if there was anyone in the family you trusted as much as Five, it was Ben. When Five was busy doing solo training with Reginald, it was always Ben who sought you out. When Ben, unfortunately, fell to the wayside of their father's favor because he didn't like using his powers, you always noticed and stuck up for him. Whenever you spoke, Ben was always intently listening to every word you said. When others didn't have the time to spare to be with him and his literature discussions you always showed up for him. It didn't matter what timeline or what Ben it was, that care, connection, and concern were still there.

The three of them were quiet as they waited for Grace to finish with you, the only sounds being Ben's pacing and the sipping of coffee. But after what felt like forever, Grace finally stepped out of the med bay and into the kitchen. Some blood covered her clothing and her face was relatively expressionless as she looked at the group.

"Is she going to be okay?" Ben immediately questioned

"She is unconscious, but she is stable." Grace explained, "She needs rest but given her current vitals her chances of waking up in the next 12 hours are extremely likely."

The three Hargreeves all sighed a breath of relief as they heard that you'd be okay, but once Grace was out of the way Ben went quickly back into the room and stood by your side. Your wounds were closed and bandaged, there was more color in your face, and minus the stains on your clothing, all the blood you bled was cleaned up. You were injured, but you were okay. Without leaving your side Ben used one of his tentacles to grab a chair from the kitchen table. Bringing it back into the room he placed it behind him before quietly sitting down next to your bedside. Gently, he took one of your hands in his, holding it just as gently as you held his before. He kept his eyes on you, but in his peripheral, he could see as Sloane and Luther entered the room.

"I'm going to stay with her until she wakes up." Ben stated

"Grace said she's going to be okay." Sloane replied, "You don't have to stay."

Yes he did. He did have to stay. He promised you he would and he wasn't going to break that promise. You were terrified when you had passed out. You needed someone to be there for you when you woke to tell you that you were safe.

"I'm not leaving her." Ben stated

"Ben, it's late. I think you should get some rest." Sloane explained

"I said I'm not leaving!" He snapped

Sloane and Luther looked at each other shocked at his outburst, but since it seemed like there was no convincing him to go, it was best just to let him stay.

"Okay..." Sloane quietly said, "Well, Luther and I are heading to bed."

"Then go." Ben remarked, waving them off

Taking Sloane's hand, Luther began to walk the two of them out of the room to leave Ben be, but as they began to head out Sloane whispered,

"What's gotten into him? I've never seen him like this before."

"I don't know, but it's not for us to figure out." Luther whispered back

Ben's eyes darted over to the doorway as he watched the two of them leave. They may have thought they were quiet enough, but Ben heard them. And while Luther and Sloane may not have known what had gotten into Ben, he sure did. All throughout the day it became more and more obvious to him why he was acting the way he was and there was no amount of forced obliviousness or emotional redirection that could deny what he knew now.

He loved you.

He was truly, madly, deeply, undeniably in love with you. It wasn't until he experienced the very real possibility of losing you that it all finally clicked. Ever since he met you, you had consumed his thoughts. When you walked in the room he couldn't think straight and when you looked at him you made his stomach do flips. When you spoke he was completely enthralled and when you touched him, he felt electrified. You were smart and talented and caring and gentle and beautiful. For the first time in a very long time, when he was with you, he didn't feel like Number Two, or Number One, he just felt like Ben. You made him feel this way, and he never wanted to let this feeling go. He looked at you softly, a smile coming to his face as he quietly said,

"I'm not leaving you."

Carefully, he brought your hand, which he held closer to him, and placed a gentle kiss on top of it.

"I promise."

#the umbrella academy #tua #umbrella academy #five x reader #five hargreeves x reader #tua five hargreeves #five hargreeves

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technologyculturedneo · 2 months ago

Text

icantfeelanything. Lee Donghyuck

“I don’t want to leave him! He’s mine and I am his!”

PAIRING(s). Donghyuck X Reader X Chenle

SUMMARY. Your whole world comes to an end when your knocked over by a car and are proclaimed dead. Yet you wake up in a different space, your boyfriend, Donghyuck’s mind. You are met with a furious ‘Memory Keeper’ Mr Zhong who tries to force you out. You’re reluctant to leave simply because he wants Donghyuck to move on from losing you. However, that is something you refuse to do as long as you're in his mind.

-Dreamscape Masterlist-

20:36 p.m.

It happens quickly. So quick that only a second goes by. So swiftly that you watch your soul fighting to remain intact to your body.

One minute you're running across the street with the biggest grin on your face, without any fear in the quiet road. The next moment your body is collided by such brute force that instantly you feel the cracks and punctures piercing out through your bone and body. Surging- high up in the air bitterly painful but beautifully dead- in pain you hear a splat sound as you fall and hit the pavement floors! It takes a millisecond to lose sight, but you see red. Your vision goes blurry, your eyelids shut involuntarily, your rapture your ears- eardrums beating promptly and briskly only causing you to hear muffling sounds. A spike sound has your heartbeat pounding so loud that your ears fight not to burst. Through it all, through this moment… that moment on the cold night, the paved road, you make out your boyfriend's state of worry. But even though you hear him... your body can't move.

Hyuck...

Parched lips, blood over your eyes, shivering with pain bruising all over your body. Your flickering eyes and palpable sense of lack in body motions has you worried – especially when you see your own steadfast boyfriend rushing to your side in panic and horror.

"You're going....to...ok-"

Your mind goes blank. Quiet. That quiet is scary as you fight to open your eyes. Nothing but pain spikes your attention again.

When you open your eyes again, you're almost blinded by all the light. Hyuck…

You’re confused to see his tears, to hear his voice that's fading in and out of your ears. It’s painful. You just want to close your eyes, but the sight of the heavy tears rolling down his eyes has you… fighting. He’s crying hysterically moving his lips in haste, talking words you can’t hear. The pain is too much. Your heart strains, but you can’t find the strength to open your heavy eyes and look at him anymore. Your heart beating hysterically.

No.

Your mind gets blurry each and every time you try to open your eyes. But all you can see aside from waves of dizziness and blood, is your boyfriend. Broken and just so… broken. Hyuck… You try to move your hand, but it’s heavy. You try to move your lips, but their sore. You try to lift your head but you can’t feel nothing but the pain, you TRY to do something! You try so hard to even catch a beat of your heart, but your body doesn’t respond, your mind feels detached, your whole soul feels light as it leaves your body! No!- you only see his tears when you close your eyes after fighting for so long. A single stream leaves your own eye.

Donghyuck runs rapidly by the nurses’ side pushing forward the trolley bed with your unconscious body. He holds onto your bloodied hand unable to control his breathing. The tears are just as fast as his words, and his legs levitate with the speed he’s at. “You’re okay, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay, just hold on, hold on baby. Please hold on. Don’t leave, don’t leave. Please stay, please stay, baby please. I’m here, I’m here, I’m right here, please be okay, please please please, please- PLEASE!”

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go past this point,” A nurse cuts him from your hand, holding him back with another nurse trying to restrain his movements while the other nurses continue to hurry in pushing the trolley forward.

“Please you- I need to be there! I need to be by her side-” Donghyuck’s legs that try to get past the nurse becomes heavy and he thumps down on the ground watching your bed disappear after turning a corner. He barely shouts out clinging to his shirt that's bloodied and hands stained with your blood. He can only see red. He's finding it hard to breathe, his chest feels tight, his breathing is irregular and the damn tears won’t stop flowing out his eyes.

The nurses’ voices fade away when he recalls all that happened just hours ago. He heard your yelp seconds before the accident. One second, you were there grinning and running to him, and out of nowhere your body was suddenly ‘kicked’ high in the cold dark air- flying like a ball with such speed he only saw in cartoons. His soul felt like it had been struck by lightning, because the moment he ran- he felt as though he would burn and die by how fast he got to you. His only priority was you – there was nothing else in his head but your wellbeing. The flying image of your body, the excruciating sound he heard when the car almost drove over your lifeless body, and how your hands struggled to hold onto him, made him hysterical.

"Please Y/n, you can't die. Stay."

You had to survive, you had to survive for him. You had to survive, you couldn’t just go, you couldn’t just go like that. There was so much that was left unsaid, so many feelings he wanted to express to you. So many things he wanted to share with you. You had to survive because of all the things you and him had planned out. He only had you in his life. He only had you.

With haste again, Donghyuck runs to the seriously firm and sturdy Doctor that approaches him. The doctor notices the dried blood stains over Donghyuck's shirt (possibly your blood) and he can tell that he might be the boyfriend that the nurse told him about. The doctor can see the trauma going through Donghyuck's eyes covered in a failing smile.

“Yes Doctor? How is she? She’s fine right? She’s okay right? S-she’s fine, I know she is. She’s a survivor. She’s a fighter, she’s my girl, she can’t die. She’s okay right. Oh my god, I knew it. Good because her brother, her brother is here-”

Donghyuck rambles on with an anxious positive spirit. He was positive that you survived, because he knew you, you weren’t the type to go down without fighting, fighting for life…fighting for him. The doctor watches on with a stale face but it slowly falls away and becomes filled with dismay and melancholy. He watches how Donghyuck has a wounded smile, with tears that prickle underneath his eyes, as he motions for Mark to come over. The doctor and Mark both see right through Donghyuck’s smile for the pain that’s truly building up in him.

“Mark, Mark, please come. Please tell the Doctor about your sister, she’s incredible and is alive, right?” Donghyuck prompts, avoiding the Doctor’s eyes that already said the words he didn't want to hear.

Donghyuck grins brightly at the doctor, the tears already falling down his eyes.

“Doctor, why aren’t you saying anything? Please say something. Tell us good news,”

Donghyuck’s smile twitches as he stares at the Doctor. His tongue begins to heavily tremble, when the male Doctor looks down.

As if possessed Donghyuck grabs onto the Doctor’s shoulders. “SAY SOMETHING! GODDAMNIT SPEAK! FUCK! SAY SHE’S ALIVE! PLEASE- please, please, please-“ Donghyuck’s words fade away as he clings onto the Doctor’s coat shutting his eyes tightly knowing very well that he won’t be hearing those words tonight… he won’t be hearing those words ever. “This can’t be… This can’t happen… Y/n… doctor please tell me you saved her. Please tell me you tried to save her… doctor…” Donghyuck drops to the ground, tears rushing out like a flood gate. His hands hit the floor as he buries his head on his hands as he cries out your name.

Mark not having enough energy is already seated on the bench, with a headache forming in his head from holding in his tears. His eyes are red and sting, tears ready to spill and overflow, his jaw feels strangled as the veins pump in heaps of pain. He lays his head in his hands fighting back with waves of crushing emotions swerving all over him. Donghyuck was already in a ball on the floor wailing out for his dear life- Mark is seconds away from letting his guard down but he tightly guards his trembling lips because he has to be the stronger person. But how could he be strong when hearing this news… He scoffs they didn’t even hear the news, hearing the words would just be too painful. You’re gone. Mark holds himself back as he realizes that he has no little sister anymore. You’re gone. You’re… gone.

“My deepest condolence for your loss.” Lifting his head up when feeling a brisk hand on his shoulder, his teary eyes peek up to the Doctor who’s already looking down at him, a coat of dejection and despair looming over him. “Your sister was as the young fellow said, she was exactly strong and did put up a fight. You’re allowed in her room for some days. If possible we'd appreciate it if you signed her release papers. There was nothing I could do to save her, for that, I apologize.”

“Oh god. She’s here!”

“Is she really here? Should we inform headquarters?”

“She’s truly stunning, I can’t believe she’s here,”

“But what is she doing here?”

“She’s not supposed to be here.”

Sound morphs all around you allowing you to hear voices around you. Your eyes are frozen literally, as if your body is trying to understand why it’s not feeling pain anymore. Nothing hurts. You try to make out the voices, yet you know none of them. Your conscious attention is directed to something else when you can feel… some sort of liquid being poured over your toes. Your breath hitches in your throat shutting out all the voices as you try to focus on whatever is being poured over your body. With trembling lips, you feel your knees and ankles buckle when the liquid substance pours over. It’s cold and it clings to your legs, your torso, your breast, your arms- everything gets soaked into the liquid goo and eventually your neck and head and even hair get smeared with the clinging liquid squeezing your body shut. You feel suffocated and chills all over your body. After a daunting time you struggle to breathe!- your body finally trembles and you can feel every inch of your figure and every movement of your fingers. Your eyes fly open as you sharply huff in a large intake of air.

Those around your figure stand by with some wet towels, dry towels and a robe. They watch your clear slime covered figure breaking out of the yoke you were in. You’re wet and nude as you shoot up on the white operating table panting for your dear life. They stand in astonishment watching you in awe, at how breathtaking you look.

You cough out trying to get rid of the odd liquid substance that entered your mouth. Your eyes are struck by the blinding yellow of the room you’re in- and the weird goo. You see three ladies in the room and you can’t stop trying to breathe as your breath feels short and unstable. “Why can’t I breathe?”

You're short of breath yet again when you look down to see the gooey slime all over your body. Shrieking out of the white mattress the ladies follow you and so does the gooey white slime. The slime falls off of you and your stunned that you’re bare and exposed. A squeak leaves your lips when the ladies scramble to you quickly wiping you and cleaning you up. You quiver in fear but stay still out of shock as they continue to clean you up and assure you that everything is alright.

However that doesn’t seem to be the case when your head snaps to the side watching as the door fiercely opens up and with heavy propelled steps, a figure stands in all black. Your frantic eyes are sharply on the male figure that enters the room with sharp eyes of vexation. Your arms quick in reflex cover up your exposed breast, but the ladies around you are faster in getting a grip of your hands trying to clean you with the wet towels and dry towels. “Hey-” your side tracked when seeing the ladies faces… Donghyuck? They look like your boyfriend but in different colored wigs.

This was supposed to be simple, with you waking up, coming out of your yoke, sitting up and calmly being cleaned up. Normal procedures for the ladies in white, yet they're stunned and muzzled by your befuddlement and the entrance of a presence that’s not supposed to be here.

“Mr Zhong,” The main nurse steps forward bowing to him. “You’re here.” Is all she can manage to say. Why was he here? What was he doing here? What did he want? He’s not supposed to be here during clean up- not even that, seeing him out of the main core center is unusual.

“What the hell are you doing here?” His question and devious tone is not aimed at the nurse or other cleaners. No, it’s aimed at you. You simply stare at him quivering back in fear with every step he takes. You’re just as frightened and confused like the other nurses, but you’re more on the alarmed side.

Where were you? And what is going on- what is going on?

Mr Zhong stands in front of you, his being towering your bare trembling body. Your eyes are on his harsh dark eyes as you watch his own irked eyes move down your body. Your hands are too afraid to cover up so you let him take in your nude body that’s been cleaned up.

“Answer me.” He whispers making chills run down your spine- his voice rises again so loud that you jump. “What are you doing here!?”

You cower your eyes looking down trying to hold yourself from exploding into a scared cry. “I don’t know- I don’t know where I am. I don’t know anything. I just woke up! I think I hit my head or something and-”

“Mr Zhong she just woke up from her yolk. She’s disoriented and her memory is still foggy. If you give us a few minutes we’ll get her in-”

“Where’s Hyuck?” Your soft voice speaks up as his eyes suddenly come up into your eyes. You were at a hospital the last you remember with Donghyuck… you were in an accident. “Where is he?”

“Oh god.” Mr Zhong rolls his eyes shut in irritation as he runs his hand through his hair. “Get her cleaned up right now will you? Why is it taking so long?”

The nurses are quick to clean you up, applying some lotion for your body and even massaging your shoulders and head, scraping your skull with deep fingers calming you down. You feel like you’re being given a free spa treatment, when they wrap your body in a robe. They make you perform some balance test, asking you move your head left and right, if you can stand on your right leg and left leg, they dress you up in a white bra, a white vest and finally a white shirt, paired with white underwear and a white skirt. You feel comfortable amongst the ladies who strangely look like Donghyuck. Nonetheless you ignore the male figure in a black suit eyeing everything that they’re doing.

Are you dreaming? Did you hit your head?

His eyes are shamelessly glaring you down as the ladies pamper you up with sweet calming words that meant absolutely nothing to him. You were here and if you were here, it only meant trouble.

“Alright. You’re all cleaned up.” The three nurses stand in front of you bowing, before returning to their natural smiles. You don’t understand why you had to be cleaned up and why these ladies even looked like Donghyuck. In fact, where is-

“Where’s Donghyuck?” You ask.

The smiles slowly slip from their lips looking to each other.

“She’s a spirit.” Your eyes turn to Mr Zhong seated on the chair watching you with such distaste that you instantly look away. “A lover.” Why is he looking at you with such anger? And what is a lover?

“A lover?” The mentions of a lover floats around the air on different lips of the nurses as you look around the yellow space.

“I need to get back to Hyuck,”

“No.” Mr Zhong stands up sternly. “What you will do is follow me, and hopefully you can get out of here before you overdo your stay.”

“You’re dead.”

“No.”

“You’re dead.”

You gulp and shake your head. “I’m awake. I’m alive.”

“You’re dead.” The guy known as Mr Zhong repeats his words. You shake your head with disbelief not allowing your ears to believe a thing he’s saying.

“I’m not dead.” You say again. It seems like a cycle with you in denial and Mr Zhong repeatedly repeating himself not wanting to break the cycle. It seems like he really wants you to get it in your head that you’re- “I’m not dead!”

“You’re dead.” He deadpans again.

“No I’m not.”

Not bothering to change his wording, he crosses his arms only staring at you bored and angered out of his mind. “You’re dead.”

“Stop saying that!” You yell standing up balling your fists. There are tears clinging to your eyes. “I can’t be dead! I can’t! Can’t you see I’m breathing? Are you blind to that?”

“You don’t even have a heartbeat or pulse.” Mr Zhong tilts his head. “You’re dead.”

“Stop!” You yell at him controlling your hands to stop you from trying to slap or push him. Blinking your tears away. “Stop saying that please. I only asked you where Donghyuck is.”

“And I’ve been telling you that you’re inside of him.” He shuts his eyes rubbing his temple. “And that’s because you’re-”

“I will strangle you if you dare repeat that sentence.”

He calls your name once while turning around. How did he know your name? “You’re wasting precious time. You know what, follow me, if you want proof and clarification.”

Being told you’re dead and that you’re inside your lover (inside of Donghyuck’s body) causes an unstable balance inside of you. You look at your hands and see how clear they are from any wound, but you can also remember feeling numb from all the idle pain all over your body. You can’t remember what happened- but you know that you were hurt badly. Otherwise why else was Donghyuck crying. You remember following him to the hospital... or he was following you- you’re not sure, but you do know that he was in an insane amount of pain...wait, you were in an insane amount of pain. You felt your head about to explode and your entire body in such frail torture, throbbing and aching.

If you felt that pain, then why are you okay right now? It’s the only thing you can think about. You turn around in the white hall, finally finding Mr Zhong by an elevator. He sticks out like a sore thumb because everything in the room is white except his dark suit. Your legs are heavy but you follow him and stand beside him in the elevator letting out a chilling breath.

“Where are you taking me?”

You pose simply, only to have him ignore you and press up a button. The elevator starts moving up and you notice that the doors are clear and see through. As the elevator goes up, the white hall you were in goes down and the new scenery of black clouds and a neon view of an ominous city lights up in the night, but the elevator goes higher despite floating in… midair. You stand closer to the door taking in the view of each layer of the city that is darkened and only lit by the flashing colors of pink blue and yellow. The confusion in you only grows. The views disappear and a grey room is present when the elevator stops. The doors slide open and Mr Zhong takes steps out with you carefully following him.

After leaving that weird place, he continued being cold with a bothered face. You can already guess that he doesn’t like you at all, not one bit. He barely gave any other emotion then abhor and clear hatred. Maybe hate is too strong but that’s what you can see in his eyes. He hates you and you don’t know why, you don’t even know him. But he somehow seems to be in charge as he walks around like he knows everything.

In the narrow grey corridor, you try to keep up with him as he turns into various open turns. Peeking from behind him you spot a door that’s in front with the number 4R.

A flashing white light hits your eyes and you shake your head hearing loud voices.

“Pulse going down!”

“Doctor we’re losing blood, we’re losing her!”

“We need to stabilize her stat!”

You stand still shutting your eyes to block out the words but they continue on yet instead of getting louder, they slowly fade.

“Get the charge.”

“Volt?”

“180.”

“Standby. Clear.”

You gasp aloud and pant out.

“Pulse fading.”

“Again. Standby. Clear.”

A sharp sting grips your chest and you grab it gasping out.

“Pulse fading.”

“We’re losing her.”

It’s the last thing you hear before sharply opening your eyes blinking excessively when Mr Zhong stands in front of you. “That’s called your Last Memory.”

“Last Memory?” You ask trying to catch your breath and stand straight.

“Yes. The last thing your inactive brain remembers before it shuts down. I guess this hall triggered it.”

“But I thought I’m in Donghyuck’s mind?” You whisper out grumpily standing straight. “What the hell is going on?”

“Right now we’re not in Donghyuck’s mind. I just took your spirit out of it. Plus another day has passed. It’s almost 7pm. You’re tethered to him.”

“What?” Confusion washes over you yet again, by the words that leave his lips. You have no idea of the things he’s talking about. “What do you mean tethered to him?”

He turns on his heel continuing to walk towards the door named 4R. “Things will make sense when you come to terms with the fact that you’re dead.”

He opens the door and there’s a dim light that he disappears into. Quickly you follow him rubbing your eyes upon entering the bright room.

You can hear soft sobs and instantly snap your head to the source. There’s a hospital bed and a chair. On the chair... And on the bed...

You feel your heart about to explode from beating so fast. Your knees lose balance and you fall down. “W-what is this?” You ask unable to comprehend the sight before you.

Mr Zhong stands by the corner of the room with his hands in his pocket as he looks at the sight of your dead body on the bed and Donghyuck’s disheveled appearance seated on the chair. He’s crying as his eyes are fixed on your lifeless face.

“What memory is this?” You ask trembling as you try to get on your feet with your weak body trying to handle and support your movement. But it can’t, your emotions wearing you down.

“This isn’t a memory.” Mr Zhong speaks taking in a breath stepping closer. “You died 3 days ago. Today, they’re discharging your body and preparing for burial-”

“B-burial?” Your heart hammers in your chest as you fall again to the ground. “Burial for what? Who’s getting buried?”

“Your burial is in 2 days time,” Mr Zhong continues.

“No.” A string of disbelief leaves your lips just as your tears blur your vision. You stumble up and run to Donghyuck but get the surprise of your life when your whole body passes through him and you fall rigidly to the ground. “D-Donghyuck?” You cry out immediately sitting up and trying to touch him. “Baby please I’m here! I’m here! That’s not me! That’s not me! I’m here! Donghyuck! Hyuck! Baby!” Your voice quivering and trembling as you try so desperately to cling onto his body, but each time your hand goes through, until you’re struggling to breathe with your chest at a loss of air. “No!” You wail out in deep agony. “I survived- I’m here. I can feel and that’s not me. That’s not me- please no.”

Your tears are nonstop as you bury your head on Donghyuck’s thigh… well, trying too.

Mr Zhong’s eyes widen when he senses that Donghyuck can suddenly feel your presence. Donghyuck blows out a breath of air and his own tears stream down faster as he looks at your dead body on the bed. He stands up and his whole body circles your dead body again as he cries. He’s not supposed to be holding you, but the nurses are not around, and he could care less about the trouble he would be in. Mr Zhong lets out a breath of relief when sensing it was only your sorrowed and burden emotions that pushed Donghyuck into another wave of tears.

Mr Zhong needed to get you out, but your weakened state next to the feet of your boyfriend has him in despair. Even though he despises you, he knows how much you mean to Donghyuck, and so he leaves the room to let you have a moment. After all you just found out that you’re dead.

You're crying alongside Donghyuck, while Mr Zhong stands outside the door listening to the both of you pour out your hearts. Of course it’s hard to believe you’re inside of Donghyuck’s mind when you can see him with your physical eyes. But then again, Mr Zhong has been here far longer than you have. In his mind, he tries to think of ways to get you out of Donghyuck’s head before it’s too late. He shakes his head. “It’s already late.” He mutters to himself. “But I need to get her out of here. Before anyone sees her.”

This is all happening because Donghyuck doesn't want to let you go. Mr Zhong sighs. He needs to get you out of Donghyuck's head, he needs to do it as soon as possible before you got sucked in. The less you know the better. It’s even better that no one saw you aside from those nurses. He needs to get you out before another member inside of Donghyuck sees you.

Mr Zhong's senses alert and sharpen when he can feel Donghyuck and you together. Donghyuck can feel you. That’s not good. Donghyuck can’t interact with your spirit. Under no circumstance is he allowed to do that. Mr Zhong bursts into the hospital room his eyes enlarging when you're hugging Donghyuck from behind. You’re focusing your entire being just to hug Donghyuck and it seems to be working because Donghyuck can feel your presence… or rather can feel an embrace wrapping their arms around him. Donghyuck is anything but confused as he cries out. “I can’t live without you. I can’t…” Donghyuck shakes his head when seeing your dried out and dull lifeless lips.

Meanwhile Mr Zhong's heart beats rapidly when he senses what Donghyuck is about to do. He gulps and his legs are quick to act in grabbing your shirt from behind and yanking you. "We have to go now."

"Wh-what? Why?" You're ripped from Donghyuck as Mr Zhong pulls you back. You try to fight him off you with your strength but Mr Zhong balls his fist and your body begins to move against your will. "No- please- just give me more time with him! Please-"

Your words fall on deaf ears as Mr Zhong's running and forcing your body to move as well in the direction you came from. In a far distance as you cross your ‘Last memory’ you hear the words of the Doctor charging your body again and you jolt up when feeling the electrical current shoot throughout your body, however the process is short lived when you're pulled away extremely fast and into the elevator next to Mr Zhong. “Come one go faster. Go faster.” Mr Zhong stresses out. You wipe your tears suddenly being drawn to his alertness. What’s going on now?

There's a loud ringing in your head when the elevator door opens up to a... large white room that looks like a lab with plenty of laptops and screens. –Beep- Beep- Beep- the alarm sounds off very loudly.

"What's going on?" You shut your eyes when the ringing ‘crings’ annoyingly. You can't hear Mr Zhong but with blurry sight you see him run out of the elevator to the white room… that's slowly turning dark. You try to follow however your mind is distorted and you collapse on the ground due to all the ringing.

Mr Zhong- tagged along with a great hand of different operators run around the ‘monitor room’ also known as the Core control room. With screens all over monitoring all of Donghyuck’s scenes, there’s one large screen that captures what he’s seeing exactly. That’s the one that Mr Zhong controls when he senses that Donghyuck isn’t being himself. The people in the room all in charge of different senses are running up and down in haste- trying to get Donghyuck to calm down- they press on all the buttons that are used to prevent a forced ‘shut down’. The lights in the center are fading black.

Donghyuck is having a breakdown and is about to shut down his mind. That can't happen. Because if it happens, then the Core can’t control, leaving Donghyuck in the hands of his impulsive ‘Body’. Mr Zhong pulls on a leather hanger and blinks several times when eyeing the monitor screen to see through Donghyuck's eyes.

Donghyuck is still in the hospital room pacing back and forth, wanting to rampage. “I… I should be the one to die. I should be the one to die. I should be… the one… to…” Huffing and puffing, Donghyuck picks up his car keys and goes out the door. He can hear his brain telling him not to do it but there's just so much emotion building in him that he can't fathom or want to feel. Getting in his car he slams the door shut and bangs repeatedly on the steering wheel yelling out in sheer anger and possibly crying out.

Mr Zhong speaks into Donghyuck’s thoughts as his ‘subconscious voice’. “Don’t do it Donghyuck. You don’t have to do something crazy to prove.”

Drive. However, with the fading lights in the control room, Donghyuck gives into the will of the Body to drive instead of listen to his own thoughts.

"No!" Mr Zhong hastily pulls on the leather to try and have some more light- to try and have control in the darkening room. The other coordinators are scampering in heaps of fear by Donghyuck's edged decisions. "Come on Donghyuck! Please don’t do it! Listen to be before you do something crazy! Stop the car!"

All efforts in the control room are vain when Donghyuck starts the engine and with raging force the tires screech loudly and his car thrusts forward in deadly speed. Cars are hooting on every lane by his careless driving. Donghyuck finds himself not caring and he drives on the highest speed challenging the accelerator in his car. All the windows are up, the car is filled with sounds of him deeply breathing and running his hand over his hair violently and his foot blistering from how cogently he's stepping on the speed paddle.

The Core’s control room is no longer fading black, instead the whole room is a darkened red with flashing lights- the alarm sounds are all off. All the controls are black and the only thing everyone can do is watch the screen of Donghyuck's eyes and he swerves in dangerous speeds racing in between cars and him yelling out. He’s on a high way leading to his own death.

Mr Zhong worriedly looks at the screen watching his best friend lose his mind and having a mild panic attack. Mr Zhong holds onto the ledge tightly with tears in his eyes. “Donghyuck stop this!” All the pain Donghyuck is feeling - he can feel it too. Especially in this moment. Donghyuck is feeling guilty. Worthless. Pathetic for staying alive when his girlfriend has died. Mr Zhong feels useless that he can't do anything but watch as his friend is driving to his own death. In moments like this, when Donghyuck’s Core lost control to the Body- they could do nothing but watch it all happen. All the operators as if in defeat and sync all kneel on the ground together with their eyes no longer trained on the screen but on the floor as they prepare for death. Because by the looks of Donghyuck’s reckless driving, they were bound to death. This is what usually happens when the mind and body are no longer connected. Donghyuck feels on edge that he can't feel anything and so the body moves on its own in rebellion. Mr Zhong doesn't close his eyes, he simply sinks on the ground waiting for the impact of the crush whenever it'll happen.

Is this seriously how Donghyuck will lose his life? By ending it, while thinking of being with you.

Donghyuck panting out in sheer self-resentment drives off the highway and crushes past the border line lanes and he's car is surging down the cliff in rapid speed.

It's getting hot and Mr Zhong can feel it. The roads are bumpy and Donghyuck stupidly removes his seatbelt having his red tearful bleeding eyes already set on a tree. He's ready to crash into.

With determination Donghyuck prepares himself for impact his eyes balling out blurring his vision.

"Hyuck… Hyuck…"

Mr Zhong's ears are sharp when hearing it. Hearing the soft breathless echo. From Donghyuck's eye vision, Mr Zhong sees a ghostly appearance of a hand holding onto the staring wheel… holding onto his hand. Mr Zhong's eyes snap all around until he spots you on the ground (that you supposedly passed out on).

Your lips are dry, your body is flat on the floor, however your eyes are filled with tears when wearily looking at the screen. Mr Zhong makes out your hand that's slowly balling in a fist and by instinct he can feel that Donghyuck can feel it as well. You intertwine your fingers with his.

Donghyuck feeling the tingling sensation presses his foot sharply on the break! pedal causing the car to come to a dangerous sharp stop with the tires raging on and burning up with smoke emitting all around the car. Donghyuck nearly flies off his seat but he grips the wheel tightly especially when still seeing your hand on his.

The car stops a few gaps away from the rough branched tree, but Donghyuck's isn't even focused on that as his breathing rises with his eyes firmly on the hand wrapped tightly in his. He turns to the side and the ghostly appearance of your bloody image is what he sees before it fades away.

“Y/n…” He breaks out into a breathless cry, laying his head on the staring wheel.

In the center, heads rise when noticing the red lights disappear before the white light flickers back on giving control back to the mind. The sadness team comes together to allow Donghyuck to cry- quickly getting back on track to allow Donghyuck to not lose control again. Mummers go around, but Mr Zhong has his eyes fixed on you. The others can't hear it, but he can. He can hear it because Donghyuck can hear your soft whispers in his ear.

"Please, don't do it. Live...for me...please. Hyuck…"

While the coordinators in the room weakly take control of the system, Mr Zhong looks to the screen of Donghyuck's eyes. Donghyuck glares at the empty passenger’s chair and whimpers out your name. Mr Zhong moves to your corner before anyone can see you and he places you in his room leaving the door open. “Why is it so dark in here?”

He ignores you and carries on doing what he was doing. “Rest up.”

Donghyuck falls asleep on the couch again, too lazy to go to his room and too drained to move. After having a full on blow cry of his life, he got out his car when it refused to start again. The car was busted. He walked up the rocky cliff making it to the highway again. His mind not even on the fact that he just lost his car. He felt numb of emotions and his throat was sore. Walking wasn't such a bad idea as he got to slowly recall your weak figure...bloody figure. He got teary eyed again and allowed himself to cry out on the road as he walked meekly on the side. How could he go on without you being there? He couldn't. And that's why, when feeling your presence tonight he wanted to continue feeling it forever more. By the time he got to his house, he crashed on the couch and instantly got induced by sleep.

Mr Zhong monitors everything until he feels sleep take over and Donghyuck is passed out on the couch. Mr Zhong looks at the blank screen being worn out. Now the Dreamers in Dream Land are taking over in giving him something to dream about. Tonight was challenging. If it weren't for you, Donghyuck would've died. As if being summoned Mr Zhong turns his head around when seeing your walking figure. You're dressed in all white again and you sit on the chair next to him.

"I told you to rest." Mr Zhong's voice isn't sharp like before, but it's stern and on the quiet side.

You nod your head slowly, fumbling with the ends of your sleeves out of pure anxiety. "I did. But I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Mr Zhong... I wanna understand what's going on. I'm lost out of my mind and you're the only one who I believe I can talk to."

Mr Zhong turns his head to you and sighs. "What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Besides, you have to leave his body. Let's take a walk."

"You said something about me being a lover. That I’m tethered to Hyuck. Is this heaven? Am I supposed to be here?"

“You’re not supposed to be here, which is why should leave.”

Elevators are Mr Zhong's way of movements you take note. The moment he thinks of it, by a second there's already an elevator door that presents itself. Just like him, it's a darkened grey almost black color. You stand beside him and the elevator goes down and away from the white center room. “Why are you the only one that is coated in darkness?” You question, and as you expected, he doesn’t answer you. By the time the elevator opens up, you see the outside. You follow right behind Mr Zhong on the darkened streets of the neo colored place.

"I’d believe that I’m inside of him if his insides looked all brainy and stuff. So, where are we really?” You pose confused while looking at a place that looked much more like a city then a mind or brain or all bloody.

"The less you know the better. But for a little insight, everybody is different as they should be. If you want brain and blood, just ask and I’ll take you to the real interior of Donghyuck. Right now, we’re in the interior central. The Dreamscape City. You know how some people are, structured, punctual, disciplined and focused? Well Donghyuck's being is like that. Everything that Donghyuck is, his personality: the things he likes, dislikes, traits, smarts, kinks, special places, basically his whole conscious is here in an organized collected city. I call it Cyber Dream, just because of it’s tech style. But everyone here knows it as the pit of Donghyuck or Dreamscape. If you like, you can call yourself a figment of Donghyuck’s imagination." Mr Zhong answers as he navigates himself through a busy street. You’re not far behind from him trying to hear everything he’s saying. He really doesn’t seem to like you. But that’s the least of your concern.

You rest close by being enchanted by all the flashing lights and different buildings and skyscrapers with enchanting names such as; ‘New Things I learnt Encyclopedia’, ‘Guilty Pleasures town’, ‘Music-Phoria home’, ‘Skates City’ and more. What attracts you more are the people.

Your eyes do a double take almost every time when you notice that the people.... probably all of them are lookalikes of Donghyuck but with different hairstyles and clothes. Just like the nurses and the people in the Core room, most of them just have blank faces, or eyes or mouths. Your mind easily grasps these things and you feel like your brain might explode from how weird everything is.

"Figment of his imagination? Dreamscape," You mummer out. You smile when recalling how much of a brainy tech nerd Donghyuck is even internally. “That’s my Hyuck,”

"Everything that he breathes lives here." Mr Zhong nods his head. "Night time. When Donghyuck sleeps, he's left to dream by The Dreamers in Dreamland. They're the ones who coordinate his dream and guide him to a dream or not. While he's out, his Mind, Body and Core begin to rest up. We don’t sleep, we can’t, instead we rest. That basically means the people who work in his Body come out here, the people who work in his Mind come out here and the Core people come out here."

You and Mr Zhong go inside a yellow building called, The Commune, with high shelves, comfortable lounging spaces and such a cozy warm place, the place has such a comfort feeling. Going to the top floor, you and Mr Zhong walk past some people who are seated on the one seat couch or tables as they read quietly or talk together. There’s such harmony. Mr Zhong leads you outside where there are some tables and chairs, but even outside still looks so nice and impressive. You and Mr Zhong draw to the rail and sit on the high stools there, getting sucked into the sporting lights and peaceful sights of the Dreamscape City. The illuminating night sky as well, draws you close and into everything. The night sky is composed of stars that look like objects and faces… little white dots in the sky. You smile when you see your own face.

"Don’t get too comfortable." Mr Zhong breathes out and you face him taking in the structure of his hard face. He's got soft slightly plumped lips, a firm jaw that holds up his face proudly, high cheek bones, slit eyes that are partially open and his hair is a midnight black... just like his whole attire. A very...not so much Donghyuck look alike.

“How come you look so different?” You ask. “Everyone here looks like Donghyuck but you-”

“You’re different too.” Is his response. You don’t press much into it, as you see him giving you such cold eyes. He breathes out again rolling his eyes, as he thinks on how to break down everything to you. "I know you don't like hearing this, but you're dead. I'm sorry," Despite his words sounding sincere you don’t like how he looks at you, or the fact that he doesn’t appreciate your presence with him. “And you have to come in terms with that fact, because it’ll help you get out of here faster.”

You let out a soft breath. There's no denying it now, because you believe it yourself too that you’re dead. But you don’t even know where you are? So why is he so eager to have you out? “Honestly, you keep telling me I’m inside of Donghyuck, but I really don’t even understand anything. If I’m dead, why am I here?”

"When people die, good or bad, they go to a waiting place. Where they wait for their judgement and verdict on hell or heaven. In their waiting place, they're like spirits who wander the earth. With physical eyes you can't see them or feel them, but they can see and feel you. You're supposed to be there right now and your spirit is not supposed to be here. But Donghyuck has done the impossible, yet again." Mr Zhong's lips halt and he looks away from you.

“Yet again?” You question. “What does that even mean?”

“Tell me, when you were hit by that car, did you feel your spirit going…”

Thinking back, you recall how your soul felt like it was getting out of your body. “I actually did feel that.”

“That was your spirit already taking flight from the pain. So I don’t know how he did it but… your spirit was drawn to him before you could walk off to the ‘bright white light’. What do you remember?”

“Dying.” You answer honestly and sadly. “But nothing else. I woke up here thinking that I woke up in the hospital. What do you mean when you say he’s done this before? Is that why you’re here and look diff-”

“Stop asking questions, listen.” Mr Zhong wastes no time in allowing you to speak. “For now nobody seems to know that you’re here, let’s keep it like that. The best thing I can tell you now is that if we work together we’ll be able to get you out of here before it’s too late, and before everyone begins to notice. You see now, they aren’t even looking at you.”

“What kind of best news is that?” You furrow your brow. “And what do you mean-”

Mr Zhong groans out being annoyed. “What do you mean this- what do you mean that- you ask too many questions. Do you think you could listen for once in yourlife?”

“That’s because I’m trying to-”

“If I tell you that Donghyuck can’t move on and that’s why you’re here, will you be able to understand that?”

"He can't move on? I mean what do you expect… I just died." Although your tone is saddened, your questions are endless, but if it’s answers you want, then you’ll get them. One way or another, even if he’s being difficult. “Well at least tell me about this place and why you want me gone so bad?”

"You see, the people here are all Donghyuck's self-made conscious. They're all born with purpose. For example, everyone in this building is tasked to read or socialize over matters that Donghyuck wonders about. One of the popular discussions in his head is whether we have 1 butt or 2 butts-”

You laugh, remembering how you and Donghyuck would argue on end about the said subject. He'd bring up points you've never even thought about and it was always such a discussion with depth- rather then it being silly. You stop laughing seeing Mr Zhong just staring at you irritated.

"The place where you came out of- is like the neck of birth. All of the time, it's Donghyuck being born again with a new trait and that trait moves on to its assigned Member. Now the problem is, you haven’t been assigned, which ultimately makes you a lover. Someone that Donghyuck has kept because…” Mr Zhong stops himself before trying to find better words. “Because he doesn’t want to lose you. There are 3 types of Members here, namely: Mind, Body and Core." Mr Zhong sticks out 3 fingers. "Mind members are the ones who initiate thoughts and strategies, analyzing, thinking, making plans and short term memory or long. They are the ones who fuel this place up with ideas and ideologies, they make up half of Donghyuck's conscious. Typically, they're the ones who work all over. They monitor him as his spoken conscious, they monitor eyes and ears. You know the little thoughts in your head, or the feelings you suddenly feel when you're with a person, or that one voice you speak to in your head by yourself? That's the Mind members.”

You nod you head. “What department are we-”

“Well maybe if you stopped talking I’d be able to fill you in properly without jumping and skipping. His sharp tone has you leaning back and silencing yourself. “Body members are the desires and cravings of this place. Anything they desire or lust after, they fuel to the body. The mostly deal with his senses of touch and movements. Meaning for example, if Donghyuck started liking yoga, then there are yoga body members who are born and have the necessary knowledge on yoga. Naturally the Body members main station is down to the body below the neck, but from time to time the Organs and Nerves system will come up to build awareness for new things that Donghyuck's body has started liking. And then we have the Soul, but commonly known here as a Core members, this is my department. Considering you touched him, this is… your temporary placement."

“My-” His sudden sharp stare has you shutting your mouth discontinuing your question.

"Core members work in the Upper room, they control room whereby we're in charge of his purpose, his meaning to life, his intelligence, his personality… we incorporate together with the Body and Mind to create Donghyuck as a whole. While the Mind members are everywhere of his conscious, the core makes up 1 half, just as the body makes the other half. The one mostly in control is the Mind, second in charge is me, however other times the body is stubborn and refuses to be third, so it’s tug and war sometimes. Especially if what the body wants to do is stupid.” Mr Zhong explains.

“You talk as if the Mind, Core and Body have a spokesperson,”

“They all do. I hope you don’t get to meet them. Your task should be to get Donghyuck to move on.”

“Again with this.” You huff and look away.

Mr Zhong stares at your side profile. “Tell me something. You’ve been here for a week now-”

“A week? It hasn’t felt like a week, it feels like literally 1 whole day.”

“Time moves quick here.” Mr Zhong brushes off quick and continues in his speech. “And that should let you know that you’re losing your chances of a quick escape.”

“Okay. I understand that I’m dead. I kind of understand that Donghyuck doesn’t want to move on that’s why I’m here, but I don’t get your constant need for me to leave asap.”

“Because you’re different from everybody else here.” He states.

Staring back at him, you want to bite your tongue back but the words don’t stay in. “News flash you’re also here and you’re the only different looking guy.”

“And you think that’s nice? You think that it’s a good thing being here?” He questions sternly, his voice being so threatening. His anger is bright and clear in his eyes, but… something in his eyes evoke this… pain… hidden so deep. “Call me what you want, but I’m trying to help you. It may not look like it. But really I am.”

“You don’t even like me.” Your mouth let’s out again.

“No I don’t.” He admits. That makes you feel some way. “But Donghyuck loves you. The Mind, Haechan loves you, and Body Sun loves you too. Donghyuck as a whole loves you, more than anything in this world, he loves you. Heck he was even going to die because he didn’t want to live without you. Listen here Y/n, just because I don’t like you, doesn’t mean that I don’t want what’s best for you. And believe me, leaving is what’s best for you. Going to heaven… or hell, is best for you than being trapped in here. The longer you stay here, the harder it’ll be to let Donghyuck go. You’ll be like me.”

You want to ask what’s wrong with that, but the way he’s going on and on has you feeling that being like him is bad. Aside from his facial difference from all the other Donghyuck’s around, you do notice that he’s the only wearing black. Of course you see others in black clothes too- but he’s black has an eerie vibe to it. His hair black, eyes black, clothes black, even his complexion, against all the black makes him look incredibly angry… dark.

“Take what happened earlier tonight. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the Mind members are kind of lamenting and mourning your death, and by doing that they’ve given us temporary control of Donghyuck. We need to keep Donghyuck in check all the time now. While we were in control of his thoughts. His Body, just wanted to die, like I said he didn’t want to be third so he took control. Hence the room turning black. We lost Donghyuck to the control of his Body, and at times that can be the most dangerous of situations to be in. Basically, this period in Donghyuck’s life will be tough, because he has to let you go, so that you can be free." Mr Zhong slowly nods his head. He doesn’t know how you’re taking the news, but he’s trying to be honest with you, without letting you know too much.

“I don’t see what’s so bad about that.” You mumble looking away from him. Mr Zhong rolls his eyes. “For someone who’s also inside of Donghyuck, you really don’t embody anything that he likes. I bet you’re probably the one that takes over when Donghyuck and I argue.”

“I actually do. I think Donghyuck can do way better-” He shuts his mouth hearing you scoff angrily. “You’re scoffing? Didn’t you cheat on him?”

You suck in a sharp breath and look at him in astonishment. “That happened a long time ago.”

“Yep and it’s still the main reason why you and him argued.”

“I didn’t cheat on him. He caught me in a bad time with Jaemin.”

“Mhm. You’re dead now so it’s pointless. You’ll no longer argue about that.” He nods his head not convinced by your statement, at the same time puts you back in your place of death. "Thank you by the way.”

You’re still so high from the conversation, that you furrow your eyebrows when he suddenly says that thank you. “Thank you? What are you thanking me for?” You grumpily say and try to ignore the mini argument you had.

“You brought the Core out of the influence of the Body. I bet it wasn't easy, however you handled him well."

“This is crazy,” You blink your eyes to the stars above. “I just wanted to spend the rest of my night with Donghyuck, but now a week has passed, I’m supposedly dead—there’s just so much going on. And it all feels like a really long nightmare that I can’t stop. And you’re just so annoying and infuriating.” You shake your head and scoff. “I just wanted to touch him and hug him and just..."

“I get what you’re feeling, but complaining won’t do anything.” Mr Zhong, this time, gently interrupts causing you to huff in air and sulk. “Despite not liking you, I feel everything that he feels for you.” Mr Zhong turns his head in your direction. You're looking at the stars. He can only hope to get you out of here as soon as possible. “If you want this nightmare to stop. You need to get out of here and occupy your own spirit. Your spirit needs to go and rest in it’s rightful place.”

You ignore him and just look at the stars. Your mind blank. This can’t be real.

“I can’t risk the others seeing you, so I’ll need you to hide out in the Upper controls room, preferably in my room.” Mr Zhong gets up. “There’s a meeting I need to attend.”

“A meeting?”

“Yes, with all the other elements in Donghyuck. Our discussion is on the accident that happened. We need to head back so that I can make it in time and argue for you.”

“Can I come?”

“I just told that you need to lay low and hide out.” He grumbles. “So, no. You cannot come.”

Despite what Mr Zhong said, you find yourself with a mask over your face and large hoodie that you accidently stole from The Commune you were in. While Mr Zhong goes on leaving you in his room, you end up leaving and following some of the Core members into an auditorium like building. Where the meeting already seems to be in progression between:

Body, Mind and Core.

The names that Mr Zhong didn’t want you to know, you now know when associating yourself with the 3 members who stand at the center of the whole room. There’s ‘Sun’ (The Body), Mr Zhong (The Core) and Haechan (the Mind). One in all white (Sun), another in all grey (Haechan) and Mr Zhong in all black. The other two look a lot like Donghyuck and you can almost feel a connection to them both.

All of them are representatives. Sun and Mr Zhong report to Haechan. Haechan is in control of Donghyuck’s entirety. Sun and Mr Zhong work separately yet together to achieve the full personality of Donghyuck.

The Core’s representative is of course Mr Zhong. He stands on his own podium, looking to the rest of the present core, mind and body of members inside of Donghyuck. “The events of some night ago hit us all gravely. Donghyuck nearly drove himself to death. And that was because he was under the watchful eye of the Body members, while the Mind went into a crying cave. Donghyuck nearly tried to commit suicide. However, the Core was able to get Donghyuck back to his senses and allow him time to grieve. So, as this period in Donghyuck’s life seems to be one that is tragic, I suggest, we’ll give him a few days of grieving, before he can slowly return back to his habitual patterns and daily life. We wouldn’t want him to rashly commit suicide again.” It seems like a reasonable plan to get Donghyuck back in motion, yet the Body and Mind are opposing. “I suggest perhaps a period of 2 weeks, before we can allow him to move on-”

The Body’s representative, ‘Sun’, however has a loud mouth when speaking. “Firstly I apologize for my rash decisions. I know we were all overwhelmed and all just wanted to die. I shouldn’t have pushed that agenda. But, I don’t have to be the one to remind you and everyone else, that something happened that night. We felt the presence of Y/n. A ghostly hand belonging to her. A soft voice reminding us to carry on. She was there.” He states firmly. “Y/n was our everything. To have her there was a sign that we should… we should seek her.” That gets the crowd murmuring by that ghostly presence.

The one thing weird about being in Donghyuck’s mind, is adjusting to how everyone looks. While some only have ears and nothing else on their faces, others had Donghyuck’s full face, however they had unique looks, their own purposes and weren’t exactly like the Donghyuck you fell in love with. So, as you watch ‘Sun’ speak with so much passion towards you, your heart hurts… to think that you’d never be able to see Donghyuck the same way again is something that you find… weird. You’re inside of him and are surrounded with his traits and several personalities, but not one of them embodies all of those traits. While you can fall in love with his individual presences, you can’t fall in love with him as a whole anymore.

“I felt it too. And not just that night, but I… it sounds weird but I feel her here. I know she’s watching over us.” The Mind’s representative, Haechan speaks. It’s the first time he’s speaking. And instantly hearing his voice and seeing his facial expressions, you know that this… he’s the closest thing to Donghyuck. Why? The way he looks and reasons just highlights so much of Donghyuck.

It’s him. Heck… he’s even called Haechan. Your sunshine… “Hyuck,” you lowly call out.

Not expecting his ears to rise a little, his eyes turn to the side… he freezes on spot. You. The mere eye contact you make with him has both of your hearts beating rapidly fast. You can’t take your eyes off of him, you can’t stop looking at him. You swear that his emotions begin to enlighten… just as much as he seems much more attentive to you. You want to hide, just as Mr Zhong told you to do just in case someone saw you… but it’s so weird. You can’t look away from those eyes. The same eyes you fell in love with is now looking back at you. You watch as the tears fill his eyes… His lips tremble. “Y/n-”

“Haechan.” Mr Zhong calls quickly when noticing that Haechan staring into the distance. And of course a part of him is not surprised to see you there. Of course you’re here, you followed him. Idiot.

“Why else…” Haechan leans on the podium, his eyes flickering to yours once in a while. “Why else would she appear in the spiritual sense to save Donghyuck out of the blue? It’s crazy… but… I think she’s here.” While Mr Zhong’s eyes enlarge, the crowd at large gasps in astonishment. “Some nurses reported back to me that she was here… I don’t know what to make of it, but if she’s really here… then it’s a sign for us to keep her here,”

“No.” And that’s where Mr Zhong’s problem starts. While he’s the only different looking and only different person within Donghyuck’s head, everyone in here still respected him, however when it came to making decisions he was out numbered, by the number of little Haechan’s and Sun’s who’d all think the same. “Or maybe if she is here, it’s for no other purpose except to help Donghyuck to move on.” Mr Zhong tries to reason.

“I call bull on that shit.” Sun shakes his head. “Haechan is right. Something is happening. We as the body have been doing Yoga and we found out about all types of spirits and energies that can enter into a person when you call upon them. I think we should try that for Y/n.”

Mr Zhong shakes his head with disbelief. “What the actual hell did you just say? You want to summon her spirit?”

“Yes.” It comes as a surprise for Mr Zhong as well as you when everyone in the auditorium nods their heads and chants out ‘yes’!

“In fact I think if we do it right, we might even bring her back to life-”

“That doesn’t make sense!” Mr Zhong tries to cut out through the noise. Even his own core members were agreeing to this. “Do you guys realize that by doing this, you will ruin her spirit- and her chance to get true peace?” Mr Zhong stresses out, and that’s something that gets your attention. “She doesn’t belong here with him. She belongs wherever spirits go when they die.”

“If we’re all here why can’t she be here?” Sun enquires.

“She’s meant to be here. And if she already is here… maybe she’s scared… maybe she… maybe she wants to come out but she’s scared that we want to chase her way.” Haechan speaks again softly. Your head turns to the gloomy looking Haechan who’s so depressed when speaking and even when looking around. His eyes linger on yours again- and you feel all sorts of vulnerability. His eyes always had that affect. “I think it’s good if we’re gentle in this matter not to scare her.”

“No.” Mr Zhong’s voice breaks the peace everyone is in. Everyone in the crowd looks at him like he is going mad, they ignore him and slowly begin to chant:

‘Gentleness-’

Your head turns around to all the faces, ears, eyes, mouths, and generally everyone seems to be in agreement. Of course they are, they’re all Donghyuck. Sun takes center position and lifting his hands up. “I think it’s best to make a vow. That if we see her we should vow to never forget about her. To make her feel welcomed and that we don’t plan on letting her go. We vow to never move on without her-”

“No!” Mr Zhong bangs the podium yelling out. “For heaven’s sake! This is not a game. This is a gamble with someone’s spirit. Plus this isn’t something… something that everyone has agreed to.”

“I’m about sick and tired of you refusing to accept her.” Haechan equally raises his voice. “Maybe it’s you she’s afraid of. Maybe she feels unwelcomed by your energy. Cut it out! Can’t you see that we all miss her, can’t you feel just how near she is-”

Mr Zhong stands up in defending himself. “This isn’t something that everyone has agreed upon-”

“Can you hear them Mr Zhong?” Sun gives Mr Zhong such an attitude and holds his hand to the crowd causing them to let out an ear piercing scream. “They’ve spoken.”

“No they haven’t.” Mr Zhong solely fights for you. But yet, you can’t understand why he wants you gone so bad. Especially if Haechan and Sun are giving you a chance to stay. If you’re here, it surely means something… It’s what Haechan said. “This isn’t a democracy, this is someone’s life, spirit on the line. If you do this, there’s no going back. Haechan,” Mr Zhong looks to the Mind. “Right now, you’re just sad. You’re not thinking straight. If you allow this to happen, if you make this vow, you’ll be repeating a mistake. Should I be the one to take you to long term memory? Please. I’m begging you. I’m trying to prevent that. Please.”

Very subtly, the Mind, Haechan, looks to you and his heart quenches up. It really is you. There’s no denying it now. Your eyes are clear and he knows what you’re feeling… He’s just as confused of you being here… but how can this be? Is he dreaming? Normally, his colors where bright and bubbly and had a balance because he also looked after Donghyuck’s heart and everything else surrounding his energy. When the Core and Body found no agreement, he was the final decision to everything. The Mind is always the bridging gap between the Core and Body. However, as Haechan’s eyes are grey and brown, it only shows how much your death has affected him deeply, intensely… progressively that he doesn’t mind making a terrible decision.

“Please don’t be afraid to come out… I’m here.”

You blink your eyes a little, the tears slipping more before quietly getting up and leaving the auditorium. Haechan too follows your going figure. He wants to chase and follow after you- but Mr Zhong is in front of him. “I need to go.”

“No you don’t.” Mr Zhong stops him. “Please Haechan. The unconscious part of you knows better than anyone what bringing her soul here means. Or do you need me to go and find the memories for you so that you can see-”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I need to go to my room. Tomorrow is Friday. There’s a speech we need to prepare. Remember?”

[Friday, 10:45 a.m.]

Donghyuck isn't feeling too well as he leans on the wall of your once bright lively bedroom. His eyes are on the ground to a box of items that belonged to you. Your older brother Taeyong found it fit to give him some of the things you cherished. Donghyuck squats down and begins picking, moving his hand around the box looking for something particular- "There is it." Donghyuck pulls out a ring...

A promise ‘purity’ ring. This was on your body last, your finger before they removed it. Just looking at his makes his eyes water... How could you be gone? Just like that, how could you go? He sharply sucks in his breath when hearing the bedroom door open.

"Hey," It's Taeyong. "We're about to start."

"Cool." Donghyuck wipes his eyes. "I'll be down."

Giving him a moment to pull himself together, Taeyong walks out your old room first and then goes down the steps. This house once used to be a home filled with so much love and care. But it only took your parents dying, also in a car accident, to break the foundation of the family. Taeyong, Mark and you were siblings who loved each other so much and dearly, yet once your parents died something shifted in all of you. There was a lack of connections or understanding between you all. While it was evident that Taeyong tried to bring his siblings back together and become the man of the house, he couldn't find himself being strong for both you and Mark. While you and Mark confided in each other and got closer, Taeyong drifted further apart from the both of you as he made sure that you both went to good schools, colleges and even found good work. Under Taeyong's guidance, Taeyong managed to afford a student accommodation for Mark because Mark got a scholarship in a top university. Just like Mark, you also achieved good marks and got a bursary were they paid your full tuition as well as housing fees. Happy to have sent you and Mark to good schools, Taeyong was able to look after the house and move out, leaving it as a treasured piece of their family. Their parents were buried in the backyard and he only saw it fit to keep it as a memory house, as a personal cemetery for their family.

However, upon your passing, Taeyong sits outside with tears in his eyes. He never wanted you to die, he still wanted to send you off into a good marriage with a good man, he wanted to see you give birth to many children and be happy, because even though he failed to get closer to you he still loved you as his little sister. But now you're gone and can only look at your coffin that's in the middle of the backyard.

Mark is seated on one of the chairs alongside a few of the distant family relatives and your friends. He hates the feelings he's feeling. But there's nothing for him to do except stare down on the ground while some of your friends play a lovely song on their violins to slowly start the ceremony. The instrumental is so good that it takes him down the memory lane he had with you. He remembers the last time he spoke to you, you were jubilant and excited as ever for getting a job in a nice office of a company that you had admired for long. Credit Insurance Company. He recalls how joyful you were and how everything you spoke about was almost like reminiscing on your life... It's like you knew that you were gonna die. Because Mark can still remember your last words. 'Goodbye Markie. Hopefully the next time we see each other I'll be covered in all white, head to toe full of riches.' You only meant it as a joke of how rich you were going to be, but now it's the last thing he'll ever remember from you.

Donghyuck sits next to Mark absorbing the somber feeling and nonchalant feeling. It doesn’t help that the violin fuels into the pain he’s feeling in his soul.

Taeyong gets on the grass setup of an alter with flowers and pictures of you, while your coffin is stacked next to your pictures. "Thank you for that beautiful symphony. It was a masterpiece. This was my sister’s favorite song. She loved music, specifically the instrumentals because, she could always hear the unsaid words that were said. She always connected to instrumentals. I bought her... her first ipod and the first song she had on it, Near to thee my God. A song that was played at our parents’ funeral. I hope… that right now.." Taeyong gulps down the lump on his throat and looks at your body. "That she’s near to them…”

Taeyong shakes his head.

“Thank you all for joining us, in this ceremony. It's not fair that we’re here in memorial of my little sister. We should’ve been here to celebrate, but we’re here in remembrance. Gone so young, gone too soon. Life, another shit show. It's not fair that she's meeting mum and dad in heaven. It's not fair that she's left us behind. It's not even fair that we're here in honor of her death. It’s just unfair. Even though I'm her brother, her brother who barely spoke to her, I loved her so much. In times when I thought of her, I remembered the small things. The arguments we'd have about how much she hated cheese burger but loved cheese and she'd always nag that tomato is a vegetable, but it was a fruit. Her random topics being too… She was so dumb, but yet so intelligent." Taeyong finds himself bitterly chuckling and sniffing. "She always lit up the room, always had something to say. Whenever she’d step in, you’d know that she was there. Even if we hardly spoke to each other, she always made me happy with her presence. I think Mark can agree with me that she was the pride and dearest of our family. The best gift I've ever gotten was having a baby sister who I could look after and make sure that she kept smiling no matter what. I love you Y/n. Where ever you are, I love you, and I wish I told you that more."

Mr Zhong standing right next to your coffin watches you as you're seated on the floor looking up to your brother with so much admiration. It's true you never spoke a lot, but it's also true that you loved him so much. You always wanted to make him proud and not make him disappointed for sending you off to school- he gave up on school so that you and Mark could make it far. He had lots of self-hate because he thinks he drifted far from you, but he didn't even know that he was the center of your pride. You stand up and move closer to him and focus when you wrap your arms around him-

Mr Zhong watches the effect of the hug and what it does to Taeyong. Right on the spot Taeyong bursts out crying, only irking you to cry more as you whisper how much you love him and never hated him, and how much you looked up to him. You thank him and give him a kiss on the cheek. Taeyong can feel this presence like a warm blanket coming over him. He moves to his seat not being able to handle the overwhelming warmth coating him and little whispers of your voice saying you love him too.

Next up, Mark gets on the pulpit a little wobbly. It only takes one look at your coffin for him to begin crying and releasing all the tears he tried to hide. He doesn't know why he can't stop himself from crying, but Mr Zhong watches how your crying has an effect on Mark. You hold him tightly while he cries and you cry so much.

Taeyong gets up and moves forward to his brother, giving him a firm hug and never letting Mark go, Mark shakes his head in denial and can't even make out words when feeling so much sadness come over him. You join in on the hug that your brothers have, and from the side Mr Zhong has a somber face. He hated funerals. He hated them with a passion. But it was a law, a mind law that even when you die, you have to be present at your funeral to see the people who love you one last time before you'd get all ties with them. So while his eyes get watery by your tears and your brothers tears, he has no choice but to keep standing by your coffin with your body in a white dress. He sighs when Taeyong and Mark move over to sit down. A friend comes to speak, says short tearful words about how she knew you were her real friend. A distant family member speaks of your enthusiastic behavior, another group of friends play an instrumental in tribute to your love for a specific movie, and then next on stage is Donghyuck.

The one you’ve been waiting for. The reason why your life began to make sense after your parents’ death. The one who said love and you knew what it meant, took you out of that broken place you had placed yourself in, kissed you and you knew who you were. When you were lost, you simply looked into his eyes and you knew who you were because he was there. He has always been there for you. You feel like you’ve betrayed him, because you left. You left him all alone.

Donghyuck’s hands shaking uncontrollably pull out a white piece of paper that he wrote on the days you died. He tries to keep his cool but just seeing two of your brothers break down as well as everyone who you had a close bond with, only has him shaking and trying not to fall apart too. "In loving memory of my girlfriend. Maybe I’ll start by saying I’ll never regret loving you. But I must say, I wish things turned out the way we wanted it to be. I would never know what love was until you brought me the definition. You were there in the right time and place and time, you saw and you opened my eyes to a whole new world. That’s why I’m unprepared to let you go. You mean everything to me. I am not prepared to see you like this… in this coffin. We had plans, a bucket list to cross of. Growing old together, getting married, having kids, getting to open up each other more. Maybe along the way we would’ve gotten tired of each other, but in all the years I’ve been with you, even after arguments, I’ve never gotten tired of you. I love you. But now, I see you in white, inside a box with all our broken promises. I’m not ready to let you go. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to move on. I want to acknowledge all the feelings you made me feel, I never want to let you go. I am glad that I opened my doors for you because you gave me a lot of reasons to continue living even though I was hurting. Remember when I was on the verge of giving up on life and … you saved me? Just like always you came to my rescue like a shining armor. It was surreal. You told me to live. But how am I supposed to live when you’re not here anymore. Please if you can, show me a sign again. Show me that you are near. Y/n, I prayed for you to come back. I need you to be back here with me, with your brothers and friends. But… I know it’s impossible. Because the cold hands of death snatched you away from this cruel earth. This earth doesn’t deserve you, but why did you leave me? Don’t I deserve you?”

Donghyuck gulps when his tears block his vision.

“Since you passed away, life hasn't been the same. If I could, I would move to heaven just to be with you. I would turn back time to have you here on earth with me again. The time we spent together meant the world to me, your laughter and your precious smile always made my heart beat- even when we fought. It always took 3 minutes to make everything alright again. We always came back to each other even though we’d drift apart. I remember those times because it made me feel that whatever I’d do, or what you’d do could never break us apart because we always knew the way back to each other, to try and fix it. " Donghyuck shivers and grunts lowly when his eyes get blurry. "No one will ever know, what it's like to lose someone who’s saved them countless of times from destruction. I miss you... I want to move on, but I can't. I can't move on when you're not here. I won't find another one because you'll always be in my heart. Maybe I will, but I don’t want to. I only want you. I’ve only wished it to be you."

Mr Zhong shakes his head when hearing Donghyuck declare the words that would be your entire existence.

“No one will ever know what it’s like to lose the love of your life just when things were only getting to the best parts. Because I was there when that cruel car drove into you and took your breath away, Y/n, it didn’t have to end that way, you still had so much life. But if it’s this way, please just come back to us and let us say goodbye properly. I’m sorry for this to be the end of our love story… but I know you’re not gone. You’re still here. Inside of your brothers, of your friends, of family, you’re also inside of me.” Donghyuck sniffs. While Mr Zhong is in the corner disliking the words that Donghyuck is confessing, you’re on the ground holding tightly onto his torso.

Mr Zhong sits through your funeral, watching your friends from school an internship place speak such wonderful words about you. He watches how your body is sunk into the ground, everyone being a crying mess… you really had an impact on people. He watches family bid their last good byes, he watches your brother and Donghyuck spend a few more minutes around the spot they buried you. He watches how they’re the first ones to throw a shovel of dirt onto your coffin. Everything feels too real for you, but you’re in a mass crying hysteria as everything unfolds. This is not at all how you imagined your life to end, so to see this all happening is unreal. Mr Zhong watches as the people begin to pack up, how your brothers don’t move from your spot- Mr Zhong watches it all. His own eyes glistening with tears. Day turns to afternoon, and afternoon turns to night…

The last person remaining in the burial sight is Donghyuck. Taeyong and Mark are in the house preparing some food. Donghyuck is seated on the ground watching the place where they buried you. The next day they’d continue to place the rest of the burial ‘ornaments’. For now he can only look at the soil that has covered up the grave and coffin. His mind is blank of emotions.

Meanwhile you’re next to him laying your head on his shoulder. It takes you focusing all of your might into just holding him, but once you get the grip you never let him go. Donghyuck can feel it… he feels a strange sense of comfort by the warmth over his arm. He doesn’t try to move afraid that it might go away… instead he uses this moment to speak to you.

Mr Zhong knows that inside of Donghyuck, it’s Haechan who is in control right now. “Y/n… are you… are you here?”

“Yes I am,” But he can’t hear you. Just the wind blowing.

“I miss you,” He carries on but stops himself when the tears come rushing out again and he’s crying so much. Your own eyes are already puffed up from crying heavily after hearing all your family and friends lament on your death. Mr Zhong disappeared a while ago leaving you alone on the surface with Donghyuck. So to hear him cry, you know that inside Haechan is crying whole heartedly. Literally.

In a shift, a blink of an eye you see Donghyuck get up. “Hyuck,” You call him. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”

You can’t hear it, but for some reason you know that he’s having internal conflicts again… as he paces back and forth and trembles and his eyes literally look like they’re thinking. It’s all because you were inside of him, you know how everyone is operating there. He makes a rash decision when he suddenly and swiftly punches himself in the face! He falls on the ground and you gasp- what was that. You move to his side trying your hardest to do something from the outside. If Mr Zhong is doing something in there to prevent another ‘Donghyuck shut down’ then perhaps you can you also do something out here. So with all your concentration, you place your hands over his shoulder and you stare at his face that’s in anguish and distress.

“Hey, Hyuck,” You lowly say… Donghyuck’s ears aren’t prepared to hear the spiritual world, but he does hear your voice. Instantly that has him frozen. You keep looking into his eyes hoping he can just stay focused on you- but his eyes shift around- an indication that he can’t see you, but he did hear you… “Please calm down,” you try hard to let him hear the words… and… surprisingly he crosses his legs and nods his head.

“Okay,”

You breathe out, having him back for a bit. You stay with him, this time wrapping your arms around him as you straddle his waist. Hopefully he can feel that… he can.

“Hey Donghyuck, supper’s ready,” Donghyuck doesn’t want to snap out of the daze he was in when hearing your voice and sorta feeling this embrace around him. But as Taeyong calls he sighs out when instantly everything he was feeling, vanishes away. He gets up and heads into the warmly lit home with Taeyong and Mark and takes a seat with the brothers and eats…

You take a seat on the table simply watching them eat. Your heart mourns and aches to be this close to them. “It’s time to go back.” Your head snaps to the side where you see Mr Zhong standing by the corner of the kitchen as if he’s in the shadows. “We have to go back.”

“Can’t you just wait for a few minutes?”

“No I can’t. It’s urgent we move now.”

“How do you expect me to go when my brothers and boyfriend are still wounded?” You question not budging.

“For once in your goddamn life can you just stop asking questions and follow me.” Mr Zhong, frustrated, grumbles. “Come on.”

“Do you guys… feel it?” This is Mark who asks. Both you and Mr Zhong freeze and turn to him, wanting to hear what he’ll say. “Do you feel how empty it is in the house without her?”

Taeyong nods his head and so does Donghyuck. Meanwhile Mr Zhong stomps to the table and grabs your hand. “Let’s go-”

“Let me go!” You yell trying to force yourself away from him!

“Did anyone else hear that?” Donghyuck questions, but this time Mr Zhong doesn’t stop until he’s pulling you off the table and into his personal elevator.

“Gosh! Why do you have to be so infuriatingly frustrating!” You yell out spinning around grabbing your hair. The anger soon turns to tears watching the lift close and your brothers and boyfriend disappearing from your view. “I just want to be with my family. I just want to be with them.”

Your crying doesn’t phase Mr Zhong nor does it stop even when the doors open back into the room of the core members. Mr Zhong picks you up and drags you to your room… well… his room. It’s dark in here. Like a punishment. You can see nothing but pure darkness. It’s an abyss and you’re afraid of it. Mr Zhong leaves you there for 5 whole minutes. That’s how long it takes you to stop crying and begin to fear the dark. Thank goodness he comes back, the little light emitted from the door way makes you immediately stand up. However he crosses his arms.

“Because I can’t trust you out there I’m going to leave you in here-”

“What?”

“And the next step we, we as Donghyuck’s core, will try to get him to move on, because this already looks like an unhealthy way to deal with losing someone.”

“You can’t do that-”

“I can.”

“No you can’t-”

“Watch me.” Mr Zhong voices aloud. “You’re not supposed to be here, the faster he moves on then the better. If you can’t help us with that, then we’re doing this without you. Stop leading Donghyuck on.” Are Mr Zhong’s final words to you.

You’re a little too late to react when he shuts the door and you’re swarmed with internal darkness all over again. You leap off the bed and run to the door trying to unlock it and shake it- to no avail it doesn’t budge. It starts off with you yelling for him to let you out! Before it turns to you banging out the door! You begin to get paranoid yelling and banging! Minutes turn to hours very quick and you’re met with no response. You don’t know how long you remain in the same position before paranoia turns to tears and you’re now wailing in the dark room. And then, like a good cry always does, you fall asleep.

Donghyuck finishes eating and thanks Taeyong and Mark for the meal, before he heads on home. Without his car, he opts for transport services. However, selecting what address to put, he contemplates between the club (Sun’s doing), the park to clear his head (Mr Zhong’s doing) and home (Haechan’s doing). While inside of him they quickly try to verify what action to take, it’s decided upon going to the park. That way, they can try to have another meeting on Donghyuck’s next turning point- instead of simply just rushing in to anything and everything.

Looking at the time, it’s past 8 pm and the little twinkling lights shine blending in with the aesthetics of the park. There seems to be a self-made concert of a guy with what looks like an electric guitar. Donghyuck simply walks by to hear the words that captured his attention:

‘I can’t go back now, nothings the same. But I won’t forget how you called my name? So will you remember me? Will you remember the way that I was? Will you remember me? Will you remember the way that you felt when you were next to me? Will you remember? Do you remember?’

Donghyuck finds himself taking a seat on the grass along with the other singles/couples scattered on the grass as they listen to the guy sing with his slightly raspy voice. The guy goes on to singing a few more songs, before he opens up his eyes that had been closed since Donghyuck came. “Thank you,” That gets the little crowd gathered to applaud for him. Donghyuck is surprised how instantly when the guy gets up, there aren’t girls swarming him with how good his vocals were- he’s just in shock how the guy gets up and begins walking away. Taking his chance, Donghyuck follows him. This being Sun’s doing, as he’s also been interested in singing and would love to hear this guy’s inspiration and would also like to thank the guy. “Hey, man, dude,”

That gets the strangers attention as he turns around curiously, to see if they were calling him. And upon seeing Donghyuck he smiles gently. “Oh hey,”

“What? Aren’t you going to wait for tips after your show?”

The guy’s smile turns a bit shy as he scratches the back of his neck. “Nah, I don’t really do this for the money. But if you’ve got some tips, I’d gladly take them,”

“I’d feel awkward handing you money in cash, it’d kinda send a suspicious message,”

“I get you,” The guy chuckles. “My name’s Jeno, I don’t usually get ‘fans’ running up to me, so I assume you don’t know who I am. What’s your name?”

“What an introduction,” Donghyuck tries to stay upbeat and positive even though his smile is tired. “Well, I’m Donghyuck, some call me Haechan or Sun,”

“You must be a ray of sunshine then,” Jeno enlightens.

“Me? Nah, I’d say your voice was the sunshine in my dark world,” Donghyuck admits… a bit weakly.

Jeno sees the sadness that passes through Donghyuck’s eyes. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were flirting with me,”

“Not really,” Donghyuck gulps looking down, trying to control the sudden knock of tears. He exhales and tightly smiles looking up. “I actually buried my girlfriend today. Hearing you sing just brought me to a place. Uhm, yeah,” Deep. Is all that Jeno can think as he listens to Donghyuck. “I guess I just wanted to acknowledge you for that,”

“I guess music really does have a way to connect people together,” Jeno smiles sadly too. “Even though she’s my ex now, I can’t imagine ever losing her to death. My condolences.”

“No biggie,” Donghyuck shrugs it off, clearing his throat. “Thanks for that,”

“I may not know your girlfriend, but I bet you loved her,” Donghyuck can only swallow back tears giving a brief smile. Jeno pats Donghyuck’s shoulder. “I was actually headed to one of my pal’s get together, wanna tag along? Might help you to relieve some stress,”

Donghyuck finds himself chuckling a little. “Not even gonna call this pal to make sure it’s okay?”

“The more the merrier,” Jeno smiles nudging his head forward as a sign that they should get going. Donghyuck doesn’t mind following along with Jeno. Throughout the walk Jeno talks about his ex girlfriend and how she cheated on him, and he was really depressed and as a way to de-stress himself, music came to him and allowed him to free himself. Donghyuck listens and wonders to himself if he’ll ever move on-

No.

He hears in his head. It’s not even an option. Why should he let you go especially knowing that there’s no one who will ever make him feel the same way as you? Why should he let go when he won’t find another like you? Why should he let go when he’s promised and dedicated his life to you? Why should he let go when you were his everything? How do people who break up begin to let go so easily? Is it because they were never in love- or because they found another? Donghyuck shakes his head, there’s no point in moving on especially if he didn’t get any closure.

It's very clear to Mr Zhong that Haechan and Sun are more in control of Donghyuck’s eagerness to not letting you. It’s clear that he might have to prepare himself in seeing you everyday. And that’s not an option he likes. So finally when Jeno and Donghyuck arrive to the ‘pals’ house- Mr Zhong actually gets thrilled when seeing the familiar face of Jaemin.

Y/n’s quote on quote fling.

The house is big, there are a bunch of guys and girls not exotically all over each other, but in a friendly state of a gathering. Donghyuck over hears something from Jeno as he comments that it’s a birthday of another friend- but Donghyuck could care less, especially when Jaemin also catches Donghyuck’s eyes.

Both have a deep stare down and instantly Mr Zhong takes front and center and immediately activates anger. Donghyuck’s lips twist in anger just as Jeno picks up on the tense atmosphere. He holds onto Donghyuck’s chest and with an arm around his shoulder he forces the ladder out of Jaemin’s equally engraved bitter eyes and to the kitchen.

“Am I missing something? Do you know Jaemin-”

“F-”

“She died because of you.”

Jeno’s ears are sharp when he turns to Jaemin who sucks in a breath after following them. Donghyuck turns around his eye twitching. “I beg your pardon? What did you say?”

“You heard me.” The teary red eyes of anger stare back into Donghyuck’s eyes as Jaemin balls his fist. For a very long time his thought about this encounter. Ever since hearing about your death over social media when one of your brothers posted that- Jaemin could only think of the last conversation you had with him. “You killed her.”

Donghyuck pounces but Jeno stands between the two hastily. “Yho yho Jaemin calm yourself, it’s Renjun’s birthday and he doesn’t want any of this.”

Jaemin is far from hearing that as he stares into Donghyuck’s eyes infuriated eyes. And Donghyuck isn’t even in the room anymore as his full focus is on Jaemin. “I buried my girlfriend today. Don’t forget that, she wasn’t your girlfriend, she was my girlfrien-”

“Cut that bullshit. She’s dead now all because of you. And you know what, she didn’t have to die- but you-” Jaemin stresses looking pain stricken. “You. It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t called her out that night she would’ve still been alive- matter of fact if you just gave her that space instead of always suffocating her then maybe- just maybe would she still be-”

“Excuse me? What the hell are you on ab-”

“God you’re so full of yourself.” Jaemin tries to step forward but Jeno’s hand stops him. “I loved her and she loved me. Do you honestly think- no do you really believe that she was happy in that claustrophobic relationship you provided her? Are you shitting me? You gas lighted her-

“Jaemin-”

“You filled her head with shit. Kept hurting her, manipulating her thoughts to think that she needed you at all times. You’re so controlling that you didn’t even realize that she was getting sick of you-”

“Listen here dude you know nothing about our relationship-”

“Oh but I know plenty pal,” Jaemin cries stuffling his anger. “You think you were good for her? Shit, you were draining and knowing now how possessive you are over her- I can just imagine the loniless she endured while being with you. Do you know she called me when you’d sleep? Or do you even know how much she cried to me? Do you even know where her heart lied truly? No. Because you continuously put her down. Continuously limited her. You didn’t know that girl like I did. You did not know her. She couldn’t even get out- always waiting for you and whatever you’d say.” Jaemin sniffs in blinking the tears away. “You selfish bastard, you kept her all for yourself and still have the nerve to claim her after death-”

Donghyuck has always been considered as a weak fighter- yet when he lands a punch right against Jaemin’s jaw! No one sees it coming, and that fuels Donghyuck to pounce on Jaemin and rattle him with each of his fists while his eyes wreak havoc in tears. By now there’s a crowd formed, howls of urgency just as Jeno and a bunch of other guys hold onto Jaemin and Donghyuck separating them. In the end- Donghyuck points a deadly finger at Jaemin who’s on the floor panting out in rage. “You know nothing about us. I loved her more than anything and I know for a fact that she loved me too. You weren’t even present at her funeral so what fucking say do you have over her life- If anything you were annoying- you still are annoying. Don’t you ever, EVER, speak of her again. You filthy piece of shit.”

Donghyuck passes by the flabbergasted faces of guys and leaves the house. After a heavy and teary walk where he constantly talks out loud blaming Y/n for dying. His feet find him in a 24/7 store as he buys liquor. He chugs it down shaking his head at the overwhelming thoughts pouring in his head from meeting Jaemin. This is the first time he’s confront Jaemin. Mr Zhong is glad that he can ‘pollute’ Donghyuck’s mind to the point where Sun and Haechan are both grieved and trying to believe that really Y/n is innocent. But it’s hard to believe that, especially since all that quote on quote crap came from Jaemin.

Y/n’s fling.

This all started a year ago when your relationship with Donghyuck began getting a little rocky. You became distant, and within the time of you being away from him, you met Jaemin. At this point only heaven knows what you’ve told Jaemin. Because ever since you patched things up with Donghyuck- Donghyuck began seeing a lot more of Jaemin around you. Seems like Jaemin had caught feelings. Donghyuck would note how you’d try to hide Jaemin away- but Jaemin was very vocal about how he felt towards you. Hell knows what you’ve done privately with Jaemin, but even the little thought of it makes Donghyuck boil. Because now you’re gone. Now you’re dead and all the answers he wants to get, he can’t get them because you’re a whole spiritual platform away from him. “How could you do this to me!? Was I really suffocating you? Then why’d you stay with me all this time? What was the point of us getting back together if your heart lied with him? What the hell was he talking about? Y/n! Why? Why? This isn’t fair.”

Getting home, slurring his words and mumbling curses to you and Jaemin’s abomination relationship. He enters his dark room.

You’re awakened when hearing a cry. By now darkness becomes your second vision when you open your eyes and still find yourself in the same dark place. But yet.. you still hear a cry. It’s Donghyuck’s cry. Why is he crying?

Feeling sad and sorrow filling you up, you think of how to get out of the room, and how to get to Donghyuck in order to help him out. You don’t like hearing him cry. Why is he crying? Meanwhile Mr Zhong on the other side of the door is with the others as they formulate a ‘Moving On Strategy’, but he doesn’t know that as you’re on the other side, miraculously you think of something…

If Mr Zhong could do it, then so can you. He mentioned something about the cyber dream being part of Donghyuck’s thoughts… imagination… So without any delay, you try your hardest and begin building in your head. You construct something that you’ve seen him use to teleport you places. That elevator…

You’re already in the elevator when you open your eyes again. Just think. Think. Where do you want to go? The elevator begins to go up high and you have to keep your self-balanced against the side when it gets rigid and shakes a little too strongly. Steady. Steady. You remind yourself while picturing Donghyuck’s room. Taking in a deep breath you allow yourself to focus and concentrate on getting the elevator to Donghyuck. Actually you don’t know why you suddenly thought of Donghyuck’s room… but it seems like the crying if from there.

The first thing you hear when the elevator door opens up is sniffing. Despite the time being 18h26 pm, his blinds shut out any light- creating a pitch back room- only being lit up by his phone’s brightness light. The room is similar to the way it was when you were in the Organs and Nerves center. You step out the elevator and carefully tread on the carpeted grounds of Donghyuck’s room. If you still had a pulse, a heartbeat, you’d be able to feel your emotions going all over the place. As soon as you see him, his disheveled appearance slouched and face so stiff in sadness, you get a headache from how stupid you’d been to have died.

Why did you have to die? Why? You were his everything… You were his, and now that he’s gone you just feel this cold atmosphere around him. Getting in front of him you bend down, holding onto his knee- only for you to nearly fall as you pass through him. You can smell that he’s drunk. You can smell that alcohol. Great. You can’t help the little squeak that leaves you, the little squeak of frustration as your head lightly throbs that you can’t touch him. Watching him in the face, and how he doesn’t even react to you is just another slap in the face that you’re… no longer living. Looking at his somber face you feel your throat clog up.

“Hyuck,” you blink when seeing he’s looking at your picture on his phone. “I’m sorry for leaving you,” You try to hold his face, but the way your ghostly hue flows past him has you just kneeling in front of him in pure and pitiful sadness. “Hyuck,”

Your sweet voice drowning in the silence as your eyes take him in.

Your arms keep passing him but right now you feel so close to him in the sense that you’re actually here with him. You can’t just be here and he doesn’t acknowledge you. You want him to acknowledge you…

You want him to feel you…

You just want him to look you in the eye and not be sad. You can’t stand this. You can’t stand being in him when outside he’s hurting. You don’t want him to hurt anymore.

Concentrating with everything in you, you brace yourself to touch him again. This time you tell yourself that you will. If you did it before at the hospital. “Feel me…” You can do it again. “Please,” Your fingers get a grip on his face… just a tingle and he instantly reacts.

Gasping out loud and looking around, you smile a little more as the rest of your fingers slide past his face until your whole hand is against the side of his face. “Hyuck…”

“Y/n?” You’re happy that he calls out your name, only except he doesn’t look at you or acknowledge your presence. He’s probably just having a reflex again. That doesn’t stop you from sliding your arm over his leg as you get back taking a seat next to him.

“I’m here,” You tilt your head to the side, willing yourself to wrap your arms around his torso. “I feel you Hyuck,”

His reaction to your touch is subtle as he stiffens and quietly breathes out. Can he feel it? Can he feel you?

“Can you feel me?” You whisper looking up to his face. “Look at me babe,”

He let’s out your name again from his lips sniffing. His eyes an ocean of red veins with tears dripping out. “Are you… Are you here with me right now?”

“Yes,” you nod your head a smile breaking out of your lips. “I never left you,” You place your hand over his chest rubbing it. Surely he can feel it because he places his own hand over his heart and bites his trembling lip. “I’m here,”

“I miss you so much,” He cries and shuts his eyes. He can’t hear you, but he can feel you. “I miss you so much…”

“I’m here,” You whisper out sniffing.

“No you’re not here… Jaemin was right,” He cries, and you hesitate a bit when hearing the foreign name. “I should’ve never came to see you, maybe you’d still be alive, maybe you’d-”

“It’s not your fault,” You mummer sadly listening to him blame himself. You gulp and shake your head rubbing his back. “Hyuck please stop, it was never your fault.” But he continues to speak… it’s when you understand that although he can feel you he actually can’t hear you.

“I wish I was there when you took your last breath. You took your last breath to a bunch of strangers and I wasn’t even there to… be with you.” He sniffs, hiccupping. He unpleasantly leans on his knees trying to control himself and his tears. “Were you scared? Taking your last breath, were you scared to cross over to the other side… you were alone. So alone. And that fucker blames me for suffocating you. Is that how you felt? Is that how you really felt? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Is it better that side? Is it better wherever you are?” He runs his hand over his hair. “Are you really here with me? Can’t I… follow you?”

“No.” You get on your knees and assuredly hug his knees. “Hyuck please don’t talk like this. It hurts me to see you like this. It hurts without you. It hurts not being able to live,”

“Are you… really here?”

“I am baby,” You grip him tighter. Even though he can’t hear you, you’re just filled with joy by his presence. “And I don’t plan on leaving you, so please, please Hyuck,” just stop talking nonsense.”

“You’re all worn out Donghyuck,” he faintly chuckles to himself. “You’re even hearing her voice,”

Your ears perk as he speaks. Kneeling down but facing him, you touch his face. Caressing him. “I’m in you Hyuck. I’m here,”

He scoffs. “Was that crap Jaemin was talking about true?”

“What?”

“Did I really suffocate you? Did I hurt you? Did you always call on Jaemin when I slept- was he the one you hid from me? Why didn’t you tell me anything- why didn’t you just fucking break up with me, if I was always on your case- why are you here? Why aren’t you with him? I hate that you’re gone. I hate that you left when you could’ve been alive. This is all my fault.” Donghyuck drunkenly sinks on his bed crying out. You’re just confused about everything he busted out. What was going on in the surface? Did he meet Jaemin or something? Did he really speak to Jaemin? What was Jaemin even saying- the anticipation killing you.

His eyes open up… his pupils slightly enlarge. Your eyes go all over his face and you can only wonder what he can see. He sits up on the bed still looking shocked. And this time his eyes don’t budge from yours. “Hyuck?”

His lips part and he freezes. “Y/n?” He carefully calls your name. “Is this real?” He sucks in a sharp breath. “You’re really… hey…” His eyes water up and he gently smiles.

“Hey,” You bite your lip feeling teary eyed.

“Y/n? Babe? Am I hallucinating-”

“That’s enough.” Like a shadow emerging from the darkness- a hand grips tightly onto your arm yanking you back into the shadows.

“Stop!” Of course it’s Mr Zhong. In his black suit, he gives you no time of his attention as he just drags you. You grip and try to pull away but his durability is great compared to your weak state. “Hey!”

You’re thrown on the floor of the elevator- his elevator and the doors close. Getting up you’re cross faced towards Mr Zhong however, your eyes take in the scenery of Donghyuck standing up on his feet in his dark room. He’s stationed in place with his arms lightly out. He pulls his curtain open and looks around his room. Your heart aches when you watch him bury his head in his hands before getting down on the ground shivering and another unruly cry escapes his already raspy throat.

“Have you lost your mind?” You now yell at Mr Zhong being furious. “Have you lost-”

“No the real question is, have you lost your damn freaking mind?! Why only now when we’re trying to get him to move on past you? Why are you here? Do you not understand how dangerous it is for you to be up here? What is wrong with you? Do you actually know how much risk you put yourself in when you continue to engage with Donghyuck this way-”

“I don’t care! I don’t give a damn because I’m just as broken! I’m just as sad as he is. That’s my boyfriend. I died and left him alone-”

“So why are you here!” He infuriatingly lets out, not minding that it actually hurt your feelings. “Why are you here? You should be dead!”

“I’m here because he needs me!” Holding back your tears you push him back when he gets too close. “He clearly needs me and you’re stopping me. You can’t stop me-”

“He doesn’t need you! What could he possibly do with you if you’re dead? Be depressed? Be sick? Die and follow you to the grave? Exactly. You have no place here. And that’s why you need to leave now. When you leave you’ll give him room to move on. Your presence here is holding him back-”

“I don’t want to leave him! He’s mine and I am his!” You stand your ground against him who’s just making you feel all sorts of anger. “I love him! I just want to be with him!”

His cheek pops out as he shakes his head folding his arms. “Well too bad. You just earned yourself a week in the cellar. If you do not want to cooperate with me then I’ll get you out of here by myself.”

“What is wrong with you? Why can’t I just-” The elevator door opens up and he’s back to grabbing you not paying mind to a word you say. You try to tell him to stop but he’s not letting you go. He drags you all the way to his room and tosses you inside, locking the door behind him, leaving you alone in his dark room. You huff and puff bang the door. But he doesn’t come back for you. Leaving you all alone.

Donghyuck returns back to work, melancholy and quiet. A few people from work greet him and pat his back just as others wish him well and pass their condolences. He sighs when nothing eventful happens throughout the day. He ends up going back home with the lingering thought of what occurred last night. Not the fight between him and Jaemin… but how he saw you. Or at least he wants to believe that he saw you. But he was drunk… there’s no way.

Another day passes, uneventful with him going home and sleeping. Another day passes and he feels so very alone and cries the whole day before getting up to go to work. He visits your grave, but nonetheless, he is troubled deeply. Mr Zhong inside is satisfied that everything is going according to plan. A few more days of melancholy will bring Donghyuck to slowly move on from you. And it so happens that when Donghyuck visits the grave again, he sees Taeyong.

“Oh,” Taeyong acknowledges Donghyuck. “How are you Donghyuck?”

“Hanging in there,”

“Yeah,” Making small talk with each other, they spend a good amount of time reminiscing on you that Donghyuck finally decides to open up something. “I… I’ve seen her a few times.” He meekly lets out while looking at your tombstone. “I’ve seen her a few times... even felt her. It’s like… she’s still here,”

Taeyong doesn’t respond immediately. He lets the words process before he can speak. “That night… after burying her, when we were eating… I felt her presence. It was like she was in the room with us. I don’t know what to make of it, but… If you feel her, then it should be a good sign. Maybe she’s looking after us before she… goes. Lucky you,”

It's sitting in the darkness of the room for several days and nights that has you feeling angry. You know what you have to do. You have to get back to Donghyuck. This guy (Mr Zhong) can’t keep trapping you down here.

If you can concentrate really hard then you might be able to get out of here. If you concentrate to the extreme you’ll be able to see him again. Only except everything in this room is dark and just so hard to see anything appear. You feel all kinds of annoyance gnawing upon you. But you hold yourself steady trying to think of an elevator again- or any means of escape. “Please let me just go to wherever Donghyuck is.” It’s only when you hear a pop(!) do you rapidly open your eyes when hearing the wind. Instead of a room, you’re actually outside. But it doesn’t appear to be the real world, instead it’s it really looks like the dreamscape city, only that it’s filled with clouds and buildings of all shapes and sizes are on the clouds. You turn your head back and forth hoping to see someone but you don’t. “Hello?” You logically call out.

“Yes?”

Snapping back and forth to find the source that is heard everywhere you look up to the pale orange bright sky. “Uhm, hi? Where are you?”

“Everywhere,” He clears out your thoughts. “Welcome to Dream Land, where every night we provide Donghyuck with a dream.”

Dreams… You can work with that. “So, what can I do if I want to be a part of Donghyuck’s dreams?” The silence follows for a few minutes, before you ask something else, not knowing if it’s ignoring you or what. “Can I be a part of Donghyuck’s dream?”

“Log in a file with Dream Corp and we’ll process it before Donghyuck arrives.”

“And where can I find that?” You furrow your brows. “And what do you mean before Donghyuck arrives?”

“Jump off.”

“What?”

This time the silence is everlasting. “I guess I’m jumping off.”

But just as you’re about to jump off- you take notice of you see him…. You see Donghyuck. You can’t believe your eyes, but you begin running towards him on the bumpy clouds. He walks to the edge just as your almost close to him and when he jumps you gasp but also jump after him. Thankfully your body clashes into his- and you grip him tight in a hug not letting him go. The wind blows and tugs on your body making you feel dizzy and sick but you hold on tight to Donghyuck. “Hyuck?” It doesn’t look like he realizes, but you see that his eyes are shut. Checking to see where you’re falling- you see the sky slowly turning dark before all of a sudden-

You’re thrusted straight onto a heavy ground. It doesn’t hurt like you expect it too- Donghyuck gets up still with his eyes closed and begins walking. There’s no time to adjust to your scenery or rather the pure blue sky with green grass blowing gently with 5 doors present for Donghyuck.

“Who’s in control?” You hear the skies asking.

“Sun.” A drowsy Donghyuck speaks.

“What door will you go through today?” The skies ask again. “We’ve got a quiet room, a nightmare seems to be brewing, a message from the angels and oh- Dream land informs me that Y/n has followed you.”

“In which… room will she be in?” You hear Donghyuck ask. As you walk forward to see his face, he doesn’t seem to be looking at you. Suddenly a thought comes inside of you to pick a door, where you’d like to speak with him.

Standing by a door, you hear the sky hum out. “She’s in room number 3. But beware, she didn’t pick an unoccupied dreamscape, she picked the dreamscape with the angels, so beware of Angels voices.

Donghyuck without hesitation follows to the room. You look at Donghyuck who opens up the door and you follow him.

“Where the hell is she?” As a nightly routine Mr Zhong enters your room to check up on you. Not seeing you on the bed he groans and walks in moving everywhere until he can determine that you’re not inside. Using his elevator he goes up to the surface and doesn’t see you in Donghyuck’s room. He comes back inside and furrows. He tries to sense for your presence but you’re nowhere around- he’ll be damned if he asks anyone if they’ve seen you. So he decides to go through some territories. The first is Sun.

Entering into the body territory he’s surprised to see what’s on the screen… is that… You?

“Sun what’s going on here?”

“We’re scheduled to be in Dreamland today, but you won’t believe who we encountered.” Sun speaks just as everyone looks too excited that they leap with joy around the body center. Mr Zhong shakes his head as he draws closer to the screen monitor- the monitor which reflects what Donghyuck can see in the Dream World.

You and him are talking… having a conversation. “What are they talking about?”

“We’re still in shock. We’ve been holding her here in place because his alarm clock is gonna ring in 10 minutes, we called Haechan over. He’s coming soon. It’s a shame he decided to make Donghyuck sleep at freaking 4 am in the morning, knowing very well that we need Donghyuck to rest up. The angels tried taking her away. What do you think this means?”

Mr Zhong curses. He can’t get you out of Dream Land by force, because he has no access there. How on earth did you get there? This is getting dangerous. If Haechan comes then-

“I came as quick as I heard the news. Where is she?”

“There.”

“Could it be? Is… is it really her?” He whimpers as he gets close to the screen. “Can I talk to her?”

“Yes, here.” Sun hands over the control to Haechan.

You watch Donghyuck’s head dip for a moment. “Hyuck? Hyuck? Is everything alright?” Sitting on the white blanket over the high grass, you just spent your time listening to the… angel… a huge white cloud covered in mist…. All the Angel did was stretch it’s hand towards you, repeating the phrase ‘Come home.’ You were so tempted to go… not knowing where, but Donghyuck held you back. The angel… kept saying ‘Come home’. And even now as Donghyuck holds onto his head, you wonder if he’s switching personalities from Sun to someone else… you hope it’s not Mr Zhong. So when he comes to a start you call: “Haechan?”

“How did you know it’s me? You still look so beautiful, my baby,” His teary eyes open and you smile holding onto his cheek. He holds onto your hand and kisses the inside of your palm. “You’re really here, I miss you so much, these past few days have been drowsy and lonely without you.”

“I don’t know how long I have until the dream is over, but I need your help Haechan,” You draw closer to him. “I know it’s going to be hard to believe, but ever since I’ve died… I’ve been here with you. Inside of your conscious…”

“You’ve been here? My conscious? That’s impossible.”

“Yes, every day I’ve been here. Close to you, hearing everything you’ve been doing. I fear that something is happening, they’re trying to make you forget me.” You nod your head trying to come clean. “I’ve been with a guy called Mr Zhong, and he keeps wanting me to get out of here. He’s in the Core-”

“Wait wait wait what?” He backs up- “You had her all this time?” By now you know he’s not talking to you but someone else… in his head, as he looks to the side looking confused. “What do you mean she’s lying? Then who the hell am I speaking to? She said-”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

You’re jolted to the side and suddenly… You’re back in the dark room. “What?” You get off the bed and wonder what happened? You run to the door- almost falling over when it opens instantly. Mr Zhong.

“I could strangle you to death right now.” He huffs and fumes. Holding his hand out, you watch on object appear. “I’m bounding you in chains. Because I can’t trust you.” You’re surprised when he holds onto your hand and chains you to the bed. You plead in shock trying to pull away. He gets tape and places it over your lips. You watch him walk out the room before a pit of darkness is formed. Muffling your cries you can’t believe that this is happening again. How long will he trap you in here? It’s not fair.

The next day Donghyuck awakes from a confused dream, he remembers seeing you and hearing you. He saw you wanted to go to the light but he held you back pleading you to stay with him. He goes to work, it’s a FrIday so the day drags as he’s got no plans.

Meanwhile inside of him, there’s a full on search for you.

Sun begin to ‘take the wheel’ and run Donghyuck’s body, simply because Mr Zhong is in a meeting with Haechan. Thus, leaving Donghyuck to be run by Sun. Who is active tonight.

Donghyuck finds himself in a bar. Dimmed lights, bass so low, alcohol and pool tables being the only source of entertainment for the few loitering people inside the bar on the casual Friday night. Donghyuck is obviously here for the alcohol to drink and just forget... and slowly pass into tomorrow. He doesn’t want to wake up. If anything he wishes to dream about you again. He doesn’t want to feel anything. He just wants to be numb and drink… It’s what the Body wants anyway. The pain of crying for your death is too much… they just want to be numb.

“Hey,”

Donghyuck looks up to the bartender… It’s Jisung. Unlike the other days when Jisung’s face is upbeat and ready for a conversation, he looks down casted, and Donghyuck can guess why. “Hi.” He greets back lowly clearing his throat that sounded so clogged and choked from crying. “Can I get a row of shots.”

Jisung nods his head.

“Regular or-”

“No.” Donghyuck shakes his head. “I want something strong. Really, really strong.”

“Coming right up.” He’s tempted to go, but after hearing the news and seeing all over his social media about your death, he sticks around. “Sorry about your loss man,” He pipes up. He’d recall how you and Donghyuck used to be tight. You guys would often come to the bar to celebrate together… in a quiet space, laughing and giggling, getting tipsy and touching each other till you’d both go home and do just what he can imagine. You were a pleasure in Jisung’s low key bar. He enjoyed seeing a young couple be together for a long time and staying consistent to their ‘Friday night bar night’. Not only did he know he’d get money on that day, but he also knew you’d grace him with compliments about how fine he looks especially when you wanted to make your boyfriend a bit jealous. But now seeing Donghyuck here all on his own, looking like shit is a representation of how he must feel inside.

“It’s cool.” Donghyuck quickly discards. You were friendlier with Jisung then Donghyuck was. “Can I just have my shots?”

But Jisung is in a caring mood tonight and opts for a conversation instead. “You know, I lost a friend of mine once, and I realized that drinking my pain away wouldn’t do much, so I-”

‘Why the fuck is he not giving me my drinks?’ Sun complains looking at the screen of Donghyuck’s eyes. ‘Ask him again.’

Donghyuck interrupts Jisung. “Look man, tonight’s just not one of those nights. I just want to drink.”

“Truth be told, you actually look like you need a chat. And all I’m saying is that I’m all ears-”

“Thanks for the offer, I’ll take it into consideration.” Donghyuck tightly smiles with no emotions in his eyes. “But may I please just have my drinks.”

Jisung takes the hint when seeing Donghyuck’s cold gaze. “Ayt, but just so you know-”

Banging the table furious and abruptly standing up Donghyuck grabs Jisung by the collars staring at him deadly in the eye. “I just want a fucking drink.” Grating his teeth, Donghyuck tosses Jisung back, leaving the poor guy startled by what just happened.

“Alright shit. I’ll get you your damn drinks.” Jisung stares shocked and eyes still in a daze. “Just calm the fuck down before you get beat the fuck up.” Jisung turns around still with an upset gaze as he fixes up the drinks.

“You know what,” Donghyuck doesn’t finish his sentence as he gets up and heads out. You weren’t here anymore it would be pointless to carry on the tradition without you. He’s just gonna go to the club.

“Come with me.” Is the first thing Mr Zhong says when opening up the door. He unchains you just by opening up the palm of his hand.

“Where?”

He ignores you and carries on walking. Trying to show him that you’re angry is pointless as he doesn’t even pay mind to your face. He steps in the elevator and you’re next to him before the doors close and suddenly you’re in a dimly lit place.

“I must warn you.” Mr Zhong speaks as he steps out. “The Mind’s layout isn’t as civil as the upper Core or Cyber Dream.” Mr Zhong places his hand on the handle of a door that reads ‘MIND’ and grips it tightly. “Stay by me at all times. And please, do not touch anything. That’s a warning.”

“I won’t.” You grumpily say, as realization dawns on you that you’re going to the Mind. Walking behind Mr Zhong at all times, you tremble with every step, as the floors shake. “Why’s the floor shaking so much?” You question and stand still when you feel another heavy tremor.

Mr Zhong sighs. “That’s not the Mind for sure, the Body is partying or something.”

“Partying?” You go on. “You could’ve just used your elevator.”

“Unfortunately here I can’t use much of my power, because this isn’t my domain or territory.” Mr Zhong fills you in. “When we’re in the Upper part of Donghyuck’s body, I’m in control. But from the neck downwards, this is the Body and Mind’s layers.”

Still following behind Mr Zhong, you take in all the aspects of the Mind, which is a literal bloody sight. The walls are hollow red with veins gauging out from time to time and blood being spilled before a few ‘workers’ in red… just with empty faces quickly come and clean up. Everywhere is red, veiny and just so flesh like. The deeper you go, the darker it gets. Maroon and smelling like his natural scent. Right now you feel so close to him even though you can’t see him. There’s a door that says ‘heart’ and you furrow your brows.

“Are we going in there?”

“You’re about to head into Donghyuck’s heart. Literally.” Mr Zhong is about to speak, but the space and area around gets darker then usual, not even the maroon bloody lights can light up the way to the door. “We have to hurry, the Body is doing things that I hate again.”

“Such as?”

“Drinking. I don’t know if you recall but Donghyuck once exposed to alcohol, large portions of it, he does crazy things.” You get a flash of Donghyuck drinking and you recall just how wild he was. Mr Zhong mumbles finally getting to the door. “A damn alcoholic.”

Just from opening up the door, you feel this deflated downing energy, everything is lifeless and your ears are exposed to weeping. You swear that’s one of the common sounds you’ve been hearing from Donghyuck. He’s just been a crying mess. Instantly you feel emotional and your eyes water up as well. Why’d you have to leave him all alone? The room is still dark but every once in a while it flashes a little maroon and then you’re able to take in the view. Just like the upper Core room, it’s spacious but instead of multiple little Donghyuck’s running around, there’s only one person seated behind a desk looking at screens. When you look at the screen you see dimed videos of your face, your lips, your laugh and how the specific moments shown on the screen remind you of special times you’ve had with Donghyuck.

Whether it’s holding hands and just looking up to him with innocent eyes. Or your muted talking as you smile at him. Haechan, The Mind seems to be watching it all.

There’s one where you’ve just won the scrabble competition (in which you represented your university) and you jump up high cheering on as the crowd around and your teammates also join in on the celebration. You can see Donghyuck from his eyes point of view running towards you yelling out in pure ecstasy and joy! Once he gets to you, he lifts you up so high that you begin laughing, and when he brings you back down, your lips and his merge and he holds you so tight. You recall how the week before you were so stressed that you deprived him of any kisses, of any attention just so that you could study and prepare for the competition. So to watch it again, brings a memory to your head of how thrilled Donghyuck was on your behalf.

Another video that plays on the screen in how you’re sitting on his lap as he plays video games. You’re on your phone texting your friend while he’s immersed into the game and talking to his friends over the microphone. It was just calm and simple, and then out of nowhere he kissed your cheek. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I know,” You smiled at him placing a kiss over his lips. “I love you too,”

One video captures your attention the most. It’s just your face as you’re sleeping. The room is a bit dark, but from Donghyuck’s eyes he can see you. He leans close and kisses your forehead. You hum out with a little chuckle.

“Babe just sleep,”

“I can’t,” he whispers, and you can tell he’s smiling. You can’t remember this at all, but just watching how pure everything looks as he draws closer to you and wraps his arms around you. Moaning and continuously pampering your face with kisses. “This is the first time you’re sleeping here in my room, and I’m just realizing how perfect you are for me,”

“Hyuck, sleep,” You giggle. “You’re pussy drunk,” you mumble but still accept his kisses on your face.

You can hear him laughing… “You were so good tonight,” he whispers. You smile to yourself, in faint remembrance, it’s the first time you made love to him. You were flattered the entire night, and he was submissively dominant with you and at the end, he couldn’t stop admiring and praising you. “I can’t believe how good you were,”

There’s a long pause of silence. “My parents would’ve killed you,”

“Why?”

“We had sex before marriage,” you mutter out. Donghyuck looks down to how your arms wrap around him and you get closer to his body. “I don’t think they’d approve,”

Donghyuck is silent for a really long time before he finally speaks. “The purpose of marriage, to my understanding as you’ve said before, is for emotional commitment. We’ve been together for like 4 years now. If we weren’t in love at that moment, then it was just going to be sex. But right now, tell me what you feel? Was it just sex?”

Donghyuck looks down to you as you look up to him with a little smile. You shake your head. “It wasn’t just sex because I felt safe. As in, I wasn’t scared to give you my whole body, my whole mind… my everything. I’m not scared or anything, because I know that you’re my lover, and I will always be there for you. The same way you’ll be there for me, right?” Your eyes look so hopeful.

“You have no idea how much, I just want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Donghyuck smiles kissing your lips as you kiss his again.

“I feel like I don’t want this night to end,” You lay your head on his chest and Donghyuck’s fingers play with your back and your head.

“Same here,” he mumbles. “So let’s make it official,”

That gets you to turn your head and rest your chin on his chest. “What are you saying Hyuck?” You laugh a little. “That was just so sudden,”

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he giggles, running his hand over your hair and down your face. “I’m saying we make it official. Courtship. Let’s just spend the rest of these months seeing what marriage would be like, and if you like, I’ll buy you a ring,”

You squint your eyes at him with a playful smile. “Dude, are you serious?” You laugh. “Is this like a proposal or something?”

“I mean, I can’t get on my knee now and propose can I?”

“Donghyuck,” You can’t stop smiling as you watch him get up. You too get up as you wrap the blanket over your boobs. Donghyuck sits up and reaches down into his pants. Your eyes enlarge when he gets out a ring. Thankfully, as you remember, it’s his own ring. “For a second there, I thought that was a real ring.”

“But then again, wouldn’t you want me to propose in a grand dramatic way?” He chuckles as he holds his hand out. You place yours on his hand and he kisses it looking at you. “Here’s my ring, this will be my commitment to you.”

“So much for a purity ring,” You giggle as you watch him place the ring on your index finger.

“It can still be a purity ring,” He pats your chin. “Just with a different meaning. We’ll wait again,”

“Hyuck this is huge,” You whisper, blushing and looking at the ring. “I don’t know if I’m saying yes because I’m dick drunk, or if I really want to,”

“That’s why I said, we’ll wait,” He lays back down, just as you follow him. You’re just giggling as you lay your head on his chest.

“Hyuck you’re crazy, right now you’re just crazy,” You’re laughing as you look up to him. “I’m just as crazy,”

“Crazy people get divorced even after promising each other that they wouldn’t.” Donghyuck says. “I don’t plan on making a commitment I can’t keep. Especially when it involves you babe,”

“Same here,” You whisper out. “I guess, till death do us apart,”

“Never,” Donghyuck shakes his head. “My love for you goes beyond that. Even in the next life, if there is one. I just want to keep loving you… and only you. No one else. I’d probably not be able to move on,”

Mr Zhong hears that, and he can remember that the Upper Core wasn’t in control that night, neither was the Body. The one in control was the Mind, Haechan. Mr Zhong reminiscences just how he was that night when Donghyuck was mindlessly pouring out his heart. Mr Zhong knew that his friend loved you so much, but hearing this confession, these were the Mind’s thoughts. He never knew it ran this deep. He thought it was just a physical attraction to you. That the Body, Sun, loved your body and was finally happy to have sex with someone. Mr Zhong didn’t know that the one in control of these recurring feelings was the Mind. It just explains how precious you are to Donghyuck as a whole. It also just goes to show how far Haechan was willing to go if he gave you a ‘purity’ ring. Mr Zhong turns to you, and you’re a crying mess. You’re crying silently and he can only guess that Haechan too is crying silently while watching this. He sighs. He already got in so much trouble for hiding you. There was no way now that Haechan would release you.

Your voice catches Haechan and he instantly presses pause on the video snapping his head back. Of course his teary eyes are red from mourning you, but when he sees you and Mr Zhong, his posture immediately straightens and he tries to act cool. “You’re here.” He clears his throat. “I was just…”

“Haechan.” Mr Zhong moves forwar-

“Were you really going to marry me?” You ask.

Haechan’s eye instantly go over to you. Your face still so real and beautiful. He nods his head. His voice coming out lowly, afraid that you’ll be taken away just like all the other times. This time he takes in your presence and beauty… you’re here. “I wanted to, I still do,” he tilts his head to the side as you get swamped in his eyes. “You’re just as beautiful,”

Your heart swells with such pain, and you gulp looking down. “Mr Zhong,” You turn to Mr Zhong, pleadingly. Mr Zhong can tell where it’s going, and he doesn’t want you to go there in that direction so he looks away from you and continues talking to the Mind.

“Haechan.” He calls, bringing Haechan’s eyes away from you and to him. “Right now we’re in a dilem-”

The ground shakes tremendously and Mr Zhong holds onto the chair just as Haechan keeps his hands on the desk. You meanwhile sway with the violent shake. It happened again.

Mr Zhong sighs. “Haechan, you know how reckless Sun is when he’s in control. Please. I came here to just talk to you about Y/n and how you have to let her go.”

“Straight to the point.” Haechan scoffs and looks away. “After hiding her away from us you just want to bring her back and then take her away again. You’re so full of shit.”

“You know what will happen if she stays here longer. I know it’s hard to-” Mr Zhong quivers when another tremor erupts. Shit. Donghyuck is probably in a club or something, drinking badly and the body is allowing him to do whatever.

“You know what Mr Zhong. I’m not in a mood to talk to you.” Haechan starts and presses some buttons on the keyboard trying to see what’s going on out there. Unlike when the core loses control to the body, the mind can actually gain control back. But when seeing where Donghyuck is, Haechan shakes his head. In a club. With several bodies jumping and bumping into him. And to make it worse, Donghyuck is tipsy. How much did he drink? “You said we should have 2 weeks of grieving. I can grant you that. But I can’t let go of Y/n,”

“Haech-”

“Bro she’s here.” Haechan turns around snapping. “She’s literally here.” His voice pipes down. “She’s not just some imagination like I thought she was. I thought I was going crazy, but man, she’s here. Do you know I felt when Donghyuck was about to die when going down that mountain in speed… and then I saw and heard her voice? Do you know how shitty I felt when Jaemin accused me of killing her? Do you have any idea how worthless I’ve been feeling these past days just seeing myself in the mirror? But the mere thought of her… Mr Zhong… just thinking of her, I’d feel whole again. That night when I first felt her hand I didn’t know what to believe. But then I saw her. I stopped Donghyuck from ending it, because of her. I thought she was just a... a figment of his imagination. But she’s not. She’s real. She’s here. I just want to be here with her,”

“You’re gonna regret it.” Mr Zhong whispers out of your ear shot and he gets closer to Haechan. “Do you want her to become like me?”

That seems to get Haechan upset as he pushes on Mr Zhong’s chest. You can only wonder what’s happening as you see the anger cross over Haechan’s eyes. “She won’t become like you.”

“How sure are you?” Mr Zhong clinches his jaw. His eyes deadly and even a bit tearful. “How sure are you that she won’t be st-”

“Because I love her!” Haechan yells out. “And times are different. She’s here for a reason. And that’s what I’ll keep my mind to.”

“Haechan yo-” Another tremor causes Mr Zhong to screech out in annoyance. He needed to get out of here and try and gain control of Donghyuck again to get him out of the bar and go home… but now, he’s just really upset that Haechan doesn’t want to consider his thoughts. “Fuck. I can’t stand this. I already told you that this isn’t up for discussion. I’m doing everyone here a favor. Afer 2 weeks. I’ll make her leave. Let’s go.”

“Can I just stay here for little bit Mr Zhong,” You ask gently still looking at Haechan. When he looks at you too, simultaneously you can feel like there’s a literal connection.

“No you can’t stay here.”

“But-”

“I said let’s go.”

“Come to think of it.” Haechan speaks up with his eyes turning to a glare when looking at Mr Zhong. “You defiled me by going behind my back and assigning her to the Core. Who made you in charge of her?”

Mr Zhong sighs. “It’s the fact that I knew that if you knew, or rather if anyone else in this place knew that she was alive in, that you wouldn’t let her go. I was protecting her. From this.”

“You don’t have to protect her anymore. She’s got her own conscious. Her own mind.”

“Let’s go.” Mr Zhong turns his back and walks to the door not wanting to argue about this.

Your heart is beating fast, but when Haechan’s soft gaze turns to you, as if telling to do what you must, you feel safe being with him. “No.”

“No?” Mr Zhong turns around in stun and surprise. He stomps to you, but you’re quickly pulled back just as Haechan gets in front of you. “Haechan get out of my face.”

“She said no.” Haechan’s low voice is nothing to mess with as he sounds threatening. “Last I checked. You’re in my territory. You’ve got no power here. So leave. Before I make you.”

“Haechan.”

“Mr Zhong.” Haechan calls firmly. You peek from behind Haechan, and Haechan can feel just how your tiny fingers gently come up on his sides. He misses this. He misses this feeling. “I said leave.”

Mr Zhong clinches his jaw. He strides out with so much anger in him. When the door closes, there’s another tremor that makes itself known. But you hold tighter onto Haechan as his hands stretch out behind you making sure you’re steady.

Haechan’s fingers over you, and yours on his sides makes you feel good.

Even though you’ve always been around the others who look like Donghyuck, being alone right now with Haechan feels equivalent to being with Donghyuck. You just want to see his face. You want to feel him. To just…

“I just want you to be alive,” Haechan steals the words from your lips, as he whispers it to you. Still not being able to look at your face. He’s finally alone with you, but it feels so sacred.

“But I’m here,” you mutter and peek your head on his shoulder looking into his eyes. “It’s you that’s not here,”

“I am though,” That gets him to slowly turn around and longingly tilt his head down. “I’m the realist thing to Donghyuck. His spirit,” Haechan’s eyes that were clear are now glassy. You’re so real… He can’t believe you’re here. “But Mr Zhong is right,” He sniffs surprisingly himself when saying that. It feels good to have you this real in front of him. “You can’t stay here,” But he doesn’t want to ruin things.

“Why?” You shake your head, your arms still being around him as your eyes search all over his own. “Why can’t I be here with you, isn’t this better than actually being dead?”

“Is it,” He runs his hands down your face. “It fucking is.”

Once Mr Zhong gets to the Upper core room, he’s stunned when looking at the screen and seeing Donghyuck making out with some random woman... “You’ve gotta be shitting me. What the hell is the Body doing?”

But also down at the Body, Sun is surprised by the sudden kiss that Donghyuck gives to a random lady. Of course the lady is confused at first but then she gives into the kiss and has her arms around him. “That’s not us. Who’s in control right now?”

Haechan picks you up by your waist, as you wrap your legs around him. “I just want you so bad right now,”

“Have me all you want,” You’re breathless when kissing Haechan back equally as hard and longingly.

All the way in the control centers, Sun tries to stop the action of Donghyuck getting down on a girl. Mr Zhong watches as Donghyuck is hooked to the girl he’s making out with- it’s getting pretty strong as instantly Donghyuck’s hormones act as an edge for him to feel needy and lustful. And thus, the Core’s lights slowly begin to shut down… allowing the body to have full control of the erotic moment.

“We’re supposed to be grieving, what the hell.” Mr Zhong walks away, not wanting to feel any part of these emotions.

Sun in the Body center feels the heat just from the simple kiss turning to French, but he too wonders who’s in control of the heavy, needy, lustfully intention. He watches as the familiar lights turn dim showing that the body is not in control. Although he watches, he’s quite upset that it’s not Y/n that Donghyuck is kissing.

However for Haechan who’s full on hands with you, doesn’t notice the bright light shining within the mind, showing that he’s now in full control.

Donghyuck has no time to think, he’s thoughts are clouded by the steamy make out session that he has with the lady. They move from the dance floors to the public toilet, barely even walking straight and moving in a tipsy needy way to one of the stalls, Donghyuck’s morals are forsaken when he takes the girl in a seemingly loving passionate way. As he’s drunk it’s difficult for him to control or focus, but one thing he knows is that for some reason in this moment… he feels closer to you. You’re here with him. He can strongly feel that. Even though the little part in his core knows it’s not you, he still feels your strong presence.

Haechan places you on a table in another section of his own control center, your lips not leaving his once just as he unfastens his band and pulls down his pants till his waist. You pull your skirt up and remove your underwear, Haechan gently places his tip in between your wet folds before breaking the kiss and taking a peek at you. Your cheeks are a shade pink and you nervously smile. “Do you trust me?”

“Always,” Your heart beat syncs again as he keeps his grip on your waist, with his other hand on his member as it strokes over your wet folds. It’s the fact that he was your first and you’ve only done it once with him, but you still feel so cautious and nervous. Being here with him in... inside of Donghyuck, you still feel so much love and passion oozing out of him, and all the emotions are washed into you. When he pushes more into you, you arch your back and hold him closer.

“Hyuck,”

Donghyuck hears the soft whimper in his head, he hears your soft yelp and it only causes him to pull the random girl closer to him. His lips find hers, envisioning it as ‘yours’- but even though he envisions it – he still feels strongly close to you. Haechan takes control allowing you to feel much more comfortable as he moves a bit quicker. Donghyuck feels so much pleasure as he pounds harder and faster making love to you- even though he’s with a random person.

Even when he locks eyes with her all he can see in his head is you. He can hear you, he can feel you. He doesn’t know how, but feeling so close to you in this moment allows him to hold you close. Mr Zhong tries to block out the protruding thoughts that Donghyuck thinks over and over again. The moaning, the love making-

His eyes slowly enlarge… “The body is not in control right now… because Donghyuck’s drunk… that means… Haechan’s having sex with Y/n.” Mr Zhong cuss when realizing that disobeyed him and that you’re probably touching Haechan right now. “What’s wrong with this girl?” He gets up from his chair quickly using his elevator to go down to The Mind. Once the elevator door opens up, he speed walks along the long bloody corridor trying to reach to Haechan’s center quickly.

The random girl’s legs grip Donghyuck’s waist closer to her as he pounds harder and faster, getting sloppier each time she squirts. He’s weak, he can feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure. His eyes are tightly shut kissing the girl’s face off. But then-

All of a sudden he feels like he’s getting slapped. A sharp slap gets him falling out of the girl and on the floor.

“Oh- are you okay?” The girl asks slightly frustrated that she was close before pulled out suddenly, heavily panting, her legs shaking begging for more. She uses her own fingers to finish off closing her eyes angling her head upwards.

Donghyuck however is still in a trance. Did someone just slap him? He blinks several times to get rid of being dizzy, but all he can see is his stiffly hard cock popping. He gets up holding onto the sink. He tries to calm himself off. It’s strange how suddenly, he’s no longer in the mood to get off. Stuffing his stiff manhood back in his drawer and getting his pants up, he looks up at the mirror- ignoring the girl who’s finishing off by herself. In the mirror he sees himself.

Tired. Drained.

He calls your name silently when thinking back to what he saw and heard in his head. It’s like you where there with him. He could feel you, literally feel you. Woozily moving to the side, he watches the girl squeal out before another stream of cum leaves her throbbing pink pussy. It doesn’t turn him on, it only makes him feel sad, especially when the girl’s face is revealed. Its not you. He steps back, finding himself out of the toilet and eventually drunkenly passing by the crowd trying to get himself to go out.

The fast pace emotions and mind wondering what’s going on inside of him- he stops once he’s outside the club and hurls out on the ground. Some passers pull gross faces moving away from him, the bouncer of the club groans and grabs a handful of Donghyuck’s shirt before violently tossing him further away from the club doors. Donghyuck hits his head and suddenly he’s out of conscious.

“Hyuck,”

“Mh?”

“Hyuck wake up,”

“Hm?”

Donghyuck’s head is buzzing when hearing something… your voice. He jolts up instantly when pairing it to your voice, but… you’re nowhere in sight. Left and right he turns his head before wincing and holding onto his stomach. He notices that he’s somehow by your family old home, by the graveyard… wait… how did he get here?

Minutes before….

“No!” Mr Zhong grabs your hand forcing you out of Haechan’s grip. “No more!”

“Why the hell do you want me gone so bad!” You screech pulling your hand violently away from him just as he shuts the door to lock Haechan away and his elevator comes. “Why can’t I just be happy with Donghyuck-”

“Look around! This isn’t the fucking real world anymore.” Mr Zhong motions around when suddenly the elevator reaches the Upper Core room. Of course some core members are surprised when seeing you, but now, even though Donghyuck/Sun is drunk, it’s no secret that you’ve been inside of him for a long time. “You’re trapped here! The longer you fool around here, the harder it’ll be for you to get out-”

“And what if I don’t want to go out! What if I want to be here, inside of him!” Your eyes water up. “What if I don’t want to go- he buried my body ready to leave me behind… what if I’m afraid of leaving him, of leaving everything behind- of just… of just dying.” Weakly your legs give out as you fall to the ground when he tosses you in his dark room.

He’s about to close the door on you but you shed some tears saying something that has him frozen in spot. “I don’t want to go Mr Zhong. I don’t want to leave everything behind. I’m not ready to die. I don’t want to leave Donghyuck. I love him. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to die. I just want to love him… I just want him. I want my life back… I want him so much.”

Mr Zhong watches you on the floor balling your eyes out. The realization coming again that you’re dead and that really you have left the world. Silently he takes a seat on the ground allowing you your moment to grieve. He knows it’s hard. He knows what you’re feeling. He knows it all. He understands your tears and pain, it’s why he tries to cool himself down to speak to you more calmly.

“I’m going to tell you a little story.” He speaks in a whispering tone. “And if this doesn’t change your mind, I promise you I’ll stop trying to get you out of here.” He gulps. “If this story doesn’t change your mind, you’ll be stuck in here… with me. Like me. You’ll have Donghyuck, but it’s not as luxurious as it seems.”

You quietly exhale listening to him as that gets your attention. You look at him seated across from you. Even though darkness is second nature, you can still see him. And by his words, you already prepare yourself to stay with Donghyuck… Haechan and Sun, because there is nothing that he will say that will make you want to leave. You just can’t wait to stay with Haechan.

“Donghyuck was only 9 years old when this happened. He met a boy. An 8 year old boy. A foreign exchange student who moved from China to Korea. Donghyuck and the boy instantly clicked despite the language barrier. They clicked in such a way that the young boy’s parents were relieved that their son had made a friend. Donghyuck taught the boy how to speak and was just of much help to the young boy whenever. The boy’s parents loved Donghyuck. So it was only natural that Donghyuck and the young boy ended up becoming best friends who did everything together.”

Your ears are attentive when listening to this story. You’re hooked, not because of the young 9 year old Donghyuck, but because of how Mr Zhong speaks. This is almost the first time he’s looking vulnerable.

“One day they were walking home for school… and came across a junkyard. Curiously they snuck inside the forbidden territory and began exploring. They discovered so many new things and even took some souvenirs.” Mr Zhong chuckles faintly. “The young boy suggested playing a game before they left. Hide and seek. They played that game back and forth in the junkyard,” Mr Zhong’s face slowly scrunches in confusion. “They played 4 games before it was Donghyuck’s turn again. Donghyuck…”

You look up when Mr Zhong stops speaking. You’re surprised to see him with one hand tightly over his mouth as his own eyes are glistening and look moist. You don’t speak, watching him stay quiet. He regains composure again and removes his hand from his face.

“The young boy hid in a freezer. It was broken of course, so he felt safe getting inside of it. In his hiding position from time to time he would open the top and peek his head out. He laughed when he could see Donghyuck getting confused… it’s through the little laughs and giggles that Donghyuck spotted him. He was busted… but then… Something happened.” Mr Zhong licks his dry lips as he stares into the void. “The young boy watched Donghyuck getting approached by some guy in uniform. The guy said something that made Donghyuck nervously turn and began heading in the direction of the exit. For some reason Donghyuck left. The young boy was too afraid to step out of the freezer just in case the man would yell and shout. He waited for a really long time. Because now there wasn’t just one man, but they were many men walking around the junkyard. The boy was getting scared. He just thought that if he sat inside quietly, that when those men would go away he’d quickly sneak out and run. Unfortunately for him, those men stayed for hours on end. They were construction site workers. So, they were working. He began losing hope but then- the freezer top lip opened. He thought that he was caught… thankfully it was just Donghyuck. Donghyuck looked nervous and scared but he assured the boy to quickly climb out. The boy tried climbing out… and he… he…” Mr Zhong stops and turns to the floor, he sniffs.

You don’t know what has the most of your attention now. Perhaps it’s the story, maybe the expression Mr Zhong uses, or it could be that… that little boy was Mr Zhong…

“I can’t remember well what happened from there, but I know for some reason, Donghyuck was knocked over and fell to the ground when a sudden… claw came from the sky… and… picked up the freezer. The young boy was tossed back inside freezer… Chugged around as if he was in a washing machine.” Mr Zhong bites his lip. “He tried getting up to get out. But he was struggling to lift the lid up… It… the freezer was being lifted up and then from such a high feet it dropped to the bottom… causing the freezer door to creak a little. But… the boy was already injured. He still tried to lift the lid up with one arm. He saw that he was on a moving platform. He needed to get out fast. It was already too late… the boy died a slow painful death… however his spirit did not die… it was called back.”

“Mr Zhong?” You call out sadly as you watch him shiver.

“Donghyuck ran home. He ran home and… shut himself in his room.” Mr Zhong’s eyes stay closed. “The young boy’s parents came over, they were anxious worried and crying… they asked if Donghyuck had seen him, and Donghyuck… he lied. He said, he hadn’t. The parents filed a missing case report. That whole week was a nightmare… Every day when Donghyuck would go to the school, he’d see the boy’s mother standing outside the gate with a poster of her missing son. She’d desperately ask the other kids if they’d seen him. But no one had. Donghyuck… felt guilty. From time to time he went to the junkyard to search for the young boy. Donghyuck was… traumatized. Guilt ate him from the inside… he refused to move on without finding the body… because by now he already knew that the young boy was dead.”

“Mr Zhong…” you cup your mouth.

“Donghyuck refused to move on. He was scared that he had killed someone else’s son. But something crazy happened. He prayed to find the boy.” Mr Zhong opens his eyes. “The boy was dead, but somehow, he was still inside of him. Donghyuck began hearing voices in his head. He’d see images of the little boy… they’d talk together in his room. Although physically the boy wasn’t there, Donghyuck saw this kid with his own naked eyes in the spiritual world. The little boy too… he didn’t know what was going on but he just wanted to go home to his parents… he wanted to leave Donghyuck’s mind, but Donghyuck insisted that he’d find a way out for the boy. It was comforting at first… but as days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, the little boy began getting sucked into a personality that wasn’t his. He wanted to leave, but Donghyuck didn’t want to let him go. Donghyuck promised the boy that he’d find a way out for him… so that he could live again. I think that’s why the little boy stayed… he thought he could live again- he ignored all the doors that opened up to try and help him to leave and instead he stayed in Donghyuck. Being inside of Donghyuck, had him feeling that he was still alive and that he could come back alive. If only they could find his body then they could make him come alive.”

There’s a moment of silence as your eyes water… could this little boy be… You’re completely speechless as you listen to Mr Zhong…

“Of course this brought attention to Donghyuck as his own parents saw how the death affected their son… they watched Donghyuck talk to himself about a way to escape… they saw their son obsessed with talking to ghosts and wanting them to come alive… so… they had him hypnotized.” Mr Zhong looks to his own hands. “Hypnotized to forget the little boy. A so called solution to make him stop seeing things. And it worked. They didn’t help him move on, or even help the little boy trapped to get out. No. They just erased the little kid from his head. And so, the next morning, when the boy woke up and tried to speak to Donghyuck. Donghyuck never heard a thing. It began getting scary, as the only way out was shut completely. The little boy slowly became lonely as his own best friend… forgot him. Do you know how many years went by? Do you know how lonely it got when his own friend grew a conscious and couldn’t even recognize him? Do you know how terrifying it got to wake up in the same place every day being forced to forget who he was? He hadn’t seen his family in so long? Everything the little boy loved, he couldn’t properly because he was now forced to become someone else. He missed touch, tasting? Seeing and living with his own eyes and life. Do you know what it means to give up your life for someone else? Do you know just the amount of endurance the boy had to go through, adjusting to the fact that he was now forced to live as someone else? That little boy has been alone for more than 22 years and it may seem fantastic to spend your life trapped inside of someone, but you’ll begin to feel the effects when the person you’re in doesn’t even know who you are.”

You shake your head. “Mr Zhong, I don’t get this. What does this have to do with me? I hate to be inconsiderate, but it’s not like they hypnotized him to forget about me.”

Mr Zhong nods his head. “True. My best friend was hypnotized to forget me. So of course that doesn’t affect you. It was pointless telling you that story, I should’ve just skipped straight to the point.” You had a feeling he was telling the story about himself… but hearing him actually confessing to the name has you sinking in sadness. Until he opens his mouth… “I stayed here because Donghyuck refused to confess what he’d done to me. My soul has become restless. Rest less spirits don’t go to their resting place. No, they stay here until the person who killed them, confesses to either moving on, or admitting what they had done.”

Your heart sinks… drops to the ground. What did he just say? “Restless spirit?”

“Why do you think you’re in here?

“I didn’t mean to be insensitive Mr Zhong… but this isn’t funny. What you’re saying is scary…”

“I asked you why you think you’re here?” He ignores you and continues. “Donghyuck may have not been the one who ran you over, but he… did do something. He refuses to let you go. He wants you to haunt him until he’s dead. Just wait and see how he’ll be so obsessed with spending so much time in his ‘head’ with you that in the outside world they deem him crazy. Watch as friends begin to see him as strange because he doesn’t want to break the bond he has with you, watch as your brothers get annoyed that he keeps using your name in vain, watch as his perfectly normal life spirals into only wanting to focus on you. Just watch and see how the only answer that will make sense to him is death. Suicide. Watch as you see him paying all his attention on you and neglecting that he really has a life.”

Hearing that, it doesn’t sound as bad… “That doesn’t sound as bad.”

Mr Zhong shakes his head. It’s like you’re okay with being trapped here. It’s like you’re okay with letting Donghyuck not have a life anymore as he focuses on you. You’re okay with letting him not move on from you, to try and find another kind of happiness. You’re okay with making him numb to reality and float by like a ghost. You’re selfishly okay with him not moving on. By allowing Donghyuck to self-destruct. You’re selfish.

Mr Zhong gets up and shakes his head. “The dark truth about death, is that you end up losing everything and everyone you love. Once you’re dead it’s over. No second chances. One thing that I’ve learnt while being here, is that you either help the person to move on, or you haunt them with your presence, adding a cloud over their head. Weighing them down as they live with unsaid and unspoken confessions. So as you embark on this journey, I’m begging you don’t be the downfall of Donghyuck.”

The truth is, Mr Zhong never forgave Donghyuck for what he did to him. He never forgave Donghyuck for ending his life. Even though it wasn’t Donghyuck who killed him, Donghyuck could’ve said something, confessed of where Mr Zhong last was. Could’ve said… sorry.

When Mr Zhong woke up inside of Donghyuck he had the option to leave peacefully, or try to use Donghyuck’s body to shout and confess to the world. But unfortunately for him, his greed to be noticed inside of Donghyuck costed him his eternity and made him unknown. The bitterness inside of Mr Zhong transferred to Donghyuck, and added the personality and the greed and need to poses everything and anything. Maybe it’s why Donghyuck is just so obsessed over you like that. He miscalculated and ended up getting stuck inside of Donghyuck. Mr Zhong was forgotten. And maybe you won’t be forgotten, but surely, your selfish tendencies would manifest in Donhyuck one way or another.

What no one tells you about death, is that if you don’t learn to let go, you’ll never let go. You’ll never achieve a sense of control over yourself again. And unfortunately, that’s Donghyuck’s new path…

“I’m sorry Donghyuck.” Mr Zhong suddenly says. Tonight, he decided that he’d come up to the surface… because he didn’t want to be with you in his room. So instead being here in Donghyuck’s room, as Donghyuck sits idly on his bed is better. “I’m sorry.” Mr Zhong confesses again. “I blamed you all these years when really it was me that needed to let go. I hardened my heart because I was angry. My anger cost me my freedom. I’m so sorry for blaming you. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill me. You were just as scared. You were a little boy, what was I expecting from you… I’m sorry.” Mr Zhong is surprised when he blinks and a tear drops from his eye.

He’s even more shocked when he feels a gnawing stare. Turning to the side, he sees Donghyuck’s enlarged beaded eyes on him…

Maybe you’re close by and Donghyuck’s just zoning out again. No. Mr Zhong turns back and when seeing no one he looks back to Donghyuck… Is he looking at him?

“Ch- Chenle?” Donghyuck chokes a little in surprise. “Is that really you?”

Mr Zhong feels his whole heart cave in when hearing his name. He momentarily freezes as he pays attention to Donghyuck. Donghyuck without haste instantly wraps his arms around Chenle crying out. Mr Zhong is surprised when Donghyuck doesn’t fall over. He’s even more surprised when… feeling comes back over his being. He can… feel again? “Donghyuck?”

“Chenle.” The reuniting is somber as both guys cry into each other’s arms. Donghyuck because inside of him… he recognizes Chenle… the friend he once had who disappeared.

“I’m not as selfish as you think I am.”

Mr Zhong doesn’t let go of Donghyuck but he does hear your voice. He opens his eyes and sees you behind Donghyuck.

“I thought long and hard about what you said.” You watch Donghyuck shiver and shed and break down whilist hugging Chenle… “You’ve got such a nice name.”

“But… how did you do it?” Mr Zhong asks. “How did you do this?”

“How did I do what?” Donghyuck asks. Making you slightly chuckle. Donghyuck shakes his head. “All this time… how did I forget about you? Were you really lonely? You never went to heaven to see your parents? I’m sorry man. I’m sorry for leaving you alone.”

Mr Zhong can’t comprehend the feelings he’s feeling. It’s just so sudden. All this time he couldn’t feel anything, for more than years he couldn’t feel anything, but now he can feel. Breaking away from Donghyuck he notices that instead of wearing black clothes… he’s also wearing white… and also he’s back to his… younger self. Which only strikes Donghyuck again.

“You said I had to let him go, and a part of me didn’t want to do that. But then… with the help of Haechan, we digged deep and looked into his memories… and then I saw you. A small boy who died all too soon and quick.” You confess. “You’re right we only have one life. And I can’t be selfish to steal someone else’s life. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about Donghyuck… I cried. He has carried so much loss, so much pain in him. Looking into his memories, I saw him hiding away and not being himself because he felt like an outcast. He doubted himself so much that he found it better to find pleasure in letting someone carry his pain… in not being himself. That hurt me, because I had many opportunities to be myself… But he shielded himself. I would just want him to be free and not be controlled by me. To be himself. To be free of pain and carrying so many things inside of him. So now I’m ready,”

Donghyuck’s ears hear that and he turns around, surprised to also see you. “You’re ready to do what?”

“To let you go,” You say sadly as you smile gently to him. “How about you Chenle?”

“I’m ready too. I’m ready to forgive you, and letting you go.” He gulps feeling so many emotions all relating to joy and a bitter sweet sadness.

“You’re both going to leave me?” Donghyuck turns to you both… especially when a bright light presents itself right in the middle of his room. “No. Please don’t go.” He cries… and you can hear Haechan… just as much as Sun. “How do I live? How do I breathe? I’ll suffocate without you,”

“No you won’t. You’ll find peace, joy and the same way your drowned in love into me, you’ll be able to do that again with yourself and with someone else.” You hold onto his cheek. “I need you to live Hyuck. I need you to let me go and live. Be happy with yourself. Confess and be free. Me dying isn’t the end of the world, it’s the start of a new future. For both of us.”

“But what if I don’t want to be free? I just want you,” He holds onto both your hands, surprised at how warm they are feeling.

Come home… You hear… and this time, Mr Zhong can hear it too. It’s the angel calling you guys over to the other side.

“I want you too, but we both can’t have what we want.” You gulp. “Instead we can cherish what we had and move on. I’ll always be with you, Hyuck,” you try to say while maintaining your own tears.

“Please,” He cries. “Don’t leave me.”

“Come on buddy,” This time Mr Zhong speaks with a warm smile. You’re so happy to see him smile. For the longest of time, he has only had a terrible frown on his face, so to see a smile you feel comforted that you’re not going alone. “You know we won’t leave if you ask us too, but I’m asking you to let us leave… I don’t want to make you heavy anymore. I want you to be light.”

Donghyuck thinks… he looks between you both and he can hear his heart breaking. But he knows it’s important. In his head… the thoughts coming, are the thoughts of how they died. He remembers seeing so much blood… he recalls seeing the life fade away from their eyes. At least they won’t suffer anymore… a tear rolls down his face, just as you hug him on the side and Chenle hugs him on the other side. He gulps. “Okay. Okay. I’m ready to… to… let you go…”

He doesn’t open his eyes but he feels so much warmth all around him. Slowly all the feelling around him becomes cold and he sighs out when opening his eyes in his dark room… Inside of him, Haechan and Sun run to the Upper Core trying to see if Mr Zhong would be there… and of course he’s not there. As they both cry, creating a crying feast of everyone crying, Donghyuck can’t stop balling his eyes out at losing both you and Chenle. Again

Meanwhile, donw by the ‘neck of birth’ a being is formed. In the exact same replica of Donghyuck… the next one to take over the core in Mr Zhong's old place. He wakes up with a name and aim.

Name: Hyuck. Assigned to: Core

“Hyuck. Please live.” He hears an echo serenade of your voice. “You must live and let go.”

That night, eventually when Donghyuck is able to sleep he dreams of doves and a serene peace washing over him.

Fin.

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