#he’s just so ugh /neg
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”hate the character, respect the actor” no he sucks too
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overeager slutpuppy reader and dog trainer Ghost is all i can think about tbh
#featuring obedience training muzzling collaring walks humiliation#“bad puppy”#old school dog trainer Simon who uses negative reinforcement and no love#but just try to bite the hand that feeds you puppy and you'll be back on the streets in no time#UGH#pet play but diabolical#“no dogs on the furniture”#crate training#spending your “good” days kneeling by his feet as he pets your head#calls you puppy so much you forget your own name
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thoughts about johm marstlin
#i'm so insecure about my art atm in this community since i have no idea the atmosphere of it so i#might delete this later if i get in my head too much about it or it starts getting negative attention#he's so fun to draw though#i've been having lots of fun trying to stylize new characters since switching fandoms again#so :] yay for that and having fun and playing and drawing !!#also about the bow legged headcanon#javier is the same cuz hosea carried him around on his hip a lot as well as javi's mama back home in mexico#(and also kieran is too but that's cuz he's been riding horses SO much since he was so little but that's kinda irrelevant)#also my style is very inconsistent cux im just trying to have fun and be loose ! my digital drawings have been super stif lately tho ugh#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#john marston#rdr#red dead redemption#art#hero draws sometimes#image
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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I've refrained from saying anything about this anywhere because I don't want to be negative and I'm scared of the backlash but I need to say that I'm so glad that I'm not the only one put off by sausage's humour as a gay person. I thought I was being over sensitive...
NOOOO I FEEL IT I think that's so valid of you to feel that way because um yeah me too a little bit..!! I also understand not wanting to voice that lol but I'm glad if knowing that at least a few other people feel the same way brings some solace. I try not to engage but it can't really be helped when he's in SMPs I consume and every time he enters the view or earshot I have to like mentally prepare myself before this thing inevitably jokes about homosexuality. I'm not fond of a lot of the recent humor from more members than him, being just sexual innuendo after sexual innuendo but god sosig has always been the worst. I was like mildly peeved for awhile but when all I hear from him half the time is a joke about gAy and "how scandalous!!" (and references that feel forced the other half of the time) I get a little bit genuinely upset. But maybe we're both just very sensitive idk!!!!!!
#neg sosig#blabber#again Im sure CC Sosig is fine and that hes not like actually homophobic LMAO I hope no one thinks that but ugh this humor#its like acting really gay (and sexual) is just a character quirk for him. And nothing else. And his ONLY character quirk#and it feels so forced upon others too. Theyre all adults and obvs not uncomfortable but to me as a viewer it feels forced
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Something really funny that's occurred to me is the way Joe talks about Maccie is like she's some catastrophic event that happened to their family "I can't believe she's been here that long." / "Everything's been different since she was born" / "Everything changed." / "She changed everything."
And it's just rlly funny to me. I want to up the dramaticness of his words at some point. And anyway, he's talking to the Samurai/Ronin for the first time and I'm wondering the impression he's getting lmao
Joe is certainly expressive to me, but only when he's given the chance. And I think w Ronin, he just started letting a lot of stuff out bc thus guy is gonna go on his way anyways.. but then he's like wait!!! Actually let me go?? For a little? (Platonic yearning so bad)
Ronin like 》^. "I suppose.. Alright, curious karate man, I'll accompany you a little longer."
Or something I'm messing around UGH
#the reason everything changed is bc joes mother passed away either shortly after Maccies birth or during#that started the strain w joe and sr but they also had.. her yk? its just sillay#dysfunctional karate family ily <3#sr isnt a terrible father he is just narrow sighted and firmly believes he knows best. he doesnt give his kids the room to grow- but he#really loves them. he just wants to protect them in a way i think.. he just lost his wife and i think that made his parenting way more#overbearing. buT ALSO. JOE JUST BEEFS W MACCIE BC YK SJXNXNX theyre siblings#espexially when they were younger. teen joe is sooo funny to me. teen angst ft this baby i dont want in my room KGLZLGKXMVKKC#in current theyre much much closer and Joe has remained Maccie's favorite person. but Joe still gets really annoyed / tired of her sometime#SRRY ugh ily karate family#also also ronin and maccie dynamic so real. i like ronin being patient with children. except maccie is wayyyy more antagonizing to him than#like my oc the lost girl. so fun!!!! sorry#karate maccie#rh head canon#< new tag#karate joe#sr isnt a bad dad on purpose agenda. sr could have the possibility to apologize and fix things one day.#maccies only ever known this version of her father and she doesnt have the capaxity to try and forgive him for certain things joe will#maccie is the golden child but she is also the problem child. she uses her favor to her advantage and to rile up her dad sometimes#just bevause she can and she has a little bit of a problem with him sometimes bc.. you know? shes a very ambitious teen and she doesnt wsnt#to be shackled..... and she doesnt like thinking of Joe as that way and UGH#i love them im normal#to elaborate a tiny bit more i hc joe as having chronic fatigue like myself. hes low spoons and he pushes himself despite it.#but his disability holds him back sometimes snd its like.. you know? he doesnt want to be the weak memver of the family so he keeps pushing#but he also cares about karate too. its not something negative to him. and stuff. even if its hard. its avtually good for his body / health#when he doesnt overexert himself anyway
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i do not like when people say kaede would be a static protagonist if she survived the game like as if she wouldnt have 5 whole additional chapters for shit to be thrown her way and see how she'd change and adapt... plenty of writers have pulled off this idea with flying colors so idk why ppl say "ok but IN CANON kaede would just vote hope/despair in the end!" like LITERALLY WE DONT KNOW THATTT THOUGHHHH . shuichi was very different in ch1 compared to ch6 why is kaede exempt from this logic...............
#i legit think kaede would kinda go thru 'negative' development for a chapter or 2??#before smth causes her to lock tf in and drop that one-track mind naive mindset entirely she had in ch1#she would NOTTT be a good leader and ppl would quickly realize that and not see her as a reliable 'leader' type#after the death road despair#and finding out she went behind their backs with shuichi w their mastermind plan#who. well in most scenarios he'd be dead after ch1#usually thats how it goes#kaito would absolutely still play the role of a supportive friend for her like he did for shuichi tho thats just who he is#ugh i wanna write a kaede lives fic so badly but i have comorbid autism/adhd and a full time job and im mostly a visual artist#Sad! maybe someday#guys can you play touys with me (roleplay an entire rewrite of alt v3 where kaede lives so i dont have to write the whole thing myself#and we can get real weird with it)#anybody? no? thats fine.
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[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.
#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?”#but I have seen many a take that irk me...#and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride#Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔#Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor#And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those...#And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized#But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change...#And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind#But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it#and I think it's plenty salvageable#And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad-#Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips#so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future#But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad#(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's)#(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol)#With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal-#being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil#blugh#BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT#Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil#And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk...#ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent
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sauce trying to befriend the popular twitch streamers and gamers is giving sheltered christian kid realizes their only hopes for friendship in school are the weird white boy reddit users who think slurs are comedy, and is just excited to have 'cool' friends so they'll do or say or get into anything their friends do to sound equally as smart just to be capable of saying (lying) that they have 'friends' to their mom when she asks about their day so their family doesn't think they poured all that money into a socially inept loser. instead, they poured all that money into a socially desperate parakeet
#mannnnnnn i knew from the Moment#ad*n was bad news#AND I AINT FORGIVING OR EXCUSING SHIT ON ANYONES PART#ignorance is common bcs it's easy but easy doesnt mean end#easy readies advancement#which is harder#not everyone realizes that#they think shits so easy cus they so smart#nah bro ure just stuck#whats the real smart move is continual growing#we gotta keep learning#or at least trying#nahhh instead everybody wanna fuckin laugh#cus pausing and actually thinking is too awkward#learning is too awkward#stupidity is 'funny'#easy comedy#ugh.#ugh#man#stunted shit and stunted stuntmen#fuckin hate the kind of ppl that get rich sometime#just lets the ppl trying to get rich after them know what kinda level they need to reach & stop at as a person#it's Not very high. in the negatives maybe#fuckin hell.#chances for accountability is everywhere and theres a shortage of accountants#hope he genuinely learns smthin from this bcs he didnt mean it in a conspiring way but still thats compounding People#people are People bro#theres a lot of people in this world. theres a lot of learning#embrace it without ego
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When proofreading the journal (on friday night) i commented on one slightly sexist and outdated term to be replaced by a neutral and more inclusive term. I've been having nightmares because of this
#like I'm sure no one is even gonna read my comments at all#i usually tend to get ignored#but in my mind my colleague/superior/ the journalist who wrote that article is now considering me his arch enemy#and i will be branded as the difficult female newbie who's incompetent but has the audacity to comment on his word choice#because this is journalism and the texts need to be a bit provocative but actually this term is obviously in no way negatively connotated#and he gets to choose the words for the texts he writes and i should shut my stupid mouth#and leave him alone#and obviously everyone is going to agree with him because who the fuck cares about gender equality or inclusive language#i simply have no idea how this business works and all the urologists will hate us if the texts are more carefully formulated#this has been on my mind since friday night so much that i was so close to go online again and delete the comment#but i keep thinking i shouldn't let my fear of being branded as difficult and petty prevent me from giving my opinion on this?#because it Is bothering me quite a bit and i simply made a suggestion. if he decides to call me out for it i can explain#my reasoning and tell him to ignore it of he doesn't like it. it's not my journal after all so i merely make suggestions#ugh i hate work#i also considered working another 2 hours today so tomorrow will go more smoothly but i don't wanna work on the weekend#i should set boundaries where i can or else I'll end up burned out again just like it was with university#i need to stop giving a fuck about work anyway#i don't get paid enough to care lol#void screams
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i literally live in my professor’s house shout out to [REDACTED] for having great cultivation of student-faculty relationships
#oh im high and thinking about being an academic and ugh im crying#why can’t I just go teach classes everyday why is life so unfair#(guys who’s following his dreams and stage managing everyday)#(and literally gonna make negative money for the month because he can’t do math but it’s fine this is what being in your twenties is for)#trying to convince my friend that they should get together with me (/qpr not romantic) and being like ‘yeah im broke and pursuing a job in#theatre but don’t worry I can support us’#life of a boomerang
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Me:
Real life events:
#flashing tw#gif tw#flash tw#ugh. don't want to vent on dash about the same thing again but got bad news about ol' dog (again). we don't know how much time he still has#with us but probably not that long. He's comfy and happy he just has symptoms strongly hinting at him being in the end-of-life stage#But also he's been gleefully swinging by death's door for the last year so I mean.#He requires a lot of around the clock care and cleaning now which has been going for over a year and I'm generally deep into that mechanical#routine / apathetic mode about it. Not a fan of how I process trauma nowadays but it is what it is#expect writer's/artblock on my end again#It's hard to run this blog to a satisfactory degree when I'm constantly in ''coping in advance'' mode#ugh#negative tw#pet illness tw
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They're already calling it a Trump win in Indiana FML for real
ALL you guys suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#speculation nation#@ the ppl who voted for him. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.#JUST ONCE!!!!!!!! id like my vote to count towards a presidential election!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but this makes Three for Three times ive voted against trump and Three for Three times he's won my state#and made it so that my vote doesnt do jack SHIT!!!!!!#because of the STUPID fucking electoral college system#i knew this was a possibility but i was Hoping that Maybe this time would be different. for fucks sake.#anyways trump has a lead rn but its only the very very beginning of vote counting#and it's easier for them to count the rural votes. holding out hope for the country even still.#just. frustrated. with my fucking state.#i love indiana so much but the politics are ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!#negative/#uspol
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In tonight's edition of "why the fuck am I catching a stray bullet", my sister, being at about an 8 out of ten when a 4 would do just fine, lectured our youngest on irresponsibility and rejecting parents help by being snarky (Bailey dude, the kid legit copies your fucking tone) threw one of her typical extremes down; Saying that maybe I just won't parent you at all anymore Mele - look at the adults in this house, our father didn't parent me or my brothers and now two of us have grown up underemployed our whole lives, and also one of the others keeps going to prison. Using what I talked to her about our dad and the phone call from Sunday that way feels like a low, because you're not only slamming Warner's parenting but in a narcissistic, make it about me sorta way, bringing our lives in as some sort of lesson like fucking why?
#Like dude why am I in the other room and getting dragged bc your child refuses to do chores#Why am I constantly being made to feel like I just fucking suck at being alive#Underemployed our whole lives like excuse me?#Why does it always have to be like Im a negative example to throw out there#And she threw Michael under the bus too to make her point and like#Our brother is an addict and he needs help yeah#So lets dredge that up to berate a willful child who you are currently battling with#Like fucking what dude#Ugh#Its just like#Stuff like this reinforces it like no matter what Im always going to be the family disappointment arent I?#Even if Bailey puts that on dads parenting job its still like well WERE screwups and losers#And Im just listening like what the fuck do I have to do with this?#Ugh sorry#Long tags are long#Long post nobody read
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it's so painful to see your younger siblings suffer through the same treatment you did under your parents. I'm going to try to talk to my mom when she gets back but idk what good it'll do. she's hurt literally all of us and she's acting bizarrely careless these days as if she's given up any emotional responsibility she'sever had to us. I'm just glad we're talking about it now.
#it's nothing extreme she's just very negative and harsh and critical and discouraging#my poor brother is only 13...he has years to endure this yet#the reason they're not here is because they're fucking. in europe for two weeks.#'oh [sister but not the name she prefers] has food money and [older brother] is here'#bitch...she's a full-time student and my brother works fulltime#they need their parents! ugh#good thing I'm here ig. I did some grocery shopping#also refusing to use my sister's chosen name bc 'it's too common and I don't like it' is so fucking petty. get over yourself#cor.txt
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